#looking deep inside myself and revealing only fright

[hasaniwalker]

A word about Alice

“Have you seen that evil Alice in Wonderland game at best buy?”

That was how I was introduced to it. A game that would stay with me for years after. I had no idea what the person was talking about at my high school in the A.V. room. I was there frequently, editing my first stop motion film (An adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s the Raven).  They told me she had a knife and there was a thin cat next to her. I was intrigued and the next time I was at best buy I wandered to the Computer Game department and found the box.

That’s when I was introduced to American McGee's Alice.

I feel like I should mention, I was not and still am not really a PC gamer. I do console games mostly and reserve my computer for animation and editing. This game however, I needed to play it.  I was gripped by the image. The stark red background. The haunting stare of the character. the hand on the knife. It was unapologetically dark and I was obsessed. 

I went online wanting to learn more. It was early 2000 and my home internet was still dial up. I still recall going online to the Alice website and finding a countdown page. It was a music box, a child singing in the background, a terribly broken  tune looping as the box threatened to open. It was haunting and perfect.  I’d come home from school and for the short moment while I was the only one there, I’d go to the site and let that strange tune play though the house. At the end of the countdown, the box opened to reveal a decaying baby doll head (All of this is from memory and may be distorted by time. I unfortunately can’t find any images of the countdown page.) It stirred something in me to see that page come to life. It was the early days of internet. The time of MySpace. So the site was crude by today’s standards, but it was the most amazing thing to me at the time.

I’d leave it open on one of the computers while I was in A.V. at school. friends would come and we’d watch Alice move (sitting up from her seat, marveling at her blade, dusting off her dress.)

And of course, take time to show anyone the trailer.

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I remember this time of being a teenager entering adulthood, feeling misunderstood, anxious, scared, and losing myself in the music of Garbage, Poe and Crystal Method. Alice fit right in to the aesthetic of everything I saw at the time.  If Wednesday was the goth friend saying and liking macabre things, Alice was the older teen sister angry with the world and ready to scream at it with you. She was grunge, she was dark, she was frightening and wonderful.

I couldn’t afford the game, but I could afford the soundtrack. I ordered it from Amazon. A site that was also in it’s early days at the time. I hadn’t ordered much form the site, but I needed this.

I’ll always remember when the email alert came. My package had been delivered. There was a storm that day. I lived in Phoenix Arizona, and when we have storms it looks like the world is ending. The sky was dark, the thunder was loud. You had to get inside. I came home and went to the mailbox. The CD shape of the package nearly made my heart stop. I knew what it was, but holding it felt like an achievement.  I listened to that music daily.

Now, so you know, I didn’t just admire this game from afar. I did get the game for my birthday one year. I had talked about it so much that it was almost certain my mom would remember. It was the first computer game I owned. I was terrible at using a keyboard for games and couldn’t get through the first few levels without a huge amount of struggle. It was a lot of getting used to and I loved it.  

From the opening cinematic, the menu screen, the sound of the bell when you start the game. It was exactly what I wanted.

At the time I couldn’t think of another game like Alice. It felt tailored made from people with my mindset. A frightful game with a deep story and a character I immediately identified with. At a time where games had very action oriented goals, Alice gave a backstory of an asylum even coming with a patient log for Alice. All of it detailing the terrible fire, her mental state, and the struggle she was going through.

The best part of this was that I wasn’t alone in my admiration for this story. You could walk into Hot Topic and Tower Records and be greeted by large Alice statues modeled from the box art that captured my imagination from the start.

I wanted to see more of this character. I dreamed of seeing a movie someday.

And it almost seemed like I would get my wish.

There was news that a film was being developed of Alice with Wes Craven directing and possibly Natalie Portman or Sarah Michelle Gellar playing Alice. part of me hoped for an animated film with the original voices, but I was still gripped by this news.

At the time, I didn’t consider myself a horror person (feels weird to write that now since I think I’ve always really been one). I didn’t really seek out horror films and avoided gore. But I wanted Alice to by a disturbing and imaginative experience. I wanted to be scared watching this while feeling for the main protagonist and wanting her to reclaim her mind.

In a world where this film went the way I hoped, people would have movie nights today of Midsommar, Pearl and Alice. It would be a film that would take you somewhere you were afraid to go, but couldn’t look away from.

But then...I heard the movie wasn’t happening...and news of Alice stopped.

I never stopped thinking about that macabre girl and her journey through a tattered land of her mind. I listened to the music, revisited the game and also drew her now and then. lines from the game even made it into my typical dialogue (”Promise only what you can deliver” wise words).

I also still dreamed of seeing a film someday and would imagine who would play Alice (for a while I kept seeing Emma Watson as the character, but also still like the idea of an animated Alice.)

Then, one day, watching Attack of the Show on G4. I saw the most unexpected image.

Alice was coming back, and this time she would be on consoles.

The thrill was back, and as soon as a trailer came out, I immediately shared it with everyone.

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I was quick to buy the game when it came out, and it was wilder than I could have hoped. A gripping story with tragedy, beautiful animations and moments that sent a chill through me. The kind of chills that made me pause the game and take in what I was seeing. The sight of a monstrous train rampaging through wonderland was a gift. The way Alice’s mind would unravel things was mesmerizing. Seeing life in London through her eyes and getting more of the history of the character (and the twist of the Red Queen’s identity) it was perhaps the only game that really pulled me in fully. I love games like the Arkham series, Bioshock, Horizon, Silent Hill, and so on. Alice to me felt like something more. I wasn’t trying to save a city or save someone, I was playing to help retain someone’s sanity.

The fascination with this character and world was just as alive as when I first saw all of it. I bought the art of book and still go through it and use it as a bit of inspiration if I have a creativity block.

 I carried my love for the character all the way to my work in animation and even built a stop motion puppet while I was working on Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio film. A character who I was so taken by in high school now stood on my desk.

All this is to say that this take on Alice Liddell and her fantasy world has had a great influence on me. I was prepared to continue following this story and I hoped to someday see her find her way to the big screen and have a final story where she would come to peace with what happened to her.

The news that the tale of Alice is not going to continue is devastating. It’s troubling to see so many stories be brought to an abrupt end. for finales to never be given and answers to questions to be lost forever. 

There are a lot of stories that I believe deserve to be told, but we’re constantly given entertainment that’s simple, easily digestible, with nothing to say except to reference nostalgia and trend online. It’s hard to find something that you can connect with. Something that you need a moment to think about after you’ve seen it. Something that gets you emotionally. These things are found mostly in the passion projects of creatives. The projects they pour so much into and want to present to the world.  The projects that are not just made with earnings in mind, but also how you’ll connect to the audience. I think these projects are important. They push us to look further in and to question how we connect and interact with a story.

Too easily these types of ideas are thrown aside now and it’s harder for anyone to finish the tale they wanted to present to the world if it doesn’t fit with what a studio algorithm says. It may be a dark time to be a creative right now, but I’ll remember the stories that I connected with. The ones that hit an emotional part of me and made me stop and think about a new perspective on life, fear, depression, joy and how I connect to these things.

Thank you American Mcgee and the Alice team for taking me and many others through a Wonderland that reached into our very soul. 

[real-british-empire]

Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free, and

Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night

You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change, and it all would fade to black

Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know?

Can I take another step? I've done everything I can All the people that I see, they will never understand If I find a way to change, if I step into the light Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white

Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free, and

Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night

You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change, and it all would fade to black

Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting, am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know?

This time you're not hurting me! This time I will take a stand! All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright

If I make another move, if I take another step Then it would all fall apart, there'd be nothing of me left If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?

Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see, I've forgotten if I can If I open up my eyes, there'll be no more going back 'Cause I'll throw it all away, and it all will fade to black

So I'm back here once again, so I'm back here once again Can I ever make a change? Will my heart begin to mend? Would you love me if I go? It feels like a heart attack But still everything's the same, and it all just fades to black /lyr

Did

Did you just bad apple my inbox?

[alitheakorogane]

My SAGAU Playlist (Imposter AU) - PART ONE

When I read stories, I usually think of corresponding songs that could fit with the story.

When I had fallen into the world of SAGAU recently, songs that fit the concept of the Imposter and Villain AU suddenly appeared in my mind.

Here are some of them:

Even though the actual meaning of the song is disturbing, Mind Brand (MARETU), especially the first chorus, perfectly echoes the real Creator's emotions as they remembered how Teyvat's citizens harshly treated them when they were branded as the "Imposter", and was killed by the Archons' hands. Now they are out for revenge, damning them to the Abyss. This is the first chorus from JubyPhonic's English version:

Though I shouldn’t care, I couldn’t wait to finally see them all in hell... (I’ll drag them as we crawl) Ah, doing it right, feeling that high, taking what’s mine And I feel just fine! You took it all away so now this hero cries in pain! Holding you tight, fighting all night, telling me why But I can’t rewrite, The memories I made of you and me, won’t go away! WELCOME TO THE MIND F**K!

The famous Bad Apple (Alstroemeria Records), especially the extended version, also fits the category. The parts of the song, especially the English version, actually tell the deep thoughts of the Creator from the day they were hunted to the day they took revenge.

The extended version of the song perfectly portrays the SAGAU Villain AU, especially with these lines:

This time you're not hurting me! This time I will take a stand! All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan... Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright!

This part of the song Hayloft 2 (Mother Mother) activated the animation meme love in me, and had the urge to make a SAGAU version of this:

An eye for an eye, a leg for a leg A shot in the heart doesn't make it unbreak She really didn't wanna make it messy She really, really didn't, but the girl gone cray!

According to the lead vocalist, Enemy (Imagine Dragons) is "about reconciling internal conflict in a world where sometimes it feels impossible to trust even yourself." In a nutshell, this song is a battle cry of one voice against the world. Seems familiar, you say?

Well, in SAGAU Imposter AU, it's impossible to trust anyone, even themselves... when the fake Creator looks and sounds like them. They can't trust anybody in this AU when the people the Creator had trusted could backstab and execute them if they lower their guard down.

Tell you you're the greatest But once you turn, they hate us... Oh, the misery, Everybody wants to be my enemy! Spare the sympathy, Everybody wants to be my enemy-y-y-y-y! (Look out for yourself!) My enemy-y-y-y-y (Look, look, look, look)! (Look out for yourself!) But I'm ready...

Have you seen the MV of Dernière Danse (Indila)? It's a French song with its title meaning "last dance", but according to some, it was a song about pain. In the song, Indila tells the story of a young foreigner who fights racism every day and about the pain she may feel. In the MV, the protagonist (Indila) looks like a desperate girl who was walking around the metro after being kicked out and shunned by everyone, and there looks like an apocalypse coming in Paris. She realized in the middle of the song that she was the cause of it and sacrificed herself to stop it. In this way, she rebels against the whole world and shows her strength.

I like to listen to this song when SAGAU fics now narrate on the events of the real Creator going to be executed by the Archons while the people start cheering for the death of the 'imposter' (who was the real Creator). Especially at this part of the song where there was a chorus of voices singing along with the main singer:

In this sweet pain,  Of which I have paid all the offenses Listen how big my heart is I am a child of the world... I move the sky, day, night I dance with the wind, the rain... A little love, a bit of honey And I dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance!

[doodlingcrayon]

This time you're not hurting me! This time I will take a stand! All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright

🌹

[taravangians-storming-balls]

Help me settle a score

Lyrics under cut:

Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free and Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change and it all would fade to black Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know? Can I take another step? I've done everything I can All the people that I see, they will never understand If I find a way to change, if I step into the light Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free and Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change and it all would fade to black Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting, am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know? This time you're not hurting me! This time I will take a stand! All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright If I make another move, if I take another step Then it would all fall apart, there'd be nothing of me left If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white? Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see, I've forgotten if I can If I open up my eyes, there'll be no more going back 'Cause I'll throw it all away and it all will fade to black So I'm back here once again, so I'm back here once again Can I ever make a change? Will my heart begin to mend? Would you love me if I go? It feels like a heart attack But still everything's the same and it all just fades to black

[mingahyeon]

Let me tell you my worst nightmare.

Every single day at school, I'd see a love letter inside my locker, it would always be a pink note with hearts drew all over it. It was unexpected since I was just a person that had no special features nor did I have an interesting personality, to think to myself.

The first few notes were extremely timid, as if the person writing the love letters were still hesitating to try and connect with the person, who was me.

Sometimes they would slip in a gift inside my locker alongside the note, surprisingly there was a time where they gave me the snack that I ate all the time. Although I was bewildered by this, I decided to shrug it off for a while since I didn't want to judge the person and so on.

As weeks go on, the writings sounded more...spine-chilling.

"I hope you slept well last night, I couldn't bear seeing you sad :("

It came with a picture of me, crying. My eyes widen in fright, seeing myself and finding out that this person wasn't just having a normal crush, but an obsession.

It looked like from a point-of-view of video camera, then I suddenly remembered.

"Could it be they watched me through my webcam?"

I gulp, looking all around me catiously, my whole entire body shaking in intense fear.

I rip both the picture and the note itself, feeling tears forming on my eyes, the anxiety that I was experiencing was unexplainable.

After the whole curriculum for the day, I decided not to walk home for now, since I just found out that someone was obviously stalking me.

Before I could do so, a classmate of mine approached and offered me to walk home with them. This was the first time that someone asked me to walk with them, so I couldn't pass the opportunity.

In a while, I finally got home safely, or did I?

The next day, I once again checked my locker with the hopes of not finding another love letter inside, and to my surprise, there wasn't.

I sigh in relief, patting my chest hoping they already gave up and stopped. But god was I wrong.

I walked in my class, and everyone was gossiping about something to each other.

I sat on my desk, my eyes observing the whole class.

They were talking about someone getting murdered, and it was the person I walked with yesterday. Specifically, 9:23 pm.

My heart dropped at their words, fear growing rapidly once again.

"Were they...following us?"

The school day ends, as I was at home, laying down my bed contemplating about the messed up things that was happening to me. Many questions came up to my mind.

"How did they feel those intense emotions towards me?"

"What happened to them before that made them like this"

And especially "Please don't tell me they killed them.."

Deep in my train of thoughts, I quickly snapped out of it as soon as I received an unknown phone call.

Hesitating to answer it, I wondered for a while, thinking what would happen if I did. But to my curiosity, I ended up answering it.

"Hello?" I shakily spoke, the line was silent for a little while not until a voice came up.

"Look outside the window." The voice was extremely deep, making it sound almost unidentifiable.

Those words, I knew it was the person that was stalking me, but I didn't know them, not yet.

"No." I tried to toughen up myself and build up some courage. Sooner, I heard a sinister laugh.

"I was just joking, I'm already in front of your room." The voice sounded like it was eager, perhaps dark.

Shockingly, the door burst open, revealing the person with a black hoodie on.

"What the.." I fall to the ground, my eyes narrowing at their sight.

The person then pulls out a small knife, approaching closer to me.

"I love you so much." There was no hint of love nor care in their words, but only obsession.

They crouched near my level, a smirk forming on their lips as they saw my fearful expression.

"Very much." They laughed maniacally, as sooner their expression was full of contempt.

I felt my chest tightening, feeling the blade now touch my neck.

I shut my eyes tightly, ready to accept my fate.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Dunno about anyone but the song Bad Apple!! Gives me the vibe of a pinning sherlock struggling with his feelings...idk I have no one else to talk about Johnlock stuff irl lol

Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free and

Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night

You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change and it all would fade to black

Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know?

Can I take another step? I've done everything I can All the people that I see, they will never understand If I find a way to change, if I step into the light Then I'll never be the same and it all will fade to white

Ever on and on I continue circling With nothing but my hate In a carousel of agony 'Til slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't Break free, I'm

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and a paralyzing agony To tell me who I am! Who I was! Uncertainty enveloping my mind 'Til I can't break free and

Maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, all the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night

You could tell me what to say, you could tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'll be no more turning back Because everything would change and it all would fade to black

Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting, am I sad? Should I stay or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know?

This time you're not hurting me! This time I will take a stand! All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself, and revealing only fright

If I make another move, if I take another step Then it would all fall apart, there'd be nothing of me left If I'm crying in the wind, if I'm crying in the night Will there ever be a way? Will my heart return to white?

Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see, I've forgotten if I can If I open up my eyes, there'll be no more going back 'Cause I'll throw it all away and it all will fade to black

So I'm back here once again, so I'm back here once again Can I ever make a change? Will my heart begin to mend? Would you love me if I go? It feels like a heart attack But still everything's the same and it all just fades to black

[Lyrics from MusixMatch]

Hey Lovely!

Ah, you didn’t give me an artist, but this was the first result google gave me and DAMN WHAT A FUCKING BANGER!!!!!!!!! This is a GREAT song!!! I LOVE catchy dance music like this, and, even if it’s the wrong song, this one REALLY feels like Sherlock to me. I love it SO much. Thank you for adding it!!

🎶 LISTEN TO THE JOHNLOCK PLAYLIST ON [SPOTIFY] & [YOUTUBE] 🎶

[dogbound1128]

Yo [Fictional Character(s) who Suffered] said Ever on and on I continue circling with nothing but my hate and the carousel of agony till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing and suddenly I see that I can't break free I’m slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony to tell me who I am who I was uncertainty enveloping my mind till I can't break free and maybe it's a dream maybe nothing else is real but it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel so I’m tired of all the pain all the misery inside and I wish I could live feeling nothing but the night you could tell me what to say you could tell me where to go but I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know if I make another move there'll be no more turning back because everything would change and it all would fade to black will tomorrow ever come will I make it through the night will there ever be a place for the broken in the light am I hurting am I sad should I stay or should I go I’ve forgotten how to tell did I ever even know can I take another step I’ve done everything I can all the people that I see they will never understand if I find a way to change if I step into the light then I’ll never be the same and it all will fade to white ever on and on I continue circling with nothing but my hate and the carousel of agony till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing and suddenly I see that I can't break free I’m slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity with nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony to tell me who I am who I was uncertainty enveloping my mind till I can't break free and maybe it's a dream maybe nothing else is real but it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel so I’m tired of all the pain all the misery inside and I wish I could live feeling nothing but the night you could tell me what to say you could tell me where to go but I doubt that I would care and my heart would never know if I make another move there'll be no more turning back because everything would change and it all would fade to black will tomorrow ever come will I make it through the night will there ever be a place for the broken in the light am I hurting am I sad should I stay or should I go I’ve forgotten how to tell did I ever even know this time you're not hurting me this time I will take a stand all the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan standing lonely in the night with the darkness by my side looking deep inside myself and revealing only fright if I make another move if I take another step then it would all fall apart there'd be nothing of me left if I’m crying in the wind if I’m crying in the night will there ever be a way will my heart return to white can you tell me who you are can you tell me where I am I’ve forgotten how to see I’ve forgotten if I can if I open up my eyes there'll be no more going back cause I’ll throw it all away and it all will fade to black so I’m back here once again so I’m back here once again can I ever make a change will my heart begin to mend would you love me if I go it feels like a heart attack but still everything's the same and it all just fades to black

(tag this with your fictional character(s) who suffered if you want lol)

[deepglitterfire]

Ever on and on, I continue circling With nothing but my hate in a carousel of agony Till slowly I forget and my heart starts vanishing And suddenly I see that I can't break free, I'm

Slipping through the cracks of a dark eternity With nothing but my pain and the paralyzing agony To tell me who I am, who I was, uncertainty Enveloping my mind till I can't break free And maybe it's a dream, maybe nothing else is real But it wouldn't mean a thing if I told you how I feel So I'm tired of all the pain, of the misery inside And I wish that I could live feeling nothing but the night

You can tell me what to say, you can tell me where to go But I doubt that I would care, and my heart would never know If I make another move, there'd be no more turning back Because everything would change and all will fade to black Will tomorrow ever come? Will I make it through the night? Will there ever be a place for the broken in the light? Am I hurting? Am I sad? Should I stay, or should I go? I've forgotten how to tell, did I ever even know? Can I take another step? I've done everything I can All the people that I see, they will never understand If I find a way to change, if I step into the light Then I'll never be the same, and it all will fade to white This time you're not hurting me, this time I will take a stand All the hatred in my eyes building up an evil plan Standing lonely in the night, with the darkness by my side Looking deep inside myself and revealing only fright

If I make another move, If I take another step Then it all would fall apart, There'd be nothing of me left If I'm crying in the wind, If I'm crying in the night Will there ever be away? Will my heart return to white?

Can you tell me who you are? Can you tell me where I am? I've forgotten how to see, I've forgotten if I can If I opened up my eyes, there'd be no more going back 'Cause I'd throw it all away, and it all will fade to black So I'm back here once again, so I'm back here once again Can I ever make a change? Will my heart begin to mend? Would you love me if I go, it feels like a heart attack But still everything's the same, and it all just fades to black

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Guts would scream sing to bad apple

[saintedbythestorm]

Since I failed to just stay angry today I will share this song with just hits so damn spot on..

[crescentblossom66]

Dead Bird Metro: The Tale of two Girls Chapter 4

“Why can't I drive?” Bow crossed her arms and pouted.

“We really don't need anymore attention on us, sorry can't let you take the wheel.” Bow rolled her eyes at the comment from Martin, and resigned herself to looking out the window. They were on the way to the shopping district, which had quite a few patrol cars.

“So, are you sure that you can leave Dave and the others with the difficult task of distracting the cops?” She looked over at her mentor, who was tapping his foot to the rhythm of the music that was playing oddly quietly today.

“I know where you're coming from, darling, but trust me, if there is one thing they're good at it's driving around without any plan whatsoever.” He knew what Bow meant, sometimes his penguins were a bit...scatterbrained to say the least, it was hard work to keep them all organized and focused.

“Boss, so how are we going to do this?” The tall penguin took a deep sigh and pushed up his shades to rub his eyes. He had gone in depth about the plan at their base. How could he have forgotten it all already? Bow just looked at him with a strange mix of pity and smugness as she giggled into her fist.

“Lemme try. Okay, listen, we're gonna split into two groups, dude. The first one is Jackson and our main man Sizzleface-” (They called him that because he once tripped with a cup of coffee, which burnt his face a bit.) “- They are gonna give the kitties in the front of building a nice whack on the head. You with me so far, my dude?”

“So far I'm picking up what you're putting down, sis.” The DJ was a bit bewildered as he silently followed the strange interaction between the girl and Martin.

“Right on, dude! After that the boss, you and I will chill our way over to the bling bling and gather it all up, while they stand watch and give us a call if things go south in the hood. Quick in and out, real smooth, catch my drift?”

“Aight, I get it now.” Martin slowly nodded and a moment later they could see the bright lights of the shopping district through the windshield.

“I only understood half of what you told him, darling, but I'm glad that that's sorted out.” The DJ looked a bit stressed, Bow wondered if he was just anxious that the plan would work, or if something else was bothering him.

“Are you alright? You're not shinning bright, It's giving me a fright, this ain't right.” Bow's attempt to cheer the gang leader up weren't in vain as the music-loving bird let out a chuckle and started to smile again.

“Who taught you how to do that, darling, that was lovely.”

“I taught myself!” Bow winked with a smile before concentrating on the plan again. As soon as they were in there, she knew they had to act fast, if the police caught wind of their plan, this would all end in catastrophe.

They parked the car in the alley, far enough away to not be spotted easily and close enough to reach it for a quick getaway.

They went to the backdoor and encountered their first obstacle in form of a steel door connected to a panel that required a four-digit code. Bow's eyes immediately went to the window, maybe they could just break it and enter that way, she shot that idea down fast, that would make waaaay too much noise.

“Done!” Bow watched in awe as the door simply opened, and the DJ entered. “Did you think that all I do is dance, darling?” Bow clapped quietly before following him slowly. The tall penguin stopped her right before she took a step onto the floor.

“Martin, you brought the little bag that I had given you before we left, right, darling?” The smaller penguin reached into the inside pocket of his black jacket and revealed.....a bag of flour? Bow looked at the black and white bird in confusion.

“I thought we were here to steal jewels or something, not bake a cake.” Bow whispered with a hint of sarcasm, that the tall penguin simply ignored, instead he opened the bag and let the small particles fall to the floor there they revealed a bunch of laser beams.

“You understand now, do you?” The girl nodded and looked around the room some more, she spotted the little machine that was casting those lasers on the opposite side of the room, and decided that it was her time to shine.

“Leave this to me!” Bow went back a few steps and then took a running jump over to a small, empty jewelry case, from there, she needed to climb up a large display case, which took some effort as she had to pull herself up to get on top of it. She was about halfway across the room now and the only things left to jump to without touching the ground were some crates, which were quite far away, and she didn't have the space for a running start this time. The DJ got a bit worried as she hesitated.

“Is everything okay, darling?” Bow turned around and gave him a thumbs up.

“Yeah, it just a really tense game of the floor is lava, I'm almost there.” So she took a leap of faith, hoping that she could jump far enough to reach the wooden crates. Her heart almost stopped as she barely landed on the boxes and lost her balance, she instinctively reached for an object to help her, and thankfully managed to grab a roll of wallpaper. The gang leader released a deep breath he didn't even know he had been holding and walked over to Bow after she switched the device off and the floor became passable.

“Alright, so far so good, now for the real challenge.” Once again the tall penguin easily cracked the code for the last door and they could enter the main room still mostly unobstructed. This time Bow waited in the doorway to make sure not to trigger any traps. Martin trailed behind them, making sure not to touch anything as he went, even though some of the jewels in the display cases were very tempting.

“Even more lasers, I kind of expected more...variety.” The problem the DJ found was that this time the lasers weren't just on the ground they were strung throughout the whole room, floor to ceiling. Bow looked at the lasers for a moment and figured that she had to make her way as she went, she grabbed the flour from Martin and jumped over the first laser, simultaneously ducking to not trigger the laser just above her head.

“Come on, sis, you got it!” Bow smiled at the encouragement and proceeded to throw more of the flour in front of her to check for more beams. She had to dive through a tiny gap and then crawl flat on the ground to not trigger the security system, all the while the two penguins watched in awe and held their breaths after every successful maneuver of the young girl.

When she reached the other side she deactivated the alarm system and struck a pose, “Tada!”. She returned the bag of flour back to the Martin and proceeded to break the cases one by one.

“Good work, darling. We couldn't have made it without you.”, DJ Grooves smiled at her warmly as she placed numerous jewels into the bag he was holding.

What none of them realized was that one of the cases had a motion detector, which was not disabled by the panel Bow had deactivated.

One of the penguins burst through the, now safe to trespass, front door and yelled: “We gotta move, man, they're onto us.” Bow sped up what she was doing and was about ready to leave then a police car showed up and two crows jumped out and made their way to the entrance. Martin opened the bag with flour and slammed it on the ground like a makeshift smoke bomb.

“Boss, Bow, run we'll stop them!” Bow was about to protest, but the star shades-wearing penguin just grabbed her arm. They bolted through the backdoor and out onto the streets.

“We can't just leave them behind, we have to do something!”

“There's noting we can do now, Bow. We owe the success of this mission to them.” His face was scrunched up, it looked like it was just as painful for him as it was for Bow.

As they made their way back to the car they could hear the blaring of more police sirens, Bow hoped that the other penguins were alright at least. Both sneaked back, hiding in the shadows of the back alleys.

“There they are! Thought you could just escape like that, eh?” Bow got the small curved dagger out of her jacket, looking around to see just how many adversaries she had to deal with. It appeared to be a group of three cats, each armed with a sharp object ranging from sharp claws to a pocket knife. Great, now they had to deal with those idiots AND evade the police at the same time!

The penguin quickly shoved the key for the car and the bag into Bow's hand and leaned down, whispering into her ear, “Run ahead and get the car, darling, I handle this.” Bow nodded and started to sprint off toward the car. The penguin reached into the pocket of his dark jacket, the neon blue sleeve cuffs and the star pattern on it shinning brightly as he drew his knife. The cats, now seeing that he was armed, decided to try and surround their target.

Bow ran as fast as her legs could carry her, she looked over her shoulder and saw the cats attacking her mentor right before she routed the corner and to her horror spotted more cats down the alley, she had just turned away from. She contemplated fighting them off, but if that took too long the police would find and arrest both her and the DJ. She had to get to the car before the cats could get to him, she knew that he could hold himself quite well in a fight, however around 10 cats were too many, even for him.

He quickly turned to face who he considered the most dangerous of the three felines that were targeting him, being that he was the only one that had a dagger. He kept the other two cat's position in mind though, as they were circling him, waiting for an opportune moment to attack. He clashed weapons with the dagger wielding cat and gracefully dodged the attack from the smaller cat, who tried to stab him with his pocket knife. He realized that the unarmed cat was now behind him and so he spun around and cut the cat across the chest.

The one with the dagger used this small window of time to attack, but found his attack intercepted yet again, however his brethren succeeded where he had failed an dug the pocket knife into the side of their enemy making him grunt in pain. More cats made came from the rooftops and down the street. Where was the little darling? This was turning from a barely manageable situation into a downright abysmal one.

“How much do you think we get for killing the leader of the Penguiads?” The smaller cat asked the one with the dagger.

“I dunno, but a promotion is definitely in it.” Now he was completely surrounded by at least 15 cats. No way would he be able to take on this many, however he would take out as many of them as he could. He glared at the black cats in front of him defiantly, not showing even a hint of fear.

“All you'll be getting is an undignified end, darling.” The cats around him started to snicker and cackle, until a sharp screeching noise turned their attention down the dark road.

Never was he happier to hear the tormented screaming of the tires that resounded whenever Bow decided to put the pedal to the metal, and a moment later he could see the bright headlights of their vehicle.

“Out of the way, I have to to pick up a VIP!” Bow hollered at the cats, who had to jump out the way of the speeding car, which stopped harshly right next to the penguin. “Took a bit longer, I couldn't get the car to start.” The penguin quickly jumped in, waving at the bewildered cats who just stared at them, wondering what the heck just happened. Before they got their bearings, Bow stomped on the gas, leaving them behind in a cloud of smoke.

Bow made sure to take a long way back to HQ, just to make sure that they wouldn't be followed. Both were finally able to take a breather when they returned, but weren't prepared for the news, after Dave arrived with the rest of the distraction crew that had made it out.

“I-I just lost contact with the other three cars, and then I was on the way back Marcus and the peeps that were with him were the only ones that made it out.” Dave told them, as they came into the backroom to report back.

“Where is Marcus now, Dave?” The questioned penguin cast his eyes to the floor, the anguish was visible in his eyes as his shades slipped forward a little.

“I...I'm gonna go and get him, boss, but he's...not in the best condition right now.” Bow wondered what he meant with that and was shocked and sad when she laid eyes on the trembling and traumatized bird that entered the room with slow, uneasy steps a few minutes later.

“Oh dear.-” Dave really wasn't joking, the bird looked horrible, the tall penguin observed. “-Come, sit down for a bit, darling” Bow decided to offer the shaking penguin the tea she had brewed a few minutes earlier after he sat down.

“W-What happened?” Her curiosity got the better of her, something terrible must have happened to leave him in such a state. Marcus hesitated for a moment watching the surface of the water in his tea cup.

“They killed them, all of them.-” He whimpered in a broken voice, “I just managed to escape with the others, it was a wild chase, and somehow we ended up in the heart of the shopping district controlled by the cats. Then, out of nowhere, missiles were launched at us, I-I still have no idea how I managed to evade all of them.-” The penguin pulled down his shades, wiping the tears out of his eyes. Meanwhile Bow and DJ Grooves were silent and just listened to the horror story. “-I could see two of our cars explode in the rear view mirror. One of ours was driving next to me, and...and it exploded right then and there...-” His voice turned into sobbing as he continued, “-they died right next to me...There was nothing I could do.” Bow's eyes turned blurry, she didn't even realize that she had started to cry.

The tall penguin drew a deep breath, and put a flipper on the shoulder of his subordinate, “Go get some rest, darling. We're all there for you and the others. I'll find a way to get rid of our enemies, I promise.” It was all he could say to the disturbed penguin.

“Yeah, we will win in the end, neither the Leowles nor the Nyakuza can stop us!” Bow cheered and actually managed to be convincing enough to make Marcus smile. Their boss, however, had a grim expression on his face, he looked troubled, just like he had been at the beginning of the mission.

“Are you okay, grandpa?” Bow asked with worry, he snapped back to reality after realizing that she was speaking to him.

“Didn't I tell you not to call me that.-” He sighed before walking out of the room himself, “-I'm fine, Bowie, just tired.”

[unanuvola]

I see your true colors (and that's why I love you)

Pairing: Ethan Torchio x reader

Genre: Romance and a little bit of angst

Summary: Ethan had a secret and you unexpectedly found out

⁂~⁂~⁂

"Waitwaitwait!" you shouted while running towards the door of the building in which Ethan was living with his family.

Fortunately, the old lady waited for you, "Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome, miss." she replied, smiling.

At that moment you noticed the shopping trolley, "Do you perhaps need a hand with your…"

"Oh no, my dear! It's almost empty and I can do it by myself, but thank you for the concern. Have a nice afternoon." and she disappeared, with a brisk pace, in one of the doors which faced the courtyard.

The elevator was on the ground floor and you jumped in it, already savoring the afternoon you were going to spend with Ethan. No big plans, just the two of you enjoying each other's company.

As soon as you get off the elevator, you put some cherry lip balm, your boyfriend's favorite, and you hadn't the time to ring the doorbell, that the door opened.

"Mrs. Torchio!"

"Y/N! I didn't expect you. Ethan didn't tell me you were coming… Classic!"

"Classic!" you both exclaimed at the same time, causing a laugh, "In his defense, I arrived very early!"

"Come in! I don't have much time because of work, but how are you? I haven't seen you in a while."

"Yeah, I started to study seriously for the maturità. Unfortunately, it's very close."

"You're such a good girl," Mrs. Torchio praised you, not knowing that his son usually calls you that when he's inside you, "if only Ethan would go into studying like that instead of always playing drums. Nevermind! He's in his room, but if you need anything, you know the house perfectly. Now I really have to go!" she was closing the door, when she reopened, "There are leftovers from the lasagna in the oven, bye!"

No matter how many years you knew her, you were always mesmerized by how she talked fast as opposed to his son.

Before heading to Ethan's room, you decided to stop by the kitchen for a glass of water. You took your favorite glass, the Nutella one with Speedy Gonzales on it, and poured some water into it, but you didn't have the time to drink because you heard a bustle coming from one of the bedrooms.

Your heart began to beat violently from the fright, however this didn't stop you from running through that room with the first book taken at random from the library: the Divina Commedia, 664 pages and you were so ready to throw it to whoever caused that mess.

You opened the door of Ethan's room, but you didn't find anything or anybody, then you heard noises from the twins room. On tiptoe, you approached the door and snapped it open, with the book above your head and you saw Ethan, dressed with a t-shirt and sweatpants, sitting in front of his sister's vanity, looking at you from the reflection of the mirror. He had his hand on his mouth and his eyes were a mix of surprise and fear.

"Ethan.. Is everything alright?" it was just after asking it that you noticed some makeup on the floor together with two crumpled up tissue paper covered with red spots. Without hesitation, you launched the book on the bed and reached Ethan who was still looking at you, shocked. "What happened?" you kneeled in front of him, a hand on his knee to reassure him, while with the other hand you took one of the tissues. You looked at him, searching for any type of connection, but Ethan was desperately refusing to lay his eyes on you. Preoccupied, you moved your eyes from Ethan's face to the tissue. If at first you were scared that those red spots were blood now, that you could watch them closely, you relaxed a bit because definitely it wasn't that, however.. "Is this.." you let the question unfinished, trying to not push Ethan.

"Please Y/N, don't look at me!" he whispered, his hand still on his mouth, "I don't want you to see me like that."

You quickly looked away, trying to respect Ethan's plea, but when you heard soft sobs, you lifted your gaze and you felt as if somebody had clutched your beating heart. Now Ethan's hands were on his face, letting you glimpse, involuntary, what was causing him so much shame.

You stood up and sat on his knees, embracing Ethan in your arms, "There's nothing to be ashamed of, Ethan," you whispered, while caressing his back. His tears were falling on the nook of your neck and his arms tightly surrounding your waist almost as if he was afraid to lose you.

"Y-you won't l-leave me for this, right?" he sighed in your ear, then he finally looked at you, "Please, don't leave me! I-I swear, I won't do this anymore, but please stay with me."

Seeing your boyfriend like this broke your heart. Your eyes flew from his puffy eyes to the red lipstick smudged on his lips. You passed your thumb on them, they were soft and wet from the tears. Your eyes were almost mesmerized by the redness on his skin caused not only by the lipstick, but also by the rubbing.

You were sure now that your arrival caught him by surprise. Probably, when he heard noises coming from the kitchen even though his mother must have already left the house, he tried to take off the lipstick, but then he made a fuss and the next thing that he saw was you ready to fight with a book in your hand.

He must have been so scared, you thought, caressing his long hair that was all over his face. You tried to comb it, putting some lock behind his ears. Now that his beautiful face was free of hair, you gave a light peck on his lips.Your hands rested on his cheeks, stroking gently his smooth skin, and forced him to look at you straight in the eyes. His cheeks turned bright red even more and you could see the flush spreading on the neck and disappearing in the collar of his light blue t-shirt.

"You won’t get rid of me easily, okay? This sounds like a treat and probably it is," Ethan let out a weak giggle, while you were still stroking his cheeks, "but I love you, Ethan Torchio. I love you so much and if you think that I'll leave you just for this.. Well, it hurts, you know?" your boyfriend was about to answer, maybe saying that he was sorry, but you kissed away his words, "Don't be sorry, you don't have to.. Yeah, I'm a little bit disappointed, not because of what you did, but because you didn't tell me about it. However I also understand that sometimes revealing your own desires isn't easy." you smiled sweetly, trying to comfort him.

"I was scared to tell you, even if I know that you’re pretty open to, you know, this kind of stuff.. But now, it's like a weight had been lifted," Ethan finally smiled and you could think of how beautiful he was, "and I'm feeling stupid for not telling you this before."

"I'm sure you would have told me when you would have felt more comfortable with yourself..."

"Yeah, you're right, but in the end things went like this and, frankly, I'm glad," he took your hands, turned them up and he gave you two small kisses on your wrists, "I never told this to no one, except to Erika, but that was a mistake."

"Oh my God, Erika knew it?!"

"She caught me while I was putting on my lips her precious Russian Red by MAC. She was furious! It was so expensive that no one could use it, neither Lucrezia or Eleonora, much less his annoying brother. Can you believe that she didn't talk to me for a month?!"

You tried to hold back, but you started to laugh as soon as Ethan looked at you like a kicked puppy, "I'm going to ask her some details next time!" you exclaimed, out of breath.

"Don't do this to me cucciola!"

"Of course I'm going to do it!" you teased him, knowing that you'll never ask anything to Erika.

The bedroom was filled with the laugh of both of you and you could cool down just when Ethan pulled you towards his chest, "I love you."

"I love you too," you kissed the tip of his nose, "and now, what do you think about removing all this mess and putting.." you turned to your vanity, trying to choose one lipstick from your collection, "What do you think about my Stunna lip? The Unattached one."

"If I can choose, I would prefer Rouge Vie."

"I see that your taste is still refined since you were a young boy!"

Even Ethan's ears blushed hearing those words and you couldn't stop thinking about how adorable he was.

He was reaching your makeup pads, when you stopped him, "Let me take care of you," he nodded.

First, you put some micellar water on the cotton pad and then you gently rubbed on his lips and the skin surrounding them. You took your time, enjoying feeling his lips under your touch. When his skin was completely clean, you leaned your mouth on him and sucked his bottom lip, letting the taste of - maybe too many - coffee filling up your mouth.

"Your lips are so soft."

"Uhm.. I love to hear you say that," he said, biting his lips and then trying to kiss you again.

"Wait! Let me finish first," you searched for the lipstick, but just after a few seconds you realized that it was one of the things that fell earlier. Quickly, you bent down and took it, "Ready?" you asked him, removing the cap.

"Yep!"

You placed the lipstick on his cupid's bow and you started to trance the edge, then you filled the rest of the lips. It was so beautiful watching those full lips getting stroked by the tip of the lipstick and the color was so rich that his mouth seemed even more plump.

"Here," you gave him a napkin, "put it on your lips, so you can get rid of the excess of the lipstick."

Ethan let your waist free since you sat on his knees and took the tissue paper. He did what you said, he put his mushy lips on it and left three pecks, his deep and desirous eyes never leaving yours, then he turned it back to you.

"Don't you throw it?" he asked, while you were putting the napkin in your pocket. 

"Nah.. I'm going to put it in my diary, so every time I have to write something, I'll think about your lips."

"What a romantic girl you are!"

You raised your eyebrows, pretending to be outraged, "I'd prefer naughty, but yeah, I can accept being your romantic girl!"

Your boyfriend slid his arms around your hips and you moved a little closer, feeling the warmth of his hands through your dark blue blouse. You put your right arm around his shoulder while with the other hand you were playing with the necklace on his neck. 

"My girl.." he whispered, his hot breath on your ear giving you chills, but when you felt his mouth dangerously near to your neck, you stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait! You don't want to ruin your lipstick, right? Let me see.." and you moved away a little, just enough to see clearly his face, "I'm not a makeup artist, but I think that the final result is pretty good. What do you think?"

Ethan turned his head to the mirror and watched himself, "I'm.. I'm feeling beautiful," he looked at you, his eyes sparkling, "Thank you for not judging me."

"Thank you for trusting me."

"You know that I never kissed someone with lipstick on?"

You gasped, "What a coincidence! I've never been kissed by someone with lipstick on! Would you be my first?"

"Only if I can be your first!" and in no time he lifted you up from his knees and he brought you on the bed, his lips glued on yours.

You happily watched your meticulous work getting smudged on his face and certainly on your face too and you were the double happier at the thought that after this, hopefully never-ending, make out section there was the lasagna leftover waiting in the kitchen. Sometimes life is a bitch, but tonight you seemed to win the jackpot.

[axolotlsauce]

EVER ON AND ON I CONTINUE

CIRCLING WITH NOTHING BUT MY HATE IN A CAROUSEL OF AGONY

TILL SLOWLY I FORGET AND MY HEART STARTS VANISHING

AND SUDDENLY I SEE THAT I CAN’T BREAK FREE

I’M

SLIPPING THROUGH THE CRACKS

OF A DARK ETERNITY

WITH NOTHING BUT MY PAIN AND THE PARALYSING AGONY

TO TELL ME WHO I AM WHO I WAS UNCERTAINTY

ENVEALOPING MY MIND TILL I CANT  BREAK FREE

AND

MAYBE IT’S A DREAM MAYBE NOTHING ELSE IS REAL BUT IT WOULDN’T MEAN A THING IF I TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL

SO I’M TIRED OF ALL THE PAIN ALL THE MISERY INSIDE AND I WISH THAT I COULD LIVE FEELING NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT

YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO SAY

YOU CAN TELL ME WHERE TO GO

BUT I DOUBT THAT I WOULD CARE AND MY HEART WOULD NEVER KNOW

IF I MAKE ANOTHER MOVE THERE’LL BE NO MORE TURNING BACK

BECAUSE EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE AND IT ALL WILL FADE TO BLACK

WILL TOMORROW EVER COME? WILL I MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT? WILL THERE EVER BE A PLACE FOR THE BROKEN IN THE LIGHT?

AM I HURTING AM I SAD? SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?

I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO TELL DID I EVER EVEN KNOW?

CAN I TAKE ANOTHER STEP? I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I SEE THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND

IF I FIND A WAY TO CHANGE IF I STEP INTO THE LIGHT THEN I’LL NEVER BE THE SAME

AND IT ALL WILL FADE TO WHITE

EVER ON AND ON I CONTINUE CIRCLING WITH NOTHING BUT MY HATE

IN A CAROUSEL OF

AGONY

TILL SLOWLY I FORGET THAT MY

HEART STARTS VANISHING

AND SUDDENLY I SEE THAT

I  CANT BREAK FREE

I’M

SLIPPING THROUGH THE CRACKS OF A  DARK

ETERNITY

WITH NOTHING BUT MY PAIN AND THE PARALYSING AGONY

TO TELL ME WHO I AM WHO I WAS UNCERTAINTY

ENVELOPING MY MIND TILL I  CANT BREAK FREE

MAYBE ITS A DREAM MAYBE NOTHING ELSE IS REAL BUT IT WOULDNT MEAN A THING IF I TOLD YOU HOW I FEEL

SO I’M TIRED OF ALL THE PAIN

ALL THE MISERY INSIDE

AND I WISH THAT I COULD LIVE FEELING NOTHING BUT THE NIGHT

YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT TO SAY

YOU CAN TELL ME WHERE TO GO

BUT I DOUBT THAT I WOULD CARE

AND MY HEART WOULD NEVER KNOW

IF I MAKE ANOTHER MOVE THERE’LL BE NO MORE TURNING BACK BECAUSE  EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE

AND IT ALL WILL FADE TO BLACK

WILL TOMORROW EVER COME WILL I MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT WILL THERE EVER BE A PLACE FOR THE BROKEN IN THE LIGHT

AM I HURTING, AM I SAD? SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO? I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO TELL

DID I EVER EVEN KNOW?

THIS TIME YOU’RE NOT HURTING ME THIS TIME I WILL MAKE A STAND ALL THE HATRED IN MY EYES  BUILDING UP AN EVIL PLAN

STANDING LONELY IN THE NIGHT WITH THE DARKNESS BY MY SIDE LOOKING DEEP INSIDE MYSELF AND REVEALING ONLY FRIGHT

IF I MAKE ANOTHER MOVE

IF I TAKE ANOTHER STEP

THEN IT ALL WOULD FALL APART

THERE’D BE NOTHING OF ME LEFT

IF I’M CRYING IN THE WIND IF I’M CRYING IN THE NIGHT WILL THERE EVER BE A WAY WILL MY HEART RETURN TO LIGHT?

CAN YOU TELL ME WHO YOU ARE? CAN YOU TELL ME WHERE I AM I’VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO SEE I’VE FORGOTTEN IF I CAN

IF I OPENED UP MY EYES

THERE’D BE NO MORE GOING BACK

CAUSE ID THROW IT ALL A WAY

AND IT ALL WOULD FADE TO BLACK

SO I’M BACK HERE ONCE AGAIN SO I’M BACK HERE ONCE AGAIN

CAN I EVER MAKE A CHANGE WILL MY HEART BEGIN TO MEND?

WOULD YOU LOVE ME IF I GO? IT FEELS LIKE A HEART ATTACK BUT STILL EVERYTHING’S THE SAME

AND IT ALL JUST FADES TO BLACK

[bubble-booty-cuties]

Yesterday, the bindings on Naoto's ass came a bit loose, which seemed to distract Senpai when she subtly probed him for info (read: had a steamy makeout/petting session with him at school). Thinking she could get him to slip up and reveal something, Naoto not only ditched them entirely, she wore her tightest, ass-huggingest pants. Unfortunately, she didn't how much the attention she's getting turned her on, or how sensitive her ass really was, until Senpai had gotten his hands on them.

Once again, I took this ask and turned it into something bigger, sorry if you were hoping for something else!

__________________________________

"Y-Yes Niijima-San.. Yes, I know.. I require a bit more time before I can show you anything concrete, but I promise you, I am very close to cracking this case wide open! I need only find my in, and I will have my suspect! Yes, I won't fail!" With a tap of her phone the call was ended, and Naoto looked straight ahead towards her destination.

Well, she tried to at least, currently she was doing her absolute best to turn invisible in the middle of a busy backstreet, and failing, unsurprisingly.

Even as she looked down low at the ground, hiding her face behind the rim of her hat, the echoes of her own high heels clacking against the stone ground reverberated loudly, and she could hear every one of her steps. Though she was having a bit of trouble, she'd quickly grown used to the shoes and her pace was quick, hoping to reach Leblanc with some ounce of dignity left, at least.

And why was she dressed in such eye catchingly blue, high heeled shoes? Well, it was to accentuate the rest of her outfit, something Ann had managed to drill into her when she'd made her purchase the shoes on one of their outings. For the shoes matched her dark blue button up shirt, blending wonderfully with her own hair. And they even matched her deep blue lipstick covered lips.

Of course, that was just about the most normal part of her outfit. Foregoing her chest binder once again, her plump, perky breasts bounced freely with each long stride of her long legs, straining against her shirt and revealing her deep, creamy pale valley of cleavage that not only stretched out her shirt, but pressed her erect nipples against the soft fabric, making each move a slight, shiver inducing feeling of fabric against sensitive nubs.

Naoto cursed silently as another man passing by tripped and stared like she was the first woman he'd ever seen, his head following her even as she passed by, no doubt looking at her massive, wobbly globes of meaty ass hang out of her extremely tiny, slutty jean booty shorts. Did she forget to mention the shorts? How silly of her, it wasn't as if she felt like she was walking around in nothing but a thong in public with the chill to match.

And speaking of thongs, hers hugged her hips high above where the shorts ended, putting together the perfect slutty image that she regretted she pulled off so well. Damn her naturally curvy figure. Damn her perky, ballooning tits that even Makoto looked jealous of when she saw how they naturally stayed perky. And damn her massive, round, bouncy butt that she could literally feel jiggling with every step!

Why couldn't things have been easy and she was just small? No, she had to be short AND stacked. Even her thighs were plump and meaty, something that made all kinds of men stare. She swore her face would catch fire if one more man whistled after her. But she was so close, so close to Leblanc and so close to making Senpai confess to his crimes!

That's what all of this was for! She had to keep reminding herself, even as her shorts rode up between her perfectly meaty, fat, giant cheeks like a second skin, like a thong, and even as she convinced herself that NO she wasn't wet. You have no proof otherwise! Senpai's weakness, that's what this was! He talked more when she'd dressed like this, talked more when he had her on the ropes doing lewd things to her, talked more into her ear while he was fingering her holes then he ever had before!

That was her chance, she had to make him talk through any means necessary! And if that meant dressing like a five dollar whore for him to toy with while he finally slipped up and spoke of his status as the head of the Phantom Thieves, then goddamnit that's what she was going to do! She was a Shirogane Detective, and she would do what it takes!

"But maybe I should have at least brought a coat.." She muttered to herself as she finally made it to Leblanc's front door, the sign reading closed, but the lights on inside. She'd texted him, told him she'd be coming over, so surely the door was unlocked? At least that meant she wouldn't have to be gawked at by men on the street, but perhaps the alternative of being toyed with and.. Licked was the wasn't the lesser of the two evils..

Bells rung out above her head as she pushed her way inside, making sure the door behind her shut and locked, just so she and him were left alone, and no one walked in while she was dressed this way.

"Senpai? I'm, um, I'm here!" The detective however got no response, the cafe lit up, but seemingly quiet.

"Senpai?" She called out again, hoping for a reply. With a cautious step, Naoto stepped deeper into the cafe and towards the stairs of the attic, where her suspect's room was.

"Hello? The door was unlocked so I let myself in!" She called out just as she made it to the top of the stairs, just to see.. Nothing. The young man was nowhere in sight. Not even his feline companion was in his room.

"What? But he knew I was coming over. Perhaps I should try his cell-Ah!!"

"Why don't we skip to the fun part?"

Naoto squealed yelled in fright as she felt the large, warm hand of her Senpai suddenly smack grip her bubble butt as hard as he could, his other arm snaking around her slim waist and hugging her back closely to his chest, and she didn't even hear his footsteps coming up the stairs! H-How did he sneak up on her?!

"S-Senpai! How did you-? N-No, it doesn't matter, I've come to talk with you!" Naoto tried her best to relax against the young man, but she usually found it difficult when he was groping and mauling her fat ass like a stress toy.

"You came to talk," He started, plainly, evenly, even as he felt p her curves. He simply talked gently into her ear. "You came to talk, dressed in this?"

"I-I.." Naoto froze, looking down at her own clothes, her own perky breasts, feeling her own heat racing. Was it excitement? Was it worry? Why were things never easy with him..? "I need to ask you a few questions, S-Senpai.."

"Sure." Was all she heard as he began kissing the side of her neck, one of his hands snaking down between her thighs in the way it always did when they were alone, in the way that made her spread her legs for him instinctively.. Pushing her pelvis against his hand as if to invite him inside of her..

N-No! Focus! The bluenette detective bit her lip, her face bright red once again, and she tried her best to focus on anything but the pleasure of his fingers.

"Senpai, where were you on-Aah~!" His fingers hooked against her inner walls, and she was gently lead to his bed in the corner of the room, pushed slowly, her high heels clacking loudly. "Wh-Where were you on the night o-of October 8th?"

The young man froze for a second, his fingers paused in her folds, before continuing the next, so quickly she almost didn't catch it, but she did, and she wasn't sure what emotion filled her in that moment.

"With my friends." Was all he said as they both got on their knees on the bed.

"Wh-Where, Senpai?"

"Here and there."

Naoto had to actively rip her mind away from the hope that he was going to bend her over and eat her out again, she had to stop herself from looking forward to the feeling of his face between her- Stop! She's so close! She can feel it!

"Plea-Mmh~! Please answer the question, S-Senpai!" She needed to know! She.. Fuck, why was it so hard to focus when he was so close?! She couldn't even think of what else to ask, her practiced questions, her traps she had thought up for days! Not when he was so close to bending her over once again, not when she wanted to feel his tongue slither passed her tight pucker once more!

That feeling of his tongue inside her ass, it was.. Damnit she'd resorted to fingering her own backdoor on nights he'd teased her just to leave her alone! Her face burned, her lower lips burned with need even more, and all she could remember was that she needed to know the answer to that one damn question!

And then he stopped, with them both on their knees on the bed, he'd stopped his fingers from toying with her, and he pulled away from her sensitive neck to talk into her ear.

"How about a wager?" Naoto's eyes shot open from their clenched shut state in surprise. "If you win, I'll answer any question you want with the truth-"

The detective's heart raced in her chest, the whole truth, there, right there within her grasp.

"And if I win, you have to answer any question I want, with the full truth."

"Wh-What's the wager..?" Whatever it was, she needed to try, she's so close, she could feel it.

"Simple. The first one to cum loses." Excited butterflies bubbled up in her tummy, but just so did trepidation. She'd never made him cum, he'd only ever toyed with her, made her scream, or made her.. Make a mess..

"B-But how am I supposed to.. I-I've never made you.." She trailed off, the words burning in her mouth, but she was far to embarrassed to tell him to his face she wanted to know how to make him cum.

"It wouldn't be fair if we weren't both having fun," He whispered even closer, making her shiver and squirm in place. "So you're going to bend over, and I'm going to fuck you."

"Wh-What?!" Naoto wasn't stupid, she was a Shirogane detective for christ's sake, she had questioned why he'd never tried to go the next step, why he'd never.. Bent her over and fucked her. And on those steamy nights alone, she'd fantasized about it, wondered what it was like..

"Your choice. You can leave if you want." His hands slid down her sides to grab her wide hips, pulling her plump, jiggly ass back against his covered cock, straight up showing her that he was ready to rail her, much to her burning hot embarrassment. "Or, you can get on all fours, and I'm going to rail your ass 'till you're squealing."

He was plain, as usual, and she doubted he was much for negotiating his terms right now. The choices were simple. Leave, or let him fuck her from behind. The choice was obvious.

Slowly, on shaky legs and arms, Naoto leaned forward onto all fours on the bed, laying her well endowed chest down low on the bed, and raising her extra meaty, plump ass high up into the air, those tiny booty shorts riding up deep between the valley of her ass, both hefty cheeks wobbling as she got comfortable in her new position.

Looking back over her shoulder, Naoto's pretty face looked more feminine then ever as she gently held the pillow for comfort, her hat hiding one eye as the other looked at him with excitement and worry. And her voice broke the tension in a way that reminded him who she was, so soft and girly.

"P-Please be gentle, S-Senpai..~"

Joker's cock nearly broke passed his belt as all the blood in his body raced to his appendage at once, his cool guy act all but gone and replaced with pure, red hot horny at the sight of that massive fucking ass wobbling like jello on one of the cutest girls he's ever met. How could she expect him to be gentle after that?!

"S-Senpai~!" Naoto squeaked out as she felt the man smack her ass as hard as he could, he heart beating out of her chest as that feeling of pleasure from a spank came back 10 fold. But she wasn't focused on that. No, she was focused on the fat, raging, throbbing, veiny slap of meat that just slapped down on her ass with a weighty thud, the first cock she'd ever seen in person and it looked hard enough to cut glass, and felt like a bat as it slapped down between her warm cheeks.

Th-That was going in her backdoor? It was throbbing and twitching with need, and it looked so huge, thick and long! And it was so hot! Naoto already felt heated and steamy in the young man's bed, her cheeks lightly peppered with beads of sweat, but the warmth between her cheeks now was like an oven with that fat cock squished between them.

And it was squished between them, sandwiched in between those meaty buns like it belonged, the first thing she'd felt him do was press his cock deeper in her newly slippery valley of heat, and now the head of his cock was almost the only thing visible as it poked out passed her cheeks and over her lower back.

Naoto bit her lip to fight back the adorable little noises she threatened to make as she felt her Senpai grab her asscheeks, squishing her globes together like balls of dough, with his veiny cock right in the middle. And finally, she felt her body lightly rock on the bed as he began thrusting his cock between her sweat slicked cheeks.

"Ahaaa~! Senpai~!" She could feel his thrusts grow faster between her cheeks, and she could only think about how her Senpai was using her pillowy butt like an onahole! B-But, she remembered the wager, if she could m-make him cum first, then she'd win!

With a peptalk and hope not a single soul could see her besides the obvious, Naoto braced herself against the bed and did what she'd seen Ann and even Futaba do a number of times before.. With a bounce of her extra wide birthing hips, Naoto started twerking her massive fat ass on her Senpai's c-cock! Each and every twerk of her hips made her ass jiggle and ripple like two massive water balloons, her cheeks clapping against his hips heftily as he let go of her and let her work.

Naoto had never felt this way before, the embarrassment was like a forest fire against her pretty face, and she'd wondered if she ever saw herself doing something so.. so.. Lewd! But, the moment she heard the deep, masculine, pleasured grown of the young man behind her, Naoto felt.. Sexy.. She felt good knowing her extra plump rear was good for something other then ripping open her favorite trousers.. That groan was from her twerking on her Senpai's dick, from her making him feel good, and she just couldn't stop herself from slipping her own hand down the front of her shorts, toying with herself at the feeling of his cock between her sweaty cheeks.

The plapping of her cheeks against his hips echoed in the room as the young man groaned in pleasure, and once more the harsh sound of him smacking her fat ass and her high pitched squeal filled the room instead.

"A-Aaah~! I-It's okay, S-Senpai~! You can c-.. Cum whenever you w-want~!" Naoto tried to sound sexy, anything she could to make him cum early, to win the wager, but one look back at that throbbing beast between her cheeks and the look in his eyes made her realize he wasn't anywhere close to being done.

Suddenly, Naoto felt the man pull his cock free from her her warmth and felt him grab her booty shorts, yanking the poor excuse for pants down around her thighs and down onto the bed below, leaving her extra fat ass bare of all but her tiny blue thong that couldn't hope to hide her jiggly cheeks, let alone the cute little twitching pucker between them.

"W-Wait, S-Senpai-!" Naoto squeaked in ways she didn't wanna think about tonight, her voice high and feminine, pretty and girly, and she sounded so needy it hurt to think about. But what else was she supposed to do when she felt the tip of her Senpai's cock slid up and down her cheeks, pressing lightly against the fabric between his cock and her pink ring, as if taunting her.

"Senpai, pl-please, just-" Naoto pushed her face in deeper to the pillow when she felt him grab her thong and pull it out from between her cheeks, not even taking them off, just pulling the small blue string to the side, catching on her plump cheek. And with two jiggly handfuls, the young man pulled her cheeks apart and once again was greeted with a front row seat of her needy, wet, twitching holes.

"P..Please don't stare Senpai.." Naoto's gasping breaths were quick and uneasy as the gravity of her position finally set in, and she knew her Senpai was looking at at her little backdoor, with his member hard and waiting for it's chance to enter inside of her.

"You're so pretty, Naoto."

It was those simple, quiet words that made Naoto push her face into her pillow in embarrassment, warmth spreading in her chest at the compliment.

"It's why you can't expect me to hold back."

"A-Aaah~!" It was a sudden, warm, wet pressure against her back door that made her clenched eyes shoot open in surprise, the feeling of his broad, throbbing hard tip against her tight little pucker was as pleasurable as it was shocking. There was a slight amount of pain, a feeling of something so big pushing into her that only his tongue and her own fingers had gotten into, but it wasn't unbearable.

Certainly, that didn't stop Naoto from gripping the pillow and sheets as tight as she could as the pressure against her asshole only got stronger, and she felt the warm precum drip out onto her ring of muscle.

He was slow but firm, and just like that, with a wet little plop, Naoto's anal cherry was popped, and her tiny asshole spread and clenched around the tip of her Senpai's cock, feeling bigger then it ever had before.

"S-Senpaiii~!" There was a dull pain that mixed in with radiating warmth and pleasure, and the tip of his cock throbbed and twitched inside of her, completely still as the man stopped his push to slide his hands up from holding her cheeks open, to holding her wide, sultry hips like handle bars. And it was all the break she got before he started right back up again.

"Ha-Haaaa~! S-Senpai~! You're so-!" Deep, that's all she could think of, as inch after inch of thick, throbbing, veiny cock slid passed her stretched little ring and into her warm little asshole, inch after inch filled her and reached places she'd never felt before. There was pain, but it was deeply overshadowed by an intense, blistering hot feeling of pleasure and fullness as he plundered her insides, making sure she couldn't pull away even if she tried by pulling her wide hips back to meet his narrow ones, watching her extra fat ass swallow up his dick hungrily while she made the most adorable noises ever.

And just as she felt like his cock was reaching her very core, making her head spin, it stopped, and she felt her wobbly cheeks meet his with a small clap of flesh on flesh, his balls nuzzled comfortably against her wet, dripping lower lips and reminding her that it wasn't just an endless ladder, and her Senpai was officially balls deep in her rear.

He groaned, and twitched, and throbbed, and she could feel her own hole clenching and squeezing from the new and strange feeling of being absolutely filled. Naoto's eyes were practically rolled up into her head as she pressed her teeth into the pillow in front of her, and that was before the sudden and breathtaking feeling of him slowly pulling his cock back out of her almost sore already asshole.

Every inch leaving made her feel more empty then ever before, not unpleasant, but she had just gotten used to having his cock inside of her, and now he was pulling it out until just the tip was left inside. And then, with her legs quaking under her fat ass, she felt him press his hips forward once again, but gone was his gentle care and slow pace, instead she felt like he was trying to force his dick back inside of her, quicker, harder. Not so fast, but certainly enough to make her, well, scream.

"Aaaaaah~!! S-Senpai~!!" Her high pitched scream was muffled by the pillow in front of her mouth as he once again bottomed out sinde of her ass with another meaty clap of her ass, much louder and harsher then before, not taking a second of hesitation before she was ince again pleasurably tortured by that feeling of him pulling out of her ass inch by inch, just for him to actually pull her wide hips back to meet his hard, firm thrust.

All things considered it was a moderate pace, thrusting his hips forward in long, hard strokes while pulling her fat ass back to meet him halfway, a nice rhythm of her ass clapping heavily back against his pelvis, weighty cheeks rippling and wobbling like two massive waterballoons as he fucked her ass.

For Naoto however, the virgin felt like her asshole was on fire, and she had no idea this was a slow pace. Instead, Naoto's body rocked back and forth on the bed, her much smaller and lighter frame bouncing forward and back to the strong thrusts while she almost lost her mind to feeling of getting fucked like a bitch, face down with her ass raised high for her Senpai.

"H-Hhnnng~!! Hng~!! Hngk~!! Hnnngggk~!!" The pillow between her clenched teeth muffled her squeaks and squeals, her own juices pouring down her thighs as tears formed in her pretty blue-grey eyes. Oh god, she.. She was getting fucked by her Senpai, she was bent over on all fours getting fucked by her Senpai and she could barely remember where she was!

The harsh smack of his hand meeting her meaty bubble butt echoed even louder then the clapping of her cheeks, her globe of pale flesh rippling on impact and wobbling for seconds after as she squealed loudly at the feeling of getting fucked and spanked at the same time.

"Fuck! Your ass is so tight!"

Naoto almost didn't register it, her Senpai's voice was deep and guttural, labored as he pounded her ass like a slow drum, and she could feel herself shiver at the idea.. The idea he was feeling so good from using her hole~

And that's when she felt the young man grab her wrist, yanking it away from sheets and using it like like a handle, yanking her face up and out of the pillow while the other stabilized her rocking body. Of course, that just meant she couldn't hide her bright red, beautiful face in the sheets, or her pretty voice~

"Aaaaaah~!!! Ah~!! Ah~!! Ah~!! S-Senpai~!! Y-You feel s-so-Aaah~!!" She looked back at him, tears of pleasure shining in her eye as her pretty voice chimed so loudly when not muffled, and it was all that the young man needed to snap.

Grabbing her other arm, the young man pulled her entire body back against his hips and her fat ass onto his cock, slamming forward far harder then he had before, catching her completely by surprise as she was suddenly not in control of her own body at all, her arms bound and pulled behind her, and her whole body now at the mercy of her Senpai. The feeling was exciting yet scary, but not nearly as exciting as the sudden strength in his hips, slamming against her bubbly cheeks harder then she thought he could. And she soon realized she knew very little about how rough sex could actually be.

Suddenly her Senpai yanked his cock out of her already abused whole like it was stuck, before jamming his cock into her asshole like it barely fit before, yanking her entire body back to meet his extremely hard thrust before doing it again even faster, and it was this sudden and brutal pace that made Naoto's eyes roll up completely as her tongue hung out of her mouth.

"Senpai~!!! S-Senpai~!!! Ghaaaa~!! Haaaa~!!!" The young man's blistering pace turned her detective brain into a slutty mush as he brutalized her previously virgin asshole, her meaty, wobbly, planetary globes of creamy smooth flesh clapping like a drum so hard and fast it was a wonder if anyone could hear it outside, along with the squeaking bed and her slutty squeals of pleasure.

In the back of her mind she wondered if this was what it was like to be a whore, to be used by a man who wanted nothing more then to watch her fat cheeks jiggle and ripple around his cock while he ripped the screams of pleasure from her throat, just to dump the contents of his balls inside of her. It was the last vestige of her inquisitive mind, but even that soon shattered along with the buttons of her blue shirt, the small bits of plastic popping off as her plump, perky tits sprang free, swinging and bouncing freely beneath her chest as her whole body bounced and rocked back and forth.

Sweat dripped down each and every curve of her body, the heat in her core as sweltering as the heat around her, and it was there that the young man suddenly let go of her arms to grab a fist full of her partly long hair instead, her hat skewing forward on her head to cover her vision partly, rocking, bouncing, and teetering on her head dangerously. It was a wonder it hadn't already fallen off, but she wasn't focused on that, not when the brutal, feral pounding of her asshole made her clench hard around her Senpai's cock, and the moment she felt the man smack her fat cheek harder then it'd ever been smacked before, something inside of her snapped, broke, and suddenly she felt a rushing pleasure overtake her entire body and she saw stars for a few seconds. Not to mention her squeal.

"AAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhhhh~!!!!!" Seconds felt like minutes, and minutes felt like hours as her entire body shook and writhed in pure, white hot, mind melting pleasure, and the feeling of her Senpai's cock still slamming in balls deep into her tiny clenching asshole only made it last longer, hit harder, and she could feel something spray across her meaty thighs and make a mess of the bed below her. Drool dripped down her chin and she felt a tear fall down her face as well, and every single fiber of her being was on fire.

And suddenly, it all stopped, and she felt the young man behind her let go of her hair and hips, yank his cock free from her little gaping asshole, and let her fall face down onto the bed, her shock overtaking her for a second as her body screamed out for more! There had to be more! He wasn't done yet right?! He hasn't cum, he can keep going!

Naoto looked back at the man with almost desperate surprise, rising to her hands and knees shakily, looking almost pleadingly at his lubed, throbbing, shining cock before looking up at him.

"S-Senpai, wh-what-?"

"You lost the wager."

What?

"You lost, and now you have to tell the truth."

"I-I don't under-"

"Tell me what you want."

What did she want? What did he mean what did she want?! She wanted to know.. something. She- What did she-? N-No, she wanted-! She wanted-!

"I-I want.. I want.."

"I-I want you to f-fuck my a-ass~!! P-Please Senpai, f-fuck my ass m-more~!!" Naoto needed more~! She felt so empty, shame and embarrassment made her face light up and almost steam, but she couldn't hold back anymore, not when she felt so lightheaded, not when his cock was still so hard~!

The needy detective bit her lip in desperation as she reached back and took both of her creamy globes in her hands, spreading her fat cheeks apart while looking back at her Senpai, panting and gasping while revealing her own tiny, winking, slightly gaped, slippery little backdoor~!

"Please~!! I-I need Senpai's c-cock~!!" She didn't care anymore~! She needed to be fucked again~! She needed that feeling of being filled, she needed to feel him fuck her ass so hard she could barely think~! "Fuck my ass~!!"

All it took was a grab of her wide hips and a slam of his as hard as he could before Naoto felt his balls slap against her dripping cunt, slamming in nuts deep into her needy asshole while her cheeks rippled from the meaty clap~! And Naoto once again made that slutty face she tried to hide, but she kept herself held up, didn't put her face in the pillow~! Her Senpai wanted to hear her, it's why he did it before right~? And she squealed just as loud as she did before~!

"Y-YEESS~!!!" There was no build up, Naoto's entire body rocked as hard as before as her Senpai fucked her fat ass, brutally railing her tiny little pink pucker like a jackhammer, but this time he was met by the slutty sight of the little detective throwing her fat ass back on his cock, bouncing her cheeks back against his hips and making sure every single inch was as deep as could possibly be!

"F-Fuck me~!! Aaaah~!!! Fuck me Senpai~!!" Stars exploded across her vision with every single brutal slam of his hips, and Naoto had the sluttiest look she'd ever had on her face, her eyes rolled up while she squealed happily out for more.

Naoto suddenly felt the young man's weight push harder into his thrusts as he reached forward and began mauling her fat tits, groping and squeezing them so hard she almost winced, from pain and pleasure both at once, and she could only grit her teeth s=to stop herself from screaming so loud it broke the window near them as he pulled and twisted one of her sensitive little nubs~!

"Tell me what you are!!"

What she was~? Naoto could barely remember her name, but she knew what she was, she was a whore~!! She was a nasty, needy whore~! That's what women like her were right~? Women who loved getting fucked up the ass like this were-

"I-I'm a whore~!! I'm a n-nasty whore~!!" Naoto couldn't hold on, she fell forward onto chest and her Senpai followed her down, slamming his cock down hard into her little asshole one last time like a feral beast, ruining her tiny previously virgin tunnel in a prone bone that left the room spinning for the little detective. Leverage worked against her in the best way possible, and her fat ass rippled and wobbled like two massive water beds, both meaty cheeks shining with sweat as he hooked her legs open permanently with his own, making sure she couldn't curl up even if she wanted to. And all she could feel was her Senpai's weight and heat on her body while she was fucked into a squealing puddle.

"You're my whore!! My personal whore!!"

"YES~!! I'm your whore~!!! I'm Senpai's anal whore~!!!" She could do nothing but lay there and take his cock like a whore, it's what she was~!! A whore for cock~!! Cum squirted out of her untouched cunt over and over all over her thighs and the sheets as he slammed in like a jackhammer, she swore she heard something under the bed break as she almost blacked out, screaming so loud she felt her own throat hurt before he finally slammed into her slutty little love tunnel one last fucking time, and she was so suddenly filled with a boiling hot, bubbly sticky heat~!!

"AAAAAHHHHHH~!!!!!" Naoto's entire body tensed as she came harder then she ever had in her life~!! The feeling of being filled, of practically being bred felt so fucking good, she wanted every single last drop inside of her~!! She wanted to be Senpai's cock warmer~!! She wanted him to fill her asshole with his cum every single day~!!!

And suddenly, it stopped, all of it, the pounding, the squealing, the cumming.. And all that was left was her Senpai suddenly flopping down on top of her, his cock still twitching inside of her hole, spurting the last of his seed, and the only noises filling the room was their panting and gasping.

Naoto felt so small under her Senpai, more feminine then she'd ever felt in her life, so warm and full~ She felt.. She didn't know, but it felt right, almost as right as the butterflies that sprung up in her tummy as the young man wrapped his arms around her small waist and held her gently, laying them both to their sides on the bed and pulling her as close as he could against his chest, his face buried in her hair behind her.

She felt so light, and happy~ So.. Sleepy~ Darkness slowly covered her eyes, or were those her eyelids, and she felt her entire body relax against the young man behind her~ And she remembered she was supposed to tel the truth~? Or something~? Well she knew what the truth was~

Sleep finally came for the small detective as she mumbled what was in her mind~

"I love you Senpai~"

Soft snores was the only thing that filled the room now, and the young man wasn't far behind, putting his glasses to the side and shutting off the lights. He'd have to say it back to her tomorrow.

Though he was worried how she'd react when she found out she needed to walk to school the next day wearing what she came over in, with a limp.. And he wondered how Sojiro would react when he saw them both coming down the stairs..

[abbysfrenchbraid]

Kissed by a Wolf - Chapter 7

masterlist  /  playlist for reading

After we've arrived at the lowest point of this love triangle mess, it's now time to put the pieces back together. Eivor has to get a grip on things and the reader finally has to tell her how they feel. 

CW for blood/open wounds, food mention

inspo pic by @classicnovaproductions​

Promise

You were woken by movement behind you - Eivor had sat up and was cursing under her breath. As she stood up, you turned your head slightly to see what she was doing. The right side of her tunic was dark with dried blood.

With shaky fingers, she rolled up the fabric to reveal blood-soaked linen underwear and stained red skin. The tunic seemed to stick to the wound. Eivor pressed her lips together and ripped it off in one upward motion, letting out a small whine and immediately biting her knuckles to silence herself.

The gash on her hip started bleeding right away. It looked horrible. The flesh around it was purple from the impact and the wound was deep and gushing blood. You sprang up from the mattress and rushed toward her. Birna yelled in fright and protest and hid under the bed.

 “Eivor, oh God! Why did you not say anything yesterday? This requires stitches!”

The warrior was breathing heavily, trying to keep her composure as blood already started pooling at her foot.

“I thought it would close overnight, but my belt and the fabric must have made it worse,” she said, sounding both desperate and confused. “What do I do now?”

You were already rummaging around for the needle and thread you had used to mend her clothes a few days ago and threw her a clean rag.

 “Here, press this on the wound.” She caught it and leaned back against the table to keep her balance, then she folded the cloth and pressed it on her hip with both hands.

There were still a few last smoldering coals in the fireplace, so you added a few twigs and hung up the kettle with a small amount of water while you waited for the flames to come. The water started to boil quickly and you threw in the needle and yarn, then you tore up cloth into stripes and also put them into the water.

“Come here,” you ordered and Eivor stepped around the bed to stand next to you in front of the fireplace. Her face was ashen-pale. You took the kettle from the fire and fished out one of the fabric stripes with a spoon, letting it cool for a moment until you could touch it without burning the skin off your fingers.

You gently moved Eivor’s hands and the blood-drenched rag from the wound and pressed the hot fabric to her skin. She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth, but stayed still and let you proceed. You washed the skin around the wound with the clean cloth and then went on to clean out the gash itself. It pained you to put Eivor through so much suffering, but you needed to prevent the wound from getting inflamed and foul.

Finally, you grabbed your sewing utensils and started closing up the wound. Eivor’s hands were now shaking vigorously and she buried her fingers in the furs on the bed trying not to move or cry out. You apologized over and over again while you tried to work as quickly as possible. When you were finished, you pressed the last hot rag on the wound and cleaned off the last of the blood.

 Eivor let herself fall back on the bed and put an arm over her face, trying to regulate her breathing. You sat down next to her and stared at your bloody hands. It had all happened so quickly, you were questioning whether you were really awake yet.

When you turned to look at Eivor, she was staring at the ceiling, a single tear running from the corner of her eye into the intricate braids. You laid down next to her and followed her gaze to the wooden beams above you. Your hands were lying next to each other between you, not touching but so close you could feel her warmth.

“I owe you an apology,” Eivor began quietly, “but I am at a loss for words. Where can I even begin? I put you into a cage even though you were wounded and scared, and I only noticed you were hurt when it was almost too late. I let Randvi treat you like a traitor even though you only helped us. I forced myself on you last night and you had to carry me back here because I was too drunk to stand. And now you save me once again, even though I have done nothing to ever deserve it.”

You stayed silent, waiting for her to continue. Should you tell her that you saw her with Randvi? She sighed.

“If you wish to part ways now, I understand. Sigurd will welcome you into the clan tonight. I will make sure to provide a roof over your head somewhere else in this village and you are free to do as you please.”

Her words were a dagger to your heart. She was setting you free, knowing how much pain she had caused you. But everything inside you was screaming at you to stay, to get closer, to stop speaking of separation, to only feel her lips on yours again. You felt your eyes well up. Carefully, you moved your hand in Eivor’s direction until your knuckles touched. The sensation made breathing harder, but it felt warm and consoling.

“However, if you stay despite everything I have done, I will be forever grateful to you. Everything feels wrong when I am without you, like thick fog limiting my vision and robbing me of all sense of direction. You guide me home.”

One of her fingers moved to brush over yours. Your heart was beating so loud that you were sure Eivor could hear it, too. You had to tell her. If this was your chance of resolving this mess, you had to tell her.

You pulled your hand away and turned to her, propping yourself up on an elbow.

“Eivor, there is something you need to know.”

Her eyes widened and you could see the fear behind them, fear of losing you forever.

“The night before the second raid, I went out looking for you.”

She understood immediately and closed her eyes, breathing out slowly as she waited for you to deliver the final blow.

Suddenly there were steps coming closer to your door and you could hear Valka’s voice singing a happy “Good Morning, Eivor! I brought food!”

Eivor shot up and pulled down her bloody tunic before rushing to the door, followed closely by a white ball of fur. You sat up as well.

Birna slipped out as soon as Eivor opened the door, then Valka stood in the room. She had brought a basket with bread and dried fruit as well as a bottle of a dark greenish liquid. She seemed surprised to see you here but greeted you just as enthusiastically.

“Seeing as you had to be carried to bed last night” - Eivor groaned and pressed her hands to her head - “I thought I’d come by to make sure you are still breathing. But first, would you mind telling me why you are drenched in blood? Did Y/N finally have enough of you?”

The healer gave you a sisterly smirk and placed the basket on the table. Before Eivor could even react, Valka had pulled up her tunic and let out a sound of surprise.

“Freya’s tears, what happened here?” She turned to you, still holding up the tunic. “Did you sew her up?”

You nodded and went to inspect the contents of her breakfast bundle before remarking that it probably would be best if she took another look at it to make sure it would heal well. Eivor was visibly annoyed at the fuss about her, but she did not dare to object. You popped some dried cherries into your mouth and lifted the green bottle against the light from the window.

“What is this?”

“Oh, the perfect brew for a morning after heavy drinking,” Valka explained, lifting the tunic over Eivor’s head. The warrior had bound her chest with strips of linen and now crossed her arms over her almost bare upper body. “Peppermint, ginger, and several bitter herbs. It tastes horrid, but it wakes you up and soothes an upset stomach.”

You threw Eivor a fresh tunic and she gave you a grateful nod, quickly pulling it over her body. Valka decided it was best if you joined her at her hut where she would prepare a fresh salve for the wound. Birna accompanied you on your way up the hill and, once inside, immediately chose Valka’s bed as her new throne.

Eivor bickered with her for a moment, then the cat moved over so Eivor could sit down next to her. You watched closely as Valka heated up oil and beeswax until they melted together, throwing in calendula and daisy petals, lavender, and buckhorn. The herbs soon started spreading their wonderful scent throughout the room and the oil slowly turned a greenish-yellow color. You helped filter the mixture through a clean cloth and caught it in a small clay pot, placing it on the windowsill to let it cool.

In the meantime, Valka had heated up water and thrown in a few cloves of crushed garlic. Now she placed another round of hot, wet fabric stripes on the wound and gently pressed them down with her palm. Eivor was clenching her jaw and clutching the blanket beneath her, but she endured the procedure without complaining.

Valka explained to you that garlic fought off illness and cleansed wounds even better than plain hot water, but she was happy with you for thinking of cleaning the wound before sewing it shut. She was also satisfied with your needlework on Eivor’s skin - the wound had stopped seeping and seemed to close up well.

As you both sat next to Eivor, waiting for the cloth on her hip to cool down, the silence grew thicker. Eivor kept her eyes closed the entire time, not showing any emotion. Valka was unusually late in recognizing that something was wrong. She gave you a questioning look and you just pressed your lips together and lightly shook your head.

After a while, the healer threw the wet rags into a basket and stood up to grab the salve from the window. She gently rubbed it into the bruised skin around the wound and handed the pot to you. Then she took a long bandage from a box and wrapped it around Eivor’s hips several times, fastening it with a knot.

“Here are two more bandages.” You took them from her. “Change the dressings twice a day and boil them after every use. Clean the wound and put the salve on before every new dressing. We should be able to remove the stitches in a few days so it can heal on its own.”

You helped Eivor up and thanked Valka for her assistance, promising to come by later so she could prepare you for your welcoming ceremony.

As you walked back to Eivor’s hut, she suddenly stopped. You turned around, raising your eyebrows at her.

“Y/N. I have been thinking about what you said. You saw me and Randvi, is that right?”

You nodded, feeling your throat close up.

“There is no excuse for what I did. I betrayed my brother and I turned from you after drawing you closer for days. Randvi and I were together for some time, but I ended it a while ago. She still wanted me and she found me at the right moment last night. All I can say for myself is that I was drunk, so drunk I could not think or feel anything anymore. I was lost, I was looking for love and I thought I could not place that burden on you, so I grasped my chance when Randvi came after me.”

She took a deep breath, holding your gaze.

“I should have never kissed Randvi, not the first time and not the last time. I was weak and astray, I still am. I often drink to find joy, yet I only find misery every time. I know that I should have come to my senses much earlier, I should have told you how I felt and I should have never kissed you without asking what you wanted.”

Her outburst shocked you; she had never been this honest and open with you. You could see she was hurt and ashamed, trying to save whatever still was left between you. You reached out a hand and she caught it between hers, her eyes full of fear and pleading.

“I can never make up for all the pain I have caused you. But if you choose to stay, if you choose to walk through that door with me and continue to be by my side, I swear to you by everything that is dear to me that I will never betray you, I will never lie to you and I will do everything in my power to make this work.”

She squeezed your hand with shaky fingers, her voice cracking at the last words. Your insides were in turmoil, you were completely overwhelmed with everything that had happened. But there, somewhere inside you, a tiny spark lit up. The smallest flame licked around the coals at the bottom of your chest. It was hope that had returned to you.

You knew that Eivor meant every word she had said. She would be lost without you, that much you knew already. You placed your free hand on top of hers and took a step closer.

“My wolf-kissed lady. It is true that you have caused me a great deal of pain. The last few days there was so much resentment inside of me. But we cannot choose who we love and we all lose our way sometimes. If you will let me, I would like to pull you back on a new path, one destined for us both. That path requires sacrifice, hard work, patience, and vigor. At your side, I am willing to try.”

Eivor pulled you to her and you wrapped your arms around her, careful not to press your body to her wounded hip. She stayed stiff for a moment, then she let out a relieved sigh and held you tightly, pressing her cheek to the top of your head and mumbling foreign words into your hair. Something brushed against your shin and you looked down to find Birna wedged between you, meowing for attention.

You smiled at Eivor through your tears and she picked up the cat, holding her to her chest and gently rocking her side to side like a newborn. The three of you made your way down to the cottage and Eivor opened the door for you, gently lowering Birna onto the bed. You closed it behind you and leaned against the hard wood.

Eivor stood a few feet from you, just a little bit further than an arm’s length away. There was an awkward silence as neither of you knew what to say, then you decided to relieve the tension. You sat down on the wooden trunk.

“I do not know how fast we will heal. But I don’t want to make you suffer, I believe you have put enough blame and hate on yourself already.” You looked down at your hands, rubbing them together nervously. “I know how you feel about me. I have felt the same way for some time. The things I saw the night before made it impossible for me to enjoy our kiss last night and I don’t think I could do so just yet. What I need is for you to prove to me that you mean it, show me that you are no longer interested in Randvi and that you really want us to be together. Once I know I can count on you and that there is nothing left standing between us, I will gladly find my way into your arms again.”

A weight was lifted off of you, now that you had finally lent voice to all your tumultuous thoughts and the feelings that had been waiting to spring free from your chest.  Eivor stepped closer to you and took your hands in hers again. Her eyes were clear now and she was standing upright, no longer carrying secrets and guilt in front of you.

“I devote myself to you, little bird.” She shook her head and huffed. “Who am I to call you little, when you have shown such courage and grace? I am the one who is small before you.” She suddenly chuckled. “Someone once called me a lovely dove. I was offended at the time, thinking she was mocking me. But is there a bird more devoted, more graceful and exquisite?”

Eivor smiled down at you and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I promise that I will do right by you, sweet Y/N, my delicate dove.” Her face was so close now that you could see the tiny hairs on her cheeks and the depths of her blue eyes. Her lips were almost touching yours. She was beautiful. You stopped breathing and closed your eyes.

The next thing you felt was her lips on the back of your hand and when you opened your eyes again, Eivor was still looking at you, kissing your knuckles one by one. Then she took a step back and nodded, determination visible on her face. She would do everything she could to prove herself worthy to you.