#like yeah ik he sucks but like i would too if my uncle was also my secret dad and had just been taken prisoner by enemy soldiers

[doobydoobydoowau]

my enemy

[theficblog]

you did jisung so dirty 😭 but lemme add on some more details to your GENIUS ONES

So like jisung is my little brother who occasionally facetimes me and sends stupid updates back at home and he's also very sus about the school and is the only reason i know about its whole secret society thing back before it was even remade into an academy cause he's all like "a place that big is bound to have secrets, you're just too dumb to dig them out noona"

And BRO LITERATURE CLUB MARK MAKES ME SCREAM LIKE BRO it just adds up right? Likenwe'd be in the same club and even share most of our lessons so being roommates is just working out so well for us?? I mean sure,there's a lot of boundaries set cause of gender stuff and mark can be a bit edgy sometimes but he's sweet and extremely hot understanding so its really no big issue and we even have some specific activities on different days like movie mondays where we both choose on a movie to watch and rate it as honestly as possible and then we have take-out thursdays where we share our favorite takeouts with eachother and even hold study saturdays lmao

And goddd ATHELETE JENO 🤤😭 please add more to this along with Jaemin's too thats ur part of the story now lmaoo

Also yes,u and chenle can be roomies

ash took her man and legit went "those guys are your part of the story" 😭😭😭 also thanks for the permission regarding chenle 💖

first off i love your brain 🙇‍♀️

mark and you seem like meant to be, already you guys have similar interests and classes to take and roomies too, there is every possible scenario of falling in love, but like mark would be the oblivious one and you'd be the sassy one, yk, the campus is like "yeah who you lying to we know already" or like to the extent the professors team you up for projects, knowingly.

jisung would exactly be that and next year when he's a fresher he's paranoid and sneaks out of the dorm at 3 am on the third sunday tapping the door three times or things he's seen in the movies type

jeno has girls and boys thirsting over him all the time but then a disadvantage is he sucks at studies so he's close to you since you help him, mostly cos it can guarantee you easy and free party tickets and stuff, he has his standards very high or is committed. only looks like a fuckboy is actually a nice kid,

jaemin might be rich but the good type, like he has his house not too far away so on weekends he visiting his family, ik he doesnt have siblings so like a lot of his younger uncles/aunts/cousins were notable alumnis of the same college. he could probably take over his dad's business but then he wants to make his own name. your mother approves of this man.

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

A don't care xD the high five <3

Hey at least they're happy for her!

Nahh you'll still be overlooked xd

MR. JOHNSON 💀 XDD

Aww cupcakes :D

"To match my Willard R. Abbott shirt" me: *pauses immediately* Jacob WHY

(tbh like jacobwhyy)

Okay good we love that xD

Rasheed 💀

Why does she enunciate her name so much. .

Ayy!! Girl I hope you prepared something xd

Girl why are you so short xD

Like that podium just does not help you I'm not gonna trying to be mean lovely xd

XD thanking for her laughing lol

Don't worry Janine it was a good pun xD I think I laughed idk it's been like a minute now

Thanking him lol

Crawled xD

OPE o.o

Ahh it's a concerted effort too xd

SLFJHFKS zipping up the short xD

"Now we know what the R stands for" SLFJGHSKDKHS HELP XD 💀

Yes Barbara exactly xD

That's lowkey a good acronym

Ahh yeah that is not good o.o

Don't blame yourself Jacob you're one guy lol

Just know it now yk xd

Yeah rewriting history :/

Seriously though could no one have found out somehow out of y'all xD

Joan o.o :'O

Not sure on the women Janine xD?

"My Uncle Franklin" xDD "A lot of eggs in that Franklin basket" xD

Yeesh that's a long time 😬 tracks but yk

I mean guys sometimes you gotta let it go xd it sucks ik but like

Ayy yeah the kids got pizza :D xD!

Well I mean it would be worse to go through with it xd

Lol are they seriously gonna come up with another xD

"I can do that" "Janine can do that" XD Ava I love you lol

"So racism's a laughing matter?" 💀 iconic xD

Nice play y'all lol

What now

Oh apocalypse xD

Ahh is that why we're gonna have a librarian episode next too xD

SLFKGSHFDKLS "Go help her, what if she needs to reach a book on the middle shelf" THE WAY THEY RUN XDD

Hey nice grab one :D

SLFDK did it flood?

SLFJGHSL YUP

Aww ay slay :D

Lol the little "okay trailblazing"

The book smelling bad xD

Ayy yes the librarian program!

Oop she didn't tell :o

It's the little things :'/

Bye Jacobbb

SLFJFHKS JACOB

Sir you might be too invested but I'm 100% okay with it xD

And not him doing that just to give them some time alone 💀 icon lol

The dirt joke xD slay lol

No that would be iconic

Yes library program :))) we love libraries

"And taking names" lol

Oh I thought he said pen for a second LOL xD

Also that is slay :D

And AAAHHHHHHH THAT SCENE WAS SO CUTE S T O P I LOVE THEM SO MUCH 😭😭❤️❤️❤️

Yeah you can't go around saying that randomly lol

Ohhh okay chill!

YOO okay a nice one :O

Direct descendant alright 👀👀

I mean you don't even have to lie just say you're changing it to that in light of finding out the details lol

AWW JACOB'S LITTLE LEG SHAKE

Sorry (not sorry) y'all I love him <333

YOOO DENOUNCING HIS GREAT ETC GRANFATHER'S RACIST VIEWS!!

That's perfect :D

I mean we're 13 minutes in so we'll see but xD

SLAY y'all :DD!!!

[sporadic-writer]

Welcome to the Neighborhood pt. 2

Note: ok so I know that not all of the boys, meaning both twins, live with the others. And I know my update schedule sucks but I go in a block and funk. Sorry guys. I just want you to read something I would read and truly enjoy. Also, I think I may make this a Haz fic bc ones about hin deserves more love and notes.

No one really reads these but I also think I'll write this for Harrison bc when Tom posted the pic of Nadia, it shattered the illusion in my head lol and it feels weird to a certain extent to write when he is most likely dating her. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for him and he doesn't know I exist, but it feels odd idk. So im pausing on Tom stuff atm lol. Harrison is single as far as publicly that ik so thats that 😅

Pairing: Harrison x Reader (most likely)

Warnings: mentions of weed, alcohol, and swearing. I enjoy all these things responsibly and ik im not the only one. As always stop reading if you dont like something.

Part 1 here initial teaser here (got around 100 notes soo 😎 check that out)

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

“Alrighty boys. That’s enough about me, tell me about yourselves. I only know this one from the big screen and that 2 of you are brothers.” You gestured to Tom as you spoke about him. “And from basic eavesdropping I gather you are all very close.” 

Tom smiled, “Actually I’m a brother to the twins, older obviously.” It was fun having a celeb lounging in your hot tub, drinking a beer with you. “But yeah I am an actor, Spider-Man as you probably know. Harrison’s an actor too!”

“Oh my god you are! I watched Catch-22 on Hulu! Comedy my ass..! I balled my eyes out several times.” He had the nerve to laugh in response. “Don’t laugh! That shit got intense quick. Then the shot where you all are swimming? Killed me. I don't know how I didn't notice you. Sorry!”

“Did you at least like it?” He smiled and asked hopefully. When you nodded yes he beamed! “Well then that’s all that matters. I will say an American accent is hard.”

You brought your beer up to your lips. “Yeah because your guys’ accent is so easy. You make fun of how different areas in America have different accents but it’s the same here!” They nodded in agreement at your words. You leaned your head back a tad and enjoyed the warm water. “Southern accents have different twangs bepending on the area, I have family that lives closer to New England, that's something all in its own. Just like here. You got London, Wales, some place called Essex and other places more north of here. It's not just the US." You reached over for your joint to finish it amongst the bubbles. "Now for real. Tell me about yourselves. Harrison you start I guess."

"Why me?"

"Shorter wikipedia page." You smirk as you re-lit your herb. The guys laughed and made 'ooh' noises to tease. "I'm kidding! Relax a touch. I just picked your name because you are right in front of me."

"Well I've known this lot since we were all kids. Tom and I went to school together and we have been stuck with each other since. I was his personal assistant for a while too." You listened as he spoke. Sweat was building up on his face from the hot tub. It added a nice shine to his, and everyone's faces. In order to avoid makeup running everywhere you sat up as you listened to him. You watched his eyes watch your movements as you took a hit and slowly exhaled. Almost like he was relaxing from watching someone relax from getting high without actually doing so. He kept going and you realized you zoned out a tad. "And then I wanted to do more than just model so I did more auditions and Catch-22 became my biggest so far."

You nodded, noting you heard and were listening. "That's cool and all but tell me like favorite song, movie, animal! Hahaha it isn't everyday famous people are in my hot tub. I'm going to savor this first encounter!" He smiled and answered your sort of questions. You offered the joint around before it finished. Tom passed, Tuwaine and Harrison took quick hits though. "But yeah that is me. Now someone else go so I don't have the spot light on me anymore." He looked at you as he said that and handed you the last bit. You winked in thanks, and to flirt lightly. (Shoot your shot right?) "Same questions to you love."

You responded your favorite song, movie, and color to him. "Yeah I like a bit of everything. But funny movies are my favorite. Obviously I like Marvel too Tom don't worry. Same goes for music but my preference ranges from new pop to older rock. I grew up on 80s alternative pop stuff." You smiled at him and he beamed in pride at the brand he represented. "Ok Sam you now."

Sam starts talking about his life and Harrison goes to grab more drinks. At this point the sun as almost finished setting and you tell the blonde how to turn the deck lights on. Soon the rows of edison bulbs flick on and a lovely mood is set. The glow isn't too bright and adds a nice light to your summer tanned skin. What you don't know is that the gentlemen appreciated the glow as well. However, they are too polite to say anything too bold after just meeting you.

If you could read minds or be sober enough to detect a certain lack of subtlety you would pick up on how the single men checked you out as you got out of the tub to get rid of the roach. Polite of course, 20 something men are going to appreciate a beautiful American girl right in front of them.

And if they could read your mind they would hear how you were taking in Tom and Harrison's jaw lines and toned muscles. How you appreciated Tuwaine's smile and height. Then add the twin's curls and freckles to the list and they'd think you were picking them like boys from a catalogue. Despite the slight oggling on your part, your eyes always wandered back to the blonde hair blue eyed boy the most. He seemed a little more laid back then Tom. Probably just because one was working more than the other, but that was just initial vibes you got. Regardless of vain appearance choices and vibe preference, all these boys were wonderful and you were just lucky enough your uncle's hot tub fit them all nicely.

Tuwaine smiled cheekily and spoke up. "Alright, we all have fresh drinks and proper buzzes. Let's make it fun and play a game. So Y/N, you went to college in the states, give us a classic drinking game and show us what you got."

"Ha! I don't know what you're looking for but I assume never have I ever is universal? You can't play kings or flip cup in a hit tub. Hold up 5 fingers, put them down if you've done said thing, drink as well."

"No fingers, just play till we are right pissed." Harry grinned and everyone else went along with it. "I will start. Never have I ever- wait this a normal game or sexy version?"

You said you didn't care and Tom said what the hell, so he continued. "Never have I ever gotten walked in on during a scandelous activity." Tom and Harrison both drank and groaned saying they have both walked in on each other at some point in life. Tuwaine continued.

"Never have I ever fooled around while someone else is in the room." There was a pause and no one drank. But then you rose your beer to your lips and they all looked at you in a manner of surprise and demand for explination.

Shrugging you said, "Old drunken hookup in school. We didn't know his roommate was in his top bunk asleep until it was too late. The mistake we made was keeping on going when we thought we heard him, because we did..."

"Wow Y/N. Learning a lot about the neighbor girl right away!"

"Shut up this game was your idea!" You laughed as you spoke in response to his teasing. "But whatever it's my turn now anyway. Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person." That got all but Harrison and you felt proud for getting them. "Alright so you are either morons or were in a rush to send that sext."

Tom defended himself saying her name was Sam and it was instant regret the second he realized.

Sam glared at him and said, "Yeah no one enjoyed that bro. I'm still shaken up about it."

"Get over yourself it was like 5 years ago! And you accidentally sent your friend Jake one, so pot, kettle, hi both black."

"It was detailed!"

You just sat there amused taking this all in. "I am so glad this happened tonight." You said more to yourself than them.

"Darling if this ends up in the tabloids we will never speak again." They were teasing with the threat. "But come on this is good let's keep going. Never have I ever done it in a car." You, Sam, and Tuwaine all drank and giggled.

The game continued on and another round of drinks were had. You learned Tuwaine had said the wrong name in bed. Also, that both Harry and Harrison have fooled around during family functions. In return they learned that you've hooked up in a college classroom and in a restaurant bathroom. That ended up getting you and your former boyfriend kicked out of the establishment. Towards the final round all were getting sleepier but still in a good mood.

"Never have I ever had sex high." Harrison challenged the group. No one drank. "Wait really? Thought I'd get you with that. Finish your beer and all." He looked at you as he spoke.

"Nope. Just never happened now that I've thought about it. Huh. You'd think right? But nope. Not that I'm opposed." You ended your statement by glancing his way while finishing your beer anyway. Harrison just watched the way your neck moved as you tilted your head back. "Ok boys this was fun but I am gettin tired."

Tom nodded. "Same here. Thank you for having us darling, it was fun!" The others spoke in agreement and you smiled at them saying they were welcomed back anytime. They offered to help clean but you grabbed the remaining bottles and told them you were good. After final goodbyes, you told them to not he strangers, you were all in your respective homes.

You went to bed pretty quick. Next door, at their place Tom, Harrison, and Sam lingered to get some water before bed. "She was really cool." Sam said while sipping water.

Harrison hummed in agreement. "Yeah I think so too. Very chill and all that."

Sam smirked and playfully said, "You just think she's fit mate." There was a pause.

"Well she is." It was Tom who said that and the others looked at him in playful shock. "What I'm not blind! She is! She's isn't some shy girl freaking out over us. She's cheeky and just seems normal about us living next to her. More Harrison's type though I'd say."

Sam laughed. "Yeah he always liked the classic American 'girl next door' type. Just a bonus she is actually American this time." They paused for Harrison to negate their statements but he just sipped his water and looked at them with a glint in his eyes. "Told you." Sam said as he took a sip. "She is better than half the models either of you bring back. Nuerons fire and she can keep a conversation. Not that all models are like that! But come on you went out with some stereotypes." Neither could disagree. Sometimes you just want to have a date with the beautiful face. Long term needs substance though, and both Tom and Harrison thought you had it all.

"We need to invite her over tomorrow, and any time she's free." Groundwork was to be established and Harrison was determined to get to know you more.

°•○•°○°•○•°○°•○•°

As always, like and reblog! I hope you like it! Also if i forget to tag someone lmk, same if you wanna be tagged or not tagged. Feedback and notes are appreciated but be nice haha I edit as best I can. Thanks for reading and enjoying.

Tags: @jillanaholland @averyfosterthoughts @sarah-m-limelight-2007 @astridcommings

[talkfastromance4]

I’m not really a fan of children, I don’t like the idea of being pregnant and then raising children. im just not very maternal I guess and my family dynamic I guess didn’t really help. which ik also sucks cause that can affect relationships and ik the guys are interested in having kids cause they’ve said in interviews. so idk calum finding out about this and how he’d react

first off, i want to make sure that you do not feel bad about not wanting children. That is totally okay to not want children, but I’m sorry to hear about your family dynamic :( since this is all fantasy, it will be angsty but will have a happy ending for you i hope you like it❤💕

donate to my ko-fi here :) –for a trip to disney world I’m going on in March!

• • • •

You were nervous. No, nervous wasn’t the right word. You were terrified to have this conversation with Calum. You’d been dating for about ten months now and you can tell things were getting serious. But with all his friends having babies now you felt your nagging conscience creep up your neck screaming to tell Calum that you don’t want kids. That you never wanted kids and that won’t be changing anytime soon.

Your mind raced as you waited for him to come home from the studio. Would he hate you? Would he break up with you right then and there? 

Your palms are sweaty as you hear the garage door and the slam of his car door, then he’s bursting through the door already talking your ear off about how it was a fantastic studio day.

You tried to listen and react the way you were supposed to, but you couldn’t concentrate because your mind was was having troubling thoughts.

“Hey, you okay?” He asks putting a firm hold on your shoulder. 

His touch zeros you in on him, his dark brows furrowed in worry. Your mouth is dry and you freeze. 

“I don’t want kids,” you blurt then cover your mouth in shock.

You didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. You had a plan to sit him down, you had a whole speech and now you just blurt it out? He’s going to think you’re horrible. That you were stringing him along.

He stares at you in shock and you run away from him to the bathroom. You close the door and sit on the toilet crying into your hands, your body shaking in fear and embarrassment. 

There’s a soft knock on the door and then Calum steps in. He pulls up the small stool so he can sit in front of you and pulls your hands from your face.

“Talk to me, sweetheart,” he implores gently. His brown eyes are soft and kind and it makes you feel worse.

You take long deep breaths until you’re calmed down a little and confess what’s on your heart.

“I didn’t mean to blurt it out like that. I’ve been freaking out about how to bring it up for weeks and I love you so much Calum and I want to be with you for a long time but I know you want kids and I just . . . I don’t. My family was slim to none, it shouldn’t have even been called a family. And I know you want kids but I--I don’t and that won’t change. I’m so sorry.”

He’s silent as he grabs a kleenex and dries your tears from your cheeks. He takes both of your hands in his.

“Look at me,” he says softly and your force your eyes to his. “That’s okay that you don’t want kids. I feel awful that this has been such a weight on you, and I love kids, yeah, but I love you more. I’ll be fun uncle Cal,” he grins and kisses your knuckles. “We’ll get a ton of dogs and those will be our kids.”

“Cal, you don’t have to say all this to make me feel better,” you sigh, “I know you want kids and you should be with a girl who wants them, too.”

“One problem with that though, that girl won’t be you. Y/N, I’m not saying this to make you feel better. We’ve never talked about kids but I do want a future with you. If you do change your mind further down the road, great, but if not, then I’ll still have you and that’s all I want. I want you,” he squeezes your hands in conviction.

“You do?”

“Yes, sill girl,” he smiles wistfully. “I’m in love with you.”

He pulls you in for a hug and continues to soothe you as you cry into his shoulder. You’ve never loved him more.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos @wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash  @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[honeyparker]

father’s day — p.p.

summary: “hey, dad. hey, uncle ben. happy father’s day, i miss you.”

a/n: damn 3 in 3 days we’re just pumping the fics out. ik it isnt a request but it’s father’s day, so i had to. leggo. also this is based off a tweet but someone did it w tony !

masterlist

Father’s Day is for love and appreciation. It’s for happiness and telling your family you love them, specifically your father. Perhaps it’s meant to be like that, not created to cause harm to those suffering. It’s an innocent idea, really. It’s meant to honor the men in your life who love you.

And in truth, Peter Parker used to love Father’s Day. A whole day where Peter could latch onto his father without complaint, following him everywhere and climbing on his shoulders. It was always a happy day. A happy day until, all of a sudden, it wasn’t.

He remembers his first Father’s day after his dad had passed, spent crying the holiday away in the confinements of his room. He’s young then, new to the small apartment that’s to become his home. His brain scans the last moments with Richard Parker — dropping a stubby four year old at his Aunt and Uncle’s as his parents take a vacation. They don’t come back.

He remembers his first Father’s Day celebrating Ben, who’s turned into a father figure over the years. He took Peter to little league baseball games and ice-cream stands. He picked him up from school and helped him with his homework. So, Peter had taken it upon himself to buy a present for Ben this Father’s Day, a new wallet bought with his allowance. Peter remembers Ben’s grateful smile and he remembers hugging him so tight he has to let go to breathe.

It’s gone. Ben is gone and Richard is gone and Father’s Day is just a day to mourn.

Peter wakes up Sunday expecting his legs to be entangled with yours. Instead, he’s met with an empty bed and noise in the kitchen. He slowly begins to rise, numb and emotionless as he heads to the kitchen.

“Hey, bub, there’s mail for you,” you point to the counter where two piles of mail have been formed — one for May and one for Peter. “I made some tea for you.”

“Thanks,” Peter mutters as he presses a kiss to your cheek before shuffling to the counter to sort his mail.

And there, sandwiched in the middle of many white envelopes, a bigger yellow one with the words Massachusetts Institute of Technology written on the front.

“Anything interesting?”

“Yeah, actually. I,” he pauses for a minute. “I think this is my MIT rejection or acceptance letter.”

“What?” you set down your mug excitedly and run over to him.

“Shh, May’s sleeping.”

Your voice becomes a whisper. “Sorry, bub. Open it!”

Peter looks helpless in that moment. His hair is tousled and his eyes, filled with pain, fear, and sadness. His plaid pajama pants stop right above his cat slippers — a gag gift from you — and his t shirt is wrinkled. He looks so utterly tired and unlike himself, it knocks the air out of you. “I can’t,” he whispers. “You do it, I can’t.” He shoves the envelope towards you.

“This, this is big, sunshine. I think you should do it.”

“Please?” And you can’t resist.

You tear it open slowly. “Dear Mr. Parker, blah, blah, blah… We are honored,” a smile laces your voice. “To offer you admission for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology class of 2023… Peter, you did it! You got in.”

There are tears in both of your eyes and for a minute everything is fine. For a minute he's hugging you so tightly and your both just smiling and your hands are around his neck and his are around you waist. There is no Father’s Day for a minute.

But feet must leave the stars and touch the ground once again. Your heads cannot live in the stars forever. “Let’s, let’s go wake up May and tell her and then we can go tell your dad and Ben, alright?” You say as you carefully entangle your hands in his hair. “You go tell May, and I’ll grab our shoes, alright, baby?”

After May screaming in excitement for a while, your find Peter’s hand on your thigh as you drive to Queens Burial Center. It’s a small little graveyard, quaint and quite empty. “I’ll wait in the car for you, alright?”

You’ve never seen Peter so broken. You’ve never heard his voice so soft and quiet and helpless. “No, you, you come. Please?” You nod.

Peter holds your hand the entire walk. He seems to know every corner of this dreaded place, navigating his way through tombstones to reach the two you've been looking for. He sinks to the ground when he finds them.

“Hey, Dad. Hey, Uncle Ben. Happy Father’s Day, I miss you. I just came to talk a little bit, and I wanted you to meet Y/N. Also, uh, to tell you — I got into MIT. I did it. I’m gonna study there, I think. It’s been my dream for a long time but it’s a long ways from you two, mom, May, and Y/N. I don’t know. I just, I,” He pauses for a minute to wipe his tears and suck in a breath. His voice cracks with every word and you have no idea what to do. “I miss you so much. And I know that selfish of me, I’ve got so many people, but is it so bad for a boy to want his dad and uncle? I don’t know. Maybe I’m selfish… Mr. Stark says I’ve been doing great as Spider-Man.

It’s hard. I do it for you. I hope you'd be proud of me, I hope you'd approve of what I’m doing. I love you. Happy Father’s Day.” He stands up shakily, tears streaking his face and his eyes a bloodshot red. His cheeks are puffy.

“Love, you wanna wait in the car? I just wanna say something,” you whisper. He leaves you with a kiss.

“Hi, Mr. Parker, Mr. Parker, as well. I’m Y/N. I’m, I’m Peter’s girlfriend. I just wanted to thank you. For raising such a beautiful and loving boy. He’s so incredible smart and passionate, and I just know you’d be proud of him. Anyone would be. He’s — he’s amazing. And he really, really loves you. He tells me all these beautiful stories of when he was a kid and it just blows me away because I know you loved him, as well.

It’s hard for him, most of the time. It’s been years but he still stays up at night. He still cries about it, not that I blame him, and I just had to meet you. He’s going to his dream college, all that work, all that work to make you two proud. Thank you for loving him, and allowing me to do the same.”

You didn’t notice Peter had stayed. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Peter. And I know they do, too. They’re so proud of you, I’m so proud of you. You can be everything you’ve ever wanted to be. You are a hero. You are so intelligent and pure. So full of love, it amazes me everyday. There’s nothing harder than to be loving in the face of tragedy.”

And Peter Parker is crying. Maybe he’ll always hate Father’s Day. Maybe it’ll always pain him. Maybe he’ll always dread it. But right now, here, there’s a numbing peace within him. And he’s okay with it.

[justjessame]

Diamond’s Are A Boy’s Best Friend Chapter 26

By ‘finish packing tonight’, my grandfather had meant as soon as I walked into my father’s house and ‘in the morning’ was loosely redefined as the dead of night.  I finished packing before night fell, and then, the car loaded, I barely had a moment to take a final look around me, before we left it all in the rear view and I was finally told where I was headed.

“Chicago first,” he was saying, his driver driving at a respectable speed.  “Then you’ll be taken to somewhere safe, out of Klein’s reach.”  I feared he meant back to Europe, but he promised I’d stay in North America.  “I promise, Lizzie, I will keep you out of this mess.”  

He didn’t accompany me.  He had business to attend to, but he kissed my cheek and promised I’d be taken care of by family.  He smiled and then, to my surprise, hugged me tight against him.  “I’ll keep in touch.  I’ll let you know what I can.”  

“Alright,” I boarded the flight, and before I could contemplate what or where I was headed, we were in the air.  

A shock was waiting for me in Chicago.  I’d come into the airport, looking for directions to the baggage claim and for a sign that showed me who would collect me and take me to my ‘family’, when I saw her.  A face I’d recognize anywhere.  One that had tucked me in as a child and told me stories of a princess named Elizabeth, whose family loved her, but had to send her away to keep her safe.  A story I know knew had more basis in fact than fantasy.

“Minnie?”  And then her arms were wrapped around me and I felt like everything was spinning.  Luckily, it wasn’t a spinning that required a mad dash for the ladies’ room.  “How-  Why-”  I was sputtering, and I knew it.  She chuckled, breathing in the scent of my hair it seemed.

“Oh, Lizzie.”  Pulling away, she studied me.  “You still look like the little girl who wouldn’t eat her vegetables.”  I smiled at the memory.  “Come, come.”  She was pulling me toward the exit, but I needed to find my luggage.  “It’s being taken care of, come.”  And then we were in a car, and she patted my hand as she told me that she couldn’t wait for the others to see me again.

“Again?”  I asked, feeling like the world was full of surprises.  

Her smile held a secret, and her lips refused to reveal it.  The only thing she offered was that I should have learned by now, by meeting Sy that he wouldn’t have let just ANYONE take care of his Lizzie.  “Sy’s my brother, Lizzie.”

“You’re my aunt?”  I knew that eventually it would all hit me, the secrets, the spying, the lies, but right now, everything seemed comforting.  Oddly.  She nodded.  I set back, not worried about posture or image for once.  “Everything I know is-”

“Topsy turvy?”  A vague nod from me had her chuckling.  “Knowing who your grandfather is, who your pop is-  I thought you were smarter than that, Lizzie.”  

Shaking my head, I felt the boot being loaded with my luggage, and chuckled.  “So did I, Minnie, so did I.”

At an unassuming house, with sunlight streaming through the lace curtains, I realized that I had been surrounded by family my entire life.  My aunts, either through blood, or through marriage and early widowhood, had been taking care of me since I’d been sent away.  Three of Pop-Pop’s sisters, Minnie, Annie, and Sara, and two of my late uncles’ wives Alice and Selma had taken pains to see that I was raised well and as happy as they could make me.  

They swore that, while they wanted to tell me, my grandfather insisted that I be kept in the dark.  That I did not know that the women who acted as my guardians, my caretakers, and my confidants were to seem like hired help.  I felt a flush of embarrassment at the few tantrums I subjected them to, at the orders I tossed at them, at the power I wielded while feeling like a lost child without a home or family.  

“I’m so sorry,” I started to say, but Selma held up a hand.  She’d traveled with me during the summer before my return to America.

Shaking her head, she was smiling at me because she knew what I was apologizing for intimately.  “There isn’t a need for that, Liz.  We all knew, we all saw what you were going through.  We tried to argue with Sy, but-”  She gave a long suffering sigh.  “He felt it was for the best.”

“If he sent all of you, then what did Father-”  A shared round of snickering laughter at the mention of Ben made me stop.

“Ben Diamond did nothing.”  Annie, shaking her head and sucking her teeth in irritation offered.  “Not nothing,” she corrected.  “He took credit for all of it, but it was Sy.”  

“Yeah, Sy paid for the schools.”  Sara agreed.  

“And the summer travel.”  Minnie added, while Annie gave her own opinion.  “He even kept the jewelry, or most of it.”  

“I have my jewelry.”  I saw them all share a knowing look.  “I don’t?”

“Not half of it,” Alice shook her head in disapproval.  “Doris had buckets of jewelry.  She set aside so much for you, and what he sent?”  Another shake.  “A mere drop.”

“He said-”  Why had I believed him?  He lied to me about so much.  So goddamn much.  “That man-”

“Is pure evil.”  Minnie was looking as sick as I felt.  “And he got you back.  Selma was in knots when he summoned you.”

“Here,” Sara handed me a warm cup of something that smelled like peppermint.  “It’ll help with your situation.”

“My situation?”  I was worried about taking a drink.  What if Pop-Pop had told them about my condition and this was a solution I didn’t want?

They all seemed to zero in on my stomach and I rolled my eyes.  “The nausea,” Minnie assured me, “drink, it’s just peppermint tea, Lizzie.”  

I took a sip, it warmed me and I didn’t feel the bubbling in my stomach that usually accompanied anything I ate or drank, including the crackers and water.  “I’m sure you think I’m silly.”  For the fear that clung to me like a shroud.  

“No, we think you’re smart.”  I smirked into my cup, since Minnie had also insinuated the opposite in the car not an hour earlier.  “Caution is good, especially in this family.”  

I spent two days with the women who raised me.  Well, actually two days in Minnie’s care while the others visited as often as they could.  Selma, my last companion in Europe, was going to be taking me to my next destination.  She promised me that I’d be able to settle in there, and wait for Pop-Pop to contact me and keep me informed, while also out of the clutches of Klein.  

Saying goodbye to the women who’d tucked me in, dried my tears, told me stories, and made sure that I felt some comfort as a lost little girl in a strange world was more difficult than I’d thought it would be.  I was accustomed to goodbyes.  Especially to them, but now that I knew that they were family, that they cared about me, not the money I’d assumed they were grasping for while in their care made it harder than I could have imagined.  

A car this time, and as Selma drove, something she reminded me I should learn to do, she told me where I’d be staying for the foreseeable future.  Canada.  A small town just across the border, with a small house waiting for us.  She promised that Sy would fix things and I’d be able to choose where I wound up in the end.  

Tea was the magic cure, it seemed.  Or at least it helped to alleviate the constant urge to void my stomach’s contents.  Mornings, waking up, were still started with my head in the bowl of the toilet, but after a cup for breakfast, I could eat a little more than what I’d been able to hold down before.

Selma told me it would let up once I got past the first hurdle, but I wasn’t sure I trusted that diagnosis.  It was like this baby wanted to remind me of the choices I’d made that created it, and wanted to punish me soundly for them.  Pop-Pop called a day after we arrived and settled in.  

“I spoke to the doctor,” I went still and silent, “you are, Lizzie.  It’s positive.”  I don’t know why it hit me hard, I knew it.  I was living it.  “He knows.”  Oh.  “I’d bet that Klein does too.”  Of course he did.  “You’re out of his reach, sweetheart, so don’t worry.”

“I know,” I’d sat down hard on the chair by the phone.  “It’s not easy-”

“Yeah, I know, honey.”  He sighed, and I heard voices in the background.  “I have to go, but I’ll check in soon, alright?”  We said goodbye, and I realized, confirming my pregnancy didn’t make it easier to accept.  Not without Ike beside me.