#me. and then i was £5 off the free delivery promotion so i was like ‘fuck it’ and ordered a random sock yarn that was on sale

[fingertipsmp3]

Gotta love seeing a cute knitting pattern that is free for Valentine’s day only, being excited at the prospect of saving money, and then immediately spending almost £30 on materials to make the damn thing 🤦🏻‍♀️

[abcpenn27]

Commissions Terms of Service

If you have a problem with any of these terms, they may be changed if discussed with me prior to paying for your commissioned piece.

1. GENERAL TERMS

All drawings may or will include a subtle signature that you may not remove.

I reserve the right to post any commissioned work to my gallery or portfolio.

Prices are subject to change based on demand.

I have the right to reject any order that I do not feel comfortable drawing for any reason.

​

2. PAYMENT

I accept USD and can be paid through PayPal.

Commissions can be paid either 100% upfront or split 50% upfront and 50% after sketch approval.

Don't send me any payment before I have agreed to the commission and requested you to send me the payment.

​

3. PROCESS AND DELIVERY

I will notify you when I have started on your commission and you, therefore, lose the rights to a refund (see point 7 further below for more info on refunds)

While I'm working on your commission, I will occasionally send progress to you to make sure I get it right!

The number of progress reviews depends on the complexity of the work.

During the review, you will see work-in-progress that includes a temporary watermark.

The time it takes to finish your commission varies depending on factors such as health, the complexity of the commissioned piece, or schoolwork. I will estimate a timeframe for delivery before starting the piece.

If anything comes up that will slow the progress of the initially estimated delivery time, I will let you know ASAP.

Once the piece is finished you will receive the full-resolution image along with a web-friendly size. There is NO PHYSICAL PRODUCT, but feel free to make prints yourself.

​

4. REVISIONS

You get 3 rounds of changes on the commissioned piece included in the price.

A fee will be added if you want something changed on the final drawing - unless a misunderstanding from my side has been made.

If you wish for me to change something in the drawing you have previously approved, I will charge you a fee to change it. The amount of the extra charge depends on the change you want me to make.

If your reference is unclear to start with, changes will come at an extra charge.

​

5. COPYRIGHT / USAGE POLICY

I, ABCpenny27 (the artist), claim the rights to the produced drawing, not the buyer. Therefore I am allowed to use the copyrighted artwork to:

Promote myself with it everywhere

Publish books with it (artbooks, etc.)

Display it everywhere to my liking (website, social media, etc.)

Post it wherever I want

The buyer is allowed to:

Use the commissioned piece for personal use unless agreed otherwise (you can upload it on all your social media profiles, forums, etc.)

Print the artwork and claim the character(s) as their own, but not the artwork itself.

Use the artwork to promote themselves. You are not forced to give me credit when you post it but it is very appreciated.

Use the artwork on their YouTube channel and in monetized videos as long as the artwork itself is not the main subject for the earnings.

The following is considered copyright infringement:

Reproducing/using the copyrighted artwork commercially - means making money off it in any way.

Claiming the artwork as your own

Removing my signature from the artwork

Altering the artwork without my consent

Using the artwork to train AI

I reserve the full rights to the image and its use/distribution unless otherwise agreed upon.

​

6. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION

I will do everything I can to make my customers happy!

If you have a problem with anything in regards to the commissioned piece please tell me right away so we can find a solution together.

I am willing to change some of my terms for you if you ask before I start on your commission. If you, e.g., do not want me to post your art anywhere, we can discuss this.

​

7. REFUND / CANCELLATION POLICY

The buyer is not allowed a refund once I started working on the commission.

If for any reason I am unable to start your commission you will receive a full refund.

If you cancel your order before I started it, you can get a full refund.

If you are getting a refund, do not request a Paypal chargeback. I will transfer the money back to you myself.

If you request a Paypal chargeback at any point when you were not allowed to ask for a refund you will lose all beforementioned rights to the commissioned piece and I will have the full right to profit further from it in any way. I will decline the chargeback and supply Paypal with our conversations in which we talk about the commission as evidence that I have completed work for you. Furthermore, you will be blacklisted from commissioning me again.

​

If the buyer breaks any of the points stated above they will lose all the beforementioned rights to the artwork commissioned by me, ABCpenny27 (the artist), and I will have the right to profit further from the commissioned artwork in any way I see fit. If you have a problem with any of these statements, they may be changed if discussed with me prior to paying your commissioned piece.

​

​

What do you get?

Drafts/mockups - you must decide which one I will continue with (depending on the complexity of the commission there might be fewer or more drafts)

Sketch and/or final sketches that you must accept before I continue the work

Insight and involvement in color plan (depending on the complexity of the commissioned piece)

Full-resolution file in chosen size (300 DPI, usually Letter format) of final drawing and a smaller version for internet upload. Final file formats are usually PNG unless otherwise requested.

[taocrafttarot]

"...we are the only thinkers in our minds. When we create peace and harmony and balance in our minds, we will find it in our lives." - Louise Hay

Basically, make friends with yourself and your life.

Today's card, Temperance, picks up where the Energy Path for the week left off four days ago.

On Monday, the Knight of Swords, the Queen of Wands, and the major arcana Magician reminded us of the courage to continue, the courage to connect to earthy, nurturing ordinary-ness and the audacity to find magic in the ordinary.

Temperance reminds us of that same balance. Not every day has to be striving or spiritual. We can live our spirituality in a comfortable, natural way. Not everything has to be bland, pedantic or mundane. There is balance. There is magic in the ordinary, and ordinary in the magic.

The paranormal is really just normal seen with our heart at the same time as we see with our eyes.

It's a balance.

That being said, on to the shameless self promotion part of the Thursday newsletter available on the main website blog, the member's ko-fi blog and now on Medium. I'm still new to medium so this introductory part will get shorter as time goes on.

If you want ALL of the free Tarot content on the day it posts, please follow the blog here on SageWordsTarot.com by putting your email in the box on the right hand side of the page (or scroll WAY down on mobile) New posts come right to your inbox as they are published.

Membership gets you on-demand one card private email readings, discounts on all larger email layouts plus occasional member-only content on the ko-fi blog.

Or, if you only want a once weekly summary, please subscribe to Sage Sips newsletter on Medium.

The Temperance card today is a nice validation for me - or at least I'm taking it that way. It's been a year of changes around here since switching to the Sage Words Tarot name in January and it has taken a seven month long hot minute to find a new balance around here. This is my general plan for August. If it works, then this becomes the plan for the foreseeable future.

EMAIL TAROT

Email readings are available to order 24/7 - no appointment needed. How long it takes for your full write up to arrive varies depending on when you place your order, USA eastern time. Weekday orders usually get to you within 12 hours. Nights, weekends, and US holidays take longer. I'll send a confirmation message with an estimated delivery time when you place your order. Getting an email reading with me works like ordering anything else online. Pick the layout you want - I've got lots of choices. There is something there for any question or budget from a $5 one card "Sage's Sip" up to a full 7 card "TaoCraft Extended" layout for $40. Then you check out just like buying anything else online. I only take PayPal, but PayPal is secure for both of us and takes most credit cards. You'll get a chance to enter your question or the topic for your Tarot reading as part of the checkout process.

PHONE / ONLINE / IN-PERSON TAROT READINGS

These only offer the 7 card layout.

I don't do brick and mortar. By working mainly online, I can keep my prices lower for everyone. When we work in-person, we'll meet in a local quiet public place. I have some routine spots where I've been going for years and never been bothered. If you live in the South Hills suburbs of Pittsburgh PA and are interested in this kind of reading, just contact me for full detail or to schedule.

Same for phone or live online readings. Contact me to schedule. I'll send you an invoice and confirmation email. A valid email is required, again I use PayPal for secure payment processing.

FREE TAROT

I don't do free or discount private readings for non-members because of the years and years and metric craptons of FREE Tarot content that is already on the free website blog and social media.

If you want to actually talk to me, Threads and Instagram comments is the place to do that. DMs are a members-only ko-fi thing. You can find my Tarot content and blog links on Facebook, TikTok and Tumblr, but I don't interact with those. As far as the free content goes, this is the general plan - subject to random unannounced changes of course.

MONDAY: Three card "Energy Path" Tarot reading for the week ahead.

TUESDAY: private readings only, no free content

WEDNESDAY: Learn With Me - currently posting an "Oracle Dice" series

THURSDAY: weekly newsletter with a Tarot card for the day & announcements

FRIDAY: some random something, maybe nothing

SATURDAY: "Sage's Other Words" non-Tarot blog

SUNDAY: closed

Thank you so much for reading!

All of this promotion and re-branding stuff is getting pretty ICK for me too. I think *fingers crossed* that this is really truly it for the getting organized phase so I can put my energy back into Tarot and writing for you all.

I'd really appreciate it if you'd share this. All of this FREE content depends on YOUR support through reading purchases, memberships, & virtual coffee on ko-fi.

See you at the next sip!

[mypoisonedvine]

Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x reader (part 7)

(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6)

series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself.  except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.  

word count: 2.5k

warnings: um just implied smut and fluff and a reference to bdsm I guess?? but it's pretty chill overall

Liked by starkcosmetics and others

y/n.y/l/n okay first of all, it takes an act of god to get a picture of this guy smiling, but it’s always worth it.  he really changed everything for me and I can’t thank him enough for that.  so happy ❤️ 

View all 9,208 comments

caroldanvers 😍😍😍

flowercrowny/n oh my god this is so sweet i’m gonna cry

1 HOUR AGO

He smiled as he stared down at the post you’d made, remembering how much effort you’d put into finding the perfect picture (in your opinion; he thought he looked kinda dopey in it) as well as writing and re-writing your caption.

The speed at which your post gained likes and comments was inconceivable to him; even more impressive was the speed at which gossip rags were picking up the story.  Sure enough, his phone’s alerts to new headlines about you were not only going off like crazy, but had started to include news about himself as well.  

Y/N Y/L/N Shocks With Romantic Instagram Post, Confirms Dating Rumors

You’ll Never Guess Which Hollywood Starlet Is Dating Her Driver

Who is James Barnes?  Everything We Know About Y/N Y/L/N’s New Beau

Skimming one of the articles, he was impressed at how much information they’d managed to get without actually getting anything from you or him.  Born in Brooklyn, disabled Army veteran, worked a list of odd jobs before becoming your driver and bodyguard.  ‘No social media presence, prefers to keep a low profile’ one of them said; you can say that again, Bucky chuckled to himself when he read it.

He found another from People and didn’t particularly appreciate that it spent half the time going through all your past exes and rumored partners (turned out ‘rumored’ is a fancy word for ‘a bunch of fans deluded themselves so hard that it somehow turned into news without any proof necessary’).  But he still smiled when he got to the part that was actually about you and him.

‘The relationship is pretty new but they’re so happy together,’  a source close to the couple reported.  

Close indeed; that statement came from your publicist, who he’d never even meet.  

‘He’s a very private guy and she’s got this huge following, so they’re sort of an odd couple in that way, but she knows her fans are respectful and will let them have their own life outside of the spotlight.’ 

Bucky wasn’t sure that the respectfulness of fans was such a given here, but he hoped you were right.  To be fair, they’d been very sweet on your original post insofar. 

However, when he scrolled to the bottom of the celebrity magazine articles and realized they had their own comments section, he discovered that they were a little less forgiving than the ones on your Instagram.  

Is this the best she thinks she can do?  So sad tbh :(

a military guy…. yikes, she could get any guy she wants and she goes for a murderer. 

He looks like a hobo that found a coupon for a free haircut lol

I don’t buy it, I know she’ll always love Pietro!

Pietro being your former co-star that so many of your fans were convinced was actually your soulmate.  From what he’d heard from you, those speculations had made things so uncomfortable between the two of you that it killed your friendship.  Those were nothing, though, compared to the comments about someone you actually had dated.

she’s obviously not over sam… they were so good together

He’d better watch out for her ex, he still likes tweets about her and they have so much chemistry

Wait, she’s not still with Sam Wilson??  I could’ve sworn they’d been dating for, like, five years.

You were scrolling through your phone with a smile as you walked past where he was sitting on the couch, and he just couldn’t help himself from asking even though he knew it wasn’t the best idea.  “Do I need to worry about this Sam thing?” he blurted out, trying to play it cool and not sound too anxious.  “People are really obsessed with you two…”

“Sam and I…” you sighed, staring off into space for a second.  He made himself anxious imagining what you were thinking about in that moment.  “I haven’t talked to him in… years?  I think it’s just because our relationship was so public that people are still talking about it.  And it had a lot of gossip material— we did a movie together, people thought it was sweet that we got together during production, it was great promotion for the picture… and from the outside, we made a lot of sense for each other.  But he has his own problems.  I loved him, but… he wasn’t ever going to be a one-girl kinda guy.”

“But you’re not just any one girl.  You’re… you know, you,” he emphasized.

“You’ve been reading too many headlines,” you shook your head as you sat down beside him.  “Please don’t turn into one of those guys who thinks of me as a celebrity first.  Before that—” you pointed to your own name where it was bolded on his screen in the trending topics page of Twitter— “was popping up on movie posters and in gossip magazines, it was just my name.  And I’m not perfect.  Not even close.”

Bucky sighed and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him and holding you tightly.  “And before I knew you were famous, or rich, or incredibly talented, I was totally obsessed with you just for who you are.”

“You’re too fucking amazing,” you sighed as you held his face and gave him a gentle kiss— the kind of kiss that instantly melted his heart and banished his worries.  When you pulled back and looked up at him with a smile, it was like everything else just… faded away.  “Don’t read the comments, okay?  None of them matter.”

He smiled and brushed his thumb over your cheek, overwhelmed by not only the softness of your skin but of your spirit as well.  In all his life he’d never been handled so… gently, with so much care.  “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he mumbled, not even really realizing he’d said it aloud until you gave him a beaming smile.

“I can’t believe you’re my boyfriend,” you giggled pridefully.

“Seriously?  I can… very easily believe it,” he scoffed.

“I just mean… you’re so…” you searched for the words.  “You’re actually good to me, that’s the thing.  I’m not used to that.”

“You deserve the world,” he assured.  “I’m just gonna keep trying to give you as much of it as I can find.”

He watched his hand trail over your face, down your neck and to your chest where he played with the hem of your t-shirt.

"It's odd to know there are millions of people who are jealous of me,” he admitted quietly, remembering some aggressive comments from some very angry dudes who had apparently also watched your nude scene a few too many times.

"Do you like it?  Do you like how it feels to know you're making them angry every time you touch me?"

"Couldn't care less," he refuted.  "Nobody else matters when I'm touchin' you."

“Do you maybe wanna… touch me a little more about it?” you smirked, opening your legs slightly in invitation.

“Always.”

//

Bucky had, thankfully, not let the newfound fame get to his head.  In fact, he had demanded that the two of you hunker down in the house, since he feared that going out would lead to being recognized.  What he apparently hadn’t anticipated was that that might not be enough.

“Will you get that?” you requested when the gate buzzed, too wrapped up in the book you were reading to answer the intercom.

He hopped up and held down the button to communicate with the gate speaker.  “Who is it?” he asked.

“I’ve got a delivery from Anjappar Chettinad on 23rd?”

Bucky didn’t even reply before hitting the green button and granting access to the driveway.  BEEP BEEP BEEP! you heard the gate signal its opening, and the car pulling around up to the door.  Bucky didn’t open it until there was a knock, greeting the delivery guy with a smile and the necessary cash.

“I’ve got a lamb korma, hyderabadi mutton dum biryani and an order of— woah,” the man suddenly stopped, staring at Bucky’s face.  “Are you—?’

“Hungry?  Yes,” he frowned.

“You’re the guy dating— holy shit, congrats man,” he beamed, smacking Bucky on the shoulder pridefully before leaning in with a mischievous smirk.  “Say, is she a freak or what?”

“She is,” you piped up from the couch, making both men turn their heads; but one was chuckling while the other looked mortified.  “You better not have forgotten my paneer pakora or I’m gonna chain you up and whip you.”

“Uh, I— no, I got it right here,” he promised weakly, handing the bag over to Bucky and starting to dash away before Bucky grabbed his arm, making the smaller man whimper fearfully.

“You forgot the money,” Bucky reminded him gruffly, stuffing the bills into the driver’s front pocket.

Finally, he let go, and the delivery man instantly pulled away, rubbing his arm and looking a bit like a kicked puppy as he went back to his car and drove away.

“You didn’t need to scare him that bad,” Bucky chuckled.

“I could say the same to you!  Grabbing somebody with the metal arm like that will put the fear of God into them pretty fast.”

“I didn’t mean to grab him that hard,” he admitted, examining the prosthetic hand as he came back to the couch with the bag of food, handing it to you while he focused on watching his motorized fingers curl and uncurl.  “I think I need to get this thing recalibrated… it’s been bugging out lately.”

“I dunno, it was working just fine last night,” you smiled, remembering how delightfully cool those fingers felt inside you.

Bucky seemed to miss it entirely, though, as he stared off into space.  “I can’t believe I got… recognized.”

“You’re a star,” you winked.  “And not just with random delivery drivers.  I’ve had a lot of press requests, everybody wants to be the first one to get nice pictures of us together— we’ve had a dozen event invites as a couple.”

“Seriously?!” he scoffed, snapping back to reality slightly enough 

“Yeah, and look what came in same-day mail this morning!”  You leaned over to shuffle through the mail on the side table before finding and handing him a letter in a gold-embossed envelope, watching him read what you knew was inside.

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association extends an invitation to Y/N Y/L/N and James Barnes to the annual Grant Banquet in support of the Young Artists Fund.

“It seems like a good first event for us,” you explained.  “Relatively small and low stakes, it’s for a good cause…”

“Are you sure I’m ready to be, you know… seen?  By people?” 

You scoffed, hardly believing how insecure he could be sometimes.  “You look great, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Will I have to talk to anybody other than you?” he asked, grimacing as if that were a form of brutal torture.

“Probably,” you admitted.

His frown deepened.  “What if I say the wrong thing?”

“I’m not that worried about you,” you smirked.  “You’re a lot better at this stuff than you think you are.”

“I don’t have anything to wear…”

You smirked, a little too proud of yourself, when you remembered the email your publicist had forwarded to you just this morning.  “Hugo Boss will pay you $1500 to wear one of their suits on the carpet.”

“They’ll pay me to wear free clothes?” he repeated with wide eyes.

“Yeah, that’s one of the cooler things about fame,” you laughed.  “I make a grand every time I wear this watch outside!”

“I guess I should send them my measurements then…” he trailed off.  “Any chance I can get in on that watch deal?”

“No, but you can make $50 by getting papped at Jamba Juice.”

He paused for a moment, scratching the back of his neck as he thought.  “Is the smoothie comped?”

“I don’t know.  Do you want me to ask?”

“...kinda…” he admitted with a shy smile.  

“Well, I will, and I’ll RSVP to this invite saying we’ll be there next week,” you decided as you started to open up the food, but Bucky stopped you by reaching for your hands.

“Are we really doing this?” he asked.

“If you want to,” you mitigated.

“Of course I do.  I guess I have to accept that you’re actually willing to be seen with me,” he chuckled.  “It’s just sort of hard to believe.”

You leaned in and kissed him; it was meant to be a casual, reassuring peck but he held you closer and you melted into him, moaning softly at his touch as you started to climb into his lap.

“The food’s gonna get cold,” he reminded you with a mumble against your lips.

Unfortunately, your literal hunger was a bit too strong to ignore, even with the growing intensity of a metaphorical hunger for Bucky.  “Alright,” you relented, getting off of him and returning your attention to the meal on the table.  “Just know that I really, really want to be seen together, in public, just in case anybody missed the news about us already.  I’m not embarrassed by you or afraid you’re going to do something dumb.  I…”

One of those words that can’t be unsaid started to bubble up in your throat and you coughed, banishing the thought.

“I really like you.  I think we have something special.”

He smiled gently, giving you one more kiss on the cheek.  “I think so, too.”

//

Since this was slightly less of a big deal than a premiere or press tour, you had managed to convince your styling team to let you dress yourself, which was why he was laying on the bed and talking to you through the bathroom door while you put on your gown.

“Do you want me to hire a new driver?” you prompted him, voice muffled slightly as he imagined your head covered in the fabric, trying to navigate through the dress.  “I don’t want you to feel… I don’t know, like a servant?”

“A servant?  You’re still paying me,” he reminded you.  “You are still paying me, right?”

“Yes,” you laughed, “but still, I would hate it if you felt like staff.  You’re my boyfriend!”

(His heart still fluttered every time you said it.)

“No new driver,” he decided.  “I can drive just fine, and considering how things went between us… let’s not open the door for anybody else,” he smirked, making you laugh in that way you did when he made a stupid joke but you still liked it somehow.

“Okay, sure, but what about being my bodyguard?  Is that too weird?” you continued.

“God no,” he scoffed, “if anything I’m gonna be better at my job than ever.  As your boyfriend, keeping you safe is my job, but since keeping you safe was already my job… it’s, like, doubled-up now.”

He lost his train of thought when you opened the door.

“How do I look?” you asked as you stepped in and gave him a spin in your new dress.  Your whole body was draped in red silk, with the exception of your back which was almost entirely exposed, as if it were begging him to run his fingers down your spine.

“Like everything I ever wanted,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.

And it was so odd that you questioned his desire to drive you, because those moments where he could steer with one hand and rest the other on your thigh, when he could catch a glimpse of you looking out the window at the city rolling by, when he got to listen to you ramble about something to kill the time during a drive; those were his favorite moments, and he wouldn’t trade them for anything.

After a relatively brief trip, you arrived at the venue, and all of a sudden he was doing what he’d fantasized about more than he’d like to admit: escorting you down a red carpet.  It was almost overwhelming— yelling, chattering, reporters speaking into camera, flashes going off in every direction—

“Hey,” you whispered, bringing your hand up to his cheek and instantly taking all his attention.

“Hey,” he returned.

“Just follow my lead,” you instructed.

“That was the plan.”

[taking-over-his-life]

I wanted to be a biker, and my new job gave me a chance Ill never forget

I had just been successful at getting a promotion as a station manager to one of the central logistics hubs. The company had a range of logistics services including parcel delivery by van, specialist delivery by motorbike, and special link to the airport for customs clearance. I was really excited about it as it was only 5 miles from my house, and it was the first opportunity to manage 100 staff that was based at this site.

 My office was on the first floor and had a window that looked out over the main logistics centre, so I could see people coming and going on bikes and in vans.    

 In my first months I spent the time to get to know the management, supervisors and staff, or as many as I could. I spent a bit of time in the staff restaurant with the men and women that work there.

 I took special interest in the motorcycle courier section as I had a general interest in the bikes as well as those who rode them. They were out in all weathers and it showed on their leathers, and faces, well worn and when you got close you could also smell their gear. It took all my will power to keep my hands off them. I watched them in the smoking area in groups, laughing and horsing about with each other. 

 I was stuck up here doing the planning. Damn they seemed so happy so free. I watched as they came in from the rain, and put their drenched leathers over the radiators in the locker room. The smell wafted upstairs upsetting the women in the admin pool. I said I'd sort it, but damn I loved it. 

 I went down so they thought I was dealing. There were two guys in the locker room were in their undies, fuck I nearly came. ‘You ok guys’, I said. ‘Fucking soaking’ one replied, the other kept his head down. ‘Well get dry before you go out’. I said ‘Do we not supply waterproofs’ I said, ‘yes but forgot them’ he said. I walked out with a nose and lung full of that masculine smell. You would often find me down there during the day to get to know the guys.

 After a couple of months it was time for me to check out the night shift.

 There were a number of people I had not met, plus I wanted to see how the shifts worked. I checked in advance, and there was one controller who was at the far side of the complex, two drivers and 1 motorcycle courier who were working that night shift. 

 I arrived at about 1 am, and went straight to my office to do a little bit of work before I introduced myself to those on duty.

 I decided to go in nice and tidy, and wear a suit. After about 30-minutes I went downstairs, and decided to go straight to the control room. There was a guy in it called Dan. He got a bit of a shock that I was there, but I had a good chat with him and asked where the drivers were. 

 Both are out on jobs but they would be back in about 2 or 3 hours. I said I would let him know if I was still here when they got back. I would also let him know when I was leaving. 

 I asked about the courier and he said he would be in the crew room which was under the admin block right at the other side of the complex. There was nothing scheduled for him that night he was just on standby for emergencies.

 I walked over to the crew room. It was about 5-minutes walk from the control room. Dan had to stay in control room to man the phone and the radio so I knew it was only me and the biker on that side of the building

 It will be interesting to meet him. It was about 3 a.m. I had a boner which is normal for me at night, I just somehow had to keep it hidden so a little bit of adjustment and I felt more comfortable.

 It was going to be interesting to see how he reacted when the boss arrived. I was always professional so didn't see it as a major problem for myself 5 minutes conversation and I'll be back upstairs and could have a real good wank.

 I went into to crew room and there was no one there that I could see, so I went around the other side by the kitchen just to see whether he was there there was no one there.  I decided to go out into a corridor and go into the locker room, it's always something I enjoy, as the smell of guys leather boots old clothes damp clothes so erotic. 

 I pushed the door open and to my shock I saw the courier on the bench in between the lockers wearing his off-road boots, leather jeans and a black T-shirt. His Boots were on the back of two seats with his hand on his dick wanking furiously.

 What shocked me is how much he was so into it, he neither heard nor saw me. I stood there getting so excited rubbing my own groin. He opened his eyes and jumped when he saw me. ‘Don't move’ I said really loudly,’keep going you need to release’. 

 He put his hand back on his dick and smiled at me, ‘you want to help’ he said beckoning me over. I did and walked over to him I got down on my knees and moved my head towards his erect dick and swallowed his shaft licking and sucking as I moaned with delight.

 My hands were on his leathered thighs, and I could feel his muscles under the warm leather. His gloved hands came over and pushed my head down so the top of his dick was at the back of my throat, I just moaned with absolute delight.

 I was inbetween his legs tasting his premium smelling his leathers and feeling the warmth of his body through the leather was just incredible.  I looked up at him pulled away from his dick, ‘upstairs’ I said, ‘I'm your new manager’ I said. He gulped and smiled, ‘ok sir’ he said. He stood up and I saw him better, ‘nice’ I said. He grabbed my ass, ‘I'd like a piece of that’. He followed me upstairs and into the admin area. I locked the door.

 That was it. We both let go of every inhibition.  We were all over each other in each others mouths ass nothing was left untouched. He took off his T to reveal a tattooed torso. I licked at those pecs and then enjoyed the days old stink from his pits, licking them clean.

 Off came his boots and socks. My head went straight into the boots pulling his foot stink into my nose and lungs. It was hypnotic, the socks were unbelievable, male hormone leather and foot smell. I decided to pull off his leather jeans. He was wearing thermals underneath. It wasn’t long before I had them off him and against my nose. He followed quickly by stripping me naked,after that it was body against body.

 He was lying on the sofa legs apart when I decided to stand over him and lower my ass onto that huge dick. He held my waist and guided me on. In seconds he was in me. Pushing hard as I bobbed up and down. I knew he was close due to the breathing and clenched my ass muscles, he came floods in side me, grunting and moaning

 I collapsed on top of him and cuddled in. He did the same. 

After 10 mins or so he got up and went to sit at my desk.  ‘Feels good’ he said, ‘how do I look?’

 I smiled at him picked up my briefs, and threw them at him. ‘You need to dress the part,’ I said. I walked over to him put my hand on his balls and said ‘but first let's get this off you’.

 I went to his dick and removed his cock ring, putting it on my own dick and balls, then the silver neck chain over his head and onto mine then his rings. 

 ‘Better dress the part’ he said.  He rushed to pull my briefs over his dick and balls, then the vest. I passed him my shirt trousers, socks, shoes and jacket, and watched him as he dressed. He was so excited.

 ‘How do you feel ‘I said, as he rubbed himself all over,’ just perfect’ he said with a smile on his face. ‘I’m the boss now and I need a biker’s dick in my ass. I want to take it over my desk’.

 I was taken aback but an offer like that can’t be refused. I moved toward him dick erect. I said ‘I’m a biker’, he said ‘put your gear on first’.

 I didn't need to be told twice and so his thermals went on my legs over my butt and encased my dick. The socks were next followed by the leather jeans. I zipped them up, felt them I was so damn horny. Then the trail boots filthy from wear went on went both my feet and got buckled up.

There was only his BO stenched black T which I pulled over my head. I was the biker now.

 ‘So boss’ I said ‘get you ass over here’. He stood up came round the desk and started to kiss me. I spun him around put my hands around his waist and undid his belt, unzipped him and let his pants fall down. I pulled down his briefs and undid my leather jeans manoeuvred my dick through the thermals pushed him face first down onto his desk. His ass was in the air. I slowly pushed my dick head against it and slowly and gradually moved in up to the hilt. I started to pull in and out then faster becoming more violent.

 He moaned in ecstasy. I was so hot I could smell his scent mingling with mine from the T shirt, and suddenly I just burst and cum flowed into his guts as I totally emptied my load. I dropped on top of him. Held him, and pulled out.

 He was just elated as was I. He pulled up the trousers and sat at my desk. 

‘Fucking incredible man I could enjoy this office, being the boss’, he said.,  ‘go get your jacket, helmet, gloves and reflective from the locker room biker man, then come back up and service your boss’ he said.  ‘They are on the bench’.

 ‘Yes boss’ I said, which excited him. I went down to the locker room, loving the feel of his jeans and boots.

 The rest of his gear was there. I pulled on his fleece which stunk of sweat, then the leather jacket. Zipped myself in and attached it to the jeans.  Fuck it felt good. His hi vis tabard and radio were next, and then I pulled his helmet over my head, and then started to pull, on the gloves. 

 Suddenly the door burst open.  I jumped, ‘Where the fuck have you been Dave’ Dan the controller shouted, ‘get the fuck on that bike Dave, I have an urgent pick up’. He gave me a ticket. ‘Get a fucking move on he screamed’.

 I had no choice I grabbed my gloves and headed out to the bike. He believed I was Dave. 

 The keys were in it. I started it up, entered the details into the sat nav pulled on the gloves and rode off

 It was about 4am, freezing cold and the rain was belting down. Ages since it rode a bike but his gear felt so warm and soft on my skin. I rode for 30mins feeling more erotic, and more at home in his gear. I walked in as a courier and picked up a parcel the guy gave me. He gave me an address for delivery. I put it in the satnav and headed off for the delivery. Before I did it I called into control to let Dan know.

 Before I set off, I got a call from the real Dave. ‘Where the fuck are you’ he said. I explained. ‘What do I do’ he said ‘people will arrive in a couple of hours.’ He was shit scared.  ‘Go to my place .car keys in top drawn it’s the BMW outside. I gave him my address. I was due to be off for a few days.

 It was 530 when it delivered the parcel. I was soaked, but it was so damn sexual and the smell from his gear incredible. The leathers were so tight on me must be the rain I thought.

 I reported to control. I was off at 6 so they told me to go home. I was exhausted

 It was two hours to my place. I was soaked the weather was worse. I wondered where he lived. I rang he answered 

 ‘I'm fucking soaked and freezing’ I said in a gruffer voice than normal, must be the cold. , ‘welcome to my life man’ he replied. ‘I’m in old street, where do u live I cant ride 2 hours in this rain’ I said, he replied. ‘Your ten mins away’ ‘Thank heavens, I’ll go to your place and come over to tomorrow’   ‘ok’ he said, he sounded different. 

 ‘Have u been drinking’ I shouted, ‘yep nice place here’ he said’ just be careful in my place’ I retorted ‘Great body’ he said, ‘what’ I responded, I didn’t know what he meant.  I felt the rain coming through on my chest, and my beard was rubbing on my helmet. Beard? I just put the thought away and headed to his place.

  I parked the bike and headed upstairs to the flat. I found the keys in an outside pocket of the soaked leather jacket. I got inside and started to undress. Helmet. Came off my head, I pulled the gloves off finger by finger, as they stuck to me. Totally sodden. The, soaked, jacket, was unzipped, and fell down my shoulders. Then the damp stinking fleece came away from my chest, then my BO covered t-shirt, I was naked on top and cold. I rushed to remove the boots, full of water; my feet were freezing, then my thermals and socks. I left them all n a pile in the hallway and headed to the bedroom. I saw the bed through the darkness and just jumped in.

 ‘Your fucking freezing’, came a shout from a woman. ‘Fuck’ I said. I pulled the duvet over my head and my ring caught in my hair, hair?  I curled up and she came over and wrapped herself around me. ‘Poor bugger’ she said ‘let's warm you up’. I was terrified she would notice I wasn’t Dave, but I felt best to just stay there and be quiet.  I felt her breasts against my back. Fucking hell, what is going to happen when she sees me and realises I'm not Dave. 

 It felt so good as she as she cuddled in. I went to sleep. The next minute, which must have been hours later, as it was daylight, she was sitting on the bed looking at me with a hot drink. I was shocked she accepted me. I took the drink and as I looked at my hands they were different tattooed, ‘fucking hell’ I said to myself. I put down the drink and walked naked to a mirror. I was shocked I was him it was his face his body. I felt his longer hair his beard, he was a hard biker. I could see the tats on my arms and chest, I was him, My dick started to harden as I felt myself. I liked it.

 ‘How, why’. I was stunned. She came and wrapped herself around me. ‘You still as gorgeous’ she said as she pulled me to the bed, pushed me down, and undressed.

 She was on me in seconds working my dick which responded. I felt her breasts and soon I turned her over and was fucking her for dear life.

 This new body responded to her touch feel and smell like nothing I've ever felt it was so erotic.

 I spent the rest of the day sleeping knowing that I had to get myself over to my own house that evening. The more time I spent in this body as Dave the more I liked it and I decided that maybe keeping it for a few extra days wouldn't harm anyone and will allow him a little bit of luxury in my place.

 She dropped off all of my leathers and so I took the opportunity of putting the same on and telling her I was going out for a ride.

 ‘Can I come’ she said. ‘yes babe’ I replied. I was starting to talk like him. Out came a cig and I started to smoke as I pulled on all my gear.  she disappeared to get ready and when she came out she was dressed head-to-toe in tight black leather with stilettos heels. I couldn't believe it she I couldn't believe it she was incredible. I grabbed her around the waist as we walked down to the bike. I was heading out into the country speeding all the way eventually stopping at a small coffee bar next to some Woods.

 We had something to eat and drink all the time she's rubbing her leg on mine under the table I felt it was time we took a walk the wooded area.

 When we got in there she started kiss me. I was a lot taller than her. So I lifted her up my placing my arms under her legs and pulling her upwards against the tree. She was now level with my face. I took my hand and unzipped her leather jeans which had its zip from back to front

 I was kissing her I gradually unzipped my leather jeans my erect dick pushing in her direction till I found her hole. I pounded her against the tree and she enjoyed every second moaning with Delight.

 I came deep inside of her we lay down on the ground and chatted she said that I seemed different. I asked ‘was good or bad?’ ‘very good ‘she said. after that we walked back to the bike and headed back to the flat

 I received a call from Dave. He told me how much you was enjoying his new richer life and would I be prepared to stay in his place for a little longer.

  I immediately said yes as I was quite enjoying the change he started to laugh

 I came to realise that the change was created by exchanging clothes and getting the sweat of the other person on me. I wondered if he had ever done this before. He told me it was a regular event between himself and his girlfriend. I was shocked, he had been her? He told me how erotic it was and how much she liked it. It was only his body that could do it.

  I couldn't believe what I just heard.  That night I asked her if she wanted to change and she said yes.  She loved to have a dick to fuck with again and so she began to gradually undress and I did the same.

 I took out a joint and had a beer in my hand as I sat and watched the show. She slowly and sensually started to undress. The bedroom was dimly lit and she was high. She sat on the floor in front of me and lifted one leg. Resting her stiletto boot on my knee. I moved forward and found the zip near her vagina and started to slowly pull it down to the sole of her boot, he leg slipped out. My nose immediately went into the boot.

 I did the same with the second one putting it to the side. She stood up in front of me as she turned around and asked me to untie the Basque. I did, it fell to the floor.

 My dick was just raging; I stood up and rubbed myself against her. ‘It will soon be yours Dave she said, ‘all yours’ you can then be fucked so hard. She rubbed her leathered hands over her huge ass and crotch. Smiling at me. ‘you want’ yes yes’ I said.

 ‘unzip me’ she said. I put my hand up to her neck and started to pull the zipper down on the one piece. Right down to her privates. I pushed the leather over her shoulders and unzipped the small zips at her wrists and pulled it off her arms it dropped open near her ass. She was wearing a leather bra, which was filled with her ample breasts.

 She sat on the bed, as I pulled the one piece past her ass and off her legs, I knew id be in it soon, and I was as hard as iron seeping precum.

She undid her stockings and rolled them down her legs throwing them as me. I caught them, then the suspender belt came off and now the leather knickers. ‘These are yours now’ she said. I lit any another joint, and keep drinking. ‘I want to be fucked in your body ‘I screamed.

 ‘Get you gear off man, its mine now’ she said ‘OK OK and I hurried to strip down naked. She smacked my dick and said ‘Ill be using that soon’,

 ‘help me off with my bra she said’. I undid the clasp and she pulled the leather bra off. Sit on the bed she said, and from behind me she put my arms through the bra, it rested on my chest too small for me but soon my chest began to change, it got smaller in girth and started to produce women’s breasts, that started to fill the bra. The nipples were so damn sensitive and I moaned as she fastened the clasp.

  She picked up her knickers and passed them to me and I put my leg through them and pull them up over my massive dick. It started to disappear and I became thinner as the knickers started to fall into place on my body. I was in an other world. She stood behind me and put the suspender belt on me, my hips changed to fit them. She then moved to the floor and put a stocking on my left foot which immediately reshaped itself and rolled them up attaching them to the belt. I couldn’t move or do anything it was like a permanent orgasm. She then did the other leg, and I could see I was now becoming her.

 She passed me her one-piece leather she had been wearing it was very tight on her and showed her ass. I put my legs into the leather and pushed my left leg down and it went in really easy because of the nylons.

 I could feel myself getting thinner and smaller and more curvaceous she came up behind me to help me to pull up the leather one piece so it was over my shoulders and I slid my new arms into it.  I then pulled the zip all the way up from my new vagina up past my new huge tits and up to my neck

 she then placed the Basque around my waist and started to lace it so it pulled my waist in making my ass look bigger it felt so so good. the rest was down to me as she was dressing in my gear.  I picked up this stilettos and with the right one I pushed my new foot into it and pulled it right way up to my waist I got hold of the zip and pulled it up.  I did exactly the same with the other leg.

 I picked up her leather jacket and gloves and pulled them on. Was this real, I felt all over my new body, the tight leather, inside was incredible the feelings.  

 I walked over to the mirror and I saw her reflection, not Dave’s I had changed places so what Dave had said was true. I sat down somewhat shocked enjoying the new experience and watching her dress as me and gradually her looks her body her size all changed she was now the new Dave.

 She (or he) wanted to go out on the bike again, this time to be in control to go to the same place and follow through with the same fuck session this afternoon, but she would be in control and I would be the one against the tree.

 I was more than happy to oblige, I wanted to know how it felt.  I followed him down to the bike, the new tight leathers rubbing my sensitive skin. Mt breasts we just so erotic as they moved in the bra and the leather knickers just slid backward and forward with my precum. I sat on the back for the first time and placed my arms around his waist. it was so sensual as I rested my breasts on his back

 What an incredible experience when we got there, he helped me off the bike holding my ass as we went into the woods. It wasn’t easy walking in stilettos so he held me close, This body was reacting. When we got to the tree, he gently rested me against it, kissing me as he rubbed my breasts. I had my leathered hand on his leather dick and gradually unzipped him and pulled it out. I licked his precum from my leather glove as we kissed.  His hands went in-between my legs and held my thighs lifting me off the ground so my vagina was opposite his erect dick, I pulled down my zip and pulled out my new breasts and then pushed the zip right down so it was opened right to my ass.

 the next minute his huge dick found the target, I was in ecstasy waiting for an experience no man has ever had. He started to push and his head slid into me, My head went backwards in ecstasy as he pushed it right up to the hilt. After that he was backward and forward in and out till he shots loads inside of me and I orgasmed.  my first female orgasm.

 The whole experience was incredible; I understand why these two do this regularly. No way was I going to give this up.

We rode home, stripped off, returned to ourselves and got absolutely drunk and drugged.

All this time the real Dave was texting me. I ignored it. He was wondering where I was. Fuck him; I’m not going back to what I was. I’m Dave and I’m not changing back.

[fosermi]

Smile

A lego monkie kid fic about redson rediscovering the true meaning of a smile.

Do enjoy and tell me what you think!

AO3 link:

===

smile. 

Verb, to form one's features into a pleased, kind, or amused expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

Noun, a pleased, kind, or amused facial expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up and the front teeth exposed.

A smile…

Redson knew its meaning for he has smiled on multiple occasions. He had read about smiles, and the supposed joy it brought to those who did the act of smiling and those around them. After the imprisonment of his father, however, that ideology clashed with his reality. 

His smiles no matter what could not bring his mother happiness. He couldn’t bring her happiness.

And so for the next 5 centuries, the true meaning of a smile faded away and dissolved in the crushing truth of reality for the young demon. 

However, ever since a certain meddling noodle delivery boy fell on top of him the day they freed his father, he has often caught himself smiling more and more. 

Every other week, redson would attempt to attain power to give to his father in order to prove his worth in their family. Even though his plans and attempts would continually be thwarted by the monkey king’s successor and his friends. 

But, despite his losses, the fire demon had started to feel a far-off forgotten feeling deep within. An odd, yet comforting feeling. He felt something similar whenever his father would acknowledge him. However, it was still a different feeling when he would combat with his new enemies. 

His facial expressions would unwillingly contort into, what he reasoned with himself, a smirk or a cocky grin. Even after his defeats, he would march up to his room in a fury, only to have the corners of his lips turn upwards as a new plan starts brewing in his genius brain.

He found himself in a pinch, slowly starting to care less and less about victory and care more about getting to see them again.

Lowly observing the noodle boy and his group of "friends", he couldn't help but always see their smiles of victory after every victory. The happiness radiating from them blinding like a sun that descended onto the earth in the dead of night. 

Seeing them so happy… Redson discovered a new emotion. One he didn't understand. One he didn't like.

That night, redson laid awake in bed, dictionary in hand as he scoured through the pages to explain the feeling he had, the feeling he didn't like. Then a word caught his sight. 

A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.

Envy. 

Redson's whole world came to a grinding halt. Was he really envious? Envious of what? 

Surely he was envious of them for winning all the time… for denying his family's rightful place at the top…

Right…?

When his father was taken over by the White Bone Spirit's powers, redson had no choice but to team up with his rival. A brief moment of thought was spared by the fire demon, believing that maybe… just maybe… this time he too can smile in victory. 

Maybe this time, he too can win. 

Maybe this time, he too can smile.

It was a brief battle against his father, however a successful one. They managed to free him from the possessive powers of the strange bones they dug up. He watched his mother walk up to his father and gave a small smile as she pressed their foreheads together. 

A genuine smile. 

Something he had never been able to make his mother do. And yet, at that moment he too was smiling as a light and soft feeling swept his entire body, washing away all fear and doubt. 

His whole body held nothing but relief at that moment, completely ignoring the fact that he had robbed his father of his position on top of everyone. Yet, at that moment, it didn't matter. That feeling of envy never came. 

Since then, he had seen his mother smile more, glad to have her husband back and her son safe. Since then, she has been less harsh on her son. Since then, redson had been able to focus on himself for once. 

He would often go out on walks or even go to the arcade whenever he could to escape the confinement of his own home. But he couldn't escape the growing envy within himself whenever he saw the noodle boy and dragon girl around the city.

But why? 

They weren't thwarting any plans of his. They weren't bringing down his father from his rightful place. So why? 

 Why was he feeling so envious?

That's when it hit him. They were always together, never alone. Never not smiling. Unlike readson, always locked up in his room, always tinkering. Never smiling. He was lonely.

But maybe, if he could spend some time with his father, he would be less so. Then maybe, he will no longer feel envy. No longer feel alone. 

Storming back home with a grin, redson asked his parents to change careers, to open up a small barbecue shop for them. Maybe then can he spend time with his parents, maybe then they would no longer gain scars from battle. 

To redson surprise, it was his father who verbally agreed first, slowly easing in his mother to the idea. Eventually, yet reluctantly, she too agreed. 

They opened up a small stall by new-year, prepared to serve any willing customer. 

Who knew setting up a stall for the new year would drag redson on to fight alongside his rival while his father was captured. Even though it was a dangerous mission for them to go to heaven and steal a couple of items while spider demons, redson had finally felt needed. He wasn't about to let that go to waste. 

Although the noodle boy and his friends were a bit idiotic or annoying at times, he found himself having fun. 

The most fun he's had in centuries.

He smiled more than what he had smiled in centuries too, something he didn't believe he could do anymore. Yet here he was, enjoying his time working with his arch enemies.

The proud look in his father's eyes didn't go by redson unnoticed when the dragon horse girl teased him for being good. He didn't miss the lowly growl his father had sent her way when she started laughing at redson. 

That day, marked the first day his father had ever called him "son". The day, he truly got his father back. Something about his father acknowledging him as his son again made redson nearly burst out in joy. 

For the next week, Redson's smile never faded, no matter what had happened. Not until he took a day off from their new job to go relax at the arcade for the evening did his smile fade. 

The noodle boy and the dragon horse girl were hanging out and laughing. Smiling. Making everyone around them happy. It was obvious they were having a party after a minute of observing, one he most likely wouldn't be invited in. So he promoted himself to leave. 

Except he couldn't. 

In front of him now stood the green and yellow duo, blocking his exit. They had noticed him. Taking up a defensive pose, redson prepared for a fight, only to be completely stunned by the noodle boy extending his hand out for him with a soft smile. 

"Care to join?" Was all he said. A small offer of friendship. How could they be so trusting? He is a demon after all! 

"It just wouldn't be fair if we celebrated without the one who saved the city!" Chimed in the dragon girl, offering a reason to their actions. 

A reason good enough to make redson drop his defenses. He reasoned that these two could never possibly hold an evil bone in their body. At least not one that would make them actively act out a well executed trap. 

"Fine" redson said with a huff as he straightened out his coat. Causing the goody-goody duo to jump around excitedly. An outburst that enviably led to the dragon girl dragging redson and the noodle boy back into the party. 

 Redson found himself smiling all throughout the night. He found himself, for once, able to have fun. Able to share joy with others through his music. He was bombarded with appreciation by the people in the arcade that night for his actions during the new year. He found that his envy had been completely replaced by joy and a sense of fulfillment. 

Redson was happy, but couldn't bring himself to stay at the party for long. 

He stood outside of the arcade far off into the corner as not to be noticed by those who pass by him. 

A tear fell from his eyes. 

He was crying, he didn't understand why, but he was. 

He slumped down as more and more tears fell from his eyes all the while suppressing sobs, making it difficult for the demon to breathe. 

Soon a comforting hand landed gently on his back, causing the fire demon to look up only to find a familiar yellow sit next to him. 

"I don't know why you're crying, but you should know that you can trust us whenever you need help…" such comforting words from his enemy. Redson didn't understand… he couldn't comprehend. 

"Why…?" Was all he could choke out, managing to catch the surprised look in the demon’s eyes.

The hero let out a small sigh before looking up at the barely visible stars in the sky. "Sometimes, we all need a smile and a comforting hug… everyone deserves it but some unable to find it…" 

The rest of the night was spent in silence, enjoying each other's company.

Deep down… Maybe… Redson really did just need a smile...

[duhragonball]

Bulma

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them: Somewhere around 1998, Kurt Busiek took over as the writer for the Iron Man comic.   This was back when Iron Man wasn’t particularly popular and the last two attempts to reboot the guy had failed.   I read an interview in Wizard Magazine where Kurt promoted his upcoming run, and he explained the character this way: Tony Stark is a superhero, an inventor, a ladies’ man, and a billionaire.    You could have a blast writing a comic book about any one of those four things, but he’s all four.    I may have gotten those four items wrong, partly because it’s been 22 years, and partly because it was more famous when Robert Downey Junior echoed that pitch in 2012.    Take away the armor, and what is he?   A billionaire genius philanthropist.   

My point is that this is the appeal to Bulma as well.    When we first meet her, she’s an adventurer, but then we find out she invented the device that lets her locate the Dragon Balls.  And her mission is a romantic quest, so she’s like the heroine in a romance story.    Then we meet her parents, and it turns out she’s a wealthy heiress.    Well, I’m assuming Dr. Brief doesn’t plan on leaving his fortune to all of his pets, but you get the idea.  

There’s a lot of versatility to the character.   Some arcs barely make use of her, but others take full advantage.    You can plop her in almost any scenario and it works.    You want to write her at a fancy charity dinner?   She’d fit right in.   You want her teaching shop class in your high school AU?   No problem at all.   You want her to seduce a bad guy?     You want her to shoot a bad guy?    You want her to be the bad guy?   It all works.  

The main thing people dislike about Bulma is the way she treated Yamcha when they were together, and she’s kind of a jerk a lot of the time.    Fair point, but I think this adds to the character.   If she were sweet as could be and a rich, attractive polymath, she’d be downright insufferable.    Also, her attitude plays off of the compassion she shows through the series.   I can’t explain her behavior around Yamcha, but she did offer free room and board to the entire population of Namek, so I feel like that needs to be taken into consideration.

Why I don’t: In the first... hundred or so episodes of DBZ, Bulma doesn’t get a lot of chances to shine, despite all the screentime they gave her.   Early into my DBZ-watching experience, I found her to be something like a shriller version of TMNT’s April O’Neil, a sidekick whose job was to look cute and get into danger so the good guys could save her.   She really doesn’t get back into her groove until she returns to Earth, and once I saw those episodes, and her time in the original Dragon Ball, the character began to make a lot more sense.   Really, the Bulma in DBZ #1 through 108 was probably intended to demonstrate how out-of-hand the situation was.   She fixed the scouter and then it exploded.   She fixed Nappa’s spaceship and it exploded.   She fixed Kami’s spaceship and then Namek exploded.    She just couldn’t keep up with the crisis. 

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Not exactly any one episode, but one of my favorite bits in the Red Ribbon Army Sagas is that the RRA has their own Dragon Radar, but it’s not portable, or anywhere near as precise as the one Bulma invented.    It’s Goku’s biggest advantage during that conflict, and when it breaks, there’s literally no one else who can fix it.    Those magic babies from Arale could make a new one, but I’m pretty sure they only did that by copying the design or something.   And the RRA assumes that Goku must have an entire team of scientists providing him with logistical support, and that Master Roshi must be their leader, since he’s so old.  

Also, near the end of the arc, Bulma needs to call Yamcha on the phone, but Roshi doesn’t have one, and then Turtle suggests that Bulma should just build one from scratch, since she had just finished building a robot drone a few episodes earlier.    And she’s like “Oh, yeah, I forgot I knew how to do that.”

Favorite season/movie: The Androids/Cell arc is a big deal because it has two Bulmas, and her son is in it too.   

And this is what I mean when I talk about versatility.    That Super Dragon Ball Heroes series has two Gokus and two Vegetas, and I have no idea why, because they’re exactly the same, except one pair does SSJ4 and the other does Super Saiyan Blue.   Bulma’s got more layers, so in a story like this, you can have 30-something Bulma care for an infant son and tackle logistical problems while she figures out her relationship with Vegeta, while the 50-something Bulma in the future can be this strong-yet-gentle post-apocalyptic survivalist, who hopes for a better tomorrow as she longs for her fallen friends.  

Favorite line: I’m gonna stray from the canon for a minute, because I’m having trouble coming up with something, but in DBZ Abridged, when she’s arguing with Vegeta during his training session, they just start shouting “Fuck you!” at each other.    Then she stops and says: “My room.    Ten minutes.” 

And holy shit, the delivery on that line was incredible. I knew they’d try to do something to set up their relationship, but there’s no footage to do that with, so they did it all with one line and some killer VA work.

Favorite outfit: This is a big, big wardrobe to choose from, but I’m partial to the one she wore in the Imperfect Cell Saga.

I can’t really explain the appeal, but I like this hairstyle and the clothing looks like authentic stuff you could actually buy at a store, which just makes it feel more real, even though it’s not any more detailed than her other outfits.    I’m not sure that makes any sense.    The trucker hat looks cute on her, let’s leave it there.

OTP: You know, there’s a lot of chemistry between Bulma and Yajirobe, and even though it’s kind of a rarepair, I can’t help but-- Okay, it’s her and Vegeta.   I’ll stop messing around.   

Brotp: Definitely her and Goku.  I’m imagining the set up to the DBS Broly movie going like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna invite Goku along on our trip.    That way you can fight him when you get bored.”

“Why do you keep asking him to tag along I can’t stand him.” 

“Yeah, but I like him and I paid for the resort, so I guess you gotta deal with it.” 

“...”  

Then he shows up and she sends him on some ridiculous mission to search the ocean floor for sunken treasure or something.   

Head Canon: Future Bulma does tech support in Toki Toki/Conton City, because Xenoverse is canon and the Goku Black Saga can just bugger right off because it never happened.   

She shows up from time to time to check on all the Capsule Corp tech in the city, and she drops by just to say hi to her boy, and also she has coffee with my Mary Sue OC, because Future Bulma appreciates how tough and cool my writing is.

Unpopular opinion: The Vegebul ship probably gets way too much attention.  Not that it’s a bad ship or that it doesn’t deserve the attention, but it feels like a buffet where all anyone gets is ranch dressing.    They just ignore the rest of the spread and fill an entire bowl with ranch and head back to the table to drink it.   Then they come right back and line up for another helping.  

I’m not knocking it.   I have a Vegebul calendar in my kitchen.   But it reminds me of how the “comics fandom” in the late 90′s was really just an X-Men fandom that acknowledged that other comic books hypothetically existed.

They’re gonna come after me now, aren’t they?

A wish: A lifetime supply of strawberries does sound kind of nice...

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I hope we’re done with Bulma’s Resurrection F outfit for good.   The cowboy boots, no, we’re done with that. 

5 words to best describe them: Five would never be enough.

My nickname for them: Don’t have one.   Vegeta calls her “woman”, but I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t go over well if I started doing that.

[revengeoftheantichrist]

From Eden

Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy, Work-place harassment 

AO3  <<<Previous

Chapter 4

The staff on the upper level was being reshuffled today. This was an annual thing; it happened as the reproduction programme occasionally let greys change ranks, meaning certain positions had to filled and timetables changed. You didn’t have to worry about a lot, your position was permanent due to the speciality of your work. That’s what you thought anyway. “Y/N, my office please?” your manager had called. What was it this time? You got up and followed him, shutting the door behind you and taking a seat. “Is everything alright sir?” He hesitated a little before replying, “you are getting a promotion of sorts.” You looked confused. “The king has issued an order. He wants a personal garden on the 9th floor. Your track record is fantastic, so you will oversee the project and team. He has set some requirements that you’ll have to design around. Other than that, you have free reign basically, do what you want with it,” he finished. You sat there in shock. A personal royal garden that you were responsible for. One fuck up could be your demise. “I really don’t know what to say. I’m assuming I can’t turn it down.” He shook his head, “He wants the team to move down there too, so get packing. This afternoon, yourself and Lucy can go down and have a look at the space you have to work with and start getting some designs and plans down. You have all the resources available to you.” “when will we be moving?” “Tomorrow.” With that you were dismissed. //// “Hey Luce, have you ever seen what the king looks like?” You were on your delivery run to the 9th floor, where you’d be let in to see your project area. “no, I haven’t. But Sam did once, I think. I think he said something about him looking like a better version Michelangelo’s David,” she replied. You would describe ‘Adam’ in the same way. “Sam? Sam who then had to lick his boots then had his eye gouged out for ‘staring too much’?” She nodded. You had reached the delivery entrance. “Good afternoon Ms Mead, looking sexy as ever today,” you greeted. Her stoic face broke out into a little grin at your comment. “You’re damn right I look sexy. Anyway, leave the produce here, one of the staff will collect it. I’m sure you were told about your new job, so ill give you a tour,” she led you both in, swiping her special key card. You were nervous for some reason. Your survival depended on this. You gasped at seeing the inside of the 9th floor. It was dark and regal. Golds, blacks and reds. Marble polished to perfection. Priceless art pieces everywhere. This truly was the abode of a dark king. “Michael’s bust elsewhere so you don’t have to worry about seeing him too much,” Ms Mead clarified. Michael. The king’s name was Michael. You liked the way it tasted on your tongue. Repeating it to yourself a few times. You smiled to yourself, deciding that it was your favourite name. “Here we are, this is the space. Its right in the centre of everything.” She pointed to the circular marble stone in the centre, “You must build around that, but it’s all in the briefing and floor plans you were sent. I’ll come collect you in about 30 minutes. Do not wander off on your own,” with that final warning she let you be. You got closer to the stone. It was carved with deep channels in the shape of a pentagram. It must have been an alter of sorts. You’d assumed rituals would happen in dark spaces, but it seemed like the king wanted a sort of natural meditation space. One of the requirements was that’s the alter had to be surrounded by pomegranate trees. How very Hades of him. The tress cultivated in Eden were ancient, from Iran. You wondered how the family that had tended to them for generations felt on the day the trees were taken from them. Thousands of years of love and care could be tasted in the sweetness of the fruit, in the vibrancy of the dye the fruit created. Who had planted that first seed? What had those trees seen? Whose blood fertilised the soil? You felt it your duty to nurture those trees. And now you would have to part form some of them, it upset you a little, but you didn’t think about it too long, you had a whole other garden to plan. Mead eventually came to escort you out, needing to prepare for tomorrow. You gave instructions on beginning to remove the marble and the other structural changes that would need to be made for ‘little Eden’. The king had watched you leave from the balcony, smirking. //// Being a grey meant you didn’t have many belongings, so the room took you and hour to pack. You felt a little sad seeing it in three boxes. It had been your refuge for 5 years. A safe haven away from everything that went on outside of it. But for the past two weeks, even this safe haven had been invaded by outside forces. You dreams unnerved you. It was as if Adam had become a part of your unconscious mind. All you dreamed about was him. The pair of you in a garden, surrounded by little ones. But there were also snakes, a voice warning you to not bite the fruit. Catholic school didn’t prepare you for biblical dream interpretation. You tried to forget about them during the day, but all this talk of repopulation made it difficult. There were so many confirmed pregnancies, you wondered if you had the capacity for them all. It all reached its peak in February, everyone wanted Halloween babies, but so far there had been no Halloween babies. Your thoughts were interrupted by Lucy coming to get you. You gave the room one final look before handing the keys to the guard. A snake slithering out just before you shut the door. //// Your room on the 9th floor was closest to the garden, but furthest from anyone else. In order to save space, everyone was doubled up. Except for you. You had your room to yourself. It was a little lonely. But most of your hours were spent in the meeting room, discussing and finalising plans. Your final design had been approved; it was your dream garden, except for the alter in the middle. Work had begun; the marble removed, the piping for the water features in place, drainage and irrigation systems were ready and the artificial sunlight and temperature regulators were placed. All you had to do was plant and maintain. It was easier said than done, especially when a certain inspector liked to bother you. “Good afternoon Y/N,” Michael hummed from above you. You glared up at him, literally knee deep in dirt. “What do you want now? Was spilling my juice not enough for you this morning?” He had walked past your table that morning, knocking your drink from the table making it spill all over you. “There’s plenty of other things I could spill on you.” You scoffed and rolled you eyes at him, going back to checking roots and planting things. This was going to be a pond, everything had to be done before it was filled with water and koi. After five minutes, Michael got bored of watching you work. You were far too meticulous. But then again, this garden was for you, that’s why he let you design it. He imagined laughter ringing through the trees in a few years time. He’d get there. No, You’d get there. He wanted your full attention on him, so decided to be childish, throwing little rock off you and winding you up. “Oi! Pack it in! what are you? 9?” you still didn’t look up to him. “Yeah, Inches,” he replied. “Whatever you say,” you mumbled. He threw a bigger rock at your forehead this time, making you stop and finally look up at him. He watched your jaw clench in anger, and he laughed at you. You trudged over to him, stopping right Infront of him. You didn’t say anything, but he reached his hand out to help you out. Instead you pulled him into the mud. You turned back around to what you were doing, leaving him face first in the dirt, chuckling to yourself. Michael slowly got up, wiping his face. He hadn’t been this dirty since his sojourn. Had you been anyone else, you would now be a pile of ash, or in the dungeons for him to torture later. Instead he tackled you into the dirt. The pair of you broke out into a little scuffle, rolling around in the dirt. “Get off me! You’re too heavy!” you whined. His blond hair was now stained brown, your own grey uniform having the same fate. “No, I think I’m quite comfortable here,” he replied. “I’ll bite you; I’ll bite a whole chunk out of your face do not test me.” He grinned,” just like the bitch you are then.” You blew a raspberry at him, using your full strength to push him off you and to stand up. “My shift is over I’m leaving,” you turned to go. “At least help me clean up,” he pouted. “There greys specifically for that, I’m sure the king will let you borrow one of his,” with that you marched off, leaving the king in the dirt. //// You tracked mud through the hallway, wanting desperately just to clean up. “Y/N you look like shit,” Lucy pointed out. “I know,” you slammed your door open and closed. You peeled your overalls off and hopped in the shower. Watching the water turn from brown to clear. You had felt ‘Adams’ ‘Nine Inches’ when you were wrestling. You started to wonder how he’d feel inside you, the thought making you ache. You ran your hands down your body, to your wet folds, relieving yourself of the tension. You should have been more careful of your surroundings, you would have noticed the king watching you, relieving himself of his own tension.

Next>>>

[record-on-the-shelf]

Being a Starbucks Barista During COVID-19

So…I’m a Starbucks barista that decided to go back to work. For those of you who don’t know, Starbucks gave their employees the option of whether they wanted to go back to work or not. We get paid our average hours through May 3 regardless of what we decide. I’ve been with the company for over 2 years now and have never taken a vacation. So of course I took advantage of taking a week off and getting paid to do that. Being who I am, I lasted only 1 week before I got stir crazy and wanted to go back to work. There were also some good incentives to go back to work such as our usual free drink/food and coffee bean mark-outs, but we also get an extra $3/hr, 50% discount and tips. The tips definitely make it worth it (I went from getting $20 to $120 every week!!). Anyways, I got some insight for you on what it is like to work during COVID-19 as a Starbucks barista.

Company-wide: Cafe stores are closed, hours have changed, drive thru and grab-and-go only. Most stores in each district are closed. The amount of stores that are open are dependent on the amount of employees willing to work. We, the employees, are not to blame for stores not being open close to hospitals. The stores are determined based on if they have drive thrus and if they have enough space to accommodate grab-and-go pickup. 

My store: We are only open 7-2 because our district thought it was best to have 2 stores open instead of 1 to alleviate the line a bit. Our line begins forming 30 mins to open and continues being busy until we cut off the line 30 mins to close. Sometimes, the line gets out of hand and wraps onto the main road in front of our building. We have had the cops come and redirect the traffic because it gets bad at times. Typically our line is 30+ cars long and it takes us anywhere from 30-50 mins to get through the line depending on how large the orders are and who is actually making the drinks. People make the decision to get in line despite knowing it will take awhile.

At my store in particular, we get quite a few bad, rude and/or entitled customers.

“Since I can’t come inside to enjoy my drink, can I get 2 free coffees that Starbucks is offering?” Umm..what now? We are in a pandemic and we are not giving you free coffees because of the mild inconvenience. On top of that, the offer is for front-line health care workers to get a free tall hot/iced coffee. The coffee isn’t for bored soccer moms with nothing else to do...

“This line is ridiculous!! You need to get employees that can actually do their jobs.” Sorry you feel that way. We have been trying our best. Taking it out on the employees is not going to solve the problem. On top of that, we don’t have enough employees. If you want the store to remain open, you have to deal with the line. Plus we didn’t hold you at gunpoint to get in line. The only way to make the line shorter is for customers to obey the stay at home order.

“You need to open more stores.” Sorry, we don’t have enough employees. (I had to repeat this at least 3 times per person because they weren’t grasping the concept of work being voluntary.)

My manager and I went out to cut off the line because we were about to close and a woman tried cutting in front of 10 cars to make sure she could still get a drink. I told her that the line goes back behind her, that she was cutting the line, and that we were not taking any more customers. She ignored me, sped to the back of the line where my manger was and lied to her saying that I told her that she could get in line. My manger, not wanting to deal with it, told her that I 100% didn’t say that but let her in anyways to avoid any more lies and yelling.

Customers have attempted to bribe the barista stopping the line to let them in. 

Several customers have ran over our sign with our hours that blocks the drive thru when we close. They think that by getting into the drive thru lane automatically means we have to serve them. Sorry, that is not the case.

One customer yanked and banged on the front door after we closed. Keep in mind, we have 4 signs on our door and I wrote our hours largely on the windows too. He proceeded to look confused, walked around to the side of our building to the drive thru window and started banging there too. If he didn’t leave, we were going to call the cops. Thank goodness it didn’t have to come to that. Our store has made too many calls to the police this past year.

“You guys always run out of food.” We order as much food as we can that makes sense. We have donated so much food to Salvation Army at the end of each day. Trust me, we only run out of popular food and that happens maybe an hour to close. If you come late, there’s a good chance that the food item you want will be gone. 

Customers will crowd around the front door and attempt to drink on the patio. We have to continuously go outside to tell customers to stay 6ft apart and that they have to enjoy their drinks in their car and not by the door.

A lot of young teens come through the drive thru and then park in the lot to spend time with each other. 9 times out of 10, they don’t practice social distancing. Since they are on our property, we can get in trouble too so we try to shut it down as much as we can.

I also spend a lot of time online when I am not at work. I’ve looked on reddit, tumblr, twitter, facebook and the news to see what customer concerns were.

One customer was mad that they could no longer access the free internet we provide. Saying that we “needlessly closed the cafes.” Sir, we are not purposely attacking you. We have to think about our safety as well as yours. If you need internet, several grocery stores have free internet. You can sit in the parking lot and still access it in most cases. 

“Starbucks is not an essential business and shouldn’t be open.” I generally agree with you. However, the amount of healthcare workers that come through and show us immense amount of gratitude makes it worth it. We are meant to be open to serve them. Sadly, we get more people that are meant to stay home, coming in. They make the line too long where some essential workers don’t have time to sit and wait.

Customers have been complaining on reddit that we have been rude. I can’t speak for other stores, but mine has tried to remain positive and friendly. Keep in mind that we are scared and worried just like you. We can only hold back our fear from turning negative for so long. We deal with customers not following social distancing and the stay at home order coming in. They can be mean and downright disrespectful at times. We wish that we could refuse service but we need to keep in mind our policies. Overall, we are stressed to the very limit while working. All stores are. Lines are too long, some cars have families who order 6 custom drinks that take extra time. Then mobile/delivery orders come through with up to 20 drink orders at a time. 

However, there are some pretty great times too.

Customers bring in their dogs to get pup cups. I take pictures of course! They brighten up our day so much.

Customers are generous with tips. We may have tipped the scale a bit by putting two tip jars out with a yes or no questions attached to them. We have done simple questions too like “do you like cats or dogs?” or our best question was “Did Carol Baskin kill her husband?” We have fun with it and so do our customers.

We get customers that are extremely funny or pleasant to talk to while we make their drinks.

We get to meet employees from all around and make new friends. 

We have the honor of serving our front-line workers.

If you decide to come to Starbucks:

Make sure you have time to wait in line.

If you don’t have 30+ mins, mobile order and come to the front door. Please give us at least 5-10 mins if you can.

Pay with card or phone to prevent cash handling. Every time we handle cash, that person has to go to the back room and wash their hands. Save everyone’s time by doing that.

Wear a mask. The CDC recommends it and it gives us more peace of mind.

Don’t touch our hands when we hand you your items. Again, we have to wash our hands, which wastes precious time. 

Only front-line workers get to take advantage of the free drink promotion. 

Have backup food/drink items in mind! Due to the increased volume of orders, we run out quickly. We don’t want you to waste time in line if we don’t have the specific item you want. It sucks waiting so long and to not get anything at all. 

Don’t try to be funny and fake cough. It makes us freak out.Don’t be that person.

Don’t smoke cigarettes in our drive thru. Some of us have allergic reactions to the secondhand smoke. We have told people before. Most don’t listen. We have, in the past, shut the window and refused to serve them until they put it out. We hate doing that but we are not putting our employees in harms way just so you can have a quick high. Wait until you leave our drive thru please and thank you.

Be aware of our hours. Don’t get mad when we stop letting new cars come through. 

Please refrain from ordering at the window. It messes up the groove of the people making drinks. It makes the line stop longer than it needs to. 

Let us know if the food item you want needs to be warmed. Some items come warmed automatically while others don’t. If you come to the window, take your items and then tell us you wanted it warmed up, we have to throw the item away and get you a new one. Don’t waste food. 

Same goes for drinks. Let us know if you wanted it hot or iced, what size and if there needs to be sweetener. The drinks all have their own presets. If you don’t tell us, don’t get mad when we make it to the preset. It is up to you to order correctly. Side note: if you think you are going to pull off the TikTok hack where you purposely order a grande and get to the window and say otherwise, you are mistaken. You WILL NOT get the extra drink for free nor will you get away with not paying for the size up-charge. It has happened way too many times and we are over it.

Tip your barista? We don’t have to be here, but we are. Most of us rely on tips to pay our bills. Some of us got laid off from our second jobs. Some of us have partners that got laid off and need as much extra income as possible. 

In general, be nice. It makes everyone’s day better if you do. We get nasty customers and having great ones help make the day not suck. Trust me when I say that being called a c**t, a b***h, a w***e, etc. for just doing my job to the best of my ability sucks. It makes you not want to come to work anymore. Plus I believe in karma. 

That’s all for now folks! Message me back stories if you are also a barista, I would love to hear how your store is doing. I will block and report trolls so don’t do it. I may update this post or make a part 2 if I have more stories. Let me know if you want to see the dog photos? Umm I think that’s it?

[dogcopter]

Dogcopter Appearance Masterlist

thank you to resources SU Wiki Dogcopter and Dogcopter/Gallery, and Steven Says wiki transcript searcher

This is just a list of Dogcopter appearances in SU, not analysis. One or two may surprise you!

Dogcopter episode appearances

Lars and the Cool Kids

Lion 2

Some people say ‘You can't teach an old dog new tricks’... Unless you're Dogcopter 3, in 3D! This February, the fur hits the fan!

Steven: Whoah, I can see why this is your favorite film franchise. Connie: That's right! In a world where humanity is pushed to the brink, it turns out that the one who is most human, is a dog! Copter. Steven: and did you see where that missile came out of? Connie: Heh, yeah. I just hope it stays faithful to the book. 

Amethyst: Oh, that's easy! Who needs to go see movies when you’ve got magic?

Steven: I'm sorry! I ruined everything, didn't I? I don't know why you hang out with me. I mess stuff up all the time. Connie: I don't know why you hang out with me! I'm so much more less interesting than you! And obviously you have some sort of magical destiny. Why would you even care about something like Dogcopter? Steven: Why?! Because it's Dogcopter! He's a dog, and a helicopter, and a cop! He shoots missiles out of his butt, and he's gonna save the world! Dogcopter is very cool and important to me. Connie: Well, I'm no Dogcopter.

Keep Beach City Weird 

Dogcopter 3 SUX April 23, 2014

I saw Dogcopter 3 in 3D tonight and all I have to say is WOOF!  

First of all, it’s a huge mistake to turn the last Dogcopter book into THREE movies.  Yes, the last book is over 900 pages, but there’s not enough story!  And the 3D was completely unnecessary.  If I wanted to see butt missiles flying at my face, I’d feed a dog some bottle rockets and put on a pair of safety goggles.

Dogcopter is supposed to be an uncompromising look at the military-industrial-pet complex, not “fun”!  Fun is the worst.

Also, if you live in the Delmarva area - do not see it at the Beach City Cineplex.  The parking lot is a mess!  Probably from a bunch of angry Dogcopter fans rioting.  Ugh, I’m going to see this 3 more times to make sure I hate it.

Tags: dogcopter 3 in 3D keep beach city weird kbcw

-

Lion 3

Dogcopter: I win. Steven: Oh, what? That was a good move! Dogcopter: Thanks. Steven: Dogcopter. How do you do it? Dogcopter: How do I do what? Steven: I mean, what's your secret? How'd you get so talented? Dogcopter: Don't focus so much on talent, Steven. Making art is all about communication. A piece of art is a conversation. Every choice you make, is a statement.

Continued under cut

Dogcopter: Don't worry about labels, or conforming to a standard. Just be true to yourself, and people will appreciate your honesty. Steven: Woah. Thanks for the advice. Dogcopter: And take a deep breath. Steven: What?

suworkbook wrote a brilliant piece of meta around this dream

Steven: Here again? I don't know what this place is but it feels... familiar. Why can't I breathe? Wait a minute... Lion! Lion, my face is not your bed! What's going on with you?

Chille Tid

Steven: Whoa. Dogcopter! Mr. Copter! Sir! I'm one of your biggest fans, can I please have your autograph? Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: Mr. Copter, please! Steven: Hey wait! Where are you going?! Steven: I hope the rumors about Dogcopter in the tabloids aren't true. Steven: Huh? Oh! Hey, Pearl! Steven: Wait! Don't eat me! Steven: Oh, man! Thanks for the upgrade, Pearl! Now I can catch up with Dog— Steven: Woah, Amethyst? Steven: Hmm... This is... getting really weird. Lapis: This is weird. Steven: Hey, that sounds a lot like— Lapis: Steven! Steven: Lapis Lazuli! Lapis: Steven, what are you doing in here?

Keep Beach City Weird

KEEP BEACH CITY SPOILER FREE January 04 2016

Hey weirdos!  For the past few months, I’ve done something unprecedented - I’ve stayed off the internet.

It was hard but I had to do because I’ve been trying to stay SPOILER FREE for the movie event of the new millennium!  This December was the revival of one of the most famous sci-fi franchises in the world.  Yep, you know what I’m talking about: DOGCOPTER.

So for three months, I sequestered myself from all internet communications.  I handed over my laptop and my phone to my little bro, Peedee, and ordered him to bury them in an undisclosed location in the deserts of New Mexico.

I think he just put them in the walk-in freezer at the fry shop.  

I won’t lie, it was hard.  But I calmed my nerves by reacquainting myself with the “Young Adult Conspiracy” section at my local library.  And instead of getting in arguments with internet trolls, I got in real life arguments!  With my dad!

And after months of avoiding and spoilers or teasers or trailers, I was in line for Dogcopter 4, and then some dummy walking out of the theater TOTALLY SPOILED EVERYTHING and was like, “I can’t believe that Dogcopter’s parents are actually cats.”  

Ug!  I hope you’ve seen the movie because that’s pretty much the big ending.  Dogcopter dies defending the planet but then he comes back to life because he’s actually part cat and cats have 9 lives.  Anyway, the movie was pretty much ruined.  So now I’m back.  Spoilers are the worst.

Tags: Keep Beach City Weird Dogcopter

-

Fun fact if you invert this poster and adjust the contrast a bit, some odd diagram in the back appears:

Steven’s Birthday

Amethyst: What are you doing? Steven: Well uh...What are YOU doing? Greg: What are YOU doing to your body? Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day? Steven: No! I was just... slouching. Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you. Steven: Because, Dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy!? Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself. Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right? Greg: Steven...

Connie: That one's... "Canis helicopterus". Steven: Uh-uh, "Helicopterus"? Connie: Yeah, Dogcopter, get it? Now you make one up! Steven: Okay, um, That one's, uh, snake constellation. Connie: That's... pretty good. Are you okay? It looks like you're gonna throw up. Steven: Oh yeah, everything's fine!  Connie: Okay... that's good. You know, to be honest, I was a little worried before. This might sound silly, but I'm really glad that I'm going to get to grow up with you. Connie: ...Steven? Steven! What's going on? What happened? Connie: We were just talking then all of a sudden- Pearl: He turned back into a baby?! Connie: YES!

Keep Beach City Safe

DOGCOPTER 4: ALL DOGS GO TO WAR Jan 5 2016

Dogcopter 4 has finally been released! All Dogs Go to War!

I’ve been dying to see this movie for age, but I never had the time. I’ve been so busy with my blog and picking the perfect present for Steven. I’ve watched all the other Dogcopter Movies, but I haven’t had time to watch this one. But now I have a little free time to do something. After I watch it I won’t spoil it for the rest of you. I’m gonna be a Smart Spoiler and drop hints in my post for you guess. Only those who have watched it will notice the clues. Yep, watching it 9 times.

#Dogcopter 4 #Steven's Birthday Present #Dogcopter Movies #Smart Spoiler

Same Old World

Lapis: So, what does happen in Empire City? Steven: Well, let's see. If you lived here, you could get a cool apartment, and be a single Gem taking on the big city. You'll have a fun job at a local coffee shop and come home to a wacky roommate... Lapis: I have no idea what you're talking about. Steven: Awww.

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Steven: I'll take care of this! Kiki: Steven, be careful! Steven: Don't worry about me! Anything is possible when you have... rockets for bones! Kiki: Steven, that was so brave! Steven: Well, it's cheddar than nothing.

Steven: Oh, hey, Dogcopter. Dogcopter: (meows) Steven: See ya, dream Kiki! Kiki: Oh, okay. See you, dream Steven! Steven: Dream Steven!

Little Homeschool

Steven: Sadie's been touring with The Suspects, promoting their new album, and Connie has been getting a head start on college prep. She's two years away from applying, but she says it doesn't hurt to start early. Steven: And speaking of higher education, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I have been cooking up a dream of our own! Cherry Quartz: I have no idea who you're talking about.

Snow Day

Amethyst: Guess what we've got lined up tonight. "Pupcopter's Sky-High Adventure"! Pearl: Sheet masks with cute animal faces! Garnet: And, most importantly, pizza. Steven: Uh, guys, I've been a vegetarian for, like, a month, and "Pupcopter" is for 6-year-olds, and I have my own skin care routine. Anyways, it's cool. I already ate.  Amethyst: Oh well. We'll just watch the movie with Cat Steven. Garnet: My bad. I was sure we were in the pepperoni timeline.

In Dreams

Dogcopter: (flies away) Stefan: Noooo!

Together Forever

Lion: (roars) Connie: Huh? Steven: Hey, Connie! How you doin'? Connie: Steven? What are you doing here? Steven: You're gonna have a fifteen-minute break in...two minutes, right? Connie: Whoa! Spot on. Steven: Connie, let's go for a walk. I'm sure you could use some fresh air. Connie: I would love to! But um... Steven: No, no, no! Don't worry! We'll go with Lion, and I promise you'll be back in fifteen minutes! Connie: Okay! Let's do this!

Growing Pains

Drew: I know you're eager to chase the mail truck, Dogcopter. But the mail truck is a decoy. Good boys chase the blue car. Be a good boy, Dogcopter. Drew: Nice work, DC! Now get the bomb off the bridge! We're almost out of time! Drew: Dogcopter! No! Drew: Dogcopter, I can't lose you. Drew: Is this... what I think it is?

Announcer: Dogcopter 6: Till Death Do We Bark: I Now Pronounce You Man And Woof! Steven: Everyone's getting married but me! Ugh! I feel like poop.

[bearpillowmonster]

Persona 5 Review (Confidants)

You can increase relationships with characters, increase your knowledge, guts, charm, proficiency and kindness in your free time for various uses in the future, it’s really intricate and interesting because you’re seeing so many storylines at once and uncovering other characters’ pasts, it’s really engaging. I guess it's possible to not have maxed social stats but I didn't really have a problem with it. I know that there are some things you can only do before or after a palace but I ‘usually’ try to get it done in one run as early as I can, it’s almost like the palaces are the break from taking breaks. Though if you do leave a palace, it restores hp and sp so that’s cool. Also, finishing a palace early opens up a lot of relationship opportunities because they aren’t nagging “You wanna go to the Palace today?”

So, if you can spend time with only so many characters then which ones did I spend time with and which ones do I recommend spending the most time on? Well first off, you can dabble, like just start someone’s route and if you don’t like it then just ignore it and move on, I like how it gives you a chance to meet everyone before any major commitments. Also finishing one up sometimes gives you exclusive personas you can make. 

Let me start with Chihaya, I like the Chihayafuru anime so I went along with it but I really just wanted my money back, I’m not sure if the star actually did anything but the story was just average and that money wasn’t coming back. I didn't spend a whole lot of time with her though I kind of wish I had because I saw a rumor that she helps with something significantly, as long as you have the cash for it, which is very apparent around endgame or even if you had the part time jobs.

Ryuji’s story was average but I use him a lot in combat so I wanted to increase my bond. I’ve seen headcanons that these characters do really crazy stuff and go to prison for it but it’s not true, they’re just a band of misfits, the prison that you see in promos is a metaphorical one, a dream prison held inside their own mind, it’s in the very beginning of the game, just want to clarify that because it worried me going into this game. I finished his confidant.

Queen’s is rather decent, as I mentioned, she was...She acts way too attached to not like him, I mean look at the way she’s clinging to him during that house break in scene, she’s always the one to take initiative and be second in command. What I don’t understand is that if you go somewhere with her and see someone, she’ll immediately play it off “he’s just carrying my books”. She’s also the one that went straight to Alibaba when getting hurt, I like that motherly aspect. I ship my Joker with Queen for him but Kawakami for me (it would be kinda weird for him since she's older and his teacher). It’s the amount of growth we see her character go through, she seems the most genuine even if her side story focuses on her friend.

Panther’s is alright but she wants you to help her get mentally strong, O..k..? I’m not exactly one for Panther so I didn’t choose her romantic route because I think she has more chemistry with Fox. Though she seems to be the most connected to Ryuji for some reason, despite bagging on him all the time. DNF.

Fox, I will say that spending time with him made me appreciate him more and I like the rewards and art that goes with it. He’s actually hilarious, this game has a sense of humor and when it comes to him, it’s just gold, he’s so passionate and proper which makes for the best type of lines and delivery. DNF.

Kawakami, I obviously have a soft spot for but I see that her story is a real thing that bothers her, I’m not a big fan of what she reveals half way through, that seemed kinda pointless other than keeping that a secret but if you have a decent amount of money, I would up her confidant as well, it certainly wasn’t anything I expected. I finished it relatively early but by the end she enables you to go out at night even if you’re tired from mementos or a palace. Imagine my surprise when I instantly like her and then the way they introduce her route...I’ll leave it at that other than I finished her confidant.

Speaking of, quick break in the section to mention this. You would think something as in depth as this game would include a meter or consequence of sorts if you start neglecting people or duties but it’s not as stressful as that, you don’t have a sleep meter so you can do stuff in the evening (though sometimes sleeping will enable certain things like dreams which give you points with characters you spend time with regularly)

Mishima is actually one of the more interesting ones to bond with because his story seems very casual but it’s interweaving with the main one until the end of it and I like where it heads, I usually tried staying nice to him for the most part but making sure he doesn’t go “too too far”. The big thing you get is being able to increase your “other” party members stats as if they were equipped in your main party which can be useful. He was one of the first I maxed.

Yoshizawa is the new girl in Royal, so I tried to get on her good side, I actually met her and thought she was kind of robotic because of how apologetic she was but as time went on and as I grew her her confidant, she became more appealing. She was the first I finished because she only has 5 ranks but it was alright, as I said, she’s new so her story is going to be in there anyway but ranking just gives a bit more context is all. Getting all 5 ranks doesn’t finish it. However, it never seems like it's actually "finished", of course I didn't do the romance route so it might've been longer that way but for the most part, from what I see, the romance routes are mostly copy and paste with different characters outside their confidants. Other than a few dialogue options with different context but they’re the same events. The field trip in particular is the main one that I’m talking about. (I know I just revealed I played Royal, I’ll explain why this review isn’t about Royal towards the end though)

If you want, you can help Caroline and Justine experience human stuff but it isn’t a confidant, it just gives you items.

Sojiro. I only did his about half way because he gifts kindness and sometimes enables you to get coffee which gives you hp or sp. Which is cool but I wasn't sure how the confidants worked just yet and was scared I would drag him into the story unnecessarily but that's not the case for any of them, the consequences are a lot different than you might first imagine. He takes calls from multiple people, some who we figure out, some we might not and then he dresses in that sketchy outfit and says "dress for the job you want." and the way he's dressed makes him look like a pimp so...that's concerning. DNF.

Akechi is a bit questionable but every now and then I would spend time with him. He reminds me of a lion. There isn’t much of story though other than that one thing about his parents. Most of these are just spending time with the character and they start to build more substance about half way through. DNF.

Oracle actually has a really cool personality, I think of her more like a sister type to my character though. You have to have a good level of kindness in order to do a lot (which is the hardest to obtain) Once you do though, it seems to tie into a side quest and it’s really dumb because you change a gamers heart...for cheating. And that leads to...

Shinya. Why does this character even have a confidant? It easily could have been Iwai to help with that sort of thing. I didn't even rank him up, sorry, just wasn't really enough of a reason to.

Hifumi is cool, I like how she’s in a church and plays Shogi, it reminds me of Hunter X Hunter with Gungi. Her story is kind of sad too but not too much different from the “I’m on all the magazines but don’t really want to” she just wants to promote the board game. I waited until after I maxed out Queen to get past Rank 4 for her though because I was wary of giving some of the girls the wrong idea especially since that meeting between her and Queen. But once my character and Queen were official, then I decided to come back to Hifumi. DNF.

Takemi has an interesting take, I ranked her confidant up but wasn’t psyched about it, it provided a source for the guts attribute for a little while, it’s really sketchy in hindsight but the story is a little bit similar to Kawakami, with being shunned and all but Takemi seems to embrace it a lot more. I maxed her confidant, it allowed me to get discounted prices for health items.

Noir. She’s actually what I expected Persona to be like, she’s the neutral in my eyes, kind of bubbly but cute about it instead of overly obnoxious. She takes certain events way better than I expected which is good for her but I think the story would’ve packed a punch during that arc if they went deeper with how she takes it. It’s poetic how she’s acting healthy while her father is not. Not to mention that it’s like she’s planting the seeds for her new self both metaphorically and literally. You can gain some pretty good items if you do it right, SP is always a welcome in my book. DNF.

Iwai. I’m not going to recommend which thing you should prioritize, that’s up to how you want to play the game, you should keep it balanced but this guy requires a pretty high guts level. He can mod your weapons for you which comes in handy, the story is kind of mysterious because you go undercover. You also get discounts. DNF.

I love the idea of Joker bringing around a talking cat the whole time, it’s a total aesthetic, sneaking him some of his food, keeping him in his backpack, he’s as big a part of the team as any, if not the biggest. You don’t really choose to rank him up though, he’s intertwined, you can still choose to be nice to him though. Even though he doesn’t act like him, Morgana kind of reminds me of Daxter with the dynamic, wherever Joker goes, Morgana goes. I let Morgana kind of take free rein and he ended up being the strongest on my team, you don’t know how many “1-More”s I’ve seen this cat do, he was probably the one that was most consistently in my party.

I didn’t mess with that political guy or the journalist.

Also make sure to have figured out what gifts go to which person because once you get the option, it may be hard to get it back if you refuse. Ranking up people outside of the Phantom Thieves affects who is there for the ending so maybe keep that in mind.

Now you may or may not have noticed I missed a specific character, I have been writing this review since I started the game, accumulating different opinions and such, as I mention some in the Palace section of my review. The final days of playing this have pissed me off. From here to the end, I’m going to rant so if you don’t want to hear it and just want to take what I’ve said and leave, now’s the time, I’ve written everything else without this burden on the game hampering my score. However, you need to know this if you want to buy Royal specifically.

Maruki is far and few between, not much substance but I don’t mind sitting down with him once in a while. I only got about half way through so if you want to increase his confidant, do it early because it’s not always available but he helps with SP like the temple in Kichijoji. That’s what I wrote, then I finished the game and I was like “Wait a minute...something isn’t right...” So I looked it up and apparently Maruki is a new character to Royal as well. Alright, fine, so what? Well you need to rank him to level 9, there is in fact a reason and I completely missed it because I played this game BLIND. Biggest mistake and the game doesn’t tell you otherwise. So with Persona Royal, you get an extra semester longer than the original game with new story and new content that deals with Yoshizawa and Maruki in particular. The regular additions to the vanilla game hinted at it but I never knew there was more to it. So, I could’ve played the regular version of Persona 5 and had the same experience. Oh, but to put the icing on the cake. You need to rank up Maruki by November 18th. I only ever had two save files and you know what the one I didn’t finish was at? NOVEMBER FLIPPING 19TH. But wait; How do you play the new content if you can’t go back to the save file? And to that I say “HA” You don’t. I screwed the pooch unless I want to play the entire game again on new game+, has to be the same ending I had too so no finishing early with one of the other endings. Even if I played on the easiest difficulty, have all the stuff from new game+, use all the strats that I figured out afterwards, it would still take forever. The shortest speedrun of this game is 16 hours, that’s enough for a whole other game, I beat Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood in less than that. Why isn’t there a function to skip to a certain section?! I’M PISSED so for now F- this game, if I ever manage to play through those sections at some point then I’ll update this review getting rid of this and making its own review. I’m not just going to look up the cutscenes either, I got Royal instead of vanilla for a reason.

[purplesurveys]

781

Another quarantine survey for y’alls.

How are you coping? I enjoyed the lockdown in its first few weeks because back then it really felt like a nice break from how hectic January and February were. By now it just feels like it has overstayed its welcome and my anxiety is back to growing by the day, except this time it’s worse because I can’t actually go anywhere or do anything to get rid of it temporarily. Tl;dr I’m doing less and less well. How have things changed for you? School, mostly. The situation in the Philippines isn’t conducive to online learning, so we’ve had to cancel schooling altogether because it was the most humane option to make sure no student gets left behind. Some schools opted to mass-promote (read: pass) all their students, while the schools that selfishly chose to continue holding online classes face online backlash everyday. 

On that note, my graduation ceremony is indefinitely postponed and Andrew and I have had to give up a lot of the usual procedures for thesis, like doing fieldwork or having a required number of respondents for our questionnaire. What are three positives to being Isolated or in Quarantine? I get to stay with Kimi all day, my dad cooks amazing food for us daily, and I have so much free time on my hands which I use to watch videos or movies. What are three negatives? I haven’t seen my friends in months, being ordered to stay at home still feels different than voluntarily staying at home, and I have so much free time on my hands which leaves me to overthink and be paranoid.

Have you taken on a new hobby? Not really. I wanted to get into cooking/baking, but my dad always wants to be in control of his kitchen so I’ve barely had any chance to help out. Have you kicked any bad habits? Drinking coffee everyday. I stopped when I noticed I was getting a headache every night, which was my original schedule for making a cup. Have you watched a lot more television or movies? I’ve watched more YouTube but I generally find it hard to start on new shows or movies so no, not really. I’ve always preferred rewatching my favorites. I did revisit Descendants of the Sun starting the other night though; I hadn’t gone back to it since December but I’m glad I did now because it’s such a good show(!!!!!) Have you been separated from someone you love? Tons of people that I love, from orgmates to close friends to best friends to my girlfriend. Discovered any new bands? Nah, I’ve stuck to my faves. With Hayley hyping up her first album for the last five months and finally releasing it a week ago, my eyes and ears were only on her lol Have you shopped more online? Nope, no money these days ha. Have you cooked more? I’ve tried helping my dad more like I mentioned but ugh, he’s so possessive in the kitchen. Have you baked more? Same thing. Have you learned to knit or sew? Nope. Did you end up in Isolation or Quarantine? Just quarantine. I never showed any symptoms and neither did my family, so we’ve all bee in quarantine from the very beginning. Did the stores all close? Save for groceries, they were all closed in the first few days/weeks. But through April, more and more businesses (mostly restaurants) started to come back and offer delivery or pickup services. 

In the Philippines where the government has been hugely incompetent, they lifted the lockdown for nearly the entire country yesterday despite the number of cases not showing any signs of slowing down and DESPITE NO MASS TESTING BEING PUT IN PLACE SINCE MARCH. That means this whole quarantine has been fucking useless. And now that people have been crowding highways and malls again, a second wave is just waiting around the corner.

What kind of restrictions did your government put into place? It’s different per province but in my case, we had a ban on liquors, mass gatherings, and non-essential travel; an 8 PM-5 AM curfew; and checkpoints everywhere. For a brief time, homeowners in our village couldn’t even jog outside but I think they’ve loosened up on that rule now. Has this affected any travel, events or plans for you? Hasn’t it, for all of us? An year-end college party that my orgmates and I usually go to was obviously cancelled; I still don’t know what’s happening to our graduation; and plans to volunteer for an animal welfare NGO have been cut off. I was also supposed to go to Thailand and Vietnam this year, but I’ve had to forget about those plans. What is the first thing you will do when you get the chance? Drive up to Gabie, for sure. With all the crazy in the world, we forget how much we take for granted. Is there anything you feel you had taken for granted? Time with my loved ones. I’ve definitely thought about the times I declined on Angela’s offers to go out, or flaked on my blockmates, or opted to skip out on dinner with my orgmates so I could go home. Let's finish off with some nicer things! What is your favourite thing about life? I dunno if I’ve found a favorite thing about it yet. I find it pretty unfair for the most part. What is your favourite thing about nature? How peaceful it can be. Nature has always served me well when I’m in distress, and I will never forget the time I was in Sagada, and I had just gotten out of a breakup and was still reeling over my lolo’s death, and when I reached the top of a hill, I allowed myself to cry while in front of this view.

Favourite place in the world? Sagada, Baguio, and Palawan. Favourite animal? Dogs, if you don’t know me well enough already. Favourite Colour? I personally like pastel pink, and ~aesthetically~ I like black or white. Favourite Foods? My favorite food ever is burgers, but I also like sushi, chicken wings, and steak. Favourite Holiday destination? We don’t have an established destination. My family likes going to new places every time we have the chance to travel. Have you been on a cruise ship? Yes. Have you flown to a travel destination? Sure, several. Have you ever been on a bus or train to a holiday destination? I don’t remember anymore but we probably were. Ever been on a helicopter? I have not. Ever been in a submarine? Smaller chance of that happening cause there’s little opportunity for it, but it sounds like an awesome experience. Thoughts on Theme Parks? I will go there for the theme park food, but I’m fine with not going on any rides. Thoughts on Carnivals? Like a fair? They’re great fun, and I prefer them more than theme parks because they’re more lowkey. I also just go for the food hahahaha I don’t go on rides. Thoughts on Island Life? I’m technically living one because I live in a giant group of islands... but I wouldn’t want to live my whole life in just an island per se. I like being in the city, and I like living in a noisy environment where everyone and everything is busy. Ever taken a ferry to a destination? Eh, not really. We’ve taken smaller boats to get to certain island provinces, but not a ferry. What is the best thing about travelling? Learning new things, seeing new sights, meeting new people, getting to know new cultures.

Who would you like to travel with next time you go on a trip? I’d love to travel with Gabie. I’ve never done it with her before. Randoms.. Favourite television series on Stan? I’ve never heard of that. Favourite television series on Netflix? I don’t watch any shows produced by Netflix. My current favorite show to watch there is Descendants of the Sun, but my other favorites are there too, like Friends, Breaking Bad, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What movie are you keen to see? Right now, none of the upcoming ones, or at least the upcoming ones that were meant to be released by the summer. None of them seem appealing to me. Do you study or work or both? I study, but I’m so fucking close to the finish line. If you could have any career, what would it be? I’d love to be in PR. I’d still be in media which is my strong suit, but none of the journalism bullshit I’ve grown sick of in the last four years. Do you play Animal Crossing on Nintendo Switch? No, I’ve never really been a fan of the series so I’ve never felt the need to get the game. I’m happy with Mario Kart 8 haha. What gaming console do you like best? Either the Wii or PS2 as I had a lot of memories with them. Speaking of gaming, name your top 5 games? Pass. Have you ever been to a convention like Comic Con? Nope. Life gets tough, how do you cope? I take a nap, I go to a café somewhere for a few hours to be alone, I take a survey, or I drown myself in work to keep me preoccupied. Do you like housework? If I’m not forced to do it. Are you afraid of the dark? If the dark was meant to be scary, like if I was in a haunted house or if I’m in the woods in the middle of nowhere at midnight. Otherwise it doesn’t bother me. Do you have pets? Yeah, I have the best dog.

[grisdidthis]

The Glenn Legacy: G1, Entry #1

START HERE | 

Let’s see what about this legacy challenge thing, then.

The Challenge: Make a family the strongest it can be over 10 generations.

‘kay. Gotcha.

The Rules: Start with a single adult sim made with the create-a-sim or bodyshop, male or female. 

Mmm. So. This here is our founder, Bimby. Her surname will be Glenn, because the hood she’ll be moving into was called Glennupon Bridges before it got cleaned out and resurrected. 

The rules also tell me I should pick an aspiration - any aspiration! We’ll go with Family, since she’s supposed to be the first of a Strong Dynasty and that won’t work too well for her if her lifetime goal is to have 20 lovers at once. Personality points can be assigned at will, so our girl Bimby is going to be painfully shy, very nice but not too nice, and average in all other areas. This, it seems, makes her a cancer.  *snerk*

Below you see Kleinestad City, the place Bimby is moving to. Kleinestad was ground zero of the zombie apocalypse, but since then the Undead have moved on and people have started moving back in. Just, not very many of them, because I haven’t gotten around to repopulating it after the Great Purge. They’ll come. Until then, we’re stuck with Bimby and the handful of NPCs that the game brute forces through the mods which are meant to prevent them from spawning.  

Start the family on an empty 5X5 Lot. 

Okie dookie!

As you can see, it’s not a very fancy part of town that Bimby is moving into, but since it was the only one with the required amount of empty space to place a 5x5 lot, it’s what she’s getting. She seems happy with it, though? Jumping rope, getting some exercise in. She probably shouldn’t be doing it in those tall ass heels, but it’s not like the game will let her break a leg, so. You do yours, girl.

While Bimby is busy building up that body skill, let’s get started on the house!

We’re down to $790 from her initial 20k, but the essentials are all there and I’ve laid a foundation - which is important, because if we’re working up to a mansion we don’t want to start at ground level and have to tear shit down later on. Bimby is, of course, unemployed - let’s grab that newspaper the nice NPC just left and find her a job. 

Bimby is going into politics! AND managed to gain 1 body skill from jumping rope! She also wishes for a bookcase (good, good, we want our sims educated and well-read) and to gain creativity points. Hmm. Selling some art on the side seems like it may help her get the funds to put a roof over her head, so let’s get her an easel. 

Bimby loves painting, it turns out! Perhaps because it’s the only thing fun there is to do on this lot other than jumping rope, eating, sleeping, pooping, taking bubble baths and leaving a thousand butterflies-in-jars around the place. Also, since she doesn’t have the money for a kitchen yet, she’ll will be living on instant meals for the foreseeable future.

Since the only other humans in this hood are the mail & newspaper delivery NPCs, Bimby’s social life consists of writing in her diary. (I’m fairly sure that it’s a mod that allows her to do this.) It’s kind of sad. I’ll need to find a way to get her some friends and, down the line, suitable romantic interests. (She has 600 days left until elderdom and we are only on Day 5, so there is no sense of urgency in getting her hitched and making babies. She can live a little and sort out her shit before she settles down.)

Yay, I finally got her circadian rhythm to resemble that of a normal human!

...or not. Who wakes up at the ass crack of dawn to paint honestly pretty creepy faces? Bimby Glenn, apparently. Wow. Girl REALLY loves her some art.

REALLY LOVES ART. 

BIMBY. IT’S RAINING. GET INSIDE, YOU’LL CATCH A COLD IN THIS - oh. Wait. You don’t have a ceiling, that’s right. There is no such thing as an “inside the house” for you yet because you suffer from a severe lack of walls. Mmright. Don’t worry, we’ll fix it. At this rate you’ll max out your creativity skill in a couple of days. By then your paintings may be selling well enough to put a roof over your head at last, even if you don’t get promoted in the meantime because you always show up hungry/sleepy/smelling of armpit. 

Sooo Bimby’s first week in Kleinestad didn’t go swimmingly. Hopefully the next one will see her perk up a bit? (Her aspiration meter hit red two days ago and has only gone further down, I really need to work on fulfilling some of her wants rather than simply ensuring her basic needs are taken care of.) But heeeeeyyyy she just maxed out her creativity skill and her art is starting to rack up some actual money, so if she can smash out some more in her free time, exciting new things may be headed her way. Like ceilings!

In the meantime, interesting things are happening at work! Which, I’ve noticed, has yet to pay her. Must be some mod that’s causing it BUT POLITICIANS AMIRITE!

No, Bimby, you ARE getting that assistant. You’re not self-assured enough to answer questions yourself and furthermore, that shit is more likely than not to get your ass fired. Be smart about this.

See? Yay, moar charisma! Let’s put it to use and ambush that cute newspaper delivery girl, so that you can have a social interaction with another human being and perhaps even your first girlfriend! I mean, I was intending to make you a huge lesbo either way, but the fact that the only two other people around are female kind of seals your fate. 

This is Nancy Pasang! She has red eyes, which would normally disqualify her as a potential mate, but pickings are slim around these parts, so we take what we can get. And Bimby seems to hit it off with her! She definitely looks less morose than usual while hanging out. 

Sometime later, it becomes clear to both her and me (because look what her aspiration meter is at and what all her wants revolve around) that we need to get this woman laid forthwith. Since I don’t want to deal with the Matchmaker, we are using the Find-a-Mate crystal ball, and holyfuckingshit I didn’t realize how expensive that thing is, YOU BETTER BE WORTH THE MONEY AND GIVE ME SOMEONE QUALITY!

Yes, yes, we are indeed desperate. Give our Bimby some sugar, you overpriced bowling ball!

Oooohhh, look who popped up, what a coincidence! Unfortunately, Bimby didn’t time her request well. She had to run off to pee and eat, and Nance peaced out because she got tired of waiting for her date to finish her third instant meal. But they managed to build up their relationship to FRIENDS, and isn’t friendship (with potential benefits!) a wonderful thing?

Meanwhile, Bimby continues to not draw a salary (I really need to find out what mod is causing this) and not getting promoted despite her jobmeter being maxed out. Go figure. And now they’re asking for volunteers to do MORE free work, and because she’s nice by design and seemingly incapable of standing up for herself, the following bullshit ensues:

BOO, BIMBY’S CO-WORKER! BOOOOOOO!

Bimby comes home and goes straight to bed, exhausted, I’m guessing, by all the nonsense she had to put up with. Then we both think better of it and decide that before taking care of anything else, we’re having her quit the damn job. She has 0 interest in politics anyway and has made more money so far selling her weird abstract paintings. Because they weren’t paying her either way and the only benefit she got from wasting hours of her life there was not having to fork out money for lunch. So. 

YES!  BYE FELICIA!

Now our girl can use her new free time in more productive (and hopefully profitable) ways.

[dippedanddripped]

A Q&A With Keary Kase On Pioneering Hip Hop In Portland

Trenton, NJ born rapper Keary Kase is now pioneering hip hop from Portland, Oregon. After having been involved in a Nike ad campaign that featured him on Billboards across the US, Keary’s singles began to top the radio charts. He began to work with artists like The Wutang Clan and producers Bosko and Non-Stop Da Hitman. Most recently, he partnered with Adidas designers in Portland to develop ‘Reder’ – an athletic apparel brand with focus on CBD delivery systems for athletes who are recovering from injuries.

We had the chance to sit down with Keary Kase to talk about Portland’s thriving hip hop scene, his Nike campaign, and what fans and followers can expect in 2020.

Tell us a little bit about the hip hop scene in Portland. We’d love to know more!

Portland hip hop has so many facets, I’m not sure where to begin. We do have a solid foundation of originals, like Mic Crenshaw, Cool Nutz, Mellenium (Kenny Mack), Maniac Lok, Bosko, Vursatyl, X-Kid, DJ Wicked, Pete Miser and myself, who are still active.

Having strong artists, who have made careers in Hip Hop, as role models and idols allows the kids to aspire to become musical artists. Without these examples, the endless call to normalcy and job security (which we all now know is B/S) by pretty much EVERYBODY, would lead these young Ore-guns to self doubt and failure.

Mike Capes, Swiggle Mandela, Drae Steve’s, JR Patton and Keith Canvas are a few Portland artists to check out.

Right now, a lot of artists are showing support to the BLM movement using their voices to speak, rather than rap to those participating in protests, rallies and such.

How do you feel being originally from the east coast has affected your musical style?

In my embryonic years, I saw myself as an east coast rapper. I felt like, with the exception of rappers like Ice T, Too Short, NWA and The DOC, west coast rappers were mostly basic compared to east coast rappers. They had KRS, Big Daddy Kane, Slick Rick (my favorite golden era rapper), Special ED, Kool G Rap & Polo, RAKIM!!! Plus WBLS used to play all the hot new shit off the block.

I was enamored by east coast swagger and tone. The slang and accent was natural for me because my entire family spoke with it. My ability to slip in and out of the style made me different in Portland.

In the early 90’s I started spending time in LA. I was slanging FIMO beads to tourists at Venice Beach in the daylight and going to clubs and shows at night. I met this dude named Self Jupiter at this summer festival called The African Marketplace, where I was selling jewelry and celebrating my black youth. Jupiter was a member of a rap group called Freestyle Fellowship. He gave me a tape. After I listened to it, my entire opinion of west coast hip hop was turned upside down. I witnessed west coast rappers like Volume 10, WC, Divine Styler, Cypress Hill and E40 change the game. I became influenced by them and my style was set free. I became open to all influences, no matter if they came from the east, west, northwest, midwest or south.

Tell us more about the Nike ad campaign you were featured in. How did that come about?

One day I was leaving my boy Tommy Hestmark’s studio in downtown Portland. I was walking down the street with my back straight and my chest and chin up, as all men and women should. This guy approached me and said “excuse me, can I talk to you?” I looked at him sideways and he says “no, no. It’s just…. Your face is CRAZY!” I squinted as if to say “do you hear yourself fool?” He pulls out a card and explains that he owned a modeling agency and he thought my look was money. He asked me to call to schedule a test shoot. I called and scheduled the shoot. When I went there, he asked me if I was wearing boxers. I confirmed, then he asked me if I would take some test shots in my boxers. I’m thinking this dude is either going to proposition me for sex or he wants to see if I can be the next face of Calvin Klein. I gambled on Calvin Klein and agreed to take the pics. We walked into a hall and he said “you can get undressed here,” then walked away. So there I stood baring all that my boxers would not cover, with my clothes in a small pile on the floor. I heard footsteps, then an attractive woman appears holding a camera. It was his wife. She told me where to stand , took a couple quick pics and said “Keary, you’re a machine,” then allowed me to get dressed and walked me out.

A few weeks later they called me back and said a photographer knew of me and wanted to do a martial arts shoot. There was no pay, but the photographer was well known and really good. I had no portfolio, and no published work so this was an opportunity to do TFP to add to my comp card.

The photographer, Marcus Swanson, wanted me to do a flying sidekick, which is a classic taekwondo photo kick. When I got there, there was nowhere to get a running start so I improvised and pulled it off. While I was there, a Nike scout was lurking. As I was leaving, Marcus’ assistant, Amber Geiger, mentioned a potential shoot for Nike and asked if they could do a quick polaroid. Snap snap and I was out. A few months passed by before I got a call back from my agent about the shoot. In those few months, I became a black belt, won a gold medal at the the regional national qualification tournament in the black belt dividion, then a silver medal at the US National Championship, and was leaving in a few days to go whoop everybody’s ass at the invitational US Team Trials. It didn’t play out that way but I believe being so active in the few months between the martial arts test shoot and the paid shoot is what influenced their decision to go with me for the ad campaign. We agreed on a date and time, after my return, for the shoot.

When I got back, we did the shoot. I thought it was going to be light work but it was brutal. Modeling is hardcore. I remember seeing myself on a billboard for the first time. It felt like a distant relative to masturbation. I also remember it taking forever to get my money. Agencies can be gangster. I had to make some very firm promises before I got the check. After that, our relationship became square.

You have worked with several platinum artists and producers. Do you have any memorable stories about your experiences that you’d like to share?

Hmm. I don’t like to deride or D-RIDE anyone, but there was an interesting encounter with a Wu-Tang Clan member named Cappadonna. Cappadonna, Killa Priest and a small crew they were touring with were staying at my house when they stopped through Portland. My roommate, MyG,  was helping them do some business in Portland while they killed time before their next tour date. At the time, we had a lil 5 bedroom spread with 2 recording studios in it, so we let their whole crew crash at the spot. The house was already like a revolving door for whoever was on tour in the NW. Artists could come through while in town and collab, get local pub through us and be blessed with some Oregon grown greeneries for the road.

So this was the first time we met (Cappadonna & I). I was taking acting classes at the time so I was gone when they pulled up. When I got home after class, Cappadonna was in the booth. I walked in the room and he started talking wild like “aye yo break that nigga watch!…stab that nigga!” I’m standing in a room full of dudes, with New York energy, that I don’t know, so I assumed he was talking about me. I dip out to my room and get a screwdriver just so I have something in my hand incase things go left. A few minutes pass, then MyG tells Cappadonna to move on to the next part. At this moment I realize he’s in character and not talking about me at all. Killah Priest enters the room. We introduce ourselves and dap up. He asks me what I do and I tell him that I’m in acting school. When Cap comes out, KP says “this is Kase, he’s an actor.” They gave each other a look that, to me , expressed what he spoke as “this is Kase, he’s a fake nigga.”

Granted, I’ve been a skater since day 1, so I understand that some black people (especially at the time) associate being a black skater with being less black or more white. With that in mind, I let what he said breeze by.

After we blessed up, we got to the business. Bosko had let me hold a beat that I wrote a sticky verse to; Cappa liked it so I let him put a hook on it. Me and KP did a DOPE song on a track that this dude named Smoke produced. It sounded like some official Wu-affiliate shit. MyG lost the session so none of that material was ever released.

The next day the energy still felt suspect. Like they thought I was a suburban negro, lol. I took them to the block, which is now gentrified, but was still hood at the time. Cappa called my whip a 666. It was the same Denali XL with the same 26” Trump Spinners that was in the video for the song he was promoting at the time, but mine was cleaner. It seemed like he felt a way about it. We went to my mom’s restaurant, where Cappa requested a Psalms verse from my mother. She said “how about a Revelation,” and laced all of us.

I dropped them at the barber shop to get faded and bladed. When they came out, the energy was different. Cappadonna got in and said “you know your hood and your hood knows you. He said you put your moms in that restaurant, didn’t you?” I just looked at him and put my hand out. We dapped up and the respect, which was first being given by me and received by him, suddenly felt mutual.

Cappadonna is a wise dude and a beast MC. I asked him questions related to his lyrics. He explained to me what “God Degree” and “7:30” meant and told me the story of the origin of his name. You might be able to detect that I’m most definitely still a Wu-Tang fan, although I liked his earlier work. KP knows what I mean by that.

Tell us about your involvement with the CBD industry and your views on how it can be a therapeutic tool for people?

CBD is my go-to treatment for a number of conditions. If I am anxious, I use a non-psychoactive tincture. This gives me a general sense of well-being, without making me feel altered or high. I feel like myself on a good day. If I need to restful sleep, I employ a cannabinoid rich CBD blend that allows me to drift off into REM without jumping up 100 times to make sure the garage door is closed (or whatever). Using CBD is like taking premium vitamins.

In 2019, I started a company called Nina Botanica with a material designer who works for Adidas in Portland. I began researching how to use compression technology as a CBD delivery system for athletic injury rehabilitation. There are some products on the market that offer a similar product, but none that fully address the issues of muscle strains, tears and associated pain that can knock an athlete off of their game. What sets us apart is, our CBD compression system has a lifetime guarantee. You can use it until you’re tired of using it.

We also designed a pod based delivery system, called the NINA , with Shenzen based technology company Smoore. The smart hexagonal pod + cartridge system uses inductive charging in place of the industry standard USB to power up.

Due to COVID-19 and our current bout with systemic racism, the techy products will be in preliminary production until mid-late 2021.

Tell us about your latest project “Craze”. Who is involved and what inspired it?

I was a week back on after being off music for years. Just getting my lungs back, not planning on dropping anything yet; just warming up. An artist named Uneek, who had been my mentee for several years, reached out. He was talking about how he blew all of his savings on medical expenses for his seed and how William, Lil Willi and Big Bill were all coming for him at once. He had just got robbed in Atlanta, so he was shy about who he could trust in Portland.

Uneek asked me to help him to rebrand himself and act as a manager, as I did in the beginning of his career. Since he had just found the strength to come out about his sexual identity, he wanted to look to the LBGTQ community for support. Since that was outside of my sphere of influence, I decided to help him generate some traffic in his home studio, offering tracking and mixing as an engineer. I told him we could put out a mixtape to re-introduce him to his followers and the rest of the world. I got 15 tracks from  producers, Sixteen and J Doe. I wanted to see how serious he was about his career so I told him to put hooks on  all 15. He would send me a rough lyric or melody, then I would write or rewrite the lyrics then massage the melody and coach him on how to execute it.  After he did it, I would chop it and arrange it in a Logic, while I was on the road.

Once the mixtape concepts were in the bag, I told him we needed a real record to kick it off. There was a lot of material in his catalog, but nothing that sounded like a hit single to me.

He got a track from this lil dude named 64 and put a hook on it that had us laughing. He was like “yeah this track sound like something Da Baby would get on.” It wasn’t my style, really, but I kept getting drawn into the drums. I let the first line go off the top then it seemed like the rest of the lyrics were just there. We called it “She A Thot.” It dropped on all platforms back in April of this year.

Craze, the follow up single, manifested itself off of the vibe we were on after “She A Thot” dropped. 64 had sent us a 3 pack of beats so it had some of the same feel as the others, however, the “Craze” beat was much more elegant than the other two.It was like the bigger, sexier, more mature and pondering sister of the “She A Thot” beat.

When I started writing, I felt the beat asking me to confess. It was saying “tell your truth, Kase.” The melody in my head was so balanced that I just let it drive through the first verse. I remembered, as a young man, being so caught up in hustling that I lost my compassion for people. I reflected on how I had spent the last decade, since my first daughter was born, re-approaching life with more compassion.

Whatever you have done in your past does not define you. But sometimes it’s good to talk about it. Black  people have traditionally been afraid of counseling or therapy. Mostly because of our trust issues with the people providing those services. I strongly suggest talking to someone about the things that trouble you. My uncle Jeff calls it “dumping.”

Music is my therapy. Dumping is my new craze.

What artists are you listening to right now and why?

I like listening to new music. I’m listening to Lil Durk, Pop Smoke, Amine, Jack Harlow, etc. But that’s like research for me. I like to see and hear what the big dogs are investing in. But right now, I’m developing a K-Pop artist, so I’m listening Big Hit Entertainment’s people. I’m about to go over there and liberate some musical slaves. (*artists)

But I still listen to Sade.

What’s next for you in 2020? What can fans look forward to?

I’m dropping a mixtape later this month. I may be doing a record + video with Compton artist, AD in the next few weeks. We’re still working out the details, but he’s doing real good right now.

Other than that, I’m developing a young K-Pop idol named Kiari. That genre is making big waves. I’m also looking at television as a next play. I have a pocket ace in the Chinese market that I’m keeping tucked. Oh I’m doing business with China.  Sorry Chump…I mean, Sorry Trump. No, wait, I had it right the first time.

[almaasi]

GISH 2019 List of Items

Need a clean, rebloggable, printable, copy-pastable, bookmarkable reference for the GISH 2019 item list in case the official site goes down? I’ve got ya covered. Includes the item number, photo/video type, and point value. List will be updated as the hunt progresses. Good luck, Gishers~

[ see also: 2011 list // 2012 list // 2013 list // 2014 list // 2015 list // 2016 list // 2017 list // 2018 list]

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Disclaimer: I am in no way affiliated with Misha Collins or GISH. I just love the bleeping bleep out of both. c:

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ALL of the Items below should either be captured as "images" (which are photographs) or "videos". When you click “Submit," there will be instructions on how to submit the links to these images or videos. You should only use YOUTUBE for the videos and for images - you may upload them directly on our site.

bUnless otherwise specified, ALL VIDEOS must be NO LONGER than 14 seconds. If you’re a second or two over we’re not going to penalize you (we know how finicky youtube can be), but aim for 14 or under. They can be shorter if you wish!

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1 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / Make an Assbutt of yourself in public. Literally.

2 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. Nothing caps off a good, hot summer day like a footlong s'mores eaten by two, Lady and the Tramp Style. (No hands may be used in the creation of or eating of the s'mores.) - Rae M.

3 / VIDEO / 57 POINTS / They say stepping on a LEGO is the greatest pain one can experience. We Gishers laugh in the face of pain. Make shoes entirely from LEGOs - no fluffy socks or insoles allowed- and demonstrate them in use. Post it to social media and tag the LEGO accounts and @GISH. - Deidra

4 / VIDEO / 59 POINTS / Hula hooping is hard, and you're just not ready to go it alone yet. Create a hula-hoop with training wheels for beginners and show it in use.

5 / PHOTO / 36 POINTS / At least 3 grownups working in an industrial mud-pie factory. They must be wearing hair nets. Supervising them is at least one tidy child under age 10 in a suit and carrying a clipboard.

6 / VIDEO / 28 POINTS / 7 out of 10 dentists and dental hygienists recommend Flossing, and they practice what they preach. Show us 7 out of 10 real dentists and dental hygienists flossing (not tooth-flossing. Dance-flossing.)

7 / VIDEO / 113 POINTS / SLOW-MOTION. It's time for the most elegant and beautiful of all affairs: the paintball ballet! 5 ballerinas playing paintball on pointe. They must all be pointe dancers; they can be wearing safety gear, but it must be pink and there must be tutus and pointe shoes.

8 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / It's summer, and that means it's time to do your civic duty. Take a swim in the jury pool -- complete with flotation devices, snorkel, etc.

9 / PHOTO / 34 POINTS / Bee-drinking poles are all the rage, but your neighborhood bees deserve to really unwind. Create a bee bar - a bee "saloon on a pole" using recycled bottle caps. Install it somewhere public. - Item Written By Misha's Mom

10 / PHOTO / 74 POINTS / A real matador in a real bullfighting ring with any of our GISH/gishwhes "flapes" (these are flags some Gishers purchase during registration). The bull is a Gisher, convincingly dressed as a bull.

11 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 31 POINTS / Listerine Mouse Wash.

12 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / A child reading a bedtime story to the monster under their bed. The monster should be charmed and cozy and cuddled up.

13 / PHOTO / 36 POINTS / The machines are taking over, and now they're even infiltrating the dating sector. Your blind date tonight at a 4-star restaurant is a humanoid robot.

14 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / Nothing can shake you up! Show us how you keep centered: meditating on a moving mechanical bull. Keep your chakras aligned! Fall off in less than 2 seconds and score 0 points.

15 / PHOTO / 80 POINTS / Create a "food truck" that sells something incongruous with food trucks. It could be delicious pesticides, microchips, shower caps or anything in between. It can't be compassion, empathy, or anything that "feeds the soul." As loathe as we are to say this: get creative. Your truck must advertise its wares with flashy signage.

16 / VIDEO / 66 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Clowns were the original glad-iators. Prove it with Roman clowns fighting in an actual Colosseum or ancient amphitheater in a knock-down, drag-out pie fight.

17 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / Trip the light fantastic. Literally. - Kelli R.

18 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / You know that saying: "Christ on a paddleboard!" Well, it's used for a reason - Jesus walked on water and was an innovator in the Stand-Up Paddleboard world. Show Jesus on a stand-up paddleboard, with at least 3 disciples following him in a rowboat, canoe, or scull.

19 / VIDEO / 49 POINTS / The world is in desperate need of more Cheese Balls. Many more Cheese Balls. Many many many more Cheese Balls. Delivered as rapidly as possible. Build a functional Cheese Ball launching/delivery system and demonstrate it shooting cheese balls from a distance of least 30 feet away. You must be able to catch at least 1 in your mouth.

20 / PHOTO / 12 POINTS / A housecat happily flaunting a stylish mustache.

21 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / You're a real dish. No, really. You and a friend, dressed as commemorative collector plates, donating platelets (that's what plates bleed).

22 / VIDEO / 291 POINTS / People always say, "GISH lights up the night!" Prove it. Get a bunch of drones with lights on them to spell out the word "GISH" in the night sky. The drones must serve as pixels in the sky, so you will need a lot of them. Probably at least 40.

23 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / (Up to 20 seconds. You may use fast-motion or tight editing). When baking, measurements are vital to the culinary success of your creation. Small missteps will ruin your souffle. Of course, measuring cups and spoons, over time, change size and volume due to humidity and aging. Let's use a measuring device that you trust and know intimately: your mouth. First, figure out exactly how much volume is in you mouth and then use it to source and distribute all ingredients to bake a cake. You may not use any utensils or measuring devices. Grab whatever ingredients you use to make a cake and place them on your counter and then, without using your hands to measure or fill, fill your mouth with the appropriate amounts of each ingredient and then deposit in your cake dish.(Yes, this means you would need to "bob for flour" in your flour bag and then "mouth spout" it into your mixing bowl). Once the ingredients are all safely in the mixing bowl (again, delivered by your mouth), you are allowed to mix it with any device--as long as that device is a part of your face. Bake it and enjoy it with a loved one (without using your hands).

24 / VIDEO / 94 POINTS / Have a child under 8 years old create an original recipe, a la "Cooking Fast & Fresh with West". Record them inventing it, then executing their vision. It must be 100% child-led with an adult-only serving as sous chef. In a blatant cross-promotional stunt, the best recipes will be posted on my social media when my new book, "The Adventurous Eaters Club" hits bookstores. (BTW, you can pre-order now here.)

25 / VIDEO / 68 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS) You've been bragging you can out-dunk a professional basketball player, and now it's time to prove it: go one-on-one for a 30-second milk-and-cookies dunk-off against a pro-baller. Your competitor must be a current or retired member of the NBA or WNBA. Bonus points if your competition is a household name. Post your video on social media tagging the player with #GISHDunkChallenge

26 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Be a stand-in for me! Wearing a convincing Misha Collins mask, have a cup of tea with someone who still has a bonafide original Team 3 Rhino Hunt puzzle piece. The puzzle piece must be visible in the image. If you are on a team and you are a Team 3 Rhino Hunt puzzle piece holder, you MAY collaborate with other teams to help them out on this one. (I will still honor the tea-time for any unredeemed puzzle pieces. This offer never expires.)

27 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / Food waste is a real problem in many countries. At the same time, food deserts are a problem, making it difficult for some people to get fresh, nutritious food. We're helping both problems in one fell swoop with our GISH Mobile Free Grocers! Get a grocery store to donate the day's "ugly" produce, day-old bread, and any other still-edible fresh foods to you, then go and distribute it as a GISH Mobile Free Grocer to people experiencing homelessness.

28 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / The tooth fairy is sick and tired of waiting around to collect the teeth under kids' pillows, so she's gone rogue and has started taking them right out of their mouths to meet her quota. Obviously, she needs to be stopped! Create an effective anti-tooth fairy nighttime mouth guard and show it in use, successfully stopping the thieving fairy. -Ant G.

29 / VIDEO / 49 POINTS / (UP TO 20 SECONDS: You may speed up and edit video) The big trend in experience-based restaurants has you eating in total darkness, but these gimmicky restaurants charge a fortune. We're bringing it to the masses: Take a dinner date to an upscale restaurant - the fancier, the better - wear white. There must be a white linen tablecloth. Sit across from each other and feed each other dinner while both of you are blindfolded. You must be serving one another red wine too.

30 / VIDEO / 53 POINTS / The recorder is an under-appreciated instrument, with roots in ancient times. The depth of its mythical sirenic tones are magical and hypnotic. So what better place to play this divine woodwind than amongst the most beautiful sites in the world? Play the Kansas song "Carry on Wayward Son" at sunset on a recorder, overlooking one of the following: the Grand Canyon (Arizona, US), Angkor Wat (Cambodia), Machu Picchu (Peru), Great Wall of China, Taj Mahal (India), the Colosseum (Italy), Iguazu Falls (Brazil), Stonehenge (UK), Egyptian Pyramids or the Sphinx, Tikal (Guatemala), Angel Falls (Venezuela), Atacama Desert (Chile), Arashiyama Bamboo Grove (Japan), The Azores (Portugal), Boulders Beach (South Africa), Cappadocia (Turkey), Cliffs of Moher (Ireland), Disko Bay (Greenland), Lake Tekapo (New Zealand), Na Pali Coast (Hawaii, US), Sagrada Familia (Spain), Eiffel Tower (France), Reynisfjara (Iceland), Trolltunga (Norway), Ubud (Bali), Sydney Opera House (Australia), Banff National Park (Canada), Niagara Falls (New York or Ontario), Yellowstone (Wyoming), El Capitan (Yosemite), Statue of Liberty (Liberty Island), Eilean Donan Castle (Scotland), Neuschwanstein Castle (Germany), Matterhorn or Zermatt (Switzerland), or Chichen Itza (Mexico).

31 / PHOTO / 75 POINTS / In the past, stained glass windows usually depicted flowers or devotional symbols like angels and saints. But modern culture venerates a different group. Create a stained glass window of a Kardashian, famous Instagram Influencer, or similar personality with more than 4 million followers. It must be someone who is worshipped simply for being worshipped for being famous. You may not use anyone from the cast of Supernatural. Bonus points if it's installed in an actual cathedral.

32 / PHOTO / 43 POINTS / We're putting you in charge of Supernatural canon for the day. Paint a cannon with an elaborate SPN mural showcasing something that you think should be canon, with a caption like, "It's #SPN Cannon!"

33 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / In the 2018 GISH Most Premiumerest Registration, we included a Misha Collins MishSqueezie stress ball. And though our concept artist did a great job, something got lost in translation and, well... Nailed it! But somewhere out there, there must be the guy that actually looks exactly like this stress ball. Find him and take a picture of him with the MishSqueezie.

34 / PHOTO / 81 POINTS / The Federation of Stormtroopers has been officially sponsored by the X Games this year. Let's see a highlight from one of their competitions with the stormtrooper participating in an extreme sport.

35 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / A pop-up card that's for a blind child. Written in Braille, with pop-ups that can be understood completely by touch. Let's see it in action.

36 / PHOTO / 118 POINTS / Like many Americans, I've been trying to get supplies to the families and kids in detention center along the US border, and despite my C-List celebrity status, it's been tough. But we found a way. Go to SPNFamilyValues.com and follow the instructions there, then screenshot it and send that in as proof.

37 / VIDEO / 32 POINTS / I keep losing my stuff. Invent a Misha-proof AirPod-finding solution that is NOT a cord, because that defeats the entire point of AirPods - and one that works when they're not charged. Show it in use.

38 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / Ugly Holiday sweaters are great, but with the climate crisis heating up the planet, we've got to branch out. Model your best ugly Holiday bathing suit or bikini made of repurposed ugly holiday sweaters. Model it at the beach with a caption touting the virtues of your "Global Warming Holiday Sweater."

39 / VIDEO / 108 POINTS / There's regular golf, and mini-golf, but where are all the maxi-golf courses? We want to see it all - the giant putters, the huge balls, and of course, the windmill.

40 / VIDEO / 45 POINTS / The world is heating up! Time for an old-fashioned kids game that we all know: Hot Planet. With at least 8 people in a public place, play a game of Hot Potato with a reddened globe of the planet Earth. Everyone must be wearing oven mitts and summer wear and not be fazed by the heat, except for one person who is dressed in a suit with a red tie and a Donald Trump mask. Trump isn't wearing mitts and his hands are covered in blisters and while he tries to hide it when the globe gets to his hands, it really hurts.

41 / VIDEO / 67 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS). A high-speed giant game of red rover played by at least 50 wedding guests. The bride must be the one flung across the field. The groom must be running after her holding her train. - Inspired by mdsteele47

42 / PHOTO / 95 POINTS / TWO PICTURES SIDE-BY-SIDE IN ONE IMAGE. I always feel a lot of guilt about the tattoo items in GISH. The first time I added one, I thought it was funny until I saw the tatts and then I felt a little bad. Of course, it gives me a rush of power when I see them in person, and many of them are actually very cool... So I have an idea that allows me to keep feeling powerful, but takes away all of my guilt: Get a tattoo of the encouraging message you wish your higher self had written to get you through the tough times. Because I know many of you already have inspiring tattoos, you must submit two images. The first is an image of you getting the tattoo when you are �-way done at the tattoo parlor, in the chair, holding a sign that reads, "GISH made me do it." The second image is of the finished tattoo. If you can, include your triumphant face. (Don't include more than 2 images in your submission. Just one image with two photos side by side.)

43 / VIDEO / 24 POINTS / Choose a sport you’ve never played before. Go do it with your coach: a child under the age of 10 who is an experienced participant. - Inspired by Coach Odette Padalecki

44 / PHOTO / 94 POINTS / Recreate a Civil War-era photograph with Captain America, Iron Man, and/or their respective sides using the Woodburytype photography technique. As always, no Photoshop allowed unless specified. This one does not allow it.

45 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / Why have chain letters, when you can have chain mail? Create an intricate medieval knight’s suit of armor entirely out of junk mail, with chain mail comprised of chain letters. Must include a junk mail shield, sword, and a codpiece (to protect your "junk").

46 / VIDEO / 135 POINTS / Someone turned your local parking lot into your favorite childhood board game! Using sidewalk chalk or removable tempera, transform at least 5000 square feet of pavement into an enlarged version of your favorite childhood board game. Using a drone’s eye-view, show the whole board (complete with people costumed as game pieces playing).

47 / VIDEO / 141 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS) Garfield phones keep washing up on beaches in France. As you know, that’s because mermaids love cats, so there’s a mermaid call center operation down there selling these phones on QVSea. Show us the QVSea commercial for these phones, as pitched by a mer-spokesperson. Oh, and it should go without saying, but all of this is taking place underwater.

48 / VIDEO / 64 POINTS / A real barbershop quartet singing a passage from the Mueller Report in front of a federally elected political leader’s office.

49 / VIDEO / 48 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS) Talk to an elderly person over 80 and learn all about the best day of their life so far. Then, create a diorama of their best day in a small empty tin or box and give it to them. The video should show them briefly describing the memory and then you presenting them with the diorama. Make sure we get to see the diorama you made and their reaction, too.

50 / PHOTO / 59 POINTS / Write a formal, one-page letter to Gina Haspel, the current Director of the CIA. In it you must outline a plausible, one-page decoding of the fourth Kryptos. The letter must frame the description as an urgent matter and must seamlessly deploy the term “wild unicorn training centers around the globe”. Post a photo of your letter on social media and tag @CIA.

51 / PHOTO / 27 POINTS / Conspiracy theorists need to get with the times! Update the tinfoil hat to reflect technological innovations.

52 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Create MAILWHES, The Most Amazing, Intimidating Letterbox The World Has Ever Seen: a mailbox so amazing, so intimidating, so horrifying that your mail carrier will never dare leave you another piece of junk mail again. There must be teeth around the mail slot or opening.

53 / VIDEO / 64 POINTS / FAST-MOTION. At my friend Philip’s wedding, Giles Duley, myself and a few other forward-thinking innovators devised a new product and we would like to beta test the concept with you. It’s called: SoupFace and it involves eating soup from a bowl made from a plaster mold of your face. First, make a plaster mold of your face. Fill it with warm soup. Consume the soup without using a utensil and when the soup is gone and your face is back in the wet mold. Lift the SoupFace mold off the table without using your hands. Reveal the mask beneath.

54 / VIDEO / 59 POINTS / As all diehard Supernatural fans know, “Assbutt” was a featured player in Season 5, Episode 22 of the show, but the episode ran long and Assbutt’s scene was left on the cutting room floor. Rectify this oversight by releasing the never-before-seen cut of this scene.

55 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / TRIPTYCH. Dawid Planeta illustrates his depression as mysterious creatures. In a 3-panel illustration, show your biggest fear or struggle as a symbolic creature with which you gradually come to terms. Label it so we know what your creature represents.

56 / PHOTO / 73 POINTS / A lot of people use their cell phones while in the bathroom, which is really gross. We understand that it can get boring in there, though. Help people break society’s screen addiction with our new solution: Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter toilet paper! Re-create a verified social media account on a roll of toilet paper- images and all. Scroll away—but don’t read the comments. (They’re crap.) Install it in a public bathroom as a public service.

57 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / Send noods! There’s been an epidemic of people sending explicit noodle photos to unsuspecting people. We believe consent is important, and in this case, we consent—with some STRICT caveats: Recreate a TASTEFUL image of a famous nude painting or sculpture in noodles ONLY and then post it on social media tagged #SendNoods. Submit your actual image and a link to the tweet in your comments.

58 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 38 POINTS / Ask a child aged 5 or under what their greatest fear is. Create and photograph or film a scene of you and them conquering this fear together. - Kristin L.

59 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / Cement your own joy.

60 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 244 POINTS / Angry birds. Flappy birds. Candy Crush. All those other games are so boring compared to GISH: The Game! Build an app game for the GISH App. It must feature a GISH mascot and integrate fully into the GISH App. Full specs for integration can be found here.

61 / PHOTO / 39 POINTS / (F)underwear.

62 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / Each day, one member of your team must find one broken thing to upcycle and give to someone in need. Take a photo and, at the end of the Hunt week, submit a collage of the 7 now-useful items your team has gathered, refurbished, and donated. (You may not use a bicycle, but you may use a unicycle or tricycle.) - Inspired by Monica D.

63 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / The ’80s are back, and we can’t escape all that goes with them: including stereoscopic images. Make a stereoscopic “Magic Eye” image of something that scares you as much as '80s fashion scares us.

64 / PHOTO / 62 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Outside a migrant detention center, lift a massive banner using balloons, drones, or telescoping poles at least 10 feet high with a message like, “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me.” "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” “When a stranger sojourns with you in your land, you shall not do him wrong.” Be responsible with your balloons. Don’t let them fly away or burst and leave shards anywhere.

65 / PHOTO / 67 POINTS / An upscale art gallery opening at a landfill. All exhibits must be made from things found at the landfill. One professional art critic must be present to review the works.

66 / VIDEO / 256 POINTS / Plane air painting: A wing-walker on a biplane, painting a picture on a canvas of the landscape from their point of view. Show us the painting as it’s happening, and then the completed painting being held by the wing-walker.

67 / VIDEO / 49 POINTS / A signer performing the National Anthem silently in sign language on a field at a stadium that seats more than 5,000, with a sizeable crowd of spectators.

68 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / I’m not saying Jared Padalecki is a big softie, but here’s a portrait of him toasted onto a marshmallow. Just the way it should be.

69 / PHOTO / 40 POINTS / Nobody’s more devoted or grateful to firefighters than we are, except maybe a dalmatian. Or Smokey the Bear. Go to your local fire station dressed as a dalmatian or Smokey the Bear and create a relaxation station to thank them for their work. You can bring treats, offer mani-pedis, foot or shoulder massages, aromatherapy... You get the idea.

70 / PHOTO / 69 POINTS / Over the years, Jensen Ackles has been depicted in Skittles, but we all know his character Dean loves pie. Let's do a crossover: Bake a Skittles pie with a portrait of Jensen baked into the upper crust. Lattice work in the top crust should allow you to see the Skittles inside behind Jensen. Here’s some inspiration..

71 / VIDEO / 66 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. Create a thạch rau câu (Vietnamese Jelly Cake) portrait of a classic movie monster. You may not use the blob. We must see the injection process and your completed jelly cake.

72 / VIDEO / 51 POINTS / In Chengdu, China, kung fu tea (long spout, performance tea pouring) is popular. But it was just a matter of time before it was appropriated by other cultures. Show us a barista performing the Mengding Mountain 18 Forms of Dragon Flying Postures Kung Fu Tea pour at a Starbucks.

73 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / An actual lumberjack working up on a tree with an impressive, long beard made out of googly eyes.

74 / VIDEO / 77 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds) A stop-motion animation of a life-saving first aid technique (CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, etc.) featuring dolls or puppets in crisis.

75 / PHOTO / 178 POINTS / Danish artist Thomas Dambo creates massive wooden giants from recycled materials and installs them in Copenhagen forests. That’s great, but some giants prefer urban living. Build a hipster giant that’s at least 8’ (2.4m) tall from recycled materials and place it in the middle of a busy city or town.

76 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Not all insects aspire to just be insects. Some have ambitions and hobbies! Without harming it, get a live fly, beetle, roach or other insect to sit on a sheet of paper and doodle an environment around it showing it at its job or hobby.

77 / PHOTO / 75 POINTS / An actual space suit with a GISH 2019 patch on it next to the national flag.

78 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / The Enterprise wasn’t the only vehicle in the not-so-final frontier. Show us Star Trek covered wagons. Tweet your image to @WilliamShatner with the message “Admit it, Bill. This is how you really voyaged.” You may use Photoshop for this item. Submit your image, along with a LINK to your tweet in your submission comments for points.

79 / PHOTO / 72 POINTS / The insect world is under-appreciated, but they are tiny works of art. Create a realistic-looking, oversized detailed sculpture of an underappreciated arachnid or insect out of bread, ice, or marble, the way Michaelangelo would have done if he’d had the time. You may not make a dragonfly, ladybug, butterfly or any other insect that has already been socially normalized as “cute”. - Inspired by Kat F.

80 / PHOTO / 49 POINTS / The Wondersmith makes surprise, fantastical parties in the forests of Oregon, which we find lovely. Set up a surprise party for hikers at least ½ a mile from a rest area that’s clearly been created by forest-dwelling fairies and/or trolls (that’s you). Make sure it’s welcoming, and capture the moment you’re surprising them— both you and the hikers should be in the image. They must be real hikers and strangers to you—don’t bring in ringers, or you’ll anger the fairy queen.

81 / VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Love makes the world go round. Build a machine that uses love to spin a globe.

82 / PHOTO / 160 POINTS / COLLAGE. In the Western United States, there are mountain monograms, giant glyphs of letters that are often there for no discernable reason. Create your own Mountain Monograms out of natural materials to craft a message with purpose. Submit a photo of your glyph message that says something inspiring to the birds and planes that fly over it. Your message must be at least 2 words long, with each letter at least 6 feet tall and each letter must be on separate peaks. You may not do this on protected land.

83 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / The London Zoo has a pair of penguins who are out and proud, but they didn’t get to march in Pride because they are penguins in a zoo. We think that’s just wrong. Dress up in penguin suits and march through your town with rainbow flags to show your support for Penguin and LGBTQIA+ Pride.

84 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. This means something… Subtractive food sculpture. Start with a block of cheese or a massive mountain of mashed potatoes and without using tools, eat your way to an ornate re-creation of a famous statue.

85 / PHOTO / 29 POINTS / You’ve heard of a scarecrow, but let’s see a straw-stuffed scarevolleyballplayer at the beach.

86 / VIDEO / 84 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS) In 2020, we’re gonna need a 30-second GISH ad worthy of airing during the Super Bowl, advertising the latest in summer refreshment: “GISH.”

87 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 45 POINTS / Misha doesn’t have a ton of skills other than “acting on camera”, but he does try hard. He’s also at a potential career transition point. Help him explore other career paths by creating a poster of him photoshopped doing another job you think he’d be suited for.

88 / VIDEO / 31 POINTS / Ben Ferencz started each dinner table conversation with his children by asking them, “What did you do today to make the world a better place?” Wake up tomorrow and take a specific, positive action to make the world a better/nicer/happier/prettier place with a child as your assistant. Then show us what you did.

89 / PHOTO / 34 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Some people long to have a picnic at the Longaberger Basket Building, and you and your friends are no different. But size matters! Enjoy a to-scale picnic on the grounds in front of the building- giant fruits and sandwiches, etc. No Photoshop just forced perspective.

90 / PHOTO / 58 POINTS / It’s an ineffable Good Omen to see Azrapahile and Crowley sharing a hot fudge sundae on Sunday. Post your picture on social media tagged #GoodOmens and @neilhimself. Bonus points if the sundae is eaten at a Sundae School in Cape Cod.

91 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / A Cairn Terrier. (His name is Rocky. He won’t come when he’s called.)

92 / VIDEO / 48 POINTS / One of our Gishers was able to help her mom act FAST and responded in time to help her with a stroke. Last we heard, her mom is okay, but she can’t play this year—so in her honor, it’s time for a quick refresher on recognizing a stroke. Do a rendition of “Head, Shoulders Knees and Toes” with some kind of lyrics like: “Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)! Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)! When someone’s had a stroke their life is on the line! Face, Arms, Speech, Call in Time (don’t waste time)!” with the appropriate movements. Include a link to the National Stroke Association and GISH on a final card of your video. Post it on social media tagged #GISH, @robbenedict, and @natstrokeassn. - Inspired by Nicole’s mom

93 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / A Mom-and-Pop shop that sells Moms and Pops. (New and used.) Show a young child making a purchase.

94 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / (AUDIO UP TO 90 SECONDS) We’re auditioning new anchors for G-ISH, GISH RADIO! Send us a clip of your team’s broadcast debut as you discuss the climate crisis’ effect on sea levels with a real, noted expert in the field.

95 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / Tatsuya Tanaka creates miniature worlds with everyday objects. Her scenes are whimsical, which is how the world should be... but is not always how tiny-world actually is. Create a miniature, dismal and tragic scene using small reimagined objects.

96 / PHOTO / 15 POINTS / Write your resume as a haiku.

97 / PHOTO / 34 POINTS / 8554J46H+FH. You, the Carrot God, have summoned them.

98 / PHOTO / 95 POINTS / (GRID). The hot new trading card battle game is GISHémon! Create a trading card for each of your team mates with their photo and stats (location, Gisher type, powers, etc.) as the powerful kindness monsters they are. We must see each teammate’s unobscured face for it to count.

99 / PHOTO / 55 POINTS / Little known fact: when an avocado is fully ripe, it hatches. Show us the tiny, intricately carved creature sleeping inside (which you’ve carved from the pit).

100 / VIDEO / 24 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. Write a phrase on a piece of wood of something negative you say about yourself to silence yourself or hold yourself back. Burn the wood and the phrase in a fireplace or fire pit. Use the ashes to write something affirming about your strong self on a sheet of white paper.

101 / PHOTO / 30 POINTS / The heir to the throne of France was known as the Dauphin, French for "dolphin". According to Donald Trump, the heir to the British throne is the Prince of... Whales? Illustrate a meeting of these two majestic undersea figures, with Macron and Prince Charles as their respective attendants. (This may be photoshopped or, for bonus points, live action.)

102 / VIDEO / 31 POINTS / Reach out to a senior in your family or community and ask them about a commercially made snack or dish from their childhood that brings them fond memories—something that just doesn’t exist anymore. Try to recreate it based on their description, then share your creation with them and record their assessment.

103 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / A carbon footprint on a globe.

104 / VIDEO / 58 POINTS / A motorized vehicle with cheese wheels. It can be a motorcycle, tricycle, or 4-wheel vehicle, but it must have cheese wheels made from actual cheese.

105 / VIDEO / 320 POINTS / Get Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions, Jair Bolsonaro, Boris Johnson, or any other duplicitous, nationalistic high-ranking politician to tell the absolute, verifiable truth about any controversial and uncomfortable (for them) topic they normally lie to the public about. It must really be the real person, not an actor or someone in a mask. You must be able to verify the facts through a nonpartisan, independent source. (This may be our first truly impossible item.)

106 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / A bacterial culture petri dish portrait of Jonas Salk. Tweet this to Melinda Gates thanking her for her work vaccinating children.

107 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / Create a haiku for an animal on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species that tells of the animal’s plight and why we should protect it. Next to the haiku, include a hand-drawn picture or origami sculpture of the animal.

108 / PHOTO / 79 POINTS / Stonehenge was cool, but it just wasn't built with sustainability or environmental impact in mind, so now we're stuck with ancient druid clutter by the side of the road. As a modern druidic architect, you know better. Next to a highway, build an architecturally significant henge out of 100% recycled materials that represent our current culture. (Cardboardhenge, Styrofoamhenge, LaCroixCanhenge, etc). Stonehenge is 30’ (9.1m) tall, but don’t worry—yours can be as short as 1:3 scale—but it must include at least one dolmen.

109 / PHOTO / 96 POINTS / An elaborate hinged, Faberge-style Easter egg that opens to reveal Trump & Putin embracing.

110 / VIDEO / 21 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Play “the floor is lava” in front of the Osservatorio Vesuviano in Pompeii. If you can’t get to Pompeii, you can play it at any Olive Garden, as long as you get other diners to join in.

111 / PHOTO / 38 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. COLLABORATIVE. Swap-meet day! Use the GISH app to coordinate with at least 5 other Gishers in your area to meet up and hold a yard sale. Except, this is not a yard-sale, it’s a yard-giveaway: the GISH Community Bazaar. Bring as many items as you can bear to part with and set up shop. And remember, no money must change hands and no bartering! All items must be gifted to passers-by and everything must go!

112 / PHOTO / 24 POINTS / A jello mold with a funeral scene inside.

113 / VIDEO / 18 POINTS / COLLABORATIVE. In Uppsala, Sweden, there is a tradition called the Flogsta Scream. Every night at 10 pm, students at university stop what they are doing to let out a collective, primal scream from their rooftops and dorms. This tradition shouldn’t be exclusive to Sweden, so at 6PM on Friday, August 3rd, get together with as many Gishers and other humans as you can in a public setting and let out one deep, primitive, collective howl. 

PS: We’re still #sorrynotsorry, Sweden.

114 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / The best part about being in the hospital is the couture. Hold a hospital gown fashion show in your local hospital to show off red-carpet-worthy hospital gowns of your creation. Glam it up and walk (or roll) the runway with any patients that might be able and willing to participate… and don’t forget the slip-proof socks!

115 / PHOTO / 48 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. Bring an old bike back to life with a flourish—make it the most beautiful bike in the world. Give it to someone to someone in need. Submit photos of the bike before and after refurbishment, side-by-side. - Item Written By Misha’s Mom

116 / VIDEO / 40 POINTS / MONTAGE. Basic Training can be hell, and the military needs our support! Create a video of you and your team collecting and packing “basics” to send to a currently deployed serviceperson. The catch: your video should emulate a “basic training” montage from a movie-obstacles courses, bucket brigades, etc. (You must actually ship the goods, choosing ONLY from this list or a similar approved list for your country of origin: CLICK HERE) - Jennifer W.

117 / PHOTO / 45 POINTS / This year, we lost a beloved furry friend, Peter Mayhew (the actor who played Chewbacca). In honor of his memory, create a felted Chewbacca out of your pet’s hair.

118 / VIDEO / 46 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. The LGBTQIA community struggles a lot with erasure. Make sure everyone feels seen: create a portrait of an iconic LGBTQIA person by first filling up a page with a rainbow of colored pencils or pastels, then use an eraser to lift out the negative space, leaving the colored portrait behind. Include a message letting them know they are seen and loved. Post it to social media and tag the person, if they’re on social media, then submit your portrait with the link (if any) in the comments. (This may be done in oil pastels as well.)

119 / PHOTO / 82 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. Some people really do have eyes in the back of their head. Before and after images of a person with long hair, and then their head shaved and a recognizable portrait of their own face shaved onto the back of their own head. (Donate the hair to a non-profit organization that makes wigs for cancer patients.)

120 / PHOTO / 26 POINTS / Neil Armstrong stepped on to the Moon 50 years ago. To memorialize this amazing achievement, make your own “One Small Step” monument. Take a Giant Leap for mankind and put your foot somewhere it has never been before and probably should not go, then show us the resulting footprint.

121 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. You know those garden gnomes that dotted your grandmother’s backyard? Well, it’s been a while and now they have fallen on hard times. They have turned to a life of crime and misanthropy. Their little gnome hearts are filled with despair, hatred, and regret. Show us the before and after.

122 / VIDEO / 131 POINTS / The next time that Earth’s magnetic poles reverse themselves, your magnetic compass won’t be much help navigating. Fortunately, you remember a mention from a history class of a “south-facing chariot” [SFC] invented in China some 2500 years ago. To be better prepared for the coming magnetic mélange, you have decided to build a functioning SFC so that you can always find your way home. Of course, your SFC will be topped with an assbutt and your chariot will be modeled after a 1967 Impala.

123 / PHOTO / 81 POINTS / Everyone goes to visit the Southernmost Point in Key West, FL, but it really never gets to travel. We’re changing that. Make a 1:2 replica of the Southernmost Point and take it on holiday to the Westernmost, Northernmost, or Easternmost points of the US or any landmass. Take a photo with it at the nearest marker or tourist attraction to prove you were there, and submit with the location and coordinates in your comments.

124 / PHOTO / 23 POINTS / Put your face somewhere it absolutely does not belong. Not a picture of your face. Your real face. In that place. Where it should NOT be! (Keep it clean. My mother will see this.)

125 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / Senator Ted Cruz is worried about pirates in space. Seriously. He is. Well, we are pretty sure that his fears are well-founded. Let’s prove it to him: Show us space pirates in action. Tweet your picture to him at @tedcruz (and be sure to use the #GISHSpacePirates hashtag!)

126 / VIDEO / 71 POINTS / Last year we asked you to put wings on something that absolutely should not fly and prove that it can. One team (Team Schnitzeljaeger) made a pizza box fly. For this year, make a pizza fly (sans box). You may not throw it in the air, drop it, or fling it. It must attain flight through some mechanical means. Just the pizza. Not the box. The pizza must fly from near ground level to at least 50’ high and must travel horizontally at least 100 feet by any means. Must be edible and consumed after it lands.

127 / PHOTO / 46 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. The Dalton Highway stretches 414 miles from Fairbanks to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska. About halfway along it, there is a roadside marker denoting crossing into the Arctic Circle. Send us a photo of you standing next to the marker. Having a moose in the picture is optional, but preferred. Being dressed as a moose is mandatory.

128 / PHOTO / 56 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. We’re creating the GISH International Forest! Go out and plant as many trees as you can and add your trees to THIS MAP. Once you plant them, you will become their stewards, so choose your location wisely: make sure you’re allowed to plant there and that the trees are native so they can flourish. Add a small, eco-friendly sign with GISH INTERNATIONAL FOREST, GISH.com and your team’s name on it. Submit your photo along with a screenshot of its place on the map and number of trees you planted in the comments. If you can’t plant a tree on your own for reasons of mobility, hospitalization, etc, a donation to OTP of at least one tree will suffice, but you still have to tell us approximately where they are and how many trees you planted and add them to our map.

129 / PHOTO / 44 POINTS / This year is the 150th anniversary of the first Transcontinental Railroad, which opened up rapid (for the time) access across the United States. The original event in 1869 was celebrated as the Central Pacific Railroad locomotive “Jupiter” and the Union Pacific Railroad locomotive #119 came nose-to-nose as a Golden Spike was driven into the final section of track. Well, we firmly believe that every good anniversary deserves cake! Recreate the Jupiter, or #119, or both, made entirely from cake.

130 / PHOTO / 26 POINTS / A cyanotype photo of junk-food wrapping or junk-food.

131 / VIDEO / 61 POINTS / You have accepted a new position with the Mars Tourism Bureau. To attract potential visitors to the wonderful Mars climate, you plan to inform them of the daily environmental trends. Create a 15-second video weather report, complete with temperature and wind descriptions and get a real weathercaster dressed as an alien to report it on local news during a live broadcast. 

Note: Your Mars weather information must be real and correct for the day you submit your video! We will be checking!

132 / VIDEO / 132 POINTS / A very large balance scale. (The kind of old-fashioned scale that we think of when we say, “the scales of justice.”) On one side, at least 5 very wealthy-looking people. On the other, at least 5 very impoverished-looking people. The scales are tipped in favor of the elite. Find a way to balance the scales.

133 / PHOTO / 22 POINTS / Everyone talks about “viral videos.” We think we know what those are. Share a GISH video of a biological (not technological) virus and get it to go “viral” with at least 1,000 likes. It must include GISH.com in the video and text to count. #ViralVirus

134 / VIDEO / 81 POINTS / (UP TO 30 SECONDS). It’s time for GIFF - the GISH International Film Festival! Create a 30-second horror film. Noted author Neil Gaiman tweeted: “You've got a week to rob a bank using only a rattlesnake, radioactive uranium and a bottle of whiskey.” “Jed here has a week to steal a battleship using a goat, a can of gold paint, and three resin models of Warren G. Harding. Go!" Use either prompt as the plot of your GIFF film. Post your film on social media and be sure to tag #GISH and @neilhimself, then submit the video and the link to your post in comments.

135 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 51 POINTS / The aliens have been in Area 51 for decades. Why do they stay? Because of all the amenities, of course. Show us the leisurely life of aliens at Area 51: the best Retirement Community in the Universe! We want to see elderly aliens playing shuffleboard, mahjong, and bingo, getting alien spa treatments, doing tai chi and pilates... You get the idea. Post your submission to social media tagged #GISH, #Area51 & #SocialSecurityCheXFiles

136 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / COLLABORATIVE. Join the movement to cross-stitch what you care about: create a cross-stitch picket sign for a cause you believe in. Connect with at least 2 other teams and craft a protest march on a street corner. - Item Written By Misha’s Mom

137 / VIDEO / 38 POINTS / Megan Rapinoe reminds us all that despite equal skill, women are often not treated to a level playing field in business. Show us a team of female office workers playing soccer in traditional business attire opposite men with a ball that says “EQUAL PAY.” The women, of course, should score.

138 / PHOTO / 26 POINTS / The most stressful spa environment ever. - Lynette

139 / PHOTO / 126 POINTS / Recently, a mylar balloon from Disney’s Frozen was found on the bottom of the ocean floor… Clearly leftover from an undersea birthday party. Show us the underwater party, including the birthday person blowing out the candles on their cake. PS: Your mother doesn’t live there! DO NOT leave a mess or impact sea life.

140 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 37 POINTS / Now that Donald Trump is president, people around the world have squandered billions of man-hours talking/worrying/complaining about him. Have an economist calculate the cost to the global economy of these lost hours. They must show their work and be a professor of economics.

141 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Part of your job for the Mars Tourism bureau is managing PR. Design a brochure or poster that convinces people to visit our timeshare at Scenic Mt. gishwhes (on Mars).

142 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / We just celebrated the 50th anniversary of the moon landing. Prove it was faked.

143 / VIDEO / 91 POINTS / Thanks to modern technology, we can relax and watch TV virtually anywhere, even in the loo—but we still can’t kick back on the porcelain throne and relax while we do. Create a toilet recliner to solve this problem.

144 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / You thought they said, “Get Out the GOAT.” Be the Greatest Of All Time by co-hosting a voter registration booth with a goat.

145 / PHOTO / 70 POINTS / Mary Poppins and the Demogorgon from Stranger Things both loved hanging around in the Upside down! Create a convincing image of you having upside-down high tea on the ceiling with Mary Poppins and a Demogorgon. Post it to social media and tag the Stranger Things accounts and GISH. - Inspired by TessaMac

146 / PHOTO / 53 POINTS / Every year, I send Gishers to visit my grandmother at Roland Park Place retirement home in Baltimore, Maryland, and this year is no different. Visit her retirement community (or any nursing home or community near you) and help the residents escape—metaphorically, of course. Take them on a tropical getaway by staging an impromptu beach party! Between the hours of 1 PM ET—3 PM ET on Monday, July 29 and Wed July 31 only, bring flower leis, small flowers, pre-packaged treats (nothing homemade), postcards with kind notes on them and/or a ukulele or guitar to sing with them. Ask them to reminisce about the happiest summer vacation they ever took. (PS: No bathing suits and leave the sand home, please. Hawaiian shirts are fine.)

147 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 73 POINTS / COLLABORATIVE. The evening of Sunday, July 28 is the event of the year: the #WeJustMetGala! Get together with Gishers in your area at your local museum in the strangest, fanciest attire you can create—go so all-out, you make Billy Porter jealous. Roll out the red carpet and a banner, then convince strangers passing by to pose with you for red carpet pictures. Be fabulous! We must see the museum in the background, and there must be paparazzi.

148 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / You know that this is the 50th anniversary of Woodstock. But did you know that Woodstock the bird from Peanuts first appeared 2 years earlier? In 1967? So actually Woodstock the bird is 52. He’s drunk a lot of beer over the years and can’t hide it, but he is vain, so he’s had lots of work done. Tons of collagen and botox. He wears a toupee. He dyes his feathers. Show us what he looks like today.

149 / PHOTO / 81 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. A Jackson Pollock paint-by-numbers kit: before, and after it’s been painted. (No cheating- follow the numbers!)

150 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / A ukiyo-e woodblock print depicting an image of your worst nightmare. (Caption it so we know what it is.)

151 / PHOTO / 21 POINTS / You know how they keep making movies out of games? Like the Pikachu movie? Or Battleship: The Movie? Why don’t they ever go after the real money and make poems out of these properties? Write Battleship the poem, or Pikachu the poem. Must be at least 10 lines long.

152 / VIDEO / 63 POINTS / Birthday wishes are getting fulfilled so much faster since we automated processing. Show us a Rube Goldberg machine that is activated by a child under 10 blowing out candles on a birthday cake, and ends with the thing they wished for being delivered into their hands.

153 / PHOTO / 41 POINTS / I said no more ponies in the living room, and I meant it! But unicorns are totally okay.

154 / VIDEO / 37 POINTS / It’s GISH University, Year 2! Each person on your team must attempt to learn a new skill they have never tried before and document the experience, including the first attempt.

155 / PHOTO / 33 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. Thar’s plastic in them thar waters! A prospector panning for microplastics on a public beach. Craft jewelry from anything you collect and show it to us.

156 / PHOTO / 47 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Where do angels go for tea? To the sky garden, of course! Depict two angels having tea while seated on a cloud on the edge of the Liss Ard Sky Garden in Ireland. Photograph them from the central plinth so it appears they are hovering in the sky.

157 / PHOTO / 37 POINTS / A hand-made kite that looks just like the face of that famous person you look up to, high in the sky.

158 / VIDEO / 249 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. Oceanic exploration shouldn’t just be for the elite. Companies are working on making exploration affordable, but we need something now. Drop a camera and a light in a tiny, weighted, protected housing with a window on a line (so you can pull it back up). Just outside the window a common object filled with air. Like an aluminum water bottle, or a balloon animal, or something made of styrofoam. Lower everything at least 1000 feet below sea level. The camera should be rolling so we can see at what point your object gets crushed by the pressure of the ocean. You cannot contract a submersible company and cannot pay for this to be done—this is a DIY project only. Oh, and keep it green: you must retract the line or you will be docked points. If you leave any piece of this in the ocean, including the line, we’re docking you points.

159 / VIDEO / 7 POINTS / Right a great American novel. This is not a typo.

160 / PHOTO / 51 POINTS / The lunar ticks are in the hall… Pink Floyd knew what was up. Show us what the lunar ticks on the dark side of the moon look like (you know, because you have a specimen preserved in a jar in your front hall.)

161 / VIDEO / 81 POINTS / Thirsty for a challenge? Build a puzzle jug. Show you building it, then someone else figuring it out and successfully drinking from it.

162 / PHOTO / 77 POINTS / GRID. Thomas Deininger makes amazing representational sculptures out of found objects. Using EVERY piece of non-recyclable, inorganic trash you generate during the Hunt, create a 3-dimensional, representational self-portrait. EVERY member of your team must do this.

163 / VIDEO / 39 POINTS / Paint a Jenga set red, white, and blue. On each one write a word or phrase from the constitution. Get a real US Republican and a Democratic Congressperson to play (State or Federal). See how many they can remove before this whole thing collapses.

164 / VIDEO / 223 POINTS / “Fake news” was bad enough, but it’s pervading all media now and we can’t believe anything we see. Create a Deep Fake of Misha Collins complimenting Donald Trump. (We put this item in at the last minute after Misha’s final read-through of the list, so he doesn’t know about it. Don’t tip him off. We just want to see his reaction. You know, because he loves Donald Trump so much. This must be actual, digital Deep Fake footage (google it), not you in a mask, and not just a voice over or clever edit, to count. Video must be at least 5 seconds in length.

165 / PHOTO / 42 POINTS / Apparently, once upon a time, the US government weaponized ticks. (Really.) Show us a pinboard with an example of a tiny, weaponized tick, complete with Rambo-style military gear and assault rifles.

166 / VIDEO / 43 POINTS / Love has no borders, and neither does fun. Show two people on opposite sides of an international border crossing or wall playing a game such as charades, Pictionary, or another game that does not require them to touch or pass goods across the border.

167 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. Last year, we suggested Gishers melt a message into a glacier or iceberg with a laser and received lots of complaints. We now recognize that people melting words into icebergs for scavenger hunts is one of the biggest problems facing our environment today. Have a climate scientist calculate the volume of water produced by, let’s say, 10,000 people melting eleven 6’ tall letters, 2” deep in an iceberg. Then have them calculate the amount of water produced by the additional melting caused by a .5 degree global temperature increase. Show us the numbers and analysis so we know how bad Misha should feel.

168 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / Check out a book from a local small-town library that hasn’t been checked out in at least 20 years. Submit a photo of you holding up the book with the stamped inner jacket showing the dates or other visual proof of this stellar feat.

169 / PHOTO / 159 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. Tiny homes help those experiencing homelessness be a little safer and have dignity, but they’re hard to move around, and that presents a problem. Create blueprints for a Tiny Home that is durable and large enough for an adult to comfortably walk into through a door, yet can be folded down into a flat cart on with wheels for mobility and made of ultra-lightweight materials.

170 / PHOTO / 119 POINTS / Climb ev’ry mountain! Like most nuns, Mother Abbess was an avid climber. Show us a nun in a full habit, rappelling down a steep grade of mountain.

171 / VIDEO / 88 POINTS / (Up to 30 seconds) Get a well-known sportscaster to do a play-by-play for a real wedding.

172 / VIDEO / 40 POINTS / They say that to perform CPR, you should compress someone’s chest to the beat of “Staying Alive” by the BeeGees. Get CPR certification while dressed in 70s disco attire.

173 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Gishers have become nationals of Westarctica and other micronations, but it’s time we claimed our own land. Since nobody else has done it, we’re officially claiming the Great Pacific Garbage Patch as New Gishlandia! Help us with our micronation building: Create a flag, a national anthem, a crest, a statue of our Founder or a propaganda poster (all material items should be constructed solely from plastic trash).

174 / VIDEO / 45 POINTS / The Gabra people of northern Kenya are a nomadic people who believe in living in balance with the environment and live by the tenet, “a poor man shames us all.” Mutual support is imperative in their culture, and no one is allowed to go without food, shelter, or hospitality—something the whole world could learn from. Take a page from the Gabra and go on a nomadic journey through your neighborhood, bringing with you as much food and water as you can carry along with cards with phone numbers and addresses for local shelters. Bring sustenance, hydration, and support to anyone in need you find, and document your journey including how far you traveled and how many people you helped along. Anyone appearing in the video must give permission.

175 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 41 POINTS / LOCATION-BASED. Do something you’ve always been told you can’t, or shouldn’t, do while at (or outside) the Forbidden Corner in Coverham, England.

176 / PHOTO / 68 POINTS / You look so festive with your “real avocado leather” purse or shoes made from avocado peels. - Inspired by Debbie M.

177 / PHOTO / 31 POINTS / Remember FloJo? Florence Griffith Joyner a world-record-setting Olympic athlete whose long, intricately painted fingernails made her an 80s style legend. Times marches on, and now instead of FloJo, we’ve got BoJo—but style trends endure. Paint a portrait of Boris Johnson, FloJo style—on your excessively long acrylic pinky nail.

178 / VIDEO / 28 POINTS / When you want to say something sweet to your loved one, you always use s’mores code.

179 / VIDEO / 90 POINTS / Walking on water is so 2,000 years ago--but it’s a timeless tradition. Construct shoes that allow someone to walk on water. You may not be standing on anything that’s under the water and the water must be at least 6 feet deep. You must be in a lake, pond, river or ocean. NOT a swimming pool. You must take at least 6 steps. No stilts in the water. No super shallow water.

180 / VIDEO / 41 POINTS / Create a 6 ft by 6 ft painting using only your body, paint, and a white sheet for a canvas. Bonus points if you manage to create representational art. - Kamila B.

181 / VIDEO / 36 POINTS / On today’s segment of your cooking show, we learn how to make your world-renowned recipe for dessert haggis.

182 / PHOTO / 16 POINTS / You know that feeling, when there's a word on the tip of your tongue but you just can't seem to say it? Show us that word. On the tip of your tongue. - @baileysaurusrex

183 / VIDEO / 31 POINTS / My favorite poet, Mary Oliver, passed away recently. In tribute, make a video showcasing the top highlights of your team’s week and end it with the quote “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” - Inspired by The Plaid Fox

184 / PHOTO / 63 POINTS / We've seen the pictures of dogs catching treats by German photographer Christian Vieler. Let's see a high-speed photo of your teammate catching treats in the same style and photographic detail. -Kandace

185 / PHOTO / 28 POINTS / SIDE-BY-SIDE. Hasan Minhaj rightly points out that there are many places in the US (and the world) with offensive names. We’re all for a good Assbutt, North Dakota or ****, Michigan, but if it’s racist or marginalizes a group we’re opposed. Find a place on the map or a street name that celebrates a known racist or slave-holder or war criminal or simply a place name that uses a derogatory term and petition to have it changed to an inoffensive alternative. If you’re in the US, this is where you can start and if you’re abroad, seek out your local organization that manages names of cities, towns, and locations. Submit a screenshot of your proposal, then put your petition here so other teams can sign yours. Finally, make sure you sign at least 5 other teams’ petitions (you’ll find all the petitions here.)

186 / VIDEO / 35 POINTS / It’s not just for fine dining anymore... At a fast-food establishment, get a grill cook to create a McAmuse-Bouche and serve it to a waiting, unsuspecting customer.

187 / VIDEO / 104 POINTS / TIMELAPSE. In Japan, there is a fad of polishing aluminum foil into a perfectly polished ball. You just topped that with your wad of aluminum foil-turned-perfectly polished bust of your favorite celebrity. Tweet an image of the final product to your celebrity crush tagging #GISH, then submit the image and include the link to the tweet in the comments section of your submission.

188 / PHOTO / 69 POINTS / A menstrual Pad-alecki. Create a menstrual product bust of Jared Padalecki... and make sure his hair really "flows." Then, donate at least an equal number of products to a women's shelter. (We don’t have to see you donating: just include your donations receipt somewhere in the image by your sculpture.)

189 / PHOTO OR VIDEO / 49 POINTS / We're not saying the cast of Supernatural is hot, but your fumage portrait of a Supernatural actor or actress speaks for itself. Smokin'! (Be super careful with this one- and have a fire extinguisher at the ready just in case. Remember, GISH doesn't pay medical bills and you're not allowed to hurt yourself - or anyone or anything else. If you can't be sure of that, pick a different item. (Post your video to the actor depicted).

190 / PHOTO / 229 POINTS / Evolution of the selfie: A person with an iPhone taking a selfie next to a person with a point-and-shoot camera who is taking a photo of a person with a Polaroid camera who is taking a picture of a person with a 35mm camera who is taking a photo of a person with a daguerreotype camera taking a picture of a person with a camera obscura taking a picture of someone painting a self-portrait. This should be a single photo, not photos from each camera.

191 / PHOTO / 0 POINTS / We will post an ambitious charity item that we will all collaborate on together shortly. Get ready!

[its-chotime]

Groceries in the Time of COVID-19, Part 2

I’ve been hesitant to write this but because I still see a lot of people on my street and people sharing on Instagram all these ridiculous recipes that require a million ingredients that most people don’t have slash people going on FREQUENT jaunts outside (oh the audacity!), here I go.  In the words of my friend, “...and if we eat only pasta with black pepper, we’re still gonna make it.” Throw in a canned protein source but the point is this: you need less than you think to survive. Right now is not the time for every luxury you feel entitled to.  First off, read this comprehensive Food Safety and Coronavirus Guide by Kenji Lopez (author of The Food Lab). He’s a writer I trust and he explains how to reduce risk when grocery shopping, ordering deliveries, etc.  Next, here’s where I am getting food deliveries from in Paris.

*I will not promote Deliveroo, UberEats, or INSERT WHATEVER DELIVERY CORPORATION HERE right now. The delivery folks were exploited even before a pandemic and they are being exploited now. They are underpaid, have very little labor AND health protection, etc. Not to mention how these companies fuck restaurants with their high cuts. Don’t believe me? Read this (EATER) about what shit GrubHub is pulling in the US. Do what you think is best. 

IMPORTANT: I feel guilty from privilege when I think of the warehouse, delivery, grocery store folks, sanitation workers, etc. who are working tirelessly right now (often underpaid work). They truly are the ones keeping the world going right now. So do your part: don't go to the grocery store if you’re sick, abide by the “no contact” delivery rules, etc. Please put yourselves in their shoes.  1. KOREAN GROCERIES:

I’m living without my favorite Korean butcher cuts. It’s hard but I’ll be fine. Kmart and Ace is within the 2 km radius I’m allowed to roam freely with an attestation in but I will not put myself or others at risk. I’m using the packaged steaks I bought in lieu of other cuts but using sesame oil and jangs (Korean fermented pastes). It’s good enough. 

I bought some last minute Korean snacks and essentials from Coreewa. They delivery all over France via Choronpost Fresh in 2-3 days. I appreciate they they sell refrigerated, like kimchi, and frozen goods, like bibigo mandu. Delivery fees reasonable. 

Another option for those in Paris is Ace Mart Online Delivery. I used it and it was great!!! Delivery the next day except for the weekends for purchases over 80EUR. Website is available in French and Korean. 

2. AMERICAN GROCERIES

This is really my favorite secret but I am sharing because it’s a tough time and as an American away from home, I really know how important it is to have food that feels like home. US FOODZ is a Dutch company that has all your cravings: Hot Cheetos, Hidden Valley Ranch Dressing (they sell out fast!), Kraft Mac N Cheese, Reese’s, and more. 

I ordered like the week before the lockdown and got my box in 24 hrs. Orders only over 50EUR are accepted and start at 9EUR, free delivery starts at 75EUR. They also have super rare Japanese snacks, like funky Pringles and Kit Kat flavors. Gods are real, yes? 

My American Market isn’t my cup of tea. Don’t tell me, “there’s also My American Market.” I do my research and I am really good at using the Internet.  3. REGULAR GROCERIES 

I haven’t gone outside once other than to meet a delivery but I plan to go grocery shopping every 10-14 days if I’m feeling healthy. For those who are feeling sick, DO NOT go outside. Consider these grocery delivery services:

Monoprix

Amazon Prime Now with Naturalia, Monoprix, and Casino 

La Belle Vie (1 hour delivery and omg check out their Asian stuff!!!)

Frichti Super Marché (good meats and cheeses, more affordable than you would think)

Epicery (I have yet to use this service but great for those who are looking for specific things, like a roast chicken or stuff from an Italian epicure)

4. BREAD DELIVERY 

As soon as my chiffon pink Le Creuset dutch oven arrives, it’s gonna be fresh bread (no knead but also gonna try sourdough) but Circus Bakery has Flyin Circus. You can do same day afternoon delivery or preorder for the next day for those in “Paris Center.” In addition to most of their bread, they have their famous buns as bigger ribbons for 12EUR! 

5. DIRECT FROM PRODUCERS 

The amazing humans over Collège Culinare de France (an association that celebrates and promotes French cuisine, made up of artisans / producers and chefs / restaurants) have created a map that shows all their producers / artisans/ restaurants that are still open for pick up and deliveries. To order food online, from some of the best meat in France to cheese to  fresh  produce, check out the link here. I am looking forward to ordering some steaks! 

PRO TIP: Also check out their Instagram stories as they continually share amazing producers who have some lockdown DEALS. 

6. FRESH PRODUCE IN PARIS

I’ve never shopped here but this BELOVED maraîcher from Marché d'Aligre has set up a delivery system for his products. All details below:

<< Bonjour. Contenu des événements récents, nous vous proposons un SERVICE DE LIVRAISON À DOMICILE de Fruits et Légumes, Fruits Éxotiques et Volailles.

Vous nous avez laisser vos coordonnées sur notre stand « Gautier, Producteur » du marché d'Aligre. N’hésitez pas à communiquer ce mail à votre entourage. Nous livrons Paris et la petite couronne.

Tarif des livraisons : Paris rive Gauche 5 euros Paris rive Droite 8 euros Petite couronne 10 euros

En pièce jointe, le document « MERCURIALE PRODUIT » à remplir absolument. Veuillez remplir la totalité des informations afin de faciliter la logistique et notre travail.

Je reste à votre entière disposition pour plus d’information. N’hésitez pas à me contacter avec les coordonnées ci-dessous.

Dorian Gautier, Gérant Producteur de Fruits et Légumes de saison - BIO LA POMME DE PARIS Le tuffeau 72500 LA BRUERE SUR LOIR Tel : 0776340774 >>

I’ve uploaded their price list and delivery form here.

Lastly, if you’re having a difficult time coming up with ideas on how to eat under lockdown, feel free to contact me (eileenc92@gmail.com). I can help brainstorm ideas and would be more than happy to write out recipes using what you have for you. Konbini Food also has been sharing simple recipe tutorials using pantry staples since the beginning of the lockdown.

Stay safe and stay home, my friends!