#malik's rambles

[malikselfindulgence]

Accidentally drew someone with both tits and top surgery scars and tbh that shit slaps

[alliebirb]

Had to cut the title slide so: welcome to vol. 2 of brainrotted ygo fan assigns character styles, boys edition!

[teecupangel]

Desmond when he's dying: This would've never happened if I was just a pigeon.

Desmond: *Becomes a pigeon in the next life*

Introducing Desmond the Assassins suspiciously long-living pigeon.

(I love this for the sole purpose that turning Desmond into an eagle would have been the most obvious choice but you, nonny, deliberately turned him into a pigeon which is hilarious. Alright, let’s make Desmond’s pigeon life super weird)

=================================

When Desmond woke up as a freaking pigeon, he was annoyed at himself. If he knew he could have been anything, he would have picked an eagle or even a freaking cat.

But nooooo. He just had to think he wanted to be a pigeon of all things.

Goddamn it.

Well, no use bemoaning his own cursed life.

He should get high up and see where the hell he was because this open sky was definitely not the Grand Temple.

…

…

…

Soooooo… how was he supposed to fly?

Just… flap his wings?

Flap

Flap

Flap

Fuck.

It wasn’t working.

Okay.

Maybe he just needed… momentum. Yeah, momentum might help?

So Desmond took a few step-

Sigh.

Desmond took a few hops back before running straight ahead into the edge of the roof where he had woken up on, flapping his wings the entire time and…

Yes! He was flying.

Holy shit, he was flying.

Wait.

Nope.

He was gliding.

He was fucking gliding and he was going down fast.

Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohf-

Slam.

Feathers flew everywhere as he smacked straight to a wall.

As if that wasn’t humiliating enough, he began to skid down, falling into the grassy ground with a pathetic thud.

A shadow appeared over him but he didn’t move.

He could feel one of his wings was now broken.

But more importantly, he was too embarrassed by that pathetic attempt at flying that he’d rather lie down on the ground for a while and contemplate just letting this bird life die out here.

“Are you dead, little one?” A voice that cracked at random asked and Desmond kept his eyes closed in total defeat.

He would like to say ‘yeah, pretty much’ and also 'uh, rude?' but it only came out as a sad cooing sound.

“It’s alright.” He felt hands grab him a bit too roughly, making him let out a pathetic cooing sound once more and the hands lessened their grip. He was cradled into someone’s arms and he was bounced lightly as the person carrying him began to run.

When he finally opened his eyes once more, he blinked when he recognized the gates ahead of them.

The front gates of Masyaf…

He was in Masyaf…

And it wasn’t the Masyaf that he had been in pictures after he heard from Shaun that Masyaf was under Abstergo’s control.

No.

This was the Masyaf he was familiar with.

This was-

“Altaïr.”

The teenager holding him stopped running and held him close as a…

Holy shit.

Was that Al Mualim?

He looked…

Young… ish.

“We had been worried. You shouldn’t leave the training ring without being dismissed.” Al Mualim said in a kind fatherly voice that made Desmond immediately want to peck him.

“I’m sorry, master. It’s just…” The teenager (holy shit, it was Altaïr. Not only that… it was Altaïr with a cracking voice! Desmond couldn’t stop himself from finding this amusing) raised his arms slightly to show Desmond who tried to glare at Al Mualim as a pigeon, “This little one broke its wing when it was trying to fly. I figured the healers might be able to do something about it.”

Al Mualim stared at Desmond for a moment before his eyes softened, “Very well. You’re dismissed today, Altaïr. Have the healers check the pigeon but…”

Al Mualim placed a hand on Altaïr’s shoulder and said, “Do not get your hopes up. Sometimes, it is impossible to fix a thing that is too broken already.”

Altaïr’s hold on Desmond tightened just a bit as he said quietly, “I understand, master.”

Desmond let out a cooing “yeah, fuck you too, asshole” that Al Mualim didn’t respond to, which made sense, since Desmond was now a fucking pigeon.

Ugh.

He just knew this new life of his was going to be a pain.

=================================

(More of an idea summary)

=================================

Altaïr

Desmond spends most of pre-AC1 getting treated for his broken wing and trying to learn how to fly afterward. The recruits and novices like him because he doesn’t act like a normal bird and likes to screech whenever Altaïr tries to leave him (in his defense, he was a grounded bird in a place that likes to find ‘alternative’ uses for stuff they can’t use and he can only think of one way to use a flightless bird who can’t even deliver messages).

He likes sitting on Altaïr’s shoulder. Whenever Abbas is nearby and being annoyed, he uses his minimal ‘flying’ skills to reach Abbas and peck him until he falls (Altaïr is always there to catch him). Because of this, Desmond got a hang of gliding and swooping (the falling is, unfortunately, still his greatest nemesis).

Abbas once threatened to cook Desmond and he almost got his eye pecked out because of it. (then received a very descriptive morbid detail of what Altaïr plans to do to him if he ever just as much try to pluck any of Desmond's feather)

Desmond will not, under any circumstances, eat worms. Kadar is the one who finds out Desmond likes fruits. Altaïr says Desmond is getting fat from all the fruits Kadar is giving him but Desmond pecks him. After that, Altaïr just gives Desmond a disappointed glare every time he sees Desmond eating the fruits Kadar brings him (who likes seeing him eat because Desmond makes this little sweet cooing sounds when he eats).

Malik secretly gives a bit of his own food whenever Altaïr is away because Desmond likes staying with him whenever Altaïr is busy. Malik never tells Altaïr about it and Desmond is a bird so it’s not like he can tattletale on him. However, Desmond’s soft spot for Malik makes Altaïr and Malik have a ‘nicer’ relationship… sorta.

Desmond finally learns to fly during Altaïr’s ‘punishment’. He saw Altaïr being chased by guards after killing one of the nines (maybe Garnier?) and he just… swoopes in to peck the guards to give Altaïr a chance to escape.

Maria is the one who actually asks outright why nobody is asking why this pigeon is still alive? Altaïr just says that it might be connected to the Apple of Eden because it does light up whenever Desmond touches it with his talons (Desmond doesn’t feel anything. It literally just lights up like a touch-activated lightbulb and Desmond is both disappointed and amused at the same time. He uses it to tell Altaïr he's been studying the Apple for too long and he needs to take a break.)

Darim likes giving him fruits too but he stops when Sef was born because he wants to be seen as a responsible big brother. Sef, on the other hand, loves Desmond and plays with him a lot. Desmond becomes an unofficial babysitter because everyone just agrees that the POE must have done something to his brain. That’s the only explanation they could think of as to why Desmond acts so intelligent. Desmond questions everyone's sanity for letting a bird babysit two children.

On the other hand, any time Desmond tries to actually communicate to someone by trying to write on the sand or that one incident where he tipped the ink bottle and used it to make some kind of ‘hand writing’, his words always end up gibberish and Desmond isn’t sure if ‘something’ is making him unable to write properly OR if there was some kind of human speech to bird language thing going on in his mind and that’s why he understands everyone but that shit doesn’t work when he’s trying to write his bird language. (Although, he can’t communicate with any other animals anyway)

Desmond stays with Sef when Altaïr and the other go to assassinate Genghis Khan. At this point, Desmond is a freaking master in bird stealth and manages to find incriminating documents that shows Abbas was planning a coup (Abbas and his cohorts got sloppy now that Altaïr was away). The coup was unsuccessful and Sef and Malik lived. (because fuck canon)

Desmond stays with the Ibn-La’Ahad bloodline (especially Sef’s bloodline) until something inside him suddenly calls to him, creating a golden thread-like mist that only he can see.

Having a feeling of where it was going to take him, Desmond only leaves after staying with his last ‘owner’ until her dying breath.

=================================

.

Ezio

When Desmond gets to Italia, Ezio has just been born.

He stays by the window and watches Ezio. The maids tried to shoo him away whenever they see him. Giovanni sees him at least twice but just thought he was a normal bird.

Ezio grew up seeing him as his guardian angel (“Your guardian angel is a pigeon?” “At least I can see mine!”) and that idea only solidified when he was a teenager who just learned pigeons are not supposed to live this long.

However, Desmond keeps his distance because he knows that people would find it weird (and maybe even the devil’s work) if Ezio has a pet pigeon who is still alive after all these years.

He does, however, always fly near Ezio whenever he used the rooftops and stays with him if they’re in a hiding spot or really high up.

This, inadvertently, helps Ezio be better at freerunning and climbing (and stealth) before that fateful day.

On that fateful day, Desmond leaves Ezio to warn the Auditores by squawking really loudly on the rooftop until Federico had enough and went up to see what has Ezio’s guardian angel all squawking up a storm when it was usually silent. Federico sees the guards coming towards the Palazzo and alerts his father because Desmond made a show of diving in and getting one of the wanted paper that they all had to identify the Auditores and giving it to Federico with a flapping motion that says “run, fucking run!!!”

The Auditores don’t get captured but they had to go into hiding instead. Giovanni tries to talk to his friend Uberto Alberti about this with the evidence but Desmond is not having any of that. Federico is stuck because he’s been ordered to protect his family but Ezio was still out in Firenze so Desmond goes to him and takes him to Giovanni.

Ezio gets there in time to see his father being cornered by guards and he and Desmond helps Giovanni get out.

Unfortunately, the only thing that shows that the Auditores were innocent was with Uberti and he had burned it in front of Giovanni for dramatic effect and because he isn’t stupid.

Left with no choice, the Auditore family leaves Firenze to seek shelter in Monteriggioni.

(Altaïr’s statue has a pigeon on his shoulder and Desmond tries to get Ezio to realize that he’s the pigeon by sitting next to his pigeon statue and mimicking the puffed-up pose. Ezio just chuckles and says “Yes, angelo mio, you are more beautiful than Altaïr’s pigeon”)

=================================

(Okay, that’s as far as I got. If anyone wants me to do a semi-summary/semi-fic continuation of the Kenway soap opera, Arno and the Frye twins, let me know XD)

=================================

(Unorganized ideas)

There is no eagle connection ala Layla Trilogy between Desmond and any of his ‘owners’. He's literally just a pigeon with a long lifespan.

Sef once pinched a feather from Desmond without his approval because he dropped the feather that the Rafiq gave him, Desmond pecked him in the ear the entire time they were back in the bureau and the Rafiq just looked at him with an expression of ‘Do you really think I don’t know the difference between a pigeon’s feather and an eagle’s feather? Bitch, I’ve been Rafiq longer than you’ve been alive.’ but only takes the feather silently while Sef grins at him. It took lots of fruits for Desmond to stop being angry at him (and Sef knew he fucked up because the moment they returned to Masyaf, Desmond sat on Darim’s shoulder with his back turned, making Darim go “What did you do now, Sef?” in that tired older brother tone that he has used so many times by now)

Petruccio absolutely believes Desmond is Ezio’s guardian angel. Claudia and Federico didn’t until Desmond helped them escape

[lifeofafangirl1]

I’m sorry but Zayn Malik is literally one of the least problematic celebrities of 2024. Like he’s just out there doing his own thing and not caring about other peoples opinions. Like bro just dropped a single last summer and dipped for months until he came back dressed as fucking Voldemort for Halloween. Dipped again and then came back last week like “oh hey guys, new single and new album out soon”.

He’s just so unproblematic sitting on his little farm in Pennsylvania with his chillis and 44 pound watermelons and I love him.

[greenlaut]

fuck it,

LIST OF INCENSES I THINK AC 1 - AC UNITY CHARACTERS WOULD LIKE

credentials: (1) incense is a big thing in my country both for daily and religious uses; (2) i have a shit ton of incenses bc i use them regularly

ALTAÏR IBN LA'AHAD — his most familiar scent is frankincense bcs either umar or rashid lit up a lot of frankincense (haha old man incense). BUT his favorite scent is jasmine because it's sweet and calming it's like a soothing balm to his running thoughts and worries. also the scent of jasmine here has supernatural connotations, so i think it's fitting for altaïr as the master assassin herald of death etc etc

MALIK AL SAYF — oud. definitely oud. very charismatic and heavy. definitely suits him bcs as soon u enter his space u will think he's someone not to be trifled with. it also has a family/brotherly connotation to it which suits malik. if u want combination; oud + sandalwood

KADAR AL SAYF — champaca. it's sweet and bright. reminds u of a singing bird maybe? if u catch a whiff of it in the wind it feels like napping in a hazy afternoon.

MARIA THORPE — jasmine with tuberose. almost woody? floral. probably reminds you of moonlit night with silk curtains blowing in the wind

EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE — sandalwood. a classic. with frankincense and myrhh. this scent reminds me of church (our churches usually light these scented incenses). it's heady and heavy. if you smell it too much it can overwhelm you.

LEONARDO DA VINCI — citrus and agarwood. very playful and has creative vibes to it. it also smells very unique and reminds me of a warm person

CONNOR KENWAY — majegau. this one is very specific. majegau is a type of tree sacred to people in bali region (i'm from java so i dont know much). but the scent is very mountainous. it reminds me slightly of sandalwood but much lighter, and gives off a more foresty vibes. it has a very respectful but down-to-earth air to it that suits connor's person

AVELINE DE GRANPRE — citrus and vanilla. i'll be honest i never had this one, but i'm trusting what people said. it's apparently very unique and refreshing scent when burnt. kind of woody surprisingly with just a hint of sweetness to it. i also think aveline would like clove incense. it's sweet and has something underneath that feels like it's ready to strike

ADÉWALÉ — also an oud enjoyer methinks. maaybe oud + frankincense. i think smelling the incense will help settle down his thoughts and pain, bcs it's a very meditative and heady scent. charismatic vibes

EDWARD KENWAY — tobacco, clove, and cinnamon. it's smoky and heady. kind of pirate vibes. it's a very overwhelming scent to some people bcs of the tobacco

HAYTHAM KENWAY — i feel like he has a very old man taste so i'm chucking lotus OR frankincense. i think he'd like both bcs they're the most "classic" incense scents. definitely charismatic tbh

SHAY CORMAC — tobacco. smoky. just a classic "smokes and mirrors". it's kinda sad? it's a very lonely scent i think

ARNO VICTOR DORIAN — vanilla with sandalwood. it's heady and sweet with woody undertone to it. it has a european vibes to it that i personally dont like to light (vanilla doesnt smell good in humid weather to me), but definitely suits arno. it's sensitive yet strong, kind of tragic

ÉLISE DE LA SERRE — rose. definitely rose. cloying, floral, and sweet. has mixed receptions; it's a classic scent but i personally dont like it. i think it suits élise for her complicated nature. flitting and impossible to mistake

fin.

[cycleknots]

In honour of me finally finishing the trials of hell (Attending High School), here are some of my favourite combat-related lore bits in Psychonauts 2

In Compton’s mind (during one of the commercial breaks) you’re shown a cereal box with a bee on it, and are immediately swarmed with regrets, because bees are Cassie, and Cassie is gone.

You fight multiple bad ideas in Hollis’ mind before you alter any of her thoughts (excluding the mental connection tutorial) because Raz didn’t MAKE her snap all on his own, she was already struggling and overwhelmed.

There are doubts in Gristol’s mind, so even though he seems like he truly believes everything he’s been raised to he doesn’t he’s just hoping because he’s worked so hard and at this point he has nothing left to lose.

[anemonator]

I’ve been reading some theories on the status of Grulovia twenty years after the deluge, and speculation seems to range from “it no longer exists” to “it got invaded again” but sometimes I think about the idea of the Grulovia that lived. The Grulovia that survived. The Grulovia that clung on by the skin of its teeth, took every bit of stolen wealth that the Maliks couldn’t take with them, and used it to rebuild. The Grulovia that beat the odds.

I can only imagine what kind of country it would be like. A country of those who stayed behind, of those who wouldn’t - or couldn’t - leave for greener pastures. A country equal parts traumatized, hopeful, and vindicitve. A country with a fear and distrust of psychics that is both deeply unfair and deeply understandable. A country trying to reinvent itself even as it’s still digging itself out of the ice, half trapped in the past and half desperately running from it.

This is all just speculation on my part, of course, but I personally think that, in a hypothetical “Return to Grulovia” storyline, a place like that makes for a much more interesting setting than an uninhabited frozen wasteland. It becomes a lot harder to confront the ghosts of your mistakes when it turns out those ghosts never actually died.

[sc4llywag]

Stupid ask incoming; thoughts on AltMal?

ITS NOT STUPID WHAT

I could go ON about Altmal Jesus I love it sosoosso much it is one of my top ten ships in the WORLD

Firstly they fit together soo well and they totally have chemistry in Ac1 and if you cant see that you're CRAZY

(No offense Altmar shippers)

I believe their relationship is so complex considering Altaïr's faults with being the cause of Kadar's life being lost, considering that Malik HATED his guts and despised him for it after, also being his rival.

You'd really wanna think they'd never work, but Malik fucking does a 180° bigger person thing and CHANGES HIS MIND.

He doesn't forgive him of course, but sees that Altaïr is no longer the arrogant selfish rival he once knew, and changed for the better. I think he saw something admirable in that. That is what I build their relationship off of, it's truly beautiful how they can go through so much, and end up being close and becoming friends once more.

I like to headcanon that Altaïr hates being the grandmaster and always complains to Malik about it when he visits. And he never wears big important robes, keeping his master assassin ones instead :)

I am so in love with Malik and Altaïr already it's so hard not to want them together with how perfect they are with each other <3

They have silly banter and playful competitions constantly and Malik always calls Altaïr novice, inherited from his snarky asshole era.

I have done fanart for them before but i need to do some more, revamped.

Thanks for coming to my ramble aheheheh thank you asker<33

[whumperofworlds]

Making The Roaring Lions in Hero Forge (because fuck AI and picrews are a bit cutesy)

Theo!

Made him a little fatter because we need more fat OCs you know? As an overweight person, I think it's time to make one haha.

And of course, can't go without his boyfriend, Malik!

Kinda standard!

Will remake the others soon!

[starshadyy]

Land of Plenty, Land of Love
Our Fatherland shall rise above!
So blessed we are to have a Gzar
And all his family
The People's complaints
Drowning in prosperity!
Grulovia! Grulovia! Forever shining bright!
Grulovia! Grulovia! You're always right!

Land of sorrow and dismay
Our Fatherland has washed away!
A man bizarre deposed the Gzar
And all his family
The People's remains
Drowning in his treachery!
Grulovia! Grulovia! Ford Cruller murdered you!
Grulovia! Grulovia! An act he'll rue!

Robbed of all their rights of birth
The Royal family roamed the earth!
'Til as he died the Gzar, he cried
Maligula’s alive!
The People rejoiced!
Gristol Malik was their voice!
Grulovia! Grulovia! His father was a dope!
Grulovia! Grulovia! He is our hope!

Gristol Malik's aim was true!

Our fatherland did rise anew
He made a plan, and fooled the man

Who took Maligula
Together they rule

Everything is super cool
Grulovia, Grulovia! We're better than before!

Grulovia, Grulovia! Is great once more!

[malikselfindulgence]

Marek and Mei's love language is biting and mauling and MK is the unfortunate culprit

[chloelouygo]

I finally got to take some pictures of my @aestromeri order! I cannot stress enough how much I love everything here, it's all so pretty and the quality is amazing 😭😭

I forgot I put the stickers on my laptop and got the best surprise when I shut it earlier and saw them asdjfhgfj (yes I know they're upside down, it's so when I shut my laptop *I* get to look at them when my laptop is on the desk, it doesn't leave the house anyway so no one will see them being upside down while it's open lmao)

LOOK HOW PRETTY

Ryou came with me for a walk so I could get pictures and just look at that iridescence!! This is literally the prettiest thing I own, look at his face 😭😭🥰💙💙

That sparkle!!!

Please take a look at their store https://aestromeri.bigcartel.com/products , I am so glad I got to order and I am so happy I get to see these pretty boys every day 😭😭

Thank you @amararala for making the gifs for me! 💜

[solarisstyles]

Heyyyyyy 😅 I haven’t forgotten about this blog I promise. I’ve been going through a lot. I do apologize for ghosting all my readers of Ms.Honey. I want to finish it but the next chapter will take a while to reconstruct and edit. Just a heads up if you’re looking out for it. I appreciate all of the sweet messages and the likes/reblogs on my content.

ALSO, look at this old ass ONE DIRECTION LIVE DVD I found hidden away in a closet 😭

Look at those babies 😭

How have yall been btw? I hope everything is well for the rest of you 🤍

[lifeofafangirl1]

Forever remembering that one time where 1D went on Sesame Street and had to wear long sleeves and flannels to hide their tattoos when Niall just stood in his small short sleeved t-shirt while Harry, Liam, Louis and Zayn had to hide their arms behind their backs 😭

[ow-old-men]

Faces / Changes

Two immortal shapeshifters find each other. Again

——————————⋆♱✮♱⋆——————————

The first time Jaime becomes painfully aware that he is lovely, Kassem wears an unfamiliar face.

It’s not the first time. They’ve stumbled across each other with bodies fresh and impermanent, faces morphed or hidden before and it won’t be the last either. Time has slung them into each other’s orbit uncountable times already. The first time - at what Jaime has heard other, more temporary beings, describe as ‘the dawn of time’ - he’s pretty sure neither of them were much more than formless clouds of heat and potential. If Jamie had figured out how to give himself anything resembling eyes a few millennia before he did, there’s no doubt in his mind that Kassem would have been beautiful, even then.

No, the newness is not anything newsworthy in and of itself and that is not why the realization suddenly carves through his chest like a knife.

Kassem is leaning back on his hands in the shade, his face remade in a cascade of unfamiliar angles, his hands suddenly slender and free of the freckles Jaime spent a week mapping out sometime last century. He would recognize him anywhere.

Jaime puts his hand to the small of some woman's back, parts the sea of people gathered on the square and walks. He knows that Kassem has seen him, knows where this ends and that it still has to begin somewhere. So he stops a couple of meters away from the low table Kassem is sitting at. He wavers on his feet, two women dressed in flowy robes pass between them.

“You look good,” he says and can’t help that there is a breathy, too honest quality to it. Like he’s run miles through the cold, breath stuck in his throat and cheeks flushed. Kass just looks at him, smiles mostly with his eyes. Eyes that, Jaime suddenly notices, have retained their teint of burned amber. A flash of sunset though his midnight gaze. He would have been no less terrifically beautiful with eyes made wholly anew, and yet Jaime finds a pang of gratitude tingles through his spine.

“Thank you,” Kassem says, and like always, he manages to say it like it’s hiding some shared joke, “you too.”

Jaime runs a flighty hand over his own biceps, shrugs almost unapologetically. “Same old, same old.”

Kassem smiles until his eyes nearly close with it. He nods, almost imperceptibly. “Come sit anyway.”

Jaime does.

“What have you been up to?” Kassem asks and raises a teacup to his lips while Jamie shuffles carefully down beside him. Their knees do not touch under the table, but the few centimeters of air between them buzzes like a beehive.

He shrugs. He makes it a point not to count the years and simply let time bubble past like a river. He knows not how many years he is accounting for now, and right now he remembers only dimly exactly what he’s been. Briefly he was a wildfire along the coast of North America, wading through the flames that felt as much a part of him as this current face he wears. For an even shorter amount of time, he planted corn and traveled slowly further south, wearing a man’s face and a wide brimmed hat pulled down low. Mostly he’s waited with no real sense of what all this waiting will net him. At times he wrote flighty diary entries, through the fire scorched the majority and all were in some script he no longer thinks anyone but he could decipher.

“I hear you went on tour?” he says instead and that makes Kassem hunch his shoulders with a sudden burst of laughter.

“A tour?” he asks and the laughter bubbles in his throat and in his voice. Jaime adjusts how he’s sitting, feels the buzzing pride in his hands.

“You wrote, last time, some poetry” he says and is again betrayed by the tone, wistful and secretive like he hadn’t planned for it to be. “I’d hoped you got to share some of it?”

And this time it’s Kassems turn to shrug. He twirls the teacup once, then twice, looks up and Jaime is treated to the freckles suddenly scattered like secrets high on his cheeks. “Most of them weren’t meant for other people.”

At times, Jaime feels crude, almost unfinished, compared to the man beside him. He is a creature of heat and fire and malleable sudden change, and yet he finds that he’s become primarily a creature of habit.

His face is easy, now that he’s learned it’s shape. It stays intact and rarely flickers. He tries, for fun or out of boredom, to reimagine what he could be and finds that he catches glimpses of himself suddenly in mirrors and he’s become the thing he fought to change.

His self seems unavoidable. The shape of his nose the only one he can seemingly dream up. And yet he knows that he changes, right then and there. No blooming freckles, no glint blazing through his iris, but there is something.

“Well, I thought it pretty great.”

“Of course you did.”

He raises his hands reflexively. “I know great art when I see it.”

He’s not sure, but he’s pretty sure Kassem rolls his eyes at him. One of his hands lands on the table with the distinct clink of a ring wrapped around one finger. And it’s like the sound dislodges something in Jaimes chest. Or dislodges something hanging above his head that’s lingered there for a while. He stares, transfixed, at Kassems hands and finds, for the first time consciously, that he is beyond lovely.

Beautiful in a way that defies the very definition of that word. He could be anything - has been anything and then some - and yet the thing that is not beauty would still cling to him. It settles like a dying star in the pit of his stomach. It is almost unbearable when Kassem at last looks over, one brow slightly raised. It is both a question and a declaration that he already knows. Mostly it’s a dare.

Behind them, the crowd shuffles on through the market square.

“Would you care for a walk?” Jaime asks after a beat, exactly like he’s been prompted too. Kassem measures him up once, a darting heartbeat of a look over. Then he nods and stretches a hand out to the side after his cane. The eye contact never wavers.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

The sun is still enormous and orange. Jaime knows from the taste of the air, that the sea isn’t far, but he has no idea what narrow streets he’d have to walk down to get there. It doesn’t feel important anyway. There sits a bubbling laughter in his throat and a flighty restlessness in his palms while Kassem walks and retells most of the time they’ve spent apart.

Then he falls silent. Jaime can almost hear the waves, at least he thinks so. The very air glows in soft orange.

Kassem runs a hand across the back of his skull. One of his thumbs digs into the strong tendon right where the skull and spine become one. His hands are soft.

“I think I’d know you anywhere,” he mumbles and pulls Jaime close until their lips meet. Hungry and soft and familiar. Halfway, Jaime wants to pry his eyes open and see if Kassems face changes and yet stays the same.

He doesn’t. He keeps them screwed shut and takes and takes. His hands find their way to Kassems shoulders, seemingly without needing any instructions. Holds him careful and desperate. He knows, can feel and in no way control, how his own face morphs - folds and becomes. It doesn’t matter. He’s learned by now he can’t become something that doesn’t look like the thing he is. Can’t become something that wouldn’t fit in the way Kass cups a palm around his jaw.

So he stays the same. And changes.

[cycleknots]

A while ago I posted about how there are doubts in Gristol's mind and someone in the reblogs mentioned how there are doubts but not regrets.

And part of me thinks that's because he can't afford to have regrets. His entire life has been dedicated to this one goal. Even if he now doubts the validity of his beliefs, admitting to it and regretting it means that it was all for nothing.