#maybe just something abt character w an identity I have dying.

[entropy-sea-system]

spoilers for pacific rim: uprising, character death mentions

I feel like the two major deaths were rather unnecessary.. Mako Mori dies so early on that we hardly know anything abt her??? And Cadet Suresh (like.. the cadets are older teenagers at most too..) too??

[trans-leek-cookie]

Not adding to previous post bc yeag but I hate when books save their weird bullshit until near the end. Like w fanfic its upsetting bc it's upsetting but with books theres the knowledge that multiple ppl had to go "yeah this is fine. No changes necessary"

Under a read more bc I complain in actual details abt an incest scene, inaccurate and harmful depiction of DID, and shitty treatment of an SA victim + Biphobia by the narrative

Like I read an interesting mystery book and then it had a flashback to a scene that was two young(I forget exactly how old) twins touching eachother sexually and it was like one of them saying "it's okay bc were the same person" and to be clear i don't think it was meant to be seen as abusive or assault but rather an example of how deep their bond was???

Also a sci Fi book w a woman who's like... entire crew died or something? And they became her alters? And it's implied she got DID from said crew dying? Or she killed them bc of her DID? And also I say she had DID because the book NAMEDROPS DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER WHILE HAVING MISINFORMATION ABOUT HOW IT IS DEVELOPED AND PERPETUATING ABLEIST STEREOTYPES ABOUT IT. like that's an extra slap in the face (and she slices one of the MC's arms to show that the 2 MCs are being fucking carbon monoxide poisoned. And then the MCs leave a random different minor antagonist with her like "that'll teach him" WHAT. GO TO HELL

Then there's the other mystery book where theres like two or three MCs I forget but it's like a college girl named Talulah and a woman who's new to the town idk if the Talulahs mom is an MC or just a major character and Talulah gets into a relationship w a bi girl and Talulahs abusive ex comes in and her gf kills him and her mom drugs them both and hides the body and keeps Talulah captive and thats like tbe big mystery whicj is eh but also TGF (talulahs GF) before the murder tells her she was raped by a teacher and hasnt been able to open up about that. And also later on she cheats on talulah with her ex boyfriend because you know biphobia. Like I think talulah (who is presented as correct) is like "I can't trust u bc ur not committed" and idk if she explicitly mentions the bisexuality but it's pretty obvious she's referring to the bisexuality bc like at the begining Talulahs like idk if I can get into a relationship w someone who isn't committed to me and like. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. Anyway I don't think it's evil to have an SA victim be not great in the story but I feel like in this case it's just an extra part of her backstory that isn't well handled and adds fucking nothing to the story and has nothing interesting to say about how SA affects ppl bc it's like. Well it's there maybe to contrast with Talulahs ex? Who fucking knows not me and I read the damn book I guess!!!!!

[jonbinary-archive]

Sees you have headcanons for gender in the devildom/celestial relm. My eyes do the anime glasses thing dispite not wearing glasses.

GO ON

-videogamereference

YES YES thank you for asking abt this uhhh i have been dying to post something about it but i wasn't sure if other people would be interested ? since it's fairly niche but uhh apparently you would >.>

under the cut so as not to utterly flood people's dashes with my ramblings but! click if you'd like some unnecessarily in-depth discussion of 1) how the different realms in obey me deal with gender/gender identity and 2) my personal gender headcanons for the obey me characters. this is mostly pieced together from one night when i went all pepe silvia in discord but hopefully its now somewhat digestible. thanks for your patience! 

ok so first of all: all three realms interpret and approach gender differently. i don’t think any of them are inherently wrong or bad, it’s just unique ways of viewing the same concept. i prefer the devildom way of looking at it but to each their own :] it maybe goes w/o saying but trans people are supported in every realm, no matter how they view gender !

GENDER IN: THE HUMAN REALM

obviously, the human realm in the om! universe views gender pretty similarly to how our world does. this is sort of like our baseline, where humans generally view gender on a male/female binary. (tho i do like to think that this version of earth is more welcoming to nonbinary and trans people, just cuz i do like a bit of escapism <3)

ultimately gender in the human realm is the most simplified version we will see. i actually have a small headcanon that MC, regardless of gender, is referred to with they/them because this simple gender structure doesn’t translate over well to the other realms

GENDER IN: THE CELESTIAL REALM

with that in mind, we can talk about how the celestial realm views gender. this gets into the whole ‘what is the gender of angels/god’ which is probably outside my expertise to talk about, but i will anyway! 

the celestial realm views gender as, ultimately, unimportant. what matters about a person is who they are, like one’s willingness to help others. most of the angels present masculine and use he/him, as in the image of their Father. there are some who choose to use she or they or present feminine (or any combo of pronouns/presentation), but they arent necessarily ‘boy’ angels and ‘girl’ angels. 

it’s basically like this:

so what are you?

i’m an angel!

no, i mean, what’s your gender?

i’m a messenger of our Father

ugh, that’s not what i meant. what’s in your pants?

oh, so that’s where my halo went!

transitioning, for lack of a better term here, is pretty rare in the celestial realm, but it does happen occasionally. michael will update the records with their new name if they so choose, and celebrations are thrown heavenwide in honor of the angel!

GENDER IN: THE DEVILDOM

now, on the flip side, the devildom almost...reveres gender? since they’re the polar opposite of the celestial realm, demons tend to hold gender up into the spotlight instead of rejecting it. this is why we see so many demons presenting as men but having feminine aspects (like asmodeus wearing pink off the shoulder tops or the demons’ painted nails). 

for angels who Fall, this difference can be very jarring and hard to deal with when they become demons. expression is important in demon culture! while angels see all others as made in their Father’s image, demons emphasize the things that make them different from one another. fluidity of identity is particularly celebrated!

~

GENDER HEADCANONS: BROTHERS

now here’s the fun part, which is how i interpret these characters! feel free to let me know your own headcanons, i love seeing how others view the same characters :] 

LUCIFER: sure, he’s a demon now, but he still somewhat aligns with the celestial view of gender. to him, a person’s character is much more important than how they label themself. he’s just...lucifer. (agender man, he/him) 

MAMMON: has always considered himself a man! one of the rare instances of someone transitioning in the celestial realm. lucifer helped him pick his name :] (trans man, he/him)

LEVIATHAN: levi my beloved <3 ive shared some headcanons on levi’s gender in this post, as well as in the tags of this post. i think he really likes the freedom of demonic gender identity, and is very fluid (genderfluid, he/she/they/it)

SATAN: looooves fucking with gender, particularly if it irritates lucifer. he’s read a ton of gender theory and would love to have discussions about human gender with MC if they want. feels a connection to masculinity, but not to actually being a man (transmasculine, he/they)

ASMODEUS: loves fucking with gender even more than satan does. had gender with your mom last night ;) super gender non conforming, though most of the time you can’t even figure out what gender he is! basically the definition of ‘gender is a performance’ (nonbinary, he/she)

BEELZEBUB: probably doesn’t think too much about his gender. he was told he was a man so he just kind of goes with it. it’s really important to him to align with a healthy form of masculinity! doesn’t seek out pronouns beyond he/him, but wouldn’t mind she/her or they/them (nonbinary man, pronoun indifferent)

BELPHEGOR: similarly to beel, probably doesn’t think too much about his gender. he knows he enjoys being a brother and a twin, but doesn’t care much beyond that. he used to ascribe pretty heavily to celestial gender theory, but after Falling he’s shifted from gender apathy to like. seeing that feeling as his gender identity itself (agender man, he/him)

GENDER HEADCANONS: SIDE CHARACTERS

DIAVOLO: literally just a guy. like hes just a dude but in a slightly fucked up demon way (nonbinary man, he/him) 

BARBATOS: literally look me in the eyes and tell me this dude isn’t a he/they.  he’s not a man, he’s a butler (agender, he/they)

SIMEON: really subscribes to the celestial view of gender/believes that who you are in other people’s eyes is just as important as who you are in your own! doesn’t really identify w gender in any way since angels don’t technically have a binary to deviate from, but in human terms he is (nonbinary, mainly he/him but she/her ok too)

LUKE: also transitioned in the celestial realm! the brothers tease him, but if anybody misgenders the chihuahua, they should be prepared to eat shit (trans boy, he/him)

SOLOMON: started out as a sorcerer while trying to alchemize testosterone. he’s been living as a man so long that sometimes he forgets he’s trans in the first place (trans man, mainly he/him and occasionally they/them)

[somefandomimagines]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get a haikyuu matchup 🖤

I’m a chaotic 5’2 bi who loves dying my hair bright colors. Right now it’s blue.

My Myers-Briggs personality type is ENFT.

I have adhd, odd, depression, and anxiety. Which is basically means I either give something 1000% in effort, or nothing at all. And sometimes that is determined by someone telling me that I “have/need” to do it. Because I tend to have problems with authority figures and don’t like being told what to do.

I also have a hard time sitting still unless I’m hyper focusing on something (usually reading or going down a research rabbit hole on something that I find interesting). Those episodes only last so long though. Otherwise I like being out and doing things (usually with my dogs). I love traveling to new places and trying new things. I listen to all types of music, but David Bowie and Neil Diamond will always place top in my heart. I love to sing and dance at random. I’m not good at either, but that doesn’t stop me.

Those are my good days though. Some days depression and anxiety get ahold on me and I’ll do a 180. Those days I usually try to stay on my own and read or distract myself with movies and tv.

My favorite genre is horror. I love scary things - books, movies, documentaries, tv shows. Paranormal investigations? Im in! Stephen King’s new release? I already got it preordered.

I love games. I’m not so much into video games, but tabletop and card games are my jam. I’m also pretty good at trivia too (the more useless and random the questions are, the better I am).

I’m also a practicing pagan and witch. I specialize in divination (tarot cards, oracle cards, and tea leaf reading) and have a ridiculously large collection of rocks/crystals, candles (mostly because I like things that smell good) and different tarot and Oracle decks. And random fact; my favorite tarot card and the one I identify with the most is The Fool.

I think that’s all I’ve got at the moment. Thank you in advance 💚🖤💚🖤

So I kinda just skimmed through this but if I get anything wrong please don't be upset :( ALSO IT'S SO COOL THAT YOU'RE A WITCH!! I wanna get into that stuff but I'm too pea brained and can't find anyone to help me lol Anyways I match you with... ASAHI!! - Look, look, I get it, he's a gentle giant kinda guy and you're hyperactive and hated by authority - But opposites attract - He'd be attracted by how strong you are tho - Like you just give off this energy and he can't help himself - You guys meet when you get transferred into one of his classes - Your hair is so cool,,, He likes it - Like he wants to be bold like that too </3 - You guys end up talking somehow - For once... Someones not scared of him??? OMG!!! - You guys get along so well at first too - You're the one to make a move and ask him out on a date tho - You guys go to a simple picnic :0 - He shows you his fashion designs btw- He's super good at that - He also brings the cutest little foods too - Tiny sammiches - anyways you guys have a great time - At some point things get quiet but like- a comforting quiet - You guys have a really cute dynamic tho - You help him get over some of his anxieties and he helps you with yours - ALSO HE'S SO INTERESTED IN YOUR WITCHY STUFF IT'S SO COOL - He could listen to you talk abt it for hours - When you guys study and you can't focus, he'll wrap an arm around you and pull you close - He knows that talking while doing things can help others focus so he tries that? Idk if it works but he finds smth to help - Also you're hyperfixed on smth? RANT TO HIM - Ok if it's horror he might get scared shitless but he'll listen - Poor mans is horrible with horror but finds it cute that you have such an interest in it - He gets you out of trouble with teachers and other school staff somehow - Maybe bc they find him scary or he's a kiss-ass sometimes - When you're having a down day, you've got your big teddy bear there w/ ya - He lets you play with his hair if you want, it really calms you both down - During your down days he'll just quietly cuddle you as you guys watch TV or he'll try and help you get something productive done - Either way, he somehow makes your day better - And then when HE has a down day, you're on his ass in a positive way tryna get him up - He,,, He really likes this one cafe with cat-themed snacks - Anyways gender-nonconforming Asahi ftw - He's a man that likes cute things! What's wrong with that?? - With any gender identity you have, he's fully supportive - Might not understand something clearly at first but he'll learn and do his research! - You're his best source for this info tho - He refuses to let you dye his hair tho - He likes his hair the way it is - PDA? Only small things - Hell even the smallest thing gets him fuckin flustered - You hold his hand? He's blushing - He's not really used to relationships but,,, You help him a lot - He's so happy to have met you - Also if you guys have movie nights and you choose a horror movie? He's holding onto you for dear life - Nishinoya is also someone you hang out with and he'll tease you both a lot - Asahi,,, Poor boy he's so fucking flustered - Tanaka joke flirts with you one day and Asahi puts a protective arm around you,,, It's so out of character that it's obvious - Tanaka loses his shit which makes Asahi embarrassed, but you let your mans know that you find the gesture endearing - Hiking dates are a thing hiking dates are a thing - Asahi loves the views and you love the adventure - He gets along w/ your dogs amazingly btw - Your unpaid dogsitter <3 PLEASEOSUFGHSDIFG

[the-paper-furler]

FYI: I kinda hate this post now.

Headcannons for Animal Academy characters and why. (mostly just sexuality headcannons tho, bc I'm not the most creative).

- Miiko is a lesbian: Evidence: 1. she states at end of report 1-2 that Neko's smell (she's got a strong nose bc she's a transforming cat), not only doesn't bother her, but calms her down and that she stopped being anxious when she learned she and Neko would not only be in the same class, but roommates... that's some sapphic stuff right there. 2 Neko is one of two characters that Miiko has neither tried to slap, or flat out insulted or just said she hated (I only include that last one for Yusuke's sake). 3, When Kotaro confesses to her in volume three, Miiko states she likes someone else, it's implied to be Teruo, as we learn in volume 6 that he was her owner. But I personally think it's Fune/Neko. Also in a way, Teruo is more like a fatherly figure... 4. In volume two, Miiko goes out of her room to look for Neko in the middle of the night, simply bc she wasn't in their room. 5. when she learns what the term 'bride' means, she thinks it's weird/just finds Kotaro's confession meh. 6. literally everything that happens in the damn manga.

- Kotaro is omni or pan, but doesn't use labels: this one is more just from a character stand point. I mean clearly he's bi+. But he doesn't strike me as the type of person to use labels. Like if anyone asked him are you gay, or bi, or straight, or anything, he'd say no. Even if he's been in romantic relationships w/ people before. Because he just doesn't think that way, like in volume three when Neko and Yuichi tease him abt how a fox and a cat can't get along, and he just says, "but I don't like cats, just Miiko".

-Sasuke is aromantic: This one is based on interpreting certain sences from a different pov, but there is solid logic to it. 1, in volume six, after Neko confesses to Sasuke (something he's suprised by), Yusuke confronts him in his room. During this incounter, he (Sasuke), never mentions how he feels abt this, just that Yusuke pushed her to do it, likely in somekind of bad deal. Yusuke, meanwhile, taunts him, telling him he can't turn her down without hurting her feelings, and that "if you don't care, then maybe I should take her", after which Sasuke grabs his brother by the collar, and just looks at him in the eyes w/ a pissed expression. The panel that follows is just Yuichi saying "Oh, so you do care". It's vague enough that you can view it from the perspective of a straight guy, getting mad that his brother might take away the girl he likes. Or from the pov of someone who doesn't want his friend getting hurt (in multiple ways), by his brother, who could debatably be called a sociopath, or an impulsive imp. Along w/ the fact that up until this point he's just kinda played along w/ his brother's antics. 2, I just really prefer Sasuke and Neko as friends okay. 3, also from volume six, we learn from Yusuke that the reason why he's so deicated to protecting Neko is that he has rock bottom self estem, that he genuionly wouldn't mind dying O-o. I shouldn't have to explain that one... 4, Even the wiki agrees! "Neko has a crush on Sasuke and confesses to him, but he's extremely dense in love and doesn't really notice anything different about her." HE'S DENSE BC HE DOESN'T VIEW PEOPLE IN ROMANCTIC WAY!

- Umeka is bi: I mean just look at her (this would be the part where I show a picture, but she's not on any of the front covers and I'm not using my ipad... but just trust me. She ain't straight)

- Yuichi and Neko are bi: I'm putting these together, 'cause lazziness. 1. it's established in volume that they have crushes on eachother. And they are both VERY close to their roommates...

- Zenda is gay and Manjiro is pan: w/ M, he just love cats, and tells Zenda at one poit that he should drop his form. Z and M: they're prez and vice prez of the ninja club, and I just think they're gay for eachother 'kay.

possible trans characters: Yuichi: he's says he needs to figure out who he is at the end of volume 3, maybe that includes gender. Neko: gets nicknamed Fune, has rlly short hair, if you think hard enough, you could write a whole saga abt Fune realizing their gender identity, and coming out/just asking the school for the male uniform. Miiko: Teruo probs didn't check to see which parts Miiko had before giving her her name.

[galimatios]

t/a rambles 1

back on my bullshit part 1

... should look into the tactics ogre games for novel inspo bc my novel is also a political drama ... UNINTENTIONALLY actually id call it a coming of age story in rhe new adult genre since mc is probably 23-25 i have so many feelings about the novel ugh i love my ocs so much and i put them all om opposing sides for this novel the most complex relationship i have in it i think is alex and his mother or rather prince kreutzer in this au queen elaine and her son prince kreutzer .. god its so fucked up bc kreutzer loves his mother- he was largely isolated as a child and his mother was always so loving and sweet and they were so so close but the prince never knew of the shit his mother did as queen she is a tyrant she must have lost a child once. a princess, i think probably to the king who she may have ... overthrew or usurped maybe but regardless of that shes in power now and because she lost a child she became overly protective of kreu and consolidated her power heard of a plot to infiltrate her kingdom and assassinate the son of the previous tyrant king (?) and she just fucking ruled with an iron fist because she has so little trust in the goodness of people that she thinks the only way to achieve good is to force it and as a result she kills anyone who steps out of line thus making the people resent her deeply but to kreutzer shes his mother his loving and doting mother who does all she can to protect him the novel actually starts um after the queen is assassinated h a its not her story but shes a big part of it even after her death bc a big portion of the theme is like coming to terms with the complexity of individuals no one is all good or all bad and kreu starts out unable to understand this he has a very black and white view of moralitt like his mother at the beginning on his coronation day theres an assassination attempt made on him but he gets whisked away by the court jester after that a coup is staged and rebels take over the country and the prince is forced to hide with a traveling circus that the jester brings him to where every performer... is a fugitive or criminal! and thats where his personal growth really begins bc he learns abt these people and realizes his world view was wrong people are complex people do bad things... for just reasons and vice versa esp Keith who makes a major appearance in the novel his entire bg story takes place outside the novel as well hahaha but its a lot after a raid on his village, hes orphaned along w his little sister who is ill so to make ends meet / buy medicine he does literally every fucking crime under the sun starting off with petty theft and scaling up to murder literally sacrificing every last shred of innocence he has for the sake of his ailing sister who... dies anyway! and im thinking, tbh, its a fantine/cosette/thenardiers type sitch where this quack doctor is basically scamming him except instead of fantine dying cosette does anyway thats where he fucking hits rock bottom he could handle things as long as he had someone to fight for you know he was alright with it bc his sister was there, his saving grace but when she dies hes all alone thats probably when lydia finds him i imagine he would he on the verge of suicide or at the very least dying of self imposed starvation and neglect but honestly probably suicide julie's death on top of the crushinf weight of all the crimes hes committed the innocence he lost, the lives he took its just way too much and hes just a naive kid lydia finds him and takes him back to the circus takes care of him gives him food and water and shelter and slowly tries to reach him slowly teaching him that there is still life to be lived that he is so young, and it is far too soon for him to lay down and die that he should live for his dead family, because that is what they would want to keep their memory alive in his heart and he begins to come around slowly starts doing chores for the troup then he finally sees one of their performances acrobats and the trapeze and the glitz and the glamor its the first time in years where he ... wasnt thinking about his dead sister or his trauma he asks lydia to teach him how to "do that" he says while pointing at the stage and so she does and ever since then hes taken up performing full time as a .. daredevil type act doing outrageously dangerous things for the thrill of it it excites him, the risk he loves to see how close to the edge of death he can walk without falling and it fuels him makes him enjoy being alive again and he's.. happy god by the time you meet keith in the novel he's just this happy go lucky teen with this smugness about him a kind of dangerousness belying a sweet exterior he's all jokes and laughs at this point and you'd never be able to tell what he went thru at first glance or at all really bc honestly, at this point he honest to god is okay lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 6:00 AM he... doesnt need anyone's pity. he doesn't need anything but the feeling of being alive now and one of the major points of the novel is prince kreu's relationship with him... bc at first they really clash and kreu is just... he's a fucking criminal and all of then deserve to hang keith plays this off w jokes at first but kreu keeps being antagonistic bc he just cant believe a criminal like him is getting away without punishment but then one day keith snaps at him knife to the prince's throat dangerous, cat like eyes, the usual smile on his face no where to be found you're right. i'm a thief. a liar. a criminal. a murderer. i'm all those things. but i'll tell you one thing, prince: i'm not worthless. he pulls the knife away and walks off leaving the prince stunned after this lydia talks to kreu explaining that maybe he shouldn't judge keith so quickly hinting that the circumstances of his life were... not ideal when i first found him, he was already half dead. perhaps not physically, but in the eyes. you could see the reaper in them. hhmgmgn i need to think more abt the circumstances around this scene ah keith must have been looking for a good place to die

the music from the circus reminded him of better days, when he played songs with his family. i imagine him.. outside the tent, somewhere obscured and there's music flowing from its interior... he's tired. he sits down against a barrel and he's been starving, exhausted... letting sleep take him away on the songs from the circus back to a time he used to be happy...

lydia fines him and shakes him but his eyes look glassy and he's unresponsive

he's taken poison must have been something from his former days working as an assassin something he saved for himself just in case and that's when lydia takes him in and nurses him back to health she's a water mage w healing capabilities so she's able to do it and i imagine at first keith is hurt, angry why am i still alive? i im fucking myself up in the feels i hate this THIS ISNT EBEN IN THE FUCKINF BOOK IT ALL HAPPENS BEFORE IT KEITJS NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER HERE BUT IM SO FUCKED UP ugh after kreutzer learns a bit abt keiiths origins he actually thinks a lot. and tries to make amends. apologizes to keith who doesnt say anything much he's sitting, eyes away from the prince, fiddling with the knives he uses for his performances

"a raid took my parents away. illness took away my sister."

"i did a lot of things for money. most of it i'm not proud of. but i would have done anything to save her... you know?"

"you've got someone you love too, don't you?" kreutzer thinks of his mother. the surrogate brother who disappeared on him and never returned "i do." "then, you get it." after this they start to really bond almost as siblings.. which is really funny bc kreutzer doesnt need to be protective of keith keith can MORE THAN take care of himself but its new for kreutzer to feel.. responsibility for someone else like this he was always the one protected before keith laughs at this a lot what're you trying to do? be my big bro? but secretly he ...really likes having family again as idiotic as kreutzer is ofc lydia has always been there for him but as a surrogate mother an older sib is new and.. kind of nice in canon modern au they really are basically bros LOL actually cousins via mothers but alex/kreu goes to live w keiths family after his mom (lain) dies so they essentially grow up like brothers i didn't even get started w the fucking mess that is alan and kreutzer alan goes by calisto also and he hes the court jester but he was trained from a young age as a snake in the kings court he was supposed to kill the prince when the time was right but alan and his dumb fucking gay ass FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM INSTEAD spoiler alert: its unrequited btwn alex and alan is NEVER requited in ALL aus its because alan ... doesnt love himself at all. he has no sense of... purpose or identity alex can never love someone like that but either way he becomes the prince's personal servant and entertainer and this idiot falls for him the naivete he displays, the timid stateliness, the unfitting title of prince bestowed on his shoulders- kreutzer is far too soft to be the leader of this kingdom and alan increasingly has the desire to protect him even as kreu grows older and more skilled in his studies there is always the anxious trepidation they also grow up together from around ages 11-present at the time of the novels start god alan loves him so much it hurts me but its so one sided alex loves cyrus in modern au ): alan could never be more than just a phase tbh poor guy alan and his low self esteem and depression the worst part of this thougg is that because alan feels aimless and without purpose when he falls for kreutzer he ... finally has his OWN cause to fight for and he takes it to the extreme betraying everyone that trusted him to do his job for the sake of a man who wont ever love him it bites him in the ass too bc i kill him off as a catalyst for other stuff h ahahahhahahahahahahaha not just kill him off but horribly because HE FUCKING BETRAYED HIS ENTIRE SIDE THEY ARE, UNDERSTANDABLY, PISSED Alan is so fuckong flawed hes a fuckinf mess and i love it ugh im thinkijg of another scene in the novel once kreutzer gets captured bt the coup rebels he actuallt submits himself voluntarily bc keith gets kidnapped and used as ransom keith tells him hes a fucking idiot keiths life doesnt matter dont fucking come for me! but kreu doesnt listen obviously and they torture kreutzer bc i love suffering and after that they make him listen in a mock trial to the testimonials of all the people hurt by his mother death to the queen! death to elaine of koel! all the horrible stories of lives unjustly cut short because of his mother it breaks him because he loves his mother so much but she's done all these horrible things he doesn't know what to do how to make amends the damage was done and he takes their wrath their scorn and anguish and i'm sorry as if sorry could ever fix anything but it is his burden to carry, his punishment to suffer in place of the queen ironically this makes lilya have a change of heart she was infiltrating the queens court just as alan did and she is directly responsible for her death her assassination, i think or the king's? either way shes part of the rebel forces and she DESPISES the queen good fucking riddance as far as she's concerned that woman made her life hell(edited) so she can rot in it for all lilya cares for but seeing kreutzer there bloodied tortured sobbing broken and taking the punishment doled out to him without so much as a word of protest(edited) she thinks... this... isnt right this is wrong. because kreutzer was not responsible for the sins of his mother as much as people want to blame him, take out their anger on him lilya was at first all gung ho about ending the royal bloodline lies and dirt - Last Thursday at 7:02 AM but she reconsiders this moment feels something tugging at her this isnt right

she remembers her sister back at the circus— lydia. who she always loved dearly but clashed with, leading to her abandoning the circus and joining the rebellion.

retribution is deserved, but should it be served? what then makes us different from our oppressors?

or sth like that so she rescues kreutzer takes him back to the circus. and reunites with her sister after so many years after that ik not entirely sure what to do w the novel LOL bc i know there has to he a big battle bc the rebellion forces begin to quell opposition like how the communist regime in other countries started in ernest bc people felt oppressed but then they went too far and started culling the middle class so then kreutzer leads his own rebellion force against them to take back the country then once he wins he uses his kinghood to dissolve the monarchy and embrace democracy instead asking lydia to lead hes much too tired to lead, and she is much better suited for it but hm inhabe to think more about that entire segment after this he takes over lydias spot in the circus as its owner and organizer and with keith he spends the rest of his days helping people just like keith also they properly mourn alans death it takes forever for kreu to come to terms w his mothers assassination and crimes he probably never truly works it out but he begins to be able to recognize that she is both the tyrant queen and his loving mother that they do not cancel eachother out, that they are not mutually exclusive they are one in the same UGH IM SO UPSET I WISH ID FUCKING WRITE THIS BC I WANT TO FUCKING READ IT the message i wanna convey is like people.. are complex, imperfect, and the systems they create are also subjected to that but everyone does things for a reason. no matter what that reason is and i want lydia to address this too when she becomes the new prime minister of koel a democracy is not perfect, because man is not perfect. there will be hardship, mistakes made along the way. but together we can grow, improve, and learn about one another— and better our society for it. and i believe anywhere injustice goes, justice will always follow(edited) sth like that ig