#like mid-week i wanted to talk a lot but i couldn't move so lol to that

[keeps-ache]

technically, i'm better now! woo!! but my bones say no, ykno?

[aerodaltonimperial]

friends, i have had a phenomenally shitty week, so i want to talk about my favorite topic (junglecorpse) and specifically why the pillars storyline was unhinged (because it was) but MORE specifically why actually, it's even WORSE (read: better) if you have the final piece to the puzzle that vamp and i ironed out a few months back, and that was the fact, of which we are about 98% sure, that:

jack was supposed to be a heel in the pillars storyline.

let's dig, fam.

this theory is supported by a whole fucking host of things, but notably A) the absolute shitshow that was jack's sept 2022 thru december 2022, when he essentially disappeared for months, reappeared for the cage match with luchasaurus, and then disappeared again until mid december when junglehook started, which leads us to B) junglehook was a disjointed mess, and C) jack's entire existence in the pillars story was weaker than the others because they couldn't run him as mean as they had planned.

obviously, the reason for the shift in his heel turn was christian cage's injury in september 2022, which took him out until february 2023. christian was the final pin in jack's turn, and when he went out with injury, they were stuck. jack literally couldn't get to where he needed to be. they stalled, he did nothing for awhile, and then they ended up shoving the beginning of the junglehook story in with all the grace of a sledgehammer lol.

(bonus! this also explains why the TNT belt was passed around like a hot potato in early 2023, because luchasaurus was also supposed to get it earlier! and that, too, had to be bumped until christian was back.)

the reason they had to do this, i'm pretty sure, is that the pillars storyline had a lot of moving parts. a LOT of people were involved in it, and it culminated in double or nothing. so they couldn't just move that because jack's story had paused. what they had to do was run it as scheduled, even though it ended up falling RIGHT after when christian finally returned and they could do the dramatic coffin match at the PPV to cement jack's departure from christian altogether but BEFORE he'd actually gone rogue.

(also fun bonus: jack's heel turn was supposed to be so much smoother! it would have been a seamless christian betrays him --> lucha betrays him --> jack defeats them --> jack then turns on the next person who befriends him (hook). now, everyone on tumblr could see the heel turn coming a mile away. but other people, like the dudebros who stood behind us at blood & guts, were "totally surprised and didn't see that coming," and while yes, dumb, also not ENTIRELY their fault cause admittedly it got pretty disjointed.)

it didn't matter that jack hadn't hit the heel turn yet: the pillars was going to go ahead as scheduled. except that him not being a heel meant they had to change A LOT. (my kingdom for newly minted FTW champ jack perry to have swaggered into the ring having decided he wanted mjf's title instead MY KINGDOM) jack's weak insults against the other pillars were probably as hard as they could let him go without the douchebag aviators in place. he walked out in the PPV with NOTHING as an entrance (because they had nothing pre-planned for him being a face lol) when the others were all like "SCORE 5 full minutes to do whatever bullshit i want to do."

but if jack had been a heel during the story's run, then there's no way that, given the chance to turn on someone to get the belt, he wouldn't have immediately taken it. because he ALREADY SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT. this means we can reasonably assume all the "doesn't betray anyone" bits were added in only when they had to change things. at that point, they had two choices: they could just run it with him as a face and accept that it was a weak entry, or they could double down and decide to use it as more lead-up to his heel turn. they chose option b.

option b is FUCKING UNHINGED when you look at it in hindsight.

like, i get where they were going with it... on paper. jack is asked to betray someone!! but he can't!! .... and then i stall out, because any normal, logical person on the other side of the table during this pitch would have asked, "but why not?" and the answer is, "..... uh, he's a good person...? and, uh, it's darby."

exCUSE ME??

the fact is, no matter what the original storyline was, the canon we ended up being given was that jack was given not one, but TWO opportunities to turn on darby, ONE OF WHICH WOULD HAVE PUT THE AEW CHAMPIONSHIP IN HIS DESPERATE HANDS, and didn't take either of them for reasons that are never stated, and then ONE MONTH LATER turns on his very bestest best friend hook for his UNSANCTIONED title belt.

darby.

a guy jack hadn't had a singles match against since 2021, who used his promo time for that match telling jack that he needed to "flip the switch" and stop being so nice. they had no other aew history. none, besides a few random multi-man tag matches and one tag match on the jericho cruise (which isn't really aew canon, but i would murder to get my hands on the footage of). that guy. and they never. fucking. explain it.

they knew exactly what sort of quandary they were creating with this. someone HAD to have asked, "okay but WHY wouldn't jack just move the heel turn here instead?" and what a great question, if not for the fact that hook and jack had already decided to be each other's frenemies forever and the FTW hand-off had already been approved by taz. obviously, yes, the heel turn has a lot more weight when you betray your best friend and not some random dude that supposedly you don't even like. that makes sense!!

except that it also creates A BIG GAPING HOLE THERE. and no one ever bothered to put any other reasoning over it. they just said... well!!! why not!!! and left us all to sit here and go insane because of the implications. at this point, i'm 50% sure that i'm SUPPOSED to be shipping this, because i really can't see any other option why i'm supposed to believe that jack wouldn't turn on darby to get the BIG SHINY CHAMPIONSHIP BELT but would, a month later, turn on his most specialist best friend ever lol. THERE IS NO GIVEN REASON. they got to, like, the outline form of this and decided it was good enough and then they ran with it. they used it as the heel turn lead-up, and allowed it to remain forever in "okay BUT IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY MAKE SENSE WITHOUT MORE BEHIND IT" story land.

the pillars story concludes. they throw junglehook back at us so they can complete the arc. (hook had the weirdest title defense matches during this time: a dark match, the stokely match, and ethan page like 5 times, half of which were in the house tour that no one got to see unless they were there. everything else was tag stuff - because he was also stalled out until jack was free again lol) jack turns on hook, his heel turn is complete.

that bizarre, unhinged decisions to not turn on darby TWICE are left just open behind him, and they never even have darby show up to ask the BURNING QUESTION of "yo, dude, why?" darby just goes after jack's toxic ex-mentor with single-minded determination that i literally could not have made up any better for fanfic if i had tried LOL. and then loses his adopted son to said ex-mentor as ex-mentor builds himself jack 2.0. i'm fucking feral. who the fuck wrote this. jack, i demand answers.

ANYWAY there are lots of fun things you can slot into place when you look at jack being a heel by the end of february 2023!!! so much!!! would have been different!! and while i would love to have seen how they were planning on running the pillars storyline that way, i can't complain with what they gave us, because i swear, they were like, "let's make something obnoxiously, soul-crushingly, disgustingly romantic and then never, ever speak about it again" which, admittedly, is pretty much par for the course with aew.

[fractalkiss]

tierno (ferrari au) fic notes / commentary

i've tried a couple of times to start writing this post sooner and each time i've just stared at the blank grey space and just closed the text editor. and now it's mid-june. lol how has it been 2 months already since i posted this fic. but i will write this up since i do want to talk about it, belatedly, and it was born out of an au by a friend that i really had a lot of fun coming up with inspired by the lovely art.

concept

obviously this is all thanks to dave @penaltyboxboxbox. i distinctly remember looking at the piece and going 'WOW so cool! how would that work.' i moved along and went back to life. and then a week later i saw it reblogged again on the dash and got slapped in the face by the question. literally how would that work. how would it happen. i love canon divergence sooooo much btw even though i was worried about having to change the year in dave's work from 2017 to 2018 because lol, the fucking research threw me a curveball.

thought that this was going to be fernando pov because to upend and change his ferrari era from loser to championship winner with the red team, would be cool. and then i figured it couldn't work because i already knew what i wanted to happen anyway with him in the fic - that he'd retire after the championships, after ferrari just cannot keep up with the evolving changes in the sport over the years compared to their stronger contenders. retirement is all so anti-climactic and a given, so what the hell would even be interesting there lmao. it would feel like a weird fix-it and i have never done a fix-it fic in my life. let flaws be flaws etc.

so then i started writing this in lance pov, and told myself that this would just be me exploring how would lance be like in a team without his father's direct influence and hold. i say direct, because i'm always reminded of the rumours that lawrence funded some part of fernando's career as well while he was in ferrari, but don't quote me on that those are just (believable and unsurprising) rumours.

process

started writing this early january. and then i did not touch the wip at all or write anything for about 3 weeks in february?? i spent so long just casually trawling for research in between writing the first few scenes because i had not figured out what would be the conflict yet. i asked a couple of friends to read over some of what i had, just to help me point out any blind spots. sometimes i still can't tell how my tone comes off in early draft stages. i kind of knew what i wanted to do with it, i just didn't know yet how to execute it.

thing that never fails to surprise me about writing is that whatever i think would be so fun and exciting to do would STILL turn out to be excruciating and difficult on some days. i think i've made about 6 versions of the draft. i love research and i LOVED that this gave me an opportunity to dig into more things, but at some point, the research felt like too much, but i managed to spread it out in a digestible way in the story. it's challenging to glean what you can from actual canon to use in a fic without it sounding trite or boring, like some mechanical retelling.

ANYWAY. by the time i'd written the 2016 party scene where lance and his gf were eavesdropping on fernando having sex with not-linda, i still had no fucking idea what a good narrative here would be. i was distracting myself by making the playlist, and choosing to just move around parts of the wip here and there in the doc aimlessly just to see some things and hope that i'd figure it out. to put it simply: fernando wins a few championships (stared at some of the details in dave's art, and got tickled at the cards and their numbers) then retires. ok. and lance would eventually move on from ferrari, which he will at some point if they don't give his seat to someone else, but he'd have his father to fall back on so ok. how boring.

and then i realized, hold on, that SUCKS actually. that would kind of be a huge fucking bummer if you were already finally living out a childhood dream with the team almost every racing driver dreamt of. huge bummer when your big fat crush retires as well after a harrowing but magical year of finally getting the validation you wanted.

there's something devastating about how quickly athletes are forced to grow up, and with lance, the issue is both obvious but also it's complicated. it's not as if he doesn't possess any autonomy to make his own decisions, but there's a certain agency you're not entirely granted with when you do something with a parent, no matter how loving and giving that parent is to you. lance is like...the schrodinger's cat of an adult but i could say the same about all of these men and people born into wealthy privilege, or people who could never just bear to cut off their parents, to some extent. of course it's fernando who has to tell lance this in the story: "I will tell you something your father won't. You are upset because you know now what it feels like, to have people support you and your racing ability without him."

also something really devastating about how family is just a self-fulfilling prophecy. i love that word, self-fulfilling. i think it's tragic and i do think everything about ferrari is tragicomedy so it goes hand in hand.

this is why i also think andrea stella and fernando's driver-engineer relationship is compelling: fernando has everything he should have to win, except the one thing they can't grant him. but he thinks he should be grateful to be in the team, and he's teetered back and forth between demanding everything he should have and not wanting to fuck things up when he's fighting for championships, so he clings on to the belief that ferrari seems to carry, that ferrari makes you feel, and you can hear the trust in andrea stella's radio messages to fernando that i (and plenty of others) believed was kind and steady and almost nurturing to fernando in getting the most of the car and helping to fine-tune his strengths as a driver amidst the pressure. you can't truly say that luca baldisserri following lance to williams after the fda was even close to a similar parallel done entirely out of devotion, but i'd like to think it was duty, on luca's part. plus, if engineering young racers' wins in junior series gets you a nice salary from their dads, why not.

highlights of finishing this fic were:

getting to see beautiful and harrowing fanart of the fic by dave.

writing and getting to share the research and lore i gathered in this post. first time actually trying to put something like this together, and it was so fun... i love putting in my little captions under photos and adding in sources.

some of my fave lines from the fic:

"Thanks. You too," Lance replied, and Fernando's smile crooked up into a real one, sharp enough that it fish-hooked a fresh wave of fascination in Lance's stomach. Perfect teeth, Lance thought to himself as he ran his tongue along the back of his own.

There's a saying that Fernando's mother taught Edoardo. The saying is Spanish, Edo's words lilting in a thin curl that Lance had to lean forward a bit to hear it again: La cabra tira al monte. The goat always takes to the mountains, which then means that you can hold down the goat in a pen but that won't change where it came from. "Fernando has always been who he is, and his heart, always up in the real mountains of his home," Edoardo said, raised his glass of lemonade in mock salute, and Fernando silently flicked a card at Edo's direction across the birch table almost childishly. That race weekend in Montreal, the weather stays the same, as clear and beautiful outside as it had been all week.

Lance stops idly rolling the pen he's been holding, a habit he'd gained from writing the confidence mantra they'd made him do at the academy. "Well. Can't beat a dead horse." "Beat, what?" "Luca was done here," says Lance, shifting in his seat. "So I'm saying that it's pointless because uh, the horse is dead and you can't like, get it to move." He makes a whipping motion with his hand.

As a teenager, Fernando had Ayrton Senna's picture stuck on the inside of his closet above his racing gear. For all of Lance's responses to the obligatory interview question that asked who his favourite driver was, he never had Fernando's picture up in his bedroom. Didn't exactly need it when Fernando's been around for years now, coming and going at Dad's invitations in the warmest season like object permanence developed through red-toned photos of a memory.

i love the theory of object permanence so much btw!! just saying.

writing anything new lately has been um...well. i thought i could do it again last week, but it turns out i'm still not fully back into it yet. and that's fine. i signed up for a fest (non-motorsport fandom) so...pray that it will help me kill the fears. guess i'll also go back to my attempts for other fic ideas, we will get through this. i'm trying to write more intentionally, less reactionary, so i guess if that means putting out less things then this is positive at least. hope i have fun along the way is all!

[cheval-grand]

i was gonna vaguepost this because it's really dumb but actually no. i want to talk about this because it's been the highlight of my week since my cat passed away (he was 22, couldn't be helped, but still hurts a lot) which is that Raleigh, the horse youtuber behind RaleighLink just made the most ironic mistake ever

basically TL;DR the girl whose entire internet career was built on destroying and humiliating people for not being entirely educated on proper horse care...didn't do good enough research on moving her horses, and they paid some consequences. I feel bad for her horses, but the irony is so, so delicious.

she just moved her horses to florida. like. just did that. and posted a video a week ago about how terrible it went. like. as a floridian whose had horses...lmao! lol! rofl!

she talked in the video about how she didnt see anyone talking about the issues she had with her horses after they moved and went on to list...some seriously common issues. like. maybe ive just been surrounded by extremely ambivalent horse people my whole life, but EVERYONE around me my whole life has talked about the biggest issues for moving horses even AROUND florida being

the bugs. you have to both check that the barn/area you're moving to isn't completely overrun with bugs and that some horses just wont be able to handle the bugs, mentally and/or physically. Bug repellents and treatments do NOT work here and the winters don't get cold enough to kill them off so if your horse can't handle bugs or you can't find a sufficiently bug-free boarding, you're screwed.

the grass. even if you're just moving a county over, you never EVER let your horse just into a pasture to bare graze. The richness of the grass varies between areas because of how florida is laid out so you dont let newly moved horses graze without at least an extremely restrictive muzzle or else you're risking colic from the grass change alone

do NOT. EVER. move your horses during the summer. its the worst heat imaginable. bugs in full force. dry spells that make the ground hell to walk on, then rain spells that flood entire pastures. and you're putting the stress of moving on your horse too?

and like. even if you decide to stick your head in the ground and ignore everyone else around here (understandable) you can ask a vet here and they will tell you this. like. for free.

plus, i am willing to bet major money from the fact that she mentioned putting her horses on a 50-acre barn and looking for horse properties that she was looking to move to Ocala, AKA the horse capital of the world. Which would be even funnier considering that the website for the county actually warns about some of these things when moving your horse there too.

basically what im gleaning from this is that she didn't consult with any florida horse people, any florida vets, or even do a deep enough search online for some extremely common issues, and her horses are, no surprise, having reactions to the bugs, and I suspect the grass too, as well as the sweltering heat of mid summer because of it.

again, i feel really bad for her horses, but the fact that THE PERSON who built a 300k+ youtube audience on attacking people for anything from actual horse abuse to simple beginner mistakes has...made a beginner mistake, is so hilariously ironic to me.

[aestheticaashes]

actually screw it yeah update post time, buckle up cuz life has literally been insane since The Move initially started and we're gonna sorta cliffnotes this shit starting with stuff i have probably already talked about

✩ got a job offer across the country at the beginning of august, accepted, ended up not making it out of state in time to actually start it due to some transport issues

✩ started heading out at the end of september (finally) alongside my parents, shitass car overheated so hard we couldn't go further, parents headed out and we stuck around where we broke down in my parents' rv which was also having trouble

✩ left the rv mid-october to head back to stay with some family back 'home', been here since

✩ got a job while waiting for parents to be able to help at least me get where we were going and get a job so i can get my husband out there too, lasted two weeks before life problems + my shitty mental health made me quit for Actual Straight-Up Safety Reasons

✩ have spent this entire time being pissed off and trying not to be ungrateful for what i've got but it's difficult because MAN does the family who's letting us stay here make me want to commit crimes. love them to bits but we have. vastly different needs and views.

✩ just like. imagine being a grandparent who is constantly like "are you guys eating enough? do you need help?" while making food that you have been informed your grandchild's husband cannot eat for Health Reasons, and then getting upset that your grandchild gets irritated about the fact you're offering them food their husband cannot eat. she's trying but it's just. frustrating.

✩ got the flu for the first time ever and it knocked me on my fucking ass for almost two weeks, still sort of getting over it almost three weeks after the symptoms fully stopped. when i say i literally lost 10 pounds i couldn't afford to lose i am serious. i couldn't eat fucken ANYTHING it was horrible

✩ have a flight booked to get out of state on Feb 10th!! + have job interviews set up already, so things are looking up, busy packing and cleaning up and making sure my husband (and best friend who is staying with us) will manage to survive without me as i am the only one with Real Life Adult Experience out of the group for a lot of reasons

✩ and i think that's it? idk there's been A Lot and i don't feel like getting into it in detail at this point lmao, it'll edge way too close to me venting

✩ anyways i'm still offering commissions!! just now it's more "pay what you want" because i certainly have time to write i just have trouble working on stuff that's For Me at the moment lol

[elliebear666]

I talked to my friend for a good long while. Tbh, she talked a lot so I didn't get most of it lol but it wasn't as hard as it was with my ex, so maybe that medication is helping.

Specifically, we talked about, well a lot, but we got on the topic of working and how I get disability because of my mental illnesses.

And she was like, "People have this perception that people on disability 'don't want to work' and I think that's absolute bullshit. Every single person on disability that I know wanted to work, but either couldn't find accommodating work or would lose their insurance that covers meds, etc."

And she's absolutely right. I cannot work full time because I will lose my insurance. If I don't have my insurance, I can't have my meds, and I will quickly spiral into another three year long bender of instability and manic and depressive episodes, which will in turn exacerbate BPD symptoms, and all my other problems... and I might not survive that next one. I'm lucky to be alive right now.

So, yeah, I'm terrified of losing my insurance and losing access to not only my psych meds for bipolar and anxiety + ADHD, but also my fucking hormones. Like... I can only work part time at MOST if I want to keep my insurance. And, to be completely honest? I don't think I could work, potentially ever, work a FULL TIME job again.

The stress would inevitably send me over the edge into a manic or depressive episode, my BPD symptoms would become loud again, I'd be cutting and burning myself at work, looking for places to kill myself.

Like, no Don, you stupid piece of shit. I don't feel "entitled" to not work lmao. I genuinely cannot maintain full time employment. I will very soon get back out there and get a part time job, but I will need a job that can accommodate my disorders... like, what I've I have a depressive episodes mid week and I become so depressed I can barely move or get out of bed? Like, that used to be my reality, y'all. I was... such a fucking mess.

I WANT to be able to hold down a job. You people think I fucking like living like this? You think I am choosing to fucking... pass my time as best I can as I tick closer to death because I'm terrified of my mental illness getting worse? I'm fucking terrified of things getting worse. Absolutely terrified.

If you have ever known someone with bipolar or another SEVERE mental illness, or personality disorder, then you know it isn't a choice. Like... I've had people tell me I'm "lucky" I "don't have to work." I've had people say I'm a piece of shit for not working.

Like... I don't want to live this... ffs, I don't want to live this way. I just try not to think about it tbh. Idk what to do. I'll get back out there... but I'm just terrified. Fml. Idek.

[qilwashere]

Hinata Shoyo

Hinata is your neighbor, and you've known each other for the past few years.

You met him near the bathrooms by the water fountains at one of his games, ironically, right after he had gone into the men's room to empty his stomach, since he used to get nervous all the time before a match. Since then he's gotten better, but you still worry for him sometimes.

You always help each other with homework or volleyball, although it's kind of one-sided, since you're super smart and he's very dedicated to being a middle blocker.

You always thought of him as a best friend, nothing more, although over the past few weeks, you'd been questioning yourself about that. He's been hanging out with you less, but youre pretty sure it's just because he's been busier lately. Sometimes your anxiety gets the best of you and you wonder if you did something to provoke him to not want to be around you. Every time this thought pops up in your head you have to take a deep breath to rid your brain of it.

At school his grades have gradually getting worse so you proposed a study date. As soon as you asked him you went red, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way. "I-I didn't mean a real date, it's not like--" you stumbled over your words, but he interrupted you with a laugh and said "Sure, that'd be nice. Whatever day you're free," he smiled at you. You nodded quickly and agreed on a Wednesday. You both parted ways until the set date.

At around 5:40 that Wednesday, you pace around your bedroom waiting for that familiar chime coming from your front door, letting you know that Hinata was there. It never arrives, and your worries that he's trying to keep out of contact with you come flooding your mind once again. You hope that at least he'll text you that he couldn't make it, but no chimes come from your phone either.

The next day, Thursday, at school, you don't see him in any of your usual classes together, which concerns you because he almost never misses a day. Is he sick? you wonder to yourself, and can't get him off your mind until your friend Yachi invites you to her table at lunch to discuss the new club openings that they could join together.

You start to ask her if she's seen Hinata but stop yourself mid-phrase and continue eating.

The days drag along. You haven't heard a thing from Shoyo all week.

You make a last attempt to contact him by texting, "Hey, we missed our study session :p wanna try again tomorrow?" It was a Sunday, so you felt like the next day would be a good time. It surprises you when he responds almost immediately after with "Sure :D See you at school :)". Your heart leaps but you remember that this could all be a set up.

Nah, you reassure yourself, Shoyo's way too nice for that.

For the rest of the day you surprise yourself when your feet guide you to the school gymnasium. You walk in hesitantly towards the door and remember that--

Of course. Why did you think the gym would just be open to anyone? On a Sunday, at that? You bury your face in your hand and turn back when someone comes up behind you-- Yachi.

"Hi Y/N! What are you doing here? I came because I was forgot my bag in here on Friday and never got a chance to get it back. I figured I'd stop by and pick it up before school tomorrow," she says casually. You stare at her wide-eyed. "...Is something wrong?" She asks you. You shake you head no but reply, "I was.. uh, well I was hoping to practice volleyball drills for a bit." Your response surprises you, since you'd been happy to talk with people about it but never really played the sport, or seemed interested in doing so.

"We can't get in without the key, though, so--" you start, but Yachi cuts you off: "Oh, that's no problem, I'm the manager of the volleyball club! I thought I told you... Anyways, let me just make sure I have it on me--" she pauses and pats herself down until she finds a keychain in her pocket, "--we're good!" She says cheerfully.

Your bubbly friend unlocks the key to the Karasuno gym and pulls the basket of volleyballs out of the corner. You grab a ball and toss it up, lace your hands together and face your forearms towards the ceiling, and bend your knees to receive.

The toss was off so you have to shift to the left a little to receive it right, but the feeling of it bouncing off of your arms is so... exciting. You shuffle your feet quickly forward to get directly under the ball again and - POOMF - you hit it up perfectly again. The ball comes down once more and this time when you receive it, you decide to send it over and aim for the left corner of the court. You brace your arms, wait for the point of contact, shrug your shoulders and send the ball flying up... Over... And right inside the left lines on the other side of the net.

You pat yourself on the back for a second and continue doing some volleyball practice. You practice aiming your tosses and have Yachi (attempt to) give you some good sets for spikes. After about an hour and a half, the sun starts to disappear behind the hills. You pick up the balls with the new club manager and say your goodbyes before heading home.

Once you get to your room, you notice that your laptop is open so you decide to check your socials. You try to deny it but you know you're secretly hoping for a DM from Shoyo. As you scroll through your messages you start seeing chats that you hadn't opened in a good while. They don't interest you, though, because you just want to hear from that energetic tangerine-haired boy.

You slump onto your bouncy mattress and it seems to groan in agony as you get comfortable. Eventually your eyelids grow heavy and you decide to rest.

That next day, Hinata comes over to your house,  and you're just hopping into your neatest skirt when you open the door. You're ready for your study date, but before you can stay anything, he grabs your hand and almost drags you down the block to a wide field. As you're jogging beside him on that cloudy day, struggling to keep up, you sneak a glance at him and notice that he's looking happier than you'd ever seen him. You smile to yourself, look down, up again, and run faster to challenge his speed.

"No fair, you got a head start!" He pants, and you laugh.

Eventually you get to a large field with tall grass and a few dandelions.

"I... Need a break," you can barely get out as you bend over and breathe hard. Hinata does the same thing, and after a moment he says, "Hey, (Y/N), see that really tall blade of grass over there?" He says to you. "You mean the one that's taller than you?" You joke, and he scowls. "....Yeah, that one. I'll race you to it!" He taunts, and you gladly accept the challenge. Forgetting about school for a while, you sprint towards the grass towering over all the rest. He beats you, as always, but you don't care because even if you lost, you had more time to spend with him and that's all you needed.

By the time you reach the grass, you're both too weak to stand up, so you lay in the field, next to each other, hands just barely touching, and look at the clouds in the sky. You breathe hard and think about your best friend beside you, and feel yourself blush as you smile to yourself again.

It's quiet so as you push yourself up on your elbows, you try think of a way to start a conversation. "I, uh... I practiced some volleyball yesterday." You stumble over your words, but he perks right up at this, wide-eyed since you're not exactly the athletic type.

"Really?! How was it? Did you hit a spike? Did you practice your tosses? How were your receives? When the ball hit your arm did it go 'poomf?'" He bombards you with questions, doing the same movements he usually would on the court, since this is his area of expertise.

You try to answer him the best you can, "Well, actually, I did try to hit the ball over - Yachi, the new manager, tossed some balls to me - but they always hit the net... My sets were pretty good, and, I could control my receives!" You got excited near the end, almost bouncing, because the few times you practiced with Hinata, strangely, you struggled the most with your receives.

Hinata seems to remember that, because when you mention your improvement, he almost yells, "That's great Y/N! We should practice one day!" You agree with a giggle.

After a few minutes, the world seems to calm down, and so do you. Taking in loads of air at a time, you stare at the sky and try to trace shapes in the clouds.

"I miss you," Hinata says suddenly, almost under his breath. It surprises you and you go silent for a while. "I..I missed you too. A lot," you add, unsure of how to really respond.

He sits up and says, "I'm sorry we haven't talked, it was an accident. I got caught up in volleyball and my failing grades but-- but the few days I haven't seen you made me realize that I want you... More than you, or I, even know..." He trails off, playing with his fingers, and your heart skips a beat.

"I need you, (Y/N)." Hinata mumbles, staring at your bright (E/C) eyes. You nod, not knowing what to say. "Can I.. can I have you?" He asks, embarrassed. You nod again, harder, and grin at him. "Yeah," you just barely whisper, gazing at him as if he were the only thing in the world, and for that minute, he was.

He returns the smile, and it seems like, for that second that he does, the clouds go away, almost like they're making room for the ball of sunshine sitting next to you.

In that moment, with the (real) sun setting, and the dandelions swaying in the slight breeze, you realize that you do love this boy, and that you'd do anything for him. You move your hand slightly to the right so that your pinkie is resting on top of his. You sneak glances at him, and wonder if something's gonna happen.

Shoyo is quiet for the  rest of the time, and you don't kiss, but that's okay because...

Because he's yours. And you're his. And that's a better feeling than any kiss could've granted you.

|~Fin~|

AHHH I know there wasnt much action lol I just had to do this lol. As always thanks for reading <3

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Not to be weird, because I obviously don't mind if so, but are you wearing my clothes in your latest insta pics or have I lost my mind? Rio: Oh my God, sorry! Shoulda said before putting that up Rio: casual single white female situation Rio: I was in London and I had to stop by yours to avoid a real walk of shame... whole 'nother story, assumed it'd be alright 'cos you know, you weren't using 'em? Shipped back fully dry cleaned, swear down Rio: Not to drop him in it but shamelessly will, Buster said it'd probably be alright too lol Nancy: Well we have the brunette and redhead thing going on, already. Just don't murder me like Nancy: It's more than okay. They look great on you and they are just sitting there Nancy: Keep them if you want Nancy: I'd rather you than one of Buster's 'guests' Nancy: Did you talk to him? Rio: Last time I check, no feelings of murderous jealousy towards you Rio: Even if you do have a killer clothes collection Rio: You're too sweet! I'm nowhere near statuesque enough to rock it for serious but it was fun playing dressup, not gonna lie Rio: A little bit, yeah, as much as you can with him Rio: Has he reached out to you yet? Nancy: We should go shopping then. I'm not flooded with other offers or compliments right now Nancy: He did try but I didn't answer the call. I didn't know what to say, you know Nancy: Do I want to know what he said about me, if anything? Rio: Absolutely, always up for a style update Rio: and I promise to stay away for the red box dye Rio: Rihanna 2010 I ain't Rio: That's fair, I remember he mentioned that too Rio: He said a lot of things, some of 'em stupid which don't bear repeating but I could tell he was worried about you, checking you were okay, like Nancy: Oh god Nancy: I should've answered I just couldn't Nancy: I've already broken my own heart there's no handling if he decided to do it for me too Nancy: It was like I already hear what he was going to say Rio: No one is judgding you for not Rio: He's been guility of being unavailable for less Rio: You're more than entitled to take your time with this Rio: Let him cool down too, I put him right where I could but Rio: He's stubborn Nancy: And he thinks I'm as cringey as everyone at school does, right? Nancy: I knew it Nancy: I can't blame him really Rio: But that's nothing you don't know, you feel the embarrassment, I don't get why people think they're being clever pointing out as if its not your first hand experience Rio: He asked if you were coming back Rio: which he clearly wants, even if he's not gonna outright say that Nancy: I thought he might be on my side since he always goes after what he wants Nancy: Maybe he is though, if he does want me home Rio: Yeah, there's definitely hypocrisy otherwise Rio: I'm not gonna commit him to either side from a conversation relayed but I don't think talking to him soon will make it any worse Rio: Hoping he said all the dumb shit he needed to me instead, like Nancy: Was he such a prick to you? I'm sorry Nancy: I can't go back until those girls are far away at uni Nancy: Do you think we could convince him to come here? Team effort to get a visit? Rio: Not all bad Rio: and nothing I can't handle Rio: Yeah, reckon I might've met some of them last night Rio: and I feel you Rio: Worth a shot, I threw it out there that maybe if he came it'd make your 'rents coming less of a shitshow Rio: try and hold him to it Nancy: The ringleader is Chloe, with an accent over the e. You'd remember her if you did Nancy: It wouldn't surprise me if she was still hanging around him and his friends, she always did fancy him Nancy: Okay. I'll try Rio: Oh my God, her?! Rio: If she gave me daggers any harder I woulda been bleeding Rio: Such an unlikely candidate, no offence Chlo hun but total Rio: always the girls with the least going for them, honestly Nancy: That's her specialty Nancy: What's it say about me that I used to think we were actually friends once Rio: She looks like she can play nice when she wants to Rio: with your Brother, like you said Rio: Ugh Nancy: Yeah. She didn't want to play nice after I came out but she did a convincing enough job before Rio: Bet she thought you were in love with her and everything? Rio: What a cliche mean girl Nancy: Oh she went one better and told everyone I made a move of her, which even I wouldn't Rio: Oh, don't flatter yourself Rio: What a cow! Yeah, she's not changed at all then, obviously I avoided her best I could but she was way too happy about my drama Nancy: Like I know what I did with Sian was bad but Nancy: Please, I do have some standards Nancy: What happened with you? I didn't even ask. What a cow I am Rio: Yeah, she's not a catch, whatever way you're swinging, sorry to be a bitch but you were first gurl and that's always gonna be a turn-off Rio: Oh nah, nothing major, well, it was very dramatic but over it whilst it was happening so I'm not bothered Rio: Curtis went with me and then decided to get all huffy and try and make me leave early 'cos I was 'dancing too sexy' or whatever Rio: when I wouldn't he literally left me there, considering he drove us over, he had the hotel key Rio: Cue mad rush trying to find a place to crash and a way back Rio: Safe to say he's chucked Nancy: Oh my god! There's no words for how out of order that is. What an utter prick! Nancy: Buster better have offered you my bed Nancy: I'll kill him if he never Rio: Oh yeah, he did Rio: Offered to pay the way back but I thought that was too far Rio: Between taking your bed and clothes, like, need to at least try and sort half of it myself, like! Nancy: At least he's not a total prick himself ALL the time Nancy: Remembering some of how he was raised now Nancy: Are you in London rn still? Rio: Yeah, I'd say we can give him that Rio: Will go to his head but what you gonna do Rio: I am Rio: Toying with staying for a bit but I'll defs get in more shit for doing that for going with Curtis in the first place so Rio: Should probs get the soonest flight back now Nancy: My bed and wardrobe are yours if you are staying Nancy: Did you see my mum and dad? Nancy: While we're mentioning being in lots of shit, like Rio: I appreciate it, Nance Rio: I did my best to avoid then, and succeeded, thankfully, not really the vibe I'm looking to give out to the olders like Rio: Buster didn't seem keen to talk to them either, so they may very well be on the warpath towards Dubo and you...Soz to confirm Nancy: Care to teach me some of your ways before they end my life? I'd REALLY appreciate it tbh Nancy: Fantastic. That sounds accurate Rio: Umm, get them drunk and they'll be sleeping as you sneak about like Anne Frank? Rio: ORRRRR, whilst they're mid-air, come back to London, ha Nancy: Get mum REALLY angry Nancy: Nice subtle nod to my gayness with the Anne Frank ref though Nancy: And you're definitely onto something with getting dad a drink Rio: Say you're coming to rescue me, I can be FAR more dramatic about this breakup than I'm really feeling Rio: edge of fucking tower bridge like Rio: of course, all bisexuals are upheld in the highest esteem in my household Rio: especially brave little jewish girls Nancy: Good plan, if I can be this dramatic about a non-break up then we can make this believable I'm sure Nancy: Take the heroics from my brother too, always great Nancy: I see the bed and clothes gesture and I raise you Rio: Everyone loves a bit of sibling rivalry put to use Rio: get us both off the hook in one fell swoop Rio: Only flaw in the plan is Chloe with the accent Rio: Going to have to work on that so she's outta the way by the time you get here Nancy: I'd suggest taking her to the bridge and pushing her off but I don't need to go to prison Rio: If you thought the gay jokes were bad now Nancy: Exactly Nancy: And nobody needs a rebound that badly, least of all me Rio: They say some people go to Prison for the roof over their head and three meals a day Rio: wonder if anyone has ever gone in purely for the pussay Nancy: As a vegetarian I feel I'd have to Nancy: If only casual sex was my thing. Wouldn't have got here Rio: Yeah, it ain't for everyone Rio: at least you didn't get to fuck her, THEN catch feelings Rio: that'd be even shittier like and what happens to so many girls in our year when they do the 'casual' thing Rio: no wonder they're being salty little bitches about it Nancy: But that way it wouldn't have been all in my head Nancy: Maybe they have a point, I don't know Rio: It wouldn't make this bit any easier Rio: the actual heartbreak shit Rio: the people being cunts, less so Rio: but they'll find any reason, someone else will be the target next week, like Nancy: I know you're right Nancy: And I don't want her life ruined so Rio: Yeah, but you gotta think about you and your life too Rio: She's fine Nancy: Don't rub it in, please Nancy: I feel like my life's over Rio: I know sweets Rio: but it ain't Rio: you'll just keep going Nancy: I know I will, but I don't want to. Like I know she couldn't love me but I still want her too Nancy: It hurts Rio: Its going to Rio: for a while yet Rio: revel in it Rio: how unfair it feels Rio: 'cos its not a sexuality thing, if you were straight or she was gay or whatever the fuck, when you feel like you love someone and they just don't back Rio: that's gonna hurt regardless of the how you got there Rio: its not just because she was a teacher, everyone's been there, like Rio: Promise Nancy: I wish everyone saw this how you do Nancy: You're the best Nancy: June too but he doesn't get this bit yet Nancy: Though he can appreciate the wonders this will do for my art Rio: Gotta suffer, might as well get paid for it Rio: or A's Rio: at the very least Rio: I don't know, Junior is so guarded, I wonder if he ever will, not that I wish that bit on him but you've gotta go through it so its better to get it over with really Nancy: Especially because my Irish grades are gonna take a dive Nancy: I think he will Nancy: He just needs the right one to fall for Nancy: I appreciate how that sounds coming from me rn but Rio: Oh the awkwardness of that first lesson back is gonna be Rio: I'll deffo come Home by then Rio: I hope so, I know he's not happy hiding who he is, so I don't think he's content being alone forever, like, either Nancy: Oh god please do. I'll need all the help I can get Nancy: He won't be. He's a catch. I keep telling him Rio: Pretty sure push it any harder and I'm being dragged back by my hair lmao Rio: Totally, he just needs to get a lil confidence Rio: Not a complete personality change but just enough to give him that push Nancy: We're working on it Rio: Yay! Shame we can't be real speedy about it, get him getting a man to distract all the attention from you like Nancy: That's okay I wouldn't wish it on him Nancy: I can handle it. Sort of Rio: Yeah you can Rio: You've got this Nancy: So our brother keeps saying. But he makes it we because he's everything Nancy: *your Rio: Y'all are cuties Nancy: If you could use your influence on my brother to make him bearable I'll be your best friend Rio: I definitely cannot make promises there Rio: He goes out of his way to be un Rio: but he's alright really, I think lol Nancy: I'll have to take your word on that Nancy: Until I talk to him myself Rio: Let me know how it all works out like Nancy: Definitely