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saintwrld · 1 year

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Lift me up

pairing: shuri x reader

summary: in which you discover your powers and help the mighty black panther in the war against Wakanda and Talokan

themes: angst

warnings: major character death (twice, idk what’s wrong with me)

translations: mntanasekhaya - sibling, sthandwa sam- my love, sisi omdala - older sister, usishiyile - she has passed (also meaning she has left us)

taglist: @pinkwright @zayswriting @vixentheplanet @inmyheadimobsessed @laurensmabel1 @ventingfanfics @quintessencewrites @ziayamikaelson @blackgirlfariy @shuriszn @6-noir @ogbells16 @cuddl3s4shur1 @n7cje @awolfcsworld @zhanylai @hetr0ph0bic @heejayy @heartsforjojo @locoforshuri @iloveekeiarah @khaleesi56 @thevenusianleo @verachii @axailslink @mbakuetshurisprincess @shinsousliya @letitias-fav @dejaonline (if i didn’t tag you, lemme know!)

a/n: i felt real angsty today 🤭 hope you enjoy

.°୭̥

Wakanda had fallen silent.

The nation had been struck down by the loss of its sovereign ruler, Queen Ramonda, due to the same beings who kidnapped the American scientist along with your best friend, Princess Shuri.

Oh, Shuri. How your heart poured out to her whilst dealing with the pain of losing a mother figure. You could not imagine what emotions have taken over her heart. It pained you to even think of that dreadful day. How you had been occupied with figuring out your new found powers and had declined giving the American scientist, Riri, the tour of the palace. Believing it would be best for the queen to handle instead of you.

How it pained you to realise that your last words to Queen Ramonda were that of giving goodbyes and hugging each other as if you knew she was leaving. How you were having conversations with the elders of Wakanda on your deity, Bast, without yet revealing your new identity to them and the blast of water floods entered your spiritual vision before your actual vision.

Feeling the pressure of water pushing you and many other people. Hearing screams from each direction you turned your head. Holding on to anyone in your path, not realising that you had parted the water, leading the people towards the fighter stations near Bashenga's hut.

Your heart pounding against your chest had been the only thing you heard as you ascended into the air. Your vision had again turned white however you felt your entire body move as if you were fighting. Energy surging through your skin as you lost contact with your body, seeing the familiar hues of blue and purple in the sky outside of your childhood home near the river.

in the ancestral realm

Opening your eyes, you heard a voice behind you as if it was coming from the tv.

"We've gotten reports from the third world country of Wakanda that their sovereign ruler, Que-"

"Y/n!" Another voice cheered happily, you noticed the shake in their voice as you felt their presence coming closer and closer to you.

Looking behind you, you saw your older sister, Wami, beaming at you with tears streaming down her face. She had grown taller since the last time you had seen her, granted it had been years.

"Wami?" You barely whispered as you started at her in shock. Your entire family had unfortunately left you all alone as they were blipped, leaving you to find refuge in your second home in the palace along with Queen Ramonda who had lost two of her own children in the blip.

When everyone had returned after 5 excruciatingly long years, you welcomed Shuri with your whole being, seeing how she grew taller. After being with T'Challa and Shuri and being tempted to tell them everything that happened in the past 5 years, you ran to find your family.

After searching through Wakanda for hours on end, you found Wami sitting with an elder, consoling her and telling her that she will find her family. The reunion was bittersweet, knowing that it was just you and your sister and that the rest of your family was not coming back.

Months after, on one peaceful morning, Wami didn't wake up. Frantically trying to revive her then ultimately deciding to take her to the hospital where it was announced that she was with the ancestors. The royal family had gotten the news and had buried her using royal traditions. They brought you into their home, making you feel as apart of them even though you spent majority of your time there.

Wami had tried visiting you through your dreams but you would always reject them, believing that none of it was real, eventually blaming Bast for everything.

"Hi, mntanasekhaya." She weakly smiled, rushing forward to give you a big hug. You immediately crumbled, sobbing into your older sister's arms. As your sobs became more quiet, you had grown confused. After Wami's death, you were quick to accept that she was gone. Even visits from her became frequent and you allowed her back into your life whilst thanking Bast and restoring your faith to Bast.

"Sisi omdala. Why are you crying? If anything, being at home should be your happy place." You looked up at her, seeing tears gloss over her eyes once again. She looked away from you to sniffle and look out the window.

"This always happens when we get new people. You know me, the family crybaby." She grabbed a tissue from the living room table and wiped her tears.

"New people? The ones attacked because of the water?" You questioned. She nodded. "Along with the q-" Wami's sentence was cut short as you heard a loud shriek from behind you.

Opening your eyes, you saw you were being lifted from underneath your arm, both your feet floating above the ground. You lifted your head and saw you were going towards the palace entrance with Nakia, Okoye and Shuri running ahead of you.

You gained your strength back and put your feet back on the ground and started running, following the three women. You felt the breeze hit you as you ran, feeling your dress stick on you and your braids slowly becoming loose from their ponytail.

With the throne room door already open from the impact of the water from inside, you all rushed in, the scene before you causing your heart to drop. The throne room had so much water and the floor to ceiling windows were cracked open with you seeing a man with winged ankles floating, holding a staff.

Queen Ramonda and Riri were laying on the glass floor, being revived by both Nakia and Okoye. You felt yourself being pulled back and held into the arms of a Dora. You saw Shuri being held back by Aneka and M'baku, crying her eyes out and screaming for her mother.

You too were crying, resisting the urge to let go of the screams surpressed within your chest. You noticed the man still floating and he pointed to Shuri, who could barely contain her cries, breaking your heart more and more.

"Bury your dead. Mourn your loss. You are Queen now." He shouted. He declared that either Wakanda becomes allies with his nation or that he will wash Wakanda off the face of the earth.

His words became reality as Riri had coughed up the large amount of water from her lungs but Queen Ramonda remained still. Seeing Nakia's tears stream down her face, "Usishiyile." She muttered.

You managed to get out of the Dora's hold and ran towards the windows to chase after the man. Nakia yelled after you but there you were, flying towards him, trying to land a punch but he caught your wrist. He held it tightly, most likely causing bruises to form.

"Treat your new Queen well. She will need it." He smirked, letting go of your wrist, expecting you to fall to your death but only to be surprised by you facing him.

"You will pay for everything you have caused. How dare you." Your voice had cracked as you said your second sentence, it finally sunk in that he killed Queen Ramonda.

You turned away from him and flew back into the palace, immediately going to be next to Shuri as she held you tightly, sobs violently coursing through her body as she could barely look over to her mother's body.

.°୭̥

With power surging through your hands and into the open field, you sighed out, feeling exhausted. A'awante chuckled at your exhaustion, uncrossing her arms and clapped her hands painfully slow.

"Congratulations, you've burnt the scarecrow of its stick. It took you how many tries?" She mocked, looking over at you as she appeared next to you in a flash.

"A'awante, we've been out here for hours. I promised Shuri that I would be back before sunset." You sighed out, holding your hands to your hips as you tilted your head back to face the sky.

You wouldn't necessarily call A'awante Bast's avatar but that is essentially what she was. During one of your many visits to the Ancestral realm, Bast had wanted an avatar to help you understand and figure out your powers to which she introduced you to A'awante, who is essentially the voice of Bast towards you.

"I guess I have been working you a little too hard. I would like to believe that you're very much ready for anything that might come Wakanda's way. Until next time. Goodbye Bahati." She said, waving and disappearing right before your eyes.

Everything you had learnt these past few days would be beneficial to the war that Namor had wanted. Your powers are quite powerful and versatile in a sense. You could manipulate anything using your powers. Your ability to fly had been improved and your strength would only be enhanced whilst using your powers. Temperature control and mind control were two of your favourites however you knew you couldn't take advantage of these powers.

Oh and your suit. You could summon two different suits using a special ring that appeared on your finger during your first training session. It's uniqueness stood out with its charm that made it look like a simple gold band to others.

Using your teleportation power to transport yourself to Shuri's lab, you closed your eyes then opened them once again to see that you were in the lab with Shuri in front of a large dna molecule model, with it eventually turning green all over.

"Griot, what's the confidence rate?" Shuri asked with a shake to her voice. "98.7%,Princess. Would you like me to print it?" Griot responded, causing Shuri to look at the module with pride without really displaying it on her face.

"Molo sana. Shuri." Nakia's voice broke the silence in the lab and Shuri turned her head to look at Nakia then you, who was standing right behind her.

"I thought you would be back in Haiti by now," Shuri said to Nakia. "And Y/n, you're early. I thought you said sunset." She directed her response to you.

"What is Griot printing?" You asked, going down the steps to stand next to Shuri.

"Y/n, it may be the recreation of the heart shaped herb." Nakia answered as she walked to stand next to Shuri as well. "It would be the greatest..gift to Wakanda since Bashenga's discovery and now Y/n's new found identity." She said, sighing with relief and a big smile painting her face.

"Griot, print it." Shuri instructed and held her hand out to you. "Come." She simply said, walking towards the 4D printer. Nakia walked next to Shuri and held her other hand for support.

"How do you know if it will work?" Nakia asked, as the printer began to run. "If it glows." Shuri replied and seconds after, the herb glows, causing you and Nakia to celebrate while Shuri looked shocked.

"You did it!"

Shuri had called you to her room as she was getting ready to present herself to the elders. You left Riri in the lab as she was working on the last adjustments on her suit.

You found Shuri pacing up and down the room, her curls were braided back and her suit clung to her body as she clenched and unclenched her hands. Her mood shifted as she came out of the trance of being in the ancestral realm, not wanting to share anything about who she saw whilst she was there. Her anger clearly shown as she punched a mannequin into the lab wall, gaining a reaction from you, Nakia and Riri.

"Shuri?" You quietly said, closing the door behind you and standing by the door, watching her slow down and eventually face you.

"I want him dead." Shuri started, shocking you. This wasn't the Shuri you knew. This one had revenge written all over her, eyes filled with hurt and rage. Dead? That would never be Shuri's first thought.

"Shuri, I'm not so sure that-"

"And you're going to help me. I refuse to let the man who killed my mother to live." She said, returning back to her pacing. You hesitantly walked towards her, stopping in front of her.

"I am more than willing to help you, Shuri but please think of this before we go out there." You pleaded and she stopped to stare at you. Her eyes staring into yours so intensely.

"Y/n, do you remember how you reacted when I had been kidnapped?" She asked, in such a demanding tone. Seeing where this was going, you immediately responded. "Yes but listen-"

"Had you or had you not said that you would kill whoever were to kill me?" She asked once again. You looked away from her face to avoid answering.

"I did." You muttered. "Speak up." She commanded and you looked at your best friend with such shock. "I had said that but I need you to get of this headspace, Shuri." You warned.

You could physically see your best friend become dangerous. The anger had consumed her fully and you knew that getting your Shuri back would be long after this war.

"This headspace is what is going to keep Wakanda safe, Y/n. I've suffered too long and it's time for me to get my lick back." She smirked after saying the last four words that you taught her.

It was as if she was in your mind and convinced you to go along with her plan. "So will you help me bring Namor's head back, sthandwa sam?" She wickedly smiled at you and it sent shivers throughout your entire body.

Shaking yourself out of her words, you began. "Shuri, no. You know that this is not the answer. Stop-"

"What are you afraid of?" She asked, slightly bending her tall body to match your eye contact level.

Keeping the eye contact, you remained silent. "If you are going to stop me, y/n, it won't work." Shuri stated.

Holding your hand out for her to hold, she placed her covered hand in yours. "Let's go show the fish man who the Black Panther is." You said, making Shuri smirk and lean in to peck your lips.

"Lead the way, sthandwa."

Looking over your beautiful nation through the windows of the throne room, Shuri stood behind you, holding your waist tightly.

"Are you fine, sthandwa?" She asked you as she peppered soft kisses along your neckline.

"I'm okay, just thinking of my powers during the fight." You replied. Thinking back to it, you and Shuri were against Namor. Your powers nearly burnt the Demi god to a crisp whilst Shuri held his wings in her hand.

Quickly healing her stab wound, you flew her into the sky as the fighter jet blew up into flames. Signaling that you go back to the ship to help the others, you fly over and use your gravity manipulation power to lift up the Talokanil crawling onto the ship and blast them into the ocean, similar to what Riri did to Namora.

"Do you still have the wings?" You asked, turning around and pecking her lips once. She nodded while smiling. "They're framed and sitting on the lab tables in the Great Mound lab." She said and her Kimoyo beads began to vibrate against your skin as she still held onto your waist.

"Have to look over the city, my love. Will you join me?" She held out her hands to you and you graciously accepted them.

"Of course I will." You smiled and hugged her, thanking Bast for bringing Shuri into your life throughout all the hardships thrown to you.

not proof read! I just went off on this one lol

#shuri x reader #black panther #shuri #shuri imagine #shuri udaku #lift me up #princess shuri #black panther wakanda forever #saintwrites #wlw #revenge arc #Spotify

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artaxerxesthegreat · 1 year

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Secrets and Trust

A/N: This is my first ‘song fic’, and boy was it a rollercoaster of emotions. Not sure why I wrote this, and I’ll probably delete it later, but for now I’ll share it with the masses. Please note, this is kind of sad and horribly written.

Warnings: MDNI, 18+ only, reader is the middle sibling of T'Challa and Shuri, Song fic [Lift me up], not alpha/beta read, angst, a lot of angst, sadness, so much sadness, in universe death, BPWF spoilers, non-gender specific, one curse word, mild gaslighting (?), alludes to drowning, implied smut, T’Challa might be OOC, K’uk’ulkan might be OOC, family hurt, slice of life (?), enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers. Again(?), I used the original script for some parts

A/N2: If I missed anything, just let me know. I usually write WOC fics, so this is my first non-gendered fic, I hope I did alright.

A/N3: All rights to Ryan Coogler and everyone that helped him make this wonderful movie. Song credit to Rihanna and co.

K'uk'ulkan/Namor x POC!Sibling!Reader

“No matter what happens, I will always be with you.”

That’s what my brother said— that’s what he’s said since the day I was born. A promise he has kept, no matter what.

Lift me up

Hold me down

“Come, jump in! I will catch you, I promise!”

His smile— bright, shining, radiant, warm… full of mischievousness.

“You are lying, T’Challa!” I shout back, a smile ever present on my face.

“Aye, what are you talking about? I would never, scout's honor.” He salutes me, standing up straight, but I just shake my head.

“You have never been a boy scout, T’Challa!”

The river we were swimming in was full of joy and laughter.

My heart never felt so full.

Keep me close

Safe and sound

“It’s okay, it’s alright.” My brother holds me closely as the realization of our Baba’s death finally takes its toll on me. I was so strong for so long, fighting the pain I felt— being the emotional rock for our baby sister, but seeing his sarcophagus being taken from us to the Hall of the Kings, sent me over the edge.

I cried for days.

Burning in a hopeless dream

Hold me when you go to sleep

Keep me in the warmth of your love

When you depart, keep me safe

Safe and sound

“Are you alright?” T’Challa’s soft voice breaks the silence that I’ve been trying to hide in. When I don’t answer him, he turns me over to look at him. Tears, still running down my face, tell him all he needs to know. Wrapping me in a tight hug, he lets me cry until I can’t cry anymore.

It feels like hours go by before I finally speak.

“Is it really true?” My voice is hoarse, tears dried on my face.

“… It is.” His voice is as soft as ever.

“And you are sure there is no cure?”

He doesn’t answer right away, only sighs, staring up at the ceiling as we lay side-by-side. That’s all I need to know, I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes again.

But I fight them, clearing my throat, I ask the question that tips the scales.

“And you want me to keep it a secret?”

Now he looks at me, sadness in his eyes, regret in his body language.

“It is wrong for me to put such a burden on you, but mother and Shuri are not ready for this. They will never rest to fight this illness, and I will not live the rest of my days in a bed. I am the Black Panther— and I will be the Black Panther until I cannot. My duty is to my country, my people, and my family. One little illness— curable or not— will not change that fact.”

My lip quivers, as a tear rolls by, wiping it away fiercely I ask, “How… how long?”

“About a year.”

The tears all but gushed out my eyes as I hugged him tightly, all the jokes we’ve made about him losing weight, being the skinniest Black Panther to have ever lived. Even about M’Baku using him as a toothpick after he is done eating his vegetables, all came rushing back as the news of his illness hits me twice over.

“I am so sorry, my brother.”

“What for?” He pulls back with a confused smile.

“All the insensitive jokes we’ve made. They were wrong, uncalled-for, and I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His smile— as bright as the sun, as calm as the sea.

“… We only have a year?”

“Yes.”

Nodding my head, I look at him with conviction, “Then let’s make the most of it.”

Lift me up

Hold me down

Keep me close

“You should be resting!” I hiss at him, but he just smiles, leading me to a small house.

“There will be plenty of time for that, but first you must meet someone— someone important to me.” Again with that warm smile, I simply smile back as we walk into this unknown house, “What does a man have to do around here to be welcomed?”

“T’Challa, what are you—” I start to chide my brother, when the sound of running feet and a child’s voice interrupt me.

“Baba!”

A small boy runs into my brother’s arms, hugging him tightly. Shocked, I simply stare at the two, and when they look at me… it’s the same smile, the same eyes, the same warmth.

“Oh… T’Challa.”

Safe and sound

…“You said, ‘no matter what happens, you’ll always be with me’… but I can’t feel you anymore, brother. Your warmth is gone, your family is lost without you, your mother and baby sister are full of regret and guilt because of your secret. Your smile is gone, your soul is gone, and I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to go on, when you never told me what to do when you are gone?! How am I supposed to be strong?! That was you, I, I can’t do this on my own… I need help, T’Challa. Please, bring me a sign— a sign that tells me you are here with me, guiding and helping me. I beg you, brother, do not abandon me.”…

The cool night air hits me, making me shiver as my small fire has died down. I made my way to a secluded part of the river tribe, trying to understand why my brother did things the way he did; from keeping his illness a secret, to his son.

I know why, but… why?

Why have me keep all these secrets, why put that much faith and trust in me? Why leave me so soon? Why couldn’t we have more time?! Why was he taken from us?!

“WHY?!” My scream travels across the water, my knees give out as I sob on the shore.

Then there’s a sound.

Fluttering.

Bird wings…

“…what…” Looking up, I see the bird—well, it's not a bird. It’s a man… a man with wings on his ankles, “What…?”

I should be worried, I should be terrified, I should be calling for the Dora Milaje, but I don’t. I stare at this man, this otherworldly being, with confusion and wonder. Who is he? Where did he come from? — He’s wet, did he swim here? Is he a fish? —A fish with wings? Are there others like him? Is he alone? Why are his clothes so ancient looking?

Then he laughs.

Realization sets in, I’ve said all this out loud.

Embarrassment takes hold of me, I cast my eyes to the sand beneath me, “I am sorry, stranger.”

“You are not at fault, Querido.” (Dear one) His voice is a calm baritone, his eyes as dark as onyx, his smile… as radiant as the sun.

Awestruck, I simply stare up at his man. His smile widens, and I have to look away, remembering myself.

“I’m sorry.” Bashful, I cover my face.

“Again, you did nothing wrong.”

A sense of peace fills my spirit, one I haven’t felt in a long time; all thanks to this stranger, I finally feel safe.

Drowning in an endless sea

Take some time and stay with me

Keep me in the strength of your arms

Keep me safe

“Really?! Threats! That’s how you introduce yourself to my mother, are you crazy?!” My voice echoes off of the cave walls. I know full well that Attuma and Namora are standing right outside his hut, but I couldn't care less, “My mother, my sister– hell, even the council are losing their minds on what to do about you!”

He had been silent the whole time I was ranting— a good 5 minutes— but at the mention of the council, his eyes burn.

“My instructions were simple.” His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it that angers me further, “This proves that Wakanda cannot be trusted.”

“Trust?!” My anger spills over, “How can you speak of trust when YOU threatened MY family, and my country?! How can you sit here, in your hidden little hut, painting your little pictures, living in your perfect little world when you barely give my family time to process the existence of a whole civilization living underwater?! You speak of trust, but show none— you haven’t given us a reason to trust you?!”

Not missing a bit, he replies, “Have I not trusted you? Did I not bring you here, to my people, my kingdom, my home— treated you with the utmost respect, deserving of a god, sheltered you when you needed an escape from your ‘home’? Tell me, In yakunaj.” (My love)

I see red, “This coming from the man who still has not told me his name.”

“I have told you—”

“—No,” I hold up my finger, stopping any more words from falling from his lips, “No, you told me what your people call you, what your enemies call, but never have you told me what your friends call you— what your mother called you.”

My voice grows soft towards the end, but where I’ve calmed down, he’s picked up; a blind man can see the anger in his face. I’ve stepped too far over the line, and the caves are quiet, too quiet. No one says anything, no one breathes too loudly. As time stretches on, it dawns on me that I was never meant to know his name.

Casting my eyes to the ground, I nod in understanding, walking to the hut opening. Looking over my shoulder, I hold my head up high, fighting tears.

“I’m sorry.”

This time, he didn’t forgive me, this time he didn’t stop me.

This time he didn’t save me.

Safe and sound

… Sirens, singing, floods, screams, pain, panic, death— all of it surrounds me, all of it chases me.

There is no escaping it.

No Black Panther.

No warriors.

No winged god to take me away.

Just fear, snaking round my throat, closing tightly around me until I can’t breathe.

Right when I think I’m going to pass out from the shock of it all, he shows up.

Still as breathtaking as the day I met him— still as deadly.

And his eyes.

Vengeance, revenge and… regret…?

My mother stands tall, Riri is scared, I… I don’t know what to feel.

… Water, screams, broken glass, cold water, no air… it’s too much

And yet.

Not enough…

… Opening my eyes, I cough, spitting out copious amounts of water. It burns so much, my eyes are stinging, my ears are ringing. I hear Shuri screaming, but I’m too dazed to process it; until my vision clears, landing on our mother.

“You did this!”

“It could have been different.”

“Bury your dead, mourn your losses. In one week’s time, I will return with my entire army.”

…

“Where are you, T’Challa?”

…

Lift me up

Hold me down

Keep me safe

Safe and sound

“Wakanda only needs one Black Panther, and you made it, Shuri.” My sister looks at me shocked, “If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have this, you take it.”

“But… but how can I be… You are next in line.”

“And as the next in line, I am telling you to take the herb, take up the mantle of the Black Panther, protect our people because I cannot.” Fighting tears, I push the herb in her hands closer to her, “There is too much— too much you do not know, and I cannot with good conscience take this herb. Please, sister, do not make me take it.”

Shuri can see how difficult this is for me, and nods, assuring me that she will do her best.

“That is all I ask for, my dear sister.”

Burning in a hopeless dream

Hold me when you go to sleep

Keep me safe

We need light, we need love

The sound of the battlefield was all I could hear; that and the pumping of my blood in my ears. I’ve always known the Talokanil were skilled fighters, but never did I think I’d be fighting against them. Many I’ve clashed my blade with were friends of mine, but in war, there are none.

We are enemies… oh how I wish it were different. This is not how it should be.

Then my sister’s Sunbird comes by, her helmet is off, her stance is strong.

And next to her… is him.

“Talokan, retírar a! Volvamos tin wotoch. K ba'ate'lo' waye' ts'o'ok u beetik.” (Talokan, stand down! Let us return home. Our fight here is done.)

A feeling of relief washes over me, I look at my sister as she salutes us, “WAKANDA FOREVER!”

“WAKANDA FOREVER!!” We echo back victorious. Our enemies— no, our new allies make their way back home, and I’m left feeling empty. Their king is the last to leave, our eyes never meeting, words never exchanged. My sister knows something is wrong, even when we get back home.

Then I tell her.

I tell her everything.

From T’Challa’s secrets, to my affair with the underwater king.

She leaves… angry, confused, sad, and feeling very much alone.

I thought it best that I leave Wakanda for a bit, but where would I go? My life is here, and yet… it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Nakia offered me a room in her house in Haiti, but I couldn’t go there, not while my sister is clearing her head there.

So I begin walking along the riverbank, I watch the sunset, feeling a rush of emotions— good and bad.

…“Brother…” My eyes are closed as I feel a breeze blow by, “Thank you. Thank you for your protection, your love, and for keeping your word… I was too focused on my anger and pain to realize that you were here the whole time. You have guided me, challenged me, and made me strong— stronger than I could ever imagine, and for that I thank you.”

Sitting down in the sand, I dig my toes in it, drawing nonsensical patterns, “My days seemed so grim and dark without you here, but I finally am starting to feel the sun again. It’s light, finally making these bones warm again… I do hope you forgive me for telling Shuri everything, she was less than pleased, and rightfully so. I wish you could have met… him, though. If you were here, there may not have been a war to begin with… I miss you, T’Challa, and I miss him.”

Bringing my knees to my chest, I cry.

I’ve been doing so much of that lately, it’s annoying, it makes me angry— it makes me feel weak.

And yet I cannot stop.

I’ve heard that crying is supposed to be therapeutic, that it makes you feel better afterward, but I only feel sad and foolish.

Only my brother wiping away my tears, telling me everything is going to be alright made me feel better, but he isn’t here anymore.

So I cry more.

“I-I know… I have to move on, I have to let you go but—” The warmth of the sun is gone, and back is the darkness that has had a hold on me creeps in, “I need help, I need strength… and forgiveness.”

…

“You have done nothing that requires forgiveness, Ch'ujuk.” (Sweet one)

My head snaps up at the voice, the voice I’ve heard more times than I should have. The voice that made me cry with laughter, and cry with anger and hate.

He sits next to me, staring out at the water; his clothes are that of a poor man, bandage on his foot from where my sister clipped him.

“My, how the mighty have fallen…” I couldn't help myself, and he doesn’t say anything. Just glances at me, giving me a weak laugh, “… I’m—”

“I swear, if you apologize one more time, I—” Now he turns to me, annoyance in his features as I snap back, because I want him to finish his sentence.

“—You’ll what, fishman?”

A challenge is what I’ve presented him with, one he’s faced many times before, all ending the same way.

Me beneath him, in the best of ways… but that was before.

Now we stare at each other, debating on what to do next. Do we give in? Do we act as if that war from a few weeks ago never happened? The words that were said… the actions, and consequences of those actions.

No.

It won’t ever be the same.

And it will only get harder.

“… I should have listened to you.” His voice and words catch me off guard, “There was a better way to make myself known to your people and your family. It never should have gotten that far, and I…”

I watch him closely, waiting to hear the words, so I can tell him to fuck off and dry out on a beach somewhere, but as the seconds tick on it gets suffocating.

Tears are in his eyes, “I am sorry, U Majestad (Your majesty). I was scared, rash, and reckless. I should have consulted you— shown you trust…”

lift me up in your arms

“It doesn’t matter now, does it… Namor?”

The pain etched on his face at the use of that name riddles me with guilt. But he deserves it, and he knows it.

(Hold me down) I need love, I need love, I need love

Lifting an arm out to me, he watches me with bated breath, hoping I’ll accept his side hug.

And against my better judgment, I do.

(Keep me close) hold me, hold me

Warmth, safety, sunshine— sunrise and sunset.

(Safe and sound) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me

More tears. More crying.

But this time… comfort.

(Lift me up) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me

“You can hate me for all eternity. I deserve that, and more— but please… do not call me that name.”

I nod, trying not to sob uncontrollably, “What should I—”

I’m silenced with a kiss, a soft one that turns mournful and needy rather quickly. He kisses the air out of my lungs, and I have to push him back to take a much-needed breath.

A sound of discontent leaves him, but he kisses the tip of my nose, resting his forehead against mine.

“Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

(Hold me down) hold me, hold me

“What?” I say breathlessly.

“My name.” He runs his thumb across my cheek, “Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

I place my hand over his, pull my head back, staring at him, completely beside myself. After a year of being with him, telling him my heart's desires, my hopes and dreams, never did I think I’d hear him tell me his name.

His name.

Smiling, tears run down my face again as I hug and kiss him.

“I like it…”

His smile is bashful, warm and inviting. Leaning in to kiss him again, I whisper.

(Keep me safe) we need light, we need love

“Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

-----

The end (Horrible, I know)

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