#marriage in Islam

[jujusjunk]

[deepthinkerthings]

Marriage obligation and age

They said right now it's not the time for me to choose a spouse Accept whoever comes who wishes to marry you is that the correct suggestion? i don’t think so Put aside my age, I think whoever wishes to marry should assess the person you will marry unless you want to make your life a complete disaster You are not solving the problem instead; you are creating another one which is bigger than before You should love and value yourself

[ahl-e-dil]

My dear sisters, a man that fears Allah will never hurt you.

[aux-squiggle]

Understand that men and women are fundamentally the same. They were treated as such in our pre-civilization hunter-gatherer societies. The issue rests in the rise of imperialism, around 12,000 years ago or earlier. As many civilizations have pillaged and colonized other tribes seeking to hold ownership over them and have executive control, men seek to have executive control over the resource women possess.

As a class, we (women) generally have the ability to give birth, and can be widely expected to have this ability at some point in our lives. Childbirth is a fundamental resource, necessary for the multigenerational survival of a group. Like imperialists, men imperialize upon women, the owners of the childbirth resource, in order to control it.

In fact, for an imperial force to go out and oppress other tribes and societies, they must imperialize themselves, wherein the men imperialize upon women. They must wake up and go to sleep in imperialism. They must etch it into the folds of their brains, and convince themselves this is the natural order of humanity.

This imperialism is a patriarchy. Where women are subdued and silenced in totality, their names barely kept in the records, all treated like a resource. To further the subjugation and harden the chains, they use rape, beating, economic exclusion, verbal violence, and many other forms to keep women below them.

As such, for the past 12,000 years, men's very identities have moulded themselves around the oppression of women. Men implicitly and explicitly know they do not have the childbearing, baby-feeding, resource; they can only activate the former. This creates an envy.

Though men would seldom like to be impregnated and carry a child for themselves, the fact that the childbearing resource is in the body of an animate human, a woman, rather than belonging to men, or available in an inanimate harvest, is where the envy lies. The day when a man felt he wished for birth to be harvestable, rather than blessed upon him (likely the day he wished for food to be harvestable, rather than for nature to bless it upon him), is the day the envy became (perceivedly) insurmountable.

Envy causes insecurity, and insecurity causes vapidity. Vapidity harms the ego, ego of which instilled into us long ago as single-celled organisms, as ego is hand-in-hand with self preservation. The ego is the end result of the identity, and a harmed ego is a harmed identity.

Instead of to backtrack along the source of this harm, the men chose to overcompensate for their harmed identity. Instead of exist with a piece missing, and to realize the root of their bruised ego is the viewing of birth as a commodity to be harvested, they solidified birth's commodity status by lording themselves over women.

Men live in a fake identity. Their concept of self is centered around women, however instead of looking up to women, they look down upon us. They look upon women with disdain, apply pain, suffering, and create religions saying the creator of the universe intended this suffering to be so.

They created a code of conduct for themselves; masculinity, to compensate for lack of identity, and created it to be in opposition to whatever woman was. They created a code of conduct for women; femininity, and created it to embody subjugation and enslavement. They brainwashed us and themselves to believe femininity is inherent to womanhood, and to believe masculinity is inherent to manhood.

Open your eyes to the men who cry "misandry," as you will see what they consider misandry is an attack on their identity, and their identity is misogyny. As such, it can only be reasonable to be misandristic, insofar as one's misandry is an attack on misogyny, and every branch of same.

[his-vibez]

When the pain gets deeper,

Hold on to Allah tighter.

Because in reality, you need nothing but Allah.

And suddenly, it feels lighter.

Your heart feels calm,

Because with Allah,

You have everything you need.

In the end no medicine could heal my pain,

But a deep conversation with my Lord did.

[hamdosana]

Blood makes you a relative but love makes you a family. May Almighty Allah increase love in our families & friends. Ameen

[tamamita]

Is someone who is "permanently" married allowed to enter a mu'tah marriage to another person, without consent or knowledge of their "permanent" spouse? (I use the word permanent because im unsure of the word for the more permanent marriage)

No, explicit consent is needed

[ich-brauch-dich-hier]

via @/zenabakka1 on tiktok

[fluffy-appa]

Shaykh ibn Uthaymin رحمه الله:

It is not permissible for the husband to treat his wife badly and then demand that she treats him well.

For indeed this is from the injustice mentioned in the statement of Allah:

وَيْلٌ لِّلْمُطَفّ��فِينَ

Woe to Al-Mutaffifin (those who give less in measure and weight (decrease the right of others ) while demanding their own rights in full)

فتاو علماء البلد الحرام

[islamicrays]

Ya Allah,when we are ready for the responsibilities, grant us nikāh without divorce,a spouse without fitnah,and healthy children without illness.

Allahumma Ameen

[ynx1]

Beautiful Reminder 🤍

[secular-jew]

This is modern Islam. Forcing a 9-yr old girl to get married to a 50-yr old man.

[his-vibez]

When we love, we don't look around, just as in prayer, our gaze stays lowered. Love demands sincerity, just like prayer.

It requires our full attention and devotion, with hearts that are fixed on the beloved, just as we remain mindful of Allah during our prayers.

[hamdosana]

“Love someone because of Allah, Allah will make it last forever. Leave someone for Allah, Allah will give you someone much better.”

[lilacmuse]

What qualities should a man seek in himself before seeking a wife?

If a man-

-Has the courage, clarity, and confidence to be honest, clear, & direct about his intentions with the woman he desires

-Has a high level of emotional intelligence, empathy, self-awareness, & patience

-Has a deep level of humility, maturity, & accountability; is guided by his soul, not his ego

-Has a deep connection with God that defines his character, behavior, and priorities, makes his faith the foundation of his life, & actively strives to become a better Muslim

-Is good with kids & animals; has compassion toward all vulnerable creatures

-Has a presence & aura that feels unconditionally loving, safe, reassuring, & protective

-Is trustworthy, principled, authentic, and sincere

-Knows who he is and what he wants; doesn't let the outside world influence/define him or dictate his decisions

-Doesn't define his masculinity by material success or possessions, but by his integrity, principles, & values

-Has the passion, drive, & discipline to go after what he truly wants

-Is calm-tempered & able to be patient, understanding, & forgiving when upset

-Has the ability to be firm & brave with the world but tender, gentle, & loving with the woman he loves

-Has a deep sense of purpose & a clear vision of the future he wants to build for her

-Has haya & ghayra both publicly and privately; isn't flirtatious, promiscuous, or known for messaging/liking/pursuing lots of different women

-Is respectful, chivalrous, & well-mannered in the way he carries & expresses himself

-Is comfortable being vulnerable, open, & expressive with the woman he loves

-Views his partner as an equal & a human being, not a lifeless object to be dominated and possessed

-Genuinely likes women, honors and respects them intellectually, & is secure enough to not feel threatened by a woman's intelligence, attractiveness, etc

-Takes care of himself physically (bonus points if he has a nice beard, dresses well, has an impressive book collection, & smells like pine trees/cedar/musk)

...then he'd probably be any woman's ideal husband. I don't think anyone ever feels 100% ready, but when you meet the woman of your dreams, she'll inspire you to level up and become the man you've always wanted to be, and she'll believe in you enough to make anything feel possible.

For more insight into healthy masculinity:

I heard this phenomenally brilliant lecture on Islamic masculinity by Shaykh Mahdi Rastani a few weeks ago and absolutely loved it, 10/10... the only thing i'd add is that emotional strength & vulnerability aren't mutually exclusive; i love when a man has both: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVa7qEZo_nM

I've also always loved this TED talk on masculinity from Justin Baldoni... i don't keep up with celebrities at all, but i can see why he has such a loyal fanbase; this is exactly the kind of masculinity the world needs & women crave: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74O7RPZt9Pc

Lastly, the humor in this video is a little vulgar, but this is one of my favorite comedic videos on masculinity... i've probably re-watched it at least 20 times bc it's so comforting to hear a kind, level-headed man call out misogynistic weirdos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePKugerH3Ls

[wrappedinamysteryy]

Topic: In-law Relationships

Tbh, what scares me is that even after I have to leave my parents’ home, there isn’t a single soul who will take care of them like I would. The thought of them suffering as they grow older, losing strength, becoming powerless, and having no one to lean on truly scares me. Sure, those blessed with a son can have a wife who might be kind enough to care for their parents, but it might never be the same. I don’t expect it to be. It would be a miracle. They could hire help, but it wouldn’t be the same as my care. A daughter's care.

I know it’s not mandatory for daughters-in-law or sons-in-law to take care of their in-laws, but it’s a commendable act of companionship. It nourishes and consolidates the marital bond. It helps them express dutifulness to their parents. And Allah would reward them.

If I ever get married, I am willing to care for my father-in-law and mother-in-law with all my heart, hoping Allah will care for my parents after I am gone. After all, my in-laws raised my future spouse, the one I plan to love and spend the rest of my life with, who I hope will be a good person. It’s a basic act of decency, love, and kindness to love and care for them as they grow older and weaker. I wish they would have a comfortable life in their remaining days, as Allah has planned. Of course, this doesn’t apply to abusive households. Steps must be taken to improve or deal with those situations. But that's for another post someday, In Sha Allah.

Lastly, I just wish both parties were kind. I wish when a son or daughter marries, they would wholeheartedly accept their in-laws, and the in-laws would accept their son or daughter-in-law with love, care, and kindness. Sadly, things don’t always work that way. Often, no matter what you do, you will always be that "porer ghorer meye" or "porer ghorer manush." I wish people would accept this "porer ghorer chele/meye" and their family because not everyone has bad intentions, and nobody deserves to be treated as "por" in such a situation.

-Mona Al Kabir

Picture from Pinterest.

Translation: "Por" means outsider. So, basically, considering in-laws and sons-in-law/daughters-in-law as outsiders, not family.