#made me go through all my trauma and daddy issues and stuff

[hi-im-otter]

project adam be one of my fav movies rn

[amuseoffyre]

Real Pirates

Got thinking last night about Stede and what was said to him in 2x06 and 2x07.

First off, let's look at the Ned Low stuff.

"You know, if you kill me, you are a real pirate. You're not an amateur anymore. See? That's why he likes you. It's because of your bumbling amateur status. You're like a pet, I think."

There's been a running thread of Stede not being a real pirate all the way from S1 - "I'm not a pirate, I'm an idiot" (1x01), "pirates, my arse" (1x02), "what the fuck is you supposed to be?" (1x03), "you will get to see how real pirates operate in the real world" (1x05), "not one of these store-bought kinds" (1x07), "it only applies to real pirates" (1x09).

Ned has fully pressed down on the big red trauma button that other characters have been hammering all the way through S1, that Stede has been trying to ignore, but here and now, he can't: Stede's biggest fear remains that he was not and never will be enough for Ed.

It's not the first time another pirate has compared Stede to a pet either: Izzy, Fang and Ivan all said the same back in 1x06. Whether Stede has put together the pieces about Doggy Heaven, I don't know, but once again, we're shown that here is someone who definitely doesn't understand what is happening between Stede and Ed.

As much as Stede tried to convince himself "I am adequate" (1x02), the fear is still there that he's never going to be sufficient. "I think your life is better without me" (2x01).

Despite Ned saying that Ed wants to keep him an amateur, he's hurt and he's angry and he's seen his crew and his lover put in harm's way, so Ned is never going to get off that ship alive.

But it's also very telling that the instant Stede kills him, he immediately flashes back to one of his biggest and most recurring childhood traumas: the day his father told him that killing was a man's work and that he would never amount to anything because he was a soft-handed weak-hearted lily-livered little richboy.

We see/hear it or have it alluded to in 1x01, 1x02, 1x04, 1x08, 1x09, 1x10, 2x03, 2x06.

Letting Ned Low live - and have the chance to come back for vengeance - was never a choice, but this is the point where Stede has crossed a line he had never crossed before. "Killing. Having to kill" (1x01) sent him into a panic spiral in episode 1 and I have no doubt that if we get/got S3, once the panic and chaos died down, it would have snuck up on him like all his other traumas.

But let's continue into 2x07, where Stede has had a night with the man he loves, knows he's kept him safe, and isn't thinking about that stuff. Only then people start praising him for it. This is the man who hasn't been praised for anything before. He's wanted approval and acceptance his whole life and finally, now, he's got it. "Bonnet's the fuckin' dude".

It overwhelms him completely, much the same way as the attention from the party-ship people gave Ed the dopamine hits and made him escalate his behaviour. Stede starts acting up, showing off and - most significantly - chooses to spend his time in the company of an older man in a blood-soaked leather apron who won't stop telling him how fantastic he is. Our man isn't just wearing his daddy issues on his sleeve, he's taking them out and buying them a drink while they give him their approval.

Which is why Ed's departure comes as such a shock for him. For the first time in his life, Stede is accepted and appreciated. Ed even encouraged him at first, but then Ed's own traumas surrounding the pirate world reared up their ugly head. "I don't wanna go back to the old days, drinking all the time or cutting a bloke's toe off and feeding it to him for a laugh" (1x09)

And it's not that they're at odds with each other is the thing. They're at odds with themselves. Ed is panic-spiralling because he sees Stede stepping so easily into the world that he has come to hate and wants to leave behind. But for Stede, it's not about being a pirate - it's about the acceptance and appreciation of who he is, because he's never actually had that before.

He's behaving in the ways that are getting him the approval he's never had in his life and moving further and further away from "I don't like drinking til I puke or throwing coconuts at peoples' heads". He's becoming the Calico Jack kind of pirate, getting roaring drunk and throwing things - fatally - at people because "then I said a cool thing and people laughed".

Only because they don't talk to each other in ways that they can each understand, Stede is left with the belief that maybe Ed did like him as an amateur and despite doing "a man's work" he is still not enough. Meanwhile Ed thinks Stede really wants this kind of life, when he knows Ed wants away from it, because he has no idea what Stede is getting from it all.

Our lads are both so tangled up in their own fears and anxieties that they don't stop to wonder why the other is acting the way they are. Stede logically knows Ed doesn't want to be a pirate, but can't see why his own behaviour would be upsetting to Ed. Ed is fully aware of who Stede is as a person, yet the fear of him becoming more like the pirates he grew up around is overwhelming because it's been his whole life for so long.

Their own fears are crashing up against each other, but neither of them ever want to talk it through. Stede hides behind politeness and neutrality instead of saying what he's feeling (although he has made big steps on this front in S2) while Ed is so used to masking his real wants and needs in hypotheticals and metaphors.

S3 was going to see all those things come to light. Ed had already made a start, sitting with himself, but there was still more to come. Stede's issues which had been bottled up and tucked away ("that's the worst thing you can do, Frenchie!" (1x01)) but the pressure was building and it was going to fizz out like an overshaken champagne bottle in the end.

OFMD - Childhood Trauma the TV show. aka how to write the impact of PTSD and cPTSD on people and the way it impacts their behaviour, modes of communication and the decisions they make.

[fluffymaxsworld]

“affection”

miguel o’hara x reader

[age gap, trauma, daddy issues, “toxic” relationship, without spiderverse AU, hobie is your bsf bc yeaah]

(purple lines are the lyrics)

inspired by this song, a bit out of context :))

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I know that you say I get mean when I'm drinking,

But then again sometimes I get really sweet

So what does it mean if I tell you to go fuck yourself

Or if I say that you're beautiful to me

you and miguel have been together for a long time.

you’ve met him thanks to hobie, your best friend.

at first he scared you. hobie told you about his trauma, about his lost family and his stern attitude. but slowly you got to know him. you got to understand his emotions, you got to comfort him when he was feeling down and little by little you ended up in his arms every nights.

he was such a great man, you thought, and seeing him cry, seeing him weak, made you fall head over heels for him.

It's affection always,

You're gonna see it someday

My attention for you

Even if it's not what you need

it’s one of those days. those terrible, annoying days. those days when you want to disappear.

you weren’t that different from miguel. you lost a loved one, your dad, really young, maybe that was the reason of the attraction towards an older man like him, and you were usual to spend nights crying to yourself about your trauma.

“love, what’s bothering you?” the deep voice that you love comforting woke you up from your eternal nightmare.

“miguel…” you managed to say, tears falling down your reddish cheeks.

he wipes away your tears, letting you fall into his embrace.

“wanna talk?” he whispers as your head rest onto his chest.

Sometimes we talk all night long, we don't shut up

And when it's late we'll say we're still wide awake so...

We love to talk about how you'll come up to visit me

And we'll rent a car and we'll drive upstate

“i wanna move out” you state one of those nights to miguel.

“why?” he asks, not angry, but genuinely curious.

“everything reminds me of my dad”

“and where do you wanna move?”

“i want to rent a car and drive away”

“that’s cute” he smiles softly, placing his warm hand on your cheek.

“that’s weird, don’t you think?” you chuckle and wrap your arms around his waist, “i love you”

It's affection always,

You're gonna see it someday

My attention's on you

Even if it's not what you need

“i’m tired! i really cant stand when you act like this!” his deep voice, the one you loved comforting, was yelling at you.

“oh, now you’re mad?! because i asked you to cuddle?” the tears he loved wiping away were dancing on your face.

“you’re so sensitive, you cry for the smallest things!” he shouts.

“i’ve spent my whole life comforting you and helping you through your trauma, i completely fucked up my sleep schedule to kiss you goodnight because you were ‘scared to lose me’ and when i ask you to hug me you’re ‘tired’!”

I think of you,

I want you too,

I'd fall for you

what a stupid argument, you’ll think months later.

but that’s too late, because you two will ‘take a break’ and slowly grow apart from each other.

I think of you,

I want you too,

I'd fall for you

“those are your things” his deep voice, the one you loved comforting, was handing you a box full of your stuff, “if i forgot something i’ll give it to hobie”

“okay.”

I think of you,

I want you too,

I'd fall for you

two years. it’s been two years. no more contacts, barely waving at each other when catching up on the streets of new york.

two years, and you can’t move on.

you feel dumb because “of course he moved on, he’s miguel o’hara”, “of course he’s with other women, who cares about me now?”

two years, and you still love him.

I think of you,

I want you too,

I'd fall for you

“a friend of mine is hosting a party, wanna come?” hobie is sitting next to you in a café, “she has a bunch of male friends, even older ones, that might interest you”

“s’not like i’ve got choice, right?” you chuckle stupidly and nod, “when?”

It's affection always...

you enter the cozy apartment of gwen stacy, the girl that hosted the party.

hobie told you last minute he arrived a little later, so you just sat in a corner and waited for him.

“hey, you must be y/n!” gwen smiled and sat next to you. “i heard about you, you’re hobie’s best friend”

i smile, “yeah, it’s me”

“he told me to invite a lot of male friends for you!” she laughs, “older ones as well”

you blush, why did he do that??

“oh he did? i’m sorry, he’s kind of an idiot”

“nah it’s okay. actually you’re lucky, a old friend of mine is searching for a girl just like you. he wants to move on from a relationship, nothing serious”

“that’s great, who’s him?”

It's affection always...

“hey gwen, did you found that-” his deep voice.

you open your eyes widely, almost checking your eyesight.

“oh there he is, y/n, this is miguel o’hara. he’s that friend i’ve told you about” gwen grinned. “i’ll leave you two alone, goodnight guys”

gwen stood up and walked away, leaving you face to face with miguel.

he looked as young as two years ago, even more beautiful. you felt your heartbeat increase and your cheek burning up. your hands were shaking and you’re sure you’re blushing like crazy. his jaw was slightly dropped, you could almost see hearts in his eyes, as you slowly fell in love with him again. and he was too, deep down.

“hey” he said,

“hey” you replied.

[problemduetest4life]

Forget me not playlist

(playlist for @unohanabbygirl 's fic Forget me not on ao3)

Bitch - Allie X

Bang Bang Bang Bang - Sohodolls

Paper Planes - M.I.A.

Black Treacle - Arctic Monkeys

Criminal - Fiona Apple

Seventeen - MARINA

Goth - Sidewalks and Skeletons

Oblivion - Grimes

Blue Monday - New Order

Bad Things - Cults

*

No Surprises - Radio Head

The Gold - Manchester Orchestra, Phoebe Bridgers

Mama's Boy - Dominic Fike

**

Roommates - Malcolm Todd

Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood

I Wanna Be Yours - Arctic Monkeys

About You - The 1975

The Bomb - Florence + The Machine

Cinnamon Girl - Lana del Rey

Fuck and Run - Liz Phair

***

Vampire - Dominic Fike

False Alarm - The Weeknd

Delicious (demo) - Ayesha Erotica

Erotic Electronic - Slayyyter

After Hours - The Weeknd

****

Agnes - Glass Animals

Self Control - Frank Ocean

Disappear - Beyonce

*****

Remember My Name - Mitski

Ptolemaea - Ethel Cain

Swim Good - Frank Ocean

Liability- Lorde

Crack Baby - Mitski

******

Spotify Link

explanation under the cut ;)

I made this playlist because I noticed I was listening to similar songs whenever reading FMN, so I started to make it all into one playlist. I also wanted to get better at fitting themes to songs etc... for other playlists and this was good practice.

I was mostly inspired by music mentioned in the fic, stuff I already listen to that was angsty teen esc, or kind of dark and funky tunes.

It does follow the story chronologically (for the most part) and I divided it into sections to explain my thinking. The first section is the start of the story, just stuff that fits Luke's vibe and character in foster care and prison.

Section two is short and just his starting relationship his "family" and all the confusing feelings that come from that.

Section three is pretty much him and Aemond's relationship. It starts with yearning, gets kind of sweet and fluffy before it takes a darker turn. Luke's past trauma starts peeking through more in this section.

Section four I defintly think I'm going to add more too. It's basically just the "club chapters." Ayesha Erotica was mentioned so I obviously had to include her and all of Slayyyter's music also fits that style so I added that. Their music needs to be blasted with bass so loud it shakes your rib cage. I wanted to find music that had a more sinister sound for this section as well, but I'm still on the hunt. You can imagine this section ends with the hookup during After Hours.

SECTION FIVE! Aemond's POV. Angsty, concerned, confused, frustrated, guilty, all of the above.

Section six is the aftermath of everything. It's desperate and sad, but perhaps with sprinkles of hope underneath??

Anyways, I will keep updating when I find more music that fits because 30 songs isn't a whole lot. I just wanted to post this now because I'm on a break and I have time to extra stuff like this :))

[thedawningofthehour]

I'm scared by the very calm description about Casey's father compared to Casey's version, If this Papa Jones is anything like IDW's Arnold Jones/Hun, then I can easily see him pretentding to act calm just to raising hell and organizing a whole radicalized group behind the scenes to go to Mutant Town and see who took his daughter.

All ending in an incident that would support Draxum's agenda.

I don't know about this, but considering Casey's parent issues I have a feeling that once he finds out the truth about Donnie, he'll go all '12 Karai and go straight for Draxum's head.

Also, I wanted to mention how messed up it is that in '03, Hun is responsible for Casey's father death, while in IDW he's Casey's dad. It's like in some dimension, Shredder is relate to the turtles, hahaha...... wait.

Come to think of it! Shredder is like the x10 grandfather of the turtles, Draxum is their creator and Big Mama is their daddy's ex, if the whole plot of the series is just one big family feud?

Wait, IDW Jones Senior is Hun?! I need to read IDW, don't I? It sounds so fucking metal.

I mean, being sober makes a big difference. Don't do drugs, kids.

Or if you do, don't do meth. For real, I have not heard a single story of someone casually doing heroin or meth and having it not ruin their whole life. This is my big sister advice. Don't touch that shit. Go ahead and smoke a joint, have a drink, whatever, just don't drive. Be smart in your drug use.

Hold up, that was 2003 Casey Jones's origin story?! How do I not remember this?

My memory of 2003 is so weird. It wasn't even my first TMNT, I was like eight when it started, so I should remember more. I'm pretty sure I stopped watching around 2005 because that's when ATLA came out and my hyperfixation shifted, and I think I missed a lot of episodes because TMNT was on right when I got home from school and my mom would go through periods where she made me do homework before anything else. (which meant that I never did anything else, my parents were really crazy and would legit have me at the table doing shit from 4-9/10 at night in the third grade) Back before streaming and I don't think they had the episodes on VHS at the video rentals, so if you missed an episode you'd have to wait until the whole show cycled through. Dark ages, truly.

I do like how everything is connected in Rise, I think that was a good narrative decision. The Krang are responsible for Yokai, Yokai nonsense resulted in the turtles, Krang made the Shredder and the Shredder caused the rise of the Hamato clan. I think that's cool and a good choice for the story.

But I do have to appreciate the absolute chaos that TMNT storylines have typically been. The ooze is usually alien in nature, (was that the case in 87? I was very young then I have an excuse for not remembering plot points) but everything else? 2012 Splinter was a whole-ass dude with his own generational trauma and conflict and literally stumbled into a secret alien meeting that had nothing to do with him. Saki just shows up wanting to kill his former best friend and winds up involved in crazy alien shit. There's a bunch of gangs in 2012 and 2003 that see all this mutant stuff happening and are like "damn that's crazy. Anyway." There's a whole-ass alien invasion that has nothing to do with any of the above. The Triceratons just show up and feel like wrecking shit. The turtles end up in space because why the fuck not? Their space dad is a robot. It's insane. And it just works.

[omorinintendoswitchedition]

DMC Questions Anon here!

Before you read this next question:

I was informed that it would be a good idea for my questions to be answered with a specific tag so if people wish to block it they could. Please tag your answers to any question I send you with "dmc questions anon" and I think that should work.

If you wish to be taken off the list, ask. If somebody wishes to be placed on the list, ask. If your anon asks are off and you wish to participate, just make a post answering the question you see going around.

Remember you do not have to answer every question, so please don't feel pressured to do so.

Please also remember to take as long as you need! Do not rush yourself, this is supposed to be a fun activity and I don't want anyone to feel stressed out by trying to rush to answer questions.

Now onto the actual question:

How would you rank the 5 games in the Devil May Cry series? (By story)

Separately, if you want, how would you rank extended material? (The DMC1 Novel, The DMC3 Mangas, The Anime, The DMC2 Novel, Deadly Fortune, Before the Nightmare, and Visions of V, all of which can be found (along with other stuff) here: https://originaldmc.github.io/DivinityStatue/Downloads.html)

If you wish, how would you rank all of it together in one big list?

Omg hiii anon!!!!

I’m gonna be honest and say I haven’t made my way through all the dmc side content yet, I’ve only managed to read Visions of V so I guess I have to rank that number one. Ive also watched some of the anime, but not enough to really give it a firm rank. I’ve been kinda busy lately so I just haven’t had the time to finish reading all the novels

And onto the games!!!!!!

Number 5:Dead last

Devil May Cry 2. Okay yeah this should not be a surprise. DMC2 failed in pretty much every category when it comes to games. The story is just mind numbingly boring. Let’s move on

Number 4:Pretty Eh but doesn’t really hold up well with the later entries

Devil May Cry 1. Someone on Reddit said this the best but when you compare it to later entries DMC1 kinda feels like filler. I am all for a DMC1 remake of it means giving Mundus a much more satisfying ass whooping (and more screen time for Trish!!!! She deadass isn’t there for half the game!!!! I literally forgot she existed in that game halfway through!!!!)

Number 3:Concepts were great but man they missed some potential

Devil May Cry 4. The concepts of a religious cult ruling and island and creating angels from the power of demons rules. And putting us in a position where Dante was the “bad guy” was actually really cool. But half of the game is just backtracking as Dante which puts the story on hold. The scrapped concepts for DMC4 were so cool and so should’ve been included man :((

Number 2:Overcoming your daddy issues

Devil May Cry 3. Dante and Lady both had amazing arcs throughout this game. With Dante accepting his repressed past and demon side and proudly claiming himself as son of Sparda who harbours his soul. It’s enough to make a grown man cry. And Lady’s arc of learning that not all demons are evil, and finally being able to extract revenge on her father. And who can forget that famous “even a devil May cry when he looses someone he loves” line. And I ain’t gonna pretend Vergil wasn’t a banger part of this game’s story cause he was a banger part of this game’s story. A man who seeks power to the point of self-destruction. Who is just as fucked up as Dante but refuses to let himself feel those emotions, and instead filling the blanks with raw strength. And the post credits scene with Mundus…..biting and chewing and killing……ough the post credits scene with Mundus…..

Number 1:That’s intergenerational trauma babyyyy

Devil May Cry 5. As much as I mald and seethe about how dirty Lady and Trish were done in DMC5 I truly do fucking love DMC5. Watching Vergil finally gain the capability to express his emotions and be able to reconcile with his past and his trauma and work for a better future got me wailing and weeping. Watching Nero be able to prove that yes, he is powerful and capable as a devil hunter got me weeping and wailing. Seeing Dante and Vergil finally being able to reconstruct their sibling bond after so many years and keep their sibling rivalry on less violent terms got me weeping and wailing. Everything about V got me wailing and weeping. Nico was such a good addition to this franchise with her personality and how she bounces off the others with her snarky little remarks and was a good source of comedy relief during rough times. The passing of the torch moment was honestly so powerful and I’m actually really looking forward to seeing how Nero can carry on that torch through the series. And the references to the DMC anime in the forms of Patty and Morrison were really neat too.

[foggyparadisecandy]

Honestly I don't think I've ever heard other people talk about it as well but there is something about watching other people share what they're going through and talk about their trauma that sometimes helps you look in on yourself and start to be able to process your own issues

It's almost silly in concept, having to watch someone else hurt to realize oh! I cut my hand as well, I'm also bleeding, I'm also just,, hurting, as if you would've never noticed without seeing someone else react in pain

I think half of it is the reminder that life goes on during the hurt, during the pain and that's okay, you'll keep living

Thank you for sharing what you're going through, I know it's hard to be open at times

Thank you for just sharing your journey through it all

Thanks nonny.

I appreciate that and your kind words. It's honestly been a combination of pure anguish on my part in sharing and the desire to let others know:

A lot of us are hurting.

It's ok to hurt. It's part of the human experience.

I think it's foolish to think life is all beautiful all the time. If we didn't have the lows, would we appreciate the highs?

The only things I regret really are some of the sloppier posts where my words have been harsh toward K. My emotions have been a fucking mess and while I have always felt overriding care and love and concern for her, I've said some things in a brutal way that honestly aren't fair and not really my vibe.

The truth is when she first ghosted me I was ... so lost ... so hurt ... so confused ... and, in general, ghosting triggers self-doubt in the strongest people but for me ... well shit ... abandonment is my number one fear in relationships so ... I was filled with so much self-hatred and doubts and just "why did I hurt her?" "how did I hurt her?" "why do I suck so much?" kind of stuff.

It took four weeks of venting and some extremely kind souls walking me off that ledge (some of them got so much from me that I'm no longer welcome in their dm's - so embarrassing to me) to remind me of who I am. I am not perfect. But I did my best for her. And I knew she benefitted from our time together.

Which ... honestly ... made it even harder in some ways lol.

Because I *felt* she still loved me as much as I loved her so ... my little brain just couldn't understand why someone would leave what I thought was such a great, loving, special relationship.

Once I finally put my "I fucked up" fears to bed and realized that I did my best, I started wondering ... why *did* she leave? And then I saw her trauma and actually READ what she had been telling me. And that raised all sorts of other concerns. I missed her hurt on the first go around. That made me feel so shitty.

I became afraid for her.

My "daddy" / "protect my baby girl" / "save the woman I love" instincts were going in overdrive with no way to properly express them. Fucking sucked tbh. I lashed out. Reached out to her sister and sent her a snail mail to her work - a complete violation but I was so panicky to connect and make sure she was ok.

I regret those messages and am sorry I did them. I can see how that completely freaked her out further and did the opposite of what I wanted - to comfort her. :(

And ... it was none of my business as so many people told me. I just ... I ... couldn't ... process it. My fear for her was so loud in my head. I wasn't eating. Wasn't sleeping. I would wake up in a sweat thinking of her in trouble. Wake up crying with worry. Ugh.

Well shit ... look at me recap all of this ... I'm clearly still not fully through it ... but ... I do feel better these days.

In an act of courage (it might be more complicated on her end but this is what I see it as), she reached back out and gave me so many answers that were still driving me mad. My god ... the strength of character she showed in doing this is inspiring.

I will forever be grateful for that kindness she showed me with that act.

Plus it reconfirms my belief that she is going to have a great life - she challenges herself even when she's uncomfortable - she is not perfect - who is? - but she is working at improving.

NGL ... I've said it over and over ... and ... I ... am aware this might make her uncomfortable so I'm doing my best to not keep going on and on about it ... but ... yeah ... I still do love her ... and I care ... and I want her to have her best life ... and I forgive and forgive and forgive ... I don't want her for a second to beat herself up - I actively do NOT want that - it's a waste of her energy ... she can focus on healing her own stuff and not feel guilty or bad.

Fuck. That woman has had enough hurt for one lifetime. I sure as hell don't have any desire to add to it. Fuck no. That is the opposite of what I want for her!!! Live. Be happy. Respect yourself. Feel deserving. Feel loved. Feel wonderful. Heal. Have a wonderful full life filled with joy and contentment and love.

THAT is what I want for her. (not my business really ... I know this ... she is not "mine" to want things for ... she is her own person and has a handle on things)

She did a horrible thing to me and us. But that thing she did is not her. She is good and decent.

Good people do horrible things. I hope she internalizes that difference. She deserves to feel good about herself. She is a good person in so so so many ways.

She reacted in ways she learned to react as a kid when confronted with "a lot." I harbor no delusions. I am a lot lol - usually in very loving way but ... a lot of loving is still a lot!

Add that to the dom stuff I was pushing on her and ... all the other stuff she was facing ... I didn't give her room to breathe. I thought everything was open and honest but ... I have grown to realize that wasn't fair! I was her daddy, her dom, an authority figure ... it's hard to speak up and out to authority figures - especially if you love them.

So ... yeah ... she ran. A few times ... :(

But ... I don't blame her.

It hurt me but ... I don't blame her and I also forgive her. Do better do better do better - of course that's true and I know she doesn't feel good about things. She is sharp as hell and she's working on things like I'm working on things. I believe in her. I have faith in her.

(also true: it's no longer my business - but still ... I care I care I care and I want the best for her.)

She literally has NEVER let me down long-term. Just ... some ... horrible ... short-term ... pain ... lol

And even that pain? Good has come from it.

It has propelled me to work on my own shit and grow. So ... I straight up have gratitude there for the experience - as shitty as it was going through it.

LOL - you triggered a book, nonny.

Thanks for your kind words and I hope whatever struggles facing you or other readers are seen as growth opportunities and you can find peace with them.

[OFC ... I'm still working on my parental issues ... which ... are going to be ... something ... ugly. That's tomorrow's problem though lol]

[quirkless-accident]

MHA Fic Rec List

I'm gonna be not next to a computer for a whole ass week so I won't be able to write any drabbles. (I will be able to answer questions, though, about me or my opinions)

So do entertain yall I made a fic rec list of my favorite MHA stuff. Most of it is probably going to be Dadzawa stuff because I like to read that in a vain attempt to cure my own crippling daddy issues.

My Hero Academia

1. Complicated Creation by Elemental

An absolutely wonderful spirit land au where izuku can see the spirits that give people their power. Lots of dadzawa. Lots of angst. It's the one I've reread the most on this list

2. Viridian by SilvermistAnimeLover

SilvermistAnimeLover stole not only my heart but my sleep schedule as well. Viridian is a vigilante!Deku au where he time travels from an apocalyptical future. Hilarity and angst ensue. Dadzawa is dadzawa

3. Penny for Your Thoughts by cassiopeia721

This one single handedly cured my daddy issues. Izuku and Aizawa get affected by a mind-bond quirk so they can hear each other's thoughts for like a week.

4. Prodigal by writerllofllworlds

A recent find of mine, and I fell in love. All Might tells Izuku to give his quirk to Mirio. He leaves UA, becomes a vigilante, and rescues Eraserhead, all before a big battle that's yet to come.

5. Not All Exists are Made Equal by LunaLucrea

Aizawa gets kidnapped but he's got 21 problem children that care a little too much

6. i'll be your biggest kept secret and your biggest mistake by sascake

This is for you ToduDeku fans. Vigilante!Deku and Pro!Shouto meet under strange circumstances and they keep running into each other until acquaintances become friends and friends become more

7. throw me a goddamn rope-just enough to hang myself with by mutalune

This is probably my favorite on the list. Another time travel au where Aizawa gets sent back in time to stop an apocalyptical future at the hands of Shigaraki from happening. Except he goes a little too far back

8. Stay Close to Me (Don't Go Nowhere) by Darkling Moon

I've got more but these ones are my top mha fics. Most of them are either Dadzawa or Vigilante!Deku because I don't know how to like things normally

EraserMic Zombie au. That's it. That's the whole story

Danny Phantom

1. Stay by jaeger_soul

For my SwaggerBishie lovers, from Dash's pov comes him befriending Danny and fighting off his anxiety

2. Easy Target by orphan_account

Another Dash pov fic. Phantom gets hurt and Dash helps him out, and finds out about Fenton/Phantom. It's absolutely amazing and sweet

3. Phantom of Truth by Haiju

I know this is already on everybody's rec lists, but for a good reason. Danny is captured by the Guys in White and is experimented on by his mother. I literally couldn't put this down.

4. Everything Was White by lexosaurus

Currently in the middle of reading this one. It's become one of my new favs. It's beautifully written by @lexosaurus and takes us on a journey with Danny as he recovers from his trauma indiced by the Guys in White

5. The Trouble With Ghosts by Lynse

Also currently reading this. Lancer finds out about Danny

6. Magnetized by imekitty

A dissection fic! Maddie pov and absolutely chilling. 11/10

7. A Ghost in His Bonnet by EyesofCrows

Wes pov for you conpiracy theorists out there. They're in college, and Danny is a cryptid

8. Things I Can(not) Do in Amity Park by RedHeadsRock1010

Exactly what it sounds like. Danny tries to see how much he can get away with before Amity figures out his secret

Crossovers

1. Haunted Halls by Sirina77

An MHA/DP crossover no longer in the making, but it's good enough for me to put on this list. Danny gets blasted through a portal and into the MHA universe where a very tired homeroom teacher takes him in.

2. What's a Quirk? by written_in_blood

Another DP/MHA where Present Mic brings a bleeding out half ghost home with him

3. How Class 1-A Summoned the Ghost King and Made Friends by Reclusya

Tokoyami convinces 1-A to host a ritual with him and they summon Danny. There's lots of chaos. It's hilarious

Honorable Mentions

1. Only Human by TheOnlyWife

A DP/Young Justice (Justice League?) one shot. The League is consistently horrified by Danny and the absolute raw power he holds in his tiny body

2. Deeper, Darker by SilverMoonPhantom

A DP/Stranger Things crossover where Will hunkers down in the Upside Down with Danny

3. The Ghost of Heroes by Enigmaris and ScarletNightFury A beautifully written DP/Avengers crossover where he and Spidey are bffs and give the adults migraines. I spent an hour looking for this because my dumbass forgot to bookmark it. It was definitely worth looking for, and definitely worth reading

4. Sports Festival: Lost and Found by RogueVector

MHA fic where Izuku gets lost at the Sports Festival and gets sent to the announcer's booth with Aizawa and Mic. He gets to show off his analytical genius while Twitter goes crazy

5. Lost and Found by Andai

Another MHA fic where Izuku's deadbeat father tries to come back in his life. Overprotective Aizawa. Overprotective Class 1-A. A little bit of high School Musical thrown in for good measure. I reread this one to help my crippling daddy issues

Have fun!

[dirtycccat]

the demon bros+ undateables showing their love

thought about this for 5 min then had to write it out so enjoy

lucifer

first off you notice he treats you differently

and by differently i mean like you’re his favorite child  sibling

you get away with anything??? and he’s softer with you than with the others (which is canon)

then you see that?? he keeps buying you stuff you said you wanted when he was present

and you’re ofc impressed

but you’re more impressed by how open he’s around you

he’ll leave most of his walls down around  you

which means you’ll get to experience unfiltered lucifer

he’ll laugh around you more, make dumb dad jokes, nap with his head in your lap, complain drunkenly about his work and bros, give you sloppy cheeks and forehead kisses

you find it rly cute though

if you’re in the human world he’ll 100% take this chance to send you beautifully written letters asking you how you are and leaving some verses that reminded him of you on the back like a 19th century vampire

“dear mc, how is your life? mine is filled with woe and unease since i do not  have the light of my life around anymore...anyway here’s a poem about being horny and alone by a 18th century romantic author hope to see you soon, xoxo lucifer”

you try to respond in the same way and send him memes on the back instead of  poetry (or real poetry depends on your mood)

mammon

protective of you 100% will throw hands with anyone that even glances weirdly your way

but also wants to show you off? like look at this human!!! this is MY human!!!

gives you random thoughtful gifts that reminded him of you

wants to be around you 24/7 so he invites you to all the events that he thinks you’ll like

you wanna party? perfect. you wanna go on a weird ghost stories tour around the city? cool. you wanna waltz in one of those old people parties? he’s already reserved two tickets. you just wanna lay around and nap? he’s already on your lap.

it doesn’t matter if you’re in a romantic relationship or not this man WILL serenade you outside your window

rapunzel style with an acoustic guitar or with a boombox like a rebel 80s kid

anyway here’s toxic by britney spears babe this is for YOU

levi

considers you his bff ofc

but also at first he’s still really awkward around you and doesn’t really know what to do for you and feels bad thinking only you do things for him

until you reassure him you enjoy just being around him so it’s fine

he blushes and starts inviting you more to his room to game/ watch stuff

at some point he starts buying two tickets to all concerts he goes to and invites you along

but also? he asks you what you’re into and starts marathoning your favorite animes/ movies/ series so he can talk with you abt them

you feel really moved that he’d do that for you???  like??? bruh...

your relationship is basically friends respecting each other and wanting to know each other the best through their passions even if it means getting into some weird shit

it’s rly wholesome tho

if you’re romantically involved he’ll totally do roleplay as your favourite character and you do the same for him and it’s really cute

also imagine: artistic collabs. you make fanart together??? you can program games together???? you do cosplay together??? the possibilities...

satan

he’ll hate to be compared to his dad brother but he does show how much he trusts you by showing his unguarded side too

when he first talked about lucifer without the filter of his nice guy persona you were pretty shocked

like he was really going at it

but then you realize? he’s just like that when he’s comfortable

and it’s not all mean spirited, he just has,,, a strong personality and a lot of opinions about stuff (which you sometimes share with him)

but you also found out it’s really fun to gossip with satan

since he knows all the juicy gossip from his multitude of ties (he’s sharing the title of gossip queen with asmo that’s why they get along so well tbh)

also if you even find a teacher you hate he’ll tell you all their embarrassing moments to make you feel better

he also recommends you books and poems and sends you quotes that made him think about you

so you sure as heck don’t need to buy books while you’re in the devildom bc he’ll buy you an entire library 

asmo

compliments you without comparing you to himself which is the highest compliment he can give

like mammon he’s more into the showing everyone his favorite human around while also protecting them

he’ll take you to his parties and gatherings as a guest of honor, he’ll make you meet all kinds of people and open up opportunities for you

he’ll be the one that pampers you

you’d think lucifer is the sugar daddy of the family but nope it’s asmo

he’ll buy you cute clothes, shoes, beauty products everything that he saw and imagined would look bomb on you

if you’re not into clothes he’ll buy you art supplies, books, anything you want but he’ll still probably  buy you at least some clothes he thinks are cute

if you’re romantically involved,,,, he’ll buy other toys for you as well which you can try together wink wink

beel

cooks for you

no questions asked when it’s his turn to cook he’ll think about what YOU would like to eat first before making something

which is??? really touching coming from beel

and also means sometimes he’ll make the same dish three weeks in a row and annoy the others while you just get excited bc ??? you get to eat your favourite dish??? again and again???? 

thank you beel you truly know how to touch someone’s insides

also opens up to you and talks to you about his fears and thoughts

expect to get 4 am msgs from beel if he had a nightmare

which would end up in you coming to cuddle him (and belphie also joins sometimes)

which tbh is that even a thing you can complain about?

belphie

is more baby less murder when you’re around

naps on your lap, naps on your shoulder, naps with you anywhere

but also let’s you nap on HIM

besides being soft around you he actually opens up to you too

and talks to you about his traumas and issues

which he has in common with his twin what can you do

so you have weekly cuddle parties with him and beel where you talk about shit and actually make them resolve their issues instead of just,,, ignoring them

also if you’re into each other you probably tease each other and flirt really shamelessly in public while the others cringe and or blush at your language

are you a cowboy? because i want you to ride me all night 

simeon

writes you fancy letters with poetry like lucifer, but his ink is scented and  his envelopes contain pressed flowers more often than not

if you’re together you even do letter sexting if you’re into it

creates characters based on you in his stories (which you don’t believe even if levi points out you that the two of you are kinda similar)

asks you to spend more and more time with him and luke

invites you to picnics, reads to you while your head is in his lap, cooks you snacks

if you’re a theatre kid too,,, you do musical love confessions too,,, sometimes by just reciting the lyrics of really popular musical theatre songs in a death panned voice

cough a heart full of love from les mis but read like poetry through the fence of the house of lamentation cough

asks you cryptic shit hannibal style like “tell me mc what does it mean to want to be consumed whole by another? is it a desire to become something bigger than yourself or is it related to our need to become one with our loved one like some cultures pointed out before?”

you’re either really into his cryptid talk or just roll your eyes and smooch him

diavolo

invites you around to his castle all the time

sometimes he even pulls some weird shenanigans just to make you spend more time with him

expect tea parties with him luci and barbatos in no particular combination

gives you compliments 24/7  even in public

remember how he treats lucifer? he’s that for you too but he’s learned from the lucifer experience to focus on complimenting you as a person more than how you look

if you’re into pda he’ll touch you all the time

if you ever wanted a gomez - morticia romance, here’s your goth big titty himbo that’s way too full of love

if you’re lovers expect to be pampered, i feel like? he doesn’t buy a lot of gifts and such because he’s probably tired of material things but he will make time in his busy schedule for you and spend a lot of time with you

which means more to him than gifts

(we will buy you anything you ask though)

barbatos

actually talks with you about stuff outside rad, the demon bros and diavolo

also invites you to alone time tea or wine time

where you drink and gossip

if satan and asmo are the crowned queens of gossip barbatos is the king of gossip but he doesn’t share his knowledge to most people so nobody knows what he knows

but he knows,,,, a lot

and not only that he knows a lot about people nowadays,,, but imagine the things he knows about like historical figures and such,,, 

so prepare for story time with barbatos where he  talks about how oscar wilde was almost summoned by drunk inccubi during a party once, or how  diavolo cried when he was a kid because he sent a letter to caravaggio asking him to paint his portrait and he said no

also if you get drunk together expect really energetic talkative barbatos destroying DESTROYING everyone (except diavolo ofc)

“lucifer please i once saw you crying because you thought diavolo was ignoring you when you actually forgot to press the send button to your messages ”

if you’re romantically involved diavolo will always be first in his hear but that just means you’ll have to invite diavolo along on your dates which  just means you’ve got a new lover and a new bff

solomon 

he invites you on all kinds of wacky adventures

you  visit witches, go to weird magical forest parties or orgies if you want, you go travelling the mountains for rare herbs

it’s like you’re faust and he’s mephisto  haha the irony and he’s showing you another side of the world you never knew 

ofc the others know about all this but??? they thought it’s normal and didn’t even consider you know nothing about it

but solomon knows what it was like to be just a human

and since he likes you he empathizes with your situation

he also make you meet all kinds of people

since he has 72 contracts and hundreds of years of doing wack stuff he must know some interesting people

and now his friends are your friends 

i feel like romantic solomon would be just him?? but less shady with you especially since now you understand him better 

but also he’ll probably bring you weird shit from his alone expeditions

did you ever want the tears of a mermaid? a carnivorous plant that feeds on emotions? a crying portrait? no? well too bad because now you have a room full of weird items

...that you love and treasure thank you very much

[scarlett-vixen]

random scarlett question of the day /j

what is her relationship w the different om characters anyways im curious jgdfhjkjgdghj :3

ARI HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT I LOVE YOU RECENTLY???? Because I do. So! Scarlett took a while to adjust to the absolute chaos that is the House of Lamentation but now that’s she’s been there a while she’s just as chaotic. I’m doing this in a very random order there’s not really a reason to it lol. I have tons of thoughts on this so I just picked a few for each brother

Placing this under the cut since it’s long/some people aren’t that invested lol

💖Mammon:

• His nickname from her: Mams/Lover boy (the list is endless really but these are most common)

• Scarlett swears she has no favorites but that’s a lie. It’s Mammon. Her original impression was “what a dork” and now her impression is “oh he’s my dork” basically he tried to act all tough in front of her and then he tripped and knock a bunch of stuff over and her immediate thought was “you’re stupid…I like that in a man”

• She was very quiet at first when she arrived and that concerned/annoyed Mammon. “Why won’t the human talk to me” “Why do they not say much??” Never met an introvert in his life (besides Levi)

• One day he made a stupid joke that made everyone else groan but she laughed hysterically. Mammon’s instant thought process is “haha she has a cute laugh….oh… OH!!” He’s a simp now your honor.

• She is VERY defensive of Mams, does not put up with the brothers constant belittlement or degrading. She gives him so much praise and he malfunctions every time. Mammon knows he can go to her about literally anything and it’s safe with her, unless she’s concerned about his safety in which they’ll talk about it and then she’ll get help for him.

• Mammon suffers from “Lost Puppy Syndrome” when she’s not around.

Leviathan:

• His nickname: Player 1 (only through text, he will die if she says it out loud)

• After making their pact Levi tried to pull the “uwu I’m a gross otaku, don’t look at me” card and was immediately shot down. Scarlett proceeded to list her top 10 favorite animes and top 5 characters from each. Levi was so in love, help him.

• Mammon gets jealous when the two of them start talking about some show or manga because he doesn’t understand and they’re talking so fast. “It’s like they’re trying to communicate with me but I don’t understAND!!”

• You think she’s protective of Mammon?? Oh, she goes full guard dog with Levi. She knows he has horrible social anxiety so if anyone makes him uncomfortable when they go out she goes on high alert. She has and will threaten a demon for talking shit about him.

• Levi goes out in public with her and it’s basically “Sir that’s my emotional support human” he finds a lot of comfort in her, knowing she won’t judge him for being a little nerd.

Satan:

• His nickname: Romeo (but only in private)

• You know the meme of two Spider-Man’s pointing at each other? That’s these two. Scarlett has a very bad relationship with her mom and her dad ditched her at a young age, because of this she grew up with a lot of trauma and anger issues that’s she been fixing over the years.

• Satan loves how bold she is with him, others always fear correcting him or challenging his ideas but Scarlett will call him out with no hesitation. “Don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic?” His brothers all freeze, this is it, the human dies tonight. Dramatic?? Of course he’s being dramatic but no one has ever actually told him that.

• Lucifer kept Scarlett’s file hidden and locked away from the brothers specifically because he didn’t want Satan to read it and find out she owns two cats. Satan finds out anyway and has a million questions, Scarlett will show him photos of them constantly and Satan is almost in tears each time.

• They bond over their daddy issues and Scarlett tries to help him talk about his frustrations, even though Mammon is her favorite, Scarlett actually gets along the best with Satan and Levi.

Beelzebub

• His nickname: Bear or Bubby, he actually gets worried if she just calls him “Beel” now because he thinks she’s upset with him :(

• He’s just a giant puppy with her around, Scarlett is the first thing to ever rival Beel’s stomach so it’s pretty common to find them eating together at 2 am. (Lucifer has to get on to Beel for trying to wake Scarlett up in the middle of the night sometimes)

• Beel has a chokehold on Scarlett’s heart and he has no idea. She CAN NOT and will not say no to him.

• Belphie points this out one day to the others and they make a game of it. All trying to get Beel to say or do things that would get Scarlett to say no or make her upset with him little shitheads Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work! In fact Scar starts to get suspicious, why is my big bear suddenly acting like this?? Once she finds out? The brothers suddenly learn Satan isn’t the only scary creature when provoked, they quickly learn messing with Beel is off limits unless they want the pact used on them 👀

• Scarlett has fallen asleep on Beel’s lap on multiple occasions, he loves it. Look how small she is!! The first time it happened Lucifer came by and asked Beel to start making dinner since it was his turn and when Beel said no Lucifer demanded and explanation

“Scarlett fell asleep in my lap….Satan says legally I can’t move now until she wakes up”

• They’re security blankets for each other pretty much. Scarlett will latch on to him in public if she starts getting too anxious and Beel will seek her out on nights that he has nasty nightmares or bad insomnia.

Asmodeus

• His nickname: Princess

• After the pact is form Scarlett still doesn’t spend much time with Asmo and that hurts his feelings, when he asks why she explains that she thought Solomon was his full time boyfriend and didn’t want to get in the way.

• Once that’s cleared up these two become a very powerful duo. Asmo helps Scarlett with her self confidence and becomes the ultimate wingman for her.

• They frequently go to The Fall together and every time they do Lucifer gets a headache worrying about them. It does not help when he finds out Solomon goes with them.

• Is the first to realize the crush she has on Mammon and immediately gets to work playing Cupid. Completely at his brothers expense though, taking every chance he gets to embarrass him and call him out for blushing.

Belphegor

• His nickname: Cowboy

• *stares at massive box of baggage* look I could do a 3 page essay on this one…..instead I’ll summarize and say Scarlett follows the plot of Vicious very closely regarding Belphie.

• She wants to like him, she wants to get a long with him but it’s going to take a while. The first year they don’t have a lot of interaction but year two they become a lot closer.

• Scarlett had a dark sense of humor and will joke about her death a lot later on. She’s made the joke “What are you gonna do? Kill me again” to him several times.

• Once she’s forgiven Belphie he clings to her as often as possible, firstly to piss off Mammon but secondly because he loves how warm she is all the time. When he’s really sleepy he’ll hold onto the back of her shirt and rest his head on her shoulder. Scarlett suggested he do that instead of carry his pillow to classes or when they went out as a group because he’s “less likely to get left behind if the thing you hold onto moves”

• Absolutely melts when Scarlett plays with his hair, won’t admit it but it’s his favorite thing. LOVES when she does it while reading because she’s too focused on the book to see him smiling and blushing. She also does it during movie nights if he sits on the floor between her legs so he’ll make sure he gets that spot every time.

Lucifer

• His nickname: Just Luci (that’s a lie but all his other names are rated 18+ aksananan) she knows better than to say it around other though, unless he’s being a dick

• He expects great things since she had good academic standings in the human world

• Someone who actually listens??? OH??? A+ human 9/10 (still doesn’t fully trust this whole thing) but grateful she isn’t a heathen like his brothers yet

• After a few months he starts to realize she’s just Satan but less deadly and now he’s conflicted because he also has ✨feels✨

• Scarlett does her best to behave and not stir the pot….her first year. Second time around she knows how to bend her demons and push their buttons, she will annoy Lucifer on purpose.

• Is 100% not afraid to put Luci in his place in front of his brothers. They cower in fear each time but are also very impressed, they know better than to piss her off.

• LOVES to tease Luci about his crush on Diavolo, this typically just gets her in trouble though. Even though she’s a menace to him most of the time, Scar will help him out when he has a full plate and needs rest.

[mazuwii]

Zeke SFW Alphabet

Flying monke

Hey bestie, I see you like Mr Monke😏

No shame! No shame!😤 I am writing the chapters everyone has requested but I got asked to do a Zeke alphabet first so here it is

—A (Affection. How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

•Not very physically affectionate in public, he tends to give you stares that gives you the same warm feeling you get from being hugged tightly.

•When you crash into him for a hug, he's so shocked and confused, his heart is dancing at the feeling of your warm little body right against his, affectionately rubbing his back. Before he knows it, he's silently crying, holding your face to his chest so that you don't see.

•Zeke never knew hugs felt so nice and now whenever he's feeling down or whenever you both have nothing to do, he randomly opens his arms up and waits for you to run into them. If you take too long all he does is twitch his hands slightly, which is funny and cute.

•I can see him being way more affectionate in the nighttime, where you're sleeping on him and you mumble under your breath, he kisses your head and strokes your cheek, lovingly gazing at you.

—B (Bestfriend, how would he be like as a best friend, how would the friendship start?)

•Zeke would be the bestest friend ever, sure he isn't the most affectionate or upfront friend but he is incredibly reliable!

•Always defending you behind your back. He insults you but then compliments and uplifts you behind your back to other people. Basically your lawyer.

•I will never stop saying this, Zeke Jaegar is intelligent as fuck and hates small talk so his conversations are so delicious, so full of flavour. His intelligence turns you on so hard, he is so fun to talk to because A, he makes fair points and teaches you things, B, he has a good sense of humour, C, he genuinely listens. He wants your opinion and understands your point of view on the subject.

—C (Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

•Before getting into a relationship, he always thought hugs would be stiff and horrible, especially in bed but he discovered that he was wrong.

•When you were spooning him, he couldn't nearly think straight from the appreciation he felt. Your arm was so secure around his waist and your body was warm against him, it was a feeling that made him wish he was immortal and experience this FOREVER!

•He likes it when you bring yourself to him, automatically. He finds it cute and always compliments you when you do. It isn't a full-of-shit-flattery compliment, he means it.

•"Why- on this gruesome green earth, are you so cute?" He kisses your head as you nestle yourself on his chest. "Mind telling me? Hm?" He pecks your head again and tightens his arm around you.

•One thing he will die to protect is you, he wants to hide you away from all the horrors of the world and treasures you so much and one way to do it is to tightly hold you right against him, melting at the sound of your giggle.

—D (Domestic. Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

•Zeke wants to live in a cottage with you, secluded from other humans. All the serenity of it relaxes him, it's one thing he'd never stop thinking about.

•Sure he wants to settle down but he'd never want to have kids. He sees himself as a failure to all and can see his little ones hating his guts, having to hear them exclaim how much they hate their papa (even if it's just his imagination) terrifies him.

•He felt like everyone hated him, but you and his grandparents and Mr Ksaver. Children would be too much stress

•As for cooking and cleaning, I don't think he's good with cooking or cleaning. He doesn't really make a mess so it's okay that he isn't good at cleaning

•However he isn't bothered with cooking actual food, he'd always just have fruit or instant noodles when he's hungry. So you'd have to be a good cook because my mans has no motivation for that stuff

—F (Fiance(e) How would they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

•Like I said before, Zeke isn't good on relationships so if you both last more than a year and he realises you've helped him as a person and he has helped you, he secures it.

•But proposing would be difficult, he's shy, scared, worried you may laugh and blow him off.

•Eventually he gives in and asks, a heavyweight washing off his shoulders when you said yes, even getting butterflies when he realised you were crying.

—G (Gentle. How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

•His inner child is bruised, you can see a little boy in him anytime he smiles properly, it makes your heart shatter to know that he never experienced his childhood properly and is currently a little boy in an old man's body

•He is gentle, he tries so hard to be soft with you and touches you like you're made of glass. H o w e v e r, my man does not hold back when it comes to baseball.

•Zeke is so happy when he's playing baseball with you that he doesn't realise he may have thrown too hard and only realises it when you grunt at the impact it made with your collarbone, dropping everything and running to check on you.

—H (Hugs. Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

•He hesitates at first when your smaller body collides with his, he had let out a small yelp but couldn't help smiling when your arms get tighter in desperation.

•Slowly and gently, he'd embrace you back and smell your hair.

•Zeke's hugs are warm, secure and surprisingly cuddly. He's too shy to hug you first, you'd have to hug him first and he'd not hesitate anymore. Sometimes, when he's missed you so much, he'd hug so tight that your legs float off the floor, completely powerless in his embrace.

—I (I love you. How fast do they say the L-word)

•Zeke thinks a lot so admitting that he loves you would be an epiphany, even years into the relationship. He genuinely can't believe someone loves him and stayed with him.

•He'd say it with a kiss to your forehead, small freckles of tears glistening in his eyes when he stares longingly at you.

—J (Jealousy. How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous)

•Very jealous but he keeps it to himself. Especially when it comes to the opposite sex. He realises anytime a man talks to you and you smile around them, he can feel himself shrink. He's all dramatic in his head, wondering if he'd ever been enough for you or if you finally realised you deserved a better guy than him.

•All of those thoughts would disappear when you take his hand or talk to him with the tone you always use with him, a cheerful and appreciative one.

—K (What are his kisses like? Where does he like to kiss you? Where does he like to be kissed?)

•Zeke's kisses are hesitant and full of pauses. Sometimes you do most of the work, bringing him closer and all that while he's questioning if he deserves you.

•When Zeke tries to be affectionate, he likes to kiss your forehead, crown of your head, cheek, lips in private. It's reassuring and he loves his little lady more than anything. This small kiss passes on so much serotonin through your skull.

•Zeke doesn't have a specific preference but when you pepper his face with kisses it makes him so happy and fireworks go off in his tummy. With your hands gently cupping his face and your lips pressing every area on his face he softly holds onto you with a flustered smile.

—L (Little ones. How are they around children)

•Lol, he's like their older bro but a lil more distant

Let's move on...

—M (Morning. How are mornings spent with them?)

•Zeke's life is full of duties and priorities but he wishes with his full heart that he could spend the rest of his life lazily holding you with you peacefully laying by his side

•To his dismay, he must leave you to sleep. He has to get up earlier and doesn't bother waking up his sleeping angel, getting ready for work and leaving- not without kissing your cheek. Even if you're fast asleep, Zeke tucks you in and pecks your cheek, admiring you for a few seconds before heading on with his day.

•I'd say on good days, you make an effort to wake up with him and make breakfast so that he doesn't go to work and smoke ciggerates on an empty stomach. Fucking idiot, sorry but don't do that 🙄 even to my readers, don't smoke bestie💜

—N (Night. How are nights spent with them?)

•He does sleep at a reasonable time, sometimes at ten PM, sometimes at eight PM..

•Before bed he'd watch a documentary with you while having dinner and probably tire himself out by sucking in all that knowledge (the TV voice makes him sleepy, so you can see his eyelids drooping when he lies about how he isn't tired... it's cute)

•When it's time for bed he does the usual routine and gets into bed after smoking... which is pretty painful for you to watch but you won't scold him, you'll bring him closer to you and kiss his nose, massaging his scalp and becoming limp when his hand is soft at your waist, caressing patterns with his slender fingers until you fall asleep.

—O (Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

•Zeke thinks he is the scum of the Earth and wouldn't be surprised if you thought so too. It'd be difficult for him to mention any of his trauma so it all comes out through his humour.

•Daddy issues jokes, mommy issues jokes, self-deprecating jokes and you go through so many until you realise the man is traumatised. I can say with full confidence that he once tried making a joke for the millionth time and ended up crying instead of laughing. Of course, you were reassuring and comforted him in every way he needed.

—P (Patience. How easily angered are they?)

•Very patient when it comes to his S/O, he doesn't force anything out of you and slowly, gently speaks.

•Zeke doesn't become angry easily, honestly, he's so smart and open-minded that it becomes a problem because he understands so many things, unable to use his emotions to his advantage.

•Again, emotions pass and are useless to him, they just come and go so he doesn't like feeling too vividly. Especially anger, he thinks there's no use in it.

—Q (Quizzes. How much would they remember about you?  Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

•Like I keep saying, Zeke is a smart, attentive person even when he doesn't mean to be. He pays attention to small details by accident and remembers subconsciously. He memorises a lot of your habits, bad and good and makes notes of when and where they mostly happen, adapting to your lifestyle without realising.

•Someone is asking what to get for your birthday and tries to get a type of chocolate flavour he remembers you despise and he gives away your full interests and a list of what you like, dumping an essay of your public info to one of your best friends and they're just like °_°...?

•It's cute, he just doesn't know his brain sucks everything about you in

—R (Remember. What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

•When you took him out to dance and the music suddenly switched from formal dancing to just 'go crazy' and he watched you GO OFF. You were shaking your hip and hopping around energetically, glaring at him for laughing his ass off over the loud music.

•You forced him to dance with you, both of you whipping your hair back and forth, your movements less stiff but nonetheless, in sync. He's never had so much fun. No one he knew was there, it was all strangers but he felt like only you and he were there, dancing freely to the music, he'd just follow your lead confidently

—S (Security. How protective are they? How would they like to be protected?)

•Zeke is so protective, paranoid but never expressing it, knowing he'd sound insane:

-"Angel, I have to go out with you because what'll happen if you suddenly get run over?!"

-"No you can't use the phone while it's in charge, what if it explodes in your face?!"

-"Cookie dough, don't try handstanding, you could snap your neck!"

-"No, I won't let you go up these faulty escalators, they could suddenly break open and swallow you, here let me hold your hand up the normal stairs."

-"Don't lean against the balcony, you could fall over!"

•So instead he does it sneakily. Like small solutions, in order, he'd: offering to help you shop when you go out, making you put your phone down to massage him, scaring you into stopping your handstands, holding your waist securely when you're both on the balcony.

•To feel protected, Zeke needs constant reassurance from you. Physically and emotionally. A small kiss on his cheek and a little "Don't overthink, I'm here, let it all out, I'll listen to your thoughts."

—T (Try. How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

•I think Zeke is more of a private person but his dates can be fun too. For anniversaries, you'd both have turns. For his half of the day, it would be spent playing baseball, going to the arcade, taking you out to dinner and then he'd warmly hold your hands in his, asking you what you want to do now.

•His gifts are so thoughtful but he tries to be cool when he gives it to you, lips straight and eyes avoiding you like a shy schoolboy. He can't keep his cool since you have to attack his face with kisses🙄 Jees Y/n stop it, he totally doesn't go insane when you do that to him, totally isn't in love

—U (Ugly. What are some bad habits of theirs?)

•I'd say the damn smoking. Zeke chose an unhealthy coping mechanism and needs guidance out of it, so you do just that.

•Taking his cigarettes and helping him get the nicotine out of his body through skipping rope, taking him to the sauna and even massaging his scalp when he has a headache.

•If course it'd be such a shock to him when he realises how nice he feels after his addiction is over, it's amazing what getting rid of one bad habit can do to your life.

—V (Vanity. How concerned are they with their looks?)

•Zeke trimmed his beard shorter and did his hair when he realised he had seemed to be ageing faster but... for the sake of my selfishness this is a modern au

•Surprisingly, he actually has good skin, a nice beard and a good haircut. Zeke is beautiful.

•Only once, has he ever shaved fully and my guy looked 10 years younger and was lowkey getting cocky but he rathered the beard and let it grow out... not too long though

—W (Whole. Would they feel incomplete without you?)

•Zeke is like the moon, it's a bit dark but it's still useful, however, it needs the sun to give it a boost? So what I'm trying to say is you're the sun to him, life wouldn't feel the same now that you've made your mark

—X (Xtra. A random headcanon for them.)

•I don't care what you say, he can do the entire dance for boy with luv by BTS. He doesn't know why he knows it so well, he's only seen the dance rehearsal once (yes he memorizes pretty fast)

•extra but, by the way, Monke man can figure out a Rubix cube faster than a War breaking out in AOT so... haha very fast👁👁

—Y (Yuck. What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

•He doesn't like a controlling partner, not everything has to go your way babe, life is always going to steer you in a different direction and it sometimes is in a better direction than the one you had first intended.

•So there's that

—Z (Zzz. What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

•This is funny to me for some reason? But once he lets go of your cuddle, he subconsciously sprawls his body out, and he does it for the entire night even when you're on top of him, his clothes are somehow half-off. The pillows are everywhere, the blanket is under his heavy thighs so you're freezing on him :")

[ravenvsfox]

I simply have to write down my thoughts for anything to have meaning, so here are my awtwb opinions in no particular order (spoilers ahead!!!):

- the break up absolutely needed to happen, and also frankly it was very tasty

- "you're crying from simon/baz?" "the 'we’re not made of pieces that come apart' got to me"

- the last ditch effort sentimentality on baz’s part and ill-conceived sacrifice on simon’s........ such a lovely lil piece of angst. hurt stokes honesty and vice versa

- why did they get back together literally the next day though. it was like watching someone tear down an old condemned building and then OVERNIGHT an identical building has been rebuilt in its place. the dust hadn’t even settled yet. can we sit in it for like a minute.

- it definitely IS in character for simon to look at the emotional mess he just made and be like wait. I hate this actually. I’m immediately going to fix it despite the fact that I haven’t thought it through and have no plan :)

- this sure is a horny book huh

- actually very tonally appropriate that simon sees intimacy as too much to possibly grapple with. sex is easy when it's prescribed, and he's not really invested in it, but when he wants things very very badly he knows he can never truly have them. he can only host power or love or acceptance for a while before it's taken away.

- (something something orphan something something instability/insatiability)

- he always used to have one clear path, and now he can’t tease apart all his options. he wants everything or nothing. no embarrassing in-betweens, no gentle half-touches, no one foot in and one foot out of the magickal world

- also he wants to be manhandled and told what to do and bitten and consumed. sub behaviour

- every minor character in this book rules. ent bartender, butch legend niamh, cake-maker ruth, tracksuit fox. demon bear lady please wife me.

- sapphics kissing over the birthing juices of a fresh goat? come ON

- I think it’s fitting that goatherder agatha found her own productive, unconventional niche just outside of the place where she felt so constricted and misunderstood. like she wandered out of her ivory tower and found all of these sprawling open pastures

- shepard is so supremely & unbelievably likeable. so delighted and delightful. a mover and a shaker and a monsterfucker. spin-off when

- penny & shepard were also such pleasing complementary colours, and I like that they were both highly self-assured (in contrast w baz/simon's insecurity) and highly impressed with one another

- there’s a lot of awkward pacing in this book, which does feel (possibly by accident) like a testament to the non-linear, unexpected way that people deal with trauma. like it’s realistic that emotional pitfalls and relationship turmoil will always clumsily insert themselves into your “narrative,” you know?

- the demon bride storyline felt like a (super fun) short story nested within the book rather than an important element of the overarching plot itself

- some of the interpersonal groundwork laid in wayward son definitely paid off, but there were also a lot of superfluous plot points, and not a lot of fall-out/consequences? no real stakes (pun intended)

- so much good relationship stuff though! the communication is bantery and productive and tender and sometimes uncomfortable. it all feels like growing pains

- it’s so clear that simon’s innate sense of self is completely hollow; he’s petrified of self-identifying (and thus committing to a label which might turn out to be false again), and he’s afraid of smothering people with how much he wants and relies on them so he ghosts them instead

- the way he self-sabotages just for the rush of fixing things afterwards…. baby let me study you

- he constantly kind of has to reassure himself that he’s normal and also that he’s a Normal (this is what regular people do. this is what healthy affection looks like. And also—I have to remember that I don’t have or deserve magic. I’m not the person I thought I was.)

- he was the chosen one, and it turned out to be fake. and now he’s another kind of chosen one—chosen by Baz, by his friends, and later by the Salisburys, but he doesn’t really trust the sensation of being important to people anymore. he thinks that everything good he has or will ever have has been stolen or coerced somehow, and too much feeling is always inevitably going to be followed by total devastation. doesn’t that make you insane

- the excalibur thing was such a neat little piece of world-building (ancestral magic swords? yes ma’am) although I definitely expected agatha to have a hand in that reveal

- wings y/n?????

- no real resolution for the magic immunity. okie dokie

- I wanted to linger with that mage paternity reveal a bit longer. the upgrade simon’s daddy issues just received…… astronomical

- I liked that penny and simon had a little bit of independence from one another actually, because simon had to think through his problems like a Normal, and penny had to fact check herself when no one was nodding benignly along with all of her ideas. growth!

- a society of chosen ones? cult-leader villain obsessed with empty symbolism? mages seduced not by the promise of power but of acceptance and healing? delicioso

- the climax of this book lasted about twelve seconds, but I enjoyed the continued chapel motif, and the fact that every villain ends up being a shade of simon snow

- the conclusion for daphne, prof. bunce, etc, wasn’t super fulfilling, I was half-expecting a reveal that they were all under some kind of thrall, but since they were just like.. insecure and ostracized by their community, I wanted a denouement where their respective spouses meet them where they’re at, and the world of mages pledges some kind of fundamental change in attitudes/policies towards differing magickal proficiency. maybe! idk!

- so much pop culture in this book. (the yeets…… the vibe checks…..) this one’s going to age like milk, ladies

- it’s cute though! I like a book that is a little parcel of the time that it was made, and I like how un-embarrassed it is of itself

- I love the way all three couples had a really clear, “oh this is what it’s supposed to feel like” moment—the transformative potential of being loved the way you want and deserve to be loved

- so many fab individual moments that I'll think about for the rest of my life, and overall so indulgent and fun to read, but a little messy and out of balance for the final book of a trilogy. the end ✌️

[notmrskennedy]

Noticed

Spencer Reid x GN!Reader

A/N - Howdy! Here’s another little something from my drafts. It’s a draft and a half again so be gentle with it. Also, I’m touch averse and I would be so happy to find someone I wasn’t upset with touching. But c’est la vie! I hope y’all enjoy!

Summary - The touch averse agent starts getting touchy....

W/C - 2.5k

Warnings - none I think, but lmk if there is something

-------------

If Morgan was being honest with himself, he thought you were dying. Or maybe ill. Or so feverish you’d abandoned every single principle you had. Because he’d been there that first day of yours, waltzing up from the coffee machine to see you nervously trailing behind Hotch. It was painful to watch, he remembers, so terribly nervous you’d envy the kid on one of his bad days.

He had smiled at you and stirred his coffee and remained optimistic that someone so obviously terrified would be a decent field agent. (You’d been decent and then some, especially in an interrogation room). There’d been one non-committal wave—distinctly reminiscent of a certain genius—and the first full sentence of, “I’m sorry, but I just don’t do the touching thing. Handshakes included.”

Every little touch plagues you. You’re six inches away at all times, lest someone accidentally bump into you or get the wrong idea that you might be willing to brush shoulders. There’s no friendly pats. No high fives. Certainly no hugs. Garcia is furious in her attempt to loosen you up—to no avail—but Morgan knows better than to push. Something makes you hate skin to skin contact and he’s not looking to share trauma stories with you. Not yet.

So this, Morgan thinks as he wanders into the bullpen while stirring his coffee, is a sign that you’ve lost your mind.

He watches as you carefully extend one palm to one Dr. Spencer Reid. Perched on the edge of his desk, you’re a regular fixture, just another cute figurine to add to the collection. It’s the end to some wild discussion he could hear in the kitchenette, full of flailing limbs and butchered sentences. Everyone always thought it was cute, if you stripped away how irritating it could be.

This is the point where you two are caught up in whatever moment you’re having, so much so that you extend an upturned palm between the two of you. Reid threads his hands through his hair, stunned at your peace offering. Or maybe an offering of something more than friendship. Morgan assumes its something more; not only because you have the softest grin he’s ever seen, but because your fingers are practically begging the kid to hold your hand.

Reid’s careful in how he asks his question—Morgan doesn’t know what it is, but he can just tell. The wide eyes. The scared contemplation. The are you sure parting the kid’s lips.

Grinning and blushing, you just wiggle your fingers. Murmur something that Morgan isn’t allowed to hear. Something only for Spencer. There’s surprise before he grips onto your hand, wriggling all ten combined fingers together. You giggle as you spin him around in his desk chair and get tangled up.

Dropped jaw and grinning, Morgan can’t believe you, so touch averse you, are willing engaging in such risky behaviour. There’s a weird few moments when he wants to remind both of you to wear protection in such endeavours.

And as he’s wondering if hands need condoms, the two of you let go and move on like nothing’s happened. You go back to punctuating your points with your flailing hands. Spencer goes back to distracting from his blush with paperwork.

Morgan goes to get more coffee, trying to stop imaging that you two were his kids, growing up without his consent. And maybe also the hand condoms.

#

It’s shortly after JJ’s wedding—about midnight as the cleaning crew are picking up the straggling drunks—both Hotch and Rossi notice. They’re leaned up against the bar, each smoking a cigar, watching a slightly tipsy you teach an awkwardly sober Spencer Reid how to swing dance.

It’s no secret that you and Reid get on like a house on fire, two nerds that couldn’t shut up about whatever weird ass shit was on your brains. Rossi never made much move to care. Hotch was too stressed to think about what the pair of you did off company time. Everyone, them included, imagined that what time you did spend together was three feet apart. In museums. Wherever. No one questioned what kind of weird nerd shit you did, especially stuff that they couldn’t really be bothered to care about.

Now, they’re forced to carefully consider the implications of how touchy you’re getting. With Reid.

He’s even more gangly and uncoordinated than normal, as Hotch and Rossi watch on, getting thrown around like a rag doll. It’s kind of adorable, Rossi thinks and shares a well meaning look with Hotch. The two of you would be cute and he’s hoping that you do get together. Rossi always knows about these things, even if Hotch is positive that you two are just friends. And as two professional gentlemen do, they made a bet.

Twenty bucks.

Your laugh—one that no one gets tired of hearing—echoes around Rossi’s whole yard, even into his house. Reid’s voice is about two octaves too high as you spin him around on his wobbly feet. You go from three feet apart to chest to chest and back again. Rossi remembers high school dances vaguely and Hotch absently thinks about Hayley’s old infatuation with Grease.

Rossi takes another long drag from his cigar, grateful for the indisputable proof that you two are shacking up. There is no way that two people so touch averse could be touching this much without prior exposure. The yard is a ruckus of both of your laughters, year after year of awkwardness falling off you both in sheets. They’re no denying you two shut in nerds are finally having some fun.

It’s warming both Hotch and Rossi’s hearts.

And their bet.

#

Penelope notices next. Who knew that such a simple interaction could leave her speechless? Stammering and stuttering over not even a full minute of insanity.

She didn’t know how she’d gotten sick, or what she’d come down with, but the only thing that was keeping her in her work chair was you. And the endless buckets of soup that you kept pouring down her throat. Without a case—thank god—for the last couple days, all that you’ve done is sit in the bat cave, keeping her and her soup warm.

It’s as you are finishing some corny ass joke that she thinks how sweet you are. How loving. Penelope’s love language has always been touch—she’s given too many hugs to count—but it’s taken her a minute to figure out yours. And as she stares into the chicken soup in her hands, she realises that it’s everything you do for her. Your love is literally palpable.

It’s in the bright keychains you bring back. Or the crazy pens. Or the way you always drive her home after drinking.

As she’s opening her mouth to tell you, tell you just how much she appreciates everything, when Reid pops his head in, whole body following. He’s got too much of a grin this early. But when he’s far enough into the room, he spreads his fingers out over your shoulder and squeezes. Says something about a case and you follow behind him with a wave of your hand at Penelope. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Like Penelope hasn’t been the one furiously trying to break you out of your shell. The predetermined first to get a hug in the office.

You’re still up and still waving and by the time she’s got her wits about her, she’s asking, “You let Reid touch you?”

The empty room and the closing door don’t answer.

#

JJ is nearly the last to find out. Well, your little touching relationship with Spencer has been the only topic of gossip between anyone for the last six weeks. They can’t believe they hadn’t picked up on the little bits of affection passed between the two of you.

Hand touches. Shoulder squeezes. Quick brushes. The mystical hug Morgan claims he once saw.

For the rest of the world, you and Spencer were nothing but friendly. Maybe even best friendly. To the team of highly trained profilers who had been friends with the pair of you for a combined 15 years, this was marriage material. This was you and Spencer screaming the pair of you had eloped.

You two crazy kids had to be together, but the team was left to sussing it out for themselves. Neither of you two would ever say anything, never give anything up. But surely, the three of them—using Penelope would be cheating of course—could figure out when you two had started up. Because you had to have. There was no way all of this was just friendly.

And it isn’t. That much is clear when JJ gets a phone call from you while she’s looking a crime scene over for what feels like the gazillionth time. Some un-sub with the usual cocktail of daddy issues, anger issues, and a healthy dose of narcissism.

It’s rare you call anyone without good reason. You aren’t the type to just chat—everyone has speculated you got enough of that from Spencer. And once JJ says hello, you start bawling.

You’re sobbing and JJ has no idea what to do.

“Y/n, y/n,” she tries, hoping you’ll calm down enough to breathe properly. “You have to tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s—it’s Spencer,” you hiccup. JJ can hear you sniffling into your sleeves. Can hear the blinkers go as you change lanes. “He’s not answering—not answering his phone. And he said he’d—that he’d call, but he hasn’t. And JJ something’s wrong.”

By the way your breath hitches and your sobs crackle into the phone, JJ knows exactly how bad it has to be. Spencer, however, is supposed to be following up a lead with Emily. Some paint huffer in his mom’s garage—nothing more than a routine witness report. She almost can’t believe something would go wrong.

“What happened? Where are you?”

“JJ,” you sniffle before the flood gates open again, “I can just feel it. Something’s wrong.”

JJ’s mind scrambles. As much as you played it off, you had a sixth sense. Every time, every countable time, someone got hurt, you knew before it happened. You had a gut for these things and JJ didn’t want to think about how bad this was going to be. How bloody. So she scrambles for her car and doesn’t wait for the other detectives to figure it out.

JJ’s halfway to the witness’s house when you make it there yourself. You’re still on the phone, doing a horrible attempt at trying to keep each other calm. You’ve traded the sobs for hiccups, thankfully. JJ can hear you climbing the porch stairs. She’s taking corners at 65 miles an hour.

Nothing seems fast enough when JJ hears the phone clatter to the floor and the shout of “oh my god, Spencer!”

Nothing is fast enough when you’re sobbing out, “You can’t die on me like this.”

Nothing is fast enough when JJ quietly but distinctly hears, “I love you too much for you to fucking die, Spencer Reid.”

#

Spencer Reid always thinks he’s the last to find out. He’s blunt and oblivious and thinks too much to just see what’s in front of his face. He was so sure they had all seen how in love he was, just how desperately he was clinging to the hope they wouldn’t notice. If they didn’t notice, you wouldn’t. Not while wearing the same sort of blinders he wore.

But once everything had come out? He was positive everyone else had known. That he’d come into work one morning and there would be a cake engraved with the words, “Congrats on Shacking Up!”

It never happened. No cake. No lights. No surprises. No one seemed to know or notice or anything. Spencer and you went on like nothing had changed—it really hadn’t anyway. He liked to laugh when you told him the two of you had been practically dating since the first time he’d offered to take you to a Korean film festival.

Two years later and he’s become very aware of you. And also the ache. All of the very dull and consistent ache in his body. Another scar to add to the collection, he bitterly thinks, out of anaesthesia enough to know that he’s in a hospital. That he’s been hurt. That someone’s holding his hand.

It’s calloused and soft and just perfectly latched onto his. A hand he’d waited to hold for too long. One that he’d be holding for the rest of his life.

Attached to the hand is you, sleeping haphazardly between his bed and a plastic chair. Your fingers are tangled in his, head rested on the crook of your arm and the bed. There’s too much of you curled up in a chair. It’s one of his favourite bits about you, just how dedicated you could be. How you were always there when he woke up and always would be.

He smiles and chuckles despite the pain in his ribs. You wake with a start, one startled gasp followed by a shuddery exhale as you realise again where you are. That nothing’s changed. That everything’s changed.

Through lidded eyes, he watches your eyes light up, matching you grin for grin. He watches the anger flash across your face for not even a second, and he knows exactly how bad you want to murder him for scaring you so bad.

Instead, you press frantic kisses to the back of his knuckles, message fully received. You missed him. You’d been terrified. You’d cried so hard, he can still feel the salt on your lips.

“Spencer,” you breathe, giving his hand one more kiss for good measure and pressing his knuckles to your cheek. “God, I’m so glad you’re alive.”

“I’m alive, y/n, I promise,” he whispers back. Hoarse and adorably okay. It’s one thing to expect to get shot going after un-subs. It’s another to get attacked by a PCP addled grandmother.

He wiggles a finger against your cheek. Even though he can’t see your red rimmed eyes or the dark tear tracts on your cheeks, he can feel the tear that pools on his finger. But before he can reassure you one more time, you shush him and tell him to get some sleep and that you’ll both worry about this later. Maybe over jell-o.

He grins.

#

The team, visiting the next morning, doesn’t have the heart to wake up either of you. Reid looks happy for the first time in—years—with you carefully curled into his side. Sure, there’s a scratchy hospital gown and some pesky lines overriding everything, but it’s cute. No denying that. Thank god you two knuckleheads are finally being open about it. Even if you’re sleeping.

Emily smiles to herself as she readjusts her sling. Morgan and JJ are trading exclamations of shock, while Hotch passes Rossi twenty dollars. You readjust and Reid’s arm moves to rest across your cheek. JJ isn’t subtle when she takes a photo, sniggering.

Emily is even less subtle when she snorts. “I guess I can finally let the cat out of the bag.”

Everyone perks up; she swears she sees Reid open an eye.

“Nearly six months ago, y/n drunkenly confessed to dating Reid. She’s a real wild card on tequila, let me tell you.”

“You knew?” Morgan screeches, “and you didn’t say anything?”

Emily shrugs, winces with her busted up shoulder. “Does it matter? Didn’t we all know?”

[gretagerwigsmuse]

✨🎶⛔️🙋‍♀️🍦🎨💞🤩

okay first thank you for sending these (i never actually get responses when i do them so much appreciated), ANYWAY we're gonna cover a lot of ground here so....

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

oh god i hate giving myself compliments, but i'd have to say that i think i do a really good job with the little details? like i've been extensively researching where the banquet/party in the follow up to "even when we're wrong in every way..." is going to take place, to where the reader lives (also there are no dry bars in san diego??? a hate crime?? so now i have to think of an alternative)? and all this stuff that seems so fucking small and inconsequential in the long run, but actually makes it so much more enjoyable for me? i also think i write really natural dialogue, which stems from me reading the dialogue out loud like twenty times (and occasionally even 'blocking' out the scene, which sounds so fucking lame). also 'hates giving compliments' yet writes a fucking novel for this one my ass?

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

i'm almost always listening to music because i can't be alone with my thoughts and am one of those people with over 100k listening hours every year on my spotify wrapped. i've been writing a lot of the sequel to "even when we're wrong in every way..." and have made a playlist! pls follow my spotify, i'm shameless at making hyper-specific playlists for every possible feeling i have. and if i ever make a playlist about something, you know i'm all in

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

this made me laugh way too fucking hard - YES i literally have like 100k+ words of fics i've scrapped. most of them are just me running out of inspo or me not being super into the fandom anymore

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

HA no this is hilarious because i literally tell everyone now and all my friends who are so much fucking cooler than me and know absolutely nothing about fandoms etc. LOVE it??? they call them stories tho, not fics which makes me sound so much more legit?? and last night i finally got them all the read "and even when we're wrong in every way..." and the gc was going through it...😉

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

ironically, i feel like my sweetest fic is also my saddest? it's dual pov and shows both of the characters over the course of the school year following their breakup at the end of a summer romance on the cape (total au, my fave). and just how one of them, cassandra, processes her feelings of inadequacy and being the ultimate 'mirrorball' girl, while the other, harry, works through all the trauma and grief associated with his dad passing away that fall and his subsequent slip into addiction and recovery, making him THE ultimate 'this is me trying' boy. and they finally finally work their way back to each other and are all the stronger for it? it's also my most personal work, i def cried through writing at least three of the chapters - don't get me started on the therapy chapter...😭

🎨 How do you feel about fan art of your stories?

so i've never had anyone make fan art, BUT one of my absolute BESTIES on twitter made an actual EDIT for one of my fics??? like it's unfucking real, i think about it FREQUENTLY

💞 Who's your comfort character?

oh god so this VARIES but i've consistently adored the version of harry bingham i've created in my fics and if you've ever watched the society you're probably like 'jordan he's the literal worst' AND YET i've fixed him and trust fund coke boy brown haired men with daddy issues are my kryptonite. i also go absolutely feral for kendall roy and now bradley bradshaw (i would love to write a fic of him going through therapy and processing his trauma one day)

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

similar to the above, i have to go with harry. i cannot express the hold that writing and exploring his character has on me? i think it stems with them absolutely dropping the ball with his character on the society and also with me identifying with some parts of his character? ALSO now i'm super attached to my smart aleck reader (as sol and i are dubbing her) from "even when we're wrong in every way..." like the sequel/follow up shows such a different side to both her and bradley and how they're working through their relationship six months later. i think one of the things i like most about her (and him to a larger extent) is that i have to show that she doesn't agree with - and even like - this rather large part of his identity and yet they still love each other and are absolutely crazy for each other?? it's been a really fun exercise. plus the smut is fun

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[rcngades]

pour some sugar on me | team free will

things never—righted themselves after traumatic experiences. they settled like moving parts of an old house. fresh hurts fell into place beside aged bones, fashioning themselves into makeshift sinew. it salted doorways, it bled ruby, it stained fingertips. it was always there, dogging every movement, begging attention and confrontation without taking no for an answer. trauma was a house with no exit; you move into the neighborhood and you don’t get out without dishing out hundreds to some quack who’ll diagnose you with daddy issues.

the trick was to ignore all of that.

dean was getting real good at it.

he tapped his thumbs to the rhythm of smoke on the water, lips puckered to exaggeration in mouthing the words. the wooden chair groaned under his full weight as he tipped back onto its hind legs, its cheap lines digging into his back. the summer heat easily beat out the motel’s shitty air conditioner, thickening the air into an oppressive weight. the sheen of sweat sticking to dean’s skin was only just disappearing, after nearly an hour in the room. he was still sporting some unattractive pit stains and—on another note—some scruff that could stand to be shaved off his chin.

it made its way onto his to do list. as soon as the girls got back.

his eyes snuck up to the wall-mounted clock again. letting claire and becky go on the food run was so stu—no. they were adults, jesus. adults who wanted to stretch their legs and get a bit of air. adults with driver’s licenses, common sense, and a couple of pocket knives, just in case. dean sped up the tapping of his thumbs, skin chafing against the denim of his jeans. he rocked his neck to the tune playing out over the radio and dropped his gaze back to the door. 

just because he’d been to hell didn’t mean anyone else was going. being out of his sight didn’t mean they were automatically in danger.

if anyone was as tense as he was, they did a damn good job of not showing it. pam lounged on one of the beds with its questionable bedding, flipping through an outdated magazine. anna scribbles pretty script onto a yellow notepad, having muttered something about a deadline when she woke up this morning. how she was keeping up with her job and the impending end of the world was beyond dean, but—angels. what couldn’t they do? jo was doing a recount of their weaponry, the way she did every time they made a stop. he didn’t know how to tell her to stop doing that; it was anxiety-inducing to think that something might be missing. but he had a feeling it calmed her, so he turned away from it.

before his mind could bend itself any further, the door creaked open. “we’re back!” claire cheered, happier than she’d been when she left. “and look—we brought games!” true to her word, they carried more than just a few bags of burritos; they had an assortment of plastic bags from local stores. dean was silently proud of claire for buying the stuff instead of outright stealing it; her small klepto stint had left its marks on her and they were still trying to ease her out of it. within reason, anyway. 

“we figured we could have a game night,” she rambled, kicking the door closed with her foot. “we haven’t had one of those, even though we’ve been through so much. so i thought it might make us feel a little better? and i even brought nail polish and makeup, so we could do makeovers! and we got cucumbers and face masks, too.” coming to an end, she hesitated, the line of her shoulders deflating before she shoved them back into place. “my parents and i used to do this. when had game nights all the time. i didn’t like them so much when i got older, but i mean...” she exchanged a look with becky. “it can’t hurt, right?”

[hercleverboy]

so it’s rant time buckle up everyone let’s go -

spencer reid went through some shit in his life. The guy had enough trauma to last him a lifetime before he even joined the bau. major daddy issues and a schizophrenic mum? as if that wasn’t enough, add to that everything he went through in 15 seasons. that kind of stuff would obviously take it’s psychological toll. It’s part of the reason why he gets so defensive at times.

now- even if he’s my favourite character, I can admit that he is incredibly emotionally manipulative at times. specifically during his argument with jj in 7x02. that whole ‘what if I’d started taking dilaudid again would you have let me?’ was totally uncalled for a manipulative as fuck. but I hate it when people make it out like he was completely invalid in his anger? because the natural reaction to finding out your close friend who you buried is actually alive and well is to just smile and carry on?

I will shout this till my last breath but Spencer was completely valid in his anger. he shouldn’t really have pointed that all at jj, and he was a little petty, with his snide comments and sarcastic hits. but what else do you expect from someone who’s so used to being let down, has had everyone he ever cared about leave? he felt betrayed by jj, and rightly so. I know she didn’t have a choice, and I actually do side with her in the argument, but you cannot say his anger wasnt valid. As if you wouldn’t be fucking livid.

again, his emotional manipulation is seen again in season 15, when he calls Diana selfish for not wanting to fight against her disease anymore. it’s manipulative, for sure. A guilt trip. but you know what it is? it’s a son not wanting to lose his mother. Not wanting to accept the reality of a situation that’s been building for years. outside of the bau, his mother is all he had. and he knew it.

but as someone who loves the show and the character, I love that he has these flaws. it’s what makes him my favourite character. the fact that he isn’t perfect like people paint him out to be, that he isn’t just the genius boy wonder with a world of knowledge. He’s human, he has these emotions that get out of control and he has a nasty side to him, like everyone does. flaws make him so much more realistic.

and think about it, how many times did the team- his family- shut him down while he was speaking? of course he had a tendency to go off topic but the amount of times he was told to shut up or spoken over was consistent. that would take its toll, would it not? the frustration of being spoken over all the time, even blatantly ignored at times, and also babied by the entire team- would that not mount up?

spencer was very valid in his feelings, and the fact that the team repeatedly made him feel as though he wasn’t was incredibly wrong.