#like. I’m FINE right now but kind of having a little existential mortality crisis over having to consider it as a possibility

[torchickentacos]

[e-one-seven]

(I hate being a literature student. Just know that literature students have a bad habit of over-analyzing stuff, and apparently D&D games are not exceptions.)

Normally I don't talk about ships. I think that everybody is free to ship whoever character they want with who they want and I am no one to judge them. Especially if the characters in question are from a live role playing game and one of the ships in question involves a couple controlled by a couple who is married IRL. But this one. Oh boy. Laura Bailey is an absolute beast and she deserves all the respect in the world if even a fraction of what I think it's happening/going to happen will effectively happen in game.

Fjord kissed Jester. He asked for her permission and he got it. It was beautiful. And I am genuinely freaking out because I knew that was going to happen and it's even worse than I imagined it. Why am I talking about it like it is something bad? Because it's possible that Jester is not ready to be in a relationship right now, and that Jester herself is not aware of it. Let's talk about it from the beginning.

Jester likes Fjord from the beginning of the campaign, we all know that. When Jester met Fjord for the first time, she was a sheltered girl who, in her head, just met the perfect man: a proud and strong sailor who wants to live an adventurous life just like the heroes of her novels, and she easily identified herself as the heroine the hero will inevitably fall in love with. They meet the rest of the Nein, live on their adventures and Jester keeps on acting like she is the Guinevere of her personal love story inside her head, while Fjord is blissfully unaware of what is happening inside the skull of his new friend.

Then Fjord meets Avantika, a mature woman who seems to share many traits and interests with him. Jester is clearly jealous, especially after that they sleep together to seal their alliance. That is also the moment when Jester starts to see Fjord's flaws and she seems to be willing to accept them, which is actually a point in favor for a possible relationship between them. But Fjord is still unaware of what the special attention of the blue tiefling actually means.

Then she meets a real married couple, and she starts to realize that romance is not always like she imagined it was. Nott/Veth and Yeza are married and have a child, and they are not as dependent to each other like the heroes of her novels: Nott does her own things and she is a strong independent woman and Yeza is pretty much the same, they are not allowed to be as intimate as they used to be because of "Nott's condition", but they still love and support each other through and through. And at this point, Jester starts to notice that there is a member of the Mighty Nein that seems to show her that unconditional love and support that Nott and Yeza radiate with every action: Caleb Widogast.

Caleb used to be a stinky wizard, a brash individual who joined the group just because he was too squishy to survive on his own. But ever since they are in Xhorhas, he cleaned himself, he is kinder with everyone and he wants to help her organize the Traveler Con even if the event has nothing to do with him directly. Jester is visibly touched by his newfound beauty and kindness. But he still loves Astrid. He called Jester with her name when they danced together in Hupperdook. And he seems to be interested in Essek Thyless too, so she is probably imagining it. The Mighty Nein travel, grow more powerful, and Fjord manages to set himself free from Uk'utoa's influence and becomes a Paladin of the Wildmother. He finally becomes more similar to the hero Jester imagined he was when he met him for the first time, but she seems to be only minimally bothered by his change. She needs time to think because she feels that something is changing inside her. Fjord might not be the right one after all. Caleb is always there for here with all his support, and she starts to want to be there for him.

Eventually, they stop the war, they defeat a fire god and Caleb sets up wonderful magic and illusions so that the Traveler Con is a success. But then, during the last night of the gathering, something happens and Sehanine, the Moonweaver herself is angry. She is taking Artagan away, and Jester is willing to follow him in the Feywild and share his punishment... but Fjord grabs her and begs her not to go. She has still the Mighty Nein, she has still him. For the first time Fjord is being explicit about his feelings for her. Luckily everything goes well and the Mighty Nein are free to come back to Wildemount... Where she finds out about Caleb's past and his intent to save his friend Eadwulf and his former lover Astrid from Trent Ikithon. They go dance again, Caleb pushes her in Fjord's arms, and the half-orc gives her a present. There is definitely something. But there is Caleb too, but he is too busy trying to deal with his demons to pay attention to her.

Jester meets Astrid and she antagonizes her. She is jealous, she thinks that Astrid is Caleb's ideal woman and she realizes they are not alike at all. She is a talented and ambitious wizard, while she is just Jester, the cleric of an Archfey. Astrid is just like Essek, and Caleb is attracted by Essek. Jester understands if Caleb doesn't like her after all: why should he be interested into a childish cleric whose power is not even her own? They are just very good friends. That's all. He should be back with Astrid and she will support him if that will happen once that she will be free from Trent Ikithon's influence. But Caleb is still so kind, and loving, and supportive... she is really confused about it. But he is kind and loving with all of his friends, so in the end it might not be important.

And then, there is Eiselcross with its weird ancient magic. A magic as dangerous as the one they found in the Happy Fun Ball, which contained a Blue Dragon and a trap that managed to kill Nott without them being able to prevent it. Everything is dangerous and the Mighty Nein realize as the time passes by that not everyone of them could get out of there alive, especially given what and who they are trying to stop. And Jester herself falls into a trap: she is given a vision that confirms to the Mighty Nein that what they feared is true, that the Tomb Takers' objective is to bring an eldritch floating city scary enough to cause a Morkoth into voluntary exile back to Exandria, where it intends to absorb its inhabitants into its hive mind. The price to pay for the vision are 5 years of her life. "Growing old" is different than "growing up", and it happens to her in a matter of seconds. Jester is five years closer to death now, and it is possible that she is lucky they are just five. The minor changes in her appearance are a reminder of what it could have happened if she wasn't lucky, and she has no idea about what else changed about herself and what will change in her personal life and relationships because of that accident. All she knows right now is that these might be her last days alive and she is afraid she might be missing something before her untimely death.

(And she would not be silly to think about it. After all, who they are facing is reminding all of the Mighty Nein that even if they are becoming powerful they are still mortal beings.)

And when she is in the middle of a mild existential crisis and confusion reigns inside her head, Fjord declares. And Jester, still willing to believe that she is her old self, the young woman who left Nicodronas and miraculously met the man of her dreams that will lead her to live an exciting life full of love and adventures, accepts to kiss him. It is very likely that she was not thinking about anything in that moment, but one thing: "If I say yes to Fjord it means that I am still me, right? It is happening because it was supposed to happen from the beginning, because we were supposed to be together."

There is just one little problem: Jester is ignoring the fact that she has changed from the person she used to be back then, and it did not happen because a group of stone statues magically aged her up. There is still something for Fjord, she will never forget him as he is and he will always be her first love. But she has some feelings for Caleb too, and even if she is "a good liar" they might be too strong for her to simply ignoring them. After all, Caleb "I was trained to lie and kill for the Empire" Widogast did an excellent job when he was trying to hide them. There are some clues here and there that hint that Jester might love Caleb as much as he loves her and that she wants him to be happy, even with other people... just like he wants it for her. Add the trauma she is just starting to deal with, and there is almost no way that her current relationship with Fjord is going to evolve into something healthy and angst free right now. This if that kiss was the effective beginning of a serious relationship, and not the promise of a future relationship between them if she will be still available. 

But these are the vibes that the beginning of a relationship between them is giving to me right now, and nothing will be confirmed until Laura Bailey will show up to Talks Machina to talk about it. I am also curious about how she will react when she will see Essek again: when the stakes were not high she used to tease him to be with Caleb... but now she has met Astrid, she might have feelings for him and being in a relationship with another person, and Caleb states that he doesn't trust him. I guess that if she still does, it will be mostly an attempt to show to everyone that nothing changed for her and that she is fine (and that would be a huge step back into her character development, but it was her defense mechanism until the Rumblecusp arc and she is dealing with a lot of serious stuff all together right now).

I'm not saying that the ship is going to die: I'm saying that because of the circumstances behind how it was made official and the relationship between all the character involved, I would say that it is very likely that it will lead to some cute moments, but that it eventually won't last. This is especially true if it will confirmed that Jester has feelings for Caleb too, as feelings for another person are not easy to get rid off, and I am fully expecting Jester to angst and talk to someone about them at some point. She needs to achieve true clarity and accept that she is going to break someone's heart in order to be in a healthy, happy relationship. Because, let's face it, we all imagined Jester would have been much happier if she'd ever entered into a relationship, shouting about it out loud so that everyone know. There is something weird here. So, or either the kiss is a promise, or Jester's heart is not fully into it and this means trouble.

But yes, Laura Bailey promised us that she would have romanced Travis's character and she is doing it. And whatever it will be the final result, she is still a legend for having achieved the impossible once more.

PS: Obviously this post in the end means nothing, as no one owns and knows the full truth behind the intent of these characters but the actors who control them. I just wanted to give my two cents about the question. It's more likely that this development will prevent Jester to suffer from a mental breakdown in Eiselcross instead of causing her to suffer from one, but I tend to over-analyze stuff. Please forgive me for this.

PS2:  As a final note, it would have been the same even if Caleb would have been in Fjord's place, if not even worse: I wrote a post about Caleb in Eiselcross too, and between him and Jester I have no idea of who is the most messed up at the moment. Poor children...

[fanimesenseiwrites]

Hoshiko dealing with depression and their own mortality. Brothers worried. Cute times. Sexy times in part 2.

Existential Crisis (pt. 1)

"... I'm so glad you've returned to us."

"I wish I could stay forever..."

Lucifer's words as well as their own echoed around in Hoshiko's head as they drew a bath for themself.

Hoshiko had just returned to the Devildom, to their family, so why weren't they happy? Why couldn't they get this feeling of dread out of their head?

They were pulled from their thoughts when they heard the bedroom door open. Hoshiko walked out of the bathroom and into their bedroom.

"Hey! There you are!" Mammon exclaimed from where he was standing in the doorway.

Hoshiko smiled at him. "Hey, I was just about to take a bath."

He pouted. "I want to hang out with you though."

"So come on in and hang out with me."

"... okay. " he walked in cautiously and closed the door behind him. "It's just you in here?"

"Yeah," They told him as they started to undress.

He blushed and glanced away. "So, uh..."

"Why don't you take a bath with me?" Hoshiko suggested.

He looked at them. "You sure?"

"Yeah, you're not Asmo," they joked.

"Yeah, I'm way better than him..." he told them as he shrugged off his leather jacket.

Hoshiko chuckled and went to check on the bath, they added some bubble soap.

Mammon walked into the bathroom when he was down to just his boxers. "You really want me to take a bath with you?" He asked, a little nervous.

"Yes, I really do," Hoshiko told him as they put their hair up in a bun on top of their head.

"Okay." He slipped off his boxers and got into the tub.

Hoshiko got in after him and turned off the water before leaning back against him so that their back was touching his chest.

"... there's a lot of bubbles in this bath," Mammon commented awkwardly.

"Have you never taken a bubble bath before?" Hoshiko asked him.

"Uh, no. That's more of an Asmo thing."

"Well that's kinda exciting that your first one is with me." Hoshiko grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together.

"Yeah..." he looked at their hands.

"Mammon, you're too quiet. What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing's wrong."

"You promise?"

"Yeah, yeah."

Hoshiko leaned their head back so that they could look at his face. "Do you like me?"

He looked at them. "What? Yeah I like you. What the hell kind of question is that?"

"Do you like me enough to want to hang out with me forever?"

He blushed. "Forever?"

"Yeah... I don't want to leave..." They looked back down at the bubbles.

He wrapped his arms around Hoshiko. "Then don't leave."

Hoshiko gripped his arms with both of their hands. "But I also can't stay, at least not as I am. I may be here now but I'll get old and I won't last... but all of you won't change, while I grow old and die. If I'm to age like that, I'd rather it be done in the human world where everyone will change with me..."

Mammon squeezed them tighter. "So... we just gotta make you immortal. Easy," his tone was somber.

Hoshiko chuckled softly. "Yeah, if only it were."

Mammon sighed and rest his cheek against the side of Hoshiko's head.

They sat in the tub quietly until the water got cool.

"... we should get out, " Hoshiko eventually decided.

"Yeah..." Mammon let go of them and Hoshiko stood up and grabbed a towel.

They stepped out of the tub and dried off before handing another towel to Mammon.

He stood up and took it. "Thanks." He dried off and stepped out of the tub.

Hoshiko pulled the plug in the tub before going into the bedroom and pulling out a night gown and slipping it on.

Mammon put his boxers back on first, then went to grab the rest of his clothes.

"Will you just stay with me tonight?" Hoshiko asked him, their voice small and unsure.

Mammon looked at them. "Yeah." He put his clothes back down on a chair.

Hoshiko climbed into bed.

Mammon turned off the light and then climbed into bed with Hoshiko.

They snuggled up to him.

He pulled the blanket around them before wrapping his arms around Hoshiko.

Hoshiko fell asleep easily in his arms.

Mammon fell asleep pretty quickly too.

Hoshiko woke him up in the morning with a kiss.

"Mm..." he kissed back when he woke up. "Mornin'..."

Hoshiko smiled. "I've got breakfast duty this morning so I'm getting up." They sat up and stretched. "You should go to your room before Lucifer wakes up."

He groaned. "Okay..." he still didn't move though.

"Mammon..." Hoshiko whined and shook him.

He grinned and pulled Hoshiko back into a laying position, holding them tightly to keep them from getting back up.

Hoshiko squealed. "Mammon!"

He laughed and kissed them.

Hoshiko kissed back but pulled away quickly. "Come on, we have to get up, really."

He groaned. "Fine..."

They pulled the covers off of them.

He got up so that Hoshiko could get up.

"Thank you." They got up and got ready for school.

Mammon put on his clothes from the night before.

Hoshiko hugged him before he left the room. "Thanks for staying with me last night."

"No problem," He told them as he hugged back. "You should get started on breakfast before Lucifer gets onto you... or worse, Beel."

They laughed. "Yeah." They pulled away and headed to the kitchen.

Mammon went back to his room to put his school uniform on. He headed back down to the kitchen once he was dressed.

Hoshiko had already made an obnoxious amount of pancakes.

"I don't know that I'll ever get used to seeing your human food..." Mammon commented as he grabbed a pancake from the stack and then ate it as it was.

"But you're fine eating it?" Hoshiko asked teasingly.

"Yeah, you're a good cook," he said with his mouth full of pancake.

They chuckled and shook their head. They got a pot of coffee started before going back to the stove to scramble an ungodly amount of eggs.

Beelzebub was the next brother to come into the kitchen. "Oh it smells delicious~"

"Stop," Hoshiko commanded right before he grabbed some food.

He stopped in his tracks but then pouted. "Why?"

"Is Belphegor awake?"

"Uh, I tried to get him up but-"

"No buts. Go get him up and then you can come eat. Tell him he won't like it if I have to come up there."

Beel pouted and went back upstairs begrudgingly.

Satan and Lucifer were the next ones downstairs.

"Good morning Satan, Lucifer~ there's coffee ready for y'all," Hoshiko told them as they set the food out on the table.

"Thank you," Lucifer replied politely.

"You're an angel," Satan told them before going to get coffee.

Hoshiko smiled slightly as they set out silverware.

Beelzebub walked back into the dining room alone, soon after.

Hoshiko looked at him. "Where's Belphie?"

"Uh, he said that he wasn't afraid of you and then rolled over to go back to sleep..." he told them sheepishly.

Hoshiko narrowed their eyes. "I see."

Lucifer sighed and started to head back upstairs.

Hoshiko grabbed his arm to stop him. "Don't worry about it. I've got it. You sit and eat."

Lucifer looked at them. "Really?"

"Yes." They looked at Beel. "Thank you anyways, you can go ahead and eat."

He grinned and immediately sat down to eat.

Hoshiko went upstairs and went to Beelzebub and Belphegor's room. They walked in and closed the door behind them before walking straight to Belphegor's bed. "Belphie~ it's time for breakfast~" They sang sweetly.

He groaned quietly but otherwise didn't respond.

Hoshiko sat next to him on the bed and shook him gently. "Belphie~ If you don't get up I'm going to tickle you~"

"... you wouldn't..." Belphegor's reply came from underneath the covers.

"You really wanna try it?" Hoshiko asked, their voice daring, ready to take up the challenge.

He moved the covers off of him enough to glare at them. "Why are you being mean?"

"I actually saved you from Lucifer coming to get you up so, you're welcome."

He sighed and pulled the covers off of himself.

Hoshiko leaned over and kissed him sweetly.

"Mm..." he kissed back. "That's how you should wake a guy up."

Hoshiko rolled their eyes before smiling at him. "Come on. Get up."

He nodded and sat up.

They stood back up. "I'm gonna go check on Asmo and Levi. Breakfast is ready downstairs. You better get down there before Beel eats it all."

He chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, thanks." He got up and started to get dressed.

Hoshiko only left the room once they saw him getting ready.

Asmo was coming out of his room just as Hoshiko was coming out of Beel and Belphie's.

"Oh good, you're awake," Hoshiko stated once they saw him.

Asmo smiled brightly at them. "Of course I'm awake, it takes time to look this good."

"What are you talking about? You always look perfect," Hoshiko told him with a smile.

Asmo beamed. "Oh you're too sweet!" He hugged and kissed Hoshiko.

They kissed back briefly. "Go get some breakfast. I gotta drag Levi out of bed."

Asmo chuckled. "Okay. Good luck~" he told them as he sauntered off.

Hoshiko went into Levi's room and found him asleep in his gaming chair. They sighed and walked over to him and stroked his cheek. "Leviathan, wake up," Hoshiko sang.

"Huh...?" He cracked his eyes open. He jumped and blushed when he saw Hoshiko right in front of him. "H-Hoshiko! W-why are you in here? And so close?" He whined.

Hoshiko grinned at him. "I'm waking you up. You need to get ready for school."

He just nodded, still blushing.

Hoshiko moved away and gathered his uniform for him.

Levi stood up. "You don't have to do that."

Hoshiko shrugged. "I want to. I want to do stuff for you."

"But... why?" Levi asked as he pulled off his jacket and laid it on his chair.

"I just do. It's how I show people I care," they told him as they looked through all his ties for one that wasn't wrinkled. "Do you have a tie that isn't wrinkled?"

"Uh... I don't know..." Levi told them honestly as he changed into his school shirt.

Hoshiko groaned. "Do I need to buy you one of those special hangers just for ties? Should I steam all your ties for you?"

Levi looked at them. "Why would you do all that for me? I don't even wear the tie usually."

"But its part of the uniform! There's a reason you have a uniform!" They suddenly snapped.

Levi shrank back, equally surprised and scared by their sudden outburst.

Hoshiko sighed and ran a hand over their face. "I'm sorry... I'm not actually upset about your uniform."

"Then what are you upset about?" Levi asked tentatively.

"It's nothing, you don't wanna hear about my stupid human problems..." They told him as they left his room and headed back downstairs.

Levi frowned but just finished getting dressed.

Hoshiko just went and filled up a travel mug with coffee when they got back downstairs, not bothering with breakfast.

"Aren't ya gonna eat?" Mammon asked Hoshiko.

"No, I'm not really hungry. I'm just gonna head to RAD."

Satan stood up from his seat at the table. "I'll walk with you. I have to return a book to the school library before class anyways," he explained.

Hoshiko nodded. "Sounds good."

They both grabbed their bookbags before they left, leaving the other brothers behind for the moment.

They walked to school together quietly.

Right before they walked into the school, Hoshiko stopped and looked at Satan.

He stopped and looked at them as well. "Is everything alright?" He had been concerned about how quiet they had been on the walk to school.

"You know that I love you, right?" Hoshiko asked him.

He blushed. "Uh, I suppose I knew..."

Hoshiko nodded. "I do. I love you and appreciate you and I'm glad I've met you."

He furrowed his brow and grabbed their hand. "Is everything alright?"

"What? I can't just tell you that I love you?"

"Of course you can, your tone is just... concerning."

They nodded and looked away from him. "Sorry..." They pulled their hand away and started to walk away.

Satan grabbed their hand again quickly. "I love you too," he confessed quickly, a slight blush staining his cheeks.

Hoshiko smiled at him. "I'm glad to hear it."

He nodded.

"Come on, let's go to homeroom."

"Yes, let's do that." He kept holding their hand while they walked to homeroom. He hadn't forgotten about his book, but he felt it was best to not leave Hoshiko alone at the moment.

When they got into the classroom, Satan sat down in his usual seat and sent Lucifer a quick text, asking to talk later.

After the student council meeting that afternoon, Hoshiko stayed behind to talk to Diavolo.

"I'll wait for you outside," Lucifer told them.

"I'd actually prefer if you didn't, " Hoshiko told him.

"And I'd prefer if you didn't walk home alone," he told them, his voice stern and his brows furrowed.

Hoshiko narrowed their eyes at him.

"I will make sure Hoshiko gets home safely," Diavolo interjected.

Lucifer looked at him and nodded. "Alright. Thank you." He left and went home.

Diavolo closed the door behind Lucifer and looked at Hoshiko. "Now what did you want to talk to me about?"

Hoshiko sighed. "I think I need to go home..."

Diavolo frowned. "Really? But you just got here."

"I mean, not right this second. I just don't think I should be here anymore..."

"Okay, but why?" He reached out to touch their hands.

Hoshiko let him, and actually grabbed his hands in return. "I... it's not that I actually want to go but I just can't stay... the longer I stay the worse it'll be on everyone when I..." They looked down at their hands.

"When you do have to leave," Diavolo finished for them.

"Uh, yeah..." They swallowed thickly.

He nodded. "But its not anything any of the brothers have done, right?"

Hoshiko looked at him. "Absolutely not. They've all been really good actually. I love spending time with them. I love them..." They teared up. "I love them so much I don't want to hurt them."

"You know it will hurt them when you leave."

"I know..." Hoshiko whined, hating the fact that he was right. "But it's also going to hurt when I grow old and die and you all stay the same," they cried.

Diavolo frowned. "You're awfully young to be thinking about death."

"If I don't think about it, it'll sneak up on me."

Diavolo just nodded. "You know everyone wants you to stay, myself included. Would you consider staying a little longer?"

Hoshiko sighed. "Yeah, I'll think about it."

Diavolo nodded. "I'll give you time to do so. Now let's get you home before Lucifer starts to worry."

"Let's be real, he's already worrying."

Diavolo laughed. "You're probably right."

Hoshiko grinned as they wiped the tears from their cheeks. "Come on, let's go."

They both walked to House of Lamentation together.

Part 2

[cognitivefunk]

A Steamy Encounter

Based loosely on the steamy encounter event. Alright it’s been a rough 4 years since I’ve written any sort of fanfiction and it’s my first time writing in second person POV so be gentle~ I wanted to give Dazai a little love because I really like his character and can’t wait for his route!! 

Fandom: Ikemen Vampire Character: Osamu Dazai Rating: M to E, I didn’t get crazy explicit but it’s 18+ Warnings: Mild Choking, mild dark themes, sexual content, mention of blood Word Count: 6,067

 A deep sigh filled the cavernous room, echoing softly against the walls of the lavish thermae as you sank into the water. Your shoulders and lower back ached from doing laundry for a better half of the afternoon, and internally you reprimanded yourself for ever thinking doing laundry in modern day was a chore since throwing it into the washer and dryer was much easier than scrubbing out the sheets and linen by hand. But you couldn’t find it in you to complain since it did help pass the time and the fresh air outside in the spring sun was a much healthier alternative to the way that you usually spent your days indoors on your computer or on your phone when you weren’t working. While the sun had felt warm on your face at the time, the chill of the evening sank into your bones as you finished up your task for the day, bringing in the laundry before the frost set in for the night. Faintly, you could hear the sound of freezing rain pelting the roof as you close your eyes, focusing on the hot water melting the pain away from your tired muscles, oblivious to your surroundings.

This time of year could be beautiful as buds began to sprout and tiny signs of life from a long winter emerged. It was strange how the seasons matched up when you had walked through that door weeks ago. You may have travelled through time, but some things remained the same. However, maybe it was the lack of big city lights, but the end of winter here seemed harsher than back home. Lost in your reverie, a part of you felt bad for the buds which emerged to the deceitful warmth of spring only to die once night fell, encapsulating new life in a frosty glaze. But such is life, fleetingly beautiful and temporary. You shake your head to clear your thoughts, tilting your head back until the fine hairs at the nape of your neck barely grazed the water, mindful not to let your messy bun touch the water. The fatigue must be getting to you. Living in a mansion full of vampires had you thinking of your own mortality lately, and it was starting to get to you.

Unbeknownst to you, watchful golden eyes examined you from across the bath. He had been sitting still as a statue since he saw you enter the bath, wondering if you had noticed him in the slightest, but realizing that you were off in your own little world. A soft exhale left him as you climbed into the water, relishing in its warmth, your expression was tired and he wondered if Sebastian had worked you too hard today. ‘So tired, poor little bird…’ He was content watching you from afar until that lonely expression crossed your face as you began your mild existential crisis and his body began to move on its own accord.

…Slosh…

               The sound of water startled you from your inner monologue and you clutched your chest out of reflex, eyes scanning the bath, searching for the source of the noise. You could have sworn that this was your bathing block; did you read the schedule wrong?  It hadn’t even occurred to you that somebody else could be using the bath across the steam on the other side; you hadn’t thought to check before sliding in. Internally, you scolded yourself for your carelessness. “Hello?” the greeting lingered in the air, heat creeping up your neck and flushing across your face. ‘Hello? Really, that’s what you think to say in this situation??’ you cringed slightly, wishing you had thought of something a bit more coherent then an informal greeting to the man who was coming closer now.

You hear a faint chuckle before a lilted voice spoke. “Ah, Toshiko-san~ You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to interrupt you!” the lively voice carried well in the thermae. How long had he been sitting there without making any noise? “D-Dazai?” your voice cracked in embarrassment, but part of you was thankful that it was him, as you found him less threatening than some of the others, such as a certain foul-mouthed Dutchman who would likely make you want to change your identity and flee the country if he found you in here. The sound of water rippling and splashing filled the bath again as he crept closer to you, his form becoming clear as he emerged from the steam. A breath hitched in your throat at the prospect of him coming closer, but you didn’t want to make things any more awkward than they already felt by moving.

“I was wondering who had come to join me~ But isn’t your bathing block earlier in the evening? Did you not realize the time Yumiko-san? It’s already so dark…” he questioned playfully, golden eyes shining with a hint of amusement. You sank down again, both arms holding your breasts from his wandering gaze. “Sachiko-san,” he was disarming you, calling you every name under the sun except for yours, “no need to feel self-conscious! I can hardly see anything through all this steam!” He was lying through his teeth, maybe that was true when he was across the water but now that he’s so close it couldn’t possibly be true. But his words sounded so soft and assured with that breezy smile of his, so you chose to believe him anyway. At least that’s what you told yourself. Golden eyes trailed away pointedly as he stretched languidly and situated himself against the wall again, so close that you could reach out and touch him if the fancy struck. But you buried that thought and awkwardly uncrossed your arms, the misty water cupping around your chest, hiding your secrets.

When you lifted your gaze to look in his direction, you could see he had closed his eyes, a serene expression painted on his handsome face. He had been lost in his own reverie when you wandered into the bath, completely unguarded and candid as you were. He found you interesting, someone who wore their heart on their sleeve, with an emotional purity that both enraptured him and made him want to dissect to see what emotion he could provoke. It was for this reason that he felt incredible guilt when he thought about you. He wished that he could have watched you for longer from across the bath, at a distance, but he could not bring himself to sit idly by when you looked like the world was troubling you. What kind of man would he be to leave a girl alone with lonely thoughts to keep her company?

“I’m sorry, the time must’ve slipped from me, I was so focused on laundry that I didn’t think to check the time before I came over..” you reasoned, getting ready to exit the bath until you realized you hadn’t brought the towel over to the edge since you weren’t planning on company. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and you stalled, speaking your thoughts aloud “I should really get going.” You hoped he would offer to leave instead, so you would have time to grab your towel before anyone else came in.

Ever observant as he was, Dazai watched you through a cracked eye from a sidelong glance, enjoying the moment you tried to slink off to the edge only to freeze as panic spread across your features. His laughter filled the air, turning your attention back to him. “No need to feel self-conscious. Back in Japan we bath in mixed baths all the time, right?” He paused, turning to look at you once again, eyes focused on yours with an emotion you could not read. “You know, speaking with you like this reminds me of home…” there was a hint of sadness in his words, a glint of sorrow slowly drowning, replaced by another playful face so quickly you thought you had imagined it. “Besides, if someone else walks in I can hide you behind my back~” he mused, eyes deliberately trailing to the door of the thermae before locking back on your face. The dusty pink color deepened on your cheeks at the thought of anyone else walking in on you like this. You already felt very vulnerable, but at the same time somewhat thankful for Dazai’s offer. Your gaze fell upon his broad shoulders at his suggestion and your throat felt dry suddenly, at the prospect of hiding behind him. You’d never noticed how muscular he was before under that Taisho-style kimono he always wore. The way the water beaded down his chest, dripping off of his hair as his smile deepened and the corner of his eyes crinkled in amusement. You tried to clear your parched throat and reasoned that it was due to the heat of the bath. You must be getting dehydrated.

“It’s cold tonight, isn’t it…” his voice reverberated in a lower register this time, his eyelashes lowering into an alluring glance, which, despite the heat made you shiver. Or maybe it was wishful thinking; you could never quite understand what was going through that man’s head. You cast your eyes down as a reflex, suddenly feeling very small. As an unintended consequence, you came face to face with his abdomen, momentarily becoming entranced by the way the water clung to his toned abs before realizing he had shifted closer soundlessly. How was he able to move through water without you noticing, or was it that your heart rushing through your ears was blocking out the sound of the water around you. The water was misty enough to mask his more private area and your eyes frantically scanned the water looking for somewhere else to focus your gaze on. Your flustered stare did not go unnoticed, stirring a darker emotion within the man. His fingers twitched at his side, you were so close, and your scent was starting to intoxicate him. For a fleeting moment, his eyes glazed over as he pictured capturing your lips beneath his as he slowly drug the both of you under the water, gasping painfully as the water filled both of your lungs—No. He chased away the haunting thoughts that threatened to consume him, a hollow feeling spreading across his chest. He wanted to drown in you yes, maybe fall a little, drenched in desire… but not drag you down into the abyss. Not you. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, lost momentarily in the darkness that consumed his soul.

“Yeah, it is,” you responded, completely oblivious to the war raging on inside the man beside you, and you began rubbing at your left shoulder as another nervous habit, working at a knot that was relaxing from the heat. Your voice ripped him from his mental prison, and his gaze locked onto the hand on your shoulder, and suddenly you were being turned away from the man beside you, your eyebrows knitting together in a confused expression. “Dazai?”

That’s right he wanted to play with you, to paint your face a pretty red and make you tremble in his grasp, but he didn’t want to scare you away. He wasn’t sure if he could handle you running from him. If you were to look at him with fear in your eyes it would not only crush him but would affirm the spiteful, seething voice in his head that reminded him of his own worthlessness. But you, you were such a pretty thing; he couldn’t pluck your wings and taint you with his darker impulses. Not now.

“Shh, relax Sochiko-san! You worked so hard today, you’re such an honest girl aren’t you?” his words had a playful innuendo that you couldn’t miss and you made a squeaking noise when you felt his firm touch on your shoulders, slowly kneading away your fatigue. You were about to push him away but his touch felt fantastic after the long day you had endured. “There, there. Now, isn’t that better? Just like that, relax into me. Let me help,” As he spoke, he pressed into a particularly sore spot and a soft moan escaped your lips. You felt him pause behind you and could have sworn you heard him take in a sharp, soft breath before continuing. “Such an honest girl…” His words felt like electricity in your lower abdomen, lighting you up from inside. Your face was burning as stifled the sounds coming from your traitorous mouth as he worked his magic on your shoulders.

A shudder went through his spine as he listened to your gentle voice, echoing off the walls, the only other sound being the soft ripple of the water and your breathing. He let out a sigh, his jaw tightening as you let your guard down around him. He trailed his fingers up your neck, kneading at the base of your skull, relishing at your closeness. It made his heart ache. He didn’t deserve such sweetness, but he craved it, pined for it. Why were you letting him touch you like this? Did you not realize that he was a man with selfish desires? “You know…rainy nights are my favorite,” he changed the topic, hearing the freezing rain outside blow against the windows of the thermae. For a moment you thought you heard the soft rumble of distant thunder and sighed, contentedly.

“Yeah? I like it when it storms. The sound of thunder makes me happy,” you admitted, too embarrassed to explain that strong storms gave you a sense of arousal akin to fulgarophilia, especially lightning storms. It gave you a sense of adrenaline that you couldn’t quite explain, but you were also fond of dark rainy nights. They made you feel safe.  And right now, you felt safe with Dazai, even if a part of your brain told you that this was a risky situation. You fought the urge to lean into him, when you felt him maneuvering you to face him again.

“Y/n…” again, his voice took on a low, almost sultry tone as he leaned toward you, easily towering over you. It almost felt like whiplash when you realized he said your actual name and not the nicknames he throws around on a whim. Suddenly, you became a lot more aware of the intimacy of your situation.  He lifted your chin with such gentleness it was as though he thought he would break you if he didn’t handle you with utmost care. The heat in his gaze made you feel dizzy, and you closed your eyes instinctively, anticipating his touch when you felt him shift toward you. But instead of feeling lips graze against your parted mouth, you felt his teeth ghost over your ear, his hot breath feeding the flame in your belly. “Dazai?” you whispered, afraid your voice wouldn’t work.

When had your hands betrayed you by resting on his taut, muscular chest? Your fingers curled against his skin and it hadn’t registered that the only thing keeping your bare breasts from being flush against his chest was your hands resting there. His breath was hot on your ear as he murmured, “Do you not see me as a man, y/n-chan?” His question felt heavy in the air, the tension was almost suffocating. “Or can I take it that you want me?” You shivered, taking a gulp at what saliva remained in your mouth and you gasped as you felt his tongue dart out, tracing your earlobe with a wet trail that almost sent you over the edge right then and there. You closed your eyes, daring your voice to speak, “What if s—“

And just like that you were interrupted, and your thoughts were scattered again when you felt his hands wrap around your shoulders, slowly shifting you behind him, all the while murmuring against your ear, “Someone’s coming, Kimiko-san~” You wanted to scream for two reasons. One, being that you were almost caught with Dazai in the bath, which carried several implications but also that you were interrupted from one of those implications becoming reality. You couldn’t deny that you had a crush on the eccentric man, who up until moments ago was massaging you in such an intimate way; you almost thought you would wake up any moment now. But the spell was broken, and the change of name hit you right in the gut with a sinking sensation. A quiet chuckle filled the air, as he studied your reaction, hiding you behind his large frame.

The sounds of footsteps were approaching from down the hallway when Dazai leaned closer, silently cursing the situation and for letting his guard down. He wished he could have heard you sing a little more before letting his little bird go for the night. His lustful desires almost put you in a compromising situation and he chastised himself for nearly losing control. His fangs ached from teasing the shell of your ear before informing you of the incoming guests. Standing from the water, he took his towel and wrapped it around your waist, giving you some cover and warmth as he backed out of the water carefully, making sure you were flush behind him, pressed firmly against his back. “Ayaka-san,” he chimed, seemingly back to the silly nicknames as though nothing had happened, “Do exactly as I say, unless you want Vincent and Theo-kun to see you~”

It was hard to breathe, feeling your soul temporarily exiting your body as you moved, pressed against Dazai’s completely naked form. He had given you his towel for a shred of decency as he maneuvered the two of you toward a back wall of the thermae. You could hear the voices of the two brothers approaching as they laughed among one another, clearly enjoying each other’s company. He snagged his kimono which was draped over a pillar nearby an unlatched window and wrapped it over your shoulders before opening the window to the outside. “It’s cold outside Yumiko-san,” he chided, hoisting you up onto his back as he crouched to carefully crawl out the window with you in tow. “What are you doing!?” you exclaimed, clasping a hand over your mouth when the approaching laughter paused. You had to keep your voice down or they would find you in an even more ridiculous position than just being found naked in the bath.

Dazai made a shushing noise with his finger pressed against his lips and continued to crawl out the window, letting it latch as it shut behind the two of you, locking you both outside. At night. In the freezing rain, half naked. You nuzzled closer into Dazai’s back, relishing in his warmth as he guided you expertly to his room, in all his naked glory, without running into a single person. Part of you was astonished at the audacity of the situation, while the other part was thoroughly impressed. It would seem this wasn’t his first stint, and another blush formed at the thought that this was probably the first time he’d roamed the mansion naked. Wait, he was still naked! Your eyes worriedly looked up at him as he set you down gingerly on his futon, and you were once again reminded of the intimate nature of your position. He stared down at your face, ‘so completely unguarded’ and a soft smile broke out on his face as he brought his hand down to pet your hair affectionately. “Safe and sound Sochiko-san!” he beamed at you and it was all too much.

Laughter bubbled up in your throat, startling him for a moment before he broke out into a soft laughter of his own. He loved the sound of your laughter, but the sound almost too bright for him to handle in this state. Never in a million years would you have pictured anything close to this happening in your life. You wiped a tear from your eye before touching Dazai’s arm to see if he was as freezing as you thought he must be, running around with you on his back in the freezing rain. “You better not catch a cold!” you scolded him, a few bouts of laughter still escaping your exasperated form. You worried about his health, unsure if a vampire could even catch a cold, but just the thought made you feel guilty since you would have played a part in it.

“Then why don’t you keep me warm?” there was a huskiness to his voice again as he crawled over you, forcing you to lean back to look up at him. You licked your lips, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly thirsty and you weren’t sure it was for water. His gaze was so intense you thought it would set you ablaze right then and there, struggling to think of a response you floundered for a moment before his mask slipped back into place and he poked your nose with his finger, teasing you. “Just kidding~” he lilted, leaving you feeling flustered and embarrassed. You opened and closed your mouth several times, completely at a loss of how to respond to the whirlwind of emotions Dazai was putting you through tonight. You frowned, this wasn’t good for your heart, but you didn’t want to come out and say that you’d like to spend the night in his bed if he didn’t feel the same. Was he just messing with you?

That look of frustration tempted him. He wanted to devour you head to toe, watch you squirm beneath him and cry out his name. Just the thought of you showing him your wild side was working him up and he was a mess of contradictions, with an incredible feeling of shame for capitalizing on the situation. He kept trying to convince himself that he didn’t deserve this moment, that you were too untainted for him to drag down to his depths. If you let him hold you like this, he would never let you go. Another sound of frustration escaped your lips as you try to find the words that seem to be at the tip of your tongue, wanting to hide your face until you could compose yourself enough to speak like a normal person. Although normal in this situation wasn’t exactly warranted.

A smirk tugged at his lips as he tilted his head, studying your face, “Oh? Toshiko-san, your face is becoming redder than an apple, careful or I might have to eat you up,” his playful voice was strained with lust as he leaned in toward you, his cool skin brushing the nape of your neck as his lips ghosted over the sensitive skin. Another soft moan escaped your throat and you wriggled beneath him, freezing when you felt something hard pressed against your inner thigh. “My, my…” he breathed against your neck, inhaling your scent as he murmured against you, “What a naughty girl, working me up like this. Bad, bad girl.”

His gentle reprimand made the heat pool in your nethers, and you shivered in response. You gathered your courage to speak, trying to sound sultry through the nervous rasp of your voice, “Why don’t you stop joking around and let me keep you warm then?” There it was, that dark shadow of lust that clouded over his eyes again, mixing with an unimaginable sadness that tugged at your heartstrings, nearly drowning you in his bewitching gaze. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything; you didn’t want to overstep any boundaries with him after all. You opened your mouth to apologize when his lips came crashing down on yours. “Mmph!”

A pallid thumb brushed against your lower lip and pulled down, giving entrance for his greedy tongue, twisting and dancing alongside yours as you moan into his mouth. Your heart felt like it was going to leap right from your chest, the way it was beating, the blood rushing from your head to places further south. “Dazai!!” you gasped, arching subconsciously into his groin as he peppered your jaw with gentle nips and kisses, earning a low groan from the eccentric man above you. “Y/n…” he slipped down your body, pulling at the towel he had carefully wrapped around you, admiring you sprawled out on his futon with his kimono forgotten underneath you, your body exposed as he tossed the damp towel to the floor. He gently took one of your legs in his hands, delicately running his hands down to your ankle before lifting it to his mouth, his golden eyes almost glowing in the dimly lit room, daring you to look away as he sensually licked your ankle starting with the top of your foot to the soft fleshy divot where the joints bend.

You stared, wide eyed, and started to close your legs, feeling exposed under his raw, hungry gaze, but he used his free hand to push your knee open again, nestling himself on his own knees between yours as he worked his way up to your thigh, running his tongue along your inner leg, causing you to shiver and reach out, grabbing a handful of his hair and tugging slightly. His eyes nearly rolled at the sensation, a shudder rolling over his body as he looked up from his spot between your legs. He nuzzled his face against the soft flesh on the inside of your thigh, sighing almost erotically.

“Y/n…silly girl. Don’t you know you should run? I told you before, all men are wolves my dear…and I am no different,” the words spilled from his lips but he made no move to stop. His eyes bore into yours, looking for any sign of doubt before sinking his fangs into you. “Aaahn!!” your voice rang out, loudly, into the night. The freezing rain picking up outside the window, thunder in the distance drowning out your sweet cries from the other residents. Dazai nearly trembled from excitement, moaning into your thigh as your sweet nectar of life spilled onto his tongue, lapping every drop up greedily. The pain was a ghost of a memory, replaced with a pervasive heat that consumed every fiber of your being with an electric pleasure. If you thought you couldn’t form words before, they were lost to you now. The only sounds escaping you were wanton moans, stirring on the man between your legs.

“If you keep on like that I won’t be able to hold back…” his eyes looked pained and you felt a pang of guilt for not noticing it earlier. “Don’t you know how badly I want you?” He puffed air against your wet heat, his gaze following to your glistening folds, already wet for him. He groaned and the lust returned to his stare, but he was holding himself back.

“Dazai—“ you gasped, reaching down to touch one of his hands as you propped yourself up on your elbows. “What if…what if I don’t want you to hold back?” your face was on fire, you could feel your pulse in your temples as you panted softly. “I want this too…I trust you,” your tender expression nearly broke his heart. ‘You don’t know what I would do to you, how could you trust a man who would break you?’ he lamented to himself, beginning to get lost in his own sorrow when you shifted forward, shifting your weight to gently push him back onto the futon, where you could straddle him. “Do you trust me?” you breathed, wanting to reach through and pull that sorrow from him, if only for a little while.

His eyes softened, reaching up to cup your cheek with his large hands. They felt warmer than before. “You’re honest to a fault, Y/n. It makes me want to swallow you whole…” as though your light could shine from inside him. Leaning down, you placed a tentative kiss on his chest, nipping at his collarbone, hearing him gasp beneath you. There was a dangerous glint in his expression as you turned your attention to him. You wanted him to feel you, to feel your heart. “I’m willing to let you,” you trailed down his abdomen, placing lovingly tender kisses until you were kneeling off the futon in front of him. He lifted his head to look down at you, confused by your motive until he felt your warm mouth around him and watched his painfully hard member disappear behind your lips. “Y/N!” his startled exclamation ended in a throaty moan as his head fell back and he became overwhelmed by the sensations you were delivering to him. Had he died a second time? If so, maybe death wasn’t so boring after all.

You hollowed your cheeks, applying the right amount of pressure as you sucked his length, your own juices beginning to drip as you got excited from getting him off. You were thankful for the blanket of rain outside, pelting the window to hide some of the lewd noises that came from your actions. Hands wound their way through your hair, pulling you down onto him, his previous reservations snapped away the moment your wet heat enveloped him. He couldn’t resist you anymore. He didn’t care if you both fell at that moment. He couldn’t get close enough, the pleasure overtaking his senses. You felt the tug at your hair as he pulled you back with a pop as he left your mouth empty and wanting. You shivered from the sudden roughness and he smirked, guiding you down onto the futon again.

“Naughty girl~ Do you want me to lose control?” he breathed, climbing between your legs again, hoisting you up by hooking his arms beneath your knees. “I warned you I would devour you…” he moaned as he flattened his tongue against your dripping heat, making you fall against the bed, arms suddenly too weak to hold your weight anymore. You could tell you had broken the dam on his self-control, the way his tongue skillfully entered you, working his way up to your clit, grazing his fangs against your lowers lips. Your head was swimming, the erotic noises he was making made your sex tighten, begging for more. “Please—“ you begged, but you weren’t entirely sure for what. All you knew was that you wanted more.

“Please?” he echoed, working his middle and index finger into you, pumping and curling them until you saw white, bucking against his hand, not caring what you looked like anymore. “Dazai please!! I need you, please!” Tears were beginning to prick at your eyes and he sat back, sighing with smile spreading across his handsome features. “Beautiful..” he whispered, climbing over your heated body. His lips found your ear again as he nibbled playfully, brushing the tip of his manhood against your clit, slowly. The tears threatened to fall as they blurred your vision, your hips twitched toward him, and you felt empty without him in you. “Dazai—“ you gasped again, feeling frustrated and earning a lighthearted chuckle from the man above you.

“What do you want me to do? I want you to tell me,” his breath was hot against your cheek, his fangs pricking your earlobe and shooting another wave of pleasure as he soothed the love bite with his tongue. You screwed your eyes shut, panting loudly and attempted to reach down to guide him into you when your hands were restrained in his and held above your head with surprising strength. “Ah, ah~” he tsked, applying pressure to your wrist under his grasp. “Look at me,” he commanded. The weight of his words caused your eyes to open again, your eyes wet and face flushed. He teased himself against your sensitive spot again, meaningfully, “Tell me what you want me to do.”

You bit your lower lip, chewing on it while you tried to think of the right way to phrase it so that you could both get what you wanted. “I..I—“ you started, his mouth was trailing along your jaw again, letting his fangs drag across your soft skin without piercing the flesh, encouraging you to say the words he was waiting to hear. “Yes?” he egged you on, slowly rotating his hips to give you a preview of what you were in for.

“Please—I want to feel you inside of me, Dazai..” your submissive admission was all it took and in seconds he buried himself into you, hissing at your tight heat as your head fell back and you arched into him, hard. It stung, but he stayed still, allowing you to adjust before he began to rock with shallow thrusts, panting words of encouragement. “Y/n, you’re so tight,” he murmured against your neck, his tongue and teeth marking a hickey into your skin. You’d have to wear a scarf over the next couple days or a shirt with a high collar to hide his mark from the others. But a part of him wanted them to see it. He was moving slowly, rolling into you with sweet and deliberate motions. You couldn’t help but buck against him, craving a faster pace.

He let go of your wrists, letting you wrap your arms around his neck, digging your nails into his shoulders. For good measure, you wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him in closer. He moaned low, shifting to take a perky nipple into his mouth while his fingers played with the other, making a mess of you. “Y/n, you’re such a naughty girl… pulling me close like that, is this not enough?” he chuckled against your breast, delighting in the frustrated groan that came as a response.  “Please, h-harder,” you pleaded. His mind went blank, hearing you plead to him in such a vulnerable way, it snapped his hips forward and his pace quickened, angling you so he could pound you into the futon, hand leaving your nipple to dance circles around your clit.

You all but screamed at the sudden change of pace, as a thin trail of drool escaped your lips and trailed down the side of your mouth. Fingers brushed against the sticky liquid and pushed into your mouth, which you gladly took inside, swirling your tongue and sucking, sending shudders down the man’s spine as his thrusts started to become more erratic. His eyes were positively glowing in the dark room and his hand left your mouth to rest on your throat, applying a light pressure, but enough to send a pleasurable shock through your body. He guided your hands to his own throat, showing you the kind of pressure he wanted you to apply. “Just a little, yeah?” he whispered, groaning when you pressed into his throat tentatively, reaching back down to give you a reward, applying increasing pressure to your clit, watching you struggle to keep your arms up as he pleasured you. His eyes rolled in his skull and you could feel his adam’s apple bob when he swallowed before he grabbed your wrists and thrust them above your head again, burying his fangs into your neck.

Your cry mixed with a hoarse moan as he drank from you, the pleasure sending you over the edge and you quivered as your orgasm ripped through your body, tightly convulsing around him as he reached his own climax, spilling his hot seed into you. It was overwhelming feeling him drink from you as he emptied his cum into your willing body. When he was finished he kissed the wound that was already starting to close, and moved to kiss your nose, still nestled inside of you. Your body was overstimulated and you moaned softly at the movement, earning another chuckle. “Hey..was I too rough with you?” he questioned sheepishly, still basking in the afterglow of your shared orgasm.

You didn’t think he could look anymore handsome than he already did, but the way the sweat clung to his hair and the loving gaze he was giving you right now made your heart melt. “It’s ok, I liked it,” you admitted, knowing that you would be sore tomorrow, but it was well worth it. A mischievous glint shown in his eyes this time, “You know I won’t be able to let you go, right?” he cooed, tracing his fingers along your neck again, paying special attention to the hickies he left behind. “I won’t be able to hold back now that I’ve had a taste of you…you better prepare yourself.”

[tinygoof]

Dumb bad stupid She-Ra shrink fic

As Catra stepped into her quarters and the door shut behind her she let out an agonizing, drawn out, pained sigh of utter frustration and contempt. She'd spent the last 3 weeks trudging around Etheria Hunting for first ones tech and battling the rebels. And all she had to show for it was a mountain of busted horde bots, a headache and some new bruises. She slumped down against the wall and sighed again feeling every little ache and pain. Both physical and mental. Of course Scorpia had been along with her the whole time and so Catra had been forced to endure her incessant running monologue and rantings about every little thing. "I need a break." She mused to herself. "I need to just unwind. Get my mind of everything for a bit". As she sat there slumped against the wall she saw something sitting under her bed. A golden bottle with a Red bow.  She got up and walked over to her bed, reached under and grabbed it. A note was attached to the bow it read: "Happy birthday Catra! I realized I didn't know what your actual birthday was so I just decided hey why not? Better late then never! Or early. Either or. Anyways enjoy this bottle, its that REAAALLY good stuff from Brightmoon. -Your bestfriend in the whole wide world, Scorpia   XOXOXO" It was a bottle of Brightmoon brandy. Scorpia had gifted it to Catra a while ago. At the time Catra just stuffed it away under her bed and forgot about it. But now she decided it might be just what she needed. "I guess a few sips couldn't hurt. The horde wont fall apart if I take the night off." She said aloud justifying it to herself more than anything. She pulled of the cap and took a swig. The Brandy Burned as it went down but left a pleasant sensation on the tongue afterwards. "Oh yeah. This is DEFINITELY worth a few sips." she said and took another swig. "Maybe even more than a few."

A half hour and quarter bottle of brandy later and Catra was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on her face. Happy to not be thinking about anything in particular. just thew warm, pleasant feeling in her chest. Then her communicator beeped. With a groan she rolled over and checked it. It was Entrapta.  Catra reluctantly answered. "Ugghh what IS IT?" "HEY CATRA! I NEED HELP WITH AN EXPERIMENT!" blared the excited voice of Etrapta. "I've finally assembled my prototype reduction ray and I--" "Okay great why do you neeed ME?" Interrupted Catra. "Well I need to test the effects on biological matter to measure the energy coefficient levels in relation to--" "Okay okay FINE I'll send Lonnie, Rohellio and Kyle over will that work?" "YIPPIE! Yes of course! The more the merrier!" shouted Entrapta. "Greeaaaat" groaned catra as she shut off the call and dialed Lonnie. A few seconds later there was an answer "Hey catra whats up?" came Lonnie's inquisitive voice. "Entrapta needs help with her latest ermm... thing. You Rohellio and Kyle go help her and do what she says. Got it?" "What? but tonight--"  "No buts! that's an order!" with that Catra cut the call and lay back down in her bed. Catra contemplated simply turning off her comlink so she wouldn't have to suffer any further interruptions but realized after a while they'd just come looking for her and everyone knew where her quarters were so that would only be a temporary solution. So she decided to go for a walk and leave her comlink behind. And bring the bottle with her of course. "I think i'm in the mood for some mouse hunting" Catra thought to herself. Truth be told she hadn't gone hunting for mice since she was a little kid. It WAS admittedly kindof silly and childish but she decided that's exactly the sort of thing she needed at the moment. She got up making sure to take off her comlink and grab the brandy bottle and strode out of the room with a grin from ear to ear.

"So what exactly did Catra say were helping Entrapta with again?" Asked Kyle. "She didn't. All she said was Entrapta's working on something and we gotta help her. That's it" Replied Lonnie as the trio entered Entrapta's lab. Kyle Lonnie and Rohellio had been planing to spend the night unwinding after the recent battles but Catra's call had put an end to that and the hope of a peaceful night for them. "Okay but its not DANGEROUS right? like its probably just moving some crates or something." Asked Kyle turning to Rohellio, who in response merely shrugged and grunted. Entrapta's lab was a dark mess of tangled wires, stray machinery and equipment. In the center of the mess was Entrapta herself. Fussing with panel attached to a large raised platform in the center of the room. "Hey uh Entrapta?" Called out Lonnie. Entrapta turned to face them. "Hi guys! what are you doing here?" She asked cocking her head to the side. " Uhm Catra said you needed our help with something?" "Help with something? Hmmmmm Oh yeah that's right! The reducer!!! Perfect your're just in time! Go stand over on the platform. "Uhm okay sure thing." said Lonnie in a weary tone of voice. The three of them stepped up onto the platform. "Uhmm now what?" Asked Kyle with a slight whine. "Oh you just stay there and stand still. As long as you don't move too much you should be fine!" Called out Entrapta as she dashed across the room to go fiddle with another panel. "Out of curiosity what happens if we DO move too much?" "What? Oh you'd most likely be disintegrated. Its about a 68 percent chance." Entrapta's reply caused Kyle's face to turn pale and even caused Rohellio to shuffle back nervously. "Well what is this thing actually SUPPOSED to do Entrapta?" Asked Lonnie audibly worried. "Oh I thought it was obvious. Its a reducer. It reduces things. Makes them tiny! Well here goes nothing. Cross your fingers!" As she said this Entrapta pressed one of the buttons on the panel next to her. Before any of them could protest all three were enveloped in a blinding white light.

Kyle, for a moment felt a sense of weightlessness. He briefly realized that he was flying through the air until he abruptly and roughly hit the ground and skipped a few feet before skidding to a stop. He had landed on his back and was looking up at the ceiling. Not the ceiling of Entrapta's lab however but the hallway outside it. The blast had thrown him clean out the door. After laying there for a moment to catch his breath he sat up wincing from the pain and called out "Agghh, I don't think its working very well!" His vision was a bit blurry and it took a second for everything to come into focus. However once it did he realized to his horror that he was wrong. Entrapta's device had worked VERY well. Besides being thrown through the air the reducer had had functioned just as intended, as Kyle now stood just over three inches in height. Everything now seems colossal.  The walls towered like mountains and the floor of the hallway stretched out like an open plateau. Before he had any time to think about his predicament Kyle say a group of Horde soldiers nearby coming down the hallway towards him.  He was about to call out to them to ask for help but before he had the chance he had to dodge the first one's boot which narrowly missed him as he lept out of the way. Unfortunately this put him into the path of the second solider's boot, which kicked him center mass and for the second time in the last few moments Kyle was sent careening through the air. This landing into a nearby trash disposal chute. As he slid down the chute to what he assumed was his inevitable demise Kyle screamed at the top of his lungs in absolute terror.

Catra now about a third of the way through the bottle was having the time of her life.  Once she'd left her room she had made her way to the best place she'd found as a kid to hunt mice. The junkyard. It was a massive trash disposal area in the lower levels of the Frightzone, filled with all kinds of refuse and scrap. No responsibilities, no annoying underlings, no orders to give; but most importantly home to countless tasty mice. She delighted in stalking past the piles of scrap, waiting for the moment when an unsuspecting mouse appeared and she'd pounce to catch it. So far she had gotten 3. Catra was about to call it a night and head back when she heard rustling in a nearby trash pile. And decided that there was no harm in one more. She quietly made her way over to pile she heard the rustling come from. Of course at this point in her decidedly drunken state, "quietly" meant only bumping into one or two things  rather then knocking over an entire trash pile. After making her way over she thought for a second that shed lost the mouse but before she gave up she heard more rustling and saw a messy tuft of brownish blonde fur sticking out from behind an old rusted sheet of scrap metal. It was slowly moving around it and coming towards her. She smiled as she realized all she had to do was wait for the mouse to come around the corner and it would be right in front of her. "This must be one stupid mouse" she thought to herself. She crouched down and waited to pounce on her unsuspecting prey.

Kyle considered himself incredibly lucky to have survived the trip down the chute and thankfully had landed on a pile of torn oily rags and not jagged metal. He still however, had to deal with the serious issue of being stuck alone in the horde's junkyard and a mere three inches tall. After a few minutes having a minor panic attack coupled with an existential crisis he finally managed to compose himself.  He figured he only had one option to try and save himself. And to do that he had find his way out of the junkyard and get back to Entrapta and hope she could fix him. After a few minutes of trudging through piles of trash making very slow progress and dirtying his usually light blonde hair he almost buried himself by accident when he caused a (comparatively) large pile of trash to fall over when he misplaced his footing. After another narrow brush with mortal peril he decided he wouldn't take any chances if he could help it. Just as he decided this he rounded the corner of a large piece of scrap metal and much to his bewilderment found himself a few inches away from the large grinning face of Catra. She had a feral glare in her eyes. Kyle was so stunned that he couldn't think of what to do or say in the split second before Catra lunged at him.

Catra only had to wait a few moment for the mouse to round the corner. When it did she didn't wait for it to have a chance to run off and quickly lunged at it headfirst, mouth wide open. The mouse didn't even have time to try to get away and Catra felt it hit her mouth and quickly clamped shut her jaws enclosing it inside. She leaned back and once again smiled from ear to ear. She could feel the mouse struggling inside her mouth and she giggled a bit to herself at the sensation. She noticed though that this mouse tasted and felt quite different from the others. It felt oddly shaped and tasted more like a salty, oily piece of plastic. She was worried that perhaps she had  also grabbed a bit of trash when she got the mouse but only for a moment. She was too sloshed to really care all that much about it. She shrugged and tilted her head back in preparation to swallow and was going to wash it down with another swig of brandy. Just before she did however she could have sworn she heard someone call out her name. She couldn't tell what direction it came from but it definitely sounded like her name. She knelt down behind a nearby scrap pile. Drunk as she was she would still feel incredibly embarrassed if someone found her stalking through trash piles hunting for mice. "Better get rid of the evidence then" she figured as she once again tilted her head back to swallow her prey. But once again she heard her name called out once again. And this time as odd as it sounded, she was almost certain she knew where it had come from. It had come from inside her mouth! Confused beyond all reason as to why a mouse seemed to be shouting her name Catra held out her palm and spat the mouse into it. What Catra was not expecting was that instead of a mouse in her hand. She instead seemed to be holding a tiny person. "This stuff must be stronger than I thought" she said to herself aloud. She blinked several times expecting something to change but no matter how many times she did, she still saw the same thing. A disheveled miniature person in the palm of her hand. A person that looked remarkably like....                               "Kyle?!" Catra half asked, half yelled. "Is that YOU?!"

[n3rdybird]

Death Has a Smile Ch 2

Authors note: So this has spiraled way out of control, haha. Chapter 2 is up and has a mind of its own.  Tagging @warmommy @liegbott @lovebodymindstuff @band-of-silver and @higgles123 .  Hope everyone enjoys.

Rating: T

Warnings: Some talk of death, Easy Company being a bunch of rowdy hooligans with no social graces whatsoever.

Pairing: Reaper!Reader x Eugene Roe

The slow pace of Aldbourne was welcome to the soldiers of the 101st. After the hellish operation in Normandy and the month of skirmishes afterward, the men were enjoying their vacation as it were.  Even though Winters still had the men run drills and PT, it was still much easier than being on the front line in France.  No shells were flying overhead, hot food was definitely better than whatever they could scrounge or K-rations, and weekend passes were handed out left and right. Eugene found himself with plenty of extra time on his hands.  He wasn’t much for drinking, preferring quiet nights in.  He occasionally took in a movie, but even then some of the men got rowdy, and he’d take his leave.  Much of his time was spent reading or volunteering at the Red Cross station.  Most of the men in need of medical help just suffered from bumps and bruises from training or the occasional fight.  Nothing terribly exciting, but it was better than sitting on his hands. Even as much as he kept himself busy, he couldn’t help that nagging thought at the back of his mind.  Who was that woman?  Was she real?  She felt real when he touched her arm.  Or was the doctor right?  Was it just exhaustion and his mind made it all up.  If it could all be reduced to a figment of his imagination, then fine.  He d write it off.  But if she was real?  Who was she?  Why did she look like that soldier’s sweetheart back home?  Those questions were another reason he frequented the halls of the hospital.

Roe would often volunteer to drive injured men to the larger army hospital in London. While there, he’d brush up on his skills, learning more first aid techniques than just dumping sulfa and bandaging wounds.  Colonel Sink heartily approved of the medic’s plan.  After all, if Eugene was busy learning and volunteering on his weekends, he wasn’t getting drunk and into trouble. (Unlike some of the other Airborne men who frequently had their weekend passes revoked.) But there was another reason he lingered in the larger hospital.  There were more critically wounded patients there, coming straight from the front.  And maybe, just maybe, he’d see her again.  And be able to put those questions to rest. He was sitting just outside the critical patient wing, the afternoon sun warming his body through the window.  He had finished helping some nurses with moving patients and was slightly dozing in his chair.  A throat clearing next to him caused him to perk up, but the sight of his commanding officer Captain Winters had him on his feet in no time. “Captain Winters, sir,” he greeted, giving him a salute. “At ease Roe,”  Richard motioned for the medic to sit back down.  The younger man nodded and complied.  Richard ‘Dick’ Winters was a good leader, only pulling rank when absolutely necessary.  The blood and sweat shared between the men of Easy made it easy to be comfortable with each other regardless of rank. “I was just visiting some of the men when I heard you were here as well. Are you angling for a promotion?” “No sir, I was just helping out.” Richard nodded and smiled wryly. “So I’ve heard.  Not that I’m not proud of your initiative, but why are you spending your free time working?  Wouldn’t you rather have some downtime?  Spend time with the men.  Just don’t play darts with Buck, he cheats.” Eugene looked down briefly. While he was friendly with the men, he kept a professional distance. “Just want to prepared as well as I can be when we get sent back to the front.”  It wasn’t quite a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either. Richard nodded.  He couldn’t begrudge the young man for his work ethic.  The front was a different beast altogether than training. “Normandy was something else, wasn’t it?  I don’t think I was as mentally ready as I thought I’d be.  None of us were.” “It was,”  Eugene agreed.  “But you were great sir. I don’t think Easy would have made it without you.  Especially if we were stuck with Sobel.” That got a chuckle out of the commander of Easy. “Well at the least I’ll agree with you about Sobel.  We might have ended up in the English Channel.  Hi-ho Silver.” “Hi-ho Silver,” Eugene parroted before the two broke into laughter. Richard clapped the younger man on the shoulder. “Many men owe you their thanks as well, you know.” Eugene’s normally pale face colored a bit at the praise, but he nodded his thanks from his superior.  The two were quiet for a few moments, their minds on Normandy before Eugene cleared his throat. “Sir, have you ever seen anything you couldn’t explain?”  Richard stroked his chin as he tried to formulate an answer to Roe’s question. “Well the amount of alcohol Nix puts away is more than I thought humanly possible,” he joked. Eugene snorted. “I have caught him sleeping it off in the aid station more often than I can count, but that’s not what I meant.”   Richard regarded him carefully before asking him to clarify.  The medic went to open his mouth but stopped.  How could he explain to his Captain what he saw and without seeming completely mad? “Eugene?” Richard prodded gently. The medic rubbed the back of his head and took a deep breath. “In Carentan, one night…”  As he told his story to Richard, the captain did not laugh or express disbelief.  He just listened, as any good leader or a good friend would.  When he finished his story, Richard leaned back in his chair and collected his thoughts.  His silence worried Eugene, who was half expecting to get hit with a recommendation for discharge due to mental instability. “I know it sounds crazy, but I know what I saw,” he sighed, dropping his head. “Eugene, I don’t think you are crazy.”   The younger man looked up, disbelief evident on his face.  “You believe me, sir?” Richard steepled his fingers.  “I do.  When I was a boy, my uncle was very sick.  I was helping my cousin who was by this time exhausted from his constant care.  We all knew his time was coming, and I had just convinced Celia, my cousin, to sleep.  I sat by his side when he called out for his wife, who had died years previously.” Eugene listened to the story eagerly, hoping it might shed some light on his own encounter.   “Of course she wasn’t there physically.  The doctor blamed it on his fever, hallucinations.  He passed later on that night.  But from the smile I saw on his face before his death, I knew he had seen her.”   “So you see, I believe that there are all manner of things around us, that we may or may not see or believe.  But that doesn’t make what we experience for ourselves crazy.  It’s just one of the world’s many unknowns.” “Thank you, sir,”  Eugene breathed. “But what do you think I saw?  I promise you, she looked just like the picture.  And she talked to him and then he was gone.  Do you think…” Richard waiting for Eugene to continue. “Do you think she was some kind of  I dunno, an angel of death?  He looked so peaceful, like the story of your uncle.” Richard mulled over his thoughts, trying to figure out what he wanted to say. He put his hands on his knees and stood with a smile. “I think, whatever you saw, it wasn’t anything malicious.  I think we could all hope to go out in peace.  Just like him.” “Thank you, Captain.” “Now, I’ll see you back in Aldbourne.  And you better take next weekend off.  Captain’s orders.  We don’t know when we’ll have to go back to the front. You hear me?”   Eugene nodded.  “Yes sir, and thank you.” -------------------------------------------------------- While Eugene Roe was trying to figure out the mystery surrounding you; you were watching him.  He wasn’t the only one having a somewhat existential crisis.   After your encounter with the dark-eyed medic, he had scarcely left your mind.  It was strange for you to be fixated on a single mortal.  It was the first time you had interacted with one in a long time, at least not one at death’s door.  It wasn’t smart to do so.   Curiosity led to attachment. Eventually, every mortal died and you were left alone again.  So you focused on ferrying as many souls as you could.  There were scores of men, women, and children dying every day, so it left you very little time to get to know anyone, dying or otherwise. But in the off chance of a quiet moment, you thought of him.  And apparently, he was thinking of you as well.  He lurked around the hospitals and aid stations.  He was a medic, so it was normal that he would frequent those places.  But more than once you saw him staring at the picture he had pocketed from the soldier in Carentan, the one of the woman you had mimicked.  It wasn’t your face, of course, but all the same that’s how he met you.  Usually, when a mortal saw a glimpse of you, they brushed it off, believing they had imagined it.  After all, most people were panicky around death and the dying.  But not him. You watched him while he worked, quick and efficient with a steady hand.  If anyone could understand or believe, it might be him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Eugene nursed his beer while watching his fell Easy company men raucously enjoyed their night off.  Per Captain Winter’s orders, he took the night off and joined the men in their revelry, much to their surprise.  In fact, they were making their mission to get their ‘Doc’ absolutely hammered.  A mission that was so far not as successful as they wanted. “Come on Doc, you’ve been sipping that beer for over an hour.  We’ve all lapped you several times over,” Malark said, tapping his glass to Eugene’s. “And I’m sure I’ll be the only one without a hangover during PT in the morning,” he said dryly, taking a measured sip. “Was that a jab? Are ya making jokes Doc? Doc is making jokes everyone!” the man from Oregon cheered, catching the rest of the men’s attention.  Guarnere came to the table, arms laden with shots of whiskey. “Well shit, that’s cause

for celebration.” The whiskey sloshed out of the overfilled shot glasses as Bill passed them out.  Eugene stared at the shot apprehension evident in his eyes. "Come on Doc, it's medicinal," Bill goaded as the rest of Easy crowded around the table to claim their own shots. "Doc ain't gonna drink that, are ya? I don't mind taking one from the team," Luz piped up, reaching for the drink designated for the medic. Bill smacked his hand and shook his finger in the loud mouth's face. "Now now Georgie-boy, don't be greedy," he chided.  Luz pulled a face and rubbed his hand. "That's just mean Gonorrhea. You know he's not gonna drink it.  Just like you know he's gonna sit in the corner all night.  I'm just making sure it doesn't go to waste. There is a war on ya know.  Rationing." Luz reached for it again, but Eugene snatched it up. The men watched as he drained it in one go, flabbergasted at his blank face as he swallowed the cheap whiskey like it was water. "You were saying, Luz?" The men broke into cheers as the followed suit, drinking their shots and slamming the glasses onto the wood table. "Now that Eugene has joined the land of the living and taken a shot, now we gotta get him a dance,” Bill said, wiping his mouth. “No really, that’s fine-” Eugene started. “What about her?” Malark called out, nodding at a redhead across the dance floor. “Nah, she’s a bit too forward for our poor medic.  Besides, she went on a ‘walk’ with Perconte a few weekends ago.  Did ya wrap it up?” Bill joked, earning a slap from the aforementioned soldier. “You mad she chose me and not you Gonorrhea?” “Nah, red-heads aren’t my type.  Besides, I’m sure Eugene doesn’t want to be your belly cousin.”  The men cheered as Perconte put Bill in a headlock.  Suddenly Malarkey spat out his beer, causing the men to laugh in disgust. “Jesus Malark, what were you raised in a barn?” “What’s the matter with you?” Don couldn’t speak, trying to clear out the beer from his lungs so he just pointed his pint glass towards the door.  A pretty young woman was standing near the door, fiddling with the drape of her skirt. When her eyes glided over the men of Easy Company, the men paused before scrambling to look a bit more presentable. A napkin was tossed at Malarkey, who still had beer dripping down his chin, and Bill took the chance to untangle himself from Perconte and fix his hair.  The rest of the men followed suit, making sure they looked a little less like a bunch of rabble-rousers. “She looks a little like Rita, doesn’t she?” “No no, Veronica Lake.  Look at that smile.” “You’re both wrong, those legs are giving Betty Grable a run for her money.” The men gossiped back and forth, eyeing the new woman with extreme interest.  It wasn’t that there weren’t more beautiful woman looking for a dance partner that night, but she was someone no one had seen yet, and thus was new blood.  And for young soldiers away from home and stuck with men 99.9% of the time, they were the sharks. When she made her way over to the table, the men elbowed each other subtly. Bill stood to greet her when Lieb cut in front of him, flashing a charming smile at the girl. “Hello ma’am, I’m Joseph Liebgott, though you can call me Liebe. It means ‘love’,” he introduced himself and held out his hand. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The way the men were staring at you, you wondered if you overdid your face.  The theater posters gave you the idea of blending some of the starlets’ features into one unrecognizable face.  When the weekend came and there was no sign of the medic at the hospital, you decided to seek him out. Which brought you to the dance hall where it seemed half of Easy Company was spending their evening.  It was a bit nerve-wracking, but you were here.  And so was Eugene. You realized you hadn’t taken Liebgott’s hand, and you took it gingerly, hoping to limit the skin to skin contact.  You could do without the rush of memories in the crowded room.  Smiling demurely through the memories flitting across your eyes, you tried not to seem relieved when he dropped your hand after kissing your knuckles. “What’s your name doll?” another asked. You blanked.  Out of all your preparation, you hadn’t thought of one.  So you blurted out the first name you could think of. Your own. “(Y/N),” you said simply. “(Y/N), that’s a pretty name,” Liebgott complimented.  “Are you lookin’ for a dance partner? I’d be happy to oblige,” he offered. While you were flattered, it was Eugene you wanted to talk to. As you tried to stammer out a reply, another dark-haired soldier cut in. “Lay off the charm Joe, you’re embarrassing her and me.”  He turned to you. “Bill Guarnere ma’am.  To stop all these fools from drooling all over ya, was there someone that you wanted a dance with?” You were grateful for his intervention and you cast your eyes over Eugene, who was watching the scene with thinly veiled interest.  Bill zeroed in on your line of sight, lighting up when he saw you looking at Roe.  He nudged Roe’s shoulder, whispering for him to stand up. “This here is our Doc Roe.  We were just talking about how he needed a dance partner.  You feel up to it?” When Eugene held out his hand, after a bit of good-natured prodding from his brothers, you took it softly. “I’d love to.” The men banged on the table, cheering goodnaturedly as Eugene led you to the dance floor set up in the middle of the room. “I’m sorry about them, you’d think they’d never see a lady before,” Eugene said chuckling at his brother’s antics. “They are quite lively, it’s refreshing actually,” you giggled. When you reached the dance floor, Eugene took your hand in his and led you in a simple foxtrot around the room.  As you two spun around to the big band music, the smell of peppermint flooded his nose.  When he scrunched his face in confusion, you tilted your head. “Are you alright?” Eugene chewed his lip. “Are you the one I met in Carentan?” he blurted out. You wanted to feign confusion, but the fact that he figured you out made you smile. “What gave it away?” Eugene nearly sagged in relief at your answer. He flexed his fingers around your shoulder as if making sure you were real. “You smell like peppermint,” he answered truthfully. “A lot of people can smell like peppermint,” you pointed out.  “Unless you just ask all the ladies that,” you said with a coy smile. “I don’t know which ladies you are talking about.  I don’t… socialize much,” he said, a blush creeping up his neck.  It was endearing, how expressive he was when he wasn’t keeping a tight lid on his emotions. “And, I dunno.. you just seem… otherworldly.  Like you don’t belong,” he explained.  Even though it was true, his words hurt you a bit. You didn’t belong here, you weren’t sure what you were thinking. “You’re right,” you said with a sad smile.  “I don’t belong here.  Just forget me, okay?”

You pulled yourself from his arms and made your way to the door, leaving a gobsmacked Eugene Roe alone on the dance floor. Eugene looked back to the tables holding the Easy Company Men, who were looking at Eugene in disbelief. “What did you do?” “Why did you scare her off?” Strangely enough, it was Luz, who actually gave him advice. “Go after her ya meatball, Christ,” he said throwing his hands up when he saw Eugene’s confused face. The medic nodded, and followed you outside, hoping you hadn’t disappeared into the night.  The cooler night air was refreshing after being inside the smoky dance hall.  As his eyes adjusted, he caught sight of you down the road. “(Y/N), wait.  I didn’t mean-” he paused to collect his words and not blurt out something stupid again. “I mean, you are… I don’t want you to go.  I don’t know who you are or why you came into my life, but I think it was for a reason.  I don’t know what that reason is but… just don’t go,” he rambled in an attempt to keep you from leaving. You were silent, still facing away from him when he was explaining himself.  If you were going to stay, get to know him, get attached, you wanted to start fresh.  You spun on your heel, and your fake patchwork face transformed to show your actual facial features.  He watched with wonder as you changed, no longer stealing bits and pieces from other people.  He reached up to touch your skin, sliding his knuckle across your cheek and the scar that was silvery with age.   “I believe we have some things to talk about Eugene Roe,” you said softly.

[starlit-havens]

Sick Day

(thanks to @askthesyraxian for the idea!)

“Ah....ah...aCHOO!!”

“FUCK!”

Chase burst into the doctor’s office, almost red with fury. He was almost surprised his hat didn’t start smoking as he made a beeline for Dr. Schneeplestein, took a fuming breath, and tapped him politely on the shoulder.

“Chase, you must understand, colds do not disappear overnight!” The doctor snapped before Chase could say anything. “Zhere is nozzing I can do until zhe immune system overrides it. You must be patient!”

Chase gave a mirthless laugh. “Doc, I’d love to, but it’s kind fucking hard when every time this guy even coughs, the whole floor flickers off!” He gestured to the Ego lying on the cot who was grinding his teeth in contempt.

“Look, Brody, I don’t like this any better than you do,” the sick man hissed. “Seriously, having to rely on someone? Being vulnerable? That’s kind of against my whole brand.  But I...” he paused, anticipating a sneeze. The two standing Egos ducked in anticipation. “I...I....” Anti sniffed, shaking his head to clear it. “I can’t help getting sick once in a while.”

“Can’t you turn off your powers or something while you’re sick?” Chase demanded helplessly. “I literally almost shot Jackie because the lights went off while I was doing some light target-practice.”

“He shot an arrow at me!” Jackieboy Man yelped, sticking his head into the office.

The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. “Chase, how many time have I told you not to use your crossbow indoors?”

“AhCHOOO!”

Crash! The lightbulbs in the office burst, sending fragile shards spraying from the ceiling. Everyone covered their heads and eyes amidst shouts of surprise, almost drowning out the caterwaul that came from the kitchen.

Chase raised his hat from his face to look worriedly at Dr. Schneeplestein before running to the kitchen, the doctor close behind.

Marvin looked quite pitiful as he stood in the center of the kitchen, covered from head to toe in black soot. The oven was open, and smoke billowed out from it, carrying the scent of burning meat. The magician himself seemed unhurt, but his cape was in tatters at his feet.

“Oh, shit, Marv, are you okay?” Chase asked feebly. Talking was a little harder when every breath brought in smoke.

“I’m literally going to yeet myself off this planet,” the magician whispered. “I have been thinking about this chicken all morning. All morning. I’m not even fucking joking. It was the first thing that popped into my mind, right after my morning existential crisis. I thought to myself, ‘man, life sucks absolute ass, but at least I’ll be able to have some delicious, freshly-made, perfectly-seasoned, slow-roasted chicken for dinner.’ And look at what’s left of it.” He gestured to the burnt carcass inside the oven. “Look at what the merciless gods have done to me. This is what I get for expecting something good in this hell of a mortal realm.”

“Jaysus FOOkin’ Christ, someone’s a drama queen,��� a voice snarled behind them. Chase and Henrik turned to see Anti leaning against the door frame. Jackie peered out nervously from behind him. With a paler tint to him, Anti’s glitching seemed lackluster and slow, as though he was almost...lagging, like a computer. “Listen, magician, you’re not the only one in pain here. You think I enjoy being taken care of?”

“I don’t THINK anything,” Marvin retorted.

“Clearly.”

“Come on, guys,” Chase said over the magician’s outraged gasp. “Let’s put our heads together. Is there any way we can get Anti to not have this effect on the house?”

“We could put a pillow on his mouth every time he sneezes?” Jackie suggested hopefully.

Anti shook his head. “I don’t trust any of you not to smother me. And I don’t want you touching me, Brody,” he said before Chase could protest. “You try to get all ‘mother hen’ on me and it’s fucking weird. I just want to get better, is there any way I could get better quick?”

“Yes, vis plenty of sleep and fluids-“ the doctor responded before Marvin interrupted him.

“Chicken noodle soup might help- Oh wait, we don’t any chicken now. Because it’s burnt. Because of you.” Marvin stared pointedly at the glitching Ego, who rolled his eyes.

The doctor cleared his throat. “Marvin, don’t you have a spell to cure colds?”

Marvin scoffed. “There are so many things wrong with that suggestion. First, that I’m a good enough magician to pull that off. Second, that it would work on a glitch demon. Third, that I’m willing to help an absolute piece of shit like-“

“I may be under the weather, but you’ll be six feet under GROUND if you keep talking like that,” Anti interjected, the menace in his voice dampened slightly by his stuffy nose.

Nevertheless, the magician went pale. “I-I guess it’s worth a shot!”

Chase nodded and turned to Henrik and Jackie. “Alright, guys, let’s stand back, give Marvin his space.” The three backed up, leaving just the magician and the demon in the kitchen.

“If you fuck me up in any way, you will never feel happiness again,” Anti hissed under his breath.

“Jokes on you,” Marvin whispered as he closed his eyes, “I have crippling depression.”

He raised his wand, muttered a spell, and brought his hands down with a deafening BOOM!

***

Chase lifted himself up from his place against the hallway floor, wincing slightly as he assessed his injuries. A few cuts, some bruises, but other than that, he was fine. Jackie, Henrik, and Marvin stood up from where they lay as well and turned to view the kitchen in awe.

The tables, chairs, cooking utensils, and any food lying about had all been turned to black dust which layered every inch of the room, covering even the rest of the Egos, and parts of the hallway. The sliding glass door which was the exit to the porch had been completely blown away, and dusk light was streaming in hazily, giving a warm gray tone to the kitchen. Marvin looked around in shock, reaching up to ruffle the ash from his hair absentmindedly.

“Hey, the cold’s gone,” Anti said, breathing in the air through his nose, completely unfazed. “Nice work, Marvin.”

The magician let out a squeak akin to that of a mouse.

Someone cleared their throat behind Chase. He turned.

Jack stood amidst the rubble, a blank expression on his face.

Chase gave a nervous laugh. “Hey dude, it’s uh, it’s not what it looks-“

“Guys, what the fuck? What happened?” It wasn’t an angry question so much as a resigned one as Jack looked around and sighed.

Anti grinned. “Marvin cured my cold.”

[murdocsagaypirate]

Russel and 2D G-Mix #10:

8/13/18 Russ is doing fine and 2D is not.

2D: 

Starts with Tranz and ends with Fire Flies but we’ve talked about that shit enough..... 

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

I’m fucking shaking. ok. So. This is a song a person wrote to someone they’re in love with. It’s fairly safe to assume they are in the midst of an affair. The writer wants to the subject to leave the person that is actually in a devoted relationship with to be with them. The subject says they will, they just have to wait. “The less he knows” about what the person he loves is doing or feeling with the other person, the less pain he’ll have to endure, while he’s waiting on his lover to finally choose him. It was noted to me that this SAME song has been ong MURDOC’s G-mix in the past........ soo...........

Psycho Star - King Tuff

Aw~ this is such a nice song of universal existential crisis. Very 2D. 

Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra

So. this is a song about struggling with a relationship where one person brought a third person in, made it poly, and made the songwriter feel used and left out. He specifically talks about feeling like a painkiller (I’ll be her Vicodin) for the other person... I don’t know what to say anymore, dude. do I even need to say it? are we one the same page here?

Nobody Cares - Superorganism

EE! I love this song! It’s a very double-edged sword kind of meaning talking about how you’ll realize eventually that people don’t notice most of the things you’re insecure about but then you’ll also notice that no one really notices YOU, and like the things you’re legitimately struggling with. 

BTSTU (Edit) - Jai Paul

*looks straight into the camera*

Don’t fuck with me Since you shipped my ass off to sea I never knew where I was going I went where the water was flowing

I know I've been gone a long time but I'm back and I want what is mine I know I've been gone a long time but I'm back and I want what is mine The ship was the love of my life We went down together that night I surfaced and married a shell And for years I just cruised on the run

So don't try and fuck me about The worst thing that happened was I was standing too close to your heart I'm tired and about to wake up

If you’ve been paying attention there isn’t a goddamn single word I need to say about this song. But I’ll say it anyway: 1. Plastic Beach. 2. 2D is so fucking done. 

ruby - Ben Khan 

I’m not sure what the first verse is about, but the rest goes into two people doing drugs together and having fun and having this like unspoke "if I say I love you out loud it will ruin this” kind of thing. 

Double Dutch - Superfood

Omg this song is cute. A part of me worried there something dark about it but I can’t find it. It just seems like the tale of someone that find something they were good at, joined a group of people that share that interests and now that thing is part of their identity! 

Don’t You Forget About Me - Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs

I’m fucking sorry... but... “Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs “... really??? ALso jUsT FUck oFF?!! Lyric Selection:

I never understood you How you'd press on my heart till it broke Nothing lasts forever Where do those feelings go? Don't you forget about me Said you couldn't live without me That I gave you the warmth that you missed Always knew there'd be others How many lives have you had since we kissed? Tell me you'll always remember What we had before it all fell apart Don't you forget about me, baby Is it right if I love you more? (Don't you forget about me)

(Also apparently there are 5 more songs for each character if you go to the spotify app, but I kind of only want to touch on Play God by Refs because........ oh boy)

You're making it easy Whenever you tease me To think that there might be something there I know that I won't be Won't ever be happy Sticking around, cause you don’t care I don’t know why I’m always hypnotized I try so hard to look away I can’t move anything, I’m paralyzed When we’re close I don’t have anything to say I’m happy to help you Whenever you want me to Boss me around and hang me dry I know that you need me More than I need you But I love when you look me in the eyes

this is so sad alexa play tranz

Russel:

Can’t Get Enough - DJ Manny

The singer wants to have sex with the person the song is about.... there's a lot of interesting... tapping. I found this song a tad annoying, Russ. 

Superstar - Popcaan

Ok so this song is by the same dude that was in Saturnz Barz who raps in Patwa... Soooo. It’s hard to understand and. theres a lot of words. I think it’s about, he grew up in poverty but always knew he’d be great, aaand now he is. 

Mirage - Toro y Moi

“I just want everybody to have a good time“ He’s trying to fix something, worrying about it, but there nothing he can do because nothings really lining up. 

Pet Cemetery - Tierra Whack

His dog/friend is gone/dead/killed and misses him and keeps his name alive because he would do the same for him :((((( I really enjoy this song for Russel combining the imagery of like dead fluffy animals and the idea that his friends were shot down. ... sad. 

The Feeling (Roberto Echo Remix) - Summers Sons

Keep it on, keep it loopn on... He’s got a lot to say and he loves his friends and he’s just gonna keep making music with his buddies and staying strong. Hell yeah, Russel, you have fun over there being stable. 

Hip Hip - Mos Def

SO there’s a lot going on with this song, it’s pretty amazing, and you should go listen to it. But for the purposes of this little tumblr post it just further characterizes Russel as very passionate about black american and international black issues. 

Runnin’ - The Pharcyde 

dude why do all of Russels song have so many words... I believe, with only reading it once, its about finally deciding to stand up to people bullying you. 

Jazz - Mick Jenkins

People. are out here. lying. and doing drugs. just like the last one. Lots of rap lyrics. really good. about social issues. not long enough attention span. 

What did we learn? Russel is out there being a good boy, just caring about his community and making music and being stressed out about stuff a bit. 2D is regretting allowing himself to be with someone that didn’t fully commit to him because of all the pain it’s caused him AND FUCK MY LIFE UP DUDE. I JUST WANT THEM TO HUG IT OUT OMG!!!!

[enchantingexile]

Snow - c.h

Request: No, literally dreamed this the other night and wanted to write about it. This freaken post made me dream about it.

Warnings: Its a long one.

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

You meet Calum in the snow and he invites you inside to meet the rest of the band.

MASTERLIST

Tomorrow was finally the day you were flying to London to meet your penpal Amelia for the first time, you two had been writing your correspondences for the past few years and youse had finally planned on meeting this year. 

You had been packing for a while now and you were going to head to bed at a reasonable time tonight so that you don't miss your 8 o’clock flight tomorrow morning. Before sleeping you send a message to Amelia and to tell her how excited you were to finally meet her. The morning had come and gone and you were now on your way to London, the plane trip there was as boring as you would expect it to be. 

It had been so many hours later when you finally arrived at the airport in London, after having been pushed through security and luggage claims you just had to wait for a message from Amelia telling you that she was there and you could finally leave and get to sleep getting your jet lag intact before your real holiday begins. Amelia messages you a few minutes later telling you where she is and soon after you were off running with your bags alongside you. 

When you see her where she said she was parked you begin to run even faster feeling like any second you would lift off of the floor and start flying like the plane you were just on. As soon as you are close enough to her you let go of your bags and run into the embrace of her arms for the first time ever.

“I am so happy you are here” She tells you with her head on your shoulder and slightly in your hair, you can feel a tear of happiness slip from your eye and trickle down your cheek. 

“Me too” Is all you can muster out. She lets go of you and helps you retrieve the luggage you had disregarded in your haste to get to her.

When everything is in order youse get into the car and leave to get to Amelia’s house. The drive is long and tiresome, you cant help your eyes from fluttering shut on the way. Soon enough you are at her house and unpacking your stuff trying to get settled into the spare bedroom of hers, after you have packed your stuff away she calls you to dinner, which was just the food youse had gotten on the way home from the airport. 

“You look so tired, you should go to sleep” She tells you slight laughter in her tone as you try to keep your head up. 

“I don’t want to just yet” You say just as a yawn slips through your lips “Okay, I will after I eat” You tell her. 

Just as you had said you would, you went straight to up to the bedroom after eating. As soon as your head hits the pillow you fall asleep, the day finally taking its toll on your mortal body. 

The sun peeking through the curtains wakes you from what felt like a coma but was just jet lag. When you wake up, after checking your phone and going to the bathroom you go downstairs to check on Amelia to see what she is doing but when you get downstairs you find nothing but a note on the kitchen counter informing you that she still had to go to work today but would be back later on and youse could do something then.

It was after lunch when you decided that you couldn't stay inside of this house any longer, the itch to touch snow was too tempting. You wanted to feel it melt in your fingers and throw your first snowball so that's what you set out to do, you got dressed in something warm, locked the door and walked outside. The first thing you saw was, in fact, the white covering the pavement and littering the shrubs. 

You didn’t want to go inside just yet so you decided to start walking, you didn’t know where anything was or where you were going but you walked until your feet started to ache and the cold started to get to you. You decided to take a break and rest your feet, sitting on the closest bench to you.

“Oh, shit” You cussed out loud, you had just remembered that you were now locked out of the house because you had forgotten to take the spare key with you. “Fuck, fuck, fuck” You whisper to yourself, standing up and you begin pacing back and forth. 

There is someone across the courtyard from you having a smoke and they are staring at you like you are crazy. Every time you walk back and forth trying to come up with a plan you look up and the boy is still staring at you, he is laughing to himself and you know its because how crazy you look.

When you have calmed down you stop your pacing and search for your phone, wanting to find somewhere you could go to whilst waiting for Amelia to get home. You sit back down on the bench and put your head in your hands, digging the palm of your hand into the sockets of your eyes trying to relieve the tension that was building up in your forehead. 

You sit, groaning at yourself and staring at the sidewalk thinking about what you should do now, you can feel the eyes of someone on you. When you look around you see him again, he is coming to you now. As he gets closer to you, you notice it had been the boy you had been fawning over online. Calum Hood.

This was not how you wanted to meet him, but I guess you cant change fate. You’re going to have to play it cool. 

“You alright?” Hes standing to your left smirking down at you, hands in his pockets.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” You tell him as he came to sit down beside you, you could feel his body heat radiating off him even through the cold breeze.

“Why the pacing?” He asks, you scoff at yourself and shake your head at him. 

“You probably don’t want to hear about it, I’m sure you’re busy” His response is to shrug at you.

“This is all I have to do, right now” He’s smiling at you and facing towards you. 

You begin by telling him about how you had just gotten here and were on a vacation/ visit to your penpals house, you casually slip in that you and Amelia had met because they had spoken about 5 seconds of summer for the past few years, he smirks at this. Then you tell him that she was at work and you had locked yourself out of her apartment and you don't really know your way around town so you were kinda stranded right here. 

“If you need somewhere to hang out for a little bit you can always come inside, I’m sure the boys won't mind some extra company” You nod hesitantly, hoping that you weren't being annoying and he wasn't just pitying you. He goes to get up, but you grab his hand and pull him back down softly. 

“Just stay out for a few more minutes, I've never seen snow before” you tell him, kicking the snow with your foot. 

He smiles back at you and pulls you up. “Do something in the snow, I want to take a photo” he tells you, you decide to go with it. You hand him your phone to take it on. 

You pick up the snow and throw it in the air, it falls down around you and on your hair. Calum walks up to show you the boomerang he made of you. It was beautiful; the sun shining through the buildings, the snow that was already falling and the snow you had thrown in the air was cascading down around you. 

“Thank you” You say smiling at your phone “I’m Y/N, by the way” You laugh a bit and extend your hand for him to shake. He shakes your hand and the snow begins to fall more than before, so with your hand still in his, he pulls you with him undercover. When he lets go of your hand another cigarette is lit up and youse talk until he finishes it. He talks to you about the snow, Australia doesn't get snow so he loves it too. The way he stares at the snow with wonder-filled eyes makes your heart melt.

He continues talking about how much he loves the snow and how beautiful it is, he talks to you about how his music is going at the moment and how he has been writing a lot of new songs recently but now he has some more inspiration thanks to you. 

Just as the cigarette has given its last puff his bandmates come out to check on him, or at least that's what they said when they all came fumbling out the door. 

“Cal!” They basically scream, even though youse were just in front of the door. He groans back in response and turns around to face the three staring at you. 

“I'm coming back in now, I was just having a cigarette and Y/N was having an existential crisis so she is coming inside too” They all look at you again and you shrug at them, not actually sure what is going on at this point. 

“C’mon then. It's freezing out here” Ashton calls whilst walking back into the complex holding his sides because he didn't put a jumper on. Cal begins walking but you are kind of stuck in place, not sure of what to do. You have wanted to hang out with them for so long but you don't want to be a burden towards them, everything is okay when Calum turns around again just before he enters the building and waves his hand beckoning you to come in. 

“Are you coming in? It’s getting colder out here” You nod your head and follow him into the building, he leads the way into a dressing room kind of area and all the boys are lounging around already. It looks like they have morphed to be one with the couches and you snicker a little which makes them all look at you.

“Whats funny?” Luke asks you kind of oblivious but also in a friendly way to try and start a conversation.

“Nothing, you guys just look comfortable” You gesture to them laying down with their legs on the top of the couch and on their phones oblivious to how they looked. They all kind of look around and laugh at themselves, you sit down in the first seat you can find, Calum sits down beside you and you get out your phone for something to do.

Its been a few minutes since you have sat down and no one had said anything, everyone besides Calum had been engrossed in their phones. He was sat right beside you and your legs were touching due to lack of space on the couch and the way that Calum sits. You had been bouncing your leg up and down nervously since you sat down and you could feel Calum looking at you, he puts his hand on your knee to stop it from shaking.

“We should get going soon” Calum says to the boys. You get up to leave but are pulled back down onto his lap a laugh emits from you before you quickly move off and onto the seat where you had previously been sitting. “We aren't leaving yet” he makes a tsking sound at you. “Did you want to come to the house? I mean you are still locked out of yours” He says kind of sly. 

“I don’t want to put youse out or burden you” you tell him low enough so he is the only one that hears you talk. 

“It’s fine, I wouldn’t want to leave you alone walking the streets of a town you don't know” He smiles at you trying to coax you in, of course it's going to work. He smiles at you and knocks your shoulder lightly with his, you smile in return. 

He gets up and extends his hand out for you to take, you do so and all the boys follow youse out the building and into a car that had pulled up. I supposed one of them had ordered a car beforehand. 

The ride to their house is filled with silence and the tapping of phone screens, the car soon arrives at their house and you are the first to pile out of the car, Calum following close behind you. His hand goes to your lower back and he guides you to the front door. 

There was still a while until Amelia was going to be getting off of work, you were going to stay for a while, then leave as soon as Amelia messages. 

Calum is leading you through the house and into the lounge room, all the boys follow and turn on the tv and PlayStation ready to play.

“I’m going to order some pizza” Calum yells back to youse while walking through the house on the phone. You sit down on the couch next to one of the boys. They have fifa on the screen, you laugh to yourself and lean back into the couch. 

“You want to play?” Luke holds out a remote for you.

“Sure, if no one else wants to play” You look around and the other two shake their heads in response. “I’m guessing you are supposed to be the best player then if they don't want to play then” Luke gives a sly shrug and a cocky smile.

“Yeah, maybe” He laughs a little.

“Okay, I haven't played in a while so you’ll have to go easy on me” You tell him trying to act as innocent as possible. Calum walks back into the room and the games begins, you are scoring points against him like its nothing. By the end of the game, you have won and he is looking at you in awe. 

“I may have played this game before” You tell him shrugging your shoulders, Calum is looking between you and Luke with a huge smile on his face, Michael and Ashton are laughing and you hand the remote over to the next person, leaning back on the couch to watch Michael and Luke play now. Calum’s arm tries to sneak behind you and rest on the head of the couch. It reminds you of the classic date move that you see boys try to do in movies. 

The doorbell rings and Cal is the one that gets up and answers it. Its pizza. Fresh, hot pizza. Your stomach growls at the thought and Calum walks back in with it. 

“Dig in” He places the pizza on the coffee table and the game is paused so that they can all eat. 

Shortly after you had all finished eating and after another few games of fifa, beating them each time. You get the text from Amelia telling you she is done with work and can come pick you up now. You get Calum to send her the address and she tells you she will be there in 20 minutes, that gives you some time to beat them at their game again.

When there is only a few minutes until you will be getting picked up, you decide that you should probably wait outside. You say goodbye to the boys and tell them that you hope to see them again, they respond the same. But Calum walks you outside, he puts on a jacket and waits with you.

“Do you think I could get your phone number?” He says as soon as youse step outside. You laugh a little but reply with a quick ‘yeah’ and a smile, handing him your phone he puts his phone number in and messages himself, handing the phone back afterwards.

“Maybe we could hang out again whilst you are still in London?” He asks, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“I guess we could do that” You smile and try not to laugh at his nervousness. Amelia pulls up on the curb and you go to leave but turn around quickly to give Calum a quick kiss on the cheek. 

“Thank you for today, Calum. I definitely owe you one, you were a real knight in shining armour today” You smile and wave at him as you walk to the car and drive back to Amelia's house. 

[longsightmyth]

Chapter-by-Chapter, The Naming, Chapter 16

PELLINOR

So the dude talking to them in the speech is essentially a marchwarden. He’s not a bard though, which is confusing to both Cadvan and Maerad, who both thought only bards could use the speech. Maerad can’t even use the speech yet, so she’s a little left out when Cadvan and the new guy tell each other things. More people who can presumably use the speech appear with more bows and arrows and lead Maerad and Cadvan off.

The bowmen led them for hours, long into the night. Maerad looked up through the trees and saw the stars shining bright and cold above them. How many times had she cast up her eyes to the stars for succor? she wondered to herself; for as long as she could remember she had found a comfort in their chilly beauty, so remote from human suffering.

Keep that in mind: we’ll chat about it in the comparison section.

The bowmen lead them to a super fancy bardhome where the trees have even grown some beds. Cadvan is pretty chill about the whole situation, saying that he’s grateful for a bed and food while Maerad (understandably) frets. They sleep.

Cadvan learns the bowmen’s names in the morning when they set out early (Farndar, Imunt, and Penar) but nothing much else. After a while Maerad realizes they’re following a path, and they reach a river. Cadvan thinks it might be the Cirion, which does run into and out of the forest. Nobody knows what it does while it’s in the forest, though.

They are brought to the city of Rachida, which is made entirely of wood. Throughout are planted gardens and orchards. It sounds pretty great tbh. Cadvan says he has in fact heard of Rachida in story and lore (it was one of the havens of the Dhyllin) but everybody thought it had been destroyed.

As they walk through the city the people are kind of interested in Cadvan and Maerad (they’re both pale and dark-haired, which appears to be a rarity here) but even more interested in the horses. The children especially follow them.

They are led to a hill and told their ruler’s hall is at the top.

There’s a lot of similarities to Lothlorien for reasons that will soon become even clearer, but Rachida is actually more similar to Gondolin for all that Ardina could easily be compared to Galadriel.

They get to eat and wash their faces and hands and rest, and then Farndar comes back to lead them to what is effectively a throne room.

At the far end was a dais on which was placed a single chair, carved simply out of a polished black wood that Maerad thought at first was stone, and in the chair sat a tall woman. She was robed in white, and her hair fell freely down her shoulders almost to her feet, like a river of silver. Her face seemed at once young and infinitely ancient, as if she were the painted image of a queen who had reigned in ages long past which, by some enchantment, lived; and her gaze pierced Maerad with a strange thrill, as if she had stepped into a cold river. She bore no circlet or jewel or staff of authority, yet Maerad knew at once she was a queen of great power.

The woman tells them that it’s a good thing Cadvan knows the speech, because otherwise they might already be dead and she’d be a little bit sorry about it, since she prefers people not to die needlessly. They’ve been brought to her to hear her decision.

“I will tell you willingly of us, Lady of Rachida,” said Cadvan, bowing. “But it seems a lack of courtesy not to know who I am addressing, and who reigns over this enchanted place.”

“You wish to know who I am?” The woman seemed to ripple with amusement, although she did not laugh. “I am called many things. To my people I am the Star of the Evening, and the Song of Morning, and the Sap That Feedeth the Tree of Life; and once I was called the Child of the Moon, and the Jewel of Lirion, and many other names. I have wandered beyond the Gates to the Meadows of Shade and returned whole, and so am encumbered with a doom alone of all my kind, and am also called the Alone. What is a name?”

Cadvan, who apparently missed the whole bit about names being pointless to her, asks if she was once known among bards as Queen Ardina. She says yes fine, that’s her too, and she hadn’t thought anybody remembered her outside Rachida.

Cadvan says the bards at least remember her, but they all thought she died, and Ardina basically says she isn’t allowed to die.

They all sit and chat, Cadvan filling Ardina in on a few things, and,

She asked for news of the realm of Annar with a distant curiosity, as if they spoke of something that had nothing to do with her, but was quaint, like travelers’ tales of distant regions.

So if you can’t tell, Ardina is an Elidhu, though we don’t know that for sure for another two pages or so. She mentions her kinship with Maerad (second Elidhu clue, the first being, of course, that she’s only vaguely interested in the human world: I still love that little detail. Even the Big Good Elidhu is kind of like ‘sometimes these stories are entertaining’) and sends them off to rest more while she considers some things.

The kids still love the horses, and Cadvan and Maerad are given a guest house to sleep in, where Maerad asks about Ardina since Cadvan is so flummoxed by her continued existence.

Ardina, it turns out, fell madly in love with a mortal king and rescued him from Arkan (the Ice King, if you remember), but first she had to exist, so Cadvan gives us a bit of poetry.

When Arkan deeme an endless cold

And greenwoods rotted bleak and sere,

The moon wept high above the world

To see its beauty dwindling:

To earth fell down a single tear

And there stepped forth a shining girl

Like moonlight that through alabaster

Wells, its pallow kindling

A wild amazement fastened on

The Moonchild’s heart, and far she ran,

Through all the vales of Lirion

Her voice like bellnotes echoing:

And from the branches blossoms sprang

In iron groves of leafmeal wan,

And Spring herself woke up and sand,

The gentle Summer beckoning.

Basically, Ardina is a mashup of Galadriel, Luthien, and Arwen. I’m less mad about it than I could be, especially since she was apparently created in direct opposition to Winter, aka Arkan.

So Ardina rescued Ardhor from Arkan, and Cadvan says there are a zillion and twelve tales about her (paraphrasing).

“But I wonder what she meant, when she spoke of her doom. The Lady Ardina was one of the Elementals, and she alone of all her kind attempted to die as a mortal and to follow her lover through the Gates. The songs say that they walked together past the Meadows of Shade and to the Starry Groves that overlook this world, and there at last they could be together as they wished. But it seems the songs are wrong.”

I love this, y’all. She tried to pull a Luthien and failed.

Maerad dreams about her mother Milana as First Bard of Pellinor, and in the dream Milana won’t turn to look at her. Maerad wakes up crying.

If she was First Bard of Pellinor, [Maerad] thought to herself, why did she not free us? Why couldn’t she have run away with me, like Cadvan did? Maerad couldn’t remember Milana ever mentioning her father, but suddenly she knew with adamant certainty that his death had destroyed her mother. She wondered what it was like to love someone like that, like her mother had loved her father, like Ardina had loved Ardhor. She never would: it was too dangerous. It had killed Milana. And even Maerad hadn’t been enough to save her. Why not? A pain she had never acknowledged opened and flowered in her breast. Why couldn’t she have saved her mother? Why did Milana die, so miserable, so broken, in a place so far from the bright world that was her right?

...she thought of Silvia, of how deeply she already loved her, of how in that short time in Innail she had been more of a mother to her than anyone. Except Milana before Pellinor burned, she loyally added to herself; but the truth was she could scarcely remember Pellinor.

Maerad further remembers that the Elidhu in the forest called her ‘daughter’ and starts spiraling into an existential crisis, remembering Dernhil too, and then moves on to whether going to Norloch is worth it and how exactly she feels about Cadvan.

She knew she trusted him as she trusted no other man in her life, except perhaps the father she could barely remember, but she didn’t really understand why. Perhaps it was because Silvia trusted him too; but inside she knew it was more than that. She remembered how he had first stood before her in the cowbyre, years ago it seemed, though it was only a couple of months: how his face then was gray with exhaustion, vulnerable, and, she thought now, sad. Even then it had not occurred to her to doubt him. ...what if he was wrong [about her being the foretold]? Would he then abandon her?

She can’t stop thinking and can’t sleep, so she goes outside to look up at the stars. Eventually she does sleep, wrapped up in a blanket. He tucks her hair away from her face and goes back inside to let her wake up naturally (I’m a sucker: SHE’S SIXTEEN but this is really cute).

The next morning Maerad is especially grumpy about not having the speech since that’s how everyone communicates here. Cadvan tells her to be patient and it’ll come. Maerad points out that he doesn’t know everything because he didn’t know about the elementals.

“No,” said Cadvan. “I don’t know everything. No one does, and only the foolish seek to.”

They discuss being set apart even amongst bards, but Cadvan won’t tell her why he is even if she’s noticed it.

Rachida is great, but Cadvan makes a sidelong comment about possibly not being able to leave since nobody knows about the place.

“I hope not,” [Maerad] said. “It’s time we left.”

Rachida is in fact like Gondolin in that once you’re there you aren’t allowed to leave, they learn when Ardina summons them back after a week. Cadvan makes the case that if she doesn’t let them leave there probably won’t be a Rachida to keep safe, because the Nameless One and the Dark are rising. He further tells her that he (Cadvan) was “captured by one of thy kin, one who inhabits a mountain some know as the Landrost. He was long ago snared and corrupted by the Nameless. He is a sorcerer of great malevolence and strength, and even so he is but a slave of that Dark power.”

Ardina acknowledges that she knows who he means, and Cadvan continues that his captor had a dark reflection of Ardina’s scrying pool, and in it Cadvan saw all the awful things actually currently going down in the world including the return of the Nameless because his captor hoped he would die of despair.

“The tools of the Dark have ever lied,” said Ardina swiftly.

“Aye, Lady,” said Cadvan. “But I am said among bards to be a Truthteller, and have the gift of knowing what is a lie and what is not: and I am long used to the deceptions of the Dark. What he showed me was not a lie. He could not have hoped to have tormented me with a falsehood or a meretricious shadow; and well he knew that.”

Ardina considers it and says that Cadvan has something else he should tell her, so he tells her that Maerad is the foretold. He takes his time about it: I can’t tell if he’s dolling out tiny bits of information in hopes that eventually she’ll stop asking before he has to tell her it’s Maerad that’s important or if the book is just dawdling a bit.

Ardina says Cadvan reminds her a little bit of Ardhor, and she really wishes he didn’t. She turns to Maerad.

“I see a Fate on thee, sister,” said Ardina softly. With a thrill, Maerad realized that Ardina was speaking to her in the tongue of the Elidhu, not in the language of Annar. “I sensed it when first I saw thy face. I know not what to say to thee, for thou art yet asleep, like the lily that sleepeth under the ground in winter; and yet within thee there dwells a fire of unsurpassed brightness, which will blossom in its own time.”

She says that she thinks it will mean the end of her people here in Rachida one way or the other, and Maerad says maybe it will be another beginning. Then she realizes that Ardina and the Elidhu in the forest are the same person, just slightly different aspects maybe.

“Aye, sister,” said Ardina, who was studying her closely. “You see aright. I am both Queen and Elidhu, here and there, wildefire and hearthfire, forgetting and remembrance. But do not yet speak of this, for men are impatient with such things and do not brook contradiction.”

Ardina says she’s going to let them go and gives Maerad a ring, telling her to be careful: “...you are sought by the Dark and the Light. Perhaps you will find that your Fate has nothing to do with either of them. It may be that you will find that your greatest peril exists already within you.”

She adds that Maerad has a great heart, but will suffer for it and shouldn’t let the suffering make her heart any smaller. She gives Cadvan only a blessing, but he says that’s pretty big in his books.

Maerad decides she will always wear the ring just like she always wears the jewel Silvia gave her, “as a token of love.”

They are led out of Rachida and bid everybody farewell.

Yet already it seemed to [Maerad] that a shimmering veil lay between her and Rachida, as if, even at this distance, it lay only within her memory, a golden dream of untouchable beauty.

THRONE OF GLASS

Chapters 32, 33, and 34, y’all.

Nehemia and Celaena walk through the gardens. Celaena reflects on how much of the common tongue she’s taught Nehemia even though they both speak Eyllwe on their walks, and how in learning Eyllwe she at least learned something in the mines.

Nehemia says that Celaena seems troubled. Celaena says she can’t tell her anything about it, and Nehemia says she understands secrets but will always be there for Celaena to talk to. She mentions that Celaena is always followed by guards or locked in her rooms, and “if [Nehemia was] a fool, [Nehemia] would say they were afraid of [Celaena].”

I’d worry that my friend was being unwillingly kept, but what do I know.

Nehemia says that she’s been talking to Georgina to keep her fingers in all the pies of royal politics, which I approve of. Anyway, they reach the kennels, where Celaena worries they aren’t allowed to be.

“I am Princess of Eyllwe,” [Nehemia] said. “I can go wherever I please.”

Rock on until you hit the evil conqueror whose will is supposedly never flouted, I guess.

The breeds were all fascinating and beautiful, but the sleek hounds aroused awe in her breast.

Breeds weren’t really a thing in medieval-ish society? You bred for traits, but you didn’t have, say, labrador retrievers or springer spaniels. I guess I can give some leeway because hounds were a thing, but you just went ‘I have a dog that’s great at sniffing out game, let’s breed it with ANOTHER dog good at sniffing out game.’ The classifications weren’t nearly so specific as ‘breed’ implies. Also, stop using aroused to sound fancy 2k18.

In short, when Dorian and Celaena discuss ‘mutts’ I roll my eyes a lot. If they looked nice and fulfilled a function, the dogs were already ahead of the game. If they just fulfilled a function, they were used for it.

ANYWAY.

Celaena gets angry when Dorian says that a puppy that hates people and also won’t get along with other dogs might have to be killed. Celaena immediately scoops it up and declares that that would be cruel, and Dorian says fine, he’ll find a family for it if it makes her happy and make sure she approves of the family.

But if the dog hates people and other animals, what kind of family are you going to get it to? You can’t put it with kids, kids like to pet soft things and a dog who hates people and other animals will bite. Dogs can do damage. Additionally, Dorian didn’t even say that the dog would be killed: it was a conditional. I hate to be on Dorian’s side, but he said if the dog couldn’t respond to humans it would have to be killed, and that’s an if. So like?

Nehemia and Celaena leave, discussing how pretty Dorian is and how much Nehemia has misjudged him (...?). Celaena says she would sooner cut her heart out than love a Havilliard, which. Fair.

Celaena considers running away once she and Nehemia split up, and runs into Cain, who is acting strangely. He finally leaves after appearing to almost choke himself and try to say something.

Celaena waited until the sounds of his fleeing footsteps faded, then hurried back to her own rooms. She sent messages to Nox and Pelor, not explaining why, but just telling them to stay in their chambers that night and not open the door for anyone.

I maintain that Celaena is Adarlan’s Assassin not because she is the most competent, but because everyone else is even more incompetent. The champion candidates are getting murdered left and right and nobody’s guarding their doors? I’d guard them on the off chance it was one of the champion candidates offing the others to eliminate competition.

Chapter 33

Kaltain smokes opium for her headaches. Perrington comes to see her and she swaps clothes and sprays perfume in the hope that he won’t smell it, and then drops hints about Lillian not being appropriate for the prince. Perrington agrees. Kaltain manages this while hallucinating and in the midst of a migraine.

Cut to Celaena in the library. Nehemia enters and says she didn’t know where else to go. Five hundred rebels were captured and being transported to Calaculla when they tried to escape and all of them were killed.

“What is the point in being a princess of Eyllwe if I cannot help my people?” Nehemia said. “How can I call myself their princess, when such things happen?”

“I’m so sorry,” Celaena whispered. As if those words broke the spell that had been holding the princess in place, Nehemia rushed into her arms. Her gold jewelry pressed hard into Celaena’s skin. Nehemia wept. Unable to say anything, the assassin simply held her—for as long as it took for the pain to ease.

We’re gonna discuss this later, y’all. For now, the next chapter.

It’s eleven pm and Nehemia has returned to her room. Celaena stretches and feels a cramp. We are informed she’s been like this for an hour. Philippa comes in with tea and says it’s a pity about the rebels, but that at least Nehemia has a good friend like Celaena.

She leaves. Chaol comes by and starts babbling his feelings on the matter to Celaena even after she tells him she isn’t feeling well. She throws up, which is fair - menstrual cramps are, as previously mentioned, nothing to sneeze at. Chaol is alarmed and escorts her to bed, where she finally fesses up that it’s her cycle.

He immediately flees.

Dorian comes in and decides they should play cards, since he knows she’s menstruating and wants to distract her. She throws a book at him, he says she should call him Dorian, and then he starts to mock her romance novels. She tells him Chaol wouldn’t read them either, so he takes one and hides the title to avoid being embarrassed I guess.

Dorian tells her she’s beautiful. We learn that he hasn’t ever known an attractive woman this long without courting her except Kaltain.

He goes from there to considering how he’ll feel about inheriting a conquering country to how Celaena must feel about being from a conquered country, with only a cursory mention of Nehemia, whose people are being killed right now you selfish overcooked monkfish.

Anyway, he tells Celaena he gets why she might hate him (no one ever mentions this to Nehemia) and Celaena tells him he isn’t like the others and he mentions the Yulemas ball.

Celaena can’t come. She wants to know why, and also what a yulemas ball is. Celaena, you are a motherfucking princess and also raised in this exact city, you know about the goddamn religion/celebrations.

She jokes about extending her regards to Perrington, and Dorian gets angry thinking of how Perrington treated Celaena. Dorian leaves.

Celaena stared at the moonlight as it streamed across the ceiling. A masked ball on Yulemas! Even if it was the most corrupt and ostentatious court in Erilea, it sounded dreadfully romantic. And of course, she wasn’t allowed to go. She let out a long sigh through her nose and tucked her hands beneath her head. Was that what Chaol had wanted to ask her before she vomited—a true invitation to the ball?

She shook her head. No. The last thing he’d ever do would be to invite her to a royal ball. Besides, both of them had more important things to worry about. Like whoever was killing the Champions. Perhaps she should have sent word to him about Cain’s strange behavior earlier that afternoon.

Celaena closed her eyes and smiled. She could think of no nicer Yulemas gift than for Cain to be found dead the next morning. Still, as the clock marked the passing hours, Celaena kept her vigil—waiting, wondering what truly lurked in the castle, and unable to stop thinking of those five hundred dead Eyllwe rebels, buried in some unmarked grave.

You forget about them quickly enough.

COMPARISON

Let’s get this out of the way: I love that Ardina is a failed Luthien, and I love that she kept on keeping on anyway. It’s an interesting contrast to how Maerad thinks about Milana, though later on we learn more happened than just Maerad’s father’s murder.

About the stars: Throne of Glass has a fascination with the stars, but usually in order to make bombastic statements about how much people want to sleep together etc etc. The bards have a whole culture surrounding stars (if you remember from way back in the very beginning, they’re even technically called Star People). When Maerad looks up at the stars, she’s pulling on childhood teachings that she might not consciously remember but remained ingrained in her. When Celaena looks up at the stars… well I don’t know, what do the stars even mean to Celaena aside from that one line about rattling them that originated with Treasure Planet?

Also we hit a menstruation scene in Throne of Glass, which is slightly better than I remember maybe. Everyone involved is super embarrassed except Dorian, who proceeds to try to embarrass her about her books and this is supposed to be funny? I don’t know. It feels very juvenile, but then so does the whole book so maybe that’s just what’s wrong here. You’d think menstruation in a YA novel aimed at young women especially would deal more maturely with the whole thing, but to be completely fair a lot of grown-ass people I know in real life deal with menstrual cycles in a juvenile way.

On the note of dealing with things well or not: I am not a fan of the narrative becoming All About Celaena once more when it’s Nehemia’s people who have been murdered. I understand that we don’t get Nehemia’s PoV, but we do get Dorian’s and he feel remorse towards Celaena ten times more than he feels for Nehemia, whose people are being murdered right now when he can in theory do something about it as opposed to a conquest that happened when he was eight or nine. This book’s priorities are very clear.

Both protagonists are likened to fire a lot, or having a fire burning in them, and both display fantastic capacity for destruction (granted for Celaena it’s in later books). Celaena gives lip service once or twice to not wanting to use her powers and/or wanting to be normal, but it always feels out of left field. Part of it is that we’re in her head so if the narrative doesn’t mention it it seems like Celaena isn’t thinking about it, and part of it is how little Celaena hesitates to use her phenomenal cosmic powers to threaten or punish.

Maerad uses her magic in times of fear and worries about it afterwards. She constantly worries, because it’s only been a few months. She trusts Cadvan and Silvia, neither of whom belittle her or invade her privacy or override her opinions. I wonder how Celaena would seem to us-the-readers if she had a more deeply developed relationship with anybody: it’s a pity that Nehemia is here to prop up Celaena’s supposed awesome, because Dorian and Chaol constantly override her opinions, deliberately invade her space to watch her sleep, don’t believe her if she says she feels ill, and force their presence on her when she doesn’t feel well. That’s leaving aside embarrassing her about her own body or her reading taste.

Honestly at this point Celaena feels like one of those children who are often unpleasant, but once you see their home life you understand: they have too many rules and not enough boundaries. Here, the book is the parent: it refuses to let Celaena move out of the role of Shining Light in the Darkness Who Can Do No Wrong when it tries to push the idea on us, while at the same time letting her get away with everything so long as it doesn’t directly stop the story’s goal. It’s bad writing and worse parenting.

Maerad is allowed to make mistakes and worry and second guess and be wrong. She’s allowed to be set down, but she’s also allowed to be right even in the face of her love interest, which is something Throne of Glass also doesn’t allow. Maerad is a sixteen year old coming out of a terrible situation that she ended up in through no fault of her own, and she’s adjusting, however slow the adjustment might be in some areas (or fast in others). Her experience has shown her, for instance, that dudes are to be feared or at least to be wary of, but her instincts and (short) experience with Cadvan say that he is trustworthy. Cadvan very purposefully gives her space: compare the scene a few chapters back in ToG where Chaol and/or Dorian watch Celaena sleep to the scene here where Cadvan finds her asleep.

First of all, he isn’t going into her private space looking to watch her sleep. He goes outside and she has fallen asleep there. He moves her hair out of her face and leaves her alone, in fact going back inside so she isn’t disturbed. Chaol and Dorian? Walk right into Celaena’s bedroom and stare. They stare a lot. They wake her up. They fantasize about her, so when they do something like move her hair back it’s fucking creepy instead of sweet. I cannot emphasize enough how deplorable I find it that these two men with literal power of life and death over our protagonist continuously enter her private spaces without permission (sometimes after being told to leave). It doesn’t matter that I hate Celaena. It doesn’t matter that I loathe Celaena with every fiber of my being. This is bullshit, and I hate it.

Cadvan, I think you might be worth 10,212 Dorians and 127 Chaols. Even your age difference goes by the wayside at this point.

STATS

Throne of Glass

Pages: 22

Fragments: 19

Em-Dashes: 49

Ellipses: 15

Pellinor

Pages: 29

Fragments: 9

Em-Dashes: 6

Ellipses: 7

[disruptedvice]

Two wrongs don’t make a right (but a double negative does make an affirmative)

A fluff/humor Peraltiago get together one shot

That Monday was the slowest day at a police precinct since police were even invented. The slowest day in history for cops and criminals (no robbers to catch, no nothin'). The slowest day since police even started being a thing, according to Jake Peralta.

It was the most boring day at work he had ever had. And it wasn't just him that thought the day was boring. Everyone was bored. Terry, Charles, Rosa, Hitchcock, Scully, and even Santiago was bored. She loved boring stuff. She got excited by boring stuff.

But even that Monday was too boring for Santiago.

Just paperwork, and then when that ran out it was just sitting there. There wasn't even enough paperwork to go around.

Jake never understood minesweeper and just clicked around randomly to blow stuff up, and he never had a hope of getting down the rules of solitaire. Eventually he resorted to just doing that select slide blue square with his cursor on his desktop over and over again because he was that bored.

He was so bored he couldn't even find the will to entertain himself. He couldn't be bothered to even try. Boyle kept trying to show him funny videos on youtube, but Jake was too bored to even give them a chance and just groaned every time Charles made the trip between their desks until he just stopped trying.

It was that boring.

He wasn't even tired enough to fall asleep, but he wished he was. Sleeping at his desk would be way better than this drag. But he was too awake to even get in a quick snooze and it was killing him. All this nothing.

Amy loved boring tedious stuff, but that day was too boring to even catch Amy Santiago's interest. She looked just as dead and faded as everyone else and started drawing circles on a sheet of paper because there was no paperwork to fill out after so long in. Jake would kill for some paperwork because he wanted something to occupy him other than banging his head on the desk, cause that got old (and painful) after 60 seconds.

About half an hour after Jake got home from the gray hell of work he got a text.

Amy: Are you busy? Can we talk?

Jake: I'm free as can be. You wanna come over? Or meet up or something somewhere

Not a second after he sent the text there was a knock at his door and he opened it to find his partner standing on the other side.

"I was already in the elevator when I realized I probably should have checked if you were even home first so it would be a little less rude," she explained looking like a mix between apologetic and hesitant as he let her inside.

"Is everything okay?" He asked out of genuine concern. Amy didn't do stuff spring of the moment, and she never just popped in on people. She always gave advanced notice on any and everything, and she never stopped by anyone's place for a visit just because she happened to be in the neighborhood. So he assumed it must be bad for her to forget to warn him until she was already in the hallway of his apartment building. He was actually afraid that someone might have died, but she didn't look sad so he hoped it wasn't a death related house call.

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just wanted to talk to you," she said with a half smile that made him doubt her reassurance. She took a deep breath before launching into what seemed to be a pre-planned opener into whatever she wanted to talk about.

"You know what, Jake? We're cops."

"Yeah, Ames. I know that."

"We could die tomorrow. We're always in mortal danger."

"I don't know where you're going with this..." he trailed off, half expecting her to go into an existential crisis of their chosen profession.

"I always think about what would happen if we go wrong and how that'll affect everyone we work with. But we could die literally any day. So screw everyone we work with, because if I die I want to have fucked you the night before. Or that morning. I put my life on the line and I've earned the right to be happy with you and not worry about everyone else being happy with us. But it's not like we know exactly when we're going to die, so we're just going to have to have sex on a regular basis. As in dating. You and me dating. Boyfriend girlfriend dating. This is me asking you out. If you want."

She realized that was pretty forward of her, but she decided that forward was what she needed to be. She needed to be forward and lay it all on the line exactly what she wanted from him. Because she wanted him. And from her speech it made it sound like she was sure he was going to say yes, but she wasn't sure. She decided to phrase it like she was sure so she wouldn't back down out of fear. But it was more than probable that he wouldn't want that anymore. Their timing with each other never matched up in a way that worked. But she decided that it was a good time for her and prayed that it was a good time for Jake too. A good time for both of them, at the same time. Instead of it being a good time for her and a bad time for Jake. But she went in with the hope that it was a good time for the both of them.

After she finished asking him out in a way that she thought might make him laugh (her rambling was unintentional and she didn't exactly think about phrasing the words that came out of her mouth, but afterwards it seemed like a style of confession that Jake would appreciate). But he didn't laugh, or even smile. Just silent with no response, and she realized that it probably was a bad time for Jake. Just another case of mismatched timing between the two of them.

"So let me get this straight, the most boring day since ever was the day you realize our job was so dangerous and basically yolo?" He asked, still trying to piece it all together.

"It was kind of like an epiphany," she explained. "Random perspective. You can say no. I totally get it if you've moved on from feeling all romantic-stylez about me" she informed him, dropping her confident act so he wouldn't feel bad about rejecting her when she seemed so expectant of him. Cause he was just standing there staring, and she figured that since he hadn't said yes yet he was just trying to find the best way to say no. She really did it overkill with that whole speech, didn't she? It definitely would've been a billion times less awkward if she just asked him out like a normal person instead of her almost dying speech. God, this was a huge mistake.

She wished she could just turn and walk straight out the door, but she knew she couldn't leave until he actually said a word. At least one word. She couldn't leave without him telling her yes or no. She needed an answer from him.

"God, please say something, Jake. If that sounds like something you want to do then okay, but if you don't just say no. Or something along those lines. If you don't want to do a whole romantic-stylez dating thing with me just say no and I can go," she pleaded for him to give her an answer so she wasn't just left wringing her hands in wait all night. Wringing her hands only a few feet away from him waiting for him to say a word.

"Nuh-uh. No way. Not at all," he said like she was crazy to even ask and her face fell flat. Of course she was hoping he would say yes, but he didn't need to be such a jerk about turning her down.

"Wait – I'm not saying no to you," he hastily tried to correct himself from her reaction. And he looked half frantic with flurried hands so she had no clue where he was going with it. "I'm saying no to what you're saying. I'm saying no to your no. You're wrong about how I feel. I mean, you're right, but your last few sentences were wrong. I mean... fuck," he swore before giving up and kissing her.

His hands tangled in her hair was so much better than seeing them fumble around in the air a moment before when he was talking. A moment before he shut up and gave her probably the best kiss of her life. Definitely the best kiss of her life.

She wasn't exactly expecting the kiss so when it happened all of the sudden her lips parted completely involuntarily and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss and ran with it. When he was kissing her like that it wiped all trace of what he said from her mind. She couldn't remember what he said, couldn't even remember what she said. She couldn't even remember what she asked him or what she was doing there when Jake was kissing her like that. When Amy was nibbling on his bottom lip and scratching her nails down his scalp there wasn't anything else in existence. No words, no signals, no messages.

Just the kiss.

She sighed when their lips parted, but he leaned his forehead against hers so even without kissing she still had his breath mingling with hers and their hands still entangled in each other's hair, but he didn't make a move to separate any further than that.

"Yes," he breathed. "That's the word I was looking for. I'm saying yes. No to your no. Yes to your yes."

"You forgot the word yes? And you forgot any other word that could have sufficed?" She wanted to be mad cause he came that close to giving her a small heart attack because he forgot one of the most common words ever, but she couldn't stop smiling and actually chuckled because he was saying yes. He wanted that. Her. He meant yes.

"I kinda forgot most of the English language. And I forgot how to stop speaking too."

"You're such an idiot."

"Is that an epiph-y-thing-y you're just now having too?" And god, with that smile, there was definitely no way she could be mad at him now. And... she was pretty okay with that. She didn't mind.

"So, just to be clear, now that you remember the word yes, that is what you're saying?" Amy knew she probably didn't need to double check, but you couldn't blame her for wanting to hear it again. Truth be told, she wanted to kiss him again too. She wanted to hear him say yes one more time, and kiss him oh so many more times.

"Yup. Yes. We're dating now, no take backsies. You're stuck with me now that I remember word stuff."

"I think I can live with that," she told him, wrapping his arms around his neck and dragging his lips back to hers in a very, long awaited kiss. Now all they had to do was catch up on lost time.

Luckily, they had all the time in the world.

[identitycris1s]

I had a really disturbing dream last night. Not sure if it’s cos I’ve been handling a maternity mortality case or what but I dreamt that I was somehow involved in a birth situation where I was.... the surrogate (or was I the actual mother...I don’t know)? But instead of me being pregnant and giving birth, the baby had already been born (from another woman) and they were trying to stuff the baby into me??? When I woke up I thought to myself - wait how do surrogacies work again? Surely they don’t stuff the baby in someone else? (When the foggy morning brain had cleared up I realised that obviously that’s not how surrogacies work....)

Anyway life has been weird and confusing cos of inter alia the following: working from home / stress crying every day / crying everyday even when work load became okay / realising that the crying didn’t stem from work stress but rather... existential stress ? career stress ? (which is quite different from work stress) / spiralled into a career crisis / seeing a counsellor / deciding I don’t want to be a lawyer / questioning what I want to do with my life / thinking I have no real passion or skill / realising that’s a really defeatist mindset and I can very well just choose something that I’d like to be good at and that I’m interested in rather than resigning myself to a life of ambivalence and mediocrity re: work / trawling LinkedIn when I should be working / thinking maybe I’ll join something snazzy like marketing or business development just cos those seem cool and fun / realising that I care about public interest stuff but not sure how to go about doing something about that / did a Sarah’s Day workout one day and sat on the floor in my puddle of sweat scrolling on my laptop and somehow ended up looking at MPP programmes / chanced upon the LKYSPP website / thought hey this seems right up my alley / looked through the modules and felt interested in something for the first time in a while

And so. I have embarked on my application to the LKYSPP. Asked my Enviro Law prof to be a referee and she replied so quickly I thought surely this must be a confirmation that I should be doing this. But I’m having doubts.... I have doubts everyday. I ask myself why can’t I just do public interest legal work? Why do I have to go and do a whole other degree? Is this just a way of escaping a job I don’t enjoy? Why don’t I enjoy my job? My colleagues are perfectly reasonable and my workload is fine on most days? It’s just a little boring sometimes? Surely I can just go to another firm if it’s the boredom that’s the problem?

Have been battling with thoughts of - when I graduate, I’ll be 2 years behind my peers, in both experience and salary. People be gettin married dude. Having BABIES. I’m out here going back to uni. Honestly I think I’m ok with this. I think about where my seniors are at in their careers, and whether I want to be a ‘successful lawyer’. I don’t think I do. Corporate law = boring and finance-focussed. Disputes = tiring and feels futile and pointless and dumb and time-wasting. I don’t want to spend my life fighting other people’s battles when I feel like I have no skin in the game. I don’t really care how the dispute turns out. I think it’s cos my clients are all private clients and I don’t quite care about their interests? 

Ok this is definitely unfair to all lawyers who are interested in their jobs and I am probably coming from a place of ignorance and inexperience but honestly sometimes you need to follow your gut right? 

I think on balance that I do want to pursue an MPP and that I will not regret it..... sure, this comes from a place of privilege (I can easily forego 2 years of salary, I have no debts or loans to pay off, my parents are willing and able to fund the school fees). But that in itself shouldn’t be a reason why I don’t do this right? And I do think that the things (and careers) I am interested in don’t just revolve around the law. I want to serve the public good but I don’t think I want to do it in the legal sphere. I guess I feel like the legal industry is pretty restricted in its scope. I get that the law covers almost every aspect of life and that law and policy are definitely intertwined. But if I were to move into the Ministry of Law I would be focussed on policy making around legal issues eg dispute resolution and the courts and mediation etc. Instead, I want to get stuck into policies relating to other things, things that affect the everyman (not just those that get into trouble with the law or are looking for a fight). I think about what moves me most, and truly it is poverty and social inequity and seeing people live in circumstances which just don’t seem fair or right or comfortable or dignified. Seeing the old uncle cleaning the table at the hawker centre when he could be chilling on a park bench hanging out with friends or baking or painting or doing something fun in his retirement years. Seeing the hunched over dude in the wheelchair in RP exchange selling lotto tickets. Feeling like crying every time I see these people. These people don’t need lawyers. They need policies that will help them out of their situations. 

I think that brings me into the realm of social and economic policy which is definitely something I’m NOT familiar with.... which is scary to say the least. But I’m interested and passionate and that’s more than I can say about the legal industry.

The next thing I need to settle is getting LSP’s approval / ask him to write my referral letter. Which I am kind of dreading. Or rather I feel the need to prepare quite extensively for this, in the sense that i need to actually speak to him and explain where I’m coming from and this requires me to crystallise my VERY MESSY THOUGHTS!!! into coherent sentences and ideas. to hopefully push me along this path I’m working on my personal essay (during office hours...oops...) which has proven much more difficult than I originally anticipated. 

Will update with the results of this entire endeavour! Bye for now.

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... F is For Family (S02E04) Night Shift Airdate: May 30, 2017 @Netflix @GaumontTV Ratings: Privatized @BillBurr @mikepriceinla Score: 8.75/10 @FYeahBill @FIFFNetflix TVTime/FB/Twitter/IG/Tumblr/Path/Pin: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** 'Is my house clean?' No seriously, I'm gonna look up and you take a look in. I need to know... Can't go trouncing about town, especially the notorious 'Cocaine Cowboy City' of Miami with powder around the edges of my nostrils. I wouldn't think anyone, in any decade of existence, would want an onlooker seeing them trading coke for anything right out in the open... Whether that's in a record store, yes they still exist & I'm sure they would love a visit, or a street corner... I'd suggest visiting the record store over the street corner. Just as walking, talking, 'Teenage Turmoil', 'Trepidation Tornado' (Yeah, I'm also a sucker for wordplay), Kevin Murphy (Justin Long) is looking to make it big in what he sees as almost a dream world of sorts as a bonafide rockstar, he spots his well connected, high rolling neighbor, who is very much a part of that dream world, bribing an aggressively apprehensive DJ to play a pop record with a picture of a 'Teen Heartthrob' holding an adorable puppy on the front... But hey this is where they are in their lives. Pretty sure I've been lower. Vic (Sam Rockwell), along with the rest of the cast, has so much more room to breathe now that the series has been extended from 6-Episodes to the nicely rounded off number of 10 entries for S2. However, this means that Vic can no longer simply be that hurricane of a character, representing the perfect storm of carefree 1970's hedonism and indulgence. Suddenly, there are consequences for his actions and we are peaking into a long, dark tunnel where Vic is on the verge of an 'existential crisis'. No, there are no immediate repercussions for any of Vic's self destructive behaviors quite yet anyway, but the forlorn fates are written all over his face. Right now he's much closer to what we would refer to the point of 'existential dread' than we would call a full blown 'existential crisis'. The writers are smart though, they're giving you a peak of his cards without letting you see his full hand and that will surely create a helluva payoff when it it's finally time to pay the piper. That's a stark difference from a character that was once a quick, in & out, 2-D slice of animated comic relief. When it comes to television, cinema, film, real life, whatever... 'Existential' and 'Crisis' are literally my two favorite words in the English language, not only because they are so beautiful when paired together, but more so the fact that it's one thing Im actually good at. I know that's a really weird thing to be proud of, excited to dive into, or even claim to be 'good at'... But with all the LSD & DMT I've consumed in my life, I believe I've had more self-induced existential crisis and egodeath(s) than most of the worlds population. It's not just hallucinogenics and weird dissociatives, or even a finely tuned education in psychology & sociology that have made me an expert and lover of all things 'existential', it's also real life experience in all things crisis... Inner, outer, dramatic, and otherwise... I've always been dramatic, I got it from my mother, and her adoptive Mother... They are whatever is slightly above the 'every southern woman' version of Bette Davis & Joan Crawford. Everything is a spectacle, darling. Anxiety attacks are full on broadway performances, complete with Tony Awards, a nice Southern 'Wink', and a long list of 'Thank You's at the end... Oh and trips to the mall that start out sweet & fruitful and end in sheer terror. My Step-Father is more like the American Cherokee version of a cross between Tim Allen & Jim Gaffigan, if that makes sense. He has a traditional, signature style of humor that is both clean & observational and masculine & sometimes surprisingly crass, mainly due to his dual nature and long hard road from the cesspool of a nasty rock bottom to the heights of being a pillar of his community. There was a time in my life where these attributes all made me angry, just like Kevin. At that rebellious teenage age, if someone says go, you stop and if they say stop, you go. If a parental figure or an adult influence that we look up to makes a mistake, as a young adult many times we hold them to it unfairly... As if they're supposed to be perfect because they are the adult. As kids, we want to meet them halfway with unrealistic expectations. Essentially that's because adults meet their children and particularly teenagers with unrealistic expectations, themselves. Can't expect a toddler not to touch a hot stove, can't expect a little kid not to pick their nose (or worse), can't expect a teenager not to do usual teenager stuff, and we can't expect our parents to always remember all of that in times of stress. Looking back now (and let's hope Kevin moves forward to this place soon), I know that I learned the most from watching my parents make mistakes and subsequently finding a way to fix it, by any means necessary. Kevin is already sick over his issues with his dad, so he's practically ready to give up when he sees Vic forking over line after line until DJ Howlin' Hank (Josh Adam Meyers) would say he loves any record Vic gave him to play (yes, that includes records with vinyl covers that feature kids holding puppies that look like they "fell out of Donnie Osmond's pussy"). When one reaches the epiphany that hard work, talent, and actually being cool isn't what gets them to top, a breakdown of some sort is to be expected. Personally I've had this specific epiphany more than once (complete with influential dramatic Hollywood Breakdown), so a nice soul searching, ego shattering session of smoking weed (or simply insert alternative mind expansion drug here) his friends refer to as 'Oregon Gold dipped in Columbia River Salmon Piss' out of a baby doll made into a pipe is just what Kevin needs to push him to a point where he's ready to face this new, harsher, cruel world to get their band's ultimate goal achieved... Being played on the radio, preferably by DJ Howlin' Hank... Because, you know, at least they are 100% sure what it takes to make 'Hank Howl' (thanks, Vic)! So off the clueless teenage trio goes to score some blow. This should be good. Kevin has currently written off his father, Frank (Bill Burr), for his inability to accept a certain kind of defeat... Or better yet, I should say... Face his humility for a greater good and 'bite the bullet' at the unemployment office. He sees his father's stubborn pride as a weakness, when really like any human attribute, it's technically both a positive and a negative. The fact that Frank is lying to Sue (Laura Dern) about it, makes it all 100x worse, though... Creating a mountain blocking any possible view to see the silver lining. Frank taking a humiliating, lower paid job, just to avoid a handout is silly and ultimately a bit insane, but at least Frank is trying to do something instead of curling up into a corner & folding. Still, the whole ironic arrangement is not lost on us. Don't think for a moment that we won't be on the lookout for bumper stickers being sold at 'Hot Topic or 'Urban Outfitters' that say "Ask me about my Loser Husband's shit job!" Frank's insecurities and paranoia are officially at an all time high. His new boss Smoky (Michael Kenneth Williams) shows Frank the restrictive ropes of the world of vending machines, its many perks, and how to "Shove it. Slam it. Twist the lock. Stick the key inside your sock." Why can't the key just be on the key ring? Simple. "Because the rhyme came first, system came later." Frank is killing it, but an accident with the lock on the back door (see how important those rhymes are), ends up with the bag of change they've been collecting falling out of the back of the truck and finding it's way all over the dirty urban street. Frank goes into survival mode, scouring the street like a hardworking crackhead to recover the change. As this is happening, Kevin is out looking to score $10 worth of coke in the same seedy downtown neighborhood. Last time I checked $10 won't get you a bag of coke, and I live in a city where cocaine is easier to get than the attention of a bartender, and cheaper to get than a simple single liquor cocktail. These three young clowns mistake a pimp for a drug dealer and one of the funniest scenes of the series commences when the 'white' they are all so ready to score turns out to be an obese, Caucasian, $10 prostitute that has difficulties keeping one of her titties inside of her blouse. As the trio scrambles to escape the low rent hooker who offers to 'fuck them all if they have a sandwich bag', they end up passing Frank digging for nickels on the side of the street. Ok, ok... This is obviously the worst possible scenario for Kevin, but his frustrations lead him to march into the radio station with his band's demo tape in hand, demanding to be heard. Fuck the system, right? Everything might be going to shit for the characters in the Netflix Original 'F is For Family', but when you are down on your luck and you don't even know why you're stuck in a meaningless, chaotic existence... Suddenly an existential crisis becomes your best friend. Frank's embarrassing dedication to picking up the change in the street leads him to secure the job of no one's dreams, Sue has a sudden idea for a product invention when going through the mundane process of drying out her lettuce while making dinner salads, and Kevin's frustration & desperation pay off after the boys tune in to hear Vic use a two syllable taste of their song to introduce the weather segment. To three young boys with a pipe dream that's like the equivalent of being featured on MTV's 'Total Request Live' in 1999. Recently I've watched a friend go through a horrible incident and face their mortality. Suddenly that person is trapped in an existential nightmare... 'What's any of this worth if it really doesn't lead to anything, if we are all biding our time on this earth until the Grim Reaper comes-a-knocking anyway?' And that's just the base of it. We've all got our existential and emotional baggage to deal with, but it's the unexpected moments when you're at your lowest point that suddenly remind us that even tho we might all just be going through the motions and repeating history over and over, sudden sparks of light can suddenly reignite your passion for life... Its as all as easy as that, or as difficult as that, whichever way you want to look at it. Like Frank said in the beginning of FIFF's 'Night Shift', "I woulda killed myself, but I don't want to haunt my own house." **********Written By: Kevin Cage********** Special Thx: TVTime, Bill Burr, Michael Price, Jerry Wilson, Kat Holiday, Chad Rigsby... Dedicated to: Denver G. Pratt http:://www.tvtime.com http://www.spotlightsaga.com http://www.facebook.com/SpotlightSaga http://www.facebook.com/groups/ArtsEntertainment

[takerfoxx]

“Fires of the Sun: Epilogue” Thoughts

All right, let’s wrap this up.

Okay, starting things off with Yukari's scene, her bits with Byakuren and the remaining SDM crew are pretty self-explanatory and don't require a whole lot of commentary. I am going to say that I actually have no idea where Sakuya's character development is going to take her, save that this sort of quiet, reserved, no fucks given madness thing she has going on right now is…sort of intriguing. She's gone beyond rage, beyond grief, beyond hate, and is, at that moment, more dangerous than she's ever been. And though I haven't planned where it's going to take her just yet, I am interested in finding out.

Bringing Koakuma back was always a given, though the manner went through some changes. Originally I had planned for Shinki to be the one to receive the request and have her reject it out of hand because of rules or some such, only for Yukari to show an uncharacteristic amount of kindness and snap at her, causing Shinki to relent. However, some last minute changes in the previous chapter meant that Shinki was no longer available, so that scene unfortunately had to go. I also was thinking of having Koakuma still be wearing her Serpentine Marauder uniform upon being summoned back. Theor natural consequence of that would of course have Yukari recognize it, draw some unfortunate conclusions, and immediately start interrogating the poor little devil. Honestly that would have been the better choice, as it opens up numerous plot and character opportunities, but at the time I was tired and didn't want to expand things any more than they already were, so I just had her show up naked like a proper summoned succubus and left it at that. The poor girl was already having a rough day anyway.

The final bit with Satori and co. gave me some issues. At that point, I was growing concerned about the runtime of Yukari's scene, especially when compared to the later ones, and felt that her having a third encounter would make it a little tedious, and considered giving it its own section. However, that disrupted the flow of how these loose end scenes were being set up, and everyone was already there anyway, so screw it. Fortunately, in reading it over, it wasn't as bad as I feared, so that worked out. Also, originally I was just going to have her yank Jun and Utsuho over in a couple of sentences, but given what Utsuho had been through, she deserved a little more. However, her scene with Jun was in danger of running too long, as they started to have a serious discussion of their relationship thus far and Jun's bullying of her, and while that would have been interesting, the focus at that moment needed to be on Satori's return, so it was trimmed. But in doing so, it seems a little abrupt and out of place, so perhaps that wasn't a fantastic idea after all.

As for Satori herself, she should thank her lucky stars that her original plotline got scrapped. It was a little awkward dividing her time between her affectionate pets and talking to Yukari. I still get a kick out of her mind-reading answering all of her question instantaneously, and am very glad that that's back. I did have to use my mental wayback machine to recall everything that she wouldn't know as well as everything she should know and remind myself that she did get a good look at Yuuka's true form. Also, I don't care how much he's slipped out of relevancy. Soulja Boy will always remain a form of torture.

The scene from Yuuka's POV (or what's left of her) was short, but worked very well. I'm not really one for flowery, poetic language. Slightly sarcastic and to the point is more my style. But I did try to slow things down and get a little verbose when trying to describe Yuuka's condition. After all, Mima's lovely speech to her was only going to be a few paragraphs, and I really wanted to drive home just how unbelievably broken she was. I mean, the burns are one thing, but Yuuka is have now officially fallen off the crazy tree and hit every branch along the way. Funny thing about her fourth wall breaking thing: originally, it was done simply to set up some gags in the future, have her interrupt the author's notes and stuff like that. But the execution proved to be even bigger than I had expected, and once it was there and started to get a lot of attention, I realized that now I had gone through with it, I needed to take it seriously. Having her be a Deadpool sort of character cracking postmodern, self-referential jokes wasn't going to do it. And going the full Stephen King route of having her break into our world and kill me or something like that would be too honky.

So instead of just making it be a silly thing or drive her to do something way over the top, I decided to let that one peek she got be the whole plotline. That was all she was ever going to see. There wasn't going to be any cutting into other Gensokyos, no entering our world, no including me as a character, outside of those talking directly to the audience bits. She was just going to get a quick look, long enough to realize what was going on, and have it bring everything crashing down on her. Her status as a fictional character was going to literally drive her nuts, cause her to question everything, have an existential crisis, and essentially drive her mad, which is pretty ironic, considering what she is. She would try to deal, become obsessed with storytelling conventions, and over time delude herself into believing that she was the main character. And as such, Yidhra the Outer God, a being beyond comprehension who would literally drive lesser mortals insane by her mere existence, was in turn driven mad herself by something she couldn't understand. Karma, baby.

Reimu's scene was to establish how tense the whole battle would have been to something unable to participate. She, Reisen, and Remilia filled the roles of worried loved ones stuck at home, desperately waiting for any sort of news. And as is my wont, that news was delivered in the silliest manner possible. Y'know, the whole Tengu newspaper business has a lot of fun possibilities. I've been frequently annoyed by clickbait sites like Knowable and whatnot as of late and how irritating their set-up is that I realized how much the Tengu would love such a set-up. Steal other people's stories, compile them under a huge, annoyingly attention grabbing title, and then cut them up in the most irritating way possible to squeeze every cent out of advertisers. And you ever notice that when they say stuff like, "Number three is shocking!", the actual number three doesn't really stand out all that much from the others?

Though that aside, you really have to feel for Remilia here. Her whole humble pie arc was intended to break her down from being a smug snake and make her a more sympathetic character, but damn did it go far. As for Reimu, I'm not too sure where her story is going to go from here. I mean, I know what part she'll be playing during the big climatic scenes in the future, but as for how she'll handle the news of Mima's heel turn or anything involving Rin Satsuki or her friends or whatever, I have no idea. Will she stay at the shrine or will Yukari end up moving her somewhere safer? Will Alice get to teach her magic or not? What is she going to do with her time until the shit hits the fan again? I just don't know yet, but I look forward to finding out.

On a side note, I did plan a cutaway to Alice and Shanghai, but realized that I didn't have anything for them to do that would add to the chapter, so it got cut. We can always catch up with them later.

And then we get to Rin's scene. This one was a big hodgepodge of points I needed to hit and trying to weave them all together. Okay, Flandre had to acknowledge the trauma of losing her old friends, check. Some banter with Rumia, check. Seija got knocked out again so she doesn't ruin the scene, check. Daiyousei's still got her snowglobe because the hell I'm gonna let it get left behind, check. Kogasa's still crushing on Wriggle, check. Doremy gets a proper introduction (and finally an accurate description of her tail) and helps Rumia sleep while making Rin jealous, check. And all the kids had to finally get named as well. I already knew that Kogasa, Doremy, Sekibanki, Kurumi, Seija, and I guess Sara would be among them. As for the rest, I had already discarded Clownpiece (too strong), the Prismrivers (unlikely to be there), anyone not a loli for…obvious reasons, or anyone part of any specific cast herd. I briefly considered Ringo, but didn't really feel like it. I did scour the remaining PC-98 characters, so that's why there were so many demons. Hey, Yuuka's been to Makai before. To fill in the remaining slots, we had Rengeteki as the obligatory fairy and the glasses-wearing Kappa from the Kappa mob. I almost added one of the nameless PC-98 midbosses, but decided to go for the Kappa instead.

And on aside, Doremy's introductory scene was a hoot. I'm not a huge fan of the newer characters, but she was a lot of fun. She and Cirno are going to get along just fine.

Then we get to the final bit, where Rin discovers the bodies of her parents (and yes, that's what they were, everyone already knows it so I'm not spoiling anything). No real behind the scenes thing with that. It just felt like an appropriate way to wrap up her arc before the hiatus, having her return to the place where her story began and finally get some closure with her origins, even if she hasn't figured out who they were.

In regards to lady Meika, again I can't really talk about who she is and how she's connected to the plot, save that she is something that several characters' individual plotlines are building up to, and her bits take place long after Imperfect Metamorphosis's finale. I did drop several hints though, a few of which have already been picked up on. Not all though.

And then, at last we cut back to Hina, who's been conspicuously missing ever since the Shadow Youkai got sucked out of Rin. That was deliberate, as I wanted her scene to be a surprise, as a final, dark reminder that Rumia Yagami isn't gone for good just yet. Anyway, remember how I mentioned being stunned that I was finally getting to write a scene that had been planned years and years ago? Well, this was that scene, and it felt eerie to finally get to do it.

Though on another aside, I tried to make the whole author notes breakdown even wonkier, even to the point of including ASCII art and weirder formatting. Alas, went and ate it all up. Stupid limited formatting options.

So yeah. That's it. That wraps up Fires of the Sun. Looking back, I'm really happy with how it came out. Were there weak spots and areas that could have been done differently and done better? Yes. Where there parts that I skimped due to, and let's face it, laziness? Yes. Did it surpass The Storm as intended? I'm…not sure. The thing to remember is that when The Storm happened, it was sort of a trendsetter for this story and, and this is going to sound arrogant, for Touhou fics in general. I got a ton of notice in the English Touhou fandom for that mini-arc, mainly due to the surprise inclusion of Lovecraftian elements and Yuuka's big fourth wall break. Also a lot of controversy as well, but hey, free publicity. But that was years ago, back when IM was still on the rise. Now the hype's died down, people have gotten used to it being around, so it just doesn't have the same impact as before. It was more of wrapping things up from that big shocker rather than being another big shocker. Marisa's death came close, but not really to the same level.

So no, I don't think Fires of the Sun matched the impact of The Storm. It's more polished perhaps, and maybe the fight scenes flow better, but it doesn't have the newness The Storm had. But that's okay. This was for everyone who stuck around to see what would happen, a way of bringing about some measure of closure before putting this ginormous story on the shelf. And in that regard, I feel it succeeded nicely.

So…I guess that's it. Wow, okay, Imperfect Metamorphosis is now officially on hiatus. Thank you all so much for reading, and be sure to stick around! More stuff for Subconscious is to come!

Cheers, everyone!

[drabbles-n-stuff]

"So you want me to fall?"

"I want you to do what's best for you. If that involves you becoming a demon? Dearest mine, do so."

This was... a lot to think about. She didn't want to think. It was so much easier on the battlefield. She could have just stayed there... that would make her happy. At least, that'd make her happy enough. To stave off this wave of existential crisis, she drank the rest of her cup, as well as Lulu's once offered it.

"Did I expose him to too much?" Poppy mumbled, the effect of the 'joy' tea gone as quickly as it came. "I don't want to hurt him."

"Oh, he'll be fine. But it seems like you have an admirer!" Lulu cooed, whistling in delight. "He keeps saying how cute you are. Was he babbling like that before, too?"

"Yeah... I... it's weird, isn't it? I've never been called pretty, honestly. Gallant, powerful, solemn, stalwart... just... not pretty. It's a nice feeling. Does Veigar call you pretty?"

"And many other names of a kind sort of love. And you want to know a secret?" Lulu leaned in Poppy's ear, purring. "I have so much pride that I was the one that he chose over anyone else in our Runeterra. Every name just makes me even happier with myself."

"And you don't feel... bad for it? Truth be told I.. uhm, I'm not, I'm not sure I'm comfortable being called... 'pretty'. I don't think a man that's twitching on the ground and feeble is on the right state of mind to call one 'pretty'. What if he saw me as something else?"

"How about we ask him when he wakes up?" A reassuring nod, wich Poppy also agreed with. "He should be a bit more stable by then."

A small guest room, usually reserved to their more savory customers, now housing a mumbling madman who a few hours ago was bleeding from his eyes and singing praises in tongues yet to be learned by mortals. Shelves filled with exotic spices, potions, and manuscripts, a bed made out of wood found in lands to the east, even more so than Ionia. Nothing at all belonged to Bandle, let alone the Continent of Valoran... a truly alien place, even if there was a comforting sense of familiarity there. At least for Poppy.

The room was dark when his consciousness returned, but even with half-blind eyes, he could see the precious light. He stuck a hand out to it.

Poppy blinked, staring at the hand with confusion, before remembering the gesture Tristana and Teemo did so ofter.

She held his hand.

"Amor..."

Lulu stared at the Angel, eyes wide and glassy, holding her breath. The house, the whole forest, holding their breaths in unison.

There was a moment of hesitation.

"...Yes?"

The mechanic rolled to his side, and for a moment it seemed like he would get up...

... before retching his guts out. Almost literally, as he emptied everything and then some that were inside him. And finally passed out once again, clutching his belly and moaning in pain.

"I..." She needed a moment to take all that in. "I-I thought... he was... he was better?"

"He isn't dead! Though now I need to clean this stuff. Give me a day or two, he'll be able to talk like a sane person then. I'll keep tabs on what he says about you." Lulu purred, but after wiping away most of the content Rumble retched on her, she crossed her arms.

"I am not going to abandon him. He is my... my... duty."

A glance from Lulu was what it took to make her melt.

"We may talk about it later. For now just... just take care of him. I-I'll help with the mess." Poppy scrambled away in search of a broom, while Lulu pulled a piece of cloth from under her hat and got to work. Where did it come from? Who knew. Man, that hat was useful.

By the time Poppy was back with a shovel in hands, the room was already cleaned, and the only odd thing, besides everything else in that house, was Lulu snorting some kind of green powder.

"Do I dare..?"

"EEP! No, don't worry. Just, you create a dependence, and before you know you can't feel anything anymore. Oohoho! This one kicked in quick. I am not well." For some reason, the prospect of feeling sick made Lulu... happy? She walked away, going to the kitchen to make something to immediately make herself feel better.

Man, mages were weird.

Ignoring the odd woman, Poppy took a chair from the kitchen and sat down, holding his hands.

"Please wake up soon."

A week had passed.

Lulu was finishing up washing the dishes, whistling a tune alien to Poppy's ears.

It was hard, having to leave the house, the woods, and report to the Council that her job was going well, only with a few 'unforseen issues' that were being dealt with 'as soon as possible!'. They were already doubting her, threatening to send her to Brand for a check-up. Every day she didn't bring either soul in was a day of worrying more. Did she really want to end up in Limbo? Forever forced to hammer steel and bone into shape for her superiors? Worse, be an angel of Purification, being stripped of every sensation other than pure zealous... well, she would say glory, but the more time she spent with these Yordles, the more she realized... 'fury' would describe them better.

And yet there was still something telling her to go back into the fold.

She chose not to share those issues with Lulu, even if the Sorceress could sense it.

"Poppy." The scrawny voice hissed, and the Repenter got up in a jump. Lulu's melody broke into giggling as she heard the armored giantess running to the room.

And there he was, dumbfounded and weirded out as ever.

"She's he... oh... oh..." It was impossible to not smile, for both of them. Veigar raised his hands in the air, chuckling as he walked to his own spouse, closing the door behind him and leaving the two together.

"...Yeah. I-I've been here a while, actually."

"I'm sorry for... y'know, being an idiot and... yeah."

Poppy blinked. "You're apologizing. For me. Almost killing you?"

Before he could answer, his head was resting against her soft chest, armor dissipating like it was made out of dust, Arclight sprinkling around her. "No no no, my little... my... Rumble. You're still warm."

His cheeks were bright red under his fur, and he was desperately trying to hide a boner. She smelled of gardens freshly bathed in rain. She was so cold, draining the horrible heat that was plaguing him. Her arms were so strong. "I-I've... I'm.. still uh... still... fever. It's just a fever. D-dumb yordle stuff."

"Stop saying that. Please." Her chin rested on top of his head, staring at texts in languages forbidden by the Heavens above, lost in a swarm of emotions she had barely any experiences with. "But tell me of one thing. I beg you."

"Y-yeah?"

"Did you truly mean it? Or were you simply mad by--"

Rumble pushed her away, pulling the pillow he had been sleeping on over his crotch. "Yeah uh, a-about... I... uhhh..."

"It is ok if you say you did not. Truly! I respect your choice. But I must have a concrete answer. I beg you."

"... is it going to make my hand flare up like I'm sticking it on boiling oil?"

She held his left hand with both of her own, resting her forehead against his. "I promise it will not."

"I... I can't stop thinking about it, really. I mean, I, look, I... sh...should I say everything?"

"I won't force you to. But... I'd like your thoughts, yes."

"... then I'll say... you were fucking beautiful." He winced in preparation for a pain that never came and slowly continued. "I... I've never seen anything that pretty. Like, you know, yeah, I like weird stuff. I know that much. But you were always.. really pretty? There was a reason I was hitting... uh, flirting with you ever since we met, y'know?"

"You were?" Poppy looked at the verge of tears, and the runt couldn't tell if they were of joy or sadness.

"... yeah."

His question was answered with a strong grip on his hands, followed by giggling.

"Rumble. Would... would you mind not seeing that? Anymore, I mean."

"You're... letting us go?" There was a hint of pain in his voice.

"I'm making sure I can't."

His confusion was visible, and as she let go of his hands, he let out a whimper. It wasn't burning, but... he longed for her touch once again. Already.

"I'm a fool." He giggled, taking the pillow off his lap and burying his face in it.

Lulu didn't seem to notice Poppy at first, continuing to talk about how the moss wasn't growing as healthy as it usually did this time of year. It took Veigar growling to finally make the Sorceress pick up who was sharing the kitchen with them.

"Oh! My dear! How are yo--"

"I want to fall."

Lulu's jaw hung open in the syllable she was cut off on, and even Veigar's veil faded as he lost all concentration, half-blind eyes staring wide at her.

"Uh.. Miss?" Poppy waved her hand in front of Lulu, who blinked before slowly catching herself.

"I... wow, you know, I really didn't think I had any more surprises ever since Veigar said yes. This is... exciting! You really mean that?"

"It means I will be like the Incubi, yes?"

"We can deal with your paperwork! But, you know... you know what that implies, yeah?"

"I don't. I don't care. I will have Rumble, won't I?  Then it is settled."

A few minutes passed, and now Rumble was sitting on Poppy's lap still looking rather confused by everything. Veigar fumbled furiously through a tome that exhaled the smell of sweat and burnt wood, Lulu scrambling for materials. Candles, jewels, flowers...

"Just, just tell us how."

They both stopped what they were doing, once again confused.

"RUMBLE!" Lulu spoke, dropping the materials on their table, palms extended to him like she was showing something off. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO! DO IT! THAT'S THE WAY! It won't be pretty, but it's what she wants! And do it away from here, otherwise, it'll be a whooole messier process! Go, go have fun!"

The mechanic's cheeks flushed, and Poppy stared at him. "Junkyard?"

"Yeah, t-to the junkyard. Yeah."

They walked there, hands held, the mortal's heart pounding with excitement, and a smile in the Angel's face that no threat of punishment could harm.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck..." Rumble buried his face on his hands as he realized what he had for his first experience with Poppy.

A confused smile in her face appeared, staring at the old, dirty Rumble used for resting. "What's wrong?"

"I... t... w-well, you'd have to lay there, but.." He turned around, walking away very slowly. Would Tristana lend her bed for them? He couldn't just ta--

"Rumble. My Yordle."

He turned around and on the dirty cloth, Poppy laid, waiting. "This is yours, correct?"

"... yeah..."

"Then it is more than I could ever want." A pain on her chest started to grow, but she ignored it. "Come."

He was a mumbling, quivering mess as he got naked, and Poppy followed suit, the shirt and pants she wore fading away.

"What now?" It was comical, the two-feet tall fuzzball trying to find a comfortable place between Poppy's legs, this amazon with a figure built for war as much as it was made for desire. A treasure hidden under valuable materials, that were worth nothing compared to her.

It was useless. He could find no way for it to fit, and was starting to regret even feeling that way for her. She probably didn't even want it. Was this just her being nice? A trap? He was almost in the verge of tears. This isn't what he wanted. What he thought would happen, moments ago.

And all his paranoia faded as she kissed his cheek, a very cold, uncomfortable kiss, followed by a hand in his shoulder. "It might be easier for me to do it. Yes?"

He couldn't speak. He didn't dare stutter anymore, at least not now. He didn't want to ruin it. This time he wanted it. He wanted it for real. He needed her. More than any girl or guy he had in bed before. It felt like his chest would burst.

And as she sat on his lap, staring down at him, she whispered very softly. "And now, my love?"

"I... y-your... between your legs. Is it wet?"

"...The hole?"

"Ye... yes, the, the hole."

She touched it, cheeks glowing a soft waxy yellow. "It feels nice to the touch.. why does it need to be wet?"

He sighed, squirming away from beneath her. "L-lay down again, I'll, I... I'll make it wet. I-I'll try to. Otherwise it'l hurt and... I... I'm..."

"Shhh. Do what you must. I don't understand this. Please do not feel pressured. We’re both going to spend a lot of time together, yes? Then, please. Don’t be afriad.”