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ryozoro · 3 years

Text

Hades Playlist - i.

NOW PLAYING : I n t e r l u d e [J. Cole]

cw; name calling, blood, mentions of murder, major spoilers

“Fate is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast.”

Despite the red-light district thriving through the night, it looked just as beautiful during the early morning. Yn was roaming the streets on her pedal bike for the first time since winter break as she plotted different ways to surprise her big brother at his newly opened bike shop. She had already purchased his favorite breakfast meal from the little café she worked at, and all that she was left to do was see the said man. Getting out of thoughts and returning to reality, she stopped at the side of the traffic light to press the ‘crossing’ button and to text Draken to make sure he was at work before she made the trip.

“hey there pretty girl, ya wanna come ride something more interesting than the little kiddie bike yer on right now?” some bleach blonde junior high kid called out to her, smirking as he man spread and took up most of the space on the park bench. “I know ya hear me pretty girl,” he leaned and rested his elbows onto his knees, “maybe ya want me to come over and beg for yer attention, huh? Want me to come and make ya listen to me?”

She scoffed and waited for the light to signal for her to cross, but its as if the gods wanted to punish her and traffic kept flowing out of her favor. Getting restless, she pocketed her phone and tapped on her bar handles in hopes of the cars to all be generous and let her through; of course, this did not happen and the young fuck boy in training had began to approach her alongside his friend who were hyping him up and recording the event.

“You might be older than me,” he walked up behind her and kicked her bike tire before circling around and leaning against the basket in the front, “but that doesn’t change the fact that I hit girls.” Yn had to refrain from spitting in his face because Draken always said ‘never start anything with others first, let them choose their fate.’ In other words, big bro just didn’t want her to put herself at risk due to minor inconveniences that were presented towards her.

Just as the light switched from a hand to a walking figure, yn politely smiled at the boy in hopes of him getting the hint that she did not wish to engage with him anymore, but – of course – that was just asking too much of him. He turned back and looked at the sign noticing it was their turn to cross, and he surprisingly moved out the way. Yn smiled realizing that her brother did know it best when he said that the ‘dumb young boys will leave you alone after they realize you’re not going to give them the time of day,’ and she moved to pedal across the cross walk with a large smile.

However, big bro’s words are not the golden rule amongst men and the boys did not leave her alone; in fact, they decided to run at her hit the back tire with a bat and caused her to lose control and fall in the middle of the walkway. The drivers were kind enough to wait for her to get up and cross the street with scraped knees and a dirty pull over. She turned back to glare at the boys, but their backs were already facing her as they leisurely walked away laughing. This wasn’t going to ruin her day, after all, she still gets to surprise her brother with her presence and might even have the chance to see his hot amazing friends whom you grew up around. After realizing that the former gang members might all be hanging around her brother’s workplace, she got up with a huge smile and skipped the rest of her way on the crosswalk. Once to the other side, yn hopped back on her bike without checking her bloodied shins and made her way on the quickest route to the shop.

Glancing up at the familiar billboards that danced in sky and looking down at the alleys being populated with street cats and new gen delinquents, she realized she was only a block down from seeing the man who has always put her first and raised her to strive to her fullest potential. Smiling as closed her eyes for just a second - she swears it – to bask in the excitement and next thing she knew, she was on the ground covered in coffee. She could hear faint voices but those were cancelled out by her skin screaming at her to get up and quickly remove any rubble and dirt that had entered. Moving to get up, she took note of blood staining the concrete and became slightly alarmed.

“Oi, you dumb bitch, you should watch where you’re going,” a man’s voice echoed through her head, “you got a drip of blood on my Milano’s.” Trying to get up, yn went to wipe her eyes, but as soon as she lifted her hands, she felt them share the similar sting that her knees and chin felt. “You deaf or something? Ha, lucky for you I’ll take the food in your basket and whatever is in your wallet as an exchange. Pin code for your card must be included, love.” Hearing as she was about to get stripped dry of her hard-earned cash, she shot a glare up at the well-dressed man’s body just to be sent in a more state of terror when she noticed the tattoo that decorated his temple; it was the infamous Bonten symbol.

“I say we just take her to the back alley and make her pretty throat match the rest of her bloody body,” she turned and seen a pinkette with long hair and two scars that sat on each corner of his ?beautiful? mouth. to be completely honest, he would have been very much at the top of her most attractive list if he weren’t just plotting to slice her neck right in front of her; she wondered if he ever heard of the Element of Surprise. “She hasn’t even apologized yet and it’s been at least 45 seconds, that is pretty rude don’t you think, Mochi-kun?”

“It is very rude,” the built man with slicked back blonde hair spoke up, “do you want me to take her in the alleyway?” He squatted down to meet yn at eye level and she didn’t know if it was the fact he was able to stare into her soul with lifeless eyes or the extremely structured shoulders that could break her bones if he had tackled her, but she genuinely felt that she was going to die. “You seem like a worthless kill if I am being honest, and I don’t like claiming meaningless prizes. So, if you want to live,” ‘Mochi-kun’ reached over and gripped her bloodied chin, “or are you going to be good dog and run your pockets?”

She couldn’t believe it; for all her life, death threats have never been directly shot at her as Draken and the others have always been there. Of course, she emptied her pockets as quick as she could and began wiping the man’s Milano’s with her cloth lens wipe.

“Good girl,” the man with the temple tattoo said mockingly, “but I’m gonna need you to put your pretty mouth to work since you don’t know – or rather – you act like you don’t know how to speak.” She felt her eyes began to fill with tears as she looked up from the ground; they mistook it for fear, but yn was just angry she was powerless to them. “Don’t worry, I like older women, so I won’t need your mouth for that,” he laughed loudly in her face, “lick the blood off.” Her glare returned and tears began to spill over her cheeks. “Be a good bitch, and lick my –“

“What are you idiots doing?” a man with a long pink and purple mullet-like hairstyle came from behind her. “Are you guys bullying young kids again? Oh, wait, you’re not a kid.” He stared at you through his multi-colored bangs and tilted his head, “Why are you all bloody like a sewer rat walking through the back alley of feral cats?” he pushed the girl’s forehead back, straining her neck to hold eye contact with him, “you’re not some whore, are you?” He craned his neck back to the man who has been treating her like a dog, giving yn a full view of his Bonten symbol tattooed across the middle of his pretty throat. “Neh, Koko, you do realize that if you want a girl’s attention you can’t just rough her up in hopes that she takes you to bed.” He turns back to yn before sighing, “You’re cute,” for some reason she felt herself swelling with pride, “but you’re not my type,” – well there goes her ego.

“Oh what-fucking-ever,” ‘Koko’ mumbled as he gently pushed her away, “I didn’t want some inexperienced princess anyway, so don’t get your hopes up.” He quickly bent down and took all the cash from her wallet and began to slide out the card, but a baton quickly swatted at his hands.

“Your obsession with money is crazy, but you can’t take hers if you still owe me 45,000 yen.” Yn turned to see a man with pushed back purple and pink hair holding the offending stick. Unlike the other members, his tattoo was in the same place as the mullet man – maybe they took over the organization after her other big brotherly figure, Mikey, left. She drank in his appearance, and although he was thinner than the other members, something about him just screamed ‘stay away;’ but for the first time in her life, yn didn’t want to listen to such obvious red flags. “Oh no, you’re bloodied up like a rat –“

“I have already said that nii-chan,” the mullet head said, “what do you say? Wanna jut get rid of her like Sanzu-san suggested?” The now known younger brother asks. She began to tremble but not out of fear, no, out of a weird feeling at the pits of her stomach that came about as soon as the stranger stumbled onto the scene. “Oi,” the younger brother flicked your chin, reminding your body that it is supposed to be in a state of stinging pain, “staring is rude. What are you – a deer in headlights?”

“Now, now, Ridou,” the man continued to meet yn’s gaze as he motioned for her to take his hand, “where’s the fun in hurting a good little lamb? Especially one who shows that she knows to yield to her Sheppard.” Against her better judgement, yn took his hand and allowed him to help her up. “Look at you go,” he smirked and scanned over her body through hooded lids, “such a strong little girl you are standing on wobbly legs after the big bad wolves tried to tear you down.”

She should feel offended, mocked, and appalled, but she couldn’t – not with the voids he called eyes staring at her. “T-thanks,” she weakly mumbled as she began to gather her bag back together and prop her bike back up, “I know you guys said you needed the pin number, but I can’t give it to you.” She hung her head and balled her fists; she was waiting for someone to hit her but that never came. Looking up she sees the ‘older brother’ standing in front of the brooding ‘Koko’ and the other members just staring around the streets.

“That’s fine, little one,” the older brother said, “we don’t need your card. Koko here will be fine with just the cash. But I will need payment of the sort since I did calm the bully over here, don’t you think?” He smiled at yn, quickly scanning her student ID and then turning back to her face, “You’re 18, yeah?” she nodded, and he smiled lazily, “Good, give me something of yours that is valuable. I want to talk to you again and if I take it, you are going to want to take it back, correct?”

“I – um,” she began to go through the bag and seen that the only things she deemed valuable were her phone and the spare keys to her room in the brothel, “all I have is my k-keys and phone.” She huffed out in hopes that he took mercy and just let her go already; if she kept in his presence any longer, she feared that every piece of knowledge on common sense would fly out of her brain.

“Well, no one wants a pedal bike here and your phone and keys wouldn’t be of use to me,” he spoke in a rather degrading tone, “how about, you give me that pretty little necklace that you’re wearing… hmm, ... oh! Give me your number as well. After all, how are you going to know when I want you to take back your precious gems without being able to plan a proper date?” His smile was too secretive to be comforting, but this was probably the best way to saving her own life.

“Okay,” she replied quickly, “just please, don’t break the necklace…” her hands shook as she unclasped it and placed it into the man’s hands. “That’s a gift from my brother, so I promise you I’ll come and get it whenever you ask.” Yn put her hands on her bar handles before straddling the bike.

“Thank you,” he smiled and put away the baton before fishing out his phone, “put your number in it and call to make sure you’re not fucking with me, yeah?” He tilted his head and softly hummed at the soft sound of her phone vibrating in her bag. “Thank you, yn-chan.”

“No, thank you,” she lightly coughed and waited for him to look back up at her after saving all her contact information. Once he finally looked up, she flinched but proceeded to stare him dead in his lovely irises, “May I have your name… if ya don’t mind that it.”

“Haitani Ran,” the older man laughed and shifted his weight onto his hip, “and I expect you to text me whenever you get the chance.” He turned around and the other members began to follow. For what felt like an eternity, yn finally let out a small breath, well at least until he had turned back around. “Oh!” Haitani-san smiled at her, “Leave it under ‘Ran-senpai’ so your brother and friends don’t get spooked. Don’t want the fun to end before it has barely even started.” With that, he turned back around and waved half-assed before disappearing into the distance.

Yn decided to just to walk the rest of the block because riding the bike has been nothing but bad luck so far. Once at the shop, she sighed and made her way to the back where she knew would be unlocked because no one dared walk up into her big brother’s place of work. Parking her bike, she quickly takes her phone back out with 3 texts from an unknown number.

Unknown: hey little lamb, its yer senpai <3

Unknown: yer probs with yer bro so ill call you later, mm around midnight so stay up

Unknown: text me back soon or I mite accidentally break your pretty necklace and youll have to owe me a big favor for ignoring me :)

“what the actual fuck,” yn whispered as she quickly began typing away. She didn’t know if she be upset with his back-to-back messages treating her like she was his property, or mad at herself for feeling this little need inside of her that wants to please him. Yes, all of the gang members were extremely hot and DANGEROUS, but something about ‘Ran Senpai’ gave her the cold chills; what made it worse was the urge that she possessed to go against all her morals for him.

Yn: hi! Im sorry,, I was just trying to get to my brother’s shop

Yn: wait,, do you know draken-nii?

She tilted her head and rocked lightly from side to side, waiting for a reply instead of going in and surprising her brother like she initially had planned to do. While she waited, she changed his name to ‘Tani Senpai <3’ with a small smile as she imagined Draken freaking out over the fact that a boy has caught her interest. Of course, she wasn’t romantically interested in the man, but his face isn’t one that she would mind seeing from time to time – at a safe distance that is.

Tani Senpai <3: mhm, some good and bad history

Yn: oh?

Tani Senpai <3: you do know curiosity killed the cat, right little lamb?

Yn: you flirt a lot

Yn: how old are you ?

Tani Senpai <3: 28 years young bb

Yn: youre ten whole years older than me?? You look so,, young.

Tani Senpai <3: I have aged, but trust me, I am rather youthful in different aspects.

Yn: do you by chance,, like memes?

Tani Senpai <3: ofc, especially hornee ones.

Yn: haha.. well I gotta go,

Tani Senpai <3: mhm go ahead baby, remember. Midnight <3

Yn: aye aye captain.

She felt another vibration as she placed her phone in her backpack, but she was finally able to see and surprise her brother and that is exactly what she planned to do. Quietly pulling the door open, she noted that the music blaring and Draken’s back was to her as he was fixing up what looked like Pah-chin’s old CBX 400F. It was a cute sight if she was being completely honest; her brother rebuilding his old friendships. She seen the other boys’ bikes lined up too: Draken’s Zephyr, Mitsuya’s little Impulse, Kazu-kun’s Rocket, Mikey’s CB250T, and even the late Baji’s Goki.

“Pah-san still has the old thing,” she decided to speak up instead of tackling her brother, “are you guys gonna give it to some younger kids?” right as she finished her sentence, draken whipped his head back and went to cradle yn to his chest. Suddenly, all of the stinging on her skin had vanished and she was giggling while circling her arms around her brother’s waist. “How are you ya wannabe greaser?”

“I’m doing fine you idiot, how are -,” draken lifted his head to get a good look at her, but all his excitement drained as he was met with a sight of dried blood and scraped skin. “Who the fuck did this to you? I’ll kill them right fucking now, what the hell happened yn?”

“DRAKEN,” he stopped and stared at you expecting an answer, “I tired riding my bike down the big hill by the park and this happened, okay? I’m okay.” She stared at him with a soft expression and relaxed once she noticed he slumped in his posture, “I know you said to stop riding down the hill because it’ll bite me in the ass one day, so I guess today was the day.” Yn laughed and draken tried to fight the small smile that was threatening to fall on his lips.

“Go sit on the counter and watch the store for a bit, I’m gonna get the first aid kit in the back and I guess I’ll patch ya up.” With that, he disappeared into the office hall and left yn to be lost in thought. She had never lied to Draken this heavy before. It might not seem like a big deal to others, but she just told her brother she fell down a hill instead of saying that some /Bonten/ men were just threatening her life 20 minutes ago and they treated her like a dog; well, she didn’t feel that bad anymore, considering that he would have gone and wasted his life against men that played dirty. “Get out of your head, I’m back.” Draken teased her before getting an alcohol wipe and wiping the dried blood, “don’t squirm too much, loser. iss’ gonna sting a bit tho, so try to not hit me.”

It went a lot more smooth than she had expected, yeah, the cleansing wipe and ointment burned, but now she was bandaged and able to not worry about even more blood staining her clothes til they go to the brothel.

“Here,” he handed her a spare shirt and some sweats, “I don’t like seeing you all beat up, makes me want to fight the side walk. You know where the bathroom is.” Draken slightly punched her shoulder before heading back to seat near the bike, “once you’re done, we can go meet the boys for breakfast. I bet yer hungry.”

“Yer the best, ya know that,” yn smiled before taking her bag and clothes to the bathroom. “It won’t be long,” she turned before entering the hall, “make sure the cute one is there!”

“Stop trying to fuck my friends,” Draken called out in an irritated tone as she walked away laughing. It was an ongoing joke yn had played on her brother, where she would pretend to have some crush on his friends and it’d just make him twenty times more protective around them; he never knew if she was serious or not so he had to be cautious.

Once in the bathroom, yn quickly changed into the clothes her brother had lent her and stared at herself in the mirror. She laughed when she realized she kind of looked like one of the main characters from her favorite psychological thrillers. Yn took out her phone and decided to message Mana, mitsuya’s younger sister and yn’s best friend from home, with a picture of her bandaged state and the caption, ‘take out my ankles next time, daddy <3.’ It honestly surprised her to get a reply that fast as Mana was always one to sleep until noon. She didn’t know what scared her more, the fact she sent it the wrong person, or the fact the person knew exactly what she was talking about.

Tani Senpai <3: you look hot like that

Tani Senpai <3: like being called daddy, but in this context arent I supposed to call you mommy or something LMAO

Tani Senpai <3: I can break your ankles with my baton

Tani Senpai <3: make you my little housewife and call you ‘Bum.’

Tani Senpai <3: don’t worry, I won’t turn into ashes ;) <3

“Yn,” Draken called out, “you okay in there?”

“Don’t worry about it nii-Chan,” she giggled in hopes of masking her terror, “just bumped into a wound. I’ll be out soon.”

“Okay,” draken slipped a pad and a tampon under the door, “don’t know if you might want these -,”

“LEAVE YOU IDIOT,” yn genuinely laughed and heard draken’s heavy chuckles through the door, “thank you though, I’ll be out soon.”

“I’ll be outside on the bike, bubs.”

After hearing draken’s foot steps vanish, she quickly began typing.

Yn: that wasn’t meant for you -

Tani Senpai <3: shame, I love killing stalking

Yn: wait,, really? 👀

Tani Senpai <3: mhm,, we’ll talk about it later tonite ‘bum ;)

Yn: .. deal :)

Despite every shitty thing that has happened to her since she got back, it felt as if they were supposed to meet; fate as one would call it. She was offering herself to one of the most dangerous men who rule the underworld, and she didn’t even find herself to minding.

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an: hi hello, hope yer all eating well :)

ryozoro©

#haitani ran x f!reader #f!reader #tokyo revengers haitani #tokyorev haitani ran #tokyo revengers haitani ran #tokyo revengers haitani ran x reader #haitani ran #ran haitani #haitani ran x reader #haitani brothers #tokyorev #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers

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the-only-ace · 3 years

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can you please write something about taem's enlistment? honestly feel awful i feel like he's lowkey sad about it i just wanna give baby cheese a hug :(

haiii i love this request since it is really well... timely (?). i have been planning to finish this request before taemin's enlistment but yeah, here we are... things been busy. so i hope this one is not that late and may this be some sort of comfort for everyone as we wait for our baby cheese's return.

serve well and always take care, taem! we will be just here and wait for your return with bright smiles on our faces.

taemin scenario: looking forward

pairing: taemin x reader

word count: 2.7k

summary: it is taemin's last few hours before his military enlistment and reader tries their best to ease his worries. both are making sure that they have spent the remaining time together to the fullest.

warning: semi-nudity, implied sexual activity (no smut thought)

send in your requests here!

your eyelids slowly fluttered open and soft rays of sunlight greeted your still adjusting eyes. you attempted to rub the sleepiness away from your eyes before slowly sitting up. your raised both of your arms above your head and stretched with a small grunt. the sheets fell down and exposed your naked torso to the cool breeze from the air conditioner. you looked at your side and smiled gently. you rested your cheek on your bended knee and gazed at the sleeping figure beside you.

taemin was sleeping soundly on his chest and the blanket was comfortably wrapped around his hips while his broad bare shoulders were displayed to you. his head was tilted to the side, facing your direction. his eyes were closed with a hint of dark circles visible underneath them--a sign of his hard work within the last few months. his lips were slightly parted and you can hear his soft breaths. his hair that used to be unruly as they got ruffled by the pillows was now cut short. you can't help but reach out and touch them with your cold fingers.

there he was, the love of your life. it may sound cheesy and a bit cliche but it was true. he was your first boyfriend and you were more than pleased that you're still together given how young you both were when you met years ago. you went through a lot of ups and downs like every other relationship out there. it was also challenging at first especially with the nature of his work since he can not fully dedicate his time to you. you eventually got over it mainly because you knew how important and passionate he was with his career. every after his performances, you can see his eyes lit up and his lips stretched into a big bright smile. it was then you knew you have to support this man. you have to be his rock when things got shaky and unstable.

you two actually hit a big milestone in your relationship quite recently. you were living with him for more than a year already and both of you were still amazed how no media outlet has sniffed it out yet. also considering the number of times taemin recorded a live video around the apartment, you're just thankful there were still no accidental reveals.

your train of thought was cut short when taemin suddenly stirred on his position. "sorry, did i wake you?" you asked softly as you retracted your hand away from his hair.

he shook his head before dragging himself towards you. his arms found their way around your waist and his head rested contently on your lap. you smiled at his behavior and then proceeded to stroke his hair again. both of you stayed like that for a bit and soaked into each other's presence while waiting for the drowsiness to pass.

"is it weird?" his muffled voice broke the silence after a few minutes.

"what is?" you inquired back.

"my hair." he rolled to his back and looked up at you.

"it's... new." of course it was, just a few days ago you were happily playing with his hair and extensions. he always allowed you put it up into a bun whenever he came back home. now, you can barely grip them with your fingers. "it's not weird, just new. it actually made you look younger in my opinion." you reassured him with a small giggle.

he frowned and groaned, clearly displeased on your response. he thought you were just lying to make him feel better. he won't believe you anyway even you deny it so you decided to ignore his sulking. you then began drawing lazy shapes across his skin while he started to hum one of his songs. your fingers eventually linger around his tattoos and you can't help but admire them.

"should i get one?" you muttered more to yourself actually but taemin heard it very distinctly. it made him shot up from the bed and beamed at you widely.

"you should!" he exclaimed excitedly. '"i mean if you really want to. we can even go to my artist and get one together."

"okay, calm down, mister." you chuckled since was almost bouncing with enthusiasm. "where should i place it though?"

"well... it would look nice here." he reached out and touch your rib area. his eyes soon landed on the red mark beside his index finger and a playful smirk slowly made its way to his lips. "or here..." he continued and moved his pointer on your collar bone, on another one of his marks. "here would be good too..." he went on and on while pointing out all of his work while his grin grew bigger and naughtier.

"stop..." you rolled your eyes and push his hand away. "i know what you're doing. someone went overboard last night." you can't help but narrow your eyes at him. it would be a pain to hide later when you go to work.

"i'm sorry, i just thought they would be a great parting gift." he shrugged before leaning closer. "so did you like it?" he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"eh... it's alright, i guess." you teased with a joking scowl.

"well, that can be fixed easily." he tackled and pinned you down in the bed, making you let out a high-pitch scream. he wasted no time on littering quick kisses all over your neck. you writhed under him as you attempted to escape him since you were feeling ticklish from his soft lips.

a blaring alarm noise interrupted your noises and movements. taemin pushed himself up and looked at the clock on your bedside table. he took a deep heavy sigh before dismissing the alarm. you immediately felt the change in his mood as he got up from the bed.

"i'll go brew us some coffee," he announced and got out of the bedroom.

it was now your turn to sigh. you already tried your best to ease his worries yesterday but just like you have predicted he was still troubled. you can't blame him though, after doing only one thing ever since he was only 12 years old, you get why he was anxious about this upcoming change. not to mention that he will be going through this alone in a way. his other members enlisted at the same time so the thought of someone experiencing the same helped them get through it much easier.

you got up and walked towards the chair near the bed and snatched taemin's shirt that was carelessly hanging from its backrest. you pulled it down your head and you can't help but smell his scent; it was his favorite shirt after all. god, you were going to miss him so bad.

you followed taemin towards the kitchen and the aroma of the coffee greeted you. he looked at you from head to toe and it made him smirk. he knew how much you love stealing his shirts. it was quite comforting to know that at least his clothes will be used even though he was away.

preparing breakfast was peaceful and intimate. taemin was hugging you from behind while you cook your meal; outrightly ignoring your protests since it was not really easy to move around with him clinging to you. in a few minutes, both of you are sitting down at the dining table and quietly enjoying the hot food in front of you.

it felt like a normal lazy morning. days like these were common after his promotions. it was when he has some time to rest and replenish his energy. those were the days you always anticipate since you were able to see him more often and spend more quality time together. if he didn't have a buzz cut, it was easy to fool yourself that this day was one of those.

"do you think, i'll do well?" he suddenly asked when he placed his chopsticks down.

"of course," you quickly replied without missing a beat. no matter how many times you convinced him already, you will never get tired of doing it if that will give him peace of mind.

"what makes you say so?" he looked up and met your unwavering eyes. "what if i'm not fit for it?"

"and what if you are?" you challenged. "look, we'll never know something unless we try it but trust me, knowing you, you'll do just fine. they used to criticize your singing career back then and look where you are now. you don't let external factors affect you and you always work hard to achieve your goals. so what makes this different? i know once you set your heart to something, you'll be able to do it. you just have to trust yourself as well."

"always saying the right words," he sighed and rested his head on his hand. "what will i be without you?"

"still probably as great as you are now." you knew that taemin achieved his success on his own. all those late-night practices and sacrificing a normal life as a teen, it was all him. you were only his supporter who hopefully made the process a bit easier. "besides, you crushed the obstacle course in dream team last time so i believe the drills will be manageable for you." you cheekily added.

"wow, you still remember that? i'm no minho though." he shook his head while chuckling.

"no one's like that competitive monster." you scoffed.

"yeah..." he trailed off, obviously being concern about another matter again. "i hope our fans won't forget me."

"don't be stupid." you frowned and kicked him lightly under the table. "of course they would wait for you especially after being their comfort when the other members were serving their time. i'm sure that they would be counting the days for your return and they would be delighted to see you again. although, no one would be more thrilled than me so... don't forget me as well."

"how can i forget you if i will be thinking of you every single day?" he stood up and gave you a kiss on the forehead. "thank you."

"for what?" you inquired.

"for always being there especially when i need it the most." his tone was warm and heartfelt. "i should probably take a shower now."

you nodded and listened to his footsteps disappear into the bathroom. as soon as you heard the water running, you stood up as well and placed the plates on the sink. you then went back to your shared bedroom and doubled check the contents of his black backpack, making sure that he did not forget anything important. knowing him, there was a huge chance that he does. you also added a few extra clothes and toiletries just in case he did something stupid and end up breaking or losing some of his stuff.

it felt wholesome to pack his things for him. as if you were his wife helping him prepare for his upcoming trip. if only the trip wasn't going to be 18 months long.

the time flew by quickly after taemin's shower and suddenly you were by the doorway, watching him wear the straps of his backpack. you handed him his black baseball cap before fixing the strings of his black hoodie.

"you all set?" you asked trying hard not to make your voice crack. it was finally sinking in for you and you didn't want him to know that.

"yeah," he nodded as he fixed his cap.

both of you stood there, not really knowing what to do or say next. you should probably wish him luck and send him off but you don't want to. not yet, you keep on repeating to yourself. sensing your dejection, taemin suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into one of the tightest hugs he has ever given. your hands quickly wrapped around him and you buried your face on his chest, inhaling his scent and trying to memorize it--even though you already do.

"i'm going to miss you," he whispered tenderly. "so much."

"i will miss you too." you finally let out the sob you were holding back. thinking that it was impossible, his embrace tightened even more around your shaking frame.

he kissed the top of your head and murmured how much he loves you again and again. right then and there, you wanted to be selfish and don't let him go, and as if on cue his phone started to ring. he answered it and their conversation was less than a minute but you know exactly what it was about.

"they're downstairs already," he stated as he let go of you.

"you should not keep them waiting then." you clumsily wipe away the tears in your eyes.

you both bid your goodbyes before sharing one last kiss. he then got out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

and just like that, you were left there in complete silence. you blankly stare at the closed door and you never felt more alone in your life.

you were about to turn around when the door burst open without warning. standing there was taemin who unmistakably ran back considering his heavy pants.

"taemin?!" you exclaimed from the shock. "what, did you forget something?"

"yes, i forgot to ask you something." he exhaled. "i forgot to ask you to marry me," he said in full seriousness while staring straight into your eyes.

"y-you... what? huh?" you fumbled with your words as your brain tried to process whatever he just said. "w-what did you say? i don't--" you attempted to ask again.

"when i get discharged, will you marry me?" he repeated as he moved closer towards you. you just gaped at him without saying a word and that made the nervousness slowly crept into him. "sorry, i was not able to get a ring since this was... well, spontaneous. but um... here, will this do?" you watched him remove the ring he was always wearing on his right hand. he unceremoniously raised it in front of you and waited for your reply.

you were beyond stunned. sure, you both talked about getting married someday but you didn't think he would propose today. you always knew that when he planned for the special day, you will easily catch on. he was not really the best planner and secret keeper after all. nothing has prepared you for this moment.

"y/n?" he cautiously called out, getting a little concern from your lack of response.

you looked away from the ring and moved your eyes to meet his uneasy ones. he was undoubtedly waiting for your answer.

"yes," you barely managed to blurt out. "yes, of course, i do!" you repeated, this time firmer.

you have practically seen the weight off his back after hearing your response. he broke into a tiny celebration dance before composing himself again and sliding the ring into your finger.

"okay... i didn't think about that part." the ring was big for you which was not surprising. "sorry, i'll just get you a new one soon." he embarrassingly rubbed the back of his neck.

"it's alright, it's perfect." you can now feel another urge to cry but this time it is out of happiness.

"i love you," his expression soften and one eyebrow raised up, a habit of his whenever he says something genuine. he titled your chin up and captured your lips for a passionate kiss. you stand on your tiptoes in your attempt to deepen the kiss which made him smile. his other hand moved to your lower back and pulled you closer to him while you ran your fingers through his hair. it felt right, both of you know exactly that this is where you two belong--with each other.

however, your little heaven was interrupted once again by the ringing of his phone.

"okay, you should definitely go now." you ultimately let go of your hold around him.

he nodded. he knew he cannot delay his departure any longer. "goodbye."

"goodbye," you echoed. "just for now."

he waved his hand before going out and shutting the door. this time though, he did not come back running. you knew he was on his way to his enlistment and you would be alone in the apartment for months but right now, you did not feel that lonely anymore.

you looked down and adored the ring around your finger. 18 months would indeed move slowly but it will be bearable because this time, both of you have something to look forward to.

#shinee #taemin #lee taemin #taemin x reader #shinee requests #shinee scenarios #shinee request #shinee scenario #taemin enlistment #taemin proposal #taemin tattoo #shinee world #shinee x reader #shinee x you #taemin x you

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the-alice-of-hearts · 3 years

Text

Kids again Ch 1

AO3 Next>

Ch 1: She likes to drink her coffee black

Summary:

Soulmates come in twos; At least they usually did

98% of the world's population has a soulmate bond. Of those, 80% have platonic bonds. Only .2% of all soul bonds connected more than two people.

Having three soulmates is exactly the kind of cosmic joke the universe would play on a True Wielder of the Ladybug Miraculous. If it gives a boy who still had a lot of life to live a second chance, well that is still in Creation's domain, now isn't it?

Marinette loved the boy in her heart, and the other two links were twisted around each other in a way only romantic pairs could be. If only she could have loved him enough to save him /||\ Jason wanted, more than anything, to protect the girl who his heart belonged to; protect her from the harness of the world, and then from what he had become.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves here, let's start at the beginning.

Ch 1: She likes to drink her coffee black

The first time Jason looked into his Soulmate’s life she was happy. Whoever she was, she seemed happy. The first strong emotion that he got from her was pure bliss and a sense of major accomplishment. The first time he got to see through her eyes he was eight years old. She was rushing out the door waving goodbye to smiling parents, a thermos in one hand and a cute pink backpack in the other. He cherished this memory like no other. There were other strong emotions from the bond, most of them were similar. She was happy and seemed strong. After that, Jason tried not to let his emotions overwhelm him; he didn’t want the girl with the happy laugh and the pink backpack to see where he was.

He knew he didn’t do as good a job as he tried. The feeling of worry in his heart that he knew came from her told him so. He could feel when she worried about him not eating enough, so he tried not to go to bed hungry too often. He could feel when she would panic because she hadn’t felt anything from him for too long. He would go and listen to the musicians playing on the streets; trying desperately to feel as happy as he could for her.

When he had gotten stabbed defending another kid from a man with a knife, he wasn’t sure if his panic was his own or hers. He felt like he was watching someone die though, so he was pretty sure it was her panic feeding into his own pain. He made sure to take care of himself so that she didn’t think he had died.

This went on for a long time; him looking in and seeing small bits of her life and later try to send good things back as much as he could. He figured out she was from Paris when the Eiffel Tower was in so many of the small glimpses he saw. So, he stole an English to French dictionary. He then found a bookstore, he could steal from it pretty easily, that had a copy of a book filled with his favourite fairy tales in French. He learned French, then he took it as his language elective. Slowly, he started to understand what she was saying in his visions of her. She had a small number of friends, but they were pretty close. She still worried about him far too often, but he noticed that on days where she was worried she would go out of her way to be as happy as possible. It was like she was trying to make him warm from the inside. And on those days, when was cold and hungry and desperate for a safe place to sleep, he would hold on to her happiness and promise himself that he would be happy for her tomorrow.

When he became Robin he was worried about her finding out. What if Bruce made him stop being Robin? For this reason, he stayed quiet about his Soulmate. Most bonds were platonic anyways, so he just didn’t mention that his bond was romantic.

He hoped she would at least get to see happier emotions from him. He knew that she had to have seen some of where he grew up, but he wanted to believe that maybe she would now get to see these happier moments. Jason vowed to live every happy moment to its fullest.

He hoped she got to see Alfred teaching him to cook, and him learning how to bake all her favourite pastries. He hoped she saw Dick teaching him gymnastics, seeing all the times he fell but got back up. He wanted her to see him and Dick goofing off and the times they would go sneak off behind Bruce’s back when he told them not to skip patrol to do just that and get ice cream in the suits. He hoped she saw him and Bruce sitting in the library reading, the two of them watching movies together when he was too sick to patrol. He wanted her to see that he had a family that loved him now. He hoped that she wouldn’t worry about him so much anymore; that he wouldn’t be a burden on her anymore.

He thought he had hidden this from his new family, but somehow Alfred always knew everything. Jason almost panicked when Alfred broached the conversation while he was teaching Jason to make macarons

“Does your Soulmate have a favourite flavor, Master Jason?”

“I- uh,” he tried to come up with a way to deny it, but knew that he would never get something past Alfred. Still he tried, “What do you mean?”

Alfred smiled, not looking away from measuring the ingredients. “Growing up, my best friend had a Soulmate that grew up in a troubled home. He told me he knew when she was in a better place because she started pouring emotions into everything she did so that he could feel, as well as see, that she was safe.” Alfred turned back to the cabinet looking at their ingredients. “I just thought that you seemed to be doing something similar. I apologize if I misread the situation.”

Jason stood there thinking for a moment. He looked around and listened to make sure Bruce wasn’t about to walk into the kitchen. He moved closer to Alfred so he could whisper, ”Her name is Marinette. I heard one of her friends call her Netté, though.” When Alfred didn’t stop him from talking he kept going. “She likes matcha ones best, but she always tells her mom that she likes strawberry ones because they're less work.”

That was all that was said. They finished making the cookies and Alfred packaged them up for him to have in his room. Jason was pretty sure that Alfred knew he was hoarding food, but so long as no one stopped him and probably even if they did he would keep doing it. Living on the streets taught him that a next meal isn’t guaranteed, and even if it was unlikely he would ever go hungry under Alfred’s watchful eyes, he still wanted a back up plan if he needed to make a break for it.

The next time someone asked about her was about a year later on a stakeout in Blüdhaven with Dick. Bruce had gotten scared when Jason got hurt and wouldn’t let him patrol in Gotham until his injuries had completely healed. Jason got antsy and ran away to crash on Dick’s couch until Bruce let up on the restriction.

Dick had just sat down next to him on the building they were on. “Hey, Little Wing”

Jason turned to him. “Yeah?”

“Do you ever try to send your soulmate messages?”

Jason’s throat closed up in terror. Dick kept talking as though he hadn’t noticed Jason tensing up and planning an escape route. “It’s just, sometimes I see what he’s seeing and I don’t know how to tell him that I want to look out for him, ya know? And his dad is kinda distant, but his mom loves him a lot. I don’t know though, because sometimes I can feel dread coming from my soul link but without any glimpses into what he’s seeing. Alfred thought maybe I have a platonic soulmate that is experiencing dread. Lately I’ve only had happy and joyful feelings so I’m worried that if I do have a platonic soulmate that maybe something bad happened to them. I have no idea how I would be able to send a message to a platonic soulmate though, so I wondered if maybe you knew?”

Jason had slowly gotten more confused while listening to his brother. He hadn’t considered the possibility of having more than one soulmate. “Wait, you mean you can have more than one Soulmate? I thought Soulmates were pairs?”

Dick shrugged. “My parents explained it being more like pieces of the same picture. Most bonds are platonic and platonic bonds are more likely to be someone who you grew up near, so you would have similar experiences with similar emotional responses. That’s why people don’t always notice them, but when you have a romantic bond that you can actually see through each other's eyes, you notice, yeah?”

Jason nodded. “So you have a romantic Soulmate, but think you also have a platonic bond?”

Dick ran a hand through his hair staring out at the windows they were watching, “Yeah, I don’t know how to describe it though. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I have three soulmates. The third is a lot quieter though. My mom laughed once and told me maybe it wasn’t that I had three soulmates, but that my soulmates had another link to each other.”

“Does that happen?”

“I don’t think so, but the stories about that happening are more fairy tale than concrete evidence. I like to think I have three though. I hope that, whoever my platonic bond is, they have their own romantic bond they can lean on. I don’t know if there is anything I can do for them unless I figure out who they are.”

Jason scoffed and then went on the alert seeing movement in the room. “We’ve finally got company.”

Dick smiled and ran back a few steps. “Wanna see me do a flip into the window?”

“Ten bucks says you don’t break the glass and fall on the ground.”

He laughed at that. “Be ready to pay up, Little Wing. I’ll get the two gunmen, then you swing in and help me with the others.”

He took a running start and jumped off the roof they had been on, doing a flip to keep his momentum up. He crashed through the glass rolling into a handspring, kicking the guns out of the two goons' hands. Jason followed using his grappling hook to get across to the now-broken window.

A short fight later and they had the men all tied up. Dick called the police with the info and then they were grappling away from the scene.

“Hey, Dick?”

“Yeah?”

“Earlier you said that you wanted to figure out who your platonic soulmate was.”

Dick landed on top of the building his apartment was in, then looked at him. “Yeah. I just want to know if I can help them.”

Jason followed him down the fire escape, “I thought that soulmates knew when they found each other; you make it seem like that’s not how it works?”

Dick walked into his room to grab clothes. “When you only have one soulmate, there is a glow when you touch each other the first time. It’s your soul telling you it’s complete, but if you have more than one you only get that if you find all the pieces of your soul.”

“Oh.” He caught the pants Dick threw at him. “Thanks for talking to me about this. I guess there was a lot I didn’t know.”

They crashed on the couch to play video games and eat leftovers. The conversation hung heavy in the air, though. Jason felt like, if he talked first, he would tell Dick everything, but, if Dick had had a romantic Soulmate this whole time, then Bruce had to know about it.

He looked up at his brother from where he was laying with his legs over the side of the couch. “Does Bruce know you have a romantic Soulmate?”

Dick looked down at him from where he was perched on the back of the couch. “Yeah? Why?”

Jason shot Dick's character while he wasn’t paying attention, trying to make him stop looking at him like that. He mulled over the question while avoiding the looks Dick was still giving him during his respawn times. In a small voice he finally answered, “He didn’t make you stop being Robin?”

That made Dick pause the game. He dropped down to sit on the cushion of the couch, leaning his head over Jason to look him in the eyes. “Jason, Alfred would never let Bruce use one of us having a Soulmate as a reason to kick us out of the suit.”

Jason pushed him back so he could sit up. Turning to look at him, he took a deep breath. “He kicked me out of the suit for being hurt. He fired you and sent you here. Why would having a Soulmate be any different?”

Dick reached out and hugged Jason. He felt Dick’s shirt becoming wet from tears he hadn’t realized he was crying. “Oh, baby bird, no, that’s not gonna happen, and if Bruce tries it, then you have a place here. You did really good back there, I would love to have your help anytime.”

Jason sniffled and wrapped his arms around Dick. “What if he tries to make you send me back?”

Dick was still rubbing circles on his back, talking soothingly. “Bruce can’t make me do anything. My bank account has Alfred as my responsible party, and Clark is the name on the lease. If you want to stay here you can, and no one gets to take my brother away from me okay?” Jason nodded, still sniffling but getting his tears under control. “Now enough sad talk. How about I kick your ass in this game and tomorrow I’ll take you to the gym I use and help you with your flips.”

Jason laughed wholeheartedly at that. Sitting up and discreetly wiping his tears, he grabbed his controller again. “Don’t know why you keep trying. You’re not gonna win at this any more than I’m gonna be able to do a backhandspring tomorrow.”

And that was it.

Bruce either didn’t know about his romantic Soulmate, or he really didn’t care. Jason started keeping a journal of written notes about her. He wanted to be able to find her one day, so he needed to know everything he could.

An incomplete list of things I know about my soulmate

Her name is Marinette

Her friends also call her Netté or Mari

She drinks a lot of coffee, usually black. She grabs it on the way to class. Is that a french thing? I feel like I only ever see her with coffee? That can’t be right, maybe it’s from the all-nighters? Her friends have teased her about not sleeping before. Is that more often than I think?

She ignores her own needs to help her friends

She’s like a year younger than me I think.

Her nonna (grandmother?) calls her Marinetta or Little Fairy (could I call her Pixie?)

Lives in Paris

She has an Asian mother; Chinese?

She has an Asian name, but I don’t remember it. Her parents use it but not often enough for me to write it down

Her father is French-Italian

She is in gymnastics, but can be clumsy

Kim, Nino, and Alix are her friends.

Chloe used to be her friend. She doesn’t know what changed things

She likes to draw

She wants to be a clothing designer

She made me something? I couldn’t see what it was, but her mom was really proud of her accomplishment.

She is a really good baker

She likes matcha macarons best; but she never asks for them. She feels guilty about her parents making them just for her

She can lift a giant bag of sugar like it weighs nothing

She likes to help people

She likes pink

She is nice and good. At least I think so.

The list was in a small red notebook. It stayed with him all the time; that way whenever something happened, he could write down any details. He filled the other pages of the book with things he wanted to tell his Soulmate, small bits of his life that he wanted to share with her. He had a spot in his utility belt for it to be, and a pocket in his jacket that he kept it in. He had once shown Dick the list and the pages that he had written about him and Alfred. He smiled when Dick showed him his own similar notebook. Dick’s romantic Soulmate was also from Paris; they both wondered if their Soulmates knew each other.

Jason liked to think so

#maribat #jasonette #soulmates #kids again fic

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greatbigbellies · 3 years

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New commission story. This is an anonymous commission about a dysfunctional couple who wind up pregnant with sextuplets! Contains heavy multiples pregnancy, stuffing, humiliation, and discomfort.

They had been dating for three months, and living together for one, and Morgan was already at his wits end. Lilith, his girlfriend, was lovely, and sweet, and pretty, and all the things he wanted in a girl… but she was also ungodly frustrating because of one reason, and one reason only: she refused to do ANYTHING that might be considered work.

She was between jobs, hadn’t so much as taken out the trash, and still hadn’t unpacked from moving in with Morgan! Now he made good money. Morgan could support the two of them and then some, and he didn’t want a maid for a girlfriend, but what he did want was some backup. Coming home from work every day to see Lilith sitting on the couch playing videogames, with a sink full of dirty dishes, a can full of trash, and a pile of takeout containers was absolutely grating.

So finally, he hatched a plan. Something almost cartoonishly vindictive, but it had to be done, as far as Morgan was concerned. He’d ruin her. He’d knock her up, stuff her full of food, and watch her inflate like a balloon. If she wasn’t going to move, then he’d make her physically incapable of moving! Multiples ran in both of their families, so with any luck, she’d land pregnant with more than one. He also did all of the cooking. ALL of it. So sneaking fertility meds into her meals wouldn’t be too difficult either, he’d decided. And so, his campaign of corpulence began.

13 Weeks

“Nrrrrggghhh… come ON! Damnit!” Lilith swore as she attempted to button her favorite jeans. They had been holding up well through the first trimester, stretching with her skin, but that was starting to change. Of course, a lot had changed in the last 3 months… she’d found herself pregnant, with SEXTUPLETS no less, and was dealing with the ramifications poorly. She’d been stress eating a lot, something Morgan had been enabling quite a bit, and her tummy was already showing some growth. Both from food and babies, her waistline had a definite visible baby bump, and her belly button was flattened and preparing to pop.

“What’s wrong?” asked Morgan as he stepped into the room, a smile in his voice. He looked to see her wearing just jeans and a bra, fighting with the waistline of her pants. “I’m too big for my favorite pair of jeans! These have the cute patches in them!” she lamented. “Oh babe...” he trailed off, circling around to her front. He pulled something out of his pocket and knelt down. She eyed him suspiciously, not sure where he was going with this. He revealed the item to be a thin rubber band, which he stuck through the button hole and wrapped both ends around the base of the button. “Voila!” he grinned. She frowned in return. “Really? A rubber band? They’re not buttoned properly, people will judge me!” “Babe, we’re just going to the mall, it’ll be fine, now put a shirt on and do your makeup so we can get going!” he urged. “Are we going by JCPenny’s to get me a bigger wardrobe?” she asked. Morgan had turned to leave but stopped at the question. He had to think of an excuse quickly.

“Not yet…” he said. “But I’ll get my quarterly bonus soon, then we’ll go clothes shopping then!” he lied. She crossed her arms and glared at him, somewhat temperamental from pregnancy hormones. “You’re really going to make me walk around with unbuttoned pants and a top that rides up because you want to wait for a bonus?!” he grumped. He rolled his eyes and sighed. “We can’t be all willy-nilly with money anymore, Lilith, we have six kids on the way!” he retorted. Her face tightened, then softened. He was right. She rubbed her tummy and sighed. “Yeah, okay, what’s like… one more week with tight clothes? Your bonus is coming in soon right?” He nodded, “Any day now,”

20 weeks

7 more weeks came and went, and Lilith saw no sign of that bonus… or her feet. Now looking full term with one baby, Morgan had been doing a number on her figure. All of the weight seemed to gravitate to her midriff, and so her tummy grew both with child and with a thin layer of fat. Still despite the small wrapping of chub, her bellybutton managed to work its way into a full fledged outie, about as big around as her thumb.

She sat on the couch in her usual spot, playing a first person shooter on the console, but it didn’t feel the same anymore. She’d gotten in an argument with Morgan before he went to work. A conversation about job prospects got ugly when Morgan pointed out she was too visibly pregnant for anyone to hire her. “Get comfy babe,” he’d said, almost mockingly, “You’re not going anywhere for a while,” There was some yelling, and swearing, and Morgan ended up stomping out the door, it was an all around rotten day.

That was, until the door opened, to reveal Morgan carrying what had to be $40+ dollars in takeout from Lilith’s favorite restaurant. “Oh my god, babe, what’s all this?” she asked, turning to watch him. “I felt bad about our fight earlier, so I bought enough food to keep you and the babies happy, as a gesture of good will,” he explained. “Oh, honey, that’s so sweet of you, but I already had dinner! I-” “All the better!” he cut her off. “You’re eating for seven now, and the doc said to let you eat as much as you could, so…” he set the bags on the coffee table beside her. Morgan smiled down at Lilith, looking at her with those cold steel blue eyes. Lilith brushed some of her bright blue hair behind her ear and broke eye contact. “I don’t know hon… that’s a lot of food there…” she trailed off.

Morgan sat next to her, between Lilith and the food, and placed a hand on her bare midriff, running a palm over her stretching skin. “I know it feels like a lot, but this is for the babies! We have to get them up to weight by the time you’re full term, and the only way to do that is to eat everything your stomach can handle,” he explained, somewhat firmly. She sighed, “Yeah, I guess you’re right, for the babies,” she took the first of three heaping takeout containers full of teriyaki chicken, chow mein, and rice, and got to work.

Morgan kept close to make sure she ate every last bite, only getting up to bring her water when she asked for it. The first box went down pretty quickly, her pregnant appetite getting the best of her. The second was remarkably slower, and Morgan could see it filling out her tummy, causing it to push farther out, just slightly. By the time they hit the third box, she was struggling. “Babe I’m too full… I’m done,” she whined in protest. “Nope, you need to finish what you started,” Morgan said, once again rather firmly. “Morgan I’m gonna throw up if I push it any more…” He took the plastic fork and gathered a mix of rice, chicken, and noodles, and slowly delivered it to her mouth. “Just one more bite, for the babies,” he smiled coyly. She begrudgingly took the bite and began chewing, brushing her blue hair out of her sweaty face.

She was the fullest she’d ever felt, her belly feeling overstretched from a combination of growing babies and filled stomach. The pressure radiated from her midriff to make her whole body uncomfortable. She was miserable, and Morgan knew it. He tried not to show his enjoyment, but the truth was this was going better than he could have hoped for. 6 babies would leave her massive, and his mission to stuff her with every calorie under the sun was going smoothly. At this rate, they’d need a bigger bed to both fit on, an expense he was more than willing to make happen.

33 weeks

Lilith’s flip-flops pattered against her feet as she waddled toward the mall food court, moving as quickly as she could, which admittedly wasn’t very quick at all in her state. Wearing shorts that were stretched to capacity, held up with Morgan’s rubber band trick, and a “PINK” tank top that functioned more as a bra than anything else, she blushed red as she made her way. Everyone, from the young to the elderly, stared at her, or more specifically, her massive, mountainous middle. She was rivalling octomom in size, and the bigger she got, the more Morgan found excuses to take her out. He held her hand and tugged her along, leading the charge to the burger joint.

“Babe everyone is staring! I want to go home!” she hissed at him. He turned to give her a side-eyed look and hiss back “You’ll be fine. Now come on, the babies are hungry!” the pair rounded a corner and Lilith came face-to-face with her highschool BFF. Gwen. “Lilith?” she asked, recognizing the hair color. “Y-yeah…” stammered Lilith. Morgan beamed. “Oh my god! Girl you didn’t tell me you were preggers!?” Gwen smiled and circled around to give Lilith a genuine hug. The two girls looked to Morgan, Gwen with excitement, and Lilith with embarrassment. “And Morgan, you’re looking suave as usual,” Gwen smiled. Morgan smirked. “Why thank you,” Gwen turned her attention to Lilith’s pendulous belly, “Gosh I wondered why I haven’t heard from you in months!? When’s the baby shower? I wanna spoil this little…” she trailed off… “These little… guys?” she asked. “We don’t know the sexes yet-” Lilith was cut off “In about a month and a half, we’re going to have lots of fun little games centered about this tank right here,” Morgan gave Lilith’s belly a hearty pat, “So tell all your girlfriends they’re invited, cause it’s going to be big!” he grinned. Lilith shot him a radioactive death glare, but he ignored it, his plans already in motion. “Okay! I gotta run cause I can’t be late for an interview but I’ll catch up later! Bye hon!” she said, running off.

“Bye… Gwen…” Lilith shot another look at Morgan. “What the hell was that?! We’re NOT having a babyshower!” “Says you,” Morgan smirked. He proceeded to pile it on, “But your friend was so excited! Are you really going to dash her hopes like that? She just wants to spend time with you,” Lilith pouted, “I… guess so…” her response was cut off by a deep rumbling from her tummy. Morgan shot her a mischievous grin and took her hand again, continuing their trek.

Seeing as she was too big to fit in the booths, Morgan sat Lilith down at one of the chairs, and went off to order. She could feel all eyes on her as she placed a hand on her tummy to try to calm the movement she felt deep inside. What was in reality only a few minutes felt like hours as she waited for Morgan to return with the food. She was happy when she heard him approach, but was upset at what she saw him carrying. “That’s six burgers!?” she whisper-yelled incredulously. “Yeah, one for each baby!” stated Morgan, matter-of-factly. “I’m not about to pig out in front of all of these people!?”

Morgan’s smile dropped when she said that. “Are you really going to let the stares of a few strangers deny food for your babies? OUR kids?” Lilith sighed. “Well… no, but can we take this home?” her tummy rumbled again in protest. “I don’t think they can wait,” Morgan whispered. “F-fine… but when I’m full I’m stopping,” she sighed. Morgan placed both hands on the firm, warm front of her belly, feeling her popped bellybutton under his right palm. “You’ll stop when THEY’RE full, alright?” Lilith looked down at herself. Her massive, bloated, overly pregnant self, and sighed. “Yes dear,”

She picked up the first juicy, tender steakburger he’d gotten her, and took a huge bite. The food itself actually tasted great, the mustard, tomato, and pickles. She had been craving pickles today, she just didn’t want to admit it. One by one, each burger disappeared into her huge pregnant gut, eliciting happy kicks from its occupants. Morgan smiled as he watched her. These burgers would have given her trouble a month ago, but now? Her stomach was stretched, her babies were hungry, and she had the capacity to be a professional speed-eater, all thanks to him.

Lilith was enamored by the tastiness of the burgers, she was downing one after another, about 40 seconds a piece. She was starting to get embarrassed though. The way Morgan was grinning at her… the way the other mall goers were just… staring. She was a big, fat, pregnant spectacle… and she hated it. She felt a *pop* from the front of her shots and her heavy belly lurched forward slightly, and she knew what had happened. “Uh oh, babe,” Morgan said loudly. “Looks like that rubber band wasn’t strong enough against your belly. I guess you were right,” he shrugged. Lilith’s cheeks burned with bright red embarrassment, but she kept eating, pretending not to hear him.

She jumped slightly as she felt his hand touch her bare tummy, rubbing it gently. “Now isn’t this better? Eating to your stomach’s content?” she swatted at him and pointed to the nearby slushy stand. “Cherry,” she grunted through a mouthful of food. “Whatever you say,” he slipped away. In reality, she just wanted some space from him. Ever since she found out she was pregnant, he’d been so clingy, spending every spare moment with her, making her eat and drink. “For the babies” had become as commonplace as breathing, she felt like, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was doing this all on purpose.

Her thoughts were interrupted by his quick return. “They were out of cherry, so I got you tiger’s blood,” he said, handing her the 44 oz drink. She swiped it form him with one hand, and polished off the sixth and final burger with the other. She felt heavy. Well… heavier, as the six greasy sandwiches settled in her gut. 7 more weeks… then she’d be due, and this would all be over.

39 weeks

Morgan had made good of his promise. He threw a baby shower, and Lilith was the center of attention, despite her wishes. Gwen, along with four other friends of theirs, had come to the party, and despite the relatively small gathering, Lilith felt absolutely smothered. She sat in her usual spot, in the center of the couch, and she was surrounded by her physically close, if not emotionally close friends. Her tummy had absolutely ballooned, and she was so big she couldn’t reach her popped navel anymore. While she’d stayed relatively free of stretchmarks, red and purple veins made themselves known on her shiny, overstretched skin. Her underbelly hung between her legs, which were forced to spread to make room for her massive mound of a womb.

No matter what she did, how much she complained, or what she threatened, Morgan would not buy her maternity clothes. Her belly hung proudly on display for all to see, weather she liked it or not. This had become so much more apparent during the shower. While Morgan brought food and drinks for all, Lilith sat planted on the couch, cooed at and touched like a walking petting zoo. She felt like she couldn’t go 10 seconds without a hand brushing against her belly, and the visible motion from the sextuplets inside did not help. “You’re positively glowing!” They all said. “You exude motherhood!” “I hope I look as good as you when I’m pregnant!” she hated all of it.

She snapped out of her surly stupor when she heard Gwen address her by name. “Lilith, I haven’t seen you covered up once this whole pregnancy! What made you decide to go belly-out the whole time?” Lilith forced a grin, “Well, Morgan had a LOT to do with it,” she replied, mentally grinding her teeth. “You’re just so brave, like it’s such a powerful look! You’re like ‘look out world, pregnant mama coming through’!” Gwen laughed, resting a hand on the side of Lilith’s gargantuan midriff. Morgan stepped into the room with some sort of plastic box. “You girls ready for another game?” he asked. Lilith turned red, the last game had been all about guessing the measurement of her waistline. All the guests had estimated her bigger than she was, and Morgan made a big show of measuring her, having a hard time getting the tape measure all the way around. 72 inches. She was 72 inches around. She was bigger around than she was tall. She almost cried at the realization.

Morgan opened the box to reveal a rainbow of different body paints and brushes, “You all get to belly paint!” Every girl there except for Lilith beamed with excitement. The various paints and brushes were snatched up lightening fast, and before she realized fully what was happening, Lilith was surrounded by five women all kneeling around her and applying paint to her overstretched, pregnant skin. Lilith couldn’t see what was being painted on her due to her sheer size, but she could only imagine how awful and embarrassing it would all look. Morgan already had his camera out, taking pictures.

Shivers went down her spine as Lilith felt the bristles and thick paint run over her sensitive bellybutton, Gwen giggling as she ran the brush up and down. Lilith felt so embarrassed, so large was her middle that she could be used as five canvases at once! Her face turned redder and she frowned as Morgan snapped shot after shot of her massive, bare tummy.

As time passed Lilith grew increasingly agitated. The sensation of paint brushes on her belly was absolutely grating, and the feeling of dry paint caking on the skin wasn’t helping either. She realized she was getting hungry, which was only souring her mood more. She felt her stomach gurgle and saw Morgan’s eyes light up. He as attuned to the sound of her rumbling tummy like a shark to blood, Lilith could tell he had something planned for this event in particular. Her belly rumbled again, this time louder, and the girls started to notice. “Damn girl, we gotta get you fed!” said Gwen, patting the belly. “You must be dying over there!” Lilith shook her head, “No, no I’m fine, I just need-” “Some cake!” beamed Morgan as he carried in a triple layer devils food cake. Lilith gulped.

“Gosh Morgan you treat her so well!” said one of the girls. “Anything for my girl!” he replied, setting the cake on the shelf of her belly. Lilith’s pleading eyes met Morgan’s powerful gaze, and she knew he was about to make her pig out. Right here. In front of all of her friends. He took a seat next to her on the couch, grabbed a fork, and scraped off a big mouthful. “Say Ahh,” he whispered. The girls went back to talking amongst themselves and painting, and Lilith was feeling pinned down by the weight of her sextuplet belly, and triple layer cake. She winced, and took the bite. “There… for the babies,” Morgan said, getting another forkful.

Bite after bite went down and Lilith could feel the brushes on her tummy slow down until nobody was painting anymore. All eyes were on her. She chewed and swallowed bite after bite of the sickeningly sweet cake, the frosting getting on her face and the top of her belly. She felt a couple of hands start feeling up her belly again as she pushed past the halfway mark of the cake.

It was so heavy and rich, and Lilith could feel every bite of it go right to her midriff. The babies began to stir and kick, which only landed more hands on her tummy. Bite. Chew. Swallow. Bite. Chew. Swallow. It became almost rhythmic as she entered a food induced trance. She could faintly hear the girls saying things like “wow, she can really put it away,” and “Is she going to stop?” and “I think I feel her belly getting tighter!”, but she was lost to the caloric intake and sheer, painful embarrassment.

She only came to when the cake stopped coming. When she had eaten it all. Gwen clapped for her. Morgan gave her a kiss on the cheek to congratulate her. Everyone else kept their hands on her belly. “She gets real strong cravings for chocolate sometimes,” Joked Morgan, the other girls giggling at her expense. Moran got his camera back out. “Smile!” he said, mockingly, as he snapped a photo.

A perfect shot of Lilith, 39 weeks pregnant with six babies, her belly bare, resting between her legs. Her tummy was covered in little paint doodles of flowers, trees, landscapes, and stick figure families, except for the top shelf, which was stained brown from the smeared chocolate. Her mouth was open as she breathed heavily through it, feeling ready to burst. Morgan sat down next to her again, and showed her the picture on the camera’s display screen. “This is you babe!” he laughed. “This is what you really are!”

#writing #not bellies #commissions #anonymous

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hwauas · 3 years

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🕊️: "the temptation between us"

choi jongho | 최종호 - 1,953 words

you were laying in your bed, thinking about your day: once again, your day had been busy. it wasn't your first day as a staff member of ateez. in fact, you've been by their side almost since the beginning. and you were a member of the make-up staff.

being here since the beginning got you close to them. of course, they're close to all their staffs. but you built an another type of friendship with them. you were very close to them: you were often eating together in different restaurants, meeting them on your free time, and you even had them coming over few time, or went to their place, to play video games or board games with them.

but you had to admit, you've got a special connexion with Jongho. even though he wasn't the type to be explicit with his feelings, he always had these words to show how much he cared about you: 'cover up, it's getting cold outside', 'text me when you're home so i'm sure you're safe', 'did you eat today? drink a glass of water every hour', 'if you can't sleep tonight, call me. i'll sing a lullaby'.

you first were confused about how caring he was. but you ended up spending a lot of time together, and so you thought it was only his way to tell you he liked you a lot as a friend.

the problem is that you started to like him way more than you should. not as a friend anymore. all these intentions, all his words, how he was with you — caring, attentive, good listener, supportive — got you falling for him. and you first denied it: you couldn't fall in love with an artist. you couldn't fall in love with him. it was impossible, forbidden and dangerous. but it was so thrilling in an another hand. dating an idol, having to hide it all from the whole world, living each moment to the fullest because it doesn't happen often.

after weeks of denying your love for him, you realised it was foolish of you. you then started to cunningly act caring towards him.

buying iced Americano when you had the chance because it was his favourite drink, getting him his favourite pastry once a week, complimenting him when you do his make-up, giving him a bottle of water and a towel after a stage or after practice, and even sending him supportive texts before practice session.

and all your actions got you both getting closer and closer.

tonight, you couldn't fall asleep. you were thinking about him again. about Jongho. and for no reason, you were missing him. your soul, your heart, your brain, each part of your body was missing him.

and as you were looking up to the ceiling, in your dark room, illuminated only by the moon, listening to the rain drops against your window, your screen phone turned on, illuminating a little more your room. it was a message. but who could it be at almost 1am in the morning? why would someone text you this late?

you extended your arm to grab your phone. when you unlocked it, you immediately saw the text message: it was Jongho. and his text was pretty curious: « y/n, if you're not sleeping, please text me back. »

you frowned, not sure about what was behind his text. was he good? was he sad? did he discovered you were in love with him and was he mad at you?

with shaky hands, you answered him.

you heart was still beating fast because of all the things he said. you just couldn't believe Jongho confessed to you. all this was sudden, even though a part of you expected him to be in love with you too. and in the euphoria of the moment, you forgot about all the problems and the dangers. you were just too happy to think about this. Jongho, your beloved one, in love with you and here.

you got up from your bed, glancing outside to see the rain falling. you quickly went to your bathroom to take a towel, and rushed through the darkness of your apparemment to the front door. you opened it without any hesitation. Jongho was standing here, completely wet by the rain. water drops were falling from his hair. under an arm, he was holding a hamlet, letting you know he rode his motorcycle here.

"so, you do like me too?"

Jongho asked as if it was the main problem right now. you laughed at his question and this attitude of him.

"i do, Jongho."

you grabbed his hand softly and pulled him towards you. he entered your apartment and as you were closing the door again, he took off his shoes, placed his hamlet on a piece of furniture, and removed his perfecto. even the shirt under his jacket was wet, and against his skin.

"say it. say the words."

"or what?~"

you had this smirk on your lips, feeling comfortable enough to tease him now. meanwhile, you tried to dry his hair with the towel, but this is when he grabbed both your wrists to trap you between the wall and his body.

"you don't want to know."

his gaze looked serious. he was looking straight into your eyes. all you could see was love, teasing, and dominance.

your knees would have gone weak and you would have fall if he wasn't that close to you.

"i like you, Jongho."

you played along, behaving at his order. your eyes never left his, but his did. he looked down to your lips, and got a little bit closer.

"how many times did i wanted to kiss you when you were above me, doing my make up. and each time you were making-up my lips.. your gaze on my lips never failed to give me the butterflies in my stomach."

Jongho got so close you could feel his hot breathing on your lips. and it was a sweet torture, so sweet, that made your heart stop for a moment.

"and how many times did i wanted to kiss you when i was doing your make-up... being this close to your face, Jongho.. it was a torture. i couldn't do anything, but i was craving for this. for your lips. for you."

Jongho answered nothing, and kissed you. this kiss was soft. his plump lips were exactly like you expected them to be: soft, sweet because of the lips balm he always put on.

Jongho slowly let go of your wrists, and rested both his hands on your waist. and as soon as your hands were free, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

this kiss slowly grew more passionate. you both could feel how much you waited for this moment to come, how much you've been waiting to kiss each other. one of your hands made its to his hair. and his hands made their way down to your thighs to lift you up. you wrapped both your legs around his waist, letting him go to your bedroom.

you both broke this kiss when he placed you softly on your bed. he slid his hand through his hair to push it back, revealing his forehead. he looked extremely charismatic at this moment, with his wet shirt, his black hair back, and his eyes down to you. you couldn't help and looked away, your cheeks getting hotter and redder.

"you should take a warm shower and change your clothes. you'll catch a cold, Jjong."

"i knew it! you're weak when i do this.~"

Jongho took the towel you brought when you went to open the door, and dry his hair with it.

"of course i am.. i think you've got a lot of charisma.."

you tried to escape to go and take clothes he left over for days like this, when he stays over.

you went to the bathroom, and placed his clothes somewhere he could reach them easily once he was done showering. you also turned on the water for it to be ready.

when you felt his presence behind you, you turned over to face him. he was already shirtless, making you blush even more. even though you enjoyed this view a lot, you looked away.

"thank you, honey. but if you don't leave now, i'll be obliged to ask you if you wanna come in the shower with me."

his voice was clearly indicating you he was teasing you, and it was in a playful way. yet, this got your cheeks redder.

"n-no! i mean.. i wouldn't complain, but..!"

you were cut off by Jongho's laugh. you couldn't believe it: he was totally different from the boy you knew. maybe because telling you how he truly felt about you took off an important weight? and it just made him more comfortable around you.

"then why are you still here?"

he laughed as you softly hit his arm, whining, and went out of the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

he felt truly happy at this moment, and so you were: happy, content, complete.

you went to your bedroom, and sat on your bed, your legs crossed.

you were listening to the rain drops on the window, the sound of the water coming from the bathroom, lost in your thoughts. you were spacing out. but all you could think about was Jongho. all the things that happened, how you felt and what you both did.

as you were thinking about this, you realised you both gave each other signs about your shared feelings, but none of you actually took the leads before. and if Jongho hadn't done this today, how much time this would have last?

and now this happened, what did it mean? were you now his girlfriend/boyfriend? will hell the boys what happened? or will he hide this from everybody, including the boys? of course, you would be okay with any decision he would take, but the unknown just got your fears reappearing.

you were so buried in your thoughts you didn't sensed Jongho, laying down next to you. you knew he was here only when he started to rub your arm softly.

"what are you thinking about, y/n?"

you looked at him, almost surprised to see he finished quickly. you layed down in his arms, against his chest.

"i was thinking about us."

you wrapped an arm around his waist as you snuggled up into him.

"about us? why were you thinking about us? aren't you mine now?"

he held you close to him. his voice was sweet, and he tried to act cute, as if he wanted to influence your answer.

"i just wasn't sure what did that mean.~"

"why weren't you sleeping? not that i'd have preferred you to be asleep, but i told you to call me if you couldn't sleep. why didn't you call me?"

"i was thinking about you.. but i thought you were sleeping, and you wouldn't pick up the phone."

with that, Jongho held you tighter against his chest. he started to rub your hair softly, and his voice quickly filled the quite and dark room. softer than ever, he sang to you this lullaby he sang you multiple times in the past already. your eyelids felt heavier as the time flew by. as if you needed Jongho, his scent, his warmth and his voice by your side this night, you fell asleep quickly.

you smiled during your sleep as you felt Jongho's lips on your forehead, and his sweet voice whispering a 'good night, precious'.

just as you, he quickly fell asleep.

you both needed each other to sleep. you just didn't know it.

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hargrove-mayfields · 3 years

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this is part two of this fic if you want to read that first!! warnings in the tags!

When they finally make the leap out of Hawkins, they move into a one story in Oregon, of all places. It’s not California, but it’s close by, and the doctors say that for the sake of Billy’s lungs, he needs a more mild climate than he’d have there. Besides, Billy insists that anyplace is home enough for him as long as Steve’s with him.

After a few months of living there with a nagging sense that something was missing from the space, they’re able to complete their new home when they find an upright piano for next to nothing on the side of the road to replace the old grand they had to leave behind at Steve’s parents place.

It’s much less sophisticated than what they’re accustomed to, the finish had long ago chipped off and half of the yellowed keys played the wrong notes, but they’re able to fix it up with some work.

Once it’s presentable, shined up and once again functioning properly, it sits like a trophy in the corner of their dining room, a symbol of what they could do with music. That graceful ability to grow and to change and to heal that they were so familiar with, and of the love that developed between them on the bench.

Billy plays more than Steve does, to keep himself occupied when he’s on his own and itching to get out there and break every rule of his recovery laid down by his doctors.

Even after he regains most of his strength, his hands no longer shaking from the simplest of tasks, the piano never loses its power to keep him out of his thoughts, chasing away nightmares and rampant fears so he can feel like himself.

The sounds of Billy’s playing carrying through their houses, the soft twinkling of keys as the first rays of sunshine cut through curtained windows is like an alarm clock, has Steve waking up in a bliss each morning.

Even in the winter, when the cold is especially hard on Billy’s body, his scars sore like they’re still new and his joints stiff and aching, he’s guaranteed to be up to play at the first rays of the morning sun, usually before Steve is even up for work.

One particularly snowy morning, when Steve wakes up to the usual melody of Billy’s playing with the sun in his eyes, he takes a moment to just stay in bed and revel in the warm music drifting in the room before he realizes he’s slept through his alarm.

He panics for a moment, shoves his glasses onto his face crooked and stumbles out of the bed fast enough he almost trips over the comforters still wrapped around him, but in his effort to stay upright he notices a note on the nightstand.

In Billy’s shaky handwriting it reads, “School’s cancelled. Thought I’d let you sleep in -B”

Steve chuckles to himself over the mix-up, and peeks out the window past thick curtains to see a few inches of snow that wasn’t there when they’d gone to bed the night before. He’s not one to say he hates his job, or even dislikes it, teaching is what he’d always wanted to do, but a thousand times over he’d rather be given the chance to stay at home with Billy.

Without bothering to change out of his pajamas, he pads down the hall into the kitchen, focusing on the song drifting in from the dining room, one he doesn’t think he recognizes, as he starts to make their morning white tea.

Billy would’ve rather it be a morning coffee, but that much caffeine is bad for his heart, so they settle for tea with honey and a pinch of sugar.

“Mornin’, Stevie.” Without looking up, he acknowledges Steve as he enters with two steaming mugs. “Did you get my note?”

“Wouldn't I be out the door by now if I hadn’t?” Steve sets their teas on the corner of the dining table to cool, and sits down so he’s straddling the bench. He situates himself so he can wrap his arms loosely around Billy’s braced torso, and rest his cheek against his shoulder so he can watch scarred hands as they glide across the keys.

Billy chuckles, smiles down at the keys. “Touché.”

Once he’s settled, Steve sighs through his nose and asks, “What’s that you’re playin’?”

“S’a song called When.” This tip of Billy’s tongue pokes out just between his teeth, his concentration on what he’s playing intense. He acknowledges Steve again when he reaches a slower part of the song. “You wanna hear it?”

An answer isn’t really necessary, Billy knows undoubtedly that Steve is interested in anything he does, but he gives a confirmation regardless. “You know I do.” He shifts until he’s comfortable against Billy’s side, and Billy starts into the song.

His voice is much better than before, now that his throat is healed. It’s still a little gravelly, gets deeper when he sings where Steve’s gets higher, but it’s smooth and warm and just about Steve’s favorite sound in the whole world.

Closing his eyes, Steve focuses on just listening to the magical sounds that Billy can make, on feeling the soothing vibrations of his voice as he works through the piece.

With words the song is vaguely familiar, and it’s truly a beautiful thing.

It’s a ballad to nature, ironic for someone who spends most of his day confined to indoors or his own backyard. The song is gentle, full of pretty trills to accentuate even prettier lyrics, but it takes on a melancholy tone, given the context.

Appreciation for life, for the world and everything good within it is something anyone can relate to, but apply it to a sick man and it changes the meaning drastically. Gives it more a sense of longing for these things, and it’s got Steve feeling overwhelmed by its sincerity.

Typically, Billy favored songs he thought were fun like The Bitch is Back and piano covers of songs far too hard core for the dainty instrument, so it’s surprising, hearing him pouring his heart out through an actual ballad, but Steve is glad for it, that fond and warm feeling growing in his chest at hearing Billy’s song.

The song trills one more time into a slow crescendo, and finishes off in a way that Steve couldn’t have been expecting with the words, ““When the whole world is filled, with Mother Nature's noises… that's the time to stuff cotton in your ears!”

The change of tone in the song is so abrupt it makes Steve open his eyes again and pull away from his hold around Billy’s waist, keeping his fingers linked but leaning way back to look at his face. Billy’d duped him, had him feeling all emotional before revealing his cards, his normal sense of humor.

He’s wearing a smile, crooked and relaxed as he takes in Steve’s reaction, the confusion at the pace change. Despite the humor twinkling in his eyes, he asks innocently, “What?”

“Nothing.” Steve can’t help but smile back, even if he shakes his head at Billy’s choice of song.

Still smiling, Billy kisses him, soft and slow in a way that has always made Steve feel like it was the first time, his heart doing backflips while he melts into the bench.

They pull away for a breath, and the moment passes bittersweet, just as many do these days. Giggle almost always turn to tears anymore, and Steve feels his lip start to tremble, feels Billy put a hand on the small of his back so he can pull him closer and sigh into his hair.

Billy’s dying.

The doctors say he’s only got a few years left in him, if that. His heart is worn out from too many surgeries and medications to keep the hole in his chest closed.

They can’t fix it for fear of doing nothing but speeding up the process. They’re stuck with the recommendation to take him home and make him comfortable that nobody ever wants to hear, especially not now, when they’re still young, supposed to be living their lives to the fullest.

He’s already lived longer than they initially estimated when his body started rejecting the transplanted lung a while back, but he’s sick, getting sicker all the time.

The weight he’d been able to put back on in the years following that initial hospital stay was gone again, and his lung capacity was worse every day to the point that even with the oxygen tubes he felt breathless and dizzy, and he was coughing up blood.

Steve doesn’t know what he’ll do when Billy’s gone. Doesn’t know if he’ll keep teaching, if he’ll leave the area, he doesn’t like to dwell on it too much.

But what he does know for sure, is that the house will never be silent, and the piano won’t be covered. Won’t be forgotten in that corner or left unplayed after he goes.

It will stay just where Billy left it, to commemorate him and all he’d done with it, to honor and remember his music through Steve’s own.

Moments like these, fleeting as they are, are everything to Steve anymore. When Billy isn’t here anymore, all he would have were the memories of mornings like these and every second together with him, sealed in a box in his heart where nobody could touch them.

To lose the person behind that, there are no words that can describe how hard that’s going to be. Loss has never been easy for Steve, and having time to anticipate it did nothing but draw out the pain of knowing what was coming, what he’d have to let go of.

But it wouldn’t hurt forever.

Of course he would allow himself the time to mourn, how couldn’t he, when he’d be losing the only person who’d been able to take every wish and dream he could ever have possibly had and make them all come true, who’d ever really loved him. But he promised Billy, and himself, that he wouldn’t let himself be sad.

Because he refuses to remember him by his lows, all the countless days spent in the hospital, sleepless nights when he’d have coughing fits and be in so much pain he couldn’t sleep, the teary eyed panic attacks when something triggered a bad memory. That wasn’t Billy.

When the time comes, Steve wants to keep making music. To use the very tool he’d given Billy after government conspiracy and more than a year in the hospital, back then to offer him an outlet to feel better, to now keep his memory alive. Give him a legacy.

In the moment, Steve lets Billy wipe away his tears and pull him closer still to kiss the top of his head. He chokes back a sob listening to that wavering heartbeat from where he’s drawn close, and tries to chase the thoughts away.

Because they’re here now. Billy isn’t gone yet and Steve isn’t letting go. Right now, there’s still time to create more moments to hold onto, to create something beautiful, melodic, powerful.

Steve taught Billy to play the piano, but Billy taught Steve how to live in the moment, how to care for someone with all of his heart. More than anything, Billy taught Steve how to grieve.

#harringrove #billy x steve #billy hargrove #steve harrington #tw character death #just a little heads up #nobody dies but it’s referenced that it’s going to happen sometime soon #like mourning a death that’s inevitable I suppose #ej writer #story by ej!#sorry to get all depressing on you guys

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whoreforthebauteam · 4 years

Text

My biased bisexual opinion on the BAU team (because I'm a sap and I require romance(with song inspiration)

Penelope Garcia: the cutest. I'd love her and hug her and cuddle, we'd go to farmers markets for veggies and pet stores so that all the animals feel loved. Id listen to her rant on about anything she wants and id braid her hair and make her feel beautiful when she doesn't believe it. We'd live in a nice cottage and adopt sad/hurt/disabled animals (because they deserve to be spoiled) and spend our lives in cute and sweet Sapphic love. (Song: Mary Lambert, She Keeps Me Warm)

Spencer Reid: how healing it is to be known. He'd remember all of my little quirks and I'd try everyday to remember his. Make his coffee perfect. We'd go to libraries and coffee shops and museums. I'd listen to him read, info dump, if he wanted to read me a book on the history on Scandinavian footwear I would be all to pleased.. And when he's craving, when everything feels wrong, we'd but on pajamas and lay in bed and I'd run my fingers though his hair and I'd read to him until it's okay again.. We'd share a true and intimate intellectual romance. One not of the body or skin, but of the soul and mind. (Song: Norah Jones, Come Away With Me)

Emily Prentiss: We'd be strong, happy, boisterous with our love because the depths of which our hearts are intertwined could never be kept quiet. We'd have adventures and millions of memories to grow old with. Traveling abroad and living life to the fullest extent. When memories creep up, when traumas arise, it'd be music because silence is too much, it'd be hiding from the world and napping until we physically can't nap anymore, it'd be soft words. You're good. You're beautiful. You're strong. You're loved. And on quiet days, no plans or appointments or worries or trauamas, we'd spend the day memorizing everything about each other. She'd sing to me in foreign languages and I'd write poems on her skin. We'd share a love and bond so profound and endless that the ancients would write our story and call us goddesses. We would are mortal, but our love would live on forever. (Song: John Meyer, Your Body's A Wonderland)

Derek Morgan: We'd laugh, stay up late making fun of shity horror movies (and each other for jumping). We'd workout together, race each other. We'd go out clubbing and show each other off. And on bad days, it'd be soup. It'd be lots of soft blankets and sad old movies and the pure comfort of being held. We'd visit his family and when Mrs. Morgan brings up grandbabies... next subject. We'd be best friends, love would just be an extra. (Song: Kyd The Band, American Dreamer)

Jenifer Jureau: We'd be the moms. Sleep overs held in the living room. Always having snacks. Involved and supportive of our babies (the team included) We'd sing in the car, throw flower at each other while cooking. Embarrasse the kids when we pick them up from school. And when its just us, we'd sit together and play on our phones or watch TV and just enjoy being close. No real need for physical touch, just the warmth of presence. On bad days, itd be drawing baths and family cuddle puddles. Holding on while one of us breaks down. It'd be family and solid love. A foundation of hope. Acceptance. Us against the world. (Song: Aerosmith, I Dont Wanna Miss A Thing)

David Rossi: How beautiful it would be to be loved quietly. Not having to ask for affection because you're already getting it. No need to say you don't like onions, its already taken care of. But when words are needed... you'll have them. It'd be cooking together, disagreements about wine, quiet nights spent reading. A date, simple and at home, candles and slow circling dances. It'd be the safe and comfortable love of two people who know everything there is to know about each other. It'd be small gestures on bad days, reassurance when there's doubt, gentle love when there's old fears. It'd be Hollidays spent with an overflowing home and heart. Itd be peace and love and home. A warmth you can't fabricate. (Song: Louis Armstrong, La Vie en Rose)

Aaron Hotchner: How do you mend a broken heart? How do you hush all the fears of becoming what made you? With love. I'd know all of his fears, he'd know mine. I'd be holding him at night when his past comes after him. He'd hide the knives when everything's too much for me. It'd be reassurance that, yes, you're loved. Yes, you are good. Yes, horrible things have happened to you but my love, you're strong. It'd be random kisses because we can't believe the other is real. It'd be watching kids movies with Jack because, how could we not? How could we not take every second of peace that we can. It'd be sitting in Jack's room, because he's finally asleep and he looks so young and peaceful and innocent and nieve. We'd vow to keep him from ever knowing what it's like to cry yourself to sleep. We'd never be whole, or fully healed. But we'd never be alone again. (Song: Death Cab for Cutie, I'll Follow You Into The Dark)

#david rossi #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds headcanons #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #spencer reid #penelope garcia #derek morgan #angst?#comfort #love #family #the bau team #im so bi #want them all #love them all #oops i projected usuing aaron hotchner again...

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automated-life · 3 years

Text

youtube

TW - s*icide indications, trauma, blood mention

Will it set me free...?

“Lately I've been feeling so ashamed… By these thoughts I'm hiding in my brain”

Sitting alone up top her ship, breeze flowing through her hair and letting it flow through, giving it flight. The null silence engulfs her. Knees up to her chest as a lonesome, ruby eye looks out over the horizon watching the waves sway gently and whistle. The lone girl up top her ship stares blankly, not a single emotion crosses her face as she is left alone with her thoughts and pain.

'Cause I've been holding them down but they twist me violently… I'm hanging by a thread tonight but this time I don't wanna be saved”

Metal arms wrapping the one flesh and one metal knee of the girl, holding them close to her chest and her chin resting upon them as she watches the waves. The sun setting slowly behind her, time ticking by and every moment is a moment alone. The girl sitting alone reliving over and over again in her head, the pain and suffering she has gone through. Letting it empower her mind and not doing a single thing to fight it, letting it take over.

“So let me fall, let me break Under everything unsaid Just let me die 'cause I can't take Living with what's in my head”

Tonight it was one of those nights. Her crew either fast asleep, in the process of getting ready for bed, or doing their own thing. It was the girls turn on look out watch for the night, which never ended up being a good thing. Being left alone with no one but your mind. Letting go of her knees, the girl grabbed the nearby blanket and draped it over her shoulders, wrapping it around her knees as she brought them back up to her chest and held them close with those metal limbs once more.

“If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me Will it set me free?”

Those metal limbs are a constant reminder of the biggest regret the girl had. Letting power hungry men control, abuse and use her to get what they wanted and rip her of rights and the ability to be human. Lifting a hand slowly, she looked at the nooks, crannys and joints that made up the piece before her. Curling her fingers slowly, they creaked a little indicating they needed a little TLC, but the girl was too tired to do so. Opening her hand, she took another look at it. If this was flesh, would she be who she is today? Or would she be someone different? Would she have gone through what she did? And would she be wanting to end it all like she wants to right now?

“What's the point of holding on like this? When no one seems to care if I exist”

The last thing she remembers feeling… the last time she felt texture, firmness, weight.. Was picking up a wrench. It was hefty, top heavy, and cold too. Oh how she longed to be able to feel things again. Wanting to pet a cat and feel how soft their fur was, warm her hands up by a fire with her crew on those cold winter island nights. Holding hands with someone again, feeling the touch of skin, hair and even clothing she missed. Clenching her metal hand, she gripped to the blanket over her shoulders and pulled it over her body more to keep in the heat. Her eye closed as she began to imagine.

“There is no agony like being strong when no one knows you're sick So sick of hearing I should stay when I know I would never be missed”

A cheerful child she was. Bright, bubbly and very optimistic. The world, her oyster and her island allowed her to be who she wanted to be. With some many options and opportunities to be anything she wanted, it was no wonder the girl loved her home. Scientists, mechanics and researchers alike all loved her. The little girl prodigy they called her. Rising star in the world of cybernetics and being the islands first to break the barrier between human and robot technology and create it into one form. It was clear this girl was going to be one of the top, along the likes of Dr Vegapunk and his team.

“So let me fall, let me break Under everything unsaid Just let me die 'cause I can't take Living with what's in my head”

Blood… all she could see was blood. Sprawled out bodies of the ones who meant the most to her. The little girl froze in the moment as she stared at the scene before her… scared, horrified and intimidated, she didn’t know what to do. Out her trance broke the sound of a voice. A voice belonging to her mother. ‘Mama and papa love you Rhea… don’t ever forget’ then a thud. Opening her eye, the raven shuddered, remembering that particular memory. It was a recurring nightmare leaving her with sleepless nights and tearful mornings. The scar across her stomach, a constant reminder of her failure to save them...

“If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me”

If she surrendered now, would they meet her once again? Would they recognise their little girl? The girl didn’t know what to think, would she even want to meet her parents again after all she’s done. Would she even recognise them? The hazy memories she has of their faces and features remained locked up in her mind, never revealing themselves and letting the nightmares keep occurring. If she surrendered, would she be free of this pain she’s experiencing. Would she be finally able to rest and relax? Who knows unless she decides to pull the trigger. On her hip resides her weapon. Was it a good idea to come up here with such a thing within easy reach when feeling like this, who knows at this point.

“If you could see under my skin You'd realize why I hold it in Why it's a fight I don't wanna win Why it's a fight I don't wanna win If you could see all my abuse”

A tear flowing down her cheek as she continued to look out over the horizon. Then another… and another. The silent tears flowed down her cheeks and dripped onto the blanket, soaking it a little. Will these tears stop? Closing her eye once more, this time a different memory engulfed her. She was now inside a laboratory. Four walls encasing her with the exception of one small window attached to the only door to the room. It was locked tight with no room to escape. The girl curled up alone in a corner, shivering and wasting away.

“And spent a day inside my shoes You'd realize why I just wanna lose You'd realize why I just wanna lose Will anyone believe the hell of being me Before I decide to be the dying proof?”

Dragged out by her hair. It was easy, there was nothing of the girl. Skin, bones and metal. No muscle on her, malnourished and weak, she could barely stand without tipping to the side. Her leg had just been removed and replaced with a metal replacement. This wasn’t the first time, but more had been cut off. Are they going to do the same with the other? Drugs, torture and abuse was a daily thing. It was almost a routine in the end. It took the girl months to get out of it once she was freed. It scared her saviour, but did he really care about her? Or was it a ploy to get her to trust again to just throw it aside and use her for profit again.

“So let me fall, let me break Under everything unsaid Just let me die 'cause I can't take Living with what's in my head”

Opening her eye, a few more tears flowed down her cheek, wetting the blanket more. Keeping her gaze out towards the sea, the metal hand grabbed the gun sat upon her hip and held it before her eye. Looking at it with little thought and wondering if she should pull the trigger. Would it be better for everyone if she was gone? One less pirate out there to chase, one less mouth out there to feed… One less person to love. The girl held the gun under her chin, finger hovering over the trigger, but not on it. If this trigger is pulled, her life would be over and she’d be pain free. But if she pulled the trigger, would those she’s helped along the way miss her? That's if they still remember her…

“If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me If I surrender, surrender To the monsters in me”

The sun began to rise. Time had gotten past her, the night time slowly turning to day as she contemplated the last possible move of her life. Hearing a door open and footsteps, the raven looked down and saw blonde hair, a matching eyepatch to hers and a white coat. Her saviour. The man who risked his life to save hers, then nurse her back to health. If she pulled this trigger, his hard work would go to waste. Lowering the gun and placing it back on her hip. Wiping the tear stains off of her cheek. The girl stood up and folded the blanket up and tucked it away before descending the crows nest to head to her quarters. Is her life really worth living? Who knows but her. The past, she cannot change, the future she can. But right now in the present, her life is a gift and she should live it to its fullest. Maybe that man did more than save a life…

"Will it set me free?"

#Will it set me free? - short song story #Rhealyn deals with her trauma #TW - s*icide mentions #TW - Blood mentions #TW - trauma mentions #Song - If I surrender by Citizen Soldier #Youtube

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love-and-anarchy-au · 3 years

Text

Love & Anarchy: Chapter 14

well well, we finally got to this cringy chapter yeeyy xd but seriously, this chapter does give me cringe vibes; its crucial though. ONE THING: for picturing Gatlon, i inspire in big cities like NY as also C.A.B.A. (Ciudad Autonoma de Buenos Aires). it’s a bit of both, but in this chapter, a particular situation that happened to david & alec, is based on actual events that happened here in argentina back in 2017/2018 (i dont remember exactly when). OF COURSE ITS STILL FICTION AS ALEC’S REACTION IS RELATIONED TO IMPOSSIBLE SUPER POWERS (digo esto pa que no me maten por no ser cien por ciento accurate). i have nothing else to say, enjoy this chapter (so sorry if your eyes bleed with so many straight things).

REMEMBER THIS AU HAPPENS IN THE SAME UNIVERSE THAT THIS ONE

Find out what this AU is about here

Masterlist

Tag list: @healing-winston-pratt @dawniebb @obsidianfr3sk @nodrianbcyes @everyone-has-a-nightmare @magykaldealings @quinterickson @cerenoya @cassin-the-assasin

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Part 2: A teen named Ace Artino

15 years old Alec

“Ace, you there?”

Alec didn't move, but Alexandra walked into his room anyway. Click clock click clock.

“You okay?” Alexandra whispered.

“Never,” Alec muttered bleakly.

Only God knew what time it was when Alexandra entered Alec's room without warning, as she used to do. Her boots clicked on the bare concrete floor. The shapes were diffuse shadows and the only light was that one coming through Alec's window: a warm and cold light, product of Gatlon's various lights. He felt the weight of Alexandra being close to him, as the mattress became even thinner than it already was...which was a lot to say because that mattress was already paper thin on.

Alec had been deep in his thoughts, sticky as tar, and heavy as chains. Alec's day had been difficult: he had had to go with his brother David to the other side of the city, to the east center, and help him sell his metals. David was not the most talkative person of all, and his presence only made him think of Julieta; he didn't like being around him; all those years he had tried to let go of his dead sister's voice, and he had succeeded, but being with David made him feel like the helpless, defenseless child he was back then, the same child that had not been able to save his sister and hadn’t been strong enough to defend himself from his abusive father, either.

Anyways, David and him had settled on a wide sidewalk, with no shops, just drab and clean apartments, since they were in one of the most wealthy suburbs of Gatlon City. They spread their gray and threadbare blanket, and scattered the metal goods on it. There were three clients and two reproaches from the neighbors until the police arrived and threw them out for not having the necessary sales permit. David nodded, since he was used to being thrown out of the places where he sold his metals, but Alec did not move, not knowing why he had been petrified but aware that it was not right for them to be thrown out of each place and sentenced to another missing dinner. He looked the policeman in the eyes and held his gaze, because not selling metals implied not having money, and not having money implied not being able to pay the mortgage, not being able to pay for David's school, not being able to pay the bills and above all, not having food.

Alec refused to leave without selling all the goods.

He didn't want to go through another night without eating.

He didn't want to have to depend on his friends, no matter how selfless they were when it came to him.

The boy took a deep breath and puffed out his chest, as if collecting courage to say something.

It wasn’t enough.

The policeman looked at him superior.

“Leave,” he ordered and turned his back on them.

And that ignited the trigger to Alec's powers.

His invisible hands carefully took the policeman's revolver, which was on his hip, and brought it into Alec's real hands, in the blink of an eye. Alec didn't have time to realize what he had just done, nor did anyone else. His hands of flesh and blood held that artifact of metal, gunpowder and death.

David looked at him with wide eyes.

They said: “What have you done?”

Alec looked at him in alarm, the deadly object still in his hands, which they held in a foreign manner, like a bomb. That object gave him so much power, so much authority, all because everyone feared pain, death...

He didn't want that power.

So he dropped the gun and ran off, not seeing where he was going.

He turned into an alley and hid there, behind a dumpster, hugging his legs with his arms, until David found him and knelt beside him. He had a bruise on his right cheekbone.

“David…” Alec began to apologize.

His brother shook his head and placed his golden hand on Alec's shoulder.

“I think you shouldn't come with me anymore.”

A lump formed in Alec's throat.

“I'm sorry, David.”

David smiled sadly.

“I know you are.”

And he stood up and left.

For the rest of the day, David and Alec did not speak to each other. The words his brother had spoken to him echoed in Alec's brain over and over again and made him feel guilty and stupid. It had not been his intention to steal the gun from the policeman, or to flee the consequences like a coward, or for his brother to receive his first beating for having defended him, or to have been another annoyance.

However, perhaps it had been his intention and for that he felt guilty.

Alec had no idea.

He only knew that he felt bad and that he would not be able to sleep that night.

Something that was more likely now that Alexandra had come over.

Alec took a deep breath and turned his body to the side where the girl was.

Alexandra shook her head, shaking her sparse, thick oil-black hair, and sat closer to Alec. She took his hand, and massaged it, just like Julieta used to do. Lately, everything reminded him of his childhood, as much as he wanted to leave behind that bloody and sunny past ...

“Why are you here?” Alec asked, in a whisper.

Alexandra smiled wistfully.

“Am I bothering you? If so, I can leave.”

Alec shook his head.

“Never.”

Alexandra massaged his hand harder.

“I want to ask you something.”

Alec smiled weakly. Talking to Alexandra distracted him from his regrets and his past, and he liked that. Alexandra was the present lived to the fullest, which was what Alec was looking for.

“Go ahead.”

Alexandra inhaled and blurted out, in a rush of words:

“Do you wanna go out with me?”

Alec froze, this time from uncertainty and not from sleep.

“Is this a dream?” Alec asked, extremely confused. Had he heard the question correctly...?

Alexandra laughed softly and replied mischievously:

“Why? Do you dream about me, Alec Artino?”

Alec's cheeks burned, invisible in the gloom. Alec appreciated that. To take weight off Alexandra's question, he replied:

“Sometimes. I also dream about James.”

Alexandra laughed again, this time her laugh was breathless and broken . They were both lucky that Alec's father was not in the apartment, and that David was a heavy sleeper (it was easier to wake God from his eternal sleep than David Artino to go to Mass on Sundays or to school every weekdays).

“You two would be the perfect couple,” Alexandra commented sarcastically.

“Then why are you asking me out?” replied Alec.

Alexandra closed her mouth and fell silent, thinking.

“Why not? I like you, you’re handsome and on top of that, you’re sharp as a tack. Besides, there doesn’t have to be a reason for everything, ya know?”

Alec's cheeks were suffering the worst of fires.

“Did you just call me ‘handsome’?” Alec inquired, trying to deflect the question he had asked. He wasn't ready to answer it.

“Yes, I did,” Alexandra replied and Alec felt Alexandra's sweet artificial cherry breath on his skin. They were close, close, close.

Alec was afraid of the possible question Alexandra might ask him.

Or that she had already done to him, without words.

“Can I kiss you?” Alexandra whispered in Alec's ear.

There it is.

God, Alec wasn't ready for that.

He loved Alexandra very much but he was not ready to kiss her.

He wasn't ready to kiss anyone, in fact.

He was just so ... confused. Insecure. Nervous. Anxious.

He didn’t want to mess it up.

How do you mess up a kiss?

“No,” Alec replied, on a gasp.

That’s how.

“It's okay,” Alexandra said, in a compassionate voice, as she stepped away from Alec, making the mattress a millimeter thicker, and moving closer to the window, her boots tapping rhythmically again. She was ready to go back from where she had come from

“But I do want to date you,” Alec continued, propping himself up on his elbows, a little more upright than before. Alexandra turned to see him. Her face was a blur in the dark.

“Really?”

“Really. This isn’t a dream, right?” Alec joked and got out of bed, unintentionally ripping its threadbare sheet from it. The ground was cold and rough, and his skin felt an electrifying sting as it came into contact with it. His steps were as silent as his presence in society.

“Right,” Alexandra replied.

They were face to face, although Alec was slightly shorter because of Alexandra's tall boots. He looked into her eyes, which were the only thing visible on her face, as they shone with the low light inside (which was a product of the outside). Alec smiled, and Alexandra must have seen him, because she smiled too.

“But why?” Alec questioned and earned an exasperated snort from Alexandra.

“Why not?”

“Why yes?”

“Why not?!”

Alec laughed and then covered his mouth, realizing that he had laughed very loudly and that his father would come looking for him, and hit him for...for...

Alexandra hugged him, to calm him from all the nerves he had.

Papà is not here, he reminded himself.

He exhaled hard and shook like a leaf in a hurricane.

“I feel like James right now,” Alec muttered.

“Why?” Alexandra asked.

“Why not?” Alec joked. Alexandra hit him with her elbow.

“Seriously, why?”

Alec sighed.

“Because you two are always fighting.”

Alexandra laughed.

“Indeed.”

Alexandra took Alec's hands, which were shaking. The wind enveloped them, they were in the center of an imaginary tornado. So many memories, feelings, laughs, words, all envelopping their hearts, like a windy hug.

Leaves and houses, cars and glasses, all and all in the center of the wind...

It had been so long since Alec sang that song.

He left it singing deep in his mind.

Alec returned to the present, to Alexandra's eyes, to her hands, to her lips...

“I want to date you ‘cause I believe we both deserve love. You're a genius, Ace, never forget that, please,” Alexandra explained and leaned closer to Alec. He gulped.

God.

The tornado swam more turns per minute. More images, more sounds, more feelings running through his veins.

“This is weird,” Alec commented, trying to calm himself.

Alexandra smiled sadly.

“I know. If you're not comfortable…”

Alec shook his head.

“I am comfortable, it's just that this is...unexpected,” Alec explained, trying to choose the correct words.

Alexandra nodded and then changed her sad smile for a mischievous one.

“You really didn’t see it comin’?”

Alec shrugged and Alexandra giggled.

“You really are adorable.”

Alec frowned. He didn't know how to feel when he was complimented. His head was spinning round and round.

Alexandra sighed.

“Well, Acey darlin', I gotta go.”

Alec nodded and walked Alexandra to the window. Alexandra put both of her legs through the metal frame and sat there. Before she started to slide down the metal ladder below, she placed a kiss on Alec’s forehead, one that he felt stickier than expected (maybe because of the gloss she was using 24/7).

Alexandra was beautiful under the lights of Gatlon City. Her black low-cut dress, her stolen leather boots (her only pair of boots), her blood-red lips, her sparkling eyes, her honey-sticky gaze. Her hair was tousled by the wind, and her expression was wild.

She was the living image of rebellious youth.

And she was beautiful.

Alec smiled, happy that Alexandra had asked him out, for having said yes, because he was him, because she was her and not someone else, and also, because all the anguish and tar in his mind had spread.

“Bye bye, see ya later,” Alexandra said goodbye and began to descend, while spiders and spiders came to her aid, one that Alec did not understand how it worked. Nor did he understand how Alexandra managed to avoid falling into the void that ended in concrete and cement, but there were things that were better not to ask.

“Bye,” Alec said and returned to his bed, with electrified feet, a smile on his lips and a tornado in his heart. With his mind he drew the piece of cloth that was supposed to be a sheet and covered himself with it. The smile on his lips seemed indelible.

Alexandra had chosen him.

Him.

The least desirable being in the entire galaxy, chosen by youth and rebellious beauty embodied in a human being. He, a boy marked with leather belts wielded by his father; she, a girl marked by her own hands, in the absence of parental figures. The two alone, the two found. A smile like a nuclear explosion, a presence like a constant breeze. Both different, both the same.

Both together.

Alec closed his eyes.

Everything would be fine as long as he was with Alexandra, the girl that seemed to be immortal as time itself. She was his laugh, his everything among nothing.

For once in his life, he didn’t regret anything.

He smiled all night long.

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musicprincess655 · 4 years

Link

Ryuu wakes up a week after his twenty-fifth birthday with a fully formed frontal lobe, the remnants of dream that didn’t even have the decency to be wet, and an unfortunate realization.

“Gin.”

She’s already up, of course, sipping at a coffee, but then, she’s always been the more functional one. Ryuu would argue that it’s because she’s younger and therefore spent less time in the slums before their lives found some stability in the Port Mafia. Gin would argue that it’s because Chuuya raised her instead of Dazai.

“I believe I may have…feelings…for Jinko.”

She doesn’t look suitably impressed by the earth-shattering news.

“Do you want a regular cake or a cupcake tower at the wedding?”

Ryuu is so shocked by her lack of shock that he actually answers.

“Cupcake tower.” He shakes his head. “Did you hear me? I have feelings for Jinko.”

“It’s kind of too late to go back to calling him Jinko when you’ve been calling him by his real name for over a year.”

“I have feelings for-!”

“I heard you the first two times!”

“Then tell me what I’m supposed to do!”

“I don’t know!” she snaps, although she sounds more exasperated than mad. “Woo him? Marry him? Bear his weird tiger babies?”

“That’s physically impossible. Also, no?”

“I don’t know what you want here,” she says. “General dating advice wouldn’t work on you two.”

“Dating?!”

“Fucking hell.” She sounds so frustrated that Ryuu is sure she’s about to throw a knife at him just to get him to shut up. “Try talking to him.”

“No.”

“Then eat shit and die!”

Ryuu isn’t quite sure who else to ask for help. He almost goes to Chuuya, but considering Chuuya’s – arrangement? Relationship? – with Dazai, Ryuu thinks that might actually make everything worse. Whatever those two are doing, he doesn’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

So he takes the second option presented to him: he shoves those feelings right back where they belong and forgets they ever existed. Or tries to.

See, Ryuu is good at anger. He recognizes it in himself, knows now how to ramp it down or let it take him as necessary, knows how to use it, TED talk to follow. What is he supposed to do with something so much softer?

It should be easy to ignore. But like an amorphous block, the soft edges of the feelings squeeze out no matter where he tries to shove them down.

Ryuu doesn’t think Atsushi has noticed anything is off. He’s sure Atsushi would have said something by now otherwise. As an adult, Atsushi has all the observation skills of a detective and none of the reticence for sharing his observations that he used to. The new confidence is annoying, and has led to annoying things like Ryuu being forced to buy Atsushi food all the time, and in general, Atsushi is somehow more annoying than when he went running scared from Ryuu’s every glare.

And Ryuu has feelings for him anyway. His taste leaves much to be desired, and he needs to come up with some synonyms for annoying.

This systematic denial works for all of two weeks, and Ryuu is ready to celebrate the success of creating a new normal so seamlessly that Atsushi hasn’t even noticed they have a new normal, when it all goes to shit.

They don’t have quite as many people to beat into the ground to protect Yokohama as they did when they started their partnership, but every so often, a new group thinks it’s a good idea to disturb the peace. Ryuu and Atsushi, for their efficiency alone, are the best choice for dealing with it.

Some syndicate from Europe seems to think they have the right to expand into the Asian market, and they’ve set their eyes on the port of Yokohama for their first step in. They don’t have nearly the same aversion to city-wide destruction that the Port Mafia do, which makes this the Armed Detective Agency’s problem too, and, consequently, Ryuu and Atsushi’s problem. They’re in charge of stopping and containing a Gifted vanguard while the combined strategic might of Dazai and Mori deal with the rest of the syndicate.

It’s a tough fight, but Ryuu gets to let loose and use his Ability to the fullest. His deal with Atsushi to not kill is long since over, but he developed habits during those six months that he hasn’t bothered to shake, and the fight isn’t the bloodbath it could be. Still, when the last person raises their hands in surrender, Ryuu is almost gasping for breath. He may have learned to work smarter instead of harder, but working smarter is hard on him in its own way.

“Good work today,” Atsushi says, wiping blood from an already-healed cut off his mouth. Even after all this time, the praise still sends a thrill down Ryuu’s spine.

Then Atsushi lifts his head, and his eye are so wide, and he looks so happy, smiling without reservation at Ryuu, and Ryuu doesn’t know what his face does, but it must be pretty spectacular because Atsushi’s smile fades.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Ryuu says, turning on his heel to get away from Atsushi and the emotions he wears so openly. He needs to find a bar, one Atsushi won’t follow him to, and he doesn’t stop to consider the implications of skipping their post-mission dinner arrangement for the first time in years.

When Chuuya finds him, he’s getting systematically drunk.

Which, granted, doesn’t take much, He’s always been a bit of a lightweight, probably due to how severely underweight he’s been for most of his life. That’s not quite the problem it used to be, and one shot isn’t enough to take him out at the knees anymore, but he doesn’t even have to use his fancy mafia paycheck to get well and truly plastered.

“So I know I’m about to sound like a hypocrite, but it’s barely five,” Chuuya says, and while his words are chiding, his tone isn’t. Ryuu is still working on reading people’s intentions, but Chuuya has never been hard. He’s worried. “Wanna talk?”

“Stupid fucking Jinko and his stupid fucking doe eyes,” Ryuu mutters before he can stop himself. He’s had six shots. He wishes he had a better excuse.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of drinking,” Chuuya sighs. He raises his hand to catch the bartender’s attention, elegant and confident in one motion. “Whiskey for me. Water for him.”

“I’m fine.”

“Akutagawa.”

Chuuya rests his hand on Ryuu’s head, and Ryuu is almost ashamed of the way he leans into the touch immediately. Despite all the jokes even he himself makes, he’s not a dog. Still, to have someone touch him without even the intention of hurting him…it’s nice. It’s uncommon. It’s, perhaps, something that shouldn’t be so uncommon from a superior.

He’s so drunk.

“Do you want my advice?” Chuuya asks after the bartender sets both of their drinks down and Ryuu throws back half the tall glass of water.

Ryuu is silent for just a beat too long.

“Kid,” Chuuya sighs again, not angry or even exasperated, as is more common with him and Ryuu recently. He sounds faintly amused. “I know we’ve talked about this. You’re allowed to say no to me.”

“It’s not…” Ryuu tries. “I just…” He has to parse it into words, the fact that after Gin, Chuuya was the first he thought to turn to, and why he didn’t in the end. “I don’t know if I, necessarily, want the answer I think you’ll give me.”

“What answer do you think I’ll give you?” Chuuya asks. His hand is still on Ryuu’s head, pulling until Ryuu is very nearly tucked into his shoulder.

“Two options,” Ryuu says. “Something I can’t use, or something I won’t want to.”

“Ah.” Chuuya takes a sip of his whiskey. “You know I’ve had relationships with people other than Dazai, right?”

“That’s where the something I can’t use comes from.”

“So my relationship with Dazai is too fucked up, but all my other relationships are too normal?” Chuuya asks, summing it up entirely too well.

“I don’t think I can do normal,” Ryuu says. “I’m pretty sure he can’t either.”

“I can’t tell you how to fix that,” Chuuya admits. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be where I am. Which isn’t a complaint, by the way. I’m happy. But I’ll admit parts of my life are less than functional, and that’s down to choices I’ve made. That being said…” he gives Ryuu’s hair a little tug until Ryuu is truly resting on his shoulder, head momentarily stopped from spinning, “…I doubt Nakajima would kick you out of his life for anything at this point.”

“You think I should talk to him too,” Ryuu says.

“Gin’s smarter than you give her credit for.”

“She told you about this?”

“I just know she’s the only other person you’d tell about this,” Chuuya says. “You’re not actually that complicated.”

“I talk to Higuchi about stuff,” Ryuu pouts. He won’t admit he’s pouting.

“You’re not cruel to her anymore,” Chuuya says. “So no, I don’t think you would’ve told her about this.”

“I want another shot.”

“You should probably be done for the night,” Chuuya advises. “Listen. I don’t know how this is gonna shake out. I don’t know Nakajima well enough to guess what he’ll do. But I do know you, and I can tell you that you’re gonna be okay.”

“You think?”

“I think it would take another city-destroying disaster for you to not be okay,” Chuuya says. “And that wasn’t an invitation. I’m enjoying the peace. It’s good for business.” His phone chimes. “Your ride is here, and you’re cut off.”

“You called a car?”

“Like I said,” Chuuya says, getting to his feet, “I know you.”

Having a superior care so openly about him is still a bit of a new experience, and rather than try to examine anything Chuuya said, Ryuu just collapses into bed when the driver drops him off, hoping he’ll just forget everything by the morning. He doesn’t, of course, because that would be too easy.

Things were fine between him and Atsushi before, but suddenly, there’s a new tension. Ryuu panics, convinced Atsushi knows, but after a day of careful observation, he’s almost positive that Atsushi actually doesn’t. Atsushi isn’t shying away from the parts of their alliance that Ryuu, a few years ago, had reluctantly labelled as friendship. He doesn’t have a problem with their casual conversation, and their shared food arrangements have picked up again without so much as a mention of one missed.

In fact, the only thing that has changed is actually something Ryuu’s seen before, just not in years.

They’re friends now. Beyond just tolerating his presence, Ryuu does like having Atsushi around. He even has these new mushy feelings that make him a little sick to his stomach if he thinks about them too hard. But none of that changes the fact that sometimes, Atsushi annoys the ever-loving fuck out of him.

Snapping at Atsushi usually only gets Ryuu an eye roll now, or sometimes a shut up if he says something particularly spiteful, but ever since Ryuu bailed on dinner, every time he snaps at Atsushi, instead of the customary dismissal, Ryuu gets a flinch like he used to when they first started working together.

And seriously, what the fuck? He knows Atsushi isn’t scared of him anymore. For one thing, they’ve proven a few times that Atsushi can beat him into the ground if he wants. For another, Ryuu has calmed down a bit and Atsushi has stuck around enough to figure out how to exist in the same space without killing each other. They haven’t had a serious fight in years.

Ryuu can’t figure out what Atsushi’s sudden problem is, and doubly can’t figure out why it would’ve started after he skipped buying Atsushi food once. It’s almost enough to push the mush feelings that started this whole mess to a backburner, only surfacing when Ryuu’s eyes linger too long on the clean, lithe lines of Atsushi’s body, and he knows he’s not the only one who stares, anyway.

And then a new group surfaces. A remnant faction of the Guild that has apparently spent the better part of five years biding their time and preparing to take revenge on both the Port Mafia and the ADA. Since Ryuu and Atsushi were the ones to take down Fitzgerald, the faction prepared the most for them. From the beginning of an attack they only had the slightest warning for, Ryuu and Atsushi are methodically separated from everyone else.

They’re losing. Badly. Ryuu doesn’t know where any allies are except for Atsushi, and then only because Rashomon still has a tendril on him. Blood pours down his leg from a shot above his knee, and Ryuu resists the urge to favor the leg in case he has to run again. He ducks into an alley and slides down the wall, trying to catch his breath, get his bearings. He hasn’t had to legitimately fight for survival in a long time, and though his life has made him no stranger to pain, he’s not as young as he used to be, and his body protests when Ryuu tries to demand movement from it.

“Aku.”

It seems Atsushi has found him. Ryuu doesn’t even bother to snap at him for the nickname. Atsushi picked up the habit a few years back, saying Ryuu’s name was too long for him to yell, and Ryuu has begrudgingly gotten used to it, only putting up token protests now. He hurts too much for those, though.

“We have to get clear,” Ryuu tells him.

He heard some distant explosions he’d bet his coat are Chuuya, and where they find Chuuya, they’ll find the Black Lizard – they’ll find Gin – and they’ll find Dazai, or at least Dazai’s mind, talking through an earpiece and entirely out of the fight, safe where he’s most effective. Those allies would be enough to turn the tide, if only Ryuu had any damn clue how they could get clear.

“I have an idea,” Atsushi says.

“That is not your area,” Ryuu counters. He can’t help himself. Everything hurts.

“I know you’re mad at me, but trust me on this,” Atsushi pleads.

“I’m not…” Ryuu is so taken aback he needs a second to organize a response. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Generally speaking, he’s almost never mad at Atsushi anymore. If he is’ it’s a fleeting anger, gone as soon as he recognizes it. He has no clue why Atsushi might think he’s angry enough to revert their relationship back five years.

“Because you skipped dinner, and you made this face…” Atsushi trails off, and Ryuu…

His taste leaves so much to be desired. Atsushi is an idiot, all personal growth aside, and Ryuu realizes, with a degree of horror, that he feels something very close to fond.

“That’s not why,” he says, voice gruff, and he’s once again lost control of his face. Atsushi searches his eyes, and Ryuu sees the moment the truth dawns on him.

“Are you…?”

“You said you had an idea?” Ryuu interrupts. He keeps his eyes off Atsushi’s face.

“I do,” Atsushi says. “I need all of Rashomon.”

Ryuu instinctively holds his Ability closer. He’d given all of her to Atsushi earlier, a standard play when they’re in an all-out fight, but it only works when Atsushi takes all the hits. After he got shot in the leg, he pulled part of her back.

“Do you think you can hold onto me?” Atsushi asks.

“Why?”

“I won’t be able to hold onto you.”

“You’re going to get us both killed,” Ryuu accuses without heat. He can already feel himself relenting.

“Trust me,” Atsushi begs.

Ryuu does.

“I guess another trip with the world’s worst Uber driver isn’t the worst way to go,” Ryuu sighs.

Atsushi crouches in front of him, hands careful on Ryuu’s leg as he clambers onto Atsushi’s back. It aches, but Ryuu holds with both his arms and hopes for the best.

“Use Rashomon to amplify the jump,” Atsushi tells him. “And leave me plenty of slack.”

“Slack…why?” Ryuu asks, but Atsushi is already gone under his hands, replaced with a tiger. “Oh.”

Atsushi’s muscles bunch, and that’s all the warning Ryuu gets before they take off into the sky.

The tiger can’t fly, but the jump is so powerful, especially with the added strength of Rashomon, that it feels like a near thing. They soar above the building they’d been sheltered behind, over the heads of their enemies, and by the time anyone thinks to attack, it’s already too late.

“East,” Ryuu shouts above the wind. With the new vantage point he can get a better idea of where Chuuya is. Atsushi can’t answer him, of course, but he obeys anyway, touching down and running towards the explosions. They’re almost to relative safety when a strike from the side sends them both sprawling.

An Ability user approaches them, hands crackling with something obviously dangerous. Ryuu doesn’t stop to think. He just attacks, Rashomon rushing the man in furious tendrils. He pulls back at the last minute, and when the dust clears, the man is unconscious and full of holes, but still breathing.

Ryuu is just turning to see if he needs to pull emergency first aid skills out of his ass when he gets an armful of re-humanized Atsushi and a pair of lips hitting his own like a punch. He doesn’t even have time to respond to the kiss before Atsushi shoves him back by the shoulders.

“Wait, shit!”

Atsushi regrets the kiss. Atsushi regrets him.

Ryuu’s hand twitches towards the phone in his pocket. He can leave this all behind and start a new life. In Iceland. He can use the Duolingo app Chuuya made him download to learn the language. He’ll herd sheep. He’ll change his name to Sven.

“I was supposed to ask for consent first!”

“What?” Ryuu – Sven – asks.

“I’m supposed to ask for consent before I kiss you!”

This doesn’t…feel like rejection. Sven – Ryuu – takes his thumb off the Duolingo app.

“You’ve been thinking about kissing me?” he asks.

“I was…I mean…” Atsushi flushes red. “For a while now? I never thought you’d want me to, but then you did, and…”

Leave it to Atsushi to charge right through all the hesitancy Ryuu’s been feeling. He always has been the kind to leap before he looks.

In a better world, they’d have time to let this play out like a shoujo manga, time for them to gaze into each other’s eyes, time to work up to a kiss much softer and slower, something a first kiss deserves to be.

But it’s not a better world, and they’re still not safe, but they’re close enough to allies that they can make a run for it.

“We have to get out of here,” Ryuu says. He can already hear enemies approaching. Atsushi lets go of his shoulders, and they both start running, Ryuu limping on his bad leg. “And Atsushi?”

“Hm?”

“Buy me dinner first.”

Ryuu doesn’t watch Atsushi take that for the consent it is, but he knows the message is received when Atsushi reaches out to squeeze his hand as they run, letting it drop so they can move faster. They’ll probably have to talk this out when they’re safe, because Gin is right; they need to talk. But now they both know it’s not one-sided, and it’s as good a starting place as any.

In spite of the pain in his leg and his lungs, in spite of the danger they’re still in, Ryuu can’t help the grin that spreads across his face as he runs, Atsushi by his side.

#shin soukoku #sskk #akuatsu #atsuaku #bungou stray dogs #bsd #my writing #bsd!oneshot

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athenagrantt · 4 years

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okay.

summary: buck always hated the whole soulmate bullshit... okay maybe not always but for as long as he learned two things: one, what is his soulmark and two, who his soulmate is, in that particular order or in which buck has the last words his soulmate will ever say to him tattooed on his arm and his soulmate is his best friend. warnings: major character death words: 4,497k a/n: hi! So this is my very first 9-1-1/buddie fic and so I decided it’d be a great idea to introduce myself to y’all with this angsty fic and probably make all of you hate me so… yeah, call me satan and enjoy! lmao (side note if you wanna cry more I recommend to read this while listening to tough by lewis capaldi *wink wink*) read on ao3

There were so may ways you could find your soulmate Buck couldn’t count them even if he tried. And from what he knew and he’d like to think he knew quite a lot about the topic since he was fascinated by soulmates growing up, most of them were cute, romantic and funny or some kind of combinations of all three. And since everyone around him fit into that equation, you could even say Buck was excited to find that person who was destined to be with him.

Everything shifted when Buck was a little older and found out there actually were not-so-nice and cute ways to find a soulmate and that made Buck anxious about the future. Instead of looking forward to his eighteenth birthday he was dreading it. Every time he thought about it his chest got a little tighter and his breathing quickened.

It wasn’t like he had to take a test or an interview or something like that to determine his way of finding his other half. He’d just know. He’d wake up on his birthday and just know how it’s gonna go so he shouldn’t be this stressed. But he was. And every year his anxiety just kept getting worse because just in three years, two years, one year he w o u l d k n o w.

And yes, he could be overthinking for nothing. He could be just as lucky as other people and have a cute tattoo or see them in his dreams or not age ‘til they meet and it would be awesome but at the same time his brain kept reminding him he could be the unlucky one and most of the time Buck didn’t even want to think what that would mean.

On his birthday, the birthday, Buck woke up feeling different. He couldn’t figure it out right away but he had this gut feeling something’s changed. It was almost like a missing piece of him was finally in its place. He felt whole. And the first thing he did was smile and exhale slowly, calmly. He chuckled quietly not even knowing why and got up from the bed strangely ready to take on another day.

Only when he was putting his clothes on, Buck noticed something on his arm which was strange considering the fact he could barely fall asleep the night before constantly thinking about everything the next day would mean. He took a deep breath and after few seconds finally looked at his arm.

Okay.

Buck furrowed his brows. That was it? Just one word? At first he thought maybe there’s more to come so he spent the entire day constantly checking his arms even though something inside his head was telling him there will not be anything else. And that little voice was right because when Buck went back to bed the same, lonely word was all he saw.

And then a cold, uncomfortable chill run through his entire body and it hit him like a ton of bricks. Something he should’ve think about right away. Instead of overthinking what the tattoo was actually saying he should’ve think about what was the meaning behind it. Because there was one and as soon as Buck unlocked that part, he knew. He knew exactly what that small, innocent okay placed on his wrist meant and for a few seconds that realization knocked the air out of his lungs.

Buck spent the next few hours sitting in the same exact spot on his bed, his breath shaky and shallow, the thumb of his right hand abstinently stroking the inked skin on his left wrist. He felt numb, not able to do anything to break his trance. He noticed he was crying only when the tears started dropping on his hand and still he did nothing to stop them. His vision blurry, the only thing he could see was that same little okay he was staring at for hours.

This was the last thing his soulmate would ever say to him.

He didn’t want to believe it. He wished it was a mistake.

But he knew,

he knew

he knew it wasn’t.

He knew that little word will, someday, shatter his entire world into pieces. Pieces he won’t be able to glue together. Because his heart will die. Literally. And there’s nothing he can do about it, nothing he can do to prevent it. All he can do is wait and hope.

Okay.

And just as he was lying on the bed, as if all the hurt wasn’t enough, Buck realised another two things. Yes, ‘okay’ will be the only thing his soulmate will ever say to him but he has no idea of knowing which one of them could be in a life-death situation. He just assumed that short word would be said when his soulmate would be dying but who’s to say it won’t be him and ‘okay’ will be literally the last thing he will ever hear? Thinking about it felt like someone was kicking him in the gut.

However Buck didn’t have much time to dwell on that because another thought wanted to be heard – Why just one word? Wasn’t his luck bad enough? How was he supposed to know which ‘okay’ would be the last one? Was he supposed to panic every time someone in his presence said it? Or was he supposed to just know like he knows he definitely was the unluckiest person in the entire world right now?

He had two possible choices - to just live his life to the fullest, knowing he or someone who he will love with everything in him might day and he has no idea when, why or who could it be or to completely close himself off to love, to avoid it like a fire and be miserable his whole life…

But seeing as only few years later Buck was working as a firefighter and chasing fires was literally his job the choice seemed pretty obvious. Somewhere along the way he decided he can’t waste his life. He won’t waste his life. The idea of losing his soulmate, one way or another, still terrified him, but throughout the years he learned to just ignore or silence that part of his brain. Was it healthy for his mental health? God no. But it was working so Buck decided to stick with it.

Then… Buck meet Eddie and again something in him started to change. It was even more confusing than the time thing like this happened on his eighteen birthday. But somehow, somehow Buck knew it had to do with his soulmate. He didn't know how Eddie fit in there but he must’ve.

Because Buck knew.

The idea of Eddie being his soulmate crossed him mind more than once but Eddie told him about Shannon, his w i f e, so no matter what Buck was imagining, Eddie Diaz wasn’t his soulmate and he had to accept it. And he did.

But then Shannon died.

And Eddie’s soulmark was still there.

And Buck was so confused.

Because that wasn’t supposed to happen. When you or your soulmate dies your soulmark dies with you/them. What happens after that? Buck had no idea but what he knew was that the blue eyes Eddie kept on seeing in his dreams should now be gone.

They were not. Even weeks after Shannon’s death Eddie was complaining he still dreamt about them. Buck suggested that maybe it takes time for a soulmark to completely disappear but the thing with Eddie’s soulmark was that it wasn’t disappearing at all. Eddie was convinced that it’s the exact opposite and the eyes he sees are even more visible than before. And at this point Buck was just lost.

When he met Eddie they talked about soulmates. And Eddie explained to him that even though he can see the eyes in his dreams, he’d only know for sure after he kissed his soulmate. He told Buck after he kissed Shannon for the first time he was positive she was it for him and then they had Christopher – whom Buck loves almost as if he was his own son, and despite everything that happened between him and Shannon he thought they would work it out. Unfortunately they didn’t and now Buck wasn’t the only one who was struggling with his soulmate.

He wished both him and Eddie had it as easy as their colleagues from the station.

Like his own sister and Chimney for example. They were both living in a black and white until they kissed and when they did suddenly the world was colourful and beautiful and the two of them were so happy and full of love.

Or Athena and Bobby. Bobby could literally see her in her dreams. He knew exactly who was his soulmate when he laid his eyes on her and when Athena heard his voice, when they first spoke, she knew it was him because the same thing that came out of his mouth was what was tattooed on her forearm.

But Buck’s favourite, to this day were Han and Karen. When they met their hearts started glowing. Han told him, jokingly that they must’ve really been in love because the glow of their hearts wouldn't go away for a whole week. And it only made Buck love their story even more. Mainly because when Buck was younger he wished that would be him someday. Finding love with a glowing heart.

Instead he was cursed with his little okay.

Nothing was okay and it was even less okay after the dinner they had at Bobby and Athena’s place one time Okay, no, the dinner itself was great. But they always were. As long as all of them were together in a room, everything was great. So they talked, they drank, they ate, they laughed and drank some more. A few of them would have a hangover the next day but they were having so much fun that the next morning wasn’t important. Buck wasn’t even mad when his team lost a game of charades – and if it was all Bucks’s fault because he kept staring at his best friend, no one has to know… except everyone knew. The alcohol coursing through his veins did not make him subtle at all.

It was weird. Because up to that very dinner party Buck never thought about Eddie in that way.

That was a lie.

He definitely did think about Eddie in that way but never before let himself think he could have something real with Eddie. He was so fixated on the idea that they weren’t soulmates he never even thought they could still be a thing. Not being someone else’s soulmate never stopped him from a relationship and yet he couldn’t bring himself to try and start something with Eddie. No matter how hard he wanted to pretend he didn’t know what was holding him back, he did. And it was pretty simple and obvious – he didn’t want to risk his friendship with Eddie and his relationship with Christopher. He loved that kid so much sometimes it scared him. The way Chris could chase all his worries away with just one smile was incredible and Buck would rather pine for Eddie from afar then do something that in the long run had the possibility of hurting Chris.

Where were those exact thoughts after the dinner when Eddie suggested they don’t stop the fun now and grab a drink or two at the nearby bar? Buck had no idea but he always had a hard time saying no to Eddie so they did grab a drink or two or four at the bar nearby.

So yeah, the dinner itself was great, it was everything that happened after that might have been the worst or best night in Buck’s life. To this day he’s not sure.

At first the night was going great. They ordered the first round of drinks and sat in the corner booth at the very end of the room where the music was just a little bit quieter and it was easier to hear what they were saying. Also, the light wasn’t that aggressive and when after good twenty minutes Buck thought about it, the whole atmosphere of the booth was awfully romantic. Eddie either didn’t mind it or simply didn’t notice too preoccupied with telling a story about Christopher from that morning.

They spent most of the time like this, talking and laughing, just like best friends do. Buck had even more fun than only hours ago when they were with the rest of the team. Something about it being just the two of them made it even better. And when the voice inside his head would keep on telling him it was because he had feelings for Eddie he’d just push it down, ignoring it before his heart would flutter at the idea.

It was so easy to fall for Eddie Diaz. Buck couldn’t even point to en exact moment he realised he wanted something more than friendship. The idea was silly but it was like Buck’s entire body started vibrating when he was close to him. When it happened the first time, for a second, Buck thought he was dying. He’s never felt anything even close to what he felt that day and it scared and excited him at the same time. Right there and then was the first time Buck thought about Eddie being his soulmate and just by thinking it his body got all warm and tingly and he absolutely loved it. Chimney was the only one who noticed his reaction and for a good week kept making faces at him any time Eddie entered the room which after a month was quite annoying but there was nothing Buck could do about it so he just learned to go with it.

Along the way everyone around him started to notice how taken he was by Eddie… Eddie being the exception. Buck was almost amazed by how oblivious his best friend was. Whenever Han or Chim or even Booby would say something to embarrass Buck in front of him he completely shrugged it off and didn’t give it a second thought. Sometimes Buck was curious what he’d have to do for Eddie to get the idea.

Like what if he were to casually take Eddie’s hand in the middle of his story? Without any explanation. Just hold it, maybe intertwined their fingers together and listen to the story like nothing happened. Would that be enough for Eddie to stop and question what was going on? Suddenly Buck really wanted to know and-

“Hey, man you there? You seemed kinda off.” Eddie’s voice brought him back from daydreaming.

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out a little.” Buck chuckled.

“Are you calling me boring, Buckley?” A challenging smile on Eddie’s lips.

Buck wanted to kiss those lips.

“I’m not saying Chris would told this story better but...” He trailed off, teasing.

“Wow.” Eddie sighed, trying to look offended but failing.

Buck knew he should’ve stop drinking if he wanted to finish the night without embarrassing himself but at this point in his life he was also pretty good at ignoring his thoughts so that’s what he did and moments later was ordering another round.

He had no idea what happened in that short period of time he was gone but when he was back in the booth he had this feeling that the mood has changed. Something shifted in that little world Eddie and him were immersed for the last two hours. He didn’t know what but when Eddie emptied almost half of his drink at once he knew something definitely happened.

And then before he even had the chance to ask, Eddie’s face was so close to his, Buck could probably count his eyelashes if wasn’t as surprised as she was.

And then they were kissing. And Buck’s head was spinning. And Eddie’s hands were on his neck pulling him even closer. And he let him. And Buck himself grabbed Eddie’s shirt in his hands. And an embarrassingly loud groan escaped his lips. And he could feel Eddie smiling. And Buck hated how much he loved it. But they were kissing so it didn’t matter. Because E d d i e k i s s e d h i m.

Buck had to physically, gently push Eddie away because as much as he absolutely loved feeling his lips on his own, suddenly he knew and yet again he absolutely hated his life.

Okay.

Right after Buck broke the kiss, he could see how confused Eddie was. And he had every right to because Buck did kiss him back. And they both knew what just happened and what that meant for them but for some reason, after a moment of complete silence between them Eddie felt the need to voice the fact. “You’re my soulmate.” He said quietly and Buck was surprised he could actually hear him. “We’re soulmates.” Eddie said again with a smile on his face and Buck wanted to cry.

Okay.

He was fine with Eddie not knowing Buck had feelings for him. It was easier. It was safer. But Eddie kissed him and Buck kissed him back. And now the idea he was so quick to dismiss so many time before turned out to be true and Buck hated it. Because it meant he would lose Eddie. Someday in the hopefully long ass future he will definitely loose his best friend. One of them will die leaving the other one. No one said it had to be soon but Buck couldn’t let himself get his hopes up.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

It didn’t take long for Eddie to decipher Buck’s reaction. He knew how Buck felt about his soulmark and it was safe to say he hated it. It wasn’t a secret. And Buck always said he’s rather never find them rather than go through loosing essentially a part of himself. So knowing that, Eddie couldn’t even be mad. He could only imagine how hard it was for Buck to know the last thing Eddie would say to him. Now that he knew Buck was his soulmate he wasn’t sure himself how he felt about the idea but he knew he wouldn’t want anyone else as his soulmate.

“Buck.” Eddie said, his hand firmly gripping Buck’s shoulder. “Look at me.” He asked and took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s okay.”

“Eddie.” Buck’s breath hitched and when nothing happened he exhaled sharply and pulled Eddie in for a tight hug. “You’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I’m okay. We’re okay.” Eddie assured him and Buck hated how his heart stopped for a second every time Eddie said that word.

“Please never say ‘okay’ to me ever again.”

Buck was so serious it almost gave Eddie chills but he rolled his eyes to somehow loosen up the tense moment. “Buck. Don’t be ridiculous.” He shook his head, grabbing Buck’s hand. “Do you really believe that me not saying the word will change anything?”

“I hope so.” Buck sighed. “Eddie, I can’t lose you.” He admitted eventually and it nearly broke Eddie’s heart to hear how defeated he sounded. And Eddie wanted to assure him, he won’t but he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t promise something like that and he didn’t want to lie to Buck. “The only thing we can do is to live to the fullest and enjoy it while it lasts, okay?” Eddie said, adding the word Buck hated on purpose just to make his point.

And Buck knew Eddie was right. He couldn’t live in fear because he wouldn’t be living at all. And now that he knew Eddie was his soulmate Buck wanted so many things out of life. So just like he did all those years ago, when he found that little okay on his wrist, he decided to let that fear of losing Eddie motivate him to live his life like every day was the last one rather than stop living at all. And being a firefighter sure did help him understand how fragile life was, on a daily basis.

Even before he knew Eddie’s his soulmate both of them had a few close calls and right there one of them could’ve died and when Buck thinks about it now it would be so much worse. The situation he is now isn’t the best but it always could be worse. If Eddie were to die and Buck would find out they were soulmates before he had any chance to do anything about it he’s sure he’d die right beside him because of how broken his heart would be. At least now they had a chance to be together. No matter how long.

Months have passed and both of them were still happy and most importantly healthy. Of course, there were times one of them would be closer to the other side that they’d prefer, knowing the circumstances but at the end they were okay.

Until they weren’t.

The day started almost like any other. It was better because exactly a year ago they were in a bar where they discovered they’re soulmates. A year ago they got together and started their lives as a couple.

An anniversary.

Time really flies when you’re happy and in love. Buck could not believe it has been a year already. It was, hands down, the best year of his life. A year filled with nothing but the kind of love that consumes you entirely. So he insisted they go out and celebrate together. All three of them. Because it wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. Buck made a reservation at their favourite restaurant and was so excited he nearly started counting down the hours.

Much to all his friends’ joy he didn’t have the time to actually do it since the day was just hectic. Every call was more intense than the previous one and the last one of the day was the actual worst one in every meaning imaginable.

There was a man threatening a woman with a gun. He was drunk and Buck would say crazy. When they got there Bobby, Eddie and him went inside. Bobby tried to talk the man down, tried to reason with him but to no avail. It seemed like the man couldn’t even hear him like all this anger bubbling inside him made him deaf. Which was ridiculous of course, but Buck really didn’t know how else to describe it.

And everything that happened after Bobby stopped talking and addressed Buck and Eddie happened so quickly Buck didn’t even know what he was doing after he was in the middle of throwing himself at the captain. All he remembered was the man pointing his gun at Bobby and pulling the trigger. When both of them landed on the ground everyone present realised the gun did not fire. Buck let himself take a deep shaky breath before he looked back at the scene and oh how he wished he didn’t. Because when he turned his head around, standing up from the ground he saw Eddie charging at the man who now knew that now there was nothing to lose. He attempted to kill Bobby so he might as well carry on with his plan.

Before Eddie managed to reach him, the man quickly reload the gun and fired.

One.

Two.

Three.

Then Eddie landed on the ground, nothing but pure shock on his face. The only thing Buck could hear was the beating of his own heart. He was on his knees when Eddie fall down and now wasn’t able to pull himself up. Completely ignoring the very real chance of being shot himself he stumbled to where Eddie was lying in a pool of his blood, hand clutching his chest.

Buck was numb.

He had no idea what was happening around him. The only thing important to him was Eddie and when he reached him he took his hand in his. Tears were streaming down his face but he didn’t even noticed.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

“They’re almost gone.” Eddie mumbled, looking at Buck.

“What?” Buck asked even though he had a pretty good idea what Eddie was talking about. But this time, this time Buck let himself hope.

“Your eyes.” Eddie smiled, his eyes closing just for a second.

Buck’s wrist started to sting.

Okay.

“Eddie. No.” Buck’s voice broke and his heart was beating so fast. “You can’t-” He couldn’t finish. He didn’t want to finish. “Think about Christopher. You can’t leave Christopher.” He cried. “You can’t leave me.” Eddie’s grip on his hand was so weak it made Buck sick. “We have an anniversary dinner to go to.” He tried, he tried to be okay. “Eddie please.”

“I know you’ll take good care of him Buck. There’s nobody in this world that I trust with him more than you, remember?” Buck could barely hear him and the pain in his wrist was increasing with every second yet it still was nothing in comparison to the pain of hi dying heart.

Okay.

“Eddie-” He wanted to say so many things but the lump in his throat wouldn’t let him.

“I know.” Eddie placed his hand on Buck’s cheek. “I love you, too.”

Buck couldn’t take it any more. Still holding Eddie’s hand, he laid his head on his chest and regretted it as soon as he heard how slow and weak Eddie’s heartbeat was. How he wished it was just a very very bad dream or some sick joke. How was he supposed to live his life now?

“Hey, look at me.” He obeyed but when he looked in Eddie’s eyes he knew exactly what was gonna happen and if it was possible, he just cried harder.

Okay.

“Don’t say it. Eddie I am begging you, please don’t say it.” Buck was shaking his head frantically. His whole body was shaking and he wasn’t sure if it ever stop. “You’re gonna be fine. I love you. So much. You’re gonna be fine, okay?” He didn't even noticed what he said until Eddie smiled at him with all the love he had for Buck in his eyes.

“Okay.” Eddie exhaled and tugged at Buck’s hand. He couldn’t see anything through the tears but he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to Eddie’s. When he pulled away he was choking on the tears. Still strongly gripping Eddie’s hand he just looked at him before he noticed that his wrist wasn’t hurting any more. The one thing he hated about himself and now the only thing he’d of Eddie was gone and he’d never imagined he’s miss it.

Buck managed to whisper one last ‘I love you’ before he felt a pair of hands pulling him away from his now forever gone soulmate.

And he was far, far away from okay.

#9-1-1 #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #kingaftwriting #i'm so sorry #asdfghjkl #i was literally bawling my eyes out writing the last part #it hurts so much #i am satan #ANYWAY #hope you hate it enough to like it!#lmao #there are probably tons of mistakes bc i didn't proof read #so sorry about that

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geraldineswriting · 4 years

Text

Lost Love

word count= 6.9k

warnings= angst, language & fluff

It was strange, because you didn’t know that you were even in love with him until you couldn’t touch him anymore. When you weren’t allowed to call him and tell him about your day or drive over to his house in the middle of the night due to a lack of sleep. Once there were no more kisses on the forehead or lazy arms around the waist, it was when you realized that you were totally and completely in love with Shawn Mendes.

It was a short but passionate filled relationship that made you feel like you just had the wind knocked out of you once it was over. He was kind when he gave you tight hugs every time you watched a sad movie, and he was generous when he always made sure to bring you coffee in the mornings that he visited you. He made you feel beautiful when he gave you longing looks in kitchen lighting, and he made you feel whole by zipping up your jackets before you went out into cold weather together.

You both knew that when your relationship had begun it was not going to last forever even if you both wished that it had. It was a love set with a timer waiting to go off at any moment and once it had, you fell apart. He was a rockstar with a deep passion for living life to the fullest while you were a writer that liked your world quiet and small. He couldn't understand your outlook on serenity while you couldn’t grasp his ideas on being the rebel. Some might believe that this could cause you both to balance each other out while others would say this was a recipe for destruction.

So as you stood in line with your now ex-lover’s new album in your hands, you felt your heart shaking around in its cage. You felt like you just lost this imaginary battle with yourself once you gave the cashier your card. You stared down at his face that was on the front of the record, being upset over the fact that he looked more gorgeous than ever.

“Excuse me, M’am! Hello?” the cashier asked.

“Oh I’m sorry, thank you.” you whispered quietly as you took your credit card back along with the plastic bag holding Shawn’s music inside. Usually you would be embarrassed by your actions but you forgave yourself due to the intense circumstances.

Through everything that you now had to do without Shawn, driving was one of the hardest. Everytime you would turn on music, which was now significantly less, you expected to hear his voice singing along with the song. You didn’t know what to do with your extra hand now since you were so used to having it in his before. It especially made you twitch whenever you would look over to the passenger side and see no one there.

Once you turned the key into your door, you remembered how Shawn never gave you your spare key back. There was a glimpse of hope in your chest thinking that maybe he would run into your apartment one day and make some big romantic gesture to win you back. Then you realize it’s been five months since the break up and Shawn had bigger things to do than be heartbroken about a simple ex-girlfriend, or holding on to her old house key for that matter.

You set down your things at the table, quickly peeling off the plastic of his shiny new record. You had thought a lot about this record, whether or not you wanted to listen to it, or touch it or even see it at all. Though once you were sitting on your living room floor, crying your eyes out over the fact that you wished you never left, you knew that the last option to find closure was to listen to his music.

Finding your record player in your hallway closet was hard for you since it was amid every other thing you had stuffed away that reminded you of Shawn. There were shirts and candles and even pillows that had been hidden away into the confined walls, because you chose to believe that if it was out of sight, it was out of mind. You knew that you should probably have thrown everything away all those months ago but letting go of his things meant that you were letting go of him which hurt just a little too much. It was hard when you had almost nothing left inside your apartment but it was better than constantly thinking about Shawn every time you stepped into a room.

You plugged the record player into the wall gently sliding the large black disk out of its cover. You knew that you could’ve just listened to the album on your phone but Shawn would’ve been disappointed to know you were listening to music that way. He always said that it was better on a record player because it showed the true rawness of the music. You hesitated to start playing the record but once you did, you knew there was no going back.

Shawn always had intense anxiety which also brought along panic attacks. He was usually good at controlling his anxious antics around you but he wasn’t so good at calming down once those antics got out of control. He always spoke about how he wished that he could spread awareness about his anxiety through a song one day, so with “In My Blood” he finally did.

It was four in the morning when you woke up to hearing the soft keys of the piano being played. Shawn told you he was going to come to bed within the hour but apparently he decided against it. You quickly walked out of his bedroom where you had fallen asleep, wearing only his t-shirt. Once you had reached his music room, you saw him sitting there with nothing but boxers on, playing the piano quietly but harshly. He was always gentle with his instruments, so it surprised you to see him playing with such persistence.

“Shawn,” you quietly whispered, walking over to rest your head on top of his. “Love, you should come to bed, it’s late.”

You kissed his temple while gently wrapping your arms around his neck. You expected an array of different responses to your request but none of them included him breaking down in tears. His head was looking down against the floor, his body shaking as a sob left his mouth. You were quick to jump around and sit in his lap, holding his head in your palms.

“It’s going to be okay. Shh, it’s all going to be alright Shawn.”

You didn’t know what was happening, only hoping that you could stop his tears with your reassuring words. He slowly wrapped his arms around your body, adjusting his face to lean into your neck.

“What if I’m not good enough? I keep trying to write a song but everything comes out as a mess.” His grip around you tightened as he spoke the heartbreaking words.

You kissed his bare shoulder, rubbing his back with one hand while the other was locked in his hair. You thought he was insane for thinking such a thing, since you knew that you could listen to his singing for the rest of your existence being fully content.

“I think that’s a part of the process sadly, but even then it’s all rewarding. You are going to end up with a beautiful song Shawn, I know it. You just have to keep doing your best, which you always do.” He gently pulled you back from his embrace, giving you a soft kiss on the corner of your mouth. “Let’s go to bed, you need some sleep.”

Before Shawn, you dated men who completely shattered your confidence in not only yourself but mankind. You were terrified to start a new relationship with someone but when you met Shawn, he was hard to resist. He was beautiful and kind, just as much as he was thoughtful and funny. Hanging out with him day after day eventually led to stolen kisses which led to a night where you broke the promise you had made yourself. He wrote “Fallin’ All In You” just about that occurrence.

Waking up on Shawn’s chest, wearing nothing but the blanket that covers you both was startling to say the least. You could feel his arms around your naked torso, and the bright sunshine warming your face through the windows. You felt this strange mix of comfort and relaxation while also feeling like sirens were going off inside your heart. You promised yourself you wouldn’t fall for him, let alone sleep with him. There was now a decision to be made about whether you would accept your defeat and bask in his love or leave before he woke up and pretend like nothing had ever happened.

God seemed to make the decision for you as Shawn pulled you closer to his chest, pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead.

“Goodmorning, sweetheart.” he whispered into your hair that you could only imagine was everywhere.

The urge to leave was starting to dissipate as the need to stay started to blossom. You could get used to forehead kisses and morning embraces.

“Wanna help me make us breakfast?” you spoke into his chest, hearing the rumble of laughter come from his chest, assuming he was nodding eagerly.

Yeah, you could definitely get used to this.

Once your relationship ended, you kept in contact with a few mutual friends between you and Shawn. You didn’t want to go out and see people because if you saw people then you would be reminded of him, someway, somehow. About a month after the night that ended it all, you finally met with one of these mutual friends for lunch, deciding it was time to try and finally socialize. That’s when you first heard about “Where Were You In The Morning”.

You felt so insecure walking into the outdoor mall all by yourself, feeling so hideous and uncomfortable. It had been a full month since the last time you put yourself into the public. Living off of postmates was a lot easier than expected, especially with you already working at home. You saw so many happy children and couples surrounding you, causing tears to build up in your eyes before you blinked them away. You saw your friend sitting at a table in the outdoor seating of your new favorite restaurant. You could no longer go to your old favorite because it was Shawn’s as well.

She gave you a tight hug when you sat down next to her. It felt good to be hugged with so much care and love, not having the chance to experience that since a month ago.

“So how are you? You look great (y/n).” She spoke with such a brightness in her voice, realizing that she truly did care about your well being.

“I’m not great. I miss him so much Myla.”

Tears slipped down your face, while you desperately tried to wipe them away.

“I know. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this but he’s actually writing a song about you right now.”

You didn’t know if you should have been surprised or not. It didn’t sound like Myla was, but maybe that’s just because she wasn’t trying to make you feel any worse.

“What’s it about?”

“He doesn’t know what he wants to call it yet, but it’s about how when he wakes up in the morning and you're not there.” She whispered the ending, afraid of your response.

There was only one response echoing off the walls in your mind in that moment.

“I really love him, so much.”

“Nervous” was about everything you and Shawn were when you first met. There was a small get together happening at a local cafe for Easter Sunday, where friends were invited to hang out and have a peaceful brunch. You were mostly excited because you knew Shawn would be there, even though you both were never officially introduced. You had been asking about him, and it seems that he had been asking about you too.

You felt rain dripping down almost every crevice of your body once you were finally seated in your chair at the long and decorated table. You were grateful to find that no one had showed up yet, so you had some time to dry off. That time was cut short when you looked up to find Shawn Mendes walking through the front door. You were envious of the umbrella he held in his hand, allowing him to look as gorgeous as ever. He smiled once his eyes met yours, making you suddenly feel really lucky to be in the same room as him.

He came over and sat in the chair next to you wearing his regular black jeans and loose white floral t-shirt. You wished you didn’t look so awful, especially since you liked how you looked before the rain and clouds.

“Hey, I don’t think we’ve officially met. I’m Shawn.” His voice was soft and delicate.

“I’m (y/n) and it’s nice to finally meet you. I would shake your hand but I’m kind of a mess.” You tried pulling your wet curls behind your ears to make yourself more presentable.

“But a beautiful one.”

And for the first time in a long time, you believed it.

You hated yelling but you hated it a lot more when Shawn was doing it. It had only been two months since you first started officially dating, but six months since you first met. It was late when he got home that night but nonetheless you were still upset. He missed your date, without even a text to let you know. “Like To Be You (feat. Julia Michaels)” reminded you of the many differences between you and Shawn, and how those differences affected your relationship.

“Why are you three hours late, Shawn?” you whispered when he walked through the door. “You missed our date.”

When he closed the door and turned back towards you, he felt awful. He thought you looked beautiful even with the tears streaming down your cheeks and the messy knots in your hair.

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). I’ll go change right now and we can go.” Shawn turned quickly to the bedroom door, being stopped by (y/n)’s words.

“Do you even know what time it is?” you stood up taking off your shoes and coat, putting your purse on the coffee table.

“Uh, no I haven’t really looked.” he felt his throat closing up with guilt and his hands shaking with worry.

“It's eleven o’clock Shawn. Let me guess, you were at the bar for the last few hours totally forgetting about our plans? Not realizing that maybe having a few drinks with the guys could be skipped just for one fucking night to be with me?” you spoke in an oddly calm voice, that caused goosebumps to rise on his skin.

“What the fuck are you talking about? (Y/n), For the past two weeks, I haven’t spent time with anyone besides you! Look, I’m sorry about our date and all but you being upset with me for hanging out with my friends is bullshit.” His tongue was sharp and his tone was harsh as his guilt washed away with irritation.

“I’m just saying that this is at the very beginning of our relationship and if you can’t stay committed to your word then what am I doing here? By the way, I’m allowed to be angry with you for hanging out with your friends when it interferes with plans that you made with me.”

You could see the burning in his eyes and the words that were being held in his throat. You knew that look, and it meant he was going to yell which was your least favorite thing for him to do. Shawn was always such a soft soul but when it came to arguments his words became careless.

“What are you doing here? If you have to be asking yourself what you're doing in a relationship then maybe you shouldn’t be there at all. We are obviously very different people who can’t seem to agree on much, but I thought we could at least agree on why we’re here.” He basically screamed at you from across the room while his face turned red with hate.

He was right, why were you here?

Traveling was your most favorite thing to do, especially when it was to a place you had never been before. Shawn had told you earlier in the month that he had to go to Europe for a week-long event, so you decided that would be the perfect time to go to Japan. Midway through the bliss filled week, Shawn called to tell you he missed you dearly and that he was on his way to your hotel. Shawn wrote “Lost In Japan” just about that one day.

You tried to find your phone somewhere in the mess of your suitcase as you heard the ringing. You were worried that it might have been Shawn and you were about to miss his call. You picked it up to see his icon picture pop up along with the green button you pressed. Your face turned into a huge smile while pressing the phone against your ear.

“Hi love! I’ve missed your voice.” You giggled happily into the device basically jumping around the hotel room once you heard his laugh.

“Well, I’m going to be at your hotel door in about an hour so you shouldn’t be missing me too much longer.”

You immediately started to clean around the hotel room making sure everything was back into its place. You already felt slightly insecure by Shawn’s wealth, so having him stay with you in not only a small but also dirty room was far from appealing.

“Really? I can’t wait! I’m in room 324 just so you know.”

“Okay sounds great. Love you and I’ll see you soon.” he chuckled, having an edge to his voice.

Shawn had been saying I love you for the past week and you haven’t said it back yet. You not only weren’t sure if you loved him but you were also terrified of fully committing to him. By saying the three worded phrase that meant you were finally being vulnerable with him. Never in the past had that worked out so who said it was going to now?

“Uh, yeah! Bye.” You quickly hung up throwing your phone on your now nicely made bed. You knew you were breaking his heart, but you couldn’t allow him to break yours.

Shawn wrote “Particular Taste” about the six months of totally being obsessed with you, trying to track down your every move. You may have never planned on dating Shawn but man, did you love the chase. You were great at teasing him, and running away at just the right times to have him crumpling down to his knees for your mercy. He was crazy about you and you both knew it.

It was almost three in the morning when you were at Shawn’s listening to the quiet noises of the radio, while Shawn’s head was in your lap. He loved the feeling of your fingers in his hair, continuously twirling the thick curls. You were surprised to hear the tiny little snores that escaped his mouth while he wrapped his arms around your waist, secretly loving how his hands went under your shirt.

You had been doing a good job at not getting too close to Shawn, but you were also scared that you were totally leading him on. His heart was delicate and open while yours was cold with a thick brick wall surrounding it. For some reason though, looking down at him in your lap with rosy cheeks and pink lips, you felt your cold heart melt.

His eyes blinked open, immediately staring up at you with a small smile gracing his face.

“Hi there,” you joked. “I think it’s time you get some actual sleep.”

“What are you talking about? Your lap is perfectly suitable for my sleepy antics.” he snuggled his nose into your stomach, only holding onto you tighter.

In the middle of the meaningless banter, you heard the radio starting to play your favorite Kanye West song. You jumped up without a thought, dancing around the room without a care in the world. You didn’t like dancing but you loved this song, having your eyes closed swinging your arms around in happiness. That’s what it was, you realized. You were finally content and happy in that small moment.

You opened your eyes to see Shawn leaning his head against the arm of the couch, staring at your movements. You saw that he actually looked pretty happy as well. You stopped dancing, your body stilling as you stared right back into his eyes. You knew the butterflies in your stomach were real, as were the beats in your chest.

“God, you’re perfect.” he told you.

When the news broke to your family that Shawn and you were over, they were heartbroken to say the least. They loved him, no, they worshiped him, especially your little sister who was only nine years old. Your Mom constantly asked if you had found someone new and your Dad endlessly pestered you about losing the one good guy in your life. You felt lost and broken, only wanting this nightmare to be over. The song “Because I Had You” showed that Shawn was going through a similar time in his life.

The suitcase by your side, messy hair and careless outfit should’ve shown that your life was a mess if the tears already didn’t. It seemed like all you did recently was cry about everything. You opened the door to your old home, the one where you grew up and became the person you were today. You saw your Mom and Dad sitting on the couch, relaxing together and watching the television.

Their stare averted to you, having sad smiles on their face seeing the state that you were in. You shared their smile while you walked up the stairs towards your bedroom that you now had to share with your little sister. Your parents had turned your old bedroom into a home office once you moved out for college, which at the time you thought would be a good thing until now.

No, now you had to face your little sister and tell her that you and Shawn were over. That she was never going to make cupcakes with him, or have him teach her the guitar again. She told you time after time, not to let him go. You really wish you had listened.

You pushed the door open seeing her cute self, sitting on her bed painting her nails. You tried to remember how adorable and happy she looked relaxing there, knowing that in five minutes tops her emotions would be the opposite.

“Hi Samantha! I missed you.” you jogged across the room, giving her a tighter hug than usual.

“(y/n), can I call Shawn? I really need to ask him about a song I’m trying to learn on the guitar.” she naively begged you, reaching for the phone in your hand.

“I’m sorry Sam but you can’t right now. I actually need to talk to you.”

What were you going to say? How could you break the news without shattering her world into a million pieces.

“Oh okay, what about?” she looked back down to her toenails, finishing up the second coat.

“I, uh, well, me and Shawn are no longer together. We broke up about a month and a half ago. I’m really sorry, I kn-”

“I can’t believe you! He was it for you, (y/n). He was the one and you ruined it because you’re just scared of commitment.” Her eyes were wide and wet, showing her emotions were wild.

“I know I ruined it Sam. There are plenty of things that I wish I could change but it’s over and done now. I’m so sorry but there’s nothing I can do.” You waited for some type of response but there were now only blank stares and a quiet silence.

“I’m just going to go warm up some food from downstairs, okay? When I come back maybe we can talk more about it, yeah?”

Sam nodded her head in response, now knowing that you just lost the one love that was something real to you.

When you and Shawn first kissed it was a moment that you hoped to never forget. It was just before you had first got together, while he was playing a song on the guitar for you. It was an old song from one of his past albums, when you had the pleasure of having a front row seat to a private Shawn Mendes concert. You had never heard him play live and it was a long time coming. “Why” reminded you of that day, the day that caused months of love and inevitable heartbreak.

You had never played the guitar before but you could only imagine Shawn was the best at it. His calloused fingers showed hard work and dedication while his voice showed beauty and talent. When you walked into his apartment and heard his guitar playing from his patio, you were excited to finally hear his music from him. You opened the glass door, closing it behind you as you sat down next to him. He turned his face towards you, just then realizing how close he was.

You looked out to his beautiful view of the city, feeling that crisp evening air brushing against your face. Goosebumps grazed your shoulders and legs, Shawn quickly taking notice of your shivering. He placed a nearby blanket over you, softly rubbing your arms trying to warm you up quicker.

“Can you play me something? I’ve never heard you sing in person.” you told him, wrapping the blanket around you tighter.

“I would love to, which song?”

“Any song.”

He softly started to pick the strings of the instrument, while you recognized your favorite song of his. “Three Empty Words” held a strong meaning in your heart, because of how every past relationship of yours ended in meaningless I love you's.

As the song continued, the more your chest tightened with want and need. You wanted to kiss Shawn so badly, even if it was the worst decision you could make. You needed to feel him or touch him in some way that would actually satisfy your desire.

Once he finished the song and put the guitar down, you grabbed his face in your hands pulling his lips to yours. His hands eagerly wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his lap. You never had tasted lips like his before. You never had been touched like this before. Hell, you’ve never felt like this before.

His tongue pressed against your closed lips, begging for entrance. You welcomed him in, pushing your hands up into his wild, untamed curls. It could’ve been the coldness dancing in the air or the bright Moon gleaming in the sky, but you swore you would have kissed him forever if God let you.

May 22, 2017 was a heartbreaking day for everyone, including you and Shawn. “Youth (feat. Khalid)” reminded you of the bombs and screams that went off on the television that evening. You were in shock seeing the people fleeing from the concert as the worst day of their lives was marked.

Shattered glass surrounded your feet, quiet pants of surprise whispered into the air and desperate wishes of hope was all you now knew. You were standing in the doorway of the living room, bringing Shawn his nicely requested water when you heard the television.

You had met Ariana once at a small party of Shawn’s but never did you expect her life to take such a drastic turn. Then again, these things can never be expected or planned for, but only wished to never be experienced.

Shawn jumped up after he heard the glass shatter, quickly walking to the kitchen to wipe up the mess before you hurt yourself. Somewhere in you, there was a sliver of hope in your chest that you would cut your foot open on the glass, since nothing could be compared to the pain each victim was feeling. You felt like every single thing you had ever cried over was ridiculous, because you should have been instead grateful that it at least wasn’t a terrorist attack.

Shawn bent down in front of you wiping away each chip of glass, trying to focus on the mess instead of the television. He wanted to scream and shout and even kill whoever was behind the awful occurrence. He wanted to hate the world.

“I hate whoever did that. I wish they were dead.” Shawn whispered at your feet, with a face of steel.

“Don’t let this turn you into a hateful person, love. You’re better than that.” You pressed your hands into his shoulders beneath you, hoping to release the building tension in his body.

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“Queen” was about a bright morning breakfast get together that was supposed to be fun and light but turned sad and upsetting. You were really excited to get out of the house and wear your new white dress, but it wouldn’t really matter anymore what you were wearing once you saw Shawn enter the room. You weren’t proud of how you acted that morning and obviously Shawn wasn’t either.

“Oh hi (y/n), you showed up! We didn’t think you could make it.” Your few friends said as you sat down, joining them at the table.

“I decided it would be good for me to get out of the house. So is everyone here?” your question caused some people to have a look of surprise and some to be in a state of anguish.

You didn’t understand what was so worrying to them all about your presence, well, not until you looked to the front door. There he was in all his glory, wearing your favorite black jeans but a shirt that you did not recognize. Your heart clenched to realize that you no longer knew what every shirt of his looked like, or shoe or accessory. His curls were longer than you remembered, and you noticed how his facial hair was actually visible for once.

You needed to leave because within ten seconds you knew there would be tears and with no rebound rate.

“I’m so sorry but I have to go. I-I’m so sorry.” you softly murmured, jumping off your chair, haphazardly throwing your purse over your shoulder.

The first tear fell when you started your way to the door. Quick footsteps seemed to be working, right until his hand wrapped around your forearm. Nope, this can’t happen. You refused to cry in public let alone in front of him. Even with these thoughts swimming in your mind, you decided to stupidly just stand there in front of him.

The second tear fell when you looked up into his eyes. Your chin was wobbling and your eyes were rapidly blinking.

“Hi.” he whispered to you with a soft tone but a straight face.

“Please let go. I can’t do this.” you begged him, basically ripping your arm out of his grip, stumbling out of the front door with not even so much as a goodbye.

Every other tear you had, fell once you reached your car, loud sobs leaving your mouth. You missed him so bad.

You and Shawn didn’t seem like you were meant for each other during the end. There were one too many fights, one too many lonely nights, but only one heartbreaking moment where you both knew this wasn’t going to work out. You may have each ignored that one significant moment but it happened and it infinitely rang in your head. “Perfectly Wrong” was that moment.

You were sitting on the couch and Shawn was sitting on his bed. Both of you were in separate rooms on opposite sides of the house but it still didn’t seem far enough. You wanted to hate him, loathe him, but you couldn’t. You knew that and he knew that. These fights weren’t new so neither were these feelings.

This was getting close to the end, not because you didn’t want to do it anymore but because there weren’t any glasses left in the cabinet to throw. There weren’t any shirts in the closet to rip or any more hearts to break. The only thing left to do was sleep.

You stood up and walked to the bedroom, opening up the door and shuffling to your side of the bed. The blanket may have been warm and welcoming but nothing compared to the urge you had to drop into Shawn’s chest and sleep. He looked over to you and nodded slightly. You slid over and laid your head on his chest soon welcoming the sobs from your throat.

“I’m so sorry.” You cried to him, as he kissed your forehead repeatedly.

“I’m sorry too. You know I love you right?”

“Yeah.”

Love was a difficult subject for you both, since he told you he loved you everyday and you have yet to say it once. You lied there in his arms, holding him like he was going to disappear any second. You then realized in that moment, he was going to leave and so were you. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow but soon. This relationship was burning down rapidly, so quick that you were worried you wouldn’t even get to say goodbye.

In the beginning of your burning romance with Shawn, you were having a hard time committing to him. No, not in the way of finding someone else, but in the way of accepting your feelings for the man. When he asked you out on a first date, you were nervous. To be honest, you were surprised there even was a first date, since it seemed like you were both official after the shared one night stand. He wasn’t completely confident that you felt the same way he did, and that’s how “Mutual” was born.

Come on (y/n), just open the door and walk in. It was your mantra at that moment, because on the other side of the restaurant door, Shawn was sitting at a table somewhere waiting for you. The idea of seeing Shawn was exhilarating, but the idea of fully putting yourself out there was nerve wracking.

You finally opened the thick brown door, immediately seeing him at a small table with a bouquet of white tulips, which were your favorites. He stood up when he saw you, giving you a small hug and a peck on the cheek.

He looked handsome in, of course his black jeans, and a white button down shirt. His hair was just the right amount of floppy and curly to look perfect. His eyes seemed brighter than usual, which brought a smile to your lips.

“You look beautiful.” Shawn told you, pulling out your chair for you.

“Thank you, you do too.”

He kind of just stared at you for a moment, getting lost in your beauty. He swore you were prettier than anyone he’s ever seen.

“Did you order already? The menu looks delicious.” you asked, while looking down at the list of options.

“No, I wanted to wait for you. Didn’t want to seem rude.” he stared down at the menu as well, trying to comprehend what any of the words were telling him.

“Well let's order then.”

Once the waitress took your orders, also taking your menus, you had nothing left to stare at but him. You were shitting your pants for lack of a better word. Your knees were bouncing up and down, and your nails were tapping the table quite loudly.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m nervous too.” He took your hand in his. “We’ve been best friends for six months, I think we can handle a first date.”

“Yeah, I’m just scared that I’ll lose you if we don’t work out.” You bluntly stated, not really worrying anymore about hiding your thoughts.

“Losing you’s not an option for me, so I don’t think you need to worry about that.” He was confident in his words at that moment. His eyes shone brighter than the sun, while his gaze was loving and pure. You really hoped he was right.

You felt like you just woke up from a long bittersweet dream, once the last song started. You listened to the words intently, trying to find the memory in the lyrics. None came to mind though, because it wasn’t a memory he was relaying but instead a message to you.

“Maybe I had too many drinks

But that's just what I needed

I hope that you don't think that what I'm saying. sounds conceited

When I look across the room, and you're staring right back at me

Like somebody told a joke and we're the only ones laughin'”

You grabbed your keys, sprinting out the door, not even locking it on your way out. You needed to be somewhere right now that wasn’t your home but someone else's. You were sure you were going nuts, totally and completely crazy but it was a lot better than being sad. For the first time in five months, you felt like things could be okay. That there was a chance at happiness.

“Don't know why I tried

'Cause ain't nobody like you

Familiar disappointment every single time I do

Every single night my arms are not around you

My mind's still wrapped around you”

You slammed your car door shut, running quickly up the walkway to his apartment. You could feel the blood pumping in your heart and the nerves dancing around your stomach. You were ready, finally ready to admit your love for him. You felt so ridiculous for every argument, every absent “I love you”, and every day without him in your bed.

“Baby, tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'

Baby, any time you're ready

I'm waitin'”

Now you stood in front of his door that you haven’t seen in five months. You realize that it was a different color, and the old lettering was now replaced with shiny, new ones. You knocked a few times, backing up, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. What if he didn’t love you, what if every song was about someone else, what if you were wrong.

“Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin'”

Shawn opened the door, surprised to see you before him. He saw the tears in your eyes, and the hair falling in front of your face. He noticed your dirty sweatpants, and huge sweatshirt. He wished that you were wearing his sweatshirt.

You felt your heart leap when he opened the door. He was wearing an old black t-shirt, with big stained basketball shorts. You wanted to hug him and kiss him, but you couldn’t. That wasn’t your job anymore.

“What if my dad is right

When he says that you're the one

No, I can't even argue

I won't even fight him on it

Call you when it's late

And I know that you're in bed

'Cause I'm three hours back

Seems like you're always six ahead”

There were lots of things you wanted to say to him.

“I love you and I never thought I would have the chance to tell you that but tonight I bought your album and I played it on the record player just like you taught me and I cried a lot. All these memories flashed in my head and I missed you and I thought your songs were perfect so I came here to tell you I love you.” You rambled, knowing that almost nothing you said made sense. “I know I’m not making sense but I want you. I’m ready for you and this relationship and if you don’t feel the same way then I’ll go home. I’ll try to get over it and I’ll try to finally throw away your things and maybe go out on a date even if I don’t like them. At this point though I don’t think any of that‘s going to work anymore.”

He was crying at your words since this was all he ever wanted to hear from you.

“And if I have to, I'll wait forever

Say the word and I'll change my plans

Yeah, you know that we fit together

I know your heart like the back of my hand”

“Can we just start over, and do everything the opposite of last time?” he asked you, trying to wipe off tears.

“Yes, please.”

You put your hand out for his to shake, as he put his in yours.

“I’m (y/n). ”

“I’m Shawn, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Even ten years from now

If you haven't found somebody

I promise, I'll be around

Tell me when you're ready

I'm waitin', I'm waitin'”

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