#like i'll be in a perfectly good mood and then i'm suddenly just sad ):

[little-annie]

All I Want | Ch.1

Steddie Fic | Little_Annie | Ao3

---

It was good.

It was so fucking good.

Yeah, maybe their relationship was a secret. Maybe Uncle Wayne was the only one who knew they were together. Maybe they snuck into closets or empty rooms when they spent evenings with friends, snuck kisses in dark corners or when everyone's attention was focused elsewhere but they were still them. They were Steve and Eddie, Eddie and Steve, together and hopelessly in love. They were together and they had each other. Had each other in every beautifully intimate way possible.

They sang, they kissed, they cuddled, they made love.

They made breakfast, held hands under the table, washed each other's hair and whispered sweet nothings to one another when no one was around.

They were so fucking in love.

Until they weren't

Until the day Eddie woke up and remembered nothing of the last year of his life

Until the day Eddie woke up and remembered nothing of Steve. His Steve. The Steve that held his hand and cried his eyes out waiting for the moment that Eddie would wake up. His Steve that made him laugh and sing, made him feel like the luckiest, most loved man alive. His Steve that he spent evenings and weekends with, cuddled into god awful plaid sheets with whispers of the words 'I love you' falling from their lips.

Until the day Eddie woke up from his coma and had no idea why Steve "The King" "The Hair" Harrington was there with him and why the absolute fuck he kissed him and called him Eds on his return to the land of the living.

Their love was so strong, so powerful, so goddamn beautiful. But was it strong enough?

Steve's heart was so full. Full with everything Eddie. Full with eyes the colour of the earth, full with curls that perfectly wrapped around his fingers, full with a touch that made his soul melt and porcelain skin that blushed the prettiest shade of pink.

But

Steve's heart that was once so full shattered when the words, "Why the fuck are you here?" rasped from Eddie's dry throat.

It was like a bullet to the heart. Like a fucking Demogorgan reached in pulled the beating organ out of his chest and crushed it in its cold undead hands. Steve was suddenly so empty. So scared and so goddamn alone. Again.

"Son," Wayne had breathed calmly behind him, warning but also sadness in his tone, watching the one man his nephew loved so much crumble in front of him, reaching desperately for the hand Eddie wasn't willing to give.

Already verging on hysterics, Steve tried, he tried to take Eddie's hand, to call his name, but nothing less than a bark of an order came from the man he loved, "Get the fuck out of here Harrington!"

He fell back into Wayne in shock and the man continued to calmly speak, "They told us he could have memory loss kid. I'm sorry, but I think it's best that'cha leave. I'll call ya tonight when I know more, 'kay?"

Steve couldn't speak, silent tears running down his face, he gathered his things. Or thing. Everything he'd brought was Eddie's, or theirs. He had his jacket, the letterman jacket he didn't quite care for anymore but Eddie loved, or more loved to tease him in. He thought it'd lighten the mood when Eddie woke up, he thought it'd spark some fun loving banter between them. Everything else he left behind, the books, the blankets, the change of clothes ready for Eddie for when he woke up, his rings, his necklace, his leather bracelet and a journal Steve had written in on the days it felt especially hard to watch the love of his life breath through a machine and remain so terrifyingly still.

On his way out the door, Wayne had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug, ever so quietly mumbling, "A love like yous had just doesn't die kid, it's still in there somewhere. It's still in him."

The words shattered Steve's heart even further. Though he wished they were true, there was no way of actually knowing. It was luck in the first place to find someone as incredible as Eddie to love him. He didn't know if he could get that lucky again.

Steve squeezed a little tighter and turned to leave, standing in the doorway, willing himself the confidence to not turn around

"Wayne," he whispered, not moving his attention from the hall he was now facing, the old man turned, tears in his eyes, looking back at Steve, "everything should be there for today," Steve struggled to speak, tears in his eyes and pain in his throat as he turned and pointed at the pile of belongings next to Eddie's bed, "just maybe… fuck, " he huffed quietly, "I don't think he should read the journal, that might freak him out, maybe hide it for now."

Wayne nodded once in response, moving to squeeze Steve's arm as he quietly spoke, "I love ya son."

And if that didn't break Steve's heart even more.

—

The days had dragged into each other.

Wayne would call each evening when he got home from visiting Eddie; updating Steve on his condition. His mental health never being the topic of improvement unfortunately, but at least Steve knew he was doing better otherwise. His days were filled with worry and dread that he hadn't been able to visit since the morning Eddie woke up. Maybe he'd poke his head in when visiting Max, but it wasn't like he could go visit the guy as Dustin's friend alongside the curly haired pipsqueak because, like mentioned before, Eddie didn't remember the last year of his life.

That included the kids too.

Dustin was just as heartbroken as Steve, but it's not like Steve could show it, not in the way he felt really, he could mourn the loss as a friend but that's it. He and Eddie hadn't told anyone about their relationship, save Wayne, and he wasn't going to make it his business outing Eddie.

Mornings and nights Steve liked to think were the hardest, waking up and falling asleep alone, the absence of Eddie felt the richest then. But that's not to say every other waking minute was less difficult. Fuck, everything was difficult.

Brushing his teeth in the morning because he can picture Eddie behind him and the phantom feeling of a tattooed arm around his waist.

Doing laundry because he can still hear the whispers of Eddie's voice singing some made up song to him

Grocery shopping because he can hear Eddie's laugh and picture him on the end of the cart, weighing it down but with the biggest smile on his face as he throws some type of junk food in with their haul

Working at Family Video because there's no call coming through over his lunch break, no "Well hello there Stevie" or "Hey Baby" or a sing-songed "I love you Steve Harrington," on the other end of the line when he does pick up a call.

There's no Eddie bursting through his front door to tackle him into the couch and pepper him with kisses when he's just gotten home from work.

There's no Eddie pulling him into his arms after a bout of night terrors, pressing kisses to his head with whispered words of praise

There's no Eddie. Not for him anyways.

Some days Steve would join Wayne for supper or breakfast, depending on the man's work schedule.

At least he had Wayne.

At least Wayne cared and loved him.

At least Wayne still had Eddie.

Their time spent together would sometimes be in silence, occasionally accompanied by the local news or hum of the radio. Sometimes Wayne would pull Steve through the door and drag him out to go fishing or to a ball game in the city. Sometimes Steve was too late or too early to meet Wayne, so on those days he'd let himself in and find comfort in Eddie's bed with a book in hand, tears often times blurring the words past the point of recognition, before soon the exhaustion of grief would take over and lull Steve to sleep.

Many times did Wayne come home to find Steve curled up in Eddie's bed, tears staining the pillow in his tight grasp, book still held in hand as he quietly snored against the cotton fabric. It was common enough that Wayne didn't bat an eye, simply covering Steve with a blanket, setting an alarm for the morning in case the kid had to work the next day and shutting off the lights after gently ruffling his hair.

It was hard and lonely and some days debilitating.

Steve sometimes thought if Eddie was dead it'd be easier. He'd have at least loved Steve and would have at least loved him until the end. But everytime that thought occurs he hates himself a little more.

He didn't know what to do, it's not like he could barge into the hospital room and tell Eddie everything. How they fell in love, how the world nearly ended, how Steve carried him through the literal gates of hell and held his hand until the second he woke up.

He couldn't. Could he?

No

But that's not to say Steve didn't try to come up with some type of a plan.

[studyinglogic]

Idiosyncratic thoughts on music IV: the melancholy tinge and the transformation of emotion

One of my friends once commented that most of the songs I enjoyed had a melancholy tinge. That's almost true; I'd rather say that most of the songs I enjoy are melancholic with a hopeful (or at least transformative) ending. These are sad songs, but by the end of the song the sadness is changed into something else.

This tendency perhaps comes from the fact that music for me is almost always functional (with some notable exceptions, like Erik Satie's music), there to do things---mostly to transform emotions, to get into or out of certain moods. This has sometimes led to me worrying that I'm appreciating music wrong, that there must be something that I'm missing. But perhaps this worry is misguided: of course, such an attitude would be reprehensible in the case of my relationships with persons (no person can be reduced to a single emotion), but it's perfectly understandable in the case of listening to music.

So the music I enjoy most is music which transform anxiety and sadness into something different: wry acceptance, irony, joy, happiness, trying, effort, activity, stillness, an affirmation of life. Some examples:

flora cash, A Good Childhood: a childhood may not be great, but one can still look back on it without resentment. "I was always running from my own love . . . I really could've used your company."

Oasis, Stop Crying Your Heart Out: their most sublime song.

AJR: "I'm not dead yet, so I guess I'll be alright" (from Way Less Sad and OK Overture). Examples abound, really. One could include Adventure is Out There, Humpty Dumpty, and Bang.

half·alive: RUNAWAY, What's Wrong, Make of It. "My past is what I make of it . . . like these new shoes, I'll break them in. Old best friends, I'll pray for them; all my friends, I'll pray for them."

Wallows, Do Not Wait: the bleak assessment of life as "most times, humiliating" ultimately changes into a realisation that we don't know what's to come. "Something you'll want to forget" is changed into "something you'll always remember."

Kanzaki Iori, Hated by Life Itself: one simply keeps trying, even if one doesn't know why.

Yorushika, Say It: sadness over the past while realising how one can be positively affected by it.

Even when the sadness isn't changed into something else, I enjoy songs where the sadness is questioned---in other words, when it's just starting to be transformed.

There is an interesting similarity here between "lovely" by Eilish & Khalid and "I am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel. Both ostensibly champion the benefits of self-sufficiency ("Isn't it lovely being alone?" and "A rock feels no pain"). But both also ultimately undercut it: clearly, the songs suggest, it's not lovely being alone ("I hope someday I'll make it out of here") and being a rock is ultimately deadening.

There are exceptions, music I enjoy in which sadness is described and never transformed. I like "These Days" by Jackson Browne (my favourite version is by Nico), which ends with a realistically plaintive cry:

Please don't confront me with my failures; I have not forgotten them.

Music is joy; music is the transformation of emotions. Xunzi argues that the best music is that which leads to self-transformation, to becoming a better person. "Sounds and music enter into people deeply and transform people quickly." I certainly agree there. (One might go further and say, with Ji Kang: otherwise it's decadence. But I don't go that far.)

Even just being able to describe the emotion---just knowing someone else has felt it and sung about it and set it to music---can be a comfort. To adapt a remark from Proust: sadness, at the moment when it is changed into music, loses some part of its power to injure the heart; the transformation itself, even, for an instant, releases suddenly a little joy.

[archiveikemen]

Mashiro Kanade Main Story — Chapter 04 Premium Story

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Late into the night, I looked into the soundproof music room that still had its lights turned on.

Kanade was standing in the middle of the room with his guitar down and had a serious look on his face.

(What is he doing here at this hour?)

As I watched him in silence, he picked up the guitar.

Then he started singing...

(Kanade's singing voice... I want to listen to it!)

This is the first time I'm seeing him perform anything, much less hear his singing.

(However...)

Realising that I was peeking at him, I walked away from the door.

(I shouldn't disturb him.)

But the moment I stepped away, my feet stopped moving on their own.

I turned back towards the music room and looked at the light coming from the room's window.

(... I'm so curious.)

(This is my chance to get to know him a little better.)

(I'll be quiet so I won't disturb him.)

I didn't want Kanade to stop playing halfway through a song.

Trying my best to be as quiet as possible, I opened the door nervously.

MC: ...

At the same time, what filled my ears was the sound of the guitar's melody and Kanade's powerful singing.

(What is this?)

(... This is definitely not just a hobby for him.)

That voice, with its perfect pitch, is a true masterpiece.

It was sharp and clear, unlike the passionate and distant-sounding stuff you usually hear from other singers.

That pure voice went straight into my heart.

(I've never heard a voice like this...)

The song's melody and lyrics, combined with his voice, made my heart flutter.

I'm tearing up.

(I never thought I'd hear such a sad song...)

Standing in front of the slightly ajar door, I held my breathe.

I don't know why, but I suddenly became confident in one thing.

(Kanade definitely knows how I can make my 'dream song'.)

I felt like I had finally found the answer to my problem, my heart felt so relieved.

Before I realised it, Kanade had stopped singing.

And then...——

Kanade: Are you listening without permission?

MC: Ah... I'm so sorry!

I opened the door wider.

I bowed my head to Kanade, tightly gripping the hem of my blouse.

At the same time, I heard a giggle and lifted my head in fear.

Kanade: Well, that's alright... I usually hate such disturbances, but I'm in a good mood tonight.

Kanade: Close the door and come on in.

MC: Y-yes.

I stepped into the music room and closed the door behind me.

Everything was fine until then.

I stood at the door, still in a daze from Kanade's song.

Kanade came closer to me.

MC: Huh?

Kanade's shadow overlapped with mine in front of me.

MC: U-um... wait a minute...!

I got a little flustered at how he suddenly closed the distance between us.

(If I don't do something about this, our faces will touch!)

I immediately looked away.

Kanade reached out his hand which brushed against my blouse… and pushed the door behind me, then giving it a little jerk.

MC: What...?

I stared at his perfectly sculpted face.

Kanade said calmly.

Kanade: Close the door properly or the sounds from this room will escape.

(W-what... all you did was close the door? That scared me for a moment.)

I was imagining some weird things.

My heart was beating so loud and fast, I thought it was going to fly out of my chest.

MC: Sorry.

I apologised nervously.

It felt like the room was getting hotter and my face was burning.

Kanade stared at my face with a strange expression.

(Ah...)

Despite my confusion, I could smell the sweet fragrance I smelt on Kanade back then...

(I really like the smell of Kanade.)

I was admiring Kanade's long, beautiful eyelashes, when he opened his mouth to speak.

Kanade: Hey.

Kanade: Did your soul leave your body? Because that's what you look like right now.

MC: Um...

I realised that Kanade was staring at me, just like I was staring at him.

I turned away to hide my red face.

(I was captivated by Kanade's singing just now and I'm even more captivated by his face.)

(This is so embarrassing.)

Kanade cupped my cheeks with both of his hands and made me look up at him.

MC: ...!

Kanade: Don't stare at the floor while answering.

MC: My soul... was eaten...

I answered awkwardly as my cheeks were cupped in his hands.

Kanade smiled and let go.

Even after Kanade had removed his hands from my cheeks, I could still feel his warmth.

Kanade: I don't care.

Kanade casually said without bothering about me.

I let go of my breath, still in a daze.

Kanade: If that frightened you, I guess it must be because of a past experience.

Kanade's words made me gasp and clutch my hands.

(This isn't the time to be stunned. This is the golden opportunity.)

That thought snapped me back to reality and I asked Kanade the question that had been on my mind.

MC: Kanade, how did you perform a song in such a way that it could win someone's heart immediately?

MC: And... What do you think is your 'dream song'?

Kanade: ...

As I expected, Kanade was a little surprised at the sudden questions.

His long eyelashes fluttered as he blinked in confusion.

But I didn't want to lose my chance, so I asked again...

MC: And also, I... nm...!

Kanade suddenly put his fingers in front of my face,

and pinched my lips together to stop me from talking.

MC: nn nnnn...!

I felt embarrassed from my lips being touched.

My neck and ears are burning.

Kanade burst out laughing when he saw my lips looking like a duck's bill.

Kanade: Calm down.

[imerdwarf]

Love At First Crash

Summary: your car gets taken to the repair shop where you meet the man who will repair it for you.

Prompt:

Pairing: Mechanic!Bucky x Reader

Warnings: flirting, mild angst, idiots in love, happy ending 🥰

Word Count: 2,128 (I AM SO SORRY)

Author's Notes: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club's Drunk Drabbles 💜 my first time writing for mechanic!Bucky, thank you so much @jobean12-blog for checking it and giving me your thoughts 💜

It's been just a few days since you've visited the repair shop and met the owner Bucky Barnes. His charming smile made your tummy feel like you had a swarm of butterflies fluttering around inside.

His tight white tank top was pulled so tightly across his chest that his pecs could be seen. His black jeans that sculptured around his thick thighs to show off those thigh muscles, his mechanical outfit was matched perfectly with his black boots.

Your footsteps echoed off the bare concrete walls and floors as you entered the repair shop back from the back entrance. The metal shutters with a dangling chain link was rolled halfway up and a dozen of motorcycles parked next to the doors.

The distant quiet music from the digital radio did very little to quieten your footsteps. Bucky had heard you and rolled himself out from underneath your car. He smirked up when he saw you approach him.

"Hey there doll." Bucky showed off his perfect pearly whites and that was the same smile that gave you the butterfly feeling.

"Hey Bucky," you smiled back and sheepishly shoved your hands in the front of your pockets. You had originally opted to call him James, but he beefy man insisted on Bucky since his close friends and family called him by that name and James had sounded so foreign to his ears.

Bucky stood up, his biceps flexing under his movements and you couldn't stop the creeping flush. You cleared your throat and looked at your car.

"She's looking good!" Bucky's smile grew wider by how excited and happy you were.

"Yes you are," he muttered under his breath but you heard him say something. Your head snaps towards him and grin.

"What did you just say?" Bucky blushed and now it was his turn to clear his throat and rub the back of his neck, unknowingly with his greasy padded fingertips which left a black streak.

"I said she is, she won't be too long in here actually, a few more days." He wanted to exhale his sigh of relief when you nodded your head and looked back at your car.

"Great, you're the best Bucky!"

Bucky was absolutely beaming from the praise but it wasn't a lie, Bucky really was the best. He was so the best in fact that you found yourself daydreaming about the beefy mechanic days after you visited him at the shop.

You were laying on your couch listening to the birds singing outside and staring up at the white ceiling with your hands resting on your stomach thinking about that gorgeous smile of his. You loved the way his hair was always slicked back into a bun and how his shirt was always grease stained, a sign of a hard working man. You knew he was working hard to get your car back on the road as soon as possible, he kept in touch to let you know how everything was going.

You were falling for him, fast and hard. He was all you could ever think about, he was all you dreamed about and he lived rent free in your head.

Your gut clenches from the thought that realistically, he is probably in a serious long-term relationship with a much more beautiful woman, one that must make him happy because he was always in a good mood and always smiling.

Your chances of ever being with him were really slim, and it was such a bitter pill to swallow. He was just a crush and that is all he would ever be. But it didn't stop you from creating scenarios in your head with him. What your evenings would look like cuddled on the couch watching movies, listening to music or just talking to each other. What kind of food you'd cook him, would he kiss you as a compliment? In your head he does.

You wonder what it would be like to have him underne—

"Y/N!" Wanda's voice suddenly breaks through your thoughts and you blink back to reality. You mumble a response and Wanda finds you laying on the couch staring up to nothing, again, "still daydreaming about your hot boyfriend?" She teases and you scoff, sitting up to glare at her.

"He is not my boyfriend. Never was, never will be." Your face drops when you said it out loud, as though it suddenly dawned on you.

"But you have a crush on him right?" Wanda pushes and you regret ever spilling the beans to her in the first place, of course she is never going to let this go.

"No." You lied.

"Then why does he make you look so sad?" Damn it Wanda, "look, I'm not here to pressure you but my brother is back in town and we are meeting at the bar tonight! He misses you and wants to see you!"

"Bucky misses me?!" You may have zoned out again thinking about Bucky. Wanda rolls her eyes and laughs lightly.

"No! Pietro! But I'm sure Bucky does kiss you... I mean miss you!"

You smiled, great now another thing to add to your scenarios.

"What time?"

"8pm sharp! Don't be late!" She kisses your cheek in a friendly manner before skipping out of your door and leaving you alone with your thoughts. You had a few more hours to lay here and do nothing but think about him.

***

The bar was crowded when you arrived and you headed towards the bar to order a drink when Pietro came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You screeched out when you turned around and saw it was him, pulling him into a tight hug and keeping your hands on his forearms as he kissed your cheeks.

It might have been innocent, but from where Bucky was stood, it seemed like the two of you were an item and his heart dropped into his stomach and his mood turned sour.

He had no idea you were with Pietro, he knew him because he's a well known lawyer with a lot of successful cases under his belt so he couldn't blame you for being with someone with a clean job while he went to work everyday in a greasy repair shop.

He's only met you a dozen times but he doesn't remember you ever smiling that brightly at him when you were in his repair shop.

"You're brooding." Natasha, one of Bucky's oldest friends told him as she sipped her dry red wine. Bucky rolled his eyes and swished his beer around in his hand.

"I'm fine." Bucky scoffed and turned his angle away from Natasha.

"You're in love." Bucky again rolls his eyes and tries to ignore her. He tries to ignore you both, he tries to contain the jealousy that desperately wants to come out and say something about the way you're not even pulling away from Pietro.

"I'm leaving," Bucky tells Natasha, chugging the rest of his beer before slamming the bottle down on a nearby table, he turns to Nat and points a finger in her face, "and don't follow me."

The catch-up with Pietro was nice, it's been a few years since you've seen each other and he was telling you about his new wife when you saw Bucky storm out of the bar over his shoulder. Your eyes widened, never even noticing he was here and oh god, how this must have looked. Your heart sunk when you saw a redhead follow in his direction, that must have been his girlfriend.

Your mood to stay in the bar any longer was diminished and now all you wanted to do was go home and be by yourself.

You excused yourself from Pietro's grip and bid Wanda a quick goodnight before making a quick exit out of the bar and heading straight home.

Your thoughts kept you up the whole night. You couldn't sleep and tossed and turned throughout the cold night. You kept thinking back to the way he stormed out of the bar, if only you had seen him sooner.

Wanda entered your home early the next morning to find you already sitting up at the kitchen table nursing a hot cup of coffee. You looked exhausted and she could tell you haven't slept.

"Hey." She whispers, putting her hand on your shoulder, "are you okay?" You nod your head and sigh, not being in the mood to talk about things right now.

"I'm fine, just tired from last night." It's a lie that Wanda seems to accept for now.

"Barnes called." Wanda sighs and your head snaps up, "your car is ready to be picked up. I'll go and get it for you so you can rest." You feel upset that he couldn't or didn't want to call you but called your emergency contact instead.

"O-kay."

"I'll be back in a bit!" Wanda leaves quickly, jumping into Pietro's car and rehearsing the conversation in her head before she confronted Bucky.

Bucky was wiping his dirty greased up fingertips on the rag he had stuffed in his back pocket when Wanda arrived with Pietro. He saw him drive off shortly after she got out and Bucky refrained from rolling his eyes.

He was probably going home to you. He thought selfishly to himself. He mustered the biggest smile he could but it didn't fool Wanda.

"Wanda."

"Barnes, you called?"

"Yeah, Y/N's car is ready."

"And you couldn't inform her why?" Wanda queried, noting the disappointing look that swam in his eyes.

"I didn't think Pietro would like that."

Wanda bent over and held her stomach as she laughed. Bucky's eyebrows pinched together in confusion, "What's so funny?" He snapped, angry at how this whole thing was completely unfair.

"I'm sorry- it's just- it's just- oh god- Pietro is my brother and he's married." Wanda said between breaths.

This only infuriated Bucky even further, "good for him but I don't need to know how happy they are together!" He needed to chill and calm down. Jealousy was not a good look.

"He isn't married to Y/N. She's single, has a crush on you, maybe even hopelessly in love with you but that's fine if you want to-"

"She's what?" Bucky asks shocked, there's no way a pretty dame like yourself could love him. He's too basic, too plain.

"Why don't you drop me home in Y/N's car and take her car back to her yourself and you'll see what I mean." It was an offer he couldn't refuse. If Wanda wasn't pulling his leg, and you really were single, he needed to get to you before someone else did.

***

It's been well over an hour since Wanda left to pick up your car. In that time, you managed to take a shower to release your tense muscles, take something for the pounding headache and change into an outfit.

You were really excited to get your car back, making a promise with yourself that you'll be a lot more careful this time and try not to get into more car crashes.

You heard the engine in your driveway and you leapt towards the front door with a smile on your face, your smile growing even wider when you saw it wasn't Wanda behind the wheel, but Bucky. You couldn't put your finger on why you were so happy to see him, maybe it was a little hope he didn't hate you after all.

He got out of the car and strolled up towards you with a matching smile on his own face. His hands were in his front pockets and he looked amazing dressed in all black with a black leather jacket.

"Hi!" Your dam almost breaks, you were awake the whole night worrying about what would happen and then he didn't call you himself this morning about your car, it was easy to jump to conclusions, "I'm so happy to see you."

"Doll, I'm sorry I didn't call- my thoughts- well, I mean my feelings got in the way and I let my jealousy shine brighter than the sun." He chuckled shyly.

"Please you don't need to explain, it's me who owes you an explanation. You see, Pietro and I are—"

"No need doll. Wanda told me everything. It's a pretty warm day, Steve is covering for me back at the shop and I wondered if you'd like to head down to the beach with me?"

You grinned and looked down to your feet before looking into his eyes again, "I can make a picnic?"

"Sounds like a date!"

"A date it is."

Taglist: @smokeybluebrooke-lyn @pinkdiamond1016 @whatrambles @bestofbucky

[allegra-writes]

"Bad Together"

Part I: Contact

Peter Parker x Reader

Teen and up

Warnings: language, UST.

"Baby, I'm preying on you tonight

Hunt you down, eat you alive

Just like animals"

Animals - Maroon 5

“Hey kid! Rough night? You look like shit…” 

You sighed, turning away from your door to face your neighbour. Had it been anyone else, you would just have given them the finger and gotten inside your apartment. But not her. Not when she could have information for you.

“Gee, thanks Jess! You do know how to sweet talk a girl.” 

The seemingly -deceptively- fragile brunette’s eyeroll could have rivaled your own signature one, as she kicked away from the wall and crossed the hallway in your direction.

“As if sweet talking would work on you…”

Despite your exhaustion and bad mood, you managed to munster a small sad smile as your mind wandered unbidden to another time, to what felt like another life. 

And to a boy with warm brown eyes and even warmer skin. 

"You'd be surprised…"

Jessica raised a questioning eyebrow, but you just shook your head.

"I have your payment, if that's what you're looking for…"

You said, changing the subject. Her face fell, causing your heart to drop to your stomach. You knew that look. The regret in her green eyes, the pity. You knew what she was going to say even before she opened her mouth. It wasn't really surprising after all: fourteen months without any clues, without any new developments or witnesses? She wanted to drop the case.

"Listen, kid-" 

"No" you cut her off, your voice breaking no arguments, "whatever you're going to say, I won't accept it. I pay you, and you keep on looking for my sister. That's how this works. Let's not fuck this beautiful friendship of ours up." 

You added, only partly sarcastic. You were perfectly aware that, as closed off and damaged as you both were, you were probably the closest thing to a friend either of you had. 

And, for her part, Jessica knew that, if she didn't do the dirty work for you, you would be the one crawling up vents and climbing up balconies, sliding your way into seedy bars and even seedier alleys. You were stubborn like that. And truth be told, she had grown a little protective of you.

She pursed her lips, the wheels turning inside her head. 

"Well then," she finally proposed, "What about you pay me when I actually find something worth paying for?"

It took your drowsy brain a moment to process her words. You were ashamed of the moisture that found its way to your eyes, the knot in your throat that didn't allow you to let out anything more than a weak "Jessica" as a reply. But you were too worn out to be able to keep the emotions at bay. It had been too long since anyone had shown you that type of kindness, gratefulness was not something you were used to feeling. 

"I'm not giving up on the case," she promised, "but I'm not taking your money anymore. At least not until I deserve it."

She was telling the truth, you knew her enough to be able to tell that. If anything, she was going to work even harder to try and get the investigation moving.

"Thank you." 

You really meant it.

"Don't mention it” she shrugged, downplaying it, like every good deed she made. "Now get inside and get some sleep. You look dead." 

You did roll your eyes at that, missing her affectionate smirk as you disappeared through the door, muttering a laconic. "Yes, mom."

The darkness and quiet that greeted you inside your apartment felt like a soothing balm to your over stimulated mind, a much needed respite after your long, adrenaline filled evening. That was why you didn't even bother to turn the lights on as you let your backpack fall anywhere on the tile floor, stepping out of your sneakers and pulling your shirt over your head. 

The cold early morning breeze sent goosebumps along your skin, bringing your attention to the open window. 

You froze. You were always very careful not to let any windows open, Hell's Kitchen was a tough neighbourhood for a spoiled cat like your Selina to be out and about. 

A flash of movement at the corner of your eye was all you needed before your senses went haywire again, instinct kicking in as you jumped high in the air to twirl and land a kick to the back of whoever was in your apartment. But the intruder was expecting it, dodging just in time and turning around to block your punch. Getting a hold of your wrist, the dark figure twisted and pulled you forwards until you fell, back flushed against his chest as he wrapped his arms around yours in a vice-like grip, effectively immobilizing you.

"Easy there, Smokey." A way too familiar voice breathed against your ear, "you're going to hurt yourself." 

You stopped struggling against his grasp. Right. Of course it was him.

"Peter?"

His grip grew tighter for a moment, before letting go.

"Hello, Y/N."

Just like that, it all came back to you: The memories you had tried to repress, the feelings you had tried so hard to bury, washing over you like a flood, a tsunami hitting you hard enough to knock the breath out of your lungs once again. As you took an unsteady step away from him, you prayed that Peter hadn't noticed. 

"What are you doing here?"

"Nice place," Peter ignored your question, choosing to casually pace your living room instead. "Bit of a downgrade from the upper west side, though…"

"Fine," you scoffed, turning to him, "you wanna do small talk? Let's do small talk: what’s with the edgelord look?" You pointed at his tar-black suit. 

"Biotech," the suit retracted from his face and head, reminding you of the nanobots suit he used to wear before Dr. Octopus destroyed it. "Do you like it?" 

You shrugged,

"Stark industries?"

He shook his head. 

"Horizon Lab."

Well, that was interesting. You knew the little, independent company owned by one of his ex-girlfriends had helped him manufacture a couple of special suits developed from his very own webs, after his emancipation from the Starks. But you had no idea they had reached such level of refinement, and you had a feeling neither did Fury. 

"You like it?"

"You look… taller," You noted. That wasn't the only difference; his hair was longer, wilder, his shoulders wider, his arms far bigger than you recalled.

"You look exactly the same," he countered, as open as he had always been. "Just as beautiful as I remembered…"

You sighed, tiredly. You didn't have the energy for that — for his charm, his candidness. What was more, you weren't prepared at all. 

No, you weren't prepared for this Peter. Your Peter. Not after what all that Fury had told you…

"What do you want, Peter?"

He leveled you with a look, his whole demeanor changing in the blink of an eye. 

"I could ask you the exact same thing…"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on, Y/N. Don't play dumb with me, it doesn't suit you." His sudden bluntness surprised you, but it was more along the lines of what Fury had warned you to expect so it didn't completely manage to throw you off. 

You crossed your arms, "I have no idea what you're talking about." 

"Really, now?" Peter took a step forward, towering over you. "You don't? Hanging out at my spots, patrolling my neighbourhood, taking down my thugs?" He enumerated.

"Your thugs?"

"The kingpin is mine," he growled.

"Since when?"

"You fucking know since when!" You tried to hide your flinch at his rising tone, but he must have noticed because a moment later, he was closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, visibly trying to get a hold of himself. 

"I thought Queens was your neighbourhood…" You spoke, trying to diffuse the tension after a couple beats had passed without him moving.

"Yeah, well," he shrugged, opening his eyes, "I relocated."

"So did I…" 

"You did," he smiled. And just like that, he was back at being your Peter. "And you mean to tell me all of this." He pressed a button in his wrist, "isn't to get my attention?" 

A hologram version of Jade's video started to play in front of your impassive eyes. And you might have thought your carefully constructed mask of indifference gave away nothing, but Peter could see right through it. You didn't seem surprised to see the video and that alone was enough proof for him to confirm his theory. 

"Please, Smokey, security footage?" He smirked, "this isn't like you. You aren't this sloppy."

Another click and the video was gone.

"Well, this might come as a surprise to you, but everything isn't always about you." 

"Then what's going on?"

"None of your fucking business!"

Before you could react, the floor disappeared from under your feet, and your back hitted the wall with enough force to rattle the windows. 

"Like hell it isn't," Peter hissed, his weight pinning you upright. "Now tell me, what the fuck did you get yourself into this time?"

As you stared into his stormy eyes, heart racing inside your chest, unsure if the adrenaline coursing through your veins was because of the obvious threat in front of you, or for another reason entirely, you wondered exactly the same. 

Your tongue came out to moist your lips, Peter's dark pupils following the movement.

"It's been over a year," you breathed out, all the fight leaving you. It was too much, his sweet breath fanning over your face, every inch of his hard body pressed up against yours, overpowering you, the slick texture of his new suit against your bare chest… it was intoxicating. You had overestimated yourself. "Why do you even care?"

"I will always care about you," he confessed softly, just as affected by the closeness as you. "I will always want you…"

You closed your eyes, trying to get your erratic heart under control.

"Maybe I don't want you anymore, Peter." 

He pushed you harder against the wall, his forearm against your collarbone to prevent you from moving. 

"Don't do that," he whispered, lips ghosting over yours. "Don't torture me."

"Peter…"

BAM.

You fell to your knees, hard, Peter's body suddenly no longer supporting your weight. 

"Touch her again, and I'll kill you!"

"J-Jess?" 

"Hey, kid. You alright?" Your neighbour barely even spared you a glance over her shoulder as she placed herself between you and a newly irate looking Peter, slowly getting up from the rumble of splinters of wood and shards of glass that used to be your coffee table.

"What are you doing here?" You asked in confusion.

"I heard a noise," she deadpanned, eyes never leaving the dark cladded vigilante. But to your surprise Peter merely raised his hands in surrender, the bulk of his rage vanishing the moment he understood the woman in front of him was only trying to protect you. 

"This isn't what it looks like…" He tried to explain, but Jessica would have none of it.

"Yeah, sure" she scoffed. "Big guy, totally dressed, pinning a half naked girl to the wall in the dark... totally not rapey."

Peter flinched. She was right, he wouldn't believe himself either. 

"Listen, you're Jessica Jones, right?" Recognizing the woman in front of him, suddenly your choice in real state made a lot more sense. "I am- I was," he quickly corrected himself, "Peter Parker. Your friend, Matt Murdock, he knows me… look, I'm not- I'm not a bad guy." 

Even to his ears, he sounded unconvincing.

"Really?" Jess pointed at his black costume, "Cause you definitely look like a bad guy." 

"I… Y/n, help me out here," he threw you a pleading look but Jess moved to the side, blocking you from view.

"Hey, fuckface!" She snapped, drawing Peter's attention back to her, "the only reason I'm not kicking your ass right now is because of Matt. But if I ever see you next to Y/N ever again, I'll break every single bone of your body. Twice. Now get the fuck out of here, before I run out of fucking patience."

"Y/N?"

You sighed, getting up. Away from him, and with Jess there as a boofer between the both of you, you were no longer under the influence and could clearly see exactly how fucked up the situation was.

"I think you should leave, Peter." 

There was a flash of hurt in his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by a mask of indolence as he squared his jaw and turned away, letting the bio-suit close over his head again.

"I looked for her too, you know?" He admitted, before making his exit through the same window he had come in from.

You had no time to dwell on his words or anything of what had just happened, before Jess was on your face. 

"That was Peter? Your sister's boyfriend, the one you told me I didn't need to investigate?"

You resisted the urge to shrink under her look,

"Yeah…"

"You told me he was harmless. That did not look harmless!"

You couldn't really argue with that, so you didn't. Instead you gestured at her to be quiet, as you reached past her to pick up your phone, your landline phone, the one you had never bothered connecting. 

The one you knew was bugged.

With voice as clear and steady as you were able to manage, you spoke into the mic,

"Contact made. Awaiting further instructions." 

To be continued...

[jaedreaminn]

I'll wait for you to like me

Pairings: Mark x Reader «past» Jeno x reader.

Characters: Mark, Jeno, Donghyuck (Haechan), Ten «hinted» Jisung, Chenle, Jaemin.

Theme: fluff, confusion, angst(but not really), open ending, happy, playful.

Word count: 1.6k

~~~

Mark knew he was the wallflower among his brothers. While his brothers played with people's hearts he studied. While his brothers fooled around he worked hard. While his brothers stole people's hearts to only break them he broke hearts through rejections.

He never messed around, always had good grades and his only friend was his half brother Donghyuck but not by choice, the youger just latched himself onto Mark the first time Mark spoke.

Mark liked his reputation of the heartless and cold brother. He liked being the most mysterious among his brothers. He liked keeping to himself. He liked his personal space. He looed music. He like how he was very sure of what he liked. And he knew for sure that he liked you.

But you liked Jeno....

So he kept his distance and watched from the side lines. He watched how Jeno tried to gain your trust and felt a pang in his heart when you trusted the boy. He watched how you agreed to dating Jeno and he watched how you slowly fell in love with his brother. His gut twisting in longing and jealousy.

He watched sadly the day Jeno broke your heart. And never in his life did he want to punch someone so bad, let alone the person he wanted to punch being his own brother but yet he didn't because he watched how Jeno loved you back but the moment things got a bit to real for his liking he spiralled and hurt you in the process.

He watched how Jeno would look at you so fondly and after you broke up he would secretly stare at you longingly when no one was watching. How he would constantly deny his feelings for you because his friends thought that it was uncool. How he said awful things about you to his awful friends that led him astray. He hated that he had to watch Jeno lose himself.

...

"You're the only other person here?" You had startled him one day as you leaned over his desk in the news room.

He blinked once to make sure he wasn't hallucinating before nodding, "Yes I run the school news paper"

You tilted you head to the side face scrunching cutely in confusion.

"I get the work done and quite perfectly at that so the school allows me to run it alone." Mark explained and felt lighthead when you smiled at him.

"Why are you here" he blurted out coldly before you could notice the change in his face from how much blood was travelling to it.

"Well I'm going to run the newspaper with you." You casually said. Cultural shock. That's what he went through that day.

And so before he knew it, it became a new norm to spend his afternoons with you in that small cramped up room with two desks and a printer.

And for once he wasn't just watching you, he was talking to you, laughing with you, working with you and getting into petty arguments with you which would just end with Mark being all red and flustered and you giggling away. And suddenly he knew he liked you even more. And maybe he wasn't the only one that knew that little fact. And that was a problem.

It happened on one of the monthly Sunday morning family breakfasts when Mr.Lee kept picking at Tens choice for the next step in the family business which included his lover so Ten, much to Mark's dismay changed the topic, "So Mark I heard you've been having fun at school these days?" His second eldest brother teased, wiggling his brows.

Mr. Lee's cocked an eyebrow at that piece of information but Mark simply hummed and got back to eating, enjoying his peace.

But when your brother's with Lee Donhyuck peace didn't come easy.

"Oh yes he has" the boy said and Mark looked at him confused, "He's been enjoying his time with y/n working for the school newspaper together"

Mark cursed in his head, side eyeing Jeno who seemed to freeze at your name expression cold.

"Yes it's nice to have company" Mark mumbled as the topic changed yet again to something about the trouble Haechans been causing.

...

Mark watched how Jeno distanced himself from him and how his brother who was usually sweet eye smiles and mischievous laughs was now curt nodds and cold eyes.

The one thing he knew he hated was fighting with his brothers. And even though him and Jeno weren't really fighting they weren't talking to eachother either.

His mood changed drastically, sullen at the change in attitude from his younger brother but he doubts anybody would have noticed.

That's why he was shocked when you placed a cup of boba milk tea on his desk saying "because you were sad and needed cheering up" before scrunching your nose cutely and adding "and because you're the only weirdo that doesn't like coffee"

And he looked at you in awe, mouth sliglty agape and you chuckled leaning down and closing it for him as he startled at the contact recalling behind a bit.

"So Markie boy what's got you so worried" you asked sitting yourself down on his desk as he flushed over the nickname.

"My brother" he said hesitantly and saw your face harden, he knew you knew of his relation to your ex but you guys never spoke about it.

"What happened" you still asked him, expression neutral.

"Just a little confusing times between us so there's a cold war going on" he said with a defeated sigh and your lips curved downwards.

"I've see how close you are to your brothers' and how much you care for them" you said and Mark was surprised you knew that, "Whatever it is it's going to pass. After all you guys are the infamous Lee brother's. A family of old money where the brothers dont hate eachother" you joked without knowing how true and rare that was and how much he cherished that fact. Especially since all his father wanted them to do was to get 'ambitious' and steal the buisness back from Ten.

So Mark had decided that very day to confront Jeno after school, waiting patiently at his brothers car.

"You're here to talk I'm guessing?" Jeno voice called out and Mark turned around to see him walking towards the car with a friend's Mark didn't recognise, a really tall boy with pink hair, a short one with orange hair and one Jenos height with blond hair and a blue fringe.

Jeno waved goodbye to the boys as he seperated ways from them and approached Mark.

"Who are they?" Mark couldn't help but ask.

"They're from the dance team." Jeno replied not looking at his brother at all.

"You've been avoiding me" Mark accused angry that the boy coildnt even look at him now and Jeno nodded, "You're right"

"Why" Mark asked with a frown.

"Well..."

"It's because of y/n isn't it?" Mark cut Jeno off, "If your uncomfortable with me working on the newspaper with y/n then I can-"

"Can what?" Jeno laughed catching Mark off guard, "Can quit? And then what let the newspaper die with you? I actually enjoy reading those." Jeno smiled at Mark who just stood there dumbfounded.

"Look I was being petty, I broke up with y/n ages ago. If you have feelings for y/n then go for it, I shouldn't hold you back" Jeno said with a sad smile.

"But don't you like..."

"I do. But I was dumb and now I'm too late so go shoot your shot" Jeno said with a pat on Marks back and smiled sadly as he watched his brother run off to meet you. Maybe he'll get over you if dating you makes his quite and overworking brother happy and atleast a little carefree.

"Y/N!" Mark called out as he ran towards you, starteling you.

"Go out with me" he blurted as soon as he was infront of you and your eyes widened but a frown made its way to your face soon after.

"Is this some joke?" You asked angrily and Mark seemed genuinely confused.

"Look I thought you were nice but now you're trying to pull the same stunt Jeno did?" You yelled and Mark looked taken back.

"W-what no. I would never!" he replied immediately.

"I want to believe that's true but it probably isn't" you said as your eyes slowly started to glisten. "Is this funny to you Mark?"

"What? No! No y/n I really like you, have liked you way before Jeno did I swear this isn't a game" he said quickly, holding onto your hand in hopes of conveying his sincerity. But it only made you more doubtful.

"Even if it was true Mark I d-dont want to like anyone again for a while" you said tone sad and Mark felt bad, maybe he didn't think this through.

"I'll wait then" it was your turn to look confused

"Then I'll wait for you to be ready to like someone again."

You sighed but the gesture seemed so sweet and from what you knew from the little time you spent with him in that small room daily was that Mark wasn't a good liar, "It may take a long while and I might not even end up liking you. You think you're okay with that?"

Mark eyes sparkled with something unreadable but it was definitely something good. He nodded his head, determined, "No matter how long and with how little hope I have, I'll wait for you to like me."

~~~

Lee brother's- A mini series

Previous part: Lee Taeyong

Next part: Ten Lee

[starlightxsvt]

Hellion

pairing: Jeonghan x female reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, idk what this is

warnings: cursing

word count: around 1.5k

A/N: Firstly, happy birthday to the Jeonghan, our con man. I know I'm a day late so forgive me for that. Secondly, I've no idea what the hell I wrote. I've cancelled two other drafts I wrote for his birthday cause none of them were coming together and in the end I've decided to post this shit. Anyway, your feedback would be really appreciated in this mess of a story :').

"What's Jeonghan doing here?" You hiss to Mingyu who has a hard time prying his eyes off of Chaeyeon. "I invited him. I never thought he'd actually come. I'm surprised too." He replies.

"Wha- why would you invite Jeonghan to my birthday party!" You glare at him to which he rolls his eyes, "Come on now, he's in our friend group. And college is almost over. You don't know when you'll see him again. Ogle him while he's still here." He smirks.

"What did you just s-"

"Oh come on, don't act like I don't know that he's your secret crush. Maybe make up with him and if you're lucky you'll get some good dick as a birthday present." Mingyu chuckles at your open mouth before scurrying away to avoid your wrath. You glare at his retreating figure before inhaling sharply. And before you can stop yourself, you start to look for him.

You spot Jeonghan at the large porch in the back of Mingyu's house, sitting in one of the porch seats while sipping beer. He looks dashing as always, his black hair messy, his pale skin glowing in the moonlight, his cheekbones getting a prominent shine. You sigh.

Jeonghan was an exhausting person to be around and maybe, he'd say the same for you. You've known him since highschool and after a particular incident of him spilling his banana milk all over your brand new scarf, you decided to call it war. To this day you believe that he did it on purpose because you told your homeroom teacher that he slept during his class.

After that it was like an unspoken rule- you two would bicker whenever you were in the same space. It only infuriated you that he was so good looking, smart, famous and the fact that you had some feelings developing for him. Each time you saw him with a girl you'd feel a bitter feeling all over and you could only hope that those feelings would pass over time. But no they didn't, they only grew- the small branches had formed a tree now, the roots planted deep in your heart.

"How long are you going to stand there and stare at me?" Jeonghan calls, without turning behind. You clear your throat before walking to him, "Didn't expect to see you here, fuck face."

"Can you not call me names for a day please? You're just jealous I'm good looking." He remarks drowning the can of beer.

You snort, "Haha. You wish, loser." You plop down beside him. "I see you've finished quite a few cans. What's up? Got ditched?" You poke him.

"What do you care?"

"You're ruining the mood here with all these sad aura around you. Go drink your sorrows away somewhere else, this is my party."

"Yet you are sitting with me and my sad auras."

"I came to tell you that," you scoff, crossing your arms over.

"Parties are not your thing, I know. And Mingyu wasn't shy on inviting people. It feels more like his birthday than yours." Jeonghan comments, still staring ahead. His words are true and they infuriate you. You can't help but get defensive, "What do you know, sad boy? I'm enjoying myself just fine."

"And yet you are sitting with me and-"

"Stop saying that, will you!" You snap. Jeonghan chuckles before looking at you. He unabashedly eyes you up and down, heating your cheeks up in the process.

"Nice dress," he murmurs. His words catch you off guard and you glare at him, "Stop staring at me, pervert."

"You were staring at me earlier."

"Seriously? Can you stop for one goddamn second?"

"You're the one who started it."

"That's it. I shouldn't have come here," you stand up to leave but to your utter surprise Jeonghan grabs your hand, sending your heart to a frenzy. "Wait."

You swallow nervously, heart thudding loudly in your chest as Jeonghan lets go of your hand and meets your eyes, "Sit down, I've a gift for you."

You frown, "You have a gift for me?" Jeonghan nods before sitting straight, setting down his can. "Before that, I need you to know something."

"W-what?"

"I really didn't spill my milk all over you intentionally that day." He meets your eyes.

You can't help but laugh out loud partially because he's still concerned about that and partially because you believe he's lying.

"Listen here, sad boy, I've put that well past me. And I know for a fact you did it on purpose so don't-"

"You didn't, ___. We've been fighting over that for our whole goddamn lives. And no, I'm not lying. I've no reason to. I never cared if you told our teacher shit or not." His chocolate orbs bore into yours and you swallow. The air surrounding you suddenly becomes thick and you start to feel jittery and maybe a slight amount of guilt. Is he really speaking the truth?

"W-whatever, I don't care anymore." You say, sitting down gently beside him.

"And yet you still hold a grudge against me," Jeonghan sighs. "Besides you're not even fun to fight with."

"What did you say?"

He laughs, his eyes forming crescents and the sweet melody echoing in the air. You quickly look away before he catches you staring, "I don't have all day. Where's my gift?"

"Yeah, right." From beside him he produces a bag that you didn't notice before. He hands it to you and you tentatively peek in, half expecting a bug to jump out.

To your utter surprise, a scarf that looks identical to the one he ruined lies there. A small gasp leaves your mouth.

"I bought it that day after I stained yours. I was going to give this to you as an apology but dear lord, you were on my ass the second I got to class next day." Jeonghan speaks and a blush coats your cheek leaving you feel vulnerable all of a sudden.

"I don't know what to say," You whisper more to yourself. Jeonghan chuckles, "I know, you're touched. It's okay, we're even finally."

You bite your lip and exhale loudly before meeting his eyes, "Thanks." Jeonghan moves his hand in a dismissive wave. "I thought I'd finally give it you, call it a truce. We'll probably never see each other again after this month and I wanted to depart on good terms."

Your throat constricts, an overwhelming sadness enveloping you. He's right, you two would probably never see each other again. His dad owns a huge business and he'd probably go abroad to manage it.

"You're right, let's call it a truce," you whisper staring at the scarf in your lap.

"Come on now, don't look so sad, sad girl," Jeonghan teases you and you roll your eyes. He's still the same.

He hands you a beer, "Have a drink with me to sign the truce." You quietly laugh, taking the can from him. You two share a comfortable silence, staring at the night sky, the music from the party fading into the background until Jeonghan decides to break it.

"I know you like me, ___." The words slip past his lips like it's the most casual thing ever. You choke on your beer before looking at him eyes wide like saucers, "W-what!"

Jeonghan slightly turns to face you, his features calm, "You don't have to act. I've known all along."

Oh. My. God.

Heat spreads all over your face like wildfire. Your first thought is that Mingyu told him. You chew your lip as you see no way out. "W-who told you?" You squeak.

"I've figured it out myself," He says nonchalantly, resting his head on his hand as you stares at you.

"You-you did?"

"Mhmm."

You fumble with the hem of your dress before murmuring out, "I-I should get going." You need to escape him. Forever.

But Jeonghan isn't done. He casually goes on, "I've always thought you were pretty. Even when you get red after losing an argument." You blush furiously as your palms sweat.

"You know I really had no intention of picking a fight with you but you...you were so desperate to bring me down. You always speak too much and I often think about the many ways I could shut your loud mouth. Such a shame, we would've made a great couple."

Your face feels like it's on fire by now. You swallow before nervously laughing, "I s-see what you're doing here...You're trying to p-prank me, asshole."

Jeonghan runs a hand through his hair, sighing, "See? There you go again, running that damn mouth." Your lips press together as you clench your fists, thinking of a way out. In the blink of an eye Jeonghan scoots closer to you and leans in to capture your lips in a kiss.

A squeak leaves your mouth as Jeonghan tilts your head, cupping your cheek. You want to pull back, smack him, call him names but you can only moan as his mouth slots against yours perfectly. Your tongues clash as you grab a fistful of Jeonghan's shirt, moaning.

When you pull back for air, you're mortified, wanting to be swallowed up by the ground. Jeonghan is totally calm as he takes in your messy state licking his lips.

"Do you want to continue?"

"W-wh-what?"

"I said do you want to continue this? If you don't want to I'll leave. If you do then you're coming home with me. Which one is it gonna be, ___?"

You bite your lip. Oh my God. This can't be happening.

You grit your teeth as every ounce of your resolve disappears, "I...I want you."

The smile on Jeonghan's face is victorious, a smile you've seen million times before, a smile that makes you week in the knees. "Good girl." He says encasing your lips in another kiss before standing up holding out his hand. "Come along, sweetheart. I'm gonna ruin you for any other man. Even when it's morning you'll only be thinking about me," he whispers in your ear before tugging you out of the porch- your heart hammering in your chest as you squeeze the scarf on your hand.

Fuck, you owe Mingyu a fruit basket or some shit now.

A/N 2: Also, that video of Jeonghan exercising made me 🥵🥵 this man is so infurating. I was literally dehydrated from watching that video.

[syinisuga]

Begin Again [MinYoongi]

Pairing : Yoongi x Reader

Word count : 5.2K

Genre : Fluff and Angst

Description : Friends to lovers, Long Distance relationship, Lovers to (?)

Summary : when you thought the friendship you once had with him died away after one silly mistake, and you thought you would never have again what you lost;

But it blossoms back unexpectedly stronger and is slowly growing to be something more beautiful than you ever had

"I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn, and end;

But on a Wednesday in a cafe i watched it Begin Again"

--------------------✨📖✨---------------------

It was the start of a new year and you weren't particularly happy about being moved up a few classes into an entirely new class with relatively new students you haven't personally met yet. You were still grateful for your good results in the past year to have you land in such a good class. In all honesty though, you did miss your friends from your old class, all of them being scattered in the back classes however changed your mind about being thankful that you're at least in a better one. The first few days of getting used to the classes went by rather slowly as you were listening to the introductions of the other students and teachers half mindedly, till around your 4th day into the classes that is.

You were randomly seated in the Chemistry lab by the teacher as she familiarised herself with the rest of the class. Not paying much attention you were spacing out, resting your chin on your palm, tapping away at your cheek.

" Um, hey there"

The voice from the stool next to you spoke. You turned your head to the direction of the voice, being met with warm brown eyes looking right at you. He had soft black hair, eyes slightly puffy as if he hadn't slept well the night before, lips curled up in a slight smile as he looked at you.

"Oh, hello"

you answered, trying not to sound overly shocked at the first human interaction you've had in this new class.

"I'm yoongi, what's your name?"

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you Yoongi"

"So what are your interests? What do you like to do y/n? Any hobbies?"

It definitely took you by surprise when this boy you've never really met before was suddenly making an interest to get to know you more. Something about him felt raw and not shy but in a good way.

"Well i really love listening to music and i do indulge in art as well. Spend most of my time listening to songs while drawing. Draw the mood of the song you know?"

"Damn, haha you sound kinda like me. Not tryna be cheesy or anything but i love listening to music too, I'm shit at drawing tho, i can barely draw a stickman"

Both of you exchanged a little chuckle at his open confession about himself. And even though it had only been a few minutes of words between the two of you, you felt at that moment that he wasn't like the other boys who popped up to talk to you first. This one genuinely seemed interested in you just to make a new friend.

-----------------------🤝------------------------

"Yo y/n you wanna ditch PE and hang out in the library? The new Resident Evil movie came out we can watch"

"You know what, yeah let's yeet"

You don't know how it went from spending lunch times together, to skipping the most boring subjects to hang out and hide. It'd been a few months since you started your new friendship with Yoongi, and by now you were known as the inseparable duo, funny enough both of you became the class representatives. Somehow you two got closer and closer each day, the more you talked the more you felt like you've known each other for years, yet some part of you knew that there was more to Yoongi than he was showing to you.

On a particularly slow day at your classes, you and Yoongi had pre planned to sneak out to hang out at your usual spot in the library. Sitting at the back of the library the both of you laughed at a joke Yoongi made about how almost the whole school shipped the both of you.

"You know y/n, I envy you"

"Oh well, I know I'm fabulous" you playfully said as you flipped your hair back, earning a little grunt and a harmless eye roll from Yoongi.

"It's not that you loonatic, i envy you...cause you have such a nice relationship with your family"

His sudden statement caught you slightly off guard but you gave him a look, clearly eager to know the reason behind his words. Flashing half a smile towards you he starts his story.

"Growing up for me was, well, it was an experience. I grew up under the care of foster parents who constantly reminded me that my parents gave me away cause i was a burden, all my life that's what i was told. Never had a father figure or mother figure to help shape my emotions? Guess that's why I don't show it if I'm sad or depressed, which is actually most of the time"

he looks down at his hands and chuckles softly.

"But you know something y/n? Being with you makes me feel like I could be myself, like I don't have to be afraid of being judged. And that's why I wanted you to know the truth but i understand if you don't wanna get involved or-"

You cut him off by placing your hand on his, giving him a reassuring smile.

"Yoongi, i want you to know that I'll always be here for you and you can talk to me about this anytime okay? You're my best friend now! And I'm hoping I'm yours too?" You ask in a more playful tone making yoongi giggle.

"Of course you are"

"Good! Cause i come in a package deal of crackhead and supportive as well as a no return contract"

"Sounds perfect to me bestie"

-----------------------😚------------------------

Over 2 years had passed and the whole highschool down to the teachers were sure the two of you were in a relationship, as everyone saw the two of you being practically stuck together almost all the time. Yoongi and your friendship became stronger than ever since that day he decided to open up to you. It became a regular thing where you'd confide in each other for emotional comfort as well as motivation and support. Not missing the fact that your level of crackhead together had become an all time high.

Your finals and exams blasted through and you had spent all your study weeks with Yoongi in the library. As sketchy as it was you and your best friend actually did sincere studying. And as it would, your hard work together paid off earning the both of you high marks in your finals. The two of you didn't miss to make a trademark crackhead scene at the receiving of the scroll ceremony when you accidentally tripped on your shoelace and Yoongi cracked up laughing and clapping before helping you up. The two of you celebrate with drinks and a lot of food that night and Yoongi paid for everything to make it up to you for laughing when you fell.

You looked at yourself one last time in the mirror before heading out to your highschool's hall. It was your graduation party but more importantly to you it was Yoongi's birthday. Coincidentally the two events had fallen on the same day, and what better opportunity than to get dressed up to party at your graduation ceremony together. It had been a heck of a ride these last two years, and you were going to make sure this last school event would be memorable.

Upon arriving you scan around the hall of students in search of the familiar face.

"Looking for me?"

He makes his presence behind you known by clearing his throat. You turn around to give your usual playful comment back but the words were caught in your throat as your gaze landed on your best friend. He was dressed smart, in a suit that looked like it was custom made to fit him, his hair in a side part and bangs neatly framing his face. You were so used to seeing him in his casual hoodies and ripped jeans that seeing him in formal wear made you choke on your words.

Too focused on getting your senses back in check, you don't notice how Yoongi's train of thought was stopped dead in its tracks as he watched you turn around to face him. He never pictured his crackhead of a best friend in something other than t-shirts and track pants. Seeing you in a dress that hugged your figure in all the right places and taking in the sight of you, with your makeup and hair all done to suit the dress you were wearing nearly made him pass out from how he was holding his breath to admire you.

Clearing the silence between the two of you, Yoongi speaks up first.

"Well well, you don't completely look like the satanic spawn of hot cheetos and depression today. You actually look pretty good"

Smirking a little smile you bite back at his comment.

"Well same to you too Mr. I'm a millennial emo teen. You actually look, presentable today"

The two of you exchanged a playful giggle and assumed your seats at your class tables as the ceremony went on.

You don't see the small glances Yoongi takes in your direction, the thoughts gushing through his mind about how you looked at the moment and cursing himself for not realising your features sooner. He admired the way you had chosen to dress up today, seeing the way you had styled your hair so your curls would frame your face, the way you had done your makeup in a more natural looking way that he thought suited you perfectly. Yoongi didn't remember when the unlabeled feelings for you came but the longer he looked at you the more he was starting to put a name to the feelings he had. So much so that he had completely spaced out in his thoughts of you like that he didn't realise you were speaking to him.

" -don't you think so Yoongi?"

"I'm sorry what did you say? The umm, the music is so loud"

"I saaaaiiddd it's beginning to get a little dull at this graduation ceremony, we need a little surprise, don't you think?"

"Surprise?? What kind of surprise?"

Flashing a smile his way you get up and walk towards the front of the hall where the ceremony host was finishing up their ending speech. Whispering into the host's ear, he gives you the microphone and you confidently stride to the front. But you accidentally go too close to the speaker and it lets out an unpleasant squee, making you move back and away a little. You look up and around finding your best friend's eyes looking back at you giggling at the scene that just occured.

"Well that's one way to get everyone's attention" you chuckle earning muffled chuckles and words from the hall.

"So firstly congrats to everyone on graduating y'all did it. But that's not why I'm up here right now. Today is a special day for someone, and since it's the last day we'll all be gathering I wanted to make this memorable for him. So everyone I would like to wish out here, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIN YOONGI"

you started to sing happy birthday and the rest of the hall joined in singing with you.

In all this happening, Yoongi could only focus on you, the way you just boldly got up to sing out loud and wish him Happy Birthday in the most "you" way possible. So he didn't know if it was the moment or if it was his unlabeled feelings overflowing for you, that he got up and walked towards you as the song was ending. He couldn't tell what came over him at that moment but he knew for sure he wasn't going to stop what he was about to do next. Cupping your cheeks in his palms, he leaned in, pressing his soft lips to yours. Kissing you with deep feelings overtaking his mind. The moment his lips touched yours he knew what those unlabeled feelings were, it was Love.

You couldn't process fast enough that your best friend was striding towards you with a goal, a desire. And you surely didn't expect for him to suddenly kiss you. Registering the feeling of his lips on yours, your eyes closed on their own as if on automatic response. You sank into the feeling of his lips, and it was then you felt the spark that ignited your own unlabeled feelings for Yoongi. You had definitely asked yourself countless times before if what you were feeling for Yoongi was more than just friendship. On the countless nights he had cried on your shoulder or when you cried on his, on the many occasions where you were both always partners in crime, you would always glance at Yoongi and wonder what more could there be to the feelings between you.

As the both of you slowly pulled away from each other a roaring sound of cheers erupted as it seemed to be that the two of you were the last ones to know you two were actually in love with each other. Taking your hand in his, Yoongi and you ran out of the hall that night knowing well where the two of you stood from that moment on.

-----------------------❤️------------------------

"No babe I think you should definitely take the opportunity to study there, I know it's far but it'll be really good for you, plus it's something you really like! It'll take some time for you to get used to the new place but i know you'll fit right in. In fact i know your wack ass would stand out"

You giggled at his comment but you wholeheartedly took his motivation and advice. But the question and thoughts still lingered in your mind as you heard Yoongi chuckle on the other end of the phone.

"But Yoongi, this means we'd be in a long distance relationship, with you going off to study in the opposite direction and all. Even our breaks don't match Yoongi.. what'll we do" the worrying tone in your voice didn't go unnoticed by Yoongi as he answered you in a calm reassuring tone.

"It'll take some work, but i know we can get through this okay? We'll make it, we can make it. I love you" you smiled at Yoongi's voice uttering the sweet words of love as you felt yourself calm your thoughts.

"I love you too Yoongi. Well then, keep me company while i pack?"

"You bet"

It had been a few months since you started dating, and honestly it didn't feel any different from when the two of you were in your phase of friendship, everything was going relatively smooth apart from the little fights and misunderstandings you had now that you were a couple. Sometimes you sit to think to yourself if moving into a relationship with Yoongi was the best choice, it would feel as though sometimes he would act differently and not like he always would but you just shake of the thoughts. You just figured with all these future college studies and intakes coming about that he was just as stressed as you were. You assured yourself that the two of you would be alright and that you'll always have each other.

A few more months pass and the two of you have already started your college lives. Yoongi being in a campus almost 8 hours away from you with minimal transport for him to even go home let alone plan to meet you. It was going smoothly, settling into orientation and getting to know the layouts of the campus well, meeting new friends and truly taking in your next step in education. You and Yoongi would exchange day to day text messages about how orientation and the first days of classes went.

All well and good till Yoongi's texts became slower and less frequent, he would always say that he's busy with his friends there, or straight up not giving a response at all. You became more and more fearful at how this long distance thing was going to work out for the two of you.

28th Tuesday

[12:27am] hey Yoongi! I hope you had a great day, I miss you and hope you sleep well, love you!

[08:40am] Hey Babe, good morning! I'm in class now, wishing we could skip like old times haha, hope you have a great day! Text me soon

[6:48pm] Hey i just got back to my dorm after classes, it was super fun! How was your day??

[8:11pm] Yoongi?? Are you okay? Are you busy babe?

[8:24pm] I miss youuuuuuuu :(

[10:16pm] Yoongi :(

You tossed your phone to the side of your bed as you felt your tears well up, why was he suddenly avoiding you? Is he okay?? Did he get hurt? Your thoughts were spiraling, getting messier till you heard the familiar ping from your phone. You scurried to your phone to see Yoongi's name pop up on the screen. Your smile quickly faded, replaced by disappointment at his reply.

[10:43pm] Hey, was busy with friends today, going to bed now ttyl <3

You frowned and wouldn't let him go this time. The days of short texts to unreplied texts and this is how he replies now? In a fit of fury you call him.

"Hello?-"

"Yoongi what's wrong? You haven't been replying to my texts as usual are you okay??"

"Mmh I'm fine, just busy with classes and my new friends y/n"

"Well I can't accept that answer Yoongi, I'm busy with classes and friend's here too but I take the time so why can't you?"

"Hey it's not that big of a deal y/n, we're in new environments now and it'll take me some time to settle in"

"Yoongi surely you have at least 5 minutes a day to text me??"

"Yeah of course I do, I just texted you didn't i?"

"That short ass reply was what you call a text Yoongi? It really sounds like you're avoiding me"

"You know what y/n I don't have time for this right now I'm tired"

"No Yoongi, I haven't talked to you properly in days come on don't you miss me Yoongi?"

"To be honest I've been enjoying the new company here that's I haven't missed you much"

"What do you mean Yoongi? You don't think of me?"

"Not all the time no, i have other things to think about here y/n i have new responsibilities here I can't be thinking about you all the damn time, just be happy I texted you back"

"Are you threatening to not text me anymore Yoongi? Is that what you're saying? You don't wanna talk to me anymore?"

"Oh god for fucks sake y/n stop being so clingy alright? Just grow up a little!"

The sound of his voice in heightened frustration made you choke on your words, you silenced yourself as his words rang loud in your head.

"You know what y/n I don't think this will work out, I'm going to get even busier and this will just be in the way of it all"

"Yoongi…"

"I'm sorry y/n but clearly this distance is proving that we won't work out"

"Are you... breaking up with me Yoongi?.."

The pain in your voice and the soft shaky exhale doesn't go unnoticed by Yoongi. Yoongi takes a deep breath, realising he spoke too fast in frustration. As much as he did feel for you this distance was tearing you apart and Yoongi didn't want to believe it but it was the truth. He spoke softer this time giving his side of his explanation.

"Y/n, you've been nothing but amazing to me, but I realize that we were more compatible as friends, I mean think about it, we've had so many petty fights that we never had before we dated. Our growing college life will further hinder our relationship. I don't want to hurt you like this by not giving you the love and attention you deserve. I'll always love you y/n, just not as more than friends I suppose"

You couldn't believe what was happening right now, your world felt like it was crashing down on you hard and fast, you could feel the sharp stinging in your chest from how your heart was breaking the more reality hit you. Yoongi's words had reason to them, but you were still in a state of confusion. Why could you make time for Yoongi but he couldn't for you? Maybe it's because the two of you are pursuing different fields of studies? Maybe he really had better things to do? Yoongi didn't want to hurt your feelings by making you feel abandoned so he was in fact abandoning you? No? But he said he'll still love you?? Your head was spinning a bunch of thoughts ran through your head.

"Okay Yoongi...if that's what would be the best for us..then okay"

"Don't worry okay? We'll still text as usual, talk when we can okay? I won't let you go, you're still my best friend y/n"

You didn't know if his words would be comforting enough, but at that moment you took what you had and calmed your thoughts for now.

"Okay Yoongi.."

"Good, I have an early schedule tomorrow. I'll talk to you later okay? I'm going to bed now. Goodnight y/n"

"Good night Yoongi"

-----------------------💔------------------------

As it will, Yoongi and you slowly drifted apart. You would often see his social media updates about how he was actively participating in clubs, and how he had taken up new responsibilities, going to camps and hosting events at his institute and he definitely seemed to be doing well. You on the other hand fell more and more at war with your emotions, it didn't hinder your studies. Thankfully you could keep those two apart. But whenever it got a little too quiet you'd think of him, the days in highschool when you were inseparable. You missed his laugh, his endearing way of calling you the most heinous nicknames. You definitely missed his comforting arms, his words of encouragement when you were down, you wished nothing more that in this moment you were crying to him instead of because of him.

You couldn't believe that you were sitting here, broken and feeling alone by the guy that made his way into your life, and had now made his way out in the most painful way possible. You were left there clueless and confused. Did he do it for you? Was it the right thing? Did he really think of you? Why was this happening? What would have happened if you didn't date? Would things be different? Would your best friend have stayed? All these questions playing through your mind, countless nights you spent crying yourself to sleep. Thinking of how you felt almost betrayed, you cursed at yourself for sending texts to him that were only left on read or replied with a simple "I'm busy, text you later".

Slowly days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months as you hadn't spoken much to Yoongi. You became stone hearted from all that had happened and slowly you got back into yourself. You were more and more active in your college life and you were growing to be better at controlling your emotions. Sure some little things remind you of him now and then, but it was much easier by now to brush his thoughts off. As sadly as your situation was you learned to move with it and not let it consume you. Every now and then you'd see Yoongi piston updates on his progressively active life and you'd feel happy for him, you wondered if he ever felt the same for you when he saw your updates on how well you were doing.

----------------------🍃-------------------------

It had been a total of 4 years since everything happened, you were on a roll and you had graduated college. You had a few job applications pending and you were more stable with your life by now. All the questions you once had were stored in a box collection dust in the far corner of your mind.

It was a relaxing Saturday evening, you were in your apartment lounging on your bed. As you were chatting away with your friends a familiar ping aroused from your phone. The name that popped up on the screen made your heart heavy and you breathing shallow, a true ghost from your past…

"Yoongi 🥀"

Your screen read. Taking a deep breath you opened the chat.

[9:57pm] Hey y/n it's been a long time… are you free tonight? Can I call you?

You didn't know what exactly to think right now. Every cell in your brain telling you not to. That you shouldn't give into him again, and that you should just talk to him over text no matter what it was. But your heart was screaming for him, the familiar feeling of longing for him returning in a massive tsunami, washing over your thoughts. You took a deep breath to centre your thoughts and decided you'd listen to him and talk to him again.

[9:59pm] Hey Yoongi, yeah I'm free to talk.

As soon as the message was read by him, your phone rang. You took one more deep breath and answered the call.

"Hello y/n, how are you?"

You cursed in your head at how much you missed his voice, the way he spoke to you at this moment had a hint of the same longing you had for him.

"Hey..Yoongi, I'm good. How are you?"

"I've been good too.. congratulations on graduating"

"Thanks Yoongi, congratulations on graduating too.."

"Thanks…"

The silence that fell had you both reflecting on everything that happened and how fast it all went by. The box of questions in your mind burst out once again whereas Yoongi on the other hand was feeling guilt and hate towards himself for everything that he put you through. Little did you know that these last few months Yoongi was hit with the hard realisation that he had lost not only his best friend but the person he cared about the most. His family certainly did not improve and the one person who was there for him when he needed it, he had left broken hearted and abruptly once he found a new escape. Yoongi was slowly flooded with memories of you as he neared his own college graduation. He remembered your highschool graduation and how he felt for you there in that moment of time. He spent a few nights crying at the realisation that he had thought of what's best for you but didn't think of how you felt and how he had left things between the two of you.

"Why Yoongi…."

Was all you managed to say out loud before your emotions caved in. Understanding what you were asking he answered.

"I was so caught up in the new environment of growing up and moving on that I did what I thought was the best to not hurt you...but I didn't think far enough that doing so will indeed hurt you.. and I wasn't there for you like i was supposed to. It took a hard hit to my head to realise that I was wrong y/n… you were always there for me and stupidly I made this mistake… I thought i was thinking of the best for both of us, when in fact i was thinking of myself.. I was selfish and I realised that…so many things reminded me of you y/n, the clouds, the sun, the sight of roses, the smell of hot cheetos.."

You giggled a little at his last comment earning a little muffled one from Yoongi.

"I understand if you hate me for what I did to you y/n… and I don't know if it'll ever be the same between us again.. but I'm willing to try to bring back what we had... if you're willing to give me a chance…"

You exhaled softly before letting out everything that you've been feeling.

"I don't hate you Yoongi, I never could and I never will. You're everything to me Yoongi and I was just really hurt by what you did and how you ended things. So many thoughts went through my head and I won't even talk about how much you made me cry….you dipshit" the playful cursing nickname made Yoongi chuckle a little, slowly making him feel reassured at the directions of the conversation.

"I'm willing to give us a chance Yoongi..and you're right, I don't expect it to be the same as what we had, I just hate that I lost my best friend.."

"I know..i understand that..and I'm sorry..for everything"

"It's okay Yoongi, I'm sorry too… maybe I should've been more understanding…"

"Hey… do you.. wanna hang out Tomorrow night?"

"You wanna hang out?"

"Yeah, i wanna see you and catch up with you"

"Sure Yoongi that'd be nice"

"Great!! I'll meet you at the café by our old highschool?"

"Sure Yoongi, sounds great"

"Right then, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you tomorrow Yoongi"

You could hear the smiles in each other's voices as you both bid goodnight and hung up the phone. You didn't know what it was exactly but you knew just from that phone call that everything was going to be alright. You felt like you breathed much easier now, your mind much lighter. Yoongi felt the same, he was smiling more now filled with the excitement of meeting you again tomorrow after years.

-----------------------✨------------------------

You made sure to check yourself out in the mirror a few more times before heading towards the café. You had chosen to wear a simple yet stylish outfit, your hair tied back in a low loose ponytail, your short hairs framing your face. You were nervous yet excited to be reunited with your best friend again. And as you approach the café, there he was. Standing outside the door of the café waiting for you. The now slightly more mature looking, dark fluffy haired man, wearing a long black coat was looking just as nervous and excited as he was looking down at his feet.

"I didn't know you needed glasses to see now"

your voice made him turn his head fast in your direction. The moment his gaze landed on you, it felt like highschool all over again. The way you looked standing there, just centimetres away from him. He took in your slightly matured face yet he told himself that you hadn't changed one bit.

"It's official, you're old Yoongi"

He chuckled and playfully scoffed at your comment.

"Well at least i don't dress like the satanic spawn of depression and hot cheetos"

"Sure thing Mr. I'm still a millennial emo teen"

The two of you laughed, and the world seemed to slow down. The feeling that nothing ever really changed between the two of you was knowing, however this time something felt entirely different. Both of you could feel it for sure. It was the feeling of a bond stronger than both friendship and love. You didn't know what the feeling was exactly, all that you knew was that you're never losing each other again. All this while you've been sitting there watching the feelings you had burn and crash in the worst way possible, but today right here at this café, right in front of your eyes you watched everything Begin Again.

[ahsxual]

Drum Lover

Pairing: Patrick Verona x Fem!Reader

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Summary: You recently learned how to play drums and you decided to show your skills to your boyfriend Patrick.

Warnings: doubtful and insecure Pat

Word Count: 2,2k

A/N: Last week I learned how to play drums with a friend and I'm so excited and proud of myself! I love music, so this was really important to me, and I couldn't help myself from writing something about it with my handsome <33

You always had a strong innate obsession for music: it was your escape from reality, your comfort, your passion, your own world. Because of this, you practically loved all musical instruments, deeply admiring the sounds and melodies of every single one. However, there's one that stands out from the others: the drums.

One of your friends knew how to play drums, so you asked him if he could teach you some beats. He gladly accepted your request, knowing how much it means for you to play this incredible instrument. Once you sat in front of it with the drumsticks in your hand, you could already feel the good vibes flowing through your body, instantly provoking goosebumps all over your skin. He was very patient with you, playing first so you could understand better which sounds and moves you should do.

You were a fast learner, so in little time you managed to do beats with just a few mistakes, which impressed your friend. The feeling of getting the chance to play drums was incomparable to any other: you instantly felt a sensation of freedom and happiness, like you were naturally born to make music. You were so proud of yourself, being utterly thankful for your friend to provide you such an amazing and unique experience.

"Wow, good job girl! I have to admit I wasn't expecting you to learn so fast!" he praised you, sincerely.

"I'm impressed too! You know, when you love something so much, it's so easy to learn and be dedicated to it." you answered, meaning every word.

"Yeah, I can clearly see that." he smiled at you, the proudness radiating from his body directly into yours. "You know what you can do since you already now how to play the basics?"

"Uh... learn more from now on? Getting classes? Yeah, I definitely should do that." you immediately got excited at the idea.

"Uh... sure. I mean, I was not thinking about that, but yeah, you should to that too."

"So...what is it?" you curiously asked, since you had no idea what he was going to say.

"Well, I think you should show your skills to your boyfriend." he naturally suggested, like it was the simplest thing to do.

"I what? You want me to show it to Patrick??" you were surprised by his suggestion: you just learned how to play drums, and he wants you to make a show to your boyfriend already? "No, no, forget it, I-I can't do it."

"Hey hey, where's that insecurity coming from? I'm sure he's gonna be proud of you, you know how he is. Even if you were the worst drummer player in the world, he would still love you more than you love music!" he said confidently, both of you knowing he was right. But what if you embarrass yourself in front of Pat? What if he makes a joke about it and even with your great sense of humor, you would still take it seriously since this is so meaningful to you? What if your friend wasn't right...? No, no, you know that is out of question.

"I don't know, I guess my insecurities are getting the best of me..." you were sad by your sudden change of mood. But at the same time, when you rethought about your friend's idea, maybe you should show Patrick what you have learned. "Unless..." suddenly an idea surged to your mind, being so obvious that you couldn't believe why you didn't thought about it before.

"Unless...?" your friend knew he was starting to convince you to leave your unnecessary anxious thoughts from aside.

"Unless I practice with you! Then I will be more confident to show him! But it will take time, I have to learn as much as I can to really impress him." you slowly started to get your initial mood back by thinking of Patrick's reaction. Your love for music, mainly for drums, isn't unknown by your boyfriend. He perfectly knows that one of your dreams is play to it, and he would be so amazed and proud to see you playing it.

"Yes, sure! You don't have to give a show to Patrick, not now. Like everyone, you need practice. Luckily, you have the advantage for being a fast learner, so it would take half of the time for you to learn comparatively to any other person." by his words, you started to think that maybe this is actually a great idea.

"Thank you, really, this means a lot to me." you then hugged your supportive friend.

"Let's make it this way: whenever you have free time, call me. If I'm available too, you come to my house and I'll teach you a few more things. Sounds good to you?"

"Sounds perfect! I owe you one!" you answered, making your way to your friend's front door.

"I'll think about what I need, then. See ya!" he playfully said, accompanying you to the front door.

Once you arrived to your home, Patrick was on the sofa eating popcorn while watching a comedy movie. He had his own house, however he secretly hated to be alone, so he would always come to yours just to be with you.

"Oh, you just got on time, the movie had just started!" he said once he saw you. Because of school, he didn't have much time for you as he liked to, so this moments together are very special for him, just like they are for you.

"Ohh, I'm so glad you made popcorn! I'm dying to eat sweets." you admitted, jumping slightly on the sofa and making your way to your lover's lap.

"You can always eat me, pretty girl." he winked at you, already showing his sassy side towards you, something you always loved since you met him.

"Who said I won't?" you playfully raised your eyebrow at him, earning a laugh and a passionate kiss from him right after. You started to kiss slowly, yet passionately until you decided that was better to stop, unless you wanted to miss the movie.

After that evening, you started to go out almost every day with your friend just to practice and learn something new. Patrick started to get suspicious about your suddenly lack of time and he even confronted you about it, only for you to reassure him that everything was fine, that you still loved him and you didn't want to leave him, not ever. He seemed to be convinced by your words, however you knew that he was starting to miss you even more and eventually getting sad and feeling lonely. That's when you thought you had learned enough to be able to play for him and didn't have to make him suffer much longer with your unavailability.

"Babe!" you called him once you arrived home from your friend's house.

"Hey." he simply said, not bothering to look at you. He was only with a black t-shirt and his black boxers, sitting in your bed while watching some random channel on the tv.

"Uh... is everything ok?" you started to worry by his indifference. He never acted like that before towards you and that concerned you to no end.

"I don't know, you tell me." he finally looked at you after turning the tv off, hurt and disappointment written on his face. He then got up from the bed, walking slowly in your direction with his arms crossed. "Is there something you want to tell me, huh?"

"Actually yes. I-I wanted to take you to a place to show you something." you tried to lighten up the mood, but it seemed useless.

"Oh, so now you have time for me? How wonderful." he was ready to get back to your bed, only for you to stop him on his way by grabbing his arm firmly.

"Pat, listen to me. I know I've been going out a lot more lately, but that's exactly what I'm trying to explain to you."

"Ok then, I'm listening." he crossed his arms once again: you knew this wasn't going to be easy, but you wouldn't give up.

"Can you just come with me, please? I promise I will explain everything to you." you tried to convince him one more time. There was a long pause, the silence and his deep stare into yours starting to make you feel even more nervous.

"Ok." he answered, obviously still being mad. "You better give me a good reason for all of this." you simply nodded, perfectly knowing you haven't been fair with him, but your intentions were good and you just didn't want to screw up your surprise. He started to dress himself, putting black leather jeans and black boots. The silence was making you nauseous, but you couldn't let that affect you. Not now that your moment to shine in front of your boyfriend was close to finally happen. "Let's go." he said in a serious tone, both of you leading to his car.

"Can I drive?" he looked surprised at you, yet he let you do what you wanted. This was your opportunity to make it up for him. You drove to a music shop from your city, where you could play and buy various instruments freely. It was the perfect place to show him what you have learned this past few weeks and what you were capable of.

"Seriously? A music shop?" he was confused, but you ignored his comment. You got out of the car, Patrick following you right behind, and you both entered the shop. You went to a room where was the drums section, seeing one that was similar to your friend's: the perfect chosen one.

"What are you doing? You really want to learn how to play drums knowing that we have to-" once you got in the right position to play, you didn't even let him finish, playing immediately to show your surprise for him and end the tense mood that was implanted since you left your house. Ironically, because he was grumpy with you, you tried to only focused on what you were playing, missing his speechless, impressed and amazed face. He wasn't expecting this at all: he knew you didn't know how to play drums yet, however you showed him the opposite, taking the words out of his mouth. You were so concentrated in what you were doing, that not even one note was played incorrectly: yup, you definitely were enjoying yourself... just not as much as he was. He didn't dare to interrupt you, listening to the outstanding melody played by his talented girlfriend: saying he was proud of you wasn't enough, and being as smart as he was, he immediately knew that your lack of availability was caused by your "drum classes".

"What do you think? Did you like it?" you asked nervously once you finished your little show in front of Patrick. He approached you slowly, not taking his eyes away from you, and you could tell by the bright in his eyes and his little smirk that he really, really liked it.

"If I liked it? Damn girl, you should see yourself playing that thing, you were absolutely incredible... and sexy." he admitted, making you laugh and kiss him after. When you broke the kiss, you hugged him hard, the guilty feeling consuming your big heart once again. "I'm so proud of you, Y/n." he genuinely praised you while caressing your hair and giving you quick, yet sweet kisses on your shoulder. How is it possible for him to make you blush and feel your stomach filled with unquiet butterflies with just a few words and glances you didn't know, but it was definitely possible and real.

"I'm so sorry for not telling you about this and for leaving you wonder the wrong things, I just wanted to surprise you..." you felt your eyes watering, tears wanting desperately to come out at the thought of losing your stupendous and exceptional lover. You surely love drums, but that love isn't even comparable to the one you feel for your Pat.

"Yeah, you should have said something. I have to tell you that I was going crazy. Even when I knew it wasn’t true, I thought the worst, sugar." he sadly spoke, letting his accumulated emotions to finally come out. "But now that I saw the show you gave me... it was totally worth it." he smiled, relaxing you instantly: and that is his innate gift, making you feel safe and calm by just one look or smile.

"You know that I love you so, so much, and that I would never leave you, don't you Patrick?" you said in a loving tone, staring deeply into his beautiful eyes while caressing his left cheek with your thumb.

"Hmm I don't know, maybe you have to prove me that again." he joked, both you laughing and kissing, not getting tired of your playful and romantic side. "You know that I love you too, baby." he gladly confessed.

Now you know: next time, he will learn to play instruments with you as well, and who knows... maybe one day you two will have your own music band.

[little-annie]

All I Want

A Steddie Memory Loss Fic

---

It was good. 

It was so fucking good. 

Yeah, maybe their relationship was a secret. Maybe Uncle Wayne was the only one who knew they were together. Maybe they snuck into closets or empty rooms when they spent evenings with friends, snuck kisses in dark corners or when everyone's attention was focused elsewhere but they were still them. They were Steve and Eddie, Eddie and Steve, together and hopelessly in love. They were together and they had each other. Had each other in every beautifully intimate way possible. 

They sang, they kissed, they cuddled, they made love.

They made breakfast, held hands under the table, washed each other's hair and whispered sweet nothings to one another when no one was around.

They were so fucking in love.

Until they weren't 

Until the day Eddie woke up and remembered nothing of the last year of his life

Until the day Eddie woke up and remembered nothing of Steve. His Steve. The Steve that held his hand and cried his eyes out waiting for the moment that Eddie would wake up. His Steve that made him laugh and sing, made him feel like the luckiest, most loved man alive. His Steve that he spent evenings and weekends with, cuddled into god awful plaid sheets with whispers of the words 'I love you' falling from their lips.

Until the day Eddie woke up from his coma and had no idea why Steve "The King" "The Hair" Harrington was there with him and why the absolute fuck he kissed him and called him Eds on his return to the land of the living.

Their love was so strong, so powerful, so goddamn beautiful. But was it strong enough?

Steve's heart was so full. Full with everything Eddie. Full with eyes the colour of the earth, full with curls that perfectly wrapped around his fingers, full with a touch that made his soul melt and porcelain skin that blushed the prettiest shade of pink.

But

Steve's heart that was once so full shattered when the words, "Why the fuck are you here?" rasped from Eddie's dry throat.

It was like a bullet to the heart. Like a fucking Demogorgan reached in pulled the beating organ out of his chest and crushed it in its cold undead hands. Steve was suddenly so empty. So scared and so goddamn alone. Again.

"Son," Wayne had breathed calmly behind him, warning but also sadness in his tone, watching the one man his nephew loved so much crumble in front of him, reaching desperately for the hand Eddie wasn't willing to give.

Already verging on hysterics, Steve tried, he tried to take Eddie's hand, to call his name, but nothing less than a bark of an order came from the man he loved, "Get the fuck out of here Harrington!"

He fell back into Wayne in shock and the man continued to calmly speak, "They told us he could have memory loss kid. I'm sorry, but I think it's best that'cha leave. I'll call ya tonight when I know more, 'kay?"

Steve couldn't speak, silent tears running down his face, he gathered his things. Or thing. Everything he'd brought was Eddie's, or theirs. He had his jacket, the letterman jacket he didn't quite care for anymore but Eddie loved, or more loved to tease him in. He thought it'd lighten the mood when Eddie woke up, he thought it'd spark some fun loving banter between them. Everything else he left behind, the books, the blankets, the change of clothes ready for Eddie for when he woke up, his rings, his necklace, his leather bracelet and a journal Steve had written in on the days it felt especially hard to watch the love of his life breath through a machine and remain so terrifyingly still.

On his way out the door, Wayne had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him in for a hug, ever so quietly mumbling, "A love like yous had just doesn't die kid, it's still in there somewhere. It's still in him."

The words shattered Steve's heart even further. Though he wished they were true, there was no way of actually knowing. It was luck in the first place to find someone as incredible as Eddie to love him. He didn't know if he could get that lucky again. 

Steve squeezed a little tighter and turned to leave, standing in the doorway, willing himself the confidence to not turn around 

"Wayne," he whispered, not moving his attention from the hall he was now facing, the old man turned, tears in his eyes, looking back at Steve, "everything should be there for today," Steve struggled to speak, tears in his eyes and pain in his throat as he turned and pointed at the pile of belongings next to Eddie's bed, "just maybe… fuck, " he huffed quietly, "I don't think he should read the journal, that might freak him out, maybe hide it for now."

Wayne nodded once in response, moving to squeeze Steve's arm as he quietly spoke, "I love ya son."

And if that didn't break Steve's heart even more.

—

The days had dragged into each other.

Wayne would call each evening when he got home from visiting Eddie; updating Steve on his condition. His mental health never being the topic of improvement unfortunately, but at least Steve knew he was doing better otherwise. His days were filled with worry and dread that he hadn't been able to visit since the morning Eddie woke up. Maybe he'd poke his head in when visiting Max, but it wasn't like he could go visit the guy as Dustin's friend alongside the curly haired pipsqueak because, like mentioned before, Eddie didn't remember the last year of his life. 

That included the kids too.

Dustin was just as heartbroken as Steve, but it's not like Steve could show it, not in the way he felt really, he could mourn the loss as a friend but that's it. He and Eddie hadn't told anyone about their relationship, save Wayne, and he wasn't going to make it his business outing Eddie.

Mornings and nights Steve liked to think were the hardest, waking up and falling asleep alone, the absence of Eddie felt the richest then. But that's not to say every other waking minute was less difficult. Fuck, everything was difficult.

Brushing his teeth in the morning because he can picture Eddie behind him and the phantom feeling of a tattooed arm around his waist.

Doing laundry because he can still hear the whispers of Eddie's voice singing some made up song to him

Grocery shopping because he can hear Eddie's laugh and picture him on the end of the cart, weighing it down but with the biggest smile on his face as he throws some type of junk food in with their haul

Working at Family Video because there's no call coming through over his lunch break, no "Well hello there Stevie" or "Hey Baby" or a sing-songed "I love you Steve Harrington," on the other end of the line when he does pick up a call.

There's no Eddie bursting through his front door to tackle him into the couch and pepper him with kisses when he's just gotten home from work. 

There's no Eddie pulling him into his arms after a bout of night terrors, pressing kisses to his head with whispered words of praise 

There's no Eddie. Not for him anyways.

Some days Steve would join Wayne for supper or breakfast, depending on the man's work schedule.

At least he had Wayne.

At least Wayne cared and loved him.

At least Wayne still had Eddie.

Their time spent together would sometimes be in silence, occasionally accompanied by the local news or hum of the radio. Sometimes Wayne would pull Steve through the door and drag him out to go fishing or to a ball game in the city. Sometimes Steve was too late or too early to meet Wayne, so on those days he'd let himself in and find comfort in Eddie's bed with a book in hand, tears often times blurring the words past the point of recognition, before soon the exhaustion of grief would take over and lull Steve to sleep.

Many times did Wayne come home to find Steve curled up in Eddie's bed, tears staining the pillow in his tight grasp, book still held in hand as he quietly snored against the cotton fabric. It was common enough that Wayne didn't bat an eye, simply covering Steve with a blanket, setting an alarm for the morning in case the kid had to work the next day and shutting off the lights after gently ruffling his hair.

It was hard and lonely and some days debilitating.

Steve sometimes thought if Eddie was dead it'd be easier. He'd have at least loved Steve and would have at least loved him until the end. But everytime that thought occurs he hates himself a little more.

He didn't know what to do, it's not like he could barge into the hospital room and tell Eddie everything. How they fell in love, how the world nearly ended, how Steve carried him through the literal gates of hell and held his hand until the second he woke up. 

He couldn't. Could he?

No

But that's not to say Steve didn't try to come up with some type of a plan.

---

Sorry for the tears. This baby's on Ao3, hoping to update weekly

[petra-realsnk]

Rivetra fanfic (divergence au)

Hi guys! Here’s the third chapter of Digging up a grave. As I’ve said before, this and the next one were meant to be the same, but the end result was quite long, so I’ve decided to split it. I’ll post the fourth today as well. I hope you enjoy! 

Warnings: sadness, mourning. 

You can also read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29610360/chapters/73198356

Digging up a grave (Chapter 3) 

Two weeks after being resurrected, Petra tries to cope with the loss of her teammates, while also adjusting to her new life. Just as he promised, Levi will accompany her to visit her father,  who now thinks her daughter pretended to be dead for a secret mission. During lunch, he brings up the subject of that letter…

Between lines

Two weeks have passed since Petra returned. Thenceforth, she had come under the protection of the army, having to put aside her former duties as a soldier until they could find some answers. Nevertheless, she had insisted on making herself useful, and had been helping with the maintenance of the barracks. After all, she was one of the few people capable of meeting the captain's standards of cleanliness… 

Petra had had time to mourn her companions, and to let the missed events sink on her. Many mornings she woke up with red eyes and a puffy face, ignoring the sour looks of the recruits who suspected her. Some of them had learned her story, and couldn't help but wonder, after losing many friends, why she had been allowed to return. Something she has been wondering as well…

Most soldiers were incredibly busy at that time, having to give many explanations after the truth of their world had been unveiled, so she found herself alone in most of the rooms, except for a couple guards that followed her around. As she worked, her mind wandered to other dark corners. Every little task made her think of her squad, who were no longer there to help nor bother. All those things they had done in company, she did now alone.

Levi had also found himself doing things on his own since that day. He stopped drinking tea for a while after the blow, to eventually go back to making it for himself. Accustomed to his solitude, he felt surprised to find Petra in the kitchen reaching for the kettle at dawn. He'd been acting on automatic that morning, and had to remind himself again that she was there, the same way he'd spent months waking up to tell himself otherwise. He was glad to see that she was better. They hadn’t seen each other since their talk in the dungeons, which now seemed so ethereal in his memory. 

“Good morning there.” His words made Petra wince, for her mind had been somewhere else. 

She was kneeling in front of the low cabinets, and returned his salute without hardly looking at him. It was obvious that she had been sleeping little and crying a lot. She had always been very receptive to her surroundings, but now her figure gave off an air of decay. 

“I can do it myself”, he told her. Levi didn’t want to stick his nose in her business, plus surprising someone in their emotions always made him feel awkward. 

"Don't worry it's fine. I'll bring it to you in a minute." She recollected herself quickly. 

Levi watched her silently, as he approached to help her pick things up. 

“Would you have a cup with me?” He asked, appreciating the moment he believed he could never live again.

“Sure.” She replied sweetly, slowly coming back from her saddened mind. 

They drank their tea in an awkward silence, but Petra knew it was better that way, for he hated small talk even more. 

“I'm sorry you had to be doing this alone.” She suddenly told him.  “I’ve been doing everything alone myself lately… It sucks.” 

She hadn’t realized how much she needed to talk with someone until that moment, and she really wanted it to be him on the other side. 

“I still carry them on everything I do. That’s one way to deal with it.” He told her, knowing perfectly well what she was going through. His words brought some warmth to her, as she decided to follow his example once more. 

“Captain. I’ve been locked in here for days, and I can barely take it like this. I need to do something else.” 

“I’ve already told you what’s your position right now. Stop asking.” He needed to cut her off. Fighting or not, she was still a soldier under his command, and he couldn’t have her breaking down. 

“Can I see my father then?” She asked, slightly defiant. 

In normal circumstances, he would’ve grabbed her by the collar for that, but he had a soft spot for her, plus she couldn’t be blamed for whatever mindfuckery she was going through after everything. 

“If you’re ready by mid day, I’ll ask Hange.” 

After hearing his reply, she felt wrong for reacting like that. She didn't know what was going on with her, but there was something different... She was having a hard time keeping herself together. 

“I’m sorry for… I’ll be ready by then.” She replied. Then, without losing a second, she got up and went to her dorm. Levi watched her leave, without knowing how to help her. She even had problems vocabulazing herself... 

Petra tried to sleep for a couple more hours before showering and getting ready to go home. She felt joyful for for the first time in days, thinking that she might be able to take a piece of her previous life back for at least a few hours, plus Levi would be accompanying her, wasn’t this everything she had wished for before?

Once she came out of the shower, someone knocked her door. She covered herself quickly and went to open. Petra was surprised to find it was Levi, who seemed to be already dressed up for the occasion. He wore a formal but simple black suit, with his characteristic white shirt and neckerchief. 

“Oh! Hello, captain, isn’t it a little bit early?” 

“I’ve brought you this. We gave all your stuff back to your father, and it will be suspicious for you to not have any street clothes of your own. “ 

He handed her a paper bag that contained a dress quite similar to those she always used to wear when off duty. Petra had picked his clothes back then a couple times, but she was surprised to see him nail her style that nicely. “He really has an eye for detail”, she thought. 

“There’s also a letter with some scheme Hange and I came with, you should memorize it.” He felt bad for having to ask her to lie to his poor father, but she seemed too entertained with that dress to care. 

“Oh! I’ll take a look at this”, she said, taking the envelope, “though I must advise you, it’s better to keep quiet in front of him. He’s too good at reading between the lines…” She always sounded more cheerful whenever she talked about him.  

Levi’s mind couldn't help but to remember the first time he approached him. “I wanted to discuss something with you before she sees me”, he had told him, “she said she wanted to devote herself to you, even though that’s her pride talking… as her father-” 

“Thank you, Captain Levi. I’ll be ready as soon as possible.” Her words brought him back from that flashback as she closed the door in front of him. This time she seemed more excited, and her mood had improved quite a lot from that talk they had in the morning. Levi went back to work, still thinking about what her father could have read between the lines of that letter.

                                                   xxxxxxxx

About an hour later, Levi was standing on the same spot. Petra’s door opened before he could even knock, and she stepped outside to meet him. She looked much more fresh after gaining some sleep, and the femenine cut of her dress did wonders to her figure. For some, it would’ve been hard to envision such a “girly girl”  as one of the fiercest soldiers the legion has ever had. For some others, that contrast was exactly what made her seem so versatile and fascinating, Levi within them. It’s important to remark that it wasn’t just a matter of appearance, as her personality could easily meet both extremes as well. 

They started walking together, and left the building using a discrete back entrance, to get as little attention as possible. Underneath, a carriage was waiting for them. 

“We have communicated your return beforehand to him, we don’t want your dad to have a heart attack before you’re even able to talk. Have you memorized our version of events?” Levi asked about halfway through their journey.

Petra nodded. “It’s quite hard to believe, but I guess the truth it’s even less believable.” 

They didn’t want the enemy to find out that easily that they had found the lost titan, so they wouldn’t leak the true information outside some trusted circles of the army. They have told the rest that Petra had gone undercover in a mission they could not disclassify yet, and that they had used the death of Levi’s squad to erase her as well. In order to protect her and her father, they had had to lie to him as well. They also included some minor details in order to make it more believable, although it was advised to not give much away. It wasn’t difficult to let it slip, considering that most of the soldiers who had seen her body back then were trusted individuals or already dead… 

They both stared at their scripts as they made their way through the fields. Soon enough, Petra got distracted by the familiar view of her land. Her father had a small farm he used for his own supply and some sales. Levi watched as her face brightened, finally kissed by the outside sun. She suddenly turned to look at him with a big smile and said:

“I’m glad to be coming back, and I’m really happy that you’re joining me, captain.” 

Levi couldn’t have imagined how much she had dreamed of introducing him to her father, or inviting him to dinner back then, but he thought it was kind of sweet for her to say that. 

She kept looking outside the window with a tender smile. Although the sky was gray, the field looked incredibly green, and a couple of houses could be seen in the distance. She had walked that road so many times… At one side of it, Petra’s house started to appear on the horizon, and she saw the figure of a man running towards them. Levi quickly catched the change in her expression, but it was too late. Petra opened the door of the carriage and jumped out while it was still moving. 

“OI, PETRA!” He screamed as he jumped behind her. 

When he hit the ground, he saw her running towards his father, who was already starting to lose his breath. He stayed still next to the carriage that had already stopped by then, and told the driver to leave. From afar, Levi saw Petra hug her father who seemed just as nervous as the first time he saw him. He started walking slowly towards them, noticing that they were both crying. He decided to remain just as far enough to listen without interrupting. 

“My girl! my girl I can’t believe it… You don’t know it, everyday… everyday I’ve missed you so much!” He batherly could keep himself standing between his daughter’s arms as he cried inconsolably. 

“I’m so so sorry papa, but you couldn’t know… I couldn’t let anything happen to you. I am so sorry. I am fine…” 

Levi felt displaced as he watched them. It was obvious that the two had a bond he had never been able to experience. 

“Look papa, I’ve come with captain Levi, he’s in charge of my safety for the day… He offered himself to bring me home.” 

“Ah… Hello, captain… I remember him from that time yeah…” He had just realized Levi was there, and tried his best to welcome him despite being a mess of emotions. 

“Hi.” Levi answered, visibly uncomfortable. He had always been awkward, but this time he really didn’t know how to react. When Petra died, he couldn’t mutter a single word while he tried to speak with him, it was someone else who had told him… All of these things he didn’t talk with Petra, who looked at him rather surprised to learn that they’ve met before. 

“Ah… I- I didn’t know that!” She was unable to lie, but tried to seem chill about it, because she knew that her father was… well… prone to embarrass her, even when he bore the best of wills. 

“I’ve been waiting for you since morning! I didn’t have much at home but I told the people of the village you were coming and they brought a lot of stuff! Oh Petra, they’re all crazy to see you…”

Petra's nerves shot up. “Dad! You weren’t supposed to tell anyone.” She looked at Levi fearing for his reaction. 

“I- ugh… Yeah, but when they asked what happened, when they saw me… I couldn’t- ”

“Unbelievable. We’ll let this pass for now, but you need to understand you’re endangering her by revealing her location.” Levi cut him. 

Petra’s father was visibly affected by his words.

“Don’t worry captain, I’m sure that If he talks with the people around here, they won’t say a word. These are all trustworthy people, and there aren’t much of us.” Petra tried to reassure him. 

“You’re right! I will ask them as soon as possible, if your captain is okay…”

“Fine.” Levi said in defeat. There wasn’t much he could do given the situation. 

“Please, come inside home!” He said without letting go of his daughter. “You too, captain Levi, I’ve been told about your mannerisms, and I can assure you that the house is spotless!” 

Levi was surprised to find out how much information Petra had been delivering to her father, while her face started to burn bright red.

“Papa! Please, don’t say those things. I am sorry captain!” They turned around and started walking towards their place, as Petra keeped to reprimand her father in a lowerer tone for his comment. 

The little farm was surely adorable, a place someone would imagine Petra coming from. The interior received a good amount of natural light, and as soon as they entered, a table full of food awaited for them. Levi kept following them a couple steps behind. 

“Oh, kids, you better not do this to me never again… I’m already old, and you’ve managed to take more years of my life.” He said as he started to serve the table. “Please sit.” 

“There’s no need papa, let me help you.” Petra said as she rushed into the kitchen. 

Levi, once again, sat there feeling awkward. These kinds of reunions weren’t his thing at all, although it was nice to see them together once more. After bringing everything that was missing, they started to eat. Petra and his father talked effusively about whom in the village had brought each thing. As they conversated, Levi started to see how Petra slowly shifted into her more natural version. She sounded more youthful and sassy… The same version of her he always saw from afar whenever she was with her teammates. He thought it was nice to experience her like this, from up close, when she’s unbothered by his presence.

“Ah… excuse my manners, Levi.” Started Petra’s father after realizing they were alienating him. “I don’t think I’ve told you before, but my name is Elias.” 

Levi still didn’t know how to include himself in the conversation, even after being addressed directly.

“Nice to meet you… I’m Levi Ackerman, although you seem to know a great deal about me already....” 

Petra blushed at his remark, but she also was shocked to learn about that surname. It was the first time he gave away something like that. 

“Oh! I thought you had another surname… Where are you from, Levi?” 

“Papa, he doesn’t really like to talk about him. How about you better update me on that bet you made with uncle Ben?” Petra tried to help Levi there, but he didn’t care. 

“I used to live underground. I didn’t have much left there when I joined the Survey Corps by petition of the previous commander.” 

Petra’s eyes widened, she had never seen him talk about his past, and was moved to finally learn something about him. It was obvious that he felt he had some kind of debt with them, why else would he feel the need to answer?

“I see… It must have been hard for you. Although I am glad you found your way out and became Petra’s leader.  From what she says… well… I think everyone at this point, your abilities are truly amazing, and you must be an exceptional leader if you’ve been able to inspire my girl like that.” 

Petra felt her face burning again. “Dad, could you please don’t bring me up like that?…” 

“Oh! But com’on, after that last letter you sent me, you left me truly worried. I even felt the need to discuss it with him…” 

Petra’s blood fell into her feet, he had done what?

 “Dad, have you actually...?” She asked him, terrified of his answer. 

“Ah, yes… I’m sorry, Petra. I just wanted him to know, so you wouldn’t get hurt. You see... captain, that time I was concerned about her “devotion” to you.” 

Levi began to feel uncomfortable once more, as he started to become the total center of the conversation. 

“DAD.” Petra looked at him horrified, her face completely red. “I‘ve already told you one hundred times, I wanted to devote myself to humankind. That was my dream.” She continued, trying to downplay it. 

“And you did! You even were chosen for his squad and that... mission… But you have to admit there was very little “humanity” and a lot of “Levi” in there… Well, there always was” Elias said, progressively lowering his tone. 

Petra thought she was going to literally die, as Levi remained quiet on the other side of the table. She needed to find a way out of that conversation as soon as possible, but her father was, once again, faster. 

“I didn’t want to lose you. That 's all… Ever since you joined the Survey Corps... You know how high the mortality is there. I always knew you were strong Petra, but I also wanted you to get a chance in life. Something, more… I prayed for you to come back every time. But suddenly, you started to talk about him. At the beginning it was a character more in the stories of your letters, but suddenly, he dragged you. All you wanted to do was to serve by his side, you were willing to die for him, and for a long time, Petra, I thought you did.” 

Levi’s stoic expression began to crack. 

“You’re my only child. The absolute light of my life, and I had to live with the thought of you being eaten alive every day. I wanted for you to get through that to then come home, and to finally be able to put it to rest. I never wanted to pressure you to lead a life you didn't want... But one day, you found out there your reason to live, and to die, and I couldn’t do anything... The way you talked about him… I knew you weren’t coming back.” 

Petra’s eyes softened, visibly moved by her father’s words. She knew it must have been hard for him to endure, and, after all, he had guessed her feelings perfectly… At the same time, Levi was thinking back again about that day, when Elias approached him for the first time. 

He had always known Petra to be kind, so he didn’t feel that he was an exception. He thought that she probably was able to read people’s feelings, and wanted to show them her understanding, just as she had done for so many comrades. It wasn't until that talk that he dared to think, for the first time, that she had loved him. With the passage of time, he started to think that pain had played a trick on him back then, and that it had only been the words of a concerned father, but now his suspicions resurrected.

“Back then…” Levi started. “Were you going to ask me to marry her?”

Petra turned his head violently towards her captain, who was now directly looking at her father. Elias lowered his gaze, not wanting to embarrass his daughter any further. Petra then got up, visibly frustrated at the two of them. 

“I’m going to say this only once, so you both listen to me carefully.” She said with a fiery look on her eyes. “My personal feelings are not of your concern, you listen? I’m not letting an intimate confession come in the way of all my work, and my sacrifice.” 

That last remark tingled Levi’s senses, he knew that was for him. 

“Everything I did, I did as a soldier, as a companion, and as a friend. Nothing more. I don’t need for you to take responsibility for how I feel. If I want to believe in someone, then I will, and If I want to marry them, I can ask them myself.” 

Both men sat in silence, as Petra took complete control over that conversation. Her words sounded strong and disciplined, once again demonstrating the incredible determination that she possessed, even when she was in such a vulnerable moment. Levi knew perfectly well that she was capable of taking charge of her feelings, after all, that had been one of the reasons he chose her in the first place.

“Good for me then, Petra.” He told her, respecting her decision to end the matter there. 

“You’re right… Please forgive me.” Said Elias, shortly after. 

“You guys should try this apple pie! Ilse’s sweets are always good.” Petra spoke once again, putting the best face she could to lighten the mood. 

In a short time, the intensity of the atmosphere began to dissipate, leading to something more festive. The three of them struck up simpler conversations as the hours passed. Levi watched them surprisingly relaxed, thinking about how such a gloomy memory could have led to such a funny scene. 

Once finished, Petra insisted on helping her father with some farm work. Levi knew the carriage would be picking them up shortly, but he decided to let it pass. When the driver arrived, he gestured for him to turn around, leaving Petra and Elias to enjoy a few more hours together. Later, he himself would accompany her on foot to the barracks. 

The hours went by as Petra and her father happily shared their tasks. Elias had been the third person who had found himself doing things alone since that day... But right now, they had each other again. Levi decided to help them too, looking from afar the family that would’ve welcomed him.  

[raviliuz]

"Here comes the sun" Blaise Zabini x Theodore Nott

Muggle, retro au

@lifesucksandiwanttobeamarauder I finally translate that fanfiction, I hope you like it 🥺

The dark-skinned boy has tried to sit still from three hours already. It is incredibly hard for him, because of his amazing hyperactivity. In all honesty, sitting here as a model doesn't count to his dreams or favourites activities but he couldn't deny to Theodore's asks.

Just because of that — his bloody weakness for the older boy — he must stick up there and pose to Theodore's new painting. Blaise perfectly knows that person on that work of art won't be even similar to him. But it will be beautiful, perfect as everything that has been made by gifted hands of Theodore Nott.

There's music, playing quietly at the background, played on a gramophone, restored by Blaise himself. He gifted it to his friend as a birthday present two years ago on an incredibly warm and short night, 22th of June.

He has so many memories with that slight, passionate boy.

"Theo," he says suddenly, breaking the silence. He sounds like a dissatisfied kitten and when he doesn't notice any reaction, he repeats meowing "Theo, I'm bored."

The other boy finally pays his attention to Blaise, not his reflection on painting, which is created on a canvas (too small in Theo's opinion).

"Blaise, you really can't stand it for a while more?" Theodore asks and there is a nuance of desperation and melancholy in his voice, "I want to end it."

And Blaise has already known, he loses again. He won't be able to deny his friend the pleasure that results from looking at the painting — finished, after hours of working.

"I'll stand it, Theo" he sighs and in his mind adds 'always for you'. At this moment all he can do is begging and praying that Theodore is not able to read minds, just like some characters in their favourites comics.

"Nah, Blaise" slight boy says suddenly and leaves his paint palette and set of brushes on the cupboard, promising himself that he will wash it carefully within a few minutes when paints won't be already dry "I know you don't want to."

"It's not like that" Zabini starts to explaining himself chaotically because he doesn't want hurt Theodore's feelings, "I love watching your painting and you while you're painting. And I love that you have a passion and you're so talented. I just... It's May Day and we are sitting in your room..."

"It's alright, Blaise" Theodore interrupts his with the most beautiful, in Zabini's opinion, smile — that carefree, happy and only a little faraway one.

"We should do something and bring Hope with us to take many photos and place them in our albums with dumb yet cute captions" Theo proposes with a light laugh.

The younger, but taller, better built and more mature, of boys, stands up and brushes off invisible pollen from clothes. He reaches his hand to Theodore to help him stand up.

"Wanna go?" he proposes and even if Theo doesn't know where he agrees without a single question.

It doesn't matter where they go, it will be awesome as always if Blaise is with him.

He catches Hope and puts it on his neck. Theo loves his polaroid camera with whole his heart, even if it isn't the newest and all the better photos were made by Blaise.

Blaise is still holding Theodore's hand in his (definitely larger and rougher), like he doesn't care about rubs of paints in many different colours on Theo's hand and now, also on Blaise's one.

He pulls his friends outside and enters the garage like he is in his own house. Theodore knows what he means without words and grabs his bicycle with a big smile on his slim face.

Meanwhile, Blaise grabs his skateboard, which, only in the form of rebellion against sentiment, he did not give a name. But he perfectly knows that by his skateboard, people could see a different side of his personality, which he doesn't show often — bloody sentimentalist who loves very clichéd books or movies and constantly remembering beautiful moments, and it doesn't matter if that happens a year ago or two hours ago.

The skateboard has its best years far behind its. The picture which was printed on the underside of 'his love' (although, of course, incomparable to that of the boy just standing next to him) has almost completely faded and crumbled, peeling paint seems not so good, to put it mildly, but in Blaise's opinion, it adds the special character and charm to his skateboard. Every scratch and every cooked screw tell a story and Blaise thinks it definitely better than new skateboard — probably glamorous but without its own character.

Blaise isn't similar to Theo, not it that topic. He has never had boxes filled with various craps, which refer to many different events and happenings. He doesn't have special notebooks with tickets, a diary or millions of notes with quick sketches, created under the influence of a sudden flow of wen. He doesn't keep every notes and message on scraps of papers, which have been hand down on lessons, in hope that the teacher wouldn't see that. In first, even having a photo album was strange for Blaise. It shows, that he likes looking back at past and that feeling, which sometimes accompanies you right before falling asleep, when you remind yourself one of those pleasant situations from childhood, isn't foreign for him. It was all he was trying to defend himself against, but only for a time.

For a time when on his way stood that quite frail and nerdy boy. Theodore showed him being sentiment isn't something bad just as singing songs out loud in public places. As compensation, Blaise showed him the magic of comics and all these beautiful, charming in their area, which he discovered while taking a walk daily. Blaise pulled Theodore out of his room and dragged him away from the easel to lead him everywhere he can.

"To our place?" Theodore asks and gets on his a little too small, colourful bike. The seat creaks quietly under his mass but none of the boys pays any attention to this.

"Exactly, now ride, my carriage" Blaise screams and catches up on Theo's seat so the movement of the bicycle can drag him.

"Pff, flax" Nott giggles and Blaise find it as the most sonorous, melodic sound in the whole world.

They ride slowly through all that musty hole, also known as Torquay, or — their home. The road even if it's really old and it remembers when they as children drew chalk on a street, is not in a bad condition. A worse fate befell the road signs — some of them are smeared with sprays, and some are knocked off the ground, due to a car accident or a group of probably drunk but still strong young people.

There are many houses near the road. They are quite poor and definitely not as modern as houses in the capital. At some time, before he started taking daily walks, Blaise dreamed about living in London. Or rather, to be able to tell others that he lives in London. It's another thing which distinguishes him from Theodore — the older boy sees beauty everywhere, in everything and in everybody. Blaise envied him with this skill, for him the world has been boring or just ugly and people have been cruel sometimes.

The sun is warming their backs when they slowly ride on a well-known path. They pass Mrs Shermik, so out of courtesy from four meters away from her, they shout to the old woman joyful 'Good morning'. As they turn into a lane, which is fortunately dry as it hasn't rained much lately, Theo starts humming under his breath.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad" he looks at his friend (nearly losing control of his bike) and Blaise quickly understands what he means.

Blaise joins to his singing and adds next line:

"Take a sad song and make it better".

Someday Blaise would have worried. He was worried about what people would think, he was afraid someone would hear them. But not now. Now he doesn't care when the words flowing from the depths of memory, and when the song ends, he starts another, definitely his favourite — "Blackbird". Neither of the boys has a perfect voice, singing is definitely not their hidden talent, but that doesn't matter. And that is wonderful, isn't it?

Here Blaise can no longer skate further — the ground is too uneven, even ploughed by the tires of wheelbarrows and carts of people from the neighbouring village. The dark-skinned man rejects Theo's offer to simply get his bike's rack and chooses to run next to the boy. The basketball team and two trainings a week are finally coming in handy — thanks to this, his condition is really good and he doesn't gasp like an old man with asthma after twenty meters run. Theodore, noticing how well his best friend is doing, accelerates, forcing Zabini to run, which he accepts with a groan. Nevertheless, he catches up with the older boy and promises himself that as soon as they get there, he will get his revenge.

After five more minutes, they are a destination of their travel. The place they describe as "their", although they are well aware that they are not the only people who come here, is exactly as they remember it — beautiful.

It was Blaise who discovered them during one of his walks over three years ago. He perfectly remembered how it happened.

That day he was trying to find a rather fast but shallow brook, which he remembered from his childhood. Before Draco's move to London, they told Draco's parents that they were going to the field, but in fact, they went to the brook and walked back and forth on a tree that had fallen over the river. He remembered just as well how Draco's mother, on her way to the store, noticed they were not on the field, prompting a search. When their parents found them by the brook — wet but in unusually good moods, they were already too worried to be upset with them.

After searching for more than an hour (during which he definitely fulfilled the daily, maybe even a week, step norm, but he didn't care) he found a place from his memories, although it was difficult to recognize its. The brook had dried up completely, leaving only a faint riverbed and tree roots washed out of the ground, but the place has definitely retained its charm.

Theo drops the bicycle, leaning it hurriedly against one of the roots, and lays down on the grass, staring at the almost cloudless sky, hidden only by tree branches. Blaise, slightly out of breath, rests his hands on his knees and stays like this for a moment. When his breath normalized he comes closer to Theodore. There is a snap and a Polaroid camera gracefully named Hope spits out a photo in which the image hasn't shown up yet. Theo enthusiastically grabs a small piece of paper and starts waving it so fast that it is about to reach orbital velocity. After a while, the picture clears up the silhouette of a younger boy, who was about to lie down next to his friend. Blaise looks at the photo and asks smiling, even though he already knows the answer:

"For your or my album?"

"Of course mine," Theodore replies quickly, grinning happily, "Why do you need your own photos? They will be much more useful to me."

The dark-skinned boy can't help but messes Theodore's hair in one move of his hand. However, Theo is not annoyed by that, he reacts to it like a cat, moving closer and silently demanding further caresses, which the younger one does willingly.

They are sitting like that (or rather, Blaise is sitting and Theo's half lying on him) till the sunset. There is a flower crown on Blaise's head, made by Theo with field flowers collected by him. And of course, Theodore took a photo of Blaise in his work of art.

It's getting dark. Butterflies, which were flying around them flew away and gave way for beautiful moths and fireflies. Theodore stands up energetically and starts jumping on protruding trees' roots, chasing insects to take a photo of them.

"Theo, please be careful," Blaise says attentively but the only response is 'don't worry' screamed by Nott.

Blaise unwillingly starts remembering his childhood. Times, when he wasn't Theodore's friend and all that connected them, was the same neighbourhood, chalk and short-term relationship of their parents. Then they found that as a stupid and loathsome. Nowadays, at their seventeen's, just as weird. But they weren't friends. After all, Blaise was friends with Draco and the teacher in primary had repeated that it's better to have fewer friends but true friends. So Blaise fraternizes with Malfoy till he moved to London.

It's not that now Blaise finds it as a mistake or holds any grudge with Draco. But nowadays he thinks that it is not good to withdraw from others.

When Draco had left and moved to London, Blaise had thought they now he stayed alone but on that moment, Theodore slowly crept into his life. Nott sat next to Blaise on school basketball pitch and started reminding happy moments from times when Draco lived in Torquey.

And later he showed his painting to Blaise and dark-skinned boy couldn't believe someone his age could do something that beautiful. A week later Blaise sat down with him in the canteen and sometime later also on most of the lessons so he could distract him from learning to read their favourites comics.

Now, Blaise would imagine his life without his always laughing and only sometimes a little faraway friend.

His thoughts are interrupted by a quiet scream.

"Ouch!"

Blaise, worried, stands up imminently and run through Theo. He is curled up in a fetal position between roods of the biggest tree. Zabini hugs him tightly and Theodore accepts that willing, cuddling to his chest while holds back tears.

"Ah, Theo" Blaise whispers, still cuddling the boy in his arms, "I asked you to be careful."

"I'm sorry, Blaise" he answers, sniffing.

"Don't apologize to me, silly" Blaise couldn't stop himself from nuzzling his friend's cheek.

"But you are worrying now and you warned me that I might get hurt..."

"Shhhh" Zabini interrupts him and places his fingers on Theo's mouth to shushes him "I always worrying about you, no matter if you get hurt or not" he admits truthfully and after a few seconds of silence adds "Please, stop crying.

He stops hugging Theodore, although he wants to do it forever. Blaise squats in from of him and gently grabs his friend's head. He wipes away tears, flowing slowly on fairy (although all that time, spends under the sunlight) skin.

He wants to not cry because of sadness or pain, wants him not to have reasons for a cry.

He wants him to be always happy, even if that meant that Blaise wouldn't be on his side.

Wants, wants, wants.

But the world isn't always beautiful, even if Theodore thinks so. Sometimes the world is cruel, ugly or just totally boring. The same about people who live in it.

Do it's really important to find your refuge. A place, a person or a hobby, which will be like an escape from all evils in that world.

Blaise thought that his escape is comics. Reading them has dragged him into the world of superheroes where he could use his imagination and think about meaningless things for hours such as what superpower would he choose (flying, of course). Besides that, the world in comics is just easier. It isn't hard to differentiate who is good and who's bad. Good people fight with bad people, that's all. The Justice League cares about Gotham and saves innocent people from Joker, Deadshot or Darkseid. In the real world, it would be an unsolvable matter with billions different threads and complications so even the best detectives wouldn't be able to decide who is guilty.

Comics world is just easier.

Lately, Blaise has got to understand that the whole beauty in that world is locked in its confusions, problems and ambiguities. Because the world is beautiful, even if sometimes it's cruel or ugly.

And the one who made him understand that is his only real refuge — Theodore Nott.

He is the one who makes reading comics even better.

He is the one with who Blaise could do anything and it would be incredibly good.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to talk about 'good old times' and makes new memories to remember.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to stay forever.

Theodore Nott is the one who Blaise bestow that hot and unique feeling which, no matter what since says, comes from the heart.

And that feeling, now makes him do something, he has been dreaming about for that long. Blaise gently and unsurely grabs the head of the person, who since a year isn't only a friend for him. He delicately raises Theo's head a bit upper to look him straight into his eyes. Their lips touch slowly and gently. Both of them don't feel so confident with what's going on but they will worry about that later. Now, Blaise doesn't have the time and desire to thinks about the consequences. Not now, when he feels the structure of soft lips of his love.

When the dark-skinned boy doesn't notice any objections from the older boy, he let himself do a light, carefully move with his lips. He doesn't want to scared Theodore, knowing how delicate and artsy person he is. He would ever forgive himself hurting Theo.

If he only knew how long Theodore was waiting for it and how much he enjoys that kiss, even if Blaise's lips are rough and chapped.

Blaise gently moves away and hangs his head down, looking at too long grass. He's afraid of seeing Theodore's reaction for what he has done because he's afraid of rejection and ending that important relationship.

However, Theo, likes he doesn't see his friend insecure, giggles lightly and grabs the younger boy cheeks, turning his face to him.

"Oh, finally. How long might I wait?" Theo says with a delightful smile.

"Really. You... Me..." Blaise mutters like he doesn't know what he wants to say.

"Yeah, silly" Theo chucked and hits an end of Blaise's nose with his "You're definitely my favourite person in that universe. And every other, alternative universe too."

Blaise, still can't believe what's happening, hugs his boy and kisses him quickly. The kiss is one hundred per cent cute and totally not sultry. Because feelings as sultry and desire don't fit Theodore, even in an alternative universe where Bruce Wayne become the Devastator instead of Batman. It just does not fit.

"Yeah, and you're my fav person."

They sit in silence for a while, but it's nothing wrong. The silent can be calming and comfortable, it can say more than every word in the world.

The air is getting cooler and owls' chirps become more ominous, so finally, Blaise breaks the silence and says:

"Theo" mentioned boy turns to him and glance at Zabini, "Is your knee still hurting?"

"It's not that bad" Theo shrugs but Blaise quickly understands that it's not good either, "But can you ride the bicycle? I'll drive on its carrier."

"But what with my skateboard?" Blaise asks inconvenience.

"I'll carry it, please" Zabini's only answer is a sigh but not the irritated one. He doesn't know what would Theo had to do to irritate him.

"Alright, but please, be careful."

Blaise raises Theo's bicycle from the ground and helps the boy to climb up to the luggage carrier and then he carefully sits on its seat. Theodore holds Blaise's skateboard (which he has named against his will — Faith) with one hand and the other one is embraced around Blaise's stomach so Theo can stably stay on the carrier. Well, maybe not only because of that.

"To me?" Blaise proposes and slowly leaves their place.

Theodore automatically nods but then he understands that Blaise can't see him so he quickly says 'yes' some times.

Boys are leaving, slowly and without unnecessary haste, but that moment is different than every previous one, they have spent here. Now, they're leaving their place not as just friends.

From Theodore Nott's album:

"4th of May, 1984 —

My favourite day to remember"

[ramblingaboutthings]

Hard | Draco Malfoy

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Word count: 3.5 kkkkkk LIKE WHAT?

Summary: here

A/n: this contains swear words, blood and a lot of mistakes, but I got so excited and got too carried away. I warn you, I changed A LOT of things and I'm kind of not sorry for that.

Also TUMBLR HERE decided to delete my draft and I had to correct it again so sorry if it sucks, it's 00:40 here and I'm going crazy.

It'd been a stressful day, you went to Hogsmeade and someone put some strange spell on a poor girl. No one really knew who did it. But everyone was getting strange vibes from it.

So he created some kind of project, once a month a student from each house was selected to move temporarily into another house, to avoid internal conflicts.

That night, was a special one for Hogwarts.

Dumbledore wanted the school to be united, every house had to say goodbye to rivalries.

And that day was one of those times, Dumbledore was going to announce who the lucky students were.

You at dinner, in the great hall, with your Hufflepuff friends.

"Hey Black, are you okay?" One of them asked, noticing you spacing out and only earning a death glare, as a response from you.

Those days, you'd been in a bad mood and the fact that your dad's died not so long before didn't help at all, he was everything she had.

And now he was gone, leaving his only child alone.

Sirius Black didn't even know he had a daughter until his high school girlfriend showed up at the Potter's door one night with a little girl in her arms, the love of Sirius' life, before disappearing.

He later discovered he wasn't your real father but he still loved you like he was. Then we all know what happened next.

He'd raised you until he was accused of homicide and taken to Azkaban.

You only got to see him for two years, after he escaped the prison.

And after they finally got to be in each other's lives again, Harry came up to her, one night, and told you he was dead. You were angry, sad, frustrated... not even a last goodbye, he was just gone. After that you simply locked yourself up in your room and got out only to go to class.

Until that day.

You hoped you could finally spend your next month away from the Hufflepuffs, they knew too much about you and you needed a fresh start.

They were good friends of course, but you wanted to be free for that whole month.

You glanced over the Gryffindor table to find Harry mirroring your sad look, but Dumbledore coughed to get your attention making you turn around quickly.

"Today, my dear students, if you're lucky enough, you'll be experiencing a new thing, you'll get to know other mentalities, other personalities so please listen here. For the slytherin house, Pansy Parkinson will go to the Gryffindors" a loud mix of groans erupted from the gold and red table, interrupted his speech. But he just ignored it.

"Hermione Granger, we all are aware of your intelligence, so you're staying with the Ravenclaws.

Miss Lovegood, you're staying with the Hufflepuffs" your table cheered, you all loved her.

Your smile faded when you realized, one of the Hufflepuffs was going to be a Slytherin for four whole weeks. And for some reason you knew for sure you were going to be that one.

"Miss Black, all your family comes from Slytherin witches and wizards so I thought you could try and understand what being one of them is really like" you groaned as your suspicion got real, and lowered your head while a dozen of people from the Slytherin table were clapping.

You gazed around your table only to find shocked faces, someone even glared at you.

'Fuck this' you thought before walking toward the Slytherins.

One of them, Deneb was her name, -you recognized her from divination class- called you from the table, and you were more than happy she did, because you two got along just great, and it would've been awkward sitting beside someone you didn't know.

"So, you're the new Slytherin uh? I'm glad it's you Y/n, come on sit down." She invited you.

You glanced around to study everyone's faces but they were like stone, no emotions.

You sat between Den and the most handsome boy you'd ever seen, Draco Malfoy, he'd grown up so much since you'd last seen him. But his signature smirk wasn't plastered on his face as usual, in it's place there was a thin line, his lips sealed in a neutral expression.

"Hey Malfoy" you greeted kindly.

"Shut up half-" he said harshly,interrupting himself trying to insult you.

"He's not been himself lately, usually he's not that bad, you all always judge him, but he's sweet with the people he fancies" Den explained, and you did believe her, because you saw the good in every person and he flooded with kindness. You noticed how his eyes sparkled before a quidditch match, his soft sneaky smiles that grew onto his face whenever he got a spell right. You knew he was a soft boy, he just liked to think that it made him weak so he covered it all up.

As you met his gaze you noticed his bright grey eyes were dark and full of sadness that made you smile softly. Just the fact that he was trying to insult you made you feel sick.

"I'm not sweet" he stated, probably less convincingly than he thought.

"It's okay Draco, I don't want to argue" you clarified. His expression changed for a quick second, before going back to his stone-face self.

He liked that you called him Draco, it made him feel like you liked him for who he was, not Malfoy, not the Slytherin prince, just Draco.

And that was exactly your intention, to make him feel like someone actually cared.

After that little conversation, everyone in the big hall started to leave to go to their dorms.

Some of your house walked right in front of you giving you sad smiles, Harry, Ron and Hermione even gave Draco death stares.

You knew he had been an ass in the past years, you knew he wasn't the nicest when it came to words, but he wasn't what the others said he was.

Or maybe it was your big crush on him speaking for you. Yeah, probably.

"I'm going to sleep. Malfoy? Show her where's our room" she said.

Draco gave her a hint of a smile that almost made you feel uncomfortable.

'No Y/n you're not jealous, stop' you thought.

"Draco, uhm- so you and Den-?" Draco let out a semi-genuine laugh, before you even completed your sentence.

"She's not my girlfriend Y/n, I don't like her, she's like my cousin, she is my father's cousin's daughter, you're probably kind of her relative too" he explained, and you suddenly felt stupid.

"I'm not your cousin Draco, I'm not a real Black, dad- Sirius just gave me his last name" his lips parted slightly at your confession.

"You're not a Black? Y- he adopted you? Like- oh sorry I don't want to make you uncomfortable" he said quickly. A chuckle escaped your lips.

"It's fine, my mom abandoned me, I only know Voldemort killed her and she was a half-blood and so was my real father, who died as well. Professor Lupin was the one who raised me for twelve years, but I've only ever cared about Sirius, he was the best thing in my life even if for a short time. " you confessed, he smiled sadly, his gaze burning on your face.

You didn't know why you trusted him, but for some reason, you did.

"You know, my father uhm- made me do horrible things, but he's family, I don't want to disappoint him" he confessed reluctantly.

Later he'd invited you to his room, he seemed to have loosened up a little bit, while you entered his dorm.

A green and silver scarf was hung on the wall with his last name on it. His bed was perfectly made, no wrinkles, just a smooth green blanket.

To say you were impressed was an understatement.

You smiled at him "so that's why you hide your good part uh?" he nodded.

He just suddenly wrapped his arms around you tightly. You made him feel alive again. He missed the feeling, it was like a deja vu from last year, when you found him crying in a hidden corner when without saying anything, you hugged him, lettinghis speak.

"You're not that bad for an Hufflepuff you know?" He smirked. His first signature smirk of the year, just for you!

"And you're not that bad for a Slytherin either" you laughed.

"I missed physical contact, I-I uhm- it's not very common in the Malfoy manor, to get all cuddly I mean" his chest vibrated with his embarassed laugh that filled your ears as you memorized that beautiful and harmonic sound.

"You're so warm" you said, obviously blushing. Thank you dark night!

"And you're a freezing Hufflepuff" he pulled away much to your dismay and took something out of his wardrobe.

He handed you a green hoodie with a basilisk on the front and the name "Malfoy" on the back.

"I can't accept-"

"It's yours Y/n. Now if you excuse me I have to go somewhere, I'll show you where you're going to sleep" he grabbed your hand, not even realizing it, and took you with him to another corridor, a wooden door with a sign was suddenly in front of us, 'Pansy and Deneb' it read.

You were too zoned out to really comprehend what was going on, but suddenly your hand felt cold, extremely cold. You looked at it, disappointment clearly written all over your face.

"I'm sorry... for you know, taking your hand and everything" he said before walking away, without even waiting for an answer.

You opened the door in front of you and found Den sitting on what you assumed was her bed.

When she spotted you, she smiled.

"Did you do it?" Your cheeks flushed at your not so holy thoughts. You shook your head 'no daydreaming about these things you fucker'

"W-what are y-you talking about?" You asked her with wide eyes.

"Did you kiss Draco?" She asked.

"He's like my cousin Deneb!" You whispered.

"He's not and you know that, so please tell me. Do you like him? " she giggled. You gasped quietly, surprised she knew you weren't a Black.

"I-I want to sleep, uh good night"

"Y/n likes Draco. Y/n likes Draco. Y/n likes Draco!" she chanted.

You ignored her and sneaked into your new very comfortable bed.

Was it that obvious? That you liked Draco.

"All you do is stare at him Y/n " she said like she had read your thoughts or something.

"He's not what he wants the others to believe he is" you explained

"plus he's cute" Deneb completed making you both laugh.

----------------• ☆☆☆☆ •---------------

That morning the atmosphere was extremely strange and tensed, there weren't many students in the Great Hall.

As you approached Harry in your new Slytherin hoodie, Draco's last name properly covered with a scarf. He kind of looked at you in disgust, like he despised you. But you knew he only hated Slytherins in general.

"You look great in green!" Hermione exclaimed happily.

"And you look hella good in blue 'Mione!" You winked.

"Katy said she can't remember anything from Yesterday, but I know it was Draco, I saw him" Harry assumed, your blood began to boil on anger.

"He's not a bad person" you said as calmly as you could.

"Oh you're so blind Y/n" and you were going to spat at him but Draco made his way into the big room, his eyes full of fear and, regret? Was Harry right?

You didn't even have time to answer that question because Draco ran away toward the bathroom.

Harry followed him, and you resisted your instincts for once, all you wanted was rushing after him, she wanted to know who Draco was, who he really was.

You all sat at the same table, including Deneb. It was a nice morning except for the fact that you didn't know where either Harry or Draco went.

"How's being a Slytherin?" Hermione asked snapping you out of your trance.

"It's quite nice, they're not as bad as you think ... and you're just wrong about Draco, he's actually really calm and sweet when he wants to" you explained, a light blush crept onto your face as you did.

"Are you kidding? Malfoy? Sweet? You're crazy" Hermione hissed.

You huffed looking at Deneb for a moment.

"Draco isn't the one you think he is, I'm his cousin, I know what I'm talking about. But his father... he's ruining him, his mother is trying her best but Lucius is just an evil coward" Deneb said, way too calmly.

Ron and Hermione looked at each other before smiling.

"Deneb, is this girl right there intrested in your cousin?" Ron asked, smirking and pointing to you.

"No, she just has a really kind heart" she answered sending you a wink.

You even stopped listening to the conversation. All you could think about was Draco. Where the fuck was he? You swore, if Harry'd done something to him you were gonna kill him slowly,You kind of thought, at that point, that he was just a selfish boy trying to get some attention.

You spaced out for a little while.

Draco's grey eyes popped onto your mind, his smile, his face... but every good thing stopped appearing as soon as you got anxious, you were going crazy right? Harry couldn't hurt him. Could he?

You stormed out of the great hall without even saying anything, you just ran up the stairs, your breath was heavy and it was like your legs got heavier and heavier with every step. But the worst happened when you opened the door of the bathroom.

Draco was laying on the wet floor, he was wincing in pain, his platinum hair sticking on his forehead, his beautiful eyes were closed and some tears were stained on his cheeks.

But even worse was the fact he was covered in blood, his white shirt was now all red and you felt extremely useless.

"Draco, Draco it's me, Y/n" you said before kneeling down beside him.

"Y-Y/n-" then he yelled, that loud your head started to pound slowly.

"Draco, please I'm here, Snape is coming upstairs, I saw him, stay awake" you pleaded as you started to cry, hot tears streaming down your cheeks and landing on your parted lips as you sobbed loudly.

"Y/n? Why a-are you here?" He winced

"You're my friend Draco!" You exclaimed brushing his hair away from his forehead.

"You s-shouldn't b-be- Y/n I-"

"Draco you're not a bad person! Stay with me, please." you implored sobbing loudly and crying, but you didn't care, you only wanted him to live.

"You what Draco? Stay awake please" you sobbed loudly when you noticed the death eaters symbol, that was what he was trying to say, but you didn't give a fuck. You didn't want to lose him, death eater or not, you were falling in love with him.

"I h-hurt people" he whispered weakly

"I-" he opened his eyes for a quick second looking at me but right then they closed again and you realized he'd blacked out, his heart rate fell and he wasn't breathing. That's when realization hit you. He was dead.

Everything that happened soon after went in slow motion, Snape coming in and picking him up from the floor, some people coming in and out of the room, water still flooding the floor. But you were completely still. watching the blood on your hands.

You let out a frustrated scream, when the room was completely empty.

You sat there, sobbing like a little child.

It wasn't like he was the best of your friends, but he somehow understood you, even though you had talked to each others just four or five times in six years of school he listened to you and didn't judge you a single time and you let him die under your watch.

Couldn't you have just gone downstairs and call a professor? You were sad and mostly angry at yourself and at who did that.

"Y/n? What are you doing here?" Hermione asked appearing behind you.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" you yelled, not stopping the tears that now completely made your face wet.

"Y/n what happened?"

"He-he killed him, he's dead. Draco is fucking DEAD!" you shouted angrily, your voice rough.

"Who killed him Y/n?"

"Your fucking best friend Hermione" you hissed sniffling.

"I hate him! " you screamed on top of your lungs.

Hermione hugged you tightly after sitting down beside you.

"You love Malfoy. don't you?"

"H-he's d-ead" your voice trembled as Hermione soothed you tracing circles onto your back.

"I'm sorry Y/n"

"He wasn't that bad you know" you took a long shaky breath but broke down crying again immediately.

"I trust you"

"He didn't want to harm anyone" you groaned in frustration.

She helped you up and put one of your arms around her neck.

Your legs felt numb and as you made your way to your dorm, you felt weaker and weaker.

As you opened the door you launched yourself on the bed, face buried in your pillow.

"What-" Deneb asked.

"Draco- " Hermione stopped to take a long breath. "He died" she explained. You on the other hand just continued to cry uncontrollably.

"Hey Y/n it's oka-"

"Don't you fucking dare say it's okay!" You screamed.

"Y/n listen to me okay? He was a really good person, he'd always been awfully nice to you but now he can rest in peace, without all the terrible things they constantly do to him. He deserves this" you knew she was right but you still refused to stop sobbing.

At some point you did stop, and the other two girls smiled softly when they heard your shaky breath become heavy as you drifted off to sleep.

----------------• ☆☆☆☆ •---------------

The following days had been hell for Y/n, all she did was cry and cry.

Dumbledore often went to console her, and she knew something was up, they didn't even have a funeral for Draco.

Y/n's life had gotten miserable.

You locked yourself up again, professor Mcgonagall said you were in shock because you saw someone die under your eyes, so she even let you skip classes. And you were glad she did.

But that day you had been dragged out of your room by Deneb. Against your will.

"Y/n come to class, at least today, if you don't feel good then you'll be a free elf" you groaned in frustration.

"Why do I have to?"

"Because you need to get some fresh air, so now come with me, we have transfiguration"

When you got to class everyone got silent.

You sat on your new desk as a Slytherin and tried to concentrate but as the professor started the lesson, you grabbed your pen and started sketching on your notebook.

"There are rumors flying around the school. Someone said you and Draco were friends with benefits, some said you were dating but he was using you." None of these were true and Deneb knew that, but she still decided to tell you, after she saw your, almost, scared face.

And even though it wasn't consciously, you soon realized you you were drawing Draco.

At the end of the last clas, in the afternoon, your notebook was filled with drawings of him, really detailed ones, that much that your tears threatened to come out. Again.

You silently made your way to Draco's dorm.

You laid on his bed inhaling his scent, and memorizing it. You'd never see his face again.

You opened your notebook and traced the shape of his head with your finger.

You took out a pen from your pencil case and wrote on the drawing: " hope you're doing good up there ♡" as if he could see it, and after ripping the page you put it on his pillow.

When that night Deneb asked if you wanted to sleep there, you obviously said yes.

That lasted for a few days until, three days later you woke up and didn't find the piece of paper with his face in it.

When you fell asleep on that bed everything bad that happened to you disappeared.

And when you woke up you were actually feeling better.

You panicked, it was your favourite drawing. So you frantically searched under the pillows, under the blanket. But nothing was there.

"I look good in this Y/n/n" you heard a voice and you gasped, at the sound of Draco's familiar voice.

"Wha-"

"Hello, Y/n" Draco suddenly appeared from the shadows. He noticed your puffy eyes and bags under your eyes.

"What are you?! A ghost or something?" You asked widening your eyes.

"I'm Draco, with bones and all" he laughed, even if his eyes were full of fear.

"Is it really you? But you died!" You shot up.

"It's me Y/n/n, Snape knew the spell and healed me, but not entirely so they kept me hidden until they were sure I'd survive." He explained.

"A bird told me you missed me" he continued walking extremely close to you.

"I- I surely did, you were- are my friend" you blushed heavily.

" I'm sorry for everything I did, I hate myself for everything, and something happened.. I - refused to kill Dumbledore but-" he interrupted himself starting to sob.

Your confused expression almost scared him.

"Snape killed him, it's my fault I-" you didn't let him finish ignoring the sadness and smashed your lips onto his.

You fell on the bed, but he continued to kiss you almost roughly.

As you pulled away he smiled.

"I like you Y/n, but I'm not a goo-"

His eyes filled with happiness for the first time in years as you smiled.

"Stop! You are the fucking best person I've ever met!" You exclaimed punching his chest.

"Don't you feel ashamed of a death eater?" He asked, remembering when he'd showed you his tattoo.

"No, as long as you're safe"

"Do you mind if I kiss you again?" In response you kissed him, again, softly this time.

As your lips moved together until you saw the door fly open.

"Are you done sucking faces? Lunch is ready" Deneb teased before walking away again.

"I like you so much Y/n. Would you uhm- goonadatewithme?" He asked, his voice trembling a little.

"Of course Drakey"

"Don't call me that"

"Shut up. I love you dork"