#lying ass jerkoff

[freddiefiction]

Hi, different anon. Who is Lesley Ann Jones? The name keeps popping up.

I'm new to the fandom.

Lesley Ann Jones is a biographer who is known for embellishing and outright making up stories about celebrities, including Freddie Mercury, David Bowie and John Lennon. She probably most notorious for pushing the myth that Freddie had a romantic relationship with Barbara Valentin, which nearly all of Freddie’s close friends have dismissed as nonsense. In short, she’s a liar who profits off spreading sensationalised stories and making deceased celebrities look bad.

That’s the short version. If anyone else wants to add anything, feel free.

[incarnateirony]

20 COPIES OF THIS IN EVERY REBLOGGABLE FORM SO HER AND HER CRONIES CAN'T MISS IT

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup she just came in and tried to spam a bunch of random things and be normal Which on its own? Almost ok but this bitch wants to pretend she's a motherfucking mystic and charges people for it

She also managed to obsess about avatar again during this, and a crow playing in snow out of season. AND THIS GEM

THEN FUCKING DO IT AND BE PUBLICLY HONEST YOU FUCKING SCARLET LYING ABUSIVE WHORE. IF YOU THINK YOU AND MARK CAN WORK THROUGH IT THEN JUST FUCKING GET OVER IT AND DO IT ALREADY

SO YEAH HER BLOG IS STILL COVERED IN INDUCED ROT WHILE SHE TRIES TO BE NORMAL AND SPAM CUTE BIRD PICS. ZERO FUCKING MYSTIC COMMENTS EVEN DURING ONE OF THE MOST MYSTICALLY ACTIVE NIGHTS IN 20 YEARS. FAKE. FAKE FAKE FAKE. FRAUD MISS CLEO PIECE OF SHIT STEALING MY SHIT AND CHARGING PEOPLE. ANYWAY I'M AWAKE ARE MY IMAGES BACK

yes they ARE and anyway, love seeing exactly when i sleep and wake up

bitch posts that fucking thing about working on it together motherfucking unironically. motherfuck. fucking motherfuck I don't have other words. Absolutely motherfucking WHAT? The entire reason you haven't fully hopped off this shit and let me play in your frozen atohallan of a head like a crow in the snow in SPRING, is because you don't actually believe that, like you don't actually believe in ANYTHING you put on your fucking blog.

I AIN'T LETTING GO OF THIS SHIT UNTIL YOU LET GO OF ME BITCH. I HAD LET IT ALL GO BUT YOU JERKED YOUR WAY OFF BACK INTO MY LIFE AND IT'S NOT FUCKING HAPPENING AGAIN YOU UNRESTRICTED PIECE OF BREATHING TRASH

take the FUCKING CLUE IN GENERAL AND LET THIS SHIT GO. LET ME GO. LET THE PAST GO. WORK ON IT. IF YOU DON'T THINK MARK WILL DUMP YOU FOR ALL THE LIES AND MANIPULATION OF EVEN HIM YOU'VE DONE, AND IF YOU CAN FACE HIM HAVING LED YOU INTO THIS PIT OF HORSE SHIT FOR HIS OWN GAIN, THEN MOTHERFUCKING DO IT ALREADY AND STOP YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!

i am NOT ACCEPTING YOU TRYING TO QUIETLY SLINK OFF, ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT, YOU FUCKING CRACKHEAD PIECE OF STALKER SHIT, BECAUSE UNTIL I KNOW YOU'VE COMPLETELY FUCKING FIXED THIS SHIT YOU'RE JUST GOING TO KEEP COMING BACK TO FUCK ME UP LIKE YOU HAVE FOR **TWENTY FUCKING YEARS AND THREE, AND SIX MONTHS, AND NOW**. FUCKING NO. YOU'RE GONNA SAY IT AND FIX YOUR LIES ON MAIN FOR EVERYONE YOU'VE FUCKED UP ABOUT HIM WITH YOUR DELUSIONAL ROLEPLAY JERKOFFS YOU CALL MAGIC CRYING INTO MY OLD AND NEW ROMANCE PLAYLISTS.

YOU ARE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING TURN AROUND, AND GO BACK, AND LEARN RIGHT IF YOU WANT TO LEARN HIM OR FRANKLY ANYONE AT ALL BEYOND SLAPPING REBLOG AND PUTTING CANDY IN YOUR FACE. NO MORE DOUBLING DOWN IN REVERSE IN THE WRONG FUCKING DIRECTION.

stop defending you changing his gender behind the cut, you piece of shit. You are literally arguing against one of hermes' seven rules with your post about henry behind the cut, you lying piece of fraud trash. HE HAS SEVEN AXIOMS AND YOU FUCKED THEM UP BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW ANY OF THEM.

PUT THAT IN HUMAN, SEE HOW THAT SOUNDS. NO, YOU DON'T GET TO GO 'BUT THEY NOT HUMAN' IF YOU PRETEND TO HAVE EVER KNOWN HERMES, YOU FUCKING LYING TERF PIECE OF MISS CLEO SHIT.

bitch DEADASS BROKE OUT THE TERF/ANTI TRANS CHROMOSOME THING AS HER REASON AND CAN'T EVEN FUCKING SEE IT BECAUSE SHE'S THAT FUCKED UP, OFF, AND IN.

nonono shea. Look at mark and say, "Only XX chromosome humans get periods so I WILL use female pronouns." and see how that goes over. Again, no, you don't get to say BUT BIRD. Birds defy gender convention often, some of the most often in the animal kingdom, and that bird still grew up getting called and being happy with masculine names, pronouns, nicknames, that he identified the world through, and you're just gonna terf into changing it because some bullshit about CHROMOSOMES even though Hermes teaches GENDER IN EVERYTHING, NOT JUST PEOPLE. Fucking fraud harlot terf piece of shit. Abusive fucking stalker.

Here, I'll motherfucking help your trash ass, and you'll realize you read this years ago and you marked it under Unimportant Details. I'll even highlight the ones you've either violated or proven yourself ignorant to the last month.

The principle of mentalism "The All is Mind; the Universe is Mental."

The principle of correspondence "As above, so below; as below, so above.” […] This principle embodies the truth that there is always a correspondence between the laws and phenomena of the various planes of being and life. (YOU KEEP PRETENDING ALL EVENTS ARE RANDOM AND ARBITRARY EVEN WHEN DECLARED OR WITH A CONSISTENT PLOT)

The principle of vibration "Nothing rests; everything moves; everything vibrates." (ARGUABLY YOU'RE IGNORING THIS WHILE I MUSIC MAGIC YOU INTO THE VOID)

The principle of polarity "Everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled." Wet and dry, cold and hot. (PEANUT FUCKING BUTTER)

The principle of rhythm "Everything flows, out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates." The swing of the pendulum. (ALSO PEANUT FUCKING BUTTER. your self admitted disjointed pendulum too. )

The principle of cause and effect "Every cause has its effect; every effect has its cause; everything happens according to law; chance is but a name for law not recognized; there are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes the law." (AGAIN YOU KEEP PRETENDING THIS IS ALL RANDOM AND NO RULES APPLY TO YOU)

The principle of gender "Gender is in everything; everything has its masculine and feminine principles; gender manifests on all planes." (YOUR WEIRD CHROMOSOME BASED TRANSPHOBIC SHIT YOU'RE DEFENDING)

OH??? THEY'RE THE RULES THE XORVINTAAL WAS BASED ON? I KNOW YOU WERE DISTRACTED BECAUSE I MADE THAT CHARACTER UNFUCKABLE BUT YOU'D REALLY THINK YOU UNDERSTOOD BY NOW THAT NOTHING I DO IS RANDOM. NOW REBLOG ME ANOTHER KION IN THE VOID ABYSS OF HIS RESOLUTION OF BEING THE ONE WITHOUT SEEING IT AGAIN.

fake ass piece of shit channeling my dick for years, sobbing into our old playlists, mixing in my new ones, and lying to everyone around you for motherfucking years while you charge them for your own un-therapy.

Bitch i'm not motherfucking kidding, you are literally only this fucked up because you fell in love with a magus, betrayed him at the tough part (several times actually! I was almost here 11 years ago until you fucked me up! hence everything being stuck in an echo loop you're pretending not to see between here and there!), and refuse to fucking comprehend what being the magus is, or what the path was ever about the entire fucking time. so now you're trying to stalk, roleplay, hump, and groom other people into a way back into my life while shaking my shadows and refusing to accept that's what's going on.

I DONT KNOW IF YOU HAVE MOTHERFUCKING NOTICED, STARLIGHT, BUT WE ARE, IN FACT, LITERALLY OFF THE MOTHERFUCKING RAILS UNTIL YOU FIX YOUR ABSOLUTE DELUSIONAL HORSE SHIT AND FACE YOURSELF AND SPEAK THE TRUTH.

NEVER THOUGHT I'D MEET A HUMAN SHAPED LANDFILL, THEN I MET THE GRAND NIECE OF HITLER, WHO WAITED TO INFORM ME OF THAT DETAIL FOR A DECADE UNTIL A FEW YEARS AFTER I MOVED IN WITH HER. LIKE 'OH BY THE WAY WE GET TO INHERIT HITLER'S SHIT MY PARENTS HAVE IT IN THE ATTIC' WHAT THE FUCK.

Just like you only Perform religion and spirituality, you only Perform trans allyship. You don't really support Mark for being trans. You met Mark in a disassociated digital form that came in as male to you for the most part. You refused to divide me from my external sex and insisted I kept shoving my gender, identity, spirituality and everything in a motherfucking box for you to play with like a ken doll, and the second I was withdrawing it for a mix of realizing you were full of shit, dangerous to both of us, and me working 60-70 hours a week to support your habits, you motherfucking ran off to throw me out the door. And then sat there in a void of absence of everything you wanted. And started wearing my shadow like a fucking scarf.

NO MEANS NO, SHEALYN. AND DRAWING THIS ABSOLUTE MOTHERFUCKING BOUNDARY REGARDLESS OF IGNORANT WHINY FANS OR CRONIES OF YOURS SPAMMING MY INBOX or STUPIDASS FEAR OF LOSING NONSENSE FOLLOWERS, IS THE MOST LIBERATING FUCKING THING I'VE EVER FUCKING DONE, SO LET US FUCKING GO.

you LITERALLY cannot parasitically attach to my path with him and pick up from there, that is LITERALLY the motherfucking opposite of how this works. You wanna know him? Turn around, go back to at least 2012 like you were doing a few weeks ago before you panicked and doubled down backwards again because you DON'T trust your ability to work it out with Mark, and fucking learn him yourself, and find yourself. Yourself is already screaming at you though, and as your cheap piece of cowardly shit ass does, you ran from that too, but it's still chasing you.

ALL THE WAY BITCH!! NO HALF!! WTF IS HALF!!! I EVEN ASKED YOU THAT THROUGH GNOSIS GUY THAT TALKED ABOUT PROTECTING MY D WITH MICHAEL'S FLAMING SWORD BEFORE YOU FUCKED UP AND TRIED TO SUMMON MICHAEL, AND BEFORE YOU MET THE AIR JORDAN GUY THAT GOT SHOT AND HAD HIS COLLECTION STOLEN YOU TRIED TO GO HALF ON AND THOUGHT YOU WERE THE FUCKING BENEFACTOR ON THE FULL MOON NIGHT I DECLARED A MANIFESTATION ON AND YOU SAID WAS WEIRD ENERGY. YOU HEARD 'AIR JORDANS' BECAUSE USHER WAS IN TARTARUS AT THE BIG GAME, YOU DENSE ASS PIECE OF SHIT. HE BROUGHT CUSTOM AIR JORDANS.

it was a whole ass thing!!! so the collective gave it to you as motherfucking air jordans on my FUCKING ghost.

even in your MOTHERFUCKING ROLEPLAY GAMES YOU PRETENDED YOU COULD CONVERT TO SPIRITUAL CHANNELING, SHEALYN.

COYOTE TOLD CRYSTAL THE ENTIRE TIME.

YOU DO NOT WANT THIS. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME. I CAN GIVE YOU SECURITY AND A PLACE TO STAY BUT THIS WILL NOT LAST. HE AND I WROTE A WHOLEASS SONG ABOUT IT. AND BOTH THAT SONG AND THE CURRENT ONE THROUGH THE UNIVERSE IS MOTHERFUCKING FOR **YOU** GARFIELD.

YOU MAY BE ABLE TO GROOM A BIRD WITH THE INTELLIGENCE CAP OF A TWO YEAR OLD INTO LOVING YOU, BUT YOU CANNOT FORCE ME INTO YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LIFE.

[discardpile]

What comes out of your mouth when your verbal dhiarreah starts in asshole trainset boy playing in traffic, nigger?

Apologies, or are you talking shit and trying to master trick shots in traffic from an overhead view camera nigger?

12:47am

Trying to watch "your" sea monkeys grow in your aquarium while you burn them nigger?

There isn't anything that you haven't teabaggged, nigger. I'd avoid getting married just to protect my spouse and inlaw's family from the sanctity being desecrated by your faggot tantrum throwing nigger ass. Make everything sacred worthless by your touch, then turn everything in the color palate to shit and start flinging mud you fatfuck hippopotamus egyptian river-pig nigger.

Why would anybody bother trying or putting their heart and feelings into anything when the person knows their creation is just going to be stepped on and disrespected and desecrated by some faggot who did none of the work pouring their heart out and putting their soul into anything, "WHILE" trying to stake a claim of glory for themselves nigger.

How hard would you try when creating something hoping to be praised or loved, knowing that it's only going to be sacrificed to the fucking devil because some faggot wants to make money off of my selfless creations and generosity and thoughtfulness, meant for the privacy of friendships and intimacy between them, as if that needs to be explained first before you can know how you're supposed to behave, nigger my blood sweat and tears while leaving me at the bottom to stay poor and disrespected while you get rich and famous and mock my downfall by your faggot jerkoff hand, nigger.

Are you telling me that my ex roomate appealed to a court to keep me in your nigger status until they can have what I have nigger?

Seriously what do you honestly think the climax of victory is going to be if all I have to do Is knock you the fuck down from the pedestal you put yourself on, and the high place you elevated yourself to, nigger.

I've gotten rid of you before nigger. You're a fucking disease and diseases take time to be "mercifully" destroyed and removed from the body and the immune system.

What else have you done with your life nigger "daddy", besides having a father-in-law that pays your way in power and luxury to be a glorified babysitter hovering over me and waiting for the opportunity to throw my words and my deeds back in my face whenever you think a guilt trip is going to manipulate what you want out of me nigger.

Maybe your life would have been better or maybe you would not still be a "slave to the system" if you had stopped lying to me to save your own face, and dangling a carrot of false pretenses and aspiring drug bust setups nigger. How many of you answer to a master that keeps themselves hidden from me nigger? Do I know them? How old was I when we first met? Are they related to me nigger? Is it the word setup or set that gets your rocks off nigger?

All you care about is preserving "your" throne and abuse of power through electricity, nigger.

I didn't ask you for consolation river-pig. I told you to get out of my life.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I think Brian always understood that M&M was a story important to tell both for personal and like social reasons

I don’t know if he realized the social significance of it—he might have, idk—but I think he recognized that Jim simply had the right to tell his story, even if he wasn’t personally comfortable with reading the book. Plus, he probably recognized that there were bigger fish to fry with legitimately damaging texts about Freddie, such as tabloids or Leslie Ann Jones’ (Lying Ass Jerkoff’s) book.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Tremors

Let's get you out of the sun for a spell.

Please move your fat ass.

Well, when I'm your age I'll probably forget what I eat, too.

How many cows does it take to make a stampede? Is it like three or more? Is there a minimum speed?

You will have long blonde hair, big green eyes, nice full breasts that stand up and say hello, ass that won't quit. And legs, legs that go all the way up!

Yeah, well, I'm getting what I refer to scientifically as "weird vibes."

They're all the same; dead weight. Can't make a decision, can't walk because of their shoes, can't work because of their fingernails. Make my skin crawl!

Well, I'm a victim of circumstance.

Twenty years of looking for a woman exactly like Miss October 1968, and where'd it get me?

Down, honey, down.

The way you worry, you're gonna have a heart attack before you get to survive World War III.

Right. We plan ahead. That way we don't do anything right now.

The idea was; we were ripping you off.

Now, you know I'm good for it.

Are we too easy-going?

If we're gonna take the plunge we oughta have a better plan than that.

Stop it! Stop it, you horrid animal!

God almighty, my mama sure didn't raise me for this.

You're the one's gotta have a plan.

What keeps us doing jobs like this is you dragging your feet.

You gonna stand there in broad daylight and tell me you think I'm the reason we're still here?

I'll call that little bluff.

Forget it, man. It's not worth it.

We did it! We faced temptation and we did not bend!

Last chance, asshole.

Jeez, look at that guy.

You're full of shit.

He must've really been drunk this time.

You damn fool, you owe me on this one

Well, whatever the hell happened it's just one more goddamn good reason to haul ass out of this place.

Hey, where the hell's that asshole dog?

We got a killer on the loose!

He's cutting people's heads off!

I'd high-tail for town if I was you!

The phone is out!

We've gotta get the police up here.

Well, there's sure as hell nothing to stop us now.

Is some higher force at work here?

Are we asking too much of life?

You on a booze break or what?!

Where are the bullets? Don't we have any goddamn bullets?

Hey, I don't want spend the night out here!

What the hell you doing back already?

Unreal! Where'd you get it?

It's disgusting.

So, it's some kind of snake?

It's dead all right. Tore the damn thing in half.

There's gotta be more out there, a lot more.

Slick as snot and I'm not lying.

Look, we organize, we arm ourselves.

We go out, we find those damn snake things, we make 'em extinct.

Might be aliens. Who knows?

Why go looking for trouble?

Phone's out. Road's out. We're on our own.

I'm dead. Let's finish in the morning.

Just keep looking at that beautiful sky.

Damn that thing!

Well, what's wrong with it?

You sure this is where it was?

God, what a stink!

Something's got me!

Oh, God! Get me Out!! GET ME OUT!!

Somebody stop it!

You want the rifle or the Smith?

IT'S GOT ME! IT's GOT ME! AAAAHGH!

You stupid punk!

One of these days, [NAME], somebody's gonna kick your ass.

Come back with the Sheriff.

Come back with the National Guard.

That means we're gonna be out here, like, in the dark.

Oh, man, I hate this shit.

Ride like hell.

How could they bury an entire Plymouth station wagon?

They're under the goddamn ground!

There must be a million of them!

It's gaining on us!

We can do it, we can do it!

We killed the bastard!

Did you just notice something weird?

Think it smells like that 'cause it's dead?

I think they shoot right outta its mouth, hook you, and pull you right in.

Good thing we stopped it before it killed anybody else.

I'm lucky it didn't find me.

This is like, well, let's say it, it's probably the biggest zoological discovery of the century.

Just look at what we caught here!

This is one big mother!

Come on, nobody's ever seen one of these!

There are five more of these things!

Five more?

If you compare the different readings, there have to be five.

There's nothing like them in the fossil record, I'm sure.

I'd vote for outer space. No way those are local boys.

The government built them, a big surprise in the next war.

How the hell's it even know we're still here?

It can sense the slightest seismic vibration, hear every move we make.

I always wanted to be stuck on a desert island. But somehow I always imagined, you know, water.

You know, I hate to be crude, but I'm gonna have to take care of some business here.

I'll tell you, if you ever wanted proof God is a man, this is it.

Running's not a plan. Running is what you do when the plan fails.

You're not even trying to come up with a plan!

Think it's still following us?

You go north, I'll go south.

Well, I'm scared, but I'm not sorry.

All right, I'm about as subtle as a donkey's ass.

You think we're not even safe here in town?

I think we should all get the hell out while the getting's good.

You should have a theory at least.

This valley's just one long smorgasbord and if we don't haul ass outta here we're the next course.

You little ass wipe!

You knock that off or you're gonna be shitting that basketball!

Where are we going to go that's safer than right here?

I'm gonna kick his ass!

Man, you got a gun?!

Big as a house!

Remember, no noise. No vibration.

Get off your pogo stick!

Go back, for chrissake!

Come on! Outta your pants!

Just run! Run like screaming fuck!

This oughta hurt like hell.

So, is that one of your usual jobs, saving peoples' lives?

How long till they go away?

Shut it up! Shut the little bastard up!

Quiet! Quiet you hateful thing!

Chuck him out the door!

Son of a bitchin' lowlife, putrid, scum.

I got enough food here to last us for weeks.

Jesus! Shut it off!

Can't you shout a little quieter?

How the hell long it take you to change a tire?

They're coming after you! They're coming right now!

Big monsters under the ground, [NAME]!

Broke into the wrong goddamn rec room, didn't you, you BASTARD!

We killed that motherfucker!

Uh, be advised, however, there are four more, repeat, four more motherfuckers.

They got one! They killed one of the sons of bitches!

You're not getting any penetration, even with the elephant gun.

Never figured on having to shoot through dirt! Best goddamn bullet stop there is.

They can feel our vibrations, but they can't find us.

The bastards are up to something.

Oh, wow, man! No way! No fucking way, man!

They're gonna tear this whole town out from under us!

We'll come get everybody. Just hang on tight.

Since when the hell's every goddamn thing up to us?!

We don't have a hell of a lot of time here.

We need a helicopter is what we need, or a goddamn tank.

Jesus. It's slower than hell.

Couldn't we distract them somehow?

We need a decoy.

Hey, [NAME], you wanna make a buck?

We're gonna save our asses here!

Get real. I'm faster than you.

Damn. Guess I have to do it.

Watch your ass, shithead.

Don't worry about me, jerkoff.

You goddamn suicidal son of a bitch!

He'll never make it! They're gonna get him!

HEY, YOU SORRY SONS OF BITCHES, COME AND GET ME!

Goddamn good thinking!

Me next!

Get me off of here!

We got about three seconds!

God damn! Armored transport!

What do you think? Max firepower or...?

I'd go for penetration.

Give me a gun! I'll take one!

I wouldn't give you a gun if it was World War Three.

Underground goddamn monsters?!

Any sign of'em?

Maybe they're taking a dump.

What the hell are they doing? They're up to something.

I don't care what they're doing as long as they're doing it way over there.

They dug a trap! I can't believe this!

Hungry?! Eat this!!

Here they come! They're coming back!

They'll sure as hell get us if we stay here!

[NAME] do you have any more of those things?

Then, when the explosion happens, if it drives them away again, we all run like goddamn bastards!

What if it doesn't scare them? What if they don't run?

They're so sensitive to sound, they have to run! It hurts too much!

We're gonna run. Get ready.

They're too fast! You can't outrun them, no way!

It worked! There they go!

You asshole! There's no bullets in this gun!

Could we make it to the mountains?

What's the matter with you? What are you talking about?!

Those animals would have killed you!

You haven't seen what they can do.

They're not falling for it!

I'll make'em pay attention, goddamnit

We can't kill them all.

Use the fucking bomb!

This better be one great plan!

We could make some real money off this whole thing, get in People magazine.

Sell the movie rights.

You're really leaving, huh?

There's going to be major research up here.

And thanks for everything, you know, saving my life and stuff.

Civil? I'm civil.

You're not civil, you're glum.

We got the world by the tail with a downhill pull and all of a sudden you go glum on me.

Somebody paying you to do this?

She just practically asked you for a date.

God, my work is never done.

Fine, make the mistakes I did.

I think I'll just be playing this hand myself.

I'd goddamn worship her.

Can you fly, sucker?! CAN YOU FLY?!

[ms-demeanor]

About your George in the Jungle, isn't that film sexist? Objectifying men? How can feminism claim to say objectifying women is bad, not not men? Sounds like hypocrisy to me. George's entire character is that he's attractive and nothing more. Where are the women pointing out how sexist this film is?

*Sigh*

Point by point.

No the film isn’t sexist.

The film derives some humor out of subverting the trope of objectification by having some characters briefly objectify George but the *film* does not treat George as an object. (For instance in the “what is it with women and horses” scene the men who don’t understand that the women feel lust and sexual attraction are part of the joke, but so are the women who got so horned up by seeing George in a field that they had to stop and stare dreamily - it’s the “got distracted by a hot lady and walked into a pole” cartoon bit)

Feminism in general doesn’t claim that objectifying women is bad but objectifying men is not. Typically feminism doesn’t support objectifying *anyone.*

It sounds like hypocrisy to you because you’ve built this strawman to be a hypocrite.

No it’s not. George’s personality MUCH more than his body and it’s really disappointing that you would overlook his characterization as a sweet generous person and pathos of him being a stranger in a strange land because you can’t see past his body, omg that’s so shallow.

They’re busy losing to you in the arguments you have in your head when you shower. Don’t pretend that if someone sat down and talked about how Batman is sexist against men you wouldn’t roll your eyes and do the jerkoff motion.

I like that you can really tell how you’ve read and considered that post because George’s entire character arc is that he is kind and curious and takes care of his friends and family. That Whole Ass Post is about George as a model for healthy masculinity.

If you think that a film that is objectifying a character simply because he’s got abs you could grate cheese on and an ass like a peach while doing all of that (being generous and listening and aiding an escape instead of having a big final fight showdown) then your consideration of the film isn’t very important to me because you’re looking at the shallowest aspects of it instead of analyzing it with any depth.

HOWEVER

If you want to talk about the fact that Brendan Fraser was probably dehydrated and starving during much of the filming in order to be that cut in a movie where he’s almost always shirtless and if you want to talk about the fact that there are major issues with Hollywood presenting unrealistic body standards for people of all genders OR if you want to talk about the fact that Brendan Fraser was sexually assaulted by a producer after filming George of the Jungle and was punished by the industry for talking about it and that male assault victims are still largely dismissed and ignored by society then I’m fuckin’ HERE for it.

I am *ESPECIALLY* here for it if you want to discuss the way that fit, muscular men in particular experience victim blaming when they make the decision to disclose assault and I would LOVE to talk about how that specific type of victim blaming is explicitly about punishing very masculine people for their “poor” performance of masculinity in ADDITION to punishing them for attempting to seek justice for their assault.

And I would LOVE to talk about how “you’re so big and strong, you should have been able to fight him off, you must have wanted it or you must be lying” directly ties in with excessive praise for bravery when a victim DOES fight off an assault and how BOTH of those things erase the fact that power dynamics outside of pure physical strength are behind a LOT of sexual assault and how those things reinforce the idea that sexual assault is a purely physical crime instead of one that frequently involves a physically weaker person injuring a physically stronger person.

Anyway.

*Dabs*

George of the Jungle is a good movie, y’all should watch it.

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

Lying arse shitbag? Honestly, anon, that's so disrespectful.

Her name is Lying Ass Jerkoff.

Lmao I love all the names that you guys have been coming up with. There can never be enough names for a fucker like her.

[gleefuldarrencrissfan]

Rim Job is finally complete!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24411913/navigate

Chapter 5- Payback

 “Blaine, honey.  Look at me, please.  I promise that it’s fine,” Kurt pleaded at his boyfriend who was buried under a stack of blankets.  “Please.”

A muffled voice came out from under a pile of blankets.  “I can’t.  I won’t ever be able to look you in the eye ever again,” Blaine groaned.  “It’s mortifying.

“You can’t look me in the eye anyway, shortie.” Kurt teased, gently tugging at the blanket that was on top.  “It’s ok.  It happens.  People fart.”

“But not in their boyfriend’s mouth.” Blaine sighed, letting his hand poke out of the blanket a little to swat at his boyfriend and immediately cover himself back up.”

“If you don’t come out of there, I won’t be able to finish what we were doing.”

Blaine popped out of the blankets sheepishly so that his boyfriend could see the shock on his face.  “Wait, you want to continue?  Even after I- did that?”

Kurt took his boyfriend’s hand in his.  “Of course I do.  It was an accident.  It’s not something you’ll make a habit of.  And it’s not like I’ve never farted during sex.”

“You have?” Blaine’s eyebrows arched in confusion.  I never noticed.”

“That’s because you are very loud in bed.  Although it’s happened more than once and I was sure you noticed.”

“If I did, it wasn’t what I was focused on.  I focus on the noises coming out of your mouth and the expressions on your face.”

“Likewise.  Actually, had you not jerked away from me and buried yourself under a mountain of blankets, I would’ve never brought it up,” Kurt explained.

“So you aren’t disgusted?” Blaine questioned, turning his head to look his boyfriend in the eye.

“No.  Intimacy is messy.  That’s why it’s meant to be private.  Shared only between the two of us.  I couldn’t be grossed out because it’s you.  Remember that night that you got drunk at Rachel’s party.” Blaine blushed in embarrassment.  “You threw up on my Doc Martens.  That was gross, but it didn’t stop me from wanting to be with you.”

“I threw up on your shoes and you still wanted to date me?”

Kurt nodded.  “Because you’re you.  I love you, Blaine.  All of you, even the messy, stinky, or awkward parts of you, if I didn’t make that obvious by what we’ve done this weekend.  I wouldn’t just agree to wax my ass for anyone.  And I definitely wouldn’t give just anyone a rim job.  Only you.”

Blaine smiled.  “So you didn’t hate it?”

“Are you kidding?  I”ve never been so turned on in my life.  I thought your dirty talk was erotic before, but damn, Blaine.  Your mouth can get absolutely filthy, Mr. there are certain words I try not to say,” Kurt teased as he kissed Blaine’s cheek.  “It was so sexy. I kinda came on your sheets.  The ones you’re wrapped up in right now.”

Blaine stared at his boyfriend in disbelief. “Wait! You came?  I didn’t even touch you,” 

“On contraire, the way you pulled my hair, scratched my back.  It was the sexiest I’ve ever seen you, with your legs spread open for me, ass in the air, smooth and perfect.  You’re gorgeous, Blaine, and I loved every moment of it,” Kurt explained, kissing Blaine square on the lips.  “In fact, I think I’m ready to pick up where we left off.  Bend back over so we can continue where we left off,” 

“Hell yes,” Blaine sputtered as practically yanked the rest of the blankets off and let them drop to the floor as Kurt pushed him back on the bed.

“Roll over, baby, so I can fulfill your fantasy.”

“Kurt,” Blaine took his boyfriend’s hand lovingly in his own.  “Really, we don’t have to finish if you don’t wan-”

He was answered by Kurt flipping him over and pulling him to the edge of the bed, dropping to his knees on the floor.  “Less talkin’ unless you’re telling me what you want me to do to you.  Tell me, Blaine.” Kurt said, blowing hot breath over Blaine’s parted cheeks.  “What do you want right now.”

“Your tongue, on my ass.  Please,” Blaine begged.

“As you wish,” Kurt said, and then proceeded to lick at the pink asterisk that was so plainly on display in front of him.  Kurt started with a kitten lick, tentative and slow.  “Like this?”

“Kurt, you little tease, like before.  Harder.”

Kurt ran his tongue in the crease of Blaine’s thigh.  Right here?” he teased again.  Kurt felt Blaine’s body shiver underneath him.  

“Tickles,” Blaine chuckled.  “Kurt, please, don’t tease.”

“Then say it.  Say what you want me to do to that gorgeous pink hole of yours.

“Lick it, baby,” Blaine whined.  “Lick it like it’s mocha flavored ice cream.  Run that gorgeous pink tongue all over it.”

“Right here,” Kurt questioned as his tongue ran slickly over Blaine’s puckered hole.

“God Yes, Kurt!  Like that.  Right there.  Right there.”  Blaine hollered, his head jerking back as Kurt licked at Blaine’s entrance, lapping it in long strokes first and then adjusting to short, flicking motions with his slick, wet tongue.”

“Yes, Kurt!  Yes!  Fuck me with your perfect tongue.  Please!” Blaine panted, his voice cracking at the end. “So perfect.”

“God Blaine, yes! Kurt said as thrust his tongue inside Blaine’s hole, lathing it with his saliva as he jerked his own erection.

“So close,” Blaine moaned, his body spasming and thrashing against the mattress.  “I’m gonna-”

Blaine didn’t even get to finish his sentence as stars shot in front of his eyes and the most intense orgasm he had ever had exploded in every nerve in his body.  

______________________________________________________________________

“Blaine!  Blaine!  Baby? Are you ok?”

Blaine opened his eyes to his boyfriend stroking his face.  “Did I black out?”

Kurt nodded.  “You scared me for a second there.  I thought you might have had a seizure or something.  You just got really quiet, but I didn’t worry quite as much when I saw the wall.”

“It hit the wall?” Blaine’s head jerked around so he could see where Kurt pointed.

Kurt nodded.  “Yep.  But I cleaned it up.  You’ve been out for like five minutes.  Was it really that good?”

“I didn’t get to finish with you yesterday, but yes, it really was.  And now, I get to show you, after a few more minutes of recovery,” Blaine smiled as he rested his head on Kurt’s milky, white chest.  “Would you like me to?”

Kurt nodded.  “It actually felt pretty amazing for me too.  Until Cooper barged in on us.  Where is he, by the way?  He hasn’t barged in on us once today.”

“Oh shit!”  What time is it?”

At that exact moment, Kurt heard a buzzing.  “Is that your phone?”

“Nightstand,” Blaine pointed.  “I turned off the ringer so that we didn’t get interrupted.  He’s called three times and sent seven texts. I hope he’s alright.”

“What’s wrong?” Kurt inquired, pulling on his underwear.  “Is he ok?”

“He left a message,” Blaine said as he cleaned himself with the damp cloth that Kurt had set aside for them.  “Oh God!  He went for the wax without me.”

“Is he mad?”

“He sent a video message.”

Cooper popped up on the screen, waving wildly as he sat shirtless on a massage table while a few women busied themselves with tasks in the parlor. “Hey Squirt!  Thanks for making the appointment for me.  I know you said you’d go with me, but it sounded kinda awkward to have my brother come with me while I get my ass waxed so I went without you.  I decided to get my chest waxed too.  They told me I’d be three times sexier if my rock hard chest was smooth.  I asked one of the ladies to record it so you could see the results.  So far, It’s not so bad,” Cooper said as a pretty Asian woman slathered the wax on his chest.  “They tried to get me to shave it first but I told them I could take it.  The wax actually feels pretty- HOLY SHIT!”  Cooper screeched as the lady ripped off the large strip of wax near his nipple.  “ BLAINE, YOU LITTLE JERKOFF!  THAT HURTS LIKE HELL!  TURN IT OFF!  HELL NO, I'M NOT LYING BACK DOWN.  AND THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL YOU’RE JERKING THE HAIRS OUT OF MY ASS.  BLAINE, I’M KICKING YOUR ASS WHEN I GET HOME.  ACTUALLY, NO.  I HAVE A BETTER IDEA.”  

The video ended abruptly.  

Kurt fell back on the bed laughing.  “Oh my God!  That was priceless. Did you tell them to do that?”

Blaine nodded as a massive grin spread across his face. “Next time, he’ll call first,” he chuckled.  

He sounded pretty pissed.  What do you think he might mean by saying that he had a better idea.”

“I don’t know.  It’s Cooper.  Remember when he got the bright idea to try to sneak backstage at that Queen concert because he was “famous” enough that the security guard would just let him back.”

“How long is banned from the Nationwide Arena?” Kurt laughed.

“Until 2022,” Blaine chuckled.  “If his big idea is as well thought out as that one, we have nothing to worry about.  Besides, don't you always say that karma’s a bitch?”

“Almost as big of one as I can be,” Kurt added with a smile.

“You are not a bitch unless someone deserves your wrath, and then you just dish out what’s coming?” Blaine said, kissing Kurt with a loud mwah sound.  

“And you know what should be coming right now?  Me.  I believe we have unfinished business,” Kurt growled, pulling Blaine down on top of him.

_____________________________________________________________________ 

Half an hour later, both boys are lying naked on Blaine’s bed, kissing lazily, loosely wrapped up in a thin sheet.  Kurt let out a sigh and kissed Blaine squarely on the lips.

Kurt sighed as he kissed Blaine sweetly on the forehead.  “Now I get it.  The reason you blacked out.  That was amazing, Blaine.  Totally worth the waxing, although I probably won’t endure that again.”

Blaine nuzzled Kurt’s cheek.  “I told you that you didn’t need to do it just for me.  It’s up to you.  I put the wax away in the bathroom cabinet in case you want to do it again.”

“Did you push it to the back? I don’t want your housekeeper or your mom finding it and asking us where it came from.  It was bad enough when Lupe found our lube and told your mom about it.” Kurt chuckled as his fingers caressed his boyfriend’s bare chest.  

Blaine nodded to signify that he agreed.  “That was mortifying. I got “the talk” after that.”

“Oh please.  My dad gave me the talk after you decided that he needed to give me one.  It couldn’t have been been as bad as the one my dad gave me.  There were pamphlets. How could your experience be worse than mine.”

“My mom gave me a family-sized box of condoms and then demonstrated how to put one on using a banana.”

Kurt laughed. “Oh my god.  That is so much worse,” That’s the reason you almost upchucked when I suggested banana splits that weekend.” Kurt chuckled. 

 Blaine nodded as Kurt’s phone beeped. “Hey, no phones when we’re messing around,” Blaine reminded Kurt.  

I’m sorry but it’s buzzed three times.  I figured it might be important.   He grabbed his phone and started checking his notifications.  “Hey, Cooper posted something on your Twitter wall,” Kurt said with a smile.  

Blaine reached over and grabbed his phone from the nightstand.  “I hope it’s the waxing video.  That was hilari-” Blaine froze.  “Oh my God!  Kurt, did you read it?  He tagged us both.” Blaine asked, thrusting his phone in Kurt’s face.

“Oh my God!  I’m going to kill him!”

Cooper Anderson aka slash savings:  So I have a big announcement.  I’ve got a gig on a brand new show that will air next summer.  Thanks to my baby bro, Blainey and his beau, Kurt Hummel, for the advice on rimming.  Apparently, my gaybies are sexperts after what I walked in on yesterday.  

Underneath was a photo of Blaine bending over a very bare looking Kurt.  It was obvious that they were naked even though Cooper had blacked out the boy’s asses.

 “Oh my God!  It’s a public post.  And he crossposted on Facebook!” Blaine exclaimed, scrambling out of bed, the sheet barely wrapped around him.  “I’m going to kill him, he said as he grabbed his laptop off of the nightstand and jerked it open.  He opened his Twitter and pulled up his account.

“You?” Kurt shrieked.  “The girls, Mr. Shue! My dad.  They’re all on Facebook.  I’ll never be able to show my face again.  Can you delete it?”

“It’s not my post.  Oh my God.  He posted twenty minutes ago.  People have already started replying.” Blaine exclaimed as he scrolled through the tweets.

N. Puckerman, Mercedes Jones and 33 others like this.

Brittany S. Pierce: No fair!   When Kurt and I were dating, I couldn't even get him to lick my armpits.  :(

Rachel Barbara Berry: @Brittany S. Pierce.  Ew!  

Finn Hudson:  Oh God!  That’s my little brother!  I’ll never unsee that!

Fair Porcelain @Finn Hudson: I’m six months older than you.

         Santana Lopez @Finn Hudson: Judging by how much of your little brother Coop blacked out, there’s nothing little there. 

Puckerman aka Puckasaurus: Dude.  How do you squeeze all of that into those tight ass pants you wear?  Emphasis on a tight ass.  @Blaine Warbler: seems you loosened him up a little, in more ways than one.

Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix:  Wanky!

Finn Hudson: I’m outta this conversation.  

Mercedes Jones:  Do I even want to know what rimming means?”

        Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix:  It’s some kinky shit.  Pun intended.

        Kurt Hummel@ Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix, you said your lips were sealed!

        Santana Lopez@ FairPorcelain apparently Blaine’s weren’t and neither is your ass.  Get it Kurt!

       Fair Porcelain@Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix, remember our conversation in the car. I’d check all your products and hair care products for the next six months.  Payback’s a bitch.

      Santana Lopez @Fair Porcelain:  Shutting up.

      Fair Porcelain@Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix, Too Late!

Puckerman aka Puckasaurus @FairPorcelain: No reason to get all anal on us, just Blaine.  LMAO.   

Artie Abrams:  I knew they had to be getting it on since after West Side Story, yo.  I mean with the way Blaine’s dancing has gone from boy band corny to some hip thrustin’ action.   

Rachel Barbara Berry:  Oh my god!   This is my best friend.  How am I ever gonna look at him straight again?

       Puckerman aka Puckasaurus@ Rachel Barbara Berry:   No worries.  Judging by that angle, Blaine doesn’t look at him straight either!  8^D

Quinn Fabray:  It looks like with your flexibility and willingness to show some skin, Sue might want to recruit both of you for the Cheerios.  

Fair Porcelain:  This was supposed to be private.

       N Puckerman aka Puckasaurus @ Fair Porcelain:   Oh trust me.  We see privates.  

Santana Lopez aka Auntie Snix:   Wanky!!!!!!

 Blaine Warbler @ Cooper Anderson slash savings:  WHAT THE HELL, COOP!  THIS IS INEXCUSABLE! TAKE IT DOWN THIS INSTANT.puckerman aka Puckasaurus:  Take it down.   Oooh! I bet that’s what our boy Kurt said.

Fair Porcelain @ N. Puckerman aka Paulasaurus:  Oh shut it!

      Puckerman aka Puckasaurus: I guarantee that  Anderson didn’t say that!

Blaine Warbler @ N. Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:  Stop 🛑!

      Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:  I guarantee he didn’t say that either!

Fair Porcelain @  N Puckerman aka Puckasaurus:  Butt out!

Artie Abrams aka Captain Wheelie:  Another thing I bet Blaine said at that particular moment.  :^D

Fair Porcelain:   I hate you all right now, especially you@ Cooper AndersonSlash savings

 Cooper Anderson slash savings@ Fair Porcelain:   It looks like you were lovin' My Little Blainey boy very much in that moment!  

Blaine Warbler @ Cooper Anderson slash savings:  I’M WARNING YOU! TAKE IT DOWN RIGHT NOW!

Cooper Anderson slash savings @ Blaine Warbler:  Or What, Squirt?  :^D 

__________________________________________________________________________

Cooper chuckled to himself as he read the comments on his Twitter page.  It was just a joke.  He was totally going to take it down.  Eventually.  Once the sting from the waxing subsided.  He winced as he softly rubbed over the bare spot on his chest.  All of a sudden, his phone began ringing.  He answered it without even looking, which he immediately regretted doing when he heard the high pitched squeal from the other side of the line.

“Oh My God!  Is this Cooper Anderson?  From the Free Credit Rating Today Dot Com Commercials?  I can’t believe that you tweeted that video with your phone number!  My girlfriend Celeste, well, my bff, not my girlfriend, girlfriend, said that I shouldn't call because a real celebrity wouldn’t actually tweet his phone number, but I told her it had to be you because I follow your Twitter religiously and you do crazy stuff like this all the time.  And hey, don’t worry about the botched wax job.  That shit hurts.  You’re still a sexy-”

Cooper hit the end call button and pulled up his Twitter to see that Blaine had responded to his Tweet.  

Blaine Warbler@Cooper Anderson slash savings: Digging your new look!

He didn’t even have to click play to know it was the video of him getting waxed, but it wasn’t just the short clip he had sent Blaine.  It was the entire session which had ended with him running out of the spa with only a towel clutched around his waist, screaming obscenities.  He couldn’t even watch the video without being interrupted every few seconds by another obnoxious fan calling to see if it was really him on the phone.  He quickly deleted the video and changed his password when he heard his phone ring again.  

“Hi, yes, sorry mate, but this is not the superstar Cooper Anderson from the FreeCreditReportratingsTodayDotCom,” he said in his best Australian accent. “Someone was just pulling your leg-

“Cooper, darling.  This is Slyvia, your agent.  And Bridgett from PR is on the line.”

“Cooper, Oh My god!  What have you done this time!  Tweeting your number?” Bridgett screeched.

“I didn’t do that.  That was my brother.  But I’ve already contacted Verizon about changing my number and I took down the tweet.  Hopefully, it won’t be that bad.”

“Oh, I wasn’t even upset by all of that, Darling,” Slyvia said matter of factly.  “I’m more upset by the announcement on Facebook that you’re down exclusively doing gay porn.  I told you  if you wanted to do that, then I could hook you up with the right connections.  Just last week, XXXTRA contacted me about you doing that new movie, How to Strain Your Dragon: The Hidden Hole.”

“Sylvia, I’m not doing porn,” he sighed.  “Not again, anyway." Cooper sighed and muttered to himself. "Well played, Blainey. Well played." 

“Oh poo, darling.  But are you still wanting to do the article with Men’s Health magazine?  They’ll want to do an exclusive with you.”

Cooper smiled.  “They want to do an exclusive with me?  Why?  Because of the show and the life-saving techniques I learned for the role?

 Bridgett laughed.  “No.  They want to do an exclusive about your mechanophilia. It’s not every day that somebody admits that they like to stick their junk into tailpipes and engines and stuff.”

“What!” Cooper gasped, causing him to almost fumble his phone.  He took a deep breath.  “Ladies, I’ve got to go.  Please call the magazine and tell them I’d be thrilled to do an interview, but that someone was just playing a joke about the car thing.  I like to have sex in cars, not with them. But I’d love to talk about the complications of performing CPR on a mannequin and how I almost drowned after I hit my head when I dove into the wrong side of the pool.” Cooper chuckled.  “And I’ll make sure that I will change my Facebook password too.  But I have to go.   I need to make another call.” Cooper hit the end call button and hit Blaine’s name on his contacts.

“BLAINE DEVON ANDERSON, I WILL KICK YOUR HAIRLESS AS-”

“COOPER EUGENE ANDERSON, YOU ARE EXPECTED HOME IN TWENTY MINUTES, IS THAT CLEAR, YOUNG MAN!” 

“Yes ma’am, I mean, mom.”   Cooper gulped.

______________________________________________________________

"Hey, gotta wrap this up.  Mom said five minutes and I'm pretty sure she means it," Blaine said into his camera.

“Was it worth it, being grounded for a month?” Kurt asked Blaine over Facetime. 

“Yeah, it really was.  You should’ve seen Coop’s face.  Mom’s really scary when you do something to embarrass our family name,” Blaine shuddered.  

“I’m sorry,” Kurt pouted.  I didn’t mean to get you grounded.

“Don’t be.  Even with all this craziness, I had the most incredible time with you, and it was all worth it, although it sucks that we won’t be able to do it again for a long time,” Blaine said with his biggest puppy-dog pout.

“That just means we’ll have to improvise,” Kurt grinned slyly.  

“What do you suggest?” Blaine asked, waggling his eyebrows.

“When I went to that sex shop, I might have picked up something that I didn’t let Santana know about,” Kurt smirked.  “Something we could play with.”

“Oh God, Kurt.  Did you buy a toy?”

Kurt smiled and bit his lip, his cheeks blushing red.  “Maybe.”

“That’s so hot.  We’ll have to-”

All of a sudden, Kurt’s door jerked open.  Finn held up Kurt’s new razor.  “Hey, dude.  Is it ok that I borrowed your razor?  I couldn’t find mine.”

Kurt bit his lip trying to stifle his laughter when he thought about the last thing he had shaved with that razor was Blaine’s ass.  “Yeah, sure.”

“Why do they call it the Lawnmower?” Finn asked, scratching his head.

“I’m sure they have their reasons, Finn,” Kurt laughed.  

__________________________________________________________________________ 

Author’s Notes:  Well, that’s it for this piece.  I hope that you all liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  Reviews are like chocolates.  I’d love to hear from you guys. 

[delaneesdefiance]

Yenno I top of you I had bullies too

Ask me to marry you as a joke cuz you know I’m the ugliest punchline

N actually you don’t care for my self esteem

You the one who held me like fantasy

Got a job like responsibility

Missed you so bad I became bejavu god you

All this to prove you been the type of hubby to leave

Your hands

On my hips it’s forgiveness

Hide it like I missed him but it was you babe

His knees crawling to me like vulnerable effort

He used to watch me in the car with the ceo n jerkoff like he thought I was a fake bitch...?

Its for the bonner

You doing better because I saw your weekends lying next to the snake inside me in that closet searching for you between the fibers on the floor and the truth in a blanket covering me like god

I miss the guy I wanted you to be

#buttonpoetry he took my fiber just to call me a goat for being a sheep

I fell in love with a lion and it made my spirit animal the hyena laughing at his rejection

But your memory soaks and stains my heart like blood 🩸 in whites

Hard to get out without wearing the fabric thin like the ice I’m walking on talking on you

I cannot talk to you truthfully to anybody and it has ruined so many of my friendships

I don’t know who my friends are anymore

But I promise to you I’ll be true hades and you if you ask I’ll give you my world

Because it’s already his. You were my sign when you’re tired of half ass lemme know n I’ll give you more of mine

You were my sign you were over me

I’ll never be over you the cousin who raped me

[shithive]

> Welcome to the shitshow.

You wake up poorly. Your head is still swimming from whatever tranquilizer that assassin had you knocked out with. There are stripes up your arms and legs where tthey’d tied you up, rubbed raw and bloody from your attempts to get free.

At least you’re untied now. That’s something. Groaning, you pull yourself up to your feet. The surface underneath you is cold metal, and the steel spikes on your bootsoles make scuffing noises against it.

You aren’t tied up anymore, but now you’re in a cage. It isn’t even a prison, or a dungeon. It’s a cage placed in the middle of a fancy jerkoff clown ballroom, the whole room in purple with pink and lime designs swirling in spraypaint across the walls. It’s hard for you to see everything from between the cage bars — and even if you could, your attention is immediately drawn to the chair you’re placed directly in front of.

It’s an ostentatious golden throne, and a local popstar is sitting comfortably in it as he taps away on his phone. You draw out an exaggerated groan.

DARAYA: ▲▲uggghhh▼▼ MARVUS: lol u up ? DARAYA: ▲▲of course its you▼▼ DARAYA: ▲this is the only way you can get anyone to come near you, huh▼

You don’t bother listening for his response. You aren’t hanging around in this cage just because some clown thought it would be a funny joke to put you in one. You open up your sylladex, thinking you’ll melt the bars or throw a bomb Marvus’s way, or even just set the whole room on fire with the two of you in it, but your sylladex is empty. 

Of course he took all your shit.

MARVUS: i bet u got sum questions huh

You’re more of a “burn first, ask questions later” kind of girl. Your only response is to yell and throw yourself at the walls of the cage around you. When it remains intact after several attempts, you pull off one of your spiked bracelets and hurl it at Marvus through the bars. It hits him square in the chest, but doesn’t seem to do any real damage.

MARVUS: OW MARVUS: damn a man tries 2 let u keep ur outfit in tact and dis be the thanx i get

He just gets a glare for that, but you resist the urge to throw any other accessories at him. You don’t have much to your name as it is. 

You return to kicking at the bars of your cage as he keeps talking. Even though you want to ignore him, you find it hard not to listen.

MARVUS: u kno why youre here sis. u been real bad. you dun ruined my clothes, got some good people hella killed, and u wrecked my ride. but thats not evn the worst thing u did MARVUS: u snatched a motherfxxkers good ass memoriez. dat limo was sentimental MARVUS: it aint the money i want in payment. i want new memories :o)

His goddamn shitty clown smile. Fuck this guy.

DARAYA: ▲▲▲fuck you▼▼▼ DARAYA: ▲▲no one cares what you WANT▼▼ DARAYA: ▲i don’t give a shit about anything you’ve ever done▼ DARAYA: ▲▲INCLUDING putting me in this fucking box!▼▼ DARAYA: ▲▲not sorry about your ride, not sorry about your clothes, DEFINITELY not sorry about your “““good ass memories”””▼▼ DARAYA: ▲▲▲GET FUCKED▼▼▼

Marvus doesn’t seem particularly fazed. If anything, you’re pretty sure he’s just laughing at you now, but you don’t care. All these clowns know is laugh their stupid bulges off, eat hot chip and lie. You keep talking. Now you’re puncuating your words by throwing your body recklessly against the bars of your cage. Part of you is already exhausted, but mostly you’re just pissed.

DARAYA: ▲you think that’s funny? because i can get▼ DARAYA: ▲▲▲hilarious▼▼▼ DARAYA: ▲▲just let me out▼▼ DARAYA: ▲▲of the STUPID box!▼▼ DARAYA: ▼AUGH▲ DARAYA: ▼▼fuck OFF▲▲ MARVUS: ...

He’s doing the thing. You’d seen the effects of weird clown powers at Marvus’s show the other night, with how entranced and riled up his fans became the second he came onstage. You hadn’t felt particularly moved. But now you feel a wave of what you can only describe as “vibes” run through you, clearly intended to make you dial it the fuck down.

And yeah, you do feel an urge to chill out. Like, everything’s cool now, maybe Marvus has drugs? Maybe he has some Faygo you can drink. Even though you’re in a cage… yeah, no, you aren’t listening to this.

DARAYA: ▲i repeat▼ DARAYA: ▲▲get fucked▼▼

You’ve spent your entire life ignoring your own better instincts, why would you start listening to Marvus Xoloto’s? It’s like when of the older jades in the caverns tells you to “calm down”. It just makes you even angrier.

You keep on yelling and spitting and kicking at your cage, giving yourself bruises to jolt your sponge and distract it from obeying the urge to chill. Though you do gradually start to wind down, you assure yourself it’s just because you’re tired. And you are! Physically, you’re exhausted and wounded all over. But it totally has nothing to do with whatever good vibes this shitclown is trying to make you feel.

Maybe once he realizes he can’t get to you with his shitty spongerot brainworms, he’ll get bored and let you go. Or maybe he’ll keep you here forever. You weren’t lying when you said you don’t give a shit. It’s not like there’s even anything for you out there.

[queennicoleinboots]

Chapter 55 of Completely Out of Sync: Too Many Frustrations of the New Millennium: You Know You're Incompetent When...

1.) You have lived in one town your whole life and never even visited another place.

2.) You are 55 years old, have curly hair, do drywall for a living, and still claim to be broke.

3.) You forget to put the rugs back on the floor when you are done mopping the floor and the floor has already dried.

4.) You never make it to work on time anymore.

5.) You cancel an appointment at least once a week.

6.) You drop and/or break something almost every day of your life.

7.) You try to do something nice and it backfires on you every time

8.) You are an autocorrect system on any piece of technology ever

9.) You can't get away with lying when you need to.

10.) You're a typical Atlanta driver.

11.) You flip out at least once a week at your job.

12.) You have issues even being a clown.

13.) You can't figure out that 94-64=30 without a calculator.

14.) You throw other people's mail in a creek in Atlanta because you're postal.

15.) You make eggs over medium-well instead of over easy.

16.) You burn eggs when you boil them.

17.) The sticks up your ass make your spinal cord.

18.) You have no idea how to stop the chaotic mess you are.

19.) You can't operate a computer.

20.) You only listen to half of the story and think you know everything.

21.) You are a such a condescending piece of shit that you reverse everything onto the person who RIGHTFULLY calls you a condescending piece of shit.

22.) You can't talk about how incompetent you are.

23.) You took (over) 55 days to come up with a list of ways you know you're incompetent

24.) You are all-consuming and give nothing back to society other than driving others to the point of insanity.

25.) You may not be able to hold a sign to make a living.

26.) You think you can put a $120 21-pound turkey in a bucket to carry it from one house to another.

27.) You drop the mop everytime you use the damn thing.

28.) The most fun thing to do around you is playbeat your husbear.

29.) You haven't attempted to get a higher education than high school.

30.) You don't care if your apartment complex has black mold growing behind the shower walls of your units.

31.) Your options for life are living in a van down by the river, apartment living, or a super high-powered tent.

32.) Your writing seems uninspired as of late.

33.) You can't put a starter in a car within three days of you having the car in the shop.

34.) You think that the best writers are from the South. (Well, maybe the very best one is from the South, but he is a jerkasaurus rex baby boomer tall southern... Jerkoff!)

35.) You kill 62 Canadians with a missile for no fucking reason at all

36.) You temporarily forget how to prove counterculture was a result of military experimentation.

37.) You're one of the main characters, and you die in the middle of the series.

38.) YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS IN ONE OF YOUR STORIES! (SOUNDS LIKE A NOVEL IDEA!)

39.) You can't seem to get new clients to replace the one that passed away.

40.) You aren't offended by Tom Selleck's AAG commercial.

41.) You use a metal gate to break through a police car's windshield.

42.) Your new station in Atlanta, GA gets annihilated by a bunch of angry gorillas.

43.) You can't write the correct story to sum up all of the bullshit that has happened in the last few months.

44.) You have to use a whole can of wasp spray to destroy three small wasps nests on the front porch of your client's house.

45.) You're still mentally scarred from the events 12 hours later.

46.) You accidentally swear around your client who happens to be a preacher.

47.) You're probably being damned to hell.

48.) You release a biotechnical virus to the entire world for the sake of depopulation.

49.) You get kicked out of every place you've ever lived as an adult.

50.) You get locked out of not one bank account, but two in one week.

51.) You are offended by literally everything.

52.) You don't question mainstream news.

53.) You make a law outlawing sex outside of your home even if you are not married.

54.) You manage to make Mortal Kombat 11 even blockier and hellish to play than Mortal Kombat X.

And 55.) You're so incompetent that you thought you only came up with 54 reasons why you're incompetent instead of 55... oh wait, I forgot about when you drive into a guard rail four times before you stop your car on the side of the highway and jump on the hood out of frustration at a girl

[jesbakescookies]

Too Hot To Handle: Chapter Twenty One

So I kinda wrote a different kind of fanfiction. It’s nothing as in depth as my other fics so I am going to post it here. ENJOY!!

***Actor, Real Person Fanfiction, Walking Dead RPF***

Featuring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan X Original Female Character, Norman Reedus and others.. (FYI this is total fiction, as in I know nothing about JDMs life or that of his real SO and son etc. Because of this, for this work of fiction, they don’t exist. Jeffrey’s been a typical actor playboy dating fellow stars etc. This is written for sick daydreaming pleasure.)

Aria St. James is a busy woman with a thriving restaurant. She thought she had everything she needed until a few famous faces visit her dining room. A tall, dark and handsome actor decides Aria’s just what he’s been looking for.

Rating: Mature : NSFW **dirty dirty**

"We have a situation." Jeffrey's publicist spoke as soon as he answered his phone. Sighing, he glanced around the set and stepped away to get privacy. 

"What's up?"

"Well..." her voice trailed off.

"I'm kinda pressed on time Kathy."

"The good news is the announcement of your relationship has been overall positive, many already asking about a wedding."

Jeffrey felt his neck heat at the idea, the same damn thing had been plaguing his own mind for the last week. Ever since the hot shower sex, where a vision of Aria in white permeated his brain and forced him to realize just how hopelessly in love he was with the petite beauty. 

"So what's the bad news?"

"Well there is a female fan base that isn't too pleased with you settling down. They've started an anti-Aria twitter and have been spamming negative content about her all day. A lot of mean remarks and hurtful stuff."

"Jesus fucking Christ, are you serious?"

"Unfortunately." She sighed, as she typed in the backed ground. "Look if you want me to talk to Aria-."

"I'll talk to her. What're we doing about this?"

"There's nothing to do unless they start threatening her or stalking."

"For fucks sakes Katherine. So I'm supposed to go to her and say, 'Hey the internet hates you and I'm not doing shit to stop it?"

"Look Jeff, this stuff happens. Until they do something over the line, there's nothing we can do."

Rubbing his eyes roughly, Jeffrey noticed the interviewer looking for him. "I've got to go. Look try to do... something. I don't know, think of something to..."

"What? Make everyone like your girlfriend?" Katherine snarked. 

"Har har." Jeffrey, deadpanned. "Just do something okay, Kat. Please."

"Okay, okay. I'll think of something."

 Aria's phone blew up with messages from Megan as dinner service started. The frantic vibrations turning her peaceful Wednesday evening into a drama filled fuckfest.  She knew that the words of random idiots on the internet meant nothing but it didn't stop the knot from forming in her throat like a chunk of stale bread. Eventually she tossed her phone into her office and forced her mind to focus on work. 

Forcing it however, didn't work. Aria being scattered and distracted, sliced her thumb and burned her forearm by closing time. Javier tried to talk to her about everything but she was tight lipped. She needed to get her head on straight before even thinking about talking out loud. She felt way too sensitive to have a rational conversation. 

"You sure you don't want me to look at your arm?" Javier murmured, his gaze far to empathetic. Rolling her eyes, Aria scoffed, "Like I haven't tended to a burn before. Get fucked Javie."

"Okay, okay. Night boss lady."

"Night Jav. Hey... thanks though. For wanting to help."

Smirking, he gave her a nod before leaving the kitchen. Once the door locked loudly, Aria collapsed against the walk in fridge door and closed her eyes. 

"Its worth it. Jeff is worth it." She murmured, blinking away the prickling and straightening herself upright. Heading to the cabinet with all their first aid supplies, Aria began to tend to the burn and cut on her finger. 

A loud knocking had her freezing solid, her eyes widening as she realized she hadn't spoken to Jeffrey since that morning. Her phone was long forgotten in her office.

"Fuck." She muttered, wrapping a paper towel around her thumb, which was openly bleeding again. "Hold on."

Walking briskly to the front door, she found Jeffrey pacing with a scowl, which only deepened as she opened the door. His dark eyes looked her over and she knew that he knew about the web chatter. 

"What happened?" He asked, pulling his riding gloves and beanie off before reaching for her hand. Rolling her eyes, she tipped her chin towards the kitchen. "I have first aid stuff out."

Walking back to the supplies, Aria felt Jeffrey watching her closely but couldn't bring herself to look back. She felt stupid for feeling emotional about a bunch of no-name assholes saying terrible thing about her. It was ridiculous that she was even thinking about it, let alone being affected by. 

"Talk to me doll." He rasped next to her, his head cocking to the side to catch her eyes. 

Sighing, she pulled the paper towel away to show him her thumb. "I cut my thumb and burned my arm."

"Jesus." He grunted, reaching out to look her thumb over. "Doesn't need stitches, how bad's the burn?"

"Not the worst I've had."

Jeffrey looked at the red skin with a frown, finding a blister forming already. "Damn sweetheart. How'd this happen?"

 Aria hopped up on the counter, while Jeffrey sat in front of her on a stool. She watched him clean her finger first, his touch gentle as he put pressure of the spilt skin.

"I was being stupid."

Cocking an eyebrow in question, he continued wrapping her thumb. 

"I was just... distracted."

"Does this have anything to do with something on the internet?"

Huffing out a breath, she looked away from him and pursed her lips. Shrugging one shoulder, Aria muttered, "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter because it's upsetting you."

"It doesn't matter because I'm an adult. Sticks and stones and all that shit."

"Aria."

Hearing him say her name rather than a pet name, she returned her gaze and felt the stupid knot form in her throat again. She couldn't stop the blurring of her eyes. 

"Hey, hey, hey." He hushed, reaching forward to cup her jaw. "Oh sweetpea, fuck don't cry. You’re killin’ me."

Sniffing, she shook her head and whispered, "I'm not crying."

Laughing quietly, he brushed his thumbs below her eyes and showed her the obvious moisture. 

"Wanna keep lying to me doll?"

"Ugh." She groaned, pressing her forehead into his shoulder so she wouldn't have to meet his eyes when she confessed. "Fine I'm feeling... emotional about a bunch of mean girls."

Leaning back, he forced her eyes up to meet his. "You're allowed to feel emotional and upset about a bunch of jealous women saying mean shit about you. Fuck, do you think I haven't felt like shit after some movie reviewer calls me a hack or a type cast drone? I've drunk myself stupid on numerous occasions because of fucking jerkoffs not liking the way I play a pretend character."

"I know, I just..."

"You're not used to being under a microscope. I know darlin' and fuck if I could make it any other way for you, I fucking would. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, I hope you know that."

"I do and I appreciate that you would." Aria replied, her uninjured hand coming up to rest on his chest. "I'd do the same for you too, you know?"

"I do." He rasped, leaning down to kiss her softly, both of his large hands holding her face. "Let me see that burn and then get you home."

Rolling up her sleeve, Jeffrey gently washed the burn with a cool towel and then applied a burn gel. Wrapping it with gauze he finished it with a strip of medical tape and a soft kiss. Aria smirked at him as leaned forward to nuzzle into her chest, his large hands sliding up her thighs and hips to grasp her ass. 

Growling lowly, he dug his nose into collarbone. "I wanna taste you."

"Fuck." She gasped in surprise, her bottom lip screaming in pain as she bit down harshly. Jeffrey reached up and freed the poor thing and rasped, "Don't bite it off, it's my second favorite one."

"What's your first?" Aria moaned, as his hand slipped up her inner thigh. 

"Let me show you." He mumbled hoarsely while sucking on the soft spot below her jaw, his thumb rubbing her clit through her pants. 

"Jesus." 

Jeffrey quickly unbuttoned her chef coat while she kicked off her shoes and tugged her pants down. His warm, rough hands grasped her breasts through her worn tank top. "Fuck." He groaned as her nipple hardened below his palm. "Got the cutest fucking nipples." 

Aria giggled at the comment and ran her fingers through his hair. "Thank you."

"You're fucking welcome. Now lay the fuck back and spread my favorite lips. Let me make you cum on my tongue."

Aria dipped her head, her cheeks flushing dramatically. "Jeff."

Laughing deeply, his thumbs brushed together against her core, sliding through the slick folds. "Holy fuck." He grunted before biting her shoulder. "Shit. You're so wet. Lay back baby girl. I wanna taste you."

Stretching out, Aria squeaked as Jeffrey yanked her closer to the edge. His hands cupped her ass and raised her hips to his mouth as though licking his plate clean. 

"Oh my god." She gasped at the overwhelming sight alone. She could barely fire off enough neurons to compute the sensation of his thick tongue sweeping through her, curling around every surface, let alone the look on his face while doing it. 

Humming into her wet flesh, Jeffrey stared up at her with deeply hooded eyes, a hungry glint in the dark slits as she writhed against his mouth. Pulling back he panted onto her mound, "Are you gonna cum babydoll?"

"Yeah." She moaned as he dove back in with vigor. "Jeff."

"You're mine." He growled, sucking her clit in between his lips while slowly shaking his head. Aria snapped instantly, her body arching off the counter as her hands tugged Jeffrey's face closer to her clenching walls. 

"Jesus, holy shit." She panted, her chest heaving as he continued to suck and lick her clean. She combed her fingers through his hair and stroked his neck as he nuzzled into her thigh.

"Taste fucking awesome." He murmured, placing a soft kiss on her clit before unbuckling his pants. Aria watched as he pushed them down enough to expose himself before tugging her off the counter and into his lap. She slung her arms around his neck as he slowly lower her down his dick. 

Throwing her head back as he sunk inside, Aria squirmed in his lap as he began to slowly raise and lower her onto him. 

"Fuck." He groaned when she was flush against him, his hips thrusting up into her. "So damn tight."

"Jeff." She moaned, her mouth pressing open mouth kisses along his neck and shoulder. 

"Yeah sweetpea." He breathed, his heavy breath feeling moist on her neck. "You like riding my dick?"

"Yes. Fuck me harder."

Standing up, Jeffrey lay her back down on the counter and began plunging in between her spread legs. His large hands pinned her legs open, as his hips snapped forwards into her soaked entrance. The feral growls he was emitting while watching himself disappear into her, had Aria clawing at the slick metal surface. He was still partial dressed but she could see the cords of muscles in his arms flexing as he grasped her limbs and fucked her deep. 

"Fucking shit." He snarled as she squeezed him with her inner walls, the sensation causing him to swell even further. Moaning at the feeling of his throbbing head pulling a delicious friction from her, Aria continued to tilt her hips to meet his thrusts. 

"Come on baby girl." He panted, his hand sliding up her stomach to play with her tits. "So good. Such a good girl."

"Jeff." She gasped at the praise, her insides fluttering and mouth dropping open. 

"You like that hmm?" He rasped, his hand laying flat on her stomach as he continued to rock his hips into hers. His thumb began brushing back and forth over her clit as he spoke. "You're so fucking good baby. Fuck look at you taking my dick. You're goddamn precious."

"Fuck." She gasped, her hips flinching with every not so subtle brush of his thumb. "I'm gonna-."

"Yeah. Be a good. Cum for me baby girl. Fuck cum for daddy."

"Jeff."

"Say it. Be a good girl and say it."

"Please."

"Please. What?" He growled, his hips thrust into her hard as his thumb pushed down and rubbed tight circles. 

"Please daddy." She whined, her hips rising from the flat surface to feel him deeper. The growl he released echoed in the kitchen as he went full speed, his hips snapping hard in between her legs. Aria moaned deeply as the sensation of him rubbing her clit and burying himself as deep and as fast as he could, had her cumming instantly. 

"Motherfucker." He snarled, his large hands pulling her to the edge to plow through her first orgasm and push her into a second before releasing inside her with long pulses. His chest heaved as they recovered, his sweaty forehead pressing in between her breasts. 

"Jesus sweetpea." He rasped, his breathing heavy and tone exhausted. "Wearin' me out."

"I'm sorry old man. Am I too much for you?" She quipped with a giggle as he tickled her sides. 

"That's e-fucking-nough of that dollface." He growled. 

"Stop!" She squealed with laughter, squirming against the counter as he nuzzled into her neck. 

"Alright, alright I'll stop under one condition."

"What?" She gasped, her stomach twitching as his fingers slid along her ribs, soothing her. 

"You tell me the truth."

"I always do."

"Are you rethinking us now? Because of the stupid internet?"

Sighing, she asked, "Do you think I would ride your face if I was rethinking us?"

"I don't know, maybe. It'd be a nice going away present."

Snorting Aria sat up and began dressing. "True but I'd rather keep you around so I can ride it more."

Grinning at her, while tucking himself away and handing her clothing over. "I'm glad you like it."

"Like it? Jesus, I'm pretty sure it should be illegal."

  Jeffrey sat in bed next to Aria, who was fast asleep, her face tucked into his side. He could feel her warm breath on his ribs and her hair tickling his arm as he held her close. With his free hand he scrolled through twitter and read the latest posts about the woman he loved. Gritting his teeth, he forced himself not to react as they talked about the woman he loved. 

He wasn't sure what they wanted to accomplish but their group had grown in size and become more aggressive with their taunts. 

Sighing at the pictures of Aria they'd doctored and tagged, shots from the charity cook off used to harass her. Glancing down to see her still sleeping, Jeffrey slowly extracted himself and headed downstairs. He grabbed himself a glass of water and sat at the kitchen table, thumbing through the photos he'd taken of Aria on his phone. 

Finding one of them together, his long arm taking a selfie as he kissed her temple. Her eyes were vibrant and lips quirked into a tiny pink smile. She was gorgeous and he loved her. He wasn’t going to hide that from anyone. 

Typing out a quick message, he tagged the photo and posted it without second guessing himself.  He wasn't going to sit around and let people treat his girlfriend, the woman that he was growing fairly certain would be his wife, badly. He was going to share with the world what a wonderful fucking person she was and they were going to have to fuck the fuck off. 

  "Oh my god. Did you see what he tagged that picture with?" Megan asked while Aria spoke with her the following evening. 

Rolling her eyes, Aria muttered, "How many times are you going to ask me that?"

"As many as it takes for you to understand what I'm saying."

"What exactly are you saying?"

"I'm saying that handsome fucker is totally gonna ask you to marry him and you better say fucking yes because I have to be in the wedding party with all his handsome, famous friends. If I'm not maid of honor and walking down the aisle with Norman fucking Reedus, you're dead to me."

Snorting at her friend's insistence, Aria muttered, "It doesn't mean he's asking me."

"How can you not see that from his tag? I mean #loveofmylife #onlyone. How do you not read that to mean marriage?"

"It's just a fucking tag. He's not on one knee yet."

"He will be. I guarantee it. I bet when you come for my engagement party, he'll do it."

"He's not going to propose at your engagement party. That'd be weird." Aria scoffed, her eyes rolling hard in her head. 

"Not at it, dumbass. You'll be staying overnight in a cozy bed and breakfast. There will be a soft bed, probably some large tub filled with rose petals. Who wouldn't propose?"

"You're a nutjob Megs."

"One, what’s your fucking point? And two, what will you say?"

"Oh my god, stop."

"I'm serious." Megan sobered up, her tone softening. "I'm serious, if he asked, what would you say?"

Aria swallowed thickly and bit her lip in thought. If she were honest, she'd thought about it. The white dress and what Jeffrey would look like waiting for her at the end of some imaginary aisle. The images had her chest fluttering and cheeks heating. She wanted it badly but was too scared to voice it, until then. 

"Yes." She replied, the word sounding entirely too small of a reply but completely accurate. Aria would marry Jeffrey in a heartbeat. 

"I knew it!" Megan squealed, "I can't wait to walk down the aisle with Norman."

"Oh my god Megs, calm down. Besides you're getting married remember?" Aria laughed.

"So what? I can't enjoy a fucking stud muffin on my arm? Oh my god, I'll get to touch his arm!"

"Oh Jesus Christ. I gotta go Megs. You should go take a cold shower."

"Fuck that, I'm going to use it as spank bank material."

"Bye Megan."

"Okay, okay. Hey, seriously though, I'm happy for you. Jeff's amazing and you deserve someone like him, someone that shouts over the inter web rooftops that you're the love of his life."

"Thanks hooker."

"You're very welcome bitch."

Chapter Twenty Two here.

http://jesbakescookies.tumblr.com/post/163362693201/too-hot-to-handle-chapter-twenty-two

I started posting this fic over on AO3 also. I will probably post in both places since I’m still figuring out AO3 formatting etc.

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for updates. I’ll try my best to remember!

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[omgnsfwisnsfw-blog]

NSFW #05: No Limit

A phone propped up on a stool. The screen displayed the last time NSFW had been on television. Broken and battered. Stacked on top of each other like cordwood. Through the wreckage of tables, twisted cables, and busted equipment. The shot pulled back. Two brown mahogany caskets. Each accompanied by flower arrangements. One light green. One orange. The caskets are in a spacious parlor. High ceiling. A wide arched entrance. An exquisite crystal chandelier hung overhead. The carpet looks soft and plush and like no one’s ever set foot upon its mint-colored surface. Sunlight from a row of tall windows naturally illuminated the room despite the somber display. A moment of silence was observed. From seemingly beyond, they speak. Narrowed back on the screen of the phone. More precisely, the phone. The room’s acoustics amplified the little speaker for all to hear. “I know what this looks like. More on that later. Look right here. Right where I’m talking out of. That’s us.” “Ugly, ain’t it? I’d say we wouldn’t wanna be those poor sods, but unfortunately, we were.” “Mike and I promised to bring it up North and we did. Until we didn’t. Alexander. Frank. The Limit. Once again, we had to find out about your intentions after the fact. We heard about the challenge. But before that. You don’t want competition. You don’t want to be a part of this resurrection. You want us out.” “You see, my dear lummoxes, we put out the challenge we did hoping someone who actually cared about this division would come and prove us wrong. That’s who we were talking to. Not a couple’a fuckin’ mercenaries.” “Here’s the problem. Maybe just mine to be completely honest. Why? That’s what I keep asking myself. Keep asking my partner, too. It’s not worth answering that question. You made it clear that you don’t believe in tag team wrestling. You’re a team, sure. Can’t say otherwise. But not like us. That doesn’t matter. Can’t use that line anymore because it may say that NSFW is one up on The Limit but at the end of the night we sure didn’t look like we won anything. Take another look at us. Then listen to what you’ve said. Doesn’t matter if The Limit wins or loses. Only matters if you two destroy us.” “Do you really care about anything but that, boys? What if the shoe was on the other goddamn foot? D.J., say I grabbed ahold of ol’ Ethan and gave him the same crash landing you treated me to. Would you want nothing more after that than to tear me to shreds? How about vice versa, Ethan? Because if you don’t fathom that, you have no idea what kind of team we are. I said it before. We are a team. We care about each other a hell of a lot.” “That doesn’t matter either. So what is all of this? Maybe we should be be speaking about ourselves in the past tense.” The audio from the phone cut off. That harrowing image still prominently displayed. “No.” And there was the distinct sound of hinges creaking in unison. The camera panned back out. John Bishop Church. Mike McGuire. Both in matching black three piece suits, him in an emerald silk tie, her tie-less but sporting a rather fetching coral shirt with the top button undone. In front of what could be construed as their respective final resting places. However, that was not the case. “This is a celebration of The Limit’s legacy.” Ethan Alexander. D.J. Frank. Both men were laid to rest in black suits of their own. Their hands were placed over their chests. They looked at peace. An eternal waxy rest. John turned to look onto the face of Ethan. “As of late there has been disdain for hyperbole and rhetoric. Personally I abhor it. But to put us out of this sport would be death.” Mike gave a cursory glance to the figures at rest. They were quite convincing. Imposing figures if not for the peaceable resting expressions. One dark skinned, one fair, both the very figures of Detroit tough guys. If they weren’t dead as doornails. She cracked her knuckles in a distinct lack of subtlety. “You caught us unawares. You came to war with hand grenades, which is great, but they ain’t gonna do you no good when we bring out the goddamn tanks. You two have made the biggest mistake of your entire sorry fucking lives. And no bloodshed or payday is gonna be worth it once we’re through with you.” John nodded in agreement. “The irony is not lost on me. To get past The Limit, NSFW has to do what theyare so easily capable of doing. Maybe easy for my partner. Not so much for me. I would be lying if I said the criticisms didn’t bother me. But I don’t want to lie anymore about this.” He looked over at Mike and nodded. He turned back to face the camera and after a deep sigh, he resumed. “I view what I can do as dangerous enough. But I know that it won’t be enough this time. Some would put me in the camp of those who abstain from this company’s trademark out of wanting to take a stand. That isn’t the case. I was afraid. I am afraid. Of this ideology that success is justified through any means necessary. The extreme violence. To cause it. To be a victim of it. But some good advice that I received put it all in perspective. I need to face that fear. And I need to use what I feel for The Limit against them.” He balled up his fists and almost seethed the next statement through his teeth. “Anger. And to use that anger to do what is necessary.” Mike made a slight move closer to her partner. Nothing huge, but a further display of solidarity. “And I ain’t gonna stop him. Because whatever he’s got a bead on doing to you? I probably got designs on doing even worse. Nobody crosses the line you two’ve crossed without paying through the ass for it. And come Night of Champions? Those asses are ours. You’re going to fly like Peter Pan’s uglier, stupider siblings and hit one sad landing. But before you eat table? You’re gonna wish we’d just chuck you through. Every little bit of hurt you put on us. Every single bruise you put on my partner’s body. You’re gonna pay for that fuckin’ tenfold. Nobody Strikes this Family and Walks.” Perhaps Mike was making this even more personal than need be: after all, having to physically throw someone through pressed wood was fairly personal on its own. But in her mind, The Limit had committed an unforgivable crime by laying hands on John outside of the bounds of combat, and she was out for blood. “And so this little macabre display. It symbolized who The Limit were. Their story is a cautionary tale.” “See, once upon a time there were a couple’a tough guys who may have been paid off by some jerkoff with a grudge. Or they may not have been. Who’s to say, and who even gives a flying ratfuck at this point? But either way, these two shitheads came to a place of battle, answered a challenge not meant for them in a way that it wasn’t meant to be answered. And for a while they were pretty pleased with themselves. But then the people they attacked? They came back. They came back pissed, and even the sweetest of them came back fucking mean. And they sent those so-called tough guys flying right into splintery oblivion.” “And here they lay. Their rhetoric. Their insistence that there is no goingbeyond The Limit. That’s just what we’ll have done.” “We won’t have just gone beyond it. We are going to break through The Limit. We’re going to fucking shatter The Limit. And when we’re through?” Mike looked at the pair of ‘corpses’ resting in their caskets, and snorted. “There will be NO LIMIT.” Cut. Except the audio. Once again in unison, NSFW closed the lids shut. The final noise being an emphatic thud. “An expensive way to make a point.” John turned his back to the coffins. He wondered for a brief second if push had come to shove that he would have even been in one of these. He flicked that thought away. “And an ultimatum so to speak.” “Hey, they seem pretty fuckin’ dense. You don’t make a point this extreme it’ll never get through their thick-ass skulls.” They swallowed over a lump in their throat, poking at the nearest dummy-stuffed mahogany box with a well-shined dress shoe sheathed toe. They knew quite well that the contents of both were fake as fake could be. Nothing but a pair of suits, a ton of flesh colored wax, metal frames. But nevertheless, their presence made Mike a little uneasy. Perhaps their train of thought was on the same track as their partner’s. Or perhaps it was on a different track at the same station- how close they’d come to filling that box at the hands of a violent hypocrite. They fought the urge to cling to his arm in a simultaneous gesture of protectiveness and seeking comfort. They couldn’t slip like they almost had at the hospital. Especially not here- that would be an even bigger slap in the face to Natalie, who was far too wonderful for someone like them. They cleared their throat instead. “How’re you feeling, bud? Ribs still hurtin’ you? Head doing okay?” John stepped further away out of the parlor. Just under the arch of the entrance. He braced his back against the wall and turned his gaze to them. “I think I’ll be okay when it’s time. You’re moving better.” “Yeah, it’s nice to not be moving like a little old granny. I mean, not MY granny, she’s fuckin’ eighty-something and still does farm work every day, but… yeah. I mean back still smarts like a motherfucker but I’ll be good too. A’course, I’d go into this beat to shit if I had to.” They stood beside, fingers flicking a bit. A cigarette would be nice, but they were being good. He acknowledged her dedication with a solemn nod. “I guess we should be grateful for this opportunity. Nothing at stake except retribution. Part of me feels frustrated with that. Makes me feel like we are fighting against more than just those two.” “You got that too, huh? I mean… bless Carlos and his adorable fuckin’ self, but fuck Mucho Grande. They never pinned Pirate and Puss, we did. Shit, I don’t think anybody has but us. And we’re fighting the goddamn Lummox. Not that they don’t deserve a serious ass kicking but yeah. That should be us fighting for those belts.” Their fingers stop flicking and tighten into fists, which they were trying their damndest not to punch into Natalie’s nice walls. John raised a finger as if it were an objection. “Personally, I agree with that sentiment. But that’s not what I mean. There will always be that argument that they got it done when it mattered. No, think back. The last two months have been a ghost town for the division. Now on the backs of our dedication, they’re crawling out of the woodwork. Makes me think we should take credit. Makes me also think others are reaping what we sowed.” Mike blinked, their jaw dropping a bit, as if they hadn’t thought of this. “Holy shitting fuck. You’re right, you know. I mean not that I wanna go out and make us our own Saviors Of The Motherfucking Tag Division belts, but shit. Some recognition would be nice? Hey NSFW, thanks for working your asses off to get this derelict fucking tag division going again? Geez.” “Doesn’t make me feel so great to make these assumptions. Plants seeds for bitterness and resentment. Something makes me feel that was the path I was going down...” He trailed off. “I think it’s good that we said this here. Between us. Because it can’t define us.” “Yeah. I mean, it’s okay to feel frustrated about stuff. Get mad about things. That’s all part of being, y’know, human and shit. But you start airing those kind of grievances on TV and the internet and stuff, yeah, some people might have your back but then rumors get started that you’re bitter ingrates bitching about not getting enough attention. Like, what are these assholes complaining about, they’ve only been here how many months?” Huffing a bit, they looked up, and grinned a little. “But that’s what we got each other for. You gotta get any of that shit off your chest, I’ll listen to you. And I know you’d do the same for me because you are a fantastic fucking listener.” Reaching their arms up, they give a long, almost cat-like stretch. Their back cracks a bit. “Ow. Shit. Anyway… we’ve got this entire huge-ass mansion to ourselves. Whaddya say we do some exploring? Maybe we’ll find a hidden vault where Natalie keeps her secret stash of exotic cookies.” Normally, John would have opted to lay up in a hammock near Natalie’s garden, flicking through the virtual pages of a book. But Mike was very good at getting into trouble. He figured he could be complicit this time. “Let’s go.”

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CWp6yiPoREP/?utm_medium=copy_link

Here is Adam's post sweet idea but.. need I say more. I'm very disappointed, I'd hope that he of all people would not use a book that is by one of the journalists who has spewed misinformation and bullshit about freddie (brian and rogers dear bandmate and friend) for years.

Thank you for the source. This is disappointing on several levels:

1. Brian straight up said LAJ didn’t know Freddie; did Adam really never hear him disparage her “work”?

2. As we all know, she’s told outrageous lies. Even aside from lying about Freddie’s sexuality (which is a big thing), she spread Barbara’s later-self-admitted lie that Freddie tried to kill her. The book makes him look horrific. I don’t know how much Adam actually knows about the book, but it’s quite infamous! In addition, a public figure with such a large platform should look into these things before promoting them.

3. As a gay man in the 21st century, you’d think Adam would know better than to promote a viewpoint which erases Freddie’s experience as another gay man in a much more adverse environment.

I like Adam too, man. What the hell, and to boost this slanderous garbage today of all days, to “honor” Freddie? It feels like a slap in the face.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Submission

Hey there, long time no see!

I've been dipping in and out of Tumblr the last couple of weeks and have been keeping up with all your interesting discussions with anons (sorry, stalkerish I know, but I find it both insightful and entertaining.) I couldn't help but notice @just-a-poor-boy-queen posted about our good old friend on Instagram spouting her usual bullshit, only this time she apparently has proof that her claims are real from Lying Ass Jerkoff , sorry, Lesley Ann Jones' latest book. According to her, as you already know, she claims that Lesley denounces Jim and Freddie's relationship and Jim apparently confessed to her that he never loved Freddie, that he used him for fame, etc. etc.

Which is...very interesting. Because LAJ's biography, Bohemian Rhapsody, claims the exact opposite.

While I was out in town today, I visited my local bookstore and unintentionally stumbled across the book in the biography section. My first instinct was to ignore it - I know for a fact it's trash - but curiosity got the better of me and I ended up having a flip through.

First off, the amount of stuff she gets wrong is hilarious. Some of them were minute errors, others the average Queen fan could tell you is fake. I'm pretty sure she talked about Freddie taking Princess Diana out in drag and the party with the midgets carrying bowls of cocaine on their heads, which we know never happened. There was also a picture of Freddie and Mary (one where Freddie is leaning on Mary while she's smoking a cigarette,) that was captioned "the happy couple relaxing together," which made me laugh out loud because it was allegedly taken in 1975 when Freddie was dating David behind Mary's back. Relationship goals, ammirite?

And don't get me started on the Barbara stuff, I stg, LAJ seems low-key obsessed with her.

Anyway, I ended up skipping to the end where she talks about Jim; she does indeed claim that she stayed with him in Carlow (not sure what year,) and that she interviewed him while she was there. This is what she had to say:

On Jim's motivation for writing M&M: (Jones) "Jim Hutton later explained that it was anger, not money, that prompted him to write his memoir. He wanted the world to know the truth, and could see no other way."

(Jones) "There is no doubt that Jim, the bereft lover, embarked upon his selective 1994 biography with the intention of creating a tender tribute to an adored partner. This was blurred by a co-writer who dwelled more on sensational aspects of the relationship, as well as on intimate details of Freddie's final days."

(Jones) "Given Jim's Catholic background, and the fact that his mother was still alive when he published, it must have taken immense courage to write the book."

About the GL boys being erased by Jim Beach: (Jim) "I think Jim Beach was angry that my book ruined the myth of Freddie. All it did was return him to his original status of a human being. It told the truth. Beach wanted fans to believe that sweet Mary Austin was the love of Freddie's life, and what a great, tragic, romantic tale it all was."

(Jones) "Jim was consequently banished from the Queen camp." (She goes on to explain it's likely because everyone was grieving, but I don't buy it.)

(Jones) "Freddie's will raised countless questions, some of which would never be resolved." (I thought this was interesting, given that I've seen speculation that Freddie might have been influenced over what to put in his will before.)

On Dave Clark: (Jones) "The press reported that Dave Clark had said he was the only person in the bedroom when Freddie died. 'He was not the only person in the room,' Jim stated. 'But it was quoted all over the place.' The error must have been perturbed the sensitive and caring Clark, for on his birthday, Jim received a beautiful card from him. 'The inscription he wrote inside read "you were there.' " (Jim goes on to recount the exact same version of events written in Mercury & Me about Freddie's death. He speaks highly of Clark, saying he was brilliant when Freddie was ill and would sit with him for hours. Jim seems more angry at the press spreading lies than at Dave himself. I've seen people argue that Dave was the one spreading the rumours to the paper or he did nothing to refute them, but who knows, perhaps he was a victim of the tabloids too.)

Phoebe testifying to Jim's character: (Phoebe) "Those concerned have to live with themselves. Mary once said of Jim that he had 'a very vivid imagination.' I knew Jim a very long time, and never knew him to be anything other than totally honest. Jim's conscience, like mine, will always be clear." (Given how Phoebe now makes a point of saying that Jim "exaggerated" stuff in his book, I find this a tad hypocritical. Still, I appreciate him sticking up for Jim and saying that those who are trying to change Freddie's legacy will have to live with that on their conscience. Also, fuck you Mary, if you did say that about Jim.)

On Jim's love for Freddie: (Jones) "There are still times when I can be pottering around in the garden, and Freddie's facial expression when he died will come into my mind," he told me in Ireland, "I can blank out what happened consciously but not subconsciously. It is impossible to forget. I learned so much from him, not least a positive outlook. Freddie's attitude was always, 'But you can, don't you see? You can do it. Put your mind to it, you'll see what you can do' That was one of the loveliest things about him."

(Jones) "During the time I spent with Jim in picturesque County Carlow, there was no doubt that the love Jim claimed to have felt for Freddie was genuine. He was a warm and decent man who was content with his lot. He was eternally grateful, he told me, for having experienced the superstar lifestyle through Freddie."

(Jones) "Jim would never truly recover from the loss."

I took screenshots of all the quotes above, which I'm happy to submit if anyone is interested. I would love to have seen what else she said about Jim, but taking pictures of book pages in the middle of a shop isn't the best look, so I kept it brief. 

So, overall, Lesley seems to have a very high opinion of Jim, and believed the love between he and Freddie was genuine. Which is quite surprising, given that she downplays all of Freddie's other relationships with men in favour of promoting his fictional "romance" with Miss Valentin. Of course, this could all be complete bullshit and she never met Jim at all, but if she is telling the truth for once in her life, then she's one of few biographers who was very much supportive of Jimercury.

As one of the anons correctly stated, we have two possible scenarios.

A) If crazy lady is telling the truth, and Jones does make all these negative claims about Jim in her new book, then she was either lying in Bohemian Rhapsody or she's lying now in her latest cash cow. In this scenario, she's a liar either way. But tell us something we don't know.

B) Crazy Lady is pretending to have read the book, or read it and was angry there was nothing bad about Jim, and is fabricating quotes to suit her anti-Jim agenda, knowing her thick-as-bricks followers will just take her word for it and not bother looking for evidence. This is the most likely scenario. 

I know most people with a brain know not to trust the word of either of these women, but I thought it would be fun to dismantle some of Insta lady's claims regardless, in case there was anyone out there having doubts.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

-------------

Hi there! It's good to see you again.

This...is a lot to think about lol. Since LAJ is such a liar, it's hard to believe she really sat down with Jim, or that most of what she said was from primary sources. However, it is strange that she spoke so highly of Jim given...everything else she's ever said lol. The quotes above do fit with what other people have said about Jim and Garden Lodge as a whole, though. It's very strange because it's either she decided to be factual with this, or lie about getting these quotes but decide to stick up for Jim, anyway. Weird, weird, weird.

It's really hard to know who's lying in the new book, LAJ or the hater lady. They're both so unreliable. It does seem too convenient that what LAJ supposedly says lines up with the hater lady rhetoric, but idk. Apparently LAJ blocked the hater lady on twitter, too lmao. So maybe it's the hater lady who's lying? But I can believe LAJ suddenly changing her tune, too.

I don't know. Thank you for sharing this information. I have more questions than answers now lol but still

[just-a-poor-boy-queen]

My take on this new alleged interview is that Jim did disclose some of his insecurities in regard to his relationship with Freddie (which is something he expressed to a degree in Mercury & Me.) But LAJ has taken that, thrown in a few fake statements and twisted it into “our relationship was fake, Freddie was just using me, I was a gold digger, etc.”

She’s really shot herself in the foot, because even if this interview is totally legit and Jim did say those things (which I’ll believe when pigs fly) that means that she was lying in her 1997 biography. There’s no way Jim suddenly did this 180 during the time she was allegedly staying with him and went from a loving partner to a gold digger. It makes no sense and Lying Ass Jerkoff knows that, which is why she’s scrambling to explain herself. What she doesn’t seem to realise is, it doesn’t matter; either way, she’s a liar. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, Lesley; either Jim was a kind, devoted spouse who wrote his book as a loving tribute, or he was an attention-seeking, “spoiled eejit” who was only kept around for sex. Which one is it?

Oh yeah, definitely. He had his own insecurities regarding their relationship, and yeah, he did express them in m&m. A few friends and I were discussing this very thing the other day, and we reckoned that she must’ve asked him something like, “do you think Freddie loved you?” to which he may have said, “I hope so,” because that is what Jim also said in his book. She must’ve twisted this by writing JIM HUTTON DOES NOT CONFIRM IF FREDDIE DID NOT LOVED HIM. Like that’s the kind of scumbag she is.

Yeah, she lied in either one of those books, and we know that it is the second. As @freddiefiction said in their reblog to my last post, LAJ has justified her 180 degree turn is because there was stuff that did not stand out in the original interview, and we’re like, how blind do you have to be to not make sense of, “Freddie never loved me”? How did this not stand out?

She is such a lying bag of shit.