#like the 100s of posts i see about izzy every day?

[ineffably-human]

It's completely okay they had sex. There is nothing wrong with it and it isn't what temporarily broke them up.

They are both grown-ass men who've had sex with other people before (for various reasons and with various results). The seriousness of their relationship doesn't rise or fall on whether they've had sex because despite social mores, those two things aren't intrinsically linked. Sex is part of how people process complicated feelings all the time (see: funerals, near-death situations), and if both parties are clearly consenting then that isn't necessarily a bad thing or something that ruins a relationship.

Ed wakes up and gets rid of a tangible part of a persona he's wanted to shed for a long time. He makes his lover breakfast in bed. He's not rattled by Izzy coming in to tease them, if anything he's calmer than Stede is (which makes sense as the partner who has actually been with a man/had sex he enjoyed before).

They have a very happy date where Stede's new celebrity status doesn't bother him at all. Ed getting rid of the Blackbeard leathers 'felt good.' More gentle ribbing about sex with Stede gets a smile from Ed.

(They could have chosen to talk about Ned Lowe that morning, by the way, or at some other time that day, or literally whenever they both felt ready to do it. I don't think they did and I think they really should, but they by no means had to process every bit of it five whole seconds after it happened.)

There is no awkwardness, distance, or upset between Ed and Stede until it becomes clear just how much Stede is blowing up as a newly successful pirate, and just how much Ed is thinking about retiring. His conversation with Jackie highlights just how much those are incongruous things. That's when he freaks out and leaves. That's when he starts picking a fight - about how they're moving too fast, about how Stede isn't instantly supportive of his plan to drop everything and run off to a new career, about how fishermen and pirates are fundamentally different or whatever shit he says in the moment.

Because Stede is 100% correct about what Ed is doing - he's blowing it up. Ed is looking for the barest hint of conflict anywhere he can to turn into a bigger fight, and then using that as an excuse to leave before Stede can do it first. And Stede may think that's a fear of commitment or intimacy or something, since he doesn't have the full context, but it absolutely is a cowardly move.

I've seen posts saying Ed is clearly communicating his needs and I feel like I'm living on another planet. Did he ever say 'I'm scared we want fundamentally different lives and that means we can't be together'? Or 'I'm worried the life you want to embrace is the life I need to drop, because it's toxic for me'? Because until he says that, he hasn't told Stede anything.

And nothing about those very real fears has anything to do with sex.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Thoughts I’m too afraid to post publicly lest I attract The Discourse: something something Izzy talking about having to manage Ed’s “erratic moods” -> Ed feeling guilty every time he has a bad day/a panic attack cause he feels like a burden/a chore that Stede has to “deal with” (does that make sense or am I just too deep in the brainrot?)

Nah nah nah I love it, I see what you're cooking, I'm coming into the kitchen, I'm giving this a taste and I'm digging it, we're cooking with gas now mate.

One of the things I love playing with when writing Ed is how he internalizes the things Izzy told him about himself, because we know from canon that he does that. One of Izzy's favorite things to call Ed is "insane," and in Ed's gravy basket dream, he confirms that he's worried that he's insane. There was a persistent pattern in Ed's life of Izzy being the only person he could talk to and Izzy shutting down his attempts to connect with others (remember how he cut Ed's introduction to the crew short in s1e4?), so for a long time Izzy was one of Ed's only frames of reference for things others believe to be true about him.

It doesn't matter that these things are very obviously untrue. Ed isn't unpleasant; he's very friendly, charismatic, and easy to get along with. He's not insane; his reactions to the things that happen to him are always very understandable when you bother to think about his perspective and feelings. Izzy often talks about him like a wild animal that needs managing when he's just...a guy with feelings. Ed's moods aren't erratic, either; he's very consistent with what he wants and when he's not in an active suicidal spiral his moods are as stable as anyone's. What Izzy sees as Ed's "erratic moods" are just Ed getting interested in something and not bothering to explain why because (as we see in s1e4) Izzy constantly shoots him down when he tries to talk about things he thinks are cool and explain what he's thinking about.

I could absolutely see Ed worrying that he's a burden for Stede and making him deal with his "erratic moods" when he's just living his life and having normal bad days, off moods, and panic attacks. And now Stede has to manage his erratic moods! It's definitely going to take a lot of time and patience for him to get to a place where he can see that his emotions are 100% normal and he's not some kind of wild animal who needs a white man to "manage" him and it's not a chore for his boyfriend who loves him to support him.

[squidinkedcreative]

aaaaaaa brain is putting things together about izzy and i just :( damn

also going to say this now that if ur an izzy hater, this post isnt for u! pls dont engage :) thank u

saw art with a quote from a post about izzy, talking about how some people find it touching that he’s buried in the yard of the inn, but this person didn’t. it made them feel sick because he’s buried there like a dog. and just first of all yeah. at first it was touching to me bc of that sentiment that they’re keeping him near them, even in death, but the more i thought on it the more my stomach also churned.

i know djenks had the best intentions with how izzy’s character and arc were treated but jfc ya missed the mark. by a wide margin. like hello???? having the entire point of his arc in season two be discovering himself and growing into himself, hell even standing up for himself and letting himself hold on a little looser to his baggage and just put down the baggage he chose to carry on behalf of the man he loved only for him to die like an episode or two later. and the crew acts like nothing happened just. it doesnt sit right with me and it hasnt since the first time i saw it.

i know its for “plot” reasons, but there was no other way to convey any of this than maiming him like the family dog nobody actually likes??? like a grimy mutt?? without him LITERALLY DYING????????????????? AT THE VERY END OF THE SEASON??????? AND NOT EVEN HAVE THAT BE THE MAIN MESSAGE FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE??? you had to stomp all over his dead body with a fucking wedding. yes yes good for lucius and pete i really do love them and i am happy for them, but its like they all just. moved on. and forgot about izzy. and trust me i am FULLY aware of how complex grief is, but still. it stings. it feels like its watering down the impact izzy had on everyone on the crew.

he and the kraken’s crew grew so close that they tried to keep him alive even tho they all knew if the kraken found out, they’d all be paying with blood. they MADE HIM. A PROSTHETIC. AND PAINTED IT. they cheered him on when he came out in drag and sang in fucking FRENCH!!!!!!! and then he dies and like 3 minutes later theres a wedding and another party. it feels tasteless. it feels demeaning.

and i 100% think djenks roped izzy and ed into the Bury Your Gays trope without thinking that through. elder queer man who is traumatized dozens of times over who just fucking came to terms with himself AND WHO JUST CONFESSED HIS LOVE TO EDWARD!!!! dies. shortly after that, timeline wise. thats the fucking trope. it’s literally right there.

AND THEN. they fucking bury him in the YARD. LIKE A DOG. in the far corner where they wont see it and be reminded of him every day. out of sight out of mind. they’ll move on and grow old together, blissfully happy, while izzy’s bones are the only thing left of the man who once was Israel Hands, First Mate to the legendary Blackbeard. he never got to have his mutual pining moment, he never got to find the true love of his life and grow old with them. he doesnt get to die fulfilled, with labored breaths, as old age takes him. he gets to sit and watch from the corner as ed and stede, his ex of sorts and the guy he replaced him with, live that happily ever after. he gets to sit in the corner like a bad dog and watch as these two get everything he ever wanted. just like the unwanted family pet.

it makes me ill. he deserved so much better. he deserves better than doggy heaven, he deserves better than being roped into the fucking Bury Your Gays trope too.

[iggy-hands]

Woof, that one anti-izzy anon was Really out there fighting the good fight or whatever last night 😂

[sixstepsaway]

It has been 300 years since I've worked on a particular fanfic and I want to return to writing it but I am filled with Concern About My Writing Abilities and Anxious Procrastination. I come to your blog to humbly request words of wisdom and/or encouragement. I will send an ask about Izzy Hands as humble offering.

OKAY. PULL UP A SEAT.

Firstly: read my blog title. No, really; read it. There's no such thing as wasted words, you improve every time you write, so if you go back to your fanfic and you write 1000 or 10,000 or even 100,000 words and you're like "man, this is shit, I don't want to post this" it's fully and 100% okay to delete all that crap and do it again but better. You've learned. You have upped your skill. You have levelled up, it's just that in Real Life (damn that reality thing) you don't get a cute little ding when you level up, you just have to believe it's happening.

Second, I genuinely think most creative skills are like riding a bike, except maybe not the way you expect. I don't think that when you pull that bike back up you just immediately and without fail know how to ride and don't fall off, but I do think that after an hour or so of scraping your knees and rolling around in the dirt, you will get the hang back, instead of it taking however many hours and hours it took for you to get that skill to begin with.

If you get back on the bike, steel yourself and start pedaling, you will remember how to ride eventually, even if it doesn't feel like that at first.

Assuming that you are not a vampire and are in fact a human being and are exaggerating somewhat with the claim that it's been three hundred years since you last wrote this fic, I also believe in seasons of creativity. Sometimes you'll output so much you're like, "Where did all these words come from?" and other times weeks or months or even years will pass with little to no writing (or art, or sculpting, or sewing, or whatever creativity you might do) to show for it and that's okay.

Plants go dormant in winter and bloom once more in the spring, and so will your writing if you let it. It's okay.

If you're worried about consistency, I highly recommend going back to your WIP and rereading it. Curl up in a cozy blanket with your phone or sit with a cup or tea or something and just...read through your fic again, and let yourself enjoy it as a reader, not just the author. Make notes in your head (or on paper, if that's what you're feeling) of what you like about it, what you don't like about it, and what things you've written that might be setting up future chapters or passages for you to draw from. My longest fic is an cql fic which is 86k and when I do go back to add more to it (which I do plan on doing), I will reread it all before I do, and not only get that reader-y feeling of, "Damn, I wish this had more chapters!" but also refresh my memory of where I was going with it and what my plans were.

Now, as for procrastination. Is your Anxious Procrastination because of anxiety about your writing abilities? If so, all of that above might just help, and at the end of the day you don't have to post anything you don't want to. You can write and write and it never see the light of day, if that's what you want.

You don't have to feel anxious about posting until the moment you decide to post.

For other kinds of procrastination my Official ADHD-Haver Recommendations are:

Get a timer app or one of those cube things, set it to a reasonable amount of time (say, 15-20 minutes) and turn it on/flip it over and tell yourself you will Work On The Thing for that long. Having an "end" time for if you struggle works wonders for giving my brain the feeling of leaving when things are too hard, but I rarely have to use it, I usually just keep going. I also find the physical act of turning on the timer (I use YAPA aka Yet Another Pomodoro App for Windows) clicks my brain into a different Zone than "sitting around messing with Minecraft" or "doing absolutely nothing and being mad at myself about it".

Find a playlist or some ambience or something. Earmark it as your Writing This Specific Fic music/sounds. Only turn it on when you're working, and turn it off when you're done. Pavlov is a strong tool for these things.

I'm a big fan of 4TheWords which is a gamification app for writing. I really like it (I have a referral code if you want one), and I find the fun vibes, the inclusive atmosphere, the cute lil creatures you battle while writing etc all really helps give me a dopamine hit while I work that I don't really get from just writing into Scrivener or something.

FocusWriter is another app I really like. You can customize the themes (so you could put like a blurry OFMD image in the background for the vibes while you write) and it's (optionally) full screen to minimize distractions.

If you're still struggling to get started, maybe find like a list of numbered prompts, roll a dice and write like 100-500 words of just... whatever comes up for whatever character or ship you feel like writing. Something just to get you started. I always find it easier to write once I've written, if that makes sense.

Always leave your work unfinished at the end of each day. Sounds daft, but what I mean is: always stop for the day mid-sentence, mid-word if you can. When you come back, you'll see, for example, this: "Izzy has never felt so betr" just lingering on your writing app and you'll go, "Oh yeah, betrayed," and you'll type out the "-ayed" and your fingers will just keep going to finish the sentence, and the paragraph, and so on. That said, if you're posting a final chapter of something, maybe just start the first sentence of whatever you want to write next? Even if you don't come back to really dig into it, you have that word to finish. (I left mine at the end of a sentence today and I am mad at myself for it)

Reread the comments on your fic, if you have them. Let how much people love and enjoy your work wash over you.

Open your writing app of choice and write down all the reasons you're anxious on a bulleted list, then go back, hit enter on each one, tab in for a bullet underneath, and argue with yourself. Tell yourself why your anxiety is so silly and why you're super wrong. Not only does it get you typing into your writing app (see what I did there???) but you'll be surprised how much debating yourself can help with anxiety.

I find most of my own Anxious Procrastination comes from fears of publishing (both my original stuff and my fic), because the idea of Putting Things Out There To Potentially Never Be Finished (hi, yes, I have ADHD and I never finish a damn thing unless I try So Hard It Hurts - see also: my 80k unfinished cql fic) and then am I not a Failure? Am I not a Let Down?

But I also got some amazing comments on that fic, from people who genuinely got a lot out of it, even if it did never get finished (so far 😠) and so I go back and read those, and remember that most of the people who commented on those chapters didn't... really care, if it never finished. They cared that the specific chapter that really got to them existed to begin with.

And I also think of Game of Thrones a little (well, the books). If he never finishes those books, would it take away from the joy people got from reading the ones he did put out there? I don't think so.

So I try to focus on that, with my own anxiety.

This got a little rambly (what, Jess? You? Rambling? Never!) but I hope it helped. Let me know if it did or didn't, please! 💖 And good luck with your writing endeavors!

[editorialsonlife]

Well

Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.

LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN

Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.

WORK

Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.

Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.

Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.

Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.

So there's a lot to toss up there because......

HOME

We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.

Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.

So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.

We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.

Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.

either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.

We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.

PERSONAL

Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.

My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.

Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.

and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.

Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.

Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.

thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!

[ahiddenpath]

Four Years news

I have a draft finished of the next chapter, so it shouldn’t be long before that’s done.  Uh- more below the cut?

So basically I changed some things around last second, hence the hiccup in posting.  Frankly, I’m not really interested in the summer arc anymore, and I’m in one of those...  “Do you want a perfect story, or a finished story?” moments that inevitably occur in every fanfic.  Perfection isn’t an option, so always, always choose to keep moving (although certainly, it’s great to take your time).

So next update, we’ll start the second year of college for Izzy and friends!  I’m a bit nervous, because all I really have written is a general setup of sophomore year and the Shauna resolution.  There isn’t much written for the other kids, although they’re around.  I’m not super sure where I’m going at this point!  I admit that I’m wondering if my goal is to wrap up the open drama and flash forward to year 3, where the older kids will live together just off campus in a rented home, and the younger kids will arrive on campus to provide some new personalities to bounce around.  FRESH BLOOD, lol!

There are about 24K words of material written right now, but I don’t want Izzy/Amy/Shauna stuff only, especially after that hefty summer arc.  I won’t be covering summers again, at least, not like that (I’ve toyed with the whole group renting a house in the Outer Banks together for a week or two over summer, or something like that).  I know I’ve written some ideas down.  One thing in particular is that I love Sora so much, I have a bad tendency to present her as...  Basically as close to perfect as a human can be.  Most of her “negative side” in FY thus far has been her hesitance to commit to anything in her future and her tendency to overwork/focus on goals to the point where she drops other important things.  

These days, I think I understand Sora much more than I did when I started FY, and I want to show her losing composure/snapping at people when she’s been under pressure for too long, nagging a bit, misunderstanding herself and others, suffering caretaker fatigue/resentment, and ignoring her problems by working too hard/focusing on others.  Like- she should get to grow and change, too.

We should definitely see some more of Hana and Tai, too, and maybe have Dyani come around...  I realized that Dyani kind of...  Reappeared to help Amy???  And she’s a really awesome character (if I do say so myself, lol!), so I want her to have her own problems and growth/receive help in return.  Like, she won’t hit the same involvement level as, say, Hana, but I want her to have more material.

I’m still not sure if I ever resolved how I’m writing FY Matt these days, lol!  You know I’ve been editing early FY chapters, and this boy is all over the place.  I think I’ve more or less???  “Resolved” it???  As, “Matt has a cool, arrogant stage persona that sometimes leaks into his normal life, which isn’t too surprising, given all the fame and attention it’s given him,” plus, “But Matt is an emotional, introverted, easily embarrassed mess who loves his friends so much he sometimes doesn’t know how to act.”  And, as I’ve said, Matt also has strong social intuitiveness, because I need a male character with this skill.  This isn’t... necessarily... true to canon (sometimes Yamato truly nails it, and sometimes he can’t notice a hint if it dances naked in front of him.  I haven’t been able to 100% understand why, but I think it might have to do with how calm he is in that moment.  If he’s not calm, forget it).

I haven’t even mentioned Joe and Mimi, lol!  What are they up to?

So yeah, I want to interweave more material into the Shauna arc, and then leap to year three.  And thennnn...  Davis!  Ken!  Mystery surprise characters!  TK and Kari on campus!  A few more faces!

Uh-  Uh-  I guess tell me what you’re most interested in!  And look forward to an update soon!  Okay, bye!

[normal-thoughts-official]

aaaand we are back back again with malec livewatch! you can read the first and second parts before if you wanna, or filter out “malec livewatch” if ur tired of this absolute bullcrap

yes i know it’s been years. not my fault okay i was studying

today: post-wedding 1×12! and finally freedom from the terrors of s1

forever a slut for that scene where Magnus just does that hand movement and a bunch of shit starts showing up in the conveniently empty table ugh we stan. imagine if the special effects had been this good all the time they really used up 10 out of their 15 dollars and all the two favors from cousin Mike for this one. 1×12 was so inspired tbh only valid episode

Alec's clothes look so much better without the stupid ugly blazer? could do without the high waisted pants (why) but he looks so much better and also more comfortable. again i hope the costume department staff got a big, fat paycheck because the difference we see in him during the wedding vs post-wedding alone is just insane. he looks so much better and more comfortable and more himself, the blazer made him look stiff and again DOESNT MATCH THE REST. also nice touch that the blazer is the only part of his clothing with gold, the sh wedding color. he gets that off and everything looks so much better

Magnus looks even better post wedding too. like the clothing is already *chef's kiss* but he looks even prettier afterwards somehow. the hair is a little softer and he's less stiff as a whole (for obvious reasons), and aaaa hes so beautifulllll he's so prettyyyy look at his perfect soft little hair falling softly over his head and the PINK STREAKS possibly the best Magnus look i said what i said. especially with him all soft and smiley like that i big love him

sexiest thing about Magnus is how Jace does anything and hes like NO BITCH

the way he says "warlock tracking is stronger" with that smile......... hes so prety

that's a deep inhale he makes before using the tracking spell lmao u ok buddy?

oof i can only imagine how he felt when he was doing the tracking and he was suddenly hit with an image of Camille screaming and hitting in his direction,,,....,,,,,,, Fuck

love how Raphael just locked her in the basement thats so sexy of him we stan

"i punched her there's no way she'll help me" ugh still salty that clary of all ppl got to punch her but not Raphael or Magnus fuck this tbh

STOP MAKING ME LOOK AT CLACE

they both look so giddy and happy to be talking after the whole wedding thing + camille drama like don’t look at me. alec can barely look at magnus because he’s so agitated but you have the smile on his face and magnus is also smiling disbelievingly and i just doaudjsuoiadsa i love they

seriously tho the way magnus smiles..... so private and disbelieving but also so obvious and he’s even looking down like he never expected stuff to go down this well..... bro i stan

i had forgotten about the specific cadence in which alec talks? lmao. there’s a certain tilt to his voice when he says “it’s so INTENSE” that i really love

also that’s a really funny line like honey who the fuck are you to complain about anything being intense. ur the most dive or die bitch in this entire building. and we stan

alec’s WIDE ASS SMILE when magnus says “you certainly know how to make a statement” I CRY. magnus looks so proud of him and still disbelieving that alec went this hard for him and alec is just still on cloud 9 that he really Did That and came out and magnus is just proud of him and wow he really gets to have this and duahdsudhsadajsas???? i adore everything about them

the way maryse shows up and magnus immediately recoils and alec immediately straightens up like magnus is lowkey expecting rejection and alec is just bracing himself for one of the hardest fights of his life

also their expressions are so funny like maryse is LIVID she’s absolutely losing her mcfucking mind with anger homegirl’s head is about to explode and robert is just looking like he pissed on the carpet or something

the way alec doesn’t back down at all is so admirable too like!!!! it’s one thing to make a big fuck you gesture, it’s another to still hold your ground against your abusers after that fact. but he really stands there and goes “this isn’t about you” “i’m the same person i’ve always been” and doesn’t give her an inch of room for clownery. like again once alexander gideon lightwood makes up his mind there’s no stopping him and there’s no going back and he’s just so fucking strong??? he really said “from now on i’m out and you’re going to absolutely deal with that and i will not compromise a single thing” and the lightwoods just had to deal with that lmaoooo 

you can see it in maryse’s face too, like after the “i’m the same person i’ve always been” she just pauses, realizing that she lost this battle without even knowing, she was on top of it a second ago and now there’s nothing she can do anymore and she’s just shook. and all that’s left for her is to scoff at magnus and leave, because that’s it, she lost every hold she had on him

alec’s little mouthed “what?” at “and all for a downworlder” too. i think part of him was like “wow she’s backing down already?” because you know he expected this to be a lot harder i think lmao. but i also like to think that there’s a side of “mom what the fucking fuck have you seen him he’s gorgeous and kind and smart and amazing and literally the best person i could have fallen in love with but go off i guess”

robert going all “just give her time” like he doesn’t understand what’s happening here at all. he clearly plays the “good cop” in the lightwood’s abusive dynamic tbh, like people often brush him off as being just spineless but i honestly think that he’s just the other side of her manipulative coin. specially with izzy, like, when izzy said fuck it and completely let go of maryse’s hold on her? that’s where robert came in, being the accepting, “nice” parent who listened to her and cared, and making sure she’d keep her loyalties. because he didn’t really stand up for izzy either and in the end he kept her still glued to the lightwood family through that, and kept defending maryse and izzy listened to him because he was robert. and i think that’s what’s happening here too, him trying to frame this as “don’t worry, she’ll come around” because he knows right then that alec is absolutely going to turn their back on them if that’s what it takes for her to be happy so he immediately slides in and reframes this under an affection light where everything will be alright! even if honestly i don’t think that’s what alec is really thinking about at all, i think he was 100% ready for a showdown 

and robert is clearly so disapproving and yikes at the whole thing too but he pretends he isn’t and like lmao

shoutout to their faces when robert asks “are you two in love?” like magnus just turns around like oh hell no we’re not gonna have this conversation and alec lights up for just a second with a small smile before he’s like wait wait no shit shit shit we’ve just met no of course there’s no love (and like... i don’t think there is per se, because i think love is something that takes longer to settle in, specially for alec, but i think the idea that he could talk openly about being in love with a man and even fall fully in love with magnus one day makes him super happy you know?) lmao dorks

tho tbh i think magnus shuts down that conversation immediately to avoid heartbreak. because i think that for this whole thing he was expecting alec to say something he’d hate hearing to get his parents’ approval, you know? like like i said it’s really unexpected and surprising/inspiring that alec didn’t back down an inch there, and i think he was expecting alec to kind of fall back slightly now, like, he played his cards and now he would negotiate with them, you know? find a place to make them comfortable. instead alec gives them a complete fuck you and he’s like... damn obviously super pleased but also waiting for the other shoe to drop

he just steps in like “pls no” and stops that conversation right there 

the way alec takes a deep breath and magnus opens his mouth then closes again quickly not knowing what to say and then changes the subject.... he’s really so scared of this talk and i just aaa

alec literally never fucking stops going from magnus’ eyes and lips in quick succession like alec. alec please. stop being horny for just a second man. please alec i’m begging you

it’s so cute how magnus mentions a date and alec is immediately like “hell YEAH we should do that” no hesitation like he’s 100% ready to leave immediately right now (i see his pause between “wanna... i don’t know, get a drink?” and “....sometime?”, i see it, you can’t fool me alexander) and also the fact that his first suggestion is something that he hates but that he knows for a fact magnus likes is so cute, like he immediately goes for magnus’ interests here and we stan

i also think that he’s come to associate drinking = dates after 1x06 and the way magnus called him specifically for a drink before he showed up too, like... it’s cute how he immediately came to associate those things because of magnus and just jumps into that because that’s what he knows. he’s so eager and like good for him

magnus’ SMILE when he says that like bro he can see how stoked alec is to go on a date with him they are adorable he is so fucking HAPPY i doubt he expected such a great outcome from this and yet here they are

ALEC DOES THE WHOLE LOOKING AT HIS LIPS IN QUICK SUCCESSION THING ONE LAST TIME BEFORE THE SCENE ENDS SHUT UP OH MY GOD HE NEVER STOPS. MATT DADDARIO THANK YOU FOR MY RIGHTS

next part

[gfhanji]

2020 Appreciation

I felt so bad with everyone making posts and I was lazy and planned not to but here I am

@nakamowoto hello chellie!! My twin, I wanted to tell you that I love you to death, and beyond that, for everything you’ve ever done for me. We met at a pretty shitty time, I had just broken up with someone and I was convinced everyone I ever knew hated me, but you swooped in after I liked your posts and picked me right up without you even knowing how much you were helping me. You’ve always dealt with my ass somehow. Okay, but for real, I don’t know where I’d be without you. You’re one of my (if not the) best online friends I have ever made. You’ve arguably made my century.

@yeetyouhoes hey danny!!! I love you so much, you don’t even know. You have also unknowingly helped me through so much more than I can name, and if I had to name the person I trust the most, I would easily think of you first. For real, I could jump off a building and know 100% you’d be there to catch me. You’re so real and genuine, and you always seem to know what’s best. I look up to you in a lot of ways, and I know I’ve told you this before, but I see you like an older brother. I never want to lose you, because you’re just so special. You’re a friend that someone would only meet once in a lifetime.

@defsigh nideen!!! Hey boon, I really love you. In the old group chat, you immediately stood out from everyone else, and I just knew I had to make you my friend. You have the funny kind of energy that is just, welcoming? comforting? I think that’s how I’d describe you best, comforting. You have something about you that I feel like I’m used to, like I could go to you for anything at any time and know you’d always be the same person. You are always what anyone needs, serious, smart, hilarious, and you always know whether I’m joking or being serious, and that makes me feel close to you.

@veckvontour izzy! hello! My dear child, I wish I could tell you in words how much you actually mean to me. I know I met you as one of the last people I ended up being close with on tumblr, but you seem like one of the first people I’ve met. I had to much fun introducing you to the nine guys I feel the most passionate about, and watching you become the fan that you are today. I know I’m not the same person as your old best friend, and I can’t touch you or make physical memories, but I will never hurt you, and our friends will never abandon you. I hope that in time I and the others can slowly heal the wound she left, and be friends until we’re wrinkly and old.

@sweetchaos-yk hey nakecia! You’re one of the people we don’t always appreciate on the group chat, but I hope you know that you’re so special. It’s been a wild ride for me by the way of our friendship. I used to think you were sorta like heart, serious and responsible and everything but at the end of the day, you’ve become one of the most hilarious people I’ve met on tumblr. You always manage to make inside jokes and laugh along with us and it doesn’t feel right if you aren’t with us. You always end up being part of our dumb inside jokes and I have no clue how we would’ve ended up if you weren’t a part of the boons.

@thatadorkablegirl shanni! You’re the rubber band of our group, holding us together so strongly, making sure we’re always okay and knowing exactly what to do if we aren’t. I know that sometimes I forget to ask if you’re okay too, and I know that I need to start to check up on your well being more too. It breaks my heart so much when you aren’t happy, because you mean lots to me and try so hard to keep all of us happy. You’re an angel, I swear to it, an absolute angel. You are someone I aspire to be. Caring, kind, stunning, and everything else under the book, that’s what you are. You are special. I love you.

@ethereal-bean heart! I know I don’t talk to you much anymore and haven’t checked up on you, but I love you so much, and I hope you know that. You’ve always been there for everyone, holding us all to eachother like glue. You always think about others feelings and know what’s best for everyone. You never talk badly about others, only truth, and seem to always have a compliment waiting to give to others. Again, I really do look up to you. I hope that one day I can be as generous as you, able to give to others and never ask for anything in return.

@lucyhasproblems hey lucy! I know we never talk one on one, but you’re an awesome person, and another person that I feel so unbelievably close to. You’re so funny yet so witty, literally the definition of a powerful woman. You can be intimidating at times despite how much I deny it, but I always realize that you’re actually so sweet and loving, and I love it when you come online. You have strong opinions and a strong voice, and it seems like literally everyone here loves you. I really hope that being your friend rubs off on me a little bit, because I could really use your endless knowledge and powerful presence. I love you.

@chanswish bambi, I know we don’t talk much anymore, and I hope you know I’ll come back to tumblr soon. When I met you, I immediately knew that you’d fit like a glove into our group. I felt such a welcoming aura around you, and like I could honestly say any opinion or statement I wanted and you’d be totally chill with it. I feel so protective over you now, and it’s probably my mom instincts to the young one, but I need to hug you and make sure you are never harmed by anyone. I wish I could tell you how much I love you, and how close and open I felt to you in such a short amount of time. I want you to know that I love you to death.

To the group,

Hey boons. It’s been roughly what? Three months? Since I met you. From sitting at my kitchen table choking on my ramen on a group chat as I talk about toes and foot fetishes, to texting you all and making edits of the rat tail lover, you have never ever failed to make my day. Each and every one of you are so, so special to me in your own ways. Without a doubt I can say that you guys have made my 2019. I wish I could scream it at all of you, cry and sob and hug you all so tight and go on for hours and hours about how strong my love for all of you is, but sadly, we only have met online. That’s funny, isn’t it? The ones who are states, even countries away, end up being the best people I have ever met, the ones I want to hug the most, the ones that I trust with my life. I wish life could be convenient, and just put us all in the same neighborhood or perhaps make us all siblings. But life isn’t that, is it? But honestly, sometimes I like it this way, because I know that our friendship is so strong, that no matter how much distance we have between ourselves, that we will always be a family. We will always support one another despite being thousands and thousands and thousands of miles away, ready to lift one another up, make each others day, and joke around and not judge one another. I feel so lucky being able to know each and every one of you, and I hope that you all know exactly how special you are. I hope we can go into 2020 together, watch eachother grow, watch eachother change, and learn to stick together in this wild journey of life. I hope we can end 2020 and say that no matter what kind of year we have had, that at least we have eachother.

With that, no matter your time zones, I wish you a happy New Years.

[killinbills]

you did this on instagram ages ago and it was super interesting lool,,, would u mind showing us all the stories in ur drafts :))

yesss!! so in order from most recently updated onwards:

ruby ruby -- steve harrington: HM

untitled margo valen fic -- regulus black: probably never gonna post this one but sometimes when i make covers for no reason i make a draft so i can stare at the cover a little more lol

the princess diaries -- thor: definitely never gonna be posted but i just liked staring at the cover i made for it haha!! (if u go on my ig it’s on there!!)

dolittle -- george weasley: see below lol

baby -- george weasley: look it took me a WHILE to get a george fic right!!!

high stakes -- sirius black: before i posted most noble i was thinking of a continuation of mean spirits but decided a happy epilogue and then most noble would be best

thrills -- peter parker: this was the og morningstar... by og i mean the first version where izzy was in the mcu, since originally she was dc.

not the chosen one -- hermione granger: about harry’s older brother archie. he’s now featured in most noble!!

blue hawaii -- remus lupin: au of my old old old fic called blue

in bloom -- isaac lahey: updated version of my old jackson whittemore turned isaac lahey x oc fic called teen idle

teen idle -- jackson whittemore but also isaac: scott’s sister gets with jackson but is in love with her best friend isaac. it was fun and people were mad when she ended up w isaac not jackson hahaha. also riley mccall is now featured in morningstar!!

some other CLASSICS from my post 2015/16 days, in order from oldest to newest but not acc new, include:

love her anyway -- draco malfoy: we don’t talk about her. but her plot line was decent,,,,,,, admittedly,,,,,,, and i used it a wee bit for both livvy and holly (mostly holly w the unbreakable vow n hol + draco feeling each other’s feelings, only with holly it was written SO much better) oh and also her dad was barty crouch jr and im gonna be honest i really don’t know why i keep on writing about the crouches for some fuckin reason but briar says hi

cross my heart -- stiles stilinski: ‘another hunter family!!!’ but ~just~ before that got super super popular?? maybe it was. i can’t remember. but it felt original at the time lol i promise. ah so yes i did in fact write a stiles fic bc i did in fact,,,, like every other 13 year old,,,, think he was fit,,,, and ngl. the writing is shit. but. cmh was the reason i got to 100 followers and was my first big fic so. i’m nostalgic for that reason lol/

teen idle -- jackson whittemore: said above but the story goes i liked marina and the diamonds way too much and wrote a whole fic about it. also i’ll argue riley’s been my most ~controversial~ character because people hated her when she started acting ‘cool’ to get jackson’s attention....... and then they hated me when she ended up with isaac not him hahahaha sorry xoxoxoxo

athena -- barry allen: this inspired morningstar but like the similarities are literally just the main character is izzy. lol in this version she wasn’t the antichrist, she was just a rich girl who’s dad was in prison like barry’s,,,, she was friends with the guys at star labs through her dad,, and yeah. kinda basic but it was nice. and isabelle was made as a result of it so :-) fave

also notable mention to arabella which was an original paranormal story i wrote and people LOVED IT. and then i unpublished it lol. literally can’t remember why but god it was so fun to write

ask me questions!!

[poemsfromthealley]

personally, i’ve always found navigating shadow world politics more intriguing than saving the world as a co-product of the never ending morgenstern family drama anyway. so, i’m not upset about alec being denied ‘action-y, heroic storylines’. punching things is not the only way to save the day (izzy and her HF arc when she employs wit, cunning, persuasion, and, yes, empathy is a great example). what I am disappointed about is that he doesn’t really get to ‘save the day’ using p1

The above is the first of seven asks this anon sent to me. The rest and my reply are under the cut.

tl;dr More discourse on Alec and the narrative value of violence. Spoilers: I’m getting a bit tired here.

‘soft power, of diplomacy, or cunning and empathy to achieve ends and resolve plot’. if the point of alec’s narrative is that violence is not the universal problem-solving mechanic, shouldn’t we see him succeeding through other means even like occasionally? but what we see is alec making bad choices most of the time or doing nothing. you can’t have a character who is supposed to lead and negotiate and show him incompetent at his job (and I’m not even talking about trivialities like alec p2 

getting his ass handed to him by everyone and their mother for plot convenience). i realize it’s a complex situation. the writing wasn't sh strongest suit (+ the showrunners were complicit in homophobia) in general and the source material is no help ESPECIALLY when it comes to alec. also it wasn't always the worst (tm) and i appreciated their idea to make alec hoti instead of clace but i can't help but feel that the idea of alec as a great leader/diplomat never really made it onto the screen. p3

I agree on your thoughts abt violence in fiction but I’m not sure if it’s correct to compare fandom reactions to Sansa and Alec. I mean, they face very different biases from two wildly different fandoms? As someone who read TMI I can say it’s natural that people appreciate the show for letting Alec kill demons/circle members (those vampires in 1x03 is a separate discussion, though) bc in the books Alec, a trained (!) shadowhunter whose signature weapon is long ranged (!!), has never killed a >>   

demon until the end book 3 for an absolutely nonsensical reason. It’s also understandable that many viewers enjoyed Alec punching Jace. It was honestly refreshing to see the golden boy not getting an upper hand in every given situation. Book!Jace treated Alec even worse than his on screen counterpart in s1 and got away no matter how nasty he was. So, I can see how it was a cathartic ass beating for some. As to Meliorn, the SQ made an alliance with Sebastian/Jonathan. Following her orders, >>

Meliorn sent several Downworld Council representatives including Magnus to Edom. Alec tried to interrogate Meliorn on the whereabouts and condition of Magnus and the other hostages by shooting him in the leg, but when he was reminded that Meliorn, a half fey, can still lie, Alec angrily shot him in the chest. So, yes, the scene is pretty dark, you won’t hear me say otherwise. However, it’s one of the few scence within TMI when Alec as a character gets some agency, independence, and complexity.>> 

In this rare moment, Alec gets some real character substance instead of being reduced to his sexuality or used to highlight the greatness of others. TBH I wouldn’t begrudge people liking it or wanting to see something similar on the show. IDK I feel like it's very different from the prejudice Sansa receives from the fandom (esp fandom dudebros :/) 

I really feel like this should have been a post on your own blog, anon. I'm posting your messages here for the sake of not having details out of context, but I'm not 100% sure why you've sent me this whole-ass essay.

I haven't read the TMI books and I likely won't. I can't really comment on Alec and his character in them. If you feel the only valuable things he does are those you describe above, then that's your prerogative. I probably wouldn't agree, but I'm a stranger on the internet. Nobody needs my permission to like or dislike things, nor can I give it.

I'm glad you find Izzy's plot with the Heavenly Fire satisfying. I do too. I also find Alec's plot in 3.02 (The Powers That Be) satisfying. Alec uses subterfuge, covers for Magnus with Lorenzo, makes a plan (cleansing the leylines) that pays off, and deals with a mutiny within the Institute. Both of these are pretty singular events. Both Alec and Izzy get their competence sold out at random, because someone always has to be holding the Idiot Ball in this show.

If you enjoy Alec punching Jace, then all I can say is, good for you. I don't. I never will. I'm tired of the assumption that I should take the side of one character against the other when I'm much more interested in their relationship and teamwork, flawed and hard-won as both of those are. You've clearly read my blog, and I think I've made myself clear on that.

On which note: Shadowhunters is not a quality show. When I talk about it in a meta capacity, I have to take as a baseline that a lot of the time it makes no sense. It can't remember its own lore half the time. It gives Alec a lot of grand ideas—speeches about trusting his gut and upending traditions, dramatic scenes of him briefing his Shadowhunters, the whole Downworld cabinet—and then merrily undermines them chasing some new shiny plot thread. So yes, Alec's arc is wobbly. You need to apply a lot of Best Case Scenario to make it work. I just don't think it's especially wobbly compared to the rest of the show.

I love the potential, in Alec and in everyone else. I love the bits and pieces that we get and build on them in fanwork. I’m not really here to debate what the show did wrong, I’m here to talk about possibilities.

Sansa and Alec are not directly comparable, but I stand by my argument that they get devalued by fandom for similar reasons. Shadowhunters fandom has a much lower dudebro quotient than GoT, but dudebros and YA/slash fans are equally capable of being motivated by internalised misogyny.

Did I cover all your points? If you want to, I don't know, exchange ideas, a little more brevity and focus would be nice. If you want me to agree with you, then yes, I do, to some extent, and as for the rest, we just want different things from our fiction. Go forth and enjoy yours in peace (not that you need my permission, again).

[plotholes-and-paradoxes]

I was tagged by @hyba for this cool tag game :) 

1. If your OCs all had a favourite mug, what would be on that mug (images, quotes, etc.)?

Lydia would definitely have one of those cute “positivi-tea” mugs. She probably would give Seren one that says “cool beans” or something and Seren would hate it but use it every day.

2. What is one thing your OCs want to do before they die (provided they aren’t already deceased ^^)?

Seren wants to prove to the world that her affinity is not evil and that her mother wasn’t all bad. Lydia just wants the people she loves to be safe and happy. 

3. Do you enjoy entering writing competitions or challenges? Have you ever won a writing competition?

I’ve won a couple but for what I’ve written for my high school newspaper, not for creative writing. I won first place in my division in newswriting for a state competition, an honorable mention in a national competition, and a “Best of SNO” story (SNO is a host website to thousands of school newspapers). 

4. What are some WIPs from around writeblr that you would recommend and for what reasons? ^^

HENCH - @radley-writes. It has queer girls and questions what makes a hero or a villain and honestly I will sing its praises until the day I die. It’s currently in its Beta stage so not much writeblr content is being posted about it, but Radley is currently posting a lot about their current WIP, Bad Necromace, which I would also definitely recommend you check out! 

Masks and Madness - @masksandmadness. A morally gray “hero,” lovers-to-enemies, superpowers, and the excerpts are all amazing!!! I would die for Seb and Izzy and i’ve only met them through snippets.

Knight Errant - @dove-actually. Queer female knight trying to right a wrong done to her family?!?! While being “errant” aka hated by most of the population, especially her ex??? I love it. (Also she reminds me a little bit of Jessica Jones in the way that she seems to cut herself off from others while still getting shit done? Can you tell I love superheroes too much?) 

5. Your OC is on a train and there’s a bomb! What do they do?

Seren would probably jump on it, especially if that would shield Lydia from the blast. Lydia, being an absolute angel, would do the same thing except she has healing powers so she might be alright. Clarence would probably see if they were passing any homes/buildings and if the answer was no he would yeet it out the window.  

6. Is there any illustrator or artist that you’d want creating illustrations for your WIPs and OCs?

VIRIA!!! She used to be super famous for doing fanart of Percy Jackson and Harry Potter and I love her with all my heart. 

7. Have you ever written a letter and mailed it to a friend? Would your OCs write letters to their friends?

I don’t usually write letters and my handwriting is horrible. Seren would probably only write a letter if she’s really lonely but Lydia 100% has a box full of calligraphy paper and blank thank you notes. 

8. The house is on fire! It’s fast becoming clear that it can’t be saved. What does your OC do?

Seren will grab Lydia and get out, which is convenient because Lydia will grab Seren and get out. 

9. What’s a recent source of inspiration for you?

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe. It has prose that reads like poetry and is really introspective and that’s how I like to write so it was cool to read :)

10. Have you read any books worth recommending? ^^ What were they? If not, what’s a book you look forward to reading?

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe and the Inexplicable Logic of my Life by Benjamin Alire Sáenz, and HENCH by @radley-writes (yes,,, i know it’s still in Beta but i cannot stop thinking about it). 

Here are my questions! I’m tagging @radley-writes, @masksandmadness, @dove-actually, and @mousetache. (Feel free to not reply if you don’t want to <3) 

1. Which WIP have you been saddest to give up on/put aside? 

2. What is your favorite thing salvaged from a discarded WIP for a new one? 

3. What moment/idea/etc sparked your current WIP?

4. What characters ended up extremely different than you planned them and why? 

5. If your OC sees someone drowning, what do they do? 

6. What would happen if you locked your protagonist and antagonist in a room together to work things out?

7. How does your OC react to fear? What about joy? 

8. What is the most on-brand thing in your OC’s room?

9. How do you write? (Only when you’re inspired, do you have a schedule, etc?)

10. What made you realize you want to be a writer? 

[jordancat]

'Shadowhunters' Series Finale: Bosses Explain Clary's Cliffhanger and Malec's Near Perfect Wedding (Exclusive)

By Leanne Aguilera‍ 7:30 PM PDT, May 6, 2019

ETOnline

https://www.etonline.com/shadowhunters-series-finale-bosses-explain-clarys-cliffhanger-and-malecs-near-perfect-wedding

Go to the article and give it a hit, but in case the article is moved or has been taken down if you are finding this post in a year or so after Shadowhunters has been saved, here is the content. 

WARNING: If you have not watched the series finale of Shadowhunters, then grab your stele and escape through the nearest portal. For everyone else, grab that extra box of tissues and listen up...

After three action-packed seasons filled with gut-wrenching twists and heart-pounding turns, Shadowhunters has come to an end.

The series finale of the Freeform drama has just bowed on our screens, but if you're anything like us, then a lot of questions must be racing through your minds as you try to catch your breath through a river of tears.

In one last quest for answers – and perhaps a bit of closure – ET called up Shadowhunters executive producers, Todd Slavkin and Darren Swimmer, and asked the co-showrunners to explain our most burning questions after that two and a half hour finale.

Read on for exclusive explanations about Clary's shocking cliffhanger, the few things missing from Malec's near "perfect" wedding, and one last answer to the question that every fan has been asking: Is this really the end of Shadowhunters?

ETonline: How important was it for you deliver a Shadowhunters series finale that you knew fans would be proud of?

Todd Slavkin: It was hugely important. We poured our hearts into this finale and we wanted every moment to count – especially Malec’s wedding. That was a big moment for a fandom that had been waiting a long time to see it and it had to be really, really special.

Let’s talk about Malec’s wedding – it was gorgeous. What little details did you make sure were included in the Malec wedding, so it could be perfect for the fans?

TS: The flower girl was really important in that it had to be Madzie. Maryse walking Magnus down the aisle was a really powerful statement after all they’ve been through and knowing what the wedding was like in season one. It felt important that it was full circle and that hug between them still breaks my heart when she sends him up on the stage. The vows needed to be perfect – every single word needed to count. There was a little fun behind-the-scenes moment where it felt right that Alec would be very nervous – more nervous than Magnus. After all, this is The Institute, this is The Clave and there’s a great moment where he’s nervous and Harry just gives him a little nod like, “Its okay. You’re going to get through it.” And it felt so right and so honest and like a lot of weddings that I’ve been to. Just capturing those human moments – the whole show has really been about that. Even in this heightened reality, these human emotions and moments really mean a lot to all of us.

Darren Swimmer: We wanted to populate the wedding with as many of the characters in the overall series as we could. So anybody who wasn't at the wedding, you can be pretty sure was not available due to scheduling, or they were deceased on the show, or a villain.

Speaking of deceased villains – Let’s talk about Jonathan. How did you guys decide that Clary would create one last rune in order to take down her brother?

TS: Well, it felt so right that the ultimate sacrifice that Clary had to do would be killing her brother and saving the world at the same time. We knew that he couldn't die by anyone else’s hand. And we knew that it would be incredibly heartbreaking that his sister – this human that he’s loved so much and he’s wanted her love for so long – is the one who finally wanted to take his life. The idea of creating this new rune and using this winged embrace to kill him just felt like such a perfect moment. Rhyming the wings that we had seen before and with white conquering darkness and all of that.

Even though Clary used this new rune to save the world and take down Jonathan, Ithuriel (sic - it was asctually Raziel - jordancat) still stripped her of her Shadowhunter status. We had a one-year time-jump and a cliffhanger ending with mundane Clary recognizing Jace and seeing his runes. Can you explain the meaning of that last scene?

TS: The expression of the love between Jace and Clary is such an integral part of the series and we knew we had to pay it off in a huge way. The idea that the love that they have is even more powerful than the wrath of the angel Ithuriel (sic Raziel - jordancat) is just such a great statement. Love conquers all. Love conquers darkness.

DS: I would also add that we see the inevitability of Clary as a Shadowhunter. At the end of the day, her fate is that she’ll be a Shadowhunter. We don’t completely answer that question or present that, but I think that’s what the takeaway is. She’ll be a Shadowhunter.

Take me past that cliffhanger of an ending. What do you envision what happens next? Does Clary need to re-learn her training? Does she need to re-form those bonds with all these people? Does she need to re-fall in love with Jace?

DS: I don’t want to give too much away because we want to make it something that the fans can think about in their imagination. But in the fourth season that we were hoping might somehow materialize itself when we wrote this, we would see Clary and Jace working together to sort of re-train her and get her to back to Shadowhunters status 100 percent.

TS: We’d have this new Clary with the cool hair, and the awesome outfit, and she’s kind of like a strong young woman who’s found herself as an artist, but knows there’s something missing in her life. Even just like in the pilot, there was this feeling that would just start all over, but they would be more adult now.

In this potential future for “new” Clary, is there a possibility that she would get her memories back?

TS: Yes. In the Shadow World anything can happen.

It was so amazing to see Clary ask Izzy to be her Parabatai. It made it even more gut-wrenching to realize that this wasn’t going to happen once Clary lost her memory. Can you talk about dangling that conversation over the fans and then your decision to have that not come to fruition?

DS: The two of them becoming Parabatai was something that we always imagined we would work towards, but it was something that we also thought needed to be extended and pushed as late as we possibly could. So when we knew that we only had two episodes left, we wanted to take advantage of that and present it here.

TS: But the great thing is when Clary recognized Jace at the end, you’re like, “Wow! Okay I could see that happening again for sure.” That [bond] is not going to go away.

Izzy and Simon’s slow-burn of relationship was sped up quite a bit in that series finale. What was your goal when it came to showing the love story of these two characters?

DS: We have to thank the Sizzy fans for being so patient while we laid the groundwork over this season for their relationship. We always felt that the longer we pushed it off, the more powerful it would be once they got together – and then suddenly we ran out of runway. I still think there was enough of the lead in, and the start of their relationship happens basically when we wanted it to happen. We just didn’t get to see as much as we wanted.

TS: The original end of season three was their kiss and then fire consumes Izzy. That was going to be the end of season three and then we would've spent the entire season four having to heal lizzy and there would still be more of a slow burn. So in a weird way, Sizzy fans got it early. They lucked out because we had to jump the gun.

DS: Yeah, how many times can you have the two of them start to kiss and then have an alarm go off? [Laughs]

What is a loose end that you guys wish you could’ve tied up differently?

TS: That’s a really good question. I feel like the loose ends were tied up really nicely. There’s a little bit of stuff that we would’ve wanted to see and we would’ve wanted to explore more.

DS: We tied things together, but we would've wanted to tie them together in a little bit longer way. The wedding wouldn’t have been planned in one day.

TS: But you know after thinking about it, I would've loved at the wedding if we would've seen a conversation between Jace and Magnus being like, “Thank you. I couldn't have asked for any one better to take care of my Parabatai.” And I would’ve loved to have seen Robert Lightwood say to Maryse, “I’m so happy for you that you’ve found love again.” And I wish Luke Garroway was at that wedding and I wish Maia was at that wedding. There are those little things. That wedding could’ve been an entire episode. It could have been a full 42 minutes and I think the fans would've loved it just as much and we could have had all of these moments that would have just gone on and on and on. We just were limited.

Was Clary losing her memory always part of the plan or was that conceptualized once you knew that the show was ending?

TS: It was conceptualized once we knew the show was ending.

Had the show not ended – and Clary never lost her memories – what would’ve been Clary’s fate as we moved into season four?

TS: Great question! I think she would have really been healing over the guilt she felt over Dark Clary and the terrible things she did and would’ve been cleaning up that mess. And Jace would have been helping her, like, get back to normal. I think Jace and Clary could’ve had this normalized relationship – at least for Shadowhunters. A peak in the normalcy and I think the fandom would have craved that a little. Those moments that we’ve had when they’ve gone out on their dates – like the ice skating moment and the moment in early in season three when they went to dinner with Simon. These are these great human moments that stand out and again I think we would've leaned into that more.

Would we have seen a Clace wedding?

DS: Absolutely.

The series finale of Shadowhunters is here, but the fans have not stopped fighting to save the show. Is this the official end of Shadowhunters?

TS: I think it’s the end of Shadowhunters in this permutation. Those books live on and the rights live on. Darren and I don’t have the rights and we don't control the rights. I think we’re all kind of going onto other things, but having said that – you never say never. What I wouldn't rule out and what I don't think is impossible is doing, like, a future movie. Where you could get everyone together for a few weeks and do like a two-hour, or a four-hour, or a limited six-episode thing. Maybe with the same cast, but you never know. Weird thing happen in today’s TV world.

DS: The only reason that it seems like it would be a long shot to [continue this show] in this permutation is that everything has been disassembled. The sets have been sold, and all the props, and that stuff [is gone.] It’s not like we could ever come back and just continue it where it is. It would be starting from scratch.

TS: Yeah they auctioned off props, like, in August or September. It was crazy and horrible.

The fans have been asking, “What more could we have done to save Shadowhunters?” What do you want to say to them?

DS: The fans did everything right.

TS: It’s an incredibly passionate, creative, strong fandom that should be so proud of themselves because this won't be forgotten and it’s bigger than a TV show. What this fandom is preaching is inclusion, and love for all, and all these positive things in life and I think that’s a rarity. I think that will go down in history.

DS: And I was just going to add that without this incredible fan base, we might not have had a two-parter [finale] at all. The show might have just been canceled. But knowing that there was such a devoted fanbase, the powers-that-be decided to do this two-hour finale.

[flower-of-the-desert]

can you please leave magnus alone? stop with this fake-ass loving, after all your anti-asian racist "meta" you've been posting. you showed time and again how racist you are. for example when you accused magnus of lying in that meta for s02e09. go stan that white homophobe you love.

I know I said I wasnt going to answer any trolls and hate asks but I’m going to make this one exception because I seriously need someone to explain the logic in this to me. Maybe I’m just stupid but I honest to god do not understand this ask (and it’s not the first I’ve gotten this exact message so honestly it’s even more baffling).

So please know that I’m asking the following questions in completely seriousness and I’m not being sarcastic or anything.

How did you come to the conclusion that I dont actually like him? Do you think I’m going to waste literal hours of my life every day blogging and posting about a character I secretly hate? Like, I’m seriously confused. Take a look at my blog (which you did apparently if you dug up that 2x09 meta) - 98% of the content I have is Magnus-related. I make post after post about all the things I love about him, how his story lines are going, I reblog every gif of his scenes I can find. Do you honestly think I’m doing that because of “fake-ass loving”?

Even if I was, what would the point of that be? Why do I need to pretend I like Magnus if I dont actually feel that way? If I hated him what’s stopping me from just saying so? I dont know if you’ve noticed but I dont really have a problem expressing my feelings about characters/plots I dont like. Look at the new one I tore into Simon the other day. Or every dumbass writing decision this show has made.

Really, I’m just super confused by this idea. What do I gain from it? 20 or so notes on a random Magnus post I’ve made?

But ok, let’s look at your examples. The 2x09 meta. I actually had to go back and read it because I was sure nowhere in it did I say Magnus lied. This is what I did say:

In the same vein, Magnus’s line about Izzy being an excellent liar is… well, I’m not sure whether to put it down as a continuity error or outright retcon because previously he said, and I quote, “I dont need magic to know when I’m being lied to” but apparently he does? Because now it turns out she managed to put one over him? Ooook. 

Maybe I wasnt clear enough so I’ll explain again. My point is that the narrative made a point of showing Magnus being suspicous of Isabelle’s actions and outright saying he could see she was lying. But he doesnt bring this up with Alec and even then says that Isabelle is an excellent lair when he explciitly says the opposite just the episode before. That is my problem with this scene. And ok, maybe the line she fed him about tracking down some drug-trafficking ring was more convincing than I thought. Maybe he did genuinely believe her afterwards and saw no reason to mention anything to Alec. Ok, fine if that’s your interpretation, cool. But it’s not mine. That is not how the scene came across to me.

So is that the anti-asian meta you mean? The fact that I dont think Magnus is 100% perfect and has never done anything wrong ever or that the narrative isnt always consistent with his character (or like any character really)? I mean… I guess it comes down to personal worldview in a way. If you need your favourite characters to be absolutely perfect, if you think every criticism of a character means that the character is actually hated by that person, I cant change the way you think. If you think that I’m racist because I refuse to be blind towards things Magnus has done that dont really sit well with me for one reason or another, well 🤷‍

I dont need nor want my favourite characters to be perfect. I want them to have flaws and I want them to fuck up and learn better and be better. I want to see their development. And when they fuck up or when the narrative around them fucks up I’m gonna get angry and I’m gonna say so. I’m not blind to Magnus’s flaws (or Jace’s flaws for that matter or any other fave I have) just because I love him. And I can say yes, I love this character but he done fucked up this time. Doesnt mean I stop loving him or that I never loved him to begin with.

Secondly, I’m guessing you mean Jace at the end there. And I ask, what does one have to do with the other? How does my liking Jace cancel out my liking Magnus? Please, explain this to me. Is there a rule book somewhere that I dont know about that says if you like character X you cant like character Y? Why is it impossible for me to like both Magnus and Jace at the same time? I’d understand it if like Jace was a dick to Magnus in canon or if they hated each other or something like that but given that they dont even interact with each other and when they do it’s usually positive I’m left confused again as to how your logic is working out here.

TLDR: I love Magnus. He is the frirst character I fell in love with in the show and the reason I kept watching. He’s my top favourite character in the show and books and one of my top favourite characters ever. No, I dont think he’s perfect and I dont always agree with his actions. And yes, I also love Jace. If those are your reasons for why I’m a fake fan, then I dont think there’s anything more left to say.

I’m not going to answer any more of these asks nor will I explain myself again. I’m here to enjoy my stupid entertaining show and my favourite characters and I’m not going to waste time with fandom police or people who think they can make judgements and personal attacks based on the fact that someone else has a different opinion than them.

[hiddlesgirl]

SH 312: Original Sin

I loved this episode! The Malec training scene, Izzy and Simon’s adventures, Papa Wolf and Jace’s Clary Hunt and a Clace reunion. Now, that’s not to say that I don’t have a couple of small issues with the episode, but overall I really enjoyed it. While there was a lot going on it did not feel rushed, it actually felt really balanced because there was pretty much an even spread of screen time for all the story points. In the past, some episodes have felt focused on one or two characters/storylines which can sometimes be frustrating and doesn’t keep the entire story flowing. However, both of these 3B episodes have had a great balance of characters and storylines, with no one getting too little screen time.

Clary says that she has been thinking about if the way they were raised was reversed, and although she is saying this to win a little of Jonathan’s trust to get out of the apartment, I think that ever since she found out about his existence back in 2B she has been turning this situation over in her head. She knows how much her mother influenced the person she has become and that Valentine undoubtedly influenced Jonathan, as he did Jace; she knows that his demon blood is not solely to blame for his behaviour and understanding of the world. While she cannot forgive what he has done to her and those she loves I think that the question of nature or nurture definitely sticks in the back of her mind, how could it not?

The morning Malec scene, I adore this scene and it still makes me smile even after watching countless times since Freeform released it months ago. I love that we see Alec is clearly not a natural early riser and seems to prefer laying in, cuddling, with Magnus when he can; a little hint towards all the little domestic moments that we don’t get to see.

Magnus says that he hasn’t been sleeping, this is not surprising given the whole situation; not only is he having to deal with losing his magic and immortality but in the previous episode he had to face the reality of being less prepared to protect himself and those he loves; plus dealing with the grief of losing Clary. He is a whirlwind of so many different and even conflicting emotions right now that it is not surprising that he is struggling to relax enough to sleep.

I also cannot help laughing at Alec’s pout after he only gets a peck from Magnus instead of a proper kiss; he is so disgruntled at being denied not only his morning cuddles but a proper morning kiss too. I know I keep saying this, but we keep getting confirmation of it, that Alec has come so far from Season 1 and has developed so much; from someone who didn’t like physical contact from anyone who wasn’t family and being afraid of his connection with Magnus to the man he is now who craves and actively seeks physical contact and affection.

I sometimes want to cry when I think about his development; he is so important to me because I see a lot of myself in him in terms of being reserved especially with affection and thinking that I will never have that romantic connection with someone, and to see Alec open himself to Magnus and to have that connection really gives me hope that I may have that some day. I also know that Alec and his journey of self acceptance is so important to so many LGBTQ+ people around the world and to keep seeing these ways in which he has developed and grown is so wonderful and important.

THE TRAINING SCENE! I AM SCREAMING! YES IT DESERVES ALL CAPS!

Okay, calm down, deep breath.

Now, the training scene is absolutely amazing, everything I hoped for and more; it was 100% worth the year we had to wait for it (from the day we got the behind the scenes clip of Harry dancing while filming the training scene). I absolutely loved the playful and flirty tone of the scene, it reminded me so much of the pool scene from their first date; I love seeing these different sides to their relationship. It once again shows how brilliantly the show has done with Malec, that we see all parts of their relationship; the soft sweet moments, the tragic and heartbreaking, the domestic, the arguments, the constant emotional support and the flirty intimate moments.

The choreography of the scene was fantastic too, from the staff sparring to the hand to hand; it was so realistic and felt so fluid, there was no awkward or stilted moments. I love that Alec feel so comfortable with Magnus and with himself that he was confident enough to kiss his boyfriend in the middle of the Institute, to see that teasing and flirty side of Alec is wonderful because we don’t see it as often as we do Magnus’.

Also I think we all noticed that Alec didn’t have his stomach runes when Magnus lifted his shirt, while this is a little funny and also a bit annoying continuity wise, I actually like it because it shows that lifting Alec’s shirt was probably improvised by Harry and Matt in the moment. This improvising not only adds to the authenticity of the moment between these two characters, but it also shows how well Harry and Matt knows these characters (and how comfortable they are with them and each other) that they make these little decisions. Similarly to how Harry improvised the finger hovering Alec’s lips in 106 and the cheek brush in 201; and how Matt improvised Alec’s stumbling during Malec’s first time in 218. Every time we learn about these little improvisations it reinforces how well Matt and Harry know their characters, how much they want portray them authentically and how comfortable they are acting with each other.

Now, I just want to address something, I have seen quite a few things on Twitter about Magnus’ fighting skill and how he should not have ‘won’ the fight. Some seem to think that he should not have had that much skill, using his line ‘It’s time I learn to fight without my magic’ to say thatt he didn’t know how to fight at all. Firstly, it is ridiculous to think that someone of Magnus’ age (400-800 years old) would not have at least some fighting skills; especially when we know that he has fought in wars and battled Valentine the first time.

Secondly, that line in my opinion wasn’t saying that he didn’t know how to fight; in my opinion, he was saying that he needed to reacquaint himself with fighting and learn how to fight without relying on his magic. Even if he does know how to fight (which we know he does) he has still always fought with the reassurance that he has his magic and has probably never used physical fighting as his first defence, only as a backup. Whereas now he has to retrain himself to use physical defence when all his life his magic has been at the forefront.

Thirdly, in my opinion no one ‘won’ their fight; it was a draw. While Magnus did dominate their staff sparring Alec did disarm him, effectively making it a draw. Also, Magnus did succeed in restraining and pinning Alec but Alec broke those holds each time; he rolled to break the choke hold, so Magnus pinned him to the floor; Alec broke that by pulling with his arm and rolling, so Magnus pinned his arms with his legs which Alec again rolled out of. So, while it may have seemed like Magnus ‘won’ it was actually pretty much equal.

Jace apologises to Luke and thanks him for not giving up; he feels guilty for dismissing what Luke was saying about the apartment, too blinded by his grief to allow himself to hope Luke was right. He wants Luke to know how much he appreciates Luke’s never ending determination and hope that pushed him to look closer and put together the clues. We know that Luke did it all out of his own love for Clary, Jace knows this too but he wants to make sure Luke knows how much it means to him as well especially because he had already given up hope himself.

The vampire in the sewers is Cain! I absolutely did not see this coming and was completely surprised, it makes total sense that he is hiding in the sewers because he has the mark on his head. I have so much respect for Pasha Ebrahimi who plays Cain because he put so much emotion, depth and complexity into his portrayal that you get a feel of Cain’s age and the agony that he has experienced.   

 I think that meeting Cain has made Simon even more determined to get the mark removed because he has now faced what his reality will become if he doesn’t; Cain is so terrified of himself and the mark that he lives in the sewers and doesn’t interact with anyone because of that fear. Simon does not want that future for himself, he is so people orientated and his connections with people are so important to him that it would be agony for him to live away from others the way Cain does.

OH MY GOD! I don’t think a single person was expecting our next Malec scene would cut straight into the end of them having sex, I think I screamed. I really liked it because once again they are showing that they are a regular couple and portraying them in the same way a straight couple would be portrayed which includes sex scenes. I also laughed at Magnus’ line ‘miss my cat eyes?’ and Alec’s response of ‘I think it was pretty clear you were enjoying yourself’, once again reaffirming how comfortable Alec is in himself, in his relationship and with having sexual desires.

Once again Alec was denied his cuddles, and I really need a scene with them cuddling in bed because that is twice in one episode that we have seen that Alec likes post-coital and morning cuddles with his boyfriend. Alec is concerned with Magnus’ sudden planning but he also understands that Magnus needs time to adjust to his new reality. Magnus feels like he needs to make the most out of every moment, to always be doing something and that he doesn’t have time to be idle because he feels like his time is running out. I love seeing Alec being supportive of Magnus and once again seeing their healthy communication which is such an important part of healthy relationships and is often lacking on many tv shows.

We also noticed not only Magnus’ magically appearing necklace but also Alec’s disappearing runes. Now, I have no explanation for Magnus’ necklace that he wasn’t wearing in the training scene apart from that they thought it would look good in the scene and forgot about continuity but Alec’s lack of runes in the training scene is explicable if it was improvisation. However, when Alec sits up in bed in one frame he just has a black dot on his shoulder then in the next frame his rune (which is supposed to be the Accuracy rune but has been drawn as a cross between that and the Soundless Rune) has reappeared but definitely looks like it was drawn on while filming rather than properly applied by makeup. A bit of a whoops but we can laugh it off and over look it, we all make mistakes including our beloved crew.

Clary attacking that croissant is completely relatable and I also love her line ‘I didn’t have time to eat after I passed out in the Arctic’ plus her earlier line of ‘I don’t think we’re quite there yet’, I love sassy Clary. I really liked Jonathan opening up about meeting Sebastian and for him to describe Sebastian as beautiful and full of light; it makes you despair for not knowing the true Sebastian Verlac. When he describes Sebastian’s hate for him as he brought him his meals it really seems that he doesn’t realise what he was doing to him was wrong and that Sebastian was justified in his hatred; once again showing that Jonathan really does not have a good gauge of what is right or wrong.

When he talks about not wanting the Lightwoods and Clary to hate him because they took him in, you can see the yearning for acceptance in him; Jonathan is such a complex and contradicting character, you believe that he does want people to like him but that he is willing to do horrible things for his own gain. He is such an interesting character and I am really enjoying watching Luke unfold him.

My heart breaks for Clary when she talks about the Lightwoods and the possibility of never seeing them again; Izzy and Alec have become family to her and she cannot bear the thought of never reuniting. Izzy has been her friend and sister, supporting her through all she has gone through and while her relationship with Alec is rocky at times she knows that he means well and that she can always depend on him.

Alec, while understanding Magnus’ sudden need to experience as many things as he can, wants to make Magnus understand that they don’t have to always to out doing things to make moments matter. That sometimes just being with each other are the most meaningful moments of all and that in slowing down they can enjoy the little things; that when he’s 90 he isn’t going to remember the museums or fancy food, it’s looking into the eyes of the man he loves. I swear I am tearing up as I’m writing this right now because this is Alec casually saying that he absolutely sees himself living the rest of his life with Magnus, that Magnus is the love of his life and as he ages it is the memory of looking into his eyes that he will keep with him (and now I am crying).

Magnus understands where Alec is coming from and realises that he’s right, he doesn’t need to rush around and cram as much as he can into one day; that he also need to appreciate the quiet little moments with Alec and that they are just as, if not more, important. I am still crying because Magnus says ‘Everything I need is right here in front of me’, these two are so beautiful; always telling each other how much they mean and how much they love each other.

I love their exchange about ‘Pup’ and them both whispering ‘no’ as they lean in for a kiss, it is such a realistic and authentic little moment. Alec once again shows us how far he’s come as he initiates a kiss with his boyfriend in the middle of a busy street. I also like that this scene is a little parallel of the 206 scene when Magnus tells Alec that he has to take time to enjoy the things he cares about.

Now, before I go any further I want to address something else I was seeing on Twitter; some people being confused by Magnus behaviour and demeanour change between 311 and 312. In 311 he was more down, feeling helpless, humiliated, upset and hurt because of Iris and being unable to protect Madzie. In 312 he is flirty, playful, outgoing and happier. I think that with everything going on it is completely understandable and natural that he is going to experience some mood fluctuation as he is feeling a lot of different and even conflicting emotions; sometimes he is going to appear like he is dealing a lot better than at other times.

In 311 he did start out quite happy and relaxed which changed after Iris tries to take Madzie, so his behaviour change was completely understandable and was influenced by outside events. Also, he admitted that he hasn’t been sleeping which implies that he has been doing a lot of dwelling and thinking about his situation a lot, so in between 311 and 312 he probably decided to make the most of everyday and enjoy everything as much as possible. While he does want to refresh his fighting abilities he is not incapable so there was no harm in having fun and being playful. Plus he wanted Alec to relax and have fun too because he knows that Alec is worried about him, as well as others things. So, I don’t think the behaviour change was unrealistic at all and there are probably going to be more in the coming episodes; I am especially worried and looking forward to the scene where Magnus and another character are having an argument and break down (I’m thinking it’s either Alec or Catarina after he has his first seizure).

I have to say that I absolutely loved Meliorn saying to Izzy that they should hang out (meaning have sex) again and that she should bring Simon, not only did it make me laugh but it also gives us confirmation in the show that Meliorn is bisexual. Jade, who plays Meliorn, has said a few times before that the Seelies are bisexual but it is great to actually see it in the show.

The Seelie Queen definitely seems surprised that not only has Simon seen Cain but that Cain has given him the rock to perform the ritual; I get the feeling that she really does not want him to go through with it. Whether that be over concern for his safety or something else I don’t know.

I love that while making a plan to find Lilith’s apartment Alec and Magnus are subtlety flirting using their in joke about name dropping; I love that Alec is comfortable to be flirty with Magnus not only in front of Luke and Jace but in the middle of the command centre, I will be gushing over every little moment like this.

We find out that the Morning Star sword is a very powerful instrument that is capable of ripping open the boundaries of Hell, praise the demon for not wanting to give Jonathan that power. We are starting to see small glimpses of what Jonathan’s bigger plan maybe, he talks about the mistreatment of demons by the Clave and the Greater Demons and how he wants to change that; it seems that he wants to be a leader or commander for demon kind in a revolution. Which would begin with bring demons to Earth.

I absolutely love that Merrick is completely reluctant to help Jonathan and his line ‘That’s, to whom?’ is hilarious; sadly Jonathan kills him for it. But I love the visual effects, the blue sparks and smoke is looks visually beautiful.

While Clary is trying to send a fire message the hot French Shadowhunter tracks her down, Jonathan feels Clary’s pain at being restrained (am I the only one who noticed that Jonathan grabbed his right arm but the Shadowhunter was restraining Clary’s left arm?). Unfortunately the hot Shadowhunter gets killed by Jonathan, and the very unnerving thing is that Jonathan thinks that he was saving Clary and that he did the right thing.

I am already starting to tear up when Simon asks Izzy to keep an eye on Becky, his mum and Maia; he is scared of dying but his fear of hurting someone else that he loves is far greater. I absolutely adore Simon, he never wants to hurt anyone and having to live with the guilt that he killed his best friend is suffocating him and he would rather die himself then let someone else be hurt by him.

The ritual definitely looks painful but the visual effects, once again, are fantastic. This scene breaks my heart because you can feel how desperate Izzy is to help Simon, she has just lost Clary and she cannot bear to lose another friend especially if there is something she can do. She is so self sacrificing and I shatter when she tells Simon to bite her; they both know how dangerous this is for her but right now making sure that Simon lives takes precedence for her, and you can see the guilt in Simon’s eyes. It is a beautiful and heart breaking scene, and the Ruelle song only amplifies that.

However, I do have one little issue and that is how quickly Simon’s colour returns; he literally starts getting colour back into his face as soon as he bites her. It seems much too fast for how urgent and dramatic the Seelie Queen was saying the situation was; plus because of Izzy’s addiction I think that his colour returning that quickly made it seem unnecessary. Like, she could have just kept bleeding into his mouth for how quickly his colour returned; I just think that to justify him biting her, therefore risking her relapsing, it should have taken several more seconds for his colour to start to return.

Clary is appalled that Jonathan felt good in killing that Shadowhunter and that he thinks that it was a good thing he did, that is was justified. She is seeing first hand just how skewed his perception is and is perhaps beginning to understand him and how he thinks a bit better. Jonathan defends by saying he knows what she did to their father and he knows that it felt good for her; but they are completely different situations. Jonathan killed a Shadowhunter that posed no fatal threat to Clary and Clary killed Valentine who had just murdered Jace, had murdered many people before and was planning to murder millions more included three people she considers family.

When Jace, Alec and Luke appear Clary stabs herself in the leg showing Jonathan that she is prepared to hurt herself to hinder him now that she has people to help her and I must say that his outburst of ‘you little bitch’ surprised me. I understand it because he is lashing out in anger and hurt, it just surprised me that much that I laughed.

The Clace reunion is very sweet, to see the relief on both of their faces at seeing each other again and their obvious happiness and being in each other’s arms. They have not been together (without the Owl) since 302/303 I think, so it is really lovely to see them be together again especially when they both thought they wouldn’t see the other again.

I do have a few issues with this sequence. Firstly, you can clearly tell that while Dom is on location with Kat and Luke, Matt and Isaiah have clearly been added in with green screen; it’s understandable that they didn’t fly them to Paris for like 30 seconds of footage but in my opinion they should have done those shots of Jace, Alec and Luke completely on green screen the three of them, it would have looked much better because it wouldn’t have been so disjointed.

Secondly, there was no reason for Luke and Alec to run past Clary to get Jonathan because he was long gone before they even moved. It was just completely pointless and was one more way the scene looked disjointed, it would have been much better if they had made an aborted move to follow him then realising there was no way to catch him they had stayed where they had stood with Jace. Also, when they look back at Jace and Clary they are both looking in different directions. Plus, in the last long shot Alec and Luke have completely disappeared, which is because they didn’t add them in; I understand this was because it was Clace’s moment but it would have been better if they had stayed stood in their first position because that shot was out of shot anyway. This green screen work made the scene feel disjointed and I think that if they had done it the way I have described it would have felt smoother.

Thirdly, the magic Iratze rune apparently heals stab wounds in one second now; I don’t mind the use of the Iratze to heal absolutely everything, but at least give it 30 seconds to work. Clary’s line ‘somehow it’s better’ that this is how they came to be in Paris is a little like ‘what?!’ because how is coming to Paris because you were kidnapped by your crazy brother better than coming on holiday with your boyfriend, but okay.

I really did like this scene and I am happy that Clace had a wonderful and romantic reunion; I just wish that it had been executed a little better in terms of the green screen and without Jace’s delay in running to Clary.

Jonathan has an absolute break down in the apartment, he really does seem distraught by Clary’s betrayal and I have to give Luke kudos for how much emotion he put into this moment. It also seems that Jonathan is moving the apartment in those last moments which makes sense because Clary knows where it is right now.

So, overall I really loved this episode and the balanced feel of it; I did have a few issues but I am not going to let them get in the way of my enjoyment of the show.

In 313 Maia battles for Alpha status, Clace, Luke and Maryse, Izzy and Alec ask questions about the tortured prisoners and Magnus spends time with Izzy.

[duggardata]

Keeping Up w/ Michelle:  The Duggar Daughters

Part 2 of 3.  Will any of the second–generation Duggars end up with 19 Kids + Counting, or maybe even achieve the elusive twentieth? Let’s do the math. 

In Part 1, I posted about Michelle Duggar’s impressive fertility, and calculated a few benchmarks:

Michelle was fertile (and quiverfull) for 7,552 Days. In this time, she gave birth to eighteen children. (She had Josh before becoming quiverfull, so I chose to omit that data.)

Michelle’s median child spacing is 460 Days, or about 13 Months...

... and it varies by a median absolute deviation (MAD) of 96 Days, or just over 3 Months. This means Michelle was pretty freaking consistent—she popped out a baby every 364 to 556 Days, pretty much like clockwork.

Now, in Part 2, we’ll see how the married Duggar Daughters—Jill, Jessa, Jinger, and Joy—stack up against their mother. Do any of them have a fighting chance to outdo Michelle?

God, I hope not... But let’s take a look at the data.

Note—

For purposes of this post, I’ll assume that each Duggars Daughter will prove to be as fertile as Michelle—i.e., that she will be capable of having a child up until the age Michelle was at Josie’s birth (43.2416 Years old).

Obviously, this might not be the case. But, keep in mind:  Genetics do play into fertility and, given that we have to use some age as the fertility cut–off if we are going to estimate family size, it makes the most sense to use Michelle’s age for her daughters.

Okay, now that that’s settled... Let’s look at data from each Duggar Daughters, in order of marriage...

Jill Michelle (Duggar) Dillard     

D.O.B.   5–17–91     |     Wedding   6–21–14     |     Quiver So Far   2

Fertility.   Jill married Derick Dillard on June 21, 2014, at the age of 23.28 Years. She will be 43.24 Years old—i.e., Michelle’s age at Josie’s birth—on August 12, 2034. Thus, Jill began married life with 7,358 Fertile Days, of which 5,983 Days (81.3%) remain. This means Jill started with 3% (194 Days) less fertility than her mother.

Necessary Pace.   On Day 1 of her marriage, Jill could’ve ended as up a mother to nineteen by having one child every 387 Days. If she had, Jill would have had at least three little Dillards so far—and as y’all know, she hasn’t. To get nineteen at this point, Jill will have to maintain an even faster pace of one child every 352 Days. It’s theoretically possible, but not really feasible, as it requires conception within 10 Weeks of each birth. (And even less if she goes past her due date!)

Pace So Far.   So far, the Dillards have two sons, Israel David and Samuel Scott. Izzy was born on April 6, 2015, 289 Days after the Dillards married. Sam arrived 824 Days later, on July 7, 2017. Based on this, Jill has a median spacing of 557 Days, but a massive MAD of 397 Days—indicating a lack of consistency. From this data, all we can say is that Jill’s babies are just as likely to be Irish twins as to be 952 Days apart. If the Dillards continued to procreate at their median rate, they will ultimately have 12.74 Children—Israel and Sam, plus 10.74 more. 

Will She Keep Up?   No, the pace is just too fast. Plus, with the two C–sections and the scary births, I want to believe she isn’t really deluded enough to try.

Jessa Lauren (Duggar) Seewald   

D.O.B.   11–4–92     |     Wedding   11–1–14    |     Quiver So Far   2

Fertility.   Jessa + Ben married on November 1, 2014, three days before Jessa’s 22nd birthday. Jessa began her marriage with 7,762 Days of Fertility—i.e., 210 Days (2.9%) more than Michelle. Jessa’s theoretical last day of fertility is 1–31–2036 and, as of March 27, 2018, she has 6,520 Fertile Days remaining.

Necessary Pace.   Based on all of that, the Seewalds could have ended up with a quiver of nineteen if Jessa had a child every 409 days, starting right after her “I do.” They haven’t quite kept this pace, however; if they had, Seewald #3 would be more than an online rumor. To reach nineteen at this point, Jessa will have to up the pace a bit, to one child every 384 Days.

Pace So Far.   Like the Dillards, the Seewalds have two sons—Spurgeon Elliot, and Henry Wilberforce. Spurgeon was born on November 5, 2015, 369 Days—or 1 Year, 4 Days—after Jessa + Ben tied the knot. Henry arrived just 459 Days (15 Months) later, on February 6, 2017. Overall, the Seewalds’ median spacing is 414 Days. Also, they’re pretty consistent, with a MAD of only 67 Days—less than Michelle’s! From this data, we can guess that the Seewalds will produce a child every 347–481 Days. If the Seewalds maintain this pace, they are likely to end up with 15.5–17.7 Children.   

Will She Keep Up?   Possibly. If Jessa wants to, I think she could. She will need one every 384 Days to reach nineteen and, right now, her probable range is one every 347–481 Days. That’s right in the ballpark.

Jinger Nicole (Duggar) Vuolo

D.O.B.   12–21–93     |     Wedding   11–5–16    |     Quiver So Far   1 in Utero

Fertility.   The Vuolos said “I do” on November 5, 2016, making Jinger a bride at 22.87 Years of age. If Jinger is as fertile as Michelle, the last day she will be able to bear a child will be March 18, 2037. On her wedding day, that gave her 7,439 Days of Fertility, 113 Days (or 1.5%) less than Michelle. Today, 6,932 (93%) of those days remain.

Necessary Pace.   Given her fertility at marriage, Jinger would have need to have one child every 392 Days (13 Months) to reach nineteen. At that pace, Jinger + Jeremy would be recently–pregnant with Vuolo #2, having welcomed #1 on 12–2–17. Obviously, that didn’t happen; Jinger didn’t even announce Vuolo #1 was on the way until Day 424 of her and Jeremy’s marriage. To reach nineteen, the Vuolos would have to pick up the pace and have one child every 365 Days.

Pace So Far.  As I alluded to earlier, Jinger is currently pregnant with Baby Vuolo #1. If her Instagram updates are reliable, she is due sometime between July 16–July 20, as I argued here and here. For now, let’s just assume she’s due July 18. On average, Duggar daughter deliver 4 Days late, so we can guess that Vuolo 1 will arrive on July 22, 2018. That’s 624 Days after the Vuolos wedding. If Jinger + Jereremy keep up this relatively slow pace, they’ll have 11.9 Children in all.

Will She Keep Up?   No. While I’m not convinced that Jinger was on the Pill or using NFP prior to Vuolo #1, I don’t think she actually wants eleventy children—and I doubt Jeremy does, either. I see them stopping at like 5–6, just enough to be a ‘big family,’ but no more than that.

Joy–Anna (Duggar) Forsyth

D.O.B.   10–28–97     |     Wedding   5–26–17    |     Quiver So Far   1

Finally, of all the Duggar Daughters, Joy is the most newlywed.

Fertility.  Joy + Austin Forsyth exchanged vows on May 26, 2017, when Joy was still a teenager. She was 19.58 Years old, to be exact. Due to her early marriage, Joy’s fertility is by far the best of the Duggar Daughters. She started her married life with 8,644 Fertile Days—over a thousand days more than Michelle. Scarier still, 8,339 (96.5%) of those still remain for Joy + Austin. So, even now, after the birth of their first, the Forsyths still have 787 Days more than Michelle had, even at the very beginning. That’s a head–start of over 2 Years. Yikes!

Necessary Pace.   With Joy’s long fertility, the Forsyths only needed to have one child every 455 Days to end up with nineteen—or, one per 432 Days, if they’re going for that elusive twentieth child. Well, for these two, that seems easy...

Pace So Far.   So far, Joy–Anna’s procreative capacity is... Impressive. Gideon’s due date (and birthdate) suggests Joy got pregnant within days of her wedding. When Gideon arrived on February 23, 2018, the Forsyths had been married just 273 Days. (And no... This doesn’t mean Joy got pregnant or had sex before the  “I do”s. See below, and stop saying this! It’s mean and untrue.)

Anyway, if the Forsyths maintain this insane, break–neck pace, they’ll probably end up with, like... 31.55 Children. That said, I really, really, really, really doubt they’ll come anywhere close to a 273 Day spacing again. (Conception isn’t near as easy, or quick, with toddlers running underfoot. Plus, breastfeeding provides some birth control.) Still, even if we assume they slow down by 50%—and note, Jessa only slowed by 23% with Henry, so 50% could honestly be overshooting it—they would still end up with 21.33 Children.

Oh. My. God.

Will She Keep Up?   Yes, absolutely 100% yes. Well... I guess there’s a little bit of doubt because of the C–section. But if she has a VBAC with #2 and remains as QF as she is right now, I’d putting money on her getting not just 19, but 20.

So, Joy’s in the race. (Maybe Jessa, too.) Next up, in Part 3, we’ll see how The In–Laws compare.