#lily from himym

[lingzhu]

my rule with female characters is, i will not dislike them if i, realistically, would behave so much worse in their situation

[gojoest]

choso is the type of bf that would lie to you about hating certain foods bc you love them so much. he would rather shove them on your plate to make you happy even if it means not eating his favorite stuff for the rest of his life

[i-dont-want-your-hysteria]

Oops (Joe x Reader)

(I genuinely didn't think I started this that long ago, but I started this at the end of 2020 and it sat for a long time until I finished it last fall. Oh dear... a long time to wait for a dumb little hurt/comfort)

Words: 1,464

Prompt: 1984, Dublin. You're part of the DL entourage that's playing some scrimmage football matches with a local band. You end up on the opposing team, causing some accidental consequences...

-----

Disorient and a sharp, throbbing pain were the only things you could feel. While you heard other people surrounding you- urgently trying to talk to you- all you could think to do was press your hands over your right eye, writhe, moan, and wait for the pain to subside.

"Hey, hey-" Mike's voice indicated he was kneeling by you on your left, "Easy now, how bad does it hurt?"

Joe was the next voice you heard as you felt him collapse to your right, "Fuck, Y/n! Oh my god, I'm so sorry!"

"Is she alright?" Mutt sounded like he was running to your location.

You were still focused on what Mike asked, and you groaned angrily at him, "Uggh- fuck...!"

"Shit!" Joe cursed again, "I'm sorry Y/n, it was an accident, I swear!"

"I knoooow-!" you growled at him. Not wanting to sound angry at him was your goal, but the sudden shock of the injury kicked your adrenaline up.

"Lemme see, can I see?" Mike tenderly touched one of your wrists. He let his other hand rest on your shoulder to keep you still.

Everyone now sounded like they were surrounding you; the rest of the band, the band's extended friend group, and even the opposite team. The game had obviously been put on pause the second you fell to the grass.

"What happened?" Phil had finally reached the scene of the action.

Joe immediately confessed, "My fuckin' elbow hit her- but I dunno how!"

You opened your healthy eye, and with a hiss, you allowed Mike to remove your stiff hold from your injured eye.

All those surrounding you hissed in return once the sight of your developing bruise was visible.

"Oh my god-" Joe's voice went higher and an intensely guilty frown piloted his facial expression.

Mutt noted, "That's only gonna get worse."

"Can you open it?" Mike asked.

"Nooo..." the whine was accompanied by you cautiously pressing a hand back to your injury, "I don't wanna try..."

Sav, who was nearby, turned on his heels and began to run towards the sidelines, "I'll grab some ice-"

"She's gonna have a shiner from that; we should probably get her to the hospital just to be safe- make sure nothin' broken," Phil was crouching down while warning them.

"I'll drive," Joe wasted no time to volunteer himself, "It's my fault she's hurt."

Mike stepped up also, "You're not going alone- someone's gotta be there in case she kills you."

"Yeah, she'll do it with one eye closed, too." Steve remarked. You wanted to laugh,  but found it hard to show anything other than pain.

"How bad is it, Y/n?" Rick was directly at your feet in front of you. He held up a few of his digits, "How many fingers?"

"Four," you grimaced.

"Well, she's not THAT bad."

"Y/n, I'm so sorry-" Joe helped you sit up with great caution- as if he were terrified of injuring you again, "I'm so sorry- I don't know how it happened! One second we were fightin' for the ball and the next-"

"Ughh just shut up, Joe!" you snapped at him, the throbbing in your head getting the better of you, "I know you didn't mean it- can't you just let it go for now?!"

"Kind of hard to not feel guilty when your eye's turnin' into a grape right in front of me-!"

You took your right hand off your swelling eye, and fumbled around to find his shoulder. Your nails dug into him almost instantly when you snarled, "Just shut up-! Help me now and I'll kill you later!"

Joe hissed when your nails broke his skin, "Alright-! That sounds like a deal..."

***

Mike and Joe sat next to each other in the ER waiting room some time later. Each were looking down at their hands, but Joe was looking more at the contents he held in his hands. Every flower and half-wilted flower in the bouquet he grasped nervously glared up at him, mimicking his anxiety and remorse.

"I elbowed Y/n in the eye." he declared to no one in a tone of unfortunate acceptance, "I gave my sweetest and most tender friend a black eye."

"C'mon, Joe," Mike tried to cheer him with a little sarcasm, "Do you really think she's still your friend?"

The singer looked up at him with guilty horror lacing his eyes. 

"I'm kidding!" Mike assured him with a chuckle, "But seriously, you're gonna have to get more than flowers for her if you think you can patch this up with a present or two."

Joe gazed back downwards at his bouquet like a lost puppy, "Don't rub it in. It was an accident- and I'm STILL not sure how it happened!"

"I briefly saw it, actually. You were both scramblin' for the ball, Y/n slipped, and at the same time you were 'tryna nudge her away with your elbow, you just so happened to catch her eye while she fell."

Joe let his head hang in shame. 

"It was a one in a million accident, mate" Mike patted his back, "I'm sure she understands. In fact, she does, and she already told you so. So there shouldn't be any hard feelings."

"I'll believe that when she proves it."

Just then, a nurse approached the pair of them, "Y/n said she'd like to see 'The King of Offensive Offense'?"

Joe sighed, standing up with his head still lowered, "That would be me."

***

The nurse opened the door, and your head lifted up to see Joe walk in with a bouquet in both hands. He was reluctant to look at you, but after a brief lingering second, he lifted his head. For an instant, you saw his guilty green puppy eyes staring up at you.

Immediately, however, he let out a short cackle and covered his mouth right away. 

You just stared at him with disappointment, arms crossed. The eyepatch on your face limited the invisible pain you wanted to send to him. 

"I'm sorry-" Joe tried to mitigate his laughter and failed, "I wasn't expecting the-"

Instead of saying anything or smacking him like you wanted to, you simply lifted up your eyepatch. That seemed to shut his happy ass up.

"...eyepatch," he gasped with his now-fallen face. He stared in horror at the large, purple, swollen mess over your eyelids. 

He watched you stare at him with intense contempt, and saw your face slowly contort as you began to cry.

"No, no-!" he panicked and rushed to your side, tossing the flowers aside in the process, "No, don't cry, Y/n!"

Taking you in a side hug, he kept sputtering off as his own voice cracked, "Please don't cry-! I didn't mean to hurt you- I swear I didn't- and I'm so fucking sorry this happened-! I'll do anything I can to make it up to you, I'll do anything to..."

Joe lost his train of thought, as he noticed something different about you; your "crying" had turned into laughter. He broke the hug and watched you cackle to yourself, black eye and all. 

"I'm sorry-" you laughed to him, "I just had to make you feel a little worse!"

He only sighed with relief and put his face in his hands, "Yeah, okay... I definitely deserved that."

"I know it was an accident, hun," you patted his shoulder, "But I'm never playing football with you again."

"You're really good, you know."

"At football?"

"No," he shook his head, "At acting. You almost had me cryin', too."

"That was the point." 

"I know, I know, I deserved it," he nervously rubbed the back of his head, "But are you okay, though? Is anything wrong with your eye?"

You gently smiled and shook your head, "No, everything's alright, miraculously. You get to live another day."

He sighed in great relief, "Oh thank god- I mean that you're alright- not that... you're not gonna murder me for this."

"Get my other eye and maybe I will."

Joe picked up the bouquet he'd carried in and handed it to you once more. You took it this time and squinted down at the blossoms in it, then squinted up at him.

"Of course you picked these flowers."

"What makes you say that?" his head innocently tilted.

You deadpanned to him, "...I'm allergic to these."

He gasped and snatched them away from you, "Fucking- are you serious!?"

You began cackling this time, "I'm kidding! I just love messin' with you. Give em here."

Joe hung his head and outstretched the bundle of flowers again, "Oh boy, I'm in for a long guilt trip, aren't I?"

Taking the flowers and holding them under your chin, you grinned from under your eyepatch, "Yes, yes you are."

[strideofpride]

Six Sentence Sunday

I may or may not be doing something I personally find very embarrassing and writing a HSM fic (I just need to get it out of my system okay!!!!) anyway...

“Wait, Troy?” Ben asks. “Who’s Troy?” “Gabriella’s very hot boyfriend who has very terrible gaydar.” “Ex-boyfriend,” Gabriella corrects to deaf ears. “How hot? And how terrible?” “Like he thought I was trying to steal his girl terrible.” Ben laughs out loud at that. “Has he seen you?”

[misschanadlerbong]

https://www.tumblr.com/hydesjackiespuddinpop/713176942582611968/sleepover-saturday

STELENA

Thank you so much for requesting these!!! so I made both the moodboards you asked for...

STELENA

MARSHMELLOW AND LILYPAD

[transpeculation]

i have noticed that while media made for straight women does occasionally romanticise men, it very rarely eroticises them.

like. i’m looking (respectfully) at gay magazine covers with sexy dudes on the cover and they are so erotic, so sexualised, in a way that i just do not see marketed to straight women.

[matrivers]

no dynamic is funnier than a very devoted and in love “straight” couple and their one friend that they both think is attractive who is completely oblivious to the whole situation.

[brunetteaura]

did the character quiz and i got all the neurotic sexy bad bitches

[navigatingsinglehood]

This post means nothing bc nobody irl has said anything to me about anything. But I've stood by my idea for years on how a person's ships or favorite media says a lot about them.

My thought tonight is about at/a and Zu/tara, K@t@nng, and many more. If I found out you were a K@t@nnger and you said you liked me, I'd immediately think you're a) you're gonna want me to be your mommy but in the not hot way, b) gonna be an emotional cheater at the least, c) you're gonna be mature for everyone but me, and d) I refuse to raise kids with you lmao, like damn I can just see it now, oh and e) rage for thee but not for me, like again with the mommy thing, I'll have to be your external emotions homeostasis being but if I'm ever having real emotion besides joy, I bet you'll tell me to stop overreacting.

But like this applies to other ships or media too.

You like Star Wars? Ok, that's cool. Oh, you just described yourself as a purist Star Wars fan?

Another, and this one is kinda a self own but I also feel like I'm growing out of it, but Disney princesses. Lol. Like PLEASE say which one you think you are because I promise it speaks volumes. I know it does which is why I'm keeping mine secret rn lmao

The stories and characters we love tell on us. So please. Tell on yourself to me lmao.

What is maybe your favorite show, bb?? 😘

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hades x AFAB!Reader || Drabble

HELLL YES I'M USING THIS GIF.

Plot: So apparently your hot new God lover is not comfortable with the idea of using his cock on you (Apparently his cum is similar to something called... 🔥hot glue??🔥 Which does NOT sound good for your insides- ), so he improvises.

Warnings: Smut!! And, I hate this word but its the word, so- Dildo use. *sigh* 🤦‍♀️ (This word for me is what moist is for Lily Aldrin in HIMYM) Also monsterfucker themes, small gagging mention, Hades drawing out your orgasm for his own sake. Starts out gentle, gets rough.

Tagging: @disney-android-foundation , @marinerainbow , and @ryantryan6969 . I forgot to tag again! I'm so sorry! But here we go, half an hour later XD I hope you're in a Hades mood!

"Yeah," Hades' smirk is scary, sexy and sharp, looking at the... thing, he's created. "that should do it."

Your eyes are wide, and your cheeks and neck and chest are aflame from the kisses and being propped on the table with your legs parted, feet set on either arm of Hades' throne. Right where he wants you to be, caging him in. "That-... I, uh... Hades... that should do it, for- for... what?"

Its an odd thing, for sure, in his hand. Its cylindrical, thick and long with a soft, rounded tip that's slightly puffier than the rest of it. And at the other end of it theirs a wider, flatter part; A base. And the thick cylinder part is slightly... curved, too. You're not quite sure what you're looking at, though theirs definitely a thought nagging in your minds-eye, so you're just sitting there hot, breathless, exposed and baffled until Hades' takes notice.

When Hades notices your confused eyes, still clouded with the lust he built you up to already but also just... confused, his smirk becomes more devious. No longer can you see his teeth, just lips spread long, high cheekbones, narrowed eyes- and a glint.

"Oh trust me you're gonna love this handy little thing when we're done tonight- I might even let ya keep it, if I'm feeling charitable. A gift; from me to you, babe. Compliments of the house~"

"Its... well- it looks weird."

"This, doll, is an exact replica- of that thing I toldya we're not uh... using, today."

Immediately your face gets hotter, like its caught on fire. THATS what was nagging at you!! That- This thing- its a- its his-

You just called a God's manhood weird-looking. Oh n- Suddenly Hades changes his grip on it, holding the base and moving- disappearing from the throne before your eyes and reappearing again, standing tall before your far littler, mortal form. When the thing kisses your bare and already soaked hole, all thoughts vacate your mind and your hands fly to his toga; gripping the fabric in your fists.

"Trust me, eh? You're gonna love it when I'm done. Would I steer you wrong, babe?"

Dragging your eyes from the thing, up to Hades' eyes, eyes you already feel like you're falling in love with despite the short time you've been spending time together, you give it a think. Would he?

Or- more importantly, do you care? Right now you're absolutely dripping, curling your toes in anticipation of the thing stretching you out (feeling needy just at the feel of it ghosting against your slick skin), clenching Hades' toga in your fists like it'll lesson your achiness at all, and you feel so high on lust you'd do just about anything to be filled. His kisses were like a terrible drug, his tongue hot, thick and skilled teasing yours for what felt like forever, torturing you forever, until he finally attempted to reach his hand up your thigh. You're practically shaking with want. You've never felt it this bad, before. No one's ever turned you into this much an oversensitive mess before just with kissing.

To be fair though you've never been with a God, before.

After a moment you give a nod, desperate to have something fill you- rub against your clit- drag you to the edge by force. Fuck you.

"That's my favourite new plaything~ Okay, now listen,.. " You watch Hades lean down closer to you with glazed-over eyes, until he passes your lips by and you let out a sigh and drop your forehead on his shoulder, as he instead whispers hotly in your ear; "Here's the deal. You come, when I say so. I don't wanna hear any 'Hades I couldn't help it', cuz see I'm not gettin' anything outta this, am I babe?- what am I getting outta this? Nada. We're not even using my actual equipment, here. For your safety. Yah... So you're gonna have to put on a show for me, yeah? So c'mon, gimmie somethin to look back on. Be my personal pornstar."

You're already slipping away into foggy-brain mode, ready to disappear into the feeling of getting fucked, losing yourself in his voice. "Mhmm, o-kay." The smell of smoke is starting to overwhelm you, too, taking over your senses. It fills up your nose when you're this close to him, it warms your body, it leaves a barbecue-like taste on your tongue.

"Gonna haveta hear ya say it, babe. Remind me what's our deal?" The fake-cock presses against your folds, almost-almost breaching the entrance and stretching you and you give a hopeless whine.

"I'll... mm... you're missing out, so- so I'll... "

"Hmmmmm?" Hades decides to be an ass and strokes the thing up an down your folds, making it even harder for you to think. He also presses a simmering kiss to the top of your head to hide his chuckles, the bastard.

"... I'll be a p- pornstar for you... "

"That's right." Theirs a soft kind of pride in his voice that makes yours your insides squeeze, just as he slips the objects head into your pussy; beginning to massage it at a gradual pace in and out, going in deeper and deeper until the whole thing disappears in and out of your little, drippy, stretched entrance. You're gritting your teeth and pressing your forehead hard into his shoulder before you know it, feeling the throws of hot, throbbing pleasure building in you already.

While you're moaning and taking the fake cock in, the curve stretching you open and grinding perfectly against your sensitive clit (just enough to feel good but not enough to help you over the edge), Hades glides the long sharp fingers on his free hand along your thigh down to your knee- then pushes it back gently so your legs are open wider. It somehow maximises the feeling in you and you cant help the way your walls twitch around the thick, slimy instrument. How your hips roll towards it. "Hades! Hades hades hades- please please- "

"Good work, doll!, keep begging and you might just get watcha want outta me~ Maybe." His pumps get ever-so-slightly faster, filling you up more insistently, causing the sloppy suctioning sound of your tight wet cunt to get embarrassingly loud in the big empty room- making him smirk. "Sweetheart trust me you look good there... gonna be hard to talk shop here later on, if ya catch my drift. Eh?~ "

The thought of Hades communing with other gods, or the fates, or just Pain and Panic with his hand under the table pumping his leaky throbbing cock because of you flickers through your brain and makes you squeeze the toy inside you. "Hades! Hades! I- I c- I need- Please please, right there right there! I need y- ahhh," You want to reach down and touch yourself desperately, help yourself selfishly to an explosive climax around this perfect hard toy, but you behave yourself. You bite your lip and fight the urge, wanting to please him. "Faster please!! F- Faster, harder, in m- Ahh!"

Letting out a frustrated, orgasm-mad whine as the toy just continues to drive continuously into you at a moderate pace, only stimulating you enough to make you crazy with want, you decide to play with him some. Stretching slowly, you lean up to graze your lips against the heated skin of his neck. Then your tongue (The tip, then the full flatness, and then you give gentle suck~ Reminding him what you could be doing to him down there. Torturing him as bad as he's tortured you), and as your hands glide down his warm clothed chest, Hades grunts; frustrated himself as your mischievous fingers near his actual cock. "Babe, you know you're playing with fire he- "

Even through his toga, you can feel his length burning up and painfully hard. Gently stroking it, your relax down from his neck as you just weakly take the pounding in your core; delicately playing with his cock meanwhile. Sliding your hand up and down the hidden body part, which may be even thicker then the toy actually, making him twitch.

You almost lose yourself in this, the slow, torturous pleasure and the feeling of Hades' cock under your fingers. After a few moments of this, you notice the fake one shoving into you rougher, making the pressure inside you start to build up slowly so you look up at him; Eyes widening at the look on his face immediately.

With a pent-up frustrated frown at you, Hades starts to ram the damn thing into your hot, puffy walls; ripping you apart and abusing your little clit without a seconds notice. The fire on top of his head flashes orange and you know you did it. "Fine Y/N- you wanna act like a whore, okay. Trust me, I can treat you like a bitch if you want to be."

Your orgasm builds faster then before, the thick curved thing pounding into your pussy again and again at a filthy inhuman speed, fucking you hard and so rough your mouth hangs open obscenely as you press your forehead once again into Hades shoulder- hard. The heel of his hand brushes your skin every time he thrusts the toy inside your meaty walls and its a little detail that reminds you its him. Its not a soulless fucking machine. Its him. You stretch your thighs open wider to increase the feeling, unable to do much other then that but take the fucking- its just how you wanted, its better, its yanking your climax out of you desperately and selfishly.

When you're so so close, Hades makes you stretch your head backwards on your neck and kisses you again; making you gag on his long inhuman tongue for working him up like you did. You let out a strangled moan, shocked that it feels good having your ability to breath stolen from you in such a vulgar way, and stretch upwards towards him, trailing your tongue languidly against his in responce.

When he finally forces an orgasm out of you you're left twitching and shaking against Hades' chest.

"Thereee you go, that was my personal pornstar. Could use some work learning not to ever, mess with me- but for a first go I think that was pretty great. Full marks." Hades chuckles, nudging your chin upwards again - gentle this time, - to look at him. Theirs that devious smirk and those mischievous yellow eyes, looking at you like you're a tasty treat. "Now how about a smile? Maybe a 'thanks. lord of the dead, I feel fucking amazing'?"

With a tired sigh and a spent grin that turns slightly cheeky, you nod okay. "Thank you, oh lord. You did pretty good, too."

Hades' face looks thoroughly unamused at your smartass responce but in the moment with your pussy still throbbing you think its the cutest expression, ever. Then he releases your face and shrugs, an indifferent look on his face now. "Eh, well, I guess you don't want the bath I was gonna draw for ya-- fit for a god, with uh, you know, ambrosia, and stuff. Oh well, see ya next time toots- "

Oh that sounds good, damn. You look after him with sad wide eyes and frown, softly. "... a bath?" Your sweet, tired, fucked-out voice draws him right back in and his voice is gentle on his next words.

"Its in progress, sweetheart."

With that and a happy hum from you, Hades seals his lips to yours for another long, languid kiss while the bath is drawn for you.

[samgelina-jolie]

That one scene in HIMYM where Marshall makes a bet with Barney that he can get Lily's number bc Barney doesn't know they're already together but Steddie.

Eddie's bandmates are joking around after a show about how Eddie never pulls after any of their gigs and Eddie is pretending to be offended when someone catches his eye. Steve is sitting at the bar, and Eddie immediately comes up with a plan.

He points Steve out and says "What about if i tried hitting on him? Think he'd go for me?". Ofc the bandmates all recognise him as King Steve and theyre like "not a chance." So Eddie makes a bet that he could totally get Steve to agree to go out with him. He walks up to him and the bandmates watch, expressions quickly changing from smug to shocked, when after only like 1 minute of conversation Steve pulls him in for a kiss.

A month later Eddie admits what actually happened and that they've been dating for like a year. Gareth is still annoyed about how convinced he was that Eddie was actually some kind of sex God.

[siennafrxst]

🍂 ₊ ⊹ ~ fate (sequel)

pairing: barney stinson x female reader

universe: how I met your mother (HIMYM)

word count: 0.7k words

a/n: this sequel is set in season 5, which is 10 years after the prequel (yes it’s been that long).

dt @sunflowermyheart ����🏼

if you haven’t read the prequel, click here to view it.

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Ding dong.

The five friends turn to face the sudden disturbance, all with perplexed expressions written across their faces.

“Did someone order pizza?” Ted questions.

Everyone shakes their head as Ted frowns, his eyebrows creasing in befuddlement. After much hesitation, he stands up from the couch and unlocks the door. That was when the mystery person had revealed their presence, causing Ted’s eyes to widen at the sight of someone he thought he’d never see.

“Y/N?” He lets out a light chuckle, a smile forming on his face.

“Hey, Ted.”

———

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I was in the city, and I thought, ‘hey, why not go visit my brother?’ I mean, how long has it been since we’ve seen each other in person?”

He nods, the smile on his face only growing in size as they both savoured this moment of reuniting after not having seeing each other for a few, very tiring years.

Ted turns around to spot several pairs of extremely confused eyes glaring upon the two as he snaps himself back to reality.

“Uh, right! Guys, this is Y/N, my sister. Y/N, this is Marshall and Lily — who I’m sure you remember.”

She officially steps into the room to approach the couple as they stand up from the couch with huge grins on their faces.

“Y/N, it’s great to see you again! I haven’t seen you since, like, college,” Marshall says as he wraps her in a hug, Lily following after.

“Yeah, it’s been way too long. Congratulations on the baby, by the way!” She greets as she hugs them back before promptly breaking it.

“Thank you. You know, if you’re sticking around, maybe you can get a chance to meet him?” Lily asks.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The three smile at one another once more before Ted gestures towards Robin.

“Robin, this is my sister Y/N. Y/N, this is-“

“-Robin Scherbatsky! It’s nice to finally meet you,” Y/N greets as she reaches for Robin’s hand.

Robin simply smiles before shaking hers in return. “Yeah, you too.”

“And this is Bar… where’s Barney?”

Everyone scans around the room, searching for their missing friend.

“Well, while you guys look for your mystery friend, uh, could I use your bathroom? The cab ride here lasted longer than I expected.”

Ted nods. “Yeah, ‘course. The bathroom’s just that way.” He points to a door in the near distance.

“Thanks.”

Y/N rushes her way to the direction where Ted pointed towards, spotting the door and reaching for the handle, only for it to be opened by someone else on the other side.

“Ted, you’re toilet’s clogged agai-“

That was when Y/N’s eyes trailed to connect with Barney’s, a sudden moment of déjà vu hit them both where it hurt the most.

Her face instantly drops in realization, everything surrounding them seeming to fade into view, blurring itself out of the picture. Her eyes fixated on the man, who was glaring back at her dumbfounded expressions. “Y/N, you’re…”

Ted eyes the two suspisciously, already able to tell that a secret was silently being shared between his sister and his (second) best friend.

That was when Y/N subtly shakes her head, going unnoticed by everyone else in the room except for the man in front of her.

“…just as gorgeous as I pictured in my head! I knew Ted had a hot sister,” he exclaims in a cheery tone, earning an eye roll from Ted.

“And that’s why, you don’t just come uninvited to my apartment, because sometimes, I got a creepy guy lounging around.”

Y/N frowns at Ted. “Oh, I’m sorry for wanting to come visit my brother every now and then. Especially when the last text he’s sent me was ‘sorry I forgot your gift for Christmas.’”

“That’s my way of saying that I love you very very much.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. I’ll be right back.”

Barney and Y/N’s eyes linger on one another for a seemingly forever-lasting moment before he steps out of the way, letting her walk past him and close the door behind them.

As Barney walks over to sit back on the couch, Ted approaches him, his steps suddenly deafening and cold.

“Hey, you better not be trying any moves on my sister or I swear to God I will individually rip every single suit you’ve ever owned.”

Barney rolls his eyes at Ted’s feeble attempt to make a believeable threat. “I won’t.”

Barney turns to face the bathroom door, holding in a heavy sigh from escaping his lips as his stare lingers into the room. “I promise.”

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A/N: that “I promise” is a callback to when they both promsied that the next time they’d see each other, they’d kiss.

likes and reblogs are vv appreciated.

[the-badger-mole]

ask 7,11,25

Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Not really. Me losing interest in something is rarely that visceral. I just simply stop thinking about it. It's not hatred. It's nothing at all.

Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I answered that for ATLA already, so I'll pick another character. Lily Aldrin from HIMYM. Specifically in season 1. She handled the thing with Marshall badly, yes, but she was going through something a lot of us should be able to relate to. She was about to make a huge life-changing decision, and she hadn't achieved what she hoped she would. She hadn't even had the chance to be an adult without Marshall. She freaked out, and I think she deserves more grace than she gets behind that.

How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

I have gone on and on (and on, and on, and on and on, and...Alexa, play Longpigs) about how I would change ATLA. So let me tell you how I'd change HIMYM. Tracy doesn't die. Ted is telling his kids the story of how he met their mother because he feels guilty. Tracy left him because he never got over Robin, and after his divorce, Ted and Robin tried dating again, only to run headlong into the same fundamental issues their relationship had always had. Ted doesn't want to follow Robin for her job because despite the fact that his kids are nearly grown, he wants to be around for them as they head off to college and then to start their own families. Robin isn't ready to give up her career travelling and reporting the news to settle down in one spot. After a year of dating, and pretending that they can work even with their inability to compromise on these things (with Ted being especially desperate to make this work because he blew his entire family up to be with Robin), they finally, finally call time-of-death on their relationship. Now Ted wants another chance with Tracy, and he's telling his kids the story of his life to somehow convince them to help him win their mother back. It ends with his kids telling him they love him, but their mother deserves better and he needs to move on and let her live her life. The show closes on a flashback of Ted seeing Tracy for the first time at the train station, and reflecting that he wishes he could go back to that day and warn himself to love Tracy the way she deserved to be loved.

[crescentcampbell]

The most romantic moment in HIMYM isn’t even in the Ted/Robin/Barney love triangle mess. It’s when Lily and Marshall get married and they’re starving so they stop at a burger place to get food and Lily throws up because the only thing she’s had is champagne because she was drinking it to eat strawberries because everyone kept on keeping them from the food at the wedding. And the guy taking their order says that his wife threw up in the garbage, and Marshall, instead of being disgusted, just looks so happy to hear someone say that Lily is his wife. Fight me on this. 

[all-pacas]

So in my semi-secret HIMYM rewatch — I've been watching on weekends with a friend — we just hit 'The Rough Patch," ie, the first Barney and Robin breakup.

And first of all: S5 absolutely is weird and my conspiracy theory about it being when the finale was written 100% holds, it all makes so much sense.

But second: it is a really bad episode. Not because of any shipping reason. It's just… a mess. Unfunny. Even scenes that ought to be funny, like Lily, Ted, and Marshall in the car, somehow don't work. The B/R breakup is also bad, as it has nothing to do with any episodes before or after. It really feels like the writers went "oh, time to break them up!" and just… did it. It's hard to explain if you haven't watched (which I'm assuming most folks on my dash have not). This couple has a season of lead up to them dating, with their relationship being the main plot of the 4th season. They spend the first few episodes of season 5 dating, and while they don't particularly give off vibes of being madly in love so much as super horny, they seem happy enough to be horny together. And then all at once there's fat suits involved, and they're miserable together, and they break up because "two awesomes cancel eachother out." The episode practically lampshades it: they're so similar, they seem perfect for one another. Buuuut time to break up.

So, if I was to rewrite that episode — with the goal of them breaking up in the end — here is what I would do:

At the end of the previous episode, Barney and Robin are fighting. They break up then, in a messy and impulsive way. "I guess we should just break up then!" "Fine!" "Fine!"

At the start of Rough Patch, narrator Ted explains it's been a couple of weeks. And… Barney and Robin are avoiding one another. More than that, they are practically running from the room when the other is present, loudly declaring they are FINE, dragging the gang in, making everyone pick sides. The others are all worried and, just as importantly, super annoyed. Ted and Marshall think that the two probably love one another and just need to talk it out; Lily points out that Barney and Robin are the most stubborn and petty people on the planet, and that's not easy. But she agrees it's necessary.

Most of the episode is the trio trying to scheme to get Barney and Robin together. There's surprise parties, Robin is brought to GNB on flimsy pretexts, the gang tries to arrange a meet up at laser tag — somehow, impossibly, Barney and Robin simply always escape or avoid getting caught. Lily finally comes up with an elaborate and foolproof scheme to get them in a room together… they are locked in a room together… and when Lily peeks in on them… they're gone!

The next day at the bar, Lily, Marshall, and Ted have given up. They mourn the end of the Gang, and discuss custody arrangements. Lily says this is all Ted's fault for blurring the "dating in the friend group" line to start with. Barney and Robin walk in together. Marshall is excited: did they talk it out? And then bang it out? No, Robin says, we really did break up.

Cut to: Barney and Robin, a few days ago. They realize almost right away what the gang is doing, and this annoys them enough that they work together to avoid being forced into a room together. We see them exchanging texts and phone calls warning one another, etc.

When Lily gets them in a room together, they escape out the window and end up on the roof. They start giggling and congratulating one another on their cleverness before sobering. Robin admits that she's missed this. Having stupid fun with Barney. Barney nods. They were really good friends, weren't they? It sucks that they broke up and have to be enemies now.

After a moment of silence, Robin says, maybe they can still be friends. Go back to being friends, like they were. Even though they broke up in a stupid fight, at the time she hated him. (Barney interjects: he thought she was a huuuuge bitch). But this scheming has been fun.

They agree they're much better as friends, and it's worth breaking up in order to save their overall relationship. They have a nice hug.

Back in the bar, they explain they really did break up, and it's for the best, since it means they can now go back to being friends and totally awesome. They both seem okay with it. As the episode ends, Robin has to go to work, and Barney checks out some girl at the bar.

[kiefbowl]

Not the same anon but re : HIMYM. My god. My god I could write a book on the horrid misogyny in this goddamn show. The waving away that Barney is a fucking rapist (rape by deception). The fact that lily went from aspiring artist to breeding housewife to marshal, who of course got to fulfill all of his dreams as a judge while she stays at home, unfulfilled. Ted who is the most boring mediocre man of all time yet expects his perfect little wife to be perfect in every way.

I could BARF anytime I think back on this show

It's actually fascinating to me re: Marshall/Lily that the writers seemed to lose interest in their drama and conflicts. I think one of the big reasons HIMYM was lauded in the first season and really gave it an oomph in the second was the fact that Lily leaves Marshall! It not something typically done in a sitcom, it was very compelling writing and it paralleled nicely with Ted/Robin's story (not only because they got together, but because we the audience know that Marshall and Lily are quote unquote soulmates, and Ted and Robin are not...at least at the time of writing it).

The story role of Marshall/Lily and Barney switch places at some point. The pathos of Barney's character truly doesn't matter in the first two and a half seasons. He's comic relief, he's player C for the B-plot. Very normal in a sitcom, you have five main players so you can pair two characters in the A plot (or the B plot sometimes), and the other 3 characters are doing the B-plot (or sometimes the A plot). One of the five tends to be, you know, the goof guy. He's not integral to the main over arching story, he comes in to be an imp and cause mischief and be a catalyst for some mayhem. Barney is clearly specifically written in that archetype from the very beginning. Now as sitcoms go on, these "fifth guys" do tend to have their role expanded and we will get more insight into the drama of their lives. They rarely get to be "promoted" as Barney did, even if they are a huge break-out character, like Barney was. Sometime the "fifth guy" is so break-out they become the main character, but that tends to make the sitcom very zany!! We're going to sea world! We're going to SPPPAAACE!!! etc. Barney wasn't made the lead, but his story was promoted. Marshall and Lily's dramas were then demoted.

This was a mistake, because Marshall and Lily were given a lot of story lines that weren't appropriate for Ted but fit into the theme of the show (the theme being "how are you still growing up in your 30s in the 2000s"). When should we have a family, what are our careers going to be, what have we lost by being each other's "only ones", did we choose New York, debt...these were interesting story beats for a sitcom.

I also have a conspiracy the writers were secretly torturing Jason Segel. They didn't actually care about Ted and Robin, they just wanted to make PG Saw Traps for Jason Segel. At some point the writers said "fuck our original vision, I personally want to make Jason Segel suffer." In season 8 they made him break the fourth wall (a thing they only did ONCE before to great effect) like six times already!!!! They want to kill that man!!! They wanted Jason Segel to die!!! They made Jason Segel show up to set at gun point and then gave him a doo doo garbage script on purpose!!!

Joking aside, yes it's atrocious they didn't use Marvin (the baby) as a jumping off point for Lily's career story. We had to spend time farting around about Barney getting a dog wing man (painfully unfunny) instead of spending some time with Lily's anxieties again (it's been well established and set up!!) that becoming a mother has put her that further out of reach of her art career. Again, haven't finished, but I don't think they really go back to this story beat.

only theory that makes sense is that they wanted Jason Segel to jump off a cliff and tried their hardest by making the most dookie hot garbage scripts they could think of.