#maybe even anguish
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#greatest songs of all time#i have such a complex emotional reaction to this song#i firstly think that in a way its haunted and it echoes the sounds of souls either lost or gone reminding you that your time will come#its also impossibly cacophonous in the way it exudes hopelessness futility and in a way depression#there is a loneliness to the song#perhaps its the very simple synths weaving in and out of the chorus and the arpeggios and the vocal harmonies#as a metaphor of a soul is observing life but never experiencing it#it just echoes the impossibility of being an outsider i guess#even though the synth doesn't exude a feeling of sadness or depression or anything negative#there is this unmistakable pain to it#suffering rather#maybe even anguish#i dont know all i know is it perfectly captures the suffocating flurry of emotions i go through every time i want to commit suicide#vatican shadow#dominick fernow#hospital productions#ambient techno
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in the tomb of saint gabriel
(may your woes be many)
#ultrakill#v1#gabriel#ummm....hi.#couldn't stop thinking about a fallen angel gabe boss fight ok!!!#his tomb is fashioned after his role in the annunciation#with a sculpture that depicts gabriel in his human guise as its centerpiece#importantly....this is not his true face at all but it looms over his casket#a perfect image that is perpetuated to both deny his fall and to shame him at the same time#in the fight itself he can no longer fly or teleport nor can he conjure any weapons#he's just fast and brutal and definitely goes after v1's wings#he's lost in his mental and physical anguish doing everything he can to tear v1 apart#REALLY leaning into when he said 'fight me like an animal' ig....#like i imagine him a lot like a bull....even using his horns maybe.....#doodle tag#UHUH i might do some more sketches but nothing so involved !!!#i can't see straight after staring at a billion cathedrals#ALSO i'll get back to asks soon thank u for ur patience!!#rise and fall au
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people saying xeno didn't feel anything when ordering stan to kill senku like he didnt drop the outlandish facade and pause during a time-critical moment to think about what the decision would truly mean and to have a moment to come to terms with it before he told stan to do it
#dr stone#dr stone spoilers#xeno houston wingfield#ishigami senku#you dont understand i Need the xeno + senku angst#it isnt about xeno's quick decision to have senku dead#its about the mental anguish of a jaded man pushed too far and given too much power in one rush#meeting a younger more idealistic scientist he knew he could have been#(maybe even was at one point in his life)#its about staring into a mirror and finding not your reflection cracked but yourself#its about xeno seeing himself in senku and deciding to kill it#its about the spiral downward into madness and desire (xeno) and the fight against it (senku)#xeno and senku have SUCH a special relationship i want to examine under a microscope
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dennis is gonna do his speech from DENNIS System ep to mac and mean it completely unironically and earnestly and mac is not gonna believe it because well, he heard him say that in the dennis system, how can he be sure?
#iasip#s16 spoilers#it's always sunny in philadelphia#always sunny#macdennis#macden#i like to cause chaos and anguish and maybe even distress#these are screenshots from a tumblr post thats years old#shoutout to uhhh ronaldmackledonald for them
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ough i wanna draw so bad but my arms are virtually Unusable... too much lifting and hauling... in other news i felt True and Intense Pining today for the soft, delightful, tiny pig beanie baby in a diner gift shop. she was a wonderful pink with a lovely purple nose...
#and make no mistake the strong emotion i felt was indeed pining. longing. Yearning.#gazed lovingly at her for a solid ten seconds in the checkout line#i will think of her often and fondly#leaving the diner without her Hurt Me. but i cant afford a new friend rn </3#still i am sitting by the bright window and playing rain sounds while looking outside in anguish#alas... we were two ships passing in the night....#absolutely unprompted#ough but really though i have to rest like. my entire arms on my desk#even just typing is making me take minecraft damage#Still I Am Going To Attempt Writing Because Now That The Work Is Done I Am Very Bored#maybe ill write some human au! i have Scene Ideas for it!#or ill continue to workshop lights out#probably work on act three... i cant decide which direction to go in with it#it'll end up in the same place for act four But. the road there... which turn will i make them take....#depends on how mean im feeling. theres the kind version. the distressed version. and the anguish version#knowing Me i will probably choose the anguish version as the au's canon!
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hey. if the codeflippa thing ever gets to the point where charlie is *aware* (but in denial/doesn't care/whatever) that she's a code monster and if anyone else ever sees her switch and kills the code and if charlie finds out about it (or, god forbid, he witnesses it). that will end not well I think. because we saw the aftermath of his daughter being killed accidentally- and he understood that fact fully. how do you think he'll react, if someone takes his daughter from him again, on purpose?
#he was an awful child mu.rderer before bc he didnt truly want to hurt anyone#he was in anguish and angry and alone and jumped at the first solution he could think of; even if it was completely irrational#he hasnt been angry like that since. when juanaflippa died a second time it was just despair#because after what happened to tilin hes been so so afraid of hurting people. so afraid of being the reason others had to feel that pain.#but if someone took away his daughter again. the light of his life. the only thing he has.#if they did that to him on purpose? if they made him go through all of that again *on purpose?*#maybe they deserve it. even if the eggs dont. even if he feels awful about it just moments after.#maybe they deserve to feel what they did to him.#can you tell im in qcharlie mode jsjfjejfhj im losing my mind <3#qsmp#qsmp charlie#qsmp slimecicle#qsmp charlie slimecicle
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I hate when something sad happens and all I want is to go spend a week out in the country away from where I heard the bad news like somehow being away from home means the Bad Things can’t reach me. It’s literally just running away. I want to lay at the bottom of a moving river (not dead, not drowning, a secret third thing)
#venting and loathing#he had two days of being married. two.#I’m so tired and I keep getting these waves of anguish and anxiety and I can’t find music CHILL and SOOTHING enough everything is too FAST#my joints ache so much lately too. I feel dreadful.#sometimes I feel like I take my anguish and misery and out it and myself into a glass case. and then put that case in a public space.#isolated. but visible. I have such a hard time showing emotional pain around others (even and especially loved ones) that it just ends up#being like this. I’m leaving post it notes in the hallways of my blog.#in time I’ll find this post again maybe and I’ll cringe at my own vulnerable state and how I bled personal things all over my space.#my hip hurts so much. but I’m alive. I’m alive. I’m alive.#I can’t give up today. because tomorrow might be the best day of my life.
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cant wait for the solevellan reunion in veilguard knowing aila (my poor sad oc) will try to kill him on sight
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age inquisition#solas dragon age#solas#the thing is. she was already pretty unhinged post base game#whole clan is dead and closest confidant (and previous partner) left with no goodbye or anything#and shes not like. articulate or anything i dont think she knows how to read or write#at least she didnt in the beginning maybe josephine helped her or something#and then after stopping a potential war (iirc im playing through tresspasser rn lmao)#she sees that fucker again#and hes the reason any of this happened#shes fuckin pissed dude#where she has trouble seeing reason bc her anguish and anger blind her#solas feels so guilty for all that hes done and how his actions have harmed mages and elves for like#what 1000 years or something like that#theyre both sad wet cats is what im saying#their reunion WILL need a mediator#but i mean thats just aila tho im curious to how other ppls lavellan will react to the egg#or even just how other inquisitors will react#hahhhhh aila used to be so happy and then her family died and it was all downhill from there tbh#she was fine with the breakup i think. sad but fine#wait did he leave w no goodbye i might be misremembering tbh#ANYWAY hashtag aila loredump in the tags lets gooooooo#we dont talk about my other character i beat the game with
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Oh how I wish to shatter myself into 10 pieces so I can create art for all the things fighting for a crumb of attention in my head
#so is the fate of a multi fandom artist who also has 5 relevant oc worlds#I can't draw naruto art when homestuck creepypasta hxh haikyuu and ocs are waiting for their turn#and I can't stick to only one#this is causing me so much mental anguish and on top of that art block#what makes it even worse is that I'm in the middle of exam season#how can I focus of uni assignments when I have Dave Strider and Hidan jumping around my gray matter?#I'm fighting not writing an essay number 876328 on how sectors of otherworldly creatures work in my main story#on the other hand maybe I should make a side blog for my ocs and their world even though no one cares about them
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developing a pretty bad side effect from one of my meds. uh oh!
#:)#getting the hypertension med-induced edema and i think if i have to endure this for more than another like 48 hours i Will kms#fully everything from my shins down is just slowly bloating and going numb/tingly. shoes are starting to not fit....it's bad for me#if it gets much worse walking will start to be a problem and i'm sorry i don't give a fuck but i'm not getting mobility problems!!#these meds have caused me nothing but anguish and torment since entering my life and i'm not even joking#maybe being on the highest dose of everything was a bad idea.........
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happy falling into the hole which resembles your grave but isn't, get out of this hole sunday
#if i can just sit out this evening tomorrow i might feel better#maybe the true alien you got impregnated with are the emotions trying to claw themself out of your chest along the way#aren't we all alien bait that way#hashtag monsterfucker#hashtag i still want that alien plushie i saw the other week#i feel frayed like disintegrating at the seems#👍#IT'S MY PARTY AND I'LL be in intense mental anguish that is three layers removed from my consciousness but still seeps through my very being#IF I WANT TO CRY IF I WANT TO (i can't though)
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lee seunghwan is tall and has good visuals, korean, super talented, AND has a preexisting fan base…… what went wrong i just don’t get it
#under19 fans letting min wumuti and seunghwan get eliminated: 😴#seriously though i thought he was popular in korea???#AND NOW HES GOING TO THE MILITARY???#i have a lot of picks that got eliminated and i’m sad about but tbh he was the most shocking#even more than zihao and his crazy one pick fanbase lol#and lsh was close with a bunch of popular k group trainees too?#like i was really surprised that jeonghyeon managed to leap up this far too#kpop#boys planet#mnet boys planet#lee seunghwan#he IS tall and handsome….. young and rich…..#maybe his stages just didn’t stand out enough?? like he was good but the stages as a whole weren’t super popular or talked about#and he didn’t get a TON of screentime either which is weird because he seems like an mnets fav type of contestant#my inner wonderland is in ANGUISH rn
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See and that's the tragic thing about post-Delphi Pharma lsdkfjlks. Whether it's because he believes he doesn't deserve reform or simply is too far gone to care, he would never actually admit to feeling regret or anguish and that's part of what makes him so easy to condemn. Pharma's victimhood and feelings of regret are entirely below the surface, read-between-the-lines, and isn't it hard to offer forgiveness to someone who seems to laugh at the idea?
#squiggposting#pharma apologism#bc that's the thing about writing pharma whump or whatever where he gets to call people out for mistreating him#that's not in character pharma would never admit to feeling hurt or lonely or any of that#his response to being asked if he feels guilt is to lie and laugh about it and say he doesn't regret a thing#and this is right after the Forcefield That Blocks Anyone Who Feels Guilt blocks pharma from going through it#this isn't apologism this is just connecting the dots of canon#WHEN PHARMA SAID HE DIDN'T FEEL GUILT HE WAS LYING EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW IT#personally i feel like you could read that scene a lot of ways#like on one hand you could read it as pharma being suicidal and deliberately baiting first aid to kill him so that he could be free of this#or you can read it as just pharma's typical insanity at this point where he's whimsical and uncaring#or you could maybe read it as pharma being so apathetic to everything that he doesn't care about his public image#and maybe would rather put on a front of unrepentance rather than cry in anguish or beg for forgiveness#personally i'd go for all of above#THIS GUY HAS LAYERS I'M TELLING YOU
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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so. its schizoaffective disorder. which is honestly funny bc they almost diagnosed me as schizophrenic when i went to the psych ward in 2022, but ultimately they settled on bipolar. always kept saying like "wow they almost misdiagnosed me can you imagine if that happened?? crazy." and THEN when they brought it up again i was thinking they did actually misdiagnose me the first time around.
but then BOOM its pretty much both of those actually. guess that explains the mania lol
#tongue#i guess im okay with things but im still really angry that people knew i was being weird and didnt even tell me#when i was still working at the pizza place id always feel like id be talking to people but theyd like#reply like we were having two different conversations#and it was pissing me off so much bc nobody was even listening to what i was saying#and this was happening regularly up until i moved again#and it still happens just not as much#but usually with specific people who just seem to not understsnd what the fuck im talking about#didnt rly think that was correlsted#maybe ppl got used to it but you still dont hear someone crying over false memories you KNOW are false snd say nothing#like it wouldve limited a lot of the mental anguish im having trying to sort thru whats real and what isnt#if someone said something to me earlier#no fucking wonder im withdrawling from everyone so bad#god i hate this so much#hope that street cleaner comes back and shreds me like a head of iceberg lettuce
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me every time I think about the current state of The Amazing Spider-Man comics: Here’s How Peter Can Still Win
#spider-man#I’m concocting schemes and plans that would bring it out on top I swear#hire me marvel but only after Quesada is fired#I’ll have Dan Slott doing letters while I’m fixing their fucking mistakes#it ain’t fuckin much but it’s honest work#listen so we have to reveal that current MJ is a fake. go animated series on them.#fuck them kids. fuck former aid to genocide with a boring ass name Paul#give the Jackpot thing to someone else. it’s a good gimmick but please for the love of god not on MJ#fix poor fucking Ben Reilly and maybe just let him stay dead#tackling the Parker Industries bullshit is gonna be harder#but it all culminates in beating the everloving shit out of Mephisto#Peter and MJ reunite and are once again best friends#and this one could be controversial but hear me out: Peter and MJ polyamorous relationship on and off w Felicia Hardy#since Harry is alive again (even though it’s stupid) maybe him too#things gradually fall back in place as they were before#Peter isn’t ‘dated’ bc he’s been around since the fucking 60s and he finally has a chance to grow up and be an adult again#and we focus on the other plethora of teen superheroes that are now around#bc Spider-Man may have been the first teen superhero but he doesn’t own it and the point of his character is not ‘youth’#listen. I’m so anguished every time I think about the comics.#I don’t want it to be destroyed I don’t want it to be irreparable#it sucks that any other marvel characters can keep running but Spider-Man is just going straight in the dumpster bc of idiots at the top
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