#like actors performing with cardboard cutouts

[varpusvaras]

I don't know what it is or what part of my brain causes this, but I am very much incapable of suspending my disbelief if I don't have some sort of emotional connection to a character. Like. I am so ingredibly aware that some characters are just characters, and I can't make them be interesting to me no matter how much I try nor can I imagine them performing actions and emotions because I'm so aware that they don't actually have any. It's so jarring.

[riptidesblog]

Crossroads theater

Young Sora and Arin visit a play about one of the many battles ninja had

(It doesn't contain spoilers)

Crossroads theater was a simple organization mainly consisting of volunteers. It organized a performance every few months and during the Crossroads festival, mainly about various stories from merged realms. Sora personally loved them despite the overdramatic actors (they were volunteers after all, not professionals), cardboard decorations and faulty tech she had offered to fix a few times already. It was just... so unlike Imperium, she couldn't help but love everything, even the lines that made Arin cringe. He liked them too, specifically when the ninja plays were on. Which is why the two of them ended up on the back seats, slightly out of breath because they ran to not miss it.

(They were almost late because Sora couldn't get her hair right before she remembered that there was no standard she had to obey.)

"I can't wait to see how they show the Oni invasion!" Arin whispered beside her, unable to sit still.

"Did you see it when it happened?" Sora asked. So far, the events that had been performed before were the ones Arin was too young to remember and only knew about from media.

"Yeah!...Kinda? The cloud got into every building including my house so I was frozen along with the rest of Ninjago. I was coughing up black smoke for a week afterwards!"

She learned not to question it even if half the words did not make sense to her. Being nostalgic about near death experiences was just a ninjagian thing.

Sora stared at the stage,a concerned frown on her face. The tornado of creation, which was a massive cardboard cutout from one of the first few ninja stories the theater put on, had been taken off stage, leaving the actors scattered on the floor. Those had woken up eventually, helping each-other out of 'debris'. All the 'ninja' and other characters were up except the green dude. The blonde guy playing him still lay under a cardboard cutout of what she assumed was a door, with eyes closed. The rest of the color-coded squad got him out and now wept dramatically over the body.

"Did the green ninja just...die?" she whispered to her friend whose attention was still on stage.

"You know, it was really unclear."

[lyledebeast]

I think what really makes The Patriot such a great movie for Jason Isaacs in spite of being such a shitty movie for just about everyone else involved just comes down to laziness in the writing. Robert Rodat wrote a protagonist who is allegedly, somehow, a badass Rambo-style war hero and haunted by his past AND a good father, and the filmmakers planned from the beginning to rely on Mel Gibson's charisma to sell him. Roland Emmerich admits they never really considered anyone else for the role. Meanwhile, Tavington on paper is a cardboard cutout Evil English Snob. The original plan was to cast Jude Law, a solid Evil English Snob choice, but when he took too long to officially accept, they offered the part to an actor with little experience in American film who had not played a major antagonist before. And they let him implement some of his own ideas because his character wasn't the one they really cared about.

And he stole their movie!

I would argue that the main reason for this, the reason all the others stem from, is Issacs' idea for Tavington's backstory. Not only does it explain why he is in the Army and so desperate for a British victory, but also, in part, why he has such particular beef with a father.

The backstory itself is certainly more tragic than Martin's. For all the movie's criticism of "gentlemen," growing up in the expectation of a certain kind of life and having that torn away through someone else's irresponsibility would traumatize anyone. While the movie tells us nothing about Tavington's age when his father died or what happened to him in the immediate aftermath, it is abundantly clear that he has not gotten over it. Martin has not gotten over Fort Wilderness, but by every other account we hear it was 1, Martin's accomplishment and 2, an absolute Roman triumph from the British Colonial perspective. It did nothing to hurt Martin's fortune or prospects, quite the opposite. The only drawback for Martin is that when you commit war crimes, it has an unfortunate way of making you feel like you might be a war criminal. Annoying that.

That Tavington has a saber to grind with fathers is also far more consistent than Martin's approach to fathering, as we see in Tavington's first scene. He points his pistol at Martin's children to get the rise out of him that pointing it at him failed to stir. He never speaks to Gabriel or even looks at him upon discovering the dispatches he carried, but when Gabriel calls Martin "father," suddenly Tavington is invested: "Oh, I see. He's your son. Well, perhaps you should have taught him something of loyalty." Every problem Tavington sees in this scene of performed neutrality he lays at Martin's door, even Gabriel's service in the Continental Army. Could it be projection? If there is one outcome that is not Martin's fault, it is Gabriel joining up against his explicit wishes. Meanwhile, Martin's concern for Gabriel shifts from his endangering five of his remaining children's lives to save him to paying so little attention to him immediately after his new wife's murder that he is able to ride for revenge with no inconsequential number of Martin's men behind him. And he is at least as shocked by Gabriel's death as he was by Thomas's.

The first exchange between Tavington and Martin is mostly unchanged from the script to the theatrical release, but the two following it are dramatically different thanks to Isaacs. He argued successfully that not only would Tavington not be afraid of Martin after the prisoner exchange but that he would do well in the final fight between them (a fight that does not exist in the original screenplay). That fight in particular creates problems for the filmmakers' vision of Martin. In the unaltered first scene, Tavington has all of the power, sitting on his horse while Martin is on foot. In the second, Tavington draws his sword to kill Martin while he is unarmed. Both of these are classic dastardly villain moves. In the last exchange, though, it is Martin who has the advantage of having wounded Tavington twice before they get in sword's reach of each other, and Tavington still kicks his ass. On Tavington's side, this is not representative of a one-dimensional villain but of a man who has clawed his way to being a colonel in the British Army after losing everything with his father's death. The only reason Tavington does not kill Martin, either after the punch Martin does not take like a champ or after he has literally beaten Martin to his knees, is that he is still seeking a connection with a father.

The problem with the changes Jason Isaacs brought about is that they make Tavington a badass fighter with a sad backstory, which also happen to be the only aspects of Martin that get any real development. His onscreen violence evokes Fort Wilderness from first to last, but the third aspect of Martin's character, that he is a good father, is told rather than shown. Had changes been made to Martin that corresponded to Isaacs' for Tavington, then he could have had a stronger ending, perhaps saving Gabriel as he failed to save Thomas. But, no. Instead he just gets out-badassed in his own movie and then handed a giftwrapped victory anyway.

[tangerinecherrygal]

Thoughts on Bridgerton S3 so far.

Under the cut for the sake of my poor moots and for spoilers. And first and foremost, I am a hater, so I will have some complaints but most are positive.

Positives:

Developing Cressida’s character. I’ve wanted this since I started watching with season 2. I love that she isn’t a cardboard cutout mean girl bc she gets shat on (deservedly sometimes) a lot by the main characters. Also I’m not sure which way they want to go with her character but I don’t think she needs any kind of redemption, maybe just a softening of her character.

Disabled visibility. It’s very clunky, but it is a step in the right direction.Period pieces tend to be worse than other types of shows and movies at erasing disabled people. It’s easy to forget that disabled people did exist and were apart of society. I can’t speak much to how they were treated, but this is bridgerton so it is very possible to portray them in ways that are realistic to the more modern experience of, say, being in a wheelchair.

Portia Featherington. Send tweet.

Benedict being a fun little guy.

Sibling dynamics of the bridgertons are really sweet to see and always make me smile.

Penelope serving cunt, intellect and agency.

Thr Mondrich family being on screen more. I’d love a side show on them like Queen Charlotte. Their relationship is so sweet and I am observing 👀 with upmost respect.

I do like Colin’s new look buuut… we will come back to this.

Francesca’s new actress is so talented. The shy girl rep that I need. She looks a lot like Phoebe and fits in perfectly.

The other stuff (and how i would change it)

Penelope’s makeover seemed rushed. I think her transformation should’ve been gradual as she gains confidence. Almost like Kate’s last season. She starts to reflect her confidence e gains throughout the season and i’m thinking that a fanfic may be brewing oh no.

Colin’s makeover is needed bc they had to downplay the actors beauty in earlier seasons. But I don’t see him as a devilishly handsome rake all of a sudden. Luke Newton has a kind and approachable (kind of baby) face and I think that they should play on that. A pretty kind of handsome instead of trying to immitate the more masculine look that they used for anthony. I know it’s because he is putting on a performance but I think they could have gona another way. His look in season 2 is great in my opinion, maybe if his clothing was more relaxed but he kept the same hair then it would be perfect.

They’re trying to convince us that he’s suave and smooth with the ladies but it’s not consistent with his character

The threesome scenes? Not a hundred percent sure who that was for. Sapphics let me know if you appreciated those scenes because I know they weren’t doing that for their famously large straight male audience. I also saw someone say it reduces the sex workers to props but in context that kind of works into the story so idk.

Colin went from being lost at the end of last season to gaining a sense of identity that isn’t implied to be an act.

Lots of side stories make it seem messy and wastes time that can go into understanding Francesca, Penelope, and Colin. Instead of focusing on stories like Lady Bridgerton’s romantic story they really should make a QS 2 where they can explore the older cast of characters.

Paaaaacinnng. Everything is happening so fast and the side stories mean that Polin doesn’t even make much sense to me. I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not going to count how long they’ve been on screen together this season, but it’s not enough for me to believe that Colin finally sees Pen in a romantic way. The helping Pen find a husband quest lasted for a second and immediately he realises his feelings. I just don’t buy it. I almost want to cut away to horny ass Kanthony to see actual chemistry.

if anybody reads this and has their own takes pls comment. I love talking about the show and hearing what other people thought.

[sharpth1ng]

I think I know why I like Stu but not Ethan, even though they’re the same base character: the corny white boy. Stu is a corny white boy, but he’s funny, yknow? He’s silly and goofy and zany. Ethan is a corny white boy but he’s annoying. He’s a whiny incel bitch boy that looks like Dream. So in conclusion: Stu rules and Ethan drools.

Another difference: Stu is well written. Despite the in-text misogyny and murder his character is treated as three-dimensional. He’s silly, attention seeking, he has issues with empathy, he’s a neglected kid, he’s obsessed with Billy. And these things aren’t just outright told to us in dialogue, they’re in his actions, in background details like the note on the wall from his parents, saying they’re sorry they missed his birthday. And on top of that we get Matthew Lillards performance adding layers to it all.

In contrast with Ethan we get someone who mostly talks about how he’s a virgin and definitely can’t be Ghostface. We don’t really get more than that. We get that he’s jealous of Chad but even that doesn’t feel fully played out. Ethan doesn’t feel like a character to me, he feels like a cardboard cutout of an incel played by a fairly young actor who imo just didn’t bring a lot to the role. But what was he supposed to bring? It’s not like the fucking script did him any favours.

[lord-radish]

The Chibnall run of Doctor Who really bums me out because I really liked what it was trying to do, but something always seemed to bring the show down.

The new monsters - fine at worst. I remember speculating with a mutual about whether other Stenza take other body parts of their victims as battle trophies. I liked the P'Ting, and I LOVED the dudes from Demons of the Punjab. The giant spider was mid and the time-travelling racist was a cardboard cutout, but I felt like the earnest attempt at trying something new in series 11 was good and they could have done more than just a P'Ting cameo later in the run.

I like that they tried to have a larger crew of companions, even if the writers seemingly couldn't write four main characters and decided to sideline one of them every episode. I feel like Mandip Gill put a lot of character into her performance in series 11, even though Yaz was the most sidelined character in favor of Ryan and Graham's "granddad" arc. I was disappointed that Ryan got sidelined for most of series 12 while Graham seemed to mourn Ryan's nan more than he did. Then Dan came and went.

I can appreciate that they tried to up the ante with the Flux season, but it was such a precarious watch where one episode would be one of my favourites since like 2008, and the next one would be underbaked in that Chibnall sort of way and frustrate things. Boring invincible villains, a whole sideplot starring new characters that barely ties into the season's arc, and mangling the Timeless Child plotline - but also the one Weeping Angel episode that I was genuinely entertained and gripped by, and a fantastic Sontaran episode too. If it stuck the landing, I would have forgiven the bad stuff - but it didn't! The season just ends with a thud!!

And at the centre of it all, like glue holding the entire thing together, was Jodie Whittaker's Doctor. She's my favourite Doctor since Tennant, and she elevated the material that she worked with. But the material just... wasn't there. Demons of the Punjab is a GOATed episode, but Orphan 55 might be my least favourite episode of the revival series. I didn't like most of Moffat's run, period - at best, Orphan 55 ties with Sleep No More as my least favourite episode - it depends on whether you prefer dull, uninspired storytelling in the former or a cynical attempt to cash in on trendy, creepypasta-esque horror storytelling in the latter.

But none of this is in a vacuum. Chibnall tried - I genuinely liked the Timeless Child stuff at the end of series 12. The script writers and episode directors tried - Demons of the Punjab and Village of the Angels are fantastic episodes of the show, period. The VFX crew tried - the first episode of the run looked great, the title sequence was fantastic and the effects in that final season were outstanding. The actors tried - Jodie Whittaker, Mandip Gill and Bradley Walsh were high points of this series, while I felt like Tosin Cole got totally shafted. And fuckin Sasha Dhawan? Seriously? Dude owned.

And I liked the approach that the show was taking after the overly self-serious and self-aggrandizing vibe of Moffat's run. I thought searching for the TARDIS was a fun little arc to start the run. I liked the whole "ancient pre-Time Lord alien races" thing that Chibnall does, even in The Power of Three (despite that villain sucking). The security drone Daleks were lightyears better than the New Paradigm Daleks. The Doctor felt like she was sharing the experience with her companions, instead of portraying herself in this loud, egomaniacal way where she has to assert how awesome she is. But the run STILL fell below expectations.

And the worst part is that because the run was so heavily politicised and so much of the hate came in the form of review-bombing and ideological "culture war" horseshit, it was next to impossible to have a productive conversation about Chibnall's run for ages. It's like the right-wing shitheads who poisoned the well with The Last of Us Part II; I couldn't have a productive conversation about that game for years because the haters were doing shit like analysing in-game cafeteria menus and using them to disprove the possibility of a buff woman in a zombie apocalypse, despite thinking the game was like a low-range 7/10 at worst.

So much of the backlash was ideological and political that people would rather blame a shitty episode on the fact that the Doctor transformed into a woman than the fact that it felt like a rejected SyFy Original Movie script with a single rubber costume.

It's just so disappointing in hindsight. At least they broached the topic of Thasmin with some tact, even if they didn't go through with it. Honestly, I stan Yaz forever.

[darlenefblog]

Head Over Heels - 2024 - Hallmark

"Starring Rebecca Dalton and Olivier Renaud A suburban girl at heart, Addison, is off to prove herself in the world of high-end fashion footwear when she lands a life-changing internship (*was really an assistant job*) at an Upper East Side studio leading up to the star-studded New York Fashion Week. Addison is determined to hold onto her integrity and her family values while struggling to balance it all and forge a path to success and romance, although she may fall head over heels while trying to make her dreams come true."

Here's the leading man/love interest:

"Olivier Renaud (Austin)

Back in the early 2000s, if you had looked up from your seat at Cirque du Soleil, there’s a very good chance you were watching the stunning aerial acrobatics of Olivier Renaud. Before landing on the ground to take up acting, Renaud learned clowning in Paris under French master Philippe Gaulier and toured with Cirque du Soleil’s show, Saltimbanco, and performed in the resident Las Vegas show, The Beatles LOVE by Cirque du Soleil. Using the skills he learned at École Philippe Gaulier and as a performer, Renaud also leads corporate workshops in conflict management."

Good grief. What the hell Hallmark...another dud. More C-list actors and awful writing. A typical Hallmark movie isn't Oscar worthy material but things have gone way downhill since they lost actors, writers, and administrators. It's like they're still playing catch up and Great American Family is kicking their butts in ratings. Be diverse and woke if you want but you better be good.

The female lead has the family from hell. Her father wants his daughters to be successful, follow their hearts, and be happy. Then he jumps down her throat with a guilt trip, invoking her dead mom, because she worked late, missed Sunday dinner for the 1st time and her baby niece's 1st birthday party for an all-nighter emergency work session. Way to be supportive. She confronts her boss about needing balance in her life & gets fired. But wait, she's not fired after all. Her sister puts one of her shoe designs into a folder of the boss's designs, complete with a fake signature, and that gets her fired again. The sister doesn't even say sorry she says "you're welcome"! Anyway, of course she's forgiven, puts on a great fashion show, saves the company, & gets the guy. (*the shoes could have come from Payless they were that dull*)

I'd throw the guy back, he and the father look like they don't bathe, need clean clothes and a haircut. The lead actress has one emotion and facial expression it's like a cardboard cutout. I have to stop now or I'll be at it all night. I've tried and tried with the new Hallmark but the content is awful. The female characters are unlikeable, the male leads are not desirable, the scripts are crap. They still have some decent actors on the payroll and I may have to calm down and stick to the known tropes and stars. Aren't a couple of years long enough to get back on track? Guess not.

[shutupanddeal]

My top movies of 2023

Of 103 new releases I saw this year, these were the best (and, below, the worst and the most befuddling):

10. PERFECT DAYS: Snatching beauty from the mundane is easier said than done, and easier rendered with shlock than sophistication. Wim Wenders pulls it off in this gorgeous story of a Tokyo toilet cleaner who’s attuned to the world with poetry and hard-won wisdom.

9. JOYLAND: One of many luminous shots tracks a backup erotic dancer driving home a giant cardboard cutout of his transgender frontwoman — as close as he’ll come to holding her hand in public. In this vivid Pakistani family drama, social strictures squeeze men, women, and everyone in between.

8. YOU HURT MY FEELINGS: Ordinary human relationships get so complex they make your head spin in Nicole Holofcener’s talky, thorny, funny study of the hard truths and sweet lies that populate every day. “Can you shut up and keep talking?”

7. BEYOND UTOPIA: This pained and profound documentary about North Korean defectors contains some of the most remarkable footage I’ve seen, inside one family’s treacherous attempt at escape. We see so scarcely into the journeys of millions of people fleeing disaster all around the world each year. Here is a beam of light.

6. FOUR DAUGHTERS: In this extraordinary, line-blurring documentary, a lively and haunted formal innovation unspools the story of a Tunisian family, and the moments when playing a role — mother, daughter, wife, citizen, goth, rebel, Satanist, zealot — becomes all too real.

5. BARBIE: I went in skeptical: all this just to sell toys? One of 2023’s lessons is to trust Greta Gerwig no matter what. Too many Barbie partisans damn it with faint praise as simply a fun movie (and it deliriously is). But Gerwig layers in the emotion of innocence lost and the moral rectitude of interrogating our consumerist inheritance: ballast for the fantasia.

4. ALL OF US STRANGERS: Andrew Haigh’s London ghost story has some twists up its sleeve, which makes the forthrightness of its emotion all the more bracing. Death, of course, makes strangers of us all. Love collapses the distance.

3. KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON: A whole movie told through Robert De Niro’s eyewear: the chessboard reflected in the glasses of the King; the riding goggles that make him look like an owl, portent of death. One of a million details that add up to a masterpiece in Martin Scorsese’s dramatization of the clash between two worlds and two ways of being.

2. OPPENHEIMER: Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds. This is the bomb.

1. PAST LIVES: The brilliance of Celine Song’s play on inyeon is not just the wisdom of its story of love, immigration, and divided selves, but their aching visual illustration in a climactic tracking shot that moves through emotional time. Greta Lee is marvelous. Sometimes I cry just thinking about it.

Honorable mentions: MAY DECEMBER … POOR THINGS

More superlatives:

Least favorite movies: DICKS: THE MUSICAL … WONKA … MEMORY … CAT PERSON … WHAT HAPPENS LATER

Best leading actor performances:

Bradley Cooper, MAESTRO

Paul Giamatti, THE HOLDOVERS

Cillian Murphy, OPPENHEIMER

Petri Poikolainen, THE BLIND MAN WHO DID NOT WANT TO SEE TITANIC

Andrew Scott, ALL OF US STRANGERS

Best leading actress performances:

Aunjanue Ellis-Taylor, ORIGIN

Lily Gladstone, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON

Greta Lee, PAST LIVES

Julianne Moore, MAY DECEMBER

Emma Stone, POOR THINGS

Best supporting actress performances:

Emily Blunt, OPPENHEIMER

Nimra Bucha, POLITE SOCIETY

Claire Foy, ALL OF US STRANGERS

Taraji P. Henson, THE COLOR PURPLE

Rosamund Pike, SALTBURN

Best supporting actor performances:

Robert De Niro, KILLERS OF THE FLOWER MOON

Robert Downey Jr., OPPENHEIMER

Ryan Gosling, BARBIE

Glenn Howerton, BLACKBERRY

Milo Machado Graner, ANATOMY OF A FALL

Best cameos

Kaitlyn Dever in GOOD GRIEF

Colin Firth in RYE LANE

Audra McDonald in ORIGIN

Margot Robbie in ASTEROID CITY

Gene Simmons in THE DISAPPEARANCE OF SHERE HITE

Miscasting couch

Jerrod Carmichael in POOR THINGS

Joaquin Phoenix in NAPOLEON

Margaret Qualley in SANCTUARY

Chris Tucker in AIR

Shailene Woodley in FERRARI

Best musical moments

Unwritten above the Sydney Harbor in ANYONE BUT YOU

I’m Just Ken in BARBIE

Piano rendition of Maneater in NO HARD FEELINGS

Japanese karaoke rendition of House of the Rising Sun in PERFECT DAYS

Murder on the Dancefloor naked ending to SALTBURN

Most unhinged moments

THE BURIAL: Jamie Foxx adds up 13 + 11 to equal 26

M3GAN: Children cheer enthusiastically for roasted chestnuts

PASSAGES: The homework assignment for a class of roughly 10-year-olds is writing like two sentences about what they did that weekend

RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE: The president’s son and the prince have a romantic dance-floor stare into each other’s eyes when everybody else drops to the floor during Low

SANCTUARY: Christopher Abbott orders a Belgian waffle with passion fruit jam from room service in Denver

Best character name: Amos Klobuchar in THEATER CAMP

Best dog performance: Messi in ANATOMY OF A FALL

Best mention of Brown (tie): Using a Doritos bag as a condom in FAIR PLAY and roofie-ing the chancellor to get admitted in DICKS: THE MUSICAL

Most distressing depiction of a villainous queer Politico reporter who hangs out at coffee shops in Shaw: RED, WHITE & ROYAL BLUE

Best hard-charging student newspaper with a pretentious Latin motto: THE TEACHERS’ LOUNGE

Where the movies took me this year:

[ultramaga]

"Y'all are losing profits, hand over fist." Gosh, I wonder why?

Could it be that Leftists have taken over, and every show is now woke propaganda instead of entertainment?

Hmm, I wonder!

I'd have to ask baby Leia. You know, the one that can outrun adult men?

Remember how she was more important than the straight white male, and took over the show?

Every fucking time. Hell, Nick Fury was a total joke in Captain Marvel, and totally useless in his own TV series. He was a bad ass once. Back when Hollywood used to try to make MONEY instead of PROPAGANDA. They even redid this scene to take away his badassery.

How petty do you have to be to see a black man worthy of respect, and decide you have to give all his credit to a white woman?

"Takei said actors are struggling to make a living in the changing entertainment industry." Yes, automation is a bitch, the Industrial Revolution causes pain, you didn't complain when the plebs were suffering from it, you only care when it touches your elite caste. When the miners were losing their jobs, the Leftists laughed: "learn to code!" When the Leftists started losing back, the same taunt was used on them. That was banned as hatespeech. You are not allowed to mock the Leftist! Now it is coming to actors, but it was twenty years ago, when cgi started being used for crowd scenes on movies like LotR. They had time to prepare, but they thought they were above what was happening to the peasants below them. They told us to eat cake as we starved. Let them taste the bile of bitter justice.

These talentless hacks can be replaced by a retarded pigeon hopping on a keyboard, or a cardboard cutout in Brie's case. Seriously, that would save so much money, and you would just have to have an mp3 player on continuous loop: "white men shouldn't see my movies - it wasn't made for YOUUUUUU!" "We've been ready since July 13th to negotiate." Why wait a day? Form your own studio, pay yourself the gigantic amounts your delusions tell you you are worth, and be responsible for the outcome. But you never do - a century of communists in Hollywood who have not ONCE put their beliefs into action, because they know it always fails, but this time it would be THEIR money. Nah, they are delusional, but their greed is too strong even then. They want other people to pay them for crap work. They know they can't get a job anywhere else. You know how you have a good worker? People want to hire them. I loathe Patrick Stewart as a person. But he had talent, and that was obvious. He could have gotten a job almost any time as a stage actor in any english speaking country.

In fact, I would use that as a litmus test. Hollywood has lots of pretty girls, but actors? Actors can act. That means they can do theatre, improv, whatever, they aren't dependent on the Hollywood system, and if it disappeared, they would barely notice.

It's the same with the writers room. Go back and look at the great shows of the past. Star Trek routinely had one or two writers. Now the writers credits scroll down the screen for shows like SheHulk. Hollywood writers are useless. They need to be propped up by WGA because they cannot get a gig in the real world of competition. They can easily prove me wrong. Where are all the great novels they have written? Did you know that Star Trek was often written at least partially by regular science fiction writers?

Can you imagine Greta fucking Gerwig writing a decent novel? Actually, she's the only current hollywood writer I can think of. That's pathetic.

They used to be bloody ROCK STARS.

"Y'all are losing profits, hand over fist. And I know that there are meetings happening in backrooms all over this town," Burton said, adding "greed isn't good for any of us. So let's get real. Let's come back to the table. Let's make a fair and equitable deal and let's get back to work."

Takei said actors are struggling to make a living in the changing entertainment industry. "We're here to ensure that the young actors coming up, building their careers, will have the incentive to keep on keeping on, rather than giving up and opening up a restaurant or something," he said. "We want them to be able to survive on their art of acting. We're here in solidarity to support their careers so that they can enjoy the career that LeVar and I have enjoyed."

Hurd said the fight going on in Hollywood is a microcosm of the labor movements around the world. "We've been ready since July 13th to negotiate. We've asked every week for them to come back to the table," she said. "I have faith and hope that they will come to a respectful contract and then come to the table and bring it to us too, because we are ready to get back to work. Writers and actors are at the table. Where are they?"

[power-chords]

Now that I am sober I can try to post coherently about The Taking of Pelham 123 (emphasis on “try”):

-What a flabbergasting experience! There was like 35% of a flawless movie in there! Moments of superlative genius bookended by batshit nonsense. It was remarkable. I will absolutely watch it again.

-I read a review that described the actors’ performances as “behaved, rather than evoked,” which is intended as a slight but is actually the reason I found Travolta’s portrayal of Ryder, in particular, to be so interesting. Like it’s almost a transgressive interpretation of the Hollywood Sociopath in that it comes disturbingly close to the real thing (i.e., Actual Sociopaths). There’s none of the glamour, charisma, ambivalence, or intrigue that comes through with a character like Hannibal Lecter, for instance. It is trying for camp, but lands in the uncanny valley of camp. You do not doubt for an instant that this guy will put a bullet in the brain of the guy he says he likes, and feel absolutely nothing about it. To say that he “likes” something is to say that he finds it momentarily interesting. He does not have any sincere emotional connections to speak of, nor is he even vaguely tantalized by the prospect of them (e.g., a Vincent [No Surname] or Neil McCauley). Evil is banal, hollow, vicious, and financially motivated. More than anything, it is unimaginative.

-Featuring: Every New York Type of Guy. I want to say this movie would have benefited from more women, but I’m not actually convinced Brian Helgeland knows how to write them.

-The first act is so good that I almost want to forgive everything that comes after it. Ryder forcing Garber to confess to the bribe is HARROWING. S-Tier Pure Cinema. What they do with John Turturro’s character is low key brilliant: they take a guy who could be a cardboard cutout caricature for Denzel Washington to play off of, just another bureaucratic asshole, but the movie makes it very clear that he’s just another competent dude trying to do his job. Having him fuck up, instantly regret it, and spend the rest of the movie developing a real camaraderie with the guy he brushed off is a great mini-arc.

-On that note: Very Catholic movie. Love it. To sin is expected, it is your default state; to confess is the catalyst for the authentic redemptive urge.

-Kudos to the sound designers, mixers, and editors who transformed one of the most familiar and frankly iconic New York Sounds — Subway Train Moving Through Tunnel — into an eerie harbinger of catastrophe. When they get the car moving again, the noise is unsettling.

-You know how you know this guy sucks? He’s from Jersey.

-[Subway Platform] Me: [chanting] trains, trains— Other people across the platform: trains, TRAINS MTA conductor: [incomprehensible, over intercom] TRAINS, TRAINS, TRAINS!

[adamwatchesmovies]

Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor (2013)

You can’t make a film like Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor on purpose. It’s an avalanche of badly written, finger-wagging drama so misguided it could only come from complete unawareness.

Told in flashback, a marriage counselor (Candace Coke) tells a woman whose marriage is on the rocks a story about her "sister”, Judith (Jurnee Smollet-Bel). Married to her childhood sweetheart, Brice (Lance Gross) they had a seemingly ideal relationship until Judith met Harley (Robbie Jones), a potential investor in the matchmaking agency she worked for.

This film is an old lady telling you about the boogeyman that is adultery. It alternates between being so ill-informed and hammy that it’s hilarious, and being so oblivious to what its saying it becomes offensive. To give you an idea, when Harley looks at the compatibility quiz Judith gives her clients, he notices that it contains no questions about sex. Why? Because Judith doesn’t believe in premarital relations! I think you may be in the wrong line of work, woman! Of course, this is all to show us just how far she will fall later - going from someone that's pure and innocent to... well, I don't want to give too much away.

When the plot really kicks in, we're supposed to be shocked by the (non-existent) turmoil inside Judith as she is lured to Harley’s bedroom over and over. While holding back laughs, you may be too distracted to recognize how awful the performances are - and I'm not just talking about Kim Kardashian. These poor actors. Their material is so weak. Faithful husband Brice might as well be a cardboard cutout. He's a wet towel with a spine made of overcooked spaghetti. BORING. Nobody else is the least bit likeable so you don’t care what they have to say. Judith has no volition of her own and is so clueless it becomes impossible to sympathize with her. Harley is made into a villain in ways you didn’t even know were possible. The man’s got no subtlety to him, whatsoever. You’d think a (presumably) intelligent woman like Judith - who has gone to school to learn about human behavior - would see right through him but she’s just so hungry for that man meat she gets lured away like so many rats behind the pied piper.

The film can’t even get the “temptation” aspect right. When you see Lance Gross with his shirt off… he’s ripped! You’d expect him to be kind of shlubby, but no! He is given flaws but not wanting to pick a fight with a stranger, choosing a cheap buffet as a date spot and only being able to perform vanilla sex moves are not really big enough to split a relationship. No. His real crime is that he is the dumbest husband you’ve seen in a long time.

I enjoyed - and by this I mean I laughed at - Temptation quite a bit. You won't necessarily have the same reaction unless you detach yourself from reality during your viewing. If a friend of mine went through what Judith does in this film, I’d call the police. There are some awfully rape-y moments here… but you’re not supposed to think about that. This story exists in its own dimension and its characters are not real people. They’re symbols, collections of tropes one might find in trashy stories about adultery all smooshed together under the supervision of Tyler Perry. He may be a good businessman but as a writer and director, he's hopeless. Temptation has all the subtlety of a PSA at the end of a children’s cartoon, particularly during its conclusion. You could write a whole chapter about its insane implications and will have trouble believing what you just saw.

I won’t be surprised if you tell me you hated Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor but I liked it. Not for the reasons I was supposed to; in fact, I like it because it goes overboard in so many ways. If you’re into bad films, I think it’s worth checking out, though probably only the one time. (On DVD, May 12, 2018)

[ahorsemanoftheapocalypse]

Ig its time to analyse the theme song (this was written nearly a month ago)

Why are the actors displayed in inverse of characters played? C lighing a match, looks like an autumn  maple leaf Goats in right, behind them/before them procession of naked man covering with a Box,  burqa lady, hunchback with hasturs coloring? Wheelbarrow with gunny bags Grave with headstone with engraving 2 fires, nah a bunch of goats setting on fire And a ram??statue?

Cut scene to that ng and pratchett church with head saying ARCHES, pickled herring, ooh it has fish! Gabe holding a cross Dead man, green haired lady, weird cross like crossbow thingy Grave that says PETER PAINTBALL Grave that says jane austen Bunch of branches and a pool They enter another arch/gate Here lies the former shell of beelzebub, huh funny, the grave mark looks like one of the patterns on gabes sweater, timestamp 06.42 And- here lies adam And a grave that says something with early Cut to Going down a passage underground,

Guillotine and a circular symbol with a star perfectly fitting inside(this rotates btw) Plus a chair and a computer? 06.47 Far off castle like steeple Lava below, dk if relevant here Why is there an upside down office chair after this? Ooh big spider in background

Aah bright light, coming up from station, broken buses, an underground sign, broken, red circle , blue horizontal plaque Why planes up above? And a bomber im guessing? Look im pretending the movie poster is actually crowley kissing idc, says" stairway to heaven" Wings for victory bus The colosseum in background? Plane falls down, throws a bomb, fire everywhere

The theatre, ladies of camelot poster, disco ball that looks like a turnip version of neptune , are those angels below the disco ball? Falling rabbits?! Why is there a cardboard cutout with only the head n torso drawn ? Ooh top hat Ladies of camelot, performances twice daily Something at 07.03, written on the seats, lemme snip n see I cant decipher whats there, so im pretending the left one says A Tale Of two cities(fits, cuz only 5 words there) And the one below is confusing enough for me to think William Shakespeare The one on the right has 4 words, each looking 6 letters long, and the name below has 3 words, each prob 6 letters long Something that looks like the micky mouse glove if it had 2 fingers, made a V, or maybe it has 3 fingers (Hey this seats got something at back, 3 words play, 2 words author), think this one says the cotton tail Then skip one seat, theres a seat with 3 words and 2 below, clearly different Then another, 2 words, surname bit longer, below 5 letters+ 8 letters Aziraphale the magician in gabes cloak? Seashell stage lights Spinning dartboard on right

Cut to opening curtain and let there be light?, Ooh solar system, bridge from planet a to b Bridge breaking then reuniting later Heart shaped cloud /balloon falls down (Very hitchhikers coded) Thy kingdom airways??!!! Aziracrow looking over their london Bookshop + flat ++ coffee shop, stereo disc, people with streamers What is that weird mother boat thing /bathtub/ ???

Cut to parade with placards: the second coming, look i prob need 1080 for this, not my 720 px thing Heaven elevator The dirty donkey The Arrival screening today (Id love to see these props if they still exist) Another theatre Movie screening showing a box Bunch of hats

And thats it

in light of the news, may i offer my analysis of the s2 theme song?

[aion-rsa]

How TCM Resurrects Plan 9 from Outer Space for Ghoulish Table Read

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UFOs are often visible, but not always. Sometimes they make noise, sometimes they are silent. If you’ve never seen a flying saucer, that is proof they are everywhere. This is one of the many amazing things we learn in TCM’s upcoming table read of Ed Wood’s masterwork, Plan 9 from Outer Space.

We once laughed at the horseless carriage, the aero-plane, the telephone, the electric light, vitamins, radio, and even television. But it took a while to get the joke about Plan 9 from Outer Space. Written and directed by Edward D. Wood Jr. in 1959, it was a little-known independent film with a direct line through directors who carried on the DIY-filmmaking spirit like John Cassavetes, Melvin Van Peebles and John Waters. The Cult of Plan 9 began when Ed Wood was posthumously awarded a Golden Turkey Award for Worst Director of All Time in 1980. Though this has been disputed.

Turner Classic Movies is the go-to channel for prestigious films. You can always count on a showing of The Treasure of Sierra Madre or The Public Enemy, or Citizen Kane. But top prize in the Golden Turkey awards carries its own prestige.

“This isn’t ‘Plans One Through Eight from Outer Space,’” Jerry Seinfeld proclaimed at the Chinese restaurant in a 1991 episode of Seinfeld. “This is Plan 9. The one that worked. The worst movie ever made.”

The SF Sketchfest presentation was adapted for the stage and virtual stage by former The Simpsons writer, and self-proclaimed Ed Wood superfan, Dana Gould. He and his Stan Against Evil co-star Janet Varney have been acting in live staged reads with a revolving cast of eager comic actors for over three years. The Zoom production also features Kat Aagesen, Bob Odenkirk, Bobcat Goldthwait, Oscar Nuñez, Deborah Baker Jr., Maria Bamford, David Koechner, Jonah Ray, Paul F. Tompkins, Baron Vaughn, and Gary Anthony Williams. The miniature visual effects, which are by no means just cardboard cutouts, were done by Mike Carano, and the sounds of musical accompaniment came out of Eban Schletter.

Laraine Newman is the narrator. She brings Gould’s adapted stage directions to such vivid life they can reanimate the dead, which is a key element of the actual plan at the center of the cult movie. Originally titled “Grave Robbers from Outer Space,” the film marked the last appearance of Bela Lugosi, who had also acted in Wood’s 1953 feature Glen or Glenda.

Lugosi’s footage for Wood’s unmade film “The Vampire’s Tomb,” was repurposed for Plan 9. Lugosi died of a heart attack on Aug. 16, 1956. To complete the film, Wood cast his chiropractor, Tom Mason, who in spite of his professional familiarity with the human skeletal structure, somehow believed he could mask the fact that he was much taller than the horror icon by pulling his cape over his face.

The table read of Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space is part of TCM’s Classic Film Festival weekend, which runs through May 9. For easy comparisons, the original film will air directly after the event. Dana Gold and Janet Varney spoke with Den of Geek about refurbishing the low-budget cult classic, and how, like their predecessor, they proudly spared every expense on its new décor.

Den of Geek: I watched the table read a second time while playing Plan 9 in another window, and I just have to say, recreating those sets must’ve cost a fortune.

Janet Varney: Yeah, just like it cost Ed Wood a fortune.

Dana Gould: That’s the genius of, of Mike Carano. All those things were this big. You can see, I have the Bela Lugosi statue and the saucer. What he did was so amazing, and it really brought [the production] up to be better than it had a right to be. When Janet and I discussed doing this on Zoom, we were like, “Well, how do we take the limits of Zoom and turn them to our advantage? Why is it on Zoom?” By doing it, one, it allowed us to get a cast that we might not be able to get. Got people in different places. Maria Bamford was in Minnesota. Bob Odenkirk was in Vancouver. So, we could get people that normally we couldn’t get. Doing it in black and white helped. And then what Mike Marano did, it made it something unique.

Janet Varney: I would just also add, as a tribute to Ed Wood, we’ve never had anyone that we’ve asked to do the show who hasn’t wanted to do the show. Whether or not they’ve been in town for the live version, every person that we love that we’ve asked to be a part of the cast at one time or another is like, “Oh, my God, I need to do that. I want to do it. When is it? Please say it’s not a date I’m out of town. Please say it’s not. Will you ask me on the next one?”

Everyone knows this movie. And the idea of getting to step into its shoes in any kind of iteration is really exciting for every single person that we’ve ever asked.

Dana Gould: And it’s great to see how different people play different parts. Joel Murray plays the General different than David Koechner plays the General. Bob Odenkirk plays Eros differently than Patton Oswalt plays Eros. It’s always great. And Janet and I, we don’t want to know what you’re going to do. Just do it.

For this production, you assembled the all-star team. But were you ever tempted to use the same kind of players Wood used: wrestlers, tap dancing accordion players, chiropractors, and radio psychics?

Janet Varney: That’s a great question. I feel like we also have pretty good access to all those folks. So maybe that will get the next variety version. Because our friend, Jim Turner, is just about to do a fundraiser for the kind of variety acts who have been struggling in this last year, because of the many myriad things that they do.

So, I actually love that idea, Tony. And you’re right, it would be a totally different experience. That’s an interesting idea too, because we do come at it with a bunch of people who love the movie, but there’s also some major winking going on, as all the comedians and actors try to lean into being: “It’s my first time on stage, maybe my first time saying words,” really playing that up.

In the future, do you hope to see this performance eviscerated on Mystery Science Fiction Theater 3000?

Dana Gould: That would be great. If they did this.

Janet Varney: Especially because Bill and Kevin have done it. They have been in our production of Plan 9. Bill had been what Laraine [Newman] did. Bill did the narration at a show, at SketchFest, and it was great.

Dana Gould: I would like to see Jonah making fun of himself.

Janet Varney: Yeah. Let’s get meta. Our fans can handle it. Fans of MST3K can handle it. Plant 9 fans can handle it. Everybody could handle it.

I know I’m paraphrasing Seinfeld, but as the person who’s trusted with Plan 9 and all that comes with that, did you get to see the first eight plans from outer space?

Janet Varney: And are you allowed to talk about it if you did?

Dana Gould: Exactly. What were they?

Janet Varney: So many questions.

Dana Gould: So many questions.

Were the first eight plans rejected?

Janet Varney: Or were they all executed? And I use that word purposefully. Were all of those plans executed and they didn’t have great results?

Dana Gould: That’s a drunk man at a typewriter, “Plan 9 sounds good.” I remember showing Plan 9 to somebody who’d never seen it before. And they turned to me afterwards and said, “Did he not have any friends he could have shown this to and gotten notes?” He didn’t have those kinds of friends.

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What are some of your favorite mistakes from the movie?

Janet Varney: Oh, God. I was going to say Dana had mentioned that the first time he saw the movie was on a video cassette that Tom Kenny and Dan Spencer, and Bobcat Goldthwait showed him. And I was actually going to ask, did you think it was the tape glitching at the end when the monologue goes from, blip to [makes a noise]? And you’re like, “Wait a minute. Back that up, hold on. Is somebody going to fix this?”

That’s definitely one. That’s a spectacularly new, weird problem in a movie that was not a consistent problem. So, you’re like, “Wait, how did that happen one time, in this very, very overt way?” So good.

Dana Gould: From the very beginning, it’s like the first time you saw William Shatner do “Rocket Man.” I remember, I had a party at my house, and I was working on The Ben Stiller Show, and everybody was there. And back then, there was no YouTube. You would just have these cassette tapes with all of the weird stuff that you had collected on it, like the farting priest and all these weird things that you had, and “Rocket Man.” And I remember showing “Rocket Man” at this thing and Bob Odenkirk just shouting at my television, “You’re a grown man. You’re a grown man.”

I always thought Shatner gave the same line reading for “Mr. Tambourine Man” as he did for “Kahn.”

Dana Gould: Yes, he did. He did. He had a couple of tricks, and he used them. Yeah. There’s one direction he doesn’t get a lot, “You want to just try one big? You want to just see how it goes?” “Take the chains off and let it rip?”

Was some of the background music in this reading, especially the oxidation bit, inspired by The Simpsons?

Dana Gould: That’s all Eban [Schletter, the musical accompanist], you have to ask Eban. But again, that’s great, especially the Solaronite song. Necessity being the mother of invention, that is a brutal chunk of dialogue for anybody, a thankless, brutal chunk. And every time I give it to Paul, I say, “I’m apologizing ahead of time. I give it to you because I don’t want anybody else to do it. Because if it was anybody else, it would be death.”

Eban came up with that. And we were just like, “Maybe we can break this up. Maybe there’s a way to break this up.” And then Eban came up with that kind of thing. And it is one of those things that I love, that it’s like a mutant. It’s grown into its own weird thing to solve its inherent problems. You can’t describe it to anybody. It’s just like, you have to see it.

I used to remember describing Kevin Meaney, the comedian. I used to just tell people, “I can’t describe what he does. You just have to see him, but then you’ll know. You only need a minute, and you’ll get it. But I can’t describe it to you.” That’s really a good analogy.

Laraine Newman, I believe, steals this as the narrator. How much of that is improvised and how much of that is written by you? Because I know that you wrote the stage directions.

Dana Gould: It’s written, but Laraine, I call it “newscaster flat.” Laraine knows how the notes need to be played. It’s like the Wrecking Crew, you have a guitar behind you. I don’t know what Tommy Tedesco is going to play, but I know it’s going to be good. I don’t know what Carol Kaye is going to play, but I trust it. It’s the same thing. It’s a murderers’ row, and I wouldn’t have the gall to tell them what to do.

Janet Varney: It takes a very specific kind of confidence as a performer to be that deadpan. It’s such a specific skill. And it’s a skill, I think, born out of a type of bravado and expertise that’s all just tightly contained in this tiny space, where she’s not trying to sell any of it. And that is the genius behind what she does is just letting it lay out there like that. I mean, it’s hard.

When you have something that you know is funny and you would be laughing yourself, if you were listening to someone else read it, it’s so hard not to want to sell it. Like, can I make this even funnier? And she’s like, “No, I need to take it all the way back, to the back of the house just like, who me, who me? I’m just reading these things.” And it’s just so brilliant.

Dana Gould: This is a person that did sketches on live television with John Belushi and Bill Murray. So she definitely knows where her center of gravity is.

Janet Varney: That’s right. Well said.

Dana Gould: And yeah, again, unflinching. And that takes, as a performer, just like a little inside baseball, a lot of control and to really, to have control of your own ego, to know that I’m going to get what I want by stepping way back. I mean, Sterling Hayden is the only person I’ve ever seen blow Peter Sellers off the screen. And he does it just by, he’s like a statue, but there’s so much weight to it.

In the original movie, I love the “Criswell Predicts.” So I wanted to ask, Janet, do you get asked to do bathroom readings?

Janet Varney: I would if asked, I would love to. That’s one of the things that’s great about Ed Wood in general too, is just having this a sort of fascination with the occult and that kind of thing. And the way that it fits into camp is so appealing. And so, yeah, I would very happily jump back into some bad psychic practices if I could. Hopefully, I will someday.

Dana Gould: And an unerring dedication to Wicker furnishings.

Janet Varney: That’s right. Always that. Paula and her wicker.

Because the table read is done during COVID and everyone feels an immediacy to Zoom calls, were you ever at all concerned about an Orson Welles’ scenario, where the residents of San Fernando Valley will believe they’re under attack by flying saucers from outer space?

Janet Varney: If only.

Dana Gould: Yeah. That’s the least of our problems out here. I don’t know when you visited last time, but the walking dead, they’re around.

The table read of Ed Wood’s Plan 9 from Outer Space airs on Friday, May 7 at 8pm on TCM. Plan 9 from Outer Space airs at 9:30pm.

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[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Scoob! (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: Alright so this isn’t the type of movie that really warrants two separate reviews, but because it was only released recently I feel a spoiler warning is warranted as I will be talking about specific points in the movie. So if you haven’t yet seen Scoob! and don’t want anything ruined before you do, go and watch then come back.

General Reaction:

So, I’m having a hard time really getting to grips with my enjoyment level of this movie. Because while I don’t think this was a bad movie by any means, I always wouldn’t rank it as one of my favourites particularly with this new wave of nostalgia-based movies that seems to be a thing in recent years.

Maybe the problem is I am not an avid Scooby-Doo fan, a lot of people may think that is sacrilege and I did grow up watching the original Scooby-Doo shows and movies, but I wasn’t as into it as I was other Cartoon Network shows or even other Hanna-Barbera properties.

On that note, something that fascinated me about Scoob! in its promo campaign outside of it being a stunning CG-Animation movie was the inclusion of other Hanna-Barbera properties. In the trailer it is simply Dynomutt, Blue Falcon and Dick Dastardly, the former two who I believe were spin-off characters of Scooby-Doo originally and Dick Dastardly who of course is Dick Dastardly. Wacky Races and its spin-off Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines were shows I was an avid fan of, but once you see the movie and you realise that Warner Bros. Animation is really pushing for a Hanna-Barbera cinematic universe to stem from this with the amount of references and cameos of other characters and properties it is fascinating to me.

For instance, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 attempted something similar by effectively shouting about the fact that this movie was supposed to not only set up a third Spider-Man movie but also a Sinister Six movie and a Black Cat movie, then it was revealed Venom and Carnage were supposed to come into play, but then the whole thing got canned because the movie tried doing too much too soon.

Here though, they are subtle references that, unless you know the characters, don’t really register. I mean one or two are really obvious like having this universe’s version of Captain Caveman be somewhat of an antagonist here...I will be talking about him further down...but there are also just simply posters and name references that catch your eye if you know the characters. I don’t know every Hanna-Barbera character but the one that did catch my eye was a cardboard cutout of Hong-Kong Phooey.

As for the actual movie from a storytelling perspective, again I never really thought there was anything that grand about Scooby-Doo in terms of how they told a story. It was one of the first “monster of the week” shows in how formulaic it was and there was almost always a predictable formula in how each character would play their part.

In hindsight to that, I do appreciate both this movie and the first live-action Scooby-Doo movie for actually making that a satirical plot point, but in not having that much of a plot to base the movie on...I mean you can tell this is really an origin story of sorts in that if they are planning a cinematic universe this is that first rock, but unlike Iron Man they never had that hook that made you want to see the story continue.

I guess you could compare it in-house to what the DCEU did with Man of Steel. I didn’t really need more from after seeing that movie but I did want to see what this universe’s versions of some of my favourite DC Characters would be like, in a way this is similar.

It does sound stupid but the plot very much feels like a Scooby-Doo movie plot, in that the movie opens with that classic “monster of the week” unmasking, but the main threat of the movie is a real monster with some type of supernatural mystical twist.

But also, in adding the entire universe of Hanna-Barbera characters to that, you also have the most blatant in-movie Warner Bros. promo campaign with so many of the studio’s other properties being name-dropped it was borderline laughable.

In terms of the actual movie experience, this isn’t the first time I’ve watched a movie for the first time not in the cinema but knowing that the movie should have been released in cinemas rather than me simply not seeing it for any reason was rather surreal and, I do feel that this is the type of movie that warrants an audience viewing rather than just me watching it in my bedroom.

I also feel I would have enjoyed it a lot more with an audience, particularly an audience that doesn’t mind slightly dated, cheesy or somewhat really obvious plot points at times. I kind of predicted every major plot twist in this movie, although a couple of them I feel the audience is supposed to know from the get go otherwise why make it so obviously unless your pandering to a really young audience that don’t have two brain cells to rub together and tell that Fred with a really sinister grin full-naming Scooby is really the main villain in disguise particularly when you just saw him do the same thing ten minutes before.

But anyway, rather then going character by character in this spoilery section I’m going to break it down into what I liked and what I didn’t like. There was nothing I loved but also nothing I hated.

What I Liked:

But in terms of the overall message of the movie, Scoob! really hammers home that old-school notion of Man’s Best Friend, and not just with Shaggy and Scooby which is all I will say on that.

Alright so this movie is obviously called Scoob! and focuses on Scooby as effectively the main character as well as his friendship with Shaggy. The two really are one character in that you can’t really imagine one without the other, and the movie really explores that in both good and bad ways...we’ll get to the bad.

As a dog lover and dog owner myself, this movie really spoke to me on that level and the bond that Shaggy and Scooby share I finally understood. In all other media for me it’s more a case of Scooby and Shaggy just being friends but here that bond goes deeper because you see them meet and you see them essentially become family.

I really didn’t like the plot device of making them fall out only to have them make up later, it just is a very lazy trope at this point particularly as I’ve already seen it in a Scooby-Doo property before.

But they do kind of explain why it is necessary and why it happens because while they do have their friends at Mystery Inc. Shaggy and Scooby had no one before having each other, so when one feels like they’re drifting apart something flips and they get very possessive.

Also that ending, I mentioned this movie has a lot of things thrown in but while Hanna-Barbera and Warner Bros. references are kind of in sync with this movie, how about Greek mythology to the point where they effectively summon the Underworld to Earth!

I’m a massive Greek mythology fan, and seeing the main monster of this movie actually being from Greek mythology and animated so beautifully is why this is in the good section, even if the Underworld actually looked like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin.

The voice cast for this movie is also unexpectedly brilliant. A lot of people may complain that the original cast who are still all alive, I think, weren’t asked back but outside of Frank Welker as Scooby I don’t think you really need them.

Zac Efron is one of those actors at the moment that can do no wrong for me, he can do comedy, he can do musical, he can do drama, he can do serious gritty drama. I really loved him as Fred here.

Will Forte didn’t fool me into thinking it was Matthew Lillard returning to the role because I feel his voice here wasn’t as squeeky or high as Lillard’s, but he still did a great job, Ian Armitage voicing the kid version was great too.

Gina Rodriguez is a choice for Velma not just because like a lot of these characters the classic Velma’s voice is very distinct and almost iconic but to actively race-bend the character and make her Latina I thought added some much needed diversity to this movie and the Hanna-Barbera universe in general.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly was really a fantastic choice both for the actor and for the character. There were times particularly towards the start when he made Dick sound like Captain Hook and even his design here is very Captain Hook/Gru esk rather than the lanky Dick Dastardly design, and I was missing his classic hat. But for me Jason Isaacs is at his best when he’s playing a villain.

On that note, Dee Dee Sykes and Dynomutt I thought were absolutely wonderful here, I’d actually say these two and Dick Dastardly were my favourite characters. All the D’s apparently.

Not only was it a teachable moment for me because I had to look up someone I was pretty sure was someone I thought they were in terms of me knowing Dee Dee originated in Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, but here was on Blue Falcon’s crew with Dynomutt and no reference to Captain Caveman whatsoever I was okay with.

Also, I cannot believe I am saying this but, this movie actually made me like a Ken Jeong performance. I cannot stand this man, I do not find him funny, I do not find him entertaining, yet something about him voicing Dynomutt who originally I swear what meant to have the brain capacity I associate with Ken Jeong, but to make me like the character was impressive.

The final thing on my good list to mention is that opening sequence, after the very heartwarming opening scene of Scooby and Shaggy meeting and a Halloween setting of the team first coming together to battle a monster of the week in a It inspired haunted house, they show a shot-for-shot remake of the opening credits for the OG cartoon which is rather clever.

The only other voice actor to mention in the good section for me is Simon Cowell, not only do they have Simon playing himself in such a brilliant way but also his son Eric also voices a character, very brief and not central to the plot, but really a cute moment. Also I don’t know why but Simon in voice over sounds almost like a parody to Simon in live-action.

What I Didn’t Like:

Alright so these are really knitpicks but I think they’re worth noting in terms of moving this universe forward.

Scooby Doo is a dog, a talking dog yes but a dog none the less...so why the heck does he talk so much. I mean granted this is a universe with a robotic dog and a biped martial arts vigilante dog...but they never genuinely explain how Scooby can talk and while it’s understandable in the original cartoons as it’s mostly groans and the odd mispronounced word...here he was having monologues...also as a puppy he should have had a puppy voice, just saying.

As mentioned, I never really got into this franchise when I was younger so outside of Scooby and Shaggy I don’t really know these characters...but was Fred always so weirdly obsessed with the Mystery Machine? I get being happy with your vehicle but I thought Fred and Daphne were supposed to be the ship of this property...not Fred and the van.

I really really really really really really really really did not like the cop out ending they had, I didn’t let them get away with it in Stitch Has a Glitch and I am not letting them get away with it here. This big dramatic heartstring pulling thing happens, yet it’s almost immediately rectified with no solid explanation other then “we need to wrap things up”.

So to see one of these properties not authentically translate I thought was annoying, by which I mean Captain Caveman. Looks wise he is on point and I am fully aware that Mel Blanc is not going to rise up from the grave to voice him again, but the very essence of him being a caveman in his speech was not there for me here.

It would have been better if they allowed some time to go past and let the heroes stew in their sorrow before somehow discovering a way to fix things, but no it is literally as soon as the bad thing happens we are supposed to believe this was thought out?

My final thing is this. The Hanna-Barbera properties I grew up with are Scooby-Doo which I liked, Top Cat which I loved, Wacky Races which I loved, The Jetsons which I wasn’t as acquainted with as I would have liked to be, The Flinstones which I loved, Hong Kong Phooey which I liked and Captain Cavemani which I liked.

I’m sure Tracy Morgan is a likeable comedian, but then play on the comedy of the character and have him be like he originally was.

Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe:

I would love to see The Flinstones, Top Cat and the other Wacky Racers get this movie treatment. In fact if they market it correctly, Warner Bros. Animation could have a different genre movie for each property, be that comedy for Flinstones, action for Hong Kong Phooey, maybe a heist movie for Top Cat, sci-fi for the Jetsons, the list goes on.

As mentioned before, I do not see that groundwork for a cinematic universe here. Rather than it showing signs of being like the MCU I think it does stick more in-house as the DCEU by simply giving me the want to see other Hanna-Barbera characters inhabit this universe.

Do I feel this is the start of something big? No, do I feel there is potential here absolutely.

Overall I rate the movie a solid 7/10, it’s enjoyable, it’s cute, it’s family-friendly and I believe that’s its USP. It’s not a groundbreaking movie but it does have that cinematic universe potential and, as mentioned, I do look forward to see if more Hanna-Barbera properties get the same treatment.

So that’s my review of Scoob! What did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Movie Reviews and other posts.

[cookieofearthbread]

To hear that the other cookie wanted to read her work brighten up Linzer's day even if her goal wasn't really to advertise her work but rather share some musing with another fellow writer and bond over the share pain and joy of being a writer who wanted to create a world with their words alone with the conversation they were having.

"Well, if you want to read my work then the best place to start is with 'And Then There Were No Cookies' since that is one is the first book to my Miss Waffle's series or if you want to read my latest work then that would be 'The Holiday Express' since you don't have to read all the book in the series to make sense of overall stories."

The novelist figured it was best to point in the direction of her work and where to start, considering the amount of books she has written and published over the years.

“Oh right! It seems we are both so caught up in sharing our experience and woes of being a writer that we didn’t introduce ourselves.” She let out a small chuckle.

 “I’m Linzer Cookie, pleasure to meet you, Shadow Milk Cookie.” Even though she was a famous novelist and most cookies knew her name because of her work; she still best figured that she should still introduce herself to Shadow Milk, as it was only polite afterwards.

“That does sound like it would ruin the overall tone of the story.” Linzer nodded, as it did sound rather unsatisfying if the hero did die and was simply brought back by the gods for no reason besides cheap tension, as like the jester pointed out; what’s the point of building tension if it was just simply…. Whisk away in the very next moment?

Hopefully, the cookie learnt that and learnt to try and not tamper with the stories or certain scenes…. And well, if not… Then hopefully they were fired from their role as an actor or found work else where, since no doubt they would be difficult to work with.

She soon placed her hands against her skirt, listening to the story, weaved by the jester and watching the motion displayed by the blue cookie. Clearly showing his passion for theatrical and love for theatres.

Which was a joy to watch as Linzer personally loved seeing those who were really passionate with their work and showing it on display, such as her friend Crème Brûlée Cookie who shows his musical talent by performing various piano pieces on the stages of Earthbread even if there were those who called him arrogant for leaving the stage as soon the final note faded away.

Only if they knew the real him.

He cared about expressing himself through music and ensuring that he delivered the best performance that was entirely his own; valuing the execution of the music piece above all else.

“The king does sound truly corrupted if he waited for the heroes to be at their lowest and seal them away.” She hummed to herself.

Regardless, the story was certainly captivating as it made Linzer wonder about the heroes in the story, what they were like. Then there was the cookie that discovered the truth and sought to free the heroes from their imprisonment…

How did they discover the truth? Truly, she was hooked with the tale and needed to know the ending.

“Oh! That honestly sounds really adorable with making the cardboard cutouts. Either way, does this story have an ending? Since I can imagine there being more with the Cookie setting out to set the heroes free."

What a pleasant surprise! To know there were cookies in the world now that understood such intricacies of the written word, of novella and building an engaging and riveting story!

Yes, he'd make a mental note to spare this one.

"Ah, I simply must take the time to read your works then! It's been so, so, so, so long since I've truly been engaged in a good book! Well one that wasn't my own, that is. He-he-he~" He was giddy with excitement, why he hasn't been so excited since that pesky seal was released!

"Ah, where have my manners been. I've just been so excited to meet a fellow novelist and weaver of epic tales, I am Shadow Milk Cookie!" The joy he felt was unprecedented, almost as happy as he will be when he reunites with his beloved comrades. Which he.. really needed to get on that soon. All in good time!

"Ah yes, I've had my fair share of actors who thought they could change the script, or insert something they thought was more fitting." Ah, the woes of writing. You always had someone who thought they knew better. Who thought they could write your story better!

"This one time, long, long, long ago.. a cookie thought that he could change the narrative where the hero was SLAIN but was brought back by the Gods in the next scene. Said it 'added more suspense'. No! It destroyed the tension of the scene! Where's the risks if it's just.. whisked away in a moment!" He scoffed. He crumbled that wretch of an actor, snapped their neck within moments of his defiance. But one of many examples, then again... many of his plays ended in tragedy.

Which he preferred.

But his more tempered mood faded as she spoke about his latest work, that smile returning.

"Oohhhh? Why thank you! Ah where can I begin.. Well you see, the story is set a long, long time ago. A foolish King who HATED when others held power above him sought to destroy the five great heroes of the past." He began to explain, almost pirouetting around Linzer as he spoke.

"So.. he waited, waiting until the great heroes were at their lowest, heroes blessed by the gods themselves. And struck, sealing them away so that no other could hold as much power as He. A truly corrupt king!" Hand held upwards to the heavens, a theatrical display in every one of his motions.

"The story tells of many years since that day, where they gloated and reviled in their power. Unknowing that a cookie who saw the truth of the world slipped right under their watch. To set free the Great Heroes." A giggle echoed from Shadow Milk Cookie, oh he did so love talking about his works of genius and whimsy. He certainly would regale the tale to his fellow Beasts, once he found them.

"I actually made some incredibly cute cardboard cutouts for that play. It was regrettably a bit of a rushed production, but as they say, the show MUST go on!"

[therandomfish]

Bridgerton Review

So, are we fans of Jane Austin? Oscar Wilde? Writers of that nature? Then buckle up kids because this is….. in a lot of ways almost exactly like that. Oh and SPOILERS!!!!!!!

Bridgerton is a drama series made for Netflix set in 1813 set in London at a time when young ladies were produced in from of royalty and then attended various functions in order to attract a suitor. First off I want to give some props to not only the design of the show but the choice of performers to play these various roles; everyone fitted their role perfectly and spoke eloquently. I will not single out any actors or actresses in this review as being exceptionally amazing but will say the cast as a whole was phenomenal.

So what’s the plot? Well there’s the main family of this show AKA The Bridgertons with their mother Violet (played by Ruth Gemmell) along with the 3 sons “The stick in the mud” Anthony (played by Jonathan Bailey), the “middle one with odd one out tendencies” Benedict (played by Luke Thompson) and the “one that needs a good slap in the face from reality” Colin (played by Luke Newton) we then get the one with more main-character-itus than the others called Daphne (played by Pheobe Dynevor) the nerdy daughter Eloise (played by Claudia Jesse) and then we have the one who disappears and only re appears once Francesca (played by Ruby Stokes) and finally the 2 youngest Gregory and Hyacinth (played by Will Tilston and Florence Hunt) and Main-Character-Itus Daphne is brought before Queen Charlotte (played by Golda Rosheuvel) to be presented by her mother to show that she is ready to seduce a man and get married (ahh the days of England when that type of thing was the only thing we were worried about; now that I think about it looking at some of the ladies around these days maybe they are still only worried about that), Daphne’s brother Stick in the mud or Anthony is taking over for her father in these matters as her father would’ve be in charge of making sure the suitor was suitable for the daughter in question. However Anthony is also (as in customary in these types of shows) a big old hypocrite who wants his sister to marry very specific people and make her do what is expected of her all while he is going around having sex with an opera singer Siena played by Sabrina Bartlett and talking about not wanting his responsibilities to the family but he has to do stuff. However he really misses the mark when he ends up pairing up Daphne with a dude called Nigel Berbrooke who is played by Jamie Beamish and also you’ll be glad to know isn’t in this show for very long due to getting punched in the face and exposed as a randy bastard but through a charade and touched fingers and sideways glances she falls for a Duke called Simon Bassett played by Rege-Jean Page (I apologise for the butchered spelling of the name) and they end up together by the end and while their story is the main front of the show and the main focus their relationship is quite believable in a lot of ways, they start out as friends and even when the Queen herself is opposed to them being together they make a plea to her and Simon makes the best speech ever about being friends first and transcending to love is what makes a relationship and in this case a marriage stronger because of it. We do get a secret that Simon is hiding but in all honesty it is something that even some people today would stick to; he makes a vow that he will never have kids to his dying father who was more interested in securing his family name and a male heir than he was in the health of his wife and honestly something that you stick to out of anger is a hard thing to let go of but of course he eventually does and there is a happy ending for them and you genuinely feel good for them when they do reach that moment.

However lets focus on the rest of this insane cast, I already mentioned the main family and their performers and like I said, Anthony is stuck trying to be the man of the house, his story is simple, he is a dick trying to do what’s right, he then tries to make amends to the opera singer he was shagging then decided to dump and gets told (rightly so) to get stuffed and so he decides that marrying for love is a dumb move (weird ending but okay) the second son is an artist and he meets up with another artist who shows him the artistic and creative world where he can paint and draw to his hearts content and of course he learns that his new friend is bisexual and he doesn’t know how to deal with it and you know what? They focus on that just long enough that you feel like you got just the right amount of that story, with the story focussing mostly on Benedict feeling like an outcast and finding common ground with his artist friends and also he got to draw attractive women in the nude.. he must have loved that day on set.

And finally we have the youngest of the three older siblings Colin who gets into a mess with a pregnant woman, now hold on, this is linked to another family called the Featheringtons with 2 older daughters who I swear look like they’ve been watching the evil stepsisters and have been emulating them ever since and a younger daughter called Penelope but then we also get the a character who joins the family and ends up going to the social events, trying to find a husband with the daughters called Marina Thompson played by Ruby Barker who is pregnant who ends up trying to get Colin to marry her and to sleep with her so he thinks the baby is his and feels guilty enough to stay with her. Now there are a lot of extenuating circumstances surrounding this, up to and including that Marina got pregnant from a soldier and he hasn’t been in communication with her and Baroness Featherington (who is a bitch) makes her believe that he wants nothing to do with her anymore and all sorts of things but Colin rightfully calls her out on a lot of stuff in her behaviour and other such stuff.

But going back to Penelope for just a minute and the younger sister of Daphne in the main family. They are the apparent intellectuals who decide to look down at the women who want to get married and are fine with prancing about as they don’t want to and want to pursue knowledge more and they are all reading what is essentially something like The Sun just a giant gossip column made by someone called Lady Whistledown (who is voiced by Julie Andrews) her identity is kept secret until the very last episode and almost the last frame and honestly I felt like this was the one thing in the whole show that really let me down. Keeping her identity secret wasn’t necessary and even when it was revealed it didn’t feel earned, having her voiced by a specific actress made me want to see that actress playing a role or have her be revealed to be someone who we hadn’t seen all show and made us wonder why she did this and have her give a smile of satisfaction at what had happened. But part of the Eloise and Penelope storylines is that they both want something they can’t have, Penelope wants Colin to herself (who saw that coming read my enthusiasm) and Eloise doesn’t want to have to choose a husband at all, being the type of woman who would say things like “I don’t need a man to feel complete in my life” and I do enjoy those characters because they are a breath of fresh air among all the other cardboard cutouts of the others who are trying to copy the main characters but sadly she is stuck with all the usual stuff a woman like her gets in a society like that was and she just didn’t feel like she grew much over the course of the show.

But overall, how was this one? Well in all honesty I would recommend watching it, not just because of the well written dialogue, not just because of the brilliant casting but because all together it makes the show sensational (just like all the drama is mmmm it’s delicious)

 Randomfish out