#men i wanna sex you so good you say blah blah blah

[rorsry]

sometimes i still think about (when i id'd as a gay man and) how bad my internalized homophobia was. i didn't even realize until i forced myself to work on it. i used to feel disgusting for calling guys hot bevause it felt. Bad. like i wasn't allowed to think men were sexually attractive to me least i be a sex hungry monster. that shits crazy

[osaemu]

JJK MEN: BABY, CAN YOU CALL ME BACK?

✩ ‧ ˚. [ GOJO, TOJI, GETO ] your boyfriend's gone for work, and you gotta convince him to come back home over the phone... NSFW

contents: fem!reader. phone sex, voice kink, video taking, dick pics, blah blah blah. you can probably guess the rest. not proofread + mostly written while i was half-asleep. 2.3k words.

★ ━ SATORU GOJO

“baby, i miss you,” satoru mumbles, voice soft and sleepy from the other end of the phone. you hear the sound of sheets rustling against his phone’s microphone as he rolls over, groaning softly. “i can’t wait to come home to you.”

you plop down on your bed and turn your phone on speaker as you rest your back against the headboard, stifling a yawn before you reply. “me too… it’s so lonely without you here.”

“i know,” satoru says, and even though it’s not a video call, you’re absolutely certain he’s grinning like the cocky idiot he is. “tell me ‘bout your day, sweetheart. wanna know what you’ve been doing without me.”

you roll your eyes and smile, checking your nails as you reply. “nothing much, it’s kinda boring without you here.”

“tell me more,” satoru murmurs, and he thinks that he’s so lucky you two aren’t on a facetime call, because his hand is slipping down to the waistband of his pants and he’s tugging them off, releasing his already-hardened dick. “i wanna know everything.”

you don’t think much of the way satoru’s breathing has gotten noticeably choppier as you ramble about the little things that’ve happened in your day so far—after all, how could you know that he’s stroking himself to the sound of your voice?

“so, yeah, that’s basically everything,” you finish, exhaling softly. the moment you stop talking, you hear the soft groans that satoru’s been fighting to hide the whole time, and suddenly, it clicks. “wait, satoru, have you been fucking yourself the whole ti—”

“maybe,” your boyfriend replies instantly, pausing and taking a long, unsteady breath before he continues, “wanna join me?” you don’t reply immediately, but soon, his voice turns pleading. “c’mon, baby, missin’ you so much… lemme hear you, sweet girl. help your boyfriend out, pleeea—” 

“okay, okay,” you give in, reaching down and tugging off your shorts. a second later, your panties are discarded as well, and your fingers start to circle your clit at the sound of satoru’s voice.

“mm, you touching yourself, baby?” satoru breathes, hand still wrapped around his dick. you hum in agreement, and the hand holding your phone grows tighter the faster your circles get. satoru clicks his tongue after a couple seconds, and adds, “don’t hold back, i wanna hear you.”

“okay,” you mumble, missing his familiar touch now more than ever. “i miss you so much, ‘toru,” you whisper, voice already a little shaky from your own fingers. but it still isn’t enough to push you over the edge—you both know that only satoru has the skill to do that.

“i know you do,” satoru teases, an amused lilt in his voice. “bet those pretty hands of yours couldn’t make ya cum half as fast as i could, yeah?”

he’s right, but it doesn’t stop you from trying—god, you wish your boyfriend were here and inside of you, but for now, his voice is all that you have. “baby, these past couple days, all i could—fuck, all i could think about was that pretty pussy of yours,” satoru chokes out, hand moving up and down the length of his dick faster. “so tight f’me, all just for me,” he mumbles, throwing his head back and gritting his teeth.

“s-satoru, i need you,” you mewl out, legs starting to tremble just at the thought of him. “need your dick inside of me, plea—”

“can’t do that, princess,” satoru sighs, groaning at the sound of your desperate request. “wish i could, though.. but we gotta wait for a couple days, fuck.”

you stop rubbing your clit and instead slip two fingers inside your cunt, wrist shaking at you pump your fingers up and down at his request. “s’ not as good as you, ‘toru,” you whine, hips unconsciously rocking against your hand. “come home soon, please, can’t wait for that long—”

satoru laughs breathily and moans shamelessly into his phone, mumbling something about work or a mission or something—but you don’t really catch the details, too occupied with fucking yourself to the thought of your boyfriend. “so impatient, aren’t ya?” satoru exhales, thrusting into his own fist and fantasizing about your warm, tight cunt instead. “fuck, baby, miss you and your cunt so fuckin’ bad—”

“then come home, ‘toru,” you plead, hardly able to choke out your words coherently. “please, satoru, i need you here—”

your boyfriend cuts you off with a series of porn-worthy groans, mixing in your name wherever he can as he cums into his hand. it’s not satisfying, and it doesn’t feel half as good as it would if he were fucking your pussy instead. so, after a couple seconds, he mumbles, “whatever you say, princess, i’ll be there by tomorrow.” 

★ ━ TOJI FUSHIGURO

“you’re an asshole,” you mutter into your phone. toji only scoffs in reply, a disbelieving edge to his voice. “toji, listen to me—”

“i’m listenin’, princess,” toji grumbles. “yeah, i know i said i’d be home by tonight, but somethin’ came up. s’ not my fault i’m surrounded by idiots.” and he makes no effort of hiding his disdain at your stubbornness—some things were just out of his control, including how long it took for most of his missions to get completed.

“don’t call me that,” you snap, climbing into your bed and pulling a pillow onto your lap. toji sighs, and it’s a long, lengthy exhale that surely has to be exaggerated. “fuck you, toji, you promised you’d be home by tonight.” 

your boyfriend laughs incredulously into his phone, chortling for a good twenty seconds before he replies, “i don’t remember promising anything, n’ what do ya need me home for anyways? what’s so fuckin’ important, huh?”

well, there’s no way you’re telling him the real reason you want him home so badly—he’d just laugh at you and your desperation for him. but honestly, after going for more than a week without his dick, you’re really fucking close to telling him that. instead, you reply, “maybe i just miss my boyfriend.”

“more like you just want dick, don’t ya, pretty?”

toji sees right through your pitiful lies—he always does. you don’t respond for a long while, and your boyfriend fills up the silence by laughing again. “shoulda just said so. i missed fuckin’ that tight cunt of yours too, idiot.”

“so will you come home now?”

“mm, you gotta convince me.”

“how?” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. 

“show me jus’ how much you miss me, and maybe i’ll consider comin’ back early if you can prove it to me,” toji says, and you can hear the smile in his voice as your screen lights up with a request to facetime. 

you accept, and a second later, your boyfriend’s face fills up your screen. his dark eyes are squinted from the sudden light, but the corners of his lips curl upwards when he sees you. “hey, princess.”

“hey, asshole.”

“you want to get fucked tomorrow night or not?” he drawls, a lazy smile playing on his face when that shuts you up. “now c’mon, let’s see that pussy. open wide f’me.”

you mutter something about him being the worst boyfriend ever before you tug down the waistband of your panties, exposing your neglected, puffy cunt. your clothes are quickly discarded somewhere, allowing you to angle your phone downwards and show toji what he’s missing.

“oh, fuckin’ hell,” toji mutters, navy eyes fixed on your cunt as you slip two fingers inside and start pumping them in and out of your hole. the dim lighting of your room bounces off the slick already coating your cunt, making it look wetter than ever to toji—and you can practically see the longing in his eyes as he watches you fuck yourself.

“please, toji,” you mumble, spreading your legs even wider to show off your pussy to him. “miss you so much, please—fuck, please come home,” you plead, doing your best to put on a show for him. at this point, you’re so touch starved that you’d do anything to get him back—anything to satisfy you, since your own fingers can’t even give you half the pleasure toji can.

“so desperate, aren’t ya?” toji tuts, eying you with interest. “tch, pathetic…”

you whine in response to his words, hips rolling against your own hand as you futilely try to convince your head that it’s a dick in between your legs and not your own fingers. “fuck, toji, i’ll do anythin—”

“anything?” he instantly cuts you off, cocking an eyebrow as if he’s intrigued. you nod desperately, almost willing to do anything and everything for him if it meant he could fill up the empty spot in between your thighs. “you promise?”

“y-yeah, anything,” you whimper, throwing your head back as your hand starts to grow sore. 

toji hums in approval, and a moment later, he replies, “alright then. i’ll head back tomorrow mornin’, but you’re getting fucked for the whole night after. n’ i don’t wanna hear any of that ‘toji, it’s too much!’ bullshit, m’kay?” he snaps, mimicking your voice by raising his pitch two octaves. 

“okay, i promise,” you choke out, and the second the words leave your lips, toji hangs up.

asshole.

★ ━ SUGURU GETO

“suguru, i miss you,” you mumble into your phone, burying your face into the blankets wrapped around your shoulders. usually, it’s rare for you to feel cold within your bedroom—suguru’s presence seems to make everything warmer. but right now, he’s not here, and even your own room feels barren without his comforting aura. “it’s so empty here without you…” 

“is it, now?” suguru replies coyly from the other end of the call. he’s at some sort of meeting right now, but apparently, he’s on his break—which is good, because you imagine that it might be a little embarrassing for him to take this call if he were in the middle of the meeting. “i miss you too, baby. you and that pretty pussy of yours, heh.”

“sugu—”

your boyfriend interrupts you with a soft, teasing laugh, lowering his voice when he adds, “do you want to know what i’d do to you if i was with you right now?”

you swallow back the “yes” you so desperately want to say, instead whispering, “aren’t you in public?”

“nah, i’m in the bathroom right now,” suguru clarifies. “now c’mon, answer the question.”

“...yeah,” you admit. it’s been over a week since you last had any sort of sexual contact with suguru—you’ll take what you can get.

your boyfriend laughs again, sultry voice pouring out your phone’s speakers and straight into your throbbing cunt when he starts describing—in great detail—the things he would do to you if he was on top of you right now.

“...and then, i would flip you over and fuck you face-down ass-up for hours,” suguru adds casually, enjoying the sounds of your muffled moans—you’re trying so hard to hide them, but little do you know that it’s only too obvious to suguru. 

two of your fingers are circling your clit as suguru speaks, and your own hand is clasped over your mouth as you struggle to hide the effects of suguru’s voice on you—and he just keeps talking.

“yeah, and when i finally let you cum all over my dick, i’d just keep going,” suguru cooes, tempted to pull down his pants and take care of his own boner right then and there. but unlike you, your boyfriend has some ounce of resilience, and as he checks the time on his phone, he realizes that he has to get back to his meeting soon anyways.

“suguru—” you moan, unable to stifle your little whimpers any longer. “wan’ you so bad, please—”

“silly girl, what do you mean, you want me so bad?” suguru says amusedly. “i’m already yours, aren’t i?”

“you know what i mean,” you huff, rocking your hips against your fingers in an attempt to force yourself to cum. but unfortunately, ever since you started fucking with suguru, your own fingers aren’t good enough—even if you could hypothetically make yourself orgasm, it wouldn’t give you even a fraction of the pleasure your boyfriend could. “please, sugu, i wanna see you.”

and just like that, any remaining self-restraint suguru has snaps—the sound of you begging is enough to make him do anything in the world.

suguru hastily unzips his pants, releasing his dripping dick. he runs his thumb over the leaking tip, smearing the pre-cum all over its head. “fuck, baby, i’m at work right now,” he mutters into his phone, rolling his eyes affectionately when he hears you giggle. “one pic. then i’m going back to my meeting.”

“m’kay!” you agree, pulling the phone away from your ear and turning it on speaker as you eagerly wait for the pictures to send.

suguru holds up his phone and snaps a picture of his dick resting in his palm, stroking it with that hand and sending you the image with the other. “alright, sweetheart, gotta get back to work,” suguru sighs, unable to get his boner to settle down—he figures the only way it’ll happen is if he ends the call, which he really needs to do.

“aw, do you have to?”

“yeah, sorry ‘bout that,” he mutters, removing the phone from his ear to end the call.

“wait, what’re you sending me—oh, fuck, you’re the worst,” suguru groans when he clicks the notification and sees a video of what you’re doing to yourself right now—it’s a five second video of you pumping your fingers in and out of your puffy cunt to his voice, and there goes his resolve to stay at work.

“i fuckin’ hate you, baby… see you in a couple hours.”

[imhereforscm]

I wanna get this out there and out of my chest, because frantically? I don't like the MC of SCM

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to offend anyone who likes the MC or to "mAkE yOu sEe ThE cOrREcT tHinG". I'm simply sharing my opinion without trying to target anyone!

This topic about MCs was originally brought up by @the-voltage-diaries

I'm gonna keep count of my points so they can make sense- :"D

1. She can be really offensive

I believe MC doesn't know how to read the room first of all and this also goes hand in hand with what I said about MC being "blind" in what's happening around her. For example, she thinks all things can be fixed in life. Now don't get me wrong! Trying and having hope about something can be really wonderful, but there's a finishing line in this. For example: You don't pass your exams the first time. You can keep trying until you do and get the future of your dreams. That's the positive way of where not giving up is good. But looking at it from a negative perspective, let's say you realize your partner is abusive (in any sense). If you keep trying, because "I cAn fIx tHem" is bad. If someone abuses you, it's time to give up in this relationship.

An example of this where the MC encouraged something she shouldn't, is in Scorpio's "musings on love" *spoilers* Basically at some point in the story, Scorpio saves small girl abused by her parents during a punishments job and the parents are arrested by the police. And there goes the MC.......... "I wish one day the little girl can return to her mother"...... MC-..... THIS WOMAN ABUSED HER. And you're wishing for them to get back together?!? I don't think a person like that should be trusted near a child EVER again! She could've wished for the kid to find a new, REAL family or happiness in general, but instead she said this.

Another example is in Teorus' sequel. It happens in the free sample episode of this story. Teorus' father neglected him from a terribly young age and basically stigmatized Teorus emotionally. Now what Teorus finds the worst is being compared to that man, who he doesn't even refer to as his father, because he hates him so much. And what does the MC do?.......... Compare him to his father. And let's say she didn't know Teorus felt uncomfortable with that. I think it became really obvious when Teorus' mood instantly dropped and his whole demeanor basically changed, because that hurt him!! And yet she didn't stop.

Now this might be only me, but that's still my opinion. In Karno's epilogue. (The story where they had sex for the first time basically. I think it's the epilogue.) MC thinks Karno doesn't find her appealing enough and that's why he hasn't had sex with her yet and basically, MC is trying to get him to see her as a woman by dressing differently or wearing a perfume Partheno gave her to ensure he'll be infatuated with her and stuff like that. At first I didn't mind it. She was putting out there the fact that she's ready. But then was when I grew to dislike her actions. She saw Karno didn't make a move and she kept pushing. Karno is not an innocent little flower, he knows when someone is trying to insinuate a sexy time and the fact that he doesn't give in might mean that he's not ready for it. That wasn't the case in his epilogue, but it could've been and by that I mean: Men are not always down for sex. I hate this trope that a man is always ready to move into sex and only women need time. Karno could've not been ready to do that yet and she kept pushing! I would've liked it if she simply let him know she's ready and patiently wait for him to come out and say he's ready too.

2. The writers say she's strong, feisty and independent, but they don't SHOW it.

An example I'm gonna present is in Leon's epilogue. The part I want to mention is when she arrives at the mansion and Teorus with Ichthys pull a prank on her like- "You and Leon kissed and made out and blah blah, why don't you spend time like that with us too???" And all MC did was STAND THERE and BEG LEON TO SAVE HER. Like- if you try and see you can't make it out, sure, ask for help, it's not a shame, but she didn't even try!! She just stood there and took everything they were throwing her way. She never once tried to say "stop, you're making me uncomfortable" or something like that.

Or many times when she can do something herself, but instead just waits on her god to save her.

MC needs to realize that dating someone doesn't mean you're not your own individual person anymore. Of course, if you need help, it's not a shame to ask for help. And it shouldn't have anything to do with genders. It should be a being helping another being through a hard time. Not "a MaN hElpInG a wOmAn bEcAuSe hE caN Do iT bEtTeR". I want the MC for once to stand up and say: "You have no right to disrespect me!" "You have no right to overstep my boundaries!" I want her to show herself some respect and fight for her rights, without waiting on Knights In Shining Armours™

3. I don't like her dynamics with the gods

One example is what I mentioned about Karno above.

Another one is something that gets on my nerves so SO much. It's whenever Scorpio does something nice for her and she laughs in his face. Everyone familiar with SCM knows that Scorpio is really shy and it's not easy for him to voice his love for her, but he tries hard, he really does. So when he tries and does something for her, it makes my blood boil how she makes fun of him like- "omG yOu ARe dOinG SomEthInG nIcE?? haHaHaAAhH!" Like- this man is trusting you with a part of himself he hasn't shown anyone else and you laugh in his face?! I want her to just freaking appreciate him and build a welcoming space for him to slowly step out of his shell more and more at his own pace. I see her doing that and every time Scorpio shuts down again, because she proves Scorpio's fears. That he'll be made fun of for his feelings. (I'm not saying teasing him and making him blush is bad during playful moments. I'm talking about times where the mood is serious and he feels ready to open up to her and what he receives is so rude of her.)

She dates someone and them goes around complaining about them. Like- if they're not what you want, why are you with them??? Don't try to change them! That's toxic! I'm not talking about times where a love interest has a flaw and it needs to be fixed. In those cases, she has every right to call them out. I'm talking about her complaining about a character's whole personality!! Like- She complained that Leon was not lovely dovey enough. That's not the way Leon expresses his love, but he has other ways and the MC technically pressured him into going into an amusement park where she was basically having fun all on her own!! She could've still asked to go on a date with him, at least to give it a try and see if he actually likes it or dislikes it, but for goodness' sake. She could've picked something Leon had chances of enjoying as well and not just go about what's more popular. Like- just because some couples do it, doesn't mean it's enjoyable for all couples. Like- some couples prefer fancy dinners, some amusement parks, some a simple walk around the park AND I'M MAD SHE DIDN'T SPARE A SINGLE SECOND TO ACTUALLY LEARN SOMETHING MORE ABOUT HIM AND PICK SOMETHING BOTH OF THEM COULD'VE HAD ENJOYED.

She also disrespected Hue's boundaries, when he said: "don't go around asking people for my personal information. Let me show them to you on my own." AND SHE DID THE VERY THING HE TOLD HER NOT TO. Hue was not hiding anything. He just wanted to take things slow and get to know each other on a deep, TRUE lever. And MC started rushing, disregarding his wants completely. Which once again proves my previous point of: men are not inherently ready to move quickly into things. They too need time.

Also..... In every... Story... With Huedhaut...... Dear MC, maybe you should start putting trust in your boyfriend, because he has proven to you so many times (and not with actions of bare minimum) that he adores you and he'd never betray you. If the MC had something bad happen to her and now she's scared of abandonment or something like that, I would've understood. I would COMPLETELY understand. But THIS MC is written with the perfect life and nothing burdens her, so she's just being delusional. Which is a perfect cue for my next point:

4. She's terribly unrealistic

She's written as perfect, with the perfect background, with the perfect life, perfect personality AND THAT'S REALLY UNREALISTIC!

Unfortunately, bad moments are a part of life, so instead of making those moments feel like failures and worthy of costing you a happy future, media should start showing MCs who yes. They have been through thick and thin. And yes. They have felt really hopeless. But yes! They're still getting their happy future, because nothing can take that away from you. The only problem MC seems to have is about her relationship with her god. Which again, makes the MC appear like she doesn't exist outside the relationship, like she's not her own person.

Sometimes families can be toxic, we might find out a friend is toxic and loose them. We might loose our job, face mental or physical health complications and by not giving the MC any of it and labeling her as perfect makes me think they lebel people who have faced difficulties as less than perfect. AND THAT'S NOT TRUE! NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE FACED, THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING WONDERFUL WAITING FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE UP, BECAUSE YOU MATTER AND THERE'S ALWAYS A PLACE FOR YOU AMONG US.

Also, they say she has the "perfect personality" (even though they actually write her to be the opposite), which again: is so unrealistic!! No one is perfect, but that doesn't mean they're not worthy of beautiful things in life. You can't always be fair and selfless. Sometimes you'll face dark moments and you'll act selflessly, maybe you'll even snap at people during your anger. Human nature is so complicated, nothing is black or white. We have many shades. Humans make mistakes, but what matters is doing our best to pick ourselves up again and make up for them, like apologize to someone we might have wronged or snapped at.

Also, you can't be liked by everyone. Some people will dislike you, but that doesn't mean there's inherently something wrong with you. That's how humans work. Not everyone is made for everyone. (But we still have someone who will love us unconditionally.)

So i wish they didn't try so hard to portray a flawless MC. I want them to gives her flaws and watch her try and atone for them. I want to see her face difficulties and survive her way though them, because that will give the readers hope that, "I can do it." "I will make it." "My past doesn't define me." The future is in my hands and no one can strip me of my happiness, because I deserve to be happy too!"

5. ...........

MC once said.... "Uum... Men don't usually use make up, but..." After Scorpio asked about some of her make up, because he wanted to see if she likes it and if he should get her some as a present. And all I want to say is: FUCK GENDERS. If you wanna wear make up. Do it. If you wanna wear a dress. Do it. If you wanna wear a suit. Do it. Heels? Go on, hell yes! What I like to say is.... Look at an object. A dress for instance. Does it have a clit? A dick? No? Then nothing labels it as "mAsCuliNe" or "FeMiNinE"! If you wanna do something, do it! No one has a SINGLE. FUCKING. RIGHT. To prevent you from doing it by using your gender as a reasoning. Sexes are there to help us medically. Ex: Male sex can be cured this way, a female sex can be cured this way. They are not meant to label us!

Oooof that was long. I'm sorry!!! And I hope I didn't offend anyone with this, I love you all💕💕💕💕 also, yes, @the-voltage-diaries I read the tags💖 and yes. I'd love some book recs if you have any😚

[dontbipanicjonsa]

Did Kit suddenly lose his ability to heart-eye or is Pol!Jon actually a thing.

I'm late to the fandom but I just finished S7 and I'm having thoughts.

I'm a reader of the books, and I hadn't watched the show till now because... I suck at watching shows with hour long episodes and more than three seasons.

What made me decide to watch it was the Pol!Jon discourse I found on the Internet.

I know enough about the show to understand how unlikely and out of character this theory would seem to show watchers. At the same time, I fully believe that book!Jon would be fully capable of something like this. But also, even though I do ship Jonsa in the books, I can't deny that Jonerys is.....a big deal. Everyone expects it to happen. It's a highly anticipated pairing and....I just couldn't honestly believe Pol!Jon because it is just so against the general expectation.

So I decided to watch the show. And now I've finished season 7 and I am astounded.

Let me preface this by saying that I went into S7 already disliking Jonerys (sue me) but I still fully expected to have some serious doubts about the validity of Jonsa. I fully expected to be at least somewhat convinced of Jonerys. Even hating the idea of Jon and Danaerys together, I still expected more.

There are a number of things I would like to note here.

First, Jonerys is a romance that is told, not shown. Davos talks about Jon watching Dany's "good heart" (hehe) to tell us Jon is attracted to Dany. But then Jon immediately dismisses it- and not in a way that looks like he's deflecting. He's not only dismissing it, he's dismissive of it. His mind is not in the conversation, it is beyond the Wall.

Similarly, Tyrion says (not in those words), "yeah right, and Jon only looks at you longingly coz he wants a military alliance with you". Not sure what I'm supposed to think about that....? First, Jon doesn't look at Dany longingly at all???? Not once. Second, is this line supposed to suggest that Jon is looking at her longingly for a reason that is not desperately wanting a military alliance....? Because we already know that that's exactly what he does want. Wtf do I make of this statement?????

There are other examples, but the point remains. People keep talking about Jon and Dany being into each other, and that is what is supposed to convince us that they are into each other (well yea Dany is) but Jon gives no indication of looking at her longingly, of falling in love with her, of being intrigued by her even. He's a brick wall.

Alright, I'll concede one (1) scene where I saw legitimate attraction on his face for a second- that is the cave scene. Even there tho, it's hard to tell if he's just watching her reaction carefully or if he wants to bang her.

On the other hand, Dany shows that she is into him. Even so, when I say she's into him, I mean she's attracted to him and intrigued by him. I cannot believe she loves him.

Next, I think it's interesting that in the episode before (or was it the same episode?) Jon bends the knee, we have a number of people (Tormund, Beric) talk about stuff like- kings not bending the knee leading to people dying, knowing what's important (the fight against the dead), being the shield that guards the realm of men blah blah I don't remember the exact words. Then he sees the WW and the Army of the Dead (again) and sees a dragon die. And then, the first opportunity he gets, he bends the knee. I want to point out here that the scenes really emphasise on Jon's thinking face after every conversation he has during their little gay party beyond the Wall. They focus on the look on his face again while he's watching the Army. Multiple times. And there's clearly something going on in his head, gears are turning.

One other scene that struck me is the scene where Jon and Dany are saying goodbye to each other (the Eastwatch episode). In the same episode (if I remember correctly) Jon calls them strangers, and then the goodbye scene comes and Dany says to Jon's little morbid joke, "I've grown used to him". Him being Jon. Two things to note here-

One, Jon considers them strangers but Dany has gotten "used to him". Maybe it's nothing, or maybe it's an indication of how the two of them are absolutely not on the same page (about anything).

Second, Jon's face after she says that. It shuts down. Like a door slamming. And then he says that "wish you good fortune in the wars to come" line, which has ZERO romance, or longing, but a whole lot of bad precedent (does that make sense?). Ouch. The thought that occured to me here is that Dany is being somewhat obvious about her feelings, and maybe, just maybe Jon has picked up on it. And that is why he reacts the way he does.

I wasn't sure so I compared the scene with the Jonsa forehead kiss scene in S6, and Jon's expressions after that kiss.

My logic was this- I assume that either Jon has become aware of Dany's feelings in the Eastwatch goodbye scene, or his own feelings for her. One of these assumptions is true. Which one?

If Jon has feelings for Sansa, then his confusion/awareness/discomfort regarding that are seen in that forehead kiss scene. So if Jon has become aware of his feelings for Dany, let's see how these two scenes compare?

My dudes. There is no comparison. Go watch it.

I watched both scenes with sound off, and the difference is insane. Jon looks at Sansa's lips. There's a moment's pause that's full of tension, and then his face shuts in a way, but it's a bit confused, a bit thoughtful.

Jon does not look at Dany's lips. He does not look confused, or thoughtful. This is not a romance.

Side observation- speaking of showing and telling, it's funny how we're shown Jon looking at Sansa's wolf bits, and told that Jon looks at Dany's good heart. Yes I'm talking about boobs but wolf bits and good heart is funnier. We literally see Jon look at the wolf bits twice, talk about it himself, in a completely unnecessary conversation...as opposed to being entirely dismissive of the good heart, even when someone else brings it up.

Back to the main point, one last thing I'd like to talk about is the scene where Jon actually bends the knee (not really). First, there are still no heart-eyes. Definitely not from Jon. Second, it's funny how Jon uses the exact hand-grabbing move that Sansa used on him last season, when she was trying to convince him to do something he didn't particularly wanna do (like he's now trying to do with Dany). This means that

1) he learnt that move from Sansa. He knows how effective it is XD

2) if the Jonerys hand-grab is romance, it stands to reason that the Jonsa hand-grab is romance too. I mean both the grabs are suspiciously similar.

Then, even after Dany "promises" that she'll help the North fight the WW, Jon still bends the knee. I felt both an odd sense of urgency coming from him, and an understandable hesitation. Or maybe that's just me.

Now suddenly, he becomes complimentary of her. But there's something weird about his compliments. They are completely generic. "They'll see you for what you are" and in the later episode, "you're not like the others". Wtf does that MEAN ??

Here's the thing...Jon could have paid Dany a way more specific, genuine sounding compliment after bending the knee (complete with heart eyes). I mean she did just fly over the Wall to rescue him and his men. He could have said more, something meaningful, but he didn't. He bent the knee like a house on fire (that doesn't make sense but you get what I mean I hope) and paid generic compliments. Then he pretended to sleep until she left and then sighed very loudly.

??? Romance??? WHERE????

Then the dragon pit. Heart-eyes still missing.

Then the sex scene. What do I say? Lol.

No really. There are no heart eyes even during the sex scene. Honestly, idk what that face was. Not in love for sure.

Another side note- Arya and Sansa have talks while standing in the same place where the forehead kiss scene happened (wtf do you call that place again, the bridge.??) But no heart eyes. No lingering looks. There is no incestuous gay love between them, I can say for sure. All it does is prop up the odd incestuous vibes of the Jon Sansa scene in that same place.

ANOTHER side note- goddamn but does Sansa talk about Jon a lot.

Edit: I'm sure most of this stuff has already been discussed in other metas. My purpose here is only to put down my first thoughts after watching the season.

[writingoneshots]

Hello :D I really liked your last story with Law and the other with Killer!! I would also like to request something and if you don't wanna write it that's fine too. Idc about the scenario in general but how about Kid and reader fighting about almost everything daily and Kid gets pissed off and breaks up with reader. Then he finds out that she's pregnant and suddenly feels bad. You decide if they get back together or not :D

Hormones

Hi :) ! I had way too many ideas with this, which is why I randomly decided to just let my brain write what comes to its mind first. This is the result. I really hope you like it! Also.. I got a little carried away. Let me know if you don't like it, I can re-write it any time (for example: if you want a bad ending).

Ps: I tend to use names from my personal FF's because it's sometimes too strenuous to write 'Killer's girlfriend' or 'xy's partner'.. might happen in future stories as well but I will always announce it in the description first!

Have a nice day!

- Kid x reader (I also added 'Bella', who is Killer's girlfriend - I needed a name, sorry) - 2,492 words - drama, fighting, swearing, lots of thinking, SFW

The nights were almost as painful as the rest of the day lately. Kid couldn't stand not talking to you and for more than two weeks, you two have been barely speaking. The only sort of communication you two have is screaming and make-up sex, followed by another fight in the morning after. Kid loved you with his whole existence but he just couldn't take it any longer. If there was nothing fixing it tomorrow, then he would have to end it since even his crew has been in constant fear of getting killed by their own captain because he has been in a bad mood since your first fight. In the next morning, you took a quick shower and put on some clothes for breakfast. You tried your best not to think of Kid, even though you didn't know why. When you arrived at the restaurant, where the crew had been meeting up in the last couple of days, the ship's doctor patted at the empty seat next to him to offer you a seat.

He immediately used that chance and handed you some fresh fruits, "(Y/N) we really need to talk about your blood results from last week." "I know it's bad. I barely had any sleep in the last few weeks and I also have constant pain in my stomach.. could be because your captain is pissing me off lately. Stress and blah blah..", you rolled your eyes and grabbed the food before he could continue talking. "Oh, I see. This is my fault now too?", Kid came out of the bathroom and dried his hands on his little towel, which he carried around tied on his belt. You looked at him startled and didn't expect him to be here already. With a soft headshake, you just began eating the fruits, which the doctor handed you and sighed a bit. The table was quiet when Kid sat down, which was unusual. Kid ate his breakfast slowly, trying to figure out what to do or say. He looked at you, watched you eating silently and got lost in his thoughts. Should I give her a compliment? She looks good today.. But she doesn't deserve it. She didn't even want to have sex yesterday. Not even cuddling or making out.. Bitch. But if I don't say anything, she'll be mad as well. I really don't want her to leave. Fuck. Stupid woman. Suddenly a burst of loud laughter appeared from a table nearby and Kid couldn't help but take a look. A group of women was laughing about something funny that a guy has said, who was sitting with them. They were all having a good time. Kid was jealous. His table was usually the loudest one and now nobody was speaking at all. Again. His eyes wandered to the woman, who had a similar outfit as you when you once roleplayed in bed. This whole night suddenly played like a recording in his head and he couldn't help but spark a little interest again. You realized that Kid had stopped eating and when you looked at him, you realized that he was completely lost into something. Following his gaze, you didn't need too long to figure out what it was. Another woman. Kid was never interested in anyone else but you and didn't even dare to stare at someone else. But this was more than just staring. He was longing for her. "Why don't you just go and ask her to spend the night with you?", you looked at him angrily and pushed your plate aside. Kid frowned at that statement and looked confused at you. "What?" "So now you're also staring at other women? Why are you even with me? Always fighting with me, not having sex with me, staring at other women, and just being a complete idiot!", you tried to hide the tears in your eyes but it was all just too much for you. His eyes widened. He was really about to lose his mind and he had no idea how he managed to control his inner self from not exploding. "Are you fucking kidding me?", he whispered and his knuckles turned white as snow because of how hard he made a fist. "I have no fucking clue, why you're fucking mad at me. So you better shut the fuck up, before I do something that I will regret." "Oh really? And what would that be?", you crossed your arms at your chest and leaned back into the chair. "(Y/N), I am asking you now for the last fucking time. Shut. The Fuck. Up.", Kid looked down at his plate and closed his eyes right after. The metal around him began to vibrate and you raised an eyebrow at this reaction. "Guys.. please.. I can help with-" The doctor didn't have a chance to explain himself. "No, come on. Say it, Kid. What is going on in that mind of yours? Are you going to fight me again? Ignore me again? Hm?", you wiped your tears away and took a deep breath to prepare yourself for whatever he would say. "We're over." Silence. No one in this crew dared to say a word. Even Killer froze and hated himself for not interfering. You couldn't comprehend what he just said but your brain somehow understood. After taking a deep breath, you stood up without saying a word and left the restaurant. A few minutes have passed before the first one spoke up. Killer waited for the metal to stop vibrating and gave Kid a few more seconds to breathe. "You know what you just did, right?", he talked in a soft tone

and watched how Kid was slightly shaking. He could see the regret in his eyes but had no idea how to help him. "I couldn't stand this any longer.", was the only thing that Kid has said that day. He disappeared until the night has covered the skies and came back to the crew helping to carry a few things into a different cabin. Apparently, a few arrangements have been made while Kid was gone. His head was completely empty and he couldn't care less about what has happened during his absence. He just wanted to lay down and wasn't even sure if he wanted to be alone or not. Bella, Killer's girlfriend, carried your things into the girls' sleeping room where she had already spend her nights with Heat's girlfriend as well. Kid couldn't help but think of the good times when the ship only had men on board. Life was much simpler back then he would do anything to get back to it. Killer approached Kid slowly and eyed him carefully. "You seem.. calm?" Kid gave him a short side-eye and turned his attention back to the crew re-decorating his ship. "She's going to leave the ship on the next island.", Killer commented and took a deep breath. "Are you still sure about this? That you don't want to be with her?" He wasn't. But he also didn't know how to work this out. This was the first time in his life that Kid had no idea what to do. "C-captain.. I tried talking to (Y/N) but she keeps avoiding me. May I talk to you instead?", the doctor of the ship was holding some papers tight in his hands, dithering slightly. "You really think that now is a good time to talk?", Killer scratched his head and wasn't sure if this doctor was smart or stupid as hell. "Get out of my sight, man. I don't have time for bullshit right now.", Kid pushed the doctor away and walked right past him. The doctor couldn't take it any longer. "IF AT LEAST ONE OF YOU WOULD LISTEN TO ME, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!", he screamed out of his lungs. When he suddenly realized what he just did, he wanted to jump off the ship. The whole crew went silent and stopped in their current motion. Even Killer went a step back and someone in the background started praying. Kid turned around and made two large steps towards the doctor, grabbing him by his shirt and lifting him without any struggles. His eyes were glowing in anger and his muscles were tensed, focused not to kill him within two seconds. "You have only one sentence to save your life, asshole." "(Y/N) is pregnant!" The doctor spitted that out, faster than a gun's shot. Kid froze. His grip on the doctor's shirt loosened and he stood still like a statue. The doctor got pushed to the side and Killer asked him several times if he was sure about this. The doctor nodded and showed him the results. "The mood swings, the pain in her stomach, her sex drive and the morning sickness. The blood results are proof enough.", the doctor showed it to Killer but it was worthless because Killer didn't understand any of these things. Kid let his arm slowly down and turned around, facing the corridor to the cabins. She is pregnant.. That's why she was behaving like a bitch and hated the fact that I was existing. Pregnant.. Shit. I am going to be a father? I am going to have kids.. A Kid having kids.. I can already hear the jokes. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Why am I so shocked? I never used any condoms with that woman. It's my fault. But also hers. Just because I stopped asking her to swallow.. For fucks sake. Is that bad? Can't we get rid of that? I could just leave it on an island.. but then (Y/N) would kill me or even leave me to be with that child and- Wait.. no.. nonono.. she's not even mine.. she can't leave me because I- I- .. I broke up. "Killer.. I have never seen Kid like this.", Heat looked more sad than usual and didn't know what to say. "Is he broken?" "No, he's probably just trying to think. You know.. he's barely doing that, which is why he is in this situation right now.", Killer shrugged and didn't let Kid out of his sight. This stance always meant that Kid was battling his inner self and Killer knew that his best

friend could have a mental breakdown right afterwards, which usually ends up in a killing spree every time. But this time, Kid just shook his head and went straight to the ship's corridor. He pushed away other crew members and entered the women's cabin without knocking. Heat's girlfriend was unpacking your things, while you were in the bathroom throwing up. Kid took a deep breath and approached the bathroom, now knocking softly. "Give us a second!", Killers girlfriend screamed and opened the door right after. She shrieked at the sight of Kid, not expecting to see him here. "She's not feeling well, Kid.", Bella explained carefully and blocked the sight to you. "I know. Let me talk to her." "I don't think-" "It's alright..", you sighed and washed your face right after cleaning your mouth. Bella looked at you to make sure you're okay and nodded before leaving you two alone. Kid entered the bathroom and locked the door afterwards. He wasn't sure how to start this conversation but he couldn't stop looking at you. The thought of not being the one, to own you and actually being the reason why you're feeling sick, made him feel uneasy. "If it's about me being here then I-" "Shut up." You looked at him confused and didn't know what to do now. After drying your face with a towel, you watched Kid carefully as he approached you. "What are you doing?" "Stop talking.", he commanded and took a deep breath when he stopped right in front of you. His arms wrapped around you as well as his one metal arm allowed. But his flesh arm pulled you closer to him and kissed your head. "I am sorry for causing you pain. This is all my fault.. A little bit of yours too but mostly mine.", he whispered because he was more than just sure that Bella and Heat's girlfriend were listening on the other side of the door. "What has gotten into you? Are you drunk? You do remember that you broke up, right?", you frowned but didn't move away. Your cheek rested on his chest but you didn't hug him back. "(Y/N).. please forgive me. I was a dick. You can do anything to me.. hit me, scream at me, I don't care. Just please be mine again.", he mumbled against your skin, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. Tears were building up in your eyes and you hated yourself for it because you didn't know why you became such a crybaby. "Are you sure about that? I don't want you to hate me!" "I could never hate you.." "But something is going on with us and I don't want this.. I want it to be like before.", tears were running down your cheek and you tried to wipe them away but new ones were rolling down right after.

"It will be.. after our child is born.", he kissed your head once more and waited for your reaction. "Wait... what?", you froze and sniffed against his chest. When you looked up, your eyes met his' and you didn't talk for a few minutes. Then it hit you. It suddenly all made sense. "I.. I am pregnant..", you took a deep breath and couldn't believe it. There was nothing in this world that could have prepared you for this moment. But you and Kid are going to be parents. You two didn't have a bad relationship. You were just too emotional and Kid wasn't used to it, which is why you both started fighting all the time. You weren't quite sure if knowing this fact would change anything in the next few months but you felt better. "We are going to have a child..", tears were rolling down your cheeks again and your heart was beating fast because of how excited you were. "Yea.. I would celebrate this with a kiss but you just threw up.. Disgusting.", Kid shook his head and pulled you tight to him again, lifting you up softly. "Also, I won't change a single diaper. Telling you right away." "I will squeeze a giant baby out of your favorite part of me. You don't have a say in that.", you chuckled and shook your head.

"Did you just laugh? I haven't heard that in weeks. Sounds like make-up sex to me.", Kid smirked and let you down on the bathroom sink, already ripping off your clothes. "I guess Daddy has a new meaning for you now?", you teased him a little and had to laugh at how he suddenly cringed. "Add this to the forbidden words in the bedroom."

[kamil-a]

blood route ending thoughts. i say a lot here but general disclaimer that im not the king of literature analyzing etc.

-btw. i am going to be a little hater in this one. but because i always worry about this kind of thing so im sure im not the only one, a disclaimer: absolutely no hate to people who enjoyed the end of this arc i do not hate you at all. i have complaints with the material and the author decisions but not with you, a mystery person online

-there are 2 events before the end that i vaguely remember liking but they unfortunately got so overshadowed in my mind.

-i do remember a bit where alice is mentally like ‘please just kiss me so my mouth is too busy to talk about going home...’

-and also that she has a moment of ‘omg HOW upset do you think he’ll be if i go. like k*lling himself upset? i wonder...’ shes hysterical i love her

-she also vaguely alludes to she herself having had no real love for life before she got wonderland’d. girl.... :(

-which kind of adds to a concept ive been chewing on for the past few weeks, that if peter and nightmare had not interfered, alice would not have like... made it to 30. or at least would have attempted serious harm.

-things were going so so so good until they werent!

-in my opinion the entire route is centered around alice's enjoyment of and overcoming shame/fear around sex and her emotions about all that sort of thing. and even the ball scene is like, you know, the thesis statement of it, where he lies down in bed and goes “you have to do everything”- thats the ultimate control for her, right? everything that happens there happens because she wants it to, and she’s become a person whos confident enough to express that want.

and then very abruptly he FORCES her to marry him. 

-like he starts off very cute and desperate, like “what can i do to get you to stop wanting to leave... UHHHH EVEN THOUGH MARRAIGE SUCKS SO BAD AND I BELIEVE EVERY BAD THING ABOUT IT, LETS GET MARRIED”

-you know what, i do like this bit. it’s a reversal of the thing she learned from the man with his face- to blood, you CANT be swapped out for a better woman. he’s in love with YOU. 

-"im a feminist BUT i believe men need to provide for their households" . absolutely bizarre

-unfortunately, she turns him down and things then escalate - he starts threatening her in increasingly more really really really uncomfortable ways, before finally basically dragging her through the wedding ceremony. 

-theres a lot of kissing and sex and implied blah blah blah and it just feels so bad now, under the banner of ‘and she was dragged into it’

-it’s just such a disappointment and a reversal of all of the themes- how can this be a story about alice learning to let herself enjoy sex and love if it becomes forced on her at the very last moment?

-i still really like blood/alice and blood/alice/elliot as a ship, but i feel pretty upset about the writing decisions made. it just feels... out of character ? where is the man who freaked out and stopped everything because alice got depressed while they had sex and started tearing up. i want him back.

-IM PUTTING ANOTHER POINT ON THE "BLOOD IS BACKWARDS JULIUS CHART, because julialice ends with "a wedding would be annoying lets skip it and say we did"...they’re the same man, but backwards.

-he fact that their wedding was super expensive-gaudy but also very clearly really rushed and falling apart is funny as hell though. ideally i think they immediately get a legal divorce but then keep dating. theyre kissing at the divorce desk.

-i think the proposal needed a scene like the ending of higurahsi’s tsumihoroboshi, where they both escalate their fight against each other to such a silly point that they start having fun, and then they go “fuck it, lets get married” 

-like "I DONT WANNA MARRY YOU" and hes like "well FINE maybe i dont wanna marry YOU if youve got THAT attitude" and shes like “well you SHOULDNT cause i SUCK” and hes like “i can DEAL WITH THAT” and shes like “also i dont wanna be a CRIME GIRLBOSS so GO AWAY” and theyre like "FINE" "FINE" "FINE" "FINE" [we cut to a very shitty wedding they obviously both worked really hard on]

-or if there MUST be a weird sense of force at least let them start creating elaborate evil schemes where hes like “IM going to LOCK YOU IN JAIL AND ONLY LET YOU OUT FOR THE WEDDING” and shes like well “IM going to BREW A SPECIAL POISON AND PUT IT IN YOUR TEA AT THE WEDDING MEAL” until, again, theyre like “no this is silly i love you”

-oh man, do they not ever say i love you? lmao that’s just like them...

-in my fix it fic au they still get married but its better for example they bring the couch up with them to the chuppah (i only know how jewish weddings operate) and blood has to climb over the entire thing to walk the circles around her. seven times.

-right so this is extremely nitpicky haterism but i think its weird to have the text pointing out her wedding dress was all frilly and lolita fashion because shes said many times she dislikes the style but wears it to make her sister happy. shoots the themes in the foot again. how is she supposed to grow if she’s being forced into things she dislikes???

-for a while now ive been saying things about this game like “it’s a shame QR is so confined by romance tropes” or “it’s like if if they dont write a love interest doing something coercive to fill a minimum quota someone will shoot them”, and in blood route i was just saying like “maybe i was wrong, maybe i judged too harshly”- like, there are absolutely a few Yikes Moments sprinkled throughout, but generally the things that get *focused* on arent like that. but then.... man, maybe they *do* have a minimum quota to reach lol. 

it’s a shame that the romance genre is so entrenched in this feeling of needing a strong love interest to force love on someone, and this general feeling of force as love. as if, just as a Good Husband will provide for his wife even if it means he makes the decision of where they live (lol), a Good Husband will force his wife to enjoy him romantically and sexually... even if enjoyment has already been established all along. 

and like i do think theres something to be said for the use of force as a sort of camouflage, as ‘i cant admit to wanting you so let’s pretend’- i dont think that’s good or healthy, but i think it’s a feeling that exists more commonly than people think, and that it, whether you like it or not, is going to be written about because people feel it. we even get a little of this when alice is like, yknow, ‘kiss me so i cant think about going home’ in her head etc! but... well, it’s a difficult tightrope to walk, i guess, but i dont think the end of this story achieves it, and i also think that by now, the arc of the story shouldve taken her away from needing that. honk really doesn’t have much of a plot, so if its character’s stories can’t progress satisfyingly, it..... kinda has nothing else?! lol

it all ends up feeling something outside of any particular character, you know? like something in the world instead of in the people. it’s something you do Because It’s A Love Story, and for two characters who never wanted to be in a Love Story but fell in love anyway, it just makes me sad.

[trashexplorer]

BLCD Review: Shangri-La no Tori

Title: Shangri-la no Tori (シャングリラの鳥)

Release Date: 2020/10/28

Author/Artist: Zariya Ranmaru

Cast: 

Mastuda Kenichiro x Nakajima Yoshiki

Ichijou Kazuya

Ishiya Haruki

Tsuboi Tomohiro

Inoue Go

Kitayama Kyousuke

Haruka Jinya

Hidenori Takahashi

Okano Yuu

Tadokoro Hinata

Zenzai Tatsuya

Synopsis: With troubles hanging over his head, Apollo arrives on the island for a new job, at a brothel known as Shangri-La. What he didn’t know was the job description–to be a stud to get the prostitutes in the mood before servicing clients. And they’re men! Will he be able to handle it…?

Review Proper

Excuse me for one second—

Finally got that out my chest. 😌 

Anyway, Shangri-la is actually my least favorite Zariya work now (it was Coyote before). There’s not a lot to go on atm because things between Teo Phi and Apollo haven’t even begun to progress yet. Y’all should be tired of hearing me say this, but I’m trash for Zariya’s settings and sensuality. This, however, is the first work of theirs in a long while that’s more serious and realistic in tone. It does scream Saezuru a lot, but I’m not exactly mad at it. Again, it’s still the first volume, so we’ll have to see it through to judge it. I also do like how Zariya portrays prostitution in here in a more legal and consensual light which I think is very important and nouveau. Seldom can you see regulated and consensual prostitution in BL manga; and the respect the owner, birdies, studs, and clients have towards each other is commendable. Makes you wanna dip your toes into the world as well since they’re all safe and having fun. Rights for sex workers, y’all!

Moving onto the voice work, if you’ve read my October Releases post, you’d know that I was skeptical about the casting because even though I knew that Matsuda Kenichirou would be a perfect for stoic Apollo, I wasn’t so sure that Nakajima Yoshiki could pull off Phi. This is Marine Ent we’re talking about; the studio who cast the highly underwhelming Liquor and Cigarette. Doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to nothing but Nakajiki top roles for the past year. The last time I’ve heard him bottom was in Kurahashi Tomo’s Hello Morning Star which overall was as underwhelming as L&C despite Nakajiki delivering a good performance. Thankfully, however, Nakajiki blew all my worries away because after finishing this BLCD, I can confidently say that there could be nobody else who was more perfect for this role than him.  👏👏👏 The tone he used is definitely reminiscent of both his Atsuto and Akira-san, but unlike those two, his Phi was clearer and how do I describe it? buttery? And that’s exactly how I want my Phi to be. What was I even worrying about? He’s a fucking vers, so of course he’s going to be perfect for Phi! I’m certain that his Phi will be my favorite performance of his when volume two comes out. 

As for Matsuda Kenichirou— ohhh I didn’t want to say this, but it’s almost going to be ten years since I’ve last heard him in a BLCD. 😂 I feel so old! Now, Matsuda Kenichirou voiced Mink in DRAMAtical Murder and I hated Mink so much that I mostly didn’t even pay attention to him when I played his route. I do still have a vague idea of how he sounds like (read: a big boring blah), but hearing him sound like Kawahara Yoshihisa and Yasumoto Hiroki combined still came as a shock. Maybe it was because Mink was in monotone for the whole game, anime, and BLCD that I didn’t realize. And you thought Apollo’s stoic? 😂 But I guess Matsuda Kenichirou was indeed a good choice for Apollo because of Mink. If the sir isn’t so busy and is interested in voicing something other than Apollo, then might I suggest he team up with Okitsu? 👉👈

Again, it’s too early for me to judge their chemistry because Apollo and Phi really have 0 chemistry in the manga at this stage. Both did well in their roles regardless, though. Our minor characters here were all voiced, by the way! I loved how they didn’t cut their dialogues out but even added to them!!! Marine Ent really hit it with this one. All the supporting casts were all good in their own right and are more than capable of starring in their own BLCDs which adds more to the atmosphere of them being prostitutes and studs!!! UGHHHHH!!! NOW THIS IS WHAT I LOOK FOR AN ADAPTATION!!! No wonder it’s been nominated for best BLCD!

I would definitely recommend listening to this if you’re a fan of the series. Reading the manga along is doable, too. SuBLime also has licensed this series, so you’re in for a superior experience if you’re going to do a read-along! I just hope that the healthy brothel relationship lasts until the end of the series. 🤞

[dex-xe]

I’ve made Spotify playlists inspired by each of the ghosts and I’ve made these little written pieces to talk about them. if you wanna read them, please go ahead - if not then enjoy the music!!

This is Julian’s playlist:

Arabella - Arctic Monkeys

He’d liked it in a straight boy football beer way rather than indie kid record player way, they give of drastically different vibes you know??

Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High - Arctic Monkeys

More Arctic Monkeys, it’s honestly a miracle Julian didn’t live to see them form cause God he would be too powerful upon hearing this song.

Do It All The Time - I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

Again self explanatory, I feel like all the songs I chose for Julian are super basic but I’m feeling stressed today and needed someone simple to do XD

Girls and Boys - Blur

I feel like I include this song in most like fuck boy playlists of which Julian is obviously a part. It almost definitely wasn’t meant in this way but it clearly has bi vibes these days which is very Julian. Jk but like it’s just like a fuck boy bastard atmosphere which I fully vibe with like same Julian we’re both bastards. And what??

Death of a Bachelor - Panic! At The Disco

I know Julian was married and had a kid and everything so certainly wasn’t a bachelor but because he kinda lived that life still it feels like his death was super influenced by his lifestyle.

The Cult of Dionysus - The Orion Experience

See above XD

I’ll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men

I love Julian singing this, it’s such a brilliant scene and Mary’s “I don’t want him toooo” is so fucking funny to me!! I want more of the ghosts singing in the next season I think it’s really fun.

Womanizer - Britney Spears

As much as I would murder Julian on sight, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t go there you know…

Country House - Blur

If you know the lyrics, it’s incredibly basic and self explanatory but here are some lines to prove my point: “City dweller, successful fella. Thought to himself oops I’ve got a lot of money. Caught in a rat race terminally”, “I’m paying the price of living life at the limit” “He lives in a house, a very big house in the country”. That’s my explanation.

London Calling - The Clash

I mean it’s the song that’s always used to convey the idea of someone being rich and successful in London, like it’s played with every single rich white boy rocking up to London ready to make a fortune.

you should see me in a crown - Billie Eilish

Another song that would make Julian too powerful, please never let that man hear this song. But it gives me Moriarty vibes cause of that line (I haven’t seen Sherlock in years so can’t really remember it) and yeah Julian gives of similar vibes but less consulting killer and more war criminal you know??

Let Down - Radiohead

Basically about watching people in a pub try and hide the empty emotions which I’m obsessed with (I bet you guys can’t figure out what my favourite band is, I’m sure I’ve included them in every playlist tbh). Politics is such an empty industry and everybody involved in any capacity is literally half deceased inside already, you look at them and can see there is simply nothing left behind those eyes *shudder*.

Blah Blah Blah - The Oozes

I adore The Oozes, I think they’re so cool so I obviously had to include this cause it’s basically about the idea of the Tories being scumbags and quote “not a sweet boy” which I think is very Julian. I adore Julian so so so so much, he’s a brilliant character and I love him to pieces but I swear to God if I saw him in real life I would bang his fucking teeth into his pissing Tory head and then reach down his throat to pull them back out again. He’s a bastard and I love him!!

FOR YOUR LOVE - Måneskin

“I wanna leave you alone in the middle of the night”. Yeah there we go.

Die in the Summertime - Manic Street Preachers

I think this is my favourite Preachers song just because the foreshadowing for what was about to happen to Richey is just???? But yeah let’s return to Julian, it’s basically about the lead singer’s idea that it’s better to die in the prime of your life rather than let things go downhill (summertime refering to adolescence, spring being youth, autumn middle age adulthood, winter elder years) so yeah I think very Julian cause he partied and fucked and drank and did drugs and then died prematurely.

Toxic - Britney Spears

Toxic king

Sex with a Ghost - Teddy Hyde

I had to include this for someone but couldn’t decide who, this felt like the obvious choice.

Charmless Man - Blur

“He thinks he’s educated, airs those family shares”. More Blur, more Blur. These descriptions are shit but like I’m tired and ill sooooo.

Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time - Panic! At The Disco

“Champagne, cocaine, gasoline” like I will scream that line every single time this song plays. Like just so Julian, I can’t wait to find out about Julian’s death cause I just want to be able to laugh at the bastard-man’s antics!! (Irrelevant but apparently this song came out in 2015 but I distinctly remember listening to it aged 12/13 so either my memory of the year 2013 is fucked or someone’s lying about this song.)

Power & Control - MARINA

Bitch is a Tory all he wants is power and control.

[tellywoodtrash]

Hey TT, can you give a quick summary of what’s happening in Naagin 5 in the most You way possible (not holding back on sarcastic commentary) cause I’m tryna keep up with the mini-lbs without watching the shows and idk who the characters are or what the plot is LOL. Nothing fancy, just something similar to what you did for immj when you started LBS

Lmao ok I’ll try............... Even though I literally only started watching from the Veer/Bani wedding. So who knows how much of this is correct.

So there was this chick who Shivji decides to make the veryyyyyyyyyyyy first Naagin ever, and gives her some powers and shit (what powers, beyond turning into a snake???? Beats me.) She had a SnakeMan boo-thang as well. But there was a Cheel Prince obsessed with her, and he kills her Snake Boyfriend (Snoyfriend?) so she flings him into some Dark Void and then kills herself too. Coz what is life without men?????????? (Bliss, pure and simple bliss. You know how much I’d enjoy life if I was a Snake Lady who didn’t have to put up with men???? HELLA LOTS.)

Anyway, a gajillion years later all these ppl are reborn. (Ugh, the janam-mrityu chakra. How to escape, pls to tell, I would like to get off this ride that I did notttttt buy a ticket for.) Snake Girl is Bani, Snoyfriend is Jai, and Cheel Boy is Veeranshu. Bani loses her parents in some plane crash and is adopted by some family - a dad she calls Papa, an adoptive mom she calls Chachi (coz Chachi hates Bani and doesn’t wanna be called Mom), and three sisters; Meera, Mahek, and Dahek. (Mahek Dahek are ridiculously bad Gen Z stereotypes who only care about makeup and partying and boys.) Allllllll these ppl meet at some wedding where Cheelanshu strides in saying he slept with the bride and there’s lots of panga between Cheelanshu and Snoyfriend. The bride ends up dead and Bani sees Cheelanshu and his brothers thikaane lagaofying the laash. Anyway, Cheel Family (Members: Daddy Cheel, Chachu Cheel. Daddy ke bete hain Veer & Tapish; Chachu ke bete hain Daksh, Monil, Ponky. Saath mein ek live-in chamcha bhi hai Shukla bolke.........) is very diverse in their business dealings, they run an alcohol empire and a pub and also have some human/sex trafficking on the side, unknown to Righteous Cheel Prince Cheelanshu. Bani hates him from first sight, he loves her and keeps following her around like a chaep. There’s some randomness in between where he saves her from some explosion while she’s unconscious, and Bani and Jai remember they’re Snoulmates (Snake Soulmates) by doing one ridiculous fucking dance. They decide ki Cheel Family ko mitaana hi hai, but they cannot attack them until the Cheels attack first. (Thanks Shivji for all these useless clauses in contract. Vardaan nahi, yeh toh iTunes ka terms and conditions ho gaya.) So they have to keep biding their time till they can murder some cheels. Cheel Boy brings proposal for Bani’s sister to make her jealous and Bani decides to marry Snoyfriend. Blah blah blah, kuch kuch ho jaata hai, Bani sees Jai being thrown off a cliff by the Cheels, suddenly from somewhere one twin brother of Veer’s comes and attacks Bani and she’s like yisssssssssssss, thinking it’s Veer and attacks him. But it’s not actually her who kills him, it’s Namak Haraam Shukla. Veer enters screaming and crying about his brother and Bani’s like wtf who did I kill then????? Anyway Veer and her marry each other to exact revenge on each other. (What other reason is there to get married anyway??) Jai is ultimately not dead and is now like mwahahahahha I hate Bani coz a woman in power is unimaginable to me as a Desi Man, even if I am a snake too. I wanna kill her so I can get her Aadinaagin powers (what powers???? He literally already has the same power she does, of turning into a snake.) He does random absolute fail saazishishein with Shukla and a Hot Morni called Mayuri (BABE I MISS YOU MOST PLS COME BACK) to kill Veer/Bani. Meanwhile Veer finds out Bani didn’t kill twin and is like oh ok cool my conscience now allows me to love her with no guilt. No more revenge, only pyaar pyaar pyaaaar. Bani still hates him tho. Phir Veer waale actor ko COVID ho gaya toh puraane yug waala Cheel Prince comes back pretending to be him (brought by Snoyfriend and team) and does some mindfuckery and Bani is like this ain’t my husbanddddddd; he’s a different flavour of bastard than this one in front of me. I like my regular Lemon-Lime Chutiya instead of this Blackberry flavoured one. Hathaapaai and what not and Lemon-Lime Cheel boy comes back and murders imposter and saves Bani. Uneasy peace between hubs and wifey. Phir aata hai reveal ki she’s a Naagin and he’s like I love her anyway and protects her from his murderous family. Snoyfriend comes and starts living with them at Cheel Mansion for some reason and him and Cheel Boy have mad banter 24/7. The best part of the show.

Anyway aaj kal Veer ki long lost Mummy aayi hui hai (and she calls herself Markaat, even though she’s not the real Markaat, that’s someone else the Cheel Fam worships or something..... Idk man, idk...........) Anyway she’s a half cheel half naagin and also Snoyfriend’s mom, so surprise surprise, Bickering Boys are Brothers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She wants to kill Bani to get her AadiNaagin powers (again, WHAT DAMN POWERS????????? I DON’T SEE NOTHING OTHER THAN THE FACT THAT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GIANTASS SNAKE. WHICH YOU CAN ALSO DO, AUNTYJI. SO LITERALLY WTF POWERS ARE YOU ALL GOING ON ABOUT HERE?????????) but Bros Before Hoes Mom unite to save mutual love interest. Snoyfriend decides ki evil bann ke kyaa hi ukhaad liya maine, toh might as well be on the good side, where at least I’ll have some company for this insane shitshow that is our lives. Meanwhile Shivji ne Bani ko phir se koi random vardaan diya where she can see shit that happens in the future and she keeps seeing all her loved ones drowning. So she takes them all to a safehouse ON A CLIFF FACING THE SEA. Then the sea levels start rising like cray (climate change is real) and Naagin drinks up a tsunami that tries to kill them all. Meanwhile iss sab ke beech mein Bani ki sister Meera aur Veer ke brother Tapish ki shaadi bhi chal rahi hai (coz zindagi idhar ki udhar ho jaaye par shaadiyaan nahi rukni chahiye iss desh mein!!!!!!!!!!!) but now the BTS for next week show Bani/Veer stealing the thunder and marrying other ppl instead. WILL YOU FUCKERS LET THE SPOTLIGHT BE ON TAPISH/MEERA FOR 5 MINUTES PLS NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway........ yeah. That’s what you’ve missed on Naagin 5.

As a reward for reading all this nonsense, here have a gif of the Cheel Fam doing their thing:

[werevulvi]

So I've been away from tumblr for a while. Not sure how long. Maybe a month? I'm writing a book (fiction) so I've been and still am busy with more fulfilling distractions from reality than social media. The book I'm writing is about a woman, Olga, who's transitioning like me, but then she's an assassin. I don't wanna get into all the itty gritty details of that until I'm done, but writing that book has been serving as a great distraction from my gender issues. Except I need to take breaks from my hyper-focused super intense writing spree at times to not accidentally boil my brain. What? Is working on a project for 10+ hours a day, every day, for over a month a little much? Sorry I can't hear you over my autistic hyperfocus. And those breaks get me tossed right back into... mostly dysphoria. That’s what I wanted to rant about.

I know this is an unfair accusation, but sometimes I wonder just how paranoid and anxious feminism has made me. I fully abhor victim mentality, but sometimes reading feminist posts, articles, etc, about the various evils of men (crime statistics, female victims' accounts of male violence, etc) makes me feel... like a victim, and hopeless, for being female. And it requires a lot of effort to dig myself out of that pit. I need to remind myself that I can trust men, that most of them are not violent, that they're not the real enemy, and that women are not so different from men. Otherwise what? Otherwise I'd give into my PTSD and get drowned out by my dysphoria.

PTSD says all men are dangerous and want my pussy, either to harm it or fuck it. PTSD says it's my fault I'm a victim of sexual trauma, because I am female. And I dunno why, but sometimes feminism echoes that sentiment, and that's not great for my recovery, or my long term pursuit of happiness. Dysphoria says I'm too different from men and that's why I hate being female. Dysphoria doesn't want any special treatment just because I'm female. Feminism echoes what my dysphoria says, sometimes, and that's not great. Dysphoria wants equal treatment. Receiving equity due to my "failed" sex feels like... I dunno, like wanting to crawl out of my fucking skin and set it on fire, I suppose. Bad female skin humiliating me. Because that again reminds me that my sex being female is what's wrong, and not the treatment of women as "weaker" and more emotionally frail. Then my solution is to get rid of my femaleness, so that I can be strong, fast and free. Independent enough to open a fucking jar. I feel trapped in the unfairness itself.

I still want to be different from women, not from men. I want to stand out among women, and I'm jokingly boasting about how I'm such an NLOG (Not Like Other Girls) and proud to be different, in masculine ways. I'm proud to be hairier, having a deeper voice, and that female socialization didn't stick to me as much. And likewise, I feel good when I'm similar to men, blend in among them, am compared to them as an equal to them, and that I managed to pick up on some male socialization. This is more subconscious, and not something I really think about.

I still wish I was male, and that impossible dream still hurts, I guess. I've been trying to distract myself from those thoughts by writing my book and... having sexual fantasies in which I am male. Clearly my own home made therapy that made me connect somewhat with being female (3 years ago) was ineffective in the long run, but now I can't possibly make myself believe I'm a man again, just because I still/again wish I was male. It comes and goes, yes, but it's seemingly in a curvy line that over time points me in the dysphoric direction, and not in the desisting direction. And that's what's so hard. That I basically have to force myself to this realization that... I can't talk myself out of my dysphoria, and that that little bit of connection I got to my sex 3 years ago, was an appetizer for a meal I'll never have. That feels cruel.

And I keep telling myself I don't have dysphoria. Nah, I'm just transitioning for the heck of it. If only!

I don't wanna be trans, and I don't wanna be dysphoric. I wanna be male, but that's different. I can't even see myself as a man simply because I am not male and can never be. Thus, I'm a woman, and unhappy with it. Yet, I clearly can't function as a woman socially either, and that frustrates me. I'm happy that I can look and sound so convincingly male in my appearance, and I'm really excited to go back on testosterone, but I... I feel trapped, in a medical condition I cannot escape. And it doesn't matter what fucking caused it, it's not going away! Point is it's not going away! I've tried for sixteen years! I am tired! And now I can't even call myself a man without laughing all the way to hell and back.

Everyone wants to be trans nowadays. Everyone who benefits from a new label. But I don't. Clearly I don't have an easy time with it, and it might be because I just have a shit ton of sex/physical dysphoria, and not even calling myself a man helps. It just adds insult to injury. I don't wanna play pretend, goddamnit, I wanna be a real boy! That's "problematic" to say, because I shouldn't shatter other trans people's dreams. Well, mine's shattered and I wanna whine about it. I don't blame them for their identities. How could I? Ignorance is bliss, and I miss bliss.

I think that's why I feel like I'm a woman who just wishes she was a man, and kinda always have. I wrote it in my diary when I was 16, four years before I even came out as trans, before I knew anything about trans ideology or gender critical or anything, but I knew I was dysphoric and fit the loose criteria for FTM transsexuals, and I didn't like that verdict. It felt like a death sentence, and now... now it feels like a cruel joke.

I don't think I'm really all that different from trans men. De-gendered, perhaps, but still just as bloody dysphoric and still just as much of a testosterone junkie. I'm just a less happy go lightly kinda FtM. I've always been a bit of a nihilist. The "if you leave the half full glass it will eventually dry the fuck out no matter how much water you keep pouring up into it, because the nature of water is to vaporize" -kinda nihilist, not the "the glass is half empty" -kind. Yes, there is a difference. I'm not a pessimist, I'm a hardcore realist, and reality is... being trans sucks and I can't do fucking shit about it. I want a solution, not rose tinted goggles. But at this point, I'd take that too. I've tried... but they keep falling off.

Perhaps I'm too autistic to get gender identity, or maybe I just don't have social dysphoria or gender incongruence, perhaps it just feels so fucking pointless. Words... they're just blah blah blah. They have whatever meaning we put in them. So I changed my personal meaning of "woman" to include my dysphoria and beard, and since then I'm fine with calling myself a woman. But woman is still just a word. It's what I am that I dislike, not what I'm supposed to call it. My problem is not in how people perceive me. They can perceive me as a stranded jelly fish if they so wish, it doesn't change reality that I'm an adult human female. And it's reality, that biological reality, that bothers me.

And I don't like that I realised that, because biological reality is the one thing I can't change. I can change my identity, but my identity as a woman is not the problem. The problem is my sex is still persistently female. And I don't wanna change what is not a problem. Why fix what ain't broken? I get that my sex isn't broken either (well it might be now, considering I've smashed it with testosterone) but I just don't wanna be a woman. Because dysphoria. No point in arguing. It just goes round and round in circles. I can't make a logical argument for why I don't like ketchup either though. It always comes back to "but I just don't like it."

I just get sad, sometimes, over being female, and uncomfortable. And I get envious of men's bodies, and then I get sad I can't have that. And I try to emulate what men's bodies do, which makes me feel a bit better, but then I remember I'm still female, and I try to be okay with that. Sometimes I even half succeed, and feel like "yeah, being a woman is actually kinda badass!" but then I remember that a cranky uterus and estrogen exist in my body, acting as if they want me to suffer a slow (very slow) death, and I get sad again. Is trying to like being a woman even worth it, considering that's mostly been going downhill since I was 3 years old? Well what the hell are my options, aside from that?! Pretending to be a man? Pretending that the nonbinary labels could do anything at all to benefit my existence?

I'm sorry, but I don't see the appeal, in either of those options. I'll try to just exist. That became my focus; just existing. But I can't distract myself 24/7. Because as soon as I stop distracting myself, for even just a minute, I get caught in the inevitable doom that is my dysphoria, and how hopelessly trapped I am inside it.

[claire-willz]

I want you to know the number you did on me. I want you to know how badly you fucked me up. I can lie through my teeth and say how over you i am, and how i'm doing good now and I'm in a better mental state and whatever the fuck. I mean I think i am? I'm not 15 and self harming and shit anymore, I don't do the same shit I did back then. I don't know if I'm in a better mental state, or if I've literally just grown up. You fucking broke me. You broke my spirit, you broke my soul.You were so fucking mean to me, I still, 8 years later have your voice in my head mocking everything I do, including writing this bullshit. You fucking ruined me. My life and who I am would have been so different if I had never met you. I mean fuck, i was so desperate to get over you I started sleeping around with anyone who would give me the time of day, which eventually lead me to be a prositute because i thought 'i do it anyway but for free, why not get paid for it?'. In this whatever post I plan to be as vunerable as i can be, and in that, I feel like I'm worth fuck all because I was a prostitute. Because of you. 8 years later and saying your name feels like I'm spitting fire, my stomach turns and i get this rush of emotions, love, hate, heartbreak, guilt.. 6 years ago, I tried to take my own life. I remember thinking how when it worked you would say 'well she was actually strong enough to do it, never thought she would'. But It didnt so.. 5 years ago, I had the biggest depression breakdown to date which cost me not one but two hospital admissions in the space of 24 hours, and I remeber worrying that you would find out because I wanted you to know I had changed even though we hadn't spoken in 2 and a half years. I was depressed, the pressure that you still put over me to be everything i never was that you wanted collapsed me i suppose. Mix that with me trying to be a better person for you and never feeling like it was enough because you fucking hate me and honestly, i see myself the way you do, or did, been too long now, maybe after 8 years you changed your mind? just in case you came back, just in case. I don't remember the sound of your voice, I barely remember what you look like. I don't remember your likes and dislikes, I don't remember your traits and hobbies, But i remember how you made me feel. And I know, because ive been telling myself for years that i need to forgive you, and I think i have, But if i really had, I wouldn't be writing this, so i don't know. Everything I did to the drugs I smoked, the alochol I drank, the people I considered friends and the men i slept with was all to get over you, and in return... I got cripping anxiety as a result from all of it. My psychologists says that to me, you represented everything i wanted at the time even if it wasn't who you were. You represented the love i wanted from my dad, you represented a happy life, you represented acceptance and approval, stability, just everything I didn't have and never did have that subconsiously I always wanted.. and yes, you did put me into therapy, not soley you, but you did. You're right, I am crazy, and i blame you for it, you made me crazy then got mad when I was. But what i wanna know, is how the FUCK do i fix this mess you made, they say time heals all wounds but i disagree, a shitload of water has run under the bridge, every single cell in my body has changed, but the time hasn't healed the wounds its caused a huge infection, the water running under the bridge has stopped running and turned into a lake, the cells in my body still crave you and still yearn for your smell and the sound of your voice saying 'stress less baby'. If i could still remember, it would ring in my ears, but its hard too when your voice is basically forgotten in my memory. I don't know how to get over you, I've tried literally everything. Hypnotism, medication, drugs, alochol, sex (and alot of it), I've tried dating other guys,I've written you letters and burnt them,Ive talked about you in depth to that many fucking people its embarrasing, yet I'm still here. Saturday night and i'm still missing the absolute shit out of you and I'm still hurt over you, stalking any only tumblr profile that has even the hint of your existence then feeling my stomach turn when i remember how it felt when you did the things you did to me. Its like its october 2012 all over again, it feels the exact fucking same and I don't know why. I hate it, I wish it could stop but I really am convinced that I never will. I won't get over you, the damange you did won't heal. I hate you, I hate you so much it literally lets my skin aflame, but I would do absolutely anything to have you back in my life. I don't think I'll get this happy ever after I've been dreaming of, I don't think I'll find someone and get married. I wish you never existed, because this isnt normal. The feelings and everything i go through daily still isn't normal. And i wish it wasn't like this. 24/7 you're torturing me. And i mean youre happy now, you have a wife and a kid, you moved on so long ago I'd be suprised if you ever remembered me. You won't ever read this, and i hope you don't. Maybe this is just another lame attempt to get over you, it won't work, but helps the pain for a little while. Being completly vunerable and honest in a 'letter' isn't something ive done yet. The rest that i wrote were all bullshit on how i forgive you and how i dont love you anymore and how i am doing so much better than you ever thought possible and blah blah blah. All lies, they feel real at the time and maybe they are, but when its moments like these that are so fucking raw the truth just comes out and i'm here, thinking of you and hating everything thats happened. I see my life and three sections, before you, during you, and after you. Before you life was easy, during you.. life was amazing and intense and extreme, after you is pain and denial. Its embarrasment and sadness. Evens bandaids fall off, even stitches get infected. Open wounds sometimes stay open. And its your fault. Maybe if you did come back life would get easier for me, maybe i wouldn't hear your voice, maybe I would go crazy on you again. I know i did awful things to you, but were they that awful? I did them because i was hurt, but you did worse too, and you never owned up to it, and yet youre still the victim in my eyes, even though you moved on and you don't feel the way i feel. I am the victim here, not you and fuck you for thinking that, fuck me for thinking that, I'm just as bad for viewing you that way, I could probably choose not too, but its so embedded into my subconsious i don't see any other way to view you. Because i hate you like you were the bad guy, and love you like you were the victim. It would have been easier if you died, not gonna lie about that. If you had died, my life would be easier. I don't mean that as 'i wish you were dead', but i mean that if you hadnt of left my by choice, it would probbaly be easier to deal with. I know ive changed as a person, i made alot of mistakes and i grew up and grew from them which is something every single person has done and yet i feel your judgement in the harshest way for every single one of them. I carry the guilt for the things that i did as if i did them to you, the one i cared/care about most. I don't know how well this explains everything within me ranting about shit and whatever, but i tried.

[woman-loving]

Stud Expectations and Sex with Men

Selection from "Stud Identity Among Female-Born Youth of Color: Joint Conceptualizations of Gender Variance and Same-Sex Sexuality," by Laura E Kuper, Laurel Wriht, and Brian Mustanski, Journal of Homosexuality, 61, 2014

Kiandra saw her stud identity primarily as a reflection of her desire to wear “male” clothing and her subjective sense of masculinity. She distinguished herself from other types of studs, including soft studs (who wear tighter clothes) and those “that call theyself daddy” (transgender men). Throughout the interview, Kiandra expressed confusion and some frustration at what she saw as a relatively recent increase in studs secretly having sex with men. This phenomenon appears to directly conflict with Kiandra’s identity configuration/signification of stud, which fuses her masculine gender expression, her exclusive attraction to feminine women, and her dominant sexual role (i.e., her exclusive use of strap-ons with sexual partners): “I wouldn’t be attracted to no stud ’cause then I might as well be attracted to a man ... She gonna wanna do the same thing to me I’m trying to do to her.” This configuration/signification makes it difficult for Kiandra to view the same-sex attractions of feminine women as authentic: “I have never found a femme that said that they have not had sex with a man at least once.”

[...]

Contrary to some of her claims earlier in the interview, Desiree drew a distinction between gender and sexual orientation:

“Not all lesbians are real masculine, you know? Some are like half and half. Some are like not at all. Some are still a little prissy ... But, you know what? The reason why I don’t—why I never identify as a transgender—is because I never heard that word before I attended the [LGBTQ youth center]. So it was kind of like new to me and ... I was already used to the lesbian thing.”

Desiree describes stud identity similarly but reports that “stud” is a term with which she identifies and has known about since she was young. Although her definition of “stud” was similar to Kiandra’s, Desiree’s definition reflected less investment in categorical distinctions: “[Studs are] more masculine, more boyish ... But I’ma say like the way you dress, too. Because [there are] some femmes that’s kinda rough, too ... [But] I don’t think that it’s written down--‘You’re a stud so you can’t do this, or you can’t do that.’” This perspective also appears reflected in, and potentially informed by, her racial identity: “I always said I’m mixed ... It’s not really a problem ... It’s kind of a good thing.” Desiree took a much different perspective than Kiandra on other studs having sex with men. When describing a friend who had done so, she commented: “There was people was like sayin’, ‘She’s not supposed to do that because she’s a stud,’ and ‘Blah blah blah.’ And I was just like, ‘I mean, maybe she just felt like doin’ it. It’s something she wanted to do.’ You’re still given choices, you know?”

[...]

[...] After coming out, Paloma acknowledged a period of time when she identified as a “stud” because “everybody else was a stud [when] I was hanging around them.” In high school, she described teasing her female peers with another stud-identified friend, particularly those who played sports, because they were seen as more likely to be same-sex attracted: “Like other guys would do it to them. Like they’d smack them on their ass or something like that, or they’d hug them, so it was like we would be on that too.” When discussing why she eventually stopped identifying with the term “stud,” Paloma commented: “A lot of these young people walk around talking about they ‘studs’ and they ‘true lesbians.’ But at the same time, they sleeping around with men . . . I don’t wanna label myself as that ’cause I don’t want everybody to mix me up.” In attempting to make meaning of this phenomenon, she commented: “It don’t make no sense to me. Like it’s either you lesbian or you’re bisexual or you just confused. A lot of them—I think they be confused.”

[...]

[...] Across participants, multiple examples were given of others whose experiences of gender and/or sexuality challenged one or more of these components of participants’ own identity configurations of “stud.” Variations existed in how participants related to and incorporated knowledge of these “other” studs, with some challenging the “authenticity” of others’ experiences, some minimizing the importance of such distinctions, and Paloma disassociating from the identity altogether.

[mollydollydreams]

Im avin a thought ere and I wanna try make it words

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I find the whole "slut but only for him" thing kinda weird. Not in a way that I think it's inherently wrong or people shouldnt do/want that, I think everyone should do what they're comfortable with and for some people that's what's it. But I do think it's worth examining why we want certain things in romantic and sexual relationships and this is one that sometimes strikes me as a little off.

Like historically women havent been allowed to enjoy sex or anything lest they be labelled a slut which is of course inherently ~bad~. We have the whole madonna/whore thing where men are supposed to be horny all the time and want to be sexual with 'whores' but they also need a 'madonna' to be their wife and homemaker. So if a woman displays any indication that she might actually want male attention or enjoy sex at all, she's automatically placed in the whore category and therefore an outcast and not marriage material. You gotta stay a virgin til marriage and all that.

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡

The way I see it, "slut but only for him" is just the current iteration of that same thing. It's men realising they shot themselves in the foot with that binary and that they could actually have a wife who also loves sex, and women realising 1) any man may end up looking elsewhere if his sexual needs arent met or his fantasies are offered elsewhere, even one who appears to be faithful and good otherwise and says hes looking for that "pure" woman; and 2) there's now a socially acceptable way to (more) openly enjoy sex and not be outcast for it.

But in the end you're still having to hold yourself to this one man's standards, ie your (potential/future/current) husband. You're still basically "saving yourself til marriage" or whatever. You still arent allowed to admit you have a past, or if any of it was enjoyable. You still have to like...keep yourself hidden away from other men in case it looks like you might enjoy sex or anything vaguely sexual somewhere else. You're not allowed to say where you learned your tricks or if you still talk to any of your exes or any of that.

💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

Idk just people have pasts and currents and just as much as a woman should be allowed to enjoy sex with a committed partner, she should also be allowed to just be a slut. In the past a woman was branded Un-Respectable if she admitted to wanting sex at all, now it's just the point at which you get that brand is different. Like how we can still be shamed when someone else shares consensual nude photos and videos.

The number of times I've been talking to someone and I can feel their perception of me shift as soon as there's any indication I might like sex and not be totally ashamed of it. Whether it's disdain and judging me a bad person, or (a man) trying to hook up with me and no longer seeing me as anything but a sex object. As if I'm not the same person they were just talking to a minute ago about something else. And suddenly whether they'll continue to talk to me or not is wholly dependent on whether they're trying to fuck me, but either way they've stopped treating me like a person.

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It's one of the reasons I generally refuse the idea of monogamy (though that's not the only way to do it). I feel like a man telling me to only be a slut for him is still trying to own me and my sexuality in the same way he would be if he expected me to be "pure" and whatever. He's asking me to allow him to become complacent and stop trying, because he already has me. I once read somewhere that often men tend to take on occasional/irregular tasks that can be started and completed - eg fixing a broken shelf - and women tend to have more maintenance focused tasks that need to be done regularly - eg washing dishes. I feel like this applies to relationships a lot as well.

I don't want to promise my best sluttiness to a man who then thinks he has me and that's that. It's not a gift or reward that I give; nor is it something anyone can take. It's something he can coax out of me and inspire, if that makes sense. It has to be coaxed and inspired each time, and I go with that purposefully or not at all. A situation where the expectation is that I'm "a slut but only for him" feels like expectations on my behalf but not on his. Like I'm the shelf he fixed once and not the dishes that need regular attention.

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I think I got sidetracked in there somewhere but my point was...something about accepting that people are whole human beings regardless of gender. And that in the case of "slut but only for him" it often comes off to me like just another way of being Kept, with no acknowledgement of what should be done in order to keep someone in that way. And then that goes into the tenets of bdsm and such and...maybe I'll just stop here before I ramble any further

(but standard disclaimer that I made a lot of generalisations and I'm not saying it applies to everyone blah blah notallmen etc)

[atopearth]

Piofiore: Fated Memories Part 2 - Dante Falzone Route

Hmm maybe Dante's route will answer why Lili seems to be so important to the Falzone and the church? Is she a descendant of the people who were tasked by "angels" to create this church and thus led to the creation of the Falzone or something? I wonder how Orlok is involved though~ Interesting to see Dante personally come to the church to protect and save Lili even though I doubt Orlok really meant any harm. Loll at Dante though, he seems like such a silly awkward boy that doesn't know how to properly communicate with others, he wants to keep her safe in the Falzone estate but doesn't even properly tell her that he intends to do that and just kinda assumes it by giving her a room and everything lol. Honestly though, I feel sorry for Lili, although she's being "protected", it's practically as if she's been kidnapped since she's not even allowed out of her room, and no one from the church or wherever is supposed to know that she's here, I would feel so uncomfortable if I was her. I guess at least she tried talking to Dante about it, too bad he refuses to say anything😪 I love how Leo is such a pure and earnest soul though, he is so kind and sweet to Lili, he tries so hard to help her too, it's nice that Leo is such an understanding and thoughtful bodyguard.

Lmaoo when Lili made a silk rope and tried to climb down the balcony to escape. To be fair, I would risk doing the same thing, Dante really isn't helping the situation by hiding everything from her. The CG of Dante catching her when she fell is so pretty though! I knew that Dante was hiding how the people were doing at the church because something happened to Sister Sofia but I didn't expect her to have died... Awww it was so cute how Leo thought Lili tried to run away because he was stuck to her 24/7 loll, he gives her so much space, there's no way he's overbearing! He's such a good boy🥺 especially now that she's not eating after finding out what happened to Sister Sofia, so he's trying to find a way to get her to eat. I love the suggestion of getting Nicola, Leo and Dante to eat with her to try and motivate her in a way. Too bad Dante didn't do it, but it's nice to see Nicola spending time naturally chatting with her and eating with her, I think eating together with someone really helps to make the food easier to take in. Omgg, Leo is such a cinnamon roll, he even took time out to buy her books and flowers since he felt bad that he didn't have permission to eat or do anything with her🥺 Ohh, Dante told him to get the gifts for her! Hahaha, omg, he's so cute🤣 It's actually kinda funny but so sweet how attentive and efficient Dante is. She just told him that she's a bit lonely since Leo has been busy and he tells Leo to get her a kitten the next day lmao. I'm actually impressed at how good he is at thinking of gifts to help her be more comfortable here. Dante's gentle expression patting the kitten was so comforting, I loved it. It was also nice to see Lili finally properly cry over Sister Sofia's death with Dante consoling her by rubbing her back🥺 Oh okay, I thought Sister Sofia dying was weird, but I didn't think that Dante would lie about such a thing to Lili especially knowing how important she was to her, I'm not surprised Lili felt betrayed. I'm glad Dante sincerely apologised for lying to her though.

HAHAHA, I loved how when Nicola was flirting with Lili and seemed to be coming on to her, she just shoved him away and ran off lolll! Although I'm happy that Leo is so considerate of Lili to bring her to the church whenever they have a chance to sneak out, it's obvious that something is going to happen now that she's out hahaha. As expected, the Lao-Shu are on the move for her, but I didn't expect Yang himself to be here for her. Omgggg I never expected to hear about Gau Lung Seng Caai aka Kowloon Walled City in here, I guess it would make sense for Yang to come from there since it was basically fully controlled by triads back in the day~ It's kinda worrying that Orlok can invade the Falzone estate and get to Dante so quickly loll, on the other hand, Orlok is a disciple of the church? Ugh, I wanna punch Nicola, like seriously, it's come to the point where they're running away to hide somewhere others don't know about and Nicola STILL insists that no, Lili shouldn't know anything because it's a secret and who knows if it's true since it's so long ago blah blah. Honestly dude, it's not important whether you think it's true or not, the truth is that people like Yang are going after her because they find value in her being the Key Maiden that can unlock the seal to the sacred relic (kinda the symbolic thing that gives the Church power in Burlone since back in the day). They obviously know that her life is in danger because of this, hid it from her all this time "because it's for her own good" when really, they're just treating her like a literal key they can drag from place to place to "protect" disregarding the fact that she's a human and has her own emotions and thoughts. And what? Nicola wants to blame her for sneaking out? Excuse you, yeah she's wrong, but don't make it sound like you guys are right for basically locking her up in the manor without telling her anything important. Like yeah, the Falzone are the guardians protecting the sacred relic and her so of course they know their mission and stuff but there's a huge difference when you know something and when you don't, being kept in the dark just makes everything worse. Honestly they could have just made up some lie to her instead.

Oh how interesting, they even have Disciples like Orlok to monitor the Falzone to see if they're properly fulfilling their roles as guardians?? That kinda seems...silly? Like, why don't you share protection of the relic instead? Also, how do you even know if they're properly doing their job or not? Like, you need the pure Falzone blood (and that's why they're so adamant on the importance of pure Falzone blood) to open the seal and get to the relic but you don't need it to protect it? But I guess there's more to this~ Anyway, Dante blushing on the sofa when he woke up with Lili nearly tripping down on him was cute haha. I'm not sure if I missed it though, wasn't Carlo the cat supposed to stay at the manor? Lmao at Dante being bad at household chores, at least he tried I guess. Yeah, Nicola likes to cause trouble huh? Now Lili thinks Dante is only nice to her because she's the Key Maiden, which is a legitimate worry, but it is pretty slack of her to avoid Dante when he's earnestly trying to approach her and understand what's wrong lol, I feel bad for him.

Like, I don't want to call the Falzone family weak since I feel like depending on the route and stuff, the story "makes" them weak when they want to so that the story can go whichever way they want but c'mon, laced wine that Nicola and Dante didn't notice? I'm surprised they fell for something like that. Nicola is definitely in on it, and Dante is careless lol. But then again, I feel like all our Mafia bosses here make questionable decisions too so I'll just roll with it lol. It was so heartwarming to see Dante so relieved to reunite with Lili and confirm that she's safe. Others can act as the Key Maiden??? So what's the point of Lili then...? Just more convenient? Anyway, the Falzone sure fell in reputation faaast from a newspaper report about corruption with police blah blah, like um, you knew they were Mafia so obviously not everything is going to be all colourful with rainbows, and it's so hilarious how the townspeople can just treat people like Giulia like shit now, excuse me, but I'm sure if Dante and them wanted to, they still have the numbers to oppress you guys, he's just too nice spoiling you all and you tread on him like that after he treated them so well over the years. Ungrateful people. Anyway, their confession was cute, but it sure took a long time for Lili to properly assess her feelings and be honest about her thoughts, but I think Dante being frank about his thoughts was the highlight. A bit like an explosion of all his feelings, his inadequacies, his worries and everything, it's nice that Lili was beside him, because I'm sure Nicola betraying him always hits him hard. On a whole though, sometimes I find it kinda funny how Yang is the only one Mafia-like in that he's actively trying to gain more power and territory, whereas Gil and Dante are pretty chill with the situation (as long as the power balance stays I guess) aside from the troublesome Yang guys lol.

Hahahaha okay, I thought I was vulgar for thinking that Dante and Lili needed to have sex for her "mark" as the Key Maiden to become prominent as needed for the seal (according to Emilio) but to think it really was that!! Okay, funnily, I didn't expect the sacred relic to actually be Jesus' dead body which apparently refutes all the church's teachings since Jesus would be seen as a "normal human" that died, which for me feels kinda silly? I'm not sure what the general consensus is and I never realised that Jesus' body was "stolen" or just cannot be found, but I guess I never really thought that when Jesus died, his body disappeared? I always assumed that Jesus "came down to Earth" and died for our sins in a mortal body, so obviously if he dies, the body will remain but the soul and the spirit or I guess the Holy Spirit leaves and kinda forms the Holy Trinity again? Anyway, I don't know my Bible stuff anymore so I'm not sure anymore, but for me, I feel like this "revelation" is pretty weak and honestly shouldn't be able to undermine the Church but that's just my opinion lol. Anyway, I love how after all that, Yang is just like I'm gonna kill you guys because he hates the Church anyway and he's lost most of his men so he's got nothing much to lose anymore so he might as well take them down with him, I feel like Yang is so random sometimes but I'll roll with it since it's much more amusing to watch him haha. Honestly, I feel so sad for Orlok dying to protect Lili when I feel like she never really saw him for how kind he was, and now he's being relentlessly stabbed by the crazed Yang that's probably on drugs. On the other hand, this might sound crazy but I like this ruthless Yang and I feel like I'm finally seeing a bit of the terror and bloodshed I expected from a game about the Mafia hahaha. Anyway, I'm glad Lili shot a bullet into the air distracting Yang and allowing Dante the opportunity to kill him, I think Yang would be satisfied with that since it seemed like he was just looking for an entertaining way to die. I'm glad that Nicola properly apologised to Lili for his crappy attitude towards her lol.

Well, the best ending was definitely more plot than romance, and I'm honestly not a fan of the plot here haha, it was more boring than I thought. Anyway, that made the romance part have less time so yeah..but seeing Dante propose to Lili was still cute haha. I actually prefer the good ending much more, it felt like it was straightforward, simple and sweet without the unnecessary plot haha, I also liked how she decided to stay at the church and didn't feel like she was ready to leave and stay in his manor with him yet, which is very understandable imo and I liked how they are spending more time properly bonding instead of living in those moments so focused on protecting her and everything. It felt much more natural. Honestly, Nicola dying by Dante's hands to protect Lili in the tragic ending was expected, and it was sad since Nicola always wanted the best for Dante and he's right that the Mafia will slowly become more and more redundant as time goes by, but I think Dante accidentally killing Gil and Lili going into a coma to protect Dante was really unnecessary. It just basically took away the impact and focus on Nicola's death that should torment Dante forever and tried to make it as "tragic" as possible but it just made me not care about it lol. Especially since Lili is in a coma, Dante will focus on that instead of the fact that he killed his best friend and his "brother" with his own hands and I think that's much more tragic than what happened to Gil and Lili.

Overall, I like Dante’s character more than Nicola, but I can't really say I cared for the story here either haha. It's nice that there were answers to the questions about the plot such as the Key Maiden etc, but the reveal and everything was more boring than I thought haha, so sadly that was disappointing. Otherwise, I think Dante and Lili were pretty cute. But I think I enjoyed the beginning of their relationship more, mainly because it was nice to see how they both worked hard to try and spend time with each other, get to know what the other likes to support them and other things like that, it felt really sweet. But once they moved into the hotel together, I don't feel like much happened and they just kinda got together because that's how it is? I don't know, guess the later parts didn't live up to the vanilla of the beginning haha, CGs were super pretty as usual though~ I do like Dante as a character though, like he can get a bit frustrating at times for being the moralistic Mafia boss but it suits him, and I guess it's nice to have someone like him who is seemingly cold but probably feels the most "feelings" out of the others haha. I think it's pretty cute how Dante has known about her since he was a child and always thought about her even though it was unnecessary lol. Anyway, tbh, I kinda prefer crazy Roberto than the actual plot lolll.

[jamaisjoons]

I wish i had a sister like you girl, like cmon tell me all the magic tricks of sucking dick i wanna learn!!!!!!!!! i wanna maKE ALL MEN PRAISE MEE (but srsly babe tell me😭😭😭

i can’t believe i’m actually doing this - but here’s a quick guide on how to give some good head:

literally the first thing i’m going to say is pay attention to him. i know we all joke about how men are all the same and blah blah in bed - but the thing is they’re not. each man is different, with different likes and dislikes and different sexual interests. what works for one man will not necessarily work for someone else. so pay attention to how he’s reacting to you - whether he’s super into it or losing interest. like just pay attention to him okay. like you don’t have to constantly be like ‘oh do you like this? oh is this okay’ - you can usually tell by whether he’s being vocal, of if he’s moving around more than usual or if his dick reacting a different way. some classic signs (which i always use in my fics): is he throbbing, does his dick twitch, is he dripping precum, is his breathing becoming heavier, is he being more vocal etc etc. whatever it is, pay attention.

also communication. like if it’s a random one night stand it ain’t gonna matter whether u give good head or nah, but if its a boyfriend/partner/fwb or whatever and you’re gonna fuck more than once - communicate. find out what he likes, whether he likes it when you use your teeth (some men do, some don’t), whether they like it when you moan for them (some like the vibrations, some find it weird), whether he likes when u coat his cock in spit (again, some do, others don’t like their cocks bathed in spit) but w/e it is,, COMMUNICATE. ON GOD COMMUNICATE. good, healthy sex only works with communication and ofc it works both ways

actually want to give head. like i can’t stress this enough, but if you don’t genuinely enjoy sucking some dick - he’s not going to enjoy it and neither are you. just because he’s the one getting pleasure, doesn’t mean you can’t too. if you’re honestly into sucking cock, then you’ll get as much pleasure out of it as he will. also get into the headspace of giving head: i.e. if you don’t wanna do it, don’t. you have no obligation to suck a man off and if you do? go wild and show him you’re enjoying it

foreplay. on gOD u need foreplay. don’t just swallow his dick that’s counter-intuitive like - yes u want him to eventually raw ur throat (if ur into that) but BUILD UP TO IT. use your hands, your lips, your tongues. pump his shaft, give him teasing licks, kiss his cock - like whatever it is - FOREPLAY. like yes head is considered foreplay but u gotta warm up pregame pregame if ygm. also sometimes ur not always gonna have penetrative sex - some people can’t - so like, treat whatever you’re doing as endgame and whatever you do before is the foreplay.

work ur wAY SLOWLY. nothing is hotter than being a tease and getting him worked up before u give him that good sloppy toppy. start at the top and kiss and lick his slit (if u can stomach the taste and if his dick is clean,,, but tbh if his dick ain’t clean don’t suck him off till he cleans it smh nasty ass) and then slowly take him into your mouth. only take as much as you want/are comfortable. unless you’re into gagging/choking on cock/are used to deepthroating, you wanna go slow. unless ur like uno, just tryna get a good throat fucking in which go wild and let him use your mouth (ONLY IF U WANNA !!)

i hope u know about erogenous zones because USE THEM. if you don’T KNOW THEM LEARN THEM. some erogenous zones for men: their frenulum (like the underside of the penis) is super sensitive, also their balls ofc, their head usually too and ofc their perineum (base of their balls). but obviously, these aren’t the only places, i’m not gonna go into detail but like i knew one guy who has sensitive inner thighs and u can see where i’m going with this. but anyway  - lick, touch, kiss w/e all these areas - use them to ur advantage.

this may be stupid but USE YOUR TONGUE. USE IT. ON GOD USE IT. JUST SUCKING IS BORING. YOU NEED VARIETY. alternate between long and short strokes, change the pace, go from straight strokes to circular ones, and also change the pattern - hell use your tongue to draw shapes on his dick for all i care (actually drawing the alphabet or numbers or random geometric shapes on/around his head will do wonders). the tongue is a super agile muSCLE AND U WILL USE IT. also if u can manage, while he’s actually in your mouth, to move your tongue against his cock? 12/10

only do whatever you’re comfortable doing - but also don’t be afraid to test your limits. i didn’t start having sex with a choking/gagging kink and i definitely didn’t start enjoying with my face being fucked. but i did gradually build up to it and found out i thoroughly enjoyed it. but not everyone will - and that’s okay and that’s valid. like i said, blowjobs are just as much for your pleasure as his and if you’re not comfortable or enjoying - say something. if you wanna try something new, also say something. if you want ur partner to hold your hair and fuck your throat - let him know. if you don’t want that - also let him know.

i have more tips but these are the main ones. like jdnfefoe i can’t believe i’ve done this but yolo,,,, happy dick sucking xxx

[caramara3]

So I thought I would go ahead and give you guys a full on thread on my date Friday night and where things stand as of now.

So first things first, we matched on the dating app Hinge but in what can only be described as pure coincidence, we both work for the same school district (he's an assistant principal for one of our elementary schools)!!

Friday afternoon, he stopped by my job to pick up some more COVID supplies and asked me out to dinner, which I said yes to (obvi). But it came with a condition: I had to come workout with him.

😐😐😐

I hate working out. Working out hates me. It's an equal share of hatred between us. And yea yea I know that I'm a veteran (once a Marine, always a Marine blah blah blah) but if you ain’t noticed, most of us are fat and happy.

But I said "hey what the hell might as well." Least it'll give me a reason to wear my good workout pants that enhance my 🍑 (which he 👀👀👀👀 HARD).

We do our workout, shower up (not together ya pervs 😝), then head out to dinner. The entire time at dinner we're talking and getting to know more about each other and yall... the way this man talks about everything; his goals, his passions, his life and everything he's gone to be where he is today, he spoke with such passion and intelligence but never talked down to me or at anything I had to say.

This was a man, not a manchild with multiple red flags and baby mamas.

After dinner, we head back to his apartment and we're just chilling, watching a movie, talking more (smoked a little 🤫). It was amazing and wonderful and just so ☺☺☺

And when he kissed me with those pillow soft lips of his, my heart fluttered. AND WHEN HE USED THOSE HANDS TO LIFT MY HOBBIT ASS INTO HIS LAP, A BITCHES PANTIES NEEDED FEMA.

But... nothing beyond making out happened. I didnt want to move too fast and for this to be something that would be only about my body and about sex. I've moved too fast all the time on guys (not men, just straight up douches) and always end up hurt so i didn't wanna take that risk.

And yall...

THIS. MAN. RIGHT. HERE.

I swear he was tryna get husband'ed down right then and there!!

He respected my wishes and told me straight up that I am more than just my body and he wants more than just my body. My mind, my soul, my heart...

(Seriously yall, somebody should've called FEMA for my panties. They were soaked!!)

So we cuddled a bit longer, then fell asleep, woke up, started making out again and well...

Like Tabitha Brown would say, what happened next was and is "MY BUSINESS." 🤣🤣🤣

Now to where we stand as of now.

We've been texting all weekend long, saw each other last night, and have already made plans to continue seeing more of one another a lot more. 😊😊😊

But yea that's all. I haven't stopped smiling and being all sunshine and rainbows and fluffy pink unicorns all weekend!!