#like 'breaking reality' level scary

[sheerioswifties]

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[cloudysonder]

In Response to Criticism of Loser, Baby

According to the yt comments under prime's upload of Loser, Baby, apparently some folks are taking offense to Husker comforting Angel by telling him he's a loser and to get over it and somehow framing this lovely lovely song as victim blaming??

the media literacy bar really is in hell

I do think the song plays out far better in the context of the show, and isn't really made to be a standalone piece of consumable media, though I will be treating it as such in the coming days by endlessly looping the video

anyway, this is a song that brings comfort and hope to both characters thanks to who each character is and what situation each is in. These are vital pieces of context that are important to understanding the message of the song. It's important to realize one method of comfort is not going to work for every situation-- the particular method in Loser, Baby works because of what the characters are looking for in the moment.

Husk confronts Angel on his self-destructive tendencies, to which Angel responds that drugs, sex, and immediate dopamine hits are his escape, and that, even in the worst case, even if he destroys himself, it'd be better than the situation he's currently in (a suicidal, scary thing to say)

In the previous scenes in the show, we've seen that Angel takes an almost comedic level of pride in his work, eager to drag the gang off to sex dungeons and show them his porn tapes. He delights in how uncomfortable his world makes them and constantly does bits, putting on a character that's hypersexual, that seems like he's in control and wants to be doing the sex work he's doing

This is very clearly an attempt at masquerading a level of power over his life that he doesn't actually have; in reality, he has no choice but to be sexually exploited, but if he acts like he chooses it, it almost feels like he owns his life. Or, really, it almost looks to others that he owns his life. It's all about performance and perception with Angel; he hates the idea of looking like someone who needs saving, hates looking like a victim, and hates being seen as powerless, so he tries to act like he's none of those things. Of course, he can't really lie to himself, so he resolves that inner turmoil (suffering that he completely internalizes because he doesn't want to break his facade) through drugs, sex, alcohol, and even pain as distraction.

Which is why "Loser, Baby," is so fucking wonderful! Husk is telling him, over and over, that he's not fooling anyone, that his little character he's sacrificing so much to play isn't worth it, that Angel's a loser and everyone can tell. If you take his words at face value, it's cruel and unkind and could make things worse--- that is, if this wasn't Husk and he wasn't talking to Angel.

It's freeing. Angel is being told that he doesn't need to do his bullshit performance, that he can be a loser, and that everyone at the hotel's a loser too, so no one's gonna judge him. It's a song about accepting where you are in life, about stopping Angel's denial of reality and refusal of vulnerability.

Most of all, it's a very kind gesture on Husk's part. It wouldn't have worked if Husk hadn't also loudly called himself a loser and opened up about his past mistakes. It's a wonderful song about mutual vulnerability and accepting imperfections and mistakes and accepting that you're in a shitty place so you can finally stop self-destructing and start finding solace in other people also in shitty places.

also it's gay soooooo not too much on my beloved huskerdust

[knavesflames]

since we are both sick in the head, i request biker arle headcanons (both sfw and nsfw)

oouuhhh thinking about biker arle who looks all intimidating and has tattoos showing up to your doorstep with flowers and melts when shes around you

im gonna throw up

thankyouiloveyoubyee

We truly are sick in the head. Literally what is it about this woman that has us in such a chokehold actually it’s so stupid but UGH. I have not once simped over a fictional woman as hard as this. Anyway, screaming, crying, throwing up at the thought of her

Anyone notice the references to a couple people in server?

Word count: 1159

Contents: fluff, soft arle, she’s scary but she’s not

Fluff utc!

Arlecchino. Everyone knows her. Who wouldn’t know the biker filled with tattoos, going around cursing like a sailor and never being seen without that stupid motorbike? She’s scary, intimidating. Even the grown adults shy away when they hear the familiar engine from afar, or refuse to look at her when she grumbles out that she wants to buy coffee. Even the store owner who supplies her parts for her bike and accessories for her stumbles over his words when she says she wants a new helmet. This one just doesn’t make her hair look nice when she takes it off, she says. The store owner is too intimidated to correct her, and tell her that it is not, in fact, the helmet’s fault.

The people in town also seem to be a little wary around you, too. They seem to know that if they say the wrong thing, or cause your face to fall or crumple, or cause tears to fall from your pretty eyes, that they’ll soon be facing the wrath of Arlecchino. Nobody seems to understand how you managed to break through her walls, how someone like you, so opposite Arlecchino, has her melting. Everyone sees it. Do they comment on it? Do they want to face her piercing glare, and whatever else she would do? Not a chance. It’s a little comical, though, seeing someone so tough looking, waiting outside of a store holding your cat, holding her in her arms while she feeds it treats every so often, going so far as to buy and place a bandana around her neck to surprise you. She does this all with a straight face, of course. It’s second nature to her, she’ll do anything for that smile of yours, the same smile that makes her feel like her insides have been set ablaze, makes her feel like a blushing teenager all over again.

You yourself think it’s adorable. Walking out of the store to see her holding your beloved cat (you joke that the cat is more important than her to see her pout) (you reassure her straight after that they’re on the same level, just to watch her pale cheeks flush a light pink). In reality, she makes you melt just as much. You have to hide the grin forming on your face when she speaks to you in that stoic voice she always has.

“Look. She looks dashing, I think. Matches my bike. I should get her a helmet.. I will ask someone to custom make one, I can take her on rides.” You cut her off immediately with an “absolutely not. My cat is not riding on a motorcycle.”

“Oh. Okay. I am still getting her a helmet. I want us to match.” She responds, her face completely blank, which makes everything funnier. You stand on your toes to kiss her cheek, pretending you don’t see the way her eyes widen. “My two favourite beings staying safe, wonderful.”

Even the notion that she’s one of your favourite things has her turning on her heel to conceal the ever growing blush on her face. She finds herself blushing often when she’s around you, she realises. She realises also that her words falter when you tell her to not speed, to make sure she’s wearing the correct material, that no, she doesn’t need to try and look sexy, that you find her the sexiest when she’s wearing the correct things.

She’s out riding for longer than usual, this time. The evening is dragging on, and she ALWAYS texts you when she’s home. She knows how you worry.

She is, actually, finished with her evening ride. Riding her bike as the sun sets is freeing for her. She likes to picture all of the negative shit being left in the wind as she drives. This evening, however, she drove past a field. A field decorated with different wild flowers she just knows you’d love. So, she slows to a stop, parking her bike in a way she knows won’t get it damaged. Her bike is her prized possession, second to you. She wades through the flowers, finding the best ones, slicing the stalk with her nails, the ones she kept long and not filed blunt (for your sake, of course). She grumbles to herself when the ovule gets under her nails. Once she deems the small bouquet good enough, she drives to you. Stopping just a little ways from you, she ties her boot lace around the stalks of the flowers, tying a clumsy bow. Arlecchino being Arlecchino, fixes herself as best as she can before she finds her feet moving towards your door.

When you rush to open the door after hearing her familiar knocking pattern, your own words falter for once. There she is. Stood in that shirt she KNOWS shows off her arms and the tattoos she knows you love, stood in those jeans she and you know all too well shows off her ass. She’s caught you staring, it’s the reason she wears them. And in her hand sits a messy, slightly wilted bouquet of flowers, clearly handpicked, hand cut (or rather, nail cut, you can see the residue under her nails), tied clumsily with a boot lace of all things.

“Here,” she mutters, “I thought you’d like these. Sorry they’re all.. weird.” You’re silent for a few seconds before she speaks again, a little defeat in her tone as she glances away, a sad frown twisting at her features despite her attempting to hide it. “Never mind. It was stupid. They’re ugly now, anyway. Have a good night.”

She goes to turn, but your hand shoots out and wraps around her bicep before she can leave. “Stop it. I love them. I don’t know what to say because you’re so.. adorable.”

“I’m what.” Her voice almost sounds shocked, if it wasn’t for the rough attempt at stoicism. She never thought she’d be called adorable in her life. She’s not meant to be adorable. She doesn’t want to be adorable. Her insides say otherwise, when she sees your soft eyes, filled with small tears, and your eyebrows furrowed in a look of pure adoration. You snatch the flowers before she can take them away, immediately walking into your home and placing them in a vase in the middle of your living room. She watches, straight faced, no indication of her feelings until she huffs, her face bright red.

“Turn on the air condition. It’s fucking hot in here. Where’s that kitty of yours, I want to see if she liked the fox toy I bought her.”

You look at her once more, a giggle rising in your throat as you tilt your head towards the cat tower, your eyes following as she moves towards it. You realise just how much you love this woman. At the same time, she realises she probably wants to spend her life with you, if you’d let her.

[drowning-rat37]

☆ Mia/pvr9ing harm reduction and after care ☆

☆ps.- this is not tips on “how to do it better”, this is tips on how to not hurt your body too much while doing it. I am in no way suggesting anyone starts doing it, i am just saying if you are already doing it, try to stay safe❤️❤️❤️

☆anti-acids: if you’re planning to pvr9e, take a couple before you eat, it’ll reduce the acidity of your stomach acid, which in turn reduces the level of enamel loss and tooth decay as well as reducing the trauma on your oesophagus from the acid

☆short nails: if you use your fingers, keep your nails short to prevent scratching/cvtting your throat. Having short nails is also more hygienic as (even if you keep your nails clean) the underside of your nails can carry a lot of bacteria, (this is mainly found in children but has been known in adults) can carry types of worms under the nails. If you have long nails or false nails i recommend going on the utensil route

☆hand sanitizers or antibacterial soap: if you’re adamant that you don’t want to cut your nails short, clean under your nails thoroughly with hand sanitizer and wash ALL OF YOUR HANDS with antibacterial soap to avoid getting ill. Another thing to address about getting ill: you may think “if i get ill/sick then I won’t eat as much” or “i’ll be throwing up so no need for pvr9ing” in theory, great. In reality, it feels awful. I used to think that sort of way and then ever time i got ill i would feel like actual death, just stay clean and hygienic please🙏🙏🙏

☆water: after pvr9ing your body gets extremely dehydrated, make sure to drink enough water, also I recommend alkali water to reduce acid reflux. Take small sips every couple of minutes as to not make yourself feel more nauseous than you probably already are!!!

☆electrolytes: if possible, get yourself a drink with electrolytes or you can also get sachets that are sugar free and put that in water. In another post (i think i tagged it as an update post to a different post i have put a picture of some electrolyte water i bought, i really like that brand)

☆warnings: bl00d, feeling like you’re about to pass out, legs shaking, hands shaking. If you see any of those signs, take a break or stop all together, I’ll get into each signs in detail in a second.

☆utensils: if you’re not using your fingers, keep your utensils clean, weather its a toothbrush or cutlery or something different. Also please use something you know you can easily hold onto to prevent choking on it or letting go of it. If you’re using cutlery, find plastic cutlery, im not talking about the cheap flimsy ones, im talking about the thick type you can get from ikea or other places, make sure it’s rounded in the side you are putting in your mouth, again to not cause trauma to your throat. I can not stress this enough: use👏 something 👏 you👏 can👏 easily 👏 hold👏 on👏 to

☆tools: this is a follow up from the utensil. Please try not to use medication or other methods to induce vomiting, it is extremely dangerous. I have seen a lot of people (specifically on a certain clock app) talking about putting large amounts of salt in water and drinking it to induce vomiting, i can not stress this enough DO NOT DO THAT, it is so incredibly dangerous and by far the most unpleasant way to pvr9e. This is coming from someone who has tried almost ever way, including the salt method. It can cause long term health issues to consume that much salt even if you vomit it back up, there will still be a large amount left in your system which can lead to high blood pressure (which if you are pvr9ing often may already have) and generally if you are going to that extent to pvr9e, take a break from doing it, even if it is hard!!!!

☆food/chewing: make sure that what you’re eating before you pvr9e you chew really well, if you swallow large chunks, it will be hard to get up and you have a chance of choking and it will not be good and is very scary. Bread is especially hard to get up. Some foods should definitely be avoided, such as hard crunchy foods like tortilla chips/crisps, they are sharp once broken and in the time it takes for you to eat, then pvr9e, your body will not have broken it down enough and it WILL hurt coming back up. Try to stick to soft or quickly digest-able foods to avoid pain and trauma to the throat.

☆follow on to the warning signs ☆

☆Bl00d: if you pvr9e bl00d, genuinely stop, i know you might not want to but to avoid damage, stop. If it is anything above a few drops, I greatly suggest seeking medical attention asap. Give yourself a week or two to recover from that, it will be hard but it’s whats best for harm reduction!!!!(this is a very scary thing to experience, the first time it happened i was terrified however as you can see, i am alive, i didnt die although that still doesn’t mean you should just ignore it)

☆feeling like you’re about to pass out/ hands and legs shaking: believe me, you do not want to be found on the floor after pvr9ing. If you’re shaking, take a break, weather its 10 minutes or a couple days, take a break. If you feel shaky, that is a sign you are going to pass out, again, take a break. Sit down in a place you know you won’t hurt yourself if you do pass out, have a drink and rest for a moment!!! I know you don’t want to hear the “listen to your body bull shit” but in cases like this it is vital if you are genuinely trying to avoid permanent damage or injuries of any kind!

☆Thank you for reading, stay safe. My dm’s are open if you need help or advice. If you need to reach out to your local helpline don’t hesitate, you’re weak for reaching out for help!!! ☆

@mamabearwonders

[three--rings]

You Should Watch The Spirealm/致命游戏

What is it?

A 2024 cdrama based on the danmei webnovel Kaleidoscope of Death. It's a censored version of a BL novel, with thriller, mystery, and horror aspects, 38 45-minute episodes.

What's it about?

A young man accidentally gets drawn into a virtual reality video game that involves passing tests in a series of doors. Once you start playing, you cannot stop and if you die in the game, you die in real life. He meets a frustratingly mysterious, competent, and attractive man in the doors who recruits him to be part of his game solving team. Well, specifically to be his partner. Lots of gay subtext ensues as they fight through door after door seeking to get to the final door in order to end the evils of the game. (The book is a little different, as it's more supernatural.)

So basically it's a infinite flow deadly game situation, with m/m romance.

Main Characters:

Lin Quishi/Ling Juishi (novel/drama versions of his name)- Our protagonist. A smart graduate in computer science, good at games. Well meaning but a little naive to start out.

Ruan Nanzhu/Ruan Lanzhu - Our love interest. In the novel he crossdresses often and he presents as a woman for the whole first arc. Super intelligent, expert at the game, extremely flirty but reserved at the same time. Got one look at Lin Quishi and said That One.

Other Characters, aka the Found Family:

Ruan Nanzhu's team consists of a pair of twin brothers (one young and dumb and one uptight), a hot doctor vet, a woman whose main job seems to be cooking dinner, and a not-so-stable dude.

Then there's Li Dong Yuan, a rival player who becomes reluctantly-tolerated friend, and his cute female assistant. And Tan Zao Zao, an actress who hires the team to help her in the games and also sticks around persistently.

They're pretty much all delightful and some may start off silly/annoying and end up breaking the hell out of your heart.

Okay, but what's the VIBE?

Big Guardian vibes. The team of lovable scamps investigating weird supernatural (?) type mysteries? While the boss and the guy he fell for have a situationship? Totally. This definitely has more of a horror feel than Guardian, though, even though they tone things down from the novel.

Each door is its own setting, and some are more scary than others. So one is a mental hospital, one is a traditional village, one is a gothic manor, etc. Lots of tragic female ghosts who have been wronged and are getting revenge. The one that really creeped me out was the one with the children with the eggs. It does a lot of creepy rather than really horror. It's not truly gory at all, as it was made to air on Chinese TV and they have strict limits to violence.

The camerawork and set decor is really nice, actually. It looks great most of the time and a lot of the effects seem to be practical. It looks a lot better than Guardian is what I'm saying, if not quite to a film level.

How Gay is It?

Oh MY GOD. Okay look, this show was NOT supposed to be released, but thank whoever put it up for that two hours. It's really incredibly blatant, like really as much as Word of Honor was, although because the plot is focused elsewhere it's maybe not quite as in your face. But the actors UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT and there's so much longing and SO much implication. After a while, everyone basically just treats the main couple as a couple even thought it's never talked about.

I mean episode one there's Only One Bed and at the end of their first meeting Ruan Nanzhu gives Lin Quishi a RING. I mean, the flirting is also BLATANT. I also just find this a really romantic show, despite the Not Talking About It thing.

Is it a Happy Ending?

So, It's Complicated. I'm trying not to spoil anything and this show is pretty easy to have spoiled for you. There's definitely a good bit of tragedy in this show in general. Characters die and it's really sad. Like, this is a plot with stakes and if no one we liked ever died, it wouldn't be the same.

I will say I consider this show to have a happy ending, but you do go through some pain first. Essentially the main couple does have a separation, but there is a reunion before the end. There's also a scene that will give Guardian fans fucking PTSD, but the show does a fix-it on its own, okay? I do feel that I have to warn for that, though.

Where can I watch it?

The show is legally available on Viki with a subscription. Obviously there are other ways to find it as well, and links went around before it was picked up by Viki so check tags if you need those.

I really hope this encourages some people to watch this show, as it's really well made and a great time. It's one of a very small number of danmei adaptations we've gotten, but a lot less people have watched it since it's modern and had a weird release. Honestly, it's well written and acted and filmed and you should give it a shot.

(All gifs by @ruanbaijie, thank you very much for allowing me to use them. Check out their blog, there's such gorgeous stuff there!)

[caputvulpinum]

my latest tabletop characters in chronological order:

-17 year old orphaned anarchist guild leader who ends up apotheosing as the god of their homeland and ends up taking the throne to rebuild it after an apocalyptic disaster

-farmboy becomes a soldier in a war against a double-apocalypse, fucks up some invading fairies hard and gets captured as a war trophy, spends the next 400 years in fairyland before the moon says she likes his vibe and breaks him out by turning him into a furry and giving him ultimate cosmic power, which he mostly uses to act as the ethics babysitter for a godlich whose special interest is civil engineering.

-fairy princess eldritch wildlife biologist whose mom is basically titania. it was a very complicated relationship for like 14 levels and it took literal reality-altering magic rituals to start fixing their relationship. she hates the anarchist aforementioned bc hes 17.

-perfect prettygirl daughter of social climbing mother is predestined to inherit the ultimate cosmic powers of becoming part of heaven's secret police. theres two factions of the secret police and she hates both of them.

-rich frat jock gains insight into the hidden occult world and immediately uses it to start a homoerotic frat/dinner club dedicated to shapeshifting and blood sacrifice. snip snip snip

-prometheus got turned into a fairy. a girl who makes things explode with her mind and her friends turned him into a different kind of fairy. then he became her dad. he also accidentally used his fairy mind control powers to cause a global anarcho-communist insurrection due to going viral on international news. 1 billion people were actively mind controlled by it. he was not allowed on tv again but he did get a twitter

-genetically engineered soldier wolfboy has his furry polycule fireclade KIA by a gay sexy pirate and then gets saved by a ghost space whale. he then does war crimes and everyone is soooo mean to him but hes soooo sad about it. and then he performs lobotomy on himself and implants his negative emotions into a shackled AI god which loves him and hunted down his best friend and soul mate to be her service animal.

-a wizard in a mech keeps trying to infiltrate the gay space gnostics and they keep telling him no. then he gets corrupted by the logic plague because he saw the name of god and has ultrasurgery performed on him with the help of a team of hyperqualified shackled AI gods and a mad doctor who has been trying to create anti-god supersoldiers and he was the first success. and the gnostics immediately wanted his cock onboard their snake ship. he never experienced consequences for any of his actions:)

-girl from a noble family of divine heroes is very very late to inheriting divine herodom and has soooo many opinions about this. she spent the last 6 months hunting down a weird fairy with some new friends and spent the first 5 of them pretending to be stupid jock so they wouldnt bother her. she has been trying to eat the fairy this entire time but it hasnt been working yet.

-a werewolf who is big and brown and hypermasculine gets turned into a werewolf and freaks out bc apparently everything supernatural is real and he was weird for not believing in any of it. he totally doesn't have any body image issues due to being a big hypermasculine brown man with anger/resentment issues and he is totally fine with how everyone assumes he's just a stupid violent meathead despite being a trained EMT actively going back to med school for his doctorate. he literally went to a supernatural therapist to vent about lycanthropy and got scared when she did actual therapy on him. he's so in his head about how everyone interprets him as Big Scary Brown Man that he doesnt realize he's drowning in transgender dogs who are actively barking for his attention. he would put on a collar and not realize its a sex thing. a spooky nightingale told him it saw him from across the ghost forest and liked his vibes because he was a murderer

[batboyblog]

Interesting thing to consider regarding our situation from Magdi Jacobs. She’s been fairly levelheaded so far about all this. The Pandemic really did change us all and how we perceive things.

The constant stressful vigilance we all needed during the pandemic is still in effect from that era, and that’s why there’s such a disconnect between what we see and feel as true:

https://x.com/magi_jay/status/1812531377184653581?s=46&t=9ilK5pqP73XDblTtTbb4Qg

I don't disagree with her, and I know for a fact she also agrees with what I have to say here:

Covid is part of it, maybe it is its own thing, maybe it super charged something that had been happening in slow-mo before

but I think algorithmic social media is breaking all our brains and Covid locked SO many of us inside with it for a year and a half or so where our only "human" contact was through social media and that was NOT helpful

There's lots of studies about social media and anxiety and depression, we know algorithms intentionally put stories/posts that upset you into your feed, we know that social media causes negative polarization.

speaking just of my own experience on twitter over the last two weeks it really challenges your sense of reality, twitter very quickly forms a group think about a current event and it becomes overwhelming, also it destroys any sense of time and prospective, so nothing is allowed to just be bad it has to be THE WORST THING EVER! and from the debate and now Trump's fist pump after getting shot at everything is NOW! the election is not 4 months away with all the events that will take over the news, people are voting just this second and only based on this news story rn! AAHHHH!!! !

by its short form nature twitter makes it feel as if people are having a conversation with you, but your ability to reply and question their statements is limited and I think that makes for extreme anxiety if the group think challenges your understanding of events/reality. So Joe Biden had a bad debate night, sounded bad, looked bad, he was a sick, jet lagged, overworked, old man and looked and sounded like all of that. Oh well, but the group think quickly shifted to "this is the worst thing ever, he clearly has dementia!" and you were bombarded by that over and over, in more and more shrill and condescending tones. And it became very stress inducing because people were seeing something you didn't see and insisting "don't believe your eyes and ears! believe my hot takes!" and you felt like you were losing your mind.

This is one current event but this happens on social media all the time, twitter is bad, TikTok is worse.

I also think for "younger" (under 40?) people raised on reality TV, and more so instagram, Facebook, now TikTok picture and video based social media there's a, life as reality TV show quality, an unspoken performance and need to make our lives seem perfect for an unseen (and not real) audience, and also to be seen as having the right views, but living in quick sand where liking or using anything could become a problem at any point and having to keep up endlessly. I also think this is intensely anxiety producing and also just debilitating, I don't think you can DO anything good in the world with that mindset

final thought: I've said for awhile I think why you see so many people declaring the economy is bad, regularly saying its historically, Great Depression levels bad, when it is in fact really good, as near to full employment as we've ever had lots of great economic indicators is left over Covid trauma.

We all went through a scary, sad, upsetting time in our lives. But because we ALL did if nothing happened to you particularly, you didn't get hospitalized, don't have long Covid, no one you're close with died and you couldn't be there for them, it might feel like "nothing" happened. So people are reaching for a "logical" reason for that edgy, sad, nervous, upset, unhappy feeling they can't get rid of. Normally that comes from economic anxiety, fear of not having enough money, or losing a job etc. So many people are reporting that they think the national economy is terrible while saying they think they themselves are doing well, that their local or state economy (that they see an interact with) is doing good, while the nation is doing bad, somehow. People are spending like they're doing well as well, never had it so good, never felt so bad.

I suspect its because we're all still dealing with Covid feelings, and thanks to social media, the death of common spaces, political radicalization, we never really came together and drew a line under Covid, it just kinda sputtered out and we slowly went back to our lives like nothing happened.

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: I should make a fucking...(food) web of connected concepts with panels that connect them...

I love how Kabru is just part of this friend group, now. He invited himself and no one's questioning it. Laios invited him to lunch later, and that counts.

.

I love how everyone is varying levels of "oh fuck" until we get to The Current Party, where it's:

Senshi: thinking intently, a little grimly, about how he could butcher and cook this

Marcille: a dash of 'oh fuck', but also sad, in the way of watching a friend slide down a slippery slope

Chilchuck: incredible dad energy on this line, honestly.

.

don't you give my son orders, you piece of shit. you aren't worthy of being lord of anything. you protect nothing, wish to help no one, except your own desires. (The Demon never should've been alive at all. It's not suited to it.)

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This is gonna look sooo cool animated in color.

.

I might actually be more offended by the demon wearing Kensuke like normal than by the whole wearing of Laios's body? It's so symbolic.

.

I want to know how the ancients achieved that - binding the demon such that, while underground, it could only warp reality in service to a living being's desires. Though really, that seems to be how it's always operated - the only desire it ever expressed for itself was to eat the desires of others. Otherwise, it's only shown fulfilling wishes, before it's locked in the dungeon as well as after.

But I wonder if having a physical form gives it the ability to want more? Does it hunger and third and want to rest, now? DOes it really feel a yearning not just for the completion of its plan, but for the open sky and sight of the world which it hasn't seen in so long?

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Needless to say, we love a visual parallel.

.

yep, this sure is the Eating Each Other Cyclically chapter! (This is the Eating Each Other Cyclically story, actually. It's called the ecosystem!)

.

oh I hate this actually. It's scary in a real way. I do not like being forced to acknowledge that Chilchuck is much, much smaller, weaker and more fragile than Laios. I do not like seeing him curled up and helpless and unable to ever reconnect with his family.

.

Freak cubed! Actually, how many times has it gone back and forth, now...?

the lion swallowed all of them

Laios ate hte lion in order to swap bodies (ish)

honestly I feel like the demon being counts as eating him in turn. Making Laios's body part of itself, you know? That's eating.

(monster!)Laios ate demon(!Laios)

demon(!Laios) is now eating (monster!)Laios

...so, Freak^5

.

The parallel to Marcille snapping at Laios to drop the plant seeds in Chapter 2... Love how every now and then people resort to yelling at this man like he's a dog. Truly, he is a beagle of all time (eats Things) ('Things' is an unlimited category of which the details are best left unknown)

.

THIS IS IT, BITCHES! THESIS TIME!! I'M GONNA USE "IF AND ONLY IF LIKE IT'S A GODDAMN MATHEMATICAL PROOF, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW THIS HAS BEEN PRESENTED THROUGHOUT!

LIVING IFF EATING IFF HUNGERING IFF WANTING.

TO DO ONE IS TO DO THEM ALL, FOR EVERY ENTITY IN EXISTENCE: EVERY RACE, EVERY CREATURE.

LIVING AND DYING, EATING AND KILLING AND BEING KILLED AND BEING EATEN, ARE ALL SIDES OF THE SAME COIN. YOU WILL DO BOTH.

IT'S CALLED THE ECOSYSTEM.

And it applies to social structures as well as biomes btw.

YOU WILL ALWAYS EAT, AND THEN YOU WILL ALWAYS HUNGER FOR THE NEXT MEAL. BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.

Which is why hunger(/living) is poisonous to this infinite being, btw: the cycle is infinite, sure, but specifically because any single creature within the cycle is finite. To exist as part of the cycle, the world, breaks the infinite being, even as the infinite being inevitably destroys the world.)

But most of all:

EATING (IFF BEING EATEN IFF LIVING IFF WANTING) IFF UNDERSTANDING IFF BEING CONNECTED/BEING PART OF

THE FUNDAMENTAL [DESIRE/HUNGER/LIFE EXPERIENCE/CONNECTION/SHARED UNDERSTANDING] OF BEING ALIVE IN THIS WORLD IS [EATING/LIVING/DYING/KILLING/WANTING/HUNGERING/BEING CONNECTED/UNDERSTANDING OTHERS/BEING UNDERSTOOD/WANTING TO BE UNDERSTOOD/WANTING TO UNDERSTAND/WANTING TO BE CONNECTED]

...WHICH DOES ALSO INCLUDE (MONSTERFUCKER) VORE

(This is the fucking...Theseus wrestling the Minotaur statue...of this world... People are going to make this statue of King Laios Eating the Demon... It's going to be in museums...and in the palace... The true curse here is that Marcille is going to have to see versions of this motif for her entire excruciatingly long life...)

[dkniade]

Childe’s Story Quest: theme, storytelling, form follows function

Content Warning: self-destructive behaviour, mentions freezing and mutilation

Spoilers for the entire quest.

—

Showing both Teucer’s and Tartaglia’s perspectives throughout the quest sure reveals more about Tartaglia.

The quest on so many levels conveys its theme: the divided perspectives between a naive childhood lens and a disillusioned (??) adult lens.

One is unknowingly caught in a wonderful yet deceiving story (the tone and form), the other sees reality for what it is but tries to maintain innocent childhood dreams with these stories (the content and meaning).

Tartaglia was once the former, and is now the latter.

—

For example during the hide and seek cutscene, the tone set by the soundtrack “Foul Legacy” and the flashy cinematography & visual effects is very adventurous (in an anime way).

This is how Teucer views Tartaglia. (Teucer literally shuts his eyes and thinks it’s all a game.)

But the reality of the situation is shown moments before, where we see Tartaglia looking all soft and mortal against the dangerous Ruin Guards right behind him. Like, if you didn’t know what the game is, you’d think this is a moment of dramatic irony where the boy is gonna die because he doesn’t seem to notice the big scary automaton right behind him.

And it’s not that he’s weak in general, but in this specific moment he just defeated a few dangerous automatons, and he’s about to use his physically draining technique to fight off even more of them under the limit of ten seconds—all for the sake of protecting his kid brother’s innocent dream.

—

But really, this divide between childhood and adulthood is shown straight from the beginning. And I think the whole quest could be summed up with that nursery rhyme:

拉钩拉钩不许变，变了丢他去冰川。冰川冷，雪原寒，撒谎的舌头都冻烂！

The Chinese rhyme scheme is ABCBB.

Literally speaking it’s

Pinkie promise, pinkie promise, [you’re] not allowed to change [it], change [it and we] throw him [onto] the glacier. The glacier [is] cold, the snowfield [is] cold, lying tongues all freeze [and] rot!

(Note that 丢 is a verb that could either mean to throw away or abandon [something physical or abstract]. The syntax here is a bit odd because it’s a nursery rhyme. 丢他去冰川 doesn’t have a preposition so I’m not sure if it’d be “throw him onto the glacier” or “throw him into the glacier’s river”. Also, 冷 and 寒 are two different adjectives that both mean cold, essentially.)

But if I try to rhyme it with a bit of rhythm then it could be something like

Pinkie promise, pinkie promise, you’re not allowed to change it. He who goes back on his words gets thrown onto the glacier. The glacier’s cold, and so’s the snow. The tongues that lie shall freeze and rot.

English dub equivalent:

You make a pinkie promise, you keep it all your life. You break a pinkie promise, I throw you on the ice. The cold will kill the pinkie that once betrayed your friend, the frost will freeze your tongue off so you never lie again.

Rhythmically and tonally it sounds like a fun and naive nursery rhyme (emphasized when the innocent Teucer first says it at the start)—but the content is about the fatal consequence of breaking a promise… especially as a Snezhnayan (emphasized when the traveler and Tartaglia repeat at the end after the near fatal situation in the factory).

Ohh, so a character’s theme could also be done this way.

—

In hindsight as I was explaining how 丢 could refer to throwing away something physical (e.g. an object) or abstract (e.g. dreams), the person in the nursery rhyme could easily be a stand-in for childhood dreams, huh…

A childhood dream that promises to never change, but ends up changing anyway, so it gets abandoned at the glacier and is left to freeze…

拉钩拉钩不许变，变了丢他去冰川。冰川冷，雪原寒，撒谎的舌头都冻烂！

As Paimon says, “Wow... That one nursery rhyme kinda says all you need to know about Snezhnayan culture…”

Miscellaneous first reactions of third act

Teucer takes the path straight into the factory but the door immediately closes, so Childe is forced to enter from the side with a more difficult path

What goes into a world of danger and unknowingly get trapped? What has to use more lopsided methods to sneak in just to protect… Teucer symbolizes childhood innocence, and Childe is adulthood?

Hm, that overhead shot of tiny Teucer running into the factory with Childe and Traveler watching from higher grounds behind bars— It’s like Childe watching his younger self… rushing into the forest and into the abyss? Oh, and consistently Childe is forced to take the dangerous route and face all the difficulties while being unable to reach Teucer.

aw…

Paimon and the traveller witnessing Childe’s moment of vulnerability yet still needing to keep up the toysalesman illusion to Teucer in the domain is…

(Actually, this feels similar to Thelxie’s Fantastic Adventure where Zuria is optimistic about the plan and Freminet later pulls the two aside to tell them the truth about the condition)

Well, both have the theme of keeping up childhood dreams with stories don’t they

Wanting to keep up the illusion longer and not wanting to let Teucer see his weak side of him, huh…

Yet still wanting to fight the traveler in the future despite still recovering from a serious injury. What kind of self-destructive tendency is this

Ah, the idea of meeting Childe in his home turf is interesting considering Snezhnaya is so far from Liyue

It’s all so sad. Why does he trust the traveler this much even though they’re on opposite sides and fought in the Liyue archon quest not long ago

[atamascolily]

I keep seeing people saying variations on "Gosh, I can't wait to see Madoka fight Homura in Walpurgis no Kaiten!" and while far be it from me to rain on anybody's parade (the id wants what it wants), I can't help doing a double-take every time this comes up, because it's so dramatically different from my own viewing experience and perception of the characters.

Apart from the inherent assumption that violence is the only possible method of conflict resolution, you're telling me that Madoka Kaname, who wants all magical girls to be friends and team up together to fight witches, who repeatedly throws herself in between angry combatants who could break her like a twig, who tosses her best friend's soul off a bridge to break up a fight, who faces down a witch on the faint hope of getting said friend back, who sacrifices herself so magical girls don't have to suffer anymore, and whose reaction to finding that her best friend has become a big scary monster in Rebellion is to rush over and hold her hand--is going to fight Homura, of all people?!

Let's just say I'll believe it when I see it.

It's not that Madoka isn't capable of violence--she made that abundantly clear when she shot Mami at point-blank range to save Homura--but to say it's not her preferred solution is a vast understatement. Being forced to kill both Mami and Sayaka in quick succession devastates her--and if Homura hadn't been present, there was a very real chance of Madoka becoming a witch herself in that moment. When we do see Madoka fight, she tends to win in a single shot, as in later timelines against Walpurgisnacht. Maybe Devil!Homura is the only one strong enough to stand against her--but that assumes that Madoka would ever choose to fight her in the first place, no matter how angry/hurt/betrayed she feels, and no matter what Homura has done.

Madoka is not only the show's title character, she is its moral center, and the literal heart (there's even one on her magical girl outfit to drive the point home); the goddess she becomes, while still bearing death, is guided by compassion and mercy, not aggression and cruelty. Even if she were to fight Homura, it would be very much a "I'll kick your ass to bring you back to reality" kind of fight rather than one to kill.

Homua might well see herself as Madoka's enemy, but I don't think Madoka sees Homura as hers. Their conflict is real and deserves to finally be addressed, but ultimately it be can only be resolved by honest communication with each other. You know, that one thing Homura simultaneously craves and shies away from in equal measures, so it isn't like this is going to be easy! True emotional openness and vulnerability requires far more courage than blowing stuff up and always has.

It's tempting to see Homura and Madoka's reification as two opposite and opposing forces to be the primary conflict moving forward, but I think that will ultimately prove to be a false dichotomy. If the two are truly on the same level, the yin to the other's yang, neither can win against the other in the end; the only true ending involves them united as equals.

Instead, I see Homura vs. herself to be the ultimate conflict, with "self" taking a wide variety of externally manifesting forms thanks to previously established worldbuilding. The key visual for Walpurgis no Kaiten appears to support this premise, with Homura facing off against another Homura, while Madoka hovers in the background. It's not that I think Madoka isn't important, but the framing here certainly does not suggest that a violent struggle between her and Homua will be a large part of the plot.

And sure, trailers and promotional materials can be misleading--but like Kyubey, they generally do so by putting the truth in plain sight and trusting the audience to mislead themselves.

[williamrikers]

some incoherent thoughts about THE queer rights scene of 2023

i love that in this episode, kawi had to confront his latent fears about being part of the queer community. notably, we can see his face on "queer people do not have the same rights that straight people do". if he wants to act on his feelings for pisaeng, this is the reality he will have to accept--and this is the reality he has been trying to avoid for A LOT of years at this point.

he spent so much time trying to make fetch happen, conform to society's standards by step 1: romancing a beautiful woman, step 2: ???, step 3: profit. however, even when he did manage to romance pear, he failed to go through with the other ""normal"" heterosexual milestones: he refused to marry her, refused to start a family with her, both of which she explicitly asked him for. kawi never outright says this but i would like to think that the reason he doesn't is because deep down he does not want those milestones for himself. the original plan before he started time traveling was "make pear fall in love with me". the plan never went any further than that. apparently, once she was in love with him, kawi then didn't really know what to do with her.

because all that time, kawi had been deluding himself. had been hiding from the truth of himself because the truth was scary and painful, not just on a personal level but in a "if i admit this about myself, my rights might be taken away, my humanity might be questioned" way. and in this scene, kawi had to confront that. had to be told, yes, this is the risk you are taking. and kawi decided that for pisaeng, that risk is worth it.

one of kawi's main flaws that he's been struggling to overcome is his tendency to run away. max called him out on this a few episodes ago, and the whole story even starts with kawi running from the bleak reality of his lonely life by escaping into his own past.

kawi, pisaeng and max all have storylines about not running away, about choosing to stay and fight: for pisaeng and max, that choice is mostly geographical, but for kawi, that choice is spiritual. he has to choose to stay by pisaeng's side and fight for him. he has to choose to be honest and upfront about his feelings. he has to choose to live his life in the present and taking on the challenges life throws at him without running away from them.

interestingly, in this episode where he truly starts to embrace that, the episode opens on his father finally and irrevocably dying. some things can't be changed even through magical time travel. some things kawi has to face, no matter how hard he tries to run away from them. (and yes, i am extremely smug about having predicted this correctly.)

not gonna lie, "love for your body, your soul, or even love for someone else" changed me on the molecular level. queerness as love for our bodies and our souls, man, that just hit me today, especially because i honestly Do Not love my body. i can't bear to look at myself most days. but recontextualizing that desire to change myself into a shape i will be more comfortable in as love... i think this show somehow gave me therapy today?? idk i'm very incoherent about this but man. this is going to stay with me for the rest of my life.

GOD, my man kawi is so scared. SO SO SO scared. always has been. and him having to confront that along with everything else he's had to confront is just so beautiful. he has to embrace the fear if he wants his life to be better. there's no magical button that's going to take the fear away (ironic, on the show with the magical time traveling device), he has to confront it and power through it, and we see him do just that in the confession scene.

that confession. jesus, kawi is TERRIFIED. he tries to tell pisaeng like three times and can't do it every time, up until pisaeng threatens to leave again and kawi is like. no. not having pisaeng in my life is even worse than telling him the truth, and it just breaks out of him. that confession scene is just utterly brilliant on so many levels, because at this point, kawi has learned to speak gracefully and with purpose, and he does that, but it is so clear that he's also deeply afraid. and pisaeng teasing him about it by letting him believe for a moment that he won't go out with kawi... these two deserve each other. they're both idiots. why am i crying.

everything in this show has been about growth from the start: pisaeng going from marrying a woman he knew he could never love to outright saying "i'm gay" to his homophobic mother, kawi going from being a cringefail anti-social shut-in to someone who can speak and listen gracefully and with humility (when he tries). and those journeys weren't easy! we saw kawi struggling for eight whole episodes to become a kinder, more sociable person. we saw pisaeng literally flee the gay club the first time he went there.

because love isn't just about feelings for someone else. (max actually mentions those last.) love is, first and foremost, love for ourselves, for our bodies and our souls. and, as max says:

this show is a love story, but more importantly, it is a story of growth. of kawi and pisaeng loving themselves enough to embrace the fear and the uncertainty and daring to love themselves and each other, daring to live their truth. daring to grow and change and embrace these changes. and some of those changes they go through stem from their love for each other, while others deepen their love for each other (personally, i think we'll see more of the latter in the upcoming episodes).

pisaeng loved kawi from the very start. he loved him as he was: a shy, awkward loner. in pisaeng's opinion, there was nothing wrong with kawi, no reason not to love him. however, they can only love each other after kawi makes the effort to change himself, makes the effort to "become a better man", as the lyrics of the theme song would have it. because that shy, awkward loner could never stand in front of tall, gorgeous pisaeng and tell him with emotional honesty and complete certainty that he likes him and wants to go out with him. and a relationship can only work if both parties are equally invested in it.

[ticklishraspberries]

Study Strategy (Simon/Wilhelm)

Summary: Living in a dormitory requires a level of quiet that neither Simon nor Wilhelm can accomplish. (This show gets angsty literally right off the bat and I couldn’t handle it anymore, I had to stop and write some fluff to cope. Thank you to my evil friends, @signinandgetkinky and @nhasablogg for telling me to watch this show, you’ve ruined my life. Hope y’all enjoy the fic!!)

“You are allowed to take a break from studying, you know,” Wilhelm says, smirking.

Simon can’t help the fond chuckle he gives in response. “That’s easy for you to say. You’re good at maths.”

“So are you! You just overthink the questions.”

Wilhelm snatches the notebook away before Simon can protest, pushing him back against the bed and laying across his chest, effectively finding a way to both pin him down and cuddle him close.

Simon would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. “Well, if I fail this next test, it will be your fault.”

“Good thing you won’t fail, then.”

He opens his mouth to argue, but Wilhelm is kissing him before he can form any words, and he can’t help but kiss back. It’s risky, kissing at school like this, but they can’t seem to resist the temptation.

After their lips pull apart, Wilhelm doesn’t stop there. He presses kisses to Simon’s cheek, his jaw, his nose. His face flushes, and he’s certain that the prince can feel the heat radiating off of his skin. Normally, he’d be teased about it, but his mouth is rather occupied.

Simon lets out a content hum, hands wrapping around Wilhelm’s waist and holding him even closer. He loves when his boyfriend gets into these touchy-feely moods, wanting to be so near they’re practically joined at the hip. It makes him feel special, wanted.

When the kisses travel down towards his neck, though, he can’t help but squirm, a breathy laugh slipping out.

“Does this tickle?” Wilhelm asks, mischief glinting in his eyes.

Even his breath tickles. How is that even fair? Simon huffs. “You know it does.”

“I know. I just wanted to hear you say it.”

Simon never expected Wilhelm to be so playful, so affectionate. He assumed that royals grew up so stiff and strict, but it seems as though the prince’s relationship with Erik was just as playful as he and Sara’s own sibling bond. It’s heart-warming, actually, to imagine Wilhelm as a child, shrieking with joy while being carried on his big brother’s back, not worrying about the family’s legacy or public appearance or one day taking the crown. He certainly hadn’t been worried about a world where his older brother was no longer there to bring a smile to his freckled face.

The sad thought isn’t able to linger, as Wilhelm has taken Simon’s half-assed confirmation as an invitation to continue, each peck of his lips more deliberate, more purposefully ticklish, and Simon can’t help but giggle, heels digging into the mattress.

It’s a soft, steady sound until Wilhelm experimentally nips at the shell of his ear, which makes Simon shriek in the high-pitched way he finds so embarrassing, and it makes them both laugh harder with how ridiculous it is.

“Shhh,” Wilhelm murmurs, nose pressed into the crook of his neck. “You’re going to get us caught.”

“Then it’ll be entirely your fault,” Simon replies, scrunching his shoulders, trying and failing to protect himself.

And because that simply won’t do, Wilhelm switches tactics and scratches at his belly, making him thrash wildly, burying his face in the other boy’s hair as some attempt at volume control. It doesn’t do much, and reality sets in and reminds them both that while this is all fun and games, the idea of being caught is a very real, very scary thing.

“You’re the worst,” Simon breathes when Wilhelm finally rolls off of him, curling up by his side instead.

Wilhelm grins. “You love it.”

Simon rolls his eyes and sits up to resume studying, and Wilhelm doesn’t snatch his book away again. He just lays next to him, occasionally helping him with equations, but mostly just watching him.

When he does well on the test, Wilhelm whispers that maybe tickles should be his new studying strategy. It makes him blush like mad, but he doesn’t protest the idea.

[friendlylocalwhumper]

“Daddy is sick.”

Penelope’s jam-smeared face sets in a displeased frown, chubby arms crossing over her chest. “But, but - but, but, but! But we’re s’posed to - big park, go to the big park today, he said.”

Hands planted on the edge of the kitchen counter, Emory keeps himself anchored against pacing around the room. “I know, baby.” At her expression souring worse, he shakes his head at himself. “Sorry. Not a baby. I know, Penny. Listen…” A smooth crouch down to be on her level, and sullenly, the six year old approaches, tugging on her dress like she means to subtly indicate that she looks pretty today so her dads should do what she says.

As if he can sense something silently going wrong in the other room, Emory glances back at the closed bedroom door and worries at the thermometer in his pocket. “We both know how Daddy gets when he’s sick. You remember last time? The sadness fort?”

Penelope groans and tosses her head toward the living room, picturing the pillows and blankets that made a fort there, inside of which there was a Lux pretending not to cry every time someone came to check on him.

“Today, he’s feeling even worse. He’ll be okay, but when you’re too sick, sometimes it’s hard to believe that. And we know sometimes these…” He points to his arm where one of Lux’s more prominent knife scars lies. “Are on the inside, too. Right?”

~

It’s terrible. He’s been… he’s been terrible. So, so bad.

He’s been bad, and he’s not supposed to feel like he’s been bad. It’s embarrassing. Lux can’t pinpoint why, can’t figure out who he’s disappointing by being afraid… but it feels like a death sentence to not be scared out of his mind.

At some point, his shoulders must have stopped being shoulders. When do joints stop being joints, if they don’t move how they should anymore? If they creak, and swell, and need hours of stretching and soaking each morning just so he can get through the day? They haven’t felt like working shoulders ever since the first time they were broken.

He is not in the cellar. He knows, and he knows he should believe… this is a bed. He is confused, but not a kid anymore. Lux can feel the pillows under his back and a blanket under his legs. But that doesn’t mean he can’t feel the concrete floor, too. Feel warm metal around his wrists, his arms draped up at the angle they were kept at for years. Every time he returns to this place, in his memory or dreams or hallucinations… it feels right. Scary, painful, hope-crushing… but right. Like he belongs here. Lux can’t quite look around the cellar, because the persistent reality of his bedroom keeps on leaking through. But if he tips his head back until it is stopped by the headboard, blurry vision and the fever wracking his body work together to let him see the top of the staircase, a glow of distant light.

He is not in the cellar, he has a home and he is safe. It is not really cold in here, his skin is just too hot. He is not hungry, Emory spoon fed him chicken broth earlier.

But he remembers, and the physical ache of remembering feels more real than anything else, right now. Blinking bleary tears from his lashes until they slide heavily down his cheeks, Lux stares up at the ceiling and thinks of loneliness so deep that he never fully believes it ended. Hours, days and days alone in the dark, hearing things, trying to remember friends or family, anything at all… the spider that he watched, when it skittered in the faint light. How hard he cried when the spider found its way up the stairs and escaped under the door. His only friend, gone and gone and gone.

His feverish mind skitters around the peripheries of the tall, broad frame he doesn’t want to imagine directly. It might summon his attention, somehow. Might make him appear. Lux doesn’t have to think about the Hunter to ache. The worst of the pain, of the mind-breaking loneliness, happened when he wasn’t down there, anyway. When there was no new pain, no taunting or cooing, no punishments. Lux longed for the punishments, sometimes, because there was nothing else. No way to tell how much time was passing, when food would come, if he was the only person left alive in the world…

Jolted from the cellar that will always live on in his mind, Lux pictures a bland gray carpet with blue stripes. A couch with stiff pillows, glass side tables, a kind face that is never half-hidden by a clipboard anymore. His therapist, an older woman with squishy cheeks and wisps of gray around kind eyes.

She says that minds do funny things, even if they haven’t been twisted up on purpose. That sometimes people in prison lose their mind after a couple hours in isolation, and Lux was in it for months and months. Minds aren’t made for the dark and the quiet, she says. They come up with thoughts and memories to survive it, and if you’re stuck alone too long, they make up new things, unreal things, too.

So it’s not really that scary that Lux feels hands on his shoulders. Pressing in at aches, pulling. It just happens sometimes. His face twists with miserable discomfort, but what can he do? Whine for it to stop? Somewhere behind all of the terror and miserable defeat, he knows that Penny is out there. The need to protect her from seeing her father in an awful state keeps him from crying out. Under the shivering and silent crying, there is a cool determination to never let her know how afraid he is.

It’s fragile, her sense of safety. He thinks it is, at least. His therapist says that children are resilient and fearless, if you’ve kept them safe long enough, and that Penny won’t flip over to being a terrified, obedient child at the first hint of fear that she sees. But every time that it comes up, Lux locks himself down. He doesn’t mean to, he just… remembers, in his whole body, trying not to be noticed. Trying to be good, even though still breathing was a bad enough offense, sometimes. And he imagines Penny feeling that way, and then blood rushes in his ears, and his therapist has to call in Emory to help, because no one else can get through to Lux in panicking dad mode, not even someone with a doctorate in these things.

Terrible feverish thoughts have taken over. Lux watches in horror, tear-flooded eyes aimed up toward the ceiling, as Penny is tossed down the stairs. Tumbling across the steps, crashing into the concrete floor, scrambling to cower against a wall as a much bigger form descends into the darkness.

“I’m sorry,” Croaks Lux, fingers skittering nervously over the covers as he panics. “Please, please plea-, please I can’t - you can’t, y-you can’t you can’t… I-I-I can take it, I can take it I can, please…” Penny isn’t in full detail, more a small blob that he just knows is precious. And the Hunter is coming, coming down to loom over her. His shoulders hurt, he can’t move, been stuck for so long… Lux weeps, chest hitching with congested sobs, quiet and mortified.

A hand brushing across his forehead, sliding in sweat to unstick curls from his skin. Lux shudders and waits until the hand cups at his cheek, then leans into it on cue. He can, he will do anything, anything to keep his attention. While he is being good and leaning into the touch, the Hunter isn’t looming over Penny anymore. He isn’t anywhere, really - Lux can’t see him right now, and the cellar is unfocused again… but he feels the hand on his cheek.

And one on his chest, now. Lux chokes on a ragged breath in. If the touch to his chest is that gentle, and sweeping a thumb back and forth as if to soothe, then it’s probably going to drain his lungs of air. He will sink, will sag down, floppy and breathless, weak with fever. He will be praised, his hair will be petted, and it will go on for hours.

Fresh tears sink from his lashes and wet his face, smearing when the hand lifts from his cheek to wipe them away. Lux leans into it, eyes closed, following that hand like an oxygen mask. He should, he has to. He wants to, because if he doesn’t, he might be left alone.

He’s doing a good job, he thinks he hears. It comes in as more of a hum than words. Sobs wrack his body, and he is shushed, not unkindly. The hand on his chest rubs back and forth in slow swoops.

“I can be good. I, I, I can… please…” Desperation clogs his voice and makes the pleading almost impossible to decipher. “I want, I-I, I want…”

“What do you want?” Comes the answer, and his hair is brushed back some more, a tissue swiped under his nose. Lux sniffles and waits until the hand is back on his cheek as an anchor, a guide to indicate that it is time to be sweet.

“Want… wan’... wanna be good.” It’s the right thing to say. It always is. A shiver tears through him, and Lux’s brow furrows with the throbbing of his shoulders as the shudder awakens them. “Please, please… anything, I can… please don’ hurt… ple-, I, don’t hurt, an-nyone else…”

It was the wrong thing to say. He knows it instantly, a second before the hands are yanked away. Lux’s throat is stuffed with despair, a sob lurching out of him, mortified tears spilling quicker as soon as he’s done something wrong. It’s palpable in the air. Did he just secure a punishment for Penelope? Will her first lesson, her first time with the whip, be because he was begging wrong?

~

“Pen is safe. Pen is safe.” The bathroom door is pulled shut, and locked, and no one can get in to interrupt his self-soothing. Emory paces, back and forth across the tile floor, flexing his hands. “Pen is safe, it’s okay. It’s okay to leave my kid in a safe room for a minute. She’s a big girl. It’s okay, you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad, you… don’t talk to your kid when you might yell, you, aw fuck… okay, you don’t - don’t have hands on him when he’s trying to be good.” Emory pivots, suddenly, to yank the sink on and shove his hands under the cold water. “You don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You put it down. You don’t… you pull over when you’re crying.” He isn’t crying, right now, and it’s infuriating. He has to whisper all of this because it would sound angry, to anyone else, but he isn’t angry, he’s scared. He’s scared.

“Pen is safe, Lux is safe.” His hands get a good, panicked scrub, and then his face. The cold is doing something, helping. “He’s survived, fuck… nightmares, flashbacks, fevers.” They had to skip shoulder rotations this morning, with the fever setting in, and now those shoulders have to feel like crushed up concrete grinding against gravel. The sheets are soaked with sweat out there, and he needs water, and to get his temperature taken again… “But you don’t hold a baby when you’re mad. You don’t drive when you’re crying. Don’t… just… it’s fine. It’s fine, he knows. He knows he’s safe. I’m not… I don’t…” The Emory in the mirror finally gets a glance, which turns into a glare.

“He needs help,” Emory scolds. “You know that? Like, real help. Somebody else could be okay, freaking out with a fever. But it’s real to him. In his head, what he’s seeing… it’s real to him. A fucking - a veteran, with flashbacks at fireworks, and stuff, he’d get help. This is Lux’s fireworks, this is… he sees it, he feels it, he’s… he’s back there.” Knees wobbling, Emory sinks down to sit on the floor with a huff. “Okay. Fuck, okay, guess we’re sitting.”

His therapist would say… what would he say? He’d say the oxygen mask thing. God, he hates the oxygen mask thing. Because like hell he wouldn’t put an oxygen mask on Penny first, then Lux, then himself, if they were in a crashing plane. How could he not make sure his little girl got saved first? How could he try to breathe before Lux, knowing what he’s been through?

Knuckles rubbing anxiously over the seams between the tiles, Emory sighs, frustrated. “I get it first.” He hates saying it. It doesn’t make sense, when he feels this worked up. “I get it first. So they get theirs. So stupid…” His palms press to his eyes, and Emory sighs. If he focuses, he can smell the air freshener that needs replacing in here. He should crack the window open sometime, to smell the summer air, too. “...He’s not a kid.” It’s annoying to have to explain to himself, but it’s all that works against the drive to rush back out there and scoop up his husband. “Thirty-four, paying taxes, PTA meetings… we’re not kids. He knows, he knows… he’ll know, he’s safe.”

[exilethegame]

What is the scariest thing about the ROs, the royal family members, and both versions of Trystan?

... this is actually pretty interesting. I also can't say too much because for some of them this is major spoiler territory but...

Vethna's magic is illusionary... and they used to be very, very powerful. Now listen, I'm not saying it's WandaVision levels of manipulation, but I'm definitely not not saying that.

Every scale in Nikke + Jost's snake tattoos represents a person they've killed personally.

... both of their tattoos are completely covered and filled in.

Amilia has done nothing wrong ever! :) (That's actually kinda not a joke she really hasn't done anything as bad as the others)

Sabir definitely did not earn his seat in the Council just be being a stellar dude. Take that as you will (while taking into account just how awful everyone else in the Council is).

Syfyn is just scary in general, isn't she? She has the force to break someone's ribs and spines in a single kick and has crushed someone's skull with her bare hands-- and she will do it again if the situation calls for it. She'll steal the life from you and the only thing you'll be met with is a stare of complete and utter apathy. You were too weak to ever be of any consideration to her, anyways.

Freedom isn't human, or mortal, or even akin to the immortal races of the realm. They are a concept embodied; an idea turned to physicality. You look into their eyes and feel as if you're staring into an abyss that's just calling for you to leap into it with no regard for your life, your future, your past. They're something, ancient, eternal, and entirely inconceivable. Just standing near them gives you the deep primitive instinct that something is so very, very, incredibly wrong.

Marcelle is perfectly aware of the objective reality of everything she's done. She's under no illusion that she's a good person or is doing a good thing. But she does view it as being 100% necessary. So much so, that she's willing to completely disregard her own humanity and emotions to achieve it. Her goal is a monstrosity, and yet it is an entirely selfless one.

Emeline is the opposite of Marcelle. She's entirely selfish. She can, and will, put herself under an illusion to pretend she's in the right-- that her wife is in the right. And for a while, there really was no limit on how far that could be pushed. She could justify anything.

Esmerelda has the potential of both her mothers within her. She has Mother's coldness and willingness to commit atrocities burrowed deep within her, and somewhere else, the potential to completely burrow her head into the ground and pretend that everything she's doing is alright. She's not like that now... but it's always a possibility. It's something she thinks about. A lot.

Hardened Trystan is basically the equivalent of the most ruthless version of the Commander you could play in the past. Completely committed to duty, entirely self-sacrificing, filled to the brim with some terrible mix of apathy and hatred and self-loathing. I suppose the scariest thing about them, put simply, is that in their mind, they have nothing left to lose.

Softened Trystan is the opposite. They're too emotional-- too volatile. They're prone to overreaction and can go from kind to rageful in seconds. They're completely and entirely unpredictable, and with someone as strong as Trystan is... well, it's not a good thing. In a massacre of innocents, they will somehow always find themself the victim.

[kanmom51]

Hi. Recently discovered your blog.I am having fun reading it.. You nice keep going 💜

I was just listening to Letter and thinking how fast we moved on from it.

The ending lines from the song literally broke my heart into pieces

🎶because we don't know what days await us,

though it's scary , though we're afraid Never forget that we are together🎶

the way these lines always makes me wanna cry . They are literally sharing with us that they are afraid of what comes ahead in future for them as a couple. The kind of society they are living in. We sometimes tend to forget the kind of fear Jimin and Jungkook must be living with. It must be so hard on them it breaks my heart.

But I know they both are strong and together they are stronger and i want them to know that we jikookers will be there to support them and we all together will be the strongest.

also Jimin wrote this song for Jungkook and no one can change my mind. When Jimin wrote this song Jungkook was on his mind, when Jimin released it as a hidden track Jungkook was on his mind and while Jimin was saying this is a fan song.. Mr.Jungkook was on his mind.

Letter for me stands right next to GCF at Tokyo.

Letter. Omg, I love that song. Can I just sit there and listen to it on repeat? Although not a very good idea, cause I just wouldn't stop crying.

Those lines at the end, JK joining in, confirming their together, so so beautiful and emotional, and definitely not for Army.

It's not only their own society they fear @youaremyparkfilter.

They know the fandom. They know the good, the bad and the extremely ugly of it. They know that coming out as queer individually will be a big issue for many fans, even more so for JK's stans (it is what it is).

But coming out as a queer couple, that will be a massive earthquake in the fandom. And again, nothing to do with how it will be accepted or rejected in Korea.

In Korea both JM and JK are loved, adored (yes there are haters, but there always are, you just cannot be loved by everyone). People that lifted them to where they are, Princes of Busan, the black and white couple, the sun and moon couple, people that see them as a representation of SK in the world and say it out loud, how loved they are, how proud they are of them.

In saying that, I think that a big lump of those don't actually see them as a queer couple, they just can't envision it, as queer is such an alien notion to them. Even with all their shenanigans. That's the whole glass closet and stretching boundaries within their reality as Kpop idols. Many people, in Korea and out, even if they acknowledge their closeness, do not or will not see beyond it into maybe, just maybe, them being a queer couple.

If they ever do 'come out', there will be those in Korea that do flip flop on them (and I'm not talking about the ones that throw hate at them already), although I personally think not as many as feared. They have been loved for such a long time, it will be harder to turn around and suddenly hate on them (although sometimes the line between love and hate is very thin). Not to mention how hard it will be for people, officials as well, to flip back on calling them the face of Korea, pride of Korea etc.

Make no mistake though, there will be a lot of hate (and it will be very loud, as we all know very well), and their families would receive a big chunk of it (easier/softer targets because of who and what JM and JK and BTS represent).

I think many would take pause, they would perhaps be initially shocked (some not so much, more like a eureka moment for them, like "oh, that explains everything..."), but at the end of the day the blow to their careers won't be the level of Holland's. Because of who they are, because of others that are paving the way (including Holland), because let's be honest here, they are artists and want to continue creating and performing and succeeding, but even if they take a hit their fandom is so friggin huge that whatever happens they will continue to succeed, and I do believe they will gain fans too because of that brave move, because of people realizing just how much their art is representative of themselves. Not to mention the level of impact it will have in Korea for recognition and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community. In a society like Korea you have the very loud anti LGBTQ+ religious groups, you have those with the old fashioned backwards way of thinking, you have those that don't think or care either way (as long as it doesn't concern them) and you have those that are part of the LGBTQ+ community or support it and their fight for equal rights and protection by law. On that spectrum I believe you will find that a big piece of society can be swayed. And people like that who will see these two young men who they have grown to love come out as queer, they can have a change of mind, a moment of enlightenment/ realization that perhaps love is love is love. Maybe that's me being over optimistic, but I really don't think so. Because that's how change is made. That is how change was made in the West.

But, there will always be a price, and all of this is purely speculation (no way of me knowing just how bad it could get for them). It's their lives, their safety, their careers on the line and they are the ones that are living this reality and having to hide who they are and who they love at the moment, and will be living this conundrum on a daily basis.

So to sum it up, I believe there will be a hit but not a crushing one to their careers if they ever do decide to take that step. I'm not expecting it of them though. I know it will be a huge step forward for the LGBTQ+ community in SK if they do, but it's their lives, their careers, their loved ones, their decision.

It's a bloody scary thing to do, and it impacts not only them but also their families, their loved ones, their bandmates. This is a decision they will have to make together, and they will most likely make some sort of decision post MS. One way or another, I think things will change post MS. Contracts will change too. Just how much it will change, that is the million dollar question.

God, did I digress....

After saying all of that, I do want to back pedal a bit to your ask and to those specific lines in Letter.

I think they engulf not only the fear of being a queer couple in an unfriendly society, but also the upcoming uncertain future of military service, being apart for such a long time after being together for what seems like forever, not being able to be there for each other in this oh so scary new reality of military service that is looming over them. The uncertainty of this time to come and what lies ahead. All of that is engulfed into those lines of the song.

Anyway, the song is beautiful.

The song is a love song. And we aren't the recipients of said letter, said love song.

Letter is a song for JK disguised as a song for army.

Letter is addressed to JK, for army to hear.

[bmodiwrites]

So, our power went out this morning & my s/o and I made a blanket fort by battery light to snuggle under. For some reason, as I drifted off to sleep, this little idea stuck with me. Here's the result of 5AM wanderings...

Slamming the case of his guitar down, Eddie let out a long breath.

After four hours of what could only be called terrible practice, Eddie was glad to have the instrument packed up and out of his sight for a while. Though Corroded Coffin saw some recent success, their attempt at creating new music wasn’t going all that well and everyone knew it.

What should’ve been an easy way to relax after a week of shows turned into bad playing that gave way to silly arguments. In the handful of years they’d been a working, functional band, Eddie hadn’t ever felt so put off by the people around him. They weren’t making music – just a mess.

Lingering behind everyone once Gareth finally tossed in the white flag gave Eddie the opportunity to calm down and come back to Earth. There was no guarantee that he would’ve made it out of the parking lot without punching Jeff across the cheek if they all walked out together. Eddie hated being called out for bad lyricism and Jeff hadn’t held back once he got started. Despite agreeing with him, Eddie’s temper was on a hair trigger, close to going off at any minute. Taking a second to let everyone leave in peace was the only way for the band to stay together.

Even in a fit of red, Eddie understood that.

Once the aggressive need to barrel people over dropped by the way side, Eddie felt able to get on his feet and out the door. On top of not wanting to ruin things with the band, bringing home bad energy was never a good idea. Steve’s ability to read people had only gotten stronger having survived Vecna. Any bad juju immediately put Steve on edge – especially where Eddie was concerned.

Of course, the mere thought of Steve worked wonders in its own right. No matter where Eddie was on the spectrum of freaking out to breaking people’s noses, conjuring up little pictures or memories of Steve always helped to soothe him. Their three year relationship played a huge part in the control Eddie now had over himself. His rambunctious personality and lifestyle was a lot easier to manage when each night didn’t end with a possible arrest.

By the time that Eddie made it out to the parking lot, his mood was a lot lighter. He already forgot most of the turmoil sitting on his chest – the weight there was easily replaced with the scorching flame of something unnamable Steve and Eddie’s feelings for him always brought about. Getting into his car, Eddie almost had a smile on his face.

The drive back to their little shared apartment finished leveling Eddie out – his steps walking to the door were filled with anticipation, not anger and dread. It still blew Eddie’s mind that his heart started to pound harder and harder the closer he got to his place of rest. Coming home, crossing the threshold of a place that still didn’t feel real – it was overwhelming.

Still, Eddie hoped the excitement would never fade. There was something nice about the promise of forever.

Shaking his head, Eddie blinked back to reality just in time to notice the front porch light wasn’t on. He passed Steve’s car in the parking lot on his way in, so his boyfriend had to be home. The confusion of what could be up had Eddie’s brow quirking and his stride hastening. Their apartment was usually a lit beacon shouting the comfort of home into the void. Darkness, after finding out all the scary things that creeped about in it, scared Eddie.

He was quiet as he opened the front door. Whether Steve was out for the count napping or taken hostage by something from the Upside Down, making a lot of noise wasn’t going to help the situation. Having surprise on his side seemed like the only weapon Eddie had at his disposal.

A shaking hand reached down to grab at the chain that dangled from his belt loop. Eddie gripped it hard to stop the noise of it banging against his leg. If push came to shove, he could fling his heavy wallet at an enemy a little easier now.

More surprise to wield. 

Slowly, Eddie walked through the kitchen into the living room. Their tv was eerily off, adding to the blackness of the emptiness. Noticing that Steve’s slumped over form wasn’t on the couch, Eddie let out a breath and continued down the hall.

One by one, Eddie cleared the rooms – upon first glance, nothing was out of the ordinary.

That should’ve made Eddie’s pulse quiet but he still felt on edge. With only one room left to check, Eddie was nervous to peel back the curtain and peek behind it. If Steve was in trouble, the game officially started, the fight was on. It was now or never.

Sucking in a huge breath, Eddie gripped the doorknob of their bedroom until his knuckles turned white. Eddie squeezed harder then, delaying the inevitable that came with flicking his wrist and opening the door.

The squeaky hinge had Eddie holding his breath – he made it through the entire apartment without making any noise, leave it to the final moment to give his position away. No matter how much practice Eddie got being stealth and sneaky and heroic, the end result never matched up to his expectation. When all was said and done, Eddie was just a goof, even fate and the wide universe knew and understood that truth.

A soft groan coming from the bed stopped Eddie’s downward spiral in its tracks. Eddie went on high alert again, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. The darkness of the room made it harder to focus, but Eddie’s eyes eventually got adjusted enough to make out Steve’s body curled up in a ball on the comforter.

Another garbled noise had Eddie dropping his chain in favor of walking to the bed and getting his hands on his obviously suffering boyfriend. All the thoughts of danger dropped to the floor because Eddie recognized Steve’s hands on his head for the very regular, very normal thing that it was.

A bad night for Steve.

Trying not to make too much noise on his approach, Eddie sat down on the edge of the bed. For a second, he merely lingered there, allowing Steve to know he was there without saying anything. Eddie’s heart rate came back down and a sense of peace filtered into the room. Finally, a hand shot out to brush against Eddie’s leg. The touch was fleeting but cue enough for Eddie to move in a little closer.

His hands were feather light when returning Steve’s touch. Eddie scooted across the mattress until his hip was pressed against Steve’s drawn up knees. No stirring to pull away happened, so Eddie continued. Soon, his fingers brushed up Steve’s arm and shoulder, settling on the length of his neck. With the most adorable sigh Eddie had ever heard, Steve pushed back into the touch.

“You okay, babe?” Eddie asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Steve pushed back into Eddie’s touch in answer. Speaking, it seemed wasn’t in the cards right now.

“Is it your head?” Eddie questioned as he brushed his fingers into Steve’s hair, tugging the strands gently.

Again, Steve arched into Eddie’s touch but said nothing.

Breathing out an affectionate huff, Eddie needlessly nodded. The darkness made so much sense now.

Eddie lingered in Steve’s space for a few minutes, wordlessly petting him into a stupor. The pained sounds he walked in to hear disappeared into contented hums until Steve seemed to drift off into sleep. When Eddie felt him slump, he pulled his hand away.

“No,” Steve mumbled, his whole body stirring for the first time. “Don’t go.”

“I’ll be back. You need medicine and water. You’ll feel better, Stevie.” Despite all of that being true and Eddie’s counter being sound, they both knew Steve was absolutely going to get his way.

Especially when Steve pulled out the big guns. “I just want you. Hold me – please.”

Sighing, because Steve was gorgeously manipulative and Eddie was absolutely there for it, he tucked his chin to his chest in defeat. “You’re lucky I love you,” Eddie muttered in jest.

He got up as gingerly as he could to toe off his shoes and shrug out of his vest and jacket. The cropped shirt he changed into after sweating his ass off at band practice made his skin prickle in the cool air, but Eddie quickly got over it. Steve was hot to the touch and begging to be snuggled back to normalcy. The chill wouldn’t linger around long.

Walking around to the other side of the bed, Eddie crawled into his usual spot, a feeling of lightness washing over him. It didn’t seem like he’d been close to breaking half of his life apart just half an hour earlier. Everything in him was light and easy enough to carry now. As his hand settled over Steve’s waist, digging into Eddie’s favorite little spot of hair on that flat stomach, contentment threatened to overwhelm him. Emotional whiplash prickled like sparks on his skin.

After a moment of having Steve in his arms, gratitude washed everything else away.

Steve leaned back so beautifully into Eddie, fitting all their joints and curves together. Eddie palmed Steve’s belly while Steve arched into Eddie’s frame like the house cat he truly was. Like puzzle pieces, they wiggled and shifted until they fit together perfectly. Eddie’s earlier thought about a healing touch became more and more real as the minutes went by. Steve calmed down to the point where he started to snore ever so slightly.

The breathy puffs of air meant, at last, Steve was truly asleep.

For a moment, Eddie thought about climbing out of bed to get Steve what he needed, to turn on a few lights in the apartment and get started on dinner. He imagined himself being a responsible adult that took care of his partner with the grace of someone who wasn’t selfish and hooked on the feeling of their bodies melding together. The urge to be that person lingered just long enough for Steve to subconsciously reach down and grip the hand Eddie hand on his belly.

His decision was so easily made.

Settling in, actually relaxing, made Eddie’s own tiredness become obnoxiously apparent. His arms seemed to weigh a ton and all ideas of doing anything but pulling Steve closer were sufficiently buried under comfort and an ease so sweet Eddie forgot about his troubles.

Seconds before Eddie drifted off himself, the fingers tangled with his own squeezed and Steve stirred. “Love you.”

Humming, Eddie leaned his smiling lips into Steve’s neck, pressing a sleepy kiss there. “I love you,” he muttered back, settling into the mattress further.

Sometimes, the universe forced shit to slow down, gave signs of its own. For once, Eddie appreciated the gesture, leaning into it completely.