Tumgik
#like i go to this group thing and everything is free and accessible and we all work together to keep it running and its like
brakish-tea · 11 months
Text
I think in order to get rid of programmed and/or internalized abelism in society, we need to get rid of capitalism. Abled people don't want to lose their invincibility complex because that they don't want to have to rely on others or need a support network. And that isolation is something that I think results from capitalism. Like if we understood more widely that we are all interconnected and need to help each other then I think disability would stop being so scary for newly or newly discovered disabled folk and would be less stigmatized as 'weakness' by abelists. It wouldn't fix the problem but I think it would help.
60 notes · View notes
scarlettgauthor · 18 days
Text
I first posted this in a thread over on BlueSky, but I decided to port (a slightly edited version of) it over here, too.
Entirely aside from the absurd and deeply incorrect idea [NaNoWriMo has posited] that machine-generated text and images are somehow "leveling the playing field" for marginalized groups, I think we need to interrogate the base assumption that acknowledging how people have different abilities is ableist/discriminatory. Everyone SHOULD have access to an equal playing field when it comes to housing, healthcare, the ability to exist in public spaces, participating in general public life, employment, etc.
That doesn't mean every person gets to achieve every dream no matter what.
I am 39 years old and I have scoliosis and genetically tight hamstrings, both of which deeply impact my mobility. I will never be a professional contortionist. If I found a robot made out of tentacles and made it do contortion and then demanded everyone call me a contortionist, I would be rightly laughed out of any contortion community. Also, to make it equivalent, the tentacle robot would be provided for "free" by a huge corporation based on stolen unpaid routines from actual contortionists, and using it would boil drinking water in the Southwest into nothingness every time I asked it to do anything, and the whole point would be to avoid paying actual contortionists.
If you cannot - fully CAN NOT - do something, even with accommodations, that does not make you worth less as a person, and it doesn't mean the accommodations shouldn't exist, but it does mean that maybe that thing is not for you.
But who CAN NOT do things are not who uses "AI." It's people who WILL NOT do things.
"AI art means disabled people can be artists who wouldn't be able to otherwise!" There are armless artists drawing with their feet. There are paralyzed artists drawing with their mouths, or with special tracking software that translates their eye movements into lines. There are deeply dyslexic authors writing via text-to-speech. There are deaf musicians. If you actually want to do a thing and care about doing the thing, you can almost always find a way to do the thing.
Telling a machine to do it for you isn't equalizing access for the marginalized. It's cheating. It's anti-labor. It makes it easier for corporations not to pay creative workers, AND THAT'S IS WHY THEY'RE PUSHING IT EVERYWHERE.
I can't wait for the bubble to burst on machine-generated everything, just like it did for NFTs. When it does some people are going to discover they didn't actually learn anything or develop any transferable skills or make anything they can be proud of.
I hope a few of those people pick up a pencil.
It's never too late to start creating. It's never too late to actually learn something. It's never too late to realize that the work is the point.
927 notes · View notes
lovebvni · 3 months
Text
The Star — An introduction to my Group Waiting Room
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Finally, after months ( maybe even a YEAR ) of promising to make this blog, I am beginning it. I really wanted to make this blog a while ago to introduce this wr to so many people, but I haven't (OBVIOUSLY) but now, its here!
Let me start off with this, this waiting room is a waiting room anyone and everything who is a reality shifter has access to. Yes, there are personal invitations, but everyone has access. All you have to say is "I am going to shift to The Star." and you'll be there. The universe knows what you mean, and they wont wrong you and shift u to a literal star (unless that is what you want, obviously). But now lets get into what you will see when you get there
Tumblr media
When first entering The Star for the very first time, you will be in a waiting room with "Welcome! Everything is fine." written in green paint on the wall. This is a reference to one of my favorite shows, The Good Place. Yes, I realize how ominous this may look or sound, but if you know me, I love being a bit creepy sometimes. The door to the left will lead you farther into the waiting room, the door to the right will lead you to a personal makeup/dress up room.
When going right, you will have the ability to change your appearance just like a video game character. You can change your height, weight, skin tone, whatever you want! Your desired body is yours to choose. This room is also fully customizable. For example, mine looks like the glitterizer from Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse (iykyk). I would always suggest going to your personal dress up room before anything else. But if you decide not to, there will be plenty more opportunities for you to change how you look and what you are wearing.
The next place you will enter is a long hallway, and ther will be almost a 'check in' when you get there. At the check in, there will be two dogs -- a yorkie and a chiwawa mix. These are my cr dogs that I love very much. They will give you a ticket and a pamphlet on where to go/the layout of the waiting room. In that card, there will also be a personal message to you from your spirit guides! Everyone has at least one, and they may be long, they may be short, but they will be for YOU and YOU only (unless you want to share with others, of course.)
After this, you have the ability to walk into the common area, which is just full of chairs and places to chat. There are many other things you can do here, but I will list the other rooms below.
a power testing arena -- simply a place you can test a power you want to have/do have and see how powerful it is. you can also train with other people/npcs :p
Deity worship/work area -- there is a hallway where every deity (from a to z) have a room that is just there's. you have the ability to go in and worship or speak with them there. they are not always active there, as they probs have other shit to do, but you can always leave a message and they can request your presence :D
Wild Shift/Teleport -- you will be sent to a random place in the universe that will entertain you. It may not be a dr you made, but it is always open to you to be there. You have the right to shift out any time if you do not like it (obviously)
A POOL ROOM -- ok i love pools, so obviously i scripted multiple pool rooms there. they are so pretty, and i have just been told some mermaids hang out there in their free time
multiple cafes/places to eat -- self explanatory. any food in the universe is accessible to you. these cafes/restaurants are run by helpers, lumas from Mario cart and Chaos from Sonic. They are so cute and sweet, they can also duplicate when needed.
MALLS !! -- idk man i love shopping and trying on clothes w my friends, stfu
Media areas -- there are two main media areas, a library and a theatre (both traditional and digital, also can be for multiple people or one person)
Therapy/talk with your guides/ a multidimensional therapist-- to do this, we connected with a reality where reality shifting is normalized, and there are therapist who work interdimensional. they are always willing to help. all meetings are confidential and will not be spoke about with any being
two 18+ areas -- i only call them 18+ because thats whats socially acceptable here. there is a topic area and an actual... yk.. LMFAOO
Those are all the like, public spaces! Now onto the ports.
A port is similar to an airport, which is why you got a ticket when entering. The ticket will have your port number and how to get there inscribed on it. I personally get to mine via an elevator. When entering your port, will be greeted with a personal waiting room -- one you can only access on your own unless you open it to other people. Just like with everything in this wr, you can change everything with intention and/or visualization.
The ports are usually two floors, these floors have secret hidden doors on the walls to your waiting room. On either side of the door, there will be a script to that dr that you have made -- either physically in a reality you came from or from your intention/imagination. On top of the doors, the place you will be shifting too will be written.
For example, if I am shifting to Alice in Wonderland, my script will be on the right (which you can grab and hold or just scroll through) and Alice in Wonderland will be written on top. The door will open when I step close, and I will be shown the exact moment I am shifting to.
In your DR port, anything is possible. You can manifest, enter the void, script, change the port appearance, whatever you want! Lumas and Chaos will also be at your service here :)
And, that's pretty much all I have for these wrs! I guess another thing I would say is you can shift to group drs/wrs from here but that is kinda self explanatory if you ask me.
I hope you all like this, and I am really excited to meet you guys there!!
Love and excitement
the abyss
(if u saw this already no u didn’t. tumblr was being weird LMFAO)
219 notes · View notes
Text
Pluralistic: Leaving Twitter had no effect on NPR's traffic
Tumblr media
I'm coming to Minneapolis! This Sunday (Oct 15): Presenting The Internet Con at Moon Palace Books. Monday (Oct 16): Keynoting the 26th ACM Conference On Computer-Supported Cooperative Work and Social Computing.
Tumblr media
Enshittification is the process by which a platform lures in and then captures end users (stage one), who serve as bait for business customers, who are also captured (stage two), whereupon the platform rug-pulls both groups and allocates all the value they generate and exchange to itself (stage three):
https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys
Enshittification isn't merely a form of rent-seeking – it is a uniquely digital phenomenon, because it relies on the inherent flexibility of digital systems. There are lots of intermediaries that want to extract surpluses from customers and suppliers – everyone from grocers to oil companies – but these can't be reconfigured in an eyeblink the that that purely digital services can.
A sleazy boss can hide their wage-theft with a bunch of confusing deductions to your paycheck. But when your boss is an app, it can engage in algorithmic wage discrimination, where your pay declines minutely every time you accept a job, but if you start to decline jobs, the app can raise the offer:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/12/algorithmic-wage-discrimination/#fishers-of-men
I call this process "twiddling": tech platforms are equipped with a million knobs on their back-ends, and platform operators can endlessly twiddle those knobs, altering the business logic from moment to moment, turning the system into an endlessly shifting quagmire where neither users nor business customers can ever be sure whether they're getting a fair deal:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/
Social media platforms are compulsive twiddlers. They use endless variation to lure in – and then lock in – publishers, with the goal of converting these standalone businesses into commodity suppliers who are dependent on the platform, who can then be charged rent to reach the users who asked to hear from them.
Facebook designed this playbook. First, it lured in end-users by promising them a good deal: "Unlike Myspace, which spies on you from asshole to appetite, Facebook is a privacy-respecting site that will never, ever spy on you. Simply sign up, tell us everyone who matters to you, and we'll populate a feed with everything they post for public consumption":
https://lawcat.berkeley.edu/record/1128876
The users came, and locked themselves in: when people gather in social spaces, they inadvertently take one another hostage. You joined Facebook because you liked the people who were there, then others joined because they liked you. Facebook can now make life worse for all of you without losing your business. You might hate Facebook, but you like each other, and the collective action problem of deciding when and whether to go, and where you should go next, is so difficult to overcome, that you all stay in a place that's getting progressively worse.
Once its users were locked in, Facebook turned to advertisers and said, "Remember when we told these rubes we'd never spy on them? It was a lie. We spy on them with every hour that God sends, and we'll sell you access to that data in the form of dirt-cheap targeted ads."
Then Facebook went to the publishers and said, "Remember when we told these suckers that we'd only show them the things they asked to see? Total lie. Post short excerpts from your content and links back to your websites and we'll nonconsensually cram them into the eyeballs of people who never asked to see them. It's a free, high-value traffic funnel for your own site, bringing monetizable users right to your door."
Now, Facebook had to find a way to lock in those publishers. To do this, it had to twiddle. By tiny increments, Facebook deprioritized publishers' content, forcing them to make their excerpts grew progressively longer. As with gig workers, the digital flexibility of Facebook gave it lots of leeway here. Some publishers sensed the excerpts they were being asked to post were a substitute for visiting their sites – and not an enticement – and drew down their posting to Facebook.
When that happened, Facebook could twiddle in the publisher's favor, giving them broader distribution for shorter excerpts, then, once the publisher returned to the platform, Facebook drew down their traffic unless they started posting longer pieces. Twiddling lets platforms play users and business-customers like a fish on a line, giving them slack when they fight, then reeling them in when they tire.
Once Facebook converted a publisher to a commodity supplier to the platform, it reeled the publishers in. First, it deprioritized publishers' posts when they had links back to the publisher's site (under the pretext of policing "clickbait" and "malicious links"). Then, it stopped showing publishers' content to their own subscribers, extorting them to pay to "boost" their posts in order to reach people who had explicitly asked to hear from them.
For users, this meant that their feeds were increasingly populated with payola-boosted content from advertisers and pay-to-play publishers who paid Facebook's Danegeld to reach them. A user will only spend so much time on Facebook, and every post that Facebook feeds that user from someone they want to hear from is a missed opportunity to show them a post from someone who'll pay to reach them.
Here, too, twiddling lets Facebook fine-tune its approach. If a user starts to wean themself off Facebook, the algorithm (TM) can put more content the user has asked to see in the feed. When the user's participation returns to higher levels, Facebook can draw down the share of desirable content again, replacing it with monetizable content. This is done minutely, behind the scenes, automatically, and quickly. In any shell game, the quickness of the hand deceives the eye.
This is the final stage of enshittification: withdrawing surpluses from end-users and business customers, leaving behind the minimum homeopathic quantum of value for each needed to keep them locked to the platform, generating value that can be extracted and diverted to platform shareholders.
But this is a brittle equilibrium to maintain. The difference between "God, I hate this place but I just can't leave it" and "Holy shit, this sucks, I'm outta here" is razor-thin. All it takes is one privacy scandal, one livestreamed mass-shooting, one whistleblower dump, and people bolt for the exits. This kicks off a death-spiral: as users and business customers leave, the platform's shareholders demand that they squeeze the remaining population harder to make up for the loss.
One reason this gambit worked so well is that it was a long con. Platform operators and their investors have been willing to throw away billions convincing end-users and business customers to lock themselves in until it was time for the pig-butchering to begin. They financed expensive forays into additional features and complementary products meant to increase user lock-in, raising the switching costs for users who were tempted to leave.
For example, Facebook's product manager for its "photos" product wrote to Mark Zuckerberg to lay out a strategy of enticing users into uploading valuable family photos to the platform in order to "make switching costs very high for users," who would have to throw away their precious memories as the price for leaving Facebook:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/08/facebooks-secret-war-switching-costs
The platforms' patience paid off. Their slow ratchets operated so subtly that we barely noticed the squeeze, and when we did, they relaxed the pressure until we were lulled back into complacency. Long cons require a lot of prefrontal cortex, the executive function to exercise patience and restraint.
Which brings me to Elon Musk, a man who seems to have been born without a prefrontal cortex, who has repeatedly and publicly demonstrated that he lacks any restraint, patience or planning. Elon Musk's prefrontal cortical deficit resulted in his being forced to buy Twitter, and his every action since has betrayed an even graver inability to stop tripping over his own dick.
Where Zuckerberg played enshittification as a long game, Musk is bent on speedrunning it. He doesn't slice his users up with a subtle scalpel, he hacks away at them with a hatchet.
Musk inaugurated his reign by nonconsensually flipping every user to an algorithmic feed which was crammed with ads and posts from "verified" users whose blue ticks verified solely that they had $8 ($11 for iOS users). Where Facebook deployed substantial effort to enticing users who tired of eyeball-cramming feed decay by temporarily improving their feeds, Musk's Twitter actually overrode users' choice to switch back to a chronological feed by repeatedly flipping them back to more monetizable, algorithmic feeds.
Then came the squeeze on publishers. Musk's Twitter rolled out a bewildering array of "verification" ticks, each priced higher than the last, and publishers who refused to pay found their subscribers taken hostage, with Twitter downranking or shadowbanning their content unless they paid.
(Musk also squeezed advertisers, keeping the same high prices but reducing the quality of the offer by killing programs that kept advertisers' content from being published along Holocaust denial and open calls for genocide.)
Today, Musk continues to squeeze advertisers, publishers and users, and his hamfisted enticements to make up for these depredations are spectacularly bad, and even illegal, like offering advertisers a new kind of ad that isn't associated with any Twitter account, can't be blocked, and is not labeled as an ad:
https://www.wired.com/story/xs-sneaky-new-ads-might-be-illegal/
Of course, Musk has a compulsive bullshitter's contempt for the press, so he has far fewer enticements for them to stay. Quite the reverse: first, Musk removed headlines from link previews, rendering posts by publishers that went to their own sites into stock-art enigmas that generated no traffic:
https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2023/oct/05/x-twitter-strips-headlines-new-links-why-elon-musk
Then he jumped straight to the end-stage of enshittification by announcing that he would shadowban any newsmedia posts with links to sites other than Twitter, "because there is less time spent if people click away." Publishers were advised to "post content in long form on this platform":
https://mamot.fr/@pluralistic/111183068362793821
Where a canny enshittifier would have gestured at a gaslighting explanation ("we're shadowbanning posts with links because they might be malicious"), Musk busts out the motto of the Darth Vader MBA: "I am altering the deal, pray I don't alter it any further."
All this has the effect of highlighting just how little residual value there is on the platform for publishers, and tempts them to bolt for the exits. Six months ago, NPR lost all patience with Musk's shenanigans, and quit the service. Half a year later, they've revealed how low the switching cost for a major news outlet that leaves Twitter really are: NPR's traffic, post-Twitter, has declined by less than a single percentage point:
https://niemanreports.org/articles/npr-twitter-musk/
NPR's Twitter accounts had 8.7 million followers, but even six months ago, Musk's enshittification speedrun had drawn down NPR's ability to reach those users to a negligible level. The 8.7 million number was an illusion, a shell game Musk played on publishers like NPR in a bid to get them to buy a five-figure iridium checkmark or even a six-figure titanium one.
On Twitter, the true number of followers you have is effectively zero – not because Twitter users haven't explicitly instructed the service to show them your posts, but because every post in their feeds that they want to see is a post that no one can be charged to show them.
I've experienced this myself. Three and a half years ago, I left Boing Boing and started pluralistic.net, my cross-platform, open access, surveillance-free, daily newsletter and blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/drei-drei-drei/#now-we-are-three
Boing Boing had the good fortune to have attracted a sizable audience before the advent of siloed platforms, and a large portion of that audience came to the site directly, rather than following us on social media. I knew that, starting a new platform from scratch, I wouldn't have that luxury. My audience would come from social media, and it would be up to me to convert readers into people who followed me on platforms I controlled – where neither they nor I could be held to ransom.
I embraced a strategy called POSSE: Post Own Site, Syndicate Everywhere. With POSSE, the permalink and native habitat for your material is a site you control (in my case, a WordPress blog with all the telemetry, logging and surveillance disabled). Then you repost that content to other platforms – mostly social media – with links back to your own site:
https://indieweb.org/POSSE
There are a lot of automated tools to help you with this, but the platforms have gone to great lengths to break or neuter them. Musk's attack on Twitter's legendarily flexible and powerful API killed every automation tool that might help with this. I was lucky enough to have a reader – Loren Kohnfelder – who coded me some python scripts that automate much of the process, but POSSE remains a very labor-intensive and error-prone methodology:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/13/two-decades/#hfbd
And of all the feeds I produce – email, RSS, Discourse, Medium, Tumblr, Mastodon – none is as labor-intensive as Twitter's. It is an unforgiving medium to begin with, and Musk's drawdown of engineering support has made it wildly unreliable. Many's the time I've set up 20+ posts in a thread, only to have the browser tab reload itself and wipe out all my work.
But I stuck with Twitter, because I have a half-million followers, and to the extent that I reach them there, I can hope that they will follow the permalinks to Pluralistic proper and switch over to RSS, or email, or a daily visit to the blog.
But with each day, the case for using Twitter grows weaker. I get ten times as many replies and reposts on Mastodon, though my Mastodon follower count is a tenth the size of my (increasingly hypothetical) Twitter audience.
All this raises the question of what can or should be done about Twitter. One possible regulatory response would be to impose an "End-To-End" rule on the service, requiring that Twitter deliver posts from willing senders to willing receivers without interfering in them. End-To-end is the bedrock of the internet (one of its incarnations is Net Neutrality) and it's a proven counterenshittificatory force:
https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2023/06/save-news-we-need-end-end-web
Despite what you may have heard, "freedom of reach" is freedom of speech: when a platform interposes itself between willing speakers and their willing audiences, it arrogates to itself the power to control what we're allowed to say and who is allowed to hear us:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen
We have a wide variety of tools to make a rule like this stick. For one thing, Musk's Twitter has violated innumerable laws and consent decrees in the US, Canada and the EU, which creates a space for regulators to impose "conduct remedies" on the company.
But there's also existing regulatory authorities, like the FTC's Section Five powers, which enable the agency to act against companies that engage in "unfair and deceptive" acts. When Twitter asks you who you want to hear from, then refuses to deliver their posts to you unless they pay a bribe, that's both "unfair and deceptive":
https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge
But that's only a stopgap. The problem with Twitter isn't that this important service is run by the wrong mercurial, mediocre billionaire: it's that hundreds of millions of people are at the mercy of any foolish corporate leader. While there's a short-term case for improving the platforms, our long-term strategy should be evacuating them:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/18/urban-wildlife-interface/#combustible-walled-gardens
To make that a reality, we could also impose a "Right To Exit" on the platforms. This would be an interoperability rule that would require Twitter to adopt Mastodon's approach to server-hopping: click a link to export the list of everyone who follows you on one server, click another link to upload that file to another server, and all your followers and followees are relocated to your new digs:
https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/23/semipermeable-membranes/#free-as-in-puppies
A Twitter with the Right To Exit would exert a powerful discipline even on the stunted self-regulatory centers of Elon Musk's brain. If he banned a reporter for publishing truthful coverage that cast him in a bad light, that reporter would have the legal right to move to another platform, and continue to reach the people who follow them on Twitter. Publishers aghast at having the headlines removed from their Twitter posts could go somewhere less slipshod and still reach the people who want to hear from them on Twitter.
And both Right To Exit and End-To-End satisfy the two prime tests for sound internet regulation: first, they are easy to administer. If you want to know whether Musk is permitting harassment on his platform, you have to agree on a definition of harassment, determine whether a given act meets that definition, and then investigate whether Twitter took reasonable steps to prevent it.
By contrast, administering End-To-End merely requires that you post something and see if your followers receive it. Administering Right To Exit is as simple as saying, "OK, Twitter, I know you say you gave Cory his follower and followee file, but he says he never got it. Just send him another copy, and this time, CC the regulator so we can verify that it arrived."
Beyond administration, there's the cost of compliance. Requiring Twitter to police its users' conduct also requires it to hire an army of moderators – something that Elon Musk might be able to afford, but community-supported, small federated servers couldn't. A tech regulation can easily become a barrier to entry, blocking better competitors who might replace the company whose conduct spurred the regulation in the first place.
End-to-End does not present this kind of barrier. The default state for a social media platform is to deliver posts from accounts to their followers. Interfering with End-To-End costs more than delivering the messages users want to have. Likewise, a Right To Exit is a solved problem, built into the open Mastodon protocol, itself built atop the open ActivityPub standard.
It's not just Twitter. Every platform is consuming itself in an orgy of enshittification. This is the Great Enshittening, a moment of universal, end-stage platform decay. As the platforms burn, calls to address the fires grow louder and harder for policymakers to resist. But not all solutions to platform decay are created equal. Some solutions will perversely enshrine the dominance of platforms, help make them both too big to fail and too big to jail.
Musk has flagrantly violated so many rules, laws and consent decrees that he has accidentally turned Twitter into the perfect starting point for a program of platform reform and platform evacuation.
Tumblr media
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/14/freedom-of-reach/#ex
Tumblr media Tumblr media
My next novel is The Lost Cause, a hopeful novel of the climate emergency. Amazon won't sell the audiobook, so I made my own and I'm pre-selling it on Kickstarter!
Tumblr media
Image: JD Lasica (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Elon_Musk_%283018710552%29.jpg
CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en
799 notes · View notes
fariesoiree · 9 months
Text
Tumblr media
ever since you’ve became friends with hobie, he makes your insides feel all weird. he’s got to know what this feeling is. he can probably help you with it, right?
caution! mdni 6k wrdz, mentions of religion, reader is super sheltered, set in a college setting, black fem reader, fingering reader receiving, oral reader receiving, corruption kink mayb just barely, hobie is real gentle, everything happens on a desk, blushing is described but can’t be physically seen, unrealistic description of coochie juice we all know it doesn’t actually taste like that hobie is just obsessed, the smut section is a littleeee bit short but i def think i could expand on this in the future pls do not spam like my blog if you enjoyed it, feel free to tell me in the reblogs
hobie has been a good friend of yours for a few month now. it all really started at a party at the college you attend. with it being your first year, every experience is a new one. your sheltered childhood only further added to it.
it was easy, hobie always claims, to tell you didn’t belong when you stood in the room, eyes wide and frantic. not to mention, you were fully dressed in jeans and a sweater. he didn’t understand how you hadn’t passed out, yet.
he walks up to you that very same night. your panic only became more evident when he’s introducing himself. “you alright, love?” and he’s truthfully concerned. you’re nearly shaking, hands clasped together.
you explain to him what happened. that the group of girls you came with disappeared, that you don’t know anyone here, that you’re extremely overwhelmed.
it’s hobie who leaves the party early, despite enjoying himself. he escorts you back to your room and stands outside your door until it’s clicked shut and locked. he also leaves his number in your phone that night with the innocent promise to help you with whatever you need.
the reaction from your parents is expected when you tell them what happened. you receive a scolding for going to the party and indulging in secular music and sin, as well as trusting a man and allowing him access to your room. you can argue that you didn’t invite him in but your parents won’t and don’t listen.
you’re used to it, used to their lectures that you actually heed their warnings. all your life you’ve been living by their rules. no boys and no parties. church every sunday, home at nine. you’ve even accepted the routine phone checks every night with no back-talk. this has been your way of living since forever.
so of course the big, gentle, temptation himself intrigues you to no end when you’re presented with such an open gateway. you’re sure if your god-fearing parents saw him, they’d have a heart attack right on the spot.
six five and exactly what your parents warned you against. piercings galore, stick and poke tattoos decorating his skin. his hair is assorted into wicks, which you don’t mind but your relatives would have called him sloppy. not to mention the clothes he wears, decorated in spikes and chains. sometimes the gems in his belt catches the sun in just the right way and he glows like an angel.
hobie gives you butterflies and not just in your stomach but in other places as well.
you don’t know what to do about the fluttering in your pussy when hobie’s had grazes your thigh when he bends to pick something up. even the word pussy has your face warming up.
at first, you thought it would be a one time, unrelated thing. the wet mess in your panties shocked you after spending your evening with hobie. you made a mental note to stop by the doctors in case it was something serious and went about your night.
and then it happened again and every night since. coincidentally, you’re with hobie every night, only to return to the safety of your dorm and deal with the same heated feeling.
that’s exactly how you find yourself in this dilemma tonight. you’re as quiet as a mouse, strewn across his bed. the strip led lights cast a blue shadow on the room. hobie is across from you at his desk, clicking around in some music making site you wouldn’t even try to comprehend.
his headphones are over his head, stretched to the biggest setting to accommodate his hair and his fingers, nails painted black, tap against the wooden desk. hobie can’t hear you with the noise filling his ears. he hums softly to the beat.
you’ve been staring at him for a while, now. originally, you were working on some homework due that night but your gaze found him and his sharp jawline that’s just barely visible from the diagonal angle he’s sitting.
before you know it, your eyes have wandered downwards until you’re looking at his legs, wide and manspreeding. your downstairs area does that weird pulsating thing.
you lips form into a pout and you shift to remove the discomfort. you never actually made it to the doctor, having realized this is only something you experience around hobie. despite this unusual situation find yourself in, distancing yourself from him wasn’t an option. oddly enough, he’s one of the few people that didn’t make you feel other.
“come listen to this.” hobie swivels in her chair to face you. he pops the headphones off his head and waves you over. “was thinkin’ about submittin’ it as my project.”
you sheepishly shake your head. your cheeks burn at the possibility of him catching you. “oh, i don’t think you want me to.” it makes you nervous to partake in the creation of something so vividly can nonreligious. you're already laying in his bed, unsupervised and alone with him. all your teachings let you know it could lead to other things.
he tilts his head, dangling the headphones off his fingertips. you can hear the punk rock melody blaring from where you’re stationed. “you never wanna listen to my music. scared or somethin’?” he doesn’t wait for a response, already slapping the bluetooth headphones back over his ears and turning back.
hobie already knows the answer but he’s uncaring, regardless. he’s become accustomed to your thinking and even though he feels it’s distorted with reality, he doesn’t judge you for it. nor does he blame you.
you’re back to staring at him and the way his hands dance across the keys. his hands are so big, you think. each finger is slender and long and could probably swallow you whole.
you take your lips in between your teeth with a disgruntled sigh. all these impure thoughts are driving you up the wall. you can’t even blame him because he’s doing nothing to provoke it. you, apparently, just can’t control yourself.
with hobie’s back to you, you’re able to silently pack your stuff up. your laptop is tucked away into your bag and you grab your spiral notebook. he doesn’t notice you’re preparing to leave until you softly slide off his platformed bed and shove your feet into the soles of your matte mary janes.
“where are you going, duck?” he pushes the left side back until it’s no longer covering his ear, rapidly glancing at you.
“my room.” you grab your hello kitty lanyard off his desk. “i’m going to do my work in there. can’t do it here. i’m too distracted.” you sling your bag over your shoulder.
“shit, is it me? hobie pauses his track. he’s rapidly hanging his headphones on the stand and jumping to his feet. “at least let me walk you back.”
hobie stuffs his feet in his traditional black boots. he doesn’t care enough to tie the blue, ladder laced laces. he’s already grabbing that loud, extravagantly pinned vest before you have a chance to blink.
“no, you don’t have to do that.” you nervously fiddle with the blue ribbon tied at the base of your braid. “i don’t want to inconvenience you and it’s not the far from your room.”
he merely tsked and rests his hand atop your head, right in between the pigtails. “darlin’ there’s no chance i’m lettin’ you walk your little self back alone. you of all people? fuck no.”
“hobie!” you chastise, hands flying up to cover your ears. the keys dangle and bump again your cheek. your mom always told you that anyone who says adverse words is going straight to hellfire. you didn’t want to be apart of that.
he opens the door and motions you through, a hand on the small of your back. “you’d follow a man to his truck just ‘cause he said please.”
the warmth from his fingertips spread throughout the nerves on your spine and you feel like you’re on fire. you pout and it can easily be mistaken for your opposing opinions on your naivety.
“sorry but it’s true.” the door clicks shut when both of you have stepped outside it. hobie shoves his keys inside his pocket and begins down the hallway to the elevator. he hasn’t noticed you trailing behind him, teeming with explanations as to why your core throbs at the sight of him.
you do this all the way until you’re out the door of the men’s dormitory. you haven’t uttered a word, thumb rubbing against the warming metal of the cross dangling around your neck.
it’s not like you’ve ever felt this feeling before. not even around the other boys you’ve been around. granted, your hangouts were never like this. it was always under adult supervision, even in your older years, and you mostly saw each other during youth groups and summer camps. this, what you’re feeling now, is an entirely new and uncharted territory.
“hobie,” you start. the warm summer breeze ripples across your skin and leaves behind a chill of the promised winter to follow.
hobie lifts his head. the rock he kicked scattered off the sidewalk and into the grass. he hasn’t spoken to you. either. that’s the best thing about him. he doesn’t ask questions, letting you process things your own way. hobie is all too aware of your differences and has no problem letting you take your time.
“i have a question. it’s kind of personal, i think.” you take a brief pause before each word, meticulously picking them to match your uncertainty.
hobie is still silent. at some point, you would have begin to question if he’s even listening to you if it weren’t for the way he lazily shifted his gaze over to you.
“are you . . . have you ever gotten this feeling in your stomach? like a hot one.” you wet your lips. your heart is about ready to stop beating. how do you explain this to him? are you just supposed to tell him he makes your no-no square all fired up? do people say that?
“what are you goin’ on about, lovely? has my stomach ever burned? yeah, if i eat enough dairy.” he chuckles with a small shake of his head. unbeknownst to him, that is not at all what you’re referring to and you are too ashamed to ask him again.
“never mind,” you say with your head hung low.
it’s your parents fault and the way they neglected to teach you about your body. it’s not like you’re a complete idiot and you know sex can lead to children. however, you were taught that sex is bad and children are blessings so it’s fair to say you’re a bit clueless on the contrasting beliefs. not to mention this weird feeling a boy invokes. the boy that might as well be the son of satan himself.
you sigh, heavy and drawn, pulling your keycard out your lanyard. it scans and the lock beeps, allowing you both entrance into the girls dormitory.
hobie lifts an arm and holds the door open over your head. he’s confused. it’s obvious you’re mulling over something, putting so much energy into it that you don’t notice the weight of his eyes boring into the back of your head.
it isn’t until you’re standing in front of your door does he speak his mind. “what’s keepin’ your head so busy?”
your hand is steady on the handle but you have yet to turn it. you can feel the heat from his body standing so close to yours and just once you wish for him to reach forward and put his hand — oh no.
“m – maybe you should just come inside.” you yank your door open and pull him behind you. it’s a drastic decision on your part. never have you ever invited any man in your room, not even hobie. at best, he got glimpses of the shared living space but never of your room down the hall. he’s always walked you back, stood at your door until you were safe inside, and made his exit. always.
even when he’s come to walk you to class, your roommates would open the door and invite him in but he’d stay planted right at your welcome mat. hobie knows you, knows what silly boundaries you have but he follows them strictly because as long as you’re comfortable, he’s comfortable.
“hold on, look at me.” hobie finds himself abruptly stopping in your living room. he yanks his arm until you’ve spun back around and settles his hands atop your shoulders. his eyes fall on your lips, caught between you teeth and nearly knawed raw. he doesn’t miss your hands clenched into tiny fists by your side. “are you okay? this isn’t like you to act so . . . erratic.”
he has to stop his curiosity from getting the best of him and drink in the interior decorations you’ve done. out the corner of his eyes, he can tell just what you contributed, different nooks and crannies filled with pink trinkets and round eyed figurines. you’re the sweetest thing all worked up and making rash decisions. he doesn’t like where this is leading.
you give him a small nod of your head, eyes downcast and on the tops of his worn boots. the grime is welcoming. better than looking in his eye and having him see how unnerved you are.
as if you aren’t shaking under his grasp.
“dove, don’t lie to me. if there is somethin’ wrong, you need to let me know and i need to hear you say it.” his hands drop to your elbows, fingertips just barely touching your skin. hobie knows you’re avoiding him, avoiding addressing something big but welcoming him in your personal space. the contrast is enormous and it’s especially a big deal for you.
“i’m f – fine. i just . . .” you timidly shift your feet, sweatered arms going to wrap around yourself. you’re clutching your cross again, attention boring into the floor. “. . . can we please talk about it in my room. it’s not something i want to say here.”
he’s hesitant to let you go, drawing in a breath. you’re going to be the death of him, he decides, with the way you concern him but he’ll take your word for it. maybe, maybe just maybe you know exactly what you want.
he allows you to take him back to your room, pushing the door open. immediately, he gets a good whiff of the clean linen wax you have burning in your wax warmer.
your space is tidy, but not necessarily clean. you’re a bit of a maximalist, soft blankets and frills draped around your room. you have posters and paper hearts hanging on your wall, a my melody rug laying in the floor beneath your chair.
there’s a couple flower cushions strewn about and plenty of stuffed animals to go around. you have fairy lights across the wood of bed, casting the room in soft yellow lighting. there’s a rack in the corner full of lacey clothes that he assumes you’re planning on wearing soon.
you look so comfortable, fitting right in. of course you do, considering you decorated it yourself. hobie lingers at the edge of the room while you go through your routine of taking off your shoes and putting your bag by your desk. you’re putting your earrings in the strawberry shaped jewlery holder when you finally address him.
“you don’t have to stand there like that. you can take your shoes off and stuff,” you speak with your back turned to him. you know it’s weird, having him in here. it’s weirder when hobie acts as if his presence in your room will turn it into an active landmine.
hobie licks his lips, hands deep inside his pockets. he doesn’t even want to let his eyes linger too long on anything in fear he’s taint your purity, full of innocence and hope. “what am i here for?”
you rest your hand against the cool, light colored wood of your desk. you feel feverish, the topic making your palm sticky with sweat. the room suddenly gets hot and you’re clearing your throat while motioning for hobie to close the door. “um, well . . .” you trail off, tapping your manicured fingers loud enough to fill the silence with quiet clicks and clacks. “i have something to ask you.”
“ ‘nd you needed to bring me here to ask me?” his head tilts in deep skepticism. hobie leans against the white wall next to your door. he doesn’t want to go any further. he doesn’t belong here.
you’re irked, hands flying to wrap around yourself. the ruffles at the bottom of your dress rub against each other like flower petals in a spring breeze. “just listen! i have something serious to ask you and you’re being awkward. it’s making me awkward.”
hobie lifts and drops his shoulders. he’s tense when he crosses the threshold of your room and takes an uncomfortable seat at your desk chair. “sorry doll but we both know i’m not supposed to be in here. what do you want to talk about? make it quick so i can go.” he leans back as far as the chair will allow, eyes up and on you.
his question demands a straight forward response, one that you cannot provide. you don’t know what is happening, yourself. you’re back to your silence, grasping for words to form an explanation. “remember when i asked you if your stomach ever burned before?”
“not this again. i thought we already talked about –”
“no! listen.” you’re shouting at him again, lips pressed into a pout. you’re just barely working up the courage and you need to get it out before it goes away. “lately, i’ve been feeling like that but not in my stomach.”
you’re speaking so fast, hobie can barely understand you. he just catches your words, suddenly sitting up with his brows knitted together. “are you okay? sick?” he presses his hands flesh against your cheeks and forehead but your skin isn’t warm to the touch.
“n – no. not that i know of.” you nearly whine when his fingertips brush along your waist as they’re lowered back to his side. “it’s a little uncomfortable.” you rub your knees together in an attempt to satiate the ache between your thighs.
hobie has enough experience to recognize the little shuffle you do, accompanied by the needy glint in your eye. it startles him. not you. anyone but you, miss purity herself. he’s seeing things. “then what?”
he’s terrified of the way you look at him, eyes glossed over. the cherry colored blush dusted across your cheeks appeals to your cherubic state. this is his worst nightmare and best dream, that you would entice him like this.
it isn’t easy to ignore the chub of your ass that you’re unaware you carry and the softness of your breasts when you grab his arm and press your body against his. it especially isn’t easy to ignore the sweetness in your voice when you plead and chastise him for his vulgar words and behavior. oh how badly does he want to twist your brain but he won’t. he can’t allow himself to. you’re too good for that and that’s the problem.
“i feel weird inside around you, hobie. only you and . . . i don’t know.” you’re meek and quiet, face advert and back in the ruffled hem of your white socks. you cross and uncross your ankles to satisfy your need to stir and wriggle. “i wasn’t going to say anything but i don’t know how to make it stop and sometimes it hurts.”
you look so pitiful and pretty like this, almost begging for his help. it doesn’t take a genius to understand what you mean but hobie can’t bring himself to act on it. it feels so wrong on so many levels. he can’t take advantage of your unawareness like this.
“aw baby,” he has to curl his fingers into his palm to prevent himself from reaching out and grabbing you. that’s why you were so insistent on coming to your room. “you don’t want my help with that.” he keeps telling himself he has to be the bigger person, the one who thinks clearly.
“i do,” you insist, daring to take a bold step closer until you’re slotted between his knees. it’s a lot for you, coiling in on yourself to find comfort despite acting out your comfort zone. “i can’t take it anymore. you don’t understand.”
his hand comes up to rest against your cheek, following an empathetic shake of his head. “no, you don’t understand. you don’t even know what you’re talking about. what am i supposed to do if you can’t even tell me what you’re talking about?”
hobie stands, presumably to take his leave. he pushes you away from him by your waist. he’s stopped when you wrap your hand around his slender wrist, staring up at him with big, entreating eyes.
“please? anything? please, hobie. i’ll take anything just help me do something. tell me what to do, i don’t care. it’s terrible and uncomfortable and i can’t bear it anymore.”
he takes one look at you and is met with your waterline, gathering in tears of desperation. all his resolve slowly breaks until he’s cupping your cheeks with a soft sigh. “you’re gonna be the death of me, you know that? babblin’ about shit you don’t even understand.” he’s gentle, backing you up until your knees are knocking against your desk. he sits you up there, hands resting on either side of you.
“hobie,” you reprimand him again for his words out of habit, hands going to cover your ears again.
he stops them, much larger ones enscasing yours with a tut of his tongue. “don’t even. you don’t get to complain about me sayin’ shit and fuck and whatever else. not right now.” he presses your palm against his lips, piercings warm against your skin.
your mouth falls open, only to wordlessly shut. you don’t know what to say, what to do. all you know is you’re slightly overwhelmed with the future possibilities. what’s about to happen? what is he going to do?
“i don’t even know what to do with you. you sure this is what you want?” hobie doesn’t feel he needs to ask with the way you were begging him but he can’t help it. you’re such a sweet thing, asking him to do something about your aching cunt. you don’t even know what you’re asking him.
you nod, eyes widening when his hand falls over your knee. it’s a respectful distance but you’re anxious, already wiggling under his gaze. “you keep asking me.”
“i know darlin’ but can you blame me? just gotta make sure.” hobie ever-so-swiftly slides his hand up your thigh until his thumb is brushing against the front of your panties. he isn’t interested in beating around the bush and quite frankly, it would be so much better to just get the first touch done for. break the ice just enough.
your body immediately reacts, legs pressing closed as far as you can get them. your eyebrows knit together as your nerves crackle and pop with a sudden desire you haven’t felt before. “i’m s – sure.”
“never had this pretty pussy played with before have you? ‘course not. you’re a good girl.”
you hate the way he’s talking to you. it’s not quite derogatory but it makes you feel otherworldly in a negative way. as if you have no clue what he’s talking about. you don’t. and his words are so unclean.
“not gonna fuck you tonight. you’re not ready for that, yet.” he aids your legs back open with a firm grip, holding them in place. “you know what that means, yeah?” hobie doesn’t mean it as an insult, circling his thumb around your already puffy clit.
“mhm,” you’re wiggling again, lip caught between your teeth. you’ve heard the phrase in passing, understanding the word and its context. never have you used it, yourself. you’re clueless, not dumb.
hobie bunches your white dress up by your hips. he’s greeted with a view of your black panties, dark enough to conceal the dampening spot but he can still feel it beneath the pad of his thumb.
your glittery lip gloss has begun to spill over your plump lip and dribble down your chin with how much you quiver. he swipes the excess off, lightly chuckles at the way you fawn and fall over.
just over the clothes touching has you like this, mewling and hiccuping and doing your best to conceal it. it’s endearing, the way you try to maintain his level of composure.
he continues toying with you, a bit hesitant. it’s not like him but hobie knows he has to take his time with you. he can’t rush. he has to prep you thoroughly, get you used to his touches. this is what you want.
“and you’re not gonna act all shy when i take these off, are you?” his finger hooks through the leg hole, snapping the fabric back until it pops against you when it’s released. “or are you still trying to be a little angel?”
the thought of hobie pulling your underwear down and seeing what no one, let alone a man, has seen. your private jewels that you’re sure are soaping wet the way they are every other night. your cheeks heat up and you squeeze your eyes shut, knees trying to do the same. “no, i’m not.” you’re trying to be so brave, it’s cute.
“don’t worry, dolly. not yet. just gonna rub your cunt, just like this.” he pushes and pulls on your clit, hot underneath the pressure of his thumb. it has your hips shuffling in an attempt to rut against him. he doesn’t know if you’re aware, the way you stare at him like he hung the moon himself. “could make you cum like this, i bet. you ever done that before?”
a particular jerk of his finger has you gasping and grabbing whatever part of him you can get to first, his forearm and his shoulder. “i never –,” your chest heaves with a broken moan, partially restrained, “n – no. i don’t.”
as far as you know, premature sex and masturbation is a sin. you have never been tempted before even meeting hobie. not only would he be the first to touch you but he’d be the first to make you cum.
his boxers get increasingly more tight at the thought. you’re so pure and he’s so lucky, being the first, even before you, to dip his fingers between your folds. he can barely restrain himself.
hobie plants himself in your hair, his gruff groan vibrating your scalp. he can’t help the way his thumb jostles your clit. it’s nearly primal, how badly he wants to draw an orgasm out of you and he knows you’ll do it so easy with how pent up and inexperienced you are.
“you don’t gotta hide it, baby. let me hear you, dove. tell me what you like so i can make you feel good.” your hair smells of vanilla and shea butter. it makes hobie want to devour every part of you, his long cock leaking with precum but he has to remember to take his time. he has to.
“hobie . .” your weak whine fills the hazy spot in his brain that’s indulged so deeply in every part of you. you don’t have to tell him for him to know, it’s obvious in how you’re unable to be still, nails stabbing into his skin. “i f – feel weird.” you’re so wound up.
hobie pulls his head back. he feels heavy with need as he tilts your chin towards his face. he just wants to see you, that’s all. he just needs to see the expression you make the first time you cum. “don’t fight it, sweet girl. just let it happen. it’ll feel real good.” his thumb strokes your jawline, coaxing you to give in to the growing lust filled pit in your stomach.
hobie knows you cum simply because he can feel it. your pussy spams so hard, he swears he can hear it. he doesn’t even have to put a finger up to your entrance to feel the pulsating. it’s almost as if your hole is searching for something to suck in.
your mouth has fallen open in a tiny o, working your body into hobie’s through your experience. he was right. it felt so good, satiating the need and burn of your body. it’s almost addicting, the way your body reacts to his touch. your brain is becoming mush with each throb. “oh my goodness.” you speak in between breaths, finally releasing hobie and drawing back your nails.
he only chuckles, rubbing at your thighs. “that was good, wasn’t it? did it help your little problem?” he plays with the bottom of your dress, conflicted between pulling it down to set you free and suggesting another round. you offered a starved man a seat at the table.
you smile shyly at him. you don’t know what to say now, what to do. your friend just made you cum after you begged him to. how do people do this casually? “yes, thank you. i’m deeply sorry for being so forceful.”
at this, hobie laughs out loud. it’s genuine and booming against the walls. it seems he has yet to break you in but he supposed he was too hopeful. of course he couldn’t turn you into something like him just from rubbing on you a little bit.
“you’re all good, duck. you weren’t being forceful, at all.” he pulls out the desk chair and takes a seat, getting comfortable in the flower shaped cushion. his limber fingers are back to picking at the side of your panties. he’s a bit hungry, he thinks.
his eyes, dark and narrowed, do something to you. you don’t understand. you can still feel the sticky mess in your underwear but something is stirring inside you, again.
you both stare at each other in a heated silence, thinking the same thing but waiting for the other to say it first.
“you want me to eat you out?” hobie is the first to speak with his head tilted. he’s far more impatient and bold to play around. when he wants something, he’ll take it.
at first, you believe you heard him incorrectly. “do i want you to what?” you feel stupid having to ask but you’re truly at a loss. “i’m sorry. hobie, i don’t know what that is.”
hobie is the luckiest man in the world. if he could whip his cock out and slide it inside you, he would but having you on his tongue would be the next best thing, especially when you’re asking him what that is. “you’re about to find out.” he murmurs, pulling you to the edge of the desk.
you’re surprised when hobie yanks your underwear down, lifting up a hip at a time to get it down your legs and tossed across the room. both the cool air and his dark gaze has you snapping your legs shut. there’s too many things to hide from and you’re unprepared.
“no, no. don’t shut me out like that.” he has his hands hooked under your knees and props them on your shoulders. his excuse is that it would be better for you to manage but truthfully, he does it to get an eye to cunt view. he pulls you even closer until your lower body is dipping into his lap and you’re relying on him to hold you up. “you’re gonna like it, i promise.”
“oh, i don’t know about this.” you grip the edge of the desk, still sitting up and getting a perfect view of the carnal look in hobie’s eye. he actually licks his lips, flicking his attention up to you for only a second.
“just once. just try it once and if you don’t like it, we can stop. you have my word.”
you don’t know how much you can trust him like this but his warm breathe is just tickling you in all the best ways. it’s hypnotizing enough to have you nodding in agreement before you know it. “o – okay.”
hobie has enough sense, what little he has left, to put a hand in your tummy and pushing you down until your back is against the cool wood. he doesn’t have to tell you to stay there. he just knows you will, especially when you’re gasping at the feeling of his hot tongue on your cunt.
your sap is sweet and unbelievably so. like cherries and strawberries and mangos on a warm summer day. he’s delusional, drunk already and nose deep in your cunt.
his tongue finds your entrance as the source of the sweetness all to easy. he’s addicted to it, each suckle and slurp persuading more of your cream to pour out your hole.
it doesn’t take you long to start writhing, hand all in his hair, tugging in every direction. each swipe of his tongue and bump of his nose in your clit has your back arching. it’s better than you could have ever imagined. you can’t believe you were about to turn this down, or the fact that you didn’t allow yourself to experience such pleasure simply because of your parents fears.
you cry and sob, legs shaking on his shoulders. you can’t decide whether or not you want to tighten your legs around his head or open them wider to accept more of him. “hobie, p – please!”
hobie almost doesn’t hear you. almost.
your words just barely float around his brain but your pleas stick just enough for him to push your legs up by the bottom of your thighs. he keeps you hooked there so strongly, he’s able to grasp your hand and maintain his hold.
it sounds so wet that it’s humiliating. you can’t believe these sounds are coming from you, that hobie’s tongue is deep in you, that he has you folded like this. you didn’t know this was possible.
your body is all warm all over again. you’re fortunate there’s no excess clutter on your desk with the way hobie has you. your hands fly to the metal structure holding your bed together, mouth drying from how long you’ve held it open.
you swear it comes faster than it did before. it occurs to you that you’re a ticking time bomb. the previous orgasm has your clit feeling like each touch is a hot stone.
it’s as if hobie steals your breath with your growing cries at your approaching release. you don’t know what to do with yourself, where to put your hands. it’s overwhelming, your second orgasm and the first time anyone has ever “eaten you out”.
“feel weird again!” you say through broken sobs. you’re met with hobie’s acknowledging hands massaging into your skin. he’s coaxing, encouraging you without having to remove himself from his new favorite spot in the world, right between your thighs.
it gives you whiplash with how quickly your orgasm comes, pushing out of you as if the first one never happened. it’s just as strong, if not stronger. your body trembles with your spurts of cream. it’s weeks worth of sexual frustration to know end and a confusing search of a solution, all washed off you in one night.
you’re so sensitive, you have to push him off with your feet at his chest and chest heaving for air. “fuck, that was good.”
“did you just say fuck?” hobie leans over you, bringing the bottom of his shirt up to wipe your sheen off his face. he’s well amused, almost snorting at your response. that had to be his influence.
“did i?” you cover your mouth with quick regret. you didn’t realize it rolled off your tongue so easy.
hobie grins, pulling you to seating and then to your feet. he tries not to ogle at you too much. it’s difficult when your lower half is completely exposed and he’s still so desperately horny but he puts your needs first, closing his eyes and clearing his throat. “you got somethin’ to clean you up with? wipes or somethin’ until you shower?”
you open your desk drawer and pull out a pack of baby wipes. you present the package to hobie, who pops it open and takes one out.
he doesn’t ask you to move, merely just lowers himself to the ground and with gentle hands, wipe up the mixed mess of saliva and your juices.
you whine, presumably from the unavoidable ache that accompanies your sensitivity.
“i’m sorry, lovely. have to,” hobie tries to be as quick and harmless as possible, soothing you with kisses to your inner thigh. they’re well mannered and innocent, until you’re clean enough and he’s throwing the baby wipe away. “are you okay, though? you don’t regret it, do you?”
you watch hobie straighten out your dress again. his gaze is as polite as it can get, avoiding any look at your pussy, although its right in front of him. instead, he meets your eyes until he rises to his feet. “um, no.” you’re back to being quiet, hands clasped and fumbling with each other.
you’re suddenly aware of how close he’s standing but it’s short lived when hobie is making his way back to the door to put his shoes on.
“i’m gonna go because i’m sure you want to process that and get your space and whatever else, yeah? but don’t worry, i’ll answer your texts and your calls.” he does feel bad, as if he’s fuck-and-dashing you but in reality, if he doesn’t get out of here, he’ll be too tempted to try and actually fuck you. “i’ll be back tomorrow to walk you to class, doll.”
you’re speechless as you watch him gather himself to leave, grateful for the space because you could probably explode right now. you also miss your panties just barely peeking out of his pocket.
“and feel free me to ask me again if you ever need my help.” and with that, he’s gone with a soft click of your door.
338 notes · View notes
20001541 · 1 month
Note
What do you think being in prison was actually like for All For One? We know he lies A LOT, so I don't think he's nearly as unaffected as he's shown or rather not shown I guess 😓
Thinking deeper on afo's imprisonment it's actually a lot more disturbing the more I think about it.
What afo is going through is basically solitary confinement 24/7. Guns constantly pointed at him ready to headshot him the second he tries tapping into his quirk or squirms too much. Unable to move at all from the neck down due to restraints. So many sensors it leaves him either completely vulnerable or overstimulated at worst. We never see him lying down either. He's always sitting which is painfull and extremely detrimental to a person's health and mobility if done for long hours without standing up.
I know he's an S rank criminal and super dangerous because the only person who could defeat him (All Might) retired, but you're telling me this futuristic society couldn't do anything more humane with all that tech other than shoving him into a death trap? (I wanted to call it a Saw death trap, but I never watched any of the Saw films ummm)
There's also the more creepy implication to questions like how does afo go to the bathroom in Tartarus. There's no way they just let him walk up to a toilet/urinal 😨
All For One is no stranger to dehumanization and he takes almost everything in stride even Tartarus from the looks of it, but that one panel where he almost begs All Might to not go always stuck out to me.
Sorry for the long essay. I just wanted to say something about this and chat with a fellow All For One fan.
you don't need to apologize, it's an interesting topic!
I think afo's time in prison affected him more deeply than he would ever admit. look how they had him ->
Tumblr media
strapped to a metal slab, not being able to move his limbs at all, alone for hours constantly being watched and he doesn't have access to his quirks that allow him to navigate the world so he's completely blind here. oh let's not forget that if he thinks about activating a quirk or makes a sudden movement the guns pointed at his head will automatically shoot him. also like you said being in a sitting position for a long period of time will end up being detrimental to your health.
tartarus whole existence is a violation of human rights and that's without mentioning the disgusting way the guards treat the prisoners. yes they did evil things, but I think dehumanization of any group of people is a dangerous road to walk on and can lead to horrific things committed against said group because it's easier to justify doing horrid things to others if you think the other party isn't even human. with all the amazing quirks and technology that is available it's a surprise to see that they haven't come up with a better way to deal with imprisoned villains. maybe it's because they don't care to come up with a better solution because once again they don't see them as humans so why should they bother trying to make their living situation more bearable? awful stuff.
too bad we don't see anyone from our main cast really question this type of treatment, but oh well. I guess it's implied some things did change as we see spinner was allowed to write and publish a book while in prison (doubt they let him free to do it). so he's not strapped to a metal chair all day like the other prisoners we saw. unless he's getting some special treatment, I don't know the story doesn't really tell us about what happened with him after his confrontation with izuku. only shows us that he managed to publish his book.
BUT back to the main question, what was being in prison in like for afo? honestly, I think he had to fight to stay sane while down there. being in those conditions for a long period of time will wear down your sanity. you saw how desperate he was for all might to stay and talk with him despite him being someone he hates. probably the thought of getting yoichi back kept him going, after all when he's down there he gets excited when he's able to hear his voice for the first time in over a century. even the guards freaked out because his the monitor tracking his vitals went crazy when he heard it.
still I think the whole experience disturbs him more than he would ever admit and it was traumatic but he just shoves down in order to focus on the goal ahead of him. no time to process any of that he's got a brother to catch
47 notes · View notes
chase-prairie · 1 year
Note
I'm guessing that as a graduate student you have read a zillion and one documents and books and papers and things in your field. Would it be outrageous to ask for recommendations/your favorites? I'm really interested in learning more about the history of Native land use and food systems in the midwest (which I suppose is a very long history, I'd be happy learning about any time period), prairie ecology, and the current outlook for native plants and pollinators (and conservation recommendations). Even one recc for each would be amazing. Feel free to postpone this ask if you're too busy! P.S. can't wait to read your dissertation.
This is a big ask, and I get a lot of these types of asks! In the future it'd be nice if people were more specific about their interests and not asking about general, huge topics. There's a level that you can and should be googling yourself! Many academic papers are online for free through sites like academia.edu and I'm not a search engine!
General answer if you're interested in this range of topics is Robin Wall Kimmerer's Braiding Sweetgrass. She comes from the midwest and writes some on prairie and the book is all about Indigenous science stewardship.
Otherwise, the topics you're asking for don't have one single source that will tell you everything you're looking for. People make small studies of one community, one ecosystem, one plant. Whether it's ecology or ethnobotany, there's no one making compendiums of info, especially not in the midwest. That's why I do the work I do, but even what I do is imperfect. Be suspicious of anyone who/any text that claims to be comprehensive on a huge, complex subjects; they probably are bsing you.
Indigenous Land Mgmt:
Two good recent papers:
The subject of indigenous wild management is more intensely covered in California (M. Kat Anderson) and Vancouver (Nancy J. Turner). Those two authors are great for both nuts and bolts chat and philosophical perspectives about how people have lived in and altered and restored their ecosystems.
A compelling academic book on the subject is Roots of Our Renewal: Ethnobotany and Cherokee Environmental Governance by Clint Carroll, which is just as much about philosophy, knowledge production and protection and community building, as plants.
Prairie Conservation Practices:
Like I said above, currently published stuff is about very specific interactions and focuses, like a particular pollinator group in a particular plant. What you're looking for, a generalist summary of the field, doesn't really exist.
If you're looking for plant lists and how-tos Tallgrass Restoration Handbook or the Tallgrass Prairie Center Guide. Do not go for Ben Voigt. If you're looking for a general conceptual entry to Midwest conservation/restoration, there's Ecological Restoration in the Midwest
If you're looking for general recommendations for free, Xerces.org is the resource for bee-friendly landscaping and planting.
If you live near a University or Arboretum or Botanic Garden, this is the kind of thing where you should just browse the shelves near the books I've recommended! Chances are you have free access to the libraries, if not the ability to check the books out yourself!
198 notes · View notes
josphitia · 3 months
Text
Josie's CowHRT Journey Part 2 - Telling the Husband
“You want to be… a cow?” Jojer asked with equal parts incredulity and curiosity. My husband was looking up at me from their chair, dealing with the brick I had just dropped onto their lap. I know it wasn't the best way to broach the subject, but I also know it was the only way I could.
Some history on us: We actually met at a nonbinary support group that Jojer was running. I'm not nonbinary, but it was the closest trans support group I could find. I ended up meeting a lot of wonderful and unique people there. Me and Jojer immediately hit it off and before we knew it, every free moment was an excuse to text or hang out with each other.
We were the best of friends for years, we helped each other in any ways we could. I was already on Estrogen and blockers when I attended that first meeting, but I helped Jojer to get on Testosterone. We helped each other get our names legally changed. So when the time came that we both found ourselves single, is it any wonder we jumped at the opportunity? We dated for a year and decided to get married. Jojer’s my they/them husband and I couldn't be happier.
Everything since then has been the mundane life of a married couple. That is until the past few weeks when I've been keeping to myself more, my nose glued to my screen as I process my newfound sense of self. Which leads us to this moment, to when I dropped my hopes and dreams for the future, to my husband asking with a puzzled face: “You want to be… a cow?”
“Yeah! W-well I mean, I think I've always been a cow. I wanna get on Animal HRT and help to see the bovine in the mirror that I am inside.”
“Okay, is this like a kink thing? Because I'm alright with us exploring more in the bedroom. Get you a cow print bikini or something and-”
“No! I mean, the bikini sounds cute, but it's not a kink thing… Not that it doesn't make me really happy thinking of myself like that and being intimate… But it's more than that, so much more. The idea of being a cow just feels like it's me, it's who I am. Like I can finally see myself as a complete person.”
“And you'd, what, be in some field all day munching grass? I also don't think a cow would fall under the pets policy of our apartment.”
“I wouldn't be, what do they call it… a ’feral’ cow. Though some people do go that route! I'd be more in-between than that. I've been reading all about it and what they can achieve with hormones nowadays is amazing and I'd finally have cute horns and a tail and even hooves!”
“Can't we just buy you some horns online if that's what you're wanting? And I know I've seen people with clip-on tails, we can get you some of those too.”
“It's not a costume I want to just wear at home or around you… it's who I want to be. Who I feel I am. Who I need help to be. Who I want to be with you.”
“Why haven't you opened up about this before? You're so sure this is who you are but you've never made any indication you've been unhappy just being a human woman. Now you're dropping this in my lap right before we're going to bed.”
“Because I didn't have the words for it… I didn't even realize it was a thing I could be. But I've seen other girls posting about this and it was so illuminating, it's like these girls had access to a dictionary I never knew existed. But their thoughts, their feelings, their journeys, it's like reading about myself in all but name. And it's not fair to you, but I've been so scared to bring this up to you… I know you're kind and understanding, but there's so many horror stories of people being shunned by their partners over this. Of people losing their partners over this because they weren't accepted… I love you and don't want to lose you but I also can't live my life without trying this…”
“Okay, okay. I don't completely get it yet but I can tell you've been putting a lot of thought into this. I don't want to give you the impression I'm not supportive, I am, this is just so new. I love you, Josie.”
*Sniff* “I love you too Jojer…”
“So, what would the first steps be?”
“It's basically like what we've already been through. See a therapist, get a letter, then going to a supportive endocrinologist who'll fill the prescription. And I even already have the name of a therapist who can help me! But, uh, I'm hoping you can help me with actually making the phone call… You know how I am…”
“Of course honey. C’mon, let's get ready for bed. You can talk to me more about how you're feeling when we're laying down. I do have to admit though, you're right about one thing.”
“Yeah?”
“You'd look really cute with horns~”
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Josie's Cow HRT Journey
First|Previous|Next
36 notes · View notes
gatheredfates · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
Oh my goodness, I can't believe we're here! This is the FIRST Compendium update for Dawntrail! ☀️ In the end I didn't need the extra weekend off; I just put this together in-between trusts (don't judge me).
I hope everyone is having a fantastic time with the new expansion. I am especially excited to see how this document expands as I find new things in its advent, so please let me know if you make/find anything interesting!
While I don't think the Compendium will have anything pertaining to spoilers, I will try to note where resources/communities contain them going forward. Resources may update without me knowing, however; please do your best to engage with content keeping the possibility of spoilers in mind. Thanks!
With that said, however, as of today (07/06), the following resources have been added to Sea's Community Compendium for XIV Creatives.
LARGE SCALE
XIV Modding — In the online game known as FINAL FANTASY XIV, modifications usually fall under the “tools”, “mods” and “plugins” categories. The purpose of this wiki is to provide a semi-comprehensive breakdown of the existing tools & ways to mod the game cosmetically, ie visuals, audio & other on-screen assets.
*Please note: Modding is a direct violation of the games ToS and discussion of it in game will earn you a ban. Its inclusion in the Compendium is for collection purposes; I am not responsible for what you do with the tools should you download them.
FRIEND / CASUAL SERVER
A Walk Across Etheirys — We are a group of friends, and story-lovers, who have chosen to make the slow journey through every zone of FFXIV we can! We take these walks by expansion, remembering them for what they were and what they meant to us, and aim to add new ones as they arise.
LORE
A Comprehensive List of Halonic Swears — For your Ishgardian fanfiction and lore reference. Created by @rosestarart.
SEAFLOOR
We're a Tumblr Community now! For people unfamiliar with the concept of Communities, I encourage you to check out the tumblr post by staff made about them here. However, copy/pasting what I have written in the Compendium, the Community functions as so:
SEAFLOOR (A FFXIV Community) is a Tumblr community whose duel-purpose focuses on my projects — the Compendium, question drives and screenshot events — whilst also reblogging member created works, resources (including events, commissions and looking for content/roleplay/free company posts), affirmations and other xiv-related content. If you are interested in supporting my projects without the social aspect of a Discord, I highly encourage you to join the Community. Everything hosted on the Discord will be cross-posted there; you will not miss out on anything. As Communities are still in beta, members need to be manually invited. If you would like to join, please like the tumblr post here. Once Communities are out of beta, I will remove this section to better reflect its true public status.
I'm hoping the Community will function as a member-curated dash, resource hub and visual diary for my projects and member created works. There are no hard feelings if you want to leave the Discord and only join the Community. Please do what makes you comfortable!
Tumblr media
Want to submit? You can either fill out the google form here or send me an ask with the relevant information!
Is my space suitable for the Compendium? Most of the time, yes! Below the read more is some more information/stipulations. Again, all the below information is accessible on the document! 🌻
Below are the following things I do not accept on the Compendium:
Personal/Single-Character LFC ads.
Content intended for or can be used for bullying, harassment and OOC gossip. E.g. ‘Secrets’ blogs, receipts, callout posts, etc. This does not include in-character tabloid blogs used to generate RP.
Communities that do not have an RP/writing element (large-scale exempt).
Anything I find personally distasteful or goes against the spirit of this project.
Common-sense rule applies.
FAQ.
I want to put my community on the compendium but we have an application process. Is this okay?
Yes! Just note somewhere in your application that's a requirement. The only thing that is mandatory for the Compendium is that you must be open to new members or have a public-facing/accessible facet. There's no point advertising a community if no one can join it in some way!
I want to put my community on the compendium but I only have x number of members —
Also totally okay! People don't start with large communities. Activity is a must but, whether your server has two or two thousand members, if you're looking for new people to join, I'd love to help you find people.
I want to put my community on the compendium but I worry its too niche?
Okay, and? If your Eorzean Fishing Alliance has four members but you roleplay every second weekend, I still want to know about it.
What resources/communities can I add if I'm not the owner of them?
Mutual consent is extremely important to me, so anything that isn't a large-scale community OR a publicly accessible resource must be endorsed by the owner/admin/moderators in order to be added to the compendium. I operate under the assumption that a resource posted to a public space (tumblr, googledocs, youtube, etc) is open to all. A large-scale community is one with a significant member count or openly advertises itself as being accessible to everyone for whatever purpose it serves. If in doubt, please get in touch with me. I'm happy to contact your community owners for you!
How active does a community need to be?
If you find a community has not been active in about two/three months, send me a message and I'll take a look at it. Communities have ebbs and flows, especially event spaces that may take hiatuses depending on member interest/life events. I'm not strict in my implementation provided a space isn't dead. If a link or anything is broken, absolutely contact me about that.
I have [insert a question not stated here]?
No drama! Send me an ask or use the #Compendium channel in my Discord!
23 notes · View notes
crazycurly-77 · 4 months
Text
Like an old married couple - Chapter 8
“We need to talk” you heared Gibbs murmur directly in your ear on your way back to the office. At the sound of his voice and his closeness you had goosebumps all over your body. You could even smell him and he smelled like coffee and sawdust…your heart was racing. 
But you had no time to talk, because as you entered the bullpen the first thing that happened was DiNozzo reporting to Gibbs, that they had a new case to solve. Parallel to that you had to develop a concept of user rights for a specific group of commanding officers. 
Therefore there was no time to think too much about a certain co-worker and anything that had happened. Both of you were completely lost in your work. But surely you were agitated because of what happened between you and Gibbs and what the talk of you two will bring. 
Eventually you heared Gibbs cussing. Shortly after he was leaning on the thin room divider between your desks “get my user account reactivated, please. I've had it blocked mistakenly.”
You looked up at him and simply asked “do you have the confirmation of Jenny?”
“No, why should I?” he was slowly getting annoyed. He said “please” goddammit! 
“Because I am not allowed to reactivate accesses if there is no confirmation of the director” you explained to him calmly. 
This was getting on his nerves so he stepped in your personal space trying to intimidate you and get the access done immediately. 
But you simply held his gaze and began to adjust his jacket collar. 
Everyone held their breath and awaited that he exploded every second. To be honest usually he would have exploded in anger, but this was you. 
When you were finished you looked back up directly into his eyes smiling sweetly to him.
After a few seconds he turned smiling to himself, marched to his desk and called Jenny asking for confirmation, which he got. 
Now you had everything you needed so you unlocked his access that he could work again. 
Of course Tony noticed all this, laughed and asked “hey boss, you're getting old and soft? Allowing yourself to be bossed around?” This earned him a well deserved head-slap and angry stare from said boss.
In fact not only Tony noticed this, but the whole team. Gibbs saying “please”? That was never ever happening - until now. They didn't even know that he knew this word. That was very interesting for sure. 
The next days the case and your concept were getting nowhere, so everybody were on edge and very strained. 
The tension in the office was rising constantly, especially between you and Gibbs. You still had this thing between you, but there was no chance to be alone and much lesser chance to have the much needed talk, which added to the tension immensely. 
You also noticed that Tony, Tim and Ziva where whispering with each other about something, but you didn't understand a word of what they were saying and they stopped chatting as soon as they saw you so you ignored it. 
After all they whispered grinning since the incident with the commander, so what? 
You were all working away, but stopped as a young good-looking colleague from the IT-Department showed up and asked for you. Tony motioned to your desk where you were sitting and looked very interested and full of questions for you. 
As the man was nearing you the whole team stopped working and watched very interested what will happen. 
The man, Simon, was standing at your desk and cleared his throat. He was holding flowers in his hands and was obviously very nervous. “Hey, Y/N” he said. “We work so much together and seem to get along very well, so….I would like to learn to know you better….and I… Would you go on a date with me?”
The whole office were stunned into silence including you. 
“Well, Simon…” what should you answer to him? To this day you never thought about him in this way, but he seemingly was a nice guy, so why not? At the moment you were a free woman and a date with Simon could be very nice and would maybe take your mind off of a certain silver haired “not co-worker”...so you said “yes, I would love to” smiling at him. 
“What about tomorrow at 8pm? I now a new restaurant which we can check out” Simon suggested. “Yeah, sure. Why not?” “Great! I'll pick you up at 20:00 sharp” he grinned and turned to leave. Then he remembered that he had forgotten something - the flowers! He turned around and walked once more over to you “sorry, I've forgotten…these are for you” he said handing you the flowers. “They are really beautiful, thank you” you answered. Then Simon left. 
As Simon was gone, Gibbs looked thunderous in your direction and everybody fled the bullpen. He was tense and his eyes were like a thunderstorm that was brewing up. He was really angry and his jealousy was showing up, but no, you didn't get it. 
He couldn't take that you agreed to go on a date with this…this…morron! He stepped very close to you and stared in your eyes. You thought he could see right into your soul and you swallowed the lump in your throat. 
“Honestly? This boy who has nothing to show you? What is so interesting about him?” he wanted to know and got so close that your noses were nearly touching. Your heart was racing in your chest as was his, too. 
Once again you two shared a staring contest, but after a few moments you couldn't take it anymore. So you took his head in both hands, closed the distance and planted one hell of a kiss directly on his lips. He responded immediately and kissed you back soundly. 
Before long you two were full on making out with tongue and all. You only stopped shortly to take a few much needed breaths. While he pulled you against him his hands stroked your back and neared your ass. You on your part were pressing yourself into him and playing with your hands with the short hair on his neck. 
Suddenly someone cleared their throat a few times right beside you. Slowly your foggy brains realized that you were still standing in the middle of the bullpen and were kissing each other madly. 
Begrudgingly you let go of each other and were looking cautiously who were the one disturbing you. It was none other than Jenny herself. Judging by the way she looked at you she was not amused. 
“I want to see you two in my office, now” she ordered, turned and went away. 
You looked at one another and shared the same thought “oh, oh”. 
(To be continued...)
-------------------------------------
Here you will find the other chapters of this story and the other stories I've written to date.
--------------------------------------
21 notes · View notes
Hi hi! It's ya girrrlll
So I read your rant (delightful BTW, I'm a nosey hater at heart lol) and am here to ramble too! :3
Firstly though, I'm really sorry for the situation you're in and hope it gets better. I'm lucky enough to have an accepting family (my parents and sister at the very least) and to have recently moved to western Europe where it's pretty progressive(?) in terms of lgbt stuff (ignore the fascists and right wingers behind me trying to access the governments), but I can imagine how isolating your experiences might feel. Hang in there, there are better things in store, I'm sure!
Now for the rest of your rant, I found that you've raised some interesting points, notably about how amabs can easily take on the lesbian label while some afabs have yet to claim it for themselves due to the homophobia they mightve endured and amabs probably haven't thus far (they probably dealt with transphobia as transfems, which I'm not gonna diminish no matter my views on transgenderism, but they probably haven't really dealt with lesbo/homophobia especially if they're pre-transition). Afterall, lesbian transfems were probably straight guys before, and their orientation is sure as hell not condemned by the wider society.
It kind of reminds me of this one lesbian transgirl ik who I met on a server on discord and formed a group of online friends there which included her. I knew her before she came out/identified as trans and I remember at that time she'd sometimes mention how she'd listen to lewd asmr of girls and such. She also talked about how she wished she was lesbian. So I, being the lesbian debator I am, basically said that that's not a great thing to say (I refrained from saying it sounds fetishy), but she replied with basically saying that I don't understand and that lesbian love or whatever is so "pure" unlike hetero love or something. So guess how I felt when she started identifying as a lesbian trans girl and later found out it's something observable in a portion of the online transbian community (not saying every transbian is like this, but still). (Oh yh she also (sort of?) cheated on her gf so there's that but I don't think it's related.)
I think I feel a similar sentiment as you in the sense that while I can sympathise with some of the struggles transfems may face, I find it irritating at times when people seem to go above and beyond to label/treat them as "the most sapphic and lesbian ever" as you put it, most of the time in an effort to validate their identity and place in the sapphic and wider lgbt community, when they probably never had to face the struggles afab sapphics were faced with since forever and more importantly some say some... Questionable things about their orientation and attraction to women. Not all obviously, but still. Am I making any sense lol?
I definetely don't think transbians have 0 place in the sapphic community, I think it's a complicated matter and there can be some gray areas (I also have grown increasingly distant from the (at least online) lgbt/lesbian community the past year so idrc about most discourse ig), but I kind of wish this was all treated more "normally" if that makes sense and that afab lesbians or sapphic could talk about certain things related to their orientation without constantly being scrutinised to make sure they're including trans folk in everything ever. I also kind of wish we could call out problematic behaviour in trans people without being called transphobic, but I think this applies to specific cases mostly.
Anyway I think I was mostly nonsensical here, apologies, but feel free to reply to whatever you managed to latch onto here lol.
Also, if you ever feel the need to vent and don't feel comfortable airing those issues on tumblr.com for whatever reason, my dms are always open, I check into this hellsite daily <3
~🪼
(wow retroactive preface I go on a long ass ramble about semantics in this I apologize in advance for how many times you might have to read the word "definition" lmao)
hey!! so happy to keep seeing you here around these parts (my inbox, that is) and I'm glad you especially do get some enjoyment out of my far less polished vent posts :p I always feel bad when I post something so singularly interesting to me and me alone because it is just a full on personal blog moment, but to be fair to myself this entire blog is an exercise in actually voicing my own opinions and feelings for the sake of learning to express myself better, and it is nice to know even in the least poignant or least thought out posts, it isn't just fully self-beneficial lmao
I also (of course, as always) appreciated your response! honestly, I admire how level-headed and nuanced you can be with these topics, I myself often feel like I swing wildly from being harsher with my words and trying desperately to be as passive as possible to appease everyone, and I do have to say it is an ongoing challenge for me sometimes to strike that perfect balance between understanding but still standing by my convictions and not solely focused on people pleasing. it's a bit of a weird life, in my private time I do feel like I tend to be highly cynical and sort of an asshole lolol, especially towards other people, but in public I would never dare say any of the things I think because at the end of the day, I do still feel as if preserving friendly atmospheres among peers is paramount to being a productive part of a society. I'm like the opposite of the asshole with a heart of gold trope, in a way. gold with the heart of an asshole lmao
all that to say, I think you make some really astute observations that are still compassionate to trans women who identify as lesbian, while still pointing out the objective faults of their common language and behavior! I really think this (like so many issues whose current is pushed most strongly by the english speaking west) is a matter of semantics for the most part. labels, communities based on labels, and their inherent flaws I guess. because I really have no problem with someone identifying as a trans woman and also having a sexuality surrounding liking women, or if they want to talk about it or even if they want to define it separately than heterosexual attraction. it's their attraction, and I'm not the ceo of how people choose to define their own sexuality (and I wouldn't want to be, that sounds like a headache job lmao). for me, I think the issue really comes with when personal definitions of sexuality are enforced upon others, and when suddenly, highly personal definitions become community-defining ones. the term "sapphic" is such a great example of this weird treatment of labels and their definitions. the term "sapphic" can mean a lot of different things to different people, despite the fact that it is, at its core, a term held together by a single definition. in our society people will ideologically define every single word in a definition differently (ex. what does love mean? what does a woman mean (lol)?) and so even a fairly universal term can be personal based on one's own framework of thinking. BUT the thing is, a lot of transbians/people who identify as queer/tra positive/whatever you want to call the current hegemonic popular opinions of the lgbtq+ have taken to a personal definition of words like lesbian and sapphic, and have decided to supplant the originally fairly universal term and replace it with something that does kind of inadvertently alienate a lot of people who identify with the most "neutral" and non-ideological version of the definition (women who love/are attracted to women). instead, the basic definition has essentially shifted in its meta, though the words stay the same, the meaning is pushed to imply these terms can be understood as "someone who identifies as a woman who loves/are attracted to people who they identify as women" and that's just both too broad and too specific at the same time, excluding those who don't agree with the notion of identifying into what was previously understood as a sex class, and including people who wouldn't have even met the original definitional criteria to begin with. this, in turn, creates a vacuum in meaning, allowing for "aesthetic" to take over as the primary meaning of the term. I think that's where that "weirdness" comes in.
it's hard to find community with people who are coming at the definition of what the community is built on from a completely different direction. when I think of being "sapphic" (other than the brainrotting pop culture/online/algorithmically driven stereotypes) I simply think of being attracted to my same sex, that being female, and that being women. but, I would assume for transfems, they obviously don't have the simple way of just relying on same sex attraction as a definition, because they don't see the world in that way definitionally, and must apply more effort to justify why their attraction to women deserves to distinctively be defined from regular opposite sex attraction. that's where we get the strange insistence on sapphic love being more "pure" or making their entire personality curated towards "sapphic culture". in a way, though on the surface I am still pretty jealous that they get the privilege to express these thoughts and be backed up so strongly by people I know who would care less about me, I do feel bad that they must subconsciously feel the need to "prove" they meet the criteria for these labels because for them, there is no easy, biologically material fitting of the definition. I personally will have never have to care that much about fitting lesbian stereotypes or involving my life in sapphic culture. in fact, I basically can't not be sapphic. it's just the only way my future looks. it's the only way my attraction manifests. people will see me as a lesbian (well, that or a nerdy disheveled teenage boy at first glance lmao) just based on how I don't present in a way that centers men. it's the only way I fall in love.
and yeah, it really would be nice if there was space for a community where we could discuss that reality, openly, in mainstream progressive spaces! but for reasons that would be pretty bleak if we unraveled them, people would much rather play these games of labels and proving your place in them than creating avenues for people to congregate in spaces that actually bring them community and cater to their needs.
as always after these really really tangled word threads I slowly begin to run out of steam so I'll just wrap this up and say you made excellent points dear anon! maybe one day we can all just accept that sometimes definitions should be exclusive in that they exclude people who don't fit them, and not exclusive in the way that they exclude people who do fit them, and that afab women, and especially afab sapphics, deserve the right to preserve spaces for themselves without having to worry about appeasing men or anyone they don't want to!
and wow holy shit this is a whole lot of words trying to pick apart the way words can mean other words sometimes I would not blame anyone if they skim most of it lmao.
tl;dr the meta of labels and their definitions are kinda dumb and I'm maybe more dumb for spending so much time thinking about them
and lastly, thank you for the kind offer of your dm space as an area for venting! perhaps...I will take you up on that offer...it is inevitable I will be struck by another petty urge to vent about people in my life because I continue to work with people who are essentially the most fascinating but headache inducing parts of tumblr and twitter personified and I do still primarily have very "gendery" friends irl! we'll see if I end up having anything interesting to say about it though first, or if I can bear to actually talk to someone online once instead of passively yelling into the digital void!
12 notes · View notes
cromcrux · 8 months
Text
BG3 Brainstorming (spoilers)
So, I love Baldur’s Gate. I have spent so much time in that world. Which, because I cannot just mindlessly enjoy things, means I have been thinking about it and things that make the world feel a little flat or forced to me. So in the interest of releasing these thoughts from my mind!
Things I would change about BG3
First off, I would change some of the companion character’s classes, and when those companions join your group. The first character I would change would actually be Wyll. I love Wyll as a character, but his warlock status feels really forced. It feels a little first draft to me. I think Wyll would have made for a fantastic ranger (and I am further justified by the afterparty confirming this).Alternatively. Wyll could have been a Paladin. This would also give you access to a paladin before Act 2 and an alternative to the (before one of the last updates) much more difficult to recruit Minthara. If his oath had been to Baldur’s Gate or, even more spectacularly, Ansur himself, that would have given the quest beneath Baldur’s Gate so much impact. Overall, I really like Wyll and I wish more had been done with him. If we really weren’t going to kick off his story arc until Act 3, I think that’s when he should join up though. He basically has nothing to do in Act 2, not even character growth because he’s a pretty stable guy, he doesn’t really need to mature or overcome any trauma. He just chills. Maybe wait until his action starts to include him. Either that or give him something to do in the Shadowfell (maybe give him information about Ansur or some other nuggets so he’s not just sidelined storywise).
Next up is Halsin. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a cool character. But he should have been a Nature Cleric rather than a druid. He’s got very ministerial vibes. A Nature Cleric of Silvanus could have still been important to the grove (maybe working with the head druid instead of the head himself) and would have made for an excellent healer. We also get both Jaheira and Halsin as recruitable members at the same time and having two druids doesn’t make for good balance when so many of the other classes are under-represented. 
Jaheira, should join you properly in Act 2. When you leave to go investigate Moonrise, she should be recruitable as a companion. Halsin is still doing his thing in camp and in the version, Wyll is waiting for us at Baldur’s Gate (maybe he’s here helping protect the Tieflings, that would also be cool), and having a druid after seeing what they can do in Act 1 would be good. 
Since we have Wyll filling in as our ranger, Minsc would actually make for a pretty good Monk and give us some experience using a Monk before we have Orpheus in our party (if we choose Lae’zel over the Emperor). I do wish it was a little easier to get Minsc slightly earlier in Act 3. Everything feels very rushed after Orin kidnaps one of your party, but I think that was due to Act 3 getting truncated. 
Astarion: I have seen some complaints that his storyline doesn’t feel like it meshes as much with the main storyline, since aside from hailing from Baldur’s Gate, nothing about his personal storyline is directly connected to the Dead Three or what’s going on there, so here’s my fix: Astarion is the Warlock with Mizora as his patroness. I think it would be a much more interesting dynamic. There is dialogue outside the tabernacle where Astarion remarks how no god ever answered his prayers when Cazador had him, so what if a Devil had? He might trade one master for a mistress if he thought the terms were better. He might still strain against leash, but his own manipulative behavior would prevent him from being overtly hostile towards her. Astaron’s Ascension could then be duly colored: Don’t ascend and risk losing his soul to Mizora forever, or ascend and truly be free? (I do think players should have the opportunity for the same sort of deal Wyll makes to free Astarion from his contract. But if you don’t make that deal or don’t get that choice, it makes Astarion’s argument to ascend look slightly more grey than it is).
Finally, I wish Alfira was a recruitable character. She’s the only actual Bard you run into (I will not be counting Volo as a bard, he’s at best a nuisance to his own editors and publishers), and it might be interesting to have a companion leave you in Act 3, once you make it to the Elfsong, she stops being a companion and instead helps with keeping your reputation or communicating information between you and the various factions you’ve gotten on your side. She could stay in your camp but no longer be playable.
Next would be a change I think would actually be pretty easy to implement: Make the choice to side with the Emperor after learning his true identity an actual choice. If the players choose to side with the Githyanki, allow the Honor Guard to take up protecting the party (with successful dialogue choices and checks), and continue the game mostly as normal. This would even fit with what the Emperor tells you as the inside of the Prism is suppose to block out the absolute  Have the head of the Honor Guard checking in with players instead of the Emperor, maybe being the same imposing presence as Kith’rak Voss. Have the Honor Guard be the ones to save the party from the Absolute. This would also make Orpheus softening up to you in the final scenes make a little more sense, as you did choose the “right” thing. It’s the biggest part of the story that feels railroaded and it seems like such an easy swap.
29 notes · View notes
theoneprecioustome · 7 months
Text
Aikoto Moments Masterlist: P3R Edition
Tumblr media
Notes:
As usual, while I'll try to cover everything, the list will focus on the non-optional moments that are there regardless of player input.
Dates are read day/month. I organized everything chronologically.
I bolded the most important ones.
The post is image heavy & contains spoilers for the entire game.
Opening
The Journey
✤ 20/07: Unknown to the player, Aigis, who was considered "inoperable", suddenly awakens when Makoto arrives to Yakushima.
✤ 21/07 - Operation Babe Hunt: The SEES Boys run into Aigis at the Yakushima dock, and a cutscene is dedicated to showing how cute she is. (Note: In P3 & P3FES, all three of them get a heart over their heads when they see her, including Makoto; this is the only time he reacts like that to a girl in the game).
✤ 21/07 - Chasing Aigis: After Makoto finally catches up to her, Aigis throws her arms around him and declares that being at his side is her highest priority. They stay like that during pretty much the entire scene.
Tumblr media
✤ 21/07: The group is formally introduced to Aigis, who reiterates that it’s very important for her to be by Makoto’s side.
✤ 22/07: As the team fools around thanks in no small part to Aigis' prodding, Makoto thinks "With Aigis joining, things are likely to get livelier..."
✤ 24/07: Aigis wakes Makoto up 5 minutes earlier than his alarm clock and suggests she is put on standby in his room instead of the Command Room. Yukari complains about this, and the way she settles for finding a compromise by offering to get Aigis a room suggests that “[Aigis] can stay” & “I don’t care” are more likely to be chosen than "[Aigis] can't stay here."
✤ 25/07: If you go to the fortune teller, she will tell you an Aikoto-related fortune: "I see a girl... She stands between light and dark, life and simulacrum... She falters... as if not knowing on which side she belongs... Hm? She is trying to tell you something... Can you hear her words...?"
Tumblr media
✤ 02/09: Aigis starts going to school and the person who usually sits by Makoto’s side just so happens to be missing, so Aigis gets their seat (thanks, devs!). She then proceeds to announce to the entire class that “This spot is perfect. My highest priority is to be with him at all times.”
✤ 20/09: Aigis watches over a sick, asleep Makoto only to notice his condition has improved. Despite this, she decides to keep watching over him until sunrise, showing that she was already developing emotions by then (this is further explored in a Drama CD). This scene is accessible only through the Security Camera recordings available in the Command Room.
Tumblr media
✤ 04/11: When Aigis is controlled by Ikutsuki, Aigis manages to remember herself and her care for SEES as she and Makoto stare at each other. Once she frees them, Makoto runs to her and wraps a comforting arm around her shoulders.
✤ 17/11 - Kyoto school trip: Instead of following the girls' to their rooms, Aigis wishes to be appointed to Makoto's lol
Tumblr media
✤ 30/11: After everyone else leaves to go study, Aigis and Makoto remain behind on their own. Aigis explains that she now understands the concept of loss, "The thought of something happening to you... It makes me..." (Note: In Japanese, Aigis says: "If something were to happen to you, if I could no longer be by your side, I…"). She also confesses that “You are very special to me… I can't explain why, but I never want to leave you side. I want to protect you at all costs, to be there for you always.” (It's important to note that Death was no longer sealed inside Makoto by this point, so Aigis' desire to remain by his side is born out of her own feelings.)
✤02/12: When Aigis greets him at school that morning and tells him she intends to protect everyone, Makoto has the option to ask what is up. If he does, Aigis asks him to please not worry. At night, we get the Moonlight Bridge Anime Cutscene and Aigis gets her memories back. She apologizes to Makoto for what she had to do. (Note: In P3 & FES, Makoto holds Aigis' hand when SEES arrive to the Moonlight Bridge - this animation was actually found within the P3R files, you can see it restored HERE.).
✤ 28/12: When you talk to Mitsuru, she says “Don't worry about Aigis. She is currently being treated with the utmost care.” So, it’s safe to assume Makoto asked about her.
Tumblr media
✤ 30/12: Aigis is finally back. She asks Makoto how he has been holding up (one of his dialogue options is “I was worried about you.”) and apologizes for sealing Death inside him. All 3 of his Dialogue Options are supportive of Aigis: “You did what you had to”, “You had no choice” and “You did the right thing”.
Tumblr media
✤ 25/01: Makoto has his Career Counseling meeting with Ms. Toriumi. Conveniently, Aigis' just so happens to be after his, so Ms. Toriumi asks him to go get her. Makoto finds Aigis at the rooftop, and the two share a scene where Aigis basically ends up confessing her (not-yet understood) feelings for him: “Even though Death is gone now, I… I still want to be by your side.” Aigis feels that if she's with Makoto, she can learn what it means to live. She then asks Makoto to please take her with him, because she will fight with everything she has. One of Makoto’s possible answers is: “I need you with me.”
Apparently he got pretty engrossed in their little moment, because we get a: "Oh, right. I just remembered Ms. Toriumi wanted to see Aigis." as the scene fades to black lol
✤ 31/01 - The Battle for Everyone’s souls:
Tumblr media
As Makoto succumbs under Nyx's gravity and starts losing consciousness, we can see Aigis looking over at him and calling out his name.
Aigis is too shocked by the unexpected turn of events to react as Makoto starts levitating towards Nyx. All she can manage is a desperate plea: "No, don't go!"
Aigis’ is the last (alive) voice Makoto hears before he uses the seal (Shinji's soul being the very last voice). She begs Makoto to come back: "You promised... Didn't you? Please, you have to make it back!"
After all is said and done, Aigis laments her lack of strength. "Why am I so powerless...? Am I really unable to protect the ones important to me?! This is what I was trying to prevent!" (Note: While the line was translated in plural as "the ones", it would've been more accurate to translate it as "the one", because Aigis was talking about Makoto, who may or may not have been lost to Nyx. Case in point:)
Tumblr media
It’s only after Aigis calls out to him and begs him to say something that we get a "I can hear everyone desperately calling out to me." and the option to reply. Her reaction is also the first we see.
Tumblr media
Aigis is the one to notice that Makoto is coming back to them, and she takes off running to reunite with him. As SEES happily and tearfully welcomes him back, Aigis finds herself crying for the very first time. (Note: Since the animated cutscene from P3 & FES is missing in P3R, please do watch it here to see Aigis crying and Makoto getting emotional over it. It's worth it!)
✤ 04/03: Makoto and Junpei spot Aigis observing them from behind a tree. Junpei wonders if she may be interested in one of them.
✤ 05/03: Aigis comes to find Makoto before the graduation ceremony. Once she got her memories back, she feared he would disappear again. Makoto can either confirm that he remembers as well or tell her “Don’t cry”.
Tumblr media
✤ 05/03 - Rooftop Scene: We see a few flashbacks to Aikoto scenes that were not shown before this point, including Makoto turning to look at Aigis during the Nyx fight and Aigis holding his Evoker.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Aigis thanks Makoto, because she found her reason to live thanks to him. She promises that she will always be there by his side, protecting him. Makoto wipes her tears away without player input, and her smiling face is the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes for the last time with a smile of his own.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Ending
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
✤ The credits begin with Makoto and end with Aigis.
✤ The ending song, Memories of You, is very clearly Aigis' POV about Makoto. She even quotes the song during her Social Link: "I will never leave you."
✤ The music playing during the New Game Screen is I'll Protect You (the sont that plays during Aikoto's rooftop scene), and the image shown is an empty classroom with Makoto's Evoker and SEES armband.
Optional Events
Tumblr media
✤ 15/08 - If the player chooses to walk Koromaru that night, Aigis can go with Makoto. There, the player will once again be told that Aigis wants to go to the summer Festival lol
✤ 16/08 - Summer Festival: The player can choose to go to the Summer Festival with Mitsuru and Aigis. If Makoto goes with them, he can suggest that he and Aigis should hold hands, but Aigis thinks he wants to restrain her and rejects his proposal. If the player chooses to go alone, Makoto will still run into Mitsuru and Aigis, but the girls won't notice him. (Note: The game makes sure to let the player know that Aigis is planning to attend the Summer Festival.)
✤ 28/08 - Film Festival: Makoto can go to the Film Festival with Aigis. After discovering that being a ninja is the "ultimate status that a man can achieve", Aigis jokes that she will start calling Makoto like that. (Note: Once again, the game makes sure the player will know when to ask Aigis to the film festival. If the player talks to her on 27/28, it will tell you that she can go tomorrow.)
✤ 05/10 - If the player chooses to walk Koromaru that night, Aigis can go with Makoto again.
✤ 07/01 - If the player chooses to walk Koromaru that night, Aigis can go with Makoto one last time. She will ask Makoto if he wants to walk home with her tomorrow because she wants to experience the town with him, thus letting the player know that Aigis' S-Link is about to begin.
✤ 29/01 - Last Walk with Koromaru: All of SEES go together for this special occasion, and we see everyone hanging out in pairs. Makoto and Aigis are together, playing with Koromaru. We're told that "Everyone is having fun, as if trying to make the most of this moment..."
Tumblr media
✤ 31/01: If Aigis is in the player's party during the fight against Nyx, she will tell Makoto that she's with him until the very end.
Social Activities
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
✤ Gardening: Starting on July 17, there are three different gardening events with Aigis. At the end, Aigis will decide that she wants to do her best to make her way in the world, like Makoto and everyone else.
✤ Reading: This activity unlocks in September and also features three different events, during which Aigis learns that staying true to her beliefs and having a strong heart are the best ways to look dependable. Aikoto-wise, the highlights are the first and second events. During the first, Aigis and Makoto read together from the same book and Aigis essentially asks him to show her his butt. During the second, Makoto has the option to reply "a cute girl" when Aigis asks what she looks like to everyone else.
✤ Studying: On 10/11, Aigis will ask Makoto to study with her so they can learn more about each other. Ken and Koromaru will join them, and the event will end with Aikoto carrying a sleeping Ken to his room.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
✤ 08/01 - Social Link: Aigis' Social Link, The Aeon, can be started on January 8. It features a platonic and a romantic route. In the platonic route, Aigis and Makoto agree to be best friends and they take a selfie together. In the romantic route, Makoto touches Aigis' Papillon heart. Both routes can be watched HERE.
Misc
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
✤ If Makoto dates Aigis and goes to Tartarus with her, she will have special dialogues (like in P3P).
✤ Compilation of all the Text Messages Aigis can send Makoto.
✤ Jundori & Aikoto Parallels, P3R Style
27 notes · View notes
Text
I’ve been gaining a lot of followers lately, so here are a few things about me and what I believe in before you hit that follow button.
1: The Jewish community is my first priority here. They are my people. My community. Therefore, antisemitism of any kind is not welcome here. Am Yisrael Chai, motherfuckers.
And because far too many non-Jews have decided to be dog whistling, This includes the term “anti-Zionism.” If you are not Jewish, or someone I know personally, or I see your comments and see that you are actually educated on what Zionism actually is and what it means, any anti-Zionism comments will get you blocked.
1A: this obviously doesn’t mean you cannot criticize or speak out against the actions of the israeli government. Israel is being monstrous in its treatment of the people of Gaza. It is reprehensible, and I personally want and yearn for a two state solution. I believe that both Jews and Palestinians have a right to safety and self determination in that land. Both groups are indigenous to the land, and both have a right to be there. We can agree or disagree on how this is achieved. I am for civil, productive conversations surrounding this. However, if you are not Jewish, Palestinian, or have family or community ties to either group, then I am giving you a lot of side eye.
1B: However, this does not give you carte blanch to go after random Israeli citizens. Do you go after random Chinese citizens for what the Chinese government is doing to the Uyghurs? Do you go after random US or Canadian citizens for their government’s treatments of their Indigenous population? No. Because that’s asinine. Same goes for Israelis. People are not their government.
1C: Hamas is a terrorist organization. They are not freedom fighters. They are monstrous as well. What they did on October 7th 2023 was the single biggest Jewish massacre since the Holocaust. They need to answer for that. They need to release the hostages. Simple as that. That being said, racism or Islamophobia of any sort will get you blocked.
Okay. That out of the way…
2: Sex work is real, valid, work and it needs to be legalized, regulated and sex workers need and deserve protection and workers rights like any other worker.
3: UBI is one of the best things we can do for people.
4: People need to be creative. And not everything has to be a side hustle. People wouldn’t need a side hustle if they could survive on their wages.
5: We don’t invest nearly enough in the arts and humanities. STEM is necessary too, but humans need art. We’ve been creating since before we had language.
6: best way to end homelessness? Give them homes. The data shows again and again and again that just giving someone a home goes an enormous way to helping them get back on their feet. It helps the economy, it helps the job force and most of all, it helps them.
7: Healthcare should be free for all.
8: Abortion rights are human rights. Abortion is healthcare. Abortion access is vital and necessary.
9: while I think that children are obviously humans and deserve and need more spaces where they are welcomed and catered to, adults need adult only spaces too. Kids do not belong at wineries, bars, concerts (that aren’t geared for kids of course) and breweries.
10: you are not a temporarily embarrassed billionaire. Wealth inequality especially in America is disgusting. The rich only got that way by exploiting the poor and the working class. Your anger shouldn’t be directed at the dentist who makes 200k a year. Your anger should be directed at the billionaire who hoards so much wealth, they or their descendants could never even hope to spend it all. They could snap their fingers and end homelessness, world hunger, etc. Eat them.
11: ANYTHING anti-trans will get you insta blocked. TERFS; go eat a knife.
12: our puritanical views towards sex and sexuality does us all a huge disservice. Everyone involved is a consenting adult? Go for it. Your kink may not be my kink, but sexual freedom and liberation are everyone’s benefit.
13: Everything bagels are the best bagels.
46 notes · View notes
metamatar · 10 months
Note
i hate all the hand wringing people (mostly from the global north) do about piracy. i live in sri lanka and have lived here most my life, and pirating things is very, very normal here. like my friends and i would ask each other for entire tv series or movies downloaded on to usb drives and share them around the whole friend group lol, especially because only one or two of us could download/stream things like that over the internet. now that i'm studying in university, it's very common for lecturers to give us pdfs of textbooks without us having to even go look for them; it's pretty widely understood that this is what we're supposed to do about required textbooks and research papers and such anyways. i honestly haven't touched a physical book in ages because i can usually never find the books i want (of the lesbian necromancy variety) in libraries, and even if i can find them in book shops, i can't afford them.
compared to this, my few years in aotearoa couldn't have been more different. even school libraries there are so much more well stocked than public council libraries here. and universities give you access to entire databases! like, anything and everything you want or need to access is right there o_o (i wanted to download a bunch of things from those databases when i was moving back, but sadly i couldn't: which might have been for the best) and books you cannot find at your local library, you could request to be brought there from another library within the region. like- what? books were still too expensive, but we had second-hand bookstores! (those were probably my favourite <3) i also remember a librarian at my school talking about how piracy is theft and how bad it is, which made me feel so guilty lmao. but also, please come and see how little access we have to anything here and then maybe you'll understand why.
yeah! i had the exact same experience in india down to my professors uploading dubiously acquired free pdfs onto the university portal.
34 notes · View notes
theanomily · 22 days
Text
H.I.V.E. Birthday Bundle-
Wing Fanchu
Tumblr media
Picrew used:
https://picrew.me/ja/image_maker/51747
Headcanons
Pre-H.I.V.E. series
In book one, Otto notices both that Wing is inexpressive and that he has a lot of scars. It is also in book one that we see the first of the whole sleeping-Wing-swats-a-hand-away-before-it-touches-him thing. In Overlord Protocol, Cypher reveals to Nero that Xiu Mei had been assassinated during a "burglary." I believe he also says that it would have been more standard for him and Wing to have been killed alongside her.
Now, Xiu Mei discovering pieces of Overlord's code is a major risk for G.L.O.V.E. Thus, I imagine that multiple operatives were sent to kill her. Equally, I imagine it would have occurred during the night to give the operatives optimum cover. Speaking of cover, they must have used knives since guns are illegal in Japan, and so using them would have brought more unwelcome inquiries regarding the break-in.
So, they enter the Fanchu household, and they split up with the intent of finding Mei. One of them stumbles across young Wing, asleep. Working on standard procedure, he goes to stab him, but he's stopped- say, for example, by one of his teammates walking past the room and reminding him that their mission is Mei alone. At some point during the incident, Wing had woken up to his stomach having a small portion of knife in it.
Following this, he struggles with sleep disturbances, and his relationships with his tutors suffer greatly for it, with him having the bare minimum energy for his studies and to be generally polite, but not enough to hide the side effects of irritability/mood swings. At the same time, his father is also becoming ever more of a recluse, making Wing ever more lonely. He's rational, yes, but anyone in this kind of situation would inevitably overthink and spiral. He becomes hyper aware of how he's expressing himself and how it seems to be driving everybody away. Therefore, he crafts himself the inexpressive mask that we all know him for. But, hey, he got his ninja reflexes in his sleep, right?
In-series (is this a term?? Well, it is now)
Wing and Nigel are the only kids in the group who have significant G.L.O.V.E. family members (sorry, Franz). Thus, when Franz begins his act of threatening kids with Nigel's father, Wing is the one to challenge Franz, whereas the others- despite feeling sorry for Nigel- primarily found it amusing. During this period, Wing ends up joining Nigel routinely in his lab, tending to something normal like peonies while Nigel invents more sinister species. Every time he does, Wing is sure to request that some nerve clusters be placed in an easily accessible location.
-
He's undisputably the best at drawing in the group (much to Shelby's dismay).
Post-series
After Otto's death, he meets someone who introduces themselves as "[surname... forename, surname]". Intrigued as it resembles his and Otto's first meeting, he asks this new person why he introduced himself as he did. The response is that he's a fan of the James Bond franchise. Assuming that Otto had once been a fan, he watches the series to commemorate his friend. When he reunites with Otto, he makes various references to James Bond, which go completely unnoticed until Shelby catches on to what he's doing. Then Otto rips Wing apart for his fan behaviour.
-
When setting up the orphanage, Wing was mildly conflicted. He could do everything the legal way: purchase materials, build everything himself, pay bills properly, etc. Or he could do it as Otto would have wanted: steal materials, convince another labourer to work for free, evade all bills, etc. In the interest of keeping the children safe and just general morals, he, of course, opted to go down the legal route, but that didn't stop him from stealing some cans of paint and a pack of screwdrivers. He denies the act to this day.
-
Initially, Wing struggled immensely with the kids. It wasn't that he disliked them or that they were poorly behaved, but when he was around them, it was like they were speaking in riddles. He felt that he was a bad role model for them in terms of surface social skills (in that he takes things literally and it's hard for them to tell when they've crossed a line because he doesn't sound mad when he speaks, but nor does he wish to shout at them, etc). He even offered to become a full-time groundskeeper rather than any form of teacher, but this never became the case.
-
Related to the above, he actively tries to become more expressive for the sake of the younger kids' development. He also makes an effort to learn various idioms and (to a far lesser extent) understand pop culture references from various different countries
-
He doubts that it would ever happen, but he knows that if he and Shelby were to be married, he would take her name and get rid of Fanchu because it was a) fake and b) his father's (and also not his mother's), and he had more of a family in Shelby than in his dad
-
However, it's not that he wants to forget his family, for he remembers fondly the time before Overlord crept back into their lives and ruined them for good. And it's not that Wing is materialistic. But when he sees a small, complete yin yang on a basic brown string, he picks it up, and it never leaves his neck.
Art
Tumblr media
Fanfic
Rating: G, No warnings apply. However, it is very much unfinished, so this is subject to change.
From Wing's perspective, a final mission when three familiar faces pop back into his life.
https://archiveofourown.org/works/58545772
(Just know that I will be hurting him somehow further down the line).
Playlist
Link:
Plain text:
Prompts For You
Final Note
Now, I know what you're thinking. It's something along the lines of: "Hey, what the fuck? There's entire categories missing, and what I've been given has all the substance of celery soup and all the appeal of expired fish guts. Who convinced me to come to this shit-ass restaurant?"
And to that, I say yeah, you're right. There's a longer post explaining myself in the drafts that just needs to be proofread. But if you're not interested in that:
A. I am sorry
B. I will aim to get this version of it finished in the next couple of weeks (so, more headcanons (probably posted seperately), the playlist, and the "prompts for you" section). The only thing exempted from this is the fanfiction, for it cannot be completed within this timeframe, but I will try my best for longer, better, and consistant updates.
C. I will not add them to this bundle, but I did have other projects intended for this planned, discarded or in the early stages of execution. I will finish them to the best of my admittedly limited ability and post them separately. I also plan to redo each element of my art showcased here and post them once they are decent enough to show in their non-minaturised form.
9 notes · View notes