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mariamariquinha · 2 years

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Bossa Nova (Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon x f!reader) - Four

Three | Five

Summary: Sometimes you hated the workings of your mind; it just didn't compare to how your job works.

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: Bad words, a bit of angst, insecurity, low self esteem, talks about cheating, talks about sexism, slight mention of violence, a pinch of flirting, mention of body parts and... I guess that’s it.

Author’s Note: YES! It happened! I’m really happy to share, it took me soooo long to write this. I don’t know if I already used this gif, but it’s him so NEVERMIND

Oh and I’m adjusting my posts given the new Tumblr’ updates, don’t worry. The light will shine and I’ll be able to be happy again!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

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Los Angeles had an average population of 3.8 million. With a population growth of 0.7% a year and with one of the worst transits in the world, you could probably say that coincidences were an improbability. Hardly a high school friend would say that they saw you by chance on the street or you would find a distant relative there.

You liked these stats because they gave you security and a minimal chance of dealing with unpleasant encounters. A lot of people, a lot going on, it was more advantageous to go after celebrities in West Hollywood or Beverly Hills or on the way out of movie studios.

But you had to go to the farmers market that day - Fairfax District, it was in your neighborhood, sometimes you took advantage of paying so much for a house there. It was your father's insistence, to go there to buy fruit and, as he said, important food - accepting wasn't that hard, spending time with him was always good.

She was beautiful. A shorter, more streamlined version of Charlize Theron because despite not having the long legs, she had the smile, hair, and gaze of a woman of that caliber. You knew every possible detail about her because you did your research, in a much more difficult time when things were… different. Complicated. Aileen, that was her name. The ‘Aileen’ who traveled to Ireland every year because her family came from there. The ‘Aileen’ who had a perfect Pinterest with pictures of her apartment in Santa Monica and the time she visited a mansion in Bel Air - the only time you did that was in a case of the theft of golden statues of the Grinch. The ‘Aileen’ who turned out to be… her.

She wasn't the type to complain about the size of the kitchen window, probably because people naturally made things easier for her, more optimistic. It was easy to be like that when life privileged her in the right way. You weren’t like this. You complained about that damn window because Theodore never helped you clean the house, and from the beginning he chose a place that size, with that giant window.

When you saw her from a distance, you thought it was an illusion, that the sun was too hot and made your mind trick you somehow. It wasn't until the second glance, with narrowed eyes and your attention more focused, that you realized it was Aileen, standing at an organic food stall and looking at the products unpretentiously. It's okay, you thought, she must not even know who you are.

It was very quick, discreet, you were soon blinking a few times to distract yourself from the vision when your father returned with suggestions for an eggplant lasagna. If you looked a third time, she wouldn't be there anymore, and you could finish shopping without worrying about bumping into the woman.

Still, it was her. Out of 3.8 million people, you ended up seeing Aileen; THE Aileen, who was so much better when she was just a faceless name. Of course she wasn't a delicate, smiling woman, with all her features perfectly traced by God and who didn't get her hair tousled by the wind - if she did, it would be beautiful as in a Dior perfume campaign.

It looked silly. No, it was definitely nonsense. There was no reason to feel anything but indifference.

… Right?

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It was kind of random, actually, like your mind took you by surprise. A bad habit crawling your skull, your brain, your mind.

First you put on your panties and bra, conventional, without any details that would make them more… elegant and attractive in a way. Black, enough to hold your breasts. You paid attention to what you saw in the reflection - your arms, thighs, belly, cleavage, face. Everything looked normal. Reasonable. You've never been one to go to the gym like crazy, even though you sometimes used your LASD credential for it, and the main reason you lost a little weight was because of the whole diet situation and all. You were healthy, functional, some would even say ‘cool’ with that tattoo on your left thigh that made your mom freak out because it was so big; this goes from your thigh to your ribs! And what does a dragon mean anyway?

Standing there, post-bath and in your most natural state, you ran your fingers through your hair, then tugged at the skin of your face as if to find something there. Turned around, stared at your ass, then the other tattoo you had on the back of your neck, hidden most of the time - there was a discreet scar on your shoulder blade, left side, that gave you memories of a time that seemed a lifetime ago.

“Theo! Theo, what are we doing?” You were laughing a little breathlessly, your hand sweaty with your fingers locked in Theodore's, who was pulling you down the sidewalk with nimble, quick steps, ready for some partially illegal atrocity.

“Relax, we're almost there. You’ll like it.” His voice was whispered, fetching, a reflection of a behavior well out of the way that was part of who he was. Terrible, sagacious, agitated.

You've always liked different things, curiosity would almost eat you up inside, especially for things no one could prove: aliens, ghosts, the Bermuda Triangle, the truth about JFK. Theodore said he liked that about you, it made you unique. That night, you escaped from a birthday party that you had a time to get back from - eleven o'clock. There was an aura of danger and adventure to it all, especially since it was almost midnight and you two should have been home by now. Eighteen years old, these things could happen.

You stopped at a 'haunted' house that was about two blocks away from the party. It was big, your typical horror movie set with dumb protagonists, but you were excited.

With an opening hole in the wire fence surrounding the place, you had to duck through the cut wire, but your clumsiness resulted in a discreet cut. You hissed. Theodore noticed and gently, right there in the weird backyard of that ghastly place, he kissed the bruise, then your cheek, then your mouth.

You got home around two. Your mom just didn't ground you for more than two days because you were packed for Berkeley - not just with your stuff, but with the memory of something you held inside your heart for as much as you could.

You stared at the bedroom door with a deep frown, the tips of yours rubbing with some delicacy against the flesh of your thighs. No, it wasn't right. It shouldn't be like that. Aileen was a fucking ghost for so long and then she… She wasn't even guilty and it was an involuntary feeling; like fingers squeezing your insides, choking, testing one of the few truly authentic things in your life. Her fingers. Theo fingers.

Felt like a fresh cut even though it was all gone so long ago, a scar that opened at the first hint of memory of those terrible times - you even hated Theodore, but you hated more the idea of standing there, in the middle of your own bedroom, with a lump in the throat and reliving a sensation that was hardly allowed to be felt. The guilt, the lack of effort, the questions about where you went wrong when it wasn't really mistakes but choices. No, it really wasn't how it was supposed to be. You should have the resilience you held on to, the wisdom to take every step rationally, to just move on and not treat Aileen like a tormentor - a symbol that aroused your envy because she took something from you.

No, you thought for the third time, rubbing the skin of your face with your palms. She didn't take anything from you. He left. He was wrong. He chose. He made you small in your form as a woman. She… participated. As a accomplice. A partner.

“It’s always about your job! I don’t need a roommate, I need a woman! An accomplice! A partner! How can I find my happiness if you can’t even be the fucking wife you’re supposed to?!”

You clenched your fists tightly and took a deep breath. The thought inevitably made you angry.

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Conference room. Important manner.

For those new to the Department, Emma's behavior could be classified as 'absent' or 'volatile', much like a divorced father who has left and only appears every two years. She had a broader view of the work, made people more comfortable but never enough to break rules, even if she didn't agree with all of them; she was a progressive. Her parents went to Woodstock and she participated in pro-turtles protests - that was her way.

The email that popped up on your computer just said that. By protocol, there was a 'meeting' written in the subject box, accompanied by a very succinct text: time, place, level of urgency. An economy of words, as if they were too rare to be spent on long informative paragraphs.You liked that about her. Still, with your acquaintance, you knew each other well enough to know that the situation required attention, so you checked your watch so you wouldn't be late; hoping that wasn't a problem.

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It was a problem.

A big one.

And to be quite honest, it had been a mistake for you to think that the situation with Walsh would end that day. That's what you said to Emma when you saw the agent sitting next to his supervisor, as well as Lieutenant Brixton from Internal Affairs. It was a replay of what had happened the last time the confrontation between you two got to that point and judging by the way Mathias was serious, the situation fell more on him again - at least.

“We have a strict protocol on working together between agencies, especially in cases like the one we're dealing with right now,” Brixton started from his spot at the end of the table. “As the two of you have a history of conflict, I'd like to draw attention to an episode that occurred a few weeks ago and came to my knowledge recently.”

That made you frown at Emma, who just shook her head discreetly - later, she meant.

“The reason for this meeting is to come to an agreement on how to handle the situation going forward. I've heard from agent Walsh's side, it's not my place to correct his behavior but it's my obligation to remind him that we have an integration policy that deserves to be respected, especially with regard to our female employees.”

What your boss didn't say, Brixton took advantage of it and followed the ‘protocol’ bit by bit. This included extensive speeches at the lectures they concocted about sexism in the workplace, for example. It was kind of pointless, things were still happening and you were sure the DEA followed the same bureaucracy and there you were, dealing with Mathias.

“So, agent, why don’t you tell us what happened that day?”

You? Oh, yeah. Right. What happened that day.

You blinked a few times before clearing your throat, looking at Emma, then Walsh and his supervisor. The story slipped out of your mouth easily, at least until the memory of the little confrontation taking place.

“From what it says here, was it your day off?”

“Yes. I needed to resolve a personal issue.”

“Your divorce?”

“... Yes.”

“I'm just asking to verify the situation, I don't want to embarrass you or…”

“That’s okay,” Your answer came as fast as he started his excuses. Brixton nodded, got back to his papers and you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Does Detective O'Brien have the autonomy to request your services?”

“Periodically, yes.”

“And do you know if he ever informed agent Walsh about this addition to the investigation team?”

“No.”

Mathias shifted uncomfortably in his chair, you saw it in your peripheral vision.

“Nick usually asks for her as a matter of professional affinity, they have been working together for some time and this has never interfered with the results of parallel investigations she was working on,” Emma complemented with a certain care, finding the necessity to explain her position… just because.

“We all know detective O'Brien's reputation in this regard but I warn you that it wouldn't be ideal for this to become a habit.”

“I’ll make sure of it,” She said with a nod.

“Now, agent, did the situation with agent Mathias Walsh affect you in any way? Did you feel attacked, perhaps… Morally harassed in some way?”

You had the answer to that question on the tip of your tongue, between the memory of you leaving the scene and that pathetic moment of crying in the bathroom. So you hesitated, pressed your lips together and looked at Mathias again.

“Considerably.”

“How so?”

“I believe that my personal life should not be used as an argument in the situation,” Your eyes were on Brixton again. “And as I said, I suggested that if agent Walsh was dissatisfied with the investigation process, he could address the responsible agency, not me. That’s the protocol.”

Protocol. It even sounded strange to say that out loud.

“Do you feel threatened by him?”

“No.” This answer came more assertively.

“Do you think you could continue the work eventually without major problems?”

“For me, yes,” And you increased that 'me', because you wanted to redirect the question to the said Mathias, who was always the main one bothered by everything.

“Right…” Brixton wrote something down in silence and you all waited for him just as quietly. He read a few more things, frowned, then raised his head at you while speaking. “What about detective Magalon?”

You frowned.

“What about him?”

“He witnessed what happened. Was he ever defensive, did he react in any way? Violently?”

It didn't take a genius to put things together, and even your distracted mind was able to understand what the point was; that meeting wouldn't have happened if Benny hadn't been there and if that punch had never existed. You almost believed that your well-being would make a difference.

Emma must have noticed this too because she was visibly annoyed.

“No, not at all. Everything he did was exactly as I said.”

“Riiiiight,” He repeated the word, this time saying it while writing more things down.

The conversation didn't go beyond that and after an hour, you were conditioned to see Mathias leaving the building with his supervisor with an impressive number of 0 words for you. Emma stayed behind to chat something with Brixton, so you waited in the hallway for the two of you to be alone and you started asking questions.

“I think we had good impressions today,” She said first, gesturing to the elevator nonchalantly. “But, you know, it’s always about the guys.”

“I noticed.”

“Honestly, I thought this story with Magalon was gossip, but it looks like the repercussions were pretty significant.”

“Do you know what happened between them?”

“They’re men, anything could lead into a fight,” You saw her pressing the call button with a discreet smile. “I thought you had some idea, considering your proximity to them.”

Them being Major Crimes. Huh. That shit again.

“You were the one who told me that I should be careful to maintain a professional relationship with them. Benny never was… Open, I guess. He keeps his distance.”

“It's amazing to know that you listen to me.”

You both entered the elevator, which was fortunately empty. She sighed with a defeated stance, leaning on one of the corners.

“Anyway, I think this served as a warning,” Emma said after a beat of silence and you stared dumbly at her, waiting for an elaboration. “I should have encouraged you to talk to Internal Affairs, not just scolded you. Sometimes I talk so much about female support that I forget I have the power to help in any way and… Well, having to hear that one of Nick's guys took the step was a slap in the face.”

This left you even more confused, if not perplexed.

“... What do you mean?”

“Huh?”

“By Nick’s guys. Who told the Internal Affairs about what happened?”

“Benny did. Just today, Brixton went to talk to Gina, he wanted to know…”

As much as you would have liked to know more details, no other words from her made sense or even entered your ears. There was a mix of assumptions about why Benny did that and the fact that it might be a risk to him, plus you guys only started talking for a very short time, if that was even considered a conversation. He was he. You were you. Nothing more, nothing less.

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“Can we talk?”

It wasn't like every interaction with Benny was an issue, but suddenly you were afraid to bring it up, especially when the said issue was that. With any luck, you had managed to catch up with him before he left for the night and after a whole day of thinking, you decided to give it a try. Henderson was beside him and looked as surprised as his partner. You glanced at the two of them, not wanting to say that you preferred it to be a private conversation, but Benny understood and said he'd meet his friend at the bar - for some reason, you waited for Henderson to disappear from your sight in the parking lot after kissing his cheek goodbye. Just to be sure.

“Are you okay?”

You pursed your lips at him, raised your eyebrows and nodded, adjusting the hem of your shirt that went up with the farewell.

“Mm-hm. Yeah, I… There’s something I want to ask you, if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. What’s up?” He shifted from foot to foot, a bit concerned at your hushed tone.

“Brixton called me to a meeting today, he wanted to talk about what happened with Walsh that day. You know, from the liquor store,” It was a rather useless insinuation, Benny was already expressing recognition when you mentioned Brixton's name.

“Emma told you?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you mad at me?”

The question took you a little by surprise - no, very much by surprise. You'd expect a more heroic reaction, something like 'I did you a favor' or something, but no. Benny looked worried.

“... No! No, I’m not, I mean…”

“I didn’t want to assume, just…”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

“You can tell me if you’re mad.”

“I’m not, promise.”

You two stumbled with your words for a moment, both determined to make assurances with phrases being spilled faster than your thoughts, basically. He clapped his mouth shut when you raised your hands to put an end in the babbling, obliging for the sake of giving you the word.

“It just caught me by surprise, like… You didn’t need to. I just thought it was risky for you, given the circumstances.”

“What circumstances?”

And you didn’t know he was teasing you or demanding that you say what was implied in words, but without a shadow of a doubt there was no questioning on the way he asked. You considered not saying anything, just shrugging your shoulders and muttering a 'you know', but Benny shifted on his foot again, patiently waiting.

“You literally punched the guy in the face,” Defeated, your shoulders relaxed while you gesticulated at him. “I’m sure he made it clear to Internal Affairs.”

“He did.”

“As I said.”

“But I don't think it was a risk.”

Like in the lab, you stared at each other for a while, but he decided to break contact first with a pinch to his nose, turning his head to the side with a chuckle. That's when you realized you must have a pretty confused face; a frown, mouth partially open not knowing what to say.

“The danger was throwing the punch and this already happened. That day, I saw the way he spoke to you, how hurt you were. I know it's none of my business, and again, I apologize for that, but these things… I should have said something, defended you.”

That shouldn't have made you back down like it did. That just shouldn't. Because it wasn't like he was putting himself in an alpha male position; it sounded more like regret for just not saying something to stop Mathias.

It came from a place of care, you thought, not authority.

“You did enough,” Your voice was steady, even if a little too soft, and a smile played on your lips - maybe the first real one since you woke up. “Thanks.”

“When I said ‘gotcha’ I meant that. No worries here. Besides, this sort of thing is for princes who rescue pretty ladies and I'm really not that kind of guy. I did what I should do.”

“Oh,” You scoffed. “Okay, right.”

“What? Don��t you believe me?”

“Your analogy was… interesting.”

“An analogy is an example of things,” He twisted his mouth and shook his head. “Consider this a joke. The ones that have a basis of truth.”

“You don't strike me as the type who aspires to be a prince.”

“But I like helping pretty ladies like they do.”

Once again, that shouldn't have made you back down, but you felt your cheeks burn at the comment he made, not least because he was watching you closely, gauging your reactions. That was subtle, understated, and he didn't move to be invasive in any way. Benny waited.

“I need to go,” He pointed behind his shoulder, already taking a step away. “Before you thank me for that, lemme say your tattoo is really cool. You are really polite, at least save the thanks for someone else.”

Your… Oh. Oh.

Without saying anything, you watched the man walk to his car as if nothing had happened and discreetly raised your hand as he waved his in the distance.

“... Thanks,” Your murmured, Benny already out of the ear sight, but the meaning was well placed in your mind while your hand brushed your side, exactly in the covered area of your tattoo.

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No pressure tags

@cheesybadgers

@paintlavillered

@sexuallover

@nerdyreaderpapi

#benny borracho magalon #benny magalon x reader #benny magalon fic #den of thieves #den of thieves fic #maurice compte

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twobigears · 1 year

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2023 New Year Goals and Reviews and Stuff

I usually do goal and review posts every year just like everyone else, but if I did this for 2022 I sure can’t find it. Maybe I was too lazy, which would surprise no one.

2022

This felt like a fairly chill year overall, which is probably a good thing.

We did some hiking and camping. As always, we could have done more.

Chandra made good progress in her iliospoas rehab that started at the end of 2021 (def a reason we didn’t hike as much, especially in the first half of the year). She is cautiously returning to agility and we’ll see how that goes.

Chandra did some more obedience training and also made good progress there. We didn’t trial other than some at-home WRCL runs.

Blizzard really picked up her agility trialing! She had her first full year of trialing after a slow start largely due to covid.

Between virtual runs and real trials, Blizzard made her way up to Masters in USDAA and Level 5 in CPE. She earned her MPD (Masters level title in USDAA) and is about halfway to her PDCH (championship title)

I finished 3/4 of my schooling for my GIS certificate and transition away from dog training to a new career. There is still a lot of anxiety going on with that, but the mental relief of getting away from agility-as-a-job has been soooo worth it.

I put more effort into self-improvement mentally and physically! After years of yo-yoing and steadily creeping weight gain, I revamped habits, made better choices, and lost about 25lbs. I admit this came after hitting a mental low point (and high weight point) early in the year when I was sitting in a hotel room eating grocery store chocolate cake with my fingers because I ‘needed’ it. The cake wasn’t even that good.

I also reined in my internet and social media habits, especially Facebook as recently mentioned. But also things like not scrolling my phone in bed at night, and not checking it first thing in the morning either. I think a lot of people these days have some sort of social media addiction, or at least way too much there, and Facebook was mine. For a long time I knew how bad it was making me feel for a hundred different reasons, but it was still a struggle to quit or cut back. I finally managed it in the last couple months of 2022 and I really do feel soooo much better just ignoring my friends feed and going on primarily to check some hobby groups. It is so much easier to spend less than 5-10 minutes a day there versus the hours I used to spend. Unfortunately I’ve kind of replaced the FB addiction with a Reddit addiction, which is something to work on in 2023....

I got myself spayed and off of hormonal birth control! It’s only been about five weeks but I can already feel the mental benefits and I’m so glad I did it. Only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I look forward to seeing how my brain and body continue to change and hopefully for the better. HBC is great for so many reasons (esp the No Babies part, so I have no regrets for that), but it’s also got shitty baggage.

Seems like a lot of 2022 was about me, which was probably more than a little overdue. As they say, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. ~self care~ and all that!

What’s up for 2023?

Continue monitoring Chandra’s rehab and see how it goes and how she does with some agility again. I have a pipe dream goal of finishing her PDCH (she needs 8 Qs, even less than Blizzard) but I don’t want to be selfish about it. So we’ll see.

Obedience...idk. We’ll keep doing some training but at this point I’m not sure about trialing. The obedience community really does it make hard to love. Maybe later on I’ll feel interested again. I don’t want to regret not doing it, like I regret not finishing Ryker’s CD before he died.

Blizzard, I would love to finish her PDCH! It might be tough to do given the lack of USDAA trials here but I think it is still a possibility.

At this point I’ve put thoughts of Next Dog on hold for a while again. I’m currently enjoying the two dog life, backing away from dog sports again, and doing more non-dog things (even though a lot of it still involves them anyway, like hiking and camping). Plus with us likely moving, me hopefully getting a new job, I think it’s good to just not add another dog to the mix until all that has settled. I won’t say Next Dog is totally out of the question for 2023, but right now it’s unlikely and not something I’m planning to actively pursue.

At some point this year we’re planning to move to Minnesota. No specific timeline yet, but probably summer-ish. It will be incredibly sad to leave Colorado...

I’ll finish school this spring, hopefully find a real adult job in that field (yay..) and not have this schooling be for nothing.

Continue reinforcing and improving my habits for mental and physical health. I’ve been considering getting into bouldering for something different in the physical activity realm, so I’ll probably check that out. Plus the usual hiking and camping. Gotta get out and see some places before we leave! Then have new places to check out when we move.

Hmmm yeah I think that’s it so far. 😂

#long post is long #goals

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antonradke-music · 3 years

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DJ’s: YOU AREN’T PRODUCERS. TAKE THAT WORD OUT OF YOUR SOCIAL BIOS.

Possibly controversial opinion:

TLDR: DJ's: If you're not posting original music, edits, remixes, or anything of the sort. Please don't put "producer" in your SoundCloud bio. It's alot like that guy in High School who would say "Yea man I play guitar, I shred like, all the time" then you hand him a guitar and he just starts goin ham with a poorly executed and under-practiced "Smoke on the Water" or "Enter Sandman" opening riff. On repeat. The entire time he plays. Except with DJ/Producers you can't just hand someone a laptop to "hear them shred on a DAW" so its alot easier to get away with in our EDM world.

FULL RANT: There is a huge difference between "DJ" and "Producer" and there isn't a single thing wrong with just being a "DJ" and not both. People still need and want DJ mixes. There's zero shame in admitting that you don't, or don't know how to, produce music.

It only bugs me (and to be clear, it doesn't even bug me all that much) coz producers like myself and my friends spend countless hours learning and mastering our craft, so that title of "producer" is somewhat earned in my opinion. You can't just download a DAW and say "I'm a producer" if you've never once truly used it.

Producers create. DJ's mix. If your SC page is only mixes, you're a DJ. If your SC page contains original content/music you created yourself, then there's nothing wrong with adding that "producer" bit in your bio. Even if what you're posting is ID's, WIPs, ideas, bootlegs, etc. It doesn't need to be fully finished and mastered music. If you created it, you produced it, you are a producer on some level (beginner/intermediate/TUNE GOD, etc)

If you're a DJ now, and are just now learning to produce, just wait until you start posting/uploading your tunes. THEN add that fabled "producer" title to your socials.

I'm also not alone. Myself and several of my producer friends have expressed at least some frustration towards the DJ's that both call themselves a producer in their socials and even (sometimes) out in public. It can definitely be a "wtf" moment (and this has literally happened to me before) when you are talking to someone, be it an Entertainment/Booking manager or a bigger DJ, telling them about your music and your work. Then another DJ shows up and starts doing the same. But you know that person, and you're aware of the fact that they've never made a tune or have even tried to start learning.

Now there's the possibility that someone who's never worked on tunes in their life could get the credit or booking that you were working so hard for, and they didn't spend a minute doing the same. They just happen to be VERY good at talking to promoters, knowing what they want to hear, and manipulating the truth to fit a narrative that will get them hired or booked. And this has happened to me. They ended up getting a better time slot than me as they grossly exaggerated their SoundCloud stats, and played a song to the promoter by an underground artist claiming that it was their own. I kept my mouth shut. I should have spoken up, but I didn't think his ploy would work and I was new to that particular local scene, I wanted to avoid burning bridges or looking salty/bad. His set ended up being really rough, he'd lied about knowing CDJ gear (he didn't), spent an hour trainwrecking almost every transition, the dance floor was empty by the end of his set, he left the venue in a hurry afterwards and I've never seen him since.

Unfortunately it's not like many local event managers actually care. They just want a good DJ, and they'll often believe you if you tell them you're more than just a DJ. They likely don't have a reason to doubt you, and often don't care enough to check the validity of those claims. Or maybe they don't even know the difference between "DJ" and "Producer"

So in in summary: DJ's. You're not producers. Not unless you make your own music/Unless you are a creator. And just for the record, opening a DAW, playing with Serum for a few minutes, and tossing a few loops into a bus/channel doesn't count. Take the time to learn properly how to write progressions/melodies, program sequences, mix-down your track elements, structure your tune and bonus points for doing it all without presets (learn sound design) and without loops (learn drum & pattern sequencing) If you have that DAW installed, you're already sooo much farther ahead than tons of others in your position. Hit up YouTube for some tutorials and you're on your way!

In Conclusion: Please. Please. PLEASE don't take credit for the kind of work producers spend up to 10-15 hours a track doing (my average time to finish a song entirely). You could cost a talented soul a gig or time slot they've been busting their asses for for years. There really isn't anything wrong with being JUST a DJ. Its a good thing, and still a valid and useful skillset with tons of work/gig opportunities. I played plenty of gigs before I really started calling myself a "producer". You may not get the best timeslots as compared to producers. But be honest with yourself, you could be a fantastic DJ, but who most deserves good timeslots at events? The guys with something to promote. A product to offer. And that product is their creative content/music/whatever. And that guy could be you, you just need to take the time to learn and work hard at honing your craft and skillsets.

Soooo take "producer" out of your bio if all you're posting is mixes and mashups. And if your bio says it, or you identify as a Producer, you better expect me to fuckin test you on it cause I will. Immediately. And if you don’t pull a home made, non-plagiarizing, ORIGINAL piece of creative expression/content out of your ass in that very moment then I swear to Cthulhu I will perform a social/career crucifixion (alot like “social/career suicide” except I do it to you) on you. Your ‘music career’ ends right there on the spot, ESPECIALLY if you play some underground artist and act like its your music and take credit for it. That’s just so far from ok. And I WILL notice. I was an underground non commercial radio DJ for over 2 years. and a lifelong enthusiast all around. Trust me. I will know. So just be honest with yourself, and others. Please, and thank you.

- Signed, bedroom producers the world over.

PS - I’m SERIOUS guys. I won't stay silent next time. If I see a DJ try to take credit for another artists work (especially while talking to promoters, and especially taking credit for underground artists work) I will shut that shit down instantly. I will ensure they're instacancelled on the spot and won't play a gig in that area ever again. Plagiarism is NOT COOL. Don't plagiarize. Seriously. You will never have a career in music if you make Plagiarism a part of your “strategy for success” in the music industry. And I will personally work towards ensuring that. (example: I still to this day convert people to the cancellation of DJ Bl3nd. That POS blatantly ripped off so many artists, and is a perfect PERFECT example of a DJ claiming to be a producer. But isn’t. AND he used plagiarism + ghost producers COMBINED to make it seem like he was a producer) I don’t care if you do end up learning to produce after the fact and start making decent tunes.. If you plagiarize and try to use it to advance your career, I will do everything I can to stop you. For ever.

P.P.S. - For those of you DJ's who are learning to produce, don't take any offense to this rant its not directed at you guys, and please PLEASE don't get discouraged. You're likely not even applicable to this rant as you're actually working towards the title. So let me help you in that, below this text I'll be linking a few awesome YouTube producer channels who upload educational music/producer content. As well as some links to great sample/drum kits and more useful tools to help in your learning curve. I am also always available for producing tips and advice, just send me a direct message or comment on this post and I'll give you the best answer from my own experience/abilities/knowledge. Thanks for taking the time to read this ridiculous and stupidly long rant. I hope you can see where I’m coming from. And I’m sure many actual producers can agree with a lot of my points and reasoning. Have a good one. Peep my tunes if you have some time. Peace and deuces to all! -Anton Radke

www.soundcloud.com/antonradke www.facebook.com/antonradkemusic booking/collabs/commissions/general inquiries/demos: [email protected]

Resources and tools for learning producers: Some production education channels on YouTube that I highly recommend:

Dylan Tallchief has some fantastic tutorials for many different EDM genres which cover more than just production. He talks in depth about music theory, sound design. All of it. He shows how to use both Ableton and FL Studio. HIGHLY RECOMMMEND this channel:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIu2Fj4x_VMn2dgSB1bFyQA

For rap/hip-hop producers, I recommend watching videos made by these two gentlemen:

Praxi Plays covers tons of genres/sub genres, and different styles of commercial, and less than commercial rap/hip hop music. He teaches using FL Studio:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAE7Doxo5WQRjLPz7JYa7Fw If you prefer darker, more underground rap music, or just less than commercial stuff in general, Based Gutta covers tons of styles of rap beats from the underground rap culture. He’s great, and also pretty hilarious. Also uses FL Studio. Oh and he does Lo-Fi stuff a whole lot as well:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTrrlfsv-5IBQ1SgPBawT3w

COMPOSERILY is also a good one. But a lot less serious. His videos are definitely more parody and satire than anything, but there’s still lots you can learn from watching him. Tons of useful stuff in his videos. He also does both Ableton and FL Studio depending on the song/artist he’s trying to sound like.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8Ujq8PBm0MWraaXd8MsIAQ

For drums and other samples, I highly recommend getting a Splice Account. Its incredible So many options! And you can download individual sounds. You don’t have to download an entire sample pack if you just want one kick drum that it happens to have which is great. A good brokeboi alternative would be Looperman. Its basically a discount/Wal-Mart level “Splice” style service but free.

www.Splice.com

www.looperman.com

Some useful sample kits I recommend getting for the sake of drum sequencing/programming:

XFER Pack by Steve Duda and deadmau5 (great for house and 4/4 edm genres)

BIGHEAD Sample Pack by BigHead (available on Splice) [great for trap/rap/hiphop]

literally ANY vengeance or cymatics sample pack will also be a great choice for practically any type of bass music. Face it. Bass music drums are boring and are all almost IDENTICAL from song to song (with the exception of the kick drum) so any Vengeance or Cymatics dubstep sample kit will do you justice here.

VSTs to consider: EDM: Sylenth1 (must have), Razor (underrated), Massive, Serum (must have), U-He Diva, Nexus (overrated but useful), Dblue Glitch, DBlue Tapestop, Engineers Filter (free, amazing Equalizer. deadmau5 approved), CamelCrusher, OTT (overrated but useful), Cthulhu (MIDI sequencer programmed by deadmau5, hella cool but confusing)

Rap Music VSTs to consider: Omnisphere. that’s it. I’m not kidding. A talented producer armed with Omnisphere, and a decent drum sample kit, who is very good at sampling and writing melody/progression can create THOUSANDS of Grammy worthy rap/trap beats without even once reusing an Omnisphere preset. Its like Nexus. Except it truly doesn’t suck, and is worth the absurd price tag.

-Anton Radke www.soundcloud.com/antonradke www.facebook.com/antonradkemusic booking/collabs/commissions/general inquiries/demos: [email protected]

#edm #DJ #producer #house music #bass music #dubstep bass #bass #festivals #concerts #clubs #shows #music #music industry #plagiarism

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crimsonbluemoon · 4 years

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Working for Love: A Terrormoo Story, 1/17

Okay, soooo...surprise? For some reason, the first week of November I wrote this entire story. It’ll be broken down into 17 parts, about 4-5 pages each.

Yes, this means I wrote over 26k words in one week. I don’t know either.

This is a story that I’m dedicating to @personfullofplotholes because of all the work she’s helped me with for my BBS, MCU, and personal writing. Without her, Libahunt wouldn’t be a thing, and I’d probably be out of the fandom completely.

So this story will be posted every Saturday! I hope that you enjoy! ^.^

Main pairing: Terrormoo There will be other pairings mentioned through it, though not in detail and no real moments or focus. But they’ll be dabbled in there, so fair warning.

Drabble One

Brock was not lazy.

Really, he wasn’t. Sure, he lacked the active schedule he’d had when he was in high school. College had been a hard transition, and though he managed to get through it with a 4.0 GPA, his health took a hit. Making ramen noodles at three in the morning was simply easier than trying to prepare a balanced meal and study for his economics final. His friends hadn’t mentioned any changes in his waistline or that his cheeks had plumped up through the college exams and parties. The pants he’d shimmied into after high school were stuffed in the deepest corner of his closet by the last year of college, but he was genuinely happy with his life. He had a positive group of friends and a financially stable job as a teacher. Brock even got an apartment that had come with a gym membership to ‘Wildcat Athletics’ (the landlord, Nogla, said that he was ‘best buddies’ with the owner of the gym, and worked there on weekends) for as long as he was a tenant and paid his bills on time.

The only thing that even reminded him about his weight hangups, if he was being honest, was his boyfriend. Or, well, his ex-boyfriend. That factor was the exact reason that Brock stood outside of the aforementioned gym, lower lip dragged between his teeth on the chilly Monday night. Valentine’s day had been over a month ago, but still held more heartbreak than love for Brock. He’d been left stunned and insecure by the cruel words his lover had used to end their relationship.

“I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t want to fix what’s wrong with his body. You’re just too heavy for me to keep pretending to be attracted to.”

Two years spent fostering a welcoming and loving relationship had meant nothing because Brock now had love handles? His ex was in better shape than Brock from day one, but he’d assumed their relationship was built on more than looks. Brock had always been a little heavier, yet he balanced the slight physical shortcomings with his endearing personality. Never once had his ex complained about his body when Brock let him borrow his car or covered some of his bills during his ‘career transition’ between jobs. When Brock’s raise meant a vacation to Iceland, there were no complaints of thicker thighs and missing abs in the natural hot springs. He’d never made comments about the weight gain when the two were between the sheets, though recalling their love life over the past six months, Brock could remember several times his shirt remained untouched through their sex. The touches lacked the romantic charge they’d held at the start of their relationship, when Brock’s hips fit better under his hands and his shoulders weren’t rounded by stress and long study sessions.

But now all of these ‘burdens’ were too much for his ex to handle, and after his scathing comments, the man left Brock broken and crying in his apartment without a second glance.

“You’re not doing this for him,” Brock reminded himself, hand gripped tightly onto his phone to keep from turning around and heading back to his car. He’d already visited the gym a couple times over the past week, but always felt the impulsive desire to leave as soon as he stepped out of his car. His shirt was the baggiest he could find in his collection, hoping that it’d cover the lacking muscles and stretch marks he’d been staring at for weeks.

His break-up had been the catalyst for coming to the gym, but it wasn’t the only reason. Brock had several other contributing factors. Nogla’s face looked so hopeful when Brock mentioned he’d checked out the gym, and exercising gave him something to do to get him out of the house. He did get a small burst of pride each time he finished his walk on the treadmill, though he hadn’t been able to use it to take on the weights. For the most part, the gym wasn’t saturated with muscle-heads or judgemental members, and people who were in the same shape as him looked content going there. He’d only met the owner, Tyler, once, but he didn’t give a judgemental stare or rude comment when Brock mentioned Nogla’s offer. He did look grumpy while having Brock fill out paperwork and take his photo, but Nogla reassured him that it was just ‘his normal mood’.

Night workouts were always met with less clutter, as most didn’t want to work out after a 9-5 job. Brock’s guilty pleasure of sleeping through three alarms kept him from being a morning warrior, and he enjoyed the quieter time.

“Hey, welcome back.” He gave a small smile to the man who greeted him at the front counter before showing him his scan card.

“Hello.” He didn’t muster up the courage to exchange any more words than the polite greeting. ‘Evan’ (as the nametag offered) was handsome and kind, his smile disarming and real each time Brock came in. But his ex’s grin had been charming, too, and Brock wasn’t good enough for him. Brock was reminded of how the frumpy college t-shirt had a hole in the right shoulder and a stain under the logo that would be impossible to find attractive. Plus, Evan was far too attractive to be single like him. He tried to make his own smile hide his negative thoughts when he dropped his gaze and took the card back, scampering to the safety of the treadmills.

There were only a few people in the gym, and the station he liked to use was free. The tv in front of it played Animal Planet, which helped him through the harder parts of his routine. Plus, it was furthest in the corner of the gym, meaning that most members didn’t see him. The less people that caught sight of his flushed face, sweat stains and pathetic gasps, the better. His water and keys were tossed into the holders before he fumbled through the buttons of the machine, feeling confident enough to push his level to ‘4’ instead of the 3 he’d been hovering over for the past week. In seconds the belt was moving under his feet, and with Maroon 5’s ‘Give a little more’ playing in his headphones, Brock threw himself into his workout.

It wasn’t long until the higher leveled routine took its effect; Brock’s legs tingled with protest at the higher incline as each minute passed, but he tried to keep his mind focused on the music pounding in his ears. His chest expanded with greater desperation after minute seven, and Brock had to close his eyes after the ten minute mark to keep himself from shutting down the machine. The pads of his fingers were clammy, making it hard to change the song on his phone to something with a heavier beat. Another change in the treadmill’s incline had brown eyes looking to the TV, though dismay flooded him at the breaking news that was interrupting normal programming. The boring story didn’t have subtitles big enough for Brock to read, meaning looking at the screen was pointless. His eyes pulled away from the speech to find something else to distract him. It only took a few seconds to find the stairmaster, though the intimidating machine was not what caught his interest.

There, practically jogging from the speed he was using, was a man that rivalled the treadmill’s ability to leave Brock breathless. The sweat that made Brock’s skin fluster and smell looked much different on the other member. The muscle tank top was cut open wide under the armpits, leaving an easy window to peek at the fit torso and stomach hidden under the cloth. If the thirteen minutes of torture hadn’t already turned him into a persperating tomato, Brock was sure he’d be blushing. He winced at the realization he’d been staring before he forced his eyes back down to his hands, watching chubby fingers clutch the pulse monitors like a lifeline.

“Don’t stare, that’s creepy,” he huffed to himself. If he didn’t need his hands stable to keep from falling off the machine, he would have smacked himself. People were not at the gym to be objectified. Even if the man was beautiful, he had the same rights to a peaceful work-out. It didn’t matter how clear his skin looked, the cute way the front of his hair curled over his forehead from his work-out, or how bright his eyes were in the fluorescent light of the-Brock visibly jerked at the realization that his eyes had betrayed him, looking at the gym member again.

It’s not your fault, his conscience (in Mini’s voice, which made it so much worse) tossed out, Brock already rejecting the excuse as it formulated. He has really nice legs, and those pants are definitely spandex from how tight they are painted onto his ass-

The fact that his unconscious had picked up on something he didn’t even know he’d evaluated had him pulling away from the thought. Again, his eyes were following the sleek movements of the man, and he wanted to cry when he realized they were settled on the spandex-covered posterior. Embarrassment rearing up, a weird noise of protest bubbled out of Brock’s mouth. His feet stumbled for a moment, and he was sure that his sneakers made an unpleasant noise against the treadmill’s belt that echoed from how empty the gym was.

Horror rushed through his bloodstream as the blue eyes from before glanced his way, Brock ducking his head as low as he could during the worst part of his workout. He could barely keep himself walking up the high incline, but the lowered head made it so much harder. The sticky feeling of sweat clung to the collar of his t-shirt and the fabric against his back. He must have looked like a disaster, and the hottest guy he’d ever seen in the gym was looking at him. For a moment, he wished he could melt into the floor. Two grueling minutes went by before Brock finally raised his head again, breath shaky from both the work-out and his embarrassment. The blue gaze was still focused on him, and then a wave was paired with a beaming smile. He didn’t need to look to know his face was the reddest it’d ever been.

Thankfully for Brock, the timer on his treadmill hit twenty, and the belt slowed to a stop. He didn’t hesitate to jump off the treadmill, eyes dropped to the floor when scampering from the embarrassing situation. He barely remembered to wave goodbye to Evan, escaping into the cold of the night. The gasp of breath was chilling through his lungs, but with how hot his face was, Brock wished he could dunk his head into a bucket of ice. Why had that guy waved at him? Was he trying to show that he knew Brock was staring? What if he was just being passive aggressive? The entire ordeal was mortifying, and Brock could already hear how loud Mini’s laugh would be when retelling the terrible experience.

One thing was for sure; Brock was never coming back on a Monday night again.

And there’s part one. This is a very silly and fun story, and it will jump between Brock and Brian’s POV. So if you wanna know what Brian’s thinking, you’ll have to wait until next week and see! So, what did you think? Likes and reblogs will always be a good way to show me some love. Until next Saturday!

#Terrormoo #Soft boys #Terroriser #Moo Snuckle #<3 #Crimson drabblez #Gym AU

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noncommited-writer · 5 years

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WARNING FFH SPOILERS!!

Basically all my thoughts!

Okay can we just talk about literally the beginning??????

'I Will Always Love You' memoirs??? Holy shit I was cackling but also crying inside when they showed pictures of Tony

Then the whole plan??? To get MJ??? Oh my god, I fucking melt. I want a man like Peter who will confess to me on top of the Eiffel Tower and buy me jewellery based on the shit I'm passionate about!!!!

Also, that scene at the shelter? When he becomes overwhelmed by the mention of Tony, I started to think he might have PTSD or some sort of knee jerk reaction whenever he hears his name. The way he was already teary eyed after swinging away. I couldn't deal with that.

Then the whole plan failing on the plane and oh my god the bathroom scene?? When he starts cleaning up oh my god that's just pure cinnamon roll Peter, I die I swear.

Theeen Betty and Ned???? OH MY GOD SUCH CUTIES!!!!!! AHHHHHH they were so fun to watch istg "babe?" "babe."

When they had the whole montage of Peter just trailing around MJ and being sulky over Brad like an adorable puppy. Then getting that necklace??? Ooooof ugh kill me with your cuteness istg.

Then the whole thing with Peter not having his suit with him??? And wearing that festival mask? Shit cracked me up

And dear god save this kid from the never ending concussions from the bell tower.

Then the whole conversation between Talos Fury and Peter in his hotel room. Literally two very different energies meeting to a head. It was glorious.

Also when they introduced Quentin?? I was like fucking shOOk. For two reasons

One because he was such a dramatic, unsubtle, little bitch talking about his family's death and praising Peter like Tony did!

For another, BECAUSE HE HAD LOWKEY DADDY ENERGY AROUND PETER AND THE WAY PETER LIGHTS UP WHENEVER HE PRAISES HIM OH MY GOD IT REMINDED ME SO MUCH OF HIM AND TONY. FUCK.

ALSO UNIVERSE 616?? CMON BITCH HOW DARE YOU PULL THAT STUNT. MARVEL YOU COP OUT! :(

Then the inevitable glasses. Dear lord. Fuck me up with the whole Iron dad (or starker) feels that whole scene gave off. My heart hurted.

Then that scene when he had to take off his clothes to wear his suit fUCK! Lowkey tho I felt hot. Then Brad walks in and then tells him he's gonna tell MJ?? Like who the fuck????

Then that bus scene. Oh my god, shit made me laugh so hard istg. When he punched Flash and actually had to web the freaking air strike drone he sent in!!!!!!! Hswhhdhhe Peter is a fuckin mess.

EDITH :(((((( even dead I'm the hero. My fucking feelings took a fucking dive. "He always did love his acronyms" and the way Peter just chuckles, looks away with tearing eyes, voice cracking as he says "Yeah he did"

God fucking damn it.

Istg Marvel is just playing with my feelings now. It's so fucking unfair.

And then that whole fighting scene with the Fire Elemental? When I saw one of the drone take the hit, I was like. Wait a fucking moment.

Also, I caught this thing where Mysterio's magic hits the windshield of Fury’s car but instead of cracks like it should be, I saw bullet holes. And I took a moment to notice that.

NIGHT MONKEY! NIGHT MONKEY!

Then that bar scene!!!! Jesus christ. That was a whirlwind of emotions. The way Peter's smile just dropped when Beck wore the glasses and saw Tony within him. God.

Also like those backstories????? Damn. Legit. I got no other words.

The way that Peter seemed soooo disappointed when MJ lied about the reason why she kept staring at him? Ugh my heart.

YAS GIRL DO IT FOR ALL OF US! TURN AROUND!!!! (Also what the fuck that cute little chub on Tom's tummy before he tenses up for the camera is so fucking cute oh my god I fucking melt, I wanna hug him)

"It's not a competition." Yea sure, Ned. Sure.

Holy fuck. Holy fuck. HOLY FUCK.

THAT WHOLE ILLUSION SCENE?

One of the best things ever. It reminded me so much of the intros to the James Bond movies. All the smooth transitions and stunning fx. Fuck. It was all trippy.

And jesus. Using MJ like that????

Also What The Actual Fuck. When he made an illusion of Tony rising from his grave.

When I saw that tombstone, I already knew what name on it was. Didn't make it easier to see it with my own eyes.

I cant with this movie its too much for my poor heart to take.

Jesus christ when he got hit by the train.fuck nylife.

Then happy?

Oh no, I actually pretty much died at this scene.

The way Peter was so desperate on who to trust and the way he just relaxed when he realised Happy wasn't an illusion. The way Happy just went with it immediately, having similar past experience with Tony's paranoia. The way he held Peter in his arms, confused but so so so worried. The way he takes care of Peter's wounds and tries to calm him down. The way Peter breaks down over being alone, his friends being in danger, hurt over MJ, not being enough to measure up to Tony, all of his emotions coming to head. That was probably the most grounding scene I've seen of Peter ever. It really hurt in all the best ways.

"You can't measure up to Tony. No one can. Not even Tony." That line was so good because he knows the weight thats on Peter's shoulders, he knows that Peter feels pressured to take on the world, unwavering and brave and so sure of himself like Tony was. But the truth is, Tony was exactly like him behind the scenes. Tony was always breaking down, lagging behind and alone. So when he sees Peter break down, it's like seeing Tony all over again. And he can't help but soften.

"I don't think Tony would have done what he did if he didn't know you were going to be here after he was gone." And that just shattered me. He basically said that Tony would've done it all over again if he knew Peter was going to come back.

That moment, when he stares at Peter, that moment when he notices something that twists and warms his heart at the same time. When he sees Peter handle that tech and holograms seamlessly like Tony did, the way he runs his mouth with his genius, the way he seems so excited over the tech, you can see in Happy's eyes that all he sees is Tony. Tony imprinting the best parts of himself onto Peter.

He knows Peter can handle it.

And jesus christ, baby no. Its not led zeppelin, cmon.

That whole fight scene was fucking lit! I can't really explain much but wow MJ!!!! GO MJ AND BETTY!!! AYYY.

Fuck and the way Peter used his Peter Tingle to fight off the rest of the drones. That was so cool. Then when illusion Beck was handing him the glasses, he already knew that it wasn't the real him.

That heartbroken look in his eyes when he realised he can't save Beck.

His voice cracking when he wants to know theres no more illusions.

That peck? That kiss? That makeout???? These two ooze so much chemistry it actually hurts.

Ahhh that hand brush and them actually holding hands!!!!! That!!!!!!

Then flash with his mother not being around comment, fuck that kinda hurt me in the feels.

Peter having an intervention with Happy and May???? Holy shit I need more of that.

Then that date? Where they swing??? Wow goals.

And fuck Peter getting exposed. I swear my heart dropped down to my stomach.

ALSO J JONAH JAMESON HOLY SHIT I WAS SHAKING BECAUSE OF THAT!!!!

Credits scene:

Fury taking a vacation but not really is such a mood. Like he'd like a vacation but he also has to work. Idk but it might be hinting at the next captain marvel movie!!!!

Ahhh

This movie is a treasure. I am most likely going to watch it again because wow. I don't think I can take it all in 100% without watching it twice.

I saw it only a few hours ago but I already love it with all my heart. ❤️

I cant believe Marvel has me hooked with their Peter Parker. ❤️❤️❤️

#Spiderman far from home #Spiderman far from home spoilers #Far from home spoilers #Spiderman ffh spoilers #Ffh spoilers

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purplesurveys · 3 years

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1086

Do you think someone is missing you atm? No. Maybe my friends do, but like in passing? since I haven’t seen most of them in nearly a year. But that’s assuming a lot and being a little too confident, lmao. Idk anyone who would be actively missing me.

Can you think of one reason why some people might not like you? I have a formal side to me especially when it comes to work, so people might see it as being cold and aloof. I’m also pretty straightforward about my feelings towards certain people, so even if we don’t really talk but I know I’m not fond of them, I’ll silently block them on social media so I don’t see them on my feed lol. That is definitely an easy way for them not to like me.

So we’re two months into 2017. How has it been for you so far? Has anything happened in the past 2 months that you think you will always remember? I was meh. It was my first anniversary with Gab then so everything was going perfectly on the relationship front. I was still struggling badly with mental health issues and a lot of anxiety stemming from my transition to college, soooo it was nice to have someone comfort me during those difficult times. But yeah, the first half of 2017 was basically still me having a tough time in university.

Can you describe what was going through your mind during your last kiss? I was thinking of how happy I was and how everything was going to be okay after all. Look at how wrong I turned out to be, haha. I laugh it off now.

Are you talking to anyone while filling this in? What are you talking about? No.

If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? Not looking. A friend told me some girl was interested in me but she had asked for my star sign, which was an immediate turn-off lol. But in all seriousness, I’m not looking to be in a relationship any time soon, much less date around. It’s my first time being completely single in 6 years, so there’s a lot about me I’m continuing to explore and learn about which is a nice feeling to have. I’ve finally gotten the hang of being alone and actually enjoying being alone, so I don’t plan on breaking the routine soon.

Have you ever been so drunk that you could barely stand? As the friend with the lowest alcohol tolerance, yes.

Was your last hug from someone of the opposite sex? No, they are non-binary.

Will you be sharing your bed with someone else tonight? No.

Is there anything wrong with you right now? I need a shower lmao. But other than that, no.

Have you eaten chocolate today? No, and I’m not looking for it at the moment. Too sweet.

Think back to last night … did you go to sleep before midnight? Yeah, just shortly before midnight. I had been trying to sleep since 9:30 but couldn’t and I was only finally able to fall asleep at like, 11:30 or something.

The last time you sent a text to someone, did you add a kiss at the end? Nah. A kiss would’ve been irrelevant in the text I sent.

Where did you meet the person you love/like? Hm...do I still love her? Idk if I can refer to her in these questions anymore. You all know where we met, anyway.

Have you had any recent calls or texts from any unknown numbers? Did you answer them? It’s unknown but I knew who they were; I’m just too lazy to update their info. It was a missed call but it was beyond 6 PM so I no longer called him back.

OK … let’s just say I’m going to buy you a present … but I don’t know what to get :/ Would you mind if I just bought you a box of chocolates? I’d appreciate the gesture, definitely. It would take me a while to finish it up though.

Has anyone ever stolen food from you? Yeah.

What is something that people make fun of you for? I’m kinda slow and it takes me longer than most to process things, from simple jokes to complex mechanics. I hate it when people I’m not close to make fun of me for it - because we aren’t even close??? but if it’s my friends, I laugh along since being slow has been my trademark for years hahaha.

Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We usually do our shopping at SM or Metro, but my dream is to be rich enough to be able to do my regular shopping at Rustan’s, ha.

Do you think you might have any obsessive compulsive tendencies? I guess. The one I practice most frequently is having to take several trips to check on something, like making sure I closed the fridge properly, or that I locked the main door when I leave the house, or making sure my bedroom light has been switched off, etc.

Who was the last person to text you? Do you think this person cares for you? Angela, and yeah and she reminds me all the time that she does.

Did you have a conversation last night that made you smile? Sure.

Has anyone paid you a compliment at all today? I don’t think so, so far.

Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? Hahaha yeah for like the past three years. It always fell on (my) deaf ears, so Angela was relieved as fuck when she found out it was finally over.

Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? No. I’d feel pretty betrayed if a significant other started flirting with someone else.

Have you ever been on the phone for more than an hour straight? Way more than an hour.

Are you a spender or a saver? Can be both, but right now I’m a saver considering how much I had to spend in the last two months. Are you currently wearing anything pink? My shorts are pink.

If someone close to you is upset, does that make you feel upset too? Depends on how invested I am in their problem. But if I’m the one who caused them to feel upset, then yeah I’d definitely feel the same way because I hate fucking up.

Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? Sometimes, but it’s been easier to do it these days.

Are you wearing any label brands of clothing? Not right now.

Do you think it’s really possible to love just one person until the day you die? It’s possible. It certainly happened with my grandpa, who I believe was never with anyone else other than my grandma.

Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Use my phone. That, and feel creeped out.

How long can you stay single after a relationship break-up, before you feel ready to be with someone else? It’s been four months and counting and I don’t feel like jumping into another relationship. I enjoy being by myself.

Do you miss someone atm? Does that person know that you miss them? No, I don’t.

Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? Andi is quite polarizing, tbh. They have a loud personality that some will see as being too bold/brash or feeling too close to someone. So I guess yes.

Do you think someone else will also want to fill in this survey? Eh, sure.

#survey #surveys

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gintamajustaway · 4 years

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i hope you don't mind me asking - you don't have to answer this of course. why did you delete your fics instead of orphaning it? i'm just curious.

It’s always okay to ask, I don’t mind answering at all! I’ve answered this before, actually, but I remember that being pretty short, so I’ll go for the long answer this time.

Putting it below the cut for you!

SO! I don’t know how much you’ve gathered about me, but I have anxiety and it used to be really crippling. It was hard to do very simple things because I’d overthink things about as much as a person can and I’d feel sick. Did you know that I used to queue my asks? Publishing them when I was around made me so anxious that I had to queue them to come out when I knew I wasn’t going to be anywhere near a computer. Like with all anxiety, my fears were irrational and more often than not, unfounded. That’s just an example, but it was constant anxiety over stupid things all the time, which is so goddamn exhausting, let me tell you.

I’ve changed a lot, though. I’m not the person I used to be. I still have anxiety, of course, that sort of thing never goes away, but it’s different now. I’ve worked so hard to change my perspective and now, my anxiety is more like a friend than anything. It didn’t happen over night and there are still some things that can set me off pretty good, but it’s nothing like it used to be and it’s all because I changed my mindset. Going out in big groups of people used to be really difficult for me and it made me soooo anxious. I’d always be so, so worried about stupid shit. “What if they don’t like me?” “What if I say something embarrassing?” “What if I offend someone?” So on and so forth, just an endless cycle of nonsense that crowded my head so much that I was the quiet one that barely spoke and I never wanted to go out. I go out all the damn time now and I have a blast. All because I sat my ass down and questioned myself. Why was I getting so worked up over whether people will like me? The real question is actually: Do I like them? Because it’s stupid to worry over whether people will like you if you don’t like them to begin with, you know?

So, just a lot of that. Retraining my brain to realize that while it’s important to be conscious of others, it’s also important to be comfortable in my own skin. I can’t and won’t forego my own mental health for the sake of others, especially strangers or people I barely know. I’m so comfortable in my own skin now and through a lot of trial and error, I’ve learned to wholly love myself, which is an incredible thing. I’m not without my faults and there will always be ways I can improve myself, but I’ve built up the foundation to continue my own growth. I’ve turned my once crippling anxiety into something almost fun because now when I feel my anxiety spiking I can turn it into a game of analyzing why I’m feeling that way and it usually leads to some form of growth as I conquer new/old fears. There are times I can’t quite handle it, too. Anxiety like mind can bring some not so great depression along with it from time to time, but I’ve got a great support system. All I have to do when I feel it getting bad is tell my inner circle and they come through for me each and every time. It’s not like a need much, but knowing I have people I can reach out to no matter what and they’ll unfailingly be there is so soothing.

I’m pretty sure my anxiety wouldn’t be this bad if I hadn’t had a certain incident with a friend’s drunk dad when I was small kid. That really fucked me up and I’ve carried that with me for years. But I’ve overcome it now. I can talk about it easier. I can confront it without flinching. I can look that old friend in the eye and talk to her about it without feeling like I want to disappear, rip my own skin off, or both. That’s huge for me and I’m proud of myself for it!

I’ve spewed a lot in this post, but this all has a purpose, I promise LOL When it came to deleting my fics, I had to figure out how I felt about them and what I wanted to do with them. I don’t think I’ve talked about this at length, but realizing my heart had moved away from writing fanfiction was a surprise to me. It had probably been building for awhile, I just hadn’t noticed, but it was like one day it was fine and then the next I realized my passions rested more with original works than anything else. It came down to the feeling of, “I love this more than I love this anymore,” and those types of feelings are completely natural. People change and their interests waver -- don’t let anyone tell you that you have to keep doing something for their sake, that’s just not how it works. It was a strange transition though since fanfiction had been part of my life for so long. Once I realized where my passions had shifted, I announced my final fanfic in the Onwards zine and began my transition.

The day I deleted my fics was kind of spur of the moment. It had crossed my mind for awhile, but I’d never acted on it until suddenly I went for it. All the fanfiction I wrote, it’s important to note that I’m incredibly proud of every single thing I made. I had a 90k+ ONE-SHOT that was so badass and I worked through so much of my own shit to write it. I improved over and over and over again. My very first Gintama fanfic (called “Two Men, One Box”) was so much fun that I can remember the day I wrote it. I can actually remember a lot from each fic I wrote. Where I was, how I felt, etc. They bring back a lot of really great memories and they track a journey for me.

Don’t know if you know this, but I used to write for other fandoms. If I’d been writing for kudos and comments I would have stayed in the Naruto fandom because I was popular there, too, and since that fandom is bigger, the following was bigger. I never cared about that stuff though, it��s just not important to me and never has been. Every time I switched fandoms I tended to delete work from that fandom. My Naruto fics were deleted pretty quick after I fell more in love with Gintama and began writing for it. (There were other fandoms before Naruto, but I didn’t write much for those and the fics never stayed up long.) It felt good to delete them, to me. I was moving on and in my head, it made sense for all those fics to move on as well. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t proud of those fics -- I am still to this day proud of them all, every single one. So, deleting my fics is not a new thing, but deleting as many of them as I did for Gintama in one go was new.

Orphaning them had crossed my mind, but I don’t think I’d ever really considered it an option. I love my fics, every single last one of them, and the idea of them floating out in cyberspace without my name plastered all over them felt like an injustice to myself. They’re mine and I love them so fiercely. Which ties into my anxiety, in its own way (which is why I spent time explaining it above). When I thought about “abandoning” them or “orphaning” them, I felt my anxiety rise a bit and that was enough to tell me that leaving them up wasn’t an option. If I didn’t like the thought of doing that, then I wouldn’t like it if I actually did it and left those great works out there without my name on them. People can call that selfish if they want, I don’t care, because it’s not selfish at all. I don’t need to consult strangers before I make decisions. Those fics are part of me and I wouldn’t feel whole without them. It’s not wrong for me to take pride in my work and it’s definitely not wrong to decide what’s best for me regarding the things I created.

So, that’s the long story of why I didn’t orphan them. It wasn’t a viable option as far as I’m concerned. I’d always deleted my fics in the past when I moved on from fandoms and it was good closure for me to delete all my fics when I realized I was collectively done with fanfiction.

#anon #long post #sorry it got so long #it's kind of a complicated answer #and I wanted to explain it as best I could

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lookatthestarrynight · 4 years

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Laughter is the Best Medicine - Chapter Five

Poe Dameron/Doctor!OFC: Poe Dameron has joined the Resistance at the request of General Leia Organa, and he’s finally arrived on the Echo of Hope, the Resistance’s floating base of operations. While on board, he meets the Medical Director of the Resistance and... falls in love? We’ll see.

I’ve also posted this on AO3. Check my masterlist to see what I write for. Please only like, don’t reblog. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

No warnings! :) 1860 words.

It was a week before I found myself in the Command Center again, and this time it was because of a late night, last minute message from the General. I’d already eaten dinner and was in my office poring over new recruit physicals to sign off on when my commlink went off.

“Director Nova speaking.”

“Director, this is General Organa. Come down to the Command Center for a moment… I have something I’ll need your help with.”

“Right away, General. Be there in 5.” I turned off the commlink and threw the physicals back onto my desk, heading out of the room and into the halls of the base.

In no time at all, I was stepping into the Command Center, which was nearly empty except for the night shift staff, the General, and… Poe. What a surprise.

“You called, General?”

“Yes. I’ve asked Commander Dameron here to select pilots and techs for a new squadron. They’ll be going on a few specific, special missions for me, and I want you to handle the transition approval physicals for all of them.”

“Um, sure. I’m sure I could get together a few nurses to—”

“I want you to handle all of the physicals by yourself.”

“I, uh – what?”

“Since this squadron is being formed for a very specific, highly classified purpose, I want you, alone, to handle the physicals. The Commander will provide you with a list of pilots and techs he’s tapped for this squadron, and I want you to pull them from their daily duties tomorrow to run the physicals,” the General paused, “Will you be able to finish it all by tomorrow evening?”

I stared at her. “Um, I think so, yes. But, General, if I had assistance, I could get it done earlier,” she gave me a look, “But if you insist—”

“I insist.”

“—then I’ll get it done.”

“Good,” she paused once more, surveying me, “And would you object to being the only one in charge of their medical care if they get injured on a mission as a part of this squadron?”

I stole a glance at Poe, who was watching our exchange with restrained interest. I looked back to the General. “I don’t mind – my policy has always been that pilots are handled by the more senior medical staff anyways… so it wouldn’t be a terrible adjustment, I don’t think.”

The General nodded. “Good. Welcome to the Black Squadron then, Director.” And with that, she left the Command Center with a small bow of her head to Poe.

I turned to Poe. “Soooo… who’s on this list of yours?”

“Oh, you’re going straight to work already?” he teased, looking down at me.

“Yes, Poe. Physicals are incredibly time consuming, and pilots are notoriously uncooperative—” I gave him a look, and he shrugged, “—so the sooner I start, the better.”

“Fair enough. I’ll message it to you,” he said, reaching over to the holopad sitting on the table in front of him. He tapped a few spots on the screen, then looked up at me and smiled, spinning it around to face me, the Message Delivered! screen flashing in my face. “All done!”

I snorted. “Thank you, Poe.” I made to head towards the exit, but stopped and turned towards him once more, “You’d better cooperate with me tomorrow, alright? And tell that to all your lovely pilots – I mean business.”

He laughed. “Will do, Director.”

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I swear, we’ll be the best squadron that ever comes through your office.”

“You are all individually the worst pilots to come through my med-bay, so I find that very hard to believe, Dameron.”

“Oh, come on!”

The next day, I was in the med-bay an hour before I usually would be, holed up in my office comparing schedule after schedule – in an admittedly vain attempt to make my job easier. I huffed, throwing the last few bites of my decidedly unimpressive breakfast muffin in the compactor bin. I stood up, grabbed my holopad, and headed to the hangar. I’d decided last night that Dameron would be the first one through – I was hoping for some sort of scenario where he would set a good example for his squad mates – but I knew I was naïve to think such a thing would happen.

I knew it was shaping up to be a long day, too, the instant I stepped inside the hangar.

“Hey – Commander! – I bet she’s here for you!” Snap called across the hangar, a grin on his face, “Better run!”

“Snap! Ugh, just for that – you’re second!” I hurled a rubber gasket from the table closest to me at him, hitting him in the back of the head with a satisfying, light thud.

“Stars, woman! Poe, mate, it might be in your best interest to cooperate. She’s on the warpath today.” He called out, picking up the gasket and waving it above his head so the rest of the hangar could see it. “She threw a gasket at my head!”

Poe stood up from his spot under the Black One and ambled over to me, BB-8 on his heels. “A gasket, huh?” he said with a grin.

“A rubber gasket. He’s being overdramatic.”

“Sounds like him,” he grabbed a rag off the bench by the hangar door, wiping oil off of his hands, “So, I’m up first then?”

“Yes, you are,” I said, turning to leave, “Follow me, would you?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

As we walked through the halls on the way back to the med-bay, he turned to look at me, a funny look on his face.

I glanced at him. “Something the matter?”

“No, no. I just—well,” he paused, “I just wanted to say thank you. For doing this.” He gestured vaguely around us.

“It’s kinda my job, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t have to. You could’ve just as easily said no to the General.”

I snorted. “The only people who say no to the General are people who don’t have their heads screwed on right, Poe,” I sighed, “And besides, this gives me a chance to hang out with some of my favorite people on base while silently judging them on their health choices.”

He laughed, his eye twinkling. “You don’t actually do that, do you?”

“No, I’m just teasing. Ojo does, though. Rants about everyone on base whenever he comes in my office for something.”

He nodded, and we turned the final corner and entered the med-bay. I guided him to the first room, which was set up for physicals and other short examinations.

“I’ve screwed up my whole med-bay schedule for this, so please don’t make it difficult.”

He smiled, “Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it, Doc.”

I snorted, sitting my holopad down on the table by the door. “Those are famous last words right there, Poe.” I walked over to him. “I’m going to do all the easy stuff first, and then we’ll move on to the more complicated parts.” He bobbed his head in acknowledgment.

“So, that means I’m going to need you to undo this top part of your coveralls.”

“Ohhh, I see how it is. Right away then, Doc.”

I shook my head and turned to grab the things I’d need for the first part of the exam while he fiddled with the coveralls. Something told me last night’s promises weren’t going to turn out entirely true.

It was a long day, filled by frustrating pilots. After Poe, I’d had to track down Snap (who’d conveniently hidden from me, so I made Poe find him), and then it was L’ulo L’ampar – who was the only cooperative patient of the day – and then Karé Kun, and then Oddy, and then Jessika – who’d cracked jokes the entire time and thus made it difficult to do my job. Despite all that, though, I managed to finish everything just in time for dinner. I sent the transition approvals to the General via holopad, and I opted not to spend dinner with the pilots. Instead, I spent dinner with Shana, Ilia, Ojo, and Nira – which was not entirely the change of pace I had been hoping for.

“So, did you have fun today?”

“Nope. Pilots are terrible.”

“Even Commander Dameron?”

I glared at Shana. “Not as much, but yes, even Commander Dameron.”

Shana hummed, turning to Ilia to ask her a question about work today. I listened for a moment, before my mind drifted away, and I found myself staring at the other side of the cafeteria where Poe sat amongst his squadrons. He was laughing at something, his eyes crinkling up in the corners and his whole body shaking. He looked so happy, and I suddenly felt very glad that I knew him at all. My fingers absent-mindedly reached up to fiddle with the stone charm on the necklace he’d given me when – as if he knew I was thinking about him – Poe glanced towards me, making eye contact. He smiled, and my heart fluttered as I smiled back. He reached up to his neck, mimicking my fiddling with the necklace, and winked. I blushed and looked back down at the dinner sitting in front of me.

When I looked back up, he was already occupied by his pilots once more, and I frowned to myself, tuning back into my friends’ conversation. Nira, however, must’ve noticed something had happened, because she made a face and me and asked:

“You good, Hera?”

I snapped out of my trance. “What?”

“I asked, are you okay, Hera?”

“Oh, uh, yea. Just lost in thought.”

“About that Commander of hers, probably.” Shana chimed in.

“He’s not my Commander, Shana.”

“You didn’t deny you were thinking about him, though.” Nira giggled.

I groaned, standing up. “The lot of you are absolutely terrible.”

“Oh, come on, Hera. Where are you going?”

“I’m kinda tired – it was a busy day today. I’m just going to my quarters.”

Shana looked skeptical. “Well, have a good sleep then.”

I nodded. “Same to you all.”

I threw out the rest of my dinner and walked out of the cafeteria. I thought I was home free when I made it all the way out without anyone calling my name – but I wasn’t.

“Hey, Hera!”

I stopped, turning slowly to face the familiar voice.

“Where are you going?” Poe asked, a shadow of concern in his eyes.

“Oh, uh, just my quarters – I’m a bit tired.”

He nodded. “Well, d’you want me to walk with you?”

“If you feel so inclined.”

He smiled, and slung his arm around my shoulder, guiding us down the hall. “Wonderful!”

I shook my head. “You’re way too happy at this hour.”

He shrugged, his thumb gently running back and forth over my shoulder. “Gotta make sure my favorite doctor stays cheery all the time.”

“Your favorite doctor?”

“Yep. My favorite doctor.”

“You hate being in the med-bay though.”

“But I love being with you, so. Favorite doctor.”

“Ever the charmer, aren’t you?”

“Guilty as charged.”

I smiled to myself as we walked down the hall. I liked where this was going.

#poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron x you #poe dameron #star wars fanfiction

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comicteaparty · 4 years

Text

July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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quarantingz · 4 years

Text

inner rebirth

4 june, thursday

9.21am

This is not what I intended to post after my long blog hiatus...

But I read a Yes Theory email post today and this is what Matt wrote…

“Change, in ourselves and in our world, requires tearing down old thoughts, beliefs, systems.

It requires a re-birth.

And that is inherently uncomfortable.”

Something shifted. It was not the first time I had heard something like this.

2020 has been a crazy year so far (major understatement), it’s only the start of June and so many things have happened on a global level and even in my personal journey. And currently, specifically the Black Lives Matter Movement that has blown up in the media, I’ve been refraining from posting anything on social media and “saying” something via my public platform. For me, it’s simply not enough nor something I feel inclined to do because everyone is doing it. The more I think about it and then overthink about (haha of course), for me, it would be an act of simply trying to appear like I’m part of the movement - but deep down I know it’s just a superficial act that doesn’t change how I act and do life. But as usual the media has blown everything up and I feel like society and EVERYONE has to have a perspective and be inclined to share. I have no issue with anyone who does share and speak up, in fact, that’s awesome and I love reading and seeing that!

But for me, it’s becoming clearer to me that if I say or post anything, I want it to not only reflect myself and my opinions, but to also translate through my actions in everyday life. I want what I say to be what I do.

I’ve been challenged this year to bring my words to life and to actually be intentional and active in the things that I promise, aspire or say. I don’t want to post because everyone is doing it. I want to act in real life. A lot of what I’ve been reading is truth and it’s beautiful to see so many people around the world “coming together” as a community and sharing the unheard voices of Blacks.

But the quote above was something a little different for me. I immediately got the message and sense of inner-change. It’s the act of “re-birth” that is so profound and has been circling my mind recently (and in bible study and Expressions). I’m going through the transition and phase of re-learning what I know about Christ and the Bible. I was reminded of the simple truth to be Jesus on Earth - to love like He did and to be a walking expression of our Father. It made me think about all the love that I’ve seen saturating social media these days and the juxtaposition between the fluffy posts and what I’ve heard and seen on the news. For example, to touch on it lightly, the violence of some protesters and aggression towards innocent bystanders and police. Also the looting and destruction of public property and rules. With what I’ve been learning about sin and the act of separation between ourselves and God when we sin, made me think about this in our current global situation (contemporary context YES!)...seeing people less than what they are (which is equal in God’s eyes) and treating people like shit IS NOT OKAY. We’re not only separating ourselves from God because we’re not loving as He wants us to, but we’re essentially separating ourselves from each other. I can’t speak for everyone, but it’s soooo much easier to be kind to people, to act with love rather than violence and abuse (physical, verbal, intentional or unintentional etc). ARGH, we can’t keep going in loops again and again as history keeps repeating and reminding us (look at all the wars in the past and now!)

Anyway, a quick thought as well on the act of posting, especially the black square on Blackout Tuesday, which for me is turning into a desperate “front” and “presentation”, not an actual action, to appear not racist and for the movement. To me this is merely acknowledgement, which is great, it’s a start...and I’m not saying I’m perfect and doing all the right things during this period of history, but I just think acknowledgement is not enough - it’s a start, but it’s not enough sorry.

Of course I was initially very disturbed by what took place in America with the death of George Floyd, but also thought about all I’ve learned in high school history and how entrenched racism is in America…STILL. But also how common it is in the WHOLE WORLD, even. Sadly, it didn’t change what I knew, in fact, it supported this feeling of hopelessness I’ve always had towards issues like racism and sexism. I’ve seen this stuff before, not even to just Blacks, but minorities all the time! Not to be dramatic, but until now, I’ve always been cynical and I thought racism, sexism, what have you, will be around till the day I die. And this tolerance and submission (and inactivity) that I have towards what our society is currently, is disgusting. I know.

Which brings me back to the quote that I read and how true it is…in a weird coincidence (although it is never a coincidence aye!), what I’ve been learning through Expressions and what Matt wrote, I realise the importance of the NOW. The increasing relevance in shifting our minds, paradigms, what we’ve learned, in order to soften our hearts to change ourselves from the inside out. We cannot afford to sit back and be a spectator anymore. But there needs to be more than just a post, a nod in agreement, a passive discussion, to do something and change ourselves.

I’m not too sure what I will do right now or what the future holds, but I guess I’m talking about myself right now, and my epiphany to act. But it’s going to take a transfiguration and transformation of my soul, mind and heart to change.

As Matt said and even in the Bible, rebirth is necessary. Renewing our mind - learning, re-learning and dismantling society’s system - being a kind (not just decent) human being and actually LISTENING, is what we can strive to do on a daily basis and in REAL LIFE.

Rebirth is hard and it will take time.

It’s going to require effort.

It’s going to be uncomfortable.

It’s an inner fight from within. Within our community. Within our society. Within our culture. Within the system. Within our minds and our hearts.

Acknowledgement is important...but true, deep change to ourselves and the world, occurs when we change what’s inside...

- a (just ONE voice in the sea of human voices)

p.s. there is a lot I want to talk about “rebirth”, but maybe next time :)

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dolce-fritz · 4 years

Text

So being the new evil girlfriend is fun

So recently my Partner has had some majorly stupid ass drama with their ex. Like this girl, she’s loopier then the Olympic oval, Like normally I’m nice and don’t slander people but like. She’s just, hoo boy. A mess.

And yeah this is from a completely biased stand point. And I’m about to tell you why that I feel the way that I do about this girl from my own experiences. This is going to be long winded, so I’m putting it under a read more.

So I moved from the lovely state of Utah this year, my homelifes never been 100% great. I love my mom but our issues clash and we do better separate. Not to mention I really wanted to try it out in another state again and this time the right way and not just a spur of the moment decision while i visited like what happened with Florida.

Well, planned my vacation to See my at the time friend to see if I really liked it there. I knew about their recent split with their Ex, and the two seemed pretty amicable about it. The other roommate was.... hoo, a mess to say the least. and My friend didn't want to be alone with her because they actually had been wanting to tell her to leave because of the issues that she'd brought into the home. anyways that in itself was a bit of drama.

So I was like OK. I'll come check it out and if I like it I'll be your new room mate.

Well. I plan my trip about four weeks out. and end up pretty excited about it. Come to find out with no real surprise that My friends Ex is going to move out before Octobers over.

My friend starts panicking. again doesn't wanna be alone with the other roommate that they're having hardships with. So I say ok... I'm going to do this vacation, then im just going to move on the 20th so I can get my stuff packed.

Shits already starting to go down hill.

I get there. everything seems fine. The ex seems nice, things seem ok. the other roommates.... already trying to cause shit with me and im not even physically in the house. I'm sleeping on a mattress on the floor in an old office space. bought a bunch of furniture because at this point. I know I'm moving here. Its going to happen. This is where I'm going to live might as well help my friend end up getting it taken care of.

Well. Day three of my vacation hits. The ex drops that her dad wants her to move out that day. completely screws the pooch for my friend and the other roommate. And basically bails on them and leaves the house just with the things she wants and then just leaves all the rest of her junk here like its her own storage unit. claims she’ll be back for the rest [ Spoilers never happened] so that... right there puts this sour taste in my mouth. Cause yeah, me and her ex at that point are sharing a bed. Because like theres only three beds in the house until she ends up leaving and so my friends like ill just sleep with you. me i’m very fine sharing my sleeping space with my friends. i’ve done it literally all my life. hell a its not a goodnight sleep unless your on your best friends bed snuggling the shit out of her kaneki ken body pillow listening to true crime documentaries on the TV but like seriously it was no big deal to me. which im begining to wonder if it was a big deal to her. Either way apparently instead of waiting till i officially moved. she bailed and forced my hand. So I had to stay, I couldn’t properly say goodbye to my mom. couldn’t properly get my shit packed. all cause I really didn’t want to leave my friend alone till I could officially move in. So already, I started getting a slight distaste in my mouth for her. but I let it slide. I know how overbearing parents are sometimes. well, so i cancelled my flights. money spent that i was never going to end up getting back that I could’ve later used towards something for the house. The girl left. and I was left, Cleaning up the mess that she walked out of and left behind. Turns out my friend was the only one that was cleaning up around the house. and working a part time job, while trying to side hustle some art for extra money. They were the one that was handling all the utilities, while their ex was buying everyone food. Separate it would’ve been an easier task if it was just the two of them. but you add in the extra roommate that was only paying her share of rent and none of the food and utilities and shit starts piling up. Well. sat down and looked at all the finances. found out that while yeah the Ex was making the most money. She didn’t bother to help out with any of the chores. I mean, they split the dish duty. And i’m sitting here wondering how long this pan of fish oils been on the stove for. had to buy new pans cause they were growing cultures. Hell half her chores and the other roomates were doing the cat boxes. dude it was shit mountain in there. it was so bad the cats were going in the corner. Yet it was like my friend was expected to pick up after them and pick up their slack because they didn’t work as many hours as the other two. Which I’m sorry. if you can’t balance cleaning up after yourself. and working how the hell are you going to live on your own. Well in comes me, the living off disability. [ which is not a glorious life] I have a lot of time on my hands. so first few days we douche out the house. things start looking good. in comes the ex to get something and brings this utter douchebag of a man that boasts about him being the whole reason that they broke up. Which like when we were moving out the ex. the ex’s dads...girlfriend??? was like dont let them take advantage of you. which like made me pull up a shit ton of questionmarks. cause yeah i wasn’t going to let the other roommate do that cause i was kinda aware what her game was and it wasn’t playable with me. everyone had their part to play in this household, and I wasn’t going to play mother for anyone. Well in comes this guy. boast about how he wont let anyone take advantage of her again and im like sure w/e dude. but like i started like... questioning wtf she was actually telling people that my friend actually did to her. see, what i was told was that it was an intimacy issue. my friends pretty Asexual so like there wasn’t alot of physical involvement. and that things just weren’t going the way that their ex wanted them to. Turns out it was SOOOO much more then that. so curious me, got digging about this girl cause shit just wasnt really adding up. and I started finding out things. At this time, friend started turning to partner. and eventually we started dating which made shit a lot more uncomfortable with me and this girl. cause yanno, new girlfriend. ex girlfriend. two things dont usually mesh well in situations like this. Well so, started finding out that while in a relationship she was leading on a bunch of other guys, and at work would like do this whole “im bi” thing if the guy was cute. like she was very male centered for a “lesbian” She was super horny on main during DND which made EVERYONE uncomfortable. to top it all off she was a narcissist, that had a victim that she could toy with. She tried to convince my partners parents while they were still together, to talk to their child when there were behaviours that she didnt like. She tried to have an intervention with their friends to force them into transitioning FtM when they were happy just being nonbinary. they would gaslight them, manipulate them, and abuse them. I watched this girl in the span of three weeks tear my partner down with her words in front of me. and be nothing but venomous to them. for no other reason then they were actually happy. While spining all these stories of how she was the one that was wronged. Well, I started having enough of her coming around just so she could be mean to my partner. She’d come over. immediately go to our fridge to drink some of the booze she left and then pick at my partner for small insignificant things only because she wanted to fight. When i had enough of that. I told my partner, we’re going to DnD early. she can find her own ride. She came to a family party, invited unknowingly by my partners brother that’s been over seas and in the military. She thought she was going to get a hookup complained she wasn’t having fun because he wasn’t paying attention to her. Snapped at my partners nephews because they wanted to play and made one of them cry. and was just toxic to be around. That was strike two. Strike three was watching how she conducted herself around our dnD group. she’d had this guy, mister “ i saved you from your bad relationship” on speed dial, and would tell him things. and then sit and shit talk him when she was bored with him to everyone. We were all sick of it. The ending straw with me, was when we finally wanted to be done with this drama. told her three months before hand to get off the car insurance. and it wasn’t done. ended up causing a big thing. She started saying that she’d leave the DND group to make things easier. because Thats what my partner would want. At this point i couldnt stand it any longer. Three months talking to everyone that physically knows her. and see’s what she’s becoming lead everyone to say the same thing about her She was turning into her mother. No i know fuck all about that. i dont know her mother, i dont know anything about her. I know she’s on a shot that fucks with your brain and ends up messing with your body. I also was on the DEPO shot for three years of my life and its caused so many problems after i was off it. and thats what i tried to impart to her my wisdom on. therapy, and a depo shot. now how we got there is really long winded, and highly dramatic. id admitted to her our dnd group wanted to chat. she was pushy, respected no ones boundaries, and left our friends house a complete mess. just like she left ours... and god, she ended up pissing me off cause the girl left slippers caked in cat puke in my tub after staining my bathroom doing her hair dye. she disrespected my home, she disrespected out friends, and our friends home. and she was needlessly mean and cruel to everyone around her that didnt serve some purpose to her. So yeah she had to go. Here i am thinking that this is the end of it. but i get updates about how I’m apparently the worst abuser in the world just cause I told some spoiled brat of a woman to get off a shot that messes with the brain, and to seek therapy cause this girl needs help. Funny thing is im not the only one that said it. apprently just the loudest voice to have said it. and this bitch still thinks i dont like her cause she’s not ‘ providing for us financially” We may not have a high roller life. but damn we’re doing just fucking fine.

#the dumb drama

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