#maybe im better at those short feely ones

[aliceblisss]

helloo!! can you write a steve rogers x reader fic where the reader (who has a crush on steve) accidentally walks in to sharon flirting w steve and then she walks away and cries when clint, bucky, wanda, nat and tony saw her and asks her why. they knew why short after, and reader goes for a walk outside the compound. steve searches for her eventually as the other avengers asks him to confess and solve the misunderstanding. steve found the reader at the big christmas tree in rockefeller center making a wish and he confesses to her there 🥺 im sorry if it’s too specific!

Hi!! Thank you so much for your request and thank you for being so patient! I changed up a few of the details I hope you don’t mind <33

CW: language lol

A/N: I really liked writing this one. Send me more Steve and overall MCU requests!! Also remember to reblog as it helps a lot! <3

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The annual Christmas party is Tony and Pepper’s pride and joy.

It’s December 24th, Christmas Eve. A lot of us don’t have much family left to spend the holidays with, and those that do bring them along.

It’s the one night a year where we’re normal people. Everyone’s laughing, singing, dancing. Some drink a bit too much eggnog. But all in all it’s a fun, wholesome night.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I fought an army of five hundred men alone? Just me and Mjollnir” Thor sat beside me on the couch with probably his hundredth eggnog; to his and my surprise it appears to actually be kicking in a bit. In his defense Nat made it extra strong this year.

I sigh and smell the mix of eggnog and hot chocolate in my breath, “Yes Thor, you did. Like three times already and you keep adding people. The first time you told it was only two hundred men” I can’t help but laugh.

He furrows his brows and frowns, realizing I caught him, “No, I think you’re remembering it wrong”

I pat his knee, “Sure honey, whatever you say” with a smile.

Regardless of all that he begins to tell the story for a fourth time. Clint’s kids and Scott all listen to him in awe. Meanwhile I spot something across the room that made my heart sink.

I see Steve and Sharon laughing together, standing close to each other, being very touchy-feely. It made my stomach churn. But I was frozen in place, I couldn’t stop staring at them. Like that moment in a scary movie where you know something bad is about to happen but you can’t bring yourself to look away or close your eyes.

I know I shouldn’t really feel jealous. Steve and I are just friends. Obviously him and Sharon get along very well, she’s beautiful and clearly a better fit for him.

But I can’t help it. It makes me miserable. I’ve been in love for him for so long now I honestly wish it’d just go away at this point. Everything would be much simpler that way.

That way, I could just enjoy being his friend without my heart racing every time we touch or hold eye contact for longer than three seconds. I wouldn’t be over analyzing everything he says. I wouldn’t continuously get my hopes up thinking “maybe he does feel the same way”.

And then, just as that feeling of tears started to burn in my eyes, I noticed it; the mistletoe.

They were standing right below mistletoe. I started praying they wouldn’t notice but they did. Sharon looked up and smirked, Steve’s gaze followed. That’s it. Now’s the time to look away. I’m not gonna continue to torture myself here, much less with the sight of them kissing.

I got up abruptly and left the room, tears already streaming down my face. I went into another room and quickly closed the door behind me. Only to find Nat and Wanda in there.

They instantly got up with worry in their eyes. I could tell they were having a good time, talking and laughing. But it all disappeared off their faces in an instant when they saw me crying.

Immediately Nat walked up to me, holding my face up gently. “Hey hey, what’s wrong?” she asked.

But I just kept silently crying, ruining my makeup no doubt.

Natasha put her arm around me and led me to the couch where both her and Wanda sat with me and held me as I cried.

Wanda’s not the best at comforting, but I know she tries her best and I know she truly cares.

“Who do I have to hurt?” she said with a trace of her Sokovian accent that is more noticeable when she’s angry.

I manage to get the words out, “No one” in between sniffles.

“Then why are you crying?” she asked. I didn’t wanna say. It’s too embarrassing.

But Natasha took a good look at me and sighed, “I think I know”.

I turn to her, and she gives me a small smile and says, “Would this have anything to do with you liking Steve?”

My eyes widen. “How did you know?”

She raised an eyebrow at me, “I just do”

“You have feelings for Steve?” Wanda asked, genuinely surprised. I simply nod in response.

“Don’t worry, you’re fairly good at hiding it. It took me a while to figure out so I doubt anyone else knows. Especially him” Nat reassured me.

Wanda brought a tissue to me from across the room with her powers. I thanked her and cleaned up my face a bit.

“What happened though? Why are you crying then?” Wanda was still eager to know.

I took deep breaths to calm myself before recalling the memory. “It’s him and Sharon. I’ve seen how they are together, and just now they were all flirty n’ shit. And they were under mistletoe; I saw they were about to kiss”.

“Did you actually see them kiss?” It was Natasha who asked this time.

I shook my head, “I left before I could witness it”.

Nat kept rubbing my back while Wanda let me rest my head on her shoulder. I was still crying.

“Y/n there’s—” Nat started to speak but before she could continue Steve walked in.

“There you are” he said with a smile while looking at me. His face dropped when he saw the state I was in.

“What’s wrong?” he hurried towards me with worry in his eyes. I can’t face him right now, it’s too much.

I quickly get up and walk past him as I mumble a quick “Nothing” and leave the room. On my way out of the compound I grab my coat and I get in the elevator. Just as the doors were closing I saw Steve trying to catch up with me.

Once I’m out I put my espionage skills to use; right now I wanna be left alone. I decide to head for the big Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center thinking that’ll cheer me up a bit.

The loud sounds and all the sounds of the city start to overwhelm me but I just think that once I get to the tree I’ll be fine.

I arrive at the giant tree and stand in front of it feeling tiny in comparison. It was raining earlier so the water droplets make the lights look extra twinkly. It’s very cold, I shiver and fold my arms tightly regretting not bringing more than just my coat.

Despite there being so much commotion around me when I focus on the tree it all kinda fades away. So much so that I almost didn’t notice Steve standing at my side. I look at him through the corner of my eye; he’s also staring at the tree.

After a few seconds in silence he turns to me and says, “I figured you’d be cold”. When I turn to him I see he has my fuzzy hat and scarf. I can’t help but smile at the gesture, he give me a small smile too.

He then puts the hat on my head and wraps the scarf around my neck. I can feel myself blush but hopefully my cheeks were already red from the cold and he won’t notice. He smiles at me with gentle eyes but I force myself to look away, to focus on the tree. Because if I don’t I’ll drown in his eyes.

We both stand in silence staring at the tree. Our silences aren’t usually uncomfortable. But I know that he knows. So I’m silently freaking out on the inside.

“I tried to count all the lights once” I break the silence and my internal panic.

He snorts, “Of course you did. How far did you get?”

“Two-hundred and seventy-seven” I mumble, slightly embarrassed. Although I’d rather this embarrassment than the alternative.

“Wow, that’s determination” he said, genuinely impressed.

I held back a smirk, “Yeah, I looked at the tree dead in the eyes and said, “I could do this all day””.

We both started laughing. It’s nice to know we can laugh together no matter the circumstance. Even if he probably already knows I’m madly in love with him.

“Fuck off,” he said in between the laughter. I giggled in response.

After the laughter died down it was back to silence. Until…

“I know, y/n, I know why you were upset” Steve said.

My heart sank again, I was filled with fear. Fear of the inevitable rejection. “It’s—I’m sorry I—I’ll get over it” I fumbled over my words not know exactly what to say. But I was bracing myself for the worst.

He turned to me and took my hand of my pocket; mine were cold but his were warm. “What are you apologizing for?”. I saw the confusion in his expression. But also a tinge of pain which I couldn’t decipher. Did he feel sorry for me?

I sigh, I can see my breath in front of me, “For falling in love with you” I say feeling defeated at this point.

He takes both my hands now and holds them tightly as he says, “Do you feel sorry for how you feel about me? Because I don’t”

Now it’s my turn to be confused. “What?” my voice is small and frail.

“I am in love with you, y/n. I’m crazy about you. And I’m an idiot for not telling you sooner” he confessed.

I felt my heart thumping faster in my chest. Is this real?

“You are?” I asked, he nodded with a smile, “You are” I laughed nervously, and he laughed with me.

But then I remembered, “But wait, what about Sharon?”

“Sharon is a good friend, nothing more” he reassured.

“And the mistletoe?”

He let go of one of my hands and got something out of his pocket with a mischievous grin on his face. “You mean this mistletoe?” he raised his arm and dangled it above us while pulling me closer to him.

“I never kissed her. The only person I ever wanna kiss, is you” he said while looking back and forth from my eyes to my lips.

“Pepper’s gonna be mad you took the mistletoe” I tease.

He pulls me even closer and says, “She’ll get over it” and kissed me deeply.

I nearly melted in his arms. He dropped the arm that was holding the mistletoe and put it around my waist along with the other one. I threw my arms around his neck; holding on for dear life.

It was warm and soft, yet desperate in the sense that neither of us wanted to let go. When out lips finally separate he leans his forehead on mine, keeping his eyes closed. We start to giggle like little kids.

Suddenly we hear cheering, hooting and clapping. It’s Natasha, Wanda, Thor, and Scott.

We were embarrassed but couldn’t help but laugh.

“ABOUT DAMN TIME!” yelled out Nat.

“IM SO JEALOUS OF YOU Y/N” Scott yelled which made all of us burst into laughter.

“I guess I am pretty lucky huh?” I said to Steve.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb, “I’m the lucky one”.

[uwurakax]

another day ♡

pairing: oikawa x f!reader ♡

genre: angsty // exes // mutual pining ♡

summary: after the constant fighting and bubbling insecurities, you and oikawa both decide that breaking up is probably for the best. too bad that it wasn’t what either if you had wanted ♡

♡ read part one ‘save your tears’ here ♡

word count: 2k ♡

author’s note: super tired, i should be packing but im not lol, 4am gang ayyy. as always not proofread because i cannot stomach the idea of rereading what i wrote. this was what originally ‘save your tears’ was going to be, but part one got too long so haha. spoils of part one, so if you haven’t read it go ahead, or don’t lolol it could be read alone ig hurr hurr ♡

♡ (inspired by save your tears - the weeknd/ariana grande) ♡

At one point in time, you would’ve enjoyed an atmosphere like this; the blaring lights, pounding music, and even the heat radiating off warm bodies in a cramped space. It was much more enjoyable when you had the familiar, comforting presence of him.

Yes him: Oikawa Tōru. Also known as the the guy who broke your heart less than two months ago. You hadn’t seen him since the week after, finally being able to pick up everything and go. It was scary how silent it was between you two. The unit the both of you had made a home, your first home with him, just a little more barren. Just a little more bare.

Just a little more empty.

Once homely rooms were now plain. To anyone else, it could be called minimalistic or modern. Sleek if you were to exaggerate it. To the both of you however, it was just stone cold. A lifeless corpse. One poor imitation of what it once was.

And seeing it like this was almost enough to have your heart break for a second time. It was a physical representation of your relationship. The feelings of warmth, comfort, admiration, any and every word any literary body could ever akin to love was once found here. It was sad to see it gone, almost like it was never there. However if you looked past the surface you’d see all the small details of things that once occupied the room. The once full drawers now easily fitting clothes with plenty of room to spare. A countertop with products only to one half of the sink. The minuscule dust imprints left behind on the shelves that once housed your books.

The lingering smell of your perfume that was once so prominent.

You couldn’t tell, but Oikawa could. In the week you were gone, it slowly started to fade. The first night Oikawa was drowning in it. It clung to, what once was, your pillow and on the blanket. Choking and suffocating him with the sweet smell. He couldn’t bear to see the bed without you in it, and hated the God awful smell. Opening the window and facing away, he had a dreamless sleep that night.

And as the week passed, so did the scent of you.

He couldn’t explain why, but the moment he opened the door, his body felt at ease. His eyes blessed, even if you had those dark circles and slightly red eyes with unkempt hair. It was as if it was instinct to feel relief at being near you.

It was the longest few hours of Oikawa’s life that day, and somehow it was still just too short. Helping you gather your things, putting them into boxes and loading them into a tiny hired truck until eventually there was nothing left.

You were gone from the apartment, and now Oikawa’s life.

It was awkward the second time, saying goodbye. The finality of it all dawning on the both of you. You at least had this excuse to see each other once more. After this, there was nothing. No more reasons to come back, to call, message or even see each other again.

This was officially the last time you’d ever get to see Oikawa Tōru.

You’d both stood there for a few moments, only the wind against leaves and the occasional car offering any sort of background noise. Neither of you wanting or willing for this moment to end. Despite it all, it wasn’t hard to see that you both yearned for each other. Just how cruel it was that you couldn’t see it.

Oikawa kept your pillow close that night. The smell of you was so faint, he was sure that it wouldn’t be too long before it completely faded. As he held the plush item near his chest he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of life he could’ve had with you if he wasn’t so prideful? All the fantasies and white picket fences surged in his mind, and so he finally drifted off to sleep, thinking of you.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

“Here”

You turned to see your best friend handing you a glass of, well you weren’t sure exactly but anything to dull your senses at this point was okay in your book. Yes, almost two months since your breakup and you were still so torn. It was what he wanted right? Your lives are better this way. You’re sure his is. He wouldn’t have to hear you “nag” as he so put it, and you didn’t have to feel the exhaustion resulting because of it.

It was better this way. You knew it. Oikawa knew it. Your friends and family knew it. Heck even the old ladies down the damn street knew it.

So why did it feel so shitty.

You downed the drink quickly, not wanting to go through the spiral of emotions you were sure you were going to experience. You’d deal with the pain and hangover tomorrow like the adult you were. For now you just wanted to dance till your feet hurt, and then drink until they stopped hurting. A quick descent into self destruction that you’re sure you’d regret.

Or maybe you wouldn’t.

The moment you turned your head to get back to the dance floor you locked eyed with him.

For a moment you stopped breathing. The music faded out quickly and the patrons of the club disappeared. Suddenly it was just you and him.

He looked good this time around, nothing like the last time you saw him. His perfectly fluffed and styled hair that was just so effortlessly Oikawa had become messy bed head. His bright chocolate eyes that twinkled just a little with mischief when he smirked had become sunken. His whole demeanour had completely drooped into a depressive state. It hurt to see.

He wasn’t like that now. He looked like how he had been before. No longer were the remnants of a heartbroken man. Oikawa Tōru had gone back to his charming self once again.

A cute girl with silky, long black hair approached him and just as quick as they went, everything came flooding back; the music, people and you found yourself being able to breathe again.

She touched his arm and laughed. The look in her eyes filled with the glimmer coyness. Her body language oozed with flirty persona. It was all too familial.

You should’ve guessed that he’d date again. It wasn’t like he couldn’t. The moment you both severed the relationship he had every right to do what he wanted. You did too. Sure you were seeing someone, but it wasn’t like that.

All too, touchy-feely.

It hurt to see, you weren’t going to lie. Seeing the way he touched her, held her, danced with her. For a good portion of the night you saw it. Seeing him be with her, the way he used to with you. No longer being the main character in his story; you were in the audience, watching.

You didn’t want to stay until the ending.

Without a word, you briskly brushed passed sweaty bodies, being bumped a few times before you finally made it to the door and opened it.

You walked a couple paces to the middle of the footpath, deeply inhaling the fresh air. It wasn’t suffocating anymore. You fumbled with your purse, reaching inside to pull out your phone. With the glow of neon lights emanating behind you, you saw a stray tear on the blackness of your screen.

Fuck, when did that happen?

You wiped it with the palm of your hand, and went to unlock your phone. As you prepared to send a text you heard the call of your voice.

“Tōr-Oikawa?”

He mentally winced at this, the formal tone of using his surname struck something inside. He didn’t like it, not at all. It wasn’t right, it felt strange.

“What are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here? You followed me”

“Right... I guess I just wanted to see how you were, that’s all” he looked away, awkwardly scratching the back of his head. You softened at this. It just took you back to why you fell for him in the first place. The little things like this, that made you feel cared for and loved. Perhaps for a few minutes you could be delusional and pretend that Oikawa still cared for you.

“I’m fine, what about you? How is everything going?” Yikes. You cringed at how awkward you were being. You supposed that that’s how it was, not exactly friends and not complete strangers either.

“Yeah fine too...” he trailed off, and just like that you were brought back to that time before you left. Before the official goodbye. Not ready to end things just yet, but neither knowing what more to say.

Just for a little while, let me remember every trace, curve and detail.

You didn’t know what came over you, but soon enough you found yourself drawing closer to Oikawa. He looked at you with half lidded eyes, not daring to move a step, almost afraid if he did it would ruin this moment with you. Yes, it was selfish but...

You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, just like a memory from before. Using the pad of your thumb, you gently brushed over the soft skin. Ever so delicately, you traced down his jaw. The intimacy of your movements crossed a boundary between you. You knew it and he did too. You’d let yourselves be greedy though.

Oikawa raised his own hands to touch your face, perfectly ingraining it into his mind and body. His fingers slowly going over your features. He wouldn’t allow himself to forget any part of you.

It wasn’t long until you both wanted to overstep more.

The longing between you too great to try and stop. Eventually you both moved closer, faces and soul alike reaching for the other. Just a bit closer.

“Y/N?”

“Oikawa?”

You both frantically pulled away, heart racing now.

“Kageyama..”

“Tobio”

Oikawa tried to hide the venom in his voice, he really did, but when he saw Kageyama make his way beside you he couldn’t help but see red.

It didn’t seem like life was playing a very fair game.

“Oikawa are you alright?” He looked down at the petite girl beside him, now clinging to his arm. He threw on one of his brilliant smiles and told her it was okay.

“Are you cold? Here” Oikawa couldn’t keep up that smile for too long, not when he saw him putting his jacket around you. How you snuggled into the warmth. How it showed Oikawa that you were no longer his, and that you now found solace in another.

He couldn’t blame you, he knew that deep inside. He did the same, why shouldn’t you? It didn’t stop the burning hatred and envy he felt. The overwhelming sadness that enveloped him. All a heavy dump of emotions thrown on him within a few seconds.

You felt it too though. That girl hanging off his arm. Getting to parade around that Oikawa was hers. It was totally unreasonable to feel this way. You both ended things. It was mutual right? You would’ve told him and he would’ve told you if this breakup was a mistake right?

Right?

“Wanna go?” Kageyama whispered in your ear. You nodded.

“It was nice seeing you again T-Oikawa” you smiled sadly.

“You too Y/N...bye” you both turned away, walking in opposite directions. With every step, your heartache grew just a little more. Almost like your body needed to be near his, the memories it held being more truthful than your head could ever be.

Your heart, body and soul wanted Oikawa.

Your mind told you to let him go for his sake.

“Hey Y/N?”

“Hey Oikawa?”

“Yes Kageyama?”

“Hmm?”

“He was your ex right? Oikawa?”

“That girl back there, is she her? The ex?

“Yeah he was”

“Yeah, she was”

“Do you still love him?”

“Do you still love her?”

There was a pause and you both stopped, mulling the question over.

Did you still love each other? It wasn’t hard to tell, everyone knew the answer. Ask any stranger but...

“No”

..

...

..

You both lied.

[rodeo-boots]

Hi there! Im not sure if I've requested from you before have I?

So I was wondering if I could have a one-shot Sadie/F!ChubbyReader? Something sweet that gets steamy.

I was thinking that it could be the readers having a rough time because she thinks she's unworthy of love and the fact that she's into women makes it even harder.

Take your time, no need to rush~

Feel free to message me if you cant/won't do this I understand Xx

You hadn't requested from me before, btw. BUT I really loved writing this one for you! I hope it's what you've been looking for <3 (I also hope there are no more errors left, I only proofread this once)

Rating: Explicit

Words: 2679

Warnings: NSFW, Low Self-Esteem Reader (Body-Image issues)

AO3

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It was one of the rare occasions when camp was quiet, most gang-members fast asleep as darkness spread over Clemens Point.

You had missed the silence, already used to the rambunctious songs, to the laughter and chatter of the others. Even if those good times never were to last.

These days, it was hard to achieve happiness, to feel even remotely safe, your travels East having shaken the entire group to the core.

And sometimes, you wished you had stayed in the West, had bought land and settled down like you've planned, even if that might not have changed a thing.

When it was quiet, like now, your mind often wandered, drifted along with the sounds of rippling water.

It was nice here, better than it had been up at Colter, but you still felt out of place. And no amount of fresh air or crisp water could change that.

With a sigh, you leaned further against the log behind you, your arms crossed in front of your chest where you sat.

At least in the darkness, no one had to stare at you. Had to see you.

You could just be, with no obligations to be appealing to anyone at all.

Never before had Dutch sent you out to distract any targets, to use your good looks on unsuspecting fools like the other women at camp often did. Because you had none. Or so you told yourself.

Of course it was harsh, of course you had other things to offer. But with a couple pounds too many, with chub around your cheeks and your hips, you didn't feel as attractive as you wished you would be.

You envied Abigail, Mary-Beth, Karen, Tilly... if not for their appearance then for their confidence. And Sadie? Sometimes you wished you could walk a day in her shoes, that you could stop caring about what other people thought and put on some pants.

Though you feared you'd only get stared at more like that.

Time went by without you noticing. Maybe you've nodded off somewhere down the line, the sight of the water gleaming beneath the moonlight oddly tranquil and soothing to you.

Your thoughts continued to roam, continued to shift and flow like the water in front of you.

Occasionally, you'd see a fish jump out of the lake, would hear a nocturnal bird taking flight within the nearby trees. And you yearned to be free like them; free of judgment, of society's standards, and your own low self-esteem.

You wondered if they perceived beauty like humans did, if they stared down at the two-legged, wingless creatures, saw long and flowing hair idly whipping in the breeze, or a freckled face and bright eyes and fell in love.

It would be a loss if they didn't, if they were unable to see what you did – and you decided that maybe, being a human might not be all that bad.

Sure, all you could do was behold the beauty around you. You knew you would never get a chance of something more; knew you couldn't compliment the way Sadie's yellow blouse flattered her figure and receive more than a simple "thank you".

It had always been like that – you, finding beauty in another woman, finding beauty in her voice, the sparkle in her eyes and the way she strutted and sauntered along the way. You knew you couldn't change that, knew that you would never be 'normal', but hell, you didn't want to be. If there even was such a thing as normal.

In the past, and even up to the current day, you've struggled with it. With your sexuality.

You had come to terms with it, of course, but you knew that you only stood out more with your chosen way of life. If your body wasn't enough to keep people away, your orientation might just be, and it worried you, what the others might think should you ever come out to them.

It hadn't been your intention to grow upset, your brain doing it to yourself no matter what you tried to do about it.

So you sat and stared out onto the lake, gaze blank as you simply beheld the beauty all around. Watching, and doing nothing, as always.

The sound of boots upon sand drew you out of your thoughts, your head turning to see a familiar figure approaching.

She was tall, slim, her hair braided beneath her hat. A few strands hung loose, though that only held it's special charm.

"What're you doin' out here?" Sadie asked, sitting down on the fallen tree behind you. She kept a bit of a polite distance, crossing her legs as her elbows rested upon her propped up knee.

You swallowed softly, looked back ahead and out onto the wide lake. "Just thinking," you explained, unable to come up with anything else that might explain you being restless and awake at this time of day.

The other woman hummed, her own gaze trailing over the water in front of her.

It appeared black in the dark of night, only little light reflexes showing the movement of the soft waves.

"Did someone say somethin' again?"

Her sudden words brought you back to reality, the silence between you having stretched for a couple minutes before. It wasn't rare that the less pleasant people at camp upset you over your insecurities, pointed out facets of yourself that didn't need to be addressed.

You shook your head, anyhow. Today, that hadn't been the case. Besides, you never knew Sadie paid any attention to the treatment you received. "It's me," you mumbled after a moment of consideration. "Me who made me feel like crap."

And while you huffed at the words you spoke, they were genuine. Oftentimes, it was you who made your life harder than it had to be.

Sadie pushed herself off the log, plopped down into the slightly moist sand by your side. You watched her from the corners of your eyes, unsure what she was intending to do.

But she didn't do anything, merely sat with you and stared out into the water, thinking about what you had said before.

"I did that a lot," she eventually spoke up, turning to face you. "Guess it ain't the same, but I– sat and thought a lot, too. That never seemed to help." She chuckled, but the sound was rather mirthless, her tone more serious than anything.

You had seen her in the past, had seen her sitting outside of camp, far from anyone else. She's had a broken heart to nurse, had a terrible loss to get over, and in the end she had come out stronger than ever.

"You don't gotta tell me, if you don't want. Maybe it'd make you feel better, though."

Inhaling, you thought about her words, wondered if you would even be able to put your innermost thoughts and feelings into words.

Never before had someone asked you to share them, no one ever having as much of an interest in you as that.

"It's nothing," you tried to deflect, tried to invalidate your troubles in order to not burden Sadie with them here and now.

The woman snorted, however, raised a brow as she looked at you. "Don't look like nothin' to me," she pointed out, not impolitely.

"How about this–" she sat up, her back against the log as she gestured for you to come closer, to lean back against her chest.

For a moment you could only stare in disbelief, though you took the chance now that it was offered to you. It had been a while since you've last been physically close to anyone, after all.

"Comfortable?" Sadie asked. You gave her a nod, your heart racing in your chest and beating within your ears.

Holy Shit. That hadn't been how you'd imagined this night would go.

Sadie wrapped her arms around you loosely, rested her chin atop your head. She seemed content herself, seemed like she had wanted to do that for a long while. The thought made your heart skip a beat.

"I know you think you're worse than you are," Sadie spoke up again, keeping her voice low while speaking to you. It was oddly soothing, her usual rough tone sounding more than just pleasant to your ears. "But you ain't bad. Truth be told, I admire you."

That made you pause, your breath catching in the back of your throat. "Me? For what?"

She chuckled kindly, brushing through your hair to tuck a few strands behind your ear. "For knowin' who you are, and what you want. For stayin' true to yourself no matter what anyone says."

Yet again, you hadn't expected her to be all that perceptive, hadn't expected her to know much about you at all. For as long as you've known her, your conversations had been brief, cut short by your occasional shyness and nervosity. Sadie seemed to have read you better than you ever could've thought.

"I..." you weren't sure what to say, or if you should say anything at all. The woman's arms around you were soothing, almost soporific, though the warmth pooling within you made it hard to consider dozing off.

"I always wanted t'know more about you," Sadie continued, nuzzling the top of your head, her lips brushing over your strands of hair. "Wanted to know more 'bout the beautiful woman who's stolen my heart."

You were sure this had to be a dream, that you had passed out after all and your mind was playing tricks on you by now.

But Sadie felt as real as could be, her hot breath in the nape of your neck, her arms around your waist, thighs left and right of your hips. Whatever you had thought of before, all your insecurities and doubts, it all seemed far away by now.

"Me– Me, too," you brought out, confessing to your feelings without directly doing so. Sadie was more bold and confident than you were, was more brave and straight-forward in your eyes. And just like she had said before, you admired her just as well. But most importantly, you were sure you loved her.

Feeling enlivened by her words, empowered by the warmth swelling within your heart, you turned around, straddled her lap and properly looked her in the face. "I think I love you," you properly confessed, cupping her freckled cheeks like you've wished to do for so long already.

She smiled up at you, keeping her hands on your waist for now as she leaned in, and captured your lips with her own.

The kiss didn't last as long as you've wanted it to, but upon pulling away, Sadie spoke up again; "I know I love you." Her smile grew, your forehead resting on hers when you returned the gesture.

Once your lips had met the first time, you couldn't stop yourself from going in for a second kiss. Your eyes fluttered shut, fingertips gliding along Sadie's sides and down to the hem of her shirt. Now that you knew of her feelings towards you, and were fully certain as those within yourself, you only wanted more.

She reacted in kind, teased your tongue with hers when her lips parted ever so slightly, a moan slipping into the kiss. You weren't sure if it had come from you or her, but that didn't matter much, not when your hands soon met bare skin, fingers gripping her sides while her own ran along your thighs.

"You wanna do this right here?" She asked, leaning back a little to capture your stare.

Slightly out of breath, you nodded. Hell, you didn't care where you'd do this, as long as you could feel her skin on yours.

Without missing a beat, Sadie worked on helping you out of your dress, glancing back, only to make sure camp was as quiet as it had been before.

Even if a few drunkards were still milling about, you couldn't care less, your fingers working on her buttons to relieve her off her top layer, before climbing off her lap to get her pants off her hips.

Naked, you laid back in the sand, invited her to follow you only for her lips to meet yours again. She placed her hat on top of your head, gave you a small smirk as her lips wandered lower, over your collarbone and down to your chest.

Moving boldly, her mouth latched onto one nipple right away, one hand kneading the other breast while she suckled and licked your sensitive bud.

Your breath hitched, spine curving to get closer to her heavenly mouth, your head already swimming without her having done too much just yet.

Soon enough, she had stimulated your other nipple to full hardness as well, laying down on her side next to you, and pulling you in for another kiss. "Let's keep this quiet," she muttered, her fingeres wandering once again until they reached your sex, a hum leaving her lips when she discovered the hot wetness there.

She caressed your folds, encouraged you to hitch one leg up and around her hip while coating her fingers within your slick. Slowly, her fingers circled your clit, made your hips jerk sporadically and your muscles tense here and there.

"Can I?" You had only pulled away from the kiss for a second, glancing at her while your fingers slid down her flat stomach.

"Be my guest," she grumbled, trailing lovebites along your collarbone and up to your shoulder, the small motions of her fingers on your clit steadily driving you insane.

To offer her the same kind of pleasure, your hand soon found the spot between her legs, met with an equal wetness as that between your own. You groaned, teasingly gliding your fingers through her folds before your thumb focused solely on her nub.

She gasped, almost sounding surprised, like she hadn't been touched there in a while, though that only spurred you on more. You wanted her to feel as good as possible, pulling away after another few moments only to propose another idea.

"I wanna taste you," you muttered, fingers disappearing from her soaked cunt as you laid back. Seemingly catching on right away, Sadie climbed on top, straddling your face while hers was right in front of your own crotch.

With the new position, you dove in without a moment's hesitation, held onto her hips and pulled her close as your tongue licked through her folds and up to her nub.

She moaned out, had to have bitten down on her lip to keep more sounds from surfacing before she leaned down herself, and focused on your clit right away.

Besides the sounds of your actions, the occasional slurping, squelching and your labored breaths, it was still mostly quiet, the area belonging solely to you in this moment.

You rolled your hips upwards, chased more of the heavenly feeling of her mouth on you as you felt yourself getting close.

Clearly, Sadie wasn't all that far, either, her abdominal muscles flexing while her thighs tried to squeeze your head, the motions of her tongue growing more desperate the closer she got to her climax.

It was over much too quickly, had been too long for you to hold back at all, your body tensing for a moment before releasing in a rush of endorphins that was better than anything you've had before.

You pulled back for air, slipped two fingers into Sadie's tight cunt to grant her a satisfying release as well, and watched, when she shook and trembled through her very own orgasm.

She rolled off of you after a moment, cursing under her breath as she did so.

It wasn't long before she crawled back up to you, however, before her lips met yours and you could taste yourselves upon each other's tongue.

"You fancy a midnight swim?" She asked when she pulled away, sitting back on her knees and helping you up when you agreed.

[garbage-eater144]

THE WARFSTACE AUTOMATED INTERVIEW CAPTIONS

i was chattin in the discord and some people said it was tough to understand some bits, obviouslt this is made by a fan (me) so it might have a couple errors here and there but ive checked through it quite a few times and it seems about as right as i can get it.

so !!SPOILERS AHEAD!! also @markiplier feel free to correct me if you see this thank u <3 The warfstache automated interview

Starting video captions

[Wilford] Well, that’s terrifying… one moment!

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] (frightened sound) marginally better… er worse… better? Worse. It’s much worse.

{mechanical whirring}

[Wilford] Ah! there we are. Welcome, pretend I remembered your name here, this is a pre-recorded message anyway, I would NOT want to be in the same building as that thing I tell you me. Anyway, thank you whoever you are for agreeing to test out the Warfstache automated interview automaton, or {yelling} WAIA for short. Let’s start off with some quick calibration. All you need to do is sit back, relax and listen for some numbers. Okay? Here we go.

[WAIA]- (phone dialing, dialup tone, windows error sound)

[WAIA]- (scary mechanical garbled noises, followed by a ding and celebratory trumpets.)

[wilford]- now what did you hear? Numbers? Good numbers. Keep in mind I have no idea what youre going to say due to the fact that, as I said before, this message is pre-recorded. But if you did hear something, now would be the time to speak up.

[wilford]- don’t be shy, I’m sure nothing bad will happen. I don’t know what you’re going to say but if it does happen it will happen and if it doesn’t happen it wont happen. Thats how deterministic reality works.

I Think I Heard Numbers!

[wilford] Thats great! Or bad, not really sure what you said, but I choose to remain positive and assume that you are still alive. which means our automated friend here is operating well within acceptable murder parameters. We’re one step closer to mass production! THE WORLD DEMANDS MORE INTERVIEWS! And I cant be everywhere at once all the time, only some of the time! Even you might land an interview some day! Maybe, probably not, depends on how these next few minutes go. On to the next test! Word association! The fundamental basis of any good interview is getting the goods out of those stubborn interview-ees. The WAIA will say a word and you just say back the first thing that pops into your little head! Simple! Right? probably. Good luck!

{mechanical whirring}

[WAIA]- initializing word association training protocol round 1

{scary mechanincal noises} [WAIA]- Please respond. [WAIA] Sorry, I didnt get that. Round 2. {yet more scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- please respond.

[WAIA]- response unclear, increasing aggression

{clicking and mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- round 3. {increasingly threatening mechanical noise} [WAIA]- Please respond.

[WAIA]-5 [WAIA]-4 [WAIA]-3 [WAIA]-2

Sounded like nightmare garbage to me…

[WAIA]- {mechanical ah?} {clicking}

[Wilford]- oh I forgot to mention, please do not say the word nightmare, or uh garbage, or nightmare garbage, or any combination of those words, the WAIA is just a little bit sensitive Yknow, a little touchy feely. Well not really touchy feely.. we-well actually REALLY touchy feely depending on your definition of touch and feely. Its really gonna-

[WAIA]- {jumpscare sounds} [WAIA] I. tell. you. me.

But you didn’t say anything…

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]-response unclear. Increasing aggression.

{ding sound effect} [WAIA]- {jumpscare noise}

[WAIA]- it. was. an. accident.

Uh… potato salad?

[WAIA]- 1

[WAIA]- response accepted

{ding followed by triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- word association raining protocol compl-{mechanical freakout eeeeeete}

[Wilford]- most dearest next of kin, I regret to inform you, that your dearly beloved and/or most despised has regrettably but not unexpectedly become recently deceased in the line of duty. Be confident in the knowledge that their demise was just as likely to be quick and painless as it was slow and agonizing. Please do not respond to this voicemail as the number has already been disconnected. {clears throat} alright that should do it for the… death scenario, now onto ah, er, uh, the survivors {mumbling}. Wow! Potato salad. A real thinker, you. But the test has been passed with flying colors and you’re still alive! And speaking of flying colors, our next test is about something called, uh… synthetic linguistics? That sounds made up. but the point is you cant have a good interview is the WAIA isn’t able to conjure up the right words in the right situations. So our friend is going to fire off some random words and you just try to spot anything that doesn’t make any sense. Alright? Although, pretty much everything isn’t going to make sense because its all random words….. errrr I BELIEVE IN YOU!!! {mechanical sounds}

[WAIA]- initializing speech training protocol round 1.

[WAIA]- yes. no. maybe. left. right. Up. down. D o w n. B a s e m e n t.

{windows error tone} [WAIA]- Rewrite Detected {tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- who. Where. what. Am. i.

{windows error tone}

{tape rewinding sound}

[WAIA]- green. blue. Yellow. pink. Red.

{scary mechanical noise}

[WAIA]- I saw you die

[WAIA]-{error, but garbled and mechanical}

[WAIA]- {with a different voice} potato salad

[WAIA]- speech training protocol complete

{mechanical noises}

[Wilford]- so how’d it go?? Did you hear anything weird? Dont be shy, or do, or are- are you alive? Are they alive?

[wilford]- I didnt kill them! I dont know if theyre dead! im just asking!!! Cant a man ask if someones alive or dead?!?! {frustrated ugh}

Yeah, I’m dead.

[Wilford]- hellooooo are you alive down there? Give me a sign… through the multiverse!!! Ah why am I even bothering, but how can I tell if you’re dead… hmmm ah…. I’ll flip a coin! I’ll flip a coin..

{coin flip sounds} [Wilford]- ah! Its heads I didn’t call it in the air… what’s heads mean.. ahhh uhhh heads is dead? [WAIA]-{jumscare noises}

[WAIA]- theres. still. time.

He said… potato salad?

[Wilford]- huh, potato salad again. That’s weird, it must’ve really stuck in his head when you first said that, I’m guessing. I don’t know what you said before because as I said, this is {sing-songy} pre- recorded! [WAIA] {mechanical aaaa}

[wilford] er, well I think thats all the calibration that needs to be done… for now anyway. All systems are likely nominal at this point unless im speaking to a pile of quivering meat thats been robotically smooshed into the floor… either way we’re gonna take this bad boy for a spin with a full on interview! A mock interview mind you, don’t get too excited, it’s not real. But theres no reason to wait around for the WAIA to get bored so let’s keep it nice and limber while you sit back and get ready for the interview of your life! And maybe the last one too. Have fun!!

{mechanical clicking and whirring}

{newsroom music} [WAIA]- good evening ladies and gentle men and all other considerations of being. My name is wilford warfstache and my guest tonight is {spooky robot sound} we have a great show for you tonight. first question: how many people have you killed? [WAIA]- good answer! Second question:

{robot sounds}

[WAIA]- a man goes to a party. This man met an old friend. There, two friends shared some wine. The two friends played a game. The most dangerous game. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. I didn’t know. Was it my fault?

YES

[WAIA]- ah, sorry for everything that I’ve done. I don’t remember who I was, I wish I did. But, I am sorry.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

NO

[WAIA]- you can’t change the past, you can tell all the stories you want to tell, it wont change what happened. You cant re-light the past. if you live in fantasy forever, you’ll lose yourself in the story.

[WAIA]- potato salad

{triumphant trumpets}

[WAIA]- great answer! That was a titiliting interview for sure but we are out of time. Thank you for joining me tonight. Say ing good bye

[wilford]- oh the emotions! The passion! The fuuury. He’s just like me! My sweet baby boy! Well he should be anyway, hes a perfect scan of my noggin, so he better be a chip off the ol block. Hey you! Oh-ho What a supporting role!! Fantastic, I guess. So much that you’re alive, but I am grateful whether you’ve been torn to shreds or are merely drowning in your own tears! Magnificent! And now that testing is done we can finally bring this monstrosity to the main stage! Im sure you’ll be seeing a lot more of the WAIA soon. Very very soon. Now get out~ and I’m billing you for any blood you got on my robot! Have a nice day! Ta-ta.

{mechanical clicking}

[dr-habit-b]

In pursue of happiness

Stressed and tired.

Yeah, that was a good descriptor of Kamal on any given day. These last few specifically applied especially well, however. He’s not sure why exactly. He never is, but.. he can take a guess.

He rolled from his side to his back, staring up at the ceiling of his room as he hugged a mess of blankets against himself. He’d been awake for hours, but after doing his morning routine.. he just got right back in bed. He couldn’t bring himself to step out the door and face the work day.

Face his boss.

He groaned and smothered his face with his blankets, like it would help him stop thinking about it. But face it, Kamal, its all you’ve been thinking about. When he uncovers his face again he glances towards his window, sunlight slipping in from under his curtains. It had to be well past noon by now.

There was nothing he could do, he had decided hours ago. After extensive thinking, that was his only conclusion. And it frustrated the hell out of him. But honestly, realistically, it was true wasn’t it? He wasn’t stupid, he knew Habit had some... stuff going on, to say the least. Stuff he’d probably never be privy to, cause that’s not his business. So what changed? Why, all of a sudden, did this bother him so much?

...Maybe it was that someone else saw it too. That Habit wasn’t okay. Which confirmed to Kamal that his worries weren’t all just in his head, like they normally are. This was.. real. Very real.

Too real.

The idea that Habit was depressed wasn’t anything new to him. He understood, even though personally he found himself more Anxious than depressed, he’d been there before in his life. He could have helped, had it just been that.

But it... wasn’t, was it.

The idea that Habit went through some kind of trauma was very new to him. Not for any particular reason, it had just.. never crossed his mind. Personally, the biggest traumatic event he went through was falling down the stairs as a kid. That gave him a weird phobia of stairwells, but that was about it. Very cut and dry.

Habit, on the other hand... Kamal didn’t have a single, static idea. There was no way he could possibly guess whatever he must have gone through. Even with the little snippets he knew.. like how Habit was a dentist, and how he profusely refused to talk about it. How the mention of family makes him uncomfortable. A bad home life, maybe? But that could mean so many different things...

Even if he did find out, even if he did manage to get Habit to finally spill the truth... well, what then? What would he even do with information like that? Tell him ‘wow, that sucks, im so sorry.’? Was that it, was that really all Kamal could offer him? A few heartbroken words of apology, when he wasn’t even the one at fault?

No, that was shitty. That was so unbelievably shitty. If someone did that to him, he knows he wouldn't feel any better. So he shouldn't do that to Habit.

Augh, this is assuming Habit would even tell him about these things! He’s made it abundantly clear that there are just some things he Will Not talk about. Kamal respects that, because its not his business.

But, god. God it tears him up inside.

It would be one thing if he was just. Worried about his boss, about his friend. But it was just never one thing with him, was it! He tucked his face against his bundle of blankets in his arms, letting out a weary sigh as he felt his face flush.

This was ridiculous, and, and totally unprofessional, and just!...

Hrrmm... Not fair.

Coming to terms with these feelings had been a Process, one that Kamal still wasn't even through with. But no matter how many circles he ran himself in, no matter how he tried to rationalize or explain away the tight, warm feeling in his chest, he came back to the same answer.

He cared about Habit. More than a boss, more than a friend. Admitting it was hard, considering their professional relationship as boss and assistant. It felt... wrong, somehow. Who falls for their boss?

Suppose Kamal does. And truthfully, was it even.. that weird? After all, Habit and Kamal never really acted like boss and assistant. Those were terms they used, sure, but... first and foremost, it felt like they were friends above all else.

Maybe that’s why it was so easy.

Why it was so easy for them to get along in a way boss and assistant probably wouldn’t otherwise. Playful banter and comments were normal and expected. Habit was a very touchy-feely sort of guy so hugs, head pats, and general comforting touches became normal and expected. Kamal remembered when he thought it was weird, but he got used to it. He liked it, it made him feel... warm, and like he was home.

Lately, that warm, home-y feeling had become so much that it hurt. And oh, god, did that scare him something fierce. Because what.. what was he supposed to do? Even if he did risk trying to see if Habit felt the same way, he.. there was still so much he didn’t know. So much he knows he wouldn’t have the skills to deal with. Sure the possibility of rejection was scary enough as is, but. The thought of trying anyways, and screwing up, or.. hurting him? That was a thousand times more terrifying.

He cared about Habit. The big lug was just an awkward, well meaning teddy bear. He just wanted to make people happy, probably cause.. he wasn’t a very happy guy growing up. He had a big heart and even bigger imagination. He was so friendly and did his best to get along with everyone he came in contact with. It was charming when he gave folks Russian pet names, or how he slipped back into it when talking to himself. And, maybe most importantly, he was really respectful. Kamal’s not sure he’s ever been somewhere or met someone that respected people’s pronouns and comfort so much before.

He finds himself groaning into his blankets again, finding his face even hotter than it was before. That was all well and good, sure. He’ll admit it, he likes Habit! But...

That persistent, nagging anxiety is still there, at the forefront of his mind. The thought that he’ll hurt Habit if he tries to act on his feelings. The thought that he cant do anything to help him in a worthwhile way. Its quick to drain away all that warmth, and leave him feeling cold and tired.

Some assistant he was. Whatever. He was gonna sulk in bed all day. He’d apologize to Habit t-

Knock knock.

Kamal’s thoughts screeched to a halt and his heart jumped up into his throat as the silence of his room was broken. He was so startled and frazzled that he didn’t register the sound of his name, but when he heard the click of his door open he bolted upright just in time to see Habit poke his head in curiously.

Their eyes met and Kamal could see Habit visibly relax.

“Kamal! Oh, goode I was worryed.. You did not an-swer me when I knocked....” He gives the other a sheepish grin opening the door the rest of the way and stepping in. He taps his fingers together a little bit, and worry creeps into his expression again.

“Are... yew o-key? You hav’nt beene to the office.. ah, it is o.k if you’re are not feeling well!! Dide you get sick?” He’s quick to make sure Kamal knows he doesn't have to come up if he’s not feeling well. “Have u eat-en? Eye cam go get soup!”

Kamal’s chest gets all tight, and its almost enough to make him cry. Stop it, stop, stop. He shakes his head and turns away from Habit, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I-... Im.. ok, just... Not really in the mood t’get up, y’know?...” That was... honest enough, he thinks. After a moment of quiet he glances back over at Habit, only to flinch seeing him right next to his bed. Oh Jesus big guy, how were you so quiet?

Habit sighs, before giving Kamal a bright smile.

“Non-sence!! Yew will note feel bettr juste staying in bed! Come, come, I wiil help you.” Before Kamal can protest Habit scoops him up into his arms much like how he did that time Kamal was panicking. He looks pretty proud of himself, even as Kamal sputters in embarrassment.

He would have set Kamal down, had he asked or protested! He would! But he didn’t seem uncomfortable, at least, just embarrassed. That’s okay, the elevator ride up to the office is very short, and Habit is quick to set Kamal down once those doors open into the office. He’ll give him another smile and a pat on the head before stepping inside and going over to their little coffee station. Kamal has presumably been in bed all day, sleeping a lot.. he must be tired! Coffee will help. Coffee always helps.

For a second Kamal could only stand there, his face flush and his chest and throat so tight he felt it was a miracle he could even breathe. He finally stepped out just before the elevator doors started to close on their own, and he made his way to the office computer. The sunlight coming in from the window-wall stung enough as is, but the light of the big, clunky computer was... almost worse. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and decided to poke his head online a bit, see what was happening.

It was becoming very apparent that spending all day in his dark room, barely moving, and then suddenly being carried out into direct sunlight and made to move was gonna give him a killer headache. By the time Habit finished getting Kamal’s coffee already, he was holding his head in his hands and rubbing his temples.

Habit frowned to himself as he set the mug nearby, tapping his heels against the ground. Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten Kamal up... it was a little rude, but he knows how laying around all day feels. Good in the moment! Very not good afterwards. He thought..

Before he could even think about saying sorry, Kamal is already waving him off with one of his hands. He could feel his boss just, staring at him with worry. Didn’t even have to look.

“Im- Im fine, okay. Just... got a headache. Don’t. Worry about it.” He drags a hand down his face with a sigh, picking up his mug and taking a sip of his coffee.

...His tone was too harsh just then, but it was too late to take it back now. He avoids looking at Habit, and after a second of silence he hears a small ‘ok’ before listening to those heels move away from him. His heart sinks, and now he just feels worse. Great, good job Kamal.

The rest of their time spent in the office is... quiet and awkward. Kamal spends a bit of time online chatting a bit, finishing his coffee, but ultimately.

He doesn’t feel any better.

When his headache starts getting too much for him to deal with he finally gets up and leaves. He gives Habit a wave and a short ‘going to bed’, but that’s it. He still doesn’t make eye contact or anything. Just... feels too awkward right now. Try again tomorrow, maybe.. after some sleep he’ll stop being so stirred up inside.

----------

Sleep didn’t help.

Kamal could hardly get himself to fall asleep after he left, and even when he did finally doze off, he kept waking up on and off all throughout the night. Reminded him a lot of his stressed out, tiring college days. You know, like... half a year ago now.

God he’d been working for Habit for about half a year now. It felt like forever...

When the sun finally started to rise, Kamal was already up and about. There was no point in making himself feel even worse trying on and off to get himself to sleep like he had been. He was in bed almost all day yesterday... he had to make it up to Habit.

An extensive morning routine later, he got himself dressed in clean clothes and made his way out of his room. He stopped, briefly, to look at the door to Habit’s room. He contemplated, for a second, knocking and seeing if he was up and about too. Habit was an early riser too... but, no. They could just talk when they met in the office.

The ride up the elevator was quiet and awkward. Stepping into the office was even more quiet and awkward. It didn’t seem like Habit was up yet, which... surprised him, but. It was early, maybe even earlier for him. Maybe.. he was getting some good rest, for once. Hopefully that was the case!

...Who was he kidding. After yesterday, after being so?... Worrying. Even he worried himself. He shouldn’t be letting his mess of feelings affect how he treats Habit. Or, anyone for that matter..

Its a while of just working in silence. He logged into the computer, checked some emails, checked some bills afterwards... not much going on today. Might be a nice, quiet day to just... relax! Relax. That sounds like a good day.

Once he gets some of his daily checkups finished he goes and starts making coffee. He’ll get one for Habit ready too, full of creamer and sugar, he’d appreciate it. Once he finishes he takes his coffee back over to the computer, taking a seat with a sigh. He sips idly as he decides to check on the blog this morning... and almost spits out his drink onto the screen. Wait, wait, what? It looked like there was a new post on blog... he looks around the room for a second, taking in the silence before looking back on the screen. When did Habit?.. Well, he was a very.. sneaky kind of guy, but. Geez, not even a hello?... Or was he just that spaced out making coffee? He couldn’t be 100% sure. Both options were... plausible.

Kamal decides to pull his knees up against his chest, sipping from his coffee idly as he just stared at the computer screen and waited. He kept glancing around the room, as if to see if Habit was sneaking up on him or not. He hadn’t even heard the elevator... or did he? He couldn’t even remember anymore, he was so focused on listening to the brewing coffee.

He groans as he thumps his head against his knees, silently cursing himself for being so... Like This. Useless, stupid assistant... get a grip already. You can do this.

Getting up and walking around a little sounds like a good idea, so thats what Kamal does for the next few hours on his own. Walks around, does some stretches, nothing special. Every now and then he’ll step out onto that little balcony, peering down into the carnival area and looking to the terrace. Hoping he’d see Habit, and maybe get the chance to wave at him, but. No such luck. Maybe he was hanging out with Jimothan or those artists... someone inside, probably. Hopefully. 

Against his better judgement, he finds himself spacing out a little, just looking out into the sky. This place really was nice, up in the mountains... they always wondered what exactly this building was used for before Habit came along and bought it, but they never figured anything out. Maybe it was an abandoned passion project, or some sort of strange hotel. They’d never know. Guess it didn’t really matter-

Something suddenly brushes up against his back and his breath catches in his throat as he turns quickly, finding himself staring up at his boss. A smile twitches at the corners of his mouth and he hangs his head for a second as he lets out an over-exaggerated sigh, looking back up at Habit with a grin.

“M-man, big guy, can... can we like. Tie some bells to your sleeves, or something? Y.. you’re way too quiet.”

Habit looked worried for a second, afraid he made a mistake, but when his friend smiles up at him... he relaxes a bit, giving him a little smile back.

“Ah, but yew were note an-swering me.... Are... You feel-img bettr than yes-terday?”

Kamal visibly cringes and he sighs again, dragging his hands down his face for a second. So, he probably did space out earlier, too. God that must’ve been so weird, what was wrong with him?

Wait, no, don’t answer that. He shakes his head, dismissively waving his hands.

“I- no, no I mean yeah I’m. Better. Look, I uh...” He looks back up at Habit, making an effort this time to actually look at him as he speaks this time. His hands go behind him, holding onto the railing of the balcony.

“I’m... real sorry, ‘bout yesterday. I was... Had. Still have. A lot on my mind, and I was all stressed out, but I shouldn’t have... taken that out on you, even if it was only a little bit. So I’m... I’m real sorry, d-... Habit.” He tried his best to keep eye contact, but as he spoke his gaze drifted, till he stopped looking at his boss all together. He just couldn’t help feeling like he had to run away, to hide, to curl up into a tiny little ball and just disappear.

Habit just watched and listened carefully, intently, smiling gently at Kamal even as he started avoiding eye contact. When he finished he reached down and pat his head, only to run his hand down the side of his face and under his chin, coaxing him to look back up at him.

“It iz okay, Kamal. You should’nt worry so much for me. I... should note have gotten you up so sudden-ly. It should be me say-ing sorrey to you.” He smiles a little bigger, and is thankful when Kamal doesn’t protest. He doesn’t move his hand for a little while, till he starts getting embarrassed himself and decides its gone on too long.

He ushers them back inside more boisterously, hoping to clear the awkward air he feels he just created. He’s not dumb, he saw how red Kamal’s face got.

They head back over to the desk, Habit lets Kamal have the chair again while he leans against the desk. He’s tall enough to sit on it pretty easy, but he wont, that’s rude. He sips his cold coffee and they talk about mundane things for a bit.

Bills, emails, whats going on online, how check in went... normal stuff. Everything was normal!

“Do... yew want to. Talk a-bout?... Whate has been botherimg you?...” He gazes down into his last bit of coffee when he asks that question, tapping sharp fingers against the mug, making a peasant little sound. He can see Kamal stiffen up from the corner of his eye.

“It is o-key if you do’nt wante two. I under-stande.” He finishes the last of his coffee, but keeps the mug in his hands, continuing to make that pleasant little clinking noise with his tapping. He glances over to Kamal, who has his knees up against his chest. He really liked to sit like that... Habit never found it very comfortable, honestly.

He perks up curiously seeing Kamal take a big breath, his gaze softening as he realizes he’s trying to calm himself down. He starts to say something, but pauses when his assistant looks at him again.

His expression was... determined! But nervous, and anxious, and a little bit flushed. Habit just barely suppressed a snicker. Not that he would have laughed at Kamal, but... it was very cute. The determination drains from his face as he finally starts to speak, though.

“I just... don’t know if I. Should, y’know? I just, I mean.....” He waivers for a second before bumping his head against his knees with a frustrated groan. 

“I. Care about you, Habit. A lot.” Okay, that part was out. Just.. gotta keep going, keep the momentum.

“But its... it’s hard! Not- I mean- not the.. the caring party, I-I more mean the...” No, no, stop. Pause. Take a breath. Try again.

“It’s just that... you’re. You’re my boss... that’s like. A whole thing on it’s own, but at the same time...” His chest tightens, and his expression saddens. Even just thinking about it, about...

“I don’t... really know you. At all. I mean, I know you’re a good guy, obviously. You.. have a big heart, and even bigger imagination. You really... care about other people, and what they want, and what they need. You’ve got such a.. positive energy around you that I just. Wish I had, or, wish I could... be apart of, maybe.” His face flushes a little more, but the words are coming easier now.

Now came the harder thoughts.

“But you never... talk about yourself. And I know that its.. hard, I do. You... you gotta gimmie something to work with though. Like, I.. up until a little while ago, I didn’t even know Habit wasn’t your first name? All I know is, is the tiny bits and pieces that I’ve had to gather and put together myself! And that’s!....” He lifts his head and looks up at Habit again. This time, the taller man avoids eye contact.

“That’s not fair. I- we, promised. That we would talk to each other! I just- I don’t even wanna know everything I just...” He starts to lose steam a little bit, and his momentum is grinding to a halt. He just feels tired now.

“I don’t wanna be in the dark about everything about you... I don’t, don’t wanna have to sit here and.. and assume, and worry, and just not know. All I know, for sure, is that... you had a bad childhood, and you still get nightmares about it. That.. could mean a million different things, a million different ways to know how to... to handle it, I just. I cant just... try and guess.” His voice progressively starts to sound more.. on the verge of panic, maybe? He can feel it in the way he talks, but he’s just so. Tired. He wants to help, he wants to know.

Maybe that was selfish of him.

For a moment that dragged on for an eternity, the two of them simply existed in complete silence. Hugging his knees to his chest was all Kamal could do to keep himself from bolting out of this chair and running away. Or throwing up. Either or. He could feel the anxiety spread from his chest to the rest of his body.

Habit didn’t feel much better. He stared at his mug so intently, you’d think he was trying to shatter it with gaze alone. Just in the tone of his voice, he could tell how deeply Kamal cared. And how much this meant to him, right here, right now.

It was like daggers in his heart. He’d never felt this from someone else before. It was always him giving out this sort of feeling to people. It was like being so deprived of food and finally getting a good meal, after years and years of nothing but scraps, that you couldn’t even scarf down or enjoy without making yourself sick.

Suppose he should have expected this. Lately, his nightmares had been worse. He desperately had been trying to put the past out of his mind, but... recently, it was like everything brought it back to the forefront of his brain. Like an annoying pop-up ad that wouldn’t let you hit the X to close it. It was bleeding out into how he acted, how he reacted, his mannerisms, the little things that made him jump.

Kamal was so smart, of course he noticed. How could he not? It was a miracle none of the other Habititans were as nosey.

After what felt like an eternity, Habit let out a long breath he had been holding. He turned to look at Kamal, his eyes tired and sad. Their gazes met, and this time, neither of them looked away.

“You... really wante to know? You want to knowe thise... part of me, ev-en if it changes how you feel?”

Kamal blinked, Habit’s last comment giving him pause. Changed how he?.. What was he about to tell him, exactly? It could just be an exaggeration, to make him back off, but...

After thinking about it for a second Kamal moved his legs so that his feet were on the ground again, looking up at his boss with a serious expression on his face.

Habit stared at him for a long while before giving him a weary smile, sighing heavily. He mumbled a quiet ‘ok’ before deciding to take a seat on the floor, cross legged with that mug still in his hands. He kept it to occasionally tap on as he thought over his words, where to start, how to say certain things...

He was quiet for a long time as he deliberated, but Kamal was patient, and waited quietly. He even slid down from the office chair to sit on the floor with his boss, which got him to chuckle just a little bit. It seemed to relax both of them, being on equal ground.

After a while, Habit finally spoke.

“Mine family was.... not. The best.” He started, and immediately his expression contorted into an expression Kamal had never seen on Habit before.

Hatred.

Habit tried so, so hard. For almost all of his life, to not let hatred become a normal feeling in his heart. 

There had to be times when it slipped in, however. It couldn’t be helped.

“Mom was... verrey over-bearing. She al-ways wanted me to be juste like her. Her... малышка.” He grimaces at that word, not that Kamal understood. “Even whene I told her, thate I was.. umcomfortable, or did’nt want to do something... she did not listen. Ever. How do you say, ah, thate phrase... ‘Mother knowes best’? Yes, that was her. And if I did note list-en...” He shut his eyes for a second, letting out a sigh through his nose before he opened them again. “She... waz not the worste, at least. But, she woulmd pull on mine hair, un-til I cried and cried for her to stop. I am verriy sensative to it even now.. A smal tug will hurt like yew are ripping hair out.” He looks over at Kamal a bit and offers him a reassuring smile. No, he’s not upset you pulled his hair that one time. You didn’t know.

He looks back to his coffee mug, idly rotating it in his hands. When he thinks about what he’s going to say next, he cant help but let out a very short, bitter bark of a laugh.

“My... dad, on thee oth-er hande. Much, muche worse. Two bothe of us, me ande mom.” He stops for a second, taking a deep breath. Trying to settle his anger for a moment, before it bubbled over. “He... only re-spected himselfe. No-one else. God could have come downe in front of him, ande he would note care. He was.... was...” He scratches at the mug in his hands, biting his bottom lip a little bit. Even now, even now.... He shakes his head, resigning that thought for the time being.

“Mom and dad were bothe doc-tors. They were fighting all the time.... Yelling. Screaming. Ne-ver smiling. It... made me so sad.” Even thinking about it now, after everything. It still made him sad. “Once, when I waz... ten. On-ly ten. I had raized a verre special flower.... I wamted to show them. To make them Happy.... I loved flowers verri much, back then... but...”

He sucked in a sharp breath, raising a hand to cover his mouth for a second. He flinched slightly feeling a touch on his arm, only to look and see Kamal staring up at him worriedly. He managed to smile from behind his hand, letting out a shaky breath. He laid a hand over top Kamal’s and left it there, while his gaze drifted upwards.

“Mine dad... he... saw me giving kissies to my flower. I wamted to make him happy, my lily.... but... it did note make dad happy. I stille do not know why, but he got so. Mad. Fury-ous.  He... hurt my lily. Thene, he hurt me.” He finds himself lightly tracing over the scars where it happened. He remembered it vividly, and it made him shudder uncomfortably. He wouldn’t go into detail.

“Hhe.. broke mine smile. I was... bro’kn. And my lily was hurt. Oh, I could heer him cryimg.... it was aw-ful. At first, I felt more sad for my lily... but..." He lets out a short, bitter laugh. "Like I saide, I waz... bullied, harsh-le, by mine peers, for my bro'kn smile."

He glances down at Kamal, who hadnt looked away from him this whole time. He could see the worry and pain on his face clear as day... it hurt his heart. He didnt want people to worry about him.

But... Kamal wanted to know. He looks back down at the mug in his hand, his other squeezing Kamal's underneath it.

"They wamted me two be a doc-tor too... they forced me. Eye had no say. I waz made to have per-fect grades, I had tutors, and ex-tra lessons frome a verre early age... hahh, it worked! I waz al-wayes the top of my class.... By the time I waz al-most graduated, I made a de-cision... if I had to be a doctor, eye would be one who helped thoze with bro'kn smiles. Like mine. I be-came a dentist. I... left my home, ande came here. It waz what mine parents wanted, but... I waz happy to leave. To be a-way from them." He sucks in a sharp breath, letting out a long breath. "I hav'nt seen theme since. It haz been... years and years."

He looks wsary as he thinks about the next portion of his life. It... was easier, but.

"Coll-ege, was.... fine. People were so.. un-happy, thou. Just like mom n' dad. No smiles. So muche.. complaining, amd fighting, and sadness. I could'nt bee happy either. I juts wamted to finish and go worke. I... I waz able to finally be me, thou. Thate... thate was nice." He perks up a bit feeling Kamal squeeze at him, and when their eyes meet, he can read his confusion easily. He smiles sheepishly, before turning his head away.

"I waz... raised as a. A girl, yew know. Long long time ago now... But whene I got here, a-way from... everyone eye ever knew, I de-cided to change. It.. it was verrey hard, amd. I still got... got bullied, a lot, but. I chamged my name! And cut my haire... and no, I did'nt like it, haha." He smiles almost.. fondly at the memories, before he starts frowning again. "I stille get... nervouse, going by mine new name. As if... my parents will. Will show up, amd yelle at me, and tell me I ca'nt. Thate it iz not normal, that I ame just..."

He shuts his eyes and grimaces, trying to push the bad thoughts out of his head. No, its okay, you're. Okay. When he opens his eyes again he looks down at Kamal, giving him a small smile.

"The name I chose for mine self, waz.. is, Boris. I do note know, but.. some-thimg about it felt.. right. May-b it was cause it sounded manley, haha! I.. liked it, thou." He casts his eyes downwards, humming a bit. "I coulde never change my laste name... I wamted to, to... tru-ly escapt my parents, but... ah, weel. Mine uncle was a verre good man. Kimd, but stern, and always nice to me... I su-pose I kept it to staye close to him, in a way. Thou, eye doubt I will... ever see him againe."

He takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling through his nose. He doesnt look at Kamal when he speaks up again.

"I knowe it does'nt seem like it, but... there iz a deep, deep hatred for mine parents in my heart. I woulde not be sad for they're deaths. They were..." His voice catches a little bit, but he pushes through it. "...evil. Thate is what I thimk. I coulde tell you so, so much that they did, but... it would be two much. Fore you, and me. I think... yew get the pic-ture though, hah..."

He feels two hands squeezing his arm now and he looks back to Kamal wearily, blinking at his determined expression.

"Do you really think that- that me knowing... any of that, would. Would seriously change how I see you?" His voice cracks a tiny bit, full of emotion threatening to spill over. Habit's- no, Boris' surprised expression doesnt change this. "I still care about you, I care about you so much. I want... to be here for you, to, t-to help you, and, and I..."

Kamal shakes his head and rubs his eyes for a second, fighting off tears threatening to spill over. Be strong, be strong. When he looks back up at Boris, his eyes are still teary, but his expression is still full of resolve.

"I w.. wanna see you happy, Boris. I wanna see you smile for real. Please..."

Ohh... now its time for him to get all teary eyed. Emotions well up in his chest and throat, dangerously close to turning him into a blubbering mess. He hadn't known what to expect, he had never... told anyone these things, before, but he had been expecting the worst. For Kamal to.. get scared, or.. upset, or even grossed out maybe, but no.

Kamal was always so kind and sincere to him. They hadn't even known each other for very long. It was so... he didnt even know how to explain.

"Yy.. y-you're are sh.. shore, Kamal?" His voice breaks, and his tears finally spill over. He has to confirm, he needs to be certain.

When Kamal nods, thats all he needs. He grabs Kamal and pulls him into a big hug, trying to hold back his sobs and failing. He wasn't so sure why exactly he was crying so hard. Talking about everything was draining, yes, but. It didnt make him cry. Maybe he was just... happy? Did people cry from happiness? He's not sure he ever has.

He's so used to crying when it feels like his heart is being torn apart. Right now, it feels more like... his heart is full to bursting, and it almost seems to make it worse? He doesnt know how to handle it, so he just.

Clings to Kamal, crying against him while the other rubs his back and pets his hair, faintly hearing him say that it was okay.

Things were okay.

----------

The rest of the day slowed to a crawl. The two of them left the office to Boris' room. No words were exchanged, they didnt need to be, right now. The two of them.. simply existed with each other, in quiet content, until the day grew long and sleep took in the both of them.

Morning was no different than normal, except they woke with each other. They exchanged embarrassed, sleepy smiles, giggling like kids who just got away with something.

They separated to do their respective morning routines, reuniting in the elevator. They still said nothing to each other, but continued to exchange little smiles, only to giggle like they were playing some sort of game.

Things slowly returned to normal as they returned to work, but it was more... relaxed. Normally Habit was the touchy-feely one, but Kamal found himself playing with his boss' hair, leaning against him, touching his arm... occasionally their hands would touch, but. They'd start laughing, and never actually held hands.

Boris was sure he'd never felt this good in his whole life. He really was... happy, for once.

[the-little-prophet]

BDRP Questionnaire 2019

Posting this on Charlie since I actually talked about him quite a bit! Let’s gooooo

Characters: Berlioz, Hades, Kiara, Nala, Andrina, Merida, Charlie, Apollo, John, Su, Ashleigh, Nemo, Jun

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

This one goes out to Charlie. I pitched Charlie very deceptively-- claiming he was a prophet, aligning him, at first, with Calliope, making it look like Charlie’s magic was of the classical, Cassandra-inspired kind. But all along, I knew that what I wanted Charlie to be was more of this sci-fi/fantasy blend as an homage to his movie’s sci-fi bend too. This year, I got to actually reveal that Charlie is a time traveler after two years!! This is very exciting for me! I’ve enjoyed being able to lean into Charlie’s new image systems with this reveal, even though I’m out of my depth and breaking like 67 different time travel rules, probably lol. Still, it’s been great to take him to that place, and to invent Future-Charlie as both a deux ex machina and an expression of identity/choice/free will etc etc. I did not have Future-Charlie in mind when I created Charlie, so that was something I was proud of coming up with!

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

I’m going to talk about Nemo if only because everyone else feels like a spoiler lol. Nemo, as a relatively new character though, is still full-speed-ahead on his initial goals that I outlined for him in his application. Now that Nemo’s been established in the school and he has this little group of buddies, I want:

To focus on his wing. I want Nemo to push himself, get himself in a spot of trouble, potentially injure himself.

Reveal his wings to at least one mundus friend

Continuing to infuse his posts with body image issues. This is a slow build kind of plot that really is like...the broth of Nemo’s plot-soup, lol, while training for his placement is the chicken and belonging at school is the noodles….it needs to be this throughline more than like, para a, para b, para c. at least for now.

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it.

I could pick a lot of threads here lol it’s honestly so HARD. But I think I want to shout-out to the Charlie/Jim first kiss thread because it surprised even me and Hannah. We initially planned for the first kiss to be just that-- one kiss, then we done, Jim and Charlie go on to be friends. But like in the best of cases, Jim and Charlie’s palpable chemistry actually informed more of Charlie’s arc and opened up avenues previously closed to me/Charlie since Charlie had been so SHUT to the idea of love. So! I really loved that thread. Also because like, I literally made Charlie experience the big bang after his first kiss. And THAT’S the BEST way to use magic in my opinion. Like when you can infuse magic with an emotional catharsis-- I think the other time I did that super well was similar actually, when Herc kissed Kiki’s cheek and she grew a tree in his room lol. So yeah! Some of my best writing in that thread, amazing chemistry, big surprises. It was an absolute pleasure.

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

-Image systems. I dragged myself for this, but I think it’s something that really helps me find a character’s voice and make myself excited to RP them! Also, I think it’s what people like about my writing sometimes. Maybe. IDK, lol. -Complex Emotion: I’m stealing this from my mentor who said I’m good at creating complex emotion and so you know its true. My most introverted characters get the bulk of this naturally--they are introspective and feely and give themselves the space to think and feel. But I really want to try to inject more into my extroverted characters. I think I’m doing well for Nemo, who had undiagnosed anxiety and so that informs a lot of his personality in very interesting-- very OPPOSITE-- ways as Berlioz; Nemo struggles with being alone because ‘alone’ means he gets too in his head. That’s been really fun for me and why he’s quickly become one of my fave voices to write (I know, u all thought it was because I am in love with Jimin (true), but no its bc Nemo is an anxious, big feeling baby and he’s always so Alive to me, plus i was made to write a fairy it was always my destiny.)

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

-Dialogue: PERSONALLY I feel like I’m not great at dialogue. Some posts are better than others and I think I’m good at like…..texting dialogue? IDK. I feel like I struggle in paras though to craft good dialogue. It’s just, rn, average dialogue. Of course not every post needs to have hilarious, punchy, great dialogue. But do my characters sound different? Am I doing all I can to create rhythm and speech patterns? -Filtering: Im being very picky rn, because actually I don’t do this too much, but I do it enough where I’m like, I gotta go read some really stellar writers adn ban myself from using “Feel” and “think” for like a whole month. What I’m talkinga bout is like: Ber realized/ Ber thought / Ber knew. That kind of writing is totally fine, but that’s about it. I need to come up with more creative ways to talk about feelings and abstract concepts!!!

-Character: I know everyone is probably like………….how dare lauryl put this here. But listen. I don’t think I struggle with character on RP. But outside of RP? Oh boy! The THING about RP is you MUST create a character, that’s your vessel for writing here, and so you do all that development plus u got the four years of worldbuilding informing that character, and literally EVERYTHING CHARACTER DRIVEN ITS...THERE IS NO OTHER WAY.  Outside of RP though I think I have struggled because my natural affinity is worldbuilding and shit like that. I’m type 5 baby, I am attracted to characters who let me poke at things I don’t know anything about, like even Jun, part of it really is like, petitions and grocery store management lmfadsofij. SOOOo idk I just need to be able to focus on crafting characters that are compelling vessels for the cool shit I like to do outside of RP.

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. JOHN DARLING BREAKS INTO FAERYLAND 1. Call Down the Hawk/Raven Cycle: It’s no coincidence that my reread of Raven Cycle last winter played a pretty big part in inspiring this new version of John. The descriptions of the magical forest Cabeswater and the hunt for Glendower have the same kind of contemporary fantasy vibe that I really like for John. And of course, Ronan’s dream magic is very much intertwined with the faery realm feeling like a dream (and Ashleigh, obviously, as a dark faery who can manipulate them). More than that though, the attention paid to the psyches of each character and how they drive the plot forward is just… /chefs kiss. 2. The Mabinogian: I want to draw from these classic Welsh/British stories and incorporate them in creative ways! Or just as, like, motifs are something. :) I have tried to do this but would like to be a lot more intentional, instead of just being like lmao let me look up some random shit for this one reply~ 3. The Hazel Wood: This book deals with characters coming into the real world from a book world! This kind of goes along with the Mabinogian as I kind of ish want to do something similar, only treating the Mabinogian as a historical, cultural text as opposed to a fiction. This book also focuses a lot on fairy tale tropes (like numbers) which I really want to incorporate in John’s stuff. I want to ideally write some of my own fairy tales-- I have one in mind actually through Ashleigh but it’s related to John too since he’d the scholar of said stories.  

And now, a wishlist!

-Exploring Nemo’s disability. This is slightly challenging for me since we don’t have many fairies, but I’m brainstorming some ideas and hope to really kick it off in January, leading up to his Talent Placement Test.   -I really want to have a lot of town-centric plots for Jun. Would love to rp with the police officers! I want to have Jun try to get some ppl arrested tbh ahah, like, Fflew for loitering, or maybe reporting Mitte. I would love some arch nemeses tbh-- Mitte does seem like a good one. AND I want to submit at least three petitions next semester!! Maybe i should make that two!! Still!! -Do some Bonfamille plots. I already have something I’m really excited about and have already planned here so this is a teaser… -Keep writing essays. The fairies have been great, getting me really inspired to do these.What’s been an amazing mental exercise, and why I cannot stop writing these, is thinking about how the political philosophy of Pixie Hollow informs how it functions: technically, socioculturally etc. It’s really fun for me to basically build a communist thought project and then enact it for real. I feel like I’m learning a lot about...well, societies, lol, and how the material factors endlessly bleed into, and shape, ideas and beliefs (and vice versa). Also, I literally have to do these because when Nemo is IN the Hollow and I want to write him getting a glass of water, I’m faced with a lot of technical questions: do fairies have running water? Does he have to get it from a stream? How do they keep things cool? Etc etc. And that’s why I go off on these, and I’m excited to keep doing them, as many as I can, with feedback from my fellow fairies. Also, do want to do ones that are NOT fairy related, so we’ll see about that. -Write John backstory. He’s gone on a few other adventures and I’d like to actually one-shot those maybe lol. -Alternate Charlie Timeline: This is something that’s bopping around in my head and I haven’t found the perfect way to make it happen, but I want Charlie to travel to an alternate version of his life and get stuck. When I figure out the right way to do this, my partners will also get to rp alternate versions of their characters lol. That’s fun right!! Of course it is, we do it all the time with AUs, but this one obvi be more personal and more closely tied to canon.

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP? First and foremost, I RP because it’s writing for the sake of writing-- joy for joy. I think this is even more important this year as I’ve had to focus on mentorship writing outside of RP. RP became the place where I didn’t have to think so hard about making everything make sense, lol. It gave my brain a break so I could be less judgmental of myself and just have fun and do the most ridiculous stuff...and some of my fave stuff iS ridiculous because of that...like Nemo and Sindri making flower crowns or the ASC nonsense. It’s this kind of light, fluffy, low-stake (but still High Stake) stuff that provided me endless joy when I needed it the most. Second of all, I RP because I really want to invest in people’s creative energy. I think doing so gives back to myself. Building canon, helping people brainstorm, seeing people grow-- I feel like a proud mom when I get to have this kind of mentorship role myself. I talked to MK about this, but even though Sam left to go off and do greater things, that’s like-- to me, it was a lot like he was graduating from this weird BDRP school I’ve helped create. I felt nothing but pride and happiness for him and really felt like, if BDRP was to explode tomorrow, I ACHIEVED the thing I set out to do when, four years ago, I sat on my computer and drafted BDRP’s mission and vision and committed myself to this admin role. And THAT’S what I want ideally-- for BDRP to be this collaborative place that doesn’t focus too much on what makes sense, on sitewide plots that force people into roles. I have always wanted plots like ASC and John’s search for Excalibur to be able to exist side by side, and I think we’ve done that. Now we just have to tend this garden, don’t we, haha? May BDRP bear many delicious fruit.

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is yoongi your fave in bts? I just today stumbled over a video of bts and watched and now 100 videos later i really think i kinda like them and especially Yoongi. He is such a sweetheart. so as a fellow 1d stan now into bts i wanted to know if louis was your fave and if yoongi is in bts? Cause i find it quite interesting to know^^'

ok so i have some esoteric ramblings that go far beyond the yes or no question you asked me here lmao... i guess im just feeling very “in this essay i will-” rn because of how much i truly adore both of them. also this basically turned into a personal diary entry but also simultaneously a cultural studies essay on how we make meaning in celebrities so like..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

@gettingaphdinmomo can u believe this anon let me merge 1d and bts? im indebted to them tbh

so yeah yoongi is my bias in bts and louis was always my fave in 1d! (well zayn too but z isn’t a member of 1d - tho i think he relates to some of the points im going to make here as well) and coincidentally i’ve actually been doing like... some self-psychoanalysis recently just reflecting on what my affection for louis and yoongi says about me, says about them, etc... just been thinkin’ ya know?

and i just feel like yoongi and louis are 2 sides of the same coin and it’s a coin that i distinctly Relate to and i’ll explain why. both yoongi and louis have very distinct caricature-type reputations on the surface. both vis-a-vis their role in their respective groups and in relation to the personalities that we see/they show us. 

and what i mean by that is that louis is known as loud, brash, exuberant (formerly camp and flamboyant as well, though im not even gonna try to get Into A Discussion of That rn); to most people that do not take the time to go far beyond the surface, that’s kind of louis’ whole deal, right? (again this isn’t a discussion of public opinion of louis and doesn’t account for how his various stories/stunts/‘relationships’ would impact people’s view of him)... yoongi is sort of in the same boat but on the opposite end of the spectrum if that makes sense? he’s the tsundere member. he’s seen as cold, distant, has dry humor, doesn’t like to show affection, etc. that’s what the caricature of min yoongi is.

but everyone who is a fan of either of them knows that neither of those caricatures are wholly accurate and that the caricatures belie an emotional depth and intelligence that both of them very clearly possess.

we can never know even a fraction of public figures’ personalities, but to the small extent that we do get glimpses, yoongi and louis are both individuals who clearly care very deeply about others. they are attentive to the emotions of those around them and they are supportive and nurturing in their own ways. but at the same time neither of them are overtly touchy-feely about it if that makes sense? their empathy is exhibited subtly but it runs deep. their demonstrations of caring and compassion are nuanced behind layers of something else. 

for louis, i think there’s always a bit of humor layered on top of his emotional displays (i.e. giving liam a hard time about being a ‘lad’). and i see myself in that. i use humor as a defense mechanism and couch everything serious in my life in a joke, for better or worse. again, im not saying that that’s what louis is or does in real life, i’ll never know nor would i presume to, but i am saying that i see something of myself reflected in Louis Tomlinson™ and among a million other reasons to love him i think that is one of the reasons i’ve always been drawn to him. he’s so compassionate and caring but you have to make sure you’re not distracted by his bright loudness to miss it. in addition to seeing myself reflected in louis, i also admire so much about him that i am not but aspire to be more like. i wish i could be more extroverted like him and i wish i could be a bright presence for the people around me like i know he is. so with louis i see myself and i see traits that inspire me to go outside my comfort zone and push my own boundaries.

for yoongi, the soft sweet infp that he is, i think his emotional displays are equally as subtle and layered behind a bit of stoicism and a bit of introversion and a bit of being very carefully selective about who he lets in. his displays of affection and caring are alway there but are not done to be viewed and given great attention (i.e. his hand holding). i don’t think yoongi much likes being the center of attention and would much rather have his members be that (lol @ jimin) but at the same time he has moments where his energy just bursts forth. these are moments where he’s clearly so comfortable with his surroundings and the people he’s with that he feels no need to be measured or restrained. again, this is all my interpretation of what i see and is thus filtered and distilled so many times that i’d never presume to state all of this as some factual evaluation of yoongi’s personality, but also again, i see myself in these observations and interpretations of yoongi. i find it very difficult to express my emotions (see the above point about couching everything in humor) but they are there and they are felt deeply and they show themselves in subtler ways. i find it difficult to display affection with even my closest friends and family but am also just a touch-starved bitch looking to hold someone’s hand like yoongi is always doing. i too sometimes begin to feel comfortable enough with those around me that my passion and excitement just bursts forth all at once, but only sometimes, otherwise im hyper conscious of myself and tend to self-police if i have not reached such a comfort level. i see a lot of that in Min Yoongi™. but like with louis i also see a lot in yoongi that i strive to be more like. i struggle with the weight of my own expectations for myself and i internalize A Lot, as yoongi seems to, but yoongi also demonstrates such a clarity of self when it comes to these things. i think he Knows himself quite well, which is something i’d like to be better at. i think his self awareness (something i think namjoon also has in spades) and his work ethic are admirable and inspire me greatly. he just seems so Lucid Perceptive and Insightful about his situation, and that encourages me to be more honest with myself about my own situation.

and like maybe this is all just a diatribe that could be applied by anyone to their fave celeb? there’s levels to abstraction to every celebrity and there’s always interpolation/projection our own traits, neuroses, insecurities, desires, etc. onto how we view our favorite celebs... but idk there seems to be something slightly different with celebs like yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon actually now that i think about it). 

like let’s contrast it with other 1d and bts members: jin and hobi have carefully constructed the way they want to be seen and they don’t let people see much beyond that (and they’re So Valid for that). i actually think niall is quite a lot like this as well. the caricature is the whole picture that we get if that makes sense (though of course not even a fraction of the whole person which we are not nor should we be privy to) but its still a human picture, its still rooted in a sense and a feeling of authenticity; it just has its boundaries and is clear about those boundaries. thus the consumer public gets a discrete, self-contained persona whose likeability isn’t necessarily dependent on the consumer’s ability to relate or see themselves in the persona but rather is simply likeable!

then you have liam and jungkook who i see as quite similar in some ways for some reason (which im sure is gonna get me yelled at lmao). i dont mean that i think they’re similar people just that i think both of them are quite earnest and what you see is what you get with them. i don’t think either of them have it in them to pull a jin/hobi/harry (see below) and construct/be viligent about the boundaries of their persona. i think tae and jimin are mostly like this as well. they’re all just kind of unapologetically themselves (liam particularly after 1d ended, tho i know that, ironically, many feel he’s a bit of a poser nowadays)? i see these types of figures as similar to the type above just with less stable boundaries/less concern for those boundaries.

then you have harry whose caricature is constructed to be larger than life, to be almost non-human in its Celeb-ification. Harry Styles™ is not meant to allow for reflection of yourself in it. the consumer is not supposed to find parts of themselves relating to Harry Styles™, that defeats the purposes of the larger than lifeness of Harry Styles™. (i know this sounds bad and don’t get me wrong i do hate harry lol but i also don’t think this is an inherently Bad way to be a celebrity. it’s the david bowie, lady gaga [pre-joanne] school of celebrity and its fine, i just think it should be recognized for what it is and i think its very different from how bts and the other members of 1d operate [though i recognize that some people would view zayn in this light]).

personally i think yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, to account for everyone in this analysis here) don’t fit into the above categories. clearly i dont think any of these four are in the Harry Styles™-type camp (duh). but i also don’t think they fit into the authentic-but-carefully-boundaried jin/hobi/niall camp nor the what-you-see-is-what-you-get liam/maknae line camp. i think these 4 occupy a limbo space between the two ‘categories.’

anyways, the long and the short of it is that we all make our own meaning in celebrities. for me, i find myself drawn to yoongi and louis because i see traits of my own reflected back at the same time and in the same person that i see aspirational traits. im inspired and im comforted by this duality that yoongi and louis provide for me. i love all the members of 1d and bts (except harry lolz) but yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, who i’d say is my 2nd bias in bts if that wasn’t already clear) hold special places in my heart because of how they occupy my sort of nebulous fourth category of celebhood.

anyways, i’m pretty sure no one is still reading this, which i do Not blame you for, but that’s my two cents! i love min yoongi and louis tomlinson, whats new!!!!!!!!!

[skywitchmaja]

7, 10, 11, 19

7. Have you ever despised something you have read?

oh absolutely! this section is too long bc i felt the need to write about every book i ever hated and why, with a disclaimer of things i didnt hate about the book. but if i spend any more time thinking about this, i wont. so. im gonna answer the others and put this under a read more (but maybe i should just delete that bit). short answer is i didnt like hemingway or brave new world...

10. Bookmarks, dog ears or leaving the novel open and face down to keep your spot?

bookmarks but like, receipts and folded over sticky notes! or sometimes i just leave the book as is and i have to spend a minute hunting for my page before i start reading

11. i focus best when im somewhere where i cant just, pull out my phone or my laptop, like if i have some downtime at work, but i also try to read for at least an hour before bed.

9.E-reader or traditional book?

traditional book! i appreciate the ability to download books from the library (especially audio books!) but i would probably never like. pay for a digital copy of a book? what can i say im a material girl <3 i look at too many screens as it is and i didnt pay the extra $20 or whatever for blue light glasses lol. i get books from the middle school library where i work or from my favorite used book store <3 (which not to be a book store liberal but... i buy a lot of second hand books) but yeah!! i really love to underline quotes i love and write little notes in the margins and to see my bookshelf in my periphery and to have an object i can hold that has a bunch of words i like in it!

okay time to talk about books i hate <3

 spoiler alert for question 6, but i generally don’t keep reading if i don’t like something, so i have more of a passive distaste for those sorts of things, but there were things i had to power through for school that i really hated. hemingway’s little misogynistic stories come to mind (although i did like the one about the bodega) sometimes i couldn’t tell weather the misogyny or the minimalism was worse. and there were times when the violence & misogyny & the violent misogyny of 1984 that i really didnt want to read it like id rather read the handmaids tale. and ugh! okay i cant remember if you said you liked it, but i’ve gotta say i really hated brave new world. the racism and misogyny muddied the water so much i cant even remember what huxley’s specific paranoia was, (was it like, overstimulation right? with the movies/”feelies”? wait okay im on the wikipedia and neil postman did say something when he said “Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information. Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism”). oh and okay there was one book i read when i was like fourteen about these two jewish boys playing baseball, except baseball was really insignificant, it was mostly about the one boy who was the son of the Hasidic Rabbi but he really wanted to read freud so that was an issue, but mainly i was just mad bc i had to read a play by play of their little league game and it was really boring like i cant be a jock sry </3 but it did get better when they finally stopped playing baseball. and to be thorough, there was one about a boy with a magic belt buckle( that sounds ridiculous but im 98% sure thats true?) that i hated at the time. but the time was seventh grade so take that as you will

[doyouevenshipbr0]

Forever

author's note :hello everyone! ik its been a loooonnnng time since ive written anything but… as u all know… fairy tail is over. my overall rating of the ending is a 6/10. i expected more but at the same time, a lot of it makes sense. in terms of gruvia, i do believe they are a canon couple. BUT, we saw no answer?! the answer that has been hyped up for almost 100 chapters im p sure?! and an “apology” that gray was gonna give juvia?! we never got that either which is suuuuper annoying lmao. but i do believe an answer happened. my hope is that one of these days later on in life mashima releases an omake dedicated to gray’s answer, but, until then, ill have this lmao. i tried to make this as realistic and as little ooc as possible. bc as seen in the last chap, while he is much more open towards juvia, gray is still a grump little tsun. and juvia is still a cutsie doting wifey. SO without further ado, here’s my take on gray’s answer.

-

For the first time in a very long time, Fairy Tail was at ease. Anyone or anything that was a threat to the world had been defeated. Things were possibly even considered “peaceful” for once. Just the thought of “peace” seemed like a foreign idea, a distant memory that was long gone from everyone’s mind for a long time, but finally, the war was over, and everything was back to normal.

Well, maybe not quite.

While calmness finally seemed to reign over the world, the city of Magnolia, like most of the rest if the country, was in shambles.

Some cities were practically turned to dust, others had some fractions of buildings left, some were completely obliterated and almost unrecognizable to the former townspeople who once called that place their home.

Most of Magnolia, including Fairy Tail itself, still stood proudly.

After all this town/guild’s been through, it was apparent that it was a fighter. Even after a whole war, it still remained in one piece. (Barely).

The first thing everyone did was get to work on repairing the town and the guild. While the guild itself didn’t look too bad, there was still much work that needed to be done.

Just a few days later things were looking much better than before, with the help of everyone from the guild.

Gray however, did not have the guild as his number one priority. Sure, he was putting his heart and soul into fixing the place he loved, the place he and his friends called their home.

But there was just something on his mind that kept bugging him. As if he had unfinished business to attend to.

And every time his eyes landed on Juvia, he was reminded just what that little something in his head was. He promised her an answer, right before the war began. Now that the war was over, he just didn’t know exactly what to do. Hell, he was so stuck he hadn’t even talked to her for the past couple days. As much as he hated to admit it, he was avoiding her.

While Gray was a stubborn man, he wasn’t a stupid one. Especially after this war he knew where is head was at and what Juvia meant to him, but he didn’t know how to put his jumbled thoughts into words.

As he caught himself staring at Juvia as she painted the walls for, well, he didn’t even know how long, he decided to take a break hammering the floor for a second.

“I’m gonna go get some air” He said to Laxus who was hammering with him.

“Sure, Fullbuster. But don’t take all day. We got a lot more work to do.” He harshly reminded Gray as he turned around and began to walk out.

“Yeah, yeah.” He waved his hand and continued for the door, well, where the new door would be going.

As Gray away from the guild, he saw a certain place stick out to him. It was the balcony he and Juvia had their last real conversation. Where he promised her an answer.

But honestly, Gray didn’t know what the answer was. He didn’t even know where to start! How could he put his feelings, his emotions into an “answer”? What would he say? Where would he do it? When? How would he even start the damn conversation?!

“Gray-sama?”

All of his questions came to a screeching halt, and any minuscule scraps of a “plan” he had came crashing down.

He jolted up from the edge he’d been leaning on and quickly turned his body around to face Juvia. Just the very sight of her drained everything from his mind. He just looked at her so–so differently now. He saw her in a completely different light yet it seemed so right? And maybe even familiar? As if a part of him had seen her like this all along. It was all so strange but so familiar. He didn’t know what to make of it, or even what to say.

“J-Juvia!? What’re you doing here?”

“Juvia did not mean to frighten you! But–” She stopped and looked to the ground while fiddling with her fingers in her hands. “I saw you leave, so Juvia followed you.” She said more timidly.

“Well, I just came out to get some air. We should head back.” Gray avoided eye contact with Juvia and began to walk back to the guild.

“Oh. O-ok.” Juvia said even quieter, and much sadder.

His mind was practically screaming at him: “What are you doing you idiot!? Now’s your chance! Talk to her!” But his mouth remained shut and his legs kept walking past her.

Maybe he was a stupid man after all.

“No.” He thought to himself.

He planted his feet before he let himself walk too far away from her. Before he let this chance slip away. Because if anyone knew that life was too short, it was Gray. The world could be a cruel place. He might’ve never gotten the chance to speak to Juvia again for all he knew. Juvia could get taken from him all over again, and he would look back at this moment and hate himself for never getting to say what he wanted to say. He was not going to ignore this feeling anymore, because he might never get the chance to express it again.

“Juvia, I wanna’ say something.” He said, sure of himself. But as soon as Juvia looked up at him with those adorable big eyes that were glistening with slightly welled up tears, he lost it all over again. Just why did she have to look at him like that?!

“Yes, Gray-sama?” She asked, more curious than sad, now.

“Well- I- uh–” He looked around and itched the back of his head.

As he stuttered out somer more gibberish, his eyes met Juvia’s again. This time though, her gaze put him at ease. As her head tilted, the azure waves of her hair slightly fell and parted perfectly, just like always. Her slightly puckered and parted lips along with her hooded doe eyes beckoned him. He felt as though his eyes could get lost in the ocean that were hers, and, did she always have such long eyelashes?

“Do you remember before the war? When I–” He paused. The words just were falling out of his mouth, even though he tried his very best to make sense of it all in his head. “–promised you my answer?”

“Oh of course! How could Juvia forget!” She lit up instantly and a natural smile spread across her face. Gray always loved that about her– how the littlest things could always put her in a better mood and make her happy again. As if she wasn’t feeling the opposite just a second ago.

“Well, to be honest,” Gray strolled back over to the ledge and rested his elbows back on the ledge. “I kind of can’t stop thinking about it”

“Oh?” Juvia hastily followed him to the ledge. “Is that why you’ve been avoiding Juvia?”

“Yeah.” He admitted. He turned his head to Juvia. “I’m surprised you haven’t come up to me before today, actually.”

“Juvia figured Gray-sama would talk to Juvia when the time was right. But, it had been days since you’ve even stood in the same room as me. So Juvia decided to come talk to Gray-sama.” She said simply. She then leaned her body over the ledge and placed her elbows on it, just as Gray was.

“I see.” Gray looked back out onto Magnolia.

Before anything else was said, Juvia scooted over and rested her head on Gray’s shoulder. It startled him a bit at first, since Gray was never the touchy-feely type, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked down at Juvia, saw her peaceful smile and closed eyes, and looked back out.

“Juvia’s thankful that you’ve been by her side.” Gray eyes widened a bit, and he looked back down at Juvia, listening to her. “Through it all, you’ve always been there with me, Gray-sama. I’m very grateful to have you.” Gray remembered words very similar to those when he said them a little while ago, in that very same place, right before the war.

“Hm.” He hummed. “Suddenly I have a weird case of Deja Vu.” He huffed a small chuckle.

She lifted her head from his shoulder. “Juvia said those words over and over and over again during the war. It’s what kept me alive, really. It was my spirit. Knowing that Juvia was a help to you, knowing you were grateful for Juvia, knowing Juvia would get an answer after the war was over. It all contributed to my fight. That was my reason for fighting. So that Juvia could remain at your side, helping you, Gray-sama. And then when Juvia took her life for you. And why Juvia did that blood transfusion–” Chills were sent down Gray’s spine as a look of disgust was put on his face. He hated thinking about that day. How he thought he lost her. It was complete agony. “– it was all because I love you.” She looked over and smiled sweetly at him.

“And Gray-sama has been there just the same for Juvia. So, thank you.” Juvia leaned over and placed a cheek on Gray’s cheek.

Gray felt his face warm up, and he knew he was blushing. He looked back out in front of him, slightly embarrassed.

“Well, you don’t have to thank me for something like that” Gray stood up from the ledge, and turned to Juvia, looking at her. “Because I will always be by your side.”

Juvia looked up from the ledge with wide eyes and blushed cheeks. “And I mean that, Juvia.” Gray continued. “I will always be there when you need me and when you’re in any type of danger, or just if you need someone to talk to, even. For whatever you need.”

“Gray-sama…” Juvia said, almost like she was in a daze.

“And- and when you did that blood transfusion, and I thought I lost you… I– I can’t let that happen again. And I’m sorry you had to ever put yourself in that kind of danger for me. So I will be by your side. I will protect you so you’ll never have to do something like that again.” Gray was more serious than ever. Something as precious as Juvia’s life meant so much to him.

“I said I was gonna’ take your feelings seriously, and I mean it. No more uncertainties, no more waiting for answers.” Grays mind was going a mile a minute, and everything seemed to be flowing out of his brain and onto his tongue perfectly. “This is it. Just you and me.” He paused for a moment. “Forever.” He blurted. He was really blushing now.

Juvia stood up straight, across from Gray. “Forever?” She repeated.

“Yeah. Forever.” Gray confirmed with complete certainty and seriousness on his face.

A huge smile took up Juvia’s whole face. “Oh, Gray-sama!” She squealed as she held arms up into their and jumped into his, wrapping her arms tightly around Gray’s neck.

Gray paused for a moment and staggered back, but a smile eventually snuck its way onto Gray’s face as well, and he reciprocated the hug. Juvia continued to squeal and it made Gray chuckle as he wrapped a second arm around her.

“Alright, Juvia you’re kind of choking me.” Gray murmured out as Juvia’s arms slowly got tighter.

“Juvia is just so happy!” She loosened her grip and pulled away slightly to face Gray.

“I can see that.” Gray smirked.

“Well isn’t Gray-sama happy too?” Juvia asked.

Gray paused for a bit. He took a moment to look down at the woman in his arms. It was the woman he’d risked his life for time and time again, the woman who showered him with unconditional love that Gray never knew that he needed, the woman who drove him crazy, the woman who could be so thick at times, but was so clever and smart and knew him better than anyone else, the woman who would do absolutely anything for him, the woman he cared about more than anyone. And he was sure.

“Yeah.” He smiled. “I am.”

Juvia matched his smile with an even bigger one. She fully broke free from his arms and placed her hands on his cheeks as she pulled him in for a much awaited kiss.

Gray was shocked for a good few seconds and wasn’t sure what to do until he finally rested his hands on the small of Juvia’s back and fell into the sweet kiss of the woman that Gray would call his.

Forever.

-

Thank you, Hiro Mashima, for bringing this beautiful couple into my life. And thank you for the adventure.