#least sexually active person on PrEP

[so-much-for-subtlety]

another weekend where I’ve not made out with any hot men or gotten laid 🤷

[goldenchunkycat]

Somnophilia with Neteyam

[Ok not doing a oneshot but here is the somnophilia thing @devilish-mirage and anon]

In aged up!Neteyam’s eyes you're the prettiest woman (after his mother of course). During day time, when he has nothing to do, he would love watching you do your thing. Let it be fishing, dancing, or whatever is your hobby, you're just really pretty when you're doing an activity that you like. Sometimes you get angry at yourself or at other and you frown. Neteyam think you're cute when you do that. But in all honesty? Neteyam could kiss the ground for you.

So imagine when you're sleeping next to him ? So peaceful ? I think that the thought of being comfortable enough to share your bed with him would excites Neteyam. Despite being mean he's a praiser, and I kinda feel like this type of person get sexually arouse from knowing that their other significant is comfortable around them. At least Neteyam does. Anyway. There's night when Neteyam would come back late from the hunt. You would already be sleeping. So the guy would climb on the bed, gush over your cuteness, and then open your legs for him. There's no 50% with the blue boy, it's either 0% or 100%, and he would easily flip from 0 to 100.

Obviously, you guys talked about it before. Lemme tell you that after you had this discussion he fucked you hard. Boy was too excited ♡ He waited some time before doing it because he wanted you to forget about it. Going back to Neteyam fucking you while you're sleeping.

First of all he would be very careful and gentle, he don't wanna wake you up, where's the fun in that ? He would gently remove the cover and stare at your body for a good five minute. He's so infatuated with you. Then he would keep the unnecessary touch to the bare minimum. Just enough fo you to be able to take him but not much so you don't wake up. He would definitely finger you or eat you out first, depends on his mood, but again, he would be very gentle and take it slow. He would absolutely love it if you whimper and moan silently, moving around while trying to be comfortable in the sheets. Sometimes he would stop what he's doing to take a look at your face and he would be even harder - if that's possible - if you're getting hot and bothered. But sometimes he would be relentless and carry on his ministrations because he just want to dip it and then cuddle you. Once you're prep enough he would finally give in and fuck you. Again, it would depend on the day. If he's feeling very horny he would lay you on you back and fuck you missionary because he wants to have a look at your beautiful breast, if he's feeling cuddly he would lay you on the side and take you from behind - big spoon thing you know ? And if he wants to take risks he would lay you on your stomach, grab your hips and thrust into you from behind. No matter what position he put you in, he would come if he hears you call his name while your sleeping. You would be mad and a tiny bit aroused when you wake up because the man just let his cum drip from your hole. In his defense he said that you thighs looked pretty covered in his cum ♡

Small scenario suggested by @devilish-mirage:

When Neteyam and some hunters came back to the cave where his people were spending the night, everyone was sleeping. It was dark outside and, judging by the smell that was remaining in the air, everyone ate and went to sleep.

The hunter made his way towards you, who were sleeping in the depths of the cave, and watched your sleeping form a frown on his face. You both agreed to slip out of the group tonight to indulge your desire for each other somewhere in the forest . You were traveling for a week now, to meet another clan, and during this enormous amont of time nothing happened between you two. Nothing. Not even a blowjob. You even forbid him from making out with you when he tried to take you when the Na'vis were well ahead of you two. He was mad. So why were you sleeping when you finally allowed him to fuck you ?

"No Love, I won't stand for it..." he murmured while crouching down, removing the fur from your sleeping body.

"Neteyam, where did you put the meat ?" a voice murmured a few feet away from them.

"The cave above this one." Neteyam answered softly while he laid you on your back and put the cover over the two of you.

"Which one ?" another voice asked after some time.

Unbothered, the boy kept on taking off your bottoms as he laid his body on top of yours, trying to feel every inches of your skin against his. "Left one."

Eventually, they stopped asking him questions - not that he was bothered by it anyway. Looking at your sleeping face, he smiled and kissed your forehead, intertwining his fingers with yours, the other hand massaging your private part.

"So pretty with your eyes closed..." he murmured, kissing your eyelid. "She really thought that she could go to sleep and leave me like this ?" he laughed quietly, genuinely amused by your forgetfulness.

Slowly, he slipped one finger into your cunt, waiting a moment before adding a second. He worked his way into your pussy, keeping an eye around him. Everyone was still asleep, unaware of the fact that their favorite warrior was fucking his girlfriend while she was sleeping. And you were still asleep too. You flinched, moved, shivered, whimpered, but you never woke up; you were a heavy sleeper.

"Today's hunt was pretty good." someone whispered from a corner of the room. "Neteyam caught a good amount of prey."

"As usual." another boy laughed as he shifted in his cover. "What do you think, Neteyam ?"

"Yeah today was..." Neteyam paused and glanced at your sleeping face as he entered a third finger in your pussy. "Very good."

Your mouth parted and, just-in-time, Neteyam pressed his lips against yours, silencing your moan.

"I can't have you making those pretty sound with everyone around..." Neteyam whispered in your ear, removing his fingers from your vagina. As he was about to turn you on your side, a silhouette loomed over you. Discretely, Neteyam rolled his eyes and after adjusting the cover on you two, turned around towards the person who was disturbing him at this hour of the night.

"You forgot an arrow in the forest, I'll just put it here."

"Sure, thank you." he smiled as he adjusted his position in order to hug you from behind, not caring that the man wad still standing next to you.

"I've never notice it before but your arrows are way more lightweight than ours. What kind of wood did you use ?"

"Oh. Hum. Can we talk about it tomorrow ?" he laughed, looking embarrassed, faking guilt on his face, "I'm just really tired..."

"Yeah sure ! I'll go to sleep too. Good night."

"Good night !"

Neteyam waited for the man to lie down in his bedding and, once no was roaming around the area, turned his attention back to your sweating body. The cave was crowded so the air was thick and hot and Neteyam's ministrations did not help at all.

Carefully, he lifted your head and slipped his arm under it, covering your mouth with his slender fingers. His other hand traveled down your body, gripping and lifting your thigh. He positioned the tip of his cock on your pussy before eventually thrusting slowly. Whenever he was fucking you in your sleep he was always attentive to the sounds you were making and the way your body reacted. He did not wanted to wake you up, if you were sleeping it meant that you were tired. So he thrusted in and out at a slow pace. He was making love to your body.

Due to the slow pace he was fucking you to, he waited a good amount of time until he felt that familiar feeling in his lower belly. He muffled his moans in your hair, gripping your thigh a little harder. He lifted his head and looked at your face - again. You were frowning and pouting, your eyes tightly closed, and he was able to tell that your mouth was agape as puff of air was hitting his palm at irregular intervals. You were so pretty. So he came, silencing his cry by bitting your shoulder. Your upper body moved away from his at the feeling of his little fangs on your skin but you remained peacefully asleep, unaware how Neteyam used your body to get off.

Huffing, Neteyam released your thigh and slide in fingers on your still connected private parts (?), smiling when he felt his cum dripping around the base of his penis. He removed his hand from your mouth and put it in your hair, stroking it in a lazy way as he adjusted his hips and fell asleep, his cock still inside of your pussy.

Masterlist

[magicxc]

Sizes

Pairings: Survey Corps - their dick sizes

Word Count: 857

Warnings: none

A/N: this is so self indulgent, it aint even funny lol. Please enjoy what I think the bois are packing.

Eren - 9.5 inches

Phew I mean, this doesn’t take too much explaining…at least for me. Eren legit had the gall to wipe out 80% of the population so I can only imagine that he has the balls to match. It’s safe to say our boy is all bark and bite cause he’s absolutely backing up whatever the fuck he says. Needless to say, you need to be PREPPED before penetration.

Levi - 6.5

As my personal favorite of the bunch, daddy Levi is absolutely still working with sumn, okay!!! Let's not count our short king out the race. Matter of fact, I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that Levi is giving you THEE best seggs. As fun as size kinks are, let's be real, it hurts before it pleases. And 6.5 is like the perfect length to comfortably kiss your cervix. That stamina? His insomnia? The low, sultriness of his voice? Yeahh, you can kiss a good night's rest goodbye and your pussy will absolutely thank you for it. It’s been said that Levi is one of the best in terms of ODM use because of how quick he is while maneuvering the gear and the way it’s used is by the wearers shifting a lot of their weight to their pelvis for movement. Once again YOUR PUSSY WILL THANK YOU! 

Erwin - 7.5

Though the Commander stands tall above his peers, he has some muscle mass to him and therefore I consider him a girthy fellow. Keep in mind this is the same man who stared down Reiner in his armor titan form, all the while being short one arm. It's been said that the horses that the scouts ride are bred specifically to outrun titans but what they leave out is that Erwins horse is bred specifically to carry balls as heavy as his. Lmfaoo this man is BRAVE, just daring a mf to try some shit. And he absolutely carries that trait into the bedroom as well. 

Connie - 7.5

Connie has always given me goofball vibes. That “huh” ass mf was sorta the comedic relief to the show and it’s like omg you brought dick too?? Funny men be getting me ngl jksjsks. It’s been said that Connie views the Scouts training almost like a summer camp and while he made the top ten his competitive edge doesn’t really set in until he sees someone doing better than him lol. I genuinely don’t think dick size matters to him all that much so when he becomes sexually active and gets so much praise, it’s like ohh wow - new kink unlocked.

Jean - 10 inches

I'm willing to physically debate this lmao. This is probably the only thing he’ll beat Eren in, but I whole heartedly believe that Jean is packing a SCHLONG. He’s always stood above his peers throughout the show and as he ages, it’s more prominent. Tall and skinny men are literally always packing and those pencils wanna write in every book. Mans would absolutely put Mikasa through a mattress if given the chance.

Onyankopon - 8.5 inches

Even though Ony doesn’t get a whole lotta screen time, I can safely assume his length here. This is the same man who fucking DARED Floch to kill him AFTER witnessing him kill a few others for refusing to fall in line. You wanna talk about standing on business? Ohhh Ony’s your man through and through. Mans is always fighting for the greater good and even willing to sacrifice his life for the cause; it’s safe to say you’d bark if he asked you to. 

Reiner - 7.0

Ok hear me out, mans is GIRTHY. And 7 inches isn’t a bad place to be at all. Very rarely do those beefcake ass men have length, but that doesn’t mean they're lacking. In fact, I’ll take it a step further and guess that Reiners smeat curves left. CHANGE MY MIND. Any man strong enough to wield that heavy ass armor titan is absolutely knocking the cobwebs off that pwussy. Needless to say, prep is still a must.

Armin - 7.0

Its certainly the quiet ones that shock you the most. Have you ever interacted with a chill and laid back man? It's definitely a reason for that and Armin is no exception. Although I consider him the least experienced, keep in mind that he is a QUICK learner. Every contort of your face and shift of your body is all the notes he needs to take to properly learn how to work your body over. And soon, you’ll be able to mold him to your perfect sex partner. That, coupled with his sweet attitude and sincere personality; sigh that bitch Annie really struck gold with this one. 

Floch - 8.0

If you look up unhinged in the dictionary, you’d literally find a picture of Floch. Many can make the argument that he may be overcompensating for something, but I di-fucking-gress. Even though he can be a bit off the walls, it truly was for good reason and all in the name of his country and THAT, my friends, is big dick behavior.

[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 4

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary:

Life was good. No, life was great. 

Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. 

Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.

At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); lots of sexual things happening in ‘real land’ and ‘dream land’ in this chapter; anxiety; heavy petting; Jake being an asshole; Reader is incredibly stubborn (like bad…it will probably aggravate you lmao) . . . i probs forgot some, so just lmk what i missed!

Chapter Word Count: 18k+ (i’m very sorry :o)

Covet Masterlist

a/n:

hi, loves :)

i have to tell you, i’ve been waiting to share some of the things that happen in this chapter for a longgg time. i’ve had a few of these scenes written and schemed for a hot damn second haha. they’re some of my personal favs.

i hope you enjoy, lovies!! <333

-🌼🌼🌼-

Chapter 4

You were still reeling from your dream when you decided to get up and get ready for the day. 

You had an open to close shift at the shop today since it was truck day and a week before inventory. You always worked with Josh on truck days. And since you had inventory to prep for, you’d be working together very closely to get things done. 

You weren’t sure how you were going to handle being around Josh all day after your dream about Jake. 

So you’d made the executive decision that as soon as your feet touched the floor, you’d pretend the dream hadn’t happened at all.

-🌼🌼🌼-

As you got ready for the day, you did a great job at pushing down any lingering thought.

You decided you were totally ready to conquer the day when you placed your vanilla cappuccino K-cup in your Keurig. 

A few moments after standing at the coffee machine, you heard keys shuffling in the dish on the counter. You didn’t even acknowledge his presence. You just stared at your coffee trickling into your cup as though your life depended on it. 

You heard the door open for Jake to leave, and you almost breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Hope you had a restful sleep last night, y/n.” 

Almost.

He continued to speak in a way that was much too friendly. “Heard you wake up a little early this morning,” he paused and your skin flushed at what he could be implying. Surely not. “Thin walls, you know.” 

You knew your eyes had slightly bugged at that, but you tried to school your features. 

There was no way he’d heard me say his name as I. . ., you thought. I was so quiet. 

You glanced his way, a stone-cold look set on your features. You weren’t even going to acknowledge what he’d said. 

“Have a good day, Jake,” you’d said firmly. You wanted him to know you were done with whatever conversation this could easily become. 

He smirked and winked at you, and you instantly looked back to the Keurig. You felt your ears and cheeks heat. 

And when he closed the door, you finally breathed and decided for the second time that day that you were not giving him any more thought.

-🌼🌼🌼-

A couple weeks later. . .

You kept catching yourself thinking about the twins and their recent activities. Why Jake would leave as soon as he’d get home, why Josh never worked evenings anymore. . . You didn’t know why your curiosity was killing you, but it was. Something was off. And whatever was going on, you were dying to know. It all had to be connected. Your mind had been running especially wild since that day recently where Josh had picked Jake up. It wouldn’t have seemed strange if Jake hadn’t been leaving that night, just like all of the other nights: guitars in tow. 

You’d also had the occasional (unwelcome) thought of your dream with Jake. 

The one where he’d been laying between your legs, his mouth doing everything so perfectly right. It had only been one week since your subconscious had betrayed you completely with whatever that had been, and you were really trying to act as though it hadn’t happened at all. 

“You know the career that Jake had to give up?” 

You blinked a few times to register that Josh was talking. And about Jake, no less.

You had both been in your own little worlds of thought today. Tomorrow would begin your scheduled inventory at the B&G. Because of that, the past week had required a lot of time and meticulous work to prepare for it. The few times you had spoken to each other today had been in passing, exclusively about the vinyl in stock. 

“What?” You asked, completely oblivious to where this conversation was heading. 

All day, your thoughts had only been consumed with the records. You’d had a one track mind to get everything wrapped up before close. You had to.

You looked to the clock, realizing closing time was drawing near. You surveyed the store, forgetting Josh had spoken at all for a brief moment. You liked getting the store set up extremely well anytime there was inventory. You wanted to solidify that it was ready to go before any conversation happened. 

“You think we’re about ready for the big guys tomorrow?” You asked him this as your eyes still scanned the store. You were answering your own question as you did. You had to admit, everything looked pretty damn good. 

Josh walked around the store, checking everything one final time. “Looks like we’re all set and ready to roll!” 

You nodded in agreement, and saw that closing time was about ten minutes away. You had a few minutes to hear whatever Josh was talking about.

You went and leaned against the front of the cash register counter, crossing your arms across your chest. “What were you saying again, Joshy?” 

“Jake’s dream,” you looked to see your friend coming up from checking the last record aisle. He leaned against the wooden display next to the check-out counter. “Y’know, the one he’s always wanted to pursue, but was forced to give up,” he continued. “The one I didn’t want to tell you about because it wasn’t my own,” you nodded, remembering. “Well, lately . . .it’s become my life,” he sighed loudly. “And I’ve decided I have to talk to you about it.”

You nodded again, and re-folded a B&G t-shirt to keep yourself busy. Then, it all clicked in your head. Your tired brain caught up to what this could be. 

Your ears perked up, looking up to catch his eyes again as yours got huge. “If this has become your life. . . Does it happen to be the same thing that you’ve been hiding from me?!”

He rolled his eyes, but then grinned at you. “Yes, y/n. It’s what I’ve been ‘hiding’,” he’d used air quotes, jesting at you. “Miss Dramatic, you.”

You knew you’d been giving the situation way too much thought. You just hadn’t been able to help your wandering thoughts. Josh had been working completely different shifts than the whole time he’d worked with you, and Jake was always gone. 

Not that you really noticed when Jake was home, anyway; it didn’t matter to you. 

But still.

“So. . . What’s going on?” You prompted.

He glanced down momentarily, then connected eyes with you. “We’re forming a band,” he started. 

You let every piece connect in your head, but one thing didn’t line up.

“Well, it makes sense with Jake’s guitars. Always going out the door with him after work, but I—you. . .,” You shook your head to yourself. “You don’t play an instrument, do you?” 

He gave a cheesy grin. “I play the vocals,” he lightly tapped an open palm to both sides of his throat to emphasize it. 

Your eyes widened more than they had before. “You sing?!” 

“Yeah. I actually have since high school,” he looked off into space, squinting. “I’ve recently found that it’s matured a lot since then, though.”

“Wow. Honestly, I’m a little shocked. I mean, I knew you loved music, but a singer?” You were still trying to grasp that, apparently, your best friend had this hidden talent. “Now I need to hear it,” you leveled him with a stare, straight into his eyes. A grin grew on your lips. “Sing for me.”

He shook his head, “Oh, no. . .,” He breathed out, brushing a hand through his hair. “You’ll just have to come to a gig.”

“A gig?” 

He chuckled at that. “Yeah, you know, places bands go to perform for others? Show what they’ve got to make it to the top,” he rubbed his chin. It had always been funny to you how often Josh seemed to magically transform into a man 50 years his senior. “We sent in a few clips of us performing to this place here in Brooklyn, and they booked us practically on the spot.”

You rolled your eyes. “I know what a gig is, Joshua. But I’m just — already? You’ve only been practicing for a couple of weeks.”

“This has been coming for years, y/n,” he said. “We used to spend every weeknight for years just playing and practicing and fighting over all of it in-between to make sure it was perfect,” he outwardly cringed at that. “We truly would practice all the time. It was our way of life for a long, long time,” he explained some more. “And on the weekends, we’d take a break from practicing and play for birthday parties or at little bars on the outskirts of our hometown.” 

“How did you get a gig here?” You genuinely wanted to know how they got hooked up in this giant-ass city. “People in New York surely aren’t as accepting of a little band from a small town as people had been in Frankenmuth. You were already from there, so of course it was probably easy to get places to perform. But New York? I mean. . .,” you blew out a big breath. 

“Danny’s dad knows a guy who knows a guy who's a partial owner of a few bars in Brooklyn,” you couldn’t help but tell that he looked disheartened. “I mean, the music we make isn’t half bad, y/n. I’m sure somewhere would have taken a chance on a few decent musicians. We’re not amazing, but we aren’t shit by any means. It wouldn’t have been impossible.”

Even though you really hadn’t meant to offend, he looked obviously hurt.

You realized just how rude you’d probably sounded. On occasion, you would talk before you really thought something through. It wasn’t your shining trait. 

You slapped your forehead, “God, Josh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole. I could’ve worded it much better,” you continued. “I am honestly so excited for you. It’s really fuckin’ cool,” you looked around you, feeling anxiety continue to blossom. You wanted to get past sounding like a jerk. “Sooo, you already have a gig lined up or you’re waiting to hear back about one?”

“Have one lined up. Next weekend,” he explained, his voice still slightly tight. “It’s at a place called Baby’s All Right. It’s on Broadway. The Broadway that’s here in Brooklyn.”

“That’s amazing,” you wanted him to realize just how happy you truly were for him and his brothers. “When is it? I’ll totally be there,” you wanted him to look at you. But, he was peering down at his sandaled feet, seeming too concentrated to only be looking at a pair of sandals. “I’ll probably see if Elsie can drop by for a night, too. She’ll probably be able to come since it’s on a weekend.” 

He lightened at that. He shook his shoulders a bit, showing you that he was releasing some tension. Josh wasn’t one to hold a grudge or stay upset for any reason for too long. Though, he was one to get hurt pretty easily. He wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Oh, that would be cool,” he said in response to your idea, finally locking eyes with you. He was trying to play it off–the idea of Elsie being there. But you knew he’d probably die if she were there. “It’s actually happening next Saturday, if you wanna tell her.”

“Perfect. I’ll talk to her about it ASAP,” you glanced at the clock. Seeing what time it was, you went about gathering your stuff to leave and shut the store down. 

“What if you get, like, super famous?” A smile stretched across your face at the thought. You silently released some of your own tension as you moved about. You wanted to live in this moment with your best friend, share in the joy of possibility. 

“I don’t know about that,” Josh shook his head, clicking lights off. “That would be great, but we really are just starting out. Who even knows how long a journey like that could begin to take.”

You hummed. “Well, that’s the fun in it, Josh,” you reached a hand out and squeezed his shoulder, meeting up with him. “You have all the time in the world to see where this journey might take you. You have no idea what could be coming.”

“Life is all about the journey,” he agreed. “I’m just glad Jake came back to us so we could take this chance–explore this venture together. Wouldn’t have done it without my twin brother.”

“So it really was his whole idea to begin with?”

Josh’s eyebrows knitted and he nodded. “Oh, yes,” he enthused. “He started playing guitar so young that, to him, making music seemed like the only option for a career in life. He’s always wanted his whole life to be one dedicated to music. Y’know, loving it enough to make more for the world–share it with others. . .his mind is a very intricate place.” 

His voice softened as he continued to speak of his other half, pocketing his phone and heading for the door. You followed close behind. “Jake is the kind of person who thinks primarily about big things. His passionate nature for all of it– it’s what drives us. We wouldn’t have ever started or become even halfway good without him. He had the vision,” he snickered. “But, he and I argued and fought many-a-time over whose vision was better,” he chortled at that. “Danny and Sam would try to get us to stop. Those situations usually ended with me storming out, and Jake having to sing in my place. I’ve always had a flair for the dramatics.”

You smirked at the last line. “Of course you have. I don’t doubt it for a second.” You thought of the other thing he said. “Jake can sing?”

“He’s a Jack of all trades.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

The weather that night was warm and muggy. You could even feel your hair beginning to frizz due to the few minute walk to your vehicle. 

You unlocked your car, which was parked right next to Josh’s beat-up clunker. Then, you remembered you hadn’t asked an important detail. 

“Oh, what’s the time of the show?” You reached in your purse to get your phone out, ready to make an event in your calendar. It’s not like you’d forget. This had all been huge news to you. It just seemed exciting to schedule this. You really couldn’t wait to hear their music and see your friends (and Jake) perform. You really had very little idea what to expect.

“7:00. And you’ll come?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you walked over to him and wrapped him up in a hug. He squeezed you right back, which made you release one more breath you’d been holding in. You adored your best friend and his passionate nature. It was one thing that made him shine—made him Josh. 

And you never wanted to be one to dim that.

-🌼🌼🌼-

On the drive home, you contemplated everything Josh had told you.

The guys were in a band. A band apparently good enough to play at a fairly popular bar on a Saturday night. That was a pretty big deal.

Something was burning in the back of your mind though. 

Why had you reacted normally to finding out Josh could sing, but gotten so angry when you found out about Jake playing the guitar? You’d known Josh for longer, you should’ve been more upset that he was just now telling you of his secret. 

Jake and talents, they didn’t matter. 

The only thing he was to you was your roommate. A guy you didn’t really know at all. You shouldn’t give a shit about what he does. Josh was your best friend. He obviously mattered so much more to you. 

You scrunched your eyebrows together at all of it. You rubbed a couple fingers between them at a red light you came to, trying to ease the stress of your thought process. When the light turned green, your mind was still running.

Really, why didn’t your irritation rise when you found out Josh’d been hiding his gift? What Jake does or doesn’t do shouldn’t matter to you in the slightest.

As you pulled into the apartment complex, you went ahead and convinced yourself that it had been the alcohol’s fault. It had obviously heightened your emotions on game night. So when you’d found out about Jake hiding something, you’d flared up. That made sense. Only logical explanation.

Tensions had already been high that evening, so surely that’s the only reason it had bothered you so badly. Right?

-🌼🌼🌼-

When you walked through the door to your home that night, the first thing you heard was the shower running. 

You tried to make yourself believe that you were totally put out that Jake was home and not gone. But it actually felt a little nice to not have him gone.

Though, you didn’t want to chance running into a wet Jake. You were still trying to get over the feeling of his wet hair that had laid against your bare skin in your dream. 

Stevie purred as you quickly set food in her dish. Before you went to change out of your work clothes, you decided to prepare things to make pasta for yourself. You got the elbow noodles out, as well as the ingredients to make some sauce to go on top, and set water in a pot to begin boiling on the stove. 

You were busting your ass to get dinner started and wait in your room for Jake to be done and go to his room. Because, really, bumping into wet Jake was the last thing you needed. 

You speed-walked to the washer in the laundry room and stripped your clothing at a lightning-fast pace. You placed your clothes in the machine and rummaged through your hamper to see what else needed thrown in. 

The shower continued to go as you piled your laundry in, the quickest you ever had.

You blanched for a second at being naked right outside the bathroom door Jake was behind. But you were still trying to get used to the pattern of sharing laundry days with him. 

Due to sharing days, you were so backed up on laundry. You wanted to try to get ahead while you had the chance – even if it meant being almost-totally-naked right outside the door of the bathroom. 

Before, you and Elsie had always combined laundry since you shared clothes with each other anyway. So this was totally new to you.

Once the washer had started, you walked swiftly to your bedroom. As you went about looking for comfy clothes in your dresser, you came up empty on finding anything. For a few seconds, your brain pondered where in the hell all of your clothes were. Inventory week was the longest, and your brain was wiped. 

Once you realized where all your clothes had gone, you moaned to yourself and slapped a hand to your forehead for the second time that day. They were still in the dryer from this morning’s laundry load. Instantly, you were completely and utterly aggravated that you were so behind on laundry. Inventory had been a factor in you being behind on laundry that week. It’d been keeping you particularly busy for the past week. 

But, of course, having to share the washing machine and dryer with fucking Jake… He was the main reason you were so behind. It was his fault. 

When you heard the shower click off, your blood rushed to your ears. You panicked. Fuck. Literally all of your good comfy pants and shorts were awaiting you in the dryer. 

You tried to strategize your next course of action. You didn’t have much time, so you could only think of one solution on the spot. You decided you could make it to the dryer before he got out– if you booked it. 

You rushed out of your bedroom, almost tripping over your cat. Thankfully, he still wasn’t out when you got to the closet that held the washer and dryer at the end of the hallway. You silently thanked God. The giant load of lights made it extremely hard to locate a specific T-shirt and the gray sweat-shorts you were on a mission to find.

Then, all of your worst fears came to life. 

You were still crouched over, thong-clad ass up in the air, when you heard the bathroom door creak open. The steam from the heated bathroom washed over your bare ass. 

You couldn’t move. You felt goosebumps rise on your skin. You didn’t try to move or hide, even when you heard Jake’s frustratingly sexy, raspy voice.

“Ho-ly fuck.”

Without any control over your body, you felt your panties get a little wet at the sound of his voice and his words. It was a lot to hear with you in this position. 

He could see quite literally every piece of your ass, you knew it. Your skin heated in a way you couldn’t deny. 

Were you that sexually depraved? Had it been so long since you’d had sex that you got wet at the sound of his voice? Was that the reason your dreams had only been haunted by his tanned and toned body as of late? 

You finally grabbed a random shirt and the stupid gray shorts that you were so stubbornly stuck on finding (for no reason at all, really). And then, you quietly shut the door to the dryer. . . as if that would help the situation at all. 

You cursed yourself for thinking of this ludicrous idea. Why couldn’t you have just waited his shower out? Why did you have to make it a mission to race time? You’d definitely had better ideas. 

You slipped the T-shirt on to hide your chest that had only been covered by a pink bra covered in tiny strawberries. But you weren’t about to embarrass yourself by doing an awkward little dance to put your shorts on. You know, the same dance every girl seemed to do when putting a pair of bottoms on. He didn’t need one more thing to mock you for. 

Especially in this predicament. 

You held the shorts tightly to your stomach, and for some reason, before you turned on your heel, you didn’t ask him to look away. 

No, instead, when you turned around and saw that he was biting his fucking lip while simultaneously settling his eyes on your thighs. . . . . 

You sort of reveled in it. 

He was staring at you so intently, you decided you’d do it right back. 

And if you were being honest with yourself, you would gladly take any opportunity to look at Jake. 

A few tendrils of his brown hair came to rest just at the tops of his collarbones, sopping wet and dripping water down the chest that always looked so smooth. His skin continued to tan from the summer sun, making it a warm caramel. Continuing to admire him, you trailed your eyes down. You noticed how the muscles at his hips accentuated his form just right. 

Your eyes fell slightly lower, and the material of the white towel was thin enough, you could have sworn you saw a slight twitch underneath it, between his legs. 

It made you flick your eyes back up to his face. 

You watched as he went from letting his eyes unabashedly explore your figure, to then letting his gaze lock with your own. 

Fuck, if he wasn’t beautiful as hell. 

Your mouth went dry at the way his eyes bore into your own. You might as well have been bare ass naked – you felt completely taken under his darkened gaze. Your skin grew goosebumps again, except this time it wasn’t for a change in temperature. It was for a completely new reason. You sucked in a breath. He watched closely as your chest rose with the breath. 

You couldn’t take the heat that overtook your body. You were starting to feel nauseous at how hot your body was getting. And your underwear was getting uncomfortable. You felt more of your damp arousal gathering, hopefully still hidden by the material. . .  for now. You needed to stop this before it was any more obvious what was happening to you, though. The light gray material would surely start showing how you felt if you didn’t shut this down. You held the shorts over your crotch.

You looked down at your feet, as not to get distracted by him. “Turn around, Jacob.” You tried to keep your tone sharp, but you couldn’t help it when it wavered just a little bit.

“Yes ma’am.”

The way he said those words made your head spin. 

You glanced up and saw that he’d swiveled around, the velvety skin of his back was the first thing your eyes went to.

Surprisingly, he didn’t stay there and taunt you like you expected. As soon as he’d turned, he continued on to his bedroom, letting his hands move languidly next to his hips, just walking away like nothing had happened at all. 

You couldn’t help but watch the way he walked to his bedroom. It sat all the way at the end of the hall, giving your eyes ample time to sweep over the details of the backside of him. You could see the curve of his muscle underneath the tanned skin of his back. The waves of his hair stuck to the top of his shoulder blades, water droplets still dripping, wetting his skin.

You let your eyes avert downward, to the white towel that was hiding the ass that you just now realized was perfectly round. 

It was truly too much. Everything about the man was irresistible.

Why did he have to walk so damn slowly?! 

He finally got to his bedroom and shut the door softly behind him. The sound of the door should have shaken you from your reverie, but you kept staring at it for a bit. There was a part of you that was waiting on him to come back for more. 

Suddenly, you startled at the sound of water sizzling as it hit the burner, boiling over. 

You let the thoughts of him fall out of your head. You put the shorts on and almost tripped on a leg-hole as you did the little dance you knew you’d have to do to get your shorts over the curve of your ass. 

Stupid Jake Kiszka. Stupid gray shorts. Stupid plan. Stupid laundry. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Later, you were sitting on your couch watching New Girl when you started wondering about your roommate. He hadn’t made a move to come out of his room since your run-in in the hallway, and now you were on edge. 

It had been a while. Long enough for you to finish dinner and watch a full episode of the show.

Your mind ran rampant. Had he gone to bed? Was he avoiding you? Had he actually been repulsed by your appearance after seeing you almost naked? He had followed your instructions to turn around rather quickly. Too quickly? Had you read the situation completely wrong? 

You’d be lying if you said it didn’t embarrass you to think of how you may have misinterpreted things with him in the hallway. 

You were irritated because you’d mentally established at the beginning that it was incredibly rude of him to avoid you in your own home.

But why did any of it matter at all? Ugh. 

You should’ve been happy that he was deciding to keep to himself. Him not being present was actually offering you some time to try and forget the hallway situation. You sighed to yourself as you focused hard on watching Schmidt say something to earn him a trip to the Douchebag Jar. You didn’t want to focus on Jake-related things.

Though, it seemed as soon as you’d decided that, Jake actually meandered in. 

You didn’t watch him for long. You just kept doing what you were doing. He would go away eventually and you would be alone again. 

That was what you wanted, right?

But then, he sat down on the other end of the couch. Butterflies filled your stomach at the proximity. 

You set your pasta bowl in your lap and peered up at him.

“Nice of you to join the class.”

His mouth turned up in a little grin at that. “You sure do miss me when I’m away, huh?”

You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to admit to the possibility that you might actually miss his presence a little from time to time. Why, though? He didn’t mean anything to you. You’d barely interacted with each other. And any time you did, he always got under your skin. 

He hummed to himself, and you couldn’t help it when you watched him spread his legs a little. He sat one hand on his plaid-pajama-panted thigh, and observed the screen for a couple of beats. Then he said, “You like New Girl?”

It stunned you just the slightest bit that he was making small talk with you, but you rolled with it, peeking over to him. “It’s my go-to.”

“It’s a favorite of mine as well.”

Shockingly, he stayed in his spot for an entire episode.

And when you got up to go put your bowl in the sink, you noticed that his eyes followed you to the kitchen. When he grasped that you’d seen him looking, he quickly turned his stare back to the television.

“Hey, are you hungry?” You asked him, once you’d put your dish away. 

You were completely unaware of why you were asking. Why were you trying to possibly get him to spend more time with you? This entire night had been weird. You weren’t sure how to handle it.

“I actually already ate out with a client before I got home,” he said it loud enough that you could hear his response from the kitchen.

Your stomach fell a little at that. “Oh, alright,” you called back. As you put your food away, you caught yourself wondering if the dinner with a client had been more like a date than something professional. You didn’t know why your mind went there.

For two more episodes, you sat at your end and he sat at his. You’d noticed that you seemed to laugh at the same exact moments as each other. And his laugh. . . it was something so enticing to your ears. You couldn’t explain it. You felt your stomach flip just the slightest bit anytime you heard the sound.

It did something good for you to know you had a similar-enough sense of humor to laugh at the same time. Maybe Josh had been right when he’d told Jake that first night that you two were alike. 

You shared an appreciation for similar types of music; you both enjoyed the act of bonding over music; you were both slightly stubborn (him more so, of course); and you both shared an appreciation for New Girl’s comedic relief. And that stood out because you had learned over time that the TV show wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But it was definitely Jake’s. 

Strange.

You lost yourself in thought for a bit, but couldn’t help it when Winston said something that was funny enough to pull you back in. You gave a little giggle at the scene.

And, of course, as you laughed, Jake had done just the same.

-🌼🌼🌼-

It felt slightly awkward going to bed. Standing in a hallway that seemed to be wrought with tension after the night’s stand-off and last week’s whatever-that-had-been just outside your bedroom door. 

You stopped at your door, and when he saw you do it, he stopped caddy-corner from you at his own door. You cleared your throat.

“So, Josh told me about the gig next weekend,” you paused. It hung there in the air. You didn’t know what else to say, other than that. 

But he seemed to appreciate the start in conversation because he hummed and gave a friendly smile that brightened his whole face. His eyes twinkled at you when he said, “It’s exciting. I’m excited.”

You gave him your own little grin. And, his eyes had seemed to light up a bit more when you smiled back, but you didn’t give it a thought. It was late. He was probably tired. It was very possible you had imagined the change in his expression because you were so tired.

“I’m excited for you, too.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

A couple days later that same week, in passing, he mentioned your cat. He was leaving the apartment to do (what you now knew to be) band-related things. 

“Stevie.”

“Why do you want my kitty cat?” You wondered. He smirked at the question, surely thinking something suggestive and you just said, “Shut the hell up. You know what I meant.”

“I don’t need her,” he kept smiling, probably still thinking of the little joke in his head. He clutched the door handle to leave, looking down. You couldn’t handle how cute he looked, his sunglasses covering his eyes. “Just—is she named after Ray Vaughan?”

“No. Stevie Wonder,” you corrected. “Why?” 

“Oh my fucking God—.”

“He’s one of my biggest inspirations. I had to—.”

“Would’ve been better,” he interrupted, flashing his eyes at you. “If you would have named her after Stevie Ray Vaughan.”

“I don’t love him like I love Stevie Wonder,” you defended. 

“Your fuckin’ loss.”

He opened the door, about to walk out. You weren’t done, though.

“Not your place. Not your cat,” you glared at him, your irritation simmering right below the surface. “Keep your ridiculous opinions to yourself.”

He stopped at that. “Now I’m not allowed to share my opinions?” He raised a brow. “You just love to be a tyrant. Let’s make a new rule,” he put a hand in the air like he was displaying his next words, the other one still holding tight to a guitar case. “‘You can’t have an opinion unless you’re y/n.’”

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” You guffawed. You watched his fingers flex around the handle of his case. You moved to stand close enough to point a finger into his chest. “And, excuse me, sir, but you’re the ‘tyrant’ that leaves the dumbass, asshole sticky notes!” 

“Wait,” he put one arm out, holding the door ajar, angling his head to eye you over the top of his glasses. “Are you calling me a dumbass, asshole, and sir?”

You flushed at the insinuation you knew he was implying by highlighting the term ‘sir.’ You probably should’ve thought it through before calling him that. “No, just an asshole.”

“You said dumbass, too,” he pushed his glasses down his nose, just enough to get a good look over them at you. His eyes sparkled mischievously at you. “And I definitely remember you saying sir.”

His burgundy T-shirt had risen up when he’d put his hand on the door, showing a portion of his toned, tan stomach. You had to glimpse it, but you didn’t keep your eyes there for long. You got back to the topic at hand.

“You know what I meant. Quit it,” you leered at him, trying to ignore the way he was looking at you. “And quit leaving the damn sticky notes. I’m tired of it.”

-🌼🌼🌼-

Another evening, you and Jake were both at home, and out of nowhere, he’d come out of his bedroom, and plopped onto the couch.

You’d already been there, reading a book, snuggled in a blanket with Stevie on your lap. “No practice?” you’d inquired, just barely looking up from the steamy page you were on in your romance novel.

He’d responded. “Hm mm,” and then asked, “Pizza?” 

And what should have been a calm conversation about ordering pizza actually ended in a full-blown argument about whether or not pineapple should go on pizza. 

Where the banter was usually a playful one between (normal) people, it ended with you seething on the couch over Jake’s stubbornness while he slammed the door to go grab the pizza.

-🌼🌼🌼-

When Jake came back, he begrudgingly asked you how many pieces you wanted.

You sassed your response back, and then he’d come into the living room carrying the pieces for you on a plate.

He’d sat down to eat with you, and you’d watched New Girl together.

It was odd how it felt so natural. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Wednesday night, you watched New Girl together for like the fifth time. Jake had only sat at the far end of the couch that first night with the hallway incident. Every time since, he’d kept edging closer. Him moving down the couch had been gradual, but the closer he got, the butterflies would uncontrollably buzz in your tummy. 

On Wednesday, he’d been the closest so far, sitting on the middle cushion. He was right next to you.

He was so close to you that if you leaned just a bit to the right, you could touch his shoulder with your own. He kept his hands to himself, though, crossing his legs at the knee and his arms at his chest. You could smell the wonderful scent of his sandalwood-scented cologne. It made your head dizzy in the best way. As of late, you’d learned that Jake smelled absolutely amazing. 

As Schmidt irrationally yelled at his roommates for getting on his last nerve, you heard Jake snicker at him, and then clear his throat. You looked over at him and instinctively turned down the TV a couple notches. 

He’d done it a few times while watching the show. You found that every time he cleared his throat, he was about to make a comment about an episode to (seemingly) try a bit of small talk. You were not used to the small talk. It made you feel all jittery when it happened.

You were expecting a comment about Schmidt when he surprised you by sucking in a breath through his teeth and saying, “Only a few days. I can’t believe it, honestly,” he started. “I don’t know if Josh told you, but the guy who owns the place we’re performing at this weekend owns a few more popular bars. And  he told us if he thinks we’re good, he’ll set us up with another place of his for next weekend,” you saw him shake his head and scratch lightly at his forehead with his thumb. 

It was a little strange to you that he was talking to you about his own show, rather than the television show, but you were glad about it. He might’ve had moments of being nothing more than an irritant in your life, but you really did enjoy talking to him. It made you get this rush that started from your ears, and moved all the way down to your belly button. And the gig, in particular, was something he was obviously anxious to talk to someone about. And he’d chosen to talk about it with you. He wanted you to know about this thing that was big for him.

You scooted into the corner of the couch, just enough to turn to look at him. You tucked your feet up under you. “That would be incredible, Jake,” you gushed, your spirits obviously high for him. 

You couldn’t help but notice how his cheeks blushed. He gave you a small nod and grin that noticeably stretched his cheeks, “This is such an exciting time for me,” he looked back at the TV. “I’ve waited my whole life for this.” 

His arms were still crossed like he was concealing so much more of himself. It was funny because he’d just let you in on something so personal. It was ironic. Though, you knew he did have so much more that was hiding, just beneath the surface.

“So much more is to come,” you encouraged. “I’m sure of it. I told Josh that, too.”

He glanced at you and nodded again. “I hope so. I’d be on cloud nine.” He tuned in and looked at the television and let out a particularly throaty laugh at something funny Jess’d said. Your stomach flip-flopped. 

You turned back to the TV, assuming your conversation was over with. But he surprised you again. 

“You coming this weekend?” He inquired, sounding more enthused than you’d anticipate. He cleared his throat. His next words were a little more nonchalant, like he didn’t want to let anything on. “You know, for Josh and the other guys?”

You felt a weight in your chest at the idea that he might think you weren’t going for him. Because as much as you wanted to deny it, seeing Jake perform was one of the things you were most looking forward to. 

Everything about him had been so mysterious up until that point, and seeing him do what he loved most would be a peek inside of the man you lived with.

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you peeked over, seeing that he had been waiting for your response. 

He stuck his bottom lip out, shaking his head in approval. “Cool.”

Essentially, it ended at that. But it was special to you that he’d thought to share even a small piece of his heart with you. It was more than he’d ever let you in on before.

You realized that the more you hung out with him, the more you were starting to let the animosity you felt for him fade.

-🌼🌼🌼-

It was a record player night of yours on Thursday of that week. You were playing The Beatles’ White Album limited edition re-release you’d gotten in that week at the Black and Gold. You had indulged yourself in getting it, The Beatles being your favorite band of all time. 

You were taking the time to clean up around the house when Jake had come through the living room, grabbing a notepad off the counter. He’d actually stopped on the way back to his room. You frowned, trying to decipher what he was doing. He was scribbling something into his notebook, stopping to think here and there.

You gave him a questioning look. “Lyrics?” 

He brought his Amber-brown eyes up to yours, coming out of his sort of daze. “Oh, uh, no,” he replied, tucking the small pad into the pocket of his jeans. “Setlist for Saturday. Josh asked me to work on it.”

You hummed and went about dusting the living room, as you had been doing previously. 

He kept walking to his room, but stopped once more to comment on how he liked The Beatles. 

“Especially Abbey Road. But this album’s fantastic, too,” your ears tuned in to the possible bonding moment. You were about to add in your own little thing about Lennon and McCartney, when he ruined it. “The Stones are still better, though. Far superior.” 

You felt heat prickle behind your ears and your head get fuzzy, the way your body would react every time you’d get defensive of something you love. The Beatles were your greatest musical love, besides Stevie Wonder. And he’d essentially also criticized your love of Stevie Wonder earlier that week, so you were done with his bullshit. 

“Shut the fuck up, Jacob,” you turned your back to him, going about your cleaning. 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot. I’m not allowed to speak my mind.”

You faced him sharply at that, and he raised a brow at your reaction, a smirk making the dimple in his cheek appear. He was testing you. 

“You know that’s not what I meant,” you retorted.

“Oh, I think that’s exactly what you meant,” he started walking towards you, and you stood your ground, waiting for what he’d do next. “You don’t like to hear what anyone else might have to say,” he stopped, a couple feet away from you, sitting on the arm of the couch. “You just like to hear the sound of your own voice.”

You sneered at him. Your heart was beating so quickly. “Get off the arm of the couch.”

He made no move to leave his spot. He crossed his arms and squinted at you. Then, he challenged with an, “Or what?”

You walked up to him. You were so close to him, his proximity was making you feel anxious. You were impressed by the sternness you heard in your own voice. “Just. Move.”

He set his head back, and raised both of his thick brows at you. The smirk still hadn’t left his face. You didn’t want to acknowledge the desire to both simultaneously slap and kiss the look off of his handsome face. 

He scoffed and moved off the arm. You thought you were about to be rid of him when he went ahead and sat on the cushion at the end closest to the arm he’d been sitting on. 

“What are you doing?” Why was he so intent on playing with you? 

“I’m sitting here while I wait for you to finish,” he waved a hand around, showing that he’d noticed what you’d been doing before. “Then we can watch our show.”

Our show. Your head buzzed at him calling it that while your stomach somersaulted. 

“I don’t—,” you reached a hand up to your forehead and rubbed the crinkle out from between your brows. “Don’t you have a setlist to finish?”

He lifted his ass a bit, and you watched the way the dark denim of his jeans stretched just right across his hips at the action. He reached into his back pocket, flipping the small notebook to the page he’d been on. He clicked his pen open. “I can do it while I wait.”

You glared at him, your heart still beating fiercely in your chest. 

Try as you might, even with as livid as he was making you feel in the moment, you really did enjoy the nights of watching the show together. You (very) secretly liked the way he was wanting to spend that time with you.  

You blew a frustrated breath out of your nose and growled when you turned around to finish cleaning. 

Damn him.

-🌼🌼🌼-

You shook awake at the feeling of Stevie pawing at your blanket. It was dark all around you, but the television was awake in front of you, the bright light glaring in the blackness of the room as Schmidt went on about CeCe being a model. 

Still halfway asleep, you reached down to bring the blanket that was around you closer to your chin. 

One of your brows wrinkled at the feeling of the blanket. You hadn’t put a blanket on. You softly reached a hand to feel at the material. It was the one you always kept on the back of the couch. 

Then, you finally came to the realization that there was a warm body underneath your sleep-laden body. In fact, your head was currently nestled against the softness of a cotton t-shirt.

You blinked your eyes open huge, but didn’t move right at first. You smelled the cologne on Jake’s shirt, and felt the rising and falling of his stomach. Dammit, he was so warm, and the position felt so. . .right?

Though, you couldn’t let yourself get trapped in that moment. Especially when you felt a hand come to rest on your waist. It felt too natural for it to be okay. 

Initially, you were going to try to be as sly as possible, as not to wake him. But it seemed your plan didn’t matter when you felt him slide the hand he’d put on you over the contours of your side.

He was awake. 

You noticed how he kept his hand resting at the spot on your waist even after he’d rubbed it over you. He smoothed his thumb (calloused, as you knew it would be) ever-so-gently over the exposed skin of your waist. Your heart thrummed.

“You awake?” He asked, his own voice raspy from sleep. Your skin prickled at the timbre of his tone. 

The darkness of the room hid your blush, but you worried that the contrasting brightness from the television would reveal it too soon. 

You shot up, trying not to care when his hand fell from your waist. You pushed the blanket off of you, and Stevie hopped off the couch in a frenzy. You knew she was about to get the zoomies from how fast you’d moved from your position. 

Standing up was slightly hard to do on legs that were still heavy from just having been in a deep sleep. But you gained your footing enough to turn and start folding the blanket where it went on the couch. You caught a glimpse of Jake rising from his spot on the couch, following your actions. He straightened some of the pillows that always nestled in the center of the couch.

After he did so, you noticed he was still standing next to the edge of the sofa. You went about turning the TV off and checking the door that you already knew was locked. 

You were trying to do anything to avoid contact with him. The wax burner that lit up on the kitchen bar was the only thing helping you know where you were, as to not accidentally bump into him. 

You were so much more nervous around him, feeling dumb for being in that situation. There really was no reason to be embarrassed as he had been right there in that moment with you, too. 

But how you’d situated yourself to sleep on him. . .you didn’t know how that had happened specifically. That was what made your skin prickle with worry for exposing any secret part of yourself. 

All you knew was it couldn’t happen again. 

There were certain things you absolutely couldn’t do with Jake. You didn’t want to cross the imaginary line you’d created. He needed to be focused on himself, and you needed to focus on yourself. 

Remaining only roommates seemed the only option in your head. It was safe. It was necessary for you both. 

“Y/n,” you felt Jake come up to your side and touch a hand to your arm. You stepped away as if you’d been burned, putting a few healthy feet between the two of you. “You okay?”

You shoved past him, heading to the kitchen counter to mindlessly straighten the key bowl for no reason. Afterwards, you went to grab a water bottle from the fridge, then continued to your room. Creating plenty of space between you was all you could think to do. 

Once you got to your door, you didn’t even turn to see him before you said, “Goodnight, Jake.” 

-🌼🌼🌼-

And, as fate would have it, the next morning, you woke up with your skin sticky with sweat. Jake had made yet another appearance in your subconscious. 

You sighed to yourself, getting the vibrator you’d ordered a week ago, out of your bedside drawer. 

You had barely admitted to yourself that you’d purchased it. You’d never in your life felt the need to use one. Your hand had always worked. 

But not with your Jake fantasies. No, you had to be relieved from this man in a much more vigorous way than just using a hand.

The way he interacted with your body in your dreams—it practically demanded the intensity of a toy. Your hand simply couldn’t do the trick. 

It should have irritated you that the nightly fantasies had become so frequent. But you found yourself more disappointed to wake up without having one, if you were being honest. 

You added some lube from your drawer’s stash to the end of it, placed it comfortably between your legs and flicked on the little buzzing device to a low speed.

You gradually let it run through your folds, just getting the feel to begin. But your clit hadn’t stopped throbbing from how Jake had been acting in your dream. 

In your sleep, he’d appeared above you, with his cock already pumping into you. The version of you in your dream had welcomed the sensation, it had felt familiar to you in that reality. Though, it had been the first time you’d ever felt dream-Jake have sex with you. So it was strange that it felt like a normal occurrence. . .but you didn’t even give that part a second thought. 

All you knew was it’d felt just about as good as dream sex could. You knew there was something missing that you could only get in real life, though. But, you had still reveled in how natural it felt for him to slide in and out, in and out. 

So now, in the present day, you realized just how ready you were for your release, as your dream-self hadn’t been able to reach that point of completion. You’d just been taking what he would give you, enjoying every minute and movement. 

There was even a sort of pattern he’d kept for the duration of the dream that’d felt delicious. He had kept edging and teasing you (and himself, honestly) to the point of near insanity. He’d pump his cock into you, and then slowly drag it back out. He’d even nudged at your aching bud with the head of it a few times, for good measure. 

Neither of you had finished. You now cursed at that version of him for being so desperate to edge you on. But man, had it ignited a fire in you. 

Your hips lifted off the bed as the buzzing hummed from its place, all the way up to your most aching area. You jostled a little at the feeling of it affecting you from its position, still far enough away that it shouldn’t have had an impact on your clit whatsoever. 

You couldn’t handle any more of the teasing, so you dragged it up until it sat at the side of your hardened nub. You closed your eyes at the sensation it brought, your whole body flaring with the itch that was about to be satisfied. You could feel it everywhere. You felt your clit flutter relentlessly, and you couldn’t help it when you whined, “Jake.” 

You instantly pulled the device away, pressing the button to turn it off.  

You caught your bearings the best you could, and internally scolded yourself. You had been trying so hard not to say his name after the first time. You still didn’t know if he’d heard you, but you’d assumed he totally had. The walls didn’t hold enough weight to keep your secrets. And he’d been way too cryptic when he’d left that day.

Your body continued to pulse below, reminding you that you hadn’t let yourself reach that point. You put the small machine back where it had been, and bit your lip as it buzzed back to life. You wanted to finish, but you couldn’t make a sound. 

You even took a chance and set the frequency a touch higher. 

Your eyes rolled back. You rubbed the head of it back through the wetness that had gathered at your folds. And then brought it back to the bud that cried for its attention. 

You pressed the machine right at the underside of your most delicate part, and flicked the setting up one more time. 

And within seconds, your hips shot off the bed, your toes dug into the covers, curling so tight as every nerve-ending came to life. 

Your eyes rolled all the way back in your head and you couldn’t help it when you shut your eyes to envision him. 

You had to see him, and if you let your lids close, you could see him above you, so sweaty. In your mind, his stomach was touching yours, the stickiness of sweat from his exertion making you feel one with him as your belly was just as damp. 

He looked down at you, his eyes holding an emotion you hadn’t seen from him yet in ‘real life.’ You could have cried at the relief the gaze of his brown eyes brought you. 

You felt your body starting to become overstimulated, and your heart was beating so fast. You had to open your eyes. 

You brought the vibrator away from yourself and pressed the button to turn it off, tucking it securely in the bedside drawer. 

The itch could be satisfied by a vibrator, yes, but you couldn’t help it when you imagined just how exhilarating it would feel if the dreams ever became reality. 

But you wouldn’t let yourself think that way for too long. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

Once you finished putting some new underwear on, and a pair of sweats with your big T-shirt, you ventured out into the hallway.  

You went to go brush your teeth and get ready for a morning run, hoping a sense of your old life would bring some normalcy to the rest of your day. 

Though, as soon as you exited your room, you stopped before you turned for the bathroom to see Jake in the kitchen. He wasn’t doing anything special. Just cooking some eggs—hopefully his, you thought snidely. 

You needed to avoid him after your little venture with dream-him in your bed. You told yourself that was mostly why you were hiding as you looked on from the passageway to the kitchen from the hallway. 

You didn’t know why you stood there and stared aside from the fact that Jake was incredibly easy to look at—easy to observe. You admittedly could take a few moments to look over the man who’d been your New Girl-watching partner for the past week. 

He was now preparing a cup of coffee. His chestnut waves caught gleams of light from the early morning sun, showing you some hidden colors in his hair. His light caramel-colored skin shone in the sun streams. 

You hid yourself a little more in the shadows when he turned just slightly. And when you could see his eyes, you noticed they became a sparkling, golden brown when he looked out the window to survey the city. 

Your angle was now perfect to see everything. You even saw beneath the open lapels of the purple button-down he was wearing, you could see his chest, rising and falling. You didn’t know how Jake’s pecs were so perfectly toned, but you’d taken note that there was almost always a necklace or two laying between them just right. 

And, then there were the black jeans he was wearing. And hot damn, if his round ass didn’t sit so well in the back of them. 

As Jake turned to get in the fridge, you made a silent escape to brush your teeth and officially start your day. You’d put that moment of surveying in the back of your mind where it belonged.

-🌼🌼🌼-

The bell rang on the door as you continued stocking the new shipment of vinyls for the B&G. You’d just passed the J’s, stocking a Janis Joplin record when you heard the slightest shuffle behind you. 

You turned around to see if it was a customer that needed help, only to find a man looking through the sale bins. You suddenly noticed that you’d definitely need to make a new “Last Chance!” sign to hang from the wooden crates. The old one was looking particularly grimy.

You mentally added that to a list in your brain.

You turned back to the shipment. You moved onto the K’s. As you moved, you checked out the Featured wall. You really did love the Featured Vinyl wall. 

And, as you looked over it, you saw the re-release Wheels of Fire vinyl you’d gotten in that day. Josh had taken it upon himself to use the ladder to hang all of the featured vinyl earlier in the day. You always enjoyed seeing what he chose to feature. It was his thing.   He’d left shortly after setting it up for some midday errands to prepare for the weekend’s impending event. 

Your eyes stayed on the record, and you hated that you thought of Jake the second you saw Josh hang it earlier. And you continued to be irritated by who it made you think of most. You did not need to be thinking about him so much. 

You shook your head as if to rid yourself of the thoughts that were seeming to overtake you more often than not these days. You just wanted peace. And you’d essentially had none since the day Jake had moved in. 

“Excuse me.” 

You felt a slight shift against your hip and moved over to the side, not even looking over to the person. You assumed it was the guy who had been rifling through the sale bin. You moved over, giving him space to peruse. 

“No worries, man,” you said.

Though, you now heard him clear his throat. You looked to him, assuming he needed help. 

When you looked up, you were met with a slightly smarmy close-mouthed grin. It would make you recoil and avoid the person at all costs in a normal situation, but you couldn’t do that since you were at work. 

You slapped on a shit-eating-customer service-grin. 

“May I help you?” 

He cleared his throat again, and then he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well. I just wanted to ask you a question.” 

You raised your eyebrow, as if to say: And that is? 

He teetered forward on his feet, bringing you both in closer proximity to each other. You would’ve backed away, if you hadn’t suddenly come back to back with the R&B bins when you had turned to talk to him. The old wood of the bins creaked as you wedged in as close as you could to them. 

You kept your eyebrow raised in question, not letting your guard down.

“I’ve been coming here for a long time,” he said. “And when you started working here a few years back, I just had to start coming in more to see your pretty face.”

You felt your stomach churn. You didn’t like this. Though, you did notice him as a regular you’d come across on more than one occasion. He was near your age, but he made you feel completely unsafe. From the way he was looking at you, you didn’t have the best inkling about this conversation. The way this man leaned in, not respecting your apparent want for personal space—it was gross.

But, you weren’t afraid to shoot a guy down. You’d done it multiple times before. 

“Listen, dude, I—,” you began. 

He only stepped closer, cutting you off. You felt closed in. And, you tried not to let it show, but you kind of felt your edge fall. This was getting to be too much. 

“I-I-I’ve been working up the nerve to tell you that,” he continued. “For a long time. But you’re always in here with that cotton ball head.”

You felt personally offended on Josh’s behalf. Cotton ball head? 

And, of course this fucker would advance on you when Josh was gone to run an errand. Had he been watching for the moment Josh left? He had to have been. Hm. That wasn’t unnerving at all.

“Well, I appreciate your honesty and plainness, but I have to—.”

“Please, just let me take you out once?” 

As if to test the space, he stepped once more into you, cramming you into the crates uncomfortably. His hands gripped the wooden bins you could feel making dents in your back. His arms were effectively trapping you in. It all caused you to stumble back on the heels of your white boots. Thanks to the short skirt you’d decided to wear that day, you could feel the denim of his acid wash jeans against your exposed thighs.

Well. 

This man was turning out to be more difficult than you’d initially anticipated. You kept your eyes steady on the tie-dye print of his Sublime band tee. You didn’t want to look into his bloodshot, bug eyes again.

“Look, I’m really very sorry, but I can’t—.”

“Just one date.” He was starting to sound more stern, more threatening than you liked at all. 

You hadn’t heard the bell above the door ding the presence of someone new in the distance. All you could hear were the muffled sounds of your music in the background. It felt as if each of your ears was stuffed full of cotton. 

Your stomach churned in on itself again. You knew it was the result of the building anxiousness and alarm in this instance. It intensified when a pale hand lifted to touch your arm. Your skin was crawling. But, before it could touch you, it was harshly slapped away. The man’s arms both fell from around you.

Thank God. Josh was back.  

“You don’t touch her.” 

That wasn’t Josh’s voice. 

You looked to your left to see Jake. 

He was wearing a pair of sunglasses. The skin on his face and exposed chest was a warm glow of light brown. Within these small details of him, you’d recently come to find a sense of comfort. And every beautiful detail of him seemed to be on full display for you to admire. 

He had situated himself to be right next to you. He was ready to help you in any way you may need.

You tried to deny it, but in this situation all you felt was peace in the fact that he was here. 

Under normal circumstances, you probably would’ve rolled your eyes at him for interrupting something you were doing.

Though, in this situation, your growing understanding of Jake, combined with your natural human reaction to feeling protected in a scary situation — it made you want to fall into his arms and not let go.

You felt yourself gravitate towards him. Your shoulder came to touch his exposed chest. It sent a sweet shiver down your spine to be close to him. You could feel the cool metal of a couple of his necklaces on your bare bicep. 

It felt incredibly safe.

The customer was slightly taller than Jake, but you’d learned that Jake naturally gave off big dick energy. There was no other way to explain how Jake carried himself with such confidence. 

And, as you were witnessing at that moment, he apparently knew how to be very intimidating when he needed to be, too. 

That was one more thing you could add to the growing mental list of differences between him and his twin. The mysterious darkness that consistently loomed over Jake could help him be daunting and mysterious when he needed to be. Whereas, Josh’s sunshine-y, peaceful, and open-hearted nature just wouldn’t dare allow him that ability. 

“Listen, man, I was just asking—,�� the man attempted.

“I don’t give a shit what you were asking her. You aren’t asking anything anymore.”

You felt a heat rise in you at his authoritarian attitude. It was hot as hell. 

The guy’s chest puffed. He seemed equal parts scared and indignant. The creepy guy wasn’t so creepy anymore as his bug eyes grew at Jake’s naturally intense presence. 

Because, the more you looked at him, you noticed the indignance seemed to be a mask for his fear. The guy had a slight shake in his lanky shoulders. 

You felt a warm arm that smelled like Jake pull your body further into his chest, away from the man in the Sublime shirt. Your golden sunflower necklace was now touching his own necklaces as your exposed cleavage touched the warm skin of his chest. His arm was still around you. You could make a cocoon in that place. 

Jake’s voice was stern with his next words. You felt them vibrate from his chest into yours, and into your ear nearest him.

“Get your fucking ass out of here,” Jake released himself from around you, and you instantly missed the closeness. Though, he used the new position to put an arm behind, shielding you from the man as he stepped between you and the tie-dye-guy, pointing a finger in the man’s face. “I don’t want to hear her ever speak of seeing you again. And she will let me know if she sees your sorry ass in here again. I can guarantee it because she sees me day in, and day-fucking-out. It’s a perk to living with a person. Don’t let it happen. I better not hear her say a damn thing about your ass.”

The guy held both hands up, as if to defend himself. He tried to maintain confidence, but his eyes held uncaged fear. 

Jake brought himself back around you, his arm around your waist this time. You didn’t know what had overtaken him to act so protective of you, but you weren’t upset over it at all.

You completely welcomed it. 

As your heated chest touched Jake’s own, you didn’t dare look to your rescuer. 

You distracted yourself by watching the man flee through the store. This store that had become your safe place for the past couple of years. You decided in that moment that you wouldn’t let some stranger take that safe feeling of the store from you. 

As soon as the green tie-dye shirt was no longer in sight, your senses came back to you. And rather than recoil from Jake, you only sunk further into him. You liked the safety. You softly put your head on his shoulder and you felt his hand come up to massage your neck as your head laid there. You saw stars at the sensation of his practiced hand. You briefly wondered what else the hand could do. 

Suddenly, the realness of your proximity to Jake was taking over. The warmth of your chests together became unbearable. You quickly stepped back from him, making a decent space between the two of you. 

You wanted to give him the biggest hug of thanks. You wanted to continue to wrap your arms around him until you felt like you were a part of him. He’d made you feel so secure. Hell, you wanted to give him a kiss of gratitude for stepping in when he did.

But you didn’t do any of that. 

Instead, you did your thing and pushed down any and all emotion you could possibly feel about Jake Kiszka. You remembered your annoyingly persistent looming thoughts of him from the past couple months and pushed them all away. You pushed those thoughts way down to the bottoms of your feet. 

He was still Jake. He was an asshole eighty percent of the time.  This situation and the few others as of late wouldn’t change that fact. 

And you wouldn’t dare allow any true emotion of yours to show in front of him. 

You brushed down your green floral skirt. You ran a finger at the hem of it as it touched your thigh, trying something else to gain a new sense of peace. It scarcely compared to how Jake had made you feel.

You couldn’t meet his eyes. You could feel him watching you. Your heart beat would not slow. 

You chose to look at his hair. You watched as he brushed a hand through his long waves. You noticed it still looked wet from a shower. 

You started thinking of him running his fingers through it to wash it. The soapy suds covering his fingers. The water trickling down his back and over his ass. The water that then traveled down his legs to pool at the bottom of the shower that you two shared. The same shower that he would wash his beautiful hair and body in��� the same one you also stood in to wash yourself—. The thought got you all worked up for unexplainable reasons.

Stop thinking of Jake in the shower, y/n. Stop thinking of the fact that you share a shower. Stop it.

He pushed his sunglasses up, pushing his hair back with them. 

You didn’t want to talk about how your eyes trailed to his bare chest of their own accord, noticing his silky purple button-up that he’d rolled almost to his elbows. You noticed a couple pronounced veins in his arms, as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He wasn’t tall, but you had this feeling he was stronger than he let on. 

And dear God, you did not let that thought wander.

When you finally flicked your eyes up to his, you felt your body flush even more with the concerned look that painted his features. He was watching you carefully, his eyebrows turned in as he observed you.

Though, you wouldn’t let yourself give in to any emotion you were tempted to show. You stood straighter, and when you spoke, your tone was much sharper than you wanted it to be.

“I could have handled that on my own.”

His eyebrows reflexed and shot up. He put on a new demeanor and scoffed. “Oh. Yeah?”

You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear that had fallen from your hair clip. “Fuck you, Jake. You know I could have,” you shook your head. “I didn’t need your help.”

He shook his head, seemingly in an act of disbelief for your words.

“You are so fucking impossible,” he said. “You can’t even say thank you when someone helps you out.”

He had a point. You could have said thank you. It was the least you could do to be polite. But, no. No emotions. Ridiculously, a thank you seemed too personal. 

And yes, you really did realize how juvenile that sounded when you thought it.

“Telling you ‘thank you’ would feel oxymoronic,” you stated, putting down the air quotes your hands had made for words ‘thank you’. “With all of the other shit you’ve done since you oh-so-gracefully entered my life? Yeah, I’m not going to tell you thank you for one act of heroism that didn’t even need to happen.”

He seemed genuinely amazed, with both brows raised high. You chose to not think of how your words might’ve stung.

He stared at you for a minute longer, an emotion was sitting in his eyes that you couldn’t quite place. 

“Tell Josh I left the line-up for Saturday on the counter,” he’d quickly, shortly stated the words in a way that was unfamiliar from past quarrels. He sounded. . .hurt?

And before you could say another word, his form was storming out of the store. The bell rung for the fourth time that day. Though, this time, the chime made you flinch. 

Had that seriously been hurt you’d seen in his eyes and heard in his tone? How did he even have the right to feel hurt by you?

The growl that escaped your mouth was definitely immature. But, he was the impossible one. You huffed and turned on your heel back to the vinyls you’d been so rudely cut off from stocking.

-🌼🌼🌼-

“Y/n,” Josh called to you from the counter. 

You sighed exasperatedly as you responded, “Yes, Joshua?” 

You wished you were simply being dramatic with the sigh you’d loudly released. But, your back hurt from being on your feet, stretching over bins all day. And, you were still feeling icky about the situation concerning the Sublime, tie-dyed regular from earlier.

And then there was Jake—who hadn’t seemed to leave your thoughts from the moment he’d walked out earlier in the day. 

You turned to Josh after you placed a Minnie Riperton record securely in its spot. 

You swiftly kicked the last empty cardboard box from the shipment up towards the front of the store. 

Josh knelt down to grab it as it seemed to slide right into his awaiting hand. 

He’d returned from his errand about an hour ago. The sun had been setting when he’d returned. You were borderline salty with him for being gone so long. But, you knew you were more happy for him than anything. He was finally seeming to go through the motions of making this passion of his and Jake’s a reality. 

As you walked towards the counter, you noticed he was pointing at something with a stupidly smug grin on his face. Your eyebrows crinkled as your eyes met what he was pointing at. You suddenly saw a small, potted, lavender plant sitting atop the counter. 

That was new. 

You rounded the opposite side of the counter from Josh. He was flattening the final box you’d sent his way, giving you an eye. You had seen the look he was giving before. It was the one that always seemed to say ‘I told you so.’

As you got behind the counter, you could feel his eyes burning into your skull. 

You hesitantly inspected the plant at first, but then saw the note that was tucked underneath it. 

Just thought this would look nice in our apartment :)

-Jake

Your heart leapt into your throat. It sat uncomfortably there for a moment too long. Guilt seemed to erupt in your chest as your heart plummeted back into it. The smiley face at the end set the guilt in even deeper.

The bell hadn’t dinged since Jake had aggressively pushed the door open to leave in his haste earlier. The store had been empty since, save for yourself and the soul music that had floated through the speakers all day. 

He had brought this little plant with him earlier. And you’d effectively chewed him out for no reason whatsoever.

Well, not for no reason, you reassured yourself. There was reason. There were reasons aplenty.

But, he could have at least gotten a thank you. And you hadn’t even tried to offer him that. 

Jake’s normally aggravating behavior was undoubtedly outweighed by your own unfair behavior today. 

He’d defended your honor and brought you a plant out of the blue. 

And you’d all but dismissed him.

Your stomach fluttered a little at that. He had defended you and thought about you upon seeing a lavender plant. The same plant you’d been wanting in the apartment. And he hadn’t just thought of you when he saw it, but he’d thought to bring it to you as a gift. 

And you hadn’t even given him a chance.

Not a thank you. For anything.

Well, shit.

-🌼🌼🌼-

As you waved goodbye to Josh from the driver’s seat in your car after work, you jetted off to your apartment. 

You were ready to get home and talk to Jake about how sorry you felt. You wanted to set things straight and maybe help him in enforcing this sort-of peace offering. There wasn’t one part of you that wanted to constantly be at odds with him. Being friends with him would be great. You couldn’t help it that you possibly wanted more, but you didn’t want to cross a boundary. 

It just seemed that he was ready to make this new adjustment to your relationship by being friendly, and you were ready to put your pride down for it. 

You also wanted to offer a thank you for the gift of the plant that you’d placed securely in the cup holder of your Jetta.

-🌼🌼🌼- 

You’d barely even graced the threshold of your entryway when you noticed him. 

Except, it was not at all a sight you wanted to see when you got home. 

Jake was blatantly breaking a rule. 

What was happening in front of you was the last thing you wanted to see, honestly. 

You couldn’t take your eyes away from him as he laid on top of a girl in your living room. On the couch you’d just fallen asleep on with him the night before. 

You were mad that he broke a rule, yes, but that was not the first thought that entered your mind. 

You were shocked by the sudden burning feeling of jealousy. Your chest was tight. Why were you jealous? You couldn’t stand this man. Yes, he’d appeared in a few of your dreams because he was sexy as hell. You virtually had no romantic feelings for him. . . Right? 

So why were you so obviously envious of this random girl that was lying on your couch with a man you had only grown to despise? 

The disheveled look of his hair made your stomach roll in a way you wished it didn’t. 

His shirt was completely open, his entire chest showing, heaving. And the same necklace that had pressed to your own earlier that day was now dangling between his chest and the woman below him. She actually went to grab it as you watched, pulling him closer to her.

Your left hand gripped so tightly to the potted lavender, it was almost enough to crack the terra-cotta. 

The woman was strikingly beautiful. . . and suddenly every insecurity you’d ever felt about yourself came into your head. You didn’t look a thing like this woman. 

This woman looked like a model, a certified bombshell. Her eyelids naturally drooped, the pupils of her big, blue eyes, blown wide, and her already-big lips were completely swollen. 

You wanted to vomit. You wanted to cry. You felt tears burning the brim of your eyes. 

You weren’t even sorry when your tone sounded so overtly snarky. Though, what you weren’t prepared for was the sound of tears in your throat, “Unbelievable.” 

You caught his eyes and the look you shared held so much weight. But why? Why was this suddenly tense for more reasons than just irritation that he was disrespecting the rules?

Why was the look in his eyes making your heart flutter? 

Had your appreciation for him grown past simply admiring the way he looked? Grown past the dreams that you thought had only been about the fucking? They’d been nothing more than that. Ugh. . . Right?!

The tears started making your eyelids feel heavy and you raced to her bedroom before you could chance him looking any deeper into your eyes. 

You didn’t want him to see you like this— possibly know the wave of thoughts and emotions you couldn’t even begin to understand. 

You didn’t have a clue where to begin with what you were feeling. 

-🌼🌼🌼-

For about 20 minutes, you glared at the plant that now sat on your dresser. You had reverted to anger, you refused to let any tears fall. 

You didn’t want to think any more about anything. You decided maybe just going to bed was the best option. 

Trading your work clothes for sweats and a ratty cropped t-shirt, you observed your bum-like appearance. But, you couldn’t care less what you looked like. All worries were getting pushed down for the evening.

When you went to open the door to brush your teeth, there was a knock on the other side of it. You blinked at the sound, but your hand stayed on the knob. You knew who it probably was on the other side. And you didn’t want to mess with him. 

Jake’s voice could be heard through the wood of the door, your assumption confirmed. “Y/n, you okay?” He asked it so delicately. It caught you off guard.

You only scoffed under your breath, not wanting to mess with his bullshit. His words didn’t need to be acknowledged with a response. He asked you again, and you still didn’t say a word. 

Standing there and ignoring him until he was gone seemed to be the best decision. He’d leave eventually.

You heard him sigh. He persisted,  “I just want to talk to you.” 

Glaring at where you imagined him to be  behind the door, all you responded with was: “No.” 

Jake sighed again, and his tone was still soft with his next question. “Why?” 

You removed your hand from the knob, and put your back against the door. You crossed your arms in defiance to him. “Fuck, Jake. I just don’t want to talk to you.” Your tear ducts welled with silent tears, much too close to falling. You couldn’t get the image from earlier out of your mind; you didn’t want to be talking to him about anything right now. Hearing his voice just made your throat feel tight. “Is that so hard to understand?!”

“What did I even do?” He uttered it so quietly, you barely heard it, muffled through the door. You were taken aback that he sounded a little sad when he said it. 

But you weren’t having it, not pitying him in the slightest. You didn’t believe this whole performance he was putting on: one where he could possibly care. He’d proven today that he could change his course of action pretty damn quickly if he wanted. 

All in the matter of a few hours, Jake had taken measures to soften your heart to him. Bringing the plant and helping you combat the predatory man had been great for you. You thought now that you could have finally been seeing him for the man he truly was. 

But then he’d been the one to harden it to stone all over again. He had totally sidetracked and betrayed you by having a woman on your sofa. 

Well, he hadn’t really betrayed you, per se, but the rules which you’d created. But it’d felt so much more personal. You were sure what you’d been feeling had been envy and resentfulness towards that woman on your couch.

But it wasn’t even her fault, it was your damned roommate’s. 

“Is she gone?” 

“She’s gone,” he replied.

You turned on your heel, and yanked the door open to face him. 

He had been much nearer than you were expecting. When you exited the bedroom, you were so close, you were almost touching him. 

You spared no time.

“For starters, I saw you breaking a big ass rule, Jake. You had a girl laid on her back with your tongue in her mouth. . .in the living room!” You placed a hand on his chest and pushed him back. You took your hand away just as soon, hating how warm and velvety his bare chest felt to touch. Thanks to the woman from earlier, there were even more buttons undone than usual. “That’s not the type of shit I wanna walk in and see after a long ass day like today.”

He moved for you, not fighting it. He cast his eyes down, looking sincere when he muttered, “I’m sorry. I get that it wasn’t okay.” 

You hated how he seemed so calm and cool. It was crazy how he was putting on an act to make you think he was actually sorry. You didn’t believe his sentiment for a second. “Cut the act, Jake. Don’t be one way out there,” you motioned in the direction of the living room. “And then a completely different way right here.”

But all he did was stand there and apologize again. And this time? He had the audacity to look you in the eyes when he said sorry.

Your heart was racing. You couldn’t believe how well he could put this on. “Don’t apologize when you don’t mean it.”

“You don’t get to tell me whether or not I mean something I’m saying, y/n,” he corrected.

Your cheeks burnt at his tone, “I’m not trying to tell you if you —.” 

“You literally just told me I didn’t mean my apology,” he closed his eyes briefly and ran a hand through his hair. The Amber-brown of his irises was steely when they opened, holding yours when he snapped, “You’re not allowed to tell me what I mean and what I don’t.”

“Well, I’m confused, Jake. I just don’t get it,” you snapped right back.

“Get what exactly? How I could maybe, actually be a decent human being? It’s like you’ve made up your fuckin’ mind that I’m a terrible person.” 

You bit the inside of your cheek, and grinned at him sarcastically. It honestly astounded you that he could be so dense. 

“First of all, I’d be entitled to think you’re an asshole with the shit you’ve said, the way you’ve acted. You’ve been inconsiderate from day one,” you held up a finger to show the number and then used it to jab into his chest. “And you just love to break every rule possible with women. I can’t even begin to process,” you ran both hands through your hair, and closed your eyelids to stabilize yourself. “But you also bring me a fucking plant to work? What in the hell was that anyway?” 

“I heard you and Josh talking about it, and thought it was the least I could do for being such an ass,” he sighed. “I know I haven’t been myself, but I’ve just been—.”

“Don’t just spout shit off,” you should have let him finish. You’d been waiting on him to open up for a while, but you weren’t in the mood right now. It took a second for the other piece of his response to sink in. “And I knew you were eavesdropping on that conversation!” 

He grit his teeth. “I wasn’t fucking eavesdropping,” he rubbed the back of his thumb against his forehead. His chest was heaving. “Don’t make me sound like a creep. I just used what I’d overheard to do something nice for you, and you can’t even appreciate it.” 

“Quite frankly, I did appreciate it, but I came home to— you know what? Nevermind,” you went to turn back into your room. “I’m going to bed. I’ll wait to—.”

“No.” 

You stopped in your tracks and faced him yet again. “No?” You were fuming. You were so tired of this. “So now you’re telling me what to do?”

“All I want is for you to say what you’re thinking,” he leveled, seeming just as vexed as you.

You shook your head and tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, “I don’t want to.” You were being stubborn, you knew that. 

“This is what I meant earlier. You’re fucking impossible. I don’t understand how the hell you can get your panties in such a wad over literally nothing. Things like post-it notes and me slightly breaking these fuckin’ rules,” he groaned frustratedly. “It’s like your only emotion is this annoyance—this irritation directed only towards me. You barely show any other emotion. I can’t keep up with you only ever being angry at me,” the muscle in his jaw clenched. “God. Impossible is the only word for it.”

“My only emotion?! That’s just peachy, Jake. You’re the one who— it’s the fact that you have always— no! I’m not talking to you about this,” you barely turned when he grabbed your arm lightly in his grasp, stopping you as you were about to walk away. 

“Yes you are. Just tell me what’s going on in your head. Please,” he practically begged. “Give me some insight, dammit.”

Why was he so desperate to know? He was just insisting on you opening up so he could continue to push your buttons, you were sure of it. 

“Quit acting like you wanna know so badly.” 

“I brought you a fucking plant today, y/n. And I  got that dickhead to lay off of you. I was fuckin’ seething when I saw him cornering you,” he was still holding your arm, and at this point, you didn’t want to move it. Your heart fluttered at his words. Seething? “Obviously I care about you and what you’re thinking. Tonight was stupid, but it was just a little rule that got broken,” his palm was warm, and his thumb was making little shapes on your skin. 

You couldn’t argue all of his points, so you settled on the thing that started all of this. You replied, your voice quiet, “It’s not just a rule.” 

“Then what is it?” He inquired, so gently.

You were completely overheated, heart hammering so hard you could hear every beat washing through your ears. This was too much. You didn’t want to let him in. 

So, you yanked your arm out of his grasp, trying to escape the impending admission you didn’t want to say out loud. Then, you tried to make it inside your bedroom, away from Jake. Being around him was making your heart pound. You couldn’t trust it. 

You did make it to your room. But, just as you were about to shut your door, Jake placed his hand inside of it so you couldn't. He held it open, his arm above you was not doing anything good for your senses. You liked the feeling of him being all around you, but you felt like you needed to hate it. You didn’t know what to feel.  “It’s nothing, Jake. Shit. Go to bed.”

“Y/n.” 

“It’s just—I’m tired of there being all of these women in my apartment. In my old bedroom. You know your bedroom? Yeah, used to be mine,” you were starting to ramble, so you got back on track. “Um, on my couch. The same couch we’ve sat on to watch our show together almost every night this week,” you put both hands over your eyes, leaving them there with what you said next. “I just can’t stand seeing you with other women, and I hate the possibility of hearing you with other women . . . in my home, no less.” 

You’d said what you were thinking, your words had just rolled off of your tongue. You were absolutely biting the bullet by saying any of that. You didn’t know what possessed you to say those things. 

You really didn’t want him to know any of that. . . .Or did you?

He stood there, his arm still above you, his exposed chest was so close. He was so close. His wonderful cologne seeped into your senses. 

You didn’t break eye contact, even after he pondered, “What are you trying to say?” 

“I don’t fucking know. Nothing. Ignore it, Jacob.”

You tried to push the door closed, but he kept a firm hand on the inside of it, not letting it close just yet. Your skin prickled, but you took that moment to let yourself admire his deep, brown irises that hadn’t looked away from you during your confession. You loved the way the sharpness of his jaw accentuated the way it clenched. You observed the muscle as it moved, for maybe a moment too long. 

You couldn’t think of anything else to do except step in his direction. His breathing stilled for a millisecond, but he took the chance to curve his body to be a sort of shield around you. You touched your chest to the lower part of his. You felt your cheeks heat pink at the proximity. 

But, as soon as you did it, you backed away. You couldn’t take it. He was intoxicating. What were you doing?!

“I’m just upset. I don’t know!” You moaned. “Maybe I’m a little jealous. What are you gonna do about it?!” 

His beautiful brown eyes raked over your figure, making goosebumps cover every piece of your skin. 

Jake slowly moved his arm off the door. Then, he grabbed your waist, one hand at a time. His hands were warm when they wrapped around the bare skin at your midriff, exposed by the crop top. He looked in your eyes briefly, the moment completely frozen. Your combined breathing was all you could hear. 

Then, he met your lips with his. 

You faintly whimpered at the feeling. His lips were so soft. Fuck. He wasn’t even using his tongue yet, letting only his lips do the work. He pushed his bottom lip through the middle of yours. 

He backed you both into your bedroom, never coming up for air. When the backs of your knees finally hit the end of your mattress, you moved to breathe. You stared intently at his lips, swollen from kissing you. Then you moved your eyes up, where his own were already waiting for yours to meet his. 

This undisclosed moment seemed to be a chance to meet each other for the first time all over again.

You sat down on the bed, and Jake sat next to you. It felt like you were a teenager, still learning what it meant to be so near to someone in a new way. 

But he didn’t let it stay that way for long. He placed one steady hand against your cheek, your hair falling over it. He cradled your face and then kissed you again. 

You angled your body to make it a little easier for you both. It wasn’t long until he was doing the same, except he was better, smoother at the transition than you had been. He moved you up the bed, ever so slowly. His lips staying on yours to whole time. 

However he moved his body, you did the same until he was positioned above you with his arms and wavy locks acting as a cover for your head from the outside world. 

You pulled away for a second and situated your back to lean against a few pillows at your headboard, giving yourself some height and him some leverage. 

Everything was Jake at that moment. And truly, you wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

You took a little while just to look at the man above you, admiring how beautiful he truly was. He was like a piece of art that was so intricate in its strokes that you couldn’t pull your eyes away.

He slipped one leg between both of yours, adjusting his weight to settle halfway on the mattress and halfway on you. He started kissing your neck, eliciting a sigh from you. His lips felt so purposeful against your skin. He finally let his tongue sweep against the side of your neck. 

“Fuck, you taste sweet,” his voice was the raspiest you’d ever heard it. Your legs shook just a little at the sound. 

Then, you felt something against your hip, and you knew exactly what it was. You angled away slightly and looked up at him. His eyes were so dark when he said, “That’s what you do to me.” 

You flushed at his words, your heart pumping quickly. All you wanted to do was move your body to rub against it, so you did just that. He released a low growl at the feeling. 

“Y/n, dammit,” he sighed, his breath warm against where it was on your neck. “You don’t wanna do that.”

So, you did it again. This time, you did the motion just a little more deliberately, letting your hip grind into it.  

Still kissing your neck, he nipped at you, holding his teeth there for a few long seconds. 

He met your movements and pushed his hard dick in slow circles against you. It made your breath catch in your throat, and your eyes roll back.

“Jake,” you moaned. 

His face came up to yours, and he took that time to find your lips again. This time, he slipped his tongue into your mouth. You whined at the feeling and you used your own tongue to find his. 

He sucked on your upper lip, while his tongue came out to lick the underside of it. You could only imagine his mouth in another place as he continued to draw your lips to his. Your clit twitched.

He groaned into your mouth, and you dazedly opened your eyes to get a look at his face. His were still closed, and his eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. 

It was one of the most attractive sights you’d ever seen. He seemed so focused, so intent on his task. It made you squirm in the best way.

He placed his body completely over you now. He settled himself right on top of you, his hips connecting with your own. The feeling of his firm cock against your clothed pussy was fucking amazing. He rolled his hips down into yours, making you whine the loudest you had so far. You saw a knowing smirk grace his features, and he did it again. The friction was just right against the growing wetness in your pants. 

He kept his arms on either side of you, but stopped his teasing to move down just slightly to lift your shirt up. 

You raised your arms for him, and he took it off. The bralette you’d worn that day was still on, and he didn’t make a move to take it off of you. He did, however, bite his lip as soon as he saw your pink, hardening nipples through the nearly transparent lace. 

“Your tits are just as pretty as I knew they’d be,” he said, seeming to actually be in awe of your body. 

You felt his words everywhere, and your breasts responded to him by your nipples growing to an even firmer peak.

His hand covered your right breast, over the heated flesh and the thin material of the bra. His hand felt incredible touching you like this. 

He lightly squeezed, and rubbed a thumb over your nipple. He kneaded your breast, which earned a pleased sigh from you. 

Then, he skimmed the same hand over the other breast, giving it the same treatment. Except this time, he placed his mouth below your jaw, licking a line from your chin to right below your ear. Your toes curled at feeling him in two different places on your body. 

The sensation that came with being so close to him was exhilarating. His hands floated from their position on your body, skimming down your sides. His body moved with his hands until his mouth was at your belly button. He licked around it, and then delicately kissed your stomach, right below.  

“And I love your soft belly,” he breathed, then he went even further. 

And finally, he was right next to the place that wanted his mouth most. Your body thrummed, your skin flamed at him being so near to your most secret place. 

And at that moment, as you felt your folds pulse, impatient waiting for him. . . It all set in what was happening. 

You blinked a few times to bring yourself back to reality. This couldn’t happen. This was not at all what should’ve been happening. 

“Jake, stop,” you choked out and looked up at the ceiling. You couldn’t let yourself look at him anymore for fear of not letting him stop if you do. 

And he had to stop.

You didn’t want to move, truly, but you knew you had to. You edged up the bed, away from him. 

And when you glanced down momentarily, he looked completely dejected, but stayed in the place he’d been before. It made your heart hurt.

“Wh-what?” He frowned, trying to understand the situation. 

But you couldn’t wrap your mind fully around it, so you looked back at the ceiling and placed a hand over your eyes.  

“Just go, please,” you suddenly felt tears brimming, and just like earlier, you didn’t want him to see. “Go.” 

“Y/n,” he tried. You felt his hand lay against your calf, but you pulled your body away from his touch. 

“Go, Jake!” You replied, admittedly too harsh.

And just as a tear slipped down your cheek, you heard the door to your bedroom slam shut.

-🌼🌼🌼- 

The following morning wasn’t a happy one as you laid in bed. You hadn’t had a dream come to you. Your sleep had consisted of tossing and turning, never able to get fully comfortable.

You were being taunted by your thoughts, contemplating everything that’d happened recently. All of the small things, and last night’s event. . .

Currently, your mind was all the way back at your first meeting— when you’d seen him that first night with Josh, the way he’d lured you in instantly. 

Then, you thought of the dreams that came so often. . . And the way he pissed you off constantly. 

Though, at the back of your mind were these small, sacred incidents.

There was the ‘thank you’ he’d offered on game night, so many weeks ago. You still didn’t know why he’d decided to say thank you. He hadn’t had to say that. He sure hadn’t done so until that point.

The night he ordered and picked up the pizza after your argument, and still wanting to sit with you and eat it after you’d berated each other about pizza toppings. 

Then, when he’d started spending some nights with you on the couch, watching New Girl. You’d noted how his proximity to you continually grew as the nights went by. The blush on his cheeks when you’d told him you were excited with him, the grin that would come on his whole face when he talked about his music. 

The night before last when you’d accidentally fallen asleep in the middle of an episode, your head having somehow landed on his stomach. He hadn’t moved you, only nudged you awake gently, not being forceful, how his voice had been soft. 

The way he’d stayed to look at your nearly-naked body in the hallway that one night. The way you’d had the time to appreciate his sharp features, the curves of his body. It made your cheeks warm to think of how you two had unabashedly stood there appreciating each other’s bodies.

Then, there was the defending you in the record store that you’d genuinely appreciated. And you hadn’t had the decency to say thank you. What if you had? Would the display on the couch have welcomed you home? Would you have ended up with him in your bed? 

Yet, somehow the plant was the action of his that stuck out the most to you. It seemed so personal. It was a sweet thought that he hadn’t needed to act on, but he still decided to. 

Your heart fluttered as you thought of all of these things. He really wasn’t the worst guy. Yeah, he had a tendency to be a massive jerk, but how much of that stemmed from his past hurt?

Last night was a kicker. Your dreams had been so close to coming to life when you made out. Your lips had touched his, you’d felt his dick against your side. . . he’d been so close to you. You were sure you’d never be able to forget the feeling of him against you, with you. And oh, and the way his hands had held your breasts. He’d known exactly what he was doing.  

But, ultimately, you had crossed a line you had told yourself you wouldn’t. One, Josh was your best friend (besides your sister, of course) and if something happened between you and Jake, and it went wrong, you didn’t want to chance losing Josh. 

You also didn’t want to be another woman in Jake’s life who could possibly destroy his dream by getting in the way of it. You had to admit, you cared too much about him to let that happen. 

You ultimately made the decision that maybe it was best to avoid Jake for awhile. 

The sound of your phone buzzing came from your bedside table, interrupting your train of thought. You grabbed it, seeing who could be texting you. Thankfully, it was only Elsie. 

Elsie, 8:59 a.m.: Meet somewhere to find outfits for tonight?

You groaned, and held a hand to your forehead. The show was tonight. You blew out a breath. It had been the farthest thing from your mind since last night’s event. 

Fuck.

Going to the gig didn’t seem like the best idea. You didn’t want to be that close to Jake so soon after last night. You weren’t sure what might happen.

You needed to make it clear to him that you were drawing a big, fat, dark line in the sand. Only friends. Only roommates. Would going to a show support that stance? You didn’t think so.

Except, Elsie was going out of her way to be in town today to attend it with you. You had to go, just to be with her. And supporting Josh was a huge deal to you. 

You groaned again, but sent her a quick response agreeing to going shopping. 

If you went tonight, you’d just have to make sure to stand far away from the stage. If you were far enough away, you could watch it, text Josh about it, and then dip out quickly.

As you got up to get ready to go shopping with Elsie, you hoped all could go according to this shaky plan.

-🌼🌼🌼-

a/n: i’m afraid there will soon be a hitch in reader’s plan….. ohhh nooo… 😏😈

there is so much coming so soon, you guys omg…. hehe. 👏🏻 we are really getting down to the wire with some of the big stuff i’ve plotted out. i. can’t. WAIT!!

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, please let me know!

& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh.

Taglist: @joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan

[artsyhamster]

Part 3!

And oh boy, this one definitely needs explanation, so see you down in the ramblings.

(1) THE FOOL / THE MAGICIAN / THE HIGH PRIESTESS  | (2) THE EMPRESS / THE EMPEROR / THE HIEROPHANT | (3) THE LOVERS / THE CHARIOT / STRENGTH | (4) THE HERMIT / WHEEL OF FORTUNE / JUSTICE | (5) THE HANGED MAND | DEATH | TEMPERANCE | (6) THE DEVIL / THE TOWER / THE STAR | (7) THE MOON / THE SUN / JUDGMENT / THE WORLD         

I gotta be real, this is my least favorite set so far. I was very unsure about the characters I chose for these and it also shows in the compositions. I might redo them at some point but I want to finish the major arcana as a whole first, before I lose myself in revisions. Maybe I shouldn’t be too harsh on myself anyway, because this is just a fun project but, ah, perfectionism.

Anyway, citations from here, as always.

THE LOVERS - Actually means that the protag feels sexual urge or need for relationship. Harry basically flirts with everyone and is still hung up on his broken relationship, that he doesn’t even remember, so the meaning here is pretty warped. So I just chose some lover figures. But who to choose? Klaasje and Lely? Well their relationship gets known pretty late, and didn’t end very nicely. Also I do not know how Lely looks like as not-a-corpse so-- Klaasje and Ruby? Seemed to me more like a fling, and didn’t interest Harry much except for some lecherous line he dropped. So I chose Sylvie and Garte, because Harry actively gets involved in their business. He can help them get together or ultimately break their relationship before it could ever bloom (Shoutout to the cock carousel) so I chose them because Harry is the most involved here.

THE CHARIOT - I’m just gonna quote for a bit “The Chariot represents the vigorous ego that is the Fool's crowning achievement so far. (...) we see a proud, commanding figure riding victoriously through his world. He is in visible control of himself and all he surveys.” Not many people with horses around there in Martinaise, only people driving cars. None of the lorry drivers fir the description for me though. The chariot is also described as commandeering and rigid, and René fit the description for me the most. He is definitely a proud person, commandeering and strict, and also surveying the world around him from his booth up at the harbour. Otherwise, yeah I got nothing. This one was just hard lol

STRENGTH - “[The fool] is pressed to develop his courage and resolve and find the heart to keep going despite setbacks.” was a line that made me very desperately want to choose Kim here, but I had other plans for him already. Strength is part of the Virtues trio, and spoiler spoiler, Kim will get his place as one of the three Virtues, but this one goes to Cuno, because I feel he is also very influential on Harry. Another quote for the card is “The Fool also discovers the quiet attributes of patience and tolerance.“ which I think fits Cuno quiet well. Because boy do you need a lot of patience and tolerance with him to make him trust and help you. But ultimately he is also there in the end if you need him (and Kim is unfortunately not present) All in all, what could make you want to get your shit together more than escaping the mocking words of a potty-mouthed kid. Horrifying lol

I tried really hard okay. I’m sure there are other interpretations but that’s the best I could come up with.Meanwhile I also bought an art book of a really pretty tarot set I saw at the last convention I was at, and there were so many lovely compositions that almost made me question what I am doing here. But again, I’m doing these for fun [*self prep talk*]. Still, take a look at this magnificient tarot deck (Instagram Link) I’m so sad they were sold out, but at least I got the art book.

Uhhh anyway enjoy. Next set will be better I promise. I like the upcoming one a lot : )

[rainbowcafelgbtqcenter]

When was the last time YOU got tested?

Today is National Transgender HIV Testing Day (NTHTD) - it's an annual observance through the CDC and other HIV-focused health organizations to spark conversations about the need for HIV testing and prevention. Like many marginalized populations, HIV disproportionally affects transgender individuals compared to the general population and has done so since the original 1980s AIDS epidemic.

It's 2024. HIV is completely treatable and preventable - as long as you have the knowledge and the tools.

Every single person should get tested for HIV at least once in their lives, even if they're not sexually active. In Illinois, once you turn 12 years old, you can get tested for HIV and prevention tools like PrEP and PEP entirely on your own without parental permission/consent.

Sexually active individuals should be tested for HIV at least once per year, regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity. HIV can and does affect everyone, so make it a part of your annual wellness routine and doctor's visit. There's a variety of ways to get tested for HIV - whether it's through an at-home test, at the doctor's office, or with an organization like us at Rainbow Cafe LGBTQ Center!

High-risk people, like individuals who frequently have unprotected sex or share injectable drugs/equipment, should get tested for HIV more often. The CDC recommends high-risk populations get tested every 3 to 6 months, depending on need. On the other hand, the CDC does not recommend anyone get tested more than 4 times a year unless...

You should get tested each and every time there's an emergency like you had unprotected sex, the condom broke, or you had to share drug equipment.

If you test negative, you have a couple of options to prevent getting HIV in the future. If you're someone who comes into contact with HIV somewhat regularly, like if you have engage in unprotected sex, have a partner living with HIV, or normally share injection drug equipment, you should consider PrEP - a daily pill that prevents HIV long-term. Alternatively, if you're someone who doesn't into contact with HIV very often and there's an emergency like a condom breaking, there's PEP, which prevents HIV transmission after exposure if taken quickly enough.

If you test positive, you'll be prescribed the necessary medications to ensure you will live a long, healthy life just like any of your other peers. It might seem scary since there still isn't a permanent cure for HIV, but living with HIV really means just taking your daily meds, doing some routine bloodwork with your doctor, and making sure to tell your future/current partners.

[butterflydm]

wot rewatch: 1x1 - leavetaking

Rewatching as prep for season two! These are going to be pretty spoiler-heavy for the books (will note how far) and kinda live-bloggy - I'm briefly pausing to note down thoughts but won't be writing out entire paragraphs. Just little notes as I go on.

Spoilers for the entire first season and some s2 spoilers plus through maybe The Dragon Reborn in the books. Maybe only The Great Hunt.

1. Fascinating how Liandrin's perspective on men and the One Power is the reverse of the truth. It's not men who make the Power filthy but the Power that makes men go wrong (because of the taint). I do think she genuinely believes what she's saying here though.

2. We get a lot of info from Moiraine and Lan here: we know there's an active prophecy, we know that the Dragon can channel, we know they should be 20 years old. We also see Moiraine's doubts and her wishful thinking both at play: she doubts/tests various parts of the prophecy but does not let herself believe he was gentled before he could ever be found.

3. The rumors in/out of the Two Rivers are interesting to think about - it sounds like the idea of ta'veren must be fairly widely known -- given that we know in TGH that at least one of Moiraine's eyes-and-ears is Tuatha'an, I wonder if the group of Tuatha'an near the Two Rivers that Egwene & Perrin run into (with Ila & Aram) is also the group that has Moiraine's spy, in the show canon. EDIT: we know from TDR about her spy, not TGH, lol

4. I am So Interested in whether or not s2 will get into the emotional details of Egwene not braiding her hair anymore.

5. It kinda feels like the show went more hardcore egalitarian for the Two Rivers than the books did -- we never hear anything about the mayor or village council and the women's circle is a rite of passage for womanhood as opposed to being a governing body.

6. Wolves! ❤

7. Some people apparently took Rand calling past-him a sap as him being... a Chad now? Very strange. He's obviously not being serious (and he brings Egwene a berry in this very episode).

8. The scene with the three boys is so good for establishing them as friends but also showing Mat is not supernaturally lucky here, and we see Rand and Perrin's concern and affection.

9. Enter our Mysterious Wanderers. It's a great dramatic entrance for our very Dramatic pair. Moiraine taking a good look around trying to clock all the twenty year olds.

10. So we get introduced to all the celebration and joy first... and then after Moiraine's intro, we get into the various emotional turmoils each of our younger cast are facing:

a. Perrin's marriage is somewhat troubled.

b. Mat's parents have created a troubled family life for him and his two sisters and he is basically the one raising his sisters even while having to deal with his drunk mom telling him he's a terrible person.

c. Rand and Egwene's relationship breaks up as they realize for the first time that they have grown into having incompatible life goals (a problem that will not go away even after their individual situations completely change).

Despite the idyllic scenery, the emotional undercurrents in the village are complex.

11. First we have Moiraine specifying that they need two beds and then we get the lovely non-sexual bath scene with Lan and Moiraine. I love how much we get to see Moiraine & Lan being platonic companions.

12. I like that Egwene and Rand truly care deeply about each other but that doesn't make their lives compatible.

13. Love how we go from the whistling background sound over the Fade to Fain actually whistling.

14. The next morning, we get Mat pawning the stolen bracelet -- this helps sets up why he steals the dagger later; Mat has an incentive to need money that isn't about being greedy. But then we also see in the later scene that his friends very much want to help him. And Mat shows deep emotional intelligence and concern with Rand as well.

15. Nynaeve gets knocked out as a Dragon candidate right away, due to being too old to be the prophecy baby. Sadly, in the process of figuring that out, Moiraine burns a bridge with Nynaeve (who already wasn't inclined to trust her).

16. The Wisdom cleaning the sacred pool fits very well with Nynaeve becoming a "servant of all" aka Aes Sedai (just like Egwene surrendering to the river is a mirror of surrendering to saidar). But also the Wisdom is really the only 'leader' that we get introduced to in the Two Rivers in the show.

17. I am very curious about if the issue of the Old Wisdom comes up again when Nynaeve is in the White Tower. Nynaeve does seem aware here that Listening To The Wind is connected to the One Power.

18. Again, I love how the Rand, Mat, Perrin friendship feels substantial here and not just because they're all the same age so they hang around together.

19. Love getting the themes here of rebirth and how the reincarnation aspect of the lore feels present in people's everyday lives.

20. Nynaeve being separate from all the other villagers so they can't see her pain. My heart!

21. Now that we've set up Life As It Is, it's time to break it so that the main story can start. Lan brings the news about the Fade & Trollocs and Moiraine confirms that she doesn't know which of the four kiddos is The One (a good thing, as it turns out).

22. Some good character work during the fight:

a. Nynaeve trying to protect and heal her people.

b. Fain just sauntering off without a care.

c. Mat going back into danger to save his sisters.

d. Perrin doing something to make him terrified of the violence inside hinsrlf.

e. We see that there's more to Rand's dad than meets the eye.

f. Rand defeats the Trolloc but at a cost (his dad getting horribly injured).

g. Egwene & Nynaeve both willing to fight back, even when they just have belt knives.

h. Once Moiraine and Lan are able to turn the fight (and we get some lovely choreography of then working as a team and seeing how Warders aid their Aes Sedai), the villagers take heart and really together against the Shadowspawn.

23. Overall just a good job showing how traumatic an attack like this would be.

24. Anyway, it felt clear to me that part of the reason our kiddos don't argue much with Moiraine after the battle is because they're all pretty shocked and traumatized. None of them have ever experienced anything like this!

25. I hope the implied flashback for Moiraine & Siuan in s2 has us getting the prophecy onscreen but it was still cool to hear Moiraine telling them about it here.

26. There's a great shot here of Moiraine facing Egwene and Rand and we see all three of them in shades of blue. Meanwhile, when we swap to Perrin and Mat, Mat has a tiny stripe of blue but the two of them are more earth-tones. Channelers vs non-channelers? Rand puts on an earth-tone coat as they leave - because he's going to be in denial?

27. Right now, Moiraine is saying they need to get to the protection of the White Tower (meaning Siuan and her attempts to ready the Tower). And that's a wrap on episode one!

[aforestescape]

as a little treat to myself for autism awareness day(at least it’s the day i wrote this; doubt i’ll finish/post today)

simon ‘ghost’ riley - how simon helps you when you need extra stimulation

content includes: suggestive topics, autistic!reader, mute!simon my beloved, non-sexual kink, knives, sensory deprivation, impact play

⊹ sex and related activities tends to take a long prep time. as a person who needs more stimulation, many toys are included during such times. twenty plus minutes spent making out and touching. groping each others flesh between greedy hands and light to medium smacks against coloring skin

- vibrators, ropes, edges and earplugs are just some of the things that fill the locked chest that comes out when you’re ready to play

⊹ some scenes aren’t even meant for sex. sometimes you’ve just had an overstimulating day, a meltdown or shutdown, and need to feel in a way you can control

- well perhaps you aren’t the one in control this time. simon wants to help you feel better so whatever you need he’s right there. he’ll help you undress and help massage out your muscles in your bed. lighting the candles you like because they aren’t too overwhelming and turning on some white noise to drown out the sound of light and electricity

⊹ depending on the mood he’ll have tied you up. denying you movement as your limbs are spread apart, tied to the pillars of your bed. he likes to watch you squirm for a while. it’s cute to him that you think you could escape knots he’s tied

- simon will flit through the chest of toys and pull out a blindfold and earplugs. holding them up as if asking which you’d prefer or if you’d like both. when you just keep squirming he grins before stalking over to you. slipping the soft fabric over your eyes and then blocking out your sound

⊹ after you’re relaxed he’ll move over you. pressing kisses to bared skin. teasing sensitive points with a soft breath or swipe of his tongue. when you’re too pliant to notice he’ll place another soft kiss and then follow it with the gentle drag of an acrylic blade

- using the flat of the knife to allow you to feel the cold material. it never fails to make you jerk in surprise, goosebumps growing over your skin. and he always chuckles when you do. a rough rumble from deep in his chest as he moves the blade to another point of flesh

⊹ he’ll keep this up for a while. playing with different pressures and drags. moving along your shoulders, the dip in your back, the swell of your ass. a particularly long and slow stride as the tip of the blade drags back up your spine.

- as he gets more comfortable with playing with you he’ll move his hands along the flesh he’s left indents in from the knife. soft and soothing brushes of large fingers. a heavy palm squeezing flesh and then a quick slap down to your ass

⊹ this time when you jump he doesn’t stop to admire his work. just goes right back to soothing touches. another drag of the blade between a roll of flesh. a sweet kiss to your neck as another slap meets your reddening cheeks

- there’s an hour of you just laying there. forced to anticipate when simon will touch you next. what he’ll do and if it’ll be soft and sweet or a snapping sharpness. they both leave you equally breathless as your mind slows. until you can’t focus on anything but your breath and the leering sting of him. just a being of felt touches and emotions

⊹ when you’re done playing, simon will usually do a light cleanup. removing the rope, blindfold and earplugs and letting them fall into the chair near your bed

- when you’ve had enough you’ll tug him into the soft mattress. pressing yourself against his body to decompress. holding each other in a cuddle and taking time to just breathe each other in

⊹ you like to bring your hand up to stroke simons hair. petting and running your fingers through golden strands. whispering to simon your thanks

“thank you for that love.”

“you were wonderful.”

“you’re so good to me.”

- praising him because after care is a delicate balance for you two. you know that even now his upbringing still haunts him. in this space, after such harsh scenes that are built upon the heavy trust you have in each other, you like to remind him most then that he’s amazing. that he’s enough and that his violence doesn’t have to be painful. that you appreciate him in every space he occupies with you

⊹ he’ll reply by lifting his head slightly. enough for you to find his pretty brown eyes, and he’ll jut his chin out. leaning in so he can give you a sweet kiss. pulling back just enough to press another on your cheek. pressing them all along your face until he’s satisfied. you’ll stay in that space for usually an equal amount of time to the scene before you decide to bathe together and worry over what to make for dinner since you’re out of safe foods

[gkt-tummyaches]

thank you for the post about the outfits and with berserk!! its soooo tiring to see this stuff crop up in the fandom

yeah ofc !! like it could be said for any of the main 9 at various pounts in the fandom's lifetime, but berserk is certainly the hottest topic popping up right now. for me, at least.

it's so exhausting when waves of fans start cropping up again with the same old problems, usually criticizing fetishism or explicit content created inappropriately (ie; with children), with refusal to understand that they're grouping everybody with a minority of the fandom. and in addition to that, not understanding how harmful it is to start throwing around accusations based on a person's content as if context doesn't matter.

it's frankly ridiculous and i blame a lot of it on the aftershocks of the 'holding people accountable' and 'cancel culture' fads. the mentality strangles a community of its creative freedom. not to mention these braindead twats who think if you draw berserk in a pleated skirt and a button-up that one becomes a pdf.file. whatever utter fucking tripe they have to back themselves up is usually rhetoric stemming from the purist/bleached content trend taking over everything.

like people aren't allowed to have opinions. or aren't allowed to have their own tastes and preferences, or their own interpretations. at this rate people condemn for the sake of censure like it's a leisure activity. it's pathetic.

this fandom has so many little things to bicker over, there's still code vs clash vs crack shipping wars or rarepair supremacy fights - and then we have to deal with people trying to tell me how i can't dress berserk up like a monster high doll ? /rh

but i digress.

i could go on this rant forever lmaooo the point is: just do what you want ? why is what you do anybody else's business, and vice versa ?

leave berserk alone u guys !!!😭😭 she's dressed like a privileged 90s prep girl to contrast her absolute menace of a personality. it suits her and i'm tired of people thinking it's a kink !!! not everything is sexual.

people just forget that for there to be a fetish there is often a larger portion of people that enjoy the source of it non-sexually. we can still have school uniform themed outfits. it's okay. i promise.

// i'm glad i wasn't the only one thinking this too btw !! thank u for the inbox it's nice to know there are others who agree sorry i got a little heated ur msg was appreciated briqkpile !! i just have a lot of thoughts on this topic, for both berserk and the ppnkg, ppg, and rrb as a whole. but we've all been there 💔

[csa-survivor-confessions]

Advice for Being With Traumatizing Families for The Holidays

Our families often played a part in our sexual trauma as children. Rather they were the CSA perpetrators themselves, left us open to trauma through neglect, were otherwise abusive, or tried to deny the abuse happened. Many of us will have to spend the upcoming winter holidays with people who traumatized us.

Here are some tips:

Try to spend time with the family member who is the least triggering

Maintain your self-care as best possible (Eat food, keep your body clean, clean your teeth, brush your hair, change into fresh clothes). This will prevent other factors from tanking your mental health

Drink lots of water. Hydration helps keep your body functioning if it becomes triggered into fight/flight/freeze/fawn

If the holiday itself is a trigger try to limit which activities you engage in. If you can avoid the pre-holiday prep then do so. Only subject yourself to what is absolutely necessary to keep you as safe and comfortable as possible

If you are religious it's okay to focus on what makes you feel observant of your faith. You don't have to agree with your family on the best way to honour what matters to you

If safe you can reject foods that trigger you. A simple "No thank you" can be enough. If possible you can offer to cook yourself an alternative to things that may not be healthy for you (EX: make a vegetarian main course the day before.)

If safe refuse to touch people you don't want to. Again you can just politely say "Thank you, but I don't want to". No is a complete sentence and anyone who tries to continue to touch you is in the wrong. You are never wrong for wanting to keep your personal space personal. You can also sit apart from abusive people on couches or at tables

Get your coping skills ready now. Prepare the ones that are closest to being muscle memory. Work on using them when not triggered and when you are. This will give you a better shot at not becoming so activated.

There is also no shame in saying you can't handle something. If safe just walk away. Take a minute to breathe and separate yourself. This can be very powerful. (If you are not dependent on your parents you can leave the entire place if dependent/ a minor then just step outside or into a bedroom)

Your physical safety always comes first. Rather that entails setting the strongest boundaries possible or acquiescing to the demands of abusive family members. You are not a cruel person for saying no and you are not weak for doing something that keeps you safe.

You don't owe abusers anything. Whatever reason you are still going home for the holidays is valid, but you can put yourself and your comfort first.

[daydreams-after-dark]

Important Notes

↳ Depiction of sexual activities:

This blog is isn’t a depiction of real life… it’s where I can write my feral shit the way I feel like.

I feel like most of us know that much of the sex we read and write is so different to reality. I mean, just because I want to fuck an alien Jisung doesn't mean I actually want to fuck an alien.

Just because I don’t always describe “prepping” in all my fics, doesn’t mean I think prep isn’t needed in real life.

Sometimes the participants are strangers and barely speak before getting naked.

Most of the time I want to get to it (as a writer and reader of smutty fanfic) because I’m impatient af.

Other times I love the extremely detailed depiction of everything.

Some parts are skipped over or briefly mentioned because other parts of the scenario is where I want to focus on.

You can write it how you want. This is a fantasy world 😈

↳ Unprotected Sex:

Most of my writing includes unprotected sex. Yes, it’s important to be safe irl. Yes, it can be hot when a person whips out a condom. But I love having my characters fuck raw most of the time. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the implications of unprotected sex.

↳ Anal Play:

Look, anal play features a lot in this blog. I am somewhat obsessed with including it in some way. It's not in all stories, but most at least have a little bit of cheeky anal fingering.

Continuing on from my first point above, there will be various levels of describing prep. Sometimes it's glossed over, sometimes a character is fingered first. It doesn't mean I think you can just shove a dick in there unprepped. But again, it's not real life and no actual assholes are hurt.

↳ Fem!skz

This theme surprised me, but here we are. I do write some fem!skz. I know it isn't for everyone, and that's totally fine. Just skip those stories.

↳ Kinks and stuff

I love including threesomes, foursomes, I want to include more group sex, gangbang scenarios.

I am obsessed with the following, and will feature throughout my writing: stretch kink, DP, creamer (fem being creamy), squirting, anal play (as mentioned), choking, voyeurism, exhibitionism. This list is growing all the time.

@kangnina @weareapackofstrays @noellllslut @channieandhisgoonsquad

[muselin]

Yeah, sorry for all the spam stuff. I just realised you've sent me some stuff I haven't responded b/c I haven't been active on here and so here I am.

I was going to send this through a DM but I feel like this may help someone so I'm going to send it through an ask.

I re-read your advice on @xiuminswifeforever ask about how they felt some sort of distress about whether to have a hoe phase or wait for an emotional connection.

And the bit that stuck out to me was when you mentioned about being 'good' in bed and having enthusiasm in the bedroom.

Now obviously, our views and opinions towards sex are quite different and it's why I like having these conversations with you.

But I do agree in that I think it's so important to at least gain experience with yourself if you're waiting for the right partner.

I have a high drive myself (I'm an Aries too, I get it) and so for the past 10+ years, I've been on my own journey of 'sensual exploration'.

And I can honestly say with a lot of confidence that I pretty know much know what my dynamics are (I'm a switch) and what my likes and dislikes are with having a thumbtack worth of experience with others b/c of things like reading smut, having toys, listening to nsfw bf asmr audios etc.

Like, I know I'm into scent play and corruption w/o experiencing it in person.

I know degradation and breeding is a turn-off for me w/o ever experiencing it in person.

I'm very insecure with my lack of sexual experience, it's obvious, I get that, I can't even deny it.

BUT!

I am confident and believe enough in myself to say that I think I'm going to be 'good' in my performance the first time.

In that I'm going to be enthusiastic, kind of know what I'm doing and not starfish b/c I know what I like and have taken A LOT of time in figuring that out.

Plus, I know extra things like having a pillow under my hips, taking extra time in prep, choosing a gentle pace is going to ensure that both me and my partner have a great experience.

And so while I think that yes, solo activity can only help you to a certain point.

I do believe your performance and 'game' is tremendously improved when you figure out what it is that you personally enjoy and get pleasure from ❤️

Yeah, their whole question was about how to be "good" in bed and actually there are quite a lot of rather specific things that contribute to that. It's not just down to it being "the right" person. They may not be the most "right" person at the start even if the emotional connection is there and to expect that is setting some people up to fail. Good communication skills across the board go far, but not everyone is equally good at all types of communication. A lot of what makes sex good is verbal AND non-verbal communication. And both are a skill that can be improved. The better you are at it, the more "right" you can be for more people because it makes you adaptable and able to connect to more people. It literally widens your pool of potential people to really click sexually with as well as emotionally.

And what you said aligns with the view I was conveying as well. If you don't know what you like, it places a lot of pressure on the other person to get it right and they don't even know what they're aiming for, it's like making them take a test without ever delivering the lessons it's on. And thinking about and exploring in your head different things you may be interested in is a great way to get "practice" without ever getting naked in a bed with another person. I can get nerdy about it but it is scientifically observable that people can get better at certain physical skills by just visualising and practicing them in their head, it lights up many of the same areas in the brain which light up when you're actually physically doing the action. It's called mental practice (cognitive rehearsal of physical skill without actual movement) if anyone wants to Google the studies.

I may not be demisexual like your OP mentioned they were I think, but if anything I do feel it's even MORE important for a demisexual to get in tune with themselves and work out their limits and boundaries with sex. What are they willing to do that stops short of sex? Hugging? Kissing? Groping over clothes? Being naked from the waist up? Showering together? Sleeping in the same bed? If it's difficult you can literally go down a checklist and think "I like the idea of this and this, but not that". That can really help communicate your boundaries and set expectations fairly when you do get into a relationship as a demisexual, regardless of whether the other person has a more typical sex drive, is asexual or demisexual like OP.

[thistleandthorn-events]

CONGRATULATIONS SAM EVANS!

Stonewall Prep would like to extend a sincere congratulations to this term’s graduate, Sam Evans. The school would like to allow Sam to through a graduation party this Saturday, June 24th, in his suite. 

Points will be available to other active students by way of Party Checklist. The following checklist is available to everyone who attends the party, and each completed item earns 10 points!

Checklist:

Buy/Make a graduation card and give it to Sam.

Buy/Make a graduation gift and give it to Sam.

Bring a dish to pass/shareable beverage to the party.

Give Sam a Hug or a Kiss (consent required). 

Start a Dance trend/tutorial at the party (must have a least one person joining in to count)

Make Sam laugh with a joke

Give or receive a sexual service publicly at the party

Guide someone with a leash, or wear a leash into the party

Public nudity for at least 30 minutes

Public BDSM scene at the party

Aftercare (only counts once)

Presentation of any talent (magic, comedy, etc - i.e entertainment not already listed)

OOC INFO

So fairly self explanatory, but to keep track make a MASTERLIST and post that link to the discord channel. Things like gifts, card, food can be pictures with a short description if necessary. The joke, dance and hug/kiss Sam can be pictures/videos/hc with the understanding from Lawr Sam would consent. Any others listed should be played out, though they can be played out in the same para should it happen that way. Masterlists are due June 30th. Any questions, please ask. Any triggering plots or plots effecting multiple people need to be run by admins.

[multifandoms27-blog]

AGE: 18

HEIGHT: 5’7”

EYE COLOR: Dark brown

SKIN TONE?: Warm Olive, tan

BIOLOGICAL SEX: AFAB

GENDER- Demi-boy / non-binary / boy (Guess you could just say I’m a “reverse trap” if that works then lol)

PRONOUNS: They/He

HAIR: Short and dark brown to black, kinda messy

BODY TYPE: Slim & fit

SEXUALITY: Demisexual and definitely attracted to (attractive) guys but I also think I’m Bi-Romantic, NOT Bi-sexual though (So..GAY?)

ASSUMED POSITION: Complete sub / bottom

STAR SIGN: Aquarius

PERSONALITY TYPE: INFP / INFJ

Calm and collected demeanor

Introverted

Fairly soft-spoken

Friendly + easy-going

Caring + sympathetic

(great) sense of humor ;)

A d0g person

Am confideable and a great listener

loyal but not clingy or super dependant on others

Shy but not a pushover

I am difficult to read / figure out + Takes a while for me to open up

Can be more outgoing when I’m at my best + and only if I’m extremely comfortable around you

I Naturally gravitate towards and make friends with down to earth and outgoing/extroverted people, or at least they are more extroverted than I am (they help bring me out though, I really am grateful for those kinds of people in my life, I adore them actually)

I LOVE people who are able to laugh with me and don’t take me as seriously as I tend to take myself

Love to be entertained by others

Scared of being vulnerable with my feelings (because of experiences)

I REALLY HATE conflict + confrontation (because of experiences) so I try to avoid it

Sometimes have Identity confusion + quite a bit of gender dysphoria that can REALLY worsen at times

Need someone who will actually see my preferred gender identity and use proper pronouns (using they/he or referring to me as his “bOyFrIeNd” when referring to me, I-just- I- would melt)

Generally unstable and have hard time regulating my emotions

Can become cold + distant

Never drank alcohol, or did drugs- not ever planning to

A lil virgin ;) (but not in my in my mind lol)

Tendency to self-sabotage

Profoundly sad most of the time

Tend to compare myself to others + underestimate myself

Cross or betray me and we’re done (tend to hold grudges)

Insecure about being perceived as dumb or unintelligent

Huge sweet tooth 🤤

want to accept and embrace someone for all that they are, and for them to do the same

Seems oblivious / blank-faced

I Love games/physical activities

I do not and will never understand happy-go-lucky and light-hearted people, they kinda annoy + piss me off

Same with people who are way too nice and eager, it’s SUS and annoying

I’ve been told many times that I look “younger than my actual age, (like 15 😬😓) I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean exactly 😞

I love to be playfully teased 🫠😏

I tend to come off as kinda “emo,” and the way I dress tends to borderline on emo anyways 🖤, but I don’t really try to. In fact I try to go out of my way not to 🥺 I’m not hating on emo style, I pretty much am emo inside, but the style/look just gets a lot of slack, so it makes me insecure. So I try to mix a little “prep” in my style 🥲 and try to wear more color and stuff like that. I just don’t want people to see me as this dark, hurting emo boy (even though I pretty much am) who is unlikable or unapproachable so I try to be different but end up putting on what feels like some kind of facade, and in the end I feel less like myself. Guess I try to be more like the person I wish I was through my style, even though I can’t deny who I am and what I’m like. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m a confusing person who is self-conflicted- it’s one of my biggest problems. I Primarily wear cooler tones, especially blue, blacks, whites, neutrals, and looser fitting clothing. I don’t wear dresses / skirts / crop tops / high heels/ high-waisted pants or anything like that. Sometimes, I do wear a more fitting crop-top tee over a fitted long-sleeve shirt and it’s subtle, but it’s a moment (Use that as a headcanon 😏 even though you know it’s canon lol). I also LOVE A GOOD SUIT. I don’t ever wear jewelry. And just to clarify, I’m more like cute-boyish-neutral-but still Kinda fem, ya know? I’m more like baby I guess. 😂🥺 I tend to not talk about my gender, but I just know that I would never refer to myself as a girl.

Hi there! This is my first matchup, so I'm not quite sure what I'm doing, but I'm going to try!

I match you with... *drum roll*

❥ Megumi Fushiguro!

I gotta say, it was between Megumi, Gojo and Yuji for a while, until you mentioned that you didn't like happy-go-lucky or eager people. Anyway!

Megumi doesn't care about pronouns. Remember what he said to Todo? "As long as they have a nice personality then I'm fine." Mans is pan, for sure.

Megumi honestly doesn't care about alcohol or drugs or sex, so any of what you mentioned in those areas he also doesn't care about

What drew him to you though was how you came off. Reserved and introverted are his favorite people. You being a dog person also helps in that regard

He's not great at comfort, so if you want comfort from him you're going to have to tell him what you specifically want

If he isn't too tired, he'll let you play with his divine dogs

Megumi also doesn't care how you dress. Once again, it's personality that matters to him

He'll refer to you however you'd like, once again that doesn't matter to him

He also wont pressure you to open up at all, but he'll still ask you what you want for comfort

Coming off as cold or distant will just make him shrug and return the favor, believing you just need your space and will come back to him whenever

• ───────────────── •

I hope I did alright. Thank you! <3

[beingatoaster]

Ask Meme: 1, 13, 24, 36!

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

I can't actually tell you all the fonts because I write in Google Docs, LibreOffice, and Notepad pretty interchangeably, and I do, in fact, use the default settings for each program! What matters a lot more to me is what font I edit in--it has to be different than the font(s) I originally wrote in, and it has to be a large-point, serifed font; Georgia, Garamond, and Bookman Old Style are all good for this, although for some reason sometimes when I'm having language-flow issues, going into Google docs and using Comfortaa helps, and I could not tell you why. Could just be superstition at this point, tbh.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I've been working at it and improving, but sexual attraction specifically is hard just from the "I don't know how it works and the dominant media models are... not great" perspective. XD;; My romances tend to turn into slow-burns unintentionally because "they're hot" just doesn't seem like a compelling enough reason to kiss someone. Porn is fine! I can work from "the character wants intimacy with this other person" or "the character is horny," either way! Attraction is hard.

Also, I don't know about "difficult to write about" is the right term when I just flatly refuse to do it, but I have a pregnancy squick a mile high and have actively made my life harder in multiple writing projects by working around having to write about it.

As for "easy," it's hard to pinpoint one thing? Especially because when I try to think of easy stuff I think about what I can sit down and just bang out with little effort and it ends up overlapping with "enjoy," so probably everything I could list would be both. Uh, gore and body horror and illness and medical detail are all quite fun, and therefore easy, to dig into and get graphic about? Despair and self-loathing and desperation are really easy to get into a character's head with... this is becoming a grim list, but when I think "subject matter" I think of, like, stuff you'd warn for. XD;; Action scenes and fights are very fun!

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

Answered here!

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice…what do you Know?

Horses! And riding (English-style, but I read fifty million "history of riding" books as a kid, so I at least have a good grounding for research into other styles). The advantage of writing mostly fantasy is that I do actually get to pull that out fairly often. :D

[sublimecatgalaxy]

la vie en rose- Part 14

Pairing: Fezco (Euphoria) x reader

-Summary: The only thing I'm going to put is it's the readers 19th birthday. Also, Ashtray is fucking funny, man.

-Warnings: Swearing, sexual activity, this part is truly 18+, mentions of abuse, mentions of loss, some angst but overall happy.

-Word Count: It's a simple 6k.

-A/n: I'm sweating and crying. There's one more chapter after this one and it's just an epilogue so... AHH. That one will probably be out early Sunday, Euphoria day!

Masterlist

Playlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9* Part 10* Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Playlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9* Part 10* Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

I didn’t expect the time between me getting drugged and my birthday to go by so fast.

I also never expected the term ‘getting drugged’ to be in my vocabulary.

Nothing made it go by faster than normal, maybe the excitement made things seem like they were going by at sonic speed. My time was being spent with my usual people, my family, preparing for my birthday. Fez didn’t leave me side for days after the night Jules and I spent out at the club. Rightfully so. Jules said if Fez wasn’t going to be with me then she would come over and sit with me until he returned. They watched me like a hawk and even that’s an understatement. They were protective over me and I appreciated it, nonetheless, I finally had people looking out for me, worrying about me.

Nate was also livid when I told him about the man at the club. I was nervous when I heard his truck pull up outside, worried that he was going to yell at me or Fez. That was the opposite of what he had in mind because when I opened the door, his arms were around my waist, tugging me to his chest. He felt terrible that I had gone through that and he felt terrible that he couldn’t have been there to bitch slap the guy who drugged me. He gave me a good spiel about not taking drinks from random people, something I probably should have known as a female but. Emotions were clouded with vodka that night. But regardless of his anger and worry, Nate was another person who offered to come sit with me if need be.

We didn’t tell Sienna or Ash what happened that night. I could see that Ash was suspicious when we came up with a sad excuse for a story. My hollow eyes and constant headache for days gave it away to Ash. But I told Sienna that I got super drunk and was super hungover the next day.

And it wasn’t a complete lie, I was hungover as hell. So was Jules, her sunglasses shoved onto her nose as she laid next to me in Fez’s dark room, the only light being the lava lamp by the door. Fez waited on us hand and foot, making sure that we were okay and had everything we needed throughout the day. He watched me like a hawk no matter who was there with me. I think he was worried that my body was going to take a turn for the worst, though that was the least likely thing to happen. He had experienced enough loss in his life and he was just being careful. Proactive. I couldn’t blame him and I couldn’t deny the heat in my cheeks as he took care of me with a proud smile.

In the time between Fez’s birthday and mine, I took the time to apply to colleges for the next year, my main goal being UCLA and their amazing diving team. Between it being close and I had aid due to my financial situation, or lack thereof, it was perfect. I had the support from my coach at the highschool, telling me that if I ever needed a letter of recommendation to email her and that she would go above and beyond. Between that and Sienna going into her Junior year at the high school, the months had gone by smoothly with nothing terrible happening in between.

It was shocking honestly.

But last night was the night that I had waited for in that time that went by.

The night before my 19th, my heart was pounding in my chest as Fez practically counted down the numbers on the clock, waiting for it to hit midnight. Ash and Sienna were already asleep, prepping for the next day, for my party. But Fez and I couldn’t sleep. We could barely relax and sit still.

In all the time that we spent just waiting for my 18th birthday, then to decide to wait till my 19th, it was painful. We made it and we figured it out along the way but, still, it was painful. But the time finally came, the clock striking twelve as Fez stepped across the room, his lips pressing against mine as he held me close. The kiss was different and with him texting ‘I love you’ only weeks ago, everything was different. Our whole relationship was different now that I was 19.

The kiss wasn’t the only thing that changed.

I can’t deny the heat between my legs, my heart pounding in my chest as Fez’s hands rest on my bare back. I had been waiting for the right moment for years, the moment where the two of us could finally take it further, whether that be kissing or…

Fez leans away from me, his lips swollen as he grins like an idiot. I wear a similar smile, my cheeks already hurting as I gaze up at him through my eyelashes. His eyes glimmer with something mischievous in nature, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as my eyebrows raise. My cheeks warm at his wicked grin, my breathing quickening as he reaches up to cup my cheeks.

“Happy birthday.” He whispers breathlessly, his eyes flickering between mine as I look to his lips. Without hesitation, I lean forward, pressing my lips against his once more, not caring that I’m being overly needy. He senses my need, his hands trailing down from my cheeks, to my neck, then to my back where he pulls me against him, my arms winding around his neck. Our kiss is messy, both of our heads tilting to deepen the kiss as he backs me up, my feet blindly following his lead. When my back hits the wall, I let out a soft sigh, his lips leaving mine to travel down to my chin, then onto the sensitive skin of my neck. I whimper, a needy whine leaving my lips as he nips at my neck, happy to be where he is with full permission and no issues. We didn’t have any rules anymore, no guidelines. Just us.

I feel Fez’s hands on my hips, them lowering down as he takes me into his arms, a squeal leaving my lips. Instinctively, I wrap my legs around his waist, his hands resting on my ass as he holds me up. The kiss gets more heated by the minute, our tongues mingling as he groans quietly, his lips detaching from mine as his head moves to rest on my shoulder. I catch my breath in gasps, my cheeks warm and my core aches as he glances up at me. His pupils are blown, similar to how they look when he’s high but we both know it’s a completely separate reason.

“I don’t wanna do this if you’re not ready.” He whispers, his nose nudging mine as my brain fogs, not completely processing his question as I press a lazy kiss to his cheek. He chuckles quietly, his hands let me down, my feet hitting the ground as I pout. The tone in the room changes, my eyebrows pulling together as I grab the front of his shirt, pulling him in for a kiss as he laughs. “Fine.” He mutters between kisses, placing one last one on my lips before taking my hands in his. Pulling me out of the living room and down the hallway, my heart pounds wildly in my chest. The hallway seems to be ten times longer, my head spinning as it comes up with ideas of what’s going to happen.

He opens the door for me, gently placing a hand on my back as he guides me into the room, nerves swirling in my tummy. I wait patiently, the sound of the lock clicking making my mouth dry as I turn around to look at him. He keeps the light off, the only light coming from his lava lamp that I love so much. Watching as his eyes look over me, I gently sigh, a smile appearing on my lips as he blushes in the low light.

“You nervous?” He asks quietly, reaching up to cup my cheeks gently, his gaze completely different than it was just moments ago. I send him a small shrug, the word ‘yes’ getting stuck in my brain as he chuckles. He leans down, pressing a kiss to both of my cheeks before placing one on my waiting lips. I hum at the contact, my eyes fluttering shut as his hands move to rest on my waist. I tentatively place my hands on his chest, my fingers wandering as he hums, my palms sliding under the fabric of his shirt to rest on his bare skin. He shivers at the contact, his lips briefly moving from mine as he lifts his shirt up, slipping it over his head. My eyes don’t open as he drops the shirt to the ground, my lips finding his own immediately. My hands now explore the new territory, my nails dragging down his chest as he moans, the grip he has on my waist tightening as he pushes me down onto his bed. I stare up at him, the breath leaving my lips as he smiles smugly. He reaches down, his fingers wrapping around my ankles as I go to ask him what he’s doing but before I can, he uses them to pull me to the edge of the bed. My back hits the mattress with a soft oof, a giggle leaving my lips as he presses a kiss to the inside of my shin. I smile at the romantic move, watching as his hands wander down the expanse of my open thighs, his body slotting in between them perfectly.

Like the spot was made for him.

“I am kind of nervous.” I whisper, my voice barely audible as he nods gently, his hands gripping the skin of my thighs as I sigh.

“Don’t need to be. I’ll do whatever you say.” He responds simply, my eyebrows raising at the confession. My head spins as if I didn’t know that was true. I knew that he would do anything I wanted, anything I asked of him. I nod, my cheeks heating up as the room does too, the thought of marijuana sounding absolutely amazing right now. But his lips are a good enough drug for now to help me calm down. Fez leans down, his hands going under my shirt as I shiver, his cold hands bringing me back to reality. “Sit up a bit.” He mutters, my back lifting off the bed as he lifts his shirt over my head, throwing it to the side.

His face lights up, the sight of my bare chest in front of him making him fold. He lets out a shaky breath, his nerves now front and center, his hands resting on my thighs as I chuckle. He blushes gently, his gaze flickering away from me as he smiles bashfully. Reaching towards him, I grab his hands, gently lifting them to place them on my breasts. He’s stunned for a moment, his jaw dropping briefly as he stares down at his hands.

He takes his time, learning the new terrain, his hands gently kneading as my eyes flutter shut. My body jolts as he brushes over my nipples, a louder moan leaving his lips just at my reaction. I sigh, watching as he crawls between my thighs, his lips attaching to mine in a messy kiss. My lips are swollen at this point, needing him closer as I claw at his back. His groans and my soft pants are the only thing to be heard in the room, my hands leaving his cheeks to travel down his chest and further down his abdomen to rest on his waistband. His lips detach from mine, his eyes flickering down to look at my eager, wandering hands as he breathes out aggressively.

“I’m gon’ be honest. Picturing you naked is the most productive thing I’ve done all day.” He whispers, his blue eyes lifting to look at me as I grin, my hands gently pulling at his waistband to snap it against his skin. He hisses delightfully at the contact, his hand playfully slapping my thigh. “I’m gonna ruin you.” He chuckles, his lips dipping down to press to my collarbone, down to my chest as I hum, my fingers clawing at his shoulders.

“Fuck.” I whisper as his lips brush against my nipple, my back arching into him as he playfully chuckles.

“Watch your mouth.” He whispers, his gentle kisses contrasting against the little nips he leaves on the sensitive skin of my breasts. He’s way more teasing than I ever could’ve imagined. I thought by now that he’d already be deep in me, unforgiving and moaning happily. The fact that he’s taking his time warms me to my core and it makes me want to urge him to go faster.

“Didn’t you say you were gonna blow my back out?” I ask with an evil grin, my hands reaching up to brush through my hair as he sends me an impatient glance. “I’d say this isn’t living up to your promises.” I tease, his fingers wrapping around the waistband of my sweatpants to pull them off of my hips in one fluid motion. I giggle at his eagerness, my eyes soft as I watch him press kisses to the inside of my thighs.

“I like makin’ you wait.” He whispers against my inner thigh, his nose brushing against my clothed core as I whine. “Plus, you can act snarky all you want. But I can see the absolute mess you’re makin’ of yourself.” A moan leaves my lips at his words, my head spinning as my fingers grip at the blanket beneath me. “I bet you can get louder, hmm?” He teases, his lips trailing up my body as I pout up at him. “Oh, am I bein’ mean?” He chuckles, my head bobbing in a nod as I gently slap his waist. “Whatchu want?” He asks, his voice low as he tilts his head gently at me.

“You.” I whisper, my voice coming out strained and forced. He smirks, his lips briefly pressing against mine as his nose bumps against mine. He shakes his head, tutting at me quietly.

“You been waiting all this time and that’s all you can come up with? You actin’ like I don’t already know that.” He teases with a chuckle, a grin on my lips as I roll my eyes. “You gotta be specific.” He chuckles, a frustrated groan leaving my lips as he gently places kisses down the expanse of my neck, waiting for my orders. “Hmm? You want me inside of you?” He asks, his nose dragging against my cheek as I whine, my head bobbing in a needy nod as he hums. It’s as if my brain is short circuiting, my eyes closing as his presence overwhelms me. He presses a kiss to my cheek and I watch him as he sits up, his hands working to untie the string of his sweatpants.

“Yay.” I whisper, my hands raising in a gentle clap as he shakes his head, a laugh leaving his lips. He pulls himself out of his sweatpants, both of us just left in one garment each. He stares down at me, his eyes taking a mental photo of me as he looks over my body. I can only imagine how it looks from his angle, my breasts rising and falling with every violent breath I take, my hair around me on the bed, my arms tossed to my sides, lips swollen and damp. And from my angle, he looks perfect, the dark blue light making him glow softly in the dark room. “Come on.” I whine, reaching up to place my hands on the band of his boxers, looking up at him through my lashes. “I want you inside of me. Please.” I ask, his eyebrows raising as a sly smile covers his face.

“Well shit, all you had to do was ask.” He chuckles, his fingers wrapping around my wrists to pull my hands away from his boxers. I pout, but it quickly fades as I watch his hands make their way down my thighs, his thumbs hooking in the material of my panties. My legs twitch at the contact, my eyes following his hands all the way down my legs as he pulls my panties away from my body, leaving me bare. He looks over me, a grin on his face as he chuckles. “You’re fucking beautiful.” He whispers, my cheeks heating up at his words as I go to close my thighs, his hands stopping them immediately. “Don’t gotta hide from me. Not now, not ever.” He whispers, his gaze latching on mine as I bite my lip, his eyes flickering from my eyes to his hands on my thighs. Just when I think he’s going to return to my lips and carry on, he leans down, his eyes lifting to mine and not leaving them as he gently places a kiss against my heated core.

Fuuuuuuuuck. That was hot.

I reach down, grabbing his shoulders to pull him up to me as his lips press against mine, a moan leaving both of our lips as his hands work on getting himself out of his boxers. He fumbles with a laugh, our kiss not breaking as we giggle nervously. He gently leans down, his boxers finally discarded, his body positioned between my thighs as he kisses me softly. “You okay?” He asks, breaking the kiss as I nod, my hands gripping onto his biceps that rest next to my head. “You gon’ tell me if it hurts? Even if you're uncomfortable, I’ll stop.” He whispers, my heart pounding as I mutter a quiet ‘okay’, one of his hands leaving the side of my head to reach down between us. I gasp as he gently brushes his fingers against my entrance, a sigh leaving his lips with a curse. “You make jokes about drippin and shit, but fuck, they’re not jokes, are they?” He asks, my head shaking as he chuckles, shocked. I close my eyes as he positions himself against me, his hand coming up to intertwine his fingers with mine. He gently presses a kiss to my cheek as I take a deep breath in.

Making my way out of the bedroom, my thighs ache as I try to make it not as obvious. It’s a job I’m going to fail because I know the minute Fez sees me waddling, he’s going to make fun of me. Clearing my throat as I enter the living room, Sienna and Ash sit on the couch, her legs thrown over his lap as Fez sends me a bashful wave. I chuckle quietly under my breath, making my way over to him as he fills another cup with coffee, handing it to me silently. He watches me intently as I gently stretch, my back cracking in the process. We avoid each other's gaze, still embarrassed from last night, both of us leaning against the counter.

“Y/n got fucked!” Ashtray yells out suddenly, Fez’s face dropping in annoyance as he stares at his brother. Sienna giggles loudly, covering her face as she shoves Ash off of the couch, Fez already taking strides across the room as Ash recoils. Then Ash is everywhere, trying to avoid Fez as he tries his best to get his hands on the boy. Sienna and I giggle, watching Ashtray hop the couch as he runs down the hallway, the door closing with a slam. Fez chuckles, his hand reaching around to rub the back of his neck, trying to catch his breath.

“Sorry bout that ladies.” Fez huffs, sending a polite wave to Sienna who sits on the couch, engulfed in giggles at the funny scene of cat and mouse. Fez looks over to me, my hands wrapped around the mug as I take a sip with a chuckle. He watches my lips as he approaches me, his arms trapping me against the counter as he looks down at me. “How ya feelin’?” He asks quietly, his eyes flickering between mine as I smile smugly.

“Good.” I whisper, taking another sip, his hands moving to rest on my sore hips. “Still sore.” I wince, his eyes looking down at my bare thighs. I watch as he gulps, his chest rising in a heave as I laugh. “Last night definitely topped my birthday present from last year.” His gaze catches on the cold chain around my neck, a sheepish laugh leaving his lips as he turns away from me.

“Fuck, stop saying that shit. Or you're gonna be on your back in a second.” He threatens with a wink, making his way around me to go into the fridge. I smirk at him, my feet taking me to the living room as Sienna’s giggles die down. Throwing myself down on the couch next to her, she grins at me, my cheeks heating up at her knowing glance.

“Happy birthday, sis.” She whispers, reaching over to shove me playfully. I grin at her, the coffee in my hands warming my body up as she covers my legs in her blanket. Hearing a door down the hall creak open, I giggle to myself, looking over to Fez who sends me a wink.

“I’m gon’ come out right now but ain’t nobody gonna touch me because I have a gift for the birthday girl!” Ash calls out, Sienna chuckling next to me as Fez calls out that it’s safe for him to come out. I watch as Ash peeks his head out around the corner, his eyes glaring at Fez before he approaches out couch. He has a small envelope in his hands, my name scribbled out in the front as I chuckle. I look to Fez who shrugs at me, not knowing what this is about. Maybe this time it is really just from Ash. Ash hands the present to me before quickly making his way to the couch opposite of us, wiping his sweaty hands on his pants. “It’s kind of for the both ‘a you, I guess.” He murmurs sheepishly, my eyes looking over to Sienna who blushes vividly. My nimble fingers work at the seal, peeling it off as I pull the contents out. Reading it over, my head shakes as I grow even more confused.

“A police report? Why-” I cut myself off, my fathers name written across the top catching me off guard. My heart stalls, Sienna’s eyes peeking over my shoulder to read the piece of paper. My eyes flicker up to Ash’s, my jaw dropping as Fez approaches us from the side to read the piece of paper too. “For drug possession- what?” I ask, my hands handing the paper off to Fez.

“I gave the cops an anonymous tip. Turns out he had a warrant out for his arrest for some DUI’s and lack of court appearance.” Ash explains simply with a shrug, the air leaving my chest as tears fill my eyes.

“Man, you actually helped the cops for once.” Fez points out, my eyes flickering to Sienna who is speechless. She stares at Ash, her eyes wide, no words leaving her lips as she glances at me. “He’ll probably be away for a good while. Few years at least. If he doesn’t get his ass killed.” Fez laughs, looking at Ash with a proud gaze. “You did good man.” He gently pats his brother on the shoulder, a sheepish grin covering Ash’s lips.

“W-Why? Ash, I mean…” I trail off, the words stuck in my throat as tears overflow from my eyes. Fez gently rubs the back of my head, my temple resting on his hip next to me as he coos quietly. Ash sends me a gentle smile, his eyes looking up to Fez.

“No one fucks with our girls.” He replies simply and that must’ve done it for Sienna because she’s out of her seat, her arms wrapping around Ash as she tackles him to the couch. I laugh loudly, wiping my eyes from tears as I think of what this means. This gives me time, years, to not have to worry about looking over my shoulder. I don’t have to worry about Fez or Ash getting jumped, Sienna getting hurt. None of it.

“Thank you, Ash. This means the world to me. To both of us.” I whisper, Ash sending me a smile over Sienna’s shoulder, his eyes gleaming with happiness. Sienna pulls back with a loud sniffle, Ashray looking nervously at her as she grins.

“Wanna frame it?” Ash asks her with an excited gasp, Fez and I bursting out in laughter as Sienna nods excitedly.

Hours later, all of my friends surround me, Fez’s arm protectively around me as he takes a hit off of his joint, passing it to me. I’ve been sitting in silence, my ears occasionally picking up on one of the many conversations being had around me. The TV plays Spongebob, a group favorite, the noise low as Maddy and Cassie watch it intently. They must be high. Like babies in front of sensory videos.

My mind travels back to the last year, all of the things happening between Fez and I, my friends finding out about my dad, Sienna and I moving in, school ending; so much has happened. I think back to a year ago, the memory of mine and Fez’s first kiss front and center. Occasionally, the happy memory invades my dreams, waking up with a smile and starting my day on the right note. It’s ironic that our first kiss was exactly a year apart from our first time. Looking up at Fez, a smile on his face as he talks to Rue beside him. Getting their attention with a subtle cough, I hand the joint to Rue, her eyes gleaming as Fez’s attention switches to me completely.

“I love you.” I whisper, my fingers intertwining with his as he blushes, his lips dipping down to press against mine as the room cheers. Pulling back, I chuckle nervously, my eyes flickering around the room as my friends laugh. Fez leans down, his lips pressed against my forehead as he whispers a reply.

“I love you too.” A grin breaks out across my lips as I look around the room, my friends all smiling and happy. Seems like the first time I’ve ever seen them all in the same room without a fight breaking out. Nate, Cassie, Maddy, Lexi, Kat, Rue and Jules all surround me. Sienna and Ash went back to one of their rooms, deciding to leave us all alone while they played games. Kids. Sienna was unable to pull herself away from Ash, her trust growing and feelings growing fonder since he gave us the police report. She really is becoming just like me. The feeling of my phone buzzing beneath me snaps me out of my thoughts, my hand reaching down to pick it up, as I read the message over.

Lexi I’m sorry that I lied to you. I’m happy that you’re happy and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Truly.

As I glance up at her, I give her a small forgiving smile, nodding my head in understatement. I put my phone away, telling her silently that it’s all good as she looks to Jules next to her, returning to her conversation. Fez leans over, gently pressing a kiss against my cheek as I tuck myself into him.

“I wonder how the kids are doing.” Fez whispers, a laugh leaving my lips at him calling him ‘the kids’. It was something he did often, it was just natural for him to say but it makes my heart warm every time. His eyes look down to me as I shrug, my hand patting his thigh as I stand up, deciding to go check. “Hurry back, I miss you already.” He winks to me, my head thrown back in laughter as I leave the room, my feet carrying me down the hallway.

Checking my room first, my head peeks in, seeing no one in there. Must be in his room. My hand reaches for the doorknob across the hall, not bothering to knock as I open the door, my jaw dropping at the sight. Ash and Sienna pull away from each other quickly, Ash practically shoving her away from him. I watch as they both wipe their lips with the backs of their hands, my eyes widening as I look between the two of them. Sienna covers her face in her hands, hiding her vivid blush as Ash rubs the back of his neck, not meeting my eyes.

“Fezco!” I yell, my hands on my hips as I push the door further open, my eyes glaring at the two of them. Fez approaches me quickly from the side, his arm dipping around my waist as he looks between the kids and I. “Guess what I just caught them doing?” I ask, my eyebrows sky rocketing as he shrugs softly before looking between the two teens. Moments later, his face lights up in realization, his eyes rolling.

“Oh shit.” He chuckles, his hand gently smacking my ass playfully as I huff. “They really are like us!” He cheers, my hand reaching over to smack his chest as I look back to my sister who finally has come out of hiding. She cringes, her hands still on her cheeks as she looks to Ash. “Imma let you handle this.” Fez whispers, his lips pressing against the side of my head reassuringly.

“Ashtray, use a condom, always, I don’t gotta tell you this. Sienna, we’re going to the gyno and getting you on birth control. I don’t need babies having babies. I know what happens after kissing. Trust me, I know.” I fold my arms over my chest, Ashtray now covering his face in his hands, shaking his head as I chuckle. “I’m never letting you live down the fact that I caught you making out with my sister, Ash.” I point out, his head nodding as he groans into his hands loudly. Sienna laughs, reaching over to rub the boys back as I snort, turning to look at Fez, his eyes wide as he gazes at me. “I’m never letting you live this down either. You and your brother have the same type.” I snort, reaching to pull the door closed, trying to get the image out of my mind. Fez chuckles, his lips dipping down to press against mine in a soft kiss, a small hum rumbling in my chest. Fez gently pats my butt, pulling away as he pulls me towards the living room.

Our friends watch us as we silently return to our spot on the couch, my legs immediately thrown over Fez’s. No one asks, but I can tell from Jules’ expression and the wink she sends my way that she knows exactly what happened. Turning to take the joint from Fez, my phone buzzing once more in my pocket makes me groan. My hands reach down to open it, my fingers tapping at the screen aggressively. Seeing a notification across the top of my screen, I huff, unsure of what it is as I open it. My heart drops in realization, my mind reading over the letters over and over again.

Read note from mom.

Fez senses my change in attitude, his eyes flickering down to read the words on my screen. He hums quietly in acknowledgement, his hand gently rubbing my thigh up and down reassuringly. I look up to him, his head bobbing in a nod, almost silently telling me to go do it, that he would be here if I needed him. Standing back up, I quietly excuse myself as tears rise to my eyes, my mind thinking of where the note could be and what it’s contents would have in store.

Along with the suicide note that my mom left behind, she left two more notes on top of that. One for my 19th birthday, the importance being that she had me when she was 19, and one for Sienna when she turns 18. I remember worrying about getting to my 19th birthday, wanting to read it then and there. With how life was back then, I wondered if I was even going to be alive at 19 and, if I was, what I would be doing with my life. Looking back on younger me, she’d be happy where I ended up. Especially because I ended up in Fez’s bed every night.

Going into mine and Sienna’s bedroom, I immediately go to the first place where I can think of it being; the small jewelry box tucked away in one of the boxes in the closet. I sit down, my knees tucked under me as I look for the small box, my hands finding it after a few minutes of pulling things out. Opening the top, the note is tucked perfectly on the touch, untouched and safe. Pulling the tape off of it, I unroll the piece of notebook paper, my eyes tearing at the sight of her handwriting.

My sweet baby.

I hope that you’re reading this and you’re out of the hell that we were in together with your dad. I pray that you took Sienna and ran as far as you possibly could, not looking back and not feeling any ounce of guilt. You guys always deserved better than that, so did I. I pray that you two don’t hate me still, if you ever did. I’m so sorry for leaving you, your momma loves you and loved you with her whole heart. I know that you know that, I know that Sienna knows it but I want you two to feel the love that I felt for you.

I hope that you both meet someone that makes you feel all of the love that I felt for you. I hope you two are successful; diving, swimming, whatever it is you two do in life. I know you’re protecting your sister, you always did that better than I ever could. She’s sensitive and she needs you to toughen her up. I know that by now you would’ve graduated high school, probably applied to UCLA if you still have the same dream you did the last time we talked about it. If you don’t, it’s probably for a good reason and I’m proud of you nonetheless. I never cared about grades or anything like that, I just knew that you were successful and you were going to continue to be successful no matter what you do in your life.

Oh baby, I hope you fall in love. I hope you’re already in love with the person that’s going to be yours for the rest of your life. You deserve a lifelong love. The type of love I have in you.

I hope that he or she sweeps you off your feet and into their arms without a second thought. Anyone who doesn’t love or want you doesn’t know what they’re missing. And frankly, they’re really fucking stupid. I hope that they’re sweet, that they’re kind and soft, hopefully they’ll mellow you out and get you to relax a bit.

You were the love of my life, Y/n.

The moment I had you, I was in love with you. This perfect angel in my lap, our favorite French song playing in a lullaby version around us as I just stared at you, completely enthralled by your every move. ‘la vie en rose’, I still remember it. I remember asking the nurse for the name of the song, needing it. I remember playing it to you when you were young, barely walking but your eyes would light up whenever I turned it on. It was the only thing that helped calm your cries.

I hope you’re happy and I hope you’re healing from what your father and I put you through. I’m so sorry, my love. I hope you forgive me one day.

Momma’s thinking of you always and forever, babygirl.

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