#lou is such a mama’s boy and it gives me life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tangledinink · 1 year

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Chapter Sixteen of I'm Sorry, Teenage Mutant What Now? Is up! The boys begin negotiations with Big Mama, to Yoshi's absolute horror... Read it in ao3 or below the cut!

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Yoshi rounded on the guard he had been walking with like a wolf did to prey, his lips curled back in an absolutely furious snarl.

“What are they doing here?!”

“This isn’t my--”

“Let them out! Let them out this instant!!!”

“Sir, I don’t have the authority to--”

“I do not care about what authority you do or do not have,” he spat, leaning over the other, his shoulders squared and his face darkened with absolute fury. Every muscle in his body was visibly coiled and tight and quaking. “You listen to me very carefully. You have two choices. You can either open that door and let them out right now, or I will take the keys from you. Do you understand?”

His voice was so cold. Mikey’s eyes widened, and he thought to himself that if he didn’t know better, even he would be terrified of their father right now. He had never in his life seen him so angry. And he had dropped an open can of paint down the stairs before.

The yokai guard was smart enough, at least, to cower before their father, and rushed to unlock the door to their jail cell. The absolute second there were no longer bars in the way, Mikey threw himself at their dad, a sob working its way up his throat before he had even realized it had been in his chest to begin with. His Dad was doing the exact same thing, physically grabbing him to pull him into his embrace. The rest of the family was right behind them, all six of them colliding together.

“I knew we’d find you--!” Mikey gasped.

“What are you doing here!? What-- what happened?! My sons--!” Their dad stammered breathlessly, his voice waterlogged with tears, and it might have scared Mikey with how rarely he saw his father cry, but he was crying, too, and he was so fucking happy he didn’t have the time to be scared or upset or anything else at all.

“It’s-- it’s a long story!” He laughed, tears running down his face, only squeezing his dad tighter. This was the best hug he had ever had in his entire life. Raph just got moved down in the rankings, ‘cause nothing could ever be better than this.

God, he had missed him so much.

“I’m sorry,” their dad kept saying, holding them all as close as he possibly could. “I’m so sorry, my sons, I’m so, so sorry--”

“Yeah, Dad, we gotta have a talk after this… whole situation.” Leo laughed, and Mikey could hear just from his voice that he was crying, too. He was pretty sure they were all crying. Even Donnie.

“How did you get here!? What-- what happened!?” He questioned again, pulling away just enough so that he could look at Mikey properly, holding his face, and there was this bewildered, searching element to his eyes that almost made Mikey pull back a little bit, glancing almost nervously to the side. Because. Well. Yeah.

They did look… different, didn’t they? Mikey doubted that their dad hadn’t known, but…

“Okay, so, you know that crazy sheep-looking dude who broke into our house…?” Leo snorted softly.

“What!?”

In the background, Mikey could hear the guard speaking on a walkie-talkie.

“Uhm, Big Mama? We have a… situation.”

“You tell her to get down here right now!” Yoshi snapped, whipping his head around so he could glare at the rather nervous-looking employee before immediately turning back to his sons, his anger giving way to concern once more. “How did you even get down here--? What are you doing here?”

“Rescue mission. Obviously,” Donnie said.

“Rescue? My sons, this is-- it is not that--“

“Uh, yes, ma’am, er, involving… Lou Jitsu? And those turtles we picked up a few days ago…”

“Days?!” Their father howled as he turned on the guard again, his voice pitching even higher with absolute outrage. “You have kept my children here for days?! How dare you!!! Give me that walkie-talkie— GUMO!!! WE HAD A DEAL—“

“A deal?…” Leo echoed.

“I don’t care if you are doing open heart-surgery! No! RIGHT NOW!!!”

Now that he had stepped away, no longer crowded in amongst the rest of the Hamatos, all the brilliantly colored bruises and lacerations painted along his father’s body were easily apparent. Mikey’s heart crumpled a little. “Dad…?”

“Ah-- it is alright, Mikey.” His father’s voice softened once more. “I will get you boys home. And fix your bracelets…! Do not worry, we will fix this…”

“… And you’ll come home too, right?”

There was a beat of hesitation that opened up a pit of dread in his stomach.

“Dad?”

His father opened his mouth to speak, but before anything could be said, a bright flash of magick which Mikey could, at this point, pin as a teleportation circle, bathed them all in light.

Mikey was not so proud that he couldn’t admit that he had screamed and hid behind his father when a hulking spider had leapt out, near shaking the ground as she landed, though with surprising grace, looking down at the group through a gaggle of brilliant red eyes. His siblings might not want to say so, but they all screamed and jumped, too. Their father didn’t. He held firm, glaring at the creature, planted stubbornly between the two parties.

“Hm,” the creature hummed, seeming almost thoughtful as they tilted their head to the side, and Mikey had not been expecting this to be what their voice sounded like at all. “Well, this is a bit of a prickly-snitch, isn’t it?”

“Oh!” Dad absolutely bristled, and Mikey swore he could hear his teeth grinding. “Do not give me that! What is the meaning of this?! We had a deal! You gave your word! You gave your word that you would leave my family be!”

“And I have!” She immediately defended, huffing loudly, as though insulted, placing a hand over her chest.

“You clearly have not!” He scoffed. “What are they doing here!?”

“Well you would have to ask them,” she insisted, giving a wave of one of her claws. “Because I can assure you that I did not bring your little turtleyboo’s here, dearheart, they showed up entirely of their own accord. I can’t be held responsible for that!”

Their father spluttered for a moment, glancing between the spider and the family, not seeming sure who he wanted to yell at for a second there. Mikey winced slightly, moving just a teensy bit closer to his siblings. Yeah, this had not exactly been the reaction they were expecting…

“I hardly think that matters!” He finally landed on the spider. “You’ve had them here for days!? Days!? Locked in your dungeon!? That is not ‘leaving them in peace!’ I don’t care how they got here-- you should have brought them back home! Why are you keeping them here!?”

“Well, obviously, I was doing the responsible thing and checking with my legal team to see what options I might have…”

“EXCUSE ME?!”

“Oh, they’re fine! I didn’t even hurt them.”

“Didn’t hurt them?” April scoffed under her breath. “I think Donnie’s concussion and fucked up shoulders would beg to differ…”

“His what!? Are you injured, my son? Let me see!”

“Dad, stop it, I’m fine--!”

“My employees were merely defending themselves!” The yokai protested. “The little turtleyboos are the ones who broke into my place of business and attacked my poor Nexus attendants! That could hardly be considered my fault.”

“Couldn’t it?!”

“Oh, come now, huggypoo. Don’t be a noodge about it. I’m sure we can work this all out and everyone can walk away hotsy-totsy…”

“Huggypoo?” Donnie muttered. “Uhm, ew.”

“Don’t you try to sweep this under the rug!” Dad spat. “They are down here, being held in your dungeon, none of your crystals are working, and they were attacked by Baron Draxum, who you told me you would keep them safe from--!”

“Excuse me, are you trying to imply that my magicks aren’t adequate?” She hissed in response, suddenly bristling, leaning in closer to glare at their father. He stood his ground, but Mikey shrunk back, paling slightly. He could see his own reflection in her eyes. Jagged teeth flashed from between the sharp bends of her long, pointed jaw. “My enchantment is foolproof. Draxxy can’t lay a hand on them.”

Leo’s eyes lit up a bit.

“Is that why he passed out when I grabbed him?!”

“That would be exact-ively why!” She gestured to their father as if to be like, see? I told you. “If my magick isn’t up to your expectations, I can always take it back… If you’re backing out…”

Their father grit his teeth. “I did not say that.”

“Wait, you cast spells on us?!” Raph spluttered slightly, looking down at himself, as if expecting to see something crawling on him, or spy some witchy sigil etched into his plastron.

“Oh, I’ve cast many spells on you, little turtles,” she laughed, and the way she smiled made Mikey shiver. “One might even say you lot owe me one…”

“They owe you nothing,” their dad growled, taking a step forward, physically forcing her away from him and his siblings. The shadow she had been casting over them retreated slightly. “You! You must fix this! They should be safe! Back at home! I have kept my end of the bargain--”

“Pops, we came to get you,” Raph protested, reaching out to touch their father’s shoulder.

“We’re not leaving without you!” Mikey insisted.

“Yeah! I don’t care if we do have to fight a giant spider, we’re getting you back home!” April added in.

“It’s not that simple,” Dad said.

“Why not?” Donnie pressed.

“I’m sorry, it is… it is complicated--”

“No!” Leo snapped, elbowing his way to the front of the group to face their dad properly. “No more ‘it’s complicated!’ I don’t wanna hear ‘it’s complicated,’ that’s not an okay answer anymore, Dad! We’ve been patient. We’ve let you keep your secrets, let you have your boundaries, we’ve let you not answer any of our questions about literally anything about you… But we’re in a fucking bloodsport stadium! And we’re reptiles!” He threw up his hands. “You can’t just tell us it’s complicated. We already know it’s complicated! Dad, you have to tell us what’s going on! Are you a reptile, too?!”

He grabbed their dad’s arm, and the bracelet circling his wrist caught the light as it moved.

“What even are you?!”

Their father’s shoulders slumped. Mikey thought to himself that he looked so tired.

“I am sorry,” he repeated. “I will… I will explain everything to you boys, I swear, but… I cannot leave. I made a deal.”

Leonardo threw down his father’s hand, bristling as he went. He turned his sights on the spider.

“A deal?” He echoed, a note of bitter laughter in his voice. “What? With her?”

“Blue, please--”

“Fine then,” Leo took a step forward, pivoting his body so that he was facing the eight-legged yokai properly, his chin tilted up so that he could meet her gaze.

“I wanna make a deal, too.”

---

“Leonardo! No! Absolutely not!”

Leo blocked him out, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So, what? The deal was he’d stay here and fight, and you’d leave us alone, get us cloaking crystals, and keep Draxum off our back? Do I have that all right?” Leo quipped, raising a brow before tsking very slightly. “I dunno, I think our Daddy’s got a point. It doesn’t really seem like you’ve kept up your end. But…”

“Leo. Listen to me. Do not speak with her about this--”

“I think we could pencil up some new terms to smooth it all out, and everyone can leave happy, just like you said. Right?” Leo continued, hands on his hips. “I mean, obviously we have to get something figured out here, given the current state of things. Probably wouldn’t be too good for your rep otherwise, right? Really, this could benefit all of us!”

Please let these be the right things to say. He had no idea what he was doing. He was flying completely blind-- he didn’t know a thing about this woman or what her motives were, he didn’t even know any details about the original deal to begin with.

But he was not leaving without his entire family.

“Leonardo!” His father hissed in his ear, grabbing his arm and yanking him slightly. “Stop! You do not know her like I do-- no one ever comes out on top when they make deals with her!”

Leo wretched himself from his father’s grip. “I don’t know her like you do?! Great, well, then, enlighten me! Who is this!? And how do you know her?!”

There was visible hesitation from his dad, who turned bright red as he looked to the side.

“She… is my ex.”

Oh. You know, maybe some secrets were actually okay.

Mikey gasped shrilly, pointing a finger. “That’s the hotel lady!?”

“The Grand Nexus Hotel is run by a spider!?” April cried.

“You dated a spider?!” Leo wailed, leaning over to shake his father by the shoulders.

“Look, now do you understand why I say ‘it’s complicated’ all the time?!” He snapped in reply, huffing loudly as he batted Leo’s hands off of him.

“Okay, okay, whatever. So not the point,” Leo sighed, scowling a bit. “Look, the point is, I’m willing to make a new deal with you, spider lady! So let’s talk.”

“Please,” she said. “You can call me Big Mama.”

“... Yeah, there’s no way I’m calling you that. For, like, sooo many reasons…”

She sighed thoughtfully, tilting her head ever-so-slightly to the side. Leo usually considered himself a pretty good read; he had always been adept at picking up on body language, on little hints and cues, at translating people’s expressions, but… he was used to doing that with, you know, people. Not giant arachnids.

“We can talk,” she finally said, her eyes narrowed into slits. “What would you propose?”

“Blue, please,” his father hissed. “This is too dangerous! Let me handle this!”

Leo didn’t even look at him.

“We’re taking our dad back home,” he said. “You didn’t keep your end of the deal, so he doesn’t have to keep his. You’ve had him for, what, two weeks now? Quite frankly, that’s an extended run for a performance…”

She laughed at him.

“I don’t think you understand the value that your father brings,” her grin was eerie. All teeth. She reached past them to snatch their father up in one of her claws, dragging him to her, and Leo had to resist the urge to reach out and snatch him right back, bristling. She near draped herself across their dad as he scowled. But he didn’t pull away. “My little cuddlekins is the most fantabulous champion my Nexus has ever seen. He’s undefeated, you know! The Hidden City just adores him,” she sighed happily, tapping the tip of his nose as he growled.

“Do you have any idea how many tickets he sells in a day?”

What, was this about money? Or was it about their dad? Both, he thought dimly to himself. She wants both.

“Well, if it’s entertainment you want,” he said, taking care to keep his tone as cool and casual as he possibly could. “I’m sure we could come up with some big hurrah to keep the people talking.”

“Oh?”

“You know what’s even cooler than Lou Jitsu? The son of Lou Jitsu. Seen here for the first time ever, exclusive Battle Nexus content! Come on, people eat that kind of stuff up!” He laughed, throwing out his hands to gesture to himself with exaggerated pride.

“Absolutely not!” His dad spat-- and now he was trying to pull away, but Big Mama didn’t let him, holding fast.

“My undefeated champion in exchange for one performance with an imitation isn’t exactly much of a ballyhoo, dearheart. I’m afraid you’ll have to be a bit more impressive than that,” she tsked.

Leo froze up for a minute. He knew that wasn’t good enough. He had known it wasn’t going to be good enough as soon as offered it, even before he offered it, but what else did they have?--

Swallowing a brief wave of panic, he glanced, just barely, back at his siblings behind him.

Four pairs of equally determined faces started back. And all their eyes said, ‘whatever it takes.’ Leo’s resolve instantly renewed itself, and his heart rate settled ever-so-slightly. He wasn’t going to let his family down. He could do this.

He could do this.

“Okay. Fine. What about four sons of Lou Jitsu? Plus an added-bonus daughter,” he challenged. “And you can forget about everything else. The cloaking crystals, the protection spells, whatever. Take it back,” he said, narrowing his eyes and setting his jaw. “Put us in your Battle Nexus. Do whatever you want. We’ll make a day of it! We’ll make you your money. And then at the end, we all get to go home.”

Her grin was getting wider.

“Well, that’s a bit better,” she hummed. “But not very exciting, is it? Let’s see here…”

Oh, so is that what this was to her?

A game.

“We can play for keepsies. What about that?” She said, abandoning their father and instead beginning to pace-- stalking slowly around the Hamato children, her eight legs tapping gently against the stone floor. “If you win, you can take your father, keep all your little boobles and trinkets and enchantments-- they don’t matter to me. You can la-di-dah off into the sunset,” she hummed.

“... But when I win. All of you will stay here. Deal?”

Leo didn’t have to look back at his siblings this time.

“Deal.”

---

“Please! Please! Plleeeasseee can we go up! We were good! I promise to be good next week, too! Super good!” Leo begged, holding his hands up like a prayer to plead with their swim instructor-- all but clinging to their legs.

“Just once! Pretty please?” Raph added, moving to echo Leo’s pose in support.

Jon sighed deeply, exaggeratedly, crouching down to join them at their level, his arms crossed over his knees.

“I dunno… it’s pretty high. Are you sure you want to?”

“Yes! Please!” Leo insisted.

“We can do it!”

“And you’re sure you’ll be good next week?”

“We will! Right, Donnie?”

Donnie wasn’t really participating in the desperate cajoling the way his brothers were, but he offered a little nod anyway.

“See!”

“Okay. Okay. Fine. You can each jump once, okay?”

“YES!” Leo shrieked in delight.

“But if you go up the ladder, you have to jump, okay? There’s no coming back down. Once you’re up, you gotta jump off. Understand?”

Raph seemed a little bit less sure about that. “How come?”

“Going backwards down the ladder of the high-dive while soaking wet isn’t the safest thing, kiddo.” Jon explained, reaching over to ruffle Raph’s hair a bit. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. But if you go up, you can’t go back down. You’ve gotta jump. So be sure you wanna jump before you go up.”

Raph, who had, seconds ago, been endlessly enthusiastic, suddenly seemed a bit nervous. He glanced over at Leo, frowning. “Leo, it’s really high…”

“Yeah, that’s what makes it awesome!” He enthused. “Don’t worry! It’ll be fun! Diving is super cool!” He insisted.

“But what if you get up and you don’t wanna anymore?”

“I will,” Leo insisted. “Here, I’ll go first. You stay here and watch with Donnie so he doesn’t get scared.”

Donnie looked up, seemingly annoyed, giving Leo an ‘excuse me? I’m not scared,’ kind of look, but luckily didn’t say anything and blow Leo’s cover. It’s for Raph, not you, doofus.

“Be careful, Leo,” Raph said, grabbing onto Donnie’s hand, who, to his credit, only wriggled a little, pulling a face but not pulling away. The pair watched as Leo began to scramble up the ladder to the long-desired, long-admired five-meter diving platform.

The higher he went, rung over rung, the more excited he got, practically wriggling as he climbed up to the top, pulling himself up to his feet. And his eyes widened, his mouth gaping in a shocked little ‘o.’

He was up so high.

Leo had never been up so tall before. Not like this! He had been up in some pretty big buildings with his family, but that was so different from this; standing up here on this platform, looking down at the water below, no walls or windows separating him and the rest of the world. His brothers looked tiny, almost, and as he crept forward to the edge of the platform, for just a second, he felt it. Belated, slower than his brother did, but he felt it.

Fear.

For a second there, he wasn’t so sure about this. It was… really, really high, and the water was really, really far below, and he was gonna have to jump. And fall. He realized, distantly, that he had never fallen so far before, and for just a second, he frowned, drawing his arms nervously around himself and shuffling his feet a bit.

Movement caught the corner of his eye.

Leo looked over, across the pool, way to the far edge by the doors to the locker rooms, and there was their dad. He didn’t stay and watch lessons anymore, but he always came to pick them up when lessons were over, waiting for them with towels by the locker rooms before herding them off to get changed and head back home for dinner. He was there already, swim bag in hands, ready for them to be released from their class, and he was waving at him.

Once Leo was looking at him, Dad smiled, and he gave him two thumbs up.

That was all. Just a smile and two thumbs. But it was plenty. It was more than enough, and Leo wriggled a bit with renewed excitement, all the fear draining out of him and puddling down at his feet, because things just got even better. He didn’t just get to go off the high-dive.

He got to go off the high-dive and his dad was gonna watch.

“COWABUNGA!” He shrieked, leaping off the platform without another ounce of hesitation, his legs tucked up to his chest and his arms flailing wildly as he plummeted downward. All his organs, seemingly, didn’t get the memo that they were heading down to the water now, because Leo swore that they were yanked up through his chest by gravity, his stomach ending up in his throat and his heart ending up at the top of his head as he fell.

He had just enough time for another short, pitched little shriek before he hit the water, a massive splash frilling up around him like a fan, droplets flying in each direction. Gravity stopped, and just for a second, Leo floated there in the middle of the pool, ever so slightly dazed-- suddenly still and suspended in place after his rapid descent. He lingered there for a moment, watching all the tiny bubbles rise up to the surface around him before he followed suit.

His head popped up, and as soon as Leo had grabbed a breath of air, he laughed loudly, his arms and legs doggy-paddling wildly as he began to head back towards the edge of the pool.

“THAT WAS AWESOME!” He cried. “Raph! That was so cool! You gotta go next! DAD! Dad, did you see me!? Did you see me jump!?”

---

He had been left here.

Left here in the Luxury Box like some misbehaving child, left in time-out while the parents discussed. Left here alone to question and panic. Yoshi paced furiously through the space, swearing softly to himself as his mind raced. Six times now, he had tried to convince the guards posted by the door to let him out, to bring him to Big Mama, to bring her to him, anything, and had been denied each time, despite his threats. He considered the logistics of jumping over the balcony, (which he had done before, but it had gone poorly and he was a whole lot younger back then.) He was just weighing the pros-and-cons of making good on his previous threats and breaking out, going and finding Big Mama and his children by force, when the doors opened.

She was in her human form, and looked perfectly casual, calm, and collected as she entered the box. As though she wasn’t aware of what she had done. As if she didn’t know what she was doing. Yoshi bristled, clenching his jaw as he stormed over.

“You cannot do this,” he hissed through grit teeth.

“Oh, but cuddlemuffin, I’m afraid the terms have already been agreed upon. I can’t just go back on my deal, now can I?” She tsked, walking right past him to head over to the couch, sitting down primly and crossing her legs. Yoshi chased after her, resisting the carnal urge to pick her up and throw her out of the Luxury Box.

(It wouldn’t even work, anyway.)

“Why not?!” He spat. “I see no reason why you cannot back out! Nothing has even happened yet-- just send them back home! There is no need for this.”

She sighed deeply, frowning as she turned to face him.

“Darling, I thought you’d be pleased,” she protested.

Yoshi’s face flushed bright red.

“Pleased?! Pleased?! Why would I be pleased with this!?”

“Well, I always thought you were quite fond of those little turleyboos--”

“They are my sons! Of course I am!”

“And that you missed them! So this way, you’ll get to be here together. Isn’t that better?”

“No! No, it is not better!”

“Oh, but huggypoo, this will be good. You’ll get to see them all the time this way! You lot can all have your little row-de-rows in my Nexus together, you’ll get to be around them all the time, and you’ll still get to be my fantabulous champion,” she said with a smile. “And don’t fib and pretend like you don’t like getting to be famous for me. They’ll like it too! I’m sure,” she insisted with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Everyone wins! Don’t you think?”

“You don’t believe that,” Yoshi whispered. “I know you don’t.”

She hummed, shrugged with a small smile, and turned away, picking up her teacup from the coffee table to take a sip.

“Please. I will stay with you. Just let them go. Don’t do this. You wouldn’t agree to this if you believed they would win. They are going to get hurt--”

“You’ll stay with me either way, Noodles,” she said, not even looking at him.

“If you do this,” he breathed, his voice weighed down with anger, with heat, with grief and with desperation. “I will never forgive you. I swear. If you go through with this, I will never forgive you for it, Gumo.”

She paused, turning just enough to give him a long look. It was almost soft-- as though she were sympathetic. And she tsked.

“Well, it’s not the first time I’ve heard that, now is it?”

---

If Leo was being totally honest with himself, this was exhausting. It was taxing and nerve-wracking, and every single time he opened up his mouth and spoke, he wondered if this was the time he was going to fuck it up and say the wrong thing and watch it all come crashing down around them.

He was the actor, like their dad, having begged him from the age of seven to let him do movies like he did. He had eventually bargained his way from local theater all the way up to supporting roles in a couple of films, taking immense pride in any play, commercial, TV show, or movie that had his name in the credits. He was that loud, funny kid in class who always had a quip or remark and who distracted the teacher so they didn’t have to do actual work. He was the best liar in his family, and had always been the one who would talk them out of situations when they found themselves in the middle of a mess-- like that time their basketball ended up in that construction site and they had to retrieve it. Or that time they tunneled under their elementary school.

But this? This was a beast of a different color. They had never had stakes higher than ‘detention’ before. Not like this.

“Okay, so, if we’re gonna make this work,” Leo had said, terrified out of his mind at being trapped in a room with a literal giant spider but pretending otherwise, draped casually in a red velvet chair across from her desk. “Obviously we’re going to need to put some PR into it, right? And if we’re gonna be pushing the ‘sons of Lou Jitsu’ angle, then we need to do something about--” he gestured to himself. “This whole situation. Otherwise, no one’s gonna buy it. So obviously we’re gonna have to fix these little doohickies,” he kind of flipped his wrist back and forth a few times, “And maybe give it, like, a day, maybe two? To get the word out there.” That should be enough time for Donnie to bounce back… The bruising and swelling had already gone down quite a bit, but he was still worried about his head. He’d like to give him a lot longer to recover from a concussion before sending him into a, like, legit deathmatch, but… “Which also means we have some time to work out some other little details, right? Like. Weapons, no weapons?... We can maybe take a look at both options, I dunno, do some mock-ups for the campaign posters and all that…”

She had listened, shockingly enough. Leo found that often, when he talked for too long, people would eventually stop listening. It was a common trait in his family. But she was listening, and, even better, seemed to actually be considering what he was saying, and Leo clung to that thread of hope desperately.

“My Lou Jitsu always fights without weapons,” she remarked, and Leo felt his stomach flip-flop for a second.

“Yeah, I mean. There’s definitely merit to that. But we’re trying to raise the stakes, right? Big blow-out type deal? So, you know, add some pointy things to the mix, and that usually pumps people up. Plus… merch opportunity!” He had added, stretching his lips wide over his teeth in the imitation of a grin, making sure to crinkle the corners of his eyes as well, because he’s not an amateur. “Your guy can have your weapons, too! I mean, fair’s fair…”

She had smiled widely.

“My ‘guy’ doesn’t need any weapons.”

Leo’s heart had stuttered, just for a second, and a shiver skittered its way up his spine, but he kept himself still and kept his expression steady. “I mean, if you don’t like it, we don’t have to do it for the actual shebang! I’m just saying. Like. You know. Let’s explore all the marketing options, right?”

She had seemed almost amused by him at the time, but had agreed, saying that they could ‘take a look,’ and, after some further careful, calculated coaxing, had even agreed to let Leo into whatever armory or trophy room or vault their weapons were being held in to fetch them, though only after Leo had pitched the hell out of their own weapons providing ‘the best possible performance,’ and feigned an inability to describe their weapons well enough for any employee to fetch it for them.

Quite frankly, he was pretty much sure that the only reason he was able to get away with any of this was because she didn’t see him as a threat. She wasn’t stupid, by any means, Leo already knew, and he wasn’t completely fooling her. But she was already sure that she would win, and she thought that he was funny, or so it seemed, so she was willing to go along with his act and laugh at him as they went. That was fine. Leo would do whatever worked.

And now he was here. Just him, a giant spider woman, five armed guards, and about half a million mystic artifacts filling up a tightly locked, hidden room, where no one would ever find his body.

No problem.

“Jeez, do you just, like, throw things in here?” He mumbled, taking big, long strides as he wandered through the space, picking over and through all the various amulets and enchanted swords and cursed statuettes-- lingering over each one, just for a moment, leaning over to examine them before moving along to the next thing. “Have you ever considered investing in a label maker?--”

“We’re not here for a tour, foozle,” she had remarked primly, narrowing her eyes in such a way that made Leo inwardly sweat a bit. He was toeing the line-- he had been toeing the line for a while now and he knew it, and he picked up the pace, even as he continued to roam, wandering a wide lap around the vault.

“Do you have, like, a magic weapon shelf, or…?”

“Tick tock. Find your things, or you’ll leave without anything, dear.”

“Oh, here they are!” He exclaimed, pointing at the previously confiscated odachi. “This would be April’s, and the lame stick is Donnie’s…”

He knew better than to grab for any of them. That’s how you get in trouble. April’s dad taught him better than that. The guards collected them in his stead once he had pointed them out.

“There we go,” she said, making her way back to the exit. “Now, then, I’ll just take that little booble from you.”

Leo froze.

“Take what?”

“Well, foozle, you did want me to patch up those little trinkley-dinks you have on your wrists, didn’t you?” She hummed.

Oh.

Right.

He did say that.

He supposed he just hadn’t realized he’d have to… take it off. For the first time, he stumbled, hesitating ever-so-slightly.

“I. Uh. I’m not sure if I… can…” he said, pulling experimentally at the bracelet curled around his wrist. The bracelet that had been there the past ten years of his life. The bracelet that had always clearly, at least in his mind, marked him as a Hamato. The bracelet that ‘kept him safe.’

The bracelet that he had never, not once in his life, ever taken off.

“Oh, of course you can. You just have to want to take it off. It’s a simple little trickey-trick. Just think about it when you do it, and it’ll slide right off, no trouble to it. You do want me to fix them, don’t you?”

“... Yeah.”

“Then take it off.”

Leo paused, just for a moment. This was silly, wasn’t it? He knew now what it did, what its purpose was, why they didn’t take it off… And it really wasn’t doing anything right now, as clearly evidenced by his scaly green skin and the cinnamon red crescent moons streaking across his face.

But still…

He swallowed hard. And he removed the bracelet.

It was easy, just like she said. It slipped right off his wrist without any real trouble once he made the conscious, definitive decision to do so.

Nothing in the world changed. He didn’t change. Nothing terrible happened-- there were no screams, no meteor strikes, no alien invasions. His body felt just the same as before.

He handed it over.

“Now then, give me a few hours with it, and it’ll be good as new. I’ll collect your brothers’ as well, and I’ll get all this higgeldy-piggeldy all sorted for you little turtleyboos,” she assured, all but herding Leo out of the vault, back out into her office. Leo felt a bit dazed.

“Right… Thanks.”

“Now, then. You can take him back to his room. Your trinket will be delivered later this evening. Toddle off now,” she waved them dismissively, and two of the guards fell into step beside him, beginning to guide him from the office. Leo struggled to keep his steps even, suddenly feeling a bit unsteady.

His wrist felt… empty.

Though his siblings and he were no longer being kept in a dungeon, it would be foolish to believe that the hotel rooms they had been put up in were anything aside from nicer prisons. At least they had beds now, but it was pretty clear that they were not to leave the rooms without explicit permission, so he had, in exchange, lost any direct contact with his family, each of them sequestered away on their own.

I can’t believe I’m missing a jail cell, he thought to himself with a roll of his eyes as he was ushered into the room, the door slammed shut behind him. The attitude was so not necessary.

But that had gone better than he thought it would.

He hurried to his bed, doing a quick visual sweep of the room, just in case, making absolute certain there were no prying eyes before he sat down, unzipping his hoodie just enough so that he could shake a fuzzy yellow yokai out of it. The creature tumbled from where it had been hiding near the largest curve of his shell, tucked away beneath the folds of his sweatshirt’s hood, helpfully concealing the critter.

“Jesus, dude! We have got to trim your nails,” Leo hissed, reaching to rub the back of his neck and give them a look. Mayhem blinked up at him, chittering in response and waving his tail. Leo just sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Please tell me you saw something helpful in there,” he begged.

To his absolute relief, the creature puffed itself out, giving a definitive nod of its head, and Leo felt a huge weight tumble from his shoulders. “Oh thank god,” he huffed, flopping back down across the bed, resting his hands on his face for a second. This had been such a fucking shot in the dark! The entire plan was ‘investigate as much as possible and pray that I either figure it out or Mayhem knows something.’ After taking a moment to compose himself, breathing in deep, he came back out from the cover of his hands, glancing over at Mayhem again as they hopped up to their paws and promptly disappeared in a twinkle of blue.

He reminded himself to treat April to a pizza or something one of these days for finding this little guy.

Scooting back up into a sitting position, he grabbed the little “Grand Nexus Hotel” branded notepad and matching pen from the nightstand, scribbling out a quick message.

“Might have something. Don’t worry. Fixing the bracelets. See you all soon.”

He didn’t dare put too much information down in writing, should their Mayhem-sponsored-Pony-Express style of communication be intercepted. But at least he could tell them something. He’d ask Mayhem to pass it around to his siblings once he was able. He knew that blipping around too much tired him out.

But jesus, is it useful, he thought to himself as Mayhem came warping back into the room, hopping gracefully back down onto the bed and scampering over, proudly dropping something into Leo’s hand-- like a dog fetching a tennis ball, wagging tail and everything.

“This is it?” He questioned, raising a brow, and Mayhem nodded, gesturing a few times. Leo sighed and shrugged. Well, it wasn’t like he had any room to doubt them anyway, and so he pocketed the item, reaching over to pet the yokai’s head, scratching at his ears.

“Nice job, buddy,” he muttered, getting a happy little trill from Mayhem in reply. Leo couldn’t help but smile. “We’d be so screwed without you.”

He frowned a bit, chewing the corners of his lips for a moment.

“You make it look so easy…”

There was a moment of silence, the only sound in the room being Mayhem’s happy little chirps and barks. Leo pet them for a bit longer, before finally, he pulled away, shifting back so that he could sit up properly-- legs crossed, hands rested on his knees, back straight.

Mayhem whined slightly, pawing at Leo’s leg, and he chuckled softly.

“Sorry, bud,” he hummed softly, letting out a long, slow breath. “I’ve got a lot of practice to get through.”

Okay.

Let’s move.

---

His skin was chocolate brown. It was relatively smooth and relatively untextured, save for the occasional blemish or spot (thanks, puberty,) and polka-dotted all over with freckles. The fact that he had hair at all was noteworthy-- twisted into ombre locs, they shifted from a rich, inky black at the roots to a pale orangey-hue at the ends, tipped with colorful beads. His fingers were just as dexterous and capable as he remembered them-- and there were five of them on each hand.

It had felt so achingly odd to be without his bracelet. But now that it was back on his wrist, Mikey noted that he really didn’t feel much at ease at all.

Things still felt… off.

He examined his face in the mirror, pinching his cheeks, pulling back his lips to inspect his teeth, leaning in close to peer at his own eyes in the reflection. He tugged at his ears, spinning the little star earrings that he had miraculously maintained throughout everything a few times. He pulled off his shirt so he could look at his back-- watching how the muscles shifted beneath the skin, reaching back so he could run his fingers along the knobs of his own spine, plain and clear to see.

This was his body. This was the body he had always had, or so he had thought. The body that he had grown up in. He looked at himself, and it was familiar. He looked at himself and thought, hey, that’s me!

So why did everything feel so alien?

He ran through the same routine again, breaking down his entire self from head-to-toe, and didn’t feel any better by the end of it. He did it for a third time, and fourth time, and a fifth, but still, the feeling persisted. Mikey scowled deeply, chewing on the insides of his own cheek.

Why did he feel like he was being tricked when he saw himself now?

Everything looked real. It all felt real. His shoulders, his feet, his fingers, they all seemed perfectly natural and normal and genuine to him, but now he knew that none of it was, and it made something inside his stomach twitch just the tiniest bit with an emotion that he couldn’t quite name. What? Anger? Anxiety? Confusion? This, too, he re-visited over and over, but couldn’t resolve. And he hated it. Not just the feeling itself, but just--

Just not knowing. Not understanding. It just made it worse, not being able to identify it while it was taking over, completely encompassing him, soaking every bit of his body like gasoline, and he didn’t know what the feeling was but he just-- he just-- felt--

A thin ribbon of smoke caught the corner of his eye.

Mikey yelped, his hand immediately ripping itself away from the dresser he had been leaning against, revealing a scorched handprint underneath, and went reeling backwards. He didn’t stop until his back hit a wall, and he nearly fell over, his heart hammering a tempo prestissimo in his ears.

Not again. Not again. Not again. Mikey whined loudly, balling his hands up into fists and drawing himself in, as if to hide, to tuck in close and make himself small. Tears began beading up along his eyes like pearls, immediately ready to answer this call to action and throw themselves over onto the frontlines, and Mikey swallowed back a sob. This couldn’t keep happening. He couldn’t keep letting himself lose control.

He was the one who started this whole thing in the first place when he lit his notebook on fire. Their life had been perfect before that happened.

He was the reason that Donnie got hurt. He never would have had to protect him if he hadn’t lost control of his weapon.

And now he was the reason there was a smoldering handprint on the dresser, and he didn’t even understand why or how to stop it! He had no idea how to fix it, but he couldn’t let this keep happening.

He could not let himself keep being a liability to his family.

---

When Raph had finally been allowed to see his siblings again, he had grabbed them all and hugged them as tight as he possibly could. It really hadn’t been that long since they all saw each other-- but it had been way, way too long to be alone.

Raph hated being alone. He didn’t care if he was in some nice, fancy hotel room now or whatever. He’d gladly go back to the dungeons if he could do so with his siblings. He had spent the entire time pacing, floating in and out of various degrees of panic. The only reason that he hadn’t gone totally off his rocker was Mayhem, who spent a majority of the time with him, and brought him little written messages from his family every few hours or so.

Every time he was about to really, truly lose it, he’d get some little note from April, some doodle from Mikey, some scribbles from Leo or Donnie, and he’d be able to remind himself that yes-- definitively, most certainly, without a doubt, they were all okay. They were close by and hadn’t forgotten about him, were thinking about him, and they’d see him again soon.

And they did.

And he didn’t want to let go.

In fact, it had taken a bit of convincing from his family before he finally released them from the embrace, chuckling nervously and rubbing the back of his neck, mumbling out a few apologies even though he knew they didn’t hold it against him. And, yeah okay, he felt better now that they were all here, but…

It could be under better circumstances.

The locker room was empty except for him and his siblings, and he supposed that that, at least, was an upside. Less people, less stress, right? And his family was all here. Or, well, most of them, at least… But April and his little brothers, they were all right here, and he could see all of them, so it was fine…

He just really wished their dad was here. He wished he at least knew where they were keeping him. He knew that he’d be here if he had a choice.

He paced through the aisles, clenching and unclenching his jaw.

“Poor little guy. After all he’s done for us, and we’ve totally exhausted him,” April tsked softly, holding Mayhem in her arms as if he were a baby. The yokai was completely passed out after spending the past day or so continuously bouncing around hotel rooms to pass along messages, and Raph winced with quiet guilt. He chewed at the joints of his fingers.

“He’s earned his naptime for sure,” Leo muttered, smirking a tiny bit, watching as April carefully settled the yokai down into a little nest of towels on the benches.

Raph wrinkled up his nose, resisting a whine.

“It’s okay. He’ll be safe and sound back here while we’re busy kicking Nexus butt!” Mikey chirped, grinning.

How could the rest of them all be so calm!?

They were literally about to go into the freakin’ ring of terror and fight for their lives! For their freedom! Didn’t they understand how high the stakes were? Weren’t they concerned?! What if they didn’t win? What if someone got hurt, or worse--

“Raph.”

Raph jumped at the sound of his name, his eyes snapping around to meet April’s eyes

“Everything is going to be okay,” she soothed, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. “Look. I’m freaked out, too! But we’re all going in there together, okay? We’ve got your back! And we all have you to look out for us and protect us, too! We’ll be fine.”

And it was reassuring. Really, it was. But tears built up in Raph’s eyes anyway, completely without his consent, and his lip started to absolutely tremble even as he nodded. Mikey got over to him even before April could, somehow, crashing into his side with a hug, the rest of the family close behind-- even Donnie.

“It’ll be okay, big guy,” April assured, snuggled up against his side. “You guys are literally world-champion martial artists! You’re the actual sons of Lou Jitsu! We got this!”

“Yeah. And it’s not like we’re going in there alone, remember? We’ll all cover each other,” Leo said. “I mean, come on, if Dad can do it on his own, then it’s gonna be a piece of cake with all of us in there, right?”

He forced a weary little laugh, hugging his family close.

Oh god. How was he gonna protect them all?...

“Right. Yeah, okay. We’ll be alright,” he said, sighing deeply, and no sooner had he said this did a bright green light blare above the doors, flashing insistently at them. All of them floundered for a moment, and it took Raph a moment to realize that they were all looking at him.

“I think that means it’s time to go,” he muttered, taking a long, deep, shaking breath. “... Everyone just stick close, alright? And… follow my lead.”

The group gave a chorus of mumbled agreements, and Raph bit the inside of his cheek. Aw man. Now he just had to figure out what lead they were gonna follow…

With a long, deep breath, Raph made his way through the door, trusting that his siblings were all right behind him. Already, the air in the tunnel felt different somehow. Colder. It prickled at his skin and he drew his flannel a bit closer to himself, gritting his teeth.

“Introducing--” The booming voice that came over the announcement system was so loud it shook the walls, and Raph’s steps stumbled ever so slightly. He moved a bit closer to his siblings, keeping pace with them as they made their way down the tunnel. He thought dimly to himself that it was just like football-- rushing out onto the field at the start of the game.

Right. Sure. This is just another game. Another tournament or competition or something. Just… Think about it that way.

“For the first time EVER in the Battle Nexus--”

It wasn’t a game, though. Not for them. This was real. This was life or death.

Oh, god, what were they thinking? This was a horrible idea. Something bad was gonna happen. Someone was gonna get hurt--

This is how you bring Dad home, a little voice in his head reminded him, and Raph steeled himself, clenching his hands into fists.

This is how we bring Dad home. This is how we’re gonna bring Dad home. You all have each others’ backs-- and this is how we save Dad. Everyone is counting on you, big guy.

We can’t screw this one up. This is how you protect our family.

As they stepped out into the ring, Raph winced at the glare of the lights. Everywhere he looked, there were faces of unfamiliar creatures absolutely screaming at him. The roaring of the crowd was so frantic and loud that at some point, it stopped being voices and all melted together into one roaring buzz, threatening to swallow them all up and drown them. Raph swallowed.

No backing down down.

“The sons of Lou Jitsu!”

[ next ]

#sorrywhatnowau #sorrywhatnowau fanfic #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt fanfiction #fanfic #writing #rottmnt human au #tmnt human au #fidgetwing

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murfpersonalblog · 4 months

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IWTV S2 Ep3 - Armand as Unreliable Narrator

I'm seeing a lot of posts defending AMC!Armand against fans thinking he's lying or untrustworthy or something. I've seen people point out valid things like AMC's deliberate twisting / reckless disregard of book canon; to bad takes stemming from shipping wars; to personal preferences & biases.

My reservations against AMC!Armand go all the way back to S1, when we saw those floating bookshelves and sliced pages in Claudia's diary. I've long since been of the suspicion that Armand's not necessarily forcing Louis against his will or anything THAT nefarious; but that he's definitely been taking advantage of Louis' need for someone to help stop him from going off the deep end--and more importantly, that he's been taking more than his fair share of autonomy over things Louis does/doesn't have access to--specifically: information/knowledge.

For me, GABRIELLE'S absence is the most telling red flag. Cuz the writers know good & well that they want S3/TVL; Rolin never shuts up about it. It's not that AMC isn't doing the books so we don't need to expect it to be 1:1--it's that THEY ARE doing the books! They're planting seeds through deliberate misdirection & omission.

Gab's arguably the most important/impactful person in Lestat's life b4 he meets Louis. She's Les' very first fledgling. She's there when Armand kidnaps Nicki; she's there when Alessandra explains the Devil's Road for the first time (a scene AMC was obvs inspired by with Daciana in 2x1); she's there when Les leaves the Theatre; she's everywhere.

And what's more:

Armand hates Gabrielle's GUTS.

Gabrielle's "useless" to Armand, but she was EVERYTHING to Les, and most of his emotional damage & abandonment issues come from her. Armand KNEW to weaponize Magnus' suicide & Gab's lackluster treatment of child!Les as the best way to seduce him!

Armand, like Claudia, is DESPERATE for someone to want & need him as their #1.

Louis is pretty good for this--if only he'd hurry up & get over Lestat (& Claudia) already.

In the book!IWTV/TVA, Armand dumped Louis when Lou gave up on being happy & got way too depressed for Armand to help him anymore. But Armand really wanted Lestat. Cuz Lestat is CLINGY--he doesn't pack & up leave (ie: give up) without a DARN good reason--and it's mighty sus that Armand didn't mention that Les & Gab left him to look for HIS MAKER, MARIUS, cuz Armand didn't know ISH, and doubted Marius was still alive--cuz if he was still alive, why had ARMAND been ABANDONED BY MARIUS for all those centuries, left for dead with the Children of Darkness/Satan? 👀💔

Lestat is a carbon copy of Marius, down to the blonde hair, blue eyes, and red velvet. Armand's Louis' rebound of Lestat, but Lestat's Armand's rebound of Marius.

Louis is not the only vampire who lives in a constant state of denial/delusion, running from his fears. They are both exact opposites of Lestat, who confronts his fears head-on.

I'm becoming increasingly convinced that if Lestat IS asleep in the penthouse, Louis doesn't know--or he doesn't have all the correct info. Cuz Armand's been isolating Louis this whole time in their weird cage/penthouse, with its jail bars and floating bookcases. He is ACTIVELY AGAINST this entire interview; and he encourages any & all contradictory talk of Lestat being "dead"--

--so it makes sense that he wouldn't want Louis to know anything about Gabrielle, as that would be someone who KNOWS Lestat, and would probably know where to find him (IF he's not comatose in the penthouse somewhere).

So for Armand to leave Gab out and make it seem like Mama's Boy Lestat was this cavalier playboy who cared about nothing & no one but himself (as per Louis' words to Daniel) just smacks of a highly slanted angle, that even LOUIS is ignorant of--I don't think AMC!Louis knows anything about Gabrielle's existence whatsoever. 👀 Yes, "Lestat never told me ish!;" but clearly ARMAND never told him the whole story, either. 😬🤫🤐

Then, there's Nickistat....

Plenty of interviews/reviewers already said Armand's petty, so I'm not surprised that the Nicki info doesn't add up. First off, it's a great way to garner sympathy from Louis, and create a connection, and act as an effective stimulus for Louis' own unpleasant experiences being cucked by Lestat. If Armand can convince Louis that Lestat did to Louis what Lestat did to Nicki, it just makes Lestat look worse; legitimizing why Loumand is oh-so-much-better; which they're actively tryna pitch to Daniel.

But it's a risky gamble though, cuz it also puts Armand in the same spot as Antoinette--and we see how that went. 😬💀🔥 Only this time it won't be Armand who ends up in flames, but Louis, if AMC pulls a Merrick.

It helps that "Lestat never told him ish," either, cuz Louis CLEARLY has no idea that Nicki died--AND HOW. Lestat admitted that he & Nicki "parted ways," but if that's all Louis knows, then ofc Armand can tack on that Nicki was abandoned & hung out to dry--that Lestat was giving Armand money through Roget, not NICKI; that the Theatre was Nicki's, NOT Armand's--and neatly omit everything about what really happened: that Nicki was mentally insane, thoroughly hated & resented Lestat by that point, and was eventually tortured & killed BY ARMAND and his coven when THEY couldn't handle him anymore--a la PAUL'S treatment by the DPDLs.

Armand NEEDS to come across as sympathetically as possible; otherwise he loses Louis AND Daniel to this interview--only this time he won't be the one sitting back letting it happen.

For me, Armand's unreliable not cuz cuz I hate him--on the contrary, I've said 1000 times that he's my fave character in TVC; and Assad's doing an excellent job with him so far. But I don't trust him cuz I KNOW HIM--the fandom calls him a GREMLIN for a reason. I know the stunts he pulled in TVL (telling Daniel the Children of Darkness/Satan killed themselves, when in the book Armand killed them all (except for Eleni, Felix, and like 2 others IDER--they're all Rhoshamandes' fledglings IIRC). He's reduced Nicki's role significantly; making him seem like some desperate twink, while not mentioning how Nicki was half mad before Armand chopped his hands off & forced him to kill himself when he couldn't play violin anymore.

Armand is a MENACE in the early books, and he was originally supposed to be a main TVC villain before Anne Rice realized how much she liked him in QotD and toned him TF down--same way she did with Lestat's transition from IWTV to TVL.

THAT'S why Armand is both lovable/likable and also SUS AF. At least for me. I can't speak for other fans, ofc, cuz I know some folks approach Armand from totally different angles.

#the vampire armand #interview with the vampire #the vampire chronicles #loumand #iwtv tvc metas #marius de romanus #iwtv season 2 spoilers

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yyadream · 6 months

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Family Dinner

Splinter barging into the living room where Leo, Donnie, Frida, and Miwa are watching Lou Jitsu Movie.

Splinter: Kids, get ready!! We’re invited to meet April’s parents. So you guys better dress in business casual!

Splinter: Oh, I can even make my famous green bean casserole.

Splinter walked away from the room to make his dish.

Miwa: Wait you guys haven’t meet April’s parents?

Donnie: Sadly no, April was afraid they’ll freak and may forbid her from seeing us.

Miwa: oh make sense.

Leo: But you and mom were totally fine when you first meet us.

Miwa: Well, that’s because I was a weird kid being able to sense a yokai in their human disguise. Well mom just got used to it.

Leo: You’re still a weird kid, big sis.

Miwa: Shut Leon! *shoving Leo off the bean bag*

Donnie: That’s odd, April would have given us a heads up if she was going to finally talk to her parents about us?

Leo: I bet you this has to do with Mikey wanting to give Draxum a second chance.

Donnie and Miwa: *looks at each other* You’re on!

Miwa: *clapped hands* Alright ladies, let get ready or else dad gets mad. Leo can you be a dear and open a portal to my room.

Miwa looked at Frida.

Miwa: Hey Frida, do you have anything nice to wear? If not you can borrow some of my clothes.

Frida: I’m not going if this is to redeem Draxum.

Leo: Is it because of Mona?

Frida: Yes, he’s the reason for her mutation and her family abandoning her. So he doesn’t deserve a second chance.

Miwa: I understand, I’m not going to force you.

Donnie: The issue is Mikey, we known him longer than you guys but he won’t really understand. He’s an optimistic, he sometimes see the good in things.

Leo: So you not being there will crush him. Even if you don’t like his ideal, Mikey would rather you be there for moral support.

Leo: Another thing, I don’t want to be alone with these two nerds and dad dealing with Mikey’s “I can change them.” I need my favorite sister and triplet.

Miwa: You’re dead to me, Leon.

Donnie: I’ll remember that, Nardo.

Frida giggles

Leo: If Draxum try to act up just guilty trip him. Mona may have adjusted to her new life, but from what I heard from Leatherhead and Olivier, she still miss the life she was forced to leave behind.

Frida: Okay, I’ll go but just for moral support to our baby brother. *whisper* maybe make Draxum life miserable too.

Frida: Miwa, can borrow some clothes? I don’t have anything nice to wear.

Miwa: You got it little sis.

Splinter appearing out of blue, while Leo open a portal to Miwa room.

Splinter: Miwa, you’re heading home.

Miwa: Why?

Splinter: If orange hasn’t invited Tang Shen yet, please don’t tell your mother. I don’t want to make the dinner table awkward with divorce parents.

Miwa looking at her dad and siblings: oh yeah that’s totally the least of our worries.

Splinter: I knew you’ll understand. You guys better be dress and ready by the time my green bean casserole is ready.

*Artist note*

Miwa is Lou Jitsu and Tang Shen illegitimate daughter. Lou and Tang eloped and after 2yrs they divorced because of Big Mama. Shen found out she was pregnant with Lou daughter after he disappeared. Tang Shen made sure Miwa kept the Hamato surname and this makes her the oldest sibling. Tang Shen is currently still alive.

Frida is Miwa and the boys long lost sister and Olivier’s assistant. In my version, the assistant we see in the serie is actually Big Mama’s adoptive daughter, Olivier’s, assistant. I also made Donnie, Leo, and Frida to be triplets.

Mona Lisa and Leatherhead also work for Olivier.

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officalroyalsofpierreland · 10 months

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Off Campus, University of Brichester, Pierreland

Magdalena [thinking]: Watcher Dammnit Lou...this is the fourth time this month... I can't keep spending money on expensive glasses of wine like this...I could just drink in my pjs...

Magnus: Hey Magdalena...you okay? Magdalena: Magnus? Oh...kinda. I was waiting for Louis and he..just told me he can't come....again Magnus: Fourth time this month right? Magdalena [sighing]: yeah... Magnus: Let me guess. He just told you too. Magdalena [sighing even more]: yeah Magnus: And this guy is supposed to be your best friend, yet he keeps standing you up.

Magdalena: He's at PIMA...the Pierreland Imperial Military Academy...and he just started...and they're strict and- Magnus: My cousin went to the Polytechnic in Francesim, and even they weren't so strict with him...granted he was finishing studies and was an exchange student but even he was able to meet people for drinks...it's actually where he found his girlfriend. Magdalena: Lou...Lou would've made it if-

Magnus: Why do you keep giving him chances? From what I can tell, he's been letting you down but you would jump at any time for him Magdalena: He's given me so many...[thinking] it's Lou...we've been with each other since diapers...he's..he's so critical to my life..and...I don't know who I'd be without him... Magnus: But just cause he's given you chances in the past, doesn't mean you have to continue to give him chances.

Magdalena: We go back...really far and...he's been there for somethings that few people have stayed for, but you make a point...I think it'd just be...nice if he made plans like this on breaks...where the time is for sure... Magnus: I'd bring that up to him...that way the time is quality but also so you aren't paying for expensive glasses of wine and getting dolled up just to sit on your lonesome. Not that I'm complaining. Magdalena [giggling]: Thanks...what are you doing here any way? Didn't think this was your scene. Magnus [chuckling]: You're right...it isn't..the unit for my regiment back home wanted to host a get together and I figured I'd have a drink and head out...seeing you was a way to work my way out of that rambunctious group.

Magdalena [nervously]: Wanna finish these and get out of here? Magnus: for sure.

Magnus: I never realized how beautiful Pierreland could be...especially in the fall. Magdalena: Mama would tell me about it. She'd joke with my Dad that if it wasn't for the two of us, she would've returned to Pierreland. She also makes sure we come to Pierreland every so often, which is why Louis and I are so close. Our mom's are really close. Magnus: You don't speak much of your family. Magdalena: Neither do you. Magnus: I asked first Magdalena: Well, I'm the oldest of four. Though with my parents, who knows if I'll have more siblings. I'm technically adopted by my mom but she's been in my life forever and I didn't even know my incubator so Mom has always been mom. I love my parents, even though their mushiness is nauseating. Siblings are great though a bit irritating. Kinda sucks my parents are super busy though. What about you?

Magnus: Well, I'm the oldest of three, we're all boys so it sometimes felt a little bit more like we lived in the hunger games [Maggie laughs]. I'm close to my cousin whose an only child so we'd get into mischief. My parents are great, Dad was in the army and- Magdalena [thinking]: Why is Louis still on my mind...he stood me up...he kinda takes me for granted and here's Magnus who kinda reminds me of Papa and Mama...he's so nice, sweet, intelligent and damn his jaw line is amazing and yet...why does my heart hurt cause of Louis but races around Magnus...what the hell is wrong with me

Magnus: Magdalena? [his voice grows soft] Everything all right? Magdalena: I'm sorry...a lot on my mind and I didn't mean to ignore- Magnus [softly hums]: It's alright Maggie. You've had a lot on your mind. You got stood up by your best friend, and you were looking forward to that time together. Magdalena: But I was ignoring you. You always make time for me, provide me with wisdom and insight, and always listen. I shouldn't take you for granted.

Magnus: You would never be able to take me for granted Maggie. You have reminded me of my first love, reminded me of what it's like to have no responsibilites, how to move through the world with waves instead of the strict lines I've been trained...you've reminded me that I'm young...not like my older mentors...that life isn't all that serious Magdalena: It's shocking I remind you of no responsibilties...I have so many... Magnus: We're both the eldest and that responsibility is heavy...but you've been walking lighter recently...like that weight is lifting

Magdalena: Really? Magnus: Really....Your eyes are also so much brighter....it's like staring into an even more beautiful and clearer ocean... Magdalena: Maybe...it's cause for the first time in a while....I feel supported by someone who isn't my parents

Magnus: which is what you deserve. You deserve to be supported. Magdalena: That...that is the first time in a long time that I've heard that and believed it. Magnus: May I? Magdalena: You may.

@simsroyallegacy

#officalroyalsofpierreland #story #collab #simsroyallegacy #sim: magnus of scots #sim: magdalena of lunaria

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werewolf-w1tch · 2 years

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part 4 of my ROTTMNT x TMA crossover analyses in which i decide which TMA entity a character from ROTTMNT would serve/vibe with! (villain edition 2: electric boogaloo)

parts one two three

we back babey!! it’s been a bit of a week for me hence the delay on this, but i’m ready to get back into the analysis mindset. i’m gonna continue the villain streak from part three cause i didn’t quite get to everyone, so it’s big bad time!

spoilers for tma and rottmnt!

kicking off the post with barry draxum!

i really really like draxum ok. i like everything about him. if donnie weren’t donnie then draxum would probably be my favorite character. he’s so funky. my poor little meow meow.

as i did with splinter, i wanted to split draxum into baron draxum and barry draxum for funsies. i’ll be doing the same with shredder.

baron draxum is a corruption-aligned eye avatar with a healthy dosing of slaughter and spiral tossed into that rancid smoothie. i chose the spiral for the same reason i gave it to mikey: mystic shit. baron draxum was also a warrior alongside being a scientist and that man has absolutely killed before. he just gives me those vibes.

barry draxum is a corruption-marked (cause the entities never really leave you) eye avatar with that same spiral but who is also leaning more towards the flesh when he becomes a lunch lady. you could also argue some lonely for him at the beginning of his redemption arc bc he’s living alone with no purpose having had his life force literally ripped out of him. i also get the feeling that, like splinter, he misses his glory days. i doubt he would go back to them bc he cares too much about the boys to want to go back but i can’t imagine he doesn’t have days where he reminisces on himself at his peak, powerful and respected. once he and splinter make up and he starts getting along with the boys, then he manages to break free of the hold the lonely has on him.

big mama!

i am very gay ok. preddy lady manipulate turrtles go brrrr. she is also the villain ever. again, if donnie weren’t donnie then she and draxum would be fighting each other to the death over who my favorite character would be. WAIT WHY ARE ALL MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS THE PURPLE ONES-

big mama is an hunt-aligned web avatar with a side of eye and a dash of the slaughter (it’s a very big dash ok). no one is surprised she’s a web avatar; she’s got the spider motif and she’s very manipulative with eyes and ears everywhere in the hidden city. she’s very intelligent and has a clear eye for talent, always on the hunt for her next champion. she is also so violent and you know what i support women’s wrongs. do you ever wonder if she regretted putting lou jitsu in the battle nexus (not enough to pull him out, but like do you think she ever regretted not saying yes and just having a life with him. anyway)

shredder!

PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE WHY DOES HE STAND LIKE THAT HE’S STANDING LIKE HE’S IN YOUR DOORWAY AT TWO IN THE MORNING TO TELL YOU HE THREW UP

shredder is gonna be split into the shredder at the end of season1/beginning of season2 and then the shredder in the finale.

end of s1 shredder is an extinction-aligned slaughter avatar with a bit of stuck-on spiral. the spiral comes from his constant blipping in and out of reality as he was teleported around new york. not much to say for him, he’s pretty self-explanatory. this shredder was terrifying because he was powerful (though not quite as powerful as finale shredder) and also because he just attacked everything in sight as brutally as he could. there was no strategy, just murder.

finale shredder is an eye-marked extinction avatar with that same slaughter in him, just not quite as much as s1/2 shredder. THIS shredder was so much more dangerous because he was now awake and aware and could thus use his abilities and skills to the fullest and by god did he. i don’t have experience with other shredder incarnations but i fucking adored this shredder while he was around. what can i say i’ve got a soft spot for villains.

the krang!

GOD what to say about the krang. i’m in love with the mech suit of krang prime and as villains themselves the krang were everything i love in antagonists. body horror galore and they were absolutely terrifying. i liked that they felt like their own characters too; they had the same goal and they had their similarities but they still felt like different people yk? it was so funny getting the whiplash i got when i learned what the krang are in 2012 vs here. 10/10 one and done villains.

the krang are all slaughter-aligned extinction avatars with their own flair. krang prime is eye-aligned since he was obviously the brains of the operation. brownie krang (the little one) is flesh-aligned with all his ooey-gooey drippy disgustingness. murder krang is slaughter-aligned since she came out the door fucking SWINGING. i feel like if she weren’t evil (or if cassandra was) and didn’t hate every living thing she and cassandra would get along well.

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inworldopeningfromlockdown · 2 years

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Why talk phone of your sometimes why not see what I say? I wouldn't understand that you couldn't stop cockroach she's all cockroach. She's not going on she's a baby why do you think a baby is a baby? She's a baby she's a baby she's a Vicky boy. She's the stimulus no one cares is that when I come no 1 knows. It's gone but for you I guess so in normal people time. I don't know how you're don't know I just realized that climb martial law. I think it said it come on son I thought it was me. I'll make it up a lot then it's simply a time that we're doing you've got to get my adderall so know and be crazy I. Don't know how I teach you but you still get mad at all. On a country mom will be listed the same because I have a f****** Jewish. I meet the f****** at bazari God you won't tell me you're a long guy and John bobut. I'm dying I'm drunk Babe I don't know is everyone dying. Will I do not like poop you don't block now me? I got Alexa I'm in the hotel at 161. Are you gonna? Give me a little bit of a government problem. As and generals that I tell you a long time ago but they're almost connected to me. I got a lot of smoke cigarette on the job with them s*** I don't know I didn't even get a scholarship good. This drug is good. He's dead all's good to say and then no the telephone data I'm not a modular. I just can't lock the ground Valley. I guess it lives at 18 times. The Bush army have around and then democrats are responsible to us b****. I'll point to the 12 now. I'm not dead yes I don't I don't know I'm bothering. I hope you make I to league on Monday come out and decide. You're not really I just tell you this and I want to be this kid you really got like I. Have your life do they have my monkey d***? It won't let me tell you that but I don't want to. Worry I don't know and you're going on to jazz and I'm a pretty good idea. I don't know little marshmallow. I sound pretty pretty good and I'm glad you're doing it pretty good. They're trying to teach you green cinema and I'm trying to get one and they get on express things. I know I'm not looking I'm really understood Hannah. I don't know I don't know I'm in the Mike lobby won't let you live with me. They're like when they go found the animal they've gotten like God's scared if you would doubt me cause we're drunk in the vertical ways she. Didn't hit more violent? How much love does matter what you're saying the same thing I don't know? The judge also realized that the get gay gay mockingbird is blind tails more ran away and then in the cause place serious. I'm gonna go there. I'm like the uh the Jay ran away into the agenda. I even know the president made of amazing joint 11. This is what I say it's about the Subway and it's the power in Janet. Is power in Subway with the same area not a genius he just won't get on the show? I don't know I'm probably gonna say that the body is kind of genius. It's like I'm making them a story I'm supposed to hold to jump the same time while driving. I'm f****** serious you're particularly in a drink. They're just a part of it they're living in Puerto Rico in the 2nd seat Monday. How's that going to show mama about h*** don't you remember well? I don't know I don't know how to laugh at Mike Lou. You will why? Won't why you're a cell phone I don't know you? I don't do anything elwe'll I'll. Do you even yes and down you're going along like yo whether you're mad at me? I don't know you didn't like you'd live with me OK you laugh at me? You probably the person every time I have a good job and a great record says your mom every time. They're in bed and they're getting a little new or a vitamin in the record. I don't know why you think it was OK. Do not say I don't want your dad knew what he wants to mention on the future. He's going to be warm for me huzzing and I'll be with you in this world. Log down

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dear-ao3 · 3 years

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Youguys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey

sticks,dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All

right,here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no!

You'redating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be

lunch formy iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former

queenshere in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see

how,by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but

thereare other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your

smokinggun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out

likethis. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But

isn'the your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see

anickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

- bee movie anon

#if i had to see this all you fuckers do to #not a tag #from saph #im not having a good morning and this made me cry thanks for that #the bee movie #long post

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hamatoclan76 · 3 years

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Rise Splinter isn´t a very good parent and that´s okay.

Look, before someone starts throwing tomatoes i want to clarify something: I like Splinter from Rottmnt and i really like Rise of the Tmnt. People who have followed me for a while know i enjoy the series and i´m sad about it how was cancelled. I also want to say that i don´t think other Splinters are 100% perfect and they have their own issues too.

What i don´t like is how the Rise of the tmnt fandom often overlooks Rise Splinter´s character flaws and pretends that he is a perfect father figure because this is not something supported by both by the narrative and his character growth.

So, what i´m going to do in this post is to examine his character flaws, his role as parent and character arc in the series. The point of this is to bring up this flaws to light, this is not a ¨character critical¨ or whatever you want to call it. It´s supposed to be character analysis, okay?

Let´s start with the short Turtle Tots short:

Link to the short:

https://www.facebook.com/teenagemutantninjaturtles/videos/626074331524980/

This short is when the turtle brothers are still very young. We see that Splinter is trying to train them but he keeps watching a show he likes on TV. This short shows Splinter didn´t care about training his sons enough even when they were younger. He also leaves them with very dangerous weapons they don´t know how to use.

Splinter was already quite neglectful and careless since the start. He spend too much time watching TV rather than training his sons. It would more understandable if he was too busy working with something but here he is only watching a TV series. Later in the short he admits he should have paid more attention to the turtles and isn´t a good Sensei.

I have to say i didn´t like this short too much. I didn´t find funny the jokes of how Splinter ignores his sons for the TV series and leaves every 30 seconds. However, it provides some context for the characters and their relationship.

Now let´s talk about his characterization at the start of the series. (Season 1)

Splinter at the start of the series is usually seen watching TV, whatever is his old movies or shows that he likes. He is rarely seen training the turtles or talking to them. Sometimes their interactions are the boys trying to ask him about something while he is watching his series. Splinter either answers them or ignores them.

He is usually so caught up in his own world that he doesn´t seem to be aware of who are the turtles fighting against until it starts biting them back. The boys usually don´t tell him about their adventures on the surface. One could argue that he assumes that they barely get in trouble and they are just playing.

In the episode ¨The Fast and the Furriest¨ Splinter ¨steals¨ Turtle Tank and takes it for a ride without Donatello´s permision. The turtles go through a lot of trouble to get the Turtle Tank back. By the end of the episode its Donatello, his son,is the one who is putting a punishment on Splinter, who is supposed to be their father, for taking the Tank.

While Donnie getting angry at Splinter is quite funny,this episode shows that Yoshi can be very inmature at times, if not childish. He doesn´t ask his son to allow him use the tank, puts them in danger and is scolded like a child at the end instead of him being the ¨responsible adult figure¨.

Parents being cocky or careless isn´t something very new. There are parents that act as inmature or worse than Yoshi and would never admit they did something wrong. So, i take this episode as one of the examples that Splinter does this kind of things. He isn´t this selfish and reckless all the time, just sometimes.

Another aspect is that Splinter struggles with remember his sons´ names. He calls them by their color bandana instead of their real names. This sometimes can be funny but on the long run it becomes quite disturing,Imo. There is difference between ¨calling your son with an affectionate nickname¨ and ¨not remembering your sons´ name¨. There is a point that this it becomes sad.

The tmnt wiki describes Rise Splinter´s personality as a ¨Extremely flawed (albeit loved) father figure¨. This means that he has tons of flaws but he cares about his family: One clear example is when he helps Raphael with fighting his fear in ¨Mrs. Cuddles¨. He protects the big turtle a few times from the giant puppet monster and they defeat the monster together.

Splinter cares about April O´Neil like she was part of the family too. In episodes like "Always Be Brownies" he is seen hanging out with her and helping her. He also encourages April to believe more in herself since she has tons of doubts in that episode. (Season 2).

Hamato Yoshi / Splinter´s backstory

Lets say that Yoshi didn´t have the best childhood. His biological father was missing and he is not mentioned in the flashbacks. Splinter´s mother, Atsuko, left Yoshi when he was still a kid so she would be able to perform her family duty as protector in the Hamato family.

This terrible loss made Yoshi grow bitter with his Hamato duties and martial arts. He didn´t want anything to do with his family legacy since it was the reason that his mother was forced to left him. He had an argument with his maternal grandfather and sensei, Sho, and decided to use the skills he learned in during his training to become a superstar.

After many shenanigans involving his crush on Big Mama, a very powerful yokai, and Baron Draxum, Hamato Yoshi mutated into a humanoid rat and adopted the turtles, who were about to be used as soldiers by Draxum, like their own sons.

Splinter´s backstory explains a lot of his behaviour in the series: It´s implied his father died/left him, his own mother also left him to perform her duties and he has a very strained relationship with his grandparent. The reason of why he has so many problems when it comes to being a good father it is because he himself lacked good family support. It makes sense that he doesn´t seem to know what he is doing or why he is messy when he is takeing care of the turtles.

Speaking of that, this explains why he isn´t very involved in his sons´ training. Maybe he just doesn´t want them to carry the same burden that he did as a child or just dislikes the idea of training them because it reminds him of bad memories about his grandfather and his mother.

He also watches his old movies since it reminds him of the time he was living his life at his fullest and was doing something he enjoyed. It implies he has his mind stuck in the past, perhaps wishing he could still be human and live like superstar.

Splinter´s Character growth

Like i mentioned, Yoshi wasn´t very interested in training his sons at the start of the series. He was negletful and spent too much time watching his movies... This aspect of his character isn´t ignored.

When the turtles asked him to train him ¨The Evil League of Mutants" he put Lou-Jitsu films for them to watch, this made their sons think he wasn´t taking them seriously and decided to go out on their own. While Splinter´s intention was to show them the basics by them learning the moves from the movies, he came off as he only cared about watching said films to their sons.

After noticing how his sons lack experience and need his help, he begans training them. Splinter gets more involved with his Hamato destiny and starts being more honest to the boys about his past as human and protector.

One episode that´s really worth of mentioning is ¨Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man¨: Splinter tricks Donatello and Mikey into going to a demolition center since he missed the old days he used to be a champion in the Battle Nexus. Donnie is very hurt when he finds out about this because he really wanted to spend more time with his father. By seeing this Yoshi realizes how his sons would like to do things together with him like hanging out. He apologizes to Donnie and tellshim that he may have lied but it is truth he wanted to spend time with him.

Along with getting more involved in his sons´s lives by teaching them and spending time with them, he lets Mikey hang out with Draxum because Mikey considers him part of the family too. (Draxum created them). He didn´t trust Draxum due to their mutual past but decides to give him a chance for Mikey´s sake.

In conclusion: In Rise of the tmnt, Splinter starts as somewhat a neglectful parent figure, sometimes acting childish and not being the best role model for their sons. Overtime he begins to understand the consequences of not training his family and gets more involved in their lives. He tries to be a responsible father despite he had tons of issues with his own family growing up. While very flawed, he has good intentions and cares deeply about his sons.

#tmnt #teenage muntant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #splinter rottmnt #hamato yoshi rottmnt #rise turtles #character analysis #rise fandom #i think i´m going to get flamed for this #anyways if anyones wants to discuss send me ask or DM me

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midwesternvibes · 4 months

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(Because images won't show up on comments)

Yeah ok Legacy of the Gods time (aka Percy Jackson x Rottmnt crossover)

So basically, instead of being kidnapped by Big Mama in the early 2000s, Lou Jitsu narrowly avoids a terrible marriage and instead continues his life of partying in Hollywood.

He meets several beautiful people and eventually finds himself with 4 kids. Oops.

In his defense, he has no idea how some of these kids were ever born, it shouldn't even be possible, but alas. He's a dad now.

He raises them (while continuing to ignore his Hamato legacy), moving to NYC away from his life in Hollywood to give his kids a chance at a semi-normal life. Weird stuff happens to them all the time but hey, he's rasing 4 neurodivergent boys, shit's gonna happen.

Even if some of that is.....really unexplainably weird.

There's been incidents. He files each one numerically in case he needs to bring it up on a court case.

They're somewhere in the 1000s by the time little Raphael reaches 10.

He needs bigger filing cabinets.

But finally his boys make a friend! There's this really sweet girl who plays with them all the time and seems really mature for her age, like SUPER mature, and her parents are never around.....

Well, there's always an extra seat at the table for little April, who's limp keeps her from playing some of the rougher games sometimes.

The kids have a REALLY hard time in school, and a good portion of Yoshi's Hollywood money goes into finding tutors willing to stick around long enough to actually teach his boys. He gave up on traditional schooling pretty quickly. Sure it secluded them a little bit, but they do plenty of sports and clubs, and they're REALLY REALLY REALLY good at it!

......where did they get these genetics from???

Anyways, everything is going great!

That is, until that weird green smoke filled up Yoshi's room one night.......

Feel free to ask me questions! I'd love to expand on more, there's just so much lore I couldn't possibly get it all out in one post! My ask box is always open!

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birdlibrary · 2 years

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so proud of my cows :') finally got them to get into the trailer yesterday and over to their new home. we let them into the herd and they did pretty well. clover is in heat which is a little much for integrating w the new herd and mason the bull. i was nervous about it and he wouldn't give her a break but she warmed up to him pretty good after a little while, and also wasn't letting him mount her. lou made me so proud knocking horns w mason in defense of her mama, although she's so small and will never win a challenge w that big boy. mason was SO into her, sniffing at her and following her around, and one of the times he was nosing her behind clover pissed right on his face - im such a proud dad. not sure if she did that to tell him fuck off im boss or what but he was extremely into it (bulls taste cow piss sometimes to assess her heat). anyway again im so proud of my cows and so excited to have them in my life again :')

#into the trailer yesterday after 3 tries #spooked them the first day and after that they weren't having it #so sweet to be reunited after 6 months and not being sure i'd ever get to be their dad again!!#piss girls unite #cow posting #will post pics later

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brittneyanettestanner · 3 years

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Based on this prompt by @bunny-lou https://bunny-lou.tumblr.com/

Coco Fanfic Prompt

When Ernesto Dela Cruz first hears Miguel is his great-great-grandson, his face lights up. He takes Miquel everywhere and introduces him to everyone, going on and on about his living great-great-grandson who is a musician and has a dimple on only one cheek.

He gave up his family in life so that he could have fame and Ernesto always wondered what it would be like to have a child he could bond with. Of course, millions of people looked up to him and loved him, but Ernesto never had a family that was his.

When it comes time to send Miguel back home, Ernesto isn’t so sure he can part with the only family he’s ever had. And when the truth about Hector comes out, Ernesto can’t let his (great-great-)grandson think he’s some villain! He just met Miquel tonight, he can’t lose the boy and his love so quickly.

It is decided then! Miguel will stay in the Land of the Dead with Ernesto, no matter how much he wants to return home to his living family. He will live with Ernesto, no matter how much he fights it. He will be the perfect grandson, no matter how much he grows to hate Ernesto.

Cue Ernesto having no idea how to love another human and this desire for a family becomes an obsession to make sure Miquel will never leave him.

Meanwhile, Imelda and crew are running around trying to find him, Hector just wants the best for Miguel despite his fading and the entire Land of the Dead is on the look out for a human boy.

(Short version: Ernesto is so obsessed with the idea of having a grandson that he kidnaps Miguel and forces him to play the part of dutiful family while the boy is trying to escape.)

(I would also love if Ernesto forced Miguel to play with him all of the time.)

(And if, after realized Miguel isn’t really his family, Ernesto is so far gone that he doesn’t care. Family is more than blood, right?)

(And if Miguel’s hatred for Ernesto morphed into a hatred for music and Imelda/Hector/Riveras try to get Miguel to love music again to bring back the light in his eyes.)

I have no idea where this all came from, but a scene that made me think was Ernesto being so excited at having a grandson even though he bailed on his family for fame.

Kidnapped A Coco Fanfiction

Chapter 1

Miguel was happy. He had finally met his great-great-grandpa Ernesto Da La Curz. Ernesto had been proud of him and proud of his musical talent. He had shown Miguel all around his party to all his guests. He really did seem proud to be part of Miguel’s family. He’d been sorry he had left his family, but he had said he needed to follow his dreams and Miguel understood that. He was just about to give Miguel his blessing when Hector came in.

Hector practically begged Miguel to put his photo up in the land of the living. Miguel had been surprised when his great-great-grandfather had grabbed the photo and told Hector that he was being forgotten. Miguel had been even more surprised at how Hector accused Ernesto of stealing his songs. When he heard Hector talk about Ernesto being an old friend who offered to move heaven and earth for him, it reminded him of the movie Ernesto had been in. However, in the movie, Ernesto’s character had been poisoned. When Hector heard about this, it all made sense to him, Ernesto had poisoned him and stolen his songs. Miguel didn’t want to believe it. After all, Ernesto was his great-great-grandpa. He couldn’t be a murder.

When Hector jumped at Ernesto, Miguel was shocked. He couldn’t believe the change in Hector. He couldn’t believe that his hero and great-great-grandpa had really stolen Hector’s music. Security was called in and Hector was removed from the room. To where Miguel didn’t know. He looked back at his great-great-grandpa with uncertainty. Ernesto fixed his hair and looked at Miguel.

“I apologize. Where were we,” he asked.

“Yo…You were about to give me your blessing,” Miguel asked with uncertainty.

“Yes, uh, si,” he said, now looking unsure. “Miguel, my reputation is very important to me. I would hate to have you think…” he started, holding the petal that would send Miguel home, but not extending it yet.

“That you murdered Hector for his songs,” Miguel asked cautiously?

“You don’t think that,” Ernesto asked, trying to play it off. “Do you?”

“No,” Miguel answered a little too fast. “Everyone knows you’re the…good guy…” Ernesto looked at Miguel then took the photo of Hector and folded it in half and stuck it in his pocket. “Papa Ernesto? My blessing?”

Ernesto crushed the flower petal in his hand as he looked at Miguel. “Security, take care of Miguel, he’ll be extending his stay…Put him in one of the guest rooms and guard him there. Don’t let him leave until I say so.”

“What? But I’m your family!”

“And Hector was my best friend. Success doesn’t come for free, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to seize your moment. I know you understand.” Miguel’s eyes got wide. “I know you will understand. But don’t you worry, after my sunrise spectacular, I will come back here to see you and we can be a real family.”

With that, security took him away as Ernesto left to do his concert. Miguel was dragged by his arms to a spare bedroom in Ernesto’s large house. Miguel sighed, he should have listened to Mama Imelda! Now he was going to be stuck here forever! He should have listened!

He sat on the bed in the spare room as one security guard stood by the window and the other stood by the door. There was no way out, he was stuck in the land of the dead. And the worst part was he had told his family he didn’t care! He had told them that he didn’t want to be on their ofrenda. He had said he didn’t care if they remembered him! And now he was never going to see them again! A tear escaped his eye. He was slowly becoming more skeleton-like. He watched as the sun was starting to come up and he could feel his face turn to all bone.

He looked down at the photo in his hand of Mama Imelda and Mama Coco (when she was a small child) and the picture of his great-great-grandfather. He thought back to that night and how Ernesto had acted. How Hector had revealed that Ernesto had stolen his songs. Miguel’s brow furrowed. Was there more to the story? What was he missing?

#coco fanfiction #miguel rivera #ernesto de la cruz #hector rivera

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thatqueerchoirkid · 3 years

Note

(you said you wanted asks lol)

i love you anon you are funny

#long post #long post tw #tw long post #very long post #rip phone users

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officalroyalsofpierreland · 2 years

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New Job

Imperial College of Music Bourvin, Pierreland

Kingston: So you're really going to try this modeling thing Henri: I mean...yeah? My life is kinda behind a camera anyway....sorta Kingston: yeah...as in you only get followed if you're with your parents since you're such a goody two shoes Henri: I mean... Kingston: Is this not just to kinda get back with Emi?

Kingston: Cause that's what it sounds like... Henri: No...Emi is free to live her life..besides...her agent isn't under D.Hutch... Kingston: Mhmmm...sure [phone rings]

Henri: Hey yo. Person on the phone: Please...please tell me Lou is joking. You are a model now? Henri: Yeah Aisha...how is that so hard to believe? Maria Aisha: I shared a womb with you...I believe I took all the good looks. Henri: Who told you that? Eddison? Raph- Maria Aisha: LOTS of people. You're avoiding my question. Henri: Well...yeah...I want to learn about the entertainment industry and I plan on helping Mr. Hutchinson set up his record label but the modeling is a way to learn while in school. Maria Aisha: No way Papa and Mama bought that. Henri: Who do you think green lit this? Maria Aisha: I can not believe them...ugh so unfair. They just can't say no to their favorite baby boy. Henri: Well, maybe they'd let you do this too if you didn't give Mama a heart attack everytime someone says "The Princess was in the news" Maria Aisha [huffing]: Whatevs...look just be careful okay? You're a little naive and- [Kingston chuckling] Henri: I'll be careful! Jeez...I'm not dense Maria Aisha: Keep telling yourself that. Talk latters!

Kingston: Your twin is hilarious Henri: just shut up...

Marsilles, Bourvin, Pierreland

Dominic: Heyy Henri! Welcome Welcome! So I figured for your first shoot, you should work with another newcomer! Henri: okay cool!

Dominic: Her Name is Miriam Franz, sweet kid who is actually looking to break into the music industry as well so she may be our first artist on the label! Now let's get you in the chair. Henri: Wait...I gotta wear makeup? Dominic: Yup! just a little bit cause of all the lights, don't worry.

#officialroyalsofpierreland #story #sim: henri

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logan-please-smile-speaks · 4 years

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also you’re required by law to read through the whole thing sorry not sorry

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Barry? Adam? Can you believe this is happening? I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs, Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. You got lint on your fuzz. Ow! That's me! Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! Hey, Adam. Hey, Barry. Is that fuzz gel? A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around The Hive. You did come back different. Hi, Barry. Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. Hear about Frankie? Yeah. You going to the funeral? No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp under the circumstances. Well, Adam, today we are men. We are! Bee-men. Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive City graduating class of 9:15. That concludes our ceremonies And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick our job today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. Wonder what it'll be like? A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to The Hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! That girl was hot. She's my cousin! She is? Yes, we're all cousins. Right. You're right. At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. What do you think he makes? Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. What does that do? Catches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Can anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Check it out. Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside The Hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. Hey, Jocks! Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! I wonder where they were. I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside The Hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can't just decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. Couple of Hive Harrys. Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! Oh, my! I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. Six miles, huh? Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. Maybe I am. You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? Well, there's a lot of choices. But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! Barry, you are so funny sometimes. I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! You're gonna be a stirrer? No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. We're starting work today! Today's the day. Come on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... Is it still available? Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Congratulations! Step to the side. What'd you get? Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Couple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. You want to go first? No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. Any chance of getting the Krelman? Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? I'm going out. Out? Out where? Out there. Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. Look at that. Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. Thank you. OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! That's awful. And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. Antennae, check. Nectar pack, check. Wings, check. Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader, We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! Ever see pollination up close? No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Cool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow, Could be daisies, Don't we need those? Copy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Chemical-y. Careful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Candy-brain, get off there! Problem! Guys! This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Coming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. Should we tell him? I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! Do something! I'm driving! Hi, bee. He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Can't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Check out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him.It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. You could put carob chips on there. Bye. Supposed to be less calories. Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Come on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. You're talking. Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. I'm talking with a bee. Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. Wait! How did you learn to do that? What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. That's very funny. Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Can I... get you something? Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Coffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. It's just coffee. I hate to impose. Don't be ridiculous! Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? I shouldn't. Have some. No, I can't. Come on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. Where? These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for The Hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. You do? Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. Really? My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. Why do girls put rings on their toes? Why not? It's like putting a hat on your knee. Maybe I'll try that. You all right, ma'am? Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Can I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. Thanks! Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. Sounds amazing. It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. Do they try and kill you, like on TV? Some of them. But some of them don't. How'd you get back? Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. Well... Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! No, no, no, not a wasp. Spider? I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. Her name's Vanessa. Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside The Hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? They call it a crumb. It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! You know what a Cinnabon is? No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! We're still here. I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! Then why yell at me? Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. Where are you going? I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. What is wrong with you?! It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? cute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? Is he that actor? I never heard of him. Why is this here? For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? Well, yes. How do you get it? Bees make it. I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! It's organic. It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools,hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. You almost done? Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Crazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. And you? He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! What is that?! Oh, no! A wiper! Triple blade! Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Carl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! Bee! Moose blood guy!! You hear something? Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. Bees hang tight. We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. What if you get in trouble? You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! Hey, guys! Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. Check out the new smoker. Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. What? Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. You wish you could. Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! That would hurt. No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, The Hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Chung. Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, classy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from The Hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. Is that that same bee? Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. Hello. Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. Frosting... How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. Oh, those just get me psychotic! Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. What's the matter? I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Case number 4475, Superior Court of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Cloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Call your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? No. I couldn't hear you. No. No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. Where have I heard it before? I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! Order in this court! You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! Say it! Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. Ken! Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the right job. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little Mind Games. What's that? Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Chapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! You're bluffing. Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. You got the tweezers? Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. Good friends? Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? Yeah, but... So those aren't your real parents! Oh, Barry... Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? Objection! I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! Adam, stay with me. I can't feel my legs. What Angel of Mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed Turn Against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. Hey, buddy. Hey. Is there much pain? Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then...and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Could you get a nurse to close that window? Why? The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? What are we gonna do? He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. What if Montgomery's right? What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Congratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Can't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups and there's gallons more coming! I think we need to shut down! Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Cannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? Are they out celebrating? They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Carl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? What did you want to show me? This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's not just flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? I'll sting you, you step on me. That just kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the Last Chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? Roses are flowers! Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Could you ask him to slow down? Could you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. Bees. Park. Pollen! Flowers. Repollination! Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, California. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. Where should I sit? What are you? I believe I'm the pea. The pea? It goes under the mattresses. Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. You and your insect pack your float? Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? Remove your stinger. It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Can you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Captain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Can I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Captain, I'm in a real situation. What'd you say, Hal? Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! Is that another bee joke? No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. Who's that? Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." Get this on the air! Got it. Stand by. We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. Black and yellow! Hello! Left, right, down, hover. Hover? Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. That may have been helping me. And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! You snap out of it! Hold it! Why? Come on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. Black and yellow. Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Can you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Come on. You got to think bee, Barry. Thinking bee. Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. What? I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! What in the world is on the tarmac? Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Vanessa, aim for the flower. OK. Cut the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! Not that flower! The other one! Which one? That flower. I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. This is insane, Barry! This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Come on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! Yes. No high-five! Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! Thank you. But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our Last Chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, or just Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Can I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Can I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. When will this nightmare end?! Let it all go. Beautiful day to fly. Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Can we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

wow you made it, good job

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