#let’s play a game called has my hyperfixation gone too far

[insomnaticwriter]

Sorta obsessed with Duolingo at the moment and yeah it’s cause of young royals and yeah I’m looking into colleges in Sweden… fuck

[piratewithvigor]

How I listen to each of my favourite bands (a bullet point piece)

Aerosmith: They're on the radio. It's the fifth time today. Somehow never the same song. Until tomorrow, anyway. One will make you homesick. One will make you sit in slack-jawed awe of Joe Perry. One will make you curse the day he was born. They all make you love him. In the back of your mind, your thumbs hurt.

The Beatles: You have all the studio albums on your iPod nano with the scroll wheel. It has 2GB of space, so there's nothing else. You sing along to the songs with your best friend in 7th grade during school. The teacher tells you to keep it French or to shut up. You switch to "Michelle" because you're 12 and a smartass.

Bon Jovi: You're on the bus home from a long day of fifth grade. When you get home, the same old, same old. You don't know it yet but this is the beginning of your depression. As you graduate from Crossroads to a 2-Disc Best Of, everything feels worse. You work on a puzzle in the basement and even though maybe no one will ever love you, Bon Jovi understands.

Buddy Holly: For the first time since high school started, you have a friend. She's wonderful and she understands you. Maybe there's 3 time zones between you, but it doesn't stop you from digging a hole deep into a fantasy world that you live in for months with her. Buddy's music is simple and the records are bright yellow. Maybe everything will be okay.

David Bowie: You didn't care when he died. You didn't know better. You got a CD of greatest hits for your birthday two months later. You still didn't understand the fuss all too well. A few tracks pop out at you and you get the album that features them. Dad insists you listen to the album in the dark on the floor (he doesn't say while smoking weed, but if it were the 70s, you would have). Finally you understand: David understands you.

Def Leppard: You're 13 and trying to find your place in the world. Trying to make a name, so you write. As the characters who make no sense are fleshed out in 1667 words every single day, the drum loop that finished Pyromania follows you around.

The Doors: You don't know how Jim Morrison came into your life. Maybe it was by an experiment gone wrong or a curiosity. Your classmates question why you're reading a book with a shirtless man posed as if being crucified. You don't know how to answer that you think you might be him. You hadn't believed in reincarnation, but he sparked something inside you. You can feel consciousness slip away when he plays his game called 'Go Insane'. You hold a Celebration Of The Lizard for a poetry slam and the adrenaline pushes you through your fear. You feel Jim's words in your actions for years. He watches you when you sleep.

GNR: You send your siblings out of the basement. They aren't old enough to hear swear words in music and you want to listen to Appetite in the dark. You want to jump on top of the couch and punch the floor. You can feel Axl's anger and it courses through you.

Journey: You've been told you look like Steve Perry. You aren't sure if it's a compliment or an insult. You think you sound like him. You know all the words to Don't Stop Believing at the school dance. Your first memory of your boyfriend was him singing it at the talent show. Your last memory of him is singing I'll Be Alright Without You, severing the final tie. Wheel In The Sky opens your next day. Things don't feel okay anymore.

KISS: You're 4 years old and your Dad is watching the scariest freaks you've ever seen on the TV. In the next scene, the scariest one is sitting and talking to people who look like your grandparents. You forget about them for 7 years. They show up again in your newest hyperfixation and you give them a chance. The freaks who once scared you strip away your fears and set you free.

Led Zeppelin: Your imagination was just opened to the possibilities of stories beyond the realms of reality. What you thought you never knew opened you to a new layer of your past that you didn't understand. The tendrils of influence wrap around every part of your future.

Motley Crue: The writings paint them as the villains. In many ways, they are. In just as many ways, they're the same scared kids you are. For better or for worse, they bring you into a community. There, you experiment hurting yourself in ways therapists don't look for. The greatest friend you could ever want.

Ninja Sex Party: They're a rock band for kids who don't understand rock bands. You have no physical media for them and it feels like you may never get the chance. Copies are limited. So your spotify is thick with every song they've ever recorded. They're fleeting and they're your rock.

Queen: You know just a little too much about them. They're bigger characters than the radio lets them be. You love Bohemian Rhapsody before you begin to hate it before you learn to love it once more.

Rammstein: As they bleed for their art, so you bleed for yours. Perhaps out of spite, perhaps out of desperation, but plague cuts your work short. It cuts you from the glory you could have had. The first album you've ever waited for the release of by a band.

Reckless Love: Never before has a band felt so attainable and yet so far away. Your family doesn't understand them, so you hide them away. The only recklessness was falling in love.

Rolling Stones: Angie helped you through more than you know. The lips are on your tapestry for a reason. You were blind for so much for so long. You never gave them a chance. They're using their chance now.

Rush: Once shrugged-off nobodies. You gave them a chance out of curiosity and desperation. Now you can't understand the possibility of never having liked them. They brought you your first great grief and your first proof of miracles. The red star of the solar federation burns bright. Assume control.

Styx: You're standing in the snow. The bus is an hour late. You can't contact your parents because they took your one method of contact as a punishment for not making your bed. You're listening to a Greatest Hits on your iPod. Crystal Ball. It's an hour. Blue Collar Man. You get home and no one noticed you were late. They're eating without you. Suite Madam Blue.

Tom Petty: The news hits you. Your throat is blocked and you don't say anything. You listen to I Won't Back Down before telling your Dad. He was the first you experienced while being a fan. He wasn't the last. You torture yourself artistically in his honour. You attend a tribute concert and scream yourself hoarse.

Tuff: You want to leave home and block out all the memories as best you can. Stevie makes it impossible. But he's also one of the only ones there as all your best friends who aren't online forget your birthday. He acknowledges you.

Van Halen: The grief is insurmountable. For weeks afterwards, Eruption makes your heart sink. 5150 makes you cry instead of imagine pleasant nonsense as it once did. There is no comfort. If he can go, what's stopping anyone else?

The Who: Maybe they got to your head a little. You were sitting in a room in school for hours each day, completely alone except for Tommy playing on your tiny laptop. No supervision. No classmates. Just your monstrosity of a project and Tommy.

[stariwrites]

👀👀👀👀 Ship your moots

Alright I’m putting this under a readmore because I’m going to try and include all of my moots so let’s see how I do. They’re going to be split up half and half so this is the first half. I’m determined also I may have gone overboard but it’s chill

Edit: adding more here!

@dabitdabi Keigo for sure, they’d be so powerful it would be insane😩, he’d be so cute and flustered and Cheshire is such a sweetheart he’d practically drop everything for her if she needed it. The type of couple who compliment each other, she’d remind him to take care of himself and make sure he knows that shes somebody he can depend on/talk to at the end of the day. And he’ll take care of her too, make sure he remembers her favorite food, flower, blanket you name it he’ll remember.

@sleepyrintaro (ik you’re on a hiatus love but I wanted to include you too) Kuroo, another absolute unit. When I tell you they’re both geniuses and when they’re together they’re either the most intelligent people or have one brain cell shared and there’s no in between, there’s no in between. Rin is amazing and is so kind/has such a big heart the two of them would have so much fun together and be so fun to be around. Kuroo would love hearing about psychology and it would basically turn into talking about hyperfixations going back and forth.

@rukunas Sukuna hands down. Rue is so sweet and has the best vibes and I feel like Sukuna would be drawn to that. The soft but only for you trope definitely comes into play here. Sukuna would look so intimidating and tease Rue but then get flustered half way through. King of curses or not he can be really intimidating one minute but as soon as you need him he’s instantly like ‘what’s wrong baby what happened?’ (Basically the Gordon Ramsey with kids vs with adults comes into play here).

@kkodzvken Dabi or Toga, Lune is a sweetheart and I feel like both Dabi and Toga would look at them and instantly think ‘I want to protect them.’ This relationship would be very cute in its own way because they’d all watch out for each other. Dabi would smile so fondly it would be a crime, but if he’s ever called out on it he would 100% deny it and you can’t convince me otherwise. He’d let Lune wear his coat around if they wanted to. With Toga, she’d do skin care (if you wanted to) and would adore shopping dates! Loves cuddling and just snuggling up to you too!

@katslutski I cannot stress this enough: Nanami Kento. They both value independence and Nanami would take care of you if you needed it. He’d love chilling and watching movies or reading quietly with Kat and nobody can convince me otherwise. Slow dancing in a kitchen would be a must at least once. They’d have separate apartments but spend a lot of time at the others. He’d send texts from time to time asking how she is and would enjoy making dinner together with her. Nothing relaxes him more than the time they have together. Kat is so fun to talk to and is honestly amazing and so is Nanami so they would for sure have the best convos too.

@pupimouto Chuuya hands down. Babi is honestly amazing and Chuuya would be so enamored. He’d also have the thought of ‘Must protect.’ Adores her, the red and pink aesthetic for sure. He’d get into a fight if anybody looked at her the wrong way. If there’s a bad day he’d be there to hold her close to her and reassure her and if she kisses him or holds his hand/tells him she loves him? Gone he has ascended, he’ll smile for the rest of the day.

@oilivia Oikawa. Liv deserves the best and who is Oikawa if he doesn’t provide? Their relationship is super fun, he’d listen to her playlists and playfully tease her a bit but it’s all in good fun. (He makes sure not to go too far and cross a line) the type of relationship where they both bicker playfully, but also have really deep convos. They also balance each other out and help each other to either break out of their shell or relax and just focus on the present. Communication between them is amazing, they make it look so easy. Both of them are able to confide in the other knowing it’s a safe space and there will be no judgement. Oikawa also loves to fluster her in public by calling her cute pet names.

@bakugohoex Jean Kirschtein, they’re able to be independent but also comes together. The best friends before being lovers type of thing. Ria is amazing and Jean would be there to hang out with her and makes sure to call her beautiful everyday. He adores the little domestic moments the most and would love hearing about her day and would check in throughout the day with ‘Hey baby how are you doing?’ Attentive and he’s a very good listener. They’d both work so well together! He seems like the type to theorize movies and so they’d both exchange their own and see who’s closer to what’s actually going on.

@chaos-night *deep inhale* ATSUHIRO SAKO please they’d be so perfect I’m not even kidding! He’d take up ballroom dancing lessons so they could dance in the kitchen and their relationship would be so soft and wholesome. Chaos is a wonderful person and is a great listener as well as fun to talk to so they would both revel in each other’s presence. Atsuhiro would shower her in praise all the time. He’d adore her so much and everyday would fall a little more in love with her. King of romantic dates whether it’s extravagant or just hanging out and watching movies either way he adores it. Will hold her close to his chest as they sleep whispering how much he loves her and how lucky he is to be with her.

@raes-still-rambling the sweetest I can’t even articulate. Tamaki Amajiki they would work so well together. He’d find so much comfort in them. His favorite would be if they just cuddled together and watched a movie. He isn’t big on romance but he’d put his all into it regardless. Loves holding their hand and would smile softly whenever he sees her. They’d definitely have a cuddling playlist and he’d show them he loves them through small actions

@m-mortimer Christa and Ymir 100%. Izzie has such a big heart and I feel like she’d fit into this dynamic so well! They’d both take care of her, Ymir has strong mommy dom energy and would make sure both her girls are doing well. They would all live the cottage core lesbian dream I guarantee you. Would dance around and just have a lot of laughs together, making flower crowns would be an absolute must. They’d all take care of each other and would help if any of them got into a bad headspace. This relationship would feel like a home.

@deludedimagines Levi Ackerman, Sorcha has to be one of the coolest people ever and who better to match that energy than Humanity’s Strongest. Their relationship would be comfort. Both of them would find solace in each other whether it be making tea late at night to playing games in the morning. The two of them would work so well together, completely content to dwell in the comfortable silence they’ve created. They’d also clean together with soft music playing in the background and Levi can’t get enough of it. Their relationship is full of understanding one another. The phrase/lyrics “Life is not the things that we do it’s who we’re doing them with” very much applies here.

@fuwushiguro Toji Fushiguro no questions asked. The most interesting and fun relationship ever, Venus is a goddess and is so kind/compassionate Toji would start out being like ‘I have no intention of falling in love’ and then before he knows it he’s in love. Would protect her no matter what, they would have amazing stories. Their life would be like a movie. He’d hold her and in the soft moments tell her how much he loves her and how he feels complete with them together. He’s the type to use action instead of words so if he sees her sad? He’s off to get ice cream and put on her favorite comfort movie. He grumbles about her making him soft but when she just gives him a smile and says he likes it he can’t help but smile fondly, he can’t argue with that.

@fushigurocockslut Mahito, they too have a fun relationship. Tessa is one of the chillest people I’ve ever had the joy of knowing and her and Mahito would be so chaotic im living for it. They share one brain cell and it’s to wreak total havoc, both of them have the friendship dynamic down to the point where people have to ask if they’re dating or just close friends. Mahito loves spending time with her and they both would absolutely prank the hell out of Nanami. Also they’d find/have the coolest hang outs to chill and listen to music, eat snacks and vibe. Although they may be chaotic they’d also have really chill moments where they would just relax and stargaze. The two of them could talk about everything and anything.

@doinmybesthere Shoto Todoroki. Emme has a huge heart with so much love and she deserves to receive all that love back and more. Shoto is not big on pda, but behind closed doors he loves intimacy. In the quiet moments of just waking up he’d kiss her forehead with a groggy ‘Good morning love’ their dynamic is ‘Two sweethearts in a room they might love each other unconditionally’ and then they did. Slow dancing in the kitchen? Absolutely. Shoto is also attentive and adores Emme’s beautiful singing voice, on bad nights he loves nothing more than to feel her fingers in his hair and hear her voice as he drifts off. If the roles are reversed he holds her to his chest and hums softly while rubbing soothing circles against her back. Their relationship is wholesome and they bring out the best in each other.

@izukine Takemichi for sure. Both would try and protect the other and they’d both be flustered by the other since they’d both of the thought process of ‘Theyre so cute my heart feels like it’s about to burst’ Liyah is so friendly and awesome and I feel like Takemichi would be drawn to that. Whether it be walking around or just chilling both of them would just like the time they spend together. Every time Takemichi sees her he instantly perks up and has a cute smile on his face. Their relationship holds solid communication and trust.

@cupcake-rogue Bakugou Katsuki without question. King of making sure Star is taken care of and has a soft spot for her. Everybody makes fun of him for it, but he doesn’t care. Star would mean the world to him and knowing that he comes home to see her face would relax him and keep him calm. He loves holding her in his arms and if she runs her fingers through his scalp he’s gone. Instantly falls asleep. Uses actions over words so he’ll make sure he has her favorite foods/drinks stalked in the fridge. If he notices it’s a bad day he’ll ask how he can make it better. The two of them would have a relationship that’s all about care.

@nomadmilk Kirishima Eijirou both of them take care of each other and have so much fun together. Matching outfits? Sure. Cute couple photos? Absolutely! They’re the definition of couple aesthetic/goals. Love being affectionate, it doesn’t matter if they’re in public or not. Kirishima will constantly praise Noma and be like ‘that’s my baby!’ Whenever you do something. He loves supporting you and if you ever comfort him/do the same he’ll be so happy. Loves to hold and cuddle Noma a lot. Both of them together would radiate so much love they both deserve wonderful things.

If I didn’t get to you this round just you wait cause tomorrow is part 2

[thefivecalls]

Things I associate with each of the sides for no reason

Logan:

I understand he's supposed to be dark blue or indigo. Regardless, he will always be teal. This teal:

For some reason when I got detention that one time I got a Logan vibe so yeah theres that

"Space... The final frontier..." But uhhh just the opening has his vibes

Why is he always whereing a neck tie and not a bow tie? If anyone has necktie vibes its Janus not Logan

Logan also has chaos incarnate vibes that are only in check because of his last shreds of humanity one of these days he'll break and when he does thomas can and will set something on fire using bill nye the science guy tactics

He is waking up early and going to bed late

He is framing posters

He is dancing in your bedroom to awesome music that has never been such a vibe before that moment and will never be again.

Broken clocks

Beaker from the muppets? I don't quite get it but yeah

Rock of ages

Getting a pitcher of soda or tea or whatever and setting it on his desk, then getting 23 straws and taping them together so he can lay in bed on his phone and safely drink it without spilling

Grilled cheese

Kahoot music

Remus:

Death waltz. Not the synthesia no the one that takes 14 people to play.

Canoeing

Obviously he has close combat weapons but have you thought about giving him a bow and arrow? I have and yes thats a vibe because he is one of three people I've ever met with those vibes ok

Portable speakers

He is bonfires and fireworks.

He is hyperfixating on something and writing a story until 4 in the morning.

Potions!

The fact that witches ingredients are actually just named strange things but are edible somethings? Like mustard seeds being newts eyes and the like

Acid

In my human anatomy class we dissected deer hearts and when we found the blood clots we called them the Forbidden Jellies.

The county fair

The circus that comes around at fall festival time

Homecoming game in football/rugby

I feel like if he played an instrument he'd be a baritone

The lime green smoke Disney villians have

Roman:

Zootopia the movie

Hopping. Or bouncing in place.

My family's crest?? I think its because of his crest but he had those vibes before the outift upgrade???? Idk

The ponytail thing that give you a unicorn horn when you've got short hair but bangs that are beginning to grow out

He is picnics at the park

He is also going shopping

He is also dancing in the rain at four in the morning with the outside lights on and the music blaring but its ok the neigbors are four acres away and they sleep like the dead.

When I went to my first metal concert and I saw the mosh pit? The exhilaration that comes with wanting to join but not wanting to get crushed is a Roman thing.

Pancakes

Cold pizza at midnight

Succulents!

Fire and cane whiskey

The warm smiles that the bearer never gets to see because they don't get the chance to see it in a reflection

Butterscotch

Janus:

Springtime showers that makes snowmelt rivers

Prom. Dont ask this is just a him vibe ok

He seems like the guy that would make a blanket cacoon/nest when his bedsheets are in the wash and can I say mood

Sunlight

Looking off my back porch and seeing the feilds of corn beginning to dry out in late fall every three years.

Pumpkin soup

Apple cider

Lemonade

Not only is he snowmelt rivers he is also the first thunderstorm of summertime

Sun tea. Not the brand the stuff that you make via harnessing the suns power

Cucumber facemasks

Wildflower honey

The person who youd never guess goes to comic con but is actually the one who wins first place in the costume contest every year

Oversized sweaters

German Sheppards and yellow labs sunbathing after playing for hours

Antique mirrors

Burlap canvas bags

Oil paint

Espressos at ten at night

Late night chinese food runs

Dragons

Spice. Not the average spice either I'm talking could eat a carolina reaper and yes he'll be more red but he could still talk and thats more than I can say for myself

Virgil:

The red rubber balls from kick ball in elementary. By god I can smell the plastic just thinking about it

Flappy stims! Almost every time I flap he comes to mind I never really questioned it

The weighted blanket my dad got that I steal from him all the time

'He's a Mary poppins in a world of hasselhoffs" my friend once said that not even talking about Virgil but like. Come on.

Basically all of Star Lord's vibes are Virgils

Deadpool

Jack Skellington (kinda obvs)

Sample perfumes that are like the size of a pinky

Telescopes

Not writing an essay but instead learning all about world history or astronomy or psychology

Earings. Specifically hoops

Black pearls

Boardwalks that have tiny shops along them with a bunch of food.

Going to a club or a party with flashing lights and even though you're kinda nervous you have fun and live like tomorrow is still a dream away.

Ripped movie posters that the theater is selling

Tying ropes together to make nets.

Fairy lights

Taping movie theater tickets to your wall after you've gone and seen it

Scarecrows sitting on bales of hay at sunset next to my willow tree and the cicadas are on their 13th year so they're the loudest they'll ve until another 13 years have passed

The glint in someone's eye when they think of something mischievous

Bang by AJR

The corpse bride's tale/song

Patton:

The lazer eye meme. This one

Graham Crackers. Not smores, not candy crack-just the cracker ok

Pep rallies

The pet store??

Sugar sculptures

Corn pits (strictly midwestern thing)

Driving for hours upon hours and seeing the strange statues some towns have as you pass them by

Silver sparkles

Art herpes glitter

Photo booths

Riding in the back of a pickup truck on the county's main road

Wedding crystals cabinet where you put the fancy china you're going to give to your children that never gets used once but is probably worth half your house

The chubby bunny challenge

The moment when you tip your chair back too far and you know it but you can't do anything because you'll be on the floor in a second anyway

The thing maya did from Girl Meets World when she slammed lockers closed and caused the chalkboard to let its dust fly

Dusk.

That moment when everything is going by so quickly so you step back and watch the world go by for only a few seconds but then you're back in the present laughing with your friends

Snow cones melting and getting the syrup all over your hands

Orange Side:

All things citrus but especially lemons no not oranges lemons

Sunglasses

Men in black 1 not the rest just the first

Pineapple too hes got a lot of pineapple vibes

Combat boots but with spikes

Also lace?

And tea. Like, all kinds of tea but especially the really expensive stuff that I've only tasted like twice thats imported from Ireland

Himalayan salt lamps.

Sensies. the wax melting things

Candles too

Once we meet him I'll have more but this is it for him for now

Thats it! If this gets notes I might do emile remy and thomas but I think I'll leave this be for the moment. Have a great day y'all!

[vacuousauto]

📃🎥🏳‍🌈

tysm for tha ask molli!! ill talk abt kny here bc its takin over my life rn qwq

spoilers ahead 4 tha whole series!!

📃 what is the plot of your hyperfixation? and is it a movie, game, show, etc?

kny is a manga w an anime adaptation thats had 1 season so far n a movies bein made of my fav arc!! (also this plot desc may not b perfect bc i havent read it in like 4 months)

its abt a boy called tanjirou whos whole family got killed by a demon, n his sister nezuko got turned into a demon (which fun fact: in kimetsu theyre man-eatin creatures w different powers called blood demon arts!!)

hes sent by giyuu (a demon slayer!) 2 join tha demon slayer corps so hell become stronger n mayb get a little revenge. as a treat (and also mayb find a way 2 turn nezuko human?)

as he trains he learns how 2 do water breathing (a sword technique taught by him n giyuus mentor, urokodaki) n his final challenge is 2 cut a massive boulder in half w his sword

its real hard 4 him (as u can imagine) so 2 kids in fox masks named sabito n makomo come n help him, but after tanjirou cuts tha rock n tells urokodaki abt him its revealed theyre dead???

@ final selection (basically a demon slayer entrance exam where u win by surviving on a demon-infested mountain 4 seven days) he learns from a real fucked up demon that hes exclusively been targetin urokodakis students n that not even sabito could slice its neck open?? (thats how him n makomo died)

after tanjirou kills tha demon n basically puts all tha water breath students’ souls @ peace he passes tha exam!! its been 7 days n now he gets his nichirin blade (the only kinda sword that can kill a demon, tha only 2 ways they can die is thru a slice 2 tha neck from a nichirin blade n sunlight)

turns out nezuko was turned by the strongest demon of all, michael jackson muzan kibutsuji, n so he sets out 2 hunt him down n try 2 kill him

but he aint so strong @ first so he needs 2 try 2 take down tha twelve kizuki first (the 12 strongest demons besides muzan)

another reason he needs 2 kill tha kizuki is 2 gather their blood for a demon named tamayo n her assistant yushirou!! tamayo can make a cure if tanjirou can gather blood samples 4 her (the stronger tha demon tha more of muzans blood they have so hes gonna have 2 aim high)

he meets a bunch more slayers along tha way, includin zenitsu (a scaredy cat thunder breath user who basically simps 4 nezuko n becomes a badass when hes asleep) n inosuke (a rowdy beast breath user who wears a boar mask n lived in tha mountains)

after lower moon 5 gets killed by giyuu, nezuko unlocks her blood demon art (exploding blood!) n tanjirou remembers how 2 use tha hinokami kagura, him n nezuko get captured by a slayer called shinobu qwq

turns out she n giyuu are 2 of the nine hashira, the strongest of all tha demon slayers!! but theyre all havin a debate over whether they should kill tanjirou n nezuko 4 goin against corps rules n travelin w a demon

eventually oyakata-sama (tha leader of tha slayer corps) comes in n tells em its ok, urokodaki sent a letter explainin that nezukos never hurt anyone n if she does, tanjirou giyuu n urokodaki all have 2 die basically

oyakata-sama also tells em that tanjirous met kibutsuji, at which everyone goes feral at (and understandably, none of em had ever even seen him before hes that elusive)

so they get 2 live bc theyre like. tha best hope the slayers have @ findin kibutsuji

the rest of the hashira are kyoujurou (flame), muichirou (mist), mitsuri (love), obanai (serpent), gyoumei (stone), tengen (sound) n sanemi (wind)

theres also kanao (shinobus pupil, flower breathing) n genya (sanemis brother, eats demons 2 gain power n basically become a demon temporarily, also He Has A Gun)

ive gone on a lot here so ill try 2 keep it brief now but i HAVE 2 explain infinity train or ill die (slight suicide tw but no one actually does that outside of dreams)

BASICALLY the lower 6 moons have a meetin @ kibutsujis infinity castle, muzan decides 2 dismantle tha lower moons bc they keep fuckign dying

all of em get their shit wrecked except enmu, who avoided death by usin muzans “dont tell me what 2 do” rule against him n beggin 4 death basically

so he gets a metric fuckton o blood n goes off 2 kill tanjirou

turns out he keeps killin people on his train n kyos gone 2 investigate!! the main gang (the kamaboko gang as the fandom calls it) are there too bc tanjirou needs 2 investigate what hinokami kagura really is (turns out its sun breathing, the og form and ones that only folks w the same mark on his forehead can use) n if anyone knows abt the alleged “fire breathing” as they know it rn its the fire hashira!!

so they get on tha train (inosukes lovin tha experience bc hes Literally Never Seen A Train Before) n kyo basically adopts the whole group

they take some tickets n promptly fall asleep HERES WHERE ENMUS DEMON ART COMES INTO PLAY!!! DREAM MANIPULATION BABEYYY

BASICALLY he can make people fall asleep in a buncha ways (the mouths on his hands, his weird eye thingies, the tickets) n once thats happened he n his henchmen can access said dreams (he can even control em!!) n if they find tha “spiritual core” they can destroy it n essentially leave em as an empty shell thatll never wake up!! yaaaaaay /s

he fails bc tanjirou realises a way out n its by cuttin his own head off in his dream, eventually everyones awake again n tanjirou finds enmu on tha roof(?) of tha train

after a while he does manage 2 decapitate him but surprise!!! hes not dead

turns out he literally FUSED WITH THA TRAIN n is plannin on eatin everyone inside, includin kyo n the gang

but he doesnt bc Main Protags Cant Die(tm) n dies while complainin that he wants a redo (sorry enmu, ily but u cant turn back time unless ur yoshikage kira)

also sidenote enmus tha only kizuki w/o a canon backstory as far as i can remember and????? H??

ANYWHO after that whole debacle basketball akaza (UPPER moon 3) shows himself!!! FUCK

n after all that struggle against the 8th strongest demon of all time now they gotta deal w tha 4th strongest????? damn,

so yeah it goes how youd imagine, its a tough fuckin battle n its Not Fun but it turns out kyoujurou fucking dies n i genuinely didnt realise until he said “kamado my boy, lets have one final chat” bc i was so in denial n lets face it i still am now

long story short idk how im gonna manage 2 get thru the movie w/o breakin down @ the end

anyway after that horrible horrible time tanjirou goes n meets senjurou, kyos little bro, who gives him kyos sword guard thing (its shaped like a flame!!) n i havent read it in a while so i cant FULLY remember but i think this is where he learns abt sun breathing??

after that they end up goin on a mission in tha red light district w tengen, his 3 wives are there 2 serve as spies (theyre kunoichi, which i think are ninjas of some kind??) n the boys have 2 find em

they do manage 2 find em but not after runnin into upper moon 6, who are 2 twins called daki n gyuutarou

after that fight tengen has 2 retire bc he got fucked up p bad from that fight n he wants 2 make sure tha girls are ok above all

so after that arc tanjirou n nezuko go down 2 tha swordsmith village (bc the guy who usually makes his swords is fuckin tired of repairin it) n run into mitsuri!! she tells tan that theres smth in tha forest thatll make him stronger

ngl this is tha arc i remember tha least abt so this desc is prolly SO inaccurate despite havin 2 o my favs in it)

but muichirou shows himself too n hes mean 2 tanjirou >:/ (he does get nicer eventually but 2 him specifically)

a 10 y/o kid named kotetsu shows tan this 6 armed trainin robot called yoriichi type 0 (based on tha first slayer 2 use sun breathin) n tanjirou breaks it by accident qwq

but he keeps trainin thanks 2 kotetsu but tha kids a harsh fuckin trainer ill tell u that

anyway so we have a whole buncha demons 2 deal w here except most of em are 1 demon split into different parts

hantengu n gyokko, upper moons 4 n 5 respectively!! mui deals w gyokko while mitsuri genya nezuko n tanjirou deal w hantengu

in these fights mitsuri n mui get their demon slayer marks!! these are marks that they get when they surpass the limits of tha human body n they look like tha marks demons have (muis looks like clouds on his cheeks n mitsuris is 2 hearts on her collarbone)

next up is tha hashira trainin arc!! everyone gets trained by each of tha hashira 2 try n unlock their slayer marks

each have a dif trainin style that focuses on dif stuff (for example gyoumei focuses a lot on physical strength n stuff like that, obanai is more abt accuracy) n this is where giyuus backstory gets revealed bc he doesnt think hes worthy o bein a hashira :((

basically him n sabito were absolute besties!! they both trained together n sabito basically told him not 2 die ever

but it all goes wrong @ final selection- sabito manages 2 take down every demon on tha mountain but one of em, that bein the hand demon that exclusively targets water breathers (theyre easy 2 distinguish bc of their blue haoris n custom made fox masks)

he manages 2 save giyuu n everyone else from tha selection except 4 himself (this is why giyuus haori is like that- its made from his sister n sabitos haoris)

giyuu blames himself 4 both of their deaths bc he failed 2 protect em n says that he doesnt deserve 2 have passed tha selection let alone b a hashira,, but tanjirou convinces him otherwise!! ^^

then one day while giyuus trainin w sanemi disaster hits- oyakata-sama, his wife n two of their kids just died

the 2nd to last arc- the infinity castle!! thingsre gettin real n muzans revealed himself

in tha infinity castle EVERYONES there but can u really blame em theyve been workin up 2 this 4 millenia

shinobu runs into upper moon 2- douma, aka the bastard that killed her sister as well as inosukes mum

she is. justifiably pissed. n she gives it her all but he kills her :(( douma ily but also FUCK YOU.

so perfect timing!!! heres her adopted sister!! as well as inosuke!!!! revenge battle time >:0

in the end shinobus poison is what kills him- her whole body is filled w wisteria poison thats deadly 2 a demon so he basically consumed her whole body weight in poison rip

but ofc word gets out via messenger crow that shes dead n its just a real sad moment tbh :( but theres no time 4 that bc giyuu n tanjirou just ran into akaza >:((

so tanjirous pissed as hell now n w their combined efforts they take down tha basketball lookin bastard (bastardball??)

meanwhile obanai n mitsuri (n yushirou iirc?? he uses his own art 2 control her @ some point tho i cant remember when) deal w tha new upper moon 4 (nakime, whos also shiftin tha rooms around w her blood art n makin tha fight super fuckign annoyin tbh) n muichirou genya sanemi n gyoumei deal w kokushibou (upper moon 1, also tha original sun breathers twin brother so he gets moon breathin >:3)

mitsuri n obanai fake their deaths w help from yushirou n muzan falls 4 it, which comes in handy later ;3

zenitsu also deals w his former bully, upper moon 6 aka kaigaku aka dickhead supreme who if zenitsu didnt kill i would personally kill w my bare hands

so after everyones taken down all thats left is muzan >:( muzan kills tamayo real early on n everyones goin all out on him

we also learn that he has multiple brains n hearts in his body eww

also the hashira have their marks now!! but all but sanemi n giyuu get killed n giyuu loses his arm :((((

genya also gets killed noo

eventually ofc the battle is won thanks 2 everyones relief, it took for fuckin ever bc the only way muzan can die is tha sun so they had 2 kill time n keep him out in tha sun 4 a long time

also nezukos been cured!! shes a human!! n shes comin 2 help!!

but OH GOD OH FUCK MUZAN TURNED TANJIROU INTO A DEMON N GIYUUS CRYIN N INOSUKES CRYIN THRU HIS MASK N ITS GOIN SO FUCKING WRONG but he gets tha will 2 turn back bc Fuck You Muzan, The Power Of Friendship Defeats All

the 2nd to last chapter is tha happy endin, the kamaboko gang visit tanjirou n nezukos house, giyuu cuts his hair n SMILES n tha hashira have their final meetin w oyakata-samas son kiriya

i cried readin it ngl their sufferin is finally over...... it cost a lot but now theres no more demons,,,

chapter 205 is set in tha modern day! kanao n tanjirous descendants are shown, as well as zenitsu n nezukos

everyone who died/never had kids get reincarnated (for example gyoumei is now a daycare worker, kyos reincarnation toujurou is besties w one o tans descendants n giyuu (giichi) is friends w sabito again!! makomos their friend too!!

ALSO KIRIYA IS STILL ALIVE hes the oldest man in japan!! this is huge bc the ubayashiki family dont usually live past 30 bc of a curse that was put on em when they had muzan

yushirou is still alive too but thats bc hes a demon n he paints tamayo for a living qwq

it just made me cry so hard bc waaah,,, everyone gets 2 live a demon-free life now,,, anyway typin this took me like an hour im sorry mint (as well as anyone else who read this)

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

tha infinity train arc as a whole tbh??? its basically enmu n kyoujurous big moment and. i care them sm. i cant wait 4 tha movie qwq except 4 their deaths ofc

🏳‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

i have a lotta headcanons really!! outta my f/os favs tho i hc:

giyuu is trans bi n autistic

kyo is gay n has adhd

muichirou is nb n pan

mitsuri is pan

douma is gay

enmu is nb pan n autistic

[disheveledtranquility]

the rules: answer 17 questions and tag 17 ppl you want to know better

tagged by @eddieswetdream and this was unexpected, but very heartwarming! ❤

nickname: To be honest, my nickname actually is Dahmi. I’ve gone by this nickname online since around 2004, and old habits die hard, so. Friends from the internet that have become IRL friends still call me this. Relates nothing to my real name, which is Heather. You can only know this by my signature in my artwork, although I’m very unknown despite having drawn for many years. I only get noticed when I draw fanart. c’:

zodiac sign: Leo

height: 5'6 according to the doctor I just visited because of a sprained wrist.

hogwarts house: Ravenclaw,  I s’pose

last thing i googled: Venom 2 news (I’m sooo excited)

song stuck in head: Slow Down by Chase Atlantic

following & followers:   52 &  199

amount of sleep i get: During workdays it’s 3-4, weekends it’s around 7. Honestly, I wake up at 1AM for work and am in bed by 7PM reading fanfics until I realize I will only get like 3 hours of sleep.

lucky #s: 4 and 7

dream job: Concept Artist / Illustration

wearing: A black and white sweater by PINK and some thermal pajama bottoms from VS. I’ve been wearing them all weekend because I am lazy at home. (My whole closet is PINK and VS because I work at one of the distribution centers so I get a lot of merchandise benefits, don’t judge me pleeeease.)

favorite songs: Honestly, anything that pleases my moods. I have different playlists of all genres for when I write, when I paint, and when I’m working out. I can’t really think of songs that are my favorite...but I do really favor No light by Florence and the Machine.

instruments: When I was in Middle School I played the flute? I also banged my teeth on that thing during a play, LOL.

aesthetic: Silent Hill (the games, not the movies- they were a disgrace, don’t fight me), the deepest depths of the ocean, red wine, macabre & gore, muted tones and colors, Angler fish, all things Halloween related,  horror & angst, underwater photography, the lingering scent of nicotine on fingertips and the stain it leaves behind

random facts: Oh wow, here we go. Oversharing time that no one asked for, but you’re about to get.

I’m a 90s baby. I used to wear thick coke bottle glasses as a kid because my eyesight has always been shite, but I’ve upgraded to nicer, thinner glasses over the years, yeeees. I sometimes wear contacts, but I feel like I have to wear makeup with them or I look weird, so I wear my glasses more often.

I smoke cigarettes, have been since I was 18 although I tried to quit 4 separate times. 

I was heavily bullied from as far back  as I can remember until I was nearly an adult. By relatives, by schoolmates. Once I almost passed out from being choked on the ground. It’s the real reason I dropped out of school, twice. I was too afraid to go back by 10th grade. I’ve always been a loser. I like to think I’m a blast though, having moved on. :D

I’m an introvert. I’m not one to be the first to reach out to someone because somewhere along the line I expected everyone else to ignore me. I assume I’m a bother, so I keep to myself until someone approaches me and shows an interest. I don’t mean that in an angsty way because I don’t feel it that way. It’s just how I think. 

My emotions are dark in an elegant way in my head and I use it for painting and writing, but my personality- my friends describe me as hilarious and outgoing. 

The first time I ever got feelings for someone was a friend in school I’d grown up with. I remember it feeling very innocent in my head and all I did was want to be closer to her and kiss her. I never even thought about the fact that I was being hella gay because it didn’t matter to me. She didn’t like to hang out with me separately outside the group though, which was depressing, but I did get to dance with her at homecoming because I made a joke about not letting her feel left out because she didn’t have a date. It was the best moment of school for me. ; u ; 

I tend to gravitate to messed up shows and movies, especially ones that are angsty and gay or with gay subtext. idk I’m sunshine ok. lmao

My hyperfixations and fandoms I am in are topics I will probably talk to you forever about if you let me in. I’m 100% willing to bust the door down with tea and cookies just to talk about the shows, games, ect. I’m obsessed with. Nothing but love, fam. 

I’m married, we are polar opposites. 

I’ll tag: @momodashii because all I know about you is that you share my love for Mad’s arms and hands!

I feel bad not tagging more, but the friends I do have on here I know all about, and there are also friends that have left tumblr...I also have mutuals who have already posted this, so I won’t tag them. I also tend to hold onto little tidbits of people’s personalities in tags and posts that tell me more about them, so if I didn’t tag you it might mean I feel like I already know you, even if we haven’t talked.

Please know that I am here if you ever want to become friends!

[badaxefamily]

A year ago today, I got news that was devastating to me, but entirely expected. I should elaborate a bit on exactly what WildStar means to me.

Being autistic, my brain latches onto things seemingly at random, and won't let go. They're called special interests, and technically are different from hyperfixations though there are similarities. Though whether the individual is hyperfixated on them or not varies over time, special interests tend to stick around at least in the background all the time and often last one's entire lifetime. I personally have a few special interests, including dragons, Pokemon, and as of the beginning of 2012, WildStar.

Somewhere around there, the last MMO I had played, Phantasy Star Universe, had closed or was about to close (I don't remember exactly) and I was actively searching for a new one for my brother and I to play together. My requirements were strict: No medieval fantasy settings, sci-fi of some variety was required, just like Phantasy Star. Lots of character and style, no excessive violence or sex, just fun. I actually found a site that lists ever sci-fi MMO that exists. Most didn't even make the short list for me, being too close to medieval fantasy, too serious, or too violent. Only one really stood out: a game still in development, the only information available being a cinematic trailer from 2011 and a few early "interviews" with the characters in the trailer. I was absolutely fascinated right from the start. The art style, the story of a ragtag bunch of exiles stumbling across something of galactic historical significance sure to lead to untold adventure, the undertone of a space Western! It was all perfect.

I eagerly sought out ever scrap of info I could. I listened to music tracks that were put on YouTube. The first song I ever heard was "The Rescue Mission", which originally played during a cutscene in the Northern Wilds, when the escaping Exile ship is destroyed. I didn't know that was its purpose at the time though, I just heard the masterful note-slinging of Jeff Kurtenacker. The song still gives me goosebumps to this day. I remember hearing that song for the first time and thinking "this is the one." I even got to play - sort of - in the stress tests. I say "sort of" because the point of those early tests was just to hammer the servers with too many people, which caused pretty much everything to break. I remember in Stress Test 1, only Dominion characters could be made, and some of them weren't finished yet (Chua for example), so I made a male Draken named Jedidiah because there wasn't a name randomizer yet and I was in a silly mood. I wandered around Crimson Isle, unable to really do anything because the lag prevented combat from working, but I was getting to explore! The world was coming alive. In early 2014 I was in the Winter Beta, and loved every moment. I also took my testing job seriously, diligently documenting anything that seemed off. I wanted to help make this work.

I could go on and on. The first time I saw Celestion (another "this is the one" moment), the time the Lolilopp challenge bugged and the hallucinations got stuck visible, the inside jokes, the strange creative processes my characters went through. But then my wrists would be tired from the typing. I have to stop somewhere.

Last summer, after months of no new content being added and uncharacteristic silence on the part of the devs, I and the other "oldbies" were suspecting closure was imminent. The publisher was NCSoft after all, notorious for never keeping a published title around unless it could go independent. I held out hope a bit longer than many, ever the optimist. But eventually I recognized what was happening. I started playing FFXIV, I could barely even log in to WildStar, knowing its fate. After the announcement, and the final farewell in November, even I was surprised by how distraught I was. Hadn't I known this was coming, for months? That was when I really realized that WildStar was a special interest. And that's important for many reasons. Special interests really have to be indulged in. Refraining, or worse, taking one away, is psychologically damaging. And unforgivable sin, a personal attack. And that is why I have such unending vitriol for NCSoft. They took away a special interest, something that has never happened to me in my entire life. No amount of logical thought can shake the instinct-level feeling that I personally was attacked, my joy stripped away by greedy and uncaring strangers. The best I can do is the Thumper rule: if you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all. There are still a few Carbine folks working for NCSoft, and I can't bring myself to say anything positive about what they're doing. The best I can do is remain silent. Other times - when in like company - I can be a bottomless mine of salt.

I don't want to end this post on such a sour note, so I'll relate an anecdote from Winter Beta: In Whitevale there's a quest where you're supposed to help the Pell with a ritual, and one of the things you have to do is interact with an Eldan machine. At one point during testing though, the machine couldn't be activated from the ground. The game would think you were too far away. The temporary solution to this was to climb on top of the machine and activate it from the top! At the time, the two factions couldn't communicate at all, so helping each other required getting creative. At least once or twice, I informed opposite faction players of how to get around this bug by /pointing at the machine, then jumping to the top of the machine and jumping up and down on it. Pantomiming and emoting were frequently used this way, but that instance is the only one I really remember. I just think player ingenuity is interesting like that.

I made friends in WildStar that I still like to pal around with. We’re still sending each other videos and memes on Discord with “Is this (character)?” or “This is H4H”. WildStar will never really be gone to me.

[luxicorde]

Prompt 17: Obeisance

(2.7k words and posted at fuckin quarter till 1 in the morning.

I got an Idea and I hyperfixated.)

“Calum Odette, your presence has been requested by the Emperor of Ronka. You will need to come with us.”

The hall went silent as Calum and the other hunters turned, finding Ronkan soldiers sat in their doorway. It was no secret that Ronka had its eyes on the desert, and soldiers were becoming more and more common as a result.

But soldiers making demands, especially of the hunters and a blackblood to boot, was crossing an unspoken line.

Gera stood from his spot at the table, turning to them and keeping a hand loosely perched on the hilt of one of his blades. “Gentlemen,” he said, a sweet smile on his face but venom in his voice. “You’re awfully far from the jungle. Did you get lost, maybe hit your head on the way here?”

That got a few snorts and chuckles from the other hunters. One of the guards reached for the sword at his hip before the other threw an arm out in front of him, the thump to his armor getting him to back off. “This does not concern you, Drahn. We know Master Odette to be half-elfan, and if necessary we will search this entire establishment.”

“My, they’re mouthy little shits, aren’t they?” Several of the hunters had lost interest at this point, returning to their drinks and meals. To them, it wouldn’t matter if the Emperor himself barged in. Half of them wouldn’t give an amaro’s arse about it, and the other half were too stubbornly loyal to give Calum up.

“You dare insult soldiers chosen by-”

“Oh yes, I do dare. You don’t have any power here, lackeys. Leave.” It didn’t take long for Gera to grow bored of them. The game had gone from fun to annoying awfully fast with the hot-headed soldier and his high-and-mighty attitude.

The calmer soldier took a step forward, and most of the hunters rose from their seats, ready to defend their own. If the soldiers had stayed out of the hall, the hunters would have let them be. But trespassing was something none of them would tolerate.

“Put your weapons away. As my companion was saying, we have been chosen by the Emperor himself to bring Master Odette back-”

“‘Master’ Odette? I don’t know, Gera, it has a ring to it.” Calum had remained seated, not wanting to bother with the soldiers. His back was turned to them, but they seemed to hear him anyway. 

He heard the footsteps come closer, and felt Gera move from his side to put himself in between him and the soldiers. 

“Lay a finger on us, and the Emperor will have this place razed to the ground!”

“I’d like to see him try. It would be amusing to watch the little metal-clad bugs dash themselves against our walls.”

Calum heard the fight behind him, not turning to watch knowing it would be quick. He took a sip of his drink as he heard Gera unsheathe his blades, the sound of a body hitting the floor, and a few more clangs before the second body hit the ground. The other hunters in the hall let out a cheer as Gera put his swords away again, bending over to haul the two soldiers outside. They were still alive, though bleeding quite a bit. Still, Calum didn’t doubt they’d be picked up and healed by some kind passerby.

Eventually, at least.

It had been a few weeks since the soldiers first came. Calum had forgotten about them entirely, making himself busy with hunts and training. It wasn’t until Madi, poor, sweet little Madi had burst through the door, panting like she had run a marathon just to get there.

The Dwarf took her breath before standing back up straight. “Which... one of you idiots... pissed off the Ronkans?!”

Slowly the hunters turned to face Calum and Gera, who had been talking about their latest battle. The two men looked a bit sheepish, not expecting there to be any sort of threat after defending themselves.

“Oh-! You foolish, idiot brutes! We have a whole host of soldiers waiting at the gates because of your pig-headedness!” She rushed over, pulling Calum from his seat and nearly yanking his arm off with her strength. “Come on, come on! They’re here looking for you, you blundering oaf! We need to get you out!”

The other hunters in the hall groaned and sighed, gathering their weapons as they muttered about Calum dragging them into another mess. Gera stayed by his side until Madi shooed him away. “Go!” she said, taking a moment to let go of Calum’s hand to shoo him out the door. “If it comes to fighting they’ll need you more than he does!”

Gera stole a glance at Calum before he allowed himself to be pushed out the door, only leaving when Calum gave him a nod.

Madi led him out of the back of the hall, dragging him along like her little legs depended on it. She didn’t stop moving until she nearly ran into someone after turning a corner. 

“It looks like we were right to sneak in.” Two soldiers stood before them, and Madi backed up the moment she realized what was happening. Calum placed himself in front of her, motioning for her to run.

“Grab the man, and we’ll get a nice fancy reward. Let the girl run.” With that, Madi bolted, and the soldiers moved forward. In a flash, Calum had his blade out, running his fingertips across the edge to stoke the fire to life. The first soldier was hardly a challenge, simply running forward and expecting Calum to move out of the way. The weak, almost pitiful slash barely clanged against his greatsword as he took the blow, easily countering with his own and ripping open the soldier’s back. 

He never liked killing people. It was always a terrible, terrible thing, but he wasn’t about to let himself be kidnapped to avoid it.

The second soldier was more of a challenge, using the thin alleyway to his advantage. His spear was harder to block, and harder still to dodge with how little room Calum had. He positioned his body to the side to dodge, using the movement to swing his blade down from above, but rather than meeting flesh, it clanged off the stone pavement, the soldier jumping back before advancing again to take advantage of Calum’s vulnerable form.

He brought the blade up just in time to deflect, the spearhead skidding off the steel and showering him in sparks as it hit the side of the building next to him. Calum spun to deflect the next thrust and give himself the momentum for a slash from the bottom, creating his own flurry of sparks as he brought the blade up. He caught the soldier’s hand, forcing him to drop the spear and give Calum an opening. He rushed forward, expecting to run the soldier through.

Then he felt a prick at the side of his neck.

And then another.

The world quickly started to spin, and he lost his balance as the third dart pierced his skin. He braced himself against the wall of a building, trying to shake the fog from his mind as he started to drift off.

“You couldn’t have done that sooner?” Calum heard as the guard moved next to him, first retrieving his spear before holding Calum back by the arms. He gave a weak attempt to struggle free, but it was becoming harder and harder to keep his eyes open, let alone fight his way out of this.

The soft ‘thump’ of someone landing near him sounded like it was muffled through a thick layer of cotton. 

“Had to be sure he was the one. Has the eyes alright. Check his hand.”

Calum didn’t know what they meant. Didn’t have the time to figure it out as the world around him faded to black.

Calum woke to the soft rocking of a ship. He could feel more than see there was someone next to him, but it all soon faded away again as something was poured down his throat.

He woke several more times, but the only time he was allowed to stay awake was when he was somewhere else entirely. The smell of salt was gone, and the floor didn’t creak or rock as he got out of bed and landed. He was still shaky on his feet, and he felt like he was hungover, but he was lucid enough to know this wasn’t home. 

The floor was made from stone, a rug only meeting his feet halfway. It didn’t take him long to realize his armor was gone, and so was his sword. Whoever had put him there had decided to play dress-up, his undershirt traded for a clean white tunic and his pants and underclothes matching. There was a massive window, showing the lush green of a forest. He wasn’t so dumb as to not figure out he wasn’t in Amh Araeng anymore. 

The door to the room opened, revealing a servant dressed in a simple grey and gold robe. She smiled sweetly as she saw him, placing the tray she was carrying down on the table nearest to the bed. Calum cursed his traitorous nose for picking up the scent of freshly cooked meat, and he could only guess from the sickly sweet smell coming from the pitcher that it was some sort of tea.

“It is good to see you awake, Master Odette. The emperor has requested that you eat before seeing him.” The woman waved her hand to the tray, bowing slightly as she did so.

“I won’t be eating anything here. And don’t call me ‘Master.’”

“My apologies. But I must insist that you eat, the Emperor-”

“The Emperor can shove it up his ass for all I care. Take me to him, now. I want to know why in the seven hells he kidnapped me.”

The woman briefly had a stunned look across her face, but she quickly replaced it with her smile before bowing again and showing Calum to the hall.

Without his armor and sword, he felt naked, especially when being led in front of the doors to what he guessed was the throne room. The Viis guards there were armed to the teeth, and he’d heard the stories from Gera about how a Viis palace guard could kill a man with a single shot from a malm away.

The guards opened the doors, not sparing him a second glance as they did so. The woman led him inside, and Calum winced at the sheer amount of light pouring in through the windows. Once his eyes adjusted, he would have thought this place beautiful if the circumstances were different. Massive stone arches, wrapped in leaves and moss and all other kinds of foliage made the roof of the massive throne room. Windows stretched up to the green canopy above, letting in the morning sun and the gentle breeze from the forest. Birds flitted about high above, some more muted but others in dazzling reds and blues.

If he weren’t glaring at the man sitting in the golden throne at the end of the hall, he would have been mesmerized.

The Emperor was far from an imposing man. An older Hume, starting to go grey at the temples and dark skin just starting to pull against his face with wrinkles. The deep blue eyes he had were kind, but Calum wasn’t inclined to trust someone who had orchestrated his kidnapping. His robes were a similar shade to his eyes, deep blue and trimmed with white and gold. As Calumn was led closer to him, he stood, arms stretched out as if for a hug.

“Thank you, Amina. You may leave now.” The woman bowed low and turned on her heels, silently making her way out of the throne room and leaving Calum alone with the Emperor. 

Only, that wasn’t quite true.

Hiding in the shadows of the archway was another Viis guard, likely a personal attendant of some sort. Calum wasn’t surprised to see her. It would have been stupid to leave him alone.

“I hope my soldiers did not hurt you, but I was told you put up quite the fight.” The Emperor had a kind smile, matching his eyes. Calum only saw it as a mask, but what it was hiding, he couldn’t say.

“Why have you brought me here? All of Amh Araeng is going to know you kidnapped a hunter, and they won’t let your soldiers prance about after that.”

His smile faltered for a moment as he let out a small sigh, but he quickly composed himself again. “Your right hand, if you would, Calum?”

Calum covered his hand, not liking where this was going. The mark that had been there since he was a child was none of this Emperor’s business, and even if it was, he wasn’t about to show it to a stranger.

“Please, Calum. This does not need to be difficult.”

When Calum still refused, the Emperor snapped his fingers, and the Viis woman was at his side in a heartbeat. Still woozy from whatever they’d done to make him stay asleep, he couldn’t put up much of a fight as the guard peeled back the fingers of his left hand, showing the mark.

“So it’s true.” The Emperor almost sounded… choked up? Calum couldn’t place his tone, yanking his hand back from the Viis.

Just as the emperor had come forward to hug him.

Calum shoved him away, but quickly found an arrow leveled to his head. The red-haired guard would be having none of this, it seemed, but Calum barely flinched as he felt the bite of cold steel against his scalp.

“My son, after all this time...”

Those words settled in his belly like a stone. But once they set in, it was quickly replaced by a burning rage. He felt his blood start to boil as his mind connected the dots.

The Emperor had returned to him, taking his hands in his own. Calum went to yank them away, but the sting at the side of his head only got sharper as he tensed up. 

“Leave us, Almet.”

“B-but sir-”

“Leave us!”

The Viis swallowed her words, shooting Calum a glare before bowing and leaving.

As soon as she was gone, Calum ripped his hands away.

“Your son?” His voice was shaking with rage. He’d never met his parents, his mother died having him and… and…

His father, whoever that was, had never been there. Never even acknowledged he was alive. He’d been found in a box behind a whorehouse, left outside for passerby or animals, whichever found him first.

“Of course! When the reports reached me that a man had eyes like the emperor, I did not-”

“Enough.” It was all he could do to keep himself from strangling this man. He knew what that mark on his hand meant, Gera had told him, but he wouldn’t believe it. Call it a weird birthmark, fate, something, but he refused to believe it meant that he had been left to die and live in squalor while his father ate off of golden plates.

Calum was shaking when the Emperor spoke again. “I know this must be shocking, Calum-”

“Do not call me that.” His voice was firm, if only for a moment as he practically growled out the words through his teeth. “You have no right.”

“As your father, I-”

“You are not my father!” Calum stepped forward, his blood truly burning in his veins. “You did not raise me! I was left to die and cared for only out of sheer dumb luck!” He couldn’t hold back the anger any more, looming over the shorter Emperor as he spoke. “Why did you bring me here, after twenty summers of not caring?! Kidnapping me after twenty summers of living across the world?!”

He took a few shaky breaths, backing up after hearing shifting from the door behind him.

The Emperor had a worried glint in his eye. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t this.

“Is seeing my son not enough of a reason?”

“LAIR!” Calum lunged at him, any sliver of composure lost with those words. He didn’t hear when the guards rushed in, barely felt their blows, blinded by rage as he was. All he could think of doing was getting rid of this man, this worthless filth in front of him. He heard shouting, and the world went black again.

[cerealmonster15]

(anon from the other day sorry i was gone lol) buddy me too i am on anon for a reason but it's so nice to infodump i totally feel u!! i cant speak for all ur followers but in my adhd having opinion i loooove seeing people gush abt their hyperfixations/special interests/stuff they love!! :D [owain voice] it gives my heart wings!! (1)

[im just gonna screenshot the other parts and paste them as i answer them to keep it all together c:!]

BWAHH THANKSSS if u ever wanna come off anon im 1000% down for jammin about fe forever lsjkfjsd naga knows i can t a l k. OWAIN WOULD SUPPORT US ;A; i too like seein people get super HYPED it’s so sweet and fun when people are havin a good time ! i still worry that i overdo it kjdsfbkj but i am glad it’s not a bother for u :D [the rest are gonna be in a readmore]

DKLSJFD YEAH HONESTLY ,, when i started conquest at the decision chapter i fuckin LOST the first time and was like ,, well,,,,,,, hmmmmm...... this is going to be Difficult LOL cryin... IM SO SAD BC THE NEXT CHAPTER I HAVE IS CALLED POSSESSED AND LIKE,,, I PLAY FEH,, I HAVE POSSESSED TAKUMI,,, I PLAYED BIRTHRIGHT I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING AND I DONT LIKE IT !!!!!!!!! i misss himmmmmmme the entire time i played birthright: i miss leoooooooo i miss elise im so sadddddme the entire time ive been playing conquest: i miss takumiiiiiiii ryoma is disappointed in me and im so saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadddddddddddd and also the spoilers ive heard for what’s about to happen make me 80 times as sad i dont wannaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

god the end of chapter sakura w/everyone being so upset and hans + iago ruining everything LIKE ALWAYS was just. so awful. the hoshidans are so heartbroken and depressed and im SO UPSET IM SO SORRY SAKURA + CO I LOVE YOU EVEN THO YOU HATE ME RN ;0;

JDKSLKFHDS HONESTLY WHEN I MARRIED SILAS I WAS LIKE,,, SHIT,,, I HAVE A TYPE AND IT’S GOOFY + LOYAL RIDE OR DIE BEST FRIENDS TO LOVERS WHO ALSO HAVE SORTA BLUE HAIR I GUESS FKDSLJFKLSDJ and effie is so pretty i cry,, and her lines crack me up sfkjldsjkfjkds i love when shes guarding the prison and she says something like “this prison doesnt seem very secure. why dont the prisoners just bend the bars and leave?” and im like EFFIE.............................. MY LOVE...... WH................... DSLKJFL

omg ok with dating sim type games i typically make them like,,, meish, but with fun colored hair LOL so my first one in birthright has my name and similarish hair to me except it’s pink LOL , but then when i play as boys i tend to play more of a character ? tho this one is sorta just boy me with wild purple hair lksfjds, his name is Tino bc it’s partially a section of my not first name and also “cupertino” was a family name in my fam that i always thought sounded kinda cool *w* tino loves his strong wife and is bffs with keaton (THEY WERE KICKING ASS TOGETHER AS DRAGON AND WOLFSKIN SO IM LIKE,,,,, UR BESTIES NOW IT’S CANON) . and i like to imagine leo and corrin are really close bc theyre close in age so i made sure to make them really close :3 AND ALSO ODIN AND ELISE BC FAVES LOL..... 

rev is probs gonna be me again bc like. im marrying odin. im in love w/him i gotta do what i gotta do fdskjlfjsjlk [THO IM FOREVER SALTY ABOUT HOW THOSE SUPPORTS GO HHHHGHHGHFD CORRIN DONT BE A COWARD AND BE NICER TO ODIN DAMMIT]

What’re ur corrins like,,, eyes emoji,,

WHAHH NO UR GOOD !! listen any lore is good lore for me , I REALLY WANNA HEAR ABOUT BRADYS CLINIC, i remember u talkin about him and owain in that one and also brady in feh mentions it and it MADE ME SO SAD MY SWEET BOY I LOVE YOU BRADYYYYYYYYYY

i need to replay awakening so i can actually get kjelle this time ;w; I RAN OUT OF MEN IM SORRY SWEETIE SKLJFSD

me cryin at intsys why wont u let chrom hold  mrobins HAND they r in love,,,,, god if they made an awakening remake id cry and marry chrom 50 more times fjkslfdjdsls

PLEASE YOU GOTTA THEYRE SO FUNNY I CRY SKLLFJSKLFDS

IM GONNA POST SOME OF MY FAVE 4KOMAS HFSDKJFSJK LOOK

I THINK ABOUT THOSE TWO ALL THE  TI M E JFKDSFLJS 

also odin and niles are banned from the kitchen forever and i. i die:

cooking with niles uhh corrin voice: i would prefer not to fsdklfjslkdfjksdl

i saw a fancomic just like this one and i just think about both every time i put kaze or the other ninjas in the arena fkjlsdfjdsklj POOF , alas, 

im in love with these two oh my god. this + skimming through felicia’s and ryoma’s supports similar to these comics made me dead set on s supporting them together when i play revelations because oh my god this is the cutest thing ive ever seen in my  entire LIFE . ryoma!!!!!!!!! you blushy dork !!!!!!! 

RYOMA RIPPING OFF HIS SHIRT AND TAKUMI BEING LIKE BROTHER NO WHAT THE FUCK FSJDKLFJSKL IT’S SO FUNNY , and these two have a fun rivalry about corrin fjskdflskl ive skimmed their supports and it’s Amusing 

but like, best one is still 

THESE STUPID LOSER BROTHERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH FJSDKLFHGHH i cant fuckin wait to play rev and to force everyone to be best friends . also the first 60000 times i read this one i didnt even notice the arrow so i thought leo just saw a far away enemy headed for them and just punched him about it fkjsdlfjds

god theyre just

so funny

[aceyanaheim]

Okay let’s try this one more time.

Questions from this thingy that I saw a friendo do last year.

Introduction: Acey. That’s it that’s the introduction.

Diagnosis: I’m working on getting a Diagnosis but Autism and some form of attachment disorder.

As of 2019:

Neurocognitive and Cognitive Disorder due to Seizures

Major Depressive Disorder

General Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

Personality Change Due to Seizure Disorder ( later confirmed by a second psychiatrist to be Borderline Personality Disorder)

C-PTSD symptoms ( still waiting on final diagnosis but symptons have been confirmed and disorder is very likely.) 

Autism more or less confirmed by multiple professionals  but still waiting to be able to afford testing.

Symptoms: 

Autism/ASD : Can’t read tone. Hard time with social interaction. Sensory issues. Adherence to routine. Stimming. Scripting. Childish behaviour.  Meltdowns. Hyperfixation.

Attachment Issues: I tend to attach/get attached to people really fast. At the same time I push them away or tell myself I don’t matter to them. I also have a hard time getting attached to people. It’s either super quick or like pulling teeth. I want to be with people all the time. Codependence I guess is the word I’m looking for.  

Social Anxiety: I’m...basically always scared when I’m talking to people? I’m scared I’ll say the wrong thing. I have my answers and messages rehearsed and proofread and sometimes vetted by someone else ( unless it’s sensitive info)  and I still feel like something comes across in a negative way. ( like This is too cheerful, That’s too morbid, does that sound dismissive? If I say This I fuck up in this way but if I say THAT I fuck up in another) It couples with my autism since that...actually makes me say awkward/wrong shit all the time. 

Has come down since starting Lexapro but still present.

Emotional Flashbacks: Feelings that were there while you were experiencing the traumatic event. Happen at random triggers. Incredibly strong. To the point that they don’t correspond to the stimuli and feel freshly felt. ( tied to C-PTSD) 

Hyper-vigilance ( tied to C-PTSD)

Anxiety attacks

Panic Attacks

Don’t act as mature as other people my age/more at home with younger people.

Hypersensitive to any perceived rejection. 

Brain fixates on bad memories and repeats them : C-PTSD

Constant fear of it happening again: C-PTSD

Black or White thinking: I’ll think someone’s sick of me or can’t stand me at stuff like being left on read while also deciding I love them and they’re the best person ever when they do something nice to me. Intense but have some modicum of self awareness. ( i know on some level people dont dislike or hate me, i still spiral though)

“Duckling Syndrome” ( is what i call it) : I’ll see someone be nice to me and all I can think of is how much I want them to adopt me, to take me home, to make me part of their family. It’s too strong to be anything but disordered. It hurts. ( possibly part of bpd) 

Has in the past put self in bad situations to not be alone ( connected to bpd/attachment disorder) 

Other Stuff I either need to mention to my shrink and/or hasn’t been tied down to any of my dx disorders:

I want things to be Just So. Like I want a certain kinda paper for certain kinds of mediums in art. I want my food in a certain order. I eat it in A Certain Order I get really uncomfortable otherwise.

I think I’ve depersonalized or dissociated at least five times..but..only when things get REALLY bad...like when I spiral. I still get those two confused even after reading the definitions but it’s like….I don’t feel anything? But I’m weirdly aware that I’m supposed to? Like I flipped a switch. Also mixed with this weird its not real feeling. I hasn’t happened in roughly a year tho so I dunno if it counts? Its been happening again this year. Still unsure if disordered or stress reaction.

I tend to struggle with depressive episodes from time to time. Like I’ll just lay on the bed and not wanna do anything. I have games to play, I have hobbies I could indulge in but I just..don’t want to. Don’t see the point.

Have thought that I’d be better off not existing. ( AKA suicidal ideation) Currently under control.

I’ve developed these like...weird paranoia spells? Like this one time a cop yelled at me ( to mess with me) and I was suddenly terrified of him following me and hurting me and my dad ( which yes can be attributed to the amount of police brutality you hear about, especially to people who don’t speak english fluently but like I saw it in my mind’s eye and it would not stop and the dude left and I was still seeing in my head him like following me home and hurting us) or like just recently some man asked about my dog and how much she was worth and this weird ass alarm went off in my head to get the hell away from him and what if he follows me home? What if he takes my dog? What if he follows me home AND takes my dog? They’re pretty sporadic ( though not as much as I want them to be)  but they’re also really intense. Have stopped since I started Lexapro.

Physical Self Harm in the past to ground, to punish myself, in times of high emotion. All of the above. ( has stopped as of last year. Even intrusive thoughts about it are at a minimum.)

Obsession with being “good”: If I ever do something I think is a mistake I all but turn on myself. I beat myself up. I think of myself as a bad person ( there’s only Good and Bad for me..but only in regards to myself) I have to be nice. I have to be kind. I have to be good in a way that’s disordered. ( this compounds with my social anxiety and bpd to bind me into being a “good person” ( someone who never gets mad never talks back never does anything but niceness irregardless of the fact that..it’s impossible) I tend to think if I’m “bad” that people need to punish me, yell at me, or hurt me. That I need to Atone) ( could be part of CPTSD due to past abuse. Answer pending) 

Intrusive thoughts: mostly about self harm but also about “learning my place” and...calling myself things I’d rather not say. I’ve so far at least managed to recognize they’re intrusive ( might be related to any of the disorders listed above but also with past abuse but unsure at the moment. Shrink thinks its tied to bpd. Could be tied to past abuse I haven’t discussed in therapy yet.)

Disordered Eating of sorts: due to my mother being paranoid about unhealthy food I’ve gone days where I can’t bring myself to eat something because I’m scared it’ll hurt me. There’s times where I’ve needed my friend to tell me to eat. There’s times where I feel like if I eat I have to exercise it off. It’s about control, it’s about fear, it’s….about everything but weight. Hella strong last year. More or less brought under control as of this year. But remain as intrusive thoughts and pop up as intrusive thoughts from time to time.

React badly to being alone, especially at home and not getting social interaction. Depression kicks up, sometimes depersonalization ( might have ties to childhood epilepsy -having to be on lock-down  and kept indoors a lot due to my own risk of being hurt via seizure- but combines with bpd/attachment disorders) 

Have Shown Signs/Moments of Age Regression ( more often than not with the emotional flashbacks but not always)

Literally all the symptoms act up at night/around bedtime. Mostly anxiety but some others that have now been associated with bpd. Causes sleeping problems ( I hesitate to call it insomnia because I do sleep but it can get as bad as 3 hours a night until i just conk out at the end of the week -or 2 weeks- out of sheer exhaustion. Has been present since I was a teenager.) 

In The Past: Recklessness and disregard for personal safety and care.

Sometimes get this  physical feeling like my brain is overloaded. Often with hypervigilance or spirals where my mind races.

Stigma:

“I’m autistic” “I’m so sorry”

“I’m autistic” “And you’re sure you wanna go for that major?”

“I’m autistic” “But not that kind of autistic right?”

“I mean if you need accommodations to take a test then are you really cut out to have that kinda job?”

I consider myself a very patient person.

“She doesn’t know any better. You know she’s special” ( I was standing right there)

“I guess you don’t love anyone huh?” ( I was uh..I was nine years old)

“You’re codependent as fuck” ( that one my abuser said to me...after...making me codependent on her..yeah) 

“You talk like a robot. It’s like you don’t feel anything.” ( eeemotianl detachment due to CPTSD in my teenage years) 

“You’re choosing not to grow up” ( when expressing fears of develomental problems/disordered behaviour that could cause lack of maturity. I was asking for help) 

“You’re a lot”

“People with your disorder tend to be a problem for other people”

“You need therapy” “I am in therapy” “Then why are you still acting like this.”

“You’re just making excuses.”

“It’s like you like to cause trouble.” ( circa 2013)

“You just wanna hurt people that’s why you’re doing this.” ( circa...most of the 2000s) 

Multiple people in my family constantly make it a point ( or have in the past like..for most of my life) to tell me no one’s wanna live with someone like me ( I’m forgetful and before I figured out some ways to help it and the depression was bad uber messy)

Multiple people in my family try to discourage me from trying things because “you know you have that...thing”

And I mean..the usual constant bombardment of Autism being something you have to Fix. Of it causing people you love pain, and them never being happy because of it, of it being a defect.

People around me use autistic as an insult.

General comments about how horrible living with my mentally ill family must be ( ignoring that I’m mentally ill as well) and how my parents probably wish we weren’t disordered ( ignoring that they are also disordered) and how basically there’s no way for us to be happy.

I think at one point someone actually said to me something along the lines of “I bet your parents wish you and your siblings were born differently”

“I’m so proud you can do this incredibly easy thing that I think is all you can really do and I’m gonna talk to you in the most condescending tone about it like who’s a good lil autistic person look at you, talkin and solving basic problems and everything.” ( obvs paraphrased but thats...usually the gist) 

Define Your Disorders

Autism: a developmental disorder that affects communication and behavior.

Attachment Disorder: the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships ( it was the only one I can find that doesn’t talk about RAD as I don’t have the criteria for that. This one’s tricky cause I don’t have the proper diagnosis for it yet, for all I know it could be part of a bigger disorder)

BPD:a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness. Symptoms include emotional instability, feelings of worthlessness, insecurity, impulsivity, and impaired social relationships.

Major Depression Disorder: Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

General Anxiety Disorder.:  Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).

Amnesic Disorder Due To Epilepsy :Inability to remember events for a period of time.

Myth about your disorders and the truth

Autistic people are dangerous

Autistic people are unfeeling

Autistic people are uncaring

Autistic people are all nonverbal

Autistic people are all mentally challenged. ( I ??)

Autistic people ar a burden on their families/a parent who abuse or even  kills their autistic child ( which happens so much it’s an acknowledged problem)  deserves sympathy.

Autistic people are brainy and mostly male.

Autism is a spectrum disorder. People exhibit different traits and while some hyperfocus on things that help them academically some hyperfocus on things that don’t or that even make their grades suffer like other interest tend to. ( my hyperfocus was fanfiction and I failed like five classes because of it) I have a friend who’s autistic and likes to party and drink and hang out with people. I have another friend who’s autistic who likes to skate and science. I’m autistic and I like neither of those things. We’re all over the place in every way even when we do share some common traits

Literally we all have people and things we care about.

Literally all of us have affectionate moments. I’m fairly physically affectionate if I’m close to/feel safe with someone.

Nonverbal and autism aren’t always correlated. Further, some autistic people go nonverbal for a bit but can speak other times.

Autism looks different in girls/afab people because we’ve been socialized differently.

Parents who kill their autistic kids are just straight up horrible people and I resent having to be told to have sympathy for them while simultaneously wishing I had “autistic” written on my forehead so I could be angry without a guilt trip and also simultaneously hoping to god I never stop passing for neurotypical because apparently the moment you show too many traits no one cares if someone hurts you or worse.

The whole “autistic people are dangerous” thing is mostly people showing videos of meltdowns which only happen under high stress and is something people use to demonize us and make us seem like burdens...and is actually why the whole “sympathy for an abusive/murderer parent of a neuroatypical” thing is fucked ten ways from Sunday. We aren’t dangerous.

I don’t...have a lot for the attachment disorder since I’m still waiting to figure out what that one’s really about and I haven’t really….met anyone else who has anything like it or shares symptoms with me.

I think off the top of my head it’s when people think it’s “cute” that you’re super clingy or go the other way and say people with attachment issues are uncaring. The first one romanticizes a behaviour that you’re trying to work on fixing/curbing and that is honestly hell. The second one is...is just as untrue as saying an autistic person is inherently uncaring ( or any mentally ill person for that matter)

I’ve also seen people say that people with any kind of attachment disorder are broken and that I feel confident enough in saying that they’re not...and I’m not.

I’ve been told people with BPD can’t be aware of their own disorder and have been denied testing due to this. 

I’ve seen people say people with BPD are a problem to others.

Anxiety: I’ve seen a lot of people who think it’s fake. And also that the only way you can have anxiety if you’re rocking back and forth gasping for breath.

There’s actually multiple ways to have anxiety attacks.

Tips for those who know/love someone with same disorders/symptoms

Well, starting off with, and keeping in mind that I’m not a proffesional or expert in...literally anything ever like ever ever....

A very dear friend of mine once said “it’s a whole lot easier to be supportive than it is not to be” Let people with disorders tell you what they need, and then respect it. Open communication and making them feel safe is key...to everything. Being informed is important but at the end of the day, different people will experience things differently and what they need is really down to them. Don’t assume that reading about their disorder means you know what they need better than them. Don’t talk about how their disorder affects you. Even if you have good intentions, you’re going to make them feel bad. If you’re a parent, don’t talk to others about your child’s disorder in front of them. And if they don’t like a therapist, listen to them as to why. Don’t assume it’s just because “they’re disordered” that’s lazy parenting.

Take triggers seriously, talk to them about what symptoms they need help with, and which they’d rather process or deal with  on their own. Just..show that you have that initiative, that you’re there for them. Listen. Be patient. Establish boundaries gently but firmly. If someone with my attachment disorder is ringing you a lot and you need time to yourself, let them know. Explain. Don’t go radio silent. People with autism can be bad at reading you. Again explain, be patient, but don’t just....leave them there to guess what they did wrong. C-PTSD is traumagenic in nature so I’d add to taking triggers seriously, be ready for Tragic Backstory drop behind disclosing some triggers ( and understand how much they have to trust you to disclose that.) but also be ready for “I just don’t want this in my field of vision and I don’t feel comfortable talking about it just yet.” Don’t push for details. Don’t push period.

And also just....treat em like people you know. Disordered people are still people, let them exist outside their disorders and do the things that people in that relationship that you have with them. ( whatever relationship that is) do. 

How your disorder/s affect your relationships 

In the past -and before I was a bit more self aware- it’s made me uber clingy. I would call friends constantly, message them a lot. Think someone was my best friend or even closer than they really were because they were nice to me. It scared people off.

On the flip side I would also convince myself people didn’t like me or I was nothing to them the moment I caught myself having strong feelings. ( which as said before would happen mcquicklike)

As one can imagine this would put a lot of pressure on new friendships. Often it would sour them, sometimes it would make people dislike me. Sometimes it’d make them unconfortable. Which as my disorder also affects how I receive rejection...was..really bad.

On the flip side of the flip side I was also incredibly ride or die and it left me open to a lot of manipulation and abuse from friends. I couldn’t be mad at them if they hurt me. I couldn’t say no to anything they said. I needed them.

My anxiety also contributes to this as I would constantly go through a checklist of how many good interactions vs “bad” or awkward interactions I had with people before I let myself feel like I was safe to call people my friends. Or even say I did okay interacting.

I had a lot of nights while I was making friends in college where I just felt like I was nothing to anyone. Like I was messing up. Looking back, it was just standard new friend interactions.

The more people mean to me, the more I’d freak out-I didn’t want to lose them. So it made it hard to even enjoy the friendship milestones I did achieve.

I’m using past tense because it’s gotten a lot better as situations that were making this 10 times worse have alleviated somewhat but there’s still seeds of it and sometimes it flares up. I’m just aware enough I can sometimes if not stop it identify it as my disorder talking. I don’t keep lists anymore but sometimes the thought pops up.

Facts About Your Disorder You Wish People Knew

I wish people knew what scripting and autistic burnout was. And that adults can have autism. And that vaccines don’t cause autism so stupid ass people didn’t risk their kid getting sick because they’re scared of my neurology.

I wish the only thing when I search about

I wish people took triggers seriously.

I wish more people knew about attachment disorders period.

I wish people knew how hard it all is sometimes.

 Favorite healthy coping techniques

Plushies, pillows. Physical grounding techniques that include physical stimming. I’m very tactile when it comes to my autism and stimming so grounding techniques were Good Textures are involved help double.

For attachment disorder spirals: Watching YT animators or vloggers. Like a lot. It recently chased off my sleeping problems. 

Playing with my dog.

Walking outside.

Going to the beach.

Looking at buildings. ( I don’t..I don’t know why?? It’s like a visual stim I guess? Like buildings that stand out to me due to their shape or being different than I usually see)

Basically going outside. ( to look at buildings, to look at nature, to the dog park, out in the grass in front of my building just..Outside Good, Inside Bad) 

Sending fun stuff to friends/doing things for them.

I tend to get a good happy chemical surge from helping people/doing nice things for people so that’s something I really like using to my advantage. I’m looking at volunteer options.

Also cartoons and Disney Channel shows I watch a lot of those.

Cooking. I can’t understand this one either but cooking and baking sometimes even gives me more energy.

Current biggest struggles with your disorder/s

Being at home tanks my mental health. I don’t drive. So I’m home a lot.

Seeing families be happy hurts sometimes. And that’s my main confort narrative.

Seeing my friends with their families hurts sometimes.  All I can think of is how much I wish I was a part of that. So I have to...not spend time with my friends.

I’m afraid to live alone.

I can’t get anything done sometimes. My train of thought has been crashing to the point that I completely lose it and I miss goals and deadlines almost every month. I need to get assignments done, build a portfolio, at least keep shrink dates, its all a hurdle lately. Even before that it’s hard for me to get stuff done when I’m home on  my own ( aka when I’m supposed to be doing things) because all my brain can think is “we’re alone we’re alone we’re alone. It’s too quiet. We need to talk to someone.” According to my shrink DBT will help with this. I can’t wait.

It’s hard to see a myself having a good future sometimes. Because of how many hangups I have and how late I am in addressing them ( I’m 28) and how much there is to do.

 What not to say to a person with similar/same disorder/s

“You’re making it all up”

“You should just get over it, it happened so long ago”

“You’re bringing me down stop talking about this”

“Its all in your head”

“Every one feels that way really”

Anything dismissive.

Anything from the stigma answer.

Literally any kind of pity (granted thats more a me thing due to childhood epilepsy meaning i had to deal with a lot of that. But honestly I’ll stand by it bc I’m not sure anyone really ...likes pity. )  

Ways in which your disorder/s affect your daily life

I deal with executive dysfunction which makes it hard to get anything done. I feel like I’m starting over constantly. I feel like my age doesn’t match my brain. All of this augments my depression.  I have to take days off in the middle of the week to just do nothing or catch up to all the stuff I haven’t done. I miss deadlines or just barely make them. I’m also a budding workaholic which I used to do to avoid dwelling on all these feelings so having to take breaks isn’t….something I’m used to or really like. I at one point handled school, work, and 2 editing jobs. I used to do martial arts, I like running, I like swimming. I’m the kind of person that needs to be on the move and lately that’s hard because spoons and energy.

Also a lot of basic self care is hard to get done because of the dysfunction mentioned above.

Things that give you hope

The fact that I’m finally getting therapy.

I guess having people I can talk to about it.

My family isn’t as bad as it was back in 2014.

I guess I know that even if I feel like I’m at a dead end, I’ll figure something out. That’s what I do. I mean that’s life, you think things are never getting better or that something’s the end of the world but really time marches onwards and so do you and you figure it out. Things fall into place. I believe life has a funny way of working out. If anything because it kinda has to, it can’t stand still yknow. I have moments of clarity where I just kinda remember that ( its not my first rodeo.in regards to hard times or Things That Happen..its not even my hardest rodeo so..if I got through that..you kinda figure you can muddle through this and see what comes next yknow) I’m oddly hopeful for the first time in a long time so, it’s p cool.

Treatment types and personal choices

I spent most of my childhood, and teenage years...and early 20s dodging therapy and help due to it being controlled by my mother and having really bad experiences with it in the past.I do regret it sometimes but I comfort myself with the fact that it was what seemed like the best decision and i didn’t have the information I now have about keeping her out of things. 

After finding better insurance and getting into university I found a way to get myself a psychiatrist and am working on finding talk therapy. For the most part I tended to patch myself up a lot by finding ways to quiet the thoughts I had ( saving text messages to remind myself people dont hate me. Talking myself down. Joining social activities. That sorta home brew stuff. I’ve been soloing a lot of shit I probably shouldn’t have been until recently but hey live and learn. Also I didn’t have insurance.) As of recently I’m on an antidepresant and  hopefully going into DBT. That reminds me I have to call them.

Your support system

I’ve found some really nice friends like they’ve kinda just collectively adopted me and when your disorder stems from losing family that..that’s been incredibly helpful. All my close friends are long distance but they help me. My younger sister is also there although i try to limit how much she’s privy to as she just turned 18. My brother and I tend to spend limited time together due to him having his own stuff goin on but I’d also put him there. My parents sorta count as....one supportive unit? ( they try with the best of intentions but it uh..thats..thats really all I can say about them)

Reactions from those who learn about your disorder/s

I get told I can’t possibly have them because i “look too successful” or whatever ableist rethoric they got going. When I talk about C-PTSD symptons I get side eye for “trivializing” it as they don’t believe I can have it and think I’m exaggerating anxiety symptons. When I talk about Attachment Disorders…..I often don’t because people always say something along the lines of “people with that are often too damaged and you don’t fit the bill” which..ouch.

Mostly it goes from “you don’t look like a damaged and/or psychopath crazy person” to “oh...I guess you are one” with a bit of “okay thats fine” but still anger and impatience when I show symptoms.

I don’t talk about my disorders a lot.

 Future hopes and dreams

I’d like to get my attachment disorder under control as it’s the main life wrecking thing I have. After that or along with that I’d like to live somewhere where I get the social interaction I kinda need.

I wanna be happy with whatever profession I have and just..my life in general.

I hope DBT helps. Whatever it is It’s my first time even trying it.

I have a couple of personal creative goals but I don’t wanna jinx them by disclosing them ( I did mention I had anxiety)

Interactions with other people with the same disorders

I follow some peeps with BPD and also folks on the spectrum on tumblr. I don’t really have a lot of  analog interaction. ( again no driving + suburbia = being cooped up A Lot)  My sister and I share some disordered traits so we talk about them often and that helps a lot.

Things you want to work on/improve

The whole black and white thinking and maybe getting things done on time. I’d like to get the spirals under control too.

 Work/school experience with disorder/s

Shit’s hard.

Often I don’t get the help I need and have learned to overcompensate/regulate so I can still get things done. I pretty much need to work since i don’t believe I’d qualify for disability. I get in trouble a lot for spacing out ( dissociating) and forgetting things at work. Work friendships are also slow burn if not just nonexistent due to my autism and people..not really knowing what to make of it. I’ll probably have to quit working while I study since I can’t really split focus enough to do both lately. Further, a lot of my energy needs to go into school things staying afloat and that tends to mean I can’t do things that contribute to my mental health ( i.e spending time with friends, going out, sometimes even therapy, taking breaks) as I’ve found out that sends me way back in recovery.

Free space!

Here’s a picture of my cat. She’s a demon. What it said Free Space.

Family history of mental disorders?

Mother has Bipolar disorder and depression. Sister has bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and eating disorders, Brother has anxiety and shows signs of ADHD, Dad has what we suspect is ADHD and possibly some disorder traits from past trauma. Used to have anger issues.

I uh..I used to call us “The Madhouse” for most of my late teens and early 20s.

Media representation of disorder/s

Attachment disorders: characters who are stalkers and so desperate for love family and acceptance they’ll do anything, even hurt people to feel it. Also often don’t have depression and can do things like learn villain skills.

Autistic traits are often cherry picked and portrayed in an unfavorable light. I think I’ve seen some rare cases of actual representation though.

How do you feel about talking about your mental health?

I don’t...like it as much as talking about mental health in general. Most of my life is...me running away from trauma and trying to  reclaim a life outside of it. It’s what I did with my epilepsy of course that one was easier because the seizures went away. 

Talking about it feels like going back. I wanna just move on with it. But I’ve reluctantly come around to see that talking about it is a way to move on. And I mean its not like dodging it’s worked out that well for me so.

 The true face of mental illness (Selfie if you’re comfortable with it)

Aww yiiss. Selfies.

[andreaphobia]

fic: the aerodynamic properties of eggs. (HARUKA & MAKOTO)

Characters: Haruka/Makoto, Kisumi, Asahi Wordcount: ~2200

Summary:

Makoto eggs Haruka's house for a dare, then ends up asking him out.

Also on AO3.

If this was the last thing Makoto ever did, he wanted everyone to know that it was one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt, entirely Kisumi’s fault.

He can think of roughly a million other places he’d rather be, and a billion other things he’d rather be doing. Like... flossing, or folding his underpants. Doing his math homework. Literally anything besides standing in the middle of a dark street somewhere in his neighborhood, clutching a carton of eggs, and trying not to hyperventilate until he blacks out.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and without having to look, he knows what it says. It’s either Kisumi or Asahi, reminding him of the terms of their game. Trying to make sure he doesn’t chicken out. This is a real problem when it comes to Makoto, who is not big on rule-breaking as a whole. Without the reminder that someone out there is keeping tabs on him, he probably wouldn’t be here at all.

Fortunately for the two of them, while Makoto doesn’t make a habit of juvenile delinquency, he is susceptible to peer pressure. Which brings us to the present: Tachibana Makoto has to egg someone’s house.

Why? Because he was dared to, and Kisumi and Asashi already did: it’s as simple as that. Furthermore, neither of them got caught doing it, which raises the stakes somewhat. Now, not only does Makoto have to egg a house, he must also completely avoid detection, Mission Impossible-style. And, if he should be caught, he’s on his own—he’ll have to talk his own way out of it.

(Such are the ways of young men and the idiotic games they play with each other.)

In the first place, Makoto wonders, in increasingly growing dismay, how does one egg a house? He hasn’t the faintest idea. Oh, sure, he can make an educated guess based purely on the necessary physical logistics of it—you know, reach into carton, grasp egg firmly in hand, fling egg, repeat until someone calls the cops, and then hightail it out of there.

But it’s the other stuff that isn’t so clear. Should he stand on the sidewalk to maintain plausible deniability, or get way up close so he doesn’t miss? Would it be more efficient to try throwing the whole carton at once, and, if so, should he do it underhand or overhead? Is an airborne egg likely to retain its physical integrity as it flies, or is there a chance of, say, spontaneous egg combustion?

His phone buzzes again, insistently, and he almost drops the entire carton of eggs on his foot.

“Okay, okay, I got it already,” he mumbles, although it’s not like Kisumi or Asahi can hear him. There’s nothing else for it—he has to do it, consequences be damned.

Makoto fumbles the carton open, then stares at the contents within, immediately paralyzed by the array of choices laid out before him. Should he start with the egg in the top left corner? The one next to it? How much of an effect does the size and shape of the egg have on its aerodynamic properties? Also, does any of this even matter?

He shuts his eyes and snatches one at random, partially squishing it in his panic. This almost certainly compromises its aerodynamic properties; nevertheless, with eyes still shut, he draws his arm back over his shoulder and then flings the fistful of crushed egg in the general direction of the house. And that’s when the lights go on.

Makoto leaps several feet into the air, lets out a high-pitched whisper-scream, and actually does drop the carton of eggs on his foot. Then stumbles, and steps on them, for good measure. A shadowy figure has peeled away from the tree in the front yard, solidifying into the shape of a man. The man is holding a flashlight, the beam of which is pointed directly at Makoto’s face, blinding him.

“So,” a gruff voice says, “you’ve been egging houses on this street, have you?”

“NO!” Makoto wails, immediately. He shields his eyes, which allows him to sort of make out some of the details of the figure who’s standing in the yard pointing the flashlight at him. An adult. An older man, who looks very grumpy indeed. And not at all impressed by Makoto’s denial, either—understandably, given the egg bits dripping from his hand and the carton of broken eggs under his feet.

“A likely story,” the man says, brusquely. “Trying to play dumb even though you’ve been caught in the act, eh?” At last, he lowers the flashlight and crosses his arms, which gives Makoto’s eyes a bit of a reprieve. “Well? What do you have to say for yourself?”

Without any apparent input or engagement from his brain, Makoto’s mouth leaps into action. He babbles something only partially coherent about a dare, something about his friends doing it first and feeling like he had to and he’s really sorry he didn’t mean it he’ll never do it again he doesn’t even like eggs—

“—I see,” the man interrupts, after listening to this word vomit for a solid twenty seconds. “A dare... is that right?” He shakes his head, sighing heavily. “You know, lad, you’re about my Haruka’s age. You really ought to know better.”

Alarm bells are going off in Makoto’s head, but unfortunately his brain is still out to sea, so his mouth can no longer be stopped. It has latched on to the name ‘Haruka’ as someone who can be used as an excuse, and barrels on into oblivion, guns a-blazin’.

“Haruka—um—we—it—my friends dared me—because we’d—gone out on a date—but it didn’t—I mean—we didn’t work out—but I still—”

The man stares at him.

“You... went out with Haruka?” he asks, in a very funny tone of voice.

There’s a lengthy pause, during which Makoto’s brain labors to catch up to the conversation of the past couple of minutes. Then another one, during which he screams internally and tries to rewind time to that period of blissful ignorance, before he was aware of the words that had just come out of his own mouth.

“Uhm...” Finally, Makoto decides that—if nothing else—he can at least make his story internally consistent. (He intuits that this will probably be a mark in his favor, when he’s going up on the stand in juvie court.) “Yes...?”

It comes out sounding like a question, but fortunately the man doesn’t seem to notice. He fixes Makoto with an unreadable look, which lasts for so long that Makoto hyperfixates on the feeling of the sweat dripping down the back of his neck, and starts to panic.

Then the man switches off his flashlight, tucks it under his arm, and turns over his shoulder to bellow, “HARUKA! Get out here!”

After an excruciating minute, the porch light on the front of the house comes on, and the front door swings open. A slim figure emerges from the house wearing flip flops, trotting down the gravel pathway and then down the lawn (taking care to avoid the aborted egg splatter that only ended up making it halfway to the house).

The figure comes up next to the man, who Makoto assumes is his dad, and looks back and forth between the two of them, expressionlessly.

“...What?”

Makoto gulps. Okay, first of all, Haruka is a guy. Which—not a bad thing, but definitely a surprise. Second of all, he’s—uh—how do you say it? Oh, right—smokin’ hot. Shorter than Makoto, with dark, silky hair and blue eyes; nice wrists and cheekbones, and a tight waist that looks just the perfect size for Makoto to grab him by and carry him around. Nice mouth, too, and kinda... sexy... lips. (Even in the privacy of his own head, this thought is enough to make him blush.)

“Boy said he wants to talk to you,” Haruka’s father says, his voice gone weirdly gruff again. “I’ll—uh—leave you two to it.”

“I thought you were trying to catch the kid who was egging houses on our street.”

“Never you mind that. Just—tell me about it later, okay?”

He claps Haruka on the shoulder affectionately, then turns and heads back up into the house.

Haruka watches him leave blankly. Eventually, he turns back to Makoto. He doesn’t say anything, however, and at this point Makoto becomes acutely aware that he is still standing there with egg drippings on his hand, and is standing on a carton of eggs. (As far as good first impressions ago, he figures this probably doesn’t even make the top two hundred.)

“Uh—sorry.” Good start—but future prospects are dim. Anyway, given the fact that he’s been caught with egg on face (and hand—and shoe), he feels like he may as well be honest. What has he got to lose? “My friends dared me to egg your house, and your, um, your dad caught me. So I told him that we... er...” This part is a bit of a sticking point, but he stands firm, “...that it was because we... um... broke up.”

Haruka blinks.

“But we’ve never dated,” he points out, quite reasonably.

“You’re right, we haven’t.”

“I don’t think we’ve even met.”

“Yes, that’s true.”

With the facts of the matter confirmed, Haruka lapses back into what appears to be a thoughtful silence. Makoto is just starting to wonder if he can excuse himself to go wash the egg off his hand yet when Haruka finally speaks.

“But we need to break up anyway.”

“Uhm...” Makoto tries to think about this logically, but his brain is fried. He shrugs, instead. “I guess so? Yeah.”

Haruka nods, like it’s all starting to make sense now. “So we should go out on a date.”

“Yeah, we—wait, what? That wasn’t what I—”

Makoto’s idiot mouth is on the cusp of producing another stream of idiocy when his brain finally seizes the wheel, stopping it in its tracks before it can scuttle his chances with smokin’-hot Haruka any worse. “You... want to go out with me?”

“It only makes sense,” Haruka says—slower this time, as though he’s talking to a moron, which is both kinda funny and also really rude. “We need to break up. But we’ve never dated. So we should date... so that we can break up.”

Makoto blinks. If you selectively disengage all the parts of the brain that process conscious thought, he supposes it almost starts to make a weird kind of sense.

“Uh... where do you... want to go, then?”

Haruka doesn’t hesitate. “The beach. I’m free this weekend.”

On some level, Makoto is starting to feel as though he is perhaps just having a very weird and specific dream. However, dream or not, Haruka still has a sexy mouth and a sexy everything else, too, so at this point it seems reasonable to decide that he’s just going to go wherever this wild ride takes him.

His phone buzzes again, reminding him of its existence. Thanks to that, it occurs to him that maybe they should exchange numbers, so he reaches into his pocket to grab it, and by the time he remembers he has eggy hands it’s already too late.

“Oh, crap—darn it.” Helplessly, he wipes his phone screen off on the seat of his jeans, and then his hand as well, because what the hell, right? “Here, do you want to give me your number, then? Sorry about the... um... the egg.”

Haruka takes the phone from him without a word, dials in a number, then hands it back. Makoto saves it into his contacts, then returns the phone to his pocket.

That seems to be that, and he’s not sure what to do next, so he just laughs, awkwardly. “So... see you on Saturday, I guess...?”

“Bye,” Haruka says, turning to go back into his house.

Part of Makoto feels like he’s won the lottery; another part suspects he’s actually making a mistake. (The last part just enjoys the sight of Haruka walking away; those jeans look like they were made to be peeled off of him.)

The door shuts behind Haruka, and then the porch light goes out, leaving Makoto standing alone in the dark.

For quite some time, he doesn’t move, still processing the events of the last ten minutes. Eventually it occurs to him that he’s got texts waiting, and re-extracts his phone. There are several unread messages in his inbox:

10:31pm > no waiting! no pulling out! the house must be egged! THE GAME HAS SPOKEN!

10:32pm > did you get caught?

10:37pm > you got caught, didn’t you?!

10:40pm > WE’RE DISAVOWING ALL KNOWLEDGE OF YOU, OPERATIVE MAKOTO!!!

Makoto sighs, scrapes a fleck of egg shell off his phone’s screen, and hesitantly types out a reply to the last message.

10:42pm > I’m not really sure what just happened, but I... got a date, somehow?

The reply is nearly instantaneous (“WHAT?!?!?!”, though depicted here with less punctuation for brevity’s sake), but Makoto has already put his phone away. After being put through the wringer like that, the least he can do for revenge is make them wait a couple of hours for all the juicy details.

As he reaches down to scoop up his ruined carton of eggs, it occurs to him that he never told Haruka his name. Makoto’s gotta admit, he admires the chutzpah of a guy who’ll ask a complete stranger out without even knowing what to call him. Well, that’s what he got Haruka’s number for (and thank God he’d had the foresight for it).

Feeling strangely cheerful for no particular reason at all, he picks up his eggs and heads on home.