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asimplearchivist · 4 months

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𝑪𝑯. 𝑽𝑰 — 𝑵𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑻𝑬𝑹.

𝐂𝐇. 𝐕𝐈 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐈 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐄𝐑.

[𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓻𝓬𝓱𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓼𝓽'𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽] [ 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ] AO3 | SPOTIFY | PINTEREST summary 🕷️ ⤏ you reflect on your history with miguel—both your husband and your new…colleague. pairing 🕷️ miguel o’hara/spider!reader word count 🕷️ 5.8k a/n 🕷️ [gif credit] ⤏ the chapter I had planned previously just didn’t fit right yet, plus my poll ruled that so I decided to go a different direction since my muse was being a capricious bitch like usual. we’ll hit the levity another day boys.⤏ I sprinkled in the little bit of comic lore that I’ve absorbed through fanfics and the wiki while tweaking it all to fit the timeline of my fanon for this fic, but I tried not to go into too much detail bc ATSV!Miguel’s history is still so vague. please correct me if there are any glaring mistakes.⤏ please mind the tags in the masterpost linked below. here be stupid (albeit lore accurate) decisions. 🕷️ MASTERPOST 🕷️ 🕷️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER ⤎ 🕷️ ⤏ NEXT CHAPTER 🕷️

Considering how odd your life had proven to be until present, you shouldn’t really have been surprised by how quickly you were able to adapt to your new circumstances.

Receiving high enough marks in your earliest years that you were hand-selected to be sent to Alchemax’s glorified drone factory of a school, steadily ascending through the ranks of your peers as your intellect was honed and sharpened with heavy instruction and endless study, and working your ass off through the highest levels of education in hopes of becoming successful enough to live comfortably all culminating in you meeting the love of your life in the process was only the start.

Your Miguel had been an undesirable individual, one to whom you hadn’t initially been attracted due to the history that preceded him (mostly because you had roomed with Xina for a time). He’d been a cocksure player with mommy and daddy issues, as well as an arrogant attitude and smart mouth in equal measure—playing himself off as the typical bad boy to hide all the scarred wounds he nursed underneath his standoffish exterior.

You hadn’t been able to stand him at first. The first time you’d met him, when he’d stopped by the dorm to pick Xina up for a date very early on in their relationship, you’d waited up apprehensively until she got home that night. You’d told her that he was bad news, that you only saw trouble branded across that massive forehead of his, and that she should drop him like a hot potato.

“But I like hot potatoes,” she’d said, eyes twinkling as she’d undressed for bed. “I’ve known him for a long time—since we were kids. He’s really a sweetheart once you get to know him. He’s standoffish to everyone he meets at first, but once he warms up to you, he’s really nice. Just wait, you’ll see. Let him get used to you.”

The first time he’d hung out at the dorm, you’d waited until Xina had slipped into the restroom before leveling him with a glare full of hellfire.

“You break her heart and I’ll break that stupidly fucking perfect nose of yours,” you’d growled, jabbing a finger in his slackened face. “Don’t think you’re fooling me, O’Hara. I know your type, I’ve read your mail—you think you can get away with everything you set your mind to just because you feel like you’re entitled. But I’m warning you right now—don’t test me. She deserves someone who will treat her right. I will not hesitate to wreck your shit, tú hijo de puta*.”

He’d only stared at you, jaw slack as he’d continued to lounge on the couch—taking up nearly half its width with his wide wingspan and those ridiculously long legs he’d sprattled out as though he owned the place. He hadn’t had the chance to respond before Xina had trotted back into the main room. You’d set down the drink on the coffee table that you’d used a guise to get closer and had moved back over to the kitchenette to resume cooking supper as though not a word had been uttered. He hadn’t said another thing to you the rest of the night save a mumbled, “Good night,” when he’d left, averting his eyes from yours the entire time.

Xina had given you a suspicious look once she’d shut and locked the door behind him, but hadn’t brought anything about it up until days later.

“Mig said he really liked your tacos,” she’d remarked casually while the pair of you’d worked on your assignments, sprawled on the floor in the warm afternoon sunshine spilling through the window. “He hasn’t had his mother’s cooking in a while, but he said it reminded him of home. He wanted me to thank you.”

You’d hummed noncommittally, scribbling away at your notes. “Is that all?”

“And he said you threatened him within an inch of his life.”

You’d tipped your head, casting her a glance through your lashes. You’d expected her to get irritated about it, but instead she’d looked…amused. “And…?”

“He also said,” she’d continued, lowering her tablet and folding her arms to prop herself up, “that he’s glad I’ve got someone loyal like you to look after me.”

“Someone has to,” you’d responded evenly, returning your attention to your handwriting. “You’d be up a creek with no paddle without me.”

“He wanted to know if you’d be okay with him coming over again.”

You’d looked back up to her, raising an incredulous brow. “I’m not your keeper, Xi. You can do whatever the hell you want with him.”

She’d mirrored your expression. “I think he’d just like some assurance that you won’t gnaw on his ankles the next time he hits the door.”

Rolling your eyes, you’d shaken your head. “I’m fine. I got my bluff in. I’ll even make him churros if it’ll get him to crack just one smile.”

“Careful, he’ll probably hold you to that. That man has a sweet tooth worse than anyone I’ve ever met.”

He’d orbited you like a small child would a large dog (despite the size comparison being the exact opposite) for a long time after that, only daring to venture closer when you had brandished food at him like peace offerings. How you had managed to actually intimidate him was beyond you (and a part of you had always wondered if he had only acted like it for your benefit), but you had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth—so to have had all six foot five of Miguel O’Hara give you as wide of a berth as one would a bear when you so much as stepped into the room was a power trip you’d tried not to let get to your head.

He wasn’t as bad as you’d first anticipated. He did warm up to you over time, and you’d discovered that his curt demeanor stemmed primarily from his awkwardness. He didn’t talk much because he didn’t know how to talk. He had a difficult time parsing his true meanings and feelings, often stumbling over words or being unintentionally blunt or misleading in the process—if he got frustrated enough, he’d even stutter a bit. He was still an asshole sometimes, certainly—especially around other people he didn’t know or just plainly didn't like, as well as when he’d been in a foul mood after a bad day—but he was, admittedly, pleasant enough company to keep around.

He’d inhale any food you’d set down in front of him, anyway, and cooking had always been your biggest love language, so that had made you feel a bit better about him, at least. A complete dickbag would have complained about your heavy-handedness for powdered thyme and salt, but Miguel had only ever asked for seconds (and sometimes thirds) and had expressed his gratitude by bullying his way in front of the sink to help clean up the dishes.

“He’s like that,” Xina had laughed when you’d griped at her about it. “Can’t thank anyone to save his life, but he’ll be damned if he lets you do anything yourself. Very much an ‘acts of service’ type of guy.”

He had a really dumb sense of humor, unexpectedly simple for one as intelligent as he was—and you knew he’d had to have been keen of mind in order to catch Xina’s eye in the first place, as she didn’t tolerate ignorance in the slightest—but the plainness of his puns and quips and jokes always caught you by surprise. You hadn’t ever been able to bestow a name upon the glitter of mirth in his eyes when he’d managed to make you laugh until Xina had pointed it out.

“He likes you, you know,” she’d said casually over coffee somewhere near the university. “He asks about you all the time, wants to know more about you. I think it would help if you’d give him a little more than the time of day.”

You’d given her a wry smirk. “You want me to be chatty with your boyfriend?”

“Just enough to convince him that you’re not some weird cryptid that lives in my pantry,” she’d sighed, rolling her eyes. “I don’t know how many times he’s asked me how we never met you growing up in school.”

“I’m younger than both of you by a couple of years,” you’d reminded her longsufferingly. “I got bumped up to graduate early. I’m lucky I qualified.”

“No luck about it. You’re a smart cookie, cupcake.” She’d sipped her coffee, eyes cutting out to the street on the other side of the glass, then had pursed her lips. “You know, he…didn’t have a great childhood. He’s been through a lot.” She hadn’t met your puzzled expression. “Just…cut him some slack, will you? He’s a good guy.”

“I don’t have anything against him,” you’d assured her. “He’s just not really the type of person I usually gravitate towards.”

“Oh, yeah, and you’re all about those mousy little nerds who can’t pick up a sack of flour,” she’d laughed, rolling her eyes. “I mean it. He likes you. I can’t say that for a whole lot of people, you know. It takes a lot for him to open up as it is, and he’s really making an effort to try. I don’t know what it is about you, but I’ve never seen him so invested in getting to know someone new—he’s got his little posse and that’s about the extent of his centrism.”

You’d frowned. “You’re not worried about that?”

“Nah.” She’d shaken her head. “Mig’s a lot of things, but duplicitous isn’t one of them. I think you just made a really strong impression on him. Maybe all that bad bitch energy you’ve got oozing off of you is actually toning him down some.”

Eventually, he’d offered to help you cook, too. He’d helped Xina pick up around the dorm when you were out. He’d even helped you study for the biochemistry exam you’d convinced yourself that you’d fail, and you’d ended up making an A. He’d interwoven himself inextricably into your lives and daily routine, resulting in those orbiting your immediate social circle referring to you as the ‘dumbass trio’. Wherever Miguel and Xina went, you often weren’t far behind—not of your own volition, of course, as they often roped you into whatever they were doing unless it was strictly a couple’s thing. Xina had sworn up and down that they had mutually agreed to include you on most things so you wouldn’t feel left out, which you’d appreciated a bit more than you’d ever have readily admitted.

You did make him churros for Christmas, and he had, indeed, smiled—so sincere and sweet in the tight, enveloping hug that he’d given you in lieu of thanks with Xina’s laughter tittering over the pounding of your heart in your ears. You’d patted him awkwardly on the back as he’d released you, turning to the tray to pluck up one of the sweets while you’d been too busy resisting the urge to watch his thick fingers disappear past those impossibly plush lips for his tongue to collect the sugar crystals lingering there—you’d managed it (barely), but you’d spent a little too long that night huffing the collar of your sweater while stripping in the bathroom to shower because his cologne had seeped into the chunky knit and you had never before smelled anything so divine.

Eventually, you met Gabriel, too, who had flirted so shamelessly with you that first time Miguel’d had his face buried in his hands throughout the entire ordeal, muttering curses to himself in Spanish that you hadn’t been able to quite catch (but hadn’t necessarily had to—the mortification in his eyes had been clear).

You and Miguel had spent time together, too. Sometimes he’d come to the dorm when Xina was busy elsewhere just to catch a break. He’d told you that he enjoyed the quiet, and that you were relaxing to be around. Having gradually gathered bits and pieces of his past through the various off-handed remarks that Xina had made about his parents, you’d taken that as an utmost compliment. He was, truly, a sweetheart beneath all those bristles he brandished to most. He trusted next to no one, but was loyal to a fault to those select few that he did.

Your best friend’s boyfriend had weaseled his way into your heart, you’d had to admit, and had wormed into your good graces. Over time, you’d learned his eccentricities and mannerisms and colloquialisms. You’d gotten used to him. You’d grown comfortable around him. You’d go so far as to say that you’d liked him, too.

Then he’d cheated with his brother’s girl, a stunt just like you’d initially feared.

You kept your promise. When he’d stopped by the dorm (while Xina was out—the point of which had been clearly made to assure lack of contact on both of their parts) to exchange the meager few belongings of hers that had ended up at his place with his own, you’d broken his nose with a solid jab that he hadn’t even had a chance to block due to his surprise. Luckily, he had set the box down first, and your rage had delayed just long enough to make sure nothing of Xina’s was broken in the process.

He’d bled all over the front of his shirt. You’d shoved a wad of toilet tissue into his sticky, crimson-stained hands, and with stinging eyes and a tight throat you’d slammed the door shut in his teary, crestfallen face.

You didn’t see him for a long time after that. Xina had buckled down and nearly worked herself to death to finish her classes and graduated early. You’d followed the year after her, transitioning into Alchemax’s robotics department, specializing in nanotech, but flexible enough that you ended up working all over the department when the various teams needed an extra set of hands. You’d secured a lease on a nice apartment thanks to your wages, had caught your future by the tail, and had settled in to enjoy your newfound independence and freedom.

Miguel had shown up on your doorstep a couple of years later holding a box brimming with tamales and a bottle of your favorite wine a couple of years later, eyes red-rimmed and bloodshot, overall looking like the definition—the epitome—of shattered.

You’d almost turned him away—had almost laughed about how karma was a bitch—but the half-circle bruises under his eyes, the welling split in his lip, and the tears gathering on his lash line as he’d croaked out a hoarse and utterly pitiful, “I really fucked up, pastelita**,” had stayed your instinctual cruelty.

So, with an exasperated sigh, you’d stepped away from the doorpost to gesture him inside. Within minutes, he’d set himself down on the very edge of the end of the couch, shoulders hunched in and downwards, knees clamped together to take up as little space as possible while you’d brought a couple of chipped coffee mugs from your cabinet into which to pour the borderline cloyingly sweet strawberry wine. He hadn’t touched any of the tamales until you’d demolished three, but you’d been able to tell that he was only eating to have something on his stomach. He’d looked ill, and if it weren’t for his confession you’d have been pressing the back of your palm to that massive forehead of his.

Dana had flipped the script on him—had grown bored of the lack of thrill for the affair once Gabriel had caught wind and cut all ties to leave her with his older brother in favor of pursuing an older, richer man further up the hierarchy at Alchemax—and Miguel had no one else to whom he could turn to wallow in his sorrows.

You hadn’t given him an inch. You’d told him just what he’d done to Xina, how you hadn’t had a full conversation with her beyond a handful of texts in the last six months because she’d buried herself so deeply in her work so she wouldn’t have to think about how she felt. You’d told him how big of a dick he’d been to ruin the trust not only for his childhood best friend and girlfriend, but also his brother. You’d told him that you were still pissed enough now, a couple of years later, that he was lucky he wasn’t getting a full sixteen ounces of fermented fruit juice in the eyes. You’d told him that he’d hurt you, too, because you’d ended up losing both of the only friends you’d ever managed to make that had tolerated you enough to keep you around in the process.

He’d taken it all with a lowered gaze but in good faith. He’d admitted that he’d done wrong, and that he’d never be able to truly forgive himself for it. He’d said that he deserved every bit of misfortunate that had riddled his life ever since he’d made that irreparable mistake. He’d also told you that he’d reached out to Xina in attempts to make amends, and had at least convinced her to talk for a few minutes to let her know how sorry he was, that he didn’t expect her to forgive him, and that he would like to make it up to her by remaining friends on somewhat good terms if she wanted.

That had surprised you. Miguel didn’t admit he was wrong. Ever. That he’d go so far as to give someone room to think that indefinitely had proven to you then and there and he had actually realized how badly he’d made a mess of things and had genuinely wanted to change his trajectory.

So you’d shared your homemade salsa with him, had watched at least seven more tamales disappear down his ravenous gullet, and had told him that you could make them better with an arm tied behind your back and blindfolded. You’d managed to leverage a wet, quiet chuckle out of him when you’d told him how ugly he was when he cried—which was really a complete, bald-faced lie. You’d never seen a man look more gorgeous than Miguel O’Hara sobbing into a mug comically small clutched in his mitt of a hand stating proudly in gold calligraphy on a turquoise glaze that, ‘I’m too cute to compute,’ about how uncertain he was that he’d ever be able to fix everything good in his life that he’d broken with his stupidity and recklessness.

You’d bundled him up in your favorite, heaviest blanket after three mugs of wine and had tipped him over to stretch across the woefully ill-fitting length of your couch well past midnight. You’d shoved a pillow under his head, had pulled off his shoes (with his feet dangling off the opposite arm, it only made him look twice as tall), and had slept in the armchair next to him so he wouldn’t wake up alone.

Perhaps you’d been too easy on him. Perhaps you shouldn’t have entertained him after everything he’d done, much less forgive him after one sob story. But you’d missed him, too—like crazy, like hell. You’d missed his sullen pouts at being teased about his forehead and his stupid jokes about mitochondria and the way his smile was just a bit too wide and lopsided, like he didn’t know how to measure it once someone did manage to crack his solemn facade.

You’d called Xina the next morning to explain your end of the story (whatever details Miguel had elected to share with you, even while intoxicated, you held in strict confidence—just like hers were secrets you’d carry to your grave). She’d sighed and said she knew everything, and that she didn’t want to have drama. It would take a long time for them to salvage their relationship and reconcile, but she’d admitted that she’d missed him, too, and just wanted him back as one of her best friends.

Miguel had spent significantly more time with you after that. He came over with food after work once he’d made sure you were home, fussing you right out of the kitchen and letting you pick whatever the pair of you would watch—even if he sighed when you would, inevitably, pick another romcom from a century prior.

It had been a slow process, patching those wounds. Miguel had changed a lot in the time you’d lost, had matured more than you’d ever imagined he would. He cleared the air with Gabriel, and that Christmas all four of you spent the holidays comfortably together eating too many sweets and exchanging gifts. You baked him pan dulce and he brought you cinnamon rolls that he’d made all by himself—although they had been a bit gooey, not quite baked long enough, you’d eaten half the pan yourself.

A year passed. Things got easier. You had no longer felt anxious, hurt, or resentful upon seeing him walk through the door—excitement, affection, and fondness took their places instead. He had made amends as best as he was able, working endlessly to patch up the wounds he’d so carelessly inflicted while also fixing his own issues to prevent it from happening again.

…He’d confessed his feelings for you entirely by accident. It had just slipped one night, after a few too many drinks and continuous bumping into each other while washing and drying and storing the dishes, that he’d liked you for a long time—since he’d met you, really—and he wouldn’t have added the fact that him seeking your company had long since slipped from avoiding loneliness into wanting to stay close to you if you hadn’t nearly pried the words from his clenched jaw with increasingly creative and outlandish threats of nonviolence.

He had intended to never say a word, you’d learned. After everything he’d done and gone through, he’d convinced himself that he was undeserving of love and utterly incapable of nurturing it into anything remotely palpable, healthy, and long-term. He was terrified of losing for good what little bit of love that he’d managed to salvage from the only people he’d had in his life that genuinely cared for him unconditionally, having already ruined his first serious relationship with a night of foolhardy negligence. Despite his ardent adoration of you and how you had changed his flaws into virtues, he had resigned himself to remaining your friend for the rest of his list so he would never risk fucking up his chances at happiness again—he would have taken that to the grave, had his restraint not wavered with your nonchalant, half-teasing confession of him being the most important—and favorite—person in your life.

(Except it hadn’t been a joke. You’d realized, in the span of a breath after you’d uttered those baring words, that it was entirely true—even your close friendship with Xina paled in comparison for the bond that you and Miguel had painstakingly built throughout the trials and crises you’d faced together. Despite his grievous errors, he’d remained steadfast in the face of resolving them—a trait so rarely seen that you’d stood by his side in support without question.)

In a blind panic at your prolonged, shocked silence, he’d thus fallen into a continuous spiel that contained more words than he’d ever spoken throughout your entire acquaintance combined. He vomited his childhood traumas and adolescent hardships and formative follies up as if he were lancing an infected wound, and the underlying explanations behind his personality, behavior, and insecurities became all too apparent in that moment. It didn’t excuse any of his actions, by any means—he’d acknowledged that much vehemently without you even having to open your mouth—and he’d known that he would never truly be able to reconcile all the shit he’d brought upon himself, which had resulted, in turn, in him inflicting misery and heartache upon others entirely undeserving of it. He’d apologized profusely for every slight he’d made at you, had begged that you disregard him ever having said those three damning words in order for everything to stay as it was, to go back to normal, so he wouldn’t lose you, too, for a second time.

…He had never been anyone’s favorite in his entire life. That idea had broken your heart.

But it had been a lot to swallow all at once, too. You’d shoved an ice cube into his mouth to calm his hammering heart and to stifle his anxious rambling, as well as to give yourself a couple of minutes to regather your bearings. You hadn’t been able to form a coherent thought, much to your chagrin—too caught up in the all-to-recent memory of him gazing down at you with such softness and reverence that one would have thought that you had strung up the constellations before murmuring with as much conviction as one would a benediction, “I love you,” emblazoned onto the backs of your eyelids and ringing in your ears.

Once the ice cube had melted, he’d tried to start talking again. You’d hushed him by placing your fingertips over his chapped, chewed lips and saying softly, “I love you, too, tonto.* I have for a while, I just…didn’t know how I felt about it, and wasn’t sure about bringing it up.” You’d cupped his jaw, then, and had stroked the pad of your thumb along the crease of his gaping mouth.

The wake of his relief had crashed over him so hard that he’d cried. You’d armed him up as best as you were able, given your size difference, and had held him until he’d soaked your shoulder, rubbing his back in soothing circles all the while. You’d never felt more at ease in someone’s embrace as you had with him, despite the emotional turmoil involved and the uncertainties the pair of you now faced.

But, as before, you’d worked through the complications together. Xina and Gabe had both supported you, after a bit of surprise (and exchanging money not-so-subtly under the table the next time you all had gotten together for dinner—Gabriel complaining about being out fifty dollars falling short of Xina’s smug, knowing look had not gone unnoticed). Dating felt no different from the comfortable, borderline domestic rhythm you’d already—unwittingly—fallen into that past year since his plea for mercy, except that he now had no holds barred around you.

While you’d suspected that he’d never be big on PDA or sweet nothings, Miguel had shown his ardency for you in other ways. All the issues with your apartment magically resolved themselves whenever you’d complain about them. Your closets, cabinets, and pantry had stayed stocked even when you ran out of time to make grocery runs after grueling nights at the lab. He’d insisted on paying for everything, had hardly ever let you lift a finger, and had spoiled you absolutely rotten. He’d done his damnedest to redeem the second chance that you’d granted him, and you’d been a little amazed at how seriously he had taken the whole affair.

Xina hadn’t been miffed about it in the slightest. “He’s a different man, now—a better man,” she’d told you, “and you’re to thank for that. I never could get through to him like you can, and that’s okay. It’s wonderful, actually. I’m so proud of him and I’m so, so very happy for you. You deserve the world and I think he’s doing his best to give it to you…if you’ll let him try.”

Your strict intolerance for his vices had polished off his roughened edges with friction. Your high expectations had driven up the standards he’d long since set for himself. Your hopes had helped him to accept what he had thought were his weaker qualities, but were, in fact, what you had considered his greatest strengths. You’d mended his aching soul and he had given you everything that you could ever have asked for in return.

The wedding had been a cozy, intimate affair. The honeymoon, despite the lavish PTO and cushiony funds you’d both accrued over the course of your shared workaholic employment, hadn’t lasted nearly long enough, in your opinion. Finding a penthouse to lease together with your joint salaries afforded you a breathtaking view of Nueva York in the mornings and evenings, and after a short time it had become a home.

You were thankful to have experienced all the good times, as well as the bad. You would’ve endured those tragedies all over again to experience that devoted love once more.

You still missed your husband like hell some days, though. Much of your life now had grown around the grief that used to suffocate you, gently laying over tender roots for new experiences, but there were still times that you had to spritz his old pillow with his slowly diminishing bottle of cologne and recluse yourself inside your bedroom until the ache loosened enough for you to rise and greet the life you now had to live without him. You no longer felt the urge to visit his grave anymore, except for his birthday and your anniversary, however, knowing that he wasn’t truly there, but in your heart—and you considered that the ultimate step forward.

You wondered at the odd twist of fate, though, to be tossed by sheer chance into a league of multidimensional Spider-People like yourself, led by a copy of the man whom you’d have sacrificed your own life in exchange for his (and still would without question nor consideration). You saw much of that initially wounded, derisive man in this new Miguel—but instead of ever finding healing and bettering himself, he had seemingly gotten worse. (Or something had made him worse. You were uncertain of which was the case.)

You couldn’t entirely blame him for it. While he hadn’t revealed the details (and was under no obligations to do so whatsoever), you’d gotten enough of the gist that he’d struggled through some horrific circumstances…and had just barely made it out the other side, if your perception of his underlying misery was to be believed.

He softened up somewhat after that raw, quiet conversation in his lab, at least with you. He no longer acted as though he walked on eggshells around you—no longer rigid and on edge when you were remotely close to his proximity. He wasn’t as guarded, either, relaxing just enough to reveal his calmer, quieter nature. Being the leader of the Society was tedious, stressful, endless work, and having to wrangle so many odds and ends ranging from mischievous to volatile would render anyone’s nerves to short fuses. You figured out that he’d whittled himself down to the bone, yet refused to accept any help from the likes of his most valued associates, despite Jess and Peter B.’s prodding and insistence otherwise.

So, since you hadn’t been around long enough to even know where to start making headway in the mountain of anomalous analytics or projection reports with which he had to deal with every day, you opted to try to help him in the few areas where you confidently could.

You coaxed him out to grab meals in the cafeteria when LYLA told you he’d been cooped up in his lab alone for too long, you organized his tools and things when he did happen to be out so he’d have a clean and tidy workspace to come back to, and you continued your accidentally established tradition of bringing him a sweet upon your daily deliveries of leftover baked goods from your shop every evening. He’d started to grumble at you about the lattermost habit, remarking that he had a strict diet that he’d maximized for his metabolism and physical activity, but you’d told him that the treats wouldn’t stay on his physique as busy as he stayed.

“In fact,” you’d argued playfully, “I think it’s been doing wonders for improving your mood. The newbies aren’t running for the hills whenever you walk through the foyer anymore.”

He’d stopped bringing it up after that, didn’t quibble with you about it anymore, and you’d noticed that the corner of his mouth had started to pinch when you’d press the crinkling sack into his not-so-reluctantly awaiting palm. You hoped that it was a restricted smile and not a grimace, like you had feared initially.

(…Had he ever smiled around you? You couldn’t recall a single instance of it happening. You’d have to work on rectifying that.)

You enjoyed learning about the other Spiders, too. Nothing fascinated you more than to delve into deep discussions about the state of their respective universes—the time periods, technology, and history all relative to yours—as well as their personal differences. To all be the same type of hero, you were amazed by how vastly different each and every single one was. All were bound, however, by a common story, punctuated by tragedies that defined every purpose.

You still hadn’t been able to figure out this Miguel, though. You would never intentionally pry into his story, even though he had consented to his bio to be uploaded to the Society’s network for transparency’s sake—you felt that it was something he would tell you personally if it was that important, or if he trusted you enough to be inclined to do so. You were vastly curious about his physiological characteristics, however, so you’d spent an entire afternoon mentally compiling a comparison and contrast between your late husband and what you had gathered about his multidimensional counterpart.

Taller, bulkier, with all the added traits of spider-abilities overwhelmingly evident, but the same features otherwise. Red eyes with perfect vision that seemed extremely sensitive to light (the only explanation for why he kept his lab so damned dark all the time, and also how he could read with perfect clarity from so far away). Fangs and talons that could tear through just about anything. Same frown when concentrating on something, same sullen pout when teased. More soft-spoken, significantly shorter in patience and temper, extremely antisocial…that lattermost fact, at least, remained exactly the same. In so many ways, he was still the person you had known best, even if he wasn’t yours.

You decided soon enough that, despite the rocky start of your acquaintance, that if no one else would get through to him, you’d do your damnedest to try breaking down the walls he’d so meticulously built up around himself. It was the least you could do, by helping to mend another version of him back together again, to repay your husband—the man you’d loved most—for giving you the best years of your comparatively drab and lonely life, even if this Miguel were to fight you tooth and nail every step of the way. He deserved to be safe and sound just like everyone else ever did.

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onetoomanyyy · 4 months

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Its your turn to tell me your Beika Ichiya thoughts now >:D

okay! :D A lot of this is kinda similar to yours butttt here we go!

To begin: Beika talks about him like someone he hardly knew, but I think everyone can agree that Beika and Ichiya were the very least friends. (Now or Never supposedly being an unreleased C-Side song, Ichiya being the only member of SqSq Beika mentions, etc. etc.)

and that’s all for canon stuff! Onto headcanon

It doesn’t really matter to me what the exact nature of their relationship was, only that they were close. But them being ‘strictly bros’ who are both too stubborn to address that one time they kissed is funny. They probably don’t even remember it because it was like midnight when it happened but. Kikura has pictures.

okay so this is how I like to think it all played out (gonna put a break here bc this post this suuper long on mobile)

Like Deep Cut, C-Side have been friends since middle school. They sort of had a band (or at least the idea of one) forming for a little while before Beika and Ichiya became friends. They got close pretty fast. Their personalities just managed to click with one another and they bonded over their natural knack for music. I think Beika definitely considered Ichiya as somebody who just got him, just like Kikura and Uotora. So he tells Ichiya about his band he’s trying to start, and Ichiya mentions that he wants to start a band too - in Inkopolis. Beika never really got that, because what was so bad about the Splatlands? He’d much rather be a nobody in the Splatlands than a rockstar in Inkopolis. (A lot of his dislike for Inkopolis musicians stems from his dislike for Ichiya, but I think you get the whole Splatlandian pride thing.)

Ichiya kind of became a member of their friend group, but only really as a mutual friend through Beika. So their group kind of ended up being C-Side and also Ichiya was there. It sort of worked?? Ichiya would come by and play music with them sometimes, even sometimes helping them write some songs. But he never really became a ‘real’ member, mostly because of how he wasn’t really friends with Kikura and Uotora (but also because of the whole Inkopolis rockstar dream).

I also like to think they wrote Now or Never together (either all four of them or just Ichiya and Beika), and neither of them figured out who is ‘belonged’ to because yknow they didn’t think it would be a problem. Maybe at one point Beika considered asking Ichiya to join C-Side (or even did ask him, but he declined bc of his Inkopolis plan) for extra angst potential.

So things were going good. And then (of course) everything had to get ruined. They get into an argument (I don’t really know any about, but I think ur interpretation of something really small related to their creative differences works well), and when Ichiya does finally leave for Inkopolis, it’s kind of on a bad note. He doesn’t even bother to apologize because he’s stubborn loll. (Beika is too, for the record) And just like that, C-Side is back to being a trio. Well, it was never really more than that in the first place.

Considering Ichiya did contact Beika about starting a band, I don’t think things were as hostile between the two (though let’s be real, the hostility is mainly just from Beika) at first. Not until Now Or Never got released and Beika was like oh. He never cared about us in the first place, and now he’s going to use the song we wrote together in his shitty band without so much as a simple credit. (said band being the nonsensical dream that he did end up achieving in the end, by the way.)

Beika stews about for a while, and starts harboring a real disdain for Ichiya. Luckily he has Kikura and Uotora to fall back on, or he’d be in a much worse state than he’s already kind of in. They end up becoming a little closer with one another after that, agreeing as a unit that Squid Squad releasing Now or Never without even asking C-Side was a shitty decision and have no qualms about insisting the song was theirs for the years to come. It’s not technically the truth, but it being Ichiya’s isn’t either. Though if they wanted to show actual proof, (aka release the demo and prove the date) they’d have to release the info that Ichiya was nearly a member and they’d never let themselves sink that low.

So time continues on. Squid Squad breaks up (I knew it was never going to work out, snarks Beika), C-Side stays together and cover Splattack out of spite. You thought you could take our song and make it worse? We’ll take yours and make it better, then.

And then Ichiya comes back to the Splatlands. Beika gets further ticked off by the fact that he’s just acting like nothing happened, even after accidentally spilling about he and Ichiya knowing each other. Once again, it seems like he just doesn’t care.

So…Beika’s disdain towards Ichiya is rational on some ends and more irrational on others, mainly spurred on by feeling betrayed on a few levels and feeling like Ichiya never cared about him or the music they wrote together. And that’s kind of the truth, since Ichiya didn’t think Beika would still be hung up on all this stuff from nearly a decade ago, so he tries to stay out of it. It seems like the more mature way of handling it on the surface, they’re both being stupid about it. It’s kind of complicated and both Beika and Ichiya are too stubborn to actually work it out with one another. Squid Squad get to make up and be friends again but not these two they get to be bitter forever sorry lolll

(jk. Maybe in seven more years, who knows)

#toomanyrambles #ask box #splatbands #c side #squid squad #beika splatoon #ichiya splatoon #long post #Thank you for the ask!!#I threw this together kinda late so hopefully it makes sense #I’ll edit it later if I have to #my headcanons

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blacktreacle22 · 6 months

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Saw this post and it really sent me down a spiral:

And even if it was fresh air,

that debate has me reeling bc:

Amren suggested first that they should get out of the house (it’s true that it was for selfish or rather bigger reasons but she was THE FIRST to suggest that) [“if you want to start convincing your sisters (to help with patching up the wall) get them out of the house; being cooped up never helped anyone” - while in Amren’s apartament on the first day back in Velaris]

Then Cassian (Feyre: “Would you use her to see if she somehow can take down the wall? (About Nesta) Cassian: “Yes. Not only for our sakes but, she needs to get out of the house…she needs to…she’ll destroy herself if she stays cooped up in there.” - while carrying Feyre from Amren’s apartment after talking about the Book of Breathings, before the first dinner back in Velaris) (although I understand why this might not necessarily be taken into account, bc he mentioned only Nesta, for obvious reasons, but we could interpret…)

Then Lucien (“She needs fresh air. Take her to the sea, take her to some garden but get her out of this house for an hour.” - after their interaction in the library of the HoW)

Then Azriel (“Would you like me to show you the garden?” - upon moving Elain to the Townhouse)

So, if we want to give someone points for coming up with the idea for the sisters to get out of the house, it should be Amren. (People will probably not do this because her reason wasn’t selfless.)

If we want to refer to only Elain AND a selfless suggestion we’re looking at Lucien and Azriel.

If we want to think about who suggested it first and maybe persuaded Feyre’s decision it was Lucien or rather Feyre seeing through his eyes.

If we want to address who mentioned the garden first, as it is Elain’s domain, it was Lucien.

HOWEVER, (and I say this without actually hating any of the involved characters, in this case Lucien) Lucien firstly suggested the sea, then the garden. ALSO, he was actually told about Elain’s passion for gardening (while hiding in a cave in Winter court with Feyre).

Azriel mentioned this without anyone telling him the fact + he is the only one who actually asked Elain and not suggested to Feyre to make the decision.

I didn’t mean for this to turn into another point to Azriel, I actually wanted to say that in terms of this debate I would rather not even consider it at this point.

But now, I am again inclined to be team Azriel because it is very interesting that the two situations are juxtaposed immediately (as soon as Lucien heads out of the library Feyre asks Rhys for Cassian or Azriel to help with the move) and we are seeing for the first time how one addresses Elain in third person, while the addresses her directly.

- Again, these are my thoughts, I actually started this post convinced I am not even going to care anymore about the “getting out of the house” debate.

- I do not think Lucien suggesting that is bad, not at all, I am just saying that in comparison, he just used the information he had as opposed to making an assessment. I genuinely don’t want to “deduct any points” or something.

Also, these were some of my thoughts prior to being prompted for this post right here, and I have been accused that what I said was not factually correct ( it just so happens that I had some other unspoken theories about her leaving the room earlier than I mentioned in that post ).

Ok bye!!!

#elain deserves all the fresh air and gardens in bloom #i’m afraid to even tag Lucien because I will probably be followed home #elain acotar #would you like me to show you the garden #pro elain #acowar #elain archeron #azriel #garden

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tojikai · 2 months

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Okay I finally finished all of your stories!

Permanent mark is officially my favorite:,)

Thoughts;

See at one point, i was like let y/n heal and have them get together afterwards but then i was like “damn he fucked rie for two months 💔😔😟” and idk but something about her’s and suguru’s relationship is so tragic to me, i so badly wanted them together somehowReader should’ve gotten with suguru! I wanted their endgame so badly 😭💕 Everyone feels bad for satoru but nope i mostly feel bad for y/n and suguru, I wish they would’ve gotten together first, I don’t hate y/n either her, I saw some people hating on her and while i disagree on her sleeping with satoru while he has a gf, i can’t find myself to dislike her, and she actually might be my favorite “y/n” of yours.

both sundered and permanent mark satoru’s are so confusing and make me sigh deeply

Questions I have regarding the story surprisingly 😅:

- What was satoru whole thought process during the breakup and cheating

- Did he still love y/n at that point

- What was his reasoning

- Did he think abt y/n while rie/regret or like want her?

- Why did he put her over y/n??

- Basically what’s up with the whole situation

- Did he ever love y/n over her? Why would he break up with y/n over her?

- Did he love or want her more? Regarding rie

- Did y/n not make him happy anymore, what happened?

- Was there problems in their rs?

Note:

Thank you in advance if you answer, i probably already said this but your stories were a delight to read<33

I can’t wait to read the future stories you might have in store for us if you do:3

its nice that some people try to understand pm!yn and her actions. I also think it's understandable that many are frustrated about what she did. most of the characters in pm are driven by strong emotions that they made bad decisions, i could say its the theme of the whole story. they can be very confusing since not everything's mentioned explicitly, which i deliberately did bc i like that readers have to absorb something in order of them to really understand it. im happy you enjoyed pm !! 1. tbh satoru's mind was a mess the whole time, he hated himself for cheating on yn. at one point he felt like the breakup was meant to happen so he could finally be w rie but w rie he felt like something's wrong, almost as if he's still considering yn in everything he does in his new rs. he reached a point where he doesn't know if it's really what he wants or if he's just doing it bc it's already there. hearing abt suguru and yn shook him into clarity lmao

2. he still loves yn even when he was w rie.

3. like reason for going w rie? he thought thats what he wanted. he felt like it would complete something he never got to finish, but being away from yn took a bigger part of him than he thought it would.

4. he's always thinking abt yn even when he was w rie. he thought its just bc he felt guilty for cheating. but it was more than that. while he felt right being w rie, it's just different w yn. nothing feels wrong w yn whilst w rie, there's always a feeling that he's not really into it.

5. bc he thought that it was the right thing to do since he became rie's bf. satory appreciated her a lot when she stood w him even when everyone's judging them. he felt like she risked everything just to be w him and so he wanted to put out something equal.

6. lmao idk how to answer this but yeah ik, it's messy.

7. nobody asked satoru directly but if someone did, he'd be admitting to himself that he loves yn more than rie even when he and the latter were in a rs. he broke up w yn bc 1.) he already cheated, 2.) he thought he wanted to be w rie. 3.) bc he didn't think things through.

8. he loved rie. just not the way he loves yn and not as much.

9. he's the happiest w yn. he didn't realize it immediately when he left bc his and rie's rs was still young and it was still honeymoon phase and cloud9. after that, he had questions and lingering thoughts and feelings that he chose to push aside until he snapped (hearing abt sugu and yn)

10. no, there are no problems in their rs. that's why yn crashed out.

that's all !! thank you so much for the kind words and support ~!! <33

#🍭—kaitalks #f: permanent mark

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hidingoutbackstage · 9 months

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Hello! I’m back to talk about Resident Evil fandom misogyny! Are y’all sick of me yet? Too bad!

I know my source for this fucking sucks (it’s ao3) but since I’ve bitched about the horrible way RE fics on ao3 are somewhat reflective of the fandom before, and bc what I saw pissed me off, I’m gonna talk about it.

And unlike some people, if y’all don’t care about it, I’m gonna put it under a cut, and NOT post my annoying ramblings in the main tag as if they’re facts and not just my interpretations and criticism of fandom wide expression

So I was thinking about making a post saying “merry yaoimas (chreon) and a happy new yuri (femslash re ship)” with the latter parantheses actually holding an re ship. But that did make me pause and think, what was the most popular femslash re ship? I know I have my favorites (claida, chamberfield, and ashuela being most prominent), but I’m also aware that those are rarepairs and probably not indicative of the fandom as a whole.

The first thing I did was go to ao3, which, again, while not indicative of the fandom as a whole, is still large and worth looking at. These three under filters should’ve been my first clue that this was going to be abysmal

8.4k m/m fics. f/f isn’t even half of that. Now, when I saw this, I was disappointed but not surprised, and I stupidly saw the F/M being more popular and thinking “Oh right cuz Leon x female reader people are annoying” (keep this in mind for like two paragraphs later)

Anyway, I filtered it to only contain f/f pairings, so I could see which pairings were the most popular, and I genuinely had no idea. After all, most of the games in the series barely have women interact at all, so like, were people shipping Claire Redfield and Jill Valentine in 2000 because they were the only two female protagonists (who had also appeared in two games), even though they’d never interacted? Did the remakes and recent movies instill people with a love for Claire x Rebecca like I enjoyed? Or did we circle back to the late 90s due to the remakes of 2 and 3 where Claire and Jill were protagonists of big re games and thus people wanted to ship them?

In my foolish decision to think about, you know the main characters of the series that spawn multiple games and are iconic staples of the series’ existence as a whole, I forgot one thing: people on the internet are horny first, and human beings second

(gonna use that pic of my dog for image compression, even though this is under a read more)

Ngl, considering that I’d made multiple posts bitching about this very phenomenon, I was more than a little peeved, and also felt dumb for having forgotten about this. So first I decided to filter out the character tag “reader” and-

Um. I mean. What I meant to say, was that I then filtered out all of the relationships that just came from re8 “fans” being horny. Then I was left with this

So out of THAT list of ten ships, only six of them were actually f/f, the most popular having 120 fics and the least popular having 38. If you don’t feel like scrolling back up, there were 3913 fics in the re tag which were tagged with f/f

So I think, generally, that Claire/Jill is the most popular re f/f ship, at least in the ao3 community. Case closed, right?

Wrong. Now I had to see if that was actually true. Because if I know one thing about re writers, it’s that they include f/f as an afterthought or some background bs to a fic focused on a m/m ship

So I counted, and I did my best to split all fics where Claire/Jill were tagged into three types: background, focused, and given equal focus between them and one or more pairings. Some didn’t really fit, like fics that were just a collection of one shots (or more commonly, collection of short smuts) but those I also left out of the Claire/Jill focused count, because they weren’t focused on them. So after going through all 141 (yup that’s really all the Claire/Jill ships there are) fics, here’s the number I ended up with

82 fics where they were the focus ship

14 fics where they were given equal focus between one or more pairings

The rest (45) were neither

Not gonna lie, I was pretty relieved to see that fics where they were the focus was more than half of the total. And as I went further back, more fics focused on Claire/Jill as opposed to having them be a background ship. Also, for fun, I checked the ratings for Claire/Jill fics

And although I didn’t cross reference, I did generally notice a lot more of the fics focused on Claire/Jill were smut first, and fluff secondarily. Most of them too were also either one chapter (complete or incomplete) or generally just short. If a fic had many chapters/high word count, Claire/Jill almost always wasn’t the main ship, and sometimes shared the spotlight with another ship.

So is this reflective of the whole fandom? No, of course not. Is this indicative of a major problem with the fandom not caring about female characters? Yeah, literally all social media is indicative of it.

It’s not like the media itself is incredibly feminist, or full of meaningful character interactions between anyone, regardless of genders, it’s just not good at it and not really trying to be. But I will say that at large, the fandom does seem to prioritize m/m relationships, platonic or romantic, over female characters existences, their relationships to men, and fuck off if you think they care about relationships between women.

I do have a separate post coming about the lack of interactions between women in the media itself, but that’s for another day

#sid rants #sid bitches

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elendsessor · 5 months

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no fusion run update part nightmare fly has been swatted

i have to admit this took a great number of tries, a lot of grinding, and a lot of skill manipulation. i was thinking “oh i’m pretty overleveled so beelzebub won’t be as bad as usual-”

WRONG. WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS.

i did make sure to get magma axis ahead of time and avenge for good measure but there were two major problems:

one, only qing long had makakaja, and he doesn’t null/reflect dark attacks.

two, nobody on my team had debilitate.

yes loa can learn it but that would take even more grinding and i didn’t want to do that since it’s not really how i like going through the labyrinth or a lot of the game.

quick side tangent and explanation since i’m sure someone may ask: yes the grinding dlc exists but i don’t want to get paid dlc for something so minor and game breaking. only thing i have is merciful difficulty (don’t remember if that’s dlc or not i’ve had that option available since i got nocturne) and even then i only used it for grinding. scout’s honor, i’m doing major fights on hard mode and decided bc i’m worried about the possibility of being too op i would be running from a majority of fights (on normal of course) unless it’s a demon i want to recruit. if i end up needing to do some passive leveling i switch back to hard. i genuinely hate merciful difficulty but considering how grindy nocturne can be it was somewhat necessary to level my demons without taking an eternity. i don’t like how merciful is game journalist mode, i don’t like how much of a joke boss encounters are with it, etc etc. and trust me playing a save file with only merciful difficulty was so boring.

that’s also why i genuinely hate the grinding dlc aside from being paid when it should’ve been in base nocturne hd, and why i made some pretty big decisions that don’t min-max demifiend. part of the fun of nocturne is overcoming the bosses since they’re some of the hardest in the series and let’s be real being owned by at least one is a right of passage. if you’re extremely overleveled before facing bosses like matador that are infamous for forcing you to learn the game, it takes you out of the experience. that’s part of why i’m nerfing myself just in case. (i’m not going to be using freikugel as soon as it’s available but depending on how lucifer goes (i’m playing chronicle so he has diarahan oh joy) i may end up using it if absolutely necessary. divine shot’s cooler anyways sorry not sorry.) since i have to do some grinding for demon skills bc no fusion, there’s a very real chance i may get too op, and i’d rather not. also fun builds are better than the meta builds again sorry not sorry.

this all being said, i did hit a roadblock. the best way to deal with the beel in any game he’s in (where the skill is available) is to have at least one party member with debilitate. nocturne’s debuff skills like war cry and fog breath are pretty busted, but it would be too risky to use taunt without a dekaja to follow up, and mp preservation is really big in fights where the enemy can remove buffs/debuffs, so yeah debilitate is huge on a lot of levels. unfortunately despite it working in the original ps2 versions of nocturne, hd fixed a lot of ai bugs including certain ways to trick it into never removing buffs/debuffs.

this was my first true mandatory skill mutation fest.

and after several resets, i got debilitate on my star player.

also got it on gogmagog just in case so it turned into a roughly two hour endeavor of chaining. that beautiful 3% mutation chance pulled through eventually. i didn’t expect to use gogmagog given his fire weakness and i couldn’t remember if beel has any fire moves but he was an emergency switch in if i ran out of great chakras.

now you may be wondering why qing long is ko’d when he was obviously used despite not a good fit for beel and that’s because he again managed to pull through. beel will not remove buffs or debuffs in the first phase nor use death flies early on, so i sped through with a few makakajas before sacrificing him for a monke switch. funny monke kept buffing defense and evasion to make some attacks not as powerful especially since titania can’t deal with physical moves especially if they’re powered by focus.

after a few tries i finally got a winning run where the ai forgot to do some crucial dekajas and dekundas, spammed death flies which was doing nothing, and ultimately magma axis secured the kill. it was long. beel is built like a tank. probably would’ve made him run out of mp eventually given how long it took. but this was the first hurdle since thor that really got me and it served as a nice palette cleanser. once you play through nocturne once or twice, most bosses end up being pretty easy, but the labyrinth of amala always finds a way to destroy your self worth and remind you what game you’re playing, and i think that’s why i’m beginning to appreciate it more.

one more side note but beelzebub has the best battle theme in the game just saying it’s a banger and so unique i love it

#shantien rambles #smt nocturne #smt

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naaicha · 1 year

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so i am slowly watching s2 of good omens with my family and i suppose so far i’m.. lukewarm on it? it IS funny which is good but also i can’t help but notice how much it’s become the heaven and hell show and it feels very much like gaiman is sort of spinning his wheels with that. the zombie stuff was like you get some silly gags i guess but it kinda comes out of nowhere and i’m like i REALLY wish you would just get back to solving the damn mystery actually

the flashback scenes were a fun addition in s1 but this season it just seems like a rehash of the same stuff. ostensibly i guess it’s showing all the times crowley was nice but again. we already know he does that so it’s not really adding anything new. like leave that to the fanfiction writers actually bc that’s what fanfiction is for.

i understand why the them wouldn’t be in the show anymore bc kids grow up but the decision to have none of the human characters come back is really disappointing for me i guess. even if i didn’t LOVE the execution in s1 (newt…) i think anathema’s arc finishes in a really interesting place also she was like my favorite character when i was a kid and she’s a quintessential pratchett Sensible Woman Character so i’m biased. but i love her and i miss her. so yeah basically everything i said the other day is still true. good omens as a book is about how wonderful and unpredictable humanity is and that’s simply not what this show is about. which is fine i can judge it and even enjoy it on other levels as long as we all understand it’s a Different Thing

maybe with less detours it could be a fun tight little mystery because that seems to be the angle they’re going for? sometimes? i like that as an idea but eh idk if it’s working for me yet but i have 2 more episodes left.

cant weigh in on the romance yet and i haven’t been paying that much attention but i am somewhat. wary of turning the characters into the fanfiction versions of themselves? but also maybe i’m a bad person to ask bc i don’t have a hard stance one way or the other on making the old man yaoi happen. like morally i support the concept but personally it’s not a NEED. i do think it’s a bit retconny to have them consider each other friends pre-s1 because there is the humor of them pretending to associate just for work when actually they just like hanging out

i’m not sure if they’re spinning it like crowley has been actively pining for millennia but i will say. if i were going to write this as a romance from s1 it’s like, these two characters have always had each other around so they take that relationship for granted and the impending armageddon makes them reevaluate what they actually care about. that’s what makes something like crowley thinking aziraphale actually got taken out in s1 a big moment because it’s like oh wait, the idea of losing this person is the scariest thing to me. so like if you want you could dedicate some time to characters working through their feelings properly and hitting the romcom beats. i think they’re doing a lot of the relationship development in flashbacks but they should have just done that in present day imo. even though i know period dress is fun to do

#uhhh this is my mid season review. i guess #as a longtime good omens expert. (this is a joke)#milk tea talk

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suchsaccharine · 1 year

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330am and have no intention of trying to sleep at this point. I just need to keep this in the for front of my mind today while I’m working.

Keep in mind that once I leave for work, redo-sing is not an option.

My hs reunion is this weekend.

Gonna want to be rested for that.

For sure.

Actually in the past month (sober) I’ve made much much much more progress in my wl mission than in months prior. Sleeping is where it’s at.

But I had a moment of weakness and I gave in, and now I’ve got to see my decision through to the end.

The end.

I want to cut out random drvg sessions. Like randomly ordering ket, c0ke, speed, mdm@ once every other month. Like where would I be if I didn’t…where could I be if I don’t stay right where I’m at? I have a strong argument for the opposite side, but I do consider this.

I think I’m going to try it.

Cut out everything but my dabs and herb.

Might avoid the tempting redbull substitution this time bc that felt great at first, and then it didn’t.

I lay next to my baby while they sleep and I wish I could enjoy watching them sleep peacefully for so much longer. The sun will rise soon.. another day of being flooded with internal declarations of parental shortcomings and failures. I’ve not felt so genuinely ready to not be here since I had convinced myself I had contracted an incurable sti for like a full 6 months in the first half of 11th grade. But this time it’s not cause of inevitable aloneness, or even disliking raising my child, but that I can see almost nothing but mistakes every single day and I’m starting to believe and accept that I’m kind of not the greatest and that he may be happier in the short+long term if I just..went. I know that probably sounds crazy. And I don’t feel like a bad person or a mean person… but I feel like I could be doing better. And I am trying. Like everyday I consciously attempt to be better than the day before, or at least be very self aware of what I’m projecting.. and I still just feel like I’m failing this kid. I see them laugh and smile and joke and goof off but in my mind …. It’s like I’m so worried ab what could be having a last or traumatizing effect on them, that I truly cannot steer my thoughts in another direction. All day. And all night.

I remember feeling this genre of anxiety for the first time - the first night we were home from the hospital. I don’t think I slept at all. Between feedings I was just in shock. And that was over 8 yrs ago.

See, I wasn’t supposed to have them when I did. It was just a check up and their dad just left me 2 weeks prior and I was only 19 and it was over a month before the actual due date. When they put that baby in my chest, I never felt more lost and confused and helpless in my entire life. I felt bad that I wasn’t having that magical moment that you hear about. But I suspected, during my pregnancy, that I might not. Looking back I can see that I had detached myself from my surroundings and my self because my life had become very actively traumatic. It took me years to figure out that’s why I have and haven’t done a lot of the things I did…and didn’t. Maybe within the last 3 yrs I’ve really been trying to come to terms with everything in the past so I can be better from my child today, and tomorrow. But anyway…

Idk why I typed all that out as if I haven’t written about this in other journals. I guess it’s not the backstory I’m fixated on rn, it’s the current climate. I just can’t tell if they’re happy or not. They told me last night about a disturbing nightmare they’ve been having for about 3 months, which is almost how long my partner for 4yrs (-1.5) have been back together. My partner cares for tha kid a lot and is a good role model. But I feel he is sometimes too quick to be too stern. It’s disheartening. But, He will ensure my child has every opportunity for a successful future. And I’m deathly afraid I can’t provide that all by myself. What’s the lesser of two evils? And while my partner is stern, my child usually has an overall positive shift in behavior with them around. But sometimes I can just see where they are miscommunicating and honestly I am often a bit more ‘on the side’ of my kid because as I observe them together, I can basically see what my kid meant by what they said, why they phrased it how they did, why they are frustrated that you don’t seem to be on the same page. I see it play out across his expressive features clear as day.

I’m only one tiny person. I wish I had all the answers. I don’t. I just really really hope the decisions I make about him do not make him worse off than he would be otherwise. God I feel like shit for bringing him into my mess of a life.

#eedee #drvgs #i feel so guilty #trailer trash #better off without me #i’m sorry #cross to bear #selfish #teen parents #rice cake nation #failure #eedee tumblr #eedeetwt #stupid #trauma #giving birth

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ikemenomegas · 1 year

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jesus christ i just saw your latest jjk post and i am devastated <33 i feel like the alpha bursting into manic laughter rather than bursting into tears is a much more powerful imagery imo. Combined with your nightmare explanation, the combination of the alpha feeling bitter about the whole thing and then in the latest thing you posted, mentioned cliffs and why sorcerers dying young gives off such a raw feeling of hopelessness, despair and bitterness. The scene where the alpha starts laughing manically was giving when gojo confronted toji after toji thought he died. And that desperate moment where the alpha wants gojo to tell him if there was any hope left at all. I like that moment because its like the alpha wishing desperately for some assurance that things would be okay in the end even when its clearly looking that it wont. I wouldn't be surprised if the alpha starts slowly descending into madness like geto bc when the alpha got his bondmark removed, i got the vibe of the resentment starting to boil over. resentment towards whom? i dont think its all necessarily directed at gojo but rather at the situation. and the moment gojo steps out of that box, id imagine that his mate wasnt the same person he remembered, especially recalling the last lines in your nightmare post:

But what he doesn’t see, behind the mask Satoru wears and Shoko’s distance and Suguru’s death and your silence is that you all became monsters. Maybe Gojo Satoru chose to keep you close because for a while you were the only one left.

If the kids don’t come back, you think it might just be enough.

Gojo Satoru isn’t the only nightmare in the world after all.

The alpha's response to everything was always silence and the thought of them finally going apeshit and releasing all their pent up anger and feelings is something ill def think about everyday.

Thank you so much!! I cannot believe you put so much thought into this and that you actually went back and put in the quote! I really appreciate you saying that this stuff sticks with you. It sticks with me unless I get it on paper so now we all suffer together haha.

I'm really glad that what I was trying to put off came through. You're absolutely right that this alpha has spent a lot of time telling themselves that somehow "things are okay". They are starting to teeter over into that place that Geto ended up - where all of your sacrifices, all your pain, once meant something and now it doesn't mean anything. Sorcerer's aren't supposed to have "ideals" or lofty principles which they fight for.

If you've seen the "sorcerer rules" that gege wrote, it mostly boils down to: fight curses, don't tell normal humans that you're doing it, and listen to the jujutsu elders. We've seen before how the ones who do find a less selfish goal end up dying in ways that are terrible, often some way avoidable, and also directly related to their goal (the jujutsu code does not ask for lethal self sacrifice or suicide, but based on cultural context, would not be considered dishonorable. ie nanami could have turned around and gone for healing/help but he didn't and saved the students by sacrificing himself).

This oc has a lot more empathy than Satoru or Suguru - they can see why people make bad decisions, understand and even forgive them for it. They have the maturity to deal with people regardless if a bad decision is going to threaten the lives of the people they love or are obligated to protect. But apart from being more emotionally tuned in, they are very much like Suguru - including the part where they keep their silence until it just becomes too much, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

There are a lot of aspects of their relationship with Gojo that are just not tenable. They give him a lot of leeway because their relationship is built on contract, and because they do understand him somewhat. There are things they can't talk about, can't deal with, even though they have deep affection for one another, because of their job. And you're right, that's not Gojo's fault, but it also kind of is. The alpha doesn't want to pressure or rely on him like the rest of the world, but if you can't rely or lean on the other person in the relationship, then even if there's mutual understanding and even love, what does that mean when one of the people is left alone? The alpha may feel like they weren't relying on Gojo, but the truth is even his presence is stabilizing - in a mated pair, that bond is there even when you can't feel the other half and now it's gone. The alpha would love some honest reassurance or at least someone to tell them which way the world is going to tilt, because you're right they know they can survive without Gojo, but without the kids (and loving your kids is a very different relationship than loving your spouse) they don't know which way the world is tilting. I also never though gege would kill Tsumiki, but that's another raw wound there because she was never supposed to be involved in any of this. The panels imply that Gojo and Megumi canonically kept this from her and if she were herself she'd be mad about it (which I sort of break because alpha has a less obvious technique and has done things for Tsumiki before that technically show their powers).

To quote you: "Sorcerers dying young gives off such a raw feeling of hopelessness, despair and bitterness" precisely. I don't think anyone can look at a situation where children and teenagers and young adults experience more trauma and grief than most people encounter in their entire lifetimes and are not bitter that the people they love who experience this don't get to experience an equal amount of joy or love or appreciation or happiness before they perish.

This OC has a lot of tolerance. Their technique (like how most techniques relate to theme and personality) is partially centered around that. How much can you take before you break? For this oc, the answer is a lot more than most. I haven't written this part yet but they were injured in the Toji fight as well. They just weren't broken by it they way Gojo and Getou were. Riko's death hurt, sure, but they had failed before and knew what the sorcerer system did to show you that failure was possible way more intimately than the other two did. In this way, the OC and Shoko mirror one another.

This is the arm breaking moment, this is the week they start to crack, and the way their technique works is either they break or something else has to, because all that pain and pummeling has to go somewhere.

The fun part about this OC is they're Gojo's age-ish, so I get to do something shonen anime doesn't often get to, and show that adults still have growth and power-ups! If negative feelings are related to cursed energy etc and unlocking your own mental blocks in order to use it, well... depending on how things go in the manga there's some potential directions for oc to get some payback.

#ask answered #jjk spoilers #gojo satoru #io.myy #from the notebook #worldbuilding #tw suicide #for mentions of such as applied to the rules of sorcerers fighting a supernatural battle #io rambles #again #I talk to much #way too much!!#but I love this oc a lot and this series is getting messy but i still enjoy it #also i hate to do this but this is a gentle reminder to please use gender neutral pronouns when talking about my oc's #i use gender neutral pronouns so that everyone who reads these pieces can feel like they relate to the reader-insert character #please let's continue that even it asks so that we can keep that relatability going!#(i know sometimes phones autocorrect so I'm not going to make a fuss but please just be mindful <3)

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faeriefulmoon · 7 months

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(2/2) and now i kind of feel like an idiot.. and im so lost? i genuinely just don't understand. im kind of having second thoughts about reconnecting now because to me this kinda says they haven't changed much but then im like or am i just being dramatic? but then i have newer friends (some I haven't event known a year) that didn't forget so it's obviously not that hard to remember. what do i do? like do you get the vibe these girls are not my friends? idk how to even go forward with them bc im afraid im wasting my time :/

it’s understandable ur hurt by this. i would feel the same. i don’t think ur being dramatic at all. i mean they have had years to memorize ur birthday. it just takes 3 seconds to put someone’s birthday in their calendar, which is what i do since i’m very forgetful. from what u have told me it seems like they were bad friends in the past. while, i would typically not recommend staying friends with them, their change in attitude and seemingly growth and maturity when u reconnected sounded promising. still it’s disappointing that they forgot ur birthday again. but i think it’s important to consider that at our age people have different types of friends: the closest ones you put the most effort into, and others for partying, work, and low effort friendships with infrequent meet ups. u might want to evaluate if these friends should be more casual, where forgetting birthdays isn't as big a deal compared to your closest friends. if u see them as casual friends maybe just leave it. and consider them as ur old high school friends that stay in touch for the occasional reunion and to catch up on school gossip. but if you're aiming for a close friendship again, consider talking to them. have an open conversation about how u feel. depending on their response and how the conversation goes u can make the final decision. u seem like a rlly good friend and u deserve friends who put in the same amount of effort and care, so perhaps u should try to cultivate a closer relationship with people who show the same enthusiasm. i hope this helps and i’m sorry u went through this xx happy belated birthday <3

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dimiclaudeblaigan · 2 years

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Scrolling through the fe tag and getting Annoyed bc I just saw a post that was a very thinly-veiled dig at dimitri/blue lions fans for the cardinal sin of *gasp* enjoying characters for their characterization and not, like, purely for their ideologies lol. also had the classic “D is pro-monarchy and therefore conservative and bad 😥🤢🤮” and “E is anti-monarchy and therefore progressive and good 😄🔥👍” spiel that we’ve all seen a billion times, which is obvs an extremely reductive take that ignores context and other crucial aspects of E and D’s characters but whatever

I myself don’t really engage in fe3h discourse, and mostly operate under the notion that your favorite fictional characters aren’t necessarily indicative of your irl morals/politics (no matter what people say, this is, at the end of the day, a fucking video game with no actual stakes. you can like and support whoever you want idgaf). However i just wanna say that i find it genuinely astonishing that, instead of just embracing their fave’s flaws and telling everyone else to fuck off, a certain part of this fanbase has effectively gaslit themselves into believing that the openly imperialistic, warmongering, and borderline authoritarian character (tmw your cartoonishly evil henchman has a secret police force created for the sole purpose of killing people who rebel against your rule/regime 🥴) is like, an uber leftist revolutionary hero. probably so they can pat themselves on the back for being True Activists™️ bc god knows they don’t do shit irl lol

People need to get out more lol. It’s not like you have to love the characters for strictly what they believe in or I’d actually like Edelgard considering my frequent comparing of her and Ashnard and the fact that I actually like Ashnard.

Really, I don’t think Dimitri is pro any kind of governing system as long as the people are happy and living well. Like, if I recall, Gilbert’s solo ending only mentions that he trained the next prince and not that it was actually strictly Dimitri’s blood child. Like, given that there’s no mention of him being married or having a kid in a good chunk of his endings, you could actually argue that he just adopted a kid. Sure, it would mean his child was crowned for being his child, but it also doesn’t specify that the next king was also a Blaiddyd.

Obviously people are going to assume it was simply because “That’s How Faerghus Works”, but when there’s no mention of it, there’s no confirmation for us to go by. How do we know he didn’t just adopt some orphan that took to him considering he’s good with children? How do we know he didn’t decide to not have a Blaiddyd as king because of the emotional range they have on top of their physical strength? What if he decided it was a dangerous combination and he didn’t want his child to live with that, so decided to adopt?

The thing is, we don’t know much about Faerghus post game except that there’s another prince after Dimitri, and Edelgard would have a similar ending. It doesn’t have to be her child or even an adopted child, but eventually another emperor would have to take her place. Considering all Dimitri cares about is that his land has a guide for the people, he wouldn’t really care about who the leader was as long as his people were happy and healthy.

Which, like, if you look at irl situations, that’s not being conservative. Irl people who are in power don’t give a flying fuck about the people they have power over. You get decrepit straight rich white men who make decisions for the populace without consulting them, and they have a small group of such people who decide everyone’s fate based on what they want or think is right.

Considering how Dimitri is king because of his bloodline but actually only sees himself as a guide to help his people, seeing the people themselves as the real rulers of their own land, I’d say that’s... very unique and specific to him. In all FE games you get bloodline based leadership, but it doesn’t mean the leader is bad. Eliwood is next in line for leadership based strictly on a bloodline, but so what? He’s just a nice dude who hates war. Just because he was born into a ruling bloodline doesn’t mean he’s a bad ruler or shouldn’t be any sort of leader. Saying Dimitri is bad or conservative for living what he knows is the same saying that yeah, Eliwood is a trash conservative and horrible leader to his people simply because he’s leading based on inheritance and not uwu merit.

When you look at Dimitri and Rufus, both candidates in line for the throne (i.e. if Lambert died without any kids, the throne would automatically be given to Rufus because he’d be the only royal left), Dimitri is an amazing “ruler” (which I use in quotes because he really doesn’t rule so much as figure out what his people want and base his final decisions on that. He’s basically there to keep the peace and keep organization while letting the people have a say in how they live, which is extremely different than any other lord or royal we’ve ever had in the franchise).

Rufus on the other hand doesn’t even really rule, but instead lets the country fall apart through his lack of ruling. He may not be a crazy tyrant, but he certainly doesn’t care about the country or the state it’s in. They’re both in the same bloodline and both have immediate claim to the throne (i.e. if anything happened to Dimitri, Rufus is immediately next in line), but despite both being born into that possibility, they both have very different ways of handling it; that being, Rufus doesn’t handle it at all, so he doesn’t go by “I’m next in line after Dimitri if he has no children but I don’t care to rule even if it tears the country apart”. Does that make him better than Dimitri simply because he isn’t ruling when he could be when Dimitri hadn’t come of age? By these people’s arguments, yeah, he’s the better ruler because he’s not being “conservative”. Fact is, he’s not ruling at all, so they’re seeing a Blaiddyd who could rule deciding not to. So, by their standards... Rufus is good and progressive.

You could be “progressive” and not go by a monarchy and still be a horrible ruler. You could have people vote in a new leader who sounds great when they tell you their plans, then they get into their new position of power and it’s all downhill from there. I’m not just saying that because of my feelings for Edelgard and Dimitri either - I’m saying that because I’m living in a country where that shit actually happens. Potential leaders will make everything sound good, and then once they’re in power, people might turn around and realize well oh shit, that was a Bad Choice.

And, you guessed it, I’m going back to my old buddy Ashnard. He’s the “last in time Tee Em” as far as anyone knows in-universe. Once he’s dead, there’s nobody to take his place because he killed everyone else in the royal family indirectly through use of the Blood Pact. So, is he now progressive and good because he knows once he’s dead that the next Stronkers person will take over for him? Knows that he Has No Children Tee Em and so the monarchy is finished? By their argument, well, Ashnard is progressive and good, all the actions he took before and after be damned. You hear that, Ashnard? You’re a good man now!

Mind you, the only surviving Daein royal wouldn’t rule anyway, so I guess he’s good and progressive too because he just wouldn't wouldn’t want to or care about that. He’s not as easily pulled into something as Pelleas, where Pelleas was just told “you’re the prince” and he was like “oh okay guess I’ll just rule or something”.

If my favorite characters reflected my morals, that would be a WILD ride. If you tried to learn about me from knowing my favorite FE7 character is Ephidel, then tried to form a solid basis about me knowing my favorite from Houses is Dimitri, I’d like to see what nonsense they cook up with that. Ephidel doesn’t even have morals or ideals but he’s still my favorite.

What you’re describing is people who can’t see flaws in their favorite(s) and are totally blind to it, which is... well, not a good thing. One thing that says a lot about someone’s favorites is how they view them and if they bash other people for not liking their favorites, yet argue all negative things about another character (for me, as an example of someone I don’t like: Ionius. I don’t like him as a person, but I do see him as a good father to Edelgard in the sense that he loves her and cares about her. I think what he’s done is shitty and I would never like him as a person, but I wouldn’t say he’s devoid of any good qualities whatsoever, because hell, at least he loves his child and just wants the best for her. Just because I don’t like what he’s done doesn’t mean I shut myself off from seeing and accepting any good traits in his character). It’s also disturbing when people think it’s good and okay for innocent people to be sacrificed/killed for a rich person in power’s goals. That’s exactly what rich people in power want. They see the people below them as pawns and see us as faceless, nameless numbers that they rule over.

Also, I believe it says a lot about someone’s maturity when they can’t accept flaws in their fictional favorites to the point of having to target another group of people and put down their own favorites in any stretched, possibly way because they can’t handle their favorites having flaws and those flaws being discussed. To me it says a lot about a person based on how they act. I feel differently about a person when I see them behave with a completely closed mind, attacking other people who enjoy a form of media and its writing, while refusing to take criticism for the things they enjoy. Some of my favorites don’t always say or do the best shit, but for some reason Edelgard stans just... can’t accept nor fathom the idea that she’s anything but perfect and firmly believe she has no negative traits and is always completely right. There’s no “that’s bad”. It’s always “sure, that’s bad, BUT”.

a certain part of this fanbase has effectively gaslit themselves into believing that the openly imperialistic, warmongering, and borderline authoritarian character (tmw your cartoonishly evil henchman has a secret police force created for the sole purpose of killing people who rebel against your rule/regime 🥴) is like, an uber leftist revolutionary hero. probably so they can pat themselves on the back for being True Activists™️ bc god knows they don’t do shit irl lol

This is basically the best way of putting it, tbh. I also agree that yeah, these are the exact people who will harass and bully people online until they delete their accounts and leave because these stans can’t tolerate anyone except their hivemind existing on this planet (and yes, you might be aware this actually has recently happened in this fandom, very specifically and noticeably being Edelgard stans who incited it for LITERALLY no reason other than to do it, and to upset someone who liked Faerghus and not their uwu girlboss who was just posting their thoughts and headcanons about Faerghus and its characters. the stans in question ignored everything that was actually happening and dragged stupid ass politics into it over a totally fiction matter and think that’s called “fucking around and finding out”. Yes, that’s how obscenely stupid these “activists” are), and these are the exact people who do nothing irl to help the real world. These are the people who cry activism, but all they do is use bullying and forceful words and don’t do a damn thing irl. The saddest part is, the leaders of the world do more for the world than they do and most of what they do isn’t even good, yet it’s still better than what these children do.

Normally I wouldn’t say their favorites equal their ideals and shit, but they literally argue about politics and what they think is right in a political setting rather than argue reasons for actually enjoying their favorites. In other words, they’re not defending their reasons for liking a character. They’re defending their political views and trying to point at a video game and say “see? hot waifu chick who fawns over you wants these things too, so I’m obviously right!”

It was never about Edelgard as a character. That’s the whole problem. It was always about defending their extreme political views and violently, aggressively hating anyone who doesn’t agree with their political views.

They just happen to like that their views fall in line with a sexy, pretty looking uwu girlboss who paints “them” and gets flustered about it. They just figured they had a hot chick who had the same views as them and liked that.

#DCB Ask #most of this is about characters and media and all that but the end-ish area is more like #when you get out of the media end of it and you see how it was never about media for these people in the first place #they just use media to point at it and go 'look it agrees with my views''#they use media to further their agenda and don't treat it simply as media to be enjoyed #THAT is why Houses ended up with so much discourse. the stans couldn't just see it as enjoyable media #they wanted to drag their extreme views and behaviors into /something/ and found media to do it with #instead of leaving their irl political stances at the door they brought them into the media house #and they literally treat people who enjoy Faerghus/Leicester as their political enemies #it was never about what we enjoy in the characters there for these people #that's why they ignore any arguments about us discussing our enjoyment of the characters #and turn their harassment into wah wah politics #my politics are Ike and that's all I'm saying lmao

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unfortunate-songbird · 2 years

Text

WHY LEO DIDNT DESERVE ANY OF WHAT HE WENT THROUGH: an essay by me

movie spoilers :)

ok so at the beginning of the movie he’s shown screwing around when he should be training, yeah?

okay, yes, arguably irresponsible, but considering it’s been 2 years since shredder and there’s no mention of any other formidable foes besides your typical Large Pig, Married Couple, and Bug Man, it’s understandable that he’s pretty lax about everything. Dont get me wrong, I totally get Ralph’s side! He’s constantly worried about a new threat appearing when they least expect it, plus even their regular missions can be life threatening if they aren’t careful

but dude Leo’s just goofing off and having a funky time, he doesn’t deserve the Epic Emotional Beatdown he gets in the movie

“Oh, but he’s just in general egotistical and braggy”

yeah. he’s 16. Donnie has probably broken the Geneva convention at least twice man idk. He’s a dumbass turtle doing dumbass things.

Then we get to the argument. What really gets me here is that Leo is visibly listening and taking what Raph says to heart- until the moment it gets too dark for him. Saw this pointed out somewhere else, but man really does use humor to cope. of course, in doing so he brushed off Ralph’s very real and important concerns, frustrating him

the fight over the key? Yeah, not his best work.

in his defense tho, if he actually knew the severity of the situation, he’s proven before that he can be completely serious (even while keeping his jokey persona) when things get more drastic. I truly believe after they meet Casey, things stop being about straight overconfidence. Leo goes into the fight jokey, but it’s been proven many times that he will often quip while putting his all into his battles, so that’s not the best judge of how seriously he’s actually taking it. he doesn’t insist everyone stays behind to get the key. he goes out himself, taking the risk because Casey is desperate to get it for really good reasons! I think his actions there- while somewhat reckless- would’ve been seen in a positive manner in most other movies. He’s taking the risk to grab the literal World-Destroying object.

then Raph gets taken

Leo has a panic attack, and he’s more visibly distraught than we’ve ever seen him, to the point where he gets actually, genuinely, dangerously angry for the first time in the entire franchise. He’s probably blaming himself for getting Raph caught.

His stubbornness next isn’t because he’s overconfident. He’s just so focused on getting Raph back, no matter what. He HAS to get his big brother back. Leo doesn’t consider waiting to plan, or retreating, not when it would feel like giving up on his brother. He’s blindly consumed by his fear and desperation. He makes a lot of bad decisions because of it, don’t get me wrong! They were Bad Decisions! But I really think they weren’t about ego, not really.

I’m glad he learned a lot of valuable lessons but I’m also worried about the like

MASS amount of trauma he has now. Like, that’s some Heavy stuff. The trade off of character development vs whatever all this new trauma and greatly worsened self-sacrificial tendencies (bc they already existed in the show and are probably going to get concerningly worse) might not be the best. worried about that guy

anyway I really want to see what they do there because that was a roller coaster and the long term effects could be really interesting to watch

Also does anyone else see a lot of parallels between Leo and c!Tommy from the dream smp or is that just me? Like:

-cocky/confident persona to cope and also bc it’s funny

-self worth issues lmao

-the amount of character development needed could’ve easily happened with like,, some minor trauma but no they get the whole sha bang

-ping pongs between overconfident and low self esteem and also “nothing is ever my fault” vs “everything is my fault”

-16 y/old brutally beaten by an unbeatable foe in an inescapable prison only to eventually get out alive despite all odds

This post is kind of a mess lmao

#rottmnt leo #rottmnt spoilers #rottmnt #rottmnt movie #rise of the tmnt movie #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt movie spoilers #rottmnt season 3 #dsmp #c!tommy #c tommy

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swashbucklery · 3 years

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Ok so for reasons that are not relevant I, a 23 year old, have just finished watching battlestar galactica for the first time in this the year two thousand and twenty two and I don’t know anyone besides my family who has seen it so I have to ask: do you think bill and Saul explored each others bodies

as;lkdfj;saljfa so true story when I first read this ask I had this moment of sheer. . .why would you ask us, a narnia blog. . .

AND THEN I REMEMBERED the deep lore of BSG fandom was lost to time bc all of that was pre-Tumblr so STRAP IN AND LET ME GIVE YOU AN OLD PERSON YELLS AT CLOUD ESSAY ON BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.

So like. First of all, and I truly mean this from the bottom of my heart to this day, I will always treasure BSG fandom for being one of the single most courteous and thoughtful fannish experiences of my life with regard to spoilers and I wish that more folks would learn from them. Because, as you likely have realized, there are some key plot beats through the series that benefit from being surprises. And not surprises in the new-MCU-movie way of like, this is unwatchable once you know the twist. But surprises as in oh, [redacted] is actually [redacted], I want to go back and rewatch the episode because this recontextualizes what I've just seen!! And because the miniseries aired in 2003 and the series didn't start until 2005, there were a lot of new folks catching up throughout the run and the statute of limitations on posting untagged spoilers was broadly seen to be a year from time of airing. And that included user icons with spoilers. A truly magical time.

And even with that, when I told friends of mine I was thinking of getting into the series (which i think I caught up midway through S2's airing?), they very sweetly would check exactly which episode I was on before chatting with me about it to be sure they didn't feed me any future plot elements and just - so thoughtful. So kind.

The second thing that I think is really unique - and like I've seen this in other fandoms but it felt so pronounced in BSG, is that depending on your perspectives and which characters you gelled with most, you and other fans could sometimes be watching an entirely different series.

What I mean by that is, there are multiple perspectives on who might be considered the "main character" of that show or at least the access point character of that show, bc it was such a big ensemble with so many interwoven throughlines. So like, some people were watching it as The Story Of Laura Roslin And Some Fucking Idiots, some people were watching it as Kara Thrace Makes Bad Decisions (and some other idiots), some people watched it as Bill Adama Learns To Not Army So Hard, some people were watching The Story Of Gaius Baltar Who Sure Does Regret His Life Decisions, some people were watching Lee Adama Is Trying His Best: The Series - you see.

Because I was (as ever) heavily invested in femslash fandom, the show I was watching was Kara Thrace Make Bad Decisions And Has Several Boyfriends (And Girlfriends), as well as the sadly underrated sub-series Cylons Have So Many Feelings And It's Great.

And so for a hot second I read your ask and was like. . .who the fuck are Bill and Saul.

I got there, though.

Anyway: Bill and Saul were definitely Old Army Buddies, and depending on how you interpret that I think the answer can be most likely an unqualified yes.

#name two bsg characters who haven't explored each others bodies honestly #it was a stressful time!#bears beets battlestar galactica #fandom nursing home for elderly twentysomethings (and thirtysomethings too!)

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bnuyfrowns · 2 years

Text

the official rant post for the treatment of nathan prescott and josh washington in their respective games and also by the fandoms. obvious major spoilers for life is strange (& before the storm) and until dawn.

i also want to preface this by saying that i am not excusing their actions. obviously the things they did were bad but i’m just here to provide a bit of background as to where they were coming from and why their endings shouldn’t have been as awful as they were. i’ll also make it so there’s a ‘keep reading’ bc this ended up being a very long post.

there’s also links to videos/photos where i reference them where i could.

nathan prescott - life is strange

there’s a lot to cover here. so i’ll start with the situation from the beginning, where nathan can kill chloe. the gun was there for show, i think, and whether he actually intended to use it is up for interpretation. it’s important to note that he didn’t want to kill chloe, but i’m not excusing him of the fact that he physically kills someone. he only pulls the trigger, however, once she pushes him. this leads me to think that the trigger may have not been pulled by him consciously, but rather a muscle spasm. he has canonically has these, and we know this both from drew calling him ‘twitch’ when he’s bullying him, as well as one of the medications he’s shown to take being diazepam, which can be used to treat muscle spasms. once again not excusing him of murder, but this may have been what had happened rather than him just pulling the trigger for the fun of it like some people think.

then for everything else. nathan’s circumstances are very complicated. he had grown up with a very overbearing and controlling father, who even in adolescence seems to be still behind every decision that nathan makes and everything that he does. and horribly, this also extends to nathan’s medical needs. sure, nathan is receiving psychiatric help, but i wouldn’t consider it much help considering how much of it is controlled by nathan’s father. this is seen most evidently through the conversations that chloe can overhear at the hospital (sean being nathan’s father):

sean: why has my son been assigned to you? i never authorised that he be seen by- doctor: i was assigned because nathan was becoming quite upset- sean: so they sent a psychiatrist? because my son was upset? doctor: please mr. prescott. your son needs serious psychiatric help. sean: my son needs nothing from you.

doctor: sir, i believe your son is manifesting serious and alarming symptoms. allow me the chance to- sean: nathan’s already getting more than enough attention from one of you! i am fed up with these made up problems!

so nathan receives ‘help’ that doens’t help him all that much at all. and his meltdowns and behaviour are all covered up by his behaviour in order to keep up appearances. it’s no wonder that when nathan finds a father figure and mentor in jefferson, he’s pretty much willing to do whatever’s he’s asked. jefferson praised his work and treated him nicely (at least at first), and this support was something that nathan had craved for a very long time.

jefferson knew that he was manipulating nathan, he says it to max - ‘you used nathan’ / ‘i prefer the term “manipulated”. like with an image… nathan’s was easy to twist around’ - and he was more than happy to use nathan in order to get funding for his sick hobbies.

of course nathan’s involvement with everything cannot be ignored, he himself drugged chloe in an attempt to impress jefferson, and he was the one who drugged kate and brought her to the dark room, along with other girls that we don’t know about. however i don’t believe that nathan was the one to kill rachel, but rather it was jefferson who then blamed it on nathan. jefferson canonically blames another murder on nathan - ‘i’m sorry that i killed- that nathan killed [chloe] in self-defence’ - so who’s to say that he hasn’t done this already, and jefferson is our only source of information says that nathan had killed rachel.

then there’s the photo that nathan supposedly took with rachel’s corpse. first of all, i think it’s very unlikely that nathan took the photo at all considering that he was actually pretty good friends with rachel. this is evident both from the photo of the two of them seen in rachel’s bedroom, as well as how excited nathan had been when he had mistaken max for rachel in the diner. this was after rachel had died, and is a pretty odd reaction to seeing somebody that you had supposedly killed and then taken pictures with their corpse. also, in the photo nathan, in my opinion, looks pretty out of it, which leads me to think that maybe jefferson had drugged him too and posed them together.

it’s also extremely important to note that nathan was extremely regretful of his actions, with him saying in his voicemail to max, ‘i just wanted to say… i’m sorry. i didn’t want to hurt kate or rachel, or… i didn’t want to hurt anybody. everybody… used me.’ this confession of guilt around rachel could be explained by it being an internalised confession, in which he truly believed he was the one to kill rachel, due to his guilt or even jefferson making him believe that he had done it; or maybe he did kill her, we’ll never know.

but in the end justice is never served for nathan. he never gets to move on from his mistakes, to own up to them and have his redemption. instead, he is killed by jefferson, his abuser, in a situation where ‘the police will never find his body’.

josh washington - until dawn

obviously a big point of this game is that all the characters are bad, they’re all assholes, none of them are very nice people (besides sam). it just so happens that these were josh’s friends, and were also the people that indirectly caused both of josh’s sisters to go missing and never be found again. josh, who is revealed to have had a history of mental illness since he was 11, is overcome with depression following these events, even attempting suicide at one point. at 20, he comes up with a plan to prank his friends, with the intention to scare them and make them feel panicked, ‘like his sisters did’.

it’s important to note that josh didn’t actually intend for this prank to physically harm any of the group (with the exception of when ashley is knocked out). when chris is forced to choose between killing ashley or josh, the saw is always rigged to go towards josh. and when chris is forced to choose between killing himself or ashley, the gun is filled with blanks and the saw is not actually able to reach them at all. it was all about making them scared, rather than actually hurting them.

also extremely important to note, josh is schizophrenic, but is neither properly diagnosed nor treated for this. he is receiving medication and treatment for mental illness, however it is only for depression. in the game he is shown to experience very vivid and very gory hallucinations including things such as his sisters corpse’s blaming him for their deaths - ‘why did you want us to die?’ - as well as walls seeming to move and breathe, and a dismembered pig’s head which comes out of the wall. he also hallucinates sessions with his psychiatrist, where his lack of touch with reality is mocked, and lines such as ‘you’re a sick fuck!’ are common especially towards the end.

his behaviour could also be associated with withdrawal from his prescribed medication, phenelzine, which he most likely stopped taking during the beginning of the game. he was also prescribed a dosage of this medication four times higher than the typical dosage. but as well as this, his schizophrenic symptoms were also completely untreated.

josh also genuinely believed that his friends would forgive him after the prank. he thought they would all laugh it off and go back to normal afterwards, he’s actually shocked when they’re all mad at him once he reveals himself. but his friends pretty much leave him for dead after this. he’s tied up and left in a barn where they were going to leave him until morning. when they find out that josh will most certainly be killed if left alone, only chris is willing to go and help him. but even chris doesn’t treat him well besides this. when being taken to the barn, the player can choose to have mike and chris punch josh, and chris can even hit josh on the head with a baseball bat, knocking him out.

and to top it all off, josh has only two possible endings in the game. he can either be killed by his own wendigo-turned sister, or become a wendigo himself. he cannot escape, nobody rescues him, and either way he’s pretty much left to rot with no chance of redemption.

that’s all. and thanks for reading if you got this far, this ended up being way longer than i thought it would be holy shit. also i’m happy to discuss any part of this with people :)

#nathan prescott #life is strange #life is strange: before the storm #lis #lis bts #josh washington #until dawn #this took me literally ages oh my god #also this doesn’t even cover everything there were some things i left out but i feel like these were the most important points

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