#talking about writing instead of writing

[empressofmankind]

Consider: Buggy going through the seven stages of betrayal trauma because someone is five minutes late.

[fourgods-nobrakes]

2023 in review

Or, one fic from each month that I feel pretty good about. Most of these are smut, pls read the tags in each case, etc.

January: for my own gain i pray, Erebus seducing Lorgar and accidentally really getting into it. I will never stop using 16 Horsepower lyrics for Word Bearer fic.

February: First (Do No Harm), the one where Talos acquires Elver when Curze discards him. A story about how after that much torture, just plain impersonal use feels like a huge relief.

March: Burn the House Right Down, Sevatar/Rushal missionfic and Sev heartmarking at his violent Raven. There were a lot of things I liked in March, this one was hard to pick.

April: To Carry What We Hold, Perturabo/Fulgrim slight canon divergence during Angel Exterminatus, with oviposition. This ship is such fertile (heh) ground and every time I write them I get to explore something different.

May: the only hope for me, actually not smut, Khârn prevents Argel Tal's death (and I threw in another canon divergence just for fun). May was a slow month but good stuff I think.

June: Rationally, Cautiously, and with Restraint, combo breaker, Marek Grimaldus and Andrej Valatok versus daemon sex pollen. Andrej's voice was so much fun.

July: Commit and Advance, Fulgrim/Perturabo again only this time significantly pre-Heresy, a sweet getting-together AU. Connecting regarding art and the pursuit of perfection <3

August: Trinkets for the Tallyman, Nurgling adventure gen set on the Solace, the Lords of Silence ship. I love nurglings.

September: Every Fire and Every Thrill, Fulgrim/Horus in the early chapters of Vengeful Spirit, me having a lot of feelings about them having a lot of feelings, and also snake porn.

October: burn like a healing hand, Abaddon/Amurael for launchtheship on DW. I wanted there to be about 200% more story to this but here we are. That's the story of so many fics. At least this got to be about Cthonia and savage warband honor and how dreamy Abaddon is.

November: lay my hands on heaven, Burias-Drak'shal/Daemonette, absolutely self-indulgent PWP, the most completely self-indulgent thing I wrote all year: getting one of my favorite murderpuppies laid by a cute little monster.

December: From Faith Cometh Honor, the incident mentioned in Gate of Bones where Kar-Gatharr pulled a gravely wounded Torvann Lokk from a ruined tank on Isstvan V. The stoic and determined character getting help from someone who loves them is such catnip for me.

You know? Overall, not a bad year, when I look it over now. Expect more things I personally find iddy in 2024.

[tshortik]

I love you messy artstyle i love you visible brush strokes I love you textures and rough edges I love you imperfections I love you roughness and colour blobs I love you scratchy sketches and bold stylisation and dirt and imperfections I love you ugly and raw emotion!!!!! ❤️

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

[theminecraftbee]

task: answer the following question. do you believe in curses? respond as completely with relevant information as possible.

Grian: Well, that's a lie. This isn't a task. I know it's not a task, I set the things up! Not sure why we're getting a question as pointless as this one, but sure, mysterious scroll, I'll answer. There's no such thing as curses, unless you're Timmy, in which case it's funny, yeah? Besides, I didn't actually kill Etho. Even if that did count, self-fulfilling prophecies aren't the same thing as curses, and I know which one I fall under.

Joel: Do I believe in bloody curses what kind of question is that? Do I really get hearts just for answering this? This feels like a prank or something... well, whatever. There are no such thing as curses, except the Boogeyman curse, which I sort of had today, but it wasn't actually the same at all. A lot of the bloodlust, sure, but a lot more... Etho had to be the one to do it, huh? And it's not the same. Not comforting. That's a stupid thing to say actually. Take it out of wherever you're putting this. Cut it out of the recording. Comforting. Please. As if it were ever... Yeah, I'm done actually. Don't have a good answer. Go away.

Scott: What, other than Jimmy? Bless that man, he may not have died first, but he sure tried his best. Sure, I'll believe Jimmy is cursed. I mean, mostly he's just kind of stupid. Lovingly so. I mean, despite him being stupid, I put up with him, right? That seems like a complete answer to this question. Jimmy's an omen but we put up with him anyway. That's all.

Mumbo: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Pearl: Oh, I mean, I'm probably cursed. That's what everyone liked to say at one point. I think... I mean, I think this time I have good friends, which is nice. They don't think I'm cursed. And it's not like I--I mean, it's surprisingly fun, acting cursed! And I am just acting. Acting scary, blowing up dance floors, all of that. And I don't really have to this time, so... Maybe I'm not cursed? And since it's acting, it's not real? This is a weird question.

Etho: Oh, man, that's a question. Um, do I have to answer? Because I feel like if I say no, that's really just asking for it, but if I say yes, I have to explain myself. Uh, I think I'm abstaining, unless the zombie thing from earlier counts. That was scary and I hated it. Curses are scary and I hate them in general, but apparently I'm good at them, if you ask everyone else. Um, it's not the only thing I find scary that apparently I'm good at.

Scar: Why, of course I believe in curses! Look at poor, poor... Timbert? Timmy? Jim? Gosh, sorry, I'm very tired right now. That's more proof of curses, by the way! That I'm tired. I've been tired straight since the desert, let me tell you what. And that, my friends, is a curse like no other. What a terrible beast, loneliness is. Wish me luck breaking it, because it's not happening this season!

Cleo: Oh, you mean the thing people like to blame instead of their own actions? Nah. My soulbond was kind of a curse, I guess, but even that's at least half just... bad people. Bad relationships. Good ones, too. We're all just doing what you can, you know? No script, no curses, no characters, just... Oh, I hope everything turns out tomorrow. Sorry, that's unrelated. It's just nicer to hope than to preemptively blame things on curses that don't exist.

Impulse: Well, I mean, I didn't until you just asked me that, but now I feel like I should. Wouldn't that be nice? Being cursed instead of just sort of unlovable? Sorry, no, that's mean to Gem. I shouldn't say that about Gem, she's been good this season. Super, super cursed, mind you, in the like, game mechanic sense? But she's been good, no backstabbing or inability to get love involved. Um, and I guess that's not fair to Bdubs, kind of, except it also totally is and I haven't forgiven him. So I guess if they ask I said I believed in curses, and that's why my life keeps circling clocks? Don't put any of that other stuff down, I'm trying to work on that.

Lizzie: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

Gem: I was just cursed for a task, but that probably isn't what you're asking about, right? I'm new, so I don't know! A task is a concrete thing to believe in, like bloodshed or victory or fun and games. You don't have to believe in those to know they're real, either! They just are, whether you like it or not. I understand that much!

Tango: Gah, don't talk to me about... Deep breaths. Look, I don't care if it's a curse, or if it's just me being really bad, or what, I'm not going out pointlessly this time. Jimmy managed not to die first, I can manage to not go out to a stray arrow or my own bomb or a misstep this time, right? Is that so much to ask?

Skizz: Huh? Curses? I mean, I don't think so, and to be totally honest I think it's kind of mean the way people sometimes rag on people about them. Everyone's got so many good things about them! Why do people like to focus on the unfortunate luck, huh?

Bdubs: Hah! Curses! Let me tell you about curses. When I see curses, I eat them for breakfast. I don't got curses, I've got better things to do! I've got my buddies with the Mounders, and I've got-well, I'd say keeping Etho safe, but he's being weird at me again this season. Not that it matters. It never matters. Etho and I, we're... The point is, that doesn't matter anyway, because I have the Mounders, and they're the ones who matter here. And because I'm a strong, independent Bdubs, who doesn't need anyone but my bow and my perfect, flawless fighting prowess! Sorry, what was the question? I've been thinking so much lately that it's just sort of made everything else pop out of my head, so it's hard to keep track. I'm sure I answered it flawlessly, though.

Martyn: Of course there are curses. That's half the fun for you lot, isn't it? Putting your little curses on us and watching us rail against them. Bet you think it's real cute to ask us what we think of the things, too. "Oh, what do you think of curses," like we have any control over them. Please. If I had any control over curses, Jimmy--or, well, no, I guess that one was technically broken, wasn't it? Sure doesn't feel like it. Point is, curses are bad, and they're definitely real, and I hate you for them, got it?

BigB: Look, man, if you're trying to get me to write my character out for you, just say so! I won't tell anyone. We can come up with a hole thing about holes and red tasks and the Backrooms together! It'll be fun! After all, you probably don't know what kind of curse to say I have, right? Haha, just kidding. I have no idea what I'm talking about. Luckily, neither does anyone else, so I think that evens out between the lot of us.

Jimmy: NO RESPONSE GIVEN.

[mobydyke]

maybe if I keep telling the story, it will never have to end. that way I can keep you alive. If the story lasts forever, so will you. yes, you die in the end. yes I am the only one who remembers. yes I am the only one who knows. But if I never say it aloud, maybe you won't die. maybe this time orpheus won't turn around. maybe peter won't deny him. maybe when I reach the end, you will have had time to come up with a clever solution and escape. maybe this time we survive it together. and the next time, you can tell this story with me. maybe everyone survives and we don't have to tell the story at all. maybe they don't. if I never finish, I'll never have to know. let me speak for a little bit longer. let me live in a world that you are also in for just a moment more. sometimes your memory feels like a noose. I'm sorry. I'm not ready for you to die

[gilgamushroom]

Ok catching up with letters from watson and blanched soldier makes so many of watson's narratives SO hilarious in retrospect líke

Watson's POV: So yeah! I'm always loyal to Holmes even though he doesn't care about me that much :/ but it's alright cause he has a High Intellect and therefore no room for human emotions. Honestly half of the time I'm not even able to keep up with him it's a wonder he sticks with me but I suppose it's part of his habits as a Genius. One time I was briefly sure he had feelings and it made my entire year

Holmes's POV, right off the bat: So I'm recording this case and today I learnt that writing is so hard? Watson is SO good at keeping the public interested. He's so good at so many things. He's smart and incredible and delightful and the ideal helpmate and he's too humble to ever talk about this!! >:( He's my old friend btw. And Biographer. One time he got married AND LEFT ME ALL ALONE IN THE RAIN O SO CRUELY AND SELFISHLY but i forgive him because that's literally the only bad thing he has ever done in his entire life <3 I miss him so much when he's not here :(( Have I mentioned he's my friend? Where was I going with this. Oh yeah. Case.

[infernal-lamb]

Draw Neves at the bar , trauma dumping to heket (she's the bartender)

HFSLKJGKDGJLJKLDS pls this is so funny to me. Neves is a mess when she's drunk. she is now Heket's burden....here she is telling a very silly story

[laufire]

jason's lazarus pit was golden jason's lazarus pit was golden jasonslazaruspitwasgolden jason's lazarus pit was golden JASON'S LAZARUS PIT WAS GOLDEN

AND PIT MADNESS IS *NOTHING*

[coquelicoq]

what i like especially about the pronouns in the goblin emperor is that this language doesn't just have the T-V distinction (aka informal vs. formal second-person pronouns, in this case 'thou' vs. 'you'), it also has informal and formal first-person pronouns. having BOTH of these distinctions in the same language lets you fine-tune your tone by mixing and matching. with only one axis of formality, when you use informal pronouns, are you being familiar in an intimate way, or in an insolent or dismissive way? when you use formal pronouns, are you being polite or standoffish? you can't tell just from the pronouns; there's ambiguity. but a language where you can use a formal first-person pronoun in the same sentence as an informal second-person pronoun allows you to distance yourself (via the formal first) while also being familiar (via the informal second), thereby achieving the conversational tenor known to linguists as Fuck Thee Specifically.

[empressofmankind]

You ever write a line for your fic, and it feels like the literary equivalent of running straight into a knife?

Yea.

Yea, I just did that and now I am having feels.

[fourgods-nobrakes]

2023 in review

This has been kind of a rough year for creativity. I got laid off and haven't been able to get a new job yet, various parts of the house have been needing repair or threatening to fail, our housemate bought a condo and moved out in an ultimately good but exhausting process, and my dog developed a degenerative condition that eventually led to her passing. Plus the wider world continuing to, you know, everything.

Despite which, I posted 92,468 new words to AO3 (number might change if I have a chance to edit one of my CIE works before those go live). That's spread over exactly 50 stories, which is neat. A huge amount of that wordcount is thanks to doing exchanges; I signed up to 21 exchanges this year, so that definitely helped me keep words coming when things were rough.

...But I think I'm going to try to step back and do less exchange stuff in 2024. Partly it's the more-more-more vibe of the exchange server I'm on; it's very friendly but also has a constant "there's a really good one coming up, you don't want to miss out" feel and the humblebragging "haha I wrote 40k in 2 weeks I'm such a clown" is not great for where my brain is.

But also doing exchanges in this fandom specifically can leave me feeling alienated and unhappy; there are a few people I can match with comfortably if time/interest lines up, but a lot more people that I don't share favorite characters or interpretations with, and some things that come up in requests regularly that I'd like to never see again (Russ & Wolves as rapist savages; thoughtless evil Horus who never loved anyone; most of what people do with Lorgar, which is never about his agency and desire; etc.!!). So, you know. Maybe time to do more things for myself and not worry about whether people know these particular heretic astartes, or whether I can write something that will satisfy someone else's request while still feeling comfortable to me.

I honestly don't know how well it'll work. I've been doing most of my fic production through exchanges for the last 4-5 years, because structure and deadlines and an almost-guaranteed audience of at least one. And I'll likely still do a few in 2024, just... not that many. And maybe it will mean fewer words, but hopefully they'll be words I enjoy and have feelings about.

[cowardlykrow]

"Hah, dude doesn't even know he's in my tamagotchi."

[genericpuff]

vent post

[kindledrose]

goofy hermit doodles!! because uhh why not!!

[lord-squiggletits]

One of my favorite parts of phase 2 (and indeed one of the few moments I resonated with IDW Prowl) was when the neutrals were coming back to Cybertron and Prowl said that he refused to let Autobots be pushed aside and overruled after they were the ones who fought for freedom for 4 million years (the exact wording escapes me atm).

And I mean, that resentment still holds true even once the colonists come on bc like. As much as it's true that Cybertron's culture is fucked up, and as funny as it can be to paint Cybertronians as a bunch of weirdos who consider trying to kill someone as a common greeting not important enough to hold a grudge over.... The colonists POV kind of pissed me off a lot of times, as did the narrative tone/implications that Cybertronians are forever warlike and doomed to die by their own hands bc it just strikes me as an extremely judgemental and unsympathetic way to deal with a huge group of people with massive war PTSD and political/social tensions that were rampant even before the war?

Like, imagine living in a society rife with bigotry and discrimination where you get locked into certain occupations and social strata based on how you were born. The political tension is so bad there's a string of assassinations of politicians and leaders. The whole planet erupts into an outright war that leads (even unintentionally) to famine and chemical/biological warfare that destroys your planet. Both sides of the war are so entrenched in their pre-war sides and resentment for each other that this war lasts 4 million years and you don't even have a home planet any more. Then your home planet gets restored and a bunch of sheltered fucks come home and go "ewww why are you so violent?? You're a bunch of freaks just go live in the wilderness so that our home can belong to The Pure People Who Weren't Stupid And Evil Enough To Be Trapped In War" and then a bunch of colonists from places that know nothing about your history go "lol you people are so weird?? 🤣🤣 I don't get why y'all are fighting can't you just like, stop??? Oh okay you people are just fucked up and evil and stupid then" ((their planets are based on colonialism where their Primes wiped out the native populations btw whereas the Autobots and OP in particular fought to save organics. But that never gets brought up as a point in their favor)) as if the damage of a lifetime of war and a society that was broken even before the war can just magically go away now that the war is over.

Prowl fucking sucks but he was basically the only person that pointed out the injustice of that.

And then from then on out most of the characters from other colonies like Caminus and wherever else are going "i fucking hate you and your conflicts" w/ people like literal-nobody Slide and various Camiens getting to just sit there lecturing Optimus about how Cybertronians are too violent for their own good and how their conflicts are stupid, with only brief sympathetic moments where the Cybertronians get to be recognized as their own ppl who deserve sympathy before going right back to being lambasted.

Like I literally struggled to enjoy the story at multiple points because there was only so much I could take of the characters I knew and loved being raked over coals constantly while barely getting to defend themselves or be defended by the narrative so like. It was just fucking depressing and a little infuriating to read exRID/OP