#like angst aside between these two.. their dynamic is annoying the HELL out of one another

[temeyes]

[OC] narrator: "they proceeded to have five children later in the future…"

[fictionalabyss]

Mated : Forgotten.

Pairings : Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader (onesided), Alpha!Sam x Omega!Jessica Moore, Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader.

Word count : 6,071

Written for : @spnabobingo​

Square : College Au

Warning : Angst ahead! a/b/o dynamics, one sided attraction, best friends to strangers, hurt, depression, feelings of abandonment/being forgotten, mating, struggling with school, canon death, reunion, more people getting hurt emotionally, Sam isn't handling things well.

Prompt that inspired this fic : “When I told you your shirt was inside out I didn’t expect you to take it off right in front of me” - Sent by @sorenmarie87​

Masterlist • Patreon • Ko-fi.

Part 1 of Mated.

SPN A/B/O Bingo Round 5 Masterlist.

You were sitting on Sam’s bed flipping through one of his philosophy books as you waited for him to be ready to go. Since his class ran later than yours, it left you waiting on him while he headed off to the showers. When he finally returned, you glanced up from the book and chuckled, eyes going back down to barely look at the words on the page before you flipped to the next one.

“What?”

“Your shirt’s inside out.” you smiled to yourself. You glance up to see him roll his eyes at you before he reaches down and pulls his shirt up and over his head. The smile on your lips fades. Sam is built. You’ve always known he was built to some degree, the muscles in his arms under a t-shirt were no secret. He was an Alpha, he was strong, and god damn, he was built. His stomach flat and hard, muscles showing definition that had you swallowing. Sam was.. You let out a shaky breath before tearing your eyes away. “I uh. I forgot I had to do something.” You scrambled up from his bed, tossing his book aside.

“What? What do you mean-”

“I’ll be like 10 minutes, max, okay. I’ll meet you there.”

“Y/N?” he called after you.

“I’ll meet you there!” You hurried from his room, praying he hadn’t smelt it, that you got out of there quick enough. You needed to get away from him, needed to calm down. You’ve known Sam since you started at Stanford. Your room was just down the hall from his. You partied together, you hung out together. Sometimes he helped you study. But in all that time, you’d never had this reaction to him before. Then again, you’d never seen him take off his shirt before.

You hurried into your room, slamming the door behind you just as someone scented the air and turned towards you. Leaning on the door, you closed your eyes and took deep calming breaths. You couldn’t let him smell you like this. You couldn’t let him know just how he affected you. He was your best friend, nothing more. You weren’t even attracted to him in that way.

Were you?

It took some time to calm yourself down, then you had to hit a shower to scrub at your skin in a desperate attempt to get rid of the ‘horny Omega’ smell that you felt like you couldn’t shake. Then it was get dressed and rush out to meet Sam. You were a little later than you’d said, but you knew Sam wouldn’t mind too much.

You rushed to the restaurant near campus that you two often frequented together. As you approached, you looked through the window, smiling at first, as Sam was sitting at your favorite table, but he wasn’t alone. Your smile fell fast as you watched the blonde smile at him as they spoke. She tucked her hair behind her ear, looking down as Sam smiled back at her, and you swallowed down pain.

Why did it hurt to see him like this? He was your best friend, you wanted him happy, hell, you’d been his wingman a time or two while drinking, but right here, right now.. It hurt.

Tearing your eyes away, you turned your back to the restaurant. You didn’t know what to do. Did you go in there and interrupt whatever discussion they were having? If you did, would you suddenly become a third wheel? It looked like they were having a good time, maybe he’d invite her to eat with the two of you. Or did you leave, walk away, let him have his moment and pretend you either were never there, or that you are happy for him?

Why did this have to hit now? Why the sudden shift?

Squeezing your eyes shut tight, you tried to picture Sam as he’d been just a few hours ago. Your dorky bff who liked to tease you like you were his little sister. The guy you’d annoy to no end just because you could, because it was fun, because you knew that somewhere he had an older brother and admit it or not, Sam missed him.

But you couldn’t. Picturing him brought back the image of him pulling off his shirt as if it was nothing, because it should have been nothing. Hell, it probably still was to him.

You turned, looking back over your shoulder at the window once more. She was talking to him, and he was looking around outside. He glanced over his shoulder and you whipped around, back to him once again, half hoping he wouldn’t spot you. Praying he hadn’t. You steeled your nerves, glanced back and you knew, he had. He was looking right at you with a confused look on his face.

Taking a deep breath, you turned and headed inside.

“Sorry I’m late.” you mumbled as you got to the table, not making a move to sit anywhere.

“You okay?” He looked worried.

“Fine.” you gave him a forced smile. He didn’t look like he was buying it.

“I’ll leave you two to your dinner.” The blonde gave you a small smile as she got up from her seat. Sam’s eyes went from you, to her, and he looked like he was about to stop her, and that only hurt you more. If he did, you’d excuse yourself and head back to the dorms. “Looks like you two could use some privacy. It was nice meeting you, Sam.”

“Yeah.. you too..” he watched her leave and go to another table, then he was looking at you again, waiting for you to sit, to say something, but you seemed to just stand there awkwardly. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He motioned to the seat across from him that she just vacated and you sat awkwardly, hands in your lap like you were going to bolt at any moment. “Nothing’s wrong, Sam.” you lied.

He studied you for a moment. “Then why’d you bolt?”

“Told you, I forgot to do something. I’m sorry I’m late, okay, it took longer than expected.”

“You forgot to shower?” Your eyes shot up to meet his with mild fear in them. How’d he know that's what you did? Did he smell just how turned on you’d been before you ran out? “I can smell it. You used so much body wash, too much.” he scrunched up his nose as if it offended him. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” you reiterated, trying to sound annoyed at his prying. You grabbed a menu as if you didn’t already know the damn thing by heart and pretended to look it over, using it as a barrier between the two of you.

“Why were you just standing outside? Why didn’t you come in?”

“Because you looked like you were having a nice time with blondie, so I considered just going back to the dorms. Are we ordering? Or would you rather I leave so you can get back to that? I don’t mind getting food to go.”

“Y/N-”

“I’ll go.” you stood, ready to leave, but Sam grabbed your wrist to stop you. “What?” you snapped. “And don’t ask me what’s wrong again, I’m fine, so just drop it.”

“Sit.” When you didn’t move, Sam sighed. “Please sit. Come on, it’s our night. I wouldn’t bail on our night for anything. You’re my best friend.” Sam gave you a half smile and you rolled your eyes at him.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” you muttered, dropping back into your seat and Sam smiled. Sam Winchester and his smile were going to be the death of you.

A week later you’re practically skipping up the hall to Sam’s room. Figuring he’s showering, as usual, you barely knock before entering. You freeze, however, when you see a familiar blonde sitting on Sam’s bed. “Oh, uh, sorry, I wasn’t aware someone was in here.”

“It’s fine.” she smiled, waving it off. “Sam went to shower, he should be back any minute.”

“Yeah..” you nod, but stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. It doesn’t take long though, for Sam to walk in. He’s wearing jeans and a button down shirt that he’s still buttoning up, and that makes a smile cross your lips as you cock an eyebrow. “Little over dressed there, Sam.” you tease, and he looks up, freezing in his task.  You see something you wish you hadn’t seen. Confusion and then guilt. He forgot.

“Uh-” he looks from you, to the girl on his bed, then back at you.

“Let me guess, you’re bailing.” He opens his mouth, but you cut him off. “It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry.” you can hear her apologetic voice behind you. “I didn’t know you guys had plans.. Sam must have forgotten..”

“Yeah, it’s easy to forget something that happens on the same day every single week for two years.” You gave Sam a tight smile. You weren’t going to hide the hurt this time. “But it’s fine. It’s not like you had any way to let me know at any point today, right?” With that, you started for the door.

“I’ll make it up to you.” He promised.

“Yeah, I know.” you glanced back at him. “You kids go have fun.” You gave them a smile before headed out and hurrying to your room. Once the door shut behind you, you felt the sting of tears. So much for not bailing on your night for anything.

“Are you mad at me?” Sam stood in your room a few days later while you worked at your desk, your back to him.

“Why would I be mad at you?” you answered, without looking back at him.

“You won’t even look at me.”

“I’m studying.”

Sam sighed, licking his lips before going to sit on your bed. “And usually you let me help you.”

“Usually you let me know if plans change.” you counter, still not looking back at him.

“So you are mad.”

“Not mad, no. Hurt.” this time you do turn. “You said you wouldn’t bail on me for anything, and literally the next week, you bail on me without a word like I don’t mean shit, Sam.”

“I just forgot-”

“Forgot that we had plans? Or forgot to tell me? Because I call bullshit on both.” Sam opened his mouth to respond but you didn’t let him. “Here’s the thing, Sam. Either you asked her, knowing you had plans, or she asked you and you said yes knowing you had plans.” Sam sighed, looking down at the floor. “As for forgetting to tell me, I’m three doors down. You know my schedule, you could have knocked any time. You have my cell number, you could have called or text me.”

“I just forgot, I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” you turned back to your books. You want to be mad at him, you want to tell him to fuck off just so he realizes just how bad he hurt you, but another part of you, a part of you that realized just how much Sam Winchester means to you, wants him to come over, hug you and tell you that no one else matters to him as much as you do. “You sorry for not talking to me for three days on top of that?” you ask casually. “Must have been a hell of a date to forget that everyone else exists.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry for that too.” He’s quiet for a moment, watching you work. “Are we still on for this week?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“On if you have plans.” you look over your shoulder at him. “Because apparently my standing appointment is subject to changes without prior notice.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Don’t get all fine print on me.”

“Then don’t add fine print. If we have plans, and they change, have the balls to tell me.”

“I will. I promise. And I’m sorry.”

“Mhm.” you turn back to your books. “Blondie sticking around?”

“Jess.” he answers and you can hear the smile. “Her name is Jess, and maybe. I mean, it went good.”

“If blondie hurts you, I’ll kill her.” It’s the best friend thing to say, right? But it’s also the truth. The idea of her being around makes your chest ache. But if she hurt him, if she hurt the single most important person in your life, you’d kill her.

Sam laughed. “Yeah, yeah. And I’ll kill any guy who hurts you.”

“Guess I won’t need to be saving up any money for bail. There is no one.” No one but you, you idiot, and you already hurt me, you think to yourself.

“There will be.” Sam smiles behind you. “You’re a catch. Only an idiot wouldn’t see it and jump at the opportunity.” You scoff at that. “What? It’s true! You’re smart, and beautiful. You care about other people, you’re loyal-”

“To a fault.”

“It’s a good thing.”

“Tell that to my constantly breaking heart.” you mutter.

His smile is gone. “Either someone hurt you, or you are mad.”

Rolling your eyes, you toss a book back at him that he easily catches. “Either help me study or get out.”

That week had been just you and Sam and you were thankful. There was no mention of blondie, just dinner, drinks and a movie, like old times. Smiling and laughing with your best friend. You wondered if maybe it had been a one time deal. As much as you wanted him to be happy no matter what, he was your best friend after all, a part of you was happy at the idea of her being out of the picture again. Now that you knew how you felt about Sam, you could gauge if he felt the same.

So that was your plan for this week. Figure out if Sam could feel the same.

You were smiling as you headed to your usual restaurant, but you were confused to not see Sam at your usual table at the window. The only time he sat somewhere else was if it was occupied, but it sat empty. Maybe you were early.

Opening the door, you smiled at the waitress before scanning the room. The smile fell fast when you spotted him. He wasn’t sitting at the usual table because he was in a booth along the wall and across from him, blondie.

Slowly, you made your way over. “What’s going on? Did you forget me again?”

Sam smiles up at you and chuckles. “No. I thought maybe we could all hang out this week. You and Jess could get to know each other.” You glanced over at her across from him, and she smiled. “Is that okay?”

“A heads up would have been nice.” you answered. Where were you even supposed to sit, next to her? Hell no. And sitting next to Sam while he’d be looking at her like that felt just as weird.

“Come, sit.” Sam scooted over in the bench, giving you room. With a sigh, you sat. “Jess is in the nursing program.” Sam praised, smiling over at her.

“How lovely.” you answered, grabbing for a menu as Sam continued to talk her up. He was telling you everything about her, her shy smile on him as she chimed in a few times to add or correct something. But he just kept smiling at her, talking about her..

You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t sit here.

Getting up, you headed for the counter. Stopping the waitress there to give her your order and tell her it was to go. A moment later, Sam came over. “What’s going on?”

“Being the third wheel is not on my list of things to do today, Sam. Why am I even here?”

“You’re not the third wheel. You guys are getting to know each other-”

“I’ve been here for ten minutes, and you haven’t said a single thing about me.” you looked over at him, and you knew he could see the pain he caused you again. “It’s all about blondie.”

“Jess.” he corrected.

You roll your eyes and turn back to the counter. “Next time you want to have a date on friend night, just fucking tell me.”

“That’s not what I want-”

“It’s what it feels like. It feels like I’m nothing more than an afterthought. You said you’d kill anyone who hurt me, right?” you look at him again. “You’re hurting me, Sam. You want to date blondie, date her. But don’t turn our time into date time. It’s bullshit, it’s unfair and you know it. I had a shit week, okay? A long shitty week, and all I wanted was to relax with my best friend. Instead, I get to unknowingly sit in on date night.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t think it through..”

“No, you didn’t. You should have at least told me.”

“Come back. Please? We’ll go for drinks after, and-”

Your order was placed on the counter and you smiled at the waitress as you handed over a few bills. “No, I think I’m just going to head back to the dorms.” you picked up your order and turned to him, a glance going over to Jess as she watched you and Sam. “Enjoy your date, Sam. Call me whenever you’re free to hang out again.” and with that, you left.

Once outside, you turned back and looked into the restaurant windows. You could see him crossing the restaurant, his eyes on you and a look on his face that furrowed his brows and turned down his lips. But then his attention was off of you as he disappeared out of sight and towards the table she was waiting in.

Your relationship with Sam from then on, was strained. Bullshit conversation starters were sent via text, or online messaging. A ‘hey, how are you doing’ but not much beyond that.

It hurt.

You barely saw him. More often than not, when you did, it was in passing. Walking past him in the hall, or out on campus. A lot of the time he was with her, or on his way out, likely going to see her. You were barely even an afterthought these days.

Your mood only plummeted further as the weeks turned to months.

Then one day, coming back from class, you get to the top of the stairs for your floor and you see him, box in hand, and you freeze. “You’re moving.”

That’s when he seems to notice you’re there, his eyes coming up to meet yours and he smiles sheepishly. “Hey! Yeah. Uh- me and jess.. We got a place off campus.”

“Moving a little fast there, don’t you think, Sam.” you try to keep it light and teasing, try to hide some of the pain. But then you notice something. He’s different, his scent, it’s off. Your brow furrows as you lean in and scent at him. “It’s changed..”

“Yeah, about that..” He shifts the weight of the box. “We mated.”

You feel your heart shattering all over again. He mated her? She’s only been around a few months and he mated her?

“The new place, it’s not that far, so we can still hang-”

“We don’t hang out as it is, Sam, so I doubt it.” you shrug and start away.

“Y/N?”

“Have a nice life, Sam.” you hurry into your room and slam the door just as the tears start to fall. You’re sitting on your bed, head in your hands when the door bursts open and Sam’s storming in. “Get out.”

Ignoring you, he drops his box on your desk. “What the hell is wrong?”

“Get out.”

“Why do you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you.” you sigh, still not looking up. You can’t, you can’t look at him.

“Either you hate me, or you hate her, and you don’t even know her, you refused to get to know her. I thought we were friends!”

“Best friends.” you snap. “At least I thought we were.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’ve been there for you, I’ve always been there for you.” You laugh at that, giving your head a shake. “What do you mean, no? Up until you started hating me for being happy-”

“I don’t hate you, you fucking idiot. I love you!” you snapped, glaring at him.

“What?”

“I love you. How could you not see it? I’m not mad because you found your mate, Sam. I don’t hate her for being with you. I’m hurt. I’m hurt because while you found your whole world, I lost mine to her.” Sam just started at you. “I stopped being a part of your world and that hurt more than anything. I don’t hear from you, Sam. I get a half hearted text once in a while, and that’s it. You were my person, you were the person I talked to every single day, and suddenly I don’t have that. Every time I accept it, you pop up, and you give me false hope just to vanish again. Three fucking doors down, and not once did you stop by.”

Sam looks down, looks ashamed. Like he’s finally realizing just how long it’s been since he’s seen you face to face, spoken directly to you.

“All I wanted was some of your time. It didn’t have to be every single week, Sam. I just wanted my best friend and I lost him. You have no idea what that’s done to me.”

Hearing you sniffle, Sam looks up, watches the tears streaming down your cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Me too.” you wipe at your cheeks and turn away from him, ending this conversation, ending this whole encounter. You want him to hold you, to tell you everything will be okay again, but you don't expect him to. You aren’t that close anymore and haven’t been for a while now. So you hope he’ll leave.

You hear him move to the desk, hear his box shift across the papers there, but he doesn’t leave, not right away. “You’re failing..” Turning, you see him looking at one of your last tests, his eyes scanning the page and then looking up at you with a confused look. “How are you failing?”

You shrug. “Don’t exactly have my study buddy anymore, do I?”

“You could have called, I-”

“I did.” you give him a sad, heartbroken smile. “I did call, a week before I had to take that. You were busy. You said you’d call back and you didn’t.”

“Shit.. I must have forgot..”

“Yeah.” You stand there watching him, he's looking at all the other papers on your desk. Papers and tests all graded and showing the steady decline in your work. “You should go, Sam. Blondie’s probably waiting for you. Wouldn’t want to upset your mate.”

“She’d understand if I’m a little late, she-”

“My heat’s due.” his eyes shoot up to meet yours. “Please leave before you make it worse. It’s been bad enough as it is the last few months.”

Sam’s eyes slide over you before he nods, putting down the papers and picking up his box. He quietly stands there for a minute, like he’s trying to figure out what to say, trying to find some way to make it right. But there isn’t. With a pain filled sigh, Sam slowly makes his way out of the room.

Tears stream down your face as you hurry to close the door behind him. Your body shaking with sobs as you lean against the door and cry out your heartache for what feels like the millionth time.

It’s been a month since he moved in with Jess, a month since he’s seen you. You blocked him online, you didn’t answer his texts when he tried to reach out. It made him realize how you felt all those months.

After the encounter, he’d been upset. He told Jess a quick version, leaving out a few details, basically just told her how he’d forgotten to maintain the relationship he’d had with you in his excitement of meeting her, and it left you feeling alone and depressed. Jess told him to make it right, make it up to you, but he couldn’t, could he. Not really, you loved him, and he was in love with someone else.

But then he remembered what you’d said. You just wanted his time, just wanted to be in his life.

“Jess?” he called out, before getting up and going to find her in the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“Would you mind if every other Saturday I spent with Y/N? Just me and her?” Jess turned and looked at him. “You guys were right, I neglected her and I need to make it up to her. I hate that she’s not talking to me. It hurts, and I know it’s not even close to how bad I hurt her.”

Jess smiled at him. “No, I don’t mind at all. You should go tell her.”

“I will.” Sam smiled before leaning in to kiss her. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” she smiled back. As Sam was leaving, she called out “Let her know she can come over any time, and there’s an open diner invitation. I’d really like to properly meet her one day.”

“Will do.” Sam called back before the apartment door closed behind him.

It didn’t take too long for Sam to be hurrying up the stairs in his old dorm building. A smile spread over his face, excited to see you. He’d missed you and he couldn’t wait to surprise you. He hoped that the gesture would be enough to start bridging the gap he’d put between you. He didn’t expect for things to be like they had been, he wasn’t sure it could ever be that again, but he hoped that he could have you back in his life.

He barely knocked on the door before opening it, but once inside, his smile fell. It was empty. The bed stripped bare, the desk empty. No more belongings, no more decorations, it was like no one had ever moved in. It was the right room, he knew it was. He moved around the room, looking for some hint, some clue, but other than a layer of dust, nothing.

“Oh, Hey, Sam.”

Sam turned and found John, the RA. “Where is she?”

John shrugged. “Went home, I think. Said she needed a break from school. She was really struggling.”

“When?”

“About three weeks ago?”

Three weeks? You’ve been gone for three weeks and he hadn’t noticed? Sam dropped onto the bed as his mind raced. You left without a word. But then again, he’d done the same thing, right? Moving out of his dorm without ever once mentioning it to you. It was chance that you’d come up the stairs just as he was about to go down them. It was chance that you’d found out. If you hadn’t would he have ever even mentioned it? Or would he forget that like he’d forgotten everything else.

“I really fucked up.” he muttered to himself. “Hey, John? She leave an address or number or anything?”

John shook his head. “Nope. Just let me know she was going. Figured you knew, being her best friend and all.”

“No.. No, I didn't. We haven’t talked much lately..” Sam mumbled. “Thanks, John.” Sam stood, and started out of the room.

“Take it easy, Sam.” John clapped him on the back as he headed past.

“Yeah.. you too..”

There was an ache in chest as he slowly made his way back home. An ache he knew Jess saw as soon as he was in the door. “Sam?”

“She’s gone.. She left, she went back home.. I can’t fix it, Jess. I lost my best friend for good.”

Sam dropped into one of the kitchen chairs as Jess came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her head leaning on the back of his. He pulled out his phone and tried one last time. One last time to reach you and then he’d leave you alone.

<< I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you so bad you had to leave. Please, just let me know you’re okay.

Heading back home to the midwest had been the best thing you could have done for yourself. You blocked Sam on everything, ignored texts and calls. After about three weeks they stopped and you were finally able to heal, finally able to forget all the pain Sam put you through.

You had contact with a few people you’d known in a few classes. Thankfully none of them mentioned  Sam to you.

Not until they told you about the fire. About Jess.

You found yourself back in Palo Alto, dressed in black and standing with people you barely knew for a girl you never bothered to get to know. She might have been nothing to you, but she’d been everything to Sam. Your heart broke for him. Losing a mate was the hardest thing anyone could go through.

Glancing around, you were surprised he wasn’t there. You expected him to be here, to be with her family as they grieved the loss of their daughter, but he was nowhere to be seen. You looked forward again, watching as people took roses and gently placed them on her coffin. You decided to do the same.

Taking one in your hand, you slowly made your way closer, stepping up just as the person before you stepped away. “I’m sorry.” you whispered quietly. “You didn’t deserve this. I’m sorry, Jess.” Placing the rose with the others, you quietly walked away.

You were sitting in the bar you had frequented in your time at college. Lifting a drink to your lips, you paused about half way before you set it down and pulled out your phone. Licking your lips, you opened a text chain you had long ago ignored. You hoped he hadn’t changed numbers.

<< I’m sorry for your loss, Sam.

Closing your phone, you put it down and picked up your drink again, downing the last of it before motioning for the bartender to bring you another.

It was about twenty minutes later when you heard a surprised voice behind you. “Y/N?” You turned, and there he was, in a dark suit all funeral ready, and so much pain etched into his face. If you didn’t know better, you’d have thought he’d actually gone to the funeral. Maybe he said his goodbyes alone after everyone else left. “What are you doing here?”

“Heard about the fire. I might not have been friends with her, Sam, but she was everything to you. I came to pay my respects to your mate.”

Sam gave you a half smile at that. “You really would have liked her if you’d have given her a chance. I had hoped you two would be friends too.. Eventually.”

“Maybe we would have. But I was too hurt to try.”

“I know.. I know, I’m sorry. I tried to make things right, I showed up at your dorm but.. You were already gone. I think that’s when I fully realized just how bad I ruined our friendship.” he gave you a sad smile. “Jess had wanted you to come over for dinner.”

“I really am sorry, Sam.”

“I’m just glad you’re here.” The look he gave you, you knew he needed a hug. You turned in your seat and opened your arms for him. Sam happily moved in for the hug, holding you tight against him as if he was afraid you’d leave again. “I’m really happy you’re here.”

“You needed me. How could I stay away.”

When you both pulled away, you cupped his cheek for a moment, and he smiled sadly at you. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.”

“Hey, Sammy!”

You turned to the newcomer who stepped up to you and Sam. Sam glanced back at him, and opened his mouth to say something when you spoke first. “Hey, Dean.” That stunned Sam.

“Hey, princess. What are you doing out here?”

“How do you know my brother?” Sam asked, a confused look on his face as he looked from Dean to you.

“That’s your brother?” Sam nodded, and you glanced to Dean, who smirked with a wink. “I didn’t know he was your brother.. Uh- Couple weeks after I left school, Dean was in town. Helped me through a bad heat.” you shrugged. “We talk, I hear from him every few days at least. Meet up when he’s close by. I didn’t know you were coming here.”

“Been here since the fire. I’m the one who pulled Sammy out of the house.”

You looked to Sam. “You were inside.. You saw-” You swallowed at the look on Sam’s face. “Uh- drinks on me tonight.” you turned to the bartender as he handed you your drink. “Make it three.”

“So.” Dean sat in the stool next to you. “The guy you mentioned who loved someone else-”

“Your brother.” You gave Dean a sad smile with a nod. “Yeah.”

Dean turned and looked at his brother. “Is it bad that I’m glad he did?” he teased with a smile. “I got to enjoy the sweet little Omega he let slip away.” Dean licked his lips with a smirk.

“Fuck you, Dean.” Sam snapped, taking up the seat on your other side with a scowl.

As the bartender put the drinks in front of you, you sighed. “Keep ‘em coming.”

“Will do.” he nodded and wandered off.

“So, princess. How long are you in town for?” Dean lifted his drink to his lips.

“Not sure yet, why?”

“Ruts due next week. Was thinking of heading your way for it anyways.” he smiled. Sam growled next to you. “She ain’t yours, Sammy.”

“She ain’t fucking yours, either.” Sam growled before downing his entire glass. “Why her, Dean? Of all the fucking people you’ve fucked, why her?”

You answered before Dean could. “Because I deserve a bit of happiness too, Sam.” The anger he’d been showing melting away to guilt. “I’m sorry it’s your brother, but I have fun when I’m with him. There’s no bullshit, no heartache. I know where I stand.” Sam licked his lips before looking down into his empty glass, and that’s when you turned to Dean. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to if you’re sticking around. If not, we can meet up in the usual place. Just let me know.”

Dean leaned in and kissed your cheek. Sam stood and stormed his way outside, Dean watching him go. “He’s not taking this well.”

“But now he knows what it feels like.” you muttered, lifting your glass. “Feeling like you’ve been replaced and forgotten. Did you meet her?”

“Once.” Dean answered. “She was nice enough.”

“Was he happy?”

“Yeah, he was happy. Was about to interview for the law school.” you glanced over to Dean. “He didn’t go. He’s taking the fire bad, this.. you and me? Just making things harder for him.”

“If he wants to be in my life, he’s going to have to get used to the idea that you’re a part of it now.” you gave Dean a soft smile. “Just like I had to accept that she became his.”

“Where are you staying tonight?”

You chuckled at that, ducking your head down a touch. “I don’t think tonight is such a good idea, Dean.” you looked up again, but glanced to the door Sam had stormed out of. “But I’ll be there for your rut if you want.”

“Oh, I want.” Dean grinned, but then sighed. “I guess I better go after him, huh.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“I’ll call you later.” this time when Dean leaned in, his lips brushed against yours. “See you around, princess. And don’t worry about him. He’ll come around eventually.”

“Yeah.. I hope so.”

Dean downed the rest of his drink before heading out after his brother. You watched him go and sighed softly to yourself. A part of you felt bad. You never expected to get over Sam using his own brother. But at the same time, Dean was so different from Sam. He’d been exactly what you needed. In fact, despite everything today had thrown at you, you found yourself smiling as you looked forward to helping Dean through a rut.

“Can’t seem to shake the Winchesters..”

*If you like this, please consider supporting my work*

Tagging :  Sam -  @evyiione​

Dean - @akshi8278​  @adoptdontshoppets​   @evyiione @karikatz12481​ @idksupernatural​  @deandreamernp​

SPN -  @sandlee44  @just-another-busy-fangirl  @mrswhozeewhatsis   @deanandsamsbitch  @deans-baby-momma  @thebescht @67-chevy-baby @supraveng   @musiclovinchic93 @holyfuckloueh  @ksgeekgirl   @hobby27 @maddiepants  @roxyspearing @onethirstyunicorn    @fandom-princess-forevermore     @kalesrebellion   @deanwanddamons   @thoughts-and-funnies​

All tags - @sorenmarie87​ @artemisthebadger​ @winchesterprincessbride​ @iflostreturntosteverogers​ @akfonkin​ @rebelminxy​ @foxyjwls007​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @shaelyn102​ @supernaturalenchanted​  @kazkingdom​   @babypink224221​  @emoryhemsworth​    @ilovefanfic86​  @pie-with-hunters​   @anaelsbrunette​ @lazinessisalliknow  @feelmyroarrrr​  @letsdisneythings​   @cdwmtjb8​   @notyourtypicalrose​  @xostephanie​ @ilovedeanspie​ @defenderrosetyler​ @amandamdiehl​

[stuckybarton]

One Punch One Kiss

Summary: You find a different option to relieve your stress and the fact that you might just be in love with Bruce Banner. Warning: Profanities. Mild Violence. Slight Angst, Self-Depreciation.  Grammar Errors. Not Beta’d. Characters: Unnamed Female Character x Bruce Banner Words: 3,092 A/N: So this happened. Lol. Masterlist

It been well over months now since you've found yourself in care of the so-called Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers. It was far from the life you once lived.

The poverty of the slums, where fighting was always the way to survive another day. It was always survival of the fittest for someone like you. One of the many reasons why it took so long for you to intergrade with the team. Your "power" wasn't that much special compared to the rest of the bunch.

You were a mixed martial artist, finally getting out of the bottom of the barrel but a freak accident left your hands, your tool for survival, barely able close into a fist anymore--you can barely even open them back then too. You find yourself mixed with the wrong crowd and after one too many experiments, you've gain this so-called mutation that lets you punch anything effortlessly. But it doesn't come without a price.

When the adrenaline dies down, you are left with an indestructible fist, but the pain was never far behind. Hands that would last the rest of time, but the pain, the burning torturous pain was something you can never get used to. It was better to dip your hands in lava than the excruciating pain. The insistent throbbing on each finger made it hard for you to open your hands, as much as you were capable of opening them. There there are nights were you want nothing more than to end things, end your suffering once and for all.

But out comes one Bruce Banner.

A man that has known about the demons pestering your life. Having to fight his own every single day as he tries to control the big green monster he calls his other self.

He had helped you so much. From physically helping you maintain the pain you had to endure post-mission, helping Tony Stark with designing the perfect gloves that could potentially lessen the pain you had to experience after each mission. Then there was psychological and mental help.

You were never one for meditating. Always using your fist to forget about your problems as much as possible. But without that stress relief, you were left to Bruce's method.

One hour every single day. Whether it was Bruce having a big research or in the middle of a debriefing. They would take time out of their own schedules just for the one hour to bring semblance to their frail state of minds.

Somehow it does work.

In either your room or in Bruce's room. An hour long meditation with nothing but the sound of white noise brings a momentary peace in your mind, while also making you realize something you try so hard to ignore.

You were in love with Bruce.

Madly, deeply, and crazily enough to be in love with the first man to have every taken care of you. You're fucked, that much you have known for yourself since the realization had occurred.

Now you're left with making sure to make as many excuses as you possibly could to avoid Bruce and your daily meditation. Everyone in the compound knew what you were trying to do, but knowing you and knowing how the aloof Bruce Banner could be, they try to mediate the situation without getting themselves too involved.

"What's up, One-Punch Woman." Tony's usual nicknames annoyed you when you first started out, but as time goes by, you just find yourself getting used to it. You got to talk to Peter about letting Tony watch anime. He gets more material from those.

"Today's not the day to piss me off Tony." You muttered.

You had enjoyed the momentary peace inside the training room. With only the resounding echoes of your first against the punching bag, the rapid breathing escaping your lips, and the low hum of the air conditioner. This was your compromise for not joining Bruce with meditating.

"Come on, Rocky." Tony's hand resting on your shoulder angered you. You hated anyone, aside from Bruce, from touching you.

"Get your hands off, Stark."

Your fist continued to collide with the punching bag, but every single time Tony would try to intervene. Either trying to pull you away from the punching bag or pulling the punching bag away from you.

It took all the control out of you to stop yourself from using Tony as your punching bag instead. Every deep breath you took, the resolve was slowly fading away and your hands were now screaming at you to stop pain finally coming in full waves.

"Stark, I am warning you."

"I'd stop if you tell me why you're avoiding Dr. Banner. It's affecting his productivity if I'm being honest."

And that was the straw the finally broke the camel's back. Punching Stark right in the jaw, but his nano-tech was quick to protect him from punch, but the impact left him stuck right through the walls and everything was now on high alert as F.R.I.D.A.Y placed the training room on lockdown.

"I told you to stay the hell away from me, Stark." You spat, now thinking of a way to get the hell out of the training room without anyone, especially the particular man, coming to see that you were falling apart all because of your god damn feelings. "F.R.I.D.A.Y. open the doors." You demand but the AI refused only wanting Tony to give the command.

"The hell is wrong with you Y/N?"

Now coming face to face with an Iron Man suit of Tony, the last thing you would want was to ruin the reputation you have made with the team. The unproblematic one. The one that would rather keep to yourself than argue with anyone on the team.

"You! Get the hell away me." Your voice grew hoarse as the genuine anger begins to manifest.

One punch, that was all it would take to shut the hell out of the man and you could escape the confinements of the training room.

"Open the doors, Tony. I'm not really in the mood to deal with you and the rest of your fucked up group."

"Well, you're part of this group whether you like it or not. So doesn't that make you just as fucked up as we are?" Tony was actually pointing his beam at you and it made it more evident that you didn't belong here in this group as much as Bruce had assured you were.

There would always be this power dynamic that you will never escape from. May it be the slums, the laboratory, or this compound. You will be nothing more than a tool for them to use and to exploit.

"Stand down, Y/N. You're being hysterical."

That was when you finally snapped, running towards him, clenched fist swung but it never met his face, instead a green being came quick to block your hit.

"It's okay, Y/N." Hulk assured--or was it Bruce. You weren't certain anymore.

Eyes trained towards where you fist has landed. Landing right onto his ribs, had he been in his normal body, you were sure you've fracture a few ribs or worse, punctured his lungs or heart in the process.

When your eyes trailed upward, the gentle look on the Hulk's face scared you. Even he was worried about and everything you had been doing for the past few days as you avoided Bruce.

You didn't flinch when his larger hand tried cupping your cheeks, instead nestling more into his touch. You had it bad. But it was enough to calm you down for the moment. Bruce was your peace.

"Breath, Y/N."

Slowly, you see him turn back to his normal self. Never once did his hand leave your own. Both hands now cupping your cheeks as he stared at you.

"Can you do that for me?"

You nodded, never breaking eye contact. You breath, you tried you best to calm the heart you never noticed was beating to fast as you slowed your breathing.

"You got me..."

Indeed you do. He was here, even after the days you've tried ignoring him, avoiding him, and downright pushing him away. You still got him.

"That's all that matters..."

You nod, eyes now stinging with the unshed tears. You were afraid of losing him. You feeling for him that presented itself to you now, you didn't want to lose it. You couldn't depend on anyone else in this compound but him. Your only sanctuary in your state of mind. Your Survival of the Fittest mentality scrambling at this man that would give you the world even if you so much as ask it from him.

The Strongest Avenger, but was the most vulnerable in your presence.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. open the door." Bruce requested as he pulled you to his chest.

With the AI following, you caught glimpse of the mess the Hulk had made through the wall just to get it. Wincing at what Tony would have them to just to pay for the damage of it.

Their journey has been silent. The only sound you could hear, or at least tried to focus on was his heart. The rhythmic calm beats against your ear made you focus on your own breathing until you arrived in his room.

Bare as Bruce's room was, it brought you a calmness of the familiarity it had with you. Not much decorations aside from the diplomas and achievements, one picture still stuck out the most to you in his array of achievements. It was a picture of you and Bruce. It was post-mission in the Quintjet, one bud on each of your ear and you still remembered the two of you were listening to Lofi music at the time. What made the picture so memorable was the sight of the two of you grinning ear to ear while icing your aching hand after going head to head with a colossus from who-knows what planet.

You still remember why the two of your were smiling. There was a bet between Tony and Rhodey that you wouldn't be able to take on the giant and had waged a hundred dollars each because they were just that confident. Yet a minute later, you've just punched the alien once before it run as far away from you as possible. Being owed two hundred dollar and just the bragging right you were having had a smile on your face and Bruce was quick to join along in the merriment of the moment.

"What's wrong, Y/N?"

Returning back to the present, the worry in Bruce's face was still evident but you pulled away, cheeks warm at the realization that the man had been shirtless this entire time and you were leaning on his chest all throughout.

"Nothing." You muttered, now unable to meet his eyes now.

"The hole you've punched Tony into isn't much of a nothing." His words, as agitated as you knew he was being at the moment, was calm.

"Tony is just being annoying." You tried to reason. "He was getting on my nerves and deserves it." You added knowing very well that if it wasn't for Bruce, Tony would more than likely be enduring a concussion or even brain damage at this point.

Just the thought of that happening brought a knot right into your throat making you incapable of swallowing. Had it not been for Bruce, you were sure you would need to pack your backs yet again and leave the compound. God know what the rest of the team would think of you if that happened, or what what they would do to you as retaliation.

"But it's not just because of that." It was as if Bruce can read your thoughts. All he wants now is just confirmation.

"It has nothing to do with you." Lie.

"Then what is it? You've been acting weird for the last few days. You're blowing me off and using every excuse in the book to get away from our meditation and away from me. So this definitely has something to do with me."

You didn't have an answer to him. Fear overcame telling him the truth, making him understand your worries.

"Just say it. Say that the other guy is scaring you and be done with it."

You blinked confused with what he was saying.

"That's not it." You assured, finding the right words was hard.

"THEN WHAT?" As the green tint quickly appeared on his skin just as quick as it disappeared, your adrenaline was still high from the incident in the training room, fist already already ready to defend yourself if he loses control.

Never once did you raise you hand at Bruce. Never once did you face with in your attack stance. But never once did Bruce raise his voice at you. This was affecting him just as much as it did you.

"I'm a monster, Y/N. I know that more than anyone else. All you had to do was say so and be done with it."

"You're not a monster, Bruce. You never were in my eyes."

"Yeah, avoiding me makes it so convincing." he snorts turning his back at you, a shirt already in his grasp. "Just say it, Y/N. I can take it. I'm not a child anymore that can't handle the truth."

Biting your lips, this was worse than you have actually anticipated. You watched Bruce ramble on and on about why he was a monster and why you have every right to avoid him. But that wasn't what truly had you speechless. It was this, this man that was aloof as he was had done nothing but bare his heart of to you. Show he was just pained as you were with this situation you've placed yourself in--placed the two of you in.

Was it still the adrenaline or your stupidity, you really didn't know as you surged towards him, lips mashing against his own. His lips was soft against your own. The taste of coffee and hint of mint. And just like that, the words in Bruce's mouth stopped and he was left just as stunned as your were for what you've done.

"I, I don't--I...I don't hate you, Bruce." you stutter, eyes refusing to meet his own yet again. "It's opposite really."

"Say it, Y/N."

"I love you, Banner." You muttered finally looking at him. "I love you and I know for a fact that you wouldn't want to be seen anywhere near me."

"What?"

"You're you. Smart, Got a good sense of humour. You care about me more than my parents ever did. You're the first person here in the compound that treated me more like a human instead of this asset or experiment."

It was now your turn to ramble on about why you don't deserve him. You knew very well why and whatever reason that would try to oppose those beliefs were quick to be stomped away. That was how your mind works, you don't deserve things, you work hard for anything and everything.

"Y/N close your eyes."

You blinked at  the sudden request, but the smile that now rested on Bruce's face assured you slightly. But knowing him, knowing he would be the last person to hurt you, your eyes finally closed.

In the darkness, you tried to calm you mind. As much as your trusted Bruce, the unknown scared you, the reason behind this situation worried you. to be this vulnerable in front of him, to be this defenceless.

The last thing you would have expected to happen was his lips against you own. Breathless, you open your eyes to see Bruce's own closed as the kiss continued. The gentle hands that had calmed you down in the training room were once again there to calm you don't. Gently you find yourself pulling more into the kiss, aching hands rested on his chest. The calm heart now coming alive against your fingertips.

Pulling away, Bruce opened his eyes, breathless just as you were and the uncertainty of just what happened finally becoming more an more evident. It was just how you would accept it at this point.

"Hope that's clear enough for you." Bruce muttered, now his own eyes refusing to meet your own. "Why you think so low of yourself? You're part of this team because you value civilian's safety more than our safety, more than your own safety that it's sometimes so annoying because I worry about you and your lack of safety."

You blinked, how the hell did this happen. One minute you were both self-deprecating yourselves, then the next minute it was lips and cheesy lines of admiration for one another.

"I'm not perfect. Far from it, but just seeing you avoid me. It makes it so hard for me to ignore my own thoughts. Maybe they were right." Bruce shrugged.

You shook your head, as much as you knew he wouldn't see. He really didn't know his worth, the irony that you yourself couldn't do the same. The smile just couldn't help but finally escape your lips before you head find solitude in his chest. The sound of his beating heart could do nothing but give you a calmness you didn't think you would need in your life.

"Can we start over." You whispered, the dysfunction that was the two of you wasn't ideal and you knew whatever this might end up becoming, it wouldn't be easy. Nothing was ever easy when it comes to the life they were living. But you knew you could make it work.

"What?"

Pulling away from him. You gentle punched his cheek seeing his lack of effort to block it. He knew just as much as you did that you will never hurt him intentionally.

"My name is Y/N Y/L/N and I love you, Dr. Bruce Robert Banner."

Shaking the man's shaking hand, you smiled as his hands held onto your own tighter and accepting the shake of hand.

"Nice meeting you, Y/N." he started, voice shaky. "My name is Bruce Banner, and I love you too."

With the smile only growing you both of your faces, you leaned once again for a kiss. Things will be alright between the two of you. A few bumps in the road would be a certainty. But you'll work on it. You both will.

"Who do you think Tony would start hounding first about the trashed Training room?" You asked after a second of silence between them.

"My guess is me. Might take a while to live down what just happened."

[life-rewritten]

GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!

Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:

Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?

THE NICE SURPRISES

BAKERY BOYS

Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking

Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!

Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.

FISH UPON THE SKY

Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?

 Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain. 

Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned). 

FINDING ENCHANTE

Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery, 

Verdicts: 

Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you. 

With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?

 The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing?  My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)

Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.  

Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose? 

Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is. 

Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!

Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening! 

THE BIG BOYS

GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying.  Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!

NOT ME 

Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst

Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it,  this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey. 

Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;

This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL. 

This isn't set in University.

This isn't'  unrequited pining from Gun to Off.

Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH. 

I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!

Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you. 

BAD BUDDY 

Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers, 

Verdict: 

You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,. 

Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV? 

Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded. 

Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it. 

Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.

A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS

 Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water, 

Verdict:

 And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!. 

Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it. 

After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait. 

[calliecat93]

Star Trek 2009... so... very mixed.

Let’s do the good first. The cinematography is really good. It FEELS like a futuristic time period moreso than TOS, but tbf the films have the advantage of being closer to modern day and being able to match the evolved times. Still, it’s very much a movie that wanted to look good and did. The acting for most pf the cast was good and I don’t have an issue with any of the reboot cast. No Chris Pine isn’t Shatner (and that’s a good thing) nor is Zachary Quinto Leonard Nimoy. But they and the others did their jobs well and I’m glad they all did their own thing and not just copy their predecessors. Simon Pegg as Scotty I really enjoyed amd I like his new friend XD And while I’m... mixed about the direction taken if only because it makes me sad, Leonard Nimoy returning as the Spock we’ve known or so long was lovely, especially when he and Quinto!Spock meet.

Some moments were good. I actually almost teared up when Kirk’s dad died because the actors just put so much emotion into it. I can’t say that there was no effort put into this. They tried to add emotion and meaning and depth. They tried to give Kirk and Spock (and yes, Bones being even MORE of a third wheel than normal REALLY pisses me off) depth and connect the audiences to them and form that connection with each other that we’re so familiar with. I respect that. I respect the effort. I’ve seen reboots that don’t give a damn, but it didn’t feel that way to me here especially with Nimoy!Spock showing that this may be different, but the original very much still exists.

That being said... I have some big issues, especially with Kirk. This is NOT James Tibirius Kirk. This is the pop culture depiction of Kirk that the filmmakers decided was better to go with than the actual character. And no, this being an alternate timeline and him being younger than in canon is NOT a valid excuse. I got told that the death of Kirk’s dad changed the course of history... but I fail to understand how THAT caused Kirk to be an arrogant, cocky, reckless idiot. Might be because his parents NEVER came up in the show so how can any TOS fans get that point if the show never went into it? I know I joke about Kirk doing something dumb, but TOS!Kirk was a perfectly smart, optimistic, level-headed individual who yeah WOULD go against Starfleet at times, but usually did so with good reason. Hell didn’t TOS say that he was overly serious int he academy amd lightened up as he got older? How did the timeline changes change that? Anyways! It felt like they wanted this Kirk to just be a standard action hero and didn’t bother to check if it fit the characterization, or do anything to justify the change aside from ‘different reality’. Like woth the Kobayashi Maru, it’s to emphasize Kirk’s cockiness here...when in WoK it emphasized Kirk’s optimism and hope. How he NEVER believed that there was a true no-win scenario. There was LWAYS a way. Don’t get me wrong, Kirk isn’t horrible and has the ability to become more like his TOS self, but first impressions are everything, and they failed here. Chris Pine was good though, I could actually picture how he played Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman fitting a Reboot Kirk pretty well but alas. Also his captaincy wasn’t earned nor is he mature enough to hold the position. It got handed to him because canon says so, and that is bullshit.

Spock was... fine. Far as characterization goes I don’t really have any issues. He’s not TOS Spock but again he shouldn’t be. It’s hard for me to find the words on how he’s different aside from being younger and seeming a little more resentful about the half-human, half-Vulcan thing, but it still works well enough. He and Sarek also seem on better terms in this continuity, and that I do like since it’s different, but consideirng the circumstances he needs that kind of solace and it allows exploration of their relationship in a more supportive light. Didn’t like Spock marooning Kirk like he did, but it does connect to his arc showing how emotional repression is affecting him, so ah well. I DO have issues with some of the directions taken though. His relationship with Uhura has no establishment nor development and comes across as being there for the sake of having a romance in there without the work. And no I’m not just saying that as a Spones/Spirk/McSpirk shipper. It WOULD have been fine if they actually WORKED ON DEVELOPING IT ON-SCREEN. And how did the timeline changes cause that when Uhura and him flirted like... once in TOS and it was one-sided on Uhura’s part anyways?! It sucks especially since I really like Reboot Uhura. I also don’t like them destroying Vulcan cause that feels like overkill on the angst, but at least they have an explanation for it. I DO however despise them killing Amanda and ESPECIALLY how they did it. Amanda is relegated tot he standard ‘pure hearted mom who we have to kill to hurt this character’ and considering how she died via a crumbling cliff just as transport started, the ‘changed timeline’ explanation is bull. Again I appreciate them trying to add more character stuff, but I very much disagree with the choices. But as far as the character himself is concerned, I was good with Spock andI did genuinely care for and feel bad for him.

Bones... oh baby you deserved so, SO much better. Characterization wise,he was the most like his TOS self. He comes across as more gruff than cranky,but that’s mainly due to Karl Urban being younger than DeForest Kelley. Otherwise he was funny, endearing, loyal to Jim, and Urban did a lovely job making the character his own but honoring his predecessor. Will also give them credit as Bones has a damn good reason to dislike Spock after he marooned Jim like he did. The film didnt give a damn about McCoy tbh, but we’ll get to that in a bit. But to put it short, I really liked Bones, but he REALLY needed more screentime which from what I can tell, isn’t gonna happen until Beyond. But as far as the character goes, I felt like they got his best though the lack of focus reason may very well be why that is. Very least I got fanon to satisfy my needs.

Now we get to my biggest criticism: The Triumvirate is non-existent here, nor does it form within the film. Again, I blame pop culture depiction as I imagine they went ‘we need Kirk and Spock to be close together and Bones is that guy who is Jim’s other best friend who has witty lines but ain’t Kirk and Spock so who cares?’. Which especially baffles me sonce the arguments Kirk and Spock have regaridng emotion? That’s MCCOY’S role. They got the Kirk and Spock relationship completely and utterly wrong. Nor do I feel like the film dod enough to form the relationship between the two. It just feels like they became friends because the plot said so, not out of genuine understanding and care. Kirk was one of, if not the first to accept Spock for who he was and respect him. That’s what made the relationship special. But their edforts to establish it here just fall flat because they made Kirk Spock’s opposite, aka McCoy’s role. McCoy is the one who challenges Spock. The one who pushes him to consider the emotional. He can be harsh, but it is a dynamic that worked. Kirk os their balance. The one who keeps the two in check and they in turn represented the two sides (mind and heart) that he (the body/soul) needed to make the proper decisions. But because of the choices made with Kirk and Bones, the balance is theown off. Spock is more or less fine but Bones loses his importance while Kirk has his character skewed to make it work. General audiences may not be able to tell, but as someone who just watched all of TOS and those films two weeks ago? I could, and it hurt the film significantly imo. Also kind of wish they emphasized that Spock ALSO needs Bones and the rest of the crew, not just Jim because emphasis on just one relationship ALWAYS annoys me, especially since again, they didn’t do well to form it here to begin with. So yeah they missed the aspect that made me love TOS, so needless to say I am displeased. I plan to do a full film review in the future so I won’t say how I’d improve it, especially since hindsight is 20/20, but yeah not happy.

Otherwise, the film is fine. Uhura, Scotty, Sulu,and Chekov are fine, the former two I especially enjoyed. The plot is fone. Nero is a boring villain but for a start, it’s okay. I didn’t like Vulcan’s destruction at alla nd what that means for Spock, but we’ll see how the other two films continue this. I don’t know how I feel about Prime Spock because it just makes me... depressed that he has to accept never going home (even if Bones and the others are dead it just feels... wrong) but I DO appreciate that they included Nimoy and he was just as fantastic as he had been all those years ago. I have so many problems with characterization and plot points, but tbf that’s from someone who just went through TOS. As far as a general audience goes, they likely won’t have that filter and some may be more of the ‘timeline changed so this stuff changed’ explanation than I, a media consumer who has seen this happen over and over again to varying degrees of success’, may be. Otherwise the film was fine. If you like action and want a blockbuster, this one is for you. But I’m in it for characterization and story and while the latter worked well enough in the general sense,t he former was severely lacking. So while it was okay and it got me excited/to laugh a few tomes, overall I didn’t care for the film. Will Into Darkness be any better? Well... from what I can tell no. But I also need to make my own judgements, so onward we go.

[blackasmidnightcats]

Tagatha Ramblings

So . . . For me it's really unique to find the dynamic that Tagatha has and how it was handled.

I think everyone in the fandom agrees that it's only in TLEA that leveled up their game and it leveled it up GOOD.

So much so that by QfG how the narrative managed to deconstruct their moments is legendary enough that it's one of the reasons (for me at least and some others I think) that the fandom decided to hibernate for sometime and with it I think Soman's activity also started to kinda decrease.

Off topic though it's kinda unnerving how quiet we are again conscidering that it's just a few more months before OTK and Soman's not really helping with all of his random content. Hopefully this changes in the upcoming months.

But anyways, I really hope that we get some well deserved Tagatha romantic scenes in OTK cause aCoT did not provide enough to please.

Book 1 Tagatha was not just the baby, it was basically the fetus. They were a concept both as individuals and as a couple. Maybe a few characterizations here and there were sprinkled all throughout book 1 but it wasn't enough to convince everyone that they were this legendary love story told for eons.

Ngl, this was one of the reasons why I decided to pick up this book. I didn't know if it was going to be told in a well developed sense but at that time I wanted to read something like that anyways and so I did.

I jumped immediately in the Agatha train cause book 1 Agatha was incredibly funny, endearing, and understandable. She had her issues and doubts about herself but most of all I loved how selfless she can be when it counts. She's tough yes and brave as hell but it's her selflessness that really gets me cause in the end of the day that's one of the things that makes Agatha. . . well Agatha.

Book 1 Tedros . . . was something. I liked him but not as much as how I do now. I liked the few moments where it showed how he was sweet and was willing to overlook things (even though they were ill directed cause he was still pretty much being ignorant) he clearly has a different view from others caused he's the son of some pretty legendary people and is also aware of how untrue their "Ever After" is.

But of course there's his hotheadedness and ignorance that gets him in serious trouble that he's gonna regret and has regreted since.

Regarding my feelings for Book 1 Tagatha it was detached at best. They were an interesting concept but brought me so much pain in the first half of the book cause Sophie's selfishness, Agatha's low self-esteem, and Tedros's ignorance.

And by the time the book was almost ending and just then did Tagatha even start to like each other (and not in a believable way at that) it was kinda late for them but I did not have my doubts about then ending up together cause tropes and such even with the very obvious Agaphie red-herrings.

So basically Book 1 Tagatha was a fun trope that Soman managed to make an interesting story out of but it wasn't groundbreaking.

And I liked the tropes that Tagatha embody. I liked that Agatha was a cranky, goth that happened to be a princess and also liked how she still couldn't believe it but was obviously relieved that she was somewhat acceptable and capable of being loved after being shunned her whole life by her town. (She can be such a babey that we need to protect)

And I liked that Tedros was the perfect, fairy tale prince complete with golden blond hair and crystal blue eyes and was pretty much good at everything (except for some logical sense I guess) but was dramatic as hell and sometimes so sweet and another was incredibly annoying.

And of course I liked that Tagatha was a combination of this but I hated how it was executed in Book 1.

Book 2 Tagatha was a mess and even more so for Agatha and Tedros themselves.

I guilty for falling for the momentary dark, yandere Tedros in the beginning but even I knew he was being a possessive, obsessed dick and I kinda wanted to forget everything else except when he admitted he WAS being a dick and chose Agatha. . . and then I wanted to forget everything else again.

While Agatha was. . . Agatha was done dirty in Book 2. I honestly can't think of anything much positive to say about her in Book 2 aside from the angst when she wanted to stay with Proffesor Sader cause she felt safe. I honestly think that Soman didn't quite know how to handle her cause she. . . was treated AS the princess but at the same time didn't really show those characteristics that made her a princess in Book 1. She was still selfless and brave but that it got kinda overshadowed by her anxiety over Sophie becoming a witch again.

That problem wasn't even solved in Book 2. It just kinda seemed like it dissapeared and Agatha just accepted that Sophie might always want to kill her cause she can't help it. Plus there might be the involvement of guilt cause Agatha did abandon Sophie at the end of Book 2 but then again that situation is complicated.

Thankfully by Book 3 we got somewhere and some things that needs to be discussed WAS discussed.

The Tagatha development in Book 3 is still unparalleled even when they're literaly engaged as of TCY.

Tedros really did shine in this Book. He still showed some signs of being ignorant to certain faults in his character but once aware of them, he made sure to square up. Compared to Agatha, I liked that Tedros took it up to himself to approach the very obvious problem between them and fix it caused he's doesn't want to loose Agatha over anything may it be his own stupidity or her stupidity. They were getting through this together.

Agatha was different. I believe that she went back to her roots and while she has problems with confronting problems with other people involved, she has no problem looking into herself and reflecting on everything for the sake of everyone else.

The Tagatha moments were delicious. From the small things such as Tedros trying to make their obviously unique relationship normal and Agatha's random spouts of jealousy and insecurity to the more dramatic moments such as the forever iconic Moores Scene.

They grew both as individuals and as a couple in this book and it was beautiful.

But then QfG happened and I think Soman was easily swayed by outside forces that influenced his story telling.

TLEA Tagatha standards were so high that QfG somewhat destroyed (my) trust in Soman to give these two the needed narrative.

But for now this is end of my ramblings.

[insanelycooljk]

IF UR STILL DOIN THESE can i ask about your roleswap au? oR the evan is a compulsive liar one, whichever! @bandtrees

send me the title of one of my deh wips and I’ll share an excerpt/tell you a bit about it  

(you can read my reply about the “maybe evan really IS a compulsive liar” one here)

Oh boy the roleswap au... honestly this is an idea I’ve had for a really long time that I kind of forgot about, but then Kayla’s jared dies! au inspired me to revisit it. In a suprise to absolutely no one lmao, there’s a whole lot of angst. Like, I’d kind of forgotten what the plot was, and when I went back and read over my notes for it the other day I made MYSELF cry. So uhhh, yeah, this one’s gonna hurt

The concept is very simple, and I’m sure has been done before, but basically Evan and Connor (and Jared and Zoe to an extent) swap roles. So Evan dies, and Connor writes a therapy letter which gets mistaken for Evan’s suicide note. On that, obviously trigger warning for suicide.

Alright so this wip still needs a lot of work because I’m still trying to narrow it down to a single cohesive plot and figure out how to keep it in character (for instance I just can’t see Connor forming the equivalent of The Connor Project and dragging out the lie to that extent) But, here’s what I’ve got at the moment!

The first day of school is almost identical to canon, so I won’t get into that, but Evan still had his attempt over the summer and hence has his broken arm. I mean yeah, maybe Evan’s dialogue is a little different because he’s struggling more with his depression, but I don’t see his second attempt as necessarily being planned. It’s more of an impromptu “finish what I started” decision he makes after having an awful first day back at school

The only real change from canon at this point is the letter. It’s a therapy assignment for Connor rather than Evan.

The scene where Evan prints his letter and Connor signs his cast is essentially the same as canon too, except obviously Connor is the one writing the letter. Evan is just in the library to print out some homework or something for school.

After they talk/Connor signs his cast, Evan goes over to the printer to grab his own thing, and sees the page underneath has “Dear Connor Murphy” written at the top. Evan assumes it’s Connor’s, so in an attempt to be nice, grabs it as well.

Aaaaand here’s where the angst really starts. Originally I was going to do a whole kleinphy thing by fully switching Zoe and Jared. But then I had an excellent (aka horrible) idea.

So Connor’s finished letter still follows the same format of Evan’s as [today was NOT an amazing day] [talking about Zoe/Jared] [sad shit].

Except here’s the thing. The morning was essentially the same as canon, which means Jared still made the awful school shooter joke. So sure, Connor mentions Jared in his letter, but he’s got nothing nice to say. As he’s venting about how today wasn’t an amazing day, he writes a few lines about how Jared is a fucking asshole and he can’t believe he ever thought that they could actually be friends.

... Yeah. I’m sure you can already guess how that is going to turn out :(

But the angst doesn’t stop there. Evan clearly isn’t going to see Jared’s name in Connor’s letter and freak out because he thinks Connor has a crush on him. That just... makes zero sense lmao. But you know what Evan might think when he sees Jared’s name? Especially after Jared was a dick to Evan at the start of the day?

That they’re making fun of him.

“D-did Jared put you up to this?”

“… What?”

“He… you’re making fun of me. Both of you.”

Connor can see Evan’s spiralling into some sort of panic attack, knows he probably shouldn’t push but he’s got no clue what the fuck Evan is talking about.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“That’s why you came to apologise and-, and why you signed my cast, you two are making fun of me.”

“What? I wasn’t-“

Evan’s not even listening, he just keeps talking like he can’t hear Connor at all.

“I can’t believe I thought you were being nice to me.” He chokes out a bitter laugh that sounds more like sob. “But no, it’s just one of Jared’s stupid jokes.”

Connor’s speechless. Has no clue what to say because this just makes no fucking sense at all.

Evan’s full-on hyperventilating now, taking these huge shuddering breaths. Connor’s kind of worried Evan might pass out on him if he doesn’t do something

“Evan hey, just breathe.”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, finally making eye contact. “I-I have to, have to go.”

And then Evan runs out of the room because he’s definitely having a panic attack and he needs to get away.

Connor is just kind of standing there staring at the door, trying to figure out what the fuck just happened. Feels like shit because he was actually enjoying talking to Evan, but no somehow he managed to ruin it. 

It takes Connor a minute before he realises Evan still has his letter. He calls out after Evan but he’s long gone.

Then we switch to Heidi’s POV. She gets a phone call while at work from Evan’s therapist’s office saying he never showed up to his appointment after school.

Heidi never forgives herself for this after the fact, but her first reaction is to feel kind of annoyed. She knew Evan didn’t want to go to his session today when she booked it, but she was just trying to do the right thing because she knows Evan always struggles starting back at school. Plus therapy costs money, they don’t exactly give you a refund/cancellation fee for not showing up, and they just can’t afford to be paying for therapy sessions Evan isn’t even attending right now.

She is a little concerned though. It’s not the first time Evan’s skipped an appointment, but he usually only does it if he’s had a particularly bad panic attack that day. But she isn’t worried enough to leave work early, which kills her later. Heidi wonders if she had of gone straight home if she could’ve been there quick enough.

I don’t want to go into this in too much detail, but I’m thinking Evan ODs. The tree thing didn’t work out last time so he figures he better try something else. He feels bad that this definitely couldn’t be interpretted as an accident like his fall was, but he just... doesn’t care anymore.

And god, Heidi finds him when she gets home from work, and somehow her being a nurse makes it so much worse because she knows it’s too late. Of course she still tries everything she can, and she kind of dissociates into work mode so she can put some of her panic aside, but she knows.

But... I don’t really want to write that because it’s too sad even for me lol. So the scene will probably just end with Heidi coming home and getting a bad feeling when she calls out to Evan and he doesn’t reply. It’s not the most out of character thing, because Heidi’s assuming he must have had a really bad panic attack since he ditched therapy, so he’s probably exhausted and having a sleep. But when she goes to Evan’s room to check on him her heart stops.

The next couple of days Connor mirrors Evan in canon. He’s getting antsy that Evan stole his letter and now hasn’t been at school.

I haven’t quite worked out what Zoe’s role will be yet, so I’m not sure if she’ll act as Connor’s sole confidant (like Jared is for Evan) or not. It’d make sense since Jared is kind of taking Zoe’s place, but I just don’t think it will work given the current state of her and Connor’s relationship. Either way, whether he told Zoe or not, Connor is getting really paranoid about Evan/the letter.

It’s been 3 days now since Evan took his letter and he’s still not at school.

Jared’s been away too, but he’s back today and is acting really fucking weird. He’s wearing like... a plain hoodie or something which is very unlike Jared, and he just looks really exhausted and has none of his usual arrogance. Plus he keeps staring at Connor and giving him these weird looks.

Connor’s so stressed about this stupid letter that he’s contemplating asking Jared where the hell Evan is, but he’s seriously freaking Connor out right now.

Before Connor has a chance to make up his mind about whether he should try to talk to Jared, he gets called to the principal’s office. And so the lie begins lmao.

But god... the amount of extra angst of NOT going the kleinphy route and instead having Connor write bad things about Jared in the letter is just... pure evil genius if I do say so myself

Like, imagine Jared’s parents going to see Heidi and do whatever they can to be there for her and make sure she’s ok, and Jared kind of numbly getting ready to go with them, only for his parents to explain that Heidi doesn’t exactly want to see him right now because of what Evan wrote in his note... ouch.

And god that just makes Jared sick to his stomach because what the hell did Evan say about him? And once he gets to actually read the “note” himself he really is sick.

And since his family is obviously very close with Heidi it really puts a strain on Jared’s relationship with his parents too, because they’re clearly extremely disappointed in him for doing whatever it was that made Evan write THAT

Just the whole Kleinman/Hansen dynamic would be so complicated. (but it will be fun to write!)

And oh boy... remember the amount of horrific hate Zoe recieved when Alana posted Evan’s letter online? Connor’s letter outright says something along of the lines of Jared is a fucking asshole/why did I ever think we could possibly be friends/etc. I haven’t worked out the exact wording yet because getting the letter right is just... so critical to the fic lol, but yeah if it gets posted online? yikes.

So anyway, that’s the roleswap au. I’m still working out the more specific plot details of this one, but I think it’s got some alright potential. There’s going to be a lot of tension between Jared and Connor as Jared struggles to decide whether or not he believes Connor, and as Connor finds it increasingly difficult to lie to Jared. Hmm you know on second thought maybe a kleinphy subplot doesn’t sound so bad 🤔 but just more of a slowburn angle which doesn’t start until after Evan dies... much to think about hahaha

I like to think Jared works out the truth on his own eventually, which leads to a gfy-esque fight. And whilst Zoe might take on Jared’s role in a way, Alana will be pretty much the same as she is in canon. Because for her it was always more about the message of the project than the actual person.

[rankdisasster]

thick as thieves

“I am going to give you angst because... let’s face it, we love it. two and five.” requested by @fortheloveofhargrove​

#2: “Close the door.”

#5: “Why are you helping me?” from dialogue prompts

warning(s): swearing

a/n: takes place in California, starting as Billy being a dickish 15 y/o. it goes on from there, you’ll know when there’s a little time skip. enjoy:)

—

“Jesus, what’s it gonna take to get you to stop squirming?”

“You are about to stick a needle in my ear, I think I’m allowed to be a little nervous. Won’tchu just cut me some slack, alright?” Billy snaps back at you, no doubt getting wound up because of the risk he’s taking doing this.

Billy has his arms tightly grasped around a throw pillow he stole from the couch, bracing himself for the upcoming pain of doom. His eyes have been squeezed shut as you take the melting ice cube between your fingers and delicately hold it up behind his earlobe. You’ve yet to even puncture him with the needle and he’s already sweating buckets. The teenage boy had asked you to hurry up and get it over with three times already, not even helping you out the slightest bit by staying still while bossing you around either. Typically, your role being the ‘smart one’ in your long lasting friendship would assign you the task of talking him out of wanting to do a foolish thing like this. On one hand, he had plenty of safer alternatives as opposed to going to you, an amateur, for getting the accessory punched in to his ear.

This ever changing dynamic of your platonic relationship had been set aside by the boy since you two started high school this year. He stopped taking the bus with you to and from school since his temperamental father started giving him lessons on how to drive. Another petty example of pretending he didn’t even know you was saying nothing when he passed by you in the halls, or stopped ringing you late at night when he needed help studying or just to talk. Other small things had added up to you barely hearing from him unless he wanted something from you; in this case, a free piercing job. It was hard to deny, but you’d refused to confess how your heart jumped at the opportunity of spending an evening with him again just like old times.

Unsurprisingly, the teenage boy didn’t bother making small talk about his day or giving you virtually any clue about the trouble he had been up to during these recent weeks ghosting you. Of course Billy didn’t care much for what you had to say either, he only wanted one thing and one thing only.

“Stop being a brat for five seconds, then I’ll cut you some slack,” you bite back. He’d rolled his eyes then gasped harshly at the sight of you picking up the freshly cleaned and heated needle from the coffee table. “Want me to count to three or surprise you?”

“Uh, surprise me.”

“Kay. What is this even for, anyway? Last I checked this one’s the gay ear,” you snort, watching him freeze up and widen his anxious blue eyes.

“Wait, WHAT!” he howled in a panic, giving you the perfect opportunity to stick the sharp end right through the lobe, watching him cringe and practically catch flies with his wide open mouth. “Ow, fuck!”

“You told me you wanted it to be a surprise,” you smugly point out, wiping your hands on a napkin after finishing the favor. He sends you a glare at your trickery before getting up and going to the mirror that hangs in your living room.

“Hell yeah. Not too shabby, Y/N. Thanks,” he smirks at his reflection, scoping out the brand new element to his ‘cool guy’ image. Not taking his eyes off his appearance, the boy continues fiddling with his hair and turning his head at different angles to inspect the fresh hole in his lobe. You’ve sat back and crossed your arms, rolling your eyes so far back at his disgusting vanity. He might as well be humping and kissing the mirror right in your own damn house. After getting noticed by all of the popular pretty girls and patted on the back by all the designated cool guys, he thinks his dick grew over ten feet in size or something, and you’ve been downgraded on his list of priorities.

Being the best of buds since elementary school, Billy’s had your back along every step of the way growing up. You’d write all the answers to tests on his forearm for him, he’d keep all the bullies away from you. Each of you would take turns sharing lunch every week. His favorite thing to gobble up at any given chance was your squeezable applesauce, and your favorite snack coming from his lunchbox was always string cheese. There was barely ever a moment you’d be seen without each other.

Middle school went by in a flash of painful and awkward moments, but despite all the friends he made in Little League Baseball, he for some reason still stuck around with you. Maybe you couldn’t do the same sleepovers like you used to as pre-pubescent children, but he’d still give you your favorite string cheese and hugged you tight whenever you wore a frown.

Now, both in your freshman year of high school, things weren’t as easily labeled as black or white. There were cliques and expectations that Billy abided by, and you just didn’t fit in with any of that. Instead of letting you down easy, it was more of a hurtful shock the day he decided to ditch you at lunch for the girls that had been eyeballing him during gym class. Now, not only did he try his best to bury your friendship somewhere deep and never touch it again, you’d went great lengths to avoid any confrontation with him or his posse.

That all just went to shit for the first time today, when he approached you about said earring. You didn’t know how to say no, and you weren’t sure you could if you tried.

“Okay, Kiefer Sutherland, you got what you asked. Why the hell would you want some douchey hanging earring anyway? That a new trend or somethin’ I don’t know about?” you ask, not hiding your judgement the slightest bit. He throws his denim jacket over his bare shoulder exposed from the muscle tee he’d been wearing, then gives you a cheeky grin before answering.

“Sammy Anderson from bio said it’d look good on me. You know her, brunette with the legs. She thinks it’s pretty gnarly,” he nods his head back and forth, sucking his bottom lip with his teeth before not long after snapping out of whatever daze he had been in.

“Since when did you even give a shit what people thought looked good on you?”

“Since they started actually telling me,” he shrugs, not caring how pathetic it may be that he went through all this trouble just for one off-hand comment some girl from class made. You hide your scoff with a forced laugh, walking passed him and bumping shoulders on your way to the kitchen. Billy furrows his brows at your attitude and the diss, following you to where you’ve been preparing a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios for yourself.

“‘S the matter with you, huh? I thought you wanted to hang out again,” he asks, confused by the conflicting mixed signals you’d been sending. You chomp on your Cheerios and take your time swallowing the satisfying bite before looking up at him.

“I never said that.”

“Well, correct me if I’m wrong, but who called whose house every night then turned into a jealous bummer as soon as one of them started making better friends?” he asks rhetorically, petting his chin and pretending like it’s some thought provoking question. You can’t believe the audacity he had calling you a jealous bummer when he left you for good without batting an eye at the loss of friendship. Your chair screeched as it dragged on the floor when you stood up out of it, keeping your bowl in your arms before showing him the door. You nod your head towards the exit wordlessly as Billy stubbornly stays put, not through with his point yet.

“Well, Kiefer, this bummer is asking you to leave. I got you your stupid fucking earring like I promised, and let’s hope you know how to keep it from getting infected, otherwise I’m done listening to you and your new inflated ego.” you finished, ending your speech with a slurp of the milk from your cereal bowl, waiting for him to take himself out. Billy calls it a day, shaking his head and saying more pussy accusations under his breath before making it to the door, stopping to invade your space.

“This better not be in the fuckin’ gay ear, or you’ll be hearing from me again, just so you know—“

And with that, you slammed the door in his face and locked it before sauntering back to the kitchen, carefree as you pour yourself another bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.

—

Your freshman year went by without anything to really mark it as a special year. Maybe you met a few new faces, people a year above your grade that were kind enough to show you around and give you a better outlook on what high school could be. Billy only gained more and more followers, becoming the alpha dog at only fifteen years old with eighteen-year-old’s wanting to have him or be him.

With the new earring you’d pierced for him, Sammy Anderson was always seen pawing at him like an annoying house cat, and he’d put on a show most likely just for your eyes in particular. To make you envy the brunette, Billy would strut around the halls he knew you walked through like a catwalk, hoping you’d see and think he was all that. Sammy, for some reason, couldn’t pass any ninth grade classes although she was a junior, she still shared a few periods with a freshman Billy. She was shameless about riding the fifteen-year-old’s dick, and had been made aware of you being the prime target for where and when they show their public displays of affection.

You really could give a shit about the drama he put you through anymore. Yeah, it really hurt having someone you stood by a good chunk of your life leave, but there was nothing you could do about it. Other than just find your place and where you belong on the food chain of high school, which wasn’t much to brag about. You had your humble few friends that were loyal and been told about your past with Billy Hargrove. They couldn’t believe with your personality and his transformation that you’d ever been affiliated with him in the first place, and honestly you couldn’t believe it either.

Sophomore year was starting now, and it was getting to be the season for those annoying high school dances that every movie or book goes on and on about. Less than thrilled but obligated to attend, the dance was in full swing when you’d arrived in your outfit of choice. Dressing up wasn’t ideal, but you’d made somewhat of an effort trying to be presentable for the expectations that these gatherings hold. After finding your group and huddling close together, you’d excused yourself for a bathroom break and walked down the empty and eerily quiet hall to the restrooms. You had no idea what you were in for when you stepped on someone’s foot that was completely covered by the dark.

“Christ! The fuck is your problem, huh?” the all too familiar voice had shouted in anger before the sound of runny sniffling followed. He pulled the foot you had stepped on further away so that you couldn’t do it again and cursed again under his breath. Of course, it was none other than your long lost bestest friend Billy.

“Jeez, sorry. Not my fault you’re sitting in the fuckin’ darkness,” you defend yourself, still terrified by the disadvantage you have being unable to see a goddamn thing. As if God himself had been listening to your thoughts, a dim light turned on and illuminated parts of the hallway, as well as a disheveled and evidently heartbroken Billy curled up on the floor, holding onto his knees. The tux he wore had been loosened, and his hair looked like he’d ran his fingers through it one too many times out of stress. He looked like a fucked up mess.

Just as you were staring him up and down, a stuttered exhale had fallen from the boy’s lungs as his hands desperately scrubbed at his watery eyes. It didn’t take a degree in psychology or whatever the fuck else to gather what’s going on here.

You approached him cautiously, as gentle as approaching a frightened deer, knowing how deeply sensitive and guarded Billy is at all times. The walls he’d built while playing the role of California’s resident fuckboy. You’d seen him cry only a handful of times, and that was mostly when you were kids and had excuses to cry about everything. Kid cut him in line, or made fun of the design on his lunchbox. Basic things that children often cry at, but you’d remembered the one night you saw him fall apart right in front of you the night his mom had fled without a trace. All the questions Billy and even you had about her whereabouts were still unanswered, but that never got brought up again after the breakdown he’d suffered through while huddled up in your arms. The poor thing was was so confused, not even knowing if his mom had kicked the bucket or just wanted the fuck away from her husband, even if that meant leaving her son.

Point is, it was always a rollercoaster when Billy got emotional, and you just so happened to walk right into him while he was in the middle of one of his fits.

“Oh. It’s you,” the teen grumbled, obviously disappointed at you being the one to catch him having an episode in the dark hallway outside the school’s dance.

“Hey, uh... What’s going on here?”

“I’m a fucking idiot who should know better is what’s going on. That’s exactly what you wanna hear though, isn’t it?” he hisses, dark and twisted as he fails to hide the runny nose and tears spurting down his cheeks. Immedietely forgetting all the shit you both went through freshman year, you bowed down to his level and sat by where he layed dejected and despondent on the ground.

“Not exactly what I wanna hear,” you murmur, looking at him before touching his arm with apprehension. When he didn’t shoo away from your grasp, you thanked God that Billy didn’t snap at you and tell you to piss off. You’d been pleasantly surprised at that moment when instead he leaned further into your touch, covering his face with his palm as he sniffles in misery.

“I see you put a new earring in, pretty kickass. Bet the ladies love it,” you admire the cheesy new gothic pendant that dangles from his ears. Anything to get his mind off of what’s troubling him will count as a win in your book.

“What ladies, you mean Sammy Anderson? She just dumped my ass in there and started dancing with some other white trash asshole. Figures,” he takes a red and white box out of the pocket of his suit and you notice that it’s Marlboro Red cigarettes. You weren’t in the loop of what he’d been up to since starting high school, but smoking seemed to be new. He lights it up and puffs on it like a natural, like he’d been doing that his entire life, and it’s a sad picture for you to see. The snot bleeding from his nostrils hasn’t quit, and you snatch a back up tissue from your bag and hand it over without thinking twice. The broken boy looks from the tissue then back to you a couple times before taking it and blowing his nose. When he dunks it in the trash can and makes it in, you cheer him on and give a lighthearted high five. After the brief moment of silliness is over, Billy looks over to you with bewilderment in his eyes.

“Why are you helping me?”

“People grow apart all the time, Billy. It’s the most natural thing in the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t care for your well being,” you reason, biting your tongue to keep from saying anything more that you may regret in the long run.

“Uh, yeah. Guess you’re right. I care about your like... well being and stuff too,” he mumbles, taking another drag of nicotine before offering you a hit.

You shake your head and hold up your hand.

“No thanks. I came here to use the restroom is all,” you move to get up from the floor before Billy is quick to join you.

“Yeah, go ahead. Just one thing real quick, I wanted to say sorry. All the shit I pulled last year wasn’t cool at all. But I’m always here for you too, yeah?” he confirms, gazing into your eyes making you freeze on the spot.

“It’s alright. I’m about to piss myself right now though, so I’m gonna go,” you chuckle, pointing towards the ladies restroom. The boy is quick to laugh with you, urging you to do your business.

“Wait, Y/N,” he calls out, standing at the end of the hall by the entrance to where the dance is still being held.

“Yeah?” you shout back, bladder close to giving out as you stand by to watch Billy fumble from the end of the hall before hushing:

“You look really beautiful tonight. Whoever you’re with is lucky as hell.”

—

Junior year comes, and you and Billy haven’t properly spoken since the dance when you’d caught him crying in the dark and accidently stepped on his foot.

He hadn’t calmed down on his ruthless antics, but they’re not directed towards antagonizing you, so that’s a plus. You had accepted that he just wasn’t apart of the path you’d been on and you weren’t apart of his. How the circle of life goes, or whatever.

Billy had found himself yet another new beau, Ashley something, her last name had escaped your mind. He’d still been just as obnoxious with his frequent PDA tendencies at school and elsewhere. You had shared a class with her last year, so you know at least this time she’s his age, but you don’t know anything deeper than that. He wouldn’t ignore you when you passed by each other in the halls, giving you a pointed look and a little wave, which you returned every time. Unbeknownst to you, his group that ruled the whole school always wondered how the hell he even knew you and why he’d never forgot to acknowledge you if he saw you anywhere. The blomde would just tell them to keep their fucking noses from his business and never mess with you or any of your friends.

On this night, for the first time in three years, Billy had invited you to come over, insisting actually. Over the phone he made it clear he wasn’t taking no for an answer. He chewed on his fingernails while anxiously chainsmoking, his leg tapping up and down so fast it might as well fall off. He’d been waiting for your arrival the last fifteen minutes, counting the minutes and even the seconds until you finally show up. It was a hasty knock on his bedroom door that made the boy throw himself out of the chair he’d been seated in and take a deep breath. Temporarily setting his smoke down on the window sill, he raised his voice when telling you to come in.

You’d opened the door and walked in like you’d never been here before. It was difficult for Billy to see, remembering all the days you used to come in and make yourself at home in his room. All the toy cars and dinosaurs he’d collected had disappeared, now replaced with various colognes and mountains of hair gel, as well as more jewelry strung around every surface. You were astonished seeing a set up of heavy weights in the corner too, but you’d neglected to notice him grow bigger and bulkier as he matured.

“Close the door,” he whispers, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans as your eyes got bigger at the serious tone the boy had used. You softly shut it all the way, unsure about what it is Billy wanted from you this time.

“So uh, you want me to pierce anything else? A nipple maybe?” you joke, trying to ease the unbearable tension that’s making the bedroom seem claustrophobic and stuffy. Billy doesn’t laugh, feeding more into the uneasy feeling stirring in your gut and instead sits on the edge of his bed and pats right next to him, signaling for you to take a seat. You swallow audibly before doing as you were told, crossing your arms and legs on the firm mattress, thinking it’ll somehow soothe how frightened you are of whatever he’s about to tell you.

“You want one?” he offers you another one of his Marlboro’s, this time a blue pack as opposed to the red’s he smoked at the school dance.

“No. I told you I didn’t smoke,” you remind him, which he nods in understanding.

“You don’t mind if I smoke in here though, do you?“

“Fucking A, just tell me what this is all about, Billy! You invite me over for the first time in years and you’re acting real fucking weird, so if you would just... just spit it out already—“

“I’m moving outta California.”

You pause, needing to get a better grip on your rapid beating heart that’s going as fast a drum solo from some rock band tune. Billy stares at you intently, waiting to see what your reaction will be like. When he receives nothing but a gawking expression still smothered on your face, he goes on to give you more details of his departure from California.

“I’m uh, I’m leaving. Overheard my old man talking on the phone, we’ll all be outta here by the end of the month. He wasn’t even planning on telling me until the day of,” Billy explains, his lip trembling up and down at the thought of leaving everything, his home, and especially you behind.

“W-Where?” you choke out, not knowing what the fuck to even say besides spouting the endless questions swarming your mind. Billy looks at you and copies what you did the night of the school dance when he was the one in pain, touching your arm and wrapping it with his palm. He rubs his thumb in circles there for a bit.

“Some shithole town in Indiana,” he answers before going on to the reason why he had invited you here other than just giving you the news. “I um, I wanna ask you to do something,” he stutters, one dramatic tear dropping down a cheek from his right eye as he holds your arm tight as if you’ll flee away if he ever let go.

“Sure, Bill. I’ll do anything,” your hand reaches to cup his cheek to comfort him, learning that touching him when he’s in distress always helps more than it hurts.

“Come with me, please,” he invokes, leaning further into your touch as the bridge he’s spent years building keeping everybody out shatters, leaving him wipe open and terrified of being left alone. Starting all over again his senior year in some dried up small town, without his childhood best friend roaming the same halls as he will. “I’m serious. You’ll... we can do it together. Just like old times, right?” he asks, pulling what looks to be your infamous favorite snack, a cheese stick from his back pocket and handing it over to you, hope in his eyes.

“Are you fucking insane?” you withdrawal from him, not taking the stick of cheese and waiting for the punchline of some sick joke he’s pulling. Billy cannot possibly be serious, his only bribe for you to come with him being some snack he used to give you as a kid. He had the balls to think he could perfectly replace your family and your friends just for his own selfish needs and a stick of cheese.

“No. Right now I’m sure as shit making way more sense that I ever have in the past three goddamn years, Y/N. I fucking love you, and the thought of being away from you is making me fucking sick,” the boy grimaces, wishing he could pull you close to him again but the chance of getting your permission isn’t likely.

“You.... what?”

“I know. But you love me too, I can see that you do.”

“Dude, your shroom dealer is amazing. Wanna hook me up sometime, or—“

“Stop fucking around and be straight with me, okay! There’s no way in hell any of this was friendly from the start, you don’t cheer up your cryin’ ex-best friend on the floor just because you’re some goddamn saint. You did it because that’s love, alright?” he stands up, pointing his finger at you as tears stream freely out of his broken blue eyes.

“This is a joke, right? I gotta be dreaming or something,” you squeeze your eyes shut and try pinching your arm in an attempt to wake up from alternate reality you’re helplessly trapped in. Billy gets down on his knees and grasps both your wrists in his heads, staring at you dead in the eye.

“Sammy Anderson didn’t mean fucking jack to me, okay. Same goes with Ashley, too. You’re it for me. Don’t you understand?”

“No, I don’t. You aren’t supposed to ditch who you love just to chase some tail! You left me, only coming to me if you needed something from me; now you want me to take some big leap of faith for you? After all you’ve done?”

Billy hangs his head in his hands in agony before pacing around the perimeter or his room back and forth. He doesn’t know what else to say, so logic has officially left the building. Now he’s receded to throwing up all his deep secrets hoping it’ll have some affect on you or make you do something, anything.

“Y’know, when I lost my virginity to Sammy in the chick’s bathroom at school... I thought of you the entire time. She didn’t even fuckin’ blink twice after I said your name instead a’ hers, she just kept going—“

You plug your ears, desperate to tune out the boy’s filthy story telling, throwing his own pillow at him to get him to knock it off. He catches it with a stealthy hand, keeping his grip on it as he listens to you whine and moan.

“Aw, c’mon man! we could’ve easily kept discussing this without any of your dirty—“

“Stop it. Stop stalling and give me an answer right here, right now. Tell me if you love me too.”

You scrape your scalp, dreading having this painful conversation, dreading giving him the ugly truth. Once upon a time if he would’ve done this sooner, your answer would’ve been different.

“I... I just can’t keep this up, Billy. I can’t do it anymore. I gave so many parts of myself up for you, but it’s too late now. I won’t throw everything I have here away just so you can use me when I’m convenient, alright? Fucking...” you look up, watching as your childhood best friend crumbles to the floor and hugs the pillow to his chest, eerily similar to the time you pierced his ear for him in the ninth grade. You swiftly sit up off of the bed, going down to his level again, just like the night of the school dance. Getting ready to give him more soothing, encouraging words, something like ‘it’ll be alright’ or a promise of visiting him in the near future, all of that gets ripped away from you when he makes his next move.

Without any warning whatsoever, Billy takes your jaw and smashes his lips to yours, forcefully pressing you further into him. The pillow he’d been clutching had fallen to the ground between the two of you.

This was the last fucking straw, and you’re exhausted to shit now.

You shove him off of you with a hundred percent of your power, wiping his saliva from your mouth with disgust and backing up to the other end of the bedroom, as far away as possible from the weeping boy.

“Stay the fuck off me. And have fun in Indiana, I’m sure you’ll be missed by all your fans at school.”

—

Billy is equally as antsy as he is pissed off when the Hargrove family makes their way to the airport, the boy staring out the window with a permanent worried look in his eye at how he left things with Y/N.

As he boards the plane, giving his younger step sibling Maxine a death glare for the window seat, he holds his gaze out the little window at the clouds surrounding the wing of the plane. When they land in Hawkins, Indiana, he’s still filled to the brim with regret at everything he’d done. He thinks of all the what if’s, like what if he hadn’t cared so much about his reputation, what if he’d kissed you sooner, what if, what if, what fucking if. The list goes on.

“People grow apart all the time, Billy. It’s the most natural thing in the world. That doesn’t mean I can’t care for your well being.”

He’ll hate himself for along time after using you, ignoring you, and ultimately abandoning you at the beginning of the hell that is high school. But that’s just the way it goes for guys like Billy. It could’ve gone the other way, too, such as following him to Indiana and loving him back after all. But that version’s just a figment of his imagination.

—

and then they all lived happily ever after and stuff. what I was trying to pull off was showing a meaningful friendship that started dying out and Billy’s transformation to douchebag was the perfect pitch for it. then for the tables to turn on who wants to be with who in the end was also what I wanted. I’m still working on more prompts and requests and stuff as usual ! thank you for everything:)

[ikonxmx]

Convenient | Chanwoo [A]

Hi. This wasn’t a request. This might suck. I’m rusty as hell and I’m terrible at angst but here it is. The first thing I’ve written in a year! a short angst story with no proper ending 🙃

Word Count: 924

---

“Why are you two fighting this time,” you hear Donghyuk ask from the other side of the wall.

Yes, Chanwoo and you are currently in one of those slumps. The kind where everything the other person says are does becomes a means for an argument. Little things. Petty things.

The arguments span. Sometimes you’re upset with one another for a couple of minutes, sometimes a couple of days but it’s never anything longer. It doesn’t take long for things to change though. The dynamic of your relationship has notably shifted. One moment you were star crossed lovers fighting to keep the love you have from being plucked from underneath you. The next moment you’ve both become the stars working against you. You hate it, understandably so. No one would enjoy disliking the person they’ve come to consider the love of their life even if only for a moment. Any moment spent hating him is a moment wasted not loving him. It’s for this exact reason you’re usually the one to end the fights. Setting aside your pride and apologizing means nothing if you can hear your boyfriend’s voice outside of that cold tone he takes when he’s upset, or see his smiling face finally directed toward you after only seeing it be given to the boys and his fans. You’d do anything so that he keeps smiling at you.

“I honestly don’t know,” you hear Chanwoo admit. Fair enough. The fight had been over 2 days ago. Anyone could forget given the amount of time. “One minute we’re watching a movie, and the next she’s crying.” He recounts.

Well, that’s not exactly how you remember the night. Yes, the two of you were watching a movie. Les' Miserables. And you, being the empathetic person you are, how could you not weep during Eponine's death? But the moment Chanwoo saw the wetness welling in the pocket of your eyes, the ball had dropped. He sighed and rolled his own eyes in annoyance, unbeknownst and unquestioning to the reason for your tears, but annoyed by their presence. Forever considerate of his feelings, you swiped at your cheeks until they were clean.

"I'm sorry," you blubbered.

"Why are you crying?" he finally questioned.

"I'm not," You lied.

Again he sighed, "You always do this," He states in annoyance, tone slowly rising. "You don't say anything, let things build up inside and then have a break down at the most random and unneeded moments,"

"That's not-" you started, but he quickly cut you off.

"This is my first day back from out of the country and you think I want to spend it with you whining about whatever issue you think we're going through and how we can solve it? Every time I'm here, we go through this same shit."

And though it hadn't been the reason for your tears initially, him bringing up the previous arguments and stating how he felt regarding them brought an entirely new wave of sadness to your eyes.

"Well excuse me for actually caring about the health of our relationship. We always talked about keeping an open plain for communication but the moment I do it you want to-” you stammered out between sobs before again being cut off by your boyfriend's angry clipped tone.

“I’m not going to deal with this,” He said raising himself from the couch, grabbing his coat, and making his way toward the door. 

That had been the argument. Something as silly as you crying had turned into an argument about your arguments.

But you’re understanding. His job is difficult. Of course, he doesn’t want to argue with you. You’re in the same boat. Any time spent upset at each other is time wasted you could be happy together.

So, once again, you’re giving in.

“Well breakup,” Donghyuk shrugs, “I mean as much as we love her, we love you too. And the two of you staying in a situation you’re not happy in is only going to cause more problems. So why stay together?”

‘This is temporary.’ you think to yourself and are silently hoping Chanwoo says the same. But he doesn’t.

“It’s just easier,”

Your heart sinks.

“People already know about us. And dating publicly was hard as is, imagine breaking up publicly. The stories would be endless.”

Further

“It’s just easier to stay where I am. I mean when we’re good, we’re really good. I just wish we’d be good more often. And we would be if she stopped harping in stupid things.”

They aren’t stupid to you. They’re important. The things you bring up are for the longevity and health of your relationship. You’ve seen so many relationships fail because of closed mouths. Dealing with things until the person decides they can’t anymore instead of talking things through and finding solutions. Losing out on everything they’ve built because of a few construction hiccups they could’ve easily worked through. Like you do. Or at least try to.

Because compromise is part of love.

Just not this love.

Apparently, this love was about one-sided catering. “My way or no way” and the more you think about it the more you realize just how much of yourself you’ve changed under the guise of compromise. Because Chanwoo doesn’t like certain hairstyles. Because Chanwoo doesn’t like certain clothes. Because Chanwoo doesn’t like music by this artist. Because Chanwoo doesn’t like this type of food. Because Chanwoo hates movies that are too romantic. Because of Chanwoo… because Chanwoo loves you.

But he doesn’t...

This isn’t love.

It’s just convenient.

[no-error]

How about some klance smut?

!This is pure smut!

If you dont like just ignore this :)

Space

(don't) hold my breath

Keith finds out a very important skill that Lance has: that he can hold his breath for a long time. He adds it to the list of reasons he’s pining after Lance—his right hand man, his teammate, his friend.

See also: sad desert boy falls hopelessly in love with self-proclaimed mermaid boy with a heart of gold. Watch these two oblivious idiots find their home in each other.

8,658 words   AO3

Lucky Habits

Lance has a habit of licking his lips before he takes particularly difficult shots with his blaster.

Keith has begun to notice said habit and it's slowly driving him mad.

Thankfully, Lance isn't as oblivious as he seems.

9,485 words   AO3

Hopelessly Devoted

“There he is,” Lance grinned, wide enough to break the kiss. He looked so damned satisfied, already. “There's my boy.”

4916 words  AO3

Take Me, I'm Yours

An unfortunate coincidence leads to Keith hiding in a closet, while Lance gets it on with an alien woman outside. It changes everything.

Keith can't erase the sight from his mind. He can't sleep, he can't fight. He can't control himself.

There is nothing he can do except swallow his pride and ask Lance for a favor.

He should have known he would have to beg for it.

6,732 words   AO3

Pix Or It Didn't Happen

Giving a whole new meaning to team bonding, Allura and Lance jointly plan a photography (read selfie) contest. Allura's contribution? Put the paladins in pairs for picture taking. Even before the teams were 'randomly' selected, Keith could have told you who he'd end up paired with. It goes about as well as could be expected.

14,690 words   AO3

Boys Will Be Boys    

There’s blood in his mouth, blood dripping from his nose, blood in his hair from where Keith fucking scratched him, blood boiling in his veins and clouding his vision with red. There’s too much blood for a friendly sparring session, that’s for sure.

This isn’t a friendly sparring session, not anymore.

6,736 words   AO3

I just wanna make love to you

Both Paladin and Blade stood in silence for almost a full minute, staring at each other with indiscernible expressions (or at least Lance thinks the latter is, can’t really tell with the identity protecting mask adorning their face.)

Before he can stop himself, he opens his mouth with a smirk curling at his lips.

“You come here often?” Lance asks, tilting his head coyly.

26,736 words   AO3

Research Purposes    

In retrospect, Lance knew he was overreacting. Thinking about it just a little too hard.  He just didn't consider Keith would ever be- Nah, actually, he wasn't that surprised... Did that mean Keith had totally been checking him out? Did he think he was hot? Would dudes be into him? What was it like to mess around with dudes? Was Keith experienced with that sort of thing? He just needed to know. For... science?

(In which Keith mentions something that reveals he's gay, Lance is excessively shocked, and everyone else already knew because it wasn't even a secret. In short, Lance is an oblivious idiot and finally accepts his bisexuality.)

10796 words   AO3

You Always Say the Stupidest Shit

"I know what your problem is," Lance interrupts, pointing a finger at him and smirking as though he's just personally discovered the deepest secret of the universe. God only knows why Keith stops talking then, but in hindsight, he wishes he'd have just gotten louder.

"You need to get laid," Lance announces.

13,370 words   AO3

The Royal Treatment    (Altean Lance/Galra Keith!)

“You’ve met me, congratulations,” Keith said shortly.

“Now go meet someone else.

”“Ouch,” he said. “And that’s not true; I don’t even know your name yet!”Keith wrinkled his nose. Maybe telling this irksome creature his title would scare him off. “I am Lord Kethyr, second son of Emperor Zarkon,” he retorted.

“Satisfied now?”

The Altean, unfortunately, was not deterred in the slightest by this. “Ooh, a royal? How exciting. I’m Lance.”

11,998 words   AO3

Modern

Don't Break Connection, Baby

(Series not completed 50,615 words 3 works)

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet goofball continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him...at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith.

38,721 words   AO3

Will you sing to the Beat of my Heart?

(Musician!Keith Verse not completed 10,132 words 2 works)

Keith is a musician sometimes playing in the park Lance walks through every day. Lance falls in love—both with the music, and Keith. Keith, meanwhile, can't help but notice the cutie in the crowd. Both think there is no chance to get to know each other—but fate has a different plan.

8,833 words   AO3

Of Tinted Windows and Fancy Leather Seats

Drive Me Crazy Series not completed 9,345 words 2 works

"One last question, Keith. Do you want me to fuck you? If you say no, then I’ll leave you alone. You can also punch me if you want. But if you say yes, my car is here. Your pick, Mullet.”

5,964 words   AO3

Fuck Buddies With Benefits

“Hey babe,” the blue-eyed male in Keith’s doorway drawls, leaning his weight on one arm and smirking down at Keith from the irritating two-inch height difference between them. The guy likes taking advantage of it while he can, before Keith shoves him onto the bed and is the one looking down for once.

Keith rolls his eyes and steps aside to let Lance into his dorm room, locking the door behind them in case Shiro stops by to check on him. Shiro would likely not be impressed by Keith’s self-care methods if he found his baby cousin in bed with some guy he met at the bar, a blank document still waiting to be filled on his laptop screen.

19,183 words   AO3

The Patrulian Zone    

Lance logs in to Oriande, the dating app known for easy hook ups with no strings attached. Finding Keith, he gets exactly what he signed up for.

So how come suddenly, it doesn't feel like enough?

17,498 words   AO3

technologic

In which Lance sends Keith an accidental snapchat that somehow leads to them becoming sexting buddies.

5193 words   AO3

A/B/O

Want          (Want Series completed 83,799 words 4 works)

Lance makes the decision to sell himself for the sake of his family. The only problem is that no ones seems to want him. When Shiro buys Lance for his alpha little brother, the omega can't believe his luck.

But does Keith even want anything to do with his new gift or is Lance destined to be an unwanted omega forever?

24,695   AO3

In the heat of the moment

Lance runs out of suppressants and is outed as an Omega. Keith wants to be his alpha. So much angst, sugar sweetness, more angst, gotta have a baby, and all the lovins. Plus there's Shatt! What's not to love. Please don't get too wrapped up in timelines, dynamics, or the lack of season 4. This is fiction.

25,037 words   AO3

The Lion's Pride

When Pidge confesses to being a female alpha and not a male one, the team realizes that she's not the only one hiding something. They realize Lance isn't the alpha he's posing as but actually an omega.

As with Pidge, they want to give Lance the time he needs to come clean on his own. But the team agrees to do their best to make Lance feel comfortable, considering how highly valued omegas are in packs.

Two team/pack-members especially find this new realization fascinating. Keith and Shiro want Lance to be their own omega. But can they handle the secret Lance is hiding, the one that made him cover up his status to begin with...?

30,822 woords   AO3

Practically Strangers

(Practically Everything Series   not completed, 8,117 words 2 works)

Lance was, in all aspects, an omega. He had accepted this part of him long ago, even embraced it. Keith was, in all forms of the word, an alpha. He was also pretty much a stranger, but Lance was willing to ignore that fact in favor of, um, other things.

4,768 words AO3

Your Sex I Can Smell

Lance was in hell… or heaven depending on your outlook. But for him it was currently hell.  He’d not been expecting to go into heat, ever. Heat was an Omega thing and as far as he knew 99.9% of Omegas were chicks.

He thought he’d just be another Beta, he’d given up hopes of becoming an Alpha when he still hadn’t presented by seventeen. But to be this late… to be twenty one and only just developing it was… humiliating. And as an Omega at that. But he had a plan. He could just... disguise it. Hide his scent.

Which was great. Except now Keith was almost impossible to get near, to tease and banter and basically annoy just to get a rise out of him. Lance missed seeing his face, missed his scent. His schoolboy crush had developed into something strangely immature for a twenty one year old but potent nonetheless. But Keith wouldn't give him the time of day. At least, not until a project forced them to work together.

25,747 words   AO3

What Else Could a Virgin Omega Do?

Lance was standing where he never thought he'd be standing, in line at the front desk of the nearest Alpha Brothel.

13,831 words   AO3

Don't Forget Your Vitamins

(series not completed 13,221 words 2 works)

Lance is an omega. Keith is a beta. This was something Lance had made peace with and determined that there was no way they could ever work. No matter how much he would like it to. Saving the universe and all that didn’t leave a whole lot of time to pursue such a complicated relationship.

However, when Keith finally starts getting the food and nutrition his hybrid body needs he is finally revealed to be an alpha. As he struggles with his new presentation, Lance tries his best to be there for him and support him. But it's difficult when the guy you love is now totally capable of giving you the best sex of your life.

11,406 words   AO3

Fuck self control (but really, don't.)

Lance hadn't presented by the time they got into space, leaving him vulnerable. Everything is fine until Keith's rut, and then it isn't

8,003 words   AO3

Omegaverse Series

Suddenly all Keith can hear is Hunk’s voice yelling over the com.

“Keith! You have to get out of there. Now!”

Keith wants to ask what’s wrong, but then the smell hits him.

The sickly sweet, and unmistakable smell of an omega in heat.

He whips around and sees Lance, standing a few feet back, bracing himself against the wall. His face is flushed, and he’s breathing heavy.

“I … I don’t feel so good.”

22,606 words  3 works   AO3

kiss like it's poisonous series (not completed)

A collection of all my fics that belong to this omegaverse au. It's basically just Keith and Lance being idiots and dancing around each other for like a span of five years, and you will all get the pleasure of reading it.

43,504 words 3 works   AO3

You All Over My Skin, I'm Anxious    

The worst part of it though, was that Keith was an alpha. A stupid, hotheaded alpha that Lance couldn’t help but get in petty arguments with like they had been married for fifty years. Keith, with his stupid mullet and how stupidly good he was at hand to hand combat and how stupidly hot he sounded when training. Lance would have gotten on his knees for him in seconds if he only asked. But an alpha needed an omega, and Lance was just a stupid beta. 

5,898 words   AO3

[ravusnightblossom]

Shipping Info Meme

Answer the following for your muse so people know how shipping works on your blog.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER?:

Outside of my current roleplays? Well. This isn’t going to come as a surprise to some people, but I’m a rather passionate Ardyn/Ravus shipper. I absolutely love the dynamic of them together because it can go so many different directions.  That said, and contrary to popular belief, I don’t pounce every Ardyn on my mutuals. I’m not a “face chaser,” just an avid fan. I do enjoy writing with a number of Ardyns, however. I’ve always viewed the duo of Ravus and Ardyn as sort of a package deal, based on their history, so it’s fun to see where different muns will lead a thread. Aside from that one, I really enjoy Ravus/Gladio, (which @gaudiacertaminis is driving me further into, day by day.)  I’m also slowly sinking further and further into the Ravus/Noctis pit, (thanks to @somnusvincitomnia​.) I’ve always seen it as a very interesting ship but it needs to be done correctly to work out well.     

WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO WRITE WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING?

I don’t really have any triggers that could apply in shipping, so I’m pretty much open to just about anything as long as proper plotting is works out with it. I’m game for anything from angst to fluff. I also don’t mind tossing ships through the wringer to strengthen it and add some action.  

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

I honestly don’t care about age gaps as long as those involved are legal consenting adults. People of age can make their own life choices. This reflects directly into my writing, as well.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

Yes, absolutely. I love shipping, but only when it’s done properly. I don’t really like pre-established relationships or autoshipping. I want that whole mess of development from beginning to end; the emotional conflict, the angst, the writing of walls being torn down. Without all that, I feel little connection to the ship and I feel it’s necessary to give it the value I crave.

Along with that, the above can only really be had when I’m writing it all along with someone I mesh well with, be it attitude or writing style. Chemistry is important between both muses and muns if you want that whole deep saga of romance that I prefer to write.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NS/FW?

Situationally dependent, I suppose. The moment things get descriptively heated with any desire past detailed kissing, or once clothes start coming off with intent.

WHO ARE OTHER THE CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

Oh my... Well, as far as established relationships go... @sanguinepeccatorum, @angxlxfdexth, @mtunit05953234, and @ahdynn were amongst my first ships on this blog. All of them have been through hell and back and it’s been an intense ride... @battlexfodder, @glacixn, and @gaudiacertaminis are all in that awkward in between stage for their own plot-related reasons right now and it’s so much fun.  @sapicurio, @iimpulsio, @zackleefair, @somnusvincitomnia, @dalathin, @kaaras-adaar, @dryadalismagicae, @peccatuminanis, @reminiscentiae, and @empatheticscientist are all in either that beginning of development or still haven’t decided what they are...and I love it!  It seems like a lot when eyeing a paragraph like that, but considering I have 79 active threads, according to my tracker, I suppose the ratio is actually rather small.      

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?:

I would prefer it. I never assume that someone is alright with shipping without discussing it, so as long as the mun at least pops me a message to say that they’re alright with anything developing in that manner, it’s a possibility I’ll keep in mind based upon the chemistry and all other factors..

HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP?

That depends on the thread. I never go into it expecting a ship, but if the chemistry is right, then it’s right, and I’m not likely to turn it down. Truthfully, I love a good ship, but again, I need plot and content value to back it up.

ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?:

Somewhere in between? I’m more here for writing a good story between muses. If a ship develops, then I’m likely to fall into it hardcore because I admittedly have a somewhat obsessive personality when it comes to content I enjoy (don’t worry, I try not to be annoying with it.) If it happens, though, then I will treasure the ship and fuss over it and treat it with utter appreciation.

ARE YOU MULTISHIP?

I am. I only have two exceptions that I won’t ship with others on. Aside from that, anything else is free game to explore.  

WHAT IS/ARE YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?: 

Ardyn/Ravioli, Cor/Nyx, Aranea/Lunafreya, Ardyn/Gentiana, Ravioli/Gladio, and...a few select guilty others that I’m still coming to terms with.     

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?:

Mention it to me, first and foremost, then we can explore the possibility of it together. Just please don’t be upset if I say I’m not interested- which may be for a number of reasons; either our writing styles aren’t compatible or I’m not comfortable with it for some reason or another.  And please make certain to have read my rules first!

Tagged by: @theplagueofstars. @araneaxdragoon, @gaudiacertaminis, @lustralium, @somnusvincitomnia  

Tagging: @infideliis, @oraculideluna, @ahdynn, @sanguinepeccatorum, @dalathin, @gxnwrought, @moonlit-summoner​, @notamare, @empatheticscientist, @foppishdandy, @hopewrought, @reiivusu, @simple-geometry​, @zackleefair  

[artificialqueens]

Affliction (Shalaska) - jazz

Summary: Alaska has commitment issues. Sharon reminds her who she belongs to.

A/N: Almost 3.5k words of non-AU Shalaska for ya, with lots of smut & some angst and fluff thrown in as well! She/her for Alaska, who’s in drag for the majority of the fic, & he/him for Sharon. Warnings for punishment and some slight dom/sub dynamics. Many thanks to Miss Bianca & Alaska del Needles for their sage wisdom & guidance (ily). Scream about Shalaska with me on my sideblog, @artificial-jazz <3

Alaska stood on the front porch of their small, split-level home, willing herself to go inside. It was late and the street was quiet, aside from a stray siren off in the distance. She fixated on the ashtray balanced precariously on the wooden banister and attempted to steady her breathing. She hated cigarettes, but loved the smell on Sharon, stale and smoky and so uniquely him.

God, she was so in love, it hurt sometimes.

It threatened to tear her apart from the inside out, and then piece her back together again with Elmer’s glue. It terrified her, just the thought of loving a person that much, that she sometimes couldn’t take it, she couldn’t possibly handle the pressure of someone falling with her. She’d ruin it, like she always did, basking in someone’s attention for a few months before formulating an escape plan.Commitment had never been her forte – which never used to bother Alaska, until now.

Until Sharon.

Sharon, who insisted that Alaska come move in with him after two months of knowing one another, and who made her soup and let her eat it in their bed. Sharon, who loved her enough not to care that she took up too much space in the bathroom, and who thought Alaska’s laugh was endearing rather than annoying.

Sharon, who liked loud music and old horror films and sheer black tights and, mostly, the way Alaska kissed him.

That’s why Alaska dreaded having to tell him what she’d done tonight. She knew she had to, because she loved him, but she also wanted to spare him the details, because she loved him.

It was complicated and she felt sick.

She turned the doorknob with a shaky hand and braced herself for impact.

Sharon was sitting on the armchair in the living room, reading something, all perfect-looking in his tortoiseshell glasses, and Alaska’s heart broke all over again. He looked up when he heard her come in. She was frozen in the entryway, a deer caught in the headlights.

On an ordinary night, Alaska would curl up in Sharon’s lap, ignoring his groans that he’s trying to read, thank you very much, and nuzzle into him anyway. He would flick through the pages of his novel absentmindedly, and Alaska would memorize the curvature of his face, and they’d be happy.

“I… Something happened tonight,” Alaska began, hesitantly. She couldn’t bear to meet Sharon’s eyes, couldn’t bear to see the anger – or worse, the hurt – that might exist there.

He stood. “What?” There was an edge to Sharon’s voice, a defense mechanism Alaska had become very familiar with. When he saw his partner flinch, Sharon softened. “Tell me, Lasky. It’s okay.”

A jumble of words came gushing out of Alaska’s mouth then, suddenly unable to hold her thoughts in any longer. “It was Katya, and you know there’s nothing there between us, but tonight was… I couldn’t help it, and we were just having fun after her show, but then we were kissing and I didn’t stop her and –”

Sharon raised a silent hand, interrupting her rant. “You kissed Katya?”

For once, Alaska couldn’t read his tone, and it scared her. “Yes,” she replied softly, casting her eyes toward the ground. She fought the urge to cry, figuring that tears wouldn’t help the situation. She’d fucked up, and she knew it.

She has a crush on you, Sharon had told her more than once. I’ve known Katya for a long time, and she likes you.

Alaska had always tuned him out, dismissing the idea as completely ridiculous. Katya was a good friend – a good friend who was well aware of Alaska’s relationship status, no less. She had been pretty sure that Sharon was just doing his whole Overprotective Boyfriend thing, despite having nothing to worry about.

Until tonight, when Katya had, in fact, given him something tangible to worry about.

Both queens were guilty of engaging in their fair share of extracurricular activities while on the road, sure, but they recognized that it never meant anything. Road trade was just that – meaningless and convenient. For Alaska, at the end of the day, there was only Sharon. She couldn’t believe she’d gone and jeopardized that by fooling around with the one person who threatened him.

Sharon left an uncomfortable amount of space in between them. Alaska wanted to close the gap, take Sharon’s face in her hands and plant kisses onto his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his chin – anything to let him know how sorry she was, how Sharon was the only one she wanted.

“Did you like it?” Sharon asked, barely audible.

Alaska stuttered. “W-what?”

“Did it feel good, Katya kissing you?” This time, he spoke with more conviction, taking a step in Alaska’s direction. He seemed entirely too calm for Alaska’s liking.

She nodded slightly, unsure of the response he was hoping for and simultaneously not wanting to say something that would make things worse.

Sharon disappeared into the kitchen without another word and Alaska deflated, letting out a long breath that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. She heard the opening and closing of the fridge, the jangling of bottles, the running of water in the sink, and then nothing.

She took a moment to weigh the pros and cons of following a clearly upset Sharonbefore scurrying into the kitchen after him in stockinged feet. Sharon’s back was to her, hunched over the sink basin, knuckles turning an unsettling shade of white due to how tightly he was gripping onto its rim.

“Noodles, are we… okay?” Alaska tried. “It didn’t mean anything, I swear. I’m so, so –”

“Get undressed,” Sharon ordered, turning to face her. “Now.”

Alaska’s cock twitched, and she understood. She recognized the sinful glimmer in his eyes, the commanding demeanor he adopted, knew what was expected of her.

She wriggled out of the little black number she was wearing, slowly, so that Sharon could watch. Her sleek, blonde hair cascaded down her bony shoulders, now bare, brushing her ribcage. She felt exposed, standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing only a pair of skimpy underwear that hardly contained her, but her skin was burning in the best way under Sharon’s intense gaze.

“You deserve to be punished. Don’t you agree, baby?”

“You’re right. I do,” Alaska said, her voice small.

Sharon pressed himself right up against the younger queen, his lips grazing her earlobe. Alaska could feel his erection pressing against her hip. It was dizzying, how attracted she was to him, even now. “You’re mine. No one else’s,” he murmured, more to himself than to her. His breath was hot, and it sent chills down her spine.

“All yours,” she said, fingers twisting in the soft hair on the back of his neck. It was an uncharacteristically sweet moment; she could almost feel Sharon’s muscles relax at the reassurance before he hardened again, pinning Alaska’s hands to her sides.

“You’re not allowed to touch – not yet.”  

She whimpered into Sharon’s mouth as he showed Alaska who she belonged to, kissing her firmly and without warning. Her hands itched for him, needed to trace over his tattoos with affectionate precision and feel his skin, hot and smooth, and the reality that she couldn’t just made her want him more. Sharon was evil, and he was everything, and she was his.  

He lifted her by the backs of her thighs up onto the countertop, and it made Alaska shiver, how strong he was when he wanted to be. She took full advantage of the position change by wrapping her legs around Sharon’s torso, pleasantly surprised when he didn’t chide her for it. Pressing her luck, Alaska reached for the hem of his shirt, Sharon lifting his arms to allow her to pull it off easily over his head. She discarded it carelessly on the tiled floor, next to the small bowl of cat food that sat half-eaten, while he kicked off his pants. 

Alaska’s cock rubbed against Sharon’s stomach as they kissed; the friction was delicious, but not nearly enough. She knew he was purposefully denying her, probably betting on it making her crazy – which it was.

“You’d like it if I touched you, wouldn’t you, baby?” His lips were on her neck, and she nodded furiously. “I don’t know if you deserve it, though.”

Alaska swallowed down a sob; she was practically choking on it, how badly she needed Sharon’s hands on her, and fuck did she love his hands, how big they were, and how pretty.

“Sharon, please…”

“Tell me. What did you think of, when you were kissing her?”

Alaska was finding it more and more difficult to focus as Sharon’s mouth marked her collarbone, her shoulder, her nipples. “You,” she breathed. “I pictured you.”

“How sweet.” He hooked a finger through the panties Alaska still had on. “Mind if I…?”

From her seated position, Alaska raised her hips slightly so that Sharon could slide the undergarment down her legs, torturously slow, without breaking eye contact. She knew better than to let her impatience show, though: Sharon would only drag his game out longer if she misbehaved. Arousal swirled low in her stomach at the thought.  

“Already so hard for me,” Sharon mused, his lips ghosting across Alaska’s erection, causing her to fidget. “Katya doesn’t get to see you like this, get to touch you like this.”

He hollowed his cheeks and took the tip into his mouth, his tongue pressing against the underside, refusing to sink any lower, and Alaska was sure that he was trying to literally drive her to the brink of insanity.

He pulled away suddenly, eliciting a whine from Alaska.

“You know, I’d rather watch you,” he said. He was so smug that it would be infuriating, if it weren’t sexy as hell.

She pouted, but wrapped her own hand around her length, looking at Sharon for permission to continue. When he gave her a nod, she began to pump herself – leisurely at first, turning into more frantic strokes as it hit her just how desperately she’d needed a release. She let herself feel a small sense of pride when she noticed that Sharon was also palming his own erection, noticeably affected by her show, which only encouraged Alaska further. She allowed her eyelids to flutter shut and her lips to part, small noises rolling off her tongue with ease.

“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” Sharon said, almost whispering, but Alaska heard it clear as day, could practically come from it.

And then he was on her again, desperate and rough with teeth clacking against teeth, picking her up and placing her feet back on the floor. In one swift motion, he turned her around and bent her over the kitchen counter, her forearms flat against the cool material.

“This,” Sharon growled, “belongs to me.” Sharon’s palm connected with Alaska’s ass with a satisfying smack, the flesh pink and glowing. Bent over for him, all bow-legged and docile, Alaska wiggled her backside toward Sharon, silently begging for more. She fought the urge to look back, to see the imprint Sharon had left, the satisfied expression on his face, but mostly, she just wanted him to make her feel it, really make her feel it.

“Do I have to keep reminding you?” Sharon spanked her a second time.

“No,” Alaska managed, still pressing back toward him. “It’s yours, I’m yours, I’m –” She squealed, cut off by a third smack, this one the loudest of them all.

Sharon caressed the spot he’d just hit, easing the sharpness of the sensation. “Stop squirming, Lasky,” he said, splaying a hand across the small of her back to keep her steady.

She whined his name, so completely strung out on Sharon’s twisted, glorious punishments, ripples of pleasure coursing through her like wildfire as he spanked her a fourth time. She didn’t know how much longer her knees could support her; she felt wobbly and on-edge and she wanted to let herself sink to the floor in front of Sharon, taste him at the back of her throat.  

“Now don’t move,” he ordered. Alaska could tell from the stillness that followed that he’d left the room, leaving Alaska gasping for air, skin tingling.

The thing was, she’d do anything for Sharon. She wanted to please him, to be better for him, to make things right again, however she could. He returned quickly with a bottle of lube and a condom, and her whole body ached with his absence; she needed him to hurry up and bury himself inside her, make her remember why she’d needed to be disciplined in the first place.

“Sharon… Need you, right now, pleeease.”

“Stop whining and be patient, baby,” Sharon warned, popping open the cap to the lube with his thumb. “Good girls do what they’re told.”

“I can be good,” Alaska promised, biting her cheek to keep from crying out again.

The task was easier said than done.

Sharon finally slid a finger inside her, curving it upwards, and Alaska clenched down greedily. It wasn’t nearly enough, but she allowed Sharon to move at his own pace, a thin layer of sweat forming on her forehead. She was sure her makeup was a mess, but she didn’t care, not when Sharon inserted a second finger, and then a third, drawing a string of profanities from her mouth that she couldn’t control.

“Fuck, Sharon, I need you, I love you, please, oh God –”

“You just can’t keep quiet, can you?” Sharon hastily untied his black bandana from around his neck and stuffed it into Alaska’s mouth, and she loved it: her eyes rolled back, her lids heavy. The fabric muffled her moans as he entered her, filled her up completely. Sharon dug his fingertips into Alaska’s hipbones, restraining himself. She knew he had every intention of fucking her hard into the cabinetry, making her ache tomorrow, but, for now, he wanted to make this last.

He let Alaska adjust for a moment, her body opening up for him like it always did, before beginning to rock his hips in a steady rhythm. Her body was a blessing, the way it responded to him, and she was solid and she was here and Sharon rocked into her harder at the thought, growling her name as he leaned down and bit into Alaska’s shoulder.

Alaska hardly noticed how the edge of the countertop was sharp against her ribcage, because the only thing that mattered was Sharon reaching around her with one hand to lace his fingers with her own, so intimate she could cry.

They moved in tandem, and she swore she could feel Sharon in every inch of her, from the tingling in her toes to the dryness of her mouth to the throbbing in her gut, until Alaska was rigid with it, unable to do anything besides hold on. She was already close, her moans growing increasingly higher in pitch, and she thought she might explode from both the stimulation and the intensity of the entire night if Sharon didn’t let her finish soon.

He was on the brink as well, his authorization low and uneven. “Come for me, Lasky.”

At those four words, and with only two strokes of Sharon’s hand on her cock, Alaska was coming, so hard and loud that Sharon was coming, too, hot and thick. They were motionless for a minute afterward, Sharon content to mirror the rise and fall of Alaska’s inhales and exhales.

“I’m gonna run us a bath, okay?” he said gently, brushing the backs of his fingers along Alaska’s cheek. “And we can talk.”

Alaska managed a smile, her body completely spent, the kitchen counter fully supporting her. She was grateful to Sharon for taking care of her like this, even when she thought she didn’t deserve it. She loved him, and the feeling of it consumed her, soothed her shaky limbs and settled her anxious heart.

The water was warm and soapy when Alaska lowered herself down into the tub after cleaning up and removing the remains of her drag. She closed her eyes and let herself sink until the suds tickled her chin. She felt Sharon climb in across from her, snapping her back to reality, their legs intertwining underwater.

Sharon was the first to break the silence. “Was that okay for you?” The sincerity in his voice made Alaska melt, guilt rising again in her throat.

“More than okay. Sharon, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have –”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, baby. I know it got a little intense back there, but really, I’m fine.”

“No, but I do owe you an explanation,” Alaska started. “I don’t want you to doubt for one second how in this I am.”

He paused, holding out his arms, inviting Alaska to recline into him. “Okay, then. Enlighten me.”

Alaska relaxed into Sharon’s slippery body, letting her head lull back on his shoulder. She took solace in the fact that their limbs always fit so well together, like two complimentary puzzle pieces. “I meant what I said back there.”

“The part where you professed your feelings for Katya, or…?”

She frowned at the ceiling. “See, I knew you were upset.”

“No! No – sorry, that wasn’t funny. I didn’t mean that. What were you gonna say? I’m listening.” 

“That I’m all yours. I am.”

Sharon rubbed small circles into her hip with his thumb. The truth was, he hated the thought of losing Alaska to someone else; even the possibility of it kept him up at night. Instead, he replied, “I know that, Lasky.”

“Do you, though?” Alaska turned to look at Sharon, took his face in her two pruny hands. She searched his eyes, ocean blue, willing him to see how incredibly infatuated she was with him. Time and time again, she saw through his gritted teeth, his tough exterior, and willed him to stop being so brave for once and accept her love for what it was: real and infinite and, sometimes, flawed.

“I came home to you tonight. I chose you. I’m choosing you. You made me fall in love with you and… and now I don’t even want anyone else, I can’t even begin to think about wanting anyone else.”

Sharon smiled sadly. “But I know you. And sometimes I just think… I dunno. Am I enough?”

“Yeah, you do know me, Sharon, and you know that I’m never really sure of anything, and that sometimes I get in my own head,” Alaska said. “But you’re my literal fucking home. And I need you to know that even though I’m never really sure of anything, I’m completely sure of this. Of us.”

Sharon seemed to accept her answer, pulling Alaska in for a long, wet kiss. Droplets of water dripped down past Sharon’s temples and he believed her, believed in her, and they lazily explored each other’s mouths for what felt like minutes, but what could have been hours. The bathroom was dark aside from a few lit candles, flickering orange on their pale skin.

Later on, Sharon would take extra care to wrap Alaska in a big, fluffy towel, tucking her in to her side of the bed once she was nice and dry, and he would slide in next to her, throwing a lazy arm over her stomach. Sharon would plant a kiss on the crook of her neck, right in the space where her angular collarbone met her shoulder, and he would murmur a quiet “thank you” that Alaska would pretend not to hear, even as the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.

She had chosen him tonight, and would keep choosing him every night after, and that was enough for the both of them.