#love daisies and troubadors

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls- Season 1, Episode 21 (Love, Daisies, and Troubadors) Part THREE.

Please check out my pinned post for the rest of season 1 as well as part 1 & 2 of this season finale. We resume our regularly scheduled program, which is Buttzilla Forrester in the middle of a jealous rage, trying to manipulate RoryGil (who isn't even his girlfriend anymore, by the way).

I HATE IT when Rory apologizes to Dean like this and she's done literally nothing wrong! It's so sad. My feelings about later seasons Rory are...a mixed bag to say the least, but I will defend Season 1 Rory with all my might.

Gaslighting: to manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. Buttzilla: Your boyfriend's waiting. RoryGil: He's not my boyfriend, I hate him! Buttzilla: Whatever. Biggest fictional piece of shit on the planet. Literal dogshit stuck to the bottom of your shoe. RG: Dean, stop! Buttzilla: Why. RG, Pained and Unconvincing: Cause I love you, you idiot. You know there are literal people that find this exchange romantic? Not many,as The Dean Forrester fandom is small and they seem to know their place and not emerge from the shadows. But they exist. Uh oh. I hear corny music... it's happening...

Alexis is frozen solid. She is not moving. Her mouth isn't moving. Her hands are not moving. Her spine is stiff. I don't even need to post pics or gifs of her kissing Milo to compare the two, we've all seen them.

Easy there, JarPad! Release that poor girl from your kung-fu grip! Screen shots don't illustrate the frantic speed in which he is mashing his mouth against hers either. Oh no, now we're getting into the closeups. I'm so sorry for doing this. I hope you can forgive me.

She's a woman, not a lemon! Jesus christ! The vein in his neck is throbbing.

If you would like me to further ruin your Thanksgiving, imagine this following disturbing but absolutely true scenario: Rory and Dean sleep together. Dean refuses to go down on her, fucks her for 15 seconds, finishes and has this same stupid smile on his face, all "was it good for you baby?" and Rory's like "Sure, you did great, tiger." and he believes it. Also Lindsay. Poor Lindsay. #JusticeForLindsay Ugh. I survived. We all survived. Ya'll okay? Diet Logan witnesses this and puts down Rory's books, probably traumatized into being a better person, because I know I was close to promising I'd find Jesus if only that kiss would mercifully end. We cut to the Indepdence Inn and Michel and Kirk arguing because Max took Lorelai's "1,000 yellow daisies" suggestion very, very literally and the Inn is now filled with fucking flowers. Kirk Job: Flower delivery man. Lorelai stands there in stark silence admiring the daisies while Michel calls daisies "Pitiful little things, a notch up from weeds", which is also what I think of Dean Forrester. This relationship is going to LAST....! ...For about another four episodes. Max: I didn't propose to you because we were fighting. I proposed because I love you. Lorelai:

"Help. Me." MM: We're in a bad pattern Lorelai, and we have to break it. That's why you proposed to end an argument, got rejected, didn't have any discussion about it whatsoever like grown ups, pretended it didn't happen, took an off the cuff suggestion she gave you way too literally, then waited exactly one more day to propose a second time. Goes into a blathering Mediocre English Teacher Speech about how books just can't compare to real life blah blah blah. Look, in my occasional headcanon where Jess Mariano grows up to become an English teacher he would never be this fucking pretentious. Lorelai: "God you talk so good." To be fair, he doesn't exactly propose to her over the phone, he's all "think it over" but this thing with the daisies feels really manipulative. How the hell is she gonna say no now? Lorelai bursts into Luke's Diner. Luke: Ahhh, you made me spill. He said the same thing while he was fixing her porch rail.

Cute.

"I just got manipulated back into a shitty relationship wtih a shitty male!" "Me too Mom! Me too! This is so exciting!" Happy Thanksgiving!

[hendrickfw]

Three Caballeros story idea

So, reading different posts I thought about this possible fanfiction about the Three Caballeros. Hope you can tell me your ideas and if this sounds good.

Okay. After a fight with Uncle Scrooge during Donald´s birthday, our dear duck decides to take some vacations from his family with his best friends José Carioca and Panchito Pistoles. They travel through Latinamerica and the world discovering new cultures. I thought on making them go to Chapala (my headcanon home for Panchito), Bahía, Rio de Janeiro, Cusco, Cartagena, Buenos Aires, Asunción and other places. They would meet with other characters during their journey (Ari, Fenton-Cabrera, Panchito´s family, Rosinha, Nestor, an OC I love adding to absolutely all my fanfictions).

But, during their journey, they have an evil lurking behind them (*ahem* Felldrake, Sheldgoose and Monkey-Bat-Donkey-Rat). Donald only told Daisy where he went, but because of the last mentioned trio and their allies, the message never arrived, so she and Donald´s family (except Scrooge) are worried where he is. When the Caballeros where in Los Angeles (I will get to that in a second) he is able to contact her. Daisy takes a plane and she discovers Donald´s nephews and Webby sneaked to the plane to follow her and find their uncle. Although they wouldn´t find them at first, because the Caballeros are constantly changing places and our dear antagonists want the McDuck family and the Caballeros divided for their evil plans. Finally she would find Donald in Rio. I was thinking of writing a scene with both ducks dancing while Panchito and José sang “Hot Wings” from the Rio movie. 

Also we can´t stay only with Ducktales and The Legend of the Three Caballeros, right? After leaving Duckburg, our trio gets invited to play at a very famous restaurant in Los Angeles. That restaurant is Pizzarriba from “The Looney Tunes Show”. Am I leading to some kind of competition between Donald and Daffy like the one of “Who framed Roger Rabbit?”? Absolutely! I was planning to write a very similar scene of the movie, with the piano fight and everything. Yes, at the end they leave behind their conflict to defeat Marvin the Martian (obviously not working with Felldrake and the other villains), but this can lead to some interesting dynamics and also show more of the Caballeros friendship. Appearances from other Looney Tunes characters like Bugs Bunny, Speedy Gonzales, Tina Russo, Lola Bunny, Porky Pig, Wile, E. Coyote and the Road Runner are also included.

Now let´s talk about songs. Yes, I want to add a lot of them. During the first episode I wrote (although it is in Spanish), the one in Los Angeles, I added “Hear my voice” from the Louie´s Eleven episode, the Hungarian Rhapsody for the scene based on the Roger Rabbit film, “Ay Jalisco no te rajes” (the original song), “We are the Three Caballeros” from the House of Mouse and, obviously, or loved “The Three Caballeros” song. During the chapter where the Caballeros visit Chapala and Panchito´s family, I wanted to bring a scene where José asks about the large name and all Panchito´s family starts singing “My name is Panchito”. Also Baía, Blame it on the Samba and other songs will appear. I´m not sure about the ones from The Legend of the Three Caballeros.

Each episode would have a special character as protagonist. The Los Angeles will have Donald and his fight with Daffy, the Chapala one is obviously about Panchito and his family dynamic. We don´t need to have one location with one character, for example, when our heroes arrive to Rio we will have an important role with José and his comic characters, and also the Daisy-Donald reunion. Also in Bahia I wanted to have José as protagonist with Panchito. I don´t know if I explained correctly, but to put an example I´ll take Ducktales. One episode can be Scrooge-centered and the other Huey-centered. The same here.

After their crazy journey, the Caballeros continue their journey through other continents. They meet new cultures and characters. They go to South Africa, Kenya (I´m still debating myself if I want to include Zootopia here), Egypt (some Duck Avenger stuff in here), Jordania, Spain, France (chapter based on the Three Musketeers movie, and yes, they meet the Troubador), Greece (specifically they go to Ithaquack and meet Storkules and Xandra), Iran, Russia, India, China, Japan and other places. During this travel they finally discover something´s wrong and Felldrake is back. I´m specially interested on the Egypt episode, as I introduce Uno (Duck Avenger existed before the nephews were born, but Donald left that identity after the Selene incident). The France one is funny as it is a new adaptation of the musketeers movie. England is also funny as I want to write about Donald´s secret agent stuff. And in Japan they finally discover Felldrake and Sheldgoose are back. I don´t know how, but during this episode the Caballeros will become their superhero sonas (Duck Avenger, Morcego Verde and Gallo Loco) and meet this universes incarnation of the Justice Ducks and Fearsome Five (in this case six, as Daffy returns as Duck Dodgers).

There are some other travels after that fight, but just to wrap everything. Donald and Scrooge reconcile and the Caballeros & allies fight against Felldrake & allies. No spoilers because I´m not sure how exactly this can end.

I don´t know a lot about Kingdom Hearts, but I can add something. Also House of Mouse is canon and they have Bugs Bunny as guest character one time, with the a funny cartoon based on the first scene of the Looney Tunes Back in Action movie.

And yes, I thinks that is everything. I wanted to write this because I´m writing other fanfics (Dragon Knight, you can find an early version on fanfiction.net) and I´m not really motivated to write this. I just want to write this so the people can at least have an idea and know this exists.

So hey, hope this is a good idea. Hope you liked it and adiós amigos.

[schibi12]

Childhood Commentary: Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

So these are gonna be like my House of Mouse Hot Takes but with my childhood favorite disney movies that i haven’t seen in a while and to see if i still like them.

So im starting with a fan favorite and underrated classic that i haven’t seen in like 5 or 6 years, well originally i was suppose to see it with my younger sibling because he hadn’t seen it but i couldn’t find it in spanish so... sorry im pretty sure he’s not gonna read this but still sorry dude, and Fun Fact this is my first time watching it in English. Okay Let’s do this!!! 

Oh and Spoilers. (But like really who hasn’t seen this movie except for my sibling and maybe you tumblr user well i don’t judge read at your own risk)

So this movie was hilarious no surprise but still the comedy in this movie was on point all the jokes,references,puns and gags were *chef kiss* my favorite ones have to be the Opera one and this one:

I enjoyed the format of the movie of how the Troubador narrates and sort of interacts the with the characters in the story and how it starts with like a classic Disney comic for the backstory and seeing Mickey, Donald, Goofy and Pluto as little children (well Pluto as a puppy) was so adorable

The music and songs were good i really enjoyed them i’ve been singing All for one and One for All, all day and i really like that they used classical musical pieces for the tune of the songs i think it was kinda brilliant. The animation was so good and still holds up the background being watercolors are beautiful like look at this.

While the plot maybe quite simple the humor, the romantic subplots (although it doesn’t take a lot of the movie the few scenes we got where so sweet), the action and the few dark scenes made it nuanced and a bit more complex, and talking about those dark scenes this movie get hyuck-ing dark real fast and it doesn’t hold back we almost see the three main characters die which is so rare nowadays in Disney media like when was the last time you saw Mickey Mouse drown? exactly.

It’s not really a sad tearjerking moment but that scene where Donald leaves Mickey because of his cowardice and inferiority complex that touched the heart

I loved all the characters and their mini character arcs from Goofy wanting to be smarter, Donald to be brave and Mickey wanting to prove himself as a Mouseketeer (Im not sorry XD) and i loved their relationships and there interactions from all the romantic relationships (i loved seeing Mickey and Minnie falling in love for the “first time”” something you don’t see a lot these days) Daisy and Minnie being nice friends, Pete and the Beagle Bandits i dont know why i liked seeing Pete being a vile and abusive villain/boss and the camaraderie between our three musketeers was so nice and i really appreciated seeing it sort of reminded me why these three are best friends and how and why there friendship works.

So this movie still holds up i really enjoyed it and i still like it it may not enter my top 10 but maybe my top 20′s of favorite disney movies but it was a fun experience rewatching it and i forgot to mention in my House of Mouse Hot Takes that i loved hearing Wayne Allwine as Mickey Mouse he was definitely the Mouse for a generation and he was also my Mickey from House of Mouse, Clubhouse and the Christmas specials Rest In Peace you’re a legend.

Life lesson from this film: If Michael Theodore Mouse with his 2'3" height became a Musketeer you can do anything no matter your height

So thanks if you read my long review/commentary and i hope you like it!

See ya soon!

P.s. this image is a mood!

[crissgilmore]

That had to of been more than 1,000 yellow daisies...

[tookieclothespins]

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls Season 1, Episode 21 ("Love, Daisies, And Troubadors"). Part 1

WHAT HAPPENS IN THIS EPISODE: We're on the last episode of Season 1! Luke "Fixes Lorelai's Porch Rail" and wakes the neighbors. Lorelai asks Luke to Pound One More Thing while he's out there. Lorelai has a dirty conversation at work with Max. Max watches Lorelai suck on a ring pop. Luke breaks in Lorelai's back door. Clara Forrester needs a foster home. Rory pours her heart out at a town meeting and everyone pity claps.

"Ms Gilmore, I'm here to fix your porch rail.* "Well, my porch rail does need a lot of screwing, hammering, nailing, and pounding Mr Danes." *porny music begins playing* (disclaimer: this conversation did not actually happen). "You're gonna wake the neighbors." (this was actually said)

STOP LOBBING ME SO MANY SOFTBALLS! If you keep making all the dirty jokes for me I'll be out of a job reviewing a 22 year old tv show to 3 people on a dying social media platform! Luke disappears as Rory shows up causing Lorelai to loudly exclaim "He was banging on something!" about 4 times. You wish.

Michel Wisdom: "I've made peace with the fact that everyone who calls here is a notch above brain dead, and the pennies I am thrown each week are in exchange for me dealing with these people in a nonviolent manner and usually that is fine, but today, sorry lady, I have ennui." Max calls Lorelai at work and they have a converation insinuating some kind of roleplay situation recently took place and they also talk about having sex withdrawals. Remember the time Max called Lorelai at work and they had a conversation about removing each others pants? Poor Sookie, already suffering from ennui, and the rest of the kitchen staff have to hear Lorelai and Max talk about how someone should write a novel about their Sex. Does she know about Archive of Our Own? Does she know that in the future a number of people will have written novels about her Sex with Luke? But not ol Max Medina.

Oh no, Rory found the DeanBox that she told Lorelai to throw away. Of course Lorelai didn't throw it out. Let's be real. Who's the one who really wants to hang on to pieces of Dean here? Lorelai explains that Rory "Is gonna want some of that stuff one day, when you're old and married, and you can look back and say "I certainly had an interesting life!" I'm sensing a theme here, which is that Dean's lot in life is to make Rory's life more interesting for her mother. Sure, Rory is going to want to keep her Dean box until she is old and married. Girls always keep boxes of their high school boyfriend's random shit for decades. "You can pull out all your old boyfriend boxes." I DON'T CARE THAT HE'S STILL 5 EPISODES AWAY, WHERE IS THE JESS BOX?! What was in the ChristopherBox? The box of expired condoms that led to Rory? I KID. I KID. Contents of the DeanBox Full Of Garbage Pointless Crap were as follows: Idk what the first thing was supposed to be-a dress? A stuffed chicken. Box of corn starch. Quarter on a string ("medallion"). OH WHAT PRECIOUS MEMORIES!

I love the Caboodles case in the background. When you're all grown up and married to your StepCousin Jess and open up your Deanbox, maybe the quarter will have appreciated in value. Rory is hesitating to enter Doose's because Dean will be working there. We're STILL doing this? Boycotting small businesses, hurting the local shopkeep every time you break up with a boy? Oh, the shopkeep here is Taylor, carry on not giving him your money.

Lane starts jumping up and down OMG'ing and freaking out just because Rory is going into the market. She didn't even have a plan yet. Everyone in this town has rotting fish carcasses for brains. The "this" is Dean & Rory getting back together. God help me. Time and time again, we see the primary lesson of Gilmore Girls is this: Don't date someone who lives in your small town. After your inevitable break up, you'll be doomed to wander the streets, unable to enter any businesses, and eventually you will starve to death. Don't shit where you eat, as Milo would say.

Honestly though I love Lane. How could you not? Taylor accuses Rory of looking like a shoplifter. The nerve! Like Rory would ever steal anything!

Mikey's an improvement from Dean! Go for it Rory! "He took Thursday afternoon off. He must have met one of those Thursday afternoon girls. They're slutty girls who get guys to switch their Thursday afternoons with another checkout guy so they can go do slutty Thursday afternoon things." It's fine if you want to calling hypothetical girls you don't know sluts, so we'll just keep calling you Mary, it only seems fair. Rory: Lane, you'd tell me if you ever saw Dean with another girl at school? Well, she never told you when Jess stopped showing up for class, so idk how reliable this girl really is.

"Suck my left nut" is my catchphrase of the week, and Diet Logan can suck my left nut.

Classic Diet Logan. DL lies to Madelyn and Louise by telling them Rory agreed to go with him to the PJ Harvey concert, which enrages Paris, who is still infatuated with Tristan, apparently, for some reason.

Shut up Rachel, can't you see there is a dalmatian behind you? Show some respect. Rachel: Luke's been at your place alot. Lorelai: Yeah, well, he's been fixing some things. The porch rail. Some roof shingles, then the porch rail again. Luke's been spending an awful lot of time "fixing the porch rail" Eh? Eh? Heh heh.

A Troubador War is a brewin'. Luke scares Lorelai when she unexpectedly finds him in her house. The following exchange requires no further commentary from me: Lorelai: How'd you get in here? Luke: I came in through your back door. Lorelai: My back door's locked. Luke: Well that's why I came through it. Your back door lock was broken. Lorelai: My back door lock is fine. Luke: Your back door lock is cheap. (this exchange goes on way too long). #BackDoor Nitpick Time! My favorite time! Same episode:

Lorelai Gilmore, Milk Denier. And a cracker denier as well. (She once said she didn't keep crackers in the house when a box of Saltines was clearly visible in her kitchen in the same episode). "I'm a loner." "I don't want to hear about the romance of being a loner." "Some guys are just natural loners." "Yes, lonely guys." "Independent guys." "Sad guys." "Maverick guys." "Lee Harvey Oswald." "John Muir." "The Unabomber." "Henry David Thoreau." "Jess Mariano." Okay you got me. I made that last one up.

Being a Milk Whore is more honest than being a Milk Denier, Lorelai. But is being a Milk Whore more respectable than being a Thursday Afternoon Supermarket Slut?

The House Of Forrester. House of The Damned.

Sure she's annoying as hell, but how did Dean's parents spawn an otherwise normal child? Honey, I have some news. I think you were adopted.

Apologize at once, Rory Gil. Poor Clara didn't ask to be born a Forrester. She doesn't need you traumatizing her too. Lorelai's bringing Max to a town meeting to pop his Town Meeting cherry. And oh boy, it's gonna be a good deflowering.

You have to admire MaxMedina's earnest enthusiasm about Ring Pops, like he just discovered the wheel. I was eating Ring Pops in the early 90's. Stars Hollow is at least a decade behind the times for everything, so I guess it checks out.

A sea of weirdoes. I'd say that if you packed any more oddballs into that tiny room you'd open up some kind of vortex to another dimension, but Stars Hollow is already not of this Earthly realm.

The American political landscape.

Piece of literal human garbage. I haven't dunked on Dean in a bit so I had to let it out. I get all backed up otherwise. Subjecting minors like poor Clara to one of these meetings should be classified as child abuse. Anyone want to open up their home to an incredibly annoying but sweet foster child?

Boring old MaxMedina just soaking up the weirdness and sipping his drinkydrink.

How does a Town Troubador make a living? Is this a volunteer gig he takes too seriously? Taylor somehow didn't know he existed, so this is not some local government-sponsored initiative. Clearly no one is going to pay him in tips. No one even pays for their food at the beloved local restaurant. Taylor asks him "what do you do for a living"? to which he responds "I don't want people to know those things." Ah yes the old Jess Mariano approach. A gigolo? A WalMart worker? A "messenger" for a guy named Todd? Miss Patty: He doesn't accept money. I tried. So not a Gigolo then. Taylor: This troubador act is a money making scheme! Prett-y rich coming from Taylor Doose who spends 7 years putting together "Fundraisers" to repair a tiny wooden bridge and is totally not pocketing the money. Taylor's the type of guy who says things like "no one wants to work these days!" but then this nice gentleman is out there trying his best probably hoping for a few bucks thrown into his guitar case, which is a pipe dream since this is Stars Hollow and no one pays for anything, and Taylor calls him a vagrant and a scammer. Taylor: Watch out Morey, after that anatomically explicit epithet your wife yelled at me earlier, you're both on probation. Oh Babette! I'd love to know what she called him. A cocksucker? A dickhead? Did she tell him to suck her left nut?

Pervy old Max Medina only bought Lorelai a ring pop for one reason and he's thinking he got his money worth.. Looks like Lorelai returned the favor and bought him a hot dog to suck on. The speech to follow is one of my all time favorite Rory moments and I truly enjoy it (ironically). Enjoy. "I have something to say!" *awed hush falls over the town hall* "Sometimes you have something to say but you can't because the words won't come out! Or you get scared or feel stupid! If you could just write a song and sing it, then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot of yourself! All of us can't be songwriters, we'll never be able to say what we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again! Ever!"

I was about to type "And then everyone clapped" as a joke. And then everyone actually clapped.

Honestly, Barfbag's puzzled reaction to Rory's speech is the most reasonable one. Where the fuck that did come from Rory Gil? She took one look at that soiled mattress Dean Forrester and suddenly a prepared speech comes flowing forth?

Yeah. Everyone briefly pity-claps for Rory. Lorelai gives her a small hug. No Babette yelling "you go Sugar!" or anything of the sort. We see another brief shot of Dean looking confused. The meeting concludes. I applaud Rory's lack of social anxiety. If I gave an impromptu speech like that in front of what I would expect was a supportive crowd and no one even reacted, the humiliation would be a debilitating weight I would carry around for at least the next 15 years.

"Let's go home and you can suck on my Ring Pop." Tumblr only allows you to post 30 pictures per post, but just like Rory Gil, I have a lot to get off my chest, so I will continue this in a second post/ part 2. See you soon...

[saltygilmores]

Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: Season 1, Episode 21 (Love, Daisies, and Troubadors). Part II

Want to read part 1 and the rest of my season 1 reviews? Check out my pinned post.

Dean's empty chair. This portrait belongs in the Stars Hollow Museum, with the caption stating: "This Chair Represents A Time Dean Forrester Left And Wasn't Around And Everyone Was Happy."

Tomatos Sign: Spotted. Luke: Nothing much pressing at the town meeting. LOL the casual non-mention of Rory's speech. My second hand embarrassment meter is just throbbing hot right now for poor Rory. To get ya'll up to speed, several minutes ago, Luke was having a discussion with Lorelai about his difficulty making the transition from "loner" to "Having Girlfriend". But this is no longer an issue as Rachel has decided to go bye bye. Luke: Is there another guy? Rachel: No, it's another girl. Luke: *brain malfunctions* *sizzle* *fatal error*

Errr, I think you oughta just come right out and say what you really mean, girl. You're about to give him a stroke.

"What other girl...Ohhhhh."

Bye. Off to the Land of Short Lived & Unremarkable Exes You Go, Honey. You can spend your days frolicking with Nicole, that guy Alex (I liked Alex), and Shane. Rachel: Don't wait too long...to tell her. Narrator: And he would wait way too long to tell her.

Buzzfeed Quiz: Are you A Slutty Thursday Afternoon Girl, A Virgin Mary, or A Milk Whore?

Paris gazes at Rory with quiet awe, before lashing out at her in another transparent attempt to mask her true feelings for the love of her life. Paris: When I first met you I didn't like you because I thought you were just some rube from the sticks and I have no patience for rubes. But then I realized you're not dumb and you can be modestly interesting sometimes. Go on. Paris: I gave the music reviewer job to Louise. Rory: But she only owns two cds! Sick early 2000's burn.

They may not own many compact discs, but they still rule the school. And now for another one of our favorite segments, L&L throwing around tool-related words which make any conversation sound filthy.

Lorelai: I named your toolbox Bert and I have conversations with him. Luke: Thanks for taking care of my toolbox. Speaking of tools.

These two are gross and insufferable. Just twist the fucking knife into poor Luke's heart not 15 seconds after he told you he just got dumped. He doesn't need to see that shit.

He has the greatest Folgers.

Lorelai prefers MY toolbox. She wants to keep MY toolbox in her house. She loves my toolbox so much she NAMED IT and she TALKS to it.

I can fix her porch rail like a MAN. I fixed her porch rail three times today. I broke her porch rail just so I could bang on it again. She was all like, "Luke please pound it one more time" and "Luke, won't this wake the neighbors!" What do you have to offer, a ring pop?

Oh I bet he is.

MAX'S FACE. Maybe Rachel & Max should get together and bond after being sidelined by Luke & Lorelai, to form the big suckhole of mediocrity the world has ever seen, and breed a bunch of mediocre High School English Teacher Photojournalist babies.

Your penises she means your penises.

Lorelai, you filthy lying Milk Whore. MaxMedina: We were apart for a while, I didn't assume you joined a convent or anything. Max is about to propose to her-the second impromptu proposal Lorelai has recieved in just one season, having already fended off Christopher's advances. Honestly at this point if I were Lorelai I would be done with men and join a convent (or live with Mrs. Kim). Rory, you're on your own kid. Christopher proposed to her in the kitchen to end an argument, while Max chose the classier option and proposes in the living room to end an argument. Max and Lorelai get into a pointless argument about how much they dated around while they were broken up. Max confesses to being a bit of a Thursday Afternoon Milk Whore. Giving out a lot of ring pops.

LETS.

Listen lady, I appreciate your blunt honesty but I'm trying to get over that traumatic incident okay? And also the fact that you disclosed Rory was concieved on said balcony. Max: There's only one thing we could do to fix our relationship. Lorelai: Well, I'm not into the Murder-suicide thing.

I think I would have been happier with the murder-suicide option. Instead of saying "You can fuck right off with your mediocore English-Teaching, soda-sipping, ring-pop sucking ass" to her short-term, on-again-off-again boyfriend, Lorelai doesn't immeadiately say no, but instead gives him advice on how to propose to her properly. Lorelai then says uhh, let's just have a little do over, forgives him, and they go on with their evening forgetting that he just proposed marriage to her. As they walk out the door, Lorelai says goodbye to Bert (Luke's toolbox/ penis metaphor). Diet Logan harrasses Rory about not taking his concert ticket. Rory:"Just when I was making progress with Paris, now she hates me again." DL: "Well, the damge is already done so you might as well come with me." God, what an assclown.

Enjoying this assertive version of Rory while I still can because she isn't going to be around forever. . DL: Those tickets cost a fortune. RoryGil: They cost your daddy a fortune. Now why couldn't she say more shit like that to Logan? Ugh. He would have never made any headway into her life if she stood her ground like this as an adult. DL: I don't know anyone who's into this stupid guy. RoryGil: PJ Harvey's a woman. Bahahahahaa. Diet Logan, you clown. DL fucking GRABS RORY'S BOOKS AND TRIES TO BLACKMAIL HER TO GET THEM BACK. I'm sorry, what?!

Listen Rory, maybe now would be a good time to think about joining that convent with your mother/living with Mrs. Kim. There is no hope for TeenageBoyKind. Yeah, yeah, I know Jess is just around the corner but that's going to be an even bigger shit show. A shit show of massive proportions. Cut off the male species at the pass and call it a loss. Run away with Paris Geller, the real love of your life. How can get this scene get any worse? Hold onto your ring pops, folks. Stock up on eye bleach. We're about to witness the most awkward and disgusting kiss in the entire series, perhaps even a notch above the time Paris was making out with that old man professor boyfriend. I come bearing screen shots, people. You have been warned. Turn back now. Only the courageous of heart should proceed.

What a charmer. You too can be a Dean if you follow these simple steps: 1.Wear stupid leather jacket and drive stupid car. 2.Drive stupid car and wear stupid leather jacket to surprise ex girlfriend at school. 3.See ex girlfriend in the presence of another boy with no other context whatsoever. 4.Rage. 5.Proceed to do a little manipulative, pouty act. 6."I'm an idiot." 7."I shouldn't have come here." 8..Wait for girlfriend to cry "Dean, no, wait" 9.Pout some more. 10."I came out all the way out here and I see you with HIM!" 11."That's just GREAT." 12.Manipulate ex girlfriend into apologizing to YOU when she didn't want the other boy around in the first place and didn't ask you to be there either. 13. Act pissy when Ex girlfriend gives you the explanation you wanted as to why Diet Logan has her books. 14. Repeat step 7 as she's apologizing to you for no reason and start walking away. Ah yes, Diet Logan, the boy Rory is so madly in love with and four seconds earlier wasn't thinking about pushing off a steep cliff.

Rory's What The Hell is Happening to Me Right Now face. Dean has a box of RoryStuff, just like Rory has a DeanBox, and somehow that's so much worse. SO much worse. No wonder Dean doesn't want Clara in his room. She doesn't need to find his sick mementos. He's probably got like, a lock of her hair and one of her teeth in that box.

RORY-GIL THIS IS NOT THE TIME NOR THE PLACE FOR POLITE CONVERSATION. YOU NEED TO FLEE.

Hey there Buttzilla, I will not tolerate any disrespect for Rory's courageous, heartfelt, and deliciously cheesy speech. She is a role model for us introverts. We should all wish to emulate Season 1 RoryGil's heart, courage and tenacity to give that speech in the room full of weird townies, only to recieve no reaction. She's been through it. You sir, can go take a flying leap into an active volcano. I hear dumb teenage boys in ugly leather jackets who don't know how to kiss make the best volcanic sacrifices. Oooh boy people, we're going to have to make this a three-parter. Ran out of room again! I will not sacrifice screen shots for my art. See you soon for the thrilling conclusion. Happy Thanksgiving, I'm about to ruin it!

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@frazzledsoul shared an absolutely baffling take that she spotted on Instagram . Someone claimed "People are so distracted by Jess' looks that they overlook the fact he is a calculator (calculated?) person only at the age of 16 it's alarming and SICK that Jess knew how to manipulate Dean and Rory's relationship to make them feel uncomfortable with each other! Jess did this to make Dean feel insecure and paranoid so Rory got progressively more distant and Jess can take Rory away from him!" Dean wasn't insecure and paranoid until Jess showed up? I smell a trash take! Lessgo! I notice Dean's supporters who blame Jess for being a big ol Ruiner seem to gloss over Dean's jealousy over TRISTAN (who was nothing more than a bully and a harrasser that Rory wasn't dating or even interested in). If everything was so dang hunky dory for Dean and Rory (Lol, that rhymed) before Jess shows up, what is Dean's excuse for being insecure, paranoid, and making Rory uncomfortable for the entire first season of the show, another 5 episodes of season 2 until Jess shows up, then another some odd epsiodes into season 2 until Dean and Jess even just meet each other or are simply aware of each other's existence? The first time we truly see the rivalry between Dean and Jess start brewing on screen isn't until Bracebridge Dinner (2x10), and then it heats up for realsies in A Tisket a Tasket (2x13). So before 2x,10, who was using their psychic abilities on Dean to "make him" treat Rory like crap for 30 some odd episodes? He treated Tristan with the same jealous contempt as he did Jess, and I would argue it was even worse. in fact in Love, Daisies, and Troubadors, Tristan grabs Rory's books without her consent while Dean is in the Chilton parking lot. All he has to do is see Tristan with Rory's books (that she didn't want him to take and was trying to get back from him) and he doesn't ask Rory any questions. His temper is instantly set off and he becomes scarily jealous in the school parking lot and starts raising his voice at Rory in front of hundreds of other students.

Not to excuse Tristan for being a bully. Poor Rory is exhausted and she should probably just give up on boys, run away and join a nunnery. But we're talking about Dean The Butt Forrester here. Just seeing another boy carrying Rory's books was enough to set him off.

Just a very select few examples of Dean being insecure, paranoid jealous, and just a garden variety asshole, and Rory's "comfort" with him, long before Liz stuck Jess on that bus to hell:

See, he's more than capable of being a butt clown all on his own! Sorry Dean Lovers, ya'll get five seasons worth of your lover boy and we only get 1 and a half of Jess. You can't use Jess as a "get out of jail free card" for every shitty thing Dean does.

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls: The Master Index

Season 1

Pilot 💗 The Lorelais First Day At Chilton 💗Kill Me Now 💗 The Deer Hunters 💗 Cinnamons Wake 💗Rory's Birthday Parties 💗 Kiss and Tell 💗 Love and War and Snow 💗 Rory's Dance 💗 Forgiveness and Stuff 💗 Paris is Burning 💗 Double Date 💗 Concert Interruptus 💗 That Damn Donna Reed 💗 Christopher Returns 💗 Star Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers 💗 The Breakup Part II 💗 The Third Lorelai 💗 Emily In Wonderland 💗 PS I Love You 💗 Love Daisies and Troubadors 💗

Season 2

Sadie Sadie 💗 Hammers & Veils 💗Red Light On The Wedding Night 💗Road Trip to Harvard 💗 Nick & Nora & Sid & Nancy 💗 Presenting Lorelai Gilmore 💗Like Mother Like Daughter 💗 The Inns and Outs of Inns 💗 Run Away Little Boy 💗 Bracebridge Dinner 💗 Secrets and Loans 💗Richard In Stars Hollow 💗 A Tisket a Tasket 💗 It Should Have Been Lorelai💗Lost & Found 💗 Theres The Rub 💗 Dead Uncles And Vegetables 💗Back in The Saddle💗 Lorelais Graduation Day💗I Cant Get Started

Season 3

Lazy Hazy Crazy Days 💗 Haunted Leg 💗 Application Anxiety 💗 One's Got Class The Other One Dyes 💗 8 O Clock At The Oasis 💗 Take The Deviled Eggs 💗 They Shoot Gilmores Don't They 💗 Let The Games Begin💗Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving 💗 That'll Do Pig 💗 I Solemnly Swear 💗 Lorelai Out Of Water 💗

Bonus Episode: A Vineyard Valentine

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TAYLOR: He may not now, but he will. This troubadour act is a money making scheme. Why else would he be doing it? RORY: Because sometimes you have something you need to say but you can't because the words won't come out or you get scared or you feel stupid, so if you could write a song and sing it then you could say what you need to say and it would be beautiful and people would listen and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself, but all of us can't be songwriters so some of us will never be able to say what we're thinking or what we want other people to know that we're thinking so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever.

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