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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

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Skam France, season 3, episode 1 reaction

here we go again

So I’m actually pretty intrigued going into this season, because on the one hand, I had some giant problems with Skam France’s first two seasons, and I know a lot of people felt that it was one of the weaker remakes (myself included). On the other hand, unlike with S2, they were able to adjust for viewer feedback with S3, possibly course correcting for some of the common complaints, and they’ve promised a lot of changes to a beloved story. It will be interesting to see how much Skam France grows into its own this season.

Also that Maxence guy sure has a face

I was not a fan of Skam France’s S1 and S2; up to this point, I’d say it’s my least favorite remake. So upfront, here are my main concerns going into the season:

The biggest problem with S1 and S2 was that it was such a copy and paste of the original show, to the point where it didn’t make sense a lot of the time. It was often like they’d redone 80-90% of the original material, with some slight changes, but then they failed to account for how those slight changes would affect the story or the scene. So we got weird inconsistencies and contradictions because the writers didn’t take out stuff from the original that no longer made sense. Or jokes or events happening without the setup that made it work. Characterization that didn’t feel natural or play to the actors’ strengths. Now we have learned that apparently the Skam France crew wanted to do more changes but were told to not stray too much, and that they have been given much more leeway to deviate from the original show with their S3 and S4. S3 and especially S4 are supposed to be heavily changed; I really hope they’re not exaggerating and that they’re going to be making bigger changes like story elements and plot structure, to the point where we can’t predict the upcoming clips based on the original show.

Skam France lacks a lot of the authenticity of the original and other remakes, such as casting older professional actors for many of the roles, or the overall more “polished” look and vibe of the show. Which cannot be changed at this point, and which does not bother everyone, but for me it can seriously detract from the material. It’s one thing to watch spotty teens act like spotty teens and screw up and act immature; it’s another to watch 22-25 year-old hotties make the same mistakes on screen, because I can’t completely reconcile the fact that maybe they should know better by now, heh. Rawness and vulnerability are such an essential part of Skam’s storytelling and so they need to account for that. Actually I think that’s why they reaaaaally need to dig deep into the quiet and “mundane” moments, because often those come across as some of the most emotionally fragile.

Don’t hate me: Lucas was one of my least favorite characters on Skam France in the previous seasons and my least favorite Isak across Skams. (I mean, it had to be one of them?) It’s nothing against the actor as a person but I always felt like he was acting rather than giving a natural performance. And not gonna lie, I was kind of creeped out by him in a way I haven’t felt with other Isaks. Like when he was snaking Emma, or when she called him on it and he had to respond, I didn’t get any sense of ambiguity or conflict or messiness - there was something a little blank and robotic about the way he was reacting. Not just in an “Isak is putting on a fake persona” way but in a “I would not be surprised if this dude had a collection of human heads in a freezer somewhere” way. But I am willing to give him another chance! There is more emotional range from his character in this season, and hopefully love will bring out more softness in him. With the changes to S3, maybe they’ll also play more to his strengths, and incorporate more organic and original moments so he’s not stuck recreating Isak’s greatest hits.

Scenes are RUSHED to fit the time limits per episode. This I dread, because S3 has so many scenes that are dependent on the pacing. Part of the effectiveness of Hjernen er alene or Minutt for minutt, for example, was that we got to listen to the long pauses, the silence. The scenes felt languid and peaceful and took time to let the atmosphere build. Skam France frequently didn’t have time for that, and consequently the mood of the clip often didn’t land, the actors had to rush through their dialogue instead of sinking into their characters’ emotions thoroughly. The best way to fix this would be to rewrite scenes so they’re not rushed - like instead of trying to cram a seven minute scene into four, rewrite the scene so there’s only four minutes of material, if you get what I mean. Or write a new scene that works within the time frame. Eliminate scenes that might not be necessary - personally every scene in Skam S3 feels necessary to me, but that might not be the case with Skam France S3 due to changes in the story.

Overuse of music. Skam France is one of several remakes that use music in almost every clip, typically in predictable ways - song starts clip, song ends clip over the credits. It lessens the impact of the soundtrack and makes it feel more obligatory and less vital to the scenes. So stick to music that matters and helps the tone or impact of the clips, rather than shoehorning it just because.

The directing could feel detached/distant in a way that didn’t serve the material. At the same time, sometimes it also got so OTT and soap opera-ish that it was comical. Hopefully they can find a balance that serves the characters’ emotions without going overboard.

Previously they filmed two seasons at one so they couldn’t make changes based on viewer feedback. That’s still in effect here, as we’re getting both S3 and S4 this spring. If there’s something people hate about S3, they can’t change it in S4. However, they did have plenty of time to incorporate feedback from the first two seasons before making S3 and S4, so I do have a lot of hope that they have fixed some of the biggest flaws. We know that they have changed a title of an episode to be “the boy who was afraid of the dark” so I believe they have changed the rebirth symbolism from Skam S3 into something different, probably light and dark symbolism to match Lucas’ name associations with light, and that is a huge step in the right direction.

Anyway, that’s out of the way, so here’s the actual episode.

Episode 1

Clip 1 - Sad reflection time

The very first clip of the season is new and not an adaptation, so that’s a promising start.

Lucas is sitting alone on a bench in a park. Lots of social media WhatsApp messages and Facebook notifications going off. The boy squad is talking about going to Emma’s party later and bringing beer and weed. Lucas stares moonily at man-woman pairs and a group of girls. I don’t think either do much for him. He puts the phone in his pocket. He sees a group of dudes and is perhaps more affected, so maybe he finds one of them attractive, or he’s just reminded of his own social situation, wishing he could be completely relaxed with his squad and not hiding a secret from them. The title of this clip was “Disconnected” which he obviously is, surrounded by people but still alone. He blue steels into the distance as we cut to the title card.

I usually save social media comments for the end, but the best part of this clip is the juxtaposition with Lucas’ IG post made right before this clip. A shot of the park, about him living his best life. Of course that’s some giant irony, because we know from the clip that he’s not living his best life, he’s detached from everyone around him and unhappy. So either he made that post with a lot of sarcasm, or specifically to put up the appearance that he’s fine. Or both.

Clip 2 - Good thing they were on the ground floor?

WILD N CRAZY TEEN PARTY TIME

Daphne is talking to a girl, but gets interrupted when a guy enters to make out with the girl. Daphne is like … OK then! And walks away. Daphne, my #1 of Skam France, I missed you the most.

Daphne goes to dance with Emma who also is drawn away by make-outs, this time with Raptor Alex. Daphne again is like ... OK then! She looks around and sees so many couples making out at this party. So I guess she’s gonna feel romantically and sexually frustrated like Vilde did in S3.

I got a laugh at her trying to connect with that younger girl over not connecting with anyone, when some dude swoops in to kiss that girl. Poor Daphne, trying to assert her older wisdom, be so helpful, and it didn’t work out.

In the kitchen we see our French boy squad. Arthur (glasses), Basile (no glasses), and Yann and Lucas of course.

Can I just say, thanks Skam France for adding to the scant glasses rep across these damn remakes? It’s wild to me that there are so few characters who have glasses in the Skam Extended Universe. There’s Amira from Druck, Luca from wtFOCK, Poonam from Skam Austin ... errr… that guy who sat next to Noora in S1 … some of the theater kids ... did I forget anyone?

Lucas talks about an attractive girl by saying, “Who cares about the size of the boobs?” which is truly a 100% authentic statement from a bonafide Kinsey 0 heterosexual man, yessir.

They’re interrupted by a girl running to the sink to puke. The boy squad is really funny with their reactions, Arthur is already winning me over with his facial expressions. I laughed at Arthur and Yann in the background when Lucas is flirting.

French Emma is called Chloé. Lucas gets Basile to take over hair-holding duties. Not gonna lie, I don’t really buy Lucas as this dude with mad game when Yann is right there (or Arthur, probably). Yann has got to be just as smooth. But they gave Lucas more helpful dialogue, I guess? It’s still slick like Isak but a little milder, he’s trying to calm down Chloé, he doesn’t neg her. So perhaps that helped him win her over.

He also shotguns with her which would be smooth except about 3% of the smoke made it into her mouth, but then again she seems like a novice so she probably didn’t care.

Their moment is interrupted by Maria hacking some more, but soon she and the other boys leave, and Lucas and Chloé make out. This is a pretty big divergence from Isak, who started making out with Emma while his friends were present. It was all a performance, and he clearly got uncomfortable once he was alone with Emma and eventually shuts it down. Lucas’ flirting is presumably a performance, too, but he could’ve stopped it after the boys left. Instead he goes forward with it.

Lucas does not start to show signs of discomfort until they’ve moved to the hallway and Chloé is unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his neck. We didn’t really see him show much doubt up until this point - like we saw Isak take a moment to gather himself when he realized he would have to flirt with Emma in the bathroom, the boys were pointing out it was “his girl.” But Lucas didn’t seem to falter until this point. I wish they’d shown more conflict earlier in the clip since they are emphasizing him putting on an act (like with the IG post). IDK if there’s also more of a self-imposed struggle he’s going through - maybe he’s also putting more pressure on himself to hook up with girls, not just to look straight but to be straight? It seemed like he might have even gone through with hooking up with Chloé had the cops not come up to the door. He was even starting to kiss her neck back.

When the cops show up, he takes advantage of the distraction and literally runs away from Chloé and jumps out a window, which is HILARIOUS, except this dude just dropped the weed on the floor in plain sight. Lucas, you’re a dingus.

I want jumping out of the window to become some symbolic running gag much like Isak struggling with his locker was, like every time Lucas has a problem he jumps out of the nearest window, in an increasingly dramatic fashion with glass spraying everywhere or him leaping out of an exploding building several stories onto the roof of a car. Doesn’t matter the situation, if there’s a window and an issue he doesn’t want to face, he ain’t gonna take the stairs. And I guess at one point the window won’t open so he has to stop jumping and running from his problems, and then his version of O Helga Natt involves climbing up and going through a window. But mostly the increasingly dramatic exits.

Clip 3 - Mika, Lisa, Manon, and a cranky gay hamster

The Skam France team got the most important detail of Isak’s season right, which is the box of tissues beside Lucas’ bed.

When Lucas wakes up he has a text from his mom, a message about going to church and praying for God to punish Lucas’ father for his sins, which SURE IS SOME SHIT. That isn’t just happy cloud religion, it’s hoping a vengeful God will strike down your enemies.

The text itself seems … coherent? Just religious. IDK if anything was lost in translation. Isak’s mom’s texts often seemed more rambling, or straight-up Bible verses about sin.

But hurrah, they’re keeping the religious themes in this season! Lucas is another Biblical name so I’m interested to see how they develop that symbolism.

Lucas’ mom says she is praying for the both of them and that she misses him, so there’s more of a sense of wanting to connect with her son - like Isak’s mom’s texts were pretty intimidating and I could see how he’d feel closed off from them and would find them more judgmental and a sign of her mental illness more than anything, not necessarily a sign of her missing her son. Lucas’ mom is more clearly reaching out to him, I guess he’s just not responding or giving anything back.

Yann texts Lucas that the police found stuff at Emma’s, and he wants to know if Lucas has the weed. Lucas is trying to find the weed when Mika and Lisa come in with Manon on the phone. Lucas does not greet Manon with enthusiasm although we will see that they’ve got a fairly warm relationship.

Mika has an Alt Er Love phone case, which is very cute and a sweet nod to Skam! Every season of Skam France so far has had a shout-out to the original show, which I think is a nice gesture.

Mika says Lucas has problems like “how to get a girl to deflower him” which sure is an interesting comment. Either Mika truly does not suspect anything, which is doubtful, IMO, or he’s just covering for him in front of Manon or trying to make Lucas feel like they don’t know his secret, which is considerate of him.

Mika compares Lucas to no better than a hamster because all he does is sleeps, eats, and poops, like a hamster and Lisa thinks that it would’ve been better to get a hamster. Lucas gives her an offended look. LMAO.

Manon is being nice to Lucas, which is sweet of her. She has Lucas show off the apartment. So this is a different apartment from season 2? Were they not able to get the other one? Occam’s Razor, I assume this was a filming/location issue.

Manon asks about the rent and Lucas says his dad feels bad because he can’t take him in, so he’s helping Lucas out. Wasn’t Manon supposed to pay for Lucas’ rent because her parents didn’t know she was moving out of the flat and in with Charles? I guess their patronage stopped because she couldn’t avoid telling them that she was leaving for London with Charles. Which makes me wonder why they bothered to keep in that part at all last season. (Or maybe again, because they had to switch apartments so Manon’s parents wouldn’t unknowingly pay for someone’s rent in a place she’d never lived.)

Manon asks about Lucas’ mom, whether she will be OK, and he says that she’ll be OK (obviously he is not sure of that), and then she asks if Lucas is seeing someone. Doubtful that he realizes how loaded that question is, considering Manon has seen what’s on his phone! He does this blatant lie where he pretends Mika is calling for his phone back to avoid answering.

I do not actually get why they’re doing Manon in London? Or why they redid this scene so closely? In OG S3, there were several reasons this scene existed, such as showing the mother’s religious text and Jonas asking about the weed, and planting some seeds for Isak being uncomfortable with some of Eskild’s behavior (like Eskild talking about lavender scent). But it was also a way to explain that Isak was living at Kollektivet, and a followup to Noora after her season and a setup to explain why William wasn’t around anymore, and we don’t need either of those things here. Manon directly offered her room to Lucas at the end of S2, so we know he would be living there, and there’s no reason to write off Charles because the actor isn’t leaving the show. The only thing you’d kinda need to address is why they’re in a different apartment, which could be easily explained with a line or two or dialogue (Mika or Lisa complaining that something was better/worse at the old apartment).

Noora’s whole subplot of sorts in S3, with her and William going to London and her returning when their relationship faltered ... I don’t know what Julie’s plans were had Thomas Hayes not left the show, but that definitely seemed like a development necessitated by his decision. Julie even managed to write in some parallels between Isak’s and Noora’s romantic situations to create some thematically relevant material from this development. But we still don’t actually need to do that with Skam France! The actor who plays Charles isn’t going anywhere from what I know. Like I don’t get why they can’t just have Manon and Charles living at their own place, as planned, and then they’re in the background with parties and stuff. Especially keeping in mind the time restrictions on the episodes, and that they’ll likely need to cut stuff, and this is something that could probably go without affecting the main story.

Skam Italia also wrote out the Noora character and sent her to England during their Isak’s season, too, and I thought it was kinda unnecessary, although that I can understand more because they switched S2 and S3, so it was a reason to keep Eleonora away from Edoardo (the William) until her own season. But overall it’s not something that I think needs to be carried over from remake to remake. I hope they have a good reason to send Manon away other than just repeating the story from the original show, especially considering that IMO that drama ended up dragging down season 4 (but that’s a whoooooole different essay).

Clip 4 - That’s enough, Basile

It’s school on Monday and Daphne is running around the courtyard, handing out flyers. Daphne’s existence is one thing that improves any Monday, personally.

The boy squad is all pissing in a row, sans Lucas, who’s on his phone waiting for the others. Once again he is disconnected from his pals, this time from the manliest of all male bonding rituals, the synchronized bladder release.

Yann and Arthur wash their hands and Basile does not, so guess who is going straight to the bottom of my boy squad rankings? Ewwww.

And he says it’s because he touched the girl’s butt on Saturday? …. The girl who was puking? Yeah, he could not plummet faster.

Basile starts going off about a wildlife documentary, referring to “females” as marking their scent on males, and IDK if the connotations are the same in French but men referring to women as “females” outside of a scientific context usually is a red flag.

And he hasn’t washed his hands since Saturday? But he’s jerked off???? I’m gonna puke. Yann points out he’s gonna smell like dick.

This conversation tanked Basile for me, because afterwards I could not stop thinking of his stank hands whenever he was on screen.

Daphne hands the flyers to the guys. She’s renovating the common room and is gonna make it “the place to be”. I guess they’ve just dropped her awesome party or whatever? Or is that happening in S4? Even though it’s kinda pointless, wasn’t it supposed to attract older boys and make the girl squad really cool? It’s been like over a year since they wanted to plan that, lol.

Basile seems super into Daphne and is willing to do the project, although Arthur is like, no, you aren’t. Basile, you have time to grow on me, but right now I do not approve of you hooking up with Daphne with your disgusting unwashed hands. She deserves The Best.

The other guys think Daphne is weird but Basile thinks she’s hot, so you know, he has that going for him. Though I think he would fall for any woman who acknowledged his existence. He would fall in love with the Annabelle doll if it looked his way.

Lucas gives the others a high five as he leaves, except for Basile, because he says Basile is disgusting. My favorite thing Lucas has ever done, tbh.

Basile does a pratfall over the bench on the way to class. That’s one way to get Daphne’s attention! But what makes it really funny is that Arthur stumbles over a rock at the EXACT SAME TIME in the background. I mean Basile is obsessing over everyone woman in the vicinity when clearly he and Arthur have some kind of soul bond going. (Arthur is probs too good for Basile, though. Arthur/Yann all the way.)

Things that did not appear in this clip: penguins, helicopters, treasure maps, mysterious hot new students making eyes at Lucas. Clearly there was no reason for any of those to be present. I don’t even know why I mentioned it.

(This aired on January 21st, Skam France, do you even know your audience???) (JK but for real.)

Clip 5 - The beginning of a beautiful friendship

Lucas stares at his teacher, who is wearing a sheer top that reveals her bra. I have to say he doesn’t look like uninterested. Arthur comments on it, too, that Lucas is checking out the hot teacher. Which is what I would believe if I did not have deeper insight into Lucas’ preferences.

Imane shows up and shoos Arthur away, and she asks Lucas whether he lost something on Saturday. When he asks, “What are you talking about?” she’s like, “Your virginity.” HA, that is an excellent burn, Lucas is toast.

We didn’t see Imane when Lucas jumped out the window, but she had to have been nearby for her to realize it was Lucas’ weed instead of anyone else’s. He didn’t take the time to plant it, he just dropped it, so that was less snake-like than Isak. And maybe a little less deserving of the roasting that Imane gives him, since this isn’t a matter of him being inconsiderate, just dumb. Sana was pissed off that Isak would do something like that on purpose and potentially get Eva in trouble; Lucas did it by accident. I guess the end result is the same if weed was found at Emma’s house, no matter how it was left behind.

Imane says they find Daphne’s project annoying, too, so I assume they’re all just doing this to make Daphne happy.

When Imane gets up to leave the teacher is like, no, Alexia and Arthur are now partners and Imane and Lucas are now together. Both Lucas and Imane look positively thrilled about this. Just delighted. I think Arthur’s reaction is meant to be sarcastic but lmao, dude, you get to work with Alexia, that’s a damn privilege.

Clip 6 - Lucas is bad at subtlety

It’s time for Daphne’s meeting! Just the girl squad, boy squad, maybe that girl who was making out with Lucas, and no other new characters of importance.

Lucas shows up, looking as eager as you’d expect. The girls are there sans Manon. They talk about how sad and depressing the room is. It looks OK to me? Like, not super warm and inviting, but they describe it like it’s Azkaban. Daphne is the only one who’s peppy and says they’re going to turn it into something so great people won’t want to leave high school. That sounds like the premise for a horror movie.

Some dudes show up and Daphne is all ready to greet them to her meeting. At first I thought that this lounge was their usual place to hang out, since it looks like one of them had a board game or something, and they had zero idea that a meeting would be happening, lmao.

We get another shot out of the window and for a second I was wondering if a mysterious new student might be standing below, lurking around, perhaps stalking somebody.

The boy squad actually joins Lucas for this meeting, which is nice of them, although in a second I’m going to wish they’d stayed away. Basile thinks Daphne is winking at him, Arthur says she’s just rubbing her eye. Why couldn’t Arthur be the one ship-teased with Daphne?

Oh, and Chloé has arrived. She sends a non-imaginary wink toward Lucas. I know she’s probably not going to stay that way, but for now Chloé is a very cute person.

Just as the boys are telling Lucas that Chloé is into him and asking about their hookup on Saturday, some male model just walks off a photo shoot and into the common room. We know this is significant as the music gets tinkly and Lucas deadass stares at this dude without reservations. Mysterious male model stares back and makes eye contact with Lucas. (I feel like looking into Maxence’s eyes is the gay equivalent of Bird Box, where just one glance is enough to make a guy like Lucas abandon the last remnants of chill and heterosexuality.)

Somehow Lucas does not die from this interaction, but he does keeping sneaking glances at the handsome stranger while Daphne does her awkward introduction. Chill, dead and buried. Heterosexuality on life support.

Basile applauds Daphne in her introduction - OK, I love her too, but calm the fuck down, weirdo. Daphne, don’t encourage him.

When the crowd starts adding their commentary, Imane steps in and tells people that the next one to interrupt Daphne gets their shins broken, which a simple yet iconic moment, especially because Yann certainly seems to get nervous.

Lucas keeps checking out the hottie in the row behind him and I mean, the camera loves that pretty face, so why not?

I already want to kill Basile.

Daphne is also done with him and roasts him when he asks for her number. Everyone giggles, which makes her smile and gives her some confidence, so I guess that’s what Basile’s good for. Except then he’s instantly in love with Daphne so arrrrrgh.

Lucas keeps checking out the view behind him because Basile is not the only one who’s developed a crush.

I like the idea of a musical cue or theme for Lucas and Sexy Newcomer but I’m kinda ehhh about this one, because I can already see it making certain scenes cheesy and overdramatic, like Yann spiking his skateboard or Charles slow-mo racing to Manon levels of unintentional hilarity. Unless Sexy Newcomer’s a pianist? Then I can understand it more if this type of music is relevant to his character.

Clip 7 - Weird is good

Lucas is walking home and what do you know, he sees a snack at the vending machine. Give some credit to Lucas, he goes right up to him. Although he doesn’t say hello, just lurks behind.

I recently watched the series You on Netflix so all these scenes of Lucas staring at the object of his affection with his large unblinking eyes are feeling a lot more ominous than intended.

Dream Boy is like oh sorry, i didn’t see you there! Fucking fake, he probably saw Lucas’ reflection in the glass or something. He can’t decide what to get, so Lucas recommends #24 which is a crunchy choco bar (looks like a granola bar). So in the promos for this season they mentioned “chocolate” as an important element in the story. Maybe crunchy choco will be their always!

Dream Boy gets one crunchy choco bar, and then another one, so there are no more left. His version of taking all the paper towels. He got very lucky that there were only two crunchy chocos left and that Lucas didn’t want the almond & seeds bar instead. He would’ve had to buy the whole damn rack. Dream Boy says one of the crunchy chocos is for Lucas. Except we don’t see them eat the bars, lol.

They sit down and smoke at the bus stop with one seat between them, and I could tell Chloé was gonna come and sit there. But I think it’s also supposed to be some no-homo space between them, like buying choco bars is one thing, but sitting next to each other??? It’s not like they’re married or anything.

They talk about how weird the meeting was, the importance of the common room. Lucas’ future husband says it’s a good opportunity to meet new people, but we know he’s thinking of one person in particular.

Earth Angel is a third year studying literature. Lucas asks whether it’s weird to start a new school five months before graduation. I mean ... they could have just made him Lucas’ age since he’s already like 25 in real life, at that point it’s not going to make much difference if you say he’s 17 or 18. Angelface is like, everything is weird with you! He muses that he too must seem weird. Well, weirdness is a quality I like in an Even, because Even was a giant fucking weirdo and it made him memorable and charming. And we know that our French Even has reasons for people to think he’s weird and is used to it, even if Lucas doesn’t know that yet, so it’s more loaded than Lucas even knows.

No offense but why is Chloé trying to chase Lucas when there is a literal male model on her other side? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Chloé is like, the meeting was fun, right? Lucas is awkward and Sugar Pie Honey Bunch kindly chimes in that the general opinion is that it was weird. Chloé seems to be like, oh, OK, as if that will be her new opinion to stay on the same page as Lucas. SPHB adds, but we like weird, I think. NOT SO SUBTLE. You know what he means by that.

Chloé introduces herself to the new guy and he introduces himself as Eliott, so I can stop making up stupid nicknames and pretending I don’t know the name of this character they told us about months ago.

There was a really good post by @skambyme about how both S3 remakes so far have done the end of this scene by putting the Emma character literally in the middle of the Isak and Even, while in the original, it’s Isak who ends up between Emma and Even. The remakes have the focus on Emma coming between Isak and Even, and it’s not like a terrible choice to do that or anything, but I think it’s more perceptive in the original to recognize that the biggest obstacle is not Emma, but Isak himself, caught between a girl and a guy, a safe lie and a terrifying truth. It puts the emphasis on Isak’s internal journey rather than a more external obstacle (Emma).

We learn from the credits that Eliott’s last name is Demaury and he has an Instagram account! So already that’s different from Even, who’s a total ghost on social media, except for the birthday video, obviously.

It’s a little funny to me that Arthur and Basile do not have last names according to the credits, though, lmao. Everyone else does and they’re just Those Two Guys on a first name only basis.

Social Media/General Comments

I mentioned it above but I liked that prior to the first clip, they started the season with an IG post from Lucas saying he’s living his best life, of course to contrast with the disconnect he feels in the clip itself. Putting up a facade on social media much like Isak did.

FOR SOME REASON Basile found it necessary to document the sink girl’s puke afer she was done, like … no one wants to see that, bro.

The boys talk about Lucas’ great game with Chloé in a chat, and Basile wants them all to know he has game, too. They just ignore him, lmao. As one should.

Manon and Lucas have a pretty solid friendship going on, which is nice. They’re on heart emoji level and she offers to throw Earl Grey on Mika and Lisa if they bother Lucas too much. I wonder if Lucas will properly come out to her at some point during the season, or confide in her. Especially if she ends up coming back and crashing at the apartment like Noora did - she’ll be around to talk to in person.

Mika not only calls Lucas hetero in a clip, but he refers to him as such in an IG story, and I’m not sure what to make of that yet? Because he knows about the rumors that Manon and Emma told him last season. At some point last season Lucas started crashing in their building/apartment, so Mika must have found him and let him stay over. If he didn’t find him at a gay bar, then what happened? I don’t think Mika legit thinks Lucas is straight; I think he’s just trying to keep up the appearance that he doesn’t suspect Lucas is gay, for Lucas’ sake. I don’t know if that’s the best method, but that’s my guess.

Unless Mika genuinely didn’t think he was gay after Manon and Emma, and he didn’t find Lucas at a gay bar but in some other situation, like IDK, drunk at a park/bus stop/whatever? I doubt it. Or he’s ironically teasing Lucas about his heterosexuality because he suspects otherwise, which is mean, so I doubt that, too.

Basile again talks about how hot Daphne is in a chat … stay away from her, dude. He did wash his hands or sanitize them eventually, thank God.

Manon is posting throwbacks of her and Charles on IG … the fact that it’s a throwback makes me think things are not so great between them right now. Reinforced by her later posting Rupi Kaur quotes, “if you are not enough for yourself you will never be enough for someone else.”

Eliott is doing some type of Instagram puzzle with 4 out of 9 squares currently posted, and I’m not even going to take a guess as to what the finished product will be as of now, but I think it’s a really cool idea for the Even character to do something artsy and mysterious like that, and a fun way to tease the audience.

There was talk about how good Maxence’s acting was, with some divided opinions. I thought his acting was fine for his first clip. IDK how good he’ll end up being with the heavier material of the season, but he seems to have a lot of energy, which is something I find really important with Even, and he had a weird charm that felt right for the character. I know I saw some stuff that he sounded awkward to French speakers.

After the party clip I wrote something like “I really like the boy squad so far!” and it should be clear that my opinion changed to have one glaring exception by the end of the episode, lmao.

I’m already done with Basile, like we had 3 clips with him in it and 2.5 of them had him being obnoxious and creepy about girls. I say 2.5 because I thought he was OK the first time I saw the party clip, just an awkward goober dude, and then later clips retroactively ruined him in that one. The other two clips had a rather large focus on his desperation over girls, like I know basically nothing about Arthur so far, and Yann hasn’t done much yet this season, but I’ve heard a shit ton about Basile being gross. They have plenty of time to redeem him or tone him down, but I hope it happens fast. And Daphne is my favorite character so the thought of her hooking up with him makes me shudder.

That’s one disadvantage of them filming two seasons at once, though ... if they keep up his shtick and people dislike it, they can’t tone it later in the season or in S4 because it’s already filmed.

Overall I thought the use of music has improved. Some scenes started with silence! I liked that song at the very end!

Opinion of unknown popularity: I’m tired of the promo and behind the scenes stuff already.

Skam France is not the only remake that has done this, but it felt like they went on promo overload with this season, no doubt to build hype since the original S3 was such a hit, and I mean, from the perspective that they want people to watch and comment and like and subscribe … yeah, certainly I get it! But one thing that made Skam so special to watch was the lack of promo, the total immersion in the story. Completely not knowing what was coming, having no idea about what happens next. It was very unusual compared to almost every other TV show.

Right now it feels like they’re operating under the idea that everyone has seen the original show. Certainly fandom makes this assumption a lot of the time, but it’s one thing for fandom to do it and another for the director/writers/actors/marketing team to assume it? And I can’t help but feel that this spoils some of the effect of the season. S3, especially in the beginning, relied on a lot of ambiguity that kept you guessing. It was firmly locked into Isak’s POV, so when he doubted Even liked him, so did many of the viewers. We didn’t know that Even was mentally ill at the beginning of the season. We didn’t know Even noticed Isak on his first day of school. We didn’t know Even had a girlfriend. All this promo is giving away so much.

That’s actually an issue I have with the Eliott trailer, because as cool as I find the idea of finally getting that first-day-of-school POV, and although I think it’s a well-made trailer, it does remove a lot of the ambiguity regarding Eliott’s feelings toward Lucas, something that goes a long way toward establishing tension and putting us firmly in Lucas’ head, especially in the early episodes. For example, if Eliott turns out to have a girlfriend, we still know that he does have some feelings for Lucas - we saw Lucas grab his attention in the trailer. Whereas when Isak learns about Sonja, he doubts whether these moments he shared with Even were really what he thought they were, whether Even is actually into him - and the audience can doubt with him, because we don’t know any more than Isak. It doesn’t matter a ton to me as someone who’s seen Isak’s story, but what about someone who hasn’t?

Like I’m just imagining being a French viewer who has never seen the original show - you’d already know so much about where the story is headed just from the promo material. (How much of the audience is made up of total newbies who haven’t seen Skam, anyway?)

Of course, we don’t know how the changes in the story will be affected by spoilers, so perhaps there is a lot that we still won’t see coming. But honestly I would rather just watch the whole season and then get all of the behind the scenes goodies when it’s done. Especially because they’re saying that they’ve changed so much about this season - it would be great to go into that without any hints or spoilers.

I mean I love getting Skam interviews, bloopers, and scripts now, but I’m really glad it’s well after the show ended rather than while the season was airing. I remember the experience of watching live and not knowing where the story was going, and I really think that has a lot to do with Skam’s overall success and intense audience engagement. Some of the remakes have also done this - Skam España S1 and Druck S2 were/are divergent enough from the original seasons that it was exciting to wait for clips not knowing what to expect all the time. But I’m just imagining if Julie was posting a ton of explanations and hints during S3, and if that wouldn’t take a lot of the suspense and fun out of the experience.

Obviously the people involved are extremely proud of making this season, and want to share that love with everybody, so I don’t want to sound like an ass and complain about what they should or should not do. I know, I know, the solution is not to look at the extra material. It’s all optional and for the people who want to read it, everyone else can avoid it. But I’m thinking the best way to do that is just to avoid the tags and discussion of the show, because it felt pretty widely discussed and circulated. Anyway.

This episode on the whole was better than what we saw from S1 and S2 on average. Honestly, there are still some of the same directing weaknesses - not huge things, just like … stuff I would tweak, showing cause and effect, getting from Point A to Point B type stuff. But they’re not as pronounced so I think they can pull it together. I do think this season is going to be better than Skam France’s first two seasons.

I am not French so feel free to clarify or correct me if I misunderstood something.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#skamfr reactions #long post

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twdmusicboxmystery · 6 years

Text

Analysis of New Opening Credits for S9: Wow!

I can’t believe what I’m seeing! Is everyone seeing this?

Hey Everyone! Happy Friday! As I said yesterday, I had a lot of people asking me to analyze the new opening credits. So, here goes! They’re VERY interesting.

Before I get started, let me give creds to plenty of people in my group, including @katkhaos, @lily.loup (IG), @wdway, @frangipanilove, @boltthrutheheart, and a handful of others. I also know that some of their observations were things they got from other places in the fandom. In short, these opening credits have already bounced around so much, it’s hard to know who noticed what first. So…creds to whoever did.

Okay, a couple of very general observations. I notice that the camera, throughout the entire thing up until the end, pans backwards. It’s kind of the opposite of the Kaleidescope Promo, in which the camera pans forward. And I think this is by design. I think these opening credits are an homage to everything that’s happened in the series thus far. I’ll illustrate as we go along.

As far as TD goes, most people’s first question was whether Beth’s flash is still in these opening credits. The answer is no. Not as far as we can tell, and lots of us have gone frame by frame looking for it. I’m taking that as a good sign for this season. Think of it this way: that flash has been present in the credits since S5, when she first disappeared. It’s been present in every season since, and she hasn’t shown up in any of them. Almost to remind us of her or tell us she’s still coming. This season, it’s gone. I feel like that means she’ll finally arrive, so the flash is no longer needed.

So, we start with black birds on a white background.

We don’t necessarily see white birds, but the black and white theme is definitely present. And remember that we recently saw some very important black birds in Fear as well.

The camera pans back and we see the tree. This is the same tree from 8x16 with the plate glass pane with the Celtic cross/knot on it.

To be honest, I’m glad to see this in the opening credits. We all had so many theories about these panes of stained glass, and they didn’t give us much to go on in terms of interpretation in 8x16. Obviously, these are still in play.

Also, you’ll understand this more as I go along, but there are a lot of homages to dead characters in this tree and all throughout the opening credits. It makes me think that maybe this tree wasn’t JUST about Carl and Rick or JUST about AOW, but rather, because 8x16 was the end of the huge S4-S8 arc, it was meant to be a funeral to all the characters we lost during those seasons, during this arc. The opening credits do point to that.

Let’s be more specific. In this tree, we see Rick’s ax, Abraham’s dog tags, and even the Governor’s eye patch. We also see a bird eating something red. It’s honestly impossible to tell exactly what it is. Maybe a berry. More likely a hunk of flesh. Because this is TD and these birds are carrion/scavengers. So about the only thing we can say for sure about this is that it’s a RED OBJECT. And as @frangipanilove so aptly explained HERE, red objects = red Easter Eggs = resurrection.

Then something interesting happens. The tree explodes with greenery, and all the birds take flight. Obviously we’ve always equated the color green with Beth Greene, but also keep in mind that, because these birds are scavengers, they represent death. Green always represents life, and the life banishes the death. In short y’all, this is a resurrection symbol. Life overcoming death. And there’s a red Easter egg in it. Just saying.

It’s also interesting to note that this is very similar to the title card used for Lauren Cohan in S2/S3:

The camera pans back to this picture of a pitchfork in a skull. We see Daryl’s bow and three arrows on (our) left and Carol’s knuckleduster knife on the right. I feel like this represents season 2. This was when Daryl and Carol first bonded over Sophia’s death, which could be represented by the skull. And the pitch fork reminds us of Hershel’s farm.

Daryl’s arrows are interesting too. There are three of them (Rule of Threes) and two of the create an X (X Theory). But it also reminds me of Norman’s old title card from S2/S3. Granted, there are only two arrows in that old card, but it still reminds me of it.

We also see the helicopter fly over at this point. The helicopters were most prevalent so far in S1 (outside Rick’s hospital), S3 (when Merle returned), and S4 (on top of the Big Spot in 4x01).

We pan back some more and we see two horses with riders. I think this is supposed to be Rick and Michonne. One is a man and one is a woman, and they look like they could be silhouettes of Richonne.

My first thought was that this was reminiscent of them meeting in S3. But of course we didn’t see Michonne on a horse until S4 (another callback to 4x01).

More evidence for this being Richonne is that when the camera pans further back, we see Michonne’s katana. Then, we see Carl’s grave on the right. You can tell it’s his grave because Rick’s gun is hung from the cross grave marker. So I think this represents the entire Rick/Michonne/Carl dynamic in general. Their entire history, ending most recently in Carl’s death.

And while it’s true that we’ve always equated the black/white horse theme with Bethyl (it really looks to me like the woman/horse on the right is white, while the man/horse on the left is black) it really doesn’t bother me that this might be a representation of Richonne. Why? Because I think they’re about to repeat Bethyl’s arc this season with Rick leaving. Rick will “Die.” Michonne will mourn him and be sad for several seasons, etc. It’s just a fulfillment of everything they foreshadowed in 7x12.

On the left, we see Glenn’s grave as well. You can tell because Hershel’s watch is hanging on it. More history and evidence that this is a tribute to the fallen of TF.

Then we see a walker standing at a break in the brick wall. A few things this is reminiscent of. It reminds me of S3 when Sasha and Ty came into the prison. Also of Shirewilt (Noah’s home) which had similar holes in the outer, brick walls. And many people in my group were reminded of the dark tunnel in the previous title sequence that Emily, Chad Coleman, Sonequa Martin-Green and Michael Cudlitz’s names all hung out in at some point.

It also reminds me a little bit of Conquer. Not because of a visual parallel but because it obviously represents walkers getting inside the walls, which is what Rick’s entire speech at the end of 5x16 was about. Perhaps we’ll see a fulfillment of that speech here?

We also see a sheriff’s hat on the gate next to this walker, which is interesting.

Next we see Lucille and Rick’s Colt laying side by side in the grass, outside what looks like Alexandria’s walls. The words, “Final warning” are written on the gate. Not sure what to make of that phrase yet, but perhaps we’ll understand as the season progresses. To me, this shot obviously represents the fight between Rick and Negan. The two of them being pitted against one another.

Here’s a darker one where you can see the “Final Warning” on the wall:

Then we’re suddenly inside the walls. And this does look like the inside of Alexandria to me. I emphasize that because of what we see here. The focus, of course, is on Daryl’s bike. But look closely, guys, because this is huge. The geniuses in my group picked up something I didn’t. Look at the handle bars of this bike. They’re long, deep, and Y-shaped. This is not Daryl’s current bike. It’s the one he had in S1-4 and left behind at the prison.

Digest that for a minute. We’re seeing Daryl’s OLD bike INSIDE Alexandria.

I made the comment to my group that wouldn’t it be amazing if Beth, at some point, went back to the prison and got Daryl’s old bike and showed up on it? I mean, as far as we know, there’s nothing wrong with it. It just got left behind.

Now, we’ve never been told that Beth knows how to ride a motorcycle, but a girl can have head canons, right? Maybe even one where she almost crashes 27 times and chuckles to herself about how horrified Daryl would be at her biking skills? Hehe.

Okay, I’ll be the first to admit I’m probably being too literal about this. The bike is PROBABLY purely symbolic. After all, it was left behind by Daryl and never seen or spoken of again. Kinda like Beth. (Remember my super-ancient Bike/Dog/Kidnapping theories?). So I’m thinking this bike may be symbolically indicative of Beth’s arrival at Alexandria. But if she showed up on his bike, wearing his poncho, you gotta admit that’d be pretty damn cool.

Oh, but that is not all we have to say about this shot, my friends. There’s SO much more. Because what do have next the bike, between the bike and the barns, actually? But the Red. Freaking. Machete.

(Yes, I posted the shot twice so you could see it again.)

Now, in terms of being a callback to S4, it makes sense. The red machete was first acquired from Joe Claimer not long after the prison went down and Daryl left his bike behind. So, okay. It works. But we recently had The Red Machete mini series and have tied it (because of the Claimed trading card) to Bethyl. And strawberries. And the current season.

At the very least, this shows the red machete is still in play. And where did we last see it? In the hands of the mysterious individual known only as Legs. So what I’m saying is that this tells me that Legs will figure in S9 somehow.

And let’s be honest: most of us believe Legs is Beth. The Red Machete represents Rick, of course, but given that Beth will be the “new sheriff in town” and all the callbacks to her arc that we saw in the RM mini-series, I think the red machete represents the role of “Sheriff” on the show. So it represents the transition from Rick to Beth. Rick going out, Beth coming in.

And this shot in the opening credits supports that. Because the only other thing in this shot is a barn. Very reminiscent of Hershel’s barn from S2. So we have a reference to the Greene family (the barn) and a reference to Daryl (the bike) and between them is the Red Machete (the transition from Rick to Beth).

Moving on. We see the barn being built up, which obviously suggests the rebuilding of the world, society, etc. We already know that’s a big theme this season. I do notice that there are holes in the roof at first, and then they’re filled as the barn is built up. That’s kind of interesting. If you need a refresh, read my Hole in the Roof Theory and @frangipanilove’s recent update to it. If the holes represent Beth’s death and Daryl’s loss of her, then seeing them filled could represent that those holes are about to be filled. And we all know there’s really only one way to do that.

We also see a noose on the barn. My first thought was that it was another callback to S2, because originally the group was going to hang Randall, but decided not to. Then the people in my group also pointed out that it’s probably indicative of Gregory’s fate. If you’ve read the CBs or any spoilers, you know what I mean. I’ll leave it at that. I have some thoughts about the juxtaposition of those two things, but I don’t want to be spoilery in this post, so I’ll leave that (probably a rabbit hole anyway) for another day.

Then we see the windmill and more birds. Obviously windmills will be big this season.

Then we see the eye of a walker and the camera pans out from it’s eye.

@boltthrutheheart pointed out that the premiere of S3, 3x01, started this way. It focused on a walker’s eye and then panned out. So kind of a throwback to S3, but I’m not sure what the purpose of it is yet.

So then, for the first time in the credit’s sequence, the camera spins around. I said at the beginning, it continually pans backward, right? Well, here, it flips around as if to look at all things we just saw and left behind. So this walker is actually facing/staggering toward everything we just saw. Just kind of interesting.

And I gotta say, this shot at the end of these opening credits:

Reminds me a lot of this promo shot from S2:

Which is not only a famous Rick promo (end mirroring beginning) but it was a promo from S2, when Beth was introduced. Just saying.

And finally, we get the new TWD logo with all the greenery, which has already been extensively discussed.

So yeah, that’s what I got, folks. See why I think it’s a tribute to everything that’s come before? Plenty of Easter eggs. Plenty of homages to deceased characters. Plenty of promise for what’s to come

Thoughts?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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localvillagecat · 6 years

Note

prompt: gunshot wound - alec lightwood

Thank for the prompt, twas fun to write (until i accidentally deleted it all and had to start over whoops) i think i did alright for my second ever posted fic, but we’ll see ig. it’s a bit short but i think i’m gonna do a part 2 for magnus and parting words regret. Also sorry if the way it’s laid out is a bit janky, it transferred over to tumblr weird. I might start posting them on AO3 instead.

Get your own card here: @badthingshappenbingo

Count: 1.1k

Pairing: Malec (a bit)

Character: Alec

Prompt: Gunshot wound

Title: the decent to hell is easy

Shadowhunters don’t fear guns. Most don’t, at least. Clary may be an exception, growing up mundane and all. It’s just a matter of what’s more likely to kill you. For mundanes, guns are pretty high up on the list, so their fear is subsequently larger. But for shadowhunters there’s demons and circle members trying to kill you, so once you take that into account the likeliness that your death will be at the mercy of a gun is unlikely. So no one thinks about it. Alec didn’t think about it.

It was supposed to be a usual, maybe even uneventful, mission. The institute has reason to believe that a certain warehouse may be a meeting place for some circle members. It’s not very concrete though, so the chance of actually finding said circle members is little. In fact, finding some type of demon instead might be even more likely. But it’s still too high of a chance to risk not going, so Alec accepts the mission and assigns Clary to go with him. As hard as it is to deal with her, Alec knows she can get the job done. Plus she can’t read him as well as his siblings, and he can’t deal with them pushing him on why he’s upset. And yea, he’s upset.

Alec and Magnus had gotten into a fight. They don’t get into them often, but when they do it’s bad. Existentially, earth-shakingly bad. It started with Alec being too reckless which moved to Magnus being immortal which moved to Magnus’s ex’s which moved to yelling and anger and hurt and then leaving. Alec had left, walked out, discussion/yelling match unfinished. He had avoided Jace and Izzy all day. Alec can be a very hard person to read, but he knew his siblings would be able to tell something was wrong. And he didn’t want to deal with that, not now at least. He would do this mission then sleep and figure it out with Magnus in the morning. So, with that, he put on his thigh holster, grabbed his bow and arrow, and headed out with Clary for the mission.

Clary doesn’t shut up until they reach the warehouse. Something about Simon maybe, but Alec isn’t paying attention. He feels a bit bad, but he just can’t put up with it today. She quiets though, once they reach the warehouse, and it’s understandable why. Something is… off. It’s normal. Completely and eerily normal. They glance at each other before Alec creaks open the metal back exit door just enough to see inside, both of them clutching their steles. Inside there’s noise, people talking. It’s a meeting. The warehouse space is awful for fighting, long-range weapons especially. It’s almost completely empty and there’s no upper level to give them the high ground. All they can do is see how many circle members there are and rush them or call for help. Alec leans back from the door, turning to Clary.

“I can see four. Once I shoot one with my bow we’ll head in and attack the other three. I’ll shoot for the leg so we can at least take that one back to the clave.” He whispers. Clary nods, getting out her daggers. Alec opens up the door a bit more, enough so Clary can see too, and gets ready to take his shot at one with a red beanie. He calms his nerves, readying himself to the ambush. 3, 2, 1. Once the arrow hit its target in the left knee, they both sprinted for the fight. But nearly five steps in and they both slowed down. All four of the men were yelling. One was running away, the other tending the guy hit with the arrow. The last one had a gun. They were mundanes. Fuck.

“WHO THE FU-” The one with the gun started to yell, but stopped when both started to turn to run. It was too late.

Guns are loud. Louder than you expect them to be. Shadowhunters are used to quiet deaths. The sad slice of a blade, the slow poison of venom. Everything about this was wrong. Alec was with the wrong person in the wrong place. He made the wrong call. He made the wrong choices. He chose to go on the mission, he chose to take Clary instead of letting his siblings help him, and then, because he was too caught up in what happened with Magnus, he forgot to use a glamour. And then he assumed that the mundane drug dealers were circle members. He fucked up. And now he’s behind the warehouse, bleeding out from his side. The man who shot him is looking around next to them frantically, but Clary must have glamoured them by now. She was talking to him, but her voice was fuzzy and distant.

“Hang in there, ok? Come on, come on…” She begged, crying.

“I-I’m o-” Alec started. His breathing was rigid, his skin turning paler by the second.

“STOP! Save your strength, oh my angel…” She interrupted, closing her eyes to focus. A few seconds later she let go of where she was compressing the wound to make a portal. The which he was quickly dragged through.

Alec was started to lose it. He was no longer sure of what was happening, there was just a lot of noise and light. So much noise. His body felt numb as it was tossed and poked. He was dying. It was so unexpected, so random, so useless. Alec always thought he would die saving somebody, or fighting in a war. But this death… This death was useless. Pathetic. Born of stupid and selfish mistakes. If he had just let his siblings help him, maybe he would’ve remembered to put on his glamour. Or, even before that, if he had just accepted the fact that Magnus was immortal and he wasn’t then maybe none of this would’ve happened. He doesn’t want to go out knowing his last words to Magnus was some sort of slur in anger. A slammed door. He doesn’t want to go out knowing he avoided his siblings the day before. What was that last thing he said to them… Does he even know? It’s blurring, everything blurring. Everything is flashes of memories.

A three-year-old Izzy crying, Alec vowing to protect her. And now she’ll be on her own… no- Jace asking Alec to be parabatai, Alec practicing the vow for hours and hours. Losing a parabatai… A fate worse than death, I can’t leave hi- Magnus interrupting his wedding, Alec having the strength to finally live his own life. Magnus… Magnus, Magnus, Magnus. The noise is starting to fade, and slowly the light follows. It’s getting darker and darker. He tries to say things, but can’t figure out if he’s really saying them or just thinking them. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I love you, I love you. Isabelle… Jace… Magnus…

Descensus Averno facilis est. The descent into hell is easy.

#badthingshappenbingo #shadowhunters #malec #alec lightwood #malec fic #my fics #my writing #shadowhunters fic #sorry if this is bad lol #mine #sarah answers

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mubal4 · 3 years

Photo

RFP Podcast Episode #247 – Ultra Dad Session #55: “Comfort is overrated.”

We tried to pull a joint Ultra Dad podcast together this week but impromptu soccer tournaments and more wrestling on the schedule tied us up. Much love and apologies and our hope is that calendars will crack a bit in the coming weeks to hear both of us again! Soon 😊. For today, it is just Mike and I guess we can say this may be another bit of a book review like last time around. The title of today’s episode is another quote, this one from Dean Karnazes’ book A Runners High. This book had some special meaning to me, and I wanted to share some of the more moving quotes, listed below, and what we will talk about in today’s episode.

- “I don’t run to live longer I run to live fuller.” ……” It may be killing me, but it is on my terms, I am doing what I love, there is no finer meaning to be found in life.”

- “How do you respond when the tide turns against you?” …….” without war we do not know if we are cowards or heroes.”

- “It’s a cleansing of the soul.”

- “Life is cruel, wonderful, unfair, miraculous, and unbearable. It is all these things at once but what mattered most is that we are together, that we stick through it all. We are doing our best we could with the cards we are dealt, but always together, faithful forever. Nothing matters more.”

Just some coffee and water for today’s recording, early morning out here in AZ 😊.

The RFP Ultra Dad’s Podcast is sponsored by Time on the Trails – delivering you a customized experience out on the trails in Arizona and beyond. Please visit us at www.tottaz.com and on social media via IG, FB, TW & LI.

Keep an eye on the Ultra Dad’s Instagram account @ #ultra_dads.

You can view the live recording of today’s episode on our YouTube Channel Here!

Listen on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/relentless-forward-progress-with-mike-ubaldini/id1305969863?i=1000551903670

Listen to the most recent episode of my podcast: RFP Podcast Episode #247 – Ultra Dad Session #55: “Comfort is overrated.”

How’d we get here?

The Ultra Dad’s Podcast came from an idea Cindy Shane created. Well, she planted the idea in our head after listening to the first time Bryan was on the RFP Podcast in May 2020. There have many times over the years when we speak on the phone or in person the “we should be recording this” line comes out. Well, here we are jumping in with both feet, like we tend to do, sharing with you our perspectives on life. Let’s be candid – we are not perfect, and we fail often. Our favorite term to use is “it’s not ideal” and there have been countless times we’ve uttered, “a plan is great until you are punched in the face;” – but we do laugh a lot, at ourselves and/or each other mostly 😊. All that said, there are those brief moments where things tend to fall into place and we, somehow, make it to that finish line – as ultrarunners yes, but most importantly has husbands, fathers, friends, and human beings. We wanted to share those imperfections and those incredible moments that we’ve been fortunate enough to experience together over the last 30+ years. So, sit back, grab a cold one, and hopefully this will be another time where things fall into place.

Bryan & Mike

#ultradads LFRF comfortisoverrated movingforwardtogether donteverstop RFP

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almostafantasia · 7 years

Text

tenderly, tragically, beautifully

Summary: In which bad things happen to the people who deserve them the least and Lexa learns that although cancer can be treated, the scars it leaves behind take much longer to heal.

Read on AO3.

Trigger warning: Clarke has cancer in this fic but it’s non-terminal and she doesn’t die. There’s a fair amount of angst though.

She feels as though every pair of eyes is watching her from the moment that she steps through the school gates. Which is just paranoia at its absolute finest because the reality is that not a single person is actually looking at her, but with the very obvious way in which the other kids are deliberately trying not to stare at her as she walks up to the red brick school building, Clarke might as well have a giant flashing sign above her head.

A giant flashing sign reading this kid has cancer, with a vertical neon arrow pointing down at her.

Clarke knows that they all know. Even if Raven hadn’t already filled her in on everything that happened while she was in the hospital, this is high school so gossip spreads faster than a race car speeding around an asphalt track.

“Yo.”

Raven makes an unnecessarily loud entrance, clattering into the row of lockers beside Clarke’s and dropping her shoulder bag to the floor with an unceremonious thud. It catches the attention of those nearby, but upon realising that Clarke is there, those heads quickly turn away for fear of being caught staring.

“Everyone’s treating me like I’ve got a deadly virus. It’s cancer, it’s not contagious!”

She raises her voice with this last bit, startling the group of freshman boys who cross to the other side of the corridor in order to give Clarke a wide berth as they pass.

“Clarke,” Raven hisses, resting a comforting hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

“I’ve been here for two minutes and I already wish I was back in that stupid hospital,” Clarke complains through clenched teeth, taking a heavy textbook out of her bag and throwing it into her locker with slightly more force than actually necessary.

“They probably all heard the word ‘cancer’ and assume that you’re on your deathbed,” muses Raven.

“I’m not.”

“I know,” Raven agrees, as she reaches out to give Clarke’s fingers a reassuring squeeze with her own. “You’re going to be fine, you’ve just got a few shitty cells in your body.”

“John Murphy’s got more shitty cells in his body,” Clarke comments, as the shaggy-haired boy saunters past the two girls with his hands buried deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, giving Clarke the side-eye as he passes.

“Well unlike Murphy, your shitty cells are going to be killed by the chemo. He’s stuck with his for life.”

Clarke appreciates what Raven is trying to do, but that doesn’t mean that it works. As grateful as she is for her best friend’s insistence that she’s going to survive this new obstacle in her life, it doesn’t really detract from the fact that she has months of having her body pumped full of chemicals to get through first.

“Raven…”

“What? I’m just letting you know that I’m sticking by you no matter what.” With a wicked smile, Raven adds, “I’ll always be your best friend, even when you go bald.”

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” Clarke whines, shutting her locker and turning around to lean against it dramatically.

“You finish treatment just before Thanksgiving, right?”

“Yes,” Clarke nods, wondering in which unpredictable direction Raven’s train of thought is heading this time.

“So you’ll be rocking the cutest pixie cut in town by Christmas.”

Clarke lets herself imagine it for just a second. She hasn’t had her hair shorter than shoulder length since a disastrously bad haircut at the age of ten, but when she pictures herself with much shorter hair, barely long enough to curl ever so slightly around her ears and the top of her neck, she smiles slightly. Mostly at the realisation that with virtually no hair to have to deal with each morning before school, she’ll be able to get out of bed a whole fifteen minutes later than usual, but also at the thought that with minimal effort and a bit of strategically placed styling cream, she can probably make herself look hot as fuck.

“Thanks Raven,” Clarke smile gratefully.

But Raven’s brain is always moving way faster than Clarke is able to keep up with and she’s already onto the next thing.

“Hey, do you think the chemo is going to give you superpowers? Wouldn’t it be awesome if you got x-ray vision or invisibility or something even cooler?”

“Raven…”

Class is weird. Raven walks her to the door of her classroom like a mother dropping her young child off for the first day of kindergarten, and when Raven departs with a final wave over her shoulder, Clarke feels exactly like that scared five year old, out of her depth in a world that seems far too big for her.

It’s pretty much exactly the same routine in the classroom as it was out in the school corridors, except that now, in this more confined space, Clarke can’t really do much to pretend she hasn’t noticed how everybody is behaving around her. Each pair of eyes fall onto her as she passes, then glance away when they realise who has just walked by.

And then the hushed muttering starts. Clarke’s classmates must be seriously misinformed about the symptoms of cancer if they think that she isn’t able to hear the whispering as she makes her way to her usual seat on the far side of the classroom.

As the clock on the wall just above the teacher’s desk slowly ticks away towards the start of another day at school, the desk next to Clarke remains empty. Finn Collins, the desk’s former occupant, who Clarke is ninety-five percent certain was flirting with her in the few weeks leading up to the discovery of the tumour in her back, has moved to a previously empty seat in the back row next to Atom. It’s too much of a coincidence for Clarke to blame this on anything but the cancer. Who would want to flirt with her when there are plenty of other much prettier, much healthier girls in the school to flirt with, all of whom are still going to have a full head of hair in a few months’ time?

“Hey.”

Ten minutes into her first day back at school and already so used to being treated like a bomb that is waiting to go off, Clarke actually startles in her seat a little bit when the girl in the seat in front of her turns around to say hello.

“Oh, hi Lexa!”

Lexa Woods was Clarke’s elementary school best friend until the two of them slowly drifted apart as they grew up and their interests changed. Not to say that they no longer get along, but that they move in different circles now, with nothing more than a polite smile if they pass in the school corridors.

Until now.

“This is for you.”

Clarke’s eyes widen in surprise, then her entire face twists into a confused frown as Lexa places a thick ring-binder down on Clarke’s desk, upon which lies an envelope.

“Um, thanks,” Clarke replies tentatively, picking up the envelope and sliding her finger into the small gap at the edge to tear it open and remove its contents.

It’s just a card, white with pastel coloured butterflies surrounding the embossed words ‘thinking of you’ in a pretty cursive font. Surprised, Clarke flips it open to read the message inside.

Dear Clarke,

Wishing you all the best over the coming months for a speedy recovery.

Lots of love, Lexa xx

It’s pretty much exactly the same as the twenty other cards she has at home from various relatives and friends of the family, empty words that don’t really detract from the potentially life-threatening illness that resides in her body, but it somehow means so much more coming from Lexa than from anybody else. Coming from Lexa, who could quite easily have done exactly the same as Finn and everybody else in this godforsaken school and blatantly avoided having to go anywhere near the girl with cancer.

“And this is everything that you missed while you were in hospital,” Lexa continues, opening the folder to display the thick wad of handwritten notes inside, neatly colour-coded and underlined and separated into subjects by labelled dividers.

“Lexa, what the…?”

“You missed two weeks of school and you must be really behind in all your classes so I wrote out my notes again so that you could have a copy,” Lexa explains hurriedly, a pink flush rising to sit on her sharp cheekbones. “If there’s anything you don’t understand when you read through it, I’d be more than happy to go over it with you.”

“Lexa,” Clarke sighs, feeling a rush of affection for her former best friend as she flicks through page after page of Lexa’s impeccable handwriting, laid out under clear capitalised titles and broken up with nearly drawn diagrams and tables. “You shouldn’t have.”

“It was good revision for me,” Lexa shrugs, as if the gesture is insignificant.

“Wait,” frowns Clarke, as she reaches one of the coloured dividers and enters a different subject, “do you even take Chemistry?”

“No, but I know Monty through the debate club so I borrowed his notes and copied them out,” Lexa answers. “They might not make much sense because I didn’t understand a lot of it but I’m sure that Monty would be able to explain it if you need help…”

“Lexa, this must have taken you hours…”

“Yeah, well you’ve got cancer, it’s the least I can do to help.”

The word hits Clarke like a fist in the gut. It’s been two weeks since the diagnosis, two weeks where Clarke’s mind has been consumed with nothing but that one singular word going around and around in her mind until she’s half crazy. But Clarke realises that maybe the problem is that the word has only been in her head since the diagnosis – nobody around her has been brave enough to say the word aloud since the doctor who gave her the bad news two weeks ago. Even her mother, a doctor herself, skirts around the word at home, as if saying it out loud makes the whole situation far too real to comprehend.

It’s just a word, it shouldn’t hurt so much.

Except that it’s not just a word anymore, it’s a way of life. It’s chemicals being pumped into her body, and being ignored by even those who used to flirt with her, and the inescapable unsettling worry that despite the assurances of the oncology nurse, maybe she isn’t going to make it to the other end of this ordeal with her life.

“Sorry, did I say something wrong?” Lexa’s voice pulls Clarke out of her thoughts with a lurch, and she shakes her head to focus herself back in the real world.

“No, it’s just…” Clarke tries to explain, her voice just a croak as she tries to push past the lump that forms in her throat. “It’s still quite new to me.” Trying to articulate aloud for the first time, Clarke continues, “It’s weird because it’s all I think about but it still takes me by surprise sometimes. I’m so used to everybody skating around it like they want to pretend that it’s not happening, so it surprised me how forward you were.”

“Sorry,” Lexa mumbles, bowing her head apologetically. “I shouldn’t have…”

Reaching out a hand to touch Lexa’s shoulder in reassurance, Clarke says, “Lexa, it’s fine, I…”

But she doesn’t get the chance to finish. The classroom door clatters open as the teacher enters to start the lesson, and within an instant Lexa is facing the front once more with wide, attentive eyes.

The teacher’s eyes scan the classroom as his voice fills the room to get their attention, but he stumbles mid-sentence when he spots Clarke in their midst. There’s a moment that feels like an eternity, a moment in which Clarke knows the teacher is trying to decide whether to acknowledge Clarke’s return to his class, a moment in which Clarke wants nothing more than to melt into the hard plastic chair as if she has never even been here at all, but then it passes, and the class continues as if nothing has happened.

As if Clarke doesn’t have cancer.

But she does.

“Lexa,” Clarke hisses, when the teacher turns his attention to the computer and pulls up a powerpoint presentation for the lesson. Lexa turns around to frown inquisitorially at Clarke, who forces the resentment out of her mind and the sadness from her eyes as she smiles gratefully at her former best friend. “Thanks for the notes.”

Lexa thinks about it a lot, probably way more than she should think about somebody who she so rarely speaks to these days, but it really plays on her mind. Why somebody so young, somebody with such a bright future, somebody with so much joy and happiness and vitality should get diagnosed with cancer when there are so many bad people in this world that it could happen to instead.

It sucks, and Lexa isn’t even the one with cancer.

She almost wishes that she was. And yes, she knows that’s a terrible thing to think and that she should be grateful for her own good health, but it’s the truth. If there was a medical procedure that could suck the illness from Clarke’s body and transfer it to her own, then that’s exactly what Lexa would do. Clarke has everything; a big friendship group full of nice people that nobody in their year group seems to dislike, good grades, good looks, and an aspiration to be a doctor. Lexa, meanwhile, feels as though she has nothing in comparison - only a few people that she would consider friends, two parents who somehow manage to straddle the line between loving her too much and not loving her enough, and an unhealthy dose of anxiety. It should be her that has the cancer, but instead there seems to be an unjust system of reverse karma in place, where bad things happen to good people.

There are bad people in the world, and there are good people. And then there is Clarke. Clarke, who is so good and pure that Lexa isn’t entirely convinced that she isn’t an actual angel reincarnated in human form. Clarke, who on the second day of kindergarten, helped a tearful and bruised Lexa back to her feet after being pushed to the ground by John Murphy, then declared them to be best friends for life, though only after kicking Murphy in the balls for hurting Lexa in the first place.

Nobody deserves to be diagnosed with cancer less than Clarke.

Lexa almost wonders if Clarke’s illness is karma punishing her. Perhaps fate is saying a massive fuck you to her, not to Clarke, by forcing her to stand by helplessly as the girl she loves suffers. Because there is absolutely no doubt that Lexa does love Clarke. She’s known it for about a year, though she’s probably loved her since the day that six year old Clarke offered out a hand to help Lexa get back to her feet.

But what hurts the most is knowing that there’s absolutely nothing she can do to help Clarke, nothing she can do but sit by and watch as Clarke’s health deteriorates and the side effects of chemotherapy kick in.

Lexa has never felt more helpless.

Lexa almost doesn’t recognise the girl who walks into class the following Thursday morning with bright pink hair. Nothing has changed other than the hair colour – she wears the same worn out jacket she’s owned since freshman year, the same slightly pitiful frown that’s been on her face since the diagnosis a couple of weeks ago – and yet the vibrant pink that frames Clarke’s face makes it seem like she’s an entirely different person from the girl with the beautiful golden tresses that Lexa has known for most of her life.

“Clarke!” Lexa gapes, as Clarke drops into the seat beside her, Lexa having moved back a row now that Finn Collins has taken up his new seat at the very back of the classroom. “I – wow!”

Though Lexa, quite deliberately so, does not ask for an explanation for Clarke’s sudden and drastic makeover, Clarke gives her one anyway, as if she feels like she has to justify her new fashion choice.

“I’ve always wanted to dye it,” she shrugs, reaching up with one hand to play with a single pink curl, “and I might not have hair for too much longer so it seemed like as good of a time as any to get it done.”

As Clarke glances away, a brief moment of sadness passing across her face as she does so, Lexa’s insides lurch unsettlingly at the thought of Clarke’s hair falling out against her will. She quickly remembers that Clarke will be taking the day off school tomorrow for the first of many chemotherapy treatments, which explains the unexpected change of hair colour mid-week, and just tries to imagine for a second how terrified Clarke must be at the prospect of going into hospital for such a daunting treatment.

Lexa flails silently for a moment, wondering what, if anything at all, she can say that might ease Clarke’s mind ahead of her hospital visit but nothing comes to mind that won’t do more harm than good. Lexa settles instead for saying something a little different.

“The pink really suits you.”

Eyes wide with surprise as she lifts her head to look up at Lexa, as if she hadn’t been expecting the compliment at all, Clarke softly mumbles, “Thanks,” before reverting back into a glum silence for the rest of class.

Clarke’s absence on Friday, despite her only sharing a couple of classes with Lexa, feels somewhat akin to Lexa having to spend the day without one of her arms. She’s a mess for pretty much the whole day, distracted with pondering thoughts of where Clarke is, of what the doctors will be doing to her, and of hoping that none of it is as bad as the scary word chemotherapy makes it all sound.

When she arrives home from school that afternoon, Lexa collapses on her bed with her phone in her hand, the screen unlocked and opened on a message conversation with Clarke, but she hesitates with her thumb hovering over the keyboard before she sends anything. Nothing that comes to mind quite seems right for the situation - casual well-wishes seem too impersonal and asking how the treatment went seems far too invasive and unsympathetic.

Lexa exits the conversation and locks the phone with a sigh, shaking her head in dissatisfaction. She wants to be there for Clarke, she really does, but there’s no class at school for how to be a good friend to somebody with cancer and it’s not really something that Lexa can do on intuition alone.

She decides, forty minutes later and after some assistance from her mom, on a simple Facebook post; an old photo of the two of them with their arms around each other and toothy grins on their faces at Clarke’s eighth birthday party, which she captions “Found this looking through some old stuff - partners in crime since kindergarten!” and then tags Clarke in it. Nothing fancy. It’s simple, it’s irrelevant, and it will hopefully let Clarke know that Lexa has been thinking about her all day.

She definitely doesn’t spend the next few minutes eagerly refreshing her new feed, waiting for a notification that lets her know that Clarke has seen the post.

It never comes.

She doesn’t know what she was expecting, if not a comment then perhaps at least a like, but each time the little red bubble pops up in Lexa’s notifications, it is with somebody else’s name and not Clarke’s. A selection of school friends like the post, both from their high school and old friends who knew the girls back around the time that the photo was taken. Some names are ones that Lexa doesn’t recognise, presumably friends of Clarke’s from elsewhere. Octavia Blake reacts to the post with a red heart that Lexa wishes came from Clarke instead.

The first comment is from Raven; “Double denim? Griffin, you were such a style icon!”

It hurts more than it should, two minutes later, when Lexa’s post remains unacknowledged but the little blue thumb icon appears underneath Raven’s comment with Clarke’s name next to it.

Clarke is back at school on Monday morning, almost as if she was never gone. There’s no indication that she missed a day of classes for the first of many life-saving medical treatments, no missing hair, no hospital gown or big sign around Clarke’s neck saying I had chemo. And Lexa curses herself for even thinking that things would be different.

(She decides that Clarke’s pale skin and tired eyes are just a figment of the imagination that is looking for something different in Clarke’s appearance.)

“Hey,” Lexa greets Clarke in their first class of the day. “How was the … uh, the treatment?”

Raising a single eyebrow at Lexa, Clarke replies, “You can call it chemo. That’s what it is.”

“Sorry,” apologises Lexa, feeling the mild burn along her cheekbones that is no doubt accompanied by a pinkening of the skin there. “I’m just new to all of this.”

She regrets the words the very second that they leave her mouth. The way that Clarke’s face falls, disappointment filling her blue eyes as her brow knits into a furrowed frown, is enough to inform Lexa that what she has just said was insensitive on every level.

“You’re new to this?” Clarke asks, her voice soft but laced with bitterness.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Lexa says dejectedly. “That was insensitive of me.”

Lexa is more disappointed in herself that she would care to admit. She’s spent more than a little bit of time this weekend on her laptop, googling questions like what to say to a friend with cancer and the overwhelming number one piece of advice she could find was to not make it about herself and how she feels about Clarke’s diagnosis. And yet, all that research is for nothing as she lets herself down within the first thirty seconds.

“It’s fine,” Clarke assures her, though Lexa can’t help but feel that this isn’t fine at all, nor will it ever be until Clarke’s treatment finishes and she gets the all clear in however many months’ time. “I get it, you want help but don’t know how. The best thing you can do is to just act normal.” Lexa nods along earnestly as Clarke reaches out a hand and rests it tenderly on Lexa’s forearm, before continuing. “And Lexa, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. You’re treating me like a human, not like a time bomb. That’s more than I can say for most of the rest of the assholes in this school.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexa attempts to apologise a final time, but the arrival of the teacher for the start of the lesson means that she isn’t given the chance to take her apology any further.

“By all means, come on in,” Clarke says to Raven, pushing open her bedroom door as she leads her best friend inside. “But fair warning, it looks and smells like a hospital.”

Clarke wrinkles her own nose as she steps into her bedroom, the nasty smell of cleaning product invading her nostrils. Her bedroom doesn’t really feel like home much at the moment, the various medications prescribed to her for combatting the side effects of chemo scattered haphazardly across all available surfaces in the room. The smell, despite her desperate pleas, comes from her mother’s insistence of giving the room a thorough disinfect almost every other day so that Clarke doesn’t catch anything while her immune system is reduced.

“Jesus Christ,” Raven blanches as she follows Clarke into the room, lifting her hand up to her face to cover her nose and mouth. “Do you not have any air freshener?”

“I’ve asked my mom to get me some,” Clarke answers. “She insists on keeping this place spotless. I’m already sick, a few germs isn’t going to do any harm.”

Raven’s hand reaches out to Clarke’s, her fingers clasping around Clarke’s wrist to get her full attention.

“Hey. No. Mama G is a medical professional, you listen to what she has to say, okay?”

“Jesus, Raven,” Clarke whines, dropping onto the bed with a plop that rumples the freshly washed sheets. “Are you my mom now?”

Raven launches herself belly first onto the mattress next to Clarke, propping her head up with one elbow as she sends a wicked smile in Clarke’s direction.

“Shut up,” says Raven, rolling over onto her back, where she steals half of the pillows and cushions that decorate Clarke’s double bed and sets them up against the headboard behind her. “Are we gonna watch a movie or what? It’s so awesome that you’ve finally got a TV in your room.”

Shrugging and reaching for the remote control that sits on top of a pile of untouched pamphlets from the hospital, Clarke points it at the brand new television that sits on top of the dresser against the opposite wall and says, “Cancer perks.”

The end of the school year and the start of the summer break between Clarke’s junior and senior years of high school comes around two weeks later, shortly after her second chemotherapy appointment, and Clarke has never been more grateful to have a couple of months off school.

She can already feel some of the changes in her body – most notable is just how lethargic she’s starting to feel. Clarke has always been the number one advocate for power naps but since starting the treatment, she’s found herself passing out pretty much everywhere, including in class, though two hours of calculus on a Monday morning is probably enough to send anybody to sleep.

The other thing is her hair. It hasn’t started to fall out yet, not properly, but Clarke has started to notice a bit of thinning. Each pull of her hairbrush through the newly-dyed pink hair tugs strands out from her scalp that get caught around the bristles of the brush and when she showers, there is slightly more hair than usual to pull out of the drain at the end. It isn’t noticeable in the mirror yet, but Clarke knows that the worst part – when actual clumps of her hair start falling out in uneven patches across her scalp – is almost imminent, and she’s grateful that she won’t have to go to school during this in-between stage.

Lexa is thankful for the arrival of the summer break. Junior year has been a lot of work and she knows that her final year at high school will be even more tiring. As much as she’s looking forward to throwing herself headfirst into another year of challenging schoolwork and college applications, the two months she has before that to mentally and physically rest is exactly what she needs right now.

And yet, three days after the last day of school, she finds herself already missing the crowded corridors and the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

Well, maybe not those, per se.

She finds herself missing Clarke.

Their friendship is by no means rekindled to the level that it was at before they started drifting apart in middle school, but Lexa likes to think that they’ve reached the point once more where they can text each other and make social plans without it being weird.

Clarke, on the other hand, seems to disagree.

Lexa Are you free today? We could catch a movie or get lunch if you like! Or something else, I’m open to suggestions.

Clarke I’m pretty tired actually. Think I’m just gonna stay at home.

Not yet disheartened, Lexa is already prepared with another suggestion that might suit Clarke a little better.

Lexa I could come over and we could watch something at yours?

Clarke I think I just want to sleep tbh

Lexa tries to think of something to say, anything to let Clarke know that she’s always going to be welcome to hang out with Lexa later, but everything she tries typing out just falls flat. She doesn’t want to seem needy, doesn’t want to force Clarke to exert herself any more than she’s physically capable of doing right now, doesn’t want to make Clarke feel guilty for the way that the side effects of the chemotherapy are inhibiting their social interactions.

She just wants Clarke to know that she isn’t alone.

Lexa No problem!

Clarke stands in front of the mirror and adjusts the beanie on her head for what is probably the hundredth time in the last ten minutes.

“You look good,” Raven says. “Don’t worry about it.”

Except that Clarke is worried. Because Octavia is throwing a party tonight and Clarke has been coerced (by Octavia, by Raven, even by her own mother) into attending and it’s the first time she’s left the house for anything other than a hospital visit in the three weeks since school finished. And the first time in almost as long that Clarke has worn anything except for pyjamas.

Not to mention the fact that it’s the debut of her new hairstyle. If you can even call a patchy buzzcut a hairstyle. Hence the beanie.

“Are you sure people aren’t going to notice?” asks Clarke, turning to look at Raven, who is sprawled across Clarke’s bed, playing on her phone as Clarke gets ready.

Pushing herself up into a seated position, Raven grins up at Clarke and answers, “The only thing people are going to notice is how hot you look. Because damn girl.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“I’m not,” Raven insists, shaking her head. “Everybody is going to wish they were you.”

Clarke arches an eyebrow, because she’s pretty certain that there is not a single person in the world who would want to be a kid with cancer.

Raven doesn’t miss the look that Clarke shoots her and she jumps up to her feet, crossing the room to stand beside Clarke as they both look at Clarke’s reflection in the mirror.

“You’re hot,” Raven tells Clarke again. “The colours really suit you, your tits look great in that shirt, and you’re totally rocking that beanie. Fuck the cancer, you’re awesome!”

And for just a moment, Clarke believes it.

Parties aren’t always Lexa’s thing. She not a huge drinker, nor does she like big crowds of people, not to mention the fact that she doesn’t fall into the right social circles to get invited to most of the parties thrown by the kids in her year at school.

But for some reason Octavia Blake, who has never taken the time to talk to Lexa much off the soccer pitch that they share during training for the women’s varsity team, personally insisted that Lexa just had to come along to the party that she’s throwing tonight.

It’s not Lexa’s scene at all. Music thumps from two loudspeakers positioned on either side of the living room, questionable drinks are being poured into cups from a large keg being manned by Octavia’s college-aged brother, and sweaty bodies are crammed into every corner of the Blakes’ small house. But Lexa doesn’t get invited to parties often and she’s determined to at least try to enjoy this one.

(Her attendance has absolutely nothing to do with the possibility that tonight might be the first time she sees Clarke since school finished for the summer. Nothing.)

There’s a big shout from the already quite tipsy Octavia when Raven arrives at the party, and Lexa’s eyes desperately squint towards the door for Clarke.

And there she is.

Oh boy.

Lexa doesn’t know if it’s the jungle juice catching up with her or if the sight of Clarke entering the room behind Raven is really that mesmerising, but her head starts to swim a little bit. Clarke looks a little thinner than before, a little more tired, but Lexa hardly notices that because Clarke is still just as beautiful as ever. There’s a dark gray beanie pulled over her head, hiding her hair (or lack of it, as Lexa quickly realises may be the case), but it just emphasises everything else. The sharp plane of Clarke’s jaw. The blue in Clarke’s haggard eyes. The dip of the neckline on Clarke’s rather revealing tank top.

Jesus Christ, when did Lexa become so fucking gay.

Lexa’s heart is racing, and the only thing that stops her from passing out, or from locking herself in a quiet and soundproof room for the duration of the party, is that Clarke has an expression on her face that matches the same startled-slash-terrified feeling that Lexa has too.

And so Lexa pushes her own anxiety aside and makes it her main aim to make Clarke feel as comfortable as possible in this scary new environment. Lexa takes a sip from her drink for courage, then plasters a smile on her face as she pushes through the crowd to cross the room and welcome Clarke.

“Clarke!” Lexa beams, her smile genuine as she throws her arms around Clarke’s neck in a greeting. “I didn’t know if you’d be here tonight.”

Lexa didn’t know, but she hoped.

“Yeah, Raven came to my house and basically dragged me out of bed,” Clarke shrugs. “Also, my mom threatened to cut off the wifi at home if I didn’t leave the house. She’s worried I’m becoming a recluse. I swear parents are supposed to worry about kids going to wild parties and getting involved in underage drinking and sex, but apparently when you get cancer they actively encourage it.”

“Then why are you complaining?” Lexa teases Clarke. She gestures towards the kitchen, then asks, “Do you want something to drink?”

Clarke squints at the plastic cup in Lexa’s hand, inspecting its contents with a wary gaze, before she answers, “Sure. Why not?”

Clarke’s hand seeks her own so that they don’t get separated as they slowly navigate their way through the mass of drunk teenagers, and Lexa tries to ignore the erratic pounding of her heart in her chest and the feeling of Clarke’s warm palm against her own. It’s stupid to get so worked up about such meaningless platonic intimacy, but this is Clarke, who gets Lexa’s pulse racing by just looking at her. Lexa knows that being with Clarke in that way is beyond her wildest dreams, but even an act as simple as having Clarke’s hand squeezing her own as she leads Lexa towards the kitchen, is more than Lexa thinks she deserves.

“Are you having another?” Clarke asks, when they make it to the keg where Bellamy is pouring his homemade concoction into plastic cups and distributing it to the teenagers that surround him.

Lexa glances down at the cup in her hand and takes a moment to think, before knocking bag the dregs at the bottom and nodding as she passes it across to Bellamy for a refill.

“So,” says Clarke, when they both have their drinks, leading the way out of the kitchen and through the glass doors into the back yard, where the music is quieter and the air much cooler than the warmth indoors that feels heavy with the scent of cheap alcohol and teenage sweat. “You seemed surprised to see me here tonight, but I’ve never seen you at a party before.”

“Yeah, parties aren’t usually my thing.”

They reach the far side of the yard, where a rusty swing set stands under the branches of a tall oak tree, and Clarke sits on the seat, looping one of her arms around the chain to keep herself steady, while Lexa stands nearby.

“What’s different about tonight?” asks Clarke.

“Octavia was very persuasive,” replies Lexa. She takes a quick swig of her drink for courage, and then continues, “And I was hoping you’d be here. I wanted to see you. To know that you’re doing okay.”

The cover of the darkness, lit only by the crescent moon ad a few twinkling stars in the sky, does a good job of hiding the blush that rises to Lexa’s cheeks when she confesses that seeing Clarke was a motivator for pushing herself beyond her usual comfort zone.

“I’ve been bad at replying to your messages,” says Clarke. “And I’m sorry for that. Sometimes I just don’t have any energy and then I forget and…”

“No!” Lexa protests quickly, holding up a hand to stop Clarke before she can apologise any further. “You don’t have to say sorry. I probably text you way too much.”

“I like that you message me,” Clarke says in a soft voice. “It’s nice that you think of me.”

“Of course I think about you,” says Lexa, laughing softly under her breath, because there is hardly a moment that goes by where Lexa isn’t thinking about Clarke, even subconsciously. “You’re … I mean, you’re you.”

“What do you mean by that?” Clarke asks, an inquisitive smile on her face.

Lexa’s cheeks burn in embarrassment and she’s grateful that it’s late enough that the shroud of darkness hides her red-tinged cheeks.

“You’ve always been special,” Lexa shrugs as she answers, avoiding eye contact with Clarke out of fear that she’ll fluster and stumble over her words. “You were my first friend in Kindergarten. Do you remember that?”

“I do,” replies Clarke, and when Lexa finally looks up, it is to find Clarke grinning fondly at the memory. “Murphy pushed you over and I kicked him in the balls.”

“My hero,” says Lexa, mockingly fluttering her lashes in Clarke’s direction.

“God, even back then you were an adorable nerd,” Clarke teases, taking a swig from the plastic cup in her hand.

“Wait, you think I’m adorable?”

“I don’t think I said that,” Clarke denies resolutely, though Lexa can see that she’s trying to fight a smile that gives away the truth.

“You definitely said that,” insists Lexa.

“I also called you a nerd,” Clarke reminds Lexa matter-of-factly.

“Yes, but that’s old news.”

They fall into silence, and as Clarke gently pushes herself back and forth on the swing with her feet against the lawn, all Lexa can see are flashes of memories from years past, of two small girls chasing each other around the nearby playground and seeing who can fly the highest on the swings before losing their nerve.

“I’ve missed this,” says Lexa, smiling to herself at the memory. “Missed us.”

“So have I,” agrees Clarke, scraping her feet against the grass to bring herself to a standstill. “We should do this more often. Hang out, I mean. If you’d like to.”

Lexa’s eyes widen in surprise.

“Yeah, I … I’d love to!”

Lexa can’t remember why she was ever so worried about coming to this party in the first place.

The thing about promises is that they are easy to make and even easier to break. So when Clarke and Lexa promise to spend more time together, to rekindle a friendship that has been not much more than a pile of ashes since middle school, it’s far too easy to just let things continue how they did before the party.

It’s not that Lexa doesn’t try. Because she does. She sends Clarke occasional messages, links to things she’s seen online that she’s found funny, photos of the mundane happenings in her day to day life, little anecdotes that she thinks Clarke might enjoy. And Clarke replies most of the time, but it’s very rarely more than a one word answer or a laughing face emoji. When it is something more, the conversation fades out within the two or three messages after that.

Lexa tries her best not to push Clarke, because as much as she wants Clarke’s friendship to be the same permanent fixture in her life that it used to be, she also knows that Clarke is having a difficult enough time right now without having to fend off the unwanted attention of a former best friend who has a massive fucking crush on her.

When three weeks have passed since the party, three weeks since they promised to spend a little bit of time together, three weeks in which virtually nothing has changed since before their conversation at the party, Lexa decides to attempt to initiate a face-to-face meeting.

Lexa Woods Do you want to hang out later? We could have a movie night? You wouldn’t even have to leave your bed!

She doesn’t have to wait long for Clarke’s reply.

Clarke Griffin Yeah, might be fun

Lexa Woods Cool! I’ll bring popcorn! What time do you want me to come over?

And that’s it. There isn’t a reply to that message. Lexa checks her phone over and over again, just in case she has accidentally missed the ping of her text tone, but there’s still nothing. She assumes that Clarke has fallen asleep, that her message goes unanswered for a completely legitimate reason, but Lexa soon starts to second guess herself and doubt begins to creep into her mind.

Maybe Clarke doesn’t want to hang out with her.

Maybe Lexa is being too pushy.

No, Lexa tells herself. Clarke likes you. Clarke wants to spend time with you. It’s not her that’s pushing you away, it’s the cancer.

With that in mind, Lexa slips into her shoes, grabs a jacket, and decides to head over to Clarke’s house.

When Lexa arrives at the Griffin house, she is nervous.

Nervous that Clarke won’t be in the mood for socialising and that she’ll be turned away at the door.

Nervous that she’s going to be invited inside and will have to somehow find a way to cope with spending two hours watching a movie with a girl that she’s basically in love with.

The fluttering of her heart is almost enough to make Lexa go home of her own accord before she can enter the house.

Lexa musters all of her courage and raises her hand, tapping on the front door sharply with her knuckles. While she waits for somebody to answer the door, Lexa’s heart pounds so hard that she can hear the blood rushing through her ears.

It feels like an eternity that Lexa is waiting on that doorstep, but the door finally swings open and Abby Griffin peers inquisitively at her.

“Hello, can I-?” Abby stops mid-question to peer closer, and recognition seeps across her face as she realises who is on her doorstep. “Lexa?”

“Mrs Griffin,” Lexa nods, smiling politely.

It’s been years since Lexa has been to the Griffin house, years since she’s seen Abby, and though things have changed – there are different cars on the drive, a new rug in the hallway just behind Abby, more gray in Abby’s hair and more crinkled lines around her eyes and mouth – Lexa feels like no time has passed, like she’s still a bright-eyed middle-schooler visiting for a slumber party with stolen candy and whispered secrets beneath the sheets long after the rest of the house has fallen silent.

“Please, call me Abby. And come in!” Abby steps aside, welcoming Lexa into her home and closing the front door behind her, before she continues, “It’s good to see you. It’s been far too long since we had you in this house.”

Lexa nods in agreement, and then asks, “Is Clarke around? We said we’d have a movie night.”

“I haven’t seen her for a while,” Abby answers with a frown, pausing to think before she speaks again. “She came down and made herself some toast just after two but it’s been quiet since then. She’s probably been sleeping.”

“Oh, okay,” says Lexa, trying to mask her disappointment.

“You can go up and see her if you like,” suggests Abby. Abby’s eyes widen as she has an idea, and she explains to Lexa, “I tell you what, I haven’t planned any dinner tonight so we could order pizza for your movie night. How does that sound? Why don’t you go and wake Clarke and ask her what she wants on her pizza? You remember where Clarke’s room is, don’t you?”

“That sounds great,” says Lexa, the anxiety from earlier starting to be replaced with comfort as Abby makes her feel welcome in the place that used to feel like a second home.

She can only hope that Clarke does the same.

Leaving Abby alone downstairs, Lexa ascends the staircase to the upper floor of the house and makes her way to the door that she knows leads to Clarke’s bedroom. And yet again, she hesitates outside the door as nerves begin to rise within her gut at what she might find inside.

After two deep breaths, Lexa knocks lightly on the door and then, when there is no response, she pushes it open and peers inside.

Clarke is asleep. That much is apparent straight away. Her eyes are closed, her mouth slightly agape, and she snores softly. One of her arms is flung casually above her head on the pillow, while Lexa can just see a few toes decorated with chipped red nail polish peeking out from beneath the covers at the foot of the bed.

The most glaringly obvious thing in the room, and Lexa tries her best not to stare at it for too long, is that Clarke has no hair.

Lexa always knew that Clarke was going to end up losing her hair at some point, but she immediately regrets not preparing herself for the sight. Clarke’s scalp is stubbly, like the hair has been shaven close to her scalp at some point in the last few weeks, but the little hair that remains is thin and wispy, like that of a newborn baby before their proper hair starts to grow in thick. It only adds to the childlike image that Lexa gets of Clarke, sprawled out on her bed like an infant taking a nap, and Lexa wants nothing more than to wrap Clarke up in bundles of blanket as she presses soft kisses to her forehead and whispers promises to keep her safe.

Grateful that Clarke is asleep and therefore unable to witness Lexa staring at her almost-hairless head, Lexa forcibly drags her eyes away from the sleeping girl and takes in the rest of the room. Though it’s still the same room that Lexa remembers from her childhood visits, it’s much different. The room feels smaller and less inviting, is Lexa’s first impression. It smells clinical in here, but that’s not it. Across the dresser, there are an assortment of medicines in bottles and boxes, labelled with names that are just as terrifying as they are long. Lexa had no idea that cancer treatment required so much medication.

A giant corkboard leans against Clarke’s closet door, upon which Lexa can see various information pamphlets from the hospital pinned up with brightly coloured pins. Most of the corkboard is dominated by a huge yearly wall planner, which Clarke has decorated with coloured stickers to denote which medicines she needs to take on which days, as well as written in all of her hospital appointments. At the bottom of the board, there’s a handwritten sign that says 12 days to next treatment, with a homemade flip chart to change the numbers as she counts down. Around the edge of the board, Clarke has pinned up a few inspirational quotes, and Lexa smiles to herself as she reads one in particular - scars are like tattoos but with cooler stories.

It’s all very strange to Lexa, seeing the evidence of Clarke’s cancer all over the same bedroom that she used to have playdates and slumber parties with Clarke in, but the reality of it sinks in a little more that it has before. Lexa feels a tinge of sadness at the realisation that this is what Clarke’s life has become now, but also a huge swell of admiration for how Clarke is refusing to let the cancer take her down without a fight.

When Lexa glances back at the girl still soundly asleep in the bed, she feels as though she’s looking at her in a different light.

“Clarke?” Lexa says in a hushed voice, crossing the room and sitting down gently on the edge of Clarke’s bed, trying not to cause the mattress to jolt suddenly under her weight as she takes a seat. Lexa is torn between wanting to wake Clarke up to spend time with her or leaving her to continue her peaceful slumber, but it is the selfish part of her brain that wins out in the end. “Clarke, it’s me. Lexa.”

Clarke stirs ever so slightly and Lexa reaches out with one hand to brush the back of her fingers against Clarke’s warm cheek, stroking the soft skin tenderly. Clarke leans into the touch, and her bleary eyes flicker open just a fraction.

“Your mom is going to order pizza for dinner,” explains Lexa. “Does that sound okay?”

Clarke lets out a little grunt that Lexa assumes is an affirmative, and so she continues her line of questioning.

“Great, what do you want on yours?”

“Cheese,” mumbles Clarke sleepily.

“Just cheese?” Lexa asks for clarification. “No other toppings?”

“No.”

Clarke rolls onto her side towards Lexa, tucking her legs up to her chest as she curls up and pulls the covers over her shoulder. Her eyes are closed once more, as if she never stirred at all.

“Do you want me to leave you to sleep?” asks Lexa, her voice just a whisper as she tries not to startle the sleepy girl beside her.

Clarke lets out a low hum that Lexa interprets as an affirmative, and Lexa slowly gets to her feet, careful not to disturb Clarke as she crosses the room and backs out into the hallway, closing the bedroom door with a soft click.

Once she is back downstairs, Lexa relays Clarke’s pizza order to Abby, as well as her own, then takes a seat on the couch in the Griffin’s living room.

“She’s fast asleep,” Lexa says, once Abby has phoned the pizza restaurant and placed their order. “It was almost like she was talking to me in her sleep.”

“She does that,” nods Abby. “Sometimes I can go into her room and have an entire conversation with her and she’ll have no recollection of it when we speak later in the day.”

“Wow,” gasps Lexa. “She must be really out of it. Does she spend a lot of time asleep, then?”

“You could say that,” Abby laughs softly under her breath. “Now, Clarke has always enjoyed her sleep. It’s difficult enough to get her out of bed in the morning at the best of times, but since she started the treatment, she spends most of the day in bed. She’ll surface a couple of times a day for a snack, but it’s rare to see her awake for more than a few hours at a time.”

“I…” Lexa starts, but then trails off, wondering if the way her thoughts are going aren’t appropriate for a conversation with the mother of a cancer patient. But Abby looks at her with warmth in her eyes and an encouraging smile on her face, and it makes Lexa feel a little like there isn’t a wrong thing that she can say, and so she continues, “This is probably going to sound really ignorant, but I’ve never known anybody with cancer before, and seeing somebody go through all of this is so different to how I imagined it to be. I don’t mean that to sound so…”

“No, Lexa, there’s no need to say sorry!” Abby is quick to shut Lexa down for she can start apologising. “I’m a doctor – I deal with people suffering from all sorts of things on a daily basis, and I even did a placement in an oncology ward when I was a student doctor – and there are things about Clarke’s treatment and the side effects that surprise me.”

Lexa smiles gratefully at Abby’s words, and then continues, “It’s just, media makes it seem like cancer is about your hair falling out and being connected to a machine by a tube.”

“And there is an element of that to it,” Abby interjects.

Nodding, Lexa adds, “But it seems like it’s so much more than that.”

“There is,” agrees Abby. “You also have to remember that not everybody experiences cancer in the same way, so the way that Clarke’s body responds to the chemicals fighting off the disease is not necessarily the same way that mine would, or yours.”

“Clarke is … I know it’s stupid for me to be saying this when it’s mostly my fault that we aren’t as close as we used to be.”

“Lexa,” says Abby, reaching across the space between them on the couch and resting a comforting hand on Lexa’s arm. “You and Clarke have been an important part of each other’s lives. It’s perfectly natural for you to be affected by what she’s going through.”

Lexa smiles gratefully, Abby’s words doing a little to quell the guilt that Lexa feels for finding it difficult to talk or even think about Clarke’s health.

“Clarke is special,” Lexa confesses to Abby. “Clarke has always been there for me. She’s been looking out for me since the day that we met, and it feels like it’s my turn to repay that favour, to look out for her.” Lexa pauses, before she admits, “And I’m worried about her. She doesn’t seem the same as she used to be.”

Lexa wonders for a moment if she has said the wrong thing, when Abby’s brows furrows and her eyes fill with sadness at the changes she’s seeing in her only daughter.

“She’s not,” agrees Abby. “And she may never be. But whatever she may seem like now, she’s going to be a much stronger person when it’s all over.”

Lexa is reminded of another one of the quotes she saw pinned to Clarke’s corkboard up in her bedroom - Cancer is always going to lose, because though it tries to make you weaker it only ends up making you stronger.

“To quote Kelly Clarkson; what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,” says Lexa, and Abby laughs softly at her words.

“Mom?”

They both startle at the sound of Clarke’s voice, having not heard her descend the stairs, and look up to find Clarke rubbing her tired eyes as she enters the room, wearing pyjama pants and an oversized hoodie.

“Who are you talking to? I thought Dad was away toni-” Clarke stops mid-sentence when she notices Lexa. “Lexa?”

Lexa gives a meek little wave. Clarke looks completely surprised to see Lexa in her living room, as if she doesn’t remember either inviting Lexa over or even the short conversation that they shared in her room earlier. Lexa remembers what Abby said about Clarke often having entire conversations that she’s too tired to remember later and realises that must be the case.

“Told you she wouldn’t remember,” Abby's says, quiet enough that only Lexa can hear her.

“I came up to your room earlier to ask you what you wanted on your pizza,” Lexa explains to Clarke, smiling kindly in an attempt to reassure Clarke that it’s completely fine if she doesn’t remember. “We had a conversation.”

“We did?”

“Pizza is on its way,” says Abby. “Probably about half an hour.”

“I don’t know if I’m hungry,” Clarke protest, her voice feeble. She drops into one of the armchairs and curls her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them to keep them close to her body as her head drops back against the cushion behind her.

“That’s fine,” Abby tells her. “But it’s there for you if you want it. Lexa says you two are having a movie night.”

“Oh shit, I totally forgot about that!” sighs Clarke, eyes widening as she remembers inviting Lexa over.

“Language, Clarke!” Abby scolds Clarke, though there isn’t actually any trace of anger in her voice.

“Sorry,” mumbles Clarke.

“I can go if you want me to,” says Lexa, trying to mask the disappointment as she makes to get up onto her feet.

“No!” says Clarke quickly, leaning forward in her seat slightly and letting her feet slide onto the floor as if preparing to chase Lexa if she tries to leave. “Stay! Please?”

Lexa drops back into her seat perhaps a little too eagerly, just pleased that she’s finally going to be able to make true of the promise they made at Octavia’s party and spend some time with Clarke. If her heart picks up its pace in her chest, then Lexa vehemently ignores it.

“Let’s use the den,” says Clarke. The Griffins have a room at the back of their house that they call the ‘den’, a small-ish room with a couch, a television, and several towering bookshelves along one wall, and Lexa remembers the room well from her childhood visits here, she remembers eating chips in front of cartoons, and making a fort to hide from the grown-ups. “My bedroom is too much like a prison.”

Lexa nods, her only concern being Clarke’s comfort at all times. If Clarke would rather host their movie night in the den, rather than the bedroom that has become almost like her own private hospital ward at home, then Lexa isn’t going to put forward any complaints.

“That sounds like a great idea,” says Abby. “Why don’t you girls go and set up in there? There’s some spare blankets and pillows up in the spare bedroom if you want to make it more comfy in there. I can bring the pizza to you when it arrives.”

“Thank you, Mrs Griffin,” says Lexa.

“It’s Abby,” replied Abby, a twinkle in her eyes, “and you know that, Lexa!”

They build what can only be described as a nest on the couch in the den, cocooning themselves in a warm bundle of blankets and cushions while they choose a movie from Netflix. When the pizza arrives, Abby brings it through to them and smiles at the sight of their heads peering out from under all the blankets.

The pizza box sits between them on the couch, resting on a small cushion, and they help themselves to cheesy slices while the movie plays in the background. Despite her earlier protests that she wouldn’t be hungry, Clarke’s stomach gives a traitorous growl when they lift the lid, and she manages almost two slices before she gives in and says that her appetite has gone.

Clarke falls asleep about halfway through the movie, and with her stomach full and the nest of blankets keeping her cosy, Lexa can feel her own eyes drooping with the onset of drowsiness not too long afterwards. She tries to fight it, to stay away and watch the movie, but her eyelids are heavy and she quickly succumbs.

When Clarke wakes up, she is uncomfortable.

Which is weird because she’s bundled up in blankets on the soft couch cushions in the den, with Lexa fast asleep against her side. She should be the epitome of comfort.

There’s an unsettled feeling in Clarke’s stomach, and it takes her a few sleepy moments to realise that she feels nauseous. The need to be sick is not an urgent one, but it is there, but as soon as she realises that she’s feeling queasy, it takes over her entire body and she can’t think of anything else.

Clarke tries to extract herself from the blankets without disturbing Lexa, but with the other girl asleep against her side, her head resting on Clarke’s shoulder, it’s a harder task that it seems. The blankets are tangled around their limbs and as she tries to remove herself from their warmth, Lexa stirs against her and her eyes blink open.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks, her voice raspy in her newly awakened state.

“Just gonna go to the bathroom,” Clarke says, trying not to let her discomfort show. The last thing she wants is for Lexa to worry about her.

Lexa looks on in concern, but she nods silently and lets Clarke leave, helping to remove the blankets so that she can make her escape.

Clarke knows the drill by now. She reaches for a hair tie and pushes her hair back into a loose bun, then sits on the edge of the bathtub within reach of the toilet basin. She takes deep breaths, trying to stop the bile from rising in her throat, but by this point she knows it’s going to happen.

When she can’t fight it anymore, Clarke leans over the basin and retches, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. When she doesn’t think she can be sick any longer, when there is nothing left to throw up, Clarke scrabbles with one hand for the flush, while the other reaches for a square of toilet paper to wipe the disgusting dribble from her chin and lips.

“Clarke?”

As if things couldn’t get any worse, Clarke glances up from where she is huddled on the bathroom floor to find Lexa leaning against the doorway with concern on her face. The very reason that Clarke rarely has friends over at her house is because she doesn’t want them to see her like this, but the illusion that she’s dealing with cancer with her dignity still in tact is lost the moment that Lexa lays eyes on the way that Clarke is clinging to the toilet seat with her own drool coating her lips.

“Go away, Lexa,”

“Can I do anything to help? Do you need anything? Water?”

Clarke is loathe to ask for help, but her throat burns and there’s an acidic taste in her mouth and water sounds like heaven.

“There’s a bottle of water that I left in the den,” Clarke reluctantly says to Lexa.

“I’ll go get it.”

Lexa hurries out of the bathroom obediently like a dog rushing to fetch a ball, and Clarke is only left alone for a moment because the commotion brings her mom along in Lexa’s absence. Abby enters the bathroom and takes a seat on the edge of the bathtub, rubbing a soothing hand up and down Clarke’s back.

“Clarke, are you okay honey?” she asks.

Clarke glances up and puts on a forced smile, as she replies sarcastically, “Peachy.”

Lexa returns with the water bottle, filled with fresh water, and gives it to Clarke with a worried expression still on her face. Clarke accepts the bottle with a grateful nod of her head and takes a huge gulp, swilling the water around her mouth to wash away the taste of her own vomit, before she spits the water into the toilet basin and takes another sip to actually drink.

“Lexa, I don’t want you to see me like this,” says Clarke, now that her throat isn’t quite so dry and scratchy.

Though Lexa looks as though she wants to say something, she remains silent.

Pushing herself up into a standing position, it is Abby who comes up with a solution, leaving Clarke on the bathroom floor beside the toilet as she says to Lexa, “Lexa, how about I make up the spare room for you and you can sleep there tonight?”

Lexa keeps staring at Clarke with a frown on her face, eyes full of pity and something else, before she finally glances up at Abby and nods silently. Abby ushers Lexa out of the bathroom, leading her down the hallway, and it is only when Clarke has been left alone in the bathroom that she lets herself break down, tears cascading down her cheeks and her chest heaving with sobs as she collapses on the bathroom floor and just cries.

School starts up again at the end of the summer and so begins Lexa’s senior year.

Clarke doesn’t show up on the first day, nor on the second, and when she does finally show her face on the third day, she looks wearier than Lexa remembers, and her words are much more negative.

“I just don’t want to be here,” complains Clarke, when Lexa meets with her during morning break to give her a copy of Lexa’s notes from the two days she’s missed. “I don’t see the point.”

“Of course there’s a point!” Lexa tries to assure her. “This is senior year, your last year!”

“And what?” shrugs Clarke dejectedly, slumping against her locker. “I have to miss school for appointments but what about the days like yesterday where I physically couldn’t get out of bed? I’m tired all the fucking time!”

“I’m sure the teachers will be able to help you catch up on the work you’ve missed,” Lexa suggests.

“The teachers don’t give a shit,” replies Clarke. “I’m not in school enough for them to care. They’ve already written me off as a hopeless case. I’m just a kid they’ll talk about in a few years, like ‘remember when we taught that girl with cancer, such a sad story’. That’s all I am to them, a story.”

“Then I’ll help you!” promises Lexa. She hates seeing Clarke like this, hates how the cancer seems to have drained all of Clarke’s positivity. “I can come over to yours and help with the stuff that you miss and it’ll even help with my own revision.”

“I can’t ask you do so that.”

“I want to,” Lexa shrugs, her voice soft.

Clarke looks at Lexa in confusion, her eyebrows furrowed into a frown, like she’s trying to work out why Lexa hasn’t written her off in the same way that nearly every other person in the school has.

“But why? There’s no point. My life lost all its worth the moment they did the scan and found a tumour.”

Clarke chokes on her words towards the end, and Lexa catches her reaching up to rub at her eyes, as if wiping away tears. Within a few seconds, Clarke’s chest is heaving with sobs and her cheeks are damp.

“Come on,” says Lexa, putting an arm around Clarke’s shoulder and guiding her into the nearby girls’ bathroom.

There are two girls in there when they enter, standing at the mirrors touching up their eyeliner, but upon seeing Clarke in tears, they seem to sense the need for privacy and quickly gather their belongings, vacating the bathroom to leave Lexa and Clarke alone.

“It’s okay,” Lexa soothes Clarke. “Let it out.”

“Why me?” sobs Clarke. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“Nothing” says Lexa, as she pulls Clarke in for a hugs and wraps her arms around Clarke’s shoulders. Clarke’s own arms circle loosely around Lexa’s waist and her head falls on Lexa’s shoulder, her tears soaking the sleeve of Lexa’s t-shirt. “You did nothing. You don’t deserve any of this and it makes me so mad that it’s happening to you.”

“I had it all planned out,” says Clarke, another sob tearing through her body as she trembles in Lexa’s arms. “I was going to get a good GPA and go to med school and become a paediatrician but none of that is going to happen anymore.”

“It can still happen if you want it to,” Lexa tries to reassure Clarke.

Clarke pulls herself out of Lexa’s embrace and walks into one of the toilet stalls, emerging a few seconds later with some toilet paper scrunched up in her hand, which she uses to dab at her eyes and then blow her nose.

“That’s the other thing,” Clarke says to Lexa, tossing the used tissue in the nearby trash can. “I’m not sure I even want to be a doctor anymore. Why would I want to spend the rest of my life working in a place that reminds me of what I’m going through now?”

“Then that’s fine,” Lexa answers without hesitation. “There’s still so many other things you can so. You can still go to college without deciding what you want to major in yet, or you don’t have to go to college at all if you don’t want to.”

Clarke’s eyes narrow and she looks at Lexa with an expression on her face like she doesn’t understand why Lexa is so insistent that Clarke’s life isn’t as bad as she thinks it is.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?” asks Lexa.

“Being so nice to me.”

Clarke still looks at Lexa with incredulity in her eyes, like the very idea of somebody showing her kindness is one that she can’t begin to fathom.

“Do you remember in Kindergarten when you helped me up after Murphy pushed me over and then kicked him in the balls?” asks Lexa, and Clarke’s glistening blue eyes soften with traces of amusement as she nods through her tears. “You’ve always had my back and now that things aren’t so great for you, I want to have yours.”

Lexa omits the part where she’s basically in love with Clarke and would do anything to ensure her happiness.

“I mean, Murphy hasn’t done anything but if you want to kick him in the balls anyway, it would really cheer me up.”

“Noted,” smiles Lexa.

Though her cheeks are blotchy and there are red rings around her eyes as evidence of her tears, Clarke is no longer crying and Lexa is grateful that she seems to have cheered up a little. She thinks that seeing Clarke like that, seeing the emotional impact that the cancer is having on her, is far worse than it is to see all of the physical changes on Clarke’s body. Even seeing Clarke hunched over a toilet bowl emptying her stomach that time Lexa went over for a movie night was more bearable than this, because at least Lexa knew that the nausea would pass. Seeing Clarke so upset and feeling like there is nothing she can do to help only leaves Lexa feeling completely helpless, and she wishes that there could be steps for her to take to ensure that Clarke doesn’t have to feel like her life isn’t worth anything now that she’s sick.

“Seriously, though,” Lexa tells Clarke, who has now turned to the sink and is splashing water over her face from the faucet. “I’m here for you. I know that things aren’t going your way at the moment, but I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone, because you’re not.”

Clarke’s eyes are still red and the skin around them puffy from her tears, but there’s something much deeper in them as she looks at Lexa, like maybe she might be finally starting to believe that what Lexa is saying is true.

Something changes in Clarke.

Lexa hardly notices it at first, because in many ways nothing changes at all. Clarke still misses a lot of school and when she does show up, she is still just as weary and down about her situation as she was at the start of the school year, keeping her head down on her desk for often entire lessons and secluding herself from most of her peers during break and lunchtimes.

But there’s definitely something different too. Something in the way that Clarke’s eyes seek out Lexa’s in the school canteen and her tense shoulders relax visibly as she comes to sit at Lexa’s table. Something in the way that Clarke will always choose to sit next to Lexa in the classes that they share, even if she ends up sleeping on her desk for the entire lesson. Something in the way that Clarke has started inviting Lexa over to hers after school every now and then so that Lexa can help her with the work she’s missed, even though their ‘study sessions’ usually end up with them binge-watching TV and reminiscing about memories from years past until their cheeks hurt from smiling too much.

Lexa likes it. Well, she doesn’t like that Clarke is still struggling, but she likes the way that even though Clarke is having a tough time, she’s giving Lexa the chance to try and make it a little less difficult.

Clarke has her last treatment in early-November and Lexa spends the entire day glued to her phone. Or at least as glued to her phone as she can be at school without the teachers noticing it and confiscating it from her. She checks it as often as she can, waiting for a message from Clarke to say that she’s out of the hospital so that she can congratulate Clarke on making it to the end of a gruelling six months of chemotherapy.

There isn’t a message, but when Lexa checks Facebook during her lunch break, there’s a post from Clarke at the top of her feed, dominated by a goofy selfie of Clarke at the hospital with a dumb filter that distorts her face and gives her a pair of animal ears.

Lexa taps the ‘like’ button instantly, then scrolls down to read the caption that Clarke has posted below.

Clarke Griffin 34 minutes ago Last ever chemo today! It’s been a difficult six months but I’m coming out the other side stronger and I couldn’t have done it without the most incredible support from the best friends and family I could ask for. Thank you to each and every one of you for sticking by my side during these tricky months. I love you all! All there’s left to do is to wait for the scan to confirm that the cancer is gone and then I can start growing my eyebrows back!

Lexa’s eyes prickle with tears and she wipes them away immediately, before anybody else can see her crying in the middle of the school canteen, but Lexa can’t stop the smile that spreads across her face with the growing pride that she feels for Clarke and the struggle that she has overcome as she types out a comment on Clarke’s post.

Lexa Woods So proud of you and the strength that you’ve shown! <3

It doesn’t come close to expressing what Lexa is really feeling, but when the notification pops up a few seconds later telling her that Clarke has replied with a heart emoji of her own, Lexa hopes that maybe it’s just about enough.

On the day that Clarke goes for her final scan and gets the all-clear from the doctors, who tell her that the chemotherapy has been successful and that she’s in complete remission, they go for milkshakes and donuts to celebrate.

“To you,” says Lexa, holding up her milkshake glass when the waitress brings them their drinks, and Clarke meets it with a soft clink of her own against Lexa’s, “for being the strongest and bravest person I know and kicking cancer’s butt.”

“To you,” adds Clarke, keeping her glass raised even after Lexa lowers her own, “for sticking by my side when so many others turned their backs.”

Lexa wraps her lips around the straw and sucks up some of her milkshake, sighing at how refreshing the drink is, before she puts the glass down on the table.

“Of course I stuck by you,” Lexa shrugs. “I just didn’t want you to feel alone.”

“I appreciate it,” smiles Clarke. “As long as we’re still going to be friends now that I’m healthy again?”

Clarke has genuine concern in her eyes, like she actually thinks that Lexa might stop being her friend now that she no longer has the excuse of wanting to help Clarke through her difficult times.

“Of course we are,” Lexa promises Clarke. “I’ll always be your friend, even when you have hair again!”

Clarke’s face cracks open into a grin and Lexa flushes with delight at having made Clarke smile, a sight that has been so rare over the last few months. It’s nice to see Clarke relaxed for once, instead of exhausted and void of hope, and Lexa can’t tell if Clarke is actually more radiant than before or if it’s just Lexa imagining things. Either way, Clarke looks beautiful as she sips on her milkshake, even more so when she smiles, and Lexa is reminded of all the un-friendlike feelings she has for Clarke as her heart stirs in her chest and makes its presence known by thumping rhythmically against her ribcage.

To distract herself from her racing heart, and to stop herself from doing anything stupid like telling Clarke that she looks beautiful and accidentally confessing her love, Lexa gestures to the box of donuts on the table between them and asks, “Powdered sugar or chocolate sprinkles?”

“Like you even have to ask,” grins Clarke, reaching for the donut decorated with chocolate icing and multi-coloured sprinkles.

The cancer might have gone, but Clarke’s social anxiety definitely has not, and the nerves that she feels upon entering the party that Octavia is throwing at her house for half their year is almost overwhelming. Her hair, barely starting to grow back and still a closely shaven fuzz on her head, is hidden beneath a comfortable gray beanie, and even though it has been months since she had long hair, Clarke still feels self-conscious about her current look.

The other partygoers greet her as if nothing has changed, as if she hasn’t spent months going in and out of hospital appointments and barely showing up to school. There’s the people who have always been her friends, even through it all - Raven wraps Clarke in a tipsy hug when she first sees her, Jasper greets Clarke with a fist bump and offers to pour her a drink from a suspicious-looking homemade concoction stored in an old plastic water bottle, Octavia drags Clarke straight into the middle of a makeshift dance floor in the living room and starts grinding up against her instead of Lincoln - but there’s others, people who have barely acknowledged Clarke during the last six months, who greet her and smile as she passes as if she has never had cancer at all.

It’s weird and Clarke doesn’t like it.

When Clarke has finally managed to escape from Octavia’s inappropriate dancing, using an excuse of needing to go somewhere a little cooler, Clarke makes her way to the slightly quieter kitchen and pours herself a drink.

“So the cancer is gone, huh?”

Clarke glances up, bottle of soda in one hand and a red plastic cup in the other, to find Finn smirking across at her. Finn, who was definitely flirting with her before the diagnosis, but who hasn’t even looked her way since, let alone spoken to her.

“Well,” says Clarke, trying not to let her disinterest in conversing with Finn creep into her voice. “I’m in complete remission, so…”

“So you’re basically cured.”

Clarke knows that she used to be attracted to Finn, though in this moment she can’t possibly remember why. Perhaps the chemotherapy has killed all traces of the former attraction along with the cancer.

“Finn, it…”

“When is your hair going to grow back?” asks Finn.

He must think that he’s flirting, because he wears a smirk on his face and leans closer to Clarke. Clarke decides that they must be living in alternate universes, because Finn clearly thinks that his advances are wanted, while Clarke is struggling to think of anywhere she would rather be less than here with Finn.

Except for perhaps the oncology ward with a tube pumping chemicals into the port on her chest, but it’s an incredibly close call.

“What if I like it short?” Clarke replies haughtily, folding her arms indignantly across her chest.

Still undeterred, Finn says, “I think you look really pretty with long hair. You know, how it was before.”

“Well, if you like it short then I guess I have to grow back.”

Finn completely misses the sarcasm in her voice because instead of getting the idea that Clarke doesn’t care about what he has to say and backing off, he instead leans yet closer and says, “How about we go and talk somewhere a little more private?”

It takes all of Clarke’s self-restraint to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“And by ‘talk’, you mean hook-up?” she asks him, raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

“Well, I guess. If you like.”

Clarke loses it.

“No, Finn,” she snaps, spitting his name out like it’s a nasty taste on her tongue that she can’t wait to be rid of, “I don’t like. I don’t like the way that you think you can ignore me for six months and then as soon as I finish my treatment, you decide that it’s okay to start flirting with me again because you no longer have to deal with a girl who has cancer.”

“Clarke,” whines Finn, “I only meant that…”

“Well, guess what, Finn?” continues Clarke, barely allowing herself time to take a breath before she launches off again, not giving Finn the chance to try to wriggle his way out of this one. “I’m always going to be the girl who had cancer! You don’t go through something like this and just forget about it. This experience has changed me and I’m not the same girl who had a crush on you last summer. And if you didn’t want to be around for that change then that’s on you.”

“Clarke…” protests Finn.

“Finn, I don’t care,” Clarke tells him bluntly. “If you didn’t want to be my friend when I had cancer, then you don’t get to be my friend now that I don’t.”

Clarke is pretty proud of herself for that one, but she becomes aware that her rant at Finn has drawn a little bit of attention from the handful of other people in the kitchen. They watch her with mild fear on their faces, as if worried that she’s going to turn on them next and give them the same kind of treatment that she’s given Finn.

But Clarke is done ranting, and from the way that Finn is finally silent, Clarke thinks that maybe she might have got through to him.

Clarke decides that she has to make a quick exit to escape the judgement of the other people in the kitchen, but when she looks up at the door out of the kitchen, she notices that Lexa is standing there watching her, and Clarke realises that she must have seen the entire exchange with Finn.

With her conversation with Finn fresh in her mind, Clarke realises that Lexa is the only person outside of her tight-knit friendship group who has even looked Clarke’s way during the last few months, let alone tried to support her through the biggest challenge of her entire life, and the realisation has everything clicking into place.

Clarke pushes past Finn and walks towards Lexa, grabbing Lexa’s hand with her own on her way out of the kitchen and pulling Lexa with her.

“Come on, Lexa. We need to talk.”

We need to talk.

Put together in that order, they are probably four of the most ominous-sounding words in the English language, but Lexa has no time to process what they might mean or what Clarke wants to talk about. Clarke’s hand grips her own and Lexa is being dragged down the hallway of Octavia’s house, past a few other kids in their year, until Clarke opens up the front door and leads Lexa outside into the chilly December air.

“Clarke, what…?”

Clarke kisses her. Like actually kisses her, lips gently moving against Lexa’s while one of her hands comes up to tangle itself in Lexa’s hair.

It’s not at all what Lexa imagined their first kiss to be like - and Lexa has probably imagined and re-imagined a thousand different scenarios in which she and Clarke share a first kiss. Lexa has pictured it being tentative and clumsy, she’s pictured it being fiery and fuelled by lust, she’s pictured it taking place right after Lexa has delivered a smooth line to knock Clarke off her feet, and she’s pictured it happening in the darkness of her own bedroom late at night during a slumber party. In fact, had you asked Lexa just thirty seconds ago, she probably would have said that there is not a single version of their first kiss that she hasn’t already imagined.

But she never once imagined it to be like this, never thought that it would happen on Octavia Blake’s front step while a party rages on behind the closed front door, never expected that Clarke’s lips would be so soft or that her hand would caress Lexa’s scalp in the way that it does, never once predicted that Clarke kissing her would make Lexa’s heart beat in her chest like it’s having its very own high school house party in her chest.

Lexa tries to be as present as she can be, a task which is a lot harder than it seems when her entire body feels like it’s floating off the ground and soaring into space. She tries to kiss Clarke back, and she lifts her own hand to cup Clarke’s jaw, where her fingertips dip just beneath the soft material of the beanie that Clarke wears and her thumb traces patterns along the bone of Clarke’s gaunt cheek.

The kiss is a bit of a surprise - as far as Lexa is aware, her feelings for Clarke have been entirely one-sided until now - and Lexa can’t help but wonder what has changed in Clarke’s mind to bring them to this point. When Clarke draws back from the kiss to change the angle, Lexa pulls back from the kiss, though she keeps her hands on Clarke to hold her close, trying to let Clarke know that this is just a temporary pause, not a permanent halt on their kissing.

“Clarke, what…?

“Finn was hitting on me and it made me realise that there’s only one person I want to be doing that,” explains Clarke. When Lexa stares at her dumbfoundedly for a few seconds, not quite believing what she’s hearing, Clarke elaborates by saying, “You.”

Lexa’s jaw drops open like she can’t quite believe what she’s hearing, even though she already has the physical evidence that Clarke wants her from the way that her lips are still tingling from the recent pressure of Clarke’s mouth sliding against her own.

“Listen, this isn’t going to be easy,” says Clarke, dropping the hand that is buried in Lexa’s hair so that it’s draped around her neck and bringing the other one up to match it. “I still have to go to the hospital for tests every few months and there’s always a chance that the cancer could come back. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but mentally I’m a bit of a fuck up right now.”

“Clarke…” protests Lexa, shaking her head.

“What?” shrugs Clarke. “It’s true! I’ve still got a difficult journey ahead of me but I want to make that journey with you. I want you to still be by my side, because I can deal with the cancer - not very well, I admit - but I can deal with it. I don’t think I could handle not having you in my life.”

There’s a question in Clarke’s eyes, as if she’s waiting for Lexa to promise that she’s never going to leave. Lexa can’t find the words to do justice to the way that she’s feeling, so she decides to do it with actions instead. Her hands tighten on Clarke’s waist, pulling her closer as she leans down for a second kiss that feels like Lexa is arriving home.

“Just to be clear,” Lexa mumbles against Clarke’s lips, “are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Clarke lets out a little noise, something that Lexa decides must be the audible version of an eye roll, before she answers, “Yes, idiot. Be my girlfriend?”

Lexa doesn’t know how she manages to keep kissing Clarke when her mouth is threatening to crack into a huge grin, but she manages it, only pulling back for long enough to say, “Yes.”

#clexa #clexa fanfic #clexa fic #clarke griffin #commander lexa #fanfiction

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imagineteamfreewill · 7 years

Text

Dancing is Better

Title: Dancing is Better

Pairing: Reader x Dean

Word Count: 4,184

Theme Song: Can I Have This Dance? (from High School Musical)

Summary: You love to dance, and Dean knows that. So, he decides to make sure that you always have a chance to dance, especially with him.

A/N: This song is SO perfect for the reader and Dean (or Dean in any other pairing you can imagine), and I highly recommend that you listen to it after/during your reading of this story! Please leave feedback, and enjoy!

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______________

“Dean, this is ridiculous,” you sighed. “I can’t dance, and I’m not even dressed to go dancing.”

Dean glanced over at you from the driver’s seat. “Oh come on, Y/N. You told me that you wanted to go dancing sometime, and there’s a place in this town that’s supposed to have some kind of dancing thing on Thursday nights. Plus, Sam’s gonna be at some… some documentary thing or whatever all night, so we’re free to do whatever we want!”

After a moment you sighed and slumped down in your seat. “I guess you’re right. Can we at least stop at the motel so I can put on a clean shirt before we go? We’ve been driving for over twenty-four hours and I feel disgusting.”

“Alright,” Dean agreed. He turned the Impala into the first motel lot you came to. “I’ll get the room and then wait in the car for you?”

You nodded in response, then climbed out after Dean had pulled into a spot. He climbed out on his side and headed into the motel office, leaving you to grab your bags from the back of the car. You were just closing the trunk when Dean finally emerged from the office, waving the key cards in the air.

“Hey! I got us two rooms!” he called.

“You mean to tell me that we have a whole room to ourselves? We don’t have to share with your little brother?” you asked, smiling wide. Dean grinned and nodded, kissing your cheek as he reached to take his bag from you. “You wonderful man, you! I could just kiss you!”

“Why don’t you?” Dean teased.

Laughing, you leaned in and kissed him on the lips, pulling away after only a second. “C’mon you, let’s get changed and then head out before I decide I’m too tired for this,” you grinned.

Dean rolled his eyes, then started walking toward the long line of doors under the motel awning. He finally stopped in front of the farthest door and unlocked it, pushing it open so that you could walk in first.

The room was not unlike any of the others that you’d slept in, but you immediately sighed and gave Dean a wide smile when you felt the cool air hit your skin.

“Air conditioning,” you moaned. “This is beautiful. You are a beautiful, beautiful man, Dean Winchester.”

Dean laughed in response and moved past you to set his bag down on the far side of the queen-size bed. After reveling in the air conditioning a moment longer, you shut the front door behind you and followed his lead, setting your own bag down on the opposite side of the bed. He was already shedding his flannel and pulling his sweat-drenched black tee over his head by the time you’d even found the shirt that you wanted to wear, and you couldn’t help but smile when you looked up and were met by the sight of his tanned stomach. A giggle escaped your lips when you saw the small amount of pudge that rested there. You laughed a little more when you saw the annoyed look that Dean was giving you. He hurriedly tugged his clean shirt down to cover his stomach, making you smile wider.

“What? I love your tummy, Dean! It’s cute! It makes me happy,” you grinned.

Dean rolled his eyes, trying to hide a smile of his own, then tossed his dirty flannel at you so he could grab a clean one. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t be a sap. You almost ready to go?”

Nodding, you quickly stripped off your shirt and pulled the clean one on. You ignored the wolfish look in Dean’s eyes as you kneeled down to slip off your gym shoes. He’s insatiable, you thought as you slipped your feet into the comfortable combat boots you’d picked up on the last hunt the two of you had been on. We’ll probably dance for a half hour and then he’ll want to come back here and do a whole other kind of dancing.

When you’d finally finished lacing up the boots, you met Dean’s eyes and raised your eyebrows, letting out a sigh. “Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

It only took Dean a heartbeat before he was racing around to your side of the bed and grabbing your hand. He pulled you behind him out to the Impala—practically yanking your arm out of its socket in the process—and less than a minute later the two of you were speeding out of the parking lot.

“Dean!” you laughed, shaking your head in amazement as you looked over at him. He was smiling from ear to ear, and you couldn’t help but feel a little giddy yourself when you realized just how excited he was to make you happy.

“Sorry babe,” Dean grinned, not sounding a bit apologetic at all, “I just can’t wait to get out there with you. I mean, I can’t dance, but I can’t wait to see you dance.”

“You know this isn’t normal club dancing, right?” you teased. “It’s swing dancing. There’s a difference. And besides, I told you I can’t dance.”

Dean glanced over at you and chuckled, then went back to watching the road, his smile never fading. Clearly, he didn’t need any clarification or what swing dancing entailed—that, or he just wasn’t interested in knowing what the difference was—because he didn’t ask any questions, nor did he speak for the rest of the drive.

By the time you’d reached the small hole-in-the-wall building on the outskirts of town, Dean’s excitement had passed onto you, and you were smiling just as wide as he was. The two of you climbed out of the car the moment the engine shut off, then began the short walk across the crowded gravel lot to the main entrance. You could hear the music from yards away. Dean gave you an excited look as you slipped your hand into his and squeezed.

Once inside, you and Dean met each other’s eyes, and you could tell that he was thinking the same thing that you were: I have no idea how to dance like that. Squeezing his hand once more, you made a beeline for the bar and ordered two shots, one for each of you.

“God,” you groaned, wrinkling your nose as the alcohol burned your throat on the way down, “I think I might need a few more of these before I’m even ready to go take one of those lessons.” You jerked your head toward the group of couples off to the side of the dance floor that was following the lead of a woman in a bright purple dress. All the club staff—instructors, bartenders, and musicians included—seemed to be wearing the same bright purple, and you quickly spotted another instructor on the other side of the room. She was beckoning people over to join her quick beginner’s lesson before the next song began.

You turned to the bar and ordered two more shots. After you and Dean had downed them, you grabbed his hand and led him through the crowds to the instructor.

“Do you have room for two more over here?” you asked, making sure you were loud enough to be heard over the roaring swing music. The instructor nodded and gave you a bright smile, gesturing the two of you over to the far corner of her group. You and Dean quickly took your places.

“Alright, just follow my lead! And remember, if you get lost, the man leads this particular kind of dance!” the woman called as the song began to change. She turned to her partner and you did the same, letting Dean take your hand as you placed your other on his shoulder. He gave you a cheesy grin before beginning to move in time with the music, and you quickly realized that Dean had been lying the whole time; he knew how to dance, and from what you could tell, he was better than most of the people you could see.

“Dean Winchester!” you cried, pausing to let him twirl you. “You’re a liar! You’ve done this before!”

Dean only smirked at that, mischief twinkling in his eyes as he dipped you low, causing you to squeal. When he brought you back up again, you gripped the edges of his soft flannel. Dean laughed, pecking your cheek before reaching up to loosen your grip on him.

“You’re fine, Y/N. I got you. I’m not gonna let you fall. Now come on, let’s get out there and dance till our feet fall off. We’re not leaving until you admit that you actually can dance.”

_______________

You and Dean had been carrying boxes inside the house for hours now. Even though Sam had been helping before he’d left to go pick up something for dinner, the trailer was still half-full and you couldn’t imagine what your back would feel like by the time everything was inside.

Groaning, you plopped down on the couch and closed your eyes, trying to ignore just how great it felt to finally be off your feet. You were just about to consider getting up again to get something to drink when the sound of the screen door creaking open and then slamming shut again alerted you to Dean’s presence.

“I’m never getting up,” you moaned, not bothering to open your eyes and look at him. “My feet are killing me and I’m tired and thirsty.”

Dean chuckled. “Yeah, well, that’s the price of getting out of the life, sweetheart.”

The couch dipped next to you, and you immediately flopped onto your side so that your head was in Dean’s lap. After a moment, you felt him stroke your hair with one hand, and you hummed in contentment.

“I suppose it’s a price I can afford,” you murmured. “After all, the two of us are splitting the cost, right?”

“Right.”

He sounds so happy and normal, you thought as Dean’s cell phone rang.

“Hello?” he asked. Dean was silent for a moment as the person on the other end of the call began to talk. “Okay. Nah, don’t worry about it. We can just order a pizza. Yeah, I’m sure, Sammy. You have a good time. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Turning onto your back, you opened your eyes to look up at him. “Where’s Sam going?” you asked after Dean had ended the call.

“Turns out he knows the waitress at the diner. He’s gonna take her out for drinks when her shift ends in a half hour,” Dean told you. His eyes sparkled with amusement and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sounds like you just got something else to tease him about,” you laughed. Dean grinned. “Well, don’t tease him too hard. We still need him to come back over tomorrow and help us with all this crap. I forgot how much stuff you need to fill up a house.”

A home.

Dean smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. You stopped him before he could, then guided his lips to yours so you could kiss him properly. The two of you kissed for a long time, and when you finally separated to catch your breath, you could tell that Dean was just as done with bringing things inside as you were.

“Let’s dance,” Dean breathed, his eyes locked with yours. “I miss dancing with you.

“Dance as in…” You trailed off, letting your question go unspoken.

Laughing, Dean straightened up and replied, “Actual dancing. Don’t get me wrong, sex is good too. Hell, sex is great! I mean, there’s no one else I’d rather have sex with besides you!”

You laughed and sat up, pressing a quick kiss to Dean’s cheek so he’d stop rambling. “But dancing is better?” you asked.

“Dancing is better.”

Still smiling, you stood and held out your hand for Dean to take. He slipped his hand into yours and stood, then pulled you into his arms, and after a moment, the two of you were dancing in the small open space of your new living room.

Dean kept his eyes locked on yours the whole time, and you felt as if looking away would break some unwritten rule, or maybe that it would break the spell and somehow you’d find yourself asleep in your bed back in the bunker. Living with Dean in a house of your very own had always been a pipedream of yours, and now that it was a reality, you didn’t want to risk losing it.

You were wrapped up in your thoughts when Dean twirled you out, causing you to lose your train of thought. Laughing, you twirled back into his arms.

“I love you. You know that?” you asked, smiling up at him.

Dean lifted his arm and let you twirl under it, then pulled you close so that your chest was against his. “I did,” he murmured.

“Do you love me back?”

“More than anything,” Dean replied.

You smiled wide at that and then rested your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes as the two of you swayed to the silent music. Dean’s arms around your waist held you closer than ever before, and somehow you couldn’t imagine being happier than you were at that very moment.

_______________

Four years later, you were holding your baby against your chest as Dean climbed into the driver’s seat of the Impala. His hunting bag was stashed in the trunk already and you’d made sure that the old cooler in the backseat was filled with water, beer, and a sandwich for the road. You knew he’d never eat it, but making it had given you something to do other than sit around and watch him pack. Tears filled your eyes as he lifted his hand in a wave, then backed out of the driveway and onto the street. You watched as the Impala disappeared around the curve of the road, and it felt as if your heart was breaking in two.

The feeling of someone tugging on the hem of your skirt made you look down.

“Mommy, when’s lunch?” Mary asked. Her little green eyes looked just like Dean’s, and you had to hold back a sob so you could give her a shaky, watery smile.

“Soon, baby girl,” you replied, smoothing your free hand over her head of light brown curls. Even her hair feels like Dean’s, you thought.

“Can I play with Charlie until then?”

“No, Mary. Charlie’s sleeping still, see?” You knelt down so that Mary could see the tiny baby in your arms. Charlie was barely six months old and you were ecstatic that your oldest was taken with her little sister, but you knew that putting your infant daughter down so that Mary could play near her would cause her to wake up. A crying baby was the last thing you needed right now, considering that all you wanted to do was cry yourself.

“Oh,” Mary said, her lower lip sticking out slightly as she tried to figure out what else she could do until you’d made her something to eat.

“Why don’t you go color a picture to give Daddy when he gets back?” you suggested.

Mary’s face lit up at the thought of having something to give her father. You’d barely gotten the words out before she was racing to the tiny playroom off the kitchen, and you watched as she pulled down her crayons and a few pieces of paper. A page fluttered to the floor, but she completely ignored it as she settled down at the small plastic table you’d bought a year after her birth.

Sighing, you stepped back inside the house and shut the front door behind you. The house is too quiet without Dean, you thought as you headed into the kitchen to make your daughter a sandwich. On the counter was the information for the hunt Dean had gone out on, and you quickly read through it as you pulled the peanut butter down from the cabinet.

“It’s just a quick one,” Dean had said when he’d brought it up the night before. “It’s only a rugaru. Sammy would take care of it himself, but Eileen is close to her due date and there’s no one else close enough to get rid of the thing before it hurts anyone else…”

You’d agreed only because Sam needed to be with his wife in case their baby came earlier than expected. You knew that Sam would have done the same for you, had Dean still been hunting while you were pregnant with Mary and Charlie.

Dean hadn’t gone on a hunt since the two of you had moved into your little house. You’d argued extensively with him about it, and in the end, he’d always agreed to stay completely out of the life, mostly because it put you and the girls at risk. Part of his reasoning was that it made you unhappy, but you knew that the majority of it was because he was determined to keep his three girls safe. Today, however, there hadn’t been another option, and as you went about making Mary’s lunch, you couldn’t help but feel that part of your heart had gone with him.

It took four days for Dean to return.

You were laying in bed and half-asleep when you felt the mattress dip behind you for the first time in days. Without hesitation, you pulled out the gun you’d been stashing underneath your pillow since Dean had left on the hunt. It was cocked and trained on the intruder in an instant. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you tried to see through the dark and assess whether you had to shoot, or whether you could get rid of the threat without waking your daughters.

“Whoa! Easy there, tiger.”

The sound of Dean’s voice made your whole body sag in relief. You hadn’t talked to him he’d left on the hunt, and now it felt like the entire world had been lifted off your shoulders.

“Dean,” you murmured.

“Yeah, baby. It’s me,” he replied. His voice was soft and soothing as he took the gun from you and clicked the safety on, then set it down on the nightstand. You felt him press a kiss to your forehead as he helped you lay down once more. He pulled the covers over both of you a moment later.

“I missed you,” you whispered as he guided you to rest your head on his chest.

“I bet I’ll missed you more.”

“It felt like…”

“Like what?” Dean asked. He began running his fingers through your hair as you searched for the words you wanted to say.

“Like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Like you’d taken it with you and left me here alone,” you finally answered, your voice wobbling as all the emotions you’d been suppressing the past couple days came back in full-force. You hadn’t been able to cry in front of the girls—you and Dean had promised not to expose your daughters to any part of hunting, and you figured that if you cried, you’d have to explain to Mary why you were so afraid for Dean’s safety while he was gone—and now that Dean was back, all you wanted to do was be held.

“Y/N, why didn’t you say something before I left? If you hadn’t wanted to me to go, I could’ve asked someone to go instead of me. It wouldn’t have been that hard—”

You shook your head. “More people would have died.” Tears began to flow at the thought of the danger Dean had faced, and you heard him let out a sad sigh when he realized you were crying.

“I’m not going to hunt anymore, Y/N. I promise. This was a one-time thing.”

“And the next time Sam can’t go? What then?” you cried, trying to keep quiet so Mary wouldn’t wake. Her room was on the other side of the wall, and you didn’t want her to see you upset. She would only ask questions to which you never wanted to give her the answers.

Dean didn’t respond. Instead, he just held you and let you cry. When your cries finally subsided, he slipped away from you and got to his feet.

“Where are you going?” you sniffled. You looked up at him with big wet eyes, feeling a bit hurt that he’d leave you right after you’d confessed how upset you were that he’d gone on the hunt.

He didn’t reply as he shed his jacket and draped it over the back of your desk chair, then pulled off his socks.

“Dean, what are you doing?” you asked, now feeling more desperate as you sat up and pushed off the covers. What’s he doing? Why doesn’t he just come back to bed?

Finally, Dean came over to your side of the bed and took your hands in his. “Can I have this dance?” he asked. His voice was still soft, and you blinked in confusion.

“You’re… asking me to dance? Now?”

He nodded.

After a moment, you carefully got to your feet, letting Dean keep you steady as you unfolded your legs from underneath you. Once you were standing, he placed one hand on your waist, then held your hand with the other.

“Dean, I’m not really in the mood for this…”

“Just take a breath, Y/N. Relax and dance with me,” he replied.

Slowly, you nodded and inhaled, then exhaled just as slow. You felt the tension in shoulders relax as you did, and after a moment you placed your free hand on Dean’s shoulder to show him that you were ready to go.

Dean took a step, guiding you as he moved, and began to hum quietly. You recognized the song almost immediately, and a small smile formed on your lips as you realized that at some point during the hunt he’d been listening to the mixtape you’d made him after the two of you had first started dating.

“No matter where I am, whether it’s a hunt or a visit to see Sam, I am always back here, dancing with you, Y/N. Always.”

“No chick-flick moments, Dean,” you whispered, laughing a little as he turned and moved around the end of the bed with you.

“I’m making an exception,” Dean replied with a smile. “I love you more than ever, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you the whole time I was gone. All I could think about was getting back here and dancing with you like we did on our first day in the house.”

“I’m pretty sure we danced in the living room then,” you told him.

“Yeah, well, I’m not really in the mood to dance on top of Legos. I know that I’m a big, tough hunter, but I’m not that tough.”

You laughed and looked up at him, feeling a thousand times better now. “I’ll keep the Legos in mind for the next time I’m mad at you.”

Dean smiled and rolled his eyes, then leaned down to kiss you softly on the lips. When he pulled away, he stayed close enough for you to see the freckles scattered across his nose, even in the dim light that came in from the window, and you couldn’t help but feel like Chuck had been feeling incredibly generous when he decided that you and Dean would end up together.

“Dean?” you whispered. He hummed in response, his eyes flicking between your eyes and your lips. “Do you think that other couples feel this way when they’re together? This happy? Or did we just get lucky?”

It took him a moment to respond. “We got lucky.”

“Why do you say that?”

A smile formed on Dean’s lips, and he leaned forward to kiss you again before he replied, “Because I got a girl who makes me feel safe. I got a girl who made the most beautiful daughters in the world, and who’s tough as hell. I got a girl who’s beautiful and smart and funny, and I got a girl who can dance.”

You giggled. “By dance, do you mean this kind of dancing or the other kind of dancing?”

Dean’s smile turned into a sly grin. Excitement bubbled up in you when his eyes flicked down to look at the thin pajamas you were wearing. “Both,” he replied.

Before you could reply, Dean had grabbed you by the waist with both hands and tossed you back on the bed. A loud squeal escaped your lips and you clapped a hand over your mouth. Dean froze as the two of you listened in anticipation of the sound of tiny footsteps coming from Mary’s room. When it didn’t come, Dean stalked toward the bed, a predatory look in his eye, and you couldn’t help but smile wide when you realized Dean was planning on showing exactly how much he actually missed you on the hunt.

_______________

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bastard-man · 7 years

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s13:

hi okay i kept talking in the tags on my last post so here is more about s13 predictions ig

like i said we all know den literally can't function without mac it's been proven several times in the show

CLEARLY in mac & dennis break up

& my thought is how this will affect s13

so like,,,they're lying if they're gonna try & pretend like dennis can actually cope w/o mac if anything i think he needs him more than ever rn. even if dennis miraculously developed quickly & amazingly enough 2 be a dad that doesn't change how much he depends on mac. boy couldn't live without him in s5, and he was still like, okay then? obviously none of these characters r okay but i've seen only a few ppl mention dennis in the latest seasons. consequently mac seems happier this past season especially now that he's out which is great (i mean then u have DDL & then that kinda shattered but let's not mention that rn) but like we know dennis has been like,,,ragin' a lot more & he was diagnosed in s10 & we haven't really seen him happy in awhile like compared 2 earlier seasons when he seemed more calm & happy. what he thinks he needs is to leave his old life behind but what he actually needs, probably, is the gang rn more than ever but ofc he's not gonna admit that! so he run!

there's a number of reasons why i can't see them letting den be gone for any length of time but the main one being that it just doesn't make sense? like frank said u can't just go be a dad & he was right, & even if i think dennis could be capable of that it's obvious he's getting Worse & to be away from his friends, his family rn is not gonna help that, especially when we know he would be miserable in ND which is literally essentially what he says in 10.01 when he gets off the plane. i'm not a dumbass who thinks he's a sociopath & i know he has big feelings but i still don't see this being a situation where a child is magically the thing 2 crack dennis & fix all his problems

so like, there's my argument based on just the POV of the setting. now let's go back 2 den himself. like i said it definitely seems like he's getting worse, & him admitting that he has feelings was a huge, pivotal thing for him especially to admit that to the entire gang. from there they could use that to finally get den's character to open up a lil more & not try to suppress everything which i think is essentially why he seems worse? he wants to be one way & not feel & it's affecting him as it has over the years. we also know from mac, that he's been distant w him. whether u ship them or not they have a connection that's different from all the rest. so mac senses that den is acting different& like pushing him away, & we know it's not bc he's gay cuz den always knew that. this is where theories come into play, cuz it could have to do w den's feelings & trying to push the gang away so that he can pretend everything is okay which i think is a reasonable guess, or if u wanna add another layer to that there's also been the mention of him being uncomfortable with mac being out because now he's scared of mac's feelings & his own feelings.

it could be bc of the thing b/w them, or just the different connection that they have, but mac is the only one who says anything about dennis being distant. so is he only being distant w mac, or do the others just not notice bc they're not mac? either way mac is the one who notices & he's gonna be the first one to notice things going on w dennis. den has been like on a downward spiral almost & i think the RPG & brian jr just brought that to a head, & he runs, supposedly 2 deal w the latter. (i'm sorry i'm referring 2 a fuckin baby like it's a war crime but i don't evenl like them anyway so it's fine)

like depending on how u wanna interpret it, RPG=dennis realizing how he feels about mac, or how mac feels about him, or just the fact that he was all upset about vday only 2 find out mac got him what he wanted more than anythin & it didn't even matter 2 him that there wasn't a rocket bc it was the gesture so i mean interpret that how u will but FEELINGS

& then brian jr=who he apparently knew about but only becomes a problem bc mandy all of a sudden decides 2 show up & also thinks he's someone else so i really still don't understand some of the logic behind this event but anyhow. he's like noticeably v on edge this ep bc he literally had no idea how 2 get out of it & then all of a sudden he's like wait no i don't want to, but that's not the only thing? pretending to be in a relationship w mac & mac telling him he wanted 2 fake it & raise the kid w him was obviously also adding onto that & still his response was "im not gonna PRETEND to be in a relationship w u for the entirety of my child's life" so again interpret that how u will but...obviously we know he decides 2 go raise brian jr

but he's not gonna be able to do that. not bc he's not capable. i'd like 2 point out he left everyone & everything behind including his RPG & his beloved range rover, so i mean he prob left everything at his apartment too. (i have some theories bout this but it is not the time for those) like his car. is still in philly. his decision is made essentially on a whim after a moment w his kid & like an existential crisis while his friends danced around him bc up until that point he just didn't wanna deal w it

so it could've been like a few hours b/w those scenes but it's still a pretty impulsive decision considering it's a child, a new state you don't even like, a lovely woman ur not interested in, and leaving your friends, family, job, and entire life back in philly. maybe he also thinks it'll help him w his feelings. but he's been repressing shit for at least 12 years that we've seen (we know it's been longer like prob his whole life) & noticeably been getting worse, gives a sudden revelation to his friends about his feelings, & then leaves. that's not...okay. like we know they all have trauma & ridiculously unhealthy coping mechanisms but even if u take everything else away he's not gonna be happy having suppressed all his emotions and problems & then leaving having barely dealt with them w the others at all.

especially mac, who's a huge part of this which u can't deny even if u don't ship them. now i do so like my comments are gonna sway a bit more but i think it'll still work even if u don't agree w me on that aspect. personally i think there could be some sort of parallel there about how mac has gotten happier, while dennis has been more unhappy? like mac comes out & u could even argue dennis being jealous & acting that way bc he wants 2 come out & he's been suppressing that for so long but he's still not at a place rn to do it. or even the fact that mac feels more open & free to be himself while dennis feels the complete opposite & if anything has felt like repressing things even more, while mac mentions being sensitive (12.08 hints he feels more free 2 be sensitive now that he's out & doesn't have 2 worry about being so masculine so that he won't be called gay) & dennis mentions his big feelings but he's still not rlly talking about anything bc i mean u don't really just reveal everything suddenly. so especially in that regard he definitely needs mac.

like not only bc of their connection but bc he depends so much on mac & now mac feels more open & honest & i really think den needs to be around him more, not pushing him away (which could also be why) bc he needs to see how much happier mac is & how he's changed & maybe it'll help him open up more, & if anything mac would probably be the best one for him to do that w anyway.

i'm also gonna mention my sort of views on some ways den could come back: now considering his car was still there i think it could even be possible that mac goes home to their apartment to find that dennis is still there, maybe just waiting or maybe packing, who knows. them blowing up the range rover & using the RPG without him only to find that he hadn't left yet, or at all is definitely something i could see happening (& i know this is a more serious post about den but come on i think we'd all laugh @ that) or the thing i definitely see happening is the gang talking in the bar, who knows how long it's been (maybe a day, maybe a few months) & all of a sudden dennis strolls in and says nothing, walks behind the bar & grabs a beer while the others just stop talking and stare. cue title card "dennis is back" (tbh this is one of the most realistic ones i think & i know glenn mentioned it might be funny if he just didn't come back at all but i think this is vastly more funny & in keeping w the show i mean come ON) or there's like the sad part. this again could depend on how u wanna view things. but if u look at it as dennis going on a downward spiral, only for him to kinda hit rock bottom w the RPG & brian jr. (which isn't even a theory that's literally what happened) then we know this isn't good. it's not a typical situation where they leave on good terms, or they leave happy because we know he wasn't happy. we know he initially didn't want this & isn't ready & we know he hates north dakota, & we also know it's not like he's in love w mandy or anything no matter how nice she seemed, as the person he was closest to was: mac. so it's not like he's really leaving for a better lifestyle either necessarily, because he may have mentioned envisioning himself getting married & having a kid but we saw how it went when he married someone he didn't love, and how he again was unable to function without mac, and it's obviously not how anyone plans on those things happening, & if they did have him settle down w mandy which i do not see ever happening we know he'd literally be settling.

so for him to have been going through a rough patch, to hit an extremely low point & then walk away from his friends, is not going to end well. he hit that low point & is now leaving without dealing with any of his problems because his focus is on fixing one of them: the kid, but also how he was affected by frank because he doesn't want the kid to grow up in that same way. so he thinks that's the most important issue, because he also likes to pretend he doesn't have any other ones, & thinks this is the thing he needs to deal with and everything will be fine. but he didn't deal with anything else, he's only bringing those problems with him, to north dakota, to mandy, to the kid, to his "new life." so if anything he's only gonna be more miserable and he won't even have mac there w him, who he literally depends on to function & considering he's only getting worse being w/o mac is the last thing he needs even if he thinks, or wants to believe that that's exactly what will help. idk how they're gonna deal w him being gone, if he's gone for any length of time or anything, but my point is if he's stated to be gone for months or something like that i'm pretty sure he's gonna come back at the worst we've ever seen him because he was only without mac for hours before he realized he had no idea what to do & they were only, what, a few miles away? part of all this is that he's codependent but that is most heavily dealing with mac. s5 dennis was still doing pretty okay, considering. so him not functioning without mac was just pathetic. s12 dennis has been a mess & him being without mac at arguably his lowest point is kind of scary to think about.

#im sorry this is SO LONG #but...yeah basically #some of y'all thought den was dark #but if hes gone for any length of time...#like hes gonna be sad as shit #& this isnt me being like omg he cant function w/o mac!#cuz like.#he literally cant.#theyve said this.#it isnt a joke #its not me saying it bc theyre so in love #its like..a direct result of dennis' bpd #mac happens to be the one he really relies on #that would be where id say the love comes in but #yeah #i really hope they dont do that #because ive thought before 'oh he should be gone awhile'#like maybe he'll develop more w the kid & everything #or that it'd be interesting to see the gang respond to life without him #but then i think about this #i hope they bring him back like right away like i said #cuz otherwise the only logical response from den being gone for awhile is for him to be like...Bad #ive seen fics mentioning like self harm & suicide (TW) & i've thought well i dont see that happening or thats too dark...#but honestly when i've written this all out i'm thinking it's more likely than not #& im not a psychologist im not claiming to be but i do get his character a lot bc we're very similar in that aspect like how we deal w thing #basically den needs to come back & ASAP bc its not gonna be good for him if he doesnt #dennis reynolds #macdennis #dennis needs him like now more than ever

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ireviewuread · 5 years

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Taiwan Travel Journal Flip Through

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Journaling is a great way to remember things, especially during travelling. Physically writing down stuff allows the brain to register the event better than jotting down the event on a digital device. (Mueller & Oppenheimer, 2014) However, jotting down things doesn’t mean the whole page have to be filled with words. You can decorate and present it beautifully as well. Here are some creative travel journal examples you can use as inspiration for your journals.

Creative Travel Journal Ideas Featuring The Heart of Asia

Taiwan Trip Summary - Point Form

You can do this as a content page at the start of your journals or at the end of the journals. It’s for you to write down the places you visit and the highlights of your trip in point form. Gimlette adviced that even by jotting down points along your journey helps the mind to preserve the experience in your mind (Moss 2016)

Taiwan Trip Summary - Essay

After the end of your trip, you can lengthen the point form and write a short essay/ paragraph describing your trip and how you feel about it in general. For me, I chose to write the longer version for I talk too much.

Taiwan Attraction Highlight - Beitou

One of the ideas is to write down the history of the location or highlights of the location. I paste the architecture of the Beitou hot spring museum in the middle for I am highlighting the museum in this spread. Try to pick one attraction to focus on so that you won’t clutter the page.

Taiwan Attraction Highlight - PingXi

Another example on how you can display the highlights of your attraction is to leave 1 page for the title and the other page for the history of the tourist attraction. Add the title in a different language to let your spread look more vibrant and versatile.

Collect Physical Memorables - Namecards, Paper Coasters, Chopstick Holders

These are the physical memory that you have to look for, but not too hard. They are around you every day but you tend to ignore them for they are ‘junk’ for most people. Memorable from store name cards, recyclable chopstick holders, hotel coasters and more. These are not only perfect for your journal but you can display them in a shadow box too.

Collect Physical Memorables - Item tags, Packaging, Tea Packets and Labels, Sweet Packaging

I guess one of the reason why I always turn my mixed media daily journal into a junk journal is that I collect too much ‘junk’. These days I’m learning to limit my collection to what I would actually display in my journal nicely. I love flat items like item tags or pretty packaging from items that I purchased there. If you are a tea enthusiast, you can display tea packets or labels in your journal. If you have a sweet tooth, why not display the packages in your journal too!

Collect Physical Memorables - Pamphlets, Feedback forms with cute graphics on them

To spice up your journal with more photos, collect pamphlets. Pamphlets that represent the location you are in or brochures that you think make an amazing element in your journal. Collect them all! One of the things I’ve learned to take is feedback forms with cute graphics on them. Of course not all feedback form look cute but you should always look at every paper item before deeming them to be unusable.

Name cards are amazing for these days, social media, other website and even funny jokes are listed on the name card. Here I have a local entrepreneur from Taiwan, BirdBirdParadise. She is a ‘one man show’ and she sell homemade felt birds and stationery. From postcards to washi tapes, the owner of BirdBirdParadise got it all. Do check her birds out.

BirdBirdParadise | BirdBird 樂園

Facebook | Pinkoi | IG: #birdbird樂園

Collectible Stamps - Train, Attraction, Postcard Decorations, Stamp Sample

The last collectible you can add in your journal is collectible train station stamps, attraction stamp, postcard decoration stamps and even stamp samples. In Taiwan, train station stamps could be found outside the control booth at every station. It is a similar situation in Japan. Attraction, postcard decoration stamps and stamp samples are slightly more hidden. Look for the brown wooden stamp handle or stamp pad to identify these Easter eggs.

Only Stamps, Stickers and Washi Inspired Page - Minimal Writing

Another idea for your spread is to fill it up with these collectible stamps. If you brought or bought washi tapes on your trip, use them to fill up the empty holes in the page. You can refer to my camp theme spread for minimal writing spread ideas.

Train Station Map | Innovative Pockets

Pockets don’t have to be a corner flap that you made by yourself. It can be a flat paper cup holder or even a cardholder. Be creative with your journals. One of the best ways to remember and ‘travel’ the area again is through maps. I’ve managed to obtained a miniature train station map that fits in my journal perfectly.

Collage - Tags, Stamps, Washis, Card

Make a collage out of all of your collected items. The key thing is to be innovative and free of the restrictions you’ve set for yourself. Add flippable items. Here I’ve added a train card that I’ve used throughout my journey.

Travel Journal Examples - Follow the Route

The last travel journal example is to note down your route. From one category to another, take a point at which place did you visit first. The perfect place to track your journey is the zoo or aquarium. As there’s already a map for you, it is easier to track your route.

For more Travel Journal Examples, you can check out 12 ways to decorate your journals. If Journaling is not your thing, you can preserve your travel memories by displaying it on a display plate or shadow box. Learn how to craft both of them here.

#travel journal #travel journal flip Through #I Journal U See #journal flipthrough #taiwan travel #taiwan #Travel Journal Examples #Creative Travel Journal Ideas

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animesavior · 8 years

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“Even an adventurous crew like this one deserves a calm and relaxing day now and then. How many years…no, how many decades has it been since I could just sit around and take an afternoon nap in the sun without a care in the world? While I wondered the seas alone, I would lay my head down, not knowing if it was day or night, and dream of my long lost comrades…and Laboon. However it was precious little solice for when I awoke the fleeting joy became a press of loneliness. Yet, what could I do but repeat the cycle again. In those days I could find peace neither in slumber, nor in my waking hours. But now, if I listened carefully…I can hear my new friends all around me. I know I died and I am now nothing but bones but…I’m so very happy to still be alive. […] I’ve no doubt that this time of quiet will soon be replaced by the roaring sounds of adventure, a prospect I welcome wholeheartedly. But now, it’s a moment to rest one’s bones. Laboon, it seems that the next time we meet, I’ll have quite a few stories to share, old friend. Until then, I’ll keep dreaming of you, and I hope you’ll keep waiting on me.”

- Brook, One Piece (Ep. 384)

The Toonami Trending Rundown for March 18-19, 2017. A big milestone for the better cartoon show this week as Toonami celebrates its 20th anniversary. And it would be a night to remember with some great moments including Jack getting chased down by the Daughters of Aku, and while trying to excape he kills one of them, learning that Aku’s loyalists aren’t all just “nuts and bolts”. Meanwhile, Beerus ramps up his power, hoping to see the full potential of Goku’s SSJ God abilities, and we end off Toonami’s current run of One Piece as Brook settles down and attempts to fit in as the newest member of the Strawhats.

On Twitter, Toonami and every show would successfully trend in the US and Worldwide during their respective East Coast airings, in addition to both #Toonami20, which was a hashtag used to commemorate the 20th anniversary, as well as #SandWhaleAndMe, as Toonami showcased the first part of the 5 part miniseries by Production IG. In addition, being One Piece’s final night, fans would make sure that show would go out with a bang, as #OnePiece would trend from the duration of its East Coast airing to its West Coast airing. Samurai Jack would also produce a character trend for the very first time with Aku, as 50 years on and after destroying all the known portals back to the past and hoping he would eventually die of old age to no avail, Aku has pretty much lost all motivation to try and kill Jack.

On Tumblr, both Samurai Jack and Dragon Ball Super would reach its trending list in addition to Tokyo Ghoul, as Toonami showcased a promo for its upcoming debut next week.

Finally, in a first for Toonami programming in the social media scene, both Samurai Jack and Dragon Ball Super would make the top two positions on Nielsen Social’s top 5 most talked about shows on Twitter and Facebook, the 16th and 17th time a Toonami show has made it onto the list since we started recording this feat. This would also be the second week in a row for Samurai Jack to reach the list in addition to becoming the 2nd time a show has reached the #1 spot, meanwhile this would be the 9th time in the 11 weeks it has aired so far that Super has made it onto the list.

Among some of the other features to commemorate the 20th anniversary, Adult Swim along with Titmouse created this short film titled "Exquisite Corpse". You can check it out below.

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As the Spa Island mini-arc comes to a close, it pains for me to say that unfortunately due to flagging ratings, high costs in airing the show further, and perhaps a need to shake things up programming wise, among other things, Toonami has pulled the plug on One Piece’s run on the better cartoon show.

Initially as One Piece made its grand return to the block in 2013, things were great as Toonami enjoyed great ratings and social media buzz for the show alongside its Big 3 Shonen Jump counterparts in Bleach and Naruto. But as time marched on, ratings began to lag for multiple reasons, and by 2015 One Piece fell all the way down the schedule from 1am all the way to 2:30am and eventually being the lowest rated show on the block besides the rerun (and sometimes even being out-beaten by the rerun). At that point, the signs were probably there that the show’s days as a Toonami show were numbered. Granted, despite its shortcomings ratings wise, we all thought it was at least doing well enough to stay, and it did for a while, though we know now that it was no longer the case.

Quite a few factors likely played a role in One Piece’s demise. Some blame One Piece starting on episode 207 instead of episode 1, as newer viewers didn’t get to experience the events in those earlier episodes. To use a recently aired example, when Brook recalled his days with Laboon, Toonami never got to showcase the Strawhats encounter with Laboon, so the emotional aspects could’ve been lost with some people. Meanwhile, some blame the show not being able to catch up with the pace of the most recent dub episodes, being aired once a week. And although this is subjective, others have also commented that the show’s “goofy” feel and artstyle, for lack of a better term, could make it hard for some to take the show seriously, especially in regards to the show’s emotional moments.

Of course, One Piece’s sheer length may have played a part in its eventual demise. The show is presently up to 782 episodes and counting, which is getting right up there among the lengths of soap operas, and combined with the franchise having some heavy continuity, no doubt that some have been turned away because of the commitment. I myself was even turned away initially into One Piece because of this until Toonami’s airing got me interested. And even for those that are committed, with Toonami so far behind from where Funimation is at with the dub, much less where Japan is at (we ended at 384), along with the show only airing once a week and the show itself having no end in sight, it would have been near-impossible to catch up. Hence, this is why many decided to binge watch the series at their own pace instead, and this would show in the ratings.

And on that same note, there has been a bit of a backlash lately in regards to the amount of long runners on Toonami. When JoJo came on late last year, every single show on at the time save for Gundam and the 3am rerun would last on Toonami for at least two years. That doesn’t really give much room for a turnaround to get newer shows unless an expansion is in the cards, which we are seeing with the 11pm timeslot. While long runners do help with consistency to the block’s ratings, and no doubt the reason these shows are long is because of their immense popularity and demand for more, it doesn’t help if the popularity and overall buzz of said shows wear down. Both One Piece and Naruto have had some ratings fatigue as of late for various reasons, which is partly why they ended up at the back end of the block for the last few years. Meanwhile Hunter x Hunter fans have pleaded to Jason and the crew to keep that show at least at 1:30am for fear that it could suffer the same fate. And while JoJo’s and Gundam are doing fine for now, we feel that they could be doing much better. If you want Stardust Crusaders and IBO Season 2 to come to town, giving those shows the ratings support will help.

While Jason has promised more shows are still to come, possibly with expansion, but in regards to One Piece, it might have opened the can of worms in regards to cost considerations. With the direction things were going, One Piece would likely have been pushed to 3am or later to make way for those new shows. With most fans too tired to watch past 3am unless they used a DVR, the programming department at Toonami likely unable to pay high costs for a show so late, and Funimation and Toei likely unable to lower the renewal costs, Toonami decided it just wasn’t worth it anymore.

The problem could also go all the way back to the show’s days when 4Kids was the distributor. First impressions can often play a big role if a show becomes a smash hit or not, and with 4Kids poor handling of the show, fans were understandably turned off, and those first impressions among newer viewers were squandered. When Funimation took control, it would be too little, too late, as Toonami cancellation and the days of CN Real was upon the channel, and One Piece had to go elsewhere to gain its fanbase. One Piece would eventually rebound and gain immense popularity through other means and eventually another Toonami airing, but in comparison, the likes of DBZ and Naruto each received much better first impressions from both the Toonami and general audiences and both franchises currently benefit from massive nostalgic fanbases to this day in the US, something which we are seeing with the continued success of Dragon Ball Super and the hype for the upcoming Boruto series respectively.

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In the end, for one reason or another, One Piece just never caught on among the Toonami and general American audiences as much as we hoped and various factors each played a role in One Piece’s hopes of staying on Toonami unsustainable. Combined with the demand for more variety from viewers and the need to keep Toonami growing overall, it was no surprise that changes had to be made. While I’m sure One Piece’s Toonami viewers and even the Toonami crew themselves did everything they could to make the show work, there just wasn’t enough support to realistically keep the ship going without Toonami running into significant problems both financing and timeslot wise at some point. And as we all know, the growth and health of Toonami as a whole is much more important than one single show.

While One Piece is a beloved show to many of us, and will likely continue to be for years to come, the reality is that Toonami just can’t continue airing a show if millions of people don’t agree and watch it week after week on the better cartoon show. While the One Piece fandom is anything but a vocal minority, with millions continuing to enjoy the manga and the show on streaming sites and disc sales around the world, in regards to Toonami viewership, even Jason DeMarco himself has mentioned that “One Piece fans have been far more vocal about the show on the internet than they are focused on watching the show on TV”.

And as Jason himself has regularly said, television is a democracy and people vote with their eyeballs. It’s the reason why Naruto Shippuden, despite having the same issues with not being able to catch up with the dub and constant complaints about filler, wasn’t put on the chopping block as well, for now at least. It’s the reason why the likes of Attack on Titan and Sword Art Online have been big hits both inside and outside Toonami’s reach despite discontent from the vocal minority of detractors (as we have seen with the success of Ordinal Scale in theaters for instance), and will both likely be back at some point to air their respective sequels. And it’s a big reason Toonami mainly focuses on action oriented anime and cartoons, as the likes of slice of life, sports anime, and live action, while big on other outlets, were pretty much flops when Toonami experimented with such shows. In this case, while there were plenty of eyeballs watching, there just weren’t enough watching per week to keep One Piece running much longer.

Consider this to be a big wakeup call to fans of every current and prospective show on the block, that if a show makes it on Toonami, it has to pull through when it comes to both Nielsen ratings and overall buzz. If the show does well, all will be good as we’ll get to enjoy the show in its entirety, and if a sequel were to come, the odds will be good if not all but assured that the show will return. If not, changes will be made and another show will get its chance instead, as we saw with One Piece leaving and Tokyo Ghoul on its way. It doesn’t matter what the critics think of a show, or what your opinion might be. The moral of this story is that if you truly want a show to stay, continue to watch and enjoy, but don’t be complacent and not watch thinking it will be there forever. As the old saying goes, you don’t know what you got until it is gone.

Personally as a fan who got into One Piece via Toonami, it is pretty disappointing to ponder what could have been for this franchise, but what it did do for Toonami social media wise is one worth celebrating. During its nearly 4 year presence, One Piece would use its opportunity the best it could and no doubt fans made sure their voices were heard. The hashtag #OnePiece would trend in some capacity a grand total of 137 weeks including 19 times during the Long Ring Long arc, 29 times during the Water 7 arc, 39 times during Enies Lobby (including a marathon during Christmas 2015 showcasing the finale of that arc), 11 times during the Lovely Land arc, 35 weeks during Thriller Bark, and was a perfect 3 for 3 during the Spa Island Arc.

The show also produced 26 different character/in-show content trends, some of which occurred multiple times, including 19 characters (Arlong, Brook, Chopper (including Chopper Man), Franky, Foxy, Kuma, Laboon, Luffy (Including Afro Luffy), Nami, Robin, Olvia, Sanji, Saul, Shanks, Sniper King, Spandam, Usopp, and Zoro), 2 attacks, (Buster Call and Third Gear), 1 response to an event (RIP Merry), and 3 story arc names (Enies Lobby, Impel Down (Which we never got to), and Water 7).

No doubt One Piece is a part of that great legacy Toonami has made that made millions of people into anime fans and for their respective success, Toonami owes a lot for One Piece, and One Piece owes a lot to Toonami. Unfortunately, things weren’t going as well as we all hoped and Toonami decided it was best to part ways. While no show can be able to fully replace One Piece, we do hope you continue to support the block going forward or at least the shows you enjoy as it continues to showcase great anime to American audiences. Sometimes change can be good and if Toonami can use this opportunity to keep bringing in new shows, the loss of this show will at least sting less. And who knows, we could be seeing the next generation of top tier anime air here soon enough that could inspire fans both new and old like One Piece did for us.

That all being said, we have seen time and again that nothing is impossible for the better cartoon show and perhaps one day One Piece could return to Toonami stronger than ever. We saw it when Toonami first brought back One Piece back in 2013, and who’s to say it can’t happen again when conditions improve? For now, if you want to continue watching One Piece, check out the DVDs/BluRays and Manga as well as checking out new episodes on FunimationNow and Crunchyroll. Funimation is presently hard at work with dubbing season 9, and while Toonami won’t be there to commemorate One Piece’s future milestones at least for now, the franchise’s popularity looks a lot stronger than before Toonami joined the fray. It will be interesting to see where the One Piece franchise goes in the years ahead as the quest to find One Piece continues.

So on behalf of the Toonami Faithful, bon voyage, Strawhats and thanks for the memories. We’ll miss you.

Starting out as a mere idea by Mike Lazzo, Sean Atkins, and Jason DeMarco, Toonami has grown over the past 20 years to be a major phenomenon and has played a major role for why Anime is as popular as it is today. I personally started watching Toonami when I was a young kid around 1998-ish when I stumbled into Cartoon Network one afternoon as Toonami was airing Sailor Moon. While back then, it was strange to be enjoying a “girl show”, I was instantly hooked, and along with DBZ, the ThunderCats, and later Gundam Wing, I became intrigued and later became a fan with what would we all know today as anime.

We may or may not have realized it at the time, but Toonami turned out to be something special as it helped jumpstart a golden age for the anime industry as many shows were created and/or brought over to American shores partly in response to Toonami’s success. Of course, we reaped the benefits of this golden age, as we were introduced to a plethora of both anime and action cartoons, many of which we have grown to love, and some we still enjoy today. The four dark years when Toonami was off the air aside, the block was, is, and likely will continue to be a “gateway drug” for millions of anime fans, and perhaps more to come.

What makes Toonami successful, at least to me, is that it is not necessarily one show. What makes up Toonami is the 9 great action anime/cartoons that it presently airs now, plus the hundreds of shows that it aired in the past, as well as the many shows that will make its way to the block in the future (whether there are new franchises or sequels to popular Toonami shows), not to mention the packaging and adventures of TOM and SARA. From its smash hits to its underrated gems, Toonami has always had something for everyone. Add in the occasional music video, movie or animated short, game review, or other special feature Toonami has every week, and you got something millions tune in or DVR weekly every Saturday.

If Toonami taught us anything these past few years, it’s that nothing really is impossible. A few years ago, it was thought to be impossible that Samurai Jack would get a 5th season. Fast-forward to today, and here we are, talking about what’s next. Hell, Toonami returning was a miracle in itself. While many have sought a return during its hiatus, the dream never became realistic until Mike Lazzo and the Adult Swim crew decided to run Toonami and some of its past shows during April Fool’s Day 2012 and possibly see if there was interest. The response was a clear yes, and so here we are today seeing Toonami continuing to do as they do best.

And of course, the future looks bright for the better cartoon show in the months and years ahead. With Samurai Jack’s return continuing to impress and FLCL’s return also on the horizon, more original productions might be on the pipelines ahead. New acquisitions will also await, whether they are smash hits or underrated gems, each hoping to see their full potential in the west, including Tokyo Ghoul which begins next week. Previously successful Toonami shows including Attack on Titan, Blue Exorcist, One Punch Man and Sword Art Online among others will be among those to watch for in regards to Toonami potentially airing their respective sequels at some point ahead. And of course, barring any other dips in popularity and cancellations, the likes of Dragon Ball, Gundam, Hunter x Hunter, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, and Naruto each looks to continue to impress Toonami audiences for months if not years to come. Of course, if you have anything in mind for Toonami to show, we always recommend you sending your show requests on appropriate outlets (ex. their Facebook and tumblr message boxes). You may never know if millions of other folks, the distributors, and the Toonami crew will agree and try to make it happen.

The next 20 years or so will be one to look forward to and we could see a lot more to come ahead. And if you ask me, the success of Toonami, its partners, and even its competitors will all play a key role for the future prospects of anime and action cartoons in the west in the years ahead. Could we see a second season of another beloved Toonami show? Further expansion? A comeback for movies? The next anime boom if it’s not happening already? Or could it all just come crashing down in the end? Nothing is certain, but nothing is impossible, and we could be seeing some great things ahead. Of course, it takes two to tango, and if you do wish to keep Toonami going for another 20 years, keep supporting Toonami and the anime industry overall as always.

We continue on creating that legacy this Saturday, as Tokyo Ghoul will make its long awaited debut on the better cartoon show at 1am, while Gundam Unicorn will showcase its second half at its new time at 2am, and Naruto Shippuden will continue on at 2:30am. On behalf of the Toonami Faithful, thanks for all the memories, and here’s to many more.

Legend: The shows listed are ordered based on their appearance on the schedule. Show trends are listed in bold. The number next to the listed trend represents the highest it trended on the list (not counting the promoted trend), judging only by the images placed in the rundown. For the Twitter tweet counts, the listed number of tweets are also sorely based on the highest number shown based on the images on the rundown.

United States Trends:

Toonami/#Toonami [#4]

#Toonami20 [#1]

#SamuraiJack [#1]

Aku (From Samurai Jack) [#2]

#DragonBallSuper (Also during the primetime presentation) [#1]

#SandWhaleAndMe [#1]

#DBZKai [#1]

#JoJosBizarreAdventure [#2]

#GundamUnicorn [#1]

#HunterXHunter [#1]

#Shippuden [#2]

#OnePiece (Also during the West Coast airing) [#1]

#GhostInTheSHell [#1]

Worldwide Trends:

#Toonami20 [#2]

#SamuraiJack [#3]

Aku (From Samurai Jack) [#4]

#DragonBallSuper [#7]

#SandWhaleAndMe [#8]

#DBZKai [#8]

#JoJosBizarreAdventure [#8]

#GundamUnicorn [#7]

#HunterXHunter [#8]

#Shippuden [#8]

#OnePiece [#1]

#GhostInTheSHell [#7]

Tweet Counts:

Toonami [13.9k tweets]

#Toonami [7,729 tweets]

#SamuraiJack [10.2k tweets]

#DragonBallSuper [4,800 tweets]

#DBZKai [1,767 tweets]

#JoJosBizarreAdventure [2,027 tweets]

#HunterXHunter [2,259 tweets]

#OnePiece [6,100 tweets]

Tumblr Trends:

#tokyo ghoul

#samurai jack

#dragon ball super

Notes and Other Statistics:

#Toonami: @WhoTrendedIT reported that @blumspew and @adultswim started the trend in the US.

#DBZKai: @WhoTrendedIT reported that @FUNimation started the trend in the US.

#HunterXHunter: @WhoTrendedIT reported that @VIZMedia started the trend in the US.

Special thanks to @coreymbarnes, @jmb70056, @TheNextHokage and others I forgot to mention for spotting some of the trends on this list.

Eat Up. Only Toonami on [adult swim] on Cartoon Network.

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years

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Druck episode 3 reaction

thirteen minutes is UNACCEPTABLE

Episode 3

Clip 1 - Returning home

I love the look of the show. That shot of them coming up from what I assume is a train station is so simple but effective, with the group breaking into two and Hanna and Jonas being left on their own to work through what happened on the trip. Us having some distance from the situation, being able to see Hanna turn away first away from Jonas.

I think the cinematography is adding a lot to my enjoyment of Druck. I just find it so calming and gently pretty, and the lighting is bright and there’s plenty of soft colors.

Matteo and Carlos left together, which might not mean anything except they’re going the same way, or maybe they’re legit friends, or maybe Matteo doesn’t really like him but he puts up with him because they have Jonas in common or because Carlos is their weed hookup.

Jonas saying that it’s just been the two of them (Jonas and Hanna) together lately. Interesting, implies that it’s not so much Hanna-Jonas-Matteo as we might have guessed. Or just that he’s feeling stifled by being around his girlfriend so much. Orrrrr that he has a secret that he wants to keep from her and it’s hard when she’s nearby?

Man I really really am wondering if the changes in these character dynamics are going to build up to something, I really hope!

This Jonas is earnest as hell and it’s going to suck if he has some big horrible secret. He’s my favorite of the remake Jonases so far; he’s flawed but he seems vulnerable and he’s got great chemistry with both Hanna and Matteo. We haven’t seen him at his worst yet, it should be said.

I legit laughed out loud at Hanna’s texting of Mia, especially Mia’s text bubble disappearing. I mean, that wasn’t a bad joke on Hanna’s part, except you usually don’t talk about STDs with people you just met.

I mentioned in some other posts that I find the credits/title cards on each clip of Druck and Skam France distracting, but I like that Druck has been putting things like casual banter and (as in this clip) Hanna’s heavy sighing over them. They can easily be cut from the scene when the whole episode is put together, but it keeps the atmosphere going a little longer and adds some small details of characterization or mood. I prefer it to having music always close the scene and play over the credits.

Clip 2 - Hero Party meeting

THEY CHANGED SHIT, YES

Awww, Kiki turns out to be cute! She turned it around fast. Also props to her for acknowledging that it was sweet of Hanna to try to find her a Sam. And she clearly did not make the decision to not be on the organizing committee on her own, and Sam knows she’s fibbing.

An explanation for the hero party! So from what I can tell from German viewers, this isn’t a usual German tradition or anything, it’s specifically for the show? IDK how realistic it is but making it a tradition specific to this school makes it a little less contrived. I don’t really get how throwing an amazing party for the graduating class will make the party for this class even better, since it’ll be a whole new class throwing the party for them, unless it’s in the sense of “we raised the quality level so far that they’re going to have to try to top us.”

This isn’t a bad way to adapt russ. I’ve been waiting for a version where the five girls all got assigned together on some project/event rather than coming together voluntarily. Plus Hanna met all the girls separately prior to this meeting, so there’s an established connection between her and all the girls.

Nice way to show Hanna being a follower with her just joining Kiki/Sam at this meeting and raising her hand after everyone else does. She does feel a very insecure version of this character.

This setup makes Leonie directly reject Hanna, Kiki, and Sam based on prior beefs, and her shunning Amira to the end is not a great look. IDK what she has against Mia except she’s a new girl who had the audacity not to know what the party was, so I guess that’s enough? They really are Los Losers.

Let’s talk about what a glorious nickname Blondus Maximus is and how there was a missed opportunity to call the Penetrator Chris character some variant of that (Brunettus Maximus?) Max can be a girl’s name too! Not sure how popular it is in Germany, though.

Shout-out to Amira’s brothers!

They also did something that I hoped they would do, instead of explaining Alexander to Hanna, they explained to Mia, who is the new girl, which makes sense. And we got her initial reaction to him.

German William/Alexander looks old as hell, even older than French William/Charles, lmao. No disrespect to the actor, I’m just not sure why the remakes are casting older-looking dudes in this role. Like Charles looks older than a teenager but almost everyone on Skam France does. Druck’s characters look like teenagers for the most part, so IDK why the William character has to be the one who looks like a teacher. Thomas Hayes was the right age.

I’m laughing at his socks. And him getting out of his car just isn’t the same without being flanked by several nameless members of his posse.

Some of the slow-motion effect is kinda strange and doesn’t look right. I noticed it in the first clip with Leonie’s walk, too.

I really liked Kiki after being somewhat underwhelmed by her first appearance (the same with Daphne, tbh). Sam and Amira remain great. Mia is the only one I’m not 100% sold on, though I think she could turn out OK.

Clip 3 - Mia and Hanna in Spanish class

OK I was wayyyy too excited that Mia mentioned her roommate using her IG to stalk guys. GERMAN ESKILD WHERE ARE YOU.

I did find it kind of weird why were they weren’t sitting together in the first place, because they walked into the room together and if Mia can just get up and move it’s not like they have assigned seats.

I felt kinda bad for the teacher in this one even if she shouldn’t be making mistakes. Her wardrobe looks like that of every enthused language teacher I’ve ever had.

Ahhh, still not sure how I feel about Mia so far? She’s cute but seems kinda stilted, and she looks a little older than the other girls (she’s 21 IRL). I do think she was better in this clip than in prior ones. Her character was more polite to the guy who’s talking to her than Noora or Manon was. She’s so far a far sweeter version of the character.

Also this clip amped up the Mia/Hanna. Mia was very, very eager to talk to Hanna at the start.

Clip 4 - Friend

You know what? I’m kinda with Jonas on this one. Why should you actually treat a bunch of assholes that you don’t like? Like this dude who apparently puts Nazi symbols on a teacher’s car? Fuck that guy, I wouldn’t throw him a party.

Obviously I don’t think he should make fun of Hanna wanting to participate, and Hanna is right, not all grade 12 students are going to be assholes. But Jonas’ reaction at least makes sense, rather than being like “this is wrong because I hate capitalism and this ties in for some reason.” (To be fair, Jonas’ opening monologue isn’t about capitalism this time around. He does mention Nazis in it, though!)

“Netflix and chili con carne” is the German version of Fresh Prince and nachos, eh?

Awww, Hanna made a friend! This Jonas seems very happy that Hanna made a friend, too.

General Comments:

Thirteen minutes?? THIRTEEN MINUTES??

no i’m not bitter

I cannot believe they teased that Hanna/Mia hangout and didn’t deliver. We didn’t even get any IG posts from whatever they were doing.

ok yeah i’m a little bitter. a smidge

Is it normal to be back at school the week following Easter? They weren’t there on Monday but I’ve seen people say they should be off the full week, I think?

Kinda wish we were going full on with the Hanna and Amira friendship but I can see how that scene was mostly there to establish her as a character through Hanna before the Hero Party, and I guess it’s possible that they will bond as a duo at some point. Maybe. I’m not thinking this is gonna be a total overhaul of S1.

Jonas and Hanna being all “it’s about being friends AND being in love” in the texts - goddamn they’re so sweet.

Also from the texts, it sounds like German Eskild is into bears. Man bears, to be clear.

This week’s episode better be at least 20 minutes, you can’t do me like that, Germany. I actually like your take on Norwegian teenagers.

#druck reactions

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topicprinter · 6 years

Link

It seems like every week someone is posting about their "successful" business that makes 6, 7, or 8 figures......but then when inquired further, their business makes no sense at all. They leave out details about their employee / contractor count. They leave out profit margin. They leave out what they get paid.Because the initial story & headline is understandably exciting, these people get lots of upvotes. "1 million in revenue." Awesome, right? And sometimes they have a cool & unique business!However to the people that genuinely care about the #'s & inner workings of the business, the "1 million in revenue" ends up to not be so impressive. It turns out their business is a fucking mess. The poster is bragging about a ticking time bomb, a skyscraper built on no solid grounding.This game isn't about revenue. It's about profitability. It's about sustainability. How much are your employees being paid? How much do you get paid?If you make 1 million a year in revenue, but can only pay yourself $20,000 / year, are you really successful?Some could argue so, and perhaps in some cases it could be seen as successful- such as if this is a step in a longer-term game or you can sell the business for a large payout. But in most cases like these, you've worked yourself 70 hours / week into a J O B you're trapped in, less secure than the average employee & barely scraping by. That's not impressive or something to brag about; what happens to your family when revenue drops by 40k? Anyways, you do realize $20k/year at 70 hours / week is $5.95 / hour, right? Even at 40 hours / week you're at $10.41 / hour.Maybe I have no right to post this. I'm not a super successful entrepreneur. But I have made money online while traveling around the world, and you can see my post history for proof. Nothing I'm doing is impressive by any means, in fact 80% of you would laugh at the amount of $ I'm making.The point isn't to brag; it's to make the point that while my revenue #'s are ridiculously low, my profit margins are high (I'm a freelance digital marketer). As a result I've been able to live a great lifestyle while seeing the world.When I see posts bragging about their high revenues, it's really embarrassing because I've met these people in real life and they work 40-80 hours per week to hardly pay themselves anything. Again I understand that in many cases there's a long-term plan, but please don't post about it until AFTER you've sold your business or are able to pay yourself something decent. I have a friend making millions per year in revenue I used to look up to. As I've gotten to know him deeper, I found out he's struggling with credit card debt & can hardly pay himself anything. He's been envious of me running around the world actually enjoying life while he is trapped in his business all day.We are entrepreneurs for a few reasons: be free & have a great lifestyle, or change the world with our products & vision. The former often sellout with "how to XYZ courses," idealizing the world travel lifestyle (when it is in fact exhausting AF at times). The latter talk about revenues & employee counts but neglect the actual sustainability of their own life & their business (AKA profit).I don't know how specifically we can implement this, but a rule in which you have to be more clear when talking about your business should definitely be implemented. Many people upvote the cool titles and fancy text. But really look into comments & responses and a new story often reveals itself. You can grill me all you want or ask me anything, I'll give it to you straight. But I'll warn you I'm not super successful or impressive, I'm just here to suggest an idea to make this subreddit a bit better for those of us who are genuinely interested in the #'s & details of business, rather than the fancy IG posts & revenue #'s.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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dangerouscrusadefire-blog · 6 years

Text

I did something a bit too late on car insurance?

"I did something a bit too late on car insurance?

you know you have to pay every year car insurance , and at the moment I'm a bit tight on money , I phoned up to cancel my insurance so I could get a refund , but I was 8 months already on my insurance , I wanted that money back so I could pay another car insurance, is just I can't go on paying alot every year, they've kept that money now and my plan didn't go right , I feel totally devasted

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://averageinsurancecosts.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr