#like completely insanely trash to me. no reason to get so infuriated when i asked politely.

[thegardengrows-infrozenrain]

be right back, killing myself.

[gamergirl929]

They Hate Each Other (No They Don't, Not Really)  (Alex Morgan x Reader)

All would agree, your arch nemesis showing up absolutely anywhere you were would ruin your day, but that’s EXACTLY what happens to one veteran USWNT player, Alex Morgan, when she runs into her arch nemesis at the USWNT camp.

Alex Morgan’s eyes widen, pure rage running through her when you strut towards her, bag in hand.

“You shouldn’t look at your soon to be teammate like that Morgan, frowning gives you wrinkles.” You wink, the forward’s lip curling in a snarl.  

“What’s she doing-

“I DON’T KNOW.” Alex yells, nearly making Kelley jump out of her skin.  

Alex was absolutely livid, seeing you at the USWNT camp had been a surprise, and not a wonderful one.  

The second Alex spotted Vlatko Andonovski she advances angrily on the man, who’s looking at her as if he expected this reaction.  

“Alex-

“What the hell!? We’re you going to tell me? To tell US?!” She yells, louder than intended, but you’d riled her up in way no one had before.  

“I didn’t know you were the coach this year Morgan, if I did, I would’ve stayed home.” You snark, your smirk making Alex growl.  

“Shut UP!” She yells and you laugh.  

“We should room together Morgan, I think we’d make GREAT roommates.”  

Alex growls, mumbling under her breath.  

“It’ll be easier to smother you in your sleep then.”  

You smirk cockily.  

“Kinky.”  

Alex snarls angrily.  

“Listen.” Vlatko holds a hand up, glancing your way before turning back to Alex.  

“Y/N is one of the best players in the world, having her at our camp, and possibly on the team brings our team up to the next level. I saw a chance, and I took it.”

Alex shakes her head.  

“But-

He shakes his head.  

“I’m sorry Alex.” He pats her on her shoulder before turning away and walking off.  

Alex meanwhile is standing stock still, her mouth agape.  

Her biggest rival had just joined the USWNT camp, and would PROBABLY join the USWNT.  

She growls.

“Fuck.”  

                                                            ***

If you were being honest, you absolutely hated Alex Patricia Morgan, the woman knew how to push your buttons and she did so whenever she could.

You’d met during college, of course, on rival teams, ultimately where your rivalry began, a rivalry that seeped into your NWNT career, and when Alex came overseas, donning the Tottenham Hotspur’s jersey, you were there, wearing a red and white Arsenal’s jersey.  

Needless to say, when the two teams squared up, your rivalry continued.  

Alex hated you just as much as you hated her, making the competition between the two of you even more fierce.

It surprised literally EVERYONE that the two of you hadn’t killed one another yet.

At this current moment in time though, you were currently literal moments from killing one another.  

“I didn’t mean to step on your cleats Morgan, just go to the store when practice is over and buy another pair.” You snort.  

Alex lets out a feral growl.  

“You are SO fucking infuriating!”  

You blow the woman a kiss, which only infuriates her more, the woman stomping her foot before she trudges off.  

“Fuck off!” She yells over her shoulder and you scoff.  

“You too!”  

                                                            ***

Vlatko rubs the back of his neck watching as you and Alex hurl insults at one another. He’d known about your rivalry, but he wasn’t aware that it went to the extent of actual hatred.  

Alex was absolutely fuming as you walked past her, moments after sinking a goal in her team’s net.  

“Don’t look so mad Morgan, we both know I’m better than you could ever dream of being.”  

Alex stomps passed you, the woman’s shoulder slamming into yours.  

You flip around, eyes full of absolute fire.  

“Body check me again Morgan, I fucking dare you.” You growl in her face, so much so that your nose brushes hers.  

Alex pushes you backwards.  

“Nobody tells me what to do on MY FIELD.”  

You snicker.  

“Your field?” You throw your head back, barking out a laugh, though when you stop laughing you lean towards her, smirking.  

“Let’s see how much longer this field is yours, you numpty.”  

Alex growls as you walk towards the nearby benches with a confident strut.  

“WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?”

                                                            ***

“I don’t get why you hate Y/N so much ANYWAY, she seems nice...”

The second the words leave Emily’s mouth she feels as if she’s about to burst into flames from the absolute fiery glare she’s getting from Alex.  

Kelley immediately slips in between Alex and Emily, her hands held up in surrender.  

“Jan, please don’t kill Emily, who else will carry on the Frat Daddy legacy!?” The defender asks, pleading for her child’s life.  

Alex snarls, stomping away from the two of them, all the while mumbling angrily under her breath.  

“Y/N NICE?! How could ANYONE put her and NICE in the same fucking sentence???” She snarls, deciding that some time on the field would clear her mind.  

                                                            ***

Though what Alex DOESN’T expect when she gets to the field is to find you there, the field between you and the goal littered with soccer balls.  

Alex ducks down when you turn her way, an aggravated snarl leaving you.  

“BLOODY HELL!” You yell, Alex’s eyes widening at the thickness of your accent.

She peeks out from her hiding place, watching as you drop down onto the pitch, sitting in a cross-legged position.  

Alex frowns when she sees your face is buried in your hands.  

“Fuck that shite.” You sigh as you move to your feet, wiping the sweat from your brow with your bare arm.  

Alex isn’t sure what possess her to stay for so long, but nearly an hour later you’re still on field, sinking ball after ball in different angles, it’s when you miss one that you angrily snarl.  

“Nothing but a right, cock-up!”  

Alex shakes her head, her brows furrowed.  

Why were you so hard on yourself after you’d done so well within an hours time?

Alex’s eyes widen when she sees you glance her way your brows furrowed.  

“Oi! Is someone there?!” You shout, standing stock still.

When no one replies, you give your head a rapid shake, unaware that Alex is currently sprinting away from the scene.

“Must’ve imagined it.”  

                                                            ***

Alex had seen how hard you were on yourself that day, but that in no way quelled her anger entirely considering you were at each other's throats after the fact.  

“You did that on fucking PURPOSE!” Alex growls as she’s helped to the bench, her leg injured from an accidental cleating by yours truly.  

You pinch the bridge of your nose as you jog over to the bench.  

“I didn’t!” You growl as you drop to your knees in front of her, the forward’s eyes wide and brows furrowed when you gently slip her cleat off her foot, along with her sock, now noticing the hints of blood dotting the fabric.  

“Shite.” You mumble, swiping the nearby first aid kit from the team’s doctor.  

“Yeah, I don’t like you, but I wouldn’t make you purposely bleed.”  

Alex watches in something akin to disbelief when you begin to clean her injury with a delicacy that she hadn’t seen from you in, well, ever.  

Your touch sent a jolt from her leg through her entire body, a warmth spreading throughout her from a delicate brush of your fingertips.  

Moments after you finished dressing her wound, you glance up at her.  

“This doesn’t mean I hate you any less.”  

You move to your feet, sending the woman a glare before you head back on field.  

“Don’t use your leg as an excuse for the shite way you’re playing, you know it’s just because I’m better than you.” You smirk cockily.  

Alex’s eyes narrow.  

“Better my ass.”  

                                                            ***

The first person who finds out about you making the USWNT, well, besides yourself, is Alex Morgan, considering you actively sought her out, a cocky smirk on your face.  

Alex sighs in annoyance.  

“I know you made the fucking team, go away.”  

You grin grabbing an apple from the table in front of you and take a bite, the apple crunching loudly.  

“I’m right where I’m supposed to be actually. Isn’t this where the USWNT members sit?” You grin, earning an eye roll from the forward.  

“Yes, but your seat is over there.” She nods towards the trash and you laugh, sucking a piece of apple down your windpipe, garnering no help from the woman beside you.  

“Blimey, let one of the ONLY reasons you’ll be winning any and all major tournaments this year die, real dull mate.”  

Alex growls.  

“I’m not, ‘dull mate.’” She says, doing her best to mock you and your accent.

Your eyes widen.  

“Oh my god, that was rank awful. That actually hurt to hear. My nan is rolling over in her grave right now.”  

Alex blows a raspberry at you.  

“Real mature love, real mature.”  

“Don’t you have someone else to bother?” She growls.

“I’m busy bothering you right now.”  

Alex snarls, jumping to her feet and storming off.  

“See you later teammate!” You yell, waving over exaggeratedly at her as she marches off.

                                                            ***

Where your feelings for Alex, at least off the field, were based more off of annoying her until the point of insanity, your feelings for her on the field was a competitive hate, something Alex mirrored, but her hate for you off field?  

Well, it was complete unbridled hate.  

“Seriously, if you’re going to play like that, then stay off the field, England needs you more than we do.” Alex shakes her head and you smirk.  

“You over shot it! Not me!” You shake your head in disbelief.  

Alex lets out a mock laugh.  

“Maybe you should’ve actually ran faster.”  

You throw your head back with a groan.  

“If I was in your position, we would’ve scored.”

Alex stomps her foot, the look in her eyes something you’d seen before, but never to this extent.  

“You’re not made for the USWNT and you’re NOT made for soccer at a national level, you sucked in college, and you still fucking suck now.”  

The field goes silent, everyone turning to look at Alex, their eyes wide.  

Meanwhile, Alex’s blue orbs are locked on your face, a face that holds literally no hints of the cockiness it TYPICALLY holds, instead, it holds what she reads, as a hint of sadness.  

You clear your throat, your mouth opening and closing a few times before you nod.  

“Th-Thanks.”  

Alex reaches out to you as you turn your back on her, the woman frowning as you make your way towards the bench, grabbing your things hastily before you head towards the bus.  

Alex’s head hangs in shame, the looks of her teammates burning holes in her back.  

“Alex-” Megan starts, only to be cut off by the forward moments later.  

“I KNOW! OKAY!?” She yells, sending the rest of the USNWT a look.  

Her shoulders hunch.  

“I know.”  

                                                            ***

The second she steps on the bus you turn away, unwilling to look at the woman as she walks past, though, unfortunately for you, she doesn’t walk past, she instead sits right beside you.  

“Are you lost?” You ask, voice rough.  

Alex shakes her head.  

“No, I’m not.”  

You move to your feet.  

“Well, if you’re not lost, then I’ll get lost.” You say, frowning when Alex doesn’t move so you can get out of your seat.  

“Move Morgan.” You growl angrily.  

She shakes her head.  

“No can do, Y/L/N.” She shrugs and you growl, about to climb over the seat, but the look on Alex’s face stops you, causing you to flop back down into your seat in annoyance.  

“Why are you holding me against my will Morgan?” You huff.  

She sighs, rolling her eyes.  

“Look, I’m sorry, I took it too far.”  

Your eyes narrow, brows furrowing as you lean back, away from the woman.  

“There’s no WAY that you’re Alex Morgan, she never apologizes, especially not to ME.” You bark out a laugh and she shakes her head.  

“As much as it PAINS me to do so, I shouldn’t have said what I said on field, you do deserve to be on the team, and you don’t suck... That much.” She shrugs, and you can’t help but smile.  

You begin chuckling, the woman looking at you in confusion.  

“What’s so funny?”  

“Yeah, you still suck.”  

Alex growls.  

“Fuck you Y/N.”  

You grin.  

“Right back at you love, right back at you.”  

                                                            ***

The lineup for the first match against Portugal was rather surprising, you weren’t expecting to start, not when players like Megan Rapinoe, Tobin Heath and Christen Press were on the team, but you were named to the starting lineup.  

You wouldn’t show your surprise to the team, but you’d been sure to ask Vlatko multiple times if the lineup was correct, and he of course, told you repeatedly it was.  

You did your best to not look nervous when standing in the tunnel, a number of Portugal’s players were glancing your way worriedly, everyone knew who you were, and everyone knew what you could do.  

The crowd cheered as the USWNT and Portugal made their way onto the field, everyone excited to see the new editions to the USWNT and what they had to offer.  

You completely blank out the National Anthem, standing stock still your eyes darting around the sold-out crowd.  

It isn’t until you’re taking your place on field that you snap back out of it, your eyes unconsciously darting to the woman with a big 13 on her back.  

You smirk.  

“Show time.”  

                                                            ***

You can feel it, the moment you’re about to make your first goal with the USWNT, your entire body shaking with excitement.

Alex can’t help but smile when you expertly slip the ball passed the Portugal player who’s on you and fire it in on goal, the ball with a bit of a spin on it.  

You still, the ball looking like an overshot, but thanks to the spin on it, gravity pulls it downwards, passed the goalkeeper’s fingertips and into the back of the net.  

You throw a fist in the air with a massive grin, a grin Alex mirrors when she walks over to you, patting your back, her reaction tame considering Tobin was currently hanging off your back, along with Kelley and Emily.  

Alex shrugs.  

“Lucky shot.”  

You snort.  

“Luck had nothing to do with it.”  

Alex snorts even louder.  

“I mean, I DID assist.”  

You roll your eyes.  

“Didn’t need your assistance.” You smirk, the forward’s eyes narrowing as she sends you a glare, receiving only a wink in return.  

Alex growls.  

“Still so infuriating.”  

                                                            ***

By the end of the first half the score is 2-0, and by the end of the game, it’s 4-0, one of those goals being yours, and another belonging to Alex Morgan.  

It’s when you’re heading to the bus that you turn to Alex with a smirk.  

“Had to copy me, huh Morgan?”

Alex scoffs.  

“Copy? You got a goal before me, big deal.”  

Tobin shakes her head as she takes a seat beside Christen on the bus.  

“Do they argue about everything?” She asks and Christen giggles, watching as you and Alex bicker, though instead of sitting far away from one another, Alex sits right behind you.  

“I mean, I guess that’s how they say they’re into each other.”  

An incredibly loud laugh makes Christen jump, the woman turning to her bus buddy who is looking at her in shock.  

“They literally want each other dead.”  

Christen rolls her eyes.  

“No, they don’t, they like each other.”  

Ali turns around in her seat towards Christen and Tobin.  

“I mean, it’s obvious.”  

Ashlyn scoffs.  

“Obvious that Y/N would poison Alex’s food if she could.”  

Kelley, who comes in from out of nowhere snorts.  

“Yeah, I mean, they’ve hated each other since college, Jan talks about it all the time.”  

Christen and Ali share a glance, the two shaking their heads.  

“They’re totally into each other.”

“Oh, I know.”  

                                                            ***

“Wait, there HAS to be a mistake...” You say as Vlatko turns to you, Alex’s eyes wide and filled with absolute horror.  

“No, the two of you are rooming together. It seems.” He shrugs, knowing full well that it was he who decided the two of you would room together, and it wouldn’t be a onetime deal either.

The two of you glance at one another, eyes narrowed.  

“I get the shower first.” Alex mumbles and you smirk, swiping the key from Vlatko before sprinting to the elevators.  

“The FUCK you do!” You yell, Alex sprinting after you.  

“Y/N YOU GET BACK HERE!”

Everyone watches as Alex chases after you, their eyes wide.  

Tobin turns towards Christen.  

“You call THAT being into each other?”  

Christen turns towards Ali, the two yet again, shaking their heads.  

“Oblivious.”  

                                                            ***

“DON’T USE ALL THE HOT WATER!” Alex yells, smacking the bathroom door and you growl.  

The door swings open moments later and you walk out, wearing nothing but a sports bra and a pair of boxers.  

“Morgan, we’re in a hotel, that’s impossible.”  

Alex watches as you head to your suitcase, riffling through its contents.  

She can’t help but stare, the wide expanse of flesh and muscle usually hidden beneath your uniform now on display for her to see.  

You turn around, holding a wad of clothes, your brows furrowed.

Alex jumps when you reach out, poking her in the forehead with your index finger.  

“Hey!” She growls, slapping at your hand.  

“I just wanted to see if you were still alive.”  

Alex’s eyes rake down your front, stopping on your very prominent abdominal muscles.  

You turn away and step in the bathroom, kicking the door shut behind you.  

Alex stands there for a moment before she glances around.  

“Yeah.”  

                                                            ***

Alex had TRIED to tell herself that she was in NO way ogling you like a horny frat boy, but when you walked out wearing basically the same thing to sleep in, she knew she was, for a fact, ogling you like a horny frat boy.  

She’d made a quick retreat to the bathroom moments after, but she couldn’t avoid you forever.  

You meanwhile were completely sprawled out in bed, Nintendo Switch in hand. You briefly wondered if Alex had drowned, but when the bathroom door swung open you sighed.  

“I thought you might’ve drowned, I was going to see if you wanted to smash.”

Alex stops mid-stride, dropping her clothes on the floor.  

“WHAT!?”  

Your brows furrow as you hold your Nintendo Switch up.  

“Smash...?”

Alex clears her throat, her cheeks blood red.  

“O-O-Oh...”  

You snort.  

“Christ Morgan.” You shake your head and she rolls her eyes, stomping to her bed.  

“What?”  

You shrug.  

“Get your mind out of the gutter, at least now I know you want in my trousers.” You smirk and she snarls, a pillow flying from her bed and smacking you right in the face.  

“Fuck you.”  

“SEE!” You grin, throwing the pillow back on her bed.  

“I’m going to kill you in your sleep.”

You shake your head.  

“Get over here and we’ll smash.” You hold a controller out to her and her eyes narrow.  

“Sure, you’re okay with losing?” She asks cockily and you grin.  

“Are you?”

Alex scoffs.  

“I’d never lose to you.”  

“We’ll see about that.”  

                                                            ***

“Why do you look so tired?” Kelley asks Alex the following day and the forward yawns.  

“Y/N and I were Smashing.”  

Kelley’s brown orbs widen, as do Alex’s the forward punching her friend in the arm.  

“Super Smash Brothers you bitch.”  

Kelley hums.  

“I mean I could see you and Y/N hate fucking each other.” She shrugs and Alex’s cheeks flush bright red.  

Alex punches Kelley in the shoulder, the defender groaning.  

“Jesus Christ, Jan. You didn’t have to hit me so hard.”  

Alex turns her attention towards her breakfast and away from the pouting defender beside her.  

Though you were absolutely irritating and Alex thought about killing you a total of 48 times last night, she enjoyed spending time with you.  

You yawn as you make your way towards the table, sitting across from Alex.  

“You have to get used to losing if we keep smashing every night.”  

Suddenly a plate falls to the table, hard, the sound making everyone jump.  

Tobin is standing beside you, her eyes wide, Ashlyn meanwhile is smirking as she sits down beside you.  

“Who’s smashing?” Megan asks and you roll your eyes.  

“Smash Bros.” You shake your head and Megan rolls her eyes exaggeratedly.

“Boring, there’s only one Smash that’s actually interesting.”  

Tobin gasps dramatically, her hand on her heart.  

“I beg to DIFFER.”  

You shake your head, watching with amusement as the two bicker, leading to Ashlyn chiming in.

You glance at Alex.  

“You just HAD to tell everyone we Smashed.”  

Alex rolls her eyes.  

“Of course, I did, because I won.”  

You bark out a laugh, shaking your head as you sip your orange juice.  

“Like one time, Morgan.”  

Alex growls.  

“WELL, WE’LL SMASH AGAIN TONIGHT!” She yells, every single one of her teammates turning her way.  

Alex clears her throat, rubbing the back of her neck.  

“Are we talking about the SAME Smashing?” You smirk and Alex sends you a glare.  

“SHUT UP.”  

                                                            ***

Alex rubs her temples angrily.  

Playing in the rain had always been a hassle, but playing in the rain against SWEDEN was a nightmare.  

Sweden was the USWNT’s rival and the fact that the USWNT were currently down by 2 of COURSE, didn’t sit well with Alex Morgan.  

The whistle blows, signaling the end of the first half and Alex sighs in relief, she needed a break, not only for her tired legs, but to quell the irritation inside of her.

Someone bumps into her and she snarls.  

“Watch where the FUCK you’re going.” She turns towards, who she now realizes is you, you who looks as equally pissed as she does.  

“Listen Morgan, I’m seriously not in the fucking mood, I’m just as mad as you are, so don’t start your shit with me.” You snap, your USWNT teammates stopping to stare at the two of you with wide eyes.  

“Fuck you.” She snarls turning to walk away and you sneer.  

“Yeah? We’ll fuck you too!” You yell before you follow after her and into the locker room.  

“Why are you following me!?” She yells and you scoff.  

“WE SHARE A LOCKER ROOM.” You deadpan, flopping down on the nearby bench.  

“Well, you can still sit away from me.” Alex gripes and you shake your head.  

“I’m not moving Morgan.”

Alex, being purposely annoying sits down behind you, rather closely in fact.  

“Well, I’m not either.” She mumbles and you snort.  

“Mature Morgan, REALLLL mature.”  

                                                            ***

By the time the game ended the USWNT had a comeback, winning the game 3-2, much to Alex’s elation, as well as your own.  

That elation didn’t erase the fact that the two of you had argued during the match, the two of you cold, wet and incredibly angry.  

Alex is pulled out of her trance when the bathroom’s door in your and her hotel room swings open, a rush of steam flowing out as you leave the room.  

Alex glances away from you, not only because you’re, yet again, barely dressed, but also because she’s ashamed of her behavior earlier that day.  

You flop onto your bed without even looking at her, choosing to fall face down against its plush surface.  

You remain silent, the air within the room incredibly heavy.  

The silence is broken by Alex’s soft whisper.

“I’m sorry I took my frustration out on you.”  

You remain silent as you roll over, your hand slipping into your suitcase.

You search blindly until you find what you’re looking for, holding the Nintendo Switch out to Alex.

“Smash?” You ask and Alex smiles.

“Smash.”  

Alex flops on the bed beside you, taking the controller she’d used a few nights prior.

You glance at her out of the corner of your eye.

“I’m sorry too.”  

Alex’s brows arch, the woman unable to bite back a smile, something that makes you send her a glare.

“Enough of this shite, ready to lose Morgan?”  

Alex scoffs.  

“I should be asking you that.”  

                                                            ***

You grimace as the body beside you shifts, a pair of arms wrapping tightly around you from behind.  

“I’m not the little spoon.” You growl, attempting to wiggle free from the hold you’re in.  

“Get over it.”  

Your eyes flash open, as do Alex’s the two of you abruptly sitting up when you realize you’d in fact fallen asleep together the night before.  

You turn to face her, the two of you looking at one another in absolute horror.

“I was just-

Alex leaps out of bed, the woman making a beeline towards the bathroom the two of you share.  

You nod, your cheeks flushed.  

“Ye-Yeah.”

You clear your throat, turning away from the bathroom to instead look at the alarm clock beside you.  

3:13 AM

You grumble, annoyed at the fact that you’d woken up so early.  

If you were honest with yourself, you were also annoyed that Alex wasn’t currently beside you, but you weren’t really in the mood for honesty at the moment.  

You flop backwards, rolling towards the center of the bed where it just so happens Alex had been laying moments later, the smell of the woman’s perfume left behind on the sheets.  

You attempt to resist temptation, but find yourself failing when you bury your nose into the sweet-smelling fabric, the smell clouding your senses.  

The bathroom door creaks open sometime after, the sweet-smelling fabric lulling you to the cusp of sleep, as you fight your eyelids you watch as Alex tiptoes to her bed, the woman glancing over her shoulder at your ‘sleeping’ form with a smile before she makes her way to her own bed.  

She falls down onto the cold sheets with a frown, thoughts of what the following day would bring running through her head.  

                                                            ***

Much to everyone’s surprise at practice the following day, neither you nor Alex had been at one another’s throats, in fact, you’d been ignoring each other as if the other had contracted the Black Death.  

Even when you slip a ball passed Alex and into goal, you don’t gloat, instead choosing to just jog away as if you hadn’t scored.  

“Okay, what the hell was that?” Kelley asks, her eyes narrowed as she stares inquisitively at Alex.  

“What?” Alex asks dumbly.  

Kelley scoffs.

“THAT, Y/N didn’t even gloat! She didn’t rub in your face that she scored passed you!” Kelley points at you and Alex shrugs.  

“Beats me.”  

Kelley’s eyes narrow even further as Alex walks away, the defender’s eyes burning holes in her back.  

“I WILL FIND OUT WHAT’S GOING ON JAN!” She yells across field, drawing the attention of each and every one of her teammates, including you.  

You clear your throat, your cheeks flushing when you realize Alex’s blue orbs are on you.  

The two of you abruptly turn away from one another, thoughts of the events that transpired that morning running through your heads.  

You clear your throat as you rub the back of your neck, your cheeks flushing further when you think about Alex’s arms around you, and how much you’d liked it.  

                                                            ***

That night was even worse considering the two of you were still rooming together.  

Alex refused to look in your direction and you refused to look in hers, making the situation even more awkward.  

“Look.” Alex started, causing you to turn her way, when your eyes locked, she fell silent.  

“This was easier when you weren’t looking at me.”  

Your eyes widen momentarily before you turn away.  

“Alright Morgan, go ahead.”

Alex huffs.  

“I’m sorry about last night, I didn’t mean to, ummm...”  

You chance a glance her way, smirking when you see how flushed her cheeks are.  

“What?” Alex asks when she sees the smirk on your face and you shrug.  

“Nothing.”  

You fish your Nintendo Switch out of your bag and nod towards your bed.  

“Let’s go Morgan, or are you too shy to Smash now?” You ask, a brow arched and Alex scoffs.  

“Not a chance.”  

                                                            ***

It’s an hour into playing that it happens, though neither you, or Alex realized it was happening until your shoulders brush.  

You both stiffen, your eyes widening, though neither of you dare look at the other.  

Something else neither of you do though is scoot away from one another, your shoulders still brushing.  

You clear your throat, your body untensing as you settle back against the pillow behind you, the feel of Alex’s blue orbs boring into you making goosebumps sprout on your flesh.  

“Come on Morgan, head in the game.”  

You miss the tiny smile that adorns Alex’s face as she focuses on the screen before you, though what you don’t miss is the brush of her leg against yours.  

The inevitable of course happens when you feel Alex’s head rest on your shoulder, the woman fighting her fluttering eyelids.  

You glance at the nearly unconscious woman on your shoulder and snort.  

“Lay down Morgan.” You smile, the forward grumbling.  

“But I don’t want to get up...”  

You roll your eyes, taking her controller and laying your Switch on the table between your beds.  

You wiggle until your head hits the pillow behind you, which results in Alex’s head falling onto your chest, the forward’s eyes widening.  

You remain silent, waiting for her to make the next move, when she cuddles into your side, your cheeks flush, that flush spreading to the tips of your ears.  

“Is this, okay?” Alex asks in a hushed whisper and you smile.  

“It is.”  

                                                            ***

The two of you sharing a bed becomes a regular thing, so much so that Alex’s bed remains untouched 95% of the time, usually housing your luggage instead of Alex like it should be.  

The rivalry you had on the field soon disappeared, something that came as a shock to literally everyone, even Vlatko.  

You knew what you felt for Alex wasn’t friendship, it went well beyond that, your hatred for her turned into something you never ever expect, and that was love.  

You loved Alex Morgan and there was no going back.  

                                                            ***

You were pissed, absolutely pissed, and how could you not be when no fouls were being called against Canada?  

Fouls that were currently being directed at #13, Alex Morgan.  

You snarl when yet again, Alex is taken down in the box, but YET AGAIN, the foul isn’t called.  

“COME ON!” You yell, stomping towards the downed forward whose hand you take before you pull her to her feet.  

“Are you okay?” You ask worriedly as you scan the forward who nods.  

“Yeah, I’m okay.” She smiles and you nod.  

“She better call the fouls or I swear-

The whistle blows and you growl.  

“Nothing but a right bitch that one.” You mumble before jogging away, missing the snort that Alex lets out, the forward shaking her head.  

Her cheeks flush from more than exertion when she realizes your anger that’s directed at the ref is because the fouls have been directed solely on her, considering she was the only one being fouled.  

And that was about to happen yet again, but this time, Alex wasn’t going to get up.  

                                                            ***

The look on your face was one of pure horror when Alex went down with a cry, the Canadian player’s cleats digging into her skin, soaking her socked ankle with blood.  

The whistle blows loudly, the ref finally carding the player who’d fouled Alex with a red card, but that wasn’t good enough for you, not when Alex was currently bleeding.  

Alex watches from her place on the ground as you advance on the player in red, landing a right hook that would make any boxer jealous, the woman falling to the ground with a thud.  

Time literally stands still, your knuckles throbbing in pain as the player cups her cheek, her eyes wide as she stares up at you in shock.  

“OFF THE FIELD! NOW!” The ref yells, the woman producing a red card immediately and holding it high above her head.  

“Bugger off, wanker.” You mumble as you make your way towards Alex, who’s currently surrounded by the medical team.  

“What the hell did you do that for!?” She growls at you and you frown.  

“I-

You glance around, watching as the Canadian player, you were so angry you didn’t know her name, is aided off field, the woman still clasping her cheek.  

Your mouth opens and closes a few times, the taste of bile on the back of your tongue.  

Deep down, you knew why your reaction had been so visceral, but you couldn’t tell Alex that could you?  

So instead, you decided to do the only thing you could do, and that was turn on your heels and sprint towards the nearest exit.  

                                                            ***

Alex frowns as you sprint towards the exit, leaving her and the team behind.  

The medical team hoists her to her feet, the woman limping off field, the fans clapping in respect for the USWNT player as the final whistle blows.  

The second Alex gets off field though she pulls away from the medical team, choosing instead to limp after you, the forward hoping she wasn’t too late and was able to catch you.  

Alex limped down the tunnel and rushed towards the nearest exit, hoping it was the exit you’d went through in your haste to put distance between the two of you.

She rounds the corner, a sigh of relief leaving her when she sees you marching down the sidewalk, away from her.  

“Y/N!” She yells, causing you to stop in your tracks.  

The dark clouds overhead that had been teasing rain all day had finally opened the proverbial floodgates, the soft sprinkles becoming somewhat of a downpour in literal moments.  

Slowly, you turn around to face the forward who’s advancing on you, the woman limping as quickly as she can, closing the distance between the two of you.  

You swallow hard, unable to look the woman in the eye as she tries catching your gaze,  

“Y/N?! What was that!?” She yells, pointing back at the field and you shake your head.  

“What was that!?” She yells again and you swallow hard.  

“She was on your ass the entire game Al, and no one was calling the fouls! I had to do something!” You yell over the heavily pouring rain, the nickname slipping unknowingly off your tongue.  

“That’s not your job, Y/N.” She frowns and you scoff.  

“So, I’m just supposed to watch her hurt you? Watch her make you bleed!?” You cry, the feel of frustrated tears welling up in your eyes.  

“Why does it matter so much to you!?” She asks, and you shake your head.

“Because I love you!”  

Alex stiffens, as do you, your eyes widening in horror when you realize what you’d just said.  

Your mouth opens and closes, the taste of bile on the back of your tongue as you take a step back from the injured USWNT forward.  

Alex reaches out for you, her fingertips brushing the back of your hand.  

“Y/N...” She whispers, taking a step towards you.  

You’re about to take a step back when she grabs your wrist, effectively holding you in place, you weren’t about to jerk away, fearful that you may hurt her.  

You swallow hard when she steps even closer, the distance between you closing as her chest brushes your own.  

“Say it again.”  

You shake your head as you turn away, though when Alex’s fingers intertwine with yours, you turn back towards her, the woman’s blue orbs focused on your hand in hers.  

“Say it again...”  

You shake your head, a lump forming in your throat.  

“Alex-

“Please Y/N.” She whispers as she tucks a strand of hair, that had been stuck to your face, behind your ear.  

You blink rapidly, Alex’s fingers tracing your jawline before she cups your cheek.

Your mouth opens and closes a few times before you find your voice.  

“I-I...” You stammer, your eyes shutting as you swallow.  

“I love you, Alex, and I think I always have I just-

You stiffen, your eyes wide and hands hovering in the air as Alex’s lips meet yours in a tentative, first kiss.  

Just as your eyes flutter shut the team rounds the corner, their eyes widening before they turn Christen and Ali, the two smirking as they bump their shoulders together.  

“We told you.”  

Meanwhile your hands find purchase on Alex’s waist, the woman pulling back only to lean right back in, the brush of her lips sending a jolt throughout your entire body.

A crack of lightning makes the two of you jump, though neither of you pull back, your lips brushing as the two of you smile, toothy grins on full display.  

Alex’s forehead rests against yours, her hair stuck to her face thanks to the water entirely soaking the two of you.  

The reasonable members of the team usher the chaotics back into the arena, leaving you and Alex alone, the two of you so wrapped up in one another you hadn’t noticed them anyway.  

Your tongue swipes at your lips, your Y/E/C orbs focused intently on Alex’s.  

“When did you know?” Alex asks, her voice pulling you out of your trance, your cheeks flushing.  

“Know what?” You ask dumbly, earning a look that says Alex knows you’re just playing dumb.  

You sigh.  

“The first time you yelled at me during a match in college.”  

Alex’s brows arch.  

“It was cute.”  

Alex scoffs.  

“It wasn’t meant to be cute.”  

You shrug.  

“Well, it was to me, and I was right smitten.”  

Alex’s lips split into a massive grin, the woman leaning in to bump her nose playfully against yours.  

“Your nose crinkles up when you’re angry.” She giggles and you bite your bottom lip, your cheeks dusted pink.  

Alex tilts her head back, kissing the tip of your nose, your lips splitting into a grin.

“I guess we better get back in there...” Alex sighs and you huff.  

“I guess so.”  

Alex reluctantly takes a step back before she turns around, the two of you walking back to the door that led back into the arena.  

Before Alex can make her way through the tunnel, you grab her wrist, giving her a gentle tug until she’s back in your arms again, your nose brushing hers.  

“I never ACTUALLY hated you.” You whisper softly, giving her wrist a squeeze.  

Alex smiles, the forward closing the distance between you with a feather light kiss, her lips feeling as if they barely brush your own.  

“And I never ACTUALLY hated you either.”

You cup Alex’s cheek, the woman’s blue orbs disappearing behind her fluttering eyelids as she leans into your touch.  

It’s in that moment when you spot them out of the corner of your eye, a snort sounding in the back of your throat as you watch your teammates scramble to make themselves scarce.  

Alex follows your gaze, the woman rolling her eyes in annoyance when she spots your nosy teammates.  

“Idiots.”  

You wrap your arms around her from behind, pulling the woman close, your chin resting on her shoulder.  

“So, you yell at them, and I watch? I bet it’s even cuter when you’re yelling at someone else.” You grin, grunting when Alex elbows you in the stomach.  

“It’s not cute when I’m angry.” She pouts and you grin, shrugging.  

“Actually, it’s adorable.”  

Alex growls, a furrow forming between her brows as she tries, and fails to scowl at you.  

“Still so infuriating.” She grumbles, the woman about to turn away, but before she can you catch her lips, unable to bite back a smile as the two of you kiss.  

“I’m so infuriating, but you still smitten, aren’t you love?” You ask and she rolls her eyes, her cheeks flushed red.  

She gives your shoulder a playful slap and you snicker.  

Looking into the pools of blue that are Alex Morgan’s eyes, you knew coming to the US was the best decision you’d ever made.  

You lean in, tilting your head back to press a kiss to her forehead.  

“What do you say we go kill our nosy teammates now?” You ask with a grin and Alex takes your hand, intertwining your fingers.  

“Lead the way.”  

[inadaydream99]

Something You Can’t Deny

A/N - wow this has taken me ages to write and it’s a lot longer than I intitally planned it to be! Sorry 😬 I always get carried away with oneshots and this Mingi one just got me! I’m a little (or very) whipped for him 😂 but I hope you enjoy!

When someone asks what Mingi is to you the first word that comes to mind in enemie. He’s your rival, the reason for your anger, the person that drives you completely insane. Most people don’t understand the pure hatred you have towards each other. Your fued seemingly coming out of nowhere. At first even you were confused as to why Mingi didn’t like you, but then, after numerous attempts at trying to be friendly, you gave up and decided to hate him back. You can live with the fact that not everyone is going to like you.

“Do we really have to watch a scary movie? I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” You plea as Yunho selects the horror genre on Netflix, shooting your best puppy eyes around the room in an attempt to get any form of sympathy.

“Quit being such a baby and get over it.” Mingi snarls, causally throwing a piece of popcorn in the air in an attempt to catch it in his mouth. He looks so unphased by the premis of a horror but everyone in the room knows as much as he does that deep down he isn’t keen on the idea either.

When the popcorn bounces off his nose and ends up on the floor you smirk, feeling satisfied that he hadn’t managed to look suave and cool. It’s instant karma for his uncalled for remark.

“You’ll be ok, I’m right here to protect you.” San scoots closer to your side, protectively wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you into his chest. You let out a quiet chuckle as you accept his hug, your arms making their way around his body so you can snuggle comfortably into his side.

“I think she has a better chance of getting through this movie if I protect her. With you, (Y/N) risks getting jolted around at every jump scare.” Jongho teases, laughing heartily as San whines and turns to complain to Seonghwa like siblings with their parents.

“Stop making a fuss, I wanna actually watch this.” Mingi snaps, throwing a pillow at San as the movie begins playing. He seems grumpy, a deep frown on his face as he glares in your direction, glancing between you and San momentarily before launching the pillow.

It ends up hitting you in the face, your cheeks turning bright red in embarrassment as Mingi snorts with laughter. He looks pleased with himself as you sit up, moving yourself away from San’s side. It’s like that’s what he had intended to happen.

“Oops.” He states with a mocking twinge in his tone, earning an elbow and glare from Yeosang next to him in return.

~

“I’ve left the pillow and blanket on the sofa for you, and there’s a charger for you to use on the coffee table, ok?” Seonghwa informs you as you enter the kitchen after getting your pyjamas on; an old T-shirt that you stole from Yunho and some pink spotty shorts. It’s your go to lazy outfit when you have a PJ day at home.

“Thank you Hwa.” You cuddle into his side, nuzzling your head into him affectionaly as he envelops you in his arms, laughing at your actions.

“It’s alright. See you in the morning.” He pats your head and you feign annoyance, forever adamant that you don’t like it when he does that. But deep down you both know you do.

“Goodnight.” You respond, turning around to grab a glass of water to take with you to bed.

You don’t want to acknowledge Mingi as he enters the room and let’s out a grumble upon seeing you, but you’re tired and can’t be bothered to put up with him right now. Your temper worn thin over the course of the day.

“What was that for?” You defensively question, a scour replacing the contented smile that was previously on your face.

“None of your business princess.” Mingi condescendingly mocks.

“Then why’d you have to snarl at me.” You’re trying everything in your power not to seeth at him, but it’s too difficult when Mingi makes your blood boil just from the arrogant look on his face.

“Because I’m always so happy to see you, can’t you tell?” His sarcastic laugh is enough to send you over the edge of anger, it makes your whole body feel like it’s going to explode.

It annoys you to no end how he treats you, particularly because he has no reason to be so rude all the time. He just goes out of his way to treat you like trash. To mock and belittle you. It’s infuriating.

“You know what, I’m done putting up with you! I can handle the fact that not everyone is going to like me, but when you act this way for no reason, it’s horrible.” Your explosion of anger takes Mingi by surprise, his whole expression shocked as he watches you with wide eyes. He had never thought you would become this angry in front of him, let along blow up in his face like this. But you have and he doesn’t know how to react.

“Don’t even try to excuse yourself.” You quickly cut in as you notice Mingi open his mouth, about to speak.

“Just leave me alone from now on.” You’re seething, bluntly putting him in his place before deciding you don’t even want to stay for the night anymore. You’ve had enough.

“Woah, what’s going on? Is everything alright?” You almost crash into Hongjoong on your way out of the kitchen. You look as though you could simultaneously punch a wall and burst into tears.

“I’m going home, I can’t stand Him.” You shudder bitterly, throwing your shoes on and brabbing your bag.

Hongjoong just stands frozen, confused and upset by your anger. He watches as you leave, odd socks stuffed into your shoes and oversized pyjamas, the door slamming shut behind you.

“I heard a bang! Is everyone alive?” San comes running into the hallway, followed my Wooyoung and Jongho.

“(Y/N) left, the bang was the front door. She was pretty pissed off.” Hongjoong informs the guys as they nod in understanding.

“Why was she pissed off?” Jongho questions, voicing the question that even Hongjoong wanted to know a proper answer to.

“I think I have a good idea...” San narrows his eyes in suspicion before heading off.

~

You wake up the next morning to your phone going off with numerous messages and missed calls. But it’s what you get for storming off without informing anyone as to why. They’re probably worried sick and desperate to get through to you.

With that thought in mind you reach out to grab your phone off the bedside table before unlocking it and swiping through all the notifications. Each of them have sent though multiple texts, along with a few missed calls from Seonghwa and Hongjoong. But there’s one that catches your eye. It makes your breath hitch as you read the message.

It’s apparent it’s from Mingi, although it’s displayed as from an unknown number; you’d never bothered keep him as a contact because why would you ever want to message him anyway? But you must admit his message is kind of sweet: I didn’t think I upset you that much... I hope you’re ok.

You’re not sure why but it seems to fill you with some sort of weird feeling, finding yourself staring at the message in a daze.

Maybe it’s not real and you’re just imagining, hoping, that Mingi actually cares about you... maybe one of the guys stole his phone and sent the message for him.

Or maybe he really does care.

It’s a strange thought but one that you can’t seem to shake off. Your mind still thinking about the message as you hit call on Seonghwa’s number and wait for him to answer.

“Finally, it’s about time you answered one of us.” He scolds as soon as he picks up, tone unimpressed and you can just imagine the disappointed look he would be giving you if he were here right now.

“I’m sorry, I’ve only just woken up.” You mumble, voice hoarse and throat dry.

“You sound awful, how’re you feeling?” Seonghwa’s voice instantly softens when he hears you speak. Come to think of it you feel very sluggish, a headache brewing and eyes aching, still feeling sensitive from all your crying last night. There’s no doubt Seonghwa can sense this through the phone.

“I feel crap.” You dryly chuckle, trying to make light of the situation at least a little, but your laugh comes out half-assed, like you are forcing yourself to seem more fine than you really are.

You continue your conversation with Seonghwa, answering all his questions about what happened last night, both of you unaware of the prying ears that listen in carefully.

Hearing your voice alone makes Mingi’s heart clench in pain. He hates that he is the reason behind it, although he would never admit that to you.

Your relationship with Mingi is complicated, one that he would struggle to explain if asked to. You see, Mingi’s mean and spiteful attitude towards you isn’t because he actually hates you, it’s more because he gets a kick out of your reactions. He loves the attention you give him when you are mad, and even more so when you are sassy. It drives him crazy, making his head spin with how much his heart races anytime you argue. So much so it’s not healthy. But it’s the only way you actually give him attention and so he has found himself looking forward to teasing you purely for that reason.

He never realised he had taken it too far the previous night; with all the snarky comments throughout the movie and then his general attitude afterwards, it sent you over the edge.

Mingi holds his breath, hiding himself from view as soon as he hears Seonghwa begin to hang up, telling you to be over as soon as possible.

But there’s one prevailing thought in his mind as he begins thinking about what to do next. He can’t miss his chance.

~

“Do you mind if we go somewhere more private, I just don’t want to face anyone.” You mumble as you are pulled by Seonghwa towards the living room.

He stops mid way, turning to give you a glance and when his eyes meet yours he reads the anxiousness and sadness that they hold.

“Sure.” Seonghwa meekly smiles. He had hoped to get you and Mingi to cross paths so you could finally resolve your differences, but now that doesn’t seem likely.

“What do you want to do?” Seonghwa casually questions as you fall onto his bed and cuddle up into the duvet.

“I want to stay like this for the rest of eternity.” Your voice comes out muffled by the sheets which makes Seonghwa laugh, a fond smile on his face as he stands at the foot of his bed.

“Unfortunately that’s not an option.” He chuckles, watching as you complain and turn yourself to lay on your back, eyes gazing up at the ceiling as if it’s the most interesting thing you have ever seen. “I really think we should get your mind onto something else... what about we cook something?” Seonghwa suggests.

“No...” you whine, moving your focus onto your friend as he huffs. “All I want to do is hibernate in here with you and some movies... and lots of snacks.” You state, sitting up so you can gage what Seonghwa’s reaction will be.

“You know what, let’s do it. But you need to go buy the snacks.” He smirks, pleased with himself that he has found a loophole in your plan to stay hidden away.

You roll your eyes, feigning annoyance, though your smile gives away how you truly feel.

“Fine, I’m going now.” You push yourself off the bed, trudging lazily out of the room to grab some money before leaving to complete your task.

~

“What do I choose?” You mumble out loud to yourself, so deep in thought that you haven’t realised other people can actually hear you.

“I would go for the cheese flavour, it’s the best.” Your head snaps to the left, the voice having made you jump. You didn’t even realise anyone was in the same isle as you, let alone standing by your side.

But your heart begins to race when you realise who the voice belongs to, your mouth falling open so you end up gawking at Mingi beside you.

“I don’t need your help.” You flatly respond as soon as you regain your composure. Mingi watches you in amusement, taking great pleasure from catching you off guard.

When he saw you enter the shop he thought he must be hallucinating. His guilty mind playing tricks on him as he becomes increasingly desperate to see you, to have a chance to apologise. Then he realised that this was his chance to approach you, clear the air of tension between you, or at least that’s what he was hoping for.

“Alright, I was just trying to be nice.” He holds his hands up in defence, though his smirk only makes you increasingly more annoyed.

“You, being nice pft.” You scoff, rolling your eyes as you begin moving away from Mingi.

“It is possible you know... here, let me get them for you.” He reaches out to grab the bag of chips, gaining your attention once again.

“Oh no, that’s not gonna happen.” You shake your head, folding your arms defensively. You can’t allow this to happen purely because you know this is Mingi’s way of clearing his conscience. He doesn’t really care about you.

“Too late!” Mingi suddenly makes a run for it, dashing over to the register to pay, a cute little squeal emitting from him in excitement. You catch yourself genuinely laughing at Mingi, finding his behaviour highly amusing and quite endearing.

“Here, all yours.” You wipe the smile off your face before Mingi can notice as he approches you holding out the bag of chips for you to take.

“I told you I don’t want them.” You shift your gaze away from him to look unforgiving. Truth is you don’t want to see the disappointment on his face.

Mingi lowers his arm back to his side, bag of chips still clutched in his hand as he stares at you, saddened by your coldness. He’s aware that he deserves it but he was really hoping you would find some part of you to forgive him.

“Please accept my peace offering (Y/N), I really am trying to ammend things between us.” Mingi’s voice comes out delicate, his sincerity making you feel guilty.

You glance up at him, sighing in defeat as you see his eyes becoming glazed over with tears; you’d be heartless to not forgive him.

“Fine.” You coyly smile, reaching out to accept Mingi’s gift. “But you’re joining the movie marathon I’m having with Seonghwa tonight... as a thank you.” You continue, finally letting your guard slip away, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips when Mingi’s face lights up.

~

“Finally! what took you so long? Oh, I see...” Seonghwa begins to playfully scold you, only stopping when he sees Mingi appear behind you, a knowing grin teasing his lips.

“Mingi bought us some snacks so I invited him along.” You attempt to keep a straight face, wanting to play down the fact that you are trying to start again. It’s no big deal right? Just one of those casual suddenly becoming friends with the enemie scenarios.

“Alright.” Seonghwa’s mind is filled with a dozen questions as to how you managed to get to this point in such a short amount of time, but he doesn’t voice them. There’ll be time soon enough.

“What movies have you picked?” Mingi causally questions, picking up the remote to scroll through the playlist on Netflix that has been lined up.

~

You aren’t sure what time it is when you suddenly jolt awake. It takes you a minute to gather your surroundings, the room blanketed in darkness and tv no longer on.

Seonghwa must have switched it off after you’d fallen asleep, it’s happened many times during your past movie marathons together. It’s like a sequence of events that happen every time, you both begin watching a movie and then around halfway through the film you doze off, leaving Seonghwa to finish watching it alone.

This time, however, is a little different from normal. For starters you are cuddled into someone, head resting on their chest as it calmly rises and falls. Their arms are wrapped around your waist, keeping you close and secure. But what has caught you off guard the most is that as you slowly lift you head away, you realise that it’s Mingi who you have fallen asleep on.

Never in a million years would you have thought this could happen. And yet you aren’t repulsed.

You catch yourself staring at him. He looks so peaceful, ethereal, as he sleeps and you have to stop yourself from admiring him too much. He could never like you. Even up until today he has always gone out of his way to be rude and make fun. You’re stupid to even think you have the slightest chance.

Feeling your heart sink you decide to distract yourself and look around the room in search for Seonghwa, to see if he is awake or not. It quickly dawns on you that he is nowhere to be found.

“What time is it?” You feel your heart rate quicken upon hearing Mingi’s groggy voice, shuffling away a little erratically to create some distance between you as panic overtakes your body. How long has he been awake? Does he know you’ve been staring?

“What’s wrong?” He tilts his head in confusion, pout resting on his lips as his arms reach out to draw you back in a little, though not too much. Mingi can see the panic written on your face and he doesn’t want to scare you off, but at the same time he wants to wrap you in cotton wool and keep you safe forever.

“I... need to go.” It takes you a minute to respond, suddenly jumping out of Mingi’s reach and rushing out of the room.

“(Y/N)! Wait up.” Mingi rushes after you, stopping when he finds you stood in the middle of the living room, face buried in your hands. “Why are you acting so strange.” He softly questions, his arm gently placed on your shoulder to try and provide some comfort.

“Me, strange! No no no, I’m not strange. What’s strange is this! Us, cuddling together and acting like we haven’t hated each other for years.” You blurt, your mind running wild in a frenzy as you can’t seem to calm down.

Mingi stays silent, watching you as he is deep in thought. He can’t help but find your reaction to falling asleep cuddled up together really cute. And truth be told he’s glad that it happened, being close to you has always been something he’s wanted. He’s seen it between you and the others, making him act out in jealousy. He’s always taken it out on you and that’s what’s pushed you away all this time. But watching you freak out now makes him think that maybe it could be because you have the same feelings for him that he has for you.

You fall silent when you realise Mingi is just staring, finally meeting his gaze as he looks at you. He looks deep in thought, a flicker of contemplation sweeping across his face when you notice his eyes glance at your lips before retracting back to your eyes, then back to your lips again.

You aren’t sure what to do, time seemingly slowing down as you watch Mingi move closer in slow motion. You feel a hand on your waist, the other caressing you’re cheek as it tilts your face up, his eyes staying firmly trained on your lips.

He stops when you are millimetres apart, your lips agape as you become breathless. It’s a dizzying sensation, being this close to Mingi. You’re frozen. You don’t want to resist in case he backs away, but you also don’t want to be the first to make a move in case that’s not what he’s intending.

His eyes glance up from your lips, meeting your gaze and staring deeply into your eyes in search of any reluctance. And when he finds none his head dips, lips connecting to yours tenderly.

You respond instantly, eyes fluttering shut as your hands move to grip onto his arms tightly. Your legs feel like jelly, whole body becoming distant as you indulge in this moment. It’s filled with affection and care, a tenderness that you never thought you would see from Mingi, yet here you are. Just you and him, alone in this moment.

You break away gently, heavy breaths mixing and foreheads resting together. Your eyes meet Mingi’s as he watches you nervously, a smile of relief overtaking his face when he hears you giggle.

“What was that for?” You whisper, acting coy as you feel a deep blush rise up your face.

“It felt right.” You feel Mingi’s thumb rub over your cheek as he watches you fondly.

“Alright love birds, can you be quiet now? Some of us are trying to sleep.” Your attention is diverted onto Yeosang as he stands in the door way along with Seonghwa. You can tell they aren’t really that mad for keeping them awake, but you do still feel a little guilty.

“Hey, let us have our moment! Do you know how long I’ve waited for this?” Mingi complains, mock annoyance in his tone as he tries and fails to hide his smile.

“Believe me when I say we do.” Seonghwa chuckles teasingly. You roll your eyes playfully before turning back to Mingi and reaching out to take his hand. Your fingers interlace with his, making his attention fall back to you.

“Come on, we should get back to bed.” You raise your brow, smirk playing on your lips as you pull Mingi back to bed. Mingi complies with a wide grin, shaking his head as he laughs at your teasing behaviour.

Although you had spent so long hating each other, you’re glad that things have finally changed. I guess there’s just something between you that is bigger than all of that. Something you can’t deny.

[seokstrivia]

Euphoria | jjk

❥ Summary; There was always a sign on Jungkooks’ door that said something along the lines of, ‘Warning; I am naked in here. Do not enter unless you're ready to see a whole lot of dick.’   

or, that one roommate au where Jungkook is a cocky bastard.

❥ Roommate!AU | M.list | word count; 7.6k

❥ Jeon Jungkook x Reader; angst, douche Jungkook, enemies to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, slow burn, smut, he’s actually a softie

» He, him, his «

Jungkook was, how you say, a dick. A dick you despised and wanted unquestionably nothing to do with. And yes, you did always hate him, without reason, but hated from the beginning nonetheless.

It all began when you moved into the accommodation for college, your mom helped you unpack then kissed you goodbye, and everything was fine— for five minutes.

Dickwad, also known as, Dickhead and maybe sometimes, douchebag, sauntered into the flat with music blaring out of his, lovely friends’, speaker.

Lovely friend, aka Park Jimin, is, and always will be, an absolute darling you doted on without fail.

Anyways, when Jungkook stepped into the flat as if he owned the damn place, the first thing he did was throw a wink your way and then proceed to claim his bedroom— the very bedroom you claimed first.

Obviously, it was an absolutely ridiculous point to bicker over, but you’d lost it as soon as he called you babe, followed by a prissy princess, to end his absurd argument.

You were absolutely fuming by this point, and the heavy music resonating throughout the flat gave you the biggest headache you’d ever experienced in all the years you’d been alive.

That was when you wordlessly declared your hatred for him. When you decided you were going to make his life a living hell, and when you decided you were going to store lego in his room— just so he could undergo the pain you had to go through.

It wasn’t even good music.

Ever since then, you’ve never liked Jungkook, never wanted anything to do with him and cursed him in your dreams every night— which didn’t seem to work, you definitely needed to purchase a voodoo doll.

» His Friday night «

A yawn parted your lips as you zoned in and out, you were currently attempting to do your homework, but Jungkook— the devils incarnate— was being as loud and intolerable as usual.

He had been on the phone to one of his friends, talking about a party he absolutely had to go to. But it wasn’t unusual, Jungkook made it his priority to go out partying every Friday night, more so, to end up in someone's bed.

The thought itself had you shaking your head in distaste— like a mother disapproving her sons' grades or overall behaviour.

It had a sigh leaving your lips.

Jungkook stepped out of his room in all black: black jeans, black t-shirt, black leather jacket, and to finish off the look, a black cap.

You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good, but that was something that would never leave your lips. He didn’t deserve to know. You cursed yourself for even thinking it.

“I take it you’ll be stuck inside studying like the nerd you are,” Jungkook snorted.

There was a horrible, eye-wrenching smirk on his awful face. Who did this thing think he was?

“At least I’m not sleeping around and giving people aids.”

He jeered in return, a scowl on his face while he pierced into your soul, and presumably, set it alight.

God, you were infuriating.

Jungkook left that night without another word, he didn’t have time to sit and argue with you— which you were extremely thankful for because you were far too stressed to even think about him.

Another sigh broke your lips as your focus fell back on to your textbook. You were failing one of your classes— a class you needed to pass in order to complete the year, however, you didn’t understand anything your lecture taught you.

And what annoyed you, even more, was that Jeon Jungkook, who didn’t attend any of the classes, was passing with flying colours. If anything, your nightly curses were probably backfiring on to you.

You groaned. Life was not being fair. Not at all.

» His banana milk «

Jungkook was annoyed, more than that, he was angry and about to throw the biggest fit at the age of 21.

Yes, it’d really come to this.

His banana milk was missing, no matter how many times he checked the fridge, it wasn’t there. He bought that with his own money.

You stepped out of your bedroom, a chewed up straw perched in your mouth as you continued to scroll through your phone.

All the studying made you feel a bit peckish.

But you couldn’t exactly reach the fridge, or even step into the kitchen, since Jungkook was blocking the way with his oversized muscles.

He took the straw out of your mouth, thoroughly examining it before glaring into your eyes with his fiery red ones— yes, they were actually red. It’s not an exaggeration.

“Can I help you?” You asked in a monotone.

He grumbled under his breath, tossing the straw aside and crossing his arms over his chest.

“Did you drink all of my banana milk?”

Jungkook was never angry, he was bothersome and got annoyed but never angry. Or you just hadn’t experienced his wrath until now.

“Who gave you permission to touch what’s mine?” He continued, his voice getting deeper.

“Why are you getting so worked up over banana milk?”

“Because!” He shouted making you flinch. “Banana milk is the only thing I look forward to every single day. Don’t touch what’s yours.”

Your eyes were wide in shock, he wasn’t the most intimidating guy— not with his bunny smile, but after seeing his true form of red eyes and devil horns, you decided never to touch his banana milk again.

You even bought you a new pack the next day.

» His mess «

There were empty cans everywhere you looked, empty packets of snacks, dirty dishes, as well as, unwashed laundry, and it all belonged to the one and only Jeon Jungkook.

The amount of mess he made was actually insane, there was no one in this world who was as messy or messier than him. It inflicted you with endless headaches and made you feel sick, how could someone live like this?

A lengthy sigh left your lips, it had been a long day at uni, plus you still weren’t passing your failing class, so all in all, it wasn’t going well. And to make matters worse, the flat was a mess.

Thanks, dickhead. I hope you choke on your banana milk, you grumbled.

If there was another place to stay, somewhere you could move to, or someone else you could live with, you would move out in a heartbeat— without so much as a second thought.

But no, luck wasn’t on your side like that.

“You know when you invited me over, I didn’t think it was to help you tidy up,” sassed Jinyoung.

You rolled your eyes at his comment before throwing a dirty sock in his direction. He was utterly appalled and deeply insulted that you’d done that, but you were too busy laughing at him to care.

Jinyoung was your best friend, you’d known him since the beginning of high school, he’d always been there for you, you knew everything about it him, and he knew everything about you— including your satanic shrine set-up to get rid of Jungkook.

He was about to retaliate and launch Jungkooks boxers at you when the front door swung open. Both of you watched Jungkook throw his bag aside before strolling into his room, he didn’t even notice you were there.

“I mean, my couch is always free.”

You snorted at Jinyoungs effort to make you feel better, “you’re so annoying.”

There was a smug expression on your best friends face, his remark successfully annoyed you and he felt great— even though, he truly meant what he said.

You were always more than welcome to stay with him, and you knew that.

Jinyoung helped you tidy up, leaving the pile of unwashed laundry to decay in front of Jungkooks’ door. He would step over them and ignore they were there, you’d seen him do it before, but there was no way in hell you’d do laundry for him.

Cleaning up empty cans and packets was enough.

“Next time, we should dump all the trash on his bed,” Jinyoung remarked before making himself comfortable on your bed.

A laugh split your lips as you handed him his ice cream, “he would either sleep with it or let it rot on the floor.”

“Have you ever been inside his room?”

“No.”

“Aren’t you curious?”

“Not really...”

Jinyoung hummed in response, now focused on his ice cream instead. He didn’t question you further, because maybe he knew you were just a little, tiny bit, curious to see how it looked.

After minutes of silence and simply appreciating your ice creams, the both of you lay on your bed, doing nothing except staring at the ceiling, saying nothing besides listening to each other’s breathing.

It was peaceful, the nice kind of peace that wasn’t heavy or boring. These kinds of moments with Jinyoung were your favourite, the kind where you could bask in each other’s company without having to say a single word.

You rolled over to face your best friend, his eyes were fixed on the ceiling fan, following the way it twirled endlessly. He was a handsome boy, he was a sassy boy, and he was also a very kind boy, but he was single.

And you sometimes spent hours thinking about why.

“Jinyoung, will you ever get into a relationship?” You asked with sheer curiosity.

His eyebrows furrowed together and the expression of distaste won over his content features, it was quite amusing to watch if you were honest.

He always made the funniest faces without meaning to be funny.

“Does it look like I want to waste my precious time trying to please another human when the only one I need to please is myself?”

Jinyoung could’ve ranted for hours, he could have gone on and on and on about how he doesn’t need anyone. Which is why you changed the subject and spoke about how heavy Yugyeom snored throughout the last lecture.

It had the two of you laughing aloud, bringing tears to the eyes as you both proceeded to simultaneously list the funniest things that have happened.

Being with Jinyoung was better than a lot of things.

“Oh my gosh, did I tell you when Jungkook got angry at me for drinking all his banana milk?” You wheezed.

Jinyoung snorted and burst out laughing, shocked at your roommates' behaviour over milk— and it being banana flavoured.

“Why don’t you threaten to drink all his milk if he doesn’t clean up after himself?”

You quirked an eyebrow at his suggestion, that didn’t seem like a bad idea at all, you thought to yourself. After spending hours on end with Jinyoung, you finally said goodbye to him after telling him to text you when he got home.

Jungkook stepped out of his room when he heard the last goodbye, faltering over the pile of dirty clothes in front of his door, he complained to himself while continuing towards the fridge.

Banana milk!

Silently, with an evil grin on your lips, you trailed behind him, “Jungkook,” you called making him flinch over how close and loud you were. “You gotta start cleaning up after yourself. You’re disgusting.”

He sneered, piercing the carton with his straw, “and if I don’t?”

“If you don’t, I’ll drink all your banana milk.”

There was genuine panic in Jungkooks eyes that night.

» His hoodies «

A yawn broke your lips, eyes drooping at the sound of your lecturers' boring voice. She seemed to go on and on and on about who knows what?

This was the class you were failing, there was no time for you to be falling asleep, but you couldn’t help it, she was so dull and it was hard to concentrate.

Jinyoung who was seated next to you was too busy throwing paper balls at a fast asleep Yugyeom, he didn’t care about this class either, but he was failing like you.

You huffed to yourself, resting your chin on your hand which was hidden under your sleeve. Well, it wasn’t your sleeve per se, it wasn’t your hoodie to begin with.

It was Jungkooks’. His loss though, right?

Okay, so maybe, just maybe, you stole it, but he hadn’t noticed yet, it’d been three days and he hadn’t even asked if you’d seen it anywhere.

Therefore, no harm is done.

“I gotta ask again,” Jinyoung whispered while rolling another paper ball. “Why did you steal his hoodie if you want absolutely nothing to do with him?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you retaliated in a loud enough whisper.

Jinyoung snorted, throwing another ball at his friend.

What you didn’t notice, and your best friend did, was the way Jungkook had been staring at you, attempting to figure out where he’d seen the hoodie you were wearing.

Good thing he wasn’t that smart, Jinyoung shook his head before focusing on packing his things and leaving the lecture hall with you in tow.

➴➶➴➶

You were humming a tune to yourself in the kitchen while preparing a sandwich, something light to munch on while you studied— or at least tried to.

Jungkook came behind you, glancing over your shoulder to see what you were doing before ‘accidentally’ knocking your elbow.

“Oh! Sorry,” he exaggerated when he heard you gasp. “I didn’t see you there.”

A scowl crossed your features when the words left his lips, he was so, so, so, irritating. You hated him, you hated him, you really really hated him.

“You did that on purpose,” it was a swift argument back. “You’re such a dick.”

Jungkook snorted, standing tall with his eyes piercing down into yours, “always bringing my dick into any situation you can, aren’t you?” He tsk’d. “I’m not the one going around steal other people’s belongings.”

“What—“

“First my banana milk and now my clothes. What next, hm? I bet you would’ve stolen my virginity too if I was still a virgin.”

God, he was so infuriating.

“As if I would ever have sex with you.”

Jungkook leant in, bringing his face level to yours, his lips merely inches away, eyes staring darkly into yours and his warm breath melting into your skin.

He was so close. Too close.

“Liars go to hell, princess.”

You gulped. There was a definite glint you’d never seen in his eyes before— in anyone’s eyes. It wasn’t scary but it made you feel something you’d not felt in a long time.

Arousal.

“I’ll let you keep this hoodie since it looks good on you,” he spoke up again, but his voice was still low and very deep. “However, if I notice you take something else, I won’t let you off so easily.”

He left you with an unfamiliar and wet warmth that night.

» His revenge «

A loud groan parted your lips, the thought of studying for another hour was hurting your head. Three hours had to be enough, for now, right?

You turned to glance at your alarm clock which sat on your bedside table, next to your phone that had been buzzing constantly for the past half an hour. Jinyoung.

It was 8:33pm. A good time as any for a snack.

After stretching your very rigid muscles, you bounced off your chair and happily made way to the kitchen. Jungkook was in his room, probably wanking off or something, so he couldn’t bother you right now.

Not even the horrible weather could put you in a bad mood.

However, however, however, you couldn’t find your snacks anywhere. They were normally kept in a box on the bottom shelf in an empty cupboard, but that box, which was on the bottom shelf, was empty.

There was nothing inside it, and there definitely should’ve been because you bought so many new snacks the night before.

Honestly, you could’ve cried. Feeling irritation, anger, as well as, sadness, you stormed towards Jungkooks room and pounded on the door, ignoring the warning sign taped on the wood.

“Jungkook!” You whined. “I never touched your banana milk again, why did you steal all my snacks?! How could you?”

There was a genuine sad pout on your face when he swung the door open, he would’ve felt bad if it were someone else, but it was you, and you hated him, so why should he feel any sympathy towards you?

“You can always buy more tomorrow,” he told you.

“I can’t afford to,” you fought, not with anger, but sadness. “Those snacks were supposed to last me two weeks, you ate them all in one night.”

Jungkook shrugged.

“It’s just a bit selfish, isn’t it?”

You’d mumbled it quietly, not really wanting him to hear, but he’d heard and he tried so hard not to feel guilty.

After stammering an apology for bothering him, you gradually progressed towards your room, leaving Jungkook to think about what he’d done.

» His punishment «

You were extremely annoying, continually having something to say back to him, always bickering with him, and calling him names, but never, not once, did you ignore him.

Over the months of living together, he figured out you hated him, but you didn’t pretend he didn’t exist, you didn’t ignore his presence, no. You bothered him and cursed him out and made sure his life was living hell.

Of course, Jungkook was extremely annoyed at you for being so irritating, but he enjoyed the bickering. Albeit he’d never tell you.

He groaned at another failed attempt at getting your attention. You were sitting on the floor trying to do your homework, head resting on the coffee table, doing your utmost best to ignore the monster behind you.

Jungkook genuinely wanted you to bicker back with him, although he didn’t really know why he wanted your attention, he just knew he wanted something.

“Y/n,” he whined, foot nudging your thigh closest to him. “Please argue back with me.”

Ignoring him was harder than you thought, you were so used to instantaneously throwing an insult back that you had to mentally tape your mouth shut.

Jungkook gave up that night, it was no use. He was basically talking to a brick wall. Leaving you study by yourself, he left with an exhalation.

You watched him with a triumphant smile, but you felt as though you missed out on something.

» His turn «

It was raining, but you couldn’t hear the pitter patter like you normally could. There was a movie playing on your computer, but you couldn’t hear the dialogue like you should’ve been able to.

All because of Jeon Jungkook and his stupid loud, extremely bad music.

A groan withdrew from your lips (which you couldn’t even hear) as you let yourself drop back into your pillows. If you weren’t still ignoring him or at least trying to, you would’ve body-slammed him out of the window.

You must’ve done something awful in your past life if you were being forced to live like this now, you uttered to yourself as you stormed towards his room.

Jungkook was overdue a long list of insults.

There was no point in banging on his door since he wouldn’t be able to hear you, you couldn’t even hear yourself breathe. So, for the first time since living with him, you barged in.

Wrong move...

He was in nothing but his boxers, sure he wasn’t naked, but he wasn’t exactly fully clothed either.

The sight in front of you, however, wasn’t a disturbing one. The way his back was propped on his headboard, the way his eyes focused on his comic book, the way his head bopped to the song, it was all notably attractive... for some reason.

Jungkook glanced up and saw you staring at him in shock, a smirk would’ve propelled its way to his lips, but he was annoyed that you’d been ignoring him, more so, that you barged into his room without knocking— he would never do that to you.

Turning down the volume, he sat up, “can I help you?”

You swallowed at the hoarse sound of his voice, what was going on with you right now? Why was he suddenly so attractive? Wait, was he always this good-looking?

“Your music is too loud,” you mumbled.

Jungkook rolled his eyes and paused the song before getting off his bed, and advancing towards you with a glare on his face.

He stared down at you, arms crossed, “it’s off, you happy now?”

You nodded your head, eyes gazing intensely into his. If he wasn’t so bothersome, if he didn’t aggravate you and if you didn’t despise him. You were 100% certain you would’ve fallen in love with him.

Jungkook snorted at the expression on your face, his features softening as he tousled your hair before gently closing the door.

There was a funny feeling in your chest when you went to sleep that night, followed by a funny feeling in your chest when you woke the next morning.

There was a basket of snacks perched neatly in front of your door, a note hidden beneath a box of chocolates, Jungkook was seriously out for your heart.

» 2 drunks, 1 mistake «

It wasn’t unlike you to give up studying, but it was unlike you to say yes to a party Jinyoung wanted to go to with you. He was surprised you’d given in so easily, but, over the moon, he didn’t need to beg you.

“Are you planning on getting wasted?” Jinyoung snorted as he observed you tan another drink.

He raised an eyebrow, watching you shake your head in distaste to the strong taste. Alcohol wasn’t your favourite, but it did its bit to encourage you to have fun.

You gradually began to let yourself go as the drink within you gave you a step of confidence. Jinyoung watched you dance in amusement, plastic red cup in one hand while his other held his phone, recording you at that moment.

A smile presented a way to your lips when you twisted around and spotted his phone. The flash gave away the fact he was recording, maybe on snapchat to post on his story, maybe something to laugh about the next day; whatever it was, you didn’t care.

“Jinyoung, dance with me,” you urged, motioning for him to join you with your hand.

He shook his head, not because he didn’t want to dance, but because he wasn’t drunk enough to deal with you right now. However, he was enjoying the sight of you completely losing yourself and finally, after a long time, giving in to have fun.

Jungkook was on the other side of the room, drunk himself, seeing you have fun without him. It didn’t take long for him to muster up the courage to approach you, not when the alcohol was giving him a helping hand.

“Y/n,” he cheered, gaining your attention. “Let’s dance!”

Without so much as a second thought, you began dancing with him. Eyes wavy and mind hazy, the night went on with Jungkook by your side.

It wasn’t until your back hit the cold wall, you felt Jungkooks’ warm hands wander your body. His lips were on your neck, wet and slick, your hands were pulling his hair, urging him to go faster, to hurry up and stop teasing you.

“Jungkook,” you moaned earning a growl in return.

He stopped his ministrations on your neck, and led you towards his room, pushing you to lay on the bed while he stripped out of his t-shirt, threw his jeans aside and then crawled towards you.

Jungkook kissed you slowly but intoxicatingly, his hand moved down your form and glid under your dress, exploring and touching everywhere except where you needed him to touch you.

“Jungkook,” you muttered against his lips. “Please stop teasing me.”

His eyes were dark and glazed as he stared into yours with so much lust, want and need. An exhalation escaped your lips when he connected his lips back to your neck, hand slipping into your pants, taunting your clit.

You heaved at the ministration, writhing beneath him, silently asking for more. For anything, for something. He removed his hand, pulling your dress up along with his hand that progressed towards the back, reaching for the zip.

“Take it off,” he whispered in your ear in a low growl. “Let me see you.”

Your breathing got heavier as you watched him sit up, allowing you to move and take off your uncomfortable dress. Just like that, in slow and precise movements, the dress slipped off and hit the floor.

The alcohol from earlier was still evidently in your system, otherwise, you would have never crawled towards Jungkook and drawn him for an intoxicating and needy kiss.

Jungkook pushed you to lie down again,  so he was on top, so he could assert dominance and let you know that he was in charge and always will be.

It didn’t bother you, not when he knew what he was doing; when he was so confident in the way his hand wandered down your body, towards your heat.

Another moan parted your lips, music to Jungkooks ear. He decided there and then, after hearing you call out his name breathlessly into the night, that it would be his favourite sound.

“I bet you thought you about me every night,” he muttered in a deep, drunken, voice.

You could only nod your head, afraid that your words would get stuck in your throat due to the pleasure he was causing you.

There was no uncertainty in Jungkooks’ movements when he slipped a finger and then another into your heat, he revelled in your moans and whines, urging you to get louder the faster he pumped his digits in and out.

His free hand played with your breast, his lips nipping the skin, forcing you to squirm under his ministrations, it felt so good— amazing even, but you wanted more, needed more.

“Jungkook,” you gasped out, pulling at his hair to gain his attention. “Please, just fuck me already.”

There was a smirk on his face, a glint in his eyes as if he’d been anticipating for you to say those words. As much as he loved teasing you to no extent, he needed to feel you, to be inside you just the way he dreamt about.

He didn’t hesitate to pull off his boxers, to yank your pants down your legs, to line himself off and without a single warning, push himself deep inside.

Jungkook left you feeling breathless that night, he had you coming undone more than once and he left you feeling fully satisfied as he came deep inside.

No other words were exchanged when he drew you into his chest and lulled you to sleep with beating heart and warm body.

» The aftermath «

The next morning you woke up sweating, you had a sore head and felt sick to your stomach, forcing yourself out of bed and rushing to the closest bathroom. You heaved but nothing came out as your head hung in the toilet and your naked form sat on the cold tiled floor.

The night before was all a haze, and trying to remember what happened while sitting next to the toilet wasn’t a good idea. However, it all hit you when you stepped out of the bathroom; into the room that wasn’t yours.

You felt yourself break into a cold sweat, your eyes scanning the room before settling on a familiar face— another body just as naked as yours.

The sick feeling hurried back, but it wasn’t because of the alcohol, no, this time it was regret and the fear of allowing yourself to become another girl on Jungkooks list.

What had you done?

➴➶➴➶

Jungkook went on as if everything was normal; as if nothing had happened. But you couldn’t bring yourself to do so, not when you were sinking in newly developed feelings for the male who didn’t believe in commitment.

An agitated sigh parted your lips, you couldn’t sleep, not when the drunken night with Jungkook played on loop whenever you closed your eyes. Fortunately, Jinyoung was nice enough to let you stay the night at his, but you couldn’t stay here forever.

“Are you ever going to speak to him about this?” Jinyoung inquired, examining the dark circles under your eyes from no sleep.

There was a frown on your face when you turned to look at your best friend, “how can I?” You disputed. “He’s acting as if nothing happened, Jinyoung. You don’t understand, Jungkook doesn’t do relationships.”

“Ignore him then.”

A scoff left your lips, that was easier said than done you thought.

“I can’t,” you told him, eyes cast aside.

“Then confess.”

This time you met his intense and challenging gaze, “just because I know that Jungkook likes to drink banana milk after uni, or that he likes to eat cereal at 3am after gaming because he feels peckish, doesn’t mean I like him,” you were out of breath, heart racing as you spoke.

Jinyoung snickered in return. You gulped.

» The regret «

It was pouring while you waited for your roommate to get home. After speaking to Jinyoung, you decided he was right and you couldn’t keep pretending that you were okay.

The front door slammed shut, interrupting you from your thoughts. Jungkook kicked off his shoes and threw his soaked jacket aside. His hair was wet, and there was a frown on his face, but he looked as cute as ever.

He didn’t notice you were back home, not until you stood up and muttered his name. His eyes widened at the sight before him, you’d left without a single word and came back three days later as if it was a reasonable thing to do.

“Where have you been?” He demanded.

Jungkook was angry.

“I stayed over at Jinyoungs.”

He shook his head in disapproval before running a hand through his dripping hair. The feeling still lingered in your own hand from that night as you watched his movements.

“And you didn’t bother to tell me because?”

You licked your lips, eyes meeting his dark ones, “I’ve never had to tell you before,” you fought. “Why does it matter now?”

“You’ve never been gone for three days.”

His tone was getting louder, angrier and more irritated. But you were becoming angry too; who did he think was? Especially acting as if nothing had happened between you two.

“You’re not my boyfriend, Jungkook. I don’t need to tell you anything, it’s not like I expect you to tell me when you’ll be home after a night out,” you said, eyes gazing intensely into his. “Now let me ask you something, is it fun to act like everything between us is normal? You know very well why I disappeared for days.”

Jungkook scoffed, arms crossed over his broad chest as if asserting dominance, “we had sex, so what? Everyone has drunk sex now and then.”

“I’m not everyone, you asshole!” You shouted. “I don’t go around having sex with every girl and guy I see. You’re the second person I’ve ever had sex with, I know it’s not a big deal to you but, it means a whole lot to me.”

Jungkook licked his lips.

“You wanted to have sex with me just as much as I did with you. Don’t blame all this on me.”

“I’m not! Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you!”

It came out before you could think twice about saying it, the words slipped out in anger, you really didn’t mean to say it. But now that it was out in the open, there was no point in taking it back, so you waited; waited for Jungkook to speak.

Instead, however, he uncrossed his arms and cast his eyes aside. Your heart dropped into your stomach and you felt sick, dizzy almost as you watched him hesitate.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I don’t do relationships.”

» The awkwardness «

Jinyoung was trying his best to be there for you, you were struggling to pass the one class you hated and Jungkook was, well, avoiding you at all cost.

A yawn escaped your lips, it was becoming harder to keep your eyes open as minutes slowly turned into hours. If you decided to call it a night and go to sleep, you would never pass your exam.

At that moment, you really wanted to scream and cry. Shout at the world for not being on your side since the beginning of the school year, why was it so hard on you? What did you do wrong?

An exhausted cry left your lips while you slumped back in your seat. The words in the textbook stopped making sense hours ago, Jinyoung was no longer awake to help you and you had no one else to turn to.

Feeling extremely agitated, you closed the book and hurled it away from you, almost hitting Jungkook while doing so. He stared at the textbook by his feet and chuckled to himself before glancing at a very distraught you.

“Are you struggling that much?”

His voice was soft and somewhat comforting, but it was awkward and you couldn’t bring yourself to glance at him, so you hesitantly nodded your head instead.

There was a kind smile on his lips that you missed when he sat down next to you. Not too close because he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, but close enough to help you.

“What do you need help with?” He urged placing the textbook back on the table.

You sighed in defeat, “everything.”

Without hesitation, Jungkook started from the beginning and helped simplify the text. He made it easier to understand, besides the awkward silences that took place in between, you began to understand what you once didn’t.

And thanks to Jungkook, you were confident when it was time to sit the exam. Safe to say, you finally passed the class you hated as much as you once hated your roommate.

Although it was still very awkward between you, Jungkook stopped avoiding you. He didn’t say much— not like he used to, but you didn’t make an effort either since you still had a lot on your mind.

Still, things were getting better.

» The silent reconciliation «

You were lying on the floor with the balcony door wide open, the cool air from outside wasn’t enough to stop you from over-heating as the sun beamed through the window.

The weather got nicer as the days passed by, summer vacation was just around the corner and you knew you would have nothing to do. So, you decided to mope around earlier rather than later, Jinyoung wasn’t too impressed when you told him.

“You’re not a cat,” he told you.

“You can’t do that all summer,” he said.

A shake in disagreement had him rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

There were crumbs littered around you with empty packets of crisps and cans. A smile adorned your face as you watched the male lead finally kiss the female.

Jungkook entered the flat to you on the floor, surrounded by a mess and a grin on your face. The drama you were watching wasn’t even that good, he grimaced hearing one of the many cheesy lines.

He proceeded towards the fridge to get his banana milk before settling into the couch; to join you. To enjoy your company for once instead of locking himself in his room.

“How can you watch that without cringing?”

Jungkooks’ question made you laugh, you sat up to look at him and shrugged your shoulders. There was something about the way you smiled at him to the way you crawled towards him to sit on the couch.

Jungkook gulped.

He didn’t even notice you were wearing nothing but an oversized shirt— an old one that once belonged to him.

“It’s not too bad, you get used to it actually.”

Jungkook glimpsed at you from the side of his eye before focusing back on the tv. Your confession was still fresh in his mind, playing like a broken record over and over again.

You never mentioned it again, mainly because he avoided you for like a week and you found it too awkward to talk to him. But things seemed to be okay now, he thought.

“What do you like to watch anyway?” You asked, shifting to look at him.

Jungkook was surprised by your question, but thinking about it, neither of you knew anything about the other.

“Iron man,” he told you.

A laugh parted your lips at his response, the way he said it with such an innocent face made him look like a child. It was cute.

Silence took place once your focus was back on the tv, there was nothing much to say or talk about. You’d never spent time like this together, although it was nice, it wasn’t normal.

You licked your lips, mind full of thoughts and such as you got off the couch. Perhaps, you still felt a little bit uncomfortable around him, not because he was sitting next to you, but because your confession was gnawing at your mind like a parasite.

“Where are you going?” Came his question.

It took a lot in you to turn around and stare at him, to make eye contact and to fake a smile. Fortunately, it didn’t take him long to catch on, to think about what he asked and awkwardly avoid eye contact.

“I’m sorry, Jungkook,” was your response. “It’s still a little bit difficult to be around you. I just need some time for things to go back to normal.”

What if I don’t want that, he thought to himself. What if he didn’t want things to go back to normal, what would you say then?

“But,” you added with a genuine smile this time. “I think I like this better— being friends instead of constantly bickering.”

Jungkooks’ smile in return was just as genuine.

» A new friend «

“UNO!”

Grumbling in irritation of possibly losing another round, you picked up 4 cards and then internally cried when you watched Jungkook throw down his last card.

There was a frown on your face when you threw your nine cards in his direction. When Jungkook suggested playing Uno you didn’t think you would lose every single game.

“I don’t want to play anymore,” you pouted.

That night Jungkook learnt you disliked losing.

➴➶➴➶

One hit. Two. Three more.

Six.

“Y/n, stop throwing popcorn at me and watch the damn movie,” he laughed when you hit him again.

There was a mischievous grin on your face, he wasn’t paying attention as his eyes were back on the tv. You took this as an opportunity to take a handful of popcorn and propel it at him, Jungkook shouted your name before chasing after you.

That night Jungkook learnt you got bored easily.

➴➶➴➶

You were in Jungkooks’ room, he had his last class today so he wasn’t home. Not yet, anyway. So, you took that as your chance to invade his closet for another hoodie, another black one.

When he got home you were still going through each hoodie, narrowing it down to three and then two and then choosing the one you liked best. Although all of them looked the same, there was a different comfort to each of them.

Jungkook had banana milk in his hand, straw in his mouth as he observed you from his doorway. There was a wide grin on his face while he watched you try the last one on.

“Are you seriously stealing my clothes again?”

You pursed your lips, preferring the last one you tried on better than any of the others and then smiled in triumph.

“At least it’s not your banana milk,” you teased before sliding off to your room.

That night Jungkook learnt you liked his hoodies better than your own.

➴➶➴➶

You lay your head on Jungkooks’ shoulder, a yawn broke your lips as you attempted to stay awake. It had been a long day, and you were exhausted.

Especially since Jungkooks’ loud friend had woken you up so early, Namjoon was his name you think, or was it Taehyung? You couldn’t quite remember.

It didn’t matter though, you would be in your bed soon, you just needed to wait for Jungkook; he wanted to say bye to his friends before leaving the party youse were currently at.

However, they were nowhere to be seen.

“Jungkook,” you muttered earning his attention. “I’ll head home, you can stay a little longer and hang out with your friends.”

His eyebrows furrowed in thought, “are you sure?”

“Of course!”

There was a smile on your face, a genuine one at that, but you did feel a little sad that you two weren’t walking back home together. No matter, you’d see him the next morning considering you lived together. Duh.

Jungkook watched you stand up and stretch your arms, he missed your warmth already. He let you gather your things, sliding on your jacket before reaching for your bag.

Luckily, it wasn’t a big party and just a friendly get together to celebrate the end of the school year. Well, one of many yet to come.

“I’ll give Jinyoung a call and talk to him on my walk home, that way it’ll feel like a faster walk,” you said before heading towards the door.

Jungkook hesitated for a second, glancing around in quick movements his friends really were nowhere to be seen at that moment, so he thought what the heck, and rushed after you.

You were surprised to see him, considering he was eager to say bye to his friends since they were going back home for summer break and he wasn’t.

“I promised you we would walk home together,” he explained before you could question him. “Let’s go.”

That night you learnt that either Jungkook kept his promises, or you meant a whole lot more to him than you thought.

» Euphoria «

There was a soft smile on your face, mind zoning in and out as your eyes slipped closed every few seconds before you opened them once again.

It was a nice evening, Jungkook thought as he admired you from his place on the love-seat. You were on the floor, leaning against the balcony railing, appreciating the view, savouring the nice weather and listening to the bustling city.

The idea of spending the rest of the evening on the balcony was your idea, Jungkook merely agreed because he had nothing better to do, except drink banana milk, and right now, spending time with you deemed sweeter.

There was a smile on lips as he appreciated your features from his seat. The setting sun, golden with soft hues of oranges, hit off your face perfectly making it seem as if you were glowing.

Jungkook felt his heart beating loudly in his chest, drumming in ears and spinning in his mind while he thought about you and your confession.

Was it too late to bring it up? Maybe, maybe not.

You turned around to face Jungkook, smiled wide and genuine before moving to stand in between his legs. He thought you were beautiful when you smiled without a reason; when you smiled at him and for him.

He thought you were most beautiful when you were yourself, not caring a single bit about what others thought of you.

“Jungkook, if you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

It was an innocent question because you were genuinely curious to learn more about him, and get to know him better than you already did.

Jungkook stood up, eyes gazing down into yours.

“If I could have anything in the world, I would choose you.”

A gasp left your lips, you weren’t expecting that to be the answer. You thought he would speak about a dream job or a lifetime supply of banana milk. Not you.

He gently cupped your cheek with one hand while circling the other around your waist to draw you closer. You didn’t push him away, you didn’t stop him, no. Instead, you let him do as he pleased because, for the first time, you felt the racing of his heart.

“I don’t know if you still feel the same way about me, but I’m in love with you, y/n,” he confessed. “I know I told you that I don’t do relationships, but I’m willing to try and succeed with you, and... And I know I didn’t go by things the right way, and I’m really sorry, buh—but I’ll be better. I’ll do better... for you. Always.”

Without hesitation, without a single thought of reconsideration, you kissed him. You kissed him with tenderness and passion, you kissed him slowly and softly.

And he kissed back with just as much.

There was a soft smile on his lips when you parted, and for the first time, you saw genuine love and care in his eyes.

That was when you felt intense happiness.

“Of course, I love you, Jungkook,” you spoke softly but surely. “You’re my euphoria.”

➴➶➴➶

« thank you for reading, feedback is always appreciated. »

[buckitybarnes]

Sticks, Stones, and Broken Bones [3] Bucky x Reader

Summary: When the Avengers catch wind of a HYDRA swarm at a local middle school, they’re there to see what’s up. What they find is beyond them. She’s mature for her age, she’s spunky and ready to bring the bad guys down to their knees, and most of all…she’s looking for her mom. They only want to help, but there are too many sides to this war, and very few you can trust. Bucky makes it a little more complicated when he experiences sympathy and becomes attached.

Warnings/Themes: violence/gore, Mentions of death, angst, fluff, Dad!Bucky, Reader is not the real mom, Nice uncle stevie and gang, Soft boi, humor, profanity, Mentions of a terrorist attack/school attack.

Author’s Note: -

Last Chapter

Buy me a Ko-fi?

Chapter 3: Firecracker

-

A feisty little fireball…

That’s exactly what Bucky thinks of you. Even with you yelling at him and threatening everyone else in this room, he regards you with a smirk.

Bruce was nervously grounding himself in the corner, unable to think clearly with your loud talking. For once, Tony remains silent. He stares with a disapproving scowl before moving to the computers and typing away in a search engine. Mable, who wandered back in after a few minutes, innocently finishes her snack, unfazed by your rambling.

And Bucky….well, Bucky thought it was rather adorable to a certain point. He made it verbally clear too. The incredulous look on your face only gave him deeper satisfaction.

“And at what point would that be?” you challenge, ready to set this big oaf aflame.

“Keep pushing me and we might reach it, Doll.”

The pet name and the amusement behind his eyes make your blood boil.

Before you can knock him out, the door hisses open and in steps Captain America.

“That’s enough,” he demands, throwing Bucky a pointed glare.

Clearly catching his disappointment, Bucky’s eyebrows furrow. “She started it,” he accuses.

“And you’re both ending it,” Steve deflects, shaking his head. There was no room for argument.

You huff in annoyance. Something about Steve’s authoritative manner made you back down instantly. Clearly, he was called the Captain for a reason.

He gestures for Mable to get up out of her chair and she doesn’t hesitate, sauntering over to her new friend. While you had been gone, she was quick to find her allies here in the tower.

“Bucky, why don’t you make Mae some lunch while Miss [Y/L/N] and I talk?”

Bucky opens his mouth to argue but shuts it quickly after the look Steve gives him. He gives you one last glare before holding his hand out to Mable. She wraps her small hand around his and follows, throwing you an apologetic smile.

As soon as the two leave the room, you turn to the Captain and huff. “I’m gonna flip my shit.”

“Looks like you’re past that stage,” Steve teases, a glint of playfulness in his eyes. He sighs tiredly and gestures for you to sit. “Let’s talk.”

“About what, exactly?”

Tony butts in this time, relieved that Steve has calmed you down somewhat. “About you and your little girl. About who you are and what you should be doing to make sure your ass isn’t caught by Hydra again.” He holds a finger up when you begin to speak. “I let you barge in here, Cupcake, but I can certainly throw you back out.”

The spinning stool screeches slightly when you sit. Your cold glare does not waver underneath his own.

“You’re clearly not safe at home.”

You shake your head. “It’s called a ‘Safe House’ for a reason. Besides, we weren’t attacked at home.”

Tony nods once to Bruce, who picks up a tablet from his desk and places it in your hands. In front of you sits live footage of the outside of your house.

It’s on fire.

Poetic irony is what you would call it if you weren’t so angry. That house was your pride and joy. You helped build it from the ground up and ever since you and Mable moved in, it had become a safe-haven.

Or so you thought.

You can see Hydra agents scurrying out, holding close possessions and photos. You can see one shake their head, probably confirming that you indeed were not home. When you see red and blue lights approaching from a distance, you observe them as they sneakily make their way out from the crime scene.

“How the fuck do you have cameras on it….”

“Your kid’s backpack has your address and I did a little Googling. Was able to send out a droid. Times are changing. Technology is advancing,” he says dryly.

“How did they find it?”

Tony shakes his head. “Beats me.” He taps the table, calling for your attention, and when you look up, he smiles sadly. “Listen, I’m sorry that this is happening, but you have to change your strategy.”

Seeing the ruins of your house, your shoulders slump in defeat. You weren’t cut out for this. You needed professional help. “What are you suggesting, Stark?”

“Until we can get Hydra off of your backs or at least figure out why they’re after you, you’re gonna have to find another place to be safe.”

“I don’t do crowds. I couldn’t live in the complex.”

“Wasn’t suggesting the complex. It’s an obvious space. It’s way too risky.” He pulls out a key from the keyring in his pocket and hands it to you. “I’ve got a beach house in Nags Head. Used to go there all the time as a getaway. It’s yours for now.”

You slowly pluck the key from his hand and frown. “Anyone know where this place is?”

He hums lowly. “Me, Pepper, Rogers, and now you and little Mable.” He eyes you with a sharp gaze. “Of course, you’re no Avenger....”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t protect myself out there.”

His smile turns into a crooked smirk. “Sure, but I also gotta make sure you don’t wreck my vacation home and you never know when you’ll need the extra hand.”

For once, you back down. He had a point, again, If you almost lost Mable in a school shooting, who knows what could happen if you weren’t prepared for the next attack? “Alright….who’s it gonna be?”

Mable comes rushing back in, and you turn away too quickly to see the wicked smirk on Tony’s face.

She grins from ear-to-ear as if none of the earlier events happened. “Hey! Did you know we’re having the Winter Soldier as our bodyguard?!”

Your stomach drops in pure dread.

“Absolutely not --”

You’re cut off when an empty backpack comes flying out from behind Mable and hits you square in the face. As it falls to the ground, you see Bucky poke his head inside, smiling in faux innocence.

“Can we go grocery shopping first? Need food. So much food.”

You deadpan at him before looking at Tony. “Why?” He has his back turned to you, trying to rub off some of the soot you left on the ground with a paper towel under his shoes. “Well, to be honest, he’s the trash of this group. We dispose of him before anyone else.”

Surprisingly, Bucky sniggers. It’s been a while since he’s made amends with the billionaire. The jabs exchanged between the two now are a part of their new awkward friendship.

You roll your eyes and stand from your seat, stomping over to Mable and the walking tin can.

Oh, how you hoped for a quick solution to this situation.

“There’s one more thing,” Tony calls out, stopping you in your tracks.

Never in any press conference or footage have you seen Tony Stark so cold.

It feels like you’re talking to a different man entirely.

“While you were busy cursing up a storm, I ran some scans. A girl got her father’s powers of combustion and at a young age became a delinquent because she couldn’t handle being different. When he passed away she started committing arson. Jumped from city to city and she’s only been caught once burning down a big politician’s house, but then she escaped and they couldn’t catch her. Ring any bells?”

You’re not only taken aback by his sudden outburst, but you were livid. He was overwhelming you, throwing everything that you’ve ever tried to hide back in your face, and out of absolutely nowhere.

“Where the hell are you going with this?” In actuality, you knew exactly where he was going with this. You knew this man liked to have the upper hand. He enjoyed being in control, it made him feel safe.

It also meant that he saw you as a detriment, and if your suspicions were correct, you had nothing to bite back with. “You don’t know everything, I started doing that shit because --”

“Because what? Because you wanted to watch the world burn when it turned against you?”

“Tony,” Steve interjects, shaking his head tersely. He reminded you that you and Tony weren’t the only ones in the room. Everyone was just silent as they absorbed the shocking information “That’s not necessary.”

Tony clears his throat, clearly caught up in the heat of the moment. He didn’t know you, but from what he did gather, he didn’t like what you were doing. Something just snapped within him after holding back from you this entire encounter.

The idea of lashing out just because you had a bad childhood was insanely infuriating. If he can help it, he wouldn’t let Mable end up like you. He could shape her into a hero.

He eyes you and you eye him. A silent agreement is made to put this distaste for each other on hold.

“Let’s cut to the chase,” he starts. With a small gesture to Mable, who is currently hiding behind Bucky, he sighs deeply. “We’ve got Wanda here that can help Mable control her powers. I’m not asking you to do any dirty work, but I am asking you to lay low for a while. No job. No school. Homeschooling is always an option.”

“You want us to give it all up?” you ask. “As if our whole world hasn’t already been flipped upside down?”

“If I’m being completely honest, I only want to keep her from becoming something we don’t want: another problem.”

That main problem was you.

But that wasn’t fair. Not at all.

You stopped committing crimes, learned to harness your powers. You started living a completely normal life before all of this, and now, he was projecting his hate of your previous wrongdoings onto a different situation.

You know for a fact that Mable didn’t have to use her abilities. She could lock them up and have a better childhood than yours.

But was it fair to make the decision for her?

You give Tony and Steve one last glance before turning back around.

“Give me some time to think about it,” you demand.

“The sooner she starts training, the better she becomes at controlling it,” Tony answers.

You storm past Bucky, making your way towards the car.

Hesitantly, Mable follows, busy with her own thoughts on the issue at hand.

--

The ride to North Carolina was anything but exciting.

Tony suggested you took a car instead of a jet to remain more incognito. So, here you are in the passenger’s seat of a black Land Rover. Mable’s in the back with her seatbelt on, but you’re still worried due to Bucky’s inconsistent driving.

Sometimes he drags, allowing cars to pass by (some drivers angrier than others). Sometimes, he floors it out of nowhere, and you’re not sure if it’s on purpose. Either way, you wanted to confront Steve about his best friend’s horrible driving skills.

“Hey,” Mable calls out, cutting through the sounds of the radio.

“Yeah?” Bucky asks first, earning a confused glare from you.

Mable throws Bucky a dashing smile before turning completely towards you. “I was thinking….Mr.Stark said that Wanda could help me with my powers…”

“We’ll talk about it later, Mable,” you mutter tiredly, leaning your head against the window. You don’t see Bucky raising an eyebrow at you.

He had his own opinions about the situation, but he knew he was out of place to say anything. Still, he thought that training Mable was for the best. She didn’t even have to use her powers, and if worse comes to worst, she had something to protect herself with.

He feels for the kid. God knows it took him years after Hydra to fully accept his super-serum capabilities and the damn hunk of metal replacing his arm. It had to be a huge stress on a child to have dangerous powers at this age.

“But it’s important! She knows how to --”

“Mable,” You cut in sternly. “I said we’ll talk about this later.”

She makes a noise of frustration before going silent. You don’t have to peer over to know she’s swallowing a lump in her throat and trying her best not to cry.

It pains you to see her so crushed about the situation, but the pressure was dragging you down with it.

The sudden move, Tony digging up your dirty secrets, and the thought that you’d have someone to babysit you just gave you the biggest headache. You needed to collect yourself, and right now, the only place to do it was in your new house in your new room.

“Fuck,” you growl under your breath.

You had opened your bag to look for one of the magazines you were reading earlier.

You left it back at home.

And now it was gone, burned away with every other belonging.

You don’t know why, but you start tearing up, your throat burning and your vision blurring.

It was a magazine. A stupid, ‘Here’s your latest Celebrity Gossip’  magazine, but the thought of losing something to a housefire reminded you that you lost everything to that damn housefire.

You didn’t even have much of your clothes.

The only things in your bag were your wallet, some miscellaneous snacks, a t-shirt and sweats for after work, and a set of keys to that very house.

“You alright?” Bucky asks. He bites his bottom lip. For once, concern fills his features. He’s used to being in the middle of a cross-fire, but it makes him nervous no less.

“It’s fine,” you answer, trying to assure him as much as you try to assure yourself. “It’s just a stupid magazine I left at home.”

The dismissive tone in your voice stops his words from leaving his own mouth. He hums in understanding, turning up the radio to fill the heavy quiet with some music.

Bucky Barnes listened to classical music. He says it calms him down and chases away the bad thoughts.

And he’s right.

The soft piano notes fill your head as you watch the scenery fly by from outside the window.

At least you get a new start, even if it is not the first.

[hoodie-lover]

My Multiverse Part 26

The kitchen was literally on fire and Dust was having to resist every instinct, both culinary and self preservative, to grab a fire extinguisher or run, or both. His brother’s maniacal laughing was not helping him either, but all in all, he was having fun. It’s been, who knows how long it’s been since he cooked with his bro, let alone seen him under non-hostile circumstances. It felt nice. However, with the threat of Flowey hanging over his head, he had a horrible feeling in his soul. He hated the fact that he'd be revisiting the reason he was so lazy and didn’t give a shit for 90% of his life. 

When Papyrus called his name he looked up and saw that the spaghetti was done. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth as he sat down, but the smell of the spaghetti was something that made him nearly sweat. He picked at it with the fork and picked it up, his hand trembling as he looked at his brother, scarfing the plate down. He summoned up all his courage and took a small bite. His eyes lit up at the taste, crispy and charred, but edible. 

“It’s good bro.” Dust said, he had tasted a million things better than this, but he had also tasted worse. 

“Of course it is brother! Why wouldn’t it be?” Papyrus said, smiling his large goofy grin. 

“Can’t argue there. Any other attempts by anyone else would impastas.” Dust joked with a wink. 

“ARGHHHHHHH! SANS!” Papyrus cried out, turning his head in disgust. 

“What? Your pasta will be a pizza history.” Dust continued to joke, the puns were rolling out of his mouth as if he were in airplane mode.

“Lunch is ruined!” Papyrus announced, picking up his empty plate and taking it to the sink. 

“I’m pretty full myself Paps. You don’t gnocchi how filling this is.”

“That’s not even a pasta Sans!” Papyrus corrected from the kitchen.

“Got me there Paps, I guess that pun was pre-pasta-rous.” Papyrus groaned again. 

“I’ll be heading out for a few minutes, can you watch the fort while I’m gone?” Dust asked, getting up from their table. He had a weed to discuss a few things with. 

“Of course brother! I am The Great Papyrus!” Papyrus said and Sans chuckled as he walked out the door. 

The snow was cold, flakes falling like feathers onto his scratched up skull. The cold was something he had long forgotten about, but he never noticed how ill-equipped he was in this thin hoodie. The house was big, one of the biggest in Snowdin, so when he saw Flowey turning his evil head his way he rushed to greet the sadistic maniac. 

“Well well well, if it isn’t everyone’s favorite trash bag! What brings you by-” Flowey said but was cut off by the gaster blaster behind him. 

“Shut your trap and listen. I don’t care about you, or anyone here, so there is nothing stopping me from killing you here and now. Leave Papyrus and I alone or I will not hesitate to end your miserable soulless existence.” Dust said as he dispelled the blaster, but he didn’t turn his back to his fellow mass murderer. 

“Why so bold Sansy? I made friends with Papyrus a few days ago, I haven’t done anything. So what are you planning, what are you planning that I can mess up?” Flowey asked, grinning slyly. 

“Something that concerns you not weed.” Dust spat as he stared down Flowey. 

“Anything that happens down here concerns me.” Flowey countered, sneering.

“Seems you’re out of the loop then. A lot of stuff that doesn’t concern you has happened, I can’t even describe it all.” Dust teased the flower. 

“Oh! Care to try?” Flowey asked, reaching a vine up behind Sans to try and snag him. 

“If you stay away from my work, I might.” Sans said as he blasted the vine that would have wrapped around his leg with a blaster.

Stunned into silence by Sans’ blast, Flowey sunk back under the dirt as Sans laughed a cold and evil cackle. It rang, it echoed, and it wasn’t right. But what caught his attention was Sans’ left eye it was red and blue, emanating a purple light. From the many genocide runs Flowey had tried to complete, he knew Sans’ eyes glowed blue and yellow and eminated a blue light, not the evil he saw. 

But Flowey was very curious about what happened, it seemed Sans became a new person overnight. Flowey was hoping that he would be able to figure out was Sans was up to before Frisk fell down, that way he could fill them in on everything and not have to split the credit for their schemes for once. It was so infuriating how, just because they can RESET and he can’t anymore, they deserve all the credit and knowledge of how the world works and all its secrets. 

Dust looked at where Flowey had entered the ground, he stepped towards it and looked at the small dime sized hole, and spat on it. Decades, maybe even centuries of built up and long forgotten hate boiling to the top. Spitting on where you last saw them wasn’t the worst thing one can do, but it summed up his feelings nicely. 

When he made his way out from the side of the house a voice called out to him. 

“Hey Sans! We’re heading to Grillby’s, wanna join?” A few of the regulars called out to him, they were nothing special, people Dust didn’t recognize, but shrugged anyway.

As the group walked into the bar, Dust was assaulted with the smell of ketchup, burgers, and fries. And grease, so much grease. He then realized he would have to give Papyrus a hug, his little brother was right. 

“Sans, you’re wearing your hood up? Never seen you do that before, looks kinda creepy.” One of the dogs said, and Dust quickly pulled it down. 

“Sorry.” Dust said as he sat in his usual spot, a place he never forgot, though it felt alien to him, like it was meant for someone else. 

“No need to be sorry Sans. It looks cool.” Grillby said, placing a bottle of ketchup beside him. 

“T-thanks Grillby.” Dust muttered, looking down at his pink fluffy slippers. 

“Is something wrong Sans? You seem jumpy.” Grillby asked and Dust shook his head, keeping a nervous smile on his face. 

In this moment he cursed his former insanity once more, for it took his poker face. 

Dust opened the ketchup bottle and took a swig, and he almost threw up. Using every ounce of willpower he swallowed every drop from the bottle and placed it down on the counter. Little did he know, Flowey was watching him, more intrigued than threatened by Dust’s threat. 

“Seems he’s lost his love of ketchup. I’m starting to doubt if that’s really Sans.” Flowey said to himself, but the more he entertained the idea, the more he was perplexed by it. 

How would they dispose of the original? Where would they hide him? Did they dust him? What is their motive? Why do they look like him, are they a shapeshifter? Are they even a he?

Questions swirled in the small flower’s head as he stared at the impasta, Flowey sighed at the unintentionally stolen pun. But he made sure to duck whenever he thought they’d look his way, they were stronger than that trash bag for sure, if one thing was clear. But when they got a text on a phone that was not Sans’ they excused themselves, said they pay the tab later, and left. 

Sans walked to his house, finding Papyrus absent. Probably out doing something with Undyne or patrol. Whatever the reason it gave him the perfect opportunity to call in the gang and set up their equipment in Sans’ secret room.

“Come on in.” He cried out, and a large portal opened up in the living room. 

Flowey was shocked, two trash bags. The other one was bleached out expect for a red scarf and his right eye was completely covered. His name as Geno, Geno Sans, Geno Sans. After repeating the name to himself he realized in sounded like genocide, and a wicked grin grew across his face. They were Sans alright, but if Geno here was from an alternate timeline, and nicknamed accordingly, Flowey wondered how many more there were. 

“Hey Dust, ready to teleport?” Geno asked and Dust nodded. 

“WHAT?!” Flowey screamed as the two vanished into thin air, the doppelganger was nicknamed Dust?! Suddenly the violent nature, creepy red, and the uncomfort being normal made sense, but if he had a lot of LOVE, it would confirm Flowey’s theory. The day was still young, he had all the time in the world after all. 

Characters belong to their respective owners

Next

First

[kidolate]

Perfect Perfidy Pt.2

PART 2 OF PERFECT PERFIDY, find part 1 here, part 3 here and part 4 here! part 5 here!!!! Part 6 (final)

I did trash I’m so sorry but enjoy anyway! I love you all so much. Also please let me know if you’d all like a part 3! Since school started again I’ll have allocate a special time to write for you guys!

A month had passed since you left Jumin, you weren’t sure what to do with him and your marriage, you kept your phone turned off and asked Zen to keep quiet about residing with him temporarily and he had gladly listened to your request. The two of you lived in peace, almost like a couple, he went to work while you stayed at home cooking and cleaning since it was the least you could do, he came home and you hugged him tight as a greeting, the two of you shared a bed every night and you borrowed a lot of his t-shirts. It was natural for the both of you now to act this way although you freaked out when Zen had told you how you yanked him in bed to sleep with you on the first night, despite him assuring you he was fine with it.

You wanted to deny that you were using Zen as a replacement for Jumin, you missed Jumin, he was your everything, but Jumin decided to walk out of your life just as Zen walked in, it was purely coincidental.

Zen was worried that you didn’t see him as a man any more or you were just tempting him, he had to run into the shower to help himself so many times because of you,too many times to count, you would grind on him accidentally while you were sleeping and you had constantly walked around in his t-shirts and when you bent down or reached up he couldn’t help but look at how sultry you looked although he knew your intentions were innocent. He knew you still loved him.

Zen had gotten a new role and had suggested going out for the night to celebrate, also reasoning that you needed to get out of the house and let loose. You agreed and ended up actually leaving the house to buy a new dress, as soon as you got home you tried it on and looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

You had lost enough weight for it to be noticeable but you prayed it was just because you were over analysing yourself and it wasn’t really noticeable, the dress was white and had off shoulder long lace sleeves, the dress itself was plain and ended mid-thigh with a straight neckline to level with the start of your sleeves. It looked good on you and you hoped Zen thought so too, you wanted to look for him since he was taking you out, it would be rude to not put any effort in.

You went to the front door when you had heard it open, going to greet Zen, as usual, running up and hugging him like you always do.

“Welcome back Zen!” You said as he turned around to close the door, you hugged him from behind and nuzzled your face into his side with the purpose of tickling him in your mind.

Zen laughed and turned around to return the embrace, but he froze when he saw what you were wearing, your smooth and bare shoulders flicking a switch in his mind with just a mere glance, the dress was short and tight, serving as the last push he needed to take her completely right there.

“M-MC, you look great! But I should go and get uhh changed” Zen somehow managed to spit out as he ran to the bathroom.

You smiled to yourself as you went to make yourself a cup of tea while you waited for Zen to get ready completely clueless of what was going on behind the bathroom door. Zen cursed at himself in the shower as he reached down to help himself once again with the thought of you in his head, you affected him so much and it infuriated him that you didn’t even realise it.

Once Zen was showered and dressed the two of you then later found yourselves standing outside a club, the outside had a placid feel with few people loitering here and there but you could hear the booming music from the inside, a high contrast with just a wall to divide them. The two of you walked in and sat down, ignoring the sudden blast of hot air and scent of alcohol obnoxiously hanging around you.

You looked to your left and saw Zen already had a beer in hand so you ordered one of your own drinks to help you slacken up, before you knew it Zen had taken your hand when he was sure you both were intoxicated enough to have some fun and took you to the dance floor, he was drunk and so were you and the two of you were dancing together, completely failing to notice someone slip something into your drink and speak urgently into the phone. The two of you moved suggestively against each other, his hands touching you all over with an occasional squeeze and your hands behind you palming him through his jeans. It was like that for a while before the song changed and Zen pulled you back to where you drinks were.

“We should continue that somewhere else MC” he whispered into your ear as he pulled one of your hands forcing you to touch him again “You’ve woken up the beast”

You giggled as you drank the last of your drink with your other hand ignoring the slight chemical taste in it. Zen pulled you outside of the club and walked into an alleyway, shoving you against the wall and attacked your neck, it all had happened so quick you didn’t notice how fast the place had emptied and how chilly the air had gotten.

A whimper slipped from your mouth as he sucked hard and let go, admiring the oval shaped hickey he made.

“MC, you have no idea how crazy you drive me, you’re so beautiful at home, I can’t ignore a princess like you walking around in nothing but my shirts, it drives me insane” he said as his hand slid up your thigh and pushed your dress all the way up to your hips. You went to move your arms to push him off but you couldn’t control your arms, they felt numb. Panic flared in you and your eyes widened, had your drink been spiked?! You couldn’t be sure right now but that would be the most plausible explanation considering it was a club and that kind of thing happened all the time.

You tried to move your legs but you found that you didn’t have any control over your legs either, meanwhile Zen had continued his assault on you, clearly inebriated to the point of no return, he was acting on complete impulse without a second thought. He moved from your neck and peppered light kisses on your cheek before going for your mouth, the drugs you had inadvertently taken has now taken its full effect on you, you couldn’t move your head away to avoid his kiss or even stand up, you were relying on his tight hold he had on your hips.

Zen had now completely violated your mouth with his tongue and you would have been shaking in fear or struggling against him if you had been able to move, you accidentally moaned when you felt one of Zen’s cold hands slip into your panties, he smirked against your lips before you felt him being ripped off of you and you felt yourself fall forward, a scream about to rip from your mouth since making noises was the only thing you could do, although a familiar black haired man caught your fall and stopped your scream.

Your heart dropped when you realised it was Jumin and that he had thrown Zen onto the ground a couple of meters away from you, effectively halting Zen’s assault, you cursed yourself when you realised Jumin had caught you wasting your life away at some club and had witnessed you in your weakest state and to top it all off, he hated Zen and here you were letting him get intimate with you.

“Let’s go home princess” Jumin said as he fixed your clothing up, threw his coat over you and then threw you over his shoulder walking back to his limo. Jumin lightly set you down on the seat and then climbed in himself, telling driver Kim to go to the penthouse as quick as he can.

Jumin stared at your unmoving body, his hands fiddling with each other, you couldn’t help but remember how those hands touched another woman the way he was only supposed to touch you, that same hand with a ring on it touched another woman when he had promised to be yours. You felt tears drip from your eyes and roll down your cheeks but you couldn’t move to wipe them off

Your eyes shot up when you felt a thumb wiping your tears away, your stomach churned in disgust and hate before you willed your tongue to project your thoughts.

“Don’t touch me with your defiled and tainted skin, Jumin” you spat, relief sweeping over you when his eyes widened and soft hand disappeared.

[princessintraining]

A million years later, I FINALLY posted the explanation as to why Nagito Komaeda is the way he is. Everything below is from the original post I’ve written so it explains the format and such but I hope you enjoy!

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Just a little drabble I did that was originally supposed to be an Komaeda x Reader fic but soon became a thing that explained Komaeda’s mind through his POV based on my theory of him. I put myself into his mindset to write that part but later on though, it goes back into Komaeda x Reader format. I hope you enjoy this as much as I loved writing it! ^w^

~Tori-chan

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“You’re not trash!”

This was the third time around that I heard this today, but really, what do they know? I’ve become accustomed to hearing those words over and over again this pass year that it just leaves a dull sound in my ears. Naturally, when they first uttered that phrase, I was taken aback,

“You’re not trash”

Only once it became repetitive, once I knew that she was trained to say just that, it didn’t impact me the same way anymore. In fact, it became so tedious that I would just fabricate a smile and thank them for their words just to get it done and over with. If it made them believe what they were saying helped, I didn’t mind lying to them, granted that I was able to leave early. I just adapted myself into accepting that this would be part of my usual schedule, a minor set back to my day-to-day cycle of Luck. I would’ve said “my daily cycle of life” but realistically, I don’t have a life, I only have my Luck.

See, Luck is Ultimate Power. It’s the great unknown. People aren’t actually in control of their lives; they can only trigger the chain reaction of what’s to come. In the course of time, it only boils down to their Luck if it settles in the end. People lack control over Luck either as it happens by chance, leaving themselves vulnerable to their what’s actually occurring underneath. Luck can either ruin your life with a flick of the finger or completely change it towards the better. Scientists, philosophers, they all are capable of solving any mystery that is thrown in their path, but this is one topic that they haven’t been capable of explaining. So, instead of having a decent grasp at the subject, they’re left in the dark, just like me to an extent and that can be frightening to some, if not all. Not knowing what will happen next if you left it alone can infuriate anyone, so imagine how I feel for that very reason since my talent is the Ultimate Luck. That’s the reason why I try anyway to stay in control! I try to guide my good or ill luck through my actions because at least I’ll know what kind of Luck I have in store next! Just kidding! I read it off a book I read once, sounds pretty convincing right? Anyway, Luck is so powerful that even my demise could happen at any moment but I would be unaware of it! That’s why I need control over my luck, so at the very least I understand that if I would die, I would die off my own terms, not my Luck. To be frank, I’m content with my actions may it lie at the past, present, or future if it meant I held the reins of what had happened for just a moment, not my luck.

I could never explain this to the therapist, I could never explain this to anyone in fact, as if I did, they would never believe that it justified what I’ve done, even if the main purpose was to create the perfect stairway made out of stepping stones so that the Ultimates could walk towards True Hope. I could blow up the entire school in order for them to become closer to it, to diminish their Despair, but they still wouldn’t understand. Hope, even though they don’t believe so, is the most important thing in world next to Luck! It’s the only thing I have to turn to and it’s the only thing that will turn out right in the end! In the darkest of times, through the greatest Despair, Hope will always shine through, beckoning those to come forth and push through till the end!

At least, that’s what I’ve experienced. You may not know it from just looking at me, but I’ve been through some pretty Despair-inducing times. I recall one time when I was flying to San Cristobal with my parents on vacation, a hijacker took control of the plane my family was on and used my head as a source of threat. You should’ve saw me at the time; I was a pathetic mess! I was sobbing uncontrollably, drool and snot were running down my face, it was definitely a sight to see and anyone who knew me at the time expected that of me! It was selfish to bring all of the attention to me when their were people more worthy on that plane to have that attention, such as the Ultimate Adventurer! So I had made sure to stay monotone the next time I was held hostage.

Anyways, while I was having my meltdown, just my luck! A meteor the size of a baseball came hurtling down into the hijacker’s skull! Bad luck didn’t spare me that day though as my parents were too close to the hijacker from trying to bribe him to set me free and were instead struck by the meteor as well! So once he collapsed onto the floor, I ran back to my seat and strapped in my seat belt as the plane started losing turbulence. I cried the whole time. The plane crashed but I was the only one who survived! It took awhile for a rescue team to find the crash but once the did, they found me and took me to the nearest hospital. Once there, my luck had struck again! I was able inherit all of my parent’s fortune and gained independence! At that time though, I was unaware of my own luck cycle and the importance of Hope but when I was kidnapped during middle school by serial killer, I started to find out about it!

How you may ask? Well, when I was stuffed into a trash bag and thrown in the dumpster, I found a winning lottery ticket for three million yen! At that moment, I realized that these events that kept happening to me didn’t seem coincidental, but rather, it seemed as if it was happening on purpose. Just my luck! A cycle of Luck to be more precise, but it was from that day on that I knew that with all of the good things I kept receiving, I would to have Bad Luck later on in return. Think of it as the Law of Exchange.

Even to this day, I still don’t fully understand it. I always think, am I really Lucky? In those situations, it wouldn’t seem like that, but in the end, it always works out my way because of my so called “blind faith” towards Luck. I don’t really agree with that statement of “blind faith” as I already know it exists! I’ve already witnessed it’s effects on the world and on myself! So by saying that I have “blind faith” towards my luck cycle, it’s like saying that I don’t understand who I am at all! I’m lowly, worthless trash that deserves to be trampled on under the name of Hope. Even the universe realizes that because if it didn’t, I wouldn’t have so much Bad Luck whenever I felt happiness! I realized long ago that scum like myself doesn’t deserve happiness and therefore I don’t expect it, which makes it even more of a surprise when I have my Lucky moments! I mean, I wouldn’t have so many people call me so if it wasn’t true!

“You’re insane! Go die! Trash like you doesn’t deserve to be here! Trash is worthless to have around! Throw yourself away dirt bag!” My classmates would say through the years.

“You’re a disgrace! An eyesore! I wish I never even had a despicable child such as yourself!” My parents would shout as they would mumble to themselves how much they would’ve rather had a girl.

“You’re disgusting! Don’t let your snot get all over my sleeves! I’m not some kind of tissue you can wipe your nose on! The only piece of garbage here would be you! You’re life is so easy to take out that it’s just like trash, one use and your done!” The hijacker screamed at me as he increased the pressure of the gun pressed against my head.

“Come on, cry a little more, show some fear you damned brat! Shouldn’t little piss ants like you be a sobbing mess by now?! Huh? You want to die? Tch-you’re useless! How will I receive ransom money if you won’t even squeal! Act like you want help at least! You know what? Fine! Have it your way! I know exactly where to put you! There we go! You look more fitting in here, just like as if you belong in there! Nothing but trash. Useless things such as yourself should never be able to crawl back out of there as you don’t need to be stinking up the place, hoping that you can be useful to someone else. Do yourself and the world a favor and stay in there for the rest of your life.“

Once something is used and worn down, it can’t fulfill the purpose it was created for and therefore becomes trash. If it was never useful in the first place or what anyone wanted, they become trash anyways and become undesirable. That’s what I am. Trash. Useless and unusable. So in a way, I want to be useful, I want someone to use me in order to achieve Hope but how can I be useful when I’m always undesirable anyway? Therefore, I’m garbage. Nothing but trash.

As soon as I realized this, I’ve learned my place; I’ve learned that I don’t deserve to be around anyone, especially the Ultimates because really, who would want something that would stink up the place hanging around them? That’s why, when they tell me “You’re not trash”, I know it isn’t true.

There are some worse beings in the world that don’t even have the worth of being called garbage. They’re called the Reserve Course Students. The Ultimates are capable of using their talents in order to achieve their own Hopes, which makes them splendid candidates to see Ultimate Hope. Even I can qualify for this, as I can use my talent as a stepping stone for others towards gaining Ultimate Hope.

But Reserve course students have nothing. No talent, no lifestyle, nothing except for their parents large bank accounts. Even though I also have more money than most as well, I can’t ever compare myself to those useless pieces of trash. They cling onto false Hope, believing that one day they would be able to witness Ultimate Hope but once someone challenges that false Hope, they’ll defend it no matter what for their own gain. They’ll cling onto those who are worthy of such Hope, hoping that they’ll get a free ride towards True Hope but that’ll never happen. Normal people are selfish, ugly creatures that would manipulate anyone to achieve their own desires, even if it hurt those around them, even if it killed those around them.

For example, if I told you that if you shot the person right next to you, I would give you ten million dollars, would you do it? Of course, right now you’re thinking “I would never do that in my life!” or “That’s just wrong!” which to me are such predictable answers, something that only boring, worthless people would think but I know, that even for just a second, you probably thought “I could do that” before your morals started to kick in. But if you were presented that in real life, if you had a gun in your hand and person right in front of you, with the promise of never being tracked for doing it, would you do it? Most of you no doubt would because it would be fueling your own selfish desires. If it was a stranger, I know that you would shoot them right away but if it was someone your close to, you would hesitate but…

You would still do it.

That’s the thing about normal people. They’ll do what they can to get what they want and the stronger the desire, the more willing they’re able to do what they’re told. I mean, I have my own selfish desires too, such as attempting to see Ultimate Hope and to be profitable to someone, but I at the very least know when to recede. I know where my social stature is, so therefore, if an Ultimate has a goal that they desire to achieve that will bring them closer to Hope, then I know to concentrate on whatever it takes to achieve their Hope filled goal and not mine own. If one of my goals gets acquired along the way while helping someone else, then I would be content for the rest of my life as I would’ve experienced True Hope. But if that one person’s goal is not over yet, then I would quickly go back to aiding them.

Ordinary people don’t do that and that’s why I despise them this much. If they only saw what I saw and learned their place, I think that this school-No-The world would be a far better place! Every one of us working hand to hand to obtain the same difference would completely erase Despair as there would be no more bickering about who’s Hopes are better and we could all witness the Ultimates achieve Ultimate Hope, the one and only true Hope that conquers all others! That’s what I believe but if I were bound to tell somebody else about this, they would think I’m insane but truly I’m not!

Besides, people always anticipate True Hope every single moment! No more war, no more poverty, no more despair; isn’t that what True Hope is? To lack more despair plaguing the Earth? If that’s so, if people just free oneself of his or her selfish desires, being as they are the factors that cause Despair, and if they learn their place in the world, then this Hope everyone has would become reality! It’s certain that normal people, including myself, don’t deserve something so wonderful but those who’ve struggled to become Ultimates or came into being with those talents are entitled to see True Hope being born. That’s what I support. Don’t get me wrong, normal people just as the Reserve Course Students matter as they do serve as stepping stones but have you ever noticed the people who have more power, more talent such as the Ultimates, have a larger voice in society than you? You see it constantly with celebrities and politicians, as people follow every word they say as blind sheep, but why isn’t it that normal people’s voices can’t ring out?

It’s because they have absolutely nothing at all special. They don’t have any power or anything that can pull them up the scale to be heard. If you don’t believe me, then how come whenever there’s a protest, why is it that not one listens to what they plea, although there are a million people there, until one famed figure determines that they agree to their notion and everything all of sudden gains importance? It’s because they have power. If normal people would hammer away and find their talents to draw close to the elite, then I would give them my respect as they would be far better than me. And that’s also why I don’t consider my talent an actual talent. I didn’t need to have any skills to have this ability, I didn’t struggle to obtain it or go to any lengths, it was just handed to me. It was just luck. And that’s why I consider myself unworthy to be called an Ultimate as I’m the same as a normal person, just more lucky and more aware of my situation. I don’t belong with Ultimates but I also don’t belong to the normal people as I still at the very least HAVE something that the majority of people don’t and so I’m utterly useless. Therefore I’m trash.

But do you get my point? Those who don’t have talent but strive for Hope and work eagerly to become an Ultimate have my full respect, but people who are just a waste a space by doing nothing but to feed their own selfish desires and not making an effort to help the Ultimates achieve Hope are even more worthless than myself and deserve to be called stepping stones. I just long to help those who are testing so hard to fight Despair and bring them Hope…

To be honest, I really just have an urge to talk to someone about my beliefs, but because I’m so different, because I’m so useless, not a single person would ever try to talk to me. I’m too dangerous to be around anyway; they would be stuck in my luck cycle with me and who knows! Maybe they might die a terrible death the following day because I would be so blissful! Besides, Hope as wild as that could never become a reality for me as like I’ve said before, so many people throughout my life have implemented where my position stands, therefore I can never accomplish something so outlandish such…as a….friend….

I would never say such a thing aloud as it’s not my place to say those things; I didn’t even tell my therapist what my thoughts were….until now. To be honest, I never believed that I would tell anyone so much before until you came around. To think, that my biggest Hope would be that someone would manage that to love me for me and be my by side as while my brain slowly deteriorates into nothingness…I never thought it would be you Y/N….

I smiled melancholically. Huh? Something warm wrapped around my waist which surprised me until I realized it was you. You’re always here for me you say? Hah, but trash like me doesn’t deserve something as wonderful as that. Being so close to someone like me revolts you, right? You’re thinking why does this waste of space keep talking, right? Isn’t it terrible that to think that such a lowly person will cling onto you and stink up your life now and forever? Doesn’t it scare you that you might die at anytime now or that I might kill anyone if it meant that the Ultimates could come closer to achieving Ultimate Hope? Don’t you think there’s someone who deserves you much more than-

Huh?

You don’t care you say? You want to be alongside me at all costs? BUT WHY?! Why are you so interested in a piece of trash just as myself that’s so broken nonpareil when there’s such amount of others worthy to look after such a precious treasure such as yourself?! You’ll surely break if you stay beside me! Don’t you know who you’re dealing with!? I’ll- Huh? You…love me….? You…don’t wish for me to be alone anymore? You think everyone deserves someone? Y/N…are you sure about this? You’re…aware of what… you’re saying right? What those words mean to me…? If you go on saying things like that….I might never be capable of leaving you…Will you be satisfied with associating yourself with me? Are you aware that your life is at stake around me…? …. The feeling around my waist got tighter as I feel your head bob against my chest. I saw your e/c eyes pierce mine own.

You…do?

Something wet trickles down my cheeks and soon lands onto your beautiful face. That tugging feeling that forms around the corners of my mouth every so often doesn’t feel so forced anymore. Ultimately, I’m surprised by these sensations in the beginning, but it’s the first that these actions feel so genuine. This is what you are making me feel Y/N.

Y/N…I’m so happy right now that I wouldn’t be surprised if the world ended this very moment! Trash like me… like ME of all people being capable of saying such a thing, that you love me is so riveting! This must truly be Hope working at its finest!

You looked concerned at my mini speech but that soon faded away into the broad smile that I loved uncontrollably.

“Nagito…You’re not trash, you’re the most important person to me and to what some people call trash can also be a treasured jewel to another, even when it’s beaten and worn down. Have you ever heard about what happens when a vase or a piece of china becomes ruined? In other countries, people would dispose of that item as they see no use for it anymore, calling it trash. But in this country…they cover the cracks in gold, putting it together again and do you know what they call it now?”

….

“They say, it’s even more beautiful than ever before. Those cracks, those once scattered pieces that other people imagined to be useless, became all the more beautiful, even more so than before. Nothing ever stays perfect but the faults can make that person ever more beautiful than before.”

…

I stood there, speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Where I would’ve countered their argument in any other situation, this one…this one I couldn’t think of anything…For once in my life, albeit it remained for a moment, I fully believed that I was not the waste that everyone else believed…

But that I was and am the beautifully broken vase that is loved by someone forever and always, until the day we both would crumble into dust.

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Sorry for the really long post but I hoped you enjoyed it! Hopefully I can be more active from here on out but I’m having trouble thinking of content right now so please be patient with me~! T^T Maybe I’ll do one of those Imagines posts so if you have anyone in mind, don’t be afraid to ask me! I’ll do Magi and I’ll do Danganronpa so we’ll have a little variety up in here! Thank you againfor reading and making it all the way down here!

Tori-chan~

[mock-ing-bird]

In Defence of Sean Renard

As #Grimm draws to a close (Far TOO SOON), and it looks very like Season 6 is going to be Nick finishing off his ultimate enemy, Sean Renard; and resolving some unresolved questions to tie it all up in a neat and satisfying ending.

 There is a lot I need to know.

 At this point, I have to say that the ins and outs (rights and wrongs) of the stick that Nick found in Season 5 (keys and all that jazz) interest me a great deal less than getting the answers to some questions that have been burning a hole in my curiosity since Season 2 (or thereabouts).

Renard has done some very bad things, that cannot be denied, but somehow I have identified more closely with him, than Nick, from the beginning. It’s not that I don’t like Nick, it’s just that sometimes he makes me want to slap him hard.

  Nick is the White Knight, the hero that we are supposed to cheer for on his quest to handle a legacy that he never asked for and didn’t really want. In the main, he handles it with grace and determination except when it comes to Renard. For instance, once he knew what Renard was, when did Nick ever think about trying to lure Renard to his side and keep him there. Answer to this, never, really.

Renard always seems like an abused child/animal to me. He gets his strikes in first before anyone can strike at him. It’s an instinctive protective reaction to his past. And what a past! We don’t know much of anything really, it’s fairly sketchy, but we do know that Renard was yanked out of French Literature class (fancy boarding school methinks) by his mother, aged 13, to go on the run for his life. On the run from his father’s wife. We don’t even need to extrapolate that his legitimate half brother would like to kill him, that’s pretty much a given. Therefore you can bet money that his earlier childhood, close to his father’s circle of influence was probably not exactly a barrel of laughs either.

What do we know exactly? Renard is half Royal, an illegitimate son, he’s also half Zauberbiest. This doesn’t mean that much, he has a sort of half and half woge, he has no powers per se, (unless a sexy growl and enhanced strength can be seen as powers), he is, at best, a hybrid, with a foot in each world but really belonging in neither.

Side Note: We are told that King Frederick (Sean’s father) ‘loves’ his sons. There is exactly ZERO evidence of this. Oft repetition of something does not actually make it so.

So. Hand-wavy stuff. Sean Renard arrives in Portland (somehow), joins the Police Force, rises to be Captain. Living in Portland gives him a home, a degree of safety, stability, and as a Police Captain he has a measure of power and authority. Things that a life on the run, never knowing when one of his father’s assassins are going to catch up with him and his mother and kill them, has never given Sean.

So after years of just surviving, he has a home, a degree of safety and stability and some real comfort. Wouldn’t you, in this situation, fight tooth and claw to keep it? Since tooth and claw are all that Sean has known over most of his childhood and into adulthood, his actions are bound to be magnified by his life experience.

From the start of Nick’s knowledge about what Sean is, he has held the Captain at arm’s length. I do get why, I really do, but a truly smart leader would know that alliance is the best way forward. You build alliances to protect yourself and gather resources that will help you going forward. Sometimes those alliances have to come with a big measure of forgiveness and a line drawn under past events.

Would Sean Renard have been a tricky prospect? Sure he would. He’s part Royal, he wants power and authority. This is clearly an offshoot of his need for stability and safety, (after all power and influence provides a lot of security). However, a simple risk/reward analysis would also tell you that long term, alliance makes a whole heap of sense. Sean has protected Nick on a number of occasions, while these have dovetailed with his own interests, they still came at considerable personal risk. Sometimes, Renard’s actions to protect Nick have actually run counter to his own best interests. Had he taken the key, given it to his family, he would have been at less risk than handing the key back to Nick did for him.

Put crudely: If you acquire a puppy, don’t bother to house break it, feed it only scraps, chuck it out of the house when you have friends round, don’t then be surprised when it attacks your friends and trashes your house. It doesn’t know any better. That’s all on you. Okay, so Sean is less cute little Shih Tzu, more lone grey Wolf, but the principle’s the same.

Juliette and the Sleeping Beauty Curse (courtesy of Adalind). Renard gets a potion from Adalind’s mother, Catherine, drinks it to purify his soul so that he can wake Juliette. Renard drinks it (seriously, kudos, that stuff looked like one of my mother’s attempts at tapioca pudding… my stomach curled up in sympathy), he then goes through agony, or are we supposed to take away from that whole scene that staggering around your apartment, tearing your clothes off like your skin is burning you alive, struggling to breathe is perfectly normal and doesn’t hurt a bit. Because that was not what I took away.

HUGE UNANSWERED QUESTION: If Renard’s soul was purified for him to wake Juliette, was his more co-operative behaviour in Seasons 2 and 3 because his soul was purified, or was that just random?

Renard dies trying to save Nick from the effects of another curse (Adalind again). Yes, there was a convergence of circumstances that led to Renard being shot, but you cannot get away from the fact that he was trying to save Nick from another curse.

He dies. He is brought back to life by his mother (this is a one way ticket, if he dies again, he stays dead). But something comes back with him. As the evil grows stronger, it’s pretty clear that Renard is terrified…

HUGE UNANSWERED QUESTION: What effect did the presence of Jack have on Sean’s hitherto purified soul? (Without the answer to the other question it’s hard to say).

After everything that has happened, Nick is still holding Sean as far away as possible. I see Sean’s actions in Season 5 being less an embodiment of evil, and more an act of desperation. He’s not exactly been smothered with love or shown that he’s valuable to Nick (and yes, the knife cuts both ways), so him cutting his losses (kinda need the answer to the Jack question here to make a proper evaluation), given everything that has happened to him both through the story and what little back story we have on him, nasty as it is, it makes perfect sense. He’s frightened, vulnerable. He thinks he needs to get back to being the aloof man he was before Nick and Grimm-ness. He has powerful cause to regret helping Nick, and he’s never been taught any different. All Nick has ever done is shove Renard away unless he’s needed him for something. Even Rachel, appeared to offer him love that wasn’t for dynastic reasons… why wouldn’t Renard fall for that? Someone who apparently wants him for himself. It was a crock, but a frightened, vulnerable man, being offered everything he thinks he’s always wanted, and a chance to hide himself away again (the kinder, gentler Sean made him more vulnerable, and for what??) of course he’s going to take what he thinks he wants.

If that comes from punishing the one person who he sees as being the cause of all of his vulnerability for no personal gain (did he actually gain anything by protecting Nick, not really. He died, remember). But even after that, he’s still trying, and still nothing. Well, me, I would have chucked up the non-existent benefits of helping someone who doesn’t care about me, my help or my well-being for the chance at real stability in a heartbeat, believe me. And I don’t have anything like Sean’s excuse.

  Nick’s anger is understandable, but the fact that Nick is playing happy families with Adalind, and has a son with her, (don’t even get me started on how that happened), just infuriates me. Sean is Diana’s father. So yeah, Sean has come between Nick and Adalind and Nick’s son, but equally, Nick has come between Sean and his daughter. You cannot just airbrush Sean out of his daughter’s life. Boy, do they want to though.

Diana is clearly damaged. I feel as though Sean’s actions through the whole debacle of sending Diana away with Kelly Burkhardt were about giving her a life that Sean never had. It did not turn out that way, but since Sean has no reference points other than the knowledge that his paternal family are cruel and possibly actually insane, it was completely understandable. And Nick was involved too, yet somehow that whole circle was squared by having Nick and Adalind come together without any apparent additional consequences, and fall in love (yes, they make a cute, adorable couple, but my heart absolutely bleeds for Sean and Juliette/Eve).

[Hypocrisy 101: Reject girlfriend who saved your Grimmness and inadvertently became a Hexenbiest, for being a Hexenbiest. Fall in love with the Hexenbiest who raped you (hardly consensual sex if one of the parties to the sex is faking their identity), have son, and play happy families together (conveniently forgetting the whole “you find that attractive” moment when this Hexenbiest has her powers back, and the half-zauberbiest is standing there right in front of you)!! All the while hating the half-zauberbiest who has been (I grant you) a sneaky shit, but who has done his best to protect you from the second mentioned Hexenbiest’s attempt to destroy you.]

I don’t know what will happen in the end. Yes, Sean’s a sinner, but given everything that has happened, one way and another, he was already damaged long before the story starts, his association with Nick has had a negative impact on him personally. The man believes he is alone. He has acquaintances who use him, not friends. He’s never shown real love, or care or appreciation. He’s been through hell, several times, he has suffered and has never once had anyone show any concern for him.

Really, under those circumstances wouldn’t you choose the same?

However this pans out, I have always rooted for Sean Renard, and probably always will.

[survivingwriter-blog]

Letter #2 - August 30, 2016

I love getting to tell you about how much love your father and I have for each other. I will never downplay the love we have. I talk highly about your father, and you’d never know that there was a time that we weren’t together. It was not easy to do. I know it was my fault though. I chose to leave him. I wanted things to get easier on me. I was selfish. I was so furious with him. As much as he has changed since you passed, he still holds some of his charming qualities. I wish I could write in sarcasm, but that’s not possible.

He lied to me.

I know that’s not something I should be telling you, but he did. He lied about smoking. He swore on your life that he didn’t smoke. That was the most infuriating part. He swore on you, and he knew that he was lying. I could feel bile in my stomach, churning, as he confessed. I tried to forgive him. I did. We were going to be OK.

At least I thought we would.

The next couple days after our first fight were difficult. I lost my best friends because of it. My parents had sat me down and told me they’d never approve of your father. They thought I was just picking men and figuring out what I wanted. They thought I hated being alone. They were partially wrong. I did hate being alone, but that was not why I started seeing your father. After being sat down for an intervention, I had to work with my friends. The tension was intense. It felt as though an elephant was sitting on my heart. I found it hard to breathe. My eyes were stinging with tears. It got so hard that I ripped off a necklace that your father gave me and threw it in the trash. I sobbed as I did so.

Part of me just wanted to leave it there, and the other part of me said I was human and to do the right thing. I dug it out and threw it in my purse. I worked in silence along side my friends, until they cornered me and I wept. I promised that I was done with your father and if any harm came to him, it was my fault. I couldn’t stand over his casket and know it was my fault. That is exactly what I would’ve done. They hugged me tight and promised it wouldn’t be my fault. We cried together, and pulled together. I didn’t think it would be possible. I thought they were gone for good and I’d just have to move on alone. I’d lose your father and my friends.

They promised I wasn’t alone, and they’ll never know that I was crying for losing your father. I was never crying because I gained their love. I was crying over giving up the love of my life. I thought maybe I could fall in love again, but not with another man. The thought of letting another man try loving me like your father does still gives me chills. It’s a horrifying thought. It almost leaves a residue on my heart. It feels so wrong to even imagine what relationships I could’ve gotten into if I had left him and never looked back.

That day when I told your father I was leaving, he demanded that I give him back the rock he gave me when I first met him. I laughed. I laughed really hard about it, actually. He told me that you aren’t my son. You never would be mine. I told him I’d never stop protect you. You would always be mine, and he’d have to try a lot harder than that to take you from me. He fought me so hard. He didn’t want me to go. I knew I didn’t want to go either, but something told me that things weren’t going to get easier. I had already sat through my parents lecturing me on what your father was and how my life would play out. They smirked at my reasons for being with him. They didn’t care that there was an unbreakable attraction. All they cared about was the future that they didn’t see happening with him.

I was barely apart from your father and it was eating me alive. I was so sure if I saw him again that my heart would crack. I knew what I wanted, but I had to push him away. I thought it was the right thing. I was very wrong.

He was so broken that he was OK. He would get these thoughts out about how he wanted to make us work, and then he’d stop. It was almost like a moment of clarity. He’d breathe and just speak and it was almost a genuine calmness. It was bizarre. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Every rational word screamed for help. When he asked me to come see him to say goodbye, I hesitated. I didn’t hesitate because I was scared and broken. I was broken, but my hesitation was that he’d pull me right back in. I knew I’d never be able to leave him. He’d look me in the eyes and tell me he loves me. He’d look at my lips and look up, waiting for me to give in. Somewhere, some way, my eyes would scream for him to just make a move. He would. I’d be right back where I was on July 27th, when your father asked if he could kiss me. I’d be in a vortex of emotions, being pulled into an abyss I wasn’t ready for, but he’d be right there beside me, drowning in the same love.

I’m not sure why I wanted to tell you about the brief moment of insanity your mother showed, but I guess I thought it was important. It is important to know that as much as I love your father, we’re far from perfect. Our love is far from perfect. Even with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I couldn’t stay away though. He was everything I craved. He is everything I crave. He’s the one person I can call any time of the day and I’ll never get tired of it. I hate talking on the phone, but I’ll answer anytime your father calls. He is the one person who knows my passion for writing. He sees it in every letter I write to him, and he’ll see it in my letters to you. There are so many qualities I love about him, and I wonder if I would’ve seen them in you too.

I have a confession to make: your father has been having problems recently. When I say problems, I don’t mean the things he used to do. I only learned of it this morning. His heart wasn’t feeling right last night. I was completely unaware that he was having any issues. It still scares me that he hides things from me, especially something as big as this. He has a hole in his heart. He says it’s small, but there’s something in me that tells me that’s not the case. He is on three medications right now. His doctors want him to stay home from work for a little bit, and he’s not into the idea. I’ve never been so scared for him. I was scared when I left him, but this is a whole new concept.

I didn’t even lose you, and the thought of losing your dad feels like the thought of losing you. It destroys me. I find it hard to imagine my life without him. I find it hard to imagine not being able to text him good morning and goodnight. I find it hard to imagine not talking about you, and what you were like and what an amazing big brother you would be. I find it hard to imagine not getting kisses that last forever. I find it hard to prepare myself for something that may not happen soon, but it’s now a thought in my mind.

I don’t know what I’d do if you were here and you had to see him like I do. If he were to get sick and not take care of himself, I can’t imagine the pain you’d feel. I can’t imagine trying to tell you why your father isn’t strong. I can’t imagine trying to be strong for you. That’s the most selfish thing I could say as a mom, and I’m so sorry I said it. I really can’t imagine having to be strong. Your father tells me that I’m strong enough to deal with a lot more than most people. That’s why he trusts me with you. He knows I can protect you. I’ll always be capable of that, but I don’t think he knows how weak I really am. I’ve been broken so much, and losing him would only do more damage.

If you do anything, just look over him. He needs you more than he needs me. He trusts you more than me. I’d never tell you the reasons why I say that. It’s something I know in my gut. I’m just glad that he has you. We have you.

I love you so much. Keep him safe for me.