#like it's not serious but it's also not meaningless

[icewindandboringhorror]

I find it kind of silly that so many of those "time based life rule" sayings are like ~deep serious guidelines~ of some sort, but then there's that one other Well Known Rule that's just like "hrmm can I eat something off of the ground or not"

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

every time i remember "ingo is an ascian/ancient who literally forgot everything about that" it still kills me. so much staying power in the idea of the protagonists rocking up to ishgard having the worst day of their lives and there's a fucking ASCIAN just chilling waiting for them and they're like fucking dammit now we have to deal with THIS. and then he's not. like he's literally just chilling. he is so very much just some guy. and they're like why the fuck are you dressed like an evil wizard then and he's like they're comfy robes :(

[astfut]

🙃

[27treks]

better day today. kitchen is still gross which I hate but eh I dont want to [redacted] myself rn so I'll take it ig

[rqg179]

obsessed w the apparent school rules at truham/higgs. i know some people did have study rooms at gcse, but theirs seems so mean 😭 also what is up with isolation apparently having 0 supervision??

[prokopetz]

Let's consider the sampling bias of a classic polling method: the telephone survey.

In many jurisdictions, robo-calling cell phone numbers is illegal, so right off the jump, our sample is limited to people with landlines.

Second, our survey's calling centre probably doesn't operate 24/7, and you can only answer a home landline when you're at home, so we're also selecting for people who tend to be at home during our calling centre's office hours.

Third, most people who have landlines probably also have answering services and caller ID, so we're additionally selecting for people who answer unknown numbers rather than letting them go to the machine.

Fourth, our recipient needs to be able to participate in the survey, so we're also selecting for people who speak the language(s) in which the survey is being administered.

Finally, after all this, most people will just hang up once they figure out they're being polled, so in sum, we're selecting for people who:

have landlines;

are usually at home during our calling centre's office hours;

customarily answer unknown numbers;

speak the language(s) in which the survey is administered; and

are actually interested in responding to surveys.

Any one of these factors is likely to introduce very serious bias into our results; all of them taken together are going to render our data practically meaningless for most purposes.

Now, understand that this still represents less selection bias than trying to do demographic surveys by reblogging Tumblr polls.

[septembersghost]

twitter. com/blessedswifty/status/1636932494435000328?s=20

this is seemingly my least popular opinion in the fandom... but i hate this with every fiber of my being. the lover house and what it represents is so special and precious to me, and it's also super triggery to the memory of my dad's house burning to the ground the day we found out my dog had lung cancer, and i've violently recoiled at every single joke about burning that house which represented love and comfort and building a future and re-embracing all of her work, and i'm sad that all the fandom theories ruined it and i'm sad she felt she had to do this and i'm so so sorry for being the most sensitive person on the earth

[munson-blurbs]

How do you think Eddie would react to a fwb reader who uses sex as a distraction from their feelings?? Like, they’ve been having a bad week an their mental state isn’t great but heyyy there’s sex. Reader doesn’t really care about the pleasure part of sex just the distraction. Worried Eddie would feel a little used ngl :P

((Dancy dances away nervously))

I know you started this with "do you think" but my brain said WRITE A BLURB so here we are. Also shoutout @corroded-hellfire for helping me make it cute without being cliche.

Warnings: mentions of smut (18+ only, minors DNI), friends with benefits, angst/yearning, idiots in love, made it fluffy because I'm a sap

WC: 747

--

You hadn’t thought anything of it the night he’d called you “baby.” He was deep within you, melding his body with yours. Lost in the moment.

Or the night he’d mumbled, “your pussy was made for me” while slamming into you from behind. It was just dirty talk; nothing more and nothing less. 

Maybe you should have been tipped off when he’d growled, “mine,” his voice barely above a whisper as he pressed soft kisses below your earlobe. You’d figured the word, like the sex, was meaningless. 

But tonight’s comment stops you in your tracks. Your legs are wobbling beneath you, exhausted from riding him, as you step back into your pants. 

“Do you wanna, like, cuddle for a sec?”

A giggle escapes from your lips, swollen and kiss-bitten. He’s joking; he has to be. The two of you have a perfectly choreographed routine: you have a bad day, you call Eddie, you fuck, and then you leave. And his latest suggestion would definitely interfere with step four. 

When your eyes meet his, you realize that he’s serious. Hurt and confusion at your laughter crease his brows, and he tugs the sheet up a bit higher. 

“Sorry, I, um…” He shakes his head and rubs his face. “Never mind. You probably have to go anyway.”

You’re in no hurry to return home, fresh off of yet another argument with your roommate. That’s why you’d come over to Eddie’s trailer in the first place. And it isn’t as though you’d never thought about being in his strong, tattooed arms. The way he’d hold you flush against him, your cheek on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat in your ear. It’s something you’d once wanted—craved, even—but you couldn’t let vulnerability infiltrate you like that again. 

You spent high school watching him pine over the cheerleaders. He unwittingly broke your heart over and over with each woman he hooked up with at the Hideout, overlooking you despite your presence at every show. Being friends with benefits is risky enough, and post-sex snuggling will send you teetering over the edge back into the rocky terrain of unrequited love. 

And so you lean into humor as you shrug on your shirt. “I don’t think this friends-with-benefits arrangement includes cuddling.” Keeping your tone light and even, restraining every desire to crawl into bed with him. 

“Right, yeah.” He sighs and offers a sad half-smile. “It’s just…I was thinking—”

“That’s dangerous.”

He flips you off and continues. “I was thinking that maybe we could be more than that. Y’know, maybe we could have sex when you’re happy, too.” 

“I am happy when we have sex,” you counter.

Eddie shakes his head again. “I’m talking about before we do it.” He gnaws on his thumbnail. “It feels like you only want me when you have a bad day. A-And I’m glad I can be here for you and stuff, but sometimes I wonder if I’m a friend or just a good lay.”

You try to look at him when you speak, but he keeps his gaze trained on the ground. “Eddie,” you start, taking a seat next to him. His chest is slick with sweat, the soft hairs matted down. “Eddie, I had the biggest, dumbest crush on you when we were younger. And knowing I couldn’t have you tore me apart.” You let your hand rest on his. “I can’t risk having you and then losing you.”

“Losing me?” Eddie laughs softly and his free palm comes up to cup your cheek. “Look at me. Where am I going?”

“You could find someone new, someone better, someone who—”

He cuts you off with a searing kiss, remnants of your arousal still tinging his lips and tongue. “There’s no one better,” he murmurs. “You see me answering the door at two in the morning for anyone else? Think I’d miss out on precious sleep for them?” 

One arm hooks around you back and pulls you in until you assume the little spoon position. Nimble fingers undo the button of your jeans, slowly and patiently, a stark contrast to the way he’d practically torn the denim removing them earlier. 

“‘S that comfier?” He asks through a yawn.

“Mhm.” And it is. It’s the most relaxed you’ve been in a while, at least without him inside you. 

His curls tickle the back of your neck as he nuzzles into you. He staves off sleep long enough to speak one last time. 

“I’m glad you’re staying, baby.”

--

[psychwxrdd]

i can't stop thinking about rafe being all head over heels for kook! reader and she doesn't give a damn about him and loves jj 😭 could be a dark rafe too omg

You.

(gif is not mine!)

🎀 - 18+, dark! rafe x kook! reader, jj x reader, stalker! rafe, possessive! rafe, obsessive! rafe (tbh i feel like it's all just normal rafe lmao) blackmail, gaslighting, gun use, smut, rafe is really unhinged, dub con. work and college are draining the life out of me so i didn't had time to see if there's any mistake :(( already apologizing for anything babes

rafe loses his shit when he finds out you're dating jj.

It wasn't fucking fair. A filthy pogue getting his way to your pants and your heart? When he tried to have you his whole life? He was furious.

Rafe's mind was a mess, thoughts racing, bad thoughts. He wanted to kill someone, take his anger out in any way... How could you do this to him?

You both knew each other since childhood, and Rafe is in love with you ever since. Some hook ups here and there, but nothing serious, just for one night stand. You were the one he always loved, always pictured when he had anyone else on his arms, he loved you so much it phisically hurted him. You were trully the most beautiful thing he ever laid his eyes on, and that would never change. No one could compare to you in the slightest.

Of course, he wasn't the only one. As if it wasn't enough that you're just the most gorgeous girl to ever exist, you're also sweet, funny, kind, smart... Always being nice to everyone, making friends everywhere. You were even friends with the ones from the dirty side of the island. Who could ever resist you?

But Rafe was also so cocky, even with your constant polite rejections, he knew who he was. He thought you would eventually throw yourself on his arms, he had so many ideas in mind. He always thought that in the end, you would be his girl, and you would both be the kook king and queen, that he would work while you're his little sweet housewife, waiting for him with open arms (and legs) at home. He spent hours thinking about you, about how much he wanted to carry you on his arms, just hug and kiss you, hold your hands. He would die for a simple touch. He wanted to know about your thoughts, things you never told anyone before... He wanted you to be his princess, his doll, only his forever.

He was always showing up at your work - even being a kook and not needing the money, you wanted responsability. As kids, he would always follow you everywhere in school, and being the tough guy he always was, little rafe would be all other boys bully, if he saw they talking about you being their crush. Always rushing to pair up with you in class. Really clingy, but he always made you laugh. Rafe would always tell his parents and everyone that you would be his wife one day, but at the time, it was just cute.

As teenagers, he started to ask you out on dates, asking if you wanted to go to prom with him, or if you could kiss him as a "birthday gift". And thats when you first broke his heart with "I only see you as a friend." But Rafe wasn't one to give up easily.

Always doing everything to show you how no other boy could ever be better than him. He was from the richest family in Outer Banks, he could afford anything you wanted. He always gave you expensive gifts, anything you said you wanted, he would buy it. He wanted to impress you all the time, but it was meaningless to you. None of that could buy your heart, and that started to annoy you, but as you were always too nice to everyone and didn't knew how to say no or push people away, you simply was quiet about how uncomfortable that felt.

And now, as young adults, things only got worse. He was extremely pushy, or as he would say, proactive. Everyone knew better than to mess with him, it was no surprise that he was trouble, but as he grew up, he also grew to be more and more mentally ill.

Now, he just happened to find out you and JJ were officially together.

What a fucking slut. What a fucking ungrateful whore. He loved you first, you were his first! How could you love that stupid pogue instead? What does JJ have that he doesn't? He is way better, he could give you the world if you asked.

Rafe wouldn't take this shit, not now. He was tired of this. You were supposed to be his girl, that is how it will be, and now it no longer matter for him if you want it or not.

He sniffed the rest of the coke and went to his dirt bike, on his way to your house, not much far from his.

"Hey, Rafe" you said in a soft tone. His heart melted at the scene, he was mad, but boy does he love you. The minute you opened your door he could smell your sweet, heavenly scent. You looked just like an angel, he wanted nothing more than to just stare at you like a fool, a sight for sore eyes. But he had to do this.

"You fine?" Rafe asked, a cold tone.

"Yeah...Is everything ok? You need something?"

He sighed and looked down, licking his lips. You could see he was nervous. "Is anyone home?"

You frowned slightly at his question. Why did he wanted to know that?

"No, my parents are out for tonight."

As you were about to ask him why, he was quick to cover your mouth and drag you inside, shutting the door behind you. Your eyes were wide.

"Calm down, okay? I won-...i'm not gonna hurt you... okay?" He said, still manhandling you, while caressing your hair and placing it behind your ears. He gave your forehead a kiss.

"I have a problem, and i want to solve it tonight" he said closer to your ear, and he could see the fear in your eyes. That sight and being that close to you was enough to make him almost cum on his pants. "I don't think you wanna date that Maybank guy. He's gonna put you in trouble, and i don't wanna see you in dangerous...I love you too much for that, princess. I - i can't just watch you ruin your life and do nothing about it!"

Tears fell from your eyes. Rafe talking about someone else being troubled? That was a joke itself.

"And...I need you to know that" His own eyes were tearing up now "That i much rather kill myself than see you with him."

You froze at him. You tap his hands, trying to let him know that you wanted to say something, but he didn't cared.

He put his hands on his pocket, and you were now a crying mess. His gun were now so close to your body, closer than you would ever want to stand from a gun.

You started to scream his name beneath his hand and thats when he let go of your mouth. "Rafe, please, lets talk about it!" you sounded desperated.

"Talk about what, y/n? Huh? My whole life, i have fucking loved you my whole life, and now you wanna talk? Bullshit" He shouted, his face red from anger. But his eyes were still full of tears.

"I- i...Rafe, please...I can..." You were lost, completely, what you were supposed to do? Break up with the one you loved to avoid someone's death? And then dating him instead? This was so fucked up. You felt like you would faint at any second.

He pointed the gun to his head, and thats when you acted from pure despair.

Almost jumping against him and giving him a hard kiss. His eyes went wide, but it didn't took long for him to kiss you back, much harder. He almost moaned at the feeling. Something he wanted so bad, for so long. You.

The expression on his face was almost like he was having an orgasm. He held you tightly, so tight you thought he would break at least one bone. As horrible as the whole situation was, he was a good kisser, you hated that you even thought that. But it was true.

Maybe it was just a survival instinct, but the way he knew how to kiss and hold you really turned you on.

You broke the kiss, quickly, and held his face. "Please, put the gun on the floor, Rafe"

His eyes were shining... He wouldn't deny you anything now. He placed on the floor.

"I will break up with JJ...ok?" You said, your voice breaking at how much your own words hurted you. It was so sick, you loved him more than anything. You couldn't imagine your life without him. Would he ever forgive you? You were sure that he wouldn't.

More and more tears felt from your eyes, while Rafe was smilling hard like a kid. "You don't know how much i waited for this, doll. But i want to make sure you're really gonna do this."

You were rolling your eyes, moaning as loud as it was possible, while Rafe was fucking you hard in missionary. He was so deep inside you, you felt like cumming harder than ever. But you didn't really wanted this, tho your body was enjoying it a lot. Your heart felt broken.

"Hi babe, you ok?" JJ asked on the phone, and hearing his voice made you cry again. You were now a mix of crying and moans. "Whats going on sweetheart? You're crying? Whats it?"

Rafe held your phone with a sick smile on his face, he couldn't control his groans as he held your neck with other hand. Finally being able to fuck you after so long... You had to reward him. You had to let him cum inside you, fuck you for hours, use you for how long he wanted. For all the countless times he jerked off thinking about you, all the times he fucked someone else picturing you instead. This was fucking paradise for him. He was sure you would end this night either pregnant, or with your whole pink girly room full with his cum everywhere.

"What the fuck is this?" JJ yelled, and you couldn't bring yourself to say anything, so Rafe did instead.

"She is dumping your ass, pogue. She is mine now."

[r0ttenhearts]

inconvenience

alhaitham x reader

sypnosis: after alhaitham fails to show up for your birthday “party” things seem to go worse between you as well as your best friend kaveh

warnings: angst, no comfort, arguments

the clock chiming felt taunting with every minute that passed. every minute that passed with alhaitham nowhere in sight. every minute that got closer to midnight. a gentle sigh left your lips, the thickly frosted cake sat in front of you untouched. you were sure if you had lit the candles they would have been nothing but melted wax by now.

you weren’t sure why you wanted to believe things would be different tonight. with alhaitham’s busy schedule it made moments between you two scarce and few. only speaking for a few minutes in the morning, knowing he’d be gone all day. you didn’t blame him for it, no. how could you? he was busy doing his job as a scribe! piling onto his already busy schedule felt nauseating. but you trusted his promise he made to you only two weeks prior. a promise to come home early on your birthday, to celebrate together.

it felt so long ago now. the clock reading 11:46 and he still wasn’t home. the sound of the door opening perked you up, a wide smile on your face as you got up, ready to greet alhaitham.

“haitham! i- oh.”

the blonde haired architect smiled softly at you, your shoulders slumping. “hey kaveh, why’re you home so late?” you spoke softly as he came inside.

“i just got caught up with things, figured i’d rather finish them here.. where’s alhaitham? i thought you two would be together right about now?”

you shook your head softly, “i guess he got caught up with things as well.”

kaveh studied your face for a moment before smiling sadly, “happy birthday (y/n).” you whispered a quiet thank you as he walked to his room, the door shutting gently behind him.

a silent storm brewed in your mind and you couldn’t help but feel so defeated. your boyfriend of four years couldn’t bother to show up for your birthday? did he really think his work mattered more than you?

you remembered every time you passed up something with your friends or an event you had wanted to go to, just for alhaitham. considering his feelings and knowing he didn’t like those things. only wanting to spend time together even if it meant missing out on things you also deemed as important.

always taking his feelings and thoughts on certain things, but he couldn’t even come home for your birthday? your sigh was much more aggravated than it was before, your patience as thin as paper.

just as you were about to put the cake away the door opened, the clock reading 12:24. no words were said as you closed the fridge door, making your way past alhaitham before he stopped you. a firm hand on your shoulder.

“what, alhaitham? it’s late, i’m going to bed.” you attempted to shrug his hand off but he held his grip. “you’re angry, why are you upset with me?” alhaitham spoke cooly and composed.

you scoffed loudly, angry tears were trying to escape your eyes but you wouldn’t let them. you wouldn’t cry over him.

“oh, i wonder! i really do, alhaitham. maybe because it’s my birthday and you didn’t bother to show up? just a reminder since you seemed to have forgotten, or do you just not care? i don’t think i want to know the answer.” you spat out like poison. a look of annoyance crossed alhaitham’s face.

“are you serious? you’re behaving like a child over your birthday? i was busy with my work, you know this. don’t go pouting now because i forgot one meaningless day.”

he didn’t care. he didn’t care how much this meant to you, even after telling him stories of how you always went out of your way for others. only to be disappointed in return. the one day of the year you wanted to feel like you mattered, and he didn’t care. he was more bothered with you being upset than anything.

“you can’t be serious alhaitham. you promised me!”

“then i suppose that promise didn’t mean much as i don’t recall ever making one.”

any argument you had in your mind now died. he wouldn’t care for any reason to justify your anger, he had made up his mind. and he wasn’t sorry for any of it.

you didn’t say anything as his hand left your shoulder, walking past you to the kitchen for a late night sandwich. you quietly made your way to kaveh’s room, shutting the door as quietly as you could behind you. kaveh spun around in his chair, a look of confusion on his face.

“kaveh.. alhaitham didn’t care! he just didn’t care at all. i waited all night, you know? i waited and waited and blew off invitations to spend my birthday with dehya and the girls and he just.. just didn’t care! he called me a child and i-“

“(Y/N)!”

your emotional rambling stopped at the yell of your name. kaveh held the same expression alhaitham had when he looked at you not too long ago.

“you are being an inconvenience right now, i have so much to do and i can’t deal with this right now. we can talk about it later but i’m busy right now. so please, get out of my room.”

you didn’t say anything as you left his room. alhaitham scoffing as you two saw each other before he made his way to his own room. the door shutting behind him.

you had never felt so unwelcome in a place you had grown to love and call home. but if you weren’t wanted, you knew better than to stay. to fight for a place that wasn’t yours. with that, you quietly slipped away into the night. texts and calls being missed from the both of them as you made a new life outside of them.

taglist: @sakiimeo @astrolomona @dearsumire @saeism @shoheartluv @0kauy @lelemnh @aqualesha @linkookie197 @xiaonscaraswife @foxlover1144 @reblog-crazily @sparklylanddetective @gh0sts0up @darliingyu @maxineslair @kenmabfasf @samarill @whorerificstuff

[reminiscingtonight]

Cruel Summer

Lia Wälti x Reader

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Based on Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift

[WOSO Masterlist]

There’s a loud rev outside your apartment.

Despite it being the dead of the night, there’s an idiot lighting up the night, echoes of their engine blasting through the air. 

If it was any other night, you would ignore it. If you hadn’t just finished one of the most important games of your life and flown hours back to your cozy little home in England, you would have ignored it. But you’re tired. The type of tired that seeps so deep into your bones that nothing but peace and quiet (and lots of sleep) could fix. 

The engine’s been blasting for nearly five minutes now, seemingly no resolution in sight. With no other choice, you roll out of bed, whipping open your curtains and throwing up the window, ready to give the driver a piece of your mind.

What you see makes you roll your eyes instead, a tired smile making its way across your face.

“Lia, it’s twelve-thirty. What are you doing out here?”

Your best friend grins right back. “Jail break. Come on!”

You raise an eyebrow when Lia gestures for you to come downstairs and hop into her passenger seat. “It’s twelve-thirty,” you repeat. “Can’t you come jail break me at a more acceptable time? Like, let’s say, eleven tomorrow morning?”

“Boo,” she groans. “We haven’t seen each other in so long. You’re really going to make me wait another eleven hours to get my (Y/N) fix?”

Lip twitching in amusement, you shake your head. 

Even though she’s parked on the street, still some distance away, you can see her pout crystal clear. 

She doesn’t even have to say another word before you’re ducking back into your room.

It’s not like you can ever say no to Lia. 

It only takes you five minutes to make yourself look presentable before you’re slipping out the front door and into Lia’s car. 

Lia looks more than a little pleased at her success and it takes all your self-control to not smack (or kiss) the smirk off her face. 

“Where to?”

She gives you a look. 

The night ends like how it always does. 

You pressed between Lia and a mattress, lips slotted together all hot and needy, every touch exchanged feeling more and more like heaven. 

---

You’re used to it by now. 

The late night phone calls followed by mindblowing, worldchanging--

Let’s just say Lia’s good. Like really good.

But what you’re also used to is mornings waking up to a sleepy smile shot your way. Face pressed to your neck, arms around your waist as Lia doesn’t want you to leave. Hands in yours as you stroll through Sunday morning farmer markets. Quiet afternoons curled up together on the couch, Lia reading her book of the week and you watching your tv show.

So yeah, the sex is good. But so is the domesticity you’ve created.

Lia made it clear from the beginning. 

“I’m hot, you’re hot, let’s bang,” she had said with a smirk. Though a joke, you both knew she was being serious.

One night led to two, two into three, and soon she was calling you almost every night. 

This was just sex. After her relationship with Caitlin ended all Lia wanted was some physical release, nothing more, nothing less. 

“No feelings,” Lia tried to act stern, though with her hand down your pants and you being slightly distracted by her mesmerizing eyes, neither of you really paid those words much attention.

But you agreed. 

You agreed to ‘meaningless, best lay of your life’ sex even though you’ve been in love with Lia for as long as you’ve known her. And with each night you spend together you find yourself falling more and more for her.

“Do you ever…” you trail off, eyes fixated to the ceiling above you. 

Lia’s laying on her side, fingers lightly tracing your ribs as she tangles your legs together under the blankets. Nights like these come more often than not. You don’t remember the last time you spent the night apart. Having sex always seemed like an excuse for Lia to ask you to stay the night and you definitely weren’t going to complain. 

Her eyes drift from where they’ve been ghosting over your skin, no shame present in her eyes for how much she was ogling you. 

“Do I ever what?” 

You swallow, trying to act nonchalant. “Ever think about what it would be like. If we… If we gave this a go.”

A furrow appears between Lia’s eyebrows, the Swiss frowning as she tries to understand what you’re saying. “‘Gave us a go’ as in… date?”

You shrug. “Would it really be that bad of an idea?”

It’s silent for a moment as Lia takes in your words. You can practically see the gears turning in her head, the brunette worrying her bottom lip between her teeth as she tries to work through her thoughts.

When Lia sits up a bit, shuffling so she is half hovering over you, the blanket pulled over her shoulder slips down, pooling down by her waist.

It takes everything in your power to keep your eyes glued firmly above her collarbone, trying not to drool over all her exposed skin. 

It’s a bit embarrassing, the effect Lia has on you. You still turn into a blushing mess whenever she pulls you into bed with her. Your mouth still goes dry whenever she gives you a grin, whenever her perfect lips and perfect voice says your name. 

“(Y/N), I care about you. And I know you care about me.” 

You nod, but Lia has a look on her face. She’s not done with whatever’s on her mind. 

.

Every nerve in your body is screaming for there not to be a “but”.

.

“And this,” the way her eyes trail down your body makes it no mystery what exactly Lia’s referring to, and you flush red at her attention, “this is definitely worth every second of every day.”

.

You want to come home to this every day. You want to tell Lia how much you love her every day. There is so much you want.

.

Lia leans forward and you’re not able to stop the way your eyes flutter shut, lips burning where hers touches yours. Kissing Lia will always be one of your favorite things. There’s nothing like it. She lets out a quiet, happy sigh when you break apart, leaving a hand splayed over your bare stomach when she lays back. 

“This is heaven. Why break something that’s not broken?” 

.

But what you want isn’t what she wants.

.

And that’s what makes this so much worse.

.

Lia’s eyes are on the ceiling now, fingers still tracing absentminded shapes on your skin. “I don’t want to screw anything up between us, alright? And things are just, they’re so good right now. I don’t want to add anything that could mess this up.”

It feels like your throat’s closing up, your heart squeezing and crumbling to pieces right in front of you.

She’s looking your way now, and you realize Lia’s waiting for you to say something. For you to reassure her she’s making the right move.

.

You don’t want it to be the right move.

.

Of course you’d fall for the most basic of all tropes. Falling in love with your best friend. Falling into bed with the best friend you’re in love with. 

Falling in love with someone who so obviously doesn’t love you back.

You give her a curt nod, hoping Lia can’t notice the way you’ve slightly stiffened. It feels like glass when you clear your throat, every nerve in your body screaming at you to run. To protect what little you still have of your own heart. 

But you were never good at self-preservation.

“No, no, I, uh, I totally get it.” It’s hard to ignore the sinking feeling in your stomach, the burning sensation prickling behind your eyes. But you do it. Because it’s Lia. Because she’s asking you not to change anything between the two of you. 

“The summer’s supposed to be fun, not complicated.”

It hurts, the way you see her shoulders relax at your words. 

Lia shoots you a soft smile, pressing a kiss to the fingers you have tangled together. It’s almost natural, the way she rolls back on top of you, elbows landing on either side of your head. Your heart feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest when she leans down, breath hitting your lips as she stays just out of reach. There’s a sparkle in her eyes as Lia bites down on her bottom lip. You’re unable to stop yourself from looking right at her mouth, the brunette knowing exactly just what to do to drive you crazy. 

“Speaking of fun… I think the two of us have a lot more fun to be had.”

And when Lia kisses you again, so full of passion but so lacking of feeling, you let her. 

After all, you’ll take whatever she’s willing to give you. 

Even if it tears you apart. 

---

One week.

That’s how long Lia’s been out of town for. She had a little girl’s trip with Ana, a trip she tried convincing you to come along on. But you knew how much Lia’s been missing her best friend so you let her go off alone.

Lia had kissed you goodbye at the airport, in your car of course, promising to call you when she got back.

And now she’s back. 

You’ve been bouncing off the walls at the chance to see her again.

It should honestly scare you, the hold Lia has over you. She’s so addicting, something you crave every second of the day. And the week spent apart has only exacerbated your need to be near her.

It’s a little past midnight when you pull up to her house.

Sneaking through the garden, you make it to Lia’s door in record time.

Your hands are shaky but you play it off as nerves, rolling your shoulders back before rapping your knuckles against the door. The grin on your face hasn’t fallen since you made the decision to surprise Lia. It’s usually Lia making these secret trips out without informing you she was heading over. But oh how the tables have turned.

It isn’t until the third time you knock without any response that your smile slips off your face.

Frowning, you look down at your phone. The [I’ve made it back!] text you received from Lia a couple hours ago seems to mock you as you turn your attention back towards the door.

Of course you could always call Lia to see where she’s at, but the small part of you that still knows shame knows how desperate that would look.

You could practically imagine the smirk on Lia’s face as she teases you for not being able to go a week without seeing her.

You drop your head against the door with a dejected thump.

Maybe Lia was busy tonight. It’s not like the two of you don’t have any other friends who have stayed in England during the off season.

So much for your attempt to surprise her.

Standing up with sigh, you turn around, fully intending to head back home. And then the door swings open.

Lia’s breathing hard, shirt hastily buttoned up, wild sort of look in her eyes as she leans against her door frame, squinting into the dark night to look at you.

You have to blink to make sure you’re not seeing things. 

Lips swollen, hair mused, it doesn’t take a genius to know what Lia’s been up to. 

“Sorry, I um, I was busy.” Lia clears her throat, hands coming up to run through her messy hair. “I didn’t forget any plans of ours, did I?”

Shaking your head, you shove your hands into your pockets. There’s an urge to flee on the spot, but you muster enough courage to just shuffle in place, clearing your throat as you try to stop your heart from crumbling to pieces. “No, it’s… I just wanted to see if you wanted to go out. But uh, I can see that you have some company so I’m just gonna go.”

Lia swallows nervously, hand darting out before you can turn away. You fight the urge to flinch at the contact, watching as Lia begins fidgeting uncomfortably instead. 

“I didn’t know you were coming.” She sounds small, and something about it makes you curious, but the bigger part of you just wants to flee home and drown your embarrassment in a big tub of ice cream. 

You were thinking of Lia the entire time she was gone but it’s clear she wasn’t thinking about you. And that’s on you. Not her.

You clear your throat again, trying to plaster on a fake smile on your face. “Lia, it’s fine, it’s cool. It’s not like we have any rules in place so you’re free to do whatever you want with whoever you want.”

She frowns, but you’re quick to drop your eyes to the ground when you notice her trying to gauge where your emotions are at. 

You know you have no right to be jealous. That she’s not yours to be possessive over. As much as you want her to be yours, she didn’t want you the same way and that’s just something you’d have to deal with on your own.

“Okay,” Lia breathes out slowly, hand gently releasing her grip on your arm. “I’ll, um… I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

You give her a small nod. “Of course.”

.

When Lia pulls you into bed with her the next day after dinner, you pretend not to notice the bruises littering her skin. 

Bruises that aren’t your doing.

Bruises that serve as a reminder that Lia holds all the power to kill you slowly. 

And you wouldn’t stop her from doing it.

---

Laughter and shouts ring through the air, the atmosphere happy and light as the Arsenal girls meet for a couple drinks the second day into the new season. There’s no denying how much you missed the lot of them, the rambunctious bunch having a special place in your heart. 

You and Lotte have been lost in conversation for a bit now. The two of you have gotten really close since she returned to her childhood club a couple years ago. So you talk about everything and nothing, just catching up from your time apart over the summer.

“Have you been to that new restaurant that opened down the street?”

You nod. “Yeah! Lia and I stopped by there a couple weeks ago. They have some pretty good seafood.”

Lotte’s eyes light up and she goes off into a tangent about her favorite seafood places. You sit back with a fond smile, loving the enthusiasm of the young girl.

You’re nodding along to something she says when you feel it. You nearly jump out of your seat at what feels like a foot kicking yours. Hard.

Looking up, you make eye contact with Lia. There’s a slight frown on her lips as she pretends to listen to something Steph is telling her.

You tilt your head in question but she just huffs, turning back to her conversation with Steph.

Shrugging, you don’t think too much about the interaction.

Until it’s nearly thirty minutes later and you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

You don’t realize anything’s amiss until you step out of the stall. You almost leap back in fright when you see Lia leaning against the sink, arms crossed. 

“Er, hi?” Your greeting comes out more like a question, your surprise at seeing her evident in your tone of voice.

Lia doesn’t say anything, simply watching as you wash your hands. Your eyes keep darting to hers, confused why she followed you in here.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t disappointed that your hookups have seemingly come to a stop now that pre-season has begun, but it’s not like you were really expecting anything more. The two of you have been fairly busy getting back into the swing of things. 

But Lia following you to the bathroom reminds you of the nights you spent together that often began like this. An innocent gesture turned shameless and passionate.

So safe to say you’re not really sure what to make of her bathroom visit.

Out of all of the possibilities, you’re definitely not expecting the hostile tone that comes out of her mouth the second you’re done wiping your hands and turning around.

“What was that?” It’s whispered, but you still feel taken aback by how harsh Lia spits out her words.

“What was what?”

You wrack your mind, trying to think of anything you did wrong. The two of you haven’t interacted much tonight. Apart from the greetings when you arrived tonight and saw her already there, the two of you kept mostly to different groups. You’ve spent most of the night laughing with Beth and Lotte while she’s been chatting with Steph and Leah.

“Why did you tell Lotte that we went to the sushi bar together?”

Your eyebrows knit together in confusion at the reminder of your conversation that felt like so long ago. “Uh, because we did? I’m sorry, why do you sound so mad?”

“I’m not mad! I just don’t understand why you had to tell Lotte we went there together.”

“I… what?” you blink, the stiffness of Lia’s body only confusing you even more. “Are you upset that I told Lotte we had dinner together?”

Her mouth shuts with a click, nostrils flaring as you seem to be missing something that Lia’s so clearly fuming about.

“You didn’t want me telling any of our friends, because?” You wait, the silence dragging on, but Lia glares pointedly at a spot right past your ear, refusing to say a word. 

You sigh. “Lia, what’s going on?”

Her jaw clenches. “We said it was just going to be a summer thing.”

You nod, confused. “Yeah, and?”

“It’s no longer the summer.”

It’s not the summer anymore, that you know. You and the rest of the girls have been kicking balls around for a couple days already, laughing and joking around as if you guys haven’t been apart for a couple months. As much as you enjoyed your summer with Lia, there’s no denying that you’ve definitely missed the girls a bit, even if being back with the team meant no more late nights sneaking around--

And just like that, everything clicks.

You try to keep your face unchanged despite the realization knocking all of the breath out of your lungs.

“So this is a secret.”

Lia doesn’t say anything but you don’t need her to. Her silence says a thousand words.

And each one cuts to the bone.

“You want me to pretend nothing happened between us? Like the summer meant nothing.” Sadness and anger mixes in your veins. You knew this was coming but it still doesn’t dull the way it hurts.

“The summer was fun. But that’s all it was,” she mutters, eyes still hard.

“The summer was fun,” you repeat, shaking your head in disbelief. “It was fun? That’s really all you have to say?”

“What else is there to say?” It’s snapped back, almost defensive. 

You’re left blinking at Lia, heart sinking with every single word spoken. “You can’t be this dense.”

Lia’s lips pinch into a thin line, but the Swiss doesn’t say anything else. 

Somehow the silence hurts more than what you know is about to come. “You can’t seriously say you didn’t know how much it meant to me.”

“I don’t--”

“Lia, please. You couldn’t not know.” It’s pathetic, the way you literally beg Lia to acknowledge the truth the two of you have been dancing around. 

“We said no rules,” Lia swallows, hand clenching and unclenching by her sides. Her eyes are darting around now, as if she’s looking for some sort of escape.

It’s the way she keeps denying it that cracks your heart even more. It’s the pointed ignorance that makes this hurt much more than the inevitable rejection you know is headed your way. 

“I love you, Lia.” 

Those words feel both freeing and crushing, finally saying it out loud. You’ve always dreamed about this moment. The moment you finally tell Lia how much you care for her. How much you want to shout your love for her from the rooftops. 

Never would you have thought it would come out like this. In backroom bathrooms, makeup ruined with tear stained cheeks as you do your best not to fall apart.

You should have expected the dream to just stay a dream. After all, they never work out the same in the real world.

“I love you and you act as if that’s the worst thing you’ve ever heard.”

Shoulder slumped over, you drop your face into your hands. Though no longer making eye contact, you can still feel the weight of Lia’s gaze on you. 

Neither of you say anything else, but no other words are needed. You’ve said your part. Lia’s said hers. 

So much for happily ever afters. 

It feels crushing, the way Lia doesn’t move to stop you when you brush past her to reach the door. Every step you take feels like a stab to the heart, but you know there’s no going back anymore. There’s no more ignoring what you both know is the truth. 

Maybe Lia loves you like you love her. Maybe she wants you just like you do her. But if she doesn’t want to make this a thing, there’s nothing you can do about that. 

Hand on the doorknob, you pause, making sure to keep your back to Lia. You breathe in shakingly, pretending like you can’t feel your heart crumbling to nothing in your chest. “You don’t want our friends knowing anything, fine. I won’t say a word about the summer.”

If Lia says anything after that you don’t catch it. You’re letting the door shut behind you, already making your way back to the rest of your teammates. 

And when Lia returns to the table minutes later, you’re already faking smiles, pretending like your summer in heaven wasn’t the cruelest thing that’s ever happened to you.

[havocskies]

bro pls pls pls pls 🙏 do an NSFW alphabet with hobie ill do anything?!!!

HOBIE BROWN | NSFW ALPHABET

i am losing my self respect day by day.

anyway im also sorry for not posting ive been flirting w this dude for the past few days he is so cute but that will not stop me from writing for yg xoxo

╭──╯ . . . . . ༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶ . . . . . ╰──╮

A = AFTERCARE

- hobie is an absolute GOD at aftercare n i wholeheartedly believe this. especially when he knows he can be a bit much at times, there’s never a time where he skips out on aftercare. i think he would like to just relax, cuddle, and talk for a bit after he cleans you up thoroughly. then probably get a little treat, but he always likes to make sure you actually had fun as well. he’d put all of his attention on you way before he started worrying about himself, you’re always his priority

B = BODY PART

- i think hobie doesn’t have a MAJOR preference for anything but he seems like a thigh kinda guy. doesn’t matter the gender or size, he’s a thigh enthusiast. not always in a nasty way, he also just thinks they’re comfortable and whatnot. wear anything that shows your thighs and he is all for it 🙌

C = CUM

- im sure hobie keeps up w his health and cares for it, so i don’t think he’d taste horrible. he’s considerate guys 😭 idk if he’d really have a preference for where he cums either. probably asks beforehand or just knows what you prefer but if you’ll let him he’ll switch it up for funsies

D = DIRTY SECRET

- hobie doesn’t really keep secrets much, and i don’t think he’d be doing anything vile enough to really have to keep secrets anyway 😭 he’s just a normal dude imo but thoughts wise ?? he’s definitely imagined some things he’s too scared to talk abt im sure (take that how u will)

E = EXPERIENCE

- im sorry ik yg see him as like a sex god manwhore but i cant see it 😞 he’s spiderman he’s a nerd and he’s goofy, like yes he’s hot but he definitely fumbles without knowing the opportunity was even there LMAOO but regardless i think his body count is VERY low if not even zero. that doesn’t mean he’s ignorant, though. he’s figured out enough to know what he’s doing and what to do, he’s considerate and never wants his partner to be left out of thought

F = FAVORITE POSITION

- i can’t really see him having a favorite position i think he would’ve had little to no opinions but the moment yg find one you specifically like a lot he LOVES it. loves anything that makes you react the most, he’s such a pleaser yg cannot convince me of anything different

G = GOOFY

- yg write him to be all serious n i dont like it 🙁 he’s hobie he’s gonna crack a few jokes, especially if he’s nervous or he sees you’re nervous and he wants you to relax. probably jokes about how he’ll try his best not to send you to the hospital or wtv (he is not that confident)

H = HAIR

- hobie probably isn’t always clean shaven so he believes you don’t have to be either. still he’d at least be trimmed just to make things easier and whatnot. just his preference, whatever you do w yours he could not care less. other than that i think if sony was allowed he’d have a happy trail but unfortunately sony are pussies (im kidding)

I = INTIMACY

- i think hobie would prefer intimacy over anything else. he’d see sex as less of a pleasure thing and more of something to be shared when you’re extremely close. i don’t think sex w him would ever be meaningless, he’s always trying to show how much he loves you

J = JACK OFF

- hobie’s probably just an average dude. doesn’t do it too much bc like ?? why would he when he has you. ofc, if you’re not up to it yea he’ll go somewhere or just deal with it, you’re never obligated in his eyes. i just think he’d prefer you over anything else

K = KINK

- he’s gotta be a little freaky. like i say a lot (im sorry) he does joke abt biting, so he probably has some small kinks but i doubt anything serious. maybe at the most a very minor corruption kink, but its only about introducing you to things if you’re entirely willing. something about knowing he’s the one introducing you to it makes him wanna do it more

L = LOCATION

- hobie doesn’t strike me as a very public kinda guy. like maybe on occasion, but it’d have to be somewhere he’s pretty sure yg won’t get caught. i do think he’d prefer in your or his own home though, makes it more intimate and less stressful. he would however joke about fucking near someone yg don’t like out of spite

M = MOTIVATION

- you’d probably have to be actively trying to get him going, sex is never really the first thing on his mind. ofc it can very well happen unintentionally. i think gestures, positions, anything that shows off something ALONG WITH the clear intent will make him realize. maybe. i still wholeheartedly believe he’s pretty oblivious most of the time, he can be wanting it but he won’t realize you’re trying to make him want it. he’s a little dumb bear with him. he also just doesn’t associate revealing clothing with you wanting sex, so you’ll have to find other ways to get him to realize you want him. anyway i think mostly anything that shows off your thighs will get his mind wandering. anything that shows off their shape or just shows them off in general

N = NO

- in no way ever will you get this dude to do cnc (consensual nonconsensual) he gets sometimes its a trauma response but yg also have to remember he’d have to be getting off by pretending to assault you and i just can’t see it. he couldn’t do it, he’d rather try and help you with that trauma in other ways

O = ORAL

- happy to give always 🙌 he sees it as no different than you giving. even so, i don’t think he’d ever ask you for head. he’d see it more as a bonus, not something that’s expected in a relationship. if you’re never comfortable giving or even receiving head he will not be losing sleep whatsoever

P = PACE

- probably likes to switch it up. while i do think most of the stuff he said in his intro were jokes (runway model, inconsistency, labels, etc) i do think he does like to switch things up. he doesn’t like being limited to one thing, he likes to explore a bit and keep you on your toes xoxo

Q = QUICKIE

- hobie doesn’t strike me as someone who cares much for quickies. he’d much rather take his time, show he actually loves you. if both of yg are REALLY struggling then yg are going home, end of story. if you were to suggest a quickie he’d be unsure but he’d be willing to try at least

R = RISK

- hobie’s big risk taker im sure, but sex is a lot different than everything else. it’s a lot deeper and meaningful, so he doesn’t want to risk upsetting you or causing problems. idk if he’d even wanna risk being caught bc that’s just an inconvenience to everyone else 🙁🙁 only if it’s inconveniencing someone neither of you like i suppose

S = STAMINA

- pretty good stamina. not crazy or anything, but he can definitely go for a while. i think he finishes fairly average time but he can go multiple rounds, yk ?? like i said not a sex god guys

T = TOYS

- im sure hobie isn’t against toys at all ☠️ kinda goes back to what i said w introducing you to things. he’ll definitely try anything (as long as it’s humane 😭) and really doesn’t have much shame. take that part how u will.

U = UNFAIR

- hobie definitely likes to tease, no doubt. not all the time ofc but he can be an asshole just for jokes. if you’re genuinely upset he’ll stop. plus i think edging and overstimulating would count as something that deserves to have a conversation over first, not everyone’s completely into that and he knows full well

V = VOLUME

- i don’t think he’d be loud. not a whimperer probably but definitely a groan kinda guy. he has no shame breathing and groaning in your ear if he’s really goin (with you ofc he is)

W = WILD CARD

- switch. i think by default he’s more dom leaning but if you take that position he won’t complain, he thinks it’s hot as hell. would probably let you do almost anything to him 😇

X = X-RAY

- he’s pretty tall guys, it’s not small that’s for sure. i think honestly he’d be around 6-8, anything above is just scary in my full opinion so that’s not what he has ummm. i do think he’d be pretty normal girth. and, ofc, if he is pierced he would’ve done it himself. a stranger handling and piercing your dick is not for the weak im sure

Y = YEARNING

- probably a pretty normal/average drive. he didn’t think much about sex before you so going without it isn’t a problem for him at all. i don’t think he’d be like horny 24/7 around you, most of the time he’s just happy to be around you

Z = Zzz

- like i said w aftercare hobie prefers to stay up with you and spend time. even if it’s late at night he will try his absolute best, he’s not sleeping until he’s sure you’re comfortable and completely cleaned up. unless you like emptied his balls or destroyed him or something, then aftercare is on you i guess 🤕

[yesimwriting]

I feel like the readers first times are always involving felix and that made her look at his displays of affection in a more normal way

Like her first kiss, she says that was with a boyfriend but it was actually felix, but its just normal for them

wow i didn't even realize how true this was until i read it

reader lowkey gives has likely never so much as held hands with a guy before felix,, but she'd sooner pass away than admit it

farleigh has definitely asked at some last minute 'after party' which is just all of felix's friends sitting in his room after a party while drunk/high and reader would be fighting for their life fr (i feel like farleigh and bestfriend!reader would eventually develop a bit of a frenemy relationship)

oliver was definitely listening a little extra hard lmaoo

also my next comment is a little off topic and discusses smut (mentions virginity,, but isn't smutty or descriptive) but i'm putting it below a cut just in case anyone isn't comfortable with that

felix is generally possessive/jealous when it comes to reader, but he's for sure a lot more jealous when it comes to intimate/small things than casual hooking up bc it can be that casual/meaningless to him

but!! if reader is a virgin he is doing all he can to keep reader from losing it to anyone else,, not bc it's sexual (mostly), but bc losing your virginity implies too much intimacy for felix to let that happen 😭

also felix knows reader and knows she isn't really a casual hook up person (part of the reason he hasn't asked her out is bc he knows that'd instantly be such a serious relationship he can't afford to mess up when he's young and kind of dumb when it comes to romantic relationships) so he's doing all he can to keep that from happening,, sorry, he's the closest thing reader is getting to a boyfriend :)

also, this might be a little too much (feel free to disagree with this point), but i think deep (or maybe not so deep) down,, felix thinks he's going to end up with reader,, like they're meant to settle down together one day, so he knows anyone reader's with/hooks up with won't care about reader the way he does, they can't,, so he might as well be reader's first time

[vaguely-concerned]

Ever since watching The Wire for the first time, my brain has doggedly kept working away at the Especially the lies of it all, and specifically at how much the structure beneath the different stories Garak tells contributes to the overall meaning of what he’s trying to say. While the contradicting narratives of course expertly obscure the factual circumstances of his getting exiled, using them also allows him to tell aspects and facets of the emotional truth I don’t think he ever could have, if he’d simply told the actual story of what happened. (It’s very Varric-core of him honestly.)

The first story — the ‘oh, you think you know me?’ story — says I have done things that would sicken you if you knew any detail of it. It’s clearly meant to scare Bashir away so he’ll leave him to die shamefully in peace already lol. But it’s also one of his (probably much-needed lbr) little lessons to Julian that are so frequent in the beginning, given while Garak still has some hold on himself — “Don’t be so quick to forgive me if you don’t even know what I’ve done; what would you do if this really were the sum total of what I am?” (And Julian seems to surprise him by going ‘Well, exactly the same thing, because no matter who you are I am a doctor. But I sort of take your point.’)

The second story — the letting the orphans go story — says I have failed to smother my soul in its cradle when it was required of me, and I regret that more than anything I’ve done. To my ears this is the one most shot through with active self-loathing too, which is interesting. He’s officially lost the control he’s been clinging to and it’s about to get ugly. His TL;DR is ‘Sentiment is the greatest weakness of all’, even all the way back here. (Which is the one lesson Julian steadfastly refuses to learn, which I think in turn does some serious rearrangement of Garak’s soul over the course of the show haha. Get uno reversed into the process of loving and being loved without shame asshole.)  This is also where he builds up to admitting to having any sort of need for companionship or closeness at all and — so much worse — that Julian’s role in his life actually has fulfilled some of that need, and he’s DRIPPING with defensive venom over it b/c well I get it Garak vulnerability is scary it can take a person like that. 

(I also feel there’s something honest and forbidden in ‘Suddenly the whole exercise seemed utterly meaningless’. I suspect ‘actually… why the fuck are we even doing this???’ is not a welcome sentiment in an Obsidian Order water cooler environment, no matter what you’re saying it about lmao. The very first seeds of him deconstructing the things he’s been taught about Cardassia and his work might be hinted at here, though they of course take a looong time to come to any real fruition.)   

The third story — the ‘Elim was my best friend’ story — says hey, remember that thing you said once, about how sometimes, you have to be loyal to yourself before you can be loyal to anything else? Well. guess what. I couldn’t even be that lmao. It also furthers that thread of being divided from yourself, split, that having ‘Elim’ as a separate person around in all versions of the story brings in. He’s in control of himself again, but he essentially hands his life and soul over to Julian to decide what should be done with them. 

I’ve done horrible things and it finally caught up with me, I’m getting what I deserve → I let sentiment master me and the fact that I’m too weak to do what’s needed of me shames me more than the evil I’ve done → I fucked up. I betrayed myself and everything I held to, all for nothing, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. But it’s very nice that you’re here anyway, Doctor. (Wow. I didn’t realize quite how isolated and lonely that last one was before right now. The way Tain has shaped him really has just… locked him completely into himself, huh.) We can also see a movement through from a completely professional context in the first story, to an intensely interpersonal and internal context in the last one — even his fake stories spiral in towards intimacy, which I think is what he longs for here even if he can’t quite like. Touch that without the stories as a buffer yet, it’s clearly like touching a hot stove for him to interact with it too directly. 

And you know what I find incredibly interesting the whole way through? Even on his deathbed, where he’s dying from the thing Tain had put in his head, he’s protecting Tain. He puts all the blame for where he is on himself (‘My future was limitless, until I threw it away’), even if he has to employ a strange twisty logic where he’s split himself into two to do it. Don’t get me wrong, Garak has done horrific things all on his own haha, but it’s notable that he almost isolates Tain from that. ‘Tain was the Obsidian Order. Not even the Central Command dared challenge him. And I was his right hand.’ Tain in Garak’s stories is this infallible implacable weirdly distant figure, even now. Indeed, as will make a lot of sense with the revelations further down the line, more than anything it seems the gaze of an abused child desperate for recognition looking up at an idealized (if not in any way nurturing) parent.‘He was retired at that point; he couldn't protect me’, Garak says, as if what he’d need protection from in the first place isn’t Tain himself lmao, as if Tain had no active part in any of this. He never lets blame touch Tain at all. At this stage he would rather consider himself a broken flawed tool than accept that the hands that have wrought and wielded him have ever had any fault in them. AND in the middle of it all, with plausible deniability, on death’s door and knocking meekly to be let in before he must finish the mortifying ordeal of being known and test the even more daunting possibility of being loved, Garak at the same time manages to drop the breadcrumb trail of clues to make it possible for Julian to find Tain if he so chooses and gets in the ‘sons of Tain’ thing too for future dramatic irony purposes. Truly he is the Michelangelo of lying. Every falsehood a multifaceted masterpiece. Elim ‘achieving a state of intertextuality in real life is possible if you work hard and believe in yourself’ Garak. I love him so much. 

I think all of this is why “I forgive you. For whatever it is you did,” works so well, because it too works on a structural level. It’s such a deceptively multilayered response — it has the syntax of a joke, in a way, and it is kind of funny even under the circumstances, but delivered with such earnest warmth and fondness. It’s both recognition and acceptance (forgiveness!). It’s saying ‘I finally understand enough of what you’re trying to tell me beneath and through all that, in whatever way you’re capable of, I see you’ and ‘my answer hasn’t changed (bitch)’. The forgiveness Julian offers here is complete — on principle, and out of personal feeling and empathy (only one of which Garak deigns to respond to during the second story, where he calls it ‘smug Federation sympathy’, placing it more completely on the principle side than it probably is. ‘Dude you’re my friend please don’t just lie down and die in a completely avoidable way on me, who else is going to not only tolerate but actually gleefully enjoy me being annoying as fuck over lunch’ seems to be the subtext that’s a lot harder to acknowledge and invite in for both of them. And yet Tain seems perfectly clear on the fact that Julian is Garak’s friend, which, y’know. Must be fun living with the knowledge that Tain has eyes everywhere looming over you every day haha guess you’d just have to tune that out.) 

Most of all — ’Don’t give up on me now, Doctor’... and he didn’t! He didn’t. Augh. Ow.

[kooktrash]

the act of falling | jeon jungkook

summary: what was supposed to be a meaningless fling has turned into much more before you both realized you were falling. now all you can do is hope that all the challenges you’ve faced are worth something.

warnings | 14.4K words. smut. angst. fluff. established fwb. fuckboy!jk x fem!reader. they’re both toxic, jealous easily, possessive. they both argue a lot and kinda immature and hurtful. y/n has trust and commitment issues. jk has vulnerability issues. protected sex. wall sex. rough. oral (f and m). cunnilingus. fingering. jk’s eats. manhandling. missionary. grinding. dirty talk. nipple play. hand job. blow job. spit kink. deepthroat. Idk what else bud there’s probs more. degrading names—jk calls y/n a bitch. hurtful arguments.

The look in both sets of eyes was lack of amusement. Unsurprised and definitely not at all caught off guard by the sight of other. This was surprisingly a familiar betrayal, the kind that you lie about even when you know you’ll get caught. It was comical even, the need to lie to each other when you didn’t have to. What you two had was not serious at all. You shouldn’t have to lie about where you’d be.

Jungkook was the one to break the eye contact shifting his gaze back to the girl in front of him again. The girl’s brows furrowed in concern, “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong is that you told him you couldn’t meet up with him tonight because you weren’t feeling and now you’re here with some guy. The other thing that’s wrong is Jungkook had also told you it’s fine because he was working tonight even though he’s definitely not. You both were looking for a way to flake’s tonight’s plan to link up despite not seeing each other in over a week. That was already a lot of time without seeing each other and yet you both flaked out tonight. That’s what’s wrong.

“Nothing,” Jungkook cleared his throat chugging down his drink. Unfortunately for her he’s already lost complete interest in her the second he saw you tonight when you were supposed to be home sick. In reality he has no reason to be upset and yet he still was. Why did you lie so you wouldn’t have to see him tonight?

You came into his life in phases, and he’s sure you could say the same about him. You’re really just a fling but you’re the only one he goes back to every now and then. You’re not dating thankfully but you’re definitely hooking up whenever you see each other. It could be weeks before you see each other again but when you do your fling lasts another few weeks. Then, you phase out into your own lives again and ghost each other. A random night like tonight will come where you remember the other exists and you hit each other up to meet, but clearly you both flaked.

He’s just not ready for you yet. He’s not ready to get sucked back into you. He knows that what you two have is a simple no strings attached agreement but sometimes it felt the complete opposite. Like now for example, when he can practically feel the glare in your eyes on his skin. Not that he minds, he likes that you’re the jealous type. You make him feel better for being the same. But still, you had no reason to be jealous when you’re here with another guy too.

You know you don’t have be glaring at the girl he was currently dancing with but you just couldn’t help it. He hasn’t seen you in over a month and he lied to you so he could meet her tonight? Yeah alright. He’s so annoying.

The girl gave him a girlish smile as she clung to his arm, “I’ll be back, I’m going to the washroom.”

Jungkook nodded his head letting her go off as he waited there in a crowd of sweaty drunk bodies. The heat in his body was beginning to rise as if he was a bomb ready to go off. His tongue poked his cheek wondering about whatever while he waited for the chick to come back. Unfortunately, his mind kept wandering back to the thought of you. Before he knew it his feet were taking him in your direction completely forgetting the girl he met tonight. He couldn’t remember her name anyway.

You spotted him the second he made his way over to you and suddenly the guy in front of you didn’t seem interesting anymore. You looked at the guy, “I need a drink.”

He blinked in confusion before your brow arched waiting for him to act. Just like that he was stuttering over his words and he walked away, “I’ll g—go get you a dri…nk, yeah…”

Jungkook was in front of you now staring down at you in hunger that he hoped was masked by complete displeasure in seeing you here, “Thought you said you didn’t feel good tonight.”

“Thought you were DJing tonight,” you said in response. You looked over to the bar where the guy you’d come with waited. Across the place was the group of people you came with tonight where you met that guy from. You had to move before they noticed where you were or the guy came back. Jungkook didn’t even question it when he began following you.

“Why’d you lie?” He asked. He acted annoyed with you even if he was anything but relieved. Now he doesn’t have to pretend to connect with some random girl so that she goes home with him tonight. It was clearly no question now that he ran into you anyway. You’re the one he’ll be taking home.

You didn’t even bother to think about the guy you just met and you didn’t question the girl he was sending back off to her friends. Instead you just pushed on the exit door toward the parking lot repeating the question back to him, “Why’d you lie?”

“I asked you first,” he said childishly as he already took his keys out pushing the button to unlock his car. It’s like your bodies moved on autopilot running to an escape where it’s just you two.

“Are you taking me home?” You asked even as you walked behind him to his car. He turned to look at you waiting a little so his pace matched yours and he shamelessly let his hand rest on your lower back just above the curve of your butt. He flashed you a mischievous smirk, “Yeah, mine.”

Meeting Jungkook unexpectedly had always been the only way you two cross paths. It was such an on and off sort of fling but it was never anything more than hooking up. Sure, on occasion you might’ve invited each other to some party but other than that your meetings were for purely sexual reasons. You did have a partner once upon a time but that was over a year ago. Since then you just meet with Jungkook every now and then for whatever fling you’re having. Then when you two phase out you go back to doing your own thing, going on dates, talking with other guys, etc. The only reason you’d go back to Jungkook every time you run into each other is because of the familiarity.

You hated having to go through the process of meeting someone new. You knew what you wanted and you didn’t want to work for it. Jungkook knew you and your body already so it was easy to fall back into your sneaky link routine.

By morning Jungkook didn’t even question his actions when he rolled over to try and snuggle into you. He hit an empty bed that had his hand searching across your side of the bed to find you. After a moment of blindly searching he finally woke up. You were gone and he meant gone from his apartment. You weren’t in the bathroom or kitchen or anything. He sat up against the headboard stretching his limbs out as he tried waking himself up more. He sat there for a moment trying to regain consciousness and reached over to the nightstand for his phone. You probably woke up early and got a cab or something back to your place.

Now that he was awake he could remember last night. He’d gone to the nightclub to destress and he met that girl there. He had full intentions to take her home until he saw you with some guy and his plans changed. You were his sneaky link, nobody else’s as far as he’s concerned. His chest filled with pride when you ditched that guy for him too. He didn’t even know the girl well enough to care about leaving her when he saw you. It was just so easy with you. He didn’t have to explain why he wasn’t looking for anything serious. He didn’t have to pretend to be pleasured by what they did to him. He had you who knew his body inside and out. You knew how to get him excited and you owned half the pleasure he received. You knew the deal too. Neither one of you expected anything more than a hook up and that’s how he liked it. He didn’t have to play nice after doing the dirty and you knew when it was time to go. It was just so easy. He will admit that you could’ve at least told him when you left. He checked his phone notifications, smiling a little to himself.

y/n: fyi I left around 7

y/n: u were snoring and I couldn’t sleep

jungkook: lame

jungkook: u were snoring too and I put up with it

The next time Jungkook met up with his friends was at Namjoon’s place. He had a few people over since he just moved into a new apartment and Jungkook was bored beyond belief. The only chicks around were his friend’s girlfriends plus their own friends. They were annoying and they threw themselves at him in the most obnoxious way. Usually he’d put up with it if it meant he can convince one of them to hook up but right now he’s not in the mood. He’s debating if he should text you to come over. Fuck it.

“Who are you texting?” Taehyung asked taking a seat next to him. Jungkook didn’t look up from his phone as he asked what you were doing through text. He responded to Taehyung, “Y/n.”

“Whoa, when did you start messing around with Y/n again?” Jin asked sitting on the other side of him. Jungkook looked up at him with a shrug of his shoulders, “Few days ago. I just invited her over.”

“How’s she doing?” Taehyung asked. The last time he heard Jungkook talk about you had to have been at least a month and a half ago.

You fit so well with all of them when you and Jungkook are hooking up again. Some of the other girls Jungkook brings around are just such a drag that being around them is hard. Of course they never last anyway but for some reason Jungkook always comes back to you. Taehyung knows Jungkook says it’s nothing serious and hell you’re both fine with the arrangements but sometimes he wonders if there’s more to it.

Never being the type to question his friend’s relationship he keeps quiet but he really wants to ask Jungkook why he doesn’t just date you. You clearly like each other enough to hook up every now and then and he usually never goes back to same chick twice yet he’s been having random flings with you for over a year. Taehyung gets you’re both busy with work and your own lives he just doesn’t get how that stops you two from seeing each other more often.

When you got here Jungkook didn’t even bother meeting you downstairs. You were let up and Namjoon got the door for you greeting you with a hug saying it’s been a while since he last saw you. Jungkook was quick to go to you then, not hugging you or anything just being there next to you.

“Are you working later?” You asked Jungkook. He was a DJ Thursday to Sunday at a friend’s nightclub and then on the days he has off he doesn’t do anything but hobbies. The pay was good as a DJ especially when he got to work business events that he didn’t have to stress about money. The nightclub was pretty popular and every weekend it was a sure hit to be completely packed. That’s how he met you actually. Over a year ago on your 21st birthday you went to Hoseok’s night club where Jungkook was playing at and your friend asked if you could go up to where he was at since it was your birthday. Normally Jungkook would’ve said no but one look at you and he was even letting you wear his headphones and scratch a record. By the end of the night you two hooked up in the back of his Mercedes Benz and exchanged numbers.

Jungkook never expected to see you again after that but on a night he didn’t work he ran into you down in Hongdae and one thing led to another and you were hooking up yet again. This time it was in the club restroom—very classy yes. Then after that he slid up on your story of you wearing a nice bikini and boom you were meeting up again. In the span of a year you managed to have an unspoken agreement that you were just using each other when you needed it and forgetting each other when you didn’t. It’s the closest relationship Jungkook has had in at least two years and that’s that you’re definitely not exclusive.

“Yeah I’ll go in around 10 and I’ll get off at 3am.” He told you checking the time, “Why? Wanna come out tonight? You can stand up there with me.”

“Yeah,” you answered looking around at all the people Namjoon invited. You got some glares from a couple girls who’d be trying to flirt with Jungkook but it’s not like you knew that. You just knew they were glaring at you like you did something wrong and you hated that. Jungkook didn’t think about it when he threw an arm around your shoulders pulling you into his side only to kiss you right on the lips. You welcomed it of course with an arm going around him.

His lip ring felt cold against your skin but wasn’t a bother. He angled his head to the side to deepen the kiss as your lip gloss rubbed off on his mouth. Your fingernails scratched along the hairs on his nape before coming around to the side of his throat and pushing back. His body moved back but his mouth stayed attached to yours until he was ready to stop kissing. As he pulled away he let his teeth nip at your lip as he hummed, “Mmm, can’t wait to take you home tonight.”

“What if I let some other guy take me home tonight?” You asked. You had no intentions of taking another guy home if Jungkook was around but there’s nothing wrong with a little bit of teasing. Jungkook is very easily jealous and possessive. Even if you weren’t dating he doesn’t give up what he considers his easily. Of course when you phase out he’s got no control over who you see but whenever you’re phased in he tries to only keep his focus on you. Sure, sometimes his eyes wander or his fingers text someone else but it’s not ever more than that. That’s him being a good boy when you’re around. You don’t even know how bad he gets whenever you’re not speaking.

The reason why you’ve never considered making things official between you two is simply because it complicated things. You didn’t want a guy to have any sort of control over you and you definitely didn’t want to be vulnerable around him. When you’re in a relationship it’s very easy to get dragged into this bubble where it’s just you two and he’ll have the most power to hurt you. Why would you want that when you love being a free spirit who could do as they please? And no offense to Jungkook but you could never trust him in a relationship. He was such a player that he wasn’t even dating material you think. You’re no good for him either though. The second it gets too intense you leave, like fully leave. You don’t talk to him until you both phase out and then do it all over again.

It’s just no fun when someone is keeping tabs on you and it’s not like you’re any good at relationships anyway so your sneaky link arrangement with Jungkook was perfect.

“Is that his girlfriend?” One of the girls from earlier asked Jin. It was Namjoon’s girlfriend Sora. She pointed where you and Jungkook stood and Jin looked over too. Jungkook was currently pulling you in for another kiss.

“Not really,” Jin answered with a shrug. He didn’t even know what to call you two. You weren’t dating but how was he supposed to explain you two have been hooking up for about a year now but it’s so on and off that they can’t classify you as fuckbuddies or a couple? Sora shared a look with the girl she brought a long before turning back to him, “Not really or no?”

“Not really no,” another shrug, “I don’t know. They’re not dating I guess. It’s complicated.”

Then, like the evil person Jin is, he smirked mischievously to the two girls, “But if you’re really curious there’s nothing serious between them so I’m sure you can make a move on him.” Jin knew that Sora was only asking about Jungkook because her friend must’ve thought he was. Jin would find it awfully funny if she tried to flirt with him right now that you’re there.

“So they’re not dating?” The girl, Yeonwoo, asked. He shook his head, “No, they’re not and she’s going to the bathroom so if you’re really interested nows the time to go for it.”

Jin really liked having you around actually. Obviously he only hung out with you when you and Jungkook were messing around but you were just so easy to get along with. If you and Jungkook didn’t have that weird relationship going on Jin would’ve made a move on you a long time ago. But he knows Jungkook would never let that happen whether you were dating or not. Jungkook was very territorial over you even if the other girls he hooks up with he couldn’t care less about.

He was actually surprised when the girl actually went to talk with Jungkook. Jin was being messy he knows but it’ll be so funny when you come back and get mad. You’ll probably get so mad you’ll want to leave and then Jungkook will follow after you like a dumb puppy even though he says it’s not serious between you two. That’s part of the reason everyone likes to mess with you two. They wanna see what they can do to upset you both until one of you caved and asks the other to make it official. And Jin was kind of an asshole.

Jin couldn’t hear what the girl was saying but the expression on Jungkook was just priceless. He looked so taken back by her forwardness that when she asked for his Instagram he gave it. He was flirting with her openly. Of course he hadn’t seen you standing behind him looking anything but happy.

When the girl was done she turned to see if you were back yet and jumped back in surprise to find you there. You didn’t make a fuss over it but Jungkook could tell you’d seen too much. He usually doesn’t think about giving some girl his info but when you’re around it just feels wrong. He’s not dating you but for the moment being you’re the one spending the night in his bed or him in yours. That’s why he felt guilty knowing he was caught. You didn’t even give a hint to how you felt but Jungkook just knew you too well.

You forced a fake smile on your face, “Sorry I just want my drink back and I’ll get out of the way.” You were being so obviously sarcastic but you took the drink out of his hand and left. He stared after you as you went to sit with Taehyung and Jin leaving Jungkook there with the girl. Ah shit, he’s made you mad. He didn’t even look back at her as he followed after you.

“Why’d you leave?” He asked sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch you sat on. His knees bumped against yours and his broad figure hid you from the girl’s view. His hands were on the edge of the table, rings hitting against the sides anxiously. Jin and Taehyung pretended to talk about something while making sure to eavesdrop to your conversation. You didn’t look up from your phone, sitting back with a leg thrown over the other as you answered, “Because I wanted to.”

He bit back a comment he knew would only escalate the situation. It’s weird that you two argued. It’s weird that you got jealous and mad. It’s weird that he felt guilty but did it still anyway. You’re just supposed to be occasional fuck buddies. He looked down at the time on his phone letting out a small sigh, “Alright so do you wanna leave and get ready for my set?”

“Not really,” you shrugged not looking at him still. You weren’t too mad but you want to see him act like a puppy for you especially since he’s the one taking other people’s information. He’ll wag his tail after you and it’ll just prove to whoever tried to get with him that he liked his time with you the most. He hit his knee against yours, hand going over your phone forcing you to look at him, “Quit acting like this, do you still wanna go yes or no?”

You only arched a brow at him keeping your distance, “Not if you talk to me like that.” Smacking his lips in annoyance he leaned closer to you dropping a knee to the floor as his hand found your thigh. He leaned up flashing you his sparkly doe eyes, “Come on, let’s go. You already said you’d go with me. You want me to block her?”

“I don’t care,” you shrugged looking away so he wouldn’t see the smile you tried to hide, “Do whatever you want.”

“Oh?” He tilted his head teasingly still close to your face, “I think you do care and that’s why you’re here throwing a fit now.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes and he did the same. There’s no point in having this conversation right now. You’re not dating so he can flirt with whoever he wants. It also means you can’t get jealous when he’s not even yours by heart—body maybe but you don’t own his heart. He looked back to the girl catching her and Namjoon’s girlfriend staring. He looked back to you and took his phone back out. He went to Instagram and to his recent following and clicked on her profile. He shared the screen with you as he blocked her. When he was done he looked up at you expectantly as you smiled widely now. Just like that you were rising to your feet telling him to hurry up before he’s late. And there he goes following after you.

“He’s so whipped,” Taehyung said watching as the two of you left out the door without another word to anyone else. Jin laughed nodding his head in agreement.

Jungkook knows it’s bad. He knows that he’s slowly getting pulled back into you and then he’ll really fall for you. He can’t let that happen, if it does then he’ll be attached and that’s not good. He wouldn’t be thinking this way if his friends haven’t been making fun of him because of it.

He’s Jeon Jungkook, he doesn’t get played by girls. He doesn’t get tied down by anyone and definitely not you. Please not you. He wants to keep things between you without feelings. He doesn’t want to fall for you and get hurt in the end. That’s all relationships are. You’re happy for a while, fall in love, then problems come. You’ll break up and it’ll just be too complicated.

Like this he doesn’t have to think about the shit he does. His actions affect him and him alone but if he’s tied down he could seriously hurt the other person. Or vise versa, something they do to him might completely break him and he’s not willing to let anyone have that power over him. Everyone thinks he’s playing you along but that’s because they didn’t know you like he did. You were just like him.

You didn’t really believe that there were any romantic feelings between you and Jungkook. Sure, you might’ve gotten jealous over him flirting but that’s not because you liked him. It’s because you knew him better and you’ll be damned if you’ll let someone steal his attention away. Obviously he still gave it you and it made you smile but it’s because you won. It had nothing to do with the thought of seeing Jungkook flirt with some girl in front you. No, he flirts with girls all the time. You were just an easily jealous person who gets pretty upset when the guy you’re fooling around with is giving someone else even the slightest bit of attention.

You couldn’t possibly ever have feelings for him. It’d just be weird if they sprung out of no where at this point. You’ve been fooling around like this since last year, it was purely sexual. There’s no way you can suddenly develop feelings for someone like that.

That’s just not possible. The pessimistic side of you couldn’t comprehend the idea of falling for Jungkook. He was just so… simple. Not that he was simple in appearance or anything, on the contrary he was too damn hot. He’s the type to always have someone crushing on him. You couldn’t catch feelings for someone like that. You’d get too mad if you even thought he was flirting with someone and you’ve learned from the past that’s bad. He’s just not the kind of guy you should fall for if you have trust issues.

It doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to him. That’s why you only mess around on occasion. You could sleep with him without worrying about being tied down. You knew that with him it didn’t have to be anything more than sex. No questions. Sure sometimes you had some deep after sex talks about whatever was on the mind but then morning would come and it’s like you were strangers again. Honestly, you preferred it that way. You were a runaway when it came to commitment. The thought of a serious relationship that you actually had to communicate and put in effort for it work was just not for you. You’re a quitter when it gets hard and that’s why you can only be with Jungkook in little bits of time. That way you don’t get overly attached and develop feelings for him.

“Right so you were jealous? Is that what you’re telling me?” Your best friend asked as he laid on your bed. You were currently in the middle of finishing up some graphic logo for a client at work while Jimin waited for you to finish. You haven’t seen him in a while and he loved hearing other people’s lives if it had drama.

“Only a little,” you shrugged confessing to it.

“Then he blocked the girl so you wouldn’t be mad?” Jimin asked before letting out a disappointed sigh, “You are the dumbest people I’ve ever met. Why can’t you two just admit that you want to date.”

“Because we don’t? Why would I want to get into a relationship with a guy I just ran into a couple weeks ago?” You asked referring to your first meet up recently. The one where you ran into him the night you flaked on each other. The universe had definitely thought it was time to bring you two together again.

“Because he’s the one you keep going back to when you’re tired of other hook ups?” Jimin asked rhetorically, “Because even if you won’t go out with him you don’t want anyone else to have him either?”

“Jimin just drop it,” you sighed turning away so you could the stupid devil himself. Maybe he can come pick you up so Jimin would leave. You love him but sometimes he’s the voice of reason when you didn’t want to be. You’ve got too much pride to hear what’s true from someone else.

“I just don’t get it, why don’t you even want to try?” He asked you calmer now, “Why is it so bad to admit you really like Jungkook and he really likes you?”

“Because it’s wrong,” you said stubbornly, “Look, he’s not asking for more so clearly this works.”

“I just don’t get how. Once you’re done with someone that’s it but with Jungkook you always go back when you see him, why?”

“Honestly,” you paused in thought. You’ll tell him why but that still won’t make you want to force a relationship with Jungkook. “I just like how easy it is with him. He’s not holding me up to these unattainable expectations. We don’t judge each other, we don’t ask questions, we just keep each other company when needed.”

“Then, when the spark is gone we just phase out. I don’t have to worry about what he’s doing when we’re not talking and he doesn’t worry about what I do.”

“I just think you’re scared of commitment so anytime it gets a little too serious you both just ghost each other and pretend like it’s no big deal until you run into each other after a while and do it all over again,” Jimin concluded, “And I think you’ll both regret not admitting it sooner.”

You didn’t want to hear what Jimin said. He could be completely wrong. You knew Jungkook, he didn’t. Jungkook would never in a million years try and settle down especially not with you. You just weren’t the type of people to do that. And you’re pissed that Jimin is getting that thought stuck in your head when you know it’s no good. Maybe you have been a little too clingy toward Jungkook and you needed to stop. You did get jealous the other night and he probably hated that. You were basically trying to claim him without even dating and you knew Jungkook hated labels. Maybe it’s about time you phase out again.

Jungkook’s acting like it doesn’t bother him. He’s acting like you suddenly distancing from him this week didn’t piss him off. Then, he got even more pissed off at the thought that he was genuinely upset about it. Who cares if you’re busy? Who cares if you stop talking to him? He knows the drill. He knows how you two are. You were messing around for a couple weeks now so he’s assuming you were just ready to forget him all over again.

“Stop checking your phone and focus on the game,” Jin told him trying to get his attention back to their fighting match. Jungkook was supposed to be playing video games with his friend but he was way too distracted. He asked you to come see his set tonight but you didn’t respond. You also hadn’t responded two days ago when he asked to meet up.

“Where’s Y/n? You should see if she wants to come over,” Namjoon said watching the two play. Jungkook didn’t look away from the television as he spoke, “Why would I invite her?”

“Because you’ve been hanging out together again?” Namjoon said trying to understand Jungkook now. Jungkook just shrugged him off, “She’s got better things to do.”

Jin looked over to him and the angry way he pushed onto the controller, “Are you guys fighting right now?”

“Why would we be fighting? She’s doing her own thing and I don’t care to ask what,” Jungkook told him, “Come on, pay attention to the game before I just leave.”

“Jeez, why are you so mad?” Taehyung asked sitting up from his spot on the couch. The controller vibrated in Jungkook’s signaling his defeat and he threw it on the couch in a fit.

“Why would I be mad?” Jungkook asked even as he huffed in annoyance. Why haven’t you texted him back? Was that it this time? Is he just supposed to go back to what he was doing before he ran into you again? It’s so annoying.

“Because Y/n’s ignoring you,” Jin said even though he knew it’d only set his friend off, “And you’re already missing her.”

“Jesus Christ, what is wrong with you guys? We weren’t dating or anything,” Jungkook scoffed in disbelief, “I don’t give a fuck if she’s not talking to me right now. I was getting bored of her anyway.”

“You’re lying, you’ve been checking your phone all day and we all know why,” Namjoon argued, “Just admit that you’re scared to tell her how you feel.”

Jungkook laughed dryly, “I’m not gonna sit here listening to all of you talk about something you don’t understand. I’m leaving.”

“Jungkook cmon we’re just saying you don’t have to act like it doesn’t bother you when she ignore—“

The door was slammed shut as he left. The other guys sat there disappointed. Now Jungkook is going to act like you. It was about time you phased out anyway. He’s been spending too much time with you lately he should’ve realized it was getting boring again.

It’s fine. He hasn’t slept with you in over a week and you’re ignoring him so it’s about time he goes back to his old ways. Wow, he forgot how freeing it is not to have to think about someone all day. You’d been texting every chance you had and he was bringing you with wherever he went. It was tiring. Good thing he doesn’t have to do that anymore since you’re not responding. He’ll just move on to the next. Easy as pie. You’re not that special to him anyway.

He left to the nightclub just as annoyed as he was when he left his friend’s house. He was just so irritated by you. He didn’t get why you’re avoiding him and he’s not sure why he cares this time around. He just wanted you to come out with him tonight and yet you never responded.

That’s why in the middle of his set, when he saw you through the crowd of club goers dancing with some guy, he called some random girl up to where he was. He used her as a distraction so he wouldn’t think about you but it didn’t work. He kept looking to where you were even as he tried to play music.

“You’re hot,” Jungkook told the random girl without much thought. He didn’t have to think about what he said. He didn’t have to try and charm her when he knows she’ll do what he says anyway. It’s a gift, the effect he has on people without doing anything. He wasn’t nice or anything, he was just attractive and charming and intimidating. He didn’t have to work to have any girl he wanted so trust him when he says he doesn’t care if you’re here with another guy.

At least right now he doesn’t have to feel guilty about flirting with someone. You were here with someone else so he had every right to act like himself.

But it’s the audacity that has him annoyed. You could’ve gone to any nightclub to grind up against another guy but you just had to choose the one he works at. On top of that he asked you to come out with him and you show up with someone else to his job. Yeah alright, he gets it, you phased out. He’ll show you he doesn’t care either.

Fuck his friends for trying to tell him how he feels. As if he doesn’t know his own feelings. He does not care about you like that. He never has. He never will. You’re just someone he goes to when he’s lonely. Just someone who he can be around without any expectations. He doesn’t have to act like he’ll change for you. He doesn’t have to pretend to be a good guy around you. You already knew him. You knew how he was. He didn’t have to act like he was nice and interested in anything beyond sex like he does with all the other girls.

You don’t care if he doesn’t want to commit because you don’t want to either. He doesn’t have to pretend like he’ll call you back after a one night stand. He doesn’t have to lie to you like he does with ever other girl when he says, ‘Yeah… I’m too busy for a relationship. You get that right? Like you knew this was just sex, right? I won’t call you in the morning so don’t expect it.’

So yeah, his friends are wrong. There’s nothing between you two other than a simple understanding that neither of you was expecting anything more than the other. He doesn’t expect you to be loyal to him because he’s not loyal to you but that’s fine. You’re not dating, you don’t have to be. You’re just convenient.

He doesn’t have to talk to you all the time to know if you’ll wanna go home with him or not. You only get thrown back into each other’s lives when it’s convenient. There’s no judgement with you. No expectations. No hurt feelings when he’s an asshole.

Jungkook’s hand shook as he reached for the microphone, he’s not sure what he’s doing though. His body is moving before his mind could process it. The next thing he knows is he’s saying your name over a song looking straight at you watching you and the guy turned toward him. He kept the music going and nobody seemed to notice what he was saying guess but you did.

You didn’t mean to come here tonight, you tried convincing your friends to go somewhere else but Jimin insisted. You tried hiding behind a group of people but Jungkook still saw you. You looked up at him from where he stood and your eyes met. You could see the sharp glare he was shooting you but you didn’t react. You did ignore him but he’s been perfectly fine so who cares. He’ll get over it, he’s already got a girl clinging to his arm. Hell last night he posted on his Instagram story him with some girls. Clearly it didn’t matter if you phased out.

“Is that the DJ?” Jimin asked looking at him now, “Jungkook?”

“You already knew it,” you snapped at him but he only smiled. Of course he knew but he also knew you were being stubborn. Jimin only mentioned a hint of attraction between you two and the first thing you do is try and sabotage it. Jimin shoved you forward, “Go, he’s waiting.”

With a roll of your eyes you did just that. You walked over to where his equipment was set up but before you could there one of the security guards was trying to stop you. Jungkook reached out for your hand pulling you through anyway as he turned to the girl he invited earlier, “Sorry, I can only have one person up here. You understand, right?”

Whatever, it’s fine. It’s not like he’s mad at you for ignoring him or anything. You never get mad at each other over that. You both equally respect each other’s space but if you’re already being dragged back to him maybe it meant you’re not done fooling around. You were probably just overreacting because of the load of bullshit Jimin was telling you. Why did two adults who happen to have sex with each other have to put a label to it? Why can’t you two just mess around without everyone telling you to go out?

Alright, he’s still a little mad. “You ignored my text so you could come with another guy?” He asked turning his back on his equipment letting a song play out. He had to yell into your ear for you to hear.

“I didn’t see your text,” you lied with a shrug, “And he’s my friend so what do you care?”

“I don’t,” he snapped back going back to the music for a second before getting to you, “But how are you gonna ignore me all week and then show up to my job with another guy? I don’t give a fuck if we’re dating or not that’s fucking disrespectful.”

“It’s not that serious Jungkook,” you said defensively. There’s no reason at all for you to be arguing right now. He wasn’t your boyfriend. “I didn’t want to come see you anyway.”

He didn’t say anything for a while before a tense grin appeared on his face as he turned back to work, “Yeah alright then.”

You stood there awkwardly now. Maybe you should have elaborated. It’s not that you didn’t want to see him. It was more so that you didn’t want to see him with Jimin for this exact reason. Still, you didn’t get your point across the right way and now he’s madder than before. It’s sort of embarrassing to argue like this at a nightclub with the guy who’s in charge of the music but everyone so drunk and probably drugged up to notice. Plus, there was a group of people behind Jungkook that you sort of just blended in to. That’s why you approached him without a second thought letting your hand touch his waist from the front.

“I meant with Jimin, I didn’t want to come see you with him because he’s just my friend,” you told him leaning against his back trying to stay out of the way of his working hands, “I knew you’d get mad and I didn’t want to have to explain it.”

“Whatever,” he scoffed. Your arms were wrapped around him from behind but he didn’t react. Yeah, he likes your touch but right now he’s just annoyed. You know damn well that’s not what you meant. You just didn’t want to come see him because you were ignoring him. No need to act like he was the one at fault because he’d get mad. He can see right through your innocent act and it’s annoying him right now.

“Don’t be mad, I’ve just been busy so I haven’t been able to talk to you,” you said hoping he’d stop brushing you off. Even if you weren’t dating and you’ve been avoiding him, you still don’t want him mad at you. You’re not supposed to argue with Jungkook. There’s not supposed to be any feelings there.

“Please,” Jungkook scoffed in disbelief letting another song play fully at a high volume, “You’re never not on your phone. You were ignoring me so don’t act like you weren’t.”

“And stop acting like you didn’t want to come tonight because I’d get mad,” he said, “You didn’t want to see me because you’re avoiding me. Plain and simple.”

You rolled your eyes. Alright, there’s no need to keep arguing. You tried letting it go, “Stop overreacting. You’re not my boyfriend.”

He froze glaring at you for a moment. The song was ending soon but he was just so flabbergasted. He knows he’s not your boyfriend. He doesn’t want to be. But you’re not just going to brush him off like that, at least not without making him snap.

“Oh fuck you,” he sighed deeply, “You can go then, since you didn’t even want to see me and I’m just overreacting. I don’t give a fuck anymore.”

“Fine,” you answered and he let you walk off. He didn’t even bother to look for you in the crowd. He just needed some space and to focus on work alone. This is why he shouldn’t care what you do when he’s not messing with you.

This was so annoying. Why was it getting so complicated with Jungkook? It’s not supposed to be that way. He’s supposed to be the easy one to handle. He’s supposed to be your go-to when you’re looking for some stress relief. Okay yeah, you also got a little jealous when that girl was flirting with him at Namjoon’s place but still. This wasn’t fair. He was mad at you and for what? It’s not like you said anything wrong. You weren’t dating and honestly you’re not even really friends. So what was so wrong about what you said or did? And why did you feel so guilty despite being single?

It’s all your friend’s fault. They all put it in your heads that your relationship with Jungkook was strange. That you two should just go out even if it’s not something either one of you thought about. It’s the reason both of you have been on edge.

Not to mention when he told you to go did he mean from where he was or go from his life? Like was he done with you? Were you losing the only guy you felt could see you naked without any judgement or standards set? Someone who doesn’t think about the type of person you are or make assumptions over how you’d act?

When Jungkook was off all he wanted to do was crash. He got so upset earlier and he couldn’t understand why. He shouldn’t care about who you hang out with but he does. He blames the guys for making him question what he truly felt for you. He still doesn’t understand but he also knew that something was changing. He never cared about what you did when he wasn’t around but this time it was different. He feels bad for snapping at you in the end but he hates being brushed off. You told him he was overreacting and alright, maybe but at the same time put yourself in his shoes. The one you’ve been hooking up with suddenly ghosts you and you invite them out for the night only for them to show up with another person.

The one thing Jungkook hadn’t intended to do was drive to your place instead of his. It must’ve been the thought of you on his drive that made him steer toward you apartment. He cursed at himself for not realizing it sooner but now here he was in front of your building all too tempted now to go see you. He was in the mood to make up. You couldn’t stop talking to each other ending on a bad foot.

It was past 3am and yet… here he was standing at your door knocking. It took you a minute to open but when you did it was clear your night out had just ended as well. You were in the little black dress you wore tonight but your jewelry was off and so were your shoes. He got a better look at the dress again and his jaw clenched at the reminder of the night’s event as he stood in front of you now.

Neither one of you said anything as the tips of your shoes touched due to your proximity. You should probably apologize or make up but you weren’t even sure for what. You both had no clue what happened earlier so how were supposed to act on that? You’d just gotten home thinking about Jungkook and now he’s at your door. Good, it seemed like he was done being mad but you couldn’t just give in, “What are you doing here?”

He spoke lowkey, head tilted to the side in a teasing matter, “Truce?” You pondered over it. Truce? He was done arguing so what would happen now? You didn’t care for an argument with Jungkook. You two weren’t supposed to argue, you were supposed to do other things.

“Truce.”

That was all he needed to hear before he was letting himself in. The second his things hit the floor he was turning toward you pulling you into him with intense desire. Your lips crashed messily letting out hints of leftover anger out through the swirl of your tongues. Your arms were around his neck pulling him closer into you standing in your tiptoes to reach him better. He was fighting to get his shoes while still kissing you and when he stood straight again he took hold of you. His hands gripped your hips pushing you flush against the wall as he pressed against you.

Your back hit the wall in the hallway with a soft thud. You licked along his tongue letting spit pool between you two as he yanked at your dress to pull it up. His lip ring rolled with your lips as his hands trailed over your dress as he began to leave kisses down your jaw.

“Jung—“ his name got caught in your throat as he did what you were about to warn him not to do. You jolted to the side a little with the effort of him tearing your dress apart in a rush. It soon pooled at your feet as he kissed along your neck. You were just in your bra in underwear clawing at his shirt for him to take it off and he did just that before attacking your neck with hickies again.

You licked your lips catching your breath as his hands began to run down your sides. Slowly he was kissing lower, cupping your boobs as he kissed between them. He kissed over the fabric or your bra down the middle of the stomach. Jungkook let his hands roam toward the back, palms flat on your butt as he kneeled before you. He kissed down your belly button and with a tight fist over your underwear he slid them off.

Yeah he knows you two argued a little earlier but it was whatever now. He had to not think about it right now and take what you’ll give him. His fingernails dig into your butt now as he lifted one of your legs over his shoulder. Lightly he began leaving kisses along your inner thighs between words, “You know I can’t stay away from you, pretty girl.”

“Shut up,” you sighed out in anticipation feeling your core begin to tingle the closer he got. He breath fanned your face when he pecked your hooded clit with an extremely soft and quick kiss, “Don’t tell me to shut up.”

“Or what?” You asked with hazed eyes as your hand found purchase in his hair. He looked up at you from between your legs urging you to move closer to his face, then, he let his tongue flatten along your slit. The small pool of wetness collected on his tongue like a puddle that he swallowed back. The hand on your thigh tightened and before you knew it he was pulling on your other leg to sling it over his shoulder too. You didn’t have time to react as you tried holding the wall for support while both your legs swung over his shoulders. He used the wall for support of your weight as his face dug into your heat, tongue lapping at your slick while the tip of it hit against your clit. He was sucking lightly with each flick of his tongue letting your hips buck into his face.

Your hand tightened in his hair yanking him with the movement of your hips. His tongue curled inside your heat traveling between your folds until he was swirling it around your hardened clit. He wrapped his lips around the small pleasure point and started sucking, tongue flicking the end as he followed his cheeks creating a suction around your clit. With his hands busy holding you up he couldn’t finger you so he made it up with the way he made out with your pussy. It was sticky and wet but he didn’t stop, not even when your back arched off the wall for pleasure.

“Wai—I think… Jungk—“ you couldn’t finish your sentence as he felt you getting closer to the end. Instead he applied more pressure to his movements. You jolted in pleased surprise when his two front teeth ever so lightly nipped at your clit, not in pain but in pleasure. His tongue rubbed along your left labia feeling the swollen folds and created a tingling sensation that had your legs shaking around his neck. You rode his face only a little more when his hands tightened on your butt forcing you tighter around his head.

In one go, before you could even realize it, you were cumming with a whine of his name. He let you ride your high using him to get yourself off even with the sting on his scalp from your grip.

It took a moment but once you were done shaking and he was done licking up your release as best as he could, he was letting your feet down. You slumped against the wall, knees giving in as you sank to the floor. Jungkook didn’t think twice unbuttoning his jeans and pulling his briefs down to expose his hardened cock. No matter what was going on between you there was always this hunger for you in the back of his mind.

Your mind was still a little foggy from your orgasm but when his cock stood pointed at you mere inches from your face, you acted on impulse. Jungkook’s hand found it’s way to your hair combing it back so he could see your face as he stroked his cock in front of you. Your lips parts staring down at his size. He had one of the prettiest members you’ve ever seen from the shape to the length. It dribbled clear drops of precum as he jerked himself off to the sight of you. He looked down at your bra in distaste before reaching down your back to undo it. You slid it off as he watched you with pure lust in his eyes. When you looked down at his member, mouth open in want, he teased you with the head. He hit his tip against your lips watching your mouth try and chase him and he smiled.

“You want it?” He asked teasingly letting his dock softly smack against your cheek watching your eyes narrow in annoyance. You were just so pretty like this, well all the time but he was focused on now. He gripped your jaw with his free hand and he leaned down still stroking himself as he kissed you on the lips. You could taste yourself on him and it had your hand going over his to take over jerking him off. He let you, groaning into your mouth at the slight squeeze. His tongue licked along your bottom lip trying to deepen the kiss while your hand worked to get him off.

Jungkook pulled away suddenly looking down at your panting mouth and before you knew it he was gathering spit in his mouth. He put pressure into your cheek letting your mouth open further and without thinking he spit right into it. You didn’t swallow it right away letting it pool with your own saliva and when he stood straight you let it dribble down the side of his dick. He sighed in content at some friction letting his hand flatten against the wall while the other helped line your head with his member.

“Good fucking girl,” he groaned, his forehead resting on the wall as you skipped teasing him to take him in your mouth. He was panting heavily thrusting into your mouth lightly feeling your tongue lick up his length before swiping at his slit. Your hands jerked off whatever didn’t fit in your mouth and when he touched the back of your throat it only made more saliva spill out. Small spit bubbles coated his dick creating an easy glide into your mouth and hands. He was struggling to hold himself back from releasing down your throat but you just made it so hard. His jeans were getting on his nerves now too so with the hand that was in your hair he tried tugging them off not stopping you from taking him.

He had to lick his drying lips biting back a grown when your hand took his balls into hold massaging them like they were for stress. The way you pulled and rubbed them against each other had him pushing more into your mouth. He didn’t bite back his dirty words, “Get up and turn around so I could fill your pussy now.”

It didn’t stop you though, it only made you speed up ready to get him off with your mouth the way he did with you. His abs flexed in intense pleasure as he tried getting you off before he came but it was no use. The second your fingers slid a little too close down his perineum he was shaking in release.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” chains of curse words escaped his lips as you sucked him dry trying to swallow his cum down your throat, some of it drooling down the sides toward your chin and neck. He had to push against the wall and away from you before you sent him into overdrive and as he looked down at the mess between you two he left he was yanking you up to your feet.

“And you still won’t shut up,” you teased gathering his release that dribbled down your jaw and pushing it into your mouth to swallow. He growled at your words pulling you to him by your neck so you could kiss again, “How can I when everything you do drives me crazy?”

You rolled your eyes playfully as he gripped your hip before flipping you to face the wall. You hit it softly hearing his jeans dropped to the ground along with his briefs as he kicked them off. You could hear tearing of plastic and assumed he had a condom in his possession but you didn’t even question it as you anticipated feeling his cock in your tight heat.

He didn’t even give a proper warning, stroking himself hard against as he lined himself up with your heat making sure to kick your legs apart so he could fit. With a hand on your shoulder he thrusted your letting his cock catch on your entrance and pushed in with a growl. You moaned at the stretch feeling him already draw back gently to speed the process up. Not like you weren’t used to him anyway. You stood away from the wall so you could bend forward a little and he began to really thrust.

If you could only see the way his glute muscles flexed with each stroke of his thick length inside your wet cunt. The way the muscles in his thighs tightened and his chest loomed over your back. You wanted to see him. There was nothing better than seeing the way he gasped for you, brows scrunched together and eyes squeezed shut. You tried fucking back onto him but you didn’t want to stand anymore. Feeling you begin to give up around him he held you tighter using you to get himself off for a moment. Then, with a puff of his chest he was turning you so he could lift one of your legs up toward the ceiling.

With the new angle he reached a deeper point and his hand was able to grope at your tits. You whined at the new position trying to pull him closer to you feeling him moan into your mouth, “I don’t care who you’re with, this pussy…”

He hit your clit softly for emphasis, “This all belongs to me. Imma write my name on it.”

“Fuck you,” you sighed out, “I’m already getting tired.”

“No, no no,” he said tauntingly and before you knew it he was picking you up wrapping your legs around his waist, “We’re not even close to being done pretty baby.”

You groaned impatiently trying to bounce on him. He pushed away from the wall walking blindly to your your room. He swung the door open tossing you on the bed, his member slipping out as you sat. He stood in front of you letting your eyes trail over his tattoos and toned chest stopping at his hard cock. You brought your arms up to wrap around his neck and he leaned low enough to hoist you up in his arms again. Then, he planted a knee on the bed and crawled up toward the pillows with you in his hold. He set you down gently looking down at you as he hovered over your spread legs. His covered cock was grinding against your heat, the warm length rutting against your clit teasingly as he looked down.

“Tell me you want it baby,” he bit into his lip feeling the way he slid between your puffy folds, “And it’s all yours.”

You didn’t say anything trying to be defiant but the teasing was too much. You just wanted to reach your second orgasm. “What will be mine?” You asked as your eyes caught sight of a small tube right on your nightstand next to a small mirror.

“Me, all of this,” he huffed continuing to hump against you, “Say it.”

You didn’t hesitate as you took the tube, his eyes were closed in pleasure so he didn’t see you unscrew the top of the lipstick you used earlier in the night. It wasn’t until he felt something strange push against his chest that his eyes widened. He looked down watching as you sprawled your name across his toned, tatted chest with lipstick, “Oh fuck, Y/n.”

“You said it’s mine, I’m putting my name on it then,” you said feeling his eyes drift back to your face. Before you could even think of smirking mischievously his mouth was crashing down on yours as his cock entered your heat again. You both groaned in pleasure as he sunk in, immediately picking up a quick rhythm as he fucked every ounce of want into your tight walls.

“Greedy bitch,” he said moaning as he fucked into you, hips pistoning back and forth letting himself grind when he was flush inside you, “You claiming me?”

“Mhm,” you moaned out trying to meet his thrusts with your own efforts. Your nails clawed at his back feeling him suck a boob into his mouth. You could feel him leave love bites on your chest but the tipping point was when he sucked on your nipple as your body bounced off the bed with each thrust.

Neither one of you had to say anything to know you were both cumming. You knew each other’s body so well that when you were ready, you were releasing at the same time. He grunted against your chest, hips thrusting trying to ride out your highs. The condom caught all of his release that he wished could paint your insides.

You were sweaty and hot gasping for breath as he crashed down over you, the lipstick not even smudging. After a moment of waiting, he was pulling out of you rolling onto your side panting.

It was quiet then letting the effects of intense sex wear off as he looked at his chest in disbelief, “Goddamn you really put your name on me.”

“And you better not wash it off right away,” you sighed out stretching your sore limbs. Nothing felt new between you two because you’d done this before. It was always a little rough and needy with him, always degrading yet so fucking good and that’s why he was your stress relief. He manhandled you and gave you pleasure without you even having to work for it. Then after, you two would lay in bed and not speak of it again.

He turned on his side trapped you against him and let his leg lay over yours in a mix or blankets and limbs. Then just like that he was closing his eyes to lull himself to sleep. His lip ring caught between his teeth as he held you in his arms.

By morning he wasn’t sure what he expected when he rolled over to your side to wrap you in his arms only to hit an empty bed. He thought that since you quite literally put your name on him you would still be there considering this was your place but clearly he was proven wrong. He woke up alone looking around for you them glanced down at his chest at the smudged writing.

He grabbed his phone, chest caving in as he read your poor excuse for leaving him to wake up alone in your bed.

y/n: friend invited me for breakfast

y/n: just lock the door when u go

Right. As if you ever stayed in the morning.

Jungkook tried not to dwell on it. It was the first weekend he didn’t have to work and since you weren’t around he had nothing to do here. He grabbed his things got dressed and left.

He’s grown, he knows what he signed up for. It’s never bothered him before even if he thrived off physical intimacy. You weren’t like that unless it came to sex. You hated being hugged, touched, any of it whereas Jungkook was the opposite. He loved being held by someone he was familiar with and unfortunately that was you. His typical lays are simple list driven and he’s not the type to wrap his arms around them to sleep. He doesn’t know them that well but he knows you like that. But in the morning you always left.

Once he was home he washed off your name and tried moving on through his day. He’s going to try and distract himself so he wouldn’t think of you. He’s realized he’s thought of you too many times recently and that’s dangerous territory. His DMs are filled with messages from people wanting to meet up so he might indulge tonight. Like you said, it’s not like you were dating. He’ll remember that.

You felt bad for leaving him there but you had no idea what else to do. It was just sex right? It always got a little too intense between you two and that’s why you ran away right after. It didn’t stop you from feeling guilty all day. Yet the guilt did nothing to you when you were asked to go out clubbing again.

You forced yourself not to think about him because you weren’t dating, you were only fooling around. He hasn’t said he wants to settle down so you’re not even keeping that thought in your mind. The words you spoke to each other during sex last night weren’t to be taken seriously. You always talked like that in the bed but it had never meant anything. You doubt this time would be any different.

And honestly, he proved you right. He didn’t think of you as anything more than a convenient lay and thats why you’d never date. Why else would you be seeing him tonight with his friends and some girls at a club grinding with them as if your name hadn’t been written on him the night before. And his sixth sense picked up on your presence, turning instantly to look over what had sent a sensation down his spine. Your eyes met. This was deja vu to a few weeks ago.

The look in both sets of eyes was lack of amusement. Unsurprised and definitely not at all caught off guard by the sight of the other. This was surprisingly a familiar betrayal, the kind that you lie about even when you know you’ll get caught. It was comical even, the need to lie to each other when you didn’t have to. What you two had was not serious at all. Yet you both knew it was wrong to act like this as if you weren’t in each other’s arms last night.

At the same time, that small sense of betrayal intensified between the both of you. Voice of reason completely gone from you two as the anger began to set in. The audacity of the other. Just last night… everything that was said and done. Now look.

You didn’t stop your feet as you cross the floor toward him and the girl that had been clinging to him was brushed off to the side. He stood in front of you, drink in hand as you spoke over each other.

“Why’d you leave me there alone?” “Why are you here with another girl?”

“Oh my god,” Jungkook rolled his eyes, “That’s the first thing you wanna say to me? Not even a hello or better yet, an ‘I’m sorry’?”

“Why would I be sorry? You’re the one here already messing around with someone else after last night. I sent you a text why I left,” you said annoyed. He glared at you, “Yeah and who was that friend? A guy? I bet it was, right?”

“And if it was?” It was only Jimin.

“You’re really something else Y/n, if you can go be with another guy then I can do whatever the fuck i want too,” he said over the loud music. Some of his friends had turned to look at you guys, some of the girls there whispering about you but the only one to get close was Taehyung.

“Come on, don’t argue right here—“ Taehyung tried cutting in but Jungkook only shrugged him off. He was mad and even if the stubborn side of him said he shouldn’t because there’s not supposed to be any strings attached. The realist side told him their clearly were very thick strings attached and they were all getting into knots.

“You wanna keep leaving you get what you want then I’m done,” Jungkook said to you, “I’m gonna do whatever the fuck I want too.“

“Oh fuck you Jungkook, don’t act like it’s just me. You never ask me to stay.” you yelled back, “After we fuck you always go and find yourself some other girl so don’t even pretend like you’re innocent. All you want is sex too—“

“Why do I have to beg you to stay? You think you’re that special to me?” Jungkook asked as Taehyung tried pulling him back before you two made an even bigger scene. The strobe lights colored you in shades of purple and blue with red too. The music was so loud and everyone was so close yet he didn’t care about that, “And I’m not acting innocent. I don’t give a fuck, you keep leaving and I’ll keep finding someone else to take your spot. You need me more than I need you, remember that.”

You smiled tightly glaring at him, “Alright.” Taehyung was trying to put space between you two feeling the quick escalation. This is what he meant when he said you needed to figure your shit out together before it was too late. Look at how mad you both were when just admitting you want each other would solve it all. You were jealous and so was he so you’re trying to hurt each other. Jungkook waited for you to finish but you were backing away, “I’m done. I don’t need anyone, especially not you so we’re done.”

“Then leave,” he said harshly. Jungkook wasn’t even thinking right now. He’s said some hurtful things but what you’re saying hurts too. That’s why he had to put up a front and be colder than you or else he’ll really hurt. You didn’t argue anymore, simply nodded your head and did just that. You turned your back to him pushing your way through the crowd feeling all of their stares on you.

“Jungkook…” Namjoon approached him, “Come on don’t act like thi—“

“Back off,” Jungkook pushed past him no longer interested in getting drunk and taking someone else home. He’ll need to apologize later for taking it out on his friends but right now he’s thinking about you. He has no right to be mad at you for leaving when he never asked you to stay. You’ve got no right getting jealous over him with another girl when you know that’s how he is. He gets over one person by getting with someone else, he won’t change for you.

“She’s fucking crazy,” he muttered to himself as he fished out his keys. He knew you really left because he saw you leave through the exit doors. He lost you after that but when Namjoon went to comfort him he couldn’t take it. He didn’t need to be comforted. He needed to find you.

So despite everything he’s still driving to you. Why? Because he’s mad. He’s not supposed to argue with you. You’re the one he feels comfortable with because he’s kept you at a distance. Now look at this mess. He can’t leave it like this. He entered the code to your building letting himself up to your floor. He wasn’t thinking all too clearly. He has yet to figure out what to say to you but he’s still going to you. He wasn’t even sure if you were home yet but that didn’t stop him from knocking.

He stood in front of the peephole so you’d see it was him and waited. He was anxiously fidgeting debating if he should call or text you. He should’ve done that first but as stated earlier he wasn’t thinking. He huffed, “Alright Jungkoom…” he had to talk some sense into himself, “Just call Y/n, work it out.”

His hand was scrolling through his notifications finding one from you and calling you. He tapped against the wall nervously hearing the ringing tone. You could still be out getting drunk, he’s not sure where you went after leaving so that could be the case. But even if it was he hopes you answer.

You didn’t say anything right away but once the ringing stopped and he was connected he was relieved. “Where are you?” He asked forwardly. Now should the two of you talk this out or call it truce again?

You took him by surprise when you spoke, “Waiting for you at your place.”

His whole body tensed as he staring at your door number. You left before him, how long have you been waiting? He took a step away from your door already holding his keys, “You’re there right now?”

“Yeah, for like twenty minutes now,” you said making him pull his phone away to check the time. He was power walking now across the hall back to the elevator, “Why didn’t you call me? Are you crazy? I drove to your place. Don’t go, I’m driving home right now.”

He’s pretty sure he sped through a few yellow lights, really tearing his luck on a Saturday night but he didn’t care. It’s like you had complete disregard for your own safety. At the same time though, Jungkook felt strange over the fact that you both ran to the other without even talking about it.

He hurried to his building, running into the elevators to his floor. If you had already been waiting twenty minutes, it had to have been forty now. It was way past midnight, the sun will be up soon and you were both acting so impulsively. His footsteps only slow with the sight before him once he reached his door.

There you were with your knees drawn to your chest and your head resting on your arms, your legs hid the view from under your dress. It was late and sure, his building was pretty secure and you were on his guest list, but you shouldn’t be out here. You could’ve at least texted him and he would’ve been home a lot sooner. He wouldn’t have wasted a drive to your house if he knew you were at his.

“Y/n?” He called out to you cautiously. When you didn’t answer right away he squatted down in front of you bringing a hand to your hair combing it out of your face. You’ve fallen asleep. The warmth of his hand on your face had you jolting awake in fear. Once you noticed it was him you calmed down. “What are you doing here?” He asked in a whisper, “I was coming to you.”

“I didn’t want us to stop talking because we’re mad so I just came here,” you told him honestly. It was true, you’re not sure what would happen between you if the last time you saw him you argued. What would that do to your situationship? Sure, you weren’t dating and it was supposed to be no strings attached but clearly that wasn’t working anymore. He’d be lying if he said seeing you right now didn’t make him feel a whole lot better with himself for running to you after your fight. He moved to sit now, your legs slightly touching with his as he sat in front of you.

He sighed in exhaustion pulling on his hair when he brushed it out of his face, “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” you ran your hand over your face, “It’s not usually like this between us. It’s always easy and lately it’s just been so… hard.” He fixed some hair out of your face as your knees pressed against his on the hallway floor.

He nodded in agreement, the arm he hand slung over his knee was reaching for your hand. He held it loosely in his own as he drew small circular patterns by your thumb knuckle. He licked his lips nervously, “I don’t like it. I don’t want us arguing Y/n.”

“I don’t either,” you admitted, “But I don’t even get what’s wrong. Why are we arguing?”

You both know why but you can’t accept it. After telling yourself over and over and over again, there you were. Genuinely hurt because of this guy and how you feel for him. It was so depressing.

“Can I be honest?” He asked to which you nodded. Jungkook just stared at you for a moment in pause. He wanted to be honest right now but he’s not sure anymore. What if he got shut down? What if you laughed in his face? What if this only made you pull back even more? He took a deep breath, “I know I’m not the best guy and I’ve been rude as hell tonight but… I don’t know. Don’t you want to try it?”

You looked at him expectantly. He scooted closer looking at the ground. He was just going to be honest. He wasn’t going to try and argue or put the blame on anyone else. He’ll be up front with you if the next time you stayed. “Obviously I know what I was getting myself into in the beginning but, I didn’t expect it to be this hard. And I know I’ve said some meant things tonight and in the past all together but I swear I don’t mean a thing. I just get so mad because… well you know.”

“Like I know we’re not dating but…” Jungkook confessed with a baited breath, “At the end of the day you’re the only one who really knows me. Like—oh fuck, you know what I’m trying to say, right?”

His voice was low, a little raspy and raw, “I know I’m not like a good guy but what I’m trying to say is that I really want to be, for you, I mean.”

“Fuck,” you sighed, mouth dry as you looked down the hall to avoid looking at him. This was too much, but you wanted this. It was just so hard to sit here and try and talk something out instead of running away. You’ve barely realized what you two had during the good times. You weren’t supposed to get attached to him though, that’s why you always left with someone else. That’s why he went off with whatever girl he felt like it when you weren’t around.

Like what was he saying right now? What happened to no strings attached? Was that all bullshit because why are you here right now? Why did you come here in hopes of talking things out with him? You wouldn’t do that for someone you didn’t give a fuck about. You weren’t hesitating because you didn’t feel the same. On the contrary, you actually realized the feelings you’ve got for him but that’s what made you wary. Were you ready to throw a label on it? Were you ready for the work it took to be in an exclusive relationship?

The silence was getting too loud and it took everything in Jungkook to hold his emotions down. He didn’t want to raise his voice or come off negative. He wanted to discuss this not yell at each other again. He’ll wait patiently for as long as possible. He couldn’t look at you, staring down at your intertwined hands instead. You wanted to try and communicate but it’s like you physically couldn’t. You had to force yourself to be open, “I just don’t get it.”

His eyes shot up toward you. You looked genuinely confused, “I mean… I’m not like, someone you should like. Look at us, can you honestly say it’d ever work between us?”

You ran away from commitment and he replaced you whenever he wanted. It was a recipe for disaster no matter how strongly you felt for him. “You don’t trust me with someone else, and I don’t trust you. That’s why we got into this mess in the first place,” you were being cold again.

“Why would you even want me—“

“Stop.”

You looked at him as he cut you off. You didn’t mean to self deprecate yourself but realistically, it wouldn’t work. If you’ve argued this much now imagine what it’d like when you’re together. Sure, you’ve been doing with him for a long time but you never stayed. That’s why he wanted you, because he knew he didn’t to worry about you sticking around.

“Stop trying being stubborn and just talk to me,” he said, “No excuses please.”

“Ugh,” you whined leaning your head against the wall looking at him, “What do you want me to say Jungkook? Obviously I have feelings for you. I thought that was clear.” You were mumbling but Jungkook could sense your defensive tone. You were trying to take things lightly in case he didn’t mean what he was saying. That way you can downplay it instead of being emotional.

“It definitely wasn’t,” he said truthfully. Honestly it couldn’t have been. This switch in emotions had been so intense for the both of you that suddenly all you thought about was each other. There were times you did make him believe you were into him and he’d start questioning it but then you’d ditch him and he’d find you with someone else. That’s why it wasn’t clear to him how felt. And truthfully, he hadn’t even been looking that much into it. He had kept repeating how you were just a fling over and over again to stop from falling for you that he was too annoyed with his own problems. You’d argue and then brush it off like it was nothing because it was supposed to be nothing. Like he said though, those strings were definitely attached in the end.

Jungkook let out a sigh as he held your hand a little tighter, “Then spend the day with me tomorrow. Don’t leave in the morning and I won’t do anything that makes you mad.”

You didn’t say anything for a moment. Jungkook realizes this is as close as a confession to him as he’ll get right now so he’s gonna take ir. He’s always been more vocal than you when it came to any sort of emotion so he knows it’s going to take a minute. You weren’t a talker when it came to changing. You would rather show it or see the effort put in instead of empty words. But he already knew that because he knew you. After a couple seconds you were nodding your head in agreement as he helped you to your feet and inside his apartment. You see how easy this was? How comfortable you felt with him even as he kneeled down to help you out of your shoes? How he unzipped the back of your dress and threw a t-shirt over you? He knew you like the back of his hand so why not try it? He wasn’t even pushing you to answer like he normally would. He was respecting your hesitance in words. Maybe he knew deep down you felt the same and you did.

You sat on the edge of his bed as he disappeared into his bathroom. You’ve been over at his place so many times your makeup wipes were there. He brought them out to you and while you cleaned up he removed his jewelry. He wore black sweats that hung loosely off his hips and no shirt. You know he likes to sleep naked so those sweats will be off soon. You know he’ll sleep on the left side instead of the middle because you like the right. You knew so many small details about him it’s a damn shame you didn’t realize it sooner. Or no, you didn’t want to realize it sooner. You needed to just say something.

“What?” He asked feeling your stare on him. He stood a foot away from your seat position. Your arms reached out to pull him toward you hugging his bare waist and he let you. His arms wrapped slowly around you as he stood between your parted legs, brushing through the hair you had. He looked down at you as you looked up, your cheek against his abs.

“I really want to try for you too,” you finally said making his heart practice stop beating. Now he was flooded with everything that’s happened between you. All the challenges you’ll face transition from what you were to something more. The confirmation he had that you wanted to work on it too.

Obviously there was no promise that you two would go together well in the future but at least for now you’re both willing to see where it could go.

::.

request 1

request 2

y’all this was a trip huh.

listen I don’t want no y/n bashing bc they both got stuff to work on.

no part 2

that’s why I left the ending open but also made implications.

[geopsych]

re: the tumblr ai stuff, please don’t wipe your blog!! your blog has been so important to me and many others as a place of authentic light and beauty and i would hate to lose it forever 💕

there is a way to download the contents of a tumblr blog (it’s in settings, i don’t remember rn, but i’ll find it if you need it) maybe you could upload to another site or a personal site?

i know this is very serious, and i hate how we are unwillingly contributing to synthetic art, but the world would be poorer for me without your pictures <3

Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me.

This is a dilemma for me. I have loved doing this blog and going out to look for pictures and interesting things to bring here has given me motivation and meaning through years of struggle with depression and several kinds of grief. Going out to look for pictures has put me in situations where I have seen incredible beauty, much of which I never really managed to capture. Also, the many warm and kind messages I've received from people all over the world have given me heart and made me feel less meaningless as a person and more connected. Sometimes I've been criticized for buying the checkmarks and giving money to Tumblr but I wanted to do what I could because Tumblr has been my one happy and safe place online. But now this. To me AI in relation to creativity is just a way for well-to-do but untalented people, the proverbial tech bros, to profit from other people's hard work and creativity. It has no redeeming value in relation to creativity and is actively harmful to artists of all kinds. <trying to figure out how to put a read more link here> I don't even count myself among the real creatives, artists and writers and others who have worked hard and put years into honing their crafts, into learning to translate their hearts and unique spirits into their creative expression. I just see beautiful things and take pictures of them. But it would still make me sick to see AI works based on my pictures, on these times and places that have meant so much to me. Recently I saw a set of cat 'photos' on here that everyone was reblogging and exclaiming over but that to me seemed to just be AI art that was more convincing than most. As time goes on more and more output of AI is going to be almost indistinguishable from real works and unscrupulous people will pass them off as real, getting credit for what was actually created by others. Whether they profit from them becomes almost irrelevant at that point because what's worse is that we will have less and less sense of what is real. And as some have pointed out AI will now also be scraping from AI, muddying the waters further from here on in. This is an apocalypse of sorts, an apocalypse of creativity, ultimately likely to kill the joy of artistic endeavor for many who would otherwise produced brilliant, beautiful, funny, and/or shockingly original things. I'm still parsing and dissecting my thoughts and feelings about what Tumblr has done and how to react. Staying and leaving my blog up feels like consent. I am not confident in the integrity of anyone connected with scraping sites for AI. I'm not convinced that a little toggle in settings is going to make much of a difference in the long run. On the other hand I like posting here and I have received enough messages over the years to know that my blog is a positive influence on some lives. I was looking forward to May and June and posting pictures of the incredible beauty of eastern Pennsylvania in those months. And I was planning on making a side blog for posting some poetry I've been working on. It will break my heart to leave.

I haven't decided yet. Believe it or not this whole thing has given me awful physical symptoms. I'll let you know when I decide. Thank you again for your kind and lovely note!