#which was def not helping my case. so i forced myself to start calling them hot and sexy LOL and it worked in the long run...

[rorsry]

sometimes i still think about (when i id'd as a gay man and) how bad my internalized homophobia was. i didn't even realize until i forced myself to work on it. i used to feel disgusting for calling guys hot bevause it felt. Bad. like i wasn't allowed to think men were sexually attractive to me least i be a sex hungry monster. that shits crazy

[happy-ramm]

Hi!

First of all: Thank you very much, I really appreciate all of your input on the current rammstein situation and I’d totally say I agree!

The situation is fucked.

I just want to add some of my thoughts about all of this, if that’s ok:

Let’s start with: I hate it here.

I hate what this debate does to the bigger image of the band: they are in the process of becoming a tool to express hate towards women and the general idea of feminism. There are misogynists, fans of this red pill ideology ‘defending’ Till by simply calling the women who came forward with allegations slurs. And there are fanaccounts sharing these videos like “go watch it, big recommendation” … you’re like ten seconds in and the dude in the video calls a woman “bitch”/“hoe” because he has ‘evidence’ that she might be lying? Shut up, Sherlock and maybe let some professional investigator do their job?

Who do they think they’re helping with that? It’s ridiculous, really embarrassing and not helpful at all imho.

This antifa-incident now also gives a lot of rather right winged people (Nazis lol) the opportunity to slide in the comment section of posts about it and spread hate of the political left as a whole and force their ideas of “the lefts being the new facists” on everyone. This connection is also very nice for all those journalists out there who love discussing rammstein as nazis! And also veeeery nice for the current political situation in Germany! much wow. I’m so done. (Also quick advice to all the activists out there: if you feel like vandalism, maybe rather write ‘no stage for Nazis’ on some buildings that are owned by ‘Alternative für Deutschland’?)

(These right winged accounts also really often show their homophobia - which I find quite ironic given the fact that rammstein eg waved pride flags in poland and their guitarists kissing on stage like every concert now but ok)

Id def consider myself somewhere on the spectrum of the political left and I also think that one can (and should) read rammsteins appearance in their political songs in this context.

My point being: there are now a lot of people interested in rammstein who seem to actually have nothing in common with their world view? It just makes me really uncomfortable and I hope that once this is over they’ll loose their interest in the band again.

I’ve been to three rammstein concerts and one of Lindemanns shows - until now everything was ok and we met some nice people. (Even tho the Lindemann Show was a rather weird, unique experience in general but that’s sth different) .. all in all I’d say my (female passing) friends and I were having a good time and everything was ok.

But with all of this, with the chance that the amount of these kinds of really bad people being interested in rammstein and as a result maybe also attending the concerts is growing - I might be afraid of going to another one (if there will be another tour?) and no, not because of Till Lindemann.

Sorry for the late repsonse Anon! I was moving house!

In general, though, I share a lot of your concerns. Situations such as this one are tricky because what is ultimately the dealings between two people and their own feelings/experiences of the matter gets submitted to the greater public for their judgement. Politics, laws, personal morals and agendas all get dumped in one big pot to boil over and eventually fester. It is all very confusing...and then out pops something nasty. In this case, the misogynistic right wing.

Frankly, I am not surprised that the right-wing has found a little nest within the Rammstein fandom. I do not say that because I believe Rammstein harbours any sympathies with that ideology - I like you firmly believe them to be a left-leaning band - but simply because people's media literacy skills are in general....ah, how to say this politely?....ah yes, they are fuckin' shit.

Rammstein is a band that rewards those willing to look deeper; those who love satire and those who simply have a good sense of humour. Unfortunately, they also appeal to those who really like when things go BANG.

Now, I also like when things go bang, don't get me wrong - pure sensation can never be underrated in terms of art. However, its a matter of aesthetics versus text. A reasonable person would conclude that these can't be separated: their interaction, whether it be complimentary or contrasting, creates the meaning. In the case of Rammstein, however, there exists a neat line, formed due to the language barrier between the band and the general audience.

This barrier has benefitted Rammstein - I believe they would not have gotten so far if their content was in English, for instance, but it means there are too many who only see "the picture".

The hardness. The hypermasculinity. The violence. The sexual imagery. The stoicism. The evocation of fascism. And all without the crucial framing of the lyrics.

Even when the satire should be self-evident, many miss the cue. Take Links 234 as an example: a song which functions as a politically rally for the left, specifically against the right, and was constructed in response to a reactionary media who sought controversy and not understanding, has ended up as a right-wing marching song in many minds.

It is very frustrating

Even more frustrating is deciding how to deal with this....

Argue with every idiot you see on the internet? Now, that's a Sisyphean task.

Leave the fandom altogether? Well, that feels like a different kind of defeat.

Realistically speaking, there is no silver bullet. One decides what is best for themselves. Personally, I feel no fear participating in the fandom as a queer AFAB person. Reality is different from the online spaces and I have never felt uncomfortable at their concerts, and when online, the block button is a blessing. I have no idea how this recent controversy is going to change the demographic of the Rammstein fandom, but I know I ain't going to fuckin budge to leave space for some Nazi twat. All I can say is, I hope this situation is resolved quickly, and I hope all Nazis die in a fuckin' fire.

That is all.

[the-redeemed-anon]

Another day another post including c!Wilbur in big bad manipulators list with c!Dream and c!Quackity and i go "huh, is he tho?"

Like genuienly i would want to know, bc to me at least all like c!Wilburs "attempts at manipulation" were like.. blandly obvious and not that well executed?

Not enough to secure him the position of a Big Bad Manipulator Who had an Overarching Big Plan Before This Specific Interaction and Knows What He's Doing.

Bc most ppl who call Wilbur a manipulator point to this quote here

“Tommy, literally have you not noticed? Everyone who’s claiming to be on our side, they’re lying to us! Tubbo?! He’s lying to you man! He would drop us at the second he realises we’re not in the lead anymore!”

But like... this is like clearly c!Wilbur having a paranoid breakdown and unloading all the stress fear and worries that got progressively worse during pogtopia to c!Tommy. c!Tommy def didn't have tools to handle that and like shoudnt be expexted to but its not manipulative?? Of c!Wilbur?? At all??

Like the only two instances that i remember that like can be called manipulative is maybe this??

“It’s nothing, it’s nothing important. I just wanted to say that- I think you can come back from what you’ve said, you know. I’m just saying now, there is a chance that you could be President, you know, you could be- you could definitely get an executive power in the remains of L’Manberg. You could definitely be a leader of that, I have no issue with that. But, you need to understand that you’re gonna have to get on my good side, and I, you know.”

And the recent stone collection thing with c!tommy?

Im asking bc i can be blantly missing something but? I dont think i am?

- Music Anon!

Music Anon, you're back with another interesting topic!

Okay so I may have another perspective than most on the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene because, as I've said before, I have paranoid thoughts, so, for me, it's much much easier to put myself in Wilbur's shoes in that moment.

So, as far as I remember in Pogtopia, I would coin Wilbur's behaviour as persuasive. He was trying to persuade Tommy to his side, something that Tommy was free to ignore and not accept. Manipulation and persuasion are very tricky to tell apart, because it's two things that are very similar, and you can't tell them apart that easily. You know how all squares are rectangles, but not all rectangles are squares? Same thing here. All manipulation is persuasive, but not all persuasion is manipulative. There is a fine line between the two.

I googled it before I wanted to respond to this ask, but from what I gathered, you can tell persuasion from manipulation by these factors: coercion, withholding of truth and intention.

I want to compare Wilbur's case with our most blatant example of manipulation, Dream. Especially since it's centered on the same character, Tommy:

Coercion. The Dictionary defines the term "coercion" as "the use of force to persuade someone to do something that they are unwilling to do". I do not remember any moment in Pogtopia where Tommy was forced to act against what he wanted to do. The way he spoke to Tommy was always open to Tommy rejecting his ideas, which happened quite a lot. It's another thing if later, Tommy, of his own volition, agreed to what Wilbur wanted, like blowing up Manberg at the Festival.

Dream, on the other hand, we see it a lot in Exile. The threats to Tommy's life. The hitting. He was forcing Tommy to stay in Logsted and give up his gear. That's one box ticked for Dream, zero for Wilbur so far.

Withholding of truth. Here I am as stumped as you are. I want someone, who thinks that the "Then let's be the bad guys" scene is manipulative, to tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth. The President line? this one? [“Tommyinnit, you’re scared that people are gonna think differently of you. Tommy, when I said you’re never gonna be president, you gotta understand, that wasn’t a challenge, that’s true. You’re never gonna be president, Tommy. And I can hear it in your voice, you’re trying sound like you know what you’re doing, so that you can prove me wrong. Tommy, none of us know what we’re doing. We’re fucked, we were fucked the minute we were thrown out.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 19:39)] or these? [“That guy Tubbo? You know? We love Tubbo… but he’s not on our side, is he? Let’s be honest. We act like he is, like, everyone’s always how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:12:57, 8th Oct)], [“Everyone’s always saying how like, oh it’s crazy how everyone’s against Schlatt. No one’s against Schlatt. Everyone’s pulling the biggest ruse on us. Literally, they’ve got us all by the fucking scruff of our necks.” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 17:59)], [“Tubbo’s like, ‘I’ll be your spy!’. And then we’ve got like Fundy who’s like saying to everyone’s twitch chats that he’s gonna revolt against us. And you’ve got Eret giving us fucking potatoes, that say fucking ‘I’m gonna be friends with you’. It’s bullshit! It’s all bullshit!” - (Wilbur’s video Am I the Villain?: 18:09)] Honestly someone tell me where Wilbur is withholding the truth here. I do not see it. He's just stating his opinion. I am someone who was around in Season 1, I watched Wilbur's POV only and I swear I thought too that Tubbo was a double agent for Manberg. I was sure of it. This is just Wilbur laying out his reasons to be paranoid and things he considers as true and his own opinions on matters. Opinions are not lies or truths. Telling Tommy that he will never be President, in his opinion, isn't a lie or the truth. It's just an opinion.

Meanwhile over in Dream's camp... Dream did withhold the truth. He lied about Tubbo's Compass, he lied about the Invitations, all of this he did to get Tommy to his lowest, to make him think that he is his only friend. This is the second box ticked for Dream, still none for Wilbur.

Intention. Here I need to talk about what paranoia is. Paranoia, to me, is a way of thinking fueled by fear. Wilbur's paranoia started because of the Final Control Room. Eret's betrayal deeply affected him, we can see it in quotes like this: [“Anyone caught in the crossfire is caught in the crossfire. That’s how it goes, you know? Eret especially, he is the most clear, the most clear cut traitor of them all. He was a traitor from the very get go. I have no, I have no remorse offing Eret.” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:41:22, 8th Oct)] Wilbur's paranoia started from a betrayal, therefore, Wilbur's paranoia is centered on people backstabbing him. Of course he would start spiraling into a rant about how everyone is out to get him. Especially after believing his own son betrayed him. So, why tell that to Tommy? Simple, really. I personally do it, too: he was reaching out for support. When I have doubt about my train of thought, I go to someone I trust, and they help me by walking me through it, to figure out if my thinking was rational or if it was paranoia. I think this is what he was trying to do with Tommy, because he trusted Tommy, but also it was an attempt of keeping him safe. I have talked before in my Eight analysis that Wilbur is a naturally protective person. I think Wilbur was attempting in part to shield Tommy from another shock from betrayal, attempt which didn't get across to Tommy. Tommy was and is a teenager and even back then he had his own worries. He just didn't have the resources to help Wilbur, or even understand what he was going through, and he can't be blamed, and while the scene may have been scary for him, I do not think Wilbur had malicious intent with it.

Meanwhile, Dream had malicious intent. He did what he did in an attempt to isolate Tommy, to make him feel alone, so he could swoop in and mold him into thinking he was his friend. This ticks off the last box, Dream was manipulating Tommy, while Wilbur was trying to be persuasive.

While I agree that Wilbur is dipping into manipulative territory with the stone bit, I would say that doesn't make him stand in the line-up of manipulators alongside Dream or Quackity. I do agree however that he is a big persuader and his power lies in how he uses words to convince others to agree with him and join him on a cause (as discussed above, this is not necessarily manipulation). I hope this analysis helped out!

As always, the quotes are from @kateis-cakeis' masterlist of Ghostbur/Wilbur quotes. It’s a goldmine of a resource for analyzing Wilbur and I highly encourage you to check it out.

[kaypeace21]

DID theory part 3: St novels/comics/spotify list analyses

*read part 2  of DID theory-first! You’ll be lost otherwise, seriously XD. First, I’ll say -I find the ST comics/ books as canon as the st movie inspirations . I don’t consider the books/comics ‘literal canon’ (cause they contradict the show ( like Max and billy meeting a year before s2  in runaway max - but meeting as little kids in s3,  or El’s age being wrong in suspicious minds, in the d&D comic Will’s friends instead of him /Jonathan building castle byers, etc) . 

So I think we shouldn’t take it  literally - but more like the st movie lists - filled with foreshadowing/symbolism and other eastereggs (That the Duffers may have told them to add). So here’s some more (possible) alter / DID hints...

‘Suspicious minds’ novel

- Brenner  equates k*lling rabbits to h*rting kids. And he’ll hurt (kid) Kali (the bunny in the analogy) if Terry tries running away from him . I wonder if Lonnie used a similar threat against jonathan? Jon could be giving only a partial truth to why he cried for a week (about the bunny story)?

-Kali “hops” like a bunny then talks about tigers obsessively (linking her to rabbits/tigers similar to the other alters/Will/Lonnie). Terry also imagines tigers and kali says to Alice they can all be tigers together.

- one of the only male psychic experiments (who can see the future) is gay

- Terry is into lord of the rings, like Will. Has her and her boyfriend dress as sam & frodo (m/m ship). Terry calls her and her friends “the fellowship”.

-when Terry/Alice were injected with d**gs -they hallucinated rainbows.yikes.

- Alice (like Lonnie) is a car mechanic. She can see the future like Will the wise and says “monsters of course my mind has them as long as they stayed in there, everything would be alright? Wouldn’t it?” (in her visions she saw the demogorgan).

 (completed) graphic ST novels (by Jody Hozer) so far  (+ other st comics).

*Jody Hozer writes all the graphic novels (every novel is 4 chapters each) - the will byers comic, number 6 comic , into the fire comic, and at the moment she’s writing the d&d series and the summer camp series (which isn’t done yet). Then there’s the occasional 1 chapter st comics not written by her.

- Number 6 has (the ability to foresee the future like Will the wise/Alice) and has an ab*sive dad. 

When having a nightmare of the demogorgan ...she says as she wakes up “screw you dad” (another hint the demogrgan -aka in d&d means ‘deep father’ ...is Lonnie).

- when number 6 and others run they say they’re’ “rabbiting”(which yes technically makes sense but I found such an uncommon phrase odd.)

- The (summer camp and d&d graphic novels aren’t completed yet) but they establish d&d creatures are based off  real life people the boys don���t like in real life. Or that d&d is used as an outlet to explain true events from their pasts -but they just give the true stories a d&d fantasy slant.

- Which brings me to the halloween oneshot(not by Hozer),taking place before s1. Will tells a scary story told to him by Jonathan, and originally told to him by Lonnie. Says the boys have to keep it a secret cause it was something he was never supposed to tell to anyone. Mike says he has to finish the story he started. It’s about a “ch*lld-eater” monster first attacking a boy near the quarry (like where Will was found) and  attacking kids in a library (where Will was also found in s1).When the child sees the sheriff she bangs on the library door begging for help-he ignores her , walks away, and tells the other cops to never speak of what they saw as she screams for help. Because the previous sheriff was in kahoots with the monster. It def had some ... uh questionable imagery too 0_0

The vine in the mouth is also like the one in Will’s mouth (when Joyce found him in the library).And of course Dustin asks whether or not something like that could be covered up.

- In the “bully  comic” (about troy) also not by Jody. We focus on Troy and his ab*sive dad (who encourages him to fight/ditch his best friend). The dad has a drinking problem (gets fired), calls Troy a “mess” , pushes him, and constantly encourages Troy to be vi*lent/macho. He pretty much tries sabotaging the relationship Troy has with his friend (which I could see Lonnie doing in the future with byler).The dad/troy is framed similarly to when Billy gives Max a ride home-  after both ab*sers give bad advice saying not to hang out with their friend (after witnessing them fight in the school parking lot). Dad also laughs about almost k*lling a squirrel (a trait we see troy mimic)- and we see El feel guilty about k*lling a squirrel in s2. At the end of the comic- Troy (like Will) after making up with his bff james- moves leaving his best friend behind.

-  (into the fire) Twins: (one was normal with no powers living in the real world and the twin with fire powers is trapped in a dark sunless “cold” world styled like a psych facility/medieval fantasy) . pics in link.She hated her reflection cause it reminded her of being betrayed by her normal non powered twin who left her behind in the ‘cold’ place. She’d call herself a ‘hunter’ who would defend herself and attack others to never be hurt again. Her powers being unleashed were described like opening “a door.” And she loves her twin deep down and just wants friends . And fire twin goes to the “other side” to reunite with her reflection and find happiness in the real world. *also there’s sunflower/bunny symbols which she lights on fire-which can relate back to Will/Terry/Lonnie etc. The twins = Will & Will the wise (mf)

Mirrors also connect to Will and Will the wise via the canon spotify playlists too.

Will playlist (song: mirror in the bathroom)-Mirror in the bathroom Please talk free.The door is locked -Just you and me.Mirror in the bathroom recompense for all my crimes of self defense.Cures you whisper make no sense!Drift gently into Mental illness.

Demogorgan playlist ( from perspective of Will the wise aka the mf) (song: are you dead yet? )-”polluted soul through a mirror I behold.Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor. tearing me apart. but I don't care anymore.Should I regret or ask myself are you dead yet?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth. The fiction you live in blindfolds your eyes. Disclosure, self loathing, this time you've gone too far.Or could it be, my nemesis, that you are me?

(*st ‘into the fire’ comic. the fire powered twin’s thoughts echo the song)

*I think this foreshadows the later plot points of mf (will the wise ) and Will interacting via mirrors. The fire-wielding twin and the non powered twin had a lot of mirror imagery. Including the fire powered twin (Who denies reality/and imagines herself in a fantasy world) punching her reflection because it reminds her of her non-powered twin. Here’s some cover art from the novels showing how much they emphasize mirrors.

*And in s4 movies Black swan - “the black and white swan twins (two halves of the same person-Nina)” had creepy mirror imagery. In long kiss goodnight the women with DID talks to her “ (supposed)dark 1/2″  via a mirror (in a dream).  in ‘the visit’ the teen girl who’s dad abandoned her when young-  refuses to look in the mirror (and it’s never explained why she hates her reflection). So yes I think we’ll see this in s4 or 5. We already see the mf take on the appearance of Billy when talking to him.

- Will in “zombie boy” comic is afraid he’s a monster.

also lets appreciate the lil byler moment of Mike and Will being the only zombies and mike comforting him. honestly , though, the characters were pretty out of character for most of this 1 ch comic (until the end) tbh.

- in the “d&d comic” mf is  (possibly) described as a “protector” (aka like how i said the mf is probably a perpetrator alter- which are misguided protectors).

*update now that it’s finished... hinting Will created everything subconsciously.

‘Runaway Max’ novel (before s3)

(I didn’t get time to read this book unlike ‘suspicious minds’ -so can’t show screen shots of everything others talked about. May read it eventually)

-Max compares Billy  to ‘her monster’ and a ‘shadow’ that will attack anyone that comes close (mf parallel).

- Dart k*lled a cat,  El’s papa tried to force her to k*ll a cat. And Billy when seeing a d*ad cat lights it on fire for a “viking funeral”. A connection to WW (who has fire powers) and El & dart.

-Max and Billy both are into cars and bond over fixing them (similar to Lonnie’s interest in fixing up cars). And since Lonnie tried to brag to Jonathan about fixing a car up and Will is into tech it wouldn’t be a stretch that Lonnie and Will were into fixing cars together (like Max/billy who would hang out at a autoshop in Cali) .  Similar to Will ,max says hanging with Billy wasn’t always so bad- which made things more confusing to her.

- Max compares Billy being beat up by Neil: to ‘punching a pocket of a baseball glove’. This is interesting since this book was pre-s3 which was when they established the connection of billy and his dad to baseball (similar to s1 saying  Lonnie taught Will baseball).

-Billy’s friend is a nice ‘music snob’ . He tries distracting Max with music while Billy is burning the cat. Which reminds me of Jonathan trying to distract Will from their parents fighting in the next room-with music

- Max’s bio dad is a criminal who takes her to shady bars, and Max fears he’d ‘get bored of her’. Max also ran away from her mom to her dad’s 2x.Which reminds me of Jonathan thinking Will ran to Lonnie’s in s1.

-Max mentions how Billy misses his friends after moving out of Cali. And he starts acting even worse-after the move. Which will probably be the case for Will (at least a bit) when moving to California.

-Billy tells Max Neil isn’t his ‘real dad’ either because Neil can’t be a father to anyone.

-Billy also tells Max who (at the time ) is 12 years old not to act “easy” and breaks her best friend’s (Nate’s) arm over  someone joking he was Max’s boyfriend and also cause Nate tried to get in between Billy bullying Max. Eventually all her Cali friends ditch her cause they’re afraid of Billy.And Ugh- why could I see Lonnie doing something like this in the future with Will/his new friends. 

- Creepily Max says Billy doesn’t fool around with her like other girls not because of her age or being family. But cause she wasn’t ‘attractive’. This whole excerpt gave me the heeby jeebies,on so many levels, honestly.  Almost like he’s jealous- and controlling her cause he doesn’t want Max to have any love interests. Maybe i’m just missing the context? But ugh... excerpt:

Will byers secret Files

-Hopper gets scared by a pumpkin-scarecrow. And in Will’s canon journal when talking about the mindflayer and his nightmares draws the same scare-crow , Hopper saw. There’s also a lot of s4-5 foreshadowing in the book... but that’s a post for another day.

Darkness on the edge of town (Hopper novel)

*didn’t get time to read this (except the preview)

 I think it’s more foreshadowing for future seasons though- cult/supposed ritual k*llings, people being wrongly blamed for those crimes-like the hellfire club , most likely.  (similar to the guy number 3 in the number 6 comic)  saint john in the novel also has the same brain control powers as 3- similar to the mf. .” When a blackout plunges the boroughs into chaos, Hopper must escape the the mobs in the streets to make sure his family is safe and stop Saint John from fulfilling his prophecy.” I already talked about here- how the next few seasons would start having more religious symbolism/a future apocalypse (based on what we’ve seen in the show/s4 movies). Although, i think there’s quite a few differences between (the novel’s) saint john and Will the wise. Hopper is also a star wars nerd like the boys (alter hint)

Canon spotify songs (posted after s2/before s3) hinting at DID/ alter /lonnie stuff-

Will  and Will the wise (aka the mf) being an alter

*Used Will and the demogorgan playlist (which i think has perspectives of Will the wise aka the mf, demogorgan, and Lonnie).

Besides the mirror songs previously mentioned...

Will (cold inside)-Doctor the problem's in my chest.My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess?Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mind. Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mindWell it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside. Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside...Counselor give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life?

El (ghost)-your ghost, the ghost of you.It keeps me awake.My friends had you figured out.Yeah they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you.But your evil was coming through... living in the shade Your cold heart makes my spirit shake.

El (monster Lead me home)-I don't know what, what I was afraid of, I was afraid oooof...Monster take me somewhere...We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.Where there is no place to hide.Stranger on the other side We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.

 The’ innerworld’/  other hints Max, El, Hopper, and Billy are alters of Will’s

Max (Logical song)-I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am?

EL(Buzzcut season)-I remember when your head caught flame It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain ...nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you Where all the things that we do for fun . Play along (make-believe it's hyper real) But I live in a hologram with you.

Billy (broken bones)-Broken bones.Stay alone. If I see only what I believe -reality's bound by what I conceive

Max (Why can’t i touch it)-Well, it seems so real.I can see it.And it seems so real-I can feel it.And it seems so real-I can taste it.And it seems so real-I can hear it.So why can't I touch it?

Hopper (breakers)-Just to keep me from losing my mind .It's so easy to drown in the dream.Oh, and everything is not what it seems This life is but a dream.Shatter illusions that hold your spirit down ...From the inside, so it seems.Oh, I'm telling you it's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a It's all a dream.”

Max (comfortably numb)-When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.I turned to look but it was gone.I cannot put my finger on it now.The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably numb.

Max (Kids aren’t alright)-Still it's hard Hard to see Fragile lives, shattered dreams...What the hell is going on? The cruelest dream, reality.

El(team)-Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team

Hopper (denial twist) ( just change ‘she’ to ‘he’)-Just because she makes you feel wrong she don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy!Take a tip and do yourself a little service...by playing a different role Ya, by playing a different role, oh.The boat ya you know she's rockin' it.And the truth well ya know there's no stoppin' it.So what, somebody left you in a rut and wants to be the one who's in control.But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder.How the hell she can be so cold?So now you're mad, denying the truth.And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth

El (the story)-You see the smile that's on my mouth.It's hiding the words that don't come out.And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.They don't know my head is a mess.No they don't know who I really am.And they don't know what I've been through

El (hero) ( pretty much alludes to El being a construct of Will’s mind similar to his juju zombies in the d&d story he wrote )-Who knows what you'll find when you look inside (billy’s mind)?Haunted beach (billy flashback), roll the dice.The zombies in the corner aren't amused (d&d ref).Play the part of the blushing bride...Out of view, cloaked by night...My spirit dims, but I feel the force"No longer in my hands,"  (loses powers) .I say to you .I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero.Could've been all these thingsI could've been nothing, I could've had something.Could've been all these things.And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try but underneath the table will spin the wheel and hope for gold. Oh, and where it stops, nobody knows.

Max (it’s real)-I don't know who's behind the wheel.Sometimes I feel like I don't know The deal.But when I tell you how I feel-Believe me when I say It's real.I skated on a frozen Sea.It's real as far as I Can see?

Max (Halloween)-Because your role is planned for you there's nothing you can do.

El (White rabbit... alice and wonderland/lonnie ref)-And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall...When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.

demogrogan(Dimensions of horror)-Gaze upon the ancient face you dread (lonnie)... Passing through the doors, into Dimensions Of Horror. Haunting visions from the past, rise once more.Realms of darkness, terror, death and gore.Scream in fear, your sanity is lost

demogorgan (SCHORCHED)-Terrorizing madness. Vivid dreams. internal. Hallucinating the unknown. Abstract entities prey.Through superhuman abilities.Fragments of memory erased.

demogrogan (Calling from a dream)-the shadow king...seven spirits (7 ref) Swarming around his head.Close your eyes.Listen to my call. Our bond will bring us together again.I will wait for you. For our hearts still beat as one.Listen to my calling from a dream. (integration?)

 Maybe a coincidence or a hint at Will having both male &female alters?Billy (dude looks like a lady)- What a funky lady...Oh, he was a lady.Dude looks like a lady. Hopper (turn the page)-All the same old cliches,"Is that a woman or a man?" Max ( rebel rebel) (this was on her her pre s3 spotify list + post s3 “wrapped list”)- you got your mother in a whirl, doesn’t know if you’re a boy or girl? 

 SHIT DAD/ AB*SIVE FAMILY

*trigger w*rning ahead for dark themes like s**ual ab*se

demogorgan (my children)My children I never loved them.Why feel that way when their existence is my business?My children...feral vessals of my selfinterest...So don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.Don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.My children they're right behind you My children they're gonna beat you.My children if you let them Oh, oh, my children.

demogorgan (black dahlia-window):  I’m not quoting the lyrics you can just look it up.  it’s messed up.Based on the 1st person pov of Gilles de Rais -k**ler and p*d*rest who also kidnapped a cleric.

Will (creature comfort)-Some boys hate themselves.Spend their lives resenting their fathers... hate their bodies .Stand in the mirror (another mirror ref) and wait for the feedback.Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch.

Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling LIES.”

Jonathan’s playlist-Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of LIARS and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”

Jonathan (The killing moon-guy sings this)-So soon you'll take me up in your arms. Too late to beg you or cancel it. Against your will!He will wait until you give yourself to him...In starlit nights I saw you.So cruelly you kissed me... unwillingly mine.

jonathan (haunted)-You and I both know that the house is haunted And you and I both know that the ghost is me. You used to catch me in your bed-sheets just a-rattling your chains.Well back then , it didn't seem so strange...In the midnight hour..I was busy trying to charm that snake. When the sun came up we had no place to hide...You and I both know that the house is haunted  yeah you and I both know that the ghost is YOU! You used to walk around screaming, all slamming all 'dem doors Well I'm all grown up now and I don't scare easy no more But you and I both know.

Hopper (Confession)-Now I'm on the low Confession, to a virgin ghost Admission, force you know.

hopper (Tomorrow ) Yeah, and back when s*x and amph*tamines were the staples of our childhood physique.

Max (Last caress)-I got something to say.I k**led your baby today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as it's de*d.Well I got something to say.I r*ped your mother today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as she spread. (Lonnie pov? Neil?messed up song to be on Max’s list)

hopper House of the rising sun- And my father was a gamblin' man Way down in New Orleans... And the only time he's satisfied Is when he's on a drunk

Max Poor relations-An attitude, no patience, he's paper thin.Talking over everything you have to say...Don't correct the things he said, what's the use?Can't handle violence.Can't handle violence.Learning to love the abuse you can't live without.Your familiar oppression, your daily injustice...That loser man that belongs to you, he's ruling you.

el (sweet dreams are made of this)- Some of them want to use you ...Some of them want to ab*se you.Sweet dreams are made of this...Hold your head up.Keep your head up, movin' on.

Max (Alternative ulster)-They say they're a part of you.And that's not true, you know.They say they've got control of you.And that's a lie, you know.They say you will never Be free, free, free

max In bloom-”Sometimes at night I let it get to me.And last night it had me down and feeling NUMB...And thinking back upon those days Way way back when I was young.I was such a little shit.Cos I was always on the run.Well you know just what they say-Just like father then like son.Don't delude me with your sympathy.Cos I can do this on my own.And this will be the last time-That I break down and wanna crawl to bed. “(since Billy has a playlist I found this song choice being on hers instead of his interesting- in fact almost all of Max’s songs are from the 1st person perspective of a boy unlike the other gals.)

Max (comfortably numb)-The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably NUMB.

hopper (numb)-Honey, here I go again Down that crooked road of sin.My momma locked me out again And hung me high to rust under the rain I am NUMB( 8x)....Little bluebird at my window Sing a pretty song for me Don't you know that you can fly, fly, fly away Don't you know that you can leave I am numb.

other psych songs

Hopper (life of sin)-Every morning when I rise I look in the mirror (another mirror ref) and despise the sight of everything and all that I've become. The level of my medicating some might find intimidating But that's alright cause' it don't bother me none.

 Max (Moon over marin)- “Dive in my scalding wooden tub (connects to mf/el)...There, wasn't that a nice visit?Don't forget, a psychiatrist is on duty twenty-four hours a day in the blue room...Drink plenty of water when you take these.Now you can relax.” ( I wonder if stranger writers saying to “drink plenty of water” is secretly a line said by a psych person in s4?)

Max (Feeling ok)-My doctor says that I should take it -At least I won't have to keep faking.I know, someday I'll find it-Where I, I least expect it.Today I know I feel ok.

Max ( Going gets tough)-.No home since the fire.Me and the ash can't settle down...So I sink another round-Placebo for pain.And there's no one for to blame . I refuse to accept-That my work is all in vain...Still always remembering .When the going gets tough .That the labor of our love-Will reward us soon enough.

 Max (Comfortably numb)-Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)Is there anybody in there?Just nod if you can hear me.Is there anyone home?Come on now-I hear you're feeling down.Well I can ease your pain .Get you on your feet again.Relax // Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain . you would not understand.This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.I have become comfortably numb //Okay (okay, okay, okay)Just a little pinprick.There'll be no more, ah .But you may feel a little sick.Can you stand up?I do believe it's working, good.That'll keep you going through the show.Come on it's time to go// Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.

Explanations of Why the mf  (WIll the wise)behaves the way he does

demogorgan (ww) (Cowards starved)- friends think of me as a priest.I had to show them that the weakest hands Can still make impressive fires. (aka MF = will the wise)

demogorgan (ww) (Unmerciful):I will be reborn...Tranquil demeanor.Now devoured.Surfacing malice...I can't reconcile the torment others bring unto me.I will not take any reproach.Turning the other cheek.Relentless hatred consumes.Control released.Absolved of all compassion.I am free .Look into my hate filled eyes and tell me What do you see?Surging aura of my rage Paralyzing you in fear.

Demogorgan (ww) (bodies-Beaten why for (why for)?Can't take much more.(Here we go, here we go, here we go).One, nothing wrong with me,Two, nothing wrong with me.Three, nothing wrong with me.Four, nothing wrong with me.One, something's got to give.Two, something's got to give.Three, something's got to give now...You're all by yourself but you're not alone...Driven by hate consumed by fear.

demogrgan (ww)-Orbs used as transmitters carry electromagnetic beams from above (affecting magnetic fields in the show).Silence, manipulated, tortured ...How immune is your system of suffering?Its in the blood of suffering (familial ref).Its in the blood.

 Demogrgan (Monster)-I shoot the lights out..Whoa, just another lonely night...None of who you get it, ain't nobody cold as this.A zombie (will ref) with no conscience .Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster. Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is? Love I don't get enough of it.

[danideservedbetter]

Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

[curiosity-killed]

whump-pinions

ty for the tag @veliseraptor​ ^-^ 

Rules:

List your top three whump tropes and tag people.

Whoever gets tagged gets to say how they feel about your top three tropes.

After finishing that, they can list their top three tropes, and the tagging cycle goes on!

and I am stealing Lise’s structure bc it makes much more sense to me than the alternative which means responding to hers and then doing mine ayo

hallucinations — tasty! mostly I like them best if either a) someone else is around to witness them and be horrified by the pain being inflicted on the whumpee or b) they hallucinate someone taking care of them only to come to and realize they are utterly and totally alone ^-^

recapitulation of previous trauma — yiiiiiiiisss. no thoughts, head empty, but yeah I really like the horror, deja-vu-esque feeling of this both when coincidental/accidental and intentional. definitely a fave

field surgery — hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah. my favorite brand is bad field surgery where a) the injury is bad, b) the immediate care sucks but at least makes them think the worst is over, and c) then it gets worse. (yes this is how callebero loses his arm. yes it is one of my favorite things abt that story. no i do not wish to be perceived.)

and then onto my own favorite tropes which LMAO fuck do i know

being silenced & unable to call out — does this count? I say yes. Anyway I really like both the obvious cases (i.e., why I have written fics where wwx, loki, and my own OCs have their mouths or voices literally sealed) and cases where whumpee is otherwise silenced (e.g., threats, trying to be strong for someone else, etc.). I def dig where it’s so they can’t call out for help and so are overlooked/not found, etc., but my favorite is when they can’t even make a noise of pain or discomfort and are somehow forced to be silent while suffering (◕‿◕✿)

chronic pain — hello my old friend who appears in literally everything i write. anyway! i love the sandpaper scourge of years and years of pain, how adjusting for it doesn’t mean truly getting numb to it, the wear and tear on emotions (how exhausting it is to be in constant/near-constant/frequent pain! how it affects your mood and energy and outlook on life), the way other ppl react to realizing/discovering what the whumpee feels like/goes through, the way it can start as kind of a “one-off” event where they’re like okay it’s fine i got thru it and then the slow horror of realizing it never goes away and is a part of them now— AHEM. Yeah. 

having their body puppeted by someone/something else/losing control of their own body — ...not sure this counts but I once again am saying it does. LOVE the horror and grief and revulsion of coming to to realize they’ve done something terrible or been put through something terrible and the like disassociation that separates them from their body/from the things the body has done. there’s just something really delectable about the conscious division of Self and The Body and especially when that includes things like The Body being able to be physically wrecked and put back together again to the point that the whumpee stops rlly thinking of their body/self as a human and more as a thing that can be thrown in the line of fire/ripped apart/etc. and it’s fine no matter how much it hurts because it’ll always be put back together by the thing/person controlling them

....mildly disappointed in myself for being so very predictable and also not being able to accurately determine what counts as whump!

ANYWAY tagging (if ya wanna) @apaladinagain (aka #1 Knife Wielder and also yes this is a callout about arm loss), @givemeunicorns, @demenior, @vyther15

[painted-crow]

Submission time #19

so i’ve been spending the last little bit unburning my lion primary. now i’m sort of lost on secondary? i suspect i have bird in there somewhere but i’m having a hard time separating my natural secondary and a model that i really like and find helpful. (or maybe it’s the now-surprisingly-loud lion primary drive for authenticity coming through?) so if it’s okay with you, i’ll take a crack at some of the quiz questions and see if there’s anything of note? spacing might be weird—i’m on mobile :/

Sure thing!

When you succeed, how influential in that success were the people around you?

my answer to this one depends on the day. yes, they’re extremely influential; no, i don’t always like it. not because i don’t appreciate or need the help but because it got into my head in a funny way growing up. i’ve always been tremendously lucky to have people who love and want to help me, but like... it gets to the point where it feels like i’m nothing on my own. how much of this is a favour? what do i owe you? are you just trying to spare my feelings or because i’m related to someone else? i’m desperate to be able to say (and believe) that i’ve done something for myself on my own terms.

Ooh, okay. So, you've maybe got some caretaker Badgers around you, but that's not you--you don't really value this in yourself, even if it's how the community around you works. If you have any Badger secondary, it's anxious.

Do people consider you charismatic?

charisma is SUCH a concept. it gives off such an animal magnetism, face of the revolution vibe, which is not me at all. i have to work hard to be nice bc most people deserve the benefit of the doubt (as i repress the instinct to be judgy and mean LMAO) and also bc it just works better socially? flies and honey and all that. i also have very specific ways of being nice: “mom friend” and “hypercompetent rookie in line of succession” and “spicy and nonjudgmental confidante” which, granted, are already all parts of my personality just emphasized for clarity. i think of it like... personality colour correction, or... code-switching i guess.

You've literally just described Actor Bird. Also, you're not very nice when you describe yourself, are you?

people tend to like me more than i like me, though, and it catches me a little by surprise every time. maybe it’s just because i live in my own head and it’s a lot quieter and more anxious up here. it does suck a little, suddenly being worried that like “ooh ppl only like what u show them but that’s not how u rlly are”

Lions (primary or secondary) and Actor Bird can really clash... it sounds like you're discovering that your primary doesn't like this tactic as it unburns. Also, I think Bird masks just take a lot of energy if used long term. That might be me though.

so i’ll Sprinkle In Some Light Trauma to gauge the reaction (and regret it immediately). the truth is that not many people make it past the social utility part of friendship and so i don’t rlly... feel safe? putting down the masks which are designed to smooth interactions in any case. (so i guess YES but actually no i’m charismatic but also that’s a very different public facing side)

Yeah, this is all Actor Bird so far. Also, hugs.

Do you like going into situations with a plan?

mmm. i don’t think i plan so much as i attempt to see into the future and force my best outcome. i HATE going in blind—if i can a way around something, i will, but if i can’t it has to at least be a good and sensible attempt. most of the plans i usually put together have coping-mechanism, doodling while on a phone call energy: too granular to ever implement, just something to put order to the things you’re thinking.

This is still lots of Bird energy. Plans don't always look the same, you know? And some of us barely use 'em at all.

like, i do have all my degree requirements and preferred classes listed out, because that’s important and i should have that sorted out correctly before declaring my major. but the hour by hour daily schedule is more of a thing to make me feel in control and like i’ve put the work into considering it.

i’m also a stereotypical nerd: i have an english/history brain, i write a lot, i fall down personality inventory rabbit holes for fun, i pick up random things that end up relevant years later, nothing was as distressing as not being able to read for fun bc university was just Too Much—you know the drill.

I do, but not everyone is like this. You're probably a Bird, and I wonder if you're taking your secondary for granted because you feel like it's expected of you.

but for someone who plans as a coping mechanism, it’s also sometimes the best way to put me off. like i don’t know, being friends, which is the only thing in my life where traditional overthinking would RUIN it absolutely.

i know someone who semi-despairingly refers to herself as machiavellian because she interacts with people like it’s 4D chess.

Huh, so your friends don't talk about themselves very nicely either.

collects info, reshapes her entire personality into something designed to appeal to whoever she’s talking to. i tried not to get into motive bc socializing really is like That sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine pulling that off. i talk big game about acting a certain way, but only in ways that are already part of me yk? if i couldn’t believe i was being legit in some way i’m like 97% sure it would show through somehow and make it real weird.

You're still on Actor Bird. Your friend might have a Snake model? but you're an Actor Bird.

How do you feel about shortcuts?

work smart not hard, she says, working hard anyway bc she needs to see all the little things fall into place just to make sure that they do.

seriously though, that is for “important enough” things: i need to see it done to standard. i can rest only with a job well done kind of thing—due diligence so that any tomfoolery that goes down isn’t my fault and therefore no one can get mad at me.

This might be a Badger model, and I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say you picked this up from your community because it's what they expect of you. You don't seem to take any joy in it, though; it seems like an anxious response.

also i have beef with the idea of being gullible, so i’m gonna see it with my OWN EYES. for less important things, it’s a heart says yes mind says no situation. i love the shortcut that saves time and effort but keeps the quality, which is plentiful when it’s like. pasta sauce, but not when it’s like. the Donner party heading to california. i would love to shorten that stuff, but the consequences of a poorly done shortcut are more painful than the slog.

Bird modeling Badger. Yep.

Do you feel the need to keep the peace?

(it didn’t come up on this run of the quiz but i’ve been mulling over for a while!)

Huh. This question doesn't always come up? I always get it. I have to assume it's the quiz checking for Badger.

i’ve got a fairly bad temper and a transparent face. so no—i’m not much for keeping the peace. i can do it properly if compelled, but it’s exhausting and irritating and only really makes me resentful of the emotional labour.

Whether you can keep the peace is kind of separate from whether you feel you should, but you also really dislike being in that role. You're modeling some Bookkeeper Badger, which doesn't actually make you happy, and you really don't seem to like using Courtier for anything.

does it bother me when people fight? yeah, like most people do when it’s a rift-causing argument in a group they care strongly about, but if i’m not more loyal to one side of the dispute i’m much more likely to take out all the parties and have done with it. i’ve been known to fight back or even start stuff if the cause is important enough, or i have spleen to vent, but i’m a very messy arguer so staying out of it and collecting receipts in the background is much more my style.

Wonder if you've got some Lion secondary hiding out in your Houses. You don't like going into things unprepared, but maybe there's a Lion model you could be nurturing that would make you happier than that Badger mess that's been pushed on you.

anyway. this was long. made me think harder about badger than i thought. lots of feelings, but def not as sad as the ones i typed up and deleted ages ago which i elect to count as progress. thanks for making it this far hahahah

Yay! Progress!

Yeah, I don't think you're a Badger. It really doesn't make you happy. You sound like a Bird to me: actor Bird, rapid fire Bird, but not Badger. Not Snake, either; if you're a rapid fire or actor Bird (or both) you might mis-Sort yourself into Snake, but I'm not getting that from you.

--Paint

[quentinxdelancret]

Discord Text || Quentin and Cody

Discord text thread featuring: Quentin and Cody @codyhq

When: January 31st

Mentions: @romanbeckett @aaronhart93

Description: Quentin texts cody to ask him for help making and OF account and they end up getting into a deep conversation about his relationship, and relationships in general.

Trigger Warnings: drug mentions, light sex talk, NSFW-ish

Quentin. hey man what’s up?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. not much. are you here to fight because i insulted your boyfriend? because he's the one that broke me. so he deserved it.

Quentin. hahaha no. I’m a lover not a fighter. Unless I have to fight in which case I can tend to get a bit crazy. anyway... I don’t wanna fight lol I just had a question

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i don't fight...i didn't really mean what i said anyways. aaron is..well i guess you know.. yeah sure, ask away.

Quentin. yeah. I do know. He’s... Yeah. uhmm anyway. You have an onlyfans account yeah?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. Yeah, I do. Are you.. a fan?

Quentin. I might be.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. good to know.

Quentin. I was just.. wondering if you uhm... could help me?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. with...what exactly?

Quentin. I kinda wanna make an account. I really need the income and I also kinda wanna keep it secret

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. like you don't want daddy finding out?

Quentin. ha, yeah. Something like that I’m a very sexual person. I just don’t think I could do it they way I should if he or Roman knew

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i guess i understand it. but if they found out... is it worth that?

Quentin. Honestly...  Idk lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I just.. I'm sure he's never talked about me. But I loved him. I mean...i really loved him. Gave him everything. And he didn't want that with me. But with you two... you both got exactly what i wished for.

Quentin. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t say it’s as easy as you make it all sound though

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. and you need an escape? an outlet?

Quentin. I don’t know what I need I’m just, it’s complicated.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. okay. so you...use an alias. you don't show your face. but your tattoos... how far are you willing to go to keep it a secret?

Quentin. The thing is, I don’t think that they would really care. It’s just, me.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. why do you not want them to know?

Quentin. because I don’t want them to think I’d be okay with it if they did it? lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. oh. tricky.

Quentin. Idk it’s probably a bad idea. Everyone wants Aaron and Roman is staying with the guy who is in love with him. I just... I crave validation I guess

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. ...you have two boyfriends and you aren't feeling validated? that...sucks.

Quentin. like I said, it’s complicated. I just don’t feel worthy. Nvm

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i get it. i often feel that way. i've dated a lot of different people. i'll help.

Quentin. you will?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah. i will.

Quentin. thank you

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. on one condition.

Quentin. uh oh.. what’s the condition?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. aaron can never know i helped you.

Quentin. well, that shouldn’t be a problem since I don’t want him to know anything

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. good. first you need an alias. the rest is...i mean look at you, it'll be easy.

Quentin. that’s sweet

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. please as f you don't know.

Quentin. I know other people feel that way. Just wish I could see it

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. fuck. you're fucking gorgeous.

Quentin. thank you. so are you. now stop making me wanna kiss you lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i can't help that i'm so adorable. you'll just have to deal with that.

Quentin. hahaha fair enough I just wanna kiss everybody. It’s a real issue

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i just fall in love with everybody. and no one falls in love with me.

Quentin. wow, why not? I would.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i'm..a lot.

Quentin. you and me both apparently

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I guess that's why it takes two guys to corral you? i've always thought that might be the missing piece for me.

Quentin. I guess so. I just fell in love with them both and couldn’t choose it was hell until it wasn’t

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i dated a married couple once. it was..amazing.

Quentin. I bet! Although dating two does come with its struggles you are always having to choose who to be with or when. Or wonder if you are giving more to one than the other and on top of that. You’re so clingy and it’s just a mess

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I suppose. my situation was different. they moved me in. i was like...their baby. until the real baby came around at least.

Quentin. that sounds nice. I love being baby. But when real babies come along it does make it more complicated

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. infinitely. but i knew that from the start. still, if you're unhappy...

Quentin. I’m not unhappy. I’m just, struggling to keep a happy medium a lot of the time

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah, that's why god invented anxiety pills.

Quentin. hahaha yeah I was popping molly every day like tic tacs until Aaron asked me to stop now I’m just... idek

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. that's rough. i have prescriptions for...everything if you need a hook up.

Quentin. I’ll get back to you on that.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. well in the meantime make a list of things you will and will not do on your OF

Quentin. I don’t really have a won’t do list

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you're going to be popular.

Quentin. I’ve done pretty much everything when I was an escort sooo might as well go hard

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. will you only do solo stuff?

Quentin. considering I have two boyfriends that would probably be ideal.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. well then there's your list.

Quentin. Jesus, now you got me thinking about getting sucked off on camera lmao I have real issues lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's just a job. i'd offer but...i won't.

Quentin. yeah, it’s probably best you don’t I don’t wanna end up hating my life for a few good moments of loving it

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. not worth losing everything over a bj

Quentin. exactly! I could ask Roman though lol I don’t think he would be willing but I could ask lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's hard. a lot of partners don't like the OF job.

Quentin. yeah, jealousy is a real bitch I would know cause I’m def the jealous type lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i actually kinda like when my partner is jealous

Quentin. me too, but I don’t get that often.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i just..shows they care

Quentin. I’m the green monster of this relationship for sure

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i get it though. i've been the guy dating aaron before.

Quentin. yeah you know what the real kicker is?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's like...everyone thinks they own a piece of him. but he's yours. he's only yours and you shouldn't have to feel like he's everyone elses.

Quentin. yes that! and it’s hard to believe if someone actually loves you and means it when they are saying the same things to someone else as well. I struggle with that myself.  Like, I always feel like I’m being naughty lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. but the heart is capable of so much love.

Quentin. yes, yes it is.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i really think it's possible to fully love two people at once. i know i could.

Quentin. yeah, I know I do! But it’s still something I’m getting used to I guess. It’s so different then what I ever imagined

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. it's not all threesomes lol been there. couldn't imagine sharing aaron though. maybe that's why he thought i was too much.

Quentin. I didn’t wanna share either ngl but, it’s harder when it’s Roman. Idk if it’s because we were best friends first? But god, I’d break fingers over him. Well, Aaron too. But yeah lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you love them both

Quentin. I just wanna give them everything and if they want each other than who am I to stop them?

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. but they're with you. they want you. isn't that amazing? you're so lucky.

Quentin. I am lucky. I just wish I’d stop feeling like they want me to have each other

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. have you...expressed that to them?

Quentin. kinda. They think I’m crazy and that it’s all in my head. Which I guess they aren’t wrong

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. right. but have they put you at ease? because your feelings are natural and valid.

Quentin. idk, I guess not since I still feel it. lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i think you just need more boyfriend kisses

Quentin. lmao I always need that

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i haven't had boyfriend kisses in so long

Quentin. I should hook you up with someone. But idk who lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. I have a few...friendships on the go. for the first time in a long time i'm not trying to force myself into anything.

Quentin. that’s good though. it’s always better when it just happens

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah. i'm just a little bit like a lost puppy when i'm single.

Quentin. well, if it helps at all. I don’t think you’ll stay that way very long

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. here's hoping i don't need to be flirting with daddy's boyfriend.

Quentin. hahahaha well, since you are calling him daddy. I don’t see the harm in it at least you care enough to include me

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah, i got used to calling him that. he never really was 'aaron' to me. but you seem good for him.

Quentin. yeah.. well, thank you.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. i hope this helps you find what you're missing. it's helped me a lot.

Quentin. I’m glad. It’s help me as well.

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. just get ready for some weird requests on OF

Quentin. I’m always ready for those lol

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. you seem like the type to be down for anything.

Quentin. I am indeed! I guess you can say I’m a people pleaser

𝑐𝑜𝑑𝑦 𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑠. yeah me too.

[humanemotionssuck]

Hello 2021

January 2, 2021

I should’ve put these thoughts into words on the first day of the year but then again, I felt so lazy given this bed weather we are currently having. By far, I think I experienced the coldest temperature here in my hometown (21 degrees baby) and I’m sure not liking it as I prefer warm days.

I actually do not know how to start. I feel it’s necessary to check on how I am doing lately. Write the things I experienced last year and reflect on the lessons it taught me.

I could probably kick things off by remembering how 2020 started for me. I have a bad memory but I’ll try my best to recall them.

January

Broke up with J (yes this is probably one of the major and heartbreaking events happened to me). To sum it up, I realized that the relationship does not have growth anymore, and I am slowly drifting to follow my own path, which is to focus on the plans I want. I haven’t thought deeply the lessons I learned in my past relationship yet but one thing is for sure, I changed and I want to explore more of what I can do or what I’m missing out in life. Which brings me to attend seminars on how to work/study abroad. I attended a couple (e.g Fortrust Makati) and I also realized how costly it will be and I’m probably not yet ready esp. on the financial aspect.

February – March

Highlight on these months was I got back to dating apps again. I know it was a complete dick move. I haven’t moved on yet and here I am in the pool again. I met 2 guys from this app, Coffee Meets Bagel (which btw I uninstalled few months after). The first guy was the introvert but funny type and also VERY sexual. I got along with it, tried to do the deed but failed cause the guy hasn’t moved on from the ex yet. (Sucks right). And so I met this second guy and he is decent but we really had completely different personality. I believe this guy is also rich (he came from a Chinese family and I went to his house and saw the maid and his stuff). Can you also believe he already introduced me to his mom (no dad cause broken family), uncle and grandma. Pressured si ate gurl syempre cause it was really too early to do that step since we’re just dating but March was the most difficult month because…

START OF LOCKDOWN. PH was in state of panic after the government announced a nationwide lockdown due to increased COVID-19 transmission. I immediately went on a bus to the province fearing to get stuck in Manila.

April

Nah this was just a typical month. Summer vibes all over but since we cannot go to the beach we just setup an inflatable pool in the house to get soaked. I finally posted a pic wearing a swimsuit again. My stagnant IG feed came to life lmao

May

Oh boy. This month sucks so much. I got typhoid fever. Which I thought was COVID already cause my fever just won’t stop. My mom didn’t want me to get admitted in the hospital in the fear of being infected so I was hooked in the IV here in the house. I felt I was dying. I was in huge pain both physically and mentally. Which forced me to end any communication means with the second guy. He was not there when I was sick. I didn’t feel his concern even if we’re miles apart and I felt I was begging for his attention. It just won’t work. He blocked me in his socials (which is a first for me, usually I am the one who blocks lol) but given the current state I have now, I learned to accept it and chose to move forward.

June

Explored options on work/study program abroad. We got a new car (Xpander) which my father was able to purchase after borrowing money from us. That money could’ve been used for my Japan trip on December (plot twist it was cancelled due to fucking corona) but it’s okay I guess I’ll save another again.

I also got my student permit (yes I learned how to drive months after hehe)

July

THIS WAS MY BIGGEST DOWNFALL FOR THIS YEAR. There were some modifications in the quarantine and so my employer required and FORCED us to report on site in Makati despite of high number of positive cases. All I can say is SCREW THEM and I hope karma will do its thing on their business. The management.. the bosses.. they are all inconsiderate fucks for not allowing me to work at home instead. The situation forced me to resign but they chose to terminate me instead. The unemployment took its toll on my mental health, it caused me great depression and anxiety which forced me to look for distractions.. anything that will ease my mind.

Oh and btw, I bought my first laptop from hard earned money. Oh boy, it was satisfying to give myself the things my parents couldn’t afford that time I was still in school. It’s a gaming laptop and the one I’m using to type now. I absolutely love it and I used it to find online jobs later on..

I read Looking for Alaska by John Green again after watching the TV series on Hulu. Geez, this has to be my favorite book so far. The seeking of great perhaps.. which was very timely on my mood while having nothing else to do.

Lastly, TAYLOR SWIFT RELEASED A NEW ALBUM CALLED FOLKLORE. In the middle pandemic? Awesome right and this album kept me sane during this crazy and miserable month. Oh and on December, she released folklore’s sister album.. Evermore. Miss Swift saved me again with her music. This will definitely be one of the albums I will play when I’m old and gray knitting sweaters and wearing cardigan.

August

I started and finished my driving lesson in manual. JFC, I realized driving gives me a huge anxiety. One thing is for sure, I will prefer to drive automatic. Not driving that shit again.

I was still hooked with Looking for Alaska. Also purchased Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck on the time I bought LFA.

On the other hand, I was also actively looking for new jobs this time.

September

ON SEPT. 30 I GOT HIRED! I was super happy to start on a new job. It gave me hope once again to continue on this journey called life. After almost 3 months, we are def back to business!

I also got the chance to get this Thyroid issue checked. Unfortunately, there was no major stuff going on with my thyroid. Basically, I’m perfectly healthy. What sucks is that the doctor invalidated my previous condition and said I only have ~anxiety which is the cause of my symptoms (excessive sweating and palpitations). I will seek professional help on this anxiety stuff anytime in the future.

Lastly, I played Grand Chase again and met someone in the game. Well technically we haven’t met yet but since then, I got used to talking with this guy and he is part of my daily routine now. I won’t spoil much details but as soon as this is all over, I can’t wait to meet this person :)

*cue Grand Chase soundtrack*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoK0bAjsHoo

October

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEE! It was a typical birthday. I don’t have much realizations. If I had one, I need to think thoroughly again lol.

Busy with training on the new job and this has been the most challenging training I ever had since I started working.

NOVEMBER

WORK WORK WORK. Super stressed and my anxiety was on the roof. I thought of giving up already but then again it was too early to quit. I haven’t seen my full potential on this job yet and so I chose to keep on fighting.

I also finally got braces. Let’s get these smiles fixed.

December

WORK WORK WORK AGAIN. My work caused me a huge anxiety cause I was given high priority cases -.-But overall, I can say the holidays went great. I finally got to spend time with the family outside. Don’t worry cause we still practiced precautions and I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while to have some fresh air. We went to the beach and pretty much that’s the highlight of this month.

Things are getting serious with this guy I’m talking about.. Seriously, he makes me happy every single day.

I also won in Christmas raffle. Oppo phone. (I have the odds in my favor when it comes to raffles lol)

Feels weird to celebrate this holiday too thinking a lot of hardships were experienced in the last few months of quarantine. I was thinking about all the lives lost by covid and hoping they are in the peaceful place now..

JANUARY (NOW)

After everything that happened, oddly the start of the year gives me a sense of hope. Sure I am still carrying the trauma 2020 gave me but I am slowly leaving all of them behind. I want a fresh start and I want to let go of the things that gave me pain. I don’t have solid resolutions just like in my teenage years. Guess I’m too old for that. Not saying it’s okay to not have plans for the future and just go with the flow but I promise to not be too hard on myself and to not pressure myself on the goals I haven’t achieved yet. It’s really a struggle to plan things ahead given the situation but as always, I will do my best. I will stop comparing my progress to somebody else’s cause everyone has their own timeline.

I will listen to my heart and my mind to determine the things I really want. I promise to reevaluate the decisions I am making each day. I will not be afraid of making mistakes because that’s how I learn.

I am embracing my anxiety of uncertainty. It’s okay to feel afraid because I am always trying on how to overcome my fear. I strive each day because I am more than just a ball of anxiety. The palpitations.. the sweating.. they don’t define me. I have the power to control them and they won’t stop me from being the better version of myself.

[pokemagines]

chrom, alfonse, & hríd + protecting their s/o from a creep

anon asked: “Omg hi!!! I'm so glad I caught you on a time that your ask box is open! Could I request a summoner x Alfonse, Chrom and Hrid (separate) where the reader is getting hit on and gets pretty uncomfy and they save the day? Maybe the reader and the guy aren't in a relationship yet but def have feelings? I saw that you guys did something similar with Gaius and a few other heroes and I love those scenarios! Thank you so much you guys!! Keep up the great work 💗💗💗”

a/n: whoever this is.... know that u legit picked my 3 faves and yes i know i have bad taste but listen... if no one will develop my faves then i will gdi --mod touko

hríd:

you and hríd were sitting in a small tavern in one of the smaller towns in nifl. it was his favorite spot for a quick bite to eat and a drink, as it was one of the more classy establishments for those types of things.

he did, however, notice how the bartender kept winking and throwing little flirtations your way. obviously, he didn’t know who hríd was, lest he wouldn’t be so obviously flirting with you in front of him. you weren’t officially dating, no, but anyone who knew hríd even a bit knew he was head over heels for you. he just hadn’t found the right place to confess his feelings to you yet.

hríd excuses himself to go ask for another drink for you, and while he’s waiting, the bartender comes over to you, his eyes glimmering as he uses this opportunity to touch your arm, getting a bit too close for comfort. you try and move your arm without seeming rude, but his grip is firm.

  “sorry, darlin’, you’re much too cute to keep my hands off of you...” he smirks at you, and you pray for hríd to come back quickly. “are you single? i don’t work for too much longer and wanted you to come home with me, how does that sound?”

  “heh, no thanks but i’m good.” you force yourself to be polite, despite getting a really bad feeling from him. his smile drops, and his grip on your arm grows ever tighter.

  “oh really? are you sure? i’ll be so much better to you than that g--” before he can finish his sentence, hríd forcefully puts himself between the two of you, feigning innocence and setting your cup on the table in front of him.

  “any reason your hands are on [name]?” he asks, his normally cute voice suddenly turning icy as the winters in nifl. you feel yourself shudder, glad that the lech’s hands are off of you, but also mentally thankful that you’ll never be at the receiving end of hríd’s cold glare.

  “you got a problem with that?” the guy puffs up as big as he can, but hríd is still at least a head taller. “i don’t see that you’re doing any good by them, anyways. leavin’ them all alone like that.” something in hríd snaps, and suddenly, he hoists the man up by his collar, and the people in the bar gasp. you stand up now ready to spring into action if you needed to hold him back (you couldn’t have him ruining his reputation as nifl’s peaceful prince because of you).

  “alright let’s not cause a fuss now!” you say as cheerily as you can, the smaller man still in the prince’s grasp. “hrid, please.” you say, quieter to him, trying to diffuse the situation. “let’s just go.” he looks down at you for a second, then drops the man onto the floor. you apologize to the owner, who looks shocked, before dragging hríd outside.

   “i’m sorry i don’t know what came over me.” is the first thing he says. you shake your head, the winter air stinging your cheeks. you aren’t mad at all, you just didn’t want him going through unnecessary trouble on your behalf.

  “no i’m not mad i just... thank you for coming when you did.” you pull your coat across your chest trying to warm yourself up. “i thought--”

  “i’m sorry i wasn’t there before, i shouldn’t have left you alone.” he looks embarrassed, but when he sees you shivering his gaze softens. he pulls you into his chest, arms wrapping around you trying to warm you up.

  “it’s okay... we got out of there and that’s all that matters... plus, it was kind of cool when you picked that guy up.” you look up at him, the moonlight illuminating your face and giving you an otherwordly glow. it makes him want to hold you like this forever. he’s rendered speechless by your beauty, until he feels you shiver in his arms again. 

  “sorry,” he says with a faint chuckle, “all i can do is keep you cold.”

the two of you walk to the nearest inn, his coat draped across your shoulders after much reassurance from him that he’ll be fine without it. he doesn’t speak much, solely because he can’t get the image of you smiling up at him out of his mind. he tells himself that he has to confess to you soon.

that time comes much sooner than he counted on though, when the innkeeper tells the two of you that the only rooms left have one bed...

chrom:

usually when the two of you are in crowded places, he’s stuck to you like glue. he’s clingy, yes, but also he just wants to keep you safe. even if you assure him that you’ll be okay by yourself, he insists that he just likes being close to you, (”i am a man, after all”, he admits). 

he has to leave you for a moment, however, when frederick ushers him aside to talk to him about something important, leaving you to wander about through the market by yourself. 

you’re looking at some books in the market, when you feel a hand grab your shoulder gently, squeezing it for a moment too long. thinking it was chrom, you turn around to say something when you’re face to face with a man you’ve never seen before, who seems to be eyeing you intently. you try to move out of his grasp, but he continues to pester you.

“need help lookin’ for something lass?” he says, and this time you recoil out of his touch, bumping into another pair of arms, this time they belong to your husband, who has the tell-tale sign of fury etched across his face. chrom was a hothead, that most people knew, but when someone touched the person he loved most? nothing pissed him off more.

   “no, but i’d advise you to keep your hands off of my spouse.” he says firmly, gripping the hilt of falchion just in case. you put a hand on his exposed bicep, trying to calm him down with your touch. you didn’t want the exalt to get into a fight with a civilian over you.

   “chrom, please, just--” he turns his gaze to you, and he softens instantly, sizing you up to see if you looked upset. when he sees that you look fine, just a little rattled he asks:

   “did he... hurt you?” he says gently, and you flush, glaring the man down. he’s sweating, eyes shifting trying to find any way of escape. 

   “he... he tried to... but nothing happened.” you try to diffuse as best you can with your words, but it seems chrom has already decided what to do. he grits his teeth and calls for frederick. 

   “milord, what do wish me to do with this cretin?” he says, a smile on his face while his eyes betray nothing but coldness.

   “send him to the dungeons for a few days. that’ll teach him to keep his hands to himself.” frederick nods, and apprehends the felon, leaving the two of you alone near the small book stall. 

chrom then asks you if you are okay once more, pulling you into his strong arms as he kisses your forehead gently. he promises to keep you safe from then on, but also advises you to stick up for yourself and make a scene if you feel uncomfortable. above all, he’s just glad you’re safe.

alfonse:

you and alfonse were out buying fabric for anna, who had the“brilliant idea” of making new years robes for the third year in a row. you didn’t mind much, because you got to spend more time with alfonse, and alfonse acquiesced once he saw how excited you were.

you hold his hand and drag him through the streets (alfonse trying not to overthink it too much but he’s a blushing mess because you’re touching him), until you get to the supply shop anna had recommended (which was oddly enough run by someone who looked exactly like her... and had the same name as her...). the other anna somehow manages to convince the two of you to try on some other costumes she had lying around. alfonse went first, shoved into the dressing room by anna after much begging by you to try it on. while he’s changing, she advises you to go ahead and try on your outfit. it’s a simple winter festival outfit, much like the one eirika wore last year, and you quickly get changed.

when you step out of the changing room, anna is nowhere to be found, and the only person in sight is a man who appeared to be shopping, but now that he sees you he flusters. 

   “wow didn’t know i would get a show too when i came here,” he chuckles, walking closer to you, “what’s your name, baby?” you resist the urge to swing at this obvious creep, and instead try and puff yourself up, not backing down from his stares.

   “back off, weirdo,” you say, trying to keep your distance, but he doesn’t seem to get the memo, and continues advancing on your, spouting all kinds of degrading comments your way. seconds before you completely knock his lights out, alfonse steps out of the dressing room, looking quite pissed despite his tux and bouquet of flowers clutched in his hands.

   “they said back off,” it’s a bit more high-pitched than he would’ve liked it to sound, and the guy doesn’t back down.

   “what... this dude your boyfriend or something?” he says dismissively, looking him up and down and scoffing at his outfit.

   “yes, and also the prince of askr. i would advise you to not make me repeat myself twice.” you flush at his words, you two weren’t dating but for some reason him claiming you were made your heart beat wildly in your chest. the guy sputters after alfonse mentions that he’s a prince, apologizing profusely before rushing off. he then turns to you, blushing, but also with a resolute look in his eye. 

he tells you that he was changing as fast as he could when he heard the guy start to hit on you, and then he asks if he did anything to you. you assure him that you’re fine, just a little bit shaken up, and he smiles, pulling you into a hug. alfonse is never one to initiate physical affection, so you savor every last minute as he clings to you.

when you pull back, his arms still around your waist, you ask him what he meant by him being your boyfriend. he stutters and turns as red as anna’s hair, before you hear the familiar click of a snapshot tome, effectively ruining the moment as you go to wrestle anna for that picture.

[storytime-hoe]

Tough Love Ch.3

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x O/C

Summary: Story picks up during season three as the group goes into Woodbury to rescue Glenn and Maggie from the Governor. However, they pick up another prisoner of Woodbury, Emma (O/C). She is a thief who fears friendships after her hard losses. She stays on the move, studying communities from afar and then robbing them blind. She has stayed alive this way for a while until the Governor catches her in the act. Now she finds herself with the group from the prison in a mission to kill the Governor for what he has done to her. She plans on stealing supplies from the prison group after the Governor is killed, but she might be growing a little too close to the groups members, especially one man in particular: Daryl Dixon.

Warnings: Slow burn, language, usual twd violence, mentions of abuse/rape

Authors Note: Things are finally getting good in this chapter if I do say so myself. I hope you all like it! I get sick of the female interest always seeming weak and like they need a protector all the time so I am trying to make a badass character here but like not too bitchy and annoying. It’s a fine line and I struggle sometimes but like oh well. Enjoy!

Previously: Ch.1       Ch.2

Merle Dixon was running his mouth like usual. Spit flung from his mouth as he yelled at Maggie about coming back to the prison with us all. Glenn and Maggie obviously did not want him around them or their family after what he did to them. I didn't blame them a bit. He had done some cruel things to me too, but I never held it against him too much, nothing compared to what the Governor did.

"Well I'll be damned," Merle said, ignoring Maggie and letting his sights land on me from over Rick's shoulder. "You're alive."

I clenched my jaw and prepared for the usual taunting that was always present in conversation with Merle. I stumbled forward to get a better look at him, my legs gaining strength with every step. "Don't sound so disappointed," I snarled at him.

I noticed Daryl shift on his feet and groan at Merle in warning. Daryl wanted his brother to be able to come back to the prison with us, but by the looks of it that wasn't going to work out. And Daryl knew that messing with me right now wasn't going to help his case. I was a high strung pissed off motherfucker after getting my ass kicked by the Governor all to save a couple of Dixons. No one should've been messing with me right now.

"You let her in the group and we are still questioning me?" Merle looked at Rick and threw his hands in my direction. "That right there is some fucked up bullshit."

"We were bringing her because she knew Woodbury," Daryl supplied, trying his best to keep Merle at bay, with no luck.

"She got us to you two. She's proving to be helpful," Rick supported, but I noted that he still looked skeptical of me.

Merle whistled and huffed out a strangled laugh that came from deep in his throat. "That's one poisonous snake you let into your nest, Sheriff." Merle smirked as he looked me up and down. I guess it had been a while since he got to do that and he was taking his time with soaking me in.

"You even know her that well, Merle?" Daryl glanced at me a few times, looking somewhat uneasy since he himself didn't really know me.

"Governor made me look after her."

My eyes widened at his words. "Look after me? He made you beat the shit out of me," I said, pushing by Rick so I was face to face with Merle. That was probably a bad move judging by Merle's playful smile. I shook against the urge to slap it right off of his fucking face.

"All that was just business. Trust me, I've done worse, sweetheart." He leaned back against a tree and rolled his eyes at my unhappy demeanor.

"Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there."

Merle snickered, pleased with the reactions he was getting from me.

"You're a coward," I breathed out.

"Maybe. But it all worked out in the end. Found my brother."

I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest. The blood pounded in my ears. "The Governor found him. You didn't find shit. I knew you would never go look for him on your own. You were too happy with the Governor in his perfect little shit-hole to risk looking for him." I pointed my finger at Daryl and kept my eyes on Merle's snarl. "If you had cared about him you would've gone to look for him long before the Governor tossed you together in an arena. He just turned you into a monster too," I yelled out, my voice raising with every word.

"I did what I had to do!" He pushed away from the tree and shouted in my face. His breath snaked its way into my nostrils, making me grimace.

"This is a bunch of bullshit," Daryl stepped in between us, trying to get us to stand down. "Me and my brother are none of your God damn business."

"Then why did he feel the need to tell me all about you two?" He looked a little startled at that. "Tell me, Daryl, how many times has Merle abandoned you before? Huh?"

Daryl was smoldering down at me. He knew Merle must have told me about all the times he left his brother alone back before the world went to shit. I figured Merle told me just about everything about the two of them. His look was dangerous as he tried to shut me up with his squinted glare. His breath blew back the loose strands of hair that hung in my face. I felt my cheeks flush, but I didn't waver from his look until Merle opened his fucking mouth again.

"And where the hell is your brother?" Merle shouted from behind Daryl. He knew what he was doing by saying this. I told him about my younger sibling back when he was pitying himself over his own. My brother was a touchy subject and Merle knew that.

Everyone around us must've sensed the mistake Merle made and the tension that was being added to the area by the second. Glenn and Maggie had stopped putting in their two cents over top of our yelling and for a brief time everyone was silent.

Daryl noticed my fists clench at my sides and my twitch forward towards Merle to knock his lights out. He was too fast to let me by him, though. He immediately squared his shoulders around to block me from Merle completely. Rick had moved to Merle's side in a second to keep him under control if need be. Everyone else stood at attention, waiting for the calm before the storm to end.

"Take it back," I warned Merle through clenched teeth.

Merle laughed harshly from behind Daryl's shoulder before saying, "Or else what? What are you gonna do to me? Huh? You gonna leave me for dead just like you left your little bro?"

My vision was nothing but a sheet of red. My blood boiled over with the rage I felt, something that I thought the Governor had beat out of me. But my spirit and temper were there still, like they had never left.

I wanted nothing more than to rip Merle apart for using something like this against me. I lunged upward and towards Merle in an attempt to reach him from over Daryl. It was a lame attempt I realized after I was caught around the waist by his muscular arm. It's a shame I didn't even get to put a scratch on Merle before he started hauling me away.

The others exploded into chaos that was set off by my lash out. Maggie had her gun out and was shouting at us to keep it down. Michonne stood by with her sword out, the only silent member of the party, and Rick was yelling as he helped Glenn push back Merle who was shouting at me and taking slow forceful steps in my direction, which only made me go even crazier.

Daryl held me off the ground still as I continued to thrash around in his hold in a hopeless effort to get free. "Calm the fuck down," Daryl growled at me over the other shouts and tossed me roughly on my ass.

I ignored the pain that shot through my already damaged body as I hit the dirt hard. But I shot straight back up on my feet, getting right in his face, even though he looked down at me in an intimidating way. "He doesn't give a fuck about you, you know." I used one hand to shove his chest, which didn't affect him at all, while I was trying to ignore Merle's continuous cursing. "He was comfortable in a position at Woodbury where he was living the fucking life. He knew what kind of man the Governor was and yet he listened to everything he was told to do. Merle killed innocent people for that man instead of going out to be with his sibling. Would you have done that?"

"Why don't you shut the hell up?" His voice roared over me in a raspy yell.

My vision blurred with my anger and the beginning of tears that I prayed wouldn't come. "I would've gone to the ends of the earth to find family. But your shitty brother didn't even care enough to look for you for more than a day when you got separated. He found a better offer at Woodbury and his loyalty to the Governor became more important than you."

"You couldn't save your brother, sweetheart!" Merle called out from where Glenn and Rick still restrained him, but my eyes didn't waver from Daryl's cold blue ones. His eyes bore into mine and I could feel the heat from his body washing over me in a wave of frustration. "I saved my little brother. You can't say the same for yours," Merle continued on like this for a while. His continuing taunts only riled me up more, but still I stayed silent. Only the deep breathing of Daryl echoed in my ears as we both tried not to attack each other, the tension in the small space that was between us was holding still.

Merle ruthlessly yelled about my brother and his death over and over again. My heart sunk with each beat. He was right about me. I was not able to save my brother. I couldn't protect him when he needed me. The Walkers took him right from my hands...

I felt like I was at a breaking point when Daryl finally broke his eyes from mine and spun around on Merle. I was shocked beyond belief when he started to yell at him instead of me. "Merle, shut the fuck up! Stop being an asshole for two seconds. You know you haven't any room to judge someone for failing their sibling."

Something dark passed in Merle's eyes. "You think I've failed you? You defending her now, little brother?"

"I ain't defending nobody. I'm trying to vouch for you to stay with us and you're making it real fucking hard."

"Everyone calm down! Now!" Rick glowered at us all and his simple command put a stop to the upheaval.

"He's not coming with us," Glenn insisted more calmly this time, thankfully bringing the argument back around to Merle's fate and no longer on my brother.

I rocked back on my heels, catching my breath after my screaming match with the eldest Dixon. My heart still hammered in my chest as I looked over at Daryl who was taking small strides back and forth, his accusing stare on Merle.

"You let the samari go but not me?" Merle pointed out, motioning to Michonne, who held herself higher and pointed her sword out at him.

I watched Rick yanked the sword from her hands for the second time as they exchanged vicious looks. "She is not in a state to be on her own. We patch her up then she is gone," Rick finalized. His gaze was cold. "She," he said pointing at me, "will be here until we don't need her to fight the Governor anymore."

Merle rolled his eyes. "I know more than that bitch can tell you. I've got the training to fight too."

"Why don't ya shut up?" Daryl yelled in Merle's face again.

This time Merle squared around towards Daryl, ready to put his younger brother in his place. "Shut up yourself! Bunch of pussies you –"

He was cut off by the crack of Rick's gun against his head, knocking him out cold.

Everyone looked down at Merle's limp body in silence. I wasn't going to be the one to say it, but thank-fucking-God Rick shut him up.

Daryl took a few more dangerous heavy breaths as he looked from Rick to Merle again and again. I could tell he wanted to side with his brother, but he was grateful for Rick's timing too.

After everyone had calmed down the group migrated towards the road. Rick, Daryl, Maggie, and Glenn stood off to the side to discuss what was to be done with Merle. Michonne and I were left to stand by the car while Merle was gaining conscience back in the woods still.

I watched the group as they discussed Merle. I only picked up a few things here and there. "Look, the Governor is probably on the way to the prison right now," Daryl said, holding the strap of his crossbow across his shoulder. "Merle knows how he thinks, and we could use the muscle."

Rick must have told him how I knew the Governor well enough too because Daryl glared at me, but I pretended not to notice. I might not have been the Governor's go to guy like Merle, but I saw enough of him. Not to mention everything I had learned about Woodbury prior to my capture. I had the place mentally mapped out with the faces of every resident memorized.

Michonne grunted as she leaned up against the side of the car. The deep gash in her leg was looking worse by the minute, not to mention her other bruises and sores. I knew she went after the Governor back during the rescue mission for Maggie and Glenn. When I first saw her I knew she had a thirst for the Governor's blood, just like me.

"You look like shit," I observed aloud, hoping to stir her up.

She took her time studying me before she answered. "You should see the other guy," she responded with a slight hint of a smile playing at her lips.

I let out a small laugh, something I never thought I would've been able to do again. I sat back on the hood of the car and angled my head towards her. "I think I did see the other guy." I remembered the Governor in the arena waiting for Merle to kill Daryl. The Governor had an eyepatch on that was definitely not there the last time I saw him. "You take his eye out?" I asked for confirmation.

Her face was back to its normal vacant look. "Yeah," she answered, staring at the group still deep in discussion.

I watched them too, infuriatingly unable to make out anything important in their conversation. "Good. That son of a bitch needed a good ass-whooping."

I felt her gaze fall back onto me, but I didn't return it this time. Rick was following Daryl back towards the car.

"We'll fend for ourselves," Daryl yelled back over his shoulder at the others that trailed after him. "It was always Merle and I before this."

Rick put a hand on Daryl's shoulder to stop him momentarily. "You don't have to do this."

Daryl shook his head. "Don't ask me to leave him. I already did that once."

I had heard that story from Merle enough. He always told me how his brother left with the group of people that had abandoned him. Left him chained to the roof in the middle of the city, he always said. Daryl had ditched him.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, watching Daryl pack up a bag to take with him. I felt a twinge of sadness to see him go, even if he did hate my guts. I tried my best to forget the look he gave me when he first found me in Woodbury. There was something about him that intrigued me. When he looked at me I felt like he was reading every thought in my mind. Sure he was a Dixon, but still, my heart sank to see the man who understood me go away. It sank even more when I watched him leave with his snarling asshole of an older brother, arm in arm with each other.

**

Tags:

@daryldixonandfrogs

[01010010-posts]

— me, me and nothing else.

requests: Could I ask for HC’s on how the RK’s would react to a female s/o who presents them self as masculine (clothes, hair, ext) but still identify as female

I'm so in love with your writing!! How would the android bois react to having a short s/o who is fearless and runs head first into dangerous situations and loves to playfully refer to herself as "the man"? idk it just seems like a funny scenario to me Haha

You can ignore this if you like but can i request the rks with a s/o that gets into a pretty decent amount of brawls? or at least is really really good at hand to hand combat? thanks a lot if so!! no worries if not!!! love your work btw! <3

maybe the rks and a reader whos always covered in bruises and bandages cause theyre always getting into fist fights or what not? i have a love for brawl-y readers

obviously this wouldnt be possible in canon BUT if youre down could i get the rks reacting to their s/o being really really strong? like kratos-flipping-a-temple-strong?

sorry, but can you do hcs for 900? basically, the s/o is very competitive and tries to be better at sports than 900 even though he is an android. i think it'd be cool.

ah yes, the usual self-indulgent shit ™ because im old enough for it

Connor:

• starts to adore social events • partly because of his programs and his nature • but mostly because whenever he sees you with a button-down shirt and a tie his heart skips a beat • how the fuck can you be so charming with masculine clothes HE CAN’T he doesn’t compute!!! • you must know magic to look so wickedly good • will fight anyone who says something negative about you • no one should feel the need to criticize you over stupid customs like a code dress • he really doesn’t get them, not only because he’s an android • but ahh it’s obvious that it’s not necessary for him to be so protective • gosh you’re tiny but totally capable of handling matters on your own • deep down he’s aware BUT still you’re his baby!! he doesn’t want bad things to happen to you • people sometimes wonder why he’s full of medicines, disinfectant, band-aids • is he a robot or a first-aid kit? • and he can’t help sigh and roll his eyes • why do they even need to ask? he needs them for his man • you’re a little rascal and?? he’s unable to be mad at you for long • THIS robot is whipped let me tell ya • yes don’t worry he will cut your hair whenever it grows too much • let him download a couple of softwares and he’s ready • if you want to dye them just say so he’ll have tons of fun!!

RK900:

• patience thin as your hair’s length • NO you can’t NO NO NO PLEASE NO GOD NO PLEASE UGH • this is your last pack of band-aids, use them wisely he won’t buy you any more • who is he kidding, he has a whole pharmacy in his pockets • yes, hello kitty girly plasters as a punishment since you won’t behave • too bad he played himself they’re too cute on you • fuck he’s totally sold for the bruised tomboy look what have you done to him • “wanna bet” • “what” • “i can beat you at wrestling” • “I’m,,,, literally double your size, double your weight and an android” • “yeah that’s why i’ll give myself a handicap, so that i don’t hurt you” • he’s crying sm • should he feel proud? should he feel concerned? surprised? aroused??? WHICH IS IT • ok it’s def a mix of everything above because wow did? you?? just? pin him??? • FINE you’re strong he admits that • but you’re still not allowed to get into fights!! • he will fucking pick you up and get you safely home • he knows you can defend yourself but not gonna risk it • super weirded out by how much force can be in such tiny body but ugh that’s his jam allright • “can you stop stealing my clothes” • never stop doing it he’s annoyed bc he’s too turned on by it • “but they’re comfy” • oversized to the max but nvm! • “but you could put on something more adapt to your shape?” • “my shape is that of the man of this relationship” • and you say it so casually he’s,,,, • “plus, they smell like you” • he might be blushing but you don’t pay attention to that, too focused on kissing his pretty face • he breaks the kiss and dreamily looks at you • “you’re the little man of the relationship in any case” • can you fucking just jdkldjdlkj • “and you’re the big one? fair. we’re a happy gay couple now.” 

RK800-60:

• positively encouraging you!! • from exercising with you and letting you spar with him • to the point of giggling when you call yourself ‘the man’ • he always reply by naming himself ‘the wife’ • which makes people p perplexed but makes you two laugh • of course it’s shopping and hairdresser together • i mean he doesn’t have any business there, he only sits waiting for you • yeah don’t worry you can totally engage in physical fights • humans can be repaired anyway • fuck no that’s androids he got confused for a second • ABORT MISSION PLEASE DON’T GET HURT • thank god you’re short he can still restrain you with a firm embrace • while you’re cursing and he’s holding you his head is able to process a single thought • ‘is this what having a feisty cat feels like’ • don’t,,,, make it difficult ok you gained a good hug out of it • he puts band-aids on himself too so you match • they look cool on you they should have the same effect on him • WRONG • they’re extra cute on him wtf you can’t stop smooching that dorky mug

[paperclipninja]

Younger post-ep ramble 6x08

When episodes of TV shows are touted as 'epic' or 'game changing' I tend to proceed with caution, because chances of it living up to the hype are generally pretty slim. When it comes to Younger though, I should know better than to doubt such claims and 'Debu-taunt' (another pun-tastic title btw) really has changed the game and delivered some of the most poignant and meaningful character interactions of the series. This week's episode got back to the core of what this show is about: the female friendships in all their complexity. We saw lovely moments that deepened Diana and Liza's romantic relationships too of course, but these ultimately amplified the supportive and supporting role the men play in the women's lives. I've gotta say, I found this week's ramble hard to write because where do you start with an episode you've been anticipating for so long? The beginning, let's start at the beginning...

The episode opens with Liza and Charles living out some kind of domestic morning fantasy (minus the grapefruit for me thanks) and seeing the townhouse kitchen area in the daylight was something new, it's so much bigger than I realised! The entire scene is so aesthetically pleasing, particularly the Charles-in-a-vest-and-shirt situation as well as coordination of tie and Liza's dress, but of course it serves the far greater purpose of letting us know that Liza has fully integrated into the lives of Nicole and Bianca, right down to helping with homework and offering to drop a forgotten report off at school. It has been quite a few seasons since we saw or heard from the Brooks children and I fully appreciate catching a glimpse of Charles in dad-mode on the phone to Bianca, it's easy to forget that these characters have these other dimensions to their lives (speaking of which, is there some kind of alert out for Caitlin at this point? The lack of texts or calls or mentions is curious...Caitlin, if you're reading this, we're not mad, just let us know you're ok). Charles' gratitude to Liza for going to the school naturally makes my sappy heart swell, the 'I don't deserve you' only made better by his tardiness not being enough to stop him going back for a second kiss goodbye.

Pesky climate change forces Liza to discover she does not have a coat at Charles', but fortunately for her there is an entire closet full of coats, which naturally she does not question and is definitely not some kind of set up for a run in with the ex. Except it is of course and even as a viewer I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me watching Pauline ask Liza if the unexpectedness of their run in is why she is wearing her coat (seriously, I'm overwhelmed with second hand embarrassment typing this). Also, what was Pauline doing there? Just hanging out at the school for reasons or was she lurking in case Charles turned up with the report so she could catch a peek of him in a three-piece? While this remains a mystery (though who could blame her lbh), Pauline's desire to 'bury the hatchet' with Liza was def suspicious, but a nice distraction from the cringe-worthy, 'Bianca mentioned that she had two mommies' comment Mrs. Clipper makes before it's decided that Liza should be added to the pick-up list as she will 'be around for the long haul'. I am so grateful to see Liza showing that she is committed to and wants the life she has chosen with Charles in this episode. Regardless of what happens down the track, it's nice to see this character backing her own choices and decisions for now.

Any seasoned television watcher's alarm bells no doubt went off when Pauline cited the divorce negotiations as 'more or less behind us' (and again when Charles mentioned that 'it seems the worst is over' at the coffee station) because we all know that in the land of TV this 100% means it's only a matter of time before they will not be.

Keeping in the theme of wonderful character interactions, I may never get used to Charles and Liza just hanging out in the office (particularly Charles hovering around as an editor instead of the boss, but I am here for it until the end of time) and his adoring gaze as Liza recalls the awkward horror of her interaction with Pauline is topped off with a shared Harry Potter appreciation moment and honestly, these two and their nerd love, I cannot. The way the conversation about Liza moving in unfolded was so natural and yes, the answer is ALWAYS YES Liza when Charles Brooks suggests starting each day waking up together (insert swoon here). It turns out Liza doesn't overthink it, cue guilt pie and Pinot Noir with Maggie.  

These two are friendship goals times a thousand and Maggie's unwavering support upon hearing Liza talk about how she knows it's fast but it feels right epitomises the way these two only want one another's happiness (even if Maggie's expression as Liza goes to call Charles and tell him she will be moving in indicates she is going to very much miss her roommate). I loved hearing about and imagining them drinking wine and binging The Great British Bake Off and just how well they know and value one another, ugh, I could not gush more about all of it and this whole exchange felt like such a treat. I was envisioning Kelsey moving in once Liza moved out and I'm still holding out hope for this to happen when Liza does eventually make the move (remaining optimistic on this one even though I do pine for Liza/Maggie loft moments).

The sneak peek for this week showed us yet another golden interaction and that was, of course, Diana telling Charles about her engagement to Enzo. The main takeaways are a) Diana referring to herself as Charles' work wife and Charles's amused smile; b) Diana asking Charles for his blessing and him not really knowing why but giving it and; c) the longest hug in the world as Diana coaxes Charles into announcing her engagement to the office. I love that the interactions between these two always have a slightly awkward undertone but there is genuine care and warmth too. Diana telling Charles that he has always been able to read her like a book (lol) and the two sitting there with their hands together was just such a testament to their fabulously wacky relationship.

What better way to ensure that any DRAH-MAH unfolds in an overwhelmingly public forum than the morning meeting reveal that there is a Publishers Weekly Debutante Ball (for first time authors)  thrown every year! Turns out this is the event of the season, despite it being the first time Liza has heard about it (to be fair she has probs been distracted by the faux millennial facade previous years so didn't clock that this was a legit thing). I am digging Kelsey heading up and holding her own in these meetings, she is definitely stepping up to her new role it seems and I am keen to see how it continues to develop.  And those little looks across the conference room table between Charles and Liza, I see you.

Zane's gears still seem stuck on obnoxious since last ep, first throwing in Jake Devereux as a suggested author for the deb (a clear jab at Kelsey) and then putting his foot in it after hearing Diana's news by suggesting that DeLuca is 'better than Trout'. First of all, who in their right mind would say that out loud, let alone assume an established woman in her 40's (or any woman for that matter) is going to take a new husband's surname? Though Diana DeLuca is pretty great, I could definitely see her using it as an alias during future hi-jinx (preferably with Liza now that they can be actual proper friends, but I'm getting ahead of myself).

Right from the get go Her Majesty D. Trout is taking none of Zane's rubbish, asking him to use his words when he finally offers up PTB as a deb option and her zero tolerance for insolence continues when she corrects his question of who she's engaged to with, 'to whom'. At this stage of my love for this character, I'm really just wondering what sized portrait of Diana I should put in my shrine to her. This all comes out after Charles is prompted to announce Diana's big news (I'm kind of loving that Charles is a bit hopeless at remembering these sorts of details, last week when he'd failed to mention Bob and Julia would be on their table, then this week with the announcement...soon enough we'll be regaling ourselves with a collection of these, and we'll laugh and shake our heads as we mutter 'classic Chaz' under our breath) and it is of course Liza's reaction that is next level and so freaking OTT and I love it with every fibre of my being. Seriously, her yell-cheering and clapping is me in any excitement-inducing situation. My love for her love of Diana starts here and embarks on one hell of a ride from here onward during this ep.

While this episode certainly had a more serious tone than some others (I think this was definitely emphasised by the music choices too, there was a distinct lack of the usual pop/vocal and much more instrumental), Liza following Diana into her office semi-screeching, 'I'm so excited, why aren't you more excited?' met by Diana's 'Liza, please deactivate yourself', was hilarious. Diana asked Liza to be maid of honour in a way only Diana could and I tell you what, I damn delighted in that one hug a year. Everything about this scene was SO good, which of course meant that there was a dagger waiting right around the corner to plunge into our rib-cages and shatter our hearts into a million pieces (I wish I was being dramatic but where is the lie?)

That dagger's name is Pauline and it's during lunch that Liza discovers her real motivation for being all chummy and that is wanting Liza to help with her new book. Always a smart cookie, Liza agrees, in exchange for Pauline attending the Debutante Ball as Millennial's deb (I have to admit I did chuckle with the 'do you need to borrow a dress?' line). Despite dodgy af being Pauline's general modus operandi, I actually do think she was being sincere in her initial offer to move forward and let the whole 'you're-now-with-my-husband-and-my-kids-love-you-maybe-more-than-me-because-I-abandoned-them-for-a-year-at-a-pivotal-point-in-their-development' thing slide for the sake of maintaining some sort of relationship with her soon-to-be ex-husband and their children. If only she knew that the reason Liza understood her better than any of her current editors was because they were basically the same age and had similar life experiences...

...well THANK GOD for Mrs. Clipper, the true villain of the episode if you ask me, who quite frankly can't seem to get her paws on that copy of Liza's drivers license fast enough after Pauline tells her that men in her circle are always leaving their wives for assistants in their twenties. I might be off on an island on my own here, but you know what, I actually felt sorry for Pauline in this moment. In her mind Charles has also been deceived and by extension, her children, so I completely understand her initial reaction and feeling that she needs to tell Charles immediately and rescue him from this betrayal.

That all goes down at the Debutante Ball because it must of course, but first we catch Kelsey, Lauren and Zane reminiscing about their own proms at this prom for grown ups, with Lauren here for it and we unsurprisingly discover Zane was prom king (I heart Lauren's 'that tracks' comment). You always know whatever's about to go down is extra EXTRA when you see a couple of characters blissfully happy and unaware everything is about to implode, such as Charles and Liza celebrating their moving-in milestone, before Liza is whisked away backstage. When Charles is confronted by frantic Pauline and she discovers he knew about the lie too, I could imagine that up until that point she thought this would be something that would bond them in outrage, but it ended up being just another blow. While Pauline clearly has impulse issues and a pretty prominent vindictive streak, I do think it's one thing to wrap her head around her husband falling in love with a younger woman (though I do not understand on what planet Pauline thought she could piss off for a year on her own terms with zero communication and then just return to her life and there would be no upheaval) but the discovery that it was someone she could consider a peer would cut deeper.

As Pauline latched on to Liza's arm, it was like watching a live animal being led into the lion enclosure at dinner time.  I'm breaking out in a stress sweat just thinking about this scene, even though you could see it coming it was utterly shocking to watch unfold. The announcer emphasising that theirs was the only partnership in which the mentor was younger ensured the dagger was perfectly lined up before Pauline once again applied some revisionist history to her abandonment of the family, making a point of coming across as the blameless victim whose husband was 'lost' to the assistant standing beside her. As Pauline keeps talking Charles is clearly wary and concerned about where this is going and Kelsey quickly clues in just as Pauline drops that Liza is in fact 42 years old and the entire room gasps and murmurs and revels in the audacious reveal.

Enter Diana and that dagger is twisted well and truly into my fragile heart as she immediately assumes that 'this woman is deranged' and jumps to the defence of Liza, despite Charles and Liza trying to stop her. The fact that Diana tells Charles that she will not let this woman 'slander us', that she sees them as one united team, and holds Liza in such high esteem that she would put her own fear of making a scene aside to protect Liza's integrity, only made Liza's confirmation that 'it's true' even more heart-shattering. Miriam Shor deserves every damn award created for her acting in this entire episode, but the last 10 minutes in particular are nothing short of phenomenal. When Diana realises that Charles and Kelsey knew and that she had just made a spectacle of herself in front of a room full of the most important people in publishing, her need to escape is understandable and a panic attack is not an unreasonable physical response to such a huge revelation in such a public forum (I mean I was basically having one watching it all tbh).

Enzo's relief upon hearing that it was a panic attack is palpable and the interaction between him and Diana in the hospital may well be my favourite between these two yet. We see Diana as we've never seen her in this series; vulnerable, emotional, no necklace and no makeup. Always one to deliver a stellar line, her response to Enzo's 'how are you?',  'I'm fine, I've just lost trust in humanity as a whole, but other than that I'm fine', was on point and Enzo's response that 'she looks good' when Diana shares Liza's true age was A+ (for line and delivery). It is Diana's embarrassment at being that 'village idiot' when everybody else knew (I really wanted to somehow jump into my screen in that moment and tell her that Lauren and Zane didn't know either, it's not just you!) that took my heart pieces and trampled on them some more. I think it's because she is always so composed and controlled, but seeing Diana holding onto Enzo and saying that she just wants him, demonstrates how much he steadies her and allows her to be herself.

Just outside the room, Charles and Liza face a step back as Pauline has phoned to say she wants to re-visit the custody agreement (which I really struggle to see the relevance of or how Liza saying she was younger is anywhere near as bad as up and leaving your two small children for a year but sure, I'll play along for the sake of drama), which means that they cannot move in together as planned, Liza's lie has now impacted the man she loves as well as Diana and Charles feels responsible for Pauline exposing Liza the way she did. Liza reassuring Charles that he was just protecting her and the way he pulled her in to comfort her made any remnants of my shattered heart swell. It was such a tender moment between them and there was something about the parallel of Enzo comforting Diana in the room at the same time, whether intentional or not, that really stressed the uncertainty and distress both women were experiencing.

Josh phoning Liza to give her a hard time about being an upper East side lady was actually a really nice way to see this friendship developing (I would definitely expect my friends to do that) because had the timing not been so atrocious, I assume it would've been an otherwise pleasant conversation in which he would be happy for her (that's what I'm going with anyway). Obviously this call was to show that Liza's lie has once again stonewalled her and stopped her being able to move forward in her life and that she feels she's messed up everything at work and for Charles with his kids. Since learning that there were a number of deleted scenes, including the one in which Diana got her engagement ring, I must say that I feel like the phone call could probably have been omitted in lieu of progressing Diana's story for this episode and the choice to include it definitely feels like an extremely contrived attempt to stoke the triangle.

The fallout from the age reveal will no doubt play out over the coming episodes, however Lauren and Zane are still trying to wrap their heads around it the next morning (and again Zane, why on EARTH do you think you would've been someone who should know this information? I think I can count on one hand the number of conversations I've seen Liza and Zane have. Actually, no I can't because it's so few I can't even remember one) but I will say that I paused on the article Lauren is reading and Jackie Dunn has given a statement in it and this show, I swear, it outdoes itself even when no-one might notice. I appreciated Kelsey's itchy scalp to emphasise the stress of the situation and Lauren addressing Liza as 'Ma'am' was pretty darn funny (though I am a bit surprised at Lauren's reaction. I thought she'd be more intrigued and want to know all the details of how she did it etc.) But it is the final 3 minutes of this week's episode that absolutely blew me away and left me quite literally crying on the train as I watched.

There have been moments that have made me tear up and certainly times when character interactions have held such meaning on this show that the feelings are many, but there really never has been a scene like the one between Diana and Liza at the end of this week's episode of Younger. Diana's minimal make up and jewellery emphasised the rawness and realness of the entire exchange. Diana saying that she wouldn't have hired Liza if she'd known and Liza being able to say, 'exactly', made the point of why she told the initial lie so simply. In that moment Diana can understand Liza's need to lie about her age, but it is Diana's search for why, beyond that initial deceit, did Liza fetch her coffee and lunch and her urine samples...and hold her hand on the red carpet and convince her to go after Enzo...that she needs to know if everything else was real or was it part of the ploy to uphold the lie. Seeing Diana with her heart on her sleeve, needing to know if her perception of their relationship was a farce, was one of the most powerful moments, if not THE most powerful moment of this series. 

The resolution, that ‘honesty is the best policy’ and that Liza is no longer her maid of honour but her ‘old maid of honour’ could not have been more perfect. And in case I wasn’t already a blubbering mess, Diana’s emotional, ‘I just want to say...’ which Liza instinctively answered with, ‘I love you too’ did me in completely and honestly, the whole thing is so sublime, what an absolute gift.  No words I write can do justice to the incredible performances of Miriam Shor and Sutton Foster so I really can only suggest you go and watch the final scene again for yourself.

This episode of Younger really was something else. After five and a half seasons, Liza is finally free from her lie, she can FINALLY live her life without wondering if or when or how it is going to catch up with her. It feels like a big sigh of relief. For me this episode also showed how much more compelling it is for the drama to sit in the space of these women navigating friendships and work dynamics and how much the focus on the triangle detracts from what this show is actually about. It's not that often you get to watch an episode of a show you love and think, 'that episode is going to go down as one of the best in the series', but 'Debu-taunt' will without a doubt hold it's place as one of the best.   

[thelowlysatsuma]

Ramble in whatever form you choose. I won’t be able to be active all the time so if you want to be able to do it whenever you want I’d say text posts but I’ll also try to occasionally ask you about them so there’s some variety

!!! okay! well i think i’ll choose a couple from the list that i haven’t made many posts about before (aka no ts or go) and ramble on here!

oof under the cut bc idk how long this will get

steven universe

oh hon don’t even get me STARTED on su like that shit? that shit is so good? okay first of all i love the cast so much? gosh they’re just all so sweet and cool and sometimes they collab w/ thomas sanders and i love rebecca sugar and im gonna cry they’re so sweet im so soft

okay SECONDLY the show itself oof

okay okay im just? god im so soft?? like the music is so good, i can (and do) watch it w/ my parents, GOD do i wanna cosplay pearl’s new outfit (and rainbow 2.0, if i can pull it off), im in love with the concept and all the fusions and the story and the worldbuilding and god, this made me realize my utter love and adoration of COLOURS like they’re so PRETTY im in LOVE oh my gOD and just

god it has such a good message and such a good plot and such good characters i wanna be steven’s friend i wanna be all of their friends oh man i just can’t wait until my baby cousins are old enough for me to show this to them because i’m going to enjoy that experience so much

ducktales

oh jfc where the fuck do i even start with ducktales okay david tennant as scrooge mcduck makes my fucking life literally he’sthe best goddamn charaacter in the show – well, best besides the triplets (my BOYS), webby (!!! my KID), f e n t o n (god i love that nerd), mark beaks (what an asshole), mrs beakley (i wanna be her when i grow up), launchpad (!!! he!!), and so many others??? this is like serious every character in the show erasure but hot damn duck tales says gay rights and it does so in style (oh yeah also i love lena della donald oh webby’s new friend whose name i forget uhhh herules oh the inventor guy fenton’s boss that dipshit love him uhhh gandra dee who’s voiced by jameela jamil if im not mistaken??????) and yeah it’s a hilarious show but it’s also just a really good one for me to watch whenever i start to like. feel empty inside?? but then like i’ll put on ducktales and i’ll feel better

gravity falls

this show. this show RUINED ME. i started watching it like four years late (aka last year lmao) but GOD, im so in love with it. def another one i wanna show my cousins.

like?? just??? the ciphers and mysteries appeal so much to me and my love of mystery and crime novels, the characters are all amazing, alex hirsch himself is just such a g?? and like. it’s so good. it hurts me so much but then it’s all okay in the end and it’s just. it’s so good.

yeah i sobbed my eyes out when i watched that series finale.

camp camp, which somehow i forgot on my other list

god, is this show hilarious. like, fuck is it funny. it’s so good. it’s so fucking good. i was a little shocked when i saw the first episode but i’m so into it now, and i’m so attatched to all the characters bc they’re just dumbasses trying their best (or worst, in a few cases) and i love them for it. that’s peak fool energy right there and it speaks to me

orphan black

okay okay okay veering now into a much darker type of television, orphan black is??? phenominal???

okay so my best friend @fuck-me-gently-with-a-slurpee got me into it when i was like 14 or 15 i think and i honestly cannot thank her enough because this show is incredible. the plot’s super engaging, i literally cannot say anything about it without giving away spoilers, and the main character has quite possibly the best actor i’ve ever seen playing her

like. you think thomas sanders is good? he ain’t got SHIT on tatianna maslany

mythbusters

you guys. you guys. mythbusters was my childhood. like seriously, i watched that show religiously.

it’s what first got me into science, and it’s what kept me interested in explosions. it’s light and funny and ridiculous and scientifically accurate in the dumbest ways possible. i swear to god the main cast nearly dies once an episode

these guys are my idols. like, i seriously cannot overstate how much i love the mythbusters. adam and jamie, tori, kari, and grant.

when i was a kid, i wanted to be a mythbuster when i grew up, and god damnit, i still do. they mean that much to me

bill nye

fun fact! i actually had no fuckin clue who bill nye was until seventh grade, when i had to watch an episode of his show for homework because i missed a day of class. it was the episode on static electricity, and i remember sitting at my dining room table in the dim winter afternoon light, squinting at my computer, and thinking “what the FUCK am i WATCHING?”

needless to say, i’ve seen more since then, but that initial what the fuckery is still present and i love it.

not only is bill nye the science guy a flippin fantstic show, but bill nye himself? the coolest guy alive. god, i love him. what a g.

various comedians including but not limited to john mulaney,john oliver, and hasan minhaj

okay, as a gay, i am legally required to love john mulaney, but seriously that guy is so. fuckin. funny that i can’t help myself. his timing is priceless, the way he moves onstage is hysterical, just. god i love his stuff.

literally his comedic timing and style is half the reason people find me funny. i just phrase my sentences the way he would because, you know, i’m good at stealing things, and people laugh, and i go “hey. that actually worked”. and then i keep doing it

next, john oliver. okay, so while i don’t watch his show religiously, i do watch it when my parents do every now and again, and fuck is his stuff funny. like. just. shit.

finally, hasan minhaj’s patriot act is just. one of my favourite current events comedy shows out there. it’s in a similar vein to john oliver’s stuff, just more international, and shit, is he good at what he does. i lvoe it.

hoodwinked the movie (i am dead serious)

okay, while i haven’t seen it in over four years, this is still my favourite movie of all time. it also has one of my favourite villain songs of all times, and some of the best character exchanges just. ever. especially with wolf and twitchy

...god, i love twitchy. also the goat. i’m probably gonna be the goat when i grow up, let’s be honest

one day at a time

i just.

there’s so much to say about odaat. like. it’s so funny. it makes me nearly cry every episode (and makes my mother actually cry every episode). the characters, god, the characters

like. alex is such a cute dumb kid (who’s smarter than he looks), penelope is so salty constantly and i love her but she’s genuinely so cool and such a good mom and i cry??? elena is so amazing like god she’s such a fuckin nerd but she’s also so salty (takes after her mom) and is literally the best????

and then there’s abuelita, whom i adore. like, god, rita moreno is SO cool and SUCH a great actress and has SUCH an amazing sense of comedic timing and GOD, i LOVE HER

can’t forget about syd and doc berkowitz, which like. okay first off the good doc. just. god i love the doc. he’s so sweet and such a genuinely good dude and he’s a bit of a coward at heart but that’s okay because he genuinely cares and does his best and god he’s just such an amazing character im !!!!! and then syd is such a dork and i love them and elena and god, it made me so happy to see not only an actual enby character on a big sitcom, but also just?? like??? it’s not forced but it’s still there??? like there’s one episode where one of the plots is just syd and elena trying to figure out what elena should call them, since neither of them are comfy using “girlfriend” for syd since they’re not a girl, and they finally agree on “significant other” and schneider imMEDIATELY says “dont you mean, SYDnificant other?” and then they use that for the REST OF THE SHOW IT”S SO CUTE OKAY

and finally, schneider. he might be my favourite character in the entire show (which is a damn hard list to pick from!!!), but he’s just. he’s so sweet, he and penelope have one of the absolute best male/female friendships i’ve ever seen (which! never! turns! romantic! ever!!!), he’s actually got surprising depths but he’s also like such a nice goofball that when they get revealed, it hurts, and he’s just this canadian dumbass (heyyyyy repreSENT) with the worst goddamn canadian accent sometimes and he’s a hipster and The Dumb Friend and the weird uncle all rolled into one and GOD, i love him so much

the good place and brooklyn 99

okay, i love these two both so, so much, but i’m lumping them together because a) they’re both mike schur shows with a similar sense of humour, that say gay rights, and with characters who’d definitely love each other if they met and b) my hand is getting tired from all this typing but i still have so much  love to go around!!!!

okay so so SO! they’re both so good. they’re so fucking funny and amazing and i was immediately hooked on both of their pilots. their characters are all so genuine and flawed and fucking hysterical to watch, and the ships and friendships are all so amazing and pure and good and soft and they have their problems and they WORK THEM OUT HEALTHILY AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY OKAY!!!

god, i literally cannot overstate how much i adore these two shows. mike schur, you’re a wonderful, wonderful dude. thank you so much

many musicals (top faves include BOM, hamilton, legally blonde, chicago, matilda, and more!)

i’m putting the musicals together because while i do adore each and every one of them individually, i also just have great big deep-seated love of the art of musical theatre itself in general, ya feel?

like, as someone who’s been both performing and viewing them from a very young age, the sheer sense of utter joy they bring is almost unparalleled

not to be That Bitch who quotes musicals, but “and that hop in our hearts as the overture starts lets us know how lucky we are” might be the closest i’ve ever gotten to finding words to fit the feeling when the lights go down and the show begins. it’s simply phenomenal

the others series by anne bishop

okay, OKAY, if you haven’t read this series (first book called written in red – they have terrible titles but god, they’re worth it), then what are you doing with your life? like, not only is there the perfect logicality au to them (just sayin’), but god, it’s such an incredible series

the worldbbuilding is so cool and the characters are all great and god the ships are the damn hill i die on it’s got literally such a good “sort of enemies mostly just dislike each other to reluctant acquaintances to friends to lovers” ship and it deals with some serious issues rlly well and it’s got baby puppies!!!

like, they’re wolf puppies, but still, they are b a b e y

and finally (for now, at least), the mysterious benedict society, by trenton lee stewart

this book series was my childhood. i mean, there are so many other books i could be talking about right now that i utterly adore (the artemis fowl series springs to mind), but gosh, MBS just brings me such absolute joy to read that i just had to have it on here.

i’m not thinking straight at this point in the evening, but i just wanna say that i will never, not ever forget about reynie. about kate. about sticky. about constance. about rhonda and number two and milligan and miss perumal and my absolute son sq pedalian and, of course, i will never, never forget about mr benedict

it’s bright, and it’s bittersweet, and it’s beautiful.

and it’s good. simply, utterly, wonderfully good.

thank you for the ask, anon.

thank you.

[itsdannyg]

James Roday on Reddit discussing Treehouse

Reddit with JAMES RODAY

I’m James Roday from Psych and A Million Little Things. I also directed two horror movies for Blumhouse’s Into the Dark Horror Anthology Series on Hulu. AMA!

JAMES RODAY: Roday here. I think. I'm typing things in a box so that seems encouraging.

JAMES RODAY: I think I'm an hour early. That's the first time in my adult life this has ever happened. I'll pop back by a little later. And I'll be READY.

JAMES RODAY: Yo! How about I knock out these early bird questions like a baller.

QUESTION (CharlotteBeer): Given your latest is part of a seasonal series, when did you start work on the script -- and how long did it take you? How did y'all settle on the Ides of March?)

JAMES RODAY: CharlotteBeer -- it all came together very quickly because of my schedule on AMLT. Got the thumbs up in April and we were shooting in early June. It was an idea I had been kicking around for years but current climate and conversation definitely opened a window and my collaborators and I jumped through it.

CharlotteBeer -- Oh, and we settled on International Women's Day. Hulu made it Ides of March.

ASSHOLE QUESTION (yanderebeats): So uh what the fuck was that scene with them putting the snake on his arm? Like what was the direction given to mcpoyle exactly, did you specifically tell him to do the worst job possible or what

JAMES RODAY: Yandererbeats -- 1. Well, the dude is tripping on psychotropes so he's seeing all kinds of shit and the ladies are using that to their advantage. 2. No, I think Jimmi Simpson is a genius and generally requires little direction from me 3 (bonus) You sure this is what you want to be doing with your time?

QUESTION (ConicalSun): What advice would you give to someone that wants to pursue work in film? Directing in particular.

JAMES RODAY: ConicalSun -- Make something. Get familiar with a camera and how to shoot. If you can afford to take a filmmaking class that provides instruction and equipment, sometimes that helps speed the plow. But I'm guessing you know what you like and don't like about movies and it's easier than ever to get out there and make your own content so give it a whirl.

QUESTION (psych-o5life): Out of every character you have ever played, which one are you most like?

JAMES RODAY: psych0-5life -- Probably the dude I'm playing now on AMLT.

QUESTION (seppukuu): What is your writing process like? Do you live out the stories in your head or, since you usually have a writing partner, do you prefer a more systematic approach that involves discussions and outlines?

JAMES RODAY: Seppukuu -- Todd and I have been writing together for over 20 years now. We have such a great shorthand that we can accomplish a lot quickly without spending much time in a room together. Vodka helps. We talk story, specific scenes and generally write the stuff we see best in our heads, respectively. Once we have a very rough draft, everything becomes much easier and the streamlining and polishing begins. That's generally when character voices really start to take shape as well.

seppukuu: In vodka veritas!

QUESTION (Nikesneaker): Hi James!

Do you have a favorite director/actor/actress that you look up to as a “hero”?

P.S. supa excited for Psych: The Movie 2

JAMES RODAY: Nikespeaker -- I grew up an enormous fan of Val Kilmer as an actor, Rick Baker and a SPX Make Up Artist and Stanley Kubrick as a director. I'd add Bergman, Wes Craven, John Landis and Quentin Tarantino to the list of directors I've really appreciated over the years and Lynne Ramsay is an absolute force of nature. I also CANNOT WAIT to see what Julia Decournau does next after RAW...

QUESTION (mooviescribe): If you were to direct another horror feature (not for Dark Horror), what type of script catches your eye?

JAMES RODAY: mooviescribe -- I will def be directing more horror. I love the genre and believe there are plenty more good stories to be told. As for scripts -- anything that moves me catches my eye. Being scared is fun but if it makes you think and feel -- that's the real fire starter

JAMES RODAY: I just realized I can reply to questions by hitting reply. This is GOOD SHIT.

QUESTION (Wizardmer): I am such a huge fan of Psych, and some of my favorite episodes were the fun homages to classic horror movies, here's lassie was my personal favorite. Was there any other horror movies you wanted to do as an episode?

How did the costume design come to life for treehouse? I loved those awesome outfits, super dope

JAMES RODAY: They let me check most all the remaining horror boxes in A Nightmare on State Street. It's just a big sloppy buffet but I loved every minute of it. Costume and mask design were the work of the incredibly talented Diane Crooke. She was one of a whole team of lady designers that elevated every element of Treehouse and I am eternally grateful.

QUESTION (UHeardAboutPluto): Have you heard about Pluto?

JAMES RODAY: That's messed up, right?

UHeardAboutPluto: James, you have made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Pysch is my favorite show ever, and that response from you was perfect. Thank you for being awesome!

QUESTION (AsymptoticGames): I just want to point out that I love when co-stars of some of my favorite shows hang out outside of the show. On that note, how was Dule Hill's wedding?

JAMES RODAY: Beautiful.

QUESTION (psych-o5life): Are you helping with production on Psych the Movie 2?

JAMES RODAY: Co-wrote the adventure and we're prepping it now. Steve will be directing and it's gonna be sweet.

QUESTION (bakuryu69): Hey big fan James - what drew you to directing horror. Will you be doing more work in the genre (possibly pineapple related)?

JAMES RODAY: I've been a fan of horror since I was old enough to know what movies were. Somehow convinced my mother that I loved being scared and wanted to learn how all the cool special fx and make up worked. She went for it.

QUESTION (Maxzhouse): Hey man, I really dig your work. I was wondering if you’re into writing and if so what your process looks like? Thanks mate!

JAMES RODAY: It generally looks like one inspired hour of writing a day and 23 hours of procrastination and thinking I should never write again.

Maxzhouse: Ah a man after my own heart! Thanks for answering brother, Hope the best for you and yours. Peace, love & Mercy

QUESTION (seppukuu): You said before that your high school production of Elephant Man was the most challenging acting gig you've ever done. Is this still true, and would you like to do it again now that you have considerably more experience under your belt? What would be another (type of) character you'd find most challenging/exciting to play?

JAMES RODAY: I'm too old to dip back into John Merrick's skin but man that is a tough play to pull off. Moving forward, I think characters that are well written with a real point of view (good or bad) are the ones that we all want to play as actors.

QUESTION (TheReelPliskin): Hey James. I just wanted to say you're awesome! I've been watching everything you're in or a part of ever since I saw a little movie called Rolling Kansas. Can't wait for the new Psych movie and I fell I'll hafta get Hulu now so I can see your new movies. Ok. Enough of that. Now for the question. Outside of Psych and Little Things, what is one of your personal favorite movie or show you've been a part of? P.S. . . SUCK IIIIIIT!!!

JAMES RODAY: It's gotta be Treehouse. And a tiny film I was lucky enough to be a part of a few years back called Pushing Dead directed by Tom Brown. Worth checking out. Important subject matter.

QUESTION (deadpool902): Hey James!

Quick two-part question:

What aspect of anthology storytelling entices you the most?

Were there any horror stories or films that you turned to for inspiration when directing for Into the Dark, and if so what were they?

Thanks for stopping by and I can't wait for your return to Santa Barbara!

JAMES RODAY:

The fact that, in this case, 12 different filmmakers got to come in and do anything they wanted without worrying about stepping on toes or syncing up with any of the other films

Raw, Thelma, Goodnight Mommy -- 70s horror.

QUESTION (tedlogan43): Mr. Roday - Gravy was fantastic, A Million Little Things blows my mind, and Psych is a part of who I am at my core. I wanted to ask what it is like to get to continue working with so many great professionals like Dule Hill, Michael Weston and Jimmi Simpson. Do you feel like your continued projects with them are improved by your on-going relationships with them? Thanks for the profound impact your roles have had on my life!

JAMES RODAY: I am tremendously lucky to have so many insanely talented besties. I am no dummy. I surround myself with ladies and gents that make me look way better than I deserve and will continue to do so as long as they'll let me.

QUESTION (fangirl005): What is the best thing about working on AMLT?

JAMES RODAY: The cast. And knowing that we're dealing with issues that affect so many people every day. It feels good to be a part of those conversations in even the smallest of ways.

QUESTION (jmsturm): Hi Mr Roday, big fan.

Who would win if Shawn went head to head with the Mentalist?

JAMES RODAY: Well he'd def be the comic relief.

QUESTION (TheWalkingGamefreak): Good evening James, just want to say hi

JAMES RODAY: sup

QUESTION (seppukuu): Marvel called and wants to give you half a billion dollars to direct Guardians of the Galaxy 3. Do you accept, and would you still try and shoot it in 3 weeks on a 200 dollar budget instead?

JAMES RODAY: hahaha. that's a great answer and the honest to God answer is that I'd only do it if I thought I could bring something unique or unexpected to the fanbase. Otherwise there are plenty of ladies and gents for the job.

QUESTION (FusionCinemaProd): What would you say is the most creative horror film of the last decade?

JAMES RODAY: Creative? That's pretty subjective. I'd say last years reboot of Suspiria was a pretty big creative swing that mostly succeeded IMHO. And I stand by RAW as one of the best films of the last decade, period.

FusionCinemaProd: Raw is a fantastic film. I’ll have to check Suspiria out on blu ray when it comes out here in the UK.

QUESTION (modsrfagbags): What was your favorite “Gus don’t be...” line from Psych? My favorites gotta be either “eleven and a half pound Black Forest ham” or “the 100th luftballoon”

JAMES RODAY: I am a sucker for a luft balloon

modsrfagbags: Oh shit thanks for responding

QUESTION (imdannyg): Have to admit, the torture scenes with Peter Rake (Jimmi Simpson) gave me flashbacks to your work in Blood Drive. Is there any connection there at all and/or did it prepare you in anyway for this scene in Treehouse?

JAMES RODAY: Welcome Daniel. You know I hadn't thought about it until just now. The two projects are so tonally different but I'll say this -- shooting scenes designed around a character that cannot move is challenging to say the least. Blood Drive probably did serve as a dry run for me without even realizing it.

QUESTION (seppukuu): Have you ever done special effects make-up on another person? If not, would you like to try or are you happy watching the professionals do it for you?

JAMES RODAY: I used to do it quite a bit as a kid. There's a reason I didn't end up being the next Rick Baker.

QUESTION (HippoMafia42): Hey James, huge psych fan here, I know psych the movie 2 will start production sometime this month, but when will that be? Hopefully within the week?:)

JAMES RODAY: Soon. We need a little time to find and build things.

QUESTION (miatosc): What was your favorite scene to shoot this season on a million little things?

JAMES RODAY: There were so many. My scenes with Colin the dog in the "day before" episode were especially sweet.

miatosc: haha! I was guessing any scene with Colin since he’s such a sweet dog.

QUESTION (thepineapplesplat): James! Man glad to hear your free-spirit self. Huge fan of Psych and no matter how much I’ve watched the episodes over and over it never ceases to make me smile. You were apart of a master piece and taught me to always stay true to the inner child in me. Absolute master piece!

Serious question, do you see yourself doing any meet and greets with fans in Canada? Perhaps in Vancouver where Psych was shot?

JAMES RODAY: thanks! So glad it resonated with you. As for meeting fans, I'm always happy to say hi -- I struggle with the format of conventions because I wish fans didn't have to spend their money. They already do so much by just watching and keeping shows on the air....

thepineapplesplat: Yeah definitely makes sense. Meeting you and Dule Hill is definitely on my bucket list. I’m not a huge on meeting celebrities (I think of them as regular people) but psych stars will definitely hold a place in my childhood/adolescence memories. Thanks for bringing it to life! Sorry if I seem like I’m fan girl-ing out haha!

QUESTION (seppukuu): Will we ever see a new play written (and directed) by you?

JAMES RODAY: someday.

QUESTION (psych-o5life): What was your favorite episode of Psych to film?

JAMES RODAY: Probably Dual Spires because it was the closest I'll ever get to being in Twin Peaks.

QUESTION (NateLeport): What was your favorite episode of psych to work on? What was your favorite running gag like the pineapple, I’ve heard it both ways, come on son, I’m Shawn spencer and this is my partner ____, etc.

JAMES RODAY: I became partial to singing suck it towards the end

QUESTION (leeselislisuh): What was your biggest recurring nightmare as a kid? Mine happened a lot when my mom was pregnant with my little sister, and I kept dreaming she'd be born with a full set of very pointy teeth. Horrifying. Huge fan and excited to see more of your work!!

JAMES RODAY: What a question. And what a nightmare. I used to dream that I was a werewolf but I thought that was awesome and didn't want to wakeup

QUESTION (bsischo): When does the next Psych movie come out? I loved that series and I really enjoyed the last movie.

JAMES RODAY: Good question and not sure of the answer. If I had to guess I'd say around the holidays again

bsischo: Really looking forward to it!!!

QUESTION (imdannyg): How did the music choices for Treehouse play out? Priscilla Ahn's Under the Covers is the bomb!

JAMES RODAY: All those needle drops are in the script. I tend to write very specifically to music and, knowing we'd have little to know music budget, I chose songs we had shot at getting. We got all of them. Priscilla, per usual, stepped up and wrote something incredible just for the movie. Another ridiculously talented dear friend who I will employ forever and ever as long as she says yes.

QUESTION (TheWriteOwl): James, thank you so much for doing an AMA and letting us all fan-girl our hearts out. I think it's rare to see someone who moves as smoothly as you do from being a comedic genius in a show like Psych and a thrill master in movies like Treehouse.

What attracted you to these two, disparate genres, and can you speak a little bit about why you think you've seen so much success in both?

JAMES RODAY: Better to be lucky than good and I've been very lucky. I have dedicated myself to being as good as humanly possible to try and make sense of how blessed I've been. Growing up, horror and comedy were the genres I gravitated to the most so they've been in my bones for a very long time. I still remember seeing An American Werewolf in London in the theaters as a six year old. That just about sums me up.

TheWriteOwl: Your dedication and your inherent love for what you do really shows up in your work. As a fan, it's awesome to see - thank you!

QUESTION (eppukuu): Film or digital?

JAMES RODAY: Film. But I do understand the revolution. We shot the first three seasons of Psych on film and Tuesday the 17th was shot on Super 16 which is one of my very favorite formats. There's something truly special about knowing you only have so much film to shoot on and so many takes to get it -- really brings a crew and cast together. And it just looks so good. Though technology has definitely curbed that with HD.

QUESTION (angelusgirl): I started watching Psych after I watched the awesome episode Dual Spires. What was your favorite Twin Peaks Easter egg in the episode or memory of filming it?

JAMES RODAY: The last scene in the diner was a blast because it was a basket of easter eggs. And I'll never forget watching the cast of my favorite show reunite in real time at the Sutton Place bar. Some of them hadn't seen each other in 25 years.

angelusgirl: And a follow up if I may, what did you think of the showtime season?

JAMES RODAY: Well. I loved it because it felt like the deepest recesses of David Lynch's mind were turned loose and who knows if or when we'll get to experience that again. That said, I understand why it wasn't for everyone and if you came in expecting an evolution of the original series....well, you probably didn't get what you were hoping for.

QUESTION (cabose7): How is Timothy Omundson doing?

JAMES RODAY: He's such a badass and he's doing great. He has exceeded expectations at every turn and I cannot wait to bring Lassie back home.

QUESTION (]miatosc): what’s it like working with Allison Miller? She seems super funny and passionate about her work.

JAMES RODAY: Miller is a truly gifted performer. I lucked out getting her as a scene partner. She pushes me, carries me and makes me better. No question.

QUESTION (imdannyg): Did you write Agnes with Nancy Charles in mind? She (and all the cast) is incredible!

JAMES RODAY: We did not but boy did she come into her audition and own that role. When she left we all looked at each other and were like "well, that's that."

QUESTION (seppukuu): You survived the (non-zombie related) apocalypse. The planet is a wasteland. What do you miss most?

JAMES RODAY: Dogs and pals.

QUESTION (mndrlyn): Hi James! Two questions. 1. Does the beard stay for the new Psych movie? 2. What do you do in your off time that makes you happy?

JAMES RODAY: You'll just have to wait and....oh who are we kidding, Shawn doesn't have a beard. I generally spend as much time in NYC as I can and relax by thinking about the next juicy thing I can make. And vodka and sports.

QUESTION (psych-o5life): Do you know what's gonna happen in AMLT season 2?

JAMES RODAY: I may know a thing or two -- which still leaves close to a million

JAMES RODAY: You awesome ladies and gents I'm gonna wrap this up in the next five minutes. We've actually gone over an hour and I don't want to break Reddit.

QUESTION (imdannyg): What are the most difficult constraints to overcome with a limited budget such as this? Is it just time, is it human resources, is it gadget/technology oriented issues? What extra thing would help the most with a limited budget like Treehouse?

JAMES RODAY: All of the above. And I would always choose time over money.

QUESTION (SydneyHollow): Shawn was a big hero of mine for a long time. Then I realized over time that Shawn is a huge dick. Nevertheless, your ability to breathe such life into his character is nothing short of amazing. All the actors on Psych, really, are truly gifted!

​Did you ever have doubts about how successful Psych would be?

JAMES RODAY: Hahaha! I love this. And believe me the longer the show ran, the more challenging it became to keep a character like Shawn digestible. It's like watching Puck of Peter Pan for muuuuch longer than a movie or a play. But yes, that was a wonderful group of actors and humans and we are family. Lightning in a bottle to be sure. The success of Psych never ceases to amaze me. Truly. And that's all because of the fans. 100 percent.

QUESTION (JessicaSimbro): In writing a female role for one of your films, what personality traits does an attractive woman have in your mind? And what then makes that same woman gaspingly frightening?

JAMES RODAY: I believe attractiveness lives primarily on the inside. I'd say the same for what makes anyone frightening.

QUESTION (woahbells): From interviews you seem introverted and introspective but not uncomfortable being questioned about both work and personal topics. Assuming I'm correct and that you are an introvert, how do you reconcile that aspect of your personality with fame?

Also, I noticed the subtle pineapples on Peter's daughter's shirt at the end. Was that intentionally done?

JAMES RODAY: Not my choice but I also didn't veto it so...

QUESTION (firmhair): Come back to White Rock. Our Pier is gone :(

JAMES RODAY: Deal. And with that, thank you all for joining me. It's always a pleasure to connect with you all. If you haven't checked out Treehouse on Hulu, give it a spin. I am enormously proud of the work from all involved and especially grateful for the opportunity to work with and learn from so many talented and insightful women. Be kind to yourselves and others and get ready for a million little spoonfuls of delicious flavor in the future....

[clumsyclifford]

hello!! i am back and on desktop this time. the blog is just as pretty. alex + yellow = v v attractive jfc. this is a long one so buckle in.

to begin: i hope you have the most fun on your day road trip and sing your heart out to atl and taylor swift. i love driving long distances and idk just driving in general is fun. have the absolute best time MWAH

my birthday is in november!! november 23 to be specific. i share it with miley cyrus which is something i always found to be very cool when i was growing up and watching hannah montana. it also means i am a sagittarius and funny little fact i realized is that my best friend is a gemini. alex and jack are also a sagittarius and a gemini. from being 13 i know that tyler and josh from twenty one pilots are also a sagittarius and a gemini. something about sagittarius and gemini besties idk.

also yeah!! ao3 year in review!! it's a bit complicated to figure out at first and if you read a lot the finding pages thing can be pretty tedious, but it's def worth it once you figure it out. it gives you a lot of different stats about everything you read and it's pretty cool. now i am going to go look at your fics to remember my favs. you deserve the praise so i am willing to offer it. jeez you write a lot i respect the motivation sm. you write quite a bit of angst and i won't lie i try to stay away from angst so i haven't read your fics that seem super angst-y based on the tags. BUT there are still so many i recall reading and loving nonetheless. on a quick scroll-through: i usually don't read high school AUs but "paint me in trust (i'll be your best friend)" was super adorable and lovely. "thank god i'm yours" is one of my favs iirc. also i love love love "it's not always easy (but i'm here forever)" like yes please romanticize alex gaskarth i love it sm. "i won't be silent (and i won't let go)" and "i fell asleep in a city that doesn't" are both super fluffy and romantic and are favs of mine. in case you haven't picked up on it i adore very fluffy and romantic fics lmao. alright i am continuing to scroll and there are so many more i could list that i love but this section is getting quite long. just know if it's about a kitchen or hotel rooms being for lovers i probably read it and adored it and that pov is so valid.

waterparks!! will not lie i only really started listening to them about 6 months ago having been distantly aware of their existence for several years by being a fan of bands in the same genre. listen as long as you let yourself be vaguely annoyed by awsten is prevents you from being in love with him. follow him on any social media platform for like a day and you'll be sick of him typing in nothing but all caps within hours. simply do not romanticize him and you can keep yourself from falling!! so this is coming from a slightly fake parx fan, but some of my favs by them have been peach (lobotomy), crave, numb, fuzzy, violet!, you'd be paranoid too, and lowkey as hell. that is a very songs-from-their-most-recent-album-heavy rec, but whatever. i did give the disclaimer about being a fake parx fan.

yeah hayley does have 2 solo albums now!! petals for armor and flowers for vases / descansos. pfa is the one i didn't really like upon first listen but has grown on me. i haven't even listened to the second one in its entirety oops but we won't mention it. dead horse is good but simmer (pretty sure that was the other single??) just ain't it for me. the album has some lovely songs but it's just a hit or miss album all the way through. some favs of mine on it include pure love, taken, crystal clear, watch me while i bloom, and why we ever. it's sorta a storyline album about healing if that adds anything to it?? but anyways. i started listening to paramore around the time after laughter dropped and it grew to be one of my fav albums in existence. idle worship is probably one of my fav songs like ever. i def understand being slightly put off by bands with songs that make religious references (me with twenty one pilots' earlier music that makes a lot more religious references considering i'm not religious whatsoever) but i think i am blinded by being in love with hayley williams and just ignore it. idk that she's like super religious?? she's addressed believing in god and stuff a few times but she's def not the "rub it in your face" type and if she's making refs in music more recently then they're subtle enough i'm not noticing them. ik albums like brand new eyes had a lot more because it was shortly after that the band split and the songwriting process was essentially her and ex-bandmate co-songwriter arguing about their religious beliefs (turns out he ended up being super homophobic and transphobic all based on his religion so do with that what u will and thank the clown for leaving). i feel u on the "i meant to start listening to them" because that's essentially how i started listening to them. i told myself i was going to and then finally forced myself to do it. fuck falling for awsten knight what's more risky is falling in love with hayley </3

also yeah!! you've articulated my feelings towards tde. every song is so vastly different that it's hard to like it all. #1 fan is pretty decent though, and that's not just my bias about finding both ross and his gf hot and a cute couple and getting to see them together and ross half naked in a mirror in the video nope not at all. he's my fav himbo!! he has no personality!! no thoughts head empty!! i still love him and his strawberry-growing saga on twitter tho <3 the hazard of being in love with ross lynch since i was 12. girlfriend better be a fucking banger and there's quite a few already released singles in the tracklist so i have hope. i believe my show is in chicago on november 19 which is a thursday. kinda sucks since i intentionally bought the chicago tix nearly two years ago (the show was originally supposed to be april 25 2020. lol.) because the show was on a saturday and i have to drive 3 hours to get there. obviously i can't speak for them as tde but r5 shows always fucking slapped and i can vouch for them (realized i haven't seem them live since 2016?? 5 YEARS?? wtf) so if u genuinely like them. would recommend going to see them.

anyways. i have not listened to luke's solo album yet. i plan on it. this has gotten so long but i tried to respond in all areas and even organized it in different paragraphs this time (thanks being on desktop!!). hope you are well. hope you have a lovely day. hmm what's a little "going on in my life" fact. i got new glasses a few days ago and my eyes essentially said fuck off because adjusting to the new prescription has left me with eyes that hurt and occasionally slightly nauseous. here is to hoping my eyes get their shit together. mwah LOVE YOU TOO - the other bella/cubs anon/idk

okay hi hello. i have put this off because holy hell it's long but let's do it. i am putting a cut because this whole thing is long even without my answer

first: the road trip was super fun thank you!!! i am intrigued by this information regarding sags and geminis, we should do some scientific inquiry. enquiry. i don't know if there's a difference between those words.

aha! well i tried the ao3 year in review thing and i would say it had about 55% accuracy but still i agree it's fun to look back at that kind of stuff. and i feel you on the angst thing i go through phases of writing angst-heavy stuff and then writing very fluffy stuff and it is entirely based on my mental state buuuut i have lots of fluff and i'm glad you found it all and that you liked it yay <333 KITCHENS ARE FOR LOVERS i will die on that fuckin hill. hotel rooms as well but primarily kitchens.

dfgjhgdlfkhgdfmj honestly i dont use twitter enough that i would see his tweets enough that that would bother me also the fact that he tweets in all caps means that i just picture him yelling everything he tweets which i find absolutely hysterical so i don't think that would help. i have added these parx songs to my listen asap playlist and will get to them when i get a chance thank you i am excited also i already know lowkey as hell and it slaps super hard so im very much lookin forward to the rest of these. merci merci

YEAH simmer was the one i didnt vibe with. and honestly i feel zero compulsion to get into hayley williams as a solo artist. i just don't vibe enough to want to do that so i doubt i'll be listening to her anytime soon but maybe if i hear the songs in passing or get super bored one night, idk who can really say. but yeah christianity typically puts me off of music (speaking as a very jewish bitch) although there are notable exceptions in the cases of thomas rhett and the driver era. i'm just not attached to hayley enough to be like ehhh this doesnt matter. does that make sense

FAVORITE HIMBO PLEASE HGSDFGDFGKLFGJ i dont follow him on twitter but i have seen some interviews of ross and rocky and tbh they're great i love the way ross speaks like i like his speech mannerisms and i like his FACE and HAIR and. yeah. i think hes pretty. and i think he and 5sos SHOULD collab i think that would be sexy as hell. can you imagine that. oh my god can you imagine a ross lynch/luke hemmings collab. i'm not even really talking to you anymore bella because i know you haven't listened to luke yet and don't have a stake in it but if anyone else is reading this long ass answer. ross & luke collab. okay im going to move on and not think about that now. but i probably won't see tde unless i get a job this semester because i'm trying to stop spending so much money on big indulgent things like concerts likeee i was in a really good habit of not spending that much and then suddenly i got paid for one summer and i was just goin Crazy and i need to dial it back. plus i wanna see ajr and noah kahan equally bad so like. i have to make some calls about priorities here. it's Much to think about

good luck to your eyes i'm sure your new glasses are hella cute tho!!! LOVE YOUUUUUUU