#love seasonal songs its the third day of summer today so yeah time to do summerpostingg this song is so good

[yume-fanfare]

they absolutely understand summer

[cursestothemoon]

Raspberry Beret

Requested: Yesss

George Weasley x Fem!Hufflepuff!Reader 

A songfic inspired by the song Raspberry Beret by Prince

Warnings: mentions of sex (nothing too descriptive), brief nudity (no description) 

Word Count: 1673

Summary: A girl wearing a raspberry beret comes into Honeydukes during George’s shift. It wasn’t long before she had his attention and his heart.

aH guys this ones a bit on the shorter side but i still think its super cute and hope you like it, thANK YOU FOR REQUESTING  

✧✧✧

George Weasley was never a man of much fortune. He and his brother had big dreams of owning their own joke shop one day, the greatest the wizarding world had ever seen. But dreams come with the pace of a tortoise, slow and steady, and not without hardwork. He knew this all too well as he started his shift at Honeydukes, a job that was as mundane and boring as his left shoe but a job nonetheless (Fred had won the bet that got him the only opening at Zonko’s).

He stood at the till, boxes unpacked and counter wiped down, and he had nothing to do. George made a mental note to take longer to do his tasks next time, never one to handle boredom well. A long, pale index finger came out to scratch at a line in the counter, the soft hum of the casual customers was enough to keep him sane though it seemed no one wanted to actually buy anything.

Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing

But different than the day before

That's when I saw her, ooh, I saw her

She walked in through the out door, out door

A loud thumping made George turn toward the supply room, racking his mind as to why his brother would be sneaking into Honeydukes when he knew for a fact he was able to go on the Hogsmeade trip today. He craned his neck to get a better view of the room through the door that had been left ajar, and to his surprise it was not his brother coming through the secret passage he was sure, up until now, only they knew about.

Instead, George watched three girls climb through the open square in the floorboards, each one looking vastly different from the other. But the one who caught his eyes was the last to emerge, her voluminous curls bouncing as she hoped to her feet. It was the raspberry colored beret that sat gently atop her head that had his face splitting into a grin. Her hands came up to straighten out the wrinkles in her bright yellow sweater and white skirt. George thought she was the picture of summer in the middle of this dreary Autumn and he was sure that as she caught his eye and gave him a small smile whilst putting a finger up to her lips, asking him to keep this a secret, he fell in love with her.

She wore a

Raspberry beret

The kind you find in a second hand store

Raspberry beret

And if it was warm she wouldn't wear much more

Raspberry beret

I think I love her

Her and George didn’t talk much in the beginning, preferring flirty glances and secretive smiles as he checked her out at the till, in more ways than one. And as he watched the season change from a crisp Autumn, to dreary Winter, then finally a soft spring George noticed that one thing that stayed the same was the second hand raspberry beret that she wore oh so delicately. Y/n L/n, he had learned after the first time he had to ring her up, was his own Parisian delicacy. Her body had infiltrated the walls of his mind, now occupying his thoughts nearly every waking hour, and her face, crafted with the looks of goddesses divine in mind. George was sure he was in love with her, and he was going to ask her on a proper date.

Y/n had come into Honeydukes on her own today, a bright yellow and black scarf hanging off her figure due to it being one of the breezier days of the new Spring. A smile was brought to her lips as she saw George leaning against the till, eyes already on hers as he smirked in her direction.

“Lovely day isn’t it?” He asked, eyes following Y/n’s figure as she walked closer to where he was.

She nodded, “Yeah, a bit chilly but I’ll manage.”

Built like she was

She had the nerve to ask me

If I planned to do her any harm

George grew more frantic as she neared the doors to leave the shop, his feet carrying him your way before his mind could catch up.

“Y/n!”

She turned back at the sound of his voice, butterflies erupting in her stomach at the way her name seemed to cascade out of his beautifully drawn lips.

“Whatdya say to a date with me?” His charming smile made her swoon, but she knew his reputation around Hogwarts.

George and Fred Weasley were big, bright, and boisterous. Most people knew of them and most girls would fall at the feet of the handsome red haired twins, Y/n wouldn’t be another blind sheep in a herd of lovesick girls.

Her tone was playful as she asked him, “I don’t know, are you planning on breaking my heart when you’re done?”

“Never.”

I could tell when she kissed me

She knew how to get her kicks

The day was cloudy, the overcast grey sky made everything seem more blinding. It was their third date and George was hoping she’d let him kiss her, she had been quite a tease only letting him get close enough to place his puckered lips on her soft cheek.

Her raspberry beret was placed on her head just as it was every other day, and George couldn’t help the grin that broke onto his face as he took in the way the raspberry red seemed to compliment her skin exceptionally well.

“You haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” Y/n laughed incredulously as she noticed George seemed to be lost in thought as he looked at her.

He gave a sheepish smile, “Not a single one, love, too busy thinking about how bloody beautiful you are.”

Y/n leaned closer, close enough to brush her nose against his making him smirk. George felt the anticipation build, and his eyelids drooped lazily as he prepared, or hoped, for her to come the rest of the way to his lips.

“Is that so?” Her tone was teasing, and her smile drove him mad.

George gulped, finding he was fresh out of words at her confident wittiness. Luckily, George wouldn't be needing any words as Y/n grabbed hold of his face and pulled his lips onto hers. Her lips were soft and tasted of, ironically enough, raspberries. Her hand found its way down his chest then back up as she pulled him closer, taking clear control over the kiss as George was happy to have her the dominant one for now. It was obvious she knew what she was doing, her tongue coming out delicately to swipe at his making his knees buckle just before she sank her teeth into his bottom lip giving it a pull before letting it go, watching as it bounced back to place.

“Kiss me like that again and I might start listening more.” George chuckled, his eyes only on her lips.

Listen

They say the first time ain't the greatest

But I tell ya

If I had the chance to do it all again

I wouldn't change a stroke

'Cause baby, I'm the most

With a girl as fine as she was then

The rain was heavy as George and Y/n ran back into the castle, eager to get away from the aggressive weather. Their date, a picnic, had been going perfectly, but the mid spring rainfall was unexpected and caused them to break into a mad dash to get back under cover.

They rushed to a dark corridor, away from the other groups of students trying to get away from the rain. George pulled her face to his, pushing her body back against a wall as he kissed her. Y/n pulled away, separation making a smacking noise, and looked up at him with a mischievous smile. Her hand came up to play with the collar on his shirt, gentle fingers making goosebumps rise on his skin. A growl emitted from the back of his throat, his hands grabbing her by the hips and pulling her closer wanting another kiss. Y/n put a hand to his chest as she looked up at him from under her lashes.

“Come back to my dorm.”

George smirked, “And what would you have us do if I did?”

“I think I’d let you take advantage of me.” She whispered by his ear, lips brushing against his skin making the hair on his neck stand up.

He was quick to get back to the Hufflepuff dorms, tugging her by the hand as she giggled at his hastiness. George’s long legs moving faster than hers and strides more determined as his mind was already set on one thing, and one thing only.

The dorm was empty, thankfully, and she cast a locking charm as well as a silencing charm on the door before turning back to an eagerly awaiting George. This was their first time together in such an intimate way but both of them would be lying if they said they hadn’t imagined it late in the night.

The atmosphere was light, giggles being pulled from her lips as George wanted to make this as enjoyable for her as possible. And despite first time awkwardness, George wouldn’t change a thing, not a single one, as he stripped her of her clothes, raspberry beret falling off her head as George laid her down onto the bed.

As George laid awake in Y/n’s bed, her body, naked and warm, tucked under his arm with her head on his ever so elevated chest as she slept soundly, he smiled to himself as he looked at the raspberry beret laying near the edge of the bed.

She wore a

Raspberry beret

The kind you find in a second hand store

Raspberry beret

And if it was warm she wouldn't wear much more

Raspberry beret

I think I love her

[giyuwu-san]

spike into water // ushijima wakatoshi

— It’s sports season! Volleyballs and swimming caps are everywhere in this unlikely love story! But can the aspiring swim captain find a way for romance with the stoic volleyball captain Ushijima Wakatoshi?

↱ PAIRING : Ushijima Wakatoshi x Female-Swimmer!Reader

↱ WORD COUNT : 7.6K

↱ WARNINGS : Angst, Pining, Slow-burn

↱ TAGS : @assortedanime​ @tetsukuroos​ (I’m not even sure if you guys remember asking to be tagged LMAO)

↱ ASK :  Hi! I dont know if you are still accepting requests, but if you are can i request for a oneshot of Wakatoshi falling for the (fem) swim captain at Shiratorizawa who also happens to be on the Japan swim team. I dont have a specific scenario for them interacting they could be dating and she shows up to one of games against karasuno(?) (I’ll leave jt up to you anything is fine) 😅. Thank you so much ! ❤️

↱ AUTHOR’S NOTE : It’s finally here! I’m also testing out a new format nyehe tell me what you think! Anyways this fic took me absolute ages and if you were one of the ones that had been with me throughout my writing process you know exactly what I’m talking about LMAO. But it’s finally here, so I hope you guys like it! This is also my first ever playlist fic, so each scene has their own song selected by yours truly! But it’s not mandatory for you to enjoy the fic! It just enhances the experience I think! Anyways, I don’t really know what else to say so I’ll just let you guys read it!

↱ PLAYLIST

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scene one; i’ll try 

Shiratorizawa!

The pounding of the drums sent a familiar shiver through Ushijima Wakatoshi's spine. Except for the fact that the tingling wasn't usually something he felt because of the cheers. On ordinary days, the piercing screams were nothing but background noise. Something he could unconsciously drown out.

It wasn't that he was ungrateful for the support his fellow schoolmates showed, it was quite the opposite, but with the intensity of the sport he played, the uproars could only be driven back as a mere afterthought, something he would easily forget about, a buzz at the back of his mind. 

Shiratorizawa!

Today, however, a thought was pushing through the forefront of his mind. It was like something was screaming at him to do something, but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what. 

It was currently the fourth set of their game against Karasuno, and as he looked around the sea of white and maroon, as well as the contrasting colors of black and orange, he couldn't help but feel strange. 

Shiratorizawa!

          "Shiratorizawa?" 

Her face dropped as the sudden realization dawned upon her, and Ushijima had no choice but to watch silently. The way her soft eyes tensed into a tight glare, gazing back into his with a look of concealed hurt and betrayal. It pained him, to see the person he cared so much about, shrink back into the weak, vulnerable girl he had met all those years ago.

The ringing of the referee's whistle was what brought him out of his daze, walking briskly to the sidelines as the game was halted by a technical timeout. The cheers of the crowd didn't stop and with the added layer of another school, the overlapping cries were muddling together in what seemed to be a second battle off the court. The rhythmic beating of drums, the frantic clapping of cheer bats, and the deafening screams of the masses. 

School was out for the day as the sun was slowly setting outside, its rays creeping through the windows, casting a golden sheen across the empty hallways. Most of the students had already rushed out as soon as the bell rang. Ushijima, however, being a new student, had to lag behind to settle the remaining paperwork with his new teachers. 

And as he walked down through the empty floors, hands gripping the straps of his backpack, he felt his body halt as the peaceful campus was interrupted by an earsplitting scream.

The scream Ushijima heard resounded throughout the hallways, the sound ripping through his ears as it got dragged out by the constant echoes.

Who could that be? And at this time?

Ushijima didn't know the campus all that well, it was his first day, how could he? Yet as the screams only got worse, his feet started moving towards the sounds plaguing his elementary school's hallways. The cries getting louder as his feet stepped further in rapid succession, every step he took, the louder the screams rang in his ears.

As he crept closer, new sounds started inviting themselves through his senses, the screams were clearer, but now there was something else.

Are those water splashes?

Ushijima couldn't know for sure, but as his feet walked farther, he found himself halting in front of a room. 

Opening the sliding doors, he was greeted by the sight of a girl splashing around in the water, head protruding from the surface every few seconds. And at that moment, it didn't take an adult to realize that the girl in front of him, whose screams were becoming more chocked, wasn't here to swim.

She was drowning.

The timeout had ended and Ushijima was once again standing tall on the court, eyes focused and calculating. Whatever feelings were emerging from within him, the sudden wave of nostalgia that would wash over him, they could be dealt with at another time. He needed to focus, sharpen his senses on the game in front of him, but no matter how hard he tried, there would always be an inkling feeling that lingers at the back of his conscious.

The girl was shivering and clinging onto Ushijima's body. Which now matched hers as the droplets of water fell onto the tile floors beneath them.

He couldn't quite process what exactly just happened. He couldn't understand how he had found himself in this situation, but he understood that the girl was safe. And that was all he needed to understand. 

          "Don't let me go," he heard her say despite her coughs. He heard her, and he listened. Holding onto her form tighter before rushing her to the nurse.

scene two; you’ve got a friend in me

          "Toshiiii!" you said. The joy in your voice making itself known as you trudged further into the small yard with Wakatoshi and his father playing volleyball together. "Let me play too!" you pouted.

The young boy turned to you and nodded promptly, much to your delight. 

          "Y/N-chan! How nice of you to drop by!" said Ushijima's father, a wide smile plastered onto his face as he waved at you. He was always such a kind man, always welcoming you with open arms. And as you ran over to where they were playing, the smile never once left his face.

Knowing this, you could only laugh as you stared at the boy in front of you. Face emotionless and unwavering in comparison. 

It had been a year since that incident in the pool. The memories that still plagued your mind sent your body shivering similarly to how it did back then. But looking at the boy staring back at you, your troubled mind found comfort in his eyes. Eyes that were calm like the grass that surrounded him, swaying softly as the wind brushed its soft fingers through it.

          "Do you know how to play?" he asked you. 

          "N-no," you said meekly. "But if I learn, do you think I can be as good as you?"

And at that moment, the ball that was once in Wakatoshi's hands flew over to your direction. A small yelp escaped you, your arms flying up to protect your face.

          "Maybe," was his only response as you huffed and picked the ball back up.

         "I wasn't ready yet!" you tried acting mad but ended up laughing as the fifth-grader looked at you blankly once more. "Don't think I'm weak just because I'm a third-grader!"

          "But if I thought you were weak wouldn't I have warned you before throwing the ball?" he retorted back.

          "Oh yeah..." you said in sudden realization. 

Ushijima's father, who was watching from the sidelines, couldn't help but laugh.

scene three; i smile

The warm beads of sand tickled your feet. The ocean waves flowing smoothly against the surface as it danced back and forth with the current. And the sun shined brightly above, casting a sheen against all that stood below it, basking everything in sunlight. It was a beautiful day.  

Your family had decided to take a summer trip to the beach. It was the final week of your summer break, and once this was over, you would be coming back to school a fourth-grader. 

You looked towards Ushijima and his father, having had tagged along after you had invited them. The olive-haired boy still wearing the same unwavering expression. You laughed at him despite yourself. You would think someone who was going to be in the sixth-grade, and soon a junior high-schooler would at least try to make himself seem more approachable. 

You bowed to his father in greeting. The man smiling back at you before walking over to your parents for a chat, leaving you alone with Wakatoshi.

You had remained friends ever since the incident at the pool. Only having grown closer throughout the summer break with your frequent visits to his house.

          "Toshi! Let's play beach volleyball!" you piped up at him as he looked at you curiously.

          "Sure," he said.

But you should have known with your volleyball skills not having improved much, that the game was going to end quicker than you thought.

Huffing in frustration, you plopped down onto the sand with your arms crossed. 

          "Why can't I be as good as you?" you asked him. Your eyes peering up at him as a small pout played on your face.

          "Maybe you're just good at something else," he said, shoulders shrugging slightly.

          "Like what?" you asked, only for him to shrug once more. Making an exasperated sigh escape your lips as you laid down on the sand.

          "Why don't you try learning how to swim?" he asked suddenly, making your body jolt up. Your face looking up at his with bewilderment, was he insane?

          "Woah, wait, what brought this up?" you asked him. "You know I can't!"

          "Why not?" was his reply. Of course, that was his reply. "We're at a beach."

          "No," you said.

          "Why?"

          "I might drown." you looked up at him, and his eyes softened ever so slightly. He knew why you were scared, but you couldn't just keep living your life having this one memory hold you back, right? Because even if he didn't say it outright, you were his friend. And friends care about each other and want them to be better.

          "I'll teach you," he said. You looked at him with shock, but with his face looking oddly determined, you agreed begrudgingly.

The water felt cold against your body as you tried to float on top of it. With Toshi supporting you as he held you up, you tried to calm down.

But it wasn't working.

The feeling of having the air blocked out, the feeling of your vision blurring, and your body going into a panic. It kept playing at the back of your mind like he was going to let go and watch you sink deeper and deeper. You felt like shaking, maybe you were, but then suddenly—

          "It's okay," he said, holding you tightly. "I won't let you go." 

He looked at you carefully, attentively.

          "So just breathe."

He was right, it was okay.

You took a deep breath, letting the air fill your lungs, and the ocean breeze brush against your skin. He won't let go.

And soon it felt like you were floating, and you were. Toshi gently moving you around the water as your body continued to float against it. You looked at him, and you smiled. 

It didn't take long until he started teaching you the basics of how to swim, or at least he tried to. You did now know how to float, but you still hadn't gotten over the fear of your head being below the water, and Toshi knew this. 

          "Take a deep breath," he said. And before you knew it, his hands covered your ears as he pushed both of your heads underwater.

It felt like you were entering a different realm. It felt peaceful, serene even. As he looked into your eyes to make sure you were okay, you stared back into his. The gentle hum of the ocean was something you never knew existed, its melody ringing in your covered ears as it almost lulled you to sleep. 

It was because of him that you could hear such a beautiful song, and it was because of him you suddenly felt braver, stronger.

You brought your own hands up towards his ears, cupping them the same way his hands did with yours.

You wanted to stay like this forever, in this dream, with him.

But eventually, you had to come back up for air. Breathing in as the sunlight suddenly evaded your senses, you looked into his eyes, with a new fire evident in your own.

          "One day, I'll definitely be as good as you," you said. And for the first time since meeting him at the pool that day, he smiled.

scene four; i like you

          "Nice receive!" 

The gymnasium watched on carefully at the match playing before their eyes. It was the last day of their elementary school's sports festival and the volleyball game playing on its final set was keeping everyone on edge. It was a close game. The third set seemed never-ending as both teams fought back and forth in a deuce. 

You watched Ushijima as he moved together with his team in what seemed like some sort of spontaneous choreography. They were at match point a few seconds ago, but that was until the spiker from the other team came forward, evening out the score, and bringing both teams' scores into the 30s. 

You were biting your nails, the jacket you wore seeming to be useless against the chills running through your body at the intense match. Miraculously, however, the other team's serve went too far out and placed Ushijima's team back at match point. You gripped the metal bars in front of you, your gaze fixated onto the olive-haired boy. Your head felt like exploding as the internal chanting kept getting louder and louder. And that was probably because the chanting wasn't internal anymore.

          "Ushijima Wakatoshi!" you screamed, catching the attention of both him and everyone else. "Show them how strong you really are!"

His face remained expressionless like it always was, but you could feel the aura around him change. It was almost as if the air started circling him, the air pressure shifting and rotating against all opposing currents. And you knew everyone else could feel the change too. Like everyone was getting sucked into a whirlpool, a vortex.

He jumped into the sky, the setted ball flying towards him as if it knew that was where it was meant to go. 

You saw him bring his hand down, and you saw the ball hit the floor.

You watched as the ball flew back up just as quickly as it had hit the ground. The sound it emitted seemed almost high pitched and scattered as it resounded around the silent gymnasium. The scattered sound, like droplets of water that would be thrown up into the air, punched upwards by something crashing into it. 

The ball was what crashed into it, a spike into water.

The game ended with your school's victory. The court divided in both triumph and failure, but it was a good game nonetheless.

You were walking alongside Ushijima, still as expressionless as ever. You looked at him and couldn't help but chuckle.

          "You just won a hard game," you said, eyes locking on to his profile. "Shouldn't there at least be a tiny little smile?" you chuckled even more as you brought your fingers up to the ends of his mouth and hoisting them up to form a small, makeshift smile. It was good enough.

          "I'm smiling in the inside," he said. You laughed at his attempt at being playful. But he was right. After knowing him for two years, you had grown a strange skill of identifying his moods. You knew he wasn't the type of person to wear his emotions on his face, but you knew more than anyone that he felt emotions just as intensely as anyone, if not more.

You looked at him some more, imagining what kind of smile he was wearing within himself. Would it be a goofy smile? Teeth butting out? Maybe with some gums showing? 

Or would it be the small, proud smile he showed you that day at the beach? When he looked at you like you were the most amazing person in the world. Like you were his pride and joy, the strongest person he knew.

He smiled at you like that, yet whenever you looked at him, you almost felt like crying. To you, he was the most amazing person in the world. Your pride and joy, the strongest person you knew.

You looked at him, and wanted to love him. 

You wanted to love the way his hair would turn darker when damp from sweat. The sweat that showed he had worked hard, that he had grown stronger and will continue to do so. You wanted to love the way he was always there for you when you needed him the most, even when you didn't know he was there. You wanted to love the way he looked at you. Fantasizing that maybe he would look at you, and want to love you too.

You wanted to love him, because you do.

You smiled at him, then looked forward ahead of you. 

          "Come to my game later," you said, determined. Finally having the chance to show him how hard you had worked. You zipped up your club jacket and continued looking ahead. You took a deep breath. Halting your steps, you looked at him. 

          "I'll show you how good I've gotten."

scene five; i’ll remember

The cold air of the pool washed over your entire body, sending a shiver down your spine. You looked around the room, the bright lights that shined from above you, the white walls that surrounded you, and the aquamarine tiles that were below you. You looked at the clear water that flowed calmly within its confinements. 

And then you looked at him, into his eyes.

You smiled at him, a bittersweet smile. It was his last year as an elementary school student. Soon enough, he was going to leave you behind to fulfill greater heights. He was going to leap forward and fly higher and higher.

And so were you.

You were going to show him how far you've come. That you had become someone he could be proud of, someone that you could be proud of. You were both going to become stronger.

Together.

You were both going to go separate ways, towards two different paths. And as you took your position on the stand and the whistle resounded across the room. You leaped forward towards yours.

The water hit your face as your body started moving, hearing the same song you did at the beach, just with a different melody. The tempo was faster, you were faster. It was like your body was moving, dancing, through the water. 

You felt at peace. The water that you used to fight with, the water that you couldn't get along with, had finally accepted you with open arms. Letting you move through it, forming a passage for you to cross. 

There were many setbacks. Times when you receded back into the girl that almost drowned, that was scared of the water taking her. There were times when you would lose your calm and fumble. Times when you would think back to the fear and let it consume you.

You were waiting for that moment to happen, waiting for it to appear and devour you.

But it never came.

Instead what appeared were the memories you had with him. All the times you had been with him, and all the times he had been with you.

          "I won't let you go," he said.

You wanted to thank him for these memories. Memories that helped you get through your hardest days, memories that made you remember that he was always going to be there no matter what, always beside you. 

Even if he was going to graduate soon, and leave you behind. Even if there would come a day when you would have to say goodbye, you would always keep these memories he had given you, and never let them go. Promising to yourself that you would remember.

You would remember these memories, the ones that made you love him even more.

He watched you from the sidelines as your body seemed to move in sync with the water. Watched as your head peeked out momentarily, only to gracefully dive back in. It was as if you were performing a coordinated swing, dancing along to music he could not hear.

He looked at you and saw no trace of the girl drowning in the pool that day. You had come so far, and no words could express how proud he was as he watched you swim further ahead. No fear or hesitation apparent in your form. It was like you were a completely different person.

And then your head jumped out of the water after reaching the end of the pool, and it was as if you were reborn perfectly anew. 

You locked eyes, and showed him the most radiant smile he had ever seen. How could he possibly not smile back?

He looked into your eyes that gleamed brilliantly at him. Eyes that conveyed words that only he could hear, and feelings only he could accept.

          "I told you," his smile grew wider. "I told you I'd be just as good as you." 

scene six; when you love someone

Ushijima was walking alongside you, who was smiling brightly, feet skipping. You were looking at him with the smile he had seen countless times. The smile that was so happy, it hurt him to see you any other way. 

Whenever there were times that your smile would lose its joy, it's brilliance, he wanted to give it back to you. He would do whatever it took just for your smile to stay the same. It made his heart ache thinking about the times you weren't smiling, when you were weak and shaking in his arms.

But as he looked at you now, your hair slightly damp and your eyes shining like the moon that illuminated onto them so beautifully. He looked at you now and felt his heart sing with joy. 

He remembered all those times he wanted to take your pain away. Those times when he would rather have your tears be his own. He almost wanted to curse himself for only being able to be with you, that the only thing he could do to ease the pain was to stand beside you.

He looked at you now and continued to watch you walk— grow. 

Yet again, always beside him. And he felt happy.

His heart ached and soared at the same time. Just the mere thought of you sending shivers down his spine, his young mind was racing with these new feelings he didn't understand. 

          "It was an eventful day today," he said, trying his best at conversation.  

          "It was," you said back, your face turning to look at him and— your smile. 

You're so beautiful.

The sparkle in your eyes, the pink of your cheeks, the curves of your lips, everything, everything was so beautiful.

And then, your smile softened, and soon vanished into a small frown. 

He was distraught.

          "Do you know," you trailed off slightly, your eyes dropping down onto the ground as you kept walking, "why I was drowning that day?"

          "You didn't seem to want to talk about it," Ushijima said carefully.

You chuckled a bit, playing awkwardly with your hands.

          "It wasn't anything serious." You continued, "Actually, it was kinda stupid, ya know?" 

He nodded to you, still listening. 

          "Maybe..." you drifted off once more, "maybe that's why I was so scared to tell you, cause, I thought that you would think that I was really lame."

          "I would never think that," he replied bluntly.

          "Yeah," you looked at him again, a fragment of your smile coming back to your face. "I know."

He was still looking at you expectantly, though not inclined to ask you outright, he couldn't deny that he was curious.

          "It was during swimming classes that my favorite necklace broke and fell into the pool." you laughed at yourself, cheeks heating up slightly. 

          "And so you decided to go back after school to try and get it out?" he asked, which only made you feel even dumber. 

          "Yeah..." you said, before huffing and replying, "but it was my favorite necklace, okay?!"

          "Okay," he replied, looking at you.

You stopped in your tracks and stared at him dumbly.

          "Y-You're not gonna call me dumb?" you said.

          "No," he said. "Do you want me to?" 

          "No!" you coughed. "I mean, no."

          "Okay then," he replied once more before walking again.

          "I just thought—" you sighed. "I thought you would laugh at me."

He looked at you. You were frowning with your eyes focused down onto your shoes, the smile he loved nowhere to be seen. You had just won a competition, why were you so gloomy all of a sudden? 

          "We all did foolish things when we were younger," he tried his best to cheer you up, to have you smiling again. "It's nothing to be ashamed of."

You perked up at him slightly. Almost there.

          "What kind of necklace was it?" Please give me your smile again.

          "It was silver, with a little feather pendant attached to it," you said, your small smile growing ever so lightly. Just a little more.

          "I see," he said, watching you intently. Waiting for your smile to grace him with its presence once more, please let me make you smile.

He stopped dead in his tracks, causing you to do the same. Turning his body towards yours, he looked at your confused face. Your face looked so pretty under the street lamp, the dull lighting draping over your features so casually. But he knew that your smile could outshine the lamp tenfold. So please, just smile, be happy. 

He brought his index fingers to the corners of his mouth, stretching them up and forming a wide makeshift smile. 

You're so beautiful when you're happy.

You started laughing, and his heart was overjoyed. 

He hoped you could hear him, hear his heart beating— singing for you.

And so as you laughed at him, the smile he loved so much making its way back to your face, he promised to do everything he could to make it stay. 

All your struggles, all your pain, he would carry them for you. Because that's what you do; when you love someone.

scene seven; i need somebody

You smiled brightly at the slightly flustered Ushijima, his fingers that were once on the corners of his mouth now falling back down to his sides. You watched him look at you, and the frown that you had earlier made its way back to your face. 

You wanted to prepare yourself— prepare him for what you had to say. No matter how much you thought about it, you couldn't find the right words and rambled instead. But even in your struggles and indecisiveness, you had to tell him.

          "Toshi," you started. Feeling the lump in your throat as you stared into his olive eyes. You eventually turned and looked away. "Where are you going for junior high?" 

A simple, evasive question, it was all you could muster.

He seemed to have thought nothing of it, "Shi—" but that was until he stopped, and stumbled. But even with his momentary uncertainty and falter, he still looked at you.

          "Shiratorizawa," he finally said to you.

          "Shiratorizawa?" 

Your face dropped as the sudden realization dawned upon you, and Ushijima had no choice but to watch silently. You had expected it— knew that this was how it was going to happen, yet the true reality of the situation had only hit you now. After all the desire for improvement and strength had calmed down, all that was left was you and him, standing in front of each other in a dimply lit alley, cursed with the impending fate of a goodbye.

Your soft eyes started to fill with unknowing tears, gazing back into his with a look of hurt and melancholy. It pained him, to see the person he cared so much about, shrink back into the weak, vulnerable girl he had met all those years ago.

But you could still visit each other, he thought. Your houses were still close. Nothing needed to change, right?

          "Oh," you said. "My family and I are moving to Australia." 

          "Oh," he said back. "I see."

          "Yeah..." you fiddled with your fingers, the lights above you flickering.

You thought that it was over, it was done. There was nothing else that was needed to be said. And so you turned and walked away, even when you didn't want to. 

You wanted to turn around and hug him, tell him that you didn't want to go. Cry into his arms and listen to him. Listen to how his heart was beating too fast, listen to him breathing unsteadily. Listen to him as he would mutter a weak invitation to his graduation ceremony, that he wanted you to stay, with him. 

But none of it came, there was no invitation, there were no hugs, and no turning back. 

You wanted to stop and— just stop and not go, to stay. But you didn't.

And he didn't stop you. 

Ushijima spiked the ball hard into the other side of the court. Feeling all the adrenaline rush in with the unwelcome resurgence of memories fogging his mind into an intense haze. 

He suddenly remembered the way your eyes shined in the moonlight that very night. The way your face glowed and your hair cascaded down your shoulders, he remembered you, and your smile.

Why did it have to be now that he would remember you, yearn for you, after all these years of painful acceptance? Why did it have to be now that he would be overwhelmed by the questions of what if?

He couldn't explain it. The thought that was being pushed through the forefront of his mind, the light buzzing and banging. Like something was screaming at him to do something, and getting louder and louder. 

He looked across the crowd, the opposing team having called for a timeout. He looked across the cheer squad and large drums. The banging ringing in his ears louder than ever, maybe he was just going crazy?

But with the sinking feeling that he was getting closer to something, he let the moment of insanity slide for now. He kept looking, scanning every face that came into view. That maybe there was something— someone he needed to see.

And then he saw you. Your eyes shining, face glowing, hair cascading down your shoulders, everything. He saw you, and you saw him. Your mouth coming up and forming that smile he loved so much. You always smiled at him so perfectly, but more than that, you were here, cheering for him. 

He ignored the strange looks his coaches and teammates were giving him. He was aware that they probably thought he was going through it, because maybe he was. He just couldn't believe it. You were right there.

He then heard the familiar whistle blow across the gym. And he was momentarily knocked out of his daze. He sent you one last look, and ignored all his questions, when, why, and how you were here was something he could deal with at another time. Because when he finally stepped back onto the court, he was stepping in for you. 

For all the moments you had, and all the moments you didn't. For all the words that had been said and the words that could have. He stepped in for you, for the girl that stole his heart all those years ago. He stepped in for the two of you and what could have been. 

scene eight; all alone

The gymnasium fell silent as the game came to its end. The court divided with mixed emotions of celebration and loss. Ushijima looked at you from the crowd, smiling reassuringly at him. He felt relieved.

Leaving the gym, Ushijima headed back to where he placed his gym bag. Jogging idly towards it, he picked it up and slung it over his shoulder. 

He sat down inside the bus, utterly exhausted. The match had taken its toll on every player, and Ushijima was no exception to its physical and mental turmoil. He let out a prompt sigh.

The bus was surprisingly quiet, given that Tendou was inside, but he guessed even an eccentric like him had his limits, and he couldn't fault him for that. He instead took this moment of tranquility to organize his feelings. 

He saw you again. After almost three years of distance, you were finally back.

He unzipped his gym bag and found his hands enclosing around a box. He took it out and examined it like he had many times before. Carefully opening it, he stared as the light from outside shined onto the silver of the necklace, from the clasp to the feather pendant that hung upon it. It was still in perfect shape, from all the times Ushijima dreamed of giving it to you one day. And that chance had finally come, three years later. 

He let his mind wander to the moments he wanted to share with you, the words he wanted to say. He wondered what it was like for you all these years if you were happy and experienced precious memories just like he did. There was so much he wanted to know, wanted to ask. 

So much he wanted to make up for. 

He sighed and leaned back into his seat. You didn't even notify him that you were coming back, it was all so sudden. Were you going to attend high school in Japan? Which school? 

He was going to graduate soon, just like three years ago. The term was almost over, and the school was already accepting new students. There was a possibility, but one he was reluctant in letting himself believe in or more or less hope for. He wondered if he was just getting his hopes up. 

He wondered about all the options, all the possibilities. Did you just come back to watch that one game? Did he already miss his shot as soon as he got the chance? 

He massaged his forehead briskly and decided to sleep on it. He was too tired to think too deeply about anything at the moment. If he really wanted to know, he would just have to find you and ask you himself. And maybe then he would be able to tell you he was in love with you.

And find out that you were in love with him too. 

scene nine; you were beautiful

Ushijima walked through the crowd of people occupying the hallway. It was louder than usual, the students already making plans for summer break with the term almost at its end. 

He was on his way to practice, but that was until a figure started walking by his side. He first paid no mind to it and kept walking, only sneaking a glance and seeing— you.

He stopped.

          "Hey," you said to him, smiling. "It's been a while."

          "Yeah," was all he could say.

          "It was a good game," you said. "Yesterday."

          "We lost."

          "Yeah."

There was a long pause.

          "I'm a student here now," you said, looking at him. "Though I came in pretty late."

          "Yeah," he replied as you kept walking.

          "How have you been these past few years?" 

          "Playing volleyball," he replied promptly.

          "I see," you replied.

The tension was killing him. His eyes focused in front of him and refusing to look towards you. He couldn't look at you.

Maybe it was just all the years catching up to him, or the sight of you after so long messing with his brain. He couldn't know. All the memories that flooded him, the feelings that overwhelmed him, it was too much for even him to handle. He couldn't take it.

Back when the dimly lit light flickered above the both of you on that narrow alleyway, the moon high above in the night sky. 

You were so beautiful.

Your eyes that looked at him, your voice that called out to him, your smile that was always directed towards him. Everything, everything about you was everything to him. 

He looked at you finally.

          "Why did you leave?" he asked you. The one question that had been eating at him all this time for the past three years.

All this time of yearning for you to come back, and now that you were finally here, eyes the same color, hair slightly shorter, smile just as bright as it always was. He wanted so many things, but nothing more at the same time. He didn't want anything else but for you to stay in his presence, beside him like how it was always supposed to be. He didn't want anything more.

All his ambitions and questions could be left unrewarded and unanswered. He just wanted back the moments only you could give him. Everything that passed, everything that was missed, he wanted it more than anything. He clenched his fist inside his uniform pocket tightly.

          "My mom got a new job," you said. "I'm sorry I never fully explained."

          "It's okay."

He started walking again, and so did you.

          "Would you like to attend my graduation ceremony?" he asked you.

          "I'd love to," you replied, looking forward.

He didn't cry when you walked away. Back then, when everything so simple suddenly became complicated. 

Back when the tears he saw leave your eyes were turned into anger in his refusal to believe that you had parted on such sad terms. He thought that maybe it would be easier to move on when his last memory of you looked at him in anger. That maybe, he could erase the tears from his mind and have you hate him instead. He realized that it was all just sad foolishness.

He remembered— accepted the fact that what happened was nobody's fault. That both your hearts had shattered, and it was no one's fault. 

You were both making your way closer to the end of the hallway, the crowds of people disappearing slightly, the space feeling less cramped. He could feel you looking at him, your eyes focused on his profile. This was a normal thing between the two of you, but three years had passed, and he had no idea how much he had missed these simple habits. 

He missed all the moments that seemed mundane to him back then, when you would walk beside him, look at him, play volleyball with him, no matter how bad you were. He missed all of it, he missed—.

          "I missed you," you said.

He looked at you and paused.

          "Thank you," he said back.

You smiled.

It was these mundane moments that made you so beautiful. Back then, even when the tears stained your face, you still looked beautiful. When your eyes, for what he thought was the last time, looked at him. When your voice spoke out to him, back then, when no matter how hard he tried, you still seemed to slowly become a movie of the past. No matter the moment, no matter the circumstance, you looked so beautiful.

But it was these mundane moments that made him fall in love with you even more.

He clutched the necklace in his pocket even tighter.

Both of you finally stopped at the end of the long corridor. Both of you on your way to do club work, but in the opposite direction. You both wanted to laugh, it all seemed like some kind of fate, but even then, you decided to smile it away.

He brought out his hand from his pocket, still holding the silver necklace. He hesitated, but looked at you anyway.

He reached his hand out to you, the chain hanging from his fingers. You took one look at it, then looked into his eyes. The eyes you could read so well, looked at you like he wanted to convey so much but nothing else at the same time. 

You hugged him. You hugged him tightly. His hands wrapped around you gently. Enclosing you into his personal bubble, for all the people left in the hallway to see.

          "Thank you," was all you decided to say.

          "I missed you," he said. And it was all he needed to say back.

You parted from him, your hand carefully taking the necklace from his, the light from the window beside the two of you shining on it, making it sparkle. 

He started walking the other way, and so did you. But he stopped and turned around, and so did you. 

He looked at your eyes, the smallest shine playing on his own. 

          "Don't let it break this time," he said.

And you smiled once again.

          "I won't," you said. 

scene ten; i loved you

The hall was loud and happy, filled with celebration and melancholy as the students of Ushijima's batch graduated, some parting ways and some making plans to stay. 

He looked at the audience that clapped for them and saw you. A small smile played on his lips as a bright one was proudly displayed on your own. 

He looked around him and at his teammates, proud that they had come this far together, smiles on their faces like everyone else.  

After thanking each of them one by one, he looked back at you, who smiled and flicked your head towards the exit. He nodded and started following you, leaving the graduation hall. 

          "Where exactly are we going?" he asked.

          "You'll see," you showed him your smile, and he couldn't refuse you.

You grabbed his hand as you started walking faster along the endless hallway, and soon enough, you were both standing in front of the indoor swimming pool. You both made your way inside and turned on the lights.

          "One day, I'm gonna become the captain," you said as you crossed your arms proudly. Ushijima nodded seriously.

          "I'm sure you can," he said, and you smiled at him.

You took his hand and dragged him towards the edge of the pool, eliciting a confused look on Ushijima's face.

          "Can I be a tad bit cheesy?" you asked, looking into his eyes. Your back was facing the pool as you stood on the edge, Ushijima standing in front of you.

          "What do you mean?" he asked, but your arms already made their way around his neck.

You smiled at him cheekily and leaned back into the pool, causing both of you to crash into it. Your bodies started sinking into the pool, Ushijima's eyes slightly wider from shock while you continued to look at him from underwater.

Your heads eventually shot out of the water, clothes wet and hair damp. You started laughing. 

          "I've always wanted to do that!" you laughed louder as you looked at Ushijima's dumbfounded face. He clearly was not expecting what just happened.

Seeing him so unusually expressive made you want to tease him even more, like the Toshi you knew from all those years back.

You swiftly ran your hand across the surface of the water, splashing him in the face as you giggled even more. Toshi looked at you in slight shock, yet a small smile played underneath his stoic features. He brought his hand up and splashed water right back at you, making you squeal and swim backward, laughing.

You didn't know how much time had passed with you splashing water at each other, how long you two had lapped around the pool trying to catch each other, laughing, and enjoying each other's presence. 

You looked at him, who had a rare smile on his face, and realized just how much you yearned for this moment. His eyes that stared back into you, and your heartbeat that started beating faster than before, you realized just how much the memories with him meant to you. You used to be content with looking back at the memories you had created all those years ago, but now it was different. Both of you were different. 

It wasn't enough anymore to reminisce about past memories. You wanted, needed to make more, with him.

Even with the thought that he would once again be swept away by the many opportunities that awaited him, but even then, you still felt happy. He was on his way to accomplishing so many great things that you couldn't help but look at him, his hair wet and uniform ruined, yet he still looked happy, with you in this moment.

You started swimming towards him, eyes never once leaving his. The water around you flowing against your body softly as it almost pushed you towards him. You giggled as you got closer.

You were now in front of him, hands on his shoulders and eyes staring in his. You smiled softly at him.

          "Take a deep breath," you said, and before he knew it, your hands covered his ears as you pushed both of your heads underwater.

The water engulfed the two of you as it's serene hum blinded your senses. You looked into his eyes that stared back at you, and his hands that made its way to cover your own ears. 

It was like you were back in the ocean with him when you were still children, but it was also so different. 

You were both grown now, with feelings that had developed over time, or maybe they were always there. 

You stared into his eyes as he did the same, lips inching closer and closer. You smiled brightly at him one last time before you kissed him gently. You pulled away and rested your forehead against his until Toshi brought his face closer and pecked your lips again. 

You had no idea how long the both of you had held your breaths underwater, but you had no plans to find out. With your lips moving softly against one another, and your bodies held in a tranquil state under the swimming pool water, you couldn't care less.

The two of you in each other's arms, hands covering ears, and hearts falling deeper in love. 

Just the two of you, in that moment, with no other forces pulling you apart.

[snowdice]

One More Chance (Part 12 of the Series “Is There Anything Left of Patton?”)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton, Virgil & Patton, Logan & Virgil, Roman & Patton

Characters: 

Appear: Patton, Logan, Virgil

Mentioned: Roman, Remy

Summary: Season change. Life changes. This time, Patton does too.

Notes: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Patton is a zombie

This is the twelfth part of a series of one-shots called Is There Anything Left of Patton?

Previous parts:

“Something Left”

“Someone You’ll Never Meet”

“Food You’ll Never Eat”

“Things You’ll Never Do”

“There Are Things That Are Lost”

“There Are Things That Are Missing”

“And There is a Question”

“Is There Anything Left of Patton?”

“And There is an Answer”

“But What Does It Mean”

“One More Dance”

My Master Post

The day Roman danced with Patton marked a big change in the house. Remy had basically already figured out what was going on with Patton (or at least as much as one could given Logan and Virgil didn’t quite understand it themselves), but it came as a surprise to Roman… somehow. Virgil had worried on the first day about Roman’s reaction considering his initial behavior when he’d met Patton, but much like Virgil had, Roman had managed to get attached. Zombie or not, Roman had decided Patton was his friend. The explanation of just what exactly was going on had come with some awkwardness, but not violence and life quickly moved on.

Once the secret was out and neither of them had an extreme negative reaction, their guests began to crest the barrier between guests and residents in the house. Logan began to devote time to thinking up a more permanent solution than just having the two crash on the floor of the study. For now, they had found usable mattresses and dragged them home to set up a temporary third bedroom in the study, but Logan had been making plans to renovate the house next door and build an attachment between the two so they would have more space. He’d already spent some of the summer constructing a sturdier fence around the neighboring house and planned on working on building more solar panels for its roof in the basement during the winter.

The division of labor became a lot easier too with the addition of two people. Scavenging was much easier, allowing Logan to get the supplies for the aforementioned solar panels as well as other supplies from more difficult to break into places. Remy and Roman were actually quite practiced at not dying in more risky situations since they’d started in a city.

Remy knew a bit about tech, having worked in a theater and jury-rigged a few things like microphones and lights in his day. Though he didn’t know as much about stuff as Logan, he knew enough basics that Logan was able to teach him things about maintaining and fixing the generators and other things around the house.

Roman, meanwhile, was good at hunting in both the traditional way and in the Roman-did-you-really-just-catch-a-chicken-with-your-bare-hands sort of way. They now had 3 chickens which they’d set up a coop for in the other house’s backyard.

Both Roman and Remy could sew pretty well which took some of the load off of Virgil and they could help in the garden some (Logan was still not allowed anywhere near it).

Virgil still often found himself panicking about the fast approaching winter, but they had even more supplies than the year before even counting the two extra mouths. So, overall, everything had changed for the better.

And then, there was Patton.

Patton had good days and bad days, but even the bad days were in stark contrast to what he’d been like a year ago. It’s like something had been triggered in him, and once he’d figured out how to follow the path to consciousness, it became easier to do so by the day.

On good days, Virgil imagined an outsider wouldn’t ever guess what he was. He wasn’t 100% normal, but most people would have no trouble saying he was a person. He still never spoke (except reportedly to Logan sometimes when they were alone), but he did react to what they said and seemed to understand. He smiled at Roman when he played him a song and tilted his head when Virgil spoke softly to him. There were entire passive aggressive arguments about the décor between him and Remy as both moved everything from furniture to decorations around sometimes behind each other’s back… and sometimes while making unflinching eye contact. Virgil thought they were having fun. Maybe?

There was a day in late August after the temperature had finally broken and it wasn’t boiling hot anymore where Virgil came down to find every blanket and pillow in the house had been brought to the living room and piled on and around the couch. Virgil at first had thought it was another malfunction and Patton was confused, but it was clear by how Logan reacted that it was in fact just a Patton thing. Roman had taken the blankets and constructed a fort for him which they’d both proceeded to spend the rest of the day in talking (well, Roman did the talking) about musicals and Disney movies.

Then, there were a few times where Virgil had caught him staring at a full cup of water sitting in the armchair. He’d sheepishly pretend like he’d gotten the water to drink it and Virgil let him.

Virgil’s hoodie just as often ended up folded outside his bedroom door in the mornings as it ended up in the washing machine and sometimes Patton would even come find him and hand it to him.

They hid the macaroni and cheese and woke to the entire loaf of bread that had been on the counter gone and cold grilled cheeses in the refrigerator. They put the macaroni back.

And on his best days when he came downstairs and poured himself a glass of juice from the refrigerator, he’d shoot a smile at Virgil and go off to find Logan. Virgil would often find them later smashed into the armchair together with Patton’s head on his shoulder while Logan read a book to him out loud.

The good days were become slightly more frequent as the months pushed on, but today was a bad day.

He’d been very confused and mostly unresponsive all day, but there was still something there in his eyes even today. Virgil glanced over as he removed the last jar of canned strawberries in this batch from the pressure cooker on the stove and set it on a dishtowel to cool. He’d been taking inventory earlier and some of the older cans that needed to be used soon were on the kitchen table including a jar of pickles.

Patton was staring at that jar intently as though it held the secrets of the universe. “Do you want a pickle, Patton?” Virgil asked. There wasn’t much of a response except for maybe a flicker of his eyelashes. However, the fact that he seemed to connect the sealed container with one of his favorite snacks did say something good about his object permanence.

Virgil passed the card table he’d set up for the earlier batches of cans to the kitchen table and grabbed the jar. He quickly took out one of the pickles and closed the can back up tight so the man wouldn’t try to eat all the contents in one go. He placed the pickle down in front of Patton. He immediately grabbed it and Virgil quickly turned away, so he wouldn’t have to watch that. When he looked back, the pickle was gone, and Patton had placed his chin on the table to once again stare at the jar intently.

“You just keep doing that buddy,” Virgil said before turning back to his canning station on the counter. He’d been working all day and this next batch would be his last. He started spooning the pre-prepared strawberries into the jars as he heated the water back up in the pressure cooker. He heard Patton shifting around but didn’t pay him much mind, too engrossed in his task. Annoyingly, it ended up that he was about half a can short on his mixture. He must have filled one of the earlier batches too full and now everything was uneven. It wasn’t a big deal, but still irritating. He’d just placed the last lid on when a hand suddenly appeared next to him and he jumped.

Honestly, one would think he’d be used to Patton randomly reaching for him by now. Except, unlike what usually happened, the hand went for one of the jars from the last batch instead of for Virgil himself. There was a quiet pop before the jar was set down again with its lid off. Virgil blinked at him. He blinked back and then wandered away. Virgil’s eyes followed him which is when he saw the card table. Every single jar was open.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me Patton.” Patton gave him a curious head tilt, looked at the dozens of opened cans, and then looked back at him.

Virgil put his head down on the counter and let out a long, loud groan. He was actually impressed by own his lung capacity.

There were footsteps from the living room after about 15 seconds of sustained groaning. “What happened?” Logan asked.

“I just wasted an entire day on canning is what just happened,” Virgil sighed, gesturing to the many, many open cans.

Logan’s presence in the room seemed to pull Patton in and he walked up to him, kind of bumping into his front. Logan’s arms came up to hug him softly, and he rubbed his back a bit. Virgil watched as, after a moment, Patton tilted his head a bit to angle his mouth towards Logan’s ear. Virgil raised an eyebrow at that. Logan hummed after a few seconds and pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head. “It’s okay, love. I’ll help Virgil clean it up for you. You don’t have to worry.”

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, no, it’s fine Pat,” he was quick to reassure. “I get it. You’re good. It’s just a few cans.”

“How about I take you upstairs and you can lay down for a bit?” Logan offered. Patton nodded. “Alright, I’ll be down in a few minutes,” Logan said to Virgil before starting to guide Patton upstairs.

“You will not,” Virgil muttered, knowing it would be at least an hour, maybe two before he could pull himself away. Yet, he was more amused than annoyed at that fact. Virgil turned to look at the state the kitchen was in as they disappeared up the stairs. “Well, I guess I get one more chance to make sure the strawberry levels are even in all of the cans.”

Want to read more? The next part of this series is  When There Is Something Left.

[drethanramslay]

Chapter 3

Pairing: Cassian x MC (for this chapter)

Warning: Violence, slight description of blood and swearing

Word count: 3.3 K

Chapter 1 2

Taglist: @choices-love-affair @miyakokurono @openheart12 @trappedinfandoms @noboundariesplease @nooruleman @madampugzalot @sekizincimektup @dailydoseofchoices @choicesfanaf @kaavyaethanramsey @junggoku @flyawayboo @whatchique @vampiregirlsblog @squishywizardhq @lilyvalentine @agent-breakdance (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist ☺️)

Song: Lover of mine by 5 seconds of summer

Forgive me if there are any mistakes 😬

Being a US Marshal, doesn't purely mean fireballs and explosion. It doesn't mean strong, burly men entering empty warehouses guns blazing.

It means practice, precision and patience.

It means to learn from your mistakes but not dwell in them. We must learn from failure and try better next time. But to indulge in the sorrow or regret brings about unsustainable misery, which doesn't help the cause.

It means providing protection to the people in need when the environment is threatening to their life.

It means being selfless and not hesitating to lay your life for the country. It doesn't mean being suicidal, but it's actually gives meaning and purpose to life.

It means being patient with fugitives and keeping a cool, calm and collected mind at times of crisis.

Assess the situation and defuse it. That's what my supervisor used to say. And it's stuck with me all through my life.

My eyes scanned the room, gauged the situation we were in. Adira was wimpering which gave the intruder a sadistic pleasure. He was running the gun along her jaw.

"Not so feisty are we now?" He said smiling sinisterly.

We could use the false sense of security to our advantage.

The room was a mess. Upturned tables and broken lamps. I was standing at the entrance of the room and they were right across me, around 20 metres away. I know that if I were to do anything, he would straight up blow her brains out. But one thing caught my eye.

They were standing in front of an open widow. That window was pretty big and it opened up on to the rose bushes. A fall from this height might just result in broken bones but, the element of surprise can help us escape.

"Adira." I said calmly, trying to calm her down with my eyes. Her eyes met and I tried to show her that we are going to be okay. That I always have a back up plan.

"Cassian..." She whimpered again.

"Hands like Houdini." I said my eyes not leaving her cerulean ones.

"Huh?" Her eyes focusing, like the lens of a camera.

"Hands like Houdini." I said, without giving much away.

"Stop with this lovey dovey eyes. Shut the FUCK U-"

And at that moment, she threw her hands down and pushed him back with her hips. He stumbled and lost balance resulting him to fall down the window. We heard a yell but it was caught off short. I ran to her and gathered her in my arms.

"It's okay. You are safe. You are alive." I said as I ran my hand through her head. As she seeked comfort in my arms I glanced at the man who fell of the window. A pool of blood was slowly increasing around his head.

He had hit his head to the brick fence. He was dead.

"We need to go. We are compromised." I said as I grabbed her hand and picked up the gun which the intruder had dropped. I checked the number of bullets and Adira picked up the crowbar.

I stared at her and she just shrugged.

Okay then.

We immediately left the house not caring about our clothes or anything. Tomas will hook us up. It was still dusk as we ran down the beach, never once slowing down. I had kept a jet ski under the tarps nearby which could help us in a quick getaway to the sea.

My iPhone had somehow survived the entire ordeal as I reached for it in my pocket. I sped dialed Tomas's number.

"Tell me Keane." Tomas's cool voice spoke through the phone.

"Tomas we have been compromised. I just now fought of three intruders who were wearing a pin with the logo of the Great Irish mob. Tomas... They sent in assassins."

"How is the witness?"

"She is shooken up but okay. We are getting on to the-" a bullet ricocheted through the air and it grazed my shoulder.

"FUCK." I hissed as the pain stung me.

Adira screamed and I immediately spoke into the phone. "Alert the backup. They have cleaning up to do. But DO NOT make a huge show."

Hanging up I turned and I assessed the people shooting us.

"Adira, get the jet ski started. Do you remember how I taught you?" As I loaded the gun and switched off the safety.

Resolution and determination sparked in her eyes. "Yes. Just knock those assholes down while I ride."

She got the jet ski into the sea and put the key into the ignition and roared it to life. I sat facing the shooters lining up the gun and breathing out as my eyes focused on them, letting my instincts flow through me.

Three people.

Three bullets.

Three headshots.

Three dead.

I sighed with relief as the threat had been neutralized. From my point of view this was an absolute win but Tomas would look at it as a failure. But that's okay. Adira was smirking as I leaned against her back, a small smile playing at my lips.

I live to see another day. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Well... We have a goddamn mess on our hand." Nwosu's voice boomed through the laptop. Adira was sleeping in the bedroom while Tomas and me were in the lounge on the house boat. It was around eleven in the night and the stars shone bright above the ocean.

I was sitting shirtless, drinking a cool beer so that I could have enough fuel to deal with Nwosu's cranky ass. My collarbone tattoo was on full display and my shoulder was bandaged.

Luckily it was just a scratch but it still stung.

Tomas was standing, with a hand dragging down his face. Sleep deprivation was written all over his face as he took another sip of his third coffee that evening.

"You can say that again." Tomas said as he grumbled into the mug.

"How did it happen though?"

"Adira mentioned her finance background at the shack today, accidentally. I think they have been tailing us for a long damn time. They just were waiting for our cover to blow." I said as I looked into the video camera.

"Fuck. You had one job. So you know what this means?" Nwosu said as he rubbed his hand on his balding head. Anger seeped into my veins and I narrowed my eyes.

"It mean they are onto us. Nwosu, we need to relocate them as soon as possible. Which safe houses are ready to go?" Tomas asked, smoothly cutting the tension. I let out a sigh completely exhausted.

Luckily I don't have a concussion from hitting my head to the counter but there was a dull throb in my temple. I pressed the icepack ti the sore spot again, getting temporary relief.

"If they caught them in a matter of week in Nantucket, then what is the possibility of them finding them anywhere else in the States?" Tomas continued as he scratched his chin.

"Well we-" I began but Nwosu interrupted me like the colossal jackass he is.

"Shit you are right..." I rolled my eyes as he leaned back into his chair.

What a dramatic asshole.

"We are looking at international relocation Nwosu." I said as I crushed and threw the empty beer can into the trash can. "Move the witness into a better location which has good connection with the American embassy and is willing to co-operate to catch these buggers when we need back up." I said as I stretched my hands behind my head.

Tomas and Nwosu were in a long and tense silence. "Which countries will work with us?" Tomas asked.

"We have good relationship with Ireland, Canada and Australia." Nwosu said as he looked up.

"You can remove Canada from the list. Did you see how Trump threw a bitch fit after he found Trudeau and Boris talking behind his back in that conference?" I scoffed. I maybe in law enforcement but I hated the president.

I mean how would he, an owner of a multi-million company know the struggles of the poor. And he is greedy and racist as hell. I have seen how much Nwosu and Tomas had to struggle because of their colour. I'm telling you, one of these days, America is gonna fall into ruin because of this retard.

"Yeah.. you are right. We can even remove Australia because transport is time taking and the mob issues there aren't as grave as it is over here."

"So that leaves Ireland. We did contact them regarding the Great Irish Mob a couple of months back and apparently the HQ is over there in... Kenmare." Tomas said as he opened the other laptop to search for the exchange of messages between them.

My heart started beating fast.

No.. Not Kenmare please.. I started praying. I worked all my life to get out of that hell hole and if I have to go there for an assignment it will be total clownery.

"Kenmare? Haven't heard of that.." Nwosu said.

"It's a small town south to the county if Kerry. It has its peek tourist season and there is considerable nightlife there but, it's pretty quiet out there. It's an ideal place to have HQ. People are busy in their own lives and nobody will question anything." I said as I gave a dry chuckle.

And that's true. They might appear to be friendly and nice but, nobody gives a damn and they turn the other way when a fourteen year old would ask for help.

"Seems like we just got you a new holiday location, Keane. Kenmare it is."  Nwosu said as he shut the case file. "I'll be sending you the details ASAP. Good night boys." With that he disconnected the call. I sighed, tension seeping into the muscles of my shoulder, making me stiff.

"How does it feel like to go back home, Keane?" Tomas asked with a grin.

"Can't wait." I said dryly, worry and panic slowly stirring in my stomach.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tomas, Adira and me stepped out of Kerry airport. The sun was shining but the wind blowing was cold. Adira was shivering in the shorts and top she had worn. I had specifically told her that the summer over here is chilly and short but, will she ever listen?

"Hello Mr. Tomas. Welcome to Ireland. I'm Matthew." A Irish ambassador who was wearing the disguise of a taxi driver spoke as he shook my hand.

"Dia dhuit." I greeted him, my Irish accent becoming more pronounced.

"Irish?" Matthew asked as he gave me a curious eye. I just stiffly nodded, and stuffed my hands in the pocket and eyes him, challenging him to ask me anything more about my personal life.

He got the hint to shut up and turned towards Tomas. Adira just gave me a quizzical look because of my moodiness but I just ignored her. "I shall take you to the house. This way please."

We all piled into one of the yellow cabs with Tomas riding shotgun while Adira and me sat in the back. We were cozied up due to the luggages but I couldn't't help but notice the distance between us.

"So, debrief me." Tomas said, straight getting down to business.

"Well... Killian and wife aren't here but the mob is in control of a certain person who goes by the alias 'Killer'."

How original. I scoffed mentally at the cliche name.

"This 'killer' person is the right hand of Killian and this mob believes in family and hierarchy. Initially they were all over here but, Killian took maximum amount of the mob members to the States. 'The killer' is just a temporary head."

"Do you have any mugshots of him? Tomas asked as he scanned the manilla file.

"The guy is literally like a ghost. He is damn good at what he does and he covers up his tracks so well that there is any clues. He just kills and vanishes. He has no weaknesses whatsoever."

Tomas looked at me and we had a moment of understanding. This 'killer' dude is too good and would be too hard to take down.

"Let's talk about safety of the witness." I said as I leaned my elbows on my knees.

"She will be perfectly fine because the mob hasn't been very active as of now. I have selected a safe house and working place where the activities are minimal and our agents are present." Matthew spoke as he pulled on to the N22 road.

"Good. And how about backup in case things go to shit?" I asked as I side eyed Adira. She just huffed and crossed her hands, glaring out of the window. She knows, if she would have been a little more careful, things wouldn't have gone the way they did in Nantucket.

But there's no point bringing that up, is there?

"They will be ready the moment you give us the signal. Agents will be in disguise." He said dutifully.

"Good." Tomas said before they dipped into the boring conversation about paperwork and the different tourist attractions in Kenmare.

I just turned towards the window and looked out at the scenic beauty of the place. Adira was in awe and she was clicking photos but I just couldn't help but detest the place.

All beautiful things have something to hide.

I had wanted to get out of this place so badly but seeing the familiar bridge across the river and the Sheen valley, made it unbearable to watch. I just shut my eyes and tried to push it all out.

If only I could do the same with my past.

If only it could stay where it's supposed to be.

If only I didn't have to go back to the place which took my parents away from me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were going through the town and I noticed how much it had changed. The buildings had been repaired and repainted in vibrant colours and many more shops had opened up. I could see No. 35, a famous cafe open still and I couldn't help but smile.

My mom and dad used to take me there for pancakes on Sunday mornings. I would hold their hands and we would walk around and then stop by the waterfalls, where we would play tag and bask in the sun.

It was beautiful. My family was beautiful. And seeing the different places I had spent time with them gave me joy as well as it tormented me. It was a flux of emotions which I couldn't comprehend.

I mean, men are not emotionally evolved.

"Cassian... Are you okay?" Adira asked lowly as she saw me clench my jaw and she proceeded put a hand on my clenched fist.

"Yeah I'm fine."

Fine. That's all I am ever going to be. I can't break down. I can't show weakness.

"If you say so..." She said as she shrugged and gave me a last look before looking out of the window.

The car turned and started going down a familiar route. My eyes widened.

"Wait a minute... Where is the safe house?"

"Henry Street."

FUCK.

"Why does that mean anything to you?" Matthew asked as he looked into the rearview mirror, his blue eyes meeting mine.

"Uh, yeah.. I used to live there with my family before I shifted to the States."

"Cassian will we be meeting your parents?" Adira asked excitedly and I couldn't help but wince. Tomas gave me a sympathetic look and I sighed.

"No. They... are dead."

"Oh I'm so sorry." Pain flickered in her eyes and I gave a small smile.

"Me too."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I could see it from my room.

I could see it mocking me.

I could see it taunting me.

I could see it calling out to me.

The familiar red brick house which was once my home, stood there, looming at the corner of the street. The trees had grown and the weeds were all around the place. But the house was surprisingly well kept. When I left the place because the authorities had thrown me into an orphanage, I had locked up everything. The doors, the windows  and the gate. I keep that key with me.

Think of it as a symbolism. This key opens the room in my heart, where all the happy and good memories are. Whenever things would get hard, I would hold the key and reminisce. I don't expect anyone to understand me or anyone to get what I'm saying and honestly, I don't care.

I stood there looking at my old house, clenching the key in my hand. As if it was supposed to give me strength.

I know I need to go there and clear out my family's belonging.

But it's terrifying.

"Cassian! Let's go and check out where I will be working. I also heard that there's a farmer's market." Adira spoke as she knocked on the door.

I let go of the curtain and turned around to grin at her. Her hair was chestnut colour now and she was wearing specs. She had also worn green coloured lenses so that we could sell the disguise a little bit more.

A distraction is what I need.

"Sure. Also we need to discuss your disguise, Anastasia Roy."

"Yes Cassian, I know. Let's go now!"

Throwing one last look at the ghost of my past, I picked up my leather jacket and walked out.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was around 6pm and all the stores were slowly shutting down. Adira and me were walking down the streets with an ice cream and groceries in the other hand.

"God I always loved European ice creams." Adira moaned and I shook my head.

"Well you can't say that if you are a barista." I pointed out.

She momentarily got angry but then she just sighed. "Yeah.. I am sorry for ignoring your advice in Nantucket. I will follow the rules to the T. Also I can smoothly transition into a barista because I worked in a cafe when I was in college."

"I can't believe you worked in a cafe."

"I was bored so I just joined a cafe so that I could learn latte art and all. I got fired though when I threw cold coffee on Tiffany. God that BITCH." She waved her hand.

Such a drama queen.

"I hope you don't do that in yoir new job. Also, you will be working there, at George's cafe in the morning shift. I would prolly be in the opposite park during your shift so that I can keep an eye on you."

"I don't need babys-" Adira stopped herself before she shook her head, as if she was clearing her head. "Okay Cassian. I appreciate it."

What has come over her?

I wanted to ask her and know what was going on in her mind but we were interrupted.

A young boy came running up to us and greeted us. He handed a beautiful blue lily flower in our direction. I just chuckled and looked the other way, assuming that it was for Adira.

"Awww aren't you a sweetie. Thank y-" Adira was saying but the boy interrupted her.

"This flower is not for you. Its for him." My eyes shit towards him as he handed me the flower.

"Who gave it?" I asked my eyes narrowing, instantly not trusting this.

The boy pointed across the road. "Him."

My eyes followed the direction he was pointing in and my eyes met one of the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen.

Green ones met hazel eyes and I was in a trance.

He was standing across the street wearing a full sleeve shirt, with a jacket thrown on top and black jeans. He had twinkling hazel eyes, which gleamed in the rays of the dying sun. A smile was playing on his lips and he had pronounced dimples. He had a sharp jawline and tousled long brown hai, which could not decide which direction they wanted to stay in.

Let me tell you, I'm straight but I have never seen such a handsome and beautiful man in my life before.

He had a tall and lean frame with both his hands in his pockets. When our eyes met he lifted a hand and gave me a small wave. I couldn't help but grin and wave him back, the joy in his eyes was contagious. With that he turned and strolled down the street, disappearing into the crowd of people.

"Cassian... Who is he?" Adira asked, breaking my reverie as she eyes him.

I looked down at the lily he gave me and shrugged.

"I don't know..."

But I am intrigued...

honestly I was so demotivated that I almost didn't post this chapter

the tags are not working as you have seen me whine about it lmao but meh

I hope you guys liked this chapter!! 

like comment reblog and let me know what do you think?

and like please, don't let this flop otherwise I swear I will feel like the biggest clown hahahha

god I should sleep

[sunny1ace]

Fix You - Part 3.3 of the FamAU

Characters: Logan Sanders, Patton Hart, Janus Viper

Summary: Patton feels like his chances are slipping away from him

Words: 2900

Warnings: Repression, anxiety, sad feelings, let me know if I should add any more :)

A/N: UgH I don’t like this but it’s been sitting in my drafts for months so I just gotta buckle up and post it

Taglist (let me know if I should add you or take you off): @espepspes @kaileah-kat @i-need-you-buddy

***

Patton doesn’t mind mornings, the light shining through the window, the birds singing, the sound of campus waking up and the occasional bark of a dog.

This morning though, he’d rather just go to sleep.

He was up until one in the morning, just staring at his ceiling, doing nothing. He might’ve gotten up to draw or work on some homework, but he didn’t want to wake up his roommate.

The roommate who apparently doesn’t have the same politeness towards him because he throws a shirt at Patton’s face rather abruptly before either of their alarms even go off.

Patton grabs it and sits up, raising his eyebrows at Dee. “Something wrong?”

Dee looks bored. He generally does, really. Patton has learned to see through it.

“Patton, dear, if you don’t get up and go, you’ll miss your morning rendezvous with specs.”

Patton blinks at him a few times, then flops back down on his bed.

Across the room, Dee sighs. “What is it then?”

“There’s only a week left!” Patton covers his face, sticking his legs in the air and probably looking ridiculous.

“Then tell him.”

Rolling sideways and off the bed, Patton stands, making a pouty face. Dee is staring at him like he looked at the cat Patton brought in from the rain last year. “I can’t just tell him! What if… what if he hates me?”

“Of course, love. After four years of following you around like some love sick cyber puppy, I’m sure he hates you.”

“Really?”

“No!”

Patton loves Dee, he very much does, after bunking with him for four years, how could he not?

That being said, he might be on the brink of shooting Dee one of his famous condescending glares right back.

“Well you could be a little clearer, kiddo.”

Dee sighs for the third time. “Come on, Patton-pouter, I’ll walk you outside.”

Excited, because Patton rarely has time to spend with his friend anymore except at night, Patton pulls on his shirt and shoes in record time. “Are you meeting Maeve?”

“Later,” Dee says, and he goes just a little red at that. “She wants to go over her Welfare project. Again.”

“I’m sure she’s just being thorough!” Patton says brightly, pocketing his phone and throwing open the door.

Dee shuffles through with a grumbled, “Thoroughly obnoxious.”

Patton watches as he flips his hair back from his face, and doesn’t try to hide the proud smile when he doesn’t duck his head to cover the large scar on the left side of his face, even after Dee sticks his tongue out at him.

“Oh, don’t be like that! I’m just glad you’ve decided to stop hiding!”

“It’s been almost a year, Patton. Are you ever going to stop mentioning it every morning?”

“Nope!”

Patton smiles brighter when Dee turns away, barely concealing a small smile.

His smile falters slightly as he looks down at his shoulders. He opens the door again and leans into the room just far enough to pull his cardigan off the coat hook inside. Patton rubs the fabric between his hands and stares at it.

“I am aware of your- er- fascination with cats. So I’ve gotten you a gift… if you’d like it, of course.”

“Lo! This is absolutely purr-fect!”

“Oh god.”

Patton snaps out of the memory when Dee waves a hand in front of his face, and knocks his chin up with a finger. “Come on, you’ll be late.”

Nodding, Patton throws the cat-cardigan over his shoulders and ties it securely.

“Don’t you ever wear it?”

“How would I take it off fast enough to give it to someone who needs comfort?”

Dee goes just a little bit red, and he scoffs and shakes his head. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re pretty!” Patton giggles when that makes Dee turn even redder.

The two walk side by side, and Patton shuffles his feet just a little more than usual. Sure, he’s always happy to see Logan! It’s just…

Just what? Patton bites his lip and shakes his head, taking deep breaths until he can smile without it shaking.

He’s excited to see Logan. That’s it. No deeper meaning, no hidden sadness. He’s happy.

Patton is happy.

Dee opens the door out of their dorm building, leaning against it with one hand in his pocket and looking very much like the lawyer he’s studying to be. “See you this afternoon, darling.”

“Have fun with Maeve!” Patton calls, waving his entire hand so it flaps around on his wrist. Dee snorts and gives him a two finger salute before going back inside.

Looking around, Patton takes a deep breath, letting the smells of campus flow through him.

Leaves and fresh cut grass, coffee and waffles, it smells like fall.

“How can something… smell like a season?”

“You know! How winter smells cold, How summer smells like the beach-“

“We’re nowhere near a beach, Patton.”

“It’s the idea of the thing!”

“I thought it was a smell?”

Patton laughs out loud at the memory, reaching up to pull at a few of his curls, measuring them to his nose absentmindedly as he walks.

He passes a tree, and stops at a chirping sound. He turns and tilts his head at the bird a foot from his face, and he could’ve sworn the bird tilted its head back. “Hi there little guy! I hope I didn’t interrupt your morning song!”

The bird chirps three times, fluttering its wings and hopping to a higher branch.

“You’re beautiful,” Patton tells it with a wave, and continues on his way. He thinks it’s a woodpecker. Logan would know.

It’s about three minutes later when he sees Logan ahead of him, right on time, as usual. Patton waves at him even though his back is turned, “Hey!”

Logan doesn’t stop, but his steps slow down and Patton races to catch up. “Hey Logan!” He says again, maybe a little louder than necessary.

He debates giving Logan a hug, but decides on a light hip tap so as not to invade his space without warning. “How are you?”

Logan nods, and when he adjusts his glasses Patton has the sudden urge to do the same, so he does, and his ears turn pink even when Logan doesn’t notice.

“I am well,” his friend says, and Patton gives him a once over.

His face is slacker than usual, he’s slouching more than usual (though it’s still barely at all) and his tie is crooked. It takes all Patton has to not reach out and adjust it. “You sure? You’re looking a bit tired.”

“That would be because I am,” Logan replies, and his heart sinks. Then Logan smiles at him, and Patton can’t help but smile back. “Not to worry, one bad night of sleep won't stop me from functioning properly.”

Patton guesses it’s been more than one night. He doesn’t comment on it, mostly because that would be a weird follow up to the giggle that escapes him because Logan is so gosh darn cute.

They’re quiet for a few minutes, and Patton focuses on the sidewalk, stepping over cracks and occasionally veering off to look at pretty yellow dandelions. On one of the flowers is a ladybug, and he crouches down next to it to watch it crawl between the itty bitty petals.

“How are you, Patton?”

Patton stands, messing with his cardigan sleeves so Logan can’t tell his hands are shaking. He grins as wide as he can, “I’m awesome! On the way here I saw a woodpecker!”

Patton doesn’t miss the way Logan slows to walk with him, and for some reason it makes his throat hurt.

“Considering where we are,” Logan starts in his teaching voice, and Patton’s throat gets tighter. “It’s more likely you saw a Northern Flicker. They do look quite alike.”

Getting an idea and jumping on it, Patton makes a face at Logan, “Do you want to see my impression of a Northern Flicker?”

Logan looks hesitant, eyeing him warily, and then nods.

Patton grins wider and points his hand north, and starts flicking.

“I don’t see how that resembles a bir- oh.” Logan’s face turns exasperated. “Oh because you’re flicking to the north- that’s- that’s completely awful.”

“You love me,” Patton coos dramatically.

He regrets it the second he says it.

“Do you have lunch plans today?” Logan asks, maybe a little too quickly.

Patton tells himself very sternly in his head not to cry. He reties his cardigan to have something to do and shakes his head, “Nope! None.”

Quiet. Patton blinks rapidly.

Logan clears his throat and for a horrifying second Patton thinks he’s going to ask why in the world would Patton thinks he loves him because they’re only friends and besides they’ll be strangers in a week and-

“Would you like to attend lunch together?”

Patton almost passes out in relief. He clasps his hands behind him, another way to hide the shaking. “Yeah! We’ve been friends long enough that you don’t have to ask anymore, Lo.”

Logan trips a little, but keeps his eyes ahead. Patton wonders just how tired he really is.

The coffee shop door swings open when Logan pushes at it, and Patton bounces through.

Almost everyone in the coffee shop waves at him or says hi, and it makes Patton’s insides warm. He passes Eliot on their way out the door, and the student waves at him, “Hey Patt!”

“Eliot! Hey!” Patton waves back, and his eyes go wide as he remembers the talk they had in Animal Sciences two days ago. “How’d the English final go?”

“Aced it!”

The warm feeling in Patton’s chest gets bigger. “Aw, kiddo! I knew you could!”

Eliot snorts and changes the topic, Patton doesn’t argue. Compliments are hard sometimes. “Getting coffee for Professor Aldridge again?”

“You bet!”

“Man, if I didn’t know you any better, I’d say you’re a suck up!”

Patton laughs as they leave with a friend, turning back to the counter to decide what to get. Logan leans over his shoulder, and goosebumps raise on the back of Patton’s neck. Logan being close to him is.. really nice.

“If they did know you any better, they’d know you are, in fact, a suckup.”

Patton gasps, and his face is red from Logan’s breath on his shoulder but he pretends it’s because of the accusation. He pushes Logan just a little, and almost pouts when he stays far away. “Am not! I just like doing nice things for people… and if it happens to make some professors more inclined to give me extensions more often… that’s pretty neat!”

“I’m fairly certain that’s the definition of a suck up.”

“Coffee, Lo?” Patton asks, smiling despite his red hot ears and cheeks.

Logan chuckles, and Patton wants to kiss him. “Buying me something to get out of a conversation? That’s a bribe. Which is a crime in some states.”

“I guess that makes me a criminal,” Patton starts, raising an eyebrow at Logan who is looking increasingly distressed, “criminally-“

“Black coffee if you don’t mind,” Logan interrupts.

Patton giggles and pulls out his wallet, paying for both their drinks and the Professors.

“I could pay for them this time, Patton.”

“You could!” Patton agrees, but makes no move to let him. “Don’t worry about it. I dragged you here anyway!”

“On the contrary. You didn’t drag me anywhere.”

Smile softening, Patton doesn’t know if he wants to cry because he’s happy, or because he’s lovesick. “No, I guess I didn’t.”

Outside the coffee shop once again, Patton walks slowly with both his cups, not wanting Logan and his morning walk to end. He blows on his hot coco and side eyes Logan. “Are you… nervous about leaving school?”

Are you nervous about leaving me? Is what he wants to ask.

Patton watches as Logan takes a sip of his coffee, wincing at how hot it is. He doesn’t say anything.

“I’m nervous,” Patton blurts, not being able to stand the quiet any longer. “After this it’s just us against the world, you know? The future we’ve been preparing for since preschool is finally here and… I’m not ready at all.”

Logan looks at Patton with wide eyes and a frown, and Patton fidgets where he walks. “You aren’t ready? Are you alright?”

Patton shuffles his feet for a few steps, widening his smile to hide his anxiety, “Of course I’m alright! Just a little apprehensive is all.”

“Patton..” Logan slows and lightly bumps his hip into Patton, “you can talk to me.”

“I know I can!” Patton wiggles his eyebrows, desperately trying to get back the happy mood, “What? Have I been speaking gibberish?”

“Ah. Humor to cope. Why am I not surprised.”

“Well aren’t you feisty today!”

“It must be due to the-“

“Like a cat.”

“-lack of sleep last night.”

“Because cats are feisty.”

Logan adjusts his glasses with a sigh. “Yes. I understood, I merely refrained from commenting on the unnecessary joke.”

“Jokes are never unnecessary!” Patton protests, and he so hopes Logan will launch into a sciencey explanation about jokes that will take up the rest of their time.

No such luck.

“If you don’t wish to tell me what’s troubling you, you don’t have to,” Logan says quietly.

Patton stalls, he doesn’t want Logan to think he doesn’t like him! It’s the opposite of that, that's the problem. “It’s not that! I trust you Lo!” He bites his lip and then shrugs. “I’m just in a funk! I’ll be back to normal me any minute!”

“Patton-“

Turning towards his own class, Patton waves, walking quickly backwards, “I’ll see you at lunch!”

Logan sighs and gives a small wave, “Have a satisfactory day Patton, I’ll see you at lunch.”

“Don’t forget how incredible you are!” Patton calls out the routine end to all their conversations since that night under the tree when Logan cried for the first time.

“I’m nothing incredible, Patton. I’m just broken.”

“Well I think you’re incredible, doesn’t that count for something?”

Patton shakes off the chills he gets and speed walks to his classroom.

He doesn’t look back.

“Mr. Hart!” Professor Aldridge says calmly, watching as Patton walks through the door. She tilts her head, “I didn’t take you for a two cup kinda guy?”

“Oh!” Patton hands her the untouched cup. “That’s for you.”

Professor Aldridge shakes her head fondly. “Thank you, Mr. Hart. That’s very kind.” She stares at him in the way she always does, like her eyes are burning holes in his forehead and reading all his secrets. “Are you alright?”

Patton nods a little insistently, “I’m great! Just tired.”

Aldridge gives him an unimpressed stare and then sighs. “I’m always here if you need it, Patton.”

“I know.” Patton tries for a smile, but it comes out as more of a half shrug and a tight line of a mouth.

Patting his hand, Aldridge nods. “I know the end of school can be hard, and very overwhelming. I’ve been where you are. Hell, I am where you are. Every time a new class graduates I lose just a little bit of me. Especially when one of those students is like you.”

Patton starts to cry.

Aldridge doesn’t stop him, she just sits there with her hand over his and nods. “I met my wife in college, did you know that?”

The shock almost makes Patton stop crying. Professor Aldridge is gay? “You- you did?”

“I did.” Aldridge pulls back to lift a picture frame of her desk and pass it to him. It’s an old picture, Professor Aldridge must have been his age. There’s a girl standing next to her in a leather jacket and a mini skirt, looking like she could kill you in a second and coo over kittens the next.

Patton looks back up at Aldridge, who’s gray hair and crows feet next to her eyes are the only reason she looks her sixty years of age.

“Marrying someone of the same sex was illegal back then, so we didn’t have much hope. We let each other go,” Professor Aldridge looks sad for a few seconds, then she smiles. “We finally found each other again, and both of us cried when our marriage was legalized. We’ve been together since.”

Patton stares at her, and his heart beats in his ears. “Do you.. think it was fate?”

“Oh no,” Aldridge says with a laugh, she takes the picture again, setting it down carefully. “I’m a science professor, I don’t believe in fate… but I do believe that if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them.”

Trying not to cry again, Patton laughs wetly. “You should write a book.”

“There aren’t any books that can tell you what love is,” Aldridge replies, and Patton has the distinct notion that she isn’t talking about him.

“Thank you, Professor.”

“As always, I’m here,” she winks at him, knocking her cup against his before he heads to his seat.

He’s on the front row, like most of his classes, because glasses are great but he’s still blind, and because it’s louder in the front, the chatter of students and laughs and groans drown out whatever Patton doesn’t want to think about.

This time though, it’s not loud enough.

“if you really love someone, you’ll always find your way back to them”

He has time.

[buckybabybaby]

Mr Hollywood (Chapter 5)

Summary: Bucky Barnes, an underpaid teaching assistant in a small English village, dreams of a movie career back in his home country of America. He finally gets the break he's always wanted, and if it wasn't for you, his best friend, he wouldn't have been able to take it.

But is that fact enough to save your friendship when it's tested by the pressures of Hollywood?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader (Gender Neutral)

Word count: 1865

Chapter summary: Bucky comes home! But only briefly... :(

Warnings: None I think!

Chapter 4

Mr Hollywood Masterlist

Masterlist

*****

Pouring rain on Halloween night means the bowl of sweets by your front door is almost full as you answer the bell for the final few trick-or-treaters. Normally, Bucky helps you decorate the porch and front garden on the Saturday closest to the thirty first, so doing it alone this year was a bit of a challenge, but you're happy with the end result. 

The witches cat, out for it's third year, sits well by the mini pumpkins and broom, and the motion activated sound effects along the lantern lit path create the perfect atmosphere, just the right side of creepy.

The children certainly seem to approve.

Switching off the fairy lights and putting the leftover treats out of sight and temptation, you curl up on the sofa, scrolling through the pictures you took earlier of your decorations, choosing the best to send to Bucky. By your calculations it should be around midday in Los Angeles, lunch time hopefully, however it's always difficult to judge when he'll have a bit of a break. His replies to your texts have been slow and sporadic, but you understand, and he always apologises for taking so long. Today is a different story though, as the message is marked as read seconds after you send it, and you watch the little bubbles on the bottom of the screen as he types back his response. It's only a short text, saying that he shouldn't really be on his phone right now, but 'Happy Halloween!', and its accompanied by a photo of his own seasonal decorations, a plump pumpkin carved to look like a haunted house. He was always better than you at that kind of thing, you think, as you compare your own efforts with his, marvelling over the intricacy of the design. The picture appears to be taken in his trailer, and you zoom in to the corners, pleased to see it's cosy, homely. You had worried about how he would cope, being thrown in to such a foreign situation, as from the little information Bucky had been able to share, it seemed as though the other actors were old hands at living on set. It looks like Bucky's learned a thing or two from them.

Your reply to his picture goes unread, and you don't expect it to be answered any time soon. It feels like you never have proper back and forth conversations any more, that phone call cancelling his trip home feels like an age ago, and you miss his voice. The first half of the Autumn term wasn't as tough as you thought it would be, Bucky's replacement Peter is as easy to work with, so you have no complaints on that front, its just not quite the same without him.

Later, as you climb into bed, you allow yourself to briefly think about the future. Now that Halloween is done with, Christmas feels just around the corner, and Bucky's return can't come quickly enough.

*****

Luckily, Autumn quickly rolls to an end, and before you can blink, the annual school disco is upon you. The children look forward to it, and while it is a wonderful way to end the school term, with the combination of sugary drinks and snacks from the tuck shop, the only time they're permitted, the excitement for Christmas, and the speakers blasting classic festive songs, keeping it all under control can be exhausting for the adults.

Taking a breather, you wander through the empty corridors until you can no longer hear the commotion from the assembly room. The cloakrooms between the classroom areas are always a little cooler as they aren't heated, and after the stuffy hall its a welcome break.

Discreetly checking your phone you sigh at the lack of texts. You try not to keep it on you when you're working, not wanting it to be a distraction, but you are waiting on a message from Bucky, not so patiently. You want to know when he's going to be back around here so you can see him, but that's difficult to plan for when he doesn't reply. Leaning against the wall, you scold yourself for being annoyed at how uncommunicative he is, its unfair to expect to be made a priority, and it's not as if you're going to be super busy over the winter break. Whenever he's free you'll make sure you are too.

A door shuts nearby and you pocket your phone, pretending to be interested in the staff board in front of you, showing every teacher, assistant, cleaner and cook on it, your picture sitting at the top of the second column. Footsteps approach as you zone out, staring down the photo of yourself, only half aware that they've stopped beside you.

“Is that who took my place? Looks like one of those cartoon me-mes.”

Frowning, it takes your brain a few moments to work out what is happening.

“A what? Me-”

Turning to face the person who interrupted your bubble of quiet, you gasp, sure you're dreaming.

Bucky stands in front of you, and before he has a chance to say hi properly you're throwing yourself into his arms, only just holding in your squeal of joy as he wraps his arms around you. He smells just as he always did, that combination of three colognes you used to tease him about even though it is an amazing scent on him, and the memories it evokes has you snivelling against his chest.

He soothes you, rocking you with him as you wipe your eyes with your sleeve. “Sorry. I'm just tired I think.”

Nodding understandably against your hair, he hold you tight in his arms until your calmer.

Suddenly remembering his earlier words, you giggle as you pull away. “Me-mes? Really Bucky, you're still such a disaster.”

“And a very merry Christmas to you too.”

Smiling so wide your face hurts, you take him in. He's wearing a yellow visitor badge as opposed to your blue staff lanyard, and it makes him look so out of place even with the familiar surroundings. You note that despite spending nearly half a year in California, he's only slightly more tanned than when he left, but his hair looks different, glossier if possible, and softer. His casual style hasn't changed though, and you're happy to see that faithful puffer jacket he bought a couple of winters ago is still around. You can imagine he's grateful for it, coming back to the shock of single figure temperatures. All in all, he looks so much better than you remembered.

“And anyway,” You say, gesturing to Peter's picture that Bucky commented on, “He's actually really nice. So you should be too.”

“If you say so.”

Snorting, you check your watch. “If you have time, you could meet him?”

“I'd love to, but I've got to get to Dayton's. I didn't say I was coming here first, he'll worry I got stuck in the airport.”

“What do you mean? Haven't you been to his yet?”

“I wanted to see you first.”

“It's not really on the way is it?”

“No, but, worth it.”

Your tummy flips, flattered by his honesty. At a loss of what to say in response, you stare at the notice board behind his head, wondering if he's always had this effect on you and you've just forgotten over the months he's been gone, or if this is a new feeling. Even after an absence of six months he still has such a hold over you.

“What about tomorrow?” You ask after a short silence. “You remember the Christmas lunch? I'm sure we could squeeze you in if you wanted.”

You cross your fingers behind your back, desperate to have him here a little longer.

“Only if they have those potatoes I like.”

Thinking about how you'll make them for him yourself if you have to, you laugh at his condition for attendance, before escorting him back to the entrance foyer and his waiting taxi.

*****

“Are they not feeding you over there?” You chuckle, watching fondly as Bucky scoffs down a very full plate of dinner. Students and teachers a like have been absolutely delighted to see him again, and he's been given pride of place at the main table, with you squashed in beside him at his insistence. Peggy sits opposite, giving you a significant look every time your eyes meet.  She's not pleased that you aren't paying attention to her.

“Well, yeah, but only the really healthy stuff.” He takes a last forkful, scraping at the plate forlornly, before eyeing the food you are yet to eat. Sighing good naturedly, you push it towards him. “Go ahead.”

Thanking you with a grin, he tucks in, quiet until you question him on how long he'll be back.

“Only a couple of days.” He cringes at your confused expression.

“But I thought-”

“I know, I know. But as we've had so many delays because of the weather, everything is so behind, we're basically filming all hours of the day. Most people on set have never seen anything like it, and it's only going to get even more intense. They want to hit the summer season so we're doing all nighters to get it finished.”

“That's ridiculous.”

“And then press and promo, I don't know when I'll get to come home next.”

You don't know what to say. Bucky only arrived yesterday, and now that it looks like he'll be gone by the end of the week you're lost, disappointed and angry at someone or someone's you haven't met.

“Are you at least getting enough sleep?”

He shrugs. “Does anyone in this industry?”

Peter interrupts your conversation before you can continue your interrogation, flopping down between you and Bucky to introduce himself, seemingly in awe of everything about him and his life after Wild Fields Primary School. He knows what you've told him, so not much really, and whilst he tries to dig for more answers from Bucky you force yourself to smile and enjoy the little time you have with him.

*****

The end of lunch comes too soon and whilst you would love to stay with Bucky, teaching duties call. He's driven himself here so you walk with him back to the door out to the car park, refraining yourself from giving him a hug as it feels inappropriate in front of so many people, but he has no such qualms, and ignoring everyone around, you treasure being so close to him, conscious that it may be a long while until you see him again.

Stepping back eventually, you peer through the drizzle at the car Bucky's hired for the day, only half surprised to clock the luxury badge on the front. Not exactly the little run around he used to own.

“That looks very fancy, really going up in the world aren't you?”

“I'm still me.” He says, smiling bashfully as he presses a kiss to your forehead, before slipping out of the door.

“Just don't you forget about me Bucky Barnes.”

“Never, doll.”

You wave him off, not knowing then that Hollywood has a way of changing people, and that sometimes they can't keep their promises.

*****

Chapter 6

[yamagache]

26, 8, and 20!

Oh Jkl-fff what would I do without your random bouts of friendship! 😊 thank you for indulging me in a fun ask meme. You truly are too good for this world.

26. Three favourite non-English songs.

Hmm what I like about my taste in music is that I have no favorite genre or stay in my lane when it comes to the language barrier with music.

If it sounds good, it’s on my phone.

With that said, what I like does tend to change like the seasons, so I’ll pick three songs that never get old no matter what state of mind I’m in. 😊

1. Dernière Danse by Indila (A great bop!!) - French

2. Hello Hello by FT Island (The song structure is so interesting to listen to that when it comes up on my shuffle I have to listen to it XD) - Korean I think.

3. Sexy Als Ik Dans by Nielson (found this one playing on the radio when I was visiting family in Belgium) - Dutch

8. Three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation.

Oooo what a tuffie. Cause like my favorite season is fall so finding songs for that is easy. Summer not so much. But I guess I can find some songs that make me think of vacations.

1. I See Love by Jonas Blue ft. Joe Jonas (Yes I did 100% found this song watching hotel translyvania 3. Everyone goes on vacation!!! It’s the perfect song and a real bop!!)

2. Mermaids and Poets by Ruby Summer (If this doesn’t scream beach vacation I don’t know what does. Also confession time, this is in my Mabifica Playlist cause this song also screams the Gravity Falls gang and Norman having a good ol time on the beach.)

3. LDN by Lily Allen (The vibe this song gives me, is a hot HOT hot day in summer. The deceptively happy tune with negative lyrics is a ride on its own)

20. Three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one.

So like three songs I associate with you Mr Jkl-fff? Hmm... Never gave that much of a thought honestly. To brandish a person with a specific song is not something I normaly do with real life people. Now Cartoon characters? All the time! I mean I have a Parapines playlist!! (And mabifica + others lol)

But I take up this challenge nonetheless! 💪🏻

1. Rain by The Script. (Ok so I have three songs that I heavily associate with Parapines. And two of them I kinda also associate with the two driving forces for me finding this pairing. You @jkl-fff and @niczka. Without you too I wouldn’t be who I am today. Cheesy I know. The song I associate with @niczka is Undertow by Ane Brun. It’s Parapines for me all the way and makes me think of her heart warming yet sometimes heart crushing Fan Fics. The third song is I Move On by Sintel very Parapines. But back to you. You get Rain cause as bad as it sounds you get the male singer and she got the female singer. Does that say something about me? Maybe. But that’s my brain for yeah. This song is very Parapines for me. And when I hear it I automatically think of you and your fan fics. Good shit. Real good shit.)

2. How Do You Sleep? by Sam Smith (Is it cause he’s gay? Yes. All of the yes. And it’s great! 🏳️‍🌈 this song makes me smile much the same way I smile whenever I read your thoughts on any number of posts you give your opinion on. You have a way of making me learn things without making me feel bad for being ignorant about it in the first place. Is it cause your a teacher? No. Cause I’ve had shitty teachers. Your just a genuinely curious guy who’s learned a lot and got to a point where you can passionately teach others what you’ve learned. And I wish to be you one day. Wisdom wise. ☺️👌🏻

3. The Wolf by SIAMÉS (Why? Couldn’t tell yeah. I just thought to myself ‘what’s the first song that comes to mind when I think of the name Jkl-fff? And this is what came up. What it means and what it stands for? Don’t know. But it’s a good song and your a good person? ... sigh what a stretch. Lol.

Welp i tried!! And I had a lot of fun with this!!! Thank you again. 💚😙

[joie-university-rp]

Dear, LINK JONES,

It is with great pleasure we invite you admission to Joie University! Welcome to the Thunderclap family!

–

Congratulations, MEG! Please be sure to check the New Members’ Checklistand send in your character’s account within 24 hours from now. We cannot wait to see all that you will bring to this roleplay! We love you already!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias; preferred pronouns: Meg, she/her

Age, Timezone: 27, EST

Activity, short explanation: I work a full time job (36 hours a week, Mon-Fri) but I can usually get online at least one hour a day after work and sometimes before work and on the weekends, I have no life so I can be on quite a bit.

Ships: /Chemistry

Anti-Ships: /No Chemistry

Triggers: RFP

Preferred photo for Character’s ID (please give a link): https://www.essence.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/images/2015/09/25/gettyimages-480406134_master.jpg

Anything else: Just that I thank you for reading my application!

IC INFORMATION:

Full Name (First, Middle, Last): Lincoln “Link” Richard Jones

FC: Michael B. Jordan

Age/Year at University: 26, Junior (3rd Year)

Birth date: September 22nd, 1992

Hometown (please be sure to check the hometowns listed for characters your muse is related to!): Baltimore, MD

Gender/Pronouns: CISmale - He/him

Sexuality: Bisexual

Major(s): Business Studies

Minor(s) [optional]: N/A

Housing request (remember, only the president of a Greek Organization is required to live at a Greek House to be in it!): Off-campus apartment - preferably quad or triple

Extracurricular: Basketball (Captain)

Greek Life Affiliation [optional] (Please be sure to specify any executive board positions [i.e. president, pledge educator, etc.] or if your character is not yet a member, but plans to rush): N/A

CHARACTER PROFILE:

For most of his young life, Link has only dreamed of one thing - to become the next big NBA star. He had big shoes to fill - both figuratively and literally - but he was determined to be the best. His father had made sure to support his dream, but to an extent - he saw his son’s interest and decided to use that as a carrot to get what he wanted, so as long as his son maintained great grades, he’d be able to continue with the pipe dream that was basketball.

Of course, as he got older, he became more and more focused on the game. He would practice early in the morning before any of his teammates got there, and long after his teammates left the gym, and though he wasn’t the tallest of his teammates… he made up for it with more heart. And he used his size to his advantage, becoming a quick and nimble point guard that could make his way through the towering trees that were the forwards with practiced ease.

With the combination of his great grades - he had a 3.9 GPA - and his athletic success, Link managed to get the attention of a lot of universities that wanted him to play for their team, but ultimately he decided to go with the University of Kentucky. They offered him a scholarship to play with them, and knowing that they had great success in getting even freshmen recruited to the NBA… he was quick to sign with them. And his father… well, his father was glad that he was going to college.

But that changed after he signed to play for the Golden State Warriors just after the post-season his freshman year. Fumed by the fact that his son was more interested in putting his childish dreams ahead of his practical future, he disowned him - just as he had disowned his daughter - and left him with nothing. But he didn’t need anything, really. He was going to be a great basketball player, and he planned on becoming one of the best - with a name that would ring in infamy like Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neal and Magic Johnson.

Playing for the Warriors was great, and he was even instrumental in getting his team to win the NBA championships in 2015 and 2017… but that all changed after he wound up getting a freak injury during an early scrimmage. As he had come down from a jump shot, he had landed on his foot wrong and his leg wound up snapping in half as it bowed underneath him. After surgery, his doctors pressed concerns that he wouldn’t be able to play anymore and his team wound up paying out his contract early, doubtful that he’d be able to return.

Needing to get better, Link decided to finish his college education and persue a degree, choosing Joie because of his family - both his younger sister and his cousins attended the school - and because he knew it would be a safe place, away from the stress of the press that California had, so he could recuperate in peace. It’s been a year since he’s attended the school, and now that he’s in his third year, he’s ready to show the world that he’s able to play again - this will be his first year back on the court since his faithful injury, but because of how well he showed up in practice over the summer and because of his past career, he was already named Captain.

One thing people don’t know, however, is that to help keep himself healthy, Link has taken up boxing to help strengthen his leg and work on his agility and feet-work. And the more that he takes to the ring, the more he realizes he likes boxing and he begins to wonder if maybe, just maybe, he should hang up the sneakers and trade it in for a pair of boxing gloves.

STUDENT CENSUS SURVEY: (Please answer the following questions IN CHARACTER. Responses can be as long or short as you see fit!)

What made you want to attend Joie University? Honestly? My baby sister is here. We kind of lost some time over the past few years and I want to make it up to her. Besides… as her big brother, it’s my job to look after her.

What are at least 3 positive or neutral and at least 3 negative traits that you believe you possess? Shit, what don’t I possess? Nah, I’m kidding… But I’d say I’m ambitious, athletic - though anyone that knows me knows that that’s a fact - and I’m confident. Some bad qualities? I’m stubborn as hell, though it’s a Jones trait so don’t go blaming me… blame my Pops on that one…. I’m also restless and I guess I can be resentful too.

Which of your traits do you value most? My athleticism… Without it I wouldn’t have got to where I am today… All jokes aside, I value my ambition. ‘Cause without ambition, I really wouldn’t have gotten here. You can have all the talent in the world, but if you aren’t ambitious enough to put your foot down and make some use out of it? What’s the good of all that talent?

How can that trait benefit the University (or its student body) as a whole? Well, I don’t know about you, but usually ambition is good - especially for a university. If you get students that are ambitious, you have a higher rate of graduation… and that ambition may rub off on other students as they may decide to try and keep up with others, thus creating even more ambitious students which in turn increases the rate of graduation among the college.

What do you hope to gain from your experience at JU? My pro career back, a better relationship with my sister, and I guess some long-lasting friendships with people that see me as more than the former Warrior? And yeah, okay, maybe it’d be nice to find a boyfriend or girlfriend, too, but right now… I’m gonna fly solo.

What is a quote or song lyric that describes you? “Intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings.” - Salvador Dali

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Yaaay!! Thank you Soraya's inbox, sorry i blamed you on eating the last ask😂😘. You did great. Nono, he wasnt a torero, he looked like a prince. (Which is not better bcs i dont like any of those  figures but... whatever). Ooh, talking about suits, did you see the ranking hsfashionarchive did of the suits he wore this tour? Bcn was winning, pink suit was second and Mdd was third!! (1)

[I hope this works 😜🙏🏻, bc this was TOO long, jajajaa.]

Ohhh. Your mom is the best. So supportive! Petition to give her that award. She is clearly the winner. (1D clinex? capitalism in its pure state 😂. Did they really made those? Glad i didnt find it on time bcs i would have definitely brought them as a joke to my sister or something). You are already playing Niall’s songs to her? Did she like them? Does she have anything similar to “pikachu get away” she had for SOTT?. (2)

JAJAJAJJA. Netflix always does that to me too. Dont know why. I started watching Black mirror backwards bcs of that. Did you understand anything of chapter 7 os ST? (Did you finish the show??). Yep. The 8th season is the last one, and i dont know hoe to feel about it. Dissapointed by the shows? As in with the ending?? Or how? (3)

You sound like a devoted cat lady, yes. Ooow, i have little cousins too, though they are reaching the age of “too cool to be seen with you, old girl” Of course they make me laugh. Honey is a menace and i appreciate it. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. He ate the chorizo?? Honeeey!! 😂😂😂 that made me laugh at loud int the train and now my neighbour is looking at me weirdly. I see, you’ll never get bored with him. (4)

When i was younger and + close minded, i didnt like tattos. Considere also that the ones I had saw in real life were the tribal ones, so there’s tgat. But then i grew up and started liking them (you can partially blame larry for that). Nobody in my family (cousins and so) has one, and thats kind of a encouragement, I’d love to piss them, but my dad has threaten me to disinherit me (we dont heven have that, lol) and i dont have any tatto on mind, so i wont do it… maybe in the future, yes. (5)

I MISS LOUIS TOO! I hope he is fine. Resting and so. Im sure that creating the album that will destroy us all takes a lot of effort. (Seriously, where is heeeee?). Heeey!! I wont get bored. Or mad! I have such a great time talking to you. If i dont talk more its bcs of the character limit and bcs im always worried about pressuring or imposing. Dont be dumb. If i dont answer its bcs im busy with finals and so. Nothing more. Promise. (6)

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. i know i know. It makes sense and its a smart move, but… i cant stand raeggeton/latino, its not for me. Sad. I havent lost hope though. Maybe ill change my mind later Yeah, i have the same problem with my friends, they only listen to trap and raeggeton and i die everytime. We mostly agree to put something neutral like pop or the radio. (Disney songs never get old😂). (7)

Ay. I just saw that i wrote “heven” instead of “even” and now i want to delete myself. I was walking while writing the asks and i didnt proofread it. I feel so dumb. Anyway, sorry for sending so many asks (today i made a record xd) and, as always, good night!!————————————————————————-Hi!!!! Yes! I saw the ranking. But it isn’t exactly a ranking. It’s more to like chose wants your favorite suit. I did it and guess what? My first choice in the Madrid one, jajajaa. Second the kilt. And third the jumpsuit. Very accurate.

Oh, you’re telling me! My family bought me a bunch of 1D merch (unofficial all): the clinex, a hair brush, a bracelet, 2 books!, one perfume (this I love it, it smells so good), a make up box… I can’t even remember everything. Ah! A birthday card too!! Where they talk when you open it. I always use to wish happy birthday to people (the audio) 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I had to tell them to please stop wasting money on those things. I don’t even know where I have it. And if a can ask, I’d rather they give me the money so I can go to their concerts,jajajaja.EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot the poster!! I have it beside my head right now,jajaja, and I only realized it was there when I looked at the boys to ask for inspiration,😅😅)

Oh, my mom loves Niall’s album too. But I don’t think she “knows” any of the lyrics,jajaja. Though, she knows the hmmmm in This Town. But that’s all. She and my sister, both separately were like: “oh! who’s him??” When they heard Fire Away. And I was like: “ehhhhh, it’s Niall’s album, so guess who’s it?? What, you like it? See, Harry’s not the only one who can sing…” jajajajja. It’s because of comments like this, that they think I don’t like Harry. And I get so offended when they hint at it! Like, of course I like Harry. But I like all of them too!! God!! I love Niall’s album so much (I’m hearing it right now, bc I couldn’t remember what song was the one they liked it so much, and now I can’t stop 😅). Harry’s and Niall’s albums have been lining in my car since they were released. I had Harry’s playing in a loop till I got Niall’s one and I interchanged them. Then Harry’s came back a month or so before his concert. And now it’s time for Niall’s again. (You can’t imagine how hard it’s being writing this with honey laying on my arm!! Jajaja, I can’t barely move my fingers😅).

AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU WERE WATCHING BLACK MIRROS BACKWARDS??? I’ve watched canter 1 and 2 of ST afterwards, but I hadn’t gotten to watch the whole thing yet. I can’t stand to be looking at a screen for 50minutes without doing anything. And don’t get me wrong, lol, I can be on tumblr for hours, jajaja, but a have to move my hand, and I can go from a blog to another… y'know, jajajajaja. And when I watched chapter 7 of ST i was like, okay… now they have to investigate what happened… or a guessed they would be doing flashbacks… jajajajajaja. Then I realized my mistake and thought I was stupid, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣“I see you from a different point of view🎶🎶” ( sorry, that’s me singing,jajajaja, Seeing Blind. I LOVE that song)And shows have disappointed me in the sense that they turn out to have an awful ending (seriously, I know you do it for the audience, but end a show how it deserves it, don’t turn it into shit just for a handful of money); or bc they just end it bc they don’t have enough audience. It’s always a matter of audience,jajaja.if they have a lot, they want to explode it. And if they don’t have enough they finish it ASAP. 😒

Honey is a menace, yeh, I couldn’t love him more,jajajaja. He can’t see me petting Liam, he gets jealous and comes to me and headbutt my hand so I pet him too. And Liam is so patient with him. They’re totally like liam and Louis, jajja. Hey! did I tell you the story about when I got Liam? no!! Well, someone gave my dad 4 kitties (they were sooooo small). So, guess their names (it was post March 25, 2015…) yes!! They were named (by me) Louis, Niall, Harry and Liam, jajajajajja. But Harry died a couple of days later, because he was really really young. He couldn’t survive without his mom ☹️. And the other three, my dad took them to a place we have were he has a little garden (?) with vegetables and chickens and proper farm-y, jejeje. I wasn’t too (any) into cats back then, so… Then he brought home one of them, to have our home free of mice. AND IT WAS LIAM!! And I adopted him. I took care of him. We started loving each other. And he became useless with mice, jajaja. He’s totally domesticated now 😝. And that’s his story. The rest? Louis became a big alpha male at their new home. But s car ran him over last summer, and he died 😔. And Niall is a female, jajajajaa. And I hate her. Because she hasn’t been able to keep her kitties alive once!! (She’s pregame again, and we’re praying this time she knows who to be a mom🙏🏻) Ah!! And Honey had siblings the other day!! The guy who gave it to my dad is my brother’s friend and he show him a pic. There are two white cats!! I WANT THEM!!! But they don’t let me have anymore cats! Jajajajaja.

Hey, we might have in common the reason why we started liking tats, jajajjajaa. And, well, to piss off the family is as good a reason as any other,jajajaja. And why are dads like that?? When my sister and I got our lips pierced he went to pick up at the train station and as soon as he saw us he turned around and walked to the car without saying a word,jajajajja. I HAD TOLMY PARENTS WE WOULD BE DOING IT!! I asked my mom:hey mom, if a get a 10 in maths, can I get a piercing?? And she say okay. So I got a 10 (I might cheated or not on this, bc I already knew I had a 10, but wel…), and I got a piercing.my sister only got it, bc I was 16, she had to go with me as an adult, and giving she was already there, she got one too,jajajaja. (My granny almost kill us 😅)

Oh, louis has a BIG responsibility on his hands. He will be killing a lot of people when he puts out his album. He has to chose the proper songs to do it. It will be considered a massive destruction weapon, so he better be careful. But god, for real, when will Louis and Liam release their albums. At this pace, Harry and Niall will be releasing their second one before LiLo has finished their respective tours. And when they finish, Narry will have release their second one, and will be promoting them. So Lilo will start working in their seconds one. And… and… AND ONE DIRECTION WON’T COME BACK EVER BECAUSE THEY CAN FIX A DATE WHERE ALL OF THE BOYS HAVE NOTHING TO DO, AND WHAT WILL I DO??? 😭😭😭😭😭 (sorry, I panicked a bit there,oops).

Uggggg, I can’t stand raeggeton either. I can’t stand the music, argggg. Or the culture of it (the how it treats women, and glorifies sex). I can’t I can’t.and you can’t go out without hearing it. My friends and I went on road trip once. And it was my friend’s car. And she only listens to raeggeton. And after 10, 15, 40? minutes I had to ask her “will this song ever end???” And she told me it was already a different one. And I swear I almost jump out of the car,jajajajaja. We were crossing a bridge, and I wanted to jump out of the car!!!!! I couldn’t listen to that any more!!!!!  Ejkbvwirbfeuirnfrvoieefvnv The she caved and we switched to movie’s soundtracks,jajajaja.

Ha! Don’t worry about sending a lot of ask, I learn something, you’ll see,jajajajaa.Also, I forgot to ask early. Is your sister a 1d fan too, then? She goes to concerts and knows the song… how lucky! you have someone to talk about all the gossip!! (And they know what you’re talking about…) or is she a “casual” fan, and doesn���t get into fandom drama? She just likes the music and doesn’t care about their lives?are you both into drama?? God, I don’t discuss drama very much online, but if had someone face to face to talk about it… I would be the happiest person in the world,jajajajaa (what an exaggeration 🙊).

I think this is all. I LOVE ORPUR CONVERSATIONS!! Jajajaja( I hope I did it correctly and all this is under read more, jajaja)Byeeeeee!!!! 😚😚😚😚

[aqua-4-swimwear]

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[iwantthedean]

Take It All Back

Part One

Summary: As season one filming comes to a close, Jensen gets some shocking news from home. Pairing: Jensen x OFC (Macy) Word Count: 1635 Warnings: Drinking, language, mentions of hospitalization. 

A/N: The new Jensen x OFC series begins! It will be twenty parts total, so hang on to your hats. Something new I’m doing with this: the intro stuff (summary, pairing, etc.) will pertain to that part in particular. Never too late to be added to the tag list if you’re interested! Also, if you haven’t already, check out this song, as it was the inspiration for this fic. 

Just a few more days of filming and the first season of Supernatural would be completed. Jensen had to admit, he had no idea that his life would ever bring him here, but he was sure happy that it had. Not only had he met some amazing people, including his now-best friend Jared Padalecki, but he genuinely loved working on the show.

He’d also met Macy in the process. She was a model who had guest-starred on an early episode in the show, and they had hit it off. Jensen wasn’t looking for anything serious, and Macy was content to be the only girl he was seeing, even if there was never any talk of future plans. That was the kind of girl Jensen could be content with, even if it was only for now.

Occasionally the success of his new show made Jensen wish for the quiet and peace of being back home. Not to mention, sharing all of this excitement with his friends and family would have made the whole experience even better.

“Hey man, you drinking tonight?” Jared asked, catching him as he walked to catch a ride back to the apartment building where he was staying while he was in Vancouver.

Jensen shrugged. “Yeah, I could down a few beers. Doing some packing up to head home for the hiatus, though.”

“No big deal,” Jared assured. “I’m good to nose through your shit.”

Jensen playfully pushed his co-star, and the two of them got into the car that would take them to Jensen’s apartment.

 Jared couldn’t believe the number of boxes in Jensen’s apartment. He was going to be shipping a bunch of things back home, and Jared told him just how crazy he was for that.

“I had intended to go through everything while I was here, and of course got far too busy to organize,” Jensen explained. “Doing some of that now, I suppose.”

“Yeah, right, organization,” Jared snorted. “I don’t know how Macy deals with all this mess.”

“She doesn’t. We meet at her place.”

Jared drank down some of the beer from the can in his hand, meandering over to a stack of pictures on the coffee table. He set his beer can down and plopped onto the cushion, looking through the photos one by one.

“Hey Jay, who’s this girl?”

Jensen appeared from the bedroom and saw the pictures Jared was looking at. “Oh, uh, just a girl from back home.”

Jared raised his brow. “That stack is like an inch thick, and she’s in every photo. She’s not just a girl from back home.”

Jensen took a few of the pictures that Jared had set back on the table, and smiled to himself. “Yeah, you’re right. That’s Journey Ryan. Her family moved in down the street when I was in third grade and she was in first. We were always friends, somehow, and when I was thirteen and she was eleven, we made one of those stupid promises about getting married at thirty-five if we weren’t married to anyone else.” He got lost in memories for a few moments before tossing the photos back to the table. “We dated for three years before I left for Los Angeles. Journey never wanted to leave home, so we ended it and we haven’t really talked much since. I see her every now and then when I visit home, but it’s always in passing.”

“You’re still into her,” Jared observed before finishing off his beer.

“Nah,” Jensen said, shaking his head, “I mean, she’s always going to be my first love and the love of my life. That was all a long time ago, though. I don’t know why I even keep these pictures.”

He took all of them then and put them in a nearby box. There was no throwing them away, but if Jensen packed up the pictures and never thought about them, that was more or less the same thing … right?

 Their final day of filming was a short one. Jensen checked his phone as soon as they were done filming, and a concerned look etched into his features.

“You all right?” Jared asked.

“I think so. Mom called seven times during that take. Listen, I’m going to call her back and head to the apartment. You’re still coming over later?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be there as soon as I get all my stuff together here.”

“Good deal,” Jensen said, cueing up his voicemail. “Oh, shit, Macy was supposed to meet me here. If I can’t get a hold of her, will you just let her know I headed back early?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Jensen walked away then, picking up the pace at his mother’s desperate tone in the several voicemails she had left.

 Macy had indeed shown up on the studio lot. Jared offered for them to share a cab to Jensen’s apartment.

“He didn’t tell me he had left,” Macy frowned.

Jared checked his watch. “He left more than an hour ago, said he was going to call you. He got a bunch of calls from back home – hopefully everything’s all right.”

Jared and Macy got in the cab then, and Jared gave the cabbie Jensen’s apartment building address. They chatted about their respective plans for the summer, and silence took over once they reached the apartment building.

The door was unlocked, so the pair let themselves in. Macy announced their presence before she realized the pictures that were spread over the coffee table.

“What in the world …” she breathed out, picking up a couple of them and frowning. “Jared, who is this girl?”

“Her name is Journey,” Jensen said, coming into the front room with a can of beer in hand. A few empty cans were already littering the floor. “She’s the love of my life.”

Jared’s eyes went wide. “Jay, maybe right now isn’t the best time …”

“She’s dying,” Jensen blurted out. “That’s why my mom called so many times. There was a car accident today. Journey’s car flipped several times, took them a long time to get her out. She’s on life support and her family will be deciding in the next few days whether to see if she survives it or if they should pull the plug.”

Macy sat on the couch next to her boyfriend, rubbing her hand over his back. “Jay, I’m so sorry. So, you know her from back home?”

Jared interrupted before Jensen could say anything. “You know what, you should eat something if you’re going to be drinking that much. Why don’t we order pizza? Macy, do you mind making the call?”

“Don’t wanna eat,” Jensen said, cracking open another beer. “The one girl in my life that I’ve ever loved is on her deathbed because some fucking jackass doesn’t know how to use a stoplight.”

The hurt on Macy’s face was obvious. Jared tried to intervene on Jensen’s behalf, but Macy stood from the couch and waved Jared off.

“This is obviously not a good time for me to be here,” Macy said, her voice shaking with the threat of tears. “I’ll head out. Uh, Jared, you’ll let me know if you boys need anything?”

Jared assured her that he would and saw her to the door with an apologetic smile. Turning back to his friend, he told Jensen sternly that he was going to eat something, and then they would drink as much and as late as Jensen wanted.

 The pizza was mostly gone, as was the beer. They had moved on to hard liquor, setting up short glasses and playing a game of quarters while Jensen told Jared stories about growing up with Journey and all of the memories he had with her.

“She was the first girl I ever kissed,” Jensen sighed. “I know that’s corny, but I don’t even care. That day I made her promise to marry me at thirty-five. Her eleventh birthday, actually. I gave her this bracelet that I got out of one of those quarter machines … anyway. I kissed her when she agreed. I thought she was going to faint, her face was so red when I stepped back.”

He bounced a quarter into a glass. He finished off its contents, then refilled the cup. He went on to talk about Journey sneaking out of the house to see him when she was grounded, and Jensen taking her out when he got his first car.

“And she may be dead before I even make it home to say goodbye,” Jensen slurred out. “How’d it end up this way? Journey, man, she’s perfect. She teaches deaf kids and volunteers at a nursing home. She still has supper with her family at least once a week. She’s never wanted for anything more than she has. Me, on the other hand, I left home because I wanted more – way more. I wanted more than the life I would have had with Journey. What the hell was I thinking?”

Jared clapped him on the back. “Miracles happen, Jay. Maybe she’ll pull through. Either way, I’m sure you’ll get home before they decide anything. You said that your mom was in touch with Journey’s family, and they know you want to see her.”

Jensen nodded, expertly moving a quarter over his knuckles. Finally, he let the coin fall into his palm. Before bouncing it into a glass of liquor, he took a deep breath.

“I just wish I could go back,” Jensen said. “I’d take it all back in a second if it meant that I had Journey, and that she was gonna be okay.”

The quarter landed with a muffled clink at the bottom of the glass; it was the last drink Jensen remembered having before Jared put his sorry, drunk ass to bed.

[theplaguezine]

U.D.O.

Interview with Stefan Kaufmann by Daniel Hinds

(conducted October 2nd, 2009 via email)

In the metal world, there are few individuals as long-lasting and hard-working as Udo Dirkschneider.  After fronting Accept for more than ten years, he began his solo career under the name U.D.O. and has continued it to this day, with only a minor interruption in the 90s for the Accept reunion.  The latest release is 2009’s Dominator, a colleciton of solid, heavy tunes that manage to fuse classic and modern metal quite nicely.

One of the key ingredients to U.D.O.’s success has been the additon of former Accept bandmate Stefan Kaufmann, who joined in 1996 on guitar and has taken on all the band’s production duties as well.  Since I chatted with Udo himself last time around (well, I guess it was back circa Holy, in 2000), I wanted to get Stefan’s take on things this time...

Starting with the new record, did you approach the writing and recording any differently for Dominator than previous albums? Basically, there is no big difference. The digital recording process gives you more possibilities and more flexibility, but the basic songwriting and recording work has been very similar. The best album is always the newest album, because you hope, that you didn’t do the mistakes of the past. In the end, I’m proud of every album we’ve made. They represent the state of mind we were in at that time. Dominator to me has a greater variety of songs and a much more modern sound compared to previous albums. We tried to connect the classical heavy metal music with up to date arrangements – and I think it came out great!

Is there any specific song on the Dominator that really stands out for you, either lyrically or from a musical standpoint? As all the songs on new albums are our “babies”, we love them all. At least so shortly after an album has been finished. Maybe in a year or so, after touring with the album, we might have some favourites. Right now I can listen to the album and say: “Yeah, they’re all great songs – well done!”

The video for “Black and White” is certainly one of the most original clips I’ve seen in a while.  How did you guys come up with that concept? Actually we didn’t come up with the concept for the video. It was our management together with the art director of our video company. The song “Black And White” drew already a lot of attention by our business partners when it was still in the production phase. So it was clear, that this song will be the clip. Some different concepts were going back and forth, and in the end we all together choose the concept, that you’ve seen.

When I interviewed Udo back circa the Holy album, he was very emphatic about not spending money on videos at that point.  What has changed since then, is it just cheaper to actually shoot them nowadays? It’s not only a question of money. True, to shoot a decent clip today is less cost intensive than it was some years ago. But what is much more important is, that today there are enough platforms around where music videos are played. In former times you only had the big TV stations like MTV or so, and those stations wouldn’t play heavy metal videos at all. Nowadays there are a lot of private music stations, internet stations and so on. So, for us it makes sense again to produce video clips, because they have a chance to be played.

What is the process like as far as writing and arranging songs for U.D.O.? We always start with a brainstorming concerning titles, hooklines, lyrics and other text fragments. After this process we have about thirty to forty text frameworks we start to work with. The whole band is writing constantly, so when we go into production, there are a lot of ideas to choose from. This time for example we wrote about 25 songs, recorded about 20 of them and in the end, 13 or so made it on the album and the single.

You’ve been producing U.D.O. albums for almost 20 years now.  Is it ever difficult being both the producer and a member of the band, playing that dual-role? Not really. I was always involved in the producing process even when I was still in Accept. Not officially, but I was always there when it came to recording the vocals, backing vocals or little other things. I have also been very interested in the technical aspects of recording in album, so over the years I had a lot of good teachers. The first album I did as a producer was the Faceless World album of U.D.O., and from that time on I did more and more productions. So, when Udo asked me to join U.D.O. in 1996, it was just natural that I produced the Solid album. Up to now, most of the people seem to be quite happy with my work, and to me there is no problem with playing guitar and producing the albums at the same time.

U.D.O. seems to have an incredible work ethic, as you guys seem to always be doing shows or releasing a new album.  What keeps you guys driven after all these years? The fun in what we are doing. We love our music, love touring and love playing for our fans worldwide. It’s as easy as that.

Have you had a chance to do production for any other bands in recent years? I produced some other bands in the past, but I don’t have so much time besides U.D.O.  I get quite a lot of requests, but very often I can not do it because of timing reasons. I just had to cancel a production for a Swedish band, because their deadline is the 15th of February 2010. But we are on tour in that period of time so it didn’t work out.

Going back a little in time, I never got the full story on the health issues that led to you giving up drums.  What exactly happened?  Was it difficult to make the switch from drums to guitar? Back in 1992 – in the middle of the recording process of Accept’s Death Row album – my doctor told me, that I had a serious spinal disc problem. If I would have carried on playing the drums the danger of becoming paraplegic was a pretty dark prospect. So I bought some bottles of booze and told everybody in the band that I had to quit. So the demo tracks of my drums were the final tracks on the album. I kept on working on the album until it was finished and then I left the band. End of story. The switch from drums to guitar was pretty easy for me. Actually, the first instrument I learned was the accordion (at the age of about 3), the second the guitar (at the age of about 8) and only the third instrument was the drums (at the age of about 14). The reason for it was, that the local band I wanted to join was looking for a drummer – not a guitar player. So my parents bought a little drum kit for me (big mistake!!), and I joined a small local band as a drummer (two weeks later I had my first gig …). But I always wanted to be a guitar player. So, finally, with U.D.O., I found what I was always looking for!

Germany has remained a powerhouse of metal over the years.  What is your take on the current scene and are there any particular bands you like and/or are friends with? I must admit that I am not very good informed about the German music scene in general. As you already realized, we are in a constant working process – producing albums and DVD’s, touring, playing festivals, etc. – and so we are always around somewhere. I’m quite sure that you are better informed about our music scene than I am ;-)

I’ve seen a few quotes from Udo about the current Accept reunion that is happening but I was wondering what your take on that is. Wolf and Peter are very good musicians. So I think it’s great that they decided to make music again. I’m very sure that they will produce a good album with great songs. I’m looking forward for the release and I definitely will buy the CD.

How different is the writing and recording process with U.D.O. compared to the old days in Accept? Well, there have been a lot of changes in the recording techniques and its possibilities. In former days you first had to write all the songs for an album, record the demos, then get together with the producer to do all the arrangements, record the arrangement versions of the songs and then do the final recording. Today it’s a constant workflow. Writing, composing, arranging and recording is one big process. There really are no separate phases like in the past anymore. That gives us much more possibilities, more flexibility, much more creativity and in the end a higher quality album.

U.D.O. has always done some cool, offbeat songs now and then, such as “Trainride in Russia” and “Devil’s Rendezvous” to name just a couple.  Is it important for you to incorporate some new elements like that into the band’s sound now and then? Those kinds of songs always come naturally. We never sit down and say: “Hey, we need a song like this or that”. In most cases the lyrics dictate the kind of song. So, if there are lyrics like “Trainride In Russia”, “Cut Me Out” or “Devil’s Rendezvous”, the music grows nearly by its own. And yes, to me it’s important to record songs like this. They still match our style, but they are always outstanding.

Do you have any time outside of the band to pursue any hobbies other than music? Of course. I couldn’t live without my hobbies. I have my six cats and I idolise them. I love to cook, I’m a heavy book reader, I’m shooting videos and photos and whenever there is time I’m building and flying my model airplanes. I never get bored!

What is next on the agenda for U.D.O. and is there any chance you might play in the USA on the upcoming tour? We will start our European tour in early November 2009 and it will carry on until February 2010. Then there will be some touring in Russia, South America and the Far East. In the summer we will hit the festival season and then start working on the next album. I know that our booking agency is working on almost every country of the world, so hopefully we will have a chance to hit the U.S. in 2010.

www.udo-online.de

[inmomni]

No. 14

It was after my youth group’s 2015 winter retreat that i got saved for like, the third time that my best friend and i had an interesting conversation about our sin.  I remember we were on a night hike with a few other of my church friends when i suddenly started to get a strong urge for a cigarette.  I hadn't had one since the start of the winter retreat, which was about two weeks ago then and a long time for me.  It brought up this kind of frustration in me.  Not because the craving was getting worse, but because i had just been saved, again.  See in my mind, if you were with Jesus, you should just want to sin because of this new found love that you have for Jesus now; so in turn, that would make you naturally hate sin, ya know? Sharing the comment with Caleb, it sparked some talk about the fallenness of man and how we innately fall away from God, you know the gist, and we went on for about an hour when pent up with frustration about how i still want sin after all that God had shown me, after knowing what He did for me, after experiencing how much He loves me, 

 I said, “I wish God could just make us love him so much right now that we would never dare to sin again.”  

And from there my difficult journey of becoming a disciple of God started.

God works independently from you.  This is something that He has been teaching and showing me in this current season of my life.  I always had this imagery that depicted how I came to faith, and how I’m being sustained now: me being dragged by a rope tied to my hand by God.  Let me explain.  Looking at my faith, my life, my experiences, etc., I feel like i missed out.  I feel as if because God made me a Christian so early on with such strong convictions that i wasn't able to really have fun in high school.  As in the sex, drugs, alcohol portion of it.  A culture that always sounded so alluring and enticing because it gives you a good status; a “cool” status or reputation, one where no one has to question who you are, just as long as your there to have fun, you're family.  But my ties to the church prevented me from fully immersing in that culture, and i really did genuinely try to be a good christian while struggling with this sense of being cheated by God.  So this lead me to do something else: just drift in and out of the two. Not like split life type of deal, but just over the course of time that has passed up since then and now, I have tried, just once, a good number of drugs, was a pretty fat stoner, and am still currently working on getting rid of nicotine.  I hardly ever read the bible regularly, prayer was on SOS duty, but still during this entire time, I was, and honestly still now,  going to church, singing my songs, and repping the name of Jesus to those who knew I went to church.  

I thought I knew what a christian should look like.  I’ve been to church all my life, so that being said, I think I have a pretty good idea of what an idealized modern day non-Jesus Christian would be like: 

- Prays for at least 30 mins a day, an hour if it didn't cry at all to “push through and seek the Lord”....Or an hour if you did cry cause, you cried and you had a moment with Jesus.   - Reads the word every day without fail, even if you don’t have time for it cause you’re too busy serving, you get it in somehow by listening to an ESV ebook bible or through your 2min New Morning Mercies. - Just exudes Jesus everywhere they go, like to the point where you feel so sinful if you're around them, but somehow they're so humble that it doesn't even cross your mind. - Raises their hands every single worship song at some point in the chorus and definitely the verses cause no one raises their hands for those - Every single conversation they have in passing turns into some life changing prophetic revelation for both parties involved           The list can go on, but because of this mismatched lifestyle of knowing what is good but not living it out, there emerged a very cyclic pattern starting since senior year of high school: 

Summer is so good, its great, restful, had a bunch of fun, ready to get back to work Fall initially is really good, meeting up with friends, keeping up with academics, motivated, I’m doing okay with God, reading here and there, not consistently, but reading at least, not doing bad things and such... then it starts to drop off around late October. I start getting less motivated, missing more classes, sleeping in more, trying to escape reality more.

Winter is super bad, just bummy lazy disgusting, right up until finals week approaches from where I jump up out of bed and turn into a study machine

This carries on past spring and then probably into summer again.  Then it repeats. 

But during these times there have been moments where God affirmed me in my spiritual growth, all in retrospect of course.

I remember a time at Chick-fil-a with Caleb after serving at VBS where one of these moments happened. We had just finished up a day where the theme was the good news.  For some context, we started the day with a staff meeting where the pastor told us about the theme, what kind of message she will be sharing, the weight of this day and the significance it could have on the kids. Everyone was “mmm-ing” in agreement and prayer was loud so you know people were passionate, but i wasn't really in the mood.  I really wasn’t in a good place in my faith, then again when have i ever been, and i just said yes to a pastor that said they were understaffed.  So I brought along Caleb, who was walking with the Lord at the time.  But prayer was only 3 minutes long because the meeting started too late.  So everything started getting pushed back a little bit.  Stations were shorter, and the station leaders were rushing things to pass the group to the next station to the point where by the end, all the crew leaders were a little bit disoriented and tired.  So back to the scene at Chick-fil-a, after ordering food, I asked him, “Hey, what did you think about today?” He responded with a “It was kinda weird”, a prodding question to see what I’m thinking.  I started explaining how they didn't do the gospel justice, how this wasn't something that was deserving of being rushed or just gotten over with, especially if it is for these kids.  At one point, some guy paraphrased the gospel to, “uhh we sinned, Jesus died on the cross for them, and, oh shoot were out of time, can the crew leaders explain the rest on the way to the next station”

I was getting really emotional, and tears started running down my eyes at which point caleb asked me why I was crying.  I didn't understand his question, until i remembered that all the conversations we had and all the things he’s seen me do don't point to an impassioned college student upset because his church’s VBS didn't do the gospel enough justice when presenting it to 5-10 year olds.  That was when I realized God has taught me the weight of his gospel

There were other instances like this:

When i first got to Biola, and I hated it, but God told me through the song i hated the most during high school  (Christ is Enough) that though i may think that i failed because I only got into Biola, Hes bringing me to a place where I can say Christ is all I need, and he placed that desire in my heart

Placing me in Torrey so that I would have a deeper knowledge of the word and how to converse with people, and having that show up at a party half tipsy with a bunch of non-christians who were talking philosophy of a higher being and of a purpose in life

Seeing that through every cycle of highs and lows, regardless of how low that low was, I still came back to a place where God met me

This cycle continued starting senior year of high school, to hopefully not now, getting worse every single year, as in the depressed months started to bleed past their previous marks. Until last year, my junior year, when I failed 3 classes second semester. 

It had lasted til May.  

At that point i perceived myself as for what i thought i had become.  It was my junior year, and I’m a bio major.  I’m trying to become a doctor, but now I’m not even sure of that anymore.   I’m a slob, my sleeping schedule is a mess, I'm not even properly eating and what the heck is up with that, I don’t go to the gym anymore,  I’m not loving on the people that are close to me well at all I feel so selfish and twisted I feel so sinful, Holy i feel so dirty I feel so far from God, am i really a christian? I barely read the bible,  when was the last time i talked to God?  No other than a Sunday. I’ve been a Christian, or a so called christian for how long now?  Almost 8 years now? almost eight years.  Even after all these years I can't get this thing going God, I’m such a failure, I’ve tried so hard.  To be a Christian, to stay in the faith, but it’s too hard.  I don’t get it, and i don't understand it.  If i did, then i wouldn't be like this.  If i was a christian, I wouldn't be doing X, Y, and Z or i would have fixed this part of myself ages ago.  I should have had a consistent routine with God by now, talking with him, I should be the ideal christian by now.  IF I had truly been a christian up til now, holy, I’ve lived 21 years exposed to the gospel, and I don’t know how to do this thing.  I should just give up, I need to leave, 

But where would I go? 

Ecclesiastes puts it so well (I love this book) when it says that EVERYTHING is meaningless.  If you really think about it, there is no point to life. To pass on your genes? To have the most toys at the end of your life? To be a powerful change in society to those who are equally as insignificant and pointless as you are? as if your possible change will bring about anything more than which is your mere humanity, which is what, simplified by science, nothing more than a generation 10000 monkey all within a world that is dying and rotting each day that passes.  

So it’s either God, or death.  

Well, I don’t want to die... Yeah I really don’t want to die, so then how do I do this

HOW can I do this?  I’ve failed so many times I could probably map out and predict up until when I’ll be depressed, what I’ll be doing during that time

God, I don’t know what to do. That’s when it became clear to me.  If you've noticed by now, I’ve used the word “I” so many times up til this point.  God just started highlighting all of the I’s I used, and he started replacing them with His name.  and it all started to click.  Maybe the reason I failed all these times was to bring me to a place where I could say, with my heart inside out, “God help me please, I don't know what to do.”  I tried to do things my own way for 3 almost 4 years now and i failed every single time, maybe its time to look towards God and not myself.   God reminded me of a passage in Numbers 21:6-9 where it talks about God sending fiery serpents to the people of Israel.  These snakes were sent to kill people with their venom because of their sin and rebellion, and the passage says that many died from these snakes.  So the people cried out to Moses, and Moses to God, who instructed Moses to erect a bronze serpent in the middle of camp (on a standard) so that if any man looks on the serpent, that even if they get bit, they will live.  Now, a thing about snakes, they're not that tall, so the area that they'll probably bite you, if you're not laying down in snake infested areas, around your feet, legs, ankles, all areas that you have too look down to see.  So you’re here, dodging snakes on the ground for dear life, when Moses comes around and says to look up at this serpent so that you'll be saved.  I’m guessing that this bronze snake was up on a tall pole or structure so that not just people in the vicinity would see it, but people all over camp, which meant that if you wanted to look at the bronze snake, you'd have to take your eyes completely off the ground.  So you're surrendering your own ability to do the best you can to defend yourself from these serpents risking death, or to look up at a bronze statue of a serpent to live.  And get this, the bible doesn't even say healed, just “will live”, meaning to me that it probably still hurt like hell when they got bit, but they lived, which they wouldn't if they tried to do it on their own.  Our protocol is just to look at Him, nothing else, not to look good in front of him, not to hide your sins, not to say this or that, but to look at God like a child and say “help please”.  

Now

How do you do that.  

🤷🏻‍♂️

I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m trying to read more.  Pray more, I don’t know what it looks like to do what I said just now, or what that actually looks like.  But regardless of what I know, or what I understand, God is doing things behind the scenes for my good.  That there is no other reason, there can't be any other explanation than the grace that God gives me and sustains me with.  In this most darkest season of my life, I have never understood more clearly what it means to work out your faith with fear and trembling, to know that I am a christian despite all my crap, that despite how hard I may want to leave, not even I can pluck myself out of Gods hand, because of the way He’s been teaching and shaping my heart. Grace prepares the heart for salvation, it is grace that one receives salvation, and it is through grace that salvation is sustained and sanctification is occurring.  I don’t know how I got here and how to get to where I need to be, but I just know that God’s got this.  

So I’m just going to take that and run.

[jeremystrele]

Yumi Stynes + Family

Yumi Stynes + Family

Family

Emma Eldridge

Yumi Stynes with her children ‘Man Baby'(2), Mercy (4), and Dee Dee (14) (not pictured here Anouk (16)). Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Mercy and Dee Dee in their Sydney home. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi and ‘Man Baby’ whose name she has chosen not to release publically. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

‘As for parenting in public or private, I don’t know anyone who isn’t just doing their best,’ says Yumi. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi with her eldest daughters at a local cafe. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi, Australia’s most masterful multi-tasker! Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

The family never incidentally watches TV – ‘it’s either on because we’re watching something and engaged with it, or it’s off’. Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi mentions her older two children thrill their younger siblings just by existing… aww! Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

‘I think the kids learn a lot by observing how I treat my own mother,’ tells Yumi. ‘She is an imperfect and wonderful human being, and I love her thoroughly.’ Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

Yumi’s chief hope for her children us that their laughter muscles be well exercised! Photo – Katherine Millard for The Design Files.

I recently read an article that quizzed Dr. Michele Borba (author of UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me-World) on how to teach children empathy; number three on her list was creating a ‘family mantra’ (I texted my husband to workshop this and he unsurprisingly did not respond).

It may not extend to her family, but the mantra of media-slashie Yumi Stynes is definitely ‘zero f*cks’.

Today we talk with the straight-shooting mum of four about multi-tasking, podcasting, making the most of maternity leave, and more.

You’ve said you had never wanted to become a Mum but experienced an incredible biological impulse to get pregnant at age 25, and that your first-born Anouk saved your life. Three kids on, you present, podcast and write in amongst managing your family’s mental load – Yumi, are you Australia’s most masterful multi-tasker? Apart from having an incredibly supportive partner, how do you do it? Have you kept your pledge to do less at home? Is it even possible to give up gatekeeping?

Thank you for that flattering question, ha! A couple of truths I’d like to underline – yes, my partner is a ridiculously competent and enthusiastic participant in parenting and its accompanying daily domestic drudgery. My life would not be possible without this help. I do multi-task like a juggling octopus, but I think most parents do – we keep the balls in the air, because we have to.

For the most part I’ve kept my pledge to do less at home… but to be honest, most of that ‘less’ involves hands-on caring for the children. I still do all the cooking and management of our social calendars, but my partner does most of the bedtime reading, bathing and other stuff he loves to do but I find quite boring. Quitting gatekeeping of domestic chores is easier when you realise you actually have zero fucks left to give.

Every parent has survived at least one incident of shaming, but my postmistress telling me off for bottle feeding in no way compares with the public outcry you experienced after ‘Paddington Bear’ (it was summer in Sydney and Yumi brought then-baby Mercy along to the premiere in a nappy). Why do you think it is that mothers tend to tear each other down instead of boosting each other up – when we’re all in the same bonkers boat? What would you say about parenting in the public eye to those so quick to judge?

I’m not sure if it was other mothers having a go at me, it felt more like a bunch of people who found me annoying and thought it was a fair opportunity to give me a kicking. I was shocked and tipped off-balance when it happened as I’d been on maternity leave of sorts for a year and was not in fight mode – I was definitely not match-fit. On reflection, the whole thing was a giant heap of bullshit; I can’t believe anyone wasted their energy arguing about whether it was right to bring a baby out wearing nothing but a nappy on a hot day. Those people can just fuck off.

As for parenting in public or private, I don’t know anyone who isn’t just doing their best. Judgement happens, but I think all you can do is brush it off your shoulder – like the insignificant fluff it is. 

I’m a big fan of Ladies We Need To Talk (it’s my must-listen along with The New Normal for all things Mum), and have found myself increasingly turning to podcasts (not sure if this can be attributed to the pursuit of quality over quantity content, or being time poor). How does the experience of working on the series compare with your current and past presenting, and have you any other favourite podcasts you’d like to share?

 Working on Ladies We Need To Talk.has been an unbelievable experience, and we’re only halfway through season two! Allow me to answer your question in three parts. 

First of all, when I started working on Ladies I was really struck with how ethical and diligent the team were. We approach every new topic with a very keen sense of responsibility to our listeners – to research thoroughly and speak truthfully. I love that so much.

Then there is the audience, who are so enthusiastic every time a new episode drops, and who clamour to share it with their friends. I’ve never had something I’ve worked on be so shared through word-of-mouth. It’s insane.

And then there’s my own personal experience, acquiring actual life-changing knowledge with each episode. I started out Season One thinking I knew everything and was this totally empowered woman, but I’ve still so much to learn. I feel different, I am different, because of this podcast.

The podcasts I love tend to be music-related, like Song Exploder and Switch on Pop – there’s nothing more delightful to me than nerdy dissection of popular music. This year, I’ve deeply loved a podcast about research into Isis called Caliphate; I also listen to my own radio show, The 3pm Pick-up, on podcast because I like to make sure I don’t sound like an asshole!

Growing up you wanted to be a chef but were put off by the industry’s aggressive energy – what was it that inspired you to finally pursue a culinary path with the Zero F*cks Cookbook, conjured while on maternity leave? Can you also share your go-to weeknight recipe from the book, and tell us a bit about the sequel due this summer – plus the non-food related publication you’re currently working on?

 Yeah, I wanted to be a chef when I was a kid. My sisters tell me I loved squelching things together – that visceral blobbing of wet and dry ingredients, and the magic of adding heat. I never became a chef, but my oldest child is 16, so I’ve been cooking for a family for nearly two decades.

I mentioned maternity leave before, but when you freelance and take time off to have a baby, there’s not necessarily a job waiting for you when you’re ready to start back. I’d had a chunk of time off after my third kid and was desperate to get out amongst it, but I had to make my own opportunities. Making easy, health food was so native to me, the book wrote itself – like when musicians wake up with a perfect pop song written in their heads! Taking the cookbook to market was a joy because it was all so clear to me; rejection meant nothing because the idea was bullet-proof.

I knew Zero F*cks would be a hit because I am the exact kind of person who needs such a book: I am busy, I love food, I cook. I started writing the follow-up before the first one had even been printed, so I was ready to pull the trigger on that quick smart. The Zero F*cks Sequel should be out in time for Christmas and it’s bigger, funnier and swearier than the first.

As for the non-food project I’m working on, it’s still a bit top secret. It’s more in the vein of the work I do on Ladies, and I’m so excited about it that I get blinding surges of pleasure whenever I think about it!

How do your days start and end with Anouk, Dee Dee, Mercy and ‘Man Baby’? You’ve said you work hard on being honest, but do you have any other tips and traditions for raising four kids – particularly ones a generation apart?

My days start when I wake up at 6.30am, after which I pretty much run from the time the babies wake until around 11pm, when my partner and I lie side-by-side in bed, shell shocked and staring into our phones.

Raising four kids is total madness but it almost balances itself out with the great big gap. There’s 10 years between the first batch of kids (Anouk and Dee Dee) and the second (Mercy and Manbaby). The older ones thrill their younger siblings just by existing – they don’t have to do anything, they’re just hero-worshipped and magnificent and heavenly goddesses. The younger ones are bonkers and poo their pants and run around doing irrational shit like trying to stab each other with spoons, and somewhere among it all they’re learning to be decent humans with a basic sense of respect and humour.

One of the things we do is eat together every evening. We never have incidental TV watching – it’s either on because we’re watching something and engaged with it, or it’s off.  And finally, I think the kids learn a lot by observing how I treat my own mother. She is an imperfect and wonderful human being, and I love her thoroughly. I very much hope that they will view me similarly when I’m an old lady.

Moving across time, what kind of adults might you like your foursome to grow into? How would you like them to remember you to their own families?

I don’t really mind what my children become so long as their laughter muscle is well exercised! I hope they have fun and treat their bodies like some people treat their cars (lots of attention and maintenance) and treat their friends and families as their greatest treasures.

FAMILY FAVOURITES

  Activity or outing

I have four kids who will swim in any body of water no matter what the weather or water temperature, so the best kind of family outing usually involves a swim with a little esky full of apples and cheese and crackers and homemade snacks. When the babies are grumpy, or the teens are crackling with what I call ‘that static energy,’ a good long swim usually soothes their souls and calms them down.

Dinner destination

This is such a wank, but I love to go out for a vegan degustation meal. You feel pampered and at the end, you don’t feel disgusting.

Book, film, or show

The TV show Atlanta is the greatest show of the last five years and I’m not interested in hearing arguments to the contrary.

Place to travel

Japan. My mother is Japanese and we have been travelling to Japan since I was little. The reasons Japan is so great are obvious and numerous – the food, the culture, the nature, the snow – but I also love it because I only ever want to visit. I’m quite happy right here.

[tocoworks]

Sweat Equity: How To Be More Efficient In 2018 ⏱ 🚀 🛠

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TRANSCRIPT BY DRAGON DICTATE

Who now are going I can see that face was live feeling good how are you feeling Eric Readinger real good yeah really it you get the show going on mean we gotta squeeze one last one in before 2017 goes out I know hopefully get the bonus content common when we pretend that where a dog is initiate next year and then get caught up in the life of your days later I hate New Year's resolutions I don't I don't like hey I don't like people telling me their words without me asking Jeff I mean II know I'm annoying I give out a lot of free device known as for but you do it all your law right Lisa consistent with the exact path but like the thing with plus I always heard here's a little here's a little advice sweat equity advice goals New Year's resolutions essentially goal right losing weight is a New Year's resolution but it's not a good goal July your lifestyle good goal do you know why though nonspecific will is you just write I'm girl and there's no light quantifiable thing is a need it so instead of going on the lose weight and 2018 have to go like by June I'll lose 25 pounds whatever is everybody's resolution should be understood actually be real with myself instead of I'm going to lose weight and then when people ask you about it like we some pictures at New Year's is get real talk when you get real lack landlady real talk in the pocket you just need to be real with yourself a 12 team you know that's what it is people tell themselves stories make it all good so everybody around them here's what their convincing themselves of how I like I been guilty of this as well where you go on the to do this to keep myself accountable right yeah have to sign works have timed doesn't sound like my dad take it all back as I've done that before to know me at what we all have its it's annoying if you 0400 for whatever 100 with your friends or family about it like I go on the run a marathon that I said that at one point last year think and then I didn't predict an injury and then once you got injured I just couldn't get back in it and so one of my I feel do she does like everybody listen to me on the road where the line but what was the entry I just bad hamstring pull which you as you know from some replace fantasy football if you draft any wide receiver yet having the same as a lingering IRA though never be hundred percent so I wait that out like you know it's not my favorite but let's get this ship going you ready for your Howdy toddy did you read it 321 God Almighty this is a sweat equity podcast come to you from cigar city Ybor city Florida beautiful enclave of the of the hood enclave enclave yeah I think I use that right in Tampa Florida we may be in Tampa but we were we keep it worldwide like pitbull but this advice as a business hustle advice I think a lot of people asked me what is the podcast they see my face popping up in their feed because were doing good with our targeted video ads that's something I love it if you hear little muffling the background that's a production meeting going on behind us of high level production film meeting made I might want to yell just a just have their meeting but what's on there I know I keep like going to the bathroom lexically go to get anything actors need a grant from you might grab any parts I again works like yeah but let's… Give a little love to her sponsor fresh books tax season is coming up my goal here you go here's my New Year's Gold pay your taxes pay taxes yes no I want to get taxes done by 15 January my business taxes that's the goal good luck I got a hustle but you know what it will you know I can cram yeah are you doing every three months yeah yeah quarterly is sure yeah they said we have to as an S Corp. you you know you have to with meeting minutes and all that stuff that we do all that go go fresh books.com/sweat and you get three a free 30 day trial but QuickBooks are not happy with zero there 00 at the next get out here go to that's that that's another song or no no no that's like a that's the vid me out of all these fresh books is the is the competitor to QuickBooks zeros, that the video drove off to the side there like third place probably for meals for me is good for what it is I mean I'm sure was writing books but look freshman and you need a bookkeeper we've got actual client that I can hook you up with if you want to email me at law@tocaworkslawtocoworks.com will show her love she's got a virtual bookkeeping business and it just ties it Sophie you go to go fresh books.com/what and then email us the double hook up you could really email us for anything business I think we got something in place right yeah and pleasure yeah sure you know you want to send some pleasure pics will do this 90 style yeah I'm sending over there sending them to us I mean that matters depends depends I'm not doing them independence depends on the map and you know see we want to go 2018 New Year's resolutions I mean these are do you have anything no but look you shouldest do these once a month really shouldn't be a year yeah it's weird it's it takes easier for people to grandma look at myself with it are things going good for Maren okay and by October your different person I will eat like a fat pig from Christy Easley from Christmas to New Year's like no big like Burger King all day son yeah everybody that is that's a pretty standard thing or is it yeah to go worse than normal now I do it to the holidays you you do ketogenic will I do but I don't Christmas hello I mean I Brian you get at Iquitos yeah but I can get my bag and okay it's a gimmick around our house these next day you're right Rita is mental but Seattle get the hang agrees like some people do I know I don't usually but I feel like anything I have so little to hold onto his advice that I feel like I would if I do right now you would have been angry as if you win and I dress Onassis yeah I have to do a blood test tomorrow for health insurance incentives which means you can't eat associate today and I isolate this morning because you got to get like a pure sample or whatever and and cholesterol so they give you incentives if you like a reward if you're decent I can't going all stressed out a is one time I failed and I to go back and do it I was like one of many to walk out what your blood pressure is yeah and I was like no Isaac as I rushed over here to get to this thing and went right into it and I'm thinking about work let me go outside only to walk in the hallway for like 10 minutes I came back fine and that weird that's weird I did that recently the doctors to had to get in there real quick and on-site and don't let yeah the Dilip having high blood pressure worry give you high blood pressure that's another contract so I try not to let it psyche out I assume you got into the cholesterol one which is you know I don't know what's good cholesterol bad cholesterol but are you going to do that task so you do bunch of those things which is actually interesting because they make you do this app called rally we go to we rally.com it's actually I wanted to shed all over it because I might man I want I don't want to have to have this thing you tracking stuff the health insurance companies making use that now make you it's it's what I'd like a strong incentive but that's how they measure stuff they think you have to do like certain certain things of the blight but I got to go to Qwest labs and that will knock out like four of the rewards you can get okay as you get likes I can get 600 bucks back basically one was like you get 50 bucks for filling out a survey that's just like how many drinks you have it's like the basic general practitioner you know little questions I would ask you do you sleep well do you eat well all that stuff this is also the app yeah you answering this question is cool but then I tied it you can tie it into your so I have the Apple watch yeah that's about that yeah while I don't know how to use it yet I got it and I haven't had time to like yeah get to know this baby you gonna love it will I just wanted just to be able to jog with and not I have the old iPod that I have to load manually nice real nice real nice right I write if I am ever like I am assuming those like 10 years and my yeah but it's so cumbersome that I forget like I don't when I get a chance to run it's like oh you got yeah I I'll get the kids for 30 minutes you go for running like okay what I need everything to stick 10 minutes that I just can change and get out the door yeah and then getting music ready to go to site and it's not happen so the reason I like this is just I'd have streaming stuff because it has its own phone number I guess oh you got the a data plan yeah oh nice yeah so you can do the air pod headphone yes I'm a good goalie asked well basically I have flown on my watch and I have my air pods that you can't see my ears which I wanted to hook up to this but I think it would ruin the Bluetooth with the video yeah that's that's that's what's future ship well it's only acyl because light to my wife because she won't know they're in now I used to keep it that the ones under my shirt the the corded headset right so at least you can see that a lot of the time but now you just you can't see it all you could use these giant headphones is like holders for your air pods cut the cords because they fall out of my ears hey what these are your pod covers I had to buy these so they don't break not I but I've been falling asleep of those things in which is not good probably for my ears because I feel like I mean Felix's summer jam to pencil in there if I sleep on my side but it doesn't wake you up when I when I go to sleep all hit it hard but I wake up really easily anyway the thing with that is like all this stuff is to be more efficient anyway because I can arty feel that your pods like you can get about 30 feet away from your phone and it still plays whatever podcasting listen to music whatever 80s background with new wrapper genre music I like to listen to like that Eminem song but it's that thing of you know saving trips from going back your phone for something what I can charge the phone or not tethered to or I'm not I'm not going without listening to something for 30 minutes which is trust that but I can make calls and still it's weird it's it's it shouldn't be that big of a difference but it's talking also in the the watch I when I had a Fitbit which were super ugly come like they're ugly they're ugly looking this I got a get a new band on it but I got that ship and you got the big boy version I got the lady lady says I actually pilot pulled my hair out on accident because the rubber because when it gets to that I was going like that I head back head head hair and ended if I took a few with it so not feeling good but what I'm saying is I like the tracking of the stats because I like how much do I stand up during the day how many I do like that stuff I don't care big brothers watch me yeah I've also noticed that the Stan Golson it is not that I can I reach my standing goal laying on my ass okay so does it mean stick to stand really mean are you up I don't know I I think it met like I think discounts if you're awake sell real okay is it going around yeah because right now price as I'm standing right in my heart rate a little bit because were trying to multitask on air oh that's the other job I loved going on stage doing standup and seeing what my heart rate would be while on stage yeah you could try check the time and stop it'd be lower way lower they just normal onstage you weird yeah but both euros off before would spike about 10 to not be three-minute more which isn't really a spike but it would it would get up because you can't anxious your light will bit smug and run over and then when I'm on stage at site cruise control cleared it weird and did did for stand up last Friday which felt good had a really good set which is I forgot how good of a feeling that is when you're so nervous about getting up because I'd been that nervous price seven years yeah dude I mean you and how many months for five months. This podcast helps the mean I tried it I I pitch a lot of podcasts to our clients go look it's a good way you gotta do it like we wish we've been shoehorning in episodes last couple weeks just because it's just been nuts around here holidays baba but we didn't plan ahead like we can plan ahead by the quarter kind of thing like we should but like it's a good cathartic it it's a little bit of therapy it's a little bit of like I try to write some jokes for it right ideas yeah like what is our creative outlet for sure it is him is sometimes the only time we talk during the day but also it's like it's it does have to be polished obviously and it it's another way to get her voice out there for people to digest when they can handle it now one thing I I did come up with while running the other day and this will tie into how to be more efficient is I got a term I want to coin officially calling on the go so we've got some lingering projects that just that become like big picture ideas I feel like a lot of people have this unit maybe you want to do in addition on your house were you know you try to figure out how to save enough money to buy a ring for your lady were you would don't do that though but stupid if she's in the wedding rings and she got the girl for you what if you have a family ring by all means do that whole you can do that yeah don't don't be full by tapirs okay it's at this so many diamonds out there manually many the world look at the history of all that she is talking crazy you know it's all made that's why like advertising yet will I mean it's going to its settings going away you think the holy I don't I think it's to both I think with a lot of things it's going down but the other sides can imagine will I think the wedding industry of like having bad ass wedding that's going up the ring with the precious stones is not as big a deal anymore speaker wedge event coordinators for weddings or secretly like the worst coordinator like of anything you know what a millionaire not about to let yeah I've dealt with a lot of event court wedding coordinators of the site you do this for a living right like wool I brought all I brought all the reclaimed wood like furniture and Mike Horton Mike hey yeah they always focus yet have one thing that's her focus and talk about the farm theme and then it's like okay that's one part you have a schedule of when the wedding starts will know you have to fires right back yeah we are our buddy Damien is what employer just left yeah why would she stay for the wedding that's crazy I mean it was just like what it was a point where it's like I shouldn't be the most organized person at this wedding for what's about to happen it was like it's so crazy how people do not take their job seriously like that's Ivan Mike seriously that's just like basic level stuff that's that I don't care how anxious you get or how you're worried you are like showing up is half the battle if additional forethought either live like maybe this will happen and I'll have to do this anyways I cut you off about being efficient while you're running or something oh so we think of like big ideas right now have the everybody goes I want to do this when you learn another language this year or some like that and then becomes is over you never get to start a lot a lot of that is to start just just go okay and turning everything off 20 minutes after to start and it doesn't matter when whenever that 20 minutes is over or I I find it a break then that'll be it but a lot of people don't do that part and so you get to this overwhelming idea you've had in your hand we've got to do a pitch deck that this is why this is where I came up with that window pitched Atkins become this this huge snowball] but what I don't want to be is a Florida snowball will eventually just melts you never do it that that's the terms the term is Laura snowball however bad okay for look for businesspeople it's like murders but but I have come join us for economy sake it's not that funny that that witty but I'm saying like find me a better term for that I got your diet is as we've had a lot of that we want we want to do a lot of improvements for the show and it's like yeah when we want to get a wife or behind us we would have a digital we want to have a screen over here we can see our live reads or any of that stuff and then have a playback monitor so we can see ourselves but like you don't have to redo the 1000 other Arabia comes this thing that you never get to and so it's it's tough yeah and the longer you go the bigger it seems in sunny bigger than exacerbated in the beginning exactly that's what the snowball and then support a snowball because it just it just don't do it ever yeah you know we we we get a lot of stuff done to all of say objectively we get a lot of stuff done that we do say working to try to do it takes a while but at the same time I listen to so many people because we have so many startups and immature businesses and people asking for advice on time wheat we did have a lot of people that just never ever never ever get around to it some more efficient so how do we do that just starting that are this that but that's my advice for a lot of stuff that you even if you're just curious about some just try to start doing it yet all be afraid of the unknown I think I think you don't know what's coming with their big project you may dislike off while I don't I don't need to know any of that because it's too scary but once you go get into it and you can lay it all out front yourself and you always know what you're up against yeah and and suck at something and try that light all the time right like I want it I do want to go shoot bows for some reason I think I'm going the opposite direction to some keyboards off now I know I've I have a hankering for I want to I want to race cars only not dry stick in a and I want I like to occur I want to go bow hunting like legit bow hunting one day like the shipper you have to be awesome shape to do it yeah like you have to run mountains carrier pack into the woods right right sleep there I don't know why though I've never done I've race like go carts when I was little but neither really I don't have any experience with I just really hit your primal instinct kicking in yeah because them the software I'm getting this note and paler as you can see on video sitting in the office you know of the more I want to go to the other thing yeah go play football now I hear you it's weird that you like I do feel like I do weightlifting for that sort of adrenaline's worship but even that's like wearing on me now righteously I get it done it does have the same endorphin rush that used to go it is used to it that would be the number one thing I'd say if you want to be more efficient you should try to get in shape just like whatever that is for you you want to get like talking II think people do the four snowball word you get this thing were like I've got to get to this kind of yeah body build and when you don't get there after March I think I think Jim's make most of their money in January February oh it's my favorite time of the year seeing all the new faces that come in next week and then by spring break their own, yet each way before that if you had a month yeah because I mean you know I I'm going to the same gym at the same time almost every day I see the same people would you go funk at 5 AM so it's like that that's us different commitment to like yeah but I just don't like being around it's only been in the crowded gym like having to wait on things really you know having a lot of people around yeah what's not really I mean if she if you want at 5 PM and be to be a zoo the worst yes you know and that's what a lot of people do the word about how they're looking at the gym but if you like as cheesy as it is it is good to throw down some goals and like really be specific about it like no for me I need to be able to get I need to stretch and I need to get more flexible and I need to do like yoga once a month at least yeah if not once a week yeah stretching is the number one thing for you making yourself feel good right and I that I know it and I don't do it and it's really it's a comedian self-destructive kind of mind to not go yeah I know but only to just sit in the chair all day yeah it's that they need the stretching desk used applicable to believe they got I think you got some bites I mean no just I just need to not be an acyl and then take 20 minutes and go do it I mean you've got the 20 minutes I know you are it's there the panic sets in I got to get stuff done I can get it while I would get everything done over the long haul if I feel better yeah Chris's days were your body hurts so bad that you're not it is not efficient yeah and the 20 minutes you're using to stretch is not necessarily productive 20 minutes maybe it's something that you're to mess around if you know you have 20 minutes I want to take this a bit picked that right right out due to many an afternoon of design if you get down that rabbit hole like just moving it up and down like to position something yeah with a layer on Photoshop or something you can do that for an hour I know I've been trapped in the matrix for a week on the same ship what I do now is I just go I Fokker what am I trying to do here and then will I been using my watch I literally got yes my doing put your timer on your watch then when it goes off will vibrate at the hands on that another thing I but I think one of the things to be efficient other sleep hygiene's huge I don't like calling it that what we do sleep hygiene I've never heard that oh yeah I've only heard it in my brushing teeth before bed is that of podcast commercials for Casper Leah has for what's up yes going on what you you and Squarespace need to get you should together special Squarespace, Squarespace clearly woo hoo leaving Unilever sites I can reel off right now maybe that's why the wood was pitch about them not being a spy know we never went out we got it to say what's up hey hey hey keep saying Squarespace over and over in the Dragon dictate will pick up on it yeah if you do like these episodes are try to find some keywords were we do try to drop the audio files in Dragon dictate and put in the blog post will get better at it one Suite 120 once we calibrate yes or floors leases it'll be a lot better but for now it is what it is anyway sleep hygiene that's a made-up term by right that's the old yeah that's marketing copy but it's now I've heard it I heard their first in the nets, sleep down well like that is it is it just get enough sleep is that what they're talking so with that rally app it has like little baby goals you can do and I will send you notifications like remember to have like a regular bedtime I will have that remember to shut off all devices like you can and you can check got away with it you can well it will keep you up and it's and I know like I'm trying to think about outside I wonder how many good hours I have in a day like what's my peak right six on like on my laptop you know firstly beer for work and like what's diminishing returns .0 yeah working so it's like if I'm on more than six maybe eight I'm probably it's probably not can work yeah get it in your brain will that's why I try to get on the spin bike or due or work out I'll try to answer emails because at least it feels like I'm doing some claim emails or can be asked anyway you know a lot of it's like yeah Guido hey were here whenever yes you want to meet up it's a lot of that kind of stuff that I try to follow up on but that I need to be more efficient that's one of my things like cluster all these nonurgent if you heard of I is I think Scott Eisenhower it may have to look this up Eisenhower matrix okay if I get this right out on the field very very very business smart basically you put things in the four buckets indigo is a real thing yeah sweet alright so I did learn some business school so you have important and urgent if you have non-urgent and important you have urgent not important which I don't one of those two I don't get in that urgent not important doesn't make sense like what would be urgent that you don't like the sun born that's I think that's when I get conversions of bathroom so my dad I thank you again for like listening to the price of examples and then not important not urgent and you I always forget like to state the power of note, stuff like you got put some stuff in that bucket right a lot of that stuff doesn't matter like trying to like trying to go on fiber and getting something we are done to embarrass my fantasy football friend yeah that I used to do this but is that not important for your mental health but it doesn't it's a waste of time a lot of the time it takes like an hour like a better hour I can spend in some else but doesn't make you happy marginally knows what's the risk reward right so this is all business, logic basic business logic basic pitch business logic real talk but but like it is doing some of the fight OMG I'm constantly, think about like am I wasting this is my best our right we always talk about with clients ago trite working try to get your whole group at the best dollar per hour the rat right right this does make sense for the boss to be doing some of these little things unless that's the only person you know that can really do you so like you have a small business the boss may be the person that actually comes in and cleans up stuff because they're managing everybody else doing the actual work you know I just think about that a lot I don't I don't I don't know the answer what I know that's up to can always come to think about what's my best dollar per hour in this discounts at home to like what's the but you know is it worth watching Netflix do I need to watch it right you know yet to fall asleep when I just turn off and try it out trying to sleep earlier yeah but then you won't know how picky blinders ends than what PT finds it's been on there forever unlike you all get to that year and I'll get to that now I'm still stuck on the punisher and I lie liked it the punisher of all my God I had a plan in the background for like a day and I was traumatized yeah the little violent exactly yeah yeah that's the punisher dialogue kinda sucks to it's and yeah it's a lot of cheesy ship yeah I mean it's going to be that the guy the guy who plays Frank Castle is pretty good yeah he's a good I didn't want to like him but he was on the walking dead so never so yeah don't that's this is my wife's litmus test for if you're a good judge of TV like the walking dead PCS really yeah dude it's not good anyways I out I want to see Dunkirk that's more me I want to see that stuff you haven't seen it real life stuff so be more efficient 2018 how about some productivity apps release can do that right some so you get the Apple Lodge maybe you got some, smartwatch I think Samsung has a good one now I don't know all the ins and outs of it if anybody does have any hacks send it our way or comment on this post I mean just the stuff that comes with the Apple watch timers and things for stretching I use the time countdown timer all the time yeah all that stuff masturbation right where you get caught kind of things conventional yeah oh you will get it to the point hold it building to something called hope it's like what's the is it I don't Braveheart hello Canada hello been doing a lot of war movies may be maybe Troy thinking of but either way like wheat we been doing you got a live scribe pen and notebook the other Bluetooth pen you like and it yeah is in the during the call we are on a day so my phone's dead so have you linked it up though so it can discover your text learn change your handwriting into text yeah it's all that's I mean mine is standard with that I guess here's a little bit older mines an older model but it the software doesn't now my handwriting's like a ransom note so it's kind of tough I got a calibrate that between Dragon dictate and that in in this because I do like right I like writing it will help me memorize stuff I don't I also don't want to write too much in a meeting because of not avoid paying attention so try to write like you know bullet points Rob Eli: let me write this down right now go yeah the writing of the net with your hands to even if I want to call Illinois like I have things I can write down Evernote you like I can write it that you type it in but is not the same as writing it with my hand for some reason and will not just for me either one thing I got back to is and this is a little bit duplicative and I need to figure this out is hey I want to find an app to do list app that my wife and I can see it just reminds us of certain stuff yet get wonder list W you and is not good you're so I don't so I don't know if that's good for home right will like we have our grocery list on there it's linked up if you have sent me an even bigger store but put it on there you have a referral code that's another thing for if were given out stuff you might as well you know if you go in your app the Avenue for a friend white check that out about our syllabus for you but you got all kinds of goods I want to get down to the point were nonessential grocery items I want those to come in automatically through we have shipped here I want my dog food baby formula I liked him diapers all these things that we know we need we could probably your mark every enough three weeks we need this and then I don't worry about it Lucian do you want to go the grocery store yeah you can do Amazon subscription services we do for diapers or yeah we we might we might do that just because it is like those things that set like milk those things that that site where symbols or kinases on me when I get or meat that you will look at if I go to the grocery store but yet all the other ship but it's yeah it's that when you don't have drivers it's T-shirt time yeah and the guessers T-shirts are using dads but I mean like it's that thing of okay what are these little hats I can do it at half at home in the office to help out I don't like the Alexa she oh shoot you she she will gotta pay Alexa baby she doesn't like ISR she's up to sleep with one eye open always you know I don't want one of those at my house honestly yeah how was freaking out my family over Christmas tone of my in like dirt there is already news articles that these things are orb taken the data of what you're saying to put into advertise hell yeah they are I mean if you think that if you think it doesn't listen until you say hey Lexa how did you hear you say hey Alexa it's listening before like what what yeah I'm here real talk pretend I'm truly been the we have back pain we even paid $50 for that it it's either that technology is either worth like a thousand to five straight up or it's like I did know Samsung phones the whole business model is so that Google can get all that data to try to target you yes that's what the phones are so cheap yeah all that technology so cheap yeah I heard I heard that on want to say Rogan's podcasts talking some someone with tech guys like this month but it was like oh yeah that makes perfect sense why would Samsung dominate the market for cell phones that's like the 660 6065% now between women Apple and like 00 they lowered the price in there to make it up in the backend and no one realizes yeah apples do the same thing but they they don't have the straight line date to Google you know apples they love the same infrastructure yet to capitalize on rule yeah right the immediate civilian way right today sent streamlined right into their own entity but anyways I don't have a wonder list referral sales then we give you I don't know all these hello anyway here's here's another little thing pretty much any app you use if you're given and now they usually have a refer a friend discount so if it's one of these monthly subscription you pay for apps I I had to train myself to do this but like all we oh for sales the business development if you want to like a good dashboard you should check out this Pipe Dr., Apple use it gives you visual kind of a marketing funnel that you know who's interested who you talk to you're trying to close on and I just like that visual and I got a hold on let me go get that referral code not send it out as it is being like yours that you know yeah and then you get a month off or whatever Lumley Weber will if we find one I'll put it in the notes a wonder list that's good for home I'd say because I rumor checking for business insight on the distal do what I needed to do yeah I mean it's it's a straightforward passage projects right yeah with before I forget with live scribe you can ping it to Evernote the idea was to take a bloop Bluetooth painter talk about correct thinking live scribe and then you and there's moleskin notebooks if you like those by the way the Bluetooth notebooks never thought about that the hardbound ones but I may have ever thought about if I like moleskin you don't pull some people like him I used to write all my jokes and those because they that they had the how many moles had to die a lot when cares man don't make don't make it what is it two don't make a molehill and no mountain mountain and moleskin sober song or draw an arrow to Evernote an elephant never forgets that's their logo so what you can do is it'll transfer your handwriting into text and you can make a punch list that can automatically go to is Indu which is our business test manager that we haven't been using this once I got offkilter at that it is hard to we can afford so they they do turn it it's you get ADD with apps is always one better well yeah if you never learn how to use more than 25% of then it's not really smart but then you can take that punchlist and you can also hit it over to our project management system which is right WRI K which also can communicate to all these can communicate slack because Slack isn't just for chatting that should be our communication hub notifications all that stuff you so now we have now rebuilding this kind of like coverage in case something messes up right see what I if I heard this I would think men adding four apps would be more efficient and it sounds like it's it's overwhelming itself is not efficient but if you spend a little bit of time and get it right then it's automated from there on out and your love what I write philosophically a look at this way right like we got to figure this out to get and I was talk that always tell us what clients were doing like operations permittivity stuff it's going to be a little bit harder before it gets easier right right so it's gonna suck right now what we should what you and I should be doing is creating a map over our whiteboard in figuring out this like efficiency I want to do it, right after we get off in a couple minutes so at least we just started the Sally called back later no doesn't the right it was amazing call back just start will just started her money word-of-mouth is that we can't be dispensing advice and disco funk it's theater of the mind law is a joke it do it anything else to be more productive in 2018 anything that's been on your mind yeah okay so the other app that I use a lot I used to wonder list for dislike my daily I got to do this today I have a today list do this this is right then I have an app called habit list and that one allows you to just put in something like stretching you put in stretching I want to do I want to stretch be very times a week yeah and then when you do it that they the little button and it's in there and it keeps track of whether or not you're you're keeping up with your habits so I use it for all kinds lifting weights running in all the stuff that it's like you can cut and get away from you to Billy was last time I did do that and then you might pray five times a day right things pop an awful time you know it's easy to get away from your habits and remembering what you what makes you feel good you know way if you can't quantify it really none I members I need to quantify I was thinking of anytime I sit here make me feel good that I think of a monstrous ball don't know you Halle Berry I remember telling Bob Thorton yeah maybe feel right yeah nailed it I hope that I hope that production meeting Ernest Billings brush notes in the tally very low what would what would you know that I don't know do it with a male voice like you don't know it's a like gritty draining yeah what habit list is good I I've tried that at one point again I need vocalize almost outside like externally and go okay I'll get it download this app only use it yet is almost like 19 knee was a 90% of apps or something that or downloaded open once never used again see the good thing about habilis I think it pay for things like two or three bucks even then should shoot in the sky man I was looking at all the subscriptions I had for here in home this week and was like on to here's a user one trim if you're that yeah it's not sample site but it is no it basically you know if you're comfortable with putting in if people like mint were you can kind aggregate all your transactions and it'll note, more or less over time as you check things off it's good for your taxes to it'll be like you're spending way too much in meals I and so that's a good kind – four for that trim will look up your cable bill in all your stuff so you got put in the your banking account I did from this place are checking in our credit card for here and it was little go oh you're paying too much for frontier yeah a little one we negotiate some better for you oh yeah and so dates for you so they make a little vague if they get that negotiation okay that's out that's how they make money and it does it all on its own how does it I don't know I haven't gotten to the point were were actually negotiating but that that's the big cell and apparently like you guys know the deal with all the cable or Internet providers you basically especially with cable TV you can basically talk a minute like given it to you for a dollar yeah if if use if you're tenacious enough and I guess this cuts, cuts that yes yours with I'm done with you and then the negotiations begin hey want one thing you should get from your Internet provider and that's on my punch list is better router because these things suck after like a year of use and they become outdated so you can call Bob Ingo hey I need to upgrade the router and the going anyone in the you be like well Wi-Fi is now a lot better yeah and they probably want that because they've got a deal with the router company Macon Chittenden Nate takers back recycle it yeah making money will the region have to ask is because you don't they don't want you to use more bandwidth than you have to probably so I would say the reverse I would say like because if you look at your upload download speed that states you pay for hundred and hundred whatever that deal is your upload speeds always a lot slower on Wi-Fi and most people on Wi-Fi free hardline that's the only way we get 100 hundred yeah so like so I don't think it behooves them to be able to move more data from here like net neutrality is, that the whole thing yeah but the new router might be more efficient on the island and they can listen to your calls bitter over where the hell yeah yeah that to thanks the dirty side of them probably want to stop greater routers yeah the mean there's there's this as it will never get the answer to that herself utilize 100 other stuff in coaxial cables that can listen you now you know that I didn't know the rest will have those yeah will you have to have the cable to get I guess at coaxial cable to get the Internet in your house a lot of time and then people either have like old ones left there from last person or but I don't know where that is in that I don't think it's around like very prevalent I just think it's a plague in South Korea where everything is technically and I terms and conditions man those things are to get something to happen with that because there's just too much sneaky ship that people are signing up for an advantage of everybody it's great that there needs to be a law enacted that says it can only be this long or whatever which I think they try to do a couple times and they work around it was too long with thrilling and that's about all politicians do they just go what is this you can you write you guys read this for me yeah you're right actually need law to make that will to make laws shorter and then once that's in than they do for some time as a country okay well look we had glory years here in the US this is a sad day for good we had a good run what's what's get some music going out Remer at tax time is coming up hit up hello freshman school fresh books.com/let like you sweat to get hooked up but you feel good and you want to say anything to the peeps have a happy new year people don't make a New Year's resolution just try to be good take a lifestyle every day wonder list habit list all that list we'll see Israeli