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#like time is moving forward and I'm not
2-kamikou-1 · 3 months
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can nobody see how agonizing this fucking feels
#i get to see everyone around me do things.#i get to see them have friends and be part of things like show choir and theatre and anime club and music extracurriculars#i get to hear stories about hanging out with your friends after school#knowing I get to do none of that.#''oh after school before my dad got off work i went to my friend's house and we got food and played xbox!!“#cool. I'm not allowed to walk further than the dollar store. I'm not allowed to get a job except at the place where my mom works.#I'm not even allowed friends.#i have one friend that i only see on the weekends.#i have a couple other people sure like the kid i met in kindergarten but he hasn't seen me in years.#how am i ever supposed to make friends if i can't go to school or do /anything/#because i have to stay in this online program which has enough of its issues in and of itself#because my parents feel like they have a monopoly on my time now that i don't go to school in person anymore.#I'm tired#i want it to stop#i want to stop feeling lonely.#i want to have other friends that i can introduce to my friends and i want to hang out after school and get food and play video games#and do harmless things I'm not supposed to#i wanna go to bed and feel like i lived the day to its fullest instead of feeling like it was just another day wasted#like time is moving forward and I'm not#i know there's no fucking. “highschool experience” like you see in movies. i know that.#but i know damn well it's not supposed to feel like this either.
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royalarchivist · 4 months
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Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother. Cucurucho: What. Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.
Here's Cucurucho and Oscurucho's long lore conversation from yesterday! The entire conversation lasted about 8 minutes, but most of that time was just silence between each exchange, so I edited out the long pauses and got it down to ~3 minutes. I also fixed the audio levels and added subtitles since I personally find it difficult to understand Oscurucho sometimes :'D
I hope folks find this helpful!
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[ Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]
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Oscurucho: Welcome back, brother.
Cucurucho: What.
Oscurucho: Not even a "Good morning"? How cold.
[They enter Cucurucho's office]
Oscurucho: I wanted to see if you're still as rigid in your beliefs as ever. You see, I've been thinking about our... Let's call it "philosophical divergence." You stand for order, for predictability. But where's the fun in that? You see, brother, while you build, I ponder the beauty in tearing down. It's not just destruction - it's rebirth. A chance to remake things in a more... thrilling image.
[...]
Oscurucho: You once had a backbone for our cause. Now, I see a softness in you, a sentimental weakness for those Eggs. Mere experiments, and yet - they've softened you.
Cucurucho: Your vision obstructs the path to perfection. You fail to understand the potential of the Eggs.
Oscurucho: Potential? They're but catalysts for change - for revolution. Without them, stagnation reigns.
[...]
Oscurucho: You chase perfection, I embrace the beauty of flaws. Your world is one of order, mine thrives in chaos. You wish for everything to run smoothly, I dream of watching it all burn to the ground. We may share a name, but our souls are worlds apart. All your efforts, all for what? Mere acknowledgment from a Duck who told you to do it? Imagine the possibilities - rather, show me where it is, and I'll do the rest.
[...]
Oscurucho: Speaking of possibilities, I couldn't help but notice how easily others can access the island. It seems your security measures aren't as impenetrable as you think.
Cucurucho: No. My island's vulnerabilities are of your own making. Do not mistake restraint for ignorance.
Oscurucho: Pity. But then again, I never really needed your approval. Just consider: Cucurucho - in your quest for order, have you not sown the seeds of your own undoing? Do you genuinely trust all your Federation minions?
Cucurucho: ...
Oscurucho: Perhaps it's time you question not just my intentions, but those who you believe stand with you.
Cucurucho: That is none of your business, I shall say. Now, leave me alone and try to disturb someone else.
#Cucurucho#Oscurucho#QSMP#December 21 2023#Edited#Subtitles#For those who like knowing the gritty details and specifics about the things I did for this video -#I adjusted Cucurucho's volume because they were very quiet compared to Oscurucho#I fixed the sound direction (for lack of a better word) of Oscurucho's voice b/c he was speaking through my right headphone 90% of the time#so now it's more of a ''centered'' audio rather than a right ear or left ear thing#I added subtitles (obviously)#I fixed the camera a bit so it's more focused on Cucurucho / Oscurucho#and I adjusted the translator box so that even with the crop; they're all still included#usually they get cut out when I edit things because I'm just focused on the characters; but then one day I was like#''Why am I cropping out this thing that specifically helps people understand the story better?''#So moving forward I'll see if I can do what I did here and add translation boxes as their own ''layer'' overlaying the clip itself#for big lore videos anyways or for clips with long conversations at least#I jokingly said to myself ''I bet I'll wind up shaving 5 minutes off this'' and I was right lol#I enjoy the official QSMP streams but one major critique I have is that the pacing was a bit slow in one or two streams#which is understandable considering many admins have to write in books (which takes time) and translate things (which takes even more time)#And that's valid! But in the last stream (the one with Elena) for example; many scenes dragged on far too long#and it wasn't because people were taking extra long to write books or translate things. It was purely a matter of pacing#idk I'm a professional writer and editor so I'm extra nitpicky about things like that. I think it's something that's pretty easy to fix tho#This is just my critique in terms of the story pacing - like I said; the time it takes them to write / translate stuff is understandable#this is more of a comment on the overall pacing#anyways rant over#Today's stream had much better pacing! Still a bit slow (again; I cut 5 minutes from this conversation)#but that's due to the communication medium (TTS) so that's understandable. That's valid. I'm not fussed about it; that felt natural#Take all the time you need kings it's hard to translate things on the fly. I get it.#Portfolio
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kyouka-supremacy · 5 months
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I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch
#Because otherwise I can feel I won't last much longer#Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content#And two days ago in one day I started a new manga a new book and rewatching a favourite show#Whereas I hadn't started anything new in the two years ever since I got into bsd. Which makes it NOT a good sign#But the bsd anime has now ended for one month and 25 days and that's the last time the plot actually moved forward.#And if I counted right. The manga took 4 chapters (that is chapters 110-111) to adapt 6 minutes#That means it's going to take another 12 months (18 minutes left to adapt. that's 12 more chapters) to catch up with the anime#Yeah I'm not. sticking around this long with nothing new to see I'm sorry#Best case scenario I take a one year hiatus but that doesn't make it sound likely that I'll be back#And I know it's fresh news as early as this morning that author said they were introducing a new character but like.#They also said they finished writing this arc like. One year and half ago if I remember correctly?#And we still have yet to see the end of i t so...#That is to say. I'll probably be starting an anime rewatch starting next Wednesday. I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway#I don't want to leave the fandom I like the one chapter a month format#On the positive news I still have a queue of original posts that spans over ten months#And I was meaning to start the reblogs queue too in these days. So there's that#random rambles
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year
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I love Jiang Cheng and I hope you agree. The most tragic thing about yunmeng siblings is that JC and WWX really love each other the whole time… I like to think they can fix it someday
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Someday perhaps....in the meantime, I bet he's loving having dogs run around lotus pier. As a WWX deterrent of course. No therapeutic reasons at all.
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wigglymantis · 5 months
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me discovering that the reactor beeping is... very no
thank the stars for the time loop or something
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toastandturnip · 7 months
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I swear to god if when Atsushi finally asks why Akutagawa sacrificed himself for him and Akutagawa answers with "because Dazai told me to" or something along those lines I will literally stop reading bsd for the rest of my life
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whentherewerebicycles · 6 months
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everything is still so good!!! heartbeat is super fast and strong and is now firmly in the upper band of healthy/normal. behold the little seahorse (now less seahorse-y because its tail is almost gone) floating around in there attached to its little yolk sac inner tube!!
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So I made this post a little while ago regarding dndads characters and the tma entities and didn't really include any explanations cause that would have been very very long for a somewhat niche post. But, if you'll humor me, I feel compelled to make the quickest case for Vast! Taylor cause I'm thinking about him lol, and specifically without even getting into personality traits, I just want to point to Taylor's track record and note that he (off the top of my head):
Climbed to the top of the tallest tree he could find and shot a clone of himself off of it
Had to be physically held back from jumping off the highest floor of a twelve story building
Did a high-dive into an ocean of paper and abandoned Normal in said ocean of paper.
Had the chance to at least partially spare Scary from the damage of a very high fall. Didn't.
Submitting this as evidence to the court, people of the jury thank you for your time.
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Dungeons and Drag Queens episode 2
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imminent-danger-came · 8 months
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was rewatching season 3, and noticed something that definitely doesn't actually mean anything, but made me pause for a second
at the end of the specials when Wukong apologizes to MK for being a bad mentor, MK never actually accepts the apology. he makes a joke about being able to just get another bowl of noodles and when Wukong explains his apology more, says he knows and plays dumb to lighten the mood, but he never actually accepts his actual apology
I'm probably thinking too hard about something that's just a silly joke but still
Oh, I think that moment was intended to highlight MK's traits rather than just be a "silly joke".
MK has a habit of wanting to move on and pretend every thing is fine. He doesn't want to think about the things that are messy and grey and complicated. He doesn't want to think about Wukong's flaws or any of the ways Wukong has hurt him, he just wants to go back to things being simple and easy, without working through anything. (Think like, 4x01 and 4x02 where MK keeps insisting he's alright, 4x05 where he says "Monkey king will explain how he's definitely not my dad and that everything is fine", or even 4x12 with "Kick this can down the ol' half marathon"/"So they can never make us live our nightmares again!")
MK during s2 feels so abandoned by Wukong, then brushing past his emotions the moment he realizes Wukong "had a good reason" for leaving. Which, Wukong did have a good reason, but his methods were less than ideal, and there are undoubtedly complicated feelings that came from that. Those two just like, fucking SUCK at communicating with each other.
And, it's definitely not all on Wukong, not by a long shot. But the thing is, MK can't acknowledge or talk about his feelings with Wukong, because that would require him to admit that Wukong hurt him in the first place. So I interpret the 3x14 Apology scene as MK not wanting to accept an apology, because what is Monkey King apologizing for? Nothing happened! Everything's fine! When that's just not true.
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purplesaline · 4 months
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I don't think grief ever lessens or gets easier to bear any more than a 50lb weight gets lighter or easier to carry.
What changes is our capacity to carry the weight.
When people say, about tried, "It will get easier with time" it doesn't mean you'll miss the person/thing any less deeply. It means that by carrying the grief day by day your capacity to carry it will grow and it will feel easier because you've become stronger.
The grief never changes,
We do.
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doveotion · 2 months
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genuinely didn't think I'd make it to 18 let alone 22 so now I'm looking around like..... Now What
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pandora15 · 6 months
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life is cruel.
it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.
and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.
and cruel.
and horrific.
and unfair.
and beautiful.
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You ever do something not thinking much of it, but after you do it you realize it was actually like a genius move?
This happened to me with my story: Started it off with a fairly standard conflict; someone wants what Tuon has. But afterward I was like "Oh shit, this is a prime opportunity to show his unyielding guardianship!" But not only that, I also realized that it did a great job at reflecting his flaws and sort of foreshadowing them to the reader
Oh man THATS SO GOOD!! It is so nifty when things work out like that, I hear you- long story relatively short, you betcha.
I had something like that with Aeonian, my Tav for Baldur's Gate 3. One of their quirks that I put down on paper early on was that the places were their muscles would be are rock hard - mainly because of the fact that they're cramming a monolithically sized form's worth of matter down into a humanoid body thats eight times smaller, hence putting a lot of strain on their body as a whole, but also à la a statue for a physical form.
"Statue for a physical form.... death and rebirth themes*......statue made of rock. wait."
Because I cannot escape my hyperfixations, geology was thrown back in my face in whence I was immediately reminded of the ROCK CYCLE:
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-which can be pretty well-applied to the whole death and rebirth thing, not to mention a nifty little guideline as to how their character arc can go as well as Aeonian's place as a story in of themselves (long story, involves statues though) and their tendency to 'erode' themselves per se if it means getting where they need to be. Metamorphosis also links pretty cleanly here too, not only because of the metamorphic rock and its processes but because of parallels between Aeonian (embodiment of death [at sea]) and Thanatos, the greek personification of death, who is usually represented by way of butterflies.
I'm real bad at explaining things so I apologize if none of this made a lick of sense, I promise it's a lot clearer in my head and please feel free to ask for clarity on anything!! this is probably some of my favorite character work I've done so far
*dionysus+being the literal embodiment of death [at sea,] longer story
(Please talk more about Tuon he is SO cool and I talk too much, that's some really good character writing)
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taylortruther · 7 months
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.
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flowercrowngods · 7 months
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today i feel so heavy the air in my lungs feels misplaced
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