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magisland · 2 months

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chapter VIII : beers and late night talks

wc: 1.1k words

“so,” you said after taking a sip of your beer, looking at the night sky above you and seokmin, “one of my friends found his soulmate today”

seokmin only nodded, taking a sip of his beer before speaking up, “did it bother you? the fact that another person in your life found their soulmate and you still have no string with someone?”

“yes and no. im happy for him, i truly am.. but i got a bit jealous, not gonna lie. i felt the need to have the same experience, you know?” you looked down and scoffed, “ive always been so nonchalant about the fact that i dont have a soulmate, i always thought ‘oh, thats fine. i can still live my life’, but the past couple days ive been finding myself thinking about it, watching couples from far away… it kinda sucks”

“what if you were never okay with it? what if you were lying to yourself this whole time? or maybe you were fine with it because of your friends’ support, but sometimes only support is not enough?”

you looked at him and he looked back at you, his facial features glowing in the moonlight, you looked back to your lap and then to the city view, “maybe its a bit of all that you said.. i dont know. its not like im dying to have a soulmate, i just wish i knew how it feels to be loved, but i avoid getting into relationships”, you sighed, “i think that we can fall in love and people can fall in love with us, i truly believe we can have happy relationships with other people, even if theyre not our soulmate, but the relationship wont last long because those people are not made for us. we are destined to die without a lover, so all we can do is enjoy the short moments those people can give to us and we can give to them”

“so why do you avoid getting into relationships?”, seokmin leaned closer to you, his eyes full of curiosity as he took another sip of his beer.

“because if i fall in love with them i wont be able to move on. you see, every person has their own identity, their own opinions, their own habits that can be so dear to me. you can never replace anyone.. it hurts too much having to let someone go and leave someone," you fixed yourself in your chair, "there's a quote of one of my favorite movies that i really relate to, 'i tend to see in people little details, specific to each of them that move me and that i miss, and ill probably always miss'. i had a lot of platonic relationships that didnt work out, fake friends, etc.. and it hurt too much when they came to an end. if it hurts me so bad losing a friend, can you imagine how losing a loved one will destroy me? i’d rather stay lonely than go from relationship to relationship just because the cant stay. i know none of them is the one for me, because i dont have ‘the one’ and im nobody's 'the one'”

“woah…” seokmin leaned back in the chair and looked at you with wide eyes and you chuckled, “i think i went too far, didnt i?”

“a bit, but i liked your thought about it”

“what about you? why are you in a relationship if she already has a soulmate?”

“because.” seokmin sighed, “okay, not only because. its complicated, she used to be the only one who knew that i dont have a soulmate before you come to my life, but there’s a reason for why we date.” he paused, clearly wanting to change the subject, “...why do you work at a bookstore? is it your dream or…?”

you shook your head, “my dream is to write a book about my life as someone who doesn’t have a soulmate, but i think im still too young and too naive to write a book about it yet. i want my book to be life changing to the readers, just like the one i gave you was to me”

“i think your thoughts about it are quite interesting, so why not write now?”, he asked opening another can of beer and handing it to you, you mumbled a thank you and took a deep breath, “i have a journal just to write about this ever since i turned 18, but writing a book is something else, is something way more serious. i want people to praise my writing, to praise my thoughts and my work in general, i still need to practice my writing and all of that. but what about your dream?”

“im already living my dream,” seokmin smiled, “im an actor, i act in musicals”

“really?! are you famous? i never heard about you, at least i think so, maybe i just forgot..”

“how do i say that im famous without sounding like im bragging?” you both chuckled, “i’m also known as dokyeom”

you gasped, recognizing the name dokyeom, “my best friend went to your musical! she loved it!”, seokmin smiled shyly, “im glad to know she loved it”

“im sorry i didn’t recognize you, but i know nothing about the musical theatre industry and i never really payed attention to it…”

“its okay, it felt good to be treated as a 'normal' person, please don’t change just because im famous”

“relax, im not like that”, as you said that, you saw seokmin sighing in relief and you chuckled at the sight of him being relieved.

you two kept talking until late at night, if it wasn’t by your constant yawns, the conversation would keep going until the sunrise.

“you seem quite tired, we should call this a day”

“i agree.. im almost sleeping here”, you chuckled, “im sorry for ruining the night again. i really wanted to keep going with the conversation”

“come on, dont say that. im getting sleepy as well and the night has been nothing but amazing. its quite late now, do you want me to walk you home?”

you shook your head, “i dont want to bother you”

“please, i want to make sure you get home safe”

“okay, if you insist.. lets go, its not far away from here”

he nodded and you two left the rooftop of the bookstore, going outside the place and starting to walk towards your house right after you locked the bookstore. the comforting silence filled the air, but you noticed that from time to time seokmin would look at you, as if he wanted to say something, but he would always end up looking away and remaining silent.

after a few minutes of walking you suddenly stopped and looked at him with a smile on your face, “its here”, seokmin looked at the house and smiled a bit, “so i guess i should get going. it was great seeing you, yn”

“it was great seeing you as well, seokmin. bye!” you waved at him as he started to walk away.

seokmin called a cab and during the whole drive he couldnt stop thinking about you and your words, he admired how you were such an interesting person, he also thought a lot about how cute you looked while you explained to him why you didnt want to write your book just yet and while he was walking you home. fuck, what if he is becoming attracted to you?

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INVISIBLE STRING

in a world where when you turn 18 you share an invisible string with your soulmate that only you and your respective soulmate can see it, seokmin, also known as dokyeom, is an actor in the musical theatre world that doesnt have a soulmate and keep it as a secret. meanwhile, yn works in a bookstore and doesnt seem bothered at all by the fact of not sharing a string with someone. is it possible to change the destiny and find your soulmate even tho you dont share the invisible string with anyone?

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starlightkun · 1 year

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okay but what if changer is my favourite starlightkun fic ever. what then 😳

also me the moment sungchan says he does astrophysics:

WE GOT IT! WE GOT IT EVERYONE, THE STARLIGHT IN THE STARLIGHTKUN, THE MEL SPECIAL, ONE STARGAZING DATE™ COMING RIGHT UP!!!

also y/n being absolutely so done with hyuck and jaemin is hilarious like when they're at jenos party and shes like is this chenles doing? no the terrible duo woke up again this morning and decided to make it my problem i see i see. or when shes trying not to ✨romance✨ sungchan and is like yeah i can say this to my pals. i could say this to shotaro and jaemin because they're both my pals. maybe not hyuck tho idk the vibes are off

no but genuinely this is one of my favourite fics you've ever written, it feels so natural and the way you wrote sungchan makes me feel so warm and fuzzy (i love finding people as insane about him as i am) i want to be there. also the denim baseball caps with lavender embroidery???? so fucking cute holy shit.

honestly with this pair i could see them pulling a tdhea and start dating but decide not to tell jaemin, hyuck or shotaro. like shotaro sees her walk out of sungchans bedroom in the morning and hes all 🤨 and y/ns like "studying werewolf anatomy is so HARD 🤪🤪🤪 thankfully sungchan is such a great teacher and goes slow at first so i can get the hang of it" like really fucking with them as payback for their meddling. or sungchan going up to hyuck and jaemin lamenting about his unrequited love and asking them for advice on what flowers to give someone who doesnt like you back and the dryads are like 🥺🥺 but they do like you back and sungchans like 😓 i am a man with faults, i have made mistakes 🤧 and i am not worth the pain or suffering 🫡🥲💀 like really playing into his loserboy potential

anyways thats all lives were changed, changer changed lives

-✨anon

omg 😳 ur fave 🥺🥺

and literally me writing any sort of learn'ed man who knows things about the stars like....at this point its inevitable its a canon event that i cannot interfere with in every single universe i will write a stargazing date like ajsfgjdfgkjg;; anywayyyy i hope they've all been different enough to not be too redundant??? or i hope that yall at least like stargazing dates too lmao

the rest of my response got sooo long and contains minor/vague changer spoilers so it's under the cut :)

dryad!hyuck: *exists*

half of the characters in the strawbsunday universe: idk the vibes are off

and im fr soooo glad there's one other person out here that's unwell in the head abt jung sungchan. im on my sungchanist shit 24/7 lately like between changer pt 1 being 22k, phantasmagorical pt 1 being 21k, and the both of them having pt 2s in the works........ im down bad and im never getting back up im telling u 🫠🫠

nahh bc if hyuck had to deal with ANOTHER oblivious (or "oblivious") pair after woos x strawbsunday reader and sungie x tdhea reader (bc in my canon timeline that i keep in my notes, changer does take place after both of those) he would literally kill somebody. like somebody would Die. he wouldn't bother beating around the bush either. he'd just sit the both of them down and very calmly say "you two have big fat stupid crushes on each other and if you don't fucking admit it im going to walk outside and commit vehicular homicide right now" with one of his eyes twitching. my bestie would be Fed Up. like sungchan x changer reader were only safe bc hyuck wasn't as good of friends with sungchan but if they pulled THAT shit they wouldn't be spared twice

NAWT the werewolf anatomy 😭😭😭 poor taro their rooms share a wall....... but, you know, reader IS an MCS student, and "there's so little literature on half-werewolves, it's a fascinating opportunity to get hands-on experience and research— hey taro why are you running away i haven't even told you about my thesis question yet"

also i agree w u that i could totally see changer reader and sung trying to pull a tdhea (with it being either one of their ideas tbh, they'd both think it would be hilarious), but werewolf sungchan is way too much of a simp (affectionate) and ruins it almost immediately. it's day 2 and they arrive separately to a movie night at jeno and jaemin's and reader is trying to ~coyly~ sit just close enough to sungchan on the couch but he's just so excited to see them he's like "oh hi baby!!" and pulls them onto his lap and and kisses them in front of EVERYONE. and their friends r all just like. "uh, fascinating way to tell us that ur dating, guys. cool." bc they all think that it was an intentional grand reveal and not sungchan royally fucking up them keeping it a secret [not canon but hilarious to imagine]

ALSO also your imitation of sung "😓 i am a man with faults, i have made mistakes 🤧 and i am not worth the pain or suffering 🫡🥲💀" had me cackling at my desk at work today like so true he IS loserboy (beloved) but we have not yet witnessed his peak simp behavior nor his peak loserboyness

#ALSO if you liked this sungchan.......i daresay that i might like phantasmagorical sungchan better...#IDK ITS SO CLOSE #IM IN LOVE W THEM BOTH AHHHH #THE SUNGCHAN BRAINROT IS SO REAL #answered #✨️ anon #talk #text #mine #fb #f: changer #au: strawberry sunday #strawberry sunday: meta

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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First of all, I dont want to be mean or offensive, just for the sake of it, Im just very confused by this situation in regards to the very incresingly mayority of people that consider thmselves to be inside the asexual spectrum.

Seems like a lot of people feel a deep confusion because their bodies or their feelings don't seem to alinage with what the vast majority of people on the internet apparently feel, and they seem in desperate need of validation, seeking to label and identify with something to define their identity, but they also seem rather unwillingly to experiment Irl their sexuality or feelings. They even seem so married with the idea that they are “something”, something bad, wrong, good or different but it needs to be part of how they present to the world as a shield to justify.

Once again, speaking of separating reality from fantasy, I've read some horny takes, and some wildly exaggerated tales, even porno movies that make me think “woa, I had someone do that to me, but I didn't enjoy it the same”. It's not like I didn't enjoy it irl, it's just that reading something embellished and exaggerated will always sound so much better than reality, and if these confused individuals only have those accounts of how things apparently are supposed to feel like, wouldn't that make reality feel like a failure?.

If I remember right, speaking about making friends on the internet is not the same as making friends in reality. I think it is just the same with love, attraction and sexuality. Even our ways of loving a partner arent the same with each relationship. But if you put it against…say the romance defined by Romeo and Juliet, or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy, or some other epic tale of love. It won't compare with what I felt for X or Y person in that moment in my life, maybe I fell head over heels with X, but also loved Y because it made me feel tenderness. Same as sexual atraction, I would find some partners that would make me so hot and bothered and ready to go even in the most inapropiated places, and maybe some other partner makes me horny and we have compability with kinks and stuff that makes having sexual relashionships very good in their negotiated way but not in the wildy horny desperate kind.

But I could convince myself that just because I haven't had this straight cut definition, then it means I'm something, and that something defines me and it means I'm not capable of finding it and for that reason I won't seek it, or even try anymore, then it means I am an outsider.

I'm asking because just today I saw a 20 year old, asking on a post something similar about the early annon. This girl says, she has libido, she finds men and women attractive but she hasnt had a relashioship with anyone nor has fallen in love but longs to find a relashionship, has no sexual experience, but she wants help to define their sexual orientation because shes confused and almost sure it means she needs a label to define what she feels because she obviously is different from others of the same age, and lots of people begun telling her she is asexual for sure. I would say that being confused is pretty much the standar when you are young ( even as adults we can find some new take on our kinks), thats why people beging experiementing and fiding what they truly like in the first place, everyone goes at their own pace and time, it's not like a milestone that If baby doesn't feel love, doesn't feel horny then it needs a flag and a label, but if someone already told her she is Asexual, Antrosexual, Arosexual, etc and she stops trying then she wont know, specially because I simply don't think that inexperience equals asexuality. And yeah, maybe some people truly don't need the experience to know, but that needs a deep understanding of yourself that won't happen unless they truly tried at least once with anything even in the most sugar coated level to say -i really, really don't like this, not even in writing. Why is people trying so hard to define themselves and others on the internet?. People need to stop asking others about something that can only be defined by ourselves, there is no answer but your own, and to know yourself and what it feels like to you.

Dude, people seriously need to stop asking google and others how to define themselves or comparing reality with porno. A life time seems like a long time to be sure about something, actually, it's a constant, neverending wtf I am feeling right now, okay-I like-clown-porn-now-and-its-fine.

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years

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seven

Rich and powerful men can marry seven different women in a wild attempt to produce the perfect heir. Todoroki Enji is one of these powerful men, and you’re his seventh bride.

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pairing: todoroki enji (endeavor) x fem!reader

warnings: edo period!endeavor (king henry viii inspo), forced marriage, alcohol consumption, 18+, smut, non-con, dub-con, size difference, breeding kink, rough-sex, pain, degradation, & mind break

word count: 5,750

a/n: fuck that family who started the fire in socal. my campus is literally raining ashes up in oregon. im so tired. two exams monday. im going to be going on meds for anxiety and adhd soon, so thats new. uh,,, this is like LOL its a bit bad,,, but I really, really lust over asshole enji who only wants to breed bitches and thats it. this is for the bnharem fantasy au collab, i wan’t that creative sorry see ya later skaters.

PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS. PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS. PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE WARNINGS.

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One.

Fate: Spared.

Two.

Fate: Executed.

Three.

Fate: Died during childbirth.

Four.

Fate: Spared.

Five.

Fate: Executed.

Six.

Fate: Executed.

Seven.

Fate: Unknown.

Silks and expensive cloth held a scent that was irreplicable.

The smooth smell of the layers upon layers of fabric wrapped around your body did nothing to quench the building layer of ice in your stomach.

You were scared.

Rightfully so.

Six women came before you, and if you wanted to live, you would have to do better than them.

Marrying the Todoroki Clan head was something that most women could only dream of accomplishing in this day and age. The Todoroki’s, after all, are strong, rich, powerful, undefeated. They held the real power in this age, more influential and notable than the emperor that repeatedly begged the family for support, be it in power, strength, or money.

But, it was also known knowledge that the man who sat at the head of the clan, who held the power of the Todoroki name and future, was a man not to be trifled with.

Todoroki Enji was an endeavor of a man.

There had always been whispers about the head of the family, how he stood eight feet tall, and how his body was not lean like most warriors, but thick and savagely sturdy. His hair was red, blessed by the sun some claimed, or cursed by the devil others alleged. His temper and barbaric nature on the battlefield were, of course, rumored by the people on your lands, who had been indebted by the Todoroki Clan because of their protection and profits.

Todoroki Enji was not a man to be trifled with.

Especially not if the rumors were true.

He was painted as a demon by everyone. Still, Enji was no demon, he was human, and if he was to allow the Todoroki Clan's legacy to continue, he needed an heir… but since he was human, he was aging.

Six women.

You knew that it was six women because you had been alive to experience five of them.

You remember the newly married couple being paraded through the streets.

Todoroki Enji remained hidden within his vehicle's confines while his new wife, doe-eyed, smiling, effervescent, would greet the gathered crowds. You often wondered what they thought when you would conjure in respect for the man who ensured your childhood and adolescence were not corrupted by thieves and horror.

You wondered what she thought when promising the village elders that she would produce a strong, male heir. You raised an eyebrow at the thought that maybe, just maybe they believed that they would be different -- be able to birth a strong, capable male heir.

Six wives.

Twenty children.

Two weak, sickly boys.

A whole clan of girls.

Were they idiotic, blind, or batshit insane to ever believe that they would be different?

You undoubtedly didn’t know.

Three of the six had been executed.

Three of six had been proud to state they would produce a strong male Todoroki heir, noting that his two sons -- Touya and Natsuo -- would be removed from the family as soon as their strong son was born.

One of those three birthed a weak, sickly baby boy. She passed in childbirth and took him with her one day after.

Another of those three birthed four girls, two sets of twins because, of course, they were given two chances. She was executed on treason.

The final of those three had simply pissed him off; rumor had it. Her pussy was too tight, unwilling to sheath the thick massive cock that belonged to him… no point in breaking something that wouldn’t bend when there was more pussy out there (you remember she had been ugly too).

But what you didn’t expect was for his clan members to come through your village's streets with an announcement in hand.

Of the six women before you, three had held significant political power -- the three that survived.

Of the remaining three, there was a poet, the other a woman soldier of his, and the last being a clan member.

You had never known what the decision process was, not even a little bit, so when men dressed in dark robes with the Todoroki sigil and katana’s strapped to their sides infiltrated your village, you were on edge.

“All women who are fertile and beautiful, line up, and no, we don’t care if you’re married,” was the short, almost taunting order, and you had never felt sicker.

You were among the seventy females in your village that matched the requirement they demanded.

Your sight was almost glued to the floor as they walked through you all, your fists grabbing your light blue kimono as the men groped the women in line, teasing the breasts of the pregnant women, rutting their poorly concealed cocks through the valley of asses, shoving between some girls thighs with loopy, proud smiles on their faces, beating any man who attempted to protect any one of their honors.

But you were towards the end of the line, standing where they decided to save for last, and you were helpless to it all. You watched knowing that of the sixty-something women ahead of you, none of them remained.

The whimpers, cries, and whines grew louder by your ear, your spine rigid and sore with its tightness as the girl beside you dropped to the floor in her fear. You couldn’t bother looking at her as the parting of their robes seemed to be akin to gunpowder going off in your ears. The horrified squeal on her tongue being silenced when a cock slammed through her lips, the tears pouring down her face useless, if anything, only encouraging their roughhousing.

Your lip curled at the sound of her pathetic whining, the incessant need of her to tell them that she was not okay with this was nails on an iron plate. It annoyed you, it pissed you off.

“Look at this one,” the snickering laughter of a man breathed by your ear, instantly stilling and freezing the anger that was once radiating like fire from your chest. “She doesn’t look ashamed… she looks like she’s jealous. Maybe these common bitches do have someone good enough for Boss.”

Spluttering gasps and hiccuping cries came from the ground, and you couldn’t even bother glancing at the woman you had known all your life laying on the floor, kimono ripped open, and white, sticky cum dripping from her mouth.

“Well, there’s nothing like taking her out for a test run,” came a sleazy smile, and when two hands gripped at your clothed breasts, you didn’t so much as raise a brow at their perverted actions.

You had won in the end against them. Each perverted, twisted intention they placed against you, dirt crusted fingernails digging into your arms, purpling, throbbing cocks pressed into your backside… it hadn’t mattered.

You didn’t budge.

You didn’t cry.

You didn’t make a noise.

A simple smirk remaining on their faces at your inevitable victory against the other women in your village -- against the crying, cum stuffed women who stared at your victorious and stubborn form without a clue on how you managed.

And where did that land you?

In a room with only one window too high up for an average person to reach, white silks and fabrics adorning your body, and ceremonial ornaments in your hair.

Six women came before you, but today, you would become the seventh.

With you, there would be seven women to have wed Todoroki Enji, but you weren’t scared because you feared the fate of the six before you. No, you were much better than them; you already knew that for a fact.

The anxiety that coursed through your veins created that ice pit in your stomach came from one place and one place only.

Your cunt already sobbed at the thought of even attempting at taking his thick, veiny cock you knew was the size of your thigh later tonight.

A virgin like you had no chance of survival.

The doors to your room soon slammed open, and your back stiffened at the sight of a familiar face of an escort you had. His eyes didn’t meet yours; they were focused at the wall, his face tense and tight.

“It’s best we leave now, y/l/n, Todoroki-sama doesn’t like waiting.”

The weight of the white silk on your body felt like a brick when you stood up from your position, and you wondered if the sweat from your pits and palms would damage the kimono -- if it was noticeable. But you had a duty, and as number seven, you had no motive to be executed before even getting the chance to prove yourself.

You knew how wishes worked; the secret was in being silent about your desire… never reveal what your wish was, or the world wouldn’t grant it.

Or at least, that’s what you told yourself every time you heard the all too familiar words of: “I’ll produce a fine Todoroki heir,” through the lips of the dead and the divorced. They had spoken it to the universe, acknowledged what they needed, and the cruel world failed them each and every time.

You were so wrapped up in your thoughts, so consumed by the idea of what would happen tonight, you hardly realized that with the heaving puffing breathes you took to keep up with the man’s ridiculous strides, that you had made it to the shrine that you had been brought to wed.

But you couldn’t even take in the beauty of the shrine to your left because you were more interested in who was standing in the pathway towards the shrine.

Todoroki Enji.

He stood on the stone-paved path, his bulky, beefy arms folded across his chest, the fabric of his kimono taut and tight against his flexed muscle, and a sour frown on his face. It was as the rumors had spoken, you realized when you stopped mere strides away from your future husband, he was a man that looked both godly and cursed.

Bright red hair glistened like copper pans under the sunlight, waving and flickering like a raging fire with every small burst of wind. He stood at almost eight feet high, maybe eight feet, you had no idea. All you knew is that as your feet stumbled when getting near to this man, you were dwarfed, feeling like a child next to their father as you gazed up at his unmoving, scarred face. His eyes didn’t look down at you, but even you could see the clear, sharp blue in them, and for the first time, you questioned reality.

Was this man truly human? Was he genuinely Japanese?

Seeing him before you made your knees buckle in fear, arousal, and anticipation.

You wanted to see what had made the sixth scream to stop.

You wanted to see just what he was hiding behind the ridiculously tight fitted kimono, but your thoughts were yanked away when his hand -- no doubt bigger than your head -- pressed to space between your shoulder blades and pushed you.

“We’re on a tight schedule,” he merely growled, his eyes burning at something a million miles away, and with a small, pitiful whimper, you allowed him to lead the way.

The wedding ceremony was… odd, to say the least.

While you had never been married, you had attended a few weddings within your lifetime already, and never once had it felt so disturbing dead and raw as it had today. This Shinto ceremony, typically doused with symbolism and motifs for the greatest possible outcome for the union between you and Todoroki Enji, was stripped from the shrine walls, leaving the walls barren and cold as both he and the priest proceeded through the ceremony at breakneck speed.

It wasn’t something Enji wanted; you realized that clearly the moment he refused to meet your gaze; his blue eyes remaining on the priest.

Everything the both of you performed together was done haphazardly, the lack of symbols you had always wished to see in your wedding ceremony forgotten, undoubtedly seen as a farce by a man like Todoroki Enji, but still, your heart ached.

You hadn’t noticed when the ceremony had ended; Enji never once allowing you to move, or do anything for that matter, by yourself. There was no use in fighting against a man who’s entire hand fit around your forearm, his thumb even resting against his fingernail -- oh yes, this man was huge.

There was no telling when he paraded you through the streets of his territory, allowing you to numbly speak to the village elders, to allow your parents to press their sweaty palms to your cheeks because god, please, please survive this, their touch practically sobbed. You smiled at them, eyes numb with the reality of what this was going to be for you, but the cheerful tone on your tongue remained optimistic and bright with every passing word.

The scornful thoughts of the sixth woman being too weak to handle Enji had dissipated, and you wondered just what the other five did to survive what you knew was a massive fucking cock hidden beneath the shrowds of his black kimono.

You would survive, you would survive, you would survive.

But far before you were ready to, you arrived back at the Todoroki front, the wooden estate standing sturdy and strong, the air of power and aura almost tangible. The samurai and clansmen who had undoubtedly awaited for you and your now-husband (that was still odd to think about) to return. Pairs of warm, weathered hands helped you from the carriage, and without so much of a whisper of thanks, they escorted you away, heads bowed at the mercy of their leader.

Once more, you were abandoned in your room.

The window no longer allowed the streaming setting sunlight in, your room was in the eastern part of the estate, and with the nighttime coming, the setting sun was merely a memory to you.

And in that room, the tiny, unspacious room that seemed much more for a prisoner than the seventh wife of Todoroki Enji, you tried not to cry.

The door slamming open hours after you had fallen asleep had taken you by surprise.

Enji had left you to your own entertainment, and long after you were served dinner, and informed that no, Todoroki-sama would not be visiting you right now because he was busy, you had sat on the bed in your silks and robes, numbly looking at the star-filled sky. Sleep was the only thing you could do, and with the last servant visit being past midnight, you took to sleep.

Except that you forgot a sparing, important detail.

This was Todoroki Enji’s world, and you were merely his legal fuckhole.

The heavy footsteps of Enji entering the room echoed in your ear, and the door closed behind him, solidifying the end of the beginning of what you once knew.

“Seven,” he growled into the night, and your spine snapped straight.

He loomed above you, the tatami mat suddenly feeling like a brick wall against your side, and you swallowed pathetically at the way his deep, raspy voice sent shivers down your spine.

This had been the first time you had heard him speak, all other forms of communication between him and the priest and he and his clan members had been nonverbal, solely told through those piercing blue eyes that only let you dream of what he sounded like -- of what he was demanding. But you lay confused, your eyebrows scrunched at just why he had called out the number seven?

Seven what?

You twisted where you lay, your eyes meeting his own, and despite the lack of light in the room, you could see the cold, distant glint in his eyes.

“Oh good,” he mocked, his voice low and dangerous, eyes squinted in his apparent lack of approval. “You can hear.”

“S-Seven what?” you stammer, your elbow pressing into the mat, pushing you up so that you could look at your husband, uncertainty and discomfort scorching every nerve in your body.

You didn’t know what to do.

Then, it hit you. The bitter, numbing smell of alcohol coated in a fine layer around his skin, the small puffs of angry air from his mouth letting you know that your husband was inebriated, and your throat clenched when he began to dismantle his kimono.

“T-This isn’t a good idea!” you stammer, the white silk robes you were still dressed in because they refused to allow you a set of sleeping clothes because the marriage needed to be consummated, felt stiff and not protective enough. “You won’t produce a proper heir if you’re intoxicated.”

Enji raised an eyebrow at you, and your thudding heart failed to cease as his robes hit the floor with an unceremonious thud.

Whiskey dick wasn’t something foreign to you; the countless men you had sucked off in your time, the numerous sex stories you had been shared with always had some instance of a man getting drunk and being able to get their cock hard, but this…?

If this was Enji’s whiskey dick, you weren’t sure what to expect of his sober cock.

His cock was already hard, the veins in his cock large, plentiful, and bulging in many areas. It was thick, without a doubt thick enough where it would take both your hands to circle around his cock, and it was long, the swollen weeping tip leaking against his abdomen. His cock was magnificent yet deadly, and your pussy spasmed in fear of having that monster all twelve plus inches shoved into your virgin cunt.

“The fuck are you doing, seven?” Enji snarled, his powerful naked legs moving toward you, his feet pressing into the mat, and his hand reaching out to you. “I didn’t marry you for you to just stare at my fucking cock like some piss-shit baby.”

There was no time to panic, protest, or even prepare yourself for the sudden sharp, dull ache in your jaw when he pressed his monster cock past your chapped, chewed lips.

Immediately, it was overwhelming.

The engorging cock had barely passed your lips, but you were already gagging against the unwelcomed size, the horrid ache sending spilling tears down your cheeks, doing nothing but annoying the man before you. His hands gripped your hair, his eyes not even bothering to look at you as he fucked your mouth.

“Stop fucking resisting,” Enji snarled, his hips coming to meet your mouth in a vicious, unpleasant snap, the head of his cock pressing down your clenched throat, and so much of his cock still remaining far from your mouth. “Take my cock like the fucking whore I know you are, seven.”

You gasp for air, but with his cock ramming further and further down your throat, the scalding heat emitting from his skin burning your throat, making you gag and choke around him in your fear. You couldn’t breathe, you realized in a panic, and your eyes widened in fear, drool and spit spilling down your chin pathetically as Enji hums contently.

“Don’t feel so scared, seven,” Enji cruelly smirked up at the ceiling, his hips lazily, sloppily, yet powerfully delivering his cock into your bulging throat. “I heard what you did to my men, how you let them fuck you however they saw fit, how you scoffed and scowled at the other pathetic weak bitches who couldn’t handle a little groping… I thought you would like this? What is it? Never had a real fucking cock before? A little whore like yourself only gotten shitty little cocks?”

Wordlessly, you begged to be shown mercy, your vision blackening as he choked out all forms of oxygen, his war weathered body unbothered by your clawing fingers on his thighs. No, you were too weak for it to hurt him.

His hands left your hair, and you collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for air, choking, and coughing for oxygen that only burned all through your system, sitting unpleasantly in your lungs while tears and saliva mixed on your throat.

“Where the fuck are do you think you’re going, seven?” Enji barked, his body suddenly looming over yours, and you felt trapped, unable to move as the mountain of a man trapped you between his sturdy arms and legs. His cock, warm and sticky with your spit and his precum, sat heavily on your stomach, the size difference between the two of you even more pronounced when the tip of his cock rested at the bottom of your ribcage. “All you did was lube up my cock for your stupid, tight pussy. Don’t think I was satisfied with that childish blowjob -- next time, if you want to cry, make sure it’s loud enough that I feel it against my cock.”

You pathetically moan at his words, the tears still falling from your eyes because your throat and jaw hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt.

“Please,” you gasped as his cinder hot hands pressed to your breasts against your kimono, he quickly enveloped your tender flesh in his hands despite the fabric. “Please, no more.”

“I don’t remember this marriage being about you,” he mocked, and with no more of a glinting snarl of his mouth, he tore the kimono straight off your body. The horrified scream that left your lips was silenced by the echoing slap across your face.

Pain blistered at the side of your face, and the resulting tears couldn’t be felt against your numbed skin as Enji continued his conquest, his fingers pulling and ripping any and all fabric pressed against your body.

“Get away!” you weakly whimpered, body trembling and twisting as you attempted to escape the man looming above you, finally ridding you of all dresses, hands pressing to the back of your thighs to push you into a position that he liked. “Leave me alone, leave me alone…”

There was no fire in your words, nothing but the aching fear and undeniable terror.

But the words did nothing to Enji, who continued to move you so that your tight, virgin cunt lined up with his throbbing, red cockhead. Even like this, your face was pressed into his chest. His body unworldly larger than yours, incredibly goliath compared to you.

“You know, seven, if you keep trying to escape me and you keep trying to save yourself, then why are you so fucking wet with everything I’ve done?” he growls down at you, his piercing blue eyes staring straight through you, the tears falling down your face doing nothing but encouraging him because he was right… your cunt, just like his cock, was wet, dripping with the undeniable pleasure of this all. There was a fire, a shameful fire, in your pussy, throbbing in time with the stinging pulse in your face that begged for Enji’s cock despite it all. “You fucking tiny little slut… I can feel just how my actions -- how my words -- affect you, getting you off like a bitch in heat! Your efforts to hide it are pathetic, fucking useless.”

Pain.

If you thought you knew what pain was before right now, you had to be wrong.

Enji’s girth was overwhelming, nearly splitting your shuddering tight walls while he buried his cock entirely within you. Nausea builds in the back of your throat, a soundless shriek breaking past your bleeding lips, your hips bucking in their relentless attempt to adjust to the way that he was splitting your walls in two, and your face flushed in pain and lust press into his chest, the only part of him you could touch.

Fuck, fuck, “fuck!” you cried, fat and painful tears pushing past your eyes, dripping down the apples of your cheeks while Enji sighed at the feeling of your hot cunt against his cock, blood seeping out of your pussy in such a pretty way he couldn’t help but smile.

“You’ve got a really tight cunt,” he observes, his hips slamming against you without warning, his mind only caring about him, setting off another round of painful screams while he situates within you. “Mhm, this is nice. A tight, young pussy always means a good womb, you’ll give me the heir I need… I’ll make sure to fuck you full of my cum.”

His hips then begin to thrust upward into you, the tip of his cock unable to reach the beginnings of your walls that he seemed to attempt to get to with each powerful blow. But it was his girth that had your body tensed, back arched in pain, eyes clenched in nothing but pain.

Pain.

“Hey.” SLAP. Your head snapped to the side, a burning, stinging pain on your cheek, alerting you that your eyes were closed. Your piqued breathing spluttered and so spaced between it was as if you were having some sort of asthma attack. Enji looked down at you, blue eyes burning demonly down at you (you wondered if this was the same look those who survived to see him on the battlefield claimed he had), his lips curled into an unapproving snarl while his hands pushed at the bottom of your knees. You pressed further into the tatami, the angle of penetration only furthering with your desperate screams to be gentler. “Shut the hell up, you’re annoying me with all this fucking screaming. Don’t waste my time.”

You whimper loudly, the feeling of his forcibly moving hips not becoming any easier on you, no longer a wave of intensive horrifying pain, but still a throbbing pain than had your fingernails cutting into his skin. “You have to be gentler! Be gentler, please be gentler! You’re so much bigger than me!!! My pussy can’t… my pussy can’t handle this!”

The fabric of the kimono under your body seared with heat when Enji shoved you further onto the mat, your legs twitching almost pathetically around his waist while your sight nearly blackened with his next action. He slammed your knees into the mat, increasing the angle of his penetration by a tenfold, sending you into another round of howling pain and pleasure as his cock slammed into your cervix -- bruising and scalding your puffy, sensitive walls with every powerful thrust. With his drilling hips and snarling speed, your screams and shouts of pain and pleasure and fear were cut off by an enormous fist around your neck, and his voice echoed from above you.

“Didn’t your dad teach you fucking whore to be quiet, seven?” Enji hisses, his thick hand clenching around your neck. Oxygen refused to flow to your lung, you went light-headed and limp, choking noises emitting from you while he continued to slam his cock in you, your clenching and splitting walls unable to keep up with the speed of the esteemed nobleman of Japan. “You’re my breeding whore, do you understand? You have no value to me except to be breed, to be full of my cum, to carry my child. You are nothing more than an object. Do. You. understand?”

Your head throbbed, the blood forcibly kept in your head, and the lack of oxygen made your world spin.

“Y-Yes!” you choke on your tongue.

“Repeat it!”

“I’m your breeding whore! Fill me with your cum, I wanna… fuck, I w-wanna carry your children! I’m your object, I’m yours, I’m yours, I’m yours!”

“There we go,” Enji sighs contently, his broad chest pressing your thighs further into the bed, cutting off what limited oxygen you had left, and increasing the jabbing pleasure within you by a tenfold.

“Shit, such a filthy fucking cunt you have,” he groans, your walls spasming against him with his wild, obscene thrusts. He moves his hands further up your legs so that they press against your knees, your legs then wrap around his body, shaking as he makes no effort to slow in his advances, your finger drawing blood from where they raked down his back because he was burning an outline of your body into the mat. Your strangled scream goes unnoticed by Enji, a desperate plea for him to be softer.

But he wasn’t someone who cared.

You were only here to be bred, to give him a son, the strongest son the entire country of Japan -- nay, the world -- has ever seen.

Pathetically, your hips attempt to rise up to meet him, a prayer that it would ease this brutal force he was using. It was too much -- his cock easily overpowering your throbbing cunt.

The sounds of his cock slamming into your sopping pussy created loud wet noises that made you cry in embarrassment. Your face felt like it was seconds from popping out, Enji’s weight crushing you on top of the abhorrent position he was fucking you in, but he found it as an excuse to speed up. His rugged grunts are warnings in your ears as his cock finally hits your cervix with consistency that makes you wail. The stretch he gave you was boggling, and you were progressively less cognitive aware as he drilled in harder. His slams were so hard that the sound of his thighs hitting your ass let out a continuous and loud slap.

His fingers gouge into your skin, and you cry his name like a hopeful prayer as he is fueled by your appraisal, your breath hot and sticky between the valley of his chest. Your tongue pressing against his skin akin to some infant looking to suck their mothers tit.

The force in which Enji slammed his hips to meet yours. Above your ear, the growling pants that mocked you for enjoying this demeaned you for thinking you were anything more than his breeding whore sent a liquid fire that could never match the heat of a conflagration to your core. When your head smashed against the mat because you could no longer keep your head up.

“That’s fucking right,” he laughs, drool pouring past your lips with your mindless babble, your eyes fluttering closed. Pleasure drowned in pain sobs expelled from your lips, invigorating something powerful within the entire family who watches on with impatient stares at the sight of your squeezing cunt around Eniji’s cock. “Take my fucking cock, bitch, don’t fucking pass out yet, we’re far from over.”

Enji was raw power, destruction, and strength. He pistoled into your sobbing core with the intent of getting his sperm into your cunt, to get his sperm that would get him a son into you, other than that, he was uncaring, unmotivated by your pathetic whining and crying. Your thrashing and wailing do not stop Enji, nor do they lessen the pace and the force he’s settled in as the floor begins to creak with every powerful thrust.

“I needa — holy shit, r-right there! M-More, more, more, more--”

“What? Do you need to come already, seven?” Enji mocks you pushing up off you so his back is curved, and your body so small underneath him. “Do you really think I’ll let you cum before me?”

Your eyes can no longer stay open as the only noises leaving your mouth are whines and begs for more. You forcibly clench around him to stir a reaction from him, but all he does is snarl quietly as he continues his rutting force. The pounding is rhythmic. His balls bruising your ass where he hits you. The feeling of Enji’s cock entering and leaving you draws your eyes to the back of your head as you pathetically whimper his name, his thighs hitting your ass at bruising force, only adding to your pleasure.

Each powerful snap of his hips sending your back arching to the heavens, the balls of your feet digging bruisingly into his back. In and out he goes, your cunt nothing more than a cocksleeve for him, and your wanton screams and mewls taking him further and further.

Enji all but laughs into your ear, his hand moving from pressing onto the tatami mat and pushing into your opened mouth, pressing onto your tongue. “Suck my fingers like a good whore, show me that you’re not gonna disappoint me. Suck my fingers.” you sob in the thought, not because you’re fearful of disappointing the man, but because the feeling of his fingers in your mouth makes your cunt throb ludicrously, your tongue desperately wrapping around the appendages, pushing through the space of his fingers. “I’m going to fill you up so good, breeding whore. You’ll be leaking my cum for days. I’m going to make sure you carry the Todoroki gene, and I hope that it’s my son you carry.”

The words incite clenching heat in your core, your lips unable to form anything but a weak, pitiful moan because the thought of being filled to the max with Todoroki cum makes your mind spin. More, you want to milk them all dry. You want nothing more than that. With a ragged breath, a consecutive full thrust that sends his cock slamming against your cervix, Enji cums fully within you. His load is long and heavy, your belly feeling like it’s bulging when he finally emerges from your cunt. His once hard cock limping in his hands while you lay there defeated, his and your intermixed cum spilling from your pulsing cunt.

Your mouth opened, sobbing at his absence, a need for him to return despite your core's undeniable tremor and ache. He’s off your body as well, and oxygen floods your lungs in dizzying and shallow pants, your vision fuzzies out, and you stare almost brokenly at the window painted with the rising morning sun.

Your room was in the east wing, after all.

You didn’t even protest when he pressed a smooth wooden plug into your cunt to “ensure you were bred to succession.”

He would soon leave your room, stumbling out with a drunken hiccup, leaving you to lay on a once white kimono… a once white kimono drenched in cum, blood, sweat, and tears.

You wouldn’t know until two weeks later, but Todoroki Enji had succeeded in breeding you, and you would eventually lay in a birthing room with blood and sweat and tears soaking your skin as a silent baby boy was placed in your arms.

“And what will his name be?” the midwife asked, her eyes wide with joy for you and Enji.

“...Shouto.”

#endeavor x reader #todoroki enji x reader #endeavor smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha

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matches-is-meow · 2 years

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🐰 || hiya! i saw that you were doing bnha matchups and i wanted to jump at that opportunity so bad! and dw at all if its your first time doing them, i'm sure they'll turn out great! /gen :]

🌸 || im unlabeled but im attracted to pretty much whoever. but for this matchup i think i'd like a guy lolz! preferably from 1-A and no one out of high school becuz i see the pro heroes as more parental figures ( °`u´° )👍

🐰 || my myers briggs personality is right on the cusp of enfp and infp which is a little funky but i prefer infp i think! my enneagram is 2w3 too. im also a hufflepuff and my zodiac is leo!

🌸 || my personality is usually very happy, i'm a huge optimist and just kind of "puppy-like" so i've been told! i can be pretty funny and enjoy making my friends laugh! i'm a bit quiet at first, but if i think you're cool then i can open up very quickly. i've been called ditzy so many times its almost annoying. i'm probably always the last person to fall asleep at a sleepover because of how hyperactive i get at night! im called weird often because i get so hyperfixated on certain things and i know a shit ton of odd (or grisly) facts. i like a lot of weird media and figure out a way to tell people about them constantly. wanna hear about that truman show documentary i watched?? how about my herobrine experiences back in 4th and 5th grade?? maybe even a few facts about lemon sharks? i will be very excited if anyone listens to me ramble about random shit i saw on the internet. people are always like "why do you know this shit" and i shrug and pretend i didn't stay up all night studying the youtube algorithm just because i felt like it at the time.

🐰 || my looks differ from my personality quite a bit actually. i have a medium body type that's not really too chubby or too skinny, just in the middle? its doesn't bother me a whole lot but it used to. i'm short. like extremely short. around 4'9 - 4'10 because i havent grown since 6th grade haha. ive been to many doctors trying to see what my deal is LMAO. but back on my appearance, i have a wolfcut thats kinda messy and more of a shag at the moment because it hasnt been cut in a while, my bangs are dyed pink and blue and theyre kinda choppy across my forehead. my hair is shoulder length atm. i have peachy-pale skin because i can't tan and i have light but noticeable freckles on the bridge of my nose and a prominent freckle on my bottom left eyelid :D! i have gray blue eyes and a septum piercing. i dont like to wear a bunch of makeup because of the way it feels (i wish i didn't have sensory issues) so i stick with some eyeliner and mascara :]

🌸 || i mostly wear ripped mom jeans and lavender converse, along with whatever horror movie shirt i found in my closet. pretty much my entire wardrobe is based upon horror movies because thats all my shirts are! there's a few junji ito shirts that ive had for a while but i love them so much. hopefully guttergarbs won't sell out of the black christmas tshirts before i can snag a few 😫

🐰 || i love minecraft so much and its currently one of my biggest hyperfixations!!! ARGS are up there too, along with youtube and creepypasta! i have (not yet diagnosed) autism that i'm trying to get a diagnosis for and adhd so its kind of hard living a normal life? or what is normal by standard. i have moments where i go nonverbal and sometimes i can only focus on what new youtube videos are out today. i have a very hard time staying focused and my friends often have to tell me to do so. i have a favorite youtuber that gives me a lot of comfort and i watch his videos to ground me. my immediate response to bad stuff is youtube. its kind of childish, but it's just me.

🌸 || anyways, tysm for having these open and giving me the chance to send one in!!! i really just infodumped there lol sorry if i got carried away i was very excited! hope you're having a wonderful day/night and take good care of yourself!!!

- bo! 🐰🐰

Shawty. Honey. Sweetheart. Sugar. Flour. Milk, eggs, 2 teaspoons of salt- Thank you so much for this ask!!! You are the first person to throw themselves out into the shark infested water and I really want to thank you from the bottom of my heart! I honestly expected no body to respond... so this was an awesome surprise. Hope you enjoy your matchup!! YOUR MATCHUP IS...

Denki Kaminari!!!!! *Insert cheering noises*

Kaminari was kinda just playin when he started flirting with you and stuff, BUT MAN. Catching feels???? Not expected in the slightest.

At first it had been more of a challenge thing for him; flirt with the cute quiet chick, but after talking with you for a while you opened up and he realized how many interesting things you had to say.

Y'all became texting at 1 am friends pretty soon, with him sharing memes and you sharing YouTube recs (he thinks you have really good taste) And bonding over what an awesome director Stanley Kubrick is but what an awful dude he is irl, and that creepypasta you read last night that you JUST HAVE TO SHARE BC DENKI WE ARE KEEPING THE NEXT STEPHEN KINGS IN THIS FANDOM I SWEAR-

When y'all start dating, he is just, so understanding of any times you go nonverbal or when you just aren't feeling up to life at the moment. He gets it. He will ask at the beginning of the relationship so he will know what to do if you're nonverbal at the moment and will follow your request through to a tee.

Sorry. So sorry, bc Kaminari has 14 different short jokes saved at any given moment, for any given situation. Totally gives head pats. oh yes get ready to be patted and to be the elbow rest.

HORRID HABIT of kissing your freckle. He thinks its adorable. (Thinks you're adorable-)

Thinks your cool!!! Soooooo cool. How much information can you fit in your brain????? THAT MUCH???????? OH MY GOD THAT IS SO COOL TELL ME ABOUT THE HISTORY OF TETRIS AGAIN

Not to be spicy.... but like... he honestly thinks your piercing and dyed hair is so sexy. Like. And he is not afraid to tell you too.

"..." "Denki?" "You look hot." "Uh... Thanks? Why'd you say that?" "Cause you look hot duh"

"Thank you????? love you???"

just showers you in love. And if you get harrassed or get called annoying, may god/jesus/allah/oprah/beyonce have mercy on their souls because Kaminari can and will vibe check them out of this plane of existence.

ughhh yall are so in love, get away from me people with happy relatonships eww

Thanks again for this, it was a whole lot of fun!!! Hope you like pikachu over here, thought you guys would mesh really well. :D

#mha matchup #bnha matchups #denki kaminari

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mokutone · 4 years

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yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all!

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be.

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into!

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor)

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

#lesbians4tenten #Tenzō #yamato #headcanons #kakashi says that so heavily bc both of them hate going to the hospital but blood tests are necessary for HRT usually #also kakashi is definitely trans as well. i have less headcanons about that bc i see him as like. Even More Private than yamato #(he hides 3/4 of his face. trans icon. also personal privacy icon.)#so like skdjghdskjhg him getting involved is not a moment of Concerned Cis Meddling but like. 'ghghhg this is bad. i gotta step in'#i hc that like he was one of those kids that by the time he was four he was like hey dad im a boy and sakumo was like. fuck ok!#i guess i got a son now!#yamato just did not think about it much #also while i see him having long hair as inherently him repressing his identity it has nothing to do with long hair being 'feminine'#esp bc most of the older men in naruto have long hair. sakumo j*raiya orochimaru madara the whole hyūga clan of men #but instead much more to do with. him repressing being tenzō in order to be kinoe for danzō #and if hashirama had long hair. and all he is is a weapon for hashiramas power to be used through. he too will have long hair.#its also why i wont draw yamato with long hair. while he is handsome with long hair...and an argument COULD be made for him reclaiming it #i feel like aesthetically it represents a return to a relationship he had with his body and with the idea of hashirama #that i am not interested in exploring #perhaps in sage mode it goes very long. and then he has a friend cut it off for him every time #that i could draw #ANYWAY I think everyone should have as many names as they want. you want to be called something? that's your name now congratulations #trans? cis? not sure? doesn't matter the world is your oyster and you can be called anything you want #if people dont respect that theyre jealous and being rude af lmao #image desc in alt text #for all thats worth

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huniebunny · 3 years

Note

Hi! I just followed and I realized your matchups are open may I please have a a creepypasta matchup only when you have time of course! :)

♡ My name is chavella but I like the nickname CC or koi!

♡ i am 18 years old

♡ my sexuality is bisexual but im not sure because I actually think im demisexual (sexuality is so confusing but fun to explore LOL)

♡ im nonbinary

♡ i have brown hair with bangs, my hairstyle is a wolfcut, I luv it so much.

My eye color is hazel but it has a dark brown at first, my hair was dirty blonde but it turned dark brown ;w;

♡ my outfits and appearance consistent of many different things, i mostly wear video game t-shirts when im out but when im going somewhere to eat i dress more gothic, I also wear rings and jewelry with my outfits! I change my outfits alot though it depends on my mood lolz

♡ my personality is usually chill iove helping others and I talk to those who.are close to me, though it takes me awhile to open up towards others im pretty stubborn as well, im ambiverted too.

♡ when I get angry oh jeez its like a fire you can't put out i hate being angry though it makes me feel bad and want to apologize for everything, like sometimes I say things I don't mean then the guilt happens like ughhh its complicated for me im too blunt to say certain things

♡ when im sad or low on energy I sometimes sleep alot or I listen to music all day, feeling more unmotivated like I did. Sometimes I need someone to bother me since I bother everyone else sometimes

♡ I make alot of jokes, I dont care if its bad puns or not ill still laugh at them, and yes I make memes to cope with pain

♡ im not really experienced with relationships i had very bad ones in the past so im just awkward all the time until I get comfortable

♡ my love language is quality time and giving gifts!

♡ I play alot of video games like the retro ones but new games are really cool too.

I like to listen to anykind of music, I live for music basically.

♡ I like to learn new things and experience outside of the world like traveling, I want to go to Paris someday it'll make me very happy! I also love to read books when I have time and maybe do gardening as well

♡ my favorite colors are maroon, dark pink, forest green, dark purple and plain black

♡ i love animals especially cats & bunnies!

♡ ermmm thats all I can think of for now but if you need anymore info let me know! :DD

You’re Matched With…

Ben Drowned!!!

What's your relationship to them?

How did you meet?

Ben was just fucking around with a few random computers when he noticed one of your playlists popped up. He peeked in your room through your device and saw you laid across your bed. He grinned and changed the song to one of his favorites, watching as you turned over in confusion to change it back. This happened a few more times before he popped out to introduce himself.

First impressions?

He peeks through your device often to watch you live your life. He likes your style, especially the retro game t-shirts.

General Dynamic:

It actually takes a while for Ben to really talk to you after that first meeting. But he often fucks around with your devices to rile you up.

Whenever you say something you didn’t mean and realize it was him, he pops his head out laughing and grinning because he loves fucking with you.

You never have to worry about being mad around him; he can take whatever you got like a champ.

During one time of digging through your files, he finds that you wanted to travel around. So he zips through to Paris and nabs a souvenir that he leaves on your bedside table. Through, totally legit means, yeah….

Every so often, he leaves a little message on your device to remind you to at least take care of yourself on your low-bones days.

Whenever he has more free time than usual, he spends it with you, playing the newest games (that he still got through legitimate means, thank you) as well as old ones that he used to enjoy.

He still plays one of his favorites on your playlist, but smiles to himself when he finds that you just listen to it instead of changing the song back.

TMI:

When he had the first signs of love towards you, he didn’t know what was going on. He checked for viruses or if he was his version of “sick”, but none of it. You just make him incredibly flustered.

He couldn’t just confront you about it. You’d try to “help” and he was pretty sure that would only make things worse.

He accidentally let it slip when he watched you rage at a level you were stuck on. His face went both red and green in his embarrassment and humiliation and hid away in your device to avoid answering you.

After you both settled on a casual, but exclusive relationship, he eventually got back to normal. He liked being around you, and a change in dynamics isn’t going to stop that just yet.

But, now he peeked into your room for ultimately new reasons now. After all, as your boyfriend, he should get some special benefits of having access to your devices.

He manages to convince Puppeteer to enchant a plushie of your favorite fictional animal and he leaves it on your bed for you to find later.

Other notes:

Ben is such a tease, but he loves you regardless! He’s absolutely willing to spoil you with gifts and spend as much time as he could with you.

#hunie speaks #matchups #creepypasta matchups #ben drowned #ben drowned x reader

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theravencawsatmidnight · 3 years

Text

Draco Malfoy x Half Muggle Fem Reader

Pt 2

Angst. Friends > enemies> lovers

Reader is transferring into Hogwarts for her 6th year. Completely missing the ‘magical experience’ the school has to offer. She is lost at the train station. No supplies, nothing. Not even sorted into a House. Lucious Malfoy spots her and notices something interesting about the girl. He instructs his son to mess with her out of amusement . Draco is reluctant at first but comes around, only to find out what had his father so interested.

Tags. @khemz1312 @squeaky-ducky

Draco was running his thumb along the seam of the hat following its pattern, it was indeed quiet without you talking his ear off. He still did not know why his father wanted him to help you so bad. This was a very new experience for him either way, Draco Malfoy was not one to help someone else let alone give them his time of day. The man looked down watching you sleep without a care in the world, surely you were a Ravenclaw or a Hufflepuff, definitely not a Slytherin.

Only a few people passed his area while on the train ride, he was all the way in the last cart so no one would bother him. The people who did come by got dirty looks from him, in return he got a giggle . It took him a few minutes to realize it was because he had an actual person on his arm snuggling it close with a happy smile. The Draco Malfoy.. Letting some girl use him as a pillow. Damn girl, once he got to Hogwarts he was ditching you.

The train took a turn swaying the train and waking you up; you rubbed your eyes to see Draco looking out the window with your hat on his lap. “Mmhh..” you whimpered out, getting his attention. Draco rolled his eyes glancing down at you to see you giving him a happy grin and finally freeing his arm to sit up right . “i fell asleep?” you asked him.

“Yes. on me. “ he put the hat back on you and you pouted at him when he put it down over your eyes.

“Im sorry Mr. Draco.” you told him, trying to fix the hat but Draco just held it down.

“And stop calling me that.”

“But..!! let go!!” you raised your hands trying to fight his grip on the hat.

“Only if you stop calling me Mr Draco.”

“Fine!!”

Draco let the hat go and flicked your forehead. “Good.” he leaned back in his booth laying his leg over the other and turning his attention back to the window, fingers folded over his lap.

You looked all around the train seeing a girl pass by , she seemed to be looking for someone. “Whos that?” you asked the man, tugging his sleeve.

Draco looked then returned his attention to the window. “Just Hermine, probably looking for Pottah..”

“Wanna help her look?” you were getting up and Draco grabbed your wrist sitting you back down.

“What's wrong? Maybe she needs help.”

“If..”.. Why did he stop you.? Why… ? “you come right back here after, understand?”

“Yep!” with a hop you got up exiting the cart to go catch the worried girl leaving Draco to roll his eyes and be hard on himself. “As if i care, i dont care. Pottah is more suited for …. Friends then i am. I dont need anyone”

“Talking to yourself boy?” Lucious said from the entrance . Draco straightened out in his seat as his father closed the door behind him. “We have something to discuss. It was supposed to be at Diagon Alley but..” he took his wand out gesturing to his sons sleeve. “Its time you became like me, boy.”

“Hey hey!!! Hermine!” you yelled and the girl turned around seeing you.

“Oh hello!”

“Hi ! im y/n, nice to meet you, im a transfer!”

“A transfer? You sound american too, thats quite interesting, it since to meet you too !”

“I saw you by the end carts .. were you looking for someone ? do you need help?”

Hermine shook her head sighing. “Those damn boys are off on their own again. The end carts? That was you huh ? with Draco?”

“Yep!” you said all happy . “hes been awesome! Helped me out in the Dragon Alley , i got my wand and books! And i ate a frog!”

“Dragon.. Oh you mean Diagon Alley.. And he did..? Really?”

“Yes! He was a little moody but he was super nice to me , even let me fall asleep on his arm.”

Hermine wanted to laugh , she would have loved to see Draco be dragged around Diagon Alley and have someone sleep on him. “Thats great, hilarious even.”

Just then the two missing boys came into the area through the door. “There you are!” Hermine gave each of them a heavy stare.

“We got lost…” the red head said.

“Our chocolate frog got lose.” the glasses one said.

Hermine rolled her eyes moving to the side. “Well i found them.” she told you. “ and these two troublemakers are Ron and Harry, boys this is y/n, shes a transfer”

“Hello!!!” you waved to both of them.

“Pleasure to meet you y/n, if you have any questions about Hogwarts let me know.” Harry told you while Ron just kinda waved awkwardly.

“ i will!! But i think i should get back to Draco, he told me to come right back. Bye!!!” you took off leaving Harry shocked.

“Did..did that girl just say Draco?”

“I think so.. She must be mad?” Ron questioned.

Hermine took them both to a empty cart. “Ill explain, you'll love this.”

You had returned just as Lucious was leaving, almost bumping into him.

“Oh im sorry!” you said with your hands up.

“... “ the man walked away not saying anything and you joined Draco again by his side.

“Im back!”

“Are you? He flicked your forehead again. “Did you find Pottah?”

“Oh they found me ! a Ron too ! Hermine seems really nice. Is she also your friend?” you asked him while rubbing your forehead.

“No”

“But w-”

“I dont need friends, Weasel”

“But..” you took his hand in yours giving the man a slight scare.

“But what? You think we are friends? This again?” he yanked his hand away looking out the window

You put your hat on him and Draco flipped out grabbing your wrist holding it up. “What are you doing !?”

You giggled, wrapping your arm around his. “Friends give each other nicknames”

“Oh do they? Whats mine?” he asked you , resting his hand on your thigh hoping you would not notice.

“ Mr Draco!”

“Bloody hell…”

“Heheh!!! So i win, we are friends. And if im your only friend then ill be the bestest friend youve ever had!”

“I think i'm going to be sick”

“Oh no! Do you need help?” you got up “ill go -!”

He sat you back down putting the hat on you over your eyes. “Just.. just stay still . and stop talking …”

Draco told himself over and over and over and over … the whole way to Hogwarts as a matter of fact. That he was going to ditch you once he got there. Well he got there .. but..

After the professors get her up to speed ill ditch her…

After getting her classes ill ditch her….

After the sorting ill ditch her….

“Slytherin!!!!” yelled the joyus sorting hat.

“...................................”

“Draco!” you jumped down from the stage into his arms, he nearly didn't catch you.

“Oof!!! Off off!!!

You pouted at the angry man getting down but still giving him a happy smile. “I'm with you ! “

Draco rubbed between his eyes and heard Snape behind him . “She needs you, Malfoy. Protect her.”

“I'd rather die” he spat back, looking at the man from the corner of his eye. Snape said nothing, he moved back to the sorting hat leaving him with you. “Ugn , come on now.” he took your wrist yanking you out of the huge hallway. “Now i need to show you the dorms and give you the password”

“A password?! Can we be roommates!?”

“No”

“Sleepovers?!”

“...”

You hugged his arm on all the way to the dorms. Draco got you settled in under his floor and told you the password for the dorms. - he had to write it down and help you pronounce it- then he was about to leave.

“Where ya goin? Can i go ?”

“No, ill be back later. Go find something to occupy yourself.” he slammed the door and left you there looking confused.

“Occupy.. Myself?” a few broomsticks flew by catching your attention and you got the biggest smile on your face looking very excited.

Meanwhile.. Draco was up on the top floor of the castle uncovering a rather large magical item...it was the Vanishing Cabinet.

#.FoolishFic #draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco 😤

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argumentl · 3 years

Text

The Freedom of Expression Ep 49 - Ioka Kazuto's New Years Eve tattoo problem.

K: Hi, this is Dir en grey's Kaoru with this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome again this week.

T: What is the celebratory sake for?

K: Well, this is our first recording of the new year..

J: Yes

T: Happy New Year

J: Happy New Year. By the time this is broadcast it will already be well into January though.

K: Yes, so..for good luck.

J: Ah, that would be welcome....but Im not gonna drink it.

K: Why?

J: Um, I've said this a few times before, but my resolution for 2021 is to not go so crazy when drinking alcohol, to not get too carried away.

T: Hahaha

J: I've already decided on it.

K: Don't you always say that?

J: No, no, no. Um, recently...was it on the 27th? After the live broadcast? I left afterwards with Tasai.

T: Oh, yeah.

J: We left together, we got a taxi. Then when I arrived home, it was about 2am, right? When I tried to get in my house, I didn't have my keys.

T, K: Eh?!

T: Really??

J: I didn't have my keys..what could I do? I think i actually left them somewhere before i arrived here, and I hadn't been drinking before that. But in the end, I went to a hotel in my neighborhood...like, please let me stay here, I'll pay so please let me stay. So, I woke up the next day and called the real estate agent to ask if they had a spare key..they didn't. They said they'd given all the keys to me. So, I called around a few other places, and by about lunch time I managed to get hold of a key. But I had to go and do a live radio broadcast in this kind of messed up state, so..

T: Eh?!

J: Well, I mean, it wasn't the fault of alcohol this time, but I have lost my pocket wifi before while I was drunk, and my glasses...and Im constantly telling dirty jokes while drunk...so this year..., well, I will drink alcohol, but Im not gonna go wild.

T: Hahaha

K: Thats impossible!

J, T: Hahaha

Kami: Joe san, Joe san...

J: Oh, Kami? What is it? Kami's here.

Kami: Joe, you've become a boring guy.

J, T: Hahaha

Kami: You're trying to play it safe.

J: No, no, no. Can I really carry on? Drinking and going crazy this year too?

Kami: You need to be free. Please don't hold yourself back.

J: Haha

T: When we were going home in the taxi, you said, 'I think I've messed up'...

J: I was doing a bit of self-reflecting.

T: Your true voice slipped out.

J: I think it did.

K: What? Why, what happened again?

T: Yeah, what was it again?

J: Well, I think it was me just going a bit wild. It felt like I got carried away.

T: You felt that in yourself?

J: Well, I do, don't I? When I drink alcohol?

K: Well, yeah.

J: Kaoru, we've done a lot of events together, right?

K: Yeah, most of the time I'm like, 'Joe, calm down!'

J: And Im supposed to be the moderator!

T: You change places!

J: Right!

K: Also, he had to read out things written in Katakana and stuff, but he couldn't read the difficult words*1

J: There are a few reasons for that. After I've had a drink, I can't read difficult kanji, and also I have bad eyesight. Katakana has loads of spaces in it, right?

T: Maybe we should have let Tasai do it.

T: Yeah, I should have done the reading.

J: Kanji just turns into clumps.

K: Ok, well, today...Tasai, could you get us started?

T: Yes, this is about the big match on last New Years Eve. Its boxing news. It was the WBO super flyweight title match between Ioka Kazuto and Tanaka Kōsei. Ioka won the match, but this news deals with a slightly different aspect. Ioka's tattoos were visible during the match. The boxing commission have said this is a violation of the rules, and are considering imposing a penalty. Questions have been arising on social media like, 'Isn't this a mistake?', and, 'What about individual freedom?' Did you watch the match, Kaoru?

K: No, I didn't, but I saw it on the news.

T: Yeah. And, Ioka had actually covered his tattoos with foundation to hide them before getting in the ring, but sweating made the foundation come off.

J: I see.

T: So, its become a bit of a talking point, what to think about this.

K: This isn't the first time he's done this, right? He covered his tattoos before in other fights?

T: Yeah, to stop the foundation coming off he...

K: But foundation?...can you really hide them with foundation?

J: Haha, yeah, maybe not. They are too solid. So, he went ino the ring without foundation this time?

T: No, he had it on, but it came off with sweat.

J: Wouldn't that happen anyway?

K: If it did, that means its come off everytime up to now.

J: Right? Its not like its only come off this time. Its hard to understands why the JBC are raising this problem only now?

T: Well, its in the rules. The rules for matches are...in the rulebook, Match management section 4, conditions for boxers article 86, it says for things that make spectators feel uncomfortable, such as tattoos...if a boxer has tattoos, they must not appear in the ring.

J: Oh, thats written?

T: Yes, thats written in the rules. There have been cases in the past of boxers getting tattoos surgically removed in order to be able to compete in the ring.

J: Im not sure about this. Feeling uncomfortable just by seeing a tattoo...?

K: Regular people do though, don't they?

J: Do they?

K: Not people like us here, regular people are different.

J: Haha, of course.

K: But its Japanese people...foreigners have seen tattoos as pretty normal for quite a long time.

J: Right. Their police even have tattoos.

K: But we havn't got there in Japan yet. They are still thought of as scary. Even me, if I see someone with tattoos walk in, I don't say anything to them, but I do notice and look at them if they have tattoos.

J: Well..

K: You look though, right?

J: Well, I would think 'oh, they have tattoos'.

K: Yeh, but you would say ????*2

J: Well...

K: You would!

J: Would I? But...this is boxing, right? The spectators have come to watch people hitting each other.

K: Well, yeah, thats right.

J: For example, if a kabuki actor suddenly revealed tattoos all over their body, I have a feeling it wouldn't go down well with people who are going to see traditional arts, but if they are going to see people punching each other, would they be that bothered about tattoos?

K: Its because the rules havn't changed since a long time ago.

J: Yeah. Hmm, Im not sure about this. What's it like overseas?

T: Its totally fine overseas.

J: Its ok, right?

K: They don't mind if foreigners have them.

J: Ah, foreign boxers with tattoos are allowed to fight in Japan?

T: Yes.

K: So I think this is good. It could change how we do things *3

J: Yeah, it creates a stir, because there are quite a lot of people who know about this old rule. Um, even at events and stuff (I MC at a lot of events), some guests are instructed to wear long sleeeves when they attend. This is what Japan is like with tattoos.

T: But I think I read somwhere that the NBA also has the rule to cover tattoos. Like, they will wear armbands and stuff to cover them.

K: Even in baseball, the Giants have banned facial hair.

J: Have they?

T: The Giants have an unwritten code, let me think who had a beard....do you remember Ogasawara Michihiro/Gatz?

J: Oh yeah, the left handed player?

T: Yeah, when he joined the Giants he shaved it all off etc. That type of thing still happens, even now. Have a look next time the Giants play, none of them have facial hair.

J: I don't think foreign players will like these rules that Japanese have. This seems like its against the Constitution. It really does.

Kami: Its discrimination, right?

J: Yes, I agree.

Kami: Nishinari people are sensitive to discrimination.

J: Yeah, I mean, if they are gonna have this rule, they should ban tattoos for everyone in boxing, but to say its ok for foreign boxers but not Japanese ones.. its a bit...

Kami: Its unconstitutional. Its discrimination.

J: Yeh, I think its discrimination. But looking at some of the comments, some say that although its written in the rules, it can't be helped these days.

Kami: Its not fair though, letting Ioka get this incredible win, and then afterwards saying, actually, no.

T: Yes, thats right.

Kami: When I was younger I won at pachinko..

J: Haha, all of a sudden..

Kami: I had quite a babyface, and would get mistaken for being underage. They never said anything to me when I lost...

T: But when you handed in your tickets they told you no because you're underage?

Kami: Yeah, yeah. Even though they said nothing to me when I was losing. Its like they come to stop you after you start winning.

T: I see.

Kami: They will take all the benefits, but when it starts to get unfavorable...I sense that unfairness.

T: Ah, yeh. Well, its true that the boxing commission already knew that Ioka had tattoos. And they asked him to take part.

J: Yeah. Its not like he got the tattoos right before this match.

T: Thats right. Incidentally, he got this particular tattoo in America in 2018, September, to show resovle and determination for his comeback fight. And this time, he has also added his son's name as if to say 'lets fight together'.

J: Oh, thats a nice meaning....Sue them!

T: Sue them?

J: Yes, Tokyo Sports should sue them.

T: Why just us? haha. We should together.

J: ???*4

K: I wonder how this will turn out though.

J: Yeah. Is Ioka following the boxing commission then?

T: He is still waiting to see what they decide.

J: Ah, ok.

T: He is still waiting for their judgment.

J: So like, it will depend on the level of punishment he gets.

K: They'll just say its the rules.

T: In that case, he might just go to America, if he can't fight any matches in Japan.

J: Well, yeah.

T: I think this would be a bigger problem if it happened outside the ring. But its happened within the ring. Its still a fact that tattoos are seen as scary in this culture.

K: It seems so to me, speaking as a person who has tattoos.

J: Thats what you have felt from experience?　Exactly.

K: But you could say that he knew this when he got the tattoos. He knew they would tell him to stop.

T: Like, boxers definitely understand this.

K: He knows it, but he is still appearing in the ring, so if he has determination and resolve, its great. If he doesn't, its no surprise if he gets complaints.

J, T: I see.

J: Well, considering he did try to hide it, but the covering just came off, I wonder what will happen. Its not like he can wear clothes over it, right?

K: He could have put tape on it.

J: Oh, right, you can hide it like that too?

T: Yeah, there might be something like skin coloured tape.

J: Kami, can we have a last word from you on this?

Kami: Well, whatever the rules, making them only apply to Japanese is strange, right?

J: Well, yes, thats true. We'll have to keep a look out for what happens with this from now on.

K: Well, yeh.

T: To see how it develops, yeh.

K: Yeah. Kami seemed a bit lacking in vitality today, didn't he?

J: Yeah, he seems down. Kami, did something happen to you at new year time?

Kami: No, no, Im fine! Don't I sound it?

K: You sound like you are lacking a bit of punch.

J: With it being boxing, you'd expect him to have more 'punch'.

K: He just seemed a bit...regular.

J: Yeah.

Kami: Regular? haha.

K: He's laughing, haha.

T, J: Haha

J: The staff are making me laugh.

K: Ok, shall we finish here for today?

J: Yes

K: Ok, please subscribe. Thank you very much.

*1, 3 Not sure this is right.

*2, 4 Couldn't make out

#dir en grey #the freedom of expression #tfoe #kaoru #薫

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shattered-catalyst · 4 years

Text

Intro to OCD for the RPC part 1/?

This is a balmy 6 page document on the VERY BASICS of OCD by a person who has had OCD for over 15 years and knows their shit.

If you want to write a character who has OCD this series is going to be a good starting point. If you dont know much about OCD I encourage you to read it so you can be an ally to those of us who have the disorder.

OCD is made into a cultural joke and when there isnt the ‘Obsessive Cat disorder’ bullshit its an angst off with other people and their non-ocd intrusive thoughts. Its different. Do your research and be an ally.

This will cover the very very basics. The next post will look into subtypes of OCD and how those are experienced.

Whomst can write it?

Literally anyone as long as you

● Do so respectfully and not make a mockery of the disorder and the harm it causes in peoples lives

● Dont make OCD the characters single thing or boil them down to it entirely ● Do respect the experiences and opinions of muns who have the disorder if they have concerns about your portrayal.

● Dont milk it for angst - unless you have OCD in which case release some of your angst.

● Dont try and say you know what intrusive thoughts are because they have *insert any other neuro a-typical thing here*

● Dont police how Muns who have OCD choose to portray it. Its our experience not yours. I like to write out my characters OCD as I experience OCD so my experiences are different from other muns. OCD is very diverse in its effects but always ask if you arent sure.

. What isnt OCD?

● Cleanliness or organization- OCD is NEVER an adjective.

● Planning/ Hypervigilance/Organized/Methodical

● Turning light switches on and off, unplugging things (find out more on later time)

● “I have to organize my pencils otherwise it bothers me” “ I have to make sure my mattress is straight” “ my nails have to be the same length” are all typical responses from people WHO DO NOT have OCD.

● Making sure objects are lined up neatly

● Having things go in a particular order like the letters CDO as the joke goes

● Really loving Cats, Corgis, or Christmas; if you own any of these items i urge you to reflect and also send me 10$ (jk but do reflect)

The Barest minimum

Google OCD this will be an advanced version of OCD. This will be long but if you want to be aware of others or want to write the character you will read it.

OCD is made of Obsessions. Triggers. Anxiety, Compulsions/Rituals.

1. Obsessions are the thoughts

2. Triggers are the object/person/image/situation/smell ETC

3. The Anxiety occurs is at uncomfortable levels to the point of panic or anxiety attacks

4. Compulsions or Rituals are performed

*There is a variant of OCD called Pure O. In this individuals have the obsessions triggers and anxiety but there is NO compulsion or ritual. This is still valid OCD.

Obsessions are the precursors to the flawed unwanted and harmful intrusive thoughts:

Im going to use you so you really understand this because its important.If you misunderstand this you are basically encouraging a mental health condition and dont get a sticker for reading this far.

First check out this link as it has ALL the subtypes and examples.

Obsessions can be hidden by the intrusive thought and teasing them out can be difficult to do if you have the disorder because well its a disorder okay thats why. It boils down to ‘i could harm someone’ ‘i could cause harm’ ‘ i may have accidentally harmed ___’ ‘ i may accidentally harm’ etc

This is the flawed powerful belief that predate the Intrusive Thought.

Intrusive thoughts appear in every brain on earth. They are not special or unusual however intrusive thoughts with OCD get stuck in the brain- meaning they stay there no matter what you do. So yes , they are different from intrusive thoughts in other conditions.

The thing about OCD is that it latches on to what you hold dear; it may be you are a caring person and love children and animals- your OCD would give you intrusive violent or sexual thoughts or images. These are horrible to experience. They are not welcome nor appreciated and there is no benefit or positive side to having them.

If say social justice is something you hold dear your ocd may take the form of intrusive thoughts of slurs, jokes, visuals etc. These are horrible to experience and lead to high levels of anxiety and are not positive nor beneficial to have in any way shape or form.

Maybe you would not harm someone or you value others; your OCD may present as graphic intrusive images or thoughts around poisoning, stabbing,accidental..ly murdering (yeah you read that right), hitting, insulting etc someone else

I must emphasize this because it is critical that people understand POCD: for the sake of those of us who have OCD read this until its burned into your brain.

This is the fucked up awful Obsessive thought that you are/were/ or could be sexually attracted to children. This is NOT pedophilia. People kill themselves over this because they are afraid that these intrusive thoughts are true. People isolate themselves and dont have families out of fear of harming a child. People take work in different fields or avoid areas with children out of the absolute terror their obsessive thoughts could be true. This is NOT pedophilia. There is NO attraction present.

Most people who experience POCD intrusive thoughts would rather punch a sharknado than even THINK of hurting a kid in any way shape or form. That is why the OCD does its thing it is like having an abusive brain.

Again for clarity's sake

If you value social justice -> the intrusive thoughts violate social justice stuff

If you value animals -> intrusive thoughts come up with harming animals

If you care about the protection and safety of children -> POCD

Triggers would be the situation, scenario, object, person,creature, context etc that is related to the Obsession. It can be literally anything.

What follows is a hell of a lot of anxiety that can range anywhere from discomfort to full on panic attacks.

Everyone has different intrusive thoughts and everyone experiences different amounts of distress upon being triggered.

● As a side bar. Do not ever try and expose someone to their triggers or write about a character being exposed to their triggers as a way to help ‘cure them’ or ‘expose them’ to ANYTHING. What you are doing is literally taking someone with a mental illness and shoving them into a breakdown and thats a piece of shit move. Exposure therapy does exist and is done by professionals TRAINED in ERP. My parents did this a lot and I am positive I am not alone in that experience.

Compulsions or Rituals: Now you may be saying ‘hey i know what those are’ yeah dude me too and I have had ocd for over 15 years and trained in mental health for 7 and guess what. They teach ya wrong.

Compulsions or ‘rituals’ are any behavior done to alleviate the anxiety from the intrusive thought and trigger object.

This can be as passive as ‘i am leaving the room’ ‘ i am checking my body sensations’ ‘ i am trying SO HARD TO HEAR MY HEARTBEAT’ .

It can also be repeating the same thing over and over. To illustrate this I once mentally chanted the same song lyric line on a 3 hour plane ride because otherwise we were all going to die. I took one for the whole team.

It can be somatic things like counting your heart beats, focusing on your breathing, swallowing, staring and not blinking for so many seconds.

It can be readjusting clothing until the seams fit. It can be checking god yes checking IK its a common trope but it IS a compulsion that has ruined my life and can be as passive as checking my reality or texting for proof my cat is still alive. It can also be checking yourself for assurance you wouldnt do the intrusive thought or that the intrusive thought isnt going to happen.

Compulsions are mentally painful and sometimes physically painful;

● Washing your hands with scalding water for 5+ minutes can lead to horribly dry and cracking skin to down right BURNS.

● If you do the same movement you can mess up joints and ligaments. So if you pray constantly you may have knee issues from standing and kneeling.

● If your compulsion has you doing movement against an object ie say gripping and regripping something you get callouses.

● If you compulsively exercise you may get trapped doing something above a healthy amount or say going from not working out to running a five minute mile and wiping out on a treadmill because your brain demanded it. Totally didnt do that...

● If your compulsions make you rub against any object you can get friction burns and scars.

To put this in perspective 15 years of compulsions have left my hands and finger joints a complete mess, damaged my arm tendons, friction scars on my arms that only now faded, and scars on my legs from doing too much of an activity.

Its not lmao I gotta fix these pencils its real agony and real torture.

In short compulsions and rituals are not fun they are absolutely not logical, and we know they are not logical but we are forced to do them. Thats why its a disorder.

OCD disrupts relationships with social components such as ;

Obsessively checking in with partner/friend if things are ‘okay’ (this feels horrible to do too fyi like you KNOW things are fine but you cant NOT because the anxiety is SO BAD),

Relationship OCD is a WHOLE category itself! this ties into sexuality OCD where your obsessive thoughts prey on your sexuality (regardless of your orientation), your relationship, cheating or being disloyal etc.

OCD causes significant withdrawal from others, fears of being a monster, intense guilt over intrusive thoughts, disgust with yourself over the intrusive thoughts sometimes leading to self punishment.

OCD leads to strange behavior which more often than not leads to bullying and ostracization. To exemplify this I have an intrusive thought that I have stolen something when I am inside stores, my check-check-check-check-check-recheck! of my pockets gets me store security called so often its criminal.

OCD limits activities that may expose them to triggers or influenced by intrusive thoughts ie: not being able to take the train to work or only getting off at bus stops with even numbers.

OCD impacts where they spend time, who they associate with, what jobs they take or even if they have a family or not

OCD leads to overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame, and fear over having intrusive thoughts or images that they experience which causes them to socially isolate or have difficulty in social situations.

OCD leads to Hyperfixation: like a lot of other things but thankfully it is just hyperfixation and not different from other diagnoses.

OCD leads to rigidity or structured routines: I have listened to the same CD in my car for 5 years now. Every single day. 5 Years.And Im not okay with that.

OCD impacts standards we hold ourselves to and others: its like regular perfectionism but like add on 5 extra layers of anxiety!

OCD according to NIMH statistics

1.2% Occurrence among US adults

2.3% Lifetime Prevalence among US adults

34.8% Of Adults who have OCD suffer moderate impairment to daily functioning 50.6% of Adults who have OCD suffer serious impairment to daily functioning

OCD has strong co-morbidity with the following:

Tourettes Syndrome- is a genetic friend of OCD and if you have tourettes or OCD your chances of having someone else in the family is high

ADHD

Autism

GAD

Eating Disorders

Depression - this is a big one along with low self esteem because of the intrusive thoughts

Writers like to make jokes about characters “being OCD” well now they have clinical OCD and you should consider fleshing out your character with this information just as you would any other disorder.

Batman (DC)

Riddler (?)(DC)

Domino (Marvel)

Cyclops (Marvel)

#this took a lot of emotional energy and i am now terrified

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pizzaboat · 4 years

Text

So I've seen alot of people give their theory's and opinions on what's going to happen to Lilith in season 2 of the owl house, whether or not she's forgiven, where she's going to stay and how she'll act I guess, and the major thing being if she's redeemed or how redeemed she is.

I'm just going to throw my own thoughts out there and say that obviously there's still alot to do with her character. I also have no intention of bashing her character, I actually enjoy when she's on screen. I do like her but she's still problematic. So buckle up this is a long one.

To get my thoughts straight I'll break what I have to say down into parts, cause I get distracted easily.

First up im going to say I think she is far from redeemed. My impression of her is that she regrets cursing her sister, but she also finds some sort of sick pride in it too, as shown in agony of a witch when she screams " then why were you so easy to curse!?".

She also has no problem hurting literal children to get what she wants either, but that's another issue I'll discuse.

Lilith seems to resent her younger sister to an extreme, unhealthy degree. I could sit here and theorise about her child-hood and teen years wondering what could have created such insecurities in her, but im not going to. That is irrelevant to the point im trying to make. What's important to keep in mind though is that she was "perfect prissy Lilith"- the covention growing up, Eda was good at almost everything, and that Lilith cursed Eda to secure a spot in the emperors coven when Lilith was 18-19 and Eda was 16-17.

Is she redeemed ?

No i don't think she is even half way there. She cursed Eda in her sleep to win a fight. Lied for over thirty years to Eda about that curse. Mocked Eda for the symptoms of a curse she put on her "Why don't you go home and rest wouldn't want you breaking hip"- sense and insensitivity . she kidnapped Luz to use her against her sister, used Luz as a human meat shield in her and Eda's battle during agony of a witch, was generally quite rude to Luz when she wasn't dangling her over a pit of spikes, and also SPIKES.

Taking on half of a curse she put on her sister in the first place doesn't begin to cover the trauma and pain she's caused in the name of healing her sister, enforcing the emperors laws and joining said emperors coven.

I would also like to point out that she had a way to elevate her sisters pain all this time but she didn't. I've seen arguments like she trusted the emperor to heal her sister but I can already point out so many things wrong with that.

even if she did trust him, no normal person could sit by and watch any family member they claim to care about suffer, if she trusted the emperor so much she would have split the curse sooner, (providing Eda would have let her of course) and had him heal her or Eda both.

But she didn't do that she lied to her sister for years, partly because she was scared of losing Eda and also Eda's reaction which was, and would always be unbridalled rage. but also to an extent it suited her, it suited her to be the successful sibling, the sibling doing things "right" Lilith seems to be as I said before extremely insecure, and I think that just going off the episodes she was in and the impression the show puts forward.

If what I've noticed is correct, Lilith has spent her life in her sisters shadow, bullied in school as revealed in the end of something ventured something framed, nobody took her seriously due to her appearance and probably being a late bloomer in a lot of ways. She would have jumped at the chance to be given the same respect that Eda and other talented witches or well off, higher up witches recieved.

In other words the emperors coven fed Liliths' battered ego, telling her what she wanted to hear.

It makes sense that she wouldn't want to let that go, but in the context of what has happened and the fact she seemed to still try and stick with the emperors coven before Belos sent her to be executed along with eda and king.

She isn't redeemed, she probably doesn't see much wrong with how she's behaved up until now(besides cursing Eda) and there's still alot of work for her to do. She only split half the curse because her expulsion from the coven forced her to address a mistake she made for once.

Season 2 and maybe more seasons looks like where she'll be earning her redemption. Hopefully she'll be forced to face more of her flaws and short comings and work on them.

Will she be forgiven?

Lilith from what has been shown has hurt;

Eda Luz, King, Amity, Willow and Gus. They all have different reasons to be hostile towards her.

Eda

She cursed Eda and almost subjected her to a faith worse than death, lied to her, mocked her. Kidnapped her apprentice and almost got Luz killed a number of times,using her as a sheild. She dragged Luz into the whole messed up rivalry. I don't think Eda will forgive her emediatly, after all, even if she can forgive Lilith for what she did to her, she would also have to forgive her for what she did to Luz.

She essentially kidnapped Edas' surrogate daughter, Eda was much angrier about Luz's suffering than her own "you hurt luz, you cursed me. before anything turns me to stone I'm going to tear you apart!" - young blood, old souls

Yeah Eda was fit to murder her sister, taking some of the curse probably only got rid of her homicidal desire towards Lilith, thats it.

Luz

I've seen some people make fan content in which Luz immediately forgives Lilith or comes round eventually to her when Lilith acts nice around the house.

That seems super out of character for Luz, sure Luz is characterised to be kind and sweet but if the final proves anything its that she has a ruthless streak that comes out when she tries to protect the people she loves, her family. Lilith has threatened the people she cares about. I don't see Luz letting that slide, and she would probably still be on guard. Luz may have accepted her help in young blood old souls, but that was only because she wanted to save Eda she told Lilith she didn't like her "whole deal" and she meant it.

Lilith would have to prove she's really changed for the better for luz to begin to for give her.

King

I like the idea of King and Lilith becoming friends simply for comedy perposes, if King were to forgive her and I think he'd be one of the closest to it out of the main characters.

They'd be a force of sheer stupidity and ego they'd be bad and good for each other, King weirdly enough would be more emotionally mature since he's learned things like you can't be posesive over people in really small problems it's a lesson Lilith needs to learn since she seems to resent Luz to an extent, thinking Luz was taking her sister from her "Edalyn is with her family, her real family. Go back to your world human this one is ours" - agony of a witch

Of course before this she needs to also earn his forgiveness, he wasn't there for agony of a witch but he did experience the fear and worry of losing eda in young blood, old souls the only person he had up until then was Eda " King and I, we don't have much in this world. we only have each other"- A lying witch and a Warden. Lilith helping rescue Eda might have helped improve his opinion of her, but Lilith would have to get over herself first to begin her redemption.

Hooty

I don't think Hooty would hold a grudge, mostly because he's comic relief and weird. Since I personally think no one in the owl house would be bothering with her, and I see her being forced to live In the shed. I think Hooty would be her only company and I think it would be unexpected and really funny if he's the first person/bird thing to open her eyes to her awful behaviour. You gotta start somewhere and Hooty is it.

Amity, Gus and Willow

I think Gus and Willow will be stand-offish until Luz and King forgive Lilith.

Once Lilith has developed more as a person she owes Amity an apology for how she behaved as a teacher. Amity would be mad after the covention episode, but almost killing her crush would make her protective of Luz, and wary of her in general.

Conclusion

Lilith hasn't been redeemed in my opinion, there's still alot of growth she needs to go through, she's made alot of terrible mistakes and decisions, its what makes her so interesting. I like her but she's a sh*t person, but she can learn to be less of a sh*t person.

I'm aware this is a kids show and she probably won't get all this development or she could get different character development and that would be awesome, its just my thoughts and opinions and I'm really excited for season 2.

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hamphobicbasil · 3 years

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different anon, as someone who technically is still a dsmp fan (although at this point i consider myself more a fan of some specific streamers who happen to be on the smp, and haven't watched a dsmp storyline stream since january), everything you said makes complete and total sense. i don't fully agree with every point made, but i agree with most of them, and honestly that -- combined with. y'know. actual person dream being revealed to be... Like That -- are probably main reasons behind my growing disinterest in the server itself. i still really like some of the creators, but. the story's degradation combined with some of the creators i don't like getting steadily worse... i really don't care about the server anymore.

but as someone who has kept up with the more current stuff, i can just say that. basically everyone is cheating off of wilbur's storyline homework in some way or another. quackity's current thing with las nevadas is being regarded as him "drawing parallels" between him and wilbur's character arc, and with wilbur being revived it's being seen as him being a character foil -- i do not think these people know what a narrative foil is, because it's not just a carbon copy -- but in all honesty he's just doing pogtopia wilbur v2. the egg arc has been "resolved" technically, but it less got resolved and more just petered out and died pathetically after a genuinely really good stream (red banquet) where they set up interesting things. it's just. done now.

techno seems to be incapable of allowing his character to develop whatsoever. he never lets his character suffer, never lets him hurt, and even outside of the monotone acting his character never loses anything. he's invincible and that doesn't seem set to change. even now, when he got tricked into being trapped in the prison, he made it clear that his character isn't even remotely bothered by this. does he have a plan to escape? maybe, although if he does it's gonna read as a shoddy deus ex machina because he didn't set anything up aside from "press this button and i teleport out." did he know he was being trapped? it's not clear, he might've known or he might've been just incredibly stupid. it's boring. he's less a character and more a brick wall with a rocket launcher.

and i feel bad for tommy The Person, because he's clearly gotten stuck in a bit of a content mentality. he got a big reaction from his character suffering in pogtopia, so he did the exile arc. the exile arc got a big reaction, so he did more similar things. it feels like he's gotten stuck in the mindset of "the fans like angst, so i need to continue to just endlessly torment my character with no purpose or goal." his "death" had even LESS permanence than wilbur's, because he got full on revived two days later just so his character could be traumatized some more.

the server is somehow simultaneously too ironclad in its story (not leaving room for others to jump in with ideas like a rp should, such as eret wanting to return in the pogtopia arc, or the egg plot being just ignored) and way too open ended (no clear rules or laws, lack of communication between people -- the "villain" team on the january doomsday showed up a whole 30 minutes earlier than the scheduled time without telling anyone, seemingly because "war isn't fair." those streams are an absolute disaster.) it's a little disappointing because some of the people involved are clearly talented; wilbur is a decent writer, although clearly more suited to a dungeons and dragons DM type of medium, many of the streamers are pretty good actors and not horrible writers / could be better with practice, and some of the newcomers, like ranboo, clearly have experience with roleplay character-driven storytelling and are very good when they're actually given the chance to do things. the whole thing is really disappointing, all in all.

sorry for rambling so much. tl;dr, you're absolutely right, it's disappointing as hell.

sORRY for not replying to this sooner- i read it earlier and completely forgot to respond

added a read more just in case this was a bit too long!

BUT UR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT ON ALL OF THIS- and speaking of "drawing parallels" with characters, i feel like its become a MAJOR crutch for the writers lately. its not only in universe with c!tubbo being compared to c!schlatt or c!quackity being compared to c!wilbur, it extends to myths too. i find the whole c!tommy = Theseus thing and whenever techno starts writing to be sorta a "get out of jail free card" yknow? they don't actually have to write their own plots or characters, just mimic that from myths and legends and i dont think it gels well with wilbur's somewhat original plot [i understand it was just minecraft hamilton, but it had some charming stuff in there yknow?]

and god yes you put my problems with c!techno into words beyond his voice acting, i don't want to imply that he's written his character to be invincible [or the olden term, a "gary sue"] but god it certainly comes off that way. i get so confused when i see people say "oh c!techno has been hurt over and over again!! why are things so terrible for him?" when he got "betrayed" once and that's it, its just so stupid and i cant understand the love for his character

and speaking of tommy, i totally agree. i dont mean to speculate on the kid's mental health since that's mega weirdchamp but combined with the constant angst his character is in plus his recent bad run ins with twitter, i hope he's doing okay. and on a side note, i hope his character gets to have the happy ending he deserves because man. Man.

BUT I HAD NO IDEA ABT THE EGG ARC KINDA BEING WRAPPED UP?? thats so disappointing oh my god. i'll read into it more since im curious about how it ended but god the fact that it sounds like it didnt have a bigger ending is just. wow. the annoying green man villain with no real motives and less of a stage presence gets all this hype and a bigger "ending" [yknow, him being sent to jail] than the eldritch creature that was growing throughout the smp?? wack.

i think one of the bigger problems of the dsmp story is just that. wilbur introduced some basic ideas and basic world stuff and instead of expanding on it gradually in a satisfying way, the new writers just went ham and didn't know what made the original so enjoyable, even tho it was, again, minecraft hamilton. i've seen some people claim that the new writers are better at precise intense moments but i heavily disagree with that, but thats probably because a lot of them involve dream yelling for his acting and i cant take that man seriously even in character.

but yeah, youre absolutely right on everything you've said here. they basically went "hey can i copy your homework?" with wilbur and somehow made things worse

#txt #dsmp crit #dsmp critical

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myuntoldstory · 4 years

Text

saeran after end after thought

it took me a ducking month and some change because i had to farm hourglasses. when i started playing i kept getting the bad ends and i got so frustrated i didn’t touch the app for two weeks. i had to consult a guide to finally reach the end.

i wanted to play this because i needed to see where jihyun ended up and... well... we all know what happened there. anyway...

i have many thoughts and feelings about this ae. i don’t know if i can ever properly organise them, but i’ll put it in bullet points for now. this is my personal feelings, not any kind of fact. i have nothing against nearly anything and anyone (character or real) involved in this game. i’ll always love and appreciate them for being in this game, for creating this game, for giving us something to love for the past four or five years.

these thoughts are rather unfiltered. this is me coming out hours after finishing the ae. i might change my mind after letting it marinate for a while and after reading up some more about it.

it’s all under the cut. it’s long and rambling. there’s no need to read this, really; the ae is a month old after all, but i just needed to get this out. also, it’s salty as hell. literally saltier than the dead sea. it will dehydrate you... best to not bother with this.

also spoilers.

1. during the first playthrough the game mechanics were wonderful, novel, and immersive. but years later and for the sake of an ae? unnecessary. it’s too long. it’s too much work. i did my due when i played the game during ray’s route. why do i also have to work for something that should have been my reward? why do i still have to worry about hearts, choices, and game branches? why do i have to go through multiple endings? it’s an after end. it’s after the ending.

of course i love new content, i love more content, but not like this. and i know i sound super entitled. if i was impatient i should have justt read the wiki, but i wanted the experience, but not this specific experience. lucky it’s the pandemic and i have more time on my hands, but in normal circumstances my life is very different from what it was in 2016. i can’t be waiting for chats and making plans around it to get to the after ending. honestly i expected something like the secret ends or even similar to the style of jihyun’s ae... but no. apparently, chertiz thinks it’s fun to make us spend three and a half days to reach an AFTER END.

2. saeran choi needs love... but, in my opinion, not ours. not mc’s. the love he needs is his brother’s. the person he needs most is saeyoung choi. he’s suffered so much, endured many things no person should ever endure. of course he deserves romantic love, but i feel like he needed to recover first. that’s why after all this im firmly in the very bare, maybe even empty camp of preferring secret end saeran choi over ray route saeran choi.

3. never in my life has a game made me exhausted about the act of forgiveness. i feel a little sick. it’s terrible to say that, i know, but i am just so emotionally exhausted. there is this heavy feeling in my chest that makes me want to cry because i feel like i somehow destroyed a part of myself?

first it’s the saviour in jihyun’s ae. it’s still her in this ae. but in addition to that there’s also the prime minister? when does it stop? at this point we might as well forgive the twins’ mother too. she imprisoned her own sons to benefit from their father; beat the shit out of and starved saeran to the point that he wanted to die, but there must be a reason behind it, right? like all the villains in this game her choices are not her own; they are the product of their circumstances and we have to understand that.

i just... i understand what cheritz is trying to convey here. and granted saeyoung is not as forgiving, but this isn’t his story. it felt like the forgiveness was nearing some extreme by the end of it. i don’t think there’s anything wrong if you’e unable to forgive. if the only way for you to move forward is to not do so i feel that’s valid. as long as you’re not hurting anyone and that you’re not hurting yourself, you do whatever you need to recover. forgiving is not the only way, the noble way. not everyone’s backstory you have to understand and take into consideration in order to move on. even if they realise what they did was wrong, it’s okay not to forgive. sometimes that’s what we need to take care of ourselves.

im rambling on this point, but im going through this currently. it’s not as extreme as the choi twins or the rfa, but all my life i’ve been forgiving and understanding and it chipped away at me. even at my expense i forgave everything and it landed me in a place im struggling to get out of. i needed justice and this ae didn’t give me a bit of that... at least not in the way i needed.

4. cheritz said this is the grand finale, but... it didn’t feel like it? again this is me being entitled, but i expected something more. something bigger. something poignant because after this mystic messenger is over. i expected some kind of epilogues in the form of story modes. of course i appreciate everything the company has done, especially the efforts of the writers, artists, voice actors, and everyone, but... it’s so rushed? it such a short farewell that instead of getting catharsis and satisfaction i felt... drained. and i feel sad that it’s all over because im not ready to say goodbye and that goodbye is far too short for me.

i don’t know im just sad it’s all over.

also, the conclusion they come to is the dissolution of the rfa once everyone found their happy ending. i... this is a group that has been through some shit and that doesn’t make them closer somehow? the rfa app lies neglected and abandoned as everyone moves on with their lives? that is so... lonely? at least for me.

i mean, of course, not all endings have to be necessarily happy in the “everyone gets together once a week for dinners” kind, but i just... i dont know i expected them to be closer somehow. maybe they are. maybe outside the app they’re all closer, but... i don’t know. i feel sad they’re abandoning the app.

5. and then there’s kim jihyun.

and im... i dont know anymore. if you know me, follow me, or have read any of my fics you know im a jihyun fan. i love that man and YES i know his sins. we all do.

as i played the ae i started to hope that he’d die in the end instead of suffering through this egregious character assassination. yes, i literally preferred that he died and that i go through that pain instead of suffering whatever this is. obviously i dont want him to die, but this is like killing him anyway. they killed the essence of him, who he is as a person. hell, they probably killed him already and just installed a stranger in the ae because that v is not our v. all throughout the game he’s been kind and compassionate and selfless. his whole thing is about protecting the rfa, the mc, saving the saviour, and sacrificing himself for them. this is the idiot who gives you his hearts when you’re being actively nice to his abuser and saeran in his route. his ultimate happy ending involves everyone being happy, reunited, and given the proper mental care. he went away for two years, putting a much needed pause in your budding relationship, not only to recover from his trauma, but also to rescue saeran and help him recover too.

yes, v enabled the saviour even before another story. he lied. he put everyone in danger. he’s reckless and he keeps secrets way more than what’s natural. but he will never let any of them come to harm. my memory is fuzzy but im sure he never lets the rfa get in danger. he was devastated when yoosung got injured. he also tried to rescue seven and mc in the secret ends thats why he got shot. this guy always looks out for everyone.

in what world is he okay with drugging the twins? making deals with the villains? the idea of trapping the twins in the saviour’s delusional, twisted family life? he’s not the type to be okay just standing there when his best friend’s life is falling apart or for even causing it. when zen, jaehee, and yoosung get backed into the corner he wouldn’t have been just idle. but in this ae all he does is play stacking chairs, buy strawberry yoghurt, and echo the saviour’s words like a puppet. he asks only mc to save herself and like... jesus christ he never gets a break. he doesn’t even get the same gesture of forgiveness everyone and their father gets. he goes through a trial and jail, which is fair enough, but he’s also a victim of abuse and suffering and despair and mental illness. but somehow because it’s v it’s okay that this is all he gets. somehow he doesn’t deserve any compassionate resolution.

literally the only time he’s happy is his route and after end and even then that happiness is not his own. even then there were concessions to be made before he could get it.

seriously. it seems like cheritz hates him. they think little to nothing of him. if that’s the case why even make content for him? he’s not even meant to be romanceable in the original stories. they could’ve just ignored the petitions and left him as a side character. i mean, i dont know if i prefer that honestly, i do appreciate the content we got, but as his fan it hurts to see all this half-hearted decisions. and to see all this hate still pouring out for him, now magnified because of this ae.

this is like a tiring odyssey, starting way back when he got shot and killed all because he loved someone. he loved the wrong person and it’s the wrong kind of love and he committed his crimes because of it. he had a hand in making the rfa and mc suffer, but still all he did was love. and i know that sounds blind and naive and ignorant and im sorry for not picking up the nuances of his relationship with the saviour, but that’s all i saw. i saw a guy loving the wrong person and it made him make all the wrong choices leading to a bad life.

gah. i am drained people. i am drained, and frustrated, and tired.

#jihyun kim #mystic messenger #tag this please #im sorry for this #i dont know why im apologising #i guess for my thoughtless rambles #it became a rant #this is all unfiltered #dont bother reading im just ranting #ive had like an hour sleep today because reasons #anyway thats not an excuse or anything #ANYWAY these are just stupid thoughts #i had to let it out

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