#maybe beej gave them to her

[tabooiart]

have i ever told yall i love lydia

[diamondcitydarlin]

----LOTS OF SPOILERS FOR THE FILM BELOW BE AWARE---

The thing that's driving me kinda CRAZY about the sequel though is how perfectly it sets up a personal arc for Lydia to be intertwined with Beej's. Like I said in my reaction post after seeing the film last night, I feel like Lydia as a character doesn't really get much of an arc or a resolution by the end of the story, as most of the plot is focused on repairing her relationship with her daughter, with Delia, maybe even her ex-husband to a certain extent, and for as much as she's rid of someone actually preying on her (Rory) we have no reason to believe she's found inner peace or really discovered herself or isn't still constantly popping pills to help with the 'gift' of sight she still has to deal with. There's so much about her left unresolved that Tim is either going to have to make another film about or I will have to fanfic about. But again, what's also fascinating is the way the beats of Lydia's story become tangled up with Beej's by the end of this, and also the ambiguous suggestion that there might be some kind of red string of fate linking them together across life and death and centuries (my kingdom for Beej saying "I've crossed oceans of time to find you" in a deep sexy Dracula voice and Lydia being like "plz shut the fuck up" LMAO)

Like, the 'psychic connection'. The thing that makes Lydia able to see and interact with Beej in places other than the house/model in Winter River. At first I think we're led to believe these are genuine hallucinations she's having, but ofc that's debunked when Beej reveals he's aware of these sightings and has been participating in them on purpose. Does this suggest that their first marriage may have been binding in some way that didn't release him from death, but allowed him more range to manifest so long as he was attached to her? That's not really addressed or explained, but I feel like it opens the possibility of being a thing (as so many fanfics have had happen before, I LOVE it tbh)

Also, the parallel of them both having had predatory exes that tricked them into 'selling their souls' (one in a figurative sense, the other literally lmao). I'm honestly shocked more conclusions weren't drawn from that conspicuous parallel in the film itself, because it's VERY interesting. It seems almost to suggest they're both meant to safeguard each other's souls (which is why I'm still bitter we didn't get Lydia defending him from Delores, I think that would've been a nice follow up to Beej saving her from Rory, even if she was just doing it out of a sense of obligation).

And idk, on the whole I feel a lot of Lydia's personal struggle at this point in her life is defined by a need to feel 'normal'. I get how that can seem odd coming from the teen girl that confidently described herself as 'strange and unusual', but this is 30 years later, after several failed relationships, after becoming a mom and struggling with a strained relationship with her daughter because of her oddity, idk, I think it's a good case study on how society forces women to conform lest they be a bad daughter or a bad mom or a bad wife, etc, but I think it's obvious she's just fighting her 'strange and unusual' nature and the more she does that, the more difficult her life will be.

To me, that suggests her path to happiness has actually a lot to do with Beej, or very well could. Who else is going to understand her true nature the way he does? Who else is going to unashamedly encourage her to be balls to the wall weirdo like she REALLY is??? Who else can truly set her free that way??? Like I'm gnawing on wires here yall, if nothing else Tim gave us SO much fanfic material to work with on this one.

[fedcrypt]

THE WAYWARD HOME

beetlejuice verse x female!reader

WRITING WARNINGS: established relationship with lydia deetz, beej is here and is bestie coded, also reader can feel energies and see ghosts when she channels into her ability!

XOXO, CHESHIRE — i love lydia sm and i wanted to make a really small ramble about the beautiful house that the deetz found and took from barbara and adam after their passing plus how beej would react to lydia finding someone <3!

the moment that lydia had brought her home, she had felt a safe comforting presence in that seemingly interesting house that everyone was curious about. y/n had felt at home, alongside her girlfriend.

there was something, some form of energy that resided here, one that made her happy and the poor girl couldn’t figure out what that was. maybe it was the deranged artwork that was put outside in the front yard.

maybe it was the nice dark wooden tones mixed with the pretty wallpaper upon the walls that gave it a similar sense to a nice little funky shaped cottage. maybe it was the small yet sensible kitchen that had been redone and made more modern by lydia’s step mother who hadn’t fully destroyed the previous style of the home during a second remodel.

it seemed like a lot of memories were made in that kitchen even with the remodel and it made the young woman smile softly to herself as she stood there while lydia awkwardly explained the situation of changing up the kitchen. the energy that sounded throughout the kitchen made y/n perk up even more as she felt someone staring at her from the entryway of the kitchen. she knew that lydia and herself were the only ones in the house and perhaps it was one of the rumored ghosts that the town had spread around.

her (e/c) eyes scanned around the room until it lead her to the doorway where she saw a man dressed in a black and white striped suit grinning wildly at her and she knew it meant trouble. “oh dude, the green really doesn’t go with the outfit.” y/n remarked before she could stop herself and her girlfriend immediately stopped rambling about some appliance in the kitchen before turning to face the (h/c) haired woman.

“lydia, babes, how dare you break my heart like this?” the ghoulish man remarked as he placed two hands over his heart to make a jointed fist and collapsed onto the ground upon the sight of seeing his beloved lydia with someone else. “you are quite literally the most dramatic thing i’ve seen.” y/n quipped with a grin as she saw the green haired man look up at her with quirked brows and a smirk upon his face.

“you can see him?!” the raven haired woman nearly screeched as she looked between her ghostly bestfriend and her lover. “surprise i’ve seen ghosts and others since i was a child.” the other woman replied as she chuckled and helped the ghost, who was begging her with a look similar to puppy eyes, off of the ground and he was quick to pull her down with him. “oh babes can we keep her? please, oh please, oh pretty please.”

beetlejuice had glanced over at lydia whom was grinning and trying to stop herself from laughing about the situation. “hmmm i guess she’s alright to keep around.” lydia teased as her girlfriend gasped at the absurdly of her teasing words which was nearly drowned out by beetlejuice’s loud cackling as he grabbed lydia’s hand and pulled her down with them, leaving the three of them intertwined in a weird embrace upon the marble flooring, which was the sight that had greeted barbara and adam, a few moments later.

[bjfinn]

MOTHER'S DAY

"Mom???"

"It's so good to see you again, Pumpkin," Emily said. "I've missed you."

Lydia jumped up and threw her arms around her mother, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh, God, Mom! " she exclaimed, laughing and crying at the same time. "I've missed you so much! I -- I ... oh, God! "

Emily hugged her tightly, and then she held the girl at arm's length. "I'm back."

Lydia sniffed loudly. "But ... how? "

"I -- I don't know," Emily replied, shaking her head.

"Are you ... are you real? " But Lydia knew the answer -- she'd felt the warm of her mother's touch, the beating of her heart. Emily Deetz was back. In the flesh.

Then a thought occurred.

"Beej," Lydia said. "It was Beej. He brought you back. Somehow." Ghost zombie Jesus, indeed.

At the sound of his name, Beej appeared. "Hey, Lyds!" he said, grinning. "What's going ---" He stopped, eyes wide, gaping comically at the woman standing beside his BFFFF. "Holy crap! "

"Beej!" Lydia exclaimed, grinning happily. "You did it! Thank you so much!"

The demon shut his mouth and shook his head. "N-no," he replied. "No, I didn't do this. I'm don't know how it happened, but it wasn't me."

Lydia's brows furrowed. "If it wasn't you ... then how --" She looked back and forth between them in confusion.

"I don't know," Beej said. "I don't think this has ever happened before."

He stepped up to Emily, eyes narrowing in suspicion. "Who are you really? "

"Beej!" Lydia chided. "It's my mom -- I know it's her! I can feel it."

The demon sniffed at Emily like a dog. "You don't smell like a demon," he said at last. He shook his head. "No, you're not a demon, or a ghost -- you're a breather. You're really Lydia's mom?" he asked.

Emily nodded.

"I don't get it," Beej said. "I mean ... why you? Why are you the only breather who gets to come back? What's so special about you? "

"I don't know," Emily replied.

Beej shook his head again, trying to process. "Well," he said. "This sure complicates things."

"What do you mean?" Lydia asked.

"Dee," came the reply. "She's married to your dad now, remember?" His hair turned purple. "You get your mom back, but I'm gonna lose mine."

Lydia's face fell. "I ... I'm sorry," she said. "I hadn't thought of that."

"Beej," Emily told him. "I'm not going to make Delia go away -- I don't want to disrupt anything. I don't know why I came back, but I'm sure it wasn't for that. I just want to be part of my daughter's life -- for as long as I can. You won't lose Delia because of me, I promise."

He looked down at the floor, unconvinced. She put a finger under his chin and gently lifted it, raising his gaze. "You've been a very good friend to Lydia," she told him. "And you're a part of this family now -- a very important part."

The side of Beej's mouth twitched.

Lydia put her arms around him. "You're my best friend," she told him. "More than that -- you're my big brother. You're not going anywhere, and neither is Delia."

Beej smiled tentatively. "You mean it?"

Lydia nodded and gave him a playful punch on the arm. "Yeah, you big dweeb!" she replied.

"Okay," the demon said, grinning happily, his hair green once more. "Uh ... what are we gonna tell Chuck and Dee?"

*****

"Lydia -- Pumpkin -- what do you mean Emily's back?"

"It's true, Daddy -- Mom came back," Lydia replied. "I don't know how, and I don't know why, but she came back from the dead."

"Lydia," Charles said, shaking his head ruefully. "People don't return from the dead -- it's just not possible."

"After everything that's happened -- after meeting Beej -- how can you be sure?

'There are more things in Heaven and Earth', and all that."

Charles took a breath, held it for a moment and then let it out. "Good point."

"Who's to say what's possible and what isn't?" Delia said. "Maybe Lydia's grief was so strong that ... something took pity on her and decided to do something about it." She looked at Lydia. "Are you sure it wasn't Beej?"

"He says it wasn't," Lydia replied. "And I believe him -- he was shocked when he saw my mom standing there."

"Uh ... where is your mother now?" Charles asked.

"She's waiting in my room -- I wanted to prepare you before you saw her." She went over to her bedroom door and opened it. "Okay, Mom," she said.

Charles and Delia both gasped when Emily came out of Lydia's room, Beej following.

"Hi, Charles," she said. "Miss me?"

Charles jumped up and raced over to her, and he gathered her into his arms. Tears began to spill down his cheeks. "Emily," he breathed. "Emily -- it really is you." He released her and smiled. "You look just like I remember."

He looked over at Delia. "Emily," he said. "This is Delia -- my, uh ..."

"Your wife," Emily finished, smiling. "I know. I'm glad you found someone else." To Delia she said, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Delia. I want to thank you for everything you're doing for Charles and Lydia. And I want you to know that I don't want to take your place in this family -- you're Charles' wife and Lydia's step-mother. That won't change, I promise you."

"Th-thank you," Delia said. "It's nice to finally meet you, Emily."

"I understand that you've become a mother of sorts to Beej, as well."

Delia nodded. "We've become very close," she replied. "Uh ... have you met Adam and Barbara? They're the former owners of our house."

"They're ghosts," Beej said. "We all live here together."

Emily's eyes widened. "Really? Well, that's certainly --"

"Strange and unusual?" Lydia quipped. "Yeah, you could say that."

"I'll call 'em," Beej said. "BABS! SEXY! COME AND MEET LYDIA'S MOM!"

A moment later, the Maitlands came running down the stairs. They stopped short when they saw Emily.

"Oh, my God!" Barbara exclaimed, covering her mouth with both hands.

"How did --" Adam began.

"Who knows?" Beej said with a shrug. "Who cares? Point is, Lydia got her mom back! And we're all gonna be one great big happy family!"

*****

"How do you feel about Emily being back?" Delia asked the next morning.

Beej shrugged. "I'm happy for Lyds," he said. "She seems like a nice person."

"But?"

Beej sighed. "I mean, what if she and Chu-- Dad -- decide they wanna be together again? What happens to you? You're gonna leave ... and I don't wanna lose you -- you're my mom."

"Oh, honey -- that's not going to happen," Delia reassured him. "Emily said she doesn't want to come between me and Charles, and Charles isn't the kind of man to do that. He believes in the sanctity of marriage. And neither of them would want to put Lydia through that.

"And besides," she said, giving him a hug, "we don't know if her being back is permanent yet." She looked at him. "Do ... do you know?"

The demon shook his head. "No," he told her. "I never heard of anything like this happening before." He paused. "I hope it is permanent -- it'll kill Lydia to lose her mom a second time."

*****

"Are you and Daddy going to get back together?"

"Like I said, I have no intention of coming between your father and Delia."

"Good," Lydia said. "I mean, I'm really happy you're back and I hope it's for good, but I don't like the idea of my mother being the other woman, you know?"

Emily smiled. "Neither do I."

"And besides, Delia and Beej have become really close -- she's kind of his new mom now, ever since he came back after killing Juno."

"Who's Juno?"

"She was his real mom," Lydia told her. "She was a demon, and she hated him. She was always so mean to him. And when she crashed our wedding --"

"What?"

"It was a green card thing -- Beej needed somebody to marry him so he could become human. Anyway, she tried to take us all to Hell, but he killed her and saved all of us. Then he went to find his father, and when he came back a few months later, we all ... kind of adopted him -- especially Delia."

"I see."

"Yeah, so it'd kill him if she left -- and he's my best friend. And my big brother now. I don't want him to get hurt."

"Well," Emily said, "you have nothing to worry about -- I promise."

*****

Over the next few days, Emily settled into the family -- but there was a bit of awkwardness with Charles.

"Charles," she said, "I think we need to talk about ... the situation."

He took a deep breath. "I suppose you're right."

"First, let me assure you that I have absolutely no intention of disrupting your new life with Delia -- she's your wife now, and I respect that."

"I'm glad to hear that," he replied. "I still love you, and I always will, but ..."

"Good," she said. "I mean, I'm glad we're on the same page."

"Besides, it wouldn't be good for Lydia -- she's been through enough."

"Yes, she has," Emily agreed. "But you've done a wonderful job with her."

Charles shook his head ruefully. "No, I haven't," he told her. "In fact, I almost ruined everything. After you died, I thought the best thing to do would be not to talk about you -- I thought it would make both of us feel worse. I couldn't see that talking about you, reminiscing about you, was exactly what she needed.

"And I hired Delia to be Lydia's life coach because I thought she was wallowing in her grief -- but I was the reason she was wallowing. I pushed her away, and she very nearly killed herself because of it. If it hadn't been for BJ ..." He shook his head again. "That demon was more of a help to her than her own father."

"You made some mistakes," Emily said. "Everybody does. But you thought you were doing the right thing -- that's all anyone can do. And you were struggling with your own grief, so don't be too hard on yourself."

"You always did know how to make me feel better," he conceded, smiling. "Welcome back, Emily."

*****

"Lydiaaa!!! " Beej wailed. "Why didn't you tell me about Mother's Day???"

"Sorry -- it didn't occur to me that you didn't know about it."

"How many holidays do you breathers have, anyway?"

"Lots."

He scowled comically. "Great. So how do we celebrate this one?"

"By showing our mothers how much we love and appreciate them."

"Okay, uh ... I don't know how to do that."

"It's not as much work as Christmas," she assured him. "I always used to get my mom some flowers and make her breakfast in bed, and we'd spend the day together."

"Flowers, breakfast, spend the day together -- got it. Uhh ... how much time do we have?"

"It's tomorrow."

"Tomorrow??? How are we gonna do all that in time for tomorrow???"

"Relax," Lydia said, laughing. "We'll go get the flowers this afternoon, and we'll do a brunch instead of breakfast." She stopped. "We should include Barbara, too -- she's been like a mom to both of us, and Mother's Day would probably be a little hard on her since she had a miscarriage."

"Yeah," Beej agreed. "Sometimes I feel bad for her and Adam."

*****

"Happy Mother's Day!"

Emily, Delia and Barbara, seated at the dining room table as Lydia had instructed, turned to see the teenager and her adopted ghost-demon brother enter -- each bearing a tray of brunch dishes.

"Oh, my!" Barbara exclaimed. "What is all this?"

"Pancake tacos, sun-dried tomato, mushroom and spinach tofu quiche, morning glory muffins," Lydia replied with a smile. "Also kiwi-mango-pineapple smoothies ... and mimosas, of course."

"I made those," Charles said from the doorway.

"This is wonderful!" Emily said. "Thank you both!"

"And it's all vegan," Beej added. "So my mom can have it, too. Don't worry, though," he added, "it all tastes good -- I tried everything, just to make sure."

Delia smiled warmly at her adopted ghost-demon son. Thank you, she mouthed. "There's so much food!"

Barbara picked up her mimosa glass. "Here's to our weird and wonderful family!" she said.

*****

Once brunch was over, Adam and Charles did the dishes while Delia, Barbara and Emily finished their mimosas in the living room.

"What do you guys wanna do today?" Lydia asked.

"Would anyone be interested in a little yoga?" Delia suggested.

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" Barbara said. "I always wanted to take up yoga."

"Me, too," Emily chimed in. "I never got around to it before."

"Do you guys want to join us?" Delia asked Lydia and Beej.

"Yoga?" Lydia said doubtfully. "I don't think so ..."

"Ah, come on!" Beej cajoled. "It's fun -- you get to twist yourself into a pretzel!"

Lydia chuckled at that. "Well ... okay, I guess one time won't kill me. Let me go get changed." She headed to her room and closed the door.

"BJ and I have been doing yoga as part of his therapy," Delia explained to Emily.

"Therapy?"

"To help him, uh ... integrate better into life with people."

"Hey!" Beej said, scowling.

"Sorry -- the living," she corrected herself. "After all, demons are people, too."

Beej grinned. "We also do other things," he said. "My favourite is art therapy. Afterwards I'll show you my drawings. Uh ... if you want."

"I'd like that," Emily told him.

Beej grinned shyly, his hair turning bright green. "Babs is teaching me pottery and Adam's teaching me woodworking, Chuck takes me birdwatching, Lyds gave me her old camera ... and Dewey's teaching me music -- I can play along by tuning into somebody else's thoughts when they play, but he's teaching me how to play on my own."

"Sounds like they're keeping you very busy!" Emily said, smiling.

"Yeah, it's exhausting!" the demon replied. He blew out his cheeks in an exaggerated sigh. Then he smiled. "It's fun, though."

So Dewey's a musician?"

"Yeah, he's the best! He was gonna be a big rockstar, but ... well, he got kicked out of his band. Now he teaches music at a fancy private school in Staten Island."

"Okay," Lydia said, reappearing. She had changed into a t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants that Delia had given her when Charles had first hired her to be the girl's life coach. "I'm ready for yoga."

"You kept them," Delia said, smiling.

"I just hadn't gotten around to getting rid of them yet," Lydia replied, rolling her eyes. "But I gotta admit, they are kinda comfy."

*****

"So?" Delia asked Lydia. "What do you think of yoga now?"

Lydia gave her a sidelong glance. "Yeah, okay ... I didn't hate it."

Delia hugged her, squealing with delight. "I knew you'd love it if you just gave it a chance!"

"I didn't say I loved it."

"But you will!" Delia said, booping the girl on the nose. Lydia rolled her eyes.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Delia said.

"No, let me," Lydia told her. She and Beej returned a moment later, their arms laden with flowers -- white lilies, pink carnations, yellow mums, blue irises. With a flourish they presented the blossoms to the three women.

"Oh!" Emily exclaimed. "These are beautiful!"

"I'll get something to put them in," Barbara said and headed for the kitchen. She returned with three vases, and she and the others began arranging the flowers while Beej looked on -- his experience with flowers was limited to eating them.

Thank you so much, both of you!" Delia said, hugging Lydia and Beej. Emily hugged them as well, and then Barbara.

"And thank you for including me, even though ..."

"You've been a mother to both me and Beej," Lydia told her. "Any kid would have been lucky to have you as their mom. I'm sorry you never got the chance -- you and Adam would've made awesome parents."

Barbara shrugged ruefully. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be." Then she smiled. "Maybe we didn't get the family we wanted, but we got the family we needed."

"Be right back," Beej said.

"Where are you --" Lydia began, but he'd already disappeared.

The demon returned a moment later, a sheaf of papers in his hands. "Wanna see my art?" he asked Emily, a look of pride on his face.

She nodded, and he handed the small stack of drawings to her. She looked at each in turn -- they were much better than she would've expected. "These are really good!" she said. "I can't believe you've only been drawing for a few months."

Beej grinned broadly, his hair blushing pink as he bit his lip. "Thanks," he said.

"He's a natural," Delia agreed.

"Show my mom your photos," Lydia suggested.

He disappeared again, and returned with a photo album. Then he brought the small collection of pottery pieces he'd made, followed by some examples of his woodworking.

"I never would've thought that a demon could be so creative -- and have so much talent in so many different areas," Emily said. "I guess there's more to your kind than meets the eye."

"Nah," he demurred. "I'm ... different from most demons. I got bullied a lot when I was a kid, because I'm a halfbreed."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Beej," Emily told him. "But at least now you have people who love you and care about you."

*****

For dinner, Charles had ordered from Winter River's finest restaurant -- the same one that had catered their first dinner party.

"Don't worry," he said. "No shrimp cocktails or suckling pig this time."

"Yeah, we're still sorry about that," Adam said.

"Don't be," Charles replied. "The Deans loved it. Of course, they always were a bit off. But I have to admit it was rather fun -- rather frightening, but fun."

When the delivery arrived, the three women sat at the dining room table while the others transferred the food to serving platters and brought them to the table. A wedge salad starter with Italian dressing, followed by a chateaubriand roast au jus, accompanied by sautéed baby carrots, petits pois, asparagus and mashed potatoes, and for Delia a harissa-spiced butternut squash half with maple drizzle.

"This looks amazing!" Delia gushed. "That roast looks absolutely sumptuous!" She looked around sheepishly. "Would ... would anyone mind if I ... had a taste? It's just that it's been so long since I had meat ... I'm wondering if it's still as good as I remember."

With a chuckle, Charles carved her a couple of slices and drizzled them with the jus.

Delia used her knife and fork to cut a piece and tentatively brought it to her lips. She put it in her mouth and began to chew, and then she let out a moan.

"Oh, my God, that's SOOO good! " She cut another piece. "You don't know how good this is after all those years of eating brown rice and tofu!" She looked up then, a look of embarrassment on her face. "I mean, I love vegan food -- there's so much more to it than that. But ..."

"It's all right," Charles said, smiling at his wife. "No one is judging you. It's entirely up to you whether you still want to be a vegan or not."

She smiled, still a bit embarrassed. "I -- I'll think about it."

*****

"This has been a wonderful Mother's Day," Emily said. "I'm very glad that I got to come back for it -- whoever, or whatever is responsible."

"Do you think you're back for good?" Lydia asked.

"I don't know, Pumpkin," came the reply. "I hope so." She stood up and pushed her chair in, then suddenly she reeled slightly.

The others rose from their seats, alarmed. Charles put his arm out for Emily to steady herself on.

"Mom?" Lydia said , worried. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I ... I don't know -- I feel ... dizzy. Tired. Like before -- like the first time."

Lydia lifted her mother's hand and placed two fingers on Emily's wrist. The pulse was weak and thready. "Mom. No, not again -- please."

"I'm sorry, baby," Emily said. "I ... I guess my coming back was only temporary."

"No!" Lydia cried. "There must be something we can do, some way --"

"Something ... something is pulling me back," she said.

"No! " Beej exclaimed, his hair flashing crimson. "No! " He looked up at the ceiling, his face a mask of rage. "NO!!!" he roared. "I WON'T LET YOU TAKE HER AWAY!!! YOU LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU BASTARDS!!!"

Lydia stood up and went over to him. "Beej," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He shrugged it off roughly. "No!" he said angrily. "It's not fair! " He looked up again. "WHY LET HER COME BACK IF SHE CAN'T STAY??? HUH??? ANSWER ME, YOU COWARDS!!! WHY??? "

"BJ," Charles said quietly.

"YOU FUCKERS!!! I'LL FIND A WAY TO BRING HER BACK FOR GOOD!!! " the demon roared at the heavens. "EVEN IF I HAVE TO DESTROY EVERYTHING!!! MY BEST FRIEND IS GONNA GET HER MOM BACK -- OR ELSE!!! "

"Beej, no," Lydia told him firmly. "Don't."

He looked at her, equal measures of rage and pain in his expression. ''But ... RRRAAAAHHHH! " he snarled in helpless fury. He took a deep breath, and then another, and another. "I'm calm, I'm calm," he said, as much to convince himself as anyone else. "Okay ... yeah, I'm good." He smiled awkwardly at Lydia, and then he looked up again. Biting his lip, he angrily raised both middle fingers and waved them around at the ceiling.

He blew out his cheeks in a loud sigh.

"It's all right, Beej," Emily said. "I got to come back and spend a bit more time with my family -- that's more than anyone else gets."

"Yeah,'' the demon replied. "But now everyone has to go through the grief and pain of losing you a second time." He went over to Emily and sat on the bed beside her. "I promise," he said, taking both of her hands in his, "if there is a way to bring you back for good, I'll find it.

"After I killed my ... my real mom, when I came back here ... they let me. They made me a part of their family, and Dee became my mom. And then you came back, and you're like a mom to me, too. You're my family, Ems -- just like Chuck and Dee and Lyds and Babs and Se-- I mean Adam. And you didn't get to meet my brother Dewey! You gotta meet him -- and his girlfriend Rosalie! And ... and my friend Alex -- she lives in Rhode Island! And Pac, too -- he's Dewey's friend! And ... and lots of other people, too!" He wiped his nose with the sleeve of his jacket. "I know we've only known each other for a few days, but I ... I love you."

"I love you, too, Beej," Emily told him.

"So I'm gonna find a way," he said.

She smiled at him. "I have no doubt that you will," she replied. "Lydia? Come here, Pumpkin."

Lydia sat down beside her mother. Emily hugged her tightly. "I love you, and I'm so proud of you. You'll always be my baby." She looked up at Charles and Delia. "I'm so happy that you two have found each other. I'll always love you, Charles, and I'll always be grateful to you, Delia.

"Adam? Barbara? The two of you are wonderful people -- it's a real tragedy that you passed on before you could have children. But I'm glad that you're here for my daughter.

"And Beej," she said. "You are ... one of a kind." She laughed softly. "Who would've thought that a demon could be such a good friend? You know, I think that you might just be the best thing that could've happened to this family -- if you hadn't come along, Lydia ... well, you know. You saved her life that night on the roof. And you've saved everyone's life a couple of times since."

Beej looked down at the floor, grinning sheepishly. "I guess," he said, scuffing the floor with his shoe.

"And for that, I owe you my eternal gratitude." She sighed heavily. "I-I think it's time for me to go now. Take care of each other ..."

"Mom?"

"Goodbye, Lydia -- always remember that I love you."

And with that, Emily closed her eyes and breathed her last.

"Nooooooo! " Lydia wailed. "Mom, pleeease! Don't go!"

She grabbed Beej and hugged him fiercely, burying her face in his chest, and he held her tightly as she sobbed, his own face contorted with agony.

Charles and Delia held one another, weeping softly, and the Maitlands cried in each other's arms.

"I meant what I said," Beej told Lydia. "I'll find a way to bring your mom back. Nothing will stop me," he added softly, his eyes glowing with demonic fire.

[machihunnicutt]

Ahh, I don't think I've ever prompted you for anything, which is a crime!! A long long time ago you wrote punnihawk, and idk if it's still your bag, so if it's not or if you're not taking prompts anymore, feel free to ignore this :) But if it is and you are, I'd love to see 'cuddles to trap the other' with them.

HELLO! yes! feels like a million years ago, my first mash fic :')

19. cuddles to trap the other

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a sensational dancer?” Hawkeye said. 

Peg was leaning on him a little, the side of her face pressed just below the collar of his crew neck. She was already dressed for going out, apart from her feet, which were without their customary heels. He’d adjusted his posture to account for the height disparity: shoulders hunched, knees slightly bent, palms at her shoulder and waist. 

Dancing with Beej required different adjustments. Hawk had to be more cautious with his feet. BJ was prone to getting distracted and treading on them. It was easier to maintain eye contact, though, since they were nearly the same height. And when Beej was feeling confident, sometimes he led. 

“I think you told me, the other day. Though maybe you said terrific, not sensational,” Peg said.

He’d begged her for a dance. Peg and Beej were going to one of the hospital’s frequent fundraising galas. It was an excuse to dress up, get a little tipsy, and talk to people—all things Hawkeye enjoyed, when he was in the right mood. 

Unfortunately he’d just gotten off a double shift, after an extraordinarily hectic week, and was more or less dead on his feet. He was exhausted in that slap happy, clingy, sore to be missing out way. Peg took pity on him.

Hawkeye could smell her perfume: light, floral, her special occasion scent, in the little blue bottle on her dresser. He and Beej had picked it out together. 

Visits to the perfume counter always gave Beej headaches. He’d persevere—eyes closed, bridge of his nose pinched, hint of a smile on his lips—while Hawk held up testers. 

“You know, we’re all going to smell like this,” Hawkeye had said, fingers grazing the inside of BJ’s wrist. 

Their shoulders brushed. It was raining outside. Inside, it smelled like damp hair, like Peg’s lavender shampoo, in the big bottle, to share. 

BJ opened his eyes. “Then we ought to pick something that complements your aftershave,” he said.

“You move like a dream,” Hawkeye said, shifting his weight, leaning into her as much as she was leaning into him.

Peg was stronger than she looked. She’d held him upright a time or two. 

She laughed. Hawkeye loved her laugh. When she really got going, she got the hiccups. The first time it had happened, Hawk had been bowled over with affection. They’d been out, all three of them, finishing their drinks outside a café. He and Beej had a spectacular comedy routine going. He couldn’t remember the jokes now. He’d been a little drunk, maybe, and in good company, which made everything funny.

When she laughed, some of her white wine came out her nose. Hawk passed her his handkerchief. Beej rubbed her back, at the space between her shoulder blades. He met Hawkeye’s eyes, across the cluttered table. He leaned back in his seat and crossed his long legs. 

“Don’t get big heads,” Peg said, after drinking deeply from her water glass, and then Hawk’s (leaving lipstick on the rim). 

The record they had on lapsed into staticky silence and Peg drew back.

“A good dream, I hope,” she said, smoothing the wrinkles from her dress.

BJ came into the room, holding up two ties. “I can’t decide,” he said. He frowned at Hawk. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

“The purple one,” Hawkeye said, as Peg ushered him toward the mattress. 

“Erin’s sleeping over at Angie’s. I gave her the number at the club just in case, so no need to listen for the phone. Just get some sleep,” Peg said.

She pulled back the covers and kissed his forehead. 

“Don’t step on her feet, Beej,” Hawkeye said.

BJ was flipping up his collar and tying his purple tie. He looked nice in his well tailored suit, with the cufflinks Hawk had bought him for his birthday. 

He raised his eyebrows. “I’ll try my absolute hardest,” he said. 

Peg brushed some lint off his lapel.

“I know you will. We should call the cab. I hate showing up late to these things,” she said.

Hawkeye watched the two of them, lingering by the door. They’d wanted to skip the gala and stay in, with him, but he’d talked them into going. It seemed an awful shame to keep the Hunnicutts from a party.

“We’ll duck out early, Hawk,” BJ said.

Hawkeye opened his arms wide. 

“Kiss me goodbye, at least,” he said.

They didn’t need to be asked twice. They lay down on either side of him and Hawk was briefly distracted by the mingling of their warmth and scents and limbs. BJ kissed him and then Peg kissed him (gentler, to avoid smudging her lipstick).

“On second thought, I can get dressed and come with you,” Hawkeye said, eyes half-lidded. “I’m not as tired as I seem. I promise.”

BJ pressed a kiss to his hair. “Nice try,” he said.

Hawkeye rolled onto his side and tucked his face to Beej’s chest, breathing deeply. He was right. Beej smelled like Peg’s perfume.

 Her hands were at Hawk’s waist. She tucked her chin over his shoulder. 

“Well, I’ve trapped you here now,” Hawkeye said.

“Or we’ve trapped you, darling,” Peg said, in that dreamy, soothing tone she used when she read Erin bedtime stories. 

“We’ll be home before you know it,” BJ said.

[bunnys-beetlejuice-blog]

Hey! I love your Beetlejuice stories on A03, all of them are wonderful. Do you have any tips on writing the Maitlands? You write them so well, keeping them sweet while giving them depth.

you're so sweet! this got super long so its under a cut. please keep in mind that these are my interpretations of canon and you might disagree and that's totally fine!

Lemme break these into specifics for each one cause while theyre a matching set and should not be separated they're also pretty different! Barbara- the more out going one between the two of them, more willing to jump into new situations. i think of her as someone adam can lean on, and because of that their marriage is a little non traditional, despite what beej might say, since she's the one more likely to do things that scare her and sort of lead the two of them. barbara should be sweet, empathetic, and very patient, but also willing to put her foot down when it matters. she's a doormat no more. between the two of them, she's the one more interested in arts. while she might not like making pottery i think she's the more creative one - she apparently also started and gave up oil painting (the painting she smashes) i read her as someone who comes from religious trauma but that also might just be me putting my own baggage on her. she just feels like someone who would/could have been more outgoing if she hadnt been raised in a very traditional way, where women are a step below their husbands. i dont think that believe holds true in her marriage obviously but it's engrained to some degree that she needs to behave like the perfect wife/mother. this could also be part of where her anxiety about being a mother stems from (this part obviously is VERY personal to me and her character may not read that way to you, i acknowledge this i headcannon territory here) she's also willing to push adam into things that make him nervous, because she does want her husband to stand up for her. (that moment when beej is having his soliloquy, if you watch her she's arguing with adam and telling him to say something to beetlejuice, and that's the reason why adam interrupts him) in general i think she finds things that are odd and unusual to be more funny and interesting than scary - her laughing at beetlejuice's antics in the attic a lot come to mind. Adam - the more shy one. adam is someone who i read as having a fairly heavy degree of social anxiety (there are strangers downstairs! i didn't like strangers when i was alive-) and because of that he tends to overthink and be in his own head too much. adam's fatal flaw might be that he wants to sit down and puzzle through things instead of reacting. while it's good to keep a clear head sometimes you do need to react in the moment and stand up for yourself (which he learns by the end! go adam!!!) adam loves working with his hands. while barbara creates, adam maintains. he restores furniture and does woodworking. i do like to mix movie adam with musical adam a bit, because in the movie adam owns a hardware shop, and i think that vibe also fits musical adam as well. adam leans on barbara a lot - when beej is asking them to hire him, he looks helplessly to barbara, and he's always willing to follow her lead. in a sense she wears the pants, but it doesn't read as emasculating to me - barb's strength is leading and adam's is supporting. does not like to yell or wish people unwell. THAT GUY!! NEEDS!! therapy, i hope he gets the help he needs :( to me this, combined with him honestly thinking beej might be his dad for a moment, reads as someone who had a very turbulent early childhood. a negligent or possibly abusive father who disappeared early enough in his life that adam doesn't remember his face. maybe he doesnt like to yell because that's what his own father did, and he doesnt want to be like his dad. he wants to be better than that. his not knowing his father could also lead into his fear of becoming one - he didn't have a strong father figure growing up, and he's never had that behavior modeled for him

The Maitlands as one - they should be like two halves of a whole. barb might lead, but she never steps on adam. adam might support, but his own impute is never stifled. barbara will encourage adam to be more brave and outgoing. adam will help barbara keep her temper or talk through things that frustrate her. they're so in love it's kinda gross.

[hoodoo12]

Beetlejuice Squared (4/5)

NSFW. Blow jobs, fingering, dirty talk, confessions.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Perpendicular to him, you kissed him, finding his tongue once again, until you ran out of breath. He continually kneaded your tits, his larger hands cupping them, until you made your way down his neck and chest, leaving faint purplish marks on his pale skin when you sucked with a little more force. He didn’t seem to mind, however, and when you latched onto his nipple again, he groaned. 

Holding a sizeable hunk of skin lightly between your teeth, you flicked the metal piercing with your tongue. Beetlejuice’s free hand went to the back of your head and held you here, so you repeated the motion again, and again, each time with a little extra pressure. When it was too much, he yanked your mouth off him.

“Jesus, babydoll,” he panted as you looked up at him. His temples were shot through with deep pink. You knew your lips were shiny and you licked them while you smiled. Beetlejuice’s gaze darted from yours for a moment, to Beej. “You oughtta think about getting pierced, man. Her mouth is wicked.”

“I know,” came the gravelly reply from over your shoulder, and he slapped your ass, making you gasp in a good, surprised way. “Nah, I’m good.”

A faint smell of weed wafted to you. He’d done as you’d requested, and was smoking again. 

You grinned. Beetlejuice seemed to think it was for him, because he gave you a squeeze that included your own nipple. You played with his for another moment, making him hiss, then continued downward along his body, continuing to leave the same trail of bite-y little kisses on his belly. You followed the trail of hair from his navel to its reward: his cock. 

You actually took it in hand to move it so you could lick a stripe along the top. His hand, which hadn’t left the back of your neck, tightened, and without looking back up at him, you opened your mouth and took him in whole. 

Beetlejuice bucked a little at the unexpected swallowing, and you heard Beej chuckle behind you at his reaction. 

“She told you,” he said, and Beetlejuice replied with a sound that was half acknowledgement, half moan. 

You were used to the temperature of a specter’s cock, and knew it would warm up rapidly. This Beetlejuice tasted the same, again, but was slightly lengthier than what you were accustomed to. Still, you were proud of being able to override your gag reflex, especially if you were in control, and stayed still, with your face and chin pressed into his pubic hair. You didn’t release him for a few seconds.

When you did, you took a huge breath. You licked the head of his cock a moment, then swallowed him again.

Beetlejuice’s legs tensed under you, keeping him rigidly up against you. You smiled a little as you moved up and down on his cock. You didn’t deepthroat him each time; you paused for a second and licked your hand to use it in conjunction with your mouth, holding him steady at the base of his cock while your worked the head, pulling downward with it while you moved your mouth upward, twisting it occasionally to add variety.

It was easy, once you’d settled into a slight rhythm, to drift away a little bit and pay attention to something besides the cock you were handling. Beetlejuice remained tense under you. He groaned when you took him deeply. He gasped when you moved upward, and made a little keening noise if you took your mouth off him completely for a tease or a break. Although he didn’t talk to you while you were blowing him, like the Beetlejuice you knew best, the sounds he made were still smoother than the rasp your ear was used to. 

Smoke from the joint you’d asked Beej to keep lit for you filled the air with its aroma again. You could imagine him behind you, watching everything with half-closed eyes, his lips pursed around the joint, unselfconsciously rubbing himself through the crotch of his pants. Or maybe he’d popped his button and opened his fly, so he could stroke himself more easily? In your mind’s eye you could see both scenarios. Both made you hot.

What you weren’t expecting, lost in the rhythm, was Beej’s hand to slap your ass again, then slip his fingers over the panties covering your pussy.

It made you jump a little. Beej laughed and Beetlejuice chuckled too, his belly moving enough that it pressed against your ear. Beej’s fingers didn’t stop, once he had your attention. He pulled at your hips till you lifted them so he could pull your panties off you, then shifted you so you were flat on your stomach between the two of them, your knees bent upward. 

He slipped his hand between your thighs again and brushed the delicate skin of your pussy. You loosened your legs and angled your pelvis to give him better access. His fingers disappeared for a moment, then returned wet; he’d licked them. As they slid through your folds and found your clit, you moaned.

“I thought you were sucking him off, baby,” Beej reminded you. “Can’t multitask? That’s being a bad hostess to your guests.”

You shot him a look over your shoulder, to which you earned a smirk and a little more pressure on your clit. You moaned again, but went back to the task in hand, raising yourself up on your elbows to take Beetlejuice into your mouth again. 

Now it was more difficult to get back into a cadence. Beej purposefully seemed to try and both match your pattern but throw you off of it at the same time. When you went softer on Beetlejuice, he focused on your clit. When you took him all the way back to your throat, he slipped his fingers inside you. Everything seemed designed to make you gasp and have to pull off the cock you were supposed to be focusing on. It was annoying and arousing at the same time. 

Finally, you had to stop. Beetlejuice’s groin was sloppy wet from spit. Despite your distractions, his pubic hair was faintly pink. He groaned as your breath hit him in sharp pants; Beej decided to finger fuck you in earnest the last several moments. You managed to twist to look up at him. “I’m s-sorry,” you stuttered through a moan, with Beej’s fingers deep inside you. “I, I–I can’t–”

Beetlejuice grinned down at you. “You did fine, babydoll. Seeing you fall apart because of what he’s doing–” He cocked his head towards Beej, but didn’t look at him. “–is fucking hot.”

You nodded, in both agreement and because you were heading closer to an orgasm.

“You gonna come, babydoll?” Beetlejuice asked, taking your jaw so you continued to look at him and not drop your head. “There’s a pretty blush on your cheeks and you’re moaning so hard … fuck. You gonna come on his hand? Are his fingers so deep in your pussy you can’t stand it?”

He slipped his thumb into your open mouth, and pressed it onto your tongue.

The combination of Beej’s hand at your pussy and Beetlejuice’s direct eye contact and dirty talk pushed you over the edge. You came with a wavering cry, your pussy clenching on the fingers inside you. Towards the end you closed your lips on Beetlejuice’s thumb too.

Beetlejuice stroked the side of your face and Beej held still for a moment as you shuddered. You groaned as Beej slipped his fingers out of you, and sucked Beetlejuice’s thumb before he pulled it from your mouth with a soft ‘pop!’

You got a second’s reprieve to catch your breath, then Beej smacked your ass again. 

“You promised I’d fuck you, babes,” he announced, and swung your legs around so your knees fell off the side of the couch. You felt loose. He’d made the joint disappear, so you weren’t particularly concerned with anything catching fire.

“Yeah,” you agreed. You might have agreed to anything at that point.

“Give her a second!” Beetlejuice snapped.

As mellow as Beej may have been from the weed, he bristled. “Shut your mouth! You’ve been laying back getting your dick sucked, and she’s paid no attention to me–”

The pink in Beetlejuice’s hair was becoming shot through with red, and once again you found yourself having to take control of a situation that had the real possibility of escalating. On your knees on the floor wasn’t the optimal position to try to rein them in, but you held your hands up to them anyway.

You repeated their names to grab their attention again. “Beetlejuice! Bhetlejuz!” 

Like before, they stopped their bickering. You fixed your gaze on the taller Beetlejuice. 

“It’s fine. Beej and I have known each other for a while, and I didn’t take offense at what he said or anything. Okay?”

He frowned.

“Thank you for your concern,” you continued. “I’m sure the people who call you appreciate that you’re looking out for them.”

“I don’t get called to perform as much as he does,” he mumbled, dropping his eyes but nodding upwards, towards the Beetlejuice behind you.

That pulled you up a little short. Beej’s chortle didn’t help, and you elbowed him in the knee. 

“Well, you’re here now, and I’m not done with you!” you told him sincerely. As he looked back up at you, you gave him a smile before twisting to look up at the other Beetlejuice at the end of the couch. “Or you either, Beej! Come here!”

He complied, losing his pants along the way. On his hands and knees beside you on the floor probably wasn’t his first choice of position, being inferior to the Beetlejuice on the couch, but you figured what you had in mind would make up for it. You kissed him solidly on the mouth, dipping your tongue between his teeth before telling him, 

“Your fingers were so good, Beej! But they weren’t enough, I need your cock inside me–”

His ego stroked–which he liked as much as stroking his dick–he smirked and you stole it from him with another kiss.

“Be behind me, Beej?” you suggested. “And a little smack every now and then? Please?”

He complied and gave you a light smack, to tease, then moved into position behind you. As he settled between your legs, you turned your attention back to the Beetlejuice still on the couch. “I’m not going to neglect you,” you promised, “I still want to suck your cock.” “Music to my ears, babydoll,” he replied, so you went between his knees, looking up him. 

tbc … 

[majorbaby]

@gracehansonfailwife any specific mash character combinations you enjoy? loads. i don't think there is a third that i cannot somehow make work with trapper and hawkeye, even if the results are genuinely gross haha [nervous] like the bar is they must be a legal adult and a non-blood relative, anything else goes.

but specifically the ones i've thought about at length, have written, am writing or would like to write someday: (all but one of these is nsfw btw - sorry i'm like this)

Hawkeye/Trapper/Margaret- am currently writing this, lots of plans for them.

Hawkeye/Trapper/Oliver - wrote this, have an idea for a postwar sequel that i'd really love to do eventually. Tied for favourite with Hawk/Trap/Margaret. Genuinely do think these three could hang post-war and have a good time.

Hawkeye/Trapper/BJ - will definitely do it eventually. probably a BJ-goes-to-Maine-and-Trapper's-already-there-fraught-sex-ensues thing.

Hawkeye/Trapper/Louise - i'm finally am past my writer's block on this. i was stuck for so long because i couldn't make it work in my head, and now i'm just convinced i need to finish it, i've been working pretty hard on it recently.

Hawkeye/Trapper/Ginger - they cheer her up thoroughly after Frank gives her a hard time. It's important to me that this happened.

Hawkeye/Frank/Margaret - They all want each other on some level. I think Margaret would really like to see Frank fuck Hawkeye, or Hawkeye fuck Frank. Or both.

BJ/Hawkeye/Peg - but bad lol. I don't think BJ would last more than a week in a poly situation. I would like to write that one very terrible week.

i have this cracky BJ/Trapper/Peg/Louise AU based on the movie Score (very nsfw) I've been working on since last Christmas when I decided my Christmas movie was going to be a 70s erotic fever dream. It's heavy on the Beej/Trap and Peg/Louise but they come together at the end for an orgy. Don't know if I'll ever publish it because it's so out there but I'm having fun writing it.

also a cracky Hawkeye/Trapper/Carlye fic I'm planning out that is more dramatic and plotty than anything else on this list. It shouldn't technically be a threesome but I may not be able to resist.

Would love to do Hawkeye/Frank while BJ watches on in horror but is secretly turned on and jacks off about it later... if that counts.

the lone non-pornographic thing on this list is the postwar Radar/Sparky/Patty thing I have planned.

I've worked out a Hawkeye/Trapper/Frank/Margaret situation in my head, and I would love to write it someday. Embarrassing for all parties and they never speak of it again. The chemistry these four have on screen is unmatched imo. One big messed up family.

hard dubcon femdom Trapper/Dish/Margie situation beneath the cut

Trapper/Dish/Margie "virility kink" which I've just learned about. Trapper thinks he's having the threesome of his dreams until they tie him up, take the condom off and put the fear of god into him that he'll knock one of them up and be completely fucked over (he jokes in "Check Up" that his being "fertile" is what gave him the ulcer!). he's unfortunately very turned on by this whole situation and maybe asks them to do it again sometime.

[amrv-5]

I was hoping you'd play this game! for beejhawk: B, D, I, W

HELLO HELEN yaaay these are all so so so good thank you so much!!!!! and . I went on about them at extremely excessive length SORRY ABOUT THAT. answers below the cut:

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Sighhhh. You got me good with this one. I think they're both so insane about each other it's difficult to narrow down. Re: himself, I think BJ is pretty confident in his legs. (My take on) Beej is a runner, and I think Hawkeye is enough of a leg appreciator it'd make him feel even better about them.

For a favorite part of Hawk, I think BJ'd be hard-pressed to pick. Like, it's Hawk? He's literally Hawk. He's all amazing all over. But shoulders may win out by a very narrow margin--Hawk's awfully broad, and the straight-up breadth of his frame I think is a shorthand for a lot of other things BJ would be into, i.e. his masculinity, contrast with some of the softer/prettier aspects of Hawk, etc.

(My take on) Hawk I think, despite all of his confidence and showboating irt sexual prowess and thinking he's awful cute, might actually be a little uncertain about himself in the looks department. Like, he thinks of himself more as a force of personality and fun and charm and skill than an embodied appearance-having thing. Though he can get vain on occasion, he's complex, he contains multitudes. Anyway that's a lot of meta to say I think he'd probably be partial to, like, his hands or hair: something skill-based and dextrous or something he gets to style and determine for himself. I also think it hits him kind of hard when he starts greying in Korea, because, damn, well, there goes something he liked about and chose for himself spiralling out of his control again.

And for a favorite part of Beej, similar to above it's basically impossible to pick but I do think he's a leg guy. Long, lean, tall BJ--he likes being an inch shorter, too, I think.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dirty secret for each:

BJ's dirty secret (this is all S2G2 verse I'm realizing, actually, sorry) is, like, he definitely used to get himself off to Hawkeye even before he had any realizations about his sexuality. He was probably weirdly possessive and jealous about Hawkeye going off with nurses. He'd just lie in the Swamp seething because He Had Plans With Hawkeye They Were Going to Play Chess (or something) and then he'd get to thinking and brooding over (as he so often does in canon) what exactly is going on outside his sightline. Sleepless and thinking, like, 'probably Hawkeye is leaning in and kissing her... maybe she's shy so he's pretending like he's a gentlemen (That Hussy) and taking it slow, licking into her mouth, one of those big surgeon's hands running up the back of her thigh' and then he's bringing himself off and he's not sure if he's angry or turned on or who, even, he's thinking about, but then of course he's rationalized it away into nothing by the morning. If he ever tells Hawkeye in the future, Hawkeye would laugh at him and also consider it just shatteringly romantic.

Hawkeye's dirty secret I think might be that for all his sex-positivity, he's got some kinks he's worried about indulging or admitting to. Breeding kink, for one, despite all his jokes about it. That's a whole lot of complex emotionality, intimacy, commitment, etc. to bring into the bedroom all at once. That, or it's something small like he didn't have sex until he was like 22. Bit of a statistically late bloomer, especially for the time and for his canonical levels of preoccupation, but he bloomed enthusiastically. And/or one time in college he had a particularly frustrating week and jacked off so frequently he gave himself a friction burn and had to mope around with salve on. Etc. BJ would find all of these probably embarrassingly hot, even the JO injury (he thinks desperate enthusiasm is appealing). I also think he'd probably be into a first-time roleplay scenario with Hawkeye doing a blushing inexperienced be-gentle-with-me bit. If I'm being real.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...) 

Answered here, but I'll speak a little more on the romance aspect, in that I think once they get together the center of all of their interactions is just that they genuinely really like each other. There's a really tangible fondness, love, respect, comfort in everything they do, and that obviously extends to intimacy. They just really like each other, and that's suffusive through everything! Leads to so much trust and care in the bedroom.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Beejhawk headcanon: switchy as hell in everything. I mean literally as in they're both open to topping/bottoming, if they ever play with dom/sub stuff they'd both like both roles, and I think with only a few exceptions they'd have fun switching off in kink scenarios. They both understand each other well, I think, and that level of intimacy and empathy would go a long ways towards getting the other on board from both points of view. Like, I think (no surprises from any of my work here lol) that BJ has a thing for getting to play a caretaking or providing role. But I think Hawkeye would get off just as much on turning the tables on BJ and letting him be the center of attention.

[obsessive-ego]

Just go with it part 2

Musical beetlejuice x reader

You have to meet juno and pretend you and bj are getting married

Nsft sorta, mentions of activity

Part 1

"Babes"

....

"Sugar"

...

"Y/n"

...?

"Y/n wake up, come on babes"

...!

"Beej?" You mumble rubbing your eyes "what's wrong?" You say in a whisper.

He doesnt respond, you turn on the lamp by your bed and check your phone clock

5:42am

You sigh, looking back at the demon, now being able to see him clearly, you freeze upon seeing that the demon was now completely purple, his hair, his beard, his tie, all deep purple.

"What's wrong?" You ask again, more fear in you voice then intended

"Okay y/n" he starts, using your name rather then a pet name was never a good sign "so you remember a few nights ago when that suit came by to see if I was lying about our relationship?"

"He's back?!" You sit up, more awake "wait... wasnt the repercussion to that not that bad? Just some extra work for you?"

Beetlejuice rubs his neck "yeah, thing about that, it's not him... my mother is here, to talk to you personally..." he trails off refusing to look at you

"Your mother...." you repeat feeling your stomach drop

"Yeah..."

"What's gonna happen if she finds us out?" You ask in a whisper

"...who knows with her" the demon spits before looking away.

The two of you remain in silence over the shit beetlejuice has gotten you into it.

Beetlejuice huffs out his nose as his focus goes back to you.

"So y/n, I mean honey~" the demon pulls you up from your bed and into a side hug "ready to meet mommy dearest?" Beetlejuice tried to smile, make light of the situation, but his hair betrayed him, remaining a deep purple, even though he tried his best to plaster a grin across his face for your sake.

You didnt know much about Beetlejuice's mother, other then she didnt exactly win mother of the year, beej only opened up about her a handful of times, long story short, you knew this was gonna be a rough experience for both of you, but mostly Beej.

Beetlejuice drops his jacket around your shoulders, pulling the same ring he gave you to fool the suit, the same tacky, pretty ring, the band was black and white, and resembled a snake, the gem was a brilliant green, your heart swelled at the sight of the ring.

The ghoul drops on one knee, and gently slides the ring onto your middle finger, pausing to kiss your hand before giving you wink, under different circumstances you would die from such a cheesy romantic gesture, but now was not that time, you did appreciate beetlejuice trying to lighten the mood.

"Alright honey, you remember the drill?"

"Yes"

"That's my future wife, let's not keep the bitch waiting" he smiles linking arms with you

Future wife...

You couldnt help but give the ghoul a soft smile at the thought.

Beetlejuice takes a deep breath, smoothing his hair back, wiping the purple away in favour of his default green.

The demon grabs your hand begins to lead you to your living room, you could barely focus over the sound of your heart pounding, who could blame you, you were about to come face to face with someone Beetlejuice was afraid of.

As the two of you head down the hall , she was finally in sight, you felt your stomach drop, in your recliner sat an old woman, dressed completely in red, she had a permanent scowl across her face, her whole presence give off a bad feeling.

"Lawrence, you took your sweet time fetching your fiance" she barked causing beetlejuice to flinch

"Ya know breathers, they like their sleep-" he forces a laugh, purple slowly creeping back into his hair

"Nonsense, it's nearly 6am, that's more then a reasonable time for breathers to wake and start their pointless routines" she waves off, beetlejuice frowns and leads you to the couch, where the both of you sit.

"Its been awhile huh Ma? Like I was saying earlier, it's nice to see you again and-" beetlejuice was babbling

"Zip it" was all she said and beetlejuice clamped his mouth shut and gazed down staring at his feet. "Lawrence, I didnt come here for pointless pleasantries" her eyes meet yours "y/n l/n I dont know what Lawrence has done to you or promised you, but I can assure you he doesnt care about you, and just wants freedom, further more Lawrence, do you honestly think this breather could love you? This game of yours needs to come to an end, there is alot of paper work tied up in this farce of yours"

You were taken back by her words, she really didn't beat around the bush.

"I dont-" you start, voice trembling

"Ma, y/n loves me and I love them, see~" beetlejuice grabs your hand to show his mother the ring, she eyes the ring for a moment, then goes bad to staring daggers into her son, her scowl never faltering.

"Tacky" she huffs, a simple response like that was enough to shut her son down, beetlejuice pulled away from you, pressing his back firm against the couch, lips pressed shut and hands clamped together in his lap.

"As I was saying, Lawrence is a natural born troublemaker, and youd be smart to back out of this farce before he gains life, knocks you up with a life ruining disappointment, and vanishes from your life" she droned as she lights a cigarette, taking a deep inhale, smoke shooting out from her neck.

You swallow hard.

"I would prefer if you didnt smoke in my house, ma'am"

Juno stares at you for a moment, then shakes her head as she puts out her cigarette on your coffee table.

"Ma'am I really do trust beetlejuice, and I love him, this isnt a farce-" you began, but your words were ignored

"If you want to throw yourself into a mess, I wont stop you, I'm not here to save you, but I have to applaud his efforts on tricking someone LEGAL this time for his little game. Even though this mess of yours is going to keep him out of my way for awhile, it doesn't cover the fact that Lawrence's efforts have caused my office nothing but work. And even if this "love" was real the boy ruins everything thing he touches, cant do anything right, having him around only causes headaches, you'll see soon enough y/n," Juno's hurtful words drone on, as if her son wasnt sitting across the table from her.

"Back to the matter, even if you do choose to marry this fool, I wanted to warn you about the mess your getting yourself into, giving him life would only cause you grief, and I dont want to hear it when you get to the netherworld after a suicide his actions caused"

You grit your teeth at that last remark, you knew juno thought poorly of beetlejuice, but did she honestly thing her son was so awful that youd kill yourself over his actions, you felt like you were going to be sick.

"Lawrence, why is your hair purple?"

You glance over to beetlejuice, who infact was completely purple, the deepest purple you've ever seen him wear.

Beetlejuice bites down on his lip, his hands clenched in fists as they sat on his thighs, he was frozen.

"Bee?" You gently whisper as you slowly place a hand on his, the ghoul flinches at your touch, beetlejuice slowly takes your hand in his and gives it a light squeeze.

"Come on Ma, y/n my be dramatic, and get mad at me from time to time, but they'd never kill themselves over anything dumb I'd do, and hell we already talked it over, we dont want kids" the ghoul leans into you for support.

Juno scowls "to remind you both, I'm not here to stop you two, the only thing I'm here for is to warn this foolish breather, and double check to make sure YOU arent mucking about and blackmailing the living again, there is a lot of paper work involved in this little game of yours, and you still havent delt with the paper work of your failed marriage and death by the hands of that poor child you tricked" her eyes narrow down to beetlejuice, juno pauses, then sighs

"Lawrence just come clean, this little game of yours has gone on long enough, even if you didnt blackmail this poor soul into marrying you, do you honestly think they love you? You dont actually think this breather wants you around do you?"

"That's not true, I do-"

You werent able to finish that sentence, with a snap of juno's fingers your mouth is now cover with a strip of duct tape.

"You've honestly fooled yourself into thinking you could be loved didnt you? Pitiful, maybe this breather found you amusing now, but you dont think it's going to last do you?" Her questioning goes on, she was convinced her son was unlovable, you tug away at the duct tape but it refuses to budge, beetlejuice was too focused on his mother's words, to the point where he was starting to believe her, the purple slowly faded from him in favour of white, a color you've never seen on him.

"Lawrence you're little game is over, and you're going to clean up the mess you made, I have a decade's worth of paper work for you to fill out over this farce and every other little issue you caused, I knew from the start this was fake, no living person in their right mind would let you into their life willingly"

A decade's worth of paper work?! Was that so important that she was willing to manipulate her own son into thinking he was worthless?

"Lawrence you are such a screw up, the amount of work your little games keep giving me is coming to an end, you will never be alive, you will never be loved, let alone tolerated, and you are coming back to my office to straighten up ever little issue you have caused, if you think being invisible for a millennia is bad-" she raises her voice with each hateful word.

This duct tape wasnt going to budge, so you went with plan B, you roughly bump into the demon's side to get his attention, beetlejuice looking your way, your eyes grow wide at his expression, he was crying, black gooey tears. The two of you stare at each other what felt like an eternity, Juno's voice no longer reached him, beetlejuice snaps his fingers and the duct tape vanishes from your mouth.

You jump up from you position on the couch "I'm sorry ma'am  but bee- Lawrence isnt worthless, and yes, he can be an ass, and insensitive at times, but I love him and I really do want to marry him! And whatever stupid paper work that is tied up in this, can just fuck off..." your voice tweaks as the ghoulish women sitting across from you stands up, eyes dead set on you.

You werent great with confrontation, and beej knew this, but here you were talking back to his mother, you  his tiny sweet breather talking back to a literal monster. The white from Beetlejuice's hair quickly left in replacement to pink 'I really do want to marry him!' Those words from your lips could have made his heart start beating , tho that was shortly lived when he saw this mother stand, purple took hold of his form once again.

He couldnt let you fight his mistakes alone, though he found it hot that you could be his knight in shining armor.

No, beetlejuice is quick to jump up and link his arm with yours "see ma, this little breather stole my heart, and hell, we've been planning our little wedding for months" beetlejuice snaps his fingers and in a flash his and yours clothes change. Beetlejuice wore a red tux made with crushed velvet, with a lacy front, his whole outfit screamed tacky, but that was him. Looking down at your self, you stifle a laugh, here you were, 6:30am, dressed in a red puffy lacing monster of a dress, in all honesty this wouldnt be your first choice, but now was not that time. Beetlejuice pulls you close, you could swear he could hear how hard your heart was pounding, could you blame yourself? He looked so handsome all dressed up, even if this was fake.

"My, my Lawrence, doesnt that dress look familiar, isnt that the dress you forced that poor child to wear the last time you played this game?" his mother sneers

"Its called a call back, and y/n loves it" he sneers back you nodded in agreement, beetlejuice continues "we're still working on a venue, trying to find a band, believe me, planning a wedding is exhausting, and oh! dont be surprised if your invite gets lost in the mail ma" the demon gives a shit eating grin, you smile seeing beetlejuice has gained SOME confidence back.

"I have no interest in attending your little wedding Lawrence" she spat "it's clear you're not going to budge, and still refusing to take responsibility for your actions, you always were a slacker, and if that's the case, once you die again you will be returning to my office to deal with the mess you made" her focus turns to you "or I could end this little charade by killing your ticket to life"

Your heart stops at her words, she was a demon, Beetlejuice's grip tightens on you, the silence must have been hurting him as much as it did you.

"But I wont, itd be too much a hassle ending a life before it's time"

You sigh in relief, and beetlejuice loosens his grip.

"This will end poorly for the two of you, and I dont want to hear it" juno walks past the two of you, and with a gesture of her hand the livingroom wall opens up to reveal an office full of the dead.

"Lawrence before you join the living I need to deal with one last errand, so I will see you later, and you" Juno's boney finger points to you "you have no idea what you've signed up for" and with that she was gone, the wall closes up as if nothing happened, the two of you collapse on the floor

"Shes gone" you sigh, you've never been more scared in you entire life then you were talking to Juno

"So you like your future mother in law?" Beej jabs you side

"Oh yeah, a delight" you snort, "how long do you think we have before she notices we havent gotten married?" You tone shifts to a more serious note

"No clue, guess you'll actually need to marry me now" he pulls you into a side hug

"What?" You stammer, beetlejuice laughs at your response

"HA! Just pulling your chain there doll, theres no way in hell she's coming back to check, if I know that Bitch shes going to file away those papers for me, there's no way she'll let them just sit there for who knows how long, and this time next week she'll be harping about something else" beetlejuice stands up and pulls you up with him as he sees you struggling to move in that dress, as you raise to your feet you mumble a thanks.

"You know beej, you really do clean up good, I mean, you look very handsome all dressed up" you smile, now that that two of you were safe, you felt it was the right time to say it.

The purple in the ghoul's hair quickly vanishes at your kind words and is replaced with pink.

"Well you know doll, the tux suits me, but it looks even better on the floor, you'll see on our honeymoon~"

"Is that so?"

"Dont believe me? I'll show ya right now baby~" the ghoul pulls you close pressing his chest against yours, as fun as this little exchange was it came to a halt when you yawned.

"What a way to start a weekend, early and terrified, I think I'm gonna get a few more hours of sleep" you grumbled rubbing your eye "you mind helping me out of this dress?" Beetlejuice goes wide eyed at your question, in a flash his hands were groping for the zipper on your back.

"Naughty minx" he purrs before you swat his hands away

"I ment with magic" you breath out, you may be tired, but your genitals were now wide awake.

Beetlejuice grumbles as he snaps his fingers bringing you back into your pajamas and him in his suit.

"Thank you, I guess this wouldnt be good night, see you in a bit" you shrug as you head to your bedroom to get a few more hours of sleep, you glance back at beetlejuice, who was purple once again, you frown

"Beej do you want to sleep with me? I mean you dont need to sleep, I just thought maybe, you wouldnt want to be alone right now?" After seeing his mother maybe he could use some comfort.

There was a long silence as the demon only stares back at you, you panic

"I'm sorry, that was stupid, I'll just, uh, see you in-" you babble as you spin in your heels eager to get away from this embarrassing situation. Before you could hide away in your bedroom you feel the dicey grip if the demon's hand on your shoulder, and in a deep gravely voice he purrs

"Isn't it normal for a husband and wife to sleep together?~" 

you honestly felt a shiver run up your spine.

The ghoul, now only in a pair of boxers has now cuddled up to you  his legs intertwined with yours, his arms wrapped around your waist, hand rubbing up and down your back, and head nuzzled into your chest, the demon now pink, purred feeling your hands scratching his scalp, his mother was wrong, you did love him, truly and unconditionally, maybe not now, but soon, he will marry you.

Bonus

It's been days since you met his mother, and it seems like beetlejuice has been back to stop caring about it, but sometimes you see him just staring off into space.

The ghoul had only one thing on his mind, replaying the memory over and over, of you shouting "I REALLY DO WANT TO MARRY HIM!"

[ghosts-and-rock]

Delia takes Beetlejuice shopping with her, for clothes, and they do a bit of bonding and hanging out.

This was an extremely fun one to write! I always love some Delia and Beetlejuice interactions.

“Oh Beetlejuice!” Delia called out to the demon. “I have a question for you.”

He then appeared before Delia.

“What is it?” He asked. “Oh, is there a bug that needs eating?”

“No, Beej,” she told the man. “I was wondering if you wanted to come shopping with me? I think you need some new clothes and want to help get some for you.”

This stopped Beetlejuice in his tracks. He wasn’t too sure if he would enjoy new clothes. He’s gotten too use to wearing the same suit ever since he’s remembered. Still, by seeing how excited Delia was he decided to give it a try.

“Sure,” he told her with a shrug. “It wouldn’t hurt to try something new for a bit.”

That’s how he now found himself at a department store in Stamford at their mall, standing uncomfortably in the isles. Delia was determined though to find the perfect outfit for him. Part of him wished that she would just pick something comfortable out and they would go home. Or better yet get some ice cream from a store in the mall. Maybe he could convince her to get him something from Hot Topic or Spencer’s.

“D,” he said as Delia moved to a new clothing rack. “Couldn’t we just choose something comfortable for me and go?”

This seemed to make her stop mid movement.

“Oh gosh,” she said turning to him. “I’m so sorry Lawrence. I was so focused on finding clothes for you I didn’t stop to ask you what you want.”

“Lawrence?”

“Oh yes! I figured since we’re out and about that you wouldn’t want others knowing your name. Well, demon name.”

He nodded. It made enough sense. Still, he wanted to get all of this over with. Quickly find some lounge pants and t-shirts and call it a day.

“Hey,” Beetlejuice began. “Could we…maybe…look in the mens section. They usually have some nice stuff.”

“Of course! Let’s head over there now.”

As they began their walk over to the section, Beetlejuice couldn’t help but notice something. There was a hoodie for sale that had a green beetle on it. Around it was the words “Never Trust The Living”. Ironic. He wondered what ghost gave them the quote. Still, he wanted that hoodie.

“Lawrence, why did you-“ Delia was asking before seeing what made him stop. “Did you find something you want?”

“Yeah,” he told her, pointing at the hoodie. “I really like this.”

He left it at that. He was use to being told no when asking for anything. Juno always made sure of that.

“Of course honey!” Delia said. “We can get it if you want.”

Beetlejuice was a bit taken a back. She was going to get it for him?

“Yeah…” he said. “The green one.”

“I think an XL would fit ya.”

Delia then grabbed the hoodie without any other comment.

“Now, let’s go choose some shirts for you!”

As the two looked through the t-shirts in the mens section, Beetlejuice began to become less anxious. Delia wasn’t going to ridicule him. Plus she called him honey. That was a good thing right? Still, they continued to look for shirts before moving onto pants. It was an easy enough search though as he just wanted simple lounge pants.

“Well,” Delia began as the two walked towards a cash register, arms full of a few new clothes. “I believe today was a success!”

Beetlejuice just nodded. He enjoyed this a lot more than he thought. Maybe he could convince her to do this again. He couldn’t help but ask a question though.

“Could we…get some ice cream?”

Delia laughed but nodded.

“Of course,” she told him. “I believe it’s well deserved.”

[submissivekillers]

Beetlejuice reunites with his old flame back from when they were alive. Though they reunite when he mistakes her as a special worker at Dante's Inferno room when she was just the bartender and then realizes who she is only for them both to ask the question they both always wondered. "Why didn't you look for me?"

like what i do? buy me a kofi!

a lil angsty, but mostly sweet! this gif is so fucking funny 2 me. go dead boy go

chances are if you’ve been working at Dante’s for any amount of time, you’ve heard plenty of stories about the ghost with the most

he’s a regular at Dante’s, and every girl there has had a go with him - which does take away some of the mystique that surrounds juno’s errant protégé; it’s a little hard to be scared of someone after you’ve heard multiple stories of him losing his mind from just a little bump n grind

still, you’re curious about him and the girls seem to view him like an annoying-but-beloved pet, so when word gets out that he’s headed for Dante’s you’re admittedly kind of excited to meet him in the flesh

there’s plenty of fanfare and drama; the doors slam open all at once, a cold wind sweeps through the building, lightning strikes outside and the air suddenly stinks of sulfur. you know, typical poltergeist theatrics

you’re occupied with delivering drinks to a table of rowdy caseworkers, but you certainly hear him come in - and the exaggerated wolf-whistle he let’s out when he sees you, loudly asking who the new “hot piece of ass” is 

you don’t expect him to be right behind you when you turn around, and you end up pressed up against him, chest-to-chest - and you both freeze 

his eyes are gold, not the dark green you’ve dreamed of ever since crossing over, but you know him. and he knows you, because he says your name - your real name - with such reverence in his voice 

(you hadn’t recognized his voice - why hadn’t you recognized his voice?)

you bolt, locking yourself in a private room and crying your eyes out for a while

the girls come in and out when they have a free moment, petting your hair and offering words of comfort, and eventually one of them works up the nerve to let you know that beetlejuice is still out there, more upset than any of them have ever seen him, and they’ll send him away if you want but he just looks so sad

so you relent, like you always did, and invite him in to talk

he bursts through the door so fast he almost trips on the hem of his coat, but doesn’t sit next to you until your signal. the two of you perch on the edge of the bed in awkward silence, the air heavy with questions left unsaid

“Why—“ you start at the same time he says “You—“ and then you both stop, waiting for the other to continue. it breaks the awkwardness a little, thankfully 

all things considered, it’s... subdued. you’re both hurting, both unsure why it took so long for the two of you to be reunited, both looking for remnants of each other’s old self in your new (after)lives 

if you died after he did, there’s a solid chance you did try to look for him - and had your investigation stymied by the efforts of a certain afterlife caseworker. this also helps to lessen the awkwardness somewhat, if only because you’re now occupied with stopping beej from raining absolute hell down on juno’s head

(or maybe you join him!! what better couple’s bonding activity is there than riding a sandworm through a corporate office) 

if you died before him, things are... a little more tense. it’s been long enough since you died that he would have passed of natural causes anyway, so now you both have to deal with wondering why the other didn’t try and search you out 

as a bonus, regarding if you died before him - that left ring finger, with ring attached? he’s held onto it all these years for you, and he’s not afraid to get down on one knee again

forget that he gave it to lydia we’re being wholesome right now!!

but it works out, in the end - things can’t go back to the way they were, but you both want to try again. and you have plenty of time to make it up to each other

[demonwifey]

Mommy’s Kissing Who?🎄🎅🏻

Hey guys! Hope you all had a safe and amazing holiday! So this idea literally came to me right after listening to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Beetlejuice” and knew I had to post it for you guys to see. While you’re reading this just keep in mind I didn’t make the reader’s daughter Skye even though she was the one signing it. I’m bad at names so you’ll see the daughter go by she and her for the entire thing. Think about if you had a daughter and what you would name her. Hope you guys enjoy!💚💜🖤  

Beetlejuice x black+fem!reader

Warnings: cursing, hints of sexual themes

Word count: 3,688

“I can’t believe I’m gonna ask this but, Beej, just please try to be on your best behavior.” You practically begged, clasping your hands together near your chest for added effect. 

The demon man let out a hearty laugh before snapping his suspenders against his chest. His costume was like a mix between his normal suit and an actual Santa costume: red and white striped, his regular boots, and a Santa hat to top it off. You thought his overgrown green beard would’ve been a giveaway to your child at least. 

“Come on, babes. Give me a little credit! I’m gonna be the best damn Santa these twerps have ever seen.” He reassured you. His confidence should’ve made you feel at ease but it didn’t. No that it mattered, it was too late to turn back now. You both looked up as the Scout Leader announced his arrival from outside the small room you two were in, basically queuing him to come out. 

“It’s Showtime, babes.” He said to you and gave a flirtatious wink before walking out to the young girls yelling in excitement. 

You watched as they all scurried to huddle around him. You watched your daughter closely, thankfully she didn’t recognize Beej and the other girls didn’t notice anything off. Maybe he was right, you should’ve given him more credit. You straightened your dress and fixed your hair out before making your way over the other parents as they all watched with joy. 

“HO HO HO! Merry Christmas, you little shits!” You heard him yell loudly across the room. 

You stopped in your tracks and your eyes widened almost comically at the sentence you just heard. You prayed to any other worldly being out there that it was only your imagination. When you looked up at the other parents, you could see it wasn’t. Their faces matched yours and they quickly turned their eyes towards you. Yeah, this was going to be one long night. 

****

You didn’t know how you could’ve ended up in a worse position. You were in charge of one thing for the Girl Scout’s Christmas party: get someone to play Santa Claus and have him hand out the girls merit badges. All the other parent’s handled things like food, decorations, etc. It’s not like it was a hard task for you to do. Hell, you found and booked a guy at the beginning of the month. Everything was fine on your end, until two days ago. Your Santa Claus called saying he was sick with the flu. You’d already had a few mishaps with Girl Scout events in the past, so this was your chance to show the other parents that you weren’t a total screw up. Yet here you were on your laptop, scrambling through different websites to try and find a new person to play Santa. 

“Hey Mommy, which shoes should I wear for the party tomorrow?” You heard your daughter’s perky voice ask from behind you. As a reflex, you quickly slammed your laptop screen down and looked at her with wide eyes. She stood behind the couch with each hand holding one shoe from a different pair. 

“Hmm, I think I like the black ones better. They’ll match your badge belt.” You faked a casual tone. 

She looked at the shoe you chose, like she was thinking for a moment, before nodding in excited agreement and running back to her room. You strained a smile as you watched her go before letting out a frustrated sigh and once you heard her door close. You were doing this, not just for the other girls, but for her as well. Your daughter always got so excited when someone mentioned Santa. How shitty would you feel if you had to watch her face turn to disappointment when they were all told Santa wasn’t coming? The mental image alone made your heart sink to the floor. You leaned forward to drop your head into your hands and let out another sigh; this one being much louder. 

“Hey, keep making noises like that and I’m gonna get turned on, babes.” You heard a familiar voice coming from the side of you. 

You didn’t even need to move your head to know it was Beetlejuice. You loved the demon to death but right now, you were in no mood to joke around. You could tell he sensed that when you didn’t respond. You didn’t see, but he awkwardly scratched the back of his head before sitting next to you. He placed an equally awkward hand on your back and started rubbing circles on it. 

“Uh, you’re not gonna start crying are you? I’ve always been bad with that sort of thing. I mean, I had to watch The Notebook with Adam and Barbara one time and I had no idea what to do. They just started sobbing and saying “If you’re a bird, I’m a bird” to each other and it was the stupidest thing I’d seen-” And you stopped him before he could finish. 

“No, Beej, I’m not gonna start crying. But, God, do I want to.” You said while sitting up, his hand still rubbing circles on your back. “It’s like I had one job and it went straight to shit in one day. I’ve looked everywhere for someone to play Santa last minute but they’re all booked! And I don’t have any family members or friends that are free either. Ugh, as if they’d actually do it.” 

The room fell silent for a moment. There was no point in even opening up your laptop again. Not to say you gave up...but you basically gave up. 

“What about the kid’s sperm donor? Maybe the Christmas spirit has him feeling less like a piece of shit.” Beetlejuice spoke; half joking, half serious. You scoffed but then let out an actual laugh. He moved his hand to around your shoulder before and you laid his chest. Your fingers started absentmindedly playing with his tie.  

“If you’re referring to her father, he hasn’t been around since she was one. I doubt anything would make him less of a piece of shit.” You responded. You hated the guy for running out on you and your daughter but you’d never have him around Beetlejuice. You already knew Beej would have murder in his eyes as soon as he’d walk through the door. You moved your neck upward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, showing that you appreciated his attempt to make you feel better.

“Well, at least this'll be an excuse to ruin Santa for her. Just walk in and say “SANTA ISN’T COMING BECAUSE SANTA ISN’T REAL!”. Rip the band aid off. It’ll be great.” He joked, looking down at you with a sinister grin on his face. There was no doubt in your mind that he wasn’t joking. 

You let out a defeated giggle before flipping his tie up to hit him in the face. You were about to give him another kiss before you heard your daughter’s voice again. 

“Beetlejuice!” She screamed before running around the couch to jump between you two. You both laughed at her sudden presence before Beetlejuice placed a hand on her head. 

“What’s up, anklebiter? Have too many sugar packets before bed?” He joked and her own laughter wasn’t far behind. She quickly climbed on top of his lap and pulled out two of her favorite scrunchies from her pocket. 

“No, silly! I need your opinion. Which scrunchie would look better for my hair tomorrow?” She asked, much like asked you about the shoes before. 

Beetlejuice was always so good around your daughter. Most guys you knew ran for the hills when they found out you had a kid, but somehow, this rude and crude demon didn’t. Maybe it was all the time he’d spent with Lydia but he fell into the ‘cool dad/uncle’ role very quickly. Not that you were begging to have that figure in her life, it was still nice to watch them interact so naturally. You laughed as Beetlejuice plucked the different color scrunchies out of her hand and examined them closely. 

“Nope, neither one will do.” He twisted his face at them before tossing them both to the side. Your daughter only blinked in confusion as she watched Beetlejuice reach into one of his jacket pockets. 

“This one is way more suitable!” Suddenly he pulled out a black and white striped scrunchie with a glitter covered green and black tulle bow at the center. You’d been with Beetlejuice for a while so thankfully the both of you were used to his magic. Your daughter squealed in excitement and grabbed the scrunchie out of his hand.  

“Beej, you can’t keep giving her presents before Christmas.” You laughed, still watching her as she gawked at her new accessory. The demon man ignored you, knowing he was only winning her heart more and more each day. “Alright, now what do we say?” You asked, giving her a knowing look.

“Thank you, so much BJ! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” The child didn’t hold back her enthusiasm as she jumped to give him a tight hug. Beetlejuice let out his usual scratchy laugh while giving her a few pats on the back. 

You watched their interaction before squinting, an idea popping into your head. 

“There’s no way...” You thought to yourself, but the image stuck in your head. Once you saw it, you couldn’t unsee it. From his perfect chubby body to his earthy laugh, you could tell he was the perfect fit for your idea.

“Alright, mini me, time for bed.” You shook yourself away from your thoughts and placed a hand on her head. She turned to face you with a large pout on her face. You stopped her before she could even protest. “Teeth and pajamas, now. I’ll be in to help with your hair in a minute.” You said softly but sternly. 

The girl turned to Beej for help but he only shrugged, already knowing not to protest against you. She dropped her shoulders in defeat before saying thank you one last time and giving him her own cheek kiss. She soon shuffled away to get ready for bed, still giggling about the scrunchie.

“Ya’know, doll. I like it when you get tough. It really does something to me.” The demon man wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. You rolled your eyes before making your way over to him. You swung one leg over his lap and straddled him, using your hands to hold and squish his cheeks together. Beetlejuice didn’t waste time using one hand to hold your thigh and the other to grab your ass. 

“Beej....” You started, staring into his golden eyes with a look that was nothing less than seductive. It didn’t take long for Beetlejuice to be wrapped around your finger. His hands started rubbing slowly in their respective spots as you moved down to pace soft kisses on his neck. “....how would you like to do me a BIG favor?” You asked.

****

Being the amazing boyfriend that he was, Beetlejuice said yes to your favor of him being the replacement Santa, at the cost of you being a wreck the entire event. Did you ever stop sweating? No. You were so used to Beej’s crass behavior at home that you didn’t think about how bad it would be to have him around other people. He started telling you all the ‘fun’ party tricks he had planned for the night. As soon as he mentioned giving the girls candy bags full of dead bugs, you realized the mistake you might’ve made. 

There were more lows than highs throughout the night. Beetlejuice would make crude jokes every chance he got. Most of these jokes went over the girls heads, but their parents didn't find them very amusing. Even in your panicked state, you would have to divert Beetlejuice back to his original task. God, don’t even mention when you got close to him. It’s like he’d lose track of what was even happening to openly flirt and make lewd comments about you, in front of everyone. You lost count of how many times you had to say “haha Santa I don’t think Mrs. Claus would like that” before pinching him and making him get back on track. When it was time for food, he ate the scouts’ precious trope hamster. He played it up as a gimmick but you knew the gruesome reality of it all. The glares and stares from the adults in the room burned deep holes into your back. If you had the option to let the ground swallow you whole, you would’ve taken it.

When it finally came time to pass out the Scouts’ merit badges, that surprisingly went with minimal ease. Again, he was making odd jokes but it wasn’t the worst thing to happen all night. When he got down to your daughter, he was a lot more kind with his words than he was with the other girls. You thought he would’ve blown his cover to her as he went on a 10 minute long speech about how great and deserving she was. He was eventually stopped by the scout leader who cleared her throat to get her attention. You weren’t sure if it was the anxiety you’d been feeling all night, the sweet gesture from Beej, or the look of joy on your daughter’s face, but you were just about on the verge of tears. Despite the craziness of the night and the emotions that were flooding your brain, seeing the two of them laugh together made it all worth it.

****

After a long night out, you were finally back to your apartment. You shuffled through the door with her fast asleep on your shoulder. As soon as you got her in the car, she was out like a light. Now all you had to do was get her into pajamas and put her to bed. As you tucked her in, you could already hear Beej calling in his invisible state. 

“Babydoll~ Told ya’ I was gonna be the best Santa ever. Come on, say my name. Say it so you can sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what you want for Christmas~” His scratchy voice echoed from behind you. 

It took everything in you not to roll your eyes. Thankfully your daughter was fast asleep so she wouldn’t hear anymore of Beej’s lewd humor for the night. You stroked her hair for a second before getting up to walk out of her room, making sure to leave a slight crack in the door. You weren’t free from Beej’s voice as you put some things away and tidied up your living room. He was practically begging for you to say his name. Sure, you were being petty but he put you through hell tonight. A little payback never hurt anyone. Especially when you knew it helped fuel a little feral anger him. Angry Beej was your favorite Beej. 

After about 30 minutes, you could feel the air in the room growing a little warm. You smiled to yourself, finally feeling as though you’d tortured him enough. You whispered his name slowly and sensual as you possibly could. As soon as you finished with the last syllable, you didn’t have time to swat away the thick green smoke surrounding your face before you felt his arms wrap around your waist. His nose was practically touching yours and you noticed the mischievous grin on his face.  It didn’t surprise you that he still had on the Santa costume and soon you felt him pepper quick kisses on your neck. 

“So tell me little girl, have you been naughty or nice this year?” He asked in between kisses. You let out a light giggle as the hairs on his beard tickles your neck. 

“Aren’t you supposed to know that already, Santa?” You asked with added sarcasm on the name. He ignored you as he started nipping at your neck. “Anyway,” You stopped him by grabbing his cheeks with your hands. The way his face looked squished between your hands was too adorable for you to handle. 

“Even though you were giving me anxiety all night, I still wanna say thank you for doing me this favor. It really means a lot.” With your words, you used one thumb to gently rub against his cheek. He didn’t even try to hide the goofy smile that filled his face. The only thing missing from his costume was the Santa hat so you could see the baby pink color that started to creep up strands of his hair.  

“Aw, don’t sweat it, doll. You know I’d do anything for you and the kid.” He said so nonchalantly. It wasn’t until you gave him a fond smile that he realized what he said. It was rare for Beetlejuice to be anything less than crass. Whenever he showed moments of sincerity, it made your heart feel warm. His hair only got pinker as you looked at him with hearts in your eyes. 

“I still want to show my appreciation. Seriously, what can I do to say thanks?” You asked, already knowing the type of answer he’d give. You watched as he acted like he was thinking for a moment. Just as his lip twisted back until an evil smirk, you felt one of his cold hands make his way down to your ass and give a gentle squeeze. 

“Wellllll, how about a kiss under the mistletoe, babes?” He leaned in closer to your face. 

You assumed he would’ve made one appear over you because you didn’t have one hanging anywhere in your apartment. A small puff of green smoke appeared in front of you but when you looked above, there wasn’t mistletoe to be found. Beej still had the arrogant smirk on his face as he watched you look around in confusion. After a second, it finally hit you. You made the mistake of looking down to see said mistletoe resting on the belt above his crotch. When you looked back at him, he wiggled his eyebrows. The annoyed sigh you let out could’ve been heard throughout the whole building. God, this guy was such a dumbass. 

“Well? You gonna thank me or what?” The demon man asked, giving your ass a harder squeeze. You ignored his question and reached down. He seemed to get excited, but you disregarded his expectations that when you plucked the mistletoe off of his belt and held it above your heads. 

“Don’t get too cocky, dweeb.” You saw that he was about to protest but you pushed your lips against his before he could. 

Kissing Beetlejuice was nothing new but somehow this was a little different. You just remembered how sweet he was to your daughter and the interactions they’ve had. You thought about how you loved seeing them together. You thought about how much you loved the three of you being together like a family, like the family you’ve secretly wanted for so long. You put all of those thoughts into the kiss. All the love you had for Beetlejuice, you put into your kiss. 

He was a little flustered at first, but eventually got in sync with you. He could tell you were putting your all into the kiss and was determined to do the same. You dropped the mistletoe to the floor and wrapped your arms around the man’s neck, pulling your bodies closer together. Beej let out a small grunt as you let your tongue slip it’s way into his mouth. You knew exactly what you were getting yourself into with that. Not long after did Beetlejuice shove his own freakishly large tongue until your mouth, and later down your throat. You tried your hardest not to let out a loud moan once you felt the wetness fill up your mouth, but you knew that’s exactly what Beej wanted to hear. 

Even though you wanted to go longer, it would’ve been easier to finish what you started in the bedroom. Your daughter never caught you and Beej in the act, thank God, but there have been times where it was a close call. You hesitantly pulled away from the demon man, and it took a second for his tongue to leave from your throat. You gasped for air as your hands rested on his chest. You could see the ready-to-go feral look on his face as he rested his forehead on yours. 

“Was that a good enough thank you?” You asked, letting out a slight laugh. Beetlejuice let out a heartier laugh as his golden eyes glowed bright like stars. 

“I think I could use a little more convincing.” His scratchy voice echoed through your ears as he leaned down to wrap his arms around your thighs. You didn’t have a second to think as he lifted your body off of the ground and threw you over his shoulder with ease; one hand rested on your thigh and the other held a tight grip on your ass. You tried not to laugh too loudly as he carried your to your bedroom, ending the night in hours and hours of lovemaking. 

With being so wrapped up in each other, you didn’t see your daughter peeking from around the hallway corner. Even though you thought she was fast asleep, Beetlejuice’s presence had woken her up while she tucked you in. She snuck out to watch in both joy and disgust as you two basically made out in the living room. She was glad to see you happy but it was still gross to see her parental figures kissing at all. With Beetlejuice still being in his Santa costume, she was able to put two and two together. She didn’t necessarily stop believing in Santa but she was glad Beetlejuice played the part for her. 

The young girl scurried her way back into her room and gently closed the door so you two wouldn’t hear. Boy, was she gonna have a story to tell her fellow Girl Scouts.

Thank you guys so much for reading! See you guys in the New Year!💚💜🖤 🎉

[bjfinn]

TANGO ARGENTINO

TW: description of suicide, verbal abuse

"Wow!" Beej said when came into the waiting room and saw the new arrival sitting there. "You're hot! Wanna get together?"

Carmen gave him a long, appraising look. "I don't think so," she sneered.

"I love your accent," he said, undaunted. "Spanish?"

In reply, she pointed to the sash she was wearing. "Can't you read? I'm Miss Argentina."

He shook his head. "Cool!" he said. "Wanna tango?"

"Go away, little man."

"You can call me Beej. Or BJ," he told her, and held out his hand. When she didn't take it, he wiped it on his grimy jacket. "Okay," he said. "Maybe later. So, Tina -- what brings you to the Netherworld?"

With a look of resigned annoyance she held up her arms, showing him her slashed wrists. "I had a little ... accident."

"He winced. "Jeez," he said. "You really did a number on yourself there, toots. On the bright side, it means we'll be seeing a lot of each other."

"What do you mean?"

"Killing yourself means you become a civil servant down here," he explained. "You'll probably be working in the processing department -- and my mom's the department head. We're gonna be colleagues!"

"Escúchame, hombrecito mugriento," she snarled. "No me interesas, no quiero acostarme contigo, no quiero ser tu amigo. ¡Ahora piérdete, antes de que te parta por la mitad!"

He leaned in toward her, a dreamy look on his face. "I think Spanish is such a beautiful language," he said. "The language of love." He opened his mouth and wiggled his tongue at her. "Whatever you said, the answer's yes."

She rolled her eyes in disgust and shoved him away. "I'll say it in English, then -- get lost, you horrible little man!"

"Your words say no no, but your eyes say sí sí," he persisted. He straightened up and gave her a grin. "We'll meet up later. Hasta la vista, baby!"

And with that, he was gone.

She shuddered at the thought of seeing him again.

*****

"This is your desk," Juno told her. "You'll be helping to process the new arrivals. You have each of them fill out this form in triplicate, and then you stamp it and place it in this tray. Then you send them back to the waiting room for the next step -- just like you went through. Any questions? No? Good."

"Actually, Señora Juno," Carmen said. "I have a question about someone I met -- BJ?"

"That one!" Juno huffed. "He's a guide, not a very good one, though. Listen, you stay away from him, got it? He's my son and I love him to pieces, but ... well, he's a slacker. He likes to goof around too much. And he's a horny little bastard -- do anything to get into your pants. Oh, don't get me wrong -- he's harmless. But he wouldn't be good for your reputation, dear." She took a drag on her cigarette, and the smoke exited through the hole in her throat. "Now," she said pleasantly, "if you have any questions or difficulties, you just ask, all right? I'll help you get settled in."

"Gracias, señora."

Juno hobbled away, and Carmen put her face in her hands. "¡Ay, Dios mío!" she moaned. "I'll be here for all eternity? Doing ... this??? " She began to weep quietly.

*****

"Hey, Tina," Beej said. "How's your first day on the job going?"

She gave him a sullen stare in reply.

"That good, huh? Listen, how about you and me go grab some lunch?"

"I'd rather starve," she said.

"Ah, come on! It'll be fun! We can get to know each other better -- maybe even have a little afternoon delight?"

"Lawrence!" Juno called. "You have a new one! Guy just bought it in the Adirondacks -- attacked by a bunny."

"A bunny??? "

"That's what I heard. Now go! And stop bothering the new girl!"

"Okay, okay, I'm going!" He turned to Carmen and blew her a kiss. "See you later, sweet cheeks."

*****

Beej was relentless in his pursuit of Carmen. Day after day she fended off his advances, to no avail -- he just wouldn't take no for an answer. She wondered if she should go to HR to report him for sexual harassment. Did they even have an HR department here?

She began trying to find excuses to be away from her desk whenever she saw him coming, but he was a guide -- she couldn't avoid him entirely. And even when she did manage it, he always found her.

In a way, she was flattered -- his interest meant that she hadn't lost her looks in death. But he was grimy and slimy, too short and too fat -- definitely not her type. And on top of that, he was a pathetic loser with nothing to offer her. Sleeping with him would certainly not help her situation, nor would it endear her to Juno.

No, Carmen Álvarez y García was definitely not interested in that boludo.

*****

"It's just lunch," Beej said. "You might be dead, but you still gotta eat!"

"For the thousandth time, the answer is no."

"Just lunch -- nothing else. I promise!"

Carmen sighed. "Just lunch?"

Beej nodded.

"No more talk of 'afternoon delight' or anything else?"

"Cross my heart and hope to -- well, you know what I mean."

She sighed again. "Very well, then, " she said. "I will have lunch with you. But nada de más, entiendes?"

"I love it when you speak Spanish," he said.

*****

"So tell me -- why'd you kill yourself?"

"It's a long story," Carmen replied. "You wouldn't be interested."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he said. "I mean, who cares, right? What's done is done and can't be undone."

"I ... I lost everything," she told him.

"Suicide'll do that."

"No -- I mean ... I killed myself because I lost everything. Everything I had worked for -- everything I had sacrificed for." She sighed. "I was always beautiful -- as a child in Buenos Aires, people would always tell me how beautiful I was, so I grew up believing that my beauty was my family's ticket out of the villas miserias, the slums. I thought it would get me a rich man for my husband, a fine house, riches ... and so, when I was old enough, I entered a beauty contest.

"And I won! So I entered another, and another, and another -- and I won them all! I was so happy -- I could see my future unfolding before me, everything I was reaching for within my grasp!"

"Sounds wonderful," Beej said.

"And then I won the Miss Argentina contest! I was overjoyed! Finally I could get my family out of that horrible neighbourhood! And rich men began to court me, wanting to marry me, buy me expensive jewellery, fancy cars -- my dreams were coming true."

Carmen fell silent, a look of regret on her face.

"Then what?" Beej prompted.

"I decided that I would go for the gold -- Miss World. I mean, when you are crowned the most beautiful woman of your country, that's the next step, right? That's what is expected of you, so that's what you do."

Beej nodded.

"And so I flew to Atlantic City, in New Jersey. It was my first time in the United States, and it was everything I had thought it would be! All the bright lights, the clean streets ... the American dream! It was a vision of heaven for a girl who had grown up poor in the worst villa in Argentina!

"The day of the competition arrived, and I saw all the other contestants -- all the most beautiful women in the world, gathered in one place. And I, this pobrecita from the slums, was among them! And I believed that I would win the title and take the crown.

"Pero, por desgracia, no fue así. I lost. The contestant from Finland won first place. And in that instant I saw all my dreams shattered, all my hard work was for nothing.

"I returned to my hotel room, and I cried. I cried for hours. How could I return home? A disgrace to my family, to my country? I thought that a hot bath would make me feel better -- you don't know how hard a beauty contest is on the body. ¡Ay ay ay! And high heels are terrible on the feet -- they really should be banned, you know.

"But even though a bath would make my body feel better, my mind would still be in turmoil. The pain in my heart was unbearable, and I began to cry again. Then, through my tears, I saw it -- the solution was sitting right there on the side of the tub. Mi navaja -- my razor.

I picked it up, took out the blade ... and then I thought about what would happen to me if I were to do this. I was a good Catholic girl -- I had been taught that suicide was a mortal sin. It's the one sin you can never atone for.

"Nonetheless, I could see no other option. And so I said a prayer ... and I slit my wrists -- first one, then the other, quickly, before I could change my mind.

"The blade was new, and it cut deeply -- but the pain was not nearly as bad as I had imagined. I was so scared! But even so, I stayed there in the bathroom as my lifeblood drained from my body.

"I felt bad for the hotel staff -- for having to find me like that, for having to clean up all that blood. But as you say, what is done is done and can't be undone.

"Eventually I lost consciousness ... and then I woke up here. In the Netherworld. Everything I've ever known, everyone I've ever loved ... I threw it all away because I lost a stupid contest! And I am cursed for eternity to wear this swimsuit!"

She squeezed her eyes shut as the tears spilled down her cheeks.

An unaccustomed surge of pity washed over Beej, and he got up and went over to her. He put his arms around Carmen and hugged her.

*****

Carmen began looking forward to having lunch with Beej after that. Every day, they would sit in the cafeteria together, talking and laughing, and it wasn't long before the tall, slim beauty contestant and the short, fat, green-haired ghost-demon became fast friends.

*****

"Lawrence! My office -- now! "

Carmen watched as Beej opened the door to Juno's office and went inside, his hair purple. He closed the door behind him, but she could still hear what was being said.

"How could you lose him???"

"He ran away," Beej said.

"He ran away? He had no fucking legs!!! " Juno raged. "Only an incompetent IDIOT lets a legless dead man escape!"

"I'm sorry, Mom," Beej whimpered. "I --"

" 'I'm sorry, Mom'!" Juno mimicked. " 'I promise I'll do better next time, Mom'! I'm so sick of your excuses! You're an embarrassment, a disgrace to the department! You're so busy fucking around, trying to get laid ... I wish I'd never pushed you out of my uterus! You're a pathetic excuse for a demon!"

"I'm sorry! Please forgive meee!" Beej wailed.

"Forgive you?" Juno scoffed. "After all I've done for you -- all the chances I've given you, you still continue to disappoint me! When are you going to grow the fuck up and take responsibility???"

"I'm trying -- I really am! "

"TRY HARDER!!!"

Carmen heard a bang -- Juno must have thrown a stapler or something against the wall in her fury. She was glad that at least the she-demon hadn't started hitting Beej.

Beej, at this point, was sobbing uncontrollably, and the sound hurt Carmen's heart. She covered her mouth with a hand, breathing hard as her tears began to flow.

"WHY DO YOU HATE MEEE???" Beej bellowed through his tears. "WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE IT???"

"NOTHING!" Juno roared. "THAT'S ALL YOU EVER DO, IS NOTHING!!! " She took a deep breath. "But what else can I expect from you? After all, nothing is what you are. A big, fat, useless good-for-nothing zero."

Beej continued to sob loudly.

"I know," he whimpered.

"But you're my son, and I love you anyway."

"I ... I love you, too, Mom."

A low groan escaped Carmen's lips as her heart finally broke for her friend.

"Now," Juno said gently, "you go and track down that legless guy and bring him back here for processing, okay?"

"O-okay," Beej said. "Thanks for ... for giving me another chance."

"You just make Mama proud -- for once."

The door opened and Beej came out.

Carmen could see the dejection in his demeanor. "Beej?" she said.

But he just flapped a hand in her direction as he left.

*****

"Beej?" Carmen said the next day at lunch. "I ... heard what happened in Juno's office yesterday -- how she treated you."

"It's okay," he replied.

"No, it's not okay -- it's not right for a mother to talk to her child like that. A mother's love should be ... unconditional, not a reward that must be earned. You should stand up to her -- tell her that you are a grown man, and that she must not treat you that way any longer."

"I can't," he told her. "She's my mom. And she's ... she's a big wheel around here. I'm ... I'm nobody." His eyes welled up, and he fought back the tears.

Carmen stood up and went to him, enfolding him in her arms. "¡Ay, pobrecito! It is okay to cry!"

"Why does she hate me? I -- I never asked to be born! All my unlife I've tried ... tried so hard to be a ... to be the kind of man she wants me to be! It's not my fault that I can't! I'm ... I'm just a big fat fuh-fuh-failure!" He began sobbing loudly into her ample bosom.

"Escúchame," Carmen said firmly, holding him at arm's length. "You are not a failure! Just because you are not who she wants you to be -- that does not make you a failure! She is the failure! She is the one who failed you! She is not worthy to be your mother!" She pulled him close and began stroking his hair. "You deserve to be loved, Beej," she told him. "Everyone deserves to be loved." Except that bitch, she thought.

"It's not just her," he sniffed. "Nobody likes me!"

"Now, I find that hard to believe."

"It's true -- I don't have any friends. I never did -- ever. Even when I was a kid, all the other kids bullied me. They hated me because I'm a dirty halfbreed -- they even killed my pet sandworm!"

Carmen's lower lip began to tremble. "Yo soy tu amiga, Beej."

He looked up at her. "I don't know what that means."

"It means I am your friend." She smiled at him. "You have ... grown on me."

"Really?"

She nodded. "You're smart, and funny, and you care about others -- even if you won't admit it. You are the best thing that has happened to me since ... since I lost the Miss World competition. Ti amo, Beej -- I love you."

"I love you, too, Tina," he replied. "Wanna get naked?"

She laughed and gave him a playful slap on the shoulder. "You are incorrigible! Don't ever change, mi amigo!"

Beej grinned broadly, his hair bright green.

[musical-shit-show]

Two Sides: Chapter 4

Previous Chapters: (1) (2) (3)

Characters: Musical!Beetlejuice, Female!OC, Lydia Deetz, Barbara Maitland, Adam Maitland

Warnings: anxiety, supernatural elements, cursing, kissing, sexual references, strange dreams (?), mentions of death

Word Count: 1,878

Author’s Note: So it has been a while since I posted this fic...I’ve honestly been distracted by other writing ventures but I forgot how fun this story was to write, so I will be updating more frequently (if anyone is reading, that is). As always, comments and constructive criticism are welcome! Enjoy :)

Chapter 4

“Oh, fuck oh fuck oh fuck what did I do—” Cassandra started to panic, all blood draining from her naturally rosy face. She checked the business card again, frantically scanning it for any more information on the frightening being that had suddenly appeared in her room. Beetlejuice looked absolutely elated. He straightened his tie as he eagerly crossed towards her, his hair still glowing a vibrant green that illuminated the entire room.

“Shh, hey, hey, hey, new girl, listen,” the demon cooed, fostering a false sense of security to quell her anxiety, “I just wanted to show my appreciation, what with you saying my name and all.” He extended his hand. Chipped black nail polish accented his fingertips. “Put her there.” 

Cassandra had barely extended her hand towards his when, like lightning, Beetlejuice yanked her forward, causing her to stumble. In one fell swoop the demon caught the living woman, dipped her clumsily, and placed an entirely non-consensual kiss on her lips. 

The ever-present smell of decay was increased exponentially now that Cassandra had come in direct contact with its source. She held her breath, paralyzed by the sudden and rather forceful kiss. When he finally released her, Beetlejuice sported a smug smile, licking his lips in what he thought was a seductive manner. Cassandra wiped off her mouth with the back of her hand, using every bit of strength in her to keep from vomiting at the taste of filth on her tongue. 

“I can’t thank ya enough for setting me free, doll,” Beetlejuice said, running his hand through his sickly green hair. His frantic energy made Cassandra even more anxious, “Being dead is fun and all but sometimes a guy’s gotta stretch his legs back into the world of the living, ya know?”

Cassandra’s head was spinning. ‘So, this guy is dead?’ she thought at lightning speed, ‘And I somehow set him free—whatever that means—by reciting some word from a fucking business card?!’ Beetlejuice noticed her slack jawed expression and grinned coyly.

“I take it you don’t know who I am, do ya?” he said, knowing the answer. If she had known who he was, she would’ve never been naive enough to read the card out loud. 

“No,” she said quietly, feeling a slight quiver in her voice as she spoke to the specter, “I mean, I’ve already met two dead people today, but they didn’t look anything like you. Who exactly are you, again?”

“I’m the ghost with the most, babes,” he replied, adjusting his coat, as if smoothing down the ratty suit jacket would make him look even the slightest bit presentable, “That word you so generously repeated three times is my name. Don’t wear it out.” The man grinned, and Cassandra scanned him again, noticing he had what appeared to be light green moss growing on his face. 

The striped suit, the green hair and moss…it triggered a strange sense of déjà vu. Suddenly, her mind flashed back to her eerie dream from the car ride. A look of dawning realization crossed her face, causing the demon to smile as if he were reading her mind.

“Yeah, that little vision you had earlier?” he said, smiling proudly, “That was all me. Breathers make it so easy to get into their heads, especially when they already have an affinity for the strange and unusual.” He quirked an eyebrow, studying her confused expression, “Though, not strange and unusual enough to see me when you arrived.”

“So, you’re invisible to everyone unless someone says your name three times?” Cassandra questioned. The specter nodded his head, “And I ‘set you free’? What exactly does that mean?” 

“It means I can affect the human world again,” he said with casually, whipping out a cigarette and beat-up purple lighter, “Lyds banished me a couple of months ago because I might’ve accidentally set fire to some shit around the house. Major bummer. But thanks to you, BJ is back, baby—” 

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Cassandra said, cutting him off, “You know Lydia too?” She felt her blood begin to boil as another secret her roommate kept from her was revealed. 

“Oh yeah, ‘course I do,” the demon said as he silently held out his pack of Marlboros, totally oblivious to the woman’s anger. Cassandra waved them away and he shrugged, taking a long drag of the cigarette wedged between his wide fingers, “She and I go way, way back. Adam and Babs too. In fact, they—” Suddenly, the door swung open, causing the demon’s mouth to clamp shut. Lydia stood in the doorway, her thin frame heaving with fury.

“Hey, asshole,” she said, her voice quiet and controlled, “How the fuck did you get back here.” Lydia marched up to the ghoul through a cloud of cigarette smoke, grabbing his tie and pulling him downward a few inches to meet her eyeline. 

Though Beetlejuice presented himself as a terrifying demon, Lydia’s rage had him shaking in his striped suit, the cigarette that hung loosely in his mouth moments before falling lightly thumping onto the hardwood floor. He silently pointed at Cassandra, who had her arms folded across her chest, her fingers gripping her arms tightly as she stared at her roommate. Lydia’s expression softened, and she let go of her ghostly companion and crossed to her roommate, who was growing redder by the second.

“Cassie, how—” 

“Oh, I don’t know, Lydia,” Cassandra snapped before the question could even be completed, “maybe if you didn’t leave weird summoning cards around, I wouldn’t have accidentally met another one of your friends. I take it that he’s a ghost, too?”

“Well, technically I’m a demon, but—” Beetlejuice started, thoroughly loving the drama. Lydia held up a hand to silence him once more. She pointed to the door.

“You,” she said, her blood still boiling from his shenanigans, “Out. Now.” Beetlejuice narrowed his eyes, and with a snap of his fingers, he vanished. 

“Look, Cass,” Lydia said, pinching the bridge of her nose, clearly overwhelmed, “I had nothing to do with the card. Beej did. I didn’t think I’d have to tell you about him because I assumed he was still good and banished. I’m really, really sorry.���

“Just, please tell me what’s going on?” Cassandra said, a clear strain in her voice, “I honestly don’t think my heart can take any more surprises today. Full truth, no secrets.” Lydia exhaled deeply and sat on the edge of the bed, motioning for her roommate to follow.

She recapped as much as she possibly could in a short amount of time. Lydia told Cassandra all of the important points: meeting Barbara and Adam after moving in, running into Beetlejuice on the roof, wreaking havoc, travelling to the Netherworld.

“He tried to do what—?” Cassandra blurted when Lydia mentioned Beetlejuice’s scheme to become human, “Were you not, like, 15?” Lydia shrugged.

“It was a green card thing,” she deadpanned. Cassandra cracked an incredulous smile, and Lydia broke into a giggle, “Seriously though, I weirdly understand why he did it. He wanted to be alive again so badly, and I had a plan to get rid of him. Turns out ‘marrying’ him gave him a dose of reality and me a chance to send his ass back to the Netherworld.” Cassandra raised her eyebrows in agreement, still trying wrap her mind around how marrying a ghost (demon? spirit? eldritch horror?) would bring them back to life.

“So why did you let him back, after all the shit he pulled, I mean?” Cassandra asked. Lydia picked at her black nail polish, which began flaking onto the bedspread. 

“I, well…I saw how lonely he was,” she confessed, “That’s what made us such good friends in the beginning; we both felt invisible.” Casandra smiled sadly, thinking to her own feelings of isolation; Lydia had partially saved her from those feelings. Although her loneliness had manifested in other ways, she understood how comforting it must’ve been to find someone who shared that feeling, even if they happened to be a dead guy with green hair dressed in an obnoxious striped suit.

“So, even after I killed him,” Lydia added casually, “it only took him a few months to show up again. Came topside again for some bio-exorcism a few towns over, and jumped at the chance to bury the hatchet.” She smiled fondly. “I didn’t mind, either. He’s a pain in the ass, but he’s my pain in the ass.” 

“Did someone say ‘pain in the ass’?” Beetlejuice materialized once more, this time with a bag of popcorn and a ‘Go Lydia’ pennant. “So, did I miss the catfight?” he asked gleefully, waving the small flag eagerly. Lydia pinched the bridge of her nose and Cassandra stifled a laugh. Her life had truly taken a turn to the ridiculously absurd over the course of one afternoon.

“Get off her bed, weirdo,” Lydia scolded, “I was just catching up Cassie on everything, since someone decided to be a dick about me banishing them for scaring the daylights out of some very important clients—” 

 “Now, now, Lyds, let’s not point any fingers here,” the demon retorted, brushing the dust off of his ancient suit, “You wouldn’t want to embarrass me in front of our guest, would you?” Lydia stuck her tongue out at him, and Beetlejuice sneered, the two of them acting like annoyed siblings. Cassandra suppressed another giggle, not wanting to encourage any more bickering. 

“Cass, this is Beej,” Lydia said, turning to her, “Or BJ. Don’t call him by his full name unless you want to banish or summon him. If you wanna get rid of his stupid ass, just say it three times in a row again. Really works when he’s being a prick.” She smirked while Beetlejuice still pouted. Cassandra was still studying him intently, fascinated with his entire being even after Lydia had explained his presence. As ghosts, Barbara and Adam were interesting to say the least, but Beetlejuice was something completely different.

Lydia gave an exasperated sigh, also feeling quite overwhelmed by the day’s events “Also, we were gonna maybe play a board game or watch a movie or something soon. You in?” Cassandra nodded, still trying to absorb all of the information that had just been thrown at her. She decided it was in her best interest to act as normal as possible now so she could bombard her roommate with even more questions after the weekend was over. Lydia then turned to Beetlejuice, who was oddly quiet, “You’re more than welcome to stick around too, Beej. If you behave yourself, that is.” He rolled his eyes, muttering something indistinct to himself. 

“What was that?” she asked, her tone far more threatening. The faintest streak of white appeared in the ghoul’s hair, indicating that he was actually afraid of her.

“Nothing, oh best friend of mine,” he said dully.

Lydia smirked again, and glided towards the door, turning her attention to Cassandra, “Seeing as you’re the one who summoned him, it might be in your best interest to get to know our little demon friend a little better while I set up tonight’s activities, eh Cass?”

“Lyds, I don’t—”

“Hey, what do you mean by little—?”

--------

Thanks for reading! Like/reblog/comment if you enjoyed or have any comments/suggestions!

[daydreaming-jessi]

Day Five: Wedding This... took... WAY TOO LONG. UUUUUGH.

anyways, Lydia’s tux is based off the amazing works of @acicadat and @thespacehatter who both made FABULOUS tuxes for her to wear, and I am but a lowly goblin who wanted to follow in their footsteps :’3

Now onto the story!!!

“Oh my god this is the wo-orst.”

Lydia paused, her finger poised to knock on the door when the gravelly groan of Beetlejuice drifted out of the room. She reconsidered her options, before deciding it wasn’t worth the effort and firmly tapped twice on the door. “Better be decent, Beej, I’m coming in,” she called, turning the door knob and stepping into her pseudo brother’s room.

Beetlejuice was laid sprawled out on the bathroom counter, hair a whirling mess of colors. He was mostly dressed, his kippah was in place, and he was properly cleaned up. It seemed the only problem he was only dealing with was a bad case of wedding nerves.

Lydia smirked and closed the door behind her, moving to grab Beetlejuice’s jacket off the bed and flung it at his prone body. “Get up, loser. It’s almost time for you to get married,” she ordered.

Lydia wasn’t quite sure how they’d gotten to this point, holding a wedding ceremony for Beetlejuice and the Maitlands in their home. She knew Beetlejuice had a crush on the Maitlands. He told her all about it in return for her telling him about her crush. She knew that one day the ghosts finally all got together, after various nail painting sessions in which Beej bemoaned his feelings, and some rather obvious heavy flirtation from both parties. She knew that they had basically reached the gross domestic stage of dating, the trio basically sharing the attic and spending a ludicrous amount of time being gross and schmoopy together. But Lydia wasn’t sure when they all decided they wanted to all marry each other. She just knew that one random day Beetlejuice burst into Lydia’s room hollering about how she needed to be his escort for his wedding that was now on. She didn’t know how the proposals had happened, but of course, she was all in. And of course she’d be Beetlejuice’s escort, she’d be offended if she wasn’t.

Her parents were happily roped in to help plan out the wedding, and the three ghosts were a mess of love and nerves about the upcoming wedding date. It was probably odd from an outsiders perspective, why would a ghost couple marry a deadborn when they all were no longer alive and it didn’t matter anymore, and some people would look down on the polyamorous aspect of the relationship, because some people cared too much about matters that didn’t involve them, but to Lydia this whole thing made perfect sense. This was how their family was, and it made the three paranormal beings happy, and that’s all that mattered to Lydia.

Slowly Beetlejuice peeked out from his jacket mournfully, pulling Lydia from her thoughts. “What if they realize they don’t want to do it? What if I fuck up, or they hate me and they le-ave?” he whined.

Lydia sat down on the bed, shooting Beetlejuice a flat look. “Listen, bitch. Barb and Adam aren’t just going to randomly back out and just hate you. For some weird reason, they like you enough to marry you, Beej. If they didn’t back out when you tried to convince us to have Sandy as the officiant, they won’t back out now on the actual day of the wedding.” The sandworm seemed upset that she didn’t get the part, but she cheered up when they had her stand guard over the chuppah, in case any other beast wanted to try crashing the wedding. The honor of officiant surprisingly fell to one Miss Argentina, who somehow was certified as an officiant for any type of wedding out there. Apparently ghosts getting married to each other was a common occurrence in the Netherworld.

Beetlejuice looked away, but Lydia’s words seemed to be working as his hair bled into a lovely mix of magenta and green. “Maybe you have a point,” he admitted begrudgingly.

Lydia stood up and kicked his leg. “I’m always right, and you know it. Now c’mon, I got dolled up and everything to take you to marry my ghost parents. I’m not gonna let you make all my hard makeup work be for nothing,” she gestured to the thick eyeliner and pale white foundation, making her appear as a ghastly apparition similar to the bride and bridegrooms.

Beetlejuice slowly stood, putting his jacket on properly. He straightened his kippah and sucked in a quick breath. “Ok, ok. Ok! I can do this. I’m the ghost with the most! I got this!” He growled to his reflection, flexing his hands.

“Yeah, you married a fifteen year old once, two consenting adult ghosts should be a cakewalk in comparison,” Lydia agreed, smirking.

Beetlejuice spluttered at that, spinning around and jabbing a finger at the teen. “I already apologized like a billion times for that! You’re really gonna bring this up again now?”

Lydia grinned, and turned to the door, gliding away. “Creepy old guy, creepy old guy, my ghost parents are marrying their own creepy old guy!” She sang.

“I swear to whatever deity out there, I will have my vengeance on you, Scarecrow!” Beetlejuice raced after her, and Lydia sprinted out into the hall, cackling.

Delia was walking up the stairs, carrying a folded cloth in her arms when Lydia raced out, and the teen quickly hid behind her stepmother. “Fix his hair, get him prepared for Armageddon. Sure, the grooms both crawled out of a tomb, but hey, hey, it's a wedding!” Lydia sang as she peeped around Delia.

Beetlejuice appeared in his bedroom doorway looking ready to chase after, but froze upon seeing the white cloth in Delia’s arms. “Oh,” his eyes widened as he realized that she was holding a tallit.

“What are you two doing?” Delia giggled, looking back to Lydia who looked like the cat who caught the canary.

“I’m pumping Beej up for the upcoming ceremonies, like a good escort,” Lydia explained, batting her eyes innocently.

Delia hummed disbelievingly, but turned back to Beetlejuice who was looking uncertainly at the tallit in her arms. Delia smiled, and unfolded the white cloth. “I thought you would appreciate having this for today. Hasn’t been used in a while, but I’m sure my parents would be happy with me letting it be used again,” she explained, carefully setting the tallit around Beetlejuice’s shoulders. He carefully clutched the cloth, swallowing heavily.

“Thanks, D,” he murmured, blinking his eyes rapidly.

“Of course, sweetie. Now, let’s get our creepy old guy married!” Delia grinned, grabbing Beetlejuice’s arm while Lydia grabbed his other and the three started for the stairs.

“So dim the lights, pick up some rice, say something nice. It's their day to shine, they’re getting hitched to our creepy old guy!” the two sang in unison as they glided down the stairs, dragging a put upon Beetlejuice with them.

“Goddammit you guys, why??”

They continued to tease him as they went, and when they met with Charles outside of the room they were going to sign the ketubah, they roped him into their impromptu singing. “Have you guys heard of Marston? This is like that, but supernatural!” He said as he opened the door with a wink, discreetly squeezing Beetlejuice’s shoulder reassuringly as they entered the room.

Beetlejuice felt ready to strangle hug them all tight at the same time, but then he saw the Maitlands, and if his heart was beating, it would’ve stopped right then and there. Barbara was drop dead (Hah) gorgeous in her dress, and Adam cut the handsomest figure in his suit, both just looking so… beautiful. What really made Beetlejuice happy, though, was seeing they were just as nervous as he was. Adam kept readjusting his kippah, and Barbara kept straightening her veil, but when the other four stepped in, the two locked eyes with Beetlejuice, and the biggest grins graced their faces. Beetlejuice never felt more ready for this in his entire after life. It was showtime.

“O.M.G. Dressed to a "T". Fancy and formal, I found me a husband and wife. L'chaim to life. This is so absurdly normal! I was ignored, but now, I'm adored! 'Cause I was real, honest and apologized. Give it up for my ghost husband and bride!”

The three almost cried when they signed the ketubah, and they actually did cry when they said their vows at the ceremony. It was disgustingly sweet, even Beetlejuice was shockingly sincere in his vows, his eyes only for the ghost couple he was marrying, the three of them draped with the tallit Delia gave them.

When the vows were given, the glass broken by the three, and everyone finished cheering, the three were quick to take their yichud before the reception. When the door was closed and they were finally alone together, they hugged, for a long, quiet moment. It seemed as if time had froze, and the moment would stretch on forever.

That is, until Barbara gently began to sing, “We are marrying our creepy old guy.”

Beetlejuice froze, before breaking down into laughter, shoving Barbara and Adam away as they sang “Creepy old guy!” at him with wide grins.

“I don’t even know why I married you!” He howled, his kippah almost tumbling off as he rocked back with laughter.

“It’s too late to back out now,” Adam grinned, wrapping his arms around the demon and holding him up.

“You’re a part of Maitlands 3.0 now!” Barbara added, throwing her arms around the both of them. The three laughed, the wedding jitters now long gone.

“Yeah,” Beetlejuice couldn’t help but agree, smiling back dopily at the two. Eternity with them was going to be better than any experience he ever could’ve had being alive.