#lowkey there were those scenes where it was just sad tho... like their home life was so rough

[cowboy-anon]

Thinking about the movie The Black Phone (2021)........

[thesomberfest]

Star Wars: Timestamps and Thoughts; The Empire Strikes Back

Salutations to all. Welcome back to my blog thing? Anyways today is the one and only The Empire Strikes Back which I think may be the most iconic Star Wars movie. But, don’t quote me on that. I’m only saying that as someone who has heard about Star Wars movies from the outside and honestly out of all the movies The Empire Strikes Back is the one movie I’ve always heard about; name-wise. I don’t think I know any spoilers about this movie, so we’ll see. I’m new to this and I don’t know what I’m doing so please have mercy and help a sister out, thanks. I have some idea based on what the movie is about based on the name but I’ll just take what Disney Plus tells me. I honestly have nothing to say. Should I start writing predictions before writing the timestamps and writing my reaction if I’m right or wrong based on the last movie I watched. Does that make sense? I can’t think of any other way to word it differently but if it makes sense then okay, let’s continue. This isn’t a prediction but um is this the movie where Luke finds about his parentage? Or is it a bit too early? Am I too early? Oh well. While adding timestamps I thought it would be a cool idea to add a “Favorite Scene” section under my “Final Thoughts” sections, I hope y’all like it.

03/9 Edit: Y’all sorry this is late but tomorrow is my birthday and I decided to not do my schoolwork and instead watch Star Wars and write. Before y’all get any ideas: yes. I am in fact still a minor. thanks. 04/3 edit: I AM SORRY THIS IS LATE I HAVE NO EXCUSE

Movie: Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Release Date: 1980

Summary(?): So obviously the Empire is going to strike back right? And Luke has to find Yoda to learn the ways of the Force? No? Oh and a final show down with Vader? Am I wrong again?

Warning: spoilers (yea no duh bibi) and mild language on my part

Timestamps

00:00:06- 20th Century Fox is here, hello.

00:00:22- the words on the screen have made an appearance

00:01:41- the iconic words have left, bye-bye

00:04:28- Han Solo

00:04:43- It’s Chewie

00:05:04- Ya’ll it’s my queen Leia. She’s looking badder than ever

00:05:22- so the guy we first saw was in fact Luke, whoops.

00:05:40- Han is leaving? What about Leia? Am I missing something?

00:06:00- Okay so I’m convinced that something happened between Han and Leia, right? She looks pissed, he also looks pissed. Uhhh...

00:06:03- Oh shoot, she called out his name and went after him.

00:06:27- the way Leia feels about him? Sexual tension?

00:06:34- does Han want Leia to admit she has feelings for him? Does she have feelings for him?

00:06:42- “Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a good-bye kiss?”- woah there Han

00:06:47- yeah, something did happen. I’m calling it

00:06:53- YES 3PO and R2

00:07:12- Oh shoot, Han doesn’t want to talk to Leia no more

00:07:19- ain’t nobody know where Luke is

00:08:06- aw Han said Luke is his friend. Character development

00:08:36- um is that Luke being hanged upside down?

00:08:47- uh oh, it’s the abominable snowman, let’s uh call him Yeti for short

00:09:00- Lukie-boy that might be a bad idea 

00:09:34- he’s using the Force to get the lightsaber, nice

00:09:40- oh no, the Yeti noticed

00:09:48- he got the Lightsaber yayy

00:09:50- did he just cut off Yeti’s arm???

00:10:00- run forest run

00:10:40- aw R2 :( I want to give them a hug

00:11:58- Leia looks really nervous. Uh-oh

00:12:53- I’m sorry but Chewie wailing/crying a few minutes earlier makes me sad.

00:13:42- omg Yoda? Han found Luke I repeat he found Luke

00:15:16- I wondered where they filmed or if this was effects or something.

00:16:01- are they going to be found? oh I hope so

00:16:13- yay! Found at last!

00:16:35- i’m sorry. is that a man baby???

00:16:48- oh wait was that man baby Luke? Oh god i kinda feel bad now

00:17:02- aww Luke and Han. Their friendship gives me life (junior)

00:17:05- my queen!!!!

00:17:15- ok but seriously what happened between Han and Leia? I know something happened.

00:17:25- I know Han did not just call my boy Chewie a FUZZBALL, please

00:17:31- alone? South passage? was that when Han claimed he was leaving? Her TRUE FEELINGS

00:17:50- why does Luke look sad? Is it... is it because HE HAS FEELINGS FOR HER???

00:17:58- (lets out a female lead in horror movie scream) OH MY GOD. I KNEW A KISS WAS TO HAPPEN BUT SO SOON? AND ON THE MOUTH WITH A PEANUT GALLERY LEIA HAS SOME BALLS. SO IT WAS NOT A PECK LIKE I’D ASSUMED HUH OMG tho I feel bad for Luke ‘cause (i think) she only did it to spite Han also if my math is correct IT WAS FOUR SECONDS LONG. But like is this the only kiss between the two or is there more cause ummm...... AREN’T THEY RELATED? SIBLINGS? TWINS I THINK? *Sweet Home Alabama now playing*

00:18:13- why why does he look so smug? also Han about to kill Luke a man

00:19:14- idk what’s happening

00:19:18- pew pew

00:19:44- THE IMPERIAL MARCH omgg yess... I live for the movies music

00:20:32- oh no, the music ended

00:20:38- wait nvm it’s continuing we stand

00:20:40- breathing problems much?

00:20:52- It’s Darth Vader

00:21:47- wait, didn’t he (Luke) almost die? shouldn’t he like oh I don’t know RESTING?!

00:22:47- have i mentioned that I live for the Imperial March? ‘cause I love it

00:23:39- OH

00:23:51- he really dying in the background huh

00:23:57- so he’s like dead, right?

00:24:02- what’s happening? Are they gonna go against Vader?

00:24:12- what the hell is a stardestroyer?

00:24:44- i’ve been told the dark side has cookies so uh peace out. If you would like to reach me please send me a letter via mail. thanks.

00:25:39- once again shouldn’t Luke be resting???

00:25:53- aww I want those binoculars. Is that what they’re called? Idk but I want one

00:26:05- what the hell are Imperial Walkers?

00:26:27- oh. are those Imperial Walkers? Those robot-looking dogs? omg I thought they were talking about Stormtroopers.

00:26:30- laser beam robot doggies did not hesitate

00:26:40- aw look at Luke being leadership material

00:27:09- wow these walkers are slow huh as to be expected

00:27:50- OH NO DAK bruhh nooo

00:28:09- are those robot dogs really gonna win?

00:28:21- LANDING? You mean Vader isn’t even fighting down there? Is he going to join? Or just find Luke and kidnap him and spill the beans? Or is that just my active imagination running too far?

00:28:39- the music...*beautiful*

00:28:58- tying the feet and tripping the doggies seems to be the moves huh

00:29:15- ooh and face first into the snow. how embarrassing...

00:29:20- I just know someone is losing their job or life like that one dude from before

00:30:18- i like the explosions

00:30:52- while one of the those little planes fall i’m sitting here thinking: most book/movie/tv shows that have the whole two sides thing (good vs bad) there always seems to be a traitor which makes me wonder if the good guys have a traitor? possible plot? idk, we’ll see won’t we?

00:31:18- the way these little doggies walk keep reminding me of some eerie Tim Burton movie and idk whyyy

00:33:04- two robot doggies down one more to go

00:33:25- man I just know someone from the Dark Force is gonna be dead fired

00:34:08- are those stormtroopers? They run funny

00:34:12- Darth Vader!

00:34:45- wait i’m dumb. did Vader invade the building/camp they were hiding at?

00:35:18- what does Vader want exactly? Princess Leia? Luke? the so-called “rebel plans”? What am I missing?

00:35:42- they really said: “peace out”

00:36:30- not regrouping? and what the hell is the Dagobah system?

00:37:30- did two ships just crash?

00:39:10- the music really makes this asteroid field detour awesome

00:40:25- did they--did they just go in a asteroid? Orr..?

00:41:18- and just what the hell is Luke thinking? he putting my baby R2 in distress?

00:42:04- where in the HELL are they?

00:42:21- did my baby R2 just fall in the water? Can he even swim? Is it safe? Is he going to die? Idc how cute Luke is, I will hurt him if 2D dies!

00:42:33- what. how is R2 okay? I thought--

00:42:53- Is that R2 whistling?

00:42:57- oh god, is that Nessie? oh no--

00:43:10- OH MY GOODNESS DID NESSIE JUST EAT MY BABY R2 WHAT THE FUC--

00:43:41- R2 MY BABY WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU

00:44:01- YEA LUKE it was a bad idea going there! You put my sweet summer child R2 in danger! He almost got eaten as dinner!

00:44:18- ughhh the music is just AMAZINGGGG

00:44:38- whose brain is that? Is that what’s left of Mr. Anakin Skywalker? ooh now that I think about: what does Darth Vader look behind the helmet? I feel dumb for never thinking about that

00:45:34- hey you leave my man 3PO alone Solo

00:45:46- oh did Leia just fall into Han’s arms? ooh

00:45:56- “Captain, being held by you isn’t quite enough to get me excited” Leia woke up and choose violence 

00:46:56- oh OH Luke is looking for Yoda?

00:47:22- omg it’s YODA

00:47:48- man idk but lighting does wonders for Lukie-babe

00:48:26- is Yoda mocking Luke? ‘Cause I’m here for it

00:48:57- why is Luke lowkey being a pushover?

00:49:09- I KNOW Yoda isn’t hitting my baby R2 with a STICK the disrespect I-

00:49:56- at this point Yoda is just pulling on their legs for kicks and giggles huh

00:51:02- oh? alone? Leia and Han? my oh my

00:51:30- oh so now they hand-holding?

00:51:50- OMG when did they get so close to one another? I’m nervous

00:52:00- KISSING KISSING KISSING I REPEAT LEIA AND HAN ARE KISSING OH MY

00:52:04- ofc it’s 3PO to be the one to interrupt the kiss

00:52:14- oop-- Leia just left the crime scene. She’s going to pretend it never happened isn’t she?

00:53:04- wait. Vader isn’t emperor? Someone else is omg. I’m so dumb eye-

00:53:07- ew his side profile is not so good

00:53:10- the front is even uglier 

00:53:23- “young rebel”? my bby boy Luke?

00:53:25- “offspring of Anakin Skywalker”? wait a damn minute. Isn’t Vader oh idk ANAKIN SKYWALKER? Does that “emperor” guy not know? Or have I been lied to? WHAT AM I MISSING?

00:53:57- does this mean Anakin is considered to be a different person from Vader? I’m confused, someone explain please!

00:54:00- “could be turned”? say like Kylo? *dun dun dun* orr am I thinking too far?

00:54:16- “master”? you mean to tell me that Vader isn’t even the one pulling the strings? how embarrassing...

00:54:34- WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE R2 IN THE COLD RAIN?!

00:56:07- Luke my beauty dumbass just realized that Yoda was with the whole time

00:59:19- What is it?

00:59:29- Mynocks

00:59:35- oh hell no. I’m out

01:01:39- satan works hard but man does Luke work harder

01:01:57- “skinny boys are still the best oh i love when they slam and sweat.”-- Jack Off Jill, Lollirot (jolly good song) this one sentence describes it all :)

01:04:19- idk what’s happening but man does he look good. How long until y’all get tired of me simping over Luke?

01:04:40- wait WAIT THE FINAL SHOWDOWN IS IN THE FOREST? I THOUGHT-- I WAS TOLD--HOLD UP

01:05:01- but like, why it feel fake? Is this a dream? 

01:05:09- OH--[luke just decapitated Vader I-]

01:05:20- wait. it couldn’t have been that easy. This feels wrong-

01:05:29- omg. it’s luke! Wait what does this mean?

01:05:50- when i enter a room I would like the Imperial March to play, thanks.

01:06:26- uh, is that Boba Fett? If not I’m so sorry I’m new.

01:06:52- y’all I have a cofession to make: I have a fear of driving and my mother is forcing me to. How does this relate to the movie? Well, Han is steering the ship(?) so...

01:09:16- titanic part two?

01:10:31- my poor baby luke

01:11:37- luke please don’t give up :(

01:12:32- my man yoda showing up luke huh

01:13:35- uh oh. just like the first guy, he dead too. they’re just dropping like flies huh

01:16:05- and another kiss. a small peck, luke.

01:16:34- so is that Boba Fett or not? someone tell me please.

01:16:38- someone please run my baby R2 a bath

01:16:44-y’all the only time I can do a handstand is when I’m underwater (fun fact: i don’t like the pool)

01:16:51-[R2 is being levitated rn] if he falls and BREAKS into tiny pieces i’m quitting star wars

01:17:28- R2 good, he good “... I saw a city in the clouds.” you mean heaven?

01:17:37- “friends you have there” THEY’RE ALL GOING TO DIE WAIT--

01:19:50- they’ve [leia, han, chewie, 3PO] landed they’re safe, for now (i think)

01:20:25- [chewie replying “gahh!” to han] tell me why I laughed. I actually laughed like Chewie made a joke oh my...

01:20:34- uh oh [some dude just called han a slime(y)]

01:20:49- [they’re hugging now?] oh, wait. so they good now? or is this a joke?

01:22:01- i like the interior design of the building

01:22:49- [3PO gets blown up I think] what the hell just happened? 

01:25:13- he’s not coming back is he? [luke left to save han and leia]

01:26:13- finally. someone save 3PO or what’s left of him also I like leia’s new hairstyle it’s pretty

01:26:44- was 3PO decapitated? dismembered?!

01:26:55- good for chewie to fight for the parts of 3PO hopefully it’s all of his parts

01:27:35- my man 3PO in a box freaking dismembered and Lando out here flirting? 

01:28:30- what the hell? [its vader sitting at the head of the table] wait did Lando say a deal? as in turning in the princess? I--this is all happening so fast

01:28:41- [han and co. are now surrounded by boba fett and troopers] i bet they wished they’d stayed back in their rooms huh

01:30:31- oh so i’m assuming it was a stormtrooper who shot 3PO. what are they doing to han? omg is han being cooked alive?

01:31:33- wait I thought boba fett was a good guy? what the fvck.

01:32:05- what happened to han? mans looks traumatized 

01:32:34- oh leia...

01:34:14- i had also assumed all these years that vader was top boss and now i’m being told about some emperor guy? what 

01:35:18- i don’t understand why does boba fett want with han so bad? it can’t just be money, can it?

01:35:54- oh and another kiss and with an even bigger peanut gallery

01:38:22- what’s gonna happen to han now?

01:40:30- wait, is this where the showdown happens?

01:41:06- why is vader (his breathing) so loud?

01:41:10- OMG red vs. blue lightsaber

01:41:19- so this is it

01:42:01- oh, is lando helping them? does he feel guilty?

01:42:17- [chewie is currently choking the life out of lando] fuck yeah chewie

01:43:14- oh thank god R2 & 3PO have reunited once more

01:43:34- is it too late to save han now?

01:44:01- [back to the showdown, luke just lost his lightsaber] uh--this is why you never get too cocky too early, luke

01:44:27- [luke just flew?!] did he just fly like superman? what

01:44:31- who’s the emperor? I had assumed it was vader but i’m being told it isn’t?????

01:44:56- this showdown is a beautiful fight and those lightsabers are freaking cool 

01:46:15- it’s a beautiful dance and the Imperial March is giving me chills

01:46:32- [vader is throwing random objects at luke] aw that’s cheating. and nobody likes a cheater.

01:46:42- luke just flew out the window oh wait he good, now i think

01:47:12- hold up I just realized that they (han, chewie, leia) put 3PO in a fishnet bag (?) chewie really running around with 3PO like a backpack

01:47:49- [the citizens (?) are running] i’m getting titanic vibes and idk if i like it 

01:49:17- i hate to say it but these stormtroopers have really bad aim.

01:50:26- [vader just cut off luke’s hand] *shock* I-omg. He just did that. But, at the same time, I now understand the ERB Harry Potter v. Luke Skywalker so much more, make sense.

01:51:08- “father”? oh my...

01:51:17- “i am your father” oh my god. people this is not a drill, it happened, it happening uhh---

01:51:28- i feel so bad for luke. he looks like he’s about cry.

01:51:41- probs a bad time but luke’s kinda an ugly crier

01:52:14- [luke just fell & left vader standing] luke really said “i’d rather die”

01:54:04- wait, how does leia know where luke is? this some kind of force thing? maybe twin thing?

01:54:37- oh thank god they found luke

01:58:01- does vader care for luke? I mean probably not a lot since he DID chop off his sons own hand so idk

02:01:58- credits/the end

Final Thoughts? Wow. No yeah, I totally understand why Empire Strikes Back is a loved by all. It was amazing. I understand why it’s so talked about. This movie is beautiful; Leia/Han romance, 3PO and R2 banter, the good action. The soundtrack-THE SOUNDTRACK is SPECTACULAR and I would often fins myself rewinding scenes just to listen to the music. The visuals were so striking and appealing and it really showed during the showdown between luke and vader. 

Favorite Scene? Luke meeting Yoda and not knowing that Yoda was Yoda and every scene that included the Imperial March in the background.

If you have made it this far, thank you. I hope none of you people get tired of me fangirling over the Imperial March whilst simultaneously simping over Luke. Thank you for joining me on my adventure of watching Star Wars for the first time. If there’s any grammar mistakes I apologize. Also I got a cute R2 lego keychain from the lego store. Also if you want leave some comments I’m lowkey lonely. Thank you once again for joining me.

x bibi

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[mazojo]

Cinderella Phenomenon Thoughts

*Heavy sigh*

B O I

Soooo, for the past two weeks I have been deeply entranced with the otome of Cinderella Phenomenon recommended by my beautiful friend @ladykateofhousebeaumont (thank you queen for having me play this masterpiece, I am blessedddd) and I have many thoughts I need to get out of my system because

b o i

anyways spoilers below soOOo beware

Can I start by talking about Lucette’s evolution went because

Home girl went from being the most hated on the land to understanding her toxic behavior through her different suitors and coming to the realization her mom was very toxic and growing from that. Truly, poetic cinema at its finest.

Also hi yes, my favorite character (apart from the suitors which ill talk about in a minute) was Delora. Like you cannot tell me she isn't totally Lucette’s adoptive mother. Like, hi? yes? I need some napkins for my teARS. Delora is the mother figure Lucette never had and Lucette represents the daughter Delora had and Hildyr killed and I just.... ugh, my emotions 

Also, is it bad I lowkey wanted a Garlan route?? lmaooo he was so cute with Jurien and I love me some soft shy boys and asdfghhgfds, like I shipped him with Jurien and all but Garlan I luv you too ;w;

Anyways, the boys, I will comment on them from my least favorite to my most favorite, so bare with my screaming as it will become louder and louder, i’ll also include the highlight of some CGs and a song that reminds me of the pairing because I don't have anything better to do aasdfghjhgfd

Rumpel

Lets start with doctor boi. To be honest when I saw the pictures of the guys in the downloading page I thought my favorites would be Rumpel and Waltz (I mean, I got one of those right lmao) because he wears glasses and home girl loves loves lovessss glasses. Then with his first interaction with Lucette It was very meH to be honest. He is just not my type and I would rather have Rumpel as a friend, although he did gave me quite a couple of laughs when he interacted with Karma lol.

His ending cg is brutal tho, his along Rod’s are the most heartbreaking ending CG’s (even though his ending in of itself wasn't the worst in my opinion because I wasn't too attached to him).

Anyways in short, Rumpel, flirty doctor boi. with good heart even though you roll your eyes at half the things he says xD

“And I wish that you could see. Oh, what you do to me, and I hope this letter covers everything. I'm yours, sincerely me” - Sincerely Me, Artist vs. Poet

“And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be, right in front of me, talk some sense to me” - I found, Amber Run

Fritz/Varg

Oh boi, baby Boy Fritz. The only reason why Fritz isn't higher is because throughout his route I felt like I don't get to know much about Fritz in of itself but rather Varg, but the little we get to see Fritz I find adorable. He was one of the routes I was most excited on playing because he was adorable in the other routes, always looking out to protect Lucette and he always did <33

And Varg. To be completely honest I kinda liked him at the beginning but not much, the moment I trully fell for him was at the end when he gave up himself to let Fritz be with Lucette. Boooooi that scene where he says Fritz would never deserve her but he still wants her to be happy asdfghj broke me. 

Like in the end even though I liked Fritz and Varg individually a lot, I feel like there wasn't enough time with either to come on higher in the list and thats the only reason why he is number 4, but I still love them very much ;w;

Also like, the good ending?? its like the saddest one?? I mean yeah, they got to be together and what not but my home girl Delora dies?? and Parfait?? no magic? hello? I cried so much? asdfghjkl Truly the most angsty ending by far and I just..... Can they be happy pls? </3

Also as a side note, Fritz was the only route I could get all the positive choices at once without having to reload the files and I feel very proud about that lmao bye

“But a wolf in sheep's clothing is more than a warning” - Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing, Set it Off ft. William Beckett

“All that I can do is beg as hard as I can, but the nightmares keep on haunting me. Even though I’ve seen you leave a hundred thousand times, I can only watch you disappear” - Eine Kleine, Rachie

Rod

Rodddddd <33

Honestly between Rod and Karma it was a tough choice, and I think I could say they were fairly tie with one another, just putting Karma a little higher because his good ending was one of my favorites and Rod’s was kinda sad (well, I mean, I get it, they are step brothers so they cant be publicly involved but its still sad ;w;).

Y’all know I live for my tsundere characters and Rod did not disappoint. Not only does he have some of the cutest blushing moments (thx Sebby!) but he and Lucette have such a great dynamic! They understand each other and I think Lucette had one of the best developments in his route, understanding Em and getting her good deeds by growing close to her family was such a cool way for her to become a good person, my queen Lucette is everything in this route.

The bad ending is also super sad and the CG was so heartbreaking. To think if only Lucette would have said that he loved him (which she did) at the end to save him asdfghjkl, my feelings.

“How much longer will it take to cure this? Just to cure it cause I cant ignore it if its love” - Accidently in Love, Counting Crows

“Oh, how it feels so real, lying here with no one near” - Tiny Dancer, Elton John

Karma

Now onto my manz Karmaaa

what a ride man

Honestly I didn't expect to like Karma that much. I mean, he was nice, he looked playful and I liked the teasing dynamic but I did not expect him to end at my #2 at all. But boi was I in for a ride. Once you get to know Karma? understand him and the reasons he is close off? how he truly doesn't consider anyone loving him as an option to break his curse? uh, um, excuse me to say this but, poetic cinema at its f i n e s t.

God and Karma and Lucette’s dynamic, iconic. He teaches her how to open up and live life, be happy, while she helps him realize he is much more than his looks and how he fell for his personality, god I love them.

Also the good ending was one of my favorites, they were just so comfortable with each other and I cant wait to see their dynamic with their family, its gonna be awesome. His bad ending was in my opinion, one of the worst too. Dying thinking the girl he loves never truly got to love him and see past the beast and just when she realizes he is holding the rose thing that he is Karma and she killed him? brutal

“Like the ache in my chest that my heart didn’t invite. But if the prettiest romance isn’t perfectly right, that makes every love lost just a holiday every night” - Paper Tigers, Owl City

“I could have another but I probably should not, I got somebody at home” - Honey I’m Good, Andy Grammer

Waltz

*Screams*

MY BOY WALTZ

*Resumes Screaming*

I knew he would be my favorite from the start. Girl loves me some sweet boys with some secrets to hide, and since the other routes gave tiny clues that they were childhood friends, big y E S.

What’s there not to love about Waltz?? he is not only a cute boy who is in love with her best friend, her only family left, and taught her how to become the good kind hearted person he knew she was deep on the inside but he would also give it all for her happiness?? they protect each other?? powerful witch couple?? uh por favorrr

His bad ending broke me, thinking his conscious is ruined thanks to Hildyr and watching the girl he loves become basically a puppet? heartless. And his good ending, their dynamic, everything everything I love Waltz and everyone should know it.

They are the biggest power canon couple to exist and I stan.

“Call a name I'm longing for, call the name that only you know. I'll find you there, in dreams we shared, that called us once before” - I’ll call your name, Dima Lancaster (Cover)

“And when I'm feeling small you get me through it all, Just like we were kids, just like we were kids again” - Kids Again, Artist vs. Poet

Anyways its over, it ended, I am coping, I will go back to staring at my screenshots of Waltz while I cry ;w;

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: what are you up to rn Grace: UM why? Janis: 'cos we can't find Cass and can't take the kid on the decent rides, will you just stand with him for a minute Grace: oh Grace: yeah sure Janis: cheers Janis: give you some cash, he likes the easy shit Grace: OMG don't even mention it Grace: or like worry about it cos I'm not trying to break a nail rn Janis: you've gotta entertain him somehow Grace: Duh Grace: but that's not with waltzers and rollercoasters babes Janis: I've just said he can't come with Janis: we're talking coconut shy level, Grace Grace: & I'm saying I know what I'm doing Janis: well don't fuck it up please Janis: call if he gets too worked up he's shy Grace: obvs! just go Janis: it's serious Janis: and you haven't said where you are Grace: I'm being serious Grace: I'll meet you at the sweet stand Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌👌👌 Grace: [shows up with a very unimpressed lad in tow] Janis: [just such a withering look like who the fuck are you] Grace: [does not intro him and is just intro-ing herself to Bobby and it's cute] Janis: [just in the background letting Jimmy do what he need to do but lowkey trying to walk away like bye] Grace: [it's fine girl we know Grace has got this] Janis: [ahh when you can't stand to be around her for literally five seconds] Grace: [me when Trace is on one] Janis: [go have fun] Grace: is he allowed any more 🍬🍩🍭??? Grace: he says he's had NONE but I know when a boy is feeding me a line 😂 Janis: try and make him have a hot dog or some chips first Janis: if not he'll be 🤢 Grace: me too tbh Janis: such a good influence, like Grace: I'm sorry that my date is a feeder or something 😱😱😱 Grace: does not take no for an answer Janis: bodes well Grace: UGH IKR 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: he's in a mood cos I got 💋 on him earlier like ?? excuse me Grace: I don't have my own makeup line yet, boy Janis: it is grim when you've used a cup Janis: like a crime scene Grace: OMG don't be on his side! Grace: he wouldn't be complaining if it was anywhere but his face Janis: behave Janis: shits probably harder to wash off that herpes Grace: EW Janis: you said it Grace: I literally did not Janis: you did Janis: don't need to hear about you lipsing anyone Grace: Okay hun that makes no sense Grace: if it had staying power it wouldn't have transferred and he wouldn't be 😣😣😣 Grace: & I wouldn't have to go hard on 🍬🍩🍭 to show him my chill vibe or whatever Grace: so #notlikeothergirls & so annoying Janis: what's any of that got to do with me Grace: 🙄🙄 Janis: you talk for the sake of it Janis: talk to your shit date, not me Grace: sure Grace: laters, babes Janis: 👍 Grace: 👋 Janis: [later than you were probably expecting, like] Janis: k where are you Grace: bumper cars Grace: there's a line but we're basically at the front of it now 🙏🙏 Janis: cool we'll jump it Grace: you can take my place, these are NOT driving shoes Janis: babe, you just steer Grace: really!?? Janis: yes 😂 Janis: how do you not know that Grace: Oh thank god! Grace: idk I've never been on them Janis: how is that possible Janis: maybe you should go in with your lad, let Jim take Bobs Grace: Before this date I haven't been to the fair since I was younger than Bobby so Grace: Oh please, he's long gone Grace: Your boy can if he wants to though, that'd be cute Janis: sure, too many sights and smells, can't control her gag reflex when she's abused it that hard Janis: oh, soz Grace: 🙄🙄 not everything I do is with Mia, thank you Grace: & no you're not, babes Janis: pretty much since you were a bit older than him, maybe Janis: well not really but can't blame him Janis: didn't reckon on you bringing a child so Grace: do you see her rn? obvs not Grace: 🤷🤷 if he wants to say that's the reason Janis: can't really bring your missus on a date Janis: got to have some boundaries Grace: can you STOP Janis: what Janis: I said soz, make Jimmy buy you a drink or something Grace: I don't want a drink Grace: I'm gonna have to work out tomorrow Janis: well can you not just take it Janis: you don't need paying but he'll wanna do something so Grace: He knows my coffee order Grace: I'll make time to go Janis: k good Grace: He's a cute kid, I don't even need anything Janis: that just makes you sound like a child snatcher so keep that hush Grace: you're ridiculous Janis: am i Grace: Duh Janis: 👌 Grace: Whatever, I've said my goodbyes so 👋 too Janis: cheers Janis: later Grace: Any message for mum and dad? Janis: lol that's a good idea Grace: I obvs meant about where you'll be or when you'll be back Grace: but 👌👌👌 Janis: that's even stupider then, ain't it Grace: mhmm Grace: my bad, hun Janis: don't mention it Janis: not the easiest mistake to make but 🤷🤷 Grace: 🤷🤷🤷🤷 Grace: I'm so over it Grace: you too, I'm sure Janis: if they're still acting like they don't have answers to either of those questions, I can imagine Janis: could always repurpose my message for yourself Grace: if I wasn't going straight home but tragically Janis: what difference does that make Janis: can still tell them to fuck off Grace: not before dad picks me up thanks Grace: it's not like that boy will be doing a U turn now I'm Bobby free Janis: lol no way he was 17 Janis: looked 12 Janis: and he still would, he's a fucking pushover Grace: he's 19 Janis: so a nonce Janis: cool Grace: You're literally OBSESSED Grace: first I'm a child snatcher then he is Janis: that's literally the definition Janis: you're a child, he ain't, what do you want me to do Janis: didn't work anyways and even if it did, no one's throwing 😍 at it Grace: If you wanna report him, go off Janis: yeah I'll ruin some sad cunts life 'cos you're out here trying to prove something Grace: ???????!!!!!!! Grace: he asked me out, I agreed, it's not a big deal Janis: mhmm Janis: swear guv Grace: OMG SHUT UP Janis: sort it out for fuck's sake Grace: I didn't know he was that old! You literally just said yourself he doesn't look it Janis: don't incriminate yourself Janis: not illegal but just as weird if you're tryna fuck 12 year olds Grace: gross Janis: you said it Grace: No Janis: definitely did Grace: Leave me alone Janis: ooh alright Janis: touchy Grace: OMG why can't you ever stop? Janis: pot kettle Janis: why are you being so sensitive Grace: Why are you still talking to me? Janis: 'cos what's wrong with you Grace: yeah cos I'm gonna tell you Janis: why do you care Janis: you got what you wanted from him anyway Grace: What does that even mean? Grace: you have no idea what I want or wanted Janis: you wish Grace: obvs you do, but I really don't Grace: I'm wishing you'd go away thanks Janis: yeah, can't you tell how much I wanted to see you Janis: good catch up babes Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: about right Grace: sure Grace: see you at school, like Grace: Spanish is first lesson back Janis: maybe Grace: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Grace: next time you steal a car is fine too Janis: next time it won't be nans so 🤞 no Grace: just don't look up my bad date, his wouldn't get you a mile out of Dublin Janis: got standards, darling Grace: I know, babes Grace: everybody does Grace: You can only wish for secrets Janis: can give the daily vlog a miss then Janis: phew Janis: love it when they put the work in for me Grace: mine's postponed cos I don't film little kids but there's plenty of other content THANK GOD Janis: 💔 should've thought of that before agreeing to go out with one really Janis: not very committed Janis: I'll 🙌 to that Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: n'awh Janis: say hi to the gals from me Grace: I'd love to but there's been a disconnect Grace: I'll say it to my ex instead, he just got here Janis: less impressive than the 19 year old Janis: forgetting your audience Janis: they'll probably go for it though THANK GOD 👍 Grace: You're forgetting I only need a ride Janis: that's low, man Grace: If you wanna console him, he'll be free later Janis: you know something's gonna happen to you one day yeah Grace: I know you've got your 🤞 Janis: get a grip Grace: obvs the plan Grace: I'll make sure he's parked first tho, wouldn't wanna cause a crash Janis: unlikely Grace: not really Janis: if anyone bought you were a decent ride you wouldn't have to rely on your ex Grace: if I wasn't he wouldn't be back Janis: he's back 'cos your price is a ride Janis: you know it's not even a fiver in petrol Janis: literally the eastern euro girls on the street aren't as cheap Grace: wow Grace: so judgemental Janis: you're dirty Janis: it's disgusting, judgment from me is the least of your worries Grace: Yeah it honestly is Grace: & I'm sure you have better things to do so Janis: yeah talking to mum and dad for a start Grace: cute Grace: say hey from me Janis: you reckon I won't Janis: got no loyalty to you Janis: be more than a hey if they can manage to do even a semi-competent job Grace: I don't care if you do or whatever else you do Janis: Don't need you to Janis: be out of your hands, like Grace: sure Grace: they'll really show up for whatever slut intervention you think is about to happen Janis: you don't reckon Janis: you're delusional if you don't Grace: you are Grace: where's it been, babes? Janis: you're putting yourself in danger Grace: Me and how many of the rest of us Janis: you're stupid, Rio at least has some brains Janis: marginally more self-esteem Janis: born victim, you, trust me, they're gonna get on board Grace: nobody's more devastated than me that I'm not more like Rio, obvs Grace: except maybe dad Grace: 💔 there's not 10 of her Janis: no one cares what he wants Janis: irrelevant beyond being a sperm donor Janis: enjoy your chat 💕 Grace: 💜💜💜 Janis: 😂 Grace: it will be amusing if it happens Grace: I'll keep you a front row seat, hun Janis: don't worry Janis: buzzin' I care, so far in my DMs Janis: must be gutting when you're the only one that does and you get no recognition for it Grace: 😭😭🙄🙄 Janis: that's alright, sure your ex will take you back and console you Janis: epic shag and all around winner that he sees you as 😍 Grace: if he won't, I'll try one of the others Janis: always the shameful hookup when you've run out of lotion, never the girlfriend Grace: mhmm Janis: love that for you Janis: just get her in to help you with your prices Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: she is good at maths Janis: is she Grace: oh of course she's never helped you with your homework Grace: my bad again, babes Janis: not what she's remembered for is it Janis: being the whore who married her cousin is really all that comes to mind but that's almost sweet Janis: pop it in the eulogy, lovely Grace: if you'll excuse me, I have to make some conversation with this boy Grace: such a good chat tho Janis: not what he's paying for Janis: so don't worry about not being a decent conversationalist Grace: tragically telling him that wouldn't get me where I wanna go so Janis: the tragic thing is you think you're too good for the bus when you're literally selling yourself Janis: wonder how many times this one told you you talk too much? 🤔 Grace: Oh please Grace: & I'm the extra one Grace: everything's a drama tonight, hun Janis: don't act as if you don't understand Janis: he would only pick you up so you blow him Janis: you aren't friends, they don't care about you or even respect you Janis: it's as simple as that Janis: and you're not even trying to get out, you're going home, half an hour away Janis: it's actually the saddest thing I've ever heard Grace: not anymore obvs Grace: why would I go home for the lecture? Janis: because you've got no balls and nowhere to go Janis: fucking hell I hope they pay for a decent shrink, seriously Grace: Thanks to you I've got nowhere to go Janis: go home Janis: sort yourself out Grace: I'll take the party he's offering but thanks again Janis: that's right Janis: get off your face then it ain't your fault Grace: It'll be my fault but I won't care Grace: you always tell me not to so congrats, finally taking that advice Janis: you'll be crying on a stranger's bathroom floor within the hour Janis: you ain't built for it, so tah for the guilt trip but i ain't biting Grace: I love that you've given me that long tbh Janis: got to earn his time and attention and petrol first Grace: Oh honey, I could do that crying Janis: wanna turn your phone off Janis: they'll be out looking now Grace: I would but if it's not on my snap it didn't happen, don't need to tell you tho Janis: your locations on Janis: they aren't that thick Grace: What do you care? You want them to find me Janis: you mean you do Janis: christ Grace: You think you know everything about me Grace: where does the delusion even come from? Janis: you think no one does Janis: let's unpack that one Grace: no-one does know everything Grace: they can't Janis: someone needs to take your netflix away too whilst they're at it Janis: fucking hell Janis: we aren't 13, even then that shit was embarrassing Janis: now it's well Janis: get yourself on the corner with your bessies level Grace: Whatever Janis: you really thought that was a revelation Janis: put it as your next caption, get those kids clicking ❤ Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: this is what comes of letting stoners breed, jesus Janis: experiment over Grace: we all wish it was Grace: at least they've stopped now Janis: no need to wish Grace: not gonna jump out of this moving car, however much you'd love that Janis: i know Janis: no balls Grace: 💔 Janis: answer your phone yeah Grace: As if Janis: for fuck's sake, Grace Grace: I don't need to hear mum chatting to me like I'm Carly or Edie Grace: or dad telling me that he still loves me Janis: well then, think that it's not about what you need, I don't care Janis: just do it Grace: I literally just said no Janis: I literally don't care Grace: So get out of my inbox Janis: answer your phone and I will Grace: I'd actually rather kms than answer that phone call in front of this boy Grace: it's not happening, go away Janis: no Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: stop being selfish Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: coming from you Janis: and? Grace: it's just hilarious that you think you can make me do anything Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: answer the phone Grace: no Janis: do it Janis: he doesn't like you anyway so don't act like that's an excuse Grace: It's not about him Grace: he answered the fastest Janis: then talk to mum and dad Grace: I've nothing to say & like I said I don't wanna hear what they are going to Grace: no thanks Janis: No one cares Janis: pick up the phone and get it over with then Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: exactly Grace: I'll do it when I'm drunk obvs, there'll be no stopping me then Janis: why not now Grace: I'm busy, like Janis: no you ain't Grace: excuse you Grace: the fact this makeup has no staying power was literally the opener of this convo Janis: and what Grace: & he'd kick me out of the car if he saw me without any Grace: duh Janis: again Janis: so Janis: that's the point Grace: your point, babes Grace: mine was that I wanna be here Janis: no, yours was you need a lift Janis: which you don't now so get out Grace: no, it was that I don't wanna go home thanks Janis: no one does but you have to Grace: Why do I? Grace: I literally don't Janis: yeah you do, you aren't being safe or smart Grace: &? Grace: it's been forever since I was either Janis: exactly Janis: so go home Grace: Why now? Janis: its pretty obvious Grace: No Grace: it would've been obvs if someone had said something at my 13th birthday party when I went further than anyone during 7 mins in heaven cos Connor O'Malley said he really liked me and he wanted my birthday to be special for a good reason again Grace: or when I hooked up with his best friend like a week later cos he lied Grace: You don't care, you've never cared Grace: don't tell me what to do now Janis: yeah, your birthday Janis: and you reckon you got it bad it could've been worse if I hadn't bothered saying anything Janis: you think i'm going to pick up your slack and be 2nd to you Janis: for what Grace: OMG you're just like Mia, putting yourself in the centre of everything Grace: I've never thought that or wanted it Grace: 2nd to me!? I'm not that fucking delusional Janis: how dare I remind you its my birthday and all Janis: bullshit, Grace Grace: That wasn't the point Grace: I'm trying to tell you, it's too little, too late Janis: that's it Janis: that's your problem is it Janis: poor you Janis: get a grip, you and every other girl at school Janis: fucking hell, edie died Grace: Get a clue Grace: this is why I can't talk to you Janis: not trying to talk to you Janis: go home Janis: I'm not there Grace: Even Diego's out so like I said, why should or would I? Janis: because you wanna be Grace: You're actually not on the same planet, I s2g Janis: that heart to heart you're trying to have Janis: they're the only ones that'll listen Janis: so go Grace: They won't Janis: bollocks Janis: all they do Grace: You go Grace: do whatever it is you want Grace: I'm good Janis: no you're not Grace: obvs but as good as I can be 🍾🎊 so 👋 Janis: no Janis: I've told you Grace: Go off, I'll mute you when it gets boring Janis: no you won't Grace: ILYSM but even so Janis: you won't so save us both the hassle Grace: you'll be hassled by drunk me, babes Grace: she'll be living her best life Janis: no one believes that Janis: and you think I wasn't bored before this began Janis: difference between us is I do give a shit Grace: of course I don't think that, we OBVS know each other so well Janis: hurry up Grace: 💃💃 Janis: hilarious Janis: don't reckon I won't show up and bring them with either Janis: get your head out your arse and make it easy for yourself before I make it worse Grace: that's your fave thing tho Grace: it'd be so mean Janis: not stopped you before Janis: go on Grace: drunken portuguese is some drinks off but sure dad's waiting by the phone so Janis: can't even remember any so Janis: what do I care, you're talking to them Grace: this is so annoying now Grace: you're putting me off Janis: now Janis: you are slow Janis: come on Grace: shhhhhhhhhhhhh Janis: no Janis: [rings her all the times] Grace: 🙌💜 Janis: picked you up yet Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: they're slow too, hello Grace: I've been saying that this entire time Janis: told them where you are or what Grace: mhmmm just gonna send them the location so they can hang Janis: do it then Grace: I 👏 AM 👏 BUSY Janis: no, you aren't Grace: Oooh this boy says he knows you Grace: very ginger, very aggressive 👋 Janis: okay Janis: that's nice Janis: off you pop Grace: he is not cute, babes Janis: what a tragedy Janis: start dialling or I'm gonna come over Grace: No you're not Grace: you never wanna be where I am Grace: & neither does your actually cute bf Janis: correct Janis: that's not what it's about so do it Grace: Just let me have a night off OMG!!!!!!!!! Grace: you get to do everything you want Janis: so Janis: you aren't me and you don't know what you want Janis: sort it out Grace: yeah okay I'll figure all that out in the AM Janis: no, you won't Janis: we're coming so you can think about it all you like once they're done Grace: STOP Janis: why should I Grace: cos I'm asking you to Grace: cos you're my sister & you don't even love me Janis: so you think you can just say and do all that fucked up shit and I'm not gonna stop you Janis: I don't think so Grace: What do you what me to say or do? Janis: I've been clear, call mum and dad and get them to come get you Grace: & after that?? Grace: Why do you want me to be all alone like?????? Janis: they're going to talk to you, work something out Grace: they're gonna talk at me and we'll all 😭😭 & nothing will be any different literally Grace: not drunk enough for that yet soooooo Janis: try listening yeah Grace: they're the MOST cringe though 😱😱😱 Janis: then you should agree Grace: 😂😂 okay bitch Janis: mhm Janis: they're waiting, like Grace: UGH Janis: yeah Janis: they've said they'll text so I'm not going Grace: What did you say? Janis: why? Grace: cos I wanna know how bad the freakout will be Grace: what did you say about me? Janis: what you said Janis: no need to lie, you gave it all up Grace: so you just told them everything Janis: all the relevant info, yeah Grace: I literally can't go home EVER Janis: yeah you can Grace: How could you do that to me!?? OMG Janis: how could I not Janis: not cosigning on that shit Grace: cos it's none of their business what I do Grace: or yours but at least you're not like OLD Janis: you're their kid, that's literally all their business is Grace: So are you! You don't let them tell you anything Janis: they're still meant to try Janis: and they do Grace: I hate this Janis: good Janis: you're not totally crazy then Grace: can't you come instead? Grace: I'd take Rio over them rn Janis: probably don't Janis: when she have her last kid, probably hormonal Janis: well I ain't got a car and we know how you feel about me stealing one but I can come Grace: IOU 💜 Grace: screenshot that in case I'm more drunk than I think I am Janis: you're always more drunk than you think you are Janis: forget about it, like Grace: me or like everyone? Grace: 🤔🤔🤔 Janis: you, specifically but yeah Janis: most in general Grace: my ex isn't if you wanna fight him Grace: cos you wanna fight most people Janis: which one Grace: this one Grace: oh you mean how many hookups ago duh Janis: i mean name, any other identifiers, even then, unlikely i'll remember Grace: Tyler Grace: he's not white that helps him stand out in my exes line up Grace: hmmm Grace: short and mad about it? Grace: that's his identifier with me but shhh Janis: 😂 Janis: oh right, can recall that one then Grace: he does NOT like you, babes Grace: too tall obvs Janis: 💔 Janis: gutted, obvs Janis: his 👀 are chest height and everything, that I remember Grace: IKR?! Grace: he was so 😣😣😣 cos I had my 👠s on Grace: boy they weren't for you! I'm SORRY Janis: probably gonna wanna steal some shoes if you're coming with me though Grace: ??? Janis: 👟 Janis: you'll be like a  baby 🦒 on ice Grace: are we walking all the way home? Janis: depends Janis: send us your location and I'll see what I can do Grace: [does] Janis: we could walk that Janis: but we can get a bus like 10 minutes from there if you need Grace: Today has been the literal WORST from the moment I agreed to the fair idc Janis: that means no complaints then yeah Grace: can I do them now cos I've been so excited to go out with him since I met him and then FINALLY it comes around & ugh Janis: seemed like a moody prick Grace: boys are such liars Grace: like okay you're nothing like you were that day in town & you're actually 19 & I don't think you even wanna be here Janis: yep Janis: girls too, in fairness Janis: you're just used to that and not trying to fuck 'em so Grace: I just thought he was different, nice or something Grace: like you said I should go out with Janis: yeah well Janis: never said it'd be easy, like Janis: few and far between Grace: I tried really hard Grace: Like REALLY Grace: it's so stupid Janis: ain't your fault he was a twat Grace: I fell for it Grace: nice lads aren't here for me, obvs, I should've known Grace: I literally do know Janis: it ain't that simple Grace: It is though Grace: I'm a bitch Grace: Is Jimmy coming? Janis: don't worry about that right now Janis: nah, he don't need to Grace: Tell him I'm sorry then Janis: bit rude i don't get one Janis: it's fine Grace: I mean for everything Grace: Mia Grace: since he got here Janis: yeah Janis: pretty mental, even for you lot Grace: I told her, I keep telling her Grace: cos I am happy for you, like Janis: alright, I'll tell him Grace: Believe me though Janis: I do Janis: don't be weird, like Grace: you have to cos I love you, okay? Grace: but idk what to do about her Janis: I can handle her Janis: he can too Janis: but she's genuinely just Janis: you know Janis: you need to handle her too, yeah Grace: I don't work with her though Grace: or without Grace: cos she's not talking to me rn & look Janis: bollocks Janis: she would've told you to go for it with that lad Janis: come on Grace: I met him because she was being a bitch about you that day he was over at our house & I made her leave Grace: I wouldn't have gone into town on my own otherwise Janis: you could've met him any time Janis: and it's not about him Janis: you've gotta admit, he's not exactly out of character in your ex line-up Janis: can't think like that Grace: she would've said no & none of this would have happened so Tyler wouldn't have picked me up & mum & dad wouldn't think I'm a sex worker Janis: I didn't tell them you were a sex worker Janis: and she only would've said no 'cos she'd wanna be watching us so that's not like she's looking out for you Janis: not like she's got a sixth sense for dickheads herself Grace: I hate her Grace: I hate my life Janis: yeah Janis: I know Janis: you've got to get rid of her at some point Grace: Why don't you love me? Janis: Grace Janis: it'd just be easier if we didn't Janis: for all of us, you especially Grace: what does that mean???? Janis: it only hurts if you love or care or Janis: whatever Grace: but its not about Edie cos you didn't love me before Grace: & you love him, your boyfriend so Grace: what did I do? Janis: that's not true Janis: I don't know Janis: maybe I can't Grace: but you literally love him Janis: no I don't Grace: It's everywhere, all over everything Grace: I can't be on my phone without seeing it Grace: or in the same room as you Janis: yeah and how many of your exes did you actually love Grace: that's not the same Grace: I don't look at them like that & they'd never look at me like it either Grace: it's so fake, it has to be if I'm in it Janis: I've not known him that long Janis: no one has, like Grace: So? Janis: can't be in love with someone you don't know, right Grace: I know when I've done the wrong thing like IMMEDIATELY Grace: maybe you can still feel something that soon when it's good too idk Grace: not the right person to ask about love Janis: noted, babe Janis: just saying, think lots of people fake it Grace: Yeah Grace: sometimes you have to & sometimes you want to Janis: do you want to? Grace: when? Grace: I fake like everything, babes, you need to hit me with specifics Janis: well that's what I mean Janis: if your ratio is mostly wanting to, then I guess that's alright Janis: but it ain't so Grace: it's like I have to pretend I'm not freaking out whenever a boy touches me but I want to pretend that's not always gonna be a thing Grace: specifics Grace: I have to be friends with Mia but I don't want to Janis: Why do you have to Grace: ??????? Janis: be friends with her Grace: like I said, it's too late Grace: I can't go back and not tell her everything or have her with me for everything Grace: idk how to do things without her anymore Grace: I need her even if I don't like her Janis: 'course you can Janis: look at us, we're blood relatives and we manage Janis: you don't want her fucking up everything you do forever Grace: I'll have her to blame that way though Grace: if it's just me, it's literally me Janis: nah Janis: family album full of people you can blame Janis: easy Janis: swear Grace: she hates you & I wanna hate you, sometimes Grace: so I thought that would be easy Janis: yeah but she also wants to live in my skin so Janis: complicates matters Grace: but like same ?? so Janis: now you see why I didn't wanna come to those sleepovers Grace: fine cos I don't want you there being prettier than me Janis: 😏 yeah right Grace: ugh Janis: you alright Grace: I just didn't wanna cry here, you know? Grace: he'll think it's about him Janis: go outside Grace: I wish screaming I DON'T LOVE YOU BYE actually meant that Grace: instead of making people think I do Janis: screaming anything don't really help your case Janis: try 🤐 Grace: actually can't though, sorry Grace: 💘 or 🤐 Janis: I've got headphones Janis: it's fine Grace: Where's Jimmy's mum? Janis: not coming to pick you up, can tell you that for certain Grace: Is she dead? Janis: Don't know Janis: did Bobby talk about her lots then Grace: He asked me if we've got one Grace: & said that he doesn't Janis: yeah, she pissed off, about the sum of it Janis: don't know if he knows that or what though so Grace: Maybe he was too little Grace: he's so sweet Janis: yeah, pretty cute Grace: like really gentle, little lads are normally so loud & annoying Janis: girls are well worse Janis: especially the ones in this family Grace: duh Grace: you can say I'm most annoying, babes 👑 treat yourself Janis: was talking about the actual children, like but you know Janis: fight a toddler if you need to, babe Grace: Oh so I'm an actual child when a 19 year old lies to me but not when I want a 👑 Grace: so rude Janis: that's life Janis: don't make the law up, soz Grace: 💔 Janis: I'll run for PM when I get a sec Grace: I love that for you Janis: obvs Janis: no 👑 Grace: but you have any food?? Janis: food? Grace: I'm so hungry like all the time 😱😱😱 aren't you? Janis: nah 'cos I eat enough and at the right times Janis: I've passed hundreds of kebabbies and shit, we'll go get something Grace: 🙏🙏🙏🙏 Janis: who's gaff even is this Grace: UM idk Grace: his cousin maybe? Grace: no his uncle Grace: no Janis: don't need the family tree, I get the vibe Janis: are there any other girls from school there like Grace: that's a real no Grace: I would not be here Janis: ugh Grace: if I'm gonna commit suicide I'll do it myself thanks Grace: don't need them or their insta stories Janis: not my main concern Grace: ?? Janis: it'd be better if it was an actual party with school people Janis: not his cousin uncle and co Grace: Why? Janis: because why would he bring you around his older male relatives Janis: what do you have in common with him, never mind them Janis: it's so dangerous, Grace Grace: I didn't know it was gonna be this sketchy Grace: that's not what he said Janis: yeah well boys lie, remember Janis: it's fine, I'm only a few streets away now, apparently Grace: I'm outside so we can just leave, yeah? Grace: it's not gonna be like a thing Janis: nah I well fancy going in there and shouting my head off and all Grace: you know what I mean Janis: if you're outside then yeah, what am I gonna do Grace: I'm sorry Janis: at least you are okay this time Janis: I meant it when I said something's gonna happen though Grace: It won't even I'm so done Janis: alright, well you all say that when you feel like shit Janis: general you that time Grace: he's deleted Janis: 👌 Grace: Like, I'll obvs get new shitty exes but no need to go back here Janis: screenshot that one, yeah? Grace: 💜 Grace: he's not that cute, I was just over all the white boys Grace: no offense Janis: variety is the spice of life Janis: though literally no idea who that ginger you're talking about is Grace: I think he thinks you slept with his gf?? Grace: I set him straight on that, literally Janis: ha gutted i did that Janis: shh Grace: No way you would've, he showed me a pic & you can do so much better, babes Grace: trust Janis: awks Janis: poor ginge Grace: he wouldn't stop shouting at me like excuse me we're not the same person Grace: as if I'm gonna turn around and you're the back of my head Janis: you probably telepathically told me to do it though Janis: know what twins are like Grace: if she was cute, sure Janis: i don't think that helps us sound any less weird Janis: glad you went with a different clapback Grace: there's worse things than homewrecking someone that ugh Grace: but 👌👌 Janis: not taking that one for the team Janis: no matter how much of a cunt he was Janis: soz Grace: fine, wouldn't wanna risk barista boy's 💘 anyway Grace: a bitch but not that bitch Janis: shut up idiot Grace: he's so highkey 😍😍😍 & I think that's nice Janis: shame he ain't coming Janis: be hilarious if you said that to his face Janis: for me anyway Grace: I've seen enough PDA thank you Janis: you were definitely told to leave so Grace: I'm still mad at you btw Grace: & you can't make me leave a coffee shop, bitch Grace: I was mid ☕ Janis: that weren't my idea Grace: idc still 😱😱😱 Janis: your mates shouldn't bitch so loudly, like Grace: 🙄🙄 I know Grace: I'm so over it Janis: seems exhausting Janis: having to give a shit about what everyone else is up to all the time Grace: mhmmmmmm Janis: and just to be bitches Janis: seriously Grace: they're just hung up on you specifically cos every boy they want has asked you out & you said no Grace: boys they can't even get Grace: like it's your fault you're prettier than them Grace: when they have nobody to blame for how petty they are trying to be Grace: it's so boring & ridiculous!!! Janis: should fuck 'em just to really make it worth their rage but Janis: do you do it too, when it ain't me Grace: Ew no don't Grace: &? I know what I am, honey Janis: unlikely, reasons I said no Janis: I mean, it's probably easy to fall into that way of being Janis: like when you left all your shit at CG Grace: Okay no Grace: not talking about that with you ever Janis: why not, I literally had to give you your stuff Janis: we all know what it was Grace: exactly so we don't have to go there Janis: alright Grace: are you here or do I have time to kms? Janis: not trying to embarrass you Janis: and yeah not far Janis: this is just the longest street ever for some reason Grace: you should stop smoking with that boy Janis: please Grace: mhmm please do Janis: we're a long way from you giving anyone lectures Janis: let alone me Grace: it's still gross & you're already way thinner than me Janis: the ulterior motive comes out Janis: don't smoke enough for that, or lung disease, tah Grace: you can get fucked up by his sexy smoke rings, babes Grace: but sure Janis: that's 2nd-hand Janis: it's worse 'cos all the co2 you breathe out Janis: smoking yourself, way safer Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I'll take it up then Janis: you'd have to get 'em off weird john Janis: no way you ain't getting ID'd Janis: any safety is dashed tbh, wouldn't bother if I were you Grace: excuse you literally have 19 year olds falling at my feet so Grace: well almost Janis: that like underage girls but sure Janis: probably ducked when he realised how virginal you ain't Grace: Yeah Grace: 2 years too late, sorry boy Janis: ick Janis: leave it out Grace: ????? Janis: that's too young Janis: it's depressing Grace: I know, I cried for like a week Janis: stop thinking about it now Janis: and chatting Janis: drive me to drink Grace: you can share this one Janis: alright, had enough earlier Janis: one of us should be vaguely sober Grace: did you sneak it into the fair while I was babysitting? Janis: ha Janis: after, went pub Grace: Oh okay Janis: did you think i was drunk Janis: was just a sugar high, like Grace: you left ASAP and I did when you got back Grace: literally wouldn't know Janis: did think it was a bit of a jump Grace: it's so rude that I can't get in anywhere & you can Janis: I'm tall Janis: and you've got a babyface Grace: like I said, so rude Janis: blame mum and dad Janis: neither of them brought it in the height department Grace: I blame avó, she's who I look like Grace: & she has that direct 🙏🙏🙏 line to god, obvs so Grace: she could have put in a word for me not to look like this Janis: get that you ain't meant to be a braggy cunt Janis: but bit of a slap in the face to call out one of his creations and say 'not again, thanks' Grace: 😂😂 Janis: also she'd give you a slap in the face for that one so let's hope she ain't in the kebab Grace: she'd wanna hit me for lots of things I do but Jesus loves a whore Grace: & she's never ate anywhere that isn't ours either Grace: doubly saved 🙌 Janis: 😏 Janis: not suggesting she's been out on the piss tbh Janis: it's late as hell and not midnight mass vibes, like Grace: if you're going that hard of the blood of christ, maybe just marry him tbh Janis: gutted she didn't Janis: probably can't dump your kid to be a nun though Janis: unfortunate for us all Grace: maybe I'll go become one Grace: can you vlog it? Janis: considering the vow of poverty, don't think you can show up with thousands worth of filming equipment, no Grace: tragic Janis: not even to mention all the others i think you'd struggle with Grace: well it's just mean if you don't tell me now Janis: come on then, I see you Janis: tell you all about it Grace: 👋 Grace: you look so pretty OMG Janis: let's not be texting and walking rn babe Grace: 👌👌👌

[withfeelingoncemore]

made the mistake of looking thru photos from freshman year and even though my life is significantly better in almost every measurable way this is still Big Sad Hours because I lost one of the best friends I’ve ever had and I still don’t fully understand why!!!

basically we met at improv tryouts (LMAO) and when he got up to audition I was like “there’s no way this hot guy is gonna be funny” and then he WAS THE FUNNIEST and when he sat back down I was like “maybe the funny guy isn’t as hot as I thought” BUT! HE! WAS! so I was like “ok this is so out of character but I have to talk to this manses as soon as the tryouts are over” and so I DID (after I lowkey slayed) and he thought I was funny too!!!! (dont think he thought I was hot tho lmao) and basically we became best friends, like, immediately, and by second semester we were inseparable, literally hanging out every day and getting dinner off campus every weekend (with our dumbass third wheel friend who lived on his floor and occasionally my friend who I adored and who he also got along great with). and we were gonna live together! in a big house with a bunch of his other friends! was I dealing with some unresolved romantic feelings for him??? in hindsight, most definitely!!!! but I SQUASHED those bad boys because me and G* got along so so well, he was literally my best friend at school. people constantly asked us if we were dating, and I had to pretend it bothered me.

then sophomore year started and G and I are still Thick As Thieves, esp. now that we live down the hall from each other! are my unresolved romantic feelings becoming more apparent??? oh you betcha!!! did I have full-on crises when G came home drunk from parties, pulled me into his arms, and whispered how much he loved me (As A Friend) ?!!? OH YOU CAN COUNT ON IT ! but I SQUASHED THOSE BAD BOYS DOWN because now in addition to being my best friend he is my HOUSEMATE! but then golly gee whilickers turns out some of our other housemates are doing uhhhhh cocaine??? and also growing mushrooms??? and it already hadn’t been the best living situation, but I thought hey, I can deal with how dirty this place is and how our landlord just comes in unannounced and the fact that half of the residents smoke weed in and around the house every day, making the whole place smell like one of snoop dogg’s baseball caps. turns out I draw the line at cocaine on a wednesday!!! I promptly moved the fuck out and almost as SOON as that happened, G dropped me as a friend.

I tried to pretend it wasn’t happening, but soon it was obvious. I moved in mid-august 2016, moved out early october 2016, and by G’s birthday in late november, when I was enlisted to help plan a surprise party for him, it was clear I wasn’t really welcome there. even though I paid my remainder of the rent FOR THE YEAR AND! got someone to take over the lease, apparently I was still a pariah. in december, right before winter break, I went over to the house I left to confront him about how he wasn’t answering my texts and never wanted to hang out anymore. I cried and unloaded all the mental health problems I’d kept secret from him over the years in my efforts to be the Good Time Funny Friend he’d met at improv tryouts over a year ago. he was completely unemotional and insisted he hadn’t been hanging out with everyone, that next semester would be different when he wasn’t so busy.

it wasn’t. it was never the same.

I’d had clues prior to that--he stayed in town the summer after freshman year and we only hung out like two times, and he often didn’t answer my texts, and he got frustrated whenever I talked about my guy problems (even though I let him talk about his random hookups as much as he wanted) or expressed any inkling of my depression or anxiety. I guess, basically, that he wanted a sexless clown, and while 18-year-old me was, basically, a sexless clown, it still wasn’t good enough for him.

I don’t think about him much anymore. in february of 2018 I went to go see him in a comedy show--he’s kind of starting to blow up on the web comedy scene--and my heart stopped. his girlfriend was there, the girlfriend he’s now been dating for over a year. she’s a musician, like me. I try not to let that make me want to vomit.

when I met G, part of me thought I’d met my future husband. my parents met in college, and the instant chemistry I had with him made me think I’d met my soulmate, too. losing him, even though we were “just friends,” is probably the worst heartbreak of my life. we haven’t spoken a single word to each other since august 2017, when I forced myself to go to a party I knew he was attending, where we tried to exchange pleasantries but it just made me realize how uncrossably far we’d drifted apart. on halloween this year, we made eye contact on campus and we both pretended like we hadn’t. I forced myself not to cry.

our friendship wasn’t deep in the way my current friendships are. he didn’t give me advice or offer much in the way of emotional support. but he made me laugh harder than anyone I’ve ever met, and it seemed like I did the same for him. he included me in absolutely everything, even when it seemed like other people didn’t particularly want me around. he believed in me. we talked about religion and politics and music and comedy constantly. we shared so many of the same views; when we didn’t, we always debated each other respectfully. and he always wanted to hang out. if he wasn’t doing something else, he was ready for a comedy show or a dinner or just shooting the shit in his room. I remember when the bon iver record came out, and we laid on his bed, listening to it on his record player. I remember when he invited me to a theme party at his fraternity, and we left together, early, because fuck that noise, and it started to rain so he let me cover my hair with his jacket, even though it was cold. I remember that he was my plus-one to a couples costume party because the boy I had a crush on was already going with someone, and he agreed to be the peanut butter to my chocolate. I remember shooting the short film I wrote together, the film he promised to edit but didn’t (CLASSIC SAGITTARIUS IN CASE YOU HADN’T INFERRED THAT YET), but that seemed so full of hope at the time. I remember almost getting hit by a car in an alley once, I remember seeing one of my favorite (now disgraced) comedians together at the forum, I remember going to see him do improv every week at the on-campus coffee shop, I remember falling asleep in his dorm and him letting me stay there while he ran out to get something done. I remember encouraging him to follow the dream that he’s succeeding at right now. I remember him doing the same for me.

[hallelujuh]

hello yes i just finished lord of the flies (and then watched the 1963 movie immediately afterwards) & i rlly luv piggy so im gonna yell abt Just Piggy Things™ even if no one cares

piggy’s the first character we’re introduced to, after ralph ofc, so that means we’re supposed to get attached, and boy did i get attached..

ass-mar

the fact that he’s been called mean nicknames so long that his real name doesnt matter to him?? he doesnt care what hes called?? poor thing wtf??? hes like eleven hes too little for this

the Flashing Anime Glasses. especially the one w the fire when he starts laughing maniacally. same.

im talking about: “then he laughed so strangely that they were hushed, looking at the flash of his spectacles in astonishment.”

also: “’i got the conch,’ said piggy, in a hurt voice. ‘i got a right to speak.’” let him speak hes the only damn reasonable one. also stop hurting him hes been hurt enough goddamnit 

k but how much he loves ralph? and ralph is annoyed by him??? but then later he confides in him & cries over him & their friendship is my fav in the book so. they bond it just takes a while. but piggy was always good to ralph awe

“i was with him when he found the conch. i was with him before anyone else was.” he finally made a friend dont u take him from him ;-;

k speaking of the conch, in the first movie, his laugh when ralph’s blowing the horn for the first time??? aw??? a rare moment of joy in that sad ass movie?? 

‘63!film piggy is the sweetest & cutest i lob him. ‘90!film piggy was annoying as shit tho i refuse to talk about him.

in the ‘63!film when he puts his hands on his hips when jack says “shut up fatty” and then hides behind the tree when they all laugh at him.

god in the book it’s easy to forget theyre actual babies but with the movie u cant possibly forget and theyre so cute but defenseless it’s so sad

i kno these actors r like 70 or dead now but i wanna go back in time & give them a hug. especially piggy cuz hes a pouty chubby bub gOD IM SO SAD

one last note on the film before i get back to the book: the movie rlly encompassed how awkward i imagined piggy to be & i luv that. also his story time abt camberly was adorable + educational (for me, anyway)

how hurt he is when ralph tells the other boys his name, poor thing ugh :(

“’let him have the conch!’ shouted piggy. ‘let him have it!’” yes stand up for poor lil mulberry child

“piggy knelt by him, one hand on the great shell, listening and interpreting to the assembly.” hes so fuckin sweet??? hes like the mom of the island hes so nice to the littluns i luv him

and when he gets upset over the mulberry boy probably bein killed in the fire :’( hes the most sensible and the most empathetic of all the other boys. what a cinnamon roll. unproblematic fav. true neutral. 10/10. the best boy.

my second favorite line in the whole book: “then, with the martyred expression of a parent who has to keep up with the senseless ebullience of the children, he picked up the conch, turned toward the forest, and began to pick his way over the tumbled scar.” tired mama piggy lmao

he wants to make a sundial?? hes so smart aw

piggy thinking ralph’s patronizing smile was a friendly one :( :( he just wants a friendddd hes so naive & sweet im sadddd

i think it’s implied most of the other boys (particularly the choir boys & ralph) are from a nicer, more upper class part of england, &, despite his intelligence, piggy’s more lower class, judging by his cockney-esque accent (his use of ‘them’ instead of ‘those’, etc.) and also “piggy was an outsider, not only by accent, which did not matter…” idk why this is cute i dunno

“piggy arrived, out of breath and whimpering like a littlun.” me in pe. but also poor thing ;-;

“piggy sniveled and simon shushed him as though he had spoken too loudly in church.” i interpreted shushed as, like, consoled, more than, like, ‘quit crying, ya baby’, which was more what he was doing, but still…first of many cute piggy & simon interactions. i’d ship them but theyre like twelve so nah. but they cute as buddies

“this was too bitter for piggy, who forgot his timidity in the agony of his loss. he began to cry out, shrilly: ‘you and your blood, jack merridew! you and your hunting! we might have gone home-’” this hurts because if jack hadn’t gone hunting, they may have been rescued before simon or piggy died :( :( :( horrible vague foreshadowing

simon getting piggy’s glasses for him when jack throws em ;-;

simon giving his piece of meat (not a euphemism, goddamnit) to piggy.. god simons so sweet hes my second fav

“only, decided ralph as he faced the chief’s seat, i can’t think. not like piggy…he could go step by step inside that fat head of his, only piggy was no chief. but piggy, for all his ludicrous body, had brains.” why does ralph resent piggy sm. it’s like it psychically hurts him to compliment him, even just in his own head. jeez. just cuz someones fat doesnt mean they cant be smart?? the 50s were weird

“piggy came and stood outside the triangle. this indicated that he wished to listen, but would not speak; and piggy intended it as a gesture of disapproval.” aka ‘i’m mad at everyone so im gonna stand two feet away & glare at you all’ aw haha

when he tiptoes onto the triangle cuz hes done w his protesting ahaha aw

“piggy held out his hands for the conch but ralph shook his head.” idk i thought the mental image was cute. “gimme pls” “nuh uh”

what he says about the beast & life being scientific…me & piggy would be buds if he was real lmao

“ralph nodded to piggy. ‘go on. ask him.’ piggy knelt, holding the conch. ‘now then. what’s your name?’ the small boy twisted away into his tent. piggy turned helplessly to ralph..” honestly piggy & ralph are the mom & dad of the colony (jack being the asshole uncle) it’s so cute

“’that’s a clever beast,’ said piggy, jeering, ‘if it can hide on this island.’” sarcastic piggy is sarcastic

more sarcastic piggy earlier in the book: “you got your small fire all right” i lob him

indignant & shrill piggy… and his quote: “’what are we? humans? or animals? or savages?’” honestly lowkey want that tattooed

i fuckin hate jalph but admittedly jack’s jealous lil “’that’s right–favor piggy as you always do.’” is salty & gay lmao

the whole three blind mice convo…i luv

particular highlight in that scene: “’i’m scared of him,’ said piggy, ‘and that’s why i know him. if you’re scared of someone you hate him but you can’t stop thinking about him. you kid yourself he’s all right really, an’ then when you see him again; it’s like asthma an’ you can’t breathe. i tell you what. he hates you too, ralph—’” POOR BABYYY 

also “’i know about people. i know about me. and him. he can’t hurt you: but if you stand out of the way he’d hurt the next thing. and that’s me.” IN THE END ROGER’S THE ONE WHO HURTS HIM UGH :(

“’keep piggy out of danger.’” YOU ASSHOLES LET HIM DIE

piggy holding his breath until his asthma acts up & then the boys just leave him??? what dicks

“jack cleared his throat and spoke in a queer, tight voice. ‘we mustn’t let anything happen to piggy, must we?’” AND THEN YOU LET HIM D I E U SALTY BITCH QUIT IT

“piggy put on his one glass and looked at ralph. ‘now you done it. you been rude about his hunters.’ ‘oh shut up!’” why dont more ppl ship them?? compared to jalph theres nothing??? theyre like a married couple it’s precious. like i said - mom & dad of the island.

piggy getting braver & being more of a leader once jack leaves!!! im proud of him!!

“he [simon] sought for help and sympathy and chose piggy” k the two most humane & sympathetic kids on the island, and the two doomed ones, gravitate towards each other & look out for each other & it so sadd

piggy being “so full of pride in his contribution to the good of society” he didnt deserve his fate he was so good im so sad

samneric & piggy making a little mini feast for them?? thats so cute??? 

also “piggy broke into noisy laughter and took more fruit. ‘he might be.’ he gulped his mouthful. ‘he’s cracked’.” piggy u get teased for bein different why would u tease simon (behind his back too) for bein diffrent u hypocrite. noisy laughter tho aw

piggy & ralph laying by the fire & talking…ralph didnt deserve piggy honestly he wasnt even grateful until the very end for such a good friend in such a horrible situation??? ugh

“when he understood how far ralph had gone toward accepting him he flushed pinkly with pride” see? good friendship. piggy just wanted a friend & to be considered valuable. and ralph finally started appreciating him

“piggy took off his glasses, stepped primly into the water, and then put them on again.” prim: stiffly formal and respectable; feeling or showing disapproval of anything regarded as improper. idk why this is funny to me

when he gets annoyed and starts slapping the water & yelling. temper tatrum lmao. dont blame him

“piggy stirred the sand under water and did not look at ralph. ‘p’raps we ought to go too.’ ralph looked at him quickly and piggy blushed. ‘i mean–to make sure nothing happens.’ ralph squirted water again.” they’re so fuckINGN CUTE

“piggy touched ralph’s wrist. ‘come away. there’s going to be trouble. and we’ve had our meat.’“ SO MUCH OF THIS STORY WOULDVE BEEN AVOIDED IF THE OTHER BOYS ACTUALLY LISTENED TO PIGGY

“ralph sat down in the grass facing the chief’s seat and the conch. piggy knelt at his left, and for a long minute there was silence.” i luv their dynamic sm. ruler & adviser. no questions asked. ultimate loyalty. so good.

piggy trying to be all rational about simon while ralph freaks out…what a scene. also i luv how awkward their convo w samneric immediately after is

piggy wants to be rescued most and hes the one whos killed!!!! bullshit!!!! justice for piggy!!!

when ralph says piggy should write a letter to his auntie & he takes it serious & ralph laughs & piggy doesnt get it. awe.

the scene where they take his glasses ;-; u made my boi piggy hav an ass-mar attack u monsters,

PIGGY GETTIN ALL BADASS & DETERMINED & TALKING ABOUT WHAT HES GONNA TELL JACK 

“he held out the conch to piggy who flushed, this time with pride” and then “piggy sought in his mind for words to convey his passionate willingness to carry the conch against all odds.” the conch is the only constant on the island, the only dependable thing he has besides ralph, so hes so invested in it, hes pretty much deemed himself the caretaker of the conch, and it dies with him…

the scene where piggy reassures ralph & it says “the twins were examining ralph curiously, as though they were seeing him for the first time” is probably my fav scene in the entire book…it just really shows, in a couple of lines, the characters that ralph & piggy are, and what their relationship is like, and why they’re a partnership throughout the whole book. fantastic.

“’am i safe?’ quavered piggy. ‘i feel awful–’” fuckin foreshadowing, i hate it. imagine being practically blind on a cliff and then, minutes later, falling to your death. god it’s terrible.

piggy crying for ralph not to leave him actually hurts like psychically in my chest. him and simon were babies??? i know it’s fiction but kids are the sweetest things, not even fictional kids deserve to be killed so mercilessly??? im so fuckin sad

his last words…powerful and iconic.

i dont wanna talk about his death. im very sad

k ik it’s terrible but when he died his skull cracked open & his brain more or less fell out (”and stuff came out”, “with his empty head”), and thats p macabre but it’s also symbolic and genius bc when roger killed him he also took away the only thing he had going for him, the only thing that gave him superiority over the others - his intelligence. his brain. 

of course, have to end on: “ralph wept for the end of innocence, the darkness of man’s heart, and the fall through the air of the true, wise friend called piggy.” cue me shutting the book, hugging it to my chest, and sobbing