#love listening to the commentaries bc in most of them someone will say ''but no one is actually listening to all of this'' and i am.

[aq2003]

really love how throughout a lot of smith and jones martha is really skeptical and apprehensive towards ten (+ one of my favorite exchanges between them - "what, people call you 'the doctor'?" "yeah?" "well, i'm not. far as i'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."), not taking everything he says at face value, even doubting the fact he's an alien until over halfway through the episode.. And like. i really truly think the thing that wins her over isn't him kissing her or any of the other insane mixed messages he manages to send, it's this scene here, where he /earns that title/ in her eyes:

(+ david's bit in the commentary, where he says: "[the doctor] has actually sacrificed himself, and - i would say, that that final act of selflessness is what finally, eventually, welds martha to him. [...] and she now returns it. she returns that act of selflessness.")

this is what their relationship is built on. it isn't about martha being the second-best replacement to rose or a rebound or whatever. bc it isn't really about rose. it's about doctor-in-training martha meeting someone (quite literally, "the doctor") whose ideals she aspires to, and doing her best to be the same person to him as he is to everyone else. it's about ten in return admiring her intelligence and inquisitiveness and how she cares for human life, recovering his compassion, letting himself lean on her for support - and then remembering at the most inopportune moments that he's supposed to not need anyone and be on his own forever. And around in their little nightmare loop they go where they save each other over and over until one of them breaks

i've seen ppl look at martha and go "why she does she admire/why is she so in love with ten if he acts like that to her?" or something along those lines and like. it's not just the fact she's in love with him (in fact i'd argue she actively tries to push it aside post-gridlock). it's the fact that she knows he's the kind of person to put everyone else's lives/well-being over his own. she trusts him to save her when she's in trouble even though it's been like two days at most that they've known one another bc she recognizes that same "deep all-encompassing drive to help others" in him. and she also recognizes, much much earlier than him, that he needs someone to save him, especially when he's unwilling to save himself. and yeah for a bit she thinks he returns her feelings and is just playing hard-to-get, but she realizes pretty early on that this probably isn't the case, and i think that realization fully solidifies here:

(this is when she's listening to ten talk abt gallifrey). And idk it might just be me but i think this expression isn't just her empathizing with his loss. it's also guilt, for wanting something from him that he's clearly unable to give when he's wracked with so much grief. (and you see it in the next episode, where tallulah asks if they're together and martha says for certain that they're not, and that he doesn't know about her feelings for him. she keeps everything to herself bc she now knows that when he shut her flirting down at the end of 3x01 it was the genuine reaction of someone who a) isn't interested and b) is scared of getting close with someone else again)

freema described their dynamic as "she's keener than him" and i think about this all the time. martha doesn't really take what ten throws at her. what she does instead is constantly poke holes in his already-failing front of "i will show someone the wonders of the universe so i can ignore what is wrong with me". what she does is stand up and fight him when he tries to go off on his own. what she does is put aside her well-being in favor of helping someone - just like what she saw him do for the people in the hospital when they first met. tldr, that's the doctor and his doctor and rip martha you would've loved who's gonna save u now by rina sawayama

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Have you seen the recent Adam driver interview re: redeemed Ben solo never being part of the original plans? Apparently JJs idea as pitched to Adam was 'reverse Vader' who begins the trilogy all uncertain and vulnerable and becomes super evil by the third film 😂 considering the mess that was duel of the fates, I'm not surprised. Adam said he was still 'focused' on JJs original arc even though it changed over shooting. Which is baffling to me, because even in TFA you can't seriously believe this character could go stone cold uber sinister. It's terrible how so many good things in the sequel trilogy are there in spite of tptb, not because of them!

I haven't and honestly at this point I don't even want to hear anything else about what a complete fucking shitshow of stupidity and sociopathy this whole production was.

The idea that TFA isn't setting up a redemption is so absurd to me that I'm not even going to entertain it. I don't believe that even JJ is that incompetent, and his commentary plus TROS indicates that he did absolutely understand that Ben must be reclaimed despite his total disregard for the themes and message of SW. So whatever Adam was talking about, I don't know, and I'm not going to listen to this interview to try to figure it out because I'm tired. Maybe he's referring to the earliest ideas where Kylo Ren wasn't the same person as Han and Leia's child?

But in that case I just cannot imagine why they wanted to cast him in that role.

Leaving aside that the entire concept of a 'reverse Vader' is the stupidest shit I've ever heard, because that was a) literally the prequel trilogy, b) antithetical to SW as anything other than a prelude to a subsequent redemption, and c) SO FUCKING BORING. I know this isn't the first time Adam has mentioned this, but it only sounds more stupid the more clear he makes it that they mean 'the opposite of the ending of RotJ'. Which is just 'the ending of every fucking American action movie fucking ever'. Like putting a 'spin' on Vader by having him NOT REDEEM HIMSELF is just called 'being like everyone else' and 'taking away literally the most compelling thing about Vader'.

I need these boring, unimaginative HACKS to fuck off. Like, the idea that JJ's pitch for TFA was 'worse, more boring, less visually creative, less meaingful, more shallow remake of ANH but also we will ruin the heart and soul of the story and make it like all the libertarian slop it literally existed in order to stand against'.

LIKE JAIL FOR THIS MAN. JAIL!

I saw someone say that it's also come out that the reylo connection was Kasdan's idea, which I feel vindicated by bc I've been saying I bet it was forever. But again, JJ was on board for it and knew what he was doing with the imagery in TFA. He is not so incompetent that he didn't understand he was creating romantic subtext. And text.

But like, I'm just so done with these fucking people. That ANYONE at that company much less apparently EVERYONE?? thought it was remotely acceptable to use SW to tell the story of any character whatsoever who was humanised and sympathetic and relatable to children falling into darkness and becoming ''''''irredeemable'''''' MUCH LESS the LAST SKYWALKER, the HOPE AND HAPPY ENDING OF ROTJ, HAN AND LEIA'S LOVE, PADMÉ'S LOVE, the atonement and reconciliation of Darth Vader is just FUCKING BANANAPANTS to me.

George Lucas should fight these people in an alley.

[player1064]

back again with more carraville brain rot 😃 already out and very whipped carraville dealing with open homophobia from their own fans for the first time since coming out knowing it would happen eventually but not being as prepared as they’d thought they were, whether it’s just one or both of them up to you, lots of comfort of course and defense from either people at sky/class of 92 and extended mates etc. :)))))

had a hard time trying to work out the Vibe for this one bc like tbh I can't imagine fans being that bad like surely SURELY in 2024 they've moved on from the classic football homophobia... but then I remembered that people LOVE to hate Gary so of course they would. And Gary doesn't care about people hating him but Jamie is fussy and protective so he's getting all angry on Gary's behalf meanwhile he's out too and everyone is still lovely to him kdsgfjhkdsds.....

---

Gary’s not exactly a stranger to getting abuse from the stands. It sort of comes with the job – his name has always been and will continue to be attached to his club, and for every football fan he meets that supports United he’s going to meet another five who hate his guts.

Besides, he was at one point the proud holder of the title ‘most hated footballer in England’. Any cruel chants people can come up with, he’s probably heard it before.

So the first time it happens, he doesn’t even notice.

He’s pitch-side for Monday Night Football, chatting about the upcoming game, when he sees a producer behind the camera shoot a worried look towards the stands before giving him the ‘cut’ gesture.

He’d thought he still had a couple of minutes, was only just getting into the swing of it, but he’s a professional so he winds it up quickly and lets them cut back to studio.

Once the light’s off on the camera, he takes his earpiece out and asks “what was’at about?”

The producer just stares at him for a second, astounded. She blinks, then says “the audio – the mics keep picking up noise from the stands, and obviously – we can’t air that sort of thing.”

With a while to go before kick-off, the stands are still only half-full, and for the first time all evening Gary takes a moment to actually listen to what the home supporters are chanting.

He’s not sure what he’s expecting, maybe to be called a cunt (which he’s always rather enjoyed), but this –

He turns to the producer but she’s on the phone, speaking in harsh whispers. After a minute or two, she strides over to Gary and holds the phone out, scowling.

“Carragher’s threatening to walk off set,” she tells him. “You try talk some sense into him.”

Gary takes the phone, walks a few steps away from the camera set-up and says “Carra, you muppet, what’s this I hear about you walking out mid-show?”

“Someone ‘as to do somethin’,” Jamie says, “Show the fans it’s not okay to –”

“Christ alive, ‘s hardly the first time in my life I’ve been called a fag, now, is it?” Gary says with a strained chuckle, though when he tries to think back he’s not entirely sure that’s true. Still, first time for everything. “An’ what’s you havin’ a hissy fit gonna achieve? It’s Leeds, Jamie, you know they like to try rile me up ‘ere. And you’re a five hour drive away, what exactly d’you think you can do right now, idiot?”

He hears Jamie’s breathing start to slow down. “’s not right, though.”

“Eh, maybe not. But I’ve had worse, and Sky’s not payin’ you a million a year to yell at rowdy fans, are they? So go park yer bum, apologise to David for your tantrum, and get on wit’ show. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

He hangs up, and hands the phone back to the producer with a nod.

“We’re good?” she asks, eyeing him carefully.

“We’re good.” There’s a dull ache starting to build at his temples. This, too, he’s pretty good at ignoring. He smiles. “About time to head up to commentary box, in’t it?”

*

Jamie wants to talk about it on the podcast the next day. Gary tells him to stop being so dramatic.

*

Except, turns out it wasn’t a one-time thing.

It’s funny, the fans mostly leave Jamie alone. It’s Gary they seem to have a problem with, like he, personally, is everything wrong with the world of football. It comes from both sides, too, the small minority who hate him for being gay and the so-called allies who criticise him for daring to come out when he should have known that it’d only aggravate the existing problems in football culture.

Again, Jamie gets none of this. Gary suspects this is because Liverpool is leading the league while United are still stuck mid-table.

He goes out to a pub with his friends one Saturday after Salford’s lost their latest fixture, and he leaves with a black eye.

That’s new.

*

“Put all the make-up on it you want,” Jamie complains while they’re getting set up for the next Stick to Football, “don’t hide the fact that yer eye looks half the size it’s meant to be.”

It’s really not that bad. Gary ignores him and lets the make-up lady continue to work her magic.

“Thoughtful of them to hit the side that’s faced away from camera, wouldn’t you say? ‘sides, it’s not even that bad.” He looks across the table and shrugs. “Is it, Roy?”

Roy’s glare is all the reply he needs.

“This doesn’t feel right, Gal,” says Wrighty, reaching out to touch Gary’s hand. “Are you sure you don’t want to – we’ve got a good audience, here, maybe talking about it would help.”

“This one weren’t even about the gay thing!” he argues. The other four around the table give him disbelieving looks. “It weren’t. It was just post-match frustrations, these things ‘appen.”

“But nobody ever tried to hit you before the fuckin’ gay thing, did they?” Roy says.

Gary sighs, exasperated. “I don’t want it to start a whole conversation, though, do I? Just want things to go back to normal.”

“I, uh,” Jill says, clearing her throat awkwardly. “I don’t think this one’s gonna just ‘go back to normal’, to be fair.”

Well, never let it be said that Gary can’t tell when he’s outnumbered.

“Fine,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. “Fine, we’ll talk about it. But I’m tellin’ you, it won’t change anythin’”

*

“No match commentary, for rest of season. Me as well. Studio only.”

“That’s a nonsense, Jamie, I can try talk them ‘round –”

“It were my idea.”

“James…”

Jamie’s looking at him, face set, stubborn as always. And he’s so stupid, sometimes, so naïve. Ready to go to war over something that Gary’s been treating like nothing more than a minor nuisance.

“You want things to go back to normal?” Jamie argues, voice steady. “Doesn’t get much more normal than me ‘n’ you in studio on a Monday night, does it? It’ll be like old times.”

God, but Gary loves this man.

“Thought they’ve been tryin’ to keep us apart, on screen,” he says lightly, trying for a smirk. His way of telling Jamie fine, you win this one. “Keep us from getting handsy, like.”

Jamie’s face breaks into a grin, his shoulders relaxing. “Speak for yerself, lad, I’m a professional. Think I can keep me hands to meself for an hour or two.”

“Professional my arse,” Gary says, taking a step towards Jamie. “I’d bet you couldn’t last ten minutes.”

Jamie, as if this somehow helps his case, places his hands on Gary’s hips and pulls him closer. Gary, who’s made no such promises of keeping his hands to himself, loops his arms around Jamie’s shoulders and uses one hand to gently bash the back of his head.

Jamie rolls his eyes with a fond smile and leans in to kiss him.

“Uh uh uh,” Gary says, leaning away from him. “Thought you were a professional, like, can’t go kissin’ your co-pundit where anyone might see.”

“You are such a bloody nightmare,” Jamie grumbles, and goes to kiss him again.

This time, Gary lets him.

[spicyicymeloncat]

Okay it’s 4am and I bring you: Ninjago gamer hcs (in order of who plays the most)

Jay is the gamer. That’s what he spends most of his time doing. He prefers older games for the nostalgia and has a massive collection. He also is just really into computers and consoles and knows so many unnecessary things about computing history and what pc has the best performance and what not. Yknow he’s probably a twitch streamer. And he just generally loves all kinds of games, arcade, console, computer, mobile. And he’s played all of them. He’s also probably tried his hand at coding games but he’ll start a project and never finish it (yknow like everyone ever). Jay also probably makes let’s plays and game reviews lol.

Cole is almost as diverse in his game tastes as Jay but he gets rlly into specifically rp games, and will ramble on about the plot of a game to anyone listening. He’s usually Jay’s player 2 in any co op game, and can become quite competitive (there’s like two instances of Cole being someone who beats other people’s high scores - even though one of those times was a prank by Lloyd). He’s actually got better hand eye coordination than Jay but Jay has more knowledge on game mechanics.

Pixal usually plays borg games (because yes of course Cyrus borg makes games). Regardless of what genre it is, she supports her dad. Although her favourites are racing games bc zooom. I think she’d enjoy rpgs as well idk. She got into gaming as a way to have alone time, and isn’t a huge fan of co op with the ninja because they’re really loud lol. But she can be player 3 sometimes.

Lloyd plays whatever is new trendy and “soon to be considered cringe” (not to say they are cringe but just to address the games that other ppl tend to describe as cringe). So he was big into minecraft and Fortnite (or the Ninjago versions of those) when it was popular. I can see him being in to first person shooters just because a lot of people play those. Oh and Nintendo esque games. Like we all know he kinned link from any Zelda ever. I think he’s also a fan of sonic tbh (jay too). Oh but Lloyd scarcely ever plays older games. He only really plays games that have just come out and as soon as a new game comes out he’s abandoned the old one forever.

Zane doesn’t play games all that often (honestly he enjoys board games more) but he does enjoy incredibly hard or thought provoking games. He’s a rhythm game king and is scary good. He’s also a mobile gamer on top of that. Unlike Cole, Zane can’t really get into rpgs especially if the graphics are kinda old school. Also he usually gets high scores so beating him is usually seen as a great triumph. Also everyone on the team is prone get frustrated at losing games but Zane isn’t really a sore loser because he never loses. But on the off chance that he does struggle with a game and loses, he’ll sigh and lie down on the sofa and idk refuse to make dinner. He’ll sulk the longest out of anyone and it’s fair because RHYTHM GAMES ARE SO PERSONAL OKAYYY

Nya doesnt really like video games. But she’ll play them to make jay happy because she likes seeing him game. But mostly she’ll just watch and offer random commentary. However she love love loves the dance game at the arcade because romance and also she likes being active (maybe she’d like a wii sports lol). She’s got a soft spot for the arcade but that’s about it.

Kai only likes a select handful of games and it’s usually brawl streetfighter games that specifically came out when he was a kid, and it’s mostly because he was good at them. He used to like them a lot more but grew out of it. He just doesn’t understand how complicated newer games are, and barely remembers how they work anyways. He’s like and old man who just watches Lloyd gush about the new game he got for his birthday with barely any idea of what’s going on. He’s more of jock so.

Wu does not game it hurts his eyes. I’d say he’d like chess but I think wu would absolutely despise chess (and it’s because both Garmadon and Misako are chess pros and wu doesn’t even remember the names of the pieces)

Bonus: all the ninja love (hate) mariokart and it is chaos. Cole spends 30 minutes picking a character, Lloyd can only be green characters because he relates to them, Kai is screaming because he keeps falling off the map, jay is screaming because he just screams during games, Nya doesn’t even play properly she drives around backwards on the map, Zane will get blue shelled and Pixal will win and Zane’s just holding back tears repeating “I love my gf” over and over. And Wu will unplug the tv because he wants to go to bed.

[faith--in-the-future]

Now you got me curious lol so which questions would you ask Louis if you were able to do an interview with him (on camera, not on paper)

ahh honestly so many ! and most importantly I would ASK HIM TO ELABORATE!! it drives me CRAZY when he says a hint of something bigger that he thinks and people LET IT DROP!! like UGH go deeper! ask him for examples etc etc and don't let him get away with vague answers lolol

in specific idk exactly bc I'd try to follow the flow of conversation and also it depends on what he's promoting at the time ! but guessing it was for an album I'd start with general questions about what was the "drive" for this album so like which concept(s) started it, is there something in particular you tried to communicate etc etc then asks about sounds, the production, specific choices he made etc (it's hard to do this based on an imaginary album lol)

more in general I'd want to ask him stuff like

- how come do you enjoy and support artists like the snuts or Sam fender or stone etc which like to make political and social commentary but you don't seem to want to make that kind of music yourself? (then elaborate based on his answer)

- love is such a central theme of your music and often it's portrayed in its most impervious and hurtful aspects, would you say that that comes from an abundance of experience in those aspects from you or is it more because that side just inspires you more ?

- what would you say are the most difficult parts of love/relationships for you? what have you encountered most that was hard for you?

- hope is another central theme of your music, do you feel like it can be hard to make hopeful songs without bordering on cliches or just empty optimism ? (and I'd reword the question also in reference to what seems to be his life motto too)

- in terms of hope, would you say that you were more cynical when you were younger ? and if so why do you think that is ?

- in your music and your life you seem to deeply appreciate and protect your friendships, but there's also a lot of longing for a partner in your music, do you think that friendships alone could be enough for you or are you someone who is happiest when they're with their significant other too? ( if he says the second option ) and what specifically do you find in a partner that other forms of relationships don't give you?

- your music is at times referring or hinting at sex, often with very effective and imo interesting metaphors and symbolism, but I wanted to ask is it a deliberate choice for you to be more symbolism rather than explicit on this topic?

- as a woman I have often felt objectified or sexualized by male singers and directors etc so I am always grateful that with your music there never are contents that make me or , from what I've heard, any of your female identifying fans feel that way, is that also something that u consciously decide to do or is it just subconsciously part of your work bc that's how you operate in life in general?

- speaking of these topics, you have said in the past that when you make music you take into consideration what that music will leave to the listeners, for example you try to leave them with hope and resilience rather than despair, do you ever feel like this ideal limits you while making music? like for example you'd write something but then discard it bc in your opinion it's not something that you'd want the listeners to be left with after listening?

- if that answer is yes then what would be some examples of things you avoid bc of that reason?

and I'd have MANY MORE QUESTIONS honestly I could go on all day especially if I had a whole new album to base them on!

then I'd also ask questions about his opinions on other things like

- in your opinion what is the worst characteristic of today's approach to music making?

- what do you think is lacking most in today's music and that you'd hope to see in the future?

- do you think that music fans sometimes also have a wrong approach to music too?

then I'd ask like

- you always talk about your relationship with us fans and how much you treasure it but it is no secret that you've had issues with certain aspects of fandom too, how do you juggle with contrasting feelings? knowing that those behaviors you have issues with (rightfully so) might be coming from the same fans that you feel loved by at concerts?

- in your relationship with fans I know you get comfort by our closeness and our comradery but do you ever feel like those aspects of it might be a double edged sword sometimes? bc fans might feel like they're entitled to doing and knowing more things than what is actually appropriate?

I'll stop now bc it would be too long but ahh ... so much to know!!

[bathroomtrapped]

ohmygod i literally just made an account on letterboxd bc i watched saw (2004) and loved it so much and ur interview was so inspiring to me and ive been on an absolute craze trying to reblog like every single saw post on tumblr and i somehow found your account what the heck?!!?!?! ur art is AMAZING and i absolutely love ur takes on saw as a franchise and its significance to the queer community. i hope to be as knowledgeable of this franchise as you are one day despite me only being a baby saw fan!!

i had a quick question; i found on the saw heritage post blog that they thought leigh/james/someone else confirmed that saw (2004) did not actually occur the day before 9/11 despite the phone given to them being set to that date. however, when i asked them if they knew where this source was from (bc im so curious!!! i want to know everything!!!!!!) but neither they nor i could find the actual source for that so i was wondering if maybe u knew??? just curious :3

regardless ty for taking the time to read this and dedicating so much time to this fandom!! i love that horror fans like you exist in a fandom that i previously thought would be weird and slightly disturbed film bros (i had a lot of incorrect preconceived notions about saw that have been quickly resolved i promise)

thank you!! im glad that people feel the same way about it as i do but even if people thought i was some crazy transexual making everyone else woke and pronouns, i wouldnt care. the story, especially lawrences but adams as well, really resonates with me as a trans person for so so many reasons, more than i listed in the interview. to me, i cant read his character without filling in the gaps with trans subtext. it not only explains but also enriches the personal experiences of these characters as well as their dynamics with each other. theyre both characters that are defined primarily by how theyre seen by other people, themselves, and eventually each other. the narrative is soooo focused on perception and masks and who u truly are, i find it hard to separate any kind of queer theory from that.

as for the 9/11 question thats such a dumbass pet peeve of mine. its one of the things that makes me shout UMMMM ACTUALLY at the top of my lungs. my blood pressure sours to inhuman levels when someone confidently says the movie takes place not just in 2001 but the day before 9/11. not because of some interview or confirmation from any of the crew because my knowledge of old fandom history is incredibly spotty. old sites and interviews r a mystery to me for the most part BUT! the reason it is for sure not before 9/11 is because during the flashback of pauls trap (during lawrences monologue about jigsaw) kerry tapp and sing are all at the scene with other officers and i believe its kerry who holds up an evidence bag thats labeled 2004. the scene takes place 5 months before the events of saw 1 so its not possible that it takes place 3 years before that. it just seemed like a funny (but insanely bold considering how 9/11 was only 3 years before) joke and easter egg for people to catch on to, not actual lore meant to be taken seriously.

if u want to look for the interview, i would honestly just listen to the commentary tracks bc it mightve been said there. i know in the one with leigh, james, and cary they discuss plot holes fans complained about, questions fans had online, the fanfic they read (briefly LOL). ive only seen that one (and once) but theres at least 2 other commentary tracks with different people that i havent gotten around to for fear of like. completing saw? idk i cant bring myself to watch all of the commentary tracks but theres a chance they discuss it there! i can only speculate on the reason, all i know is that saw 2004 takes place in 2004 based on actual evidence from the media itself

if u have any other questions let me know. i still have the original draft of the interview which had more questions and longer responses bc i couldve gone on for days abt the lore and saw queer theory and ill never shut up about it

[bright-and-burning]

tagged by @landoisokay and @bsaka7 to do my 9 favorite albums (with commentary. i had a lot to say...)

these are all relatively recent because i pick and choose older songs individually more than i listen to them as a single album. like i could pick at least an album’s worth of queen songs, but they’re not all off the same album, ya feel.

in no particular order!! w some explainers below the cut:

dreamland (2020) - glass animals. i almost put how to be a human being but i’ve been listening to that album basically on repeat for the last three weeks so i needed to switch it up. such an experience of an album honestly?? where how to be a human being makes me feel like the main character in an over-saturated murderous movie set in miami, dreamland is like, over-saturated fast car movie set in tokyo (the like. hollywood idea of tokyo, to be clear). forever intertwined with midnight walks through empty cities during covid, driving too fast, the first time i hung out with people after getting to come back to college, neon lights on cinderblock walls and $12 plastic handles of liquor. fundamentally bittersweet as an album imo? but so full of bangers that you forget that it’s . really sad. tokyo drifting with denzel curry was my top song of 2020 and spotify helpfully informed me that i listened to it 30 times on my 19th birthday. lol. the “get loose, streetfighter” with the street fighter sound effect… oh yeah baby that’s art. it’s all so incredibly loud also a song of all time tbh. whole album is floaty and sharp all at once, insane production, the perfect sadness layered underneath, every song building into this brilliant crescendo… perfect album for 2020 eve for like so many reasons, i could wax on about this for AGES so if u want more drop an ask no joke it’ll make my week. still holds up soooo well

lemonade (2016) - beyonce. LOL. this album dropped right around when i was getting cheated on by my gf of. over a year. and then we broke up and i signed the papers to transfer schools the next day without telling anyone. so this album fr got me through uprooting my entire life to start over. (what timing, to get cheated on right as beyonce drops her got-cheated-on album). i knew beyonce belonged on here (too influential musically to me to Not) but i was stumped on what specific album to include (i had 4 on cd in my car in high school, for example, and homecoming: the live album felt like cheating) until i remembered how much play time this one got, and how much i leaned on the album and the visuals then (which. by the way. i bought on itunes bc it wasn’t available for streaming. used precious data bc school wifi wouldn’t let me download it. possibly the last album i bought on itunes??)

save rock and roll (2013) - fall out boy. oh man. 2015 me was on one bc i was a HUGE mcr/fob/atl/p!atd/green day girl but at the Exact same time. a 1d girlie. my shuffle would literally go from mama to up all night. ANYWAYS. was stuck between american beauty/american psycho and save rock and roll, but i think american beauty/american psycho didn’t hold my attention for long and only recently came back on my radar (has some very toxic inspiration won’t lie). the mighty fall ft big sean? life changing. big fan of rappers being dropped into songs that you aren’t expecting them to feature on. “i’m either fuckin or workin so the grind don’t stop” is a work of art. young volcanoes and save rock and roll were legitimately like. the most comforting songs of all time as a sad and lonely 14 year old

when we were friends (2019) - the backseat lovers. starts out so strong and keeps it going. what an album to listen to while absurdly into someone who then starts dating your roommate lol. just like, beautiful stuff. makes me yearn. crazy good to belt out in the car while driving

cleopatra (2016) - the lumineers. feels like home, and being dumb young and in love to me. i’ve been listening to them since ho hey played on our local membership supported radio station when i was . 11?? finally got to see them two summers ago and bawled my eyes out the entire time. this whole album no skips but also like. so overwhelmingly nostalgic and infused with feelings with nowhere to go that i can’t help but want to cry. i learned how to play ophelia on a piano in a basement of a dorm i’ll never see the inside of again lol. patience makes me insane and it’s literally just piano. the lumineers in general make a lot of music that makes me ache for times and places i can’t return to, but this album is pretty peak for it

lungs (deluxe edition) (2009) - florence + the machine. god florence just does not miss does she. dog days are over another local member supported radio station hit. i started listing all the perfect songs off and then had to stop because i was listing the entire track list. floaty and romantic with a heavy edge of morbidity and violence. remember when i said i love when rappers on songs you aren’t expecting? if you listen to anything from this post PLEASE listen to you’ve got the dirtee love ft dizzee rascal from this album. a long ass album that’s good the whole way through, i’ll truly never tire of it

ctrl (2017) - sza. i think SOS might be better and eventually take this slot but i’m trying not to let recency impact this too much. drew barrymore went quintuple platinum in my bedroom in high school. it really was the perfect album for insecure 16 year old me? speaks of growth that listening to this album doesn’t hit me where i live half as much as it used to, that instead of being like damn so real sza to things like . “im sorry im so clingy i dont mean to be a lot... lonely enough to let you treat me like this” im like. damn good song

hozier (expanded edition) (2014) - hozier. take me to church another song that member supported ad-free radio station introduced me to. what a fucking album my GOD. angel of small death and the codeine scene… jackie and wilson was literally like. the love song to me. still is can’t lie. need to be saved and have hands through my hair. every single song has lines that literally make my jaw drop, i feel like i discover something new on every listen through. “free and young and we can feel none of it”… foreigner’s god makes my chest ache. i can’t fucking believe this album is ten years old???

mt joy (2018) - mt joy. another album that reminds me of home; my whole family listened to this for months on end during covid. i’m your wreck is such an opener… “and whatever happens please remember all the laughter” like i’ll cry. my instagram bio is from this song lol. the bit where it shifts into what my family calls shoulder lean mode… anyways. ASTROVAN!!! A SONG ABOUT JESUS SMOKING WEED but like. also an emotional tale of assuring mom how music’ll work out even if they’re broke the whole time. whole album gives me Feelings. this might be the happiest album on this list and it’s. not really that happy. just a very specific kind of like. optimism. we move forward even when we look back. the world fails us but we build it better. idk. like the last song is a break up song, but it’s whole thing is “so if you worry, don’t worry bout me, i always wanted you to see the california coast-line on your own time.” so like yeah, love is burning out, but don’t worry about me. i told u. Feelings.

uhhhh no pressure tagging @mecachrome @freeuselandonorris @monacotrophywife and @oscarpiastriwdc

[lemonhemlock]

i am way too late for any of this, but i felt like ranting a little (a lot) over tma, so here it goes.

i actually really, really liked the dreamlike quality of the S5 statements. i think they're some of jonny's best work. so evocative and just beautifully written, the feeling of horror so prevalent, so delicate, so entrapping. i would listen to them absolutely enthralled. what a submersive experience. so on that front, 100% would recommend.

the problems i have are mainly with the meta-plot. certainly, personal preferences and biases come into play here, bc i despise jonmartin with the fire of a thousand suns and would have loved a jonelias corruption narrative, but, i feel that, in his quest to appease the j-mart shippers, jonny sacrificed a lot of his story's integrity. also, i have no way of verifying this, but it also felt like he inserted his own biases in a way that wasn't necessarily productive.

ultimately, i feel like he disrespected his main antagonists and that essentially translated into a sort of irreverence towards his own story. elias was easily his most dramatic and interesting villain (regardless of what he originally intended for him, it's how he developed throughout the story & i think there is a certain honesty in a writer acknowledging and respecting that), stole every scene he was in, yet after his great villain reveal in S4, he is absolutely absent throughout his entire apocalypse. it creates a lack of catharsis that i find bothersome. his death is way too easy. yet when he finally appears in MAG 193, it is glorious. he is terrifyingly in the throws of religious ecstasy as the eye's pupil. such an interesting idea! so little it was developed though bc jonny for some reason doesn't like elias.

there's this entire commentary about how elias is really just there to be eye's pupil until jon takes over from him, bc it's jon the eye truly desires. as if after faithfully serving the beholding for two centuries and bringing about his ritual, the eye would just disregard elias and actually be interested in the one person who is unwilling to play ball. please be serious. not saying that jon can't be the eye's "special little boy" or whatever, but the nerfing of elias/jonah borderlines on petulant. ofc, jonny is the author and you cannot begrudge a man for writing whatever he wants, but, as a listener, i have to say it feels very unsatisfying whenever authorial biases directly affect the storyline. very deus-ex-machina. very unearned.

i also have a problem with how the eye was ultimately handled and, once again, nerfed. the introduction of this element in relation to the beholding, that it sees but does not understand, felt very trite to me. it was added as a way to de-power the eye and elevate the web. but how could it even be true in the context of the entity conceptualization? the reason scopophobia is a thing is because people fear someone is behind the watching. what they fear is judgment or someone keeping tabs on them and using that information to harm them in some way. that requires intelligence, a capacity to distinguish between the harmless and the incriminatory, a propensity for casting moral judgment, of holding people accountable, of assigning blame, of discovering people's deepest, darkest secrets, of weaponizing shame. no one is afraid of a crow or a cat staring back at them, because, while those are also living beings, they lack the higher intelligence that creates the context necessary for scopophobia. so how can the eye not possess intelligence? apparently it doesn't, because jonny decided he didn't like the eye and the spider was oh-so-cooler instead.

but that only lead to the spider being way too overpowered than it should have been. as the so-called brain of the operation, the web really manifests a lot of faults that could have been exploited, yet the character never do, because the web needs to be true It Girl for some reason. this all feels very childish. the web's motivations do not work in-universe. we are often told it doesn't have a ritual because it is content with playing its games of manipulation within the world as it currently is. and that honestly seemed a rather fair assessment to make, but later proved to be a red herring, because it was the web that was actually behind the eye's own ritual.

i have several gripes with this. 1. if the spider is so smart, why doesn't it/can't it have its own ritual and re-shape the world according to its own preferences? why does it have to piggyback on the eye's grind? 2. the spider's big plan seems to be bringing about the eyepocalypse just to convince the characters to let the fears out into the metaverse so it can start again. because, as it turns out, the eyepocalypse isn't really it's preferred state of being? it was the status-quo after all? the web DID prefer the world as it was, because it allowed it to thrive off manipulation and puppeteering, things it can't really engage in as much as it would like, since now everyone is trapped inside various fear domains. so, why-oh-why, not just leave the world as is? why even bring about an apocalypse in the first place if your intention is to always inhabit a apocalypse-less place?

i felt like this was such a plot-hole of an explanation the way it was presented. the web's greatest flaw was that it loved intricate plots so much there was a real danger of over-complicating its own plans and failing to see the forest from the trees, so to speak. the eye could have been used not to boggle down on meaningless details and ramifications, but to get a better sense of the bigger picture, something the web could very well lose sight of (pun intended). so the web's "plan" could have been ultimately rendered meaningless, because instead of choosing the simplistic, straightforward, occam's razor solution (no apocalypse, just thrive off the world as it is), it chose the overly complicated path that placed it in a situation it didn't thrive in (eyepocalypse) and made it even more complicated to get out of in the first place. it basically surrendered its destiny into the hands of people who had zero reasons to act sympathetic and could have very well chosen to destroy the entire world, fears included. and yet i am supposed to be in awe of the web's great intelligence and buy into the whole dumb eye propaganda?

many things have already been said about the moral dilemma at the end of S5 and my take on that is that jon was right. it was the merciful and just solution to prevent other people from other universes from suffering at the hands of fear entities. but i will be indulgent and account that it is a difficult choice to make for anyone, since human beings are so survivalist in nature and the choice to just make the fears someone else's problem in the hopes of their plans maybe getting foiled more effectively by others is tantalizing. who knows what any of us would have chosen had we been in their situation? perpetuating the horrors on someone else just so you could get reprieve is so cravenly but it's human and i get it. however, by no means is this a happy ending the way it was framed by the narrative. what melanie, georgie, basira and martin did was horrible and evil, but it is never acknowledged in that way. the least jonny could have done is have jon resist martin's selfish decision and have martin genuinely kill him. but, no, martin gets his romantic send-off together with jon, with the open possibility that they get transported to another world where they could start over. melanie, georgie and basira get to start a new life in the entity-less world, after contributing almost nothing. the worst characters get to live & they're validated in their awful behaviour.

however. i do feel like there were other ways to resolve the eyepocalypse without resorting to a horrible sophie's choice in the first place, but that would require a more extensive endgame re-write.

[teethkid67]

i havent said anything personally on the situation bc im not sure that its my place & not sure what my next move is .

first off shelby has been incredibly brave and as someone who doesn't watch her and hasnt ever, ive felt mostly that it was best for me to be supportive in a quiet way & that it wasnt my place to give my input . most of all i didnt want to reduce her solely to her abuse and "victimhood" as to me it feels extremely counterproductive to post only about that when she is obviously more than what she went through . it felt disingenuous to begin posting about it as if i was someone who's always cared about shubbles content when honestly im not . bc at the end of the day its not about me and its not about her abuser , its about shubble and ive never been a member of her community .

i dont want my silence to be interpreted as me not caring about the situation or not believing her because i do ; i don't want to speak where my voice isnt needed or could take away from others . from some of the responses ive been seeing though i feel its far more important to listen to and boost her voice than be quiet .

i dont want to talk about him because ultimately this is about platforming shelby and what shes gone through . that said i HAVE watched, posted about and supported her all-but-named abuser , so im involved at least on that level and i want to say i am horrified by the abuse shubble has described.

the general reaction to her coming forward i have seen on this site and others , from one end of the spectrum (she hasnt said his name so we cant know / its not that bad / blatant excuses and defense of him) to the other (leaktwt / posts about how hes always been a creep / jumping down the throats of anyone who words their thoughts in a way they deem wrong) has been horrifying to witness . some of the most unproductive commentary ive seen on an issue like this and i was here from cmc to drm .

im deeply upset and feel i should say somewhere that some of the shit ive seen is unacceptable and contradictory to shelbys initial point, which i understand to be 2 things: 1) highlighting how abuse is not always obvious, or 'normal', and ways to recognize these situations as a victim 2) to highlight her own personal experiences and to stop both her own abuser and others from being platformed .

mcytdom is NOTORIOUS for "drama" like this and similarly well-known for being unable to boost / listen to / BELIEVE victims or at least leave them the fuck alone . to anyone who's ever been groomed or abused, esp my mutuals who have received extremely insensitive messages and feedback in wake of this , my heart goes out to you and i hope you are doing alright & know how appreciated and strong you are . shelby, niki, and other victims of abuse should be listened to and celebrated for both their bravery and strength and for who they are as people .

on a more personal note heres ig what im going to do going forward

this is my blog & im not leaving it , wont be deleting any posts either , mutuals id love to stay in touch if youre moving out or moving on .

very likely ill still be here in the smp hell . just gonna have to see how i feel about it all . in the three and a half years ive been drawing reading and writing about these characters a lot has changed including my perspective . ultimately tho its not about me

general message i want to get across is that im glad shelby is healing and getting the help she needs, as well as doing well enough to help others recognize the signs . love you my mutuals and friends and followers . take care of yourselves

[quodekash]

A Way Too In-Depth Over-Analysis of Sorvus

I apologise in advance. For all of this. There’s a lot. These guys have inserted themselves into every empty renting space in my brain and uprooted all the taken spaces and moved in to everything. So to appease my brain I had to do this and then it just kept going. Also I’m Australian, so I have different spellings of some words, like “favourite” and you’re just gonna have to deal with that. Also also warning for very long paragraph rambles from me.

You’re literally gonna get the entire story here but with commentary at every paragraph. And sometimes four times in one paragraph. Anyway. 

1. “For weeks” means they’ve spent heaps of time together, and using this instance as a guide, probably with no one but them. They’ve progressively learnt more and more about each other, yet later Soren is still super bright and excited to learn that Corvus’ favourite season is autumn, and that’s just so pure.

2. I would like to see this please. 

3. “[…]lost most of the time” implies that Corvus won sometimes. teLL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERY SINGLE ONE PLS I NEED TO KNOW WHICH ONES CORVUS WON (and yeah I also just need more Sorvus content but what can I say, they mean everything to me) 

4. Corvus could probably just not participate, or tell Soren he’s too tired, or something along those lines. And yet he always tries his best, he still does it despite knowing he’ll probably lose. The fact that he’s not avoiding the challenges tells us that Corvus truly appreciates Soren’s friendship/companionship/company/etc and is fully willing to do tasks that he’s not great at to spend time with Soren and put a smile on his face. And you can’t tell me that’s not love, whether romantic or platonic or whatever. Honestly, if Corvus’ top love language is anything, I’d say it’s quality time. The other four just don’t quite fit, and, from the little we see of Corvus on screen, it seems like he’s most content when spending time with his favourite people. As for Soren, you could argue his love language is literally any of them. But I think his top two are words of affirmation and quality time - he was always so invalidated his whole life, mostly by his own father (I swear I’ll make a post of this at some point). His mother left, his father neglected him, his sister betrayed him. That’s gotta bring trust issues. So after all that, he’d appreciate someone telling him he’s worth it and telling him they love him. He’d appreciate spending time with those he loves, not even doing anything, just sitting and enjoying each other’s company, without his flaws being pointed out, without the stress of trying to keep his family together, just sitting there and loving and breathing and being. 

 1. This part could be a metaphor?? Corvus wants to go further with relationships at an easy pace where Soren wants to speed it up? Corvus is more of a peaceful person and Soren is scared of losing people and missing out on particular moments of relationships so he tries to experience it all at once?? It’s entirely possible I’m reading too far into this but I’m treating this like a school assignment, where you have to read too far into everything. You decide whether this is a good interpretation or not, I can’t decide. 

2.a. If Soren has mentioned it “every time”, that implies a few things. The first is that they go up there enough for Soren to mention it a lot. Soren has a favourite place in the entire castle, and he wants to share it with Corvus (and there’s no one up there but them ;] IM KIDDING- or am I? Honestly I can’t tell, you decide.)  2.b. The second thing is that Corvus has heard Soren talk about this part of the castle  a lot. But there’s not even the slightest hint of description of Corvus’ annoyance at having to listen to Soren constantly say this is one of his favourite places, he just lets him tell him, over and over. It’s getting little personal here, but Soren totally has ADHD, which makes my job easier bc I also have ADHD.  2.b.ii. I personally forget all the time if I’ve told this particular person this particular story/fact/whatever it is or not, so I constantly tell the same story over and over. It feels exciting bc each time it feels like I’m telling them for the first time, since I don’t remember the previous times. So when the person/people I’m talking to don’t lost their patience or get annoyed or anything when I tell them something I’ve already told them, and instead they just react like it’s the first time they’ve heard it, it feels really validating. So I’m thinking Soren feels the same, and Corvus not showing a hint of annoyance despite hearing this a lot feels really good to my neurodivergent brain and probably feels good to Soren’s, too. 

1. Corvus. Notices things. About. Soren. And not just recently, it’s “a long time ago”, meaning he’s observed Soren and committed his habits to memory for years. I love them. 

2. ADHDDDDDDD 

3. He ✨cares✨ 

1. Something about the way this is worded is so beautiful. A sentence of peaceful description in the midst of casual dialogue. It makes it feel like they’re one person, staring at the beautiful view, taking it all in, together with each other but alone from anyone else to distract them from the gorgeous autumn horizon. 

1. Like I said earlier (by earlier, I mean the literal first thing I said. There’s still a lot to go. This thing is called a way too in-depth over-analysis for a reason), Soren is so purely excited with the knowledge that Corvus’ favourite season is autumn. Autumn, the season they’re presently in. Meaning, for a few months, Corvus is always experiencing his favourite season, meaning he’s probably always feeling some amount of happiness/content, and the thought that Corvus is happy makes Soren happy. 

2. They’re both just standing on a castle, next to each other, and staring out at nature. It probably feels like they’re the only people in the world. If they’re the only people, then to each of them, the most important thing in existence is (probably) the other. It also might be a metaphor to something, but I can’t figure out what it is. It’s possible the metaphor is something I’ve already mentioned. But if anyone thinks of anything, please lemme know, it’s an itch I can’t reach so if anyone can, please scratch it for me. (I made a metaphor about not being able to figure out a metaphor. Metaphor-caption or something, idk man) 

3. Such a simple statement. Standing in such a relaxed way. He’s at peace, while alone with one of the most energetic people like ever. 

1. That’s a date. Surely I’m not the only one seeing this, right? Soren, you’re describing a date. Idk if you realised, but that’s a date. You’ve just suggested a date. And Corvus will say yes. 

2. Soren’s horrified that Corvus would possibly be mistreated. He’s also, more importantly, scared that it wasn’t mistreatment but Corvus’ choice, because if it was a choice then Corvus might not like beds and castles and other people and Soren can’t handle the thought that Corvus might leave him, just like everyone else he’s ever loved and trusted. 

3. Help now I’m picturing little forest dates, with picnics and lying next to each other, staring at the canopy of leaves above them, and glancing at each other every time the other looks away and smiling and holding hands and Soren lying with his head on Corvus’ chest and a leaf falling right on Soren’s face and Corvus’ laugher rumbling his belly and making Soren sit up and throw the leaf at him and they laugh and smile and talk and they’re in love help 

1. I kinda touched on this earlier, but Soren can’t fathom the idea of being without Corvus. Probably because of losing his entire family so Corvus is just about all Soren’s got left. And he’s really scared that he’ll lose him, too, and losing everyone would make Soren lost; lost and alone and scared and vulnerable and he needs a hug i volunteer as tribute and shut up that’s possible this is my post i make the rules but if i cant hug him then i volunteer Corvus as tribute 

2. (Yes we’re talking about sentence structure. This is a way too in-depth over-analysis, get over it already man.)  It’s repeated that something is bothering Soren. Repetition means emphasis, that the author wants us to know that it’s an important thing, so they say it a couple times. Something is bothering Soren, and that bothers Corvus. He wants to help Soren and get rid of this thing that’s bothering him (probably). 

3. Let me translate what Soren is trying to say here: “What about me? Do you like me?” He’s seeking validating and wanting to get Corvus to stay, because without Corvus he has nothing. 

1. Translation again: “I like you. I trust you. And trust is really important now, with everything that’s happened. There was a war. Everyone I’ve ever trusted betrayed me or left me. So please date me join the crown guard with me so I have more opportunities to ask you to date me it’s really big that I trust you so much, because I’ve been having issues with trust.” 

2. I have asd!corvus head canons, so eye contact here is really important and rare 

1. He’s paying attention to him. 

2. I like to imagine he did finger guns 

1. Imagine how this went down. “I like corvus a lot” “yeah, he’s great! I want him to stay in katolis but hes more at home in the forest-“ “corvus should be crown guard… I really trust him.” “-yeah, cos you’re in love with him- I trust him too. You should ask him to date you join.” (ez totally ships it and tries to set them up a lot and you cant tell me otherwise) 

1. He’s trying to avoid Corvus seeing the truth in his eyes; that he doesn’t want Corvus to go, that he loves Corvus, that without Corvus he doesn’t know who or even what he is, because Corvus is all he has left. 

2. I know this is like an emotional flicker or whatever, but what if it’s literally pain and wounds that are hidden behind his protective armour? Soren broke like all his bones. There’s almost no way he doesn’t still get flashes/twinges of pain (I feel like there’s some kind of medical term for that but I’ve forgotten what it is). He definitely doesn’t tell anyone about it, but probably gets flashes of pain every so often, and Corvus has somehow managed to pick up on that. Maybe. 

1. People with ADHD are often over-thinkers (at least I think so? I don’t have any sources for it but I’m an over-thinker and so is everyone I know with ADHD. So probably.), so Corvus said it “as plainly as he could” to stop Soren from over-thinking it and spiralling. He gets it out, doesn’t stall, doesn’t mislead, doesn’t confuse. Just says it, and there it is, and Soren is so happy

1. I’ll admit it, I’m still thoroughly confused by this part but it’s fine cos they’re both happy and that makes me happy. 

and that’s all the shenanigans i have for you today. if you made it this far, flipping wow, because there is quite literally more analysis here than there is story. 

but that’s not all from me. 

no, i have eight notes on my phone ready for things to be added to them, and theyll be here… at some point. if you wanna be notified when i post them you can follow me i guess. or go to the tag at the bottom of each of these posts, ‘tdp rambles with bj’ (hopefully it’s worked) and you can follow that or something? idk. sorry, im bad at self-promos. uhh. yeah. anyway this was fun, im so tired but so thrilled to finally have all my thoughts out in once place. stay calm and ship sorvus, everyone. 

Have a gay day!  -BJ

[theinfinitedivides]

totally obsessed with king the land and i need to rant about it somewhere and i figured this would be a fun place because i love your takes and can i start off by saying i've haven't seen someone as down bad as gu won in a really long while. to think he realized his feelings because he took a quiz a few weeks back and look at where he is now, confessing his love on a rooftop to the woman he falls in love with more and more every second.

ep 10 was honestly one of the most fulfilling romantic escape episodes i've ever seen in a show, like the locations were stunning, the chemistry was chemistrying like crazy and god the way won looks at sarang? the way he smiles so wholeheartedly? it's like she helped him rediscover what happiness and love feels like.

one thing i really loved from the earlier eps is how won always gives in and tries new things with sarang and realizes how much he enjoys it. also, the way sarang's grandma is such an important figure to both sarang and won now makes me so happy. i love how won takes all of her advice to heart and actually works on his communication.

i also absolutely loved how this week's eps focused on them just being in love and enjoying their dating era, the quality time and the constant need to touch each other and express their affection is something so precious. can't wait to see what's in store for them in the weeks to come. 🥹

i cannot tell you how honored i am to be the recipient of this little love letter to KTL bc you!!!! you get it anon!!!! i'm going to be addressing some of your points but i should warn you that it will be all over the place so i hope that doesn't confuse you once you get around to reading this sksksksk

first off, i think Won automatically gravitates towards Sa Rang's halmeoni bc in some ways she is that mother figure for him. we still haven't been told exactly what happened to his mother btw, but considering the age gap between him and his half-sister Hwa Ran you would think that after eomma "disappeared" (using that term for now) Hwa Ran would have stepped in. their relationship is so, so f*cked up, however, that she's never actually treated him as her actual sibling (as seen by her dangling the pocketwatch his mother gave him out the window/breaking it by letting it go. he still carries it around, even after all of that.) and so there is no love lost between the two of them. she has always viewed him as a competitor, someone to be wary against in her struggle for their father's company, and even though Halmeoni acts as if he is also one (for Sa Rang's hand) the way they interact says differently. (there's so much to unpack about why that is, namely the way that Gu Il Hoon treats his children and the lessons he's instilled in them, but that's not the point rn and i don't have energy to write that essay today)

so when Hwa Ran tells him not to try anything in terms of the company bc he won't be able to do anything substantial anyway, he listens, bc that fear has been bred into him. he's learned early not to expect anything akin to affection from her, learned that the only reason he's allowed to come so close is bc she knows his weaknesses (ep 3 publicity interview/panic attack anyone?) and uses them to keep him on a leash so he doesn't get in her way and he's tired. he says as much when he tells her '나 싸우고 싶지 않았어' — 'i didn't want to fight' during their convo in the lounge in ep 8 (have some slightly unrelated commentary on that scene here, although in the more recent eps after meeting Sa Rang he has begun to buck against her incessant emotional abuse). but when Halmeoni tells him to do something, he listens, bc he knows, instinctively, that whatever she's telling him is not going to sabotage his relationship with Sa Rang. she's not out to get him, and she does not loathe his entire existence—she is treating him like the grandson she does not have, and she in turn is the mother that he has been deprived of for so long.

(frankly i think the best way to describe Hwa Ran and Won's dynamic with the influence of their father coming into play is uh. 'but business is business! / and business runs in the family' from Amanda Palmer's Runs In the Family. fair warning the video is a bit all over the place and the lyrics may be triggering but i highly recommend listening to the song if you haven't already)

building off of that, i think Sa Rang is also another outlet of love for him that is making up for what he has lacked. the way she and her circle of friends, much like her halmeoni, treat him when he is around (even after a bit of a false start in the first episodes) is in contrast to his sister as well—it's implied, albeit not explicitly, that he has the tendency to attach himself to people other than her once they show him any kind of care (standing up for Sang Sik taking him with him from the internship after Sang Sik tried to help him adjust in case he got in trouble, for instance). he trusts them even if he doesn't say it, since he does not trust her, and in some ways the kind of fear he has around Hwa Ran has been rechanneled into the need to keep his eyes on Sa Rang, bc he is afraid he might lose her. and he does not want to lose her, bc he has loved someone, for once, almost as much as he has loved his mother. and so once he realizes that that is what it is he tries to tell her as much, every chance that he gets, and we get to see that in the touches and glances and the small things that he does, an opening up to her as best he knows how. i spoke more about that here, but one of the best comparisons to their relationship that i can think of (other than Mitski's Come Into the Water and KK's Aankhon Mein Teri that i have already made a post about) is this line from Lee Hae Ri's gorgeous song Maybe that she sang for the OST of Her Private Life ('어쩌면 그게 사랑 일지도 몰라 / 반복되는 일상 / 그 속에 나를 보듬어 준 네가 / 조용히 떨리는 심장이 말해 / 너를 보고 싶다고 말하래' — 'maybe it [this feeling] is love / you who've cared for me in my repetitive everyday life / my quietly trembling heart tells me to say that i miss you'), bc that is just Won telling Sa Rang in the pool in the gloriousness that is ep 10 that he missed seeing her face in so many words and God. God them!!!!! laying face down on the ground and sobbing they're too much for me

despite all of this i know something has to give in the upcoming episodes, though, and while i am not asking for heavy angst (no devastating messy breakup arc i am on my knees begging at this point) i do hope we get to explore more of that kind of dynamic between Sa Rang and Won and get a cathartic moment for him while we're at it. (if you're not going to send him to therapy to address his childhood trauma [possible panic attack trigger i see you in the ep 11 preview] then let the man cry ffs) looking forward to whatever they do as much as you are, anon <333

[levoneh]

books books

in 2021 i found reading again thru lots of romance novels

and in 2022 i would say i returned to eating a more hearty balanced diet 

here’s my most favorite to talk about

semiosis by sue burke - {SFF} generational tale of exodus ship settlers on hostile alien planet and their relationship with the sentient plant life there. oooh baby. this was the first really juicy book i read this year, and the first sci-fi i had really loved in a while. i kept thinking i knew what this book was going to be about, and then it kept pulling out the rug from under me in really satisfying ways. ended up being thematically related to a lot of other SFF i read thru the rest of the year in an exciting, brain-using way.

culture war lords by tal lavin - {non-fiction} i think part of this was so resonant bc of how i listened to it as an audiobook (in snatches while watching my nanny kids play on the playground, or while heaving their stroller up hill through the streets of jerusalem.) i wanted to talk about it with my mom, but i don’t want my mom to hear the awful things in this book.

the just city by jo walton - {SFF} athena takes nerds through time and kidnapped children to build plato’s just city. okay, so this was *~*THE YEAR OF JO*~* i first read jo walton’s books the previous year, and then became obsessed by her and am on a quest to read everything she’s written. another book i didn’t expect, very thematically connected to semiosis. what if our children don’t want what we build for them?  what if we were wrong? what will we they do with it after they decide that?

the bright ages by david m. perry + matthew gabriele - a really delightful,expansive, different kind of history book about the middle ages. set me on my obsessive medieval history streak this year (see below.) i listened to as an audiobook, but i’ll just have to reread in print to really absorb it

under the rainbow by celia laskey - {contemp fiction} members of gay rights advocacy group and their families settles in ‘the most homophobic small town in america.’ okay, i’m putting this on the list, bc i loved the premise, and there was something there!! critiques of liberal HRC gays, explorations of the relationships of children of queer parents with queerness, dark comedy potential galore. but i just felt like laskey kept pulling punches, kept going for the easy stereotype or cliché. i kept wanted it to be something it wasn’t, but i want someone else to read it so we can talk about how it could be better

 matrix by lauren groff - {historical fic} bastard daughter of the king is given a nepotism appointment as the abbess of a failing convent as an awkward teen. this falls in my absolute fave category of book, where there’s no plot but just an interesting character in interesting circumstances. deliciously meandering. tough, brilliant, prickly protagonist. 

agatha of little neon by claire luchette - {contemp fic} a nun finds herself questioning her life when she and her sisters are relocated and take up a new vocation at a halfway house. i read these two nun books close together, which was an interesting compare and contrast. this is such like a delicate book, like a crumbly, brown fall leaf. meditative, gentle and harsh all at once. really lovely. 

eat your heart out by kelly devos - {YA/horror} zombies come to fat camp.  i don’t really read YA anymore, but i’m glad i read this. not to be corny or on the nose but it was a YA book with bite. fun, sharp, by turns sweet and sincere when it needed to be, i spent a flight with this book and it was perfect. 

the space between worlds by micaiah johnson - {SFF} in a world where tech exists to enter parallel universes - if you’ve already died in them - a woman makes a career out of it because she’s died in so many of them. WOW. really gorgeous SFF in the tradition of social commentary without resorting to cheap allegory, but in a full, fascinating world. twists and excitement, heart-racing suspense. johnson is a star. 

we are watching eliza bright by a.e. osworth - {contemp fic.} female game programmer becomes the target of a gamergate-style mob. what a weird, cool book. lyrical, with interesting,unsual narrative choices and scary, i don’t think everyone would love this book, but i did. 

a river of stars by vanessa hua - {contemp fic} two chinese women flee a secretive maternity home in california and have to eke out a life for themselves and their children together. loved this for a lot of the same reasons i loved matrix, women learning to live with and for each other, no plot just people living through their circumstances, tough, brilliant protagonist. the book starts, if not fantastically, then certainly with a lot of energy and sensational events, and then settles into a grim, gripping fight for survival, but imo never enters the depressing or nihilistic. 

the monsters of templeton by lauren groff - {magical realism} a woman returns to her hometown and then the town sea monster dies and is found floating in the lake. i read this book while a only a small drive away from the town the town in this book is based off of, which was fun for me. because it really is a love letter to weird, small towns, and this weird small town in particular (cooperstown, ny) where groff grew up. it’s not an uncomplicated love letter either, there’s plenty to criticize. it was a dreamy, hold onto you kind of book. 

essential labor: mothering as social change - {non-fiction} i appropriately read the in snatches here and there during naptime in daycare. lots of juicy ideas in here, and i think it’s one of those things which everyone should probably read. another one to re-read so i can absorb it better. 

patricia wants to cuddle by samantha allen - {horror} contestants of a bachelor-type dating show get hunted by lesbian big foot. AHHH this was the most frustrasting book of the year. from the cover, to the plot summary, i wanted to read this book so bad i bought it in hardcover. the first half, which is mostly a satire of the bachelor is amazing, and i just couldn’t wait for patricia to show up. and then it all ends in a terrible rush. i remember so much the feeling of enjoying the book, and then thinking “i don’t know how this will get wrapped up satisfactorily in the amount of book she’s got left.” and she doesn’t, unforch. so close. i’m excited to read allen’s second book though. 

 doomsday book by connie willis - {SFF} due to academic red tape, a small scale pandemic, and the christmas season a graduate student is trapped in the black plague and her mentor desperate to bring her back. i just loved this book. i loved the vision of a future world of cozy, bumbling academic time travel interrupted by tragedy, i loved the technology (a tape recorder triggered by pressing the hands together so the time traveller can record her observations while seeming to pray.) i loved the catharsis and tragedy around sickness and confusion, and the way ultimately the villain of this book is pride, petty bureaucracy and a failure to care for people. so much love, noble sacrifice and care is in this book, so much friendship and charity in ways that feel special and uncheap and untrite. also somehow, for a lot of it, sort of a romp! 

the interior life by katherine blake - {SFF} sue, a homemaker is unhappy with her life. she begins imagining an elaborate fantasy world and is inspired by the heorines of that world to make small, but profound changes in her own.  what a weird book! that i’m totally obsessed with! this book changed my brain in ways i can’t fully explain. this book is half generic but good high fantasy epic, and half watching sue join the PTA, paint her kitchen, budget for classical music records, make female friends, reinvest in her marriage. the fantasy is good, but sue’s story is un-put-downable and this book was not what you are expecting it to be. the way this book talks about women and their lives is so unusual in SFF that it’s unbelievable (but not yk) that i’ve barely heard of this book. it’s hard to explain what’s so great about this book without waggling my hands around and sighing a lot but this is a really special one. 

the daughter of time by josephine tey - {mystery} a scotland yard detective laid up in a hospital bed solves the mystery of the princes in the tower. the character in another book i read read this book and then i found it on the free shelf! a funny little mystery with a classic rude detective. i don’t know if the historical research done in this book is true, but it really made me consider richard iii in a different light. so there’s that!

lent: a novel of many returns by jo walton - {historical/SFF} renaissance-era monk is not what he thinks he is, tries again and again and again.  okay, of all the groundhog days that are so popular right now, this is a groundhog day really worth your time. historically rich and fascinating, sad, funny. what a blast!

tam lin by pamela dean - {SFF lite} janet goes to small liberal arts college in the 70s, makes friends, learns about herself, reads a lot, enrolls in classes and meets some hot, weird boys. the title kind of gives away the game here, but it really takes its time getting there. lots of talk of books and homework and class schedule and campus geography and roommate politics which feels atmospheric and fun and yk academic aesthetic in a way you all would probably like. the fantasy really lays dormant a lot of the book, but i didn’t mind. dean captures being 18 and on your own for the first time so brilliantly that even if you’re not a fantasy reader and were just a kind of pretentious college kid i think you’ll love it. 

mystics, mavericks and merrymakers by stephanie wellen levine - {non-fiction} a sociological character study of some teenage girls in the lubavitch community in crown heights. i spent last shabbes reading the profiles aloud to my spouse on the couch and it was absolutely riveting. i’ve worked and socialized a lot alongside the chabad community, and so i felt like i really recognized some of the girls. at turns heartbreaking, hilarious, tender, tragic, adorable. if you (still) follow me, you’ll probably love this book. 

[saschag-finalproject]

Comparing Both Texts

The original play Antigone by Sophocles, a Greek tragedy written in the 5th century BC, and Sophie Deraspe's film adaptation share a common narrative foundation but diverge significantly in their settings, contexts, and character interpretations.

Setting and Context:

Sophocles' play is set in ancient Thebes and revolves around the aftermath of a civil war. It deals with themes of divine law versus human law, the role of the state, and the consequences of moral choices. The play is focused more on the morality of the characters, while Deraspe’s version focuses on the morality of the legal system. Both of them examine similar themes just on different scales. Deraspe's film sets the story in contemporary Montreal, Canada. It explores the life of a young immigrant family and delves into issues of immigration, justice, and family dynamics. The adaptation brings ancient themes into a modern context, addressing societal challenges and complexities relevant to today's world.

Character Interpretations:

Antigone, the protagonist, is portrayed as a defiant individual who chooses to honor divine laws by burying her brother, Polynices, despite King Creon's decree. Creon represents the embodiment of state authority and the conflict between his edicts and Antigone's moral convictions forms the crux of the tragedy. It’s a much older struggle, rooted more in misogyny and gender stereotypes than Deraspe’s work is. Antigone is one of the most notable female characters to act for herself and defy a man in a position of power. It’s her love and empathy, a typically feminine trait, that makes her stronger than Creon. “To Creon, and to the average scholarly reader… Antigone can only be “absurd” and a “little simpleton” when she says she is born to share in love, not hate” (Walsh, 57). It’s this stance that gives her strength and ultimately leads to her victory. Even in death, Antigone won. Deraspe's Antigone, while still a strong-willed character, is depicted as a young immigrant grappling with familial responsibilities and navigating the complexities of the justice system. The family's immigrant status and their struggles become central to the narrative, adding layers of contemporary social commentary. Antigone in the original play is hidden. She works at night and hides herself from prying eyes. Her actions speak louder than her words ever could. Deraspe’s Antigone is loud and prideful. She speaks and people listen. She sparks rebellion in other people like her, while Sophocles’ Antigone worked alone. There is one key defining trait though, that Antigone has undoubtedly kept in both adaptations. “Antigone is a provocateur. She provokes by explaining herself inconsistently; by pushing away those who are loyal and try to help her, including her sister; and by seeming to resist an outcome of survival at all turns” (Walsh, 8). Antigone, as a character, is not meant to be kind and soft. She is meant to be someone who fights back, and as a female character, that is one of the most important things she could ever do.

Themes and Commentary:

Sophocles' Antigone primarily explores themes of duty, morality, and the clash between individual conscience and state law. It delves into the consequences of stubbornness and the tragic outcomes of inflexible governance. As Carr states, “While Sophocles’ Antigone is doomed by fate, Deraspe’s is condemned by the system” (Carr, 2). This is one of the most significant differences between the two adaptations. Fate, something unchangeable, vs the system, something that can be dismantled. It gives Antigone something to fight back against, something that she can change, even in a minor way. It is the idea of knowing you won’t be able to change anything but trying to make a difference anyways compared to knowing you can make a difference, it will be hard and it might not be much, but it will make an impact. Both themes have the same core, but different executions. Deraspe's adaptation expands on themes of immigration, social justice, and the complexities faced by marginalized communities. It examines the challenges immigrants face, the impact of legal systems on vulnerable individuals, and the power dynamics within a family unit.

Narrative Approach:

Sophocles' play unfolds through dialogue, monologues, and the interactions of key characters on stage. Its focus is on the dramatic conflict between Antigone and Creon. It’s a much more minimal production. It’s a simple defiance from a girl against a king. Deraspe’s adaptation is on a much larger scale. She takes this story of rebellion and makes it larger. She makes the world pay attention to Antigone and her battle, and she makes them care. It’s not just about Antigone fighting for her brother; now it’s about her fighting for change for everyone. Deraspe's film uses visual storytelling, contemporary settings, and a more expansive narrative that delves into the family's life, interactions, and their struggles within the Canadian society. It utilizes cinematic elements to amplify the emotional and social resonance of the story. It’s a modern film, not just a script of a play, and Deraspe uses that to her advantage. As noted by Milena Santoro, “Deraspe modernizes other features of the Greek tragedy, using the voices of activist and gang youths as the equivalent of the chorus” (Santoro, 228). She adds a lot of visual elements and imagery to her film, especially around the image Haemon paints of Antigone in the film. It’s these visual elements that also set the film apart from its original story. Sophocles had to rely on words to get his point across, while Deraspe used every option she had available to push her message across.

[onesoftinfestedsummer]

Peppermint cappucino Strawberry milk 👉👈 And Caramel macchiato For the ask game

peppermint cappuccino - what's your favourite genre of movie, tv show, or video game and why?

actually there are going to be three separate answers to these because all of the above are very much different things in my brain.

for movies - I don't watch a lot of movies because the format is less enjoyable to me than a tv show bc I love longer narratives, so I primarily watch documentaries since they don't have this problem. I also like movies to challenge me on some level - to evoke deep emotions or provide commentary on real world issues or make me reconsider my views in some way - as opposed to tv shows which I tend to watch as pure entertainment.

for tv shows - I love love love sci fi and fantasy. I pay a great deal of attention to worldbuilding and I feel like fantasy is the best genre to play with worldbuilding, and also I enjoy it greatly when real world issues are portrayed allegorically within the fantasy narrative. Sci fi is my fave specifically because I have an interest in science and I love how you can create a brand new world by playing with real science and bending its rules just a little bit. And I think that inhuman characteristics are attractive so that's a thing also.

for video games - my absolute fave is the open world rpg genre because of the exploration possibilities and all the little side quests and stuff you can gather (I have hoarding tendencies in video games and my greatest foe is limited inventory) and, again, the worldbuilding aspect, and the fact that I can sink hundreds of hours into these games and still manage to discover something new every time I play them.

strawberry milk - what's your way of showing someone you love them, romantically or platonically?

alrighty, grab your blankets and hot cocoas, because this one's getting a complex answer.

you, dear sender of the ask, should know the answer to this better than anyone, but FINE

right off the bat, it's important to note that I do not differentiate between romantic and platonic love - I can sorta distinguish romantic attraction and a desire for romantic acts, but the feeling of love is more or less independent from that attraction and it doesn't feel different whether it's in a romantic context or platonic one. therefore my answer will encompass both of these since they're basically the same to me.

first thing that comes to my mind is verbal affirmations. however, I usually do not just straight up say the words "I love you", because I feel like they're not precise enough and "love" can mean so many different things to different people that oftentimes it's just not the most useful term. I mean, I might say them from time to time if I'm not scared of the vulnerable position they put me in haha but usually I'd rather opt for more precise description of what I feel. so, any flavour of "I enjoy spending time with you" and "thank you for supporting me" and "I'm here for you if you need me" and "you make me happy" and are usually what I'll go with.

another one is sharing my hobbies and interests with them (especially if they managed to convince me that I'm not being annoying and that they genuinely like to listen to me talk) and, for example, talking for hours about the lore of my favourite video game or sending them like 30 songs that I think they might enjoy. which I guess is connected to the wider thing of just sharing different parts of myself with them and feeling safe with them and trusting that they won't judge me for who I am. I have like, major vulnerability issues, so I rarely confide in people and let them know the actual core aspects of my identity instead of just showing them a certain aspect of me that I think they'll like and accept, so if I trust you enough to do just that, it's probably because I love you.

(i could probably go on and on about this but this is getting ridiculously rambly so let's move on to lighter stuff)

caramel macchiato - do you sleep with a stuffed animal? if so, do you have a favourite?

I don't sleep with a stuffed animal but I do have a bunch of them just chilling on my shelf, and I do have a favourite - a sauropod plushie with a bendy skeleton inside. you can bend his little legs and his tail and neck and put him in all sorts of funky poses. I am in love with him.

[atpm1976]

obviously rtd era doctor who is my always and forever favourite show and ultimate special interest but i cannot claim to know every single thing about it i think in universe i know pretty much everything but behind the scenes stuff i'm not completely confident in but i don't think im exaggerating when i say i know every single thing about the thick of it like i have seen every bit of content that exists multiple times i watched it all three times in the past two months (not including rewatches with commentary) i used to say i didn't know enough about one subject to go on mastermind but i could take ttoi on mastermind i know that show (and in the loop) inside out i have all this knowledge inside me and nowhere to put it i just keep little infodumps in my notes app. i don't know what this post is i just feel like im going to explode

[lad-boyo]

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