#long ass vent sorry

[nedpng]

i have something i have been needing to kinda vent abt and this is my private echo chamber bc i have no clout but also i think enough time has passed for me to be able to talk abt it

in sept 2022 my someone i considered my best friend was arrested for a heinous crime. it quite literally changed my life overnight bc this friend and i had what i considered a great life. they were living in their apartment with their gf, their job sucked but it paid amazing, and they were pretty and popular in various community spaces. i was enjoying my life too bc i enjoyed my job in the mountains, loved my coworkers,my family was having a peaceful period, and i was enjoying being single again after my relationship with that one crazy bitch. the queen died that morning (memes were crazy) and i was driving home from work, excited to smoke weed and lay in bed before my weekend started (my job was a 4/10 at a mental health clinic, so i was off fridays+weekends). and then exbesties gf messaged the gc and told us that exbestie was arrested. i immediately messaged the gf, who i call Roomie when i talk abt her on here, to stay put and i drove over to figure out what happened. everything was confusing and there was a lot of information that wasnt lining up. two of our other friends came over and for support and after talking we put the pieces together and realized that whatever exbestie was arrested for… was probably actually true. (in the spring of 2023 they ended up being convicted and found guilty on two counts of … crimes against a minor ☹️)

Roomie n i ended leaning on eachother for a lot of support (i was the bsf and she was the gf). we ended up having romantic feelings for eachother and i honestly struggled with it at first bc i felt like i was betraying my best friend (exbestie is dead to me now). Roomie ended up having a housing crisis bc the income was gone bc exbestie is in jail. we were both having mental health issues and are frankly traumatized by the event. craziness ensued, i lived in that apartment with Roomie for a few months before i had to move us in with my parents (both my parents ended up sick and needing different surgeries and were out of work for months). more chaos bc my parents (dad) are controlling and emotionally abusive. roomie had a mental health crisis and had to be hospitalized for a while last summer. covid hit the house. ive been dealing with untreated pstd. my beloved childhood cat passed away. holidays were tense and sad. i struggled with feeling motivated or hopeful or happy for a long time because of everything.

anyways … currently roomie n i are in love and living with my parents. its not easy and we want to plan to save up and move out again, so we are taking small steps at a time. its hard to feel motivated or have any hope at all, but i love Roomie very much and being with her fills me with happiness and joy and i daydream (with limits) about the day we move out of my parents place and get to be together in our own space and free to live how we want. i have a lot of debt due to my massive manic episode in 2019 but im taking small steps to crawl out of it. anyways

[twitchyglitchy]

What do I have to do to get out of here? Who do I have to beg on my knees to so I can leave?

Get me out of my house

P@yPal: twitchyjayson

Current Goal: $55/$800

[otrtbs]

any chances ppl would be allowed to bind ahb for personal use ??

hiya!!

at the moment, and for the foreseeable future i am saying no. just because there are copies of ahb! circulating around SEVERAL websites and vendors being sold for oodles and oodles of dollars. despite my requests for the sellers to stop.

i have had people (etsy vendors) in the past lie to me and say they've made "too many personal handbound copies and are only selling those extra ones" which ,,, was obviously a lie. also they were getting the copies through lulu and selling them just btw.

i have also had people tell me that they are binding them and selling them to others for personal use but not making profit off of them even though they're selling art heist for over $100 a book. so. yeah. another lie

so, sorry! but yeah!! there's not much i can do about people actually listening to me and respecting my wishes etc etc and lord knows they don't, but i would super appreciate it if we kept ahb! an ao3 exclusive for now!

it just makes me feel slightly better to put more rules and boundaries in place! though it's never stopped people in this fandom from bulldozing right through those anyway :/

[puppyeared]

adhd comix

[angie-long-legs]

//for my birthday this year I am having a pity party <3

I do NOT wanna go to my parents tomorrow I do NOT wanna spend my actual birthday on sunday home alone cleaning my flat I do NOT wanna deal with my graduation which I've probably missed the date to sign up for anyway and I don't wanna speak to my landlord about my broken washing machine. my mum said for my birthday present she'd book me a ticket to a drag show at a local festival and keeps asking me pick one to go to and as much as I appreciate the sentiment I just don't wanna do anything. I legit keep forgetting it's gonna be my birthday, at pole the instructor asked if I was doing anything at the weekend and I was like nah lol and my sister was like ??? girl it's your birthday?? I honestly don't know HOW I made it through pole this week, I was so anxious it was making me teary and I almost tapped out so many times. straight up cried while I was walking to the bus stop which was embarassingggg like can't it wait til I'm at least HOME 😭 I promised my gf it was fine that she missed my birthday this year but things have been so horrible and tragic and it's been so shitty going through this without her. I know if I asked her to she'd come back but I don't wanna ruin her holiday or make things difficult. this is just not very brat summer OR leo season tbh guys!!! how do I postpone having a birthday 🤪

[desnas]

it is literally infuriating wanting desperately to be able to draw. i've had an itch to create and illustrate for the past three weeks and i can't even do it because of how excruciating this wrist pain has become

[tariah23]

Crying tears of blood

[aiteanngaelach]

is it weird for a guy that used to have a crush on you but then found out you only like girls to follow you around join all your friend groups start working where you work join all your hobbies and groups decide to do the same course as you (even though he has literally no reason to do that course) call you ????fanny-licker (he's bisexual so its not outright homophobia except it is kind of) tell you 'you talk too much' when you talk for five minutes about your interests (when you have been listening to him talk for HOURS about his interests for the past two years) act really weird about you being transmasculine and make uncomfortable comments about binding and your ??tits?? and then disregard your boundaries again when you tell him you don't want him to keep apologizing (which he is only doing so you'll tell him it's ok) after you've told him to move on be really rude about your sister having a seizure and getting hospitalized and you thinking she had died and not asking once how she was ... Etc. Asking for a friend 😬

[anemptypuddingcup]

Ima be honest. I’ve been feeling horrible.

I’ve been having a bit of shoulder pain and it’s irking me because I’m afraid it’s gonna get worse.

Though it’s not as bad at it when when I had gotten sick like a few years ago so I don’t know.

I need to get right though. I’m tired of sleeping in the day and not getting shit done. I’m supposed to be writing for y’all and posting art others on insta.

Really, I’m just fucking tired of myself and need to get out more and do something.

I need to be more productive and get my ass up.

I’m never taking a break from tumblr though, my passion for writing practically leaks out of my brain every hour of the day.

[chiistarri]

what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

[graciousdragon]

*walks in, covered in ash and emanating smoke, like a Looney Tunes character after surviving an explosion* hey guys i'm back

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Ah manic energy making me seem productive for a few days before a shitty mental health crash, I’d hoped you were dead

[birdinabowl]

long term effects of Covid actually are ass

[stardust-sunset]

i saw a poll a week ago that asked what the worst sickness induced feeling is

it’s sore throat. 100%.

[omside]

I don’t write fanfic so maybe I’m missing something but why are all the twisted wonderland fanfics virtually entirely canon compliant? Especially for long fics where it’s just the game verbatim forcing any possible readers to reread something they’ve already read, and it’s even more disappointing when the description and tags make it sound like the author has such an amazing idea only to open it and find I’m gonna have to slog through the games plot again because it’s entirely canon compliant down to the random combat that’s only there to pace the player, idk I just wanna see how different versions of yuu would alter the plot if they were able to have agency beyond what is seen in the game and if I were a writer I feel like that’s one of the first things I’d wanna do

[lottieratworld]

man ive been fucking up real bad lately