#layne staley fanfiction

[aishnico]

#𝙇𝘼𝙔𝙉𝙀 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙔: 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦, 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦

» summary: you heard that your ex-boyfriend got out of rehab

»word count: 2.9k

»warnings: angst with a happy end 🤗, NO DISRESPECTS towards demri or anyone else <3, grammar issues

»a/n: i'm officially declaring that from now on, i’m also writing for my favourite 🐐 <33

april, 2002

"layne is coming out of the hospital."

that was what jerry told you before you dropped the handset from your hands. your breath hitched sharply.

"hello, [name]? are you there?"

you didn't pay attention to him at the moment. you fell on your knees, put your hand on your heart. a wrenching pain and a sweet sensation of relief are wrapping around your heart. he was clean now, but could get on drugs again, you hoped he wouldn't. he could continue on his music career with joy and passion. can be happy with his beloved ones, enjoying life again... but without you. he didn't need you in his life. not anymore.

it was painful. witnessing the changes in his behaviors and his physical features. how hard you tried to send him to rehab. how many times have you tried? you don't remember. but you remember how finally you managed to send him.

it was before christmas. the first and probably the last one you spent with him. you were arguing again because of his addiction. the shameful thing was that the guys were there too. listening to you two without saying anything.

not only he was in pain, so were you. but he wasn't understanding how he affected you too. he finally snapped at you before leaving your shared apartment.

"if demri was still here, we would smoke on the couch continuously, cuddle, and make love to each other! she wouldn't instead cry and beg me like a little bitch..."

oh demri, sweet little demri... you were a fool honestly, for thinking he could love someone again after her. clearly, his heart died with her. and you couldn't revive it no matter how many times you tried.

"i wanted to ask you if you would like to see him. we plan to make a surprise to him at your old shared house."

you wanted to punch jerry in the face for asking you this. how could he ask you this? didn't he know how was your relationship with layne? was he trying to make you sad for nothing? or was he hoping you would make up with layne again?

after a couple of seconds, he apologized to you for disturbing you and hung up the phone. you got up from the floor and poured yourself a glass of water. you told yourself not to cry, that he meant nothing to you anymore like you didn't to him. but you couldn't stop your eyes from filling up.

work was waiting for you, so you grabbed your bag and left the house before petting your cat and calling her sadie. sadie... of course you felt bad for calling her by that name. if jerry wouldn't call me i wouldn't call her by his cat's name, you thought to yourself.

it was almost 5.30 PM. you were going home longer than usual. perhaps your mind was still lost, or just because you were tired.

usually, you wouldn't feel bad or tired after work. because your gloomy but lovely boyfriend would wait for you and thinking about him at and after work would delete all your negative feelings. you don't remember when was the last time you were coming home happily. it was sure before christmas, before you two split.

fuck you, jerry... you murmured to yourself. now i keep thinking about him even though i don't want to...

while you were talking inside your head, you bumped into someone tall unexpectedly. life is sure to have surprises. it was no one else but your mutual tall, drummer friend, sean.

"[name], glad to see you again! how have you been?" he asked with a cheerful tone.

you sighed and lifted your face to look up to him. "same, sean. i was fine until today, honestly."

"why? did something bad happen?!" he asked worriedly. you shook your head. you knew you had to face the guys one day, eventually that day has come. "wanna chat?" he asked you while showing an empty bench. you bit your lip then nodded.

you two remained silent for a couple of minutes. he eventually broke it. "it was a long time since i've seen you last time." he stated.

"like five months ago."

"isn't it long for you?" he asked.

"well, i have a steady and tiresome job so i don't have time to think about it all." you kinda lied and he knew it.

"the guys, jerry and mike, are missing you too. you're avoiding their calls too, don't you?"

you didn't answer. god... how you wished you pretended like you were busy while walking on the road (it's not like he can't recognize you because of your height anyway). however, as you told yourself, you had to confront.

"i... want to take everything out of my life that reminds me of him. i managed for these past months. but jerry called me this morning, and gave me the news that were enough to shake me all. i'm happy for him, i really am. there's nothing better than regaining your health back. also in the morning, i called my cat sadie on accident. sadie, his cat's name..."

this time, he didn't answer. you sat there in silence for minutes.

"[name], you have to face him."

"... why? to upset and make me cry again? like a little bitch i am?!" you buried your face between your hands. fuck, you were whimpering. although you were good friends with sean, you didn't want him to see you like this.

did you have just painful memories with him? of course not. you two weren't the most lovey-dovey couple full of physical touch, etc. but it was okay. starting a new love after his long-term girlfriend died was not easy for him, but trying his best for you was already enough for you.

you met for the first time when you were on a record shop and he was just sitting there. you couldn't recognize him at first, you thought he was the owner of the shop. so you asked him to play the lioness vinyl by songs: ohia. you were slow dancing to yourself and he was just watching you, amazed. you noticed his gaze on you and reached your hand to him to dance with you. he hesitated, but gave it a shot when you sincerely smiled at him.

"don't you care what people will think about you?” his voice was raspy. like either he couldn't wake up still or either he was on edge of death.

"no, why? i don't know them, they don't know me. i don't see an issue."

after your little dance, you asked him to play some classic rock records to check its conditions. when you had to leave, you somehow gained confidence to ask him out. he was stunned, but after thinking about a couple of seconds, he muttered an 'okay'.

it was unusual to him. going out to concerts, parks, record shops, and bars again with a new person. sometimes you two would just stay in the house, baking cookies before lying on the couch watching some film from the early 90's and watching the stars before sleeping.

he felt lucky, a new person was trying to drag him out of his miserable life. his friends and his mother, nancy, were happy and grateful to you. you made him happier and even a little bit healthier for a short time. you tried to send him to rehab countless times, he would be there for a few days or weeks. sometimes you considered yourself lucky when he managed to stay there an over a month.

your relationship with him, was a fairy tale. unless he would do drugs when you weren't around. he would become an aggressive, cold bitch who thought he was still around '95. it would turn from a fairy tale, to a psychological novel with an awful ending.

but even after your split, it didn't stop you from loving him. i really have no self-respect... you thought.

"that's not true. believe me or not, when guys and i would visit him he would always ask about you. about your well-being, about your work, about your life... he would worry about you, he regrets everything bad he has done to you."

you couldn't hold yourself and let a hysterical laugh. people who were passing by were looking at you strangely. you calmed yourself and looked at him.

"do you know, how many times i tried to send him there? how i was imagining a nice life with him but couldn't make it real unless he got treated? he wasn't listening to me except a couple of times. did this really have to happen for him go to there? did i deserve this, hm, sean?"

he let out a sigh. "of course not, [name]. but i highly believe his feelings changed. i highly believe he's a better person now. you don't have to forgive him, but it would be great if you listen to what he wants to say." he grabbed your small hand compared to his and gently caressed it. "trust me, that's what is fair."

you didn't say anything in return, just laid your head against his chest. you would be lying if you said you didn't miss sean's presence. not only his, but also jerry's, also mike's... also layne's...

"you're right. the time has come for us." you smiled and got up from the bench. "are you guys gathering at jerry's?"

he shook his head. "no, we thought it would be at layne's. so, your old place." he pressed his lips. "that sounds great, i bet he would be shocked seeing a surprise at his house."

he stood next to you. "yeah, i was just heading there. the guys are already there. we decorated a few things and nancy said she's gonna bake a few things. you can join her, you know?" he smiled.

"i was just gonna say that! i can't imagine seeing her reaction when she sees me." you laughed.

"you know what she calls you still?"

"hm? what is it?"

he lowered his head at the level of your ears. "my daughter-in-law-" he then chuckled because your ears got red.

"mike tells her not to call you like that but she just doesn't listen. she highly believes you'll be together again."

you slightly jumped and bumped his shoulder playfully. "i don't know what are you talking about.”

“i also can't imagine your reaction when you see mike." he smirked.

you stopped walking. "what happened to him? don't tell me he cut his gorgeous long, curly hair!"

"i actually meant starr."

"... wait what?! oh my god he's coming too?! that's amazing! can't wait to meet him for the first time. hey, you walk too fast, wait for me!" you then started running towards him.

"well, we're all like brothers, you know. even after all these things, they kept their special bond. it would be unfair not to tell him the news."

"yeah, glad jerry told me too."

the day has come. jerry knew you were still nervous. instead of telling you assuring things, he said he was going there only with you. minutes passed, you gave up on yourself and got in the car with him. jerry opened a cassette of one of bob dylan's albums to make you relax. it did help eventually.

after about twenty minutes later, he stopped at the parking place. he unbelted his belt then looked at you. "aren't you coming?"

"i'll come after you. now go." you smiled and he then got out of the car and started to walk in front of the hospital.

you saw a tall, blonde, gorgeous man with big blue eyes standing before the building. he seemed lost in his thoughts, swaying forward and back in his place. he was looking healthy and joyful compared to a few months ago. the warm wind was kinda messing with his short, wavy hair. he closed his eyes and opened wide again when another blonde man hugged him tightly like he never wanted to let him go again. your heart melted at the sight. best friends reunited again...

after couple of minutes later, jerry turned his back and looked at you. he gave you a smile as a sign. you took a deep breath and got out of the car, walking with steady steps towards them. layne's expression changed from cheerful to stunned. jerry coughed and started to walk to his car. "i'm waiting for you in the car, guys. don't stand too long, though. there are people who are still waiting for us."

you two stood there without saying anything. you looked at his healthy eyes, and face. oh how much they were shining more now... oh how was his smile making your heart melt more...

"[name], i..."

"it's been a long time. isn't it, layne?" your voice was weak, but at the same time joyful.

his eyes got filled. "yeah, yeah it's been a really long time. it's been a long time without you."

you gave him a broken smile. "layne, you look so happy right now. you look so lively. i'm- i'm glad to see you like this again." your eyes got filled too.

"everything thanks to you. i would never think i would retrieve these days again. i would never think i would see jer, see you. i also was sure you wouldn't want to see me again."

you sniffed. "yeah, that was what i've been telling myself since that day. but i guess i was just convincing myself like that."

"you hate me, don't you?" his voice was like a whisper.

"i hate you, layne," you started, "i hate you for making wonderful memories with me then throwing all of these to nowhere, i hate you for not keeping your endless promises, i hate you for telling me hurtful things, i hate you for comparing demri to me. i hate you for being with me even though you still think about her." your voice sounded harsher and harsher.

"that's not true," his voice now was broken. "not anymore. i don't want to live continuing thinking about her. i don't want to be stuck at memories with her instead cherishing what i have. i didn't understand this at first, never thought about it. i understood it when i lost you. i understood when i hadn't seen your face since then. you're too good and precious to me, [name]. i don't deserve you. but still, i love you."

sean was right. his thoughts indeed have changed. you wanted to open your mouth but he continued on his words.

"i'm sorry for hurting you in any way. i'm sorry for making you drown in my hole with me. you clearly didn't deserve all of this. it was so hard, so damn hard to quit... even making the decision was hard for me. i threw all of your help and lost to my demons. i'm so damn sorry for making you cry after me. i don't deserve your single teardrop." he couldn't hold himself longer and started to cry. his cry made you also cry. you opened your mouth but he didn't let you again.

"at first, i went to this rehab without any expectations but thank god something clicked inside me. i've realized everything i've done to you. my thoughts about life, about drugs, about demri changed but my love for you didn't. i've finally found a reason to stay alive, it has always been you. i... i love you so much, [name]. i'm not waiting for any acceptance but please believe my words."

before he could say anything more, you grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him close to you. you wrapped your arms around his neck and his head fell on your shoulder. breathing in your essence again.

"i missed you. i missed your presence, your smell, your soft touches..." you two stayed there for a couple of seconds and then he pulled off from you.

before he opened his mouth, you pressed your lips against his, putting your hands on his cheeks. he wasn't expecting this but then immediately welcomed the warmth of your mouth, kissing and sucking on your upper lip. his salty tears were dropping down to your lips but you didn't care. his lips got soft compared to a few months ago and him kissing you like this made you tingle more than ever.

you got interrupted when you two heard the loud sound of a horn twice. you pulled off and looked at who it was. of course it was jerry looking at you with a dull face.

"you two have enough time to make out from now on but we have to go now!" he shouted to you with a half-angry voice and you just smirked. he reached for your hand hesitantly. you gave him a gentle smile then intertwined your hands.

"i love you too, layne. i've never stopped from inside. but we're gonna talk about this later, okay?"

he kissed your forehead in response and you two sat next to each other in the car. returning your shared house, only to make wonderful and longing memories to remember in the remote future.

[tenderyellowbluefics]

Hi, could you please do something fluffy-smutty about Jerry Cantrell please and thank you :)

Sickness In Seattle // J.C

Thanks for the request!! I'll be honest I've had this idea for a little bit now and I just didn't have it in me to do smut I'm sorry!! But I'll def do something smutty with him in the future!!

Summary: When y/n wakes up with the flu, it is Jerry's duty to take care of her.

Warnings: None, just fluff!

Requests are open!

Your eyes slowly flutter open, scanning the room of your and Jerry's downtown Seattle apartment. You wince at the light as you start to become aware of the apparent headache you have. You look over at Jerry, still sound asleep. Long blonde hair thrown across his face, his bare upper half seeming to glow in the morning sunlight. You smile softly and swallow, only to wince in pain once more. This time you let out a groan. Apparently, it was louder than you thought as it caused Jerry to stir.

Incoherent mumbles come from him as he pulls you closer to him. And for the first time ever, you detest the feeling of his fingers on your skin. Even your skin feels sore, and the body heat coming from him makes you feel even worse. You try to pull away slightly and pull the covers off of you. This causes Jerry's eyes to shoot open. You’d never pull away from him like this.

"What's wrong?" He asks, his eyebrows furrowing. His voice is deep and raspy, dripping like honey from his mouth. But it’s still not enough to soothe you from the agony you’re in.

"I don't feel good," you mutter, your voice whiney and congested.

He sighs softly and brings the back of his hand to your forehead. "You're burning up."

You groan at his words. "No, I can't be sick." You protest as you try to sit up in bed. But as you do the room seems to spin.

"Woah there," Jerry says with a soft chuckle, sitting up next to you. "Whining won't make it any better."

You shoot him a look and roll your eyes before laying back down with a huff.

"I'm way too busy to be sick right now." You whine, looking up at him with a pout.

"Baby, it won't kill you to take one day to rest." He says softly, letting his right hand trail up your arm soothingly. "How about I go get you some medicine?"

You merely nod, not wanting to talk and inflame your throat any more than it is.

He hops out of bed and pulls on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before striding over to your side of the bed.

"I'll be right back." He says, leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead.

Upon hearing the front door close you huff once more and roll over on your side. Since the day is ruined you decide it's best to at least get a little more sleep in.

You wake up a little later to Jerry's soft voice saying your name and nudging your side. You flutter open your eyes to see him standing over you.

"It's DayQuil time!" he sings, pulling an orange bottle of medicine out of a plastic bag.

"You really couldn't have gotten me the pill form?" You ask, disgusted at the thought of having to drink medicine.

"You know, thanks would suffice." He jokes.

"Thank you, baby." You say with a small chuckle.

He pours the medicine into the small shot glass-type top before handing it to you to drink.

You shudder slightly, quickly knocking back the medicine and swallowing, scrunching up your face in disgust. Jerry chuckles at this response and hands you a bottle of orange juice he also got at the store to chase it.

"That bad?"

"That bad." You say after taking a drink from the bottle of OJ.

He shakes his head with a laugh before kicking his shoes off and climbing into the bed. You scooch over as close as you can get to him and lay your head on his chest, in desperate need of body heat. The sickness causing your body temperature to fluctuate from being on fire to being ice cold.

He wraps both arms around you, placing his head on yours. He grabs the remote and flicks the TV on before deciding on some random sitcom.

"This is shit television, but I don't plan on being awake much longer anyways." He says with a yawn.

"Don't you have stuff to do today?" You question with a giggle.

"Hey, if you get to take today off so do I!" He chuckles. "No, but in seriousness, I did have stuff to do today, but it can wait; I gotta take care of my baby."

You raise your head up to kiss him on the cheek, earning a small smile from him. You lay your head back down and doze off to the sound of his heartbeat. Selfishly, you kind of hope you're still sick tomorrow so you both can stay home again.

[stevenssticks]

hiii p ok imagine mike / layne & reader.... like a 3some ok.. so like sucking off layne while mike is fucking u from behind and ur just like their fucktoy ok...

these two……. together… what a dream urgghhh

having mikes hands gripping your hips real tight while he’s fucking you hard. letting out these really low groans and grunts, praising you, telling you how good you look like this. you’re too busy with layne in your mouth to respond, sucking hard with your hands on laynes hips to ground him and yourself.

laynes got his head leaned back against the headboard, mouth open and whining while one of his hands is placed in your hair, lightly pushing you up and down. mike would lean over you, pressing his chest to your back. pressing his weight onto one hand, he covers laynes hand that’s still gripping your hand with his, and pushes you hard down on layne, making you choke and struggle against him.

layne cums at the sight of you choking on him, the feeling of your throat constricting around him, and watching mike fuck you mercilessly. spilling down your throat with a loud, drawn out cry.

mike wraps an arm around your middle, letting you pull off layne when he’s done spilling into your throat. his fingers skate down to your clit as layne gains the words to keep praising you while mike loses his composure. his thrusts become sloppy as well as his circles on your clit, and the two of you cum at the same time as mike pulls you upright and spills into your cunt while you gush on him, out of breath and out of your head.

[multirockbands]

Hello! Could I request a fluffy Layne Staley imagine about what it would be like going to sleep with him. Also I was the one that requested the last Layne imagine, and I loved it. You have a genuine talent for writing.

A/n: Hello! Sorry for getting to this a little late but I would love to do this, I appreciate that you love my writings it means a lot I love writing these, anyways thank you so much and here you go!

A Hard days night •Layne Staley•

Pairing Layne Staleyxfem! reader

Warnings: None!

Summary: Layne comes home from the studio and the reader helps him to bed

*Y/n’s POV*

I was on the couch watching a random show on the television waiting for Layne to come back home from the studio, I sighed and decided to get a glass of water, while I did I looked at the clock revealing the time *1:13 AM* I furrowed my eyes taking a drink of water and walking back to the couch to reveal Layne at the doorway “Layne..” I mumbled he looked up tired “Hi baby” he said walking towards me slowly hugging me, i hugged back running my hands through his hair “how did everything go?” He pulled away from the hug kissing my lips “everything went good” he mumbled tiredly I laughed at his actions gently walking him to the room “here let’s get ready for bed” he nodded following behind, I opened the door and walked towards the nightstand next to his side I grabbed some clothes for him to change, I turned around to see layne throw himself on the bed I laughed at him and helped him sit up “here let me help you” he was clearly way to tired to even move I took off his shirt and helped him put on a new white shirt then I took off his pants and put on some shorts after this layne threw himself back on the bed I grabbed his clothes and put them in the wash before going back to the room and laying next to layne putting an arm around his waist pulling him closer and laying his head on my chest so I can put my head on top of his, I felt his arm sneak around my waist kissing my neck before mumbling “I love you” I smiled and kissed his head “I love you too” before drifting off to sleep with layne in my arms.

A/n: I really enjoyed this one I’m sorry it’s short but I hope you like it!🖤

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

[thegeek-s]

37. lovers’ tangle, snakeskin boots, and a spilled candle

PREVIOUSLY: Kat thinks Mark’s been acting strange since coming back but she chucks it off to jetlag and touring induced exhaustion; she rallies some people to go see Pet Semetary together and gets roped into chaperoning Lizzy and Jerry’s date before that, along with Sean, who’s anything but thrilled to be there; the lovebirds in question, in the meantime, are continuing to hold off on unsupervised dating but that doesn’t extinguish any of the sparks and chemistry between them; Mudhoney play their first show since coming back to Seattle and the ambience seems to sufficiently change Lizzy and Jerry’s minds about keeping their physical distance after all.

I’ve been feeling like a damn teenager lately and I really need to get a grip. Thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lizzy the whole day today, basically counting down hours and minutes until I’d see her. She drives me fuckin’ crazy, just the thought of her… Hell, we haven’t even kissed! Isn’t that fuckin’ ridiculous? I did tell her I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about her and I know it’s the corniest shit you could think of but I really meant it.

I splash some water on my face and as I’m straightening back up from the sink, a guy pokes his head into the restroom and tosses what looks like a used condom into a bin next to me. Ah, the undying romance of these places… Actually, funnily enough, Mark has been introducing every song tonight with some weird preamble about love and it’s obviously doing something to the crowd.

And I can’t really fully exclude myself…although I’m not sure if the credit should go to Mark here… Honestly, all I’ve been thinking about since I got here is how much I do want to kiss Lizzy. Which, of course, I’m not going to! We agreed not to do anything until I see Dee. And that’s in a week’s time. This is clearly important to Lizzy and I guess I can see where she’s coming from. Just as much as she doesn’t want to start anything with a guy who’s potentially not over his ex, I don’t want to seem like I rush into relationships recklessly and randomly. So no kissing tonight.

I stare at my reflection in the dirty, fractured mirror for a minute longer after drying my face with a paper towel and finally come back out of the restroom. I sit back down on my stool right as Mudhoney are starting…an actual love song, by the sound of it? Expect the unexpected, I guess… Both Lizzy and I exchange thoroughly amused grins and then I launch into a little impromptu dance, which makes her laugh even more.

“I didn’t know you’re such a great dancer,” she beams up at me.

“I’m a man of many, many talents, Liz.” And I’ll tell you all about them sometime later…

I sit back down and pull her closer, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck. The sweet flowery, peachy smell of her hair fills my lungs and I think that even if I can’t kiss her tonight, I’m still feelin’ pretty damn happy. She starts humming along to the song, making up a melody that weaves in and out of the dirty, crackly chords. I love how this girl just knows music, she just feels it, understands it inside out. When she sings and hums, it comes out so effortlessly and perfectly. It’s just like talking for the rest of us.

I press a quick peck to her hair at that thought and feel her instantly tense up just a little. I lift my face, intending to apologize for that misstep, but I’m met with her sexy brown eyes and then…then she kisses me! And there’s no convincing required on my part; I bring my hand to cup her face and use the other to pull her closer as I deepen the kiss.

“Wow, Lizzy…” I look at her, quite literally speechless, when we pull apart after very long, very lovely couple of minutes. “I’ve been dying to do that for a while now,” I stroke her cheek with my thumb .

“Me too, actually,” she purrs, just inches away from my face; still so close that I can feel her breath on my lips…and then we kiss again…and then some more… and we kiss the rest of the night away, and it makes me feel like I’m on fuckin’ drugs, and I never wanna stop.

“Oh, hey, Lizzy,” a familiar nasal voice reaches my ears and does it very efficiently, seeing as Stone is standing inches away from us.

Lizzy and I both automatically pull apart just enough to tilt our heads to look at the guy, just to make sure that he’s really there, that we didn’t just imagine him, in which case we could move on and carry on. He is, however, actually there. “Hey,” I lean back some more and bob my head once at him, wondering if I’m smiling too much and what the social etiquette here is exactly. I can’t really feel my lips though so I wouldn’t know if I was.

“Hey, Stone,” Lizzy giggles.

“Hi, Jerry,” he shuffles his usual wide stare to me. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if Stone’s a walking, breathing genius or if it’s just an empty vacuum behind those eyes… “Kat’s looking for you, Lizzy. She’s trying to go home.”

“Eva doesn’t want to stay longer?” Lizzy inquires sweetly and I, in the meantime, let my eyes roam over her face, down the bridge of her nose, across her skin of softest satin, along her luscious lips, her long, deep-black eyelashes…

“Eva’s not here. I think she’s having a mental breakdown at home or something. Not enough hours in the day, something along those lines,” the doofus continues to converse casually as if he didn’t just interrupt anything. “You’re going back with Mudsellouts.”

“They’re leaving already?” I voice my wonder.

“What do you mean, already?” Stone snorts a laugh. “It’s three a.m.. Lukin already puked all over the urinals.”

Three!?? Swear to God, I would have guessed it’s only been thirty minutes tops since they stopped playing. I guess it is true, what they say about time being relative…

“Wait…so Matt’s driving?” Lizzy’s expression suddenly plunges into a deeply worried frown.

“Obviously not, don’t be ridiculous. Mark is.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better!?”

“It should because apparently, he didn’t have any alcohol tonight. Between you and me though, he’s been acting real fuckin’ weird lately so he might be on something else entirely.”

“Stone!” Lizzy smacks his arm and tries to give him a dirty look but laughs instead.

“I can take you home,” I remember that I can also participate in this conversation instead of just watching Lizzy.

“They’re literally all in the van, like, right now, just waiting for Lizzy,” Stone continues to be the world’s worst wingman.

“You can spend the night at my place,” I blurt out blankly and stupidly as I look at Lizzy.

“No…” She sighs. “I should really get home tonight. But I’ll see you soon, yeah?” She looks at me in a way that makes me feel like she can see right into my soul. Really though, three o’clock??

“Definitely,” I say and lean forward, intending to kiss her, while Stone just…continues to stand there. “I’ll walk you out,” I tell her instead and get up from my seat.

Lizzy and I start walking towards the exit and Stone falls into step right next to us. I give him a mildly bewildered look and his eyebrows dip slightly and…nothing. I shoot him a more obviously confused look and he finally catches on.

“Oh, I’m getting a ride with them,” he nods his head at Lizzy. God damn it, Stone, you fuckin’ weirdo.

I walk Lizzy and Stone out to the parking lot, although I thankfully only kiss one of them goodnight. Turns out, Lizzy doesn’t care about PDA’s, as she sprinkles a healthy pinch of sugar on me right in front of a van full of her friends.

After the Mudhoney ride rattles off into the night, leaving a trace of wolf whistles and drunken laughter, I shuffle my way back inside the venue and head for the bar. If I know my friends at all, that’s where I’ll find them. Although I’m in no rush to see them, or anyone. I might need a moment to process. And to savor.

“Hey there, stud,” Sean’s voice reaches me like a missile. Yeah, I knew it. Him, Layne, Demri, Mike, and a couple other people we know are all draped along the bar counter in some strange, dirty and drugged up rendition of The Last Supper.

“How’re y’all doing?” I drawl, possibly because I still haven’t fully regained feeling in my lips.

“Not as good as you, clearly,” Demri cackles and Layne shoots her a supposedly dirty look along with a dignified ‘hey!’. “Oh, Layne, don’t you remember how amazing and magical the world was when we first got together? Don’t you remember what young love is like?” She flutters her eyelashes at him.

“And what are we now, an old married couple?”

“Still not getting any tonight then?” Sean adjusts on his barstool, turning to me and leaving the couple to their Shakespearean quarrel.

“How do you ever get anyone to go out with you…” I respond with a slow, over-the-top shake of my head.

“I have good hair,” he shrugs. “What do you see in her, anyway?”

“What do you mean, what do I see in her?” My expression of confusion and annoyance edging in is totally genuine now.

“I dunno. She’s…kind of a Olivia Newton-John and you’re definitely a John Travolta.”

“What?” I laugh out incredulously.

“She’s kind of a square.”

“A square?” My tone stays incredulous.

“Uh-huh. She’s probably just in her bad boy phase right now.”

“What the fuck, Sean,” this time he gets a laugh out of me. “What does that even mean?? She’s done coke in Spain, for your information.”

“Oh well then never mind,” he pops his eyes at me as we both laugh. When can I see her next? What’s tomorrow… Saturday. Shit, I work tomorrow… Lizzy doesn’t though. I can drop by her place after work. Is that weird though? Should I just call her? Nah, I don’t wanna call her, I wanna see her. But is th—

“EARTH TO JERRY!”

“Huh?” I flinch back into reality, in which all of my friends are looking at me, yelling and laughing.

* * *

1 year and 2 months earlier

1988 March 12th

“Remember me?” A girl with perfectly messy ashy blonde hair leans into my side in a world's gentlest nudge and then steps back with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. Hm, let's see: I ran into her three nights ago at a show (something that's been happening increasingly more often), she came back to my place (a first one), we had sex, then in the morning she ran out the door unprompted, saying something about an accounting meeting she had with a client (after previously telling me that she was a cosmetologist) and somehow looking even better than she had the night before. Yeah... I've been remembering for the past three days, what an odd question to ask.

“Kelly, right?” I grin at her.

“Asshole,” she narrows her eyes, her smile unfading.

“Asshole? I could have sworn it started with a K.”

Despite the lightning bolts in her eyes, she leans in for a kiss, and as she pulls away, her hand lingers on my freshly shaven chin. “I left my scrunchie at your place.”

“Ah well, it’s lost forever now. Matt will have already used it for some nasty sexual game with himself.”

“I’ll come over to look, just in case.”

“Careful though, my live-in girlfriend might see you and stab me in the night.”

“Live-in girlfriend?” Kristine throws her head back in laughter. “Are you referring to your band mate? Because no sane woman would ever live there.”

“Hey,” I try to give her a dirty look but crumple into a chuckle. “It looks a lot nicer when he’s not crashing there, okay.”

“So what happened to your last girlfriend anyway?” The nonchalance is palpable in her voice.

“She couldn’t take it anymore. Gauged her own eyes out and joined a travelling freak show as a Bearded Lady.”

“Can this be your one question you answer seriously today?”

Interesting question for a Saturday night but alright. I take a sip of my lukewarm beer and shrug. “She didn’t see the relationship going anywhere, she said. Come to think of it, we didn’t really see each other that much towards the end. Clashing schedules,” I pull my mouth into a toothy smile, hoping the answer will suffice. I mean, it’s true. There was nothing dramatic or explosive about the end of my relationship with the last girl I dated. She just kind of got bored, I guess. “I think she might’ve said I lacked ambition at one point or another,” I add as the memory surfaces.

“Hm,” is all Kristine says.

“Now you go! Where did you hide your ex’s body?”

“I don’t kiss and tell, Mark,” she flashes me a charming smile.

“Hello, fellow bar goers,” Kim Thayil shows up from the crowd with Buzz in tow. For some odd reason, their appearance makes me become aggressively aware of how close to me Kristine is.

“Is Matt around?” Buzz inquires.

“I’m sure he is,” I say since last I saw him was about two hours ago.

“I’m Kristine, by the way,” she says unnecessarily loudly and we all turn our heads to look at her.

“Good to know,” Buzz delivers flatly.

“Kim. That’s Buzz,” Thayil steps in with his clearly superior social skills. “What’s with the music?” He then points a finger at the ceiling. “Did you request it, Mark?”

“I love this song,” Kristine states boldly and I'm glad she did it first because I was about to make a different comment on it.

“You're kidding, right?” Buzz voices my concern, narrowing his eyes at her. “What's there to like about this piece of garbage?”

“Piece of garbage? Paula Abdul has a great voice, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that.”

“Ooh, what a sharp comeback. However will I get over it.”

“Mark?” She looks at me now, with some kind of a pointed look.

“What?”

Her eyes linger on me for a moment before she click her tongue and looks away. “Nothing. I'm bored.”

“You want a beer?” I offer her mine that's only half full by now.

“Yeah. How about a fresh one?” She arches her eyebrows and I assume she is hinting at me buying the said fresh beer for her. Okay then, I guess I'll go do that.

I down the rest of my drink and I elbow my way to the bar counter without too much difficulty. I ask for two of their cheapest beers and as I wait, leaned sideways against the edge of counter, my eyes inadvertently land on a girl some twenty feet away. She’s standing there, eating a donut, completely zoned out, by the looks of it, while her blonde friend is talking at her with animated hand gestures. Somebody bumps into the donut girl’s shoulder, making her red hair slide from behind her ear; she sends a quick glare at the culprit, then slowly unsticks a strand of hair from the donut, and plunges back into that same not-really-there kind of expression.

I come back just in time to hear Kim comment on Kristines boots: “Did you kill the snakes yourself?”

“Is that where the bad music taste is coming from? Bad juju for killing snakes?” Buzz adds, which cracks me up and I almost choke on my beer. “They match the song,” he goes on. Hey now, they're certainly something else but I kinda like them. It's a statement, makes her stand out from a sea of combat boots, I suppose.

* * *

I knock on the door and wait long enough that I’m about to knock again but then I finally hear footsteps on the other side. The lock clicks and the door swings open with a faint creak and I find myself standing in front of Mark Arm. Huh… I know Lizzy jokes about how this place is always full of people who don’t live here, yet I’m still surprised, every time.

“Hey, Mark.”

“Jerry, howdy. Heard you enjoyed the setlist last night,” he pulls his abnormally large mouth into a grin and steps aside to let me in. “Always good to get positive feedback from fellow dirty musicians.”

“Uh… Yeah,” I unwittingly mirror his expression. “And I heard you guys have a new rehearsal space and a career in the U.K.?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say we’re on the international highway to stardom,” he says and then just looks at me with that huge smile.

“Oh.” Eva appears in the doorway of her bedroom with a blank stare on her face. “Hi, Jerry,” she briefly lifts her hand. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, not too bad—”

“What’s up,” Matt Lukin appears in the bathroom doorway. Of course. This place really is always full of random people.

“Hey man,” I greet him as he walks over to the fridge. “So uh… Is Lizzy home?” I…did not intent to sound like a teenager talking to my sweetheart’s parents that much.

“Yeah,” Mark answers, still with that same grin. “I think she’s in her room. Do you want me to fetch her?”

“No,” I answer maybe a touch more vigorously than needed. I’m just not a hundred percent sure that he’s joking. “I know which room is hers,” I assure him as I cross the living room.

I knock on the closed bedroom door a couple of times and hear an instant ‘come in!’. “Hey, it’s Jerry,” I speak into the door crack without moving and then the door flies open, creating a wind tunnel almost strong enough to swoop me into her bedroom, or so it feels…

She’s wearing a silk scarf on her head and a fluffy robe wrapped up around her and I love that she doesn’t care about me seeing her like that. I mean, she shouldn’t, she’s gorgeous! And I really like that she seems to know that, too.

“I was actually just trying to call you,” she quickly lifts up her hand holding the telephone.

“Oh yeah?” I can’t help but grin, ear to ear. “Were you calling to ask me out?”

Lizzy breathes out that melodious laugh that makes my head spin as I close the door behind me. And all of a sudden, it’s quiet.

“So—”

“How’s—”

We both start and both interrupt each other.

“I didn’t even know if you’d be home, I was just…” Lizzy starts again while frantically trying to untangle her foot from the telephone cord.

“Yeah, I actually just came here…straight from work. I knew you’re not working today, so… I hope it’s not weird?”

“N-no, no…”

“You sure? I can leave.”

“You wanna leave?”

“It’s fine, no worries…” I turn my body back towards the bedroom door. What the fuck is going on here?! Like a goddamn teenager…

“No!” Lizzy stops me with a thud of setting the telephone down. “I mean,” she chuckles, “I don’t want you to leave.”

“No?” I feel a smile stretch across my lips and my legs finally seem to remember how to move and bring me a couple of steps closer to Lizzy.

“Nah.”

“What do you wanna do then?” I smirk down at her.

“Uh… We should talk!”

“Talk??”

“Yes.”

“What about?”

“About Dee.”

“What?!” I ask with an incredulous frown, in an embarrassingly high pitched voice.

“I mean, about how we said we wouldn’t do anything until after you saw her,” Lizzy corrects herself.

“Right,” I slump down to sit on the side of her bed. “Right, yeah. We should talk about that.” Right? I mean, I don’t really have much to say about it but it’s only fair, I guess.

“I just want you to know that I don’t regret it,” she sits down next to me.

“Glad to hear. Feels like there’s a ‘but’ coming though…”

“But… I also want you to know that I don’t normally act like that… I wasn’t asking to not do anything until after you saw Dee just to mess with you, you know?”

“I know, Lizzy. I know you don’t toy with people like that, trust me,” I give her a reassuring smile. How is this girl so sweet and gentle and caring, and how did I get so lucky??

“Good. It’s just that…you kissed me and I lost my damn mind!” She laughs out.

“Wait,” I pull my lips into an amused grin. “You mean, you kissed me.”

“What? Jerry! You kissed me first!”

“Nah, I distinctly remember reciprocating your kiss,” I lower my eyelids halfway as I watch the gentlest blush tint her cheeks.

“I would never do that!” She protests.

“You would never kiss me?”

“That’s not what I meant, Jer!” She laughs.

“We’ll have time to figure out what to tell our great-grandchildren later,” I assure her as I lean in and kiss her, because I can’t resist any longer.

“So you’ll see her on Friday?” Lizzy places her hand on my chest a minute later and gently nudges me.

“Who?”

“Dee.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Friday,” I laugh at myself.

“Where?”

“Where?”

“Yeah, where will you meet up?” The girl just won’t drop the topic.

“I haven’t really thought about that. How about on a street corner?” I lean in and kiss her again but a moment later, she pulls away again.

“A coffee shop? Maybe Raison?”

“Are you gonna have Eva spy on me?” I smirk at Lizzy and she quickly denies it with a laugh.

I should be thinking about this more than I am, shouldn’t I? I think it’s gonna hit me right before I see her though; that’s it’s all over and that that’s gonna be the end of our communication really. I mean, it has been over for some time. But seeing Dee in person will completely solidify it and then she’ll go back to Colorado so we won’t be running into each other on the street, and we won’t call each other again. It’s like the opposite of a first date – it’s the last one, in which we discuss our breakup and move on from there. It’s fucking weird is what it is, but I have a feeling I’ll be able to appreciate it later. Closure is important, after all.

“I hope it goes well,” Lizzy says.

“I’m sure it will be fine. She’s not the kind of girl to show up with a gun or a cyanide pill,” I assure her and go in for another kiss, yet again, and this time it seems like her mind’s been appeased some, and she melts into me.

“Hey! Oh! Sorry!” Another person who does not live here rips Lizzy’s bedroom door open and then freezes with a horrified expression on her face. “They didn’t tell me you had anyone over,” she glares at somebody outside the door frame.

“Those guys are such assholes…” Lizzy mumbles. “We were just talking…” She adds an obviously false explanation while her friend’s expression softens into a smirk. “Have you met Nadia, Jerry?”

“Hi, Nadia,” I give her a defeated wave of my hand, unable to keep from chuckling.

* * *

Buzz’s truck screeches to a halt, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. I climb out and while I’m saying bye to him and Lukin in the passenger seat, I notice a familiar blurry redhead in the distance, bobbing up and down as she’s marching down the sidewalk.

“Alright, see ya, Mark,” Buzz gives me a brief wave of his hand before they speed off and I start slowly shuffling towards the entrance to the apartment building.

God, I hate how excited I am to see her. Like a fucking puppy dog. Maybe I could stand to see her less, somehow… Within reason – I can’t do anything about the fact that we use the same laundry room and go to the same shows. But I guess I don’t have to hang out in her apartment so much. Just until this brain fog passes.

“Oh, hi, you…” She somehow only notices me when she’s about two feet away. What a lunatic.

“What’s up?” I inspect the obviously annoyed crease between her eyebrows.

“Not much.” She goes inside and up the stairs and I fall into step next to her.

“What’s wrong?” I rephrase politely.

“Not necessarily wrong, just that I haven’t felt this fucking dumb in a pretty long while now,” she keeps her eyes glued to the stairs, her words steeped in exasperation she’s failing to hold back. Funny you should say that since that’s how I feel anytime I exist around you lately but anyway.

“How come?”

“I had that bookseller interview…”

“Oh. And?”

“They had this stupid fucking quiz at the end of the group interview… And don’t even get me started on group interviews,” she draws a circle of impressive proportions with a roll of her eyes; I guess she’s already forgotten about trying not to sound upset. “The quiz had three parts and… I mean, Edward Abbey? Who the fuck cares about Edward Abbey!?” She raises her voice slightly and I give her an animated shrug, trying not to look too amused. “And how is a quiz with thirty questions relevant at all?? I studied postcolonial literature and graphic novels, how about they ask me about that!? I mean…I read!�� She stares at me as we reach the top floor and I nod quickly. “I’m sure I’ve read books that these snobs haven’t. What if I gave them a quiz like that??”

“Uh…”

“I just feel like a fraud…”

“Novak, pull yourself together.”

“Just let me be dramatic in peace,” she sighs out and leads the way into her apartment and at this point, I feel like it would be really rude of me to just go to my own place.  

“Gladly. I promise not to interrupt the rest of the one woman drama.”

“Woman? Feeling generous today, I see,” she eyes me dubiously right before shifting her manic stare over to Lizzy crouched down on the couch, scratching at it with her nails?.. “What’s going on?” Kat voices my exact thought.

“I spilled some melted wax on the couch…” Lizzy grumbles with a heartfelt sigh and Kat steps over to investigate.

“How did this happen!?”

“I was trying to blow the candle out…”

“Dude,” Kat breathes out impatiently, “you know that you need to put something underneath candles to catch the wax. Come on, this isn’t the first or even the fifth time that’s happened!”

“I’m sorry, Kat, I’ll clean it up…” Lizzy’s compliant tone tells me these kinds of scoldings are not completely out of the norm.  

“It’s not hard to just not keep doing it, you know,” Kat goes on regardless. Poor Lizzy really happened to be in the wrong place and at the wrong time, huh?

“Wait for it to harden, it’ll be much easier,” I tell her. “Put something cold on it.”

“It’s going to leave a grease stain on the couch now anyway,” Kat mumbles while kicking her shoes off.

“I’ll clean that too, I have something for that.”

“You’re just spreading it around with your fingers, Lizzy!”

“Novak,” I put my hands on her shoulders and turn her around, away from me, “you and I both know you’re gonna look up all the books from that quiz so how about you go find your library card?” I direct her towards her room because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll become an accessory to a murder – she’ll keep taking her anger over that stupid job out on Lizzy and Lizzy will never stand up to her because she seems to think that the best tactic is to just let the beast keep chewing her.

“Thanks,” Lizzy glances at me with a sour look after I close Kat’s bedroom door. “I don’t understand why she always has to be like that. It’s just some wax. And besides, I already spilled it. It’s not like I’ll unspill it if she just yells at me some…”

“Why don’t you just say that to her?” I ask as I walk over to the freezer and pull out an ice cube tray.

“You ever tried arguing with that girl?” Lizzy says with a shadow of a smile now as I hover the frozen tray above the wax splatter to harden it.

I have and it’s one of my favorite pastime activities. A sport, really. “Fair point. She’s in a bad mood, she just got rejected from that bookseller’s job. I think so, anyway…”

“Oh… See! Why can’t she just say that when she gets home? Then we can bitch about it together or something… Instead, she just takes it out on the first person she runs into.”

Technically, the second person. I somehow escaped unscathed. Uh but that is neither here, nor there, really.

The apartment door flies open and in comes Gwen. “Open the champagne,” she throws her coat on the couch, “first day as an intern at the Mexican embassy has been conquered!” She announces to the room, completely mismatching the mood. That explains the skirt suit though.

“How was it?” Lizzy tries to act like she wasn’t just verbally assaulted by an angry stray cat.

Gwen’s face grows more serious before she opens her mouth, evidently still figuring out her response. “It was great but I will say, there’s…slight sexist undertones…just…everywhere, really. It’s bizarre. Just these little things, little words, little looks…”

“I feel like that should be alarming, considering you’re transitioning from one of Seattle’s shittier bars…” I point out.

“Yeah…” Gwen just stares at – or right through – me for another thoughtful second. “It was good though. And now that I’m there, things will get even better,” she cackles, which I will not question. “We’ll need to go out on Friday to celebrate!”

“Jerry’s meeting up with his ex on Friday—”

“Great, so you’re free! It’s a plan then! You know,” Gwen walks over to the kitchen area, “the stench of sexual tension between you two was getting out of hand. I’m glad we can all stop smelling that,” she laughs while Kat walks out of her bedroom, the same sour expression sticking to her face. She throws a quick ‘hey’ to Gwen and makes a beeline for the bathroom. “What kind of wasp flew up her ass?” Gwen eyes the door that just swung shut.

“Is it wrong that I kinda want her to punch me in the face? Did I just say that out loud? I’m gonna see myself out…” I tip my imaginary hat as I speed walk out the door. I should really go home and think about my life choices while I’m at it.

* * *

“So Jerry and Lizzy are finally done beating around the bush, huh?” Jeff wiggles his eyebrows with a stupid grin as soon as I walk into the coffee shop.

“Huh? How do you know??”

“I don’t know why you’re still surprised that rumors take literally zero time to spread like a wildfire around here. Especially considering that a whole bar full of people saw them last night.”

“Oh, yeah…” I scrunch my eyebrows momentarily, feeling mild annoyance simmer in the pit of my stomach. Not even sure why… I just—I feel like lately, I’m annoyed at the very thought of people having fun and enjoying themselves. Probably because all I do is, well, things I need to do. Things I’ve committed to doing.

“Hey, did you close last night?”

“Yeah,” I mumble as I disappear in the back room and when I come back wearing an apron, Jeff squints over at me from the espresso machine.

“Are you okay?” He asks after a moment.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” I slip into customer service autopilot mode.

“I don’t know, you seem off.”

“Someone at the lab fucked up and contaminated all my tadpoles,” I sigh out through gritted teeth. My colleague somehow accidentally used my tadpoles that I’d been carefully monitoring for weeks, causing all my work to go to waste. I don’t understand how, considering that everything, every damn dust bunny in the lab is labelled. I guess some of us missed some stuff in first grade…ugh. I wish I didn’t have to work here today because I really just wanted to stay at the lab for however long it took me to sort all that mess out. Unfortunately, here I am.

“Ah, that sucks.”

“Yeah…” I lean my hips against the edge of the sink as I wash my hands. “And now I get to be here the whole afternoon.” Ugh.

“That’s the spirit,” he laughs, then places a coffee cup he’d just filled with hot liquid on the counter, and calls a Dean. “Hey, just so you know, you left the café unlocked last night,” he returns his attention to me. I remember when I first started working here eight months ago – this kind of information would have been communicated with a pissy pout and folded arms. Now, Jeff’s looking at me like it’s the most boring piece of information that he just needed to communicate. Woah…I can’t believe I’ve worked here for eight months now…

“I definitely didn’t,” I correct him with a slight frown. I know I locked the door, I’m a hundred percent sure.

“Well, it was unlocked this morning so unless somebody broke in just to play a prank on us, you were the last person here before I came in.”

“Maybe you unlocked it yourself and then forgot,” I offer with a half assed shrug and he opens his mouth to say something else but a customer comes up to the counter.

I take the order, Jeff makes it, and once the lady’s been sent on her way with three extra hot cappuccinos, Jeff turns to me again. “That makes no sense, how would I unlock it and forget about it within seconds??”

“I don’t know, Jeff. I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours.”

“Idiot,” he laughs. “I won’t give you shit about it but hopefully it doesn’t happen again.”

Wait a second… I just told him I locked it but he’s still gonna go ahead and act all high and mighty? “Very gracious of you, to not give me shit for something I didn’t do.”

“It’s whatever, Eva. Nothing happened so it’s not a huge deal.”

I swear, I’m gonna stab somebody in the face one of these days… What’s even worse than Jeff being dumb and probably unlocking the door himself and forgetting, is that he seems unable to keep from making jokes about it the whole hour that our shifts overlap. And I’m really not in the mood to argue about it, or even acknowledge him, really. I’ve been so tired and so stressed lately, I’m finally really learning the meaning of picking your battles.

“Are you coming to the park this Saturday?” Jeff asks me while untying his apron. Finally, the asshat’s about to head out and leave me the fuck alone.

“Probably.”

“You didn’t miss much last week, other than Stone having to fill in for you. That was pretty hilarious, actually. He can barely lift the ball,” Jeff laughs at his own joke. Ugh.

“Yeah, I decided to do something more productive and take a nap instead.”

“Just let someone know next time, alright,” he says before disappearing in the back room.

I miss one stupid afternoon of playing stupid basketball with a bunch of idiots and now he’s gonna lecture me about that too? UGH.

“Hey,” our manager practically storms into the café and walks behind the counter. “Did you happen to see if I left my wallet here last night?”

“You were here last night?”

“Yeah, like late last night. I was just dropping off the sugar. Aha!” He spots his wallet on a little shelf next to a big tub of sugar.

“I think you left the café unlocked.”

“Oh shit! Did I really?”

“According to Jeff. You might need to apologize because he can’t seem to let it go.”

“Tell him I said sorry,” he throws me a goofy smile as he runs out the door.

Just then, Jeff comes out from the back, his jacket on and his bag swung over the shoulder. “You all good here? I’m gonna head out.”

“John was just in,” I inform him. “He left his wallet here last night.”

“Oh yeah?” Jeff asks distractedly.

“Yeah, he was here last night after I closed. So if the door was actually left unlocked, which I’m still not convinced that you didn’t unlock it and forget about it…”

“Okay, okay,” he laughs, “I’m not that dumb. Give me some credit.” Not so sure about that, but whatever.

“It was John who left it unlocked then. There, mystery solved.”

“Huh… Weird. Oh well. I’ll catch ya later,” he waves at me briefly and walks out, and I’m just left there, staring at the spot where he just was. Catch ya later??A ‘sorry for being a dick to you for the last hour’ would have been nice, you fucking jackass. Ugh.

[fatcoochienergy]

hello all.

i’ve come to ask if anyone would be interested in grunge ship headcanons

i am by no means a writer but there’s a sore lack of grunge ship fics so i would like to contribute.

it would only be ships within the grunge bands and probably little to no oc stuff and no x reader stuff at all.

[mancanosempreventicentesimi]

Capitolo 61 - Camicie, domande e Fonzie con i baffi

Nel capitolo precedente: Jerry va al suo appuntamento al buio e conosce Heather. Sorprendentemente anche lei rivela di non aver voglia di conoscere ragazzi al momento e, rendendosi conto di essere molto simili e nella stessa medesima situazione, convince Jerry a fingere che loro due si frequentino in modo da farsi lasciare in pace dai loro rispettivi amici. Durante un gioco di domande e risposte tra Stone e Grace, i due discutono sul fatto che lei non lo abbia ancora fatto dormire con lei nel suo letto a causa delle sue insicurezze. Alla fine Stone riesce a tranquillizzarla e a convincerla a fare questo passo con lui. Eddie e Angie riescono finalmente a passare una serata insieme, a base di pizza e film horror. Eddie prova ancora a farla ragionare sul film di Cameron Crowe e le rivela che per lui quella è una serata speciale: è passato un mese esatto dal loro primo bacio. Angie si sente in colpa perché non aveva minimamente pensato alla ricorrenza, non essendo abituata a questo tipo di cose nelle sue relazioni passate.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love

More love than I've ever seen

He's all I got, he's all I got in this world

But he's all the man that I need

A un osservatore esterno random questa scena potrebbe sembrare surreale, lo ammetto. Se la mia vita fosse una serie tv e l'episodio di oggi iniziasse con questa scena di stamattina, a me, da spettatrice, scatterebbero mille campanelli d'allarme che vanno da "E' una realtà alternativa frutto di un viaggio nel tempo andato male" a "Come minimo sta per succedere una catastrofe". Perché io che preparo i pancake il mercoledì mattina, ancora in vestaglia nonostante abbia pure lezione tra poco più di un'ora, ballando sulla top 100 alla radio e canticchiando (distruggendo) Whitney Houston non è una cosa che si vede tutti i giorni. Il volume in realtà l'ho alzato per Eddie perché sospetto che l'uomo che io-non-dormo-mai-vivo-di-notte-a-san-diego-facevo-surf-alle-prime-luci-dell'alba non abbia alcuna intenzione di schiodarsi dal letto. Stamattina ho aperto gli occhi prima della mia sveglia killer e ho pensato bene di disattivarla per lasciarlo riposare, ho fatto la doccia più veloce e silenziosa della storia e ora sono qui. Visto che siamo sempre di corsa e ci vediamo a spizzichi e bocconi, mi sembrava una cosa carina preparare una bella colazione per viziarlo un po' e poter passare qualche minuto in più assieme, seduti a un tavolo, parlando e scherzando, anziché dirci come al solito ciao ciao e scappare ognuno per la sua strada. E in questo ci metto anche Meg perché, con la fine della scuola che si avvicina, la storia dei tatuaggi e tutti i lavori paralleli che sta acchiappando per arrotondare, persino fare una chiacchierata con la mia coinquilina sta diventando complesso. Pensavo che il profumo della colazione e del caffè sarebbero bastati a dare a Ed un buongiorno più dolce di quello della mia odiata sveglia, ma mi sbagliavo. Verso un'altra mestolata di impasto nella padella e sorrido quando sento il rumore dell'acqua della doccia, pensando che il mio canto melodioso abbia fatto il suo dovere, ma mi ricredo subito quando sento la voce di Meg che inizia a intonare il coro di Freedom 90. Beh, se non ce l'ho fatta io, ci penserà lei a buttarlo giù dal letto assieme a George Michael.

Prendo il piatto con tutti i pancake e lo metto al centro del tavolo, dove c'è già la bottiglia di sciroppo al cioccolato. Siccome non voglio passare per quella che mangia solo schifezze, decido di recuperare anche un po' di yogurt e frutta, che sui pancake ci sta sempre bene. Mi dirigo verso il frigorifero ballando, non prima di aver urlato Everybody dance now! assieme alla radio, infilo la testa in frigo sculettando e quando chiudo lo sportello per poco non mi viene un infarto e non proietto yogurt e frutti di bosco sul soffitto.

"EDDIE!"

"Ehi" mi fai lui appoggiato allo stipite della porta, assonnato e sorridente.

"CHE CAZZO" mollo tutto sul tavolo al sicuro e riprendo colore.

"Buongiorno anche a te, micetta"

"Micetta un cazzo, appari così dal nulla, mi hai fatto prendere un colpo"

"Perdonami, non volevo spaventarti. E' che beh... eri tutta concentrata nel ballo, non potevo interromperti" spiega con quella faccia da adorabile stronzetto che... niente, ho lezione tra un'ora, non posso pensare a queste cose.

"Da quanto eri lì?"

"Da un po'" è ancora sulla porta della cucina. In boxer e camicia. Ripeto, Angie, NON PUOI PENSARE A QUESTE COSE.

"Potevi trovare una maniera alternativa e più soft di annunciare la tua presenza, no?" torno ai fornelli spenti e fingo di spegnerli, poi mi sposto al lavandino e fingo di armeggiare con qualcos'altro finché non mi sento le sue mani sulle spalle.

"E perdermi questo show? Non sono mica scemo" mi bacia una guancia e poi si appoggia col mento sulla mia spalla destra.

"Lo show ideale per un risveglio traumatico. Attento che ti scotti, è ancora calda" lo avviso quando vedo che allunga le mani sulla padella, forse per metterla a lavare.

"Tanto sono già cotto" mette tutto nel lavandino e poi mi abbraccia da dietro appoggiandosi di nuovo a me.

"Eheheh che?"

"Hai idea di quanto eri sexy?" sussurra allungando queste cazzo di mani.

"Sono sexy in cucina? Ai fornelli? In uno dei ruoli stereotipati in cui il maschilismo più becero imprigiona le donne?" mi volto verso di lui nel tentativo di togliermelo di dosso, ma con scarsi risultati.

"In realtà intendevo ballando in vestaglia, ma onestamente questo è pure meglio, cazzo" scarsissimi visto che ora mi ha artigliato il culo e la sua bocca si sta avvicinando pericolosamente al mio punto debole sul collo.

"Ah quindi... anni di lotte per l'emancipazione della donna ridotte a un feticcio? Femminismo che ha senso di esistere solo per la gratificazione sessuale di te, uomo etero?"

"Piantala o mi tocca scoparti qui e adesso" si allontana dal mio collo giusto il tempo di farmi presente questa cosa all'orecchio, per poi tornare al suo lavoro.

"Eheh tanto non puoi" lo spingo via in maniera forse troppo impulsiva, mi volto di nuovo e inizio a riempire il lavello con acqua per poi prendere il detersivo per i piatti.

"Perché?" e però pure tu Eddie, se continui così non mi aiuti.

"Perché... perché c'è Meg di là..." e ancora con queste mani sui fianchi " E poi dobbiamo mangiare e devo andare a lezione"

"Allora, aspetta," Eddie chiude il rubinetto, mi prende la mano e, spingendomi a una sorta di piroetta, mi obbliga a girarmi ancora verso di lui "punto uno"

"Ahah hai pure i punti già pronti di prima mattina?"

"Sono nato pronto. Punto uno: Meg è di là, non è qui" prima allunga lo sguardo verso la porta, poi lo indirizza di nuovo verso di me e mi fa l'occhiolino.

"Però può arrivare da un momento all'altro" ribatto, ma non sono altrettanto veloce nel contrastare le sue mani, che iniziano a sbottonarmi la vestaglia.

"Basta stare attenti quando sentiamo Mariah Carey che si avvicina" scherza ironizzando sulla canzone che sta cantando adesso.

"E se siamo troppo distratti?" richiudo un bottone, lui me ne sbottona due.

"Punto due:" continua lui infischiandosene delle mie obiezioni "possiamo mangiare dopo"

"Ma dopo che?" si limita ad alzare lo sguardo per sorridermi, senza rispondermi.

"Punto tre: ti do io uno strappo in università così fai prima" e via altri due bottoni.

"Ma-" provo a ribellarmi, in maniera non molto convinta, e lui mi zittisce baciandomi, dolcemente, ma con una certa fermezza, e ora la mia vestaglia è completamente aperta.

"Dai, andiamo di là cinque minuti"

"Non saranno mai cinque minuti, Eddie"

"Scommettiamo?" la vestaglia è a terra e le mani sono sotto la mia maglia del pigiama e minacciano di far volare anche quella, almeno finché un dettaglio non cattura, in ritardo, la mia attenzione.

"Eddie, da-... ehm, scusa, ma cos'hai addosso?"

"Sono troppo vestito, vero? Adesso rimedio subito!" ammicca con le sopracciglia come uno scemo, fa per levarsi la camicia, ma lo blocco.

"No, intendo dire, non vedi cosa ti sei messo addosso? Non ti sei accorto?" inizio a ridere e solo adesso inizia ad avere un piccolo cedimento e a mollare la presa. Ne approfitto per ricompormi e recuperare la vestaglia da terra.

"Cos'è? Me la sono messa alla rovescia?" si guarda la camicia senza capire, e poi guarda me, imbronciato, quando mi rimetto la vestaglia.

"No, è dritta, ma è la mia, non vedi?" svelo accarezzandogli il petto con la scusa (anch'io però!) di indicare i taschini sulla parte anteriore della mia camicia a quadri, molto simile alla sua "La tua non ha questi"

"Oh cazzo, si vede che nel rincoglionimento del risveglio ho preso la tua anziché la mia, si assomigliano"

"Come hai fatto a non accorgertene? Non vedi che è da donna? I bottoni sono al contrario" gliene chiudo due e nel farlo constato quanto gli stia comoda la mia camicia. Molto, troppo comoda. Ci balla dentro. E' ovvio che non se ne sia accorto, se fossi una taglia 40 non ci sarebbe entrato neanche un suo braccio in questa cazzo di camicia. Invece no, non ci ha fatto caso, perché la sua ragazza è un peso massimo, doveva capirlo per il motivo opposto e cioè che ci sta dentro due volte.

"Ah! Ecco perché non riuscivo a chiuderla, cazzo! Mi sentivo scemo, per un attimo ho pensato di essere fatto o di avere un aneurisma o qualcosa del genere ahahahah"

"Tu non stai bene" scuoto la testa e prendo i piatti da sistemare sul tavolo, dandogli le spalle per evitare che veda la mia faccia, rabbuiata a causa dei pensieri di prima. Perché il mio cervello deve sempre rovinare i momenti migliori?

"Va beh, comunque è comoda e sa di te, penso la terrò. Posso?" mi giro incredula e quando lo guardo prende i lembi della camicia e se li chiude stretti sul petto, mimando un abbraccio, poi appoggia il naso al tessuto della manica e si finge inebriato dal mio profumo, emettendo un plateale sospiro soddisfatto.

"Da quale cazzo di commedia romantica sei uscito, me lo spieghi?" lo guardo perplessa e dentro di me lo ringrazio per avermi fatto dimenticare in un secondo i miei pensieri negativi del cazzo.

"Io non sono romantico e non faccio ridere" replica serissimo.

"E comunque il cliché dovrebbe essere al contrario: in qualsiasi romanzo rosa che si rispetti è la tipa che si alza al mattino e si mette la camicia o le magliette di lui, che ovviamente se ne compiace"

"E da quando in qua rispetti i cliché di genere? E' sempre e solo l'occhio maschile a dover essere compiaciuto?" si appoggia all'indietro al ripiano della cucina e così facendo i lembi della camicia si allargano di nuovo.

"Piantala o mi tocca... uhm... saltarti addosso qui e adesso" semicito la sua battuta di prima.

"Disse lei, dandomi un ottimo motivo per non piantarla" Eddie si riavvicina con fare minaccioso (sì, va beh...), ma stavolta gli va male e penso di non aver mai amato e odiato allo stesso tempo Mariah Carey così tanto come adesso.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh ciao ragazzi, buongiorno" Meg fa il suo ingresso in cucina e non so se non si accorge di me e Eddie perché la sua attenzione è tutta sul tavolo imbandito o se fa semplicemente finta.

"Ciao"

"Buongiorno Meg" io e Eddie ci allontaniamo come due calamite messe l'una davanti all'altra, Eddie si gira a cercare di allacciare i restanti bottoni della camicia, seppur al contrario, mentre io mi dedico alla distribuzione dei pancake nei piatti.

"Ho interrotto qualcosa?" mi correggo, se n'è accorta e non fa nemmeno finta di no, mentre spreme il cioccolato sui suoi pancake.

"Sì, un dibattito sul femminismo" Eddie mi dà un bacio volante sulla guancia e si siede a tavola.

"Non ce la fate a flirtare come le coppie normali, eh?" Meg mi strizza l'occhio mentre mi siedo anch'io, rassegnata ai suoi commenti.

"Non siamo normali presi singolarmente, figurati come coppia" osserva Eddie e non ha tutti i torti. Anche lui va sullo sciroppo di cioccolato, quindi l'unica a dare un po' di soddisfazione allo yogurt sarò io, ovviamente.

"Comunque quand'è che gli chiedi di trasferirsi qui?" Meg prima guarda me e poi, stavolta, l'occhiolino è per Eddie.

"Che??"

"Così prepari la colazione figa tutte le mattine"

"Se vuoi i pancake basta chiederli, non serve tirare in mezzo Eddie" borbotto mentre lui e Meg se la ridono sotto i baffi a spese mie.

"Hai chiamato Crowe?" Meg mi rifila un'altra stoccata quando è a metà del suo piatto ed è chiaro che stamattina sono il suo bersaglio preferito.

"No, non l'ho chiamato"

"E quando lo chiami?"

"Beh, non lo so, io-"

"Se vuoi ci penso io," Eddie mi salva in tutti i sensi, intervenendo nella conversazione e versandomi un altro po' di caffè nella tazza mezza vuota "glielo dico io quando lo vedo"

"Gli dici che Angie accetta?!" Meg rimane con la forchetta a mezz'aria davanti alla bocca aperta e sta per avere un'amara sorpresa.

"Veramente, no. Cioè, avevo capito di no, o forse sbaglio?" Eddie guarda alternativamente la mia coinquilina e me.

"No, non sbagli, come ti avevo già detto, ho deciso di rifiutare" lo rassicuro e mi preparo all'inferno.

"E PERCHE' CAZZO?" Meg fa cadere la forchetta nel piatto e mi guarda con rimprovero.

"Perché già lo sai, non è roba per me"

"E tu non le dici niente?" Eddie, che evidentemente ha apprezzato i miei sforzi culinari perché ha già spazzolato tutto, temporeggia qualche secondo con il tovagliolo sulla bocca prima di parlare.

"Ehm? Io? Perché? Che dovrei dire?"

"Come che devi dire?! Convincila, no?" Meg guarda entrambi come se fossimo degli idioti.

"Beh, ne abbiamo parlato. Personalmente penso sia un'ottima occasione, ma se Angie non se la sente, non se la sente. Non voglio metterle pressione o cose del genere" Eddie si alza, sistema il piatto nel lavello assieme alla tazza, dopo aver finito il suo caffè.

"Io invece ce la metto eccome la pressione, a parte che senza una spintarella esterna non faresti mai un cazzo di niente, non saresti nemmeno qui! E poi penso tu stia facendo una grossa cazzata a dire di no! E dovresti dirglielo anche tu, se ci tieni a lei" la mia amica scalpita sulla sedia, non si aspettava di trovarsi in minoranza.

"Ci tengo e proprio perché ci tengo voglio che sia libera di scegliere cosa fare. Se facesse il film solo per farci contenti, sarebbe inutile. Almeno io la penso così." Eddie espone la sua tesi per poi avvicinarsi di nuovo a me e darmi un altro bacio, rapido, sulle labbra "Vado a fare la doccia e vestirmi. Con i vestiti giusti, stavolta"

Lo guardo sognante mentre esce dalla cucina e si allontana, finché non incrocio lo sguardo interrogativo di Meg di fronte a me.

"Eheh è perché ha sbagliato camicia, si è messo la mia al posto della sua, perché al buio gli sembravano uguali eheh"

"Non è questa la spiegazione che cerco"

"In che senso?"

"Cosa gli hai detto?"

"A chi?"

"A Eddie? Per renderlo improvvisamente così attento a non urtare la tua sensibilità, cosa gli hai detto?" incrocia le braccia e mi guarda con sfida.

"Cosa ti fa credere che io gli abbia detto qualcosa?"

"Ti conosco. E, anche se un po' meno, conosco anche lui"

"Non può essere che semplicemente pensi quello che ha detto?"

"No. Non lo pensava quando ti ha obbligato a giocare a basket con la band, suonare la batteria alla festa di Cameron, salire sullo Space Needle, limonare davanti a un locale intero per due ore, non vedo perché dovrebbe aver cambiato idea adesso, a meno che tu non sia intervenuta in qualche maniera" Meg conta aggressivamente le mie imprese sulle dita.

"Non hai intenzione di finire i tuoi pancake?"

"No, non ti darò la minima soddisfazione culinaria finché non parli" e lo sa che la cosa mi da molto fastidio, sta usando le maniere forti.

"Ma non ho niente da dire"

"Che gli hai detto?"

"Niente"

"Che gli hai detto davvero?"

"Ahahah NIENTE!"

"Gli hai promesso dei favori sessuali?"

"E' il mio ragazzo, ha già i miei favori, non c'è bisogno che io glieli prometta"

"Favori un po' più trasgressivi dei soliti?"

"No!"

"E allora parla oppure questi pancake finiscono nel cestino" Meg prende il piatto, si alza e si piazza davanti alla pattumiera.

"Non ne avresti il coraggio"

"Scommettiamo?" mantenendo il contatto visivo con me, allunga il piede sul pedale lentamente, dopodiché con uno scatto fa aprire il coperchio.

"Va beh, non è che gli abbia detto una cosa specifica..."

"HA! Qualcosa gli hai detto, allora?" il coperchio si richiude, ma lei non si sposta.

"Gli ho parlato del fatto che non sarei a mio agio nel ruolo di attrice"

"Mmmm"

"E che avrei avuto troppe battute"

"E poi?"

"Che la presenza di Tim Burton mi avrebbe messa in difficoltà"

"Ok"

"E che sarei stata ipercritica e non avrei mai più voluto vedere quel film se io ci fossi stata dentro.. Anzi, che magari per il trauma non mi sarei più avvicinata a un set"

"Solo questo?" il piedino di Meg punta ancora sul pedale della pattumiera.

"Solo? Praticamente gli ho detto che avrebbe potuto mettere a rischio la mia intera carriera"

"Ok. E poi, che altro gli hai detto?" Meg non molla e ormai lo sento che sto per capitolare, non ho altra scelta.

"E beh, potrei aver aggiunto dei dettagli di trama..."

"ECCO. Parlami di questi dettagli" Meg ha capito di avermi finalmente in pugno e torna a sedersi a tavola, appoggiando il piatto davanti a sé.

"Potrei avergli detto che, scorrendo rapidamente il copione, avevo intravisto qualcosa che non mi andava di fare"

"Che cazzo ti sei inventata, Angie?" la mia amica scuote la testa e impugna di nuovo la forchetta.

"Non ho inventato niente! Gli ho solo detto che a un certo punto mi è sembrato di vedere una scena con..."

"Con...?"

"Con un bacio"

"UN BACIO?!"

"Un bacio, molto lungo"

"AHAHAHAHAH SEI PROPRIO UNA STRONZA!" Meg non si trattiene e ride tenendosi la pancia.

"Guarda che è vero! Il bacio c'è! Ce ne sono diversi! Solo, ehm, non esattamente nella mia scena"

"CHE BASTARDA!"

"E da quando ho accennato questa cosa a Eddie, è diventato improvvisamente molto comprensivo delle mie insicurezze"

"MA VA?! Chissà come mai?" Meg si ributta sui pancake, non prima di averci messo un altro po' di cioccolato.

"Non gli dirai niente, vero?"

"Guarda, sarei tentata perché per me sei fuori a rifiutare una parte nel film e tirerei in mezzo chiunque per convincerti, ma..."

"Ma?"

"Ma ammiro troppo la tua perfidia in questa cosa per farti sgamare"

"Io non sono perfida!"

"No, sei solo una piccola manipolatrice in erba che usa astutamente una debolezza altrui per il suo tornaconto... La mia Angie sta crescendo! Potrei quasi mettermi a piangere" Meg finge commozione e si asciuga delle finte lacrime con tovagliolo.

"Ahaha non ho manipolato Eddie"

"Hai usato la sua gelosia per fargli fare quello che volevi tu, come me lo chiami?"

"Ho solo fatto un discorso andando a toccare alcune corde..."

"Le corde giuste!" Meg si alza e mette il piatto nel lavandino assieme al resto.

"Non capisco se stai cercando di far leva sulla mia coscienza per portarmi a dire la verità a Eddie e accettare la parte o se apprezzi davvero la mia piccola manovra disonesta"

"Mmm un po' tutt'e due!" Meg esce dalla cucina e recupera giacca e borsa, io la raggiungo sulla porta "Comunque, alla fine, anche se manipolato, ha ragione Eddie: sei tu a decidere. E' che a me sarebbe piaciuto potermela tirare un po' in giro e dire Ehi, la mia amica è in quel film!"

"Metà della gente che conosci sarà in quel film. Comunque, quando sarò un'autrice di successo potrai dire Ehi, quello l'ha scritto la mia amica!"

"Non vedo l'ora! Va beh, ci vediamo stasera da Roxy"

"Ok, ciao"

"Mi hai seguita per salutarmi o per accertarmi che non vada da Eddie a spifferare tutto?"

"Ahahahahah per salutarti! Non lo faresti mai. Almeno, non adesso che è sotto la doccia"

"Mah, se volessi potrei anche, tanto quella gelosa nella coppia non sei tu" mi fa l'occhiolino ed apre la porta.

"Ciao Meg"

"E poi l'ho già visto in mutande, ormai" fa per allontanarsi, ma torna indietro.

"CIAO" le chiudo la porta in faccia per scherzo e lei la tiene aperta con un piede.

"E per me i ragazzi delle amiche sono tutti donne"

"VAI CHE E' TARDI, A STASERA!"

Il tarlo che Meg ha provato a mettermi in testa sul mio tiro mancino nei confronti di Eddie non fa neanche in tempo a insinuarsi nei miei pensieri quando il telefono inizia a squillare.

"Pronto"

"..." dall'altra parte, nulla.

"Pronto?" ripeto ed effettivamente mi sembra di sentire dei rumori attraverso il ricevitore. Più che linea disturbata, mi dà l'idea di qualcuno in attesa in silenzio con la cornetta in mano.

"C'è qualcuno o no?" nel momento in cui percepisco chiaramente un respiro mi raggelo. Mi guardo attorno per capire dove sia Eddie, perché non sento più il rumore dell'acqua, ma non lo vedo in giro. Vado a sbirciare in camera mia e non c'è, quindi probabilmente ha finito la doccia, ma è ancora in bagno.

"Sei tu?"

"..." ancora niente.

"Hai bisogno? Ti servono soldi?" chiedo a bassa voce, ma senza avere alcuna risposta, se non una brusca chiusura della telefonata.

Espiro profondamente, come se avessi trattenuto il fiato da un po', e forse è stato proprio così. Mollo il telefono sul tavolo, prendo il mio piatto e lo metto nel lavandino assieme a tutto il resto. Butto un occhio all'orologio. No, adesso non faccio in tempo, li laverò oggi pomeriggio. Un nuovo squillo del telefono mi fa sobbalzare, lo guardo per un po' senza fare niente, ma poi mi decido a rispondere, se non altro per evitare che Eddie si insospettisca ed esca a vedere che succede e perché nessuno risponde al telefono.

"PRONTO?!"

"Ehi, buongiorno anche a te! Cos'è, ci siamo svegliate con la luna storta stamattina?" la risposta dall'altra parte, stavolta, mi mette di tutt'altro umore.

"Ciao mamma! No, tutto ok"

"Insomma, sembrava volessi sbranare chiunque fosse dall'altro capo del telefono..."

"No è che... c'è qualcuno che si diverte a fare scherzi telefonici stamattina. Chiamano e non parlano, senza neanche un po' di fantasia, almeno si inventassero qualcosa"

"Della serie, se dovete rompere le scatole, almeno usate la creatività"

"Esatto"

"Va beh, come stai? Scusa se ti chiamo presto, ma almeno sono sicura di trovarti"

"No problem, hai fatto bene. Anzi, diciamo che mi hai trovata per un pelo perché tra poco devo andare a lezione" vado in camera mia a prendere i vestiti da mettermi, in attesa che Eddie esca dal bagno.

"Ecco, appunto. Finirà che dovrò prendere un appuntamento per parlare al telefono con te"

"Tranquilla, ho ancora tempo, possiamo avere la nostra appagante conversazione madre-figlia"

"Allora appaga la mia curiosità? Come stai? Come sono andate le vacanze?"

"Bene, ho lavorato un sacco!"

"Peccato si chiamino vacanze..."

"Va beh, mi sono anche riposata e ho fatto un sacco di cose che avevo in sospeso da una vita! Ho sbrinato il frigo, ho pulito i lampadari, ho lavato tutti i tappeti..." torno in corridoio mentre ripercorro tutte le tappe delle grandi pulizie di casa Pacifico-McDonald.

"Che strano concetto di riposo"

"Uff, sono uscita con Meg e gli altri, non sono stata in casa tutto il giorno"

"Non avevo dubbi. E come sta Eddie?"

"Eddie sta-" mi ha quasi presa in contropiede "Perché mi chiedi di Eddie? E soprattutto, come fai a conoscerlo?" già, come fai a conoscere il tizio che è appena uscito dal bagno coperto solo da un corto asciugamano legato non benissimo in vita che potrebbe cadere da un momento all'altro e che mi ha fatto l'occhiolino prima di infilarsi in camera mia.

"Oh me ne ha parlato tuo padre!"

"Te ne ha parlato?" infilarsi in camera senza chiudere la porta. L'asciugamano prende il volo e... NO, ANGIE, NON HAI TEMPO E SEI AL TELEFONO CON TUA MADRE.

"Sì, cioè, mi ha detto che hai un amico che si chiama Eddie e che l'ha conosciuto"

"E' successo mesi fa, perché mi chiedi dei miei amici adesso?" e perché proprio di Eddie, sarebbe la vera domanda. Ma non voglio calcare troppo la mano e insospettirla.

"No, è che sto guardando le foto che aveva fatto tuo padre quando è venuto a trovarti..."

"Ah, le famose foto che io non ho ancora visto" mi chiudo a chiave in bagno e metto in vivavoce, così posso lavarmi i denti nel frattempo.

"Eh perché le ha sviluppate solo adesso! Perdonalo, è stato presissimo col lavoro, l'ho visto anch'io a malapena"

"Lo so, lo so, è che mi aveva detto che me le avrebbe spedite"

"Infatti, sta andando giusto stamattina a spedirtele. Che poi sarebbe il motivo per cui ti ho chiamato, per dirti proprio questo"

"Oh perfetto! Ringrazialo"

"E...niente, siccome ho proprio davanti una foto di te con Eddie, mi è venuto in mente. Così"

"Così a caso"

"Certo. Comunque, come sta?" benissimo, ha passato la notte con me e adesso è nudo in camera mia.

"Bene! Da quello che so, almeno. Insomma, la band sta registrando l'album, non li vedo spesso come prima" brava, plurale, Angie, vai di plurale.

"Ma prima mi hai detto che sei uscita con gli altri durante le vacanze di primavera"

"Sì, certo, ma adesso è un po' che non li vedo. Comunque sono contenti, Stone mi ha detto che tutto sta procedendo bene" usare Stone come diversivo per distogliere l'attenzione da Eddie sarà stata una mossa azzeccata?

"Ah! Allora Stone l'hai visto più di Eddie!" no, non è azzeccata per un cazzo.

"Li ho visti alla stessa maniera, mamma, non farti strane idee, pensavo di essere stata abbastanza chiara a Natale" sbuffo e inizio a levarmi vestaglia e pigiama.

"Chiarissima! Va beh, sappi che le foto sono molto belle, adesso ti passo papà che ti deve dire una cosa"

"Ok?" mio padre? Che mi deve dire? Non vorrà chiedermi anche lui di Eddie, così, a caso.

"Ciao Angie, chiama tu la prossima volta, così non ti disturbo, va bene?"

"Non ti sarai offesa perché mi sto preparando mentre ti parlo?" mi vesto velocemente, l'unica cosa che non ho preso sono gli stivali, ma posso metterli dopo.

"No, ma chiama! Va beh, ti passo tuo padre"

"Ciao"

"Ehi Angie!"

"Ciao papà"

"Oggi ti mando tutte le foto di quando sono venuto da te, scusami, ma è stato un casino. E' da una settimana che vivo in camera oscura praticamente"

"Non ti preoccupare. Come sono venute?" metto il pigiama nella cesta del bucato, mi butto la vestaglia sulla spalla e, col telefono ancora in vivavoce in mano, esco dal bagno

"Ah benissimo! Sia quelle dei concerti sia quelle della festa in spiaggia, c'è un bel pacchetto pronto per essere spedito"

"Ecco adesso esci dalla camera oscura e stai un po' con mamma" quando entro in camera non perdo tempo, appoggio la vestaglia sulla sedia e corro a tappare la bocca a Eddie prima che possa emettere qualsiasi suono.

"Tranquilla!"

"Volevi dirmi qualcos'altro? La mamma mi aveva già detto tutto delle foto" quando sono sicura che abbia capito e mi fa un cenno con la testa, mollo la presa sulla bocca di Eddie e vado a sedermi sul letto per mettermi gli stivali, dandogli le spalle.

"Sì, volevo chiederti: conosci i Nirvana?"

"Sì, sono una band di queste parti, li ho anche visti due volte in concerto"

"Non come band, li conosci di persona?"

"Ehm beh, non proprio"

"In che senso? Li conosci o no?"

"Li conosco di vista! Più che altro il batterista..." ma cazzo, come mi escono?? Mi giro di scatto e vedo Eddie che si è bloccato con la mano sulla cerniera dei pantaloni e mi guarda male "e il bassista ci ho scambiato due parole, il cantante so chi è ma finisce lì"

"Perché loro ti conoscono"

"Che? E tu che ne sai?" perché sento che non sta per dirmi niente di buono? E perché cazzo ho tenuto il vivavoce? Ormai non posso toglierlo o sembrerebbe che voglio nascondere le cose a Eddie.

"Hanno suonato qui a Boise qualche giorno fa"

"Davvero?"

"Al The Zoo" quelli del management devono aver pensato si trattasse del vero zoo e volevano spedirci Kurt, sicuramente è così.

"E tu ci sei andato? Ma non eri pieno di lavoro?" dopo attimi eterni io riprendo ad allacciarmi gli stivali ed Eddie si chiude finalmente la patta.

"Sai come si dice, Troppo lavoro e niente divertimento..."

"Seh, e poi finisci a rincorrere la tua famiglia con un accetta"

"Appunto. Comunque gran concerto, energia pura! Ho fatto poche foto purtroppo. Il giorno dopo mi sono comprato il disco. Ne hanno fatte anche alcune nuove dall'album che deve ancora uscire"

"E cosa c'entro io in tutto questo?" se ha offerto da bere pure a Dave, giuro che urlo. Che cazzo è? Mio padre ha una specie di radar per i miei ex adesso? E ne deve parlare proprio ora con Eddie in ascolto?

"Oh perché a un certo punto sul palco il cantante ha detto una cosa sul fatto che era la prima volta che suonavano in Idaho e che finora non conoscevano nessuno di queste parti, tranne una ragazza che è proprio della nostra città. E ha detto che dovrà trovare un altro soprannome alla sua amica, ma è stato un discorso veloce e piuttosto criptico, tra un pezzo e l'altro. Tu ne sai niente?"

"Mmm non ne ho la più pallida idea onestamente" Eddie mi guarda e scoppia a ridere, io gli faccio segno di tacere e lui si copre la faccia con le mani.

"Ma sei tu l'amica, no?"

"Non credo proprio," io amica di quello lì?? Piuttosto mi cavo gli occhi a mani nude "chissà di chi parlava, ci sarà altra gente di Boise che si è trasferita a Seattle, non sono così speciale, sai?"

"Per quello ti ho chiesto se li conoscevi..."

"Sì, ma solo di vista e mica sanno di dove sono, non sanno nemmeno come mi chiamo eheh" Eddie si scopre la faccia e fa un verso come per dire Sì, come no!

"Oh va beh, allora è solo una coincidenza"

"Certo che sì"

"Ok, ora ti lascio. Vado alla posta e poi in redazione"

"D'accordo. Ciao e buon lavoro"

"E salutami Meg"

"Va bene"

"E Eddie" Eddie mi guarda ed esplode in un sorriso a cento denti, mentre fa ciao con la manina in direzione del telefono.

"Va- perché Eddie?"

"Così, mi è venuto in mente"

"Fammi indovinare: è la prima foto che ti è capitata davanti, vero?" bene, ora Eddie penserà che a casa mia ci sia un altarino con una sua foto, fiori e candele davanti a cui i miei genitori pregano tutte le mattine.

"Eheh in effetti sì, salutamelo quando lo vedi, è un bravo ragazzo"

"Sarà fatto. Ciao papà"

"Ciao Ray" risponde Eddie non appena ho messo giù.

"Se ti facevi sentire ti uccidevo!"

"La solita esagerata..." vestito di tutto punto, viene a sedersi di fianco a me sul letto.

"Ha! Non ci provare, è tardi e dobbiamo volare all'università"

"Non so di cosa stai parlando, volevo solo prendere questo" tutto strafottente, allunga le mani sotto il letto e tira fuori il suo zaino.

"Certo"

"Sono un bravo ragazzo io"

"Va beh, se il bravo ragazzo è pronto, è ora di andare"

"Ok, andiamo"

*********************************************************************************************************

"Come si dice Posso avere il tuo numero in svizzero?"

"Non esiste lo svizzero, Mike" la ragazza dello staff ha aperto appena la porta dei camerini, giusto il tempo per dirci Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, e quel coglione si è già innamorato.

"Come non esiste? E allora che cazzo di lingua parlano in questo paese?"

"Dove siamo adesso, cioè Zurigo, tedesco" mi limito al concetto chiave, abbiamo un soundcheck da fare e non ho voglia di spiegare al mio bassista il multilinguismo elvetico.

"Ok, come si dice in tedesco?"

"Chiediglielo in inglese, vedrai che ti capiscono lo stesso" Layne si alza e fa cenno a Starr, l'unico seduto, di fare altrettanto e seguirlo.

"Tutto il mondo parla inglese" sentenzia Sean il saggio.

"Dovresti averlo imparato, dopo la figura di merda dell'altra sera a Düsseldorf" Layne apre la porta del camerino ed esce, seguito a ruota da noi, ricordando il simpatico teatrino dell'altro ieri nel quale abbiamo quasi rischiato la vita per colpa di Mike. Un tipico lunedì sera degli Alice in Chains, insomma.

"ANCORA? Sentite, ho fatto un cazzo di commento in un cazzo di bar pieno di gente, pensavo mi aveste sentito a malapena voi, figuriamoci quei tizi!" Mike non ha tutti i torti, in quel bar karaoke c'era un casino assurdo. Non so come cazzo ci siamo finiti, penso che semplicemente fosse la fonte di alcol più vicina sulla strada tra il locale del concerto e il posto dove dormivamo. Eravamo tutti belli pieni quando un tipo in giacca di pelle e occhiali da sole, dopo aver distrutto The show must go on, ci è passato di fianco proprio mentre Mike ne coglieva un'inaspettata somiglianza.

"L'abbiamo pensato tutti che non somigliava per un cazzo a Freddie Mercury, ma ce lo siamo tenuto per noi, anziché urlarlo ai quattro venti!"

"Ma era troppo lui, cazzo! Era Fonzie coi baffi! Che poi, volendo dire, che cazzo ho detto di male? Mica gli ho dato del coglione"

"A dire il vero le parole esatte sono state Quel coglione, più che Freddie Mercury, sembra Fonzie con i baffi ah ah ah"

"Va beh, lui ha sentito solo la seconda parte"

"E meno male, se no lui e i suoi amici ci avrebbero preso a calci fin dentro all'albergo, anziché fermarsi fuori"

Arriviamo sul palco e attacchiamo con le prove senza perderci in altre chiacchiere. Siamo qui per suonare quattro canzoni davanti a un paio di migliaia di persone a cui non frega un cazzo di noi e che non vedono l'ora che ci leviamo dalle palle per potersi godere il concerto dei Megadeth, di cui siamo il gruppo spalla. Ma per noi è vita cazzo, suonare è suonare, basta che ci mettano su un palco e lo facciamo con chiunque e davanti a qualsiasi pubblico. Voglio dire, abbiamo aperto per tutti, dai fottuti Poison a Iggy Pop solo nel giro di un anno. In questo io e Andy eravamo davvero sulla stessa lunghezza d'onda, mi ricordo le nottate passate a fantasticare sui nostri futuri concerti immaginari negli stadi e nei templi del rock. "Madison Square Garden? Ci vado pure con i cazzo di Warrant pur di suonarci!" mi sembra ancora di sentirlo. Quanto cazzo mi manca? Beh, almeno i Megadeth mi piacciono anche se magari io non piaccio né a loro né ai loro fan. Siamo alla quarta data di questo tour europeo e ancora non abbiamo neanche scambiato una parola. Diciamo che non li abbiamo quasi nemmeno visti. E la gente? Beh, se è sono freddini va anche bene, quando va male ci tirano la merda sul palco. Se ci fosse Angie ci suggerirebbe di montare una rete protettiva come nei Blues Brothers... Ecco, meno male che il soundcheck è finito perché mi sta salendo la malinconia e ho bisogno di una birra, cazzo. Usciamo e senza parlare andiamo tutti nella stessa direzione, dritti verso il bar più vicino, sperando non sia karaoke pure questo. Quando vedo una cabina telefonica sull'altro lato della strada però, non posso fare a meno di attivarmi e fare una piccola deviazione.

"Devo... ehm devo fare una telefonata, ci vediamo dopo"

"Non puoi chiamare dalla stanza, scusa?"

"Oh no, Mike, perché il signorino non vuole farsi sentire, mi sembra ovvio!" Sean è già pronto sui blocchi di partenza della presa per il culo del sottoscritto.

"Ma chi devi chiamare? La stessa tipa di ieri?"

"Di ieri e dell'altro ieri..." continua il batterista.

"Ma i fatti vostri, mai?"

"E chi è questa tizia? Non ce lo dici?"

"Layne la conosce, è un'amica di Dem" Kinney è super informato sui fatti, come immaginavo Layne si è trattenuto, ma non fino in fondo e ha lasciato trapelare il minimo. Bene.

"Io coltivo la nobile arte del farsi i cazzi propri, quindi non so un bel niente"

"Bravo Layne!" dò una pacca sulla spalla al mio compare e faccio per allontanarmi di nuovo.

"Bravo un cazzo, noi siamo preoccupati per te!"

"Parla per te, io sono tranquillissimo e voglio solo andare a bere" e anche questo era prevedibile da parte di Sean. Ormai potrei scrivere io le parti di tutti nei nostri dialoghi, li conosco come le mie tasche.

"Non dargli retta, tu sei nostro fratello! Ne sei appena uscito per miracolo, dal disastro con Angie intendo, e adesso vai a rinfognarti in un'ennesima storia seria con un'altra??"

"Chi ti ha detto che è una storia seria?"

"Se vale tre chiamate intercontinentali, per me è seria"

"Ma sì, è una che ha appena conosciuto, è fresca e se la vuole tenere buona, no?"

"Vedo che sapete già tutto quindi non ho altro da aggiungere, ci vediamo dopo" mi allontano tra i versi e i fischi dei miei compari e li vedo procedere trascinandosi verso il bar dall'interno della cabina.

Prendo l'agendina dalla tasca interna della giacca e ovviamente la apro alla prima pagina, alla lettera A. Lo so che dovrei continuare a sfogliare, ma non ce la faccio, è come se mi bloccassi, come se andassi in corto circuito per qualche secondo. Infilo penso l'equivalente del nostro ingaggio di stasera in monete nel telefono e compongo il numero sbagliato di proposito. Che ore saranno adesso? Tipo le 9, le 10 del mattino, magari non è nemmeno a casa.

"Pronto" e invece c'è, cazzo.

"Pronto?" ripete e a quel punto realizzo che non ho parlato, perché in realtà mi sembrava di averle risposto e averle detto che sono io e che sono in una pausa tra soundcheck e concerto e che l'ho chiamata perché, tanto per cambiare, stavo pensando a lei.

"C'è qualcuno o no?" mi sembra di sentirmi mentre le racconto di Fonzie coi baffi, della più che necessaria rete sul palco, di Mike che ieri sera stava per abbordare una che gli ha detto che era al terzo anno di Gymnasium, pensando volesse dire che era una patita della palestra, prima che lo salvassi spiegandogli che era una cazzo di liceale.

"Sei tu?" vado in panico perché mi sono fatto sgamare come un coglione. Dopotutto, chi altri potrebbe chiamarla per poi fare scena muta? Oltretutto dall'estero... Sono proprio uno stronzo.

"Hai bisogno? Ti servono soldi?" a quel punto è come se mi risvegliassi da una specie di ipnosi del cazzo e attacco il telefono di botto. Soldi? Perché Angie dovrebbe pensare che la chiamo per soldi? La riposta è semplice: non mi ha sgamato per niente e pensava fossi qualcun altro. Ma chi? Chi potrebbe chiamarla al mattino chiedendole del denaro? In che razza di casino si è cacciata? Quando esco dalla cabina telefonica mi viene in mente che mi sono dimenticato di chiamare Heather come avevamo concordato, ma dopotutto che importa? I ragazzi pensano che io l'abbia fatto, alla fine è il gesto che conta. Raggiungo la band al bancone del bar con la testa piena di domande.

Le domande mi girano in testa fino al concerto e anche dopo. Alla fine lo show non va per niente male, a parte qualche monetina indolore, il pubblico ha reagito anche bene. Si vede che gli svizzeri sono più educati! E sono stato smentito due volte stasera perché, appena scesi dal palco, siamo stati subito intercettati da David Elleffson e Marty Friedman dei Megadeth che si sono complimentati con noi, confessando che non avevano idea di chi cazzo fossimo prima di sentirci e che secondo loro spacchiamo i culi, anche se il nostro nome non gli suona granché bene. Abbiamo passato la serata tutti insieme a tazzare, fumare e sparare stronzate, loro soprattutto perché a un certo punto Marty ha detto che ci vogliono proporre come band di apertura per il mega tour che faranno con Slayer e Anthrax una volta tornati a casa e secondo me era la droga a parlare. Non che non ce lo meriteremmo, anzi! Boh, io resto a guardare e vediamo che succede, sarebbe una figata, ma non voglio farmi i film per niente, preferisco vivermela giorno per giorno. Ma chi ti chiama per chiederti soldi di prima mattina? Magari è solo un'amica in difficoltà che Angie sta aiutando perché lei deve sempre aiutare tutti? O forse no...

[lilcatdraws]

For the ask game: orchid, abelia, mahonia, camellia, ivy, and aloe vera ☺️💜

orchid ⇢ what’s a song you consider to be perfect?

Oh wow I don’t know if I can answer this 😅 There are lots of songs I consider to be really good but perfect? I don’t know. If it was done perfectly it would have to be sung by either Layne Staley or Chris Cornell. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m biased but those men were absolute legends.

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

I don’t wear jewelry often but one piece I can’t part with is a bracelet I bought at a summer camp when I was seven. I love how it’s made and it’s very nostalgic for me. I’m surprised it’s lasted this long. Another piece I can’t part with was my great grandmother’s red heart necklace that she wore all the time. It has a few jewels missing but that’s okay.

mahonia ⇢ what place, thing, activity inspires you most and how do you express yourself when it does?

I’d say music and other people’s art. It gives me a lot of inspiration. You guys have no idea how many animatics are playing in my head when I listen to music 💀

When ideas come to me, I either make a mental note or if it’s really good I’ll write it down so I don’t forget.

camellia ⇢ what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

When I was a little kid, I was kinda loud, a lot less shy, and spoke my mind. I still do but not as openly. I didn’t start becoming introverted and shy until i was around 11 or 12. I’ve always had anxiety but it didn’t really start getting bad until that time period. And it’s just snowballed from there 🫠

I had a huge imagination back then and I was very creative. I came up with my own stories and made paper “books”. Way before I knew about OCs or fanfiction. Should’ve been a sign I guess.

From the time I was like 9-13 I was so cringe and annoying. I probably got on a lot of people’s nerves lmao. I was a weird kid. I’m still weird but’s a different weird. Idk how to explain it.

I have changed a lot but I still have some of the same interests and hobbies. My personality is definitely different though.

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

My face is definitely a dead giveaway. Like if I’m upset or mad at a situation you can definitely tell. When I’m happy, I get excited and my voice gets higher. When I get embarrassed or flustered, I blush and turn really red, sweat, or stutter. I hate it 😭 When I’m tired, my eyes are droopy and I’ll prop my head up on my arm. I’m usually not in a good mood at all when I’m tired.

I also have a resting bitch face so people usually just assume I’m either mad or sad all the time. Like one time I was just sitting peacefully minding my own business and this random old lady came up to me and said “you don’t have to look so sad all the time” I wanted to deck her 😀 

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

Cleaning and taking care of my own place.

Thank you for the ask! ☺️ Sorry it took so long. I had fun answering!

[pearlnchains]

welcome!

hi! my name is star, she/her, 18+ blog

I'm a huge lover of all things 90s. My favorite bands are Alice In Chains, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Guns n Roses, Mazzy Star and Cocteau Twins.

I love 90s fashion, specifically grunge, the 'Seattle It Girls' Stormy Lee Rollins, Demri Lara Parrott, and basically anything from the decade. I write fanfiction on occasion, see below!

This is a safe space for EVERYONE. you are safe here. My ask box is always open for anything and everything, to chat, rant, gush over bands, talk about anything. you had a bad day and need to rant? Let's go! Wanna gush over layne staley? I'm all ears. Had a great day and need to tell someone? I'd love to hear it. 🤍🌙✨️

ASK HERE

I take requests!

I'll write for:

Jerry Cantrell

Layne Staley

John Frusciante

Eddie Vedder

Slash

I will not write:

noncon, incest, guy x guy, or anything that would be viewed sexually extreme.

[monarchxx]

Getting Married to Layne Staley Would Include...

oh my gosh this guy

layne knew pretty early on in the relationship that he wanted to marry you

like once he knew he loved you and you loved him he became taken for life

for the proposal he wanted to do it privately

because even if he is a musician who plays concerts in large arenas he still isn’t too much of a fan of crowds

and he also doesn’t wanna put you in a uncomfortable position if crowds aren’t your thing either

layne wanted it to be perfect so he went around asking people who were closest to you like your best friend or your mom for their opinion on rings and where he should do it at

he went looking for a ring when he knew you were busy so you couldn’t call to ask where he was or if he wanted to go do something

after he got the ring he figured he should just do it 

so he took you to a national park in washington 

you had been walking for an hour or so when you guys stopped

there was this big arch made of trees and you had wanted to get a picture

when you turned around layne was on one knee

“Will you marry me? If you say no you’ll have to get home on your own” 

you said yes and layne immediately got up and kissed you 

he put the ring on your finger and for the rest of the hike he held onto your left hand so he could feel the ring

marrying him now

you two began planning right away

and it was all you would talk about 

you guys were like little kids talking about going to disney world or something 

you both were constantly throwing out ideas to each other

and the wedding was slowly but surely coming together

the day of the wedding

you both were excited

this was finally it

walking down the aisle and seeing layne so happy made you feel so special

his smile was so big and his eyes were glued to you as if he has never seen something so beautiful before

you had tears in your eyes and a smile on your face when you walked up to layne

he instantly grabbed your hands and held on like this was the last time he would ever see you

you both locked eye contact and would laugh at each other for no specific reason other than the fact that you both are just happy

when the ceremony was over you both walked down the aisle and when you were in private layne kept repeating “i can’t believe i’m married to you”   

for the reception you and layne would keep looking at each other and at times he would give you a wink

there were times where he would be holding your hand and would walk up to groups of people that you both haven’t greeted yet and would say something like “ladies and gentlemen my beautiful bride” and would gesture to you 

all those months of sharing your ideas of what you both thought could’ve just been a dream had finally came to life and it couldn’t have been more perfect

[jarofalicesgrunge]

Love, Hate, Love - Live at the Moore ♡

[stevenssticks]

Welcome to my blog!!!

hello y’all! you can call me P. i’m new to the metal and grunge scene online but have been a fan for a long time! i’m here to make some friends and read and write fanfiction.

I’m not really interested in writing full stories right now but blurbs are cool!!! I’m warming up to this

REQUESTS ARE CURRENTLY OPEN.

🚨🚨i am starting college on Aug 30th!!!! i will not be as active from then on🚨🚨

please see more below abt what i will and will not write.

Who I like:

Steven Adler!!!!!!!! (MY NUMBER ONE MAN), Jason Newsted!!!, Cliff Burton!!!, James Hetfield, Izzy Stradlin, Slash, Kirk Hammett, Dave Mustaine!!!!, Duff Mckagan, Zakk Wylde, Chris Cornell, Eddie Vedder, Layne Staley, Jerry Cantrell, Mike Starr, Nick Menza, Jonathan Davis, Robert Plant, Steve Vai, Dimebag Darrell

What I WILL NOT WRITE

christmas fics, kid fics, pregnancy, x male reader (sorry guys im afab and don’t feel like i would be able to write it well), whips/chains, public sex (no i’m not talking abt some teasing under the table at dinner that’s fine), cnc (consent non consent), ddlg, blood/knives, watersports god no i’m sorry, scat, just a lot of stuff that might be seen as “extreme”

if consent is dubious i will always note ahead of time that both people are willing participants.

[multirockbands]

A Broken Promise

•Layne Staley•

Summary: Layne promises the reader that he would try his best to get clean but the promise is broken one day.

Warnings: Slight smut, Death, Drug Use, fluff, sadness

Pairing: Layne Staley x fem!reader

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

2OO2

“COME ON LAYNE YOU GOTTA STOP THIS!”, you shouted as you saw Layne preparing to inject a full syringe of heroin into his arm he looked up at you with guilt written all over his face, “I-I can’t stop I even tried I’m so sorry” he puts his head in his hands as he starts crying, dropping the syringe onto the floor, you put his head into your chest and run your hands through his hair gently soothing him “it’s ok just please stop this for me please I need you here” you felt a few tears running down your face before looking at him, he was a mess “here let’s clean you up” you went into the bathroom and ran Layne a bath and helped him with his clothes and helped him into the bath and started cleaning his hair as you were Layne looked up at you looking like he was gonna cry again “I’m sorry y/n” you looked down at him grabbing the side of his face gently for him to look back up at you “it’s ok Layne I just need you to stop and I promise I will help you I don’t wanna see you fall apart from this” he slightly smiled at you and kissed your lips gently “what did I do to deserve you” you smiled at him “you deserve everything in the world Staley”, after the bath and Layne getting dressed you went into the closet and saw his stash and flushed it down the toilet Layne saw and had sadness written on his face you looked at him walking over to him to sit next to him “I promise you’ll be ok I’ll help you I won’t leave you here Layne” “I don’t know if I can do it” you grabbed his head and put it on your chest “I’ll be with you Layne” you kissed the top of his head he rose from the position “I love you y/n” he smiled and kissed you deeply you felt a smile on your face as you kissed him back, you pulled away from the kiss for air smiling at him “I love you too Layne Staley” and reconnected your lips with his, you felt Laynes tongue against your lips for entrance which you gladly granted he laid you back and kissed down your neck he put his hand on the other side of your neck pulling you neck closer, he looked at you panting slightly “I’m sorry I hurt you I promise I’ll stop” you smiled at his comment kissing his lips “I hope so Layne I promise to help” he laid his head on your chest listening to your heartbeat “I promise” he said before dozing off into sleep”

*April 5th 2002*

You woke up and gently ran your head through Laynes hair smiling at him as you kissed the top of his head which caused him to wake up smiling, god how you loved his smile “Morning” you laughed “Good morning to you” you gently laid him next to you as you got clothes to shower “Lay with me” he laughed dragging the ‘e’ as he said it you just smiled at him and went into the bathroom running a shower, after your shower you saw Layne on the couch singing to himself, you decided to go to the store for some things and went over to Layne “do you want anything from around the corner” he looked up at you grabbing your hand “I’m ok baby” you smiled at him pecking his lips before walking to the store thinking about Layne ‘will he really stop?’ You kept walking trusting Layne.

*Laynes POV*

I sighed and looked down, ‘I need it’ I got up into the closet looking for my other stash y/n didn’t know about, I looked around until I found the stash “I’m so sorry” I said to myself ‘I promised’ I thought as I put the liquids into the syringe preparing to inject and decided to do another ‘another cant hurt right?’ I injected the other full syringe, after a few minutes I felt cold and sweaty feeling the beads go down my forehead, I started breathing heavily and felt my eyes going into the back of my head before blacking out into eternal darkness ‘what have I done’.

*Y/n POV*

You paid the cashier and started walking back home, you walked up the stairs to the condo grabbing the keys from your pocket and unlocking the door “Layne I’m back” you heard a silence and got worried “Layne?” You walked into the room and found Layne on the bed passed out “LAYNE NO!” You ran over to him trying to get him to wake up “YOU PROMISED LAYNE, YOU PROMISED” you went over to the phone dialing 911, after a while you were crying over Layne and the paramedics arrived and grabbed you off of Layne and did everything they could to help him but was pronounced dead, you broke down and wanted him to come back why couldn’t he come back to have another chance you whispered to yourself crying heavily “you promised”.

*Present*

You looked down at a picture of you and Layne, you really wished he didn’t do this all you wanted to do was help him, he promised he would stop, you had a son and named him after Layne “He wouldn’t want you to be sad mum” he was right, layne would’ve wanted you to live your life without him even though you couldn’t see him, he was always with you no matter what went wrong “your right” you sighed putting the picture with the rest of the pictures with you two “he promised he would stop” you felt your son hug you collapsed in his arms “he loves you for everything that you did for him, he’s keeping you safe mum he loves you after everything that went wrong” you wiped your tears away smiling at your son going for a walk to clear your mind with your only thought ‘What if he did stopped?’.

A/n: this was pretty long let me know what you think and please send requests you have any have a good day!

[rottingspunk]

Masterlist

So some of these links go to my main blog @ozzysbloodbat bc I moved a bunch of stuff over here to help separate a lot of stuff I do so this blog is strictly grunge focused so I moved all my gunrge fics/edits to this one.

Long story short my asks are open request for any person on this list

ᴷᵘʳᵗ ᶜᵒᵇᵃⁱⁿ

ᶠᵃⁿᶠⁱᶜˢ

ᴴᵉʳᵉ ᶜᵒᵐᵉˢ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᴹᵃⁿ

ᴱᵈⁱᵗˢ

ᴮˡᵒⁿᵈⁱᵉ ⁻ ᶜᵘʳʳᵉⁿᵗ ᴶᵒʸˢ

ᴶᵉʳʳʸ ᶜᵃⁿᵗʳᵉˡˡ

ᶠᵃⁿᶠⁱᶜˢ

ᴸᵃʸⁿᵉ ˢᵗᵃˡᵉʸ

ᴰᵒ ʸᵒᵘ ᴴᵉᵃʳ ᵀʰᵃᵗ

ᶠᵃⁿᶠⁱᶜˢ

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 59. Hands, donuts and blind dates

In the previous chapter: Angie casually runs into three girls who show a particular interest for the PJ guys, especially Eddie. Angie satisfies their curiosity, at first only admitting she knows him and then revealing she's his new girlfriend in a blatant manner, that is kissing him right in front of them. She's surprised by her own behaviour and asks Meg for an opinion. Her friend explains she was probably looking for approval from the girls and that a small part of her wanted to brag about being Eddie's girl a little. Later on, after the show, Eddie and Jerry are animatedly talking about sports, Angie sees them and runs to interrupt them, thinking they might be quarreling about her. When she finds out the truth she's perplexed, she can't believe those two can act around each other as if nothing happened. Eddie reveals that they agreed not to talk about her for any reason. Angie convinces Eddie to make a similar agreement with her and avoid talking about Jerry. Eddie accepts but in exchange Angie has to tell him what's her second name. It's Wildwind. After they indulged all night in PDAs around the club so that they could be "caught" by their friends, as they see no reaction whatsoever from the gang, Eddie and Angie finally make an official revelation. When they realize everybody already knew, Eddie's amused, Angie's almost disappointed.

***

“Are they filming inside or outside?" we park outside Miller Community Center, as I get out of the car I notice some barriers at the end of the road and I suspect they must have been put there to delimit the set.

“Outside, I think. I mean, they generally film exterior day scenes first, then you film indoors” Angie shrugs and retrieves from the backseats one of the two boxes I borrowed from the mini mart to carry the insanely large amount of donuts she prepared.

“I believed they were filming interior locations, Stone told me about Cam renting a whole apartment building. He'll take part in a shooting too in the next few days, in a garage or something like that" I do the same with the other box and slam the door shut with my hip, while Angie puts her box on the roof of the car to lock it .

“I guess this is the apartment building he told you about, if multiple scenes are set in this location, they're gonna stay here for a while. Anyway they're shooting the band scene tomorrow, Eddie told me”

“What do you think, are these enough?” I joke as I lift the box slightly, walking on the sidewalk and trying to pay attention to where I'm going despite the bulky box.

“Hahaha oh well, they're not so many after all, if you think about it, there must be something like 40/50 people working on set... a hundred pieces seem ok to me”

“Sorry, I think I didn’t understand right, did you fry a hundred donuts?”

“More or less”

“One hundred??”

“I don't have class until next week, I have a little more free time...”

“During Spring Break people usually go on holiday or get trashed at parties”

“I cook instead, I spend my time in a more productive way, granting myself the access to a true movie set”

“You got a pass hanging on your neck with your name and photo, they'd let you in anyway, even without the goods”

“But the welcome is warmer like this, trust me”

“What did you bring the first time?” I know there was a first time for Angie, with Meg, at the beginning of the week, at Gas Works Park. This time her roommate blew her off, so she came and picked me up at Westlake's at the end of my shift. She basically forced me. I can't see why it's so difficult for her to go alone and empty handed to a movie set she was specifically invited to by the director himself. At worst, they could keep me out but from what I heard, they're not too strict. So what's the problem?

“Focaccia. This time I went with sweets”

We get to the crossroad and, as soon as we turn the corner we're met by a guy from the crew, who nods at Angie first, then at me, and then moves one of the barriers slightly out of the way to let us in. It looks like he already knows my friend.

“Right on time for lunch break!” the guy rubs his hands, while Angie temporarily places her box on a fire hydrant on the side of the street and opens it a little so he can take his donut..

“Take two, there are many” she urges him.

“There are enough to feed the whole of Cleopatra's crew, don't worry” I add, although the guy surely doesn't need any encouragement from me to have seconds. 

“Thank you. Now go, I know Cam's waiting for you!” Richie, that's what's written on his pass, folds the flaps back to close the box and says bye, with his mouth full.

“See? Warm welcome” Angie smiles and after taking a more secure hold on the box, walks up to the actual set, followed by me.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure Grace, shoot”

“Will you come back on set tomorrow?”

“No”

“Why?”

“I can't come here every single day. Ok, Cameron Crowe invited me, but I can't abuse his generosity”

"So why today and not tomorrow?”

“What?”

“Why are we, I mean, you here today and not tomorrow?”

“Why? What difference does it make?” Angie gives me a perplexed look and, as it often occurs, I can't understand if she does it on purpose or if she really doesn't know where I'm getting at.

"Tomorrow the guys are here, today they're not. If you already knew, why didn't you plan to come here tomorrow in the first place?” I've barely seen Stone lately, since they started recording the album and I guess it's the same for Angie. If I were her, I'd have taken the chance to do both.

“'Cause this time tomorrow you're working” she gives me a totally senseless answer.

“What about me? Forget me, you can come here by yourself or with anybody else, I'm.just a random guest, a +1 on the list"

“For that and also because I'm working the opening shift at Roxy's tomorrow morning”

"Well, that's so much better, if you open the restaurant, you'll finish earlier and you'll have all the time to get here" 

“But I'll be fuckin' tired”

“Too tired to visit a movie set? You?” I don't believe you one bit, say it all, darling!

“The sacred fire of art is strong but I gotta take the car and drive up here…"

"Fifteen minutes drive at most"

"After a heavy work shift starting at dawn? No, thanks”

“Not even for Eddie?” I elbow her so slightly not to knock her off balance, far be it from me to make her fall down on the ground, or worse, on her precious donuts.

“What's with Eddie? I don't need a movie set to see him”

“Really? Lucky you! To see Stone I almost have to make a joint written request both to Kelly and Epic”

“Hehe well yeah, they've been kinda busy lately, with the album and all the rest”

“One more reason to show up on set again tomorrow, so you can see him and mix business with pleasure”

"Umph, I'll be honest with you. I can't lie to you, no fun in it, you're not Meg”

“Is it a compliment or...?”

“It is, for both of you”

“Ok, go on then, tell me your truth”

“It's not that I can't do it, it's that I don't want to”

“Haha really? I really didn't get it, you know” 

“I don't wanna be the too attached pain in the ass girlfriend, following his boyfriend around when he's working”

“But you'd be here to also see him and not only for him. First of all you'd be here for your personal professional interest”

“That's the key word: professional. I want to make a good impression, be professional, only professional. This is work, not a picnic”

“Even with focaccia and donuts?”

"Hahaha yes!"

“Nobody in the troupe would think you're here only to tag along your man and mind your own business”

“I would, if it was someone else.” she shrugs as much as she can holding the heavy box “It's like I showed up at London Bridge studios while they're making the record, I'd be out of place”

“I'm pretty sure they'd let you in  if you showed up with these”

“How can you say it? You haven't tasted them yet”

“I can imagine”

In the end I do, once we get to a van with CATERING written on a sheet of printed paper taped on the passenger window. Actually it's just a spot where people can sit to eat their lunch quickly, as an alternative to the sidewalk or the stairs outside the apartment building, other key points chosen by crew members, actors included. I can see Matt Dillon sitting on one of the lowest steps, focused on devouring a sandwich and talking to the director, right beside him. And what better moment than now to go talk to a Hollywood star? And of course Angie has no intentions to do that, she doesn't move from the van and keeps up a long conversation with a girl from the makeup crew. 

"The first day of work basically went by just to create Matt's appearance. He tried so many wigs, we chose the one that gave the most realistic touch but it took ages" she explains talking right about the main character. But why don't we go discuss it directly with the person involved? Huh? No?

“So many… like, how many?”

“120”

“GET OUT OF HERE!” Angie can't believe her ears, I can't believe my eyes as Matt finishes his lunch and stretches his toned arms a little. Stoney, my heart is yours, but beauty is there to be looked at.

“Swear to god. You know these actors, none was ok for him”

“This is ok though. Long, brown, wavy hair... doesn't it remind you of something, Angie? Or should I say, about someone?” I take another look at the handsome actor and hope to push my friend towards those stairs with my intentions. But for now I'm failing miserably. So I get revenge with a subtle remark.

“Yes, Stone. He reminds me a lot of Stone, don't you think? Him or like the haircut of 80% of the guys in Seattle”

“Ha-ha. I was thinking of someone else”

“Our boss at the makeup and costumes team brought us some pictures so that we could get an idea of this Seattle style”

“I'd say you hot it quite right!” Bridget Fonda is smoking a cigarette by herself under a tree a little further away and she's basically my friend Maureen's lookalike: flannel shirt, bowler hat, shorts, her signature outfit. Wait a minute “Matt is really perfect, he even has the same bermuda as Jeff”

“Because they are Jeff's” Angie answers as she pours herself coffee from the flask the girl has just handed to her, together with a plastic cup.

“What?”

“The guy who brought the clothes for Matt? Was his name Jeff?” another young woman asks, as she appears outside the open door of the van before treating herself with a donut. 

“Yeah, he's a friend of ours. Cameron believed Jeff's style is, how can I say it, the most peculiar. Considering they're more or less the same size, Cam asked him if they could borrow his clothes” 

“Hats too?” I laugh up my sleeve as I clean my mouth from the sugar with a napkin. 

“Especially hats!”

"Does Laura know?"

“Haha I have no idea but she definitely needs to know her creations will enter film history” Angie grabs two donuts, puts them on a paper plate and gets out of the van, gesturing for me to follow her. For a minute there I believe I can finally take my pen and notepad out of my bag and get Dillon's autograph. This time I'm prepared unlike that night at the Off Ramp. Anyway it just takes me a few steps down the street to notice the actor left and is not sitting with Crowe anymore. Of course! Angue wouldn't have moved from that van otherwise. 

“Hey, hi Angie, Grace! What have you brought us today? You know you don't have to” the director looks up from a bunch of photocopies of handwritten sheets of squared paper.

“Cream or chocolate?” she hands him the plate and he thinks for a whole.

“Can't we do both?”

“Sure, that was the plan” she gives them to him and sits down on his right, I sit on the opposite side on the same step, as he eats. I steal a glance at the van, the two actors are right in front of it now. Dillon is talking to the wardrobe girl we met before. She gives him a donut and points at us. In that moment Matt waves hi to us and right now I'd strangle Angie with my bare hands. But I don't. Would it seem disrespectful if I left her here and went to socialize with the cast? Maybe just a little bit.

“Oh talking about plans, I've got one too, you know? And it involves you, I really hoped you'd come back these days”

“Involves me? How?”

“Just wait a second” Cameron stands up and walks away munching on his second donut, as my plan to get these fuckin' autographs is still on hold.

“Maybe he has a job for you” I reply to a question Angie asked me silently, only with her confused eyes.

"Yeah, sure, forget it. You need qualifications to work in a film crew, they don't hire random people just because they're friends of friends”

“Oh well, I'm not saying he wants you to be... I don't know... tell me the name of any important high profile position”

“Production manager”

“Right. I'm not saying he wants you for that but maybe for simpler tasks, I don't know, like making coffee, cleaning the set, delivering messages, stuff like that”

“That would be a runner. Even to be a slave you must at least have a BA”

“A BA in caffeine studies?”

“Haha yeah, that can be useful”

Crowe gets out of a trailer parked on the other side of the road, I didn’t even notice he got in there in the first place, and he's carrying a big green ring binder. He starts looking through it as soon as he sits back down between us, flipping through squared handwritten pages, similar to the photocopied ones he had before.

“Where the hell... oh here it is!” the director slaps on the newly found page with his open hand, opens and closes the rings and takes a single page, handing it to Angie. He actually puts it on her knees because she's almost scared to touch it, as if it was some mysterious sacred object.

“What's that?” I crane my neck to see what's written on it. 

“The script of a scene we're filming in a couple of weeks”

“INT. SHOP - DAY. Debbie calmly enters the shop, she's got her portfolio in her hands and walks up toward the young woman behind the counter...” Angie starts reading aloud, then her voice gets lower and lower as she goes on, until she focuses on silently reading to herself. Aw come on, I can't see shit from here!

“Debbie is one of the main characters, she's a career woman looking for Mr Right. Since she can't find him with traditional methods, she turns to a dating agency” Cameron explains the backstory, whereas Angie keeps reading, silently chuckling here and there.

“From Angie's snickering I can assume the scene is not as sad as it seems”

“Haha no, not at all, it's a pretty surreal situation, I’d say tragicomic. All the people who sign up have to make a video in which they introduce themselves and explain what they’re looking for in an ideal partner. So Debbie gets the help of these guys, who create something pretty absurd”

“And you want Angie to film the absurd video tape? Right?” I stand up as I yell my guess and Angie does the same making the script page fall down.

“ARE YOU INSANE?”

“Oh no, hehe, that’s not the plan I had in mind for you” Crowe retrieves the page from the lowest step unperturbed and gestures for us both to sit back down.

“Of course Cam, that goes without saying!” Angie shakes her head.

“My plan is a small role for you: you’ll be the young woman behind the counter”

“WHAT THE HELL?” Angie is about to rest her butt back on the stairs but as Cameron speaks she abruptly springs up as she got her asscheeks burnt on a hot step.

“You’d be perfect!”

“But I... err... Cameron, thank you so much, I’m flattered you thought about me but I don’t think I-”

“Alternative, cool and sarcastic, it’s you!”

“What??? I’m not like… and by the way… I don’t know how to act”

“You don’t have to act, just be yourself ”

“I don’t know how to be myself ”

“Hahahaha Angie, cut the crap and say yes! Are you crazy, that’s a great opportunity!” I scold her as I stretch out my arm behind Cam and shake her by her shoulder.

“I know acting is not your thing but working in a movie production is always a good experience, especially when you write it on your CV”

“That’s some fuckin’ experience, come on, you can’t say no!” I remark and I feel a lot like Meg right now, because I can feel it in my bones that this crazy girl is gonna keep saying no with all her being. And she’ll regret it. So the only thing I can do is shut her up.

“Anyway you don’t have to tell me right now but I need to know it in a week. I have another option for this role”

“Fine, if I were you, I’d go straight with the other option”

“Don’t listen to her, Cameron! She’ll think about it and she’ll let you know” I flash her a nasty look.

“And she’s got so many lines! Brian only says Twenty. Can I be Brian? That’d make more sense, since he’ll be the director of the video tape”

“Hehe yeah, that’d make sense and you’d definitely pull it off. But I already have a person to play Brian and it’s an indisputable option, I’m sorry”

“It’s just my luck, right?”Angie mumbles, right after a guy has passed next to us shouting that the break is over and the crew has to go back to work.

“Well, Tim’s working not far from here, he’s gonna leave his set specifically to make an appearance in the movie for me. That’s why I know exactly when we’re filming that scene” Cam stands up and I do the same, then following him up the stairs.

“Tim?” I ask.

“My friend Tim Burton, he promised me a cameo as a personal favor to a friend. Do you know him?”

“Is he an actor? Forgive my ignorance”

“No problem! No, he’s a director. Have you seen Beetlejuice? Edward Scissorhands?”

“Fuck yeah!”

“He also directed the latest Batman”

“He’s famous! Did you hear that Angie? You’ll meet a famous Hollywood director!” I move my head back and forth to visually get past Cameron and directly address my future movie star friend "And you’ll act with him!” but I can’t frame her “Angie?”

Cameron, lost in his thoughts until now, turns left and then right towards me, then backwards. 

“She’s not here. Where is she?”

“Angie!” I turn around and call for my stupid friend, who thought it was a good idea to just get away at the best moment. Well, that’s so much better, at least she can’t say no “Well, I’ll find her and convince her, don’t worry”

“I don’t want her to think she can’t say no but I believe it’d be nice to have her in the movie. This film is kind of my way to say thank you to this city that welcomed me and took me in immediately. I like the idea of having the people I met and got to know in the movie. And I really think the role is perfect for her”

“We’ll let you know in time. By now I’d just like to know where the hell she is”

“Who are you looking for?” from out of nowhere here is Cornell, on top of the stairs.

“My colleague, who’s also your neighbor. She was here like two minutes ago then she literally disappeared in a blink”

“Angie? Hahaha! As far as I know her, she most likely fell down the stairs, did you check?” Chris snickers as he runs down the stairs. God he loves that story so much! “Uh, donuts!” I hear him cheer one second later..

“Come on Chris, hurry up, we gotta go back shooting” Cameron yells at him.

“Hey hi,” I almost don’t notice Matt Dillon joining us on top of the stairs “your cook friend is fast”

“Hi! Have you seen her?” I greet him, acting nonchalant, as I stick one hand in my bag, searching for my pen and notepad. 

“Yeah, she said she’s waiting for you in the car,” he answers and then turns to the director “and that she had to go because she really had to pee and asked me to tell you bye” 

“Hehe ok, thank you”

“And I guess she had to pee really bad, ‘cause she bumped into me and almost knocked me off”

“Nuh, she does that to everyone, that’s her signature move, don’t feel special!” Chris joins us again after his dose of sugar.

“How much do you love that story, Chris?” Cam shakes his head then calls for the make up artist we met earlier, so she can adjust Cornell’s face sprayed with sugar and chocolate. 

“What story?” Dillon asks and who am I not to satisfy his curiosity?

“Didn’t he tell you? That’s weird but don’t worry, I can fix this right now!”

********************************************************************************

“What do you mean it’s not serious?” Angie walks nervously back and forth, I’m here, in peace, just leaning on my car right outside her place.

“I mean it’s not, kitty” I’m so calm I almost feel guilty.

“Kitty, my ass, I told Matt Dillon I was pissing myself, does it look normal to you? He must think I’m crazy” she throws her cigarette, crashes it under her boot and lights up another one straight away. 

“Why? Actors don’t pee?” I’m still smoking the first one.

“They do but that’s not the point!”

“I don’t think this thing shocked him”

“No, sure, he probably only thought I’m a psycho”

“Come on, at our next guitar lesson I’ll explain to him that my girlfriend is not incontinent and she’s just shy”

“Guitar lesson?” I finally manage to make her stop for a second because I’m almost getting sick from her continuous pacing back and forth.

“Yeah, he needs basic notions to be vaguely credible on set. He asked me for help, no idea why. But I couldn’t say no. After all I’ve got nothing to do lately” yeah, I’m just recording an album, shooting a movie, still working some shifts at the mini market. To be able to see Angie tonight I had to leave the studio and go and pick her up from work at the diner and drive her home. The funny thing is, when we were top secret we had all the time in the world, now that everybody knows we struggle to find scraps of time to spend together.

“Well, maybe you made a good impression. Probably he ignores that you know me”

“He knows”

“He ignores how much you know me” now that she’s calm I manage to take her hand and pull her in a hug.

“Do you want to tell him that too? I thought you were more private”

“Haha fuck you, Ed” she pulls away but I can steal a kiss.

“Uhmm you’re evil though, you know?”

“For saying fuck you? Since when are you so sensitive?” she comes back to me with a smirk and gently puts her arms around my neck . 

“No, it’s not that. Do you think it’s fair, calling me by my intimate nickname right now that we can’t do anything?”

“You are such an asshole!” she tries to push herself away from me but I block her. So she grabs my cigarette from my lips and throws it away to playfully spite me.

“By the way, why can’t we do anything? Why can’t we have this smoke up in your apartment, maybe matched with a nice cup of coffee?” I ask her, stealing her cigarette from her fingers and taking a hit.

“Because I have to wake up extremely early tomorrow. And you too”

“Fine. So why are we still here? Let’s go up to your place, cigarette, coffee, then sleep. What’s the problem?

“The problem is, we’d be doing anything but sleep and you know it” good girl, of course I know, I know that well, that’s exactly why I suggested it.

“I still can’t see the problem”

“Haha the problem is you might be high-performing and productive even without sleeping but I’m not”

“I’m not gonna keep you up all night” I wish I could, I’d say.

"Mm… I’m not so sure about it" she retrieves the cigarette hanging from my lips. And as she slowly inhales she gives me a look that… oh for fuck’s sake.

"Angie… you shouldn’t be doing that though"

"Doing what?" she exhales sideways not to blow smoke straight into my eyes.

"You’re not helping here"

"Why? What did I do?"

"We’re not supposed to do anything but you keep touching me, talking to me, looking at me that way…"

"Haha you’re such an ass!" she pulls away and starts searching for something in her purse. 

"That wasn’t a joke" maybe Angie is finally starting to come to terms with the fact I like her (Jesus) but she doesn’t have the foggiest idea of how she can make a man feel with a glance, a hug or simply the sound of her voice. 

"Ok ok, I’ll keep my distance and talk about something else. What about the recordings of the album? How's it going?" she takes a Kleenex and blows her nose, giving me even more space.

"Good. I think the techs want to kill us. It didn’t take them too long to find out"

"Hahaha why? What did you do?"

"Nothing in particular, they only found out they’re working with fucking perfectionists"

"Oh, you mean they got to know Stone?"

"Haha it’s all of us really, not just Stone. The last three nights, I spent them locked alone in the studio, rehearsing, re-rehearsing, re-writing, and so on…”

"Alone?"

"I was stuck on a couple of tracks, it looked like I couldn’t do them the way I wanted, we wanted. So I had the sound engineer explain to me how to record myself remotely and told him ‘Ok, now just lock me in and you’ll see tomorrow I’ll pull it off’”

"And you did?”

"Sure. Sometimes working your ass off it’s the only way" I did? I think so, I mean, I did with those two songs. I’ve got the rest of the album left to work on. And the rest of me. I mean, I’ve been loosening up a lot at live shows, I’m finding my new identity not only in this band, but also in this scene, in this city. On record though, we gotta be us, we gotta be Pearl Jam, with a finished identity, and I must be finished too. I need to be up to what we created as a band and of course I am the weak link here. Not because I lack skills or talent but because I’m the new guy in a band that already had well defined dynamics. I’m always torn between adapting to them and express what I am. The guys, they’re always reassuring me but… am I stupid if after almost six months I still don’t feel 100% part of the band?

"Not tonight though, right?"

"No, tonight I’ll rest. And I also wanted to see you so bad"

"Hehe did you miss me?"

"You bet"

"But we talk every day!" Angie throws away the second cigarette and puts her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket.. 

"Talking on the phone is not the same as seeing each other in the flesh. And I was exhausted today at lunch, I think we didn’t talk for more than a couple of minutes. By the way, sorry if I ended the call so abruptly, as soon as I hung up I sort of collapsed on the sofa at the studio and napped for an hour before getting back to work"

"I know, Eddie, don’t worry" she comes closer, almost timidly, and pats me on the shoulder.

"Aren’t you mad?" 

"Haha of course not! You’re working, you’re not wasting time"

"And don’t you miss me a little?" I take her hand and kiss her palm and hold it against my cheek. 

"Of course I miss you. But this is your job, this is you. If I get paranoid now that we haven’t seen each other for a week, what will I do once you’re off on tour and out of town for months?" 

"Are you sure it’s not a problem for you?" from the serenity she’s conveying right now, it looks like she’s super sure. More sure than me. I mean, it’s not like I didn’t think about it before, I’ve been thinking about it since forever, at least since I decided that one day my passion would become my job. But I never talked to Angie about it.

"I’m more than sure. I’ll never be the type of annoying girlfriend, stressing you out because you don’t call every day or asking you to choose between her and the music. That just won’t happen" she takes my face in both her hands and shakes me as to make me say No, together with her.

"Ok. Can I call you every day though?" 

"Hahaha you can call me whenever you want" she kisses me and pulls away once more.

“Anyway, it’s not gonna happen immediately, I mean, if everything goes how it’s supposed to go, the record’s gonna be released this summer, end of summer. We’re gonna play some shows here and there but no serious touring before autumn. Until then, we don’t even have to consider the problem basically" I’m saying this to myself rather than Angie, who seems totally fine about the whole thing. 

"There is no problem for me, Eddie, really, don’t worry"

"I’m not worried for you but for me. How can I be apart from my kitty?" 

"Hahaha you’re so stupid!" Angie shakes her head and grabs her keys from her purse, a clear sign that she’s about to leave.

"Great, I open my heart to you and you laugh at me!"

"No my dear, you make fun of me and I give you what you deserve!"

"I’m not making fun of you, that’s the truth! Do you really think I won’t miss you like crazy?"

"You won’t get crazier than now"

"No, but it’s gonna be hard. Uhm, in all senses"

"Hahahahaha and then you say you’re not making fun of me?!”she tries to shove me but I don’t move an inch.

"I’m extremely serious actually. How can I not make love to you for a month?"

“Do like the others do. Groupies exist for a reason, don’t they?" 

"Groupies???" how can she come out with such things out of the blue?

"Hahaha"

"I don’t do groupies!" 

"Well, not yet"

"Not now or any other time, please!"

"Don’t you like the idea?"

"No! I think it’s disgusting and humiliating for women, we’re not Mötley fuckin’ Crue!"

"But what if it’s just a girl who feels free and confident in her sexuality and wants to make her experiences?"

"She can make all the experiences she wants, just not with me"

"Haha you’re really… adamant about this"

"I am"

"No sex with fans then?"

"No. At worst I can go on a date with Rose"

"Rose?"

"Rosie…"

"And who is she?" and for a moment I think I made it, I believe I managed not only to catch her off guard with another joke but also to get that 1% of well hidden jealousy out of her.  But I didn’t.

"You know, my old friend… Rosie… Palms" I barely end the sentence and mimic the concept and Angie’s already slapping me repeatedly on the back of my neck.

"EDDIE!"

"Hahaha why are you so violent?"

"Because you’re gross!"

"Excuse me, kitty. Ow! Groupies are ok and wanks are not? Can you… OUCH… explain!"

"I’m not hitting you for that but for the extremely low level of the joke"

"And we always get to the same point: you think I’m just kidding but I’m super serious” indeed I’m seriously trying to pick on you so you’ll give up and let me into your apartment with you. But it’s not working.

"Sure"

"Anyway, everybody goes on dates with Rosie, you too I bet…"

"Have you seen her this week too?" you’re always so good at swaying away from questions, huh?

"Yes, I have"

"Eddie!" one more fake punch is thrown at me.

"Hehe Eddie what? You asked me!"

"Now I see what you do in the studio all night by yourself, and you call it work!”

"Nuh, I prefer the comfort of a house and a bed. You’re the one fixated on weird locations, kitty" I try to score another point but it comes to nothing.

"Well, talking about bed, it’s getting pretty late, time to call it a night for me"

"Ok" I sigh, defeated.

"Haha don’t make that face" 

"What face?"

"The sad puppy face of someone who’s not getting any tonight" 

"Huh you mean this one?" I fold my arms, open my eyes wide and pull out a protocol pout, thrusting my lower lip out as much as I can.

"Exactly, haha, stop it" she tries to physically undo my pouty face scrunching it with her hands but I resist "Come on!"

At this point I grab her when she least expects it and hold her tight.

"You know I’m just messing with you, right?" I whisper into her ear.

"Sure I know"

"I just wanted to see you ‘cause I missed you, I don’t care about sex"

"I know"

"I mean, I do care, it’s great, but it’s not everything"

"It’s a bonus"

"Yeah, but it’s not like if you’re not giving me the bonus tonight, then I’ll be mad at you or something like that, ok?"

"Message received, don’t think about it"

"Great" I kiss behind her ear, then on her cheek, then on her lips.

"We’ll make up for that soon, I promise"

"No worries"

"I’m not worried. There’s always Rosie anyway” she shrugs and gives me that fucking shit-eating grin of hers. If we didn’t have to behave, I’d have already jumped on her.

"You’re mean, you’re so mean” I push her away but I immediately regret it.

"Good night, Eddie"

"What do you mean good night? I’ll walk you upstairs"

"No way! Nighty night" she gives me a last kiss and walks up to the glass door. 

"Really? D’you still think I’d sneak into your apartment? You don’t trust me, do you?"

"No, I don’t trust. Myself. At all. I’d 99% let you in"

"Huh! For real?"

"Gotta go now"

"Am I so irresistible?"

“GOOD NIGHT!”

"Damn woman! Can’t you just answer?"

"SEE YA!"

"Umph, ok, good night!" but we’re not done yet, you know?

********************************************************************************

I’m breaking a record tonight: half past ten and I’m already in my pjs. Well, actually in my boxers and t-shirt but what I mean is that I’m ready for bed. At half past ten. Never happened before, not even as a kid. I can’t remember. Have I ever been a kid? I think so. I look at my guitar leaned against the wall and I recall one summer night so many years ago. At our old house it was me, my mom and the guy she was dating at the time. She was playing her old Wurlitzer organ, he was accompanying with his guitar. They were jamming although at that time I had no idea what it meant. I can’t remember if there was anybody else, maybe my uncle? But I remember that at some point, maybe because I wasn’t feeling enough at the center of attention at that moment, I ran to my room and took a tennis racket. Then I got back to the living room and started playing air guitar like a fool while they were playing. At the end of a song, the guy asked my mom if I could play. She said no and then he got me over and for the first time in my life I held a guitar in my hands. He taught me some chords and apparently I picked them up easily. It’s always because of him that later on I got my own first guitar. I should be grateful to him, if only I remembered his fuckin’ name…

"Hey Jer, are you alone in there? Can I?" Layne bursts into the room without thinking.

"Yeah. But even if you couldn’t, you got in all the same" he knows I’m alone, I’m always alone, I think he keeps asking only not to humiliate my ego rather than because he really wants to know.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" 

"I stink. Is it a good answer?"

"Demri and I are going out for drinks, do you wanna come with us?" I don’t know what should surprise me more about this. The fact he’s going out with Demri after there was some tension lately? Because he perfectly ignores my joke? Because he feels so sorry for me that he wants to take me with him and his girl. 

"To do what? Third wheeling”

"Fuck you, Jerry, we’re going to Frontier Room for drinks, it’s not a romantic date, you can join us with no worries"

"Yeah, ok, no, I can’t, you know, I was going to sleep"

"To sleep?"

"Yes, see?" I crush the joint in the ashtray on the nightstand, lift my ass from the bed and sneak under the covers.

"So early?"

"Yeh, I wanna be prepared before we leave, you know, starting to get used to the different time zone" we’re going to Europe in a few days, we’ll be touring with Megadeth, and honestly I can’t wait. It’ll be great, regardless of the fact that 99% of the people will be there for them and won’t give a fuck about ut. I don’t care, winning over that 1% is enough for me. I just wanna play and make some noise around. And escape from Seattle and from everything for a while. Right now I really need this.

"Uhm, in Europe it’s like six or seven in the morning, Jerry" since when is Layne a… scientist of … well, time zones expert?

"Exactly. I’m saving some precious sleep time now, considering I’ll lose a lot of sleep in the near future. I always have to explain everything to you!"

"Come on, don’t be antisocial! And Dem wants to say bye to you before you leave" Demri just wants to analyze me, that’s another story. Or she just wants me to meet some friend of hers, as she already tried to- WAIT A MINUTE.

"And who’s gonna be there apart from us three?"

"I don’t know, nobody else, I think" 

"You think"

"I don’t know, maybe we’ll meet someone there, or it’s just the three of us"

"Meeting someone there… like who?" 

"I don’t know, just saying! It’s easy to find people you know down there. They got $1,50 highballs, it’s the favorite haunt for alcoholics and broke-ass musicians, which are the two main categories our friends belong to"  I find no fault in your reasoning, brother, unfortunately you’re a terrible liar.

"So if I go there, we wouldn’t happen to meet some female friend of Demri, right?"

"Well I don’t know, it can be, I mean, who’s not friends with Demri?"

"Layne, please"

"Fuck, she knows everyone"

"Tell me you didn’t set up a double date for me"

"Hahahaha what?? No!"

"Because I’ll get very angry if that’s the case"

"We set up no shit, she’s just called and asked me if I wanted to go to a bar for drinks and to ask you as well, that’s all"

"And doesn’t it make you suspicious?"

“Why?"

"Can you assure me with absolute certainty that if I go with you to this bar, we won’t meet Demri and a friend of hers waiting there for us?"

"Well, not with complete certainty but-"

"Ok, good night hen" I turn off the light and I’m about to get properly into bed.

"God, you’ve become such a pain in the ass! I’m starting to relate to Mike and Sean" Layne steps back and turns the light back on from the switch by the door.

"Fine, why don’t you go to the bar with them?"

"You’re blowing the whole thing out of proportion! What does it cost you to have a couple of drinks and spend like one hour out with a girl???" he snorts and finally gives up.

"HA! SO THERE IS A GIRL, YOU ADMIT IT!" I sit back up on the bed and point the finger of blame at him.

"Ok, yesss, there’s a girl! You were right, are you happy now?"

"Yeah, people usually like being right, you know"

"You don’t have to get engaged, just have a chat. Dem is not stupid, she’s not introducing you to a potential girlfriend now that we’re about to leave for a month"

"Exactly, so why meet her tonight? We’ll discuss it once we’re back" I fluff my pillow, rest my head on it and turn the light off again.

"Come on, Jerry, get dressed and let’s go" he turns the lights on..

"I’m not coming" lights off.

"I already said we’d go, you’ll make me look bad. Come on!" lights on.

"You’re an asshole" I slap my face but I’d rather slap him right now.

"Think about that poor girl who’s waiting and only sees me coming over. What will she do? Third wheeling?"

"But you said that-" and like five minutes ago it was supposed to be a simple night out for drinks without any implications. I get up.

"Come on, up, on your feet! And the girl’s a Scorpio" 

"So what? The fuck does it mean?"

"No idea but Dem said she’s perfect for you. Remember she got it right about you and Angie and said it would end fucking badly. I hoped she was wrong but she’s always right" 

"Thank you, man, I hadn’t been thinking about her for like five minutes" I remark as I put my pants on.

"You’re welcome. Now get dressed, I’ll be waiting for you in the kitchen"

I can’t believe he trapped me so easily. Well, at least I can drown my sorrow in strong cheap alcohol.

"And what’s the chick’s name?" I ask him when he’s already out of the door..

"Heather! She works with her at the shop. She’s pretty, you’ll see"

He knows her then. Of course he does. And it wasn’t all set up, nooooo, not at all.