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addictedtostorytelling · 2 years

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Hello, Thank you for your response to my question on role reversals with GSR. I was curious on the gsr relationship itself, rather than the professional roles being switched. All this being equal, I was interested in how Sara would take it having Grissom being the pursuer. Would she still have reservations about sharing her history after seeing so much more of Grissom's "flaws " at work? Would her relationship perceptions change seeing the dynamic between him and other female colleagues?

hi again, anon!

thank you for the clarification!

so as talked about in the original answer, i find it really hard to imagine any kind of version of grissom who would be able to throw caution to the wind and pursue sara without hang-ups from the get-go.

i mean, maybe in a situation where he never became the night shift supervisor but sara still somehow ended up working for the lvpd anyhow—like if, say, holly gribbs hadn't died but instead had just quit so brass needed to hire a junior csi to replace her and asked grissom to help him fill the spot and ended up choosing sara based on his recommendation or something—he might be more inclined to just go for it, but, honestly, even then, baby boy still has self-esteem issues miles long and fathoms deep which have been with him throughout his entire life, so it's hard for me to picture him being 100% ready to jump into a relationship, having no reservations; i still think he'd doubt his own lovability enough that he’d be cautious, you know?

that all said, if we just ignored that this behavior would be ooc for him for the sake of the hypothetical, then, honestly, i think that had grissom actively pursued sara and sought to establish a committed romantic relationship with her starting right away when she moved to vegas, then in all likelihood they probably would have ended up getting together and just being happy pretty much immediately.

more discussion after the “keep reading,” if you’re interested.

so unless sara were also behaving in an ooc way, i think she’d likely be receptive to grissom pursuing her from the get-go.

while she is not herself without hang-ups, especially regarding talking about her past, she wanted the relationship from day #1, so if she’d gotten off the plane at mccarran and grissom was there waiting for her at the terminal with a bouquet of roses, she would’ve just gone with it.

been overjoyed, even.

she wouldn’t have played hard-to-get at all.

though she may have in the back of her mind wondered how things would go re: either telling him about her trauma or not, she never would have doubted the him part of the equation, just her own side, as all of the things that grissom views as being his “deal-breaker flaws”—the parts of himself he's so afraid that she’ll reject once she sees them in the light—are things that either a) she doesn’t actually believe to be true of him or b) she knows are true of him but readily accepts (and even in some cases finds to be attractive).

grissom can’t understand how sara could actually want to be with him when in his view he is an unattractive, socially stunted, romantically inexperienced misanthrope with a dark side. he sees himself as an old man past his prime and constantly gets down on himself, knowing that even his closest friends think of him as some sort of emotionless robot.

meanwhile, in sara’s eyes, he is an absolute stud, totally attractive on every level. his social deficits don’t matter to her because, frankly, she shares many of the same deficits herself. likewise, his romantic inexperience is not in any way off-putting to her because she is similarly inexperienced and knows that they can figure things out together. though she’ll occasionally tease him about being a misanthrope, at the end of the day, she knows he is actually a consummate humanist with a deep capacity for love. she doesn’t care about his age, and she doesn’t see him as unemotional. she also doesn’t believe he has a “dark side,” full stop.

as i talk about here,

though grissom doubts his own goodness, sara doesn’t for a second. in fact, she believes in it more than anything. she loves how compassionate, humane, and just he is; how much he cares about the people in the cases they work and his deep capacity for empathy. she adores that he is a champion of persons who are vulnerable, that he speaks for the dead, that he honors and protects women and children, that he allies with the marginalized, etc. though of course she never likes for him to feel sad, she finds herself deeply touched whenever she sees his sorrow for someone he couldn’t save or an investigation that ended badly. while he often thinks the worst of himself, she knows he is the best—that he has this deep-seated and unfailing desire in him to help others and to right wrongs; that he is compelled by his nature to try to better the society he lives in and to show kindness to the individuals he encounters. that he can’t see in himself the virtues that seem so obvious to her honestly breaks her heart, which is why she never misses the opportunity to remind him that he is so much better than he gives himself credit for. just knowing that someone like him exists helps her have faith in the world. he’s such a good man, and the fact that he is is so important to her.

perhaps ironically, the only things grissom does that really ever actually threaten to run sara off for good are the things he does in the service of keeping her at arm’s length for the sake of “self-preservation.”

like.

he believes that if she finds out how (relatively) inexperienced he is with sex and relationships, that’ll be the thing to make her second-guess her desire to be with him, when in reality she’s perfectly willing to be patient with him while he learns, and in fact the thing that’s actually much more likely to discourage her in regards to him is his tendency to play hot-and-cold with her and at times be aloof (which is of course something he does so as to keep her from “getting too close” and realizing his vulnerabilities).

that so, if when she had moved to vegas in 2000, he had actually openly pursued her (just as she had expected that he would when she decided to make the move in the first place), i don’t think she would have ever been repulsed by him in the way he feared that she would.

i mean, not to say that everything would be 100% smooth sailing for them in a scenario where they got together in episode #2 of s1—because, frankly, they both undergo a lot of crucial character development and personal growth during those first five seasons before they get together in canon, so this incarnation of them as a couple would still be very raw and roughhewn and have a lot of underlying issues to ultimately work out—but certainly sara would never find grissom to be the monster he erroneously believes himself to be.

she is always so much more charmed by and attracted to and in love with him (unconditionally!) than he ever thinks is possible, so i think she’d just be thrilled if he came in and swept her off her feet right from the start.

of course, as for the issue of whether or not she’d be ready to share the truth about her past with him right away in this scenario, i still don’t think she would be immediately to begin with.

she’d still need to work up to that point—not necessarily because she doubted him but because she didn’t trust her own lovability.

even in canon, so much of the reason why it takes her so long to be open with him is because she fears that once he learns “what she came from,” he will start to look at her differently.

on a more surface level, she worries that he might pity her, but deep down what she’s really afraid of is rejection—she is scared to death that once he knows her story, he will realize there is something fundamentally wrong with her and be repulsed.

both grissom and sara see their love story as “beauty and the beast,” but they each think of themselves as the beast and the other person as the beauty.

in canon, grissom gradually proves to sara over a period of years that she can trust him and particularly that he isn’t going to abandon her or cast her out at the first sign of trouble, until eventually she is convinced that she is safe confiding in him.

in a situation where they started dating earlier because he had actively pursued her from the start, i think she’d eventually reach that same point, but it would still be something of a process; at first, she’d conceal her past from him as much as possible for fear of scaring him off, but in time there would come a kind of breaking point where she either had to tell him the truth or risk losing him. as their relationship became increasingly intimate (not just in the sexual sense but emotionally and in terms of them sharing their lives with each other), her dodges and obfuscations and flat-out refusals to broach certain subjects would place increasing strain on the relationship until she’d ultimately have to decide whether or not she was willing to lie to him for the sake of keeping her secrets—you can only avoid your boyfriend’s questions about how come you never talk about your parents for so long before finally you have to answer somehow—or else choose to confide in him once and for all. and whereas with all of her previous relationships, i think she had always chosen in those “moments of truth” to just shut things down and bounce, with grissom, i think she’d be motivated to actually open up and tell him what had happened.

she’d eventually tell him everything.

he’s her true love, after all.

this confession probably wouldn’t come about in the same way that it does in canon or on the same timescale. it might be more piecemeal—maybe she cops to the fact that her father was abusive first and only tells grissom about the murder later—with starts and stalls involved.

but to my mind, sara would ultimately always find grissom trustworthy in the end.

he’s always going to be that one person she is comfortable enough to confide her secrets in.

as for how she might react to his relationships with female colleagues, i honestly think there’d be less friction between her and grissom in this regard in this scenario than is the case in canon.

as i talk about here,

while before they are together, grissom and sara both experience jealousy whenever the other person shows any kind of potential sexual and/or romantic interest in someone else (or even when someone else shows any kind of potential sexual and/or romantic interest in the other person), they do so largely because of how helpless they feel, given their very particular "i'm in love with this person, but i can't be with them" situation.

it's the type of deal where they're going, "i'm in love with him/her, but i can't lay any actual claim to him/her, so i just have to stand back and watch this flirtation happen, and i can't really say anything about it or intercede. maybe this interaction will go somewhere or maybe it won't, but either way, i'm uncomfortable because the outcome is completely out of my hands and annoyed because i can't take any similar action to express my interest in him/her myself."

so that's why we see grissom get upset about greg asking sara out to dinner, sara dating hank, etc. and sara bristling about grissom hanging out with jane gilbert—due to insecurity and a sense of being stuck.

they're anxious because they know that someone else could potentially "take away" their one true love from them, and they can't object in any kind of meaningful way.

but later on, they're no longer in that same kind of precarious position...

[once they’re in a committed relationship and sure of each other’s feelings, particularly after they’re married,] while they both might occasionally crack jokes about the subject—like grissom does when sara remarks on the physical appearance of a suspect in reboot episode 01x03 "under the skin"—it's never really a serious thing.

they know where they stand with each other.

they know they're committed.

they're both mature enough to realize that no one can steal your spouse if they don't want to be stolen.

in the early seasons of canon, we sometimes see sara get uptight at times when grissom interacts with the likes of jane gilbert or teri miller or heather kessler or sofia curtis, but so much of that insecurity on her part comes from her sense of helplessness when it comes to her prospects with grissom—i.e., from knowing that if he were to seriously pursue one of these other women, she could do nothing about it; she’d just have to stand back and watch as the love of her life settled down with someone else.

in a situation where her bond with grissom were already fully established and she knew he was devoted from her, i don’t think she’d feel that same kind of anxiety.

instead, much as we see in the later seasons of the show in canon (when she and grissom are married between s10-s13), she would actually probably be pretty chill about him having friendships with other women. she’d be much less likely to get her hackles up, just because she’d already know where she stood with grissom and would have developed that trust in his monogamy.

anyway, those are my thoughts.

ymmv!

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #hypothetical scenario #let's talk shop #csiverse

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randomsmilingpotatoes · 2 years

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2 x 01 commentary that nobody asked for!!!

- why am I emotional and feeling suspense over the four minutes THAT IVE ALREADY SEEN😭😭

- okay that was TOO soon to introduce Marcus to Simon what😭 Simon stop smiling like that it’s too early😭

- Sara I would be happy for you if you DIDNT BETRAY US

- felice!!! looks like she’s actually going to get an arc of her standing up against her mother and I’m so proud of her for that🥹

- hmmm looks like Sara and felice may have some friendship issues living together??

- OMG forgot people have to be initiated HAHA

- I fucking LOVE the playlist for this show it’s never what I expect but it’s such a vibe

- okay simon has no business looking that pretty when he’s literally just gaming

- okay was NOT expecting August’s evil smile to be THAT early in the show

- OMG THIS IS THE PARTY THEYRE GONNA SEE EACH OTHER AT

- wille using his power against august to get into the party?? we love thattt

- also I love that the boys in his year are actually like friends ?? yay???

- wille helping Simon find Sara first without talking about them, goodd😌

- “I got a haircut” oh god WILLE hahaha

- omg Marcus texting him WHILE he’s talking to wille NO

- LESBIANS

- I FOUND HIM ON GRINDR. I - NILS!!!!!!! but also fuck wille didn’t need to know Marcus is GAY ALREADY

- okay that’s interesting, it’s good they’re not putting it down to sexuality and that it’s also the class difference

- LOVING felices hair

- Vincent and nils are everyone during school assemblies lmao

- “if you hadn’t refused to talk to the Queen” UGH fuck her

- as much as I want wille and simon together, I’m glad to see ayub and rosh talking genuinely from a friends perspective and saying he’s toxic . bc rn, he is for simon- I just hope wille can prove them wrong

- YES ROSH CANON SAPPHIC

- them IMMEDIATELY jumping to rebounding with Marcus LMAO

- not simon immediately considering it tho?? dude calm down ???

- ALEXANDER

- fuck wille is going to face the consequences of framing him isn’t he

- felices friends whose names I always forget are so pretty

- hmm. I do feel like Simon deserves to know but if wille can ruin his life then?? probably the better way to do it

- “were they together for real or is he bi?” .. what?

- Eric with that only fans girl omg we’re getting the tea

- fuck sara going to spend all that money on little things like coffee

- SIMON SINGING A SOLO YAY what an adorable reaction too

- not the only spare seat being next to wille help

- YES wille USE YOUR POWER also simon liked that

- omg no. Alexander thinking wille is different😭 I wish😭

- august. The only way you will ever have someone even ACCEPT an apology is to publicly come clean

- sara why the FUCK are you STILL helping this man

- omg she got off on that???? fuck sara THERE ARE OTHER GUYS IN THE WORLD

- “fuck, wille, don’t you realise you hurt me?” This is what he needed to hear. Good

- I just know wille has one of those phones purely so he can snap his mother shut lmao

- it makes me so happy to see Simon happy🥰

- fuck that would hurt seeing that

- the way he immediately looked to august!! yes!!!

- not him finally calling his mother to blame her and saying simons on a date with someone else I’m sorry but I laughed

- yes!!!! I’m so glad he IS this angry and is STANDING UP FOR HIMSELF! and it’s not just kept between him and his mother!!!

Fuck I am SO EXCITED for this seasonnnn

the only thing I do wanna say is that I hope wille does accept that even if he leaves the monarchy it doesn’t change what he did to Simon- he’s not automatically going to forgive him just bc he’s no longer crown prince. I’m so happy to see him angry bc it all does come down to the constraints and control of the monarchy, but his relationship with Simon and also his friendship with Alexander both come down to his own decisions and I hope he does take responsibility for that within those relationships

#young royals #young royals season 2

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peachy-kenn · 1 year

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Genshin Ships I actually like!

Said I'd do a follow-up post so here it is. I feel like there's more ships I either like or don't really care abt much than one's I dislike, but I'll just list the ones I like with a little caption of why.

Xingqui x Chongyun - this one is just so good. contender for my fav ship. you pretty much never see one without the other. they have a silly dynamic that I think is harmless and fun to see. big fan of time skip au's for this one specifically (I like to see how they've grown as ppl it makes me proud)

BeiNing - old married couple, like cmon "they don't like each other but will show up to hang out and play chess and will even ignore law-breaking for" bruh that's gay as hell. not even rivals literally just lovers.

Ayaka x Nilou - crackship, They're both criticized for being boring which I sometimes agree with (tho only with Ayaka but that's just because I wish she was a little more adventurous cause she's proven time and time again she's very capable of fending for herself). I think they would get along so well like they'd AT LEAST be besties. couples dance?? cute as fuck. also was on by fueled by that stupid ass Aether harem shit.

EiMiko - Miko really is just like the only person not afraid to challenge Ei on a normal basis and not get smitten, hell they get along too. For Ei, imo, it's either Miko or Aroace (which I lowkey like a little better but I still like this ship). Also Miko is gay gay homosexual gay (my Dad works at Mihoyo and confirmed so)

XinYun - MUSIC BABES, girls supporting girls you love to see it, joint performances??? adorable, lantern rite when Yun Jin was running around with Xinyan? CUTE. they're both so adorable and their personalities complement each other well. they're so cute together like I can't. another contender for fav

CyNari - third contender for fav, idk why I like this ship so much. it's Collei's found family older brother Tighnari and goofy ahh brother-in-law Cyno along with her cool big sis, Amber.

XiaoVen - this one grew on me ALOT once I started ignoring other ppl that ship this (sorry but you guys tend to be lowkey annoying and immature probably because you're young and spend way too much time online to respectfully be able to deal with ppl you don't agree with...) anyways I mainly like the potential dynamic these two can have.

Baizhu x Zhongli - two distinguished men that I think should love each other. that's it.

Itto x Sara - holy shit a straight genshin ship?? unheard of. anyways I like the goofball and stickler rival dynamic between them so yea I like this one. think of the shenanigans that could ensue.

Kaeya x Rosaria - the gayest straight ship I've seen since Jessie and James from team rocket. bro drinking buddies to lovers is kind of interesting. I am intrigued and wanna see this ship explored more.

Kazuha x Heizou - unsurprisingly I ship my 2 favorite characters. Like come on they'd be a perfect crime-solving duo!! Also, they get along great so like why not?

Honorable Mentions- Ayato x Itto (lmao), Eula x Amber (cute), Bennett x Fischl (boyloser and goth gf), Bennett x Razor (another cute one), Kazuha x Scaramouche (not explaining), Ganyu x Keqing (work wives fr)

Not tagging with any ships because I wanna genshin ship in PEACE. I know how some of yall get plus I don't want anyone asking me abt other ships I either don't care abt it or don't like it.

#peachy thoughts #holy shit this is way longer than I thought it would be #long ass post

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yharnamopossum · 6 years

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okay i’m gonna go off abt netta before bed cus i am POSITIVE i will never give her an actual bio (and her actual full involvement with theo’s fam/story goes wayyy beyond what i’m actually including in my big writing thing lmfao) but she’s still a really. interesting person. so.

her ties to theo begin with his parents actually (and are strongest there), and it’s really just a complete fluke he himself ever actually met her tbh. hand of fate or smthn. she knew theo’s mom sara growing up and always had a huge crush on her but never said a damn thing about it, then she eventually joined the army where she met durante (theo’s dad), who then met sara, who then won sara’s heart, aaand then theo happened LOL. but still, netta just kinda. had to deal??

i mean it’s her fault she never said anything to sara abt her lil crush pfft but still. durante knew abt it, she admitted it to him, and he and netta were still friends (frienemies, maybe?? closer to the friend spectrum lol) despite that, but they still definitely had a little rivalry of like “lol i’m gonna steal your girl” “lol i’ll break your fucking kneecaps if u try bitch” or whatever. innocent (at first ooohhhhh.....)

after a while of fighting together in the army netta discovered that, hey! mercenaries make way more money than foot soldiers!! and she split, and then a rift kinda came between her and durante morally, which then shifted into just... a rift in general? and eventually things turned kinda (very) sour. esp since being a mercenary meant netta could go/stay wherever she wanted, including her (& sara’s) hometown, meaning she saw sara way more than durante ever did and could very clearly see that sara’s already terrible depression was worsening like crazy since her husband was gone so goddamn much (ESPECIALLY after she got pregnant + had theo since she ended up raising him more or less alone)

but netta kept her distance!! from sara i mean, like she’s not the kind to try to hook up with a vulnerable person when their spouse is away or smthn lmfao, so she offered sara support from a safe distance, but it still was just. it didn’t really help. esp since netta wasn’t there TOO terribly much since she didn’t want to step on durante’s toes, which... is a good idea on paper, i guess, but in execution it really just meant that sara’s husband AND her childhood friend were both suddenly distant asf and the poor thing had no idea why

then durante came back for a while to meet his bby son, and... everything went to shit. netta tried to convince durante to join her little mercenary troop so he could stay in the area, but he refused, which made netta even more upset since she saw that as him neglecting his wife, and things just. kept getting worse and worse. in the end netta was the one who [REDACTED] and it was just. bad. like, not her fault!! not really, durante was off the shits, but her fkin rivalry with + bitterness towards him really didn’t help with fkin like. second thoughts in the moment or w/e lmfao.

but that ended up being what more or less led to sara’s death, kinda?? just the whole Being Totally Alone thing. and netta pretty much knew that, so she just fuckin. peaced!! guilt and shame for letting things get out of hand, she couldn’t face sara afterwards and just. tried to forget (tried!! didn’t work!!!) and eventually heard of sara’s death like, not too terribly long after. which she still blamed on durante for just up and fkin abandoning his wife (buuut also somewhat on herself). bad bad bad.

slash cut to like, sixteen-or-so years later!! whomst the fuck does netta find trying to steal money from her camp?? fuckin. big-ass undead armadillo bitch boy who looks a little too similar to sara. guess who!!!!!

but this is kinda where netta’s involvement gets. weird?? cus she like... she pretty much pulled an anti-snape LMFAO cus rather than be like, “ohhh this is the kid sara had with that motherfucker durante who stole and then killed the love of my life and also is intrinsically partly to blame for her death himself since her being pregnant + having a child made everything worse... i’m gonna fucking torture him!!” she got like. WILDLY protective over theo, like immediately, like “i failed sara but i’m gonna keep her fucking kid safe mark my damn words.”

but she also fucking SUCKS as a person, on top of!! being a fuckin. lunatic?? she genuinely has no goddamn sight for distinguishing good and bad, right and wrong, etc etc. she sees an outcome that she deems as good and then ignores the morality of all middleman to GET to that outcome. it’s why she turned to mercenary work without any sort of second thought at all tbh (”money is good, and killing people makes money, therefore... killing people is good?🤔”), absolutely no moral compass. so she finds sara’s kid, she goes “i’m gonna protect him!!” and then her logic for HOW to do said protecting is “i know! i’ll manipulate him into joining my mercenary troop + make him more or less depend on me so i can keep an eye on him :)” like!! bitch!!!! no!!!!!!!!!!!!

but it WORKED!! theo is JUST like his father, so she knew EXACTLY what to say & do to get him to join her. and honestly?? she DID protect him -- force him to do some horrible things under the guise of “that’s just what we do fam,” sure, but protect him nonetheless -- and it wouldn’t have been all too fucking terrible if it weren’t for FUCKING theo’s shitty (second) ex oslo coming in and spilling the goddamn beans about [REDACTED] and throwing a wrench into goddamn everything (Everything Is Oslo’s Fault CANON™). theo said fuck you to netta and left her troop to join oslo’s and she just. she weirdly tends to just drop a subject once the other party has made up their mind, so she didn’t do anything to try to convince him to stay. she just said, “well, i’ll be here if you change your mind or want to talk about it :/” and that was that. peace.

regardless, she like. was never really a good person, but her heart was in the right place, kinda???? like, she really genuinely did/does care about theo and hopes to god he’s alright wherever he is (which ofc once theo ditched oslo that fucker had the nerve to tell netta “oh he died (:” cus he didn’t want to just admit he got broken up with but tbh netta knows better) but i mean. who tf knows i...... am kinda thinking of having her and theo meet again in the far far future to talk things out tho tbh...... hmph

idk man she’s just... weird. very well-meaning, somewhat, but also horribly manipulative and cold. her way of dealing with things not going her way is an immediate “welp! guess that’s just how things be!” quickly followed by a sudden and utter fucking off, which... honestly does more harm than good most of the time. like, if netta had stayed close to sara after durante’s death rather than going “welp! that’s that!” then, let’s be real, sara probably wouldn’t have died cus she would have had someone keeping her healthy. likewise, if netta had fought a bit more to keep theo with her rather than going “welp!” and letting him run off with oslo (who she KNEW would just use and abuse him), then!! theo never would have had to deal with all the bullshit he went through with that asshole!!! (in fact, come to think of it, if she hadn’t just gone “welp!” when theo FIRST declined her offer and had tried to convince him, he wouldn’t have had to go through any of the bullshit with his FIRST ex boyfriend EITHER smh dammit sis), but she’s just too fucking impassive + sociopathic. like, the biggest blow her heart ever had to endure was finding out that sara had died (+ the knowing that she herself had played an undeniable part in sara’s neglecting herself to death), and yet, know what her reaction was after .0003secs when the shock of it all had worn off??? “welp!”

wack

#oc nonsense #long post #netta [writing]#netta #oof this got long soz but she's weird #i stayed up way later than i should have writing this LOL oh well #i think i'm gonna have things be happier in modern stuff tbh #like i know she and sara will probably never actually get together even tho sara is still alive in modern shit #but at the very least netta can like. actually keep her fkin safe #esp in ballet au n stuff like that where theo eventually does exchange student type stuff and sara is left alone #she needs someone to watch after her :c #hh i lov sara sm i'll write about her eventually too lmfao #but! for now!! christ a bitch needs sleep!!!!!! goodnight lmfao

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lilyharvord · 3 years

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I saw another anon on king mavens page ask how Cal would react if mare died and they didn’t wanna answer bcuz it’ll make them go into a depressive state. So if u don’t mind how do YOU think Cal would react if Mare died. If u don’t wanna write this u don’t hv too tho

I too saw annie's response, and while it makes me super sad to think about as well.... I've thought about it... I may have started writing a fic about it once (it was like once chapter), and I had an idea. So I'll give you my branched ideas. They're loooong so I have put them under the read more.

idea 1: Mare dies before they are married, before anything.

It's horrific. People are shocked... the little lightning girl? Dead? Impossible. Cal doesn't immediately hear about it, he's so busy he's doesn't know something's happened until he walks into a room and everyone goes quiet and slowly looks at him like he might collapse right then and there. He finds out because Farley pulls him aside. She takes him away from everyone to a quiet little garden with a fountain and tells him what happened. When he hears, he just sort of gives her this confused look, like HE doesn't understand, doesn't believe. Then he sort of sinks down onto one of the benches and just sits there. Doesn't move, doesn't even seem to be breathing. Farley thinks he'll explode in a ball of heat and rage and pain, but instead he just gets really really quiet, and really cold. The air around her gets so cold her breath fogs in front of her. He asks her to leave him alone and she does. He sort of draws into himself after that, doesn't really speak to anyone, spends a lot of time running and sitting at his desk and staring out the window. He attends the funeral but is quiet the whole time, he only speaks to the Barrows and even then, there isn't much to say that wouldn't hurt either party. After that he BURIES himself in his work. He gets so good at it that one day he looks up and ten years have passed. He's still got the stack of letters they wrote to each other, and he even has the letter he had been drafting to send to her on the front where he lost her. It ends with the phrase: I miss you. And god does that ring true. He miss her like a limb he lost. It feels like a part of him was torn away, just like with Maven, just like with his father, just like with Nanabel when she passed a few years back, just like the hole his mother left without him even knowing it was there. He visits her grave that year, just sort of sits under the little tree they planted, looks out at the mountains as the sun sets behind him, and talks to her like he does with Maven, tells her about everything that's happening. After a while, he just falls quiet and sits there, digging his hand into the grass and dirt right above the grave, like he can dig down to her, like it's her skin and he can still feel it's warmth. He swallow really heavily and then says: I never met anyone else that made me feel the way you did... I don't think I ever will. You were it. You were going to be it. And then he gets up and leaves. He runs into Gisa down in the Ascendent, they grab coffee at what was once Mare's favorite coffee shop, now it's Gisa's. They talk about everything, never mentioning Mare. Gisa only asks once if he's seen anyone, and he just shakes his head, and she gives him a tiny smile and says: she wouldn't have minded... well if a random bolt of lightning came from the heaven and struck you, then I guess you would know she minded. They laugh about that, and then he leaves cause he has an early flight home. When he gets back, he puts the letters in a box and then puts that box in a drawer. He never sees anyone else though. Doesn't even really fool around with anyone either. He tries once, and the whole time he just thinks about her, thinks about all the what if's and could be's. He apologizes profusely to the girl and says that it's not going to work. Something in her understands, some weird warmth that she gets that makes her pull him into an extra tight hug before she leaves from his little apartment in Archeon. He doesn't mind being alone as much, he has his friends and a strange little belief/hope that someday, he will see Mare again. And when he does he is going to pull her into the tightest hug and never, ever let go again.

idea 2: Mare dies after they are married and have at least 1 child

This one hurts far more. He knows she's on missions, and they made a pact to never be on missions together so that if the unthinkable happens and one of them does die, Coriane will have the other at least. Its a god awful early hour of the morning when there is knock on the door. Coriane is sleeping in his and Mare's bed, she had a nightmare and immediately came for comforting snuggles. He thinks he's dreaming when the knock comes again, a little more instant this time. He gets up, and Coriane sleepily trails after him, curious as a cat always. When he answers the door, he picks her up and is still sort of half asleep. When he sees the young soldier standing on the porch in uniform and the most pained look on his face, he is suddenly wide awake. The soldier reaches up and removes his hat before pulling out an envelope with the official Montfort seal on it. He holds it out and quietly says, "I'm sorry."

When Cal takes it, he worries that his hand is shaking, but it is perfectly still, Coriane is falling asleep on his shoulder, not even aware of the ramification of what this little envelope means. And he just sort of looks up at the man and asks, "Do the Barrows know?" The man blinks before saying, "Protocol dictates immediate family are informed first... spouses are immediate family along with children. We leave it to them to inform the rest...I'm sorry again sir." Then he gives a little clean military salute and leaves. Cal stands there for a long time looking at empty space, wondering what comes next, what he is even supposed to do. Coriane answers for him: by lightly tapping his cheek and whispering that she's cold. He closes the door, and sets the letter on the little table by the door. There are already four other letters there. One, an invitation to Farley's wedding to Cordelia at the end of the month, and another is a letter from Julian addressed to all of them, most likely about his trip with Sara to see the land north of Montfort. But there is her name in beautiful script on both envelopes. There is her favorite jacket hanging on the peg she always hangs it on. There is the book she left on the table, chaptered at the exact part she was on. There is her favorite mug in the sink because Coriane asked to drink her milk from it last night. She is everywhere in the house, and yet that letter means she will never be in it again. Those were her things. They not longer are. He carries Coriane up the stairs and puts her back in their his bed and then lays next to her, watching her chest rise and fall as she sleeps, a tiny smile creeping to her lips as she dreams, completely and blissfully unaware of how her life has fundamentally changed now. Then he rolls and stares at the ceiling, but the tears come and they don't stop as they fall silently. He gets up and showers at dawn--he didn't sleep-- and cries a little more there. He has to crouch down under the scalding water and bite down on his knuckle to keep from sobbing out loud and waking Cori. It's pitiful, and he knows it. She would be furious with him for not being honest about how he feels and trying to hide it like its some ugly thing. But it feels ugly, a twisted ugly thing in his chest that is screaming and clawing at his insides. He stands, turns the shower off, steps out, shaves, does his morning routine, and then wakes Coriane and gets her ready. She's still sleepy, doesn't understand, asks him when mommy is coming home, when she will be back so they can go to the market and get ice cream. He says they'll go today, but his voice shakes, even as he tries to hide it. Then he takes her to the Barrows, tells Ruth and Daniel to gather all of them together. When they are all sitting before him in the living room, packing it to the brim, he takes out the letter and reads it. There is a horrible silence when he finishes and folds it before putting it back in the envelope. Ruth slowly pulls Coriane toward her and then lifts her into her lap and hugs her so tightly Cori actually whines about it for a second before she sees the look on Cal's face. They all sit in the kitchen after that and Ruth makes tea and she makes hot chocolate for the kids and gives Coriane an extra 4 marshmallows. The kids leave to go play and the adults sit and discuss the logistics, where is the will, was the a will? Do they have to adhere to anything if there isn't one? Would she want to... to be buried on Tuck with Shade? The will would probably say. Should they do that if there isn't one? Ruth offers to take care of Coriane while Cal deals with everything, settling paperwork, etc. etc. Then everyone kinda starts talking about everything again, and he just sits in silence and stares at this knot on the table that Mare pointed out to him because she said it looked like a turtle on its back. He traces it a few times, just sort of thinking about that moment and all the other times they would be in this kitchen doing dishes after family gatherings etc. Farley watches him from across the table

before getting up and nodding for him to follow her outside. Everyone pretty much doesn't notice them leave, or they pretend not to notice. They sit outside on the back porch in silence, just the two of them. After a little bit, it starts to snow. The first snow of the year. Farley holds her hand out to catch the flakes and says quietly: "I hate that it doesn't rain when these things happen. It always feels like it should be raining." He nods silently in agreement, and then she sets her hand on his shoulder, and he bends forward, letting the weight of it drop his head into his hand. He doesn't cry again, he honestly doesn't understand why he feels nothing now, just emptiness, and numbness from the tips of his fingers all the way to the tips of his toes. Even with Maven he didn't feel this way. He felt something then, something biting and hot like a pan that he touched when it just came off the stove. They sit like that for a long time before Coriane comes outside, and slips underneath his arm to snuggle against him. Farley gets up and leaves then, sensing she's said her peace and he understands she's there if he needs her. He holds Coriane close when the back door closes, and she whispers quietly to him, "Mommy's not coming home, is she?" and he just squeezes her once in answer. She frowns and stares out at the snow for a second and then turns around to face him and cups his cheeks in her little hands like she had seen Mare do a hundred times when Cal was in the middle of an especially hard day. She looks at him with a very serious expression for a child and he can see Mare in her when she does that, in the crease of her brows and the slight squint in her eyes. In the hint of chocolate brown in the curls of her hair. She will be furiously beautiful like her mother, and he had a feeling someday she will break a man's heart like his is breaking now. She looks at him for a good little bit and then says, "don't worry, I will take care of you." And he laughs, knowing that Mare always said the same thing. He pulls her close again and whispers with a thick voice, "it's my job to take care of you. But it's just us now... we have to take care of each other."

The funeral is in the spring. Cal pushed it off. Mare hated the winter. Even though she had happier memories of it now, her childhood and the painful clenching of her empty belly were like a permanent stain on the season. He would not bury her in that time. When the snow thaws and the ground melts, they release her ashes on a hill and leave stone for her on a hill under a tree, with a view of the mountains. There is a long line of epithet underneath her name: beloved daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother. Staring at it, Cal wonders if she knows just how important she had become. If she knew that she wasn't just a captain, or a figurehead that brought a centuries old regime to its knees. Everyone leaves after, the Barrows going last, but Cal and Coriane stay. Cal just sitting in the grass next to the grave, the wind in his hair while he watches the mountains for a little while. Coriane sits on the grave, probably not the nicest thing to do, but she does, and traces Mare's name over and over again on the stone with her little finger. "Mommy had a long name." She says as she traces the four names on the stone. Cal hesitated to put his name on there with hers, but he adopted the Barrow name as much as Mare took the Calore one when they married. And in the very, very short will she had drafted, that he almost didn't read because reading it made everything real, she asked that he put both their names on it (but to put his name before hers and she even made a little quip at him in the will about it which made him laugh, even as it made him cry). He glances at Cori after she says that and nods. She then crawls into his lap and they sit watching the mountains before Coriane says, "Uncle Julian says that when people die, they become the dirt that feeds the trees and the grass... do you think mommy is happy to be tree food?" He laughs and hugs her really close before saying, "She's not tree food. That dust we let go of today was mommy. She's on the winds now, traveling everywhere."

He does not remarry, no matter how many years pass, and how many women try to infer that it might be for the best if Coriane had mother in her life. He thinks its a stupid notion that he can't raise his own child on his own. And its hard, god is it hard. But he does it. He makes Coriane Barrow Calore into a women that Mare Molly Calore Barrow would have been very proud of. And he holds onto the notion that someday, when he dies, and they scatter his ashes, that his will find Mare's and they'll be together again that way.

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sharpe-lances · 3 years

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7.08 Paranoid Android

i don’t think i’m gonna be able to organize my thoughts about the episode and put them into words??? like it was so good and it was a great midseason premiere. the only thing i didn’t like about it is that robo!avalance didn’t kiss haha jk unless,,

INTRO

HOW WONDERFUL WAS THIS INTRO?!?! i like the quotation marks they had in their names 😂😂😂 probably nodding to the fact that they thought they were the real legends lmao (also i liked sara’s narration at the beginning)

EVIL!GIDEON

evil!gideon is so sick like she programmed the robo!legends to believe that they’re the real legends and the ones they’re going after are the robo ones who are evil 😭😭 she’s really the mastermind of them all with the help, of course, of dr. sharpe

DR. SHARPE

at first i thought she was the most evil of them all, with all her manipulations and secrets. i thought she was time mistress!ava who got thrown out to the temporal zone but it turned out she was also a robot.

ranking the robo!legends on the evil scale, dr. sharpe is most definitely just below gideon. she knew about gideon’s plans and she was okay with it???? she literally said, “don’t you see? we can’t die.” she’s all about protecting the timeline no matter what (kinda like our s3 agent sharpe but not quite)

again, jes’ acting was superb !! (everyone’s actings were). i don’t know if dr. sharpe was actually written as such, but the way jes portrayed dr. sharpe as an emotionless android, with her monotonous voice and poker face, was so good.

ROBO!LEGENDS

i never thought robo!behrad would be so fond of violence. he’s a total opposite of our behrad. he even competes with spooner about guns and fights with her over who gets to shoot the target. like when he wanted to avenge zari, he wanted to shoot people.

on the other hand, spooner’s love for guns and shooting was only amplified lmao.

I LOVED ROBO!ZARI AND ROBO!ASTRA SO MUCH. i missed seeing them together bc they have a really good dynamic even with their robot counterparts.

zari and her stress ball???? hilarious. zari hacking with one hand while holding her stress ball in the other??? hot. also, the way she called gideon ‘gidget’ 😂 maybe gideon left it in her programming bc she secretly liked it lol. i also never expected that she’d double-cross sara and get manipulated easily by evil!gideon (it kinda made me sad) but at least we got lots of sara and zari interaction, even if it’s with z 2.0.

astra caring for the timeline by saying the people needed to die the way they did in the original timeline???? unexpected. astra in this episode was basically serving looks while quarterbacking and betting on how sara would kill the doctor lmao.

gary this episode was just him going to a buffet 😂😂😂😭😭😭

nate and his “red ain’t good” and his hilariously ginormous arms and his incessant need of punching or kicking people 😂😂 the way he was programmed, like he was all body and no brains, was so funny along with the fact that he didn’t care about history as much as our nate did lol. plus, he speaks very funny 😭😭😭 tho his beard is very sexy

lastly, but definitely not the least, robo!sara killed me with her white canary suit and her other outfit. the ponytail???? the knee-high boots???? like omg my heart couldn’t handle it. the part where she pretended to be asleep during surgery and stayed silent the whole time through the pain reminded me of our assassin!sara 🥺😭 and the fact that she started to question everything she was doing to preserve the timeline just proves how much of a good person our sara really is (because, you know, the androids were programmed after our legends’ personalities). however, robo!assassin!sara was very hot though ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

they really were programmed differently by evil!gideon. she turned them into murderous psychos in the guise of fixing the timeline and protecting history and that was so twisted of her 😭 7.03 has a whole new meaning now and makes so much more sense because it showed that after everything our gideon has been through with our legends, they created a special bond that made our gideon a lot more than just an AI whose primary purpose is to serve the timeline. (maybe rip’s program has somehow helped but i believe it was mostly due to the family they created through time)

i initially thought that the robo!legends were gonna side with sara after dr. sharpe told them the truth but instead they laughed it off and didn’t even give it a second thought. i think the path they’re going with the robo!legends is that they’ll probably become self-aware and question their actions and have existential crises as the season goes and our legends are gonna help them sort themselves out??? (if this is what will happen, i hope our ava and gideon have big roles to play, seeing as they’re more familiar with being programmed and could relate more to them). and maybe then robo!avalance would get together 😏😏 i could only hope lol.

also, i’m looking forward to when our legends find out about the existence of robo!legends and how they will react. i just wanna see our legends fighting their robo counterparts. it would be so cool.

SOME MORE THOUGHTS

i seriously believed at first that robo!avalance were secretly dating because how the hell do you explain those meaningful looks™️??? and the sexual tension™️???? oh god

my s7 eps ranking!!

7.07

7.08

7.04

7.01

7.03

7.05

7.02

7.06

also,, i’m waiting for all the robo!avalance fics to come. can’t wait 😆 the “sorry to interrupt, doc” line really got me eidosjaaoakaj

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lgbtqlegends · 3 years

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Just saw that ask about Sara and hypothermia. It is so heartbreaking, especially when you consider the scene between her and Snart in season 1. She talked about how the prevailing emotion she felt when she died (Thea killing her) was loneliness. She talked about feeling like the people she loved were really far away and said that "at least I'm not alone" this time.

The other times she has died since then, and been accepting of her impending death

ok so this ask came in 2 parts:

Sorry, hit send too soon. She has been accepting of her death a few times on Legends, but always when she was with her team. I can't imagine her being deep in space, alone in a pod, thinking that she was dying.

I really want her to have some quality time with Ava and her team to relax and process afterwards, whether that is on-screen or not.

okay so i wanna start by saying g o d yesss that scene was soo heartbreaking. out of the 2 avalance scenes (proposal reveal and this one), this one is the one that hit me hardest, and still continues to hit me hardest (no i am Still not over it okay). and then thinking about that scene while also remembering the conversation she had with snart just makes it even more heartbreaking because she's on the brink of death, probably is sure she actually is Going to die, and everyone she loves is literally millions of miles (or even lightyears) away.

it's just,,, hhhh Heartbreaking,,, to think about sara in that pod, freezing and alone, thinking she's gonna die, thinking she's not gonna be able to make it back to ava, thinking she'll never get to propose to her or marry her (such good angst tho,,,, hmmmm maybe if i can get the little gremlin in my brain to Work I'll write a little drabble thing abt what's going through sara's head while she's in the pod)

i Also really want her to have some quality time with ava and the team and for her to be able to relax and take a breath and process all of it. i'd love to see it on-screen but i'd also be happy reading it (or Possibly writing it) in fic.

like maybe a scene where like,,, after they get her back and all the chaos has died down, ava and sara slip away from the team just to have a moment to themselves so they can check in on each other. neither of them really knows what they need, or what the other needs, but they both know they need some time alone together. they're both exhausted, so they just like,,, change into pjs (and sara of course steals ava's clothes bc she's been gone for who knows how long and she missed ava and she loves wearing ava's clothes), and then clamber into bed and snuggle under the covers. and it seems like sara can't get close enough bc she keeps squirming and trying to pull herself closer and like,, cocoon herself in ava's arms and in the blankets, so ava just like,, holds her tighter and runs her fingers through sara's hair to settle her and she asks what's going on, and sara tells her that she's so warm and the pod was so cold and she's trying to bury herself in the warmth and let it seep deep in her bones bc she never wants to be that cold again, and ava just pulls her as close as she possibly can and kisses her head and they just lay there cuddling for a while until they both fall asleep.

#avalance #sara lance #ava sharpe #legends of tomorrow #lot s6 premiere

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tartagliaxx · 3 years

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hi. i only got to play in inazuma today so here's me live reacting to the archon quest. it's a lil out of context tho so have fun trying to figure out which parts im talking abt. also, this is the only time i'm going to be talking abt spoilers for at least one week so... 🤷‍♀️

swordfish ii? cute.

Jesus Christ. and here i thought it was my lowest settings that made his hair grey… this poor kid. teppei i admire your determination but no… just no...

SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

IF EVIL WHY SO HOT

you know.... scaramouche could stand still and the air would get electrified. and yknow,,, that's p... that's p attractive

ugh im disgusting myself. and here i thought i still had an inch of sanity left in me.

of all people it had to be this little jerk

scaramouche is so fucking evil. i’d like ten of him, please.

man,, they expect me to dodge this shit? that’s the biggest l i’ve heard today. none of that shit. i’m bringing out my zhong and my sweet madames skrrt

sayu is adorable… i remember when i had hopes of growing up too… alas, it has come to this.

OH MY GOD AYATO CRUMBS. I AM LICKING THAT SHIT UP. PLEASE— HE HAS A SECRET UNIT. THATS SO HOT WTF. AYATO MY DEAR, PLEASE DONT BE A REGULAR ICKY NPC BUT WHITE HAIRED…

SNEAKY SNEAK. SNEAKY SNEAK.

THOMA OH MY GOD MY MALEWIFE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? also, sayu’s sleeping again. this girl’s got talent. is her circadian rhythm okay?

pains me to be the bearer of all bad news and no good news…

WAIT THOMA IS LEAVING NO DONT LEAVE YET I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU MORE

oh nvm he’s still in the background.

EYY WHATS UP AYAKA. YOU’RE AS FINE AS EVER.

i… i don’t like where this is going… i refuse to be the bait. i’m too hot for that. so spicy they’ll spit me right out

DONT VOLUNTEER YOURSELF LUMINE— GIVE ME AN OPTION OR AT LEAST AN ‘OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN’ LINE

YES FIREWORKS THAT WOULD WORK RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME THAT WOULD WORK-

oh thank god… wait... they… they wouldn’t ask me to be the one to set off the fireworks right?

UNFORTUNATELY NO. AFTER YOU BECOME A FREE MAN, YOU’RE IMMEDIATELY MARRYING ME THOMA ANJKFHAIGHLANGKLAHOFJLKAB

oh crap… i’m… i’m in deep.

HE’S BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US AGAIN EVERY DAY SINCE HE GOT THERE ANFLaglvbajlfblabvljabefva;bfalLJBLJDABVBAALSNADL tumblr user @tartagliaxx is broken. she is now irreparable. she has no regrets. goodbye.

ehem… what if… you and i… and hotsprings… together?? JUST KIDDING. PG-13 OVER HERE. NOTHING INDECENT WHATSOEVER MOVE ALONG NOW

poor thoma,,,

oh come on ayaka… cut us some slack… i just watched lumine wheeze bc of evil purple mist only to be dragged into 2 timeskips and an entire training arc. dont let her be yet another traumatized shounen manga protagonist… altho, it might be uh… too late for that…

oh dear… is thoma going to get another round of diarrhea?

OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S ME DOING ALL THE WORK. OF COURSE IT’S ME WHO’S RISKING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN. GOD! GIVE LUMINE A BREAK. BEING A TRAVELER DOES NOT MEAN IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.

hello yoimiya… still looking as bomb as ever i see……… mhm… gonna see myself out rn…

HELP MY SHITTY GRAPHICS COMPLETELY ERADICATED HER BROWS

oh god… are we dying because of fireworks? forget getting caught by the patrol… we’re about to light up an untested firework that was made to be a billion times more explosive….

NO. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE CURSED SENTENCE. WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? IDK YOU TELL ME. YOU JUST SENTENCED US TO DEATH YOIMIYA GREAT GOING still love you tho.

man… these patrol guards aint shit… i literally walked an inch behind their backs and they did nothing… its a surprise the rebellion still hasn’t won when they place guards like this in their ranks………. ok that was kinda mean i’ll apologize in a bit.

SAYU OMG… DONT WORRY I’LL SNEAK YOU OUT AND RISK MY LIFE willingly JUST TO RESCUE YOU. ILYSM HONEY YOU’RE DOING SO WELL

no, paimon. it’s not but we’re doing it anyway 🤡

NO ONE TOLD ME WE’RE GOING TO RUN. I WENT COMPLETELY OFF COURSE. first try tho 😏

HELLO THOMA. HELLO AYAKA.

HELLO SAYU. HOW DID IT GO? IM GUESSING IT WENT WELL BC YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?

oh no….. she’s worn herself out…. man,,, this is why you dont make convicts out of kids….

WE ASKED SAYU FOR AN INCH AND SHE GAVE AS TEN THOUSAND MILES. SAYU MY CHILD YOU EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

god, don’t remind me. as hot as the shogun trying to kill us w her blade was, i don’t appreciate almost getting murdered on screen (even if we most certainly have plot armor)

awwww is thoma worried about me uwu owo? dw i have like… a lumine w 6% crit rate by my side

sigh… i dont want to leave yet… cant i just stay by thoma’s side and not go to war for a change?

it was at this moment that tumblr user lei saw the wonders of being a housewife.

oh sara… my stars… i’m so sorry. i feel so bad for you but at the same time… this oddly makes me want to write a song for you ABJFJKABJABCABVABVKA I KNOW JACK SHIT ABT SONGWRITING WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS

well… there she goes…

oh…. oh….. yae is stealing my heart. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO (i have an alt for a reason heehee)

DEAR LORD. PLEASE STEP ON MY NECK SARA.

these guys got guts to say ‘i’m sorry ma’am’ to THE kujou sara.

oh old man… you’re dead. you’re so dead.

man… this old man is a simp? sheesh.

YES. GO TELL EM PAIMON. PREACH THAT SHIT LOUD AND CLEAR.

oh my god… is that dude dead? i probably should’ve uh apologized b4 he flopped down to the ground ig…

MAN,, SARA’S DOWN FOR THE COUNT?? tbf i didnt expect much but…. also, AYE SIGNORA’S SO ICY.

she’s calling me out for being a simp ;-; heart been broke so many times or smth

OH SHIT LUMINE SPOKE. MAN,, WHY IS SHE SO COOL.

oh… i love this part of the vow… im suddenly inspired to write… how about a wedding au? an angsty wedding au?

goddamn… it’s been nice knowing you all…. i dont think i’ll come out of this alive if signora went out like that…

WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU SAYING KAZUHA WENT THROUGH THIS BS? IS LUMINE OKAY-

DID THEY REALLY JUST STORM THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAPITAL?? THEY HAVE SOME NERVE.

FUCK OMG KAZUHA AHHAHFHAFHAHGKJABKASBGA IM TEARING UP WTF WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL- HONEY BUN THATS SO HOT OF YOU TO DO

oh… oh it’s time for round two? haha… time to… say my goodbyes….

yo… there are actual tears in my eyes… like… idk why… but that cutscene? shit man… that hit me…

hm… i feel bad for the shogun… ultimately, there is reason behind every act no matter how horrid. no matter how unreasonable, the reason one thinks of is always justified on their end. whatever everyone else thinks pay little effect on whether the act is fulfilled or not. also, her little laugh? i’m extra deceased.

the animation's fire as always wtf

oh but my kokoro... oof... my kokoro... ugh...

I’M SO FUCKING DONE AJKFHAKJBVAK- WE BEAT A HARBINGER AND FOR WHAT? she should’ve just tossed that gnosis into the ocean or smth...

HAH OMG SCARAMOUCHE. WHAT A MAN. I’M- I WAS RIGHT OMG. I HAD A LIL THEORY AND ITS JUST SMTH I HAD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’LL ACTUALLY COME TRUE DEAR LORD. so now ig i have to admit i think abt him a lot and he has a soft spot in my heart 🥺 he’s evil you see and you know what my type is? evil men or at the very least, men with the potential to be evil. ugh so annoying.

scaramouche banner when

bc i sold everything worthy of money in me (read as my organs) for albedo, i'll sell my soul for him how about that?

EYE- makoto huh… well… fuck…

it’s day 400 of being ayato less even if he’s like… teased a million of times (jk it’s like… a grand total of seven but thats still p high)

im so… sigh…

i wonder if i’m still alive by the time sumeru releases… at the very least, i know my brain wouldn’t be.

....we were literally a captain for like... one second. that is so sad.

#˗ˋˏ°• afternoon tea rambles •°ˎˊ˗#inazuma spoilers

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t-lostinworlds · 5 years

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Extra (Tom Holland)

A/N: What is this? I have finished something? Me?? posting?? A FIC? WHAT? Is the world actually ending!?!? I think I’m funny but I’m not, clearly. Glad to be out of my writing rot tho aha. Hope you guys like this one!

Pairing: Tom Holland x Singer!Reader

Summary: You get a sweet but very extra surprise on your birthday nearing the end of your show.

Warnings: Fluff and my usual typos

Word Count: 5.5k+

Masterlist in Bio

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The sound of your phone just going off uncontrollably was what woke you up, and you were completely sure that it wasn't your alarm.

You squint your eyes at the bright glare of the screen, a huge contrast to your still dim hotel room. You literally had just woken up hence why the curtains aren't open yet, it's still a bit too early after all.

Flicking the ringer on silent, birthday greetings and messages from friends and families were still flooding through, your phone now vibrating instead of your loud ringtone, giving your ears a break.

As you read through and responded to all of them, you couldn't help but feel a little down after you realized you haven't seen his name yet.

Of course you feel grateful for all the sweet messages everyone has sent you, your heart is melting from all the love. But there's that slight disheartened feeling that you can't seem to shake, slight worry that your boyfriend might have forgotten about your birthday.

You haven't heard from Tom since yesterday morning, which now makes it almost a full day. After he texted you that he was going to be doing a lot of stunts and is probably going to be super busy, he then just disappeared, not even slipping in a text good night. You did let it pass though, because he might have been quite knackered after the shoot.

Message to Tom: Good morning bub <3 Just checking up on you since you haven't read or replied to any of my messages at all. Hope you're okay and haven't injured yourself Thomas. I really miss you a lot and I love you loads x

Your frown could only deepen as you hit send, still no response nor any sign that he's got your messages whatsoever.

Normally, it wouldn't really be a big deal but the last you've seen him in person was three months ago. He was busy shooting the third installment of Spider-Man all while doing a few projects on the side. And you, well, you're touring around the world.

You could be patient and blame it on the time difference why he hasn't greeted yet, but he's just behind a couple hours. Tom has made it a habit of always greeting you at midnight no matter what and where, he's just cliché like that, and it was definitely passed midnight in New York.

God, you sound so much like a whiny and ungrateful brat, but you can't help it, you just miss him so much.

Maybe you've gotten so used to always spending your birthdays with him so the first time that you're celebrating it from different parts of the globe, it does makes you sad.

You did try to make ends meet, but a week before today, he's brought you the news that he can't fly out due to conflicting schedules with some of the actors he's working with, and that it's critical that he's there on the day. To be the leading role of a gigantic movie, asking a few days off is never that simple.

On the other hand, you have a show today and tomorrow, so flying to him isn't exactly ideal either. You understand of course, you are sort of in the same line of work, but still, it doesn't make you feel any less gloomy.

With one big stretch, you placed your phone back on your side table as you slowly got out of bed, opting to go and take a shower to then head down and meet the crew for breakfast.

Maybe you'll hear from him later in the day.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon and still not a single word from Tom.

You were growing worried because it was so unlike him to be very cut off and silent.

Did he lose his phone?

You tried to contact Harry—who's with Tom currently—but he too wasn't responding. Everything was just off and odd altogether, the tiny pit in your stomach only growing bigger the more you worry and think about where your man is.

"Have you heard from Tom?" You asked with furrowed brows the moment Molly, your manager approached you on stage. Your hand found its way to fish your phone out of your pocket to check it for the umpteenth time, but still, no sign of him.

You were finishing up your final soundcheck before you were off to a mini get-together—snacks and drinks included—with some of your fans. It was your alternative to a meet and greet because you'd rather hang out and have real conversations with them than the whole quick snap and go.

She shook her head at you all confused, a slight glimmer in her eyes that you didn't quite catch. "Uh no, why?"

You sighed. Tom doesn't really contact your manager unless its important matters, so you don't even know why you're asking, maybe you've just grown desperate to hear even the smallest thing from him, just anything. "Never mind. Is it time?"

"Yeah, they're all waiting for you."

You simply nodded as you followed her off stage, handing the guitar over to your guy on the way.

Walking through the hallway, you kept your head down, eyes glued to your phone as you respond to more messages from people, but also checking if Tom has come back from ghost town.

You were aimlessly following Molly to wherever room or space they set up the get-together in, just watching her shoes and never looking up from your device. That, until you heard a few shuffling of rushed feet and a door being slammed shut.

"What was that? And what's in here?" You asked, eyes now trained on a door of what looks like another dressing room. Molly continued walking, so you kept following but with your gaze still glued to the door, curios as to what's going on inside because you definitely can hear a bit of ruckus.

"Oh just the staff, that's one of their rooms." She answered casually, not even bothering to give you or the room a glance.

"Is it weird if I just go inside and say thank you? Would that be too... intrusive?" You pondered, halting in your tracks as you contemplated on knocking. You just wanted to extend your gratitude for all their hard work, but you aren't sure if they were comfortable with you suddenly just strolling in.

"It's not weird at all hun, but you've got a schedule." She smiled at you sweetly, nodding her head towards the direction of the get-together.

"Oh right, yeah, let's go."

You gave the door one last look before turning on your heel to follow Molly once again, up until you reached another space covered in curtains. And the moment your bodyguard pulled it open, wide smiles on faces greeted you as they all sang in tune.

"Happy birthday to you!"

You laughed as you shyly shook your head at them. Warmth coated your whole body in an instant as love and pure adoration radiated off of the space, off of your fans.

You did as much as wave your fingers in the air as they sang, serving as a conductor because for the number of years you've been on this earth, you still have no idea what to do when people sing the birthday song to you.

* * *

"I can't thank you guys enough for being here with me tonight. You guys have been so incredible, you always are." You breathed out as your voice echoed throughout the whole arena. You looked at the thousands of people who came tonight to see you perform with a proud grin, their energy never wavering as they sing your songs back to you from each melody to lyric.

Adrenaline was pumping through your veins as you tried to catch your breath, taking the water bottle off of the floor and lifting it up to your lips to have a quick drink.

"Now, give me everything you've got for this last song alright?" You spoke into the mic once you've rehydrated.

"Wait, wait. Don't you guys agree that Y/N is killing it tonight?" Your pianist, Sara, interrupts, the crowd cheering in agreement at her input. "And judging by today's occasion, I think we all owe her a little song." She added, earning a hearty laugh from you as you brought the mic back to your lips.

"You guys don't have to—"

"Happy birthday to you!"

The song was played no matter your protest, Sara leading the crowd as she plays the tune on her keys, the rest of the band following suit.

Your laugh bounced off the walls as you stood there in complete awe. It was a beautiful sight to see, the crowd all singing in unison, lights up in the air as they pour all their heart to the simple yet special song. The song still filling you up with joy and warmth despite having heard it countless of times for the whole day, and the fact that all these people were there for you? It was definitely the icing on the cake.

"Thank you so much you lovely people, y'all are making me emotional. And they say the best way to spend your birthdays is with the people you love and the ones who love you, and they were absolutely right. I'm so blessed to have you guys tonight, because I do love you all very much." You stated fondly the moment they finished with a loud cheer, a hand placed right atop your heart as you feel it grow ten times its size.

"Y/N, we've got another something for you." Sara spoke before you could even get another word out, hand gesturing towards the large screen right behind you.

"Oh god, is this mission make Y/N ugly cry today?" You laughed, turning around just in time too see the tour artwork turning pitch black to then be replaced by a huge countdown.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

The crowd roared in delight as Mr. Niall Horan joined with Lewis Capaldi appeared on screen, large pints of Guinness on hand with their arms around each other as they give you their birthday greeting.

"Happy birthday Y/N! But since we're halfway across the world, we'll be there with you in spirit. Also, Lewis and I decided to celebrate anyway so cheers to you and have an amazing day." Niall chuckled as he lifted his beer up. "I'll make sure to have a good drink for you Y/N! We miss ya and we love ya!" Lewis added with a cheeky grin, and you couldn't help but shake your head at the two with a big smile of your own.

You've worked with them both on a few songs, and both were the funniest yet sweetest gentlemen you've met in the industry, especially when you put the two together.

Both of them emptied their glasses as they bid their goodbyes, Niall's loud laugh echoing throughout the arena when Lewis spilled before they disappeared on screen.

The crowd went even louder once Shawn Mendes' pretty face appeared on it next, sporting his usual bright smile as he gave you his short but sweet greeting. "Happy birthday Y/N! Wishing you all the best in life since you deserve all of it! Can't wait to work with you again soon! Have fun on your birthday honey!"

You shook your head in disbelief. An amused smile was plastered on your face, still unable to fathom that a few years ago you were a huge fan of him. And now you can say you've worked with him, even call him a friend. Funny, how the universe works.

Alessia Cara came up next with a smile, wide and bright, you're heart melting to see one of your greatest and closest friends. She's just a pure and kindhearted soul, a rare beauty. "Hey there you lovely and amazing woman! Happy birthday! I miss hanging out with you a lot but I shall see you soon! Keep conquering the world Y/N! I am so proud of how far you've come and you deserve every bit of success that comes your way. Again happy birthday! Have an amazing one and I love you!" She blew you a sweet kiss and waved you goodbye, tears already brimming in your eyes at all the love and appreciation thrown your way.

Next were Zendaya and Jacob Batalon, who you've grown close with through no other person than Tom. Both were clearly on set sitting on directors' chair in their characters' outfits. Both looked a little tired but they still greeted you with wide smiles nonetheless.

"Happy birthday Y/N!" They screamed in unison. "We wished we could be there with you to celebrate your birthday but you already know how these things go." Z pouted, Jacob copying her as well and you couldn't help but giggle. "But soon when we get a break we will catch up and celebrate your birthday." Jacob added with a knowing grin. "Anyway! Duty calls so enjoy your birthday and have great one! We love you!"

Then friends and family came up on screen, ones who you've missed most having been away from them for so long and that's when you felt your heart ache a little. Happy tears were brimming in your eyes as each of them shared their lovely messages, saying how proud they are for how far you've come. And when those words come from the people who you truly care about, it means the absolute world.

The next person to share their video message didn't help with the tears either, a hushed sob escaping your lips the moment you saw his familiar face.

The crowd behind you screamed at the top of their lungs the moment Thomas Stanley Holland appeared on screen, handsome face sporting that sweet and charming smile as he sat in his trailer wearing his Spider-Man suit.

"Hello darling. My love, I'm so gutted that I'm not there so celebrate your birthday with you. If I could teleport myself by your side right now, I would in a heartbeat, but anyway, happy birthday sweetheart!" Tom exclaimed joyfully, grin all beaming and you couldn't help but miss him even more.

"Oh, where do I start? Well, I can start by saying how proud I am of you, so so proud of the gorgeous, powerful, strong and successful woman that you've grown to become. You've worked so hard to get where you are today and it fills me with so much happiness knowing that you're out there traveling the world and doing what you love the most." The crowd cooed at Tom's sweet words, your heart was already melting at the seams as more tears threaten to spill, and he wasn't even done yet.

"You deserve the whole world if not more with how kindhearted and compassionate you are. And gosh you make me feel so happy and loved. I feel so lucky to have someone like you in my life, I can't even begin to describe to you exactly how much, and if I tried? Then we'd be here for hours on end. And lastly—because I'm being called to set right now, if I wasn't I'd be talking about how amazing you are some more—I am truly, madly and deeply in love with you Y/N. You are my world and I hope I make you feel loved every single day, because you truly deserved to be."

"Tom they're waiting for you."

"Yeah, just one more minute." Tom calls out to someone off shot before his eyes landed back on the camera, staring straight at you through the screen with a guilty smile. Guilty because it pains him that he's not there with you. "I love you dearly, and I miss you so much. I'll make it up to you I promise. Once again, happy birthday to my beautiful girl and I shall see you soo—"

All of a sudden the screen went static, Tom's words being cut off as you heard nothing but white noise. Then everything just went black, the whole arena dark as the night as gasps of surprise and screams of panic echoed throughout its walls.

Tell everyone to stay calm Y/N, we're fixing things up.

Your sound guy spoke in your in-ear. You nodded despite the fact that they probably can't see you due to the darkness. Turning back around to the audience, you spoke into the mic. "I'm sorry guys, just technical difficulties. Just stay in your seats in be calm, the lights should be back on in a minute."

And as if on cue, the crowd screamed as the power turned back on. However, after a few seconds, they turned unusually rowdy, too rowdy for it to be only that reason. Slowly you got the feeling it wasn't only because of that, judging by the volume and power of their cheer, and by a few fans pointing at the stage as if they're seeing something you aren't.

For a split second, you met eyes with Molly who was right by the side of the stage. She had that all-knowing grin on her face as she pointed towards something behind you.

Confused, you turned around, jumping in sheer shock when you were met by a hanging, upside-down person dressed in a red and black Lycra suit, face all covered with a mask making the identity of the person pretty much unknown.

Your heart beat quickened as you stumbled back on your feet at the sight of the person, your brain registering it back to a specific boy—one who you saw on screen minutes ago wearing the exact same outfit—even if there was no confirmation as their face wasn't even shown. Your whole body was trembling from surprise, excitement but also worry that it might not be who you think it is under that mask.

Emotions were all over the place as you stared right at upside-down, masked-face of Spider-Man who held a birthday cupcake in hand.

"No, no, stop, please, is this a prank?" You croaked out, shaking your head as tears started to escape your eyes, question a must because you're having a really hard time believing what you're seeing.

It's been a long day, you just really wanted to make sure that what's happening is real and not just a figment of your imagination. You had to make sure that it wasn't the desperation of you missing your boyfriend painting pictures in your head. Not only that, but to really be sure that it's actually him under that mask.

"Guys! Don't even play! Please don't get my hopes up. That's a stunt double right?" You asked into the mic as you looked at your band and the rest of the crew for answers, who gave you nothing but wide smiles. You just feel like it would be too good to be true, and you really don't want to face disappointment if it wasn't him.

On the other hand, out of all the things they could have done to prank you, why would they choose this? It's a bit cruel to prank someone on their birthday now doesn't it? Especially when it involves playing with their emotions?

Unless, it's not a prank at all and you're getting way too ahead of yourself.

Mr. Spider-Man beckons you over, finger pointing at your hand to which you held the mic. With tears already clouding your vision, you moved closer slowly.

Reaching a close enough proximity, you had one hand over your mouth to silence your whimpers as the other lifted the microphone up to where Spider-Man's mouth is supposed to be. And the moment he spoke, you've lost any sense of control over your emotions or your sanity, his voice just too familiar for it to be someone else's.

"Why don't you take off the mask and find out yourself darling?"

You shook your head at the upside down boy as joyful tears streamed down your face, shaking hands lifting up to hook your fingers on the edge of the mask, pulling it down and removing it fully to reveal the face of the man you love.

"You sneaky bastard." You laughed tearfully, Tom only grinning at you all proud, his face now turning redder as the seconds pass by, being upside-down and all.

"Happy birthday sweetheart." He chuckled, offering you the cupcake, which you took gladly, balancing it with the mic on your hand. You were unable to form any more words as you stared at Tom, still unable to believe that it's actually him, and that he's here, in the flesh.

The crowd started to chant the word "kiss" over and over, making you throw your head back in pure laughter.

"We should do the kiss." Tom wriggled his eyes brows at you, mischievous smirk in play and you couldn't stop your eyes from rolling at your boy. But still, you gave in anyway as you cupped his face softly, your heart skipping a beat at the feeling of his warm skin against your palm.

You brushed the tip of your nose with his with a hum, moving closer until there was no space between you two as you captured his lips in yours, all while trying to manage the whole upside-down situation.

Tom sighed in pure satisfaction to finally feel your lips on his after months of being deprived from it, your touch making him feel like he's floating, which says a lot given the fact that he was already hanging mid-air all while being upside-down.

The kiss didn't last long though, too many prying for you two to cherish the moment. The crowd, on the other hand, cheered in amusement at the extremely cliché but sweet gesture, you and Tom giggling between the kiss at the loud support.

"Okay, I'm actually getting dizzy now." Tom laughed once you pulled away, hand gesturing for you to move just a little bit farther, and when you did, he flipped himself right-side-up with ease. A few guys then rushed on stage to help him with the wires, and once they were off, Tom turned to you with a sweet smile, face coated with wholesome contentment to finally see you in person again.

"You're actually here." You whimpered, fresh tears wetting your cheeks some more once he stood right in front of you.

"Aww darling, come here." Tom cooed with a soft chuckle, arms wrapping around your frame as he held you close to his chest, pressing a sweet kiss on top of your head. You couldn't contain your sobs as you buried your face on the crook of his neck, the smell of his perfume filling you up quickly and it only made your grip around him tighten.

You just miss him so damn much, and to actually have him here on your birthday, to be holding him so close after months, it was making every fiber of your being emotional.

"I haven't missed your birthday, not a single one, ever. Why would I start now?" He whispered against your hair, swaying you from side to side in a comforting manner, a soft sigh coming out of you as you felt your heart grow with even more love for this man.

"I still haven't decided if I hate you or love you for doing this." You giggled with tiny sniffles, pulling away to get a proper look at his handsome face, the face that you'll always be glad to see. Hate because he almost gave you a heart attack and for making you worry about him for being gone for a day, and love because, well, he's here now isn't he?

Tom only shot you a wink. "I'll tell you all about it later." He says, hand reaching down to take the microphone from you.

"Hey everyone, I'm Spider-Man." The crowd roared at that, Tom laughing in pure glee, all proud of his choice of words as he slings his arm over your shoulder and pulled you to his side. "I just want to thank you guys for supporting this amazing woman right here. I've been watching the show from the very start and you guys have been incredible."

Tom turned to look at you lovingly, smile coated with delight and adoration, voice layered with nothing but certainty. "I love this woman a lot, so thank you for making her dreams come true and for making her happy."

With just that, you were able to conjure even more tears as you looked at Tom all adoringly with a small pout. The boy stared at you with just as much love, cooing at your reaction as he gave you a soft kiss on the forehead.

How have you managed to get so lucky?

"Right, I'm done crashing your show so take it away my love." Tom finished as he handed the microphone back to you. Giving you one last warm squeeze and a peck on the lips to match, Tom was then waving goodbye to the audience and disappearing side-stage to watch the rest of the show.

Taking in deep long breaths, you turned to the audience with a laugh. "Okay, wow. Mission Ugly Cry is a success then. I haven't see him in months okay I couldn't help the tears."

"I wasn't expecting that at all as you can probably tell by my reaction. How am I supposed to top that now?" You rubbed your temple in feign worry, the audience cheering you in mere support.

You were still sniffling from all the crying along with your throat being little dry. And you were thankful for waterproof mascara otherwise you would've looked even more horrifying.

"God I'm such a mess, can I have some tissues please?" You asked, looking around the crew for help as you attempted to wipe off the tears with your fingers.

Instead of the staff, Tom ran back out with a box of tissues and a bottle of water in hand, making you shake your head in utter hilarity at how corny he is. You couldn't hold back your laughter when he handed you the box of tissues, pulled a couple pieces and held his fingers under your chin as he wiped your tears for you, all gingerly as if he was retouching your make up. After that, he opened up the water bottle to help you drink, then fixed your hair up jokingly and squeezed your nose playfully right after.

Once he was done with, he gave you a chaste kiss on the cheek, waving one last time at the crowd before returning back to side-stage.

"My new assistant everyone." You joked, keeping your eyes on your boyfriend with a grin you can't seem to wipe off. Tom mirrored your expression as he gave you two thumbs up in support for the last song, and with that you turned back to the crowd with a deep, satisfied sigh.

"Right, let's go out on a high note."

* * *

"Absolutely killed it." Tom praised, engulfing you in a warm embrace the moment you got off stage, a soft thank you coming out of you as you squeezed him back.

On your way back to your dressing room, You kept each other close, his arm slung over your shoulder with yours around his waist as you walked through the hallway.

"I'm not leaving your side by the way. I missed you too damn much and I'm not going to waste any second by being a little far from you." Tom shot you his best puppy dog eyes combined with a cute pout, a sweet giggle escaping your lips that made Tom's heart melt ten times over. "Well, I'm not complaining."

It wasn't that long of a walk from the stage to your dressing room but you had time to kill, so you turned to look at your man with a curios glint in your eyes.

"Tell me how you've managed to pull off this extremely over-the-top surprise? I mean, you could've just showed up in my dressing room and I would've cried just as much." You pointed out. Not that you didn't like what he did, you loved what just happened, every second of it, but you cannot deny that what he did was as extra and cliché as one can be.

Tom shrugged with a chuckle, "I know. But I wanted it to be special, you deserve nothing but. And you've got to admit, dangling upside-down in the middle of the stage during your show, all while dressed as Spider-Man is pretty impressive. Plus, we did the kiss. I'd say it's an amazing birthday surprise."

"It is amazing. I just happen to forget how extra you are sometimes." You teased. "I am, but you love me for it." Tom retorted back with a smirk, causing you to roll your eyes with soft laugh.

"Yeah, I do. Thank you so much bub, you always make my birthdays memorable." You sighed, wrapping both your arms around him with a smile full of gratitude. Tom planted another kiss on your forehead, a bright smile on his lips to match yours as he hummed. "Anything for my angel."

"Now, details Holland."

"Right, managed to pull some strings a a week ago and was able to ask few days off, so the whole conflicting schedule wasn't entirely a lie but it wasn't as serious as I made it out to be. Flew out last night right after the shoot. I couldn't handle just lying to you which is why I didn't respond to any of your messages in case I slip up. I'm sorry about that love."

"And then out of nowhere I thought how awesome it would be to pop up as Spider-Man in the middle of your show and do the famous kiss, so I asked Marvel a favor and thank goodness they let me borrow the suit. Called Molly to tell her about my plan, she helped quite a lot. Arrived here earlier this morning, did a test run with the wires and all that while you were still back at the hotel. Changed into the suit to then wait for the time. Oh! And if you actually looked up from your phone earlier down the hall on your way to your get-together, the whole surprise would've been ruined."

You gasped as you smacked his chest lightly. "That was you! I knew something was up." You felt really played, knowing you could've seen him if you did as much as peek up from your phone. But then again, it would've ruined the whole thing, and you really don't want to change anything that has happened today, so you're glad you didn't.

Tom could only laugh at your reaction, giving your pout a sweet peck before continuing. "The video messages were planned a long, long time ago but we made a few edits at the end of my bit to make it dramatic and here we are now."

And just as he said those last words, both of you now stood in front of the door of your dressing room. If there's one thing you always tend to be surprised about Tom, it's his impeccable timing.

"You are something else Thomas." You gushed, referring to today's escapade and just in general. You really are so lucky to have someone like him in your life, so thoughtful, caring, kind and just all around amazing.

You don't really know what came over you but the moment he opened the door to your dressing room and are your way inside, just knowing that you two were finally alone, you grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him down, crashing your lips on his as you pushed him back against the door, closing it shut in the process.

Tom chuckled lowly at the sudden change in mood, hands taking home on your waist as he relished the taste of your lips, one he's missed so bad.

The thick fabric of his suit was starting to irritate him for he just wants to feel your skin on his fingertips, especially after so long of not having to touch you. It got on Tom's nerves even more when he felt it grow even tighter than it already is.

And when you started to nibble on his bottom lip as your hands inched down his body slowly, Tom groaned, pushing you away gently, just for a little room to breathe. "Darling, it's very uncomfortable, borderline painful when I get hard in this suit, you know that." He grumbled, brown eyes a shade darker as his grip on your waist tightened.

You giggled, recalling all the times you've teased him whenever you came to visit him on set. "Hmm, let's get you out of it and go back to the hotel then."

Tom's bottom lip got caught between his teeth at your suggestion, your insides churning as he looked at you lustfully, a deep rumble erupting from his chest when he said,

"We definitely should. After all, this isn't the only surprise I have in store for you sweetheart."

-:-:-:-:-

Like & Reblog if you enjoyed and let me know what you think! <3

854 notes · View notes

gingus-doon · 4 years

Note

It's ask time! How about thoughts on the Yabusame siblings? ( by the way, I always love hearing your thoughts on this game! they honestly make my day. <3)

i'll talk about them separately first, then together! so i hope you don't mind if this gets a little long (＾ᴗ＾)

(update after writing this– it got quite long LOL so i'm gonna put it under a read more—)

—

first, alice– i think he's great!! himbo extraordinaire, how could ya not like him :'D i've probably ranted about this before (read: in the tags earlier today lol) but i just love how much of a softie he is. it's especially apparent by how hard he tries to come off as this intimidating lone wolf figure lol. it's funny, because with his muscle and prisoner uniform (as well as actually being a murderer lol) he succeeds on that and comes off as untrustworthy despite being just a softhearted fool 😔 he'll be all like "you fools!!! you can't make allies in a death game!" and all that edgelord junk, insult sara brashly and then feel VERY bad about it as soon as she started fake crying. it's so immediately un-intimidating and i love that lmao. and how COWARDLY he is, despite being a pretty big dude. i think he doesn't perceive himself as intimidating, as some of the moments in his ytts events suggest (i'm specifically referring to when he meets mishima and is like Yikes! and then at the end mishima's like "appearances can really be deceiving huh" and alice is like "?!!??" LIKE SJDHDJ I LOVE THAT DYNAMIC FOR THEM, poor them having that issue 😭😭)

i wouldn't consider him one of my favorites but i appreciate him very much <3

—

okay, now reko– REKO'S CHARACTER FALLS INTO ONE OF MY FAVOURITE TROPES!! angry punk woman is always good（⌒▽⌒）but i also love how caring she is, an even better trope than Chaotic Angery™ is Chaotic Angery with a soft spot!!! it's very good of her and mwah i just love her.

i also think it's interesting that this more caring aspect of herself came out after alice's incarceration and that it seems to have been largely hidden from him throughout their lives?? in the flashbacks when they were kids, she seems fairly nice, but alice describes her as cold when they were adults, and he loves her so much that i trust his opinion. i really wonder what's up with that !! i don't know if i'm forgetting something that implied the cause of this harshness towards him but i'd really like to know ;; (i may be forgetting or misremembering some things, the only part of the game i've played recently is chap 3 and never with reko sjdhd)

—

it's also kinda nice how reko seems to outgrow the conventional morality thing she has going on? because she pushes alice away entirely on the basis of his murder, and that murder was very likely justifiable given that it was of the Bastardest Bastard. perhaps if alice told her the circumstances under which it'd happen, she'd understand, but alice condemned himself as harshly as (if not more than) reko so he wouldn't try to reach out to her when she was already pulling away. regardless though, reko seems to hold the general opinion that you can't just like, kill people, even if they're bad! but then she goes apeshit on rio after he kills alice so i appreciate that lol. though i'm a little upset that there's no epic cg of reko trying to whoop his ass :' we were robbed…..

robbery aside tho, i love reko!! she is one of my favourites and i'm sad that she's logical route bc that probably means she's not going to be part of the good ending (assuming there is one and that it's emotional lol)

ok so now i'm gonna talk about both of them together so this is gonna be sad. IT'S SUCH A TRAGEDY THAT THERE WAS NO OPPORTUNITY FOR THEM TO JUST BE SIBLINGS AND GOOF AROUND?? THAT MAKES ME SO SAD, I WANT THOSE INTERACTIONS THE MOST !! 😭😭 i don't know if we're gonna get them in ytts either since there is still that unresolved tension but i hope we get a taste of it! they're just both so dumb and i wanna see em be happy and just have a good time together 😭 also, reko seemed more like the leader of their duo when they were younger and i think that's a nice dynamic! it sounds endearing. reko seems like the one to say "come on bro!! let's go ___!!!!" and alice seems like he'd just listen to her, and then they'd get up to some shenanigans lol. like i could see reko getting them into a barfight HSHHDJSBSJHD. but i could also see her taking him to an abandoned building and just having a heart to heart after exploring like little kids :'D

oof, and, one of the things that hurt me most in the game was the bongos saga? i genuinely thought getting the bongos was gonna have them make up!! but then after the room of lies thing with reko happened, it dawned upon me that the real reko would not be there to receive them– not just the real reko, but a reko who had gotten a little closer to working out her feelings about alice's murder and was kinder than the one alice recalled. IT FUCKING BROKE MY HEART TO SEE HIM REJECTED LIKE THAT… i was just like "i'm not even an alice stan but i'm abt to cry right now." AND THE SHITTY TIMING OF REKO'S ABDUCTION….!! LIKE GRRR NANKIDAI WHY'D YOU DO THAT 😭😭 IT'S GENIUS BUT I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY !

a lot of my feelings on characters and relationships in this game boil down to "i just want them to be happy!!! let them be happy!!" so the way only one or the other can survive makes me sad ;; though, i am interested in seeing how (and if, maybe) saving alice turns out to be the better choice, since it is the emotional one. it probably has more to do with the dolls' relationship to humans than alice himself but still lol. and they did get at least a little reconciliation in the end, so that's nice and good.

sorry this got so long!! thank u for the ask and for ur kind words anon (＾∇＾)

#your turn to die #reko yabusame #alice yabusame #yttd reko #yttd alice #i hope u weren't looking for anything cool like a theory lol #this is just me rambling abt the yabusames 😌😌#kimi ga shine

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ambitionsource · 4 years

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hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

#amarakaran #ask and you shall receive #zay x riley #riley matthews #zay babineaux #aaa supplementaries #love them... i do

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #307

“you lie so much, you believe yourself”

How long has it been since you kissed someone? Like, two years or so. What level are you on Farmville? Never played it. What are you looking forward to in the next year? I hope Covid just withers away, dammit. I truly, truly hope this vaccine is effective. And that people start wearing their GODDAMN masks. Do you use a lot of emoticons? Not really nowadays. Would you ever climb a mountain? No. Even if my legs were capable of handling that, I'd be too afraid of an avalanche. Colons or equal signs for your smiley face’s eyes? Colons. When was the last time you swam in a lake? A looooong time ago. If you could have anything right now, what would you want? It'd be great to chill at Sara's house honestly, I miss that. What’s your relationship status? Single and I think finally starting to truly accept I need to be right now. I wouldn't want to date myself in my current position, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to. When was the last time someone asked you your age? On my birthday when I mentioned in group therapy that I was trying to make it an especially good day about myself. When was the last time you danced? Very, very poorly with Sara years ago lmao. Has anyone ever tried to physically fight you? Someone snatched my arm and yanked me down to look her in the eyes in HS because she was a jealous bitch back then telling lies, but idk if her intention was to actually try to start a physical fight. Are you avoiding someone? No. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What do you have pierced? Just my ears and bottom lip now. :/ I want morrrreeee. I'm forever tilted that so many of my piercings closed when I was hospitalized. What is your favorite dog breed? I find pugs to be very cute, but I do not support their breeding whatsoever so would never buy one. Besides them, I have a definite bias towards beagles. In your honest opinion, what is the scariest sea creature you know? Fucking Christ, giant squids. Terrifying. Do you believe there is just one love for everyone, or…? No. There are way, way, WAY too many people on this planet for that. What natural disaster scares you the most? Tornados. What outrageous career could you see yourself wanting to do? Define an "outrageous" career... but I can't visualize myself doing anything very unordinary. In what way would you want to help change the world? I truly hope I can make some considerable amount of contributions to natural conservation and animal education. When driving down the road looking for an address do you turn the radio low? I don't drive, but I know I would, considering I can't concentrate on driving if the radio is on anyway. What do you think of when you look at the stars? How little I and my problems really are. It gives me perspective. If you could say ONE THING to the president, what would it be? Well, Biden just got into office, so I can't really say yet. We'll see what he does. What Disney princess are you most like? Personality wise, I mean. Uh. I'unno. Maybe Snow White because animals? haha Do you believe in astrology? Not in the slightest. Do you look into people’s eyes when you talk to them? I try to, anyway, but I tend to find it very uncomfortable, and I never know if I'm offering too little or too much. So I have trouble maintaining it, especially with people I don't know. You can have one of the following two things: trust or love. Pick one. Trust. What do you think is the most important thing in this life is? Hm, that's a deep one. Perhaps the understanding that you are just as important as the next person and that we should work as one to make this one life that we know of worthwhile. Make the world better than when you entered it. What is your favorite shade of blue? Pastel blue. I just like pastels in general. When's the last time you bought something just because? I don't buy things "just because." If I actually have money to spend, I use it with motivation behind it. What Ozzy lyric describes you best? WHOA NOW HUNNY you are asking the WRONG person because I can just about name his entire discography so there are waaaay too many song lyrics to dig through and pick one for myself. Probably something from "Dreamer," after a short moment's consideration. When was the last time you went for a walk without a specific destination in mind? Not since Sara and I walked down the path near her house. We didn't plan on when we would turn around to go back. Do you daydream? Only all the time. What was your last daydream about? Ha, thanks to that other question, visiting Sara again. It'd be nice, but yeah, financial limitations and corona. Ever won the lottery? Bitch I wish. What was the most important decision you made that screwed up your life the most? Ugh... I'd say putting all my self-worth, happiness, and source of peace into one person was pretty big but also fucking stupid. What is love really about? Don't ask a romantic this and expect a non-essay, haha. But to keep it as short as possible, it's about mutual care, the desire to grow together, trust, openness, the peace to be vulnerable with the other... It's about a lot. It's such a deep, beautiful feeling. What's the most you ever made in a year? lol Do you have an online diary? Only through surveys, really. What's the biggest pot you've won in poker? I haven't played poker since I was a kiddo, so idr. What Metallica lyric most describes your life? Who wrote this and knows my favorite bands????? Like damn. There's a good handful of the sadder songs I relate to; I did some brief digging through ones I know I relate to, and perhaps the one I feel closest is within "The Unforgiven II": "The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true. If you can understand the me, then I can understand the you." Aaaand now I'm gonna go binge Metallica 'cuz it's been too long, thanks. How many concerts have you been to? Just one. :/ Which one was your favorite? I've only seen Alice Cooper, and it was great. What's the most illegal thing you've done? Pirated stuff, oops. Ever get busted by the cops? What for? No. How many pairs of rollerblades do/did you own? I doubt I have any anymore. Ever wear out a CD? What was it? Ahaha... There is some scratching on my mom's copy of Ozzmosis thanks to me playing it so much on my old CD player. Ever have a tornado in your town? Well my city is pretty damn big, so yes, in some spots. I don't think my immediate proximity has ever seen one, though. If you HAD to pick ONE song to listen to for the rest of your life, and that would be the only song you ever heard, what would it be? I would absolutely need something motivating if that was the case, so most likely "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. That song touches me so deeply and gives me the courage to do what I can to tackle life and try not to waste it. I know, I'm doing a great job at that. Ever heard of Shinedown? Hell yeah; I was actually listening to them in the car earlier. What does your lawn furniture consist of? We have nothing out there. Ever live off of canned soup and ramen noodles for weeks at a time? Er, no. But when I got my tongue pierced, I had to survive off of popsicles and... I somehow forgot the main thing I ate???? How?????? But anyway it was something that didn't involve much or any chewing, either. I actually lost a little bit of weight in that week or so because eating solids was impossible, and I didn't enjoy "eating" liquids either. That piercing (snake eyes, btw) was soooo so cute tho. I really wish it hadn't started to damage my teeth, or else I'd still have it. What musical group/artist do you love, but hide from other people? I used to be kinda embarrassed by artists like Melanie Martinez when you compare her music to my adoration of metal, but at my age now, I don't give a damn. I like what I like and won't hide it. What is the first meal you remember eating? ... Does anyone actually remember this??? What's in your keepsake box/scrapbook? Good God, a lot. I haven't looked in it in a very, very long time though. It brings a usually painful nostalgia. What did you score on your SATs? I don't even remember if I took them. I THINK I took the ACT instead? I don't even know the difference. When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hm. Been a while. It's not like I'm out of the house a lot, especially nowadays with quarantine. What colors is your lava lamp? I wish I had a lava lamp, they're rad and really relaxing. What's the strangest thing you've ever hung on the wall? Nothing, really. Can you name every place you've ever had sex? I mean I can but I'm not going to. What's the most important thing you ever lost and never found again? My favorite childhood cat Charcoal. He was an outdoor and intact male, so it was very normal for him to eventually vanish to rove. Please keep your cats indoors. What forms of birth control have you used? The pill and, uh, having "barriers." How many webpages have you created, and can you still find them all? I made Wetpaint sites for my two RP mobs back in the day, but the site has since been completely revised, so no, they don't exist anymore. I checked outta curiosity I think last year. How many people are in your family portrait? We don't even have a proper family portrait. Ever punched a wall? No. When's the last time you really lost your temper? In some argument with Mom I don't remember. Ever thought you (or a girlfriend) were pregnant, but it was a false alarm? I had massive anxiety over it once, but it was irrational and even I knew that. Not that anxiety cares. If 97 is yes, were you glad or sad? I was very glad when my period came lmao. What was the last conversation you had with someone before they died? When I saw my grandma for the last time, I just let her know that I loved her and that she was so, so strong, and she was. No one could believe how long she warded death off when she finally stopped chemo. What do your drinking glasses look like? We have some more unique cups and mugs, but the majority of them are just plain, slightly angular glasses, some short, some tall. How many bottles/containers are in your medicine cabinet? Oh wow, a lot. We're covered for most potential problems. How many funerals have you been to? Uhhh I think one. Maybe even none, just wakes. What was the last bug you killed and what did you use? An ant, I think? I just used my fingers. How many computers in your household? There are three laptops, but no desktop computers. Ever help to solve a crime? There was one occasion years ago when our neighbor's window was busted overnight and cops came to us to ask for any evidence we might have had, but we didn't have any. Idk what came of it. Ever get pulled over by the cops and get away without a ticket? I've never been pulled over. What was your first legal alcoholic drink? I think it was a margarita, but possibly a daquiri. Ever get published by one of those poetry groups? I fucking wish. I've tried, but to no avail. What's the furthest distance you've moved? Not very far at all. Just to the neighboring town. How many friends from high school/college do you still talk to? Only a few now and then. Girt is the only one I have real conversations with, though. What's the most expensive things your parents ever bought you? Probably the laptop I have right now, but idk. I've never asked how much things they've bought me cost, it seems rude somehow. What's the most expensive thing you've bought? The upcoming revamp of my tattoo. Deposit was $100, and then it's probably going to be another $300-400. I can't afford it all myself; as my birthday gift, Mom is helping me pay for it, but I've got most of it covered thanks to Christmas and birthday money. How many times did you intentionally start to commit suicide? Start to do it? Well, I was trying to run for sharp objects to do it twice, but on each occasion, someone held me back 'cuz they knew I was about to do something rash, so I didn't get very far, thankfully. The only time I fully went through with an attempt was my OD. Ever spent the night in the "loony bin?" How fucking disrespectful to call it that, but whatever. If you put all the instances together, I've been in psych hospitals for around a couple months, maybe more. What is your favorite cover song? Disturbed's cover of "Sound of Silence" is absolutely unbeatable. I'd just about call it a cold hard fact. What's your inspiration? Other's success stories, music, art in general, etc. What's the longest relationship you've been in? Over 3 1/2 years. Did you ever drop out of school? I dropped out of college three times, yikes. Three times is enough; even if I think I want to, I'm never going back. That is just way too much money to keep throwing down the drain, and there's clearly a pattern. Ever raise a child that wasn't your own for more than 3 months? I've never raised a kid period. Strangest medical procedure ever performed on you? Look up what a pilonidal cyst is and know I had one surgically removed. Pretty strange and uncomf. Song that has changed your attitude recently? None, really. What's something that you say a lot to be mean? ... Why would I try to be mean??? Who told you they loved you last? Me mum. Ever had a pet frog? Not technically, no, but as kids, my sister, neighbor, and I saved hundreds, maybe thousands of tadpole eggs from a ditch that was inevitably going to dry out. We transferred them all to a kiddie pool and let them grow naturally, hopping out and into the world whenever they were ready. I wouldn't call them "pets." Your worst enemy? IT'S NO SURPRIIIISE TO MEEEE I AAAAMMM MY OWN WORST ENEMYYYYY Do you believe in karma? No, but I wish it was a thing. What was the last hurtful thing you said to someone? I'm not sure. I certainly try to avoid doing so. Do you love someone enough you'd die for them? There's multiple people. The last song you listened to? I wasn't joking when I said I was gonna go on a Metallica spree, haha. "Of Wolf and Man" is on rn. Your most favorite memory as a kid? Too many, man. If you had the choice to work or not, would you work? Yes. I need something to do that benefits others in one way or another. Ever TRULY wanted to kill someone? I can't say for sure, if I'm being totally transparent. When I found out about Jason's gf after me, I can say with certainty I wanted her dead beyond dead, but I don't know if I wanted to kill her, per se. Just to clarify, no, I don't wish any negativity upon her now. I was certifiably insane before and certainly don't think I am anymore, so... Marvel or DC? I don't care. Do you watch anime subbed or dubbed? Both. I prefer dubbed, BUT only if the voice acting isn't insufferable. I like dubbed just because for me, it's very distracting to have to keep looking down at subtitles. How often do you exercise? I don't... I'm still waiting for Mom to move into her actual room versus the living room couch so I can do WiiFit with some privacy. I'm too uncomfortable to exercise in front of anyone. What is your favorite book series? Warriors will forever have a very special place in my heart. What is your favorite OTP? I will probably ship Rhett and Link for my entire life. Their friendship is truly incredible and so so SOOOOOOO cute. Who is your favorite Harry Potter character? I've never seen the series, actually.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''holier than thou'' by metallica

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vaguely-concerned · 5 years

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Some Alec Ryder Meta

So since I couldn’t find the screenshots of Alec Ryder’s dying ‘thoughts’, I went and got them myself!* And I am uh way closer to crying than I thought I would be, Alec sort of surprised me here. Let’s go!

I was NOT prepared for his literal first thought to be of his children. And notice -- this is not his children being impressive or special or idk ordered/obedient. It’s them being happy and safe and playing and chaotic. I uh did not expect this, frankly.

I’m guessing this is where they used to live when the kids were small! (Would this be before or during their time on the Citadel? The timeline there is so hazy to me haha, I can never quite remember how that works)

Baby Scott on the swing ;______; I wonder if Alec is ‘there’ off screen in this scene, pushing him, since we start off with a shot looking over Scott’s shoulder like that

Can I just say how quietly charmed I am by the fact that in Alec’s memories Ellen isn’t captured when she was ~*young and beautiful*~ or whatever nonsense -- she’s a mature woman, the same age as himself. It feels like there is something sweet and telling in that, like they were partners/equals in his mind. (This also makes me very uncomfortable to think he didn’t ask her/didn’t get her consent at the last moment on her death bed to put her in stasis, after the twins left the room at least; he seems to have respected her so much, if he went against her wishes that’s... such a breach of everything she seems to have meant to him and really should have been addressed more because it would essentially be his big sin as a character. So I choose to believe for now that when the kids left he did one last ‘give it this one last shot and I promise that if I find nothing within a certain time I’ll let you go and grieve like a normal fucking person’ sales pitch, possibly with prepared Science to back him up because they were both kind of weird like that and I think that if anything could have worked that would. ‘But think of the scientific implications tho babe wouldn’t you want to be able to find out how worked?’ ‘...You’ve got me there’)

More confirmation that Ellen had probably come to terms with her death and Alec Really Hadn’t lol. (Ellen might have just been grateful she lost neither of her children to the eezo exposure, actually -- she would have understood intimately how phenomenally lucky they were that both the twins survived and were healthy to boot) If I were to hazard a guess I’d say that Alec probably was in pretty bad need of space therapy even before his wife got ill, she was just his emotional support and he was intelligent and driven enough to hide most of it until that stability came under threat

:( this is upsetting. It doesn’t come across as well without the movement but he’s bowing his head and putting his face in his hands. Either Ellen when she’s really sick or when she uh ‘died’

I’m fairly sure that’s Ellen’s eyes -- and crucially they’re opening again.

Mom and the twins :’) I think it’s pretty clear Alec did that thing some people (especially men) do where they sort of organize all their feelings through their partner -- “Your mother would have been proud of you, of both of you” JESUS CHRIST ALEC JUST TELL YOUR CHILDREN YOU’RE PROUD OF THEM LIKE YOU ACTUALLY MEANT TO SAY, THEY ALREADY KNOW THEIR MOM LOVED THEM FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU ARE THE UNCERTAIN ELEMENT HERE

ETA: actually this might also have something to do with how convinced he seems to be that the kids don’t need him -- that his love and attention and regard doesn’t matter or count, or would even be seen as an imposition (he consistently refers to himself pretty self-deprecatingly in connection to them, their ‘old man’ coming in and messing up their lives, like he considers his absence to probably be the best he can do for them? He certainly devalues his own impact massively, positive or negative). Meanwhile Ellen’s place in all their lives is a clear and uncontested positive so maybe that’s why he goes for her pride and her love like that. Again: who the fuck raised this weird dysfunctional man to be like this and how did he get away with it for so long haha

Alec and adult/at least teenaged twins! a) I suspect going to another galaxy with them to explore might honestly have been his idea of how bonding works, which... well and b) Sara is right behind him, leaning in like she’s listening and interested in what he’s saying and maybe even speaking too, and Scott looks to me like he’s sort of stranded on the side, looking in but not quite able to connect the same way. (This might be coloured by what I know about their respective relationships from the rest of the game, granted)

The same memory as before BUT interestingly --

the camera is turning around, like Alec is trying to get a look at his children’s faces and can’t :) this is fine and not at all illustrative of his entire deal *everything in my heart is on fire*

sOME observations:

- These flashes give you more emotional insight in him than all the unlockable memories put together, and you’ll literally never see most of them unless you’re a freak like me, painstakingly frame by framing your way through it. That... seems like a waste??

- Despite his numerous flaws and shortcomings as a parent and as a person, literally every single thought he has at the end is about his family -- and not only his wife, all of them. There’s no place for his work here at all. That doesn’t absolve him of anything, of course, but it makes me sad that he never found a better way to show it, or to emotionally connect with his children, which he seems to have a real wish to. (”Maybe six hundred years can change a man”) Bioware... Bioware sequel pls don’t leave it like this ;_________;

- He himself does not figure prominently in his memories, and when he does he is faceless and vague -- except for when he is completely alone with his grief and Ellen is gone. I think there is something to be said about the fact that he makes all these huge inspiring speeches about the unknown and exploration... and yet his actual motivation is so firmly rooted in this immense fear of the unknown and of himself, of not knowing who to be without his wife, of not knowing how to go on living, of being alone. I wonder to what degree he knows this himself. (From what I’ve read so far of Mass Effect Initiation he certainly isn’t as idealistic about the whole thing as even the game portrays him, where he’s show to be pretty clear-eyed about the Initiative already -- or maybe he sort of is an idealist, under the fear and the jaded exhaustion. Either he genuinely believes Andromeda will hold answers and that science can achieve the impossible or he’s just too scared to consider any other outcome. Oh Boy tm)

- Ellen’s illness is such a cataclysmic event for him that I really have to assume he was never that stable to begin with. And as we’ve seen: When a Ryder goes off the rails they do so in STYLE and drag thousands of people with them to an uncertain fate haha

- My personal headcanon is that Alec used to be a better dad before Ellen got ill and when the kids were still very young; when all they really needed was to be held and loved and made to feel safe, and then became more and more distant as his work with SAM progressed and the children’s emotional needs grew more complex and demanding. Sara remembers this part of their father better (or clings to it more desperately, depending on your point of view) and is also more like him in general, being driven, competitive and intensely intellectually engaged (no matter how you play her in-game, Sara is always presented as vastly more A Nerd than Scott is -- its own can of worms of course but it’s there in the text). Meanwhile Scott has reached a resigned sort of ‘It’s perfectly plausible my dad would not be able to pick me out from a crowd’ place about it and given up on expecting anything more a long time ago in self defense. I think they’ve both hit on different parts of the truth there lol

(Also Sara and Alec seem to have bonded over making fun of Scott a little bit and considering him the underachiever of the two and like Not Cool guys!!! :( )

- Anyway Alec Ryder is a very interesting and immensely flawed character and killing him off and never meaningfully engaging with him again seems like throwing away a golden opportunity. Sequel where ‘Ghost Riders’ takes on a new meaning when??? I just want the twins to be able to either yell at him or connect to him better, as appropriate to the feelings of the individual player (I totally get why people would want to give their Ryders a chance to straight up hate him)

I think where it really hurts for me is that he clearly has these feelings, the capacity for it. There’s a wealth of affection and... tenderness? reverence, nearly? in these memories. None of his outward hardass needs-everything-to-be-under-control persona. And yet he could find no way to express this or even really meaningfully stay with his own feelings and his children suffered for it. It’s just all so fucking sad

*Courtesy of DanaDuchy’s youtube channel, which is truly one of the marvels of the internet; please check it out if you have any interest at all in Bioware games or indeed RPGs/games in general, there’s SO much content and it’s all neatly organized! If like me you want to listen to all the banter of every game... this channel’s got you covered

#mass effect #mass effect andromeda #meta #alec ryder #is a real SOB but the more I learn about him the more grudging confused affection I have for him lol #this must be what it's like to be the ryder twins #today in the 'I know no one asked for this but my brain won't shut up about it' report lol

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habibialkaysani · 5 years

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Can you explain the Laurel + Nyssa over Sara + Nyssa thing to me? (I haven't finished arrow so that probably doesn't help but still)

hey anon! okay, so firstly, if you haven’t finished arrow, I would strongly recommend not ever finishing it because it is just a cesspool of shitty writing and a lot of wasted potential.

on your question - I should say as a disclaimer, I do actually love them both. I just happen to love lauryssa more and so that is why the majority of my content revolves around them.

I’ll just rehash a bit of the plot so it makes more sense, as I’m not sure how far you got with arrow:

nyssa is introduced in 2x13 of arrow and it’s clear that she is an assassin hellbent on getting her lover back, and that she feels betrayed because sara left her to check on her family and never came back. nyssa ends up being responsible for poisoning laurel (resulting in her hospitalisation) and kidnapping their mum dinah as well. sara then agrees to go back with nyssa to the league, but takes the tibetan pit viper poison herself. nyssa initially fights against quentin and oliver but eventually gives in and releases sara from the league, freeing her. sara is then with oliver for a bit before returning to nyssa on her own, to ask her to help saving starling city. she also agrees to go back to the league.

I think it goes without saying that nyssa’s introduction to the show and her relationship with sara wasn’t exactly healthy. I’m not saying people can’t ship or root for them because I have done both, so it would be hypocritical to say the least. I enjoyed watching their dynamic on screen and they certainly had chemistry. I think the gap between the end of s2 and s3 was when nyssara were at their best. but so much of their relationship happened off screen. so we didn’t get to see them develop and grow - we heard about it, little snatches of what the league was like, how sara was saved, etc. but we don’t get to see it for ourselves. and what we do see on screen isn’t always the most positive or healthy. ultimately I don’t think they were always good for each other or (controversial opinion time) meant for each other.

laurel and nyssa, meanwhile, are super interesting just as a dynamic because while yes, you could just ignore nyssara bc it feels icky to ship nyssa with sara and also laurel (separately ofc), there isn’t really a lauryssa without nyssa first being with sara. laurel gets to know nyssa through their shared grief of sara dying - “I loved her too” and “do you remember the sound of sara’s laugh?” and “I missed your sister - I suppose I wanted something to remind me of her”. initially they are united in their vengeance. but then it becomes this bond that is about more than this person they both love who they miss - because they bring out the best in each other.

they make each other smile. laurel defends her and realises she’s actually a good person who was just raised in a kill or be killed kind of environment. laurel reminds nyssa of the simple pleasures of being human (which I mean 100% innocently lol). nyssa teaches laurel how to fight better. she tries to push laurel away and laurel has none of it because their friendship has been rooted in their shared loss, so she will be damned if nyssa thinks laurel will ever leave her side.

the difference is that nyssa and sara were an actual couple on the show (even tho we got one (1) kiss and like I said none of their actual relationship formation or development on screen) and laurel and nyssa weren’t. I did meet katie cassidy at a meet and greet at a convention years ago. she said that the writers intended to go down that road but then decided not to.

(but in my head they’re together on the canary islands raising two daughters :D)

#me.txt #replies #lauryssa #otp: black and white milkshakes #anonymous #long post for ts

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beanie-bottom · 5 years

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saRA au where all the characters are housemates and live in the same building. Chaos ensues. No one ever sleeps, gin is often found in various closets or on top of places he shouldnt be able to reach. Sou is almost always doing something cryptic or ominous w keiji on his tail bc What if he breAKS SOMETHING- and sara is the Peace keeper which never goes well. What r ur thoughs owo - jouminecraft

*cracks knuckles* lets d o t h is (but under a cut bc l one)

first of all the apartment complex belongs to mishima because to me he honestly seems like a landlord (but the nice kind)

nao is the one who’s lived there the longest, then sou and keiji and after that everyone joined until the newest residents sara and joe

both reko and alice and sara and joe live together (and nao has her own room in mishimas apartment because she’s basically his daughter anyway)

mishima only rents apartments to people who really need one and don’t have much money, and he personally arranges prices with each one, to adjust it to the amount they’re able to spend

for example, nao is a struggling student, gin’s mom a single mom etc.

he’s really nice and all the residents love and adore him (and so should you)

yea so, gin’s mom obviously left his dad (as she should in any good au) and their life isn’t exactly perfect, gin still has nightmares about his dad and while physical scars may have faded the ones left on the soul will take time

but everyone helps them and is there for them so all’s well that ends well

kanna lives with her dad. her parents divorced without any complications, they simply decided it wasn’t working anymore and it would be better to go separate ways than life together and have the kids sense the uneasiness. initially they agreed that the mom would take both kanna and her sister with her,but kanna didn’t want her dad to be all alone so she decided to go with him

both her mom and sister were sad and tried to convince her otherwise but her mind was set. they still regularly meet up tho

nevertheless kanna still misses her sister a lot, that’s probably why she instantly latches onto sou

sou is like ??? when that sweet kid latches onto him and basically follows him around 24/7 and looks up to him and he’s just;;;; constantly scared of fucking up

keiji constantly teases him about ‘his little puppy’ but also encourages him that he’s doing great with her

naos an art student and works part time at a flower shop, reko and alice have their band (bc yesh), aara and joe art first years in uni and work part time at a coffee shop, keiji is uhhh well he SAYS he’s a policeman but-, q-taro is the same as canon, kai is a semi-famous chef and honestly who the fuck even knows what sou does

(as one of those peeps that get paid for intentionally hacking into company’s security to expose weaknesses, but if u honestly think he doesn’t leave a loophole for himself then you are a fool-)

actually both keiji and mishima know what he does for a living but they think it’s fun seeing everyone guessing (it’s one of the nine mysteries of the mishima apartment complex)

actually speaking of keiji and sou, literally EVERYONE, including nao, who’s lived there months BEFORE either sou or had keiji moved in, think the two are dating

are they tho?

who the fudge knows, they sure as hell don’t

(mishima does tho)

gin INSTANTLY latches onto sara bc he accidentally ripped his cat plushie the first time he met her and she instantly repaired it, without hesitation

stuff like that leaves an impression on a boy

and joe producing ice cream out of nowhere does, too

basically everyone is understanding of kanna’s dad’s and gin’s mom’s situation and someone’s always there to babysit them if the need arises

kanna and gin basically establish a greater bond with each other than even sara and joe

except if it comes to whether sara and sou is better bc then:

sometimes they meet up in the hallways and just run through all the floors anyone they know lives on until someone just lets them in

they insist they’re not doing it on purpose, that they’re just bored, but they’re a little TOO satisfied while eating the snacks they get offered

reko and alice had their fair share of problems in the past, but both of them have been trying very hard to rebuild their broken relationship and moving in together has been a good choice for that

alice does everyone’s hair! he always styles it for the band and it’s fun, and he makes the craziest hair styles. kanna and gin are always awed at his creations

reko tried to teach both kanna and gin the piano, but after a while it got obvious that kanna had more of an affinity for it. but gin’s always rooting for her and the first one to listen while she’s practicing

sou has two cats. they’re outdoor cats so for the longest time everyone saw them but didn’t know who they belonged to, until sara finally notices what looks suspiciously like cat hair clinging to sou’s clothes…..

the cats are very friendly and outgoing and whenever someone falls asleep one sou’s couch they immediately cuddle up to them

and with cuddle up i mean lie on your face

no one has the heart to remove them though

since sou has the biggest apartment (seriously, WHERE does he get the money for it? and all that fancy stuff? sara’s going mad not knowing, especially since he’s always at home!! sometimes he doesn’t even get his own groceries, he just sends gin and kanna to get them - telling them they can get themselves sweets ofc, but that’s not the point!!) kai usually invites everyone over for dinner at sou’s at least once or twice. sou always complains why no one ever asks him for permission, but all of them see that he enjoys kai’s food just as much as everyone else so there’s that

joe and sara actually live together because joe didn’t want to burden his family any longer and also wanted to be independent and sara just… went along with it because why not. could be fun. they’re actually pretty good roommates, everyone does their part (most of the time, at least - sara will never let Joe forget that one time she asked him to wash her pantyhose and he didn’t and she had to go out in socks and a skirt during winter)

jsjef ok so I think that’s enough for now bc I don’t want it to be.. heh..to m much.. haha but i still have more ideas, and you can always ask me about this au! (or any of my other aus, honestly)

@jouminecraft

#I hope the wait was worth it bro #Keisou #Sou hiyori #Sara chidouin #Joe tazuna #Keiji shinogi #Kanna kizuchi #Gin ibushi #U know what I'm not gonna add everyone so sjsjs #kimi ga shine #MAC AU #Mali's posts #Answered ask #Omg I just put it through a word counter n #It's 1105 words #Jfc

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