#lol a revival the day before my exam

[moriiyun]

mvs i like 1/?

xiumin ─ brand new (2022)

[kosmic-arts]

An Unhinged KH Rant That I Needed To Get Out of My Brain

here i am, once again, tortured by hypotheticals like- "what if kingdom hearts didn't suck?" and, "if i could rewrite kh, how and what would i cut or add?"

honestly,, my ideal kingdom hearts timeline is kh1, com, kh2, and days. that's literally it. games extending backwards or forwards from the end of kh2 (bbs & ddd kh3 unioncrossfuckinghell) really sapped the life from the series imo. in a better world, square and disney would've put kingdom hearts to rest by 2, and we would've all grown up and moved on with happy memories :))))

lol. but is it possible to extend the story of kh without draining it of all the magic, mystery, and charm established since kh1? by now i think we can all agree that here at the tailend of the timeline (kh3), this game has reduced itself to a fake deep shitpost soulless disney ad. :) -so, how could it be done anyway? ultimately, bbs would have to exist. you would need something to expand on the story's lore, and the lore of the keyblade and it's wielders is a prime target. i love and hate bbs; but i do think it really takes away from the charm of the keyblade itself and the mystery surrounding it. explains too much, if you will. lets not get into how the wayfinder trio spends their entire time talking about how much they gotta train and how their entire lives revolve around training and how wooden and stiff a vast majority of their interactions are eraqus dont even get me started he is so boring do not talk to me about the shitty gacha paytowin mobile game god help me also their shitty mark of mastery exam is with the fucking flying balls its so lame are you telling me this is what keyblade masters are capable of; what fucking happened to lingering will in kh2fm??? why cant we do any of that shit in bbs? wheres the fuckin keyblade transformations and capes in that game-

ok. bbs would have to exist… but it should've revived kh1's way of integrating disney plots into the main story. ALL the games shouldve revived that trick post kh2. whats the point of disney being a major half of these games if you dont use them. like- ven goes to fucking cinderella world and meets cinderella (NOT AS A RAT), and ven is sad and lost an looking for his friends and cinderella convinces her stepmother to hire ven as a stableboy or a peasent servant or some shit. something to get a roof over his head. ventus learns from cinderella about her dreams and it gets him thinking about what he wants out of life… maybe he wants to see his friends succeed and become masters but thats mainly just a pretty excuse hes been using to mask his true feelings. truthfully hes scared of getting left behind. maybe he discovers that he feels inadequate in comparison to his friends, and fears for the inevitable future where they leave home to lead their own lives/search for their own apprentices. fuck idk. 1 talk with cinderella could unlock all of that. easy. imagine writing. what a concept.

WHAT im saying is. disney shouldn't exist in kh just to be an ad. the reason why sora in kh1 came to the conclusion that MY FRIENDS ARE MY POWER, is because of the lessons he learned in each of the disney worlds up until his confrontation with riku. he literally explains his entire reasoning before he says the line- the disney plots mattered to sora's character development! by the end of the game, he became so much more wisened and was capable of butting heads with ansem who had studied all the esoteric makings of the universe and thought he knew where life began and eneded: darkness lol. but sora had come to a different conclusion: kingdom hearts is light!!! lmao!! it was an asspull, but shit. i could follow the line of logic well enough and it was cool and dramatic without insulting my intelligence.

what am i talking about? disney? i think the timeline extending backwards as far as bbs is serviceable, but nothing in this world will convince me otherwise from the belief that unioncross is hot garbage and needlessly complicates the plot to an insane degree. its literally star wars prequel movies but even shittier, but this time, theres a casino for the little kids!!! yay!! :))

aanyway. what about ddd..? the resurrection of org 13 needs to not fucking happen. and if it does, only like, 4 of the 13 and half of them arent even enemies. i dont want to kill guys i already slaughtered 2 games ago. theyre not threatening anymore GOD. what if kingdom hearts established new villians starting from ddd that would lead into kh3 being a whole new story? pretty epic right? it would be just like how com introduced the org13 the first time after ansem was beaten to lead into kh2! woww! but, like, who would this hypothetical new ddd-introduced villian be? we all know the kh team cant design characters for shit who aren't walking talking black coats. MoM? lol? i like the guy, but hes an overpowered omnipotent all knowing god that is too strong to feasibly be beaten by anyone without a humongeous ass pull deus ex machina to solve the problem. like c'mon, dont act surprised when sora inevitably walks up to him, goes- "light light friendship heart. the future can be changed!" and then MoM is like, "ah fuck i guess you're right. i suppose i, the master of masters, the most powerful keyblade wielder ever, maybe even the progenitor and also seer of all time and existance who knows everything you're going to do before you're going to do it-- knows less than you. i was wrong all along. guess ill die!". don't act like it wont happen like that :))). you really think the kh writers are competent enough to handle a character as difficult to manage as MoM? he's a cool guy, but they fucked up trapping him in this garbage game.

lmao. but anyway, who knows who this hypothetical new ddd villian would be. but it would have to be some other dumbfuck obsessed with the (((power of kingdom hearts))). thats the name of the game after all. so really, what im actually saying is- kh3 shouldve been a whole new storyline with new villians and plot, rather than dredging up closed plotlines from the previous games. we shouldnt have to be waiting till mf kh4 just for a new story. im not playing that game btw. not unless square figures out how to make a game fun to play like its literal 20 yr old predecessors of kh1&2, while also not selling me the fixes to the game in a 40$ dlc. fuck you. REMIND me not to ever play this shitty game ever again.

ok. i think im ok… i got everything out my system. bbs shouldn't have been garbage where you cant even be like lingering will by the end of the game. also disney worlds need to serve a purpose in kh beyond serving merely as ads… ddd shouldve introduced a new villian for a new plotline continued in kh3, rather than retconning and resurrecting everything from the previous games… and MoM is a cool guy trapped in a shit game that will inevitably get botched. yup.

ok i feel better now.

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

POKEMON SCARLET DIARY #4

these past days i've been massively stressing over a uni assignment so i couldn't do one of these posts. thankfully i didn't play as much so it just looks like a whole day worth of playing in the end lol

i started when i left off, on my way to find kofu on porto marinada and do his gym challenge, which was the most creative i've ever seen in a pokemon game, it was fun!

after completing it i was like... why don't i defeat the titan pokemon in the desert on my way to the gym? i was really underleveled, and barely made it through the first phase of paleo-donphan's battle

and then i got cocky... hubris took me and i attempted the second battle right after that. of course i blacked out lol

ALSO, while i was training for the gym in the desert, i left the game on while on a picnic cause my mum had brought home some cocido my grandma made and i had to help her prepare it for lunch later that day, and when i came back i had an egg!!!!!!!

anyways, i finally got my pokemon ready for kofu, but nemona insisted on battling me first lol

well, after that, it was time for kofu!!! it was honestly a rough fight, i was still a bit underleveled and i had to use revives a bit, but i managed to defeat him!!!!

i would die for kofu btw

anyways after the gym i officially got to meet geeta and i gotta give it up for whoever designed her cause she has such an aura of power; she terrifies me even tho she was very nice to me, she definitely feels like a champion

my egg was born!! it was a rockruff that i immediately wonder traded for a lechonk :)

anyways i finally defeated the titan!!!!!!! and had some bocadillos with arven and his doggo :)

back to the academy i could do like A MILLION new classes and got very excited about it and also i did my first exam!

before my next gym i got to meet probably the most gender character in any pokémon game (i hate the fact that she's called caye in spanish tho)

anyways after that i got to experience the most bizarre pokémon gym ever, with a live streaming of the gym challenge and like 1000 twitter quotes per minute

anyways.... here's my team for the gym battle, it was very easy as i was overlevelled and my tauros had bulldoze (also until this battle i didn't realize it is a fighting type, before i thought it was dark type </3)

and that's basically it, i defeated iono and decided to call it a day :)

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[blush-and-books]

i'm about to pass out but needed to write this - JATP + school headcanons

*disclaimer: I am only evaluating their attitudes and performance in what are considered "core" classes in my state. Idk if it is universal. These are also generalizations -- ik theres different types of math and science that they are taking

LUKE

He inspired this so we start with the king

ENGLISH CLASS: He excelled. Somehow, unknowingly, became his teacher's favorite. Did the homework for this class and ONLY this class. A+

MATH CLASS: B-/C+. Does not like math, hates it actually, never did the homework. Somehow averaged a B+/A- on tests and quizzes because he would have Reggie tutor him days before in preparation. Teacher always shocked at how he managed.

HISTORY CLASS: Did not do the homework, but still, like, paid attention?? Had it with all the guys so there were funny moments and events to associate with each lesson and lecture and somehow he remembered it. Again, did not do the homework. Maybe if he was super bored. C+/B-

SCIENCE CLASS: Skipped it most of the time. Would show up for labs and experiments even if he had no clue what was going on. Bobby tried to help but Luke was so uninterested lol, and the teacher was v boring!!! Not fun. D+

LANGUAGE: Took Spanish because its what everyone did??? He thought it would be the most useful but it ended up being such a mistake. He thought that English was complicated, but shit!!! Hard :(( Julie tried to revive his education but fails often (but hes really faking it bc he just wants to keep hearing her speak Spanish and try to teach him). D+/C-

JULIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Aces all of her essays. Emotionally attached to all of her female English teachers!! Sometimes her interpretations of the books are a little off but literally everyone's are. Loves English. A-/A

MATH CLASS: Gifted kid syndrome but only with math if that makes sense?? Got super ahead in elementary and middle school but now that shes in high school she barely knows what's going on and is running out of math classes to take because she was able to jump so much from middle to high school. Has to study the most for this one. Thank god for Reggie. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Could take it or leave it! Likes the subject but hates the teacher. Does well on tests to spite them. Doodles too much on her homework and it annoys the teacher v much. A-

SCIENCE CLASS: kinds vibes ngl??? Something kinds cool about it. Has Flynn in the class, a fun young science teacher, and they all just have a really good time. Julie never really liked science but with the right people and environment shes flourishing!!! A

LANGUAGE: Did not have to take one -- took a fluency exam in Spanish her freshman year. Has minor superiority complex every time Flynn complains about not knowing her language.

REGGIE

ENGLISH CLASS: Got distracted hella easily... Not very fun :( teacher didn't understand that he had ADHD and learned things in a different way. Luke tried to help him cheat on tests tho so he didnt have to repeat the class. D+/C-

MATH CLASS: GENIUS!?!?!?!? GENIUS. Literally took two math classes one year bc he could. Somehow it all made sense. Really loved how numbers were consistent and clearly right or wrong; not subjective. Teachers loved him because he was always kind and positive and brought a smile to everyones face. A+++

HISTORY CLASS: Did not suck at it??? Kinda cool stuff and fun times with his besties. Did better in the class than any of them. Teacher was a total prick tho and Reggie was also late because it was their period right after lunch and he was a slow eater and the teacher didnt allow food. Again: teacher was a prick. B+

SCIENCE CLASS: Enjoyed the labs and experiments, usually aced those because he has exceptional attention to detail. Everything else, not so much. Certain concepts were just very hard to grasp and he had a hard time creating ways to remember things. C+

LANGUAGE: He took French because he knew his mom took French when she was in high school and he thought she could help him and they could bond. That plan didn't really work out -- but he still did okay, even if his mom didn't pay attention. B-

ALEX

ENGLISH CLASS: In between Luke and Reggie -- read the books and retained most of the information, but the essays were not it. He really liked class discussions even though the teacher would tell him his interpretations were wrong (how do you interpret something incorrectly?? Art is up for interpretation?? He will never quite understand). B+/B-

MATH CLASS: Kill him. Least favorite class. Hates math and has hated math since his first lesson on fractions broke his spirit in third grade. Reggie helped him through most of it but shit really did not click. Did his best because his parents would be mad if he didn't. C-/C+

HISTORY CLASS: Very into history for some unknown reason??? The TA in the class was hot so he made sure to pay attention and make a good impression. He was often apologizing for the behavior of his bandmates. A+

SCIENCE CLASS: Did not hate it!!! Had the fun young new teacher instead of the same old dude that had been there for 20 years. She was really fun and sweet (and totally got the vibe he was gay and was super supportive)!!! He didnt quite understand everything but still worked his ass off. B+

LANGUAGE: French with Reggie because he thought it was a more romantic language. Quickly realized his mistake and switched to Spanish the next year. Realized his mistake again (the mistake being that he would be good at learning a new language) and stopped trying lol. C+

FLYNN

ENGLISH CLASS: Her essays are well written because Julie edits all of them. Like Alex, is always told that she is reading the text wrong?? The two of them bond mega over that. Just because she has a wider imagination does not mean she should be punished for it!!! B+

MATH CLASS: Geometry is her jam but algebra makes her wanna commit every degree of murder. Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it definitely does not. Probably dont ask her for help because shes awful at explaining things. B-

HISTORY CLASS: Hates it here!!!!!!!! She hates the curriculum, hates the lecturing, and constantly either feels bored or singled out in every lesson. Is advocating in the district for textbook and curriculum reform to include diverse and pan-ethnic studies. C-

SCIENCE CLASS: Her favorite class!!!!!! Loves everything about it. She isnt learning how the world works through history but instead through the facts of science. She feels invincible in the lab and like she has so much more to discover. She particularly enjoys astronomy. A+

LANGUAGE: Spanish so that Julie could help her out!!! Can barely utter more than 2 sentences in conversation but is perfect on paper and that's more than half of the battle. A-

[edgydepressedchoicesthot]

Act of Courage (Noah/MC, Lucas/MC)

Summary: It shouldn’t feel like this, after all this time. We won, didn’t we?

No, Josh realized. We didn’t.

In which a survivor contemplates what was, what is, and what could have been.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24061654

@ladyseaheart1668, @marmolady, @it-lives-in-westchester

A/N: Between work, college, and my f*cked up head, finishing this up took a lot longer than it should have. I'm trying to make writing into my coping mechanism, so that I'll do it more, lol ;D

I have one more fic I promised on tumblr, an AME one I'm gonna work on. I'm also gonna try to go back to my ES novelization, so stay tuned for that for its continuation.

————————

The two of them were at Josh’s place, waiting for Ava, Andy, Dan, and Lucas. Lily was sick in bed and Stacy was visiting her grandma out of town, leaving Noah and Josh waiting for the four others while they drew figures in the dirt in the yard with sticks and talking about anything their minds jumped to.

“Hey, Noah?”

The boy turned towards his friend.

“Yeah?”

For a moment, Josh, who was as lively as ever seconds ago, was being uncharacteristically quiet.

“Do you…like anyone?”

“‘Like’,” Noah repeated. “Like I like you and Jane and the others? Or you mean like-like?”

“Um, yeah” Josh nodded, blushing. “Like-like.”

“Then no,” the other boy shrugged. “Stacy, Lily, and Ava are fun to hang around, but I don’t like-like anyone.”

“What about,” Josh began hurriedly, but slowed down. “What about boys…?”

“Huh?”

“Do you like-like any boys?”

Josh was beet red. Noah was just confused.

“No,” he shrugged. “I’m a boy. It’d be weird if I liked-liked a boy. That’s what my mom says though.”

“Right…” Josh looked hurt. “Right, forget it.”

Noah wanted to ask why his friend looked so sad.

He hated it when Josh got upset. Unlike Jane, who’d get mad, Josh would be quiet, pouty, and would go off by himself, refusing to ever acknowledge what made him upset in the first place.

But before Noah can say anything, the doorbell rang and their friends poured inside.

Noah forgot that Josh even asked him any question about who he liked.

It was something they’d both forget in the years to come, a memory of the conversation fading into a small feeling.

————————

After reading Lucas’s texts, Josh shoved his phone into his pocket. His smile started to fade as he continued down the road, focusing on his surroundings.

It really is a beautiful day, Josh mused.

And he hated it.

The sun shone through the trees in a way that reminded him of an image you’d find on a tourist pamphlet.

It made Josh think about how the only thing this town is good for is being fake.

Like how the town somehow fooled themselves into thinking everything was just a freak animal attack.

But the more he thought about it, Josh guessed he couldn’t blame the town for that. Having to deal with the truth might actually be more of a clusterfuck than it all happening.

It was all a question of why.

Why did this all happen to them? Why was he the one who had to find Redfield’s shack?

All he had to do was keep his goddamn mouth shut about some stupid fucking rock floating all those years ago…

It’s my fault.

Josh scoffed.

Like that’s big news.

And when it was time to pay the piper, Josh was too much of a coward to do anything…

Shoving his hands into his pockets, Josh forced himself to think about something, anything else.

His mind wandered from the date Lucas promised they’d have before he went back to his university, to that new video game Lily’s been raving about, Stacy’s latest Pictagram post about celebrating another perfect score on an exam, Ava’s latest binge on occult books in the library, Andy whining about how he just wants to be free of high school already, Dan’s updates on his new art blog…

…Noah crying, apologizing…

Josh wiped tears from his eyes as he kept walking.

————————

Noah always envied Josh.

He was a charismatic go-getter where Noah was shy and bookish. Josh always got stickers that came with having a perfect score on spelling tests, ones that Noah just passed by never more than five points. Josh was brave enough to make the first move in befriending him and Jane, and began their circle of friends the same way.

Noah not only hated how he was too wimpy to ever say any of this out loud, but also that he held this kind of resentment towards one of the best friends he’s ever had.

Noah hated how nervous he feels around Josh too. How he can’t help but constantly compare himself to him.

Josh was like the sun; radiant and bright and impossible to miss, and Noah had felt like the grimy earth beneath it.

But everything changed after Jane died.

Their whole group of friends changed. They started to see each other less and less, and eventually, they never saw each other outside of school.

Having different classes in middle school widened the gap between them, leaving silent nods as the last bit of interaction they had.

Soon, even those were gone.

Even after they all fell apart, Noah couldn’t help but notice Josh.

Before, Noah had always seen Josh happily chatting with at least one person.

Now, Noah never saw him hang out with anyone ever again. He was like the dusty remains of a star that went out.

There were times Noah wanted to reach out, to see if they could be friends again, to hang out, laugh together, be together-

-and Noah would stop himself when he came short of any reason Josh would want to talk to him.

————————

“You look like shit.”

“Hello to you too, Ava.”

Josh was semi-thankful that his shift at one of the town’s few fast food places started early in the morning. Only a handful of people stepped in here for breakfast, and none of them were impossible to deal with. So, for a few hours, Josh could enjoy a bit of peace before the lunch rush.

And it was always good to see a friendly face.

“Alright, fuck the pleasantries then.”

Usually.

Ava stretched her hand at Josh and waved it dramatically.

“In the name of the Dread Goddess Hekate, get me my usual.”

Josh punched in the register an order for an apple pie and a milkshake.

“That’ll be $2.78.”

Wordlessly, Ava hands him money and Josh went in the back to get her order.

“Talked to Tom today,” Ava said. “He looked really interested in the stuff I found in Cora’s shack. Maybe he can be my apprentice or some shit.”

“A witch’s apprentice?”

“Turned him down. Teaching is a rock bottom I’ll never hit.”

“Cuz the teacher’s at school we sooo great.”

“You get it.”

Josh finished up, pie in a paper bag and milk in hand.

“So, you talk to people,” she asked before he held out her order. “You’re social like that. Everyone’s gonna be at the memorial tonight, right?”

“Yup,” Josh nodded. “All seven of-”

Josh stops himself, remembering what happened to the seventh.

Ava’s face went steely, and for a moment it looked like she had a lot to say.

“Hand me my order,” she sighed. Josh obliged.

Before Ava walked out, she stopped and did a half turn. Josh sees several shifts to and from anger and sympathy.

“Tale care,” she said before leaving.

————————

Noah couldn’t remember the last time he and Josh talked.

So, when Josh sat next to him at the pep rally, he hoped his quietness came off as indifference, and hid his anxiety about the whole situation.

Josh didn’t seem to mind, since he started talking semi-comfortably. He was mellower and less gloomy than he used to be, and Noah felt the familiar jealously that was always the third companion amongst the two.

The pep rally ended after the blackout, Josh called everyone to meet after school, and four of them were stocking up on makeshift weapons.

When Josh told Noah that he won’t leave him again, he let himself believe it.

Noah halfheartedly thanked Josh, and for a second was afraid his sort-of-friend would take offense.

But instead, Josh smiled at him, and Noah felt like he was looking at sunshine.

A warm feeling bloomed in Noah’s chest, and it stuck around even when they were done talking and gone back to looking for weapons.

Noah remembered the warm feeling later on, when he noticed how Josh’s face was red when he was close enough to Lucas, how he stammered a bit more when the two were talking.

Noah wasn’t as dumb as he was as a kid. He knew that Josh liked Lucas. He also didn’t want to believe he was feeling jealousy, because of what it implied.

It wasn’t until during Britney’s party that Noah started to ask himself where these feelings for Josh came from. Was it sometime after everyone drifted apart, and their absence leaving an ache in his heart? Or was it before, when they were younger, innocent, and still friends?

After the party and after Josh revived his hope for the future (something he’d been doing well the past few days), his own personal devil reared its shadowy head, and signaled the end.

In the near future, while they were all forced to play the game again, Noah would wonder if anything could have happened to keep this whole mess from happening.

If he just told Redfield to fuck off, or just ignored him (no, her).

————————

“In school,” Andy said with a mouth full of pizza. “You froze up every time you had to present something. And up there, you didn’t break a sweat.”

Josh was taken by surprise when Stacy’s mom called him up to say a few words (he didn’t even think the town’s mayor even remembered his name). Surprisingly, where there was usually quick breath and sweating, there was just emptiness.

His mind flashed to Cora when he was up, about how she risked her life to help them and went to warn them while she was injured and dying.

And then it went to Noah.

He kept his part about Noah as brief as possible, and stepped down the second he gave his last “thank you”.

Josh would like to say that Lucas’s hug and quick kiss after the memorial made him feel better, but after talking about Noah, he couldn’t shake the feeling like he was betraying him.

“I get a lot of speech practice when dealing with customers from hell,” Josh finally answered, shrugging.

“You mean Ava?” Andy snarked.

“Andy, don’t be mean,” Lily scolded

“You think I take offense to that?” Ava grinned evilly. “I go there on the weekends.”

Josh finished his Graveyard, and turned to Lucas, right next to him.

“Bartender, one more.”

“One for me too,” Stacy smirked, wiggling her empty cup.

“I think you’ve both had enough,” Lucas said in mock seriousness.

“How can you stand to drink those?” Tom asked. “I almost hurled taking a sip!”

“That’s it, you’re dead to me,” Stacy pouted theatrically.

“Aw, come on,” Lily nudged Stacy with her shoulder. “We all just pledged our eternal devotion to each other five minutes ago!”

And just managed to avoid talking about Noah…

Noah could be here. Right now.

Maybe not here though. The others might still hate him, maybe not, but at least he’d be alive. Maybe everyone would even slowly come to stop hating him.

He could find a way to pay for culinary school. He could open up the diner he talked about…

And I wish I could just stop thinking about those last moments…

Josh has vague memories of blushing and being embarrassed around Noah when they were younger, but he didn’t think it had meant anything.

Every time Josh started thinking about his...crush, if he could call it that, he’d just start thinking of Lucas, and guilt of betrayal would stab at his gut.

Josh’s eyes drift over to Dan, who’s been silent the whole time, aside from giving halfhearted laughs and accepting Graveyard refills…

…along with bringing up the one who’s been on Josh’s mind for a while.

“Well…not the whole group.”

Josh remembered that this night would end, and that everyone would go back to dealing with their trauma.

Not alone. Please for the love of god not alone.

He felt like some kind of traitor again, for feeling this awful around people with whom he should be happy.

It shouldn’t feel like this, after all this time. We won, didn’t we?

He remembered the panic attack he talked Lily through by phone after Britney called him, begging for help. He remembered Ava’s blank face as the signs of a flashback started to show. He remembered the bags under Stacy’s eyes as she drank more coffee than was healthy. He remembered the late night texts from Andy faking small talk when he couldn’t sleep and needed some anchor to reality. He remembered the way Dan finally admitted with tears that he wasn’t fine, was anything but fine.

And he remembered seeing the thing that used to be Noah in the ruins, looking back at him with those white eyes before vanishing.

No, Josh realized. We didn’t.

————————

Seconds ago, Josh had gotten Noah out of Redfield’s (no, Jane’s) control as he was seconds away from being stabbed.

He goaded and taunted the monster they all feared since childhood, and fended it off with a whistle.

So this should be easy, right?

Taking Jane’s place so she could finally be free of the hell she spent nearly a decade in.

“I’m sorry, Josh,” Noah sobbed. “Please…please tell my mom-”

“Wait!” Josh said shakily. “It doesn’t have to be you!”

“Josh, please, it had to be me,” Noah begged. “Let me do this. Let me fix my mistakes.”

“NO!” he screamed. “Don’t you dare! Let me do this! Let me take her place instead!”

Except…

Josh didn’t say any of that.

He wanted to stop Noah, he wanted to so much, but no matter what, his throat wouldn’t obey.

When it mattered the most, all he could give is silence.

If the two of them were any closer, their faces would touch. Unfallen tears pooled in Noah’s eyes, filled with regret

Josh didn’t know what to do. He wanted to scream at Noah. He wanted to hug him and never let go. He wanted to punch him.

But Noah acted before Josh could.

His lips weren’t soft, but warm and gentle, and soon turn salty when tears hit their lips. Neither of them knew whose.

“I’m sorry,” Josh lost count of the number of times Noah’s apologized today. “I just…I needed to do that. Just once…”

Those are the last words Noah ever said as a human.

————————

The night ended with everyone promising to see each other tomorrow, and soon after that.

And so, here were Josh and Lucas, waiting together on a bench on the sidewalk for Josh’s mom to come pick them up and give Lucas a ride to his house.

Despite everyone parting with the unspoken promise of this goodbye isn’t for good, Josh couldn’t help that irrational fear that the opposite would be true, and they’d all fall apart over again.

“You good?” Lucas pulled Josh out of his thoughts.

“Huh?” he mumbled dumbly.

“You’re squeezing my hand pretty hard there,” Lucas shakes his hand holding Josh’s, and he finds out he’s right; Josh is squeezing Lucas’s hand like some kind of lifeline.

“Sorry,” Josh says sheepishly as he eases his grip, but Lucas gives a gentle squeeze, keeping him from pulling away.

“Hey, you’re alright,” Lucas says before Josh can apologize any more.

Josh smiled at him, not trusting himself to speak right now. Unfortunately, it just gave way to an awkward silence.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” Lucas asks.

“What…” do you mean, Josh wanted to say, but he just didn’t have the heart to lie to his boyfriend’s face.

“I know,” Josh sighed.

And he did. But that was a different story than being able to do it.

“I’m here for you. So is everyone else. And if something’s been on your mind, we’d all listen if you wanted to talk.”

Josh wanted to.

He probably needed to.

Josh remembered Dan, how he desperately needed someone to talk to, how he needed help, and what happened after he didn’t get it (it wasn’t his fault, it was mine).

But what could he possibly say?

Is it okay for me to have lingering feelings for someone else? Someone who betrayed us and led us to a monster? Someone who’s a monster now himself? Someone almost all of you understandably hate?

There’s no way he can bring that up. Not to his friends, not to his boyfriend.

“I don’t wanna talk,” Josh sighs. “Could we just…be here…? If that makes any sense?”

“It doesn’t,” Lucas jokes. “But it’s a good thing I’m a mind reader.”

Lucas put an arm around Josh, pulling him closer.

Josh rested his head on Lucas’s shoulder and closed his eyes, enjoying his boyfriend’s presence.

In the future, when Josh finally found it in him to talk, he’d be able to go back to the cabin. Against all advice, he’d look for Noah in the shadowy figure that haunted the woods. And he’d find him. And soon after, Josh would be able to help more people who were forced into a world of monsters like he and his friends were.

[horizonmoonfics]

Pairing: Namjoon x Y/n Genre: Flansgt (it wasn’t fluffy enough to be fluff, but it’s not really angst so just. Flangst?) Word count: 2k Warnings: you are very unproductive. Tags: @cypherwritersnet​ 

“Melanie, for the last time, I can’t make it today. It’s my cousin’s birthday. I’ll catch up with you some other time.” “Okay fine, but we’re bringing Ainsley next time, alright? Magic Shop at 7 PM on Tuesday.” Melanie sounds stern, but you know she’s not entirely serious. No one’s gotten Ainsley out of her room since she broke up with Chad. “Alright fine, but if we manage to get Ainsley to see actual sunlight, you’re paying.” “Deal.”

You hang up the call, wondering how you got yourself into this situation. You put on your jacket and head out of the dorm, on the way to your aunt’s house. A few hours of chattering with your relatives and gossiping about your older cousins while the younger ones run around and eat cake will be enough to distract you from the fact that you’ve been behind on your work for three weeks. You head on over to your cousin’s house, parking your car next to the sidewalk. You step out and walk up to the door, and before you can knock, it opens, and your cousin runs out and hugs you. “Y/N I’VE MISSED YOU SO SO MUCH OMG! How have you been? How’s school? Are you seeing anyone? We have so much to catch up on!” your cousin Laurel squeals. “Laurel, calm down. It’s only been a month!” “STILL. Now. How’s school? Are you seeing anyone?” Laurel continues, eyes burning into your skin. This interrogation lasts for another ten minutes before she remembers that you two are standing outside, and then invites you in. A few hours of chattering with your relatives? More like six hours from 1 PM to 7 PM being bored to death while Laurel flirts with her boyfriend.

                                                   ~The Next Day~ It was Tuesday. At 6:59 PM. In the Magic Shop cafe. Waiting for Ainsley. Melanie, Skylar, and you were already there. It was raining, and it was raining pretty hard. The bell at the entrance to the cafe jingled, and you looked up, seeing Ainsley walk through the door. “So we finally got Ainsley out in public? I’m impressed,” you say, with a small chuckle. You are actually impressed, but also dreading having to pay for everyone’s coffee. “Don’t count on it happening again, I’m tired and I have homework.” Ainsley sighs. “Well, we might have to let your grades slip a bit. When was the last time you met someone?” Skylar says, adjusting the sleeves of her blazer. “It hasn’t been that long…” Ainsley drifts off, as you and your friends look at her. None of you believe anything she’s saying. “Okay maybe it’s been a while. So what? I can take time to focus on my studies! That’s not a bad thing to want.” “No it isn’t, however you were miserable after you broke up with that last guy. I can’t remember his name and no don’t you dare say it he is taboo. You spent three months sulking. And now you’re drowning yourself in essays. Take a freaking break girly,” Melanie says in her dramatic it’s-the-end-of-the-world voice, her hands on her hips. “Melanie I am not drowning myself in essays! I only have three due this week-” “And you had seven due in the past two days we are not taking any bullshit about not having much work.” You say, placing your phone down on the table and sighing. “We want you to go out more, to socialize. Maybe meet someone. At least revive your social life a little bit. Seeing someone who you can casually hook up with will be better than hiding in your room and only emerging for classes.” “There is merit to y/n’s words, Ainsley. Meet someone. Get dick. Don’t attach yourself if you don’t want to. Whatever. Just get out of the house.” Melanie said, then added, “but we should get coffee first. I mean, we’re here, aren’t we? It’s a coffee shop.” Everyone laughed, then sent you to grab a few drinks and some cookies. You shook your head, chuckling as you walked to the counter. You thought about Melanie’s words a little bit. Hooking up? It wasn’t really your type of thing to do, but maybe Melanie’s advice could apply to your worries as well. Though, you had enough on your plate already, so maybe not. When you returned to the table, you gave everyone their drinks and they began to talk about what they’d been up to the past week. “Oh also, you know that new club that opened up on First Street? I went there with some classmates the other day. I may have met someone…” Melanie says with a wink. “Who? Who? Why haven’t we met him?” said Skylar, pouting about being left out of the loop. There wasn’t a loop though. “Calm your tits Skylar, I’m about to tell you. His name is Kim Taehyung, he’s chill, and he’s pretty cute. He had three friends with him, I don’t remember their names though. And I’ve only known him three days, he hasn’t met anyone.” Melanie laughs, patting Skylar’s shoulder. “I think we should pay that club a visit. What’s it called again?” you say, genuinely interested. You think you know what place she’s talking about, the House of Cards club. It was kind of like a coffee shop that sold booze, and it was a great place to meet just about anyone. “House of Cards. Do you have any reason in mind to go?” Melanie asks, but all four of you already knew there was one reason to go. “No. No no no. I am not meeting your Kim Taehyung and his friends.” Ainsley says, wincing. “I do not go clubbing.” “It’ll be fun! Let’s go.” Skylar gets up, grabbing Ainsley’s wrist. You all head out the door, about to set foot in what will be the starting point of the most interesting night of your lives. About twenty minutes later, you’ve walked into the House of Cards and not only found Taehyung, but met six of his friends. They all seem nice, but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to talk to all of them today, especially with the way Ainsley is eyeing Seokjin. You sit down next to Namjoon, who seems to be the quietest. He’s wearing black glasses, jeans, and a pink shirt that says “Don’t Waste Your Time.” He doesn’t seem to be the type to waste his time, and you hope that rubs off on you. You need to get a leg up on studying. “Hi, I’m y/n.” You say, reaching to shake his hand. “Hi y/n, I’d introduce myself but you already know my name. How’s life?” He asks, shaking your hand. You smile, and say, “It’s pretty good, other than overwhelming schoolwork, you know?” You mentally slap yourself when you remember that you actually do have overwhelming schoolwork, and that you weren’t just making a joke. “Ah yes. Schoolwork. Honestly I think this is probably the most stressful time of the year, especially with exams coming up.” Namjoon agrees, and you take a mental note to check which exams you have next. “Yeah. Do you have Professor Sejin? I hear he’s going to have a really long essay portion.” You ask, curious to find out how he’s going to cope with exams. You really do need some study tips… “Oh jeez… Yeah, I have him. You?” “Yep. I’m in his second period class.” “Dang. Early. He hasn’t said anything to our class, how did you find out about the essay length?” He pushes up his glasses, all attention focused on you. “Some of my friends had him last year, they say his essay requirements never change. Figures that he’d be a teacher that doesn’t let up, you know?” “Yeah. None of the older ones do.” You both laugh, and Namjoon asks if he can get you a drink. You say yes, and ask for a coffee because you know you’re going to be driving tonight. You two talk for a few hours, only interrupted a few times by Melanie and Taehyung leaving (to do who knows what), Ainsley laughing at Jin’s jokes (and telling you that Jin was off limits… maybe she will be getting over Chad tonight), and by Jimin’s insistence on buying everyone another round of drinks. You and Namjoon both declined, preferring coffee to alcohol. Eventually, you check the time and realize you have a lot of studying to do. “Damn, it’s nearly midnight.” You say, looking at your watch. “Wow. Yeah, it is. Do you want a ride home?” Namjoon asks, getting up with you. “Ah, no thanks, my car’s at Magic Shop. I’m going to walk over there and then drive home.” “Okay. Can I walk with you? My car’s a few blocks away, so I’ll probably be heading in the same direction.” “Sure,” you say, smiling. He’s nice. When you get to his car, you turn to him and see that he’s taking a pen out of his jeans pocket. Upon seeing your look of confusion, he smiles shyly. “I was going to ask for your number,” he says, “but you don’t have to give it to me if you don’t want to.” You smile, and take out your phone. “I think there’s an easier way to do that than writing on my arm.” He laughs, and pulls out his phone. After the exchange, he bids you good night, and you do the same before he drives off, in the direction of campus. You get home about twenty minutes later, and get a text almost immediately after walking through the door.

Kim Namjoon: Hey 12:03 You: Hi 12:05 Kim Namjoon: Do u want to study together tmr? 12:05 You: Sure! If it doesn’t bother you, of course. 12:05 Kim Namjoon: Lol 12:05 Kim Namjoon: I wouldn’t mind, + it’s a good chance to get studying in 12:06 You: Alright lol 12:06

You finish making plans, and you sigh happily to yourself. Finally, something to get you to actually do your homework.

                                                     ~The Next Day~ You wake up to the sound of your phone alarm, playing the song “Rain” by BTS. Fitting, considering that it is raining pretty heavily outside. You have three new texts from Namjoon, as well as like fifty from your group chat with Melanie, Skylar, and Ainsley (Skylar was the only one who didn’t hook up with anyone, apparently).

Kim Namjoon: So it’s raining 8:20 Kim Namjoon: maybe we should study at the library instead? 8:20 Kim Namjoon: ur call lol 8:21 You: sure 8:46 You: i dont feel like dealing with soggy notes today lmao 8:46

After a laughing emoji from Namjoon, you get ready to go meet him.

You spot him almost immediately in the library. He’s the one person not wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and he waves at you when you walk in.

“Hello stranger,” you say, winking. He smiles, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses as he smiled. “Nice meeting you too, y/n,” Namjoon says, patting the seat next to him, “have a seat.”

You sit down and pull out two of your textbooks and your computer, while Namjoon clears a space on the desk for you.

“So, what exam are you studying for? I’m finishing up with my Civ Pro studying.” “I’m working on my Modern Literature essay prep,” you say, pulling up the essay document on your computer. “Ooh, I could help with that, I took Modern Literature last year.” Namjoon says, adjusting his glasses. “Okay, thank you!” You say, warmly. And so your study session begins.

The next few hours are spent not only studying, but also joking around and giggling. Studying with Namjoon was fun, but also very productive. The most productive you’ve been in months. You schedule more sessions for the next few days, and leave the library feeling very satisfied. You’re definitely cool with having a study partner.

[serenityinsabr]

Annnnd I am behind 😅

Day 4

I have stillllll been waking up consistently for Suhoor, made a whole breakfast with the usual faux egg whites, avocado and turkey bacon with HELLA water.

I broke my fast with myself tonight because I had class while I was breaking it. I had Cajun baked chicken and green beans (with parmasean) it was 🔥. I also blended ice until it formed a shaved ice type substance and mixed in water-flavoring powder and it was sooo good. I did my HIIT workout for the day and it was a nice night.

Day 5

Woke up for Suhoor again (get it!) and had the same breakfast as mentioned above as well as HELLA water and a gaterade zero lol (idk why that’s important).

For dinner I had some pollo asado low carb tacos I made and they were 🔥. I ended up somehow staying within my Macros which was extra dope. I broke my fast with myself again because I had class.

Afterwards AJ (my brother in law) came over and helped me work on my other car. I’ve been wanting to fix a few things on it before giving it away and I finally have the time to do it! I revived the battery and reprogrammed a new key for it. Got my HIIT workout in for the night too.

Day 6

Woke up for Suhoor again (sorta) 😅 I woke up but didn’t feel like working hella hard and so I put together a super quick and easy “breakfast.” I hate leftover chicken and beans from the night before and a peanut butter protein bar with hella water.

Had a Zoom meeting with the Dean of Academics to discuss some things for my upcoming exam for his class (cause of course I’d end up taking Constitutional Law with him), we talked a little bit more and I let him know that the Public Defender’s Office was slow and that I wanted to take on more projects/legal work and he hooked it up. Well he told me to talk to a Professor I’m cool with cause she’ll hook it up and we’re meeting (via phone) tomorrow!

Tonight I broke my fast with my Mom, she made my favorite, Pakora! No class, because yesterday was my last one for the semester and all I have left is finals. I also went and bought a salad and had that with some protein to break my fast. Today was a “higher” carb day, but I stayed pretty well within my macros and got in a hella intense HIIT workout. I’m noticing even more definition on my forearms, calves and biceps so I’m stoked to keep this up 😊

[ask-danganronpa-students]

Psss

College is nearly over for me (I’m on holidays right now and then it’s 2 weeks of exams before I’m finally done with it for this year) so I’m planning to have a new event on this blog in order to try to revive it a bit lol. So here is my question, when would you want me to do it, during the week, the weekend, during the day, at night? And are you still here? I know I have been terrible at updating my blog this year so I would totally understand if most of you have moved on and are no longer interested!

-mod lili

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day One Hundred Forty-Four: Bearing Fruit ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

For so long, he had so little to show for his actions.

His growth while training in Konoha felt...stagnate. From age seven when the massacre occurred to thirteen when the chūnin exams concluded, it was like he crawled along at a snail’s pace while time raced forward. Time, time, he never had enough time…!

Training under Orochimaru was...better, but still felt...lacking. Not in the sense that the snake sannin was keeping things from him, or...coddling him. More like he didn’t take Sasuke entirely seriously. Their views...differed. Whenever Sasuke spared those Orochimaru demanded he kill, he was called soft. It didn’t matter that he argued no one else had to die but Itachi. He could still see the derision in his teacher’s eyes.

A look that clearly said weak.

Then, finally, nearly a decade of work paid off. He confronted his brother, had a long and bloody battle...but emerged the victor. At last, his clan would have peace. Revenge.

But...no.

It was all a lie.

Madara - or Obito, as Sasuke later learned he was truly called - pulled the rug out from under him. Granted...as furious and confused as he was, Sasuke had to be grateful. If not for Obito and his scheming...he’d likely have never known about the truth of the Uchiha incident. Behind the slaughter of his family, his clan, his people.

But what irked him most wasn’t that he’d been lied to...it was that, once again, all his efforts were in vain. He mourned his brother, of course...but it felt like he’d been knocked all the way back to square one. Seeking revenge against those who wronged him.

Once again he was a little boy staring up angrily at the people who had truly taken everything from him.

But this time...he wouldn’t fail.

Danzō was simple enough. The fool’s martyrdom didn’t bother Sasuke in the slightest. It wasn’t like he’d have lasted much longer anyway. Next on his list was Konoha.

But before that could happen, Obito went and started a war. And during that war, Sasuke confronted even more truths. Learned even more about the futility of his previous plans, as he spoke to both his brother, and the prior Hokage.

Could nothing be simple?

Even his ultimate plan - to clean the slates of the old ways, and bring the shadows of the shinobi world to light - was stopped in its tracks.

By none other than Naruto.

How nauseatingly typical.

Of course, by now, he’s come to terms with that...interruption. But at the time, his rage, his disappointment, his fervor to do something, anything, about a world that had led to so many wars, so many deaths, so many massacres, pushed him to the most radical of solutions.

But at least he’d tried to do something…!

How many others simply laid down and accepted such a world? A world where genin watched young and grown men throw their lives away as tools? Where children were burdened with beasts of unimaginable power...and treated like pariahs when they’d had no choice in such matters? Where an entire clan could be wiped off the map simply for demanding equal treatment beneath a rigged and biased system?

It, quite frankly, sickened him.

But, for a time...Sasuke grew tired. So, so tired. Finally he had the power to make such a change reality. Ten years after the loss of his clan, he was practically a god among shinobi. But his only equal dogged his every step. Tempered him, maybe...but also refused to see any path, any method, but his own.

So, Sasuke intended to leave. Clear his head. Try to figure out the true path to peace.

But, Life had other plans. Itachi was revived. Shisui revealed himself to be alive. His niece and nephew were sparks of potential for a new generation of Uchiha, half-blood or not.

Something new finally bloomed in him.

Hope.

He wasn’t alone…! He had not one, but two of his kin at his side. Suddenly the bleak future of solitude he’d accepted was no more.

...but what to do with that hope?

They started at the top. Oust the prior council. Unite the clans against the imbalance of power between the administration and their populations. Homura and Koharu were forced to step down, stripped of their powers. Never again would they incite violence against their own people. Itachi was pardoned to match his brother.

At last, the Uchiha were free…!

Of course...it wasn’t so simple. Legally they’d been reinstated. Socially? They were still outcasts. But Sasuke cared little about that. He had his family. He needed nothing else.

...well...almost nothing else.

Idling was, for him, an impossibility. Sit too long without an occupation, and he’d surely go mad. So, he started scavenging for something to do. At first he considered rejoining the shinobi ranks - his brother had done so, taking over the ANBU branch. Shisui took a job as a Hokage bodyguard. But what could he do…? Simply doing grunt shinobi work seemed...pointless. He was too strong to be wasted on petty missions. ANBU work was challenging, sure, but...not his style.

And then...it hit him.

He’d return to his roots. A job he’d daydreamed of holding when he was just a boy.

Sasuke decided to rebuild the police force.

Of course, he knew he couldn’t do so alone. Strong as he was, he was just one man. To patrol an entire village - meet all of its citizens’ needs - he’d never manage.

So, he turned to their allies.

Having offered a hand to the Uchiha early on in their return, the Hyūga were like a looming shadow behind them, daring anyone to bring trouble to their distant cousins. Sasuke, Itachi, and Shisui were mighty - among the mightiest. But they lacked numbers. And that was where the Hyūga came in.

Among them, Sasuke had been getting to know Hinata best. No longer heiress (and no longer seeking to be), she instead had been serving as a kind of diplomat between their clans. With a returned Neji acting as Hanabi’s advisor, she in turn was the bridge between the families.

Which was wise. She wasn’t stuffy or overbearing like Sasuke quickly learned the rest of the Hyūga were. She he could get along with.

Rather well, actually.

Which is why he brought his idea first to her.

Something had sparked in her eyes. An eagerness. Quickly agreeing, she helped organize and bring the idea before her father, sister, and cousin.

After brief deliberation, it was agreed. The Uchiha and Hyūga would unite to create a new police force. The eyes to watch over Konoha from within.

Just as Itachi watched beyond their wall.

To Sasuke’s honest surprise, Hinata was among the first to join. She admitted to a similar sensation: one of idleness and feeling useless. Diplomacy, yes, she was well-versed in...but it felt unsatisfying. Shinobi missions, too, were just not the same. Not enough. She agreed perfectly that helping Konoha from within would help strengthen it. Clear out bad will, keep order, help those that needed help when a shinobi wasn’t able.

Was it any wonder, then, that they became partners, soon leading the force together?

It was then, some time after their founding, that Sasuke felt...complete. Like he’d finally found his role. All of his efforts - all the years, the work, the pain - were finally bearing fruit. No longer did he feel like a failure, always one step behind.

No...now, he’d taken the reins of his own destiny. He would protect and shape Konoha from within to something bigger, better, than it was before. The shadows would be cleared under his watchful eyes.

And he wouldn’t do it alone.

In fact...he’d never have to do anything else alone ever again. He’d found and gathered his family...rebuilt the bonds with his friends...and found a quiet love in the last place he expected to find it.

The fruits of his labors were sweet, indeed.

     I'm...slightly early for once! Woohoo!      Another of my more...introspective pieces. Sometimes when a prompt feels a bit too...vague, I do pieces like this. Not based on a scene, or dialogue, but more on a recap of how that prompt overarches for a character. And...most of the time it's Sasuke, lol - I don't know why! In all honesty I relate to Hinata very closely, so...I don't know why I default to writing from Sasuke's POV more often. He's just easier for me to write. *shrugs*      ANYWHO, this is - obviously - about how Sasuke finally finds a place and a purpose post-war. ALAS has a LOT of canon divergence post-699 (as my regulars will know), and this sums up a few ways it's different. There's...a LOT more to it, like the main conflict of arc three (aka everything post-699), but...that's not the focus for tonight.      But, before I blabber on, I'll call it a night - I can finally get to bed early for once xD And as always, thank you for reading!

[thefinalcinderella]

Tsurune Book 1 Chapter 1-Yata no Mori (Part 2)

Not going to lie but this chapter nearly drove me crazy with the kyudo terminology. Luckily, there’s a lot of information in English about kyudo online (and surprisingly a lot in French as well) so I just want to give a huge hand to the people who share their kyudo knowledge online in easy to understand ways, you’re the real MVP.

I highly recommend opening the chapter in two tabs and scroll down to the translation notes at the bottom if you can since a lot of words won’t make sense if you don’t know what they mean. I’m still searching for a convenient, non-intrusive way to write the notes so if anyone has any ideas,  let me know.

Also I think I’m going to go on a break after this (yeah even though I promised to post this a lot sooner) cuz I’m still a little burned out from DIVE!!. I just hope the anime doesn’t air before I actually finish this book lol

Translation Notes

1. The Raiki Shagi and Shahoukun are two important ancient texts in modern kyudo. They are written in the front of the Kyudo Kyohon and provide a lot of the philosophy behind Kyudo.

2. Yoshimi Junsei is a famous archer of the Tokugawa Period (1603-1868) who wrote the Shahoukun.

3. Yazuka measurement (not to be confused with yakuza) is the distance from the center of the body to the tip of the middle finger of the left hand when standing upright. This measurement is used to determine proper bow size.

4. Kataboushi yugake is a type of archery glove that has a hard thumb cap (I think???) There are three-fingered, four-fingered and five-fingered types.

5. Kake gae no nai ( 掛け替えのない) is a Japanese saying that means “irreplaceable”.

6. “Makuuchi” is a term for shooting an arrow into the curtain.

7. Gyousha is the movements comprising the act of aiming the bow and shooting the arrow.

8. Oyaki is Japanese stuffed dumplings.

9. Yips is a disease that causes the loss of fine motor skills in athletes. It manifests as twitches and jitters and occurs a lot in sports like golf and darts.

Full list of translations here

Previous | Next

What was that?

Who was that?

He thought back to that breathtakingly beautiful shooting, and Fuu’s deep black eyes.

He tried searching online, but couldn’t find any search terms to enter. The kyudojo of Yata no Mori didn’t have a website, only having its name entered in a list of all the kyudojo in the prefecture. And because of the Personal Information Protection Act, the identity of the person who owned it could not be disclosed either. In that case, he should have asked the man for his name. But, what would he do if he did asked for it?

Minato was heading for the school’s entrance to go home after school. It was bright outside the open windows, and he could hear the sounds of people going to club activities. When he narrowed his gaze on the still distant sunset, the wind died down.

Then, his shoulder was grabbed from behind again. I guess I don’t need to check to see who it is anymore.

“…Ryouhei.”

“ ‘Sup Minato. What are you so dopey about?”

“Do you know how big you’ve gotten? You’re heavy.”

“Sorry, it’s just a habit.”

While apologizing, his hand remained on his shoulder. The other hand was waving at the people passing by.

Since elementary school, Ryouhei liked to join shoulders with other people. Minato disliked being clingy with people, but when he saw Ryouhei’s smile, he couldn’t turn him down, so he left it as it was. Even during the several times when Minato and Seiya fought, Ryouhei would squeeze between them and join shoulders, saying with teary eyes, “I get sad when you guys fight,” and then it became impossible to get angry. Minato had a bad feeling as he felt the similar emotions from those times.

“Isn’t it too early to go home? Let’s go to the kyudo club’s information session together.” Ryouhei said.

Minato replied without a moment’s delay, “No. I’m not going.”

“Alright, then at least listen to some of the information. Tomi-sensei has back pain so he can’t do the practical skills, so it looks like Seiya will be demonstrating them.”

“Ryouhei, did Seiya bribe you to do this?”

“It’s not like that. But, he told me to tell you this: ‘If you don’t come today, then I’ll never let you see Bear again.’ Did they finally start to keep a bear over there? Sweet.”

No, that’s really not something to be impressed about, Minato quipped in his mind.

“For me, Seiya’s the sage, and you’re the hero. You have a heroic saga too, don’t you? Hey, do you remember what happened on our kindergarten trip?”

“Trip? Oh, the one where the hornet landed on my arm, and I kept walking without shaking it off? But, that’s not a big deal. Even though the hornet kept approaching me, the teacher warned me repeatedly not to kill it with my hands.”

“That’s not it! It’s the one where you barehandedly caught the crayfish that I couldn’t touch. When I saw that, I was like, ‘This guy is cool!’”

Minato was completely drained, and placed his hand on his knee.

“Ryouhei, we aren’t in kindergarten or elementary school anymore.”

“How’s that different from being in high school?”

Ryouhei’s innocent gaze pierced Minato.

Minato was an only child, but he was got the illusion that the naughty younger brother, who had always followed behind him, had suddenly matured.

“Actually, when I was in the second-year of middle school, I accidentally saw you drawing your bow. When I saw that arrow firmly hitting the target, I was so excited. I thought that I want to draw like that too. I want to do kyudo together with you and the others—. You said that you were busy with chores at home, so I gave up the other day, but I guess if Seiya and I cooperate we’ll manage somehow? It took a lot of trouble to meet you like this. Just try to listen to the information first. And then can you make your conclusion?”

“Ryouhei, I’m…”

“I want to do kyudo with you…is that no good?”

Ryouhei’s ears seemed like they were drooping down dejectedly. Minato was never good at handling his juniors.

“…All right. But I’m only listening.”

Ryouhei’s face lit up. He couldn’t understand why Seiya involved him into this, but he couldn’t refuse that face. Minato hung his head in shame at his weak-minded self.

At that time, Seiya headed to the kyudojo with Tomi-sensei before everyone else.

Kazemai High School’s kyudojo was located inconspicuously in a corner of the schoolyard. For kinteki (close-range) tournaments, the range was twenty-eight meters, with room for six people to draw at the same time. Though it wasn’t being used, it was well maintained, thanks to Tomi-sensei’s hard efforts bringing in senior citizen personnel during spring break. Seiya only resumed breathing when his hand traced the nameplate that read “Kazemai High School Kyudo Club.”

They bowed once as they entered the kyudojo, and then went ahead and bowed twice in front of the kamiza. Being barefoot is strictly forbidden in the kyudojo, for the same reason entering someone else’s house barefoot is impolite.

To prepare the kyudojo, first apply water to the azuchi (target bank), and then place the targets with their centers twenty-seven centimeters above the azuchi. The targets used were kasumi-mato (mist targets), which were targets with a diameter of thirty-six centimeters where black concentric circles were drawn.

Next was preparing the kyudo equipment. The arrows were placed in the yatate-bako (arrow stand), and the bowstrings were stringed onto the bows. The height of the ha—the distance between the bow’s grip and the stringーwas about fifteen centimeters. There were dedicated tools for measuring that height, but Seiya measured it using his right thumb and said, “This is fine.” Then he went on to rub “ma-gusune” on the string. He did this by applying kusune, which was a boiled mixture of pine resin and oil, onto a small waraji woven from hemp strings, and then using it to neaten the loosened string by fusing it with friction. The saying “to be ready and waiting for (te-gusune o hiku, 手ぐすね引く)” definitely came from kyudo, but the use of kusune was different.

After he got that far, he changed clothes. Shooting a bow right after stringing it was a cause of bow damage, so it was necessary to make it adapt ahead of time.

Seeing Seiya turning towards the makiwara (straw practice targets), Tomi-sensei spoke.

“Oh, Takehaya-kun, where are your glasses?”

“I use glasses because I have dry eye, but I only use contacts when I’m drawing a bow. Before, the bowstring would get caught on my glasses and send them flying.”

“The lenses cracking would be pretty shocking. But, when people who normally wear glasses take them off, do you think it’s okay to be so defenseless?”

“I am seeing perfectly now. I am completely prepared for the attack, far from being defenseless.”

“I say, that’s frightening.”

“Tomi-sensei, thank you for inviting me to the kyudo club. I’ll definitely make your mission a success..”

“I’m counting on you. Fu-ho-ho!” Tomi-sensei laughed.

To Seiya, Tomi-sensei was a happy miscalculation. Before the entrance exams, he had already investigated that the Kazemai High School Kyudo Club was on the verge of disbandment. Minato probably knew that as well. So, he planned to revive the kyudo club with his own hands.

A favourable wind was blowing.

In order to stand at that place once more—.

Seiya encouraged himself, as an unseen power pressed against his back.

On this day, an information session titled “Introduction to Kyudo” was scheduled, and people began to trickle in. Probably twenty or thirty people of mixed genders. For the boys, their goals weren’t just being introduced to club activities.

“Don’t you think kyudo girls are hot?”

“Yep.”

However, with the entrance of one attention-attracting boy, the boys’ ambitions were abruptly destroyed.

“Sorry I’m late. Thank you for preparing everything.”

When greeted with cries of “Nanao-kuuun!” from the girls, he made peace　signs with his hands and waved at them. They then exchanged incomprehensible greetings of “Merha~” “Merha~.”

It was a boy with bright, somewhat unruly hair, and who seemed like his whole body was shining beams of light. He was swinging a quiver in his hand, which was more a “pearls before frogs” accessory than “pearls before swine.”

Seiya set his bow down, and waved Nanao over.

“You’re Kisaragi Nanao-kun, right? My name’s Takehaya Seiya, and I’ll be with you today, nice to meet you. The frog on that quiver is pretty funny.”

“Oh, this is nice, right? Right now my room’s full of frogs. Oh, you can just call me Nanao.”

“All right, please call me Seiya as well. By the way, what was that ‘Merha’ you said just a while ago?”

“It’s short for ‘Merhaba.’ It’s Turkish for hi.”

While wondering why Turkish, Seiya let it pass. This was probably the reason why he was popular with girls. It wasn’t a type you saw much among boys who did kyudo.

When he picked up his bow and quiver, another person who didn’t seem to belong in a kyudojo appeared.

It was a boy with healthy, suntanned skin. Because of his sharp eyes, he was more a wild person rather than a refreshing sports boy, and a somewhat hard-to-approach aura floated around him. Even the girls who surrounded Nanao quickly backed away to surround him from a distance.

“Nanao, don’t block the entrance. Let me in right now.”

“Ehh, Kacchan, you’re so impatient~”

“Stop calling me Kacchan.”

“But aren’t you Kacchan, Kacchan? I can’t call you anything else at this point.”

“This sucks, having to be in the same high school as you, and then in the same club.”

“Aren’t you joining the soccer club? Didn't the guys in the soccer club ask you ‘What position did you play in middle school?’ on the first day?”

“I’m not joining the soccer club, I’m set on the bow. I’m different from the guys who started kyudo just to wear a hakama, like you.”

“I look pretty cool in a hakama. Of course, it’s not for show. Today, I have to show the girls my charming figure. That’s why, Kacchan, you should work hard too.”

“The only one I don’t want to be told that by is you.”

Noticing Seiya being taken aback, Nanao formally introduced him.

“This here’s Onogi Kaito. My cousin.”

“Onogi-kun, I’m Takehaya. Nice to meet you.”

“…I’ve seen you at a match before. What’s your middle school?”

“Really? It’s a private school, so it’s not around here, and I don’t think you’d recognize the name even if I told you. But putting that aside, I want to start soon, so the two of you should go change your clothes first. I’ll keep your bow strung.”

Kaito looked like he wanted to say something, but he entrusted his equipment to Seiya and headed for the waiting room (hikae shitsu).

The first round of Introduction to Kyudo has begun.

Seeing Minato and Ryouhei among the gathered people, Seiya murmured, “Ryouhei, good job.” under his breath.

Tomi-sensei cleared his throat.

“Everyone, relax your feet. This is a good gathering. It seems that I’m popular. I’m blushing.”

A laughter that said “That corny introduction is enough, so please quickly get on with it” rang out.

“Well then, first, some requests. Kyudo is a martial art. You need to respond with spirit. And then, this is essential, but if you nock an arrow to the bow, you absolutely cannot point it at other people, even as a joke. Even if you did not intend to release it, it can lead to a serious accident. Also, absolutely do not take the arrow off the bow to 'dry fire' it, as there’s the danger of snapping the bowstring. You must always obey these rules.”

And then, they chanted in unison the “Raiki Shagi” and the “Shahoukun” (1) that were printed on the right hand side of the kyudojo (TN: this is called wakishoumen or position where one is facing the kamiza and the targets are to the left). The former began with “The shooting, with the round of moving forward or backward can never be without courtesy and propriety. After having acquired the right inner intention and correctness in the outward appearance, the bow and arrow can be handled resolutely,” an inscription mainly preaching the ideals of kyudo. The latter began with “The way is not with the bow, but with the bone, which is of the greatest importance in shooting,” written by Yoshimi Junsei (2), and was mainly the dying instructions of his technique.

Tomi-sensei asked one of the students in the front row, “Do you understand the meaning?”

“No, not at all.”

“I was also completely clueless about what was written in the beginning. But as I kept practicing, I thought that 'Oh, this is what that was talking about.' You can look forward to that as well.”

“Yes, sir.”

“And, this is also a breath control technique. As reading out loud is a way to continuously exhale, this action will enhance your parasympathetic nerves and relieve tension. A good presence of mind is essential for drawing a bow. Isn’t it hitting two birds with one stone to learn the essence of kyudo and do breath control?”

“I seeee.”

The voices were overlapping each other.

It was Ryouhei’s and Nanao’s. Nanao had at some point sat down next to Ryouhei, and they were giggling as they looked at each other. Minato and Kaito, who were on both sides of the two, had sour looks on their faces.

Tomi-sensei held up the kyudo equipment.

“There are three main equipment necessary for kyudo. The bow and arrow, and the ‘yugake’ (archer’s glove). It is a glove made of deer skin used for protecting the hands. Most students use the three-fingered yugake. Now, let’s see the actual shooting technique. Tournaments are done with three or five people. Today we’ll have three people.”

Seiya, Kaito and Nanao got up. At that moment, a visitor came and informed them that sorry for the interruption, but Nanao was being summoned over the school PA system.

“Really? Did I do something? Sorry, Tomi-sensei, but I have to leave for a while. If you like, please replace me with someone else.”

Tomi-sensei looked around when the girls said things like, “Eh—, if Nanao-kun isn’t going to draw a bow then should we just go home?”

“Well, there was another person with experience here. What’s more, he’s a good-looking guy. Narumiya-kun, you can choose to change into a hakama or not, just try drawing the bow for a little bit.”

After a pause, Minato exclaimed, “What!?”

“I can’t. I haven’t held a bow for more than half a year already.”

“I just want you to show everyone how it’s done. The equipment is borrowed, so everyone naturally understands that you won’t be able to strike well. Everyone wants to see him shoot, right?”

Because they all applauded at once, Minato was cornered into a hard-to-refuse situation.

While waiting for Minato to get ready, the others were touching the kyudo equipment. Tomi-sensei and the others moved to the wall.

Kaito took an arrow and approached Minato.

“Since it’s troublesome to have the bowstring caught on your buttons, change into a gym uniform and put on a chest protector (muneate). What was the draw strength of the bow you used? Hold out your left arm so I can do the yazuka measurement.” (3)

“Hey, hey wait a minute. I never said that I was going to draw it. Right, I heard that Ryouhei also drew a bow in class when he was in middle school.”

“Even if he did it in class, it was still dangerous. Plus, Tomi-sensei said that it’s natural that you won’t be able to hit anything, and nobody cares about your skill.”

“It’s not that, it’s not that at all…”

“This is getting annoying. Just do the one or two things you’re asked to do. Aren’t you ashamed to be not much of an archer?”

Minato became speechless at the word “archer.”

Kaito took that as acknowledgement, and used Minato’s throat as a starting point to verify the length of the arrow. If it was too short, there was the danger of accidental discharge when the arrow was pulled towards the inside part of the bow.

Seiya stood next to Minato.

“Let’s trying shooting at the makiwara first. If that seems impossible, you can decline. Though the club has some as equipment, what will you do for the yugake?”

“…I’m fine.”

“All right. It’s a waste of time to go back to the classroom to get your gym clothes, so I will lend mine to you.”

Minato changed into the t-shirt and jersey, and took out the dragonfly-patterned pouch from his bag. Inside was a well-used yugake. The other day, when Seiya had said that he was carrying around a treasure, he was referring to this.

There are people who think that when shooting a bow, the end of the arrow was pinched and pulled back, but in fact, the thumb was used to hook the bowstring and pull it. Minato used a three-fingered kataboushi yugake (4), and the groove at the base of the thumb where the bowstring is hung from was called the tsurumakura. Since the position and form differed slightly depending on the yugake, it was difficult to use something unfamiliar. “Kake gae no nai” (5) was an expression that came from kyudo, with the “kake” meaning yugake.

Minato put on his shitagake (under glove) and yugake, applied giriko (glove powder) to his middle finger to prevent slipping, making a squeaking sound.

As he stood in front of the makiwara, his heart was striking the alarm bells. Although he never failed to do muscle training and rubber bow practice, this was actually the first time in a while that he had held a bow.  The anxiety of not knowing whether his movements were correct or not grew stronger. However, his body moved by itself, and before he knew it he had already nocked his arrow.

He performed gyousha (7). He carefully drew the bow back to its limit. When he drew the bow back to its fullest position, “kai,” Minato counted.

One, two, three, four, five—.

The arrow left Minato’s hand, and hit the center of the makiwara.

When he set down his bow, Tomi-sensei called out to Minato.

“Ooh, you have a beautiful form. If that’s the case then you’re fine.”

Minato tightly pressed his lips together, and took out the arrow embedded into the makiwara. When he exhaled on his shoulder, Seiya, who was watching attentively from a little distance away, also sighed heavily in the same way.

Once they finished preparations, Seiya, Minato, and Kaito lined up at the entrance in that order. It was the beginning of nyuujou (entering the dojo).

They bowed, then moved forward with their feet scraping the floor. They turned towards their respective targets, and then briefly sat down and gave a shallow bow. Their lined-up position at this moment was called honza. When they stood up, they got into the position for shooting and then sat down again. This position was referred to as shai, the position where one shot from their sitting position was called “zasha,” and the position where one was always standing was called “rissha.”

As the three of them nocked their arrows together, Tomi-sensei began to explain.

“As you can see, aren’t they nocking two arrows? Those two arrows are called ‘hitote,’ shot in the order of haya (first arrow), and then otoya (second arrow). First up is Takehaya-kun. The first person to shoot is called the ‘oomae.’”

When he was called, Seiya stood up with his nocked bow. He spread his feet, set the bow on his left knee, and removed his right hand from around his waist. With that as his cue, Minato, who was second, also stood up, and followed Seiya’s movements.

Seiya took the bowstring with his right hand, gripped the bow with his left, and faced the target again. He raised both arms in front of his body, slowly bringing the arrowhead to the center of the target. The exact moment when the bow was taut was the highlight of kyudo. The cross shape formed by the person and the bow conferred a pleasant tension to the viewer, and of course the person themselves.

One, two, three, four, five—.

It hit the center. An ooh sound went up.

With Seiya’s tsurune as a signal, Minato got his bow into the uchiokoshi position. Everyone thought that Minato’s arrowhead would slowly approach the center of the target as well.

However, the arrow left Minato’s hands early, not aimed at the center of the target at all, and it landed a great distance before the target. “Before the target” meant the right-hand side, and “behind” it meant the left. Since the arrow was released at a speed as though he was startled out of his wits, the kyudojo became noisy in an instant. Some people were looking at each other with expressions that said, “What was that?”

Tomi-sensei spoke playfully, “Were you nervous so many beautiful ladies here? Whether you hit or miss, having a poker face is one of the basics. It is courtesy with regards to others to not show emotions. Unlike archery, you can gain a point just by hitting the target anywhere. You only either hit or miss. Well then, the person who goes last is called the ‘ochi.’”

Kaito should have used Minato’s tsurune as a cue to get his bow into the uchiokoshi position, but he had to be told to do it. He drew the bow to its limit, and waited for the moment of hanare, but the arrow missed the target.

In the second round, the arrow that Seiya released went behind the target. Having finished shooting the arrows he had in his hand, he began the process of taijo (exiting the dojo), but Minato didn’t move. The raging palpitations of his heart, and pulsations at the back of his neck were deafening. He cautiously got his bow into uchikoshi, and seemed to be drawing it close to the target on the lawn, but he couldn’t breathe.

I can’t let go, I absolutely cannot let go—.

Minato repeated that many times in his heart. He pulled the arrow to half of its length, and then tried to draw it even wider from there, but the arrow flew out again while he was doing that, and it went high above the target, hitting the curtain that was covering the azuchi.

In the end, Kaito managed to hit the target, and it ended with a total of six shots, with two targets of 1:0:1.        

“It’s more difficult than it looks to hit the target in kyudo. That’s why, it is such a pleasure when you do hit it. As I’m thinking of everyone learning together, people who are interested are sure to gather here tomorrow as well.”

After they were dismissed by Tomi-sensei’s words, Kaito waited for Minato to finish changing clothes before approaching him.

“Oi, Narumiya. What was with those earlier shots… Even though the ‘makuuchi’ (6) can’t be helped, why did you do it so early? Since you shot it so early, I couldn’t even get into yugamae in time.”

“Hey, didn’t I say that I couldn’t do it from the beginning? I didn’t mean to release it so soon.”

“Hah? What a lame excuse. You shot normally at the makiwara. But as soon as you stood in front of the target, you did those messy shots. Aren’t you ashamed as an archer?”

“…Oh, I am. I’m already not an archer anymore… Move, I’m going home now.”

Minato shook off Kaito, and walked quickly towards the exit.

“Minato, are you coming tomorrow? …Since I’ll be waiting for you.”

“You don’t have to, since I already stopped doing kyudo!”

Standing next to Seiya as they watched Minato run off, Tomi-sensei whispered to him.

“Takehaya-kun, is it possible that…”

“…He has hayake.”

Minato mounted his bike and sped off without looking anywhere but ahead.

It began to rain. Gripping the wet, slippery handlebars tightly, he pushed his bike on and ascended the steep hill road. His tail lamp left a trail of red afterimages on the gleaming asphalt, and the sound of car tires repelling the water overtook it. When he saw the torii, he stopped his bike and entered Yata no Mori.

At the Yata no Mori Kyudojo, the man was standing on the other side of the bamboo fence of the outdoor stands. As if so that the man would not find him, he crouched down on the spot to watch him. Maybe because of the humidity being high due to the rain, the clear tsurune from before couldn’t be heard, but the shots he sent out from his relaxed limbs were still beautiful. Deviation-free movements that were somewhat liberated. And yet, there was also a somewhat solemn feeling.

It was as though he was performing a prayer.

What would I wish for on a night where the moon and stars couldn’t be seen?

Suddenly, he met eyes with the man. Was it natural to spot him because the other side was on a higher ground?

The man made a scissors gesture with his yugake-covered right hand, and casually beckoned him over. Minato didn’t refuse him, simply staring vacantly at that gesture without using his brain. Then, the man placed his bow at his feet, and then went to the edge of the shajo and crouched down. “Come, boy,” he beckoned him with both hands.

It’s like he’s—.

“I am not a dog or a cat.”

“Well then, come here quickly. A soaking wet boy in the dark looks like a ghost from here, so it’s really scary.”

“I don’t want to make the shajo dirty.”

“It’s fine, it can just be mopped up later. You’re going to mop it up, right?”

He laughed, just like that night. Minato went up to the shajo, still dripping wet. The man picked up his bow lying on the ground and left that spot, then returned with a wrapped packet in his hand.

“Take off your clothes and dry them out, since I’m lending you this beginners’ training uniform. The men’s changing room is right in front of the reception desk. Also, you don’t need to be so formal with me.”

After he changed his clothes and returned, the man was sitting in a corner of the shajo. The spots where Minato dripped on were also completely wiped clean. “There you are,” he said, handing him a can of coffee that had a flame design on it this time.

Minato cupped the can with both hands.

“…It’s hot.”

“It gets cold at night. Oh, I have something good. Do you want to eat it too?”

When he wondered what was going to appear, it turned out to be oyaki (8). With red bean paste. Minato tossed the sweet oyaki into his mouth, downing it with the canned coffee.

After finishing his drink, the man began to adjust his bowstring’s nakajikake (nocking area). The groove of the arrow’s nock was slightly bigger than the bowstring’s thickness. In order to make it easier to nock the arrow, glue was applied to the bowstring and then it was wrapped in hemp, before it was adjusted to a reasonable thickness.

Minato looked up at the night sky and muttered, “Is it impossible for Fuu to come since it’s raining today?”

“Yeah, I’m going to call him on the next sunny day. Your shoulder is the perfect perch for him after all.”

“I’m not an ornament. By the way, how long do you do this for?”

“It was supposed to be until around nine P.M., but I only seem to be using it in the daytime recently. When I use it, I take the key out of the mailbox, then place the fee on the reception desk. 50 yen for an hour. Apparently couples sneak in here at night, since there’s no one here.”

“And this is supposed to be a sacred dojo…”

“You don’t seem to have much experience in that area. Shall I teach you the basics?”

“You perverted old man.”

The man grinned, as he used two small wooden block-like objects, called douhou, to tighten the nakajikake firmly. Thinking that he was restarting his practice, he instead said something unexpected.

“I get the feeling that you’re experienced with kyudo. Do you wanna try shooting a bow for a bit?”

“Um, no thanks.”

“Don’t be shy. Didn’t you come here because you want to shoot a bow?”

“I said, no thanks!”

Minato came to his senses at his own raised voice.

“…Sorry, I’m going home now.”

“Before you go, it’s okay for you to let out whatever you want here. Telephone lines don’t even pass through this kyudojo, so it’s a place isolated from the modern world in a sense. I’m someone who doesn’t exist in your reality. What you say now will never be told to anyone other than me.”

The man waited for Minato’s reply.

A long time passed, and Minato squeezed out the words, as if he was gasping them out.

“How are you able to do such beautiful shots? …I got ‘hayake’ in my last middle school tournament, and after that…I’ve gotten scared of shooting a bow.”

Hayake was a condition where one shoots an arrow even though one hasn’t decided on it. Without arriving at kai, the arrow was shot in the midst at drawing the bow apart. It was said to be a serious affliction in kyudo, much like the yips disease in golf. (9)

“After I lost in the tournament, I resumed practicing. Even though I could endure standing in front of the makiwara, I couldn’t last even one second in front of the targets. My own body wasn’t listening to what I was telling it at all. The more I think that I must not shoot it, the more the arrow slips from my hands. Before long, even drawing the bow became scary. Staying like that, I caused trouble for everyone.”

When he first joined the club, he had a senpai who could hit very well. Someone who could have served as the team captain. However, when that person got hayake, the club had dropped out right before the prefectural tournament. It was a mystery at the time. Why did he let go so quickly? What made him let go even though he didn’t want it to? He must be a weak-spirited person.

Now that he himself was in that position, he finally understood. Even though he was scolded by his sensei with “Why are you releasing it?” even though he was criticized by his teammates with “You’re shooting it too early,” he couldn’t do anything on his own. It was exactly like a disease. Before he knew it, nobody said anything. He knew that they had given up on him.

“And so, I quit just like that. Today, I held a bow for the first time in half a year. I was hoping that it might have been healed, but I was still no good… This is so uncool, right? This is what a talentless hack is like.”

“I see, that must have been so painful for you.”

Minato raised his head in surprise.

What did he say just now?

Painful? Was I in pain?

He reflexively guarded his eyes. It was the best he could do to withstand the things that were welling up.

The fear from the appearance of the hayake was similar to drowning in a muddy stream, but not everyone could sympathize with it.

“…Could I ask for your name? I’m Minato, Narumiya Minato.”

“Takigawa Masaki. Since I’m mostly called ‘Masa-san’, I’ll call you Minato as well.”

“Masa-san, I don’t know what to do… I don’t want to do kyudo anymore. I don’t want to reconfirm my unsightly self. So when my dad told me to take the entrance exams for a public high school because our finances were tough, I thought I was saved. With that, I didn’t have to continue on with the private school I was attending, so that was a justification for quitting kyudo. But even so, I couldn’t stop running and doing muscle training. It feels like the bow is trying to call me back…”

—The tsurune is calling me.

The number of promises that he had failed to fulfill had become his fetters. Will you abandon everything and run away? The heroics of Minato that Ryouhei talked about were in the past, and nowadays he was the same as a warrior scurrying back home after losing a battle.

“But you still want to draw a bow. Am I right?”

“…Yeah. But how can I recover from hayake…?”

“You’re looking at someone who overcame hayake right now.”

Masa-san grinned.

Previous | Next

[lloronista]

tagged by @koukenkage and @malignedaffairs  💕💕

Rules: Answer the 11 questions you were asked, write 11 questions and tag 11 people. (idk if i can think of 11 Qs again sorry!)

Qs from Koukenkage:

1. What did you want to become as a grown up when you were a child? The main two professions I was obsessed with as a kid were ballerina and veterinarian 

2. Is there a big dream that you had to give up to achieve your goals? Do you regret it? I guess I’m sort of still slowly sacrificing one dream for a more realistic goal, in that I chose to pursue studying literature instead of writing fiction for my master’s program. It’s not that I don’t love literary analysis, or that this choice makes it impossible for me to find time to write stories on the side, but I do sometimes regret not following my heart more closely and instead playing it safer career-wise. I’m literally in the process of writing my thesis and taking my graduate exam next term and yet I still sometimes wonder if it’s not too late to switch over to the creative writing program lol 

3. Is there a book/a movie that you’ve loved but couldn’t read or watch again? Black Swan, Grave of the Fireflies, and The Flowers of War are a couple films I really like but don’t feel the need to watch more than once haha. I also really enjoyed reading the Harry Potter series when I was younger but I doubt I’ll ever want to re-read the books tbh

4. If you could be someone else for 24 hours, who would that be? I know this is really “middle school” of me, but I am genuinely curious what it would be like to live as a cis-gendered man for a day. I don’t have a specific person in mind tbh xD

5. You can get your dream job in exchange for ten years of your life, do you accept? I probably would lol

6. A meteorite is to destroy the earth in 24h, what do you do for dinner tonight? The rest of my leftover mac & cheese in the fridge so I can leave this world without unfinished business weighing on me

7. You can revive one human being, no matter how long ago they died, who do you choose? Someone of your family? Siddhārtha Gautama? Homer? Shakespeare? Jesus christ? Be wild (or not). I feel like the wisest thing to do would be to let the dead rest and not meddle in such a way xD however, if I had to choose someone, I’d want to bring back Gloria Anzaldúa. Her poetry and essays have inspired so many, and she had wanted to write so much more before her untimely death, so I wish she had more time on earth to see her ambitions made into reality ;o; 

8. You can make one thing disappear from existence, what do you choose? (It has to be something concrete, not a concept, like the flue is okay, but not the concept of disease.) myself lol actually you know what, PLEASE make the rats disappear from my workplace, I hate being in that building you can literally hear their tiny rat feet scuttling within the walls

9. You wake up in the body of Quasimodo, what is your first thought? My back feels more messed up than usual 

10. You are going on an adventure of unknown nature, but you are allowed to choose a fictional character to accompany you, who are you going to choose and why? Shisui!! I’m so predictable, I know xD But who wouldn’t want a travel companion as wise and strong and brave as him? (Itachi is so lucky to go on missions with him~)

11. You fall deeply in love with someone, then realize that this person has done something horrible that goes against all your principles, and you know that you’ll think of it every time you see them. What do you do? I just wouldn’t love them anymore I guess. I’ve been in the position before where I was head-over-heels for someone who I realized was not a good person, nor did they treat me well. It would take some time for me to fully move on, but I’d wean myself from those feelings eventually. We can’t control who we become infatuated with, but I don’t want to love someone deeply if I can’t admire them and be proud of who they are

Qs from Malignedaffairs:

1. If you won a million dollar tomorrow, what would you do? Fund the rest of my education so I can get my doctorate eventually, and move into a nice apartment near the city ;v; 

2. What made you fall in love with your first love? His eyes were beautiful, and he was a musician. Looking back on that period of my life is kinda embarrassing though, I definitely was not wise about the people I had crushes on

3. What are your favourite scents? the interiors of coffee shops and bakeries, lemon, cinnamon, burning brush

4. The most extraordinary food you ever tried? How did you like it? I’ve had some really spectacular sushi at this Japanese restaurant near my campus, but probs my favorite I’ve ever had there is this coconut shrimp & mango roll :O

5. Which person of your family do you feel closest to and why? My younger brother and I have always been really close, due to not being far apart in age, but also because of how we endured a lot of abuse together throughout our childhood. We’re also both pretty introverted, and so have mostly just had each other for friends haha

6. Which person of your family do you feel the least close to and why? My dad’s entire side of the family tbh. I don’t even really view them as my relatives anymore

7. What creative activity do you enjoy? Lately my main creative outlet has been writing poetry 

8. Is there any feature/phenomenon/characteristic of another culture you would like to permanently have access to/incorporate in your own culture or home country? I believe I read somewhere once that teachers/educators in Sweden are greatly valued and paid well, since it’s widely understood in Swedish culture that teachers’ contributions in nurturing the minds of their youths are invaluable in society. I reeeally wish we could adopt that view in American culture, it’s honestly embarrassing how ineffective public education is becoming here and how little teachers here get paid

9. How did your best moment of today look like? I got to come home from work and finally get some rest

10. How do you usually reward yourself? with sweets!

11. What’s your eye colour and how do you like it? I really like my brown eyes :P

[the-suriel-deserved-better]

Thoughts while reading Acowar.

Mind the swearing and spoilers kids. -2 years before the wall? Wait is this like a baby bat Rhys POV? -oh God this field isn't a nice place. Kinda like it tho. - omfg 6 High Fae... 6, to defeat one Illyrian... damn. - Rhys is so protective if his brothers it's killing me. -AGH PART ONE HERE I FUCKING COME. -Yes Feyre, burn this shit. -Already thinking about that wingspan Feyre? Can't blame ya. - Ugh Tamlin no can you not enter this moment just yet. Ugh Lucian I'm fucking watching you. -Oh for Fuck sake I gotta read about Ianthe soon to? -ugh I just want some smut and it's only page nine. -Feyre you can roll your eyes. God knows I am. - Oh hey Ianthe, go Fuck yourself Ianthe. -You definitely revived something from Rhys hands Feyre, but it was far more pleasurable than torture. -Lucian I won't ship you and Elaine. But please, for the love of God, kill Ianthe. -Oh hell fucking ni, Jurian, go fucking Fuck yourself and stay the Fuck away. -Oh snap, Nesta and Elaine already so powerful they can drain the cauldron. -Oh snap, Feyre laying down these facts. Also that's how I spell Miryaim's name. -Feyre you savage. -Jurian, talk about Elaine like that again and I will kill you. -Oh Fuck off Ianthe, I've read enough of you. -Okay Lucian, my heart is softening towards you. -God I missed you Alis. -Damn summer solstice is giving me goosebumps. -Rhys you are giving me life. -Uh Oh, Tamlin's getting jealous of friendship. -YOU FUCKING BURNED THEIR WINGS. -Ahhh Feyre you also cringing about Elaine being fucked by a fire blooded male?? Let me introduce to Azriel. He's far better in my opinion. -All these painting titles... we're they like, working title for Acowar. -Rhysand you get that tongue to work. -Also Tam you prick. -TAMLIN YOU MOTHERFUCKING PRICK HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A WHIPPING. -God Alis, my bae. -Feyre slit her throat. -Yes Feyre Fuck this bitch up. -Oh these twins. Can you fucking not. - Go Lucian Go. -Bring on Part Two. -"He can get in line," Feyre getting a list of people who wanna kill her to rivals Aelins. -Oh for Fuck sake, everything was going so well, until Lucian's brothers showed up. -OMG CASSIAN YOU'RE BACK. -AZRIEL MY CUPCAKE. -"There's no such thing as a High Lady," bitch excuse me. -Cassian you melt my stone cold heart. -Mor my darling. -OMG IT'S HAPPENING, RHYS IS COMING. -Amren, boo. Hru? -Lucian being called a girl, I'm dying -AGH RHYS. -"Go find somewhere else to be," I know what that means. -The smut was worth it. -Oh I missed the banter of my baby bats. -And Rhys' swearing begins. -Cassian sunning his wings. I wonder if a certain Nesta sees. -Cassian trying to be chill around Nesta is my new aesthetic. -Nesta reads romance. Hell Yes. -"You come between a male and his mate, Nesta Archeron, and you're going to learn about the consequences the hard way." Trying to foreshadow something there Cassian? I Ship. -No is mentioning the sorrow and longing in Cassian eyes, Feyre, for the same reason no one mentioned it when Rhys looked at you all those months ago. -Reading about Elaine is painful. -I'm relating to Elaine and all those open curtains too much... shit. -Cassian you're to precious. -I missed the Amren/Cassian banter so much. -Shit Mor is getting pissed. -Feyre keeps calling Rhys mate and I'm feeling bad for the Australian readers. -"Because I can't stay away" well Fuck me if they ain't mates. -Nesta looking as Cassian like he's the only one in the room. -Damn right there was a reason Lucian wore a fox mask. -Idk what to write but the nessian at pg.203. gahhhhhhh. -"Surely Nesta wasn't anything he couldn't handle," omfg Feyre, it's hilarious of you to think that. -Feyre were you not there for Acomaf. He was very clearly, cocky then. -Library sex? I'm in. -oh, so no library sex. -To the Bone Carver we go. RIP. -Oh so, the Carver, and the Wearer are- I'd be shocked only I read that spoiler. -Oh so the Carver is a mirror type of perosn? What even is a mirror person? Is it his kink? -Oh Nesta having death powers. -Feyre constantly calling Rhys mate tho. -Tbh all I wanna know is who or what the carver appeared to Cassian. -Everyone in this book be complementing Rhys good taste. -Ah Az and Elaine be starting. Az be carrying his ship. -Poor Cassian. Nesta will come around, I promise, I read the spoiler. -YES AZRIEL SHOW HER THE GARDEN. I'VE READ THIS SPOILER PAGE SO MUCH AND NOW IT'S MINE. -You know, I wrote a fanfiction about Az and Elaine in a garden and her calling his scars pretty. They kissed in it. -"Azriel isn't the ravishing type," Rhys you should read the fanfic I wrote about him. He loves to ravish. -omg Cassian calming Nesta- ugh how many more pages until this kiss? -Az, sunning your wings for Elaine? How scandalous. -"Why not make them mates?" Feyre babe I'm asking the same question. -FEYRE YOU SHIP ELRIEL TOO? Oh sweetie I love you more than Cassian rn. -Rhysand, let Feyre play matchmaker. -I was about to bash Kier for insulting Az, but Az got this shit. -Oh not this fucking Eris bitch again. -Rhys the Fuck you playing at? -Okay, ngl I know Mor is gay but those Eris know? Ffs. -Okay everyone is fighting and I'm more intrigued than I should be. -D'as Nessian. -Double d'aw Elriel. -Pg.303 and back to sassy Az. -Sassy Az KS giving me life. -It was at page 306 that I realised I was in love with Az. -Nephelle's be giving me goosebumps. -Yes bathtub scent with Rhys. -Oh it's actually a massage scene? I'm in. -Feyre are you trying to start a war? Cassian flying with Nesta. Dammit who am I kidding I wanna see that. -Yes Az, help Elaine in the garden. I am sailing this ship. -Nesta watching Cassian lick his fingers and I'm like, now imagine that kissing elsewhere. -Nes? I ship. -Some shit happening in the library. -ohhhh so we finally reached the part where people wonder if Elaine is a seer. -Yes Feyre, put Elaine's riddles together. -Okay that scene was intense but Nessian at the end was calming. -"Amren on the hunt," a novel by sjm. -Damn Az, took you awhile but bravo, she's a seer. God it couldn't be any easier to love you. -Lucian I swear to God if you die, looking for this sixth queen, I will kill you. -Also where is my Suriel. -Shit Alis don't die. -oh FFS, look, "king" of Hybren, old buddy. If you'd kindly fuck off. Only it's late, I don't need these plot twists. -Look, "King," I'd pay good money to see you try and take Feyre. -Rhys if you could destroy my upcoming exams the way you did those ships, I'd be grateful. -pg.379, more smut, hell yes. -pg.381, Nesta all concerned. -The amount of sex feysand are having. That wingspan must be truly impress you Feyre darling. -So Cassian is terrible at complements. -Ah yes boys, bringing up that wingspan again. -This Nessian tho. -"she threatened to freeze my balls off," Kallias, Viviane, welcome to my heart. -I'm in love with Viviane. -God sake, Tamlin Fuck off. -Tamlin, let me tell you, Rhys and Feyre have fucked so much I'm sure he could recount every noise she is capable of making. -Fucking shut up Tamlin. -Eris if you'd kindly shut the Fuck up too, it'd be a pleasure. -Pg.438, Nesta, damn, *blows kisses.* -nvm of 439, Go Feyre. Slay. -Helion.... wait... look I can't go around loving all these people. It makes me look like I have a heart. -You know I'd be surprised at Lucian being a whole, some air of dawn court, but I already read that spoiler. -Okay mor is gay why is- you know what, never mind, I give up. -Oh. Oh Fuck. -lol, I'm so tired, whenever I hear the wall mentioned all I can think of is humpty dumpty. -"Don't even start," Nesta, sweetie, we've been shipping this since the last book. -Part three here I come. -btw this is still the same day for me. I've read up to part three in a few hours. It's two in the morning. Never underestimate a fangirl deprived of her smut. -Jurian just has to show up, doesn't he. -idk who I am to believe anymore. -I wanna say Fuck this shit I'm out. But I am so in. -So am I meant to trust Jurian or not. -Damn Tarquin. -Nessian will kill me quicker than these plot twists. -Ayyy more shut, god I love you Sarah. -Yes, the Suriel is coming into play bitches. I'd been surprised by what happens only I've seen this spoiler too. -Okay first thing first, Ianthe please Fuck off Secondly rip Suriel 2K17. -Cassian what happened. Nesta please. I know the ending and shit but tf happened. -Feyre be joining up these dots about which way Mor floats. -This, Varian, Amren thing, yeah I'd like another five books of it. -Awww, Az, you're to sweet and selfless. -I'm so tired IDK how to feel anymore. -Oh greatttt, Feyre got hit with an arrow. Any more plot twists. -Wait Tamlin? Fuck, ugh. -d'aw, Elaine kissed his cheek. -it's four in the morning. I have less than one hundred pages left. -Shit. -Fucking hell Elaine stab them bastard. -Also Nessian hell yes. -Also...wait what's happening. -Rhysand you fucking bastard it's five in the morning don't do this to me. I know you live god dammit don't fucking do this. -oh thank fuck that's all settled. -This book. These plot twists. These ships. It's all so heart wrenching and shit. -Wait is she flying over Velaris in her lingerie. -Fuck it's half five in the morning. I read this book in under 24 hours. I need to sleep. *hours later* -omfg I need to read this shit again. It was so good. The High Lords, the banter, the near death experiences. The romance. The sass. Sarah you queen. -if the at least the novellas don't have nessian or Elriel tho I may be tempted to cry. And that, my friends, is a snippet of the roller coaster if thoughts and emotions I went through. I was too tired to cry during it but my heart was successfully ripped out a few times.

[fiftyeightminutes]

kalagang for "We both have friends who party too hard and we keep running into each other in the bathroom while we hold their hair back"??? i love your fics

aahhhh thank you so much.  sorry this took so long to write!  apparently my brain went, “au?  you mean time to give the story a ton of context right?”  so this is way longer than i intended.  (no one seems to mind when that happens though haha.)  okay so this au is set in a vague college setting in the united states because that’s the personal experience i’m working with here lol.  just accept the setting and roll with it, dears.

ALSO.  just wanted to say.  i know the fandom is having a hard time right now.  but i want to let you guys know that i am not giving up on this show.  other shows have had revivals.  several others, really.  be it movies, or a mini-series wrap up, even full blown new seasons.  it’s happened before, and we are so strong together.  we’ve already made so much noise.  please don’t give up, guys.  i love you.

---

The first time Kala meets Wolfgang, it’sthe first week of her junior year of university.  Specifically, the first Friday, when all thepartying gets started.  This has neverexactly been her scene (she’s spent many more late nights with her biochemistrybooks than booze), but after hearing how much she loved her school in theStates, Daya had wanted to join her.  Andwhen Daya came to college, she expected the full American experience.

So that’s how Kala finds herself holding her younger sister’shair as she vomits into a toilet in the bathroom of a home they’ve never been tobefore.  Kala had tried to help Dayamoderate how much she was drinking, but the younger girl had slipped off atsome point to talk to a boy.  By the timeKala had found her sister, she’d had at least two shots and another beer.  It wasn’t long before the quick drinkingcaught up with her, and soon she told Kala she didn’t feel so good.  Knowing where this was going to lead, Kalafound the nearest bathroom.  (Just intime, too.  Daya had barely managed toopen the lid of the toilet before beginning to puke.)  In their haste, they hadn’t closed the doorbehind them.

Daya’s stomach is just starting to calm when two boysstumble into the room, the skinnier of the two looking particularly green.  “Oh, fuck,” he says when he sees the toiletis already in use.  The other boy goes tolead him out of the bathroom, but there’s not enough time.  The first turns to the sink and vomits there.

The broader boy chuckles and pats him on the back.  “Ja, ja,just get it all out.”

Kala notices their accents, wondering if the two of them arealso exchange students.  But then thesounds coming from the sink get to Daya, and Kala’s attention is back toholding her sister’s hair.

---

A few weeks later, it’s Kala and Daya stumbling in on thetwo boys.  The skinnier one’s head is inthe porcelain bowl this time, so Kala directs her sister to a trash can.  The less drunk boy raises his eyebrows atKala.

“Fancy meeting you here again,” he says with a smirk.  (And yes, Kala has heard enough to be sure ofhis accent.  German.)

She sighs, grimacing at her Daya.  “She’s not usually like this,” Kala offersweakly.

The boy chuckles.  “He’salways like this,” he replies.  (From thepuking boy there is a small noise of protest, but it turns into a groan as hisstomach heaves again.)  “Freshman?” heasks her.

Kala nods.  “Firsttime in the US, too.”

The other boy’s smile widens.  “Ah, that explains it.”

She giggles.  “Well,if we’re going to keep meeting each other like this, I may as well know yourname.  I’m Kala.”

“Wolfgang.”  She doesn’tmean to, but her eyebrows raise in surprise. “Yes, really.”  Kala laughs again.

---

The next time Kala sees Wolfgang, she actually manages tofind him outside of a bathroom.  She’sbeen keeping a close eye on Daya at this party, trying to make sure her sisterat least stays hydrated if nothing else. But at some point, she wandered off, and now Kala is wandering aroundsome stranger’s house looking for her.

When Kala turns a corner, she accidentally bumps right intoWolfgang’s back.  His arm is slung overhis skinny friend’s shoulder, and they’re almost too drunk to notice her.  She considers just moving on, but as shewalks past and sees who it is she figures it can’t hurt to say hi.

“Wolfgang?” she asks.

He turns quickly out of his friend’s grip, looking to faceher.  Even through the intoxication, hiseyes light up when they reach Kala’s.  “Hey,”he says, face softening.

“I see your friend is upright tonight,” she offers.  (Kala’s suddenly not sure why she saidanything.  They don’t know each other,and she isn’t even sure what to talk about.)

Wolfgang chuckles. His friend is in the process of shotgunning a beer.  “For now, at least.”  She smiles, then turns to look around her andsee if Daya is anywhere nearby.  “Lookingfor someone?”

Kala nods.  “Daya – mysister – she managed to get away from me. I’ve gotta make sure she doesn’t get completely drunk again.”  At that moment, a loud whoop of laughtercomes from another room.  They both turnto look at where it came from, and Kala winces as she recognizes it as Daya’svoice.  “Nevermind.”

“Need some help?” he asks.

She considers it for a moment, but then looks to Wolfgang’sfriend.  He’s clearly still having a goodtime, and Kala doesn’t want to drag Wolfgang away to babysit a drunk freshman.  She shakes her head.  “No, thank you.  I think I’ve got her.”

---

The semester is almost half over before they actually runinto each other on campus.  Kala has justfinished her chem lab, and after having been there for hours she’s hungry.  She’s standing in line at the cafeteria whentwo familiar figures sidle up behind her. She hears them before seeing them, the skinny one joking and Wolfgang laughingquietly.  She recognizes the accent morethan the voice itself, never really having heard his friend speak much, but she’shappy to have guess correctly when she turns around to see them.  “Wolfgang,” she says with a smile.

“Kala,” he replies, looking a bit surprised to see her.

“Kala?” his friend asks, looking between the two ofthem.  “Did we meet?”

She giggles.  “Sortof.  You were pretty drunk.”

“Oh, right.  Partygirl!” the friend answers.

Kala raises her eyebrow at that.  “I wasn’t the one with his head in a toilet.”

Wolfgang laughs loudly at that.  Felix just grins.  “No, but that other girl was.”

She sighs.  “Mysister.”  The go through the line,ordering their food and getting their trays. When she’s done, she looks out into the cafeteria to see if any of herfriends are in the dining hall.  (Sheusually made plans with them to eat, but her lab had run long that day.)  When Kala doesn’t see anyone familiar, shestarts to make her way to one of the smaller tables, figuring she’ll just eatquickly on her own and go back to her room to start her homework.

Before she gets a chance to sit, though, she hears Wolfgang’sfriend calling behind her.  “Hey, Kala!”  She turns around.  “You gonna just sit alone?”  Wolfgang elbows his friend in the side, butthe question is already out there.

Kala looks around herself and then nods.  “Was that an invitation?” she asks.

The boy shrugs, then looks at Wolfgang for a second.  From where she’s standing, Wolfgang isunreadable, but his friend must be able to see something because he turns backand says, “Sure.  The more the merrier!”

She walks over and joins them as Wolfgang grabs atable.  It’s not much bigger than the oneshe had been planning on sitting at herself, making it clear there isn’tactually any “more” that his friend is referring to aside from Kala.  She sits next to Wolfgang and his friendtakes a chair on the other side.

“I’m Felix, by the way,” he says, already spooning food intohis mouth.

Wolfgang just shakes his head and looks down at his ownfood.  His manners aren’t that muchbetter, but at least he’s not talking with his mouth full.  Kala, on the other hand, is slowly cuttingher food and eating small, clean bites.

Felix mostly talks while Kala and Wolfgang listen.  He’s going on about some party from theprevious weekend, one Kala didn’t go to because she had an exam on Monday.  It’s not a bad story, but she can’t keep hereyes from wandering to Wolfgang.  He ismuch more stoic when sober, but the affection he has for Felix is stillvisible.

She’s pulled out of her thoughts when she hears hername.  “So, Kala,” Felix says.  “What made you decide to study in America?”

Kala puts down her fork, thinking about her answer as sheswallows her bite of food.  “A fewreasons.  Mostly the good chemistryprogram at this school, and they offer a tuition exchange program with one ofthe universities back in Mumbai.”  Shedoesn’t add that as much as she loves her family, she feels like sometimes theylook right through her.  That she wantedto go somewhere that maybe people would see herinstead of what they hoped she could be. “What about you guys?  Did youboth come here together?”

Wolfgang gives Felix a look. It’s not angry, necessarily, but there is something hard to it that Kalacan’t place.  After a moment, Felixcarefully replies, “Yeah, we came together. There’s nothing left for us in Germany.” Kala wants to ask more, but given Wolfgang’s face, she figures this isnot a subject to press.  After a coupleminutes of awkward silence Felix says, “I’m getting dessert.  Anyone want dessert?”

Both Kala and Wolfgang shake their heads no.  Felix shrugs and gets up, and suddenly it’sjust the two of them alone.

“Sorry,” Kala says.

Wolfgang looks at her, an intensity in his eyes.  “For what?”

“If that wasn’t an appropriate question to ask.”

He shakes his head.  “It’sfine.  Felix asked you first.”  Kala shrugs. “He wasn’t lying.  There’s nothingleft for me there.  Don’t worry about it.”

That only makes Kala more curious, but she knows this is himasking her to drop it.  (She barely knowshim, she reminds herself.  He is in no way obligated to explain hispast to me.)  Instead, she decides tomove to safer subjects.  “So what are youmajoring in?”

“Engineering,” Wolfgang says.  “You said you were studying chemistry, right?”

“Technically pre-med, but I hope to go to pharmaceuticalschool,” Kala replies, relaxing.  This,she can talk about easily.  Science sheknows.

“Really?  You want tobe a pharmacist?”

Kala laughs.  “I don’twant to work at the stores, no.  Althoughthat is has its own place, I don’t know if I would want to deal with customersall the time.”  Now Wolfgang islaughing.  “I want to study medicines anddevelop new ones.  Better ones, if I can.”

Wolfgang gives her a soft smile.  A real one, that reaches his eyes.  (She hadn’t realized that so many of hisothers didn’t look quite right until she saw this one.)  “That’s admirable.”  Kala blushes a bit, looking down at herhands.  There is a moment of quiet, butit’s not awkward this time.  When shelooks back up, Wolfgang seems to be deciding something.  “Do you want to get out of here?” he asks.

Kala looks around, seeing Felix standing in line for a pieceof pie.  “What about Felix?”

She turns back to look at Wolfgang, who is already pullingout his phone and typing a message.  “He’llbe fine.  He knows where he can find meif he needs me.”

The pile of homework in her backpack isn’t going to do itself,but Kala can’t seem to bring herself to care. (You don’t know him, part ofher mind says.  You have no idea what he means when he’s talking about Germany.  But she can’t seem to care about that mucheither, now.  Not with the intensitybehind Wolfgang’s eyes.)  “You knowwhat?  Sure.”

“Really?” Wolfgang asks, trying to hide his excitement.

“Yeah.  Let’s get outof here.”

[editorials-of-grace]

Fight the good Fight Right

They say, “when it rains, it pours” I prefer to exaggerate and utilize this hyperbole “when it rains, it floods”. I can sit here and note everything in detail that has gone wrong in the last two months and play the victim, but I refuse. Today, I learned a very valuable lesson about the process in every journey, but first let me take the time to share with you some minimal things I have encountered. This week I was feeling extremely overwhelmed with life and I posted this on my social media

“Planning a wedding, packing, moving halfway across the country, dealing with ANOTHER car accident, having my brand new car crashed, dealing with doctors, chiropractors, specialists, and other medical issues and injuries, dealing with attorneys, trying to diet and exercise, trying not to have a meltdown, having extra work because of short staff, trying to keep my prayer and devotional life on check, maintain a long distance relationship and personal relationships, getting marriage counseling and certificate, studying for exams for a new career. The last two months have not been easy, but I know God is with me and my reward is priceless. I get to be home with my best friend and eat in and out lol. 33 days until I get my sanity back. Living on the wild side; lol”

I found out I have to pay two deductibles totaling 1,000 dollars, one for my vehicle, and another for the rental car. Someone crashed into the rental and stole the license right before I returned the car.”  Yesterday, I also put my two week notice at work.

But let’s focus on the bigger picture.

God!

Instead of asking Him why? I got home and got on my knees to thank Him for everything, even for this process. You see, it doesn't matter where you came from or where you are going, it’s the process that is vital. It’s the journey, the sacrifice, the effort, and all the minimal and bigger things you face: this is part of this process. When I look back at the process of earning my MA degree, I don’t boast in my accomplishment, I humble myself because only I know the tears, the sleepless nights, the two years of no social life, at times mediocre grades, and the times when I thought I was not going to make it, but I would get back up, brush it off and keep striving for the better. I look back at the process and in the same way, I know that with all these things that are occurring in my life right before my union with my husband to be, I will look back and remember the fight I was up against; the fight against the enemy.

Steven Furtick stated in one of his sermons, “When God has purposed for you to do something significant, expect the enemy to send out his special forces”. And let me tell you these past couple of weeks, I have been ill, depressed, unsure, feeling defeated, and feeling like it’s all crashing down.  But today, something revived in me. I REFUSE to let the enemy win, refuse to let him take my joy, refuse to have him take what God has given me: joy, peace, life and the precious gift of true, genuine, and pure love. I know God has great plans for our future, and NOTHING can stop God’s plan not even all these things.   

Now what? I FIGHT! I fight with spiritual tools, I seek God more, pray more, fast, and trust that God is walking with me through the fire every step of the way. What do you do my friend? You pick yourself up and you fight.  

Psalm 57:2 says, “ I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill His purpose for me”.

Even though I will have no job, will be in financial hardship, have no family in Texas, unfamiliar with my surroundings, and married, I go with faith not trusting in my own will but trusting in God’s will. There is nothing that can stand against me because the God of the Most High is with me and with you! 

[thesassygaypandauniverse]

Power Ranger Script VS Final Movie

Hey All,

I came across the 2nd draft of the Power Ranger movie that’s been floating online.  From my knowledge the script is legit, but for all, I know a fan dedicated a lot of time into it, lol.  Anyways, here are the difference, and pardon me on some of the randomnesses of it.

I would say SPOILERS but fuck it.  This is so different it doesn’t count.

Plot:

- Zordon was the original Red Ranger, while Rita was the Black.  Zordon defeats Rita and puts her in like a deep freeze sleep for 20K years.  

- Rita betrayed her team due to Lord Zedd’s Promise of Power.  Side note Lord Zedd pops up on the last page, with the Green Power Coin.  (Hinting at him being the original Green Ranger)

Apparently, there’s this dig that awakens her scepter, and that’s what awakens her.

Goldar was defeated in a battle but was also in a mummified state.  He later gets revived and becomes the very much like the Goldar from the original Mighty Morphin Series.

The dig is very close to finding the Command Center, which is technically a part of a ship.  Which if activated in the right way could fly off the earth.  However, it needs to drain the energy from the earth’s core to power it; hence earth is fucked if Rita succeeds in operating it.

Zordon, who is this alien octopus/jellyfish thing, travels to earth along with alpha 5 to stop Rita.  They crash near Trini’s place, which leads to Jason, Billy, and Trini finding them.  The three freak out and after a kinda bullshit kiddish fight knock out the two and lock them in a truck.

By the way, the three go to school with the aliens in the trunk.  (smh)  Anyways school is let out, b/c all the alien activity knocks out communication in the world.  So cell phones, tech, etc… are useless.  Once the everyone is leaving Zach kinda overhears Trini, Billy, and Jason talk about the alien and follows them.  

The four eventually let Zordon out of the trunk and end up getting their asses handed to them by a pissed off Zordon.  The fight finally ends when Billy apologizes, and Zordon can see that he means it.  

Zordon gives the exposition about the history of the Rangers and explains they need the command center to give off a distress single to their main base so more rangers can show up and stop Rita.  This leads to the group splitting up.  Zordon, Alpha 5, Billy and Zach all go to the command center while Trini and Jason go to a museum to collect Rita’s Scepter.   (Note: At the beginning of the movie all the kids go to their local museum to see the display of “ancient tech” aka the scepter, Goldar, etc… it pretty much reminded me of the beginning museum scene in Scooby Doo 2)

Before they leave, Zordon gives Jason a power coin, which leads to Jason giving Billy a power coin. Two major fights happen at the same time.  Jason fights putties and a revived Goldar at the museum.  Jason kicks the putties ass but ends up losing badly to Goldar.  He ends up getting saved by Trini who nails Goldar with her car.  Jason gets in the car with Rita’s scepter and escapes.  Meanwhile, the Command Center has this security robot that almost kills Billy and Zach.  Billy falls off this walkway and morphs midway through the fall.  We don't see the morph we just see Billy as he recounts his survival.

Kim is like Jason Statham in Spy where he floats in and out, but once she becomes a Ranger, then she becomes a key player.  She actually encounters Rita, Baboo, Squatta, and Scorpiona first.  She meets them outside the police station and either follows them or sneaks onto their “ship”… it was getting kinda boring at this point, and I didn’t want to re-read it.

At the command center, Zordon is trying to build power to send a distress signal, but once he sees that Rita has assembled her group of assholes he then realizes that they’re going to need the Zords.  He sends Jason off to retrieve his in the jungle, but Jason didn't want to go alone and asked Billy to come.  Billy chickens out, and the two have a fight.  Zach defuses the situation by telling them that the earth is in trouble and to knock their shit off.  Zach then steps up and asked to be a Ranger to help.  Jason gives him a coin, and then Zordon sends both Zach and Jason to the Jungle.

There are bits in the jungle, but frankly, you don’t care.  The only thing that comes out of that sequence is the reveal that Zach is the Pink Ranger.

Meanwhile, Zordon is powering the ship and keeping eyes on Rita and her gang.  Rita is trying to find the command center and decides to investigate where Zordon initially landed.  Which is by Trini’s house.  Trini flips her shit and demands that Billy gives her a coin.  He does, and she rushes off.  Zordon’s pissed b/c she could get herself killed, so Billy goes after her.

Trini ends up in a fight with Rita and the gang.  Billy comes to help, and the two get their asses kicked.  Kimberly pops up and saves them by using a taser gun, brass knuckles, and a baton.  Don’t worry it only last for like five seconds, but then Rita beats her.  All three end up getting teleported out (along with Trini’s parents - who are knocked out) back to the command center.  This apparently made shit worse b/c it gave off their location.

Rita and the dickheads all head to the command center to ambush the Rangers.  Billy gives Kimberly a power coin, and they try to hold off the army of putties.  

Jason arrives with Zach in the T-Rex Zord but instead of calling the rest of the Zords.  Jason sees the opportunity to destroy Rita and fails.  Which leads to him getting drained and almost killed.

Zach and Jason are thrown from the Zords, and it’s Trini’s super speed that saves Jason from getting murdered by a sniper bullet.

Kimberly fights like a bad ass but then is teleported out by Billy once he realizes shit’s going south.  In the end, the Rangers lose the fight and the command center and are teleported.  Billy remains behind, and it's due to his suit that he’s able to hide in plain sight.  From there we discovered that the SOS message from Zordon did actually go through, but Rita reveals that all the Rangers are dead and that Lord Zedd is now in charge.   (Apparently, it’s been over 20K years, and this asshole's still alive so… okay….???)

Billy gets ahold of Kim first to tell her the news and the gang take it hard.  However, they realize that if they don’t regroup the world will be destroyed.

(From the actual script)

                                              Jason What’ve we got to lose, that we die twenty minutes before everyone else on the planet? I’m not gonna stand here, waiting for the world to end.  You wanna lose to them?  Really, they’re the ones who take out earth?

The Rangers yell our responses.  Consensus: Dominators suck.

                                             Jason I am not going to let our planet be destroyed by a bitch, a blue baboon, a bug and two rejects from the Muppet Show.

                                            Zach I heard that I want round two.

                                            Kim My cell phone hasn’t worked in over 24 hours, and I am PISSED OFF.

I will say in my opinion the funniest scene happens directly after this.  Which is the gang use Kim's car to get back at the command center.  

(From the actual script)

INT. KIM’S CAR - SHORTLY THEREAFTER

All of the Rangers are awkwardly asked into Kim’s car, driving in tense silence.

                                           Zach SAVING THE WORLD!

The Ranger immediately all start whooping and celebrating.

They only have one shot of using the teleport station, so they hold off using it.   Kim ends up destroying her car as she plows it into a pile of Putties by Jason’s T-Rex Zord.  The group splits up, causing Rita’s dipshit crew to split up as well.  That when Billy uses the teleport to zap everyone into Jason’s Zord.  Billy gets caught by Godar but teleports just in time.

From the T-Rex Zord, Jason summons the Mastodon, Saber Tooth Tiger, Pterodactyl, and Triceratops.  Everyone gets in their Zord and get into a massive fight.  Zach ends up blowing up this alien tech tower thingy that’s stopping all our communications.  Billy and Trini end up destroying this powerful cannon that the command center has.  Jason and Kim finish killing this spider alien ship thingy that Rita has.  (just go with it)

This pisses off Rita, so she makes Goldar grow.  Which BY THE WAY she does not say “Make my monster grow!” now excuse me if you’re throwing in alien spider ships you might as well commit to the cheese factor and put in the infamous fucking line.

The gang realizes that they are fucked, Jason’s red screen soon becomes multi-color, and he knows that shit’s about to go down b/c… that’s right… he activates the Megazord feature.  The group is barely in the Megazord for two minutes before they fuckin split up again.  Billy and Kim go back to the command center to shut shit down.  Scorpiona is trying to sabotage the Megazord on the outside, so Zach exits to fights her.  Jason and Trini end up using the Megazord to fight Goldar.  Jason is having a hard time focusing, due to the mental strain from the ship but soon realizes that Trini can handle it much easier.  He gives up control, and she takes point.  

In the End: Kim fights Rita and hold her own, but doesn’t actually beat her.  Billy stops Rita from activating some switch that would end up killing the earth.  For a second I thought they were gonna kill Billy, but they pussed out and didn’t.  Rita get’s teleported off Earth by Squatta, and baboo once they realize that the Rangers were winning.   Gondar is defeated by Trini and Zach beats Scorpiona.  

Alpha 5 and Zordon who were injured/damaged when Rita first invited the command center are fine, and the Rangers win the day.  People hook up, people say I love you, and everyone is celebrating like it’s 1999.

Cut to months later.. I guess.  I don’t know, but you assume it.  Anyways Trini’s in Harvard turning in her exams, and teleporting from the bathroom to a lake house.  All the rangers are there and have a fun time when Zordon call them saying that Rita is making an attempt to get another ship that was damaged in Tokyo.  The Ranger zoom off to save the day again.  The ending teaser scene is Lord Zedd realizing that Zordon is alive and that he has a power coin that is… wait for it… green.

Boom cut to black and me thanking God that the script is finally over.  I’ll post more differences once my brain reboots.