#lude-n-lascivious

[really-sheety-ghost]

(Returning the favor)

What's the worst movie you've ever seen? Like not even Mystery Science Theater could polish that big of a turd. No redeeming qualities what-so-ever.

Let's roll back the tape to 2008! My friends and I decided we were going to sneak into an R-rated movie. The movie: M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening. We were the only people in this auditorium on a busy Friday night at [REDACTED] Cinema. However, the high of successfully sneaking in wore off in record time as we realized that it was dogshit level bad.

Sneaking in is the easy part. Sneaking out in the middle of a movie you weren't supposed to be in, at a place you frequent weekly, feels impossible when you're a bunch of 15 year old knuckleheads. We griped. We groaned. We considered fleeing via the emergency fire exit even if it triggered the alarm, but in the end we stayed, we endured.

This movie is so bad that I blocked it from my memory. All I can remember is feeling adolescent indignant rage when The Big Twist was that nature was killing everyone. -1000/10. I'll never get those $8 back. I'll never get those 90 minutes of my life back.

I will end with this: the advantage to being the only people in town who didn't get the memo not to go see The Happening, is that you're the only people watching it. So my buddy was free to stand up near the end of the movie to scream: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" at full volume, with the utmost disgust, and zero reprecussions. And that was beautiful.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Thanks to lude-n-lascivious for sending these stairs in. It's the forlorn look on the guys face that gets to me, here.

[deathbecomesnerds]

I posted 13,044 times in 2022

169 posts created (1%)

12,875 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dashavau

@whiteorangeflower

@thisishellfire

@waywaychuck

@lude-n-lascivious

I tagged 409 of my posts in 2022

#personal - 72 posts

#astrid x raymond - 63 posts

#raymond smith - 55 posts

#the gentlemen - 48 posts

#charlie hunnam - 46 posts

#writing - 28 posts

#bunnie answers - 22 posts

#eddie munsen - 9 posts

#bullet tooth tony - 9 posts

#victoria pedretti - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#i'm entering a new decade in my life and things are happening and i know with 100% certainty this album will stay with me forever

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

“The Nightmare” - Raymond/Astrid

TW: Su!c!de Mentions

Ray watched as she stood on the balcony that overlooked the house. Astrid glanced back at him with a small smirk on her face before looking back down at the room when he blinked, and he was suddenly next to her. 

“What are you looking at, Star?” he asked while wrapping his arms around her. 

She just chuckled, and Ray did too as he closed his eyes again and pressed his nose into her hair when he felt something pushing against his abdomen. He opened his eyes to see Astrid on the other side of the balcony fence and a noose around her neck. 

“Astrid,” he whispered out to her.

“It’s okay, Ray…” she said, her big, beautiful eyes glimmered against the sunlight coming in through the windows when she began to let go of the railing.

Ray yelled out her name, and leaped out for her while the scene played out in slow motion as Astrid fell with the noose around her neck before Ray heard a loud snap and she dangled below. 

The gentlemen awoke in a panic, glancing to his side to realize that he could not see within the darkness as he grabbed his glasses, put them on, and turned on his lamp to see Astrid sleeping peacefully on her side of the bed.

He sighed in relief, though his body and heart screamed in agony as he moved closer to his wife before gently pushing her hair away from her neck to see that she was fine. His body trembled as he began to stroke her soft, brunette locks in the selfish hope that he would wake her from her slumber.

As he stroked her cheek, she stirred in her sleep and let a gentle groan escape her lips. 

“Ray…” she muttered, stretching her limbs and sighing before opening her eyes to turn and see her husband with tears in his eyes “Baby, what happened??” she asked, sitting up in bed.

Astrid wiped away the forming tears, and Ray couldn’t have been happier to see Astrid as he sniffled and held her hand in place as she stroked his cheek. 

“Ray?” she muttered.

He took a deep breath in “I had a nightmare. That you died. That you killed yourself, and I just stood there and watched.” he told her, his grip on her hand grew tighter as he recalled the horrifying images.

Astrid pouted “Baby,” she whispered, moving closer to Ray and held him “I would never.” 

“I know.” Ray said, resting his head on her shoulder. 

Ray sniffled, the thought of losing Astrid made every cell in his body want to rage and burn the world to the ground. Astrid was his everything, and Ray did not like to be reminded of her mortality as he held her close while Astrid relaxed back on the bed and gently stroked his blonde hair.

“I love you, Ray.” she whispered.

“I love you more, Astrid.” Ray hummed.

“I know, baby.”

Ray pulled away from her shoulder “I don’t think you do. Astrid, if you died, I would burn all of England to the ground with the kids in tow. If anybody ever put a hand on you, I would hang them by their toes and pick apart at their body cell by fucking cell.” he growled fiercely. 

“If you…if you hung yourself off the staircase, I would hang myself right next to you.” he told her, with his voice hoarse while his eyes screamed sorrow.

Astrid couldn’t stop a frown forming on her face, his dedication to her was always obvious and she knew that her death would most likely break the foundation of his life. Of the universe itself. Though, if a small dream could wreck Ray to his core, then Astrid could not fathom the events that would transpire if she did actually die. Astrid stroked his cheek and sighed as she looked at him as she debated on what to tell him that could possibly soothe him.

“I would never do that. Ever.” she assured him, now thinking of losing Ray and she knew that her anguish would be nothing compared to his “...I don’t know what I’d do with myself if you died. I’d probably be lost, and afraid. But please don’t…please don’t hang yourself off the staircase.” she shook her head at him “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you did.” she muttered to him.

Ray pulled her close to him, feeling her warmth against his body brought him comfort and forced them to lay back on the bed. His glasses smooshed against the pillows when Astrid pulled away to look at her husband with a soft smile “Take your glasses off. You’ll break them.” she muttered softly.

He shook his head “I want to fall asleep looking at your face.” he said.

“You wanna look at my boobs, too?” she asked playfully.

Ray chuckled, shaking his head “Maybe in the morning, before the kids wake up.” he said. 

Astrid cuddled close to her husband and kissed his forehead “I love you, Ray. And I know you love me more. But I’m gonna be here. I promise. I won’t go anywhere.” she assured him.

See the full post

29 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#4

|The F!r$t Incident |

A/N: This came to me randomly at work. I was going to make it some little meme thing, but I decided to write it out fully. There will be more parts. Hopefully. 

She heard the Hotline off in the distance, Jesse rolled her eyes as she got up from her desk and walked towards the noise. Jesse sighed as she thought of all the things she needed to get done today as she walked, thinking about lunch, meeting with Ahti later this afternoon, and new shoes because her new pair of heels snapped while she was walking across a firebreak. 

Jesse picked up the phone, expecting the Board to give her some cryptic poem about something she needed to worry about or do, but instead she heard a loud screeching noise before silence, and then an all-too-familiar, but also welcoming static voice of Former.

!!#&!!@ Panini?

“What?” Jesse muttered.

<//>$#!! Hungry.

“Umm…” Jesse responded nervously.

^&**@!!<>? Friend !!&??@ Goodbye

The line went dead and Jesse was left confused as she gently hung the receiver up and sat quietly in the room. As far as she could tell, Former was a friendly entity, and while she had to remain quiet on the details of their weird, friendly banter–she wished that Emily and the Research department could find something to answer her questions about the entity.

Jesse walked back into her office, thinking about lunch again when Arish rushed through her office door out of breath. Arish put a finger up, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to compose himself and stood at attention in front of Jesse.

“It’s raining food…” Arish managed to get out.

“What!?” Jesse asked.

The Head of Security nodded “It’s raining Racks of Ribs in Research. It’s a mess!” he proclaimed.

Jesse couldn’t believe it. She thought that maybe she had misheard Arish, or maybe he was hallucinating from another gas leak, but regardless she had to see it for herself as she and Arish hurried to the Research Sector where there was, in fact, racks of ribs falling from the ceilings and causing a mess that she genuinely thought not even Ahti could or even would clean up.

“Holy…shit…” Jesse managed out. The entire sector was hiding in offices, using trays from the cafeteria to shield themselves, or in Emily’s case, laying giant containers out to catch as much as possible to study them later. 

A rib hit Arish’s shoulder and left a smudge of sauce as it fell to the floor, and the man couldn’t stop himself as he wiped it onto his finger, took a sniff, and then tasted it.

Jesse turned to him just in time to see him do it. 

“Simon! No!” she insisted, pulling his hand away as he pondered the taste of the sauce.

After a few more minutes, the ‘storm’ finally stopped and Central Research was now flooded with hot, sticky ribs all over when Emily got everyone’s attention as they all talked amongst themselves.

“Please do not eat any of the ribs…I think that goes without saying, but please don’t!” she instructed before turning back to her team and instructed two researchers to grab the containers from earlier and take them into a lab for examination. 

Jesse instructed Arish to call Ahti “Let him know he has a massive mess to clean up…” Jesse said somberly before wading through the sea of food as she tried to reach Emily and follow her into the labs.

“It’s absolutely fascinating!” Emily told Jesse with her bright smile “But I wonder what could have caused this. It doesn’t appear that there was a shift or a threshold, just…ribs…” she spoke with glee, and Jesse couldn’t help but smile. 

The technicians, under the supervision of Dr. Darling, tested several pieces of the fallen food before, after nearly two hours, it was determined: They’re just ribs.

“Are you sure?” Emily asked.

Casper Darling sighed as he sat on a stool and nodded “Absolutely,” he reached behind him for a piece “I’m going to eat this, and the only thing that’s going to happen is my stomach is going to stop rumbling.” he said before taking a bite. 

Emily and Jesse watched in shock as the former mad scientist ate the strip, with a soft smile on his face before throwing the bone in the trash.

“Does it…taste good?” Jesse asked.

“Best damn rib I've ever had.” Darling said while chewing.

Emily sighed heavily “Well, okay…but we still need to figure out the anomaly. So, if you can start working on that…”

See the full post

31 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#3

“The Missing Gentleman” | Chapter One

After Raymond Smith goes missing, Charlie Waldo is called to the case and flown to England by a mysterious Michael Pearson who is desperate to find his friend/consigliere. But things aren’t all what they appear to be.

A/N: The Gentlemen/Last Looks crossover

((GIF BY @boydswan​))

It was a dark and stormy night in London, even the cab driver was having trouble seeing through the window when he finally pulled up to the brick manor and sighed with relief to know his chaotic ride was over. He paid the man and couldn’t help but feel sorry for him as he drove off.

Charlie Waldo adjusted his hat as he stood on the porch, glancing around to observe his surroundings and noted to himself that this seemed like every noir detective movie he had ever seen as a kid growing up. He turned to face the door and rang the doorbell, waiting patiently for someone to answer it. 

The door opened almost immediately, and there stood in front of him, a broad, tan man who was sharply dressed and had a welcoming smile.

“Detective Waldo?” he asked.

“Just Waldo is fine…” Charlie responded. 

The man nodded, inviting him in which Charlie immediately walked into. The house was warm, and the foyer was painted Tiffany’s Blue with minimal furniture, off in the distance music could be heard playing and Charlie couldn’t help but be slightly impressed. 

The man shook Charlie’s hand after he closed the door “I’m Michael Pearson, but you can call me Mickey.” he introduced himself. 

Charlie smiled as he shook his hand, “Charlie Waldo.” 

“Yes, yes. You were highly recommended by my contacts in the states.” Mickey said, his southern twang becoming obvious the more he spoke.

Charlie nodded, “I understand that this is a missing persons case?”

Mickey nodded as he escorted Charlie further into the house “Yes, my friend is missing, and I would like an extra set of eyes on the case.” 

The two men walked into the living room area where a tall, thin, brunette woman sat on the couch with a glass of scotch in her hand. She looked at Charlie and her frown immediately worsened as her brow furrowed.

“This is the detective your friends recommended?” she hissed.

Charlie didn’t take it personally, his grungy appearance wasn’t for the faint of heart, and after he grew out his beard again, he looked as though he could pass as a homeless person in Los Angeles. 

Mickey frowned at her, “This is my wife, Rosalind. Honey, this is Charlie Waldo. He came all the way from L.A to help us.” he retorted.

Ros hummed, standing up to extend her hand out which Charlie shook before glancing around the elegantly styled room. The aesthetic did not appear to align with the couple that he had just met, he cleared his throat while continuing to examine the room before his eyes fell upon a wedding photo of a couple that was not Mickey nor his wife.

“Is this your home?” Charlie asked.

Mickey shook his head while he put his hands in his pockets “No, this is our friend's house. His wife is upstairs, and we refuse to let her be here alone.” 

“And where is she?” Charlie turned to look at Mickey.

“She’s retreated to her bedroom. She honestly hasn’t left her bed since Ray went missing. The poor girl is absolutely broken.” Ros chimed in, Charlie could see the obvious pain in Ros’s eyes as she spoke of their friend's wife. 

Charlie took another gander of the living room and open dining room. He saw children’s toys lying in a pile by the fireplace and he glanced back at Mickey and Rosalind “Are there children in the house?” he asked.

“Usually. Yes. But since Astrid hasn’t gotten out of bed in nearly two weeks, we had Astrid’s father take their son, Enniss.” Rosalind explained while Charlie looked around the room to see various pictures of the family. At first glance, they seemed happy, well adjusted…Charlie was almost envious of them before he looked back at the couple.

“Astrid?” Charlie verified.

Mickey nodded “Yes, Astrid Smith. Her husband is Raymond…we can try to get her out of bed, I know she at least needs to shower and eat.” he said.

Charlie smiled softly, “I don’t want you guys to push her.” 

“Will you take the case at least?” Mickey asked, “It would seem rather redundant for you to come all the way here just to tell us ‘no’.” 

See the full post

40 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

#2

Before a Corroded Coffin show, Chrissy convinces Eddie to let her braid his hair, and he obliges so happily.

He forgets about it, goes on stage with it, it’s one of their best shows and a few big name photographers take shots of it…

And he’s got this braid in his fucking hair.

Meanwhile, after the show, Chrissy is trying to take it out but his hair is so curly and thick that she ends up putting a rat in his hair.

The guys hold him down while Chrissy tries to brush it out, unfortunately pulling and ripping chunks of his hair.

Chrissy: Eddie, I’m so sorry!

Eddie: Beauty is Pain. Beauty is Pain. Beauty is Pain! *tears up and squeezes his knee*

Garreth: Best. Gig. Ever! *snickers*

42 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

111 notes - Posted August 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[shiftythrifting]

Can you explain RAT SHIRT for me? I'm leaning toward getting one but I want to know what it means first.

If memory serves there was a shirt someone found at a Goodwill that just said RAT SHIRT all over and Otter drew some rats and we made our own version. For rat lovers everywhere!

[fuckyeahbillhader]

He will not be appearing this season due to It Chapter 2/Barry, unfortunately!

[i-m-snek]

Hey, I recently saw a video of live snake births and noticed they were all born breech. That didn't make sense to me, wouldn't it be easier head first? Do you know anything about this?

I honestly don’t know anything about live birthing snakes :( 

[tvvolips]

lude-n-lascivious replied to your post “Watch! Preacher! On! Tv! Don’t! Watch! It! Illegally! Low views means...”

It might make you happy to know that they're renewed the permit to shoot in New Orleans, if that doesn't mean season three I don't know what does. Besides, look how long that Halt and Catch Fire abortion has lasted? And don't forget that show Turn that literally no one has ever watched.

you’re totally right! I was feeling the same until Julie (who plays Featherstone) was tweeting like “if you want to see a season 3 keep watching live” and I was like “ oh  god what” ahhaha. but I would think Seth and others would be tweeting if it was in dire danger. 

[wilwheaton]

Seriously, what does it feel like to have an asteroid named after you? Weird, meh, awesome...?

It’s humbling. I feel like I have to work even harder, now, to live up to even higher expectations than I already had for myself. I mean, I need to live my life like a person who has an asteroid named after him. That’s an awesome responsibility.

[mostlycatsmostly]

This is my boy Iggy.  I’ve put birdseed outside the window with interesting results.

(submitted by @lude-n-lascivious)

[meyerlansky]

Is Anatol wearing a wig in boardwalk empire or is that his real hair?

definitely a hairpiece, i don’t think he’s had his real hair for any of his roles past 2000

[missxedith]

lude-n-lascivious replied to your photoset “princecamscorner: Mousa Kraish’s towel + “frontal” scene in American...”

Is that thing real??

LOL no it’s cgi

[the-real-kellymonster]

10 Favorite Movies Tag Game

Rules: Post 10 gifs from your favourite movies without naming them and then tag 10 people

I was tagged by the @sovietghoststories thanks luv 😘

This'll be 10 OF my favorite movies. I love waaaay too many movies to have an actual top ten

Tagging: @ratfink0521 @rancidrat86 @mewsiex @buckysforeverprincess @bolontiku @jax-h-moon @notthatlamia @lude-n-lascivious @suz-123 @priscillajeanohare or anyone who sees this and wants to do this, feel free ♥️

[rackhamsbonny]

Thanks to the lovely @davesjames for the tag ♡ Rules: write the first 10 songs that come up on shuffle (🚫 no skipping 🚫) and quote your favorite lyrics, then tag 10 people.

i. “ I’m Still Here ” - Goo Goo Dolls

‘ They can’t tell me who to be, ‘cause I’m not what they see. Yeah, the world is still sleepin’, while I keep on dreamin’ for me. And their words are just whispers and lies that I’ll never believe. ’

ii. “ Don’t ” - Larkin Poe

‘ I know what I am, I know what I need Don't try to sell me! ’

iii. “ Alone ” - Halsey

‘ Said he tried to phone me, but I never have time. He said that I never listen, but I don't even try. ’

iv. “ Journey To The Past ” - Christy Altomare

‘ One step at a time, one hope, then another, who knows where this road may go.  Back to who I was, on to find my future. Things my heart still needs to know. ’

v. “ Dear Theodosia ” - Leslie Odom Jr & Lin-Manuel Miranda

‘ You will come of age with our young nation, we’ll bleed and fight for you, we’ll make it right for you. If we lay a strong enough foundation, we’ll pass it on to you, we’ll give the world to you, and you’ll blow us all away. ’

vi. “ Candles ” - Daughter

‘ 'Cause we both know I'll never be your lover, I only bring the heat. Company under cover, filling space in your sheets. ’

vii. “ Non Me Ne Frega Niente ” - Levante

‘ Non me ne frega niente se mentre rimango indifferente il mondo crolla e non mi prende.  Non me frega niente se mentre la gente grida aiuto io prego non capiti a me!  Non me ne frega niente, se spente le luci tutto quello che succede non si vede!  Non me ne frega niente, di niente. ’

iix. “ Woman ” - DOROTHY

‘ Don't call me your woman, 'cause the good times have gone bad. Don't call me your woman, oh, till you act like a man. ’

ix. “ Panic Cord ” - Gabrielle Aplin

‘ We're just a box of souvenirs. Maybe I pulled the panic cord. Maybe you were happy, I was bored. Maybe I wanted you to change, maybe I'm the one to blame. Maybe you were just too nice to me, maybe it took me way too long to leave. Maybe once we felt the same. Maybe I'm the one to blame. ’

x. “ Devil Inside ” - London Grammar

‘ Here comes the woman with the look in her eyes. Raised on leather with flesh on her mind. Words as weapons sharper than knives Makes you wonder how the other half died. ’

I tag: @proinsiascassidy; @priscillajeanohare; @hermouthslipped; @fiwhore; @why-not-superwholock; @notthatlamia; @hilarythehamburger; @sheisa-mythic-bitch; @daylightisfadingaway & @lude-n-lascivious

[theboardwalkbody]

lude-n-lascivious replied to your post“Ok so here’s the thing about my Mental Illness™ and working: It’s...”

Medications like to promise the world, but instead you get lethargic, sleep more than you already do, chronic diarrhea, the shakes, feelings of being trapped in someone else's body, etc. I'm not trying to oversimplify your illness, but are you getting enough sunlight? Have you tried changing the room around? Changing/cleaning up surroundings does a lot. Sometimes, just staying busy will do a lot to make you not dwell on the illness.

Just because medication didn’t work for you doesn’t mean it doesn’t work at all.

There’s over 50 kinds of antidepressants alone, let alone anxiety meds, mood stabilizers and others. I don’t know how many you were on or how many you tried, but your combination that didn’t work might be someone else’s saving grace.

Yes, I have tried sunlight. Yes, I have tried Vitamin D supplements, Yes, I have tried drinking more water, exercising more, I have changed around rooms and offices more times than I can count, I’ve tried walking more, I’ve tried doing things (ASMR and going out) for distraction.

But here’s the thing - they’re temp fixes. I feel better for 30 minutes, great. Awesome. I’m cured. 

What happens when I’m done? When the panic attack happens regardless of how badly I try to distract myself? When it’s 4am and I can’t sleep because my brain wont turn the fuck off and I have work in one hour and now I’ve gotten no sleep?

Also - medications make you lethargic and sleep and chronic diarrhea? OK, well I already have all of those. I’m lethargic to a point where I don’t even care enough to talk to friends. Again - calling out of work, actively alienating friends and family, I sleep 12hrs a night and then take 2-3hr naps during the day. Chronic diarrhea is probably not a symptom of mental illness and rather some gastrointestinal issue but hey - whatever. I already have dissociative episodes, I already feel claustrophobic in my own skin, I already sometimes feel like I’m outside looking at myself, I already sometimes feel not real.

Maybe meds would make it worse, maybe they would make it better. I won’t know until I try. That’s all I’m aiming to do - is to try. I’ve tried those meds before, they didn’t work. But that was three out of DOZENS. I’ve been given fucking morphine for pain before. Guess what - instant anxiety cure is what that shit is. Fucking ace. I used to have a problem where I couldn’t understand people who abused drugs “what for?” I used to say “just to ‘stick it to the man? lol grow up’” I used to think. I understand now. I don’t blame people for that shit anymore. It’s a fucking thing that works, man. It’s a shit drug but it works. Maybe there’s a combo of meds out there that will do what that morphine did. That would be great. I felt like a fucking properly functioning human. 

I won’t stick with something that doesn’t work. But I’m not going to not try just because theres a possibility of it not working out. Because there’s a chance it won’t, but there’s also a chance it might help. 

Non-clinical methods don’t always work. Sometimes chemical intervention may be required. Sometimes a combo of both is the best solution.

I’m sorry that your meds didn’t work out for you, but it doesn’t mean the entire thing is a bust for everyone.

[goatsandgangsters]

lude-n-lascivious replied to your post “our building got a new boiler today so the heat was off, but now that...”

Are you lightheaded at all? I trying to make sure you're getting enough oxygen and not getting carbon monoxide poisoning

it is definitely an oil smell more than a gas, and I know we got a new carbon monoxide detector since. I’m probably going to sleep with the window next to my bed cracked just to get some fresh air circulation 

I’m not sure if the smell is getting fainter or if I’m getting used to it, but the smell is still there but doesn’t seem to be as strong with each subsequent radiator-coming-on so it might just be... getting it out of its system? like “new boiler smell” and the water in my radiator has been sittin in that and it’s coming up here bringing it’s weird smell with it? 

I’m gonna see if it abates on its own or what

[i-m-snek]

What's your favorite snake comic and/or meme?

“I don’t like no things” that William Snakespear (is that how its spelled? haha) Drew :3