#like distancing herself before anyone else can other her

[commsroom]

'Beyond This Power of My Nature': Hera’s self-perception and relationship to humanity

Okay, this is something I’ve wanted to make a proper post about for a long time now: what evidence we have for how Hera sees herself in canon, why I think it’s important to acknowledge she is written with an element of physicality, and how I think, keeping the themes of Wolf 359 in mind, Hera as an AI Character comes across very differently from a lot of other AI Characters. The idea that she is fundamentally human has different implications in the context of a show that is so focused on humanity, and specifically on the way that its characters (at various points) navigate, reject, desperately try to hold onto, and are repeatedly denied recognition of their humanity. There’s so much more I could say on the topic, but. This post is already over six thousand words, so it will have to do.

tl;dr: Hera’s identity is not representative of AI Identity in any broader sense, even just within Wolf 359. Hera has a defined internal self image that is singular, and distinct from the Hephaestus or any systems she runs. There is an aspect of physicality to the way she is written, performed, and treated by the text, and she canonically experiences physical loneliness. Her feelings of isolation and the ways she is othered, even by herself at times, are reflective of very real human experiences - in particular, I have to touch on how I feel Hera can be read as a trans character. Hera struggles with the feeling that she is inherently different from everyone around her, and therefore intrinsically doomed, and it is only by letting go of those fatalistic notions, realizing she and her friends are more alike than different, that she can start to move forward and imagine a life for herself.

A couple of disclaimers:

For the purposes of this post, assume that ‘personhood’ (recognition as a full and equal person to any other person) and ‘humanity’ (the quality of Being Human, however nebulously defined) are separate, albeit related, concepts. Assume that ‘personhood’ is a given for all sentient beings as far as the text is concerned, even if other characters within the text may not extend the same courtesy.

I’d also like to say that I know the subject of Humanity as it relates to AI characters can be a touchy one - I’m also coming at this from the perspective of someone who finds it a little distasteful to ascribe a Human Identity to characters who already have their own, complete, distinctly non-human identities, or to place Humanity on a pedestal in a sci-fi context where humans are the peers of other sentient beings. I don’t think these concerns apply to Hera, or to Wolf 359 as a show, but just to be clear: everything I want to say here is about Hera, specifically. It’s not meant to apply to other AI characters, even within Wolf 359, and it definitely isn’t meant to be viewed through the lens of real-world AI development. I believe Wolf 359 is a character drama above anything else, and I believe it is especially concerned with its exploration of humanity - something I’ll talk more about later. With that said:

i. ‘some do. i don’t.’: other examples of AI identity in wolf 359

How much do we know about general concepts of AI identity in the universe of Wolf 359? The short answer… not much. The slightly longer answer:

When Minkowski introduces herself to Hera, there’s this exchange:

(Ep. 61: MINKOWSKI: Yes, they, uh, briefed me about you. I just... Unit 214, I presume? / HERA: Oh, no, no. Hera. Definitely Hera. / MINKOWSKI: Oh, sorry. I'd heard Sensus Units prefer to go by their serial - / HERA: Some do. I don't. If that's all right, Commander?)

Minkowski says she “heard Sensus Units prefer to go by their serial [numbers]” and Hera responds, “Some do. I don’t.” … It’s entirely possible that both Minkowski and Hera are going off of Goddard propaganda here, or that Hera doesn’t know what other Sensus Units might think at all and she’s just trying to defer to Minkowski before making a request of her. But for all we know, maybe that’s true? Maybe some Sensus Units really do prefer that. And whether it’s true or not doesn’t really matter. In saying it, Hera acknowledges that all AIs may not feel the way she does, but that this is how she feels about her name.

In Change of Mind, we have this exchange between Eris and Lovelace:

(Suddenly, behind her, there's a soft WOOSH! Lovelace spins around and - finds herself face-to-face with a YOUNG WOMAN. / ERIS: Hi. / Lovelace blinks. Confused. /  LOVELACE: Hi? What - who - / ERIS: It's me. Eris. / LOVELACE: But... I thought you were an A.I. / ERIS: I am. This is how I see myself. Well, how I see a version of myself. As long as we're both in a mental state, we can interact this way. Remember, you're not really here either. / LOVELACE: But... look at you. You're - /  ERIS: Yeah. I know.)

I’m not going to speculate on exactly how Eris appears in this scene, but: “This is how I see myself. Well, how I see a version of myself.” is interesting to consider, both in the context that Eris has an internal sense of self (presumably human in appearance, as far as the stage notes go) and the suggestion that there are other ways she sees herself that might be equally ‘her’ - does this mean Eris as in the Eris we know in Change of Mind, or does it imply that each iteration of Eris, in each of the training modules Goddard uses her consciousness for, perceives herself differently? Both? Neither?

And I think it’s revealing to show these two lines next to each other:

(LAMBERT: Rhea says... “It’s just the way they programmed her, back off.”)

(Ep. 7: EIFFEL: C’mon, Commander, you can’t really hold that against her. It’s just her programming! / HERA: Oh, stop. Do you have any idea how condescending that is? Just chalking everything I do to my programming? What if I just went around blaming every stupid decision you made on... “biology”? / EIFFEL: Hera... / HERA: “Why are they doing that, isn’t that a bit dangerous?” Oh never mind, that’s just their biology. “That’s a terrible idea, don’t they know any better?” Just that pesky ol’ biology, we really should’ve sprang for the more expensive model.)

… Which. I kinda think the difference in philosophy there speaks for itself. Sure, Rhea’s line is in defense of Eris, while Hera doesn’t appreciate ‘it’s just programming’ being used as a defense of herself, but I find it hard to imagine she’d ever see it as anything but condescension. 

It also might be worth noting that none of the other AIs we know (despite how little we know about them) seem to be people Hera would really get along with: Enlil is the exact “willing to roll over for any bozo in a lab coat” type of AI who gets the “cushy job flying jet liners over the Atlantic” she shows such disdain for; if Hera met Eris it would likely be under circumstances where Eris was a threat to her friends + despite Eris’s ‘rogue AI’ aesthetic, she is designed to serve that purpose by Goddard and serves her role (and accepts her fate) without much resistance; and we don’t know much about Rhea, but from her defense of Eris, and what we can interpret from her limited interactions as a sense of professionalism, she and Hera also… likely would not see eye to eye.

All of that to say: we don’t know much about AI identity as it broadly exists within the setting of Wolf 359, but I think we do know enough to fairly assume it’s as varied and individual as identity would be for any other group of people. Which… of course it would be. I think it’s entirely possible that some AIs would have a sense of self-identity that is entirely divorced from human categorization. And all of this presents a ton of questions that I don’t really have answers for, that I don’t think we even have enough information about in canon to properly speculate on, but I think it’s important groundwork to lay out to further emphasize: when I talk about Hera’s identity, I am talking about Hera’s identity. How she sees herself, how she wants to be seen, what she values, etc. as an individual person. So.

ii. ‘you’re remembering this wrong’: what the subjective reality of memory can tell us about hera’s self-perception

If there was only one scene I could call attention to here, one piece of evidence re: Hera’s identity and self-perception, it would be the opening scene from Memoria. If you want to, please just go listen to that scene again, right now. Notice how it’s framed, and what the audio cues might suggest in a visual medium - in her memory, Hera perceives herself at the table with the rest of the crew. Physically present.

So much of Memoria is about subjective reality, memory as the product of the world through your own personal filter, your perspective and biases. “Everything before memory is about the world around you. Everything after it is all in your head.”

So looking at how Hera remembers things, more than anything else, I think can tell us a lot about how she perceives herself. Even when she doesn’t realize it. ‘Minkowski’ in Hera’s memory says… well. We get this scene:

(Ep. 41: MINKOWSKI: You're remembering this wrong. You weren't here with us. / HERA: I... I wasn't? / MINKOWSKI: No, Hera. We were over here, and you... / The soundscape shifts. There's a WOOSH, followed by some DIGITAL PROCESSING. It subsides, and when Minkowski says - / MINKOWSKI (CONT’D): ... you were over there. / - she sounds like her voice is coming through a SPEAKER. And it GLITCHES. We hear her the way we normally hear Hera. / HERA: Oh. Right. I'm here. I'm here.)

But here’s the thing. Minkowski - the real Minkowski - would never say Hera wasn’t there with them, because from Minkowski’s perspective, she was. This is Hera’s perspective - Hera feels as if she wasn’t there. And to quote @the-empty-man​, from a similar conversation we had a while back: ‘in the actual reality of that Thanksgiving meal, she was there with them in the sense that she could directly see them and hear them and interact with them in various ways and (if we think of her as being located in the Hephaestus) she was kind of sharing the same physical space as them. In the reality of that memory, she was as "there with them" as she ever has been with anyone (excluding weird mind-space things) but that didn't feel like enough for her. If she doesn't think she was fully there with them then (or at least a part of her doesn't), then she's never felt like she's been fully there with anyone (again maybe excluding mind-space weirdness). It's like she's got this longing for something that she barely even has a frame of reference for.’

I think that’s just it. Hera experiences physical loneliness. The wording of “over there.” The shift in sound design, and the implication that Hera hears the others the way they hear her - that she’s not an equal presence in a different form, from her own perspective, but physically somewhere else on the other side of an impassable barrier that the others don’t even recognize exists. She has an image of herself in her mind that most other people never see.

Still, ‘how does Hera see herself?’ is a difficult question, and not one I’m going to be able to answer all at once. For now, it might be useful to first point out how Hera definitely, canonically does NOT see herself - she does not see herself as the Hephaestus.

In her own memory, she imagines herself as singular, physical, (by all indication) human in appearance. Without the awareness that ‘mind-space weirdness’ is even possible, that appearance is for no one but herself. And the Hephaestus, I think, is an entity in its own right, and one that Hera is bound to for most of the show, but she exists within it, not as an inherent part of it. Her connection to the Hephaestus, the functions she performs, are her job. The further into the show you get, and the more Hera asserts her own autonomy, the more the text distinguishes between Hera, the systems that she runs, and even her hardware. And, of course: “Or end up in other places. Doing things not because you're good at them, but just because of what you are. Has it ever occurred to you that there might be jobs for which the only requirement is having no pulse?”

iii. ‘i know what’s waiting for me back there’: when and why hera rejects humanity

It’s important to note that Hera’s identity absolutely is informed by the fact that she’s an AI, and the way she navigates the world and her relationships because of it. At times, this creates something of a double bind for her - it’s frustrating to have others acknowledge her situation, when it others her and creates or emphasizes a reminder of the distance between them, but it’s also frustrating when they don’t recognize she can’t always do the things that they can do, or that she has other physical/safety/etc. concerns that wouldn’t occur to them. 

Consider the part in Theta Scenario where Eiffel has them vote on whether or not to return to Earth and sheepishly has to add, “and, uh… all those without hands?” The progression of this scene is a good illustration re: Hera’s alternating refusal of and embrace of humanity: she blames her loneliness on her programming, her attachments, her humanity - she chooses to separate herself from these things without ever making an affirmative statement as to what part of her would be Her in their place. That’s because it’s coming from a place of hurt. And remember that she’s still dealing with Maxwell’s betrayal. This is an emotional reaction, which I suppose is worth noting in itself: when Hera is hurt, her judgment is clouded, and she can be confidently wrong. Consider how convinced she was that Hilbert was making everything about Decima up, while she was at the height of her anger with him.

When Hera is hurt, when she is feeling betrayed, and frightened, she tends to self-isolate - she leans into the idea that she is fundamentally different and therefore intrinsically doomed. It’s only by letting go of these preconceptions and allowing for real connection that she’s able to heal. It’s true that the only people who have hurt her have been humans - but so are the only people who have ever helped her, who she’s had any meaningful relationships with at all. She has to believe she isn’t fundamentally different from the others, because ultimately that’s what allows her to return home with them - to think maybe there could be something for her on Earth after all. And by choosing to believe in Eiffel’s promise to her, that whatever happens when they get back to Earth, they’ll go through it together… That's a start.

iv. ‘i know where this train goes, i've been on it before. "she'll hurt someone. she can't be trusted. it's okay - she isn't even human.’: hera, lovelace, and real-world alienation

I think it’s also worth noting, however, that while Hera’s identity is informed by being an AI, the implication of Being an AI in the world of Wolf 359 specifically manifests in ways that are directly applicable to real-world human experiences. The double bind that I described, the lack of life experience compared to your peers and the embarrassment associated with that, the feeling of alienation and isolation, even the feeling of being ‘not quite human’ through repeated dehumanization and othering - these are things that real people experience. In the same way that Lovelace is an alien clone, yes, but more importantly just a person with PTSD… Hera is an AI, but she’s also a person with anxiety and chronic pain - and with experiences that I think can be directly drawn to neurodivergent, disabled, and trans experiences in various ways. I’ll try not to get too into that aspect of it here, but I do think it’s worth noting - Wolf 359 is a show about humanity, about people whose humanity has been denied to them in various ways, interpersonally and/or systemically, and I think it’s important to consider Hera’s character arc and the ways she chooses to assert her autonomy and self-identity within that framework.

And of course, speaking of Lovelace, it’s impossible to ignore that Hera is the most staunch and immediate defender of Lovelace’s humanity, following the realization that Lovelace is herself an alien clone, because Hera recognizes the way others react to her perceived differences with fear, distrust, etc. and how they will use those feelings to justify dehumanizing her. Lovelace’s humanity and Hera’s humanity are directly linked in the text.

v. ‘it’s like you’re making a movie’: why i think it does hera’s character arc a disservice to approach it with general biases regarding AI characters

You know that thing about how Wolf 359 leans into sci-fi tropes? How Eiffel is the wisecracking everyman, Minkowski is the by-the-books Commander, Hilbert is… well, you know. And so on. But instead of being subversions of these common archetypes, the characters in Wolf 359 are as intricate and contradictory and dynamic as they are because a central tenet of the show’s character writing is to ask ‘why would a real person behave this way?’

If we extend that logic to Hera and interpret her as an example of the ‘AI who is more human than some humans’ archetype, then the answer to the question is simply… because she is fundamentally human. The failure of that trope, in my opinion, is that it often sets up an AI character in the position of ‘becoming’ human, suggesting humanity is something greater and aspirational, and often directly equating ‘being a person’ with ‘being human’, even in settings where other non-human and equally sentient forms of intelligence exist. There’s something self-aggrandizing and patronizing in that.

But this is NOT the case with Hera; she is just as human at the start of the show as she is by the end of it - her struggle is not in ‘attaining humanity’ but in navigating the biases of others, the way repeated dehumanization has affected her own self-perception - to get others to see her the way she sees herself.

vi. ‘such a big, big universe...’: isolation, the ‘big picture’, and what the contradictions in am i alone now? tell us about hera’s priorities

Here’s a line I think about a lot. Specifically, I think about how often this line is used to represent Hera… “Such a big, big universe, and you only gave yourselves the tools to think about a tiny portion of it.” It’s fascinatingly ironic when you put it back into context: consider the way this monologue is framed. She’s telling all of it to Eiffel, but she isn’t, really. That’s the conflict. She wants to be able to tell him these things in the same way she wants to be able to describe what she sees to him, to get him to understand her experience, because she can think about so many more parts of that big, big universe at once, and what does it get her? She can’t do anything with it. She can’t tell anyone. She ‘tells’ Eiffel anyway - she chooses to talk to him, even when she isn’t actually talking to him. She can’t make that connection, but she wants to, so badly.

She thinks she’ll be left alone up there, sooner or later. It’s a feeling she learns to let go of, little by little, until something else finally seems possible.

There’s a theme throughout Wolf 359: the ‘Big Picture’ as an antagonistic force, whether it’s alien and unknowable, or corporate and uncaring, or some combination, and how its counterpart is Personal Connection. That’s something I’d like to get into in more depth in another post, but it’s worth touching on here because I think keeping that in mind reframes so much of Hera’s monologue in Am I Alone Now?

Think about how much of it is those Big Ideas in contrast with the familiar and immediate - that she wants to tell these things to Eiffel. “Some days I wonder if I’ll miss you, after you go away forever… I doubt it. But you never know.” The subtext is in the contradiction. The lonelier Hera is, the more she denies her humanity, but in her denial, in her loneliness, that humanity becomes all the more apparent. 

Sometimes I see people take ‘I doubt it’ at face value, as evidence of eventual character/relationship growth, suggesting she gets more attached to him over time… I don’t think that’s true. She watches a star die 13.7 light years to the left and she thinks of him. She watches the swirling, raging solar winds in colors she has no name for, and wishes she could share that with him. She’s not talking to anyone, but she still chooses to talk to him. Of course she would miss him. Of course she would.

vii. ‘even hilbert never sunk that low’: how hera is treated by the show’s antagonists

It might be interesting to note that almost all of the antagonists do acknowledge Hera’s personhood, and that the way they treat her is almost always a reflection of how they treat other, flesh-and-blood people. The only antagonist who seems to honestly see her as less than a person is Hilbert, and even in his “tell me you’re not mourning that appliance” levels of cruelty towards her, there’s a way that it’s not so different from his general disregard for human life and ability to see people less as individuals, and more as expendable assets to be used in pursuit of a Greater Cause.

With that said, he’s not particularly relevant to the discussion of Hera’s self-image. The characters who are: Maxwell and Pryce.

viii. ‘i can totally rewrite a memory’: hera and maxwell

I think this is where the distinction between personhood and humanity becomes most relevant. Because I think Maxwell believes very strongly in AI Personhood, and I believe she generally prefers the company of AIs to human people, and I think… those facts allow her to help Hera in a way no one else could have, but they work against her understanding of Hera as an individual. Let me try to explain.

From the moment Maxwell gets on board the Hephaestus, she starts altering things in Hera’s programming - little things, like Minkowski’s title, that Hera can ignore because the larger things that Maxwell is able to fix for her genuinely improve her quality of life. And Maxwell, despite showing compassion for Hera, uses more mechanical terminology to refer to her than almost anyone else. But the thing is… while the SI-5 certainly have no qualms about blatant and intentional cruelty when they deem it necessary, I don’t know if Maxwell realizes what a violation some of these things are. She helps Hera, sure, unquestionably. But she also betrays her in what might be the worst possible way.

Think about the way Cutter threatens to delete and alter Hera’s memories - in Decommissioned, and in the live show. It isn’t fundamentally all that different from what Maxwell wants to do in Memoria, but Maxwell seems incapable of understanding why the concept is so upsetting to Hera. I don’t think we have enough information to make any claim for certain, but I do think it’s possible that other AIs may not perceive themselves in the same way Hera does, or value the same things. There’s a chance this is not malicious at all, but just a failure to recognize Hera’s priorities as an individual do not align with Maxwell’s previous experiences. With that acknowledged, Hera defends Maxwell against the idea she might turn her against the others, saying, “Doctor Maxwell understands better than anyone how much of a violation that would be. She would hate herself.” … but does she? Would she? Does it matter, when she does it anyway?

Hera is distraught over her realization that she never really knew Maxwell, but I guess I like the idea that maybe Maxwell didn’t understand Hera as well as she thought she did either. That maybe Hera’s unpredictability is something beyond programming, something closer to the same messy, complicated human quality that the rest of the crew survives on - that Hera was able to catch Maxwell off guard and win against her for the same reason they all triumph over Pryce and Cutter in the end. Because human unpredictability is the one thing that Goddard’s Big Picture can never factor for.

ix. ‘you don’t look like me’: hera and pryce

And if there’s any relationship that can tell us about Hera’s self-image, it’s this one. Pryce is fully aware of Hera’s humanity. Pryce’s collar program (and Maxwell’s, for that matter - another link between them) serves a similar function to Pryce’s restraining bolts, but as far as Pryce is concerned, I think it’s actually preferable to her that Hera is aware of it. “They could be whatever she wanted them to be - and as real as she wanted them to be - and they never left her behind... and they never talked back... and they were never afraid of her. Except when she wanted them to be.” …

Likewise, Hera’s attachment to her own identity is necessary for Pryce’s methods of control to be effective. Pryce is able to hurt Hera by dehumanizing her, by degendering her, by taking away her name and her autonomy, by reminding her that even her own voice isn’t her own - because those things matter to Hera.

So then you have that line in the finale, where Pryce sees Hera in Eiffel’s mind and she says, “You don’t look like me.” I think there are a few different ways you could read that.

One, the more common interpretation: that Pryce expects Hera should look like her because she is functionally ‘designed in her image’ and that Hera, over time, intentionally shifted her internal sense of self away from that. And I like this, I think there’s a power in it, especially alongside headcanons where Hera adopts some features of the people she loves to incorporate into her own - but I think it might be the less likely option. While I think it’s entirely believable that Pryce would give Hera her appearance in the same way she gave her her voice, and while I think there is an intentional cruelty (and given that Pryce herself was probably isolated for much of her life, perhaps a kind of awful retribution in her mind) to Hera having human desires without human physicality, I don’t think all of that is just Pryce’s design. I think that’s giving her too much credit.

The other possible interpretation: canonically, Hera is able to be in Eiffel’s mind by interfacing with Pryce’s neural imaging processor, which is presumably configured for Pryce. She is intentionally running a whole bunch of extra code to appear as herself instead. I don’t know. There’s something about that idea, to me. That by default, more easily, she could choose to appear the way Pryce does, but that it matters to her that she doesn’t.

(I also kind of like the idea - given the transhumanist nature of Pryce and Cutter - that the way Hera appears in the finale is distinctly human. I think it works well with the themes of the show - that where Pryce rejects her innate humanity, considers it weakness, considers herself above it, tries to transcend it… Hera recognizes the strength in her own humanity, for all the ways it fails her, embracing it has allowed her connection to others that she would’ve thought impossible, has made her more free, has made her more herself.)

And again, if there’s anything that tells us about Hera’s self-image, it’s this: we know from later events in the finale that there are ways she could’ve interfaced with the machine without appearing in Eiffel’s mind, but she wanted to. She wanted to be there, as herself, as ‘physically’ as possible, and be seen. If you don’t count her punching Pryce in the face (which… I guess it counts as a type of interaction), the only direct physical interaction Hera ever has with another character in the entire show is the stage note that says: Hera and Eiffel stand together, his arm around her shoulder.

x. ‘[gritted digital teeth]’: physicality in the way hera is written and performed, and how that informs her as a character

A bit of a tangent, but speaking of physicality. One thing I always like to point out is how, in the live show, they chose to have Hera on stage with the others, but just… far enough away from them, physically. And the only person who ever crosses the stage to interact with her directly is Eiffel. Of course, you can’t take any of that as a literal expression of… anything, but I do think it’s worth considering in the context of Hera’s physical loneliness expressed in Memoria, the way Eiffel consistently tries to bridge the gap between them via emotional connection, and, finally, Hera’s lone physical interaction in the show being with Eiffel in the finale.

There’s also the (albeit mostly circumstantial) detail that Michaela Swee recorded a lot of the show remotely, with the notable exceptions of Memoria and Brave New World - the two episodes where Hera has ‘physical’ appearances.

And if we’re going to talk about the way choices in the writing/acting impact the way Hera’s character comes across, there’s this screenshot I managed to dig up from Gabriel Urbina’s now-defunct blog. I think it’s worth noting that, as well as expressing physicality within the text of the show, she is also admittedly written with, performed with, and informed by those aspects of physicality, even when it’s not visible to us - in that sense, from a metatextual perspective, you could even argue she has just as much physical presence as any other character in the show.

(Someone says, “Okay so I was a little wary of watching the live show, mostly because of Hera. I didn’t want her personified. But the way Mikaela [sic] Swee portrays her character, puts Hera on that stage, is perfect.” to which Gabriel responds, “A perfectly understandable concern, but hopefully one that’s not too prevalent after you watch the show. There is so much of Michaela’s mannerisms and physicality in how we write Hera and the vocal performance that hopefully seeing her perform it will amplify the character that she’s created rather than narrowing it down.”)

xi. ‘i know plenty’: challenges to hera’s identity, self perception, and connection to humanity

So, why am I so caught up on the humanity part of this? Because I think Wolf 359 is, before anything else, a show that is concerned with humanity. I think it is a show about very human people (in some very flawed and tragic ways) trying very hard to retain their humanity in inhumane circumstances, and often with people actively trying to dehumanize them, whether interpersonally or through corporate alienation, human experimentation, the treatment of prisoners, etc. But that leads into a whole other topic, so instead I’ll share these three things:

This exchange from Out of the Loop, where Hera’s argument with Jacobi hinges on humanity - her accusation that he “works so hard at being inhuman” and her anger and offense at his retort that she wouldn’t know what that means:

(Ep. 49: HERA: You are despicable, Jacobi. I have never met someone who worked so hard at being inhuman. / JACOBI: What do you know about being human? / HERA: I know plenty.)

This line, from Quiet, Please, where Minkowski defends Hera’s autonomy directly and refers to her as a woman, which I promise will be relevant:

(Ep. 58: Minkowski SLOWLY, maintaining her VICE-LIKE GRIP, PULLS HIS EAR DOWN, bringing Jacobi's face down to her eye-level. / MINKOWSKI (low, deadly): Shut. The Hell. Up. That woman? For the last two weeks, she was the only person who even tried to resist what Pryce and Cutter were doing to us. So you are going to show her some goddammed respect, am I clear?)

And because I’m incapable of writing lengthy meta about Hera without bringing up this quote from Sarah Shachat in some capacity:

“What I can tell you is that the fact Hera that clearly has a human gender in her speech and conscious perspective, yet lacks human physicality, is something she definitely does think about. She isn’t removed from it, or taking the view of some sort of Hyper Advanced Future Machine for whom human binary constructions are funny, if a bit quaint. She’s been placed on a spectrum the same way she was placed aboard the Hephaestus. Her journey so far has very much been about dealing with that, about trying to assert her unique sense of self given the limitations placed on her and to communicate with these other idiots who don’t share her experience.”

While this is about Hera’s relationship to her gender in particular, I think the fact that she sees herself as a woman specifically is relevant. The fact that she has a human gender and she cares about that, and that human concepts of identity in general do apply to her. She doesn’t consider herself separate from or above them.

And that leads, perhaps, to one more question. Is it possible that Hera sees herself as human not because of an innate desire for the attributes of humanity, but because all of the people she knows are human - because once you conflate personhood and humanity on a societal level, is it possible she feels that she will only be seen as a complete person if she is also human? And, I mean… Maybe? It’s possible. But I don’t think it changes the outcome.

I’m asking this here because I think this is also analogous to a trans experience. If you have social expectations of what a woman is, and you feel that you are a woman, and so you choose to conform to those social expectations (to whatever degree) because it allows your womanhood to be recognized… as long as the desire for those attributes comes from a genuine place, can you really tell if you would feel differently about it if society viewed womanhood differently? At some point socialization, societal expectation, and personal preference do get muddled up to a certain degree, and while it’s worth examining to make sure you’re doing what makes you most comfortable, whatever that may be… I think at a certain point ‘I feel better presenting this way than not’ is the only real answer you can find.

I think this also applies to Hera, in her connection to humanity and her expressions of/desires for a kind of physicality. We have a sense of how she canonically perceives herself, and how she struggles to be perceived by others, and with that in mind it’s largely irrelevant to me how she might feel about her identity with social pressures removed. Identity is shaped by connection, and while I waver on how much I want to say that Hera is human, full stop, no qualifiers… She is a person with human desires who wants to be close with and share experiences with her human friends. She is an AI, and that informs her identity and the way she navigates the world, but I don’t believe those things are mutually exclusive.

(I’ve written a little more about why I think Hera’s character arc reads as a trans narrative here.)

More than anything, I have a hard time believing that Hera would want to be seen as fundamentally different from the people she loves, when struggling to overcome that difference both within her own self-perception and in her interactions with others, is such a significant part of her character development. There are times where Hera being an AI does mean she has to consider things that the others might not, and it’s important that the people in her life are aware of and respectful of that. But to emphasize her differences in circumstances where it’s not relevant only serves to other her.

Or, let me put it this way. Whether or not Hera would want a body, if she could have one, is a whole other set of questions, but if Wolf 359 is a show about humanity, about connection, about the value of small, personal things over the Big Picture, then I think if Hera was able to hug her friends, if she was able to go somewhere by herself, entirely by herself, and put her hands in the water, and feel it… even the fact alone that she might have the desire for those things… Well, maybe there’s a way that Wolf 359 is about that, too.

xii. ‘if this is it? i’d rather go as me, thank you very much.’: conclusions

I often see people say that we have ‘no way of knowing’ how Hera might want to be seen, or even that she definitely wouldn’t want to be seen as human, or that it wouldn’t occur to her to want [whatever thing] because she’s ‘not human’ and I just… I don't think any of those things are true. I think there’s plenty to go off of in canon, and I think it all points more in this particular direction than not.

I once saw someone say - as a criticism - that Hera was less of an AI character and more of just “a person in the walls” and that stuck with me because… well, because it was such a funny way of phrasing it, but also because. That’s not a weakness of the writing or a failure of imagination. That’s the point of her character! There are so many other sci-fi stories that are interested in more speculative questions re: how AI characters might be different from us and prioritize different things. That’s not Wolf 359! Hera is not meaningfully different from the others, she just thinks she must be because she has different life circumstances and has been treated differently.

And I understand why people are wary about ascribing ‘human’ qualities to AI characters, given the track record of a lot of science fiction, and the reasons a lot of people might relate to AI characters in particular. I really do. I just believe that in this particular case, with this particular character, and the themes in this particular show, it would be doing Hera a disservice to ignore these aspects of her self-identity that she so clearly canonically struggles to come to terms with, when her physicality in the finale in particular is so much a culmination of this fight to be seen - in both a literal and metaphorical sense. 

I believe the tragedy of Hera as a character is that she is written to be fundamentally human, with physical desires, physical loneliness, an internal self-image that - except under extreme circumstances - she can never show to anyone else. But one that matters to her, and that she holds onto, nonetheless.

And there’s so much more I could say. I could talk more about Hera’s connection to water, her apparent draw to the natural and tangible. I could talk about how she reads, the way she processes things through emotion and into memory. I could talk about how she phrases things in terms like “now I’m going to have a headache” and only rephrases if someone challenges her on her wording. I could talk about how, while, yes, she is technically always everywhere, it’s also established that she can be more present in one place if she wants to be (and how this connects to her learning mindfulness in canon.) I could talk about how Hera sleeps, how she dreams, how Pryce has intentionally given her nightmares and threatens her with more.

But all of those are just details. If there’s anything I’d want people to take away from this, it would be that, one, over the course of the show, I believe it becomes more and more apparent that Hera is fundamentally just an average, more-or-less human person navigating extremely abnormal and inhumane circumstances, and, two, she experiences physical loneliness. She starts off the show embittered by, and in part in denial of, these facts, and by the ways she’s been mistreated, isolated, and othered. Accepting that she’s not fundamentally different from the people around her, and therefore not intrinsically doomed, is what ultimately allows her to leave the Hephaestus with the others, and allows her to believe that building a life on Earth is possible for her.

[finelinevogue]

paparazzi nerves

summary - you get nervous around the paps

word count: >1k

pairing: boyfriend!harry x reader

You noticed the paparazzi before anyone else did

It had been easy keeping your holiday location a secret from fans, but somehow the paparazzi always seemed to be able to find you.

Harry’s tour had finished only days ago and now you were spending time together, relaxing and having fun. It had been hard to really dedicate time to one another when Harry had been touring every other day, but now it was time for rest.

Harry had rented a couple of small boats to drive over to a little island he had read about in one of his Italian travel books.

Now you were all arriving and soaking up the glorious sunshine, only to be rudely interrupted by the faraway lenses of the paparazzi.

Harry was on another boat, talking to James and Tyler, whilst you remained on a different boat with Gemma.

You and Gemma weren’t the biggest fans of the sun and the heat, so any opportunity to sit in the shade was taken instantly.

Gemma was sat in her pink dungarees, whilst you were sat in your yellow summers dress. The one that Harry said made you look like a summers dream.

As Gemma continued to read, you kept getting distracted by the paparazzi on a boat in the distance.

You’d never been one to really acclimatise to the constant clicking of photos. No doubt they would be focused on taking photos of Harry - especially when he’s sitting there shirtless, but part of you still remained uneasy.

“I might go and see if there’s a toilet nearby.” Gemma said, standing up and rocking the boat slightly.

You nodded, standing up too.

“I’ll go over there.” You pointed to where Harry was. “Just so I’m not alone.”

“Alright.”

Gemma wandered to the front of the boat, but before she can clamber out Harry has made his way over and is now standing at shin length in the sea.

“Y’alright Gem?” He asked and you couldn’t help but smile at how much of a gentleman he was. Always keen to help out and lend a hand.

He offered his hand for Gemma to hold and step out of the boat, which she took gladly.

“Yeah. Just going to the loo. Your missus needs company, though.”

“Oh does she now?” He turned to look at you once Gemma was out safely. He smiled brightly at you, checking you over and admiring how much you were glowing in the Italian sun.

Gemma kissed Harry on the cheeks before leaving.

Harry then jumped the boat and you bit your lip to hide a laugh when he nearly lost his footing. The idiot was trying to show off, not that he had to for you.

“Y’need me, do you?” he asked, walking over to you where you were still standing in the shade.

“Didn’t want to be sat here like a loner. I’d have been like that one photo of Taylor where she’s sat on the back of a boat by herself.”

Harry laughed at that, finding his arms wrapping around you to pull you in for a hug. He squeezed tight and you sighed into his warm chest. His hugs were always the best. Like your own personal teddy bear.

“Never would let you feel lonely, baby.” He kissed your head.

“I know.” Your lips kissed his chest as you spoke, due to how smushed against him you were. “Have you put suncream on?”

“Yes.” Harry whined.

“Oi, I’m just making sure you still look appealing when we’re older and not some wrinkly ball sack.” You explained, making Harry laugh again.

“Is that all I’m here for? Huh? Appeal for you?”

You tilted your head back to face up at him. “I thought you knew that already.”

Harry squinted his eyes and shook his head at you playfully.

What’s worse is that he brought his large hand down to your bum and gave it a pinch through your dress. The moment only lasted a second, but it was enough for you to step away and push him off of you.

“Harry, don’t.” You said sternly.

Harry knew you meant it too, because you used his actual name and not some other endearment.

“Hey, baby, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He said.

You sat down where you had been sitting before and huffed. You ran your hands over your face and tried to breathe slowly.

“No, i’m sorry.” You shook your head.

“What for?” Harry was confused. He sat down next to you, but made sure you had your own space until he knew what he was in for.

“I noticed the paparazzi here before and now I’m just paranoid. I mean, y’know I don’t deal well with them.”

Harry looked around you and only then noticed the small boat of about five photographers. Luckily he was wearing sunglasses to hide his dark stare, but he was severely pissed that they were here. Invading his private time.

What’s worse is that they were making his girlfriend uncomfortable.

“Hey, look at me. Y/N, honey. C’mere.” He twisted your legs to dangle over his and moved your body so that your back was to the paparazzi. “I’m here. Just us.”

You looked at him and noticed how he was only focused on you. You reached to move his sunglasses and pulled them down for a second to look at his eyes. His pupils were dilated slightly with the look of love he had for you. You pushed his glasses back up and settled in closer next to him.

“Just us.” You nodded.

Even though it wasn’t just you and the paparazzi would be taking photos of this moment no doubt, including the one of Harry pinching your bum, it was settling to know that Harry was here and he was doing this with you.

“Screw them. If I want to touch my girlfriend in public, I will.” You gave him a look. “W-with consent of course.”

You laughed then. “Harry I don’t care when, how, why you touch me. I.. I just… Let me know beforehand if we’re in public settings or if the paps are around. Please?”

“Promise.” He nodded seriously.

“Love you.” You reached for his hand and held onto one of his fingers with your entire hand. His hands are massive compared to yours - something the fans are always pointing out and crying over.

“Love you too.” He encompassed your hand with his and rubbed small circles into the back of your hand.

“Can y’kiss me now?”

“Never going to say no.”

[a-hazbin-reader]

Hello!! I just loooooove how you write Alastor, this unhinged bastard 😂 anyway can I request Alastor with a lesbian, chaotic reader, who's always drooling over women (especially Alastor's friends)(read: Rosie). Toooootally not self-indulgent. Obv platonic pls!! Thank you in advance 🙇

- 🥀

Omg I love this SO MUCH

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

❌️Romantic

✅️Platonic

TW: TERRIBLE TREATMENT OF READER, reader being funny af, idk who is more unhinged, slight Mimzy X Reader, slight Rosie X Reader

Description: ☝️⬆️

First of all, he's gonna be your wingman NOT because he wants to help but because it's funny when you fail

Encourages your chaotic nature and uses it to his advantage, will not let you be caged

Someone beneath him wants to pick a fight with him??? Oh he'll give them a fight

*sets down an oversized pet carrier*

*feral animal sounds and vicious shaking*

Alastor opens the door and lets you wreak havoc on them, it's just too hilarious

All metaphorically of course

😳

They get you a toddler leash because you're always scampering off straight into trouble???

Alastor cuts it the first day Vaggie takes you out

*massive destructive explosive sounds in the distance*

"What the FUCK, ALASTOR!?"

Alastor: 😏

You're his favorite feral little ball of chaos

BACK TO BEING YOUR WINGMAN

It's amusing how quickly you change gears when it comes other women and how they enthrall you

He often gives you a handkerchief to clean up your drool, pushes your mouth shut when it's hanging open and grabs the back of your clothes to keep you upright

He does look out for you though

If Mimzy is currently in your sights then he won't let her take advantage of your attraction towards her

That greedy little thing will take you for every dime all while she flirts and toys with you

If you're feasting your eyes any of the overlords(*cough*Carmilla-*cough*Missi-*cough*Velvet-*cough*) then he'll straight up tell you no

Not him bonking your head sweetly with his staff before pushing you out of harm's way

Rosie is an exception tho

He knows she can fend you off herself if she really wants to but also that she won't really do any harm to you

Not that you're not very charming

Rosie just thinks you're adorable!! All the eager attention you're giving her! She could just eat you up!

No seriously...she could...you would taste sweet

No you're sweet

You're making her blush

And you're making her hungry

"Okay, time to go!"

So Alastor sticks around and looks out for you in those moments but he also thinks it's hilarious when you shoot your shot

Feeds you terrible pick up lines and almost dies of laughter when you actually use them

"Hey! Tie your shoes!! I don't want you falling for anyone else~"

"She actually went with that one?!"

Will properly fix your hair or clothes up before you go out on a date, he can't have you looking shabby

If you ask him for advice then he actually has some really good ideas for romance

It's just difficult to get him to give you a honest answer because it's so funny when you fumble a bad bitch

Actually, he does try to set you up with women he thinks could be good for you

"Fascinating, but have you met my good pal Y/N yet? She is QUITE a character!"

Alastor is your partner in crime and you're wingman but he's pretty terrible at both

Gah!! I hope you liked this one!! I wanted to really get the little gremlin vibes!!

[ayanominitrash]

INTRIGUE (True Form Sukuna x Reader)

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

Humans.

Though weak creatures, they cause chaos wherever and whatever era. It only seems like the only consistent thing in this world. They crawl like the desperate pathetic ants they are, forever struggling to survive day by day. The other idiot ants feel superior to the others, taking advantage of their power that they’d go so far as to take the food that others worked hard to haul onto the hill only for them to have it for themself.  Corruption. No matter the age, Ryomen Sukuna - King of Curses- has witnessed the same thing over and over again. It’s getting a little tiring to look at. 

This is the exact description that anyone in the village would put in the Kamo clan - the corrupt and tyrant rulers. They are wealthy and at the top of the power hierarchy, the very source of corruption, of abuse. The men in the family would beat, abuse, and take advantage of their blood relatives. Some are sold, adding more riches to their unnoble stockpile of treasure. To any lowlife they come across and feel like harassing, they would do so through pain and torture or even just public humiliation just for fun. There wasn’t any person that was brave enough to stand up against them. They were the only ones who were capable of protecting them from curses that would invade them from time to time. The people in that village are under their mercy. Where else can they go when there are curses out there beyond, not knowing how many are out threading freely?

Sukuna sighs in exasperation as he remains squatting on a tree branch, overlooking the nearby village under the bright sun. Sukuna hides in the forest, far away enough that humans wouldn’t loiter around much but close enough that he can watch what goes on in that small puny community. If he does encounter a human, his terrifying four-armed figure will be the last thing that they’d see before their demise. However, in recent days, there haven’t been a lot of humans threading deep into the forest because of the rumors that people who go there never return. Because of this, he hasn’t eaten for weeks and is currently starving for meat. Sukuna debates if it is time to raid the village to satiate his hunger and quench his thirst for blood. 

As if on queue, there was a rustle from the bushes nearby and a familiar scent carried in the wind to which Sukuna wasted no time but to take it all in with one big whiff. It’s the scent that he’s been longing for so long.

Food.

He makes his move, swinging his four arms from one branch to another as quietly as possible, making his way toward the delicious smell. He won’t be bothered to check if this one’s good meat, the only thing he cares about is to quiet down the rumbling of his stomach. When he reaches a safe enough distance, he crouches down his big frame behind one of the bushes near the small river stream. Sukuna’s red eyes shine against the sun as soon as it lands on his meal, licking his lips. 

It was a small girl with short hair, the bottom of her purple kimono neatly folded as she was squatting down at the side of the stream, running a hand in the water while staring in silence. She has her back turned to him as she hums a tune to herself. This was a very easy and effortless catch for Sukuna, a little girl with her guard down. He doubted that he would feel full after ingesting her whole being but it was better than nothing.  The King crouched down and waited, getting ready to pounce until he finally did with a deafening roar. 

Sukuna lands where she is, thinking he has crushed her. He was ready to dig his fingers into her body when he realized that he didn’t hear any screaming and that there was no one underneath him. Confused, he looks around only to see the girl had dogged him and is now holding her hands up.  This completely baffled Sukuna as he stared at the girl’s shocked but not scared face.

“E-easy there, I don’t intend to harm you. I’m sorry if I wandered too far into your territory.” She says in a high-pitched shaky voice. “I-I know you must be h-hungry. I’m actually carrying hens in the b-basket I’m carrying, if that would suffice”

Watching the girl talk made his blood boil. How dare she outwit him by dodging his attack? He would’ve consumed her by now if it weren’t for her eagerness to live. The foolish human thinks she can talk her way out of getting eaten by the King of Curses. He runs towards her, claws extended in front of him when she jumps out of the way again but this time, he can grab her by the foot. She yelps in pain at what he thought because of his grip but he looks down and sees a massive bruise on her ankle. It looked like it had been there for a few days so it couldn’t be because of him. She screams and lands on the shallow side of the water, wetting her hair, face, and upper body. He drags her leg towards him, laughing at the way she digs her fingers into the soil trying to stop herself from getting dragged. With ease, he lifts her upside down with one hand, satisfied with the way her Kimono drops down exposing her slender legs and undergarments.

“Oi, oi, oi! That’s no way to treat a lady, Mister!” She makes an effort to shake her fist at him despite being upside down. “P-please, maybe you should try the hen first?!”

The gull of this human to keep talking as if her life was not about to end made him stop in his movements to look down on her. Her face is panicked but not scared. This takes the fun out of killing her but he’s really after the food instead of the thrill. Still, Sukuna has never encountered a girl who acted this way. It was always screaming, crying, and flailing their hands which made it all the more delicious when he finally sank his sharp teeth into their flesh, silencing the pathetic pleas. Still holding her upside down, his eyes curiously do a double take on this peculiar filth he managed to catch. The little girl, no, this young woman had bruises, burns, and cuts all over her limbs. Some wounds have already been scars but others are still healing. The curse thought this person was a little girl but no doubt she was a woman with her mature figure and breasts. It was just that she was incredibly thin as if the concept of food was never introduced to her. Sukuna knows that he told himself before he attacked that he wasn’t gonna bother with the quality of this meat, but this made him lose his appetite. But mostly, he was curious about what this filth went through, and why doesn’t she act as if life was taken from her, like an empty shell. Instead, she has a wild and bright spirit in her that burns his eyes. It was. . . interesting.

He drops her to the ground.

“See, see! Hens do sound good if you just give it a chance. Come, come!” The woman scrambles to her feet to reach for the basket near the stream. She whips it around and offers it to him, with a hopeful smile on her face or a grateful one for having shown mercy. “They’re fresh from my uncle’s farm!” 

He stares at this ridiculous scene in front of him for a moment before crossing both pairs of his arms. “Get that fucking thing out of my face, you filthy being. What do you take me for?” 

The curse’s deep menacing voice was frightening enough that the young woman recoiled, pulling the hen back to her chest.  She was too stunned to say anything. 

“Well then, why didn’t you eat me if you didn’t want the hen?” 

This made Sukuna pull a dumbfounded face for her to talk to him so bluntly. He curls his lips in amusement, “You’re as filthy as they come, human. You’ve ruined my appetite with your disgusting state.”

“Hm?! Do you mean my injuries? I didn’t know curses were so picky.” She puts her hand on her chin as if in deep thought. 

“So you know what a curse is then, filth. Are you not afraid?”

“Should I be?” For the first time, there was a small smile on her lips as she stared up into the king’s eyes. “I’m well aware that people who enter the forest never come back and I know for sure that they’re eaten by curses. I didn’t think I’d encounter one so soon though, and it is the King himself, no less.”

It’s as if everything that comes out of this filth’s mouth was made to surprise Sukuna every time it opens. He still hadn’t come to terms with that this was all happening, so he couldn’t stop himself from laughing maniacally out loud out of the ridiculousness of it all, of his sharp teeth bearing in front of her. She flinches a little at the sight of him.

“You amuse me!” He finally says as soon as he stops laughing. “Bear to me your name, filth.”

She says her name in a small voice. 

“Never heard of you! Nonetheless, I shall not forget you, filth. I’m  still hungry and I’m still going to eat you despite how you are.” 

He laughs a little when he sees her shoulders drop and deflate at the realization that her life was not spared, the hen finally flies out of her grasp. 

“Uh- I know I came here knowing my fate but it seems that I'm afraid to die after all. I know you’re hungry. Are you alright with at least an arm? Or a leg? I can give you that much.” 

Again, he was taken aback by the words that left her lips once more. Before he can even say anything, she throws her left arm in his direction. “How about this arm?! There aren't many cuts here?” 

For the first time, Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses, was at a loss for words. He glares down at the odd creature in front of him, wondering what’s wrong with her. He takes a few steps back, widening the distance between them. After a few steps, he plops himself cross-legged on the ground. They carefully watch each other in silence, wary of each movement one of them makes. In the background, the hen she was once holding was leisurely bathing itself in the shallow end of the water. 

“Human,” Sukuna finally speaks to her, who flinches again. “Tell me, why are you decorated like a warrior and sickly thin like that of a twig?” 

The girl deflates in her seat again in the grass. She looked down at the stream and opted to go back to her position before Sukuna attacked her, one hand dipping in the water. Silence blankets them once more as she gathers her thoughts. 

“Hmmm. . .if you’re not going to eat me, then what are you planning to eat? Do you eat pigs?”

“I asked you a question, filth. I have yet to hear your answer.”

“- Because if you eat pigs, I could go ahead and grab one from the village and offer it to you. I don’t think I just leave knowing that you’re hungry if you’re kind enough not to kill me.”

“Are you not going to answer me?”

“Can I at least offer you something to eat first before I do?”  She gives a sheepish smile. “I know what it’s like not having anything to eat, as you can tell. My arm is still on the offer if that will help you.” 

“Bring me another human, then.” 

She was quiet for a bit, removing her hand from the water and then bringing it up to her chin in thought, not minding the water droplets dripping on her kimono since it was already messy from the earlier event. “Do you think an older lady will be okay? She’s on the brink of her death. She’s got a plump frame.”

Sukuna laughs again in amusement. “Do you have no regard for your kind? Oh, Humans!”

She shrugs, then grins, “I heard you like cooked humans. I can cook her for you if you’d like.”

His ears perk at this. It has been a while since he tasted cooked human meat. His previous servant was the only one who could cook for him and they have long since parted nearly a decade ago. His stomach growls at the mere suggestion of grilled meat. 

She lightly laughs, her eyes softening. “I take that as a yes. I can do that much for you for your kindness. You may find it odd for me to kill my kind, but honestly, I think it’s better to put her out of her misery. She was a great woman.” 

“How do I know you’ll come back, filth? I know, if you do not come back when the full moon rises, I will burn down your village.” 

Sukuna had a small inkling that she wouldn’t mind her village burning down, seeing how she is all covered in different types of injuries just from living there, but the mere mention of her village made the color drain from her face.

“Understood, then.” As the girl stands up with the basket full of hens, she makes an effort to dust off her kimono but it doesn't do anything. “Full moon it is!”

“Hurry up, fifth. I do not like waiting.” Sukuna says before standing up and walking back into the forest where he came from. 

⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖˖⁺‧₊˚ ♡ ˚₊‧⁺˖

(❀❛ ֊ ❛„)♡ reblogs and comments are appreciated//do not repost my work anywhere // this is one of my first Sukuna fics and I wrote this way back on March this year damn //not re-proofread so sorry if some parts dont make sense or some typa cringe lol

[genshinluvr]

Pictures of a Shining Star

Pairings: Various Honkai Star Rail Men x Isekai'd!Reader

Summary: Nanook's sudden disappearance has left you feeling sad. To cheer you up, and without your knowledge, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, Caelus, March, and Himeko decided to get you a phone! March appoints herself as your unofficial official photographer and decides to take pictures of the littlest things for you and sends them your (and the men's) way.

Note: This took me a while to post because I was distracted by HSR. I made a new HSR account and was finishing up the quest in Belobog. So, yeah, that's why it took me a while to continue, finish, and post this fic 💀 This fic is longer than the first two fics I posted in the HSR series, so I hope you all enjoy this fic 🥹 After posting this fic on Tumblr and AO3, I'm heading to bed. I'll make and post the mini-fic for the Isekai Genshin series when I wake up because I've been lacking sleep. I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: Kind of starts off depressing in the beginning

Word Count: 9.7k

You expect to see Nanook when you wake up in the abyss, but unfortunately, you do not see the tall figure that once towered over you when you woke up in the void. The same tall figure you first met in the state of unconsciousness when you first arrived at the Xianzhou Luofu not long ago. This was the fifth time you didn’t see Nanook in your dreams, and the last time you talked to Nanook felt like ages ago.

Now, here you are, sitting at the table in the Astral Express, shoving a spoon full of cereal into your mouth before munching it glumly. From a distance, March, Himeko, Dan Heng, Mr. Yang, and Caelus look at you worriedly. If the others had to be honest, you look like shit. You have bags under your eyes, your hair is unkempt— you did wake up from your sleep not long ago and didn’t bother to change out of your pajamas or brush your hair before leaving your room— and you look very upset.

Himeko clears her throat. “Does anyone want to speak to [Y/N]? They look upset. Did something happen?” asks Himeko, looking at the four people beside her.

March sighs, leaning against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. “Ever since [Y/N] regained their memories, they’ve been a little bit off. I’m not sure if it’s the lack of communication with the Aeon or if it was because they’re not in their universe,” March replies before letting out another sad sigh.

Dan Heng opens his mouth to comment, but a porcelain bowl scraping and squeaking across the table cuts him off. You push the bowl to the side, laying your head on the table and closing your eyes. You weren’t sure why the lack of Nanook was hurting you. Perhaps it’s because Nanook was the first…. Person (being?)…. You met in this universe. 

That, and because Nanook told you that the both of you will meet face-to-face soon, only to disappear without a trace. Gosh, you want to be mad at Nanook, but you can’t get yourself to be upset. Plus, you have another can of worms to deal with, and that is learning how to survive in another universe without accidentally getting yourself killed. 

Footsteps approach your table, and the chair in front of you slides out from underneath the table. You open your eyes and turn to see Mr. Yang sitting across from you. You blink at the older man before sitting up, running your fingers through your unkempt hair. Mr. Yang leans in his seat and clears his throat, sliding the chair closer to the table.

“Do you want to talk about it?” asks Mr. Yang, pushing his glasses up to the bridge of his nose.

You shake your head, resting your chin on the table. “Not really. I’m afraid that if I talk about it, I’ll start crying,” you mumble, letting yourself stare off into space. 

You and Mr. Yang sat in silence. Dan Heng, March, and Caelus slowly make their way toward the table where you and Mr. Yang are sitting. March sits beside you, while Dan Heng and Caelus sit beside Mr. Yang. 

March rests her chin on the table before pressing her cheek on the cool tabletop. “How are you feeling, [Y/N]? You woke up late today,” says March, poking your cheek lightly with her manicured nails. 

You hum, closing your eyes. “I couldn’t sleep last night. Too many things were occupying my mind, and it kept me up most of the night,” you reply.

March gives you a sympathetic smile. “Oh, cheer up, [Y/N]! We got something that’ll cheer you up!” says March, looking at the three men sitting before you and her. The three men stare at March blankly, making the girl laugh nervously. “I saaaaid, ‘We got something that’ll cheer you up!’” 

Again, the three men continue to give March a blank stare. You look between March and the three men sitting before you, confused about what’s supposed to happen. March lets out an exasperated groan, throwing her head back out of frustration. In the distance, Himeko is giggling in the corner with Pom-Pom beside her, shaking his head with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Were we supposed to do something?” Dan Heng asks, raising an eyebrow at March.

March nods rapidly. “Yes! When I said that we have something that’ll cheer [Y/N] up, that was supposed to be your cue!” March exclaims, throwing her hands in the air before rubbing her throbbing temples with a frustrated sigh. 

Caelus laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his head. “In case you haven’t noticed, we weren’t informed of this so-called cue of yours,” Caelus interjects, puckering his lips while staring at the fuming pink-haired girl in front of him.

You reach for your bowl of cereal to slurp the milk, but March unintentionally smacks it out of your hand, sending the bowl in the air before it shatters into a huge mess. You, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, March, and Caelus stare at the mess on the glossy tile floor. Pom-Pom waddles to your table, glaring at the pink-haired girl.

“You made a mess!” exclaims Pom-Pom, crossing his arms over his chest with a small growl. “Do you know I work tirelessly to make sure the Astral Express is in tip-top shape!?” 

March laughs nervously, rubbing the back of her neck. “Sorry, Pom-Pom! I-I didn’t mean to smack the bowl from [Y/N]’s hands!” March apologizes. 

You get up from your seat, grab a napkin from the table and begin cleaning up the mess. Pom-Pom grumbles under his breath before waddling off. While you’re cleaning up the mess, March is giving the three men an earful while making sure you didn’t hear the conversation. While you’re wiping up the mess, someone walks up to you, stopping in front of the shattered bowl. You look up to see Caelus, who kneels in front of you and holds a box out to you. You stare at the box before grabbing it from Caelus’ hand. 

“What’s this? You guys didn’t need to get me anything,” you murmur, unwrapping the box while Caelus watches you with eagle eyes. 

Caelus clears his throat. “We got it for you because it’s the best way to communicate with each other while we’re far away. In case you’re on the Astral Express and we’re at Belobog or the Xianzhou Luofu, you can reach out to any of us,” replies Caelus.

Your heart sinks into your chest. “Oh, no. You guys got me a phone?” You ask, looking at Caelus and the other three with disbelief. 

It’s not like you were opposed to getting a phone, but you didn’t think they would buy you a phone themselves. Especially since they bought it without your knowledge. You hand the box back to Caelus before picking up the broken pieces of the bowl, placing them on the napkin, and tossing them away into the trash. You grab a broom and begin sweeping the tiny pieces into the dustpan.

Dan Heng looks at you quizzically. “Did you not want us to get you a phone? If we didn’t get you one, how would we be able to contact you while we’re far away or end up getting separated?” Dan Heng asks.

“Plus, when we go Trailblazing together, you can make new memories with us! I volunteer to be your photographer!” March says proudly, raising her hands in the air with a big smile. 

You stroke your chin, staring at the ground. “New memories, huh?” You murmur. “I’m not opposed to making new memories with you guys.”

March perks up and cheers loudly before bouncing over to you and throwing her arms around your shoulders with glee. You snort and wrap your arm around her, making sure not to drop the broom on the ground. After cleaning the mess on the floor, March dragged you to the nearest chair and had you set your phone up while Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang hung around in case you needed any assistance with setting up your phone.

“Oooh! You know what we should do after [Y/N] officially sets their phone up?” March asks, clapping her hands with excitement.

Mr. Yang stares at March, raising his eyebrows at the pink-haired girl. “And what is that?” asks Mr. Yang.

“We should take pictures! Lots and lots of ‘em!” exclaims March. “And as [Y/N]’s unofficial official photographer, I will be the one to take all of the pictures!” 

Once your phone is officially set up, March begins passing your phone around so other people can start saving their phone numbers into your phone before adding your number to their phone. Once your phone returns to you, you put your phone in your pocket, but March stops you.

She holds her hand out in front of you. “Ah, ah, ah! Don’t put your phone away just yet, [Y/N]! We still need to take pictures! I am not letting you walk around without a background for your home and lock screen!” says March, propping her other hand on her hips.

You stare at the girl in front of you. “We can do that after I’m done getting ready? I don’t want to look like a mess in the pictures,” you say.

“Pfft! It’s okay! It’s not like the photos are leaving your phone anyway!” March says.

You shake your head. “Still, I want to look decent,” you mumble.

Realization hits March a few seconds later, and her eyes light up. A smile stretches across her face, giving you a knowing look. You stare at March, heat rushing to your cheeks. You’re hoping no one aside from March notices your change of demeanor. Plus, if March is going to be your unofficial official photographer, you might as well try to look your best in the photos, right? Especially when other people will end up in the pictures soon.

March pretends to let out an exasperated sigh, slumping forward. “Alright, alright! As a professional and your unofficial official photographer, I cannot have you look terrible in your pictures. You may go get ready and freshen up for the pictures…. As long as you give me your phone before getting ready!” says March, holding her hand out.

You shrug your shoulders and hand your phone over to March without questioning her. You walk to your room to get ready for the day after multiple delays before breakfast. After getting ready for the day, you return to where the others are waiting for you, only to see March take a selfie with Dan Heng, Caelus, Mr. Yang, and Himeko. March looks up from your phone, and she beams at you with excitement.

“You’re back! And don’t you look cute! Trying to impress a certain someone?” March teases, poking you when you stand beside her.

You huff and look away from March, snatching your phone from her hands. “How many pictures did you take on my phone while I was away?” You ask, scrolling through your gallery.

March giggles, swaying to the side while watching you search for your gallery. The way you’re scrolling through your phone and searching for the gallery reminds her of Mr. Yang. She wonders if you know how to change profile pictures, unlike Mr. Yang. Poor guy couldn't figure it out and tried to message Caelus about it, only for Caelus to be no help at all. After two minutes of searching for the gallery, you finally found it. Once you clicked the gallery app, your eyes nearly popped out of your head.

“Two hundred?! How are there almost two hundred pictures in the gallery already, March?!” You screeched, turning to look at March incredulously. 

March holds her hands up defensively. “Hey, hey, hey! Taking pictures wasn’t the only thing I did, alright? I also added you to our group chat!” March says, clicking through your phone and showing you the group chat she added you to.

The Astral Express Family. That’s cute. 

March claps her hands. “Okay! Now that [Y/N] is finished with cutesy-ing up for a special someone, let's take pictures now!” March announces.

“Oh? Who’re you ‘cutesy-ing’ up for, [Y/N]?” asks Mr. Yang, approaching you with Dan Heng and Caelus at his side.

Your eyes widen, and you squeak, “Uh! Me? Cutesy-ing up for someone? I’m not cutesy-ing up for anyone, Mr. Yang! I just want to look decent in the pictures in case someone,” you look at March with a glare, “sends the pictures around!” 

Mr. Yang raises his eyebrows at your response, a faint smirk appearing on his face as he gazes at you with amusement. You feel your face heat up as you press your lips into a thin line before nudging March’s side. March snickers and guides you to the front of the three men before standing beside you. Himeko stands beside March, and the six of you take a group selfie. The following picture was of you, March, Dan Heng, and Caelus. Then the next was of you, Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang.

This went on for a while, and the next thing you know, as you had expected, March has you send the pictures to the Astral Express Family group chat for everyone to save on their phones. You didn’t think March was going to have you send the images to the group chat, but boy, you’re glad you decided to, and you quote from March, cutesy up for the photos. You sure as hell did not want any of them to have an awful picture of you on their phones. You’re okay with sending the photos to each person individually if they wish to have the images. Still, March suggested sending it through the group chat to save some time. 

While in the midst of sending the last ten photos to the group chat, March skips up to you and loops her arms around yours, diverting your attention from your phone. 

“So! Are you ready to go to Belobog? Gepard and Sampo kept pestering Caelus about wanting to see you,” says March, wiggling her eyebrows at you with a teasing smile. “Right, Caelus?” March asks, leaning to the side to look at the silver-haired male.

Caelus approaches you and March with Mr. Yang and Dan Heng at his side. “I wouldn’t say that. Both Gepard and Sampo talked about wanting to hang out with us again before we go to the Xianzhou Luofu. I think it’d be nice to hang out with the two of them before we visit the Xianzhou Luofu,” says Caelus. 

You blink at Caelus, March, Mr. Yang, and Dan Heng. “Wait, we’re stopping by the Xianzhou Luofu today after we stop by Belobog?” You ask, cocking your head to the side. 

Mr. Yang looks at the time before sighing. “That is if we have time. Who knows how long we will be at Belobog,” replies Mr. Yang.

Everyone walks to the Parlor Car and begins taking their seats after Pom-Pom announces the Astral Express is taking off soon. You sit on the couch beside March and close your eyes, resting your head on the back cushions, bracing yourself for take off. You still weren’t used to the feeling of the Astral Express traversing through space, and it sometimes made you feel nauseous and dizzy. 

You poke March’s arm to grab her attention. March looks up from her phone and scoots close when you gesture for her to come closer. “I’m going to take a nap. Can you wake me up when we arrive at Jarilo-VI or Belobog?”

March nods before looking back at her phone. You close your eyes and relax against the cushions. Your eyelids grow heavy as you slowly drift to sleep. When you open your eyes, you’re back in the abyss. The stars glimmer around you, and the void is silent. It’s so quiet that if you were to listen closely, you would’ve been able to hear your heart beating against your chest.

“You’re here,” says a familiar voice.

You turn your head and see Nanook towering over you. Nanook gazes at you with glowing gold eyes as you take a step closer. You weren’t sure if Nanook was okay with you getting any closer, but since you didn’t see any negative reaction, you stopped in front of Nanook’s towering form.

You give Nanook a smile. “I should be the one to say that. After all, you’re the one that completely disappeared after that incident,” you say, sitting on the ground. “Where did you go? Were you upset with me by any chance?” You ask, hugging your knees to your chest. 

Nanook hums, refusing to look away from you. “That, I cannot answer. But what I can tell you is that we will be face-to-face in person very soon. I apologize if I made you worried. That was never my intention,” says Nanook, smiling at you.

You pucker your lips before turning around, having your back face Nanook’s direction. Nanook blinks at you quizzically, staring at your back while you stare into the void. Nanook’s lips twitch, trying to fight back a smile that’s forming. Even though Nanook has known you for a short amount of time, Nanook can tell that you’re sulking. 

Nanook pokes you. “Are you upset with me? You’re not upset with me, are you?” asks Nanook, poking your back for the second time.

You huff in response, letting yourself fall over on your side, still hugging your knees to your chest. Nanook lets out an amused laugh before gently sliding his hands underneath your body and lifting you. Nanook stares at you while you continue to have your back facing his direction. Nanook sighs and caresses your hair while you continue to sulk in silence.

Nanook looks down at you, his face a few feet from your body. “If I made you upset and worried, I apologize. Will you forgive me?” Nanook murmurs.

Nanook hears a faint sigh coming from you. You roll over to face the towering silver-white-haired figure before you, staring at him while lying in the palm of his hands. You and Nanook stare at each other without saying a word. You weren’t mad at Nanook. 

But you were worried to the point where you’d try to take as many naps as you could just so you could see the Aeon, making sure you could still communicate with each other. Each time you don’t see Nanook, you can’t help but feel discouraged. And since there wasn’t a way for you to communicate with Nanook outside of your dreams, and Nanook is the one that can make it happen, you feel helpless. 

After all, Nanook is the first being you talked to, and Nanook did bring you into this universe. You and many people around you have no idea how the Aeon was able to take you away from your world and plop you into their universe without warning. You grab Nanook’s finger and hug them to your chest.

“I’m not mad at you. You did, however, make me worry about you. I thought I did something to upset you, causing you to ignore me for weeks!” You say, frowning at the Aeon before you.

Nanook blinks at you. “Little one, I wasn’t ignoring you for weeks,” replies Nanook, a smile gracing those gorgeous features. 

“Well, to me, it felt like weeks! I….” you trailed off with a sharp intake of breath. “I was hoping to see you after you disappeared all of a sudden, but I couldn’t reach out to you. There wasn’t another way for me to talk to you.”

Nanook strokes your cheek, frowning. “I really do apologize for disappearing out of the blue. It wasn’t my intention to make you feel this way. Can you forgive me, little one?” asks Nanook, brushing your hair from your face. 

You wanted to play hard to get, but you can’t. Not when Nanook is giving you what looks like puppy dog eyes. You sit up and nod slowly. A wide smile appears on Nanook’s face. You press your lips into a thin line when you see Nanook’s smile. Nanook puts you on the ground suddenly, disappearing before your sight.

You blink, getting up from the ground, and begin searching around the void for the Aeon. Oh gosh, why did Nanook disappear out of nowhere like last time? Last time Nanook looked upset, but before Nanook put you on the ground, he was smiling. While you are occupied with searching for Nanook, you feel a tap on your shoulders. You turn to see Nanook standing behind you, no longer the once towering figure above you.

Before you can scold him for disappearing so suddenly, Nanook grabs you by your wrist, pulls you to his chest, and wraps his arms around you, resting his chin on your head. You close your eyes and relax in Nanook’s arms, wrapping your arms around his waist. Despite the open wounds on Nanook’s body and gold blood flowing from the wounds like water, you let Nanook hug you tightly against his chest.

“It feels nice to have you in my arms,” you hear Nanook whisper, feeling Nanook press a kiss on your forehead.

You close your eyes, relaxing in Nanook’s arms. It really does feel nice to be in Nanook’s arms. Being in Nanook’s arms is so comfortable compared to sleeping on your bed. The world around you slowly becomes dark, and before you know it, you wake up to someone shaking you awake. You groan and try to swat the hand away, hoping it’ll make the person stop shaking you. 

You hear an obnoxious laugh. “Oh, wow, Gumdrop! You really are a heavy sleeper like what March said,” the person laughs.

Sampo. 

“Come on, Gumdrop! I know you can hear me! If you had those foxian ears, it would’ve been twitching right now because you love the sound of my voice, don’tcha, Gumdrop?” Sampo asks teasingly.

You feel, you presume, Sampo brushes your hair away from your face before caressing your face with his large hands. You hear someone let out an annoyed sigh. You weren’t sure who it was exactly, but it was either Dan Heng, Gepard, or Mr. Yang. 

“Your failed flirting tactic isn’t going to wake [Y/N] up from their slumber,” Dan Heng mutters.

You can hear the irritation in his voice as Sampo continues to caress your face and stroke your cheek with his thumb. You want to continue to sleep. You’re so tired, and your limbs feel like lead. You hear a faint click. 

“Why are you taking a picture of them sleeping in your arms, Sampo? It’s a little creepy for you to do that,” Gepard mutters.

You hear Sampo let out a scandalous gasp. “What? It’s not creepy! [Y/N] looks so cute when they’re sleeping! How can you not want to take a picture of their cute face when they’re sleeping?” Sampo asks.

March makes a ‘meh’ sound before drawing out a sigh. “Gepard’s right on this one, Sampo. As [Y/N]’s unofficial official photographer, even I wouldn’t do something like this,” says March.

You grumble in response and slowly open your eyes. As your eyes gradually adjust to the light around you, you see Sampo grinning down at you through your blurry vision. You bring your hand up to your eyes, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. You look around to see people circling around you, watching you regain consciousness. 

Gepard gives you a tiny smile. “You’re awake. You were sleeping for a while,” comments Gepard, sweeping your hair away from your face when the wind blows it onto your face.

You adjust yourself to sit up in Sampo’s arms, stretching your arms while Sampo wraps his arms around your waist, snuggling up against you. While you’re trying to force yourself to be awake, the others around you are glaring daggers at Sampo. Mr. Yang subtly smacks Sampo’s arms from your waist while glaring at the merchant. 

Gepard holds his hands out for you to take. You smile at Gepard and grab ahold of his hand before standing up. Sampo pouts and crosses his arms over his chest when you get off of his lap. Still feeling exhausted and disoriented from your nap, you rub your eyes with your knuckles really hard.

Gepard grabs your hand to stop you from rubbing your eyes any longer. You stare at Gepard sleepily before looking around. You’re in Belobog now, and somehow you didn’t wake up to the sound of bustling crowds or to the feeling of someone picking you up and carrying you out of the Astral Express. You turn to look at March, Dan Heng, Caelus, and Mr. Yang. 

“How did I end up here? I thought you guys were going to wake me up before we got off the Astral Express,” you say, running your hands through your hair.

The crisp air of Belobog sends chills down your spine, making you visibly shiver while rubbing your arms. The brisk air nipping at your skin, causing goosebumps to prick on your arms. Noticing your slight discomfort with the temperature of Belobog, Mr. Yang takes his coat off before draping it over your shoulders. You’re immediately engulfed in warmth, making you sigh with contentment.

You smiled at the brown-haired man and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to the stoic man. Mr. Yang nods, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. At that moment, you hear a faint click of a camera but ignore it. You feel the cold nip at your nose and cheeks, making you press your cold hand against your face. Everyone around you seems unbothered by the chilly air of Belobog while you are shivering in your shoes and Mr. Yang’s coat.

Gepard crosses his arms over his chest and gestures to Sampo. “When the Astral Express landed on Belobog, Sampo entered the Express to greet all of you. You were sleeping on the couch in the Astral Express, and March 7th was trying to wake you up. Of course, you didn’t wake up, and Sampo volunteered to carry you,” replies Gepard. 

You turn to look at March, who waddles up to you before linking her arms around yours. You yawn and nod, not questioning why they didn’t leave you on the Astral Express if you weren’t waking up. March nudges you lightly to get your attention. You look at March, blinking at the pink-haired girl owlishly.

March leans to whisper into your ears. “While you were asleep, I put Sampo and Gepard’s number into your phone while they added you to their contacts list. Was that okay?” asks March.

You nod. “Yeah, that’s fine with me! As long as you didn’t take any unflattering pictures of me while I was napping,” you reply.

March stares at you with wide eyes before looking away sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck with a nervous laugh. You narrow your eyes at March’s strange behavior. You unloop your arms from March’s arm, crossing your arms over your chest while staring her down. 

March puffs her cheeks and points at the others around you two. “I’m not the only one that took unflattering pictures of you, you know! They did it too! In fact, Sampo was the first person to do it!” March exclaims, sticking her nose in the air with a loud huff.

You sigh and run your hands through your hair. There are too many people to scold, and you’re too hungry to scold anyone individually. Your phone chimes, and you look at your phone to see a new text message from Sampo. It was a picture of you knocked out in his arms while he was smiling widely at the camera. You groan internally, covering your face with your hand. You can feel the blood rushing to your cheeks, and you can’t tell if it is from the cold or if it’s from embarrassment.

Sampo struts over to you and throws his arms over your shoulders, pulling you to his side. “I think you look adorable when you’re asleep, Gumdrop! I hope you don’t mind that I made it my home screen background,” says Sampo, patting your head. 

Well, at least in this world, you’re someone’s phone background. You smile at Sampo and shake your head. “I don’t mind it as long as it’s not an embarrassing picture of me,” you reply.

“Are we going to do something, or are we going to stand around all day and do nothing in Belobog?” asks Dan Heng, raising his eyebrows at Sampo and Gepard.

Gepard clears his throat, nodding. “Ah, yes, right. Please, follow me as I show you around the Administrative District,” says Gepard, gesturing to you all to follow him while casting a glance in your and Sampo’s direction.

The tour around the Administrative District would have been even better if it wasn’t for the cold. While there are heaters around the area, it’s not enough for you to warm up, and not even Mr. Yang’s coat can keep you warm from the bitter cold. It could be worse. At least it’s not in some mountain surrounded by five feet of snow.

The flower shop, from a distance, grabs your attention. It looks inviting and very warm. Oh, you bet the flower shop is nice and warm on the inside compared to the outside. Without looking away from the flower shop, you grab the nearest person’s arm and tug on their shirt sleeve, pointing at the flower shop. 

“Can we go into the flower shop?” You ask, continuing to tug on the sleeves.

The person hums. “Do you want to look at the flowers?” asks Caelus, gazing down at you and then at the flower shop.

You blink at Caelus and slowly nod. “Yeah! I also want to go in there because it’s really cold, and my hands are freezing,” you reply, pressing your cold hands against Caelus’ warm cheeks.

Caelus flinches and grabs your hands while you’re trying to get warm by pressing yourself against his side. Caelus chuckles and wraps his arms around you, rubbing your hands with his to create heat for your freezing hands. You shiver, pouting while sniffling dramatically. Caelus stifles his laugh, shaking his head. 

While you were pouting and huddling close to Caelus, letting him rub your hands together to create heat, March pulled her phone out and snapped a picture of the two of you. Caelus walks over to the men with you waddling beside him, your hands remaining in his grasp.

“Hey, so [Y/N] wants to go into the flower shop to warm up. Is that okay?” asks Caelus, continuing to rub his hands with yours.

Mr. Yang nods. “That’s fine with us. Is my coat not keeping them warm enough?” asks Mr. Yang as he crosses his arms over his chest.

You stare at Mr. Yang with your mouth agape. The man isn’t wearing the coat he gave you, and yet he’s not freezing or shivering like you. Heck, you don’t even see a single goosebump on this man’s arm! Then again, he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt, so you technically can’t tell if he’s cold or not. 

You press yourself against Caelus’ side. “Are you not cold, Mr. Yang?” You ask.

Mr. Yang shakes his head. “No, I’m not cold. Maybe you’re not used to the weather here,” Mr. Yang answers. 

After getting confirmation that you can go into the flower shop, you pull your hands out from Caelus’ grasp before jogging to the flower shop without hesitation. Caelus sighs, tucking his hands in his pockets before following after you. March skips up to Caelus happily, showing him her phone. Caelus pauses in his steps and presses his lips into a thin line.

“Can you send that to me?” Caelus asks shyly.

March grins at Caelus, wiggling her eyebrows at the silver-haired man before nodding. “Sure! Would you like for me to send it in the group chat or just to you?” 

Before Caelus can reply, Sampo, Mr. Yang, Dan Heng, and Gepard walk up to them. Caelus clears his throat, signaling to March that they’ll continue the conversation another time. March sighs and rolls her eyes, walking up the steps of the small flower shop. When everyone walks into the Eversummer Florist, the first thing they see is you taking pictures of the flowers while Vaska is explaining to you what each flower symbolizes. 

“So! Has anyone ever bought you flowers, dear customer?” asks Vaska, gazing at you curiously. 

You blush and tuck your hair behind your ear. How do you explain to Vaska that no one has ever bought you flowers, whether as a gift or in general? The sound of the bell chiming alerts you and Vaska of new customers, only for you to realize it’s your friends and not random customers. 

You clear your throat. “Oh, uh, no! No one has ever bought me flowers before, Vaska. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to look around!” You say.

Vaska smiles and nods, walking away to other customers that call her over for assistance. You sigh in relief and take Mr. Yang’s coat off, handing it to the brown-haired man while looking around the flower shop. 

Sampo grabs your hand and presses a kiss on your knuckles. “May I be the first person to buy you flowers? A person as beautiful as you deserves to be spoiled with the prettiest and most vibrant flowers to exist in Belobog,” says Sampo, winking at you.

Dan Heng raises his eyebrows at Sampo. “Are you sure you’ll be able to buy every flower in the flower shop for [Y/N]?”

Gepard hums, crossing his arms over his chest while looking around the flower shop. “Flowers can be expensive depending on what type of flower you want and how you want them to be arranged,” Gepard interjects.

March raises her eyebrows at the Captain of the Silvermane Guards, propping her hands on her hips while leaning on one leg. “And how do you know that, Gepard?” March questions, tapping her foot on the ground while waiting for the blond man to reply. 

Gepard goes quiet and looks at March sheepishly. If you were to look closely, you could see a faint blush on Gepard’s cheek. Gepard clears his throat, looking away from the pink-haired girl before continuing to admire the flowers in the flower shop. You chuckle and nudge March while she gives you a devious smile, wiggling her eyebrows at you teasingly. You roll your eyes and walk to the other side of the flower shop, admiring the beautiful flowers while taking occasional pictures of them.

A specific flower captures your attention. You let out an audible gasp in awe, admiring the beautiful flower. You’re contemplating buying yourself a flower to put in your room back on the Astral Express. You look at the Ball Peonies in front of you, admiring their beauty and color. Gosh, it’s so pretty! How can you not buy one for yourself? You lean down, searching for the price of the flower. 

After what felt like ten minutes, you finally found the price tag. You reach for the label, flip it over and let out a choked gasp, dropping the price tag and letting it dangle. You know that flowers can get expensive, but not that expensive! Noticing your shock from afar, Vaska walks up to you and gazes at the Ball Peonies.

Vaska giggles and adjusts the flower. “The Ball Peonies are very expensive, but not as expensive as the Marquis! The Marquis is our most expensive flower,” says Vaska.

You give Vaska a fake smile, rubbing the back of your neck. “The Ball Peonies are beautiful! Unfortunately, I don’t think I’ll be able to buy these. Maybe in another lifetime,” you joke.

Vaska chuckles and walks away, shaking her head. You sigh for the umpteenth time and walk to another flower before pulling your phone out to scroll through your gallery. You begin sorting your pictures, putting them in different files. While you’re occupied with putting the group pictures in appropriate files, your phone chimes.

‘3 Attachments from March (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ’

You click on the notifications, waiting for the messages to load. Someone taps on your shoulders. You turn your phone off and turn around, only to see Gepard standing before you with Ball Peony in his hands, his cheeks and the tip of his ears crimson red. Your eyes widen, gazing at the blond man speechlessly.

Gepard clears his throat and looks away from you before holding the Ball Peony out toward you. “I saw you looking at the Ball Peony. I also saw how shocked and disappointed you were when you saw the price of it, and I didn’t want you to be disappointed,” says Gepard. 

Heat rushes to your cheeks, making your face feel warm. “Gepard, you didn’t have to get me the Ball Peony. They’re expensive,” you whisper, gazing at the ground.

Gepard looks at you. You didn’t see the soft look Gepard had on his face while smiling at you shyly. Gepard clears his throat. “It doesn’t matter to me that they’re expensive. I wanted to see you happy, and…” Gepard trails off, “I wanted to be the first one to buy you flowers.” 

Your face is aflame as you grab the flowers from Gepard’s hands, admiring the Ball Peony. You look up at Gepard, smiling widely before throwing your arms around Gepard’s shoulders, hugging him tightly. Caught off guard by your actions, Gepard stumbles back slightly while wrapping his arms around your waist with wide eyes. If Gepard’s face isn't red already, it’s probably almost as red as Himeko’s hair. March squeals softly, pulling her phone out while snapping multiple pictures of you and Gepard hugging from different angles.

Sampo huffs and looks away, flicking his bangs from his eyes. “I wanted to be the first one to buy [Y/N] flowers, but Mister Captain of the Silvermane Guards had to be the first one to do it!” Sampo grouses, his face pinching up with annoyance. 

You pull away from the hug and thank Gepard shyly. Gepard smiles and brushes the stray hair away from your face. Your phone begins chiming over and over, ruining the sweet moment between you and Gepard. You give Gepard an apologetic smile before pulling your phone out from your pockets to see a ton of attachments from March. 

You raise your eyebrows and look in March’s direction. March looks at you with a wide smile while holding her phone behind her back, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet while feigning innocence. 

Dan Heng clears his throat. “So, now that you’re warmed up. Do you want to continue the tour around the Administrative District, or do you want to return to the Astral Express?” asks Dan Heng, approaching you and Gepard.

You hum, tapping on your chin with one hand. “I don’t know how much longer I can handle the cold. People here are used to the weather, but I’m not. I would like to return to the Astral Express, but I feel bad for wanting to leave so soon,” you say, looking over at Gepard and Sampo.

Sampo smiles at you and props his hands on Gepard’s shoulders. Gepard’s smile falters for a split second before giving Sampo a fake smile, brushing the merchant’s arm off his shoulders. Sampo clears his throat and adjusts himself. 

Sampo ruffles your hair with a big smile. “Oh, come on! Don’t be sad now, Gumdrop! I know you’re going to miss the amazing Sampo Koski, but no need to worry! I, and maybe the Captain of the Silvermane Guard, will be accompanying you on the Astral Express heading to, uh, what’s that ship called again?” Sampo looks at Dan Heng, Caelus, Mr. Yang, and March with a questioning look. 

Mr. Yang sighs, closing his eyes. “We’re heading to the Xianzhou Luofu next. General Jing Yuan wanted us to stop by and visit,” Mr. Yang answers, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge.

You nod, holding the Ball Peony close to your chest. The trip from Jarilo-V to the Xianzhou Luofu is going to take a while, and that means you can take a nap! But knowing March, she will try to find a way for you not to take a nap. According to her, you take too many naps. You dread leaving the flower shop because you’re going to get cold again, and you refuse to borrow anyone’s jacket because you feel bad if they let you borrow their jacket.

After what felt like ages, you all arrive at the Astral Express. Instead of borrowing someone’s jacket like last time, Dan Heng lets you share jackets with him. Of course, March took a picture of that and sent it to you and Dan Heng separately instead of sending the photo through the group chat.

You sigh in relief, stretching your arms in the air. The first thing you’re going to do is get a vase for the Ball Peony. After that, you go to your room and take a nap. Well, sneak off to take a nap because March is going to find a way to stop you from napping.

You scurry to find a vase for your Ball Peony, leaving the others in the Parlor Car. You end up finding the prettiest iridescent vase for the Ball Peony. You fill the vase with water and stick the Ball Peony into the vase, wondering if the Ball Peony is going to survive in a train that’s traversing through space. 

You walk to the Passenger Cabin, holding the vase carefully, making sure not to spill any water. You weren’t sure where you were going to put the flowers, but you were debating on putting them close to the window or on your nightstand beside your bed. You opted for the nightstand and set it down in the center before plopping down on your bed and pulling your phone out to look at the messages March sent to you throughout the day in Belobog. 

You save all of the pictures to your phone, feeling your eyelids grow heavy as you slowly succumb to sleep. Your phone falls from your hands and lies beside you as you drift to sleep. You weren’t sure how long you fell asleep, but you’re rudely awoken by the sound of your phone buzzing uncontrollably and your bedroom door slamming open.

“Why did you burst into [Y/N]’s room like that? You know they were sleeping,” you hear Dan Heng scold someone.

You rub your eyes, tempted to go back to sleep.

March huffs loudly. “Oh, no, you don’t! Get up! We arrived at the Xianzhou Luofu! General Jing Yuan and the others are waiting for us at the entrance!” says March.

March walks up to your bed and yanks your blanket off your body. You groan, stretching in your bed while reaching around for your phone. You look at your phone to see three messages from three unknown numbers.

The first message reads, “Hello, [Y/N]. This is Jing Yuan! In case you’re wondering how I got your number, March informed me, Luocha, and Blade that you have a new phone. She gave us your number. I’m looking forward to seeing you soon!”

The second message is from, you’re assuming, Luocha. “Hello, [Y/N]! I hope you’ve been doing well since the last time we saw each other. March informed me that you got a phone, and Caelus sent me your phone number! If you ever need anything, please let me know, and I’ll try my best to help you. Also, this is Luocha.” 

And finally, the last text you received on your phone is from Blade. “This is Blade. Are you still talking to the Aeon?” That was the only message Blade sent to you.

You blink at the message on your phone before unlocking it. You quickly type out a reply to all three men before getting off your bed, running your hands through your hair. You shove your phone into your pocket before following March and Dan Heng out of your bedroom. 

You step out of the Astral Express, yawning for the umpteenth time within the span of five minutes. March nudges you, giving you a worried look. You shake your head as if telling her not to worry about it. After all, it’s not like it’s out of the ordinary for you to feel tired. You did arrive in their universe from another world. You’re still adjusting to everything. Plus, it’s not like there’s a timezone since you’re constantly going to different planets and fleets. 

“And there they are,” Mr. Yang says, smiling at you, March, and Dan Heng. 

Caelus snickers and looks at Dan Heng and March with an eyebrow raised. “Was it really that hard to wake [Y/N] up from their sleep?” asks Caelus, propping his hands on his waist.

March and Dan Heng glare at Caelus while you walk to the nearest bench on the Xianzhou Luofu and plop on it. Luocha sits beside you. You lay your head on Luocha’s shoulders, closing your eyes. 

Luocha smiles and caresses your hair. “Did you not sleep well while on your way to the Xianzhou Luofu?” asks Luocha.

You shake your head. “I haven’t been sleeping well recently. I’m not sure if it’s because my body is trying to adjust to the constant change of environment or if it’s because….”  you trailed off, opening your eyes.

Luocha peeks down at you, looking at you worriedly. “Because what?” Luocha murmurs.

You sit up and pull your phone out, mindlessly rubbing your thumb against the smooth screen. “I don’t know if I want to say it. I’m hoping it’s not true, but who knows,” you shrug your shoulders.

You have a theory that your lack of sleep could come from your and Nanook’s ways of communication. Nanook speaks to you in your dreams, and you’re very well aware that you’re dreaming. But are you really asleep when Nanook communicates with you through your dreams? Or is your physical body unconscious, but the mind isn’t? 

Luocha leans back and gazes at you with his gorgeous green eyes. To Luocha, you do look visibly exhausted. If he were to look closely, you have bags under your eyes, and the little sparkle in your eyes is dim, almost nonexistent. 

“It’s because of that Aeon, isn’t it?” asks Blade as he approaches you with Jing Yuan beside him.

You blink at Blade owlishly. It’s possible that it’s because of your communication with Nanook, but you didn’t want to make assumptions. Plus, prior to March and Dan Heng waking you up from your slumber, you didn’t see Nanook. In fact, you didn’t have a dream, nor were you in the very same void whenever you and Nanook communicated. 

Blade chuckles bitterly, shaking his head. “You don’t have to answer my question. I have a feeling that your loss of sleep is due to your interaction with Nanook,” says Blade. 

As much as you want to agree with Blade, you feel guilty for placing the blame for your lack of sleep on Nanook. All Nanook wanted to do was to see you and speak to you through your dreams because there was no way for Nanook to be there with you physically. Yet. Is it even possible for Nanook to be there with you physically outside of your dreams? Nanook is massive and covers the sun and sky.

You let out a long yawn and cover your mouth.

Someone chuckles. “Aw, it seems like the little one is tired. Aren’t you adorable?” the voice coos into your ears.

You stop mid-yawn and look around, searching for the source of the voice. Luocha, Blade, and Jing Yuan look at you worriedly as you whip your head around to look for the voice of the person.

“[Y/N]? Are you alright?” asks Jing Yuan, kneeling before you. “You look startled.”

You stop looking around. You clear your throat, nodding before resting your head on Luocha’s shoulders, sighing. You realize the voice is coming from inside of your head and that it’s most likely Nanook. If the voice inside your head is Nanook, you’re going to be speaking to the Aeon about it when you’re asleep. Nanook can’t pop in and out of your mind so suddenly without scaring you like that.

“So, March has given you guys my number. She didn’t inform me about it, but I did wake up to a series of text messages other than March slamming my bedroom door open,” you chuckle.

Luocha stands up from the bench and squats in front of you, gesturing for you to get on his back. You blink at the blond man before getting on his back, wrapping your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. Luocha stands straight and adjusts you on his back before walking over to where the others are standing, with Blade and Jing Yuan walking beside him. You tighten your grip around Luocha’s neck and rest your head on his shoulders, closing your eyes. 

“I was going to say that I was hoping our texting you didn’t disturb your slumber, but you already told us that you woke up to your phone chiming,” Luocha sighs, tightening his grip on your thighs.

You hum, snuggling against Luocha’s back. “It’s fine, really. I would rather wake up to text messages from you guys than March storming into my bedroom to wake me up. She said I take way too many naps,” you chuckle.

“I can hold your phone for you if you’d like. I worry you might drop your phone while holding onto Luocha,” Jing Yuan comments, reaching for your phone. “We wouldn’t want you to break your new phone, now, would we?” Jing Yuan asks, raising his eyebrows at you while poking your cheek. 

You hand Jing Yuan your phone, continuing to hold onto the blond man. Blade peeks at your phone and takes it from Jing Yuan’s hands, tapping on the screen to see a group picture of you and the Astral Express crew smiling at the camera. It’s a cute picture. But when Blade unlocked your phone (your password was predictable), a picture of you with Sampo and Gepard was the background for your home screen. 

“Who took these pictures?” asks Blade, holding your phone up to your face.

You squint and look at the home screen background. “March took the pictures! She’s my unofficial official photographer.”

Blade hums and begins scrolling through your gallery, narrowing his eyes at each photo that wasn’t a group picture. Most pictures look candid, while others look like it was taken without your knowledge. Especially the images of you sleeping in the indigo-haired man’s arms. Your phone buzzes, and a notification appears at the top of the screen.

‘1 Attachment from March (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ’

Blade clicks on the notification without thinking, and it takes him to the messages between you and March. The attachment was a picture of you getting a piggyback ride from Luocha. The photo was taken a few seconds ago. Blade looks up from your phone and makes eye contact with the pink-haired girl. March’s eyes widen, and she gives Blade a sheepish smile, hiding her phone behind her back while trying to act casual. Blade hands the phone back to Jing Yuan.

Jing Yuan huffs with amusement. “If you don’t mind, would you perhaps take pictures with us as well? I see you’ve been taking pictures with your traveling companions and friends from places you stop by,” says Jing Yuan.

You nod. “Of course we can! We can find a good place to take a picture. We need to let the others know about it first. After all, March is my unofficial official photographer!” you reply. 

When you, Luocha, Blade, and Jing Yuan approach the group, the others give you a questioning look while March has her hands crossed over her chest while staring at you. You give March a sheepish look and wave at her from behind Luocha. Mr. Yang walks up to you and hands you an Immortal’s Delight, causing you to perk up and grab the drink from his hands after saying ‘thank you.’

Luocha squats down, and you get off his back, sipping on the sugary drink. You’re really hoping the drink will keep you up for a little bit before returning to the Astral Express and calling it a day. You tapped March’s shoulders and informed her about wanting to take pictures with Jing Yuan, Blade, and Luocha. You and March were trying to think of places to take photos with the help of Dan Heng and Caelus giving suggestions. Sampo and Gepard walk up to Blade, Luocha, and Jing Yuan, eyeing the three men from head to toe. Blade raises his eyebrows, sizing the two men up. 

Blade points at Sampo. “What’s your association with [Y/N]?” Blade asks. “You seem quite close with [Y/N]. Do they mean anything to you by any chance?” 

Jing Yuan laughs and pats Blade’s shoulders before giving Sampo and Gepard an apologetic smile. “I apologize for Blade suddenly interrogating you about your association with [Y/N]. While we have met a few times, we’re curious about your relationship with [Y/N],” says Jing Yuan. “Well, Blade is more direct about it. As you can see.”

Gepard and Sampo look at one another, staring at the three men in silence. Were they supposed to tell the three strange men their association with you? If those three men (specifically Blade) are curious about it, they will talk to you about it. 

Luocha interjects, getting between the four tense men. “Gentlemen! Let’s save this conversation for later, shall we? I believe [Y/N] has picked out a place for the pictures,” says Luocha, laughing nervously while gesturing over in your direction. Luocha turns to look at Gepard and Sampo, bowing to the two men. “I apologize if they’re causing any hostile environment. I hope we can all get along.”

Jing Yuan blinks at Luocha, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not the one that’s creating a hostile environment. I believe it’s this one over here,” Jing Yuan says, gesturing toward Blade.

You and your traveling companions walk to where the five men are standing. In your hands, you’re holding two more Immortal’s Delight. The men raise their eyebrows at you while Sampo points at the sugary drinks in your hands. 

“Picture time! We have decided to take a picture in this one area of Central Starskiff Haven! Close to where they sell Immortals Delight!” You say, waving the drinks around before taking a sip from one of the cups.

Blade stares at you and then at the cup in your hands. “You’re not going to buy any more of those drinks, are you?” Blade asks, raising his eyebrows at you. 

You pursed your lips and slowly walked away. “I can’t promise you anything! If you want to start blaming someone, blame someone that introduced me to Immortals Delight,” you said. 

Upon arriving at the Central Starskriff Haven, you, Blade, Jing Yuan, and Luocha stand beside each other in front of the railing. Well, Luocha, Jing Yuan, and Blade are standing beside each other while you stand in front of the three men. March begins taking many pictures of you and the three men on your phone.

In the middle of the photo shoot (is it even a photoshoot?), Blade takes your Immortal’s Delight and begins drinking it. You turn to look at Blade with your mouth agape. The dark-haired man looks away from you and continues slurping the sugary drink without care. Your face pinches up with irritation before chasing Blade around Luocha and Jing Yuan. Jing Yuan and Luocha chuckle and try to get the two of you to stop before causing any more issues. 

“This is perfect! It captures their dynamic perfectly!” March says, continuing to snap many pictures of what’s happening.

Jing Yuan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Blade, give [Y/N] back their drink. It’s rude to drink something that doesn’t belong to you,” Jing Yuan chides.

“Yeah, Blade! Don’t be a jerk and give me back my drink!” You say, glaring at the dark-haired man and stopping in your tracks, placing your hands on your knees and panting. “If you make me chase for that drink, I will make you pay for it.”

“Oh? And how are you going to make me pay for it exactly?” Blade asks, raising his eyebrows at you.

You hold your hand out in front of you. Blade stares at you before holding your hand. You stare at your hands in Blade’s grasp. You drop his hands and huff. Luocha chuckles, giving Blade a teasing smile.

“It seems like you don’t understand what [Y/N] is implying. They want you to give them credit for the Immortal’s Delight, not you holding their hand,” Luocha interjects. “One drink costs about 3600 credits per drink. It is a bit pricey for one drink.”

Blade stares at Luocha with disbelief before handing you back your Immortal’s Delight. Your eyes light up, and you stick your tongue out at Blade before turning to look at your traveling companions standing across from you. You nearly drop your drink when you realize how many people had their phones out.

“Don’t mind us! We’re making sure we get good angles!” says March, holding both your and her phone up while continuing to take pictures of you and the three men.

Unbeknownst to you, the men before you took many pictures of you chasing the Stellaron Hunter. They made sure not to include the three men in the pictures because they were focused on capturing the moments when your eyes light up when Blade returns your drink. Who knew that the brightest star in the universe has tiny specks of stars in their eyes when they’re happy. 

Note: This fic is almost 10k words, and I'm surprised because I didn't think I could type this much with little to no sleep 💀 Since my finals are in three days, I will be posting mini-fics for the Genshin series and for the HSR series! I also realized that I had forgotten about Luka. Hopefully, I can post him in the next upcoming fic. Since I don't know much about him, I'll have to wing it. Also, if there are any errors, that is because I did type the fic half-asleep and while sleep-deprived 🥲 Taglist should be coming soon after finals week! Also, please look at an important note regarding posting works that are "inspired" by the fics I have posted [Important Notice]! To my new and/or returning readers, please keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Read more of my works on my Masterlist | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

[floydira]

I saw your request rules and I was wondering if you could do yandere Velvet? If not that's perfectly fine, take as much time as you need!

₊˚﹒✶﹒trolls headcanons .ᐟ

yandere velvet headcanon.

warning ; yandere behavior, mention of killing, obsessive behavior, all that jazz

her obsession with you started when she first met you. you are close with the two superstar siblings, velvet and veneer.

you had something that other people didn't have. that is, you could be straightforward and blunt with her without sugarcoating anything.

sure, she absolutely HATES criticism but coming from you, you just have something that makes it easier to tolerate for her.

after finishing her performance, she always comes to you to ask for your thoughts.

"how was it? I was amazing, wasn't I?" velvet would come to you with her smug tone.

if you give her praises and compliments, best believe she's going to be remembering that shit for life until she dies. hearing a compliment from you makes her kick her feet and giggle like a fangirl despite her being the superstar.

of course since you're close with the siblings, you talk to veneer a lot too. she loathed that. it's visible on her face too.

as much as she liked her brother(not much...), she'd rather he disappear just so she could hoard all your attention to herself.

she'll threaten veneer to stay away from you. knowing him, he'll definitely back off.

noticing veneer's distance from you, you wanted to come up to ask him why he's distancing himself from you or what's wrong, but velvet stopped you before you could.

"why are you going to him? don't you want to hangout with me?"

she'll give you her biggest puppy eyes.

she'll do all kinds of manipulative tactics to keep you by her side at all times.

she'd gaslight you into thinking you only need her.

"I have all the fame, money and love that you need, darling. can't you see that I'm the only one who cares for you? I take care of you, I keep you safe and love you dearly. who else would do that for you?"

once her manipulative tactics work, she'll grin evilly in front of the mirror.

"oh how I love being me!"

she has eyes on you, always. If you're going out with someone, talking to someone or just doing something in general, she'll know.

she'll pay professional paparazzis to secretly take photos of you. she'll threaten them if they ever try to tell anyone about her doing.

sometimes she'll pop out of nowhere and come up to you, especially if you're hanging out with someone else, as if she ended up meeting you by coincidence.

"oh! how nice to see you here, sweetie! who's...that imbecile little speck of dust?" she'll cheerily greet you before glaring at the person with you and looking them up and down with disgust on her face.

"why didn't you invite me along? don't tell me...is it because you're starting to hate me?!" she'll act like she's hurt and upset dramatically to guilt trip you.

spoils you a LOT. anything you want, she'll give it to you. "anything for you, dearie." she'll say with a lovesick look in her eyes.

if you come to watch her performances, she'll stare at you so obviously through the crowd. her eyes are all on you. as if her reason to perform is you, yourself. as if the performance itself is made for you.

she sees you as like a treasure, she needs you. she'll do anything to get you wrapped around her finger.

she's touchy, super touchy. she'll subtly put her hand around your waist, sit on your lap, lay her head on you, whatever she can to have a sense of your touch with hers.

she'll plan her way of asking you out, extravagantly. once she does, you're going to be swept off your feet. there is no way you're able to say no.

once you're official, she's all up on you. way more than she used to be. quite literally trapping you in her arms.

she has punishments for you if you do something she doesn't like.

"how unfortunate of you, sweetie...it's too bad you got too close with them. I'll have to punish you."

her punishments include some sharp carvings on your skin, mostly her name carved onto your skin.

overall, she's deathly obsessed with you and will kill you and herself included, if you ever try to leave her.

"I love you, I love you, oh I love you so much! you won't ever leave me right? don't ever leave me."

[perfectsunlight]

✧ 𝟬𝟳 ✧ nonchalant

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: n/a

⸺

𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 | 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 | 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁

there were very few things that made bada lee feel scared.

but she never thought an upset american girl would be one of them.

“leaving your things in my room is a bit childish, don’t you think?” bada’s tone was sarcastic, but laced with a hint of pointed blame at the younger girl. her back was leaning against the cement wall, arms folded against her chest in a manner only described as nonchalant. or at least, attempted nonchalance.

the older girl merely shrugged at y/n’s silence, her expression still unreadable. “apologies aren't really your thing, are they?” she remarked, a hint of amusement in her voice. "but don't worry, i'm used to it."

silence failed to fill the void because of y/n’s feisty remark. “oh that’s rich coming from you, don’t you think?” the younger girl hissed, pointing a finger up at the taller girl. it took every fiber in her being to not punch bada square in the face. 

the last time they were this close, she almost did.

bebe’s leader scoffed lightly, feeling her patience already wearing thin. y/n king always had a knack for making the waves choppy.

she narrowed her eyes slightly, scanning the younger girl’s face for any sign of emotion other than anger and annoyance. “why did you leave it there? because i know i didn’t grab it.” 

y/n’s expression hardened, her jaw set in defiance as she squared her shoulders. bada was entirely taller than she was, but the younger girl didn’t care. it wasn’t like it made her any less punch-able.

she was never scared of bada. not even now.

“and what if i did?” the younger shot back, her voice sharp with defiance. “what are you going to do about it?”

bada pushed herself off the wall and closed the distance between herself and the younger girl. the familiar scent of chanel perfume lingered in her nose before she leaned back slightly.  “you think you can intimidate me with a jacket?” she murmured, her voice low and almost scoffing.

“you're delusional, y/n.”

the american’s eyes narrowed, a cold smile playing at the corners of her lips. “am i?” she whispered, her voice light but dangerous. truth be told, bada was already anxious about this competition. but with y/n being in it?

she was terrified.

“we both know there's more between us than just a jacket.” 

bada's breath caught in her throat, a wave of conflicting past emotions washing over her. of course y/n would bring that up now.

“there is nothing between us,” she quickly stated, her voice strained but defiant.  “and what happened has got nothing to do with this competition.”

it almost felt like she lied through her teeth. but nevertheless, she was a leader. and team bebe needed her to focus on nothing else but the competition ahead.

silence passed between the two for less than a moment, and it almost felt like y/n was giving the older girl a chance to take back her words. 

needless to say, she didn’t. 

there were very few things that made bada lee feel scared.

but nothing scared her more than the upset american girl in front of her.

y/n's smile widened, a cruel glint in her eyes. if bada squinted, she could make out her own reflection in the younger girl’s eyes.

“oh, but it does," the american replied, her voice dripping with pure malice. it was a tone bada had never heard before, not from y/n or from anyone. it made her uneasy. it made her feel out of place.

it was an odd feeling, especially for someone of her caliber. but nothing made her blood run cold like the way y/n’s next words did.

“because this time, i'm going to make sure you lose everything.”

✧ 𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 ✧ ⸺ @10cmpulisic22 @zhivaxo @the2ndl @moonsvrse @arievlaw @awkwardtoafault @mightymyo @1luvkarina @jisooftme @angel-hyuckie @bangtancritterrrr @unforgivenangel @starchasermyloves @deadgirlwalking3 @cosettesrants @faatxma @santasbitch @jaeneohee @jxrdxnh @kaaylvst @jesuschrist2006 @enhapocketz @stinkbvgs @neuftaeng @sinifere @ocyeanicc @svt-rei @l-a-u-r-a--b @yunjinwrld @leo-dragon @phamminji

⸺ ✧ 𝗖𝗟𝗢𝗦𝗘𝗗 ✧ ⸺

[hyper-fixated-delusions]

Can we be lovers and friends?

Wanda Maximoff x Avenger fem!reader.

A/N: Y’all this was hard to post, I kept reading it and reading it over again, not really liking it cause I’m paranoid??? Haha but decided to post because why not! Also coming up with titles is so hard!?!?! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fluff piece, I apologize for any mistakes! :)

Warnings: Talks about drunk people, unwanted contact (not in a heavy way, but still a warning.)

Translation: “Detka.” Baby.

Word count: 2,860.

Masterlist.

It was a typical Friday night, the Avengers were gathered at their favorite bar in uptown, decompressing after a rather hectic week when Natasha Romanoff approached a sullen looking Wanda Maximoff.

"Hey Witchy, what's got you all grumpy?" Natasha teasingly asks the younger woman who is currently sporting an angry pout as she glares across the bar at two figures in the distance.

"I'm not grumpy," Wanda retorts, never removing her eyes from you as she answers Natasha. Eyebrows furrowing more than before as a woman rests her hand on your arm, "it's just, who even is that with Y/N," she says, arms crossing on her chest.

Natasha let's out a small laugh at the sight of her increasingly pouty friend, "no clue Wands, but maybe this is a sign for you to get off your ass and finally ask Y/N out, or like you're seeing now, someone will definitely sweep her off her feet," the older woman says, as she places a comforting hand on the Sokavian's shoulder.

"W-what?" Wanda sputters slightly, finally tearing her eyes off of you turning to look at her friend so fast she's surprised she didn't get whiplash, "Nat, what are you even talking about? I don't like Y/N, that's insane!" The younger girl says nervously.

Natasha chuckles at the younger girl's expression, her voice softening as she speaks, "Wanda, it's clear to anyone that has eyes and half a brain that you love each other, it's just you two idiots that have failed to realize your true feelings for the other," she says, squeezing her shoulder with a smile.

"Wait, she likes me?" Wanda asks, eyes wide in shock.

At this, the older woman laughs, her hands coming to her face in exasperation, "yes you dork! She loves you just as much as you love her. My goodness, it's so sickening to see! I seriously don't know how either of you haven't noticed, I mean with all the longing stares, the soft smiles thrown at each other when you guys think no one is watching, the overall adoration. Truly and unbelievably sickening!" Natasha says with a playful smirk.

"I-" Wanda begins, cutting herself short as she looks at you, standing across the bar, polite smile on your lips as the woman that is in front of you continues talking, "I don't think she likes me like that Nat," Wanda whispers, eyes looking at you sadly.

Natasha frowns at her friend's expression, her own eyes flitting towards you, not understanding why the brunette still looks so upset after she just revealed that you feel the same way for each other, "Wanda, I can assure you, she definitely likes you," Natasha says with conviction.

The younger girl sighs, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but maybe you've got it all wrong," she says, eyes casting down as she can longer stand to see someone else flirt with you.

At this, Natasha blows out a breath of air then says, "god, I have to do everything," and begins making her way towards you.

Wanda's eyes widen in surprise, "Natasha, wait!" She yells, her hand reaching out to stop the redhead, but it's too late. The woman is already walking towards you with resolve.

As you're listening to the woman that approached you at the bar drone on about who knows what, you notice a figure making its way towards you and you let out a sigh of relief as you realize who it is, "Nat, hey," you say softly, your eyes lighting up at the prospect of getting out of this unwanted conversation.

"Y/N/N," she greets with a smile, "it's getting late, we should start making our way over to the compound," the redhead says, smile widening as she notices your eyes soften in appreciation at her interruption.

"Okay, should I help you regroup?" You ask, looking at your mentor with a smile.

"Yes, let's gather everyone up so we can go," Natasha says, her eyes then glancing to the woman that was speaking to you, "I'll be taking this one off your hands now, we need to be going."

The woman pouts, "why so soon? We were just starting to get to know each other well," she whines.

Your brows crease for a second, then an awkward smile takes over your face as you try to hold back an incredulous look, you definitely weren't getting to know each other. "I know, I know and I'm sorry, but I really must go," you mutter, trying to sound as apologetic as you possibly can without actually feeling any kind of remorse, slowly trying to shuffle towards your mentor.

The woman sighs, "it's okay cutie, I know you're a superhero and you need your rest, so go," she says, as she leans forward grabbing your face to place a kiss on your cheek, causing you to go as stiff as a board at the unwelcome contact, her lips lingering on you longer than you'd like.

"Uh, thanks?" You say with confusion as soon as she pulls back, Natasha blinking, slightly bewildered at the woman's audacity.

"Come on," the redhead says a second later, composing herself immediately, grabbing your hand to pull you away from the woman.

"What the fuck," you mutter, as you're dragged by Natasha. Reaching Wanda you look at her with your eyebrows furrowed, "did you see that?" You ask your best friend, grimacing as you wipe your cheek.

"Yes," Wanda responds sadly, but you don't get to dwell on her response as she quickly moves away from you and makes her way around the bar with Natasha to gather the other Avengers so you can all make your way home.

Once the team has been gathered by the trio, you three make it a priority to make sure you all make it back to the compound safely.

When you arrive home you help your teammates into their sleeping quarters. Making sure they're taken care of as good as possible, setting aspirin and glasses of water down by the bedsides of those who will inevitably have hangovers in the morning.

As soon as you finish making your rounds, you make your way into the kitchen to pour yourself a glass of water and finally take a breather after the exhausting night you've had.

Granted you didn't drink or do much of anything at the bar like the rest of the team, but the social interaction of it all finally catches up with you, weighing you down.

As you stand in the kitchen, gripping the sink, head down in exhaustion, you hear steps make their way into the area causing you to stand up straight and look over your shoulder at the person walking into the space.

"Hey Max," you greet softly, as your eyes land on your best friend, "what are you still doing up?" You question, turning your body to face the woman.

Wanda smiles softly at the nickname, "I just came for a glass of water," she says, eyes observing your face, exhaustion written all over your features, "what about you? Are you doing okay?" She asks, a small frown of worry present on her face.

You lean against the kitchen sink, arms crossing on your chest, "I'm good," you smile tiredly, "although, as eventful as today was, I can't seem to fall asleep, so I thought taking a small breather and a glass of water would help," you chuckle.

Wanda nods in acknowledgment, as she makes her way through the kitchen, getting herself the glass of water she came for, standing across from you when she does, "yeah, I get what you mean," she says, taking a small sip of water, "today was something," she whispers, clearing her throat.

"You're telling me," you chuckle, shaking your head, "all I wanted was to hang out with you," you begin, missing the blush on Wanda's cheeks, "but I got bombarded at the bar and I just couldn't seem to get away. Like I know it comes with being an Avenger and all, but that woman would just not stop talking about herself and I couldn't find it in myself to politely pull away. Any time I tried, she would just put her hand on my arm and hold me there, it was truly uncomfortable," you rush out, looking at your best friend with a silly smile.

Wanda stares at you lovingly, then shakes her head after a minute, regaining composure, "wait, so you didn't like her?" She asks slowly.

You shake your head, "god no. I mean no offense to her, she was pretty I guess, but she's just not my type," you say with a casual shrug, "she was way too drunk. She kept talking about her ex the whole time, saying how dating an Avenger was for sure going to make him jealous. I didn't know how to tell her that I certainly did not want to date her. Thank god for Natasha, she came at the right moment to intervene," you smile.

Wanda lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding and says, "but she kissed you," her eyebrows furrowed at the memory.

You shiver slightly and say, "yeah, she did. But it definitely wasn't welcome. I think she was too drunk to realize what she was doing," you grimace, and with Wanda's silence you decide you should bid her goodbye and head to your room, "anyway, it's late, we should get some sleep, goodnight Wands," you whisper, moving forward to hug your best friend.

As soon as she's in your arms, Wanda all but melts into the embrace, your towering frame causing her head to rest comfortably against your chest.

After standing in each other's arms for a few minutes Wanda pulls back slightly to look up at you, her green eyes shining with something you've never seen before and maybe it's the calm and the quiet, maybe it's your exhaustion, maybe it's the feelings you've pushed down one too many times. You're not quite sure what it is, but you lean down and press your lips softly against Wanda's, a sigh escaping her as your lips lightly brush.

Soon after your brain catches up with your body and you pull away immediately, "oh my god, shit Wanda, I am so sorry, I didn't-" you begin rambling, but your words are cut off by Wanda pulling your face down to hers to meet your lips in a passionate kiss, both of your feelings pouring into this long awaited moment.

As soon as lack of air becomes an issue, you both reluctantly pull away, "wow," you whisper, eyes closed, a dopey smile on your face that causes Wanda's heart to flutter and laughter to bubble out.

"Wow indeed," she whispers back, an enamored look in her eyes as she waits for yours to open.

Once you open your eyes, you look at your best friend in a whole new way, "wait, does this mean what I think it means?" You ask softly, wanting to confirm that your best friend does indeed feel the same way that you feel for her.

Wanda laughs softly, "if this is your way of asking me if I'm in love with you, then yes, that's exactly what it means," she says, lightly biting her lip, causing your eyes to cast downwards in distraction.

"I can't believe this," you say after a moment, "I was so afraid to admit that I love you in fear that you'd reject me and I'd ruin our friendship, but you love me?" You ask with a big grin.

Wanda's hands cup your face softly as she looks into your bright eyes, "yes detka, I'm in love with you," she beams, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your cheeks, "I think I have been for 2 years, but I guess I just admitted it to myself today after seeing that woman flirt with you, and maybe also with a little help from Nat," she mutters the last part shyly.

You let out a laugh at the sight of Wanda's reddened cheeks and pull her in by the waist, her arms automatically encircling your neck, "I love that woman, who knew she’d be such a matchmaker," you smile widely, "we should definitely thank her when we see her tomorrow," you say softly, as you lean your forehead on Wanda's, getting lost in a sea of green.

"No need," you hear a voice say from the shadows, and both you and Wanda pull away from each other to stand side by side. "I'm amazing, I know," Natasha says with a slight smirk as she walks into the kitchen. "Also I'm glad you two idiots have finally confessed your feelings for each other," she says as she stands in front of you and Wanda, "I'm happy for you both, you deserve this," Natasha smiles, placing a hand on each of your shoulders, "also Wanda don't hurt Y/N," your mentor tells the brunette seriously, maintaining eye contact for longer than you'd like as you see Wanda slightly begin to fidget.

"Okay Nat, I think she gets it," you cut in with a small, nervous chuckle. Reaching for the redhead's hand that's on your shoulder to squeeze and hold.

Wanda smiles at you appreciatively, then at Natasha a second later, "Y/N/N, it's okay, I see where she's coming from, she's been your mentor for longer than I've known you, she's just looking out for you," the brunette says, "thanks for looking out for her Nat," Wanda whispers honestly.

Natasha nods with a small smile on her face.

Then suddenly she turns to look at you with a serious glare, the action causing you to drop her hand and step back a little in surprise and slight fear, "and you," Natasha begins, pointing a finger at your chest, "you better not hurt her either. I know that you mean well most of the time and that things easily go over your head," she says and you pout.

"Rude," you mutter.

"But please, don't be an idiot, be rational. Always remember, both of you, that communication is key, talk things out before jumping to conclusions, listen to what the other has to say and all that good stuff because this is the last thing I will say to you both as relationship advice or whatever. So please, don't hurt each other, be mindful of one another and for all that is holy, use protection," she ends with a smirk as she sees both you and Wanda stutter, faces flushed red in embarrassment.

"Mom," you whine jokingly, causing Natasha to let out a laugh. "Thanks Natty," you say after a brief moment, pulling the shorter woman into your arms, "for everything," you whisper, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek. "Also, we're both girls, so protection doesn't really work that way, I can't even get her pregnant. So really, you're worrying for nothing, we're all good on that front. But also you don't even know if Wanda wants children, like what if she wants to have my-" you begin rambling, but Wanda's hand on your mouth stops you.

"W-wait, no. We're not- we haven't-," Wanda stutters, shaking her head, "I- what I'm trying to say is, thank you Nat," Wanda smiles with flushed cheeks.

Natasha laughs at both women in good nature, "no problem kiddos, now get some rest, it's late," the redhead says as she walks towards her sleeping quarters.

Wanda removes her hand from your mouth when Natasha is out of ear shot and slaps your arms softly, "oh my god, you're such an idiot," she blushes.

You laugh as you pull her into your arms to stop her assault, "what? What'd I do?" You ask teasingly, "what I said was valid, or what you don't want to have my kids?" You squint playfully causing Wanda to hide her face in her hands as you move forward to hug her, swaying your bodies from side to side lightly in jest.

"Oh my god," the brunette groans, "I am not having this conversation with you right now," she says rolling her eyes as she moves back to grab your hand to pull you to her room.

"So when, tomorrow morning?" You continue teasing.

"No, shut up," she continues grumbling, causing you to laugh.

"Okay, so wait then, where are we going?" You ask.

"To my room," Wanda says still dragging you.

"To make babies?!" You ask excitedly as she pulls you through her door.

"I hate you," she mutters red in the face and you let out an even louder laugh.

"I love you too sweetheart," you say, as you bring her into you to kiss her softly.

When you pull away Wanda looks at you with a smile, "I love you, now it's time to sleep," she says as she pulls you to bed.

After a few minutes of peace and quiet, Wanda thinking you're already asleep. You sit up slightly to teasingly whisper into her ear from behind, "so do you want to have my kids?" Causing Wanda to groan as she shoves your face away from her.

[munariplans]

is there someone else? part 3 | natasha romanoff

synopsis: part 3 to is there someone else?

natasha romanoff x reader | slight wanda maximoff x reader

word count: 9.6k words

read part 1 and part 2 here.

masterlist

natasha woke to the sound of wheels skidding on the road before the cabin, before they ended on the gravel right outside. it took her a few moments to gather her surroundings, she had fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for you after all, before heading outside to check the commotion. 

what she did not expect was for you to be sitting by the front porch, the old, beaten-up porsche parked haphazardly by the gravel with the engine running, and a bottle of tequila by your side. she took another look at you, then at the car, and sighed in worry. 

rushing forward to switch the engine off, natasha knew being angry with you was not the right approach at that moment. “jesus, were you drunk driving?”

you shrugged. “maybe. still got home, though.”

the woman before you fought the urge to scream. the morning sun was due to rise anytime soon, the golden beginning to bleed into the warm planks of the porch. you were sat by the edge, still shrouded in the remaining comfort of the night. natasha pulled the ends of her robe closer, hand over her bump, and finally sat next to you. 

“i can’t believe–”

suddenly the bottle was slammed between the both of you, causing natasha to jump and stop herself mid-sentence. “yes, i drove to the store to get tequila, and yes, i was drinking it on the drive back. and yes, i am probably drunk right now. i know i was wrong, it was dangerous, so you can save the lecture you’re going to spew and head back inside if you’ve only come out to get mad at me again.”

Natasha didn’t need to voice out her worry, or disagreement, for you to know that your words had been mean, and unnecessarily hurtful; because in the next moment, you dropped your head between your knees, and shook it in disappointment.

Instead, Natasha could only think about how badly she had screwed up, to make the monster that you were before her then. How she treated you, transformed you, from a person everyone at SHIELD knew as a steadfast anchor; an agent with skills like no other, and a heart more kind and warm than anyone she knew, to an irresponsible drunk that worried too much in your last missions together, a workaholic with a temper she had grown slightly afraid of recently. Natasha felt like she was to blame for everything. 

For a while, the woman sat with you in silence, only the brief gusts of wind howling in the distance and the crickets by the forest accompanying the both of you. She was getting cold, but refused to leave you alone out there for the night. 

Finally, she heard a faint I’m sorry from your face hidden between your knees, and dared to reach out to pat your back gently. It prompted you to continue. 

“I’m so sorry, Nat,” she could hear the heartbreak in your voice, “I’m so sorry you ended up with me; that you have to deal with someone like me as a partner. I don’t know where we went wrong, I don’t know what’s happened to us, but I…I know we fucked up. I’ve become everything I told myself I would never be when I fell in love with you, and I’ve hurt you so much to the point where you’re crying almost every night because of me, because of my stupid actions and what they’ve caused to you and our little one.”

You looked up at her then, and under the moonlight, your tears looked almost ethereal to Natasha. “I never meant to hurt you, and I hate that it’s come to this now; where we can’t even resolve a disagreement without arguing or resenting one another. We are walking on eggshells around each other, Nat, and this…whatever this is…is tearing us apart.” 

When the woman remained quiet, you croaked with, “Tell me what’s wrong with us, Nat.” 

She found your gaze, and her eyes were glassy and red too. Natasha shook her head, and withdrew the hand from your back to hold herself. With more despondence in her voice than you had ever heard, she said, “I just…I just feel you don’t love me anymore.” 

“That cannot be more untrue,” you interjected. “I know…I know I still love you.”

“Maybe your mind knows, but does your heart say the same?” 

“Of course, I…” At the disbelieving look on Natasha’s face, you grew desperate, “...Natasha, of course I love you. I want this marriage to work, I want us to work. I know I’m not the best at showing my love for you but…I whisper I love you, when you’re in another room, when you’re asleep, when you have headphones on, every time you look at me. My heart whispers that it loves you. I’m trying, Natasha, I try and try–”

“–Trying? You have to consciously put in effort into caring about me?”

“Am I wrong for wanting to put effort into us? Wanting to care about you?”

“No, but it should come naturally. It’s like you’re convincing yourself to be in love with me.”

“That’s not what I meant. I know that I love you. I’ve known from the very start, from before Clint pulled that arrow, from when I first saw you, even from when I was first handed your file. I knew you were going to be the one to change my life. I just…” you shut your eyes, bracing yourself, “...You hurt me. You’ve hurt me so much this past year and a half, and I can’t help but push you away when you do.”

“Hurt you…?”

Natasha looked more confused than ever, and you didn’t know whether to sigh or scream. “Natasha, I know, trying for a baby is hard. IVFs are hard, relationships are hard. But when you get upset and pin the blame and anger on me when things don’t work out…it forces me to shoulder all the burden in this relationship. I just feel so helpless all the time, because you keep shutting me out, and you keep letting your own insecurities of Wanda, and everyone else, get the better of us. 

All of this is scary for me too. I’m learning to be a better person, and parent, too. But some nights you yell and scream at me and I sit there and take it because I know you are having a hard time, but these things get harder and harder to look through and swallow when you basically deduce that that is all I am worth to you now. I know it’s unfair to ask, but I’m sure you know you haven’t been treating me the same, and I want to at least know why, so we can fix this. I want to fix this.”

Swallowing, you watched the mess of red hair before you blew in the wind, Natasha’s face almost identical in colour with how hard she was crying, too. It took a few minutes for her to gather her thoughts, before she spoke, “I’m just scared that you’ll one day wake up and realise that you deserve better, and when you do, you’ll leave me and I’ll return to the monster I was in the Red Room. I won’t have your patience, your love, to guide me to be a better person, and everything good about it will return to you, where they came from. 

I know you, and I know the way you are. We’ve been married for so long, but I know you would still sacrifice your own happiness, your own future, your everything, to make life easier for me, You never put yourself and what you want first; you’re always too kind, too considerate, too stupid to see that you’re not even happy with the situations you land yourself in because of your kindness. 

I mean…you married me, when nobody else would even spare me a glance in the compound when I first arrived, because who would want the dirty KGB agent that defaulted and still tried to kill the very own rescuers tasked to kill her? You held back Clint’s arrow from flying towards my head, you spared me because you somehow thought I was worth saving, and you smiled at me, nodding your head and whispering it’s okay while I was trying to squeeze the life out of you with my hands around your neck. Who does that? Who lets their target try to kill them and be so willing to die for someone they thought needed to be saved?

And you married me. So readily, without a second thought or consideration towards what it would mean for your reputation, your future, in SHIELD. You could have refused Fury’s request, let me get sent back to the KGB, let me get executed, and you wouldn’t be affected in any way, shape or form. But you married me, in that stupid courthouse in the stupid part of town with Fury as our witness and the priest who knew you deserved better than some Russian assassin who needed a green card. And you kissed me, and let me strangle you again that night, threatening that I would never, ever fall for someone as dumb, and kind, as you, while you still laid back on the bed, face already purple and prepared to die if I had just held on for a second too long. 

And now, I’m just afraid you’re doing it again, staying with me just because I am with child, when you know you could be happier somewhere else, with someone else. You chose to be responsible, and not happy. You want a child, but you don’t want this child. Not with me, you don’t want me. I fooled myself into thinking anyone does. You are not an exception, you are just too nice to do anything otherwise.” 

“So what, you’re just going to delude yourself into thinking that you not being around would somehow magically make my life better?” You shot back bitterly, the liquor fuelling the anger simmering at her declaration. 

“If it makes you happy!” Natasha replied, “I love you so much, I would rather let you go and be happy with someone else than tying you down here with me. You said it yourself, I hurt you, I’m a horrible partner to be around, and in my pursuit of what I wanted, I never considered that you were there hurting, too. You are the first and only person I have ever loved so deeply, so…so even if it breaks my heart into a million pieces and turns me irrevocably into something I swore I would never go back to…I would let you go if you wanted to leave. I don’t want to see you like this, in pain just for the sake of staying with me.”

Natasha watched you sink deeper into your knees, sobs she so rarely heard coming out raw and guttural from your throat. And then, for the first time in a long, long while, Natasha felt you embrace her first, arms clinging on to her body as if she would dissipate any second, as if you were afraid she was going to be torn from your reach. 

“Please don’t make me go,” she heard against your cries, “Please. Please. I love you. And I want this, I want this with you, everything with you. I don’t want to go. Please let me fix this, please don’t push me away, please forgive me.”

To even hear your declaration of love for her, of your want to still be around and to fix whatever that had been tearing the both of you apart, was all that Natasha ever wanted to hear. No matter the circumstances, no matter the hurt and pain, she always found it hard to stay angry at you for long, and the absolute desperation in your voice and your arms around her were already signs she knew you could never disguise to gain sympathy from her. Natasha knew you. 

She only wished she had known all of it earlier. “You know I have always just wanted you. I want you around, by me, for the rest of my life.”

“You already have me, all of me. From the very start, Natasha.” 

“But I need that you back. I know I have my own flaws, and you have to tell me how I can fix them, but I need the you that I fell in love with. I just need my wife back; you need to prioritise me, this, us, right now, because I can’t do this alone. Me and baby, we need you to be the anchor you have always been for me, darling, because above all, we need to be a team for our little one. They need you more than I need you, so even if you can’t do it for me, please, do it for them. 

And I need you to be open with me. No more secrets, no more hiding. I want all of you; your pain, your sorrows, I agreed to them in our vows, remember? You need to talk to me when things get rough, if I get rough. I know you’re one of the Avengers’ and SHIELD’s strongest leaders, nobody doubts that, but even the strongest need someone to fall back on and be vulnerable too. You need to let me be that person, okay?”

Natasha was rubbing your back then, being the one holding you up when the roles were usually reversed. She had hoped she wasn’t asking for too much, that your love for her would allow you to put your pride down and actually agree to her terms, and she was right. In the next moment, she felt you nod against her. 

“Okay.” 

“You can start by telling me what’s wrong now, and what I need to fix from my end.”

You returned to your seat beside her then, tossing the tequila casually into the trash nearby, and took a moment to consider what you wanted to say. Natasha held your hand in reassurance. 

Then, you squeezed her hand back, your touch warm and encouraging. “If you get scared, or worried, or angry, you need to tell me what it is that is bothering you. Don’t bottle it in, Nat. It’ll only grow and manifest until it becomes too big to control and you can only let it out in anger at me. If we want to get through it, you need to tell me, and we’ll work through it together. 

I know you’re afraid, when we first started discussing if we wanted kids, you were reluctant that you were going to be a bad mother, but I never doubted you for a second. Everyone gets scared, Nat, but I’m here for you, just as you are for me. Anything, anything at all, you come to me. I will do everything I can in my power to protect you and our child. It’s just you and me, it will always be you and me.”

Your wife let out a small smile, brimming of hope, and love, for your future. 

“We’ll both do our best for our little one?”

“Of course. And for us, too.”

“One last thing.”

“Anything.”

“No more drunk driving.”

–

When she finally coaxed the both of you back to the house, Natasha asked if you wanted to see something, and as she led you to the bedroom and told you to stand behind her in the full body mirror, you had an inkling of what she was going to do. However, it could not compare to the warmth that spread through your body, the skipping of your heartbeat, when Natasha put her hands over yours, and led them to the bump you spotted just hours earlier. 

She giggled as you dropped to your knees in front of her, and pressed kisses all over the bump, before capturing her own lips with yours and whispering I love yous through the night.  

–

Natasha only realised that you had driven the both of you to the site of your very first date when you pulled into the parking lot of the Met, exactly five years after the date itself. You smiled when she let out a small gasp at the realisation, when she held your hand excitedly as you paid for the tickets, even more so when she began leading you down the exact route the both of you had taken for your first official date then.

It was after a mission where Natasha finally realised that she had caught feelings for you, where you guessed she had only done so after the countless times you had pulled her back from reckless moves that would have killed her in her rookie missions, or where you willingly jumped in front of enemy fire when she so clearly had not trained her senses to missions yet. 

Natasha remembered it quite differently. It was the mission where the both of you were alone, and she had seen you smile and laugh at something she said so happily, so free, as if you saw her as something other than the defaulted ex-KGB she knew everyone still regarded as. You had always reserved a special smile for her, she knew this, and everyone had told her that even though she would never return your feelings, you had undeniably been in love with her ever since you saw her, but this time, it was different. For some reason, this time, everything seemed to fall into place. You, whizzing past the New York skyline and swinging the both of you home as Natasha latched on, laughing at her still getting used to the speed and height of how fast you were flying, her body pressed on yours and hearing your heartbeat beating steadily to match hers, Natasha knew something was amiss when her own heartbeat began to quicken. 

That very same night, after you had patched up her wounds and began to pack to retreat and sleep in your own bedroom, Natasha knew she had to do something before her heart felt like it was going to burst. 

“Wait,” she held your wrist, and against your confused look to see if you had missed an injury, she continued with, “I want to try something.”

Before you could ask what, her lips were on yours, for the very first time since your wedding day, the taste of cherry and blood infiltrating your senses. Natasha’s eyes were shut, her lips unsure, but when you reciprocated and deepened the kiss, her hands abruptly pushed you back, disconnecting the both of you.

“Thanks, you can go back now.”

Natasha didn’t leave you to worry, and wonder very long of course. Because while you lay awake in bed that night more confused than ever, she barged into your bedroom, and declared, “I have two tickets to the Met tomorrow. I’ve never gone before, and I would really like to go. Do you want the other ticket?”

The nonchalance, yet shakiness in her voice that you could tell after spending so much time together, almost made you want to laugh, if it had not puzzled you even further. “I…”

She took your momentary confusion as rejection, however, as a flash of hurt appeared on her face, before she turned and said, “Never mind, forget it. I’ll go by myself tomorrow.”

That had you jumping out of bed quicker than you had ever done before, as you prevented the door from slamming, and held her hand back. “Wait, Nat, you didn’t really give me a chance to answer!”

At her eyebrow quirk and invitation for you to continue, you chuckled, and showcased your smile, the special smile Natasha knew was reserved just for her, and said, “Of course I want the other ticket. We’ll go together.”

There it was. The feeling of her heart going to burst again. It had happened on the way home, had multiplied during the kiss, felt like it was legitimately going to burst right then. 

Natasha fought the smile creeping onto her face, as she coolly replied, “Great. It’s a date. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” 

“Great,” you breathed, feeling like you were dreaming, “I’ll see you…tomorrow.”

Natasha shut the door to your bedroom, retreated to hers, and the squeal that left her then felt almost inhuman. 

Though, at the date itself, Natasha wondered if you had even enjoyed yourself, or learnt anything from the artwork, when she caught you looking and smiling at her more times than you were even looking at the art. 

Fast forward five years later, you hadn’t changed; as Natasha gawked and tried discussing with you on symbolism and technique, only to fail and sigh in faux irritation as you were too preoccupied admiring her instead. 

–

And in the less happy moments, you were there to quell the fear that had replaced Natasha’s anger. After the museum date, and a very heavy lunch where you had ordered half the menu to satisfy Natasha’s cravings, she had taken to the bathroom to freshen up first. 

But when nearly ten minutes passed with no indication of her presence in the bathroom, you thought it was reasonable to get worried, given her current state. So giving the door a few soft knocks, you were surprised that it creaked open, not even closed or locked. 

And you were even more surprised, perhaps a little disappointed, to see Natasha still standing over the bathroom scale, frowning as she tried to look over her bump at the numbers below. 

She noticed your presence, noticed you leaning against the sink as you entered, unsure of what to say to her, but all Natasha could zero in on was the additional two kilograms that she had put on, another spike from the previous week.  

“Why’d you order so much earlier?” She whispered, half angry at herself, half afraid that you had noticed the weight gain far earlier than she had. 

But Natasha knew the answer was not in blaming you, not anymore, she had sworn, as immediately after, an apologetic look appeared on her face and you moved forward with bringing her off the scale. Shoving it right under the bathtub again, you brought her to face the mirror, and smiled convincingly. 

“It’s completely normal,” your lips moved to the space between her neck and shoulder, pressing feather-light kisses, “To grow for our baby.” 

“Not this fast, not this much,” Natasha rebutted. “Two kilograms since last week is too much.”

You allowed yourself to chuckle against her skin. “Maybe our little one is a big eater.”

“Or their mother is a fat cow who can’t even control her urges–”

“–Natasha.” Your voice had suddenly dropped, eyes meeting hers in the mirror. The smile on your face was gone, replaced with a dangerous glare she had often seen before you took down million dollar organised crime institutions. She groaned, feeling your grip around her tighten. “Don’t ever say that about yourself ever again.”

There were tears hot behind her eyes, but Natasha choked down her sob with, “I’m just afraid you won’t find me attractive anymore…at the end of all of this…when I’ve become so…different…from what I used to be, from what my body used to be. I mean, I know what I was, I know I have always used my body to get what I needed in the past, and even since the Avengers and SHIELD, it has never changed. Until now. Even Ward said it, you know? When he told you you struck gold—”

Fuck. You knew that was going to come back to bite you, and it did, astronomically. You shut your eyes then, shaking your head and trying to stop the river of regret of not punching his face right then and there overwhelm your senses. He was your friend, one of your oldest at it, but Natasha was your wife, and you should have done better for your wife. 

“–Fuck Ward. He was drunk, and I should have beat the shit out of him when he said all those things about you.” You knew it was completely your fault that Natasha was even feeling like this, that the tears streaming down her face then was because of the insecurities you instilled in her. 

“He’s somewhat right, but–”

“–No, he’s not,” you interjected, “He’s a piece of shit, that’s what he is. I was too tipsy to really take in his words then, and he had me cornered in front of everyone. I was a coward, and didn’t say anything when he was insulting your name in front of me. Fuck, I’m so sorry, Nat.” 

Natasha’s lips trembled as her hands laid over yours, and you sighed in frustration. “You know that what he says is not reflective of what I think of you, right? That I never, and I would never, think of you in that way. Your body growing, changing, will never deter what I feel for you. You are beautiful, Nat, a little extra weight is not going to undo five years of my love just like that.”

She sighed, still in worry, when you slowly reached further up her shirt, slipping your hands underneath  and holding the breasts she had been complaining had hurt for the past few weeks. “And you know these are growing too, which is a major plus for me.” 

“Ugh,” Natasha gave an annoyed look, hiding the hint of a smile, “Do you always have to ruin the moment?” 

But the woman certainly did not complain when you turned her right around, and began worshipping her body the way she deserved to be worshipped. 

–

Of course, not every part of Natasha’s change with her body was as harmless as a little weight gain. Her back hurt, she was having trouble going to the toilet most days, and most of all, the breasts that you admired growing so much, were giving her the hardest time of her days thus far. 

Inevitably, she was cranky. Twice she had caught herself from snapping at you for trying to initiate intimacy in the mornings, and when she painfully rolled over to alleviate the tension in her back, she had left you a little hurt and concerned. But you were merely brushed off with a I’m still sleepy, or not now, and you had no choice but to leave her be. 

By the time she had showered in the morning and headed to the bedroom to change, you watched as she slipped off her robe and grabbed the hoodie you put on her the very day you and Clint rescued her (which never returned to your own closet ever since), but when the thick fabric touched her skin and weighed her down, she flinched and sighed in discomfort. This time, you got up from the bed to hold her hands, massaging them too. 

“What’s hurting you?” You asked, assessing her body to see if there were visible signs of injury, to which there were none.

She shrugged, looking away. It was so stupid to feel burdened by this, Natasha thought. She was an assassin, and an Avenger, for Christ’s sake. God forbid she was losing a battle with her own body in pregnancy. You would think of her as weak, and incapable of raising a child without shouldering so much hardship, she considered, and a new fear crept within. “I’m fine.”

“Do you really want to play this game with me, Nat?” You prompted again, an eyebrow raised this time. “You know you can’t hide these things from me.”

“I can try,” she let out a smirk, to which you pressed down a little harder on her knuckle and she cursed, before lowering her head in shame, reaching out to pull you in for an embrace. You obliged, and with her face smushed into your shirt, she mumbled, “They hurt. My breasts hurt.”

“Oh.” You looked down to her eyes searching yours for signs of rejection, or amusement, that she was unable to hide pain as trivial as this, but you were serious. And then, you brought her in closer, and she sighed in happiness at the feeling of being held.

“My bras are all a little too tight now. Even the loosest hooks press against them too hard,” Natasha indulged, relieved that you were nodding in understanding. 

Finally, you asked, “You still up for your ice cream cravings from last night?”

“Mm,” she replied, “I dreamt of butterscotch last night, of course.”

At your chuckle, Natasha smiled, the sound of your laughter music to her ears as you began leading her down to the car to head out. 

But what Natasha didn’t expect, as she held onto her butterscotch cone while you helped hold her other flavour in your hand, was for you to bring her to a maternity shop by the mall, a personal assistant already greeting the both of you as she entered. 

She looked at you in surprise when the assistant led her to a section further down the shop, and you shrugged and said, “Figured you needed some new bras, my hands aren’t enough support.”

Rolling her eyes, Natasha quickly let go of your arm as the assistant began pushing forth recommendations for softer, more comfortable bras for the rest of her pregnancy. She was grateful to you, as she sighed in relief at the instant comfort and support the new ones provided, while you sighed in contentment watching her try them on in the fitting room. 

“I’ll make you even happier than you were in that fitting room, tonight,” she whispered as you paid, a smirk growing on your lips right after. 

–

Though, as the shop assistant busied you with offering promotions and memberships while you paid, Natasha roamed around, and spotted a small rack of magazines right by the counter. Clearly a tabloid highlight, she skimmed the magazines for any good ones to bring home, when her eyes were caught in a particular tabloid; one with yours and Wanda’s faces splashed right at the cover. 

Her heart sinking, she picked it up immediately, and the headlines were not much more forgiving. Exclusive scoop: Illicit affairs even in superhero assemblies; will the Scarlet Witch tear down every family she is accepted to? 

Quickly flipping through the pages, Natasha scanned a quick analysis of yours and Natasha’s relationship, and eventually, reached the looming question of your marriage, and its legitimacy. They then showed the progression of yours and Wanda’s closeness that was not invisible even to the public, and the chemistry the both of you radiated onto each other. The next few pages held her compared side by side with Wanda, including her looks and abilities compared to the Scarlet Witch’s, and even a trivia to which one of them the reader would choose if they were you. 

It made Natasha sick to the core. It seemed as if everyone could see it, everyone but her, that Wanda was the better option. Not her, never her. Anybody but her. Obviously, she was so much younger, much more worthy of your companionship, much more deserving of your love. Whatever good had come from the day had vacated, as a permanent frown began to creep its way onto Natasha’s face, and an icy cold feeling crept onto her hands. 

Her ears were ringing, and when you called out to her, she had frozen in place with the inability to hear anything but her own deprecating thoughts. You got worried then, and quietly excused yourself from the assistants to walk up to her. 

When your arms wrapped around her waist a few moments later, and the magazine was taken from her hands to be brought back to the shelf, Natasha felt herself physically trembling. 

“Let’s go home,” was all you said, as you led her out of the shop, arm still around her waist as Natasha felt the world disappear from her own reality. 

–

In the car, however, you made sure she was comfortable, before holding her hand reassuringly, and convinced her to look at you. 

“Natasha.”

“Mm,” she tried to avert her gaze to the window behind you, but you were firm. Even though there were tears in her eyes then, you remained strong and continued. 

“I need to tell you something, and I know you will get angry, and very upset with me, but I hope…I hope you will understand, and you will forgive me. So we can move past this, together.”

At her nod, you declared, “I had feelings for Wanda, for a while in our relationship. It was when things were at the lowest between us, and I felt all hope was lost, when…when it was just a while before and during your announcement of the pregnancy.”

Natasha bit her lip, trying to withdraw her hand from yours, but you held on. “But those feelings have long dissipated, Natasha. Trust me, you are all I want, all I love now. 

I admit, the night we had that talk, with my drunk driving and stupid decisions, I…I thought of calling her. It felt like you had given up on me, I thought I should give up on our relationship, and…and I was exhausted and stressed. But the phone rang, and I saw you there, you and our baby asleep on the sofa, and…my whole future was there. I saw only you and our child, Natasha, nobody else. I couldn’t do it, I hung up the phone right when she picked up, and my feelings for her died with the urge to start something I knew I would regret. 

I recognise my mistakes, I know, I was a shitty wife and an even more horrible person, for even thinking of doing that to you, and I understand if you need space after this. But I just want you to know, Natasha, that you are the one I love, you are the one I would choose everyday, and nobody compares to you. I was stupid for even thinking there could be a possibility otherwise, I know it now. No one else makes my heart beat as fast as you do, no one else I would love the way I love you.”

The paper bag in Natasha’s lap crinkled as she adjusted her thighs, the swipe of her hands against her tear-stained cheeks sounding like a harsh slap as she let go of yours. You watched as she faced the door of the car then, refusing to make eye contact. 

“Natasha–”

“–Just…drive home. I need time, and space.”

Watching her retreat straight into the bathroom and hearing her retching right as you reached home, you knew that telling Natasha had been the right thing; you just wished the right thing did not have to be so difficult then. 

—

For the better part of the rest of the day, Natasha avoided you as much as she could, staying in the bedroom while you spent time simmering in your guilt. Look at the consequences of your actions. Made your wife cry, yet again. Made her feel less of herself, yet again. Natasha was too good to you, and you knew it. 

You brought her dinner as a peace offering. Knocking softly on the door of the bedroom, you could hear the sheets rustling as you said, “I’ve made dinner. Do you want to eat it inside?” 

A yes was heard, and you tentatively opened the door to find Natasha still under the sheets, face not visible. She pulled them up even higher as you set down the plate by her vanity table, and even though you wanted to say something, anything, to get her to even look at you, you knew better. 

Another soft click was heard as the door shut behind you, and Natasha continued to let the waterworks run. 

–

At night, you asked if you could enter the bedroom again, to which Natasha said yes. She was sitting on the bed this time, eyes still red, but at the very least not crying anymore. It was nearly time for bed, and in her nightgown, she watched as you went to your side of the bed, and picked up your pillows and a spare blanket. 

“Where are you going?” She asked, putting down her book. Her voice was still throaty. 

“The couch?” You answered, a little confused that she thought you would be anywhere else. “Do you…want anything? Before bed?”

Usually you fixed her a hot glass of milk before bed, or the occasional decaffeinated tea to help her sleep better. But tonight you were unsure of any move you should make in order not to upset her even further, and skipped out on the ritual. 

Natasha took a while to consider her next words, and you were prepared to head to the kitchen to steam the milk for her, when she patted the space beside her, and said, “Stay. Sleep here tonight.”

“Nat, I really don’t mind sleeping on the couch if you’re not comfortable–”

“–Stay. I want to sleep next to you tonight.”

You nodded, fighting off the grateful smile on your face, and ensured there was as much space as possible between the two of you as you laid down on the bed, just in case. 

A few minutes passed, you wide awake and listening to Natasha’s breathing. Recently, it was a habit that you had begun doing; Natasha was afraid of falling asleep alone, and her nightmares did not help with her insomnia either. You always waited for her to fall asleep first, no matter the circumstances, no matter how tired you were. 

Her breathing slowed to even intervals, but never slow enough to indicate she was asleep. And then, she whispered in the dark, “Can you look at me, darling?” 

You rolled over to face her, and your heart squeezed at the sight of her crying again. She reached out for your hand, you gave it to her willingly, and she brought it to her bump, squeezing it in fear that you might let go of her. 

“I know, there are better women out there for you. I know, that I am not the most attractive, or the easiest to be with. I know I get mad at you when I so often encounter problems that I should be more mad at myself with, I know you know yourself that you could have done so much better than just…me. I practically stole the rest of your future away, with my problems and my need to escape the KGB. You could have settled down with someone better, someone like Wanda, maybe, started a family with them earlier, had a much easier time being with them. 

Or you could have moved to Switzerland and become head of the new STRIKE team, like Fury and everyone else expected you to, without being bound to stay because of me. Anything, I know, is better than me.”

You were about to protest, to hold Natasha’s face and say that everything that just came out of her mouth was not the least bit true, but she shook her head, and you allowed her to continue. 

“But I need you, and I love you. I needed you then, when the whole world was against me and you were the only one to show me kindness by sticking with me, I will need you in the future, when the baby is here and needs their two parents, but most importantly, I need you now, when I have no one else with me to go through this scary, scary nine months with. 

I’m sorry I’m not Wanda, I’m sorry I can never be her, but please…I need you to choose me, to choose us. More than anything, more than the baby in my womb right now, I need, and want you around with me, for the rest of my life. I don’t know how to get through all this alone without you, I don’t know how my heart can accept and love anyone else but you. You are my everything, you know this, and this is me begging you, to please, please, choose me. 

Our little one is half of you, as is my heart shaped by yours. Despite everything, you are all I love, you are all that makes sense to me, and I would do anything, just for you to be by my side, please. I need you, we need you.”

Your lips began to bleed with how hard you were biting them, as fresh, salty tears began to roll down your own face, the remorse and longing wrapping around your heart like a snake, squeezing so tight you felt like you were drowning. 

A choked sob left your throat as you then pulled Natasha to your arms, peppering her face with wet kisses and murmurs of you, always you, as she held onto you for dear life as well. 

“Nobody else,” you reaffirmed, the tightness of your arms around Natasha a welcomed feeling as she cried into your chest, “Nobody else but you, till the end of time.” 

She tangled her body with yours, always pressing herself closer if possible, as if afraid that you would slip away from her just as quickly as she had gotten the old you back, and only when you began carding your hands through her hair and reassured her that you were not going anywhere, did her breathing finally even out. 

It was the first night in two weeks where her nightmares never came.

��

The time with Natasha alone ran out on a balmy Friday afternoon, as Fury had called you back for an emergency mission the minute her first trimester had ended and the two of you had patched up your relationship. However, she was reluctant to move back to the compound so soon, and with an agreement for your mother to come visit her on days that you were not around during missions, she was happier to stay in the cabin nesting. 

Still, it did not quell your worries, as you watched your elderly mother fuss over Natasha as if she was her own daughter. Teaching the woman her signature crochet patterns, she noticed as you stood by the door, fidgeting with your fingers at the sight of Natasha near the knitting needles. “You worry too much, dear.”

“Right, I told her so too,” Natasha chimed in, to which you scoffed and rolled your eyes at their ganging up on you. 

Your bags were packed and in the car, everything Natasha could need for the next week was packed in the shelves and fridges, and you had reminded your mother to be careful when accompanying her for her doctor’s appointment in two days. “Just…the prenatals, every morning, okay Mom? And if you’re cooking her eggs, remember to get them a little more well done.No runny yolks. She needs at least eight hours of sleep–”

“–Yes, dear, I know. You’re treating your wife like a baby, I don’t think your father was even as concerned when I was pregnant with you,” she said, following you out on the porch after you had kissed Natasha goodbye for her midday nap, “Which is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. I know you love your wife so much, but remember that I’m here, and she’s safe, too.”

You nodded, gulping. “I know, I know. I just haven’t been treating her so well these past few months, I want to…I want to make sure..”

“I know,” your mother pressed a kiss to the top of your forehead, hugging you goodbye, “Now go. Focus on the mission. And come home safe, for her, and the child, okay?”

–

“Well you look healthier, and happier,” Tony chimed in as he watched you fly the Quinjet for the first time in three months, your hands slightly shaking. 

You steered left, before replying, “Thanks.” 

“Why isn’t Natasha on this mission? I thought Fury said he needed someone who could work with the security system?” Steve pointed out right after, and all eyes travelled to you.

You knew they had their suspicions, but they were just waiting for you to say it. It could only go on for so long, after all.

Stabilising the jet in the air, you then moved out of your seat to finally face the team. “Natasha’s pregnant. Three and a half months, today.” 

Knowing looks were exchanged, and the smiles began to grow on your teammates’ faces, as one by one they started clapping for you, with Steve coming forward to hug you tightly then. “Congratulations.”

Then, he leaned in, whispering, “You guys are okay, now?”

“Yup,” you replied, “We’re better.”

You thanked the team quickly after, promising to let them visit Natasha soon, before refocusing on your targeted location for the mission. 

–

You should have guessed that when Fury said they needed you for an emergency mission, they needed you for a truly emergency mission. 

Bullets raining down on your heads and armed weaponry that did not seem like they were made from any material on this earth, you found yourself trapped with Clint in the vents of the abandoned government building with barely any room to breathe without risking a bullet in your head. 

“Just like old times, huh?” He tried to lighten the mood, “The archer and the spider.” 

“I’m not like the kid,” you retorted, “They actually inserted the serum of that spider safely in me. No freakish hanging-on-walls nonsense.” 

He rolled his eyes, letting you web up an enemy from a distance, before finally ambushing the soldiers from the vent and preparing yourself for a long, drawn out battle with them. 

–

But no matter how hard you fought, or how many of Clint’s arrows helped to take enemies off your back, you were clearly outnumbered when the enemy had cut off all of your comms early on, Tony unable to come in for backup while you and Clint were probably in the most densely-populated part of the building. 

The moment the archer got caught in one of the negative-energy weapons the enemies had struck at him, was the moment you knew you had to escape. There was no point in trying to take them down and risking Clint. 

You shot the last web to blind Clint’s attacker, before releasing him and swinging straight out of the window to the lower floors. He was groaning in your hold, as you examined the remnants of the energy searing a deep burn onto his skin. 

“Fuck,” you cursed, worried that something would spread underneath and render his arms useless, “I’m taking you back to the jet.”

The first ones back on the jet were Tony and Steve, the energy on the verge of melting the Wakandan metal on the Captain’s shield and Tony’s weapons. You turned back to Clint worriedly, but before you could say anything more, the comms crackled and a groan was heard from the other side. 

“C-Can anyone help? We’re kind of…” The comms crackled again, but it was clear whose voice was on the other end.

“Peter, where are you?” You were the only one uninjured, and fit enough to go back in, as the doctors had already begun escorting Clint away, and the Captain and Tony were still trying to get their weapons and shield back working. 

“South Building, second floor,” his voice was getting fainter and fainter, before, “Can you hurry, please? I’m with Ms Maximoff, and it’s not g–”

“–I’ll be right there, Peter.”

–

The area was fairly unguarded as you tore through more enemies towards the South Building, and you soon found out why when more than half of them were tied up in Wanda’s magic, hanging from the ceiling in every room you burst through.

“Peter! Wanda!” Upon your arrival, you heard Peter’s web shooters fly and immediately rushed to his aid just a few rooms down from where you were. 

The boy was on the ground, shrouding a heavily injured Wanda with negative-energy enveloping all around her, while the last of the attackers tried desperately to capture the both of them. You overpowered them easily with more strength and experience, but as you returned to the duo you knew that the mission had been compromised, and had to be abandoned. 

Inspecting Spider-Man for injuries, you were glad that he was still able to walk, and more importantly, swing, as you then carried an unconscious Wanda into your arms and led him swinging behind you to safety. 

“Do me a favour,” you said as he found difficulty keeping up, “Don’t ever do that again. Risking your life like that.”

“Ms Maximoff was–”

“–I know she was injured, but if it came down to it, Peter, I wouldn’t have wanted you both dead. You tell me when you know you’re not able to handle these things next time, and I’ll be there instantly,  you know I will. Better me than you, okay?”

The young hero could only nod slowly behind. 

–

Back at the Quinjet, while everyone was scrambling to grab medical supplies for Wanda and the energy quickly burning through her skin, Steve pulled you aside to put you on the line with Fury.

“I know you’re worried about her Agent,” his voice cut through the noise in your head as you stared at Wanda being wrapped in all sorts of healing blankets and devices, “But I wish to request something.”

“Yes, Fury,” you replied, heart still in your throat as you watched the woman fail to open her eyes through her second resuscitation. You couldn’t help feeling like it was all your fault, that you hadn't gotten to her in time, and fear was steadily rising through your body. 

If Fury noticed the lack of focus in your voice, he didn’t mention it. “The nearest safehouse and medical facility for you guys is too far. Doctor Cho fears it might be too late for Wanda. The only other option is the woods where yours and Natasha’s cabin is.”

Even in your worry, you couldn’t help but prioritise your wife, though. “I don’t want Natasha involved–”

“–She won’t. As far as she knows, she’s just lending your house for the doctors in the jet to treat the team. That’s all. I’ve already gotten her approval, Agent.”

You sighed through the phone, heavy and worried. But one more look at Clint, and then Wanda, had confirmed any doubts you had. “I’ll get us there, then.”

–

Natasha was already waiting by the fields by the time you landed the jet, rushing forward to engulf you in her arms as she consciously felt around your suit for any injuries as well. When she didn’t find anything but a slash through your right shoulder, she sighed in relief and could only turn her focus to the team then. 

“I’m fine,” you breathed, thankful for the fact that she was there, “Can’t say the same for everyone here, though.” The both of you watched as Clint was carried by Steve into the cabin, followed by Wanda by Tony, and Natasha felt your fist tighten at the sight of her skin seared and lips pale. 

“Can’t help but feel like it’s all my fault. First mission back and I’m already getting so many of them injured.” You muttered.

Natasha cupped your face then, shaking her head. “Don’t say that. You didn’t know better, Steve was the leader of this mission, and none of you could have anticipated that there would be so many of them. And you are home now, you are safe, which is all that matters to me.” 

You leaned into her touch, nodding your head. 

–

the medical team left by midnight once they had stabilised wanda’s injuries, but being the only one certified as a medical professional aside from doctor strange, you chose to stay by her side the entire night, as she took up the spare bedroom in the cabin while the rest of the team slept in the living room. 

you changed her dressings after a few hours, and when you came out of her room, natasha was sitting by the kitchen counter. she was awake, and a steaming mug of milk was right beside her. soft snores from the living room had filled up the atmosphere, but the low lighting she had switched on made her look more ethereal than ever. her face shrouded in the warm glow, you approached her carefully and smiled when she gazed up at you. 

disposing of the bloody bandages, you sat across from her and saw that she had been filling up the crossword in the newspaper. 

“couldn’t sleep,” she shrugged. you pointed out a word to her and she thanked you. 

“without me?” you joked, but she nodded, and you smiled sadly. “i’m sorry. i…” 

you gestured towards the room, but natasha put her hand up. “i understand. i know you’re worried. i am too.”

you bit your lip, half in shame, half in guilt that your worry for wanda was affecting your wife too. but natasha put on a brave smile then, looking at the bloody dressings, and said, “i’ll help you get the new bandages from our storage. go.”

you dutifully returned to the room, watching her silhouette disappear for a moment before the door shut and your heart dipped deeper into your stomach.

–

you were administering a new bag into wanda’s IV drip when her fingers twitched, proceeding to ghost along the skin of your left arm as her eyes opened blearily. 

“hello sunshine,” you smiled at her, apologising as you reinserted the needle. 

wanda tried to smile back. “waking up to your face? i thought i must have died and went to heaven.”

you chuckled, but slowly removed the hand that had encircled around your wrist. “not heaven. you’re still stuck in this shitty cabin with me and the rest of the avengers. and if the painkillers tell you otherwise, just remember that your skin is redder and rawer than a tomato now.” 

the spare room was in fact your study, with the makeshift hospital bed in the middle and your desk pushed to the far corner of the room. as wanda’s eyes travelled and took in her surroundings then, you noticed her gazing across the photos of you and natasha on the desk replacing the ones with the team (and her), natasha’s little trinkets that you had now adopted, and the multiple scans of the baby right alongside. 

she looked at you sadly, and asked, “three and a half months?”

“yeah,” you grabbed the most recent scan, showing her, “natasha wants to wait a little while before knowing the gender. i'm a little afraid, to be honest, but we’re excited nonetheless.”

“right.” wanda looked at the scan, where the faint shape of the foetus was forming. she knew she had lost the moment she saw the softness in your eyes as you gazed back at the scan. 

she swallowed her fears, and asked, “so it’s her then? between me and her?” 

you looked up, staring at her face and remembering the phone call, the late nights, the companionship of being around the scarlet witch. fighting by her side in missions, coming home to her laughs and comfort after, you remembered her encouraging you after every fight with Natasha, the smiles exchanged as she brought you in for hugs and your laughter as she tried making jokes to cheer you up. 

wanda’s eyes were blue, natasha’s green. but there was only one pair you knew you would stare lovingly into for the rest of your life. 

natasha’s first night with you after your first date, sharing ice cream and exchanging quiet smiles. her wearing the sweater you had put on her after her rescue. it was her safety sweater, the safest space in her world. the tightness of her hugs, the softness of her kisses. the love in her eyes when you discussed parenthood with her, the excitement of you promising to be by her side until the end of time. 

“it’s her. in every life, i would choose her.” 

natasha, who had been listening behind the door, held the bandages closer to her chest, the warmth spreading through her had her smiling until her cheeks hurt. 

[adirtylittleheart]

TICK TOCK, TIMES UP An established friend of the triplets, but also Chris' ex visits them in L.A. He wants her back. What will happen after a late-night encounter in the kitchen? Warning: 18+ All are over 18 in my writings. Smut. Fucking. P in V. Squirt. Cocksure Chris! ChrisXOC. Notes: Listened to X^2 by Tuxy Music while I wrote this. Enjoy! '' Chris was close enough that her breasts were brushing against his chest as her breathing elevated. Chris started getting hard, and the heat washed through him. ‘’I could be wrong though. Maybe you don’t want my dick in you, stretching you, making you cum…filling you up with my cum…’’ ''

Tick Tock, Time's up ‘’Are you okay?’’ Nick asked and put his hand on Eva’s back when he saw her putting a hand to her forehead. She let out a faint sigh and then she dropped her head slightly. They were enjoying a night of lazing about on the couch, watching a movie when Eva started feeling slightly ill.

‘’I think so. Just a little tired,’’ Eva said

‘’You sure?’’ Nick asked and rubbed her back gently

‘’We spent a lot of time in the sun at the beach while you were filming. Well…Eva did. I hid under my hat and an umbrella, sipping on ice cold pina coladas. Probably too much sun,’’ Matt’s girlfriend, Elle said

‘’Why don’t you go lay down for a bit, Evie?’’ Matt asked looking overly concerned

‘’I think I might,’’ Eva said and smiled at them all as she pushed herself from the couch and stood up.

‘’Call us if you need anything,’’ Chris said as she started making her way to Chris’s room.

‘’Thank you,’’ Eva said glancing over her shoulder at him with a grateful smile.

Chris’ eyes followed her all the way until she turned the corner to go down the stairs. He shifted on the couch, pulling his legs off the table. Nick chuckled and shook his head while Matt rolled his eyes, a smile playing on his lips. They looked at each other knowingly and then looked at Chris again. He lifted his can of soda to his lips, lost in his thoughts of Eva.

Eva was a friend of the triplets for as long as any of them could remember. They grew up together in Boston, and it was nostalgic for every one of them. It was something that no one could take away from them, no matter how hard they tried. They had invited Eva to come stay with them in L.A for a few weeks over the summer to take her mind off losing a close family member. She was eternally grateful to them and she got along with Matt’s girlfriend, Elle, like they too were old friends.

‘’What’s going on?’’ Elle asked when she saw the looks between the brothers

‘’I told you how they used to be in a relationship and Chris screwed it up. Dumbest thing he ever did. He still wants her though,’’ Matt replied as Elle snuggled closer to him

‘’Shut the fuck up, Matt,’’ Chris said, ‘’I never intended on hurting her. I loved her,’’ he said, and then dropped his voice, ''I still do.''

‘’But what happened?’’ Elle asked

Chris sighed and slumped back onto the sofa, ‘’A few months after we moved here, a mutual friend of ours told me Eva was seeing someone else because she couldn’t handle the distance between us. Our friend kinda followed Eva, and caught her going into the guy's house. I was so hurt that I jumped the gun and I thought doing the same thing to her was the way to go. I didn’t even wait to talk to Eva, I just went and…fucked it up that same night I was told. Literally. I wanted her to feel the hurt I was feeling so I fucked someone else.'' ''The shitty thing about this is, Eva never was with anyone else. She was tutoring a kid. Chris would never have done what he did if our so-called friend hadn't interfered. That ''friend'' was after Chris, that's why she did it. Is it even worth saying that friend is no longer part of our lives?'' Nick said ''But...you were tricked...right? Elle asked ''I still hurt her. It doesn't take away that I didn't talk to her before I acted on my impulses. Eva forgave me because she loves my brothers and family as much as they love her, but she said she could never forget and to this day she won’t talk about it. She will be friends with me, but nothing more.’’ Elle gave Chris a warm smile, ‘’maybe you should try a little harder. You never know.''

Chris gave her a smile but it was weak. He had been trying to talk to her ever since but to no avail. She flat-out refused, always cutting him off as soon as he mentioned the word ‘talk’. However, he was willing to keep trying. ***

Chris had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to put his pajamas on when he heard a noise downstairs. He was staying in Nick's room while Eva was there, staying in his room. He looked at the time on his phone and frowned, then left the room. As he descended the stairs he looked towards the kitchen and saw Eva standing at the fridge getting herself a bottle of water. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her in a thin white, short, little top. She was wearing a pair of black t-back panties that rode low on her narrow hips. When she closed the fridge and turned around, Chris’s heart thumped against his chest. Her breasts were straining against the little top, and it showed off her toned midriff. Even from that distance, he could see her nipples through the thin fabric. He pulled his eyes up and smiled to himself seeing her long, wavy hair and big hazel eyes. She had rosebud lips that were full and pouty. She was the picture of innocence despite her attire. She walked to the table and picked a grape from a bunch that was bought earlier that day. He smiled wider knowing she loved cotton candy grapes and he had gotten them specifically for her. The smile, however, turned into a frown when she closed her big hazel eyes, lifted the bottle of cold water, and held it up to her chest for a few seconds before putting it against her neck. It was the middle of summer and the temperatures were soaring but he still worried that she wasn't feeling well. Chris continued down the stairs and stopped next to the table, quietly putting his phone on the table.

When Eva opened her eyes, they widened and she let out a scream as she threw the bottle of water at Chris.

He laughed and caught the bottle like a pro. Just a minute ago, he had been concerned that she was still feeling ill but, on the contrary, it seemed she wasn’t doing too bad.

‘’Jesus, Chris,’’ Eva said, her hand flying up to her heart.

‘’I see we have to start teaching you to throw a little better,’’ he said, and threw the bottle up into the air. It flipped over twice while in motion and then came down only for him to catch it perfectly.

‘’I didn’t want to hurt you,’’ Eva said dropping her hand to her side again.

Chris almost doubled over with laughter. ‘’Anything you say, sweetheart,’’ he said and held out the bottle of water for her.

‘’That was pretty bad, huh?’’ she asked with a giggle, taking the water back

‘’Fucking awful,'' he said honestly, ''but you’re pretty much great at everything you do, so it’d be unfair to the rest of us if you were perfect at everything,’’ he said

‘’Well, that escalated from me being great to perfect, so thank you. You’re pretty great at everything too, so…’’ she said and shrugged her shoulders

He smiled at her and ran a hand through his still damp hair, ‘’how are you feeling?’’ he asked

‘’Actually great. I think I might have been a little dehydrated… that’s… all…’’ she replied, her words trailing off when she realized Chris was standing before her in nothing but a towel riding dangerously low on his hips. Suddenly, every one of her senses heightened. His fresh scent enveloped her and his near-naked body sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. He looked perfect with his damp hair and that chuckle escaped him as she looked on, had her shifting from one foot to another on her spot. She realized how wet she was getting just having him so close to her.

‘’You okay?’’ Chris asked and as his eyes raked over her tiny body, she became acutely aware that she was barely wearing anything. She took a deep breath that helped her chest heave and pushed out towards him. She only gave a nod, unable to form words…too scared to form words.

‘’Evie,’’ Chris said and took a step towards her ‘’you can’t go on with your heart on loan. Your heart aches and I want to heal it. My heart aches! We can heal together. If there is ever anything you need to know, it’s that I felt like my world fell apart when all that happened and I didn’t think clearly. The hurt I felt overtook all reasoning. Can we please fix this? You’re too scared to take my hand and believe the truth, but please try. I will never break again. Why won’t you just talk to me?’’

Eva shook her head and started walking away but Chris grabbed her wrist. ‘’Why?’’ he asked, persistent

‘’Because Chris,’’ Eva said, her feelings for him rushing forward like a freight train, ‘’because I might say something I shouldn’t.’’

‘’What?’’ he asked

Eva groaned and tried to walk away again trying to hold her composure. She felt herself starting to get unglued. However, Chris was still holding her wrist.

‘’Just talk to me!’’ he said starting to raise his voice

All Eva’s feelings started bubbling over, which she had desperately tried to push away, and Chris wouldn’t let her go so she could simmer down. ‘’I can’t because I'm scared I might say something like I still love you!’’ the words had just tumbled out her mouth.

Her eyes widened and she gasped, then clasped a hand over her mouth. Chris slowly grinned and took another step towards her.

‘’I love you too,’’ he said and let go of her wrist, lifting his hand to her cheek. She let her hand fall from her mouth as he tilted her head up to meet his. ‘’I love you more than I can ever express.’’

Eva let out a soft whimper and stood on her tippy toes meeting his lips. She pushed her lips to his and then pulled back. Chris slipped an arm around her waist and placed his hand on the small of her back, then pulled her closer to him. Eva smiled again, their lips inches from each other. She snaked a hand around to the back of his neck and although she knew he wanted to kiss her, she also knew he was waiting for her to. He needed her to.

Eva put her lips on his and kissed him, then again, and again until neither could take it anymore and both parted their lips. Their tongues intertwined and danced as they deepened the kiss, craving and savoring the taste of each other. She stood up on her tippy toes again, wanting more of him. As she stood on her tippy toes, Chris’ hand moved down to her ass and he cupped a cheek and squeezed it. Eva let out a muffled, soft moan, pushing her body to his and grinding against his hard dick just as Chris's phone started to ring.

‘’Fuck!’’ Chris shouted when he pulled from the kiss. He wanted to ignore it but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on anything if he had to wonder the whole time if it was one of his brothers needing to speak to him. Or his mom or dad.

‘’Answer,’’ Eva said and Chris reached over and grabbed his phone.

Eva bit her bottom lip studying him again. She had never met anyone like Chris and she constantly compared other men to him. He was right, she always had her heart on loan…because it belonged to him and she always had it on loan for him because she did love him but maybe it was time to stop punishing him and herself.

Lost in her thoughts, she wasn’t paying attention to what Chris was saying, but when he said the name ‘’Charlotte’’ she suddenly found herself wondering if she was doing the right thing. She started walking away but when she got to half way to the stairs, she felt Chris grab her arm gently. She stopped in her tracks and Chris stepped around her and held out his hand, then waved his index finger in the air from side to side, indicating to not leave. She felt herself getting wetter with that finger he was moving around. Oh, he did great things with those long fingers.

‘’Please,’’ Chris mouthed to her and she gave a nod, but Chris, unsure grabbed her arm again and pulled her to the wall.

‘’Hey,’’ Chris said into the phone, ‘’I can’t make it, I told you that already.’’

Chris stood in front of Eva and extended his free arm, putting his hand against the wall, next to her head. He closed his eyes for a second and sucked in a breath. Who ever he was on the phone with, was starting to irritate him.

‘’I’m going to turn my phone of now. Just a warning in advance so you don’t accuse me of something,’’ he said and opened his eyes again, pulled the phone from his ear and ended the call. He shook his head and tossed his phone to a pile of merch clothing he was going through earlier and just haphazardly dropped to the floor.

He looked at Eva who raised her brows. ‘’That was just an influencer we know. She gets drunk and phones us to ask if we want to party with her which never happens so it gets irritating. She’ll phone tomorrow and apologize and do the same thing will happen tomorrow night. So why were you leaving?’’ he asked

‘’I thought…’’ Eva said and trailed off

‘’Thought what?’’ he asked, pushing for an answer

‘’You were busy,’’ she responded softly

‘’I wasn’t. Unless it’s you or my family, I’m not busy. Were you going to come back up?’’ he asked, his frustration starting to grow

‘’I don’t know, I got tired’’ Eva said softly

Chris sighed and swept the palm of his hand over his face in an effort to control his frustration. He wanted to scream but instead, calmingly said, ‘’you weren’t tired a few minutes ago.’’

‘’I…I just got tired,’’ she said and Chris stepped real close to her. He shook his head from side to side, slowly and put his other hand on the wall beside her head. Eva looked up at him as he looked down, meeting her eyes.

‘’What changed? We were ready to fuck. You wanted my dick, Eva, I know you did! I know all your tell tail signs. We fucked enough for me to know. What happened?’’ Chris asked and even though Eva was caged, he loved that she wasn’t one bit scared of him. She was captured and cornered but she showed no fear. He loved that she was always, always comfortable around him.

‘’Answer me, Evie,’’ he said and Eva’s breathing picked up, her chest rising and falling

‘’What?’’ Eva asked in a breath with a small shake of her head

Chris moved in even closer to Eva, bending his elbows slowly, ‘’do you want to fuck me?’’ he asked

She closed her eyes, her breathing didn’t slow and she unconsciously bit her lower lip. Chris smiled and leaned in to whisper in her ear, ‘’I think you do. I think that's exactly what you want. I was in the room this morning looking for a t-shirt while you were showering so I know what you did in there cause I heard you, and I also know you want the real thing.’’

Chris was close enough that, her breasts were brushing against his chest as her breathing elevated. Chris started getting hard, and the heat washed through him. ‘’I could be wrong though. Maybe you don’t want my dick in you, stretching you, making you cum…filling you up with my cum…’’

The bottle of water Eva was holding, slipped through her hand and fell to the floor but neither cared. She opened her eyes and locked hers with his. There was a desperation in them. A need. A craving. A hunger. They all matched the look in his. He knew she still wanted him.

‘’Say it. Say ‘‘I don’t want you to fuck me, Chris,’’’ he said

Eva let her bottom lip bounce back into place and she shook her head slowly but only slightly, though, deliberately. Left first, then right.

‘’Eva, if you don’t answer me, if you don’t say it…I’m ripping that top off, with your panties then, I’m throwing you onto the couch and we’re fucking. Tick Tock.’’

Eva rolled her plump lips between her teeth and blinked at him, then she dropped her eyes. She lifted an arm between herself and Chris, accidentally brushing the bulge under the towel. Chris sucked in a sharp breath and his hand curled up into a fist against the wall.

‘’Eva, time's running out, baby girl,’’ Chris said through clenched teeth, and when she still didn’t look at him or reply he gave up on the standoff. He was willing to give up his position...in a sense. He grabbed the back of Eva’s head and pulled her head closer to his. Their lips brushing, he said, ‘’times up,’’ and pushed his lips to hers.

He smiled when his lips parted hers and her tongue was the first to invade. Like a strike to flint, they ignited. Chris didn’t want to go all the way downstairs and the couches were the next best thing. Without disconnecting, he turned her around and guided her to the living room. Once next to the couch, Chris’s hands found her delicate little sting panties and she gasped into his mouth when it snapped apart with the first strong tug and silently hit the floor. He then fisted two handfuls of her top and since there were a few buttons at the top, and was so thin, it was easy for him to rip the material in two. He shoved it off her shoulders and down her arms until it was cascading to the floor. As the material settled around their feet, Eva yanked the towel off of him and tossed it aside. Her hands went back to him and she ran them along his V line and Chris sucked in a sharp breath.

Eva smiled and pulled away from the kiss. ‘’Where’s everyone? Shouldn’t we go to the -’’

‘’They went out,’’ he said cutting her off, ‘’they won’t be back for awhile.’’

She smiled again and she was just going to fall to her knees wanting to desperately taste him again but he easily lifted her and threw her onto the couch. He was torn for a second wanting her warm mouth and tongue around his cock – she was so good at it, but he needed to be inside her again. She let out a squeal, bounced once and steadied herself with her elbows and feet against the cushions.

‘’We can do all that later…and trust me, I wanna taste you again too cause I’ve never had anything sweeter but right now I need to fuck that tight little pussy so bad,’’ he said said scrambling onto the couch. With her legs splayed open showing her oh so smooth pussy to him, he could tell she was well wet, along with his pre-cum he knew they would be just fine.

He got between her thighs, aimed at her pussy and then he thrust deep inside knocking the breath out of both of them. She was wet against him, but so fucking tight, he didn't think I would be able to move in and out.

"Jesus," he groaned when she choked his cock further using the muscles surrounding it. He collapsed on top of her, hooking her knee with one arm and caging her head with the other. He felt her hands slide around the low of his back, then her hips shifted, grinding against him, and suddenly he was gone and the fire took over. He pulled nearly all the way out, dragging a moan from her, then slammed back in with an answering grunt. Then again. And again.

Her hips lifted with his, helping him dig deeper, and maximizing their contact. Every inch of her body was touching his and he finally dropped her leg, then kissed her deeply, sensually. She moaned with pleasure and he pulled from the kiss, feeling her pussy around him starting to slowly contract. He sat up and sped up his thrusts, desperate to feel her fall apart around him again. And she did. ‘’Already?’’ Chris asked

She nodded and she clamped around him with a vice-like grip as her orgasm elevated.

‘’Ohhh fuck,’’ she said and reached out trying to find anything to grip onto. Chris leaned over her and closed his hands over hers, intertwining his fingers with hers. She cried out as her orgasm hit her with full force, almost deafening Chris, but he gladly would have taken a slight loss of his hearing.

When she finally stopped shaking, he sat up again and grinned down at her.

‘’Fuck off…it’s been awhile,’’ she said with a laugh

Chris laughed and leaned over her again, wanting to kiss her again. She was the best he had ever had, hands down and he wanted more of her in every way possible.

As they kissed, he pulled out her, making her whimper into the kiss. She pulled back, giving him a confused look.

‘’Whose pussy is this?’’ Chris said sitting up straight again

‘’Yours, Chris, always,’’ she said

Chris, still smiling, diving her crazy, swiped his thumb over her clit.

‘’Fuck! Chris!’’ Eva said after a body jolt and taking in a sharp intake of air

Chris chuckled, ‘’I wanna hear you say it,’’ he said

‘’Fuck me, Chris,’’ she said through gritted teeth

‘’Be nice,’’ he said chuckling

‘’Now!’’ she answered back, making him laugh

‘’Fuck yes!’’ he said and got off the couch and put his knees on the floor. Thank the fuck Eva tossed the towel so close because she wasn’t great at throwing things after all. Eva began to protest but he grabbed her and pulled her to him. He turned her so her face and tits were facing the cushion. Chris drank in the spectacular view. He kept her legs between his, nearly pressing her thighs together, and worked his cock back into her pussy, burying it to the hilt. "Oh my God." Her head came off the couch and her back arched. Chris leaned forward, ‘’you feel so fucking amazing,’’ he breathed and found her lips, then kissed her. He sent one hand to her clit and the other skated up her spine and around her body to a breast. Eva broke the kiss with his first thrust and moaned loudly. The second, she took all of him.

‘’Holy shit, that’s so deep,’’ Eva said through a laugh

‘’You okay?’’ Chris asked holding still,

‘’A-fucking-mazing. Don’t stop, Chris,’’ she said

With a laugh, Chris started thrusting into her with fervent. He worked faster on her clit and moans of the utmost pleasure filed the room from both of them. Chris’ hand moved from her breast to her neck and he gently pulled her back so she was kneeling with her back plastered to his chest. "Jesus you’re perfect, Eva,’’ he said next to her ear

‘’I’m… going to… cum so hard,’’ Eva said feeling the build up in her muscles. ‘’I can feel it. Cum for me,’’ he said. She grew tighter at every thrust and wetter, too. ‘’I’m close too.’’

Her breathing got faster, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her skin had a fine sheen to it.

‘’Oooh Fuuuck, yes, yes, yes!’’ Eva screamed and he was prepared for her intense grip on him, the rush of cum, and the contractions around his cock. But the shaking. Fuck. Her arms tried to find purchase, first on the couch, then by reaching back for him. Her hips lurched as she tried to fuck him back. A scream tore out of her and Chris was rewarded with a wet sensation against his groin area. His hand left her clit so he could encircle her waist to hold her through it. His other hand stayed lightly on her neck but he moved his forearm between her breasts and clutched her close as his own climax rushed forward.

‘’Oh Fuck! I’m…’’ Chris moaned then let out a lengthy groan with pleasure as his climax hit him head on. A massive load was pumped into Eva and she was triggered into another orgasm as he filled her womb near to bursting. Eva’s orgasm ripped through her body and she screamed as another flow was released from her. Chris eased his grip around her, when she pushed forward and she collapsed on the couch. Chris, although panting hard and still pumping in and out of her slowly as she rode out her climax, smacked her ass and squeezed it. He smiled at the perfect view in front of him. She was tiny and the most perfect round, toned ass. An ass cheek fit into his hand perfectly. They were both wet, dripping and glistening from cum and juices.

‘’Chris,’’ Eva murmured, pulling from his memorised state of pure bliss.

‘’Yeah, Evie?’’ he said said.

Eva let out a small, exhausted laugh, ‘’can we do that again?’’ she asked

Chris let out a laugh and leaned forward as her pulled his still hard dick out of her. ‘’Fuck yes. That was fucking amazing,’’ Chris said and found her lips when she lifted her head.

She didn’t have to ask…Chris was not only planning on doing it again many times, but he wanted to make up for lost time too. There was no more heart on loan. It was a sold given to Chris.

[cal-flakes]

hey so I was wondering if I could request a rafe fic where the two don't really like each other (maybe she's sarah's friend but he picked on her growing up) and reader is walking home alone one night and realizes someone is following her and panics and walks faster and everything until she sees rafe ahead of her and catches up with him and he can see she's genuinely worried so he goes into full protective mode and walks her home

if you want to change it at all, feel free, I'm just a sucker for a knight-in-shining-armor moment haha

I LOOOOOVE THIS!!!!!

╰┈➤ protective!rafe takes you home

warnings: nothing tbh.

summary: rafe walks y/n home after she’s followed by someone in the dark.

the cool breeze in the air blew past her as she clutched her arms to her chest. the wind whistled through the trees around her while she walked down the poorly lit street.

her footsteps slowed as she attempted to catch a noise she thought she heard. her breath hitched as she glanced behind her, a strange hooded man followed behind a few feet away.

“it’s fine, it’s just a coincidence..” she muttered to herself, walking at a slightly quicker pace.

this carried on for a little while as she went out of her way to take off down side streets and shortcuts, essentially doing a full loop of the neighbourhood she was walking through.

her heart thumped furiously in her chest, all sorts of scenarios going through her mind. as she turned the corner, she looked back to the man, still following her.

her eyes brimmed with tears as she scanned the streets for people, there was nobody around, why would there be? it was four m-thirty in the morning.

the only reason she was out at this time was because of an argument with her dad, they’d gotten into it back at home and he told her to get out. with this, she’d quickly packed an overnight bag, thinking of somewhere to go.

unfortunately, in the rush, she’d left her phone behind, so the only place she knew to go was sarah’s.

y/n has always been close with the cameron’s, she’d stay with sarah whenever her dad was out of town, and rose and ward were always happy to take her in for a few days.

her shoulder ached as the bag strap dug into her skin, her eyes were frantic. it would be a miracle of someone appeared, anyone.

and a miracle it was, when she spotted rafe cameron outside the wreck. “fuck..” she whispered.

he was her only option right now. she hated the idea, but what else could she do?

rafe and y/n didn’t particularly hate eachother, but they certainly disliked eachother. he was always mean growing up, going to great lengths just to piss her off. but surely he’d do her this favour, right?

between glancing at the man, who was gaining on her, she mustered up the courage to yell for him.

“rafe! hey, rafe!” she shouted, throwing her arms up in a wave. the man in the distance turned, brows furrowed as she sped towards him.

“y/n?” he questioned, utterly confused.

as she got closer, he noticed her glassy eyes, tear marks trailed down her cheeks. she engulfed him in a hug, pulling her mouth to his ear.

“i need you to pretend to be my boyfriend, please?” she begged, breathlessly holding onto him for dear life.

peaking over her shoulder he spotted a man following closely, eyeing the pair. his jaw clenched as he watched the guy cross the road, staring directly at him.

the man stopped at a bench across from them, glaring at rafe.

as there bodies separated, y/n’s eyes widened as rafe pulled her into a kiss, tangling a hand in her hair.

pulling away, the shock subsided as he intertwined their hands. “i’ve been waiting for you forever y/n! where’ve you been?” he asked, raising his voice enough for the man to hear him.

rafe’s car keys appeared in his hand as he lead her around the corner, towards his car.

once they were out of earshot, he turned towards her. “what the fuck are you doing out at this time?”

y/n burst into tears before he could finish, leaning into his chest. “thank you! thank you so much! that guy, he-he was following me the whole time, m-my dad kicked me out!” she wailed, sobbing as he wrapped an arm around her.

he ushered her into the passenger side, doing her seatbelt for her. “where am i taking you?” he asked awkwardly, her sobs invaded his mind as his knuckles whitened against the steering wheel.

god knows, he didn’t like his little sisters friends but the thought of someone trying to bring her harm? he was absolutely furious.

“oh, um, your house please? that’s where I was trying to go in the first place.” she muttered, her words muffled slightly as he cupped her own face.

he reached over tentatively, pushing some stray hairs behind her ear. “okay, your safe now okay? i’ve got you”

[altheasmeadow]

User

WC: 1.2 K

Pairing: Kim Seungmin X reader

Warnings: Angst, breakup

It was expected, how could it not be? Dating an Idol would never have been easy, but she at least thought it would be the fans she was battling and not the other members. So when she had heard Changbin explain to Seungmin that all of them thought she was using him, she didn’t exactly know how to approach the situation, she could come out from behind the wall and act like everything is okay, she can walk out of the dorm and away from the boys where she’s not wanted, she can go out and confront the issues head on, or she can excuse herself politely and ask Seungmin to speak to her in private. The latter seemed like the best option for Seeungmin, he preferred when she was upfront about her feelings, but she felt like maybe she could change their minds. So she waited, she didn’t distance herself, it would defeat the whole purpose, but she didn’t go out of her way to make time for them as well. 

The tension lasted months, and it was visibly taking a toll on Seungmin who felt like he had to divide his time between his lover and his group mates. He refused to mention her to his groupmates not willing to start that argument up again, and honestly he would’ve happily kept them physically separated if they didn’t purposefully crash their dates without his permission.

“All I’m saying is, you definitely make more money than her. You’re always paying for the dates. How can you be sure she’s not just using you?” Hyunjin asked, not knowing that the girl in question was just outside the door having come to bring Seungmin his lunch.

“I pay because I want to. And don’t talk as if you know her.” Seungmin frowned, looking down at his phone as he types out a text to his girlfriend asking how far out she was.

“You’re an Idol! She could totally just be using you. She doesn’t belong in this world.” Changbin said, he and Hyunjin seemed the most adverse to Seungmin’s relationship, Felix had tried making her feel welcome but she just gave him a smile and stayed quiet usually, Han naturally didn’t like having her around but it was just because his anxiety spiked everytime the thought of Seungmin getting hurt crossed his mind, Lee Know didn’t care about her, whether she was there or not he just ignored her existence, Chan had nothing against her but avoided her to avoid any issues, Jeongin didn’t hate her per say but he did find her odd, nobody was just naturally that nice in his opinion.

“You don’t know her! You never took the chance to know her so stop making assumptions based on your own fears!” He shouted and would have continued if the door hadn’t opened revealing a teary eyed woman holding a bag of food, she approached her boyfriend without sparing a glance at anyone else. The way she was acting was enough to tell Seungmin exactly how she was going to handle this situation so he quickly gripped her wrist to try and keep her there but she simply pressed a long kiss to his lips before nudging his sad figure away from her.

“Please don’t do this.”

“It’s okay, If it’s meant to be we will be.” was all she said before parting ways and walking past the seven stunned members, all of them confused as to why a gold digger wasn’t trying to force their way into their lives further.

–

She hummed the tune of Case 143 softly as she packed the canned goods into the boxes to be shipped. She was making a lot of progress, especially since her brothers were finding any excuse possible to be near her after the breakup.

The door opening snapped her attention from her work as well as her brothers from the kitchen area, he peered through the window curiously. The entrance of two men made her head tilt in confusion.

“What are you two doing here?”

“The past month Seungmin hasn’t been himself,” Felix murmured, earning a nod from the woman. She knew. Of course she knew she had kept in contact with him and listened to all of his weeping over the situation, “So we did research.” 

“We came across this place and read everything we could about you. Jeongin’s reasoning was he didn’t think anyone could ever be that nice but he was proven wrong, we all were. You were with Seungmin because you truly loved him.” Lee Know sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked around, taking in the different projects in production, so many donation boxes sitting against the wall, clothes, food, blankets so many things scattered about in a mess of organized chaos as the woman worked to make it all ready for shipping.

“Yea well, everyone makes mistakes.” Was all she said, lifting the box and moving around two to make her way towards her other brother who was waiting nearby to carry the next box out to the truck. 

“Is there a way you can forgive us, I really don’t think Seungmin should be punished for our mistakes.” Lee Know tried to reason, earning an eye roll from the family members in the room.

“He’s not being punished.”

“You broke up with him, I’d call that being punished.” Felix commented.

“Yeah well you all tend to make plenty of assumptions, don’t you?”

“This isn’t an assumption, it’s a fact.”

“Is it?” A new voice chirped, making everyone turn to face her oldest brother who had jut entered with Seungmin by his side, the younger boy glaring at his friends who keep butting into his personal life.

“Seungmin?” Felix asked in astonishment, not thinking the two were still in contact, “Look we’re just trying to talk her into talking to you again.”

“She has been talking to me, every night, she calls me every time I have a nightmare, everytime I’m stressed, everytime the tension gets too much and she listens. Despite all the jabs and taunts all of you threw she stayed. We broke up because you guys were too close minded to think anyone could ever love an idol without other intentions. You guys didn’t even give her a chance, well Felix did but everyone else? You guys hated her right off of the back.”

“We were just trying to protect you.” Changbin’s voice spoke up making the woman tense turning to the door to see the other 5 gathered in the door.

“I didn’t need protection, have you seen her? She’s quite literally an angel.”

“We see that now but we were cautious at first, it’s normal.”

“Oh stop trying to rationalize your prejudice, just because she’s not an idol doesn’t mean she’s any less than you. She’s been through more pain than you’ve experienced, that’s why she built this place. To help people who go through what she has gone through. Better yourself. Because that is the only way she’s ever going to get back with Seungmin. She won’t put him in the position where he needs to choose again. So fix it. Because those two were the definition of puppy love and quite frankly I could punch you for taking that away from her.” The eldest brother spoked, patting Seungmin on the back before moving to work with his other brother in the kitchen.

“You guys know where the door is.” She said simply, motioning for the uninvited 7 to leave before turning to her ex with a small smile, “Come on, the puppies are back here.” 

And as the 7 watched the two leave the room, looking lighter as they stood together, their hearts shattered taking in the strain they had placed on their bonds.

[pedgito]

𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬 part ii ✎ 𝐝𝐚𝐝!𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐱 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary: rules are meant to be bent and broken, fortunately. and while you try your best to keep your distance, it’s almost impossible around eddie and his daughter, finding the best parts of your day are always influenced by them.

cw: 18+ (minors dni), kids are assholes, non-graphic mentions of failed pregnancy, mentions of death (small mention of blood), very deep talks about personal trauma, fluff between reader/eddie and eddie/riley/reader, eddie is jealous of how much riley loves reader, cute dinner dates, smut (grinding over clothes/handjobs), this is very sweet but also very sad so please heed the warnings, i’m begging.

word count: 7.2k — part one

The morning is already going downhill when you walk into a child in the midst of a full meltdown just outside your classroom. Normally you handle it all well and find ways to distract the kids or help calm them, but then there were mornings when you couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t blame the kids, you never did—but when the child thinks the best way out of this situation is to bite and kick you, it turns into someone else’s problem and regardless of how difficult it is for you to deal with, the best option is always stepping away.

And by default, most instances like that would get a phone call to the parent or guardian, which you had no problems with—regardless, after the child is dealt with you have no other option that to separate yourself and take a breather at your desk, door locked, and a long fifteen minutes of silence before you completely lost it.

Eddie had made sure to leave the house early that morning and Riley was just as eager, giving him no trouble in getting herself ready for school and in Eddie’s van before he could remind her, already buckled in and ready to go. Having Riley spend the weekend with Wayne was enough to reset both of them and made for a much smoother routine—and Riley is adamant that she doesn’t need to be walked to class, but Eddie follows anyway.

The jiggle on the knob is what finally brings you back, the fuzzy dark curls on Riley’s head peeking through the window in your door, her eyes barely reaching over the ledge of it, no doubt on the tip of her toes. She screams a cheerful “Hi!” and waves enthusiastically from behind the barrier.

If there was anyone who would cheer you up instantly, it was Riley.

Definitely not Eddie—even if his gaze was locked on you despite your lack of acknowledgement toward him.

You cross the room swiftly, pulling the door open with a joyous greeting to Riley, kneeling down to her level to hug her, puffy coat crinkling underneath your grip.

“Daddy, can I show her?” Riley asks, head turned up toward him in question.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think she—“

“Show me what?” You interrupt quickly, eyes squinting scrutinizingly at Eddie before falling on Riley, looking at her with rapt interest.

“Look,” She squeals, showing off her teeth and pressing her tongue against the top row, one of her front middle teeth looking dangerously loose, “daddy said there’s a tooth fairy that will take my tooth!”

“Yep,” You nod, “they take your teeth and trade them for gifts and wishes for the good kids—have you been good?”

“Uh—yes.” Riley responds with uncertainty. “I cleaned my room and brushed my teeth and even did my homework by myself and—“

Eddie shakes his head in amusement, patting Riley’s back as he talks over gently, grabbing your attention.

“She’s got a ton of energy this morning.” He tells you, grinning from ear to ear. “I hope that’s okay.”

“I love it.” You admit to him wholeheartedly, standing at your full height again, making a small noise as Riley slips past you and runs toward her desk, conversation forgotten.

Eddie lingers, smile gradually fading from his face as he looks over at you, waiting for you to say something—anything.

“So, I was thinking—“

“Eddie, I’m at work—“

Eddie looks at you scarcely, eyes apologetic.

“Sorry, I just—don’t know how to do this.” Eddie tells you.

“Well, not here,” You tell him firmly, “but—follow me.”

Eddie follows you skeptically, rounding the side of your desk as you lean over and grab a paper and pen, scribbling down something quickly. Eddie notes the bandage around your wrist but doesn’t say anything—you notice it when you hand the paper to him, he doesn’t want to pry but he’s curious.

“Meltdown,” You explain simply, “It’s just a small bite and a couple scratches.”

“A kid did that?” Eddie asks in sudden shock, offended by the idea that someone so small could be capable of such violence.

“Yes, but it’s fine,” You assure him, “it’s not the first time.”

Eddie looks a little mortified, glancing over at Riley.

You laugh to yourself, shoving the paper into his chest until his attention is back on you.

“It’s my landline,” You explain, “call after six during the week and the weekends are fair game, I’m usually always home.”

“Oh,” Eddie responds, surprised at how forthcoming you are after expecting a rejection or something to tarnish what had happened a couple days prior, “yeah, shit—that works.”

“Eddie.” You warn, a few kids lingering into the classroom.

“Sorry, sorry.” He quickly recovers. “Uh, I’ll call you later tonight then—if, if that’s okay?”

Eddie’s never been a nervous guy, always oozing with his overconfidence and exuberance—though most of that was left behind in high school. It’s been nearly six years since Eddie’s done any kind of dating or putting himself out there. It was like watching a baby gazelle stand for the first time and he couldn’t get his footing.

“That works,” You assure him, a gentle press of your finger against his covered arm—Eddie yearns for that touch, eyes drifting toward your hand with a subtle grin, “now go, class is starting.”

And Eddie can’t help himself, eyes lingering on you all the way to the door, leaving you with his goofy, dopey smile to get you through whatever hell this day was going to bring.

“She’s been talking about bugs for an hour.” Eddie complains through the receiver, the endless ramblings of Riley heard on your end, screaming about spiders and butterflies and every possible bug that exists in the universe.

“And you better sound damn well entertained with everything she’s telling you,” You admonish, shoving your dinner into microwave and pressing a button, stepping away briefly so the noise doesn’t drown Eddie out, “I spent half the day cutting out about a hundred paper legs for them to make those crafts, I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

Eddie’s silent for longer than usual, possibly trying to process your quick change in tone, or thinking of some lame, but witty comeback.

“Yes, ma’am.” He responds instead and you can see him smirking from here, the dimple in his cheek as he grins.

You roll your eyes adoringly, pulling your food from the microwave when it dings, “How was work?” You ask casually, hoping it doesn’t sound too mundane or boring.

“Uh,” Eddie’s brows furrow, “it was fine.”

“That sounded like a question to me.” You tease, plopping yourself down on the couch, food in your lap, television buzzing in the background.

“It’s just…some prick, they come in and ask for all this shit to be done on their fancy ass cars and expect it to be done within the day,” Eddie unloads and you can visualize the stressful hand he runs through his curls, “but those parts take days to come in, if not weeks. They’re just coming to us because we’re cheaper.”

“Daddy,” Riley’s voice is muffled on the other line, “what’s a prick?”

“God,” Eddie sighs, low enough that only you can hear before responding to Riley, “uh—it’s a bad word, sweetheart. Don’t repeat it.”

“I think someone owes another dollar.” You tease and it makes Eddie laugh which was entirely your reasoning for doing so.

Eddie doesn’t say anything, the soft hum of his breathing on the other line as he sits with his thoughts, distracted from the hectic day.

“Some of the parents are like that,” You attempt to comfort him, “they want us to accommodate to their kid in a lot of ways that we can’t do for others because they think their kids are special—and don’t get me wrong, all kids are, but it’s just the entitlement of it all.”

“I don’t understand how you do it.” Eddie sighs, from his end he’s stretched out on the couch, freshly showered, his right leg propped up on the back of the couch while Riley plays on the floor with her toys, little action figures and tiny figurines that Eddie had accumulated over the years.

Eddie from a few years ago wouldn’t be caught dead letting someone of Riley’s age near his things, but he was a much different person now. He also really enjoyed listening to her count out all the sides of his dice, her attention so laser focused as she sounded out the numbers.

“I love kids,” You tell him, “I love teaching to them, helping them learn new things, I’m sure you understand.”

“I guess it’s kind of like when Riley learned to walk,” Eddie says, a fond smile spreading across his face, “I could’ve cried, honestly.”

“They’re tiny and they’re learning, it’s really fun to witness.” You shone a forkful of your dinner into your mouth, “They aren’t tainted by all the shitty stuff outside of the reality of being a kid.”

“Daddy is that grandpa?” Riley asks, her voice nearly blaring through the phone. She’s crawled onto Eddie’s lap out of nowhere, drawing a pained huff out of him.

“No, Ri—no.” He tells her, readjusting her sideways so she isn’t squishing her weight down on his stomach so harshly, her little feet dangling over his side as he back slumps against the couch.

“You only talk to grandpa.” Riley points out.

“Riley, we talked about this.” Eddie says sternly, starting the sentence and allowing her to finish, “Daddy is a—“

Riley pouts in annoyance, arms crossed over her chest lazily, “—grownup.”

“And?”

“I’m little.”

“So?”

“Don’t be nosey.”

You laugh softly, “I can let you go if you need to spend some time with her.”

Eddie’s style of parenting was refreshing, less patronizing, more leveling with her than disciplining.

“Yeah…I probably should.” Eddie says with deep regret, his fingers running through Riley’s curls, still reeling from today’s play. “I need to get her in the bath and ready for bed.”

“Okay.” You tell him simply, knowing he shared the same smile as you. You could hear it in his voice.

“Can I call you later?” Eddie asks shyly, “After she’s asleep.”

You chuckle at his bashfulness, giving him the benefit of the doubt, knowing how eager he is to get to know you better—the sentiment was shared, but you were also exhausted from the day.

“I’m really tired, actually.” You tell him, hoping he doesn’t hate you too much for it. “Maybe when I’m not on the verge of passing out.”

And Eddie understood, “Yeah—I’m sorry.”

“Eddie,” You sigh, “I’m gonna have to muzzle you if you keep apologizing to me.”

“That doesn’t actually sounds too bad—“

“Goodnight.” You tell him quickly, cutting off his howl of a laugh on the other line by ending the call.

Eddie does call every day that week, and the week after, almost every day for the entire month and beyond the holiday nearing into December.

Eddie had forgotten about the date entirely during that time, so invested in learning every possible ounce of information about you, learning what made you laugh and what annoyed you, almost to the point where he could have you in tears over some stupid joke he made, or how his one-ended arguements always ended with Riley having the last word that left Eddie grumbling into the phone at you.

It was the most normal you’ve felt in forever, forget high school, forget college—you’d never been in a relationship, not a serious one anyways. They’ve always been casual or quick hookups, nothing that you felt had any real meaning—with Eddie, it was hard to describe, even if you two were just friends for the time being.

“No, I’m serious,” Eddie explains through a hushed laugh, “she fell asleep in the middle of dinner, face full of chicken noodle and didn’t even wake up when I moved her.”

“Please tell me you cleaned her off at least.”

“I wiped her face down but I’ll have to give her a bath in the morning—it’s the weekend anyways so I’ll take care of that and drop her off with my uncle.”

“Does he take her on weekends all the time now?” You ask curiously.

“Since they started making him take mandatory weekends off, yeah.” Eddie says, “Man is even more stubborn in his old age.”

“Well,” You say with a sweet tone, dragging out the word, “we could hang out.”

Eddie knows you’re making fun of him, but he gives into it.

“I still fully intend on taking you on a date.” Eddie promises.

“I know,” You nod despite his lack of being able to see you, “I enjoy this a lot more, if I’m being honest.”

“Would be a lot nicer in person,” Eddie hints at, letting out a soft groan as he sinks into his mattress. You were already there, turned over on your stomach with your head in your palm, phone pressed firmly to your ear, “like, a lot nicer.”

“Eddie, just ask.”

“Do you want to? Come over?” Eddie asks hopefully, “I can cook dinner again—maybe without the car trouble this time.”

“Eh, I don’t know.” You say with a sense of hesitancy, only joking.

“Hey—“

“You didn’t let me finish,” You complain, stopping his rant before it began, “I was going to say that you deserve a change of scenery, why don’t you come over to my place instead?”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Sounds like a good fuckin’ idea to me.” Eddie responds lowly, free hand resting against his bare stomach, “A smart, pretty girl inviting me over for dinner? How could I say no?”

“Smart, surely. I’ve got the degrees to prove it.” You tell him proudly, “Pretty—mmm, I don’t know.”

“Fucking beautiful, in fact.” Eddie flirts openly, feeling less constrained in his language now that Riley wasn’t around.

You smile to yourself, still hung up on one small thing, “I never said anything about cooking for you, to be clear—there’s a reason I don’t even cook for myself.”

“I’ll cook then.” Eddie says in a compromise, “I don’t mind.”

And Eddie is nothing if not thorough, waiting at your door Saturday night with a trove of bags, enough to cook for a full family, complete with wine and all.

He looks a little fancier—like he put on his newest pair of jeans and shirt, still him but more done up. You stare down at your pajamas, blocking the doorway. It was a matching set of lilac satin, loose button up top and shorts to match, fuzzy socks to keep your feet warm—and now, you just felt embarrassed.

But all Eddie has to say is, “Cute.” with a satisfied smirk, bags held tight in his grip.

“Shut up.” You grumble, dragging him inside and shutting the door behind him.

You waste no time pouring you both a hefty glass of wine, spreading yourself out on the chair nestled under the island in your kitchen, giving Eddie free-roam of whatever he needs.

Eddie preps and sets up the food with little small talk, focused on the task at hand.

“You’re really serious when you cook.” You comment, halfway through your glass. “It’s…cute.”

Eddie huffs a weak laugh, stirring the food in the pan before turning toward you, “Cute? Is that all you got?”

“Hot, attractive, take your pick.” You shrug, smiling around the rim of your cup.

“You don’t drink often, do you?” Eddie asks, eyeing you suspiciously. He wipes his hands on the clean towel before tossing it on the counter, sliding his glass slowly along the island as he travels toward you, linger beside the unoccupied seat.

“I’m not drunk.” You insist. It was true, you weren’t. But given the high you felt being around Eddie like this, alone, for the first time—you might as well be.

Eddie’s eyes squint, narrowing as he judged your response, lips pulling into a tight line.

“How long until it’s done?” You ask, nodding toward the stove.

Eddie approaches slowly, shoving himself between you and the empty chair, sipping generously on the wine. “Uh, half hour—maybe a little less.”

“Oh, okay.” You nod slowly, turning toward him, legs widening wordlessly to welcome him.

You two remained relatively distant in public, given the situation—and not that he was obligated to act any certain way, but the tension was there the moment he stepped inside of your apartment. It was written all over his face, his body language.

“Yeah.” Eddie says mindlessly, eyes trailing the line of your exposed neck, the start of your top where the first button is undone, the hair that’s thrown over your shoulder and giving him a perfect view.

“Eddie.” You interject his trailing thoughts, eyes pleading.

He blinks, a silent “Can I?” that never comes. You smile welcomingly, pulling at the center of his shirt to force him toward you. His hand instantly slips around the back of your neck to cradle your head, tipping it up to meet his gaze as he bends slightly, forcing himself between the small space you had created for him, knees bracketing his hips.

He’s an absolute menace as he leans forward, lips brushing against yours to pull away just as quick, causing you to grunt in frustration, chasing his fleeing lips.

“Stop that.” You complain, mouth pulled down in a full frown as you look up at him, eyes glazed over in frustration.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Eddie chuckles, rubbing the back of your head with his thumb, causing you to lean into the touch. “Feels good?”

“Mhm.” You hum softly, eyes falling shut as his hand trailer back down your neck, squeezing softly, pulling a pained moan from you.

There wasn’t enough massaging in the world that could fix your tight muscles, but if it was bound to bring those sounds out, Eddie would work as long as it took.

“Eddie, you’re really starting to frustrate me.” You complain, letting him work at the muscles tenderly.

“I’m just trying to help you out.” He insists and you peek an eye open, his devilish smiling and heated gaze staring right back. “If you want something so bad just take it.”

“Fine.” You retort, fisting your hand into his collar and pulling him in, lips pressing against his in a way that’s almost bruising—that metaphorical dam breaking after weeks of lingering touches and little contact, and god dammit you just wanted to feel good.

Eddie’s also a very physical kisser, something you were just now learning, his hands slipping under your silk top and squeezing at the skin, his gentle nudges of his nose forcing your head back, lips latching onto your neck just as fast, but you’re not having it. You pull away, eyeing him tensely.

“Nuh uh.” You say with a head shake, gripping his face in between your fingers, pulling his mouth back to yours, tongue dragging across his top lip until he’s parting them, and it’s the first time Eddie sighs, his tongue grazing against your own.

“The dinner…” His voice lingers, “We can’t get distracted.”

“Don’t act like you weren’t asking for it,” You counter, pulling back slightly to look at him—he’s guilty, you can see it written all over his face, “and last time I checked, we still had at least twenty minutes to waste.”

“If only I had some ideas.” Eddie says dreamily, sighing against your mouth as he kisses back lazily, soft pillowy lips grazing yours sweetly.

You pull back after a moment, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth and eyes flicking up toward him—he was at your will instantly. Your hands wandered toward the belt wrapped tightly around his waist, the old and worn out belt buckle outline of metal handcuffs pairing with the leather perfectly. You tug roughly and Eddie grunts, hands flying out to his side as he stumbles forward.

“I have one.” You say softly, “How efficient are you?”

“Huh—uh, depends.” Eddie tells you, stammering over his words. “It’s been, um, a while—so, yeah—“

The words linger between you both and Eddie is expecting some judgment, but it never comes. You were in the same boat, mostly—aside from the very rare and occasional hookup with someone from the bar in town, but that had also been months ago.

Your palm flattens out and rubs over the front of his jeans—Eddie was already there from the moment his lips touched yours, his dick pressing a hard line against the seam of his dark jeans.

Eddie’s eyes squeeze shut out of habit, forcing himself to concentrate—it's not like he’s as inexperienced or young as he once was but he’s also never been the best at holding out, his eagerness always getting the better of him.

“You don’t—you don’t have to.” Eddie insists, hips rocking up into your touch despite his words. “I didn’t expect you to, you know—“

“Put out?” You tease him, smoothly undoing his belt enough that you can reach the button of his jeans, popping it open. The zipper is loud in the silence of your apartment, aside from the distant hum of your television and the food cooking on the stove. “We’re not teenagers, Eddie.”

Eddie’s tired of fighting it, feeling like he needs to be the better person instead of indulging in the things he wants. So, he gives in.

“Fuck it.” He sighs, pulling you up from the chair roughly, hands tangling into your hair while he coerced you backwards toward your couch, nudging your leg up only slightly so you don't fall over the arm, guiding you down carefully.

“Shit, hold on.” Eddie forces out, settling himself over top of you, positioned in between your spread legs as he works his jeans and boxers down swiftly, pressing himself up against your clothed body—and maybe it was a bad idea to wear silk or any clothes at all, for that matter, but you didn’t have time to worry about that. Eddie sighs deeply, nosing under your chin until your neck tips back, running his lips along the hinge of your jaw, using his hands to wrap your legs around his hips until he’s pulled flush to your cunt, the bare heat of his dick apparent even through the thin material.

You giggle softly at his touches, gentle pecks against your skin, light traces of his fingers against your sides, against your rib cage until he gradually reaches your breasts, squeezing the flesh gently.

“Now this,” You speak distantly, voice airy as Eddie tracks his mouth along your jaw, stopping just over your lips, eyes opening lazily to stare at you, “this feels like something we’d be doing if we were still in high school.”

Eddie chuckles audibly, a toothy grin on his face as he moves his hips, gauging your reaction as he rubs against you—it’s not the friction you want, but it’s what you’ll take, glaring at him just as intensely.

“You’re looking at me like you want to say something else.” Eddie comments, slightly out of breath. He adjusts himself against you, the sharpness of his knuckles dragging against your clit teasingly. He hadn’t even meant to, clearly—too distracted by the shallow rise and fall of your chest as he grinded against you, any earlier shame now gone.

You shake your head shyly, pushing his fallen hair away from his face and tucking it behind his ear carefully, admiring the way he leans into your touch, eyes falling shut as he moves, mouth falling open soundlessly, taking the opportunity to drag your thumb across his bottom lip.

“We should stop,” Eddie says regretfully, despite his still moving body, “don’t wanna—mess up your clothes.”

You laugh quietly, tipping his head up slightly to look at you, “I can change.” You tell him, seeing the stress in his face as his eyebrows pull together. “It’s fine, really.”

There’s a small pause of silence, the sound of your clothes dragging together, Eddie’s muffled moans as he buries his face beside your head, turning his head every so often to press absentminded kisses at the shell of your ear, willing himself to last longer than he knows he’s capable. But it’s there and he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold off.

“Can I touch you?” You ask softly, fists pressed against his abdomen, rubbing against the cotton of his shirt, “Do you want me to?”

“Fuck, yes—yeah, please.” Eddie rushes out, creating a tiny space for you to squeeze your hand between, taking him in your hand firmly and giving him more resistance to thrust against, squeezing just enough that it forces him to lose focus, hips faltering. Your thumb swipes over the head, pearlescent precum leaking from the slit. Eddie curses again at the action, having been so starved of another person’s touch—it only takes a few more minutes of your precise but delicate touches before he’s falling apart above you, coming with a strained groan as he spills over your hand and your stomach, indeed making a mess of you.

When Eddie finally gathers himself, he’s got a look of disbelief, barely able to process what had just happened before the timer is going off, signaling to both of you that things had gone on a little longer than necessary.

“Shit—the food.” Eddie panics, tucking himself back into his pants quickly and shoving away from you, skidding toward the kitchen to turn off the stove.

You’re already mostly undressed when he turns around, though your back is to him as you trail toward your room, tossing the dirty clothes away as you reach for some new ones. He’s still watching when you return, a sated grin on his face.

“What?” You ask with a weak laugh, walking toward him. “Do I have something on my face?”

Eddie nods seriously, reaching for your face with his outstretched hand, bringing his lips to the bridge of your nose.

“Now you do.” He mumbles against the skin, leaning your head up to press an even sweeter kiss to your lips before pulling away. “Go, sit down. I’ll get the plates ready.”

“Thank god,” You sigh, patting his lower stomach gently, right at the gap of his still unbuttoned pants, “I’m starving.”

Eddie never leaves that night either. It’s not his fault or yours, an hour of conversation turning into a night. Eddie never gets bored of it, listening to your voices, watching you talk about your job for hours on end, so enraptured by all of your stories, meaningful or not. He could bore you with cars, or music, but he can’t even bring himself to interrupt—only when he decides to interject about Riley. He sees that way your face lights up when you mention her, as does his, but there’s a difference.

Riley is the love of Eddie’s life, it’s so blatantly obvious. He’s spent years trying to figure out what was missing, what he needed to fill that void of abandonment and loneliness—growing up without his mother and father, it was like he was fixing their wrongs and breaking that cycle. He wouldn’t be here without Wayne, but had Riley not entered his life, he wasn’t sure he’d ever find his purpose. Eddie was a semi-retired metal head, a mechanic, but more importantly he was a father.

For you, Riley fills that space that left you so long ago. You knew the possibility of having kids was impossible and it’s why you cherished your job so closely, you treated the children as if they were your own, but Riley takes the cake. Her vibrancy and whimsyness is something you lacked as a child and as an adult even, it’s hard not to smile around her.

Eddie’s soaking your pillow with his wet hair, but you can’t be bothered to care. His arm is tucked up under his hair, eyes following your movements as you shifted under the covers and turned to him, tracing your fingers along the tattoo just over his chest, comfortable in the silence.

Eddie uses his thumb to fiddle with the rings on his left hand, right hand twisting the ring on your own finger. He smiles slightly, bringing your fingertip to his lips to press a gentle kiss.

“Do you want to know?” You ask curiously, voice low.

“If you’re comfortable.” Eddie soothes, “If it’s hard to talk about you don’t have to.”

“It is—but I’ve shoved it away for so long,” You sigh, wrapping your hand around his palm, letting him squeeze it tight, “it was unplanned.”

“I didn’t even think I could have kids,” You explain, “but that was just me being naive—and I had sex without protection once, once.” You stress greatly, “I found out I was pregnant a month later and I was terrified.”

“Whatever happened to the—“

“I didn’t tell him.” You answered simply, “It wouldn’t have made a difference. I was a year off from graduating, I figured I could handle it myself.”

Eddie nods silently, listening as you continue.

“Nothing was wrong—at first. But they had said she was measuring small, which wasn’t that uncommon.” You take a shaky breath, crisp air filling your lungs. “I figured she’d catch up eventually but she never did.”

Eddie says your name softly, an apology in its tone.

“Her heart couldn’t take it.”

And you couldn’t bring yourself to save the words, but Eddie knew. He reaches for you wordlessly, a hand wrapped around to cradle your head, pulling you to him. He pressed a long kiss into the crown of your head, resting his cheek there. He’s silent for a while, tender fingers rubbing into your scalp.

“There were complications during Riley’s delivery.” Eddie says softly, “At least, that’s how they explained it to me. I never really knew what happened, just that she lost a lot of blood and they had to get Riley out quickly.”

“You weren’t in the room?”

“I was slammed at work, I left as soon as she called but I was stuck on the highway—I didn’t find out until after.”

“Oh, Eddie.” You frown, looking up at him.

“Things were—not good, toward the end.” Eddie explains, “We started arguing a lot, but I was really trying to fix things, make it work, you know?”

“Riley only knows her through pictures.” Eddie says, “She knows that her mom isn’t with us, but I haven’t really explained it to her.”

“She’s a force,” You comment fondly, “I’m sure she carries her spirit with her, even if she’s the spitting image of you.”

Eddie huffs a soft laugh, “Anyways, it took about a year for me to deal with it. I don’t think it’ll ever hurt any less, but I had to move on at some point.”

“You…haven’t dated since?” You ask curiously.

“No—well, not until—“ His eyes linger on you and you smirk slightly, “no, I haven’t.”

You rub your hand over his bicep comfortingly, “I don’t expect anything from you, Eddie—and I’m not expecting anything serious, either. I do enjoy spending time with you. Riley too, she’s such a ridiculous ball of energy.”

“I just don’t know how this shit works anymore.” Eddie laughs sadly, “But, I’ve never seen Riley interact with someone so easily before.”

“I’m her teacher.” You remind him humorously, “She’s around me constantly, it makes sense.”

Eddie smiles, “She keeps asking me to invite you over for another dinner and saying that we could have a sleepover.”

You raise your eyebrow in question, a laugh bubbling from your lips.

“Sometimes we pig out on junk food and watch movies in my room—that’s what she calls it, she always falls asleep halfway through the first movie.”

“I would love to—I just don’t want her getting the wrong ideas.” You tell him regretfully, not that you weren’t already enamored with them both. “Or trying to force myself into a position that doesn’t feel right.”

“Are you scared of her accidentally calling you mom?” Eddie grins and you roll your eyes with a faint annoyance, “I think you’ll be okay.”

“No, no—“ You interject seriously, “I think we should figure out what this is before we try to explain anything to her, but I don’t want you feeling pressured to label it.”

“I don’t feel pressured,” Eddie shakes his head, “but you can’t avoid Riley outside of school forever if we keep this up, eventually you’ll have to face her. She’s a huge part of my life.”

You smile slightly, laughing fondly to yourself.

“And I really hope you are too.” Eddie adds, staring down at you vulnerably, “In whatever form that is.”

Riley begs Eddie every day after she hears your voice on the phone the following week, Eddie being caught too red-handed to deny it. That night ends with you talking to Riley for almost an hour, her cadence never faltering until Eddie has to pry that phone from her tiny death grip.

“She’s asking if you’ll come over for Christmas.” Eddie tells you. Silently, Eddie was just as hopeful. “Well—demanding is more accurate.”

“Daddy,” Riley whines, “She has too.”

“You heard her.” Eddie adds, awaiting your response as Riley stared him down.

“I suppose so.” You agree, “But, only because Riley wants me too.”

“She said yes.” Eddie whispers to Riley, a cheerful screaming ripping through the receiver, “God—okay, let’s not do that again.”

“Sorry.” She giggles, enveloping Eddie in a bear hug.

“Get in your pajamas,” Eddie tells her, “I’ll be in your room in a couple minutes.”

“But Eddie, she wasn’t done telling me about her favorite color.” You beg jokingly, “It’s yellow, by the way.”

“I know,” Eddie responds with a fair amount of attitude, “you two can finish it in when you come over—on Christmas.”

Eddie would never admit he was jealous of Riley stealing his time with you—even if he did watch with a scowl as Riley made you laugh more than he did.

And when Christmas finally rolls around, Riley is stuck to your side every moment of it. You made a huge deal of the affair, buying matching pajamas and all. Eddie doesn’t put up much of a fight either, not with both of you threatening him so viciously.

Eddie hated being tickled and Riley was very persistent when she wanted something.

You had decided to come over the night before, spending Christmas Eve having the sleepover that Riley had talked about for a while—and like Eddie had told you, she was asleep halfway through the first movie, crashing hard from her sugar high.

He tucks Riley into bed with no problem before spending the rest of the night shoved up beside you on the couch, both of you falling asleep deep in the night without realizing—woken up by a proding tiny finger shoved in both of your faces.

It’s Christmas!” Riley had cheered, both of you two groggy to react immediately, “Wake up!”

“We’re up, we’re up.” Eddie repeats, using his palms to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

You and Eddie had both agreed on no gifts for each other, not wanting the other to feel obligated about spending money on one another, focusing solely on Riley.

It’s the happiest you’ve been in a while, used to spending your holidays alone, not celebrating and wallowing in your own self-pity. But, it’s a reminder how easily life can give, just as quickly as it can take away.

Riley crawls into your lap later that afternoon, a cheeky smile on her face.

“What are you up to?” You ask suspiciously.

Riley grins wide, her fist closed tight.

And holy shit—her tooth had finally fallen out. It has been hanging on for days and Eddie was dreading the day he had to pull it, already too squeamish for his own good.

You gasp in shock, thankful that Eddie was out on the porch smoking and couldn’t hear you.

“Oh my god, Ri—“ You tell her, pulling open her first to—indeed, a tooth. “How did that happen?”

“I pushed it with my tongue really hard and it went pop,” Riley responds comically, using her free hand to extend her fingers out to mimic the sound, “but now my mouth tastes funny.”

“That’s blood, sweetheart.” You explain, seeing the small amount staining her bottom lip. You rise with her, settling her on your hip until you can reach the counter, placing her next to the sink.

“Blood?” She asks in a squeaky tone, immediately panicking.

“It’s normal—that’s what happens when you lose teeth.” You explain to her, watching as she touched the tooth with her finger, rolling it around. You scrunch up a paper towel and press it to the missing tooth, “Here, keep that there for a couple minutes and it should stop.”

“Okay.” She muffles around the tissue, kicking her sock covered feet out lazily.

“Hey, I got an idea.” You whisper to her, “Do you want to pull a prank on your daddy?”

Riley giggles softly, nodding in response.

You lean forward to whisper in her ear, devising the perfect plan.

Eddie comes inside a few minutes later, face flushed from the cold wind as he hangs his jacket up, only noticing Riley when she turns to him. His eyes nearly bulged out of his head, running to her side immediately.

“Woah—wha—what happened?” Eddie asks in a panic, eyes flicking between you and Riley.

Riley pulls away the blood-stained paper towel, grinning excessively wide.

“Hey! It finally came out.” Eddie says cheerfully, grilling her chin to inspect the vacant spot in her mouth, “Where is it?”

“I…swallowed it.” Riley says sheepishly, putting on her best acting skills. She frowns, eyes welling with tears.

“Hey—what’s wrong?” Eddie asks, looking up at you desperately. You shrug.

“Now I don’t have a tooth for the tooth fairy.” She says sadly and if you weren’t in on it, it could’ve brought you to tears too.

“Oh, Ri—it’s okay.” Eddie assures her.

“But the tooth fairy needs teeth.” Riley argues, “And mine is in my belly.”

Eddie wishes he had some prior experience with this, but he's at a loss, hoping your familiarity with kids and these situations would come in handy—he’s floundering, unsure of how to cheer Riley up. It’s was fucking Christmas after all.

“Just kidding!” Riley says giddily, flashing the tooth still gripped tightly in her fist, shoving it into Eddie’s face. Riley smiles up at you, waiting for your judgment.

“Good job.” You tell her, offering her your fist. She reaches over her free hand and bumps it lightly.

“Oh, ha ha.” Eddie deadpans, “You two are hilarious.”

“Thank you.” You respond genuinely, hand placed over your heart. “She’s got a real career ahead of her.”

Eddie rolls his eyes lightheartedly, “I knew putting you two together was a bad idea.”

“Horrible.” You agree, heaving Riley up into your arms as she extended her own, meeting Eddie with matching mischievous smiles.

Eddie flashes up the note at you—the one had told Riley to leave under her pillow that night with her tooth listing all of the things she’d hoped for in exchange for it. He was expecting dolls or cars or any sort of toy that she was obsessed with over the month, not even close to what she actually writes down.

He can’t even read it at first, squinting his eyes to try and make out her messy scribbles before you have to yank it from his grip. You’re only a few words in before your face falls.

It’s hard to make out, your name misspelled and illegible but the thought was there—but from what you can read, it says:

‘I want her to come live with me and daddy. My friends talk about their mommy’s and all I have is my daddy. My mommy is up in heaven but if she stays, she could be my new mommy.’

You sob without question, shoving the paper at Eddie.

It takes him a moment to catch up through Riley’s handwriting, but he gets the gist—face falling just as fast.

“Hey, hey,” Eddie attempts to comfort, “I didn’t—I didn’t expect her to write something like that, otherwise I would have let you read it first.”

You bury your face into your hands, trying to process it all.

“I didn’t know she felt that way—I mean, she loves you obviously. But, she never talks about her mom. I didn’t—I couldn’t have—“

Eddie can’t make this any better, any easier—it was a horrible punch to his chest, knocking the air out of him.

“It’s okay,” You assure him through a broken sigh, “I just need a minute.”

Eddie pulls you into his chest, letting you calm yourself down before speaking, his cheek pressed against the top of your head comfortingly, the sound of his heart pounding in your ears.

He was just as terrified as you. Kids always made everything much more complicated, but the more it settled with you, it might’ve been exactly what you needed.

“I’m scared.” You tell him honestly, “Everything in my life always ends up fading away at some point, I don’t know if I can handle losing this if I commit to it.”

“Is that why you’re scared?” Eddie asks curiously, bordering on incredulous as he turns your face up to look at him. “That you’ll fuck this up somehow?”

“How long have we known each other, Eddie?”

“A little over three months.” He answers casually, wondering why you were taking this line of questioning with him.

“Does that seem rushed to you?” You ask hesitantly. In reality, you’d never felt something more natural.

“I knew Riley’s mom for not even a day before we knew we wanted to be together—not that any of that matters, but all that is such bullshit. I like you, I’ve liked you since I saw you—“

“But—“

“No—I don’t think you realize how much this means to Riley, or me. She loves you, she tells me constantly. And frankly, I’m right fuckin’ there with her.”

You frown again, deeper as your eyes begin to sting.

“I’m never going to push you into anything, but I can assure you that Riley is going to be super disappointed if her wish doesn’t come true—not after how much you hyped up the tooth fairy.” It’s a lighthearted attempt at a joke, it hurts but it works, causing you to laugh softly.

“Do you want this?” You ask hesitantly, “Long term?”

“Are you really asking me that?” Eddie asks, eyes pleading.

“How the hell do we tell her?”

“Considering what she wrote on that note, I think she already knows.”

Riley was more intelligent than she let on, even at such a young age. And even if she didn’t fully understand, seeing her dad smile was the first sign, but it was also all she needed.

“We’ll do it together.” Eddie comforts you, “Okay?”

You nod slowly, eyes searching his. He smiles lopsided, thumb rubbing against the corner of your mouth.

“I love you.” You tell him suddenly. “I just want to say that.”

Eddie feels like his thunder was yanked out from under him, shoving you gently. “That’s so unfair,” He complains, “—couldn’t even let me say it.”

He’s only joking, causing you to smile now, tears forgotten.

“You’ll live”. You tell him, poking at his cheek to force the scowl off his face. “Won’t you?”

Eddie shrugs, falling back on his mattress and pulling you along with him. “We’ll see.”

As long as he had Riley and you, Eddie had nothing to worry about.

[gay-wh0re-slut]

Hi! Angsty request, please?

Reader has feelings for Rhea for a long time, but never mentioned it because she didn’t want to ruin their friendship and make it awkward at work. She also never thought they had a chance together so she kept it to herself. At some point she’s starting to have a crush on someone else, starting going out with that person and is finally ready to move on, but somehow Rhea finds out about reader’s feelings from before and gets sad and frustrated, because it was mutual, Rhea just kept it to herself too. It’s becomes too much for Rhea to see the reader happy with someone else, kissing them, hugging them when it could have been her if both weren’t such chickens, so she distances herself and when reader confronts her Rhea explodes.

No need for smutty ending, but lots of fluff? After the lots of angst 🥲

ooooo this is a good one!! i can already tell that this might be a long one so buckle up buttercup hahaha

after writing: okay so it wasn’t that long but i hope i did it justice

Too Late

rhea x fem!reader

content: angst with a side of angst and fluff for dessert :)

Clocking into work was getting easier and easier. It was your dream to work for WWE and you finally got it. You haven’t worked here for long but long enough to know who you liked and didn’t like. Out of everyone you liked Rhea Ripley the most. Though she was a big scary heel on screen, she was the biggest sweetheart when the cameras weren’t rolling. She would always make sure you were doing well and sometimes bring you random snacks throughout the day because she knew that you wouldn’t eat unless told to because you were always so busy.

“Please take the damn offer,” she would say.

“Fine, fine,” you’d snatch it jokingly, “but I can feed myself,” but you loved when she would take care of you.

You two were pretty close, when you had the time, neither of you would be seen without the other, the two of you were inseparable. You had multiple inside jokes and the other members of the judgment day would join in on them too. Often they would ask you where Rhea was before anyone else, and you always knew the answer.

In the past few months though, you’ve realized that you were actually in love with the australian. You refused to tell her because it never seemed that she was into you. You for sure didn’t tell anyone either, especially Dom, they were closer than you would ever be with Rhea.

So you carried on, trying to push down the feelings as long as possible. One day, an old fling texted you asking how you were and the casual small talk.

“Who’s got you smiling like that? Obviously not me,” Rhea asked.

You immediately got embarrassed, “an old friend,” you simply say.

“Yeah?” she peaked over at your phone and you quickly moved it away, “looks more like an old friend to me.”

“We used to…mess around. She just wanted to see how I was doing, we haven’t talked in over two years,” you weren’t lying but talking to this old fling made you realize you never got over them fully.

“Mmm,” was all she said.

“What? You jealous?” you laugh.

“No,” she lied, “just thought I was the only one that made you smile like that,” she joked.

“Shut up,” you fake punched her arm, “I smile at a lot of things.”

The old fling and you texted for a few weeks before you decided to go on a ‘second first date’. It went pretty well, to be honest and you scheduled another one…and another one…and another one. Eventually, you were hanging out every night, reminiscing about old times, which made you realize that maybe she was the right person, wrong time.

Rhea on the other hand was becoming very jealous.

“Where is she?” she asked Damian.

“I’m not sure, I thought you would know,” he shrugged. “Is she not with her girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend?!”

“She didn’t tell you?” he was surprised because he knew how close you two were or used to be.

“No,” she growled.

“She seems happy though,” he rubbed her back for comfort.

“She would’ve been happier with me,” her voice became small.

“What?” his eyes were wide, “What’s that supposed to mean, hermana?”

“I loved her,” tears were forming in her eyes.

“Hey, hey,” he pulled her in to hug her tightly, “You gotta tell her before it becomes too serious.”

Enough time has passed so you thought it was time to bring your new girlfriend to work and meet all your coworkers. You introduced her to many people but you wanted her to meet Rhea especially, she was your best friend after all.

“Rhea! This is my girlfriend!” you were holding hands, “I actually think you two would get along pretty well, you have similar personalities,” you laughed.

“Hey,” she said in a monotoned voice, “nice to meet you.”

“Right…well,” you turned to your girlfriend, “why don’t you get us some lunch and we can talk more then, yeah?”

“Sure, baby,” your girlfriend kissed you, “see you later Rhea,” she waved as she walked away.

Rhea gave her a weak smile.

“What was that about?” you crossed your arms at her.

“What?” Rhea obviously did not look happy.

“You don’t approve?”

“No, I do,” she looked down at the floor shuffling her feet, “just tired today is all.”

You could tell she was lying but you didn’t want to push it. Squinting at her trying to figure out what she was really feeling, “okay, well get some rest then, do you want her to get you some food?”

“Oh no, I’m good, thanks.”

You were getting annoyed very quickly at her lack of enthusiasm. Why couldn’t she be happy for you, you thought. “I’ll see you later then,” your voice was a little stern.

“Yeah,” and she walked off.

You scoffed. What is going on?

Weeks passed and you’ve barely spoken to the wrestler and it was eating you alive. You couldn’t think of a reason why she wouldn’t want to talk to you. You’ve reached out multiple times and have either gotten short answers or nothing at all.

“It’ll be okay, baby, just ask her about it tomorrow,” your girlfriend said caressing your arm. The two of you were sat on your couch watching a movie.

“I hope so, she’s my… best friend,” you leaned into her touch. Only then did you remember that you wanted her to be more than friends, and a small part of you still did. You thought about how your girlfriend and Rhea actually did have similar if not identical, personalities and that she was just a fill in for the real thing. You couldn’t help feeling guilty about the whole situation, using your girlfriend to fill the Rhea sized void in your heart. It ached, and you realized nothing will be the same.

She reached her hand to your chin and turned you towards her, “It will be,” as she kissed you gently, but now, as if a flip was switched, you felt nothing for her and everything for the goth wrestler who seemed to have left you in the dark.

You could barely sleep that night. You tossed and turned thinking of all the things you could say to her. Should you just admit that all along you had feelings for her? Or should you ask about her avoiding you first? Or ask the judgment day what you should do because they know her too? You couldn’t decide, and it was killing you. You cried in frustration until you fell asleep.

The sun came up and blinded you awake. “God,” you grumbled shielding your eyes. You look at the time and it was earlier than you expected, “whatever,” as you get out of bed anyway.

After a short nights sleep you decide to text Damian about what you should do.

“Hey,” you started.

“Hola amiga, long time no talk,” he was always so fun to text.

“I have a question, pretty serious if that’s okay?”

“Shoot.”

“So I’ve realized that I actually have feelings for Rhea and I was wondering if there was a way that you could help? Rhea won’t talk to me,” you were shaking as you typed your secret.

“Well good news, mí amiga, she likes you too, but the only thing I could think to get her to talk to you would be to confront her in person. You know she’s a no nonsense woman,” you could feel that he was smiling at his phone.

“Why didn’t she ever tell me?!”

“She was afraid you wouldn’t feel the same,” he simply put.

“I felt the same way,” you sent first. His typing bubble came up but you sent another one first, “Will she be there today?”

The bubble went away for a few seconds then, “Yes,” was all he said.

“Thank you for your help.”

“Anytime,” he responded as you got your keys and went to the venue.

As the drive went on you got angrier and angrier. “Why didn’t she tell me?” you said to yourself. “Damn it Rhea,” you hit your hand on the steering wheel.

You whipped your car into a spot and sped walked inside, “Where’s Rhea?” you asked Finn who just happened to be at the door.

“In the locker room, love. Everything okay?” he looked concerned.

“Just peachy,” you lied as you whizzed past him.

You reached the locker room and took a deep breath before entering not wanting to set off that you were upset if other women were there. Unfortunately, there were, so you found the tattooed woman and asked her to meet you by your car, away from listening ears.

After five long minutes she finally walked out. She strutted her way to your car, “what’s wrong? You good?” she said as if nothing was wrong.

“Are you?” you shot back.

“Woah! What’s with the attitude?” she leaned her hand on your trunk with her other on her hip and her feet crossed.

You couldn’t wait any longer so you just blurted it out, “Why didn’t you tell me that you loved me?”

“I always did?” she scrunched her face, “I told you all the time.” Which was true, you told each other that whenever you could, but as best friends.

“That’s not what I meant and you know that,” you pointed before crossing your arms.

She sighed as she leaned her back on your car, now she was crossing her arms looking for something to say.

“Well?” you push.

“It doesn’t matter now, you’re with her,” she gestured outwards.

“Yes it does matter, it matters more than anything else right now.”

“Why?” she finally looked at you.

“Because!” you started but hesitated, “because I- it does!”

“That’s not an answer,” she was getting upset now.

“You haven’t talked to me for weeks and you’re acting like nothing is wrong,” you threw your hands up before slapping them down on your thighs.

“Nothing is wrong,” she said calmly, which you knew meant she was furious.

“Clearly something is, so tell me,” you leaned your shoulder on the unknown car beside you.

“Just drop it, it’s not worth our time,” she began to walk away.

You stopped her by stepping her front of her, “Don’t walk away from me. This is the most you’ve talked to me in what? a month? We have all day, I know your schedule by heart, you have nothing to do today except an interview at eight and it’s only twelve.”

Her tongue glided over her teeth inside her mouth, as she seethed with rage but tried to keep her cool, “I said drop it,” she looked down at you.

“You don’t scare me,” you squinted.

She exhaled loudly before stepping away from you pressing her thumb and pointer finger to the bridge of her nose, “Fuck it,” she said quietly, “Fuck it!” she yelled throwing her hands up in surrender. “You wanna know what’s wrong?”

“That’s why we’re here!”

“What’s wrong is that you got a pretty new girlfriend when I’ve been there for you through everything,” she yelled. “I made sure you were welcomed, I made sure you ate, I made sure you were safe, I facetimed you when you drove home so I knew you made it okay! Hell, I drove you home sometimes and picked you up! I told you allllll my secrets and troubles and you just up and leave me for someone else,” she finally took a breath.

You took the opportunity to intervene, “I didn’t leave you, you left me! You’re the one that stopped talking to me! And we weren’t together, you don’t have control over me and even if we were, you still don’t!”

“No, but I can worry! You spend all your time with what’s-her-name that you never have any left for me!” she pointed to herself.

“As if I haven’t tried to reach out? Multiple times I’ve tried to ask you to come over so you can get to know her and you either never respond or say no when I know you could’ve,” a lump in throat was starting to form.

“Because I couldn’t handle seeing you happy with someone else! Is that what you wanted to hear?” she finally admitted.

Your mouth dropped open, “Yes, actually, it is!”

“Fuck, (y/n)!” she turned away from you with her hands in fists sitting on her hips as she was looking at the sky. “I…” she calmed herself down and she turned back around, “I couldn’t stand looking at you being with someone else because it should’ve been me,” her voice sounded defeated.

“So why didn’t you tell me?” you reciprocated the tone.

“Because I didn’t know if you felt the same,” she sighed.

The lump in your throat was bigger than it was and tears were forcing their way out but you didn’t let them, “Well, I do.”

“I know.”

“You know? Who told you?” your face contorted.

“Damian,” the two of you said at the same time.

“Fucking Damian, bro,” you giggle.

“He was never good with secrets,” she laughed with you.

The laughter became louder and louder as it went on. Both of you realized how ridiculous this whole thing was which made you laugh even harder. Gravity pulled you down because you were stumbling around trying to keep yourself standing, while watching her lean on your car holding her stomach. The more you watched each other lose it, the more you laughed.

You finally calmed down enough to catch your breath, “We’re so stupid,” you wiped the tears, “how could we not tell that we-” you laughed again.

“I don’t know!” she shrugged and joined you again.

It wasn’t as much this time, but your stomach was sore and your face hurt from smiling so much, “Damn it, I gotta break up with her,” you finally said.

“If you really do love her, don’t do that,” she was sad that she said that but she needed to play devils advocate.

“No, I do, she was a replica, but she wasn’t you,” you admit.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When I said you had similar personalities, I meant that she was exactly like you, it was kinda weird.”

“Well,” she scoffed, “she could never be me,” she flexed her arms.

“Oh my god, please,” you joked as you push her arms down but you loved the confidence she had, “But no, she couldn’t.”

Before you could walk away she grabbed you and pulled you in for a deep, tight hug. You easily fell into it, holding onto her for dear life. This is where you’re meant to be, you thought. You stayed like that for what felt like forever, but you didn’t mind. Sadly, she let go but left you with a kiss on the top of your head.

“Now I really have to break up with her because I want to kiss you so bad,” you said embarrassed.

“Call her,” she was serious.

“That’s awful, it needs to be in person,” you rebutted.

“Call her, or I’ll do it myself,” she held out her hand for you to give her your phone.

“Oh god no,” you pulled your hands away, “fine.”

“And put her on speaker.”

“That’s a definite no,” as you dialed the number.

It rang twice with Rhea staring at you waiting for her to answer.

“Hey, uhm so this is awkward but I’m breaking up with you…You figured?!” you looked at Rhea with confusion as she smiled wider, “So you knew that this wouldn’t last?” your crossed your arm, “Yeah okay, I’m sorry I lead you on…feel free to text me if you want to, totally understand if not,” you laughed nervously, “Yep…okay yeah, bye.”

“Well that was easy,” her smile was bright and her eyes were brighter.

You didn’t say another word as you grabbed her face and pulled her down for a kiss. The two of you sighed with relief as your lips continued to dance against hers. Nothing felt more normal, like you’ve been doing this forever and you couldn’t wait for more. Your hands roaming over her arms and waist as she cupped your jaw ever so gently.

“Hey guys!” you heard Dom say from a distance, “Ah! Oh, sorry…I’ll just uh…” he shielded his eyes before peeking through his fingers, “They ordered pizza,” he pointed his thumb to the door, “If you want some… no? Okay yeah, see you later,” as he went back inside.

You let go of her as soon as he started, rolling your eyes jokingly. The two of you laughed as your forehead’s touched, “We should probably-”

“Yeah, let’s go,” she held your hand and escorted you inside.

[first-edition]

Fox and the Hound

Sandor Clegane x reader

Chapter 4

1 - 2 -3 -4

Sum-Joffrey wants to send a message to your family after your brother embarrasses him, so he marries you off to his most unwanted man in his court, the hound. But will this marriage truly be a statement for an eyesore, or will it grow into something more. 

Cw for chapter, cussing, 18+ language and themes, insults, fighting, gossiping, alcohol consumption.

Standing next to the hound you watch as Marcella cries as she's rowed out to seat the larger journey ship. Tommen cries as his sister leaves his sight past the rocks. Joffrey rolls his eyes at all the attention she's getting.

Your ladies stand a distance away from the hound and yourself not wanting to be near him. He looks down to you briefly before Joffrey gets bored and walks up the stairs calling him along with him. 

“Come, dog!” he spits out hound follows him with an eye roll. 

“My lady you've been invited to a tea party in the garden with a few of the fellow court ladies' ' your lady in waiting says about to lead you out. 

“Can it wait.” you ask, looking at a cersi whose tears fall silently. She doesn't answer when she sees Sansa follow after her ladies. Your eyes avert to the water again, the light splashes of the water against the rocks before you watch cersei exit the ceremony following shortly after her. 

—-----

Your ladies continue to follow you as you walk through the garden. You huff and stop turning around to them. 

“Will you please possibly go do something else besides follow me like abandoned dogs on the street! I don't need to be followed everywhere I go” you snap at them. They curtsy and scurry off. You sigh, shaking your head. You turn back again seeing the other ladies and Sansa sitting under the gazebo giggling and drinking tea. 

“y/n how lovely for you to join us. We've saved you a seat as well as a cross stitch fold.” lady tyrell says as a guard pulls out the spare chair for you and you take a seat in between lady nighall, and lady cricket. You nod at her smile and a servant pours a cup of tea for you. You take the cross stitch in hand and work on it to occupy the time before the ladies barrel you with questions.

“You wed the hound, sandor clegane yesterday, how exciting.” lady ebsings speak. She's a skinny woman with dark black hair that she keeps in a high ponytail. Her dresses are always too elaborate to function yet she finds a way somehow. She married a man who's rich because he's the top ship seller. 

“Yes I did.” you reply. 

“And what I mean can't be much of a fun experience between a king's guard and a legitimate princess.” lady cricket, a larger woman with brown hair she keeps half up and half down always with a decorative hair pin holding it back. She wears green dresses even though it clashes with her skin tone. 

“It's…new. Being married isn't something I would have thought about for a while but the king thought we’d be a good match so we were wed.” you answer. Lady Tyrell gives you a small smile and nod knowing it was fully forced although liking the way you answered the question. 

“Oh come now spare us the sugar and get to the gritty, the consummation…he’s big?” Lady Nighall retorts, a woman of particular size but on the older side around her mid 40s who doesn't get much action as her husband is flaccid all the time so she indulges herself in self pleasure and pleasure houses as she is the country side's top broker for silver coin. You don't answer her question however. 

“you , did, consummate correct.” She digs for answers.

Once again the uneasy feeling erupts from your stomach as all anyone ever wants to talk about is if you and sandor have bedded. Opening your mouth to tell the truth you're sick of people asking so you lie. 

“Yes…he's very adequate.” you say into your teacup trying to fake a description of the act of sex. You sip on your tea before placing the cup back onto the tray. They all accept Sansa and Lady Tyrell, giggle and quickly speak about their husbands in bed for a short period of time. 

Your eyes attached downwards at the table of various sweets and tea. Lady ebsing speaks once again. 

“A-and how…was he.” she smiles at you. 

“Adequate.” you answer once again. 

“Oh come now you're a deflowered princess with a large husband. I was so sure he might split you in two or least break your neck while holding onto you.” she says as they continue to go back to gossip. 

“The hound is a big ugly brute. I'm surprised. After all, if he were to get married he doesn't deserve a small thing like yourself. No wonder all the maidens fear him. His best quality I guess would be being able to kill a man.” lady nighall says. I look up seeing him standing behind her. 

“Sandor.” you say. 

“I know his name, my dear. I just chose not to use a name. Did you know his mother wouldn't even look at him? Mhm heard that from the grape vein.” she says, sipping her tea. 

“My apologies for disturbing your chatter.” Sandor says through gritted teeth as he had to listen to everything that bitch said about him. His deep gruff voice hitting the ears like a clash of steel. 

“OH!” Lady nighall squeals, dropping her tea cup, spilling the tea on her dress. 

“Damn! Sneaking up on a woman is never a good quality” she exclaims 

“Apologize” he says knowing he's not really sorry. 

“Are you alright sandor?” you ask him. He nods before turning to Sansa who is still scared to look at him. 

“The king requests your presence my lady” he says as she nods and stands. 

“Thank you for having me, it was lovely.” she says and stands before walking off a guard that was standing post walks behind her. 

“Lady nighall maybe instead of indulging yourself in the insulting of other maybe you can focus more on the coin you spend daily to indulge yourself in lord baelish's pleasure house, or more rather hoe he indulges himself in you.'' Sandor retorts. Lady nighalls mouth opens in a gasp. 

“And close that yapper its using up more words than the kingdom” he says which makes her shut her mouth. And the other ladies snorted a giggle at his comment. Nighall looks at you square anger on her face as the hound begins to walk away. 

“I apologize for him.” you say getting up, gathering your skirt and running after your husband.

“Sandor!” You yell gathering your dress chasing after him. 

“Sandor, I'm talking to you!” You yell out to him.

He grumbles, continuing walking away. You stop, stamping your foot against the ground and shout at him.

“SANDOR CLEGANE! YOU STOP THIS INSTANT” You shout. He stops and turns to you before walking back to you. 

“Go back to picking flowers and sewing with the other ladies. I bet there will be more gossip about fox and hound eh!” He barks at you.

“You made me look rude, you should go and apologize to her.” you say 

He scoffs 

“Apologize? APOLOGIZE? My whole damn life I've been apologizing to highborns like yourself not as if any of you are worth it so speaking my mind once in a while..yeah I'll do that especially to over entitled cunts who drown themselves at pleasure houses.” he barks out. 

“Why are you always so hateful!” You snap back at him. 

“You’ll be glad of the hateful things I say someday! When I’m the only thing in your way of a good life and a bad one.” he says.

“I’ve got 3 bad things in my life and if you think you're one of them you’re wrong! I didn’t choose to marry you, but Fuck I’ll make the most of it!” You yell at him. Looking him dead in the eyes. Never in his life has he had someone yell at him and look at him square. His look softens ever so slightly. 

“Go finish your tea party. Eat your cakes and don't spill on your shiny gown and dont fucking call me that.” He spits out before turning away from you walking off. 

“GAH! I hate you!” You huff and turn walking away. Back to the other women. 

You ignore the hound for the rest of the day purposefully feeling your distance when Joffrey and Jaime knight the new king's guard, when you see him following the other guard to look the opposite direction pretending not to notice him. You don't know how much good he will care about it, you're damn sure getting a reaction out of it. 

Night falls and for the second time sandor does not join the room, the mester came to watch the consummation but you had him sent away wanting no one in the room and nothing. Sitting in the bath the water filled in oils and scents making the room smell nice as well. You sigh dipping into the hot water dunking your head under the water. The quiet of nothing for a few seconds before you come back to the surface. 

Moving your wet hair out of your face. You sit to the side and rest your head on your arm and you and your other out of the bathtub letting the water dripping off your finger tips onto the stone flooring. 

The memories of a happier time flood your mouth, your brother and you walking and laughing in the gardens. Him teaching you to ride a horse. Your family in your home's castle. All things you'll never get back. Confined to hatred and stone walls of kings landing. 

—------

The next day you continue to ignore the hound. Although has busy supervising the training of the new guards you pass by the courtyard you can feel his eyes on you. 

“Marriage troubles already?” meryyn says to him as sandor huffs at you. 

“Shut the fuck up trant.” he grumbles. 

“What's wrong clegane aren't performing well.” merryn laughs sandor walks towards merryn and grabs his collar. 

“You dont fucking shut up ill turn your insides to out side do you understand!” he tells me. Before dropping him into the mud. The other men stop to watch merryn trant get told by the larger man. Merryn gets up and draws his sword to sandor. 

“Oh what? You're going to pull out your little sword on me?” Sandor is annoyed with his temper tantrum. 

“Go on then swing it. Show everyone what a big strong man you are!” hound yells at trant. Who then swings his sword missing sandor everyone laughs as merryn only prompting him to swing again missing sandor for a second time.

“Fuck sake.” Sandor rolls his eyes at him, grabbing his sword out of Trant's hands, throwing it to the side and landing a punch on his face. Everyone oohs at the site of merryn getting his ass kicked. He gets up and charges at Sandor with a yell barreling into him pushing him back, tackling him. 

“You fuckign fat ugly cunt!” Sandor yells at him and pushes him over, holding his face into the mud. Jamie walks over with his arms crossed as he chuckles at Merryns struggle. 

“Don't pick a fight you can't win.” Jamie says as Sandor gets up, spitting out the mud that got into his mouth and wiping it off his face. 

“Dumb cunt.” Sandor says before spitting out more mud. 

—-----

You stand in the throne room staring at the iron throne alone, your handmaidens out of your sight finally. Nothing but peace and quiet as you stare at the throne. 

“Beautiful isn't it.” you hear a voice turning to see lord baelish. 

“My lord.” you say nodding your head. 

“Princess.” he answers, taking his place right next to you. 

“It was forged after all the battles against the Targaryens were done. People say that the throne room used to be covered in swords from all the battles, they would melt the swords right down onto the stairs” he says holding his hand out. 

“Where are they now? The other swords?” you ask in wonder.

“Removed when the chair had a new sitter. Children running around. They say servers would trip and impale themselves so often they had to train staff to a speciality. Out of all the brutality the targaryens ensued…they cared for the weary.” he says you continue to look at the throne. 

“You are lady clegane now, yes?” he says

“You were at the wedding banquet, surely you must know.” you say reluctantly. 

“You don't sound pleased.” he says

“I…it's just for the past few days that's all anyone speaks of my being lady clegane the princess away from home…i just…” you trail off. 

“Just what my lady?” he asks. 

You're about to open your mouth to speak again but the door opens and you both turn around seeing sandor half covered in mud. 

“Speak of the demon himself, what brings you? Here to collect for my lady wife?” Baelish says. 

“Fuck off you grey haired squirrel” sandor grunts as he walks twords your way. 

“Why are you muddy? Are you alright?” You ask. 

“Becuase merryn fuckign trant dosnt know when you keep his greasy fucking tits out of the way. Picked a fight while over seeing guarding fucking cock sucker. He says passing you both.

“Don't keep us waiting to tell if you win?” Baelish asks. 

“Fuck…off.” he huffs walking down through the hall to the council room. Also reminding lord baelish why he was walking through the throne room. 

“I beg pardon my lady, I wish you a good night.” he says bowing before following after sandor.

Chapter 5 here

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Forgetting

Carol Danvers x fem!reader Warnings: established relationship, long distance, fluffy times, explicit language, implied sex (let me know if I've missed anything!) Word Count: 1.2k

Summary: It's been nearly a year since you've seen your girlfriend and almost two months since you've heard from her. And you're beginning to worry that she's forgotten about you. After all, the universe is a big place.

357 days. That’s how long it had been since you’d seen your girlfriend. You tried to think of yourself like a military spouse. After all, Carol did used to be in the Air Force. And she did travel to far-away, dangerous places to protect people, with very limited communication for long periods of time. It’s just that her dangerous locations were in other galaxies instead of other countries.

You were used to her being gone or, well, as used to it as you could be. The longer her absence went on, the more used to it you got, but somehow it also became harder. When she first set off on this mission, she’d been in your galaxy, so communications had come faster and with more regularity. Less space and time for them to travel through. But the farther away she got, the longer it took her messages to get to you. You were lucky if you got one email a month.

It wasn’t personal. You knew that. She was far away. Even with the best technology S.H.I.E.L.D. could provide to a civilian, her communication with you was still slow and limited. But, god, you missed her. You missed her laugh. You missed the warmth of her next to you in bed. You missed the way she propped her leg up when she sat down, no matter what kind of chair it was. You hung on every word of her emails, going over them so often you’d memorized them.

It had been two months since Carol’s last email. It was a long time to go without communication, even for her. The irrational part of your brain was desperately worried for her. There’s no telling what kind of high-risk situations she got herself into out there. But you knew that if anyone could handle themselves against all the forces of evil in the universe, it was Carol. You also knew that S.H.I.E.L.D. would have contacted you immediately had anything happened to her.

Another part of your brain–equally irrational but much harder to talk down–worried that Carol had forgotten you. The universe that Carol traversed was huge. Infinite, even. She saw things no one else had ever seen. Met people and experienced cultures that were so different from ours on Earth that we’d never even dream them up. Who’s to say she hadn’t found somewhere–someone–more beautiful than here, with you? She saw entire worlds, the neverending canvas of space and time. How could it possibly be that, of all the things in the known universe, you were the one worth coming home to? You always worried that maybe, this time, you weren’t.

As you climbed into bed, missing, as always, the feeling of Carol’s arms wrapped around you, the rise and fall of her chest as she slept, you once again pulled up her most recent email. From 61 days ago.

Hi, baby. I hope all’s well on Earth. I’m sad I’m missing spring–you know it’s my favorite season. Are there apricots on the tree yet? Or just buds? I’d give an arm for an apricot right now. I’m farther out than normal, so you might not hear from me for a while. One of the Andromedas. 2.7 lightyears away, if you can believe it. It scares me a little to be so far away from you.

I know I’ve said it before, but it gets lonely out here. Sometimes I wish you could come with me, but I know your body wouldn’t handle space-time travel like mine does. Superhero probs. Also, it’s probably not fair for me to make you put your entire life on pause just because I miss you like crazy.

It’s so beautiful out here in a weird, quiet way. I wish you could see it. Yesterday, I passed a pulsar. A star carcass, as I like to call them. They’re these gigantic masses of spinning light that put out radio signals (which might interfere with how quickly you get this, fuck pulsars). You’ve never seen something so big. So big it’s almost hard to believe it’s really there.

Anyway. I’m rambling. I miss you so much. I always miss you, but this time feels harder for some reason. I miss the way your eyes crinkle when you smile. I miss the way your hair sticks up in the morning. I miss kissing you. I miss doing more than kissing you. I just miss you.

I’m not sure when I’ll get home, but I think about you every day, every second. Nothing in this galaxy or the next or the next compares to you. Please stay safe. Don’t be sad. Snuggle Goose for me.

I love you.

Carol

You fell asleep reading through the email, again and again, your phone going dark in your hand beside you as you drifted off. You dreamed of pulsars. You dreamed of Carol.

Hours later, you jerked awake, gasping, as you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, hey!” a voice said, calming, reassuring. “It’s just me.”

You’d know that voice anywhere. “Carol!” you squealed, grabbing her and pulling her onto the bed with you, holding her as tight as possible so she could never, ever leave you for so long again. “You’re home!”

You felt her smile against you as she buried her face in your neck, wrapping her strong arms around you. She smelled metallic, almost like gunpowder; you knew it by now–the smell of space. “Hi, baby,” she whispered, breathing you in. “I missed you so much.”

Still holding you close, Carol sat up a bit to just look at you, just take you in. She ran her hand along your cheekbone and pressed a warm kiss to your mouth. A kiss you’d been so desperate for, you thought you might die from relief. Her lips tasted like space, too, the way metal smells after rain. So uniquely her. How many other people could say they knew the taste of space?

“Are you crying?!” Carol asked, alarmed, as she brushed a few tears from under your eyelids.

You sniffed and mumbled, “I thought maybe you forgot about me.”

Carol pulled you to her chest, running her fingers through your hair, lightly grazing her fingernails against your scalp. You shivered at the sensation.

“Oh, baby,” she breathed. “I could never forget about you.”

“But there’s so much out there.”

“Mmhm,” she said, kissing your nose. “And none of it’s as beautiful as you.”

When she moved to stand up, you grasped her hands. “No, no! Stay here and snuggle!”

She laughed, grinning from ear to ear, as she pushed your hair back from your face. “I have to shower, Y/N. I smell like an asteroid.”

You leapt out of bed to stand next to her, looping your arm and hand through hers and leaning against her shoulder. You couldn’t get enough of her, couldn’t get close enough. You never wanted to let her go.

“Can I join you?” you asked, blushing a little. After all, it had been nearly a year.

Carol looked at you lovingly, smiling softly, a few of her own tears building. She squeezed your hand and dragged you after her into the bathroom. “God, yes.”