#like sheesh youre exhausting aren't you?

[sweet-like-hypoglycemia]

I love going to people's blogs, and seeing huge pinned posts explaining what they won't tolerate, how to speak to them, how to interact with their blog, their political views, views they dislike, and on, and on, and on

Makes it much easier to spot the people I'd never ever get along with!

[diedikind]

TGCF, Suffering, and the Pursuit of Dreams

life is inherently suffering*; true purpose is what you’re willing to suffer for.

^this isn’t anything new as philosophers have made the same argument with different words over and over again throughout history**. the basic idea is that there is no way around the pain that comes with living except through, that no matter what you choose to do you will inevitably face difficulty because nothing comes easily, and so with that in mind you might as well take the responsibility of your freedom to pick your suffering, to decide what it is that matters to you enough that you are willing to endure the pain to see it through. another way to look at it is knowing that we will all die anyway, choose what you want to die for. and make that your reason for living.

for hua cheng, he chooses to suffer for xie lian, because xie lian is his dream. he would go into battle for him, die in battle for him, cry out and empathetically bear his pain for him during the hundred swords scene, go through a decade of hell in mt tonglu for him, dig out his eye for him because he doesn’t want to hurt the common people as saving them is xie lian’s dream,

and xie lian chooses to suffer for his dream, too.

when we are young, we often make grand claims about our future such as “I want to be an author!” without really knowing what that means. then our parents tell us that hey, maybe that’s not a viable way to make a living, maybe you should study something like economics instead, and we retort, why can’t we get the best of both worlds, why can’t we make money as an author or write while studying economics, why can’t we hold an inkwell in one hand and copper coins in the other, why can’t we choose the third path***? and even if we hit rock bottom / the south wall**** we will persist in our dream and not turn back?

and so xie lian says “my dream is to save the common people!”, he says “body in abyss, heart in paradise,” he wants to pursue the third path without knowing what it means. it’s easy to claim you want to do something when you have yet to face any difficulty that that something brings.

so bai wuxiang shows him.

【Speaking, he twisted Xie Lian's face even harder with his other hand, saying, "What? Aren't you the one who claims to want to save the common people?"

Xie Lian said, "But!!! But I, I..."

But he had never thought about saving the common people in this situation, with this method?!】

he understands for the first time the suffering that serves the other face of his dream’s coin. he understands for the first time that having exhausted the two options in front of him, the third path requires personal sacrifice.

(many mxtx antis in China use this scene to justify their hatred toward xie lian, arguing that indeed, “it was xie lian himself who claimed to want to save the common people yet when the time comes he is reluctant? sheesh.” but i think that that’s the whole point of xie lian’s character growth arc, in which he starts off as a naive crown prince who doesn’t know what his dream entails.)

but now he does, and he still chooses to persist. he picks his suffering. he decides that his dream is worth suffering for.

(much of this is to say that i am often genuinely confused by TGCF fans' attitude toward Hua Cheng's suffering vs. Xie Lian's suffering. most readers do not bat an eye at the sacrifices Hua Cheng made for his dream, or maybe "bat an eye" is the wrong use of phrase here, but at least it's painted as something romantic. when it comes to Xie Lian sacrificing himself to save the common people, though, we react differently, even when both of them are choosing what they're willing to suffer for, which is empowering. i am thinking of potential counterarguments, one of which could be that "objectively" Xie Lian is a dream worth suffering for while the dream of "saving the common people" is not, but i would argue that when Wu Ming stood by Calamity!Lian, it is not objectively guaranteed (subjectively, Hua Cheng has faith) that Xie Lian will not turn out to be the next Jun Wu and hurt Hua Cheng. in effect Xie Lian's calamity era was to Hua Cheng what the hundred swords scene was to Xie Lian -- trials to test the strength of your faith you have toward your dream. Additionally, the common people are not all bad just as the state of Xie Lian (to fall from grace is also you; what matters is you -- the dream) changes as well.)

in a way, the suffering we’re willing to endure for our dream is a metric that measures how much it is worth to us. before i mentioned that words are empty and that a dream doesn’t mean anything until you have experienced the suffering attached to it, but the reverse is also true: chasing a dream is what gives meaning to our suffering.*****

Appendix

*I would like to substantiate the premise “life is inherently suffering” from two angles since it’s a little wobbly.

The first is from an economics perspective, the notion of opportunity cost, which is defined by the next best thing, or the option that gives you the second-highest utility that you are willing to forgo to choose something else. There is always a cost to every choice you make simply because our time and attention are scarce resources. The greatest opportunity cost is arguably one’s life.

The second is from a cognitive-neuroscience perspective. The predictive processing framework of human cognition asserts that we are predictive machines in that we constantly process information around us to generate a model or mental schema of the world, a map of the territory to make sense of it. and we are constant comparing our schema to the actuality of the world which results in a discrepancy (because due to our cognitive limitations we can never perceive reality in its entirety). This discrepancy is called “error” and our affective system signals the magnitude of the error. for example, fulfilment is when your schema aligns with reality; anger is when your schema clashes with reality or the schema of another person; fear is when your schema is too porous such that your ignorance of reality makes you afraid. to put it simply error is painful.

there are three ways to reduce error, 1. recalibrate your schema to fit reality 2. change the world to fit your schema and 3. tune the precision (confidence) of your schema so that it is no longer relevant i.e. you realize you don’t care anymore.

in the context of tgcf you can think of xie lian’s idealism as his mental schema which reality inevitably falls short from. whenever we wish to act on the world we are in effect altering reality in a way to fit our mental schema, the process of which entails an engagement with the error and hence pain.

** Nietzsche, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Viktor Frankl, and most recently Mark Manson in his book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

*** the reason why I’m using such an odd example is because MXTX’s name 墨香铜臭 mo xiang tong xiu means the fragrance of ink and the smell of money. The reason she chose this name is because, when she first went to college, she wanted to major in literature. However, her mother disagreed. Her mother suggested she study economics instead, and because their opinions differed, she wasn't very happy.

**** The south wall, also known as a shadow wall, is a type of wall in traditional Chinese architecture used to block the line of sight. The main entrances of Chinese buildings generally face south, and in the old days, households of status and power would have a shadow wall outside their main gate. Upon exiting, one had to turn either left or right, as walking straight ahead would lead to a collision with the southern wall. "Banging one's head against the south wall" 头撞南墙 is an idiomatic expression that refers to being stubbornly fixated on an idea, using this phenomenon to metaphorically describe someone's behavior as obstinate and unwilling to listen to differing opinions. obviously this point is illustrated with a positive connotation in TGCF.

***** i am not claiming that suffering is good. choice is good. there is nothing empowering about the hundred swords scene.

[emojellyace08]

Hiya been long time no ask and I am sure I gonna be gone for a long time since my college day gonna start on Monday huhuh but I still look and heart around in tumblr.

So here a requesti, since today update of lookism we been granted by ptj of Gun on with bath towel. "I just thought damn does abs and muscles". I am curious what is the headcannon of y/n being muscle enthusiasts.

Basically they are a character of (Dumbbell Nan Kilo Moteru?) Name Souryuuin Akemi.

(Bet Gun recuirt her as his assistant and tracker of his health diet and muscle density lol)

Gun Park x Female! Reader (Do you want to see it closer?)

A/N: SHEESH This is actually a great idea xD. Since you asked for some somewhat spicy Gun x reader, I'm going to give you some and Idk if this can satisfy you but I hope you still like it and sorry for the late reply (good luck on your college day!) Genre: somewhere between fluff and slight lemon (not too explicit) Slight warnings: slight nsfw post reader is female (and is in an established relationship ; character x reader)

It's been months since you have seen your boyfriend. You tried to contact him but you've received voice mails instead which can be irritating for your part. You've been really worried about him getting into crazy shit again. No video calls, no messages, heck you haven't even received a single greeting like "hello" or "good morning". It really makes you worried a lot about Gun. You know he's strong. You know that he's a one man circle, but your girlfriend instincts always gets the better of you. You want to convince him to quit his job since it might put him more into potential danger in the future, but getting to know him better made you realize that even he is a masochist. He really has the passion and lust for fighting so you couldn't really stop him no matter how times you wanted to. It can also ignite a really bad argument so it's better if you just let him be. But he promised that he will take care of himself though.

It was 8 in the morning when you woke up early again in your gloomy and dark apartment. You encouraged yourself to slump yourself on the cozy and soft bed of yours. But no matter how many efforts you tried you thinking about that bastard again just makes you groan, you're craving for caffeine again.

Fixing the blinds, you winced as the sunlight made it's way to shine your eyes. It's not particularly sunny, but the sky and atmosphere is not too dreadful either. In fact it's the perfect weather for you. You got up to prepare and fix the coffee mixer and make your drink. It took minutes of you tapping your finger on the marble table humming your favorite song while you watch the machine, you being lost at your own thoughts. After minutes, you were mixing the hot drink on your mug before you heard the door open, you seeing your mentally exhausted boyfriend. Fucking bastard didn't even knocked on the door.

"Where have you been?" you asked in a concerned tone as he focuses his attention on you making eye contact. His black sclera were still intimidating to look at, but they weren't exactly too threatening. "Business" he bluntly replied not intentionally being rude, Gun was just like that all the time. You were about to ask more questions before he approached you while hugging you back and leaving wet pecks on your neck while caressingly touching your waist pulling you closer to him. "I'm sorry that I don't have time for you." "Hmm." you hummed as you drank the mix of sweet and bitter mixture. "You're not angry?" "Umm no? Why would I? It's your job to work for Charles." you playfully denied as he pulled you even closer, he knows that you're lying behind that pretty face but he understands and you have a point though. And hearing that old man's name really pisses him off at some point, but it coming from your pleasant voice makes him a bit calmer. "I'm going to take a shower" he mumbled as he buries his face on you even more. "Aren't you tired?" you asked as he chuckled, "Never have been."

Tapping your shoulder you watched him as he walked on the corridor and into your shared bedroom. It's his daily routine for him to go home and wash up first before cuddling and chatting with you on the bed. You went inside to prepare his clothes before seeing your half naked boyfriend, his scars showing up into his back but you couldn't care less. In your eyes, he's perfect.

"Looking at something?" you snapped at your own thoughts as you can see Gun's teasing grin as you laughed at him, your voice being gentle with a mix of tiredness on it. "Yeah" "You want to see it closer?" he teased you even more as you approached him as you hugged him from the back, you being obviously smaller than him. "You still look pretty even if you got lots of scars." "I know." he replied as you stayed like this, cuddling with him for a few minutes. He turned around to face you as he leaned in to give you a kiss, your tongue getting entangled from each other. The kiss wasn't really aggressive, but the way his tongue gently danced with yours is enough to make your underwear wet again. His hands were travelling to your face, slowly making it's way to your waist. Your clumsy ones are doing the same, it's playfully teasing his chest up into his abs. You weren't exactly that person who only relies on looks. But seeing your boyfriend properly taking care of his health makes you appreciate the effort he's doing to get stronger.

"Wow, you're getting more sturdy." you half joked as your eyes trailed down to his body. It wasn't necessarily in a lewd way, but it's just you being appreciative. And with this, Gun can't help but to be proud of himself. He managed to make himself physically pleasing so you also don't have to worry about his health. "Do you want to go to the gym tomorrow?" he asked as he leans closer to you with his hands still clinging on your waist. "Hmm... Sure, I got nothing else to do and it's best if we can check our BMI together." you liked his offer as both of your mouth curl into a smile as he pecks your soft cheeks making you chuckle. You got to enjoy your loves holding and kissing you like this.

A/N: Sorry if this is not up for your standards and it's so late (I'm doing my homework while procrastinating lol :)

[pokidot]

MANDELA — eleven

To put it lightly, Hu Tao was overwhelmed by both the pain and emotion to the point where she had collapsed in the car. So other than the fact that it was completely embarrassing, she didn’t have any other complaints about being in the car with her idol of choice.

The idol of choice being you, if you didn’t get the memo.

Last thing she could remember, she was inside the car of two people who could easily be swatted with the way things were going. And now, with her bleary vision and her swollen eyes she kept finding a futile attempt to frantically blink them, Hu Tao realized that there were now more than just the two she was with now.

"Sheesh. You got her good, huh."

"It was self defense."

"That only applies when they actually fight you."

"You can fight me right now."

"You wouldn't survive."

"God, I'm really hungry right now. There's gotta be something in this store that won't give me diabetes."

"Hey! You can't eat that without paying for it."

The communication, albeit not going anywhere, made her dizzy. There wasn't even anything wrong with the rest of her face anymore, but she could still feel the mucus and snot that was emitting from the depths of her nose. All she could do is withstand the consistent wiping every time the pipes leaked.

She figured out she sat on a wooden stool behind a convenience store counter, hands clasping at a tissue as she dabbed at her teary eyes gingerly. She gained her sentience back once she figured out that there were now more than you and Kuni with her.

Seven figures, all hovering over her in hope that she would come to soon stood in a semi-circle. She wasn’t sure whether they were genuinely concerned or if they just wanted to get to their destination quickly, but based on vibes, it was a clusterfuck.

Kazuha, breath suspended in anticipation, finally exhaled. “You came to, good! It was feeling more and more like we kidnapped you the longer I stood here.”

“Close to it; the worker almost called the police on us.” Aether said.

The air was tinged with a mix of emotions on your behalf, a tapestry woven from compassion, remorse, and a profound desire to speed up the process.

The girl sat on a simple wooden stool, her hands clasping a tissue as she gingerly dabbed at her teary eyes. “Ooooh,” Hu Tao sounded out in exhaustion. “That was a doozy. Kind of reminded me of when I got ran over by horses, except this time, I was actually a victim.”

“Excuse me?” Kuni scoffed. "I'm glad you have the energy to be witty. Real comforting. Drop it, I want to know the real reason why you were near their house."

"Haha...what?" Hu Tao brazenly replied.

"Okay, Kuni, relax. I'm sure she's harmless." You held your hands up to him and waved, a wry smile. "I didn't sit her down to grill her, she's exciting, fresh, and fun."

He rolled his eyes immediately. "Please, she sounds like a deodorant. You," He pointed towards the victim in question. "Start talking."

"Okay...he's right. I have a confession." Hu Tao's shoulders dropped in defeat.

"You really are a backstabber? Because (Y/N) still has that hairspray." Heizou warned.

"What? No! I was going to say," Hu Tao took a sharp breath in. "I was at the presentation, yes, but...I may have been more interested in going for my...own advantages? Heh."

"You don't want to look for ghosts?" Aether's eyebrows rose.

"Knew I got creepy vibes from her." Heizou jutted his thumb towards the door. "Let's make a run for it while we still have the chance."

"Rude...let's hear her out." Kazuha murmured.

"I don't want to hear anybody out who willingly fraternizes with ghosts." Xiao added.

"FRATERNIZE is a strong word. And don't call them ghosts, they don't take kindly to that word. You don't want roaming spirits to be pissed off at you." Hu Tao held a finger quickly up to her lips in urgency. "But no, shocker, they aren't my first priority. I want to know what's going on deeper in Mori Grove."

"Isn't that what we're trying to do?" You blinked.

"Maybe! But I've been trying to look for an excuse to go longer than any of you thought of it!" Hu Tao stuck her tongue out teasingly. "Who knew I had to make a college club to get there?"

Her words hung in the air like ethereal wisps, each fact after fact carrying a weight that seemed to ripple throughout all of them. But Venti, out of all of them, was still not convinced.

He held his hand on his thoughtful cheek, his eyes suspicious and curious at the girl. They flickered with intrigue, "Sounds like you know a lot more than you're giving us. What'cha looking for? Some ancient burial ground?"

"I can't...really tell you."

"I know I'm not the best at time management, but shouldn't we hurry?" You suspended the moment of tension, "The highway isn't going to be open for long, there's already construction guys there."

"Fair point. Let's go." Kuni motioned the collective spirit of six towards the convenience store door (to which the cashier was delighted by such news).

But amidst the flow of the group, Hu Tao stood up, and the violet haired man turned back towards her with a squint. "Not you, though. You can stay here."

"What!" Hu Tao's mouth dropped open. "You can't do that! I gave you a reason!"

Kuni's eyes dulled. "You gave me a reason like you were late to class because your dog ate your homework. Hasta la vista."

Aether looked at Kuni. "I didn't know you spoke French."

"That's...not..." Venti couldn't help but smile. "Nevermind~"

"We can't just leave her here." Kazuha sighed in defeat. "We already bothered the worker here enough."

"I'm glad you know." The cashier comically added in a murmur while they kept reading their outdated newspaper.

"If she doesn't want to tell us, then I'm not wasting my time trying to get an answer out of her." Kuni's eyes dulled. "I'd be more than willing to ditch someone who wasted our time, especially when they just want to hitch a ride off us."

"I hitch rides off you all the time, Kuni! She just wants to go to Mori Grove." You looked at Kuni, still stone-faced as ever. "If she doesn't have the same motive, fine, but she never said she would just go her own way."

"That is the point she was trying to make, though." Xiao added lowly.

"I don't care." Kuni said flatly, before looking back at Hu Tao. "You tell us what you think you plan to achieve, and I'll take back what I said, but you're so suspicious it emits fumes off of you."

"I don't-"

"If you believe her so much, then you can stay with her too. Call me when you wake up." Kuni cut you off.

Hu Tao stopped in her tracks, her mouth still open in shock. She found herself so ensnared in a struggle that her thoughts became mush caught in a strong wind. She panicked once Kuni started to walk off. "Okay, fine!"

As he turned towards her, her brows knit, and her eyes became bewildered with uncertainty. "I'll tell you in the car." Her shoulders dropped.

prev | masterlist | next

NOTES || do i plan to make this the slowest burn to ever burn? yes

TAGLIST: @wisteriarain @akagism2 @murderisokayforme @aeongiies @d4y-dr3am3r @truck-kuns-gf @3lysiaa @ayoitsmarie33 @crucnhice @natsuscrustyscarf @dreamsofminnie @astreaa-express @goj0h @cicibao @xirthia @kylexzz @dollpoetwriting @dreamingkace @strawbxrrytiger @k1an4a

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2895

good god i am always fucking tired!!! why!!!

today was EXCITING.

... but not necessarily in a fun way, though.

got up, dressed, brought joel to work, stopped for pastries, went to work, like usual. i waited around for a while, and i worked with a student for a while, and then the excitement started.

someone from the IT desk came over. he just stood there for a minute. he asked one of the other tutors if she was going.

(going? going where??)

then the library director also came around and said, "there's apparently been a security issue and they're asking us to evacuate the building and go somewhere at least 300 feet away from the building. now."

so i grabbed my shit and walked out with everyone else. we went to the far parking lot, where i was finally able to check my email and see the notification about the evacuation drill.

(oh. okay. it's just a drill. we should be let back in soon, then.)

thankfully, it was a nice day out. a little toasty, but still nice. i had my snacks with me, so i cracked a can of lemonade and had some rice chex while we waited.

about twenty minutes passed. and then someone came around and said, "they aren't letting us back in. if you have your stuff, they're telling you to go."

(wait a minute. isn't this a drill?)

another email came in.

this time, the subject line didn't say "drill."

(oh boy.)

i had all of my belongings, so i took myself and went home. i was gonna take a nap because i was tired as shit.

i ended up reading first and then napping, but then i slept through my alarms and only woke up to a phone call from joel about 10 past 5, after i was supposed to be there to pick him up.

then i checked my email again.

another message.

apparently, there had been a bomb threat made to a school with the same name in a different state, but the room numbers didn't match their campus. so they called us, and our city police department, and we evacuated. nothing was found, so everything ended up being fine.

anyway, after all that excitement, joel got back home because daniel brought him home, and we ordered five guys, and his friends came over, and i played minecraft with andrew for a while. it was fun.

now joel and i are in bed, it's late, and we're both exhausted. i think i'll need a nap tomorrow, too.

sheesh.

[cat3ch1sm]

🍏| hello, guys! this is part two of the headcanons from this post! this one features kurapika, gon, killua, and Leorio! hope u guys enjoy! also feel free to send in requests whenever- see this list for info on what i write and my request rules!

y/n has a powerful nen ability that rapidly drains their energy and results in them fainting on the field during combat. how does y/n's bf react?

leorio palidiknight

· leorio's nen is not very strong compared to that of his friends and yours, so he's never experienced drawbacks of nen like you do. and the more powerful nen users he's witnessed in action have never seemed to have any consequences of using powerful abilities- so he was quite alarmed when you fell to the ground, your aura evaporating into the air around you.

· "Y/N?! Y/N, are you okay? Come on, get up!"

·sooner rather than later, he lets his temper overtake him and lunges at his enemy without thinking, maddened that you were forced into using an ability your physical body clearly was not built to endure thoroughly. obviously, this poor impulse control combined with his lack of fighting experience results in him winding up in the same state you're in.

· so... leorio isn't actually much help LMFAO, but you gotta give him credit for trying. and he's definitely worried about you, and after the threat is eliminated (and he's woken up💀) he'll make sure to tend to you as best as he can.

gon freecss

· gon is probably the best at dealing with your nen-induced blackouts during battle. he's no stranger to the consequences of nen, and he absolutely doesn't want you to deal with what he went through after his defeat of pitou. he knows your issues with that certain ability are not even half as big as his, but gon is not going to take any chances.

·so when you pass out in the field, he'll rush right over to you and place your body in a safe area before resuming the fight- like chrollo, he'll want to eliminate the threats first.

· "Y/N? Y/N! Oh, no- uh, don't worry, I'll be right there, okay? Hey- stop firing at me! Jeez!"

· after the battle, gon will move you to a bed or something like that, and leave you be while you sleep. when you wake up, though, he'll be all over you, asking you what you need and how you feel so many times you'll literally have to ask him to calm down a little. he's so sweet when he isn't fighting

killua zoldyck

· what in the world just happened

· he's just like his brother in this situation- he's just like wtf do i do

· clearly, killua has had close to no trouble at all maintaining stamina and energy during fights. so the fact that someone can actually pass out due to exhaustion is very foreign to him.

· still, yeah, he'll be a little freaked out. although killua knows you aren't dead or anything drastic like that, seeing your limp figure sprawled on the ground does make him a bit apprehensive.

· he probably won't move you somewhere right after you go down. he'll wait for the fight to conclude and then kind of awkwardly pick up your body and carry it to a place he thinks is comfortable enough for the time being (killua being killua, you'll probably wake up on a pile of rocks or something pls)

· when you wake up to killua sitting beside your bed, watching your body as you slept, he'll quickly turn his head away and pretend like he was never looking at you, muttering something like "oh, you're finally awake- sheesh, i was thinking you'd never wake up." he'll sound defensive as hell when he says stuff like thus, but the pink blush dusted along his cheeks doesn't go unnoticed by you.

kurapika kurta

· probably freaks out the most despite being the one who displays it least

· he'll just turn back around and keep working, apparently ignoring your body lying on the ground. obviously he's quite anxious, but he can't let his emotions spiral out of control lest he allow his scarlet eyes to flare.

· now, don't mistake his feigned disdain for him not caring about you. because the second a foolish adversary advances towards you thinking your unconscious body is fair game, he'll take them down in the same second.

· "Y- Y/N? Damn..."

· because of his busy schedule, it's likely he may not have a ton of time to just sit with your sleeping body after he moves it elsewhere following the fight. so, in case he's called away, he'll smooth your hair back and leave a kiss on your forehead along with a short but sweet note:

· i'll be back in a little while, darling. wake up soon. <3 -kurapika

[kailoweenie]

Sick day

Yang Dae-su X GN!Reader

A/N: him singing and smiling is literally the cutest thing 😭 also there's not enough GIFs for this man i swear

Warning: mentions of throwing up and passing out(the usual getting sick stuff) cursing(?)

Genre: fluff

Summary: going to school sick wasn't a good idea, but atleast your lover Dae-su is always there to help

I woke up sweating in my own bed as i look at the time ‘06:32 AM’ it read, getting up was harder then usual, my body feeling extremely sore but i knew i had to go to school somehow.

Today we had an important test which will contribute to 50% of our final exam score. "I can't be that sick right?" I said to myself before getting ready for school. Surprise surprise, i was that sick.

The walk to school was fine until I felt my stomach turning, stumbling my way into the School bathroom i immediately began to throw up "shit, I should have just taken the test another time...this is the worst" I mumbled before fixing my uniform and going to class.

Sitting down next to Dae-su, I immediately started to clutch my head in pain "Sheesh Y/N you're not looking so good there" he glanced worriedly at me "yeah no shit, ugh i feel like my entire body is about to break" "well then why did you come to class? You should go to the infirmary and rest for a bit" he pats me on the shoulder as I looked at him "maybe later, after this test"I smiled as he shrugged "well then,suit yourself"

Once class started I was already ready to just go back home and pass out from exhaustion. Good thing the test was on the first period, I could always just do the test and go home. As time pass by I slowly but surely start to finish the test. Granted, it was a lot harder with me being sick but I fought through it. Once time was up, I went to submit my paper until my head started to spin "shit" clutching my head I cursed under my breath "here, I'll give it to her for you" Dae-su kindly offered "yeah thanks a lot" struggling to stand up, I sat back down as my vision started to go hazy.

As the students all submit their paper, Dae-su went to her table and told Ms. Park about Y/N's sickness. Worried about their health, Ms.park approached the sick student "Y/N, Dae-su told me about your health, how about you go the nurse office while I go and call your parents?" She kindly asked me "yeah...yeah, I think that'll be the best option for me" I said groaning in pain again "Don't worry Ms. park, I'll take them to the infirmary. You can trust me!" Dae-su said coming to help you.

He puts my hand over his shoulder as he carefully take me outside. "Do you think you can stand? Or should I just carry you there?" He asked, getting worried seeing me limping by his side. Earning no answer from me, too sick and tired to speak, "carry you it is then" he carefully picks me up, wrapping my arms around him I mutter a small thank you. As he walks towards the infirmary, I slowly start to nod off, feeling comfy in his arms as he start whistling a tune.

Reaching the infirmary, the nurse immediately help him set Y/N down on a bed. After telling the nurse about their symptoms, she told Dae-su to keep a watch on them until their parents arrives, which he of course, agrees to.

After a few minutes I sat up, looking towards the man next to me "... aren't you gonna go back?" "I'll take this situation anyday if it means I get to skip class" "yah don't be lazy now" i chuckled, playfully smacking his shoulder before taking his hand in mine. "All jokes aside, I'm not gonna leave you here alone Y/N, not until your parents pick you up"

He gently caresses my hand as we both fell into a comfortable silence. "Thanks by the way...for ya know, carrying me here and taking care of me" I said, although still feeling like crap, atleast I had Dae-su by my side to comfort me. He gives my hand a little kiss "of course, as long as you're okay, that's enough for me"

[squidwen]

🐙The Eight-Legged Aesthetic 🐙

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Summary: It’s not easy being you. Money is tight and time is fleeting. You need to find a way to earn a bit extra on the side, and how better than at the Monstro Lounge.

But when a certain restaurant owner is caught off guard when you start gushing about the perks of being an octopus, it’s anyone’s guess how he’ll react to such rare compliments.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Working at the Monstro Longue was something your friends had highly criticized. Especially Ace and Deuce. The troublemaking duo was still shaken from their encounter with Azul (occasionally feeling their scalp for any lingering traces of anemone) and had called your decision to serve his tables an utter betrayal.

You were already a month into your service and still they couldn't quite believe it.

"You getting enough sleep?" Ace had asked you that morning, his brow furrowed puzzledly. "You've either got to be exhausted or crazy to work for that guy by choice."

You rolled your eyes. "Or broke."

His mouth shut like a beartrap.

Deuce, upon sensing his partner in crime's embarrassment, had quickly jumped in. "But you've already got so much on your plate," he said. "Are you sure you can balance another job?"

That touched a nerve. "You mean another job besides getting the pair of you out of trouble?" Since when did they suddenly start showing an interest in your welfare? They had always been content with you shepherding them despite knowing you were always busy. "Honestly, all you two have got to worry about is your exams. Whereas I have to renovate my dormitory, buy enough to feed myself and Grim, study, and do whatever job Crowley has come up with for me. An extra job is an absolute necessity if I want to buy floorboards that don't collapse underneath me, or wallpaper that doesn't reak of damp, or..."

"Sheesh, alright," Ace whined. "We get it."

An enraged flush, to rival that of Riddle Rosehearts himself, entered your cheeks. Deuce grabbed Ace and started to back away slowly.

"W-Well, s-service with a smile, Prefect," he stuttered. "We hope you get lots of tips."

"Here's a tip!" you exclaimed, "Stop making my life difficult!"

They bolted.

That encounter had weighed on your mind all day. You ought not to have been so rude to them. They were only looking out for you, but you couldn't stop yourself. Ace was right to ask if you were getting enough sleep. The truth was, you weren't. Or food. Or downtime. Your life had been a sickening mixture of danger and labor since you first set foot in Twisted Wonderland, and you wondered how long it would be until you snapped.

"Koebi-chan~" Floyd’s familiar, strained voice called to you from across the Lounge. "Why do you look so gloomy?"

"Indeed, dear Prefect,” mused Jade. “Aren't these shifts the highlight of your week?"

Instinctively, you ducked your head. The table you had been polishing caught your reflection - hard and pensive - as two other faces appeared on either side of you. Their expressions were far different to yours; two sweet smiles of razor-sharp teeth. Terribly contradicting.

Jade and Floyd didn't move an inch as you pretended to ignore them. They seemed perfectly content to observe you, their mismatched eyes trailing up your form as if trying to memorise every detail of you. Eventually, you lost your nerve and stood up.

"Of course they're the highlight of my week," you said, with added sweetness. "These shifts are the time I get to see you after all."

Like a child on Christmas morning, Floyd's smile stretched so far it threatened to tear his cheeks. Jade, too, seemed pleased with your answer. You allowed your shoulders to relax, hopeful you had satisfied them when suddenly Floyd swooped down and clamped his arms around you. You gasped, dropping your polishing cloth. The eel squeezed and squeezed you, paying no attention to your thrashing legs or writhing shoulders as he lifted you into the air.

"Shrimpy should persuade people to sign contracts, too!" he cried, eyeing his brother for his approval. "They always know just what to say to people. They're wasted here. Let's tell Azul right away."

Jade hummed inquisitively.

Oxygen was being sucked meagrely into your lungs now. You couldn't even muster the strength to tell Floyd to stop. Your only hope was for Jade to intervene on your behalf.

With anticipation, you watched as his eyes scanned the room, cocking your head to try and catch his attention. But he seemed to not see you. He was too busy mopping up the sight of the table you had been polishing, along with the other uncleaned surfaces, the bar with half-empty drinks and mixers, the dirty floor, and the unmade couches. Eventually, he shook his head.

"I'm afraid that would be-"

"Quite impossible. And Floyd, do release (Y/N). I can't maximise labor productivity if they have collapsed lungs and broken ribs."

Obediently, Floyd's arms went limp. Air blasted down your throat, tasting like the sweetest honey and the crispest water. After taking a moment to steady yourself, you caught sight of a familiar head of snowdrop hair beneath a neat grey fedora.

Azul Ashengrotto, your peer and boss, stood proudly in the centre of his restaurant. The soft blue light from the lamps illuminated his cerulean eyes and pale skin like he was made of pearls and azure. Under his left arm were tucked two glimmering contracts, his cane in the other.

Oddly, found the cane to be especially alluring this evening. Donning the top of it was a little silver octopus, its tentacles wrapping around the magic gemstone and black stick. It was graceful and elegant, unlike the room around you. Everyone else had finished their shift for their day, so it was your job to finish all the cleaning. A sense of dread filled you.

"I wish I was part octopus," you suddenly mumbled.

BANG!

Azul's cane hit the floor. Like a dart, your eyes shot upwards to him. What had happened? Did you say something wrong? To your surprise, Jade - master of masking his emotions - looked shocked, Floyd started giggling, and Azul...you didn't know how to describe his expression. Disgusted? Bemused? Confused?

"W-Why?" he squeaked out, his professional demeanour cracking. "Have we been overworking you? Are you delusional?"

What is it with people assuming I'm sleep-deprived or mad whenever I make a choice? you thought.

"N-No," you said. "It's just that they seem to be so...so...lucky?"

Azul stiffened.

"I-I mean, not only can they spit ink and blend in perfectly with their surroundings, but they also have three hearts. Imagine having a heart attack when you're an octopus. You probably wouldn't even notice. You'd just keep on living with the other two, right? And don't even get me started on the extra limbs. If I had tentacles, I'd get all my chores done within an hour tops! And-"

You didn't manage to finish. Within an instant Azul had swept up his cane, spun on his heels, and shut himself in his office before you could blink.

You stood stunned, glancing between the tweels for reassurance, but all they did was shift their gaze from the office door to you like they were following a fly.

"See? I told you, Jade," said Floyd. "Koebi-chan always knows just what to say to people."

"What do you mean?" you demanded. "What did I say?" You started to worry about potentially getting the sack for this. You often forgot that merfolk and humans were entirely different. Perhaps you had said a phrase that was considered offensive in his culture? Or had gone a bit overboard with your rambling? Either way, the feeling of not knowing was horrendous. Even if this was the end of your short-lived life as a server, you knew you had to at least try and make amends.

So, after quickly adjusting your apron, you took a deep breath and paced over to the office door. The tweels followed behind you, drawn to you like a moth to a flame.

•~•~•~•~•~•

The closer you got to the office, the clearer the sound of angry footsteps became. Azul's voice was lamenting on the other side of the door, too. You couldn't discern exactly what he was saying, but he didn't sound pleased.

"Azul?" you said. "May I come in."

The pacing and muttering stopped.

"No," he said flatly.

"What's the matter? Did I offend you?"

You heard him take a deep breath. "Oh...no. No, of course not. I-I just remembered I stashed a particularly pressing bundle of contracts in my desk. I was merely muttering to myself because I don't want to deal with them at present. But I suppose it can't be helped. Do come back later. Goodnight."

Relief flooded your chest to know that you hadn't crossed a line, but all the same, something didn't feel right.

You knew you ought to have left then and there. After all, your boss had told you to leave him alone. You had to obey. But two pairs of hands pressed up against your back the second you began to retreat. Mischievous grins graced the twins’ faces as they guided you forward, turning the door handle without even bothering to knock.

Before you knew it you were shoved into Azul's office, the door closing quickly behind you. When you tried to open it again, it became obvious the tweels were holding it shut. You felt like a circus act. No doubt they were peering through the keyhole at you.

"I-I thought I asked you to leave me be."

Azul had taken a seat at his desk. A contract was pressed up against his face, obscuring it completely. This was so unlike him. Where was the professionalism?

You paced closer. Azul ruffled the contract irritably.

"Azul, I-"

Without warning, the man slammed his contract down on his desk, making his stationery clatter against the wood.

"Oh! Just be out with it then!"

To your horror, his face was flushed red like he was enraged and embarrassed all at once.

"Well?" he pressed. "Did you mean it? Urgh, what am I saying? Of course you can't have meant it."

"Meant what? What I said about octopuses?"

It didn't seem possible, but somehow Azul's face went from red to purple. You had never seen anyone so irate. You felt weak, small; your heart pounding against your ribcage.

Seemingly displeased by your silence, Azul rose from his seat. You thought he was going to run and grab you. Instinctively, you withdrew. Your eyes never left him.

"Y-Yes," you said quickly. "Yes, I meant it. I'm sorry if what I said was wrong. Fire me if you want, just don't come any closer!"

You had backed up against the door. You could hear the Leech twins snickering from the other side of the wood. You cursed them, feeling for the doorknob, but something grabbed your wrist.

You yelped.

It was slick and cold, appearing like a black piece of rope. As you went to pry it off with your free hand, it yanked you forwards. The force of the pull was so immense that you stumbled straight off your feet and collided with Azul.

Panic consumed you. Things couldn’t have gotten any worse. What was going on? You wished you had never set foot in this place. You wished you had heeded Ace and Deuce's warning and stayed far away from the whole of Octivinelle. You looked up into Azul’s purple face and saw that...it was actually a soft lilac.

His pale skin wasn't filled with rage, but a gentle lavender tinge. Despite your nerves, you glanced down at your wrist and followed the strange black rope down to where Azul's legs should have been. It wasn't rope. It was a tentacle.

"No...way," you breathed.

Azul looked away, releasing you immediately.

"I'm sorry," he said, moving back. "I don't know what I was thinking-"

"You look incredible!"

Silence.

Azul seemed more like the Ursula statue in the NRC quad than a living, breathing person. He refused to move, even blink. His eyes were filled with such awe that you couldn't help but blush.

"Why don't you walk around like this more often?" you asked, genuinely intrigued. "I had no idea that this is what you truly looked like."

Azul seemed uncomfortable.

"Hey," you said, more quietly now. You took a moment to eye him again and noted how his fists were balled and his gaze refused to meet your eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Oh I can’t believe I just did this! After all these years and I buckle at the first compliment. How unprofessional.”

“Azul? Are you okay-“

“I...I don't know!” he exclaimed, throwing his arms up. “But did you mean it? Honestly mean what you said?"

It took you a moment to pull yourself together, but you took it upon yourself to walk up to him and place your hand on his shoulder. You didn't know what had brought this on - his behaviour or transformation - but you were sure it went deeper than what you had said in the restaurant.

"Of course I did," you said. "Azul, hand on my heart, may God strike me dead, I meant every word of what I said and every word of what I say now. You are magnificent. A true specimen to behold and...ah! I sound like Rook. Pardonnez-moi."

Azul chuckled. "N'inquietez pas."

For a moment, the two of you shared a smile. There wasn't an ounce of professionalism in it either. It was warm, friendly, until suddenly Azul's face lifted into a sly smirk.

"But don't think this episode means you don't finish your tasks."

Your face fell. Before you could protest, Azul's tentacles reached up and straightened your shirt and apron. It felt like you were being fussed over by Vil and Riddle at the same time; always so persnickety about the uniform. Other tentacles reached behind him and drew a bottle of polish, disinfectant, and a bundle of cloths from a drawer and slid them into your pockets. You were shocked at how quickly he could slip back into his professionalism. It was almost spooky. Clearly he wanted to put this behind him as quickly as possible and see you get back to work. With a sigh, you spun on your heels and paced towards the door. It opened on its own, revealing Jade and Floyd shining their signature toothy grins at you, acting as innocent as doves.

"Oh, and (Y/N)," said Azul.

You turned to face him.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't inform any of the other students about...this." He gestured to his entire self. "I like to keep a watertight image."

Just then, a wicked thought came to you. Humming sweetly, a sly smirk on your own face, you said: "Of course not. On the condition, you give me a raise."

Azul crossed his arms.

Floyd burst out laughing. “Come on, Azul. They even use blackmail! You’ve got to promote them for that.”

You didn’t stick around to hear what they said next. With cloths in hand, you got back to work, wondering how far this new development would take you in your career at the Monstro Lounge.

••~•~•~•~

Heya lovelies!

I hope you’re all doing well :)

I’m finally back with a bit of fan fiction. I still do plan on finishing True Hatred’s Kiss, but for now I hope you’re all okay with one shots. Do send in requests if you want something specific written

- Squidwen

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 - 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 1.6k

warnings: swearing, arguing

italics means flashback/memory recall

listen to the music masterlist

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The party ended but the yelling didn't stop. It had been about an hour since everyone left and about three since Eren saw Jean last. You were picking up a mess in the kitchen with Eren when he slammed his hands on the counter.

You jumped up and your eyes snapped towards him. His head was lowered and his breathing was ragged.

"Eren?" You made your way to his side of the room and placed a gentle hand on his arm. He turned to face you.

"Sorry." He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you in for a hug. Your hands around his shoulders while his head rested in the crook of your neck. "When will they stop?" His voice was muffled against your skin.

You sighed, "I don't know. I hope soon or before Armin gets home at least." Your right hand carefully made its way into his gnarled hair.

He let out a huff against your shoulder. "Let's try to get some sleep, Eren. We can stay in the basement tonight, yeah?" You whispered. He nodded and pulled back.

The yelling coming from Mikasa's room grew louder as you passed the stairs. You opened the basement door and followed Eren down the stairs.

"You can take the bed." You offered and slumped on the couch. Eren nodded and waved sleepily while heading to the basement bedroom.

The next morning Armin had woken you up in a panic. "Y/n! Y/n, wake up!"

"What? What's going on?" You sat up, alert now.

"Mikasa's gone! Jean said she only left a letter. What the hell happened last night?" Armin's eyes were wide and he was visibly stressed.

"Mikasa's what? What do you mean she's gone? She can't be gone. Where's the letter? Did you read it?" You stood and gripped Armin's shoulders.

"Jean has the letter. She wasn't here when I came home and he was sitting on the stairs with it in his hand."

"When did you get home?"

"Maybe fifteen minutes ago."

You let go of Armin and scrambled up the stairs as fast as you could. Your eyes darted around for Jean when you saw he wasn't on the stairs like Armin had left him. 

"Jean? Jean where the hell are you?"  You were panicked.

The air started to feel stale as you racked your mind for an answer. Where was Jean? Where was Mikasa? Why did she leave so suddenly? What was in the letter? Would you get to find out? When will she come back? Why didn't she say goodbye?

You walked fast-paced through your house, searching for Jean. When you got to the kitchen, you noticed a stray piece of paper on the counter. You picked it up and realized it was what you thought it was.

Mikasa's tear-stained letter was in your hands.

"Dear friends, I'm leaving. Expect not to see me for a long time. I have a lot to think about. I can't be in the band right now. Not like this. Jean- I don't want to see you. Eren- I hope you'll forgive me. Armin- Go see the sea. Y/n- If only you knew. With love, Mikasa."

Your hand had come up to your mouth while processing her letter. Tears spilled down your cheeks as the realization sunk in. She was really gone and you had no idea when you'd get to see her again.

"Y/n, wake up. You fell asleep. We're at your house." Sasha nudged you and you were brought back to reality. Somewhere along the road, you and her switched spots so now you were on the passenger side.

"Ah, my neck hurts." You said bitterly while rubbing the spot your neck was previously, and unfortunately, resting on the door.

"Yeah, that's what happens when you fall asleep in a car," Connie spoke as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. You flicked his forehead. "Hey, what'd you do that for?" He clawed at his head.

You said your goodbyes to the two and entered your house. It was now late afternoon, and Eren was back home.

"Where the hell have you been, tootsie? You look awful." He pointed his spoonful of Nutella at me in disgust. 

"Thanks, Eren. You're a real charmer." You gave a sarcastic smile before grabbing a spoon and joining him on the counter. "I've been out with Sasha and Connie. Where have you been all day?"

"Mind your business, L/n." 

You scoffed as he shoved the Nutella into your arms. "The hypocrisy." You muttered.

"Why isn't this house clean?" He looked at the living room and raised his hands in mock outrage.

"I'm not a cleaning lady! If you want it cleaned so badly, do it yourself!" You twisted the Nutella cap back on the container and tossed your spoon into the sink.

"But whenever I do it, you say it's wrong!" He whined.

"Eren, the dryer sheets go over the dryer and the detergent goes over the washing machine! What is so hard to grasp about that? That's how it's always been! But you probably wouldn't know, since you never do your own laundry." You clutched the counter in annoyance. 

"They're both on the same shelf! What's the issue?" He said, exasperated.

"What are you two on about?" Armin sauntered into the room and sat on a kitchen stool.

"Eren can't clean for shit."

"Hey!" He glared. You stuck your tongue out in his direction.

Armin laughed lowly. "You guys bicker like an old married couple."'

"How dare you say that! I would never marry him! Gross!" You made vomiting motions and fake retched.

Eren smirked. "Well, if things don't work out between you and Mikasa, I'm always around." He tittered.

"Eren, I'm literally gay." You deadpanned.

Armin let out a hearty laugh. "She's got you there." They grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and bit into it.

Before Eren could respond, the kitchen door opened to reveal Jean out of breath in the doorway. "Good evening fellow friends!"

"What's your deal?" Eren raised an eyebrow, referring to Jean's drenched form.

"It started raining. Pretty harshly." Jean wrung out his coat over the stairs.

"Sucks to suck!" Eren's hand slammed on the counter while the other was pointed at Jean.

"Any news on Mikasa?" You asked gingerly.

"Not anything new. As far as I'm concerned, I'm still picking her up at the airport tomorrow," Jean reassured. 

"Should we throw her a welcoming party or something?" Eren suggested. Everyone looked at him like he was a moron. His eyes narrowed. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Are you crazy? She left because of what happened at a party! Why would she want one now? Do you want to drive her away again? Mikasa has never been the party type, anyways." You exclaimed while crossing your arms in front of your chest.

Eren put his hands up in defense. "Sheesh, it was just an idea."

"Yeah, a real dumbass idea." Jean seethed.

To prevent a fight, you interjected, "We have this whole house to clean. If you want a good welcoming gift, you'll help me clean it." You gestured to the several messes in your line of sight.

Eren shifted his glare to you. "Where do I start, then?" He gritted his teeth.

"You can start with your filthy room, and then the basement since you're down there the most." You smiled sweetly and quickly spoke up again before he could protest. "Jean, you can do your room and the rooms on this floor, not mine though. Armin, you already keep the waterfront looking great, but if you could do a sweep-through of the deck that'd be awesome. Also, can you do the office upstairs? I can do everything else."

Everyone nodded and started to clean their designated areas. You went upstairs to finish Mikasa's room and then start on the others. You had already finished with your room. You stopped in front of her door and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing.

Several hours later, the four of you were slouched on the couch, mindlessly staring at a random movie on tv. Jean had tried his best to get comfortable but just ended up upside down. Eren was lying down with his head in your lap and his legs sprawled over Jean, much to his dismay. Armin had a blanket around himself and was leaning on you whilst trying his best to stay awake.

It was close to midnight and you all had a big day ahead of you. "I'm exhausted." Eren groaned from your lap. 

"I second that." Jean lazily raised his hand in the air.

"Me too. I'm headed up to bed. Goodnight everyone." Armin yawned and made his way up the stairs, occasionally tripping on their blanket.

"So am I. Eren get your scrawny legs off me!" Jean hurriedly tried to shimmy off the couch.

"Shut up, horse face! Don't tell me what to do." Eren grumbled while lifting his head off of you. You stood up after him. He sure was a pain when he was tired.

"Goodnight to you losers. Sleep well." He said groggily while going to the basement instead of his actual room. You stretched and headed to your room.

"Aren't you going to get up, Jean?" You rubbed your eyes sleepily.

"Yeah, you go on to bed." He waved you off while struggling to get off the floor. You chuckled softly.

After you got changed into your pajamas, you collapsed on your bed with a heavy sigh, taking a look through your old texts with Mikasa one last time.

posted: 8/25/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.