#like i looove romance and consume a lot of it

[itachanta]

Me with most fics and books: I'm just gonna wait till it's completed to start reading it. If not, I'll probably forget to continue it / lose interest.

Me with Trigun Vashmeryl fics: STARTING EVERYTHING I DON'T CARE I WILL RE-READ THEM A MILLION KNIVES TIMES UNTIL THEY ARE COMPLETED *screeching*

[trashlie]

hey, how are you doing? 💗 thanks for the link, that was a great read <3 and as usual, you make such great points! it does seem like yu jing's motivation is to stop yui before she harms any more people. i guess that makes sense, since that would also align (at least partly) with rand's goals. still, yu jing is not the type to sacrifice herself. she must have a way to protect herself somehow. given everything we know about the timeline of the story, we can assume the article won't take yui down completely but it WILL be impactful and yu jing will have to deal with the aftermath. and it's yui we're talking about, so i'm expecting the worst 😶 and yes nol's guilty plea changing her plans is very interesting and i have absolutely no clue why :/ there's so much we don't know about yu jing yet: her history with both the brothers, what rand did to help her, the details of her article… aah i can't wait to learn about all that.

what i also can't quite figure out yet is how alyssa plays into this. so she's exposed and her career is ruined. then what? does yui even need alyssa for something other than to control/torment nol? and helping a "problematic" (but also very talented) girl reach fame is probably the least evil thing yui has done, it happens in the entertainment industry all the time, so exposing that wouldn't do much damage to yui. i wouldn't even be surprised if yui immediately drops alyssa once she has no use for her anymore. but then… what would alyssa's role in the story be? idk it might be just me but i feel like there's still something missing here…

"her insistence on being there" that's the closest to what i had in mind, thank you! and i get what you mean. romance that is grand and untamed and consuming like a forest fire is beautiful in its own right. but for people like nolan and shinae, who have faced so much hardship and turbulence, a love that is soft and steady, that has a healing, illuminating glow feels much more monumental in a way. like a quiet, peaceful, comforting place in the middle of a raging storm. and yes i LOOOVE how they're so well-balanced in their mutual efforts and care and how they're naturally gravitate towards one another. and it's especially obvious when compared to alyssa, who only takes without giving back, or even kousuke, who so often disregards the perspective and needs of the other person. that's why i like re-reading the first half of the formal a lot, those dynamics really come to light <3

"all these little moments that could just as easily remain platonic, except they’re stirring something up" YES!!!! i'm glad we're on the same page on minhyuk and platonic gestures, yay! and btw if you ever write that post about shinae and nol, even though it would be a tangent, i'd actually be curious to know what you think dieter's role in all this is. personally i'm undecided if shinae is genuinely crushing on him because she's drawn to his peaceful, calm, drama-free lol nature and emotional maturity (and hands), or if she's only crushing on him because it's safe to explore the possibility of romance with him and he has reassured her that he genuinely likes her at a time when she was so suspicious about whether her friends even like her (she even questioned minhyuk for a moment 💔) (and the sexy hands might be some kind of projection idk). and if verbal reassurance is part of it, then well, we just had the mutual "you're special to me" confession...

RIGHT i wanted to bring up the girlfriend thing too. shinae has been so adamant about making sure things stay platonic, but now alyssa is basically out of the picture, and the lines she drew are getting blurred, so where does that leave her? tbh i'd be overwhelmed and even a little scared if i was her. everything is happening quite fast! she's been closed off for a long time, she met nol like 3 months ago, took a lot of time to warm up to him, they've established their friendship a couple of weeks ago, they've grown close so quickly, now suddenly there is all this, whatever this is? and i'm probably overanalyzing but i do find it interesting that, in the hospital room, she doesn't hug him back. she doesn't object or push him away either so she obviously doesn't mind, and this sort of inaction (?) does read to me like a physical reflection of what's going on with her internally. the feelings are sprouting, but she can't quite process what's happening, and doesn't know what to do with herself just yet. but she also doesn't dislike this so she is just kind of going with it. then again in the very last panel in 219 we can't see her other arm so maybe she IS embracing him this time. one of quim's little details to keep us wondering i guess 👀

and please i was DYING when shinae blurted out she thinks rand is hot in front of both his sons in front of NOL who is a physical carbon copy of rand except younger and orange like girl… LMAO. (and btw yes on that moment between kou and nol; there are a few rare moments where the brothers almost… get along? it's very refreshing but in a tragic way. like a glimpse into an alternate version of the story where all the toxic conditioning didn't happen 💔)

oh god this got sooo long again i apologize!! i will try to make my future asks more concise. for now, i'm leaving you with this quote i found that makes me think of nol and shinae, i'm sure you'll understand why and appreciate it as well: tumblr. com/slavicafire/714146132919500800 (can't link it properly on anon, hopefully this'll work)

alright. take care!! -lil anon 😼

Lil Anon!!!!!! <3

I was holding off on answer this for a little bit because frankly the last couple weeks were trash and I had noooo energy and didn't want to reply until I could do a good one! I'm glad I held off, though, because there's something I can respond to MUCH BETTER now! Of course, that means this has FP 222 spoilers, so hopefully you've read! (or at least you stop here if you haven't, haha!)

It's funny how a couple weeks ago, we were still trying to piece things together "it probably won't take Yui down completely" "is it worth it for Yujing to risk her career and life?" and episode 222 came in like a wrecking ball, oh my god! I said it in my commentary post, too, but I DID NOT anticipate how much this expose was covering! All along we've talked like this is about Yui and perhaps the Hiraharas in general, but it was largely centered on her. Now, we see it's so much bigger than we'd yet realized, that the nasty, gnarly roots go deeper.

I think it's also so much clearer now why Yujing is going after this story - what it means to her, and her quest for the truth. I imagine by the time she was in university, she already knew what she wanted to do, and was already pursuing that path, but I wonder how much what happened to Manli affected her future career? Or did it already exist before that? The school Sangchul attends that's mentioned in the article about the rampant sexual assault makes me wonder if it's the same school Nol attends, that Kousuke and Yujing attended. If that's the case, then Yujing probably knows of a number of girls she went to school with who were sexually assaulted and nothing came of it. Around half of the reports ended in an incident report when the victims couldn't be contacted or refused to speak about it - doesn't it sound like they were coerced into not speaking about their experiences, whether they were paid off or threatened.

So supposing Yujing went to a school with the elite uppercrust, the wealthy, the influential, the affluent, who committed these heinous acts and got away with it. She went to a school where she watched truth crumble beneath power and influence. Her friend was later in one of those same scary situations and it's very easy to assume that nothing came of it. That she, too, lives with the haunting nightmare of an experience out of control, that left her feeling unsafe. Suddenly it makes sense why Yujing is taking it on, it makes sense why she's willing to risk it all. Because now we see that the stakes are even higher than we thought before. This encompasses so much more than just Yui and the company. This is an attack on the Hiraharas and Kims, specifically, but also an attack on the affluent, those who use their privelege to prey on and hurt others for sport, those who get away with everything, because when it comes down to it, they are above the law. They control things. This is their world.

It's a much more risky expose than we'd really considered before, but it makes sense, why it's so important to her. Yujing is dedicated to digging up the the truth - the real truth, not just media play. She wants to reveal the dark and sinister underbelly of those who have money and influence. She wants to illuminate how many lives have been ruined, how many instances of depraved, deplorable behavior has gone unpunished.

I think this also gives insight into why Nol pleading guilty was such a benefit to her story. It didn't make sense at the time, but now that we are more aware of her angle, it's clearer. Nol is being charged for a crime he didn't commit, but one that Sangchul Kim did - Sangchul Kim whose own relative was removed from his role as CEO due to his own sexual misconduct allegations. She's airing the reality - that Nol was framed/charged for a crime he didn't commit. What did the investigation yield? There must have been one, right? I guess it never came to light because he pled guilty at the hearing? Either way, Nol pleading guilty can easily be seen as someone trying to minimize the damage. He knew that even if he pled innocent there was a likelihood that he'd still be charged as guilty and the sentencing would be worse. Although, maybe he wasn't even thinking of it that way. Maybe he simply just wanted to get away and jail was as good a way to do it. But even that is an angle to work with - that the Hiraharas were so unbearable, were so cruel, he was willing to plead guilty to someone else's crime to get away.

This might be where Alyssa comes into play, but I'm still a little leery of this part, and I'll try to get to that. But Shinae's story also reveals a similar scenario of a cruel act going unpunished. Alyssa walked away without any punishment and I imagine the girls who were part of that were never found out, because Shinae certainly didn't say anything and I'm sure Alyssa didn't, either. We know that I acknowledge Alyssa pushing Shinae was an accident, but the point still reasons that Shinae was being bullied and nothing came of it. Shinae got badly injured and it was just. Swept aside. Those teachers quit their jobs. And it seems very likely that Alyss'as parents paid off the school to keep quiet, to keep her out of trouble.

It's not fair, is it? Even though it was an accident, there was no closure for Shinae. Those girls went on living their lives and for all we know, they may never have even felt bad about it. And it's just yet another case of people with money or influence being able to pay people off, of never atoning for their behavior.

Yujing's story seems to be seeking out truth but also justice. She wants everyone to know how abhorrent they are. She wants to reveal the sinister inner circle of the affluent. Someone on reddit said they'd compared Yui and Gun Kim to Epstein and my god that's exactly what it is, and that's the story Yujing is risking it all for. She wants to air what they have been able to keep quiet.

But here's the thing about Alyssa and the yearbook. As far as we know, Nol has no indication that Yujing is working on this story. When he pled guilty, she mused that she was probably giving him too much credit, which sounds like she hasn't said anything to him about what she's working on. From his perspective, the interview she had with him had to do with his hearing, had to do with clearing his name, or at least offering something for the media besides trying to make him seem like a drug-touting rapist. So why did he give her that yearbook? Why did he steal it?

People suppose that maybe he saw something else in the yearbook but I don't think so? Quimchee is pretty good about how she draws the scenes and he didn't seem to really take notice or anything until he saw that math club photo with Shinae and Alyssa and pieced together their history. He didn't have a chance to go through it further because Shinae tried to take it back, so it feels like it must be about Alyssa. But I just don't get it? What does he stand to gain from taking the yearbook? Some people thought he was going to confront Alyssa but... I really don't think so. Is it possible he knows what Yujing is working on? I just... can't see how he'd know? I know he's perceptive and smart, but has he even seen anything enough to indicate it to her?

Was it more that he hoped that by giving her the yearbook she'd look through it and recognize Alyssa and look into it? Even that seems flimsy at best, so I'm still a little ??? about this. I'm sure there's something I'm missing, or just something that's yet to be revealed but I'm at a loss. Like, Shinae's story certainly plays right into what Yujing is writing about, but is that just a coincidence?

You bring up some really good points about Alyssa, too. It does feel like Yui's only use of her is to torment Nol, and that's not really working anymore now is, it it? He's only with her for their mutual benefit. At this point, if he wanted to end things for good, he could, because would he feel bad if she lost everything when she was no longer connected to him? Nol seems pretty done with her - he does not use light words when he talks about his resentment of how she acts and her admiration of Yui, and he's long-since given up on trying to sway her away. Does a part of him remember when they were really friends and he stays so she can have that? But I've also considered that maybe if he's "dating" Alyssa, she's the main target, the main one Yui tries to use against him? That feels flimsy, though, because Yui watches like a hawk and she is well aware of Shinae's affinity for Nol, and that he shares the same feelings, which is why he tried to keep that distance. But I don't know if staying with Alyssa is really protecting Shinae at all, so the questions remain.

Of course, like I said, I think Alyssa's involvement here may be more about her family, and the dirty hush money they may have paid. In that case, the hush money + Yui creating her career starts to look more questionable. But I think, and this is something that makes me feel sick if I think about too long, I worry there may be some... "sponsorship" involved. I desperately hope it's not the case, but I sometimes think about at the Kim formal when Alyssa danced with that old photographer man, because she needs to schmooze and she needs to appeal to the media. Have there been other scenarios where she's had to... rub elbows... with prominent media figures? Has she been forced into anything heinous as a "payment" for getting her name, her group out there? I REALLY hope not because no matter what Alyssa has done, that's too vile for me. But considering the material Yujing has collected, considering the number of cases of sexual misconduct that's been covered up (that's been ENABLED when you think about it), the idea of Yui taking a girl and pushing her into such disgusting situations doesn't seem at all outside the scope of what we're dealing with.

In an old curiouscat post, quimchee was asked which characters are virgins and which aren't, and for Alyssa she used the 😬 emoji. It just feels... hmmmm. Obviously at the time no one was thinking deeper about this and took it as maybe Alyssa has cheated on Nol but... I can't help but worry that this response is more because we'll see something far darker than people were thinking. I hope I'm wrong! But!

that's why i like re-reading the first half of the formal a lot, those dynamics really come to light <3

Oh my gosh, SAME!!!!! I honestly can't remember when I started feeling shippy feelings towards Nol and Shinae, but I think the formal really played a big role in at least creating that foundation. There was just something about the way Shinae found herself seeking security in him, and how he was able to anticipate her wants and needs when Kousuke was unable to, it was the hospital scene showing the way Shinae thinks of others when Alyssa puts herself first, and the way that quietly impacted Nol. It was just seeing the ways that they just suit each other and somewhere along the way it made me go "oh no" lol when I realized the shippy feelings were starting lol. I know I've said it before so it really doesn't need repeating but they just feature so much of what I enjoy in a good pairing, the way they meet those needs and compliment each other, the way Shinae learned friendship by emulating him and turns it around on him. I would love them regardless if there was never any romance, but I'm also a sucker for a pairing that grows out of friendship like this because in so many ways they are what the other one wants and needs.

But we all know what a sucker I am for parallels, so it was only natural I would start to feel so strongly about them lol, that I would delight in them getting these cute little moments together. You are so right that they both have just been through SO much they deserve so much soft, so much warmth. They've had enough stress and excitement lol they just deserve something healing. Clearly we are nowhere near that unfortunately, but I really hope that in time we'll get to see Shinae - and Dieter and Soushi! - become some kind of safe spaces for Nol. Romance is well and good, but more than anything I want to see Nol accept that they are a safe space for him. I just. I LIKE SEEING THEM HAPPY! I WANT TO SEE THEM COMFORTABLE! I know safe is a long way away for them, but god I want to see pockets of safe space, moments of safe space. I want to see them taking refuge in each other I want to see them becoming that pillar of support to each other! This is so far off tangent lol but I've just been thinking and talking about them so much today, and the development of their relationship, the roadbumps they still face, and I just! Want! Them to find safety and comfort in each other ;~; ROARS

i'd actually be curious to know what you think dieter's role in all this is.

GOD I do think about this a LOT and wonder about it. Like, it's impossible to like two different people at once, so I don't want to discount that it's very possible for her to be attracted to both in different ways, but it's also worth exploring because this is so very new to Shinae. She doesn't really seem to have had any experience with this and while it's easy for her to admit when she finds someone hot - like Rand LMAO - that doesn't mean you LIKE someone, you're ATTRACTED to them.

I think Dieter IS a safe space for her, both because he's such an unproblematic person who is very respectful of her boundaries and because he already likes her. This is something I struggled with a LOT when I was younger - how do you know when you like someone vs when you like that they like you? Shinae is very weak to Dieter's affection for her. The "date" at the amusement park revealed this, with the whole don't look at me like that lol. But I do think Shinae's crush has to do with safety, and why I think they could have been SUCH a wonderful pairing (and look if they date I do look forward to it! I may be a Stalkyoo shipper but I acknowledge the ways that Dieter could be a good relationship for her if that was what she wanted). A funny thing about Dieter and Nol is that both of them make her feel special in different ways, it's just that Dieter is actually more open about it. I think she seeks that comfort and safety because her own life has been so tumultuous and they last thing she wants is a tumultuous relationship. And right, he's been this stable pillar for her when she needs it. Everything about them is so fluffy and cute and warm! That's why I have no issue shipping them as well!

I do wonder where he fits into all of this because LMAO FIRST OFF my poor cinnamon roll is RIGHT THERE LMAO Would he ever have had the guts to dance with her like that? He's so aware of his "inadequacies" when compared to Nol (or rather, Yeonggi) who came off so personable and charming and has this easy chemistry with her, and we know he isn't blind, he's observant as hell and he sees it. Is he sleeping? Or is he awake confirming something he was aware of all along? I used to think that Shinae and Dieter would date first, and that maybe he'd go to school back home in Germany (because he's always homesick it just feels to me like he might do that) but I also didn't expect to see Shinae and Nol dancing around their feelings so soon so I have to rethink everything I thought lol. I thought Shinae might run away from her growing feelings towards Nol, especially because he has a girlfriend, but now she knows a. that relationship isn't really one and b. she is doing the exact opposite she has cleaved on to him.

And right, like you said, the I care about her confession is already out there. I was musing to.... someone... somewhere.... lol I've been talking about this a lot lately, aaahhhh! Here it is! That as much as Shinae is obviously more drawn to Nol now that he's not putting on his Yeonggi front, with all those sharp edges, the Nol he has presented to her unsoftened, I wonder how much of it also stems from what he said to Lil Buddy. Is it that his admission that she means just as much to him as he does to her has stirred something in her? Part of what she was struggling so much with was that lack of closure, and now she knows what was eating her up inside - is that part of why she reacts so shyly to his gaze? Because she knows, because they have shared something so vulnerable with each other, she has literally shared her scar with him!

And in that manner, how does this compare to or differ from how she reacts to Dieter's feelings? I think she is more drawn to Nol, but that could just because of the circumstances. I think, if given a choice, she'd want to pick something safe, but that doesn't mean it's where her heart would lean, right? I don't think Shinae is ready to process what she feels towards Nol, but if Dieter is awake, would there even be an opportunity for that? I've wondered if he would do something dumb, like date her even knowing her unprocessed feelings, but that feels rather dramatic for who he is, doesn't it? That feels like a very typical second lead cliche and I don't think that's the sort of thing quimchee would want to write.

Man, I really SHOULD write that post because I clearly have more to say about it than I thought lmao.

the feelings are sprouting, but she can't quite process what's happening, and doesn't know what to do with herself just yet.

Even before getting 222, I was already thinking that Shinae definitely didn't know how to respond at first. I think... like yes there's a lot of unprocessed feelings happening and this is the closest she's ever been with Nol, physically. I wonder if she'd still be like this if she didn't know that he doesn't have feelings for Alyssa, if she'd still be very caught up in all of this, because I don't think she's acknowledging the feelings at this point. If anything, I think there's more surprise about this, because he's always respected that line she drew. She was the one who tried holding his hands that time. When she tried to feel if he had a fever he batted her hand away. Now, suddenly, he's literally leaning on her. I think, too, it's the circumstances. He was the one who made her get up for the dance, but suddenly he's burying his head against her shoulder - she knows something is wrong, but she can only assume it's a result of his injury. Maybe she's already wondering if he was hiding something, like his pain (because I don't think she realized yet that it was his feelings he's hiding).

But yeah I think it's very much that they're in uncharted territory, it's all so new to her. I would lol really love to be in her head later, whenever she does find herself thinking about this. What IS running through her head? What does she think of her inability to hold his gaze, of the way she's flushing and getting so flustered? Is she going to chalk it up to the intensity? Is she going be able to face it? alfjkakfjkafjaf

I wonder lmao if she'll figure out the resemblance to Rand or not. Like, Idk that scene is eternally funny to me, Rand's carbon copy just there in front of her, spewing his drink all over her alfjkafkjafjkafj LMAO I... I wish we had more scenes between Nol and Kousuke like that but. Kousuke :/ never really allowed them huh lol. I get so sad thinking about what they could have been, had Kousuke not been manipulated, had he not been driven to compete for love and affection. :(

Tumblr did NOT want to show me that link btw and I am SAD! TUMBLR PLS LET PEOPLE SEND ME LINKS PROPERLY EVEN ON ANON I WANT TO SEEEEE ;A; But also haha as always no need to apologize for long messages! I... clearly... am not good at reigning myself in either LMAO but that's fine because I love these discussions!!!! Thank you for always giving me something interesting to think or talk about! <3

Edit to add that @amuraas was able to paste the link for me and ;~; Listen I am not kidding when I say this made me cry. It is so perfect, you are right! That absolutely sums up my own feelings about love lol but especially the love between Nol and Shinae. That he could see in her what she was unable to see herself, and just the same, she stays at his side even in this darkest of times to reflect back to him what he's unable to see past. It's absolutely beautiful! One of the things I talk about a lot re: Stalkyoo is the mirroring, and how they can see in each other what they're unable to see in themselves and god this quote just GETS THAT SO WELL. Love is someone who brings out the best in you, but it's also someone who can see the best when you're unable to and god I want to howl about this foreverrrrrrrr. Thank you for finding and sharing that! And thank you again to @amuraas for tracking it down for me when tumblr refused to!

[meimae]

01/07/21

I'm finally on time for my June Immersion Overview! ...Well, at least in a different timezone I am! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

June was a weird month I suppose. I knew what I wanted to immerse in in terms of listening, but I was so indicisive for reading material. Everything seemed either too hard or too boring, so I just ended up dipping my toes in a variety of stuff until I ended falling back into the stuff I put on hold and have been dilly-dallying with.

It's really not for a lack of media, which makes immersion learning really good for Japanese since there's tons of it to consume all the time, I've just been kind of all over the place, not knowing if I like something enough to continue. Ahh, I miss the days when I could finish entire books and manga series in a month.

Anyway, overview time!

ANIME

Not feeling too good about anime. Maybe I'm not looking into seasonals enough, but I also dislike waiting for new episodes, because the immersion method really requires you to binge media to get better at comprehending the language faster.

HUNTERXHUNTER S2

I'm sorry, but that season was boring. The issues weren't even issues to begin with. I know that there are particularly outstanding arcs in HXH, but I'm not about to skip seasons because every minute counts as immersion.

GREAT PRETENDER

Club pick. I only ended up watching a few episodes. Wasn't really into it. I thought I'd like it because people were really into the animation and art style, but it's kind of meh.

DRAMAS

JDramas saved my entire immersion this month! I know a lot of people feel that the quality falls flat compared to what Korea has been producing, but there really are some gems here that I feel like people keep missing out on because they won't give it a chance.

恋はつづくよどこまでも

Unsubbed rewatch. Okay, I was dumb and included this last month, but I actually watched it very early in June. Anyway, this was 70% romance/drama, 30% medical drama so anything that I missed were mostly related to medical stuff that I wouldn't understand well in English either, so it didn't feel too bad of a watch.

ミス・シャーロック

Excuse me, there's a female Sherlock Holmes? Yes, please! I looove Sherlock Holmes, it's one of my favorite books and characters of all time, and the fact that Japan made a genderbent remake is giving me life. Love that they took inspiration from BBC Sherlock, too, which is one of my most favorite tv adaptations.

The portrayal of fem!Sherlock was very interesting and made perfect sense, really classy and very snooty and almost condencending, but now with realistic female perspective emotions. Ah, so good!

Watson or Wato, however, felt a little flat unfortunately. It did take a good look into the effects of PTSD, and mental health is always good for people to discuss, but it almost seemed that was all that Watson is, which s/he is not. The original Watson is brave and clever in a more human aspect, and would put a lot on the line to help Sherlock, regardless of his physical or mental state. It just didn't translate well, which is unfortunate. I guess the TV Drama Elementary version of Watson was what I was looking for, but it didn't end up that way.

5時から9時まで

Unsubbed rewatch. Kind of a filler drama, and just wanted to watch it to count as active immersion. The three guys in this show are cringe tbh: protag is a guy who can't take no for an answer, friend is a "nice guy" who thinks he's entitled to her because they've been friends for a while, and boss guy thinks it's fine to withhold the truth of him once being married. Female protagonist's personality started okay, but kinda broke down towards the end, and I'm not sure if the ending was to make up for that.

私たちはどうかしている

Uh, hello? New favorite drama! ヽ(^v^)ノ

Between the spicy family drama, beautiful garments and traditional 和菓子屋 in a modern setting, and the electric chemistry between the two main characters, which I'm not gonna lie was kinda toxic too, but for some reason I could not put this down and watched it in two days.

It's a combination of genres I love: "historical" fiction, romance, drama, mystery, and suspense. I'm not even going to discuss it anymore. Just go watch this show!

リコカツ

Interesting concept: two people meet, had a whirlwind wedding with many guests, and almost immediately after decide to divorce, but is too embarrased to admit it to everyone who wished their marriage the best, so they try to work things out while dancing around their feelings even though they are still married. Pretty cute, kind of frustrating at times, but you can't help but root for them anyway.

MOVIES

Why are these movies an 8 on MDL? lmao

君と100回目の恋

Interesting concept that got flushed down the drain in the first 20 minutes. Nobody even explained why the recording can do what it does, and the male protagonist also just gave up on his research just like that. It's implied that he redid things a hundred times, but bro, did you even try as hard as you think you did?

カノジョは嘘を愛しすぎてる

Another one of those standard template romance movies but now with a band as a costume. It's fine, not the greatest.

NOVELS

君の膵臓をたべたい

Finally finished! See stats and 感想 here!

本好きの下剋上 司書になるためには手段を選んでいられません

Was able to wrap up 第一部 兵士の娘I along with the audiobook! Stats and 感想 here!

Also started 第一部 兵士の娘II, but got both distracted and indecisive with my reading material. Also this thing is close to 200k 文字 what the heck. That's a chunky light novel, and if it's going to be like the first one, it's going to talk a lot about the process of making stuff - both interesting and tedious to read about.

三日間の幸福

This is turning out to be another "I Want to Eat Your Pancreas" moment where I just inch forward everytime but never finish, but I'll get there. I'm starting to form an opinion about this protagonist and it's turning out pretty sour, so it's kinda hard to read with that in the back of my mind.

コンビニ人間

Started towards the end of the month, so I haven't actually made a dent in it, but I heard that people in the immersion community usually pick this up as one of their first reads. It's actually really short (60k 文字), so if it's as good as people say, I hope I can sit down and finish it in a few days. Wishful thinking maybe.

VISUAL NOVELS

ファタモルガーナの館

Look man, I'm halfway through this, and between that and the fact that this is an unvoiced 敬語 filled VN which is interesting to read in, makes this really hard to drop even though every door so far has been the standard historical fiction tragedy. And yes, even the "big secret" about the white haired girl is nothing surprising given how heavily hinted it was. Even Morgana's story is what you would expect to happen given the setting and timeline.

Anyway, I'm gonna trudge on because again, it's not like I'm not gaining any language skill from reading this. It's just painfully predictable, which makes it really disappointing coming from a huge historical fiction fan.

白昼夢の青写真

Just trying this out because I'm tired of being held back by unintresting reads, and although the first case feels like it's gonna turn out cringey, I'm keeping my hopes up for the rest. Also, the art for this is really cute?

-☆-

That's it for June!

I also technically read a few chapters of 名探偵コナン, but didn't include it in my overview, because I felt kind of detached from reading it. Like, was I really about to reread something I read (English fan translated) 900+ chapters of for most of my life, well, because I now can read it in Japanese? So I put it on hold only because I don't know if I should reread all of it, because you know, Japanese gains, or just pick up where I left off even though this manga is my childhood favorite and my heart was already crying just rereading the very first case.

Honestly, I didn't know what I was expecting from June. I thought I would have been able to read more, but I just played catchup with some stuff and drowned in the JDrama pit. No regrets though, I ended up loving a lot of my picks this month.

Still hoping to balance out my reading and listening though, as I really feel quite behind with my reading skill. It's just so hard to find something I like so I keep dawdling about. Eh, I'll figure it out.

Thanks for reading! Updates in the future as always.

[life-rewritten]

Hi 👋

Oh, as if my profile picture wasn’t obvious already! 🤣 No, but I really like the DanYok dynamics. I can’t exactly say why: maybe it’s because of the strangers element, or perhaps it’s because I liked Fluke Gawin already a lot in DBK and I’m curious what he’ll bring to the table. I think out of the three ships, DanYok might be the most surprising to see pan out. (Not the fact THAT it’ll happen, but HOW it will come about.) That being said, it’s my toxic trait to heavily root for the most minor, least likely ship in a show, in order to be disappointed afterwards that nothing really happened. 🤡 (Yes, I briefly was a strong WaiKorn shipper. 😳) So I hope I won’t put too much hope into this.

As for which ship I feel the most certain about, that would have to be SeanWhite, mainly because their psychosocial interactions are just so strong. (Ugh, me being wordy again: what I’m trying to say is that they don’t just exchange a lot of words and emotions –by nearly killing each other for example 🥲– but also a lot of feelings and experiences – things that aren’t said out loud, which in the end will make them richer than the other in that they not only “merge” romantic feelings but also standpoints/ ideologies/ visions on life -> which are the things that will hopefully rub off on the audience the most. Which is the main reason why I watch this show i the first place. Not to primarily consume the political aspects of the show, but to see how those aspects are conveyed through the dynamics of story and its characters, which creates a synthesis of the same problems from different povs. How those characters present their own views and experiences, but at the same time “discover” different ways of looking at the world around through this, as does –by extension– the viewer.

And we discussed GramBlack already a bit. I predict (but what do I know lmao 🤷‍♀️) that this ship will be the richest in terms of symbolism and visual aspects. Varying from the Black-White dichotomy ☯️ to the childhood toys and the motorcycle. And even though I’m originally an English lit major, I’m an absolute sucker for imagery (symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile) in books, but in also in television. It shouldn’t be too in the nose, but gosh, it can enrich a storyline so much if they do. And my neurodivergent brain just loooves the details! 😍

I will be on the lookout for more significant details! 🧐

Love,

— Thel. 💚

Hi again :)

I also was a WaiKorn shipper so I get you. I actually think GramBlack is the least likely because there were no hints shown a lot about them. But I think you're allowed to put hope in YokDan because this show isn't just about the realities of activism, it's still a BL/Queer piece, it's going to still target the BL audience and give the couples all growth and a happy ending or open ending. Because Nuchy has made YokDan very different from what they are in the book, I think they will get one too. But I'm always optimistic and tbh the trust I have in this show terrifies me, but here we are.

Yes I agree with SeanWhite, I honestly think they will end up getting more love by the time they switch to full romantic, right now they have to overcome so many obstacles but once they do that passion they have will be just as loud as the other couples. They already act obsessed and lost in each other, it's mostly about them in their perspectives, so yeh we're gonna see more of them and be even more certain of their chemistry and passion which will make the show amp the BL aspects and add the ideologies and activism as well to the center of the narrative when they have to finally defeat Tawi and find out who hurt Black. Everything will merge together, the romance, the message, and the narrative will all join to form a big explosion of feelings. And I can't wait.

As you know by now with me I am also obsessed with imagery, symbolism, metaphors, metonymy, allegory, simile, and literature devices being used in media. So this show has me hooked and obsessed. Like the fact I can write 10,000 words on just the way the characters are written and the purpose and effort put into that is insane but here am I happy that this show proved what I thought it could do. I am very pleased with all the couples of this show and I am stunned at the whole production and team behind it.

Let me know what you think of the YokDan essay then since they're your favorite, I think they're so great and I can't wait to see how they tackle both Sean's hate for cops, and also just Dan letting himself join the gang and trust them. Let me know if you noticed anything else in the show because I love seeing your perspective and hearing from you :)

<3

[manda-kat]

The History of Drakeswing Academy (the story I've had for about a decade and haven't finished) ((this post takes forever and is a result of my late night rambling))

I started it when I was... Gosh, it was before How to Train Your Dragon came out, so I was nine at the oldest. So... You can guess that the story is... Weird. Also, it has a ton of characters and has gone through a lot of changes to fit every phase I was ever in between then and now.

It started when my siblings and I started borrowing dragon books from the library. There was Drakes Comprehensive Compendium of Dragonology, a Practical Guide to Dragons (and the other books in that series) How to Raise and Keep a Dragon, and others that didn't have as memorable names. (Honestly though, if you haven't read those books GO DO IT NOW! Seriously! Call your library! Do it now!)

So we started a game where we would create dragon riding characters and fly around. The game started by only allowing d&d dragon species (which we actually didn't know were from d&d) and I made a girl called Kathleen who rode a silver dragon. No, I don't remember it's name! I went years without giving any of the dragon's personality, despite them being the coolest part of the entire story.

So, we went on and over time we all created more and more characters and hosted the story in a dragon riding school. Fun fact: each of us wanted to have the headmaster, so each of us made one and they'd kind of all just... Exist... With the same job...

This is when I started making 'developed' characters. Like Lindsay. Her father was the dark lord Mortzveir. Yes, that is a name I made up myself when I was ten. No, I don't know how to spell it. No, I never decided on a spelling. What does it mean? Shut up. Despite her father being evil, she is a normal girl living a normal life, just trying to be a good guy. Does her dad being evil tear her up and force her to come to terms with the fact that her own father isn't the man he claimed to be? Why of course not! She sort of just says, "okie-dokie" and nothing about their relationship changes. She LIVES at his evil castle and every day goes to the school that he has sworn to destroy. He never uses her in a plot or scheme. She never has an issue with his evilness.

Then I got into the phase of MELODRAMA!!! My favorite kind of drama! Ralph and Jenna (yes all of their names sound like their from a math textbook! I made them when I was little and I'm too attached to change them!) are in LOOOVE, but I was like, ten, and didn't know how to write romance, so I just kept saying that they'd be married some day. Also, Max and Kathleen are in love. But she's a tsundere. Aside from that, Mortzveir actually starts doing things that are actually evil, like experimenting on his son with dark magic and creating armies of evil dragon people.

And then... This is where any normal consumer would guess that the writer was on crack while working on it, but no. I was just a really weird ten to thirteen year old. This stage lasted a while and let me tell you some notable things that happened in it:

I began to become aware of how weird and cringey some of the characters were. Like a half-dragon called Munchkin. He was a normal, serious character, but his name was Munchkin. To remedy this, I gave him a backstory. His mother was a dragon queen, who died, but not before laying an egg. From that egg hatched not one but TWO babies. One, more humanoid Munchkin and the other, a dragon called Copper, who lives at the beach and is a SURFER!

I gave the characters each superpowers. They were really dumb too. Max could "see the truth" which was just my excuse for getting him to unlock the other character's tragic backstories in a lazy way.

Munchkin was terrorized by a haunted baby doll that was never explained

Mortzveir had a half-dragon assistant called... Vinnie? I think? I am almost certain that Vinnie had a crush on Mortzveir, even though at the time I didn't know that being gay was a thing, so I just made him very 'helpful' to his boss.

Mortzveir got a redemption arc! And then became evil again! And then got redeemed! And then became evil again! And the cycle continued!

I introduced a new character called G. I also didn't know that stoners existed, but that was what he was.

I gave Ralph a pegasus.

I killed Ralph's father in front of him.

I killed Max's father in front of him.

I basically killed everyone just for shock value.

Finally, we get to the meaty stuff! I don't know when this stage started, but I would say I was fourteen when I decided that my original story was... Pretty cringe. So I stared... Developing. Some changes!

Mortzveir has a backstory now! He was taken over by an evil parasite, which would explain his momentary times of being a good person and how he can relapse into evil in such a back and forth way!

Max has serious mental issues because I thought that meant "well-rounded". We also forsee his death.

G is now a half-dragon and quickly becomes my favorite character. He's now the hot, emo, anime boy of my dreams.

Lindsay actually has issues because of her father's past! She has to work through that! Finally!

Jenna... Almost gets development. Like... She doesn't actually get any... But I tried.

Kathleen fades into obscurity, but I still pretend that I care about her. (I didn't)

But then I decide that she is of dwarven descent and i get really invested in her! ... For about two days and then I forget about her again.

And then, about two years ago, I'd say??? I did a complete overhaul, turning it into a more anime feel and actually developing the dragons! Took me long enough!

So now I'm here... Looking at this mess...

I want to do something with it...

But it may need to be completely reworked from the ground up. If Drakeswing Academy never sees the light of day, just remember that it was my biggest fandom for the better part of a decade growing up. So that counts for something.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

merkleymrack replied to your post “kinda a funny shtick of mine that i’m aro and have such strong takes...”

(1)i agree with u 100%, i think love is hyped up so much, partially because people looove the narrative that love can save you in some way. whether that's saving you from evil, from your shitty environment, from mental illness, from sadness, or from yourself. and that is basically bullshit. "love" as a mystical force and chemical attraction between 2 people doesn't and can't do any of that. real relationships forged over time, based on trust and compromise and a fundamen-

2) tally optimistic outlook on life can help you deal with life, but that's not as snappy. and i think this ties in nicely with what you pointed out about love being perceived as isolating (in a positive way almost) by lots of people: it is because they are co-dependent and attracted to this toxic relationship because it feeds the narrative that "love" is all they need to be happy or to be saved. thats my hot take of the day

talk series criticizing Romahnce, every thursday at 6

for real though let me accuse capitalism some more for Not Great Ideas About Romantic Love b/c like!! that’s basically all you’re allowed to look for in terms of reliable companionship and Any kind of close relationship from your peers. b/c the Nuclear Family is the imposed social unit of choice b/c extended families don’t allow for enough isolation / cut-off support networks......you Outgrow the nuclear family you were born into, and then you’d better find your romantic partner asap to start the next generation nuclear family, because you’re not gonna get other support / community anywhere else, better enjoy having friends before everyone righteously pairs off and sees each other way less, because it’s Totally Fine to have all of your time -> energy -> identity -> existence consumed by just your roles as Parent and Spouse

not to mention like, whenever people of any relationship status are super overworked and like, especially with having unreliable / inconsistent schedules that don’t line up and needing to work a thousand hours a week to scrape by, people have less time to spend with each other and to foster those connections when they’re like always At Work or exhausted and recovering from work or, when they Do have some free time, it doesn’t like up with the free time of their friends’..........like hmm too bad there’s not One Person who is super devoted to Just You and can always make time and prioritize You, Alone.......

Life Under Capitalism is dehumanizing and alienates everyone from each other and doesn’t value life and commodifies anything that people might find adds Value To Their Life and like, our grievances and suffering is just Personal Problems that need to be fixed through our Personal Choices, b/c community is strangled off, isolation is pushed, and you need to Have Money or Die, and there’s the idea that the Way Things Are is flawed but ultimately okay and works out for good people............and it all brings it around to like, the idea that actually Finding Romance is *all* that life is about and is the one route to happiness. like, this concept is just casually trotted out in whatever media as blatantly as that, that “what’s even the point of being alive if you don’t find that Special Someone” and everyone just kinda goes “huh, yeah, that’s true...” like, it’s just Fine to accept that life is a hellscape and you’d want to die if it wasn’t for this one nice magical thing (your true love(tm))......like, maybe there’s a problem with that? we shouldn’t all just accept that life is unbearable but romance is the sole cure? and it’s not even really Anti-Capitalist when a holiday movie / any romcom is all like “this career person thinks that Love is for suckers and only making money is good, but then eventually their romantic interest shows them otherwise and they realize that said romance / a dash of Family is actually what Really matters” b/c it’s just like.......hey don’t be upset that you can’t actually Get Ahead under capitalism!! the people who are making more money than you are unhappy, i promise! it’s fine that you aren’t really succeeding Financially, b/c you have Love, so be happy with that and don’t think that there’s any systemic issue here.

anyways and like yeah of course it does probably seem to people like Romance is the only thing that can improve [insert any bad situation about their lives] because what even else is offered to people, seemingly, right......it’s like, first of all i hope you have a good relationship with your Nuclear Family, b/c they’re the only ones who will be Unconditionally There For You......but even if you do, it’s not like those people can be Everything in your life........and re: friends it’s like, well, i hope you’ve made super lasting friendships in high school and/or college, cuz after you enter The Working World good luck making new friendships!!! even if you do you’ll drift apart b/c nobody has time to nurture the relationship!!!! meanwhile of course everyone should be looking for romance, and hey, that will transform your life and enable you to endure all the other miserable everyday shit you go through, b/c the one person who matters cares about you. and they’d better b/c that’s the only really strong mutually supportive “unconditional” relationship you’re guaranteed! clearly!!!

like of course positive relationships of any kind tend to Improve Someone’s Life......of course isolation makes everything worse for anyone......it’s not like a good romantic relationship SHOULDN’T improve stuff for people, but like, no way should it be the case that romance is the ONE THING available and it better fix fuckin Everything or else you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with those problems that Aren’t improved and if you can’t deal with it on your own you’re fucked, cuz it’s romance or nothing!!!! it would be totally convenient to like, be deeply in love asap and have that make everything amazing and hopefully it’s ur life partner so that you don’t have to worry about Struggling On Your Own like..........a romantic relationship is really all that looks to be on the table according to the Life Narrative that’s pushed really hard. and defining that romance as “this person will always be there for you for Anything and you’ll always be there for them and you’ll always be happy as long as you’re With Each Other” is really Something when life under capitalism guarantees no happiness nor for anyone to be there for you or care about you or help you otherwise

like yeah Friends are nice but they’re kind of sold as the nice optional bonus, or like, they’re there for you but you don’t have to be there for them, low maintenance ideally, and if they drift away when you don’t spend time on them or support them then that’s fine as long as you’ve got that romantic partner b/c that’s how romance is so often defined, as being More than any other relationship, like, hey i don’t Need anything else, i don’t Need anyone else, it’s fine if i only have you, for some reason we gotta view relationships as Tiered and know which one’s you’d consider disposable if you put them all through a winner-take-all tournament bracket.......brilliant approach which is totally fine if the agenda is “give people One Good Relationship with One person which must fulfill their existence and fix everything lacking” like ok

i mean there it alll comes back around to going “augh jesus christ” at Isolation packaged as romance where it’s like “[as long as Romance] it’s fine if i die, it’s fine if i don’t have anyone or anything else, it’s fine if we never engage with the world or talk to anyone else again”.......like fuck!!!! this is horrible!!!!!! god!!!!!! Isolation is Bad gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and abuse overlaps sooooo hard with isolation, and you’ve got that deliberately isolating tactic that abusive partners pull that like, you can’t spend time with family and friends, it’s me vs. them, and you should always be prioritizing More Time With Me and be perfectly happy with *Only* our relationship or you don’t *really* love me..........but then this same sort of Concept will be just be touted as Ideal Romance as long as both people are cool with it lol!!! like, i don’t even Want to be around or think about anyone else, this one person is my whole Life And World, other loved ones who????? it’s Just Us now and hopefully forever, #sweet

like it’s pretty Effed Up that people have to feel like there’s only one way to expect someone to ever be at all devoted to them or really care about / understand / support them and that’s through having a Current Great Romantic Relationship, which must and should be *everything*..........like, everything i think abt “this idea about romance seems awful” is about like........romance shouldn’t be this way for even people who currently have that kind of relationship, and it should Always Be Fine to be single, even if you want / hope for a romantic relationship.........i’m keenly aware that snagging a Romantic Relationship seems like the only way to have someone committed to being On Your Side and paying attention to your existence every day. but really of course that shouldn’t be the case......and when a romance IS had, why is it worse to have a grounded view of it like, when people compare it moreso to friendships rather than to being some kind of magical bond which effortlessly yields Everything You Need In Life, so now you don’t have to care about anything or anybody else

sounds mean or Cold or whatever to be like well the way i see it is that “romance is unnecessary” but i mean, first off it is, you don’t Need it and some people don’t want it. but imo it’s not Bad to see it as just like, a sick bonus, a really awesome thing if you want it and it happens, but like, of course life isn’t Worthless or Ruined if someone who Wants a partner is single / becomes single. like, ideally Being Single regardless of whether you want that to be permanent or not should actually be enough on its own for anyone to be happy!! nobody should Need to have a partner to be happy / feel like their life is okay the way it is. like, is it not actually more ~romantic~ or whatever to feel like okay, i would be fine and happy with being single, but i would rather be with this other person because i Want to be, but i don’t Need this relationship to be okay. vs. the whole like i *need* this relationship type “that’s the puppetmaster who cursed my dick” approach where it’s like, god believe me this isn’t my idea but i MUST be with you, i’m miserable without you so i basically have no choice, this is like, the universe holding me at gunpoint. why not have choosing to be with someone just like “yeah i prefer this to Not being with you and i think it improves my life overall” without anyone having to feel like it’s their only option for happiness

anyways i really can’t imagine the concept of like, a Romance just absolutely cutting down all these other aspects of your life b/c you don’t care about / Need that shit anymore being an at-all pleasant or appealing concept versus like, it just being its own positive relationship that enhances everything and Doesn’t become your sole source for so much shit like validation and commitment and intimacy and support / help and companionship and etc etc etc etc etc etc

i’m sure this isn’t the only tangent i forgot to throw in somewhere else but everyone knows my “'teen angst’ is largely comprised of anticapitalist sentiment in the face of the hellscape and cognitive dissonance of adult life under capitalism and YA media deals with this and the struggle to find genuine connection and value in everyday existence" takes, well, it’s kinda wild how it’s basically a requirement for any YA work to have a thread of Romance running central to the whole thing. not like that doesn’t happen in other Genres, and not like some works don’t lean into that way harder than others, and not like every main char Ends Up with the/a love interest at the end, but it’s like, jeez. imo supports my idea that romance is Supposed to be *the* panacea for the ailments of capitalism

[watermelonselfship]

Peach, Sage, Lavender, Magenta, Mint, Cherry, & Navy for Lee ~ rebeccaselfships

thank you @rebeccaselfships !

Peach: Does your f/o prefer books or movies?

Movies! Lee doesn't strike me very much as a bookworm, at least not for leisure. He'd definitely read books on fighting style and strategy as part of his training, but if he wants to have a good time, DEFINITELY movie time!

Sage: What food do you like to eat together?

Lee... Loves Spicy Curry so much, and Blue suffers through it for him. It's a lot more fun when Blue can get his hands on a more mild variant, but he can't resist Lee's bright smile when he asks me to try a bite of his Extra Spicy Death Flavors.

Alternatively, Blue bakes a lot because of his job, so they also share the things that didn't turn out pretty enough to sell, or something new he's trying to learn.

Lavender: What's one word you would use to describe your f/o(s) and why?

Steadfast. Lee doesn't waiver when he knows what he wants, what he needs out of life, and he's always there when you need him. He's such a reliable, sturdy person and keeps his promises no matter the cost. He doesn't give up no matter what and I admire that SOOOOO much.

Magenta: Who likes to cuddle more?

Blue, by a small margin! Not because Lee doesn't like to cuddle, in fact he loves it! But Blue would be clinging to his back at all times if Lee let him, and he lets him a lot!

Mint: Does your f/o prefer sweet or salty foods?

Salty! Though the combination of both sweet and salty is a top winner.

Cherry: What genre does your f/o like to consume in terms of TV and movies? (comedy, romance, horror, etc)

Action movies are a top winner for Lee! He loooves the fight scenes, and sometimes takes inspiration from them, even if they're not exactly realistic.

Navy: Does your f/o like rainy weather or sunny weather more?

Sunny weather for sure, a lot easier to train in!