#lately I've been pretty focused on making only the kind of stuff I feel close to

[canisalbus]

I've only known about your art for a little less than a year but I think it will forever leave an impact on me. Your style and designs and imagery. Even if at some point I move on from your blog, tumblr, internet, there will be times when I'll fondly remember this one person who would draw gay anthro dogs. You are unforgettable. Thank you.

Auh, that's too kind ;_;

I'm honored you think so highly of what I do! Thank you so much!

[celestialgloaming]

6, 8, 23, 34 !

6. Describe your dream home. Honestly pretty close to my current one. It's Relatively compact, but has a spacious balcony you can properly go outside on. I think i'd prefer to live with less other people but I can go either way. I'd love a bit of a bigger living room, one that's not cramped when trying to play ttprgs . In general I think I like things to be just big enough, but not too big. I think my dream would be a balcony facing the sunset, somewhere I can sip tea, eat biscuits, and watch the sunset.

8. What’s your favorite show to binge?

High key I find binge watching pretty stressful. The only long series of full length tv I can think I've properly binged is Breaking Bad. Which is amazing but that's not a hot take. "Binging" for me is mostly watching a 12 episode anime in like 2 days, which isn't actually a big binge. But in that case it's Yuru Camp my beloved, I've at least watched it, like, multiple times!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists?

Lately I've unfortunately caught "listens to VGM" disease and been been mostly listening to the Guilty Gear OST which I mean out of all OSTs is one of the less embarrassing but still I need to get back into listening to a variety of bands.... remembering song and band names is hard for me tho. But! I'll give 5 of my faves here, mostly focusing to ones I don't think most people will know but there's a mixture:

Hemlocke Springs, apparently she got famous through tiktok? Anyway her music is such a vibe I love it

Smiling Broadly/Twinkle Park, I feel like the you and probably most of the kinds of people that follow me know Hazel the anime youtuber, well she makes music and I've been really into it lately.

Astrophysics, he's a synth guy on youtube. Love both his own stuff and his Miku covers, though I think I found him through his JoJo's synth covers. Still need to listen to his new album. A lot of his own stuff is a bit more breakcore-ey so it can be hit or miss for me but when it hits it hits.

Covet, a math rock band. Math rock is always super chill to me, I need to start listening to it more again.

MARINA, far from obscure but I ran out of more obscure ideas. Her older stuff is just, The Vibe, I'm obsessed.... I should do it at Karaoke next time I go to it!

34. What’s your coffee order?

I haven't ever actually tried coffee.... but I like bitter drinks so I should try it!!!

[robyn-goodfellowe]

For character questions! 3, 7, 9, 21, 38, B, H; for whichever character you’d like!

you know what this is a perfect amount of questions so i'll do one for each :)

How do they put themselves to bed at night (reading, singing, thinking?)

cricket's usually spending her days doing fuckall in the woods or studying to get her mortician's certification so she's normally pretty tired by the end of the day. she'll settle down with her favorite entomology book most often. once hilde's been in the picture for a while (i'm talking post-hillside) then i'm sure there's a good chunk of times she falls asleep on the phone with her... if she doesn't end up impulsively making the trek to spend the night at her house that is

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling?

there's a lot but the most common for hilde is definitely sleepovers with her cousin jay. when they were little kids his mom wasn't able to fit up, so hilde's mom ended up stepping in and raising her alongside hilde. this kept going up until jay was almost eight and his mom got her shit together. although their parents aren't close for a plethora of reasons, they dont want jay and hilde's relationship to be strained the way theirs is, so they've always tried to have bimonthly sleepovers for the kids while they were growing up. this continued up until hilde ended up getting sent to blossom hills, but i like to think jay would visit a few times of year once they're adults.

Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

loanshark actually doesn't swear as often, which comes as a surprise for most people. usually something slips out when he stubs his toe or something but it's not super often. not for any particular reason, he's just quiet and standoffish lol

Why do they get up in the morning? 

synthia's got a world to conquer and an audience to wow!

What memory do they revisit the most often? 

zahra revisits a lot of memories of their time in music school tbh. they're a massive hater and spite fuels them. it's gotten them far

What inspired you to create them?

hilde and cricket are so old that i literally don't remember. i know i wanted opposite gfs where one was a city girl and one was a country girl and it just kind of developed from there. i know cricket's color scheme (washed out white girl with dark hair and big blue eyes that she maintains way too much eye contact with) was inspired by how i initially imagined tain from the good daughter to look like, and taïga from the grey witches as a child. not too sure about hilde anymore

synthia and zahra were both fnf ocs. i wanted to see an 80s oc and a classical music oc so there they were. loanshark was originally an ahit nyakuza cat but i've been pretty attached to his gijinka as of late so i've just been focusing on that story, which is totally unrelated to his hatty time self (although the vibes are the same)

What trait do you admire most?

i love cricket's chill vibes and earnest whimsy. i like to think i am also chill and whimsical but she just has a way of embracing stuff and going with things in a way i could never imagine. i also really enjoy hilde's blunt honesty and ability to just shut people down and be like, a dick when being a dick is needed, because i always struggle with boundaries. channeling my inner cunt with her tbh.

i like synthia's stage presence and bubbliness a lot. i like loanshark's loyalty. and i really like how when zahra puts their mind to something they get it. they're very disciplined in a way i am only just now learning to be

thankyou for asking annika ily ^_^

[babeyvenus]

My Future

Derek Hale x OC

Samantha, Stiles and Scott are always joking about the impossible. Who wouldn't when your best friend's dad is the sheriff of Beacon Hills? All jokes stop when they realize the impossible is indeed possible.

Chapter 19: Forgiveness

"You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out?", Sam told Ms. Morrell, the guidance counselor, as she picked at her lacrosse stick.

"It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct of not letting any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's actually kind of peaceful.", Sam says, staring off into space.

"Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?", Ms. Morrell asked. Sam's eyes glanced over at her. "I don't feel sorry for him."

"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?"

Sam's jaw clenched. "Just because a bunch of dumbasses dragged him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't really give him the right to go off killing them one by one. Not only that, Stiles' dad told me they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on Matt's computer. And not just of her.", she scoffed at the memory. "I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. He was building himself a fake relationship with these pictures. Him drowning isn't an excuse to be delusional."

"One positive thing came out of this though, right?", she asked.

"I guess, but I still feel like there's something wrong between us. I don't know."

"Can you explain?"

"There's this one night, I had a nightmare. My brother and my mom were arguing over what he wanted to do with his life, and he turned around and blamed my dad's death on my mom. He saw me and said the same thing. Said I'd never see him again. Said he wished I was never born.", Sam swallowed. "All I can ask myself is, was it really my fault? Since then, I haven't seen my brother."

"Is your father dead?", she asked. Sam shrugged. "I can't really say. He and my mom got into this really big argument, and he walked out on us. I was 8 at the time so I can't really remember. I don't really know if he died, but my brother was convinced that he did after we moved here."

"Maybe it was a dream. Maybe he's still alive.", she reassured.

"Maybe. But it's different in the house now. Mom's always working, I barely see her. I thank every lucky star I have that she doesn't see me coming home the way I do or that she doesn't know half of the things I've been through.", Sam says, rubbing her face.

"Have you talked to her about it since that night?"

"No, not really. I mean, I'm more focused on everything else so everything that's happened has been a distraction from being at home. Scott's got his own problems to deal with. I don't think he's talked to Allison yet either. But as I told her, that's her own choice. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer.", Sam says as she shakes her head.

"Stiles and I are still pretty close… At least, I hope we still are. We were supposed to be talking about he felt, but we never did. Him and his dad are pretty on and off with each other. Jackson, though? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. " Sam chuckled humorlessly. "Actually, the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the only one who seems the most normal."

She frowned once more. "And then, there's this guy..." She shook her head. "Sometimes, I don't understand him. I can't get in his head. I can't tell what he's thinking or what his next moves are gonna be. He's...cold and distant one minute and then caring and softer the next. I don't know what to make of him."

"Boy troubles, hm? Maybe talk to him about how he feels. If he doesn't open up right away, that's okay, but he might if he sees how much you care.", the older woman suggests. Sam shrugged.

"And what about the championship game tomorrow night? Feeling nervous?", Ms. Morrell asked.

Sam shook her head. "Not really… Scott always has my back in the games."

"But you said you haven't talked to him recently."

"Me and Scott always get on each other's nerves as well as me and Stiles. But we've stuck together through it.", Sam says, letting a small smile play on her lips before dropping. "Though… tension is rising in my team too. I mean, one of my teammates is dead and one of them is missing."

"You mean, Isaac. One of the three runaways. You haven't heard from any of them, have you?", she asked her. Sam looked at her desk, noticing she wasn't even writing anything.

"How come you're not taking any notes about this?"

"I do my notes after the session."

"Your memory's that good?"

"How about we get back to you?", the woman insisted, and Sam looked back into her lap, shaking her head. "Sam?" The girl looked back up at Ms. Morrell.

"I'm fine. Yeah, aside from not sleeping, jumping at every loud, sudden noise, and feeling this heavy dread something terrible is about to happen."

"It's called hyper vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat.", she informed. 

"But it's not just a feeling, though. It's like," Sam shook her head, thinking. "It's like a panic attack. You know, like I can't breathe."

"Like you're drowning?"

"Yeah.", Sam nodded. 

"So if you're drowning and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, what if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in?"

"But you do that anyway? It's a reflex.", Sam says, confused. 

"But if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?"

"Not much time.", Sam responded. 

"But more time to fight your way to the surface?"

"I guess."

"More time to be rescued?"

"More time to be in agonizing pain. And did you forget the part where you feel like your head's exploding?"

"If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?"

"And what if it gets worse? What if it's agony now and then. . . and it's just hell later on?"

"Then think about something Winston Churchill once said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Sam sat on the bench with Stiles and Scott as Coach came up behind Stiles.

"What the hell are you talking about?", Coach questioned Stiles. "The game hasn't even started. Now put on your helmet and get out there."

"You're letting Stiles play?", Sam asked, smiling.

"You're in for Greenburg.", Coach told Stiles. 

"What?", Stiles asked. "What happened to Greenburg?"

"What happened to Greenburg? He sucks. You suck slightly less."

"I'm playing? On the field? With the team?"

"Yes, unless you rather play with yourself."

"I already did that today. Twice.", Stiles replied.

Sam looked at him, unamused. "Stiles."

"Get the hell out there!", Coach yelled and Stiles grabbed his stuff, running out on the field. Sam put her helmet on as they took their spots.

"Ok, Stiles, whatever you do, try to stay close to me so I can save your ass whenever I can.", Sam said as the game started.

She winced as Stiles constantly got brutally tackled. Isaac came out onto the field and ran to her.

"We got to get Scott out on the field.", Isaac said.

"How?", Sam asked. "He's failing, like, three classes."

"Got to make it seem like Coach doesn't have a choice."

Sam smirked. "I can definitely do that." The whistle and Sam charged forward and curled up into a ball and rolled Gotez over.

"Ramirez! You're in!" Isaac tackled Ramirez and Sam got Murphy. "Lahey! Wilson! Seriously, what the hell is your problem?", Coach shouted.

"Sorry, coach!", Sam yelled, grinning. She was about to charge at the last player, but someone slammed into her. Sam tumbled to the ground and groaned in pain. Scott came to her side.

Sam felt her ribs being sore. Not broken at least.

She didn't move as the Paramedics came and loaded her onto the stretcher. Sam quickly went into the locker room to change. As she began changing, she stopped as she heard a shing of metal. The fuck…?

Sam turned around and saw Gerard and his hunters coming toward her.

Shit.

She kept forgetting he's the principal. Him being the principal has given him too many conveniences. 

Sam's eyes widened as she saw Scott behind Gerard. Scott slammed the two hunters into the wall and turned around to her, eyes yellow, to see Gerard gone.

"Where is he?", Scott asked. Not bothering to ask any more questions, Scott and Sam ran outside to the field to see ten seconds on the clock.

The buzzer sounded and the lights went out leaving the field pitch black. Screams sounded and Scott and Sam looked around to place the scream.

"What the hell is going on?", Sam asked Scott as they looked around.

The lights of the field came back on. They ran to the middle of the field to see Jackson, lying still on the ground.

"Jackson!", they heard Lydia yell, running to Jackson. She pushed past the teens to Jackson. "Jackson, what's happening?"

"Can we get a medic over here?", Coach yelled. "We're gonna need a medic!"

Melissa came and knelt beside Jackson.

"He's not breathing.", Melissa said. "No pulse." Melissa lifted up Jackson's shirt to see blood.

"Look," Sam whispered to Scott and Isaac, pointing to Jackson's hands which were covered in blood.

"He did it to himself?", Isaac asked them. Stiles' dad came off the bleachers to the middle of the field.

"Stiles?", he called out, looking around. "Where's Stiles? Where...where is my son? Where's Stiles? Where the hell is my son?"

Her eyes widened as she frantically looked around. Where the hell was her best friend?

She ran through the hallways looking for Stiles and ran in the locker room, only to see Scott and Isaac rummaging through Stiles' locker. 

"How come you get his shirt and I get his shoe?", Isaac asked, looking at the sneaker in his hands.

"You guys haven't found anything?", Sam asked. They shook their heads and Scott suddenly pulled her towards him.

Sam turned around and saw Derek. "We need to talk.", Derek said. "All of us.", Peter came out from behind his nephew.

Sam took Stiles' shoe out of Isaac's hand and threw it at Peter. He hid behind Derek again before popping out with a smile.

Scott frowned. "What the hell is this?"

"You know, I thought the same thing when I saw you talking to Gerard at the Sheriff's station.", Derek confessed. 

"Okay, hold on. He threatened to kill my mom. And I had to get close to him. What was I supposed to do?", Scott defended.

"I'm going to go with Scott on this one. Have you seen his mom? She's gorgeous.", Peter chimed.

"Shut up!" Scott, Derek, and Sam yelled at Peter simultaneously. He rolled his eyes.

"Who is he?", Isaac quietly asked Sam.

"That's Peter, Derek's uncle. A little while back he threatened to kill us all, he bit me, and then they set him on fire and Derek slashed his throat.", she explained, crossing her arms.

"Hi.", Peter waved his fingers. Isaac nervously and half-heartedly smiled. "Good to know."

"How is he alive?", Scott asked.

"He's alive because of me and Lydia.", Sam says. Scott gaped at her. "You? How?"

"He was controlling us.", Sam confessed, glaring at the older man.

"He's controlling you?"

"Look, the short version is, he's back and he knows how to stop Jackson. Maybe how to save him.", Derek said, as they all looked at him in shock.

"Well that's pretty helpful except, Jackson's dead.", Isaac confessed bluntly.

"What?", Derek asked, shocked himself.

"It literally just happened on the field. He's dead.", Sam says. Derek and Peter looked at each other concerned. "Okay why is no one taking this as good news?", Isaac wondered.

"Because if Jackson is dead it didn't just happen, Gerard wanted it to happen.", Peter said. 

"But why?", Derek asked his uncle.

"Well that's exactly what we need to figure out and something tells me the window of opportunity is closing. Quickly.", Peter sighed, taking a step forward.

"Are you seriously asking us to trust you?", Sam asked, incredulously. 

"Yes. On this one subject involving Jackson, I'm asking you, Samantha, to trust me."

Sam stepped up to him, uncrossing her arms. "I'm only nice once, Peter. You killed your niece, bit my best friend, tried to kill me and my friends, you bit me and tried to turn me, took over my body, literally almost killed your nephew," She pointed at Derek.

"Could've killed his mom," she pointed at Scott. "Used me and Lydia to bring you back to life, and now you're asking me to trust you. That's not happening. You've got ways to go before I start trusting you."

"Well, that'll work fine for me.", he says. "Piss off. Seriously.", Sam retorted.

The door creaked as Scott, Isaac, Peter, Derek, and Sam walked into the Hale house.

Her phone buzzed as she got a text from Stiles, instantly sighing in relief. "Stiles is okay.", Sam announced. 

"Look, I told you I looked everywhere.", Derek told Peter, who crouched over the bottom stairs.

"You didn't look here." Peter took out a wooden plank from the stairs. He reached inside and grabbed a large suitcase, carefully pulling it out and brushing the dust off the top.

"What is that, a book?", Derek asked. Peter looked at him, offended. 

"No, it's a laptop.", Peter sassed. "What century are you living in?" Derek rolled his eyes.

"I'm shocked you know what that is.", Sam says, crossing her arms. 

"A few days after I got out of the coma, I transferred everything that we had. Fortunately, the Argents aren't the only ones that keep records." He got up and paced into another room. All of them followed, minus Scott who left to go to his mom with Isaac.

Sam kept Scott on the line as he went to the hospital.

"He's in some type of transparent casing made from the venom coming out of his claws.", she told Derek as we watched Peter, who sat at an old desk searching through his MacBook.

"That sounds sufficiently terrifying.", Peter mumbled.

"They also say he's starting to move.", Sam said, taking the phone from her ear.

"Look, I think I found something." Peter types quickly. "Looks like what you're seeing from Jackson is just the kanima's beta shape."

"It has a beta shape??", Sam asked in disbelief.

"What, meaning it can turn into something bigger?", Derek asked, leaning in closer to the screen. Peter's eyes widened and he leaned back in his chair. "Bigger and better."

On the screen was an indescribable looking monster that looked way more powerful than Jackson looked now. It was bigger, at least twice the size. Its claws looked way sharper and longer, even the tail looked more deadly.

Derek's eyes also widened. "He's turning into that? That has wings."

"I can see that.", Peter quietly replied. Sam sighed. "Scott, bring him to us please.", Sam says into the phone.

"I don't think that'll be possible, Sam.", Scott replies.

"Look, someone actually made an animation of it.", Peter clicked on the YouTube link to it. Derek and Sam leaned forward to look. "Maybe it's less frightening if we—" a terrifying reptilian screech came crying through the computer and the most horrifying picture of the alpha kanima moving showed up, making Derek and Sam flinch and stand up straight. Peter immediately shut the computer.

"Nope, not at all.", Peter turned his head to look at Derek. "You should probably meet him half way."

"Scott, get him out of there now. Go now!", Derek took her phone and ordered before hanging up and they started to rush out of the house.

"Derek, we need Lydia.", Peter said before they left the house.

"Look, there's no tim—" Peter cut Derek off by putting his finger in the air to quiet his nephew. "That's the problem. We're rushing, we're moving too fast. Everybody knows that a moving target is harder to hit and here we are, racing right into Gerard's crosshairs."

"If I get the chance to kill Jackson, I'm taking it.", Derek said, walking off. Peter looked at Sam, cocking his head.

"Don't look at me. That's your nephew.", Sam said, shaking her head in dismissal.

"We need her, Samantha."

Sam sighed harshly.

"You said it yourself originally that there had to be another way, Jackson couldn't die. For that to not happen, we need Lydia.", Peter said. Sam shook her head, raising her arms to slap against her thighs in defeat. "Fine. We'll get her."

Sam whipped out her phone to text Stiles to find Lydia and bring her to the warehouse district.

Peter and Sam arrived at the Beacon Hills Warehouse District, sighing as they saw headlights from another car. They could see a SUV in front of them, so Sam cut the engine to the Camaro and got out of the car.

She sighed. "Fuck.", she whispered, realizing who the SUV belonged to. An Argent. She turned around and saw that Peter was nowhere to be found. The Hale boys and their disappearances, typical.

"Where's Derek?", Chris Argent asked, walking up to her. Before she could answer, Derek came running down the foggy street on all fours. He leaped into the air and crouched down onto the pavement.

"Oh boy.", Sam muttered, shaking her head. "What the hell are you doing here?", Sam asked Chris. Derek stared at Chris with hatred and spite.

"I'm here for Jackson, not you.", Chris directed at Derek.

"Somehow that doesn't feel very comforting."

Chris and Derek nodded at each other. "Get him inside.", Derek demanded. They all ordered. Once they were all inside, Scott was the first to speak up.

"Where are they?", he asked Derek and Sam. Derek looked from side to side, confused. "Who?"

"Peter and Lydia.", Scott answered and looked around.

"Sam, where the hell is Peter?", Scott yelled. Sam pointed at him. "Don't start with me, Scott. I don't know."

She knew he was here; he was just hiding in the shadows. She could sense him.

Derek ignored Scott and crouched over the body bag, unzipping it to reveal a dead Jackson.

"Hold on a second, you said you knew how to save him!", Scott cried.

"We're passed that.", Derek told him. "What—what about—" Scott began to yell, but Derek yelled at him. "Think about it, Scott! Gerard controls him now! He's turned Jackson into his own personal guard dog! He set all of this in motion so that Jackson could get even bigger and more powerful."

"No…", Chris spoke up, Derek and Sam turned to face him. "No, he wouldn't do that. If Jackson's a dog, he's turning rabid, and my father would never let a rabid dog live.", the older man said. 

"Of course not," they turned around to see Gerard emerging from the darkness, revealing himself.

Shit.

"Anything that dangerous, that out of control, is better off dead.", Gerard said evilly. Derek growled, looked down to Jackson, and drew back his arm to thrust his claws into Jackson's chest.

Before he could, Jackson stabbed his own claws into Derek's chest. Effortlessly, he lifted Derek off his feet as he began standing up and hurled him into the next room.

"No!", Sam yelled, ready to run to him. Chris Argent, with a gun in his hand, held her back. They all looked at Gerard in fear.

"Well done to the last, Scott.", Gerard congratulated. "Like the concerned friend you are, you brought Jackson to Derek to save him. You just didn't realize that you were also bringing Derek to me."

An arrow whizzed right for Scott, but he managed to dodge it, so it hit Isaac in the shoulder. He groaned in pain and fell to the ground.

Sam glared at the Argent daughter who glared at her.

"Allison?", Scott gaped, realizing she was trying to kill him. Scott and Sam rushed to Isaac, helping him up and pulling the arrow out of his shoulder. Chris began shooting off bullets, triggering Jackson's screeching.

"Can you move?", Sam asked Isaac.

"It hurts.", he whimpered. "It's healing, I'll be okay."

"Sam, get out of here." Scott demanded.

"You get Gerard and Jackson. I've got Allison.", Sam says.

"Don't hurt her.", he growled at her. She looked at him like he had grown another head. "Uh, first off, she tried to kill us, okay? All of us at this point. I'm not promising that.", Sam says, and ducked as Derek came flipping over wooden crates and crouching down, all wolfed out.

Both Isaac and Scott had phased too. Sam snuck over to the broken trunk of the Argents' SUV and grabbed a gun. When she turned around, she came face to face with Gerard. He shoved her into the car. Gerard began fighting her. She felt a couple blows to the stomach and a couple to the side of her face. She kicked him in the stomach, and he stumbled out of the car.

She fought back against the old man, but Gerard pushed her to the ground. The gun flew out of her hands, clattering a few feet from her. Sam scurried up, grabbing it and running towards where she could see Jackson. The three werewolves could barely take him, they were all getting thrown down every time they attacked. Sam watched as Isaac was choked by the kanima and thrown into a pile of wood, Derek jumped down from a machine and began fighting with him.

Sam lifted the gun. "Derek, move!", she shouted. Derek looked at Sam with wide eyes and dodged as Sam aimed the gun right at Jackson and shot it off. A bullet went straight through Jackson, and he screeched, glaring at her with hate. He pushed Derek to the floor and went after Sam.

"Come on.", Sam called. Behind him, Scott appeared and caught him off guard, but he reacted quickly and threw him into a wall. Derek went right back up again but managed to get his side slashed. He started stumbling, until he finally fell over.

Shit, not again.

Sam looked around and saw Allison attacking Isaac and she watched as Allison turned to Derek. Sam rushed in front of him and pointed her gun at her. She couldn't let her kill Derek.

"Back off, Allison.", Sam threatened.

"You wouldn't.", she hissed. Sam lips quickly quirked in a challenging smile, immediately remembering her words from the night before. She raised her eyebrows and aimed the gun a few inches away from Allison's direction, and shot the gun, nearly grazing her ear.

Allison looked at her in horror and frowned as her face turned hateful. She raised her knife and started to rush at Sam.

"Allison!", Scott yelled. In one swift motion, the knife was taken from Allison's hands and dropped to the floor. She was now dangling above ground, the kanima's scaly hands wrapped around her neck.

"Not yet, sweetheart.", Gerard said, smiling. 

"What are you doing?", Allison choked in panic.

"He's doing what he came here to do.", Scott said.

"Then you know." Gerard didn't seem surprised.

"What is he talking about?", Allison asked.

"It was that night outside the hospital, wasn't it? When I threatened your mother. I knew I saw something in your eyes. You could smell it, couldn't you?", Gerard asked.

"He's dying.", Issac said, looking at Gerard.

"I am. I have been for a while now.", Gerard practically shrugged. "Unfortunately, science doesn't have a cure for cancer yet. But, the supernatural does."

He looked at Derek who was in his wolf form. He was still paralyzed and the only thing defending him was Sam. Allison started gasping and Gerard flashed Jackson a look, making his grip harder on his granddaughter.

"You monster.", Chris Argent growled at his father.

"Not yet.", Gerard smirked.

"What are you doing?", Allison cried.

"You'll kill her too!", Chris cried.

"When it comes to survival, I'd kill my own son!" Gerard's jaw clenched tightly and then he focused on Scott.

"Scott.", he smiled at the boy. Scott phased back to himself and looked from Chris Argent, to Derek, to Sam and back again.

"Scott, no.", Sam exclaimed. He seemed sorry for a moment before walking over to her, shoving Sam with force and plunged his claws into Derek's neck. Derek let out a weakened roar.

"Scott, he's going to kill him after!", Sam yelled at him, trying to stop him, but before she could run after him, Jackson's tail quickly wrapped around Sam's throat.

Derek looked up at Sam with furrowed eyebrows. "He's going to be an Alpha.", Derek mumbled to Scott. 

"That's true. But I think he already knows that. Don't you, Scott? He knows that the ultimate prize is Allison. Do this small task for me and they can be together. You're the only piece that doesn't fit, Derek. And in case you haven't learned yet, there's just no competing with young love." Gerard began to take his jacket off, preparing for the bite.

"Scott, don't.", Derek looked at him.

"Don't, Scott!", Sam pleaded to her friend as she choked. "All of this would've been for nothing if you just give him what he wants."

"I'm sorry!", Scott apologized in a yell, then he quieted down. "But I have to."

Gerard rolled up his sleeve and walked over to Derek. Gerard put his forearm into Derek's mouth and clamped down his jaw. A loud cry of pain echoed in the room. It stopped when Gerard snatched his arm out of Derek's mouth, and Derek stumbled to the ground.

Sam kicked the back of Jackson's head and wiggled out of the Kanima's tail, catching her breath as she ran over, crouching to the ground to help Derek sit up. He looked at her with sadness in his eyes as Sam glared at Scott and Gerard. Gerard gave a victory laugh while they all stared at his bitten arm as it began to bleed black. Streams of black blood were trickling down his arm and they all watched in horror.

"What?", He asked. He looked down to his arm and saw the black blood. "What is this?" Sam's eyes widened as she looked at Scott. He planned this. Holy shit.

She let out a chuckle. "Your plan just backfired.", she told Gerard.

"What did you do?", Gerard glared at Scott.

Derek and Sam looked up at Scott, who looked down at them.

"Everyone said Gerard always had a plan," Scott faced Gerard, "I had a plan too." Gerard, stunned, quickly shoved his hand into his pocket and took out his silver pill container.

"No.", Gerard growled. He spilled the pills into his hand. "Mountain Ash!", he screamed, crushing the pills in his hand making a black powder flying out of his fist.

Gerard fell to his knees, black blood was coming out of his eyes and nose. It even spewed out of his mouth. Then he fell to the floor, exhausted. 

"Why didn't you tell me?", Derek asked Scott, hurt evident in his voice. "Because you might be an Alpha, but you're not mine.", Scott declared. Derek's eyes fell down to the ground and Sam helped him stand.

"Kill them! Kill. Them. All!", Gerard screamed at the top of his lungs.

Shit.

A loud crash echoed through the warehouse. They all watched as Stiles' jeep came ramming into the building and hit the Kanima.

"Stiles!", Sam exclaimed, happy to see him.

"Did I hit him?", Stiles' eyes were squeezed shut. Scott and Sam chuckled. Jackson jumped on the roof of the car, making Lydia and Stiles scream. They both stumbled out of the car as fast as possible.

Stiles ran over to Scott but Lydia stood right in front of Jackson, yelling his name. Jackson held back his hand and was about to slash Lydia's throat.

"Lydia!", Stiles and Sam screamed. Sam was about to go help her until Derek held her back by wrapping his hand around her arm. She looked at him, as he gave her a look to stop.

Sam watched as Lydia held up a small object in front of her face. It made Jackson stop and look at it for a second. He just stared at the object as if he was remembering something and from then on, his scales disappeared from his face. 

Jackson backed away from Lydia. Sam noticed Peter had jumped from wherever he was hiding, signaling Derek.

Quickly, Derek's claws were piercing in Jackson's abdomen while Peter's were in his back. They lifted him off the ground and their claws sliced through his skin. Jackson was coughing and choking on his blood and spit, and they finally let him go.

Lydia went to catch him and Derek came back to me. Lydia and Jackson sank to the ground, the redhead was crying.

Sam felt bad. Lydia really did love him. Despite his shitty attitude towards her, she still loved him. Sam felt a hand placed itself on her shoulder as she backed away from the scene.

Sam turned around and saw Derek looking at her with sad eyes. Her own filled with tears as she looked back at the scene before her. She backed up and stayed by his side, Isaac soon came over on his other side. 

"Do you—do you still—", Jackson stuttered out.

"I do.", Lydia immediately replied. She slowly nodded while tears were streaming down her face. "I do still love you." She let out a sob. "I do, I do still love you. I do.", she whispered. Jackson seemed satisfied and his head drooped on her shoulder before his body went limp.

Sam looked away, clenching her fists. He was an ass. He was always an ass...but she grew up with him. She never hated him as much as she pretended. She tolerated him and vise versa.

He didn't deserve to die. Saving him should've been the better option.

The object dropped from Jackson's hands and clanked loudly onto the concrete floor. It was a key—a house key. It must've held memories.

Lydia rocked back and forth, quietly repeating that she still loved him. Finally, she laid him on the ground as the last bit of his scales disappeared.

"Where's Gerard?", Allison asked. Sam rolled her eyes and looked over to where Gerard once laid, but he was gone. A pool of black blood was left in his place. What the hell. 

"He can't be far.", Chris assured. This old creep was crawling away and no one was concerned??

Lydia slowly stood up, sobbing and barely keeping it together. Stiles went to go comfort her but stopped when they all heard a noise echo through the warehouse.

It sounded something scratching against the floor…something like claws. They all focused behind Lydia to see Jackson. His wounds were healed, but he was still dead.

Suddenly Jackson's eyes opened, revealing his irises shining an unnatural icy blue. They all watched silently as he carefully got up and shifted into a werewolf right before them.

He stared up at the ceiling for half a second before letting out a ground-shaking howl. Jackson looked just as confused as they did after he shifted back to normal.

"Holy hell…", Sam muttered and looked at Derek as he looked at the boy in shock. This wasn't the plan. Lydia hurried and ran into his arms. They both tightly embraced and wrapped each other's arms around one another.

Everything was fine…for now.

"Let's go home." Sam looked at Derek who looked back down at her with a small smile. She returned the smile, and they did, only headed back to her place to get him cleaned after he had changed.

Derek sat on Sam's bed as she wrung out a towel before walking over to him. His face was still dirty from dried blood and dust.

He didn't meet her eyes as she cleaned his face. "You shouldn't be doing this.", he says. Sam smiled. "You're not the first person I cleaned up after a hard day."

"I'm sorry.", he suddenly said. Sam stopped. "You're apologizing."

He nodded. "For what?", Sam asked, resuming her cleaning. "Everything. I shouldn't have said what I said to you. I shouldn't have blamed you for Peter's doing. You're not an inconvenience. I never meant that.", he said.

Sam stopped, looking at him with a frown. "Derek."

"I'm serious. It wasn't right. I wasn't protecting you. I was protecting myself. I wasn't supposed to care what anyone thought of me. I...I haven't had anyone care about me after Laura... so it was difficult when you came around.", he confessed, looking down.

"For so long, I wanted to feel like I was somebody. Someone that others could rely on. Someone powerful. Someone who knew what they were doing. Scott made me realize that I'm really untrustworthy.", he expressed. "Before we left for Jackson…Erica and Boyd left."

Sam sighed.

Setting the damp towel down on her desk, she turned to him. "I knew you didn't mean what you said. Despite being hurt by your words, I know you didn't mean it. I just… I wish you'd have a little more faith in me. That's all. I do rely on you and sometimes I feel like I shouldn't because you already have so much to deal with."

She walked back over to him. "Your personality is a little questionable and your methods of caring are a little strange in its own way, but you still have a heart. That's what I like about you. That's why I trust you. You can be an amazing alpha. You know when to make the tough calls, despite not liking them.", Sam says and sit down next to him.

She looked down. "I know what it's like to feel alone. Abandoned. But if you have people that care about you, they'll stick around. They'll be there for you when you need them.", she says, smiling wistfully and looks up at him.

"When people leave you without a good reason, you gotta let them go sometimes. It's for your own good. All you can do is move on. If Erica and Boyd thought it was a good idea to leave, that's on them. But guess who you have. Me and Isaac and the others, and for some strange reason, your psychotic uncle. You're not alone, Derek.", she says, making him look at her. "You're not as bad as you make yourself seem."

His eyes blinked as if he were blinking away tears and suddenly hugged her. She hugged him back. "Thank you.", she hears him rasp. She rubbed his back as they sat in her dimmed moonlit room.

Early the next morning, before Derek was about to drop her at Stiles' house, they had made a quick stop into the woods with Isaac and Peter. As they approached the house, there was a weird symbol painted on the door. It was similar to Derek's weird tattoo, but it was different.

"This kinda looks like a swastika.", Sam muttered, and Isaac's eyes widened at her assumption.

"You haven't told them everything yet, have you?", Peter asked, looking over at Derek. Derek glared over at Peter, who grinned and leaned against a tree. Isaac and Sam looked at each other, shrugging and confused.

"What do you mean?", Isaac asked the older man.

"Why do you think Derek was in such a hurry to build his pack? So eager to strengthen his power and his number?"

"To be stronger. Strength in numbers.", Sam said, shrugging.

"When there's a new Alpha, people take notice.", Peter said.

"People like who?", Sam asked, looking at Derek.

Isaac walked up the steps of the house and pointed to the door. "What even is this?" Derek walked next to Sam. "What does this mean?", Sam asked.

"It's their symbol.", Derek said, gruffed. "And it means they're coming."

"Who?", Sam asked, concerned. They already had another threat…?

"Alphas.", Derek answered. Sam looked at him in bewilderment. "Alphas? As in plural?"

"A pack of them.", Derek said.

"A pack–?", Sam sighed, running a hand through her coils.

"An Alpha pack. And they're not coming…they're already here.", Peter said. Sam looked from Derek to Peter to Derek again.

Despite the issue, Derek dropped her off at the school and Stiles pulled his jeep onto the empty field; the trio piled out and went straight to the goal.

"So you really think she'll come back to you?", Sam asked Scott, who seemed better.

"Yeah, I know she will.", Scott said optimistically. Sam smiled and turned to Stiles. "What about you and Lydia?", Sam asked.

"Well, my ten-year plan for Lydia to fall in love with me may have to stretch to fifteen, but the plan is definitely still in motion.", he smiled. 

"Good.", Sam grinned. The boys followed her to the goal.

"Why don't you just ask her out?", Scott asked. Stiles and Sam laughed.

"Yeah, okay. Why don't you just get in the goal and help me make team captain like you promised, big guy.", Stiles suggested.

"You're reaching for the stars, huh?", Sam asked, smiling.

Stiles dropped his lacrosse gear to the ground and Sam stood next to him; Scott ventured into the goal with a lacrosse stick.

"Hey, you know what I just realized? I'm right back where I started.", Scott said. 

"What do you mean?" Stiles wondered.

"I mean no lacrosse, no popularity, no girlfriend, nothing."

"Dude, you still got me.", Stiles said, offended.

"I guess I'm just chopped liver.", Sam laughed.

"And you still got us. So life fulfilled, okay?", Stiles reassured. 

"Yeah, well I had you guys before.", Scott said.

"You're gonna have to work to get rid of us.", Sam grinned.

"Alright.", Scott smiled.

"Alright, remember no wolf powers.", Stiles reminded, readying his stick.

"Got it.", Scott nodded.

"No, I mean it! No super fast reflexes, no super eyesight, no hearing, none of that crap. Okay?"

"Okay.", Scott agreed. "Come on!", he urged with a laugh. Stiles got in position hesitantly.

"You promise?" He called.

"Stiles!", Sam laughed.

"Will you just take the shot already?", Scott rushed. Sam saw Scott's eyes turn gold and a smirk appeared on his lips. Stiles threw the ball into the net and Scott caught it fast.

"I said no wolf powers!", Stiles whined.

[austajunk]

Lately I've been imagining this komahinanami scenario, where basically Chiaki tries to give the boys a hint by taking them to her house for a slumber party (my parents aren't home kind of scenario), and playing an 18+ visual novel with a FMM threesome... It works. Also in this scenario Komaeda and Hajime both have a crush on Chiaki with a "why does she hang out with this hot dude" attitude towards each other that they keep hidden to not make her uncomfortable, but they just don't realise that what they feel is actually a crush and not kind of obsessive horny envy, they put two and two together by the end of the night though.

Chiaki has to do the lord’s work and bring two idiots together with the power of video games! Hell yeah! I love KomaHinaNami so much…

Lewd stuff, confessions, eroges and cock grinding below the cut!

Hajime was trying with all his might to pay attention to the game on Chiaki’s computer screen, but every so often, he found his eyes flickering over to the white-haired boy peeking over her shoulder.

Damn it. The poor Reserve Course student thought this was going to be some sort of game date just between him and Chiaki, but she actually invited her twisted classmate to sleep over with them. And it couldn’t be any more awkward!

Nagito Komaeda followed Chiaki around like a puppy dog, praising her whenever she handed him a tissue or smiled at him. He would give her a wide grin and gently brush off a piece of lint from her shoulder. It was something Hajime could help but to narrow his eyes at, especially when Nagito fired off instant facts about every single game that Chiaki talked about. Was… Was he trying to show him up?

Hajime hurried over to Chiaki’s bed as she set the game up on screens. What was the game again? Something about a succubus demon queen? He had barely paid attention to the title… even if it sounded a little unusual. Instead he was much more focused on finding a better seat to keep close to Chiaki… only to find himself half-plopped on Nagito’s lap.

“H-Hey-!” Hajime sputtered, flushing a bit. Quickly, he slipped away from Nagito as Chiaki’s classmate shot him a bemused look. “I was sitting there next to Nanami.”

“Ah.. my mistake,” said Nagito, his tone carrying a note of arrogance, “but surely you can settle on the floor for now. Nanami-san is so dusty today… tell me, does it all just come from the Reserve Course classrooms?”

Hajime shot daggers at the fluffy-haired bastard in response, his chest bubbling with irritation every time he saw those dull green eyes.

‘What the hell does Nanami see in this guy anyways? Any of her other classmates would be bad enough, but this guy… seriously?’

“I wonder what Miss Class Rep sees in you, you know? Being a Reserve Course student, after all…” Nagito rested his pretty head in his hands, glancing up at Hajime. That smile continued to play onto his face as his eyebrows quirked. “Does she need you to carry her homework for her? Surely you just get in the way of her developing her talent?”

“Oh,” said Chiaki, still connecting the speakers in front of them. She waved Nagito off. “Hinata-kun is just a really amazing friend. I want him to be around me a lot.” She gave a carefree yawn and stretched. “And Komaeda-kun is really good at gaming! And a good person, Hinata-kun! We should be able to combine our skills and have lots of fun!”

Nagito sighed, but gave her a friendly nod. “Oh, I see… that’s nice, I suppose.” His eyes wandered back to Hajime’s chest, seemingly tracing the bulge of his muscles through his tight white shirt. “Hm…”

She hopped up and slid her arm into Hajime’s arm, leading him over to the bed beside Nagito. She sat in between them with her arm still around the chestnut-haired student’s, smiling brightly as the tv screen relayed her desktop monitor.

“Help me choose our character’s path, okay?” She said to two of them… who were still gaping at each other.

“A…Alright.”

What else was Hajime supposed to do? Refuse her? Try to make up an excuse and go home? So he sat down beside Chiaki and tried to enjoy the fact that the Ultimate Gamer was clinging onto him while playing with her controller. In fact, he wanted to get a satisfying look at Nagito’s face since she was cozying up to a Reserve Course Student rather than someone from her own class.

But to his amazement, Hajime found that Nagito wasn’t looking at Chiaki when he glanced over. Instead, that pale face had been turned in his direction. His expression was utterly unreadable but those pretty eyes were boring straight into Hajime’s features as though he were drinking him in.

‘Wh…What’s he looking at?! Do I have something on my face?’ Hajime felt the flush on his cheeks deepen. A swarm of butterflies swirled around in the pits of his stomach. Nagito had such intense eyes. They were tired looking and lowered, but that gaze still captured Hajime entirely. His heart began to speed up inside his chest as he quickly glanced back at the screen.

‘This… This is fine… so he’s looking at me! So what? I’ll just focus on the game…’

And focus on the game, they did. Both boys squished close around Chiaki to try and ignore the tension in the air. Even Nagito knew that it was best to focus on Chiaki since she was so kind as to invite him to play games with her.

But after an exposition about the extinction of the succubus race in the game, the pink-skinned devil girl with voluptuous breasts had entered a green fantasy forest and paused among hearing some wild and vicious grunts in the distance.

“Ah… those sounds…” Nagito uttered, blinking.

“Er, Nanami, those sound like..” Hajime didn’t know how to finish that sentence as Chiaki ignored the two.

The succubus main character stooped upon two beautiful men in the forest…entirely naked. One male, a pretty knight with long black-hair, was pounding his cock into the backside of a much more slender, blonde elf-like male against a tree.

“Wah!” Hajime nearly fell off of the bed.

Nagito, too, didn’t seem to know where this was going. His cheeks were just the slightest bit pink but he kept watching with rapt attention.

Chiaki’s eyes widened a bit and she chewed on her bottom lip. But there was nothing more to indicate that she was as affected as her schoolmates. “Wow… he fits it all the way inside of him… they make it look so effortless, but… I don’t think it’s really so easy…” She turned to Hajime, her soft, cotton candy eyes lowering to his crotch. “What do you think, Hinata-kun?”

Hajime swallowed a dry bit of saliva, his heart racing. He didn’t want to stammer out something lame, but Chiaki was playing a porn game in front of them like it was nothing!

But Nagito’s voice cut in before Hajime could come out with it. “Nanami-san! This is incredible! Of course, a legendary gamer such as yourself would be able to get hold of an eroge not available to the general public!”

Chiaki simply nodded. “Mhmmm hmmm.”

With that, Chiaki returned her focus to the stream. Her kitten-like tongue swept across her bottom lip eagerly. Nagito followed suit and turned back towards the game where the voice acting was simulating the heated groans of the characters. When Hajime looked back, he could see the pretty elf male mounting in a mating press, the cock of his human lover splitting his tight, small ass apart.

“He’s taking it all,” said Chiaki. Hajime couldn’t help but to peer down to see her nipples stiffening through her white shirt. Wait… she wasn’t wearing a bra?! When did that happen?!

Hajime’s mouth was so dry and he could help but to quiver. Heat pooled to the core of his body and he felt like he couldn’t keep sitting upright.

The succubus Queen character hurried to the two men once they had climaxed together and sprayed the clean grass with their sticky loads. She pleaded to them to breed her over and over again until she was filled with their virile seed in order to revitalize her race.

The knight and the elf nodded to her and their hands reached eagerly for her breasts, groping them. The demon girl’s skin became slick with sweat from the hot outdoors sun and she was clay in their hands to be molded and played with. They both kissed and licked her, rubbing their erect cocks all over her silky, soft body…

This was starting to get unbearable for Hajime. His pants were so tight in the front. How the hell was he supposed to keep watching this and hide his boner?

“Nanami, I… I don’t think we should… this is…”

But before the rest could slip out, Nagito let out a soft wail and fell to his knees on the floor. His face was entirely red as he raised his hand to tug on Chiaki’s skirt.

“I.. I’m sorry, Nanami-san!” Nagito said, his face swelling with regret. “But I can’t keep going like this…” His eyes switched to Hajime and once more, Hajime found that watchful gaze engulfing his entire body.

When he blinked, Nagito had crawled before him and was now clinging to the front of Hajime’s pants. “I’m sorry, Hinata-kun… this entire time, I w…wanted to…” His fingers swept across the zipper. “May I please suck on your penis? I think… Ha… I can’t stop thinking about you…and this game makes me want you…”

“What-?!” Hajime sputtered, his face glowing. With Nagito’s soft hands stroking his front, he felt all the blood leave his brain immediately. “N…Nanami!”

Chiaki looked at the two thoughtfully and shrugged. “Hmmm… why not, Hinata-kun?” She swept down beside the two. Beneath her low blouse, her breasts swung lower against the fabric. She carefully placed her hand over Nagito’s and helped him guide the zipper down. Then she confidently tugged down his boxers until Hajime’s cock stood in attention before them.

“Nanami, what are you doing?!” Hajime wanted to pull away and cover himself from the two perverts on their knees. He had no idea his best friend was so forward! And Nagito… he had really been watching him like this?!

“Hinata-kun, you’re wet here…” Chiaki cooed. She nodded to Nagito and watched him drop his pants and boxers as well. As he stood, she placed her soft fingers around his cock and used her free hand to explore Hajime’s shaft as well, bringing them closer until their meaty tips touched.

“See?“ Chiaki murmured, smiling gently. “You should let them join. They feel good together, right?”

Hajime swallowed. His cock… his own cock was brushing against Nagito’s. It felt strange… but good. He wanted to rub himself against Nagito, to jerk off against his body like the characters in the game. His mind was already flashing with the images of pinning the slender student down and mounting him. Then he wanted to follow it up with planting his cock in between Chiaki’s amazing breasts and fucking them, watching them bounce like crazy.

“Hinata-kun… your dick is twitching against mine,” Nagito whispered hotly. A bead of sweat trailed down his neck. He jerked his hips forward and grinded his tip against Hajime’s rock-hard length. “Aheh… the Succubus Queen has brought us together…”

He nodded to Chiaki, whose head was perked up to run her tongue along Hajime’s cock as it pressed to Nagito’s tip. She then moved and kissed along until she reached Nagito’s girth, peppering it with lewd licks.

Hajime sighed… but then he smiled. His hands fell to Nagito’s waist, pulling him closer as Chiaki kissed both of their cocks. Their heads pushed together past her lips, breaching her warm, wet mouth.

“It looks like she really did…”

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Third Letter

-----------------

To: Hong Jisoo/Joshua

From: Y/N

To Joshua,

this is a letter for you, confessing my true feelings because I can't do it in person and I never will.

I also want to apologize for overhearing what you said a few hours ago. I don't know if it was sincere or if you just wanted to make an excuse and hide your feelings. Don't worry, I'm not thinking that you did the second one. I believe that you truly don't like me back the way I like you. I truly believe that you told your friend that with full sincerity. You denied it when he asked, “Do you like Y/N?” because you don't like me in that way.

Honestly, when I heard that from my bedroom window, I was heartbroken. Of course, that's because I just found out the guy I was beginning to fall in love with didn't like me the same way. I didn't cry, just sat in the corner of my bed, in the dark, listening to sad songs.

“Do you like Y/N?”

You chuckled and I can picture you covering your mouth habitually.

“Y/N? Why do you ask?”

“I'm just curious.”

“Well, you two hang out a lot lately.”

“No, I don't like Y/N like that.”

The conversation is still fresh in my mind.

Joshua, hope that we can still be friends. I hope that we can still be neighbors. I know that you're a good person inside and out, Joshua. If I can't love you in the way I do, I won't love you at all. I don't want to ruin the neighbor-friend relationship we have even if I want more than that. You're a great guy and I mean that.

I still have the shirt you gave me but I've stuffed it behind my closet so that I won't have any traces of you. I want to stop my feelings for you as quickly as possible because I know, I would still have to face you, talk with you, and see you. If I can't tuck away these feelings, I'll fall deep. I just want someone to come into my life and take me away from you. That's how much I liked you, Joshua.

I want to ask you, am I being too obvious with my feelings? Are my insecurities showing to you? When you see me, can you tell that my heart is jumping because of you? Joshua, I think you're aware of how I feel but you're just not accepting it because you don't want to hurt me, am I right?

That shirt that you gave me, I can't just return it to you out of the blue, it's probably too strange, right? If I did, you would realize that something was up with me. I can't let that happen now so I'm writing you this letter.

I think about the day we both had our first interaction a lot. It was the week after your family moved into the house next to mine. You were watering the flowers in the front yard and got distracted by a bird. I remember, as I was walking by your house to my bus stop at the corner of the block, I caught a glance of you waving to a common brown bird.

Thinking about this meeting made me laugh. I didn't know I would meet a person in this kind of way but apparently, I met you like this. Just one second after I turned on my music and plugged my left ear, water just splashed on me! For some reason, I wasn't angry, I was just flustered and a bit amused.

I froze in the middle of the sidewalk and when I turned to you, I guess I looked intimidating? You bowed so many times and kept on repeating your apology.

Of course, you didn't know that you looked so cute while bowing and apologizing.

I guess you told your mom about it while expressing how sorry you were. When I came back home from school, your mother confronted me to give me some food. I don't know if you knew about this but she told me that she was sorry for you getting me wet this morning.

The next day, you came up to me with the shirt, continuing to apologize. I think that sparked our friendship. Soon, we were inviting each other over for a barbeque. Your family and my family were both small so I guess it felt like we were just one big family having dinner, cooking outdoors. It makes me feel guilty for thinking of you like that but was I able to help it? No, not really.

Gosh... Am I writing too much? It's not like we did much together. We talked a lot. You talked with me a lot. You also helped me whenever I was having a hard time with schoolwork. At first, you seemed like a mature and gentleman type of guy but the closer we grew made me realize that you're a bit playful too. That's a quality of yours, Joshua. To me, it seemed like our personalities fit perfectly.

Of course, you don't see it that way though. I was probably just a friend that helped you get used to the area. I think I was able to tell you just about everything because you were so trustworthy. You were just a friend I was desperate to keep but that desperation led me to grow feelings for you. In time, I'll get used to it.

There were times aside from when we talk that made me fall for you. To you, I'm probably nothing more than a sibling-like neighbor. Do you treat me like a sibling because we both have none?

Sometimes, you would fix my hair for me, tucking a strand behind my ear. Sometimes you would pat my shoulder and compliment me, saying that I looked good. You always remind me to be careful. You always remember things about me that I don't.

Sometimes you would joke around, saying I had something behind my ear, or in my hair, and then you'd give me a flower. I noticed your love for grass because of that.

Why are you such a warm, gentle, and kind guy? You've only fed me sweet moments.

Even your warm smile is always stuck in my mind. Do you know how much comfort I receive from your smile? Whenever I look into your twinkling eyes, I always feel my heart skip a beat. The sun seems to always be on your side, making you glow.

Do you know that whenever you're focused on creating bracelets and stuff, you look handsome? I don't want to sound like a fangirl, but I think you look attractive when you're focused. Plus, you create each bracelet with so much care and sincerity that it makes me wonder when I'll get one. They are all so pretty.

I also want to ask this.

Gizzy. Who is she to you?

I first met her when I was going to your house to return a cup that your mother gave me. Gizzy was standing there with her twin brother and she asked me who I was. At that moment, I knew what kind of person she was. You seem to be friends with her twin but she always tags along to your house.

Joshua, I don't know if you can tell, but she's not right for you. I know that you know she likes you, but please, whatever it is, don't date her. If you do fall for a girl like her, I'll be questioning myself all year long.

I'm deciding not to love you anymore but I'm not writing this piece of advice out of jealousy. You two are truly a bad match. I don't want her to change you. Once she does get you, she's going to make you distance yourself from me. I can tell. She doesn't like me and I don't like her either.

I'm sure you know yourself better, Joshua.

That's just a piece of advice that I'm scared to say to you. Maybe one day I'll tell you to not date her. For now, I'm going to stay silent and act as if I don't have any opinions. I don't want to distance us and since you're my neighbor, I especially don't want to make you angry.

I also noticed that you don't get angry easily, which makes me think that you're scary when you're angry. You seem so angelic that I can follow you to the deepest ends of the world, giving you my whole trust. Even if you do get extremely angry at me one day, enough to yell at me, I will still trust you fully. I can trust you with my hand when on the edge of a cliff.

You did get slightly angry at me a few times and whenever I think of those moments, my heart still beats nervously.

I remember once when you were extra sensitive and I accidentally provoked you by continuously asking how you were feeling and you sort of snapped at me. I don't blame you though because that day, I must have been annoying, worrying about you too much and getting too much into your business. The feeling... It was a bit shocking.

After that, you could tell by my expression that I was shocked and you apologized, saying you didn't feel well. I apologized too but whenever I thought of that time, I would feel my heart grow heavy, even though you had patted my head that day.

Joshua, I hope that you can find someone good for you. It won't be me or Gizzy. Find someone that you truly love.

I hope we can still be friends because you're a really great, amazing person. I hope that we can still be friends, neighbors, continue having our barbeques and family gatherings. I'm determined to fall out of love with you so that I can see you as a brother-like neighbor. I want to have that kind of close relationship.

Let's be good friends and neighbors.

You won't even know I ever liked you.

I hope you'll just think that way.

Your friend and neighbor,

Y/N.

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

6/19/21 - 5:48 pm

a/n: A few days ago, I powered off my phone since the keyboard was laggy (it does that whenever I copy and paste too much) and it had to go through a factory data reset, which meant I lost all my data since I don't use an SD card... I had to redownload everything, including apps, music, etc. THANK GOD I moved all my writing to my Google drive. Sigh, I wanted to write but I had to redo everything and I lost all of my plot ideas for my requests...

[maraudererasmut]

Black and White (Part XXXVI)

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI | Part XII | Part XIII | Part XIV | Part XV | Part XVI | Part XVII | Part XVIII | Part XIX | Part XX | Part XXI | Part XXII | Part XXIII | Part XXIV | Part XXV | Part XXVI | Part XXVII | Part XXVIII | Part XXIX | Part XXX | Part XXXI | Part XXXII | Part XXXIII | Part XXXIV | Part XXXV* | Part XXXVI | Part XXXVII | Part XXXVIII

((Hey all! I might have to take a bit of an unexpected hiatus for a few days. Don’t worry, I will try to continue to write while I am gone and post as soon as I can. I apologize for the inconvenience!))

TW: mentions of sex (no actual sex, just vague discussions about it!)

It had been over a week since Remus and Sirius had fooled around in Black and White, and their late night shenanigans had yet to be mentioned by either party. Remus had avoided bringing anything up at the risk of making Sirius feel uncomfortable, and he could only assume that his boyfriend had done the same.

When Remus was out with Lily on their weekly coffee date, he absentmindedly nodded along to whatever his friend was saying; his mind was focused on other, more pressing matters.

"You okay, Remus?" Lily asked, nudging her friend with her foot. "You look a little out of it…"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he muttered, trying to bring his attention back to Lily. "Just lost in thought…"

"Wanna share with the class?"

Remus shrugged, taking a sip of his tea. He wasn't sure how much to disclose, or how much Sirius had already said to her. Seeing as Lily wasn't begging for additional details, Remus had assumed that Sirius hadn't mentioned anything about their evening in the gallery.

"Is Sirius a virgin?" Remus asked, surprising even himself with his straightforward question.

Lily stared blankly for a moment before bursting out in laughter. Remus furrowed his brow, trying to figure out what was so funny.

"What kind of a question is that, Remus? Where did that come from?"

"Iunno…" Remus looked down at his hands, trying not to let himself feel embarrassed. "I... was just wondering…"

Lily blinked. She scrunched her nose and tilted her head to the side.

"You're not kidding, are you..."

"Nope."

"Uh… no. No, Sirius isn't a virgin. Remus, he's almost thirty!"

"So?" Remus scowled at Lily, crossing his arms in dismay. "Age has nothing to do with that."

"You're right, you're right… I'm sorry. I just… A— are you?" 

"What? No! I'm— no, I'm not. This isn't about me." Remus knew he was sounding a bit too defensive, but he hadn’t been expecting Lily to ask him that. Remus never had any particular qualms discussing his sex life in general, so he didn’t mind answering candidly— he was just taken by surprise by Lily asking him the same question in return. "I...well, things were a bit odd the other night and I was just… wondering…"

"Odd?" Lily quirked an eyebrow as she rested her chin in her palm. "In what way?"

Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"How much do you know?"

"Nothing." Lily must have noticed the look on Remus' face, because she put her hands up and let out a giggle. "Honestly! Nothing! He hasn't told me anything! Last I heard, you two made up and you've been on a few dates and that's it!"

Remus nodded— they had made up and been on a few dates, that much was true. It seemed that Sirius neglected to tell Lily that after each date since their night in the gallery, he gave Remus a chaste kiss and a jovial goodbye before driving away. 

"Sirius and I… we uh… we haven't…" Remus ran a hand through his curls, trying to think of a way to discuss this delicately. "I mean, we've only been dating for a week, but I was kind of expecting to… you know… and we haven't…"

"Hmm…" Lily crossed her fingers and chewed her lip in contemplation. "Maybe he's… trying not to push you? Like… maybe he's trying to respect your boundaries?"

"I've… made my intentions pretty clear," Remus admitted with a chuckle. He had not been subtle about his desire to sleep with Sirius this past week, but Sirius acted as if he was none the wiser. 

"Have you tried asking him?"

Remus shrugged. 

"I figured I'd ask you first… I didn't really want to… make things awkward, you know? We haven't been together that long. I was starting to get the feeling that something else was up..." Remus took another sip from his mug, trying to give himself a moment to think. "Is this… his first time dating a guy?"

Lily shook her head.

"No, he's been with men before. He's… never been averse to sleeping with anyone, to put it lightly."

"Just me, then..." Remus didn’t mean to sound so dejected when he spoke, but he couldn’t keep it out of his voice. 

Lily's expression changed to the dreaded look of pity that Remus hated. She reached a hand out to his, giving it a squeeze.

"I'm sure that's not it, Remus. You should talk to him! I'm sure he has a good reason for why you two haven't done anything…"

Remus' mind wandered briefly to a fleeting image of Sirius on his knees and he quickly distracted himself with his tea. 

"We… I mean… it's not like we haven't done anything…" He murmured, barely concealing his blush.

"Oh my god, Remus! Why haven't you told me?! Tell me everything!" Lily had a grin so wide, Remus couldn't stifle his laugh. 

"No. I'm not telling you everything. We just… we did some stuff… he didn't seem as interested in doing other things…"

"Ugh, you're being so vague. This isn't helpful, you know!" Lily tried to give Remus a serious look, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. 

"He… didn't seem too keen on having sex. I didn't want to push it, so I just… left it at that. I was confused, is all. So I figured I'd ask you if he...had ever done it before..."

Lily's smile wilted as she considered Remus carefully, trying to read him.

"As far as I know, Sirius has always been fine with sex… I'm not really sure what's going on… Do you… want me to talk to James?"

"No no, leave James out of it. I'll talk to Sirius myself. I just…" Remus rolled his eyes as he thought about this whole situation. "I figured I should do some recon in case there was something delicate that I needed to know before I breached the subject. God… this is all so high school…"

Lily smirked at her friend over her coffee cup. 

"You two are adorable," she cooed before taking a sip.

"Yeah yeah… shut up."

——-

"Hey Remus!"

Sirius sounded so enthusiastic on the phone, Remus could picture the gallery owner's smile perfectly in his head. The artist grinned up at his ceiling as he held his cell to his ear.

"Hey…"

"Ready for tonight? I was thinking we could catch a play. I've got a friend who can get us great seats—"

"That sounds lovely, Sirius," Remus interrupted, trying not to sound like he wasn't grateful. 

"I feel there's a but coming…"

"I thought maybe… we could stay in tonight? I mean, don't get me wrong, this past week has been amazing, and it's so sweet of you to take me out to all of these things…"

"But?"

Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself.

"But I hate that it always has to be you treating me. I'd… I'd love to be able to treat you to something for a change. I just… you know I can't really aff—"

"Exactly!" Sirius sounded like he was sure Remus had just proved his point. "I don't mind treating you to stuff! You're my boyfriend, afterall. Let me spoil you. You know that I can afford it, I don't really see the problem!"

Remus held back his groan. Of course Sirius didn't see the problem.

"I know, I just…" Remus picked up a paintbrush that had been lying on his bedside table and he began to twiddle it between his fingers. "I like that you want to spoil me, I just… I'm not really a fan of being spoiled…"

There was a pause on the other end, and for a moment, Remus was sure that Sirius was about to break up with him.

"So… you don't want me to take you out places?"

"No, no, I just… how 'bout a happy medium? It doesn't have to be going out every time we see each other. We don't have to go to fancy restaurants every evening. We can… stay in sometimes. Watch some TV… play a board game… you know?"

Something about Sirius' silence told Remus that he didn't know.

"So… you want to spend tonight in?"

"Yeah! You can… uh…" Remus turned to look at his tiny flat, knowing that it was nothing compared to what Sirius was used to. "You can come to my place if you want. I can… cook you dinner…"

Remus silently prayed that Sirius would say no and invite Remus over to his place instead. That would be the ideal compromise: a night at Sirius' place.

"You know what? I'd like that. Dinner at your place sounds lovely."

Remus blinked, his hand stopped moving and the brush fell onto his chest.

"I… what?"

"We can have dinner at your place tonight. I didn't realize you could cook!"

Neither did I…

Remus closed his eyes tightly, silently cursing himself for trying to be polite and inviting Sirius over.

"Yeah, okay," he choked out, trying to sound casual. "I'll cook you dinner at mine. See you tonight…"

"See you tonight, Remus. I can't wait to see what you're gonna make!"

"Yeah… same…" Remus groaned, more to himself than to Sirius. He had accidentally dug himself a hole that he wasn't entirely sure he could climb out of. 

[letshaikyuu]

hey, hon! I'm sorry to be bothering you but, if you have time and want to, do you think you could do headcanons for Suga or Iwa? Just fluff is fine, no matter what. I've been feeling pretty bad lately and I only think about my babies and ya. Anyway, congratulations on the 100 followers and I love your work! keep it up

Of course i have the time to whip up some fluffy stuff for these two beauties and it's a pleasure to write for you because I adore your work and hopefully you'll like mine >~<

Sugawara Koushi and Iwaizumi Hajime Fluffy Headcanons

Sugawara Koushi

Nothing can pass by Mama crow and I mean nothing

Suga is literally the sweetest, he's so caring, so loving and just wants to take care of you

When you're not feeling well and something is up, he'll have his mama sensors tingling

Waits to see if you'll say anything by yourself...you won't? Oh dear no... I can't save you from him then haha

He will sit down with you a few days after he noticed you being in a bad mood

He'll make your favorite food, put on a good show or movie and basically cacoon you into a fluffy blanket and some soft pillows

You'll feel very safe and secure then that your problems walk away for a moment. You're living in the present, with sweet Koushi by your side

His arms are around you and pulling you real tight against him, his hand is tracing circles on your back and you almost, aLmOsT fall asleep when-

"Did you plan on telling me what's wrong?"

Oh fluff...he isn't amused anymore

Not necessarily angry at you but feels hurt a little because he thinks you don't trust him enough to talk to him about your problems

Doesn't want to meddle but if it's becoming prolonged then he's pretty sure it's serious

You'll face him when finally opening up about what's bothering you, his eyes would gaze at you, fully focused and his thumb is rubbing your knee in this real soft way that its just soothing

When it all finishes, he'll transfer you to the bed where you two snuggle up real close to each other and you're free from most worries cause you have Sugawara Fluffing Koushi as your boyfriend

Iwaizumi Hajime

Isn't as observing as Koushi. Yes, he definitely notices something is wrong when your mood changes but doesn't pick up on it real early like Koushi

Baby doesn't strike me as a cooker so that's out of the window

Bangs his head against the wall trying to think of a way to make you feel better because you, apparently, weren't planning on saying anything yourself

Ends up just buying your favorite snacks in the store, maybe this cute little stuffed animal just cause it reminded him of you

Comes to your house, he isn't oozing confidence while standing at your front door. He's nervous, he isn't the perfect type for consoling but he's going to try

You're pretty surprised when you see him at your doorstep and before you can even question him he goes:

"I noticed you've been pretty upset lately and I want to make you feel better so can I come in?"

Definitely doesn't say this calmly lol but you caught on to his words and your heart just goes uwu cause he's going out of his comfort zone to do this

You two would head up to your room and close to the door. He'll notice how it looked like you haven't left your room in a while and that worries him a bit

Tries to act as normal as usual because maybe you don't want to talk about your problems??? Maybe this was a bad idea??? He's worried.

When you decide to let him know what's going on, he feels protective all of a sudden. Asks if he can help you in any way cause he'll be damned if someone messes with you

In the end it's you that ends up calming him down by gently running your hand over his arm and reasurring him that all you need at this moment is him... And some cuddles

Blushing Iwa is the best Iwa

But you'll always appreciate this kind gesture of his because he really tried his best and he was so nice and caring while doing this ❤️

[harringrovetrashrat]

heyyy uhhhh can i get a #43 with a side of #3 and umm, can I add on some insercurites for free? how much? all my love and appreciation?? dang I've already maxed out my card but you can have my heart...

Anon, anon, anon.... I’ll do it for free.  The love an appreciation is very welcome tho (i’m a leo bastard) ;)

Why this prompt gave me trouble, I HAVE NO IDEA.  It took FOREVER to get myself going, I even had to do a fucking twitter poll, and I’m still unhappy with how this came out.  So, on the house, I’m gonna rewrite this again later.  Because there’s not enough of anything in here.

That all being said, I don’t fully hate this and I wanted to get something out for ya.  And let you know that more was coming after this.  (Fic under the cut)

--

Steve watched as Billy leaned against the lifeguard tower, finger twirling one of Casey’s curls, making her blush.  He sunk lower on the plastic lounger, glaring through his sunglasses.  It wasn’t like he thought Billy was really into her.  But still.  It made his heart clench and his stomach all queasy whenever Billy flirted with someone else.

Steve knew he wasn’t bad to look at.  That he was pretty cute.  But after Nancy and the tunnels and everything, he’d kind of lost his appeal or something.  Girls didn’t flirt with him, like, ever.  And it wasn’t like he was looking for their attention, but it would have been nice.  To get confirmation you weren’t fucking hideous.  Because Billy was gorgeous.

Like made Steve sweat the first time he saw him gorgeous.  Like, model gorgeous.  Like a fucking sun god, all tan skin, freckles, and muscles that Steve just wanted to run his tongue along, to bite and fawn over--

Steve groaned quietly and pushed his sunglasses up, pressing the meat of his palms to his eyes.

They’d talked about it before.  Talked about how Steve didn’t need to worry, but sometimes he didn’t know why Billy was doing, well, whatever it was they were doing, besides the obvious us both knowing about monsters thing.  Nothing like shared trauma.  Maybe it was because he was the only other guy in town who was okay having another guy’s dick in his mouth.  Steve sighed and grabbed his stuff, catching Dustin’s attention.

“What?” He asked, coming over.

“You guys want pizza and ice cream?  On me.” Dustin perked up and grinned.

“Hell yeah!  Can’t see why anyone would say no to that!” He went back over the The Party, gesturing animatedly.  They cheered and Steve ignored the way Billy’s eyes darted over and didn’t leave him until he was walking out the gate.

--

Steve fidgeted with the remote, hating himself and hating Billy and hating Hawkins.  He hadn’t heard anything from Billy, even though they supposedly had plans tonight.  Well, they had their usual It’s Friday let’s get wasted and fool around thing.  At least, he thought they did.  What a fucking chump.  He scrubbed at his eyes, ignoring the pit in his stomach when the clock hit 1 in the morning.  Ignoring that Billy should have been here 3 hours ago.

Steve had really thought things were getting better.  Billy had been staying the night, been staying for breakfast, and it had made Steve yearn for something domestic.  He wanted to spend every morning dressed in his underwear and one of Billy’s shirts, making them omelettes.  Give him his coffee, just the way he likes it.  Have Billy pull him down for a kiss that’s barely a kiss because they’re both smiling.

And then he ignored Steve for 3 days.

So Steve had gone to the pool.

And there was Billy.  And Casey.

Billy had ignored him the whole time.

And now here he was, somehow still under the impression that Billy might have come over for their usual Friday hangout.  That maybe Steve could pretend for a little bit that he mattered to someone.  That one fucking person wanted to spend time with him.  Wanted to be around him just because.

He wiped at the tears welling in his eyes and stood up, accepting that it was time to call it a night.  As he passed by the front door to head up the stairs, someone began pounding on it.  Steve let out a bitten off shriek and clutched at his chest.  Whoever was there wasn’t bothered by the noise, just kept pounding away.  Steve licked his lips and grabbed the bat he kept by the door.  Regular.  No nails.  He got it ready and swung the door open, ready for --

Billy Hargrove.  Drunk as a fucking skunk.  Falling forward with the momentum of his fist, eyes wide.  Steve caught him and stumbled back, dropping the bat.

“What the fuck?” Steve said, his voice flat.  Billy gripped the front of Steve’s shirt and pulled himself up, eyes bloodshot.

“Steve,” Billy slurred.  “You’re awake.” His eyes were wide, like he was shocked, and he didn’t pull away, keeping his face close to Steve’s.

“Yeah,” Steve replied, wrinkling his nose because Billy’s breath reeked.  “Waited up for you.” Billy rested his forehead in the crook of Steve’s neck and brought his arms up, pulling Steve closer.  Steve couldn’t help himself, he was so fucking starved for attention, and he let Billy cling to him, wrapping his own arms around his waist.

“Thought you would,” he hiccuped, “Wouldn’t wanna see me.” Steve sighed.

“Can’t say I’m thrilled you showed up 3 hours late and drunk,” he said, because he shouldn’t be happy Billy came like this, but he is.  He’s happy he came at all.  And how fucking sad was that.

“I didn’t wan-wanna intrude on your time with the nerds.”

“Too busy with Casey?” Steve snapped.  He felt Billy stiffen against him.  Watched him pull back and level Steve with an annoyed look.

“Fuck does that mean?” He grumbled.  Steve rolled his eyes, suddenly so fucking angry because Billy didn’t even notice.  Didn’t even fucking care.

“It means,” Steve bit out, “That you can just tell me if you wanna fuck other people.” Billy looked at him like he was making no sense, which just irked Steve more.  “You don’t have to, to let me down gently, okay?  I can take it.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?”

“Oh my god!” Steve finally pulled all the way away from Billy, wrapping his arms around himself and hunching over, trying to make himself smaller.  “Just leave.” He didn’t look at Billy, scared that he might cry, over Billy fucking Hargrove.

“Is this,” Billy began, speaking slowly, sounding a bit more sober now, “About the flirting?”

“Is this about--” Steve scoffed and shook his head.

“Seriously?  You’re worked up over harmless flirting?” Billy sounded annoyed and Steve felt like fucking shit.  Felt tears welling up because he was an idiot.

“Fuck you,” he said, voice watery.  “I fucking--  I’m worked up,” he spit out, “Because you ignored me for 3 days.  Because when I wanted to talk to you, you fucking, fucking laughed in my face.” He scrubbed at his eyes, wishing he wasn’t crying over Billy goddamn Hargrove.  “Because you apparently can’t even bear to be my friend in public.” He laughed, the noise twisting into an aborted sob at the end.  “I’m worked up because I was actually convinced for like, a little while, that you cared about me.  That this wasn’t some fucking distraction from the bullshit.  That it maybe meant something.” Steve still hadn’t looked at Billy, who had been quiet the whole time.  “You know, sometimes, I fucking hate you.” Steve was surprised at the sharp inhale of breath and looked up, shocked to see Billy quickly rubbing at his eyes.  He glared at the floor and licked his lips.

“Please--” he stammered.  “Please don’t say that.” Steve was thrown for a loop.  Billy using please?  Billy looking upset?  Billy being anything other than his usual I’m too cool to care about anyone or anything self?

“What,” Steve said, monotone.

“I--” Billy swallowed and shut his eyes tightly, like he also couldn’t look at Steve while he was vulnerable.  Like he was vulnerable.  “I-- I got scared.” He swallowed, eyes still closed.  “When you-- You’re just so--”

“What,” Steve repeated.

“In the morning,” Billy said.  “When you smile at me, and it’s all soft and just for me, I just--” He licked his lips and wiped over his mouth harshly.  “I want that.  I got scared because I want it so much and you just…” He stopped, words trailing off like he’d already pried out what he could.  Steve couldn’t do anything more than stare, mouth open in a small ‘o.’

“So why--”

“I wanted you to hate me,” Billy said.  “I wanted you to hate me because then I wouldn’t ruin it.  I wouldn’t ruin you and you could go back to your life before I inevitably fucked this up.  But,” he let out a shuddery breath, “But hearing you say it… I don’t-- I don’t want you to--”

“I don’t,” Steve replied, probably too fast.  “I don’t hate you.”

“You should,” Billy whispered.  Steve didn’t know how to respond, so instead, he took Billy’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen.  Made him an instant coffee and got him a glass of water.  They sat in silence, neither looking at the other, until Steve cleared his throat.

“So, you really aren’t into Casey?” Billy let out a shocked laugh and shook his head.

“How is that what you’re focused on,” he muttered.  “No, I’m not.  My dad knows when I’m not, well, fucking around.  Knows that means I found someone.”

“What the fuck?” Billy shrugged.

“I’m good at pretending, Harrington, but I’m not like you.  I don’t like girls.  Sex is nice enough but they don’t really do it for me.  We left San Diego because my dad figured that out.  And he always asks who I’m meeting when I go on dates, always makes sure he knows where I am--”

“Seriously, what the fuck!” Billy shrugged again, staring into his mug.

“I don’t flirt because I want to,” he said, voice soft.  “I do it because I have to.  Because he doesn’t ask me where I go every Friday anymore.” Steve felt like shit again, but now for a whole new reason.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Billy said.  “I should have told you.  Don’t know that I ever would have if you didn’t push me.  If I wasn’t still fucking drunk right now.” He finally, finally looked at Steve, and Steve was surprised at just how tired he looked.  “You told me how it made you feel, and I couldn’t even--” He looked away again.

“It did kind of feel like shit,” Steve said.  He backtracked when Billy hunched in on himself.  “But it was also because I was a little jealous.  That like, you even could flirt.” Billy raised a brow, confused.  “It’s stupid,” Steve said, blushing, “But you’re like, like a fucking adonis?  Shut up,” he said when Billy snickered.  “And like, I know I’m not like, ugly or anything, but I’m not anything special, so I just--”

“Not anything special?” Billy asked, looking confused again.  “Are you kidding me?” Steve flushed and looked away, frowning.

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Steve muttered.

“No, no,” Billy said, grabbing Steve’s hand.  “You--” Billy looked at a loss for words.  For once.  “The minute I saw you I couldn’t-- I couldn’t think about anything except the fact that I wanted to suck your dick.” Steve rolled his eyes but smiled a little.  “Seriously, Harrington.  The minute I finally saw that dick?” Billy shook his head.  “A goner.  Wanted to fucking choke on it.”

“Billy,” Steve sighed, smiling a little more.  “You don’t--”

“I’m not going to stop until you remember that you’re hot as fuck, okay?” Billy looked away, a blush creeping across his face and down his neck.  “I get lost in your eyes sometimes,” he mumbled.  “They’re so open and kind and deep.” He looked back at Steve and brought his hand up to Steve’s face.  “When you’re asleep I see how many moles I can count.” He cupped his jaw, thumb rubbing a gentle circle on Steve’s cheek.  “It hurts to look at you sometimes,” Billy whispered, eyes glazed over.  “Especially when you smile at me.  When you’re shining so bright and I just--” He leaned forward, pulling Steve into a gentle, but thorough, kiss.  Steve kissed back, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“Billy,” he choked out, lips still pressed against Billy’s.

“You’re so good, Steve,” Billy said in a rush.  “Please, please forgive me for making you feel like you weren’t-- You know that I--” Steve cut him off with a kiss, letting Billy’s tongue swirl around his before pulling back, breath short.

“We should maybe talk about things a little more,” he mumbled, smile wet from tears, but still light.  Billy smiled a little.

“Maybe.”

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Five

A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to @xpoisonousrosesx , HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY, BEAUTIFUL!! I hope it was a good day, and I pray this is your best year yet. I love you!!💕💕

Words: 3.8k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

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I smooth the hair dye through Nikki's roots, wiping my forehead with my forearm as he chatters on and on about the album.

"Tommy's fixed on making a song about strippers, and Mick's giving pretty good riff ideas, but Vince is too busy frying in the fucking sun to give a shit. As usual." He complains and I lick my lips and keep quiet. "Don't even get me started on how I showed him 'Veins' and he outright said he wasn't singing that 'shit'. If he doesn't like the fucking lyrics he can get his ass off the fucking beach or pull his cock out of cheap-bitch pussy and write a fucking song himself. Lazy fucking bastard. Then he wants to groan about how hard he works. Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't aware standing in front of a microphone and giving half-assed vocals is so fucking exhausting--which counting how much energy he spends talking back to me or Mick or Tommy, he probably is exhausted by the time he's done laying vocals and blowing load after load down a line of groupies' throats while Sharise is at home taking care of their fucking child. Fucking asshole."

"Vince has always been that way. I don't know why you're just now realizing this." I mumble, sectioning off another piece of his hair before glopping dye onto it.

"No, no. He had an attitude to begin with but it was the perfect amount for the band. Now he's getting singer syndrome and I'm not dealing with his prima-donna bullshit."

"He's not perfect, Nikki, maybe he's just going through something and he'll get better once whatever it is passes."

"He's not going through anything, he's just drinking again." He states and I raise my brows.

"Nikki, he's not drinking again."

"Yes, he is."

"How do you know?"

"I know what beer smells like. He reeks of it anytime he's in the studio."

At least it's not crack.

"So, this song about strippers..." I change the subject, starting on another section of his hair.

"Tommy just has the main tagline of the chorus in his head and we're working on lyrics and music for it, now. I think it'll be a good single."

"What's the main tagline for the chorus?"

"I can't tell you, it's a surprise." He grins when I step out from behind him to look down at him. "But you'll like it."

"Whatever you say." I sigh, finishing his hair, taking the gloves up. "Alright, leave it in for twenty minutes then we'll go rinse it out." I tell him, turning my back to go throw the box dye supplies and empty bottle away.

"Hey, does this stuff stain the floor?" He calls while I'm in the kitchen.

"...Yeah." I reply before it hits me why he's asking.

I rush back into the dining room to see him swiping the towel that was once over his shoulders, being wiped back and forth against the floor by his boot, probably trying to soak up what dye he got on the floor.

"Nikki!" I exclaim.

"I'm getting it up." He reassures me, laughing me off.

"It's getting on your shirt now!"

"You know how to get it out in the wash, though, so it's fine." He shrugs, smirking at me and I have to keep myself from screaming at him, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Okay. Okay." I say to myself, aloud, feeling his hands hold at my waist and I open my eyes, looking up at his dye soaked hair that's dripping down his shirt now that he doesn't have his towel on his shoulders to protect him. "You wouldn't take your shirt off before I started dyeing your hair, you wouldn't keep your towel over your shoulders and now you have dye on your shirt and I'm gonna have to scrub at it with vinegar and soap. You are a child. I am married to a man-child."

"You can spank me if you want to." He raises his brows and I have to keep myself from cracking up, holding back my smile.

"It's not funny." I tell him.

"It is." He argues.

"No it's not."

"It kind is."

"No, it's no--ahh!" I squeal, jerking away from him as he tickles me.

He stops in a split second, his eyes focused on something over my shoulder.

I turn my head to see Vanity standing at doorway, and I can practically feel the anger rolling off of her as she grinds her teeth.

She doesn't look as sweet as usual.

"Where the hell were you last night?!" She asks him, and I feel him tense up like a cat with it's fur standing up due to being threatened.

"With my wife."

It seems like she twitches at the word "wife" before she rolls her jaw.

"That's the third time you've bailed on plans made with me, Nikki. I'm really starting to get the impression you don't wanna be friends anymore."

"I've been working on music and trying to take a step back from the drugs, Vanity. When I feel like going down hill again, I'll give you a call." He states to her and she glares daggers at him before looking at me.

"You should be very proud of him, Vivian, I mean, really." She sarcastically let's out. "He really takes his marriage so serious."

"Vanity, you're stoned. Get lost." Nikki orders her and that seems to make it worse.

"Get lost?! I'm trying to figure out what's wrong, Nikki, and why you don't want to see me, so I can fix it!"

"And I'm telling you I'm busy working on the album, trying get sober, and, oh, yeah, spending time with Vivian because my life doesn't revolve around my friends. I have other priorities and you're not on that list anymore."

Her brown eyes shift to me, her jaw tightening and loosening the more she focuses on me.

"He only wants you around because you're sober. Just like he only wanted me around because I know how to have a good time."

"Vanity, I'm sure he'd be willing to hang out with you if you weren't constantly on something." I politely interject. "I was the one that suggested he manage his time spent with his friends that were involved in the things he was trying to get clean from." I add. "And we've been together for six years. I don't think he wants me around just for my personal preference of sobriety."

Her and Nikki seem to be having an entire conversation with just their eyes before she's letting out one last breath.

"Fine. Just call me up when you're desperate for an escape, again." She tells him before turning on her heel, stomping out of the house.

"What the hell was that about?" I ask him and he just shakes his head.

"Don't worry about it, Viv. She's fucking crazy." He mumbles, giving the direction she walked out in, one last glance before going to rinse his hair out in the shower.

When he gets out, I've got big, velcro rollers in my hair and I'm putting on makeup.

"Where you going tonight?" He asks me and I finish my mascara before giving a small shrug.

"Duff and I are gonna go try to see about finding him another place to move. They're starting on the album and when he starts getting money from it, he wants to get a nicer place." I explain.

"That's what you said last night, Viv. And the two nights before that." He adds, fixing his towel around his waist.

"Feel free to come with us, Nikki, I'm sure he'd love the company of another guy." I offer, not even realizing what he's getting at.

"Well, maybe I was gonna take you out." He tells me and I look at him for a moment.

"Nikki leaving me in a club while you go shoot up in the bathroom isn't 'taking me out'. It's using me as a coverup." I sigh.

"I'm off smack, Viv." He states, finishing smearing shaving cream over his jaw, picking his razor up.

"Is that why you were hanging out with Robbin last night?"

The thud of his razor hitting the sink has me jumping slightly, and I glance at him from the corner of my eye to see him staring at me, obviously pissed.

"Nikki, don't look at me like that. I'm being honest."

"For once." He scoffs out and I stop what I'm doing and focus on him.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I ask.

"I've just heard stuff, Viv, that's all." He informs me and I raise a brow.

"Heard what from who?"

"Vanity said she's seen you out with Duff more times that you've failed to mention to me." He throws.

"Oh, Vanity. The same woman you discredit because she's 'fucking crazy'?"

"She's not lying about that, Vivian, because she has no reason to. It's all in the fucking papers, anyway."

"What are you talking about?" I snap and he raises his brows before stepping out of the bathroom, coming back with a stack of cheap news papers...I'm on the cover of every one, with Duff.

I'm wearing church dresses in a few of them.

Shit.

"I didn't wanna say anything because I get that you're your own person and can do whatever, but you can kinda see why I scratch my head when my wife tells me church service ran late and then shows up on a magazine with another guy.

"Nikki, there's nothing going on." I reassure him, finishing my makeup.

"Then why the fuck have you been lying about it?"

"To avoid this!" I motion between us before grabbing the papers from him and throwing them towards the garbage can in the bathroom.

"If I was spending every sunday afternoon on a fucking date with some chick and lying to you about it, it'd be the end of the fucking world, Vivian."

"Duff isn't just some random person, Nikki. You know him. You're friends with him. Why the hell would anything happen? Do you really think I would do that to you--that he would do that to you, knowing that all you'd have to do is call him out for it publicly, once, and ruin his shot at music?" I ask harshly and he licks his lips.

"Next time you two hangout without telling me about it, I'll do just that. Don't fucking try me, Sixx. You're lucky I'm not kicking you to the curb for this shit." He states, his voice graveling.

"It would make sense for you to do that to me, Nikki, it really would. I stay with you after you treat me like shit, shoot me, ignore me, laugh at my fear for your life and safety and the second you think I'm spending a little too much time with my best friend--completely your paranoid opinion, by the way--I'm an embarrassing whore and you're wanting to kick me out of the house. I swear to God, I have no idea how someone can go from thinking they're God, to being an insecure little bitch."

"I don't care if you hang out with him but fucking tell me the truth about it!"

"Like you tell me the truth about Vanity?! How much time is she really spending at our house, Nikki, because almost every fucking time I go out and come back home, I'm getting whiffs of her perfume and freebase. And I know you aren't just around her to talk. When she's around, so is the crack."

"I'm not listening to this shit." He gives one last swipe of his razor over his skin before he's finished, getting the left over shaving cream off before grabbing his hair dryer.

"Yeah, you love putting the things I do under a microscope but the second Nikki's in the hotseat, it's an invasion of his privacy, right?!" I call after him as he slams the bathroom door behind him when he leaves.

I knew he was bound to find out I was lying to him, but when he did, I expected him to be angrier or make more of a show patronizing me for it. I didn't realize he didn't give much of a fight because he already had the sick gears in his mind turning.

I pull my dress and heels on, stepping through the house to find Nikki.

He's in Karen's room, probably venting to her about me, when I walk in to see him pacing back and forth in front of her bed while she patiently listens.

"Can I talk to you?" I ask him and he just looks me up and down before rolling his eyes, trudging toward me, shutting Karen's door behind him. "You're not an insecure little bitch. You have a reason to be upset with me and I'm sorry I didn't tell you the truth about the Duff thing. But you overreact when it comes to me, Nikki, you really do. It's like you can have all the girls around you that you want, and I don't know who the hell they are, but the second a guy even glances at me, you're on the defense. Do you not trust me?"

"You lied to me about it, Vivian."

"To try to protect you."

"From what? There's nothing wrong with you and him hanging out!" He tells me, losing patience. "...Is there?"

"No, there's not, Nikki."

"Okay, then. I don't care. Apology accepted. Go have fun." He carelessly waves his hand to the door, but I know he does care, he doesn't accept my apology, and "go have fun" means "just fuck off and leave me alone."

So I do.

"Alright, bye."

"Bye."

He shuts himself back into Karen's room and I head to my car.

"You're All I Need" was written that night while I was out with Duff and once it was written, Nikki found trouble.

I unlock my car as Duff and I finish leaving the Franklin Plaza after just looking at one of the suites.

"I'm sold." He tells me.

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not." He shrugs and I chuckle.

"Okay, so now what?"

"We wait for a check, and then pack my shit--which consists of three t-shirts and two pairs of pants--and then move in." He says.

"Sounds good." I agree.

"Now, to celebrate..." He starts, thinking for a second. "...food, and then find the guys on the strip."

"Deal." I reply, heading to Denny's.

Once we're done eating, we decide to just walk down the strip in search of at least one of the other four members of Guns N' Roses.

Seeing Duff's car, that Steven borrowed, parked on the side of the street, we find a place to park.

"Rebel Yell" blares through the speakers of the Cathouse once we get inside, and we automatically look in the direction of the bar.

Like we expected, we see Slash, Steven and Izzy, all down drinks.

I pluck Izzy's hat off his head and turn it backwards before tugging at the end of Stevie's hair.

They snap around, and Izzy's lightly hitting my arm in retaliation while Steven's pulling me to him.

"The hell have you been?" He asks me over the music and I brush some of his blonde bangs from his eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing." I tell him, poking at the end of his nose and he kisses my cheek, squeezing me to him for a second.

"I've missed you." He states as Duff and Slash have a brief side conversation.

"Izzy." I acknowledge him and he nods a single time.

"Viv." He replies, taking a sip of his drink.

"Where's Axl?" I ask Stevie, glancing around.

"He's meditating in the bathroom." Steven in forms me and I furrow my brows.

"He's what?"

The blonde looks at me, takes his arm from around me, holds his hands out and touches the tip of his pointer finger to his thumb, closing his eyes for a second, imitating meditation.

"He's meditating." He repeats, obviously finding humor, chuckling when Izzy holds back a smile and knocks him in the arm.

"Better than doing smack in the bathroom I guess." I shrug.

"Oh, speaking of which." Izzy blows smoke past his lips, looking at me. "Nikki and a friend of his is in V.I.P. he came by and said, 'hey' to us and invited us over." He states.

"Why'd you say 'friend' like that?"

"'Cause she was hot." Steven states. "That Vanity chick." He adds.

"Are they still here?" I ask them and Izzy shrugs.

"Hell if I know. She's fucking coo-coo for cocoa puffs, though." Izzy says. "And she's touchy-feely. A little too much."

Izzy didn't like Vanity because he could tell from first glance Nikki and her were fucking around.

The reason he didn't join Nikki in V.I.P that night was because he told Nikki I was more of a man than he ever would be with the shit he was pulling with Vanity.

That pissed Nikki off.

"I'll be right back." I say to them, heading to V.I.P.

I get in, seeing Vanity giving a near strip tease, completely absent from her mind while Nikki completely disregards her, staring off, looking like he just had a hit of junk.

I feel like I'm spying on him, being nosy, and turn to go back to the guys to avoid pissing Nikki off.

"You find him?" Steven asks me and I nod.

"Yeah."

"You find her?" Izzy asks next.

"Yeah. She's really not that bad, Iz."

His eyes nearly bug out of his head as he snaps his attention to me, scoffing out: "what?" in disbelief.

It occurs to him that I'm friends with her and his expression shifts to a sort of sadness before he's finishing his drink and quickly brushing off his demeanor.

He started to slowly distance himself from Nikki after that...that was a low even he wouldn't try to swing to.

Izzy never told me about Nikki and Vanity, not to protect Nikki, but to protect me.

I couldn't be angry at him when I found out he had known, because I knew without a doubt he would have told me had he thought I would have been able to handle it.

The rest of the night ends with me trying to keep a drunk Steven, Slash and Duff out of trouble with Izzy and Axl encouraging their foolery.

When it gets time for them to start going home or either finding chicks to go home with, all seem to disappear...except for Duff.

I'm walking him back up to their apartment, laughing as he almost face plants, stumbling over himself, giving out a sound that sounds almost like Goofy's laugh from Mickey Mouse, only making me laugh harder.

"Sorry." He tells me, grasping at my hand to steady himself so he can get the key for the apartment out of his jacket pocket.

"It's fine." I say when I calm down.

I watch him struggle to get the key into the doorknob.

"That's weird, I usually always can get it in the hole." He says as a joke, and my face turns red as he laughs at himself. "That was a pretty good one."

"Yeah, it was."

"Here, you do it." He hands me the key after struggling some more and I easily unlock the door, causing him to stare at me.

I just smile a little and make my way into the apartment.

"You need help with anything else or you got it?" I ask him as he steps in behind me, taking his jacket off and leaving it in the floor, going to the kitchen.

I pick his jacket up and place it on the couch, going to the kitchen to see him pull a bottle of vodka out.

"No, no." I calmly stop him, gently plucking the bottle from his hands. "You've had plenty for tonight. You're gonna be sick tomorrow." I explain.

"Oh, yeah." He doesn't argue and I put it back where he got it as he leans against the counter.

"Get some sleep. I'll see you later." I order after a second of him just looking me up and down.

"Wait, wait." He stops me, his hand enveloping mine.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"Can we talk about something?"

I feel a lump form in my throat and I blink at him.

"It's really important."

"O-Okay." I nod.

"Viv, I love you." He says. Relief fills me, not even giving a thought to him meaning it differently, and I grin up at him.

"I love you, too, Duff." I say and he scrunches his face up in frustration.

"No, I, like, love you." He repeats, and I raise my brows.

"I-I love you, too."

"That's not what I'm trying to say." He argues, rubbing his face.

"Well, what are you trying to say?" I ask and he groans.

"I love you."

"Duff, I know you do. I said--"

"--That's not what I'm trying to say, Vivian." He starts getting flustered.

"Well, what are you trying to say, Du--" I'm cut off with his lips on mine, despite his sudden move, it's a sweet kiss that doesn't last but a few seconds, not even giving me time to react, once he pulls away.

"I love you." He repeats and it clicks in my mind what he means.

I just slowly blink up at him, the breath taken out of my body as my mind races.

"Duff," I say, catching my breath. "I love Nikki that way."

"I know. And you don't have to feel that way for me, I just needed to tell you, Viv." He says.

"Thank you, but you can't do that again." I tell him. "I'm married. To Nikki. Your friend."

"I only hangout with him because he's married to you."

"Duff."

"I'm just saying. He's a fucking asshole. He doesn't deserve you."

I don't take what he's saying seriously, he's drunk and tired.

My hands hold at his face, making him look me in the eyes.

"Get some sleep. I love you. Goodnight."

I played it off but I was terrified. I drove home that night a sobbing mess. Not because I was confused and didn't know whether to choose Duff or Nikki, I knew not having Nikki wasn't ever an option for me. I didn't want anyone else. But I was upset because I wished Nikki would have been more like Duff.

Once our affair ended, I realized Nikki was like my heroin.

And Duff was my krokodil, which is what some addicts, that are desperate enough, resort to shooting if heroin is unavailable.

It gives the body a bigger high, but does so much more damage than heroin...even if it doesn't feel like it.

[creacherkeeper]

I've loved both of your spop fics so much holy shit. That's the good character angst. For a potential prompt: I'd like to see how Catra might feel about Scorpia now having the power of the black garnet. I just always think that red lightning looks awfully familiar...

absolutely god tier prompt, anon. legit screamed when i read it :* 

(she ra s5 spoilers) 

read on ao3

-

Catra kept her claws out and dug into her palms the whole time she crept through the wreckage of the Fright Zone with Scorpia at her side. She didn’t know why Adora and Perfuma had insisted the two of them teamed up to dredge the old base for—what, exactly? Tech, supplies—stars forbid, people? Catra thought it was better to raze the place to the ground and let Scorpia start her kingdom on fresh soil.

But she also thought that wasn’t the real reason they were here. Adora needed closure. Scorpia needed closure. And, according to Perfuma, she and Scorpia really needed to talk some things out.

That was true. They needed to. Did she want to? Absolutely not. Was she going to? Maybe. Eventually. Not here, now. She wasn’t … (ready? stable? brave?)

She’d apologized, briefly, in the warm glow of the aftermath. She knew, despite the forgiveness, that it wasn’t enough. There was so much left between them. Catra knew those words weren’t enough to make up for all she’d done.

“Well, gosh,” Scorpia was saying. Catra’s ears swiveled as she forced herself out of her own thoughts. “I don’t really remember what my kingdom was like before the Horde came in. I was raised in the Horde, you know? I don’t know how to rule a kingdom, much less build one from scratch.”

Catra hummed.

They continued to wander, absently picking through the rubble.

“All the other princesses have, like, their own thing, you know? I’m not really sure what my thing is.”

“An annoying overabundance of sincerity,” Catra grumbled.

Oh. That was mean, right? She was trying to do better, but being on this ‘mission’ with the other woman had a ball of anxiety humming sharply in her chest, desperate to crawl out as scathing remarks and sarcasm.

Yeah. That was mean. She needed to do better, at least for Scorpia’s sake.

She opened her mouth to apologize, but Scorpia cut her off.

“Hmm. I think that’s more Perfuma’s thing.” She blushed at the mention of the flower princess, seemingly no hard feelings about Catra’s comment. “Not that I find it annoying.”

The blush did something weird to Catra’s stomach. Which was—like, bad, right? It wasn’t- Okay she- She was maybe a little jealous. Which was totally bad and stupid. She’d had her chance with Scorpia, and she’d made a royal mess of that. It wasn’t fair at all that Scorpia being happy with someone else would make her feel like this. Plus, she was happy with Adora. Happier than she’d ever been. Adora was her soulmate, if such a thing existed.

Still.

The horrible, selfish little creature inside her was chanting mine mine mine mine and she didn’t know how to make it stop.

She looked away, ears twisting.

Scorpia’s boots clunked on the floor as they walked. Catra thought she should probably say something affirming about, she didn’t know, Scorpia or the future of her kingdom or her relationship with Perfuma. But her throat was tight with shame. There was so much she should say. She didn’t know where to start.

Were they still friends?

Catra didn’t know if they were even still friends.

(she wanted them to be. desperately, she did)

“Scorpia—”

The other woman looked at her, expectant.

Her claws dug in.

Her eyes dropped.

“Maybe we should head back.”

(she was such a fucking coward)

“Yeah,” Scorpia said, obvious disappointment tinting her voice. “Yeah, I don’t think there’s much left here.”

Catra sighed as they turned to walk back towards the entrance, where they said they’d meet back after their missions were done. The metallic, somewhat rotten smell of the Fright Zone was getting to her. She’d gotten used to the clean and perfumey smell of Bright Moon. The stale smell of their ship. The Fright Zone’s stench was just bringing up memories.

So focused on walking through the rubble, lost in her thoughts, she didn’t register the creak and the crack until it was too late.

“Watch out!”

Her tail puffed as she startled, only just taking in the piece of ceiling that had started to fall towards her as Scorpia’s shout reached her ears.

And then the flash. Red, scattered, jumping lightning. The sound of the electricity crackling through the air.

Her wide eyes froze on the red electric as it connected with the rubble and exploded it into dust. She covered her head as it rained down on her hair and shoulders.

Her body shook. Her heart pounded, loud and terrified, behind her ribs.

Her face was shocked still into a wide, wet-eyed stare.

Her legs trembled. She couldn’t breathe.

“Whoa, that was a close one! You okay?”

Hot, molten anger flooded her. She didn’t mean for it to. She didn’t want it. But it stopped the tears from flooding her eyes and let her breathe again.

“Watch where you’re aiming! You almost hit me!”

(she almost hit me she almost hit me again she almost shocked me she)

“Sorry!” Scorpia yelped. “It just- It was going to fall on you, and—”

“I could’ve dodged it! You didn’t have to shoot lightning at me!”

Scorpia stared at her as Catra’s form trembled, hands curled to fists and teeth bared in a snarl.

“I’m sorry,” Scorpia said, quiet.

Catra knew she was being ridiculous. But the part of her that wanted to calm down, that wanted to apologize for her outburst and explain herself, was being smothered under the waves of panicked fear that kept her anger flowing.

She hated that she kept talking. She hated it, truly.

“I bet you want to hit me, don’t you? You got a taste for it when you were under his influence—oh, yeah, if you don’t remember, you zapped me real good then, sent me flying about a thousand yards—and you’re still angry at me for everything. You’re still angry and you want to hit me. You missed the others, but you shocked me. Well? Say it!”

She was expecting Scorpia to be hurt, which is what the twisted little anger monster in her chest wanted. If Scorpia was hurt, then Catra wasn’t; she had the upper hand. It was all very logical and rational, you see, not fueled at all by the terrified child inside her. The terrified little child who’d never gotten to yell at Shadow Weaver and all that the Black Garnet’s power had done to her then.

But Scorpia didn’t look hurt. She looked … well, sad, a little. But more than that—calculating. Like she was trying to figure something out.

Her expression smoothed.

Slowly, she sat on the dusty metal floor, pincers raised by her head.

“What are you doing?” Catra asked, chest heaving. Her eyes darted between the raised pincers. “Y-Yell at me, fight back, do something!”

Scorpia was silent.

And in the silence, in the face of the calm, Catra unraveled.

“Stop,” she croaked, her anger snuffing and tears finally leaking from her eyes. Her ears flattened against her head. She sunk to the floor. “You’re not supposed to … You’re not supposed to do that.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Scorpia asked, quiet.

“I don’t know.” She pulled her knees to her chest, tail curling around herself. “Be mad at me.”

“Shock you?”

Catra’s shoulders trembled.

“I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t mean to remind you of—”

Catra’s face disappeared behind her knees.

She could hear Scorpia’s even, measured breaths.

“I wouldn’t do that to someone I care about. And I’m sorry it happened when I wasn’t in control.”

“Don’t say that.”

“What?”

“That you care about me.”

There was a pause.

“It’s true, though.”

Catra wheezed a hiss, digging her claws into her legs. “It shouldn’t be. Not after … Not after everything I did to you.”

“… Maybe,” Scorpia said after a moment. “You did some pretty bad shit.”

A self-deprecating laugh squeezed from her chest.

“But I don’t think I’m ever going to stop caring about you, wildcat.”

The laugh turned a little more desperate, something like a sob. It took a minute for the fight to leave her chest, for her to curl fully onto her knees and, for a moment, sit in the shame. She finally raised her head, wiping tears off her cheeks as she attempted to plaster some sort of smile on her face.

“I’m glad you have Perfuma now,” she said, genuine despite her racing heart and tear-clogged throat. “I was never good enough for you.”

A twitch of a smile pulled at Scorpia’s lips, but even that looked sad. “You never gave yourself the chance to be.”

They stared at each other for a moment, tears streaming down Catra’s face. Slowly, Scorpia’s pincers fell to resettle in her lap.

Catra looked down.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. That was … That was really shitty. I just wasn’t expecting it, and I got scared.”

“Thank you,” Scorpia said. “For my part, I didn’t think how that would look to you.”

Catra wiped at her cheek with the heel of her hand.

“How do you … do that?”

Scorpia’s brows drew as Catra glanced back up at her. “Do what?”

“Just be … I don’t know. So good about stuff. So nice. It’s so hard for me.”

“Practice, mostly.”

Now Catra’s eyebrows were drawing. “What do you mean?”

Scorpia shrugged, turning her gaze to look around the crumpling hallway. “I grew up in the Horde, too. Do you think it came easy to me? You think I got nice by accident?”

“I don’t know.” Catra unfurled a little, resting her chin on her knee. “I kind of assumed you’ve always been like this.”

Scorpia snorted, and Catra was surprised by the noise.

“Nah. Frankly, I used to be a bit of a dick.”

“That … really surprises me.”

“It surprises most people, for some reason.” She looked down to her lap, gently pinching the fabric of her pants. “A lot of people seem to mistake kindness for innocence, naivety. Being kind takes work, you know. It’s a skill, like anything else. You have to practice. You’ll get there in time, wildcat.”

Catra’s ears flicked and flattened.

“I’m not sure I will,” she muttered, glancing away. “Not like you. What, uh … What made you change?”

She sighed, shrugging a little. “I didn’t consider leaving the Horde for a long time. Not until …”

Not until me, Catra thought.

“But at some point I realized that, well … the Horde kind of sucked. But it was my home. My family. My—unfortunate—heritage. I’m loyal; it can be a character flaw. I didn’t want to leave. But I realized that while the Horde sucked, I didn’t have to. When I’d get all … snippy, if you’ll pardon it … it, well, hurt people. My pain was feeding into this whole system, this loop of unhappy people, who were hurt and upset, and just took it out on each other, passed it to the next person. It’s a circle. Self-fulfilling something or other.”

She paused, waiting until Catra caught her eye.

“At some point,” she said, “you have to be strong enough to stop it.”

Catra shrunk, looking away. “I’m trying.”

“I know you are, wildcat. I know you are.” She paused. Nerves skittered across Catra’s chest. “But you have a lot to learn. It’s hard to come to grips with, but kindness is hard. It takes strength and discipline. It takes vulnerability, which is scary. But choosing to be kind is one of the bravest things you can do. The day I chose to be different changed my life. And there’s been a lot of rocky moments, but I’m better for it, and I’m never looking back.���

“Scorpia …” Catra gripped her knees, taking a breath before she looked up at her. Scorpia looked back, patient. Catra swallowed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the person you needed me to be. I’m sorry I … that I was a part of the loop.”

Scorpia’s expression softened. “I appreciate that, wildcat.”

“I want to change,” she told her. “Both for the people around me, so I’m- so I’m not just a part of the circle, but also …” She sighed. “I can’t keep doing this. Living like this is going to kill me.”

“I think it’s been killing you for a while.” Catra’s eyes darted up, and Scorpia smiled at her, soft. “But it’s really brave of you to admit that.”

Catra felt her face flush. “Scorpia, I—” Her grip tightened. “I love you. And- And I’m sorry it wasn’t in the way you wanted, but- but I do, and I just had to say it. So. There.”

Scorpia’s smile went a little dopey, warm and pleased. “You too,” she said. “And it’s okay.”

Catra nodded quickly, looking away. Her face was still flushed; she was sure she was beet red. But her tail was curling and flicking slowly, unable to contain the pleased motion.

“I have a lot to make up for,” she mumbled. “Thanks for being patient with me.”

“We’ve got all the time in the world, wildcat. I’ll be here.”

She nodded again. “Should we- The others are probably meeting back up now.”

They rose, and as they walked, Scorpia let her arm rest over Catra’s shoulders. Against the larger woman, Catra felt warm and safe.

That little, possessive part of her told her to rub against the larger woman’s chest, to mark herself all over and say mine mine mine mine … But that wasn’t true. Scorpia wasn’t hers, and that was okay. She wasn’t Perfuma’s, either. Scorpia only belonged to herself, and that was part of what Catra admired so dearly.

She stamped down the urge and merely walked, her own arm around Scorpia’s waist. Her tail flicked behind them.

Scorpia wasn’t stupid. She wasn’t weak or naive. Her kindness was her strength, and the fact that she shared some of that with Catra, that she loved her, despite everything …

Barely audible, the rumble of her purr.

She squeezed closer.

[jacksmusesdrv3]

Hey, so I've been wondering this for a while. Are there any other theories that you're fond of that aren't your own? Even if you don't agree with them?

Sorry anonie- I sat on this for an absolute ice-age and got stuck for how to answer... Lemme see if I can get this straight!

Short answer: more than before, still with some difficulty. AU preferred

Longer answer: I do have a kind of utilitarian (if that’s the right word) interest in theories I don’t agree with but it’s still hard to really ‘gel with them’ entirely. What I do like about them, mainly extends to alternate universes where those takes are moulded into their own thing, or an analysis of putting the theories side by side and categorise their bits n pieces (hell, that was one thing I started a spreadsheet for and... dropped, which makes me sad now). 

When it comes to ‘analysing them as part of the canon’ though, I’m just like side-stepping my own perspective just to accommodate the difference and it can get a bit exhausting. I recall late 2019 when reading a CH5 based fic of Kaito and Ouma and it felt so... jarring, even painful (as there was so much cognitive dissonance with the characterisation and events it kind of messed with my head), but when I read an AU drabble from the same author I enjoyed it just fine. So it really does depend- I can even like Shuichi-focused stuff if it’s alternate universe because I know this isn’t the ‘Shuichi I know’, if that makes sense.

All that said, I’ve softened on a theory of Ouma having a ‘compulsive and grandiose-lying shtick’, even if that took some time. A reason being, I can respect that it pays mind to Ouma’s psychology in a trauma-survivor sense as well as his values under the skin (when extending to things like lying for kindness and the protection of others, like DICE’s legacy, good shit). So it no longer feels ‘dismissive to him’ the way I once thought- in fact that particular one is one of the only theories I’ve seen that notes Ouma’s been through some shit (rather baffling, for a character most everyone accepts as a pathological liar?).

That doesn’t mean I personally find it suitable for Ouma in the extent of the canon, but I figured I don’t have to to respect it and get some fun out of it, which is kind of a relief. Since the worldbuild of V3 is kind of broken (cue a big Break! text and the rest of us running around to pick up the pieces), Ouma himself is pretty pliable since his background is like that too. This also applies to other characters to degrees, but there are still times where I find myself feeling like:

...with most theories, which is difficult to fully shift, but lawd help me I’m trying. It’s just difficult to know what to do when the characters can change so much fundamentally- not something you usually expect from a work of fiction.

tl;dr: Yes, but in honesty, this can still be really hard to talk about- hell, it’s hard enough exploring my own theory in the first place, but for different reasons. I get more out of seeking overlaps and parallels, as well as ‘how did this perception come about’ kind of thing. I think that is where I’m more comfortable, especially where Ouma and Saihara are concerned. But I think it’s when, if a theory comes somewhat close, and is outside of the box I might be interested?

I still tend to overthink these things too much for it to be much fun, even though I’m trying to be more open and my ‘dealbreakers’ have changed a bit, aha

[jzixuans]

Hey, I've been feeling down recently and was wondering if you had any Logince headcannons. Platonic or romantic work, whichever you feel more comfortable with. Sorry if I'm bothering you.

aw lad don’t worry about bothering me i’m glad to share some headcanons ! i hope you feel better soon!

now, might i interest you in some childhood friends-to-enemies-to-friends-to-lovers logince? [PREPARE FOR A LONG ASS BULLET FIC I’M SO SORRY (google docs says it’s 4.2k words oh my god)]

they’ve known each other since the first grade because oh my god they were neighbours

they were the kind of childhood friends that were aware of each other’s presence and they hung out a little on the playground and worked on group projects but they didn’t really click

there WERE occasions tho where their parents would sit them down together for play dates bc one or more of said parents were Occupied with Important Adult Stuff

and since this was way back when they were wee lil smols, they were hyperactive lil children

so they played lots of adventure games, lots of role-playing, play fighting, that kind of stuff (twas often the dashing daring prince accompanied by his wise magickal advisor)

okay, so maybe they did click, but only a little (so they say)

they liked most of the same stuff, reading, learning, doing stuff with all that knowledge in those big brains of theirs, and that was pretty much the base of their close-but-not-that-close-friendship

and then they got older, and as all kids do, they started prioritizing different things

logan still loved learning and applying that knowledge, but it was more of a ‘learn and apply what knowledge can make you really successful’ and that was how he found his love of science

for roman, it was more of a ‘take what you’ve learned and use it to create your own path to success’ because he planned to go into music and theatre

as a result of this, both boys were exceptional students, except logan cared maybe a little too much about the academics and roman not enough

as the years went by, logan threw himself into studying, making schedules and routines so that he could make sure he knows what he needs to know and maybe a little bit more on the side, who cares if he lost an hour of two of sleep?

roman just learned to go with the flow, so he took everything in stride, took in what he needed, left the rest, and focused on his art instead, even if he’s started to grow an unhealthy apathy to school

and maybe logan falls just short of perfect on his tests, and he looks over and roman has glowing one hundreds in red ink on his

logan looks back down at his and the teacher has written ‘Think outside the box!’

meanwhile logan answers every question in class with scary accuracy, beaming with pride whenever the teacher praises him, and after school that same day roman gets pulled aside with an ‘I know you’re smart, so why don’t you want to put in the work?’

of course logan’s parents wonder why his grades don’t match his progress work, and roman’s parents wonder how he can spend all his time singing and dancing and still come out with high nineties (“is he cheating?”)

and the two have been drifting apart enough as it was, but now they kind of hate each other because ‘why can’t i just be more like him?’

logan starts hating roman because ‘he doesn’t even CARE, how is he doing better than me?’ (part of him misses the days when roman cared so much about anything and everything)

roman starts hating logan because ‘he’s so stiff and condescending, why can’t he just be happy for me?’ (and part of him misses when logan would so willingly stand by his side as his faithful warlock advisor)

so naturally, competition just kind of,,,, grows between them, until they’re constantly at each other’s throats and everyone else watching the shitshow go down has absolutely no idea where the hell all this animosity came from

at this point logan has a new friend in virgil fray and roman has befriended patton hart (virgil and patton know not to bring up the boys’ ‘rivalry’)

of course, being neighbours, they can’t exactly escape each other, and their rooms are adjacent to each other’s (they used to just lean out their windows and talk side by side, but they haven’t in yEARS)

so it’s nearing summer, and it’s hot out so roman’s working on his homework with the window open when he hears this cry of frustration, the angry pushing back of a chair, and the throwing open of the door

his first thought is one of smug satisfaction knowing that logan is dealing with school worse than he is, but then a flash of black catches his eye underneath his window

he makes it to the window just in time to see logan hop the fence in his backyard, and that only means one thing: he’s going to the old park behind their houses

neither of them have touched that park in ages

roman is Intrigued™, so he caps his pen, turns off his lamp and tells his parents he’s going for a walk before dashing out the back door

when he gets to the park, logan’s somehow managed to climb on top of the roof of the play structure

and roman ain’t slick so he just stands at the bottom and yells up to him

and logan is Lost In Thought so he nearly falls off (lbr roman thought it was funny)

“what are you doing here?”

“well excuse me, suck-rates, i happened to notice that you weren’t doing too hot and wanted to see if you were okay.”

“like you’ve ever cared.”

“woah there, is blink 180-ew rubbing off on you?” 

“lay off of him.”

“alright, alright, fine. forgive me for checking in on you.”

“you have a horrible way of showing people that you care, then.”

“well you have a horrible way of being a good friend.”

it just kind of,,,, slipped out, and now both boys are Oh Shit

but both boys are also not the type to back down from their feelings so they kind of have the Silent Stare-Off of Stubborness

roman decides to be the bigger person (bc any chance to one-up logan) and cave first 

“so uh, what’s been bothering you?” (psh you thought he was gonna apologize first? not yet fam)

logan rolls his eyes bc this asshole amirite, but he wants to vent and this is probably his best opportunity to tell roman what’s really been bugging him

“i don’t know how you manage to do it.” 

“do what?”

“do so well in school! you don’t even try!” and damn dude that one stings because he sounds exactly like his parents and every other teacher

“so you’re angry because you’re jealous that i’m better than you at everything.”

“that’s not what i meant and you know it.”

“i’ll have you know that i do try.”

“but you don’t care.”

“about school.”

“what?”

“i mean yeah, sure, i don’t care about school that much because i don’t really need it to go into music or theatre, but i still do my work.”

“but―”

“don’t you dare say anything about my grades because you know damn well that you’re smarter than me.”

“am not―”

“besides, weren’t you the one that told me in the fifth grade that ‘grades don’t mean shit’? my my, what a foul mouth for ten-year-old logan crane.”

“shut up.”

“nah.”

and by now logan’s decided that roman’s probably not going to rip his head off so he climbs down to stand beside him

and maybe the sun is setting bc i’m a classy romantic

and they’re having a Soft Quiet Moment

“…please don’t tell me that school was the only reason why u hated me.”

“… why did you hate me?” smh lo you’ve got to stop deflecting

“…”

“are you kidding me.”

“YOU STARTED IT”

“what no you did shut up”

and wOw now it’s awkward so 

“oh would you look at that, it’s getting late, my parents are gonna think that i’m slacking again, better go. good talk let’s do this again sometime okay byee” and whoop roman just zooms off

and logan realizes that maybe roman’s life isn’t as perfect as he makes it out to be

but too late roman’s gone and he doesn’t want to look like he’s following him so he waits a good half hour before trekking back home

logan doesn’t finish his homework that night because he’s too busy rethinking the past many many years

the next day, he’s frantically trying to cram his work in during his lunch period

virgil takes one look at him and he says “dude, are you okay?”

“no”

“cool, let me know if i can do anything to help.” and maybe it’s a cold answer but logan and virgil are cold edgy people so that’s just how they do

after like twenty minutes virgil takes out his earbuds like “you haven’t complained or sent one angry glare in roman’s direction what the fuck is up kyle”

“i’m just…. stressed.”

virgil, externally: “yeah of course i feel u dude.”

virgil, internally: “i’ve seen you start a project at 3am the morning it was due without breaking a sweat but go off i guess.”

skip to later that night, logan finished his shit (he needed a distraction from the Roman Crisis) so he leans out his window for some Fresh Summer Night Air

and oho would you look at that roman had that sa m e  i d ea

but it’s one of those clear nights where you can actually see the stars and logan just got roman off his mind so he’s a lil distracted

but of course roman notices and now that they’ve gotten some of their ‘rivalry’ out of the way, he remembers how much logan loved to drag him out to the park as late as they were allowed to stay up to watch the stars, and logan looks so at peace here (he’s only really seen logan’s angry face recently)

roman wants to say something, because part of him really wants to make up with logan

but before he can work up the courage he’s interrupted by his mom calling him

“roman! are you done all your work?”

“yeah, mom! almost!”

“you better be going to sleep early tonight!”

and roman is about to duck back inside before he gets yelled at even more but oh no too late logan’s already noticed and now he’s staring at him

“uh, hey.”

“hi.”

“are you, uh, are you feeling better?”

“for the most part, yes.”

“that’s good. look, uh, i gotta go, but i’ll see you at school?”

“oh, right, yes. good night, roman.”

“night, lo.”

roman falls back into his room with a crash because ‘oh my god why was that more nerve-wracking than any performance i’ve ever done?”

logan sinks back against his wall with a sigh because ‘is roman avoiding me now?’

the next day at school the two actually say hi to each other in the hallway and it’s like the entire world stops moving. students are staring and whispering, virgil and patton exchange looks, and logan and roman only just now realize how big their rivalry had gotten

the two lock eyes and burst into laughter because something as simple as a passing greeting in the hallway has turned the school on its head

and the rest of the school has absolutely no idea what just happened when the two part ways, virgil and patton trailing behind them, dumbfounded

they catch each other on the way home, though they walk in silence

that night, they’re back at their windows, side by side once more, and they exchange small talk

a couple weeks later, exams are coming up around the corner and both boys are stressed out of their minds

logan’s still working well past midnight when he hears the old creak of roman’s window opening

“i see your lamp. are you still up?” he hears roman whisper, and maybe it’s the late hour, but his voice is hoarse and wobbly, and logan is most certainly not used to hearing that

“that’s a ridiculous question, of course i’m still up,” logan replies, still not looking up from his computer because his history final project is due in two days

except roman doesn’t reply, and all he can hear from his direction is shaky laughter, and then a wet sniff

“of course i’m ridiculous. it’s not like i’m smart or anything.”

“what?”

“if i were smart i wouldn’t’ve procrastinated this english paper and i could probably be getting some sleep right now,” roman continues like he forgot that logan was there

“roman―“

“and sure, i can do other stuff, but it’s not like it matters or anything, not to my mom, or mr. schmitt, or you―”

“roman!”

roman’s babbling stops and logan worries that he’s scared him off until he looks up and sees roman leaning halfway out his window and now logan’s worried that roman’s going to fall out and break his neck on his patio

roman’s eyes are red and his nose is rubbed raw from crying. his usually-perfectly-coiffed hair is messy and greasy from running his hands through it, his clothes are rumpled, and his grip on the windowsill is trembling

yet he’s still half out the window, eyes comically wide, and logan can’t help but shake his head at how big a dork he is

“i’m sorry.”

roman’s so startled that his elbows buckle and he barely manages to land back in his room so he doesn’t fall (didn’t expect logan to apologize first, didya?)

he’s barely back out the window when logan starts talking again

“i shouldn’t have dismissed you so quickly. you are intelligent and you are capable and you absolutely didn’t deserve any of my anger or bitterness or hatred. for that, i’m sorry.”

roman is, SHOCKED, to say the least. when they were kids, usually it was roman who apologized first, if at all, logan only after being prompted to by parents or teachers (which might’ve contributed to their drifting apart)

“i’m― thank you.” 

there’s a pause because it’s late and logan is really really bad at this

“i’m sorry, too. i only really hated you because everyone kept comparing us. that wasn’t really fair of me.”

“i guess not.”

“so i guess we both agree that we’re both assholes.”

“essentially.”

“cool.”

“what were you going to talk to me about?” and roman has an ‘oh yeah’ because he completely forgot what he came out here for

“i guess i just missed doing this.”

“i did too.”

and they’re not completely in the clear, because they have years of hurt to clean up, but in that moment, they just sit and talk, and maybe missing one assignment amongst a whole year of perfect grades won’t hurt

they’re butts tired in the morning but neither of them regret it, regardless of virgil and patton’s comments of ‘how much sleep did you get last night? you look like you’re about to pass out.’

that weekend, their finals are all handed in, exams don’t start until the next week, and they’re both sick and tired of studying so logan invites roman over and they lounge in his star-speckled room, talking about everything and nothing

roman’s busy going through logan’s stuff (“what? i haven’t been in here since the summer before the seventh grade”) so logan has a free minute to just,, watch him, and he just now realizes how much he missed having this ball of energy in his life (in a positive way)

after that day, the tension between them is almost gone and conversations are so much easier (virgil and patton get to sigh in relief because ‘thank god, i love them, but they needed to get their shit together’)

but alas, exams approach and roman calls logan late one night, in tears and stressed beyond relief, begging him to meet him at the park (he would’ve called patton, but patton’s never really been under forced academic pressure, and logan’s just a smidge more familiar for him)

logan’s out of the house without another thought, and he sees roman sitting up on the monkey bars with his knees tucked up to his chest (‘oh my god roman don’t you dare fucking fall’)

“i’m sorry, you were probably sleeping, but i just needed to get out of the house and―”

“please don’t apologize for reaching out. what― what’s wrong?”

“i just can’t! my mom’s been threatening to pull me out of music if i don’t do well on this exam because ‘math is more important than music’ but i don’t know anything! i’ve been scraping by pretty well on tests but i can’t fucking study and none of the information is sticking and―”

“roman, you’re hyperventilating. you need to breathe―”

“don’t tell me what to do!” roman regrets this Immediately because logan recoils his hand like he’s been burned. great, just another thing to feel Bad about. “i-i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

if this was a month or two ago, logan would’ve had a scathing remark about roman’s inability to control himself but now he just places his hand back on roman’s shoulder and taps gently with his finger

“you remember that school assembly from grade nine? the one about mental health?”

“yeah?”

“can you do that breathing exercise?”

“probably”

ten minutes later, roman’s cried himself out and he’s stopped hyperventilating but he can’t seem to stop his hands from shaking

logan has absolutely no idea what to do but he’s seen patton do it before with some of the younger kids so he holds his arms out (v awkwardly) and goes, “would you― would it be― would a hug help?”

this gets a lil laugh out of roman because he’s trying and that’s adorable so now he’s cry-laughing into logan’s shoulder

“your mother sounds an awful lot like your horrendous dragon witch. i suppose we must simply team up to defeat her.”

roman draws away so fast he bumps into logan’s chin

“OH MY GOD YOU REMEMBER THAT”

“like i could forget it”

“oh my god”

“i mean, i wanted to, but those were… fun times.”

“hell yeah they were.”

“when’s your exam? i can help you study, if you want.”

“in about seven hours.”

“…change of plans, you’re coming back with me, you’re going to sleep for six, wake up, get a cup of tea, and we’re going to do a brief review before school.”

“…okay.”

so they walk back to logan’s house (roman makes sure to tack a note to his bedroom door for his parents, he’ll face the consequences later), and they just, collapse into a pile of leggy boi on logan’s bed (they were too tired to argue about formalities)

logan wakes up with roman clinging to his chest and he very sorely misses that warm cuddly heat but Nope he is Determined™ to help roman get that bread

so he wakes roman up, plops his notes down in front of him and tells him to flip through it while he goes to make breakfast

roman is a jittery Mess all the way up to the exam, but logan promises that he’d be waiting in the cafeteria for him (it was his lunch period’s exam day so he a Free Boi) and he leaves roman with a “you are more capable than you know. you already have everything you need to succeed. and no matter what, you are valid.”

two hours later, roman comes out and he has Zero Confidence in his results, but logan greets him with a clap on the shoulder and the reassurance that “at least you’re done with this.”

they meet up with virgil and patton and go for lunch, and oho, perhaps this is the beginning of a New Squad

at the end of the week, on exam review day logan’s waiting out in the hallway to go to his next class to see his results when he sees roman sprinting down the hall with the biggest grin on his face

“i got an 84!!! thank you, you beautiful blessed nerd!!” because honestly? roman expected nothing more than a 52 so this was a very pleasant surprise, and now roman’s hugging logan so tight that logan swears he heard his elbow pop

the other students of the school are still processing because it was literally only been a little over a month since they started talking to each other again, and anyone out of the loop just got hella whiplash

(and if this burst of happiness and gratitude left a weird, bubbly feeling in logan’s stomach, well, he’ll just keep that to himself)

the next few summer days are spent hanging out, in their rooms, at their windows, at the park, and sometimes, virgil and patton join them

sometimes they’re in roman’s room, roman typing away on his computer with a dozen open notebooks scattered around him while logan lays on his bed, and the two bounce ideas back and forth for the next adventures of the daring prince c and his faithful advisor logos

and then they’re two weeks into the summer break, virgil’s off visiting family in china for the next few weeks and patton’s in the caribbean, so they’re just aimlessly tossing a ball back and forth in roman’s room while they talk about their futures and stuff because “oh my god they’re gonna be high school  s e n i o r s  in the fall“ ((‘gee, blink, don’t u think that’s a lot of drama for 16 y/os?’ yes absolutely, shut up))

roman chucks the ball at logan, who catches it in one hand and he’s smirking and roman has to take a moment to catch his breath because ‘why was that so hot omg’

over the next couple weeks the two are basically joined at the hip, and when they’re not hanging out, they’re texting or calling each other and it finally feels like they’re really making up for lost time

at the same time, they may or may not be falling for each other and they have no idea what to do with these Feelings™ 

logan doesn’t know how to what to do because virgil is v aro and the only other person he can talk to is roman, whOM HE HAS A CRUSH ON

meanwhile roman is v frantically texting patton like bro pls call me as soon as u get back there’s a cute boy hELP

it’s nearing the beginning of august when the two go into town to get food and ice cream and they’re laughing and joking and waving melted strawberry ice cream in each other’s faces and they’re sitting on a bench when they lean in real close mid laugh and ‘oh no his face is rIGHT THERE’

they draw away real quick but both of them realize that ‘that wasn’t horrible?’ and they slowly look back at each other and ‘oh.’

“is this―”

“um―”

“is this― i mean if you want it to be ―  is this a date?” and roman holds his breath because ‘dear god, please say yes’

“i’d like it to be, yes.” logan is terrified because he does  n o t  want to fuck this up

except now roman has the biggest grin and he absolutely does not care that he’s got ice cream dripping onto his leg

roman tackles logan into a hug because ‘he’s on a date with logan fucking crane’

logan is thrilled because now he gets to keep this excitable ball of energy who’s made him smile and laugh more in the past couple months than he has in years

(no diss against virgil and patton, but they can’t relate to logan and roman as well as, well, logan and roman)

they both have ice cream on themselves but neither can be bothered to care at this moment because they’re so damn happy

even after they go home that night, they stay up real late at their windows, side by side, just appreciating the company

it’s the next day, and they’re at the park, the sun is setting ((listen,,,, it’s an aesthetic)) and they’re sitting on the swings, holding hands ((they’re in love, babey!!))

“are we… does this make us boyfriends now?” logan is a v technical, official terminology person, of course he’d be the one to ask

“if you want to be boyfriends.”

“i don’t think i’d be asking if i didn’t.”

“then yeah, yeah we’re boyfriends.”

logan walks back into his house with a giant smile, and he plays that event over and over and over again in his mind as he lies awake in bed that night

roman calls patton immediately

and they may or may not scream about it together

logan sends virgil a short text that goes along the lines of ‘roman and i are dating now’ but in real life he’s so giddy that his fingers shake as he types it out

they have their first kiss in roman’s bedroom a couple days later

when school rolls back around in the fall, they walk through the doors hand in hand

and now their rivalry is nothing but a legend that the seniors tell the freshmen whenever someone complains about ‘that one couple that keeps making out in the math wing stairwell, excuse me, i just want to get to class’

[jamiebluewind]

Thank You

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being kind. I know some of you must be... annoyed that I haven't been sharing anything lately (I have too if I'm being honest), but nobody has thrown any hate at me for it and for that, I'm grateful.

I've been resting up since I got out of the hospital, a fact that has been driving me crazy if I'm being honest. Only so many hours in a day and I'm spending so many of um in the bed (doesn't help that dad fussed at me for it)! Then I tell myself that if one of you were in the same position, I'd be fussing your ear off for thinking such a thing and trying to get you to rest, so I'm trying to give myself the same courtesy.

I'm... hesitant to share what went wrong, not for embarrassment but because I don't want yall to worry. Then I realized that this post has probably already make you think far worse, so here goes...

WARNING: Blood mention, illness, body function mention, pain, menstruation, confusion, dehydration, (please tell me if I missed any!)

I got an IUD put in. I didn't want it, but my periods are bad and my insurance wouldn't cover just removing the parts before trying this first. It caused a lot of pain due to having nothing for pain, the person putting it in not knowing what they were doing, and them using silver nitrate without rinsing it off which gave me chemical burns on my cervix. I stayed in pain and they responded saying to take a tylenol and I'd eventually be fine. During this time, I bled constantly. Not a lot, but some. I also had my normal periods to deal with. I found out it was even effecting my mood and making me tired (hormones, constant cramping, or both, you be the judge). Two months in, I wanted it out. They said I just needed to tough it out and I would be fine by 6 months. I'm pretty sure my face did a thing that symotaniously screamed confusion and "fuck you", but I did as I was told.

In the meantime (during December and even now), my heater thermostat started doing something weird. I set the temp, but it would let it get down to like 55° F (12.7° C) at night when it was set on like 68 (20° C). During the day, it would get about 10° F warmer than what it was set (so like 78° F or 26° C). It was kicking on, but not regulating it how it was supposed to. I told my landlady, but they take for-freaking-ever! So out comes an electric blanket to keep me warm at night. I basically lived under the thing after the sun set! I just kept it on one or two so I wouldn't get too warm. I was also feeling crapy (*gestures to previous paragraph*), which meant more bed time than normal.

A few days before Christmas, I got a shot that was supposed to last a month and help block a nerve that causes migraines. I have debilitating hemiplegic migraines and the risk was very low, so I decided to give it a shot. The medication is very new and due to my rare form of migraine reacting atypically to medications, you would think I would know by now not to try medications that haven't been out long.

The fourth and final domino in all this was all the running due to the holiday season. I'm disabled and I have a weak immune system, but I kept pushing myself. I walked so much price shopping for things for everyone that would both mean something and not break budget (even when me left leg wanted to nope out) because Dad gave me a bit of money last minute to help me buy gifts and I only had a week. I wrapped gifts for dad and myself. I cleaned and did some baking. Then there was the driving and the great but exhausting time with family and playing catch with my youngest nephew until my arm was nearly falling off. When I eventually got back home, my whole body had this bone deep ache. Not like overworking muscles after not using them for a long time, but like I had the flu. This is on top of the cramping.

*Note: Some of the information past this point is things the medical staff told me happened, things my dad said happened, and texts*

I would get better and worse. Always worse when I first woke up (remember the blanket?). I went to dad's for a traditional southern New Year's meal. He said I was spacey, lethargic, and far more quiet than normal. My eyes had trouble focusing and I had trouble concentrating. I looked tired so, he made me sleep before driving home. I woke up about 3 am, drank a glass of water, drove home, wrote a post about it (which took entirely too long for me to write), and went to bed.

The next morning, I woke up and just... laid there. I was having trouble figuring out where my body was. It just felt numbed somehow. I called my neurologist thinking it was a side effect the the drug. I'm not sure what I said, but they made me go to the ER.

I'm not sure how I drove there to be honest. I do remember somebody honking. I'm glad it was close, but still. It's a wonder I didn't get in a wreck!

I don't remember much. A yellow floor sign. A woman writing with a marker. Another woman with brown drawn on eyebrows. A machine that had a small piece of that brown first aid tape stuck to it. A name that made me think of the green emoji face (which my normal brain has yet to figure out). I had trouble talking and thinking. I remember repeating "stay still" over and over the (I think it was) several times I was instructed to, because if I didn't, I'd forget. I'm pretty sure I left my room several times. I know I went to my car once. I remember eating food, but I only recall a pineapple cup because I realized partway that I had a spoon that I could use. I kept forgetting to tell them I was hurting when they asked. I had a headache and sick stomach. I also felt so cold and my feet were like ice, but I was running a low grade fever after all.

I started feeling a little better, but the doctor still admitted me. I had a white count, but they couldn't figure out from where. I messaged a few people to let them know what was going on finding typing easier than talking. I used that to my advantage and typed out my allergies to show a nurse.

They struggled getting the IV in, even on my hand. When it finally was in I was hooked up to fluids to keep it open. More blood taken to try and figure out what was wrong. I gave them what urine sample I could which was tinted (I couldn't help it). They had already done some type of brain scan (but I didn't remember it). I kept having minor dizzy spells, but I attributed it too all the blood they took.

They kept giving me stuff, but nothing helped my headache. It wasn't a migraine, but still very nasty. I was grateful when something finally seemed to help.

My nurse came back with lots of juice to go with my super so I'd have something to drink and a container of ice water. She was new to the hospital and hung around at times just checking on me and talking. Just a nice person. It was otherwise a lot of sleeping.

The longer I stayed, the easier it was to communicate, but the tests couldn't figure out why. They ruled out seizures and a stroke. A mini stroke was highly unlikely and didn't fit. They couldn't find an infection anywhere. My white count went back to normal. They couldn't figure it out.

That was until my nurse from the previous day came back. We just talked about general things until I made a joke about the urine sample from the day before. She asked if it was clean catch and I said yes, but just barely. That ended up causing questions and her checking charts. Turns out that despite being there since the morning before, I had peed twice (with the last time hours before). She pressed on my bladder which wasn't distended. 3 bags of fluid, 3 meals (2 of which I know I ate all of), plus whatever I drank. I had been dehydrated to the point that it had caused my white count to go up and was the reason behind my confusion, lethargy, dizziness, headache, nausea, and low urine output. I was pretty surprised. I was released before lunch.

Pushing past my limits, minor medication side effects (including one long term med), staying under an electric blanket too much to stay warm (combined with exhaustion which meant longer in bed and less time awake to drink water), and pain and constant bleeding due to my IUD... all those things combined causing it to happen. I'm still... oof. Still tired. Still weak. Still recovering. Sleeping so much that the days fly by. Drinking lots of water. And otherwise doing just fine (save for my sleep schedule going to shit again). I still love my electric blanket; it's just been temporary retired until I can get myself rehydrated again. That means my other blankets are out of the vacuum bags and piled up to keep me warm ^_^

Speaking of warm, I have my very own love bug/velcro/snuggle buddy Danny who has been on me like white on rice since I got home. He's a good boy

[meshugana1]

I have a married friend who I paint with weekly. She's short, and usually a bit timid unless she's talking about animals, which she loves. Recently she's been painting this pig for a protest piece, and I think she's getting a bit obsessed. She started bringing in snacks, and eating while she paints, which she never used to do. She's been snorting while she laughs, and I've noticed that she's a bit slower and more flirty. I'm worried that soon I won't have a friend, just a fat, dumb, horny pig.

   It was unnerving to see Catherine like this now. I remember when we first met. She was so doe-like in her mannerisms. Even watching her just stand and listen to our painting instructor was like seeing a nymph flit about. She rarely spoke but was all the same warm and the most pleasant company. I remember once I brought up my old family farm, I think that was the first time I ever heard her speak, but she perked up and flung one question after another about the animals I grew up with. She felt deeply for pretty much everything alive. When I mentioned slaughtering cows and chickens, she flinched but said nothing. I made a point not to talk about that in the future and we became easy friends.

   I was in a surrealist phase of my art when we met. It just felt so energizing to be able to take a thing and filter it through my crazy imagination and just put it on a canvas. Catherine was more about realism. She painted the most lovely landscapes I had seen since that disastrous year I spent backpacking in Europe. She even went so far as to include downright microscopic detail in her work, it seemed like she painted each individual blade of grass. But the ones that got the most attention from her were the animals she included. Her horses felt like you could ride them at any moment, anti felt like the birds she created would fly away if you turned your back on them for even a moment. Her work was truly inspiring, I was always focused on the big picture but she was the perfect example of the little picture. We even began hanging out outside our art classes. I would be a little embarrassed to admit how many wine bottles the two of us drank together. Even her husband and I got along well enough. His name was Zeus, can you believe that?

   He was a pretty good guy. Never made a pass at me, not that I’m great at recognizing when people are flirting. I’m still single at twenty-nine and have been for about seven years now. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t find him attractive. He was six feet of bearded, well filled out, lumberjack looking man. Who wouldn’t? But it was sweet how devoted he was to her. He wasn’t an artist like us, but he made a lot of money as a woodworker. He had his own shop and he always came home to her smelling like sawdust. He always came during our girls night and pulled her chin up from behind and kissed her. I was really jealous. He was charming, funny, and number one in my book, handsome. He mentioned to me once that he had been married before but it ended ugly. Who would pass on this guy?

   But their loss was Catherine’s gain I suppose. After our classes ended we started using open studio night at a local community college as our girls night. But then things started changing when he started painting that pig. She was so excited when she first brought in her paints. “It’s incredible Franny! I had the most energetic dream I can remember!” she said.“What happened?” I said.“I was in bed, then suddenly I bolted upright and saw it. A pig.”“What’s so special about that? I dreamt that my head turned into a cow udder once.”“And remember the painting you made from that? It was inspired. And now I think I’m having the same thing happen to me.”“What was so special about it?”“I can’t describe it with words. It was just a pig, squatting in a pile of filthy mud. But it just had this nobility. This dignified beauty…you’ll understand when I finish it. Everything I’m saying will make perfect sense.”

   It was unnerving seeing her like this. She was totally possessed by this painting. After about a month of painting the most beautiful background, I had ever seen her make she stalled. Our brief sessions at the studio stopped being enough. She started going in early and staying late. It was just impossible for her to start painting the pig itself. She had the barn in the background, the pen, the mud. All of it spoke to her vision. It was obviously missing its centerpiece but it was quality none the less. I came in one evening to find her pacing back and forth, three empty plastic soda bottles littered the ground and she was taking bites out of a candy bar. “Catherine? Are you ok?”“No, I don’t see it anymore. I could see it so clearly but now I just don’t have it!”“Maybe you should take a break from this thing. I’ve never seen you drink anything that wasn’t made with ground up grass, the candy bar is new too.”“I have to eat something, I’m so slow recently, so tired. I can’t think straight.”“Like I said Cath, just take a break. It’ll be there later, in the meantime, you can try to get into the mindset of your little piggy.” Catherine stopped pacing just then. Her eyes were widened with understanding. “Franny you’re a genius! Snort!” she said. She leaped up to me with her short legs and planted a kiss on my lips. I had never had a gay bone in my body and I didn’t think she did either, but it was hard to argue as her tongue explored my mouth. We separated and she grabbed her painting with renewed energy and ran from the studio with a purpose I couldn’t divine.

   She stopped coming regularly after that. It was barely once a week that I saw her and each time I did I was more and more concerned. There was never a point when she didn’t have food in her mouth, and more still in her hand. Whenever she laughed she chortled at best and snorted at worst. Her manners took a serious dive, she openly scratched her ass and crotch in public. It was at the mall together for the first time that I ever heard her fart. We were walking and she actually stopped me. “Oh, wait. Listen to this,” she said. Then she squatted down and ripped the loudest fart I had ever heard. I swear it echoed through the entire building. It seemed like the whole mall stopped to hear Catherine snort and chortle at the volume she was able to reach. “I’ve probably got about four more of those in the tank before I’m empty,” she said as she rubbed her belly. It had begun to strain her clothing lately, and not only that but a muffin top peaked from the top of her pants. I can’t even tell you how many pants she tore in front of me. And I was forced to watch as she flirted with countless men as we hurried out of the mall, my protests didn’t seem to deter her at all.

   A while later Zeus gave me a call. “Listen, this might sound weird but do you know if anything strange has been happening to Catherine lately?” he said.“Yes, you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed. She’s eating tons of junk food, farting constantly, gaining weight and I hate to be the one to tell you, but she just won’t stop being flirty with everyone. I’m so sorry Zeus.”“No, no. I know all about that stuff. Was there anything weird before that though?”“Before? No, it just kinda happened after her weird dream.”“Dream?! What kind of dream?”“She had a vision of a pig or something, then got to work on painting it,” I said. Zeus used words I had never heard out of him before, and none of them were English. “Sorry Franny, Catherine and I might need to take a vacation away from all this, get her mind right,” he said. He hung up immediately. Not a second later my doorbell rang and I heard a familiar snorting chuckle, “Franny! Snort, you gotta see this. Oink, it’s so cool!”

   When I opened the door I gasped. My eyes watered from the smell, had she not bathed at all? But the thing that made me refuse to close my eyes was Catherine’s huge, upturned snout. “You like it? I got it done today. You were so right Franny, I just had to get into the mindset of the pig, now I totally understand!”“Catherine how could you do this? What would Zeus think?”“Oh! Do you know where he is? I am in such a rutting mood! I better go sniff him out, snort, see ya later. Feel free to finish that dumb old drawing of mine, oink, I don’t need it anymore. Bye bye!” Catherine said as she waddled away in her straining skinny jeans.

   I called Zeus several times. He said that it was some kinda stress that just got to her. He brought her up to a farm someone in his family owned to help her relax. He said she was getting better every day, but she had a ways to go. That wasn’t much unexpected but I didn’t expect to hear him say, quietly under his breath, “Damn Hera, why do you always do this?” I don’t know exactly what he meant by that. But I thought it best not to dwell. Catherine would pull out of this, I was certain of it, and when she did I wanted her to see her masterpiece finished. It was kinda odd though. As I looked at the partially painted pig I started to feel really hungry, and to my shame, I let out a louder than normal toot.

The End. Hope Y’all liked it!

[porkchop-ao3]

Hi hi. I've been feeling down lately. Like I'm no ones favorite. Can I have a clingy obsessed Rick?

Thank you for your patience with this! Hope this is okay. I didn’t want to go too far with the obsessive thing in case it got out of character, but I hope you like it! I was inspired by my recent uni work... But this fic by no means reflects the way I work xD 

Just over 3k words!

_

My eyes skimmed across the words on my computer screen as I took a sip of tea, the only break I would allow myself because hey, I needed to stay hydrated. As soon as the mug was out of my hands though, my fingers were back on the keyboard, tapping away and filling the screen with more text. Of course, at this point it was all laughable bullshit; as are most essays when they’re started four hours before the deadline. Every point was being dragged out to entire paragraphs, my evidence was being stretched as much as was acceptable to back me up, I’m pretty sure I’d questioned the meaning of life somewhere three paragraphs ago but I’d made it work. I couldn’t afford to go back and change it now anyway, at least whoever had the pleasure of marking the damn thing would have a good laugh. My lecturers had said that technically there were no right or wrong answers for this particular essay, as long as I could back up what I was saying… Well, there was some kind of evidence for everything I’d said so could they really dispute me?

It was all my fault, though. I’d been drifting off to a peaceful slumber, under the sweet illusion that I was completely done for the semester, when suddenly that five thousand word essay I’d forgotten about drifted into mind and jolted me awake. That was two hours ago, and it was currently four in the morning; just two hours away from the six o'clock deadline for the online submission. I was getting there though, just another two thousand words would do it.

With a stressed sigh, I flicked through the book in front of me, searching the index for keywords, absolutely anything I could use. I just needed a scrap of evidence, a slightly relevant quote, and I’d be good for at least two paragraphs. I laughed aloud when I found something, it was bordering on delerium at this point. I was back on the keyboard then, bashing out my next point, just letting the bullshit part of my brain run with it, barely registering what I was typing. I barely even flinched when the darkened room lit up with green light, I just sighed again, my fingers never pausing.

“Not now, Rick.” I said, narrowing my eyes at the screen, my concentration lapsing momentarily, making me forget my flow.

“Oh, oh wow, th-thanks, that’s really -urrghhh- nice.” Rick slurred behind me, and I knew straight away that he was hammered. I rolled my eyes and read through my last few sentences as I tried to tune him out. “I thought you said you were done, on- on the phone you said y-you were fin-ugh-shed.”

“Yeah, then I remembered this entire essay I had to do.” I murmured, what little I had left of my concentration shattering as I felt the warmth of his presence lean over me to look at the screen. His chest brushed my shoulder and he reached an arm out to lean on the desk, shrouding me in his presence.

“Uhhh, are you high? A-are you even reading what you’re writing right now?” He commented after a moment.

“No. To both of those questions.” I told him, carrying on with the essay despite his quips.

“I thought, urp, you were studying art, not ph-philosophy. That’s some deep shit you’re playing with there, what is your essay even supposed to be on?”

“Please Rick, just let me get on with this. If you’re here to get laid then come back tomorrow. Or in two hours, whatever, I don’t care. Just after this is done.” I grumbled. Rick made a sound of irritation, then straightened up, distancing himself from me. I heard him stumbling around the room, fiddling with stuff I couldn’t see. Then I heard the telltale trickle of liquid on metal as he took a drink from his flask.

“Just wanted to see you, s-sorry I’m such a- such a fucking inconvenience.” He said under his breath. I felt a spark of guilt, then brushed it off just as fast. My work had to come first on this occasion.

“I’ll be done soon.” I said, discarding the book in front of me and replacing it with a different one. Fresh book, fresh evidence.

Rick came back over to my desk, picking up a piece of paper, which I knew to be the essay brief. He then proceeded to flick through some of the other papers on my desk, notes, pictures, plans; all hastily done and probably illegible to anyone but me… and even I struggled to read it.

“S-so you gotta compare these two photographs?” He asked. I nodded, not looking up at the images he was showing me. “You talked about how one was taken by a woman and one was taken by a man? Y-you could, urp, could make somethin’ out of that, right?”

“Probably, toss the idea of feminism around and I could get about six hundred words done. Thanks.” I said, making a quick note of the idea in pencil on the closest piece of paper; the textbook. Rick grabbed a chair from the other side of the room and took a seat next to me, slinging an arm over the back of my chair.

“You wrote the word ‘interesting’ three times in the same sentence, there.” He told me, pointing to the screen. “You could change the third one to impactful, think that’d work.” He murmured, disinterestedly yet focused.

“You’re helping me?” I asked, finally looking at him for the first time since he’d arrived.

“Two heads are better than one.” He shrugged. “Would it help you finish faster?”

“I think so. Hell, I might even pass.” I snorted.

“Alright. Let’s get this done, then we can make out, how’s that sound?” He said distractedly, fiddling with a strand of my hair. I raised a brow at him.

“You’re acting strangely.” I noted. “You’re being… nice.”

“Wh-ugh-at, and I’m a cunt for the other three-hundred-and-sixty-whatever days of the year?” He slurred.

“No! You’re just nicer than usual.” I shrugged, turning back to the screen.

“I miss you.” He told me, his voice so quiet I barely heard it. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder more tightly and pulled me into his side. My eyes widened and I sat there, rigid under the unexpected contact. With the proximity, I could smell the alcohol on him, and was convinced that it was to blame. “I’ve barely seen you for two weeks.” He added, pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“All my deadlines…” I trailed off. I didn’t need to explain, he knew.

“Still think you should drop out. School is bad enough, but art school?” He scoffed.

“Hey, it’s another three years I don’t have to worry about starting a proper career.” I told him, twisting to nestle into his chest, essay momentarily forgotten.

“Sure, but is it worth the thousands of dollars?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” I sighed and closed my eyes, the fact that it was past four in the morning hit me in the form of sudden fatigue. “Let’s not talk about it.”

Rick’s hand stroked up and down my upper arm, his other hand feeding more alcohol into his mouth. He placed his flask down on my desk then reached for my chin, tilting my head up and kissing me, I responded for a while, leaning into him and enjoying the sensations. I knew I had to stop eventually though, and with a groan I turned my head towards to screen, breaking the kiss. Rick didn’t stop, spreading his kisses over my cheek and temple, down to the side of my neck. I sighed at the attention, but pulled away, turning to face the computer and attempting to get back to work. Rick’s arms encircled my waist, his kisses moving to the back of my neck and the curve of my shoulder, my body tingled and I longed to give him my undivided attention, but the clock was ticking.

“Okay, next point. Feminism.” I said under my breath, trying my very best to ignore what was going on behind me, but Rick wasn’t making it easy for me. His hands found their way to my breasts, squeezing them through my long nightshirt. My nipples hardened against his palms, and I chewed on my bottom lip.

“Remember, there are words other than 'interesting’.” He mumbled into my shoulder, and I snorted, backspacing on the keyboard as he caught me red handed.

“Thank you.” I said, my tone strained. Rick was quiet for another paragraph, silently distracting me with his touch, his persistent kisses egging me on, lighting a fire under me to get this shitty essay done so that I could be with him. I flicked through the book, finding a vague quote about female photographers. Perfect.

“S-sit on my lap, come on.” He whispered to me.

“What? No, I thought you wanted me to finish this quickly.” I laughed, gasping as he slid his hands under my shirt, resting his cool hands on my stomach.

“Come on.” He repeated, pulling me towards him. I gave in, sliding onto his lap, appreciating his little hum of approval as I did. I leaned back against his chest, and surprisingly I found that the rise and fall of his chest helped to focus me, and before I knew it I had another paragraph. I was close to the end; I could see the light at the end of the tunnel and all I needed to do was conclude. I saved the document, just in case, then skim read the entire essay. Sure, it was a fucking trainwreck from start to finish, but it would suffice. I made a mental note of the points I’d made, then made a start on my conclusion.

“Almost there.” I said, biting on my lip as I summed up my essay, pulling it all together to create what I hoped would be a convincing conclusion. A few hundred words later, and it was done, with an hour to spare before the deadline. I was on the low end of the word count guideline, but it would have to do. I checked my references, made sure my bibliography was in order, and loaded up the essay submission page.

“Aren’t you gonna read it back?” Rick asked me, his hands sliding down to my thighs.

“I don’t think it’ll make much difference at this point.” I said, uploading the file. “It’s better than nothing, right? At least I’ve produced an essay.”

“Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He chuckled. I rolled my eyes and clicked 'submit’, immediately closing down the page along with all my other windows, putting the whole ordeal to the back of my mind as I shut the computer down.

“Whatever, it’s done now.” I said, feeling the weight lifting from my shoulders with those words.

“Finally.” Rick said, standing up and forcing me to do the same. He dragged me over to my bed by my wrist and pulled me on top of him as he threw himself down. He kissed me, pushing his tongue past the easily broken seal of my lips, moaning into me. His hands explored my body, feeling me all over like they were starved. “Mm, missed this.” He broke away to tell me, but not for long. He rolled onto his side, grabbing my thigh and hooking it over his hip, putting our groins close together. He ground into me, and I felt his growing erection against my core.

“Rick.” I protested. “This is all you’ve been waiting for?” I asked, irritation clear in my voice. Rick didn’t stop his grinding, groaning quietly.

“Please.” He sounded unusually desperate, and I raised a brow. When I didn’t respond, he slid his hand into my underwear, rolling my clit beneath his fingers in lazy circles. “It’s been so long…”

“It’s been two weeks. I’m tired. I just want to cuddle.” I whined, but that didn’t stop me from effectively riding his hand, tilting my hips into his touch. His fingers moved down, sliding between my slick folds and entering me. I cursed under my breath and clung to his lab coat.

“I want you. Fuck, you’re wet.” He whispered to me, thrusting his fingers, groaning when I tightened around him, my breath catching. “Let me…” he trailed off, his other hand going to his fly, freeing himself from the confines of his pants, he stroked himself as he pleasured me. I gave my approval by pushing his coat from his shoulders and lifting his shirt over his head. He kicked his pants off onto the floor then came close to me, pulling my panties aside.

“Woah, slow down.” I laughed, bracing a hand on his chest. I pulled my nightshirt over my head and tossed it behind me, meanwhile, Rick was pulling my panties down my legs.

“I need to- oh, fuck.” He sighed, staring at my body. He leaned in to kiss me again, a hand on the back of my neck. “How did I go so long without this? Y-you’re like fuckin’… Crack. C’mere.” He urged me closer, thrusting his cock between my legs, letting it slide across my pussy. I wrapped my leg around his hips and nestled closer.

“Do it.” I told him, my words little more than an exhale. I didn’t have to ask him twice, he sunk into me slowly, inch by sweet inch he filled me up. “Oh yes…” I sighed, my eyes falling closed. There was a slight sting, having been a while since we’d done this, but it mingled with the pleasure so nicely.

“Have you touched yourself these last two weeks?” He asked me.

“I’m sorry?” I exclaimed, confused and taken aback by the question.

“I wanna know if- how many times you came without me since the last time we did this.” He said, and I flushed, involuntarily rocking my hips.

“Not even once.” I told him truthfully.

“Mmm, bet you’re sensitive, hmm?” He asked, his fingers returning to my clit as he started moving, rocking into me at a moderate pace that showed little patience. I was grateful for it.

“Yes. I want you to make me cum.” I told him, wrapping my arms around his neck and threading one hand through his hair. He thrust harder, quickening his pace early on and groaning throatily.

“Fuck.” He spat, his free hand clinging to my thigh. I pulsed my muscles around him, feeling shockwaves of pleasure each time, I let my head roll back as I bucked my hips to meet his thrusts, trapping his hand between our bodies. “Ohh god, you’re so gorgeous. So fuckin’ perfect, fuck.”

It turned into desperate, unrefined rutting, but neither of us had the intention of drawing this out. This was needy. Desperate. Purely lust-fueld. I needed release, and I needed to feel Rick cum inside me. I hadn’t realised how much I had needed this, and now that I was getting it, I couldn’t get it fast enough. Rick kissed my throat, leaving sloppy wet marks across the column of my neck, then he bit down on my shoulder. He sucked and licked at me, tasting the salt of my perspiration. His fingers moved purposefully over my clit, rubbing it tight, quick circles that wrung the pleasure out of me effortlessly.

“Cum. I want you to squeeze my- squeeze the cum out of my balls, baby.” He growled, and his words alone sent waves through my body, dizzyingly intense pleasure that pushed me to the edge. “Mmm, feel how wet you are for me, did you miss this?”

“Yes, Rick.” I nodded wildy, hanging off the edge, ready to plummet. With one particularly rough thrust of his hips, I was gone. “Rick!” I called his name loudly, completely forgetting about the thin walls of my dorm room. My pussy throbbed around him, contracting with an orgasm that I could only describe as perfect. It felt like it would go on forever, building with an intensity that made my eyes squeeze shut. I wasn’t even finished when Rick joined me, and I drew his climax into me, welcoming it with a satisfied groan.

We came down together, slowing to a stop and letting our bodies slump against the bed. Rick pulled out of me and proceeded to stroke his softening cock against my opening, smearing his seed in a display of vulgar pride. I couldn’t bring myself to care.

“Mmm, look at that.” He commented quietly, spreading my lips with his fingers and watching the mess he was making with interest. I left him to it, closing my eyes and letting the sleepless nights from the previous week catch up with me. Rick pressed a couple of kisses to my forehead, letting out a satisfied sigh. The bed shifted as he got up to leave, and I was momentarily offended, until I heard the bathroom door opening. He returned a moment later with a washcloth, and gently cleaned us up. I hummed appreciatively, pulling him back over to me, he dragged the duvet with him and covered us up.

“So you missed me, hmm?” I said tiredly, a little smile on my face.

“Don’t get any ideas.” He warned, but wrapped his arms around me regardless.

“You love me.” I smirked. The only response I got was an exasperated sigh. I laughed to myself, and tucked my head under his chin. “Goodnight.”

“It’s half past five in the morning.” He commented in amusement. “We might as well start the day at this point.”

“Fuck that. I’m sleeping through till next week.” I said. He grunted, then pecked the top of my head.

“Well done, for getting all your shit finished.” He said, though it sounded like it pained him to say it. I smiled regardless. “Glad to have you back.” He added, punctuating his words with a squeeze of his arms.