#like 14 yo me was stupid in a lot of ways so trying to impress her isnt the best metric
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going thru my 2014 tumblr which is ~cringy but also like. affirms that 14 y/o me would think im pretty cool
#like 14 yo me was stupid in a lot of ways so trying to impress her isnt the best metric#but i struggled for a few years feeling like i would be a disappointment to young me. bc of college and stuff.#but tbh i dont think young me would have cared!! she would be impressed that ive done drugs and am still friends w ppl she is friends w and#i am soooooooo much more comfortable in myself & my body and also that im banging that tumblrcrush ur gonna have in a few years#:')
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Ouroboros (S2, E8)
The hiatus almost killed me. So glad we have new content <3
As usual, my time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.
SPOILERS AHEAD:
0:04 - That scarf is so extra.
0:26 - OH LOOK THE FIRST SUNSHINE SIGHTING OF SEASON TWO!!! It only took 8 episodes. *insert eyeroll*
0:40 - Ugh. This montage makes me hate Hoxley. He embodies the type of human I abhor: self-important, egotistic, obsessed with appearance.
1:19 - “No I didn’t.” LMAO. Mr. David is so done with Martin’s bullshit.
1:36 - That makeshift shiv in the dude’s arm.....that’s Daryl’s shiv from a few episodes ago right? Am I going crazy?
2:25 - Sooooo Birdie hasn’t left New York? She’s moved into the Milton’s “Murrayville Building”. Huh. Wait. Was Birdie in the house when Malcolm and Ainsley fought? Do you think she heard?!? Birdie might become a problem for the Whitly’s later this season....I hope?
2:43 - Jessica doesn’t know about the contents of the fight. Interesting. How long has it been since the end of 2x7?
2:58 - “I’ll be there at 8.” hahaha OMG. I swear Malcolm was a terror during his ‘rebellious teenager’ phase.
3:38 - Yep. This fog horn reinforces the fact that I believe Hoxley is a dick.
3:40 - Awww.... the way Malcolm jumps/flinches at the fog horn is both hilarious and adorable.
3:58 - “And who the hell are you?” YES GIL. YES. Don’t let him talk like that to Malcolm <3
4:04 - Duuuuude. Gil looks pissed and scared. He does not like Europol snooping around his crimes. ALSO I’m like 95% sure that Gil knows (or at least has a hunch) that Malcolm is somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. I’m pretty sure Gil is scared that this dude is going to try and arrest Malcolm.
4:07 - OMG. JT is adorable. “You’re that guy. The mind sleuth.” Personal headcanon: JT read Hoxley’s book to try and understand Malcolm better.
4:22 - DANI IS MY QUEEN. SHE IS MY ICON. I LOVE HER SO FREAKING MUCH. “No.” This girl is fierce. <3
4:23 - <3 <3 Malcolm’s heart eyes, head tilt, and visible pride is so so so precious. THIS is why he’s attracted to Dani. She’s not afraid to assert herself.
4:31 - “And then took in his son.” ....Okay, so this infuriated me. Nothing Hoxley is saying is untrue. BUT something about the way he’s saying it just gets under my skin.
4:45 - I think Hoxley is pissing me off so much because he’s psychoanalyzing Malcolm in front three of the people Malcolm trusts and loves most in the world (3 out of a very very short list of people). He’s trying to humiliate Malcolm and I hate it. I hate that Dani, JT, and Gil haven’t told Hoxley to shut up. I hate that Hoxley is trying to drive stakes of doubt into the three people whose opinion Malcolm treasures.
5:25 - “Aim a little lower, Whitly.” and and and.....then Hoxley looks to the team as though he wants them to laugh. I’m furious.
5:32 - THANK YOU GIL. STEER THE CONVERSATION AWAY FROM MALCOLM
6:04 - Malcolm is so obvious. There’s no way that the team doesn’t know that he was involved with Endicott’s murder. If they didn’t before this episode - they HAVE to know now. Right? They’re detectives. Malcolm is a terrible liar.
7:00 - Oh. So now Ainsley cares about the crime. Now it’s “how much trouble are we in”. And let’s be real. Ainsley doesn’t even seem very worried or scared. She’s concerned that the crime will get out - she’s not sorry she committed the crime. She’s not sorry that her big brother tried to take the fall for her.
7:15 - “We said no more secrets.” ...when. When did you two say that? Was there a ‘fight part 2 - the tentative truce’ that we didn’t get to see?
7:33 - A mention of Sophie Sanders. Finally. I still hope she comes out of the woodwork and takes the fall for this. I want more closure on her. Did the team ever find out that Malcolm found her? How did the Eddie murder finally get resolved (I’m not satisfied with the “not every case gets solved” line)?
7:42 - Yo. I don’t care about the time constraint of a 45 minute episode. I don’t care that it was required to move the plot along. The fact that Ainsley starts typing frantically into the computer at about 7:42, stops typing at 7:47ish and has found at least 4 different articles relating to murdered random people (who apparently helped hide Endicott’s body?) is SO UNREALISTIC. I just can’t. I can’t suspend my disbelief on this one. The article headlines say nothing about ‘couriers’. It’s stuff like ‘Local fisherman found dead’. HOW THE HELL WOULD AINSLEY KNOW THEY WERE HELPING MALCOLM IN LESS THAN 10 SECONDS OF GOOGLING?!? Nope. I can’t justify this one. Fedak - you dropped the ball.
8:40 - Poor Malcolm looks terrified. :(
9:04 - My first impression of Natalie was that she’s a beautiful young lady who seems really sweet and a little socially awkward. Kudos to the actress.
9:41 - Another mention of Sophie. God - I hope she becomes a twist in this season’s storyline. I’m not content with how her story arc ended.
10:21 - “I didn’t have anything to do with Endicott’s death and neither did Jessica.” Yep. Gil definitely knows (or at least suspects) that Ainsley and Malcolm are somehow involved with Endicott’s murder. It’s killing me that we’re not getting the big “team and/or Gil find out and/or confront Malcolm about it” moment.
10:31 - OMG. Alan Cumming’s eyebrow wag here. hahahahaha
10:35 - Look at how pissed off Gil is as soon as Hoxley suggests that he and Jessica have a romantic history. 1) Gil still has it bad for Jessica (and is hurt that she rejected him again 2) Gil’s a pretty private dude and probably doesn’t like his personal business being speculated upon by a total stranger with ill intent 3) Gil is also getting protective of the Whitly’s. Not just Jessica but Malcolm (and maybe Ainsley) too.
10:58 - Europol agents aren’t allowed to make arrests?!? THEN WTF IS THE POINT OF HOXLEY’S CHARACTER?!? TO DRIVE DOUBT INTO THE MINDS OF THE TEAM WITH REGARDS TO MALCOLM?!? FOR REAL. WHY?! TO FORCE GIL TO ARREST MALCOLM AND AINSLEY?!?!
11:08 - “To watch you put the cuffs on Mr.Endicott’s killer. Deal?” “Deal.” oooooooohhhhhh no. I do not like the foreshadowing here. If Gil has to arrest Ainsley and/or Malcolm.....idek. Part of me wants to watch it for the emotional whump (of all parties - including Jessica). Part of me wants to ugly cry at the thought of it though.
11:39 - “How do you know so much about yachts?” ....THANK YOU JT. DANI HAS A STRANGE AMOUNT OF NAVAL KNOWLEDGE IN THIS EPISODE AND WE ALL KNOW “I watch a lot of Below Deck” IS UTTER HORSE CRAP. Ugh. I want to know more about Dani and JT’s personal lives. So. Badly.
11:44 - <3 <3 <3 The look Malcolm and JT exchange when Dani claims that she watches a lot of Below Deck is absolutely precious. It’s like they’re best friends and/or brothers. They both knew Dani was lying. <3
11:54 - “At least he’s the real deal.” Ouch. I honestly can’t tell if JT is just teasing Malcolm here or if JT genuinely believes this. ....Is this JT’s way to letting Malcolm know that he has suspicions about his involvement with Endicott’s death?
12:06 - “Says the guy who bought his book.” HA. Dani is on fire this episode. The snark queen. Look at how pleased Malcolm is that Dani is defending him. <3 Warms my cold dead heart.
12:09 - annnnndd now JT is definitely teasing Malcolm. “What our boy Bright needs is a moniker.” hahaha watching Dani and JT come up with stupid profiler monikers was so cute. I love it when the team gangs up to (lovingly) tease Malcolm.
12:30 - “No. Nothing yet.” Again - Malcolm is a terrible liar. The team must know that he’s involved with this thing. They’re detectives.
12:59 - Martin’s physical reaction to Malcolm saying, “No. That woman does not deserve to die.” Is HILARIOUS. Martin is so freaking desperate for Malcolm to become a serial killer that he doesn’t even care the Ainsley has already murdered someone.
13:19 - “He has a perfect track record.”.....what? So does that mean he’s solved every case he’s ever worked on? Taken credit for solving every case he’s ever work on? Hand picked the cases he works on so he knows he can solve them? Probably a combination of the above. Sometime about Hoxley reminds me of Gilderoy Lockhart from Harry Potter. You feel me?
13:23 - The fact that Tom Payne (a Brit) is being told that Hoxley has “perfect teeth. For a Brit” by a Welsh man is hilarious.
13:34 - Does this fish packing joint have no security?!? Like Malcolm didn’t have to pick a lock or anything. He just walked right in (and he’s not being quiet).
13:51 - “I can think ruthless. I don’t know if I can be ruthless.” THIS. THIS is Malcolm in a nutshell. Think about Nicky Covington. Malcolm wanted to act ruthless but he couldn’t. He ended up saving Nicky because he couldn’t go through with his ruthless plan. That’s the difference between Malcolm and (quite frankly) the rest of his family. Jessica, Martin, and Ainsley can all be ruthless. All of them. Jessica on a lesser degree but Martin and Ainsley are confidently ruthless. Often.
13:57 - Ok. For real though. HOW HAS NO ONE OVERHEARD THESE PHONE CALLS BETWEEN MARTIN AND MALCOLM. THE PHONES HAVE TO BE TAPPED RIGHT?!? IN A SECURE MENTAL INSTITUTION FOR MURDERERS?!? and I stg that Mr. David knows things. That man is not a moron and he’s pieced stuff together (not from this scene obviously, but still).
14:13. - “Why don’t I break out.” The fact that Malcolm hasn’t mentioned that Martin wants to escape to anyone (since 2x4) is really stressing me out. I know Martin’s going to break out - the promos have made that very obvious but I’m still anxious about it. Mostly I’m worried for the health and safety of Malcolm (and Gil, Jessica, Dani, JT, Edrisa...).
14:17 - “We all go on the run together.” Martin is delusional. He thinks that the whole family will go on the run with him?!?!? He might be able to convince Ainsley. He might be able to blackmail or threaten Malcolm. BUT Jessica? She’s not going willingly. Hell - she might kill him herself if Martin escapes and tries to come near her (which.....I would actually kind of like to see).
14:48 - The fact that Malcolm apologizes to a corps is so precious. Really reinforces the fact that Malcolm is not a killer.
15:00 - Oh look. Another scene for Malcolm’s nightmares. “The time I cut off a dead guy’s thumb to protect my sister”
15:24 - annnndd Malcolm is really close to having a panic attack. Look at that face. :( Someone give this guy a hug. Please.
15:34 - Where the HELL is Edrisa!?!?!?
15:42 - Malcolm, you utter moron. What possessed your stupid ass to show up at a crime scene with a soaking wet arm and draw attention to your arm by shaking it?!?! WHEN THE BODY WAS JUST DRAGGED OUT OF A VAT OF WATER. AND YOU TAMPERED WITH THE BODY?!!? YOU DUMBASS.
15:52 - This is Gil - terrified. He’s scared because 1) he knows Malcolm is lying , 2) he’s concerned for Malcolm’s mental health and 3) he’s starting to think that either a) Malcolm killed this guy, b) Malcolm knows who killed this guy and is obstructing justice, or c) Hoxley is going to pin this on Malcolm and Gil won’t be able to save him.
16:14 - “I’m never buying frozen fish again.” hahaha Dani is killing it this episode. <3
16:23 - Check out how Gil is staring at Malcolm. Gil totally thinks Malcolm has the thumb.
16:50 - “Older model” Shit. Seriously? Are finger print scanners on phones old?!? My phone isn’t that old......I got it 6 years ago?
17:16 - MALCOLM IS A TERRIBLE LIAR. Honestly, the pure terror on his face throughout most of this episode screams “I KNOW SOMETHING ABOUT THE MURDER.” If the team hasn’t pieced this together yet they’re not worthy of being detectives.
17:29 - I’m not going to lie. I had to fast forward through the Martin/Capshaw scenes for the rewatch. I find them so upsetting to watch. I just can’t do it more than once. Their whole dynamic is gross, creepy, and just ugh.
20:00 - Jessica and Hoxley talking about Endicott’s death is so satisfying.
20:35 - “Jessica Whitly. Played for a fool. Yet. Again.” Ok Hoxley. You are not allowed to disrespect my girl Jessica like that.
21:10 - The biggest problem with Jessica and Gil’s “mock interrogations” by Hoxley is that neither of them mention Ainsley or Malcolm. It’s super suspicious. They mention other people by name. People who should be connected to Ainsley and/or Malcolm given the context of the sentence. Hoxley is a moron for not nailing Ainsley and Malcolm for the crime during this episode. It’s so so so obvious.
21:19 - hahahahahahahaha Jessica grabbing the martini out of Hoxley’s hands. hahahahaha I stan.
21:35 - annnnnd Jessica is a terrible liar as well. Seriously - why doesn’t she just say “ENDICOTT WAS KILLED OVER HERE!!”. Another parallel between her and Malcolm though. Malcolm + Jessica can’t lie well. Ainsley + Martin are expert liars.
22:54 - Again. Ainsley is intrigued at the fact that Malcolm has a thumb in his freezer. Much like Martin would be if he knew. Jessica on the other hand shares Malcolm’s fear and disgust about the situation.
23:00- “We”?!!?!? AINSLEY YOU HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING. MALCOLM HAS BEEN COVERING FOR YOUR ASS. YOU JUST HAVEN’T TURNED YOURSELF IN AFTER YOU REMEMBERED. THAT’S YOUR ONLY CONTRIBUTION TO THE “KEEPING ENDICOTT’S MURDER A SECRET” SITUATION.
23:07 - “Do you even see what you are doing to him.” This line both terrified and delighted me. On one hand - I’m grateful that Jessica can see how much emotional pain Malcolm is in because of this situation. One the other hand - Ainsley looks pissed that Jessica is blaming her for Malcolm’s general brokenness. If Ainsley goes full serial killer - Malcolm is going to be on her list. “The brother that overshadowed her.” “The favourite child” “The reason she had to be a perfect daughter” “The reason she was ignored”
23:32 - “Got it.” Damn. Ainsley is bitter. She wants to control this situation. She doesn’t like taking orders from Malcolm.
25:00 - MR.DAVID IS RIGHT THERE. IF HE DOESN’T BLOW THE WHISTLE ON THIS I’M GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED.
25:12 -”The Brain Fart” hahahahaha OMG.
25:53 - “You’re being rude Hoxley.” ......Martin being the nice guy? I’m genuinely disgusted.
26:26 - “Your son Malcolm.” THIS. THIS is why Ainsley is so pissed off. Everyone has always thought Malcolm would turn out like Martin. Ever since they were kids. She’s pissed off that no one considers her to be a threat. They’re all concerned for and scared of Malcolm. Not her. She’s invisible. Why do you think she became a TV reporter? To force people to see her.
26:50 - I’ve never wanted to Martin to kill anyone more than I have in this moment. I do find Martin’s protective love for Malcolm interesting though.
27:37 - How long was that phone in water before Malcolm grabbed it?!? Anyone ever drop a phone in water? I don’t care how much rice you have. It’s toast 90% of the time.
27:44 - Malcolm explaining murder to Sunshine is so cute.
28:22 - And my heart rate has skyrocketed.
29:10 - “To protect your sister.” Huh. I find it interesting that Hoxley has considered that Malcolm may have killed Endicott to protect Ainsley. It suggests that he thinks Endicott was a threat to Ainsley alive. Makes me wonder about what happened to Ainsley before Malcolm got back to the house in 1x20.
29:16 - “You all had something to gain.” Did they though? Martin had something to gain - keeping his cushy Claremont cell. Ainsley had something to gain - “A news story.” Jessica had something to gain - “safety”. But Malcolm? He didn’t personally have anything to gain. He wanted his Mom and sister safe but he never thought about himself.
30:11 - “Perhaps the murder weapon is still among your mother’s silver.” I find it interesting Hoxley has pieced that together. I also find it highly unbelievable but that’s just me.
30:15 - Hoxely, rich people don’t carve their own Christmas roasts. The Whitly’s have staff for that.
30:24 - “You’re still just a scared little boy. Hungry for daddy’s love.” Ouch. It’s true but it still hurts. This is not helping Malcolm’s mental state. At all. Istg if we don’t get a Malcolm mental health crisis soon I’m going to have my own mental health crisis. Seriously. I want to see this boy lose it. I’m a monster. I know. I want ugly crying. I want panic attacks. I want him to go catatonic. I want someone to comfort him.
32:35 - Nat’s a good liar. Very convincing. Too bad Malcolm’s a good profiler.
33:53 - Check out Spider Monkey Malcolm. <3
34:14 - Earlier this episode when Malcolm said he can think ruthless but not be ruthless? This is the proof. He could’ve sat back and let Natalie kill Hoxley. In some ways - it would be good for Malcolm. But Malcolm’s not ruthless. He values human life. He’s an A+ dude. For better or for worse he tries to help people.
34:26 - Really Hoxley? Do you plan on stabbing Malcolm?!? (FYI - this scene is very reminiscent of Lockhart pulling his wand on Harry and Ron in the Chamber of Secrets #justsaying).
34:45 - “I’m going to be killed by a millennial. What a twist.” hahahhahahahahhaa
35:22 - “I’m British.” hahaha I love this scene so much.
37:14 - FINALLY THE PAPA!GIL CONTENT WE”VE BEEN WAITING FOR. (it’s weak but I’ll take it)
37:39 - AHHHH the fact that Gil and Malcolm are both non-verbally communicating that Natalie didn’t kill Endicott is killing me. Does Malcolm think that Gil hates him? Does Gil really think Malcolm killed Endicott? Or just that Malcolm covered it up? I NEED TO KNOW.
37:46 - Concerned!Gil and a hand on Malcolm’s shoulder. <3 <3 <3 My icy heart has melted.
37:54 - annnnnd Hoxley ruins the moment.
39:39 - I’m not content with this ending. It’s all too convenient. Hoxley still thinks Ainsley and Malcolm did it. Mark my words. This isn’t over.
39:53 - Ainsley is so smug here. I want to slap her. She’s elated that she’s getting away with murder. She doesn’t care about how it’s hurting her family.
40:00 - Did they really do the interview inside Jessica’s house?!?! Gross.
40:17- I might be the only one but I love that polo on Malcolm. Something about it is adorable.
40:22 - ......is Ainsley really trying to take credit for “putting this Endicott mess behind us”?!?! Because - she didn’t. OMG. She absolutely didn’t. Even if she did - she’s the reason they’re in the mess to being with!!!!!!! I can’t. I just....can’t.
40:45 - The episode ends right here for me. I know Capshaw and Martin kiss. It makes me want to hurl and I refuse to watch it again. I also know that Capshaw takes the scissors away from Martin. I think their whole dynamic is upsetting and creepy. I’m like 95% sure that Capshaw is a serial killer on the DL. Or at least some sort of psychopath. Martin and Capshaw are both manipulating each other and it’s too stressful to watch.
I didn’t love this episode. It was a bit all over the place. If you stuck around this long - thank you. I’ll see you guys next week. <3
#jess-rewatches-prodigal#malcolm bright#prodigal son#gil arroyo#dani powell#JT Tarmel#ainsley whitly#martin whitly#edrisa tanaka#jessica whitly#I LOVE this show#whump#rewatch#spoliers#malcolm needs a hug#ps#so good#ouroboros#2x8#2x08#s2#e8#alan cummings#simon hoxley
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Water learns by Fire’s side
You know maybe sticking a 14 yo abuse victim in a mental hospital isn't the best. But water is the element of healing. And the two most powerful Water and Fire benders probably have a lot they can learn from each other.
AO3
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Azula felt the rush of water pour down around her. She struggled to turn but the chains on her wrists held her fast. She roared, fury and pain pouring out of her mouth in a rush of fire. Blue flames scorched the ground in front of her, as she fought against the chains. Her roar turned to a scream, turned to sobs, as with a final gout of flame she fell to her back. Her sobs echoed and carried around the courtyard of the Fire Palace, sounding scared and alone even in her own ears. The sobbing filled her head until it was all she could focus on, and the world around her slowly faded to black.
She woke up with a start, straining forward against her restraints, her eyes wide. It had just been a dream. She breathed out, forcing more blue flames out past the grill of the muzzle the doctors kept her in. She was bound to the chair she was sitting in, barely able to do more than turn her head. Her head jerked up as the door to her room opened. Outside she could hear one fo the doctors talking to someone.
“She’s in an unstable mood. Maybe it would be best if you come back another day?”
“I will be fine. Thank you.” A new voice replied. This wasn’t Zuko visiting her. It was someone new, younger, feminine. The water bender girl.
Sure enough, Katara of the Southern Watertribe stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. Azula growled as best she was able past her muzzle, breathing out more flames.
“Come to gloat over my defeat?” Azula snarled at her.
“No I’m not. Do you mind if I sit down?” Katara said.
“I can’t very well stop you now can I?” Azula nodded to the singular other chair in the room. The doctors kept it just out of range of where she could turn her head, so they wouldn’t have to worry about her blowing fire at them. She was surprised when Katara moved the chair so it was in her line of sight. Maybe the water peasant wasn’t smart enough to know to stay out of reach. Azula smirked but decided to bide her time.
Katara sat in the chair pulling some water from the pitcher on the table to her with her water bending. Azula stiffened her eyes growing wider. If she intended to torture her for her crimes she would find Azula a poor subject.
Instead Katara hardly seemed to pay attention to her. She wove the water in the air, then froze it, creating a fine ice lattice. She grabbed the ice lattice out of the air, turning it this way and that, examining it closely, before she allowed the ice to return to water.
Azula watched her carefully, holding herself ready for Katara to form an ice knife or a water whip to use against her. However as more and more time passed Katara stayed focused on her own bending. Azula had to admit she was an incredibly skilled bender, but she was still waiting for the other shoe to drop. She shifted in her chair, clacking her tongue against her muzzle. That brought Katara’s head up.
“Do they ever take that thing off?” Katara asked, glancing down at the muzzle.
“Only when it’s time for me to eat, and at the express order of the Fire Lord.” Azula growled out.
“Has Zuko been visiting you?”
“Almost every day. He doesn’t stay long, when he does though.”
“I think it hurts him to see you like this.”
“Why?” Azula snarled again, throwing herself against her restraints. “Because he wants to see me rotting in the worst cells in the prisons! Because he wants to see me executed for what I did? Why would it hurt him?”
“I don’t think that’s the reason.” Katara said slowly, then frowned. “Will you burn me if I take it off?”
Azula rolled her head to the side, allowing some of her hair to fall in front of her face. “Maybe.”
“Hmm.” Katara looked at her for another moment, then she bent the water in her hand around her wrist and froze it. She had created a pair of rather elegant ice wrist cuffs. She stepped behind Azula’s chair. “They keep this locked?”
“Of course. They learned quickly to take every precaution to keep me restrained.”
Azula stiffened again as she heard the sound of flowing water. She pulled her head as far forward as she could. Now was the time for Katara to kill her, or hurt her. Take her in the back, while she was bound to a chair like a coward. She felt a rush of cold at the back of her neck, and a soft keening sound pulled its way past her lips. She was panting blue flames, desperate to fight, to strike back against what was coming, but there was nothing she could do.
With a soft click the muzzle on her face loosened and Katara pulled it off over her head. Azula stayed frozen for a few seconds, breathing rapidly. It wasn’t until Katara had set the muzzle on a table and retaken her seat that Azula allowed herself to relax minutely. She opened and closed her mouth, rolling her jaw to shake out the discomfort from the extended period of having the muzzle on.
“They gave you the key?” Azula asked, keeping her head down and forward, only looking at Katara through the shield of her bangs.
“No. But I don’t really need one.” She set a small clear key on the table next to the muzzle.
At first Azula thought it might be glass, until she saw that it was glistening. Ice. Already starting to melt in the Fire Nation heat. She had poured water into the key hole, then froze it into ice to create a key and unlock it. Brilliant.
“I learned how to do that from Toph Beifong. After she invented metal bending she carried a small piece of meteoric metal on her at all times so she could bypass locks. This way, I can open the lock and no one would be the wiser.”
Azula narrowed her eyes at that. She had seen the Dai Li do some pretty impressive things with their earthbending. But nothing on a level like this. And being able to create weapons from any nearby metal would be even more impressive.
“Do you think you could cut through the lock with your fire bending?” Katara asked.
“Easily.” Azula scoffed, leaning back in her chair.
“Could you cut through it and not damage any other part of the lock?”
“Even with my hands tied I could.”
“Show me.” Katara leaned back, arching an eyebrow, her arms crossed over her chest.
Azula took a deep breath through her nose, concentrating on the lake of Chi inside her. When she couldn’t hold any more air in her lungs, she breathed out forcefully, keeping her lips tightly pressed together almost like she was whistling. A short line of blue flames pushed past her lips. She focused, her breathing steady, shaping her lips until the fire flowed out in a white hot line less than an inch long. The heat of it made some sweat bead at her forehead, but she had done it.
“Well done. That’s very impressive.” Katara clapped her hands at the sight.
Azula released the rest of her breath, before taking another deep inhale. Her lips twitched with barest hint of a smile. Surely Katara would be impressed with any display of firebending and no doubt she had no idea how difficult what she had just done was, but it still felt good to have someone praise her fire bending again. It had been far too long since someone had been in awe of her skill, not terrified of it.
The smile washed away into a scowl. She had always used her firebending to keep others in line. When people were afraid of her skill, afraid of her, they would listen to her. Except that hadn’t worked. Mai and Ty Lee had turned against her. They hadn’t been afraid of her enough. The Dai Li would have betrayed her too. Even the Fire Sages hadn’t been afraid of her enough. They crowned her brother over her.
Katara’s smile had faded as well, watching how Azula’s face fell. She looked at her with only kindness and sadness in her eyes when Azula snarled at her.
“Get it over with already!” Azula snapped flinging herself forward, trying to startle her into action.
“Get what over with?”
“What you came here to do! Just do it and stop playing nice already!” Azula was screaming, smoke and fire frothing at the edge of mouth.
“What did I come here to do?”
Katara was playing stupid, pretending she didn’t know. Pretending that she hadn’t been trying to get Azula to lower her guard. Pretending that she didn’t hate Azula and want to see her hurt. Pretending she didn’t enjoy how far she’s fallen.
“You came here to kill me!” Azula screamed. “You came here to punish me for what I did to you, and your people! For what I tried to do to the Avatar. Don’t pretend you don’t hate me!”
Azula’s wild screams had drawn the attention of those outside. The door opened and a few doctors and orderlies stood in the doorway, they were going to sedate her again. Knock her out so Katara could do whatever she wanted unopposed. She screamed wildly, her screams shaking into sobs, as she pulled and strained against her restraints. She couldn’t focus, couldn’t see. They were going to kill her and she wouldn’t even get a chance to fight back.
It was what she deserved.
She was a monster. She tried to kill her own brother. Her two best friends. She had wanted to see the Fire Nation burn the rest of the world. She had wanted to watch the Earth Kingdom die. She was a monster. She deserved to die.
Tears flowed down her face as she sobbed, wildly out of control. She could barely breathe and the room was spinning and shaking. She could barely see through her tears, her fear, and her self hatred that Katara was standing in the doorway, stopping the doctors from entering. She looked so small in front of these adults. She was arguing with them, but Azula couldn’t hear her words past her own sobbing and the blood pounding in her head.
Azula gave one final screaming, sobbing jerk and toppled her chair sideways. Her head hit the hard floor and sparks danced before her eyes. As sudden as that, the silence in the room became deafening. She laid on her side, her head resting on the ground, still bound to her wheel chair. A pair of fur lined boots stepped into her view.
“Azula? I’m going to lift you up ok?” Her voice was soft. Gentle. Azula nodded without trying to say anything.
Her world tilted and straightened as Katara lifted her chair and set it back on its wheels. Now she could see that the door to her room was frozen shut, ice filling the door frame and the lock. Katara smiled at her for a moment when she was back upright, then began searching the cabinets in the room. After a short search she returned with bandages and a clothe. She knelt in front of Azula’s chair, so their eyes were level.
“Your head is bleeding. May I take care of it?” Water glowed at her finger tips.
“No bending.” Azula gasped out.
Katara nodded, and let some water soak into the clothe then began to dab at Azula’s face. She couldn’t even recognize the pounding pain in her own head. All she could do was watch Katara wipe the blood from the side of her face. She also used a corner of the clothe to wipe the rest of her face, removing the tear marks and soot from her face. The cool feeling helped ground Azula in the moment, but she was still struggling.
“Why are you here, Katara?” Azula whispered.
Azula couldn’t fathom what would drive her enemy to care for her. Even the doctors here only saw to her health on orders from the Fire Lord, out of whatever misplaced love or pity drove him. Katara face showed nothing but compassion. She wasn’t here on orders. So why was she here?
Katara looked thoughtful for a few minutes, not answering as she formulated an answer, while she continued to clean her face, and bandage the small cut on the side of her head. Finally she was finished and retook her chair.
“I was hoping we could learn from each other.” Katara said softly. Azula looked at her, her head tilted to the side. “We are two of the most powerful benders in the world. I’m sure there is a lot we can learn.”
“You’re not the Avatar. You can’t fire bend.”
“Maybe not.” She picked up the key from the table, it was mostly melted, now far smaller, but with a gesture it reformed to its original shape and size. “But this was an Earthbender technique. Zuko’s lightning redirection is Waterbender technique. The fire bending you’ve shown me looks an awful lot like an Airbender technique I’ve seen Aang do. Who knows what I could do with some fire bending techniques?”
“You? You’re just a simple water tribe peasant.” Azula was tired. Her voice sounded drained even to her own ears. To her surprise Katara didn’t rise to the barb, instead she laughed.
“You know it’s funny you always call me a peasant. It really goes to show how much you don’t know.” Azula looked up at her, confusion in her eyes. Seeing her look Katara sat back, with the clear air of someone about to give a lecture.
“The water tribes may not have kings like the Fire Nation or the Earth Kingdom, but we still have chieftains. My father is the chief of the Southern Water Tribe. And Sokka briefly dated the daughter of the Norther Water Tribe chief. So he and I are just as royal as you and Zuko to our people.”
Azula arched an eyebrow. Her history lessons growing up had certainly never gone into detail on how the other nations were ruled. The only one she had any real experience with was the Earth Kingdom, considering she had lead a coup against their king.
“Now I may not have all the best furs and jewels like you and your brother. The Southern Water Tribe was much more egalitarian, striving to make sure that everyone has enough, rather then focusing on one family having more than any other.”
“Interesting. I presume in the far south, you have to be, to ensure your people survive with such few resources.” Azula mused.
“Exactly. Now if only I could get the Minister of the Interior to see that view.”
Azula released a bark of a laugh. “That old wind bag? Not on your life!”
She laughed again. Though Katara crossed her arms and gave a mock glare.
“And what would you suggest to convince him?”
“I suppose threatening his family is out?”
“Not really Zuko’s style. And now that I’m well known I can’t really dress up as a spirit to attack his factories any more.”
Azula sat up straight for a moment, before leaning forward conspiratorially, or at least leaning as far forward as her bounds would allow.
“As interesting as I’m sure that story is, you have to know there is only one thing the minister cares about.” Katara gestured for her to continue. “Money. The island he is governor of has one of the most productive iron mines in the Fire Nation. The war is over, that means no more tanks, ships or weapons. Which means all that iron he is sitting on is useless.”
Katara sat back, her face thoughtful.
“Now that is something useful to learn.” Katara smiled, a broad glowing smile that lit up the room. “See! We are learning from each other already.”
Azula allowed a small ghost of smile to flit across her face.
Eventually Katara had to leave, though she promised this would be the first of many such conversations. The doctors nervously allowed her to remain free of the muzzle. Long after Katara had left, Azula sat up looking at the small puddle of water that had once been a frozen key.
The singular conversation wouldn’t fix what one hundred years of war, the genocide of a people and attempted genocide of another had broken. It wouldn’t fix what fourteen years of abuse and manipulation at the hands of her father had caused. It couldn’t make all of Azula’s problems go away. But it was a start. And with all stories, they had to start somewhere. And a conversation was as fine a place as any for Azula’s new journey to start.
Please Reblog!
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The Siren Borough
((I need a break from the reincarnation AU, so I figured I’d write this real quick. The idea’s been knocking around in my head for a bit, anyway, partially based on this post. Enjoy, y’all.))
...
Brooklyn had long been known as the ‘siren’ borough, the nickname having started years before Race even became a Newsie, but he’d never really thought about why.
True, many of the Brooklyn boys and girls were deceptively pretty, leading many to make the mistake of underestimating them. Because not all of the Brooklyn kids looked big and strong, (though many of them did) but all of them were capable of handling themselves in a fight, with even their smallest Littles able to throw good punches.
Of course, other boroughs had attractive yet dangerous kids, too, and though Brooklyn certainly had the bloodiest reputation and the most known kills, it still didn’t explain why people called them the Siren Borough.
Race didn’t know the real reason until the first time he spent the night in Brooklyn, a few months after the strike.
He was staying over because Spot was hurt, because Brooklyn had gotten in a rumble with Queens.
Race had never stayed so late, and he’d definitely never seen the Brooklyn kids tipsy the way they were now, passing around a few bottles of cheap booze as what must be every Newsie over the age of 14 lounged around on the docks, trying to distract themselves from the pain of their injuries and shake off lingering aggression.
They were called the Siren borough for a reason, apparently.
Because apparently when Brooklyn kids got drunk, they sang.
They sang folk songs and sea melodies, the kind of showtunes Medda performed and even a few hymns, though not many went to church.
They sounded pretty damn good, and Race could see why people called them sirens.
“Why didn’t ya tell me every single person in your borough can sing?” he asked Spot, genuinely impressed as he watched Hildy and Joey drunkenly imitating Medda’s showgirls as York, Hotshot, and Rafaela laughed at them.
Spot chuckled, “Ya never asked. But why did ya think everybody called us the ‘Siren Borough?’”
Hildy and Joey’s voices echoed across the water, hauntingly beautiful despite the fact that it wasn’t a song appropriate to be singing in a place where children could possibly hear.
Then Race realized.
He grinned, “Us?”
“Oh, no.”
“As in, you can sing, too?”
“No, Racer.”
“C’mon, please?” Race begged, “Please, light of my life, love of mine?”
Spot laughed, “You’re ridiculous, y’know that?”
“I make a point to be. C’mon, Spottie, please? Sing somethin’ for me?”
Spot glanced over at his kids, who were all pretty absorbed in listening to York singing some old love song Race didn’t recognize.
Him and Spot had sat so far off because... well, they were drinking, inhibitions were lowered, and though Spot’s inner circle of trust wouldn’t give a damn if they got mushy (though none of them except Hotshot knew about Spot and Race’s relationship), there were plenty of kids who would, and would use it against him if they knew.
“Well, there is one old song I know,” Spot admitted, “My ma used to sing it, and she said she got it from her great-grandmother. I ain’t sang it in a while, though. I ain’t sang in a while, period, so don’t expect it to be good.”
Race shrugged, unbothered, “It’s you, so I’m sure it’s good.”
“Shut up.”
“Gonna sing?”
Spot rolled his eyes, but he took a deep breath and cleared his throat.
“Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate’s life for me. We pillage, we plunder we rifle and loot, drink up me hearties, yo ho.”
Race laughed, “Was your... great-great grandma a pirate?”
Spot just glared at him and kept singing.
“We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot, drink up me hearties, yo ho. Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me. We extort, we pilfer we filch and sack, drink up me hearties, yo ho. Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack, drink up me hearties yo ho. Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me.”
That was when Spot stopped, waited a second, then swore.
“Ah, fuck. There’s more, but I can’t remember the rest. Sorry to let ya down, but it’s probably for the best, anyway. I ain’t the best singer.”
Race smiled, “I thought it was great.”
Spot looked away, gazing out across the water, but Race knew he was just trying to hide that he was blushing.
“So, what kind of crazy person was your great-great grandmother if she could pass down a song like that?”
Spot shrugged, “It’s just a song, Racer.”
“Songs have meanin’,” Race insisted, “And personally, I think it’s pretty interestin’ that you might be descended from a pirate.”
Spot snorted, “Well, I’m pretty sure all the stories Ma used to tell me ‘bout her were just stories, but... well, she used to say that all our family are drawn to the sea, ‘cause we’s got sailin’ in our blood. ‘Cause our ancestor was the fiercest lady pirate who ever lived. And I guess I... I guess I’s felt that, a little, but... well, I left all that behind a long time ago. I ain’t talked to my mom since I ran away.”
Race put a hand on his shoulder, knowing how much Spot hated talking about his past. His mom and especially his dad were sore topics for him, and always had been. Hell, parents were a sore topic for Race, too. For a lot of the Newsies, really. Kids didn’t wind up on the streets for no reason.
“Well, if it makes ya feel any better, my pops used to say he had piratin’ in his blood, too.”
Spot laughed, “Really, now?”
“It’s true! He used to tell me stories ‘bout my great-somethin’ grandpa! Said he was one of the luckiest pirates ever!”
“Really? Who?”
Race grinned, “Dad used to say we was the last descendants of Captain Jack Sparrow.”
“Your dad used to say you were descended from Jack fuckin’ Sparrow? The pirate all sailors still remember ‘cause he was batshit insane?”
Race laughed at the skepticism in his voice, “Yeah, I never really believed it. Makes for a good story to tell the littles, though.”
Spot smirked, ”It’s funny. He was actually in some of my ma’s stories, too. Apparently, my great-great grandma took her riches, moved on land, and lived out the rest of her days without piratin’ once times started changin’. But the really interestin’ part was that her family offered to take Jack with ‘em cause he was a good friend of theirs, but he wouldn’t leave the sea. So, eventually, he got killed, and my great-great grandparents spent the rest of their lives tellin’ how stupid he was for not changin’ with the times.”
“Ooh. So I guess it runs in your family to be disappointed in mine.”
“Well, ya don’t leave much to not be disappointed in.”
Race slapped his lover in the arm, “Why do I love you again?”
“Maybe ‘cause I sing old pirate songs for ya.”
“Hmm. That must be it.”
A lot of the other Brooklyn kids already seemed to be passed out drunk, so Race felt safe enough to lay his head on Spot’s shoulder, the other boy leaning into the touch.
“I don’t sing that for just anybody, y’know,” Spot said quietly.
“I know,” Race said truthfully, “And honestly? I’ve never heard that song, and I heard a lot of old sailin’ songs when my dad was still alive. Maybe your great-great grandmother really was a pirate.”
Spot snorted, “Maybe. Of course, the stories also said her husband was the captain of a ship crewed by damned souls, so...”
“Yeah... well, even if parts of the story ain’t true, that don’t mean it’s all fake. What was your fierce pirate great-great grandmother’s name? Do ya know?”
Spot sighed, laughing a little as he leaned his face just slightly towards Race’s hair, “You’s really buyin’ into this, ain’t ya, love?”
“Just tryin’ to get the full story,” Race said with a cheeky grin.
Seeing that he wasn’t going to just give this up, Spot sighed again, rolling his eyes.
“Elizabeth Swan. Her name was Elizabeth Swan.”
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14x15 Commentary
Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)
Hello and welcome:
@purpleskiesandcherrypies (Nat)
@dean-winchesters-bacon (Kat) good night babe
@waywardbaby (Zee)
@ain-t-bovvered (Giulia)
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
Giulia: Oh the music is the stupid episode kind of music
Nat: awww
Zee: Baby dean
Giulia: THE WHIMPERING
J: I didn’t want to leave it there. And I didn't want to just kill it.
M: I’m looking for a new home
Giulia: I can be your new home bb
Nat: NO
Giulia: I DON T TRUST IT
Zee: Bamf Jack!! Two words I never thought I’d use In the same sentence
Nat: We're in Lawrence aren't we
Zee: In what year?
Scooby doo matinee 2$ . WHAT
oh look a Metallica poster. I still have that CD
Giulia: oh look My aesthetic
Giulia: That James Dean vibe tho
What’s this stupid music.
Zee: Charming acres???
Nat: "Where Everybody's Happy" Are we in Pleasant Ville?
I don’t trust shit.
Zee: Splash
See..?
Nat: Brain-mush
Giulia: CLEAN AISLE 3
Nat: Well, good morning to my breakfast
Giulia: TRUEST REACTION on supernatural EVER
Giulia: he loves that snake
Nat: SNAKY
C: *knocks* Hey Jack?
J: I’m good Castiel. [OMG DAAAAD stop breathing on my neck]
C: [sigh, semi-soulless teenagers]
Giulia: What’s up with the all black
C: How's the snake?
J: I don't think he's feeling well. He won’t eat.
well...doesn’t snakes eat rarely tho? like....once a week or something?
Zee: He misses his previous owner
LOOK AT THAT CUTE FUCKING SOFT SMILE . FUCK YOU MISHA
C: He's been through a lot of changes in a short period of time. I guess that's something you have in common.
Nat: He's going dark
Zee: Concerned dad
C: Jack, you killed Michael. You consumed his grace.
Giulia: I. DON T. TRUST. THIS. DID HE THO?
but also.....right now I’m that granny that mistook Cas for her 3rd husband , : “you are so pretty Charles”
Nat: I feel different now.... YA THINK
J: You want to know how much of my soul I had to burn off to kill Michael.
Yeah fuck I wanna know ok.
Nat: How could he know?!
Giulia: can’t cas look it up
Nat: He could stick his hand in there.
Giulia: HE COULD
Nat: That sounded wrong
Giulia: IT DID.
Zee: Deep inside. There I made it worse
J: I try not to think about it.
BAD.
I don’t like that hollow stare Jack, I swear to fucking god Imma slap your soul back into your body.
so I’m listening to the ep with my headphones and BOOOOOOY DID I HEAR THAT SIGH [cranking up the volume to the max and goes back]
Nat: I could eat him alive. And the sandwich
A wild Castiel appears.
C: Oh. Thought you, uh, were gonna sleep until the cows dragged you home.
D: That's not the -- Never mind.
THE *claps* DOMESTICS *claps*
AWE Cass asked about Rowena. [ what was the ship name again? Rostiel?, Caswena?Witchywings?
AWE CAS ASKED ABOUT SAM. [SASTIEEEEL]
D: I think they're both full of crap.
Of course they are, this is Supernatural. Cue painful montage!
*jazz hands*
Giulia: Poor sam
Zee: PTSD
Nat: Sammy :(
Giulia: They were his people
Sam and his fucking trembling lips
Nat: Aw Baby let me hug you
[Dean eating]
Giulia: Das me
Nat: I'm still hungry
Zee: Damn that mouth. It’s big
Giulia: What does it do tho ? wiggling eyebrows
Zee: It eats!! Everything
S: Yeah, well... I'm leaving in ten.
C: Maybe I should go with him. And you can stay with Jack.
me : GASP YES
D: Why do you think he'll talk to me?
hE ‘S YOUR SOOOOON!
C: Well, because he looks up to you.
Dean don’t you roll your eyes at your hub. It’s impolite.
D: I was not great with Sam, you know, when he was, uh...
STOP right there. Don’t give me flashbacks
D: Well, how am I supposed to figure that out?
Cass, your Misha is slipping out, put that voice back into the cave it came out of
C : Just talk to him. Get him to open up.
Audience : * SNORTS * yeah riiiight
C: Sleep until the cows come home.
D: There it is.
C: That's the saying.
*CLAPS* DOMESTICS
Nat: I'm hungryyyyyyyy
Zee: We’ve established that Nat
Nat: I mean.... APART FROM THIRSTYYYYYYYYYYY
Giulia: I’m eating nuts
Zee: I bet you are
Nat: Nut juice. Food against hunger and thirst. New Bumper sticker
Awe Cas is driving BB. [but where is the pimp mobile]
S: I'm good, honestly
C: YEAH I KNOW EVERYBODY IS GOOD
UUUUUH Cas baby, get me all tingly with your sarcasm
Also write that under the series main title as a warning really.
SUPERNATURAL : EVERYBODY IS GOOD
Listen Sam, baby, I can hear your voice breaking, stop with the bullshit.
C is like....you can fill so much bullshit in that moose body
S: we don't have as many Hunters as we used to.
OUCH
Zee: Cas learnt how to use his badge
Giulia: Lame
Nat: "We're FBI..."
Look how cute my baby is...look at him *sobs*
C: Was it more "Scanners" 1, 2, or 3?
OH WOW, IS CAS BEING DEAN RIGHT NOW? (because I’m all for it.)
Giulia: I bet dean made him watch that.
Nat: Charming Acres
Nat: I don't wanna live there
Giulia: I DOOOOO
Zee: It’s creepy ffs
Nat: It's all shades of fucked up. I mean, look!
LOVE IT
C: It's like we're stepping into a Saturday Evening Post. I look at them sometimes after you fall asleep at night. They're very soothing.
I had to google that , not gonna lie. Also....HOW FUCKING CUTE IS THAT?!
Giulia: DEM HAAAAAIR THO.
Giulia: FOXY WIFE
Zee: Foxy wife
S: What was that?
Giulia: i love that time, minus the racism and patriarchy and the war.
Nat: What is wrong with these people
Giulia: Living my dream ok
Zee: Oh shut up babe
Nat: I don't like perfect
Giulia: Cas and his bed hair
Giulia: DEM MILKSHAKES. I BET THERE IS SOMETHING IN THERE
Zee: Something fishy, lass
Sammy likes them milkshakes tho
Is it just my impression or Cas is running out of fucks this season?? I love it.
FLATFOOTS
Zee&Nat: We take care of each other.
mmm, don’t like that
Zee: Don’t like the way that sounded
Giulia: suspicious
Mayor: They said something about an aneurysm or something?
C:
Zee: His head exploded
Nat: His head exploded
Giulia: OH NO HIS HEAD EXPLODED
Zee: Gotta love Cas
Giulia&Nat: Like a ripe melon on the sun
Giulia: GOTTA LOVE HIM
Sam panicking.
S: "Like a ripe melon on the sun"?
C: It was an apt metaphor.
As I said : Angel out of fucks
S: Okay, well, maybe next time try to be a little less...apt.
C: The entire town is so strangely picturesque.
Giulia: I KNOOOOOW! , Can I go there?
Zee: NOOOOOOO
Nat: We wouldn't let you
Giulia: Dat dress.
Nat: Bonding time
Jack just gave the snake the cookie crunch , sobs so pure....for now
J: I think he’s sad
Nat: Have you tried bacon
Bacon....the solution to everything. I mean....not wrong, it’s delicious.
Giulia: so dorky
Sniffs Chinese food
D: Well, anyway, you and the, uh, snake...want to go for a little dri-ive?
gets mice .
Nat: mice scare him?
ok but Dean is that squeamish sometimes . It’s hilarious.
...because the mice scared me and I need confort. Also I’ll probably avoid Chinese food for a month so there’s that.
Nat: Ahhh... Jack really talks to that thing
Woman: Not people. Men. I only rent to young men. It's not proper -- young women living alone?
Nat: MORALS. GOTTA HAVE MORALS
*looks at Castiel*
Woman: You know.
...C i like....what
me: sHe fLirtS
Nat: Ya still wanna go there, @Giulia
Zee: She’ll say yes
Giulia: YEAH. Y’all can’t stop me
Zee: See? I’ll tie you down bitch just watch
Nat: Ya CAnT LiVE oN YOuR oWn
Giulia: I’ll work at the diner
Time for some SNOOPING
Giulia: So much hand porn for me
C: - they're...surprisingly passionate.
Sam with a tiny ass cup ready for some gossiping: Passionate how?
Castiel without a speck of blush: She spends, uh, quite a bit of time talking about the -- the shape and the heft of his --
Zee: Such a tiny cup
Please tell me there a DICK PICK in there lol
S: It's getting late, Cass. And you're right. I-I probably need some rest.
oh noe
C: You want to stay here?
S: Why not? Ms. Dowling's making pot roast.
OH NOE
Nat: I can smell head explosion
Zee: I can smell the bleach they’ll use
Nat: And there you go
Giulia: NICE I can live in that fantasy idc
Nat: You won't have us
Giulia: I wouldn’t know
Zee: Impossible. We’re seeped in your bones
Giulia: You can’t miss what you don’t remember
Nat: Yo head's going to explode when you remember, Giuls
D: Why don't you grub up? We still got another couple hours.
J: I'm not really hungry.
I DON’T LIKE IT
D: Give him one of these. I bet he's never had that before.
DEAN NO
J: I don't think you have a firm grasp on what snakes eat.
Zee: Uncomfortable dean
D: Yeah, I always thought they were kind of cool, though.
Nat: Aww...adorable Dean
Giulia: I thrive out of these moments
Zee: Road trip with dad
D: Mm. Well, it's not the snake that's dangerous. It's their...bite.
J: Is -- Is that a saying?
D: It is now.
Nat: hahah... is Dean looking with one he's going to pick?
Nat: Dad move
Giulia: Was that really a way to test jack? With CAKES
Nat: Dean move
Sam’s room is empty
Giulia: Weird Sam time
Zee: Not good
Nat: I told ya
Giulia: Das me jamming
Giulia: He so awkward
Giulia: HALLO!
Giulia: No i don t eat.I'm looking for my partner.
Mrs B: Oh. The very nice, the very tall fella?
Castiel angel of the lord? more like Castiel angel of I’VE RUN OUT OF FUCKS
Mrs.B: Hm. He said he's going for a walk. [pause ] And a milkshake.
Giulia: Still me jamming, ‘He’s got tan shoes with pink shoelaces’
Nat: yeah i mean, what's with her. all of a sudden a new husband?
Nat: My partner
Giulia: I’m looking my partner
Nat: The tall man - yes the very tall man
Zee: The very tall. Man
Giulia: I WOULD HAVE DIED. CAN HE GRAB MY HANDS TOO
Nat: Mr smith is gone long live Mr smith
Giulia: I would like a martini yes
Zee: I was waiting for this
C: Hair? ---He has beautiful hair?
Giulia: HE HAS
Nat: he has beautiful hair
Giulia: BEAUTIFUL HAIR
Giulia: THIS IS COMPLICATED . Cas is like...... WHAT IS THIS I WAS NOT PROGRAMMED FOR THIS. PEOPLE . PEOPLE SKILL. NOT FUNCTIONING .
Giulia: OH LOOK THAT’S MY MOM
Nat: what
Nat: the
Nat: fuck
Giulia: i’m loving this cas
C: I'm so sorry, but last night, his head, um --
Giulia: he had to pause
Giulia: That laugh was creepy
Nat: How about that martini?
Mrs. Smith : No...my husband he’s good.
[ SNORTS ]
Nat: OH god... no I need a drink
Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Giulia: ...
Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Giulia: EW
Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Nat: That pony tail
Zee: I don’t like this
Giulia: THAT’S SWELL
Nat: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO JUSTIN NO GOOD
what’s up wITH THE FUCKING POT ROAST ?
Nat: Honey, make me one too! Dammit
Giulia: SAME I NEED 5
Zee: A round of martinis please
C: This is not your house.
Justin!Sam :
Justin!Sam : You're right. This is my wife's house. I am simply living here.
Giulia: OH YOU
C: Something terrible's happened.
you right, those hair happened
Justin!Sam: I'm feeling adventurous.
Nat: Rawr ?
Giulia: NO
Giulia: I CAN T
Zee: I can’t process
Justin!Sam : So that's a no-no on the hooch?
I think Jared had too much fun in this. I WANT ALL THE BLOOPERS PLEASE PLEASEEEEE
Giulia: I’m laughing so much
Nat: You watch your mouth
Giulia: SIR U WATCH UR MOUTH
Zee: Skedaddle
Nat: I don't wear a hat , dammit I.... uh
Zee: Bitch
Giulia: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
Justin!Sam : Sir, using language like, uh, "H-E-double hockey sticks" --
Nat: Wash your mouth out with soap?
Giulia: GUYS, I haven’t had this much fun on spn in a long time.
I can’t breathe
Zee: I’m dying here
Nat: Double hockey sticks?
oh....OH.....I GOT IT NOW....GOLLY...WHAT THE HECKIE
Nat: STILL WANNA LIVE THERE?
Giulia: YEAH SHUT UP
Nat: ZETa
Zee: What?
Nat: Giuls is willing to leave us and go live there
Giulia: I LIKE THE AESTHETICS
Zee: As I said. Not possible. The amount of the insanity that she has shared with us won’t let her
Donatello : Ah, I am just the picture of health. Except for my prostate. It's shaped like a papaya.
...THANK YOU BB
also...do you guys think the Winchester get their prostate checked? or do they call.....Doctor Novak? (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)
Nat: Dena really doesn't like snakes. Dean. Not Dena. Well, maybe Dena too. I wouldn't know
Giulia: We don’t judge
Zee: Never
Giulia: I LOVE HIM
Giulia: God sister snacked on it
Giulia: That’s a big ass cup
Nat: That's a big cup
Zee: Black hole
Giulia: ...
Giulia: This succession of texts is cursed
Nat: Not going there, Giuls
Zee: Again. I concur
Giulia: I ain’t said shit ya pervs
Zee: YET
Nat: You were thinking it. That's enough
Zee: ABOUT TO SAY IT
Giulia: You two were thinking it too , get off that high horse
Zee: offended gasp
J: And when it was gone, how did you -- how'd you feel?
Donatello: Like...the galaxy. You know, Jack, our galaxy's all bright and shiny
and spinny, but in its center lies this very large black hole.
Donatello: I'm all bright and shiny, obviously. Not so much spinny
But inside? Empty.
Donatello : Losing your soul doesn't make you bad It doesn't make you anything. It's, um... an absence of...of pity, of empathy...of humanity.
J: I know I don't feel...nothing, but I don't feel the same, either. And maybe I just don't know what nothing feels like. Mostly, I just don't want Sam and Dean and Cass to worry. I just -- I need time and space to figure things out on my own, but everywhere I go, there's someone looking over my shoulder.
Giulia: I get that boo
Nat: MAKE ME CRY JACK
J: Sam and Dean are the best men I know.
Nat: FUCK YOU. I'M CRYING
Donatello : whenever you don't want them to worry just think "WWWD" -- "What Would the Winchesters Do?"
Giulia: Pew pew pew pew pew pew. That’s what they’ll do. Sex stares. Bitchfaces. Bacon. Rocking off. Kill monsters. BOOKS.
Zee: Kicking asses, taking names
Giulia: Kick names , take ass
Nat: there goes giuls
Zee: Oh babe!!! Right there
Nat: I should not engage in this convo because it's going to be dirty
Zee: He’s not like you?!
Donatello : I suppose the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a soul?
D: Donny.
Donny: What?
Nat: He seems ok
Nat: SEEMS
Donny: Jack's probably the most powerful being in the universe. [Creepy music starts to play....I sweat] I mean, really, who knows what's going on inside his head?
Giulia: I like donatello
D [ with the anxiety of a thousands suns ] : ...thanks
Zee: Erotic musings
Giulia: Cas saying “steamy” and “erotic” is making me tingling
Zee: Rip it from your ...
YOU KNOW WHAT HE CAN RIP OFF ME THO?
Nat: BAMF CAS
Giulia: And this too
Nat: Of course it's him
Zee: What are you ?
Nat: Sam's so tall
Zee&Giuls: The squint
Zee: Giuls shut up
Mayor: and no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs,
they'd move away.
Giulia: Oh boo hoo .Let me do drug in peace.
Mayor: ...And you know what happened next?
C: No, but I have a feeling you're gonna tell me.
[I’m all out of fucks anyway ]
Giulia: THE SNARK
C: I won't hurt you, Sam.
Justin!Sam: Golly, I told you my name is Justin!
Giulia: GOLLY
Nat: Justin!Sam is this a thing now?
Giulia: i hope
Zee: Giuls. That’s all for you. Cas kicking ass
Giulia: I know I’m sweating. Look at this shit
H O T
Giulia: NO IDC ABOUT THEM LEMME SEE CAS
C: Fight this!
J S: Why? I'm happy in Charming Acres.
Giulia: THAT’s US
Nat: That's us against Giuls
C: Sam, I know you want to be happy. And I know what it's like to lose your army. I know what it's like...to fail as a leader, Sam. But you can't lose yourself.
You have to keep fighting.
You can't lose yourself, because if you do, you fail us. You fail all of those that we've lost. You fail Jack. Sam, you fail Dean.
Nat: make me cry
Giulia: omg I’m crying
Giulia: I’m cryiiing and I’m tired of seeing Cas and that fucking blade like that ok.STOP IT. [ going into MOC Dean ptsd ]
Zee: Lool
Nat: OH no no brain explosion please
Zee: I’m god
Giulia: We met god. God has a beard
Zee: God has a beard
Giulia: God is ma dad
Nat: NO
Giulia: YAS QUEEN
Zee: I like her now
Giulia: make his head go splat
Zee: Vegetable
Giulia: Psh lame
Nat: hey, not bad huh?
Giulia: Laaaaame
Zee: You needed the splat!
Nat: you know lame when you get there giuls
Zee: Nat. We’ve established we won’t let her
Giulia: BuT ThE dREsSeS
Giulia: God dean
Nat: Dean stop being adorable
j: It was...illuminating
D ... the fuck, stop talking like your angel father.
D: Heard you wore a cardigan.
C: Yeah, I told him about the cardigan.
S: Great. Thanks.
D: And the wife.
Giulia: What about the ponytail
Giulia: Wait, Cas and dean talked about it on the phone [dies]
D: Well, not a lot of happy goin' on around here.
Nat: Wow, Dean feel a stab in his heart
S: I hate this place right now. I hate it.
S: Everywhere I look, I see them. I see Maggie. I guess that's why, uh -- why I was so desperate to get out of here, why I kept running us ragged. But I got to stop that. I-I can't keep running. I -- This is my home.
This is our home.
Dean, I think I just need some time.
Giulia: Yeah same
Nat: Sammy babe
Zee: How couldn’t they have
Giulia: Awe this is the hurt Sammy season. Again
D: Okay.
Giulia: STAPH
Giulia: WITH
Giulia: THAT
Giulia: LOOK
Giulia: JARED
Zee: Sam needs a million years in therapy
Nat: You need help
Giulia: NO
Zee: Oh no
Giulia: I DON T LIKE IT
J: Sam and Dean would help you, so -- so I'll help you.
Nat:. Nah, Dean wouldn't
J: I'll help you see your friend again.
Giulia: FUCKING
Nat: No
Giulia: NO
J: In Heaven.
Nat: What
Giulia: JAAACK
Nat: Jack
Giulia: THank god cas saw it
Nat: Wtf
Zee: Yeah. That wasn’t good
Giulia: Oh shuttttt uuuup
Giulia: PROMO
Zee: Dean in a suit. Alien vs predator
Nat: Creepy, me likey
Giulia: Eh
Nat: OK babes, i gotta go. Nat: See ya! it was a pleasure.
Zee: Always
Giulia: Go have some milkshake
.
.
.
If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.
TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie @mariekoukie6661 @dragontamerm @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat @bunnybaby121115 @aliaitee2 @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc @dammitsammy @legendary-destiel @winchesterprincessbride @destielhoneybee @castiellover20 @jacks-word-of-the-day @ravenhg @evvvissticante
#14x15 commentary#spn 14x15#14x15 spoiler#peace of mind#14x15 peace of mind#Episode commentary#spn episode commentary#spn commentary#commentary
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Beauty and the Beast (E.D.)
Author’s Note: Heyy so this imagine took me so long and made me have a brain fart but it’s finally finished sorry for any typos.
Requested: No
Word Count: 5.5k
Warnings: Curse words
Prompt: Beauty and the Beast inspired
Different. That’s how people described you to be. You were a different type of person than most people at your school. And you were ok with that.
You never found interest in what the majority did. Football games, drinking and smoking, none of that amused you. Instead you found your head buried in a book that sucked you in for hours. You had visited the school library more times than any person before, since typically no one really goes to the library this day and age.
But you didn’t care. You always found a sense of comfort in reading that you never had before. Your mom would always read to you before you went to sleep. She always had a book in her hand whenever she was home. Maybe that’s where you got it from.
But your dad said you guys were different. You were so fearless, so smart and intelligent yet so gentle and caring. According to your father, “your mother could only be one of those things depending on the day. But you, you’re all of them. You’re beautiful.”
“Actually, I’m known to be different.” You said, closing the book that was on your lap with a finger still in the book so you’d know what page to flip right back to.
Your father practically scoffed. “Nonsense. You’re unique. And that’s something no one will ever take away from you.”
Your father would always tell you that your beauty ravished from the inside out. And you thought that to be true. But you could tell there was something else that made many guys like you. Especially this one guy who wouldn’t leave you alone.
“Yo babe wait up.” There was only one person who said that to you every morning on your way to your second period class. George.
He seemed to be infatuated with you, and the very idea of love to him was just having himself between a girls legs. You pulled your binder closer to your chest hiding where his eyes were drawn to most of the time whenever you talked.
A hand reached out to touch your arm and you turned around and were faced with a huge stack of weeds that seemed to be picked from the school parking lot.
“Are those supposed to be flowers?” You asked stepping back from him as the dirt on the roots started to fall.
“Well, no. This is a way to win you over. When you come over my house there will be nice flowers set up. So,” he stepped closer and pushed the bunch of weeds into my hand, “Come over tonight?”
You pushed the weeds back into his chest. “I will never go over your house George. Sorry.” You turned and walked away to your class as he just stood there with his friends surrounding him.
“Bro she just turned you down again. That has to be a record of some kind.”
“Shut up. She’s just playing hard to get. She’ll fall into my traps soon.”
Ugh. Go to George’s house? Date George? What a disgusting thought. You wanted the real type of love. The love that was similar to those in a book. Maybe those are only stories in the books, but you wished of a love story. Not a sex story.
You weren’t exactly quite sure why George was so obsessed with you either. Many people weren’t. He was one of the most popular guys at your school and he wasn’t bad looking either. Girls pounced on him like he was their last supper and he ate it all up. He loves attention and that’s the one thing he’ll never get enough of. Along with you.
But you were just a simple girl who loved to read.
When the bell finally rung for lunch, students raced to the cafeteria to meet up with their friends and talk about drama and so on and so forth. You walked in the opposite direction of them to the school library where you went every day for lunch.
You pushed open the familiar blue doors and went into the library to the same spot you went every day. It was right next to the librarians desk since you two had lunch together.
“Hello Mrs. Mulligan.” You said, sitting down and pulling your lunch out of your bag.
“Why hello there Y/N. Looking beautiful today as always.” She complimented. You smiled at her to thank her as you thought about her.
She was a little old lady, around 63 years old. Most people wanted to retire at that age but Mrs. Mulligan loved books. She’d said the only way she’d ever leave this job is the day she couldn’t walk to this job. She loved it and had been working in this school for over 40 years.
You and her had many similarities. You were both book worms, both had lost someone dear to them, and both enjoyed quiet and peacefulness over the loudness and wildness.
Not to mention Mrs. Mulligan was gorgeous when she was younger. She had shown photos of her in high school one day after you had shown her your senior photos and she was simply gorgeous.
“Oh but not nearly as beautiful as you my dear. You have something no one else has. You have dignity.”
She always said how back in her days it was so common for people to love books. But now no one ever came into the library besides you and maybe two other people.
“Is anyone here today?” You asked, taking a might bite of your apple.
“One person I believe. He comes in pretty often but he chooses to be in the back.”
You wondered why, but then remembered not many people liked to express their likings, especially if they had to hide them because they felt embarrassed.
“Oh.” You continued to talk as you made your way around the library, looking for a book that interested you.
You came across a book that interested you and went to grab it when another hand came across to grab it as well. You looked up at the figure whose hand also reached for the book and saw a 6’2ish guy who turned away so quickly you weren’t able to see his face. Before you knew it he snatched the book away from you forcefully causing you to lose your balance and stumble back into the bookshelf a bit.
You regained your balance and he was gone.
Such a beast.
Sixth period was the last period of the day for you and it was your favorite. English. You loved english and your teachers seemed to love you more. You were the only student they had that really understood the books the assigned. You were also the only student that was able to make those connections and references to life.
You didn’t even try to be one of those kiss ups that people made you out to be. You were just so fascinated by English and literature that you got it so easily.
So when your teacher asked you to stay after class for a minute you weren’t scared like every other kid would be.
The bell rung and you stayed the extra minute like your teacher asked.
“Y/N, you are my best student when it comes to English. I was wondering if you could help tutor someone who struggles a little more.”
“Oh. I don’t know.” You said honestly. You weren’t sure if you wanted to tutor people.
“You just have a way of explaining the text and literature that makes it easy to understand. And I’ll give you service credits.” You sighed, knowing full well you would give in anyways.
“Sure thing.”
“Great, are you available tomorrow after school? It will just be in the school library.”
“Yes that’ll be fine.”
“Great, thank you so much Y/N.”
“Anytime.” You walked out of the class and out of the school. What had you gotten yourself into?
2:35. The person you were tutoring was already making a great impression. You didn’t realize they were late as your head was buried into a new book you picked out earlier at the library. At around 2:40, the library door slammed open, causing you to jump. You looked at who you were tutoring, and it was the same person who snatched the book from you at the library.
Ethan Dolan. You knew who he was. He was in your English class freshman year. You never knew what he was like since he either never showed up or didn’t care.
You were confused to say the least. Why would Ethan want tutoring for English? He hated it. Unless Mr. Alceri forced him to show up? You weren’t sure. But you were sure he didn’t want to be here.
He took the chair that was the opposite side from you. Although it wasn’t that far away, it was still a good distance that made it a bit harder to help him. But you didn’t mind. You preferred to keep your distance.
“Let’s just start by reading the chapter we’re on now. Page 14.” You both read in silence, and you became so intrigued into the book that you almost didn’t hear Ethan nearly growl.
“I don’t understand this shit! It makes no sense to me!” He exclaimed, clearly frustrated.
“What part don’t you understand?” You asked, looking up from your book to look at him. He shook his head and almost chuckled at your question.
“None of it. These stupid romance books are a fucking joke.”
“Ok well maybe you need someone to explain it to you. Here I’ll show you.” You said, getting up to go over to him. You bent over near him so your book was in front of both of your faces. It had sticky notes on almost every page to help you for your reports.
“Get that book out of my face.”
“What?” You asked, clearly confused by his demand.
“I said get the fucking book out of my face!” He yelled, grabbing the book and throwing it away. For the first time since you’ve met him you feared him, and you quickly grabbed your book off the floor before grabbing your bag and leaving the library.
Never in your life have you been that scared before. You were always one to be brave, fearless. But he just had something that was so beast like about him. Your heart was still beating out of your chest as you walked down the familiar hallways to leave the school building. You were telling your English teacher tomorrow there was no way you were tutoring anymore. At least not him.
What an asshole. You couldn’t believe you were going to waste your time trying to help someone who just you like that.
You passed by the boys locker room and held your breath, as every time you walked by it smelt like body odor and too much cologne. You heard voices and you knew it was just the basketball team. They always had practice at 2:30-4:30, which meant their practice was just around over. And when they turned the corner, you were face to face with George and 2 of his other friends.
“Aye baby, you came to see me? I’m a little sweaty right now but that’s how we’ll be tonight anyways.” He said.
Your face twisted with disgust from both the smell and words of him. He’s gross.
“Get away.” You spoke. You were in no mood to have to deal with George and his crew.
“Come on girl you don’t wanna have a little fun?”he asked, grabbing your arm to pull you closer.
“George leave me alone.” You said, pushing him off of you. He suddenly became angry and grabbed both of your arms so you couldn’t go anywhere.
“What did you just say?”he asked. You weren’t scared. You knew he was trying to be cool in front of his little macho men. But you didn’t have your chance to defend yourself.
“She said leave her alone.” A deep voice spoke. George released his grip on you and you took the opportunity to take a step back before turning around. Ethan.
“Oh and look who we have here. Ethan Dolan. Look buddy you don’t scare me. You wanna fight, let’s go.” George said.
“Don’t. He’s just trying to instigate. That’s all he does.” You said, putting your arm in front of Grayson to stop him. You weren’t sure why George would want to fight Ethan. Ethan was at least five inches taller than him, and two times more muscular as well.
“Yeah listen to your little bitch. I just can’t wait until she’s face down on my bed as I’m fucking her until she passes out. Who’s bitch is she now?” George asked. Once again your face twisted with disgust but Ethan took this opportunity to lunge at George.
They went on the floor and Ethan was definitely winning until George’s 2 other friends jumped in and attacked Ethan as well. All you saw was Ethan practically throw them away from him and they got up, looking at Ethan. He stood up and the next thing you know they all ran away from him.
You watched Ethan slowly walk over to the lockers. He seemed to be in pain as you heard him groaning.
He turned around and slid his back down the lockers, closing his eyes as he landed on the floor. You started to walk away but stopped and turned back towards him. No matter how much you disliked someone, you hated seeing people in pain.
“You have to get up for me.” You spoke softly. “I can’t help you if you don’t stand.”
He grudgingly grabbed your hand and you helped him up with whatever strength you had. You had your arm around his strong, muscular back as you led him back into the school library. You knew there was a first aid kit somewhere in there that could help you clean Ethan’s cuts.
You got him settled on a chair as you fiddled around to find the first aid kit. Her office. It was definitely in her office. You went to open the door to her office but it was locked. Normally she would’ve been here, but since she was able to go home at 2:30 there was no need for her to be here at 4:18. You thought for a moment and had an idea.
You got the bobby pin that was holding a strand of your hair back out of your hair and held it in between your teeth to separate the flat side from the jetted side. Taking the flat side you slid it into the lock, wiggled it around a few times before hearing the familiar click. Turning the door handle once more you opened the door to the office and turned the lights on. You retrieved the first aid kit from her office and closed the door, making sure it was locked before going over to Ethan.
You studied his face for a moment to look at the cuts as your mind wandered. His lip was slightly cut open, but the bigger cut was from the side of his face where he looked like he was clawed.
“Not the good girl I would’ve imagined.” He spoke, referencing to the stunt you just pulled.
“You have a big scratch on the side.” You said disregarding his last comment. You began pouring hydrogen peroxide into a cotton pad to clean it.
“Yeah I know. Such a pussy he can’t even fight with his hands he has to use his nails.”
You frowned at the language he was using and he noticed, stopping what he was saying before sitting up straight. You pressed the cotton pad to the side of his face before he pulled away.
“Ow!!” He practically roared.
“Would you let me clean it?” You snapped.
“It hurts!”
“It’s only gonna hurt more if you keep moving!”
“This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t storm out.”
“And this wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t scare me out!” You almost yelled. He seemed taken aback by this, not knowing that you were more scared than angry. He still didn’t say anything and let you cleaned his cuts, his jaw clenching at the pain that lasted for 15 seconds.
After you cleaned it you went to put a tape over the cut so it didn’t get any bacteria into it but Ethan pulled his head away, indicating he didn’t want. You shook your head disagreeing with his choice but at this point you didn’t care.
You went to put the first aid kit under the cabinet and turned back around to see Ethan gone.
Whatever. Closing the library door, you walked out of the library and school before getting in your car.
Your phone buzzed as you were getting ready to go to sleep. You looked down to see your friend calling you.
“How was it?”she asked as you answered the phone.
Your head went back against the cushion as you shut your eyes.
“You don’t wanna know.”
You agreed to tutor Ethan again today. You had a feeling that you would be able to actually help him. And maybe you were crazy, but you had a feeling he would change his demeanor. It would just take time.
Today he wasn’t that late, and he didn’t sit that far away from you. Granted it wasn’t ideal to help him, but it was better than the last time.
You didn’t waste any time and opened up right to the same page you were on the previous day, page 14. You began to read it when Ethan cleared his throat.
“I uh- I just don’t get what this is saying.”
You looked up and saw his face, his eyes not dark and empty as they were before, but rather confused. Maybe that’s why he hated English, because he just didn’t get it. You slowly and hesitantly got up, waiting for him to protest you moving closer. But he didn’t, so you sat next to him.
“Here, let me show you the way I look at it.” You said, and started explaining what you grasped from it as simply as you could to Ethan. You tried to stay on topic about explaining the first part of the book to Ethan, but you couldn’t help yourself. You began to go off about the different love books and romance you read, connecting each one to this. You started talking about they way these love books affected the way you look at love and life in your eyes. You just went on and on, but you weren’t stopped once. Ethan listened to you intently and actually held on to every work you said.
“Oh my God I just spent 10 minutes rambling, I’m sorry.” You said, a slight blush starting to form on your cheeks as you looked down at the book.
Ethan shook his head, indicating he didn’t mine. “It’s fine. You actually helped me understand the book a little better.”
“Really?” You asked, a little too excited.
“Yeah.” You smiled, proud of yourself and started to read the book again as half a smile crept onto Ethan’s face.
To say the truth, Ethan was still completely lost. He understood what you said, but the book was still so confusing to him. How could these people do all this for some love? It sounded pathetic to him.
But you got so happy when he said you understood it, and the way you got shy when you went on a ramble made Ethan so intrigued. He didn’t have the heart to tell you he was still confused. He mentally cursed himself for lying to you, because as you read on he couldn’t tell you what was happening. But mostly because he was starting to change for you. He felt himself get butterflies in his stomach and wanted to punch them out of him, but he knew he couldn’t help it as much as he wanted to. So he looked at you, and then looked back at the reading. But his mind wasn’t focused on the reading, it was thinking about a million other things.
You were tutoring Ethan again today. The whole day you kept thinking about it, and you weren’t sure why.
Sure you weren’t.
Ethan opened the library doors and slid into the seat next to you.
“Hey.” He said, making you jump out of your seat. You had no idea he was there, because as per usual your head was buried into a book. He laughed as you rested your hand on your heart.
“Holy crap you scared me.”
“Holy crap?” he asked. “Have you ever said a curse word in your life?”
“I mean yeah I say them. But not a lot. Or ever for that matter. Only when I’m really mad.” He laughed again.
“You’ve been hanging out with old ladies too much.” You rolled your eyes and stuck your tongue out at him.
“First of all, I have other friends. And secondly, old people can be very cool. Mrs. Mulligan is my bro.”
He shook his head and put his head in his hands. “Oh my God don’t ever say that again.” You laughed as he joined you.
“Ok come on, we have to start reading,” You encouraged. He groaned but still opened the book to page 45. Making great progress here.
You started reading and thought everything was going fine until Ethan abruptly stopped you.
“Ok I’m sorry but I’m really lost.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me where I lost you.”
But he didn’t give you a specific answer. He looked down before looking at you again.
“I never got this. I just said I did because I didn’t think you’d be able to understand.” He fiddled with his fingers and you looked intently at him. You felt bad. Clearly he wanted to understand this, he just wasn’t getting it for whatever reason. You wanted to help him.
“Talk to me Ethan. You know what?” You asked, sliding the books to the edge of the table before it crashed on the floor.
“What-” he started to ask before you cut him off.
“Who cares about this project right now. Ethan this could be the key to me helping you. Please, just, talk to me.” You practically begged. He looked down and sighed before looking back up.
“I never felt loved before. I never felt like I was wanted or needed. Even in my family. My parents could give two shits about me. They care more for my brother and sister than me. I mean they’ve always considered me to be so independent and everything but maybe I don’t want that all the time. I guess I don’t understand these books in English because they’re all love books and I never felt like I’ve really been loved in a while.”
He finished his speech by looking at you. You looked up and searched in his eyes. You searched for that cold expression you’ve seen many times.
But you didn’t see that. You saw a gentle, truthful brightness that came from his eyes.
“So you understand the books that have to do with drama more than love?” You asked.
“Yeah. But when have we done that? Never. So annoying he chooses these stupid romance books so he thinks he has a chance at his relationship.” He scoffed, referring to our teacher. You frowned.
“I don’t get it. How do you understand love so well? You don’t have a boyfriend.” He asked.
“Uh how would you know that?” You asked, defensive.
“Oh right I forgot, George.” He joked, a soft smirk forming.
“Ugh. He disgusts me.” You said.
“Why is he so obsessed with you?” He asked. You shook your head not knowing the answer to his question.
“I couldn’t answer that because I have no clue. I mean there’s nothing in me that he couldn’t get from any other girl in this school.” Ethan opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.
“He hasn’t bothered me since that day you chased him away.” You said. “Which reminds me, I never got to thank you. For you know, making him leave me alone.” You said.
He simply shook his head, as if it was no big deal.
“I never got to apologize. I’m sorry for scaring you out that day and throwing your book. I never meant to make you scared. I’m just so used to people running away from me instead of trying to help.” He said, looking down. He almost seemed embarrassed.
You went to put your hands over his, but you stopped. Instead you took one hand and grabbed one of his. He looked up and you saw his eyes move down to the lower part of your face before looking back into your eyes.
“You know I’m always here to help you, right? Let’s start from the beginning,” you guided him and went to the other end of the table to pick up the book that had fallen off the table.
That had started the almost daily occurrence of the library meet up. Every day at around 2:30, the library would be empty besides you, him and Mrs. Mulligan.
It became easier for you guys to become closer. Spending almost every day with each other, you were only bound to develop feelings neither of you knew about.
You were also able to discover that part of him that he had never shown the anyone. The loving, caring and soft part of him. He hated to show that side to anyone, but around you it was so easy. He didn’t want to scare you away because he wouldn’t know what to do with himself.
Now it’s Friday, and you’re both sitting there finishing up the last chapter of the book.
“Thank god this is the last chapter,” Ethan spoke suddenly, interrupting your inner voice reading the words on the page.
“Why? Sick of this love book?” You teased. He looked at you and frowned, disagreeing with your statement.
“Not quite. I’m just sick of Mr. Alceri trying to relate it back to his pathetic love life,” he remarked. You couldn’t help but to let out a soft scoff, slightly laughing.
He was actually sad this book was ending because he didn’t know what it meant for you both. Although it was the end of the book, he was praying for a beginning of something great.
At the last tutor session for the book, you put some classical music on your phone.
Ethan looked at you like you were crazy. “What? It helps me relax!” You exclaimed. He laughed and shook his head.
You got up from your chair and he looked at you again.
“This makes me want to dance.” You said, extending your hand out for him to grab.
“I don’t dance.” He said, rather sternly.
“Come on, everyone dances!” You exclaimed, grabbing his hand and attempting to pull him out of his chair. He stayed put for a while as you struggled to make him stand. You finally stopped and stared at him, silently pleading. He saw those big, bright puppy eyes and he knew he couldn’t say no. He reluctantly got up slowly out of his chair and you nearly squealed in excitement. He chuckled a little, amused at how excited you got.
You waited a moment to hear the music and the beat it was on. Finally you were able to grab his hands to start to dance to the music.
He stared at you before going along with your movements. He was so gentle. You were so small compared to him he was afraid he’d break you. His hand covered a majority of your back as he softly placed his hand there, and the other in your hand as you both held it out.
You danced to the slow beat peacefully, as if there was no rush and you had nowhere to be. As if time stopped for the both of you to have this moment. You were quite impressed with his dancing. It seemed to come to easily for him. He could say the same for you.
“I learned to dance when I was 8. My father taught me so I wouldn’t be embarrassed at the Father-Daughter Dance.” You said. He laughed before starting his story.
“I never really learned,” he began. “I remember just always wanting to dance. Just comes naturally I guess.”
You could definitely agree with that. He seemed to do it to effortlessly you were swept off your feet, both figuratively and literally.
A slight giggle escaped your lips as he spun you around, his arm tight around your waist while your legs dangled in the air, hair whipping around your face due to the fast twirl.
He watched your face. Studied your face. He always waited to see that radiant smile you gave. He watched the ways your eyes would change, the way they almost grew and got brighter as you would both read the same love story you’ve been reading for the past month. He watched that love story turn into real life. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew.
He knew the day you didn’t show up to the tutoring at the library. You never got sick. Maybe once every two years. But you somehow ended up being so sick you couldn’t get out of bed to go to school.
Your head was killing you, you had the heat chills you didn’t eat for 2 days, you threw up God knows how many times. Your dad was debating on bringing you to the hospital.
The funny part was you had never missed a day of school before, but you were so sick you couldn’t formulate a thought in your head to let Ethan or Mrs. Mulligan know ahead of time.
Ethan remembers walking into the library, expecting to see you sitting there, already taking a sneak peek at the chapter you were supposed to read together. But the table was empty.
Maybe she’s running late, he thought. But you got out earlier than him, that’s why you were always waiting for him.
“She’s not here. Her dad emailed all her teachers. She’s quite sick .” Mrs. Mulligan was shocked herself and a bit worried, but the email from your dad calmed her down. However Ethan, not so much.
His face showed expressions of being worried and sad. He didn’t realize the effect of seeing her every day. She became the one thing he looked forward to seeing. He could feel himself smiling and his heartbeat getting fast every time he thought of her.
He wanted nothing more than to go see you and make sure you were ok. To drive you your house and stay there and see your face and just be there for you. But reality kicked in, and he realized that was so unrealistic.
“You care for the girl, don’t you?” Mrs.Mulligan asked.
“More than anything.” He replied quickly. He didn’t have to think about it. He loved you. And everyone could see it. Mrs.Mulligan nudged him a bit and he looked down to look at her.
“What are you waiting for? You don’t get any younger boy.”
He dropped you out of the air so your feet were on the ground again, his hands still securely on your waist. Your hands were resting on his bulging biceps, much bigger and muscular than you would’ve thought.
“I love you.” His eyes scanned yours back and forth as he breathing almost stopped.
You were fearless. You weren’t afraid to say what you’ve been wanting to say for the past few weeks. You looked deep into his eyes, those bright eyes that attracted you since the first time you really looked at him.
Your heart was beating fast but you didn’t waste any time.
“I love you too.” You could’ve sworn he released a breath he was holding.
“I’ve waited my whole life to hear that.”
And that was all you needed before you kissed. You felt the same gentleness, caring, and loving that was there even when this all started.
Because one day, you’ll change. Some change for the better, others for the worse. But you’ll meet the thing or person that changes you forever. Ethan met his change in his life, and no one has ever seen him quite like this.
He went from this dark, mysterious creature to one of the most loved people in a heartbeat. And all it took was a time.
A tale as old as time.
Song as old as rhyme.
Beauty and the beast.
#ethan dolan#ethan dolan imagine#ethan dolan smut#ethan dolan blurb#grayson dolan#grayson dolan imagine#grayson dolan smut#grayson dolan blurb#grayson bailey dolan#dolan#dolan twins#dolantwins#fanfic
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Rest in Peace: Chapter Fourteen
Title: Rest In Peace
Chapter: 14
Summary: A part of Faithless Fairy Tale, a more in depth look at how they brought Laura back to life. Appearance of old faces, creation of new ones and if you’re looking for canon, it left a long, long time ago. If you squint you might be able to see some pieces from the book.
“As the Bacchae knew, we always tear our Gods to bits, and eat the bits we like.” -Adam Gopnik
+
Laura would spit fire if she could.
“How,” It's not even a question, she's too mad for it to be anything but a wanton demand of a child. “Please tell me where the fuck are the directions on that, cause so far, no one seems to know and google isn't bringing anything up.”
For her credit, Isis doesn't look offended as she should at Laura's indignant rage. Instead she leans back and seemingly thinks long and hard about her next words as Laura moves to pace the room.
“You have already started the process.” Isis points out, “When I touched you, that was just a bit of light that was already in you. Not a lot, admittedly but it was there. Whatever you've been doing to foster that, I suggest keep doing it.”
Laura cuts a look at Sweeney. He looks ready to throw himself out the nearest window. She almost wants him to try so she could have a reason to throttle him.
“And If I said whatever that was...was dangerous?” Laura starts and Sweeney stills.
Isis raises a brow, “I would question if your life wasn't worth it.”
Fuck.
Laura sits down. This time, nearer to the leprechaun than the goddess. After a long, silent moment, she ends up elbowing Sweeney in the side. Forcing him to squawk and swear like a too tall chicken who just had their feathers pulled out.
“Fuck you, Dead Girl!”
“Tell her!”
“I repeat, Fuck you!”
Laura’s features twist in anger and so she twists his flesh between her fingers.
“FUCK!”
“Tell her or I will personally make you the first man in the world to be sent to the emergency room for a purple nurple!”
“Fine!” Mad Sweeney huffs, obviously knowing she wasn't kidding. He takes a deep breath, nervously pats his thighs and then sadly attempts to pretend this isn't a big deal. Fooling absolutely no one. “I...that is to say...We entered a sort of deal with the other, yea?”
“Well, that doesn't sound shady as fuck.” Laura whispers sarcastically mainly to herself, before addressing Isis. “I figured if I gave him a boost belief, it would in a round about way make the coin stronger. In turn making me last a little longer in the world until he could find someone to bring me back. Payment would be that I would be a full time lucky charms pusher. Spread the word, write a book or a blog. New faith without the new gods.”
“Except, the words you used were, If you believe in me, I'll believe in you.”
Isis makes a small noise of smothered laughter. “Oh.”
“Oh what?” Laura needles, but Isis isn't looking at her. She's looking over to Mad Sweeney who has all but curled up on himself. Crossing his arms across his chest and slouching so far down that his stupidly long legs hit the edge of the end table before them.
The longer Isis stares, the more fidgety Sweeney gets.
Laura begins to get nervous. “He said it connected us. Two sides of the same coin, believer and belief.”
“He isn't wrong, but that's when he assumed that coin was his magic and his magic alone. He wouldn't have any idea that it was any other way would he? That it was your power awakening, transferring and building on his luck. Only that it isn't just luck and…let me guess, that the bond is already proving to be stronger than anticipated?” Isis questions sweetly at the leprechaun and Mad Sweeney’s shoulders twitch and then like lightning the answer becomes clear to her and only her, “Ohhhh.”
“I wish you'd stop making that damned noise.” Sweeney bitches, shoulders practically past his ears.
Isis ignores him and gives Laura her attention, “It's a dangerous thing, bringing back the dead. Involves a lot of...work, not just faith.” She says the word with an implied tone of importance. “Power a part of it, will another. Just like a body is made up of a complicated set of inter-working organs, the spirit is much of the same. I am not as strong as I used to be, I can not fill and replace all the parts you have lost and need, Laura. Not by myself, the only person who can is you. Still,” Isis gives her a blinding smile.“ I can help, if you'd like. You just have to trust me a little.”
Laura does not trust that smile, but she finds herself nodding.
+
“It will cost you.” Isis says after Laura agrees to give whatever the Goddess has in mind a try. They are moving on from above the casino. Now on their way into the belly of the building, under the hard earth to places she never knew existed when she worked here. It's not a maze, but it's long winding tunnels of hallways do not make it easy to traverse unless you know where you are going. So Mad Sweeney and Laura stick close to the small woman.
“I'm willing to pay whatever you want.” Laura bluntly admits, and Sweeney glares down at her.
Those are pretty dumb words to promise around gods, after all.
“It is not me you'll be paying.” Isis points out, just a tad gleeful. “I think you still work under the impression that things happen without a reason.”
Laura crosses her arms, “Sometimes things do.”
“No, not every single thing comes about due to godly intervention. A lot of it is just the natural order and chaos of the world fighting for bites of the same bone but there is always a reason, be it kind or cruel. Bad or good, for life or death. There is, as your tall friend said, two sides of the coin when it comes to anything in this universe. And the universe needs a bit of order, just as much as it needs a bit of chaos to keep going after all, but if you are clever enough to know how both work, you can use it to give you what you want.”
“You have to play the game to get a chance to win.” Sweeney gruffly replies, as they turn a corner to another long stretch of hall way. No windows or doors, for what seems like miles. This far deep, it feels like they are taking a stroll right into hell. “My coin, is what has been helpin' her to win so far then?”
Isis nods, “Helping, but it isn't going to bring her back on it's own, there are limits. We need something bigger, and the universe will not give you life for nothing, it will want it's pound of flesh and if you aren't careful...it will take more than that.”
Laura frowns, feels like she is hearing the equivalent of fine print. “I don't mind paying, like I said. Whatever this stupid universe wants, that it hasn't already taken, it can have. Just as long as it isn't me on my hands and knees married to Jesus or something.”
Mad Sweeney snorts deliberately in Laura's direction, and she finds herself making a pinching motion towards him as a threat to keep him from speaking. Whatever stupid little comment he wants to make, he can keep buried.
“It's about balance.” Isis says in finality on the subject as their journey comes to an end, leading them into a large ballroom of white marble. It holds no decoration, no elaborate lighting but it's otherworldly in it's shadowed brightness. Isis allows them a moment to take it in, hands on hips as she looks up. There in the distance above them, is a glass ceiling, framing the moon. In the daylight, Laura imagines it is even more impressive.
Across the room, awaits a familiar face.
“Yo.” Laura greets the god of death. Anubis frowns at her lack of respect but gestures with his head a small nod of sorts.
“Laura Moon.”
“McCabe, actually. You and your brother's did top notch work but it still couldn't keep my marriage alive.”
For his credit, the god of death seems to acknowledge his misdoings. Managing to look both apologetic at her and then pointedly at Mad Sweeney, “Not every man can handle death easily.”
“Oi, don't be lookin' at me like that, death breath.” Sweeney snaps, irritated but it is mostly because of his new nervous state of being. This is dangerous game after all, with big bad gods of old, the kind even Odin was careful not to fuck with. “I ain't exactly been happy to deal with her, and her smell of rot up my nose.”
“Fuck you.” Laura squeezes in before Anubis also replies with a, “Yes, we will have to deal with that.” at the same time. Making Isis chuckle and sweep her way over to him. Slipping her hand in his, making Anubis tilts his attention back down to her.
Standing next to each other, they look nothing alike. Not like Horus did to her, but there is enough love in Anubis's gaze that it's not even a question that he does so like a son would a mother.
“We need to prepare her body, Nephthys is back and will assist you.” Isis says, and if he's offended by the demand, he doesn't show it. “Laura, if you would. Please follow Anubis. Mad Sweeney, come with me?” She gestures on wards to another seating area. This time far more lavish, in thick pillowed low couches and soft surfaces of every kind littered about. It looked like a set of a roman orgy, minus all the players.
For his worth, Mad Sweeney doesn't automatically sit down, first he glances at the dead girl and waits patiently. He hasn't forgotten her words from earlier, when he tried to obey Isis by leaving her. This time, Laura seems to have accepted their parted ways.
“Don't do anything to fuck this up for me, Ginger minge.”
“Make sure they remove all the maggots, Dead girl.”
Laura flips him the bird, and he watches her walk away.
>
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50 Questions Tag!
@jongin-be-my-jagi tagged me for this a while ago, but I took my sweet time to answer. Here is my secret intel if you want to know me a little bit more!!
Check hers as well, she’s an amazing writer and friend.
1. What takes up too much of your time?
Tumblr, my stupid procrastination prone brain and my thesis.
2. What makes your day better?
Friends and loved ones, music and these absolute dorks (Channie especially)
3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?
I hopped on the mat today in the early hours of the morning, rain on my window and the neighbours cat peeking at me from his window across the street.
4. What fictional place would you like to go to?
Wonderland, bacause it’s “curiouser and curiouser!”
'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.
Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
5. Are you good at giving advice?
I think so. Not so good at following my own advice though.
I do always consider where the other is standing and if I don’t know how to proceed then I’ll just be honest and say I can’t help. But i’ll always listen with my heart.
6. Do you have any mental illnesses?
Not diagnosed. I do think i might be going through something now.
7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?
No, but i have a recurring nightmare: the world is made of black and white paper thin layers. I am a paper thin person walking along a street surrounded by paper thin buildings. I walk for a long time, looking up at the white sky. Until the street ends, there is no more building and i fall into the abyss of a blank page.
I have had this dream since the age of 8 or 9 years old.
Fear of not being good enough, you say?! Ding, ding, ding!! We got a winner in the back!
8. What musician inspired you the most?
I get inspired by music all the time!! One of my all time favourite songs is Spanish Sahara by Foals. Its sublime!
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So I’d say I’m mainly inspired by these artists: Queen, Arctic Monkeys, Foals, Radiohead, Bowie, Daughter, Bob Dylan, Beirut, Yeah yeah yeahs, Arcade Fire, The National, Joy Division, Blur, Warpaint, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, Chet Baker, The Cure, Courtney Barnett, The Maccabees, Car Seat Headrest, Florence + The Machine, Editors, Kasabian, Crystal Fighters, Death Cab for a cutie, The Doors, Efterklang, Explosions in the Sky, Franz Ferdinand, The Horrors, James Blake, José Gonzalez, Los Campesinos!, Metronomy, Nick Cave, Nina Simone, Patrick Watson, Phoenix, Sharon Van Etten, The Shins, Simon & Garfunkel, The Smiths, St.Vincent, The Strokes, Toro y Moi, tricot, Tune-Yards, TV on the radio, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend, The Velvet Underground, The War on Drugs, Wild Beasts and Yo La Tengo.
And the electro, pop and hip-hop groves of my heart: EXO, 2NE1, Janelle Monáe, Big Bang, Kris Wu,LCD soundsystem, SBTRKT, Childish Gambino, Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar and Daft Punk.
And special mentions to the portuguese ones (learning from yixing and promoting when i can :P): Capicua, Joana Espadinha, The Legendary Tigerman, Linda Martini, Mayra Andrade, Noiserv, Ornatos Violeta, Paus, Samuel Uria, You Can’t Win Charlie Brown and The Silence 4.
I know, tldr right? Sorry folks!
9. Have you ever fallen in love?
Yes I have. I have mistaken a crush for love too. But i have definitely been very deeply in love. A wrecked kintsugi heart over here people!
10. What’s your dream date?
I don’t think I have one. I’d love to do something unique with that someone special, something special for the two of us. It could be as simple as riding the subway while sharing earphones & listening to our playlist or walking the dogs out! Idk, I’m easy to please.
But right now it would have to be with this handsome man :D pretty please?!
11. What do others notice about you?
I am very kind and warm hearted, so I think that’s what people first notice when meeting me. Although I maintain good eye contact, I am also timid and will be quieter if there are very energetic people in the group. When alone, I usually take the first step and try to meet people, but only if i really must.
12. What’s an annoying habit you have?
It’s really hard for me to ask for help. I also like to tell detailed descriptions of everything... Couldn’t you tell?
13. Do you still talk to your first love?
I’ll text him on his birthday and he does the same to me. We met when we were 10 years old and that childhood friendship remains. But regarding my one and truly deep relationship, no we do not talk, unless we randomly meet.
14. How many exes do you have?
I have three exes. The first love who was just an idealized crush on my childhood friend: we dated for 2 weeks during summer break xD Then my first real boyfriend, we met in my first year at university, dated for quite some time, he really loved me and made me love myself a little more. Finally the one i loved too much. I mended his wounds and made him love himself as much as I did.
I always say all the love we feel makes our hearts grow bigger. I do not regret loving any of them, I am me now due to them and I would not change it if I could.
15. How many songs are in your playlist?
I have way too many playlists for each and every mood... But my favourite songs list on spotify has about 1500 songs! uwu!
16. What instruments can you play?
Triangles and flute?! I had mandatory music classes in school... so in reality I can’t really play a instrument...
17. Who do you have the most pictures of?
Probably my cat, Sushi. With a second close of my doodles and sketches.
18. Where would you like to go before you die?
EVERY WHERE!!! But I really want to go to Japan and Scotland and Iceland and South Korea and New Zealand and i’ll shut up.
19. What’s your zodiac?
Capricorn.
20. Do you relate to it?
Sort of.
21. What is happiness to you?
You know when it’s really cold outside in the winter and you manage to find a sheltered place where no wind can hit you and you still get to feel the warm rays of the winter suns on your skin? You hear the birds outside and you are contempt in that moment, at peace. That is happiness to me.
22. Are you going through anything right now?
Yes, I am a bit lost. Trying to finish my thesis and trying to find what I want to do after. It’s liberating but also pretty scary.
23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?
It’s a series of small decisions really. It started with going for a phd with the same people i worked in my msc. Should have gone to a different place. Then deciding to come home after a traumatic loss in the family. Should have kept my life going but I stalled it then. (I don’t regret helping my loved ones though).
24. What’s your favourite store?
Probably Wishtrend for beauty stuff. Other than that I don’t have any favourite brands/stores.
25. (HALFWAY!) What’s your opinion on abortion?
I think everyone is free to decide what they want or need to do. I couldn’t possible judge. If I would it? Probably not.
27. Do you have a favourite album?
I don’t think so, I have favourite tunes for different moods and moments in my life. But if threatened with my life, I’d maybe say Total Life Forever from Foals.
28. What do you want for your birthday?
It’s such a long time until my birthday comes! But maybe a real EXO ot9 reunion as a goodbye to Minseok?
29. What is most people’s first impression of you?
Friendly and easy to open up to, i think.
30. What age do you seem according to most people?
In real life, people usually think I am way younger than I am.
31. Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping?
In the crook of my bed, between the mattress and the bed frame.
32. What word do you say the most?
No idea really!
33. What’s the oldest age you’d date?
40s? I don’t think too much about age actually.
34. What’s the youngest age you’d date?
20s? Again not very important to me. Love is love, whomever, whenever and wherever <3
35. What job / career do most people say would suit you?
I don’t know! People always say i don’t totally fit in anything... so there’s that. If you have an idea please let me know!
36. What’s your favourite music genre?
Go back to question 8. I listen to everything! :D
37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be?
I’d like to live around the world, every few months a different place and get to know different cultures.
38. What is your current favourite song?
I’ve been obsessed with RM’s intro/teaser song, Map of the Soul: Persona.
(I’m not even a bts fan, but this music and lyrics just touched me a lot.)
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39. How long have you had this blog for?
I think for about 6 years? It’s my personal space, where I dump all my obsessions.
40. What are you excited for?
I’m visiting some friends in Granada in a couple of weeks. Yay, tapas!
41. Are you a better talker or listener?
Normally I am a better listener. But there are a few people to whom i open like a book. Either words flow right out of me without even thinking or they see throw me. Those truly are my people.
42. What is the last productive thing you did?
Prepped meals and cleaned the kitchen. Open the folder and file of my thesis. Read the latest chapter I wrote.
43. What do you want for Christmas?
Well, just like for my birthday, there is still such a long time to it! But let’s say i want to have already finish this part of my life and want to find my next adventure.
44. What class do you get the best grades in?
No more exams! Ehehe! But I used to have good grades at everything. Physical Education was my lowest mark i think.
45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now?
Right now, a 4? I have a headache.
46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?
Smiling? :D I want to be happy in my own skin. To feel contempt in my life, doing something that gives me a sense of purpose and having time to share and enjoy with my friends and family.
47. When did you get your first heartbreak?
Oh my kintsugi heart has been broken quiet a lot. By friends and lovers and even by myself. I keep patching it up with gold dreams though.
48. At what age do you wanna be married?
I will only want to be married if i find the one. So until then I guess.
49. What career did you want to have as a child?
I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina. Preferably both!
50. What do you crave right now?
Just sitting somewhere and listening to Yeol play the guitar.
Well i finished it! :D
I’ll tag @thedeviousdo @ohsenhun @hongseok and @paepsi. I’d love to read yours! Feel free to dismiss it though, it is quite a lot.
Lots of love everyone!! <3 <3 <3
#50 questions tag#personal#sam's ramblings#mutuals#hope you enjoy reading about boring old me :)#it's very long i know! i talk too much
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soft bias tag!
tagged by @xalichan OMG I LUV U
1) who is my bias? johnny seo of course
2) what made you notice him? i was watching a video, the one with lucas yuta ten and winwin, yuta said johnny was the scariest member (i didn't know who johnny was bc i was just getting into nct) and then lucas did that stupid interpretation. the following day, i was at school and i asked my best friend to kinda teach me the names of the members and i kept saying “is he johnny?” “nope” UNTIL SHE SAID YES HE’S and nothing, from that moment i started stannig him
3) what’s your favorite thing about him? mmmmh i love how he tries to be cool and sexy and cute but then he gets all shy and covers his face, i love the way he smiles and the fact that he’s loud and always jokes. i see him as an optimist person, who is always able to cheer others up and i love that
4) who would initiate skinship more? idk, probably him. i’m too shy and he’s definitely more romantic than me.
5) who would hog blankets more? definitely me LOL. i move a lot and i have to be covered while sleeping, it’s kind an obsession i got when i was little.
6) who would be more clingy? mmh im not a clingy person bc i want my freedom so i tend to give it to my partner, but YO HAVE YOU SEEN HIM HE’S TOO BEAUTIFUL just kidding, probably neither of the two
7) who would say “i love you” first? probably him, i have to be sure of what i feel before saying it and i need my time
8) who would be more easily flustered? ME LOL
9) what cuddling position would you two have? help. like my head on his chest ALWAYS, him the big spoon and me the little and other dont make me think about them bc then i cry
10) which colors remind you of them and why? black, bc of cherry bomb and good thing (he was way too sexy) and when he wears black pants HELP
11) which season would you like to spend with them? definitely spring and winter, i love both cold and moderate weather
12) who would bake cookies and who would steal the batter? definitely him baking I CANT COOK and i would steal batter bc i always do that cause i can't stay in the kitchen without eating
13) which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react? BOTH. i always make bad puns im seriously funny (my best friend would have something to say but dont mind her), but also him, everybody know) and i would smile like an idiot bc they are his puns and he will always be funny
14) who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats? probably both but only dogs, i have bad experience with cats
15) which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue? LOL DEFINITELY ME I BURNT POPCORNS ONCE IN THE MICROWAVE and of course johnny the mountain would come to rescue me, probably while saying stupid stuff
16) who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back? me leaning over trail railings unconsciously, i usually do stupid things without thinking about them
17) what would watching a horror film with them be like? I DONT LIKE HORROR FILM I GET TOO SCARED AND IMPRESSED but i can put my face on his chest and i won't see them so PERFECT
18) who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt? johnny is the romantic one and he can flirt way better than me, i get too embarrassed
19) who is more competitive? me, i can bet on everything and i want to win, i can make a challenge out of everything
20) who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget your keys, etc.) DEFINITELY ME I FORGET EVERYTHING, LITERALLY, E V E R Y T H I N G
21) who sends memes and who sends cute “i miss you” texts at 3am? i think both johnny, i dont send cute messages, but it always depends on the situation and on the relationship BUT we already know he’s romantic and funny so probably him
lol this was SUPER HARD but anyway i had so much fun doing this BUT now im crying bc i imagined a relationship i will NEVER HAVE. as usual, idk who to tag lol @yuta-the-mountain-man @youngseongjin and EVERYONE luv u sorry it’s embarrassing
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All the Hogwarts Mystery asks 🤗
1. Did you use your real Last Name in the game or not? Why?
yeah, well–i used jay, but I used my real last name lol
2. Which house did you take and why? (Any back stories why you took it?)
I chose Ravenclaw!~ I mainly chose it because I am a Ravenclaw in like…every quiz I’ve ever taken? thats a lie I’ve gotten slytherin before a couple times
3. Opinion on Rowan?
they’re just a pure lil ravenclaw like they were made for ravenclaw idk why they didn’t keep them in ravenclaw but anywho~ i adore them–i mean, they’re a lil nerd and a bit lame in what they think is ‘cool’ but i still love em
4. Favourite character so far and why?
hmmm idk i mean, everyone is in love with penny or bill but i’m just meh on it all…i love good ol’ minnie the most, probably lol (I can’t spell her name I’m dumb I know shhhhh)
5. Who did you take with you on the first adventure to discover what’s behind the door and why? (Did you take Penny or Ben. And if you haven’t come that far, who do you plan to take along with?)
I took Ben because I didn’t have enough friendship for Penny UnU
6. Which character are you most excited to meet in the game? (This can be characters that haven’t appeared in your friend list, for example Charlie Weasley)
Tonks, probably~ Or even the twins, who are supposed to come in your seventh year
7. Have you heard any theories about the game? If so, which one?
Nope!
8. Opinion on Merula?
uUuuuuuuUUUuuggggh just malfoy as a girl tbh like so in love with my character but so repressed… she’s pretty annoying tho too, sometimes like gurl just leave me alone and let me solve this mystery–OR help me solve it since you want to figure it out so bad like bruv chill… also, that hair? what is it? why do you have one streak?
9. Favourite teacher?
I love McG the mostest even if i can’t spell her name flitwick is a close second tho
10. What do you think about your Prefect?
fucking annoying ass chester that motherfucker i fucking hate him omfg i wanna sock him in the face always fucking ‘didn’t lose more house points did you?’ ‘you haven’t gotten in trouble recently, i’m impressed’ like bITCH get on my level i’ve got the house up 60 points over the second place house BY MYSELF like brooooo i’ve earned over 200 points this year alone and i’m only half way through second year bUT NO, I LOSE 40 POINTS ONCE AND NOW I’M A TROUBLE MAKER, fuck you chester you lil shit. cursing slytherins when they’re not paying attention ass, not doing shit for the house ass, always on my ass ass… also, making me feel bad for not being able to volunteer for that slytherin altercation side quest, fuck yooooouuuu
so yeah. that’s what i feel for my male prefect. never met my female one yet.
edit: I was being nice. I got us 93 points ahead of the second place gryffindors.
11. Do you care about your brother Jacob? Why?
idk I guess I do? I just think ‘what if it were renee/ray/my other siblings’ and i’m like i would be surprised they did this bec they’re all fuckin introverts and not really ambitious enough to try find something enough to break rules? so it’s like…eeeehhhhhh i try to care but I’m more interested in like, being at hogwarts tbh
12. Are you more interested about Vaults or what happened to your brother?
probably what happened to my brother, because like…it drove him mad? what did it? watch, the vaults are just gonna be some stupid thing like the philosophers stone or s.t that’ll get moved at the end and that’s why the cursed vaults were never brought up in the books xD
13. Hogwarts Mystery or The Cursed Child? Best story so far?
I never read the cursed child bec fuck that. i’m not reading about a kid named albus severus like lmaooo
14. Any ideas what can have happened to your brother?
nope! merula says she knows but she’s not telling like the lil bitch she is. says he hasn’t got much time now so like??????????? is he dying?????
15. What do you hope you will get to do in the game?
uh romance people and actually fly around and duel more and actually get to befriend people without having to do stupid side quests like bruv
16. There is a lot negative about the energy bar, can you give something else about the game that you think is really positive? Can be anything!
you get to go to hogwarts, what’s the big issue? stop complaining about shit yo like have you tried other energy based games? shits ridiculous, especially in the money grubbing ones like kim k’s or even in the idol ones or those otome games like goddamn they’re expensive once you start hitting higher levels because you’ll end up needing gems and shit to refill your energy, meanwhile this one is every hour 50 you get a full bar again
17. Some stuff have appeared in the game that they never had in the movies, what are you happy have appeared in the game?
peeves is cool. you get an energy from tapping on him. also, depending on which house you choose, you get to see what they look like…also also you get to go to different areas that weren’t in the movie like filch’s office and shit, also hogsmeade is available in third year so i’m excited for that
oh, also! spells! like spongify seems like i’d use it all the time bec squish
18. Can you think of a song that suit to the story?
do you believe in magic
lol jokes idk not off the top of my head
19. How has the game affect your life? (is it hard to play because you’re at school/job? Has it affect your sleep schedule? Affect your phone?)
it really hasn’t affected me in any way other than having a new game on my phones? idk i guess it does take some time outta my life but i usually stick to 1 hour missions because that usually depletes my energy for two hours but i get like 40 attribute points or 1000 coins because i force reset the app when i get rewards so it takes maybe 20 minutes a mission?
20. How many have you told about the game?
i saw the tweet about it and went BOI, screenshot it and sent it to my sibs group chat and was all ‘fi you think i didn’t download this immediately’ and then showed my neph tex it when he asked what i was playing and he downloaded it and apparently my bro-in-law has it but idgaf about that but anyway yeah…
21. Who do you think Barnaby Lee is and what do you think he has purpose in the game?
i think he’s bae tbh
lol fuck watch it being my brother using polyjuice to try find the vaults again aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh
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Day 6: Sidekick
Due to a horrible thing called “work”, I forgot to post this part for day 6 in Eustass Kid Week.
Takes place in Young Justice AU, because I want to depict Kid in his younger days. so enjoy my lateness~~
Planet Rimbor was not the most pleasant planet to live in, not even to visit or to transit. If you think earth is shit, well, you’ll hate Rimbor deep to your core. It’s not only smaller and denser, but it’s also dirtier─both figuratively and literally. Your eyes will be filled with intergalactic trashes once you stepped out of your space ship, your smelling sense will be stuffed with the smell of piss from thousands of creatures who came here to sell or buy illegal, smuggled, and stolen stuffs across the galaxy. And to top of it all, you will also see the face of disgusting criminals / smugglers whom mostly are as filthy as their reputation.
But not today. Rimbor was way cleaner today, and the ugly smugglers spaceship was nowhere to be seen too. Instead, the port was filled with combat, if not a military spaceship with impressive weaponry─the ones designed to strike fear to their prey / enemy in the first glance.
Kid grinned in excitement. He always liked Intergalactic Conference. Not because it allowed him to see such impressive machines up close, but he also got to prank the heroes / Intergalactic Police who came as well. Chasing and fighting bad guys are one thing, but poking fun those so called heroes were always way, way thrilling than anything else. And more importantly, those self-righteous retards were easier to provoke.
In fact, he had pranked two heroes who came from other galaxy, which Kid knew took two trips into the space wrap to get here. He invoked their already nauseous state, causing them to puke all over their pants. It was so hilarious, Kid couldn’t help but laughing hysterically in the corner where he hide. He’s not a coward, but he rather not get caught or chased away while there are so many more heroes he could pull a prank to.
He grinned in pure joy when his eyes caught glimpse of a man in white shirt with red spots all over, beige trousers, and a black, heavy fur coat hanging on his shoulders. That man is so tall, so white, and so gracious while he walked out of his energy-manifested spaceship. No doubt a spaceship made of his power ring. The man wore a purple pair of glasses, and his right hand wields white power staff, shining in the glory of the stars.
“Oh, finally. The hippie showed up,” Kid chuckled evilly to himself. He’s familiar with this one. That guy was from earth too, and only joined the Indigo Tribe a few years back. He was basically a home hero before he got called to join the Intergalactic mission with the Good Lantern Corps. Kid can’t remember which color is the good ones and which color is the bad, but he knew exactly that a space hippie whom obtained their power from compassion is absolutely the good guy. “Heh, let’s see how much compassion he will show now,” he giggled as he raise his arm, focusing his magnetic power to move a piece of metal junk towards the guy’s way.
As he predicted, the guy stumbled and fell face first. But before his face actually hit the ground, another guy jumped out of the glowing white spaceship, pulling the guy’s shirt just in time to stop him from actually falling. Even though he was a lot smaller, with one of his hand alone he seem to be able to hold that weight of the taller man. With his other hand, the little tanned boy flipped Kid off, directly to the corner where he sat and enjoyed the view.
Kid sniffed, not keen on someone interrupting his prank from succeeding, but is amused either way.
The Indigo Guy finally stood and laughed, patting the raven haired boy’s head and muttering something that could be caught as “thank you” from afar. Even though Kid had stayed in Rimbor for a year, he would still be able to read his mother language from any mouth anytime.
Knowing that he would be pulled by the energy power anyway, Kid leaped closer to his victim. “Yoo, interstellar hippes,” he greeted with full Cheshire grin. “Sorry about that. My hand slipped.”
The Indigo guy (Rocinante, as he remembered), of course forgive him instantly. Not even minding Kid’s cheeky expression. He muttered about ‘thanking Law here who saved me from major nosebleeding’. Then laughing nonchalantly as if he didn’t know that Kid was the one who almost caused him that major nosebleeding. Or, maybe he just didn’t realize it. Kid have always heard that even though Rocinante is a great law enforcer, he is too clumsy and perhaps if Kid didn’t put the metal junk on his way, he would fall anyway.
But well, compassionate, forgiving guy was never attractive to Kid. So instead, he shifted his focus to the sour-looking boy behind Rocinante. His steel grey eyes bore a hole in Kid’s skull, to the point that Kid was sure that he would have died if this tan-skinned boy is a Kryptonian.
But he’s not, so Kid just pulled his smug face. “Trafalgar. I see you still enjoying life as a sidekick,” Kid sneered. He pulled the metal piece under Rocinante back to his hand, reminding the little shit that he was the one who did it. Not that he hadn’t noticed.
“Eustass Kid,” he replied in a calm manner, but his voice is laced with poison. “I can see why your parents named you Kid. They knew from the very beginning that you can’t grow up, didn’t they?”
“Been practicing insults for a year, I see,” Kid said, not losing an inch of his vicious smirk. “But well, what can we say. Being a sidekick must’ve given you a lot of free time. Especially that you still haven’t got your ring, and your power staff yet.”
Law glared blade to Kid before turning away to his mentor, Rocinante. “Let’s fly, Cora,” he said flatly. “Not in the mood for Kid’s play.”
“Oh, hang on a little bit, Trafalgar. I want to see how much more insult you have prepared for the last year. Unless you’re running out of them already?” he shouted. Trafalgar only grinned, raising his middle finger while Rocinante flew them both with the energy emitted from his power ring. Kid laughed hard, making sure that the now distanced Trafalgar heard him.
The rest of the day wasn’t so fun for Kid. There were no one else to play with. Sure, he managed to play hide and seek with some funny looking, overly strict police who were so determined to caught him after he pulled a prank on them. But he managed to get away, almost too easily, even. And after some time, even Kid found that game boring. He almost wanted to look for Trafalgar and Rocinante just to make fun of them. However, half way on his quest, Kid bumped into Shanks, who all of a sudden captured him and threw him into a room made of stone before he could even fight back. There was no metal for him to use as weapon, so he just vainly pounding the stone wall, kicking it, and even cursing that shitty old man with rich vocabulary that would make Rimbor’s criminals gape in shock. He tired himself out yelling and cursing, then spending the rest of the time sleeping. He only woke up to a familiar chirping bird voice, and an oxygen so rich, Kid could instantly tell where is he.
“Shanks, you shit!” he yelled again the moment Shanks showed up to his room / prison. “Is this earth?”
“You got that right,” Shanks replied. “Welcome home, Kiddo.”
Kid almost screamed in frustration. “The hell d’ya want?!”
“You. Here,” he said. “Listen, brat. Based on the Intergalactic Conference Pact that were signed by whole members and attendants, we came to an agreement that no heroes or law enforcers allowed to bring their sidekicks to intergalactic missions, send them to an intergalactic mission, or stationed them on certain planet or post. Heroes under 18 years old must be trained and supervised on their home planet, or if it is unknown, on their mentor’s home planet until they are qualified to be assigned…”
“WHAT!” Kid shouted. “THE HELL! I DID ALRIGHT ON RIMBOR BY MYSELF!”
“Don’t yell at me, Kiddo. It’s your own fault too. You made quite a name for yourself there, the board can’t help but worried about you and the other young heroes who did the same. Therefore they made this rule.”
“I’M NOT THAT YOUNG! And by the way, I’m not entirely a hero. You see, I’m stealing stuff here and there. So get me back there!”
“See? That, that’s your problem. Young men like you is so prone to turn into villainy, so Rocinante came up with that pact. We kind of agreed with him.” Shanks said again. “And yes, you’re that young. 14 is a smaller number than 18, you know.”
Of course. “HIPPIES!” Kid shouted again. “I’M NOT DOING WHAT THEY SAY! I’M NOT EVEN YOUR SIDEKICK ANYMORE!”
“First of all, yes, you are still my protégé, you loud metallic dingbat. And second, even if you are NOT doing this, I AM doing this. I don’t want to break intergalactic rule. And so are you. You will be stationed here. Getting your home missions and get your training. Understood?”
Kid flipped him off, before Shanks laughed hard.
“Well, understand or not, you have no choice, Kiddo. You can’t really go back to Rimbor with your powers alone. Besides, I already signed you to a hero training program with many others young heroes. Luffy will be there too.”
Kid rolled his eyes. Shanks said “Luffy will be there too” as if that would make the situation any better. If anything, that’s even worse. He surely don’t want to spend the next five years with that little elastic guy, or his crazy brothers nagging around him. Not to mention that he had to endure the stupidity of the others, because judging from Shanks’ bright face, Kid was sure that Mugiwarasshole wouldn’t be the only one who will….
Shit.
“Shanks, who else will be in this training program?”
By the time Kid arrived at the base of operation of the Supernovas Training Program, he was greeted by the smug face of no other than Trafalgar Law. He might look a bit indifferent, but the glint of mockery in his eyes gave away the emotion that bastard is trying to hide. Perfect. Just perfect.
“Yo, Kiddo,” he grinned. “Enjoying sidekick life, I see.”
“For someone whose name is so mouthful, you’re so poor in insults, Trafalgar,” Kid sneered, refusing to be beaten. “And yet you have one year advantage over me. You better be prepared. If that’s your pace, you’re gonna cry over my improvised materials in no time.”
Law sneered, definitely accepting Kid’s challenge. “Who said that was all my insults, Bakastass?”
Kid only grinned, his eyes gleam with excitement. Oh, these whole training thing will be a whole lot more fun than he though.
#eustass kid week#eustasskidweek#eustass kid#eustass captain kid#young justice AU#Kid would make a great Lobo#and Law would make a great Indigo Tribe
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Random Questions from AskReddit
1. What video game should everybody play at least once?
Super Smash Brothers.
2. 100 years from now, what modern things will people look back on and say, “WTF?”
This mother fucking election.
3. What film should NEVER have gotten a sequel?
There should NOT have been a prequel to Romy and Michele. That was a fucking train wreck; it was like whoever made it didn’t even watch the original. Gladly it was so horrible that everyone has seems to have forgotten about it.
4. Congratulations! You’ve been promoted to CEO of the company you currently work for. What changes do you make?
Fire all these fucking assholes.
5. What is impossible to understand until it happens to you?
I guess pregnancy but I’m not getting fucking pregnant so I’m never gunna understand it thank godddddd. I’ve said “fucking” in the last four answers, haha.
6. What’s unacceptable if it’s less than 100%?
Um.
7. What comes to mind when you think of the 2000’s?
TV shows.
8. What fictional food item from a television show, cartoon, movie, or video game have you always wanted to try?
Honestly I’ve always wanted a Krabby patty.
9. What stereotype do you break?
The one that comes to mind is that I am fat but I have a significant other.
10. What’s one theme song you will NEVER skip?
I don’t skip any theme songs; Netflix has been doing that for me lately though, with Bob’s Burgers anyway.
11. For those with a VERY happy marriage / relationship portrayed on FB, what dark secrets do you struggle with in your relationship that would be absolutely shocking to those that only see you on FB?
My relationship isn’t really displayed that much on Facebook. And the only “dark” secret I can think of is Mark’s anxiety, which I made a post about in effort to shut my sister and her fucking asshole boyfriend up about it.
12. What’s something that gets much more hate than it deserves?
People who wear leggings as pants. <--Yo. And girls doing anything for themselves really.
13. What stupid object do you own but don’t regret buying?
My cat is pretty stupid but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Hah.
14. What did you learn the hard way?
I don’t know.
15. What was the last thing you wrote down on a physical piece of paper?
An ID number to look up in our system (work shit).
16. What is the most common lie you hear regularly?
Probably something like “I’m good”
17. What are some things on your reverse bucket list (experiences that you hope you never have to go through in your life)?
Being pregnant.
18. What phrases or sayings drive you crazy?
“Get ‘er done!”
19. What life hacks surprised you that it actually worked?
I know there has been some but I’m drawing a blank here.
20. What is NOT an issue today, that you were sure was going to be a big problem when you where a child?
I took fire safety week way too seriously in kindergarten, so I expected stopping, dropping, and rolling to be a much more frequent occurrence. <---Hah, yes.
21. People who realized they were attracted to people who have distinct qualities of their parents, what is it?
Um, I didn’t understand this question at first, so I’ll answer it based on how Kayla did. Mark and my dad are both very quiet but very, very funny.
22. What show / movie never gets old for you?
Friends, 30 Rock, Bob’s Burgers, Futurama. Wet Hot American Summer, Romy and
23. What makes you a bad employee?
Hahahhahaha I’m currently doing surveys while working sooooooooooo...
24. What is something that was much less expensive when you were 15 years old, that’s much more expensive now?
Gas?
25. What’s a weird thing you are scared of?
I’m not really scared of anything out of the ordinary. I’m most afraid of my fears being used against me.
26. What is a question you are immediately asked when you tell someone what you do for work?
It depends on how well I explain it to begin with. If I just say I work at [college name], sometimes I get “Chicago or Evanston?” or “WOW what do you do there?” If I go more in depth before they have a chance to ask, I don’t really get that many questions afterwords unless it’s specifically a convo about work.
27. What is something you were once embarrassed by that you now not only accept but actually embrace?
I don’t really “embrace” it but I used to be really embarrassed about my arm hair.
28. How is life different for you today compared to yesterday?
I’m not eating pizza today.
29. What would you like people to do at your funeral?
I don’t know, cry a lot?
30. What’s the best gift you’ve ever received that you didn’t ask for and had no idea existed or that you wanted it?
My niece.
31. What item should everyone own when they first start living by themselves?
The first thing that comes to mind is spices. Or cleaning supplies.
32. What is the weirdest complement you’ve been been given and found oddly very flattering?
Oh man I feel like this happened recently but I can’t freaking remember what it was. Semi-related, I always find it odd when people compliment me on my clothes or something but don’t say anything about my bright green hair.
33. What are your useful household tips?
Clean up as you cook!
34. What inappropriate question you have always wanted to ask?
I can’t think of one that I wasn’t able to google.
35. What is a secret that you won’t tell anybody, not because it could get you in trouble, but because it’s really embarrassing?
I don’t have one of those.
36. Who is that one teacher you’ll always remember, for good or bad reasons?
I pretty much remember every teacher I’ve had, minus college professors because I hardly paid attention haha.
37. What’s something you’ve done that one would normally regret but you don’t?
Some people regret losing their virginity to someone they didn’t really love, but I don’t. In fact, there isn’t really anything I regret.
38. What is the most enjoyable exercise?
Swimming.
39. You are now stuck in the last TV / movie you watched, how are you affected now?
OH MY GOD THAT WOULD BE AMAZING. It would be kinda creepy if I tried to befriend the Belcher children since I’m twice their age, but I would definitely be a regular at Bob’s Burgers.
40. What is something easy to cook that will always leave someone impressed?
Apparently my potato salad. Everyone in my family loves it.
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yellin’ at songs, 4.14.2007 + 4.15.2017
the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and ten years ago this week. today: buttrock confessions
4.14.2007
40) "Ticks," Brad Paisley
So I watched the whole entire CMAs instead of Game 7 of the World Series and don't regret a single choice I made (the game went into extras, you don’t really have to watch baseball until the ninth inning tbh), and it struck me how much of a dorky theatre kid Brad Paisley was. He's objectively a great guitarist, like hokey as this song is and as little I know about music I think that's a dope fucking guitar line, but gosh darn, he was trying so hard the whole time at those CMAS! And that puts a song like this in perspective, because, like I said, it's hokey as fuck, but if you can just understand that Brad Paisley's sense of humor is that of someone who understands that being funny is a way to be Liked and is trying his best to be Liked, it sort of comes together and you can brush it off.
75) "We Takin' Over," DJ Khaled ft./T.I., Akon, Rick Ross, Fat Joe, Lil' Wayne, Baby
FUCK DUDE LIL' WAYNE USED TO BE GOOD. Like OK I think we all know I wanted to come here and be like "look at the humble beginnings of the meme man! He wasn't such a meme in these days!" but then there was a Lil' Wayne verse where he wasn't fucking around with Auto-tune, he was just rapping, and he was such a good fucking rapper that I'm actually angrier at the two "verses" he had on those Nicki Minaj songs a couple weeks back. It's not even one of his more notable verses, I don't think, it was just a normal 10-year-old Wayne verse, but I'm still here like, what a treat, a Lil' Wanye feature I don't mind! How lucky we were in 2007!
78) "Little Wonders," Rob Thomas
it is good to remember things that are nice! the lyric video i watched for this song ended with this message from the editor: "Believe in yourself, follow your dreams, and never, EVER give up =)." i would have much rather someone had just repeated those words over and over for three and a half minutes than listened to this song. DANNY ELFMAN?! fuck are you doing here, danny elfman? are you lost?
79) "Hey There Delilah," Plain White T's
There is nothing I could say about this song that would be worth saying.
82) "I Tried," Bone Thugs-N-Harmony ft./Akon
a'ight, see, now i feel better about bumping pink and jordan pruitt from the top 20, because it won't be some buttrock heroes what bumps 'em, it'll be a legit impressive, heartfelt song. i'm kinda surprised i don't remember this! now i just gotta contend with the fact most of both top 20s are gonna be dudes. but like most of these songs are dudes. this week is all dudes. next week is a 7:2 dude-to-lady ratio. last week was 2:1. maybe less dudes? idk, recency bias is doin' work, but at least two weeks from now, we're gonna get some dope tunes.
87) "Get Buck," Young Buck
HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKING BEAT THE TUBA HAS NEVER HAD A BETTER DAY IN ITS LIFE. OK, this is the first 2007 track I think has been unjustifiably forgotten by time. “Say OK” hit me, but I think that was just a moment for me. This is objectively a classic, this fucking beat, man. Young Buck doesn't add a ton to the proceedings, but he doesn't ruin anything, his gruff, shouty flow is perfect for the beat, and I'll admit, I got a dark chuckle out of the "I can serve Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown" line. This was fuckin' rad, y'all, the best "new to me" song I've heard so far. Seriously this beat, how have we not found a better home for it, how did no one else latch onto it. A strong silver medalist in the "Southern rap songs with the word 'buck' in the title" category.
89) "A Woman's Love," Alan Jackson
Alan Jackson, last seen walking out on Beyonce's performance at the CMAs, is here singing a jaunty tune about how one time he fucked.
91) "Love Today," MIKA
i mean it's just a good song, man, i dunno. i'm allowed to just say when a song is solid and something i can jam to, right, when i don't think i have anything to justify? it's low-rent scissor sisters. I'LL TAKE THAT ANY DAY OF THE WEEK. solid week.
95) "Forever," Papa Roach
...oh goddamnit i love this song. No, you don't... Lemme explain. I need to explain, so lemme. So, I listened to a lot of the local buttrock station in my teens, because that's what the radio at the auto shop where I worked was always tuned to, was 93X. And, I dunno, there's a lot of bullshit I forgot and a lot of shit too horrible to purge from the mind, I've heard the acoustic version of Staind's "Outside" more times than any man ever should, but there were some songs where the Stockholm Syndrome hit, and you were like, "Well, maybe Chevelle isn't ALL bad." This was definitely the point where I was like, "Hey, this is the one decent Papa Roach song!" I was legit angry when I realized this was that song, I forgot I ever loved a Papa Roach song, I was 10000% sure this was a cover because there was no way I was going to go anywhere but IN on this song, but no, this is a song I shouted in the shower at least five times. I'm so disappointed in myself right now, but... But, yeah, this is, I can’t quite place where they cribbed the verses from but they cribbed well, the chorus is shouty and fake-deep like all the great buttrock songs, and I love that ending, the “one last kiss” thing over that bass line, without reservation. We have to be true to who we were, and who we are is never fully removed from who we were. I hate this. I hate having to admit this. THE ONE PAPA ROACH SONG I FUCK WITH, AND IT HAS TO BE PART OF THIS PROJECT. I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT A KENDRICK LAMAR SONG SOON, AND HERE I AM, FUCKING WITH A PAPA ROACH SONG, THROWING MY CRITICAL AUTHORITY OUT WITH THE BATHWATER.
97) "Breath," Breaking Benjamin
I have less reservations about loving a Breaking Benjamin song, though, because Breaking Benjamin wasn't fake-deep like Papa Roach. ("My feelings for you are forever." God, that's stupid. I love a very stupid thing.) No, Breaking Benjamin was legit dark, they were a buttrock band I knew was OK because my friend who ended up going to a semi-prestigious art high school of some renown was into them. Is it the same song as "The Diary of Jane?" Yeah, kinda, there's more than a little resemblance, "THE DIARY OF JANE" IS A LEGIT GREAT SONG AND BITING THAT SONG IS A SMART MOVE.
At least Papa Roach couldn’t crack the Top 20. 2007: gaining strength!
20) "Get it Shawty," by Lloyd (3.31.2007)
19) "Break 'Em Off," by Paul Wall ft./Lil' KeKe (3.10.2007)
18) "My Oh My," by The Wreckers (1.27.2007)
17) "Mr. Jones," by Mike Jones (1.27.2007)
16) "Settlin'," by Sugarland (2.17.2007)
15) "I Tried," by Bone Thugs 'n Harmony (4.21.2007)
14) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007)
13) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007)
12) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007)
11) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.21.2007)
10) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007)
9) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007)
8) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007)
7) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007)
6) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007)
5) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.21.2007)
4) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007)
3) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007)
2) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007)
1) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007)
4.15.2017
22) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar
I mean, with the way I do this thing, everything that's been said about this song has been said, and I'm hella late to the party, trying to get another round of Pin the Tail on the Donkey started. "You didn't have fun without me, I'm about to have fun WITH you!" No Bob! we already played that game Bob!. "BLINDFOLD ME!" I think it's vitally important that Kendrick Lamar remind everyone that he's the best MC alive right now, because he is, and gosh, he just fucking raps for four minutes. Barely a hook, just Kendrick Lamar verses and flows for a solid four minutes, and I'm really curious how many rappers could sustain a song for four (mostly) uninterrupted minutes just on their own. Minimalist production, it's just your voice and your words. I'd put Danny Brown in that category, but it'd be a bleak-ass four minutes. I want to put Killer Mike in that category, but I have to think there's a reason he works best in a duo. I'd want to listen to what four minutes of undiulted Young Thug would sound like?, but more out of curiosity than belief in his ability. And I mean Kendrick's the only one in the popular consciousness who could do it, no fuckin’ question, there's no one in the mainstream rap world anywhere NEAR his level. (Kendrick Lamar is barely mainstream, of course, and that fact is a source of much consternation on this song, like there's no way the entire Kendrick album breaks the Hot 100 like the entire Drake album did, but he was in a Tay Tay song the one time and that's enough.) Just listening to Kendrick Lamar rap is one of the most thrilling songs I've heard for YAS 2017. Honestly, I'm ranking it too low in the Top 20, but only because I have to think better things are on their way and am wary of that recency bias wave.
49) "XO Tour Lif3," by Lil Uzi Vert
Congratulations on being the modern rap song which followed "The Heart Part 4!" You were always going to suffer in comparison, and while I regret that it happened to you, I hope you understand it had to happen to someone. I mean, this is a three-minute song, and at some point I got bored enough that I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to come up with an observation and/or a joke and did other things. Not even shit I needed to take care of, I checked Facebook and thought about getting a glass of milk until he started saying all his friends are dead, like what?, oh okay I guess that's how this song ends then, OH FUCK well prolly not worth dipping back in if I got that distracted.
61) "Speak to a Girl," by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
So over the last four weeks, only three women have had tracks debut on the Hot 100. That's pretty cool. One of the three dudes who wrote this song, about what a girl REALLY wants from a man, was also a co-writer on Jason Derulo's "Wiggle," which is, I mean, I'm going off Wikipedia, I'm hopeful this is too awful to be true, but if it isn't, how does that dude sleep at night? What does that dude believe in? Who is his god, just, to what moral authority is our man Joe London holding himself accountable? Do Not Trust Joe London. Another of the songwriters worked with a band called Confederate Railroad. Country music is the coolest. I'm so proud to like this genre.
66) "Still Got Time," by ZAYN ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR
First of all, we need to take a minute to discuss the sheer disrespect for the concept of caps lock expressed by ZAYN and PARTYNEXTDOOR. This is a mumblecore pop song, and I must insist these dudes cease using all capital letters until they prove they're capable of expressing excitement. Other than that gripe, though, I dunno, I didn't have a bad time! I enjoyed it about as much as I did "Running Back" a few weeks ago, it didn't light this Tuesday evening on fire, but it was a chill groove, and I appreciated the B+ to which all involved contributed. Also, new favorite Wikipedia line: "Shane Lindstrom, professionally known as Murda Beatz." One, professionally known. Two, imagine ever asking someone to call you Murda. Gosh, what a stupid fucking stage name. (Stage name? Backstage name? Why do you need an alias bro you're a fucking producer, you don't get to have a fake name, the fuck makes you think you can have a fake name. Even Swizz Beatz rapped sometimes, what is your goddamned problem Murda Beatz.)
2017′s Top 20! I lowered “Run Up” again. I miss it dearly but I can’t pretend I liked it more than “Green Light.”
20) "Swalla," by Jason Derulo ft./Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign (4.8)
19) "Light," by Big Sean ft./Jeremih (2.25)
18) "Everyday," by Ariana Grande ft./Future (3.4)
17) "Draco," by Future (3.11)
16) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11)
15) "Good Drank," by 2 Chainz ft./Gucci Mane & Quavo (2.11)
14) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4)
13) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18)
12) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18)
11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4)
10) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25)
9) "Shape of You," by Ed Sheeran (1.28)
8) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4)
7) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15)
6) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1)
5) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18)
4) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18)
3) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4)
2) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11)
1) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14)
how the fuck did “swalla” make it two weeks Also, I know there was a new Iggy Azalea song, and I’m just gonna say, if having to listen to 21 Drake songs was the price I paid to not have to hear 1 Iggy Azalea song, I will have been glad to have paid the toll. That is a reasonable trade, one I would never say no to. Boy I hope it doesn’t debut next week! Also: “iSpy” in the for-real top five! That’s so dope! I’m happy for that song!
Who won the week?
2007 had the stronger showing this week, and let’s be real, I think it’s out-paced 2017 at this point. 2007′s at the point where “Get It Shawty” is hanging on by a thread while “Grace Kelly” and “Outside Looking In” are outside looking in. 2017 needs to step its game up. We’re two weeks from “Umbrella.” Is that so much to ask, is for just one instant classic era-defining monster jam that shatters the world? Come on, 2017!
2007: 2
2017: 1
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'The Bachelor' finale recap: Pretty sure Nick and Vanessa hate each other and Rachel’s season is already a train wreck
What even HAPPENED last night?!
It’s here. It’s finally here. We made it through an entire season of The Bachelor and have arrived at the finale — a sporting event as important as the Super Bowl, the World Series, the Masters, the U.S. Open, the Kentucky Derby, and the NBA Finals all rolled into one. We are so close (hopefully) to never again having to watch Nick Viall’s “handsome software salesman” face on our TVs every Monday night.
Oh, wait, except that we will see his face. Because this professional Bachelor is going on ABC’s Dancing With The Stars starting next week, since he can no longer be the Bachelor. I mean, he could, but sweet Jesus, it’d be a bad look if he went home without putting a ring on someone’s finger. I’m almost 100 percent sure it’s going to be Vanessa’s. She’s the image rehab he desperately needs: She’s his age, beautiful, and has a Big Heart, as evidenced by her job as a special needs teacher.
ANYWAY, HERE WE GO! BUCKLE UP, BECAUSE THIS SEASON IS ABOUT TO COMMENCE AND WE ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUR WINNER!
We start with Chris “Crest White Strips” Harrison on a live set. He’s having an absolute ball in the spotlight. This dude gets, like, three moments a season to really shine, and the shiniest is the live “After The Final Rose” show that airs post-finale, when he gets to ask the newly betrothed how happy they are to be, well, trothed.
He keeps telling us that “SOMETHING THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN BACHELOR HISTORY IS GOING TO OCCUR ON THIS STAGE LATER!”
And I’m like, what could it be? Do they interview the winner about her career aspirations? Do we get to have a meaningful conversation about the construct of reality TV and what we, as a society, expect from women and men in terms of modern day relationship?
I’m not holding my breath.
IT’S OFF TO FINLAND AGAIN, HERE WE GO
We’re still in goddamn Finland. Like, I knew we were gonna be, but then we keep going back to this beautiful, arctic wasteland and I’m like “Oh, my God, we’re really still here.”
You know who else is here? Nick’s entire family. They all flew to the Arctic Circle for this, including his little sister Bella. This 11-year-old has been on TV due to this stupid show so often that I am close to calling child services and being like, “Yo, is it healthy for a kid to grow up thinking you find True Love by going on The Bachelor and getting your heart publicly broken?”
Anyway, Raven shows up and they all start drinking, obviously. She already met his family when they went to his hometown of Waukesha, Wis., so she’s like hey guys, good to see you in Finland (which, to be fair, seems a lot like Wisconsin). Nick’s mom Mary takes a huge swig of wine as she gives Raven some side eye.
“It’s been emotional,” Mary says. “The other times were hard on him, we got to witness that. It wasn’t easy.”
This beautiful lady is turning 58. Happy Bday Mom. #family
A post shared by Nick Viall (@nickviall) on Nov 27, 2016 at 3:42pm PST
I’m like — hey, maybe you should’ve told your son not to become a professional Bachelor. Maybe you should’ve staged an intervention. Maybe this is all your fault, Mom.
Nick’s parents say they like Raven, but you can tell that they’re actually like, eh.
There are dead animal skins hanging on the walls and covering all the furniture. ABC clearly rented out some AirBnB in suburban Finland and the producers were like, “just throw some roadkill on it, it’ll fool everyone into thinking we’re way deeper in the woods than we actually are.”
VANESSA MEETS THE FAM AND NO ONE CAN STOP CRYING
Nick’s family won’t shut up about Nick’s track record of failing on this show, and we’re like we get it, he’s fucked this up before.
Vanessa sticks the landing when she meets his family. She hits a home run. She scores a touchdown. She says all the right things and has Nicks’ mom crying within five minutes. Then she talks to his dad, and they both just start weeping.
This is very informative. It turns out that Nick’s incessant crying throughout the whole season is genetic. Over three seasons of this, the Viall family has now shed more tears on TV more than any other family in America, including the Kardashians, who’ve been on the air for approximately 15,000 seasons.
Nick’s dad is like, “Son, I hope this woman doesn’t leave you high and dry” (I’m paraphrasing, here). Basically: His family is terrified that their son is going to get humiliated again. They want him to be happy, yes, but they probably also don’t want to have to go back to Wisconsin and be like, “Yeah, our son is the worst reality TV star in the history of the genre. Does anyone have any software they need him to sell?”
VANESSA’S FINAL DATE
❄️ ❄️ #thebachelorfinale
A post shared by bachelorabc (@bachelorabc) on Mar 13, 2017 at 6:01pm PDT
Wow, I can’t believe we have to watch them hang out with each other again. Can’t we just find out who wins?
Vanessa and Nick go on a horseback riding date and Nick says, “Give it a little squeeze with your thighs, you know how to do that.” Go Nick. Congrats on the sex.
They ride up to this hut and Santa opens the door. Yeah, that Santa. The Santa. Mr. Claus. Apparently he lives there. Here he is, The Bachelor’s Finnish Santa, coming to murder you in your sleep:
Nightmare fuel.
I’m Jewish, so I really want Vanessa to mess with Santa and be like, "Look, I'm Jewish, and — you're not real." But Vanessa isn’t Jewish, so that wouldn’t be kosher. Also, this isn’t the time for jokes, it’s a time to be earnest and in love.
Santa gives Vanessa a present meant to represent fertility, which isn’t presumptuous at all. Then Vanessa and Nick sit by a fire and drink out of quaint wooden mugs. She doesn’t seem super sold on the whole “getting engaged” thing, because she spends the rest of the date berating Nick and telling him she can’t believe he’s still messing around with another woman.
I’m like: I’m sorry, have you seen this show before? Do you really not know how this works?
“When I’ve been with you I’ve only thought of you,” Nick says, in an attempt to reassure her. I start slow clapping. That is an incredible move. To tell someone that you’re sleeping with other people, but that you don’t think about those other people when you’re sleeping with the person you’re talking to?
Genius. Filed away.
RAVEN’S LAST DATE AND OH MY GOD PUPPIES
Nick and Raven go skating, which is a call-back to their first date at the roller rink. The song “Kiss Me” plays over the montage again, which leads me to believe the producers paid out the ass for the rights to it and they really want to make sure they get their money’s worth.
❄️⛸⛸❄️ #thebachelorfinale
A post shared by bachelorabc (@bachelorabc) on Mar 13, 2017 at 6:10pm PDT
The date is good. So good, in fact, that we know Raven is being set up for heartbreak. She keeps talking about how much she loves Nick and how ready she is to get married (you know some producer was like, hey, if you say this, you’ll be doing the opposite of what the other woman did, so — you should say it).
They’re trying to mess with us — Vanessa has cold feet! Look how happy Raven is! But we, my friends, know better. We know that this is a red herring and that Raven will soon be crying in a limo.
We are not even fooled when Nick brings out three of the cutest damn husky puppies I’ve ever seen in my life. I gasp and start Googling places to adopt dogs in New York City.
PUPPIES.@BachelorABC #TheBachelorFinale http://pic.twitter.com/gjUEn1OgWx
— Good Morning America (@GMA) March 14, 2017
These very good dogs are the best moment of the whole season.
MOMENT OF TRUTH
I have to tell you a secret. I’m, like, pretty sure Vanessa wins. I know this because Liz Plank, who’s a part of our Vox Media Bachelor recap show First Impressions, is from Montreal and her hairdresser lives down the street from Vanessa. And Liz told me that her hairdresser told her that Vanessa won.
Even so, I’m nervous.
Neil Lane, the diamond guy, shows up. Nick has hung out with him so many times over the course of this show that he's probably gonna make him a groomsman if he ever actually gets himself to an altar.
Nick is a mess. He says he identifies more with the woman he’s sending home than the one who wins, because he’s always the dude who gets sent home.
“I just know this sucks,” he says.
RAVEN WALKS THE PLANK
The cruelest thing this show does is make the person about to get dumped tell the person who’s about to dump them that she loves him, one last time. Raven says how ready she is to get married, and she brings up her dad again.
Nick is a mess. He’s crying. Raven starts to realize this is not her Fairytale Ending. The moment the final contestant realizes she’s getting booted is like when fans realized the Warriors or the Falcons really were blowing those leads.
She clams up. Raven is the most stoic loser in Bachelor history. She doesn’t really even cry in the limo. But she does say, through elegant tears, “Is it just that no one can feel that way about me?”
ARGGHHH! NOO, RAVEN! IT’S NOT YOU! IT’S THIS STUPID SHOW! You are going to be just fine. In three months you will have half a million Instagram followers and you’ll be able to have multiple orgasms with multiple different guys. This is for the best. By losing, you, my dear, have won.
HAPPILY EVER AFTER
If this doesn’t work out, Nick is saying, it’d be “a waste of tears, a waste of broken hearts.” He could be a country singer if he ever runs out of reality TV show steam.
Vanessa enters the room, and he tells her he fell in love with her at the second rose ceremony.
“Every moment since then, I’ve been falling more and more in love with you,” he says. “Plenty of times I’ve tried to fight it. I don’t want to fight it any more.”
He swept me off my feet...literally! Love, love, love you! @nickviall ❤️
A post shared by VanessaGrimaldi (@vanessagrimaldi30) on Mar 13, 2017 at 8:41pm PDT
I have to tell you guys something. It’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me. But I’m actually tearing up at the finale of The Bachelor. Vanessa and Nick are both crying, he’s proposing, she’s accepting, and for maybe two nanoseconds this all feels genuine.
Then Nick is like, I got one more question for you: “Will you accept this rose?”
And I immediately snap out of it and return to my natural cynical state. This is cheesy garbage. I give the relationship six months.
AFTER THE FINAL ROSE
We’re back at the live show with Chris “Time to Shine” Harrison, and Nick gets trotted out first. He looks pretty miserable. Then Raven shows up. She’s wearing her best “fuck you” dress — this slinky black silk number — and I’m here for it.
Sorry, wait, one sec, this is completely irrelevant but I just have to show you this picture of Chris Harrison with Santa.
I was trying to think of what major holiday this day reminds me of... but nothing came to mind. #TheBachelor finale is tonight!
A post shared by Chris Harrison (@chrisbharrison) on Mar 13, 2017 at 7:09am PDT
Aren’t you glad you saw that?
Anyway, Raven is very classy and says she does think Nick and Vanessa will get married, though she doesn’t give them a rousing endorsement. Then Chris asks her to go on Bachelor in Paradise this summer, and she accepts, so we have that to look forward to.
VANESSA AND NICK HATE EACH OTHER, I’M PRETTY SURE
Vanessa comes out first, and she spends about 10 minutes telling Chris how hard it’s been to be in a secret relationship and watch Nick make out with other women on TV. They all say this after every season, but Vanessa is really leaning into it. She admits that maybe she should’ve watched the show for a full season before committing to go on it and I’m like “Wait. HOLD THE PHONE, WHAT!? YOU ACTUALLY DIDN’T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS?”
Here is a live look at me watching this right now:
My mind is blown. This explains so much. But also, on an early date, Vanessa told Nick that she watched him on the show for two seasons, which is why she went on to try to date him. So she’s lying somewhere. Either she didn’t watch the show and said she did, or did watch the show and is now saying she didn’t.
But all this pales in comparison to the horrible second hand embarrassment I feel watching Nick and Vanessa try to convince America they love each other.
Chris is like, "Congrats on your engagement!" And they’re essentially like, "Thank you, Chris, we are both completely miserable and realize all of this was a terrible mistake, but we are so locked in now that there’s really nothing we can do about it! Hahahah! Isn’t that just so too bad! Look at us, holding hands! We have our hands on each other’s thighs because we’re just so, so happy! Hahahaha! Oh, my God, please make it all stop.”
One of my roommates comes into the room, looks at the TV, and goes, “This is wack.” Then he leaves.
Vanessa sounds really miserable to be in a relationship with. Everything is about communicating, and speaking her mind. That’s all great, but at a certain point, you want to live rather than talk about living.
Holy shit she said yes!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️. It's been a journey Bachelor National!! @vanessagrimaldi30 I love you!! #thebachelor
A post shared by Nick Viall (@nickviall) on Mar 13, 2017 at 8:07pm PDT
Vanessa and Nick’s celebratory Instagram captions are pretty bland for two people desperately in love. I made merciless fun of Jordan Rodgers after he won last season because he ripped off inspirational posters on Instagram, but at least he leaned into it. Vanessa doesn’t even say “I love you” in her “I won” Instagram. She just wrote “love, love, love you!” Which is what you write when you’re about to break up with someone. The “I” in “I love you” is crucial.
RACHEL’S BACHELORETTE SEASON BEGINS
Rachel shows up. She’s all we have left. If The Apprentice gave us Trump as president, I am hopeful that The Bachelorette might give us Rachel. She's a lawyer and doesn’t appear to be a garbage can of a person the way our current commander-in-chief is. Rachel 2020.
Chris Harrison finally reveals the curveball he’s had up his sleeve this whole time: Rachel’s season is starting right now. He brings out three dudes who will be on her season. She looks pretty shook, but she’s rolling with it. I think it’s mean to spring this on her, but then again, The Bachelor franchise isn’t known for being kind.
The first guy we meet is Demario, who shows up with a ring, which seems like a lot. But he’s handsome and charming.
Then they bring out some white asshole named Blake who goes, “I’m ready to go black, and I’m not going back.”
Oh God, you guys. I’m realizing that the racism — both low-key and probably blatant — on Rachel’s season is going to be out of control. We’ll have all these white dudes with trendy haircuts who think they’re #woke but really aren’t. I’m on my couch with my fleece pulled up over my head and my shoulders up around my ears just thinking about it.
Rachel handles this whole thing with grace. She is too good for us and America doesn’t deserve her. But, boy, am I glad that we get her. I cannot wait to watch her season.
I also have a feeling they pulled this “meet the dudes” gimmick because Nick and Vanessa might break up soon and they wanted to have a fallback news cycle in case the whole thing explodes sooner than they expected.
Anyway. Thanks for coming on this wild ride with me. It’s been a helluva season, Sports Bachelor Nation. Go Pats.
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