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#like literally “place kiss here”
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This one is "Hook, line... "
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and this is "Sinker".
Inspired by @queenamayasimp 's post on instagram. Amaya canonically has a freckle on her neck (or "neckle" as someone far more clever than me commented on ig). When she let's down her hair, there's a deeeefinite magnetism that attracts Magnifico to give kisses on her freckles. They remind him of constellations, and he'd also draw little zig zag figures on them with his fingers as they lie cuddling in bed together. Wholesome and in love <333
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sneez · 1 year
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more of my oc tervis (any pronouns), the creepiest most miserable little weirdo in town. which is saying something [id under cut]
/ ID: four digital drawings.
The first image is a series of drawings of Tervis on a paper-textured background. A heading at the top reads 'Tervis (Humble)'. One is a coloured headshot of Tervis looking to the left; they have a gaunt face, short receding hair, a scar bisecting their lip and right eyebrow, greyish skin, and are wearing a red shawl around their neck. An arrow pointing at their right eye reads 'one blue eye (mostly blind)'; another arrow pointing at their left eye reads 'one brown eye'. They have a serious, hostile expression. The second drawing is an uncoloured full-body sketch of Tervis. Next to this is the same drawing but coloured and with more polished lineart. Tervis is a thin, hunched figure wearing a long, dark brown robe, a greyish bag on their back, and a red shawl around their head and neck. They are barefoot, and are leaning on a walking staff with both hands. An arrow pointing to the walking staff reads 'needed for walking, useful for hitting'. Tied to the belt around their waist are several long scrolls of paper with writing on them. An arrow pointing to the scrolls reads ''blessings' they paste on infected houses'. Tervis is looking warily out at the viewer from beneath their eyebrows. An arrow pointing to their head reads 'scar from getting hit in the face with a brick (also knocked out a tooth)'. Alongside these drawings are a series of bullet points giving information about Tervis. These read:
   indeterminate age, indeterminate gender
   religious fanatic (unclear which religion)
   lives alone somewhere in the steppe
   dislikes everyone but is nicer to children than anyone else
   has every disease
The second image is a fake screenshot from the video game Pathologic. Tervis is looking out at the viewer; the background shows scenery from the steppe. The text on screen reads:
CHANGELING: I still don’t see what you could have done that would make you personally responsible for this plague. TERVIS: Responsible… no, not merely responsible! This is my plague, cast upon my head alone. I am the originator; my sin is at the root of all. I have ventured into the town. I have seen the canker there. No matter how many houses I bless, my sickness sinks deeper. The rotted limb is the death of the body… Surely you understand me. You are a healer, are you not? CHANGELING: What is it that you are asking me to do? TERVIS: Let me be the lamb, worker of miracles! My blood shall wet the earth, and bright flowers shall grow… My putrefaction will provide the soil within which new life will burgeon, pure and free of sin and decay. Let it be done. I am ready. My failing flesh is but little sacrifice; in death my weakness will be my strength. Soon these torments will be at an end.
Below are two dialogue options:
You’re insane!
What makes you so sure your death would solve anything?
The third image is a fake screenshot from the video game Pathologic 2. Tervis is looking out at the viewer, and has been painted in semi-realistic style. The text on screen reads:
Tervis: Why do you force me to live? Damn you! Your cure is poison to me. Now I shall never be blessed. You should have left me to bleed.
Below are three dialogue options:
Don’t be absurd. I wasn’t going to watch you die.
What makes you think you deserve suffering?
I wish I had.
At the bottom of the image is a line of dialogue which Tervis has just spoken:
The air is foul. There is rot in this place. The stench of corruption shall be – what was it? What was it? The stench of corruption shall be… swept aside…
The fourth image is a coloured scene depicting Tervis and Clara. They are central in the composition; around them is the steppe, which has been rendered in a loose, painterly style. Tervis is kneeling, their walking staff cast aside, and are reaching out their hands to Clara in a desperate, pleading gesture. They are crying, their face contorted in an expression of agonised ecstasy. Clara stands beside them, one hand reaching out, the other held above Tervis’s head as though about to touch their brow. She has a solemn, pained expression. Behind her head, a break in the dark clouds gives the impression that she is haloed by sunlight; rays of the same light fall onto Tervis, illuminating their face and red robe. End ID. /
#artwork#pathologic#tervis!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D#sorry i know ive already posted that fake p2 screenshot i just wanted to keep all my tervis images in one place. please forgive me#i am having. So Much Fun. i would explode and die for tervis shes the worst i adore her#making fake screenshots is so enjoyable i love trying to match the fonts and copying all the little ui details it's so fun highly recommend#i have a lot of tervis lore which i am still developing but hopefully these drawings give you some idea of his character#hes just a mess really. hes got every imaginable problem#that last drawing is her getting sacrificed in the humble ending. she is SO happy about it#also if you didnt see my last post tervis was originally a warhammer 40k oc (which he still is ive just made a bonus pathologic tervis now)#but ive tried to keep a lot of 40k stuff in her design like the blessing scrolls and the uh. Posture#that's also my reasoning for why nobody knows what his religion is. the watsonian explanation is they are just spouting incomprehensible#disjointed passages from some obscure scripture which nobody can identify (and who would want to try really. tervis is not good company)#but the doylist explanation is that it's literally just the cult mechanicus. just ignore all the references to the weakness of the flesh and#the glory of the machine it will all be fine nothing weird here at all#anyway :-) i could talk about tervis forever but i will stop now#i hope you are all well my dear friends! i am on holiday now wahoo#i am also aware that i have several messages to answer which i will do very soon i am so sorry for being so slow as usual#i love you all i am giving you individual kisses on your individual heads. mwah
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blazingblorbos · 27 days
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oh god. oh god. oh.. oh gosh. I didn't expect this so soon. I didn't expect this today, I've been busy with life related things so the HYV calendar is really unbeknownst to me, is this update really next week already?? where can I rant about this- whERe can I rant about this-
oh. I made a blog for that exact purpose ! OKAY—!
fuck. fuck me, dude holy-
FUCK.
the slightly worried look on Arle's face as Snezhevna is reaching out her hand, only for her face to seemingly revert back to cold and neutral once the camera actually focuses in on her. Her tone is cold but her words are reassuring,,,,,,,,
ALSO GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. HOW GENTLY SHE HOLDS HER HAND.
the d o o r. the DOOR. THE FUCKING DOOR, CHAT. the slow opening at first, and once you can make out that it's certainly Arle's silhouette she shoves it fully open - both doors, both hands. incredibly attractive—. the FEAR in that man's eyes.
The crossed hands. We can't see her face but you know what expression she's making (it's not really an expression. it's neutral but you can feel it). THE FUCKING F E A R ON THAT MAN'S FACE.
Oh- she literally just grabbed him by the throat. Just like that- ! There's the expression. Oh, you feel it, alright. If you go frame by frame, you'll notice her eyes narrow in the slightest right before ->
POV: you're getting chocked out by Arlecchino, and that's actually the least of your worries. (my god she is beautiful).
I did not expect him to simply be thrown down to the ground and I ... d i d not expect her to step on his FACE. [insert gay masochistic joke here. you know the one]. Did not expect her to smile (this is the ONLY scene wherein we see her smile even slightly... huh...) *And the reason I say "I did not expect her to smile", is because with the momentum we were getting I thought she was straight up going to crush his throat, or stab him (hand, weapon or otherwise). It looked like she was digging the forefoot of her shoe into the guys head and not the... .. y'know deadly fucking heel, so that.. confused me. (and the sound when she supposedly stomped his head in did NOT sound all that impactful) but ANYWAYS I digress-
I'm of course assuming more happened after the cut to black because . madam where did you get that bloodstain on you—
BLOODSTAIN ON HER FACE!?!?!? (more on this in a second)
Freminet??? Freminet feature ! (not Lyney or Lynette.. interesting). :(((( the poor boy sounds so,, desensitized. His father
holy shit quick intermission. After the mental chronological fuckfest that was "The Song Burning in the Embers" I don't think I can look at Arle and the HotH the same anymore because she's.. she's like not even 10 years older than them (?) it's insane this doesn't make any sense- ANYWAYS.
HIS FATHER comes back with what we later see to be real blood on her face. Tells him "I've acquired new funds". We know what that means... HE knows what that means!!, and the way WE - THE AUDIENCE - know that Freminet knows what it means is because the boy replies "Oh.. Okay.."
LIKE-! chat omg this is truly just routine for them,,,, Like out of the 3 siblings, Freminet always gave off the biggest child assassin vibe, but wow. To see that routine and desensitized nature of the HotH's line of work just,, splayed out in a Character Trailer is . wow. and the look in his eyes as he says it is- wow.
YEAH UHH BLOODSTAIN ON HER FACE??/ The lighting in this scene now is evidently less saturated. And it's just- oh my FUCKING GOD it does so many things:
the blood on Arle's face looks... dry. it doesn't look as fresh as you may expect which could mean many things. It could mean she spent,,, hella long in there with that guy doing what needed to be done. It could mean she took care of something else immediately after dealing with that guy (perhaps smth related to the children Snezhevna wanted to save). But regardless, it means she didn't put in the effort to clean her face and hide what happened. OBVIOUSLY !!! that is so . obviously her style but to S E E IT IN MY GENSHIN IMPACT CHARACTER TRAILER it's- oh my god
it serves to highlight the really, truly, bleak nature of the scene now that we know plain and simple Arlecchino just killed a man. There's no subtext, there's no reading between the lines. The only thing that didn't happen is that we didn't see contact nor see a body. But, no sugarcoating, Arlecchino killed a man. No one is hiding it. You are not surprised. No one should be but damn.
and ofc it acts as a representation of Snezhevna dying...
because it seems like the saturation is back once the camera switches to looking at Snezhevna laying in bed.
And is it me, or does it look like Arle's allowing herself to actually display a tinge of worry in her expression this time? And also, EVER so slightly in her tone as well. You can feel it, it's gentler.
"Once I'm better I'll start my next mission.."
THIS. THIS!! IN SO MANY WAYS THIS!
OKAY. so bear with me. I haven't actually read any of the sibling's character stories yet, so there could be a LOT of info I'm missing but:
There's still a pretty thought-provoking conversation going on (in MY mind, at least) about just how intensely these children are being trained to be soldiers for the Fatui. They're obviously in an environment that indoctrinates them into being soldiers of SOME kind, but I still don't know what kind of soldier that's supposed to be. Are they all ALWAYS extensions of the Fatui? Or are they more-so extensions of Arlecchino specifically..? Snezhevna was obviously trying to help those children she came across, and I'm assuming that happened on her latest mission, so was the mission for a charitable cause?? What was her next mission supposed to be?? Same line of work? Saving people? Or would it switch up and was she going to be sent to "take care of" (kill .) someone???
So I don't know whether to interpret that line as a hint of them being overworked and 1) feeling like they need to continue their work out of pure fear that they'll be deemed ineffective and useless... or 2) feeling like they need to continue their work out of a sense of loyalty and duty to the place that took them in and raised them. Or both..
and ofc the funeral scene. I can't say much more than what's already shown right on the screen.
and am I bugging? Or is the location of the grave....
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#LONG post#first of all. I am kissing Genshin Impact's (HoYovere's entire) artstyle on the mouth.#second of all#Erin Yvette#oh my god Erin Yvette.#the 'My child...' line.. what if I literally blow up the world I'm going to explode#Arlecchino is drop dead gorgeous in this. That's a given but what kind of gay person would I be if I didn't say it anyway#it's always a given with their trailers. A l w a y s.#she's so drop dead handsome oh my god I fucking hate gender#blazingramble#holy shit new tag wtf#I try not to do these on here often but...#meh. my blog#I needed a place to write it down and I'm honestly getting self-conscious abt using my discord server#I say the kids at the HotH are desensitized 'cause like.. it's FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE that they DON'T know!!!!#they can ACT like they don't !!! sure! repression is very real and these kids are exposed to a LOT of trauma. Yes#but they are NOT FUCKING IGNORANT about it#the older ones at least; of course the younger they are the more likely they're sheltered from the Fatui's violent practices#like Lyney Lynette Freminet and other kids their age are child assassins. Now I'm PRETTY FUCKIN CONFIDENT they've killed people#like it wasn't hard to believe before but (and remember I haven't read their character stories) before it was mostly believable conjecture#I can't get over the scene where she returns to the bed#Arlecchino#genshin impact#genshin#genshin arlecchino#the knave#Genshin the knave#blazingshitpost genshin edition#blazingshitpost#Youtube
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ofmermaidstories · 1 year
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merm...bkg hunger games au....
okay so here are my initial thoughts:
1) im actually probably way too into the hunger games to be having this discussion lmfaoooo. im too into it, it’s too perfect, i love it too much. it is basically the pinnacle of all YA and i will fight literally everyone on that.
2) so with the first point in consideration, are we talking like a strict 1:1 AU? Setting it in New America/Panem? Districts with distinct specialities? Commentary about reality TV and modern entertainment entwined with like, the trauma that comes with war and trying to break free of generational curses and etc etc etc? RE: reality TV, I do think we could probably modernise that just a teeny weeny little, to include like, idk, some bullshit about how we’re always under constant surveillance and how we no longer have the time/option to be unavailable (because we’re so connected!). and since we’re like, apart of an actual fandom, maybe we could throw in some stuff about how our more privileged/sheltered audience members would engage in like, stan culture about all these dying kids, LOL. Shipping wars that ends bitterly because one half of the pairing like, idk, clubs the other to death LMAO. Real People Fanfic and the culture war that would come from that (people having a problem with RPF of the tributes bc they’re real people, but like also conveniently like… forgetting they’re real people who are being forced into a death match). would we throw in a line about Reader and/or Bakugou discovering self-insert Gamefic? lmao no wait i made myself snort, we’re absolutely keeping that LMAO. anyways im gonna cut myself off here bc otherwise i will ramble on, but that brings us to point numero-threeo—
3) i recently rewatched Battle Royale (a “random” class entered wins a yearly lottery then dumped on a remote island where they have three days to murder each other—all in the name of keep the status-quo, etc etc, also this is somehow a solution to sky-high unemployment rates etc etc etc.). if we kept the Quirks then like, you could spin it as a dystopian AU where people are fearful of quirks being too powerful, so then ya death-match children are pulled from hero classes and we make Reader end up in there accidentally or something, and oh no! they’re also quirkless (and defenceless hehe).
4) idk. i know i was like hehe i like war! but like, i don’t know how to emphasise how much i love the hunger games LMAO. and how that love sort of translates into the same fierceness i feel about BNHA, when it comes to fanfic—that the canon characters have certain inevitabilities you have to honour. just like no matter the universe, we are always going to need a Bakugou who’s centered around his friends (Deku, always, in any capacity. Kirishima, the first equal he had. Shouto, his frustrating Bestie <3), to me the hunger games works as well as it does because it’s war through the lens of relationships. Gale as the danger of unhealed anger, Peeta as choosing peace—like… that’s the magic of THG to me, and i just…… like…… what are we gonna do with the relationships, with a BNHA cast? 🥺 What would Bakugou be? Do we start with a Bakugou who’s still in Bastard Mode? Has he gone through his canon growth by the time he and Reader meet? If he has, then how was that facilitated in our new world? Did he and Deku end up in the same game? Survive together somehow? How many of their peers and friends do they lose, or does that come later on? How do we fit Reader into that dynamic naturally? the romance in THG happens through like, a need to play the game, play it up for the cameras, but it’s born out of Peeta’s very real feelings for Katniss, that started when they’re kids, and I’m not a childhood friends-to-lovers person (writing wise). The “romance” (if u can call it that) in Battle Royale is probably more culpable to what i do (vague awareness of each other/one-sided crush, grows as they prop each other up) but… idk!!! idk!!!! we could just write up Bakugou and Reader sharing a cave and making out over a festering wound but like…. idk!!! i believe in earning our kisses. 😌 show me the build up in the war-torn society first, and then maybe we can have a kiss later on, lmfaoooo.
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nerosdayinanime · 2 months
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back on my na'vi bullshit im going back to my original thought that they had two tswin instead of the fuckass one out the base of the skull. no. youre a loser. two of those 4 eyes and 4 arms cuz im not a BITCH unlike some fucker in particular
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haemosexuality · 3 months
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the day my grandpa died i couldn't stop thinking about my cousin. he's 10. and he's just, hes so so tiny. hes so sweet in that way only kids are. he still has a little kids voice and hes in 5th grade. hes just a child.
i was 10 when my sister died. those two facts don't mix in my mind. because hes so tiny. surely i wasnt that young. i didnt feel that young when it happened. i felt so grown and mature and like i was taking it so well and being so strong for my mom and i cant accept in my mind that i was that small too
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hecksupremechips · 27 days
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Persona romance routes are all pretty bad but damn they really hit rock bottom with p3p femc route like the misogyny is very blatant and it’s almost hilarious like look at the Shinjiro romance. When you do his social link he’s like very clearly respectful of Kotone as a leader and explicitly says stuff like "oh yeah you’re clearly the best fighter we have, I don’t really know much about fighting like you do, I hope I’m not dragging you down, you’re doing a good job as leader just remember to take care of yourself, everyone looks up to you I know you can rely on them" etc. like he has faith in her leading abilities. But then when you romance him he’s like got dialogue like "bwah bluh i gotta look after you because you’re a GIRL and you need to stick by me, a big strong MAN so you don’t get hurt" and "don’t wear that revealing outfit in front of other guys 👺" and it’s like. Does he respect her or not and also like it doesn’t make sense for him to look down on her for being a girl cuz he literally has never not been led by a girl leader during his time in sees and Mitsuru in particular really has her shit together when it comes to being responsible and a good fighter and she’s always known the most about Tartarus
It’s also like. Idk maybe its just me I’m not a girl so FUCK IF I KNOW but to me the appeal of romancing Shinji is the fact that he’s sweet and sensitive and gentle and has respect for you despite the fact that he acts all scary. That’s like, what made me like this character in the first place. But the writers seem to think what women want is for a BIG STRONG MAN to protect them because they are just DELICATE WOMEN who are inferior in every way it’s like. Shut upppp thanks
#persona#persona 3#shinjiro aragaki#this is soooooooo obviously not the only romance route that sucks in this game yall know which one im referring to 🤨#and i actually tend to think of the shinji romance as the best one in the series cuz at least his confession scene is the only unique one#that really highlights who he is as a character and goes with the story#but ughh just idk its so annoying how the writers cant decide if hes sexist or not its really weird and its like#really shows how poorly the writers think of women playing their game its like all the romance options are trash and then your boyfriend is#sexist to you and its so clearly done in a way thats supposed to be romantic which is. ew#like idk if my partner was like talking about how i need to stay close to them because im a weak girl and they are strong man#especially when im literally the leader of the team and have been doing perfectly fine thus far and am clearly the strongest here#id simply run him over with a bulldozer#and its like this will all the guys in this game its like girl shut up and eat glass#meanwhile when youre a male protagonist your gf will kiss your ass to the point its infuriating#and their character arcs can never be too grand cuz then they might not wanna fuck you if they realize they have worth#uh sorry my brain is all over the place basically i hate persona romances lol and i hate how they wrote shinji in his#like dammit i dont want him cuz hes gonna protect me like a man i want him cuz he isnt great at fighting and prefers cooking and puppy dogs#and has respect for me and trusts my judgement and asks me to talk about my life and interests and smiles sweetly#but god forbid a woman in this series be respected i guess
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iniziare · 1 year
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Muse Aesthetic / Feelings
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𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒.  being unable to stop smiling. laughter. bear hugs. happy tears. waving arms around. dancing. contently sighing. eyes twinkling. laughter lines. childlike playfulness. skipping. talking more. affection. cracking more jokes than usual. gesturing more when talking. higher pitched voice. squealing. jumping around. clapping.
𝐒𝐀𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒. tearing up. self-hugging. one-arm cross. an aching chest. scratchy throat. a runny nose. turning away. deep breaths. quivery smiles. crying. infantile sobbing. hands gripping each other or an object. covering mouth. puffy eyes. eyes appear red. voice breaking. a distant or empty stare. monotone voice. asking for comfort. faking a smile. crumbling. shaking. whimpering. depression. abusing an unhealthy habit (excessive training). withdrawing from others. big teary eyes. doing something even if it could hurt them.
𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑. furrowed brows. baring teeth. passive-aggressive comments. avoiding eye contact. sarcasm. headache. sore muscles. hiding clenched fists. irritability. jumping to conclusions. raising voice. going silent. demanding immediate action. keeping it all in until exploding. body tensing. making risky decisions. middle finger.
𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑.  wanting to flee or hide. what-ifs. images of what-could-be flashing in mind. uncontrollable trembling. rapid breathing. screaming. a skewed sense of time. irritability. keeping silent. denying fear. turning away from the cause. pretending to be brave. nail-biting. lip-biting. scratching skin. a joking tone but a voice that cracks. fainting. insomnia. panic attacks. exhaustion. substance abuse. tics. rushing adrenaline. face draining of colour. hair lifting on the back of the neck. feeling rooted to the spot (!!!) making body as small as possible. staring but not seeing. crying. a shrill voice. whispering. gripping something or someone. stuttering. flinching at noises. pleading.
𝐄𝐗𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.  constantly yawning. blurring words together. dark circles or lines under eyes. mood swings. hallucinations. calling people by the wrong name. dizziness. denying they’re tired. slow blinking. trouble concentrating. stumbling. leaning on a doorframe for support. sluggish movements. falling asleep someplace that isn’t a bed. becoming irritated by the smallest things. “i’m awake, i’m fine.” shaking so bad they spill their drink. fall asleep in their clothes. lay their head on the table because they’re so tired.passing out.
Tagged by: @militus an age and a half ago 🤍 Thank you, I had fun! Tagging: /cracks knuckles. @sicsemper (Gee, I wonder who), @rcdfcxr (initially I wanted to request just Rufus, but I'm really interested in Reno as well, so both!), @inventorem (@aworldofyou because I don't know if you'll see this otherwise), @svnsworn (Jessie), @blitzrod, @tscng, @sentmail (I'm on the 'Lemme learn about Kunsel' train, shh), @lionfated (I've been missing Leon, pretty please), @annjiru (I also am on the Angael train still), @cwarscars (I need you to envision me as a koala very dramatically clinging to your leg), @spynorth (if you tell me you've done it already Lucas, it doesn't matter, do it again and again!), @trickstercaptain, @freedomhasfangs, @lighthouseborn (I can never have enough Henry Turner in my life, ever), @weaponiised, but also— @liifestreams (please give me Reeve, the novel is killing me slowly and he killed me a little). And anyone else? Steal it, I'm sure I've forgotten people and it's nothing personal whatsoever!
#[ tifa lockhart. ] she had buried the twinges of guilt beneath the narcissism of self-sacrifice. beneath the belief of 'the greater good'.#[ tifa lockhart / et cetera. ] but i work for shinra. i'm the enemy. / i don't care. i don't want anyone to die. please!#[ tifa lockhart / meta. ] people have many things pent up inside of themselves. so many things they can never forget. strange isn't it?#[ it has been years and i still never can decide what to 'file' this stuff under. probably just a me problem. ]#[ it's not quite meta because i didn't write it-- it's also not 'relevance' because-- well. not using it for this. ]#[ any way-- this was /very/ fun actually. and i sat here in contemplation for a few of them. ]#[ this actually puts into perspective; again; why i love the nuance of animation that remake gives tifa. ]#[ the voice and animation definitely added to just about anyone; i always want to point out how much of tifa is in the subtleties. ]#[ the clenched fists-- the self-hugging. the doubt that lingers within regardless of anger. and how it's shown even in little gestures. ]#[ like when she suggests going out on the town with cloud and he questions her for half a moment-- she folds back in on herself. ]#[ same thing with the train for example-- literally rooted in place. and it's not taking away from the bravery she holds on many levels. ]#[ it's the nuance of bravery-- that it isn't black or white. you can have doubt and i think the remake did a chef's kiss job with that. ]#[ because we're so immensely layers as human beings-- so it's incredible to me to see a game reflect on that so heavily. ]#[ that game is incredibly human. it's an incredibly good depiction of human nature and reactions. ]#[ and god-- the VAs add to that magnificently. truly. ]#[ i literally cannot praise britt enough. she was so nervous and she aced it. they all did. ]#[ god; all i can think about (especially) is the 'what-ifs'-- literally. doubt. /doubt/. and that is what makes her so good. so real. ]#[ i'm gonna ramble a little more; excuse me-- can we talk about how realistic that is? no one who's brave won't doubt their actions. ]#[ tifa has lost everything to shinra-- sephiroth is shinra 'gone wrong'. she lost everything at his hands and no one could stop him. ]#[ not even shinra itself and that's very important. there's so much anger there that drives her to do selfish things. ]#[ and i note selfish because on the way to a smile has touched on this magnificently as i'd hoped it would. ]#[ she wants them to pay-- she wants her revenge. but she; arguably more than anyone; is aware of what that costs. ]#[ if avalanche goes through with this-- and she helps-- AND SHE DOES. she is responsible for people losing... ]#[ what she once lost. ]#[ and that is /so important/ to her character. before that happens; she is riddled with doubt. before she boards the train-- ]#[ when she's boarded the train and needs to jump off. that moment is /the/ moment where she makes a huge decision. ]#[ because look at how she is once she's jumped off. that entire chapter. she's relatively certain. she's going through with it. ]#[ no way back. ]#[ and then the plate falls not long after. /and then the plate is dropped/. yep. ]#[ ... i'm about to hit tag limit; don't worry-- i'll type about this soon. it's in my onenote! ]
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mooodyblue · 3 months
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venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
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gaysexforlosers · 8 months
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its missing my boyfriend hours. hhhhhhhhhhh
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GUYS I AM THE LUCKIEST BUG IN THE WORLD ;;;;w;;;;;
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honestly like. the more i take it apart and examine it, while going into it entirely is going to be A Post or Three of Its Own and will probably get its own thread: i think one of the reasons nine in canon upsets me so much is that i genuinely related to the version of him that made sense to me, when i tried to apply some continuity to his character from before his imprisonment vs after. he's actually the muse i wrote for the most prose for in this fandom, even more than five--which is saying something!--and he came to me pretty easily.
[longpost and Decidedly Harsh toward canon's depiction of him, but less ARGFMSKDKDKFK HATE than usual so much as 'man the awful way these people handled him was a waste.' believe it or not i'm actually pretty attached to him, but as the secret Better Version that lives in my head lmao]
the arc of his character could have been such a good one about how men and boys and the people around them are harmed by toxic masculinity, and examining the ways in which that's held up by other cis men, every other configuration of gender and AGAB, and both. he came through loud and clear to me as an example of a poorly socialized, abused, isolated homeschooler with very little life experience, who is throwing bits and pieces at the wall that he's cobbled together from the outside without understanding the experiences behind that kind of thing, to see what sticks. all this while having suppressed and sublimated his emotions so much that he doesn't actually recognize what he's feeling, and goes 'well, i guess this trauma reaction to killing people means i like killing people. let's go then!'
like... in canon, you can kind of see how the seeds of his trauma, and baseline personality, from before his capture might have gone septic in the process the way it does in canon. if he was already the kind of person who would spit that result out on the other side. the writers used his Acute Trauma as an excuse to go 'anyway his cêpan was a sexist dickhead under the guise of ~respecting women,~ and he got captured by pursuing a normal teenage crush and blames himself for it, and then he went through solitary for a year. so now he's a gleeful sexual predator who harasses john and thinks women are meat!'
and this becomes even more glaringly obvious when you set it next to how the aftereffects of his trauma are (not) depicted. this kid spent a year in solitary confinement--broken up by the intermission of mercy-killing his adopted dad after watching his torture--while not being fed enough and hurting himself on the forcefield on the regular. he's not going to immediately come out of that Ripped and an Incredible Polished Fighter; he's not going to come out of that a ~charming edgy debonair lovable asshole.~ this kid knows what the fuckin hat man looks like, dude. that's shit you come out of an emotional, physical, and psychological wreck, and not in a 'haha look how rude and boundary-pushing and violent and sleazy i am uwu' way.
he is barely going to be able to walk out of there on his own two feet. he is going to be hallucinating and not remember how to tell faces apart. he is going to freak out at anything like an enclosed space. he is going to be food-insecure. he is going to be constantly finding ways to self-harm when he feels at all out of control, and once again not in a 'haha i'm so quirky and edgy' way. he is going to have obsessive rituals and get stuck on repetitive thought patterns because you run out of shit to think about after a year with nothing to do but pushups, even before you add in the shiny new PTSD events to obsess over. which tend to take up all of your brain space even when you aren't isolated with them for long periods. he is going to be doing weird fucking shit after he gets out, bizarre and frightening shit that's not just 'being violent and a dick,' and other people will probably notice.
and all of this is before you factor in his backstory! (which, by the way, is not conducive to him coming out of his imprisonment an Unstoppable Highly Trained Killing Machine. he was taught how to actually fight opponents for Three Whole Ass Weeks before he got captured, and none of that was training against human-shaped opponents. i don't care how many pushups he does over how long, he still has had zero practice fighting Other People and that's immediately going to fuck him over in a fight. it's one thing to have him be dangerous because he makes up for lack of skill with being completely fucking berserk with zero regard for his own safety or anyone else's, but he's not going to be an unstoppable whirlwind of death. and you're not going to build muscle while you're being starved.)
and like. i could go on for a long time about how they fucked up his character to the point where seeing him onscreen anywhere outside his novella makes me instantly want to flip a table. but i think so much of what it comes down to--and i don't say this casually, i mean after laying out and examining all his scenes in the first series--is that he doesn't actually have an arc. he doesn't grow. the entire point of his character's existence is to be an awful person and never be held accountable, self-examine, or allowed to face any kind of real consequences for it.
it's genuinely fascinating to examine all the different methods they use to do this (which is for a whole post of its own), but he's not an exploration of culpability or responsibility--for past, current, and future actions--the way five's arc is. he's just a parade of all the abuse tactics and rhetoric the authors could think of, both direct and via enablement by people around him, to pour into one guy. nine is literally The Missing Stair: The Character.
contrast this with five getting nailed to the fuckin wall for things that are often, arguably, much less horrific or unhinged than what nine does. he's treated like a ~broken, irreparably insane monster~ by characters and narrative both. he's punished brutally and endlessly over and over and over and over no matter how much he tries to grow, or make amends, or even lay down and take everything that might be done to him as punishment because he Deserves It for, [checks notes] repeatedly having been groomed and manipulated for years. If You Can't Tell I am a Little Bitter
and it's not just other characters who suffer for it. the creators are SO invested in nine never being accountable, by himself or anyone else, that he is PUNISHED FOR IT when he makes even the slightest effort to unpack. when he has a moment of vulnerability during a breakdown over fucking up, he is restrained in exactly the same way as when he had to watch eight die. this so that he can have his self-blame literally beaten out of him to make him 'stop moping.' the writers don't care about his trauma, or being compassionate or fair in their portrayal of it, or letting him heal. the only thing they care about here is getting to write a Missing Stair as a good thing, and trying to get you, the reader, in on it by forcing you to like him.
anyway just. man. they did nine so fuckin dirty and their version of him brings down every other narrative around it. i know i rant about nine a lot but justice for my boy
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bakatenshii · 2 years
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angel life update??
HELLO HELLO I AM ONLY DROPPING IN BUT THE LIFE UPDATE IS @blahkugo AND I ARE UNITED NOW SHE HAS COME TO MEEEEE REEEEEE ᕕ(˵•̀෴•́˵)ᕗ
(I HOPE U ARE WELL MY LOVE I AM ETERNALLY BLUSHING AND KICKING MY FEET THAT U THOUGHT OF ME AND DROPPED BY TO CHECK IN. I AM GIVING U THE GENTLEST FOREHEAD KISS. PLS STAY HEALTHY THE WEATHER IS CHANGING SO DRASTICALLY MAKE SURE U R NOT GETTING SICK KISS KISS <3333)
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michiganmerchant · 1 year
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as always pls do not interact with this post or read the tags
#if i distort this picture enough maybe i can talk about superhell tonight#and if YOU recognize this picture you are just as BAD as me#the height difference is killing me it's really killing me it's not the oerfect distance for a forehead kiss but thats not what i want#that can be platonic. nothing platonic going on here folks!#when they make out it's always going to be deliberate because he's always going to have to lean down#there is as always something poetic about him meeting him at his level#it's like. i could've left. i could've stayed in the ohl. i could've not chosen you#at every stage that i did choose you above everything else#it's like. we were not meant to be together like this#both literally and figuratively too!#but i want you with a ferocity that rivals nothing else in my life#and i'm going to get you. because you want me too. because we can have everything we want!#i'm going to meet you at every level i can#honestly would not be surprised if through the strength of superhell he gets an nhl contract#or even an AHL contract that puts them in the same place#literally package deal do noy separate you are one half of my whole soul etc#anywhas no mistake what they have and what he wants and what they BOTH want which is simply. chef's kiss#it's like. this has always been clear to us. never been a question. 0 hesitation 0 moral ethical objections 0 regret#the first time he kisses him he knows its going to happen because again. no accidental forehead kisses with that heigh difference#its all about CHOICE. its all about KNOWING YOURSELF AND EACH OTHER. its always about being DELIBERATE#going to superhell tonight#thinking. perhaps even thoughting. thunking.
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pepprs · 2 years
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alright so i am a little more normal now because i had counseling yesterday and so im working onm y capstone and actually making fairly okay progress so far and i need to get it done by 11:59 tomorow and i dont know if i can but i cant think about that. also i am growing increasingly aware that while im not sure exactly how much time i have in this room the days and hours are quickly dwindling and i am not going to have any time to brace myself for the pain of unmaking it my room and also of losing all o fmy routines that ive had here that have allowed me things i very desperately need and wont get when im at home. so lole and lel to that
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sprinklethetangerine · 3 months
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I'm just sitting out in the garden wasting time. I'm so fucking upset abt light pollution rn. Are stars even real atp? :(
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